#i almost never get sick anymore

[storm-of-feathers]

playing with god by pouring out nyquil and whatever comes out is what i take

#im combining it with a couple other things #which you generally shouldn't do but god if i die i die #and its mucinex which. holy shit idk what they put in that stuff #but for a good and calm 20 minutes earlier i was fine #anyways #ill be sleeping soon probably or at least trying to #but in the meantime im trying to figure out my blanket arrangement here #my fever capped out around 102 but its come back down #but im like swinging wildly between reliving the time i was on a fire and reliving the time i fell through ice #and i HATE IT #god i hate being sick sm the last three years have spoiled me tbh #bc of masks and vaccines and not going outside and the like #i almost never get sick anymore #but i was recently in a crowded boy scouts hall (with a mask dwdw) for my dad #and man. something got me #and ofc combine that with only having slept ab 5% of this weekend lmao #anyways pray for me im so tired and sick :( #they call me mr blue the way im sore and sick and sad for some reason

[virgothozul]

Ok. I have listened to the people. I have watched the thing. It is very wholesome.

Kazu comes home. He is hopeless and tipsy. And he swings between excited and wasted.

#I am SICK of Miri’s voice ngl #I know kids are loud. And make a mess of EVERYthing. That’s why i stay away. #But for Kazurei ; I made it to the end #They are precious #Rei is so cute I love this guy #He has 0 human skill and still is effortlessly hilarious and a little cutie 👏💖 #i wish we had more of their relationship bc they have sth really special #They never question their trust in each other like it never crosses their mind. They disagree almost all the time but they never part #It’s more natural than breathing. They’re always saying stuff like « it’s not fit to involve other people in our way of life » #it’s not even an option to live apart. They clearly will spend all their lives together #Except that scene it’s so weird when Kazu says « hum with Miri gone we don’t have a reason to live together anymore » lol man #Not as if you guys were already joined at the hip before meeting her. But I get the «the family life changed us now sth’s missing #and it feels incomplete ». But still guys. You are soul mates. #Also the « of course he comes with me. He’s my partner. » line 💕💍 #even if at some point they meant to part ways ; really they can’t be separated. #kazurei #No homo daddies #Buddy daddies #kazuki x rei #Domestic gays

[fiomeras]

People joke that the artists leaving twitter are gonna move on to doing show and tells at the local library instead , but i actually think that sounds really nice, id love to do that

#i talk #and im kind of sick of posting on da web. sorries #it just doesn't feel right anymore ... yknow #ive felt weird about it so much recently i think its just so unnatural now that everything is almost never catered to individuals #you dont get to choose what you see nowadays. less human input and more of making you watch the equivalent of your slop of the day #and a gacha game algorithm. #yknow when gacha gamers would spend thousands on gambling hoping to get their favourite png girl #thats how tiktok works . its designed to keep you scrolling hoping youd find something you want to see #and it brings the idea the more you scroll the more youll see the thing you wanna see yknow #and most of whats being shown to you is not of your choice. you can leave your phone on one tiktok and itll be fine it doesn't really need- #our input #sometimes. youd just do that too to ''increase'' your chances of getting tiktok videos youd like sorta like a gacha game #i think its ?? not my favourite!

[usareiis]

#seriously seriously one of the most beautiful pieces of music i have ever heard #i feel so conflicted thinking about this but i was always afraid to get more into shinee because of jonghyun #i remember the exact day he died when i was in high school and i remember feeling slammed with the news even though he was just guy from... #...clue + note to me and as i have gotten more into kpop in the past few years i have been there for all of shinee's comebacks from don't... #...call me on and i always kept them at a distance bc even though i thought they seemed so cool i was worried to get into them and always... #...feel like someone was missing. and now that my little sister has gotten so into them i have too #and it does feel like someone is missing all of the time and we watch so much content of jonghyun together that sometimes it hits me all... #...over again how unreal and bad it is that he isn't in the world with us anymore #i am so sad too thinking about how i almost didn't hear some of the most beautiful music out of the fear of grieving him #one of the most beautiful voices and i click with his words so so much #like he's my friend and i almost never got to know him :( and that thought it so much worse than the worry of having to miss him :( #it also makes me sick bc if it would have changed anything for him at all. he's still making so many people happy. he's still there for me. #i don't get this emotional every time i listen to him but sometimes it all hits me #music #Spotify

