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stanzoeywade · 3 years

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Free Falling Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO: MEMORIES & HEADACHES

A/N: For my fellow Poppy simps (looking at you gabu lol) also this is like late af but I've been busy clowning, but also I haven't written anything in months so forgive me for my trash writing, but hopefully you enjoy. Anygays, it's probably not going to be as long as the first chapter but hopefully y'all still like it. Also I know it's Poppy x MC but let me be dramatique okay. (if you get the reference i giv u cookie) If anyone wants to be added to the tag list just say so uwu and also my requests are open for foreign affairs ig, hopefully I do the characters justice lol. But yes go easy on me please, it's been a while since I've written anything but work related stuff so feedback would be great. Thanks y'all.

Warnings: swear words, angst? Light case of prof x MC but if y'all hate it you skip. (Also probably my writing has gone poopoo so ye warning for that too.)

Taglist: @somewillwin @uhh-the-green-thing @jmojellybae @simp-pony @made-me-deep-blue @uselesslesbianfr @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @belvoiresqueenbee @alexlabhont @samanthadalton @crazzyplays @sparring-hyena

Also here's the playlist for this chapter ig. My music taste is basic so yeet. I also put the songs down below.

ROSIE POV

It's been hours since Rosie has been driving off to New York to get to Belvoire, and as soon as she gets there everything seems so large and she felt insignificant, so many skyscrapers looming around her, making her feel small. However, she feels a strange sense of wanderlust and curiosity for the new place around her. "Look out Belvoire, here I come." thought Rosie.

As soon as she reaches Belvoire her mouth gapes at the sheer size of the campus, it's everything she imagined but at the same time it's got her feeling anxious, like the feeling where your stomach feels hollow and butterflies just flutter. Don't get her wrong, Belvoire was beautiful but in that kind of intimidating way.

'Why do I suddenly remember that girl from my dream?' thought Rosie, as she suddenly feels a surge of pain that comes as soon as it goes. She shakes her head and tries to focus on taking in Belvoire. She can feel her hands get clammy whilst the anxiety seeps in but she takes a deep breath and everything falls into place. The most surprising thing was that people already seemed to know her. Rosie could hear a few people murmur in the crowd as she walked past.

"Wow, I thought The T was joking when they said that the new girl comes from a small town, but they weren't exaggerating. O M G! Even her sneakers are off brand." says one girl. "Tragic. Or is that what they call ranch couture these days?" adds another.

Rosie walks around, ears and face red in embarrassment from the unwanted comments and attention. 'If I was still back home I would have whooped their asses but I gotta play by the rules, considering I am the new girl.' She pushes through ignoring everyone with gritted teeth, bags in tow ready to get to her dorm, until she's stopped by the welcoming committee. The guy looks bored and over the whole welcoming people thing, "Name?" he says, clearly lacking patience. Rosie rolls her eyes. "Hughes, Rosie Hughes." she says. He checks over the list, his eyes slowly looking through the list, and as soon as he finds her name and as soon as he does he waves one of the others in the welcoming committee as they help Rosie take her bags to her room.

On the way to her dorm room she bumps into a blonde girl, her platinum hair glistening against the natural light, whilst Rosie can't help but stare in awe. You know that slow-mo moment when you see someone and they're just goddamn beautiful. Even when they both fall on the floor, time moves so goddamn slowly and Rosie swears she's never seen anything as mesmerising, even the way this girl falls is nothing less than beautiful, gorgeous even.

As soon as they both hit the floor, Rosie gawks at the girl in front of her. 'Damn it Rosie! There goes your first impression, she's such a pretty girl too.' she berates herself. Clearing her head, Rosie gets up and offers a hand to the blond girl. The girl takes her hand but Rosie pulls with a bit too much force, thus making the platinum haired girl fall into her arms. Blushing Rosie profusely apologises "I am so sorry, I've bumped into you now I pulled too hard and I'm suddenly hugging you. I'm really sorry!" The girl giggles and raises her eyebrow at Rosie, "It's okay." she says with a sweet smile on her face.

Suddenly, a hint of deja-vu hits Rosie and a memory flashes quickly as her head begins to hurt again. Rosie groans in pain, while the other girl looks at her worried. "Are you okay? Do you need help?" said the girl.

Rosie just flashes a small smile, though it seems a little forced, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. The girl doesn't seem too happy with the answer as she says "I'm Chloe by the way." Rosie holds her hand out and introduces herself. "I'm Rosie, nice to meet you Chloe." 'The name suits her' she thinks.

Chloe looks at her wrist watch which catches Rosie's attention. 'A Rolex? Damn, I knew this was a rich kid school but a Rolex?' Chloe checks the times and rushes out of Rosie's grip, shooting her a small smile she walks off. "See you around Rosie!" she waves as she goes off in a rush and Rosie's just there shaking her head with a chuckle.

Rosie's left smiling as she walks over her dorm room, giddy about the day's event and the new person she met. She couldn't quite place it but the way Chloe acted reminded her of the girl she's been seeing in her dreams, the one that she can't quite seem to place but cannot forget either. She gives Rosie that warm fuzzy feeling, like they've met before, but one thing's for sure, she is definitely curious about Chloe.

Continuing to walk towards her dorm room, Rosie has a soft smile on her face. She's excited to know more about Chloe, she can’t help but feel happy around her. As soon as she gets to her dorm, she’s met by a tall, beautiful girl and Rosie can’t help but feel shocked. ‘Is this school full of gorgeous people? What the fuck?! Everyone legit looks like they should be walking down the runway for Chanel.’ She can’t help but stare, luckily her roommate seems to be one of the friendly ones. “Hi, I’m guessing that you’re supposed to be my roomie?” she says and Rosie manages to pull herself together. “Hi, I’m Rosie, your roommate.” she manages to say albeit a bit awkwardly. - Don’t get her wrong, Rosie’s not this shy, but she can’t help but feel like a wreck after seeing to gorgeous people one after the other is too much for her lil’ gay heart okay? - Her roommate laughs and asks “You good? Or do you need a breather?” and Rosie is just there stunned embarrassed as she must have been staring for a bit too long. “Sorry, I- it’s been a long day.” she explains dumbly while her roommate just shoots her a good natured smile as she says “I was kidding, I’m Zoey by the way, nice to meet you roomie.”

Rosie is about to go off and sulk in her room but Zoey seems adamant and determined to get to know her roommate for the year. “Rosie, before you go and sulk in your room, wanna walk around campus with me? I promise I don’t bite, plus it’d be a good way to get to know each other?” says Zoey. - On one hand Rosie is seriously tired and wants to do nothing but just take a long afternoon nap but on the other hand Zoey is genuinely trying to be friendly and she wouldn’t want to seem rude so she sighs and begrudgingly agrees. (shoutout to pixelberry if i was writing this for them it would be a diamond choice. no shade i just wanted to throw a joke lol)

As soon as she gets ready to go, Zoey looks at her with a questioning glance. “What?” asks Rosie as she looks at the other girl. “You’re not wearing that are you? Please don’t tell me you’re wearing that?” said Zoey. “There’s nothing wrong with what I’m wearing” she argues as Zoey just shoots her an unamused glance. “Girl, wearing that is like joining the mathletes in high school, it’s social suicide, especially in this school where everyone wears designer.”

“You’re not being serious right?” and a raised eyebrow and a wry smile is all she gets as a response. “I’m being serious, unless you want to get roasted while we walk around on campus you better wear something better than that.” she says, face serious.

Zoey manages to find a few clothes that can be passable, but she can’t help but think that it’s missing something. She quickly runs off and goes to her room, and as soon as she’s back she holds a brand new YSL bag as well as a matching belt. Rosie is then urged by Zoey to get dressed and she does as fast as she can, after she just wants to get it over and done with, but as soon as she gets dressed Zoey is shocked and quickly snaps a photo of Rosie. “Am I good or what?” she asks as she shows the photo she took.

Rosie sighs as she weakly says “I have no idea how to even go about dressing like the others in this school.” Zoey looks at her as she shoots up off of her seat, “I can help with that.” and the two basically rummage around to find something Rosie can wear so that she can fit in with the rest of the school.

She would be lying if she didn’t think she looked good, to be fair she actually looked like one of the Belvoire students, sure her clothes weren’t as expensive but goddamn Zoey was good. She couldn’t help the whistle that comes out of her mouth as she looks at the photo. Rosie gives Zoey a mumbled “Thanks”, as she scratches her cheek, a little embarrassed that she even doubted her roommate who is apparently a fashionista.

Zoey goes off to get changed so that both her and Rosie match, whilst Rosie is wearing mostly pastel colours, Zoey goes for the muted navy blues. Zoey takes a selfie and posts it on her Instagram, after all she didn’t go through all that work not to show off, especially since she knows they both look good.

POPPY POV

Another day, another façade she has to put up. The mental toll of having to act a certain way around Belvoire to show that she was untouchable and undisputed as the reigning queen bee of the campus was really getting to Poppy. It irked her to no end, every single day being a repeat of everything she hated, having to pretend to be mean just so she can be the best of the best.

On days like these Poppy wishes she can go back to her childhood, where times were simpler and she didn't have to have all the worries of peer pressure and everything else around her. But the one thing she missed the most was the person that just made her feel complete. 'If only Rosie was here then maybe I wouldn't be as miserable as I feel.' she thought as she got ready for the day, however Poppy couldn't help but reminisce about the memories of Rosie, her heart broke as she remembered how things ended. Whilst she did miss Rosie, she did feel a bit bitter since she didn’t hear anything from Rosie even as the years passed and she would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel hurt that the one person she loved hasn’t done anything to contact her. It’s not like she changed her home address or her phone number, so how come Rosie didn’t speak to her? It’s like she’s moved on and forgotten about her, and that hurts more than she thought it would, the idea of Rosie moving on and forgetting her just stings and it hurts to the point where she feels like she can’t breathe.

Remembering where she was, Poppy snaps out of her daydreams as she begins to put her makeup on as well as the rest of her ensemble. Pink puffy jacket with a matching skirt is notorious around campus as the outfit itself has cemented its place in the minds of the students of Belvoire. Poppy was the HBIC of Belvoire after all, but her reputation was far from angelic. One could say Poppy was like a siren, beautiful yet an encounter with one could lead to a whole world of hurt, or in Poppy's case a whole lot of verbal lashing out. Sure Poppy looks sweet and delicate but she’s far from it, the people who have been victims to her words would probably say that if the devil exists then it would be in the form of Poppy.

She looks at the clock in her room as she rolls her eyes, Chloe was late, again. Contrary to popular belief, the queen bee actually holds her second in command in high regard, despite all the harsh words. To others it might seem serious but Chloe knows that Poppy is all bark and no bite, especially since the two are actually quite close, and on days where Chloe does get hurt Poppy is quick to reconcile with Chloe by bringing her her favourite snacks or whatever managed to catch Chloe’s attention that week.

She quickly sends Chloe and Veronica a text, “Are you hoes dead? WTF, we were supposed to meet up like half an hour ago???” All she got in response was a gif of a girl rolling her eyes from Veronica and a “Sorry :(“ from Chloe. “Whatever, just hurry up you two, I need my coffee stat.” Veronica just responds with "Yes princess, we all know about how mean you can get without your coffee."

Sooner than later both Veronica and Chloe make it to Poppy's room where they see her looking as pristine as ever. "Yo Poppy, you ready to head out?" They ask and Poppy just looks them up and down. "The next time you're late I'm gonna kick you." The other two don't even pay attention to the threat because they both know Poppy wouldn't do that and they both know that deep down Poppy actually considers them to be her friends.

"Well, considering you're all made up and ready, we should probably head out and wait for that Taylor girl to get you your coffee." said Chloe. Poppy just gets up and leaves without a word while the other two follow.

They make it to the courtyard of the campus where Poppy is waiting for her non-fat, no foam skimmed milk latte, emphasis on the non-fat. That Taylor girl better have her coffee ready for her or there will be hell to pay, she is after all the queen bee and it'll do her well to learn.

Speaking of the devil, said girl is running towards them with her hands full of coffee and then she trips, bits of coffee going on Poppy's shoes. Faster than you can say Mississippi, a shriek can be heard all throughout the campus. Considering how loud it was one would think it was a banshee screaming, so imagine everyone's shock when it turns out that the sound was coming from our resident queen bee.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! You dropped my coffee on my new season Jimmy Choos, you had one fucking job Tana or whatever your name is? You're so fucking stupid, oh my fucking God!" she screams.

Chloe and Veronica just look by, both with a yikes expression, they weren't exaggerating when they said that Poppy without her coffee is really bad but adding stained shoes to the mix definitely did nothing to gain Taylor any favours right now. Especially since they know that it's the first time Poppy's ever worn those shoes and yeah they don't really think they can save Taylor from getting ripped a new one. Chloe and Veronica are sure as hell not gonna go over and save her because a) if they even tried it'd probably make the situation worse and b) in all honesty, they don't really want to face Poppy's wrath on a Sunday morning.

There were already a few students on campus with their phones out, probably ready to send it to the T or just post it on their story for a quick source of entertainment, some might say that it's cruel but that's just what happens when a bunch of 20 somethings are bored with nothing else to do, especially since they're not going to face any consequences, the most they'll probably get as punishment is a slap of the wrist. It's not fair but considering that Belvoire is filled with kids from high society it's no surprise that they don't face any consequences. In the case of the Min-Sinclair heiress, half the faculty is terrified, considering her parents donate the most money to the school and they don't really want to risk their jobs.

Taylor looks like she's on the verge of tears, and in order to maintain her remaining dignity, she pulls herself up and get ready for the verbal lashing that's bound to come and Poppy's already coming closer by the second, ready to unleash her fury on the already quivering girl. She's about to scream at Taylor when a voice she hasn't heard before stands up for Taylor.

As soon as Poppy saw Rosie, she immediately feels bittersweet as she remembers how things ended, and she's shocked to her core because what the fuck? Why isn't Rosie on her side? Why is she standing up for this groupie who literally spilled her coffee on her brand new Jimmy Choos.

She rolls her eyes as she expects Rosie to remember her but she's surprised when Rosie actually stands up for that Tana girl or whatever. All that runs through Poppy's head is 'Has she forgotten about me? What the fuck Rosie?' All of the bitter thoughts return and rears its ugly head as Poppy's eyes blaze with anger, if it were anyone else they would have ran but Rosie isn't really one to back down. 'Fine, R, two can play that game, if you're gonna pretend that you don't know me then I'll just treat you like everyone else in this damn school.' A flash of hurt quickly shoots by Poppy's expression but it's gone before anyone can fully see it.

ROSIE POV

Rosie was walking around campus with Zoey, the other telling which building is for which department, she thought that the whole thing would be boring but from the quick and witty banter she had with Zoey, Rosie couldn't deny that she was actually enjoying herself. That is until an ungodly shriek is all she could hear.

Rushing towards the sound, worried that something was wrong, Rosie was shocked to see that it was nothing but a blonde haired girl angrily stomping towards her victim. From how loud the shriek sounded you would've thought it was a banshee and if it was any other day Rosie would've been impressed that a girl that small could manage to even sound that loud. Right now though, she wasn't impressed, especially since she could tell that the brown haired girl looks absolutely mortified and clearly afraid of the other girl.

"That's enough!" she yells, which successfully catches Poppy's attention. Rosie moves in front of the brunette as she faces the blonde girl. "You have no right to treat people that way! What's wrong with you?" This catches the attention of a few students and while a few stare in awe at the new girl, half the campus wince as they expect Rosie to get torn to shreds.

Poppy rolls her eyes as she looks at the new girl, "Who asked you, loser?" The words are spat out with so much venom that Rosie almost flinched but she doesn't. "No one did, but obviously you weren't taught any manners at all were you? Walmart Chanel Oberlin." she says as a few students let out a laugh while a few cheers for her. "Oh snap! Newbie isn't backing down."

"You just messed with the wrong person sweetheart, instead of worrying about people like her, it's me that you have to worry about. I'm gonna make sure that I'm your first and last memory of Belvoire, Farmsville." After seeing Poppy so close Rosie's head starts to hurt but she holds it in, she refuses to be seen flinching in front of this mean girl.

Students begin to clap as soon as the words escape Poppy's mouth. Another one yells "Yo Poppy, ask her what English sounds like in Farmsville!" Poppy smirks as she ignores the student. She looks at Rosie up and down as she says "Why would I ask her that if I can ask about her clothes, they're kind of cute for something pulled out of the dumpster."

Rosie keeps her cool. "My shoes? Well the thing is pumpkin, I make it my habit to squash my inferiors beneath my heel and I figured that it would add salt to injury if I did it using sneakers pulled from the dumpster." She looks at Poppy's white, gem encrusted shoes with needle thin heels as she says "Those shoes must make it hard to run from all the haters Poppy, and I for one can't wait to run over you."

Instead of taking Rosie as a threat, Poppy just makes a show of rolling her eyes as she claps her hands sarcastically. She didn't even look fazed. "It's so cute, how you think you can threaten me on my turf Farmsville. Especially since I barely understood those pig squeals coming out of your mouth. Let me give you some advice. Get out of this school and this is your last chance, before I make your life a living hell. You don't belong here so why don't you just waddle back to Iowa or whatever part of the country you're from."

