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tabloidtoc · 4 years

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OK, June 1

Cover: Jennifer Aniston Finally Talks -- her fresh start at 51

Page 1: Big Pic -- Shia LaBeouf took a spin around his Pasadena neighborhood with his adorable pooch in tow

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Royal Shake-Up -- a shocking report leads to whispers that Queen Elizabeth may soon be stepping away from her duties for good -- thankfully the Queen has Prince William and Duchess Kate Middleton to lean on and they call her every day and are always offering to step in and take any stressful duties off her hands and the queen doesn’t know what she’d do without them

Page 6: From the outside Reese Witherspoon seems to have a picture-perfect life but the multifaceted star admits her days are a balancing act and anything but easy

Page 7: It seems as if Kristin Cavallari has been on a smear campaign against estranged husband Jay Cutler as their messy divorce plays out -- she’s consumed by rage and resentment toward him mainly out of fear that he’ll come across as looking like the good guy while she’s painted as power- and money-hungry, after years of estrangement the coronavirus pandemic has pushed Bella Cruise to reach out to mom Nicole Kidman -- Nicole knows Bella will never leave Scientology and she’d never ask her to and they’ve been making up for lost time and speak most days and Bella’s agreed to travel to Tennessee and stay at Nicole’s sprawling country estate once it’s safe to travel, Scott Disick is turning to Kris Jenner as he figures out his next move after he fled rehab after the news leaked -- Scott feels more vulnerable than ever and he’s at a crucial stage in his life and he respects Kris enormously not only as a business partner but as a makeshift therapist and mother figure

Page 8: Jamie Lynn Spears is begging older sis Britney Spears to move back to Louisiana and Jamie Lynn would love for her daughters to spend more time with their aunt and wants them together as one big happy family in Kentwood where it all began, Chris Pratt and pregnant Katherine Schwarzenegger are feeling a bit overwhelmed by her parents as they await their baby’s arrival -- Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger are excited at their first grandchild but they’ve become very pushy -- Maria’s insisting on planning a huge baby shower and decorating the nursery and Arnold is trying to install a new sound system so they can play lullabies in every corner of the house and it’s enough to make Chris and Katherine wince, Tom Cruise is making it his mission to reclaim his title as the King of Hollywood -- he’s bided his time for years now because he wanted to take the pressure of himself until he found just the right moment to go for it and now he’s ready to catapult himself onto the scene with Mission: Impossible 7 and 8 and the sequel to Top Gun and he’s working with NASA and Elon Musk’s SpaceX to shoot the first ever movie in outer space

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- peach gowns -- Zoe Kravitz, Karolina Kurkova, Adrienne Houghton

Page 11: Betty Gilpin, Lizzy Caplan, Joey King

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Becca Tilley vs. Brooke Burke (it’s a tie), Cheryl Burke vs. Jennifer Lahmers

Page 14: News in Photos -- Hailey Bieber in the sauna

Page 15: Michael C. Hall in glitter face paint, Kate Upton works out with daughter Genevieve, Olivia Munn with two pups, Christie Brinkley in the fickle weather in the Hamptons

Page 16: Hilary Duff on Mother’s Day, Anna Kendrick all dressed up for a virtual press conference, Kevin Hart and wife Eniko revealed they are having a daughter in a pic with kids Kenzo and Heaven and Hendrix, Naomi Watts on TikTok with Liev Schreiber and their kids Sasha and Kai

Page 17: Mindy Kaling doing laundry, Cardi B shows off her Mother’s Day gifts from husband Offset

Page 18: Reese Witherspoon with son Tennessee climbing a tree, Nicole Kidman studying Italian while stuck at home, Gabrielle Union and daughter Kaavia

Page 19: Jason Momoa encouraged fans to support local small businesses as he picked up dinner from the Old Place in Cornell, Paris Jackson inked a tattoo on her own pinky toe, Suki Waterhouse showed off her perfectly coiffed locks

Page 20: Tobey Maguire and girlfriend Tatiana Dieteman take a stroll, Ariel Winter was spotted with a cast on her thumb after slicing the tip off in a cooking accident, Emilia Clarke and dog Ted

Page 21: Ryan Phillippe on a run, Katy Perry and her dog Nugget dress up as Dumbo

Page 22: Brody Jenner on a bike ride, Tallulah Willis and mom Demi Moore on Mother’s Day, Julianne Hough as Mary Poppins

Page 23: Taylor Swift drinking white wine while isolating at home, Ali Larter on a run

Page 24: Inside My Home -- the Hadid’s flourishing farm -- where Yolanda Hadid is isolating with kids Bella Hadid, pregnant Gigi Hadid and Anwar Hadid in Hope, Pennsylvania

Page 26: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West marriage in crisis -- after months in quarantine Kim and Kanye are on the verge of a lockdown throwdown because when it comes to their four kids North and Saint and Chicago and Psalm most of the parenting and homeschooling has fallen on Kim’s shoulders while Kanye has been spending a ton of time at his office rather than at home

Page 27: Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied are planning to renew their vows this winter when December will mark a decade since their engagement, when Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson called it quits after two years of dating it seemed drama-free but now members of their social circle are being dragged into the pair’s personal problems -- now that they’re not together they’re drawing clear boundaries and demanding their friends like Kaia Gerber and Margaret Qualley take sides using the line it’s her or me, Courteney Cox has been quarantining in L.A. while boyfriend Johnny McDaid has been in England and once they’re able to reunite Courteney is adamant that they tie the knot right away because this has been a lesson learned and she’s kicking herself for not marrying Johnny sooner

Page 28: Joshua Jackson and wife Jodie Turner-Smith are walking on air as they settle into their new roles as parents to a baby girl, just eight months into their romance Jonathan Scott believes he’s found the one in Zooey Deschanel but his friends are urging him to pump the brakes because Zooey is twice-divorced and basically walked out of her second marriage and right into Jonathan’s life plus she also has two children so Jonathan would be taking on an awful lot so soon, Love Bites -- Ben Platt and Noah Galvin new couple, America Ferrera and Ryan Piers Williams welcomed a daughter, Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy split

Page 29: On Justin and Hailey Bieber’s Facebook Watch show he stated that he and wife Hailey are in the best place they’ve ever been but he’s the first to admit that becoming a husband forced him to take a hard look at himself, Ben Affleck is sparing no expense when it comes to showering girlfriend Ana de Armas with affection

Page 30: Cover Story -- Jennifer Aniston comes clean -- from the state of her dating life to the truth about her famous exes Jen plans to answer everything in a new tell-all interview

Page 33: How Jennifer Aniston is helping Matthew Perry get through his recent troubles

Page 34: Baby Bump Brigade -- Ashlee Simpson, Katy Perry

Page 35: Gigi Hadid, Katherine Schwarzenegger, Lea Michele

Page 36: How Julia Roberts saved her marriage -- inside her decision to step away from the spotlight and fix her relationship with Danny Moder

Page 38: Beverly Hills 90210 secrets and scandals

Page 40: Candace Cameron Bure Family Matters -- the actress gets candid about her kids, her marriage and her decades long career

Page 46: Style Week -- Bebe Rexha latest collaboration with the popular drugstore nail polish line Sinful Colors

Page 48: Style -- beaded bags -- Bailee Madison

Page 50: Espadrilles -- Selena Gomez

Page 54: Entertainment

Page 58: Stars are getting creative with their hair while stuck at home -- Julianne Hough, Pink, Kristen Stewart

Page 59: Blake Shelton, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Tallulah Willis, Lauren Burnham and Arie Luyendyk, Armie Hammer, Dua Lipa

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Miley Cyrus on interviewing Elizabeth Warren, Ashton Kutcher on Mila Kunis, Laura Dern on trying new things, Anna Kendrick on switching up her exercise routine, John Mellencamp texting daughter Teddi Mellencamp while watching her on RHOBH

Page 61: Hollywood Heat Meter -- Hilary Duff is set to reprise her Younger character in a spinoff, Lily Allen and David Harbour engaged, Alison Roman apologized to Chrissy Teigen, Hannah Brown should have listened to her gut about Jed Wyatt, Vera Wang shows off her killer abs, the bombshells Vanderpump Rules editor Bri Dellinger just unleashed about the reality show

Page 62: Horoscope -- Gemini Lenny Kravitz

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Trevor Noah

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tenacityblitz · 4 years

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all the numbers u haven't done

roleplaying habits questions.

1. what’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

Offhand I can’t really think of anything?? English is my first language so I don’t knowingly break any grammar rules anyway. Unless possible excessive use of commas counts bc I use commas a lot.

2. are there any languages besides english in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Unless Gibberish counts bc I learned that stupid crack language back when I was a kid but good lord I would not have the patience to actually type out a reply like that.

3. how often do you reach for a synonym dictionary when writing? how about mentally?

Sometimes but not too frequently. Depends on how flowery I’m trying to write something or if I’m thinking of a word but I don’t like the first descriptive word that came to mind for what I’m trying to express.

4. how often do you need to translate your own or the other’s writing with a dictionary or google when writing and reading replies?

Never tbh. Especially since I don’t RP in any other languages, all my RP partners have a good enough grasp on English that I can always tell what they were at least trying to say in their reply.

5. do you listen to music while your write?

I used to need music playing in the background to help me focus on doing drafts, but nowadays I need more silence than anything to help focus and produce what I think is a quality response to a longer thread. Short one or two liner things idc what’s in the background.

6. do you have ideal writing circumstances when you can do a lot of drafts or tackle really long ones very easily?

I can fluctuate with when I best write. Typically I write better at night when the house is quiet and any noise happening in the house is a noise I make, but I’ve had writing inspiration hit me at any time of the day before.

7. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Bold of you to assume I’m awake during morning hours that don’t include 5 AM bc I’m still awake haha. When I’m not swamped with commissions to do I typically write better during the day or at night when I’m the only person awake in the house and I don’t have any outside distractions from a person IRL.

8. how does tiredness affect your writing?

Not overly so sometimes, I know there’ve been times in the past where I powered through replies even though I wanted to go to bed just because I was riding the motivation train and I didn’t want to lose it and not get to those last replies for who knows how long. But on Discord at least I often have reply to Discord threads be one of the last things I do before I go to sleep so I go to bed knowing I don’t owe anyone a reply on there.

9. have you ever written a serious reply intoxicated?

Not a serious reply anyway. I’ve been on the dashboard before while intoxicated (ColossalCon East was a prime example haha) but I’ve never really RP’d while that intoxicated

10. how much do you proof-read as you are writing vs. proof-read at the end?

I’ll proof read as I go but also give it one last read before I actually hit publish.

11. when you are writing a reply, how much ahead in the thread do you plan?

Entirely depends on the thread. I could write it on the fly or I could have days to think about it from external factors keeping me from getting to the reply as soon as it comes back to me.

12. is there ever been a time when you’ve had to drop a roleplaying partner because you’ve found their writing style exhausting?

Yes actually, gather round for RP horror storytime haha. Flash back to 2013 while I was still in the Black Butler fandom. I stupidly decided to give writing Sebastian a try at the request of a Ciel I’d made friends with (probably through my old Alois or Lizzie blog). She was a nice enough girl, close enough to my age so she seemed plenty mature, and had been what I thought was a good enough writer to warrant trying my hand at a muse I wouldn’t have otherwise thought to try. Legit within days of me making the Sebastian blog she was getting super clingy in her IC posts making Ciel a whiny baby missing Sebastian, would try and guilt me in IC posts to get on and write with her, and I dealt with it for about two weeks before I deleted Sebastian’s blog without warning and deleted the girl off Skype. To this day it’s the only blog I think I’ve ever consciously deleted.

13. does writing roleplay things in public spaces make you uncomfortable?

Not really? I wouldn’t be crazy about a stranger reading over my shoulder while I was writing bc that’s just weird, but I’ve gone to Starbucks or one of the local malls before on my off days (back when I was still at my last job) and I’d do RP stuff there just to get out of the house.

14. how often do you need to change the icon in your reply while or after writing the reply?

Typically I don’t put in icons until I’m done writing the reply unless I go into the reply knowing exactly which one I want to use, or think of a good one while I’m writing it out.

15. do you first get in the “zone” when writing, or do you start writing and “enter” it that way?

Nowadays I just start writing and then get into the zone after I get the first reply done. Discord replies I can chug out any time of day without difficulty, but for whatever reason Tumblr I have to be in the right mindset for.

16. what is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Back when I was at my last job, it would be getting a lot of writing muse while I was busy at work and unable to get on my own laptop or sneak onto Tumblr on an office computer and at least type out the bulk of a reply (yes I was employee of the month many times haha), and by the time I was able to get to my own computer or be safe enough to get on a work computer, that writing muse would be gone.

17. what’s your inbox count currently? what did you do to get it so high/low?

Right now I have 15 IC asks. I won’t lie, two of them are from last years Valentine’s Day bc I was away at Katsucon at the time of receiving them and by the time I got home I still just never got around to answering the asks, but I didn’t want to delete them either so I just kept them for posterity. Some are from this past Christmas that I was terrible and haven’t answered yet bc I’ve been so swamped with commissions, some are from other random meme’s I’ve reblogged and gotten an ask or two for and also just never got around to. I’m horrible at replying to asks most of the time and I know it but I always appreciate whenever people take the time to send me an IC one.

18. how many drafts is a paralysing amount?

I’d guess I’d say over 15 like para thread replies would make me be like -insert meme song- ‘how could this happen to meeeee’. I’m not quite at that point yet but I’ll get there eventually if I’m not careful lol.

19. if you are writing a wrong reply that’s not working out, do you save what you have to be continued at another date, or do you scrap it and rewrite?

Usually I would just draft what I have and go back to it. I can’t remember the last time I scrapepd an unfinished draft and completely rewrote it.

20. longest reply you’ve ever writen on mobile?

N/A because I don’t do replies on mobile. I’ll send asks on mobile but I never reply to actual IC things while on my phone unless it’s something stupid and cracky or one-liner-ish.

21. does the total amount of threads you have going on matter to you, or just how many you owe?

Doesn’t really matter. I can have one thread with one person, I could have five threads with one person. @shinvcho is an example of the latter lol

22. what’s your thought process when you format? any unspoken rules you follow?

I’ve kept to the same formatting for years and years tbh. I’m too lazy to do excessive formatting beyond italicizing and/or bolding specific words for emphasis and spacing out the start of a new paragraph. Anything more than that to me is just tedious and unnecessary; I don’t want to make it difficult for my partners to read.

23. how does your follower count affect your mood?