[evilmagician430]

who up sinning their fest

#one of my worst recent hyperfixations i'll admit #and i dont even have an excuse like ohhh i used to read this back in the late 2000s before all the terf shit #no i got into it in late 2023 this school year cause i stumbled across the tvtropes page #and i was like 'sinfest'? isnt that the name of that terf Twitter comic? but the cover image showed a sick ass artstyle so i read it #and im just obsessed with it now its such a strange spectacle. its like a political cartoon and a newspaper comic at the same time #my fav era has gotta be late 2000s maybe early 2010s sinfest... hell maybe even mid 2010s sinfest if i ignore the sisterhood #now every strip is just about jewish people or calling trans women groomers #and almost every once-likable character is now canonically a terf and/or racist and/or antivaxxer etc #or theyre just not in the comic at all anymore like my dear criminy and fuschia #i hope we never get another appearance from them godbless #cause last time we saw criminy he was helping squig and slick break a terf out of she/her penitentiary. with fuschia's permission #theyre definitely the best part of 2010s sinfest. a bygone era #the best part of 2000s sinfest is the sharp artstyle and lil e just being evil #and the best part of 2020s sinfest seems to be. um. laughing at how ridiculous it is? its kind of hard to enjoy though. #i intend to stay updated on it because i like being able to say i've read all of sinfest start to finish #but man i gotta get an adblocker soon cause i read it on the official website cause idk how else to read it online and the ads are constant #really funny when ur reading a strip criticizing the prevalence of ads in our day to day life #not as funny when you remember tatsuya is probably making money off of them. so yeah im gonna install ublock #but the problem is i usually read it on my school computer to pass time. and that technically isnt my computer so i cant download ublock #anyways. i could ramble on about how much i love and hate and am obsessed w sinfest all day but heres some fanart of the characters. #id like to make my own headcanon version of sinfest aka sinfest if it was good #but headcanons arent enough... i need to kill tatsuya ishida #sinfest #squigley sinfest #monique sinfest #lil e sinfest #the devil sinfest #tangerine sinfest #images that are horrid to see and look at #mspaint

[stupid-dyke]

I can tell i am now experienceing actual real sleep deprivation and not just the omnipresent idiopathic hypersomnia fake sleepiness that my stupid lying body never shuts up about. I can tell because I am fallijng asleep in class regardless if I take my medication and I feel like everything is so, incredibly stupid and horrible, and everyone giving me homework or telling me to do anything is attacking me. And I can;t hold a conversation. And people are noticing my strange manner and pointing out that I seem wrong. And yet here we are AGAIN I have AGAIN stayed up late AND not gotten any work done. And on top of that I broke my fucking glasses tonight because I left them sitting on my fucking bed. And I'm freaking my parents out by crying over the phone and also I think I actually injured my shoulder last week its been hurting for four days now. and I'm so sad and mad at myself for not sleeping and not working but I can't work because I havent slept and I cant sleep because I havent worked. And every single time I get in a bad time like this my dad worries im going to die because i was suicidal for like a week in 2019 and then he gets mad at me for worrying him and I feel so so so guilty. Im so so sad.

#and I dont want to fuckign sleep even though i really need to and I spend every fucking seconf of every fucking day being sleepy #because even when I get enough sleep im still FUCKING sleepy so what is the FUCKING point. Why not just NOT FUCKING SLEEP. #Im so fucking sick of myself and my body and my pain and my stupidity. #AND ITS SO STUPID BECAUSE HERE I AM MISSING ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS SCARING MY FAMILY WEIRDING OUT OTHER STUDENTS AND MAKING MY PROFS HATE ME #BECAUSE IM FUCKING SLEEPY. stupidest fucking sounding reason on earth to have a fucking crisis. #no one ever hears me say im sleepy and thinks oh thats really serious i really want to help you now its literally just annoying to ppl #haha wait til you have kids or get older or a full time job ha ha #cool I am fuckign terrified of the future because I know how mad everyone gets at me when im too disabled to do what im supposed to #and I know its going to get to a point where I can't and there will probably be no one left to help me. I'm almost certainly going to outli #outlive my parents and my sister and even if i ever get married ill probably also get divorced so I'll be all alone #friendships aren't safe becuase you can love someone so much for 5 years and she just tells you one day she doesn't want to be burdened #by you anymore and you never hear from her again #its a dark scary fucking world and you want me to be passionate about a field of study or something?? jesus christ can you all just fuck of #I dont want to go to grad school i dont want to work i dont want to live alone i dont want to live with my parents forever #my head hurts so much goodnight guys sorry for ranting its literally fine im literally just really sleepy sorry for being melodramatic

[seariii]

I was gonna doodle tonight but I got a flu and I feel defeated ... I don't feel shitty or anything, I'm just tired of my runny nose and constantly sneezing....

