#how the fuck was iris meant to cope?

[coldflasher]

the flash should have ended with barry quitting his job at ccpd to become a stay-at-home husband and that's on that

#the fun part is it genuinely could have ended like that. i have no idea. still haven't watched it #NOBODY TELL ME BTW #THAT IS NOT ME ASKING FOR SPOILERS. I'LL GET TO IT #but honestly it's the only thing that makes sense. i have genuine reasons for this #namely: how the fuck is iris. an incredible but ordinary non-speedster woman. meant to look after a baby speedster #ordinary babies are already making it their life's mission to die. eating shit they shouldn't. rolling over and suffocating. #idk i don't know about kids but i know babies are breakable and will roll off tables and god knows what else #now imagine you have a toddler and she can literally move at hundreds of miles per hour #how the fuck was iris meant to cope? #i still maintain that when they did the 'she put a power dampener in nora' plot it should have been like. not a control thing #but also yeah. literally a control thing because HOW THE FUCK ELSE WAS SHE MEANT TO LOOK AFTER HER BABY #if barry is gone and she's a single mother. assuming no other speedsters are around to help her. what the fuck else was she meant to do? #of course she had to suppress her powers because how can you stop your toddler running into traffic if she can run 1000 times faster than u #how do you keep her in her crib at night if she can phase through the bars? #in that sense. yeah it's fucked up. but you can understand it. you can empathize. what other options did she have? #so yeah stay-at-home dad barry is the only thing that makes sense for genuine safety reasons #he is quite literally the only one who can keep up with the kids #they dropped the ball on nora is all i'm saying. again. fic that lives in my head where original nora's death actually means something #and we get a new nora who is ACTUALLY a different person. as she would be considering her whole upbringing was different #and she has to somehow live up to the memory of a version of her that was erased from time #part of barry and iris can't accept that that specific version of their daughter is gone and it's not her #THE ANGST POTENTIALLLL #in my head she doesn't even go by nora because she's like. THAT'S NOT ME. SHE DIED. WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT WHO I AM AND LOVE ME FOR ME #she goes by dawn bc yeah im still kinda sad they didnt use that name #fictional characters give ur kid an original name instead of always naming them after dead ppl challenge #my fics #my meta

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

not to start discourse or anything but Tim's facebook post (lol its so funny tho) confirmed to me that carlos' line about a bad relationship was towards his paper marriage since Tim explicitly stated that the marriage was their mistake they made nearly a decade ago.

If that's how you make sense of it, I think it's a perfectly valid interpretation. I highly doubt that it's ever going to come up again, so I think the best thing to do is come up with an interpretation that works for you.

For me, the comment being about Iris is not quite satisfying. I can't make it make sense. Yes, he saw the marriage to Iris as a mistake, but a "bad relationship" to get out of? He doesn't want out of his relationship with Iris and he certainly doesn't see it as bad. Also, it feels wrong that he would be almost flippantly describing the situation with Iris as him needing to get out of a bad relationship while Iris is missing and he's so clearly terrified for her. If it was meant to be about Iris, it was at best clumsily written.

But I equally can't interpret it as being about TK because I simply hate that. If it was supposed to be about TK, there's no way Carlos would seriously be thinking that he needs to get out of their relationship. That means it would have to be a mean and petty comment meant to hurt TK, which really sucks and absolutely does not match the way Carlos is acting through the rest of the episode. Yes, he's upset and he's acting a bit cold and distant and distracted, but at no other time does he lash out with intent to wound TK. I haven't been mad at Carlos this entire time (not saying he didn't make mistakes and seriously fuck up of course, just that it didn't make me mad at him) but THAT might make me mad at him because it's just so uncalled for.

I don't understand why they chose to include this comment (the time could have been better spent giving us more of the Tommy/TK scene!). The best explanation I can come up with for its inclusion is that they were trying to make the general audience fear for the Tarlos relationship. That's a bit of a futile endeavor within the fandom when we have Ronen out there constantly telling us "Tarlos is endgame" and "all paths lead to the wedding," but more casual viewers are probably out there wondering if TK and Carlos are actually going to get married.

Ultimately, I think I'm just going to have to pretend the comment didn't happen. That's how I'm coping with it because I either can't make sense of or absolutely hate the possible interpretations.

#anon ask #lone star speculation #fandom discourse

[alloftimeandspacetosee]

I Think I'm Done

Hi!! I have some more writing!

It's sad tho :( Aurora did Not have a good time in Alola. She almost got back on an even keel and then local Fuck Boy McEmo turned round and kicked her when she was down and I took one look at that part of the roleplay and went "welp, she's leaving town"

but not before some soft conversations!

~

 Aurora’s sitting on her bed, knee hugged to her chest and prosthetic on the floor, when someone knocks on the door.

 Kicks is more like it, which tells her who it is. She doesn’t answer right away.

 “Can I come in?” Time's voice is soft, like she’s remembered that Aurora’s hearing is fine-tuned.

 “Sure.”

 She sidles in awkwardly, pushing the door shut with her foot and leaning against the wall.

 “Arms not working yet?” Aurora studies them. They’re hunks of metal, barely defined. Nowhere near the craftmanship that went into her leg. Time must rely a lot on her metal skill. More than she relies on her water skill.

 Why did the legendaries give them that, too? Surely time and space would have been enough, but... here they are.

 “Not quite.” She flexes stubby fingers, and the movement is stiff.

 Aurora shuffles along the bed towards the pillows. “Have a seat.”

 Torchlight chirrs at her as she disturbs his rest.

 “I know.” She strokes his back.

 “That’s new.”

 “Skyla gifted me him. Well. It might have been Iris? Both of them.”

 Time sits down and shuffles to make herself comfortable.

 Sitting against the same wall like this it becomes hard to look at her, so Aurora doesn’t.

 “Do you want to talk about it?”

 Aurora wrinkles her nose and shrugs.

 Time nods.

 Aurora strokes down Torchlight’s back. There’s no one else near enough to listen. She thinks. She can’t hear anyone. That doesn’t mean he’s not hiding in the walls as a fucking ghost-

 She shakes her head, violently rocking a shiver all the way down her spine. Feels more than sees Time’s enquiring glance.

 “I hated that I was afraid of him. I hated how terrified and alone he made me feel, reliving that...” she trails off. “And he looks like that. He’s weak and he couldn’t walk without help, and he’s barely been any help. And when he has busted out the – the help, I haven’t...

 “Really hoped he’d stay in Unova, but he seems intent on getting back to her. So – fine. Whatever. The rest was fine with him. I was the outlier, so I just. Coped. And he didn’t do anything because he can barely do anything, and I’d thought-” She scoffs. “Well. I was wrong, anyway. Clearly.”

 “What... had he done? Before?”

 “He worked for the NightChild.” Aurora rests her head back against the wall. “After Sinnoh, before Johto, more often than not, he... he made me relive Coronet.”

 Time lets out her breath too softly for a gasp. “Darkrai blessed?”

 Aurora nods briefly. “And apparently I haven’t been quick enough to forgive him for his liking.”

 “You don’t have to forgive him.”

 Aurora snorts. “I should have shot him where we found him.”

 “Why didn’t you?”

 “Ricochet got in the way. And then everyone else appealed to my good side.” Aurora let out a dark chuckle. “Bold of them to assume I have one.”

 “You always were the stronger of us for that,” Time says. “I’m not sure I could have got this far.” She looks down at her mostly inert left hand. “I probably would have killed him that first night.”

 “I couldn’t risk losing the rest of them. Not right after-” Aurora glances at the rose on the table. Would it ever not hurt to think of them?

 “Do you want to tell me about them?”

 “Not tonight,” says Aurora, and is dimly surprised to realise she means it. She’d meant to say not ever, but a different truth had slipped out instead.

 “Alright.”

 “I think I hate him,” Aurora says. She wishes she had beer. “More than the NightChild.”

 “She’s business. The job we were born for.” Time slowly closes her fingers, and the beaten metal smooths out, becoming more articulate. “He’s personal.”

 Aurora let slip a weak smile.

 Time lets one answer.

 Aurora looks past the rose to the window. “I don’t know if I can continue. I almost didn’t when we passed Mistralton and we were so close to home I could taste it. But now...”

 “I can close the portals. Where would you go?”

 Aurora shrugs. “Maybe home. Maybe Ilex. Maybe Castelia.” She snorts. “We both know I can’t.”

 “You’ve done so much. I don’t think anyone could fault you-”

 “Oh, we both know someone could.” Aurora’s grin was forced and feral.

 “Does his opinion really even matter?”

 “Oh, not in the slightest. I just... don’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he’s been proven right.”

 “Spite is the great motivator.”

 Aurora laughs and presses the palms of her hands into her eyes. “Can you leave now? Please?”

 Time got to her feet. “Of course.”

 “Thanks for – this. For having my back. Even after... how I’ve been treating you.”

 Time looks back at Aurora. “Thanks for saving my life. Again.”

#pokemon #oc #writing #apocalypse au #2nd gen #aurora nightgale

[despairforme]

[Gladiolus, Iris, Lavender or just pick one x3 ]

   ASK MEME ; 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 . ( accepting! ) gladiolus: describe a moment from your muse’s life that they will never forget. iris: if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind, what would it be? lavender: how easy is it to gain your muse’s trust? once their trust is broken, how might one go about mending it?

     Nnoitra’s memory was not the best, and yet - there were MANY moments in his life he would never forget. Most of them he WANTED to forget. FUCK how different everything would’ve been for him if he could just erase his memories. Upon being asked to describe a moment he would never forget, the FIRST one that presented itself to him was the day he had tried to kill Grimmjow. He immediately shut it down by thinking about something else. Anything at all. He had only ever told one other person about that day, and he wasn’t about to spill his guts here. The next thing he thought about was the day he had been reunited with Grimmjow, after thinking he was dead for seven years. That was certainly unforgettable, and it was, to this day, the BEST day in his life. It was very personal though, so he didn’t really want to describe it to anyone.

     What other days or moments would he never forget? The day he met Kyota... The day him and Grimmjow decided to start dating. His birthday, that year Grimmjow had gotten him the apartment and they moved in together. The day he lost his eye. The first time he saw his face after getting shot. The day Grimmjow overdozed. The day he slit his wrists. There were a lot of moments in his life. Both good and bad. He wasn’t going to unload some heavy shit here though, and neither was he going to talk about something sappy. In the end he decided on something that wasn’t so traumatic for him.

     ❝ Losin’ my eye ain’t somethin I’m gonna ‘fer’get. ❞ He started, a vague hand gesture being made towards his large eyepatch. ❝ I got stabbed in it ‘da last year ‘a High School, right before ‘da end exams. I was just headin’ home ‘ta do some homework, ‘n some dude I had had a fight with a couple ‘a days earlier had brought all’a his buddies with him. That fuckin’ pussy needed ‘ta fight me six-on-one. ❞ He remembered it all, even with how much time had passed since then. To others, losing an eye might sound like a very traumatic experience, but to Nnoitra... It hadn’t really been. Well, IN THE MOMENT it had been fucking horrible. He remembered the pain. The reason why Nnoitra didn’t consider it ‘ traumatic ‘ was because of how he had felt afterwards. He had truly felt like he had deserved it.