Anyone who says they don’t appreciate or enjoy even a small spike in followers is a liar, because we live in an age where validation is held in high regard and it feels good to get the validation of seeing more people enjoy what we do on our blogs enough to put us on their dashboards. But it also doesn’t really matter to me when I lose followers because I have a mutual checker so I can unfollow a mutual back if they did so first so I don’t feel uncomfy still following someone who no longer wanted me on their dash lol.

#ooc #THIS IS WHY I QUESTIONED HOW MUCH U ACTUALLY LOVE ME I HAD TO DO BASICALLY ALL OF THEM LOL #creturae

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the-fushiguros · 6 years

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Rules: Repost and answer the 20 questions and tag 20 people you want to know better

NICKNAMES: Rook is my main one right now. So much so that a lot of people think it’s my real name. And I don’t mind. I like it a lot.

HEIGHT: 5ft 2, but I can get up to 5ft 5 if I fluff up my hair.

ORIENTATION: Bisexual.

FAVOURITE FRUIT: Strawberries. Especially with cream.

FAVOURITE SEASON: Winter. I love the look and feel of snow. I like when it’s cold. I like all the holidays that happen around that time. And I love how everyone just seems to cuddle up more. It’s cosy.

FAVOURITE FLOWERS: Definitely the white lily. I have a tattoo on my upper left arm that’s a band of a bouquet of flowers. Lillies (my favourite flower) and irises (my mom’s favourite)

FAVOURITE SCENT: Vanilla. I have so many vanilla candles in my house it’s ridiculous. I also love the smell of baking cookies and fresh made coffee.

FAVOURITE COLOUR: Red.

FAVOURITE ANIMALS: Domestic? Dogs. Wild? Big cats. Especially snow leopards. When I worked at the zoo I was in charge of the snow leopards for a while. Feeding them, giving tours about them, that sort of thing. So I have a soft spot.

COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Uh......cider? But out of these three than probably hot chocolate. Coffee and tea for me are more tools to stay awake but hot chocolate is about the taste. If that makes sense?

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: According to my Fitbit (which I wear obsessively), my average this week is 6 hours. I never really realised how terrible my sleep patterns were until I got this watch, either. Apparently I used to get only about 3-4 hours a night. And I wondered why getting up and getting to class was always so hard!

FAVOURITE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS: Oh boy. Elizabeth Bennet is definitely up there. Steve Rogers. Tony Stark. Robb Stark. Jacob Frye. A lot of the usual tumblr favourites, I guess. But Lizzie Bennet is definitely number one.

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH: Two. Used to be three before my dog commandeered one.

DREAM TRIP: I’m basically going on my dream trip next year. Starting in Edinburgh, going down through London. Over to Paris. Bordeaux. Venice. Florence. Rome.

BLOG CREATED: I don’t even know. It’s been a long time. I think it was sophomore year of high school....so...2012? It’s been through a lot of changes since then.

# OF FOLLOWERS: 2544

RANDOM FACT: I play a lot of instruments? Piano is definitely my best. But I can also play flute, piccolo, drums, mallet percussion (marimba), and guitar.

Thank you so much for the shout out @blakesgriffins !

I’ll come back and tag people when I’m not on mobile!!

#rook speaks

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the-most-beautiful-broom · 6 years

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100 questions

it’s long so it’s under the cut, but man was this fun. thanks for the tag @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold ♥ i’ll tag my loves (if you want to haha this is a lot) @dylanobrienisbatman @blueshirtbell @granger--danger @nightbleeder

1. What is your nickname? lol I have so many. Linds is the most common on here though.

2. How old are you? 23

3. What is your birth month? october

4. What is your zodiac sign? libra, but it’s only like 60% accurate imo (I’m not fragile, or a flirt? ya girl can be charismatic, but I don’t think that’s the same?)

5. What is your favorite color? green

6. What’s your lucky number? when I was in high school/sports, I picked 13 for my number because everyone was like oooo it’s unlucky and I was like cool, guess I’ll win while wearing an unlucky number then (and that’s today’s slytherin mood)

7. Do you have any pets? not in the city with me :(

8. Where are you from? california

9. How tall are you? 5’ 9"

10. What shoe size are you? 10

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? more than I should, probs

12. Are you random? oh goodness no. I believe in patterns and I’m pretty dang predictable.

13. Last person you texted? my sister

14. Are you psychic in any way? lol no

15. Last TV show watched? queer eye again

16. Favorite movie? IMPOSSIBLE <--stealing Kath’s answer on this one

17. Favorite show from your childhood? sooooo we didn’t have a tv haha my mom really really wanted her daughters to be well read

18. Do you want children? I want to foster!

19. Do you want a church wedding? I’m not sure? i’d want everyone to be comfortable and they might not be in a church…I do know that I want a brunch wedding though, bc dancing isn’t my thing and breakfast food is

20. What is your religion? I’m Christian! Seventh-day Adventist is the specific denomination, but nobody ever really knows what to do with that haha

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? not for me/like I’m sick, but for other people, yeah, too much

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Lol not at all. I’ve gotten pulled over four times, but never ticketed though.

23. How is life? better than I deserve

24. Baths or showers? showers

25. What color socks are you wearing? i’m wearing heels for work, so no socks

26. Have you ever been famous? goodness no, whatever for?

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I think I would, to get to have that platform to make a change and give other people a voice would be awesome

28. What type of music do you like? something with words that mean something, or a melody that surprises you. I’m so weak for key changes though…I’ve always said that my perfect music is driving music: I can belt it alone on a highway at 3am, or laugh over it with friends in the afternoon.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? two

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my right side, with my hands under my pillow

32. How big is your house? it’s a nyc apartment, fam, it’s the size of a broom closet. it’s cozy though, and I love it

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I’m so bad at eating breakfast…if I do get something, it’s at the bagel place across the street from my office

34. Have you ever left the country? ages ago

35. Have you ever tried archery? on retreats/for school; I wanted to be like robin hood

36. Do you like anyone? I might have a bit of a crush at the moment and it is stressing me out

37. Favorite swear word? so I literally never swear irl, and the first time I swore online was when I was writing my stranger things fic—it’s literally impossible to write dustin and steve and have them not cuss?? ummm I don’t know, they all have their purposes, but I think fuck is just next level emphatic. it’s crazy that it’s just a word, but it conveys so much when you use it

38. When do you fall asleep? if/when I establish a normal sleeping schedule, I’ll let you know

39. Do you have any scars? in the middle of one of my eyebrows, from when I cracked my head open as a kid, which is why I always fill my eyebrows in. also acne scars, which I’m working on not caring about.

40. Sexual orientation? straight

41. Are you a good liar? yes

42. What languages would you like to learn? Literally all of them, so many. I’d love to learn Tagalog so I could have that connection with my mom’s side of the family, and then Spanish is just so beautiful and I really should’ve kept up with it after high school. French and German and Italian would be nice too, and then maybe an ancient language or three?

43. Top 10 songs? REFUSING TO ANSWER THIS <--again, stealing kath’s answer. y’all know how much music I listen to and cry over, so you know I can’t do this

44. Do you like your country? yes but not my leadership. I love the people of this country and I hate that the voices of the few are the ones that are loudest and that are yelling and that are deciding. the people of my country aren’t being represented or heard or protected and it breaks my heart.

45. Do you have friends from the web? I do! from this blog and I ran a fashion blog for a while, so from insta too

46. What is your personality type? MBTI: estj, enneagram: 2w3.

47. Hogwarts House? slytherin (as if anyone couldn’t tell)

48. Can you curl your tongue? no

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? emma woodhouse (I wish I could say lizzie bennet, but it’s got to be emma)

50. Left or right handed? right

51. Are you scared of spiders? not really? my sister is, so I always had to kill them

52. Favorite food? bread

53. Favorite foreign food? mexican (one of the perks of growing up near the border)

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m an orderly person…but sometimes that manifests itself in organized chaos BUT I KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS OKAY

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? call out my coworkers and not be written off as emotional/sensitive

56. What color underwear? black

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? most days like 20 minutes? from horizontal in bed to out the door...but if i have to do my hair, tap another 3 hours on that, because it has to air dry

58. Do you have much of an ego? so this is complicated because i have high confidence in my capabilities and performance, but struggle with my worth and importance independent of those

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I don’t really care for lollipops, they just make me want to brush my teeth

60. Do you talk to yourself? yep

61. Do you sing to yourself? also yep

62. Are you a good singer? oh it’s so relative, fam. I can harmonize pretty well, so I’m a good backup singer

63. Biggest Fears? insignificance

64. Are you a gossip? not really. I hate complaining, and I really hate when other people complain; i’m just like okay so what did you do about it?

65. Are you a grammar nazi? if someone knows better, in a context when they should know better, then yes. so like, in a paper, for a presentation, yeah. people ask for help bc I’m good at what I do. but also it’s such a construct that we judge people off of, so I work on not doing that outside of a professional/scholarly context? also I’m a big believer in knowing the rules and breaking them to make a point (see: all my lower case answers, run on sentences, etc.)

66. Do you have long or short hair? I pixie-d my hair back in august and regret it constantly lol. it had to be done though

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i mean, probably? I’ve been to most of them

68. Favorite school subject? always english

69. Extrovert or Introvert? literally the most extroverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope

71. What makes you nervous? when I see kids wandering and their parents not noticing

72. Are you scared of the dark? no

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? if we’re alone and I can help them, sure. I despise when people publicly reprimand someone for an unintentional error; it’s just so inconsiderate

74. Are you ticklish? I find people’s obsession with tickling so weird lol

75. Have you ever started a rumor? no

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? …did we not already do this one?

77. Have you ever drank underage? lol fam I don’t drink at all

78. Have you ever done drugs? no

79. What do you fantasize about? paying off all my student debt, having an apartment in all my favorite cities, being able to travel. being an English professor. sometimes growing old with someone; most of the times being a mentor to younger women/getting to be someone i didn’t have

80. How many piercings do you have? none

81. Can you roll your R’s? yeah

82. How fast can you type? not very, which is funny because I work in IT, but I don’t type with my pinkies so that’s a mess

83. How fast can you run? lol I don’t run

84. What color is your hair? brown

85. What color are your eyes? hazel (green + brown)

86. What are you allergic to? mold and one very specific type of grass

87. Do you keep a journal? no

88. Are you depressed about anything? I disagree with how this question is worded but okay. ummm the fact that all my money goes to student loans and rent? misogyny in the workplace? hypocrisy in my government? the lack of love and empathy expressed by people who profess to be believers in love and empathy? that’s a good start

89. Do you like your age? it’s where I’m at, either way

90. What makes you angry? willful ignorance

91. Do you like your own name? I do

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? no

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? not to be a cliché, but all children are gifts? Like I don’t want to physically bear children, but if they’re there, they deserve love (hence the foster thing-- there are SO many kids in a broken system that need security and someone to care for them, and nobody helps them and that just shouldn’t be)

94. What talents do you have? public speaking and writing. I have a passion for making people feel welcomed and known and loved, so I hope that too

95. Sun or moon? sunshine; I’ll always be a SoCal girl at heart

96. How did you get your name? my parent’s loved the meaning

97. Are you religious? I am, yeah. it’s been a journey—other people believing blindy makes me so mad, as well as people who never question their faith or grow in it, or act in a way that shows they don’t actually believe what they say they do—but yeah, my faith is hugely important to me.

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? I have not, although the farther away I get from some things, the more I think I ought to

99. Color of your bedspread? white with gray tassels

100. Color of your room? white walls and an exposed brick wall

#cest moi #whew those got real haha #anyways here's everything you never wanted to know about me

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redgillan · 7 years

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Breaking the Rules - part 2

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Modern!AU You hate James Barnes with a burning passion and the feeling is entirely mutual. Just when you think things can’t get any worse, you are tricked into attending his sister’s wedding as his girlfriend. Stuck with a bunch of strangers, you come up with a set of rules that are not going to last long.

Word Count:2,205

Warnings: The usual + Angst

A/N: I’m spamming you guys with fics lol sorry. Also please, don’t let this series flop, I beg you! Alright, I’ll stop whining now. Enjoy :)

Breaking the Rules - Masterpage

You woke up from your nap and stretched your arms over your head since there was no one sitting next to you. The book Bucky asked ordered you to read was on the empty seat next to yours. With a heavy sigh, you picked it up, threw it in your travel bag and left.

Bucky was waiting for you on the platform, his foot tapping impatiently. The next couple of days were going to be the longest of your life.

“Okay, so our weekend starts now,” you said, shoving your bag into his arms. “Rule #4 you have to carry my bag,” you reminded him.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m already carrying three bags. I am not a donkey!”

You took a step back and looked him up and down. Blowing out a frustrated breath, he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He was carrying his suit on a hanger covered with plastic, a clip-on backpack and a messenger bag. The muscles in his jaw clenched when you shrugged.

“Not my problem,” you replied.

With a loud grunt, he slung the strap of your bag over his shoulder. If looks could kill, you’d be dead by now. You tried not to show your amusement, but it was difficult to keep a straight face.

You fell into steps beside Bucky as you exited the station. His parents stood out among the small crowd, not only because of their size but because they were freakishly good-looking. His mother was waving her hand vigorously, a giant smile splitting her face.

“What’s your mom’s name?” you panicked.

Bucky’s head snapped toward you. “You didn’t read the book?”

“I fell asleep after the first paragraph. You have a very boring life.”

“For fuck’s sake! I have to obey your every whim, but you can’t read a few pages?”

“A few? It was over 200 pages, Barnes!” you whispered loudly as Bucky’s parents walked toward you.

“Stop calling me Barnes,” he hissed with a fake smile.

Mrs Barnes caught her son close in a bone-crushing hug, making him drop the bags. She pulled back to look at him, then hugged him again. Bucky hugged her back for a moment before he tried to wiggle away.

“Okay, let him breathe, Winnie,” his father laughed.

“I haven’t seen him in years.” She reluctantly let him go and gave him a disapproving look. “Why are you so skinny?”

“Ma’,” he whined, embarrassed.

Bucky was a lot of things, but skinny wasn’t one of them. His broad shoulders stretched the fabric of his jacket and his long muscular legs were encased in blue denim jeans, which he filled out quite nicely.

You blinked yourself back to reality, your face flaming hot. Realizing you must have spaced out, you cleared your throat.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Barnes,” you said with a polite smile.

“Oh, please, call me Winnie. Mrs Barnes was his mother,” she said, gesturing to her husband.

His father introduced himself as George and held out his hand to shake yours. You stuttered slightly as you told him your name. Bucky was a carbon copy of his father, the only difference being that his father had more grey hair and wrinkles.

“We’re really happy to have you here,” he said, smiling brightly. “But we should get going or we might get caught in traffic.”

