#holy fuck its long

[unearthlyfromage]

Une's Nonsensical Ramblings Episode 2: Reverse Falls

This one is a weird one. I enjoy some of the concepts, the general idea is great, however I find I don't like the whole 'Dipper and Mabel are mean and kill people' thing (and also just, a whole lot of the AUs general elements. Murder is cool but lets not with the niblings). So, I'm deciding to remake the whole thing because. I dunno. I can. My general idea is this; What if the talisman Gideon uses and becomes corrupted by in show, was found by Stan and Ford in their kid years? They found two of them in the wreckage of what would eventually become the Stan O' War, locked away in a rusty old chest. Just like Gideon, using it taints the user and whitens the hair (another gripe I have with typical Reverse Falls content - Gideon's hair was not always white, that's a side effect of the pendants influence, so therefore his hair should be brown in that AU). Stanley and Stanford, become thick as thieves as they grow up with the talismans influence. As they grow into teens they set their sights on power and money. Why be a scholar when you could be a King? Why be a ruffian when you could be a Lord? That sort of mindset. The worst parts of the personality become heightened with the talisman, so Stan's questionable morals dips ever lower and Fords light apathy to society greatly worsens. Stan's kleptomania is damn near impossible to control and his impulsivity is greatened, his loyalty to Ford becoming almost toxic in nature. He'd do anything for him, even murder if he was asked. Ford stops caring about the general populace. But he does care about Stan, they're a dynamic duo, and Stan's the only person he really trusts. His ego is bigger than ever and he's got one hell of a mean bone in him. The science fair project is never broken in this AU, because Stan believes wholeheartedly that Ford would never abandon him. I imagine they depend on each other a lot. Perhaps the talisman Ford wears is telepathic in nature, while Stans is telekinetic. Ford can manipulate the astral plane, but Stan can manipulate the physical plane. Thus they need each other. Ford goes off to West Coast Tech, and Stan follows suit, starting shady practices to get rich. Unlike canon, Stan is successful in his endeavors. Once they've both become partially satisfied with themselves, Ford insists on moving to Gravity Falls because of the natural weirdness. Having a mansion built on rural soil, Ford becomes a researcher while Stan does what he does best; starts swindling idiots. Finding the cave paintings, Ford initiates contact with Bill. Bill thinks he's the naive idiot he is in canon, but that isn't the case anymore. This Ford knows how to lie. How to tell when someones lying. A shady deal when he sees one. Seeing the potential for personal power gain, Ford actually ruses Bill. Not the other way around. Bill would do anything Ford wanted, if he gave Bill a corporeal form (Bill was trying to swindle his way around). Finding the perfect excuse in that, Ford convinced Bill to merge their souls together, that Stanford will give him 'access to the physical plane' if the demon aided him until he no longer needed it. It was a ruse. And now Bill is an indentured servant till the end of Fords days. Which wouldn't end anytime soon. Stanford, stricken with this power, craved more. And so, he demanded the construction of a portal. Using Bill as a 'little helper', and the money they'd accrued, a magnificent creation was made. He began to dimension hop, in search of more, trusting Stan to be well on his own. For decades he roamed the multiverse, challenging and defeating powerful demons for their souls, learning secrets, acquiring knowledge he shouldn't have. By the time he grew bored and wished to return home to his brother, he had challenged millions on countless moons. He was no longer human, not anymore.

When he returned he realized his brother would die of age and leave him behind, so, he offered a deal. That if Stan's loyalty to him never wavered, never lessened, Stan would be immortal by his side til the end of time. He took it. Why wouldn't he? By the time Mabel and Dipper come along, they're direct rivals with the Northwests in regards to social power in Gravity Falls. And at their birth, Ford passes down the talismans to them, making it a sort of tradition amongst twin generations. Which, by the time their 12, has already done significant damage. Thus, summer starts.

#gravity falls #reverse falls au #stanford pines #stanley pines #nonsensical ramblings #again my brain is strange #but once more I am free #ill make fanart/concepts of the Stans and maybe even the twins at some point #I'll also get into Dipper and Mabel in another post probably this one is already long enough #long post #holy fuck its long #someone put me down #I'll also get into like. Gideon and Pacifica as well at some point. I'll do a part 2 #im sorry for how long this is

[yourlocalabomination]

I am not immune to funny crackships.

+ Bonus

#*falsettos your chasitys* #this started out as a ‘aha yea they fucked once in highschool’ joke for me how did I end up here #it went from ‘Teddy: yea man it doesn’t count if your socks are on’ to queer teen situationship in the 90s angst with religious overtones #I would like to blame everyone who has made holybastard fanart/fanfics for converting me #I don’t see them as a long term relationship but more on an active affair between two old high school ‘friends’ #I drew these while listening to The Last Dinner Party ans now I can’t stop thinking about holy bastard to some of their songs #‘picture me in bed- under your crucifix- under your long black hair- I’ll see you on Sunday’ are actual lyrics how can I not- #I just impor you to listen (there only 5 songs as of now) and do the same- ESPECIALLY SINNER ITS SUCH A MARK CODED SONG #who would have figured the queer ex religious person would be a sucker for queer relationships with religious themes #grace chasity #peter spankoffski #pete spankoffski #mark chasity #holy bastard #starkid #team starkid #starkid productions #starkid fanart #starkid animation #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #nerdy prudes must die fanart #npmd fanart #npmd starkid #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #hatchetfield universe #fanart #my art #my animation

[forevermore-quoth-the-kitten]

Exhausted MC Who Just Wants to Sleep

After finals, MC is stupid exhausted since little of the material they've learned is stuff you go over in the human realm and cramming was the only way they'd get a decent grade on their finals. But it's over now and they need sleep! MC just KNOWS someone's going to end up in their room at some point and wake them up, so whose bed do they flop into instead?