Rosie, refusing to back down "You don't get to decide what I d-" but before she can finish her sentence, Poppy interrupts. "Hush little lamb. I'm talking, you're not the first middle-class hopeful to come to Belvoire, but the thing is they never fit in. This is my turf so I suggest you leave." Poppy shoves her phone in front of her face and she can see that Poppy's on top of a list called the T, meanwhile Poppy scrolls down and Rosie sees her name at the very end of the list with a really shitty nickname to start with. It says 'Newbee Hughes' and Rosie sees red.

"What the fuck is this?!" but once again she's interrupted by Poppy. "This is proof that you are a nobody, you don't have what it takes to make it in Belvoire, you'd be lucky to last five minutes." Despite the whole bitchy front she has going, Poppy is starting to regret half the words she says to Rosie. Her chest starts to hurt, like each word she says makes her feel worse and worse and she knows that as soon as she gets back to her room that the guilt will seep in. It's a kind of hollow pain, the one that builds up and turns her stomach to knots. Her heart is pounding in her chest and Poppy knows that as soon as she gets away from the crowd that her heart is going to falter and break, considering she doesn't mean anything she says. How could she? Especially since it's Rosie, the one person who she absolutely adores

She expects Rosie to back down but she doesn't. Instead of backing down like anyone else would Poppy is met with a defiant look from Rosie. "You know what, Poppy? I'm gonna have a blast making you eat those words once I pass you in the rankings. So just take a seat and watch as your ranking falls down, princess because I ain't backing down."

If it were any other situation, Poppy would have found Rosie endearing, after all she's still as stubborn as she remembers and as much as she wanted things to be the same with Rosie, she didn't think that Rosie knew or remembered her. She really regretted wishing that Rosie would appear. After all, the world has a fucked up sense of humour.

Before things can escalate any further, Rosie is pulled away by Zoey. "Hey Rosie! Look at the time, we're gonna miss lunch. Come on, we gotta go!" she says obviously in a hurry as she takes Rosie away by grabbing onto her wrist and rushing from the crowd.

The two sprint off in the other direction, only stopping once they were far enough from the rest of the crowd.

"Zoey? Why did you pull me away?! I wasn't done talking to Poppy! That girl needs to be taught a lesson." Rosie huffs, annoyed that she didn't get to finish what she was about to say to Poppy. Zoey just sighs as she says "I'll explain, let's just get out of here and go where I can explain what's happening." Rosie sighs in defeat as she's taken away by Zoey.

Rosie is led by Zoey to a bar - if she can even call it that, considering half the decor is probably worth more than her clothes right now - she looks on in awe and fascination. The bar itself had an air of mystery and sophistication around it, she couldn't quite place it but it seemed like it was the kind of place people traded information in secret, which was probably why Zoey took her there. Not to mention the fact that it's pretty far away from the prying eyes of the Belvoire students.

Zoey sits Rosie down as she begins to explain the social hierarchy of Belvoire. "If you want to know what's up with Belvoire and the website you saw, you better sit down and let me explain Rosie. There's a lot of shit going down in Belvoire. Sure it's an ivy league school but let's just say that since a few pupils are from old money, they can be kind of stuck up and that's putting it lightly."

Rosie quirks her eyebrow at the revelation, but then as she thought about it, everything kind of makes sense, the way everyone looked at Poppy with mixed expressions, a few students stared at her in awe and a few students looked on in fear. She sighs as she looks at Zoey. "That makes sense, especially since everyone seems to be scared of her, let me take a wild guess. She's at the top of the school hierarchy, right?" she asks and Zoey nods.

An idea clicks and Rosie looks at Zoey with a smile. "I have an idea." said Rosie as Zoey looks at her confused. "Help me take Poppy down." and her roommate just stares at her like she's crazy.

"Look, Rosie, not to be mean or anything but do you have any idea how crazy you sound right now? Poppy literally owns the school, everyone loves or wants to be her." Rosie just smirks at Zoey. "Yeah, I know that but if we play our cards right we can take her on. Plus you seem to know the inner workings of Belvoire well. We can take her down together, you know, mean girls style." she says it so confidently that Zoey just laughs. "You're insane, you know that? But, you seem pretty darn confident, so you know what? I'm in." The two share a smile.

Since they're already at a bar, they decided to go get a drink. As soon as Rosie approaches, the bartender is immediately rude and dismisses her as if she wasn't worth his time. "Sorry missy, we don't serve cosmos here, try somewhere else, maybe the Upper East side." Rosie can't help but think that everyone is trying to grind her gears today. Taking a deep breath, she makes eye contact with the bartender. "Well, I thought this was a bar? The place where people get their drinks?" The bartender scoffs, obviously unamused as he rolls his eyes at Rosie. "So entitled too, sorry girlie, we don't serve your type here. Go back to Fifth Avenue where you can hang out with the rest of the wannabe Instagram models."

'Too can play that game' thought Rosie. "Excuse me, where are your manners? I'm pretty sure that if your mother was here she'd wash your mouth with soap. Do you treat everyone like this? It's a wonder you even get any tips, considering how fucking misogynistic you are. I may not be from here but at least people have common courtesy where I'm from." her voice is sickly sweet, along with an extra dose of that Farmsville accent. Making sure to smile at him, much too forced to even be considered genuine. "But since the lighting is a bit dim, I guess you've mistaken me for someone I'm not. No worries, it happens to the best of us. I'll take those Manhattans now, thanks."

The bartender gawks at her, obviously surprised as he didn't expect the girl in front of him to fight back. He scurries off, obviously embarrassed as he gets the drinks ready.

As he gets the drinks ready, Rosie hears a giggle across the bar, and she makes eye contact with a woman. She looked amused as she raised a drink to Rosie, as if congratulating her. The woman before her has long black hair, and she's dressed in a pencil skirt, a white button up and a blazer that looks very good on her.

There's something alluring about this woman before her. The stare they share is magnetic and Rosie can't help but be intrigued. The woman looks distinguished and beautiful so much so, she finds it hard to look away.

"Can I help you?" asked Rosie as the woman looks at her. "I was just thinking that most people would have called for the manager and asked for him to get fired. It's surprising." Rosie would be lying if she said she wasn't interested in the woman before her, so she flirts back. "Well, you'd be glad to know that I am one of a kind."

The woman smiles at her and Rosie sees the bartender coming back with her drinks. "Here are your two Manhattans. Enjoy." Rosie gives him a polite smile as she thanks him for the drinks.

She makes her way back to Zoey and hands her the drink as she sits down on the armchair across the other girl. The two clink their glass against each other as they both take a sip. "To an afternoon without Poppy and her groupies. Cheers!" said Zoey. "Cheers to that mate! But also, I have a question for you Zoey. Why are you being so nice to me?"

Zoey just gives her a gentle smile as she explains. "Look, I'm new money like you, that makes us underdogs at Belvoire, and we're rookies so we have to stick together. Not gonna lie, you did the best and worst thing you could've done at Belvoire. You stood up to Poppy and let's just say seeing the queen bee of Belvoire shook was really funny."

"You know when you say that Poppy is the queen bee, does that have anything to with the whole ranking thing that she showed me?" asked Rosie. Zoey nods her head as she explains. "The website you saw is called 'The T' and it's basically a list of all students on campus. The numbers are the rank of each student and right now you're basically the dirt under Poppy's feet considering she's at the very top. It's a garbage system, but it's how Belvoire works. And to sum it up, each student is there, ranked by their popularity. Students from old money, campus celebs and legacy students are sitting comfy at the top."

This intimidates Rosie a bit, but she pushes on, wanting to learn more about Belvoire. "Let me guess, Poppy is all of those things." Zoey gives Rosie a serious look. "Poppy Min-Sinclair has ruled over Belvoire ever since she was a freshman. Everyone either loves or hates her, but it's not like they can do anything. She's at the very top, and this opens a lot of closed doors and opportunities. For example, Poppy's clubhouse, once you're in, you're set for life, or if you cross them, well they can basically ruin your life. Unfair, but that's how it works."

Rosie rolls her eyes as she says "Poppy's not that great. What do people see in her? Sure she's beautiful, but her personality is literally the equivalent of a dumpster fire. Sure she has size zero clothes but surely that shouldn't matter." This earns a laugh from Zoey who then explains. "True, but Poppy's clothes are always fresh from the runway and she's never been seen wearing the same thing twice. Not to mention the fact that everyone is absolutely terrified of Poppy and what she can do to them if she doesn't get her way. She expects people to grovel at her feet. Bad things happen to Poppy's enemies, the last person who stood up to her dropped out of school."

Refusing to believe Zoey, Rosie shakes her head. "She can't do that right? She can't have that much power." Zoey sighs. "Poppy's family is one of the top shareholders of the school. She has crazy power and she's not afraid of using it for her own gain, especially if it's getting rid of anyone in her way."

This angers Rosie even more. "Well, I'm not just going to stand by while she bullies everyone into submission, I don't care if i get hurt, she needs to be stopped." Zoey smiles. "Well, you've already showed her that you have a backbone and that you're not afraid of her, and a lot of people noticed. I'm pretty sure that videos have been uploaded to The T."

As if on cue, her phone buzzes and she whips it out as they read the latest post from The T.

Breaking News

'Queen Bee finally has a worthy opponent. It looks to me like this feisty newcomer might just be the one to dethrone the queen.'

Kisses,

The T

Zoey looks shocked as she exits the article and sees the ranking. "Oh my God! Rosie you've gone up on the rankings! Your little stint at campus made you rise up." Rosie looks as her name zips through the rankings, and she sees that she's not last place anymore.

"What the hell?! I'm suddenly number 197? What's happening?" she asks, obviously confused. Zoey just grins at her. "Girl, you're catching up to me. That's what happens when you stand up to the queen bee of Belvoire. You start a revolution. And look, people are commenting about your new outfit and the designer's website is crashing. I told you that it would be a good idea to change, you owe me."

Rosie is surprised, she didn't expect to have caught people's attention this fast. "How can I win against Poppy when she wants me out of here and she's already the most powerful person in the school?"

"There's two ways. The first option is to grovel at Poppy's feet and ask for forgiveness." said Zoey and Rosie's face contorts into a frown. "Or you can keep going up the rankings and steal Poppy's crown." This catches Rosie's attention. "Now you've got my attention." Zoey smirks, "It's about time that someone dethrones Poppy, and you have my full support."

Rosie's eyes soften as she flashes a genuine smile at Zoey. "Thanks Zoey, you have no idea how much that means to me." As soon as she finishes her drink Zoey tells her that's she's going to back to campus, and Rosie decides to stay back and maybe flirt a little bit more with the woman she met earlier.

"You go on ahead Zoey, I'm gonna check out the bar again." Zoey says her goodbyes as she heads out and Rosie makes her way to the bar.

She approaches the woman who smiles at her. "You came back, I was beginning to worry that you might not."

"I couldn't leave without saying thanks. And besides, I couldn't just leave you all alone." She winks and the woman chuckles obviously amused and captivated. "You're clever aren't you?" Rosie just shrugs as she says "It's about time someone noticed." The other woman scans Rosie up and down, as she introduces herself. "My name's Ina, what's yours?"

"Hi, Ina. As previously discussed, I'm clever." Ina takes your hands into her as she chuckles. "What? You're not gonna give me your name?" Rosie laughs, light and easy, she would be lying if she didn't find Ina attractive, but she wasn't one to sleep around. "Well, I'm quite new to the city, and at least buy a girl dinner first. It's nice to meet you, Ina. I have to go though, considering I have stuff to do tomorrow, and staying up late would probably be a really bad idea." said Rosie as she pulls away, however before she leaves she says "Maybe next time?" Ina looks at her as she walks away completely entranced and intrigued by the girl she just met. She can't wait to see her again.

Rosie rushes off home and gets ready for bed, considering she has classes to attend tomorrow.

When she wakes up, Zoey's already in the kitchen making breakfast and Rosie just mumbled a "Good morning" as she gets ready for the day. As soon as she wakes up she ask Zoey where to find Chamberlin hall, and the other girl offers to take her there.

Zoey leads Rosie to one of the buildings on campus. "Here it is, Chamberlin Hall. Have fun, be a good student and remember to meet for lunch at Spicey's. See you later Rosie." And as soon as she says her goodbye, Zoey's gone.

Rosie walks over to a seat where she finds Chloe, who sees her and gives her a gentle smile. "Hey, you're Rosie right? I don't know if you're insane or just not intimidated by her but I'll give you props. But seriously though, you should probably stop antagonizing Poppy, I wouldn't want to go against you." said Chloe as Rosie looked at her, obviously perplexed. "What do you mean?" Chloe sighs as she explains. "I'm one of Poppy's best friends and I would hate to go against you since you don't seem that bad, but if you are planning to go against Poppy then we'll be enemies." That shocks Rosie because who knew someone as sweet as Chloe would be friends with a mean girl like Poppy.

"I know you probably think that Poppy's just a mean girl, but she took me under her wing and helped me out when I was having a tough time at Belvoire, so I won't hesitate to stand up for her." Rosie just nods, but internally she's confused because why would someone like Poppy help someone out?

Her train of thought is broken as she hears someone clear their throat, and as she looks at the front she sees Ina, or in this case Professor Kingsley, who looks just as shocked as she does. Rosie has half a mind to drop this class considering she literally flirted with her Professor without knowing. Ina just stares slack jawed as she sees Rosie, obviously surprised and flustered.

Meanwhile Rosie just facepalms. -You have got to be fucking kidding me. At least I didn't sleep with her, that would've been a big fuck up. - she thinks as she ignores Ina.

A/N: hi guys! This is the second chapter of free falling, yes, yes I'm setting the scene for Poppy and Rosie. And just in case you forgot, Rosie has no memories of Poppy, except the fact that she remembers that she had a childhood friend who was blonde. Meanwhile Poppy remembers everything about her. Next chapter will possibly focus a bit more on Poppy and MC's relationship. I gotta build up the drama somehow lol. But anygays, feel free to request anything. If I know the character I'll probably write for them lol. But yes uwu uwu. This is probably full of mistakes but I hope you still enjoyed. But also oh no! Rosie thinks chloe is someone that was once close to her and right now she hates Poppy's guts. 👀 friends to enemies to lovers lol

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bhaalspawnd · 3 years

Text

no gods, no masters, iii.

Pairing: Benny x F!Courier

read ch. 1 here, read ch. 2 here. read ch. 3 on ao3.

They were all feeling a bit beaten-up after fending off the Legion; the victory was just that, but it felt hollow. They'd be sending assassins after Ava until there were none of them left or she kicked the bucket. The latter was unlikely. She was being quiet as usual, but this quiet felt different. She wouldn't stop looking over her shoulder, a vacant stare in her eye as she did so, and her pace had slowed down considerably compared to the last few days.

The ambush had taken more of their time and energy than they'd planned, and they decided to stop at the 188 Trading Post for the night. There were a handful of NCR soldiers occupying the spot, so it'd be safer than just stopping on the side of the road or off the trail. There were no free beds to spare, but all they needed was a relatively safe place where they wouldn't have to sleep with one eye open; nobody was new to the occasional necessity of sleeping on the ground.

Once they found their own little area to hold up for the evening, the Courier sat down to rest and make a fire. They gave her some space. Boone pulled Benny aside, far enough so that Ava wouldn't hear.

"Right, so," Benny stuck his wrists out in front of Boone, "Gonna leash me back up, huh?"

Boone shook his head, "Actually, no. At least... not now, anyway. That's up to her. About today-"

"Oh, yeah," Benny chewed his lip, taking the gun out of his waistband, "Here you go."

He held it out for the other man to take, but Boone waved his hand, "Keep it. For here. Just in case."

Benny gave him a funny look, "You sure, cat?"

"Yeah," He nodded, glancing behind Benny in Ava's direction, "Just... watch her, alright? She's hurting."

"I will-" Benny moved to stick the pistol back in his pants, but not before Boone grabbed his arm.

"Take advantage, or try anything and I swear to god," Boone said, lowering his shades to look Benny straight in the eye, "I'm not far away. I will be watching, and I will put a bullet in you."

"You're gonna have to come up with a new threat," Benny replied with ire, "That one's getting stale, dig?"

"Be less of an asshole and then maybe I won't have to threaten you." Boone rolled his eyes and turned to walk away. He whistled for Rex, who trotted to the sniper's side and followed along obediently to keep watch.

Boone's 10mm in hand, Benny made his way back to check on Ava. He stashed the gun in the back of his waistband again, hoping he wouldn't need to use it. At least, not tonight, anyway.

Ava was sitting in front of the small campfire she'd made, her legs splayed out in front of her, the toes of her boots tapping together to some beat only she could hear. There was a bottle of whiskey in her lap, and it looked like she was making solid headway on it.

"Hey, hey," Benny crouched down next to her, "What's shakin'?"

"Benny," She turned to him, a dazed smile on her face, "I’m trying to get drunk. Shakin' with you?"

"Ah, nothin' much," He settled down, stretching his legs out next to hers, "Gettin' smashed, huh? Can I get some of that?"

"Mmmmmhm," She hummed, handing him the bottle and watching as he took a deep swig, "It's good shit."

"It's... not bad," Benny swished it around a bit before swallowing, "Got better shit at the Tops, though."