#maybe it wasnt my brother who i got it from? since he probably has influenza and mine looks like a normal flu... #i almost never get sick.... but i guess viral infections are really contagious.... #if i didnt get kt from mt brother.... maybe it's the same thing i had before and got ir from mt mom #oh shit i hope i dont have it anymore on my bday

[mebiselfandi]

I have “I talk about my best friend and throw up 60 times disease”

#I love her so much it hurts #it’s so pathetic #we only have one picture together which my mum forced us to take when we were 12 and no I will never be okay #I need her here with me like it genuinely hurts wtf #and it keeps getting worse #I’m sick and it feels like I’m dying #see what not sleeping for a whole night does to a bitch? #3 cancer scared in one year from her #finding out she almost died and I wouldn’t have known #I can’t take it anymore my hearts gonna give out #she’s finishing college and I haven’t even started #I’m so normal about her #I’m not in case it wasn’t obvious

[craycraybluejay]

i should get more method by smoking more weed + remembering the million times i got too fucked up and thought i was going to die or just very but not too fucked up and how it felt in the moment. the confusion, weird fixations, wack visuals, nausea, dissassociation, shame, real and vivid fear of death.

i can tell y'all i have had someone make active attempts on my life but there is no death as frightening as the idea of dying in a puddle of puke and other bodily fluids feeling so disoriented and so much physical pain and discomfort that you'd pay a million dollars to crawl directly out of your body. there's easier OD concepts to stomach like one depressants but the concept of dying on a psychedelic or an upper or even a stimulating dissociative is terrifying. or dying from contaminants which injure you a lot more than whatever you were meaning to take ever could.

i want to write angel having a seizure the way i did. i want to write him compulsively adding different substances because just the one isn't enough. i want to torture this lil guy as he tries and fails to save himself :3

#as i always say please test your drugs im begging you #delete later #getting too personal up in here #but fr the world of serious substance use is a crazy place to even visit let alone live in #the entirety of reality just does not work the same way #its beautiful and scary and you dont want to become a permanent resident there #but its a lot like toxic relationships and maladaptivelt returning to them over and over #i want to parallel angel's drug abuse with his relationship to valentino #because even if you OD or have some kind of serious problem from it or get spiked with something awful #chances are you will always have that curiosity and urge to try again. try more. different new novel fun #bc even when it feels like hell its a unique hell. and more importantly its not your life anymore #no worries about being abused or homeless or very sick if the drugs bring a whole new hell #sometimes when you almost die you just get grateful it wasnt the real world that almost killed you #sometimes when youve looked in the void you laugh at how ridiculous your pain and grief and life is #its all stupid! none of it matters! we are all going to die and your exit card from the real world is in a box of mints #idk. sometimes a drug is an enhancer of reality and sometimes a different reality altogether. a lot of the experience depends on why you #take it. if you get high socially youre going to lean into related effects more heavily. if you do it to escape or explore thats what youll #get. ive never had the level of Problem Angel does but I Get It. i get why #im too broke to sustain a Problem of that nature lmao. like ok if i spend all my money i can lose my mind for a week #then ill be withdrawing and hungover from 20 diff things and penniless. no ty #however i will rarely say no to sharesies ill suck ya dick for my DOC 👍 #JOKING. ish

[varjopeura]

.

#fun times with the Mystery Illness today #i'm feeling weirdly bad! like i'm almost fine as long as i don't really DO anything productive #but the moment i start doing something it's like my lungs just don't work anymore. sometimes the heart joins in for some extra fun times!! #and i get to figure out the mystery of Am I Dying Or Am I Just Burning Out #this could very well be stress manifesting in some unusually spicy physical ways. could also be a weird strain of covid #(don't even really want to think about all the other things it could be) #and it really feels like i'm constantly sick in this super weird way. the last time was less than two months ago! and it was very similar! #it's just extremely frustrating. i used to never get sick until a couple of years ago when this started happening #i should be DOING THINGS instead of laying in bed watching youtube videos #aaaanyway called to work and told i won't be able to come tomorrow. whatever this is it should get better with a bit of rest #just feels bad man #sussitalk

[lockedtowers]

me: i always try to send ppl 3 memes to diff muses so they have o p t i o n s also me, not even 5 seconds after sending one: okay did i send too many bc rly i could send one for everyone but i dont wanna overwhelm and also who did i already do—