Lucifer

you walk into the doorway of the living room where everyone is gathered, looking exhausted, announce "i'm giong to sleep. if anyone even thinks about waking me up or doing anything that would wake me up, i will make them eat Solomon's cooking." before stalking off down the hall.

As you stumble towards your room you realize that you literally have no privacy in your own and room and with whats left of your brain power, you turn towards Lucifer's bedroom, no one ever bothers him or causes a scene in his room, garunteeing you silence for easy sleep.

Lucifer wants to tell you off, but the threat is real. even if you didn't look so dead tired he could tell by your tone you very well meant it.

Lucifer wonders for a moment if he should get you to eat and drink something, but he's seen your progressively worsening dark circles and hes positive that you won't stay awake long enough to get much down, so he resolves to bring you a treat and set it in your room later for you to awaken to.

its a few hours later when all of his own work is done. finals are over and with the last bit of work done, break had started.

Lucifer walks into his room to put the work down and out of the way for the time being, but freezes in his doorway.

you're laid on his bed, face down, one shoe off, the other half off, your bag dropped on the floor a few feet from his bed, and soft muffled snoring reaches his ear.

once Lucifer gets over his surprise, he smirks, but gently closes the door and keeps his eyes on you as he puts his work down before moving closer to you.

you're not even all the way on his bed, your legs are hanging off the side and your school uniform doesn't seem to be undone at all.

well aware that won't be comfortable, Lucifer carefully untucks and opens the other side of his blankets and sheet before tapping your forehead, placing a sleeping spell on you to keep you from waking so he can take your overcoat and sheos off, at the least, before placing you in his bed and tucking you in.

its takes you 12 hours to wake up, and he watches from a chair as you stumble to the bathroom, pausing at the sight of him for a moment with bleary eyes, before you drop back into his bed and are back asleep right away.

the next time you wake up Lucifer isn't there, but he's left you some danishes and a bottle of water. your'e still in his bed when he returns and by then its night again, so he crawls into bed with you and pulls you close as you both sleep.

Mammon

you walk into the doorway of the living room where everyone is gathered, looking exhausted, announce "i'm giong to sleep. if anyone even thinks about waking me up or doing anything that would wake me up, i will make them eat Solomon's cooking." before stalking off down the hall.

As you stumble towards your room you realize that you literally have no privacy in your own and room and with what's left of your brain power, you keep going and head to Mammon's room. no one ever goes to Mammon's room, so it's probably the place you'll get the best sleep.

Mammon is terrified at the threat and goes stiff, watching as you stumble away. for once he thinks about it before opening your door when he gets annoyed about something and wants to spend time with you. and after thinking about it, his hand on your door handle, he decides to just not and stalks off to his own room, pouting the whole way.

when he gets to his room he walks right past his bed to the couch, flops on it, and the remote is in his hand before he registers the body in his bed.

he jolts up and looks over the couch at you, curled up in his bed and fast asleep, soft snoring coming from you.

cue Mammon going bright red, and just staring at you for a minute before he scrambles up and goes over to look at you as closely as he dares. you're on your side across his bed, looking so peaceful and it's just too damn cute! his heart can't take it!

Mammon wants to actually get you in his bed, but he's scared to move you and wake you up (he absolutely does NOT want to have to eat Solomon's cooking, no thank you), so instead he snags a few blankets and covers you with two of them before settling down on his couch to play on his phone and keep an eye on you. maybe he should order some food for you to eat when you wake up?

when do you inevitably wake up, Mammon shoots up from his couch and watches you, staying oddly quiet and silently offering you a half melted smoothie and a burrito. you stop and snag both from him, sitting on the couch with him and watching tv but not paying attention to it. once your food is gone you flop over onto his shoulder, asleep within a minute again after it.

Mammon's gone completely stiff and has no idea what to do, but he wraps one arm around you and eventually texts Asmo for help once his face is no longer related to a tomato. his brother helps him move you both so you're laying down with your head on Mammon's chest. Asmo takes so many pictures that go on his Devilgram and the cuteness of post finals snuggles goes viral.

Leviathan

you walk into the doorway of the living room where everyone is gathered, looking exhausted, announce "i'm going to sleep. if anyone even thinks about waking me up or doing anything that would wake me up, I will make them eat Solomon's cooking." before stalking off down the hall.

As you stumble towards your room you realize that you literally have no privacy in your own and room and with whats left of your brain power, you double back and easily slip into Leviathan's room, dropping into his bathtub bed. It's dark, quiet, his fish tank is just really soothing, and Levi never lets his brothers in his room, he has protection on his door to keep them out for that reason. It's perfect.

Levi gulps at your dead zombie expression and absolutely terrifying threat if you're woken up and mentally swears he won't even go near your room until you come out to make sure he doesn't get caught up in the doling of the punishment if something happens. and obviously the best way to avoid you is to go to his room.

that turns out to be a FUCKING BUST because he walks in to find your foot hooked over the side of his bed and he Cant Avoid You if youre IN HIS BED!!

oh shit oh shit he's seen this in his anime and manga but what the hell is he supposed to do when it's real life?! Levi's panicking but he hears his brother's voices and before he can think it through, quickly closes his door to avoid them seeing him or seeing you in his room. he should- yeah, you're trying to sleep and if you'd come to his room, that means you think his room is the best place to sleep, so he needs to make sure it stays that way!