George gathered the bags and placed them in the trunk while you all took a seat. Bucky opened the door for you –rule #5- and sat next to you. You resisted the urge to squirm and turned your head to glance out the window.

The light of day was slowly fading into night and you focused your attention on the scarlet streaks flooding the darkening sky. It was so peaceful and quiet until Winnie spoke.

“Normally I wouldn’t allow you to sleep in the same bed, you’re not married after all, but since Nana is staying with us, we don’t have a spare room.” She looked over her shoulder to the back seat. “So behave.”

“Yikes! Don’t worry,” you replied and continued to stare out the window at the passing scenery.

She gave a satisfied nod and turned the radio on. You let go of the tension in your shoulders, lost in the comfort of the singer’s voice. You pulled out your phone and opened your text app. There was a message from an unidentified number.

‘Yikes, don’t worry’ ??? You sound so in love *eye-roll emoji*

You lifted your head to look at Bucky who was typing away on his phone. He pretended not to see you.

How did you get my number? you texted back.

Natasha.

You groaned out loud. Nat was a pain in the ass and you didn’t need her constant meddling. George peeked in the rear view mirror to make sure you were alright.

“Everything’s okay?”

“Oh, uh, yes.” You felt your face grow hot. “I just received a text from a weird man who keeps trying to befriend me.”

A soon as the words left your lips, your phone buzzed in your hands. “Fartface,” was Bucky’s mature response. You saved his number under the name ‘Buttface’ and grinned to yourself as you pocketed your phone.

Soon after, George parked the car in the driveway that led to a beautiful two-story stucco house. There was a two car garage on the side of the house and the wraparound porch was crowded with fancy furniture, including a swing covered with pillows. It wasn’t a large house, but it looked like a nice place for kids to grow up.

As soon as Winnie climbed out of the car, a girl ran toward her. She was tall, slender and had long brown hair with golden highlights.

“Becca just called,” the girl said, a little breathless. “There’s a problem with the car, but they’ll be here tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’m gonna try and call her. Your brother’s here.”

Brushing a hand across her daughter’s shoulder as she passed her, Winnie climbed the steps to the porch and disappeared through the front door. George followed her into the house, carrying most of the luggage.

You felt a pang of remorse; your rules only applied to his stupid son. Before you could take a step toward him, Bucky’s sister appeared before you.

“You must be Bucky’s girl. I’m Elizabeth, but everyone calls me Lizzie.” She smiled as she took your hand and shook it hard. “I’m so happy to finally meet you.”

You tried to smile, but her enthusiasm was a little too much to handle. It was late and you just wanted to eat and go to bed. Bucky caught his sister when she launched herself at him. He hugged her tight, closing his eyes for a moment. Lizzie pushed him away when he blew a raspberry on her cheek.

“We’re having a barbecue at Steve’s house. There’s plenty of food and stuff. You can freshen up and then we’ll eat!”

Bucky showed you around the house while his parents and sisters went to the neighbour’s house.

The kitchen had two accesses, one from the living room and another from the laundry room. The guest bedroom was at the end of the hall between the master bedroom and a two-piece bathroom.

The living room was connected to a stairwell that went up to the second floor. At one end of the hall were Bucky’s bedroom and a bathroom and at the other end were three bedrooms.

“How many sisters do you have?” you asked, once you were in his bedroom.

“Now you wish you had read the book, uh?”

“Kind of,” you admitted.

You looked around you, glancing at the simple bed against the far wall. You had expected to see a large bed and posters of bikini-clad girls on the walls, but there was none of that. It was like being inside a time capsule. Back to the 00s.

Bucky sat down in the old swivel chair behind his desk and clapped his hands once, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Okay, let’s recap. I’m the oldest, then it’s Rebecca. You saw Lizzie downstairs, she graduated from Brooklyn Law School last year and Mary’s still in high school.

“My dad did two tours in Iraq and now he runs a restaurant with my best friend, Steve, who lives next door. My mom’s an accountant.”

You nodded. Your mind was racing, trying to process all the information Bucky had given you. It wasn’t easy, mostly because you didn’t care, but also because it had been a long and tiring day.

“I think I’ll remember,’ you said, rubbing your temples. “Where are you going to sleep?”

“There’s a sleeping bag under the bed,” he replied. “It’s old, but it’ll do.”

“Okay. Can we go now? I’m starving.”

Five minutes later, Bucky led you into the backyard of his neighbour’s house where his family was waiting for your arrival. Bucky introduced you to his sister, Mary, his best friend, Steve, and Steve’s wife, Peggy.

You sat between Mary and Bucky and smiled politely as Winnie passed you a bowl of creamed green peas.

You made small talk with Bucky’s sisters, even though you hated the awkwardness of it. You found out some juicy gossip about Bucky and made a mental note to tease him about it later. Steve and George were talking about the restaurant while Winnie scolded her only son.

“You never call, you never visit. We didn’t even know you had a girlfriend!” she said, nodding toward you.

“Ma’, I’m sorry. I just have a lot of work, y’know. But I’m here now.”

Winnie waved her fork at him before she stabbed a slice of melon. “We’ll talk about this later.”

You heard Bucky gulp and you almost felt sorry for him. He knew his mother would nag him about it. She always had to be right and have the last word about everything.

You were so caught up in Mary’s story that you didn’t notice that Bucky had left the table. He had quietly slipped into the house with Steve and Peggy. The couple had some news they wanted to share with him, but they were afraid of his reaction.

“So,” Steve broke the silence after Peggy gave him an encouraging nod. “Your girlfriend seems great. You finally hav-”

“She’s a fucking pain in my ass,” Bucky groaned. “I thought I could do this, but I can’t. It’s impossible.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m not dating her,” he explained, rolling his eyes as they stared at him, confused. “Seriously? You really thought we were dating? C’mon, we have nothing in common and she stands three feet away from me like I have the plague or something.”

Peggy snapped out of her confused state. “Who is she?”

“My neighbor’s best friend. Honestly, it was her idea. We can’t stand each other.”

“But... but...” Steve babbled, unable to form a coherent sentence. “Why?”

Bucky took a deep breath, hoping it would calm his nerves. “It’s just... I can’t show up alone, y’know? I can’t let Dot win. She needs to see that I’m happy and in love.”

“Bucky, don’t do that to yourself.”

He bit back in a silent groan. He knew it was crazy, but he hoped that his friends would understand why he had to do it.

“Ah, there you are! I thought you were hiding from me.”

His body automatically cringed at the sound of your cheerful voice. It sounded so fake. He knew you were enjoying this.

“What do you want?” he asked abruptly.

“Oh, you’re a Grumpy Gus today,” you exclaimed with a fake gleeful laugh and gave him a pointed look. A look that said ‘If you don’t calm down they’re gonna know we’re faking it.’

“They know we’re not really dating.” Bucky gestured loosely toward Steve and Peggy.

“Thank God!” you breathed out, dropping the act. “It’s exhausting having to put on an act all the time.”

“You don’t even look like you’re in love with me.”

“Oh, cry me a fucking river, Barnes!”

He opened his mouth to snap back a retort, but before he could, Peggy cleared her voice, reminding him that they were still in the room. There was no doubt in their minds that you and Bucky were faking a relationship.

“Oh, yeah, you wanted to tell me something, right?” Bucky suddenly remembered.

“I’m pregnant,” Peggy blurted out.

You felt Bucky tense next to you. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at them with an icy glare. Steve and Peggy waited for him to say something, but long minutes passed and a palpable tension began to build.

“Congratulations!” you said, giving them your best smile. “Sorry, it’s been a really long day. I think we should go.”

Bucky didn’t look at you as he bolted out of the room. He mumbled an apology to his parents and headed back to the house. You had to run to catch up with him.

“What’s the matter with you? You’re acting like a real jerk. Can’t you be happy for them? This may come as a surprise to you, but not everyone wants to fuck around all their lives.”

He spun around so fast that you almost crashed into him. “You don’t know me, you don’t know anything!”

He rushed up the porch steps and slammed the front door behind him.

Part 3

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagines #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #marvel imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #bucky fanfiction #redgillan #redgillanwrites #breaking the rules

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eelknow-1 · 6 years

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Tags and questions 😋

I got tag by @da-smiley99 I don’t remember the rules of this game or if other people tagged me. But I think you have to tag like 10 or 5 people….idk…I forgot…anyway if I tag you and you don’t want to do this then it’s alright, you don’t have to. 😆

Name: Lizzie

Nicknames: Liz, Lizza, Liza, Lasagne, Monkey, Lichie

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Libra

Height: Like 5'8 or 5'9…maybe??

Time: 11:47

Birthday: September 28

Favorite Bands: BTS, EXO, Reik, FOB, TØP, SEVENTEEN, and NCT U

Favorite Solo Artists: Lana del rey, Billie Eilish, Troye Sivan, Halsey and Camila Cabello

Song Stuck In My Head: Blood, Sweat and Tears by BTS (Tbh that song is catchy :3)

Last Movie I Watched: Annihilation

Last Show I Watched: Riverdale

When Did I Create My Blog: I don’t remember ._.

Last Thing I Googled: mermaid mythology (I was doing a research for an essay for school)

Do I Have Another Blog: Collab blog? Then yes, I have two. Solo blog? Like another blog that is only mine? Then no.

Do I Get Asks: Sometimes, not that often

Why I Choose My URL: when I was young my URL for everything was lizzielizzie12. It just got stuck to me, I kinda like my URL and I’m always going to keep it that way. (Even tho I’m not 12 anymore…)

Following: 973…I like following people…OKAY! :p

Followers: 172

Average Hours Of Sleep: 6 or 5…sometimes 2 or none… 🙈

Lucky Number: 14

Instruments: Piano and Trumpet

What Am I Wearing: my PJ’s :)

Dream Job: Writer, Photographer and Movie Producer

Dream Trip: Australia!!!

Favorite Food: Mashed potatoes and lasagne 😄

Nationality: umm…Hispanic?…

Favorite Song Right Now: I NEED U by BTS

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff

Favorite Animal: Panda and Penguin

Cat or Dog Person: Cats! and dogs :3

Blankets You Sleep With: 3 thick ones because I always get cold at nights .-.

Why I Got A Blog: So I can look through my OTP tags. And make friends I guess?…

Favorite Characters/Top 3: Theo Raeken, Newt (from the maze runners) and Cheryl Blossom

# Of Posts:…I don’t know, I lost track

Pokémon team: Don’t play Pokémon, so idk…

Favorite Color: Black and White

Relationship Status: Don’t flirt with me, I don’t wanna date anyone, go away ._.

Lipstick or ChapStick: ChapStick 😄

Last Song I Listen To: Go Go by BTS (basically I’m listening to BTS a lot…what is my life?)

Top 3 Shows: Shadowhunters, Riverdale and Teen Wolf

Top 3 Ships: Jikook (Jimin + Jungkook), Thiam (Theo + Liam), and Choni (Cheryl + Toni)

Books I’m Reading: The swiss family Robinson (a school assignment)

I tag @lameassthiam @manspirations @gunsforholmes @kookatuna @jikooksmth @a-beautiful-struggle-of-life

@tabbytabbytabby @sofia1926 @nestablebirds @potatolifu @andimacktrashaf @sampark13

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theteaisaddictive · 6 years

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tag games, all in one post

for everybody’s sanity i’m not going to come up with new questions, but here is everything i’ve been tagged in:

@lumiereswig

are you more introverted or extroverted? introverted, all the way

what’s something dorky you were into whe you were younger? i’m kind of into all the same things now as i was then, so that doesn’t help :P

what’s something dorky you’re into now? um. beauty and the beast? i guess?

go on a rant about some aspect of the dorky thing you love. 1991 MAURICE WAS NOT A COWARDS HE WAS A BRAVE MAN WHO HAD A TENDENCY TO HYPER-FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME. WHEN THAT THING IS HIS INVENTIONS, HE’S A LITTLE SPACED OUT AROUND HIS DAUGHTER. WHEN THAT THING IS HIS DAUGHTER, HE DOES ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING HE CAN TO KEEP HER SAFE, AND HE LISTENS TO HER WHEN SHE TELLS HIM THE BEAST ISN’T ALL BAD.

Got any rituals when you write/draw/etc? no, alas i am very boring

Tea or coffee? Chocolate or pastries? Dogs or cats? tea, pastries, dogs because i have 2

hell, why not, flatter me. have you read my fics? do you have a favorite? i really liked the one where the servants became human in modern europe and had to travel to find each other -- did you ever finish that?

HAVE YOU LISTENED TO GREAT COMET YET. YES

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU LISTEN TO GREAT COMET. NOTHING IT’S AMAZING

THOUGHTS ON GREAT COMET. ALL THE FEELINGS FOR THE SAD RUSSIANS. ALL OF THEM.

favorite shakespeare play? much ado about nothing

@rosemoon621

If you could be a batb character, who would you be? belle, for sure

What is your favorite song of the moment? party tattoos or would you be so kind, both by dodie.

What series are you currently watching? i’m on episode 19 of critical role, if that’s an acceptable answer

If you could live in a place of your dreams FOREVER, where would you go? maybe my childhood town? i’m a homebody who likes what she already knows, though, so this is the most boring answer

If you could come to a country in South America, which country did you want to go to? i think brazil would be a really interesting country to visit!

How old are you now? 20

What is your favorite youtube video? oh c’mon, asking me to choose anything? i do love that one try guys video where they taste test the sexy drinks, because i just about suffocate laughing every time i watch

What song are you listening to while answering this question? no songs, this gets my full attention!

When is your birthday? i’m not sharing that on tumblr.

In a modern au, can you imagine what profession Adam would be in today? i can see him as an anger management therapist, actually.

What is your favorite tumblr blog? nobody! you’re all brilliant and lovely!

and

1. Can you imagine what happened minutes after the kiss at the end of the movie? i like to imagine that they hugged, maybe cried a little. belle asked the prince what his name was, and she tested it out a few times before saying that it suited him. 2. What is your favorite character, and why? belle, because of the self-insert feels. 3. What is your favorite song in the movie? (it can be either the 91 version or the 2017 version) something there, for either. 4. What character of the movie would you be in if he existed in real life? probably the beast, for self-insert reasons 5. When was the first time you saw the movie? i don’t remember, i would have been a child. 6. What’s your favorite fanfic (more than a chapter) about the movie? Kissed By A Rose, by SamoaPhoenix9 7. What movie character would you look at if he existed in real life? last time i did this i chose kelsi from hsm, so i guess that still stands. 8. What was the craziest thing you imagined involving this movie? that belle and plumette are sisters (this has 0 basis in canon, but you can pluck the idea from my cold dead hands) 9. What part did you dislike about the 1991 version? how short the falling in love parts are 10. And what was the point that you did not like the 2017 version? it’s a four way tie between the shirtless scene, the growl at the end, the lack of lines for the prince, and the goDDAMN MAGIC BOOK THAT MAKES NO SENSE 11. What was your favorite part of the 2017 version? the costumes!