"Yeah, yeah, you're so high and mighty at the Tops, aren't you," Ava poked him hard in the side with her finger, her eyes hazy, "'Benny's gonna show you the Tops', hah."

"Shut up," He snickered, "I did, though. The dent in that mattress was permanent."

She looked over at him, the light from the fire dancing on her features, "I remember."

It was astonishing how terrifyingly stunning she was. That handful of months ago now, when she'd been kneeling on the ground in front of him, her life flashing before her eyes, she'd just looked like a kid, nothing more than a clueless girl who had no idea what kind of package she was carrying.

How had that not been enough in itself to make him reconsider what he’d been doing at the time? He hadn't even thought twice; once he had that chip between his fingers, it was a done deal. He could've let her go, she probably wouldn't have come looking. Even the Great Khans had reservations about the whole thing, but it hadn't stopped him. Shit. He was a piece of shit, an untrustworthy fink, and he knew it. She knew it. Everyone knew it.

Benny looked over at her out of the corner of his eye, "Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

Benny rolled his eyes, "Good goddamn lord, woman."

"I'm fucking with you," Ava mused, "Go ahead."

"Last night in Novac. And... earlier today," Benny started carefully, "You, uh, kinda freaked. You looked really messed up."

Ava looked down at her hands, averting her gaze, "Yeah."

"What happened?"

"Ah.... yeah... so, my head does that every now and then," She answered with tight lips, "Ever since... y'know, I got a bullet to the brain from this checkered bastard I know."

"Right," He said guiltily, "Shit."

What could he say that wouldn't sound stupid or disingenuous? He'd shot her in the fucking head and now she was living with the consequences. God, there was a lot he wanted to tell her, but none of it would come out the way he wanted it to.

He sat next to her, quietly cursing himself when she spoke up again, "I get these like... migraines mixed with small bursts of panic attacks. I don't understand them. I've even asked a doc and he doesn't know. I have dreams all the time about people that I don’t recognize. I see their faces and it’s like I’m supposed to know them and I just don’t," She sighed, the heaviness of the conversation beginning to sober her, “And even when I’m awake, sometimes, I see them, too. In the back corner of a mirror, in the desert heat, they're just watching me. Like I'm riding on Daytripper in a bad way, but I'm stone-cold sober. I'm living with ghosts, Benny. People I'm supposed to know, to feel something for, but all they do is confuse me and make my head spin."

Benny frowned, "You don't remember them. Not at all?"

"No. Don't even know if they're dead or alive. It's not like anybody's come looking for me," Ava shook her head, taking a small yellow and green box out of her pocket that said MENTATS on it in rusted red lettering, "The way I see it, everyone from my past is dead, or I'm dead to them. Or I'm just not someone worth searching for."

She said it with bitterness, her brows furrowed and eyes glued to the horizon as she popped a Mentat on her tongue.

"Do they help?" Benny asked, gesturing to the box of chems as Ava rubbed her thumb across the letters.

"Kinda? I mean, everything from before Goodsprings is a blank. I haven't forgotten anybody I've met since then, but I get these, like, little flashes of moments that seem like they're mine, but they're not. At least, not mine anymore. That's when it hurts. When it turns into something like what happened today. I saw somewhere else, like here, but worse. More desolate, if you can believe that. It was like the whole place was in pain, screaming at me. Kinda think it's better that I don't remember."

She shoved the Mentats back into her pocket and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as she filled herself with the dry Mojave air, "Everything before Goodsprings doesn't matter anymore, not really. Who I was before is gone. I just want to make sure I remember who I am now."

There was a beat of silence, the two of them just sitting and staring at the fire as the wind began to pick up around them. Ava tucked her knees up and rested her chin on them as she stared at the sun slowly making its way towards the edge of the world.

"I'll make sure you don't forget," Benny said quietly, "Been a goddamn fink to you so... I owe you that much. I'll never stop being sorry. I mean that."

Ava turned her head to look over at him, her brows slightly raised in disbelief at his words.

"And for what it's worth, if anything at all," He continued, "I think you're someone worth searching for."

Her eyes softened; he'd never seen her look at him that way before. It was something like... fondness? Appreciation? A lapse in judgment from the whisky and chems? Whatever it was, it pulled at the corners of his mouth. Ava smiled back, the first real one he'd ever seen from her, and it was infectious. Her cheeks dimpled, and she looked almost a little nervous before she settled into it, which made Benny wonder just how many reasons she'd even have to smile these days. A gust of wind blew through their camp, and Ava visibly shivered. Wordlessly, Benny shrugged his jacket off and put it over her shoulders.

"I'm still really fuckin' mad at you," She whispered, "But thank you, Benny."

She didn't wait for him to reply before she scooted closer to him so that their sides were touching. Ava reached for his arm and gently slung it over her shoulders as she rested her head against his chest. He was stiff for a moment, not quite sure if this was a sick joke or not, but when she didn't do anything else besides lean into him, he finally relaxed.

The girl knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to take it; he dug that.

They sat for a while, neither of them saying a word, as the sky grew darker and darker. Vegas glowed like a lantern off in the distance, a stark contrast to the rest of the Mojave bathed in black. With how brightly the skyline shone, the stars had a hard time competing, even though the sky was littered with them. It wasn't often that Benny spent a night out in the dust - that was now more a thing relegated to a former life - and though he wasn't one to live in the past, he couldn't help but feel a pang of nostalgia as he stared up at the constellations. Years of his life spent as a nomad walking the Mojave with the Boot Riders, countless nights just like this, and how quickly he'd tossed it all aside for caps and comfort. He'd have done all that again, he knew, but as he felt Ava relax fully against him, he had more than one regret in the back of his mind. Benny was careful as he glanced down at her, her eyes closed and mouth slightly open as she slept soundly on his shoulder, and gently moved some of the hair away from her face. As he did, his eyes caught the edge of the scar from the bullet.

Yeah, sure-as-shit, more than one regret.

#should I keep posting this here or just updating on ao3 #I don't know #anyway *throws it into the void*#benny x courier #benny gecko #courier six #oc: ava #oc: ava decker #*my writing #otp: born to die

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nblesbianbenhanscom · 3 years

Text

you can read it on ao3 too. link is in the notes.

***

When Billy wakes up in the hospital, all he can hear is the sound of some dumbass machine beeping. He wants to make it stop, but when he goes to pull the blanket away, he’s stopped by the tubes and bandages.

He looks down at himself, frowning. He tries to think back, but all he remembers is getting in his car-- Steve Harrington slamming into his Camaro with an unknown car-- to go to Karen’s.

Had there been an accident? Had Harrington been involved somehow? He’s not sure and his head is beginning to throb so he decides to go back to sleep.

When he wakes up again, Max is sitting next to him in a guest chair, tears streaming down her cheeks as she holds his hand. They are alone. He wants to ask her what’s wrong, but then she begins to talk.

“Billy, you fucking asshole, you better stop this shit. Just wake up, please.”

Billy clears his throat and Max jumps as she looks up his face. Her eyes are wide, her hair a mess.

“Billy?” She whispers.

His mouth and throat are dry as he says, “Who were you expecting? Santa Claus?” It barely comes out as a whisper.

Letting out a strangled half sob, Max gets up and hesitates. He watches her blink several times.

“Billy, oh my god, you’re okay!” She leans forward and gives him an awkward hug. He pats her back, totally confused.

“Yeah, shitbird, why wouldn’t I be?” He asks.

Slowly she pulls back and looks at him. “You don’t remember?”

He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. He remembers a room, hot and humid, the sauna? At the pool? He’s locked in. Max is at the window.

I’ve done things, Max. Really… bad things. I didn’t mean to. He made me do it.

Billy shakes his head, no.

He made me do it? Billy thinks to himself. He who? Neil? No, not Neil. A shadow?

“I’m gonna go get a doctor,” Max says. She gets up and leaves quickly.

He’s not alone for long before a team of nurses and doctors come in and begin poking, prodding, and asking him questions.

At one point he looks over at the door and sees Max looking at him from the hall. There’s a girl next to her. A girl that shouldn’t be there. Billy’s not sure why, but she really shouldn’t.

Had he dreamt her? Had she died?

He can’t remember, and then someone asks him a question that he doesn’t know the answer to. He closes his eyes to try to answer but when he opens them again, both girls are gone.

Over the next few days, Billy drifts in and out of consciousness. Sometimes he wakes up alone, but more often Max is there. The impossible girl is there with her the most, but sometimes it’s Harrington or one of the kids. Sometimes he opens his eyes and it’s like his room has been invaded by quiet and subdued teeanagers. Sometimes he talks to whoever is in his room, but often he says nothing.

The weirdest times are when he wakes up alone with Steve, although this is probably in part because Steve is almost always asleep. Billy can’t understand why Steve of all people would want to be here alone with Billy.

***

It takes Billy several days to piece together what happened in the span of just a few days, all the death and destruction. Billy remembers bits and pieces, and he is flooded with guilt every time he sees the impossible girl, El. She was Chief Hopper’s daughter, but that didn’t make sense either. More people would know that Hopper had a daughter, right?

The one thing no one wants to answer is what happened to his car. Sometimes he thinks he remembers a crash, but he isn’t sure why.

One day he wakes up to find Steve staring at him from the guest chair. He’s sitting with his fist under his chin and Billy’s sure he’s not really seeing Billy.

Steve jumps when Billy clears his throat.

“Hey,” Steve says.

“Hey.” Billy keeps studying him. “Are you ok?”

Steve shakes his head a little. “I have some bad news.”

Scowling, Billy shakes his head. He cannot even begin to guess what Steve is going to tell him, how things could possibly get worse.

“Your dad sold your car to the junkyard this morning,” Steve says.

Throat tightening, Billy shakes his head a little. “Why?”

Steve chews on his lip. “Because I rammed the mayor’s car into it and totaled it that night.”

“The mayor’s car?” Bill asks.

He’s sitting behind the wheel of the Camaro, looking right at the kids, at his sister. His body is flooded with hate and anger and fear.

There is a loud crash as another car hits his, and he’s knocked around.

“Yeah, we kind of stole it,” Steve says.

Rubbing his cheek a little, Billy lets the news wash over him and then something clicks. He begins to shake so he pulls his blanket closer.

“I’m really sorry, Billy,” Steve says. “We tried to stop him, I tried to buy it off of him, but he wouldn’t listen.”

Billy shifts as he tries to figure out what to say as he bites back bitter tears. Everything hurts in a whole new way. He wants to go to sleep; he wants to go back in time to that night he’d left to meet Karen; he wants to go home to California.

He wants his mom.

“Billy?”

“Shut up,” Billy snaps. “Just shut up and leave me alone.” He doesn’t want Steve to see him like this. He covers his face with his arm as he lets out a small sob. He feels stupid. He’s alive and healing, he shouldn’t be fucking crying about something as stupid as this.

“I cleaned out your car before your dad sold it,” Steve murmurs. He sets a plastic grocery sack on the bed.

Billy lowers his arm and he chokes back a sob as he sits up and opens the bag. There’s some lighters, a bunch of cassettes, and an old battered shoe box. He wants to ask if Steve went through the box, but he’s so flooded with relief all he can do is pull the box close. With shaking fingers, he opens it and swallows hard.

The box is full of things from his mom that he wanted to keep hidden from Neil. Letters, notes, birthday cards, and several pictures. There are a few cassette tapes that shed’ forgotten when she left. When he was younger, he’d listened to them on low volume in the front room, and then later he’d made mixed tapes from them so he could hide the originals. He knew if his dad found any of these things, they’d get destroyed and then he’d probably beat the shit out of Billy. Billy had carried the box in his backpack as a kid until he finally got his car and he’d shoved the box away so Neil wouldn’t find it.

The most important thing though, was a small stuffed dog that had lost most of its stuffing over the years. He takes it out and holds it so, so gently with one hand and begins to stroke its ear.

Pulling it close, he covers his face again and begins to sob, his whole body shaking.

“Thank you,” Billy mumbles when he’s finally calmed down enough to talk. “Thank you.”

“It was nothing,” Steve says.

Billy drops his arm and looks up at the other man.

“No, Steve. It isn’t nothing. It’s everything.” Still clutching the dog, Billy reaches out and grabs Steve’s sleeve tugging him down. He knows he’s not gripping hard, but Steve comes easily. Billy wraps an arm awkwardly around Steve’s shoulders. It’s hard. The tubes get in the way, tugging a little painfully, and his whole body protests at the movement, at the touch, but he doesn't care. Steve is unsure at first, but eventually he wraps his arms gently around Billy.

“Thank you,” Billy whispers into Steve’s neck.

When they pull apart, Billy clears his throat and glances in the box again. With a heavy sigh, he closes it but keeps the dog under his arm. The dog had helped him through some of the worst nights of his childhood, and it has a comforting familiarity. He’s not even worried that Neil will see it because Neil hasn’t once visited him in the hospital.

Sighing, Billy lays back on his pillows. He watches Steve sit back down. He curls in on himself a little and turns to stare out the window. Billy falls asleep staring at him.

When he wakes up again, he’s still clutching the dog. Steve is gone and in his place Billy finds El and Max curled up in the chair reading comic books together.

***

The following weeks are hard. The dog never leaves Billy’s side and no one says shit. Steve comes alone every couple of days, and is often the one to bring Max.

No one brings up Neil, and Billy is too scared to think about what might be waiting for him there. He tries to not think about home , but when his dreams aren’t about him being flayed, they are him cold and alone on the street. Logically he knows this probably won't happen. There have been enough lawyers sniffing around, talking about getting him a settlement, but Billy doesn’t really want to be alone just yet, which is really frightening for him. He’s not used to needing anyone for anything, but considering he has a hard time walking on his own many days, he feels justified in not wanting to live alone.

One morning, close to when he’s supposed to get released, Billy wakes up in a cold sweat clutching his small dog. His throat hurts and he thinks he’s been screaming again. He stares up at the ceiling as he tries to catch his breath.

“That happen often?” Steve asks from the doorway.

“Wuh?” Billy jumps and looks at the door. “Jesus, Harrington, we need to put a bell on you or something.” He laughs, but it’s hollow.

“Sorry.” Steve folds himself in the chair. He leans on the arm and looks up at him. “So does it?”

“Does what?”

“The screaming nightmares. I could hear you from the goddamn elevator. Surprised nurses didn’t come running in.”

Shrugging, Billy asks, “What’s it to you, pretty boy?”

Steve smiles a little and shrugs. “Figure I have a right to know what my roommate gets up to in the middle of the night.”

Frowning, Billy asks, “Roommate?”

“Yeah… I mean if you want. I talked to Max and Susan and they think you would probably rather not live with Neil any more.” Steve sighs a little. “Robin’s been itching to move out, and like, this is the perfect excuse, honestly.” Steve chews on his lip and Billy just kind of stares at him numbly.

“No bullshit?” Billy asks finally.

“No bullshit.”

Pressing his lips together, Billy shakes his head, no, and sinks lower into the bed. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Steve says softly, genuinely confused, although that’s not hard for Steve.

“Because I don’t have any money, fuck face!” Billy snaps. Steve blinks once and busts up laughing. “Are you serious right now?” Billy growls.

Laughing so hard he’s actually crying, Steve wipes his cheek. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I forgot the lawyers haven’t been up yet, but Joyce and Hopper helped get a huge settlement for you. All your medical bills are going to be taken care of, of course, but you’ll also be getting a monthly allowance for the rest of your life. Dude, you never have to work if you don’t want to.”

It’s Billy’s turn laugh, but laughing hurts and his tears are more from pain but he ignores them.

“No shit?” Billy asks.

“No shit.”

Billy opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He never has to go back to his dad’s house again. He can hardly believe it. He pulls the dog closer and takes a deep breath.

“Yeah, ok,” Billy says eventually.

Steve smiles at him. “It’s gonna be great, you’ll see.”

“Mhmm,” Billy says and begins to idly fiddle with his hospital bracelet while Steve starts telling him about the apartment. It’s not great, but it’s pretty nice, and big, and Steve just goes on and on about plans for cooking and parties and just everything sounds so nice.

And for the first time in a really long time, Billy can feel himself to start getting excited for the future.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #lil fic #came up with the saddest headcanon last night right before bed #and then i woke up and just had to write it #hope you like it #just a lil bit o fluff

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goldenchan-fx2thepeacock · 3 years

Text

Don’t Go Running Off Into Danger, Even If I Do pt 2

So, I have no clue what a publishing schedule is. So here, have more of this dumb fic at 11 pm. FUCK SLEEP! SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!