Levi's a man on a mission until he stops to realize what this means and once again panics, bright red, until he decides he needs to just focus and move around. it takes him half an hour to carefully edge close enough to remove your shoes and then he tries to grab your leg to tuck it into his bed, but you move when he's barely touched you.

Levi jolts back, heat beating fast and absolutely not moving or even breathing until you've curled into his bed and he's positive you're asleep again. thank fucking diavolo, that was clsoe! (it wasn't, you were dead to the world, but Levi was positive you'd been awake for a minute when he touched you).

with that over Levi lays a blanket over you and wonders what to do, he cna tgame becuase he gets heated and yells and he can't watch most of his anime's becuase he gets emotional and yells.

in the end he decides to open Mononoke Land on his handheld system since its a chill game and he won't have to worry about waking you up playing it.

when you wake up he goes as still a stone, waking up from where he's sleeping in his bean bag when you walk past him, until you stumble back out of his bathroom and flop bakc into his bed, gasping for breath when he hears you're asleep again. after that Levi deicded to have food and water out for you when you wake up. but his stuuf he hoards in his room you probably shouldn't eat yet, you should have something better for you?

He ends up texting Beel and then Lcuifer, questioning what he should have for you. Beel's suggestion is to have a lot of options for you to choose from, but Levi knows when he finally gets sleep after not getting much at all that he really doesn't want to have to pick from a bunch of stuff. thankfully Lucifer knows the answer better so he gets some cheese fries and sticks them in his mini fridge with some elextrolyte water to give you when you get up again.

when you do he reheats it and stumbles over his words, but you take the food and settle down next to him to watch anime. Levi is not paying attention to it, you're sitting too close for that. but then you're done eating and you've had your full of water and hhoooOOOLLYY SSHHIITTT you're asleep on his shoulder!!

Panic! doesn't move and just blankly stares at his tv for the next few hours, not daring to do anything that might wake you up.

Satan

you walk into the doorway of the living room where everyone is gathered, looking exhausted, announce "i'm giong to sleep. if anyone even thinks about waking me up or doing anything that would wake me up, i will make them eat Solomon's cooking." before stalking off down the hall.

As you stumble towards your room you realize that you literally have no privacy in your own and room and with whats left of your brain power, you turn away from your room and you barely have the energy to avoid Satan's books on the floor, but thankfully his bed is empty. the avatar of wrath is considerate and while normally you'd worry he'd cause a scene in a fit of anger, Satan would never with you and his brothers don't often venture towards his room if they're mad becuase it makes him mad, so it's pretty chill there.

Satan is amused at your threat, knowing he won't be the one to wake you up, but is concerned at how you look. he's seen how much you've been studying and hes proud all your study sessions seem to have gone well, but Satan decides he should do some research to see what else he can do to help you out when you wake up from the ordeal.

he doesn't expect to see you in his room, much less with your bag dropped among his books without care, all of your clothes still in place, not even your shoes off.

when he, relatively quickly, recovers from the surprise, Satan carefully closes his door, bright red. the fact that you're sleeping in his bed shoes that you both trust him not to wake you up but also that you feel his room is going to be the best place to sleep.

hes beyond flattered and is thankful that around you it's much easier to control his temper. Satan sets your bag aside once he's stopped smiling like a love-sick dumbass like Mammon before taking your shoes off and carefully moving you up. he shushes you when you grumble at being moved around, but he gets you down to your underwear, figuring that's how you'll sleep most comfortably, before tucking you into his perpetually unmade bed.

when you wake up teh first time its the middle of the night and SAtan's asleep too, book on his lap and slumped in his chair. you smile at him but youre quick to go back to sleep. (at this point if you're male, nothing changes. but if you're female, you take your bra off because who would wear that to bed? when Satan sees your bra on the floor when he wakes up, he bluescreens and stares at it for a good five minutes, brihgt red, until he regains his composure and sets it with the rest of your clothes.

when you wake up again you're quickly faced with a blushing Satan thrusting a long t-shirt in your face before huffing about food and water waiting for you. if you don't beat his ass for being a dick right when you've just woken up, you laugh about it and slip the shirt on before moving over so you can both sit on his bed and eat.

you fall asleep on his lap after the food and Satan takes a minute to relax after that, but once he does he find himself running his fingers through or over your hair, smiling at you happily for a bit before laying back to doze off for a bit himself.

Asmodeus

you walk into the doorway of the living room where everyone is gathered, looking exhausted, announce "i'm going to sleep. if anyone even thinks about waking me up or doing anything that would wake me up, I will make them eat Solomon's cooking." before stalking off down the hall.

As you stumble towards your room you realize that you literally have no privacy in your own and room and with what's left of your brain power, you walk past it towards Asmo's room. he might be known for sneaking people into his room, but the demon is the Self Care King and if you need sleep, his bed is going to be the best option for great sleep. and even besides that, Asmo was never going to wake you up, so you're pretty sure you're safe from any annoying shenaniganery.

Asmo is horrified you would ever use Solomon's cooking as a punishment, but he has to admit that, based on his own and his brothers reactions to it, it's a very effective threat.

Asmo is very happy though, he's seen your complexion get worse and your eye bags get bigger since you've been forgoing sleep for studying and he hated it! but you ignored him every time he said otherwise, so no you're finally going to sleep, and once you wake up he's going to make sure you get the best spa day of your life!

with that though, Asmo jumps up and heads to his room to plan out what you'd do when you woke up-

oh my diavolo you're sleeping in his bed and it's so cute!!