@hathor-frozen (technically didn’t tag me, but i like their questions)

1. Do you like Mrs Potts in the animated or live-action BatB more? Why? animated, because she a) doesn’t do the weird kiss-pout thing in Be Our Guest, and b) Angela Lansbury’s accent is miles better than Emma Thompson’s.

2. Out of all the various meals mentioned in “Be Our Guest” which can you (or would like to learn to) make? beef ragù always sounded interesting to me

3. Have you ever tried any of the meals mentioned in “Be Our Guest”? that would be a no

4. Imagine they had announced they were cutting out your favourite servant from the live-action. Whom would you be most sad/angry to see go? mrs potts, because -- well, can you imagine the movie without her? cause i can’t!

5. What about least sad to see go? probably babette (from 1991 -- sorry, babette stans!), since she doesn’t really contribute much

6. Ballroom scene: 1991 or 2017? 1991 for sure! the little gulp when belle guides his hands to her waist, the beautiful colours, the brilliant smiles on their faces . . .

7. If 1991!Belle and 2017!Belle met, do you think they’d get along? Why/why not? i think they would! they’re similar people; i feel like 1991 belle would just kind of nod along to 2017 belle’s mechanical talk, since she doesn’t seem that interested in her dad’s work, but they’d probably get on well enough.

8. If you could have any role in the castle, what would you be? i might be mrs. potts, honestly

9. Which BatB film’s “Little Town” do you prefer? 1991, because it’s fast-paced, keeps everything at the same pitch, and has the immortal line ‘marie! the baguettes! hurry up!’

10. Which BatB film’s “Something There” do you prefer? again, 1991, because it’s the first time we hear the prince’s voice.

11. If you could redesign any of the costumes in the live-action film, what would you pick and why? probably the yellow dress, because it doesn’t really wow me as much as i think it could have.

@myfellowcandlesticks

if you got turned into an enchanted object in the castle, what would you be? probably like a bookmark or something

if you could have only one dish from “be our guest”, which one would you eat? i’ll try the grey stuff, since it’s so intriguing

what are your thoughts on the last scene in batb 2017, when mrs. potts sings a reprise of “tale as old as time” and gives maurice A Look™? i think it’s a sweet nod to the people (LIKE ME) who ship 1991 maurice and mrs potts. but it doesn’t work if she has a husband already. (cue me getting the horrible idea to write a three-way love triangle ending in maurice and mrs potts being together, but involving infidelity and divorce, which means i’ll never write it)

in a modern day au, is plumette a hipster or an art hoe? art hoe 100000%

same modern day au; is lumiere a star trek or a star wars fan? star wars, purely for the in-jokes.

WHAT HOGWARTS HOUSE IS COGSWORTH IN?? I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR AGES i think he’s a gryffindor. sure, he’s a stickler for rules, but so was hermione and that didn’t make her any less gryffindor.

you know what? place everyone in their hogwarts houses! adam is a slytherin and that is a hill i will die upon. belle is either a ravenclaw (dat intelligence) or a hufflepuff (loyal to her dad/the castle, works at her inventions and books). mrs potts and lumiere are both gryffindors. plumette and chapeau are slytherins.

do you have any headcanons about belle and adam as parents? i think they’d always let their children know they were loved, and they’d always try their best to support them.

what does chip grow up to be? i mean what job do you think he chooses? there was a really nice fic juliejeanette (civilwarrose) wrote where he became a sailor in the french navy, and i think that fits him pretty well)

what’s your favorite song of the moment? (doesnt have to be batb, i’m just curious to know what yall listen to) already answered!

what’s your favorite book? (not romeo and juliet like belle, i hope) again with making me choose! uhhhhh jane eyre, villette, the woman in white, fangirl, the lunar chronicles, ink heart series, his dark materials.

and

name: rachael

gender: cis woman

height: like 5″2′

hogwarts house: hufflepuff

favorite animal: dog/cat/dolphin

average hours of sleep: right now about 9 because i’m sick, but usually about 7

dogs or cats: dogs

how many blankets i sleep with: two in winter, one in summer

dream trip/vacation: i’d love to go back to canada one day, especially p.e.i. again.

dream job: nurse

when i made this account: july 2012, but i didn’t really use it until like 2013

why i made this account: to keep up with bernie su’s bts posts about the lizzie bennet diaries

number of followers: 460

reason for url: i like tea

#asks #beauty and the beast #batb 2017 #sorry for this hella long post guys

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feuillesmortes · 6 years

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Academic life got in the way of this fic, but here we are! This chapter happens just one day after Henry and Lizzie’s day trip to Richmond. I’m tagging my mates @harritudur and @queenbessofyork, who have been incredibly supportive of this fic.

As always, you can also read it on Ao3.

Henry, London Borough of Camden, 2:04 p.m.

One could think of few things better than spending a bank holiday in North London. The sun was out, the birds were singing. The sound of the rustling leaves coming from the Heath was carried along by a gentle breeze sweeping down on Hampstead Village. That posh neighbourhood, known as the new frog valley of London, where french pâtisseries and crêperies endowed the air with the richest of flavours, was home to François de Bretagne.

In one of the large Edwardian houses that populated the neighbourhood, Henry Tudor attended his boss’s garden party garbed with his best bottom-up and armed with a politely trained smile on his face. It was a great chance to properly catch up with his co-workers and improve his networking skills. Except Henry would rather be anywhere else. Well, not really anywhere else. Certainly not with anyone. He had a very specific person on his mind.

For what felt like the hundredth time, he unlocked his mobile screen to look at her text:

Can we meet today at 7? Spoons would be nice x

Just ten simple words. Not unlike with everything else in his life, Henry found himself overanalysing that line of text. She had ended it with a single ‘x’ instead of a double… Not the most affectionate way to end a text, one could say. Their goodbye the previous day had been awkward enough, yes, but she hadn’t shied away from his embrace. Granted, when walking Lizzie to her flat she had hurried inside the building maybe a bit too fast.

But her invite to the local Wetherspoons was a good sign, wasn’t it? A familiar feeling gnawing at his insides, Henry started to think he might have miscalculated his move. Maybe he should have given her more time… He instinctively touched the pocket where he kept the gift he had bought her ages ago: a gold necklace, paired with a rose pendant. He had bought it as a Christmas present, only at the time he hadn’t had the guts to give her.

“Tudor, are you coming or not? We’ll be running out of gravy soon.”

“Yeah, bruv! Just grab your plate and get in the bloody queue!”

Henry looked up to find his co-workers Ed and Tom waiting for him, both mildly annoyed at his delay. “Alright, alright. I’m coming.”

His colleagues were right to worry about the gravy, though; the queue for the buffet table was incredibly long. It looked like everyone who worked for the company had been invited to the party. The majority of the employees were EU nationals, but Henry’s fellow Brits were increasing numbers every day.

“Oh shit, is that Jane from HR?” Tom exclaimed suddenly. “I’ve gotta go talk to her. Hold my place for a sec, will you?”

A cocktail cooling in hand, Henry watched Tom approach the HR girl with the characteristic sleazy smile he put on whenever he tried to chat up a girl. Thomas Grey, simply known around the office as Tom, looked just like a generic Tom was supposed to look. Small round eyes, rosy face, neither tall nor short. Every Brit knew at least one generic Tom.

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend or something?” Henry turned to ask his other colleague, Edward Woodville. He bore the same last name as Lizzie’s mother, which sometimes made Henry wonder whether they were distantly related or if it was all just coincidence.

“Last time I checked, he had a fiancée.” Henry let out a small oh, taking a sip from his glass. Ed simply shrugged. “You know how Tom is. Always… fooling around.” He turned his gaze to Henry. “What about you? What were you doing back there on your phone? Not bad news, I hope.”

“No, not bad news. Just… me being paranoid, I reckon.”

Ed nodded, turning to scan the rest of the party. “Do you… want to talk about it… maybe?”

“Nah, mate. I’m fine.” Henry looked down at his glass, shaking the ice cubes. The liquid quivered with circular vibrations. Some unspoken rules were just not simply broken.

“Cool.”

“Cool.” Henry repeated, as if those were not his worries they were just trying to discuss. Cool.

A comfortable silence settled over them, lasting no longer than Tom’s return. Looking triumphant, Tom got back just in time before the queue moved too far. “I did it! I got her number! See, I told you I would—”

“Well, well, well! Who do we have here?”

They spun around to find Pierre Laudais, François’ assistant. He sported a mocking smile and an awfully tacky tie as he usually did. He wasn’t particularly popular among the employees, not even the EU nationals working for the firm. As the second in command, Laudais was merely tolerated. Henry let out a deep sigh, bracing himself. Here we go.

“And do my eyes deceive me or it is Henry Tudor, the absolute ledge!” The Frenchman laughed, patting his shoulder. “Isn’t it how you lads say it? Absolute ledge?”

Don’t murder stare. Don’t murder stare. You’ve got this. Don’t murder stare. Don’t murder st—

His colleagues shook their heads, barely concealing their contempt.

“It’s not… It’s not really…”

“It’s not how we say it.”

Laudais was thoroughly amused, though. “Why not? This guy— this guy here, I’m telling you. This guy right here is a legend. The best intern we ever had. Go ask François. N’est-ce pas, Tudor?” Laudais spoke his last name with a strong accent dripping with sarcasm. It all clearly meant: aren’t you a proper boss’s pet?

Henry squinted his eyes at him, fake smiling. “Thank you, Laudais. I only try my very best. But clearly, you already know that for sure.” Just the previous month, Henry had checked a couple of funny reports, counts not matching the system. The error couldn’t be tracked at the time, but Henry had a feeling Laudais hadn’t been much happier since then.

Laudais simply blinked at him for some seconds before turning to his co-workers. “Well, forgive me for trying to blend in with you, heh. You know, after Brexit one does fear about losing his job. No one is safe! Who knows who could be next!” He raised his glass of champagne as a way of goodbye and gave them an ugly smirk, a motion that rendered his face even more punchable. He left them to go straight to the casserole dish stand, jumping the queue and receiving some silent head shakes along the way.

“Connard.” Henry muttered under his breath, gulping down the rest of his cocktail. He could assign a long list of names to that bastard. It was a special pastime of his to get colourful with his french insults: enfoiré, abruti, crevard, quickly turning into trou du cul, face de rat, sac à vin, crétin des Alpes, ironie de la création… It was truly a great pity he could not voice his thoughts with so many French speakers around.

His co-workers beside him, though, were not so subtle.

“Dickhead.”

“Fucking wanker.”

Henry served himself a couple of golden yorkshire puddings, a recent favourite of his. “Don’t mind him. Laudais is just trying to scare me. Honestly, I couldn’t be arsed to care.”

“But maybe you should,” Ed said, stuffing his plate with roasted vegetables. “Aren’t you graduating in a few month’s time?”

“Hopefully yes.”

“It’d be nice to have a job then, don’t you think?”

Henry fell silent at that. It would be nice to have a job. That was something he had to remind himself every time frustration got the better of him, like a mantra. It would be nice to have a job.

The hours dragged, the minutes stretched. Taking rounds around the garden to chitchat with his colleagues was like a personal nightmare come alive. The weather! Where would they all be if not for that particular topic of conversation? Switch to French. Switch to English. Switch to French again. François’ relatives were there too, which meant of course even more fake smiling, fake listening, enthusiastically nodding your head and feigning interest in the most tedious things. The number of times he had to say “how do you do?” that day just couldn’t be measured.

Henry would check his watch every now and then. Shit, only five minutes since last time. It was at that rather depressing moment that Tom pulled out a cigarette pack. “Time for a break. Are you coming, Tudor?”

Ed didn’t smoke, though he would sometimes join them during coffee break. Every time, though, he would complain the smoke followed him around. Henry himself as he was trying to quit gradually stopped joining Tom for a drag.

Henry looked at the pack Tom was shaking in his hand. They were L&B, a popular brand, but too chavvy for Henry’s taste. He forcefully willed himself to look away. “No, thank you. I’ve quit.” He rubbed the nicotine patch beneath his shirt, placed just above his elbow. He knew the day would be stressful enough, so he had to come prepared.

“What, Tudor! Seriously?“

Ed congratulated him by clapping. “That’s the spirit. Good for you, Tudor. ”

“Come on, mate! One fag is not gonna kill you.”

Tom extended a cigarette to Henry, nimbly holding it between his fingers, but Henry turned it down. “I can’t. I promised I wouldn’t.” He had promised other things as well, like getting an appointment with his GP. As if Henry had enough time for that.

By now Tom was lighting up his cigarette. “So what now? You promised your mum you’d stop smoking, is that it? Nancy boy doesn’t want to disappoint his mum?”

“Not my mum, you blinking idiot.” It was impossible not to sound defensive. “I promised a friend.”

“A friend?”

“A girl…friend.”

“Oooh, a girlfriend. Ed, do you believe this fucker? He never tells us anything.”

Edward wriggled his eyebrows. “Is it that girl you fancy, Lizzie? Tom, he won’t say a thing but he’s mentioned her name several times.”

“Lizzie, eh?” Tom took a long drag and let it out in a silvery grey cloud. “Yes, I recall. Have you shagged her yet?”

Henry shot him a deadly, fulminating stare. “That’s none of your bloody business.”

Tom turned to Edward. “I take it as a no.”

Ed suppressed a laugh, but Henry wasn’t amused. "Why don’t you just fuck off, Tom?”

“Calm down, bruv.“ Tom raised his palms in self-defence. "I was just taking the piss. What else are friends for these days?”

Henry wouldn’t exactly call him a friend. Co-worker, associate, colleague, work fellow, ally, a little dot in his social network scheme, but certainly not friend. “I appreciate your interest in my love life. But rest assured, I know how to handle myself.”

Tom didn’t take the hint. "You’re really serious about that girl, eh?”

Henry’s best fake smile flashed through gritted teeth and squinted eyes. “Unlike some, I don’t fool around.”

Tom frowned quizzically, as if trying to decide whether that was a veiled insult or not. Thankfully François came calling before the air turned too foul. “Boys! Ed, Tom, Henri! We’re taking a group picture. Come, all of you!”

Henry had thought the party couldn’t get any worse.

__________________________________________

Lizzie, City of Westminster, 6:53 p.m.