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Chapter 2

Danny and Jazz managed to finish just in time to put everything away before their parents got home. He’d actually managed to have a ghost free night. But the peace wasn’t going to last. And this wasn’t about ghosts. He got slammed into his locker. “Hey look, it’s Fenturd. What’s with the dumb picture of Phantom? You’ll never be on his level,” Dash said and laughter broke out. Danny groaned. At least they didn’t know he was trans. He’d be beaten twice as much if they knew. The locker door closed and locked. “Seriously Dash? I have to get to class!” He yelled through the metal. “Whatever Fentina. No one cares! Oh hey, it’s fresh meat!” Dash went away from Danny’s locker. Danny had found out a way to make it so he could open his locker from the inside without it being outerwardly compromised. He jumped out. It was those kids from last night. “Leave them alone Dash. They haven’t even been here for a day yet. The rules are that newbies get a probation period,” Danny crossed his arms. “I don’t know Fentoenail. Would you like to take their beating?” Dash mocked him. Danny sighed. He’d have to do this. “Any day,”

Danny regretted everything. Dash had hit him twice as hard as normal and his locker trick wasn’t working. Everything hurt. He was going to miss Lancer’s class. At least his ghost sense wasn’t going off or something. Lancer wouldn’t miss him. Suddenly, his locker opened and he tumbled out. He yelped. “Are you okay?” The girl twin said. “No worse than what I’m used to,” Danny brushed himself off. “You didn’t have to do that,” The boy twin told Danny. “Yeah, I kinda did. The probation period is sacred. Dash knows that,” “Probation period?” The boy said. “A rule we made up last year. If Dash really wants to break it, I take the beating instead. Fenton gets to take the beating so the new kids don’t have to,” “That’s not fair. You should report him,” “Nah, he threw like four perfect throws last night and is exempt from punishment,” “Football?” The boy gave Danny a knowing look. “Danielle- I mean Daniel Fenton to the main office,” The loud speaker said. “Oh come on! At least it was probably just a misread,” Danny was fuming. The beating plus being deadnamed was getting on his nerves. “We have to head there too,” The girl said. Danny shrugged and let them follow him.

Lancer called them all in at once. “Sup Lancer. Can I help you?” Danny leaned against the wall. “Mr Fenton. You and I both know that you need to show me more respect. W-what happened to you?” Lancer looked up from his papers. “Just a certain football star. Nothing I can’t handle. He broke the probation period,” “That’s a rule between students. I have no need to enforce it,” Lancer sighed. “I have no clue why you of all people were chosen for this, but you are too be Mr and Ms Pines guide around the school,” “Jazz not good enough for you? Had to pick the ‘slacker’ Fenton?” “Daniel, mind your tone. Jazz is our top student,” “We all know I’m destined to fail in life. Can I get their timetables?” “Yes of course. Listen Danny, both you and I know you’re capable of better grades. I don’t understand why you don’t try,” Danny wasn’t in the mood for Lancer’s pep talks. “I’ve got more important things to worry about,” Danny grabbed the papers and stalked off with the Pines Twins on his heels. “Why didn’t he do anything about Dash?” the boy asked. “He has no reason to. Not like I’m about to ask,” Danny handed them their timetables. He’d seen that the girl was named Mabel and the boy Mason. “We’ll start with your classes Mason,” “I prefer Dipper,” “I’m not calling you by a dumb nickname. Let’s go,” Danny growled.

Just as he was about to lead Mason to his first class, a royal pain in his ass showed up. “Daniel! I require your assistance, little badger,” “It’s bound to be another plan to get in my mom’s pants. Go away,” “Now, don’t be like that. I’m the mayor after all. You should be honored,” “Plasmius, shut your goddamn mouth. I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck,” Danny said so that only Vlad could hear. “Well, something’s got you in a tizzy. I’ll ask later. I should tell you though, it’s about Danielle,” “What did you do to Dani?” Fury. Wait, he had to get the kids to class. “Nothing. It wasn’t me. You should ask your ghost hunter girlfriend,” Vlad grinned. Fucking Valerie. “Come on kids. You’ve got to get to class,” Danny ignored Plasmius. Valerie was going to die.

At lunch, he purposefully turned into Phantom and waited for Valerie on top of the school. She took no time at all. “What. Did. You. Do. To. Dani,” He glared at her. “I didn’t do anything to her! You’re going down ghost!” “Am I really?” Danny was pissed. She wasn’t getting any mercy today. He teleported behind her. “What the... HOW?” “Where is she?!” He growled. “What do you care? She’s always off on her own,” “Does it look like I care Valerie?!” “How did you know?!” “I know more than you seem to think. Tell me where Dani is. NOW!” He froze her feet. She looked terrified. “What’s wrong with you!? Why do you care so much about her? Ghosts don’t have feelings,” Danny lost it at that point. The laughter was dark. Hollow. Horrible. Val’s terror was visible. “Don’t have feelings? DON’T HAVE FEELINGS? FUCK YOU! I’M SO TIRED OF ALL THIS!” “Phantom, calm down,” Val was terrified. Danny wasn’t done. The rings were threatening to come down and expose him to her. “So you admit this is real? Would you like to know how it feels to die Val? How it feels to live on the line between life and death? Wait, I can’t do that! You don’t have a deactivated portal in your basement that I can make you turn on while your inside. I don’t have a stupid jumpsuit with your dad’s face on it so I can take off the that sticker. You don’t have parents that threaten to rip you apart molecule by molecule for just exsisting! You don’t have to see a future where you become evil because you cheated on one test and your family all died! Can you even begin to comprehend what I go through? Ever been cloned? And forced to do something incredibly painful so that one clone can get fixed and watch another get lied too? And that’s just the brunt of it Valerie. Keep telling me how I don’t feel. How I’m nothing!” Danny screamed at ice engulfed their feet. Val’s eyes went wide. “D-Danny?” She said quietly. “Congratulations! You aren’t as niave as the rest of Amity Park! How does it feel?” He’d snapped. “Calm down! I’ll tell you where Dani is!” She shrieked. That hollow laugh came back. But instead of an angry rant afterwards, he just sunk to his knees and screamed. It wasn’t a wail. It was a scream of pain. Of being done with the world. “I can’t do this anymore,” He sobbed and the rings went down. All that was left now was a beaten, broken Danny Fenton. “You should change back. I’ll take you to Dani,” Danny nodded and followed her. “Sorry I broke down. I’m just sick of people telling me that I can’t feel. That all ghosts can’t feel. You don’t even bother talking to us, ya know?” “Ghosts lie,” “And so do people! I’ve talked to the ghosts. Listened to them. Heard their stories. I protect people, but I protect them too!” “How do you know those aren’t just acts?” “Cause they make sense. I’d have the same response if it was me. If my parents burned down the place I was in because I got caught being gay,” “I’m confused,” “Ember. I told her I wouldn’t tell anyone. But you need to know that they all have reasons for being the way they are. Skulker’s family was hunted, so now he hunts to prove his strength,” “Maybe we should talk to you more,” “Maybe you should. No one asks to die,” “But your parents say that ghosts don’t remember their lives. They’re the leading experts,” “That’s like putting a ten year old in a room of babies. They’re the expert by default in that situation, but an adult would be the expert the moment they walked in,” “Why don’t we know about that,” “Dying is traumatizing. Even half dying is traumatizing. It’s taboo to mention it unless you’re told. No one explains it until they’re ready. And talking about a life before that is almost wrong,” “How did you learn?” “Skulker told me during the Christmas Truce. Ember told me one day when she just wanted to be left alone, but I did too. I guess things end up working out in weird ways,” “The Christmas Truce?” “On Christmas Eve and Christmas, ghosts have a truce. No one is allowed to fight anyone that day. The Ghost Writer broke the truce and Walker got to haul him off in just means,” “We really know nothing about ghosts, do we?” “No, you don’t. They even have a party. I got invited last year. Skulker let me make the star! It took me weeks to get it right,” Danny smiled at the memory. He’d made a scale model of a blue giant that went through it’s life stages. “So there’s a whole society?” “A government. Systems. Main rules. Taboos. Just cause we’re ghosts, doesn’t mean we don’t have a system,” “I’m sorry,” “What?” Danny nearly froze. “I’m sorry that I made so many assumptions. I never should’ve chased you or any ghost like that,” “Keep them out of Amity Park and send them back to the Zone. Most ghosts forget that living is dangerous, so they just rampage. I keep trying to talk sense into them, but they’re pretty stubborn,” “What about the dog?” “Dog? You mean Cujo? I was trying to stop him from trashing Axiom. He was trying to get a toy. I’m sorry that recked your life Val,” “My life? Wrecked? When compared to you, my life is a dream. It’s not like I died,” “I guess you’ve got a point,”

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Thanks for reading. I just like fics where Val finds out, and this one seemed like an okay place to stick it. Dani is fine. I’ll fill you in on that next chapter, but I should get some sleep.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #trans!danny #trans!dipper #danielle (dani) phantom #valerie gray #mr lancer #red huntress #cujo #skulker #ember #ghost writer #christmas truce #gravity falls #dipper pines #mabel pines #I know Dipper's real name because I learned about the series through journal three #ocs

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myfanwymusings · 3 years

Photo

TAYLOR SWIFT / EVERMORE

The following is a collection of lyric sentence starters from Taylor Swift’s ninth studio album evermore. Some lyrics have been slightly modified for ease of role-playing. Feel free to change any tense or pronouns. May contain mature content. This has been reposted from my old blog.

WILLOW

I’m rough on the surface, but you cut through like a knife

If it was an open-shut case I never would have known from the look on your face

Lost in your current like a priceless wine

The more that you say, the less I know

Wherever you stray, I follow

I'm begging for you to take my hand

I'm begging for you

I can feel you sneaking in

There was one prize I'd cheat to win

They count me out time and time again

Anywhere else is hollow

That's my man

I come back stronger than a '90s trend

Wait for the signal, and I'll meet you after dark

I'll meet you after dark

Show me the places where the others gave you scars

This is an open-shut case

I should’ve known from the look on your face

Hey, that's my man

Yeah, that's my man

CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS

You booked the night train for a reason

Your heart was glass, I dropped it

You told your family for a reason

You dropped my hand while dancing, left me out there standing

Love slipped beyond your reaches and I couldn't give a reason

This dorm was once a madhouse

Well, it's made for me

Soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls that we once walked through

I never was ready so I watch you go

She would've made such a lovely bride, what a shame she's fucked in the head

Sometimes you just don't know the answer til someone's on their knees and asks you

You won't remember all my champagne problems

GOLD RUSH

I don't like a gold rush

I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Everybody wants you

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

I can't dare to dream about you anymore

My mind turns your life into folklore

I won't call you out on your contrarian shit

‘TIS THE DAMN SEASON

If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would have asked you

There's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me

But if it's all the same to you it's the same to me

You could call me "babe" for the weekend

We could call it even

Remember how you watched me leave

You can run, but only so far

And the road not taken looks real good now

Hear me out, we could just ride around

The road not taken looks real good now and it always leads to you in my hometown

I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay

I wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking'

The heart I know I'm breaking' is my own

Even though I'm leaving' and I'll be yours for the weekend

'Tis the damn season

TOLERATE IT

I notice everything you do or don't do

You're so much older and wiser

If it's all in my head tell me now

Tell me I've got it wrong somehow

I know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it

I take your indiscretions all in good fun

I made you my temple, my mural, my sky - now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life

I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life

You assume I'm fine, but what would you do if I break free and leave us in ruins?

Believe me, I could do it

NO BODY, NO CRIME

He did it

Her husband's actin' different, and it smells like infidelity

That ain't my Merlot on his mouth. That ain't my jewelry on our joint account

I think I'm gonna call him out

No, there ain't no doubt

I think he did it, but I just can't prove it

No body, no crime

I ain't letting' up until the day I die

Good thing my daddy made me get a boating license when I was fifteen

I've cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene

She was with me, dude

They think she did it, but they just can't prove it

Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy

I wasn't letting' up until the day he died

HAPPINESS

I see this for what it is

All the years I've given is just shit we're dividing' up

I can't face reinvention

There will be happiness after you

There was happiness because of you

Haunted by the look in my eyes that would've loved you for a lifetime

Tell me, when did your winning smile begin to look like a smirk?

I hope she'll be your beautiful fool, who takes my spot next to you

No, I didn't mean that

Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury

You haven't met the new me yet

There will be happiness after me

There was happiness because of me

I can't make it go away by making you a villain

I pulled your body into mine every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties

No one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him, too

All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness

After giving you the best I had, tell me what to give after that?

All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness. You haven't met the new me yet and I think she'll give you that

DOROTHEA

Do you ever stop and think about me?

A tiny screen's the only place I see you now

I got nothing but well-wishes for ya

This place is the same as it ever was but you don't like it that way

It's never too late to come back to my side

You're a queen selling' dreams, selling' makeup and magazines

From you I'd buy anything

But are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers?

I guess I'll never know

If you're ever tired of being known for who you know, you'll always know me.

CONEY ISLAND

If I can't relate to you anymore then who am I related to?

And if this is the long haul how'd we get here so soon?

Did I close my fist around something delicate?

Did I shatter you?

Sorry for not making you my centerfold

What's a lifetime of achievement if I pushed you to the edge but you were too polite to leave me?

Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?

Will you forgive my soul when you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

We were like the mall before the internet

Were you waiting at our old spot: in the tree line by the gold clock?

Did I leave you hanging every single day?

When I got into the accident the sight that flashed before me was your face

IVY

Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand

I just sit here and wait, grieving for the living

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

I wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed

Your opal eyes are all I wish to see

I'd live and die for moments that we stole

What would he do if he found us out?

Dare to sit and watch what we'll become

It's a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it

It's the goddamn fight of my life and you started it

COWBOY LIKE ME

Dancing' is a dangerous game

I'm never gonna love again

I've got some tricks up my sleeve

Takes one to know one

Never wanted love, just a fancy car

You're a cowboy like me

I’m telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear

You're a bandit like me

Never thought I'd meet you here

We could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it

The skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up

The old men that I've swindled really did believe I was the one

Now you hang from my lips like the Gardens of Babylon

Forever is the sweetest con

LONG STORY SHORT

I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me

I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides

Long story short, it was a bad time

If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break

I clung to the nearest lips and long story short, it was the wrong guy

Now I'm all about you

Actually, I always felt I must look better in the rear view - missing me.

If someone comes at us, this time, I'm ready

No more keeping' score, now I just keep you warm

Past me, I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things

Your nemeses will defeat themselves before you get the chance to swing

He feels like home

Long story short, I survived

MARJORIE

Never be so kind you forget to be clever

Never be so clever you forget to be kind

If I didn't know better I'd think you were talking to me now

If I didn't know better I'd think you were still around

You're alive in my head

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, so alive

Never be so polite you forget your power

Nevеr wield such power you forget to be polite

I should've asked you questions

Should've kept every grocery store receipt cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

I know better but you're still around

I still feel you all around

CLOSURE

It's been a long time and seeing the shape of your name still spells out pain

Yes, I'm doing better

I don't need your closure

Yes, I got your letter

Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled

I'm fine with my spite and my tears, and my beers and my candles

I know I'm just a wrinkle in your new life

Staying friends would iron it out so nice

EVERMORE

Gray November, I've been down since July

I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone trying to find the one where I went wrong

I couldn't be sure

I had a feeling so peculiar that this pain would be for evermore

Guess I'm feeling unmoored

Can't remember what I used to fight for

Can't not think of all the cost and the things that will be lost

To be certain, we'll be tall again

Is there a line that I could just go cross?

And when I was shipwrecked I thought of you

It was real enough to get me through

I dreamed of you

I swear you were there

I had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn't be for evermore

RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME

Friends break up

I'm right where you left me

Help

I'm still at the restaurant

I swear you could hear a hair pin drop

What a sad sight...

I felt the moment stop

They expected me to find perspective

Everybody moved on, but I stayed there

You left me no choice

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?

Time went on for everyone else

Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?

Breakups happen every day

I was still the one you wanted

If our love died young, I can't bare witness

If you ever think you got it wrong, I'm right where you left me

IT'S TIME TO GO

He's insisting that friends look at each other like that

The words of a sister come back in whispers

She's a crook that was caught

She was not in fact what she seemed

You know when it's time to go

Twenty years at that job, then the boss of the son gets the spot....

Keeping it how it was will only break hearts worse

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing

Sometimes walking out is the one thing that will find you the right thing

Sometimes to run is the brave thing

I gave my all

He gave me nothing at all

He's got my past frozen behind glass but I've got me

You will know in your soul that it's time to go

#inbox memes.#rph #rpc #roleplay memes.#taylor swift lyrics.

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hainethehero · 4 years

Text

BILLY BREAKS THINGS OFF WITH STEVE...

A big grin breaks Steve's face in two, glowing through his cheeks like a beautiful sunrise or something. He can hear the sound of Billy's Camaro rumbling to a stop in his front yard. His skin breaks out in goosebumps and his heart beats wildly, like an animal trapped in a cage.

It was movie night.

Nothing special, since they've been having nights like these since last Christmas. But tonight was different. Call him a stupid girl obsessing over shit that he shouldn't- but he really couldn't. Not after they'd done the Devil's tango for the first time about two days ago. Of course Billy had gone AWOL after that but he'd called earlier today... said he wanted to talk. It's been the only thing Steve could think about since that time... - that and the fact that he'd had sex with Billy for the first time! He stays replaying all the sounds and tastes in his head over and over again like a reel. He hoped to God that it had been as special for Billy as it had been for him.

His insides still felt soft, sore and mushy from where Billy had pounded into him, thighs burning with every movement of his legs. His pale hips sported several deep, purple, finger-shaped bruises and there were dark hickies colouring his alabaster neck like watercolours. And if he thought about it real hard, he could still feel Billy's hands in his hair, pulling and tugging and fucking yanking on it as he thrust into his tight hole.