     It was about a year after he had tried to kill Grimmjow ( and at that point in them, he thought he had succeeded, it was only six years later that he learned that Grimmjow was still alive ). He had decided to get his life together again, and had gone back to school. He was working really hard to try and pass his exams, while keeping a part-time job to pay for his shitty living conditions. It had been a lot for him to deal with, but he had coped fairly well. He had felt like he was going somewhere in life. AND THEN - as if HEAVEN wanted to show him that he was mistaken, he had lost his eye. It had been the ultimate proof to him that he didn’t deserve to live a normal, ‘ happy ‘ life. He hadn’t been traumatized. He had only gotten what he deserved.

     ❝ ‘N yeah, they held me down ‘n stabbed me in ‘da eye. ❞ Actually the knife had missed the eye first, and hit his brow, before it was brought down through the eye. It had been one of THE most ( physically ) painful things in his life. He remembered the sound of the six guys BOLTING away from the scene of the crime. He remembered his knees digging into the gravel on the ground, and how both his hands had grasped at the bleeding wound on his face. He knew he had thrown up too, at some point. What he didn’t fully remember was how the FUCK he had made it back to his apartment. Because no - he hadn’t gone to the hospital like he should have. He had gone home and stopped the bleeding ( more or less ). If he had gone to the hospital, he could’ve saved himself a lot of trouble. But... Already at that time, he had felt like he deserved to suffer, and so he hadn’t gone to see a doctor. Him taking care of the wound himself had not been very successful, and an infection had developed. If there had been any hopes of saving any eyesight, the infection killed that. The knife must’ve been dirty or something, because Nnoitra’s face started to rot. It was why the scar that was left behind was so large, and why he wore such a big eyepatch. The infection had spread out from the wound, down to his cheekbone.

     He had gotten terribly sick and weak from the infection. Having his face rot was very painful. He had felt helpless and afraid, and that’s when he had tried to get in contact with his mother, only to learn that she was dead. It was the last straw for him, and he had just given up. Eventually he was brought to the hospital where they managed to save the rest of his face. A very roughly textured scar remained as proof of what had happened. Of course, it looked a LOT different now, after Nnoitra got shot in the head. But yeah. That was how he had lost the sight in his left eye.

     With an index finger, he rubbed his cheek, just beneath the fabric of his eyepatch. Now that he was used to it, having one eye wasn’t that terrible. It had meant he had to give up on playing basketball though, which sucked... Oh, and he couldn’t watch 3D movies. Other than that? Not that big of a deal.

     ❝ ‘Da only person I’ve lost ‘s my mom. ❞ Moving onto the next question. He knew exactly what he would say to her if he could get to give her ONE final message. It stood between ‘ sorry ‘ and ‘ thank you ‘, and he chose the latter. ❝ I’d tell her thanks. ‘Fer everythin’ she did ‘fer me. I was a real fuckin’ shitty brat, ‘n couldn’t see how hard she worked ‘ta take care ‘a me. ❞ It wasn’t often that Nnoitra thanked anyone for anything. The word ‘ thanks ‘ somehow always got stuck in his throat. But his mother? HE WANTED TO THANK HER. She was dead, and ( hopefully ) in Heaven, so he was never going to see her again. When he died, he knew he was going to Hell. He just really wished he could’ve thanked her for her hard work. She might not have given him any affection, and Nnoitra doubted that she had ever loved him, but she HAD kept food on the table, and a roof over their heads. She had saved money so that he could get an education... Yeah, she had been a good mother, and he an unworthy son. Hardly surprising, considering what sort of FUCKED UP person he was - and always had been, ever since he was a kid.

     ❝ ‘N ‘bout my trust... ❞ The final question. He paused, thinking about it for a moment, before he continued. ❝ I hardly trust nobody, ‘n if ya fuck me over, I ain’t never gonna trust yer ass again, ‘n ya can fuck off with yer cunt face. ❞ Yeah, this was an easy one. In general, Nnoitra had an act for distrusting people. He didn’t believe anyone could be kind to him without a reason. The exceptions being his friends ( at least the close ones like Melody and Emil ). Oh, and of course he trusted Grimmjow. That man had never given him a reason not to. Despite the fact that Nnoitra himself had received plenty of second ( and third and fourth and fifth ) chances, he didn’t believe in giving other people a second chance. If they fucked him over once, then he was sure they’d do it again, and he’d rather not deal with that shit. It was hypocritical of him, since he NEEDED to get multiple chances if he was to have anyone at all in his life. He fucked up a lot. 

#anlonnoshe #[ aaaaaaaa thank you for sending some in!! ] #[ these were all really fun! ] #[ i've missed talking about nnoitra's main verse so ] #[ I FEEL SPOILED NOW ] #[ <5 ] #ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶤʳ ;; ic. #ᵇᵘʳᶰ 'ᵈᵃ ᶜᶤᵗʸ ;; verse. #ᵖˡᵃʸᵗᶤᵐᵉ ;; meme responses. #eye horror // #gore mention //

[liquidstar]

What are the myths like in your world? I can tell that they probably talk a lot about Crocus’ monsters and his separation from Iris, but like, is there any big creation myth? Any myths with a morale? It’s just interesting because in this world, everyone’s 100% certain their gods exist

They ARE 100% certain their gods exist because like, Iris is right there even if she doesn’t make public appearances and doesn’t have any powers beyond immortality anymore. But because she tends to keep to herself people will naturally just make assumptions that to them seem right, but might not be. For example as far as creation myths go, Iris and Crocus created everything on earth, so logically they must have also created the universe, but that’s not correct. They’re actually more like messengers (In Greek mythos Iris was a messenger of the Gods) who were just given their own sandbox planet to play with before abandoning their posts. Speaking of Crocus, no one knows he’s not actually dead. The widely accepted story is that Iris overpowered Crocus, killed him, and saved the world. The only people who believe he’s alive (Correctly so) are seen as complete conspiracy theorists or heretics and if they’re actually devout to him they’ll denounce their allegiance to Iris completely, in terms of organized religion they’re pretty much just cults. When it comes to Iris, religion isn’t really strictly enforced, there are temples for her and it’s not uncommon to go to them and leave actual iris flowers as offerings (Bring Crocus flowers if you wanna get kicked out lol). On big holidays especially (like the anniversary of magic being brought to humans), they act like big party halls for everyone in the village. It’s also common for them to house homeless people and orphaned children, they were set up this way to prevent people from being left without homes and families after monster attacks but that doesn’t have to be the cause. Each province also has one special temple in the capital where you can directly communicate with Iris, but not just anyone can walk in and do it because then she’d be doing that for the rest of her unending life, you usually need approval from the ruler of that province and it has to be a good reason (You can’t just facetime God to say hi, she’s busy, she runs a school). 

Their religion tends to deify Iris moreso than she already is, seeing her as the ultimate good in the world, but she isn’t that pure either, I mean she trapped her basically-brother in an isolated dimension for what was meant to be forever, just because she couldn’t bring herself to kill him, even though that was a crueler fate and one that bit her in the ass 1000 years later. And she’s so numb and jaded to most things that her mentality is practically suicidal, if she could die. But of course she’s placed so far above humans as this perfect heavenly figure that ascended down one day and blessed them with life and magic and defeated Crocus so easily (It was actually pretty close) and represents all that’s good in the world. She IS good, but she’s not perfect, and she’s only a God to them because they don’t know about much else above her. Crocus on the other hand really is just their world equivalent of the devil and for a good reason, but he wasn’t necessarily always that evil (He is NOW, but just life Iris isn’t actually the embodiment of all things good he wasn’t the embodiment of all things evil until he actively chose to be, which is arguably worse). From his perspective humans and destroying them doesn’t matter, he doesn’t think about it as something serious he literally sees them as Iris’ toys. Like two children playing with Legos, and one destroys the other’s castle because he’s a brat. The whole reason they’ve both got such… Issues is because they were made to be one half of a whole, completely incomplete, and the way Crocus coped with this was by rejecting the other half and trying to claim individuality while still feeling like something’s missing. In his mind Iris chose her “toys” over him, and it messed with him, that’s part of the reason why he’s a lot less… “playful” when he comes back, and even his wardrobe- a suit- reflects something closer to adulthood and growing up. The other part of this reason is because the “childish” aspect of himself is one that he intentionally gave up, its Poppy, she’s what he used to be like but unlike him she’s given the capacity to grow and change through forming close relationships with others, instead of rejecting them outright and throwing a near-world-ending tantrum. Poppy is his “Daughter”, not really directly (This manchilds never fucked) but because he’s the father of monsters, he created her, a human monster.

So the actual mythos timeline looks something like this (Keep in mind this not an accurate retelling from the POV of the humans, only Iris and Crocus know the full story, and this is incredibly condensed): 

Iris and Crocus create everything and since earth is Special they decide to live there. Iris instantly recognizes it’s worth, while Crocus wants to destroy beauty. 

Iris creates humans out of her benevolence and Crocus creates monsters just to destroy them out of his malevolence.

Iris kills Crocus after some thousand years of protecting humans from him. 

Iris gives magic to humans to help them protect themselves and the calendar resets to reflect a new era.

Honestly it’s hard to call most of this stuff mythos, it’s more like an actual historical timeline that’s just had the facts slightly warped like most histories do, they would have been more warped if Iris wasn’t still around to tell the story (Though people will still interpret it how they like)... And yeah, another one of her failings is that she’s lying about killing Crocus, she can’t bring herself to admit her own weakness to people who look up to her.

#finn's ocs #Anonymous #Answered

[diningpageantry]

For the ficlet: ‘And I don't want the world to see me ‘Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's meant to be broken I just want you to know who I am’ from the song Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

It’s a little embarrassing that it’s taken me this long to realise that I don’t know a lot about Simon Snow.

It started to hit me last week after a quite impactful chat with his therapist. Apparently, she’d just told him that it’s okay to make jokes on occasion with trauma that you’re recovering from, but not to the extent of numbing yourself. It’s healthy to learn to cope and process in various ways.

Now, what that didn’t account for is the fact that Snow is not, nor has he ever been, a comedian. Nobody in their right mind would ever give Snow a Netflix comedy special. So, therefore, when he walked into a room and announced “I didn’t think I’d have to watch more than two people die in my life”, it surely gave both Bunce and I a real shock. Not only because, of course, it’s not quite a joke, but also because the numbers didn’t quite add up. Yes, there was two people in the room who’d died. Ebb and The Mage, but more than two sounded like new information.

At first, neither of us knew what to do, and soon we noticed that Snow hadn’t made next-action plans either, because he stood there at the doorway, staring at us and awaiting a response. The uncomfortable staring contest carried on until I finally said “Crowley, Snow” aloud. Which, of course, was followed by a confused Snow trying to explain what his therapist said, then us both asking him what he’d meant.

To both of our surprise, he blurted out that he saw someone die of an overdose once in one of the homes over the summer before seventh year.

That moment forward, it was established that there’s definitely things I don’t know about him.

Which is all what lead the two of us here, sitting on his bed in the mid-evening on a Friday. We’re both dressed for bed, but sitting above the covers and looking at one another. Silently, he fiddles with his drawstrings, focusing on how they slide through his hands.

I chew on my lip, watching the way they slide down his fingertips. I suppose I’m the one who’ll have to start it.

“Is there anything you feel like you want to tell me off the bat?”

He doesn’t look up, shrugging as he slides back up to the top of the shoelace-like rope and starts pulling back down again.

Exhaling, I raise an open hand above his knee, letting him watch me settle it down as to not spook him. He stares at it now, biting his lip and staying silent.

We sit like that for a while. The small contact, the stiff air. Knowing he’s hiding so much without a voice to say it.

