#honestly life is so sad and stuff makes me so sad

[strangestofthings12]

This is going to be a very rambling and venty post cause im tired and annoyed and honestly am just using this to vent my anger/hurt. there is going to be stuff that can maybe be seen as anti tommy/bucktommy (please dont tell me a ship name to put i dont care about if they do have an agreed upon ship name right now) so if you dont want that please just move on. i dont want to fight i just want to yell into the void on a stupid throw away account so i dont bring my negativity stew and come out on my main blog where i just want to enjoy my stuff and just keep happy energy. I dont normally post and try and just find someone who explains it better because im not great and getting what im saying across or understood the way i want, so please bear with me. With that said i will move on to what i want to say

Okay so i have been watching 9-1-1 for years and i love and adore it. Its characters and dynamics and i have always loved found family. Now i will admit that i started watching it thinking that Buck and Eddie were a couple and had a son so i was kinda watching for it. Do i think if i didn't start watching thinking that i would ship them still yes 100%. I have always loved their relationship and i have loved watching both Buck and Eddie grow and start to be happy while also having each others back even at the worst times. Sometimes if i think to hard about Eddie and start crying cause I'm very normal about this show and it characters. Now Eddie is my favorite character in the show and at least in my top five overall favorite characters. I love him and his development and i adore seeing how much he does to just do right by Chris even when he messes up you can tell how much he adores that boy and how badly he wants to give Chris the best life possible. I could write essays about Eddie Diaz trying to explain how much i love him and why and i think words would run out before i could finish making people understand. Buddie is my favorite ship (sometimes second depending on my mood. i would say sorry but Henren and Madney will always be amazing ships and sometimes i just cant stop think about them)(Sorry Bathena i love you too i swear i just cant decide if i wanna kiss athena or be adopted by bobby and athena:( Its confusing) and has been for quite awhile and is one of my overall favorites and its one of my comfort ships.

With that context when bi Buck happened i was so insanely happy and i wouldnt shut up about it. it made me sick. i was so happy for Buck and while i think a part of me will always be a little sad Eddie wasnt his first kiss with a guy i dont think either of them are ready for that. i also understand that it wouldnt make sense for how the story is going right now. Now i have nothing against bucktommy in the show. I have watched the kiss scene and sobbed to much to pretend like i hate them or even dislike them. However I genuinely dont care about Tommy. Hes kinda bland and i forget about him half the time and before they brought him back i completely forgot his name. in my mind he was the one that wasnt as much of an asshole to chim and hen as the other two assholes which wasnt saying a lot. Now I dont dislike tommy nor am i going to act like hes irredeemable because neither Chim nor Hen seem to think hes still that guy and while they dont seem super close they seem to get along so clearly, he's not like that anymore. I have nothing that makes me dislike him nor do I like him. He's just there. He's just the guy buck kissed. Thats all he means to me. I would give up his screen time for Ravi or May or Karen in a heartbeat. because i love them cause they mean something to me. I don't think i thought about the fact that people might actually like him especially not more than EDDIE.

This is where the context matters cause i am to my core a one ship per person girly. I might see a ship and people who like it and even think thats not a terrible ship but i will still only look at content for my ship for that person (ie. i ship Destiel (dont say anything bad about them ill cry<3) but i can see the way someone would also ship Dean and Benny or crowley or Cas and Crowley or Mick but i will ignore the ship and move on and look at more Dean and Cas). normally i will just ignore the ship and move on because im not who its for. If it gets annoying in my tag or anything like that ill block it or whoever is annoying me cause its not a them problem that i dont want to see it. When i start to have a problem is when multiple people arent tagging right for whatever reason or people who are being rude about the ship i like because of their ship. When I started seeing Bucktommy stuff more and more in the 9-1-1 tag i went to the buddie tag cause i dont want to see them. my problem is that when im reading on AO3 and click on a fic tagged Buddie where bucktommy get married. it was literally just hurting Eddie. There was stuff before like id be scrolling though the buddie tag here and see someone saying that Tommy is a better character then Eddie and saying that they hope bucktommy is endgame. Whatever block and move on. Just like always but then people who have shipped buddie for years who ive seen talk about them are suddenly saying that they like bucktommy better. People who started watching because of bucktommy saying they dont like Eddie. People are going to have different opinions but it still bugged me. and then i read that and i was just hurt because it was tagged happy ending and i cannot fathom ever thinking Eddie hurting and pining is a happy ending. So i started to get more annoyed and i hate when that happens especially with a show i love and a character i dont dislike so i tried to just move on but more and more people are taking about it then i saw someone saying that they wanted eddie to die so buck and tommy can have Chris.