God, he thinks, chastising himself for being so horny.

Get a grip Steve! Desperation was never a good look, on anyone.

Billy's suddenly at his front door, not even bothering to knock. No.

He just stands there looking all majestic and super chill in his aviators and leather jacket. Steve pulls the door open with shaky hands and just takes in the eyeful of glorious golden skin and Californian blue eyes. His heart flutters stupidly in his chest and Steve glares down at himself as if to berate his own goddamn heart. His cheeks become inflamed as Billy brushes past him, woodsy cologne filling Steve's senses. He tightens up involuntarily at the scent and slowly closes the door, biting at his lip with a nervous smile.

"H- hey," he mutters dumbly, craving the idea of rushing into Billy's arms but somehow restraining himself.

The blonde simply gazes at him; a kind of heat in his heavily hooded eyes. He's got on a white t-shirt under that black leather jacket, cotton pulled taut across his broad chest. God, Steve is going insane every minute his face isn't buried in Billy's chest. That's his safe place... and that white t-shirt is one of his favorites.

"We need to talk," Billy tells him in that raspy, low and smoky tone.

Steve goes molten between the legs and his heart does some weird kind of flip inside him. How the hell did Billy have so much control over his mind and body? Was that what sex with another guy was like? Or was this just a Billy thing? Because Steve has tasted the blonde once already- literally- ...and he wanted more.

"Yeah, we can," he nods with a grin, "but can we do it in my room? It's already warm in there and out here's like, freezing so-"

"Out here is fine," Billy interrupts, mouth drawn in a tight line and haw clenched tightly.

It's the first indication that maybe this was very serious and Steve hadn't noticed because he was too busy thinking about getting dicked down again.

"Wh- ...what's wrong?"

Billy stares at him, thick brows drawing over his darkened eyes. "I can't do this."

Oh God, Steve's gonna have an aneurysm.

"What?"

He forces himself to keep his cool, to not instantly turn into some crying, shaking mess that just wants to go down on his knees and beg the other boy to stay. He keeps repeating in his head that it's all just some sick fucking joke on Billy's part and offers the blonde a pained grin but his heart falters when Billy's expression doesn't change.

"Bill-"

"I'm leaving town. Tonight."

Steve feels the breath get knocked out of him and this time he takes a quick step forward. "Billy what's going on-??"

Billy takes a step back, growling. "I just told you, I'm leaving."

"That's not- ...What happened? Why are you leaving? Was it your Dad?"

"It wasn't my fucking Dad-"

"Well then tell me!"

"Tell you what?!" Billy shouts, getting in Steve's face now, a deep rumble in the back of his throat.

"Why are you leaving? Why now?" Steve snaps, the pit of his stomach hollowing itself. He's so fucking scared and hurt right now but all he can feel is the hot and cold running all over his damp skin. Hot tears prickle and sting his eyes but he doesn't dare blink for fear of missing Billy for too long.

"Harrington-"

"No!" Steve screams, "You tell me why you're suddenly moving out of Hawkins! Tell me why! Tell- wait, is it because of me?"

Something in Billy's expression shifts and he looks away, cursing under his breath, fists clenched hard.

"It's not you, don't flatter yourself Harrington."

And that particular statement puts Steve on notice. This couldn't have been Billy talking. His Dad maybe but he'd stopped calling him Harrington whenever they argued. Apparently it sounded too impersonal and not intimate at all. Which is the opposite of how Billy had been cooing and whispering his name the night they'd had sex. He'd even made sure to hold Steve through the worst of his first time, asking him gently whether or not he should pull out, or if he wasn't ready.

A tear slips down his cheek at the now sour memory.

"Then what was it? Is this town too small for you, Mr California? Not enough clueless hick town boys for you to fuck huh?"

Billy takes a menacing step forward and grabs him by the neck. "You're awfully close but no dice, " he snarls, "Unlike you, I actually got into college, so, I'm leaving. You think I want to stay stuck in this backwater town with some nobody who slings ice-cream for a living?"

Steve fights the strong grip, breaking it and taking a heaving step back, shudders wracking through his body. His breath comes out ragged, and pulls back in with a sob.

"What are you saying?" he mutters softly, too afraid to shout or even get angry, because that'll only make Billy leave faster. It always makes them leave.

Billy grunts, "Jesus Christ you want me to spell it out for you? I'm done, Harrington. We're done."

But Steve shakes his head, tears already falling silently from his eyes. His goddamn heart was in his throat.

"You can't do this..." he chokes, feeling sick to his stomach.

"Why can't I?" Billy growls, his face dry and emotionless.

"Because we-" Steve hisses but is cut off by an unexpected cry. He didn't have the strength to say those words right now- couldn't.

Too bad Billy had caught on anyway. "Because we what? Had sex a few days ago? Jesus Harrington, didn't take you for such a pussy. It was just a mindless fuck, didn't think you'd take it to heart. I'm not actually some fucking faggot like you."

Steve shakes his head, "Why are you doing this to me?" he sobs, feeling utterly betrayed.

Every part of his body felt betrayed right now- every single part of him that he'd let Billy touch, kiss and sink his teeth into. A sharp pain stabs him in the chest and then slowly sinks in all the way to his gut. It feels permanent, yet somehow like a terrible dream that he can't seem to wake up from.

Billy turns to leave and he doesn't have the strength to hold him back. Just watches him go through blurry eyes, body shaking with the massive effort it takes to keep from falling to his knees.

"Wheeler was right about you; you're bullshit Harrington."

Steve's knees only hit the floor when the Camaro rumbles off into the distance.

...............

Hardened blue eyes glare back at him from the rearview mirror.

The only sense of accomplishment he felt was that he'd finally put some distance between the monster in his head, and the one thing he loved more than life itself.

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staticscreenwriting · 4 years

Text

California Summer - B.H. Smut [two]

Synopsis: Kings Cove California is Billy Hargrove’s hometown. It’s also a popular summer vacation destination for rich couples and their spoiled kids. (Y/N) is one of those rich girls. Proper, sweet, innocent. Only that all bores her to death and Billy is just the adventure she’s been looking for. It’s all fun and games. A summer fling. Not strings attached. Right?

Inspired by the song “Young & Dumb” by Cigarettes After Sex.

Part 1

A/N: There is smut in this, babes. Please if that is not for you, don’t read it. Also do not interact if you’re under 18, that’s just not cool. Kay, thanks ♥

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

The air is hot and sweltering on Tuesday. A blue sky filled with thick grey clouds. There’s a sizzling in the air. A promise of rain. A promise of a storm.

Billy steps out of his car and onto the white gravel driveway of the (Y/L/N)’s holiday estate. It’s a grand house. These people are rich and they want you to know it. Nothing is subtle or modest. It wants to be seen, to be stared at, to be wanted. This house demands your attention. Thinking about it, Billy thinks it’s fitting that (Y/N) lives here. She too, demands people’s attention. Undivided.

He steps up to the door, his black polo shirt proudly displaying the “ Franklin and Company cleaning and maintenance service” logo in his right chest. Mr Franklin said company uniforms are a good way to increase the team spirit. Billy suspects it’s just another way for those rich assholes to further distance themselves from peasants like him.

The doorbell chimes up in some melodic little tune. Even the god damn doorbell is over the top. A deep disdain settles inside Billy’s bones, takes residence in his heart. He wonders if those people truly know what suffering means. He wonders if financial stability and a luxurious lifestyle can soften the blow of a heartache. Wonder if he’d still be this bitter, if his heart would still feel this heavy, if he was the one living in a house like this.

When the door swings open, Billy is greeted by Mr. (Y/L/N) and his smile that’s just too big. There’s a certain size a smile should have and his smile exceeds that size. It’s unsettling. With his bright white teeth and the moustache, he looks like some kind of cheesy 60s Batman villain.

“ Hi, Billy. Good to see you. So here’s the thing — “ he then starts to proceed a dramatic monologue about the broken filter system of their pool. Billy only half listens, his mind wandering through the halls of this mansion. He wonders if she’s home. Wonders what her room looks like. Wonders if she can still feel his lips on hers. Taste him. Feel him inside her.

As they walk through the main living room, Billy’s eyes fall onto a picture on the mantlepiece of their elaborate fireplace. (Y/N) smiles brightly back at him from the photograph, draped in a long white dress and long opera gloves. It almost looks like a wedding gown only she looks way too young in this picture and there’s no husband to be seen. She smiles so big, so radiant but there’s something in her eyes. The same riddle he’s tried to figure out that day he picked her up in the rain. A kind of sadness that is both so familiar, and so foreign to him.

“ Joan and I are gonna be out all day but if you need anything, my daughter (Y/N) should be around. She’s a nice girl, I’m sure she’ll be pleased to lend you a hand. “

Billy has to stop himself from choking on his own spit. If only this man knew what his girl gets up to when dad’s not looking.

“ Alright, that’s fine. “

“ Good. Good. Now if you’ll excuse me. “

“ Sure, yeah. Have a good day.”

Mr. (Y/L/N) walks back towards the entrance hall, this house has a goddamn entrance hall. A second later his wife steps up next to him, big floppy hat on her head, fancy-looking silk scarf around her neck. That one probably cost more than Billy pays in rent every month.

The way the interact makes him feel uneasy. There’s no affection there, no kindness. It all is very stoic and structured and empty. He wonders if rich people are all this hollow, if it comes with the territory. If maybe there are certain expectations put on you when you’re loaded and to fulfil those you have to lose part of yourself in the process.

“ Bunny, we’re off “ (Y/N)’s father yells up the stairs to be met with her voice calling down a disgruntled “okay” a few seconds later.

Bunny. They call her bunny. This day is getting better and better. With a smirk on his face, Billy grabs his tools and drags himself out towards the pool into the hot California sun.

The filter is fixed in a matter of minutes, then he cleans the pool, mows the lawn, scraps dirt out of the rain gutter. All while the hot sun is beating down on him, burning his skin and making him sweat. What he wouldn’t give for a bit of rain or a dip in the ocean.

Just as he’s packing up his tools, a loud banging sound from the inside catches Billy’s attention, followed by a string of curses. There’s no doubt in his mind it’s her. Her voice still fresh on his mind as she whispers dirty words into his ears while he dreams.

Rounding the corner, he catches sight of her, sitting on the bottom step of the stairs, rubbing her knee and contorting her face in a display of pain.

“ Are you okay? “

“ Yeah, just tried taking two steps at once and uh — didn’t go so well, “ (Y/N) replies as she gets up and dusts herself off.

Whenever Billy thinks of her, his mind always wanders back to that first night he caught sight of her. Her flowy skirt, the flower in her hair, the too big denim jacket. Something about her then looked almost ethereal. Like she didn’t belong with anyone around her. Like she didn’t belong to this place. To this earth.

Looking at her now, Billy almost can’t believe it’s the same person. She’s wearing cut off jeans shorts, socks with that frilly lace stuff stick out from her beat-up tennis shoes and the I ♥ New York shirt that’s draped over her body is at least two sizes too big and has no doubt seen a few years pass already.

“ Look at you, Mr. Polo shirt! “

“ Stop! “

“ It’s cute! “

“ It’s company policy.”

“ Aw no, does it limit your freedom for self-expression? “

“ Why are you taking the piss? I saw the picture on the fireplace. Cute wedding dress. Prom? “

(Y/N) does that thing that’s neither a scoff nor a laugh and yet both at once. She walks up to the fireplace and takes the frame in her hands. There it is again, the sadness in her eyes. Even though she’s smirking there’s a fundamental sadness so deeply engrained in her beautiful eyes that Billy almost regrets having mentioned the photo.

“ Not prom, goof. My cotillion”

“ Your what now? “

“ My debutante ball. It’s a formal presentation of young women to introduce them into society. “

“ Sounds like a cattle auction to me. “

This time she fully scoffs, no laughter or smirk anywhere in sight. “ You might have a point.”

“ So what they like, offered you or — “

It’s such a strange concept, Billy isn’t even able to wrap his head around it. A formal presentation of young women already sounds wrong. Just thinking about her being paraded around leaves a sour taste on his tongue.

“ Kinda yeah. I mean it’s nothing sexual or anything but uh — well. There’s a bunch of girls in matching dresses who all get introduced individually. They put a real emphasis on who your parents are so people are immediately aware your family is loaded. Then the dad’s guide the girls across the stage and hand them over to the escort. Usually, an equally rich male around the same age who’d be a wonderful addition to the family. Then there’s this specific curtsy every debutante has to perform …”

“ Are you fucking with me right now? “

“ Absolutely not. It’s a real big deal. They have a serious committee and everything.”

“ Well you look miserable in that picture. “

“ Oh I was. I didn’t wanna do it in the first place and then my dad also told me that I couldn’t have my boyfriend at the time be my escort because apparently he wasn't good enough or his family wasn't prestigious enough. I really liked that boy too. I was so sad. “

“ Why’d you do it then? “

“ Well all my friends did it and then dad also pulled the mom card so — “

As those words fall from her lips, her eye glass over a little, as if she just started dreaming or let her mind wander someplace else. Billy always felt like it was weird, the way he observes people, the way he notices things. But when you grow up in a house that’s so loud and so angry, you start to notice the quiet things. It’s a survival instinct. Noticing the little things can save your life.

“ The mom card?”

“ Yeah. Said my mom always wanted to see me as a debutante. Said I should do it to honor her memory. Even had her own cotillion dress shipped in from my grandparents place to use the fabric for mine. “

Dead mother. There it is. One little puzzle piece to slide into place. A step in the right direction in figuring out the riddle that’s her mind. Dead mother. It’s not a pain he knows but one he can imagine. His own mother was the best person he knew, an angel in his eyes. He loved her more than he ever loved another person. Then she left and ripped his heart straight from his chest. Maybe he doesn’t know what it’s like losing your mother to death but he does know what it feels like having a mother one day and then not having one the next and feeling so terribly alone in the world.

“ So Joan’s not — “

“ She’s my mother too. Mom died when I was 6, dad and Joan married when I was 10. She’s been in my life not longer than my mother was. I love her so much but I also miss my actual mom. “

He doesn’t know what make the words fall from his mouth so easily, as if they don’t weight a million tons on his heart. But something tells him that he can be honest with her. Maybe it’s a certain comfort that two people can only find in shared pain.

“ My mom fucked off when I was 9. Just up and left, to be with some guy she’d met at her job as a waitress. A fucking dentist of all people. Haven’t seen her since. “

“ Fuck, that sucks. “

“ Yeah it’s whatever.” Billy shrugs. It’s not whatever and they both know it but it’s one thing to tell her about his mother, it’s another to open up his entire chest and let her see all the cracks in his heart. That’s a vulnerability he’s not willing to show her.

“ Well this is turning into a gloom-fest, huh. Do you wanna get outta here and do something? “

He really does. The heaviness on his heart feels suffocating. Like someone is squeezing his chest, breaking ribs in the process.

“ Sure. What’s your plan?”

“ No plan. How about the beach? “

Billy smiles at her suggestion. “ Sounds good. “

“ Man, your car is clean. I didn’t even notice the first time. “ (Y/N) remarks as the drive along the sleepy town of Kings Cove. The windows are rolled down and a soft wind sweeps through them, making (Y/N) hair fly around her face. Her feet are kicked up on the dashboard and her red lips are pulled into a teasing smirk.

“ It’s my baby, I like it when she’s clean. “

“ She? “

“ Mmh.”

“ Does she have a name? “

“ No. You wanna make a suggestion?”

“ Hmmm how about — (Y/N) ?”

“ That’s your name. “

“ It’s a good name !”

“ Not naming my car after you.” Billy chuckles.

“ Okay. How about Lilly? “

Billy shrugs. Honestly, he has no interest in naming his car but if it makes her happy, he might as well entertain the thought. “Sure, fine with me.”

She’s quiet for a moment before she speaks up again. “ You wanna know what Lilly needs? “

“ No. “

“ Some decor. Some personality. Like some dice hanging from the mirror or — or a dashboard dancer. Like a hula girl. “

“ Absolutely not. “

(Y/N) gasps “ I know! A dancing Elvis. You know the ones! You need one of those. “

Billy has to wince at the thought of a cheap plastic figure vaguely resembling Elvis stuck to his front window so it can dance on the dashboard.

“ Or I could not do that. I like my car the way it is. Thank you very much. “

(Y/N) just smiles and maybe that’s enough for right now. There are more secrets hidden in the corner of her lips, in the glint of her eyes, in the way the sun falls on her face. But those can stay there for right now. All that matter in that moment is the cheesy Don Henley song playing from the stereo and the red of her fingernails tapping along to the beat and the way life feels weightless then.

“ This is so beautiful. “ (Y/N)’s words are hardly louder than a whisper. Her voice is overtaken by a peaceful sense of awe and admiration. Her bare feet are buried into the still warm sand as the sky around them shines in hues of pinks and oranges.

“ I can’t believe you get to see this every day of your life. You can just decide you want to watch the sunset over the ocean and do it. “

Billy shrugs as if it’s nothing when in reality he knows exactly how much this really means. Living in Hawkins, away from the ocean and his home and his heart, it made him realise how much he really loves this place. How his heart will forever be bound to the sea and the waves and the freedom it gives him.