Asmo's first reation is to snap picture after picture of you and post it to his devilgram, gushing about how you just came in to sleep after finals and he found you like this!

then, despite how much he wants to show more of you, he sets his phone aside on silent and finds himself just adiring your sleeping face for a few minutes. you've flopped face first onto his bed, face buried in his pillows, bag in the middle of his room and one shoe hanging onto your heel by a thread, the other half under his bed.

Asmo, once he's gotten his fill of watching you (for the time being), lights a candle with a sleeping potion in it and lets you breathe it in a bit to make sure you wont wake up as he strips you of your RAD uniform, slips you into some of your favorite pj's, and gets you into his bed properly for some rest.

Asmo leaves his room for a while after that, leaving to go shopping for some special things to use for your spa day when you wake up, deciding to also grab you some yummy treats and a drink on his way back. he convinces Levi to let him borrow his minifridge for your stuff and snuggles up to you that night for cuddles. he knows when you get up and uses his bathroom but opens the blankets again when you come back to let you crawl back into bed.

the next time you get up Asmo leads you to his chaise and gives you the warmed up pastries and drink, chatting quietly and gently with you, asking if you're still tired after that. you are so he gets you back to bed and chills until you're ready to be awake and take care of yourself with him.

Beelzebub

you walk into the doorway of the living room where everyone is gathered, looking exhausted, announce "i'm giong to sleep. if anyone even thinks about waking me up or doing anything that would wake me up, i will make them eat Solomon's cooking." before stalking off down the hall.

As you stumble towards your room you realize that you literally have no privacy in your own and room and with whats left of your brain power, you head farther down the hall and slip into the twins room, dropping onto Beel's bed, knowing their room is quiet and that Beel isn't going to bother you or be bothered by you sleeping on his bed. you've done it before so it's the most logical conclusion.

Beel's hurt and horrified you would ever make them eat Solomon's cooking, none of Luifer's punishments have ever been that cruel!

later, when he's gotten some food from the kitchen for a snack before dinner, he makes sure he tiptoes when he walks by your room. Beel's very proud of himself for making it past your room silently, pushing his door open and barely stopping it from slamming into the wall when it does, seeing you on his bed just in time.

why are you on his bed? is something wrong with your room and no one knows yet? Beel's very confused as he sets his food down as quietly as he can before closing the door. he doesn't want to wake you up, but Lucifer will yell at him if he eats his food outside of his bedroom. Beel eats slower than normal, taking care to be quiet, watching you the whole time until Belphie walks in and also freezes at the sight of you.

unlike Beel, Belphie grins. Beel wonders what belphie picked up on that he didn't, he knows he can be oblivious sometimes but doesn't quite understand yet why you're here instead of your room. you've slept in his bed before, obviously, but-

that's why. Belphie laughs softly at him. they've slept in your bed and know that it's quiet here, our brothers are going to bother them if they're sleeping here instead of their own room.

Beel lights up at the knowledge that you trust them, but more importantly, him. you find his bed safe and comfortable and even though Belphie's bed is right there and the avatar of sloth is the perfect person to snuggle and sleep with to get a good rest, you're in his bed.

he blushes at it and grins to himself, happy, finishing his food before he moves and carefully tugs your shoes off of you and nabs your coat so you can sleep better before heading down to dinner. Lucifer chews him out for eating the contents of the fridge right before dinner but Beel's not too bothered by it, your presence in his room sticking to the back of his mind through the meal.

when he gets back he tries to wait, since both you and belphie are asleep now, but he knows he wants to sleep in his bed, so he carefully nudges you over and crawls in behind you, pulling you into his arms so you won't roll out during the night and falls asleep, happpy at having your warmth.

and when you're awake, Beel wakes up the moment you move. its fine if you come right bakc to sleep, but if he can sense your hunger, you better believe this man is picking you up and carrying you to the kitchen, making you drink water (mostly on that half awake autopilot eveyone has) as he gets you both some food. No matter what time it is, Beel's set and ready to get the best food in the fridge he can find in you before you fall asleep again on his shoulder. it makes eating his own food hard, but Beel will manage just fine if it means you get the sleep you need.

Belphegor

you walk into the doorway of the living room where everyone is gathered, looking exhausted, announce "i'm giong to sleep. if anyone even thinks about waking me up or doing anything that would wake me up, i will make them eat Solomon's cooking." before stalking off down the hall.

As you stumble towards your room you realize that you literally have no privacy in your own and room and with whats left of your brain power, you head farther down the hall and slip into the twins room. after a moment of deliberation, you fall into Belphie's bed. not only does no one ever come into the twins room, when they do they're quiet about it. and if you're in Belphie's bed, it's pretty much guaranteed you'll have the best sleep of your life.

belphie was already asleep after being awake all day for finals, but he woke up to the sound of your voice. he only cauhgt part of it, but the message was loud and clear and a very good threat, if Lucifer doesn't use that against them he should get Satan to help him use it on Lucifer.

Belphie is back asleep once you've stopped talking, full well knowing he's not going to be the one to wake you up. that's fucking funny, the constantly sleeping avatar of sloth waking you up? its preposterous. annoying to avoid your room so it doesn't happen, but not impossible.

Belphie has his nap out in the living room until dinner, where he decides he's full when he almost falls asleep in his food and goes off to his bedroom.

only to find you in his bed.

. . . what, did you think that was going to stop him?