“You can tell me now, Simon,” I say softly. “I know you hide a lot, but I swear on my own grave that I won’t…”

He knows what I’m about to say. That I won’t be a prick, like I used to be. To bite back at any emotion, because I thought it’d hurt the both of us more than help us. To dismiss any closeness he’d even offer, because it was no use. Because I thought we’d kill each other in the end.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he finally says, gaze slowly running out the window. “It’s not something to relate to. It’s hard to understand it all.”

“I don’t have to relate.” I slip my palm below one of his and drag it up to my mouth, kissing the freckles on the back of his hand. “I just have to listen.”

Something in that makes his lip tremble and shake, eyes falling shut as his head shakes back and forth. It’s heartbreaking to watch, and even harder to hold him knowing there’s not much else to do.

He takes a few uneven breaths, exhaling out a quiet, “I’m a fucking wreck, Baz.”

He lets me take his cheek, holding it and slowly circling his cheeks with my thumb. “That’s okay. You’re allowed to be a wreck.”

“No, no I’m really… I don’t know to tell you. I’m… look at me…” His eyes close, head tilting into my hand. “Are you sure you want me to tell you?”

I swipe my thumb under his eye, smiling in the most gentle way I can manage after years of teaching myself not to. “I want to know you, Simon. All of you.”

#anï rambles #im so sorry for the angst omg #i saw it and i was like hehe angst! #cw overdose #mentioned but like it doesn't happen in the post #asks #ask game #ficlet #fic #mine

[kisstheashes]

“The creature is staring at me again.” With whoever you wanna write!

Questionably human.

Two words that rang in his head every day. In perspective, they meant absolutely nothing. In his heart, they stung like the burn of a hot poker- or a blowtorch. They couldn’t have meant anything, could they? They were only said to confuse and manipulate him.

Questionably. Human.

Marvin looked up from the sink, looking into the mirror. The scar covering his right cheek was still visceral as ever. God, he thought he looked ugly as hell. No wonder everyone stared. He heaved a soul-heavy sigh, feeling like he might implode silently.

If his vision was left unguided he would see glitches and a green figure standing behind him in the mirror. He couldn’t tell if it was real or fake anymore, or a combination of both. He closed his eyes, images of sharp teeth and white-hot knives swimming in his mind’s eye. “Fuck…”

Marvin shook his head and finished cleaning up, leaving the bathroom and going to help Jackie make breakfast. Jamie had physical therapy today, he had to be present. He couldn’t be lost in his pathetic drowning vacuum of trauma again. If he had another panic attack while in the waiting room he thought he’d be admitted to a psych ward. That was the last thing anyone needed. He took another deep breath as he saw Jackie in his wheelchair, a stake going through his heart. *It’s going to be one of those days…* It wasn’t 8 am and he was on the verge of a breakdown.

“Hey…you don’t have to take him, Marvin. I can take him to therapy, I’m capable,” Jackie stopped him, looking up at him, worried. “You don’t have to do everything, Marvin. We’re here to help you too.”

Marvin closed his eyes for a moment. He knew he looked like hell. Dark circles, overgrown hair, sunken cheeks, pale and always a little shaky from the constant blood loss. He kept covered up, even as it turned into spring. It had been three days, he expected a visit from Anti tonight or tomorrow. He almost lost his balance and fell thinking about it. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it this time. The still closing wounds hurt against the fabric of his shirt. “I have to keep myself busy, Jackie. It’s how I know how to cope.” Marvin rubbed Jackie’s shoulder for a moment before moving into the kitchen and helping Jackie finish cooking some omelets.

***

It was the same, no matter who the receptionist was, or how familiar the people were. Most stared at Marvin with curiosity, or sadness, or pity. Even among those there, he stood out- someone who was built strong and wide, shaking and pale and gaunt. He hated the pity. He hated the stares. He already couldn’t stand the stare in the mirror, strangers were just too much. He wanted to disappear whenever he took Jamie to the hospital.

Someone sat next to him- only slightly surprising given the full seating in the room. Marvin didn’t bother looking to see who it was; they could see his facial scar, they knew that he was a “tortured soul” as some put. He kept his focus on his phone, texting Jackie about something stupid.

“You look a bit young for a veteran.”

Marvin frowned, glancing up. An older man, probably thirty years older than Marvin was. Marvin snorted, focusing back on his phone. “Talking to me?” he murmured.

The old man had a smile in his voice. “No one else here has that war-torn look, son. Did they get you right out of high school?”

This was the first conversation he’d had with a stranger since the contractors had finished renovating the house to accommodate Jackie’s chair. “No. I’m not a veteran.” Marvin bit the inside of his cheek as the sound of a blowtorch startled him. *It’s all in your own fucking head, Marvin.*

He glanced up to see the old man look surprised. “You look like you’ve seen war. I know that haunted look. Everyone who’s seen war has that look.”

Marvin swallowed, ignoring the auditory hallucinations as it sounded like the building caught on fire. *It’s not fucking real.* He shook his head. “No…I’ve just seen hell.” There was silence before Marvin looked up at him, looking every bit like a dead man walking. “And I choked on blood every second of it.”

The old man gave him a sympathetic gaze and clapped him on the shoulder. “Veteran or not, you’re every bit a soldier for still being here.” He got up and left, greeting who Marvin assumed was his wife as she left the physical therapy room.

Marvin slid back in his chair, sighing. He felt static crawl across his skin.

As Marvin walked back home after therapy, Marvin saw the glitch follow him in the shop windows. He took a shaky breath, which prompted Jamie to ask what was wrong.

“It’s nothing…just seeing Anti stare at me again. I’ll be fine.”

It was going to be tonight.

There wasn’t much clean skin left.

@writerwithdepression @superbanananinja234 @egopocalypse @gum-xx-drop @clownoutofdarkness @friendly-neighborhood-badger @acuriousquail @maybekatie @here-be-becquerel @shamrockace @nuggetfromspace @cute-anxious-kitten @the-rampaige @starlightxnightmare @glixbitch @watermelonsinmyattic @gingersrants @risingroseakira @weirdmixofweirdness @blitzindite @nekob00 @mihaela-tbg @iris-the-asparagus @assbutt-of-the-readers @sylver-striings @epicfangirl01Ask me if you want to be tagged!

#ask #anonymous #ashes writing corner #jacksepticeye #marvin the magnificent #jackieboy man #antisepticeye #jse egos #writersofjack #jse writing community #jse #jameson jackson #self preservation #this was v venty i apologize

[aphrodites-law]

On hcs about the body swap, what does the Lexa in Manhattan do? how does she cope?

As soon as Lexa stepped inside the crowded gallery and saw Clarke in a strapless black dress, she felt something inside her shift. Lexa couldn’t look away from her, so taken aback by how different she looked, and yet so alike her Clarke. She knew it wasn’t her wife, wasn’t the woman she shared years of memories with, but her body still yearned to touch her and find the familiarity she had lost what felt like an eternity ago now. 

She missed Clarke so much it was hard to breathe sometimes, and if she ever thought about Iris for too long, she felt like something inside her was being cracked open; like she would lose her mind with grief.

What if she never saw her baby again? Held her against her chest while she fell asleep? What if this miserable version of herself decided to stay in her life? Lexa wasn’t even sure she could blame her for it. Who would ever willingly choose this empty world? It was like her other self had shunned all love out of it. There was no one to rely on, not even Anya. There were only business partners and employees; people paid to execute her demands. Her text messages were business transactions and schedule reminders, while her phone calls went out to assistants and associates.

But then there was this Clarke, not hers and yet… still an intricate part of her soul. And maybe she was different from her wife, but Lexa had still felt that shift when she’d seen her. Had felt like things were finally starting to fall into place; to possibly make sense. That had to mean something. She had to be the key out of this mess.

With the confidence of a woman who hadn’t had to flirt with anyone but her own wife in years, Lexa made her way across the gallery and approached her. Clarke was laughing at something a young man was telling her, and if it might’ve looked like a polite laugh to anyone else, Lexa knew her too well to believe it. Clarke was trying to be charming–and succeeding, by the looks of the guy’s dopey grin–and Lexa could only hope she was trying to make a sale. She waited awkwardly until their conversation came to a natural end and the potential buyer shuffled around to the other side of the wall.

She cleared her throat to get Clarke’s attention, who had just run a hand through her choppy bob. The gallery was buzzing, and Lexa wondered if it was a usual sight for this Clarke or if it left her a bit nervous. She suspected it was the latter.

“Hello.”

The look Lexa received in return wasn’t what she was used to. She hadn’t realized just how tenderly her wife looked at her until she was confronted with the bemused expression of this Clarke. She was a stranger to her, and Lexa’s stomach twisted at the realization.  

Finding it hard to hold her stare any longer, she looked toward the true-to-size painting behind then. A male nude. Of course. It was an incredible piece of art, but Lexa was more used to her wife’s urban charcoals and watercolor landscapes. Then again, Clarke hadn’t picked up her art in a while. With Iris and teaching, life had become a bit too hectic.

“It’s great work,” Lexa blurted out, needing to make the connection happen.

Clarke blinked at her, either unsure if Lexa really meant it, or perplexed by the blunt statement before she’d even greeted her back.  

“Thank you.”

Lexa smiled, daring to look back at her again. God, those eyes could disarm her. “The shading is incredible. And the details. That’s a penis, all right.”

Clarke nodded slowly. “It sure is.”

“Do you paint a lot of those?”

Clarke raised a brow. “I’m sorry?”

“Nudes,” Lexa quickly added, feeling her palms grow moist. “In general, I mean.“ 

“Well, this entire wall and the other side are nudes. I do a fair amount, yeah. Are you interested in those in particular?”

“Oh, no,” Lexa answered without thinking.

Clarke seemed at a loss. “Is there something else I can help you with?”

“I’m not an art collector,” Lexa clarified. “But I do like to look at it.”

“I see. Might I recommend trying a museum next time?” Clarke suggested, not unkindly, but rather amused now.

Lexa smiled back, rubbing the back of her neck. “I’m sorry. I’m making a terrible first impression when all I wanted was to get to know the artist.”

Clarke’s head tilted to the side. “Have we met before?”

The question rekindled Lexa’s hopes. “Why do you ask?”

Clarke shrugged. “This is a private opening. The only faces I don’t recognize are buyers my manager invited, but since you’re not one of them…”

Lexa’s hope deflated like a balloon. “An acquaintance of mine mentioned it. I was curious, so I thought I would stop by.”

“Ah.”

“Would you… could I buy you dinner afterward?”

Clarke’s smile fell as her lips parted slightly. Her expression changed so quickly into one of confusion that Lexa knew she had asked the wrong question.

“Are you… asking me out?”

Lexa swallowed back the lump in her throat. “Suppose I am.”

“After we met eight seconds ago?”

Clarke’s tone had turned icy and Lexa felt herself start to panic. 

“Well, I–”

“For future reference, can I ask what gave you the impression I’d be interested?” Clarke asked, growing colder than Lexa remembered seeing her.

She hadn’t thought this far ahead and “Because we’re married" felt like a pretty shit explanation.

"I just assumed maybe–”

“Oh you assumed you could show up at a gallery and ask out the artist? Is this some kind of bet to you?”

“What? No, I…” Lexa shook her head, heart beating wildly as she realized this was a train-wreck in the making. "It’s not what you think-“

"Designer blazer with your goddamn initials, thousand-dollar watch, walks in to private events uninvited. No, I think I get the gist.”

"Can we start over?”