“ I guess it’s pretty cool. “

“ You guess? Billy this is — this is spectacular. Sitting here and just taking it all in makes me feel fearless and invincible and brave. Like the world is so big and vast and there’s so much still for me to discover and experience and I can actually do it. “

“ What’s stopping you ? You got all the money in the world. “

He wonders if she can hear the spark of resentment that his voice carries. Billy doesn’t put it there on purpose, it’s just something so deeply edged into his genetics it’s hard to get rid off. Life’s hard for everyone, he knows that. The logical part of his brain does. But being financially stable surely helps soften the blow.

“ Not if you ask my parents. They’re just waiting for me to find a suitable husband whos family is at least as rich as mine if not richer. Then settle down in a nice big house, pop out a few kids — be miserable forever. “

He doesn’t know what to say to that. There’s a certain familiarity in her words. Billy knows exactly what it feels like being stuck in a situation that makes you miserable and to feel like you will never get out of it. Even though both their situations couldn’t be more different, there’s a shared sense of captivity.

“ I’m sorry, I’m being a huge whiny bitch about this. Poor rich girl with her rich girl problems. “

Though her words are meant to sound airy and light, they are all but that. There’s a heaviness to them. A sincerity.

“ Don’t be stupid. This is your future. Your life. You get to bitch about it. If not about that then what about? “

Billy succeeds in making her crack a smile. A small success in the grand scheme of things, but a success nonetheless.

“ What would you wanna do? If your parents had no say in it ? “

Her sight settles on the setting sun, her chest heaves with big breaths. As if she’s trying to catch the moment in her lungs and keep it there forever.

“ Last year I started studying photography in New York. My parents thought I was working an internship at a family friend’s firm. I wasn’t. When they found out they made me drop out and come back home. That’s why I wasn’t around last year. That’s what I wanna do. But my parents they are — my dad grew up during a time when art wasn’t a career that could really put food on the table. He’s a businessman, a hard worker. He sees numbers before anything else. And I don’t think he’s doing this to be mean or anything. It’s just what he knows. Dreams were not something he could chase and survive it. It was eat or dream. I think he wants to spare me that life. I just wish he would take the time to even as much as look at my pictures. They’re good. “

“ You should show me some. “

To be quite honest, it’s not about the pictures. Billy has never been a particularly artsy person nor does he care for photography. But this is important to her, this is where her heart is. No one has ever believe in him, he knows the empty feeling that comes with that realisation. If he can be the one person to show her that her dreams and her talent matter, then it’s worth it.

“ Yeah? “

“ Sure, why not? “

“ Alright, I will. Think I can mix in some naughty ones. “

Billy raises his eyebrow. “Oh really? “

“ Mmmh.”

Her lips don’t taste like slurpee this time. They taste like summer heat and salt and warmth. A little like cigarette smoke and mint chewing gum.

Her fingers tangle in his locks, tugging deliciously as her tongue curls around his. It’s softer than the kisses in his kitchen, not fueled by lust but by a shared comfort in each other.

“ What was that for? “ he asks as they pull away, far enough to talk to each other but close enough to breath in each other’s air.

“ For listening. And for — caring.”

Billy’s lips decent back on hers, then her cheek, her neck. Her skin feels soft and warm underneath him. He can feel her pulse quickening as he softly sucks at the delicate spot where her neck meets her shoulder.

“ You can’t leave hickeys!”

“ Why not? “ he murmures against her.

“ Got this thing at the country club in a few days. My dress doesn’t have a turtleneck. Dad’s gonna kill me if he sees it. “

Of course her family frequents the country club the town over, it’s so fitting. Billy’s been there a few times, tending to their greenery and fixing stuff. It brings good money and he got to eat their for free which was nice. But looking at all the rich people in their fancy clothes drinking champagne by the pool was — strange. Johnny works there as a waiter part time and always has the most ridiculous but funny stories to tell.

“ Aw, daddy’s little girl not allowed to kiss boys? “ Billy mocks, not making any attempt at moving his lips away from her neck until she nudges him off and pushes him down onto the warm sand.

“ Oh I do more than just kiss them. “ (Y/N)’s voice is laced with lust and passion and sultriness.

Soft warm kisses wander down his neck, as her hands leave trails up and down his stomach underneath his shirt. In a swift motion she pushes the fabric up, to pepper gentle kisses on his chest, his stomach, down to the edge of his pants.

Billy can feel the blood rushing through him, can feel the adrenaline flowing through his veins. A tingling sensation builds up. Is there anything better than a girl sucking you off with the sun setting over the ocean in the background? Not really, he’s fairly sure about that.

(Y/N) hands fumble with the zipper of his jeans before she pulls them down just enough for his dick to pop out.

The way she looks up at him, eyes filled with a mixture of mischief and innocence. The way she bites her lip in anticipation — it kills him. This is his day of reckoning. This is the end and god does he love it.

Billy is fully aware of what's happening as she swirls her tongue around the head of his dick but his mind is swimming, his heart is pounding. Maybe it’s her or maybe it’s the moment, he doesn’t know. All he does know is that sometimes life can be real fucking sweet. Especially when your cock’s soft and warm in a pretty girl’s mouth.

She hollows her cheeks, goes fast then slow, moves her hand along her lips in a perfect rhythm of pure lust. It’s wet and warm and tight and perfect.

An alternating pattern of kitten licks and deep strokes drive him crazy. She swallows around him like the goddamn patron saint of sucking cock, takes him so deep he’s fairly sure they should grant her some award for it.

When he feels the tidal wave of passion crash onto him and pull him under, drown him in ecstasy, he buries his fingers into her hair, pulls her closer, moves his hip faster — fucks her mouth. And she moans, every once in a while looking up at him with those eyes — those damn beautiful eyes. And there’s a smirk playing on her lips, around his dick, every once in a while. She enjoys this too and that’s what sends him over the edge.

Billy cums just as the sun sets behind the horizon, that one moment when the world is pure gold. He doesn’t see that though, doesn’t realise. All he sees is her eyes and her smile and the way she wipes her lips and all the riddles he wants to solve that live in her heart and all the things he wants to explore with her.

“ You’re welcome.” she says and giggle as she crawls back up to lay beside him, propped up on her elbows, eyes set on the horizon.

“ Uh-huh. “ Billy’s mind is still hazy, words can hardly form least of all make sense.

“ I can’t believe you get this view every day. “

He’s not sure whether she’s talking to him or to herself, maybe a little of both. What he’s sure of though, is that his view is much nice right now. Her, free and wild and — beautiful, sitting and watching as the world turns pink and orange and gold for one last time before nightfall.

It’s quiet for a moment as they catch their breath, as she takes it all in and Billy tries to shake off the fogginess in his brain. It’s quiet and peaceful and safe and comfortable.

And then she speaks up again.

“ You should come to the country club thing. “

And his heart sinks because — absolutely fucking not.

#billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove imagines #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #stranger things smut #stranger things imagine #stranger things imagines

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langdxn · 4 years

Note

Omg I love this song idea so much! How about Love Bites by Def Leppard? 💕

So this was a pretty popular request! I’ve also had (quite) a few asks for some Xavier goodness with mixtapes so I’ve merged them all together, I hope that’s okay! This is quite sub!Xavier too and fluffy as hell, so be warned... 🖤🖤🖤

“Fuck you, Xavier, I knew you stole my Hall and Oates!”

A tornado of cassette tapes and receipts circled the front seat as Chet furiously rummaged through the glove box of the Vanta-C.

“Oh please, Chet, don’t pretend you have good taste in music,” Xavier cast a salacious grin over to his passenger, snowed under a pile of parking tickets and rolling papers. “I’ve seen your collection and there’s way too much Whitney Houston in there.”

“Blasphemy!” Ray chimed in from beside you. “There’s no such thing as too much Whitney Houston!”

“You keep telling yourself that, Mr Pet Shop Boys,” Xavier barked back.

“Hey, that’s my Billy Idol!” Montana screeched was a cassette tape flew in her direction. “I’ve been looking for this for weeks, Klepto Plympton!”

“I can’t be held responsible for you jerks littering up my van!” Xavier shrugged, his cut-off jade vest emphasising every single slick movement of his muscles.

Tossing aside an empty hip flask, a distinctive red tape with a Tipp-Exed label fell right into Chet’s hands.

“What’s this?” Chet raved, holding it aloft like a trophy, noticing your name scrawled into the bumpy white sticker. “Is this a mixtape for the shy one?”

“I—uhh,” Xavier stuttered, frantically searching for an explanation, his gaze fixed on the red tape in Chet’s hand as if willing it to not exist. “She needed a new tape for her metal aerobics class, didn’t you babe?”

You leaned forward in your seat in the far back corner, speechless. The whole gang turned to face you, intently watching your reaction to the development.

“Bullshit, Plympton, she’s just as surprised as we are.” Ray landed a reassuring hand on your knee. “Looks like our Xav’s got the hots for you, pretty girl!”

“Then let’s hear it,” Chet slotted the tape into the cassette player, rubbing his hands together as he waited for the first notes.

“Shut up guys,” Xavier snapped, clearing his throat and slamming his hand on the pause button. “We hardly know each other.”

“Hardly know each other, my ass,” Montana smirked from ear to ear, leaning in to whisper to you. “Good luck babe, his dick is huge.”

Xavier swerved the van around a tight corner and pulled to a stop, yanking the handbrake with all his might and peering over his sunglasses.

“Last stop, the studio. Everybody out, you motherfuckers!”

The blur of everybody grabbing their bags and jackets zoomed past you like a neon kaleidoscope. Before long, you were the only one left in the van, deafening silence replacing the cacophony of gossip and the grinding of lighters sparking up joints.

You were staring into mid-air for what felt like hours, concentrating on that red tape nestled in the player. Was Xavier telling the truth? Or had he actually made a mixtape for you? There’s no way a guy as flawless as that aerobics maestro could be interested in you; he was right about one thing, you hardly knew each other. Not that familiarity seemed to bother him too much, the talk of his past hookups suggested the less he knew about the girl he was screwing, the better.

“Cat got your tongue, baby girl?” Xavier piped up from the van door, peering his heavenly blue gaze over his sunglasses. “Haven’t you got a class?”

“N—no, not for another half hour,” you stumbled over your words like a lovesick teenager, tucking your hair behind your ear and gazing at the floor. Xavier hauled himself into the back, swinging the van door closed behind him and crashing down on the seat beside you.

“Then we’ve got all the time in the world, beautiful,” he purred into your ear, his arm draping over your shoulder as he leaned over you.

The tense air between you filled with familiar sounds from the tape player, Def Leppard booming through the speakers Xavier had rigged in the back.

If you’ve got love in your sights, watch out, love bites

“Is this—“

“Yep,” Xavier hummed. “Just for you, babe.”

“I—I love Def Leppard,” you stumbled over your words, losing yourself in his oceanic gaze.

When you make love, do you look in your mirror?

“I know you do, baby,” he husked, a hand reaching to ghost featherlight fingertips over your bare thigh, daring himself to slip his fingers beneath your skirt. “I know you better than you think, shy girl.”

Who do you think of? Does he look like me?

“You think so?” You quirked an eyebrow, leaving Xavier swallowing hard and rearranging his tight white trousers, his pants failing miserably at concealing the raging hard-on beneath the thin fabric. Not that Xavier minded you knowing the state he’s got himself in, the restriction of his clothing just made him more frustrated.

Do you tell lies? And say that it’s forever?

Suddenly, you swung a thigh over his lap and straddled Xavier’s waist in one slick move. The actor’s arm was still draped across the chair you just left, stunned into silence for the first time in a long while.

Do you think twice, or just touch and see?

“You still sure about that, lover boy?” You cupped his delicate face in your hands, fingers digging passionate trenches into his neck as you leaned in to kiss him deeply.

When you’re alone, do you let go?

“You kept that quiet,” Xavier chuckled into your mouth, humming contentedly as his hands finally compute your move and surge up to wander across the expanse of your back.

Are you wild and willing or is it just for show?

“I keep a lot of things quiet, Plympton. You should try it sometime.”

I don’t want to touch you too much baby

Trailing your hand down the hollow of his throat and following the curve of his chest to the waistband of his pants, Xavier’s breaths quickened and his heart raced. He simply couldn’t conjure one of his quick-witted one liners to entice you further — for a start, you didn’t need enticing further. Your sudden assertion of control over him made Xavier weak, knocking all sense of power out of him as you assumed your place on top of him.

‘Cause making love to you might drive me crazy

“What’s the matter, baby?” You cooed as you slowly inched his zipper down and set his length free with a groan caught in the back of Xavier’s throat. “Cat got your tongue?”

I know you think that love is the way you make it

“I—I… fuck,” Xavier slicked back his quiff and searched your eyes for confirmation. “Am I dreaming right now?”

So I don’t want to be there when you decide to break it

“Not quite, Xav,” you hummed as your fingers curled around his tip and palmed him softly, his hips gently rocking into your touch. “Just be a good boy and let me take control.”

Love bites, love bleeds, it’s bringing me to my knees

Raising your hips to line his tip with your soaking folds, electric anticipation bolted through your core as his length slipped inside you. You both moaned erotically in unison, Xavier’s head throwing back into the chair as you eased down onto his cock.

Love lives, love dies, it’s no surprise

“You know you could’ve just told me you liked me, right?” A groan died in Xavier’s throat as he bottomed out, hands gripping your hips as you sank down onto him.

Love begs, love pleads, it’s what I need

“Now where’s the fun in that?” You whimpered lightly, sinking open-mouthed kisses into the nape of his neck. “After all, you thought I was shy.”

When I’m with you are you somewhere else?

“I also thought you wouldn’t be up for banging on the first date but we’ve not even made it to a first date yet.”

Am I getting through or do you please yourself?

“I think we’re way past first dates, don’t you?” You punctuated with a slow roll of your hips, sending Xavier’s eyes shooting to the ceiling. “You made me a goddamn mixtape, Xav.”

When you wake up will you walk out?

“Yeah well—oh fuck—it wasn’t supposed to come out like this,” Xavier growled under his breath, jutting his hips up to meet yours.

It can’t be love if you throw it about

“What wasn’t, baby?”

I don’t wanna touch you too much baby

“How—how I feel about you,” Xavier glanced down to where your bodies met, watching his cock emerge from your folds soaking wet, your arousal dribbling onto his white pants.

‘Cause making love to you might drive me crazy

“Use your words, Plympton,” you snapped down onto his length and wriggled your hips to take him as deep inside you as possible, instigating a tight, burning, wanting sensation deep within your walls — teasing Xavier only led you even closer to your own orgasm. “You didn’t pick Love Bites just because you’ve got a high school crush, did you?”

Love bites, love bleeds, it’s bringing me to my knees

Constricting your walls around him and drinking in the accompanying moans spilling from his lips, you resolved to hold off cumming until he spoke out.

Love lives, love dies, it’s no surprise

“You’re really gonna make me say it, aren’t you?” Xavier tried in vain to distract you both by pistoning his hips up to you, but he only succeeded in chasing his own release as his cock smoothly grazed your pulsing walls with every thrust. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum—“

Love begs, love pleads, it’s what I need

“Goddamnit Xav, just say it so I can say it back already.”

Xavier shot you a perplexed look, raised eyebrows tangling with his blissfully parted O-shaped lips to create his own brand of ‘about to cum but confused about it’ look.

If you’ve got love in your sights, watch out, love bites

Spotting his weakness, you started grinding down on him with a smooth flick of your hips, tightening your walls around him and watching in awe as his back arched frantically and his cock twitched fervently, desperately, relentlessly.

“I… I think I’m in love with you.”

With his confession, Xavier pumped into you and gave into his release, pouring against your walls just as you unleashed a fresh tidal wave of arousal over him. Your blending moans filled the van well above the music, a symphony of lust-blown cries as you both gripped onto each other.

Yes it does, it will be hell

Melting gasps and exhausted breaths into one, you fell speechless as you rode out your orgasm together. Venturing both hands to cup his face, you stole a blissful kiss from his lips and melted into him as his arms wrapped around you. Pressing your forehead against his, you whispered softly.

“I love you too, Xavier.”

#xavier plympton fanfiction #xavier plympton #xavier plympton x reader #xavier plympton x reader smut #xavier plympton imagines #AHS 1984 #xavier plympton smut

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kaiunkaiku · 3 years

Text

Do I have requests in my inbox? Yes. Did I write this instead? Also yes. In my defense this was like 95% done because I actually wrote this in 2016 right when the dorms were introduced but then I just never published it lmao.

Fandom: BNHA

Summary: "His whole body aches with ghosts of healed bruises and scrapes, reminding him of how easy he actually got away while the heroes got beaten and slain and half of them are still lying in the ICU and it’s all his fault for getting kidnapped, for being so careless even when they were under an attack and for being so goddamn weak that he couldn’t even get himself out of there and his hands won’t stop shaking."

Warnings: Nightmares, panic attacks, vomiting, the usual post Hideout Raid arc KiriBaku shenanigans

Ao3

Enjoy!