I just hate that so many people are jumping on the bucktommy train and saying that they like it better than buddie something that is so good and sweet or saying that they like Tommy more than Eddie. I just dont get it cause Tommy is boring. like yeah we now some about him and he flies a helicopter but hes forgettable he could be a completely different person and next to nothing would have to change. We have seen Eddie at his worst and claw his way back up and hes finally letting himself be open and honest and soft. Eddie couldnt be replaced. Now im not saying Tommy can't be an interesting character but as he is right now?? He just isnt. Hes just as bland as every women (minus Taylor and Shannon) Buck and Eddie have dated and been hated on for no reason!!! Like i get that Tommy is a guy and we got canon Bi Buck and people are happy but those same people turn around and shit on Marisol from what ive seen(I could be wrong cause again i have done my best to avoid). Buddie fans arent safe from that either, cause we all know that Buddie fans do that but so many of those people who hated on them and said they didnt want them with anyone else suddenly decided that they were okay if Buck ended up with any guy. I dont know its just weird and i hate how many people are acting like Eddie isnt always going to be better then Tommy. Part of me wanted Tommy to stick around and help Buck and Eddie figure it all out but now?? i honestly just cant wait for him to be gone cause I want to have fun and read fics for my comfort ship and just chill where i can see all of my ships in the show without buck and tommy being everywhere or people saying crap about Eddie.

I have more to say but most of its about how gratifying waiting and seeing where this whole thing goes(Buddie season 8 PLEASE!!) and this is already why to long and i think im just going in circles and none of this makes sense so ima shut up for now and hopefully this will help it not fester and drive me insane and become a tommy hater

Edit: but i also hate that Tommy calls Buck Evan so he already had some stuff against him rip

#911 #buddie #anti bucktommy #i guess?? #i dont know #i dont know what to tag this and just hope i dont upset anyone #anti tommy kinard #again i guess #but not really?? #let me know if i need to add any tags:)

[strawberryseeded]

.

#honestly life is so sad and stuff makes me so sad #sometimes i just have to (HAVE to) take some time to reflect on stuff #try to see what ive learned in a certain amount of time. things i got right. things i got wrong #i dont always enjoy it but i need to do it #yesterday & today as well i was in one of those reflection moods #and i concluded (not for the first time) that i have a really REALLY hard time moving on from the bad stuff #especially bad stuff *i* did or bad stuff i witnessed and couldnt do anything about #sometimes even silly little mistakes that arent rly that trascendent. i just get upset anyways #thats why ive been trying to appreciate the good stuff in my life more. it really helps honestly #but i still get very depressed sometimes #cant get certain thoughts or memories out of my head for days and days and weeks and months #some of them ive had for more than 10 years. not everyday but at least periodically #im scared to never be able to move on from them #and im scared of them piling up more and more bc i WILL keep fucking up and i will keep encountering sad things and sad ppl in my life #im scared of the inability of my brain of getting past that #bc reflecting is GOOD. thinking abt stuff and feeling stuff (even when its a sad or angry feeling) is GOOD and healthy!! #thats why i wont give up on that. never. its an important thing to do. i look at the past and present and try to learn from it #but often i get stuck in all the bad stuff and its hard to see the good. i cant forget or move on #am i gonna be like this forever #? #di4ry

[sysig]

Some more Just Desserts pets, and thinking about Candy Mers again (Patreon)

Also ft. the pigeon study I did, what a cute bird!