Clarke laughed humorlessly. “How about this: you trace back your footsteps out of this gallery, and I go back to trying to make a living.”

Clarke didn’t wait for an answer before she turned around with a glare and walked back into the crowd, leaving Lexa frozen in her spot.

Well.

Fuck.

#asks #bsau #clexa #i feel so bad for this lexa #she just wants her old life back

[not-your-glitch-bitch-blog]

Open when I’m gone

Phil dies of an illness, knowing he wont be able to grow old with Dan Phil decides to leave behind notes for Dan to open when he needs them. (angst, death, little fluff, bitter sweet ending)

________________________________________________________________

It hit Dan hard when Phil died. Dan had spent so much time with Phil before he died, Phil always told Dan how he didn't need to waste so much of his time with Phil, that he should go out with friends sometimes and hang out with other people. Dan knew that Phil was right, but in Dan's mind, Phil would be gone soon. Phil would be gone and Dan wouldn't be able to spend time with him, be able to hold him and kiss him. So Dan didn't give a fuck if he ignored his friends, if he missed days of work, hell Dan wouldn't have gave a shit if he got fired. The only thing Dan cared about was Phil.

In Phil's last days Dan stayed in the hospital with him and held his hand, he listened to Phil cry about how much he hurt and how he wanted it to be over, how he didn't want to be sick any more. Dan prayed that Phil would die, not because he wanted Phil to die, but because he wanted his suffering to end, when you care about someone and you have to sit and watch him suffer, it's the worse feeling in the world.

When Phil did die, Dan was shockingly okay. He thought he would break apart and kill himself on the inside, he thought that he wouldn't be able to cope and that he would be filled with regret and sorrow. However as sad as Dan was, he had no regrets, he spent as much time with Phil as he could and made Phil happy in the end. Dan hurt so much though and he spent a lot of time alone for a while away from everyone so he could grieve for Phil, so he could get all his emotions out and so he could suffer without anyone needing to watch.

However in the weeks he spent alone, he found something strange in Phil's room.

One night Dan was up late, he couldn't sleep and it was the middle of winter so it was cold in his room. Phil's room was always warmer, so after a lot of self talk Dan decided to go into Phil's room for the first time since he died. As soon as Dan opened the door he could smell Phil, which was odd because he had never really realised that Phil had a smell, but he did. Maybe Dan only realised now that Phil did because he was gone and Dan didn't' smell it everyday. Dan sat on Phil's bed for a while, he didn't really cry he mostly just had some tears in his eyes when he thought about Phil and the time they spent together.

Just as Dan was about to go to sleep, he turned over in the bed and was met with something odd. even though it was dark, Dan could still see it, the outline of many different envelopes. They seemed to be different colours. So he could get a better look, Dan turned on the lamp next to him and saw that they were indeed envelopes of many different colours. The one on the top of the pile was black and was labelled

'Open when I'm gone.'

Confused but very interested, Dan picked up the thin, slightly dusty envelope, opening it with care, treating it like it was a fine object. Right away Dan recognised the hand writing as Phil's. With a heavy heart Dan started to read it.

Dear Dan.

I knew you would come into my room eventually, I hope it's because you left your jumper in here and you want to get it and not because you want to sit on my bed and cry at the fact I'm gone. By the time you fund this I will be gone and I'll have left you alone in this world for the first time in many years and I must tell you Dan that I fear that you will not cope well, I fear that this will break you and that you will hide away into yourself and not let anyone get close, I've seen you do this and I don't want that for you and as Iie in my bed where I have been confined to for the rest of my days I worry constantly.

It is funny how I worry more for you than for myself, but that is because when I die, I die, I will feel nothing, everything I was will become nothing and I will not be aware of what is around me. However you will be left here with the pain and the memories of me, the sadness of my passing and this is why I worry, you never did do well with death and sadness, you never did well with being alone. I know you will grieve for me for a long time I can already tell and I wish I could be there to help you. But I can't.

I can however, leave my words behind. In each of the following envelopes is words that I have left behind for you, each of the envelopes is labeled differently and has a different colour. They are for you and you only. You must only open them when you need them most, not before or they will not have the same meaning as I want them to have. Don't you dare cheat and look at them now, I swear to god I will come back from the dead and haunt you if you do, I know how much you hate ghosts Dan. I hope you are doing okay right now and if you're not just remember that in time you will be.

All the love in the world - Phil x

(P.s, the envelope is black because it represents death and sorrow.)

Dan hugged the letter close to his chest and let out a shaky breath that sounded like a combination of a sob and a chuckle. Only Phil would be cheesy enough to leave him this, but only Phil would care enough to think of it. Dan looked at the rest of the envelopes and their colours. There was a red, yellow, green, blue, purple and white. Dan sighed softly as he looked at them, and he wondered what Phil could have written on the pages.

Two months later Dan felt like shit again. He always was one prone to be depressed or feel depressed a lot, he used to always say he blamed it on other relatives in his family who sufferer from depression, he always thought it was passed down the line, his brother and mother never had it but he and his dad did so he guessed it must be something that's been passed down. Lately he had been getting that feeling, that feeling of dread and despair, the feeling that made him wonder if life was worth it or not. That feeling was worse without having Phil here, if anything that fact that Phil died became fuel to the fire that was Dan's depressive state.

Today was just worse for some reason, he couldn't stop thinking about death, about the fact that in the big way of things his little life meant fuck all and how he knew he would die alone in the end, because everyone does really, they may have someone next to them, but they are still dying alone, moving on without the other person there. He thought about how Phil had to suffer.

Phil, one of the kindest people he ever met had to suffer and die for no reason, Phil who always tried to help others and just be as good as he could, Phil who was honest, Phil who was caring, Phil who was helpful had to suffer for fucking months before he died. Yet Dan who could be rude often with out meaning to, who was lazy, clingy, annoying who constantly fucked up was still fucking here, he was still breathing and walking and talking while Phil was six foot underground in the dark, Dan didn't see how it was fair and it made him angry.

It made him feel absolutely fucking worthless. He wished Phil was here.

Then Dan remembered that Phil wasn't there. But his words were.

Dan opened his drawer and right away was met with a blue envelope. 'Open when you're sad'

Dan opened the letter quickly but carefully.

Dear Dan I'm sorry that you're sad, were you thinking about death again? I bet you were, you thought about that a lot before I died. I will be writing in past trance as when you read this it will be in the past.  Is it death? Or self loathing?  Maybe it's both I can't be sure. However just in case it is the fact that you feel like you hate yourself I'm gonna list some of the things that I like about you and that you should like too.

1/ Your laugh, I know you hate it because it's loud and you think its annoying but I think it's a nice sound, it shows that your happy and enjoying yourself which is always good, you shouldn't hate your laugh, it's not annoying, it's wonderful.

2/ The way you laugh at the most horrible jokes and then go one to make even more horrible jokes, I know I always said that I hated that but really I liked it, I thought they were funny jokes.

3/ The way you sing loudly in the shower. Yes I could hear you, the whole of London could hear you Dan.

4/ That you're honest with me about everything, even if you know the honesty would hurt you're still honest, you're still true and you try so hard not to be mean about it but you don't sugar cote things.

5/  How much you care about things, how passionate you are about the things you love.

6/ The light you get in your eyes when you're happy, never lose that light, hold on to it forever.

7/  You're smile, keep on smelling please.

8/  How kind you are.

9/ how loving you are

10/  How strong you are.

I love you Dan, I know how sad you can get and I know you can't help it, but if it gets to the point where you don't wanna wake up and get out of bed please go see the doctor, I beg of you. I hope you'll be okay love, but you're strong so I know you will be.

All the love in the world -Phil x

(P.s the envelops is blue because that's a sad colour.)

Dan was laughing quietly to himself after he finished reading and he couldn't keep the wide smile off his face. After reading that Dan didn't  feel so down any more.

Over five years after Phil died and Dan was doing okay. He had opened all the letters that Phil had left him over the years.

'Open when you get good news' It was the Green one. Dan opened it when he got accepted into the uni he wanted, he was going train to be a doctor.

'Open when you're really happy' It was the yellow one. Dan opened it when he got a new dog named Rolo.

'Open when you wanna hear a joke to tell someone you like.' It was the orange one. Dan thought this one was strange and didn't really expect it but Dan opened it when he had a girl he liked, Iris at his flat one night. She laughed at the joke and later Dan and her had their first kiss. He spent the rest of the night laughing about how Phil was being his wing man from beyond the grave.

'Open me when you accomplish something big.' It was the purple one. Dan opened is the night he graduated from uni.

Now after years Dan only had one envelope left and this one scared him, because he didn't know what to would say.  It was the white one. 'Open when you get married.'  Dan had gotten married to his girlfriend, now wife, Iris a week and a half ago. They had come back from their honeymoon and now it was time for Dan to open the last letter, to read the last words Phil would ever say to him.

Dan opened it slower than the rest of them and started to read. He also realised that this letter was the longest one.

Dear Dan So here we are at the end, I would guess that this is the last letter from me you will open, I'm not sure how many years have passed from I died but I hope not to many. Congratulations on getting married Dan! I bet the wedding was lovely, I hope it was. Is the person nice? I'm sure they are, they better be and you better be nice to them too, you better love each other forever and have kids and grow old with each other. I wish we could have had that but sadly we can't so I can only hope you can have that with someone amazing.

I wanted this letter to be last because by the time you read it you wont need me any more, you'll have found someone to be happy with and you'll have moved on. You'll be happy Dan. All I wanted was for you to be happy.

This is our real goodbye Dan because after this all of me will be gone, this is the last time you will read any new words from me, my life gets shorter as you read these last pages and once you're done I'll be gone forever, the only thing I'll have left behind is old words that you will one day look back on and smile at I hope.

In a way I wanted to leave these letters so I could in a small way see part of your life, I could see you grow old. I got to share some of the best moments of your life with you which is what I wanted, what upset me most about the fact that I would die because Dan, as much as you don't want me to leave you, I don't wanna leave you.  However my time is done and I must leave you, but I know you will be happy.

I just wanna tell you how proud of you I am Dan, for everything you've done, for how strong you are, for how you've managed to find someone to make you happy and most of all Dan I'm proud of the fact that even when I was dying you stayed with me because it would have been easy for you to leave. I'm so thankful for that, for you.

Just do one thing for me...Don't forget me please. Don't forget the years we spent together, the things we did and how much we loved each other, don't move on and completely forget me, please keep a space for me in your heart. I love you and I'm so sorry that I never told you enough.

Before I go I just wanna say, that in my last few weeks before I went to sleep at night, I looked to the night sky, smiled and felt forever thankful. I felt thankful for you Dan.

With all the love in the world forever -Phil x

When Dan set the letter down he started to cry. He had never cried at any of Phils letters before, but this one just meant so much to him. Dan would always love Phil, that love would never go away, never lesson and Dan hopped that one day he could see Phil again. However in the meantime Dan had a lovely wife who he loved so much and he would love her for as long as he lived, he would keep her safe and happy just like Phil had done for him for all these years.

'Phil'

Dan thought shutting his eyes and thought about Phil for a second in his mind, when they first met, their first kiss, first time, Dan thought of all of that and all the times he and Phil had. Dan would never forget them.