Katsuki jolts awake with sparks at his fingertips, whole body dripping cold sweat onto his clean sheets. His black tank top clings to his back and chest, rustling lightly to the rhythm of his harsh breaths he's desperately fighting for. He looks around in a frenzied panic and for a moment he has no fucking idea where he is, because even though the room seems theoretically familiar with the posters, color scheme and sheets, it's not his room because there are things in weird places. The door is supposed to be ways to the left, his windows are smaller and he doesn't even have a desk like that – Until his brain catches up with reality and he realizes that this, in fact, is his room and that he actually does have a desk like that.

Because he's currently living in a dorm because he was kidnapped by the guys who went on and beat heroes after heroes and sent them to the hospital and All Might was defeated and Katsuki clenches his fists to stop them from shaking. His eyes start to slip closed but behind his eyelids is a den of villains, oceans of blood and cities of dead people, civilians and heroes alike, and Shigaraki Tomura's eerie voice whispering in his ears; become a villain, join us, how about that, you'd be great, you like winning too, huh?

A shiver travels up his spine and he forces his eyes open as he pulls his knees closer to his chest. His hands are still shaking and he can't seem to stop it, just like he can't seem to get his breathing in check. The nightmares blend together with the recent events and make a nest at the back of his mind and refuse to leave him alone. The darkness of the room feels oppressive, almost, and he reaches for the lamp on the nightstand before realizing that his lamp broke while being transported and thus he does not currently have a lamp.

The room feels cold and Katsuki shivers again. His whole body aches with ghosts of healed bruises and scrapes, reminding him of how easy he actually got away while the heroes got beaten and slain and half of them are still lying in the ICU and it’s all his fault for getting kidnapped, for being so careless even when they were under an attack and for being so goddamn weak that he couldn’t even get himself out of there and his hands won’t stop shaking.

He draws in a breath. It’s as shaky as his hands and noticeably difficult and he takes another one, and another after that and it doesn’t get significantly easier. In theory, he knows that he’s probably having some sort of a panic attack, but the knowledge does nothing to help him – on the contrary, knowing what’s happening sends his thoughts into a new spiral of calm the fuck down and start breathing you fucking idiot and fucking hell if I can’t even control my own body. His hands feel numb, his face feels numb and his skin is crawling and he feels like he might throw up. His chest feels hollow and cold, his ears are ringing and there’s Shigaraki’s voice again, black liquid crawling up his throat and swallowing him up and Katsuki scrambles up and makes a dash for the bathroom door. He doesn't even bother to turn the lights on, doesn't have the luxury of time to hit the switch before he's hacking up the measly contents of his stomach. He hasn't eaten properly in a few days, hasn't really had the appetite to eat anything.

When the nausea finally passes after a good five minutes of dry heaving, Katsuki is drenched in sweat and his hands are still shaking. He still can't breathe properly and he feels lightheaded. Rationally, he knows he has to get himself to calm down, but actually doing it is a completely different thing. He tries to think about anything else, but his head keeps repeating and going through the events of that god-awful night. Eventually though, his mind provides him with an image of Kirishima reaching out to him, Kirishima with his ridiculous spiky red hair and sharp teeth calling for him, and Bakugou remembers a blast and then Kirishima’s hand was holding his. Kirishima's hand was warm and felt like safety and at that moment Katsuki didn't give a single fuck about Deku or anyone else.

There are sparks at the tips of his fingers again. He notices them a second too late, and one triggers an explosion in his sweaty, shaking hands and he’s back in the loop with Shigaraki’s voice floating around his head.

XxX

Eijirou wakes up to the sound of an explosion. It takes a few disoriented seconds for him to realize where he is, and then he's out of the door. At his left Shouji stumbles into the dark hallway as well, looking exactly like Eijirou would expect anyone to look at what-the-fuck AM. He himself doesn't probably look any better.

It's obvious that the sound came from Bakugou's room. They both stay quiet for a short while, listening for signs of a struggle or a fight, but the hallway stays silent. The boys share a confused look, with no small amount of concern mixed in, because if they both heard the explosion then it was not a dream and there's something wrong with Bakugou. Not that Eijirou hadn't noticed something off before, but this is a surefire testament to wrong, loud and clear.

"I'll go check on him," Eijirou says quietly, glancing at Bakugou's door. Shouji nods and retreats back to his own room. By now, the whole class has pretty much understood how the main aspects of Bakugou's personality work – question his pride, ask if he needs help and be explodo-killed. Eijirou seems to be an exception to this, though, so it's an easy decision.

Eijirou watches as Shouji's door closes and takes a deep breath. Bakugou hasn't told him much about... that, though Eijirou suspects he knows more than anyone else. Sure, the police and the professional heroes know the cold, hard facts, but Eijirou knows Bakugou's personal perspective. Not everything, not even close, and he's not about to force anything out of his friend, but there's one sentence, though downplayed from what Eijirou could conclude from a shaky voice and gritted teeth, that chills him right down to his core.

XxX

It's been two days since they rescued Bakugou. It's been two days since Japan lost its symbol of peace. Bakugou is under strict orders from the police not to leave the house under any and all circumstances, so when neither one of them is being interviewed by the authorities and Eijirou’s parents aren't demanding their son home, Eijirou has taken to spending time at Bakugou's. He's learnt to read the other boy well enough to realize that being alone isn't the ideal state right now, even if Bakugou would never say it out loud.

Eijirou fills the silence with pointless chatter. Though there is music playing, it feels important not to let Bakugou forget that he isn't alone, so he talks about TV shows, games, comics and gossip, never mentioning heroes or school or God forbid news. It works between them just fine. Bakugou isn't really talkative, not to mention that he's tired thanks to the crowding, endlessly curious officers that won't stop asking the same damn questions, thanks to being treated by Recovery Girl and thanks to the nightmares, so he lets Eijirou handle the talking and settles for reacting to stories and grunting answers to questions.

It's been two days and Bakugou has persistently refused to meet any kind of a shrink both the police officers and the doctors have recommended. It's been two days and Eijirou knows about the nightmares even though he hasn't been explicitly told, and he's worried about his friend. So it's been two days when Eijirou finally asks the question.

"Are you okay?" he asks in between two silences, voice soft in order to not freak Bakugou out. Bakugou tenses up, shoulders rising to his ears, fingers and toes curling up.

"Perfect," he mutters through gritted teeth, after a slightly-too-long moment of hesitation. He's lying, obviously, and Eijirou, perhaps against his better judgement, decides to push one step further.

"Do you... wanna, you know, talk about it?" And it's that single question that sends Bakugou teetering over the edge. He scrambles up from his bed and right to his feet, stance defensive before he's even standing.

"The fuck do you wanna know?" he snarls, voice threatening, but there's a shaky undertone. He waits for a blink, eyes wide, and then he loses all sense of an inside voice. "THE FUCK DO YOU WANNA KNOW? WANNA KNOW WHAT THEY DID? WHAT THEY SAID? HOW I FELT WHEN EVERYTHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FINE AND THEN WENT TO ABSOLUTE FUCKING HELL? FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR QUESTIONS, FUCK ALL OF THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT!" Bakugou stops screaming, panting. His shoulders hunch, but he regains his stance the second Eijirou moves to stand up from the beanbag he's been nested in. "What do you people want?" Bakugou then asks, exhaustion setting in.

Eijirou takes a step forward, keeping his hands in front of him. Bakugou looks ready to fight.

"Just what you're ready to tell me. That's all I wanna know, okay? Nothing more." Eijirou keeps his voice steady as he takes another step forward. Bakugou stares at him and lets his shoulders down again, and then he drops his whole weight back onto the edge of his bed. He squeezes his eyes shut and drops his head, too, as his nails dig into the mattress. Eijirou crosses the distance between them in two steps and settles next to his friend.

"I was scared," Bakugou whispers, voice shaking and breath hitching and he sounds so angry at himself. "I was so goddamn scared." And Eijirou knows he was probably terrified out of his mind, but it doesn't matter. What matters right now is that Bakugou is squeezing his hand for dear life, and Eijirou has no intention of letting go.

XxX

Eijirou stands in front of Bakugou's door for a moment, hearing Bakugou tell him "I was scared" over and over again and he wants nothing more than to keep Bakugou in his arms forever and ever and protect him from everyone and everything. He takes a deep breath and knocks.

"Bakugou? It's Kirishima," he says. There's a distinct possibility that Bakugou has absolutely no intention of opening the door, but Eijirou hopes that maybe, just maybe it's different with him.

Footsteps approaching the door tell him that he's right. He takes a step back and waits as the boy on the other side fumbles with the knob. Eijirou briefly thinks that maybe he should have pulled on a shirt or something, but then again he's been out of bed for less than a minute and he doesn't really care, and he's pretty sure Bakugou doesn't either.

Finally the door is yanked open. Bakugou is wearing shorts and a tank top, and he looks awful. He's shaking all over, face pale and eyes rimmed red even in the darkness. He's not breathing properly.

Eijirou surges in and closes the door behind him because this is a sign of trust, might be the biggest indication of trust he has ever been given, and he is not about to ruin it by gaping openly at his friend, let alone keeping the door open for the whole world to see, even if it’s in the middle of the night and there's no one to see – no one even awake, besides them.

(He hopes, at least.)

Bakugou's room is just as dark as everything else in the building. Bakugou himself stands in the middle of it, fighting for every short breath he takes and shaking like a leaf in a storm. Eijirou stops on his tracks and tries to look as non-threatening as possible, because Bakugou, in addition to looking absolutely miserable, also looks like just about anything could throw him over the metaphorical edge of his sanity and plunging right into the cold embrace of his fight-or-flight response, and Eijirou seriously doubts Bakugou has a flight option even programmed into his brain.

"Bakugou, I'm gonna turn on the lights, okay?" Eijirou says as he fumbles for the light switch without turning his back to Bakugou. Handling him is kind of like defusing a bomb, Eijirou thinks. Bakugou flinches when the lights flicker to life, and now Eijirou can see how pale his friend really looks, how his shirt clings to his chest with sweat. There's a terrified look in his eyes, but he stays still as Eijirou walks to him slowly.

"What happened?"

XxX

"What happened?" Kirishima asks. His voice sounds soft and like he really, truly wants to help, and it takes all of Katsuki’s self-control to not reduce himself into a sobbing mess. He doesn't do that.

Katsuki is still getting dizzier by the minute, because he still can't breathe and his hands are still shaking and he still feels like if he closed his eyes he would be back there. He feels something brush the back of his hand and then Kirishima is standing in front of him, silently asking for permission to take his hand. Katsuki complies, reaching for Kirishima's hand, and then Kirishima intertwines their fingers and Katsuki finally finds it in himself to shake his head to the still lingering question. Kirishima seems to get this, because he changes his approach.

"What's wrong, then?"

"Can't breathe," Katsuki chokes. He feels like he's drowning, has felt like he was drowning since the minute he woke up and he has no idea how long it has been. The room is swaying, or maybe that's just him, but Kirishima's hand holding his is anchoring him to the present and that's probably good, he thinks.

"Okay, we're gonna take care of that first. I count and you breathe, yeah?" Katsuki nods and the next thing he knows, Kirishima has maneuvered both of them to the floor. Kirishima counts in intervals of five, emphasizing the numbers with first Katsuki’s fingers, then his own and then Katsuki’s again, and not once does he let go of Katsuki’s hand.

In minutes, Katsuki finds himself breathing easier. The tremors traveling up and down his spine and limbs slowly come to a stop. Kirishima is endlessly patient, rubbing Katsuki’s knuckles with his thumb and keeping up the count until Katsuki can do it himself. Kirishima's voice distracts him from the ringing of his ears, and the light chases away the eerie whispers throwing themselves around in his head. He's tired, exhausted, and he finally lets his eyes slide shut as he rests his head on Kirishima's bare shoulder.

"You okay now?" Kirishima's voice wafts softly to Katsuki’s ears. He nods slowly, hesitant, but in the end maybe he is, now that he can breathe again and doesn't see blood and death when he closes his eyes.

"That's good," Kirishima sighs, sounding relieved. "So, uh..." He starts drawing circles on Katsuki’s back. Katsuki lets him. "What happened?"

Katsuki tenses up at the question; his heart skips a beat and he stops breathing for a second. He can't. He can't, he can't go over this again, not right now, not when he's still scared as fuck and it's so stupid, he's supposed to be a hero-in-training and here he is, helplessly clinging to a friend because of a nightmare. And Kirishima is so fucking understanding and so fucking emphatic and –

"Just what you're ready to tell, yeah? Just what you're ready to tell."

– so fucking comforting.

"Nothing," he growls in response, because Kirishima can be anything he likes but he's still not going to start talking about his feelings. "Absolutely fucking nothing."

XxX

Absolutely fucking nothing, my ass, Eijirou thinks. Bakugou is still sweating, and it doesn't take a genius to put the puzzle pieces together – Bakugou was obviously having something akin to a panic attack when he came in, and Eijirou knows about the nightmares. He doesn't want to force anything, doesn't want to pressure his friend to go through whatever-the-hell happened in his head again, but Bakugou's lie is so painfully obvious that he can't just leave it at that.

"I heard an explosion. Shouji heard it too," Eijirou tells, pulling away from Bakugou so he can see his face. Bakugou isn't looking at him.

"It's stupid," he mutters. "Forget it."

Eijirou takes a deep breath and prepares for the shitstorm his next comment is bound to cause. He doesn’t know when he became such a goddamn masochist.

"It's not stupid if it makes you upset." The moment the words leave his lips he realizes how incredibly cliché he sounds. Bakugou's face scrunches up and he lets go of Eijirou’s hand as if the contact suddenly burned.

"It is," Bakugou hisses back and stands up. "It fucking is because I'm supposed to be in control of my fucking quirk and then I have a fucking nightmare, a bad fucking dream and I'm exploding all over the fucking place like a fucking pre-schooler and I am so fucking tired of things not going how they should go!" Bakugou is rambling now, pacing, with his hands nervously messing his hair up further. Eijirou doesn't try to stop him, because at least he's talking now.

Bakugou is a perfectionist by nature, Eijirou knows. He's scary smart, too, and not just by his grades – he makes calculations and constructs scenarios in his head even if his actions don't always look like it, so he can't be too accustomed to things sliding out of control as badly as they did at the training camp, let alone during the rescue operation. Eijirou also knows that Bakugou has been praised as a genius his whole life, so the expectations must be huge. Even overwhelming, at times like this, no matter how he appears outside.

And now he's allowing Eijirou to see past his shell.

Eijirou gets up, too. He has no idea of the time, doesn't know how long he has been awake or how many hours he still has left until morning, but the relevance of time has figuratively flown out of the window by now. He crosses the distance between the two of them. Bakugou is still pacing, looking like stopping isn't an option anymore, but Eijirou reaches for his hand anyway.

He's fully expecting Bakugou to bat his hand away, so his surprise nearly sends him reeling back when Bakugou comes to a stop and actually lets him take his hand. Eijirou gives a tentative tug, soft and barely there and he’s not really expecting it to do anything, but Bakugou practically collapses right into him. His head falls on Eijirou’s shoulder again, forehead on bare skin and soft hair tickling Eijirou’s ear and cheek. There’s a shuddering inhale and a huff of hot air, and for a moment Eijirou forgets how to speak. How to move. How to think.

It suddenly occurs to him that he’s pretty much naked, in the middle of the night, in Bakugou Katsuki’s room. He doesn’t know what they are, exactly, but he does know that he’s wanted to kiss Bakugou for a while now (his original plan concerning his personal life, when starting high school, was to kiss as many cute guys who were also interested in kissing guys he could find. That plan hasn’t existed since late April. He really hopes Bakugou is interested in kissing guys). This is a terrible and very inappropriate train of thought right now. He’s holding Bakugou’s hand. He’s holding Bakugou’s hand.

Mentally shaking himself, Eijirou brings his free hand, the one that’s not holding Bakugou’s hand between them, to the back of Bakugou’s head. Bakugou’s shaking fist clenches on his shoulder.

“You’re okay,” Eijirou whispers to somewhere between Bakugou’s hair and the still air of the room. Shifts his head so he can repeat the words into Bakugou’s hair. It’s ridiculously soft.

Somehow, at some point, they end up sitting on the edge of Bakugou’s bed next to each other. Bakugou has calmed down significantly, but the panic definitely left with a price – he’s starting to look like he’s going to crash any minute now. It’s like he barely has the strength to keep his head up, and even that’s propped on his hands, which in turn are supported by his knees.

Eijirou watches him for a moment, one he could measure if time had any meaning right now, and wonders if he should start heading back to his own room. He doesn’t know if he wants to leave Bakugou alone, though.

“Do you wanna go back to sleep?” he asks eventually; quietly.

Bakugou heaves a sigh. “Fuck no,” he says, tone exhausted, and presses his knuckles to his eyes.

“Okay. You want me to sit with you for a while?”

Bakugou turns to look at him.

“Yeah,” he breathes. “Yeah, okay.”

And if Bakugou's hand finds its way back to his, well. No one needs to know.