A girl sitting by herself is always a sorry sight no matter the place, that much she had been told. Some lessons took longer to unlearn, so maybe that was why Lizzie was so restless in her seat: one minute fidgeting with the rings on her fingers, the next gripping the menu tight in her hands. It was her own fault, actually, to have chosen the local Wetherspoons to meet him. It was too familiar, too public a place to talk with him. Her anxiousness grew from a knot in her throat and spread to the tips of her toenails like a rope stretched too tight.

From her place at the table, Lizzie watched different groups of friends ordering their rounds. She tried to distract herself by inventing lives for each men. The short one with the funny hat was an architect, she decided. The loudest of them, she kept on musing, was actually the saddest, his hollering and chattering only a mask to hide his— No, it wasn’t working. Her rambling mind kept trailing back to her own doubts and worries. No, it was entirely her fault. She didn’t need to get there so early in advance. Henry was halfway across town and chances were he wouldn’t get to the pub in time.

She took another sip of her pint of cider, an overly sweet Strongbow Dark Fruit. Lizzie had never been one for drinking. She had always been too prim, too proper. A general distaste for beer and a lack of aptitude to handle hard liquor made it all too easy for her to rely solely on sugary booze. But regular cider was something a 16 year-old might pick when illegally drinking with her mates in the park. Lizzie, on the other hand, liked to think a Dark Fruit was a much classier option with its rich royal purple liquid gracing her taste buds.

She kept thinking of what Cecily had said during their last facetime session. Lizzie had volunteered to help her sister improve her grades— she vowed she could help her with anything, anything but maths. But Henry could help her with that, Lizzie reckoned. She knew he would if she asked him nicely enough. Cecily had been all too grateful for the help, but when confronted about her seeing a particular boy while still grounded, Cecily had plunged into a sullen mood.

“Whoever said I can’t see him?”

“Well, for one, mum said that.”

“Lizzie, have you thought that mum is not our boss? Do you let her rule your love life? Do you let her pick your boyfriends for you? No, I don’t think so. I’m sure you can think for yourself. So why should she have a say in who I date and who I don’t?”

That hit uncomfortably close to home. Lizzie looked down at her pint glass. She was on her second pint already. God, what was she thinking? She pushed it away while she still had a clear mind. She certainly wouldn’t like Henry to see her tipsy. It was at that moment that she saw a familiar face walking the place. Lizzie ducked her head, tried to hide her face behind the menu as she realised it was her ex-boyfriend Charles. It was a futile action though, for he had already seen her and was coming her way.

Lizzie let go of the menu, but kept her eyes focused on the ground, refusing to acknowledge him. Yet the feet planted in front of her table weren’t going anywhere, it seemed. Lizzie clutched the edge of the table and slowly raised her eyes.

“Chérie, I haven’t seen you in a long time.” His dark hair slicked to one side, a carefree smile dancing on his lips, and sporting a Paris Saint-German shirt, Charles took the chair opposite hers. “What are you doing here all by yourself?”

“I’m not by myself.” She managed to croak out. “I’m waiting for someone.” Her reply was brief, almost rude, but Lizzie had no intention to be polite with him. He surely hadn’t been considerate of her feelings when they were together.

Something like aggravation flickered in his face before he dismissed it with a scoff. “Waiting for someone? Like what, like a date?”

“Like— Well, I’m…” Was it a date? “It's— It’s Henry! I’m waiting for Henry.”

“Oh!” He chuckled, probably relieved. Lizzie couldn’t believe it had taken her so long to see how pretentious he looked with that smug smile of his. “Henry Tudor, isn’t it? We have some classes together. Your roommate.”

“He’s my former flatmate, as I’ve told you well before.” At the time of Henry’s moving out, Lizzie had repetitively whinged about it to Charles. Lizzie had always suspected he hadn’t listened to any of her grievances; now she had complete proof.

“Yes, yes, ma chérie. I’m sure you did.” Charles made a vague dismissive gesture with his hands, his tone patronising.

I am not your chérie, she thought bitterly. Lizzie wanted to erase that smile from his face, wanted to slap him to see if it went away. If she flung her pint into his face would that be enough? Would it be enough to see it dripping into his expensive football shirt?

“Anyways.” He started again, lounging too comfortably on his chair. “I don’t know why you’re still hanging out with him. Tudor is such a huge nerd.”

“Don’t talk of him like that!” She snapped. “You don’t know him.”

Charles frowned, slightly amused. Maybe she had sounded a bit too defensive. “Wow. PMS is a bitch, hein?”

Lizzie looked straight at him. She didn’t flinch from his gaze— she took all in, saw all of him. His dark eyes, his long nose, his wormy lips. She tried to find what had caught her attention before. Maybe, just maybe, it had been that overbearing sense of confidence he exuded through every pore of his being. Only now she knew it wasn’t confidence, no, it was an absurdly heightened arrogance. Suddenly she felt nothing towards him anymore. Neither love nor hate. Neither affection, nor contempt. Nothing at all.

“It was great chatting with you, Charles.” She stated with an even voice. “But I think you should leave now.”

Charles made no intention to move. “What, leave? Ma chérie, we haven’t even started.”

He moved to grab her wrist, but she pulled her hands into her lap before he could do so. "Just. Leave.”

Charles looked at a point behind her. “Tudor! We were just talking about you.”

Lizzie turned around to see a newly-arrived Henry. If he was in any way displeased by seeing Charles at her table, he didn’t show any of it. On the contrary, he looked every bit dignified. His hair was neatly combed, his button-up shirt complemented his Burberry tailored jacked wonderfully. He was wearing his contacts that day, looking every inch sharp and professional.

“Lizzie.” He greeted her with a warm smile, taking the seat beside hers to wrap an arm around her waist, going in for an open mouth kiss. For a moment Lizzie forgot they weren’t alone.

“Rôôôôh! C'est quoi ce bordel?!” Charles sounded a mixture of gobsmacked and furious.

Pulling back, Henry acted like he did not see him before. “Oh, Charles. Hello there.” Henry said simply, almost like acknowledging his presence was an afterthought.

Charles looked from Henry to Lizzie, eyes bulging. “Tu te fous de moi?”

Lizzie carefully replied, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. “Charles, it’s been months since we—”

“You were fucking behind my back, that’s what you were doing!“

She opened her mouth to deny it, but Henry stopped her by landing a hand atop hers, ceasing her fidgeting. "Lizzie, you don’t owe him any explanation whatsoever.”

“I know, but people are looking.”

“All this time!” Charles kept raving, his accent getting thicker by the minute. “And oh my God, you were roommates!”

”Flatmates!“ Their voices corrected him in unison.

"A slut, Lizzie! That’s what you are!” Charles smacked down a hand on the table.

It was at that moment that Henry grabbed him by the shirt, pulling Charles across the table to face him. “That’s enough.” His voice was cold, perfectly controlled. “You will remove yourself from this table and quietly fuck off. Do you understand?” Charles, caught by surprise, could only stare at him. “Do you understand me?” Henry released him with a sneer. “Pauvre con.”

Charles’ face went quickly from white to purple. “Ta gueule!” He stood up, pushing his chair noisily across the floor.

The whole pub watched as Henry slowly stood up from his place. Lizzie tried to grasp his hand to stop him. “Henry, don’t.” She murmured, but Henry had already disentangled from her grip and made his way around the table.

“Ça commence a me gaver là, putain.”

“Ah carrément?” Charles scoffed, giving him a shove.

“Oui, carrément.” Henry pushed him back. Both men grabbed each other’s by the collar.

It was a matter of seconds. Lizzie rushed to get between them, struggled to pull them apart. “Stop it! Stop it! What’s wrong with you?!”

“Take that outside!” Someone shouted at them.

Why are men so bloody stupid? They were acting like she was some sort of property to be fought over. Henry had the grace to look somewhat ashamed, but Charles still looked furious. Thankfully, someone had called the security guard. “Gentlemen, I have to ask you to leave.”

“I’m leaving. He can stay.” Henry carded his fingers through his hair, putting his clothes back in order. “Come, Lizzie.” He took her by the hand, pulling her along. She managed to pick her purse and jacket before she was half-dragged to the exit door.

Charles still had some in him to bite back. “Yes, flee like the coward you are! Dégage!”

It didn’t matter what Charles could say, Henry was still the one who left the place with his arm wrapped around the girl. Henry mockingly waved to him before they crossed the door, but Lizzie could only feel her cheeks burning. She would never be able to step inside that pub again. They had just walked past the corner when she pushed Henry away. “Why did you do that?”

“Excuse me?” He was still jumpy from his altercation with Charles.

“Why did you have to make such a scene?”

“I made a scene?” He scoffed, sarcasm coming out. “Sorry, were you trying to make up with Charles back there? Did I interrupt anything?”

“You know I was not! Don’t even try to play that card. The point is you made it look like we’re a thing. We’re not a thing! We’re not even together!”

At that Henry lowered his head, as if taking a blow. He blinked for a second before replying. “Well, thanks for telling me now. When were you planning to tell me perchance? Today? Next week? Maybe after I brought you a wedding ring?”

“See, that’s not how a relationship works! You don’t get to decide what we do, what we are, before we can talk things through. Just because we kissed that one time—”

“By that one time you mean yesterday.”

“—That doesn’t mean we are together. It doesn’t mean I owe anything.”

“Owe me? What sort of nonsense is this?”

“Look, Henry.” She ran a hand through her long hair, searching for the right words. “I am not ungrateful. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for offering help when my family faced eviction. I truly do! But you don’t get to decide our relationship. I cannot repay you like that.”

“Lizzie, for God’s sake!” He rubbed his eyes. He looked tired, so so very tired. “I’m not trying to buy you!” His voice took a quiet turn then, almost tender. “Don’t you see that everything I do, I do because I care about you?”

She shook her head. “Don’t.”

“Don’t?” He looked befuddled, almost hurt.

She looked away. “Don’t come at me like that.” Don’t be soft now, or you’ll make me soft too. “What of what I want? What I think, what I feel? I’d like to have a voice in this too!”

“Of course, Lizzie! But you do!”

“I don’t want it to be like that. Like— Like I’m paying back a favour.”

“But you’re not! I’m not asking for payment!”

“It doesn’t matter, that’s what it looks like to people.”

He caught her wrists then and brought them to his chest, pulling her to him. They were both short of breath, chests heaving. He didn’t kiss her, but she almost wished him to. From that close proximity it was almost unbearable to look at him. He wasn’t wearing his glasses— there was nothing between her and his agitated eyes. They were piercing and blue, and terrible to face. “Lizzie, it’s simple.” He said, very quietly. “Do you want me or not?”

“I…” She faltered. Suddenly it was difficult to breathe.

“Stop with the mixed signals for once. Do you want me…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Or not?”

“I…” She searched for a word, anything. “I don’t know.”

He released her then, splaying his hands like she’d just burned him. He stepped back, his expression unreadable “Henry?”

He pulled something out of his pocket and pressed it into one of her hands. She opened it to find a delicate gold necklace, a pendant in the shape of a rose carefully crafted. “What… what is this?”

“A gift. I have no use for it.”

Lizzie felt her eyes swarming with unshed tears. She looked up to find his back to her. Henry was steadily walking away. He is leaving me, the realisation struck her like a dagger. “Henry! Henry, where are you going?”

He didn’t reply. She wasn’t even sure he had listened to her. Lizzie watched as he descended the stairs to the tube station. He wasn’t going back to his flat, that much was clear. He didn’t need to take the tube for that. “Henry!” She called him one last time.

She wouldn’t run after him. Not her, not while people passing by could see her in such an undignified state. She did the right thing, so why did it feel like the worst decision she had ever made? The coldness of the night suddenly crept into her bones. She wrapped herself tight in her jacket, a shiver ran down her spine. She was left alone on that street, alone with her thoughts and the words she should never have said.

#henry x lizzie #henry vii x elizabeth of york #modern au #flatmates au #fanfic #thanks for sticking with me

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allenmendezsr · 4 years

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Find Out About Ferrets.

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/find-out-about-ferrets/

Find Out About Ferrets.

Buy Now

From: Colin Patterson Written: Saturday, 9:07 A.M.

Dear Friend,

If you want your ferret to be happy and safe and live double the average ferret lifespan —

If you don’t have a clue what to do to when your ferret bites people or goes to the bathroom outside the litter box (even though they’re supposed to be trained) —

If you’d like your ferret to be overjoyed and greet you when you get home from work —

— then this could be the most exciting letter you’ll ever read about ferrets. Here’s why…

My Amazingly Simple, Step-By-Step Ferret Manual Is Unlike Anything You’ve Ever Seen

Learn everything you need to know to have a long life with a well-behaved ferret who’s pleasant to be around and feels affection toward you.

You see, I’ve been a small animal trainer and breeder for a few decades now, and the techniques I’ve developed have become something of a legend among ferret fanciers.

And recently I finished packaging up my secrets into a guide I call Find Out About Ferrets: The Complete Guide To Turning Your Ferret Into The Happiest, Best-Behaved, and Healthiest Pet In The World!

I wrote it in plain, conversational English that’s easy to follow — even if you’ve never owned a ferret before and don’t know the first thing about them (other than you might want one).

As a complete system, this guide will reveal to you everything you want to know about ferrets. That’s why…

You’ll Discover Secrets In My Guide That Will Change Your Ferret In A Big, Big Way

Lizzie, a recent client, called me in tears. After only 2 short months, she was about to take Janie, her adorable albino ferret, back to the shelter. Her call to me was a last resort (as they always are in my small animal consulting practice).

At first Lizzie had a great life with Janie but by the end she was afraid all those horrible things she’d heard about ferrets were coming true.

You see, Janie made her apartment stink–not only did Janie himself smell worse than a skunk, but it seemed like she pooped everywhere except her litter box.

On top of that, she would always chase people’s feet, trying to nip them. Lizzie’s friends stopped coming to visit for fear of being attacked!

But the final straw came when Janie chewed through an electrical cord. “I feel like a bad ferret mom,” Janie told me, “and I’m ready to give up.”

Do These “Downsides” Of Owning A Ferret Sound Familiar?

If you’re like many ferret owners, you’re looking for (immediate) answers that are hard to find since most of the complete pet care guides deal only with dogs or cats.

Maybe you too are frustrated by a ferret who smells bad, poops and pees all over the place, and gets aggressive and bites you and your houseguests…

Or you don’t know the health problems you should be aware of, or what to do in an emergency…

Or you’re not sure if you’re feeding him the right foods, how to “ferret-proof” your house, or whether you’re giving him a good life in his cage…

You are not alone.

So I told Lizzie my guide would her teach everything she wanted to know about making her ferret into the perfect companion for life.

She said she was skeptical, because she’d already done a lot of Internet research and found conflicting information and lots of sites that didn’t answer her questions.

So I Told Her To Pick Just One Secret From My Guide And See What Happens.