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Been thinking about the JD pets a lot lately actually I'd really like to make a size chart sometime #But honestly a lot of it was motivated by thinking of a pet to give Cherry Shortcake - a merengue pigeon! #I know I love birds and really enjoy drawing birds but I honestly wasn't expecting to have so much fun and be as pleased as I am haha #What a cute! Love that ♪ #She doesn't have a name or an ADS chart yet but she does have the appearance upgrade so she's won at least a couple battles lol #She's a plain no-bean vanilla merengue but Cherry Shortcake opted to make her matching so she's got a cherry ''filling'' on her chest #To mimic bleeding-heart pigeons! It's very cute and highly symbolic lol #She is cute ♪ #Then a pet idea I had months ago but never got around to because I lost the inspiration source! D: #I swear I saw a YouTube thumbnail at one point of a very chubby rain frog that looked like a mochi lol but I can't find it ;; I've looked! #But it's still an adorable idea so mochi frog hehe #And then the Candy Mer stuff ♪ I legit forgot I'd called them Candy Mers and not just mercandies at one point lol #Both of the links are related because it's more worldbuilding - the second one is kind of more relevant? But it all is so #I mentioned very briefly about mercandy death at one point but never elaborated because it made me sad haha #Still true but I thought about it a bit more! About the ''natural springs'' part - once a body of water is fully saturated with sugar - #The sugar-breakdown of a mercandy's body changes from a complete breakdown to a partial breakdown - little pieces slough off and float up #Once they fill with air they turn into gummy aquatic life or - ''jelly fish'' hehehehe ♪ Which is how natural fish occur! #Depending on how big a mercandy is before she dies her body may turn into a whole school! The shape and texture is random tho haha

[skeletalheartattack]

i did an insane deep dive into why the last tf2 comic never launched and im pretty sure its for a fairly mundane reason - the artist and the writers ended up all getting too busy with other projects. this is at least what theyve said publicly. the artist has a blog on here she doesnt really post much on anymore but i cant recall the url at the moment. sadly the fact that the creatives all got too sucked in2 other projs is the most Valve reason ive heard for the the tf2 comic staying unfinished

yeah no that lines up, similar to how TF2s core dev team split off into working on stuff like Dota 2 after MVM shipped or so. it honestly makes me really sad to realize that even devs have burnout on such a scale within a company like valve. i definitely get why it happens, TF2 is their oldest actively supported multiplayer game, it's hard to keep motivated when this game's been running hard since 2007.

#ask #anon #(also i mean actively supported as in valve still push content updates to it) #legitimately it makes me so sad. ive grown up with TF2 for a lot of my life and it makes me sad to know we probably wont see certain things #and all the leaks from the dev repo as of late cant make anyones motivation over there any better i feel #it really sucks honestly #i dream a lot about tf2 stuff. from content updates to maps and weapons #or i mean like sleep dreams #''would you be excited for a TF3?'' i dont think you can recreate what TF2 had and make something better #like. i dont feel like you could ever encapsulate the magic of what TF2 is. in its artstyle. its humor. its gameplay. #hell theres not much you can improve upon with TF2. so making a sequel is like making overwatch 2 #but i do think its nice that community support for the game is still strong. like maps and custom tf2 mods and sfuff like that. #so im gonna leave my tags on that positive note #thank you for the research anon. i think i set my hopes a little too high in expecting it couldnt release because of a content patch #maybe someday that burnout will fade and well see issue 7 some day

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[yumeyleo]

on another note, i really wish i could stop feeling like this

#and on a different note: im feeling okay right now #i feel okay i feel content-ish #i know im failing a lot of stuff (and i know i cal fix it) #i know ive made pretty shitty decisions in life #and i know i keep making them #but im fine with it right now #and i want to . make it all better #but then later the fuckign. random ass sadness hits snd i feel like its all hopeless and i feel like i shiuld die #and honestly it feels mid kinda sucky 3/10 would not recommend #but genuinely. j wish i coukd stop feeling like that #and i wish i could get the strength to be kind and to fix what ive broken #anyways im gonna go look for a magical fairy so they can cure me

[zemnarihah]

just paid 50 bucks for a slowdive ticket at this juncture in my life they are probably the only band that can get me to do that