#out. #/hj #see the thing is. evidently when you have *things* happen to ur brain. adhd gets worse #so anyone wios known me pre 2021 see post 2021 me and theyre just #gonna be like wtf happened to her memory???? #i cant focus on anything anymore basically 3 consecutive head things + multiple concussions all in a 6 month period #2 weeks after i had my sinus opened up professionally #theres nothing in my head anymore i forget things either sO QUICKLY or i NEVER forget its awful #also hi i passed outrly early last night bc sick and woke uo at midnight then passed out again around 9 and now its almost 12

[elytrafemme]

i'm starting to wonder if therapy is going to be productive because no matter what happens i'm probably going to experience this every night of my fucking life

#neg #was out with friends and having a lot of fun! cramps but it was okay i was like. good #and then one of my friends and i were talking and i tried to make a comment about how i liked hanging out w him #but he didn't hear me so he kept talking abt what we were discussing before #and like. blood ran cold i physically felt sick and almost started crying #and now i'm like. completely in the depths of devastation again. over him. i can't fucking function. #and i had all these plans to like get dinner tonight too and take care of myself and do work #but now i'm like. stuck thinking about him. and this happens so often. #there's just no fucking point anymore huh. #and we're going to hang out this weekend a lot and into this upcoming week and this next month and the next year and then 2024 and #like i can't do that. sorry. i can't fucking do that. #i'm not even angry at him anymore it's just. he makes it hurt so bad. #and it's physical pain too every night it's fucking excruciating #because the devastation is both numbing and it cuts into me like a blade in my chest blunt edged but constant pressure #i can't do this forever. i can't. #but there's never a breaking point. it never changes. it's constant. #i'll wake up tomorrow okay. like nothing ever happened. #why did he talk to me so much today why couldn't he leave me the fuck alone #it would have been easier if he didn't. how does he. he has to know this is happening right? #so why is he doing this to me?

[icewindandboringhorror]

mentally ill people who for whatever reason end up wearing the same exact clothing so many days in a row that it begins to disintegrate and will still not stop wearing it until it’s literally just scraps of fabric VS. those weird shitty rich people who ‘’can’t be seen in the same outfit twice’’ human dichotomy 

#poast brought to you by my pants that are missing an entire leg and completely open in the back and the front almost #to the point they could not really be considered pants anymore (I wear lots of layers so i have shorts under them but lol) #I tore them again sitting down and it made me introspect about when it's time to throw clothes out and how everyone has different standards #and etc. Like how some people will get stains on clothing and just throw it away #.where others will keep wearing stained stuff if they have an attachment to it. etc. etc. #or like One hole in jeans is okay but 20 holes is Crossing A Line - unless they were made that way as a fashion trend #which then made me think about those people who like.. change clothes multiple times a day and never want to rewear stuff #and just have a constant stream of fast fashion etc. Anyway. not a real dichotomy. just being silly. i like to think about humans behaviors #brggghghb.. still not being very productive as I just keep having flare up after flare up of various chronic issues I have so I'm feeling #sick like every few days but always for different reasons. As if something has increased the general inflammation in my entire body #and its just bopping around making different things worse here and there. but I'm not sure of any underlying cause. #theorectially could always be stress since I am often stressed but I don't feel stressed more than usual. I have no infection markers #on blood tests and my covid tests so far have been negative. I guess my body just felt like 'hey happy new year. would you like.. uhm... #some... Problems.. as a treat? OuO'' #I mean I'm lucky at this point that I don't have a condition that makes me completely bedridden or something and am grateful for that but #having so many smaller issues in the background overlapping all the time can be ehxausting and make it feel like a larger issue #because you just never get a break. once one problem clears up it's another. etc. modifying diet. supplements. doctors. new issue. new modif #ications. new doctors. new this #new that. etc. For my body to reach some sort of non-inflammed stable state I feel like I'm going to have to just be suspended in a gladd #*glass antigravity chamber for 3 years eating nothing but basic gruel and iv liquids. something so bland and so untriggering of anything #that literally nothing can be inflammed or etc. lol.. Though I'd probably still somehow have joint pain even with nogravity. #ANYWAY... I did finally edit a new sims video. for the few of you that follow my sims youtube. I have costumes totally ready to post I just #literally havent had the energy to queue up the photos. STILL WORKING ON EVIL WORLDBULDING SLIDESHOW task of epic proportions #. other videos. other stuff. I've had to spend some time on social stuff since I really ned to get started finding friends in the potential #places I'd like to move so I know people when I get there. as it takes me like years to trust someone. but hjgh... I am so like. inherently #unrelatable to the average person. at least the avg people on friend making sites and stuff. I even made a perosnal compatibility quiz #but again.. thats something most people don't do lol... ''buhh just text snapchat me & get to know me through conversation why should i take #a 15 minute quiz up front?'' shut up. i woudl LOVE to take a custom compatibility quiz before talking to someone. its efficent. you will nev #er get it. that is a positive to me. if only anyone else did that. if only. (I'm being jokingly rude. its perfectly reaosnable for people to #have different standards and communication styles. etc. etc. lol) ANYWAY.. tldr me sleepy and feel bad no productive wehh