'I love you’

#Phan #Phanfic #Phanfiction #My fics #phandom

[royal-iris]

@addie-bear

"Hey Addie Bear...." Iris couldn't help but trail off, smiling a weak willed smile as he sat down in one of the many chairs next to Addie's bed. He didn't waste any time in pulling his knees up onto the chair, reducing himself from the tall irken he was to the small and weak ball of nerves he was. He had been avoiding confronting Addie alone, knowing how it'd make him feel. He knew if he came here without Chance, it would just upset him more. It would make him feel as alone as he had feared. Oh, did Iris fear being alone. Pushing everyone away to cope with your abandonment issues, really? Iris could already hear the self hatred washing over him. Every movement felt slow, like he was trying to wade through water. Like he was drowning again in his own horrible thoughts. Feeling weak, he moved his hand to try and stroke her hair, or her face, or her hand.... but those were all places he touched when he told her to wait. They were intimate places, places of her she let him touch. She loved him, so much, and he couldn't even accept that love. No, he outright refused and rejected it. Prolonged it, tried to push it away. Tried to sweet talk her into waiting for something he wasn't even sure he could give because of his still stacking issues, and now that he's made up his mind? Does he even deserve it? The man he is today is something he didn't want to be. He didn't want Addie to see this side of him, but now that she can't see him at all, did it really fucking matter? "I haven't called you Addie Bear since we were kids. Remember how we used to have movie night every Saturday? Since the first movie night where we got angry at eachother for eating too much popcorn, we made it a tradition to have popcorn fights. I'd make it a habit to bring all sorts of snacks and different popcorns. Oh, Addie, remember the time we ate the cheddar popcorn? I put extra cheese on it, so when I threw it at you it got stuck in your hair. You were so mad because you were trying to grow your hair out like your mom's, but you had to cut it short again because it dried and got stuck there. I thought I was so proud and strong, but the next popcorn fight you brought caramel dripped popcorn with extra caramel." "You stuck it down my shirt and it got so stuck to my body and antennae that I had to be scrubbed down raw, otherwise it wouldn't of gotten off. I hated bathing back then, because it meant I had to be naked. You really got me back for the cheese incident, huh? You always had a way of making me feel weaker than you every single time. I always instigated it, but in the end you always won. That's just who you are, Addie. You're a winner, and I'm.... I'm just following the shadow of you." "Hahahahahh oh fuck, oh irk, I'm talking to thin air. If Chance wasn't here to keep me sane, I would be screaming at nothing in my ship. I remember when I lost Beatrix. You found me in space. I was barely conscious because I hadn't been eating and sleeping properly, considering I had no snacks in the ship I was in. The universe was gone, Addie. We clung to eachother and were happy, greeting eachother like the lost friends we were. But the moment you were gone? I broke down. I broke down bad, and I did things I regretted. Then I went out and trashed a bunch of rich people's planets." "Fuck those guys for reserving a planet all to themselves. Fuck them for having like 50 different ships, while people on other planets are fucking starving. Or lost their homes. Their universes. Fuck them, Addie. Really, truly, fuck them. It was the first time I felt hateful. It was the first time I wanted to destroy something, and I got a taste of truly what it was like to be my parents. It might have been towards those horrible bureaucrats who needed a smack down, but I enjoyed revelling in their discomfort. I felt like a monster of a person, Addie. I didn't do it because I truly hated them, I did it because I wanted to feel better about being empty. There is nothing more empty than being alone, Addie...." "If Chance knew I was self deprecating, he'd get really sad and upset. Hell, if you knew I was self deprecating, you'd try everything in your power to console me overtop of your own feelings. It's what you always do.... I'm trying to do strong by you, but every time I do that I push you away. However, when I try and show you the vulnerable sides of me it feels like you're just sacrificing your feelings for mine.... Can we as united people truly love without self sacrifice? I know, I've known all this time.... How unhealthy this all is of me. I know how badly I've been beating myself up this whole time, in order to try and continue to maintain this moral standing ground." "It's fucking dumb, Addie. I come from a family line where the only time we actually do right by society is when we COMPLETELY hate ourselves. If we try and lie and say we feel content and happy, or find an ounce of happiness finally after so long? It just rots us. It rots us right here." Iris grabbed the shirt of his uniform tightly, feeling it in his core how true it was. The moment he began loving Chance is when it started to hurt the most. All of it came pouring out, and it wouldn't stop. Iris just wanted it to stop. He didn't want to be crying like a fucking wimp like this at Addie's bedside, but he was. He doubled over, clutching his chest and sobbing into her shoulder. It was bittersweet, because this was the shoulder he could always cry onto when they were kids. Yet she wasn't actually here to console him. It felt fake, unreal. Like reality was closing in on him. "I trained all my life to correct the mistakes of my ancestors, Addie.... I trained so hard.... I poured every ounce of myself into it. And by doing that? By fucking doing that? I'm slowly becoming them.... Addie, I'm scared. Addie, I'm so fucking scared without you. Without you, I've always been scared. Yet I let myself be scared, because I thought I was protecting something. I wasn't! I wasn't protecting anything! I was just making myself hurt.... I made myself hurt because I thought I fucking deserved it. Well Addie, I didn't deserve it before, but I fucking do now. I deserve it because you're here in this bed, when it could've easily been me instead of you...." Iris hiccuped in his sob and shook violently. He knew that her shoulder was wet and soaking, but he didn't care anymore. "It shouldn't of been you.... I was ready to die a martyr the moment I was born, Addie. You have a place in this universe, but I never felt like I fucking fit until you. Until you, nothing made sense. I didn't have a purpose until you gave me one, and now you're gone.... Addie, if I have to live my life in the place of your's? I will live every fucking ounce of it until it fucking hurts. Until my fucking spooch gives out, I'll work for you. All for you. You deserve the moon, the stars, the universe. You deserved our universe not fucking dying, Addie. You deserved all of the universes combined. You're literally the best thing that has happened in my life, and I just wish you could hear that. I just wanted you to hear that, even if you can't respond." Iris knew she couldn't hear, that she couldn't listen, but it made him feel better to imagine she could. That she could hear, she just couldn't talk back yet. That maybe she would talk back again. He dried his eyes and tried to check himself in a mirror, making sure he was presentable before walking out. However, when he did, he noticed Addie's mom standing there patiently. The doors weren't thick, she probably heard all of that. With shame and embarrassment, he rushed past her and down the hall, not stopping to talk to her about it. He didn't want to, and he couldn't. He just couldn't, not when he had work to do. Iris had to fix this, if not for Addie? Then at least for Chance.

#ic #{rants} #addie-bear

[thebeautifulgame7]

Reputation

CO-WRITER: @jazzhandspotter

CHAPTER INDEX

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Sergio’s POV:

After the engagement party I received quite a few texts from Iris explaining to me that she was caught off guard and that what almost happened never should have. I found it all pretty funny seeing as I had her all set to fuck me. I was never going to, I just had to know if she was at least considering it as an option.

Like I’ve said a thousand times, I am not a homewrecker, but that doesn’t mean I can’t show Iris what she’s missing out on. Teasing and flirting was never off the table for me. Besides, when I tried to be as nice as possible all she could do was accuse me of sleeping with her, so I thought, why not step it up a little. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, especially when it comes to this.

If it wasn’t obvious already, Iker chose me as his best man for the wedding, and no surprise here, Iris is the maid of honor for Lia. I found it all to be a little too coincidental but I wasn’t going to say anything. According to Lia, Iris and I had to coordinate and get things planned for the wedding. Basically it meant Iris and I had to sit around making calls and, in my case, using my fame to get them everything Iker and Lia wanted for their perfect wedding.

Lia also gave Iris a lot of creative liberties for the interior design of the wedding. It made sense I guess, she was a designer after all. Lia also told me I could help, I guess I was supposed to be Iker’s voice in the whole decorating process. So besides making calls, Iris and I had to visit different stores and work together on some designs.

Iris actually invited me to her work space in the city every few nights so we could work on stuff, after all the wedding, at this point, was a little more than three months away and there was still so much to do. So that’s how I found myself heading into downtown Madrid with take out dinner in my passenger seat.

I had really gotten close with Iris in these last few weeks, friendship wise anyways. As far as she was concerned, the engagement party never happened, and I didn’t bother pressing it too much. I parked underneath the building and made my way to the twenty third floor. The elevator shot up and when the door opened the office was quiet.

“Iris?” I shouted to the large, dark floor, cautiously glancing around as I stepped off the elevator.

“Down here!” A voice shouted and I followed the voice to a better-lit part of the office, take out still in my hands.

“Hey, I brought us some dinner. I hope Japanese is okay, I still have to watch what I’m eating.” I smiled at her and set the bag on the table.

Iris smiled at me and brushed some hair from her face, “That’s perfect, I love sushi. Why don’t we eat first and then I can show you what I’ve been working on.” She said before rifling through the bag of food.

I sat down at a large design table close to Iris as we shared some sushi. I’m glad it worked out that way, I would’ve felt bad if she didn’t like what I brought.

“So I saw you in the papers today.” Iris broke out comfortable silence, wiping her mouth.

“Oh yeah? What’d they say now?” I couldn’t help the playful smile that crept onto my face. “I thought I was being good this week.” I laughed and so did Iris.

“It wasn’t anything bad.” She trailed off for a second and picked at some of her food. My full attention was on her now. “Uh, just what caught my attention was what you were wearing.” Iris looked back up at me.

“Oh?” I raised an eyebrow, curious about where this was going, however I had a feeling I knew.

“Yeah, I didn’t know you bought something from my collection. It means a lot.” She gave me a small smile and laid her hand on mine, rubbing it slightly.

“Of course, I thought that shirt was so cool, I had to have it.” I smiled. “I’m glad I bought it when I did. I told you that collection would go fast.” I winked at her and she blushed a little.

I just couldn’t help myself from supporting her. She had designed this button up short sleeve that incorporated masterpieces from the Museo del Prado.

“You really thought it was cool?” Iris looked at me hopefully.

“Absolutely, the whole collection was fantastic, but that shirt, come on it was totally something I would wear!” I answered enthusiastically.

“It really means a lot that you did that, and to wear it out where paparazzi would take photos, you really didn’t have to.” She looked down again before reaching for another roll to eat.

“People have to see the amazing work you’re doing, and if me wearing it in public gets you that attention, then that’s great. I just bought it because I liked it.” I shrugged. “And I wanted to support you.”

“Well thank you.” She wiped her mouth again and set her chopsticks down. “Now let me show you what I’ve designed for the tables.” Iris stood up and grabbed some sketches.

***

“You really think it’s good?” Iris asked me as I leaned over the design table next to her. I looked down at her and smiled gently. We had accomplished what we were trying to for the night and she wanted to show me some new designs she had come up with for a new line.

“Absolutely.” I answered easily. “I’m surprised Carolina Herrera hasn’t recruited you yet. You have an eye for fashion and it shows.” I could see her eyes sparkle at my response. “It’s what you were meant to do.” I said softly and reached over to take her hand.

Iris didn’t pull her hand back like I had expected, in fact she didn’t even flinch. My thumb gently rubbed against the back side of her hand as it rested on the table. Iris and I maintained eye contact for a few moments before she looked down.

“Uh, god what am I doing?” She whispered to herself and backed away slightly, letting my hand go.

I frowned and looked at her, “what do you mean?” I stepped closer but she put a hand up.

“Just stop.” She stated and looked back up at me. I was beyond confused at this point and I think she realized it.

“Stop what?” I asked.

“Stop doing this.” Iris hastily gestured to me. “All this.” She added, getting a little louder.

“Iris, I really don’t know what you’re on about.” I stepped closer again, and this time she didn’t back up.