#most concert tickets in my area are like 25 dollars max at least the shows i go to bc there is not a big demand for more alt leaning music #so to be paying double that.... slowdive u are lucky. that u made the album just for a day and that that changed my life otherwise i would #be SCOFFING at that price. ig they also appeal a lot to the more hipstery indie crowd rather than just the goffs. so that makes sense ig #my friend (skuppy guy) is going to have moved to las vegas by then and hes literally driving up to go w me... the one we're going to is lik #8 hours away from vegas lmaoooooo #im v sad abt him moving i think when i met him i had posted abt it saying that i though he had talked to me bc he was trying to hit on me o #smth which.. i still have my suspicions just bc. how many guys will talk to a girl they dont know and ask for her number and stuff for #just pure friendship reasons... but honestly i also feel like we both just rlly needed a friend that we have music stuff in common with. he #very into the 'scene' or whatever like he goes to concerts all the time but as far as i can tell he goes to most of them alone unless i go. #so its nice for both of us to have eachother as friends.... so im v sad that hes gonna be leaving:( i thought i finally had someone to do #that stuff with :( but he has family here and stuff so supposedly hes gonna be in town a lot hopefully we will go to shows when hes here #maybe i will just have to go to shows alone again and make another friend. but im.... not good at talking to ppl first. it was v much #a stroke of luck to have had him talk to me and not be a creep lol #:p anyway im v excited for slowdive.... thats my band.....like thats the band i like.

[nmzuka]

Sucks I started this month wanting to do a BUNCH of holiday themed drawings and I've just hardly gotten to draw at all...

#zuka rambles #story if life I guess haha #work just makes me exhausted #and then any time I do have I want to spend the holiday time with my family #i just dont have it in me to only spend like an hour on drawing #drawing is a multi hour event for me unfortunately... #honestly I should try and break that... #I'm also just sad cause im like #I MISS MY BLOBOS!!! #and who will draw stuff of them if not me??? #i crave #so I must create 😤

[teethcore]

her: is there anything i can do to make you feel better?

me, lighthearted and half joking: move to atlanta with me?

her, immediately aggressive: you do not want to move to atlanta.

me: ...

her: [immediate ramblings about south bad north gud including talking points where things the pnw supposedly is getting right are social services that are actively failing and affecting her personally]

#is it sad that i can't even get angry? #everything else right now is just #immediately filling me with the burning white hot can't see straight rage #she... is not having that effect #when this stuff happens i feel hollowed out and just. #defeated #it really is like i'm not real to her #she doesn't look at me and see adam she looks at me and sees her boyfriend #does that make any sense? #not that that's a bad thing #i just mean like. #she doesn't see me outside of that at all #there's nothing to me as a person besides being her partner and carer #y'know what's sad? she's not even wrong honestly #i don't have a life outside of her at all #maybe that's why i can't even be angry #how can i expect her to see and treat me as my own separate person #when i don't even treat myself like one #ugh. #anyways. it just fucking sucks so bad right now i feel like i can't say anything to her #nothing is good enough for her anyway so i guess it doesn't matter #echoes from the void

[goldentigerfestival]

god i just. the sheer fucking hurt in his voice. feeling so used. so untrusted. had a bounty on his head that wasn't even his fault and he still won't be told him the truth and estelle, too, still hides things from him after he helped her and they'd been traveling together. not only that, but the empire is too busy having its own internal issues to pay attention to its own suffering people.

i hate seeing him so upset, that's my baby boy.

more feelings in the tags

#GTF Vesperia Clips #and like. I don't blame him. regardless of if they became friends along the way she DID kinda use him #and yet still after even realizing it was her fault he had a bounty on his head didn't tell him the truth #and even now won't tell him the truth. like. even after he saved the PRINCE #nobody will tell him the truth/what's going on. he always pretends not to care abt that stuff #like in Heliord when he says smth similar but here you can rly tell it DOES bother him that #he does all this for them and and knows as much as he does but nobody will tell him a thing #and rly I think Ioder realized that and I think this scene with his voice clearly expressing hurt rly helped that #bc when they DO get to Heliord Ioder understands he already knows enough anyway to tell him things #but this scene I think rly does express that Yuri absolutely cares how he's treated/how ppl see him #bc I think in this scene he feels like after everything he's just /some guy/ and ofc that would hurt #technically Flynn can't say anything without their go ahead but I think the fact that he also #doesn't try to convince them to trust Yuri in this case also added to the hurt #bc at this point how ''public'' is he? how much of a ''regular civilian'' is he to them? #it's like. just. not being trusted by anyone despite proving himself to be trustworthy #I do feel like Ioder in Heliord was kind of the reason this wasn't brought up again #bc he did seem to come to the conclusion after seeing this that yeah Yuri's not just some guy to them #if he'd ONLY saved Ioder that'd be one thing but he'd been keeping Estelle safe and he's Flynn's best friend #and Yuri is completely right to be hurt here bc there's no reason not to just /tell/ him #they know he's not gonna do anything with the information or get involved and try to manipulate anything #LISTEN IT JUST. makes me so sad to see him feeling so betrayed by literally all three of them in this moment #I mean I kinda get Ioder not saying anything right away bc he prob needed to be more briefed on everything #hence why by the time they all were in Heliord it's like okay well yeah why are we bothering keeping things from him #but at that time he'd saved the guy's life and he didn't even speak up for Yuri #and I think that hurt too. listen this makes me FEEL things ;_; #ALSO? honestly that must have felt like such whiplash with Flynn going from #being HAPPY things calmed down for Flynn and that he was more relaxed to just #Flynn not speaking up for him when neither candidate will trust him. buddy. my boy is hurtin'...