[x-ladydisdain-x]

Iranians are so fucking strong

#its such a weird horrible feeling watching the things their doing in iran from my safe comfortable american home #i have family there. #watching everyone else forget about it too #i never see any tiktoks about it anymore #almost nothing on instagram #and i barely ever saw anything about on here in the first place #i dont think any of my friends understand at all. i dont even know how much some of them care. #a little boy was just killed #it makes me so sick. i think about it every day. that is my culture. those are my people. #i love you iranians everywhere i love you i love you youre so strong #& if i happen to have any followers who are in iran right now and have access to the internet. i see you you are so incredibly strong #please hang in there it will get better eventually. things will change eventually. i see you i love you. im still paying attention.

[pepprs]

the renovation starts tmrrw (LOL) and i woke up from a dream abt it crying. awesome

#today is our last day having a deck and i genuinely feel sick to my stomach over it. ik it’s just a piece of wood and it’s falling apart but #omg like… o ur house is about to not be our house anymore. like the deck is where me and my siblings played w our best friends it’s where i #paced back and forth to get fresh air so many times ater losing my shit during lockdown and it’s literally about to be gone…. forever? ok!!! #and then the kitchen is going to go and im going to lose it genuinely. like this house is shitty and rotting and falling apart and its great #that we are getting a renovation finally but jesus christ i have lived here all my life and yeah i hate the kitchen but it’s home and you’re #just gonna tear it down and make jt 3x bigger like it’s nothing??? ok 😂😂😂😂😂😂 #purrs #literally im getting war flashbacks to losing the van which was never gonna drive again but it was my SPACE for all of lockdown and #it got fucking junked after being my sanctuary (as unpleasant as it was) for like 2 years not to mention OUR CAR that we did everything in a #and now we have my grandparents car and there isn’t a backseat so i don’t get room to breathe when they drive. and also my grandparents #house has officially been demolished to make way for a fucking mansion and the near total renovation of my high school is almost done which #means the classroom where i became a human being is gone and the office is going to get destroyed too when that renovation happens and we’ll #have to go make a home somewhere else. i know this kind of thing happens but it makes me want to start screaming. like yeah these #renovations will make life better for everyone (except the fucking mansion it’s bc my grandparents died and the developers are selfish and #cruel lol!!!!!) but the way so many of the spaces that have been important to me keep ending up getting destroyed after im done w them. it’s #comforting in a way bc it’s like oh no one else gets to have it be important but also no that ISNT comforting i want those spaces to keep #being sacred i want them to mean something to other people and i want to be able to go back and soak in the memories again. and everyone is #mad at me for freaking out the renovation but it’s like ok you come into our living space you destroy core parts of my childhood and also #create a situation where we literally can’t like eat or cook anything in the house for months like idk what we’re gonna do bc we don’t go #anywhere bc of covid except work for me and school for my brother so. idk. this whole thing SUCKS. i can’t believe it’s starting tomorrow #and i can’t believe the deck is about to be gone. pain and suffering and pain and suffering and pain and suffering.

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

#the most annoying part is that I can’t even admit myself even tho I’m SO close to ending it all #i know it’ll make everyone around me even madder #i would love to go away for a month and then come back to a family who was emotionally sensitive to me #but the world would fucking end if I did ONE thing for mysekf without notifying my family so they can talk me out of it #I’m tired and I want someone to hold me and sing to me #…..it’s almost Mother’s Day and I miss the way she would hug and sing to me #she’s probably having a great time with her her church and life and friends #while I’m suffering with the same wounds she gave me years ago #i need to babied again I cannot actually deal with adulthood I can’t do it #i don’t wanna think about death and hell anymore #I’m just so scared and alone and I never get hugged and my body really hurts #my body hurts not just from chronic pain but from how badly I need to be hugged I feel sick #i wanna go home…. #but I dunno where that is:( #I’m so sad and so tired and so scared :(((((( #i do nt wanna be alive any myree I cagbt do it