“Stop being so nice to me. You come around and you dress nice, and you smell nice, and you just you’re so nice to me and I don’t get it. It’s messing with my head.” She explained and I could only stare, my face scrunching slightly in confusion and frustration.

“Iris I-” I tried but she cut me off, putting a hand up between us.

“No Sergio, I know what you’re doing. I have a boyfriend and I can’t just leave him.” Iris interrupted

“Hey whoa, I didn’t say anything about that.” I put my hands up to portray my innocence.

“You keep showing up in my life, and treating me like I’m the greatest girl you’ve ever met and it’s fucking with my head!” She yelled back at me.

“I show up because we have the same best friends Iris, and so what if I like spending time with you? Is that a crime?” I said in a calmer tone, hoping to settle her down.

“Well- no, it isn’t but- but it’s making me think about things. I mean shit Sergio I was ready to fuck you in Iker’s bathroom a month ago, and we’re supposed to act like we’re just friends and everything is fine?” Iris looked at me, hoping I had a magic answer. “That’s exactly what you were going for weren’t you? You wanted to tease me like that, you enjoy having power over women, or is it just me?” She asked.

I was silent for a few moments, thinking. Was this really happening? “I just wanted to see what would happen, you really pissed me off when you assumed we hooked up and in reality all I did was stay up half the night making sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit! So maybe I just wanted to get back at you.” I answered, starting to get upset with the situation.

“And I apologized! Christ, Sergio you’ve got this whole nice guy act down to a science, pretending to care about my job and my interests. You want to convince me you’re the best thing for me so that you can get in my pants and put another notch in your bedpost and then oh yeah, act like nothing happened!” Iris was getting so worked up and all from me grabbing her hand. Sure I was coming onto her a little bit, but I didn’t think this would happen. She seemed genuinely upset.

“Sergio I’m just confused, I never know what the truth is with you and how you act because it’s different every fucking time I see you.” She added, this time in a softer tone.

I stared at her hard for a few moments, “The truth, Iris? That’s what you want?” I asked in a very calm, but calculated tone. She nodded and I took a deep breath.

“I treat you like you’re the greatest girl I’ve ever met because that’s what I see when I look at you. Watching you work, hearing you talk in detail about your passions and your life is something I’ve come to really enjoy. I can’t help my feelings Iris. I know you have a boyfriend, why do you think I’ve been trying to be so nice? Maybe then I can cope with it, because lord knows if anything sexual happened you’d go crying and running back to him. You’d be forever convinced that I’m the man everyone says I am. I want to give you the world and I can’t and I’m trying my hardest to deal with that. Can you really fault me for testing the waters once in a while?” I looked intently at Iris, neither of us breaking eye contact.

“If it isn’t obvious, I want you Iris, I want you bad; but I can’t have you and it sucks.” I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the whole truth; that I’d fallen for her quite a bit. That I thought about her every day and missed her on days when we didn’t get together to plan this wedding.

I wanted to show her how a real man would treat her, in bed, on a date, in life. She deserved someone who valued her career and her personality, her fervor for life. There was no way she was satisfied by Joey in all those categories.

I just wanted her to choose me.

***

Iris’s POV:

“You can’t wait around for me Sergio. I don’t know how long it’ll be.” I said softly, still maintaining our eye contact. I suppose it was my fault we were in this situation, seeing as I freaked when he touched my hand. The way I see it though, this conversation was inevitable and at least here in my office it was just us, no interuptions.

“It’s fine, I’ll wait.” He responded without missing a beat, taking a step closer to me.

“I already told you, it could be long time, if it ever happens.” I looked away, folding my arms.

“I’m not busy with anyone else, right now I can wait as long as it takes.” Sergio answered coolly, like he had thought about this conversation many times.

“But what if one day you don’t want to wait, then what?” I looked back at him. He smiled softly and licked his lips before answering.

“Then I move on.” He shrugged, stating it as if it all were that simple. “But I don’t think I’ll have to wait that long.” He added and I narrowed my gaze at him.

“And why is that?” I asked him, realizing how close together we were now and gulping slightly. He always smelled so good, and right now was no exception.

“Because.” He stated before moving down to my level. I found myself following his movements and closing the gap between us, left without a complete answer to my question.

I wasn’t sure if he was attempting to tease me again, but as I saw him close his eyes, realized he wasn’t. I didn’t bother fighting him on this, what was the harm in a kiss anyways?

Our lips met and I swear I felt a spark. His were soft, although with a self-care routine like his, I don’t know why I expected anything different. Sergio was delicate with his movements and something about the situation felt familiar. My thoughts led me to believe that this was how our kiss went at his house. I couldn’t remember exactly, but something told me we did not kiss torridly that evening.

I unfolded my arms from across my chest and wrapped them around his neck. I felt his grab my waist and pull me closer. Sergio exhaled heavily before deepening the kiss, his tongue teasing my lips slightly. One of his hands moved up to cup my jaw and cheek while the other arm wrapped itself around me, keeping me in his grip. The way he kissed me told me what he said, he really meant. It wasn’t rough, rather it was forceful, with some intensity.

Sergio, I had come to notice had a certain aura of passion that surrounded him, must be his Spanish roots. That passion manifested itself in much of what he did, and here was no exception to that. To be kissed by someone with that kind of desire and fire inside of them was an experience I had not felt in quite a long time, maybe not ever. After growing weak from his teasing I obliged and cautiously parted my lips, my tongue hesitantly reaching out to meet his.

What surprised me the most about this whole situation was that Sergio seemed satisfied enough with just a kiss, albeit a very heated one. I was expecting him to press me more, to feel his fingers fiddle with my belt. It was a pleasant change of pace to kiss someone who took pride in how they went about it all. His experience was obvious, he knew how to pace things out, not that there was any rush anyways. No one would be back in this office until the morning.

The thought of staying here and kissing him all night was enticing and he was doing a fantastic job at making that option as tempting as it could be. He wasn’t aggressive with his tongue, but more curious than anything else. He was just as surprised as I was that I had let this go on for as long as it did.

His taste was unique, it was a little sweet, but that could be from the large quantities of rice and ponzu sauce he had consumed earlier and then finished off with some bubble gum. Thankfully he had spit that out a while ago. In any event, the taste of his lips and tongue was something worth savoring, and as a woman in a relationship kissing a man that wasn’t mine, that was problematic. I certainly wasn’t going to do anything about that now though.

My fingers cautiously reached up to gently play with his hair, slowly working their way up the longer strands on the top. Most of the styling product he had put in it this morning had worn off by now. I didn’t mind at all because it made it soft and malleable, two things I loved when playing with hair.

One of my hands drifted to his cheek, feeling the sharp stubble against the pads of my fingers. My thumb stroked across his cheek as we continued to kiss. By this point we had grown more familiar with the other, tongues had gotten a little more bold, pushing and prodding more so than before.

Minutes ticked by without either of us knowing or minding. Sergio knew how to lead a kiss because at some point he had hoisted me onto the table and moved himself in between my legs. It’s worth repeating however, that he didn’t press further than that. Neither of us broke the kiss either, for as long as it carried on. I think we both feared that once we did, our lips would never meet again.

My thoughts however jumbled they were at this point, couldn’t help but wonder what those experienced lips would feel like on my neck, or how that stubble would scrape against the sensitive skin in regions more south. He would be good at that, there was no doubt in my mind, but tonight, or any night close to it was not the time to find out, no matter how much my curiosity was peaked at this point.

With a gentle bite and tug of Sergio’s lower lip, I broke our kiss that seemed to last forever. It was a nice change to just kiss someone without it being a precursor to sex. I think once you get into a long term relationship, you forget how nice that can be.

Sergio’s eyes slowly opened as my lips left his. He leaned in once more and pecked my lips quickly. “Because you kissed my like that.” He gave me a small smile before helping me off the table. By that point the blush on my cheeks had become a burning red, no way of hiding it.

We were left with a somewhat comfortable silence, as I hastily reorganized the papers and designs that had been disturbed, flustered from the whole situation.

The night ended with a little small talk and casual conversation. Neither of us bothered to talk about what had just happened, the conversation and the long, long kiss were left to sit in our minds, idling for now. We took the elevator down to the parking garage, and Sergio ever the gentleman, walked me to my car.

“I’ll see you on Friday to get some of this ordered.” He pointed to the stack of folders in my hand.

I nodded, “Friday it is.” I smiled gently at him.

So I guess he was right, there was a chance he wouldn’t be waiting that long. I was however, left in a very, very sticky situation at this point. I still deeply cared about Joey, he was a sweet man, but had his off days, like everyone else. Lately, I was getting the feeling that I was second to his job and that put some stress on our relationship. He was growing jealous at the attention I was getting in my field, and Sergio wearing the shirt I designed did little to calm his fear of Sergio stealing me away. I suppose me kissing Sergio didn’t help either.

Even if I were to dump Joey tomorrow, rushing into something with Sergio could only lead to disaster. While he claimed he was ready, I had a feeling he would find it difficult to immediately switch to an exclusive relationship. No matter how much he assured me that he was not the huge player everyone swore he was, there was as seed of doubt in my mind. Old habits die hard and I did not want to be the one who led him to feel tied down and suffocated. I also didn’t want the constant worry of him being away and around other beautiful women.

I guess what I’m getting at is that I had thought about a possible relationship with Sergio more than I was willing to admit, and I was still left with some doubts and some of my own insecurities that I needed to address and deal with before I made any big changes to my life. For now, until things and my feelings could be sorted out, I have to keep Sergio at a distance, which was task that was growing in difficulty every time I saw him.

#Sergio Ramos #reputation #chapter 7 #iker casillas #iris #lia #fan fiction #football fanfiction #football fandom #football #Sergio Ramos Fanfiction #sergio ramos fanfic #Real Madrid #spain nt #spain national team

[narutofoxlover]

The End or a New Beginning? An Anti/Jack oneshot

           Jack's body stirred after being eerily still for a few minutes, a groan emitting from him. He sat up slowly and his eyes opened to reveal that the left iris had turned green. Glitches ran over him and when they were gone several things had changed. His ears were pointed and adorned with simple, black gages. Dark circles surrounded his eyes and when his mouth opened, small, sharp fangs had replaced his eyeteeth. He had dropped the knife he had been holding and was now staring shakily at his hands.

            "I-I did it? I-I'm free? It actually worked?" He said slowly, completely stunned. His voice had a slight rasp to it, most likely due to the fresh cut on his throat which had already stopped bleeding. It was oddly a slightly higher pitch too. Joyful tears welled up in his eyes. He was free! He was finally out of that dark void he had been trapped in for years. That Jack trapped him in. His face broke into a wide grin. "It worked! I'm in control! It really fucking worked!" He said excitedly. He glanced at the still recording camera and his bright smile turned into a mischievous grin. Might as well finish the little show he and his unwitting host had started.

Some time later

               'Jack' hissed in pain as he cleaned up the slit on his throat. The antiseptic burned like a bitch. When he was done he took a moment to take in his appearance in the mirror. He was pleased to see the changes he had made to himself in the mindscape were visible on this body now that he was controlling it. He frowned as he observed the wound on his neck. He had hoped it wouldn't transfer to him since he was the one who inflicted it, but sadly that  wasn't the case. Another scar to go with all the others.