[ibyul]

.

#ew not me finding disgustingly cheesy stuff I wrote #in the DRAFTS of this blog #right infront of my salad #like. a zombie(?) with no heart and a doctor who the zombie goes to once a day to have his heart checked lol #god i gotta delete these i swear #the thought of anyone receiving my laptop if god forbid something happens to me and then reading these is so mortifying to me #i rlly gotta delete these #do you want to hear the menu of these nonsense posts: #1. we got mr. no heart zombie w/ high body temp and his anemic heart doctor #2. miss palace botanist/healer and her annoying student who ends up being the second prince lol #3. cheerful oblivious guy and some one who views him from far as a thorn that causes hemorrhage #i think i just combined all my fears and horrors into dumb tragedies. fears: unwise relationships. the medical field. unrequited love #sorry to 2016-2019-me... i am deleting ur stuff. i mean. im glad u found some place to project your fear and sadness into. #What better coping method than to turn the story of you and your love for science into an unrequited love tragedy and personifying medicine #listing them here as I delete them because. I want to hold on to them for a few more seconds #4. a stupid long poem that makes it sound like I had a secret relationship but in actuality this is abt how in college- #-my physics lab professor used to abandon us in the lab without giving us instructions so we had to spend hours figuring everything out #honestly im gonna let go of these #they're all from a rough time in my life of studying and feeling like a failure and like I couldn't do anything right #there's no use in revisiting them and feeling bad abt it #delete later

[be-good-to-bugs]

why havent i been talking to the much much cooler and better older sister who is a furry and super nice and fun to talk to and cares about my opinions and feelings instead of the one who cant respect boundaries and makes me feel like a mistake and doesnt care abt how i feel

#the bin #shes also the only normal person in my family #and when i say normal i mean it in a treats other people with respect way not in a societally normal way #cause she the least 'normal' of my family in that way. which is a good thing. be a freak. autism makes u cooler by default #idk. she sthe only person who i feel like actually cares about me and my opinion and wants to hear what i have to say and views me right #i wish we talked more when i was younger. shes so nice. i hope when i move we can houngout together more and maybe watch some movies #and talk abt stuff or smth. we r probably gonna play some games together soon which is nice #i miss her. i think i can also talk to her abt how our other sister kinda sucks. i know she views her pretty highly or at least used to but #i still think i can. i dont think itll make her uncomfortable. #ive been looking over the past years with my other sister and they havent really been any good mostly #ive just been so isolated and sad that it was better than nothing but its past that point now #if id had other people to talk to then i wouodnt have soent so much time with someone making me feel worse #i also think shes just made me a worse person overall. more judgemental. the past year ive become very against that trying hard to not #and she gets very upset with me when im like hey. yknow. id rather assume the best of random strangers not doing anything that bad #i dont wanna assume everyone is an inconsiderate asshole because they arent. life circumstances we dont know about could be #the reason for this honestly pretty mild inconvenience. if u wanna think otherwise then thats fine but dont day it around me #idk. im tired of it. im still super sad but ive become a much more bright and hopeful person because im trying to be #it actually sucks to view the whole world as horrible and everyone around you ass horrible #idk. maybe i can get my other sister to do the fun stuff with me i dont like doing alone #cause it makes me unbelievably sad to realize i dont have anyone to ask anymore at all. period. but maybe it doesnt have to be that way