Belphie just smirks, knowing you knew exactly what you were doing, wanting, and asking for by doing that, before crawling into bed with you. he breathes a sleeping spell over you so he can strip those pesky clothes off of you without worrying about you stirring.

similar to Asmo, he slips some pj's on you after stripping you down to your underwear. not your favorite pair, the pair he stole from you to keep in his room for times like this, because it was bound to happen (and he was right).

when you wake up he lets you go, knowing you're barely awake and will come right back to bed. he can feel it when your body starts stirring, needing food and water, so its easy to shoot Beel a text asking him to bring you some. Beel of course brings enough for an army, aka, the three of you, and Belphie keeps you in his bed while you eat, making you drink plenty of water beofre he lets you drop back to sleep like he knew you would.

when when youre rested enough that you actually want to get up? good luck, hes got a tight grip when hes asleep and Belphie's hard to wake up, he wont want to let go awake either, so you're gonna be stuck for a while.

Bonus Round

you walk into the doorway of the living room where everyone is gathered, looking exhausted, announce "i'm going to sleep. if anyone even thinks about waking me up or doing anything that would wake me up, i will make them eat Solomon's cooking." before stalking off down the hall.

you don't go to your room, thats going to quickly backfire since demons dont understand that you like any sort of privacy and just barge in and SOMEONE is going to forget your threat and walk in or fight outside your door. so where do you go? the quietest place in the whole house.

the attic.

its two hours before anyone tries to check on you and realize your not in your room. the demons then look in their rooms and all over the house, but you're seemingly nowhere to be found.

it ends up being Belphie, who's worried but exhausted, sneaking up to the attic to take a nap that finds you there.

you think he's going to tell the others about the spot and out both your sleeping place and his favorite napping spot? lol, that's funny. Belphie just smirks, happy he knows where you are and thus you're safe, so he curls around you to sleep too.

Lucifer finds you both 30 minutes later after Belphie disappears along with you, deadpanning and annoyed to find you two asleep in the attic. but at least you were ok, and Belphie should have at least texted everyone he found you, but he can punish his brother later, when you're not snorting in his arms.

then he'll either move you to his room or leave you here with a barrier up to keep his brothers from bothering you. it'll depend on how he feels once he drags Belphie out of the attic.

Hard Round

after your announcement, you don't even stay in the house of lamentation, belatedly realizing this house is nothing but chaos and you'll never get any sleep here without getting woken up.

bitch you're not even there, so when the brothers realize you're not in your room and then can't find you, they fucking panic.

Option 1 = Lucifer calls diavolo like 'we lost mc' and explains and Diavolo is just trying not to laugh because a few hours ago you walked into his bedroom as he was finishing getting dressed, completely ignored him, and faceplanted on his bed, falling asleep right away.

(diavolo is a busy man but he has more servants and attendatns than just barbatos, so when you finally wake up instead of getting to drop back to sleep, a pair of maids or butlers (depending on your gender) is already waiting and they brush your hair and get your dressed before nudging you along to Diavolo's ffice, where you stand inside the door blinking blearily, NOT ready to be awake yet and pissed about it. he realizes the mistake and within 5 minutes youre on his couch, head on a large pillow and a blanket draped over you.)

option 2 = Asmo panic calls Barbatos for help, almost in tears because they LOST MC! hes waiting for the demon to calm down to inform him that you were fine. you'd shown up at his door looking like you were about to pass out, groaned a greeting at him, and did in fact pass out on his bed.

(even though he's generally not supposed to, Barbaots peeks into the future a bit more than usual so he knows when you'll be awake and can have fresh food and water there when you do. if you let him he'll help you dress and feed you once you're a bit more awake, but if you want to sleep more after that he'll be ready and have chores doled out so he can lay down with you for a while.)

Stupid Easy Round

after your announcement, you don't even stay in the house of lamentation, blatedly realizing this house is nothing but chaos and you'll never get any sleep here without getting woken up.

bitch you're not even there, so when the brothers realize you're not in your room and then can't find you, they fucking panic.

if you pass out in Simeon's bed his snitch ass is going to call Lucifer before he even realises you're not in the HoL to let him know you're snoring away on his bed after walking in, dropping your bag, and zonking out the second your head hit his pillow after muttering something about not waking you up.

(Simeon keeps an eye on you, but he still has things to do. he has luke bring you food and when Luke doesn't come back, he finds Luke weakling struggling in your grip to get out. Simeon's not going to take him away from you though, so despite Luke's whispered protests, Simeon only grabs the dishes and leaves him there. when he comes back Luke is cuddling you right back and is very much fast asleep. it's just too cute and he sends the picture to the group chat with everyone. its becomes Diavolo's favorite pictures (Barbatos too, he loves you and his adoptive angel son. but both of you together? perfect. Simeon feels the same way).

Hilarious as Shit Impossible Round

HA

youre not dumb enough to leave the HoL in your condition!

but you also know actually getting sleep would be a whole ass miracle in this house

it take those idiots an hour to realize youre not in your bed and three more to look fucking everywhere for you and get a search party going.

lucifer goes down to get cerberus to try and track you, everyone thinking you somehow got kiddnapped

only to find you passed out on his dog who was happily guarding you while you slept, being more quiet and than Luccifer thought he was capable of.

many pictures are taken as Lucifer laments how embarrassing this is. It's literally his basement and despite how utterly ridiculous it is, none of them even checked it.