                 He took off his shirt and inspected himself more thoroughly. Faded scars of various sizes dotted his arms, a long one running down his right hip just above his v-line. So it wasn't just his face, Jack's body now looked exactly like his. A faint voice sounded in the back of his head, the same one that had been nagging at him since he first woke up after taking over this body. He growled in annoyance, why wouldn't he just shut up already? Jack hadn't been able to hear him at all after he locked him away, so why could he hear Jack now that their situations had been reversed?

                 He suddenly winced, leaning over the sink and gripping the sides of it tightly as a dizzy spell hit him, a splitting headache starting up. Jack was trying to take back control. No, he wouldn't let him! He wasn't going to be trapped in there again! He was finally free, he couldn't bare to go back. The inky blackness had been suffocating, he would surely fade away if he got imprisoned again. He grit his teeth, eyes clenched shut as he fought Jack off, desperately clinging on to what control he had.

                ~LET ME OUT! This is my body! Give it back!~ Jack shouted in his head. ~NO! I'm not letting you lock me up again! Fifteen fucking years of torture, of being bound and gagged in the back of your head and taking on everything that made you miserable, taking on every injury, while you got live your happy little life, I'm not doing that again! I won't let you! I have just as much a right to have a happy, normal life as you! I didn't ask to be put in your head! I didn't ask to exist! I didn't deserve what you did to me! This is my payback for everything you put me through!~ He yelled back, tears running down his face. He'd rather die than live through that hell again. He couldn't go back, he wouldn't. 

                  There was stunned silence from Jack's end and he relaxed as the feeling of Jack trying to take over ceased. After a few minutes of silence Jack spoke up again. ~I had no idea that's what you felt. To be honest, I stopped thinking you were real years ago. I didn't know I was doing that to you. I thought I just had some really good luck with never getting anything more serious than a few bumps and bruises. That I was just really good at coping with things. Taking all of that, while being locked away with no sign of gratitude, no wonder you're angry at me. It had to have been maddening. I'm so sorry I did that to you. You're right, you didn't deserve it. But I was scared kid back then, I didn't know you meant no harm. I've changed. If you just give me a chance, I promise I won't lock you away again, as long as you promise not to pull a stunt like this again. You could have killed us both back there.~

                    He was quiet, absorbing Jack's words carefully, trying to find any falseness to what he had said. He wanted to believe him, oh how he wanted to. Afterall, he had wanted so badly in the beginning to befriend Jack. They shared the same body afterall. In a way, they could probably be considered brothers. But then Jack locked him away and he grew angry and jealous over the years, jealous of how great things were going for Jack while he suffered in forced silence. But, at the same time, he knew Jack was right, Jack had changed. He had watched him change, watched how Youtube had shaped him into such a good person.

                   Finally, he responded. ~Y-You promise? You won't imprison me again? Will you let me out like this every once in a while?~  ~I promise. And as long you behave and don't force anything, I think I can I do that. Maybe I'll even let you show up in videos now and then. The fans certainly liked all that creepy stuff you did, though at the time I had no idea you were responsible.~ Jack answered. He smiled brightly at Jack's words. ~It's a deal then. You let me out now and then and I'll do my best to behave and entertain your fans a little whenever a good opportunity arises.~ 

                  Glitches ran over Jack's body and when they dissipated his appearance was back to normal. Jack was in control again. He smiled at his reflection, it was good to have his body back. He was pleased to see that the only sign of the cut that had been on his throat was some irritated looking red marks. ~So, do have a name or do you just go by what the fans call you? Antisepticeye I think, cuz they thought you were that character they made out of some random creepy stuff I did in a few videos.~

                  ~I like the name Anti. I mean, technically, I am Antisepticeye. I'm a 'darker' personality separate from you that lives in your head, just like that character. I actually messed with my appearance to look more like the character in order to appeal to them, as well as help differentiate myself from you. So yeah, call me Anti.~ ~Well then, Anti it is. I look forward to working together with you. I think we can do something really amazing together.~ ~Me too Jack, me too.~

(( This is the events during and after Say Goodbye seen from my Anti's perspective @i-am-a-fan @martinplier @egotisticalfloof @anti-support-group @anti-protection-squad @antisepticeye-protec-squad ))

#jacksepticeye #antisepticeye #my anti #my story

[olympus-summit]

Dead Angle | Setsuna | Trial 3 Results | Re: Adelina / ATTN: Rusty, Charon

Uuu… uuu, there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say. Was this really it? She curled in on herself, either unable or unwilling to answer until all the tension she’d been holding in burst out at once. Her expression was still hard to read, but it was clear that she was pissed at Adelina.

“Stop acting like you know anything about me! You don’t! You don’t know how I feel or how I think! You’re just a big bully who thinks she’s always right because you’re smarter than me. Well, being smart doesn’t mean anything if you can’t be nice, too! So I’m not going to listen to you anymore.”

It was hard to tell, but it sounded a bit like she’d started crying at some point during that. Still, with as much vigor as she could, she stormed over and planted her little straw crow right on Adelina’s table as what was presumably intended to be some sort of final take-that. It… probably would have been more impactful if she wasn’t hobbling kind of slowly. Bad knee and all.

She knew this verdict was coming, but that made it no easier to cope. The cold hands of the reaper on her shoulders weren’t comforting. She didn’t know if she should be sad or angry or scared or everything at once.

“None of you get it… I don’t care if I die, even if it’s scary. I don’t think I’ve cared for a long time. I meant it when I said I was thinking about that. But I was also, um… thinking a lot about other stuff. All that stuff about fate… did it ever really matter? Or did I just pretend it did because it was less scary than thinking I could kill someone? But even that idea wasn’t as scary anymore when I realized.”

Realized… what?

“If, um, I couldn’t do this task because I can’t really swim or hold my breath or anything, then it��� probably wasn’t just me that wouldn’t be able to do it. That’s what I realized. Um, but this time, I didn’t panic… um, I didn’t really have a plan, either, though, other than… um, using the gift Nezumi-kun left for me ‘cause I wasn’t the only one with one. I just saw her, and… yeah. It happened really fast, and, um. I’d… I would never ever do something as horrible as bury someone alive. I didn’t know, so I don’t feel bad about it.”

Eh…

“I didn’t know about a lot of things. I didn’t know they would make us look for her. This trial wasn’t even supposed to happen. They said the motive would stop once someone died. And, um, and… the ground’s not deep enough, so… I thought once she was dead it was the best I could do. I prayed that she would be okay with it as a resting place.”

Somehow, that seems unlikely.

“But I’m not cruel or evil or whatever you think! I didn’t know she wasn’t dead! I didn’t know Rusty-kun was going to be safe! I did the best thing I could at the time, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just like it was back then. I didn’t want Seikyo-kun to die. So I did something about it. That’s all anyone can do. The thing they think is best at the moment. … I wonder if that’s how he felt too. That would be really, really sad if it was. I guess I’ll never know, though.”

No points for guessing who the fuck, exactly, Seikyo is.

With all that said and done, she makes her way over to wherever Rusty’s at right now, turning her back to just about everyone else and sweeping her bangs aside to be able to, at least, look him in the eye. Or try to, anyways. It’s obvious that she’s having a straight-up bad time right now. Still, somehow, despite everything, she manages to be genuinely relieved as well.

“I’m just glad you’re going to be okay. I’ve never had a friend like you before. In case there’s an afterlife, please try to remember me so we can be friends there too one day. And, um, another thing…”

She held out her shovel as if it was some kind of object of great importance. Then again, it clearly was to her, so perhaps in that moment it truly could have been.

“Do you think you could hold onto this for me?”

It was the only thing she really had left that she wanted to do. It would be ludicrous to say she was dying without regrets - in fact, it seemed more like she was dying just as she was beginning to realize what her regrets even were. Perhaps if fate were kinder it wouldn’t have turned out like this, but perhaps that decision was never fate’s to make in the first place.

Ah… right, there was another thing that she had to do before it was too late. She’d just… shout it over. She wasn’t exactly ready to step away from her best friend for the last time just yet.

“Oh, and Charon-kun, the thing on my iRis… do you think you could give that to Rusty-kun too? Please?”

#chapter 3 #trial 3 #setsuna #submission

[leorugiet]

📖

Send 📖 to read my muse’s diary: Bonus points if it’s about your muse

Cor’s journals are surprisingly easy to find. Just sitting on the bookshelf, he’s personally never felt like there was much to hide. It’s easy to pluck one off the shelf and open into it. Unlike the ones stored inside the drawers under the bookshelf, this journal isn’t battered with blood, bullet holes, or coffee stains, only yellowing around the corners, pencil marks fading with time.

741 M.E. July 6th

Clarus had another kid, a baby girl. Iris. I wanted to visit. I really did. They probably wouldn’t believe me if I said that. Because I still haven’t visited. And I’m not going to. This time I was actually here in Insomnia. I had no excuse. I can’t stand hospitals. I’ve been in them for too long. The pus, the blood, the death -- I can’t stay there. I’ll have another “episode” like last time. I wished the baby good health. That’s enough, isn’t it?

741 M.E. August 5th

Regis wants me checked out by a doctor. I refused. I know what’ll happen. I’ll be sent to the nut house and get discharged from the Military. I can’t do that. I don’t know how to do anything else but work here. I’ve been here for 17 years. I just have to focus. What the fuck is wrong with me? I keep having those dreams. And that “episode” happened again. I know what I need to do. I need to focus on when it happens, and avoid it as much as possible.

741 M.E. August 13th

If someone pins my arms. If someone cooks me food without me supervising. If someone gives me medication. These are some things that start giving me “episodes”. I’m avoiding it as much as possible. It’s still happening. What am I missing?

741 M.E. August 22nd

It’s just me. Other soldiers don’t get like this. They don’t think about something that happened years ago. They don’t wake up grabbing their knife, ready to attack. They don’t wake up sweating, screaming, saying things in their sleep. I should see a doctor. But I can’t. I just can’t. I need to cope with this somehow. I was fine when I was stuck out in Niflheim. Why am I not fine in my own bed?

741 M.E. September 4th

I hurt Clarus’s son. Gladiolus. I’m not allowed to train with them anymore. I honestly don’t want to train with him. He’s just a child. I can’t even train regular soldiers without hurting them. The boy was bleeding. I told him to get used to it. Clarus doesn’t want me around his children. That’s fine. I don’t have to babysit Iris anymore.

741 M.E. September 29th

I thought Regis was joking about the Kingsglaive back in August. Looks like he meant it. Most of them are Immigrants too. Some of them look ready, a lot of them don’t. Some of them don’t like Lucians, and a lot of Lucian’s don’t like them. I don’t know what this means for the Crownsguard. I’m not sure what I’ll do if they get disbanded.

741 M.E. October 5th

Regis promoted me to Marshal out of nowhere. The last Marshal shot himself a couple days ago. The way things are going for me, I’m hoping I’m not gonna end up like that. He’s not pestering me to go to the doctor. Apparently I’m the youngest Marshal there’s ever been. That’s not news to me. I’ve worked here just as long as most other Marshal’s anyway.

Maybe I can convince people to just call me Marshal. Drop that “Immortal” nonsense.

Probably not.

#headcanon #suicide tw #ptsd tw #about cor #hello yes time for my interjected headcanons for no reason #it's that hour of the night isn't it #thank u for sending #long post #clipeumregia

[bespectacled-girl-blog]

Flying Away: Chapter 9

Word Count: 2532

 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 

Okay guys, I am so sorry (not really) for everything that happens to Iggy in that chapter! I hadn't planned half of it, but then my hands moved of their own accord and just kept on adding more angst. I promise it'll go better eventually, probably by chapter 10, maybe chapter 11 if my hands keep doing the same thing (⊙ヮ⊙) Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Tagging my everyday inspirations @nifwrites, @themissimmortal, @blindbae, @cupnoodle-queen, @stunninglyignis, @atarostarling, @lupanaoflaminar​

Ignis couldn’t stand it any more. After barely an hour of driving his companions and Iris toward Caem, he pulled over and turned to Gladio.