[nuclearnyx]

it’s been a weird couple of weeks lemme tell ya

#I went to nyc for a milestone birthday and it was AMAZING to go to moma I don’t feel I belong 99% of places but I belonged there #but also it was a nightmare for me physically and I had numerous breakdowns because of it #literally HAVING to sit down on the sidewalk in front of Central Park because I was so tired/dizzy/sick was a lot #like I knew things were bad but I didn’t know they were THAT bad #people were staring (for real not anxiety brain because fiancé noticed too) and it was really a weird experience #I’ve been feeling it BIG TIME since and I’m just……….I was so sad honestly #it just made me really sad and worried about the future #like this is an IMPORTANT hurt but still #and the second I got home I had to be a caretaker for a parent because of an injury (they’ll be fine) #(tbh it’s not much more than usually expected of me but after that trip I haven’t had a SECOND of peace) #got an art rejection I really wanted but I’ve got a TON of stuff to do and apply for and it’s just like #I know I’m good enough to make it I just don’t know HOW with my physical stuff and everything #ANYWAYS just a bunch of major life things happening and I’m feeling very much about it

[swagging-back-to]

also as much as i want it to be as impactful as the first movie it honestly just isnt. the emotional scenes dont even compare to the first movies. i wish they spent more buildup before they showed the burning of the forest, that way the (imo) most emotionally impactful event wont happen within the first 6 minutes of the movie.

i cry every single time i watch the first movie, multiple times throughout the movie, and i've honestly watched it over 4,000 times. i've watched the second movie four times now and it hasnt made me cry even once...

#like yeah theres more stuff happening and theres more shown #but there's less substance. #everything happens so quickly that you have no time to actually attach to the characters or to the events. #the clip of ronal screaming 'what is this' honestly made me laugh every time i saw it #the first time i watched the movie in full the scene was more emotional than funny i'll admit but it still didnt make me cry #idk #i feel like it should've been longer. #i would gladly sit through 4 hours if it meant sufficient character development and worldbuilding #honestly the only one who really makes me emotional in this movie is neytiri. throughout the entire movie she is just suffering and it's so #sad to watch how her life crumbles because her mother put her in charge of taking care of a manbaby #but i dont cry along with her i simply feel empathy for her #meanwhile in the first movie im sobbing every other frame. #avatar wotw

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

maybe there's sort of like a grimy look and feel to them that i get? it's more haunting, especially from a perspective of now. i'm sad about a lot of things that happened years ago to me. i guess it's kinda soothing??

#i always easily become super interested in things with high emotions #which also means super sensitivity #which weirdly still made me seek out stuff that got me morbidly fascinated with it #considering i didn't find out a lot of traumatic shit that i was protected from by my parents #it makes a particular kind of sense that despite my sensitivity i still sought out this stuff #because i hated feeling so naive and sheltered and oversensitive #and honestly so much of the stuff i've grown to love as a result #of course in other ways #this led to stuff i end up talking about in therapy #always makes me think #horror #films #vintage stuff often makes me feel a lot more for the past i guess #and it makes me sad how cynical i am of the oversaturated capitalist media #that i realise how upset i am at how close and yet so far away the traumatic events in my life are #and that i will never be able to change them #the worst feelings comes from this shit happening in my teenage years #my young pivotal teenage years #my youth #everything just spills out more and more every day #it's all so scary and real #personal #trauma #mental illness #abuse tw #rant

[cinnamonghost]

Blephhhh

#bam.Sara not going to ever really post I/Z stuff anymore :[ which is like understandable . you do not control your hyperfixation . #your hyperfixations control you #sad because their art and fanfiction was like. THE thing that got me into I.Z #oh well it's super cool how their art and fanfics kind of...... let the community thrive ? not sure how to word it #OH RESURGENCE.... that was the word! #like EVERYONE that knows about z.adr KNOWS about their fanfics n stuff #honestly really cool ! #their work on like every media is so amazing... always gets me hooked on their stories and ideas #never in my life would I be blushing at the thought of a sun. x y./n being lovers. adorable #<- and moon too #thinking about like I.Z fandoms n stuff I guess #I guess my . love? for I.Z Faded in a way too #if you followed me 2 years ago I am deeply sorry for my I.Z reblog spam (NOT!!!!!!) #I still. really like it . but like not as much as compared to me 2 years ago. #I have other interests too....! which is honestly pretty awesomesauce #thinking too deep about fandoms. #how it's inevitable that you will lose interests in it. find something else you enjoy #crazy to think about #but kind of cool consuming so much time and energy on a media simply because you enjoy it. enjoy what people make from it. really cool! #amelia stop talking challenge