Lizzie figured she had nothing to lose so she zoomed to page 35. It revealed the number one reason ferrets smell and how you can fix it in five minutes flat (and no, it has nothing to do with “descenting” surgery or giving your ferret a bath).

She didn’t think it could be that easy, but before she knew it the lingering odor in the apartment was gone!

Her husband Rudy was so thrilled he turned right to chapter 11 on training your ferret and teaching him manners. There he discovered the 7 silent techniques that “magnetically” make your ferret want to obey your every command. (Page 91)

Frankly these techniques didn’t work overnight… they took a day and a half.

Since then, Janie’s stopped nipping (which was a huge relief for their toes!) — thanks to their discovery of how to prevent your ferret from biting you using these guaranteed methods proven to work. (Page 104)

And they’ve never had a problem ever again.

These days their friends have no trouble visiting us. And Lizzie and Rudy enjoy how nice Janie is… and you should see how impressed they are when we have Janie do the neat tricks they learned in my guide.

I’ll show you how it can be so easy to care for ferrets in a minute, but first…

The Secrets Of Having A Cuddly, Playful, Well-Behaved And Long-Lived Ferret… Without Having To Spend A Lot Of Cash… And Without Having To Do Much Work!

Rather than having to go through a struggle or have to hire a high-priced consultant, you can simply read what’s in my guide and immediately discover all the advanced secrets contained within…

Some people call it the lazy person’s way to easy ferret care. It’ll save you so much time and worry (not to mention money) that you can start enjoying your ferret right away with zero worries.

Here’s a quick look at just a few of the valuable techniques I’ll share with you:

End poop problems for good. Did you know you accidentally kill the instinct your ferret naturally feels for using the litter box? (99% of ferret parents do it — here’s how to reverse it in under 7 seconds flat). (Page 101.)

How to make sure your ferret will never nip you again. I’ve developed a breakthrough anti-nip technology called TED — and it’s so simple and fun, even your child could do it. (Page 103)

The 7 secrets to making the relationship between your child and ferret a good one. (Page 62)

The “magic trick” of bonding you can start using with your ferret as soon as today that will make your ferret “cuddlier than a teddy bear!” (Page 100)

Did 2 pet ferrets all of a sudden become 13? You’ll discover everything you need to know about breeding ferrets. I lead you step by step through everything from mating… to caring for the pregnant jill (female ferret)… to caring for the kits (babies)… to placing the kits in loving homes once they’re ready. (Chapter 13)

Plus… Learn Exactly What To Feed Your Ferret So He’ll Double His Lifespan.

There’s a powerful new diet developed by biologists that can take the average ferret lifespan of 7 years and increase it to 12 to 15 years.

The best part is that this miraculous diet uses food you can get from your local grocery store. (Page 66.)

Look, it’s very important that you feed your ferret the right foods. This subject can be frustrating (it certainly is for everyone who comes to me), because everyone gives conflicting advice. But your fuzzy’s diet is colossally important — feed your ferret the wrong thing and he can become obese… or even get cancer.

That’s why I provide a complete Ferret Cuisine Guide (see Chapter 7) that will reveal everything you need to know — and then tells you what exactly to do. It’s like having your own ferret expert right there at your beck and call.

You’ll learn about FFAT, which will solve all your diet questions. What is FFAT? It is the 4 unbreakable rules of what you must look for in food labels. You’ll find out what I’m talking about on page 64.

No matter what you want to know about your furball’s diet, you’ll get expert help with:

Which foods to avoid because your ferret can’t digest them. (Page 64)

Whether a high quality kitten food is truly OK for your fuzzball. (Page 65)

Which foods to avoid because your ferret can’t digest them. (Page 64)

The truth about ferret supplements and hairball remedies. (Page 72)

Treats your ferret likes… and that are good for him. (Page 69)

Is it okay to feed your little guy fruit or not? You’ll find out the truth. (Page 70)

That’s Just The Beginning. You’ll Also Discover…

Whether it’s true that ferrets are better off not kept in cages. (Page 47)

An 8-point checklist that will tip you off about whether a ferret breeder is humane and cares about raising healthy ferrets or a crook who’s just in it for the money. (This subject is highly controversial and is definitely not for everyone. Please do not get my guide if you’re offended by some truly raw straight talk about your fellow human beings.) (Page 38)

The 7 crucial rules to rate a ferret’s health before taking him home. Get any of these wrong and it can cause you a ton of heartache… and high vet bills… later on. (Page 29)

How to stop your ferret from using the bathroom in his food bowl ever again.

Which reminds me…

Did You Know There’s An Easy Way To Reduce The Amount Of Cleaning Around The Litter Box And Food Dish By 70% To 80%?

Ferrets can be party animals who love to fling around food and litter like they’re confetti. So you don’t have to be a math whiz to know that keeping the mess to a minimum means you do much less work!

I’ll give you the step by step instructions… as well as showing you places you can get the items you need easily and cheaply (and no, it’s not from the local pet store)… on page 45.

You know, after all that Lizzie and Rudy learned, I teased Rudy that he used to not even like ferrets. But today he and Janie are like soul mates.

And she’s so clean now.

When Janie has to go potty, she goes in the litter box every time. Lizzie and Rudy used to have to clean up a mess every day no matter what they tried, but now that’s in the past.

I’ll Also Let You In On Secrets Like…

My 3-step socialization technology that allows you to introduce your ferret to dogs and cats. (Page 59)

True or false: the cage you have now is too small. (How much space does a ferret really need not only for survival… but to be happy?) (Page 46)

A 1-minute chore most ferret owners neglect, causing their ferret to swallow harmful bacteria. (Page 70)

If your fuzzy has been using his litter box consistently for awhile but then suddenly stops, here’s what to do. (Page 102)

Regular bathing as long as it’s done correctly can reduce the odor by over 90%. Check out page 76 for my simple 8-step bathing system.

Two foolproof fixes to keep food messes to a minimum. Your job will be much easier when your ferret no longer tips over his bowl. (Page 71)

How to take your ferret for a walk without him escaping. (Page 53)

6-step checklist of things you can do before purchasing your ferret from a pet store to ensure you’re buying a well-socialized pet that’s not mistreated. (Page 36)

3 little but powerful actions you can do daily which prevent tremendous odor problems later. (Page 81)

Can a ferret live outside? (Page 46)

The best kind of cage you can make (or buy) for the ferret who’s good at escaping. (Page 47)

A 7-point checklist to make sure the ferret you’re getting doesn’t have hidden medical problems that will cause you agony later on. (Page 29)

Here’s an inexpensive source of ferrets I guarantee you haven’t thought of. You can even get a free cage, bowls, litter box and toys this way. (Page 39)

The 5 questions you must ask when picking out a cage. Get any of these wrong and your ferret will be too crammed in with not enough space… or bored with not enough to do… or even strangle himself. (Page 46)

The potential life threatening illnesses you must be aware of… in order to prevent. (Chapter 11)

How to ferret proof your house using these 9 success strategies, so that you’ll keep your little guy stay safe as he explores. Of course ferrets don’t live forever, but there’s nothing sadder than hearing your kids cry as you bury their ferret who chewed through wires and got electrocuted — and it was all your fault. I will show you how to prevent this from happening. (Page 51)

Where never to put your fuzzy’s cage. (Page 45)

What to do if your ferret starts to sneeze. (Page 119)

How to introduce ferrets to each other… without them harming or killing each other. (Page 55)

How to maintain harmony between your ferret and other small pets like cats, gerbils, pet rats, and hamsters. (Page 58)

What questions you need to ask your vet to find out if they can care for your ferret. (Page 108)

What to do in an emergency. (Page 117)

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That’s right…

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I know. That sounds crazy.

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To A Great Life For You And Your Ferret,

Colin Patterson

P.S. Remember, you have 2 months to review my ferret guide and try out all my strategies to give your ferret a long, wonderful life and build a strong bond with them. You can get a prompt, easy refund at any time in the next two months. And you even get to keep my guide! So what are you waiting for? The sooner you download this guide and discover its secrets, the sooner you’ll improve your ferret’s life.

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titusreno · 6 years

Text

Chapter 2

Reno

The showers in the Caldegot dorm always run hot. While there’s nowhere at Auxie Mautlin where you can rely on cold water coming out of a tap, what I mean is that the showers in Caldegot are almost permanently near-boiling. It sucks during summer but it’s even worse in the winter, since there’s no air conditioning to keep the air in the bathroom cool. But there’s something nice about standing under a really hot, painful shower when you have gravel scratches all over your back. I rubbed the powdered soap into my hair and felt the places where the blood had clumped.

Titus stood outside the shower, watching me.

“Do you think you’re going to get as big as Fib?” he asked. I looked over at where he was standing, wearing his gym clothes because his orange school uniform always smelled too much for his liking after a full day of classes. The white cotton shorts slipped down under his hipbones as he leaned against the towel rack. His socks folded down around his ankles.

I had pine soap in my eyes and had to close them. “I don’t know,” I said. “I gained fifty pounds this year.”

“You did good today,” Titus said. “I thought I was gonna end up hiding Fib’s contraband and licking his toes or whatever, but you did really good.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I think I need to redo the mask soon. There’s a lot of blood on it.” I leaned my head back into the water and knew my skin was getting red where it hit.

“What do you think Fib would be if he wasn’t a tester? Or I guess if he wasn’t a lab kid.” Titus took off his shirt, and I felt a little fun knot tie itself in my stomach. I like the way his chest looks, the little hairs running down the middle in a line. “Do you think he’d be a soldier?”

“I think I need to get to know him more to know for sure,” I said. I let myself reach out to him, and pull him to me through the water. “I bet he would make a good fireman. He could save a lot of lives.”

Titus kissed me. He was still wearing his shorts and his socks, and I could feel his fluffy black hair getting wet. I kissed him back and pressed my face into his cool neck. The hot water ran over us both.

I felt like I was streaking through the sky like an asteroid, as out-of-control as the ship that brought the worm to Earth.

“I bet he’s a decent person,” I said.

The double match with the Littlests and then my match with Fib was the kind of thing that meant that all the Caldegot kids were going to spend the night getting jumped up and crazy. It’s a good thing. I like parties. I remember when I was a Littlest, and before that when I was in my worktown down in the desert, watching the older kids get ready for parties and then listened to them as they made noise all night long with dancing and screaming and clapping and breaking things. There was a big guy named Jof that was like a big brother to me and I remember listening for his voice above everyone else’s while I tried to fall asleep in the crates they used for beds. Sometimes the dataminers would report houses for parties and there would be a crackdown where a few people were moved around or sent away as punishment, but it never stopped anyone. Here we rarely got stopped either. The kids in Auxie Mautlin come from all over but we all remember the parties in our worktowns and we all do the same things whenever there’s the tiniest little thing to celebrate. Something about piggos I guess. There was a lot of the night left, and the dorm monitor was out in the hallway falling asleep reading something from the ecotablet he had at his desk. The dorm monitors don’t make as much stink about parties as they used to. Titus would say it’s because they know that their worms are growing just like ours and they sympathize. I think it’s just people get used to their jobs and by now they know we aren’t going to do anything really dangerous, for the most part.

Jenny was sitting on her floor doing her makeup when Titus and I went over to her room after I showered. Titus’s cotton shorts were still wet and his other pair was being cleaned, but the air in the dorm was so hot that it was probably good to be wet. Jenny looked up when she felt us at the door. Her roommates, Deck and Haiqa, were laying on their bunks, shirts off, fanning themselves with pieces of paper. Someone had hung a wet towel over the window, where it flapped in the thin little wind coming in distantly from Jamaica Bay. We could hear crickets and frogs outside. I could also hear kids in the Alberto dormitory already clapping and banging on their bunks with cups and feet. I wondered if all the kids running out to the park to grab their contraband stashes would get anyone noticed by the night patrol.

“Want some makeup, king lizard?” Jenny asked. She held out a palette of lip shines and eyebrow filler in a pink plastic container. Jenny never lets anyone touch her makeup or art stuff. I looked at Titus, and he grinned at me.

“Are you sure?”

“Totally. Look, you can even use my beeswax gloss. King for a day or whatever. What color do you want?” She gestured and patted the floor next to her.

I sat down and looked at the little stash of makeup spread over the bed. All of it must have either cost Jenny a lot or she must have worked really hard to steal it. None of us are supposed to wear makeup and even if the dorm monitors don’t care and the instructors don’t care, if one of the care providers catches you then they really lay into you and will usually call for someone to come clear out your room and take all your stuff so they can make sure to get all of it. It seems like bullshit, especially because the staff has to know that everyone does drugs that are way more intense than lipstick. Titus would say it’s because they’re scared of how we look with makeup on. But I guess rules help keep stuff from going totally out the window.

I felt myself being really pulled toward a purple plastic tube with gold lettering on it. I opened the cap. I think I expected it to be purple inside, but it was a bright, deep red. I looked at Jenny again, uncertain. “I just rub it on, right?”

“Gently, or it’ll break,” Jenny said. She took the tube from me and pushed it lightly over my bottom lip, then pressed her lips together and gestured to me. I rubbed my lips together and smiled at her. Titus laughed, and Haiqa did too. I offered the tube of lipstick to Titus. He took it and applied it like he’d done it before, which he might have, or he might have just watched Jenny. It looked beautiful on him. But then I always think Titus looks good. I like the way his ears fold on top, and the length of his eyelashes. I like how small he is, too. It’s not good for him to be so delicate—he would hate to hear me say delicate—but he’s like a princess in a storybook, and I love that.

Haiqa sat up. She’s from the desert out in Oklahoma like I am, so she has a big number tattoo on her lower ribcage. Her number is lower than mine because she’s older. “What I want to know is why I didn’t get lipstick when I beat Deck last week,” she said.

“What, and ruin my roommate dynamic? Get it from someone else. If you both want lipstick now you can have it,” Jenny said. She took the lipstick from Titus and passed it back over her head to Haiqa. “I’m feeling real gracious. A girl got wifed up today and is just feeling very happy and positive.”

“A ring and all?” Titus asked. He was looking at his face in one of Jenny’s little mirrors. His hair hangs in dark ringlets around his face when it’s wet. “Was this after I left?”

Jenny did a little dance with her shoulders that meant whatever had gone down it had been good.

“How did it go with Daylun?” I asked. “I’ve never heard her talk.”

“She’s coming over later. I just knew she was gonna be my girl. Ever since she cut her hair. She looks so good, don’t you think?”

“She’s from Manitoba, right?”

“Yeah, up where it’s cold. I bet that why she’s so big, for the cold.”

“Is that why she doesn’t talk?”

“She just doesn’t talk to boys any, really.”