“Gladio, may I have a private word with you?”

Eyeing him suspiciously, the big guy got off the car and made his way to the railway. Turning back, he didn’t wait for Ignis to talk.

“What’s the matter Iggy?”

“Gladio, we’ve been friends for many years. I value our friendship greatly, but I cannot tolerate this situation any longer. I would normally have left the field clear for you, and you have probably noticed I tried my best to do just that. But this is proving too hard a task, and I am only a man. I…”

“Come on Iggy, spit it out.”

Ignis sighed, the feeling of being trapped never wavering his determination.

“I like Lyne. I would be the happiest man on Eos, should she like me back. And even though I have tried very hard not to let my feelings interfere with my mission, I cannot leave her alone like that. I have decided to leave Noct in your care for the time being, and rejoin Lyne to take her safely to Caem. Should you wish to stop me from doing so, know that I am ready to fight you over this.”

There. He’d said it. There was no going back now. Gladio remained silent for a few seconds, his gaze fixed on the Disc of Cauthess. Then he turned to Ignis, chuckling.

“Better late than never, huh? I wondered how long it would take you to finally realize that nobody but you had forbidden you to court her. I’m not going to stop you, because first I’ve gotta stay with Iris and Noct until we reach Caem, and then I feel like trusting Lyne to choose the man who will be best for her. And frankly, I’m sure I will enjoy the competition.”

Ignis had not been expecting that. He was glad that Gladio understood, and thanked his friend before taking his leave. He saw the puzzled looks on Iris’ and Noctis’ faces, but right now, he couldn’t care less what they thought. He was finally doing what was right, what his heart was telling him.

He gave a small smile at Prompto’s thumbs up, and started toward Lestallum. It was going to be a long walk, but he knew it was worth it.

To be honest, his change of attitude was all thanks to Prompto. The blonde guy had gone to him one night when he’d found Ignis brooding on his own near the outlook in Lestallum, and asked him what was the matter. At first the royal advisor had tried to give him vague answers, but Prompto was having none of it. He’d blurted out suddenly:

“It’s about Lyne, right? You like her?”

And just like that, Ignis had found himself confiding in his blonde friend, about his conflicting feelings between his attraction to the young woman, his friendship with Gladio, and his duty to Noct.

With the innocence that characterised Prompto, he’d told him “If you like her, you shouldn’t try to hide your feelings behind your duty, because first that’s a false excuse, and even though it’s normal to be afraid, that shouldn’t prevent you from following your heart. And second, you say you’d choose your duty to Noct over her, but you’ve been acting so weird lately, that I’m not sure you’re helping Noct right now. Not to be offending or anything, but I feel like you would be much more helpful if you were your usual self.”

Prompto had been right of course, he could see that now. He could already feel that going his separate way to protect Lyne was the best decision he had ever made, even if it meant leaving his liege in the care of others for a few days.

All of Lyne’s body was tense with fear. Only adrenaline kept her going as she got ready to spring from her hiding spot to strike her pursuer. Still three more steps to go. Two… One… With a roar, she jumped at her attacker, summoning one of her daggers in the process. She managed to slam him into the wall behind, and pointed her weapon at his throat. That’s when she took note of a pair of turquoise eyes, spectacles, and a very surprised look. She immediately let go of Ignis, backing several steps away.

“Ignis, I’m so sorry! What are you doing here?”

Never losing his composure, the lean man looked her in the eye (something he hadn't done in days, and that didn't escape her), and replied with a smile:

“I wanted to make sure you were alright after seeing you walking out of that bar looking quite inebriated, but I can see you are indeed perfectly well.”

“But… I thought you were off to Caem with the others?”

“That was indeed my first plan. But after a few miles I realised I couldn’t possibly let you fend for yourself. I had a feeling you wouldn’t go with Dustin and Monica, and I decided to come back and stay with you, to see you safely to Caem, and… provide some friendly company along the road, should you wish to get that.”

She didn’t know what made her act. Maybe it was alcohol, maybe it was his behaviour of the last days. She spoke without even thinking.

“Oh right, thank you so much for playing the knight in shining armor with me! But please, tell me, did you decide that you would keep me safe after you started ignoring me for no apparent reason? I’m so fed up with your behaviour Ignis. First you’re friendly, then you ignore me completely without giving me a reason, and now this, you think I need protection? And why, of all people, would I accept help from someone who’s been acting like I didn’t exist for the past two weeks?”

Ignis certainly hadn’t expected her to react like that. He was staring at her, at a loss for words. He looked like he was going to lose the precious control he had over every aspect of his life. At that moment, this part of his personality infuriated Lyne even more. Not even waiting for his answer, she turned toward the open street, and started to run. She turned just once, to shout over her shoulder:

“You know what Iggy? Fuck off!”

She didn’t even think where she was going. A flash of lightning, and she was gone.

Ignis was left standing in the middle of the small street where he had just encountered Lyne. He couldn't move, couldn't think. His mind was blank. If his situation hadn’t been so depressing, he might have burst out laughing, something he very seldom did. As if it wasn't enough, rain started pouring down on him just seconds after the young woman had disappeared, the weather repeating her last words in its own way.

He stayed there for an eternity, attempting to fathom what had just happened, deciding on the proper reaction to have. He had just abandoned his companions to be with the woman he liked, just for her to tell him to fuck off before seemingly jumping into another world. What was he to make of this?

At last, when he was sure she was not going to come back, Ignis made himself move his drenched limbs to the bar Lyne had just left, and for the first time in his life, got himself drunk.

Lyne didn't realise what she had just done until after a few minutes of looking around her, not knowing where she was. The astral plane. She had physically travelled to the astral plane, without even meaning to in the first place. Through her rage, she couldn't help feeling proud of herself. And now that she thought of it, this was the perfect place for her to be right now. Nobody could reach her there. She was perfectly alone. Alone to think, alone to calm down. She had intended to come here to get to Caem anyway, but she'd thought she was going to wander in Eos for a few days before asking her father for help. Well, now that she was there, she might as well get to Caem. At least if she travelled there right now she wouldn't have to see Ignis for a few more days. His beautiful eyes, his kindness, his chivalrous ways, his new habit of ignoring her. The hurt look on his face when she'd told him to fuck off. She didn't want to think about the consequences her reaction would have. As her anger subsided though, she was already regretting her harsh words. He'd turned back to be with her, he'd wanted to be at her side through the trip to Caem, and she'd turned her back on him without even letting him explain. As always, she’d let her anger speak, instead of stopping to think. She would have to make it up to him, say she was sorry. And now that she had calmed down, she felt the need to come back to Lestallum at once, and hold Ignis in her arms.

Having acted out of anger, she had no idea how that place worked. Did she have to think of the place she wanted to travel to to get there? Or did she have to actually move forward, find some kind of portal?

“Okay, let’s find a way out…”

Ignis woke up in his hotel room without having any memory of getting back there the night before. He cracked his eyes open, and realised at once it was a mistake. His head hurt like mad, and the sunlight pouring in through the window wasn’t helping. He was still wearing his shirt and suit jacket, but when he glanced under the covers, he saw that he naked underneath. That’s when he noticed that there was a naked woman snoring softly next to him. He’d already felt like he was going to throw up, but that did the trick. Getting up as swiftly as possible without losing what was left of his balance, he staggered to the bathroom just in time.

Through his clouded mind, Ignis tried to find his senses. If he guessed correctly, he had just gotten drunk and had sex with a person he didn’t know, just to cope with his misery after Lyne’s rejection.

So much for keeping in control and having an adult reaction…

When he walked back to the bedroom after having taken a sobering cold shower, the young woman was awake. She had turned the TV on, and was watching the news.

“Hum…Good morning miss?”

“Hey handsome.” the woman replied, not even looking at him.

“Just to get things clear, did we…”

“Hmm? Oh, no, you passed out before undressing properly, so I figured I might as well sleep here.”

“Thank the Six…”

Relief spread through Ignis like a healing balm. Even though he was far from being proud of himself, the damage wasn’t as bad as he’d initially thought.

“Please excuse me, miss, for anything inappropriate I may have done or said the previous night. I was not myself. I must be on my way to find a...friend. I’ll leave money to pay for the room, and you can order breakfast too. I wish you a pleasant day.”

It was all Ignis could do not to run out of the hotel room.

It felt like hours and Lyne was still stuck in the astral plane. How was she ever going to find her way to either Caem or Lestallum? Every attempt at getting out of here had been met with nothing but failure. She was stuck in this world, when all she wanted was to go to Ignis and apologise. For the hundredth time she cursed herself for her stupidity, and tried to calm down and focus.

“Well well, beloved daughter, what are you doing here on your own and why didn’t you call out to me?”

Lyne turned toward her father, who was once more towering over her. It felt so much different from the time she’d seen him in her dream. She tried not to back away, keeping in mind that this was her father, although seeing him like that was still quite impressive. She felt incredibly glad to see him, and at the same time it was as if she’d been caught red-handed, not knowing what she’d did wrong.

“Glad to see you too?”

Under her father’s stern gaze, she knew she shouldn’t be here. He sighed, and in a loud pop took her to her childhood bedroom once again, but without transforming into her grandfather this time. He looked strangely out of place in such a casual place.

“Lyne, it is not safe for you to come here without me, or without knowing how to travel safely. You are lucky I was the one to find you. Please keep in mind that the other Astrals live here, and any one of them could have stumbled upon you. Do you understand the risk you would have been in then?”

She hadn’t thought of that. Realisation hit her, and she felt quite vulnerable all of a sudden.

“Yes, I see it now. I’m sorry Dad, I hadn’t thought of that. But to be honest, I travelled here without even meaning to. I was angry, I wished to be away, there was this flash of lightning, and… Tadaa, here I am.”

“I see. Humans tend to be led by their emotions, so being half a human yourself, it is quite normal. Even though it is not safe for you to come here without me, I am going to teach you how to get out of the astral plane without my help, so that if you happen to travel here by mistake, you will not get stuck. Although you might as well have called me, as I’m sure you know.” He winked at her.

“I wanted to try and figure this out myself.” She replied with a sheepish smile.

After having spent hours looking for Lyne to no avail, Ignis had left Lestallum, hitchhiking his way to Caem. It took him longer than he’d thought to get there, but he didn’t mind the time alone from his friends. He dreaded the moment he would have to face Gladio, have to deal with the smirk on the big guy’s face, telling him “I’d told you she would know who was best for her”. He would just have to keep a stiff upper lip, and focus on his duty as Noct’s royal advisor. Most of all, he dreaded to be reunited with Lyne once more. She was going to be mad at him still, and she would probably read in his eyes the guilt of what he’d almost done after getting drunk… But at the same time, he had no idea what had happened to her after she’d left him. Had she made it safely to Caem? Had she gotten lost in whatever world she’d travelled to? And how was he going to forgive himself if harm had come to her?

#ffxv #final fantasy xv #ffxv fanfiction #fan fiction #oc #oc x gladio #oc x ignis #gladiolus amicitia #gladio #ignis scientia #ignis #prompto argentum #prompto #noctis lucis caelum #noctis