Several pictures are posted online. you go viral and within a day you also become a viral meme. the sheer audacity and 'dont give a fuck' energy it takes to take a nap on cerberus makes you more famous than being an exchange student ever could

and of course all of this happens before you wake up, so imagine your surprise to waking up internet famous.

well at least the memes are great, and the picture is pretty cute as well as being badass.

(the next time you go viral its also because you didnt sleep and there was an actual search party this time and Solomon is the dumbass genius bastard who thinks to check the palace catacombs and sure enough finds you asleep on Henry I)

#oh my fuck its so long #holy shit #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me luficer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me solomon #obey me cerberus #obey me henry #the snake #henry the 1st #i regret none of this #simeon would #belphie would #asmo definitely would #that self care respectful king #Clothes Changing on a Sleeping Partner is peak romance #if i fell asleep in my clothes and woke up in comfy pjs #and my (future) parnter told me they changed my clothes so id be comfy #i would literally marry them on the spot if we werent already

[were-changing-cake-vaults]

Doc is really, really, really tired of getting dragged into things.

That’s the problem with this server: he tries to do his own thing, but people cannot leave him alone. No matter what he does to deter them, whether that be harmless threat or psychological warfare, they always come back to dance on his metaphorical lawn. Or actual lawn. Or precious one-of-a-kind bush.

And at this point, he thought he had gotten used to all the shenanigans. He doesn’t want to be the grumpy old man amongst his friends and colleagues, so Doc tries to laugh it off, not take it so seriously. Occasionally, he’ll even join in on the jokes and put a little extra pizzazz into his mannerisms. Doc has his limits, of course, everyone does, but he’s been working on pushing those limits further for the past while.

So when Beef makes the joke about Big Salmon on day one, he joins in on it for the moment. It’s a good joke, really. It gets a hearty laugh out of him more than once. The joke is made, people laugh, Doc is included, he moves on and goes back to doing his own thing.

Honestly, he doesn’t even remember what he said. The joke should’ve been a one-and-done, forgotten after a week’s time. Whatever he said should’ve been inconsequential. Should be. Beef’s not one to drag out a bit for that long, usually, but here he is, dressed as a salmon and saying he got emails from a fish. Doc is utterly clueless throughout most of it- he doesn’t even understand what constituted him getting dragged in this time. And the way Beef and Skizz are talking is scaring him, just a little bit. Skizz is too aggressive, Beef is laying down the charmspeak, and both of their eyes are glossy and strange. There’s a hollow echo in the room.

But Doc, absurd as this is, plays along. Watches as one of his villagers gets killed. Lets nervous laughter through as he’s given 10 salmon heads, and leaves. When he gets back to his base out in the middle of nowhere, he realizes that these aren’t normal salmon heads, they’re worse: deformed, many-eyed, slimy and reeking of rot. And while this isn’t the strangest thing Doc has seen, as far as he knows, Beef isn’t one for game-breaking like he is. The deformities on the heads don’t even look player made. Whatever this is, it’s bizaarre, and it’s not something Doc wants to be involved in.

Then the whispers start.

He doesn’t do what he’s asked—build a shrine for whatever Big Salmon is—initially. He lets it be for a bit, shrugs it off, and keeps building. But it’s hard to focus when you can’t sleep—in his dreams he’s drowning, sinking deeper and deeper, sea life surrounding him and screaming and he’s screaming too as a pair of eyes stare him down—and when you can’t get a moment of quiet. He keeps hearing that damn slapping sound and little nothings about shrine schematics, block pallets, glorious statues. The air starts reeking of rot, far more than a swamp should. Strange slime crawls up the scaffolding that he keeps slipping on.

And this is why Doc is tired: Big Salmon is not his first rodeo. This isn’t the first time something has grabbed hold of his soul and tried to puppeteer it to his own demise. This isn’t even the scariest thing he’s come across- he still dreams of watching himself rip his own arm off. He knows gods and entities like he knows redstone, all the intricacies of magic that weave through the universe. They want to be satisfied, satiated. Doc will not give whatever Big Salmon is that satisfaction, not for long.

So he puts up with the rot, the slime, the dreams. Keeps the salmon heads, perpetually grotesque, in a chest where he can see them. Gives them a minuscule in: blueprints are crafted of the shrine he is meant to build, dying leaves are placed and waterlogged, copper is bent and formed into a worthless statue. The sky is cloudy. The sky has been cloudy all week, swamp air thick with the smell of rotting fish. He gives Beef a call, tells him to bring Skizz along.

When what should be Doc’s friend arrives, he is more fish than man. The tinnitus-like whisper of the thing trying to get him reaches a roar as he gives Beef a look over- there is no telling where the suit ends and the skin begins, all scaled, slimy and opalescent. Skizz, on the contrary, is looking relatively normal; the only strange thing about him are his glazed over eyes. Something about that makes Doc queasy about his plan, but he swallows the bile rising in his throat and steels himself, forces himself to be calm. This is not his first rodeo.

Doc’s faked smile doesn’t fail him as he leads Beef and Skizz to the statue. It doesn’t fail him as he hands the last rotting head to Beef for him to place, on top of an over-polished button. His grin only widens as Skizz counts down his boss pressing the button.

With a single button press, the voices that have taken residence in Doc’s head are wiped out, as are Skizz and Beef: bloody…fish…bits fly high into the sky when they fall into the exploding trap. There is a deafening boom, and then there is Doc, unscathed, laughing wickedly, organic eye sparkling with mania. Gods never win against him. There is no winning against the goat.

And finally, with the threat of Big Salmon defeated, Doc can finally rest. After all, he is incredibly tired.