Deck got out her stash of lizzie from under the bed where it was hidden under a tile and shook the plastic baggie. “Anyone want to trip?”

“What, for free?” Jenny asked. “You said it would cost me three Sharpies last time I asked you.”

“Free tonight, as long as we all dance.”

I take lizzie sometimes, though it isn’t exactly a consistent thing because you never know if it will make you happy or really freaked out. The way it distorts things and makes shapes drip and colors change can mess with you if you’re already anxious. I don’t know why it’s so popular here, except that our lives are maybe uglier than most, and maybe we like things to look different, for better or worse. It does make you a lot happier when it’s a good trip. I took a tab from Deck and put it on my tongue.

“I don’t want any,” Titus said. “But thanks.”

It took a while for all of us to get downstairs and start dancing. Everyone had to put makeup on.

The main floor of the building had tables we could sit at after classes or at night before the lights went out, and during parties the tables were where people stomped to make a beat. Our songs go around in a call and response. Some of them have words and sometimes people yell verses and other times we go back and forth just calling out words or names, the names of our dorms or the places we come from. Jenny started out a call-and-clap that was a tradition from when we were in the worktowns, that everyone knew whether they were from Oklahoma or Manitoba or Montana or the tar sands.

“When-are-we-done-today?”

“In-fifty-years!”

“When-are-we-done-tomorrow?”

“In-a-hundred-years!”

I kept looking at my face and Titus’s in the dark mirror of the windows out into the yard. Titus and I danced in the middle for a while. Even when he isn’t high on anything, Titus dances like he is. He throws his arms in the air and spins on one leg and grabs at people around him to make them dance with him. And they do, even if they don’t talk to him other times. He’s a good dancer.

After a while people started to tire out and drift away, and Titus’s knees started to shake from landing hard on the floor, so we moved to find somewhere to sit. In the stairwell we found Benja and Wein, smoking, and so we all sat with them. Daylun saw us from the bottom of the stairs and came up to kiss Jenny. She didn’t talk to the boys and I realized that maybe what had seemed to be shyness on her part was really just a total indifference to boys. She whispered in Jenny’s ear a lot.

Benja and Wein were talking about worms, which isn’t a great subject when you’re trying to start a party and forget, but something they’d taken was making them open up and talk about dark things. I didn’t want to be rude and leave them.

“What’s crazy to me,” Wein was saying, “is that we might be the very last people left, if they can’t figure out how to stop the worm. We might be the very last people.”

“Not the very last. There’s kids younger.”

“I guess the real last ones are the kids that are around now, the little four year old piggo kids. But in fifteen years we might all be dead—us and the scientists-- and the little kids might all be dying and there’d be nobody to run the piggo labs and no more babies would get born. Human or piggo. I hear the labs are having trouble now because the sows are starting to die.”

“Imagine being a human mom,” Benja said. “Imagine thinking you were going to have more babies and then learning you couldn’t and learning your babies were never going to have babies. Imagine seeing your kids die before you.”

Titus looked at him. “What about our moms?” he asked.

Benja looked at him. “What do you mean?”

“How can you get sad about human moms when you know what happens to our parents?” Titus was the only one not stoned and high, and it showed.

“We don’t have moms,” Benja said. “Not really.”

“They had brains the size of ours,” Titus said. “They had eyes like ours, faces and teeth sort of like ours, hearts and lungs and stuff. And they had babies they never saw grow up, again and again and again.”

“For a human mom it has to be worse than it was for them,” Wein said. “That’s what Benja means, Titus. They didn’t have any other way of being. And they never saw any of us. They can’t miss us the same.”

“At least human moms can still grow babies from embryos in fake wombs,” I said to Benja, trying to interrupt before there was a real argument. “There are lots of embryos.”

“But if everyone has the worm, those babies will get it too as soon as they’re out of the sack,” Wein said. “Even if everyone’s dead by that point, the worms will still be here, waiting.”

“But they’re also making the babies from the DNA on the ship. They’re close now, too. Those babies would have antibodies.” I closed my eyes and pictured a little row of marching green babies in the arms of big square robots. “They could save us. Save the world.”

“They said all that when we were Littlests, too,” Titus said. “They keep saying they’ve made an alien baby with human DNA and used the antibodies in its blood to make a medicine that works, and they tell people that the studies we do are with that medicine. But it never works, does it?”

“It might this next time,” I said. “They have to learn from it every time it doesn’t. So next time it might work.”

Titus looked at me with heavy-lidded eyes and raised his eyebrows. I leaned back to look at the colors dripping down from the ceiling so I didn’t have to meet his eyes. Sometimes I don’t know if Titus went through something really bad in his worktown that he hasn’t ever told me about. He’s tougher than I am in some ways but also weaker. He doesn’t care if he gets beaten in a fight. It’s like he expects to lose, waits for it.

“Titus is right. Ms. W said that the new study would be happening by now,” Benja said. “And it’s not.” He sucked on his joint.

“Maybe they should just make the alien babies and leave it there. Don’t make any medicine out of them. I bet the aliens would do a better job on this planet than humans did,” Titus said. He looked over at Jenny and Daylun, and Daylun smiled at him, though she said nothing.

“We don’t even know what the aliens would eat,” Benja said. “Out past Neptune and whatever. We don’t even know that they have plants like we have plants.”

“They have worms.”

“Hey guys. Guys.” Jenny gestured at the ceiling with a long arm. I could tell she was about to try to change the subject, and I was grateful to her. “Is anyone else getting kind of a paisley situation over by the window or is that just me?”

I traced the colors with a finger. “With me it’s more like little birds,” I told her.

Titus was bored and irritated, I could tell. I pulled him to me with my arms across his chest and he settled against my thigh and closed his eyes.

“Sorry I’m tripping,” I said.

“It’s okay,” he murmured. “I had fun dancing.”

We passed the joint around again, and by the time it came back to me and I offered it to Titus, he was asleep. I made my excuses—as best as I could, because my tongue wasn’t totally working to say real words—and carried him up to his dorm. He half woke up on the way and kissed my cheek. I put him under the sheets even though it was too hot out, and I sat next to him for a while, watching the dark of his hair bob like a cresting wave, letting the light remind me of other things the same color. One thing lizzie does is help reorganize your brain so when you’re coming down you start remembering things you hadn’t thought of in years. I thought of Jof, and the deserts out in Oklahoma, of seeing cows, before the cows all died, standing in feedlots chewing and ambling around like nothing was wrong, like the world wasn’t ending. I remembered their brown eyes.

Eventually I was down completely again and I stood up and walked back to my dorm. Nobody else had returned upstairs yet, so I climbed into my bunk and fell asleep, my face turned toward the window so I could see the distant black skyline against the blue sky across the river. I wondered what it had been like when the whole city lit up at night. In the distance, I could see the lights from Jersey making the clouds yellow. A hundred years ago, I thought, the sky over here would have been bright yellow and starless all night.

In the morning I pulled myself out of bed and looked over to where Benja and Wein were sleeping. They were in the same bunk, Wein’s hand and arm sprawled across Benja’s broad chest. Both were just wearing their shorts. It was already hot in the room and I felt sweat prickling on my brow. I could smell the sweat from the night before radiating through the dormitory, sticking to the fifty-year-old walls. I lay in bed, thinking about how it was good that today was the resting day, so I wouldn’t have to do anything much. I had rolled over and was staring out the window when our door-tag blinked and the intercom buzzed to life above us.

“All Caldegot report to cafeteria by ten-thirty. Full facility assembly at eleven.”

Across from me, I saw Benja and Wein stir and sit up.

“What did it just say?” Wein asked. “Did it say full facility assembly?”

“It has to be a study,” I said. I was bolt upright. “It has to be.”

Wein knocked on the frame of the bed. “Knock on wood,” he said. That’s something Ms. Y does, and we started off joking about it but now we treat it like a ritual that works.

There was a rush for the showers all over the floor after the announcement. I made it into one and rinsed for a couple minutes—just long enough to get the crust out of my eyes, and raced back to my dorm to pull out my rest-day jumpsuit. Everyone else was awake by then, and moving quickly. We jogged down the stairwell together in a great green-suited tide. None of us had put on socks. Our feet in the thin white sneakers rattled against the linoleum and then the cement of the courtyard like a thunderstorm. I found Titus only after we were in line for breakfast. We looked at each other and hugged and didn’t say anything, just walked forward. I know I felt like it would jinx the day to say anything. I don’t know if that’s how Titus felt.

Breakfast was rice and egg substitute with greens and cricketbev. The cafeteria workers were wearing masks like they always did, and refused to talk to us, like policy told them to do, but I could tell we were all looking for something in their eyes as we made our way down the line. I think it’s so hard to read their faces even when their masks are off, but I felt like they radiated a certain energy toward us, like this was the start of a new day.

“I’m sorry for what I said last night,” Titus said to me. “I might have been wrong.”

“I hope you were,” I said.

After breakfast the intercom crackled again and they had us move into the long hall which was only used when they were bussing people somewhere. When we were inside, I realized that they had both us and the Fores on the side near the long garage door, where the buses would pull up. I could tell other people were noticing too, and talking to friends about what it meant. They had never taken such a large sample before—never a sample bigger than the total group of Fores. To take the LetLets meant that it would be a bigger study than we had ever seen. I don’t think any of us had any idea what that could mean. We lapsed into uneasy silence, eventually, waiting for someone to come up to the podium at the front of the hall and tell us what was going on.

“As you may have guessed from the change in schedule,” Ms. A said, “Today is the day that our facility has scheduled for eight hundred participants from group A, B, and C to be transported to a New Jersey laboratory to commence a study.”

There was thunderous applause. Ms. A smiled at us.

“Shortly, we will explain the day’s schedule. You will return to your bunks here tonight, however, as the laboratory does not have housing capacity for this number of participants.”

There was a pause as this sank in. Some of us breathed with relief, because even though we all desperately wanted to be part of a study, we didn’t have any real idea of what it was like to live at a laboratory while they were doing one. If it was anything like worktowns, some of us probably would have taken their chances with a worm rather than live in one. Sometimes I thought Titus was one of those people. I looked at him, next to me in one of the small plastic chairs they set out for assemblies. He looked over at me and gave a little nod.

“This is a new study,” Ms. A continued. “The advances that have been made since last year have been significant. As you may know, embryo growth has been a goal of ours for five years. This year, the scientists at Jersey Technical Labs have managed to push growth to full gestation, and as a result have been able to study better the mechanisms of antibodies.” She paused. “Three large tests performed on sows from January of last year to July of last year completely eliminated tapeworms in the test population over the course of six months. You are the next group we are conducting studies with. If this study confirms the results seen in sows, we can proceed to research and development in the general population.”

We clapped hard. She waited for us to stop before continuing.

“I cannot emphasize enough the importance of your participation. This is the moment we have been waiting for. The moment that you help us save the world.”

We had all heard this before, of course, but we all wanted to believe it. I saw Rustler at the front of the room straining forward in his seat. He looked ready to try to save the world. His blue eyes were fixed on Ms. A like she was going to reach down with a golden baton and touch his forehead with it, turning him into someone ordinary.

We had seen the garage doors roll up before and watched the Fores as they were loaded onto the buses. Now we joined them and followed them up the steps. The buses from Auxie Mautlin are white and have solar panels on the roof. They aren’t labeled on the sides, though the parent corporation’s name is printed on the back over the taillights. The staff who directed each group and house on where to go stood at the end of our rows of chairs, their masks on, muffling their speech. Titus and I weren’t on the same bus. He squeezed my hand before we parted.

I hadn’t left the facility since coming from my worktown. After the bus was full and the doors shut, we waited, silent, inside. There were staff coming along as monitors, seated at the front and the back of the bus, and I think we were all too nervous about upsetting them to make any noise or speak, but our heads all turned to the windows as the bus began to roll over the gravel to the edge of the gates around the facility. It was a sunny day, hot like the day before had been, and while the windows blocked some of the light, the blue sky above the bus and the white light bouncing off the cement illuminated the road like a silver ladder stretching down and across the water.

The highway we took was one of the new ones that go over the old crumbling roads of the city. There are places under it where people live in large neighborhoods with no electricity or water except what they collect from rain or with solar panels. The infrastructure for the core of the city in middle and upper Manhattan has been repaired, just like the new white highways have been built over the flooded zones over the last three decades, but as the bus passed over Brooklyn we could see the way that overgrown trees and marsh grass had covered up much of what had been the city. The people who used to live in the neighborhoods down below had moved to Jersey or moved far into the Bronx. It was possible that many were dead now, because of the worm. The things that were left behind were crumbling slowly into the brackish water that had covered all the low-lying ground. It wasn’t illegal to build in the ruins, and from the bus window I could see that the floating houses at the edge of the water took up more space than they had five years before, when we had come to Auxie Mautlin from the worktowns.

Jersey has grown and gotten more full of people. It’s been a big city for a long time, of course, but even in the years since the last time I saw it, it had become more packed. The buildings stuck next to each other like stalks of bamboo or cane sugar. I could see people on the streets, not wearing masks. We were too far away to see the details of their faces.

The laboratory was a long cement building that looked like an outpost of Auxie Mautlin. At the lab, we were all given white shirts and pants to put on instead of the green rest day jumpsuits. They didn’t have us change behind any kind of partition, just had us take our clothes off in the hall and change in front of each other. We still were quiet, because I think we all felt like this was the time it counted most to show that we understood what was expected of us. They sorted us, I think, by gender and age, and moved us around in the entry hall before leading us in through different doors depending on where they had put us. I couldn’t see Titus.

We were led into a room where a woman without a mask spoke to us. She was wearing a white coat but I wasn’t sure if she was a doctor.

“Good afternoon,” she said. “You all are group C-3. We will be giving you each a bracelet stating your group number and identification code. We are going to perform general physicals on each of you before we move you to the next room to be briefed on the specifics of the study. Feel free to specify your name to your physician in order to increase the ease with which we can identify you in our records.”

We were lined up again and weighed. I had gained two pounds since the last physical I had. I wished it was more. I was the same height as the physician standing with me. He was one of the first human men I’d seen since the worktowns. He didn’t have a mask, and his nose was little and flat. He had me take off my shirt, and he checked the number on the bracelet he gave me against the number on my torso.

“Name?” he asked me.

“Reno,” I said.

“You from Nevada?”

“Originally. The lab. It was a small one. I grew up in Oklahoma.”

“They’ve closed the Nevada lab, now.” He looked at his chart. “No headaches, seizures, and no emaciation, right?” He looked at my chest and stomach.

“Not yet,” I said. “I think it says somewhere in my records that they think I was infected around when I was two or three, because of the water. I don’t think the larvae is in my brain yet.” I wanted to make sure he had all the information.

“Right,” he said. He pressed a cold stethoscope to my chest and listened.

In the room they took us to after the physicals were done, the walls were green. There was a picture of a baby connected to a lot of tubes projected onto one wall. The baby looked strange, but not strange like we look. It wasn’t green, but its skin was a kind of deep mottled purple that made it look like it was dying or dead. As we sat down, still quiet, and waited for someone to speak to us, I looked at it closer and realized that was seemed like horrible bruises were just patterns on its skin. It was connected to a breathing tube. Its eyes were very large, though they were closed, so if they were the bug-eyes I thought of aliens as having I couldn’t see.

The same woman in white appeared again to talk to us. She didn’t introduce herself.

“This trial uses antibodies developed from those present in the extraterrestrial humanoid species we have come to know as La Rosa,” she said. “In the last year, we managed to bring a partially extraterrestrial embryo to full term. We created this embryo from the DNA of the two La Rosa extraterrestrials present at the site of the 2043 crash, though we used human and sheep DNA to fill in certain gaps. This trial has produced the most accurate reconstruction of the La Rosa DNA sequence and resulted in a viable infant, with viable antibodies. Without harming the specimen, we have used these antibodies to create an intravenous medicine that will behave in the host system as an anthelmintic. If it behaves in your intestinal tract and brain as it has behaved in the bodies of pigs, it will drive out the tapeworms from the host body.” She took a deep breath and smiled. “If it is successful, BezFarma will be able to move the drug to human trials.”

We shifted in our seats. She seemed to be waiting on something, so we finally started to clap a little. She clasped her hands.

“This trial will last six months. You will be treated twice a week. This is presumed to be more than sufficient, based on studies in pigs. The treatment involves being connected to an intravenous drip for an hour at a time. The medicine will not harm you, though it may provoke some mild immune reactions and inflammation for the first two weeks.”

An image flashed up on the wall of one of the adult starworms, covered in blood, next to the brain of what I guess was a pig. The brain had holes in it.

“In cases where advanced deterioration has occurred, the brain may not return to normal, though the parasite dies. We are still conducting studies into long-term effects on fertility in pigs. However, in most cases where there is larval development but no maturation, neurocysticercosis disappears almost one hundred percent of the time over the course of two to three months.”

We clapped again, more enthusiastically this time. She grinned at us and took a step back before resuming her presentation. I don’t remember much of what she said after that.

The first day, when they stuck the needle into my arm and I felt the cold shock in my vein, I smiled at the woman with the mask who stood over me.

“Thank you so much,” I told her.

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trbl-will-find-me · 7 years

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OTP Q&A

I have been reliably informed that “we have not touched the stars” may have been ... a little too dark. As part one of my ongoing penance, please enjoy some fluff, courtesy of prompts sent to me by @realizin-g

Also, remember that bad end is not canon and these are, in all their ridiculously fluffy glory.

2. Who sleeps in the other’s lap?

[Pre-EEAE]

“We haven’t been on that many planes this month, Elizabeth. How are you sick?”

She sniffles miserably from her position slumped against his side on the couch. “It’s a gift.”

He rests his hand on her forehead, furrowing his brow. “You have a fever.”

“That explains why it feels so cold in here.”

He reaches over her head, pulling the blanket folded on the arm over her.

“Better?” She nods.

He bends down, rifling through his bag for a moment, then sits back up, now with a bottle of aspirin in hand. He unscrews the lid and deposits a single pill into her palm.

“Don’t dry swallow it.”

“I honestly do not have the spit to swallow, let alone swallow a pill.”

He presses a glass of ice water into her hand, and she downs the pill, then passes the glass back to him.

“There’s no way you’re comfortable like that,” he says, eying her.

“ ‘m not getting up stairs.”

“I know you. You’re not getting up at all.” He reaches behind him, grabbing one of the overstuffed throw pillows and setting it on his lap. “You might be more comfortable on that, though.”

She settles onto the pillow, and reaches up a fevered hand, patting his shoulder. “There’s a reason you’re my favorite.”

3. Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?

[Resistance EEAE]

She has considered the possibility that it is purposeful, that he has adopted it as a tactic to keep her off her guard. There’s no way he can’t know. She is not sufficiently discrete.

She has also considered that it is just the muggy, tropical heat gnawing at her judgment.

“Hitting the blacksite in Nigeria would also put us in range of the haven outside of Calabar. They’ve got an engineer who might be able to solve some of the converter issues we’re seeing further south.”

She has always been a tactile person, grounding herself in the reality of touch. Eyes lie; hands don’t. There is muscle under skin, dips and curves to trace with her fingertips. Anatomy has never been her strong point, but there’s always the chance to learn.

“Problem is, Hunter still has a solid grip on the African continent. We’ve had reports of him springing up far and wide, always undetected until the shots start flying. We’re still down senior operatives from the raid on the Forge. We know a retaliation strike is coming; I don’t know that we can afford to have many more benched.”

There are new scars, which is hardly surprising. Twenty years is plenty of time for life to take its toll in times of peace. Times of combat only exacerbate the probability. She can identify shrapnel, and a burn, and something that looks suspiciously like a surgical incision. She wants to know the story of each.

“Commander, are you listening?”

She drags her eyes up to meet his. “Not until you put a shirt on.”

3. Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?

[Pre-EEAE]

He does not know what expects to see when he surfaces, but it is not Elizabeth Regan, shirtless, sitting at the edge of the pool. He gapes for a moment, looking for words.

“Nice bra” are probably not the ones he should have chosen.

She laughs, kicking her feet back and forth in the water. “Finally, I get to show off the best part of my outfit.”

“Are there flowers on it?” is probably an equally poor follow up.

She looks down. “Yeah! I mean, bras are sort of inevitable. Boring ones are not.” She brushes a strand of hair back from her forehead and picks herself up from the edge. “God, it’s humid out here. Water actually feels nice.”

“You’re coming in?”

“When you’ve got the right idea …” She trails off, unzipping her skirt, and letting it fall to the ground.

“Wait, do your underwear match?” somehow manages to fall from his mouth before he can stop it, a trifecta of totally inappropriate commentary.

He is going to need a very cold shower.

15. Which one screams about the spider and which one brings the spider outside?

[Pre-EEAE]

At first, he thinks he is dreaming.

He opens one eye and looks at the clock. 2:06 stares back at him.

Then, the knock comes again.

He sighs, and pulls himself out of bed, only barely remembering to check the peephole.

Lizzie is standing outside, clad in a bathrobe, arms folded across her chest, razor and shampoo in hand.

He opens the door. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“Can I use your shower? There’s a spider in mine.”

He blinks, taking a minute to process the sentence, then stands aside, ushering her in. “Yeah, go for it.” He yawns. “You want me to go take care of the spider?”

“You don’t mind?”

“Nah,” he says, pulling a shirt on. “Go shower. I’ll handle it.”

When she steps out from the bathroom, John is on the phone, and her suitcase is on the dresser.

“Thank you,” he says hanging up, and turning his attention toward her. “It wasn’t just a spider.”

“It was venomous?”

He shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure it was fine, but it was a nest of them.”

She can feel the color drain from her face.

“Can I …” “Left side of the bed is all yours.”

20. Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters?

[Pre-EEAE]

“They gave that man a PhD,” she whispers, horror on her voice.

“They gave that man a command.”

“That doesn’t … are they sure that’s wise?”

He eyes her over his laptop. “Says the woman who doesn’t use capital letters when texting.”

“Hey, just because I take a rather lax approach to the standard rules of capitalization doesn’t mean my texts are incomprehensible. There are semi-colons in our text history.”

“Touché.”

#xcom #fic #commander/central #okay i mean it all fluff for a bit #i got the bad end out of my system

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basicallybing · 7 years

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Get to Know Me (Tag)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag some friends.

Thanks for tagging me, @steve-rogers-best-girl :)

LAST:

1. drink: water

2. phone call: my dad

3. text message: my dad

4. song you listened to: i think Holding On To You by twenty one pilots

5. time you cried: a couple hours ago

HAVE YOU:

6. dated someone twice: lol joke’s on you i haven’t even dated someone once ha. ha. ha. ugh.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: i haven’t ever kissed someone at all lol what are these questions

8. been cheated on: in a competitive game of pokemon maybe but yall i havent dated what is happening

9. lost someone special: i mean i once had a toxic friend and i super duper got rid of her i guess but like thats it

10. been depressed: never been diagnosed but im pretty sure i’ve had depression since around third grade (but that’s a story for another time)

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: ew???? i’ve never even drank alcohol why am i answering these questions ew

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. white

13. various blues and teals

14. golden yellow

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

15. made new friends: yep!

16. fallen out of love: platonically with a toxic-as-heck friend yeah

17. laughed until you cried: absolutely!

18. found out someone was talking about you: yep

19. uhh ya skipped 19 so idk what to put here lol

20. found out who your friends are: yeah

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: sErIoUsLy? *face palm*

GENERAL:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? i dont have a facebook

23. do you have any pets? yep, a doggo!

24. do you want to change your name? y e s p l e a s e ! ! ! ! !

25. what did you do for your last birthday? had some of muh frens over

26. what time do you wake up? for school at like 5:30, but over the summer i’ve been waking up around 9ish

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? crying

28. name something you can’t wait for: a month ago i would have said Pokemon Go Fest but nope i got my hopes up for that like usual and of course i cant go uh i cant wait to get a desk finally i dont have a desk *shrug*

29. when was the last time you saw your mom? *shouts down the hall* “hi mom!”

30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life? i’d like a whole new wardrobe that magically made me look thinner and happier all the time and that allowed strangers to see me for me and not me for some slouch who wears sweatpants all the time bc i dont have any other clothes that dont cripple me with dysphoria lmao woot woot

31. what are you listening to right now? primarily Regional at Best by twenty one pilots bc its calming for me

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom? actually??? im not sure...?? i’ve definitely talked to a few thomas-es but none of them go by tom *shrug*

33. something that is getting on your nerves: when my mom says we can’t afford to buy me a desk but then she goes out and buys other decor for the house

34. most visited website: probably youtube, netflix, instagram, and tumblr if you include the use of apps

35. any moles? nope

36. any birthmarks? none of which i’m aware

37. childhood dream: not sure. i always wanted to be a superhero like spider-man and whatnot i guess.

38. hair color? brown

39. hair length? short

40. do you have a crush? do fictional characters count? if so, yes -- peter parker, ben wyatt, and chandler bing

41. what do you like about yourself? i’m nice.

42. any piercings? just the basic earlobe piercings, but i never wear anything in them. i’m surprised theyre still open.

43. blood type? crap i need to ask my mom about this. it’s good to know for safety reasons.

44. any nicknames? anything you know me as on here is technically a nickname because i go by my birthname everywhere else... sooo, yeah. chandler is a nickname. i also get addressed as ‘???’ and as ‘Q,’ which is just short for “question marks” bc idk what my name should be but yep i go by chandler for now i guess *shrug*

45. relationship status: jealous

46. zodiac: aries

47. pronouns: they/them are preferable but i never correct people if they use anything else bc i’m just so accustomed to my own confusion

48. favorite tv show: agh i guess Parks and Rec is my number-one, but i also love Friends, The Good Place, Agents of SHIELD, Daredevil, and Legion (which cRaP i need to finish watching)

49. uh yeah i think you skipped this one too

50. righty or lefty? righty

51. any surgeries? nope

52. ever dye your hair? I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

53. favorite sport? to play? basketball. to watch? football. although if my family was more into hockey i bet i’d love that.

54. hgfdskgfskjfhskjf you skipped this one too

55. dream vacation? honestly, i don’t care where we go as long as it’s somewhere out of the country and i get to travel with my friends in an evan edinger sorta way, you know?

56. favorite pair of sneakers? i mean?? i only have the one... it’s a nike hyperdunk i think? like, an older one? idk theyre comfy

57. eating: nothing right now...

58. drinking: i mean i have water next to me so like i guess water is my answer

59. about to: hurry the heck up and finish answering these questions lmao

60. you skipped it

61. ........

62. want: to travel and to be happy

63. ever going to get married? if i do, it won’t be a huge ceremony. it won’t be religious. and it will have to be to somebody very, very special to me.

64. career: i’m a student right now

65. hugs or kisses? if i have to choose, hugs, but please don’t hug me without asking and dont be offended if i say no. i’m really uncomfortable about physical contact.

66. lips or eyes? eyes 1000000%

67. tall or short? i’m short.

68. older or younger? what’s this question...? im confused and don’t know how to answer it tbh

69. there’s no question here

70. nice arms or nice stomach? me? neither lol im Ugly

71. sensitive or loud? if you’re close with me, you’re the lucky people who know i’m both

72. hook up or relationship? EW DEFINITELY RELATIONSHIP IM SO ASEXUAL

73. troublemaker or hesitant? this makes it sound like it’s bad to not be a troublemaker. i’m not a troublemaker but its not because im hesitant. it’s because im a good person. and i dont mean to imply that troublemakers arent good people, but im not either of those things...???

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. kissed a stranger? i h a v e n e v e r k i s s e d a n y o n e .

75. drank hard liquor? i a m u n d e r a g e .

76. lost glasses or contact lenses? no, but i’ve broken my glasses before

77. turned someone down? unless you include that time that i was asked out as a dare, no.

78. had sex on the first date? i h a v e n e v e r b e e n o n a d a t e a n d i a m a s e x u a l .

79. broken someone’s heart? not that i’m aware of

80. had your heart broken? yeah, by that Toxic Person who i mention all the time. it wasnt a romantic thing but i hate that person with a burning passion i cannot even bEGIN to tell you

81. been arrested? no definitely not

82. cried when someone died? in real life? . . . no. no one close to me has died. but i have cried at fictional deaths

83. fallen for a friend? kind of but not really idk its complicated and not worth it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. yourself? on good days

85. miracles? not unless by “mircales” you mean “coincidences”

86. love at first sight? not for myself, but maybe for someone who is more into looks. and i dont mean that negatively but like thats just not really my kinds thing necessarily.

87. santa claus? well considering i was raised jewish but am currently atheist imma have to say no

88. kissing on the first date? i’ve never been able to experience what kissing or dating is like but if it feels right for someone then i have nothing against it

OTHER:

90. current best friend names: katie, claire, lizzie (i tag posts with their names when stuff reminds me of them hehe)

91. eye color? brown

92. favorite movie? i loved that new Spider-Man: Homecoming film, but Guardians of the Galaxy has always been one of my go-to movies, so probably GOTG

i tag anyone who wants to do this bc frankly im lazy and dont feel like tagging anyone heh lol

#mine #tag meme #me

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