#woosh writes #oceans calling au #docm77 #hermitcraft au #hermitcraft #FINALLY! ITS FUCKING DONE!!!! #HOLY FUCK THIS TOOK ME FOREVER #I am so sorry this took as long as it did- a bajillion irl things happened and that delayed my writing significantly #ANYWAYS. [SCREAMS]

[senselessalchemist]

The Beheaded makes a pitch

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #the collector #bad comic #art is all over the place because holy fuck im so tired #this idea has bounced around in my head like a dvd screensaver for a long time #also the views expressed in this comic are not necessarily the views of the author #dont come at me because its good and does amazing dps or whatever i know it has high damage per tick #it can be a little annoying in dailies when you dont get cells #and i do want more boss stuff #beheaded just wants a cool sword #collector would be one of those dont talk to me until ive had my coffee assholes #but yknow its panacea #in fact that was one of the earliest pieces of dc fanart i drew #dont think i ever posted it here and thats fine #god i miss when art was easy tho

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

IDK if you've ever said anything about it, but in the Lights Out AU, what was Wally's first reaction on realizing that Frank was alive and he wasn't alone anymore? I imagine it was...quite emotional

i Haven't talked about their Initial Reunion yet, no! but yes, it was very emotional! there were certainly many emotions!

namely: fear, confusion, shock, and nearly killing your friend with an oversized baseball bat <3

#im trying to work on a mini comic to expand on this but my art Isnt Arting Correctly #so this will have to do for now #but to put it Short and Simply #frank: WHAT THE FUCK ITS JUST ME!!! ITS ME!!! #wally: oh oops heyyyyy totally thought you were one of the Things <3 my bad <3 #wally: .... #wally: HOLY SHIT? FRANK?! #aaaaaand scene #wh lights out au #scribble salad #rambles from the bog #obviously its more complicated and less... jokey than that #i have the scene laid out nicely in my head #but putting it to 'paper' is a challenge! #there are factors to include #like how frank thinks everyone in the storage room is dead & how wally hasnt spoken more than a few mumbled words in a Long time #wally at this point has essentially lost his sense of self and basically just goes through his 'routine' like a robot #so it takes a second for his mind to kinda... reboot in a sense #and in that second frank nearly dies for realsies #haha thats... thats funny actually. Nearly. ha. the irony. #but uhhhh yeah frank really goes Through It for a bit #especially the immediate waking up through running into wally #or more like wally runs into him! purposefully! with the bat!

[havethehappyduometup]

Have Skeppy and Bad Met Up Yet?

2/3/23:

Yes.

#AT LONG FUCKING LAST #AT LAAAAAAAST #badboyhalo #mcyt #skeppy #skephalo #have skeppy and bad met up yet #ITS GINALLY HAPPENED #THEY FINALLY DID IT #HOLY SHIT #YALL #YALL?????? #HELLO??????

[art-killed-the-superstar]

So you are dreaming of after Was it really all just for fun? I was the man still in love with you When I already knew it was done.

*hears new sufjan stevens song* l-leosagi

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #leosagi #leosagi 2003 #katanashipping #katanashipping 2003 #my first time drawing tmnt in about 6 years and ofc its leosagi because why wouldnt it be... they are my white whale... my ship in the nigh #as soon as i heard this song i was like holy fuck it's my favourite ptsd-ridden ninja and samurai #im hyperfixating on them again for the first time in so long and i just... i love them. i miss them #both traumatised so young :((

[wastedlychee]

SUEHSHUSNWUWTWCSHSUEBHSHWHW

#ITS BEEN SO LONG #guilty gear #guilty gear strive #HOLY FUCK #YESSSSSS #aba #a.b.a guilty gear #a.b.a #aaaaaaaaa #Strive comes out on the 26th

[colorful-horses]

Hasbro heard about Monster High making a comeback and they came out mad as FUCK with these dolls

#holy FUCK #mlp #mlp g5 #equestria girls #i literally havent been this hyped for a doll line in a long time. maybe ever. fucking look at them #they look amazing #how did we go from g4 eqg dolls to THESE #theyre BEAUTIFUL #srry i said text posts were done but this is pony related so its fine #LOOK AT THEM #the face sculpts and screenings. the different heights. the clothing silohettes. the ARTICULATION #buying these the FUCKING SECOND they go on sale. I MUST HAVE THEM #g5 toyline in general has been pretty disappointing and cheap. these have absolutely blown my expectations out of the WATER #not art #sunny is my favorite. her design is amazing #translating the rainbow hair stripe to be on her shirt instead. fantastic #only question is why is izzy the shortest one when shes the tallest pony? but thats not really a complaint. just an observation #look at izzys cute ass boots. the bunny ears.... #the clothes are arill hasbro quality and will probably be papery and whatever #but im more focused on the actual designs since im just gonna be displaying them and not really touching them

[shywhumpauthor]

Ahah fun idea here, tie your Whumpee to a fence post or something indirect sunlight. Make sure it’s a really hot, bright day outside. Cut away their shirt, make sure they’re tied to the fence face-first so their back gets the worst of the burns.

Bring them inside when the sun starts to set, then have your Whumper whip them with a belt.

#hoLY FUCK I CANT TYPE #MY FINGERS ARE HITTINF THE WRONG LETTERS IT TOOK ME SO FUCKINF LONG TO WROTE THIS FUCKING PROLPT #is this inspired by the awful sunburn I have all over my arms and back #even though I had sunscreen on and I was out in the sun for LITERALLY LESS THAN FIVE MINIGES #whump #whumpblr #whump community #whump writing #its me coal #coal wrote something #whumpee #whumper #whump prompt #whump prompts #whump idea #whump scenario #writing prompts #writing prompt

[mxrisacoulter]

endless gifs of marisa coulter ~(33/?)

#mine* #egmc #hdm #his dark materials #hdmedit #mrs coulter #marisa coulter #ruth wilson #it has been SO long since ive done one of these holy moly #cant believe i havent done this scene before she was serving so hard here #its con in like a month and i was going to try and knock up a mrs c cosplay before then so ive been studying this costume #cause it feels like the most iconic #but also there is a hat and i can sew but idk how to make hats #so it feels like an objectively stupid choice #esp when i could do cittagazze safari costume or something and be comfortable all day #anyway thoughts and suggestions welcome? #also stopped doing edits cause my uni photoshop subscription ran out and i didnt want to pay but then i remembered not paying anyway <3 #also i can stand that my top posts are now all my stupid fucking textposts so here you are my loves

[edains]

Ashley Williams Armory

Ashley Williams's Armory

Ashley Consistency Project

#mass effect #mass effect mods #masseffectedit #ashley williams #half of these are from the same mission LMAO #also could not avoid going to mars for a shot #holy fuck do i hate the eden prime shuttle lighting with a passion #the spectre (top right) and reckoner knight ones are my faves #next time i do a dedicated cyrus run i might port ash's rk to le1 for his run #its taken me so long to do this but i felt motivated #edain's edits

[buqbite]

Do you guys see my vision

#i havent drawn like this in so long. holy fuck #(this looks like my lhh doodle) #this is based on a redesign I saw on hoyolab. i loved that design sm i had to draw her like this #honkai star rail #hsr #topaz hsr #my art #or like doodles but whatever. #i just want topaz to be more girlbossy #i also just like. well its insanely fun to draw hsr designs esp bc its a challenge to put them in my own art style #and to change things up how i want to! like there are more than enough moments where i go “i am not fucking drawing that” LMAO #anyways i love topaz. shes kind of morally fucked up if you really think about it #the IPC is the darkest most confusing shade of grey and every character who's a part of it is immediately affected by that #DO U KNOW WHAT I MEAN #and then shes like “stay away from aventurine that guy sucks lol” and then. gives him the most important thing she owns. #damn girl. damn girl. #anyways im getting a little carried away on this quick draft of my design for her THATS ALL

[spinjitsuburst]

I’ve been reading a very very very dark Skybound Fic all night and I feel slightly ill but I’m so so obsessed with literally every “how Jay’s lightning works” headcanon

#IM FINE LMAO I OVERESTIMATED HOW DARK THIS WOULD GET BUT IM ALL GOOD #I’m waiting until tomorrow to finish it cuz like Dear first master #it’s #6 in the morning #but I stay silly :3 #my mom’s gonna be like are you okay when I’m a zombie tomorrow and imma be like #NO #CUZ JAY IS STILL ON THAT FUUUCKING SHIP #LIKE GOD HOW MUCH MORE CAN HE TAKE #WE’RE SIX CHAPTERS IN AND THERES STILL SIX TO GO WHAT ELSE CAN THEY DO TO THIS MAN #in case you’re wondering it’s bending but never breaking #DO NOT #READ IT #IF YOU ARE A MINOR #AND HEED THE TAGS BECAUSE THEYRE ALL ACCURATE #but holy fuck it’s FASCINATING #ALSO KUDOS TO THE AUTHOR FOR JAY CONTINUING TO BE SNARKY THROUGH ALL THAT HOLY SHIT???? #ESEPCAILYL CHAPTER 6 LIKE LITERALLY ITS SO LONG AND SO FUCKED UP #BUT LIKE THE IDEA THAT JAY CAN KNIT HIS WOUNDS BACK TOGETHER WITH LIGHTNING AND SHIT THATS SO COOL ALSO THE BODY HORROR FROM NADAKHAN IS SO #SICK NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ACTUALLY MAKE HIM MONSTROUS (physically he’s obviously a monster) BUT LIKE #MAN #I JUST CANT GET OVER JAYS LIGHTNING THO #I’m gonna find the post where #cuz I found the fic from a post #cuz the post talked about it #the lightning stuff so imma reblog that probably #that was a long winded ramble uhhhhh #anyways I literally reached my tag limit so rip i rambled here huh #spinjitsu screams #I’m not tagging ninjago over my unhinged rambling in the tags at the crack ass of dawn I’ll be normal tomorrow maybe

[toxooz]

been binging tf outa Avatar the last airbender bc ive been puking my EVERLOVIN guts out since yesterday and hear me out

#remy would probably get cool weapons or somethin but honey im so sorry it would be the reality #sk8 squad #ollie #ponti #oscar #abio #kari #vinny #remy #im Just Now feeling like the worst is over but holy fuck talk about misery #and i Have to go to work tomorrow anyway since i had to call bc today was supposed to be the recovery day but nOOO body said fuck u #cause this is like the 3rd time this has happened this year alone like i refuse to believe its just a bunch of food poisoning instances??? #i been eating the same for years and i know my immune systems been shot ever since covid but that was 4 years ago now somethin aint right #pray for my downstairs neighbors they had to hear me fighting for my life every 30 minutes PFFFT EEUUUAAGHGG HUFF HUFF HUFF yeah #although i will say all this shit has really toned down my emetophobia now everytime i gotta puke i just let out a long disappointed sigh #but goddamn still brutal tho