#kiribaku #bakushima #fanfiction #boku no hero academia #bnha #bnha fanfiction #my writing

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itsclownhours · 3 years

Text

okay so i don’t know if i ever mentioned it but while watching merlin i’ve used a google doc of weird title ideas to rename all of the episodes and now that i’ve finished the series i would like to share with the four people who always like my posts the absolute nightmare that is the contents of this google doc (spoilers ahead, technically, i think)

merlin Things Historians Pretend Aren’t Gay: The Unlikely Adventures of Bitchface and Go Fuck Yourself

1x01 the dragon’s call Neither Boss Nor Employee Paid Enough to Deal With Each Other

1x02 valiant Everyone Should Learn First Aid (This Has Been a PSA)

1x03 the mark of nimueh Let’s NOT Wipe Out Humankind

1x04 the poisoned chalice I Fell Into a Deep Hole

1x05 lancelot You’re Valid, I Support You

1x06 a remedy to cure all ills This Is Absolutely the Right Decision

1x07 the gates of avalon I Go For an Unwanted and Unexpected Swim

1x08 the beginning of the end The Small Child Is Annoying

1x09 excalibur Ya Dun Goofed

1x10 the moment of truth The Regular Fuckface Returns to the Town of Fuckface

1x11 the labyrinth of gedref Guys, It’s Been Three Weeks Since I’ve Eaten a Vegetable: My Destiny as a Bad Cook

1x12 to kill the king Ultimate Showdown: Murder Father versus Murder Daughter

1x13 le morte d’arthur Dreams Do Come True (And That’s Not a Good Thing)

2x01 the curse of cornelius sigan The Good, the Bad, and the Okay I Guess

2x02 the once and future queen The Broken Ribs Poked Our Lungs

2x03 the nightmare begins I Need an Explanation, What Is Going On

2x04 lancelot and guinevere I Approve (This Time)

2x05 beauty and the beast part 1 This Wasn’t the Family Meeting That I Was Expecting Tonight

2x06 beauty and the beast part 2 I Am Saved From Certain Death By Being Killed

2x07 the witchfinder Those Stories Aren’t Real

2x08 the sins of the father How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and With Skill

2x09 the lady of the lake Can’t Wait to Tell This Story to My Grandchildren

2x10 sweet dreams Getting Distracted by a Hot Girl Only Leads to Bad Things

2x11 the witch’s quickening The King Can Go Fuck Himself

2x12 the fires of idirsholas Everything is a Goddamn Ordeal in This Family: Top 10 Anime Betrayals

2x13 the last dragonlord I Turned Out Liking You a Lot More Than I Originally Planned

3x01 the tears of uther pendragon part 1 Ask and You Shall Receive...Sometime Next Year

3x02 the tears of uther pendragon part 2 In Which Everything Goes Wonderfully Wrong

3x03 goblin’s gold Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly-True Memoir)

3x04 gwaine This Is Why I Don’t Socialize

3x05 the crystal cave Man Miscast in Role of Father

3x06 the changeling Successfully Evading Responsibility

3x07 the castle of fyrien The Dumbasses Take a Road Trip

3x08 the eye of the phoenix Tone It Down a Bit, Geez

3x09 love in the time of dragons Hey, Look, Old People

3x10 queen of hearts Running From Your Dad: I Know Exactly What I’m Doing (No, I Don’t)

3x11 the sorcerer’s shadow You’re a Special Kind of Stupid, Aren’t You?: Merlin Makes a Rash Decision

3x12 the coming of arthur part 1 Orphan Does Her Best to Fit in After Horrible Childhood

3x13 the coming of arthur part 2 There Is Absolutely No Way It Can Get Worse (It Got Worse)

4x01 the darkest hour part 1 Oh, Look, a Ghost

4x02 the darkest hour part 2 Unfortunately, I Am Alive

4x03 the wicked day Didn’t See That One Coming

4x04 aithusa I Wasn’t Prepared For Parenthood

4x05 his father’s son I Stab a Bitch: Aggressive Negotiations Make Everyone Hate You

4x06 a servant of two masters And God Said, “Let’s Not Give This Bitch a Break”

4x07 the secret sharer Apparently, Agravaine Does Have Some ’Splainin’ to Do

4x08 lamia The Boys Are Here

4x09 lancelot du lac I Call Shotgun (Said the Dead Man)

4x10 a herald of the new age Possession or Obsession?

4x11 the hunter’s heart I’m Bitter and I Won’t Stop Whining (Solitude Was the Only Logical Ending)

4x12 the sword in the stone part 1 I’m Packing Up My Crayons and Leaving

4x13 the sword in the stone part 2 A Guide to Giving Up

5x01 arthur’s bane part 1 My Boy!

5x02 arthur’s bane part 2 My Boy! Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

5x03 the death song of uther pendragon Way to Go, Dumbass

5x04 another’s sorrow Live Every Crisis Like It’s Your Midlife Crisis

5x05 the disir Why Am I Like This?: Merlin Is a Fucking Bitch

5x06 the dark tower What the Hell? I'm in Hell (I Have a Heated Make-Out Session With My Lifelong Enemy. Who Would’ve Thought?)

5x07 a lesson in vengeance You Know That There Is Nothing That I Love More Than Just Chilling and Drinking Poison. Seriously. I’s Great

5x08 the hollow queen An Unexpected Visit Leads to a Change in Career Paths

5x09 with all my heart A Trip to Memoryville (I Hate It)

5x10 the kindness of strangers Don’t Accept Rides From Strange Relatives

5x11 the drawing of the dark Why Didn’t I Just Walk Away? Oh, Right. Because I’m an Idiot: In Which Merlin Fucks Up

5x12 the diamond of the day part 1 We’ve Been Tricked, We’ve Been Backstabbed, and We’ve Been, Quite Possibly, Bamboozled

5x13 the diamond of the day part 2 How to Mistakenly Assume You Have Everything Under Control

#puff does things #puff's merlin tag #hell yeah that's a new tag i'm using #let's hope i can remember it #knowing me i probably won't but whatever

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brucewhite · 3 years

Text

Blood On My Hands | White Winter (BHG)

Bruce and Gliss confront their histories and find they share more than they had thought

TW: Discussions of violence, murder, descriptions of injuries (blood/cuts/burns)

@frcstedkiss

BRUCE

The world was hazy to Bruce, from his vantage point in the distance.

He was sitting there, staring at the pool. There were fish in there, deadly, flesh-eating fish. He was thinking about how many of the tributes they had already taken. They didn't care. They had to eat. They had to survive. That was their job.

It was supposed to be Bruce's job. But they weren't human. Bruce was.

So he barely noticed the screams. He barely noticed the struggle. And then, piercing through the noise: BRUCE! PLEASE!

Something caught in Bruce's throat. He was human. Being human meant being connected to other humans. And for a while, this week, he had slowly severed every bond he made here. He betrayed everyone he trusted. He even betrayed Gliss, disappearing right as she put herself in a three-against-one fight.

It wasn't the strategic thing to do. But Bruce couldn't stand feeling like he wasn't human anymore. Gliss needed him. Someone needed him. Maybe she was kind of scary, and maybe she wasn't all there, but maybe she was just a broken, grieving human just like Bruce was, and she needed someone to treat her like she was.

And so he stood up, and he ran. "GLISS!" he shouted hoarsely, grabbing onto her arms just as she hit the water. He looked around at the scene-- blood everywhere, grief everywhere, everyone ready to kill him and Gliss. He had to get out of there.

He scooped Gliss in his arms and ran, as fast as he could, and he could already see the bites blooming on her. "Hang in there," he muttered, as he tore across the landscape, as far away from that scene as possible. They didn't need to stick around there and deal with the aftermath. The vengeance of Drakken's friends. And the horrors that they had committed.

GLISS

Gliss was tired. She was still covered with blood and she was tired. With her luck, Drakken would live again and they’d find her. They’d find Bruce. And he’d suffer for her choices.

Still, she curled into the comfort of having him with her. There was another human that actually cared about her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, sniffling. “I’m so sorry... Is your head okay?”

In the arena, she knew where they were. Close to where she and Tigg spent their last moments. “Wait, watch— watch the vines,” she said between sniffles. “Tigg and I built a fort in the trees around here. We— we can stay there. It’s safe.”

BRUCE

Bruce was tired, too, his head throbbing from that rock. He would be okay, but it was going to be a long night.

He had never been to this part of the arena before. It looked surprisingly hospitable. No deadly animals, or mind-bending magic, or natural disasters. Just vines everywhere. Bruce almost reached out to touch one when Gliss told him not to. So he didn't. He should know better than to trust anything in this arena.

"Just show me where..." Bruce looked around, and then he saw it. It was pretty impossible to miss.

His heart dropped into his stomach. It reminded him of the shipwrecks he and his pod used to stumble across in the ocean, the shell of a life that once was. Bruce always thought they were haunted. This place certainly seemed so... and not the magical or technological ghosts the Capitol could think up. Just shattered dreams. Broken hearts. It was fitting, really, for the way Bruce was feeling. The Games cut everything too short, and all that was left were hollow husks where people had once tried to carve out a little bit of joy.

He set Gliss down gently by the little shelter and then sat down next to her. Maybe he should be worried about her turning on him, too. But he wasn't. Bruce understood, now, that Gliss wasn't evil. She was just in a lot of pain. It didn't change what she had done. But it made Bruce ache in a different way. And it replaced any fear he might have had.

"...How do you feel?" he asked quietly.

GLISS

Gliss pointed out their fortress and before she knew it, she was back where she started. Only this time, she was with Bruce rather than Tigg. It broke her heart in a way, but to look up and see such a kind face when she felt like no one cared about her— it meant everything.

She knew he killed Winston. She didn’t know why, but it hadn’t really bothered her either. To her, he would never be a monster the same way the girl she loved would never be a monster. He saved her and she trusted him.

As they sat in the fortress, she curled up into a ball and shook her head, tears shedding silently down her cheeks. “My Mom was right, I’m a monster,” she said, sobbing loud. “Everything hurts and I’m so thirsty and guilty and I miss her so much.”

BRUCE

Bruce had expected a lot of things, but not that. And it cut right through him, her screams and sobs, because it was exactly how he felt. A monster.

The first thing he was supposed to do was look at her cuts, clean them before they got infected, but Bruce just couldn't stop himself. He had never been very good at comforting people-- he would sit and listen to them, and then he would feel awkward and inadequate about it. But it was like watching his own inner demons play out in front of him. Bruce felt a surge of affection for this girl, this kid, who just lost the person she loved and wanted someone else to hurt as much as she did.

He didn't have an excuse. He was a different kind of monster entirely. A selfish one.

Nevertheless, Bruce wrapped his arms around Gliss and held her tight, as if he could hold all of her grief in himself, replace his own, so he could feel that instead of his own guilt. He wanted to say something comforting, but he found himself crying, too. "So am I," he choked. "So am I."

GLISS

Gliss fell into the embrace of yet another person she would choose to care about. In the end, she was just a girl that was chosen by some higher power and forced to go into a killing arena with the person she loved most in the world.

She bled too. She cried too. She was someone’s child. And she just wanted some other person to hurt like she was. It felt like someone had been squeezing her heart, bleeding her dry.

So, she gripped onto his shirt and she sobbed. Especially so in knowing he understood what it was like to be a monster. She didn’t think that of him, but that bond was something only two very broken individuals could share.

After some time, some silence…

“I— I don’t have anything to give you for saving me,” she muttered, pulling away only slightly. “I— I have iodine to… To replace the rubbing alcohol? I don’t— I really didn’t know it was yours.” Her lip quivered, her mind a jumble of thoughts as she tried to do something to make it up to him. “I’m sorry.”

BRUCE

It wasn’t smart to get attached to someone. But Bruce couldn’t control it at this point. Gliss’s grief had buried itself somewhere deep in him, because he felt it, too. Different, but the same.

When she mentioned the rubbing alcohol, a chuckle slipped from his lips, a real one, in spite of all the reasons not to. The rubbing alcohol. That goddamn rubbing alcohol.

“It’s a gift,” he said, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve and opening the bottle. “Don’t be sorry. When I... when I was growing up, it was sort of a ritual, after you went on a hunt. Everyone got together and patched each other up. And ate food, but we don’t have much of that...”

For once, the memories of his pod weren’t painful. They ached, but in a way that reminded him that he was real, that he was a person.

“Show me where it’s bleeding,” he said, offering the bottle. “It’s what we do.”

GLISS

Gliss hadn’t even processed the thought that they would be forced to try to kill each other. At this point, she wasn’t sure if she could anymore. He’d been so kind to her. She felt like she didn’t deserve it.

When he laughed, she was a bit taken aback but then, at the same time, it felt like her sanity returning. He had such a nice laugh. It fit him.

She smiled. The first real smile in awhile as he talked about home and hunting. She never had that experience before. She never really had a father or mother for rituals. “It sounds fun, actually. Having a family like that.”

She wanted to know more. Anything she could know. It was a good distraction from the Hell they were in.

“My— Leg. The most.” She showed him her wounds, the burns, the small bites…

In that time, she rummaged through her bag to find the antibiotics to prevent infection and stopped in her tracks as she found a small ring… The ring she got Tigg. She realized right then that she had left it with her before Tigg ran off. “She’s so stupid,” she said, smiling and laughing through the tears. “I can’t believe it.”

BRUCE

Bruce didn’t have a bandage, but the tarp would do fine, he supposed, until maybe the next sponsor felt kind enough to send something more. Gently, knowing it would sting, he tried his best to clean the cuts. His mother and father would have been better at this. Bruce had been left before he really had the chance to learn.

He was thinking about his pod a lot lately. Huh.

He peered at the ring. He wasn’t sure why Gliss was laughing, but he supposed something equally ridiculous had made him laugh just earlier.

“That’s... nice,” Bruce said, only seeing the way the ring caught the fading light. “Was that... hers?” He was hesitant even to say her name.

GLISS

The pain was something Gliss could handle. It stung, definitely did, but her nerves were shot after the day’s events. She didn’t even mind.

At the ring, Gliss nodded, still smiling as she dried her tears with her sleeves. She felt like a little girl. Snotty and teary faced but smiling.

“I bought her a promise ring a long time ago… She bought one for me too,” she showed him the matching ring and sighed. “When she ran off, and um… died… She must’ve left it in my bag.” The smile was fading slightly as the reality sunk in. “She wasn’t a bad person. I know she did really terrible things… But… Growing up all we know is training and violence. She was so alone when we first met. Just— consumed by rage. But then I got to know her. She was funny and witty and a goofball… She lost when she had a weakness and that was well— me. She stole things for me… That’s why I just— That’s why I’m so sorry.”

She let out a breath. It felt nice to talk about her grief. “If I know she’s watching over me, she’s grateful for you. I know that may not mean much but— that’s all I have. You will always have an ally in me.”

BRUCE

Bruce listened, focusing on taking care of Gliss’s wounds because he wasn’t sure if he could meet her eyes. And his head hurt, anyway. It was kind of painful to look up with the sun where it was.

He didn’t know if he could promise Gliss that he would always be her ally. Right now, he didn’t think he had it in him to betray another friend. But he got the sense that there was something breaking down in him, that if it really came down to it, he might still make the selfish choice. So he stayed silent.

“I... you don’t have to apologize anymore. We all did things we regretted,” Bruce said simply. He didn’t want to deal with the thought of what Tigg might think about him. He had hurt Tigg, too. “I’d been training for this, too. My parents found me when I was fifteen. Tangled in a fishing net. They didn’t have a lot of money and they never had enough food, so I was their only hope. I thought if I won, it could help them. But it’s a lot different, training and being actually in it. When you’re training, everyone’s your enemy. Here... it’s complicated.”

GLISS

“They don’t really tell us what’s happening in other districts… The families, the stories. Money was just— never really a problem for us.” The winnings were hardly even a thought in her mind. Now she was beginning to feel guilty about that too.

“Hey, um, I know this sounds awful but… If something happens to me, even if it’s you that did the awful thing, can you go to our mentor John and get Tigg’s letter for me? When and If you win? Just… Leave it with my body?” She let out a breath. Her mouth was dry. “In turn, if I win, I’ll give your family 50% of my winnings. I just… Want a little for Tigg’s home she wanted for us. But that’s— way beyond now. I hope.”

She really wanted to give him something. If that was reassurance, that’s what she wanted to provide. They had a lot more in common than she had originally thought.

“And I hate to ask but— you have something to drink from the tree, right? My sponsors must despise me.”

BRUCE

Bruce stared at her.

He knew that she knew that he might. If it came down to it. It was a horrible thought, but it was a real one, and Bruce knew that he was capable of it. Winston had been someone he cared about. That wasn’t something he had done lightly.

But if it came down to it, and if he had to kill more people, there was a part of Bruce that really wondered how he would ever go through life like this. With all these people haunting him. People celebrated Victors and held them up, but everyone knew they were deeply haunted people. So it scared him, to hear Gliss say that. He wanted to survive. Obviously. He wanted to make it home, for his family’s sake. But it was occurring to him that he really might die here, and it was a small comfort that someone else might take care of them. If that was even allowed.

He had been in the process of taking the spile out of his bag when he dropped it. Shaky hands. Bruce picked it up and put it in the tree silently, still not sure how to respond.

“I promise,” he finally said, because there was too much there for him to really unpack right now. “Do you want some water?”

GLISS

Gliss wasn’t stupid. She had spoken with Winston just the night before he was murdered. Their alliance was solid. The only way it could’ve been broken was if Bruce had killed him in a betrayal. Winston was kind, Gliss less so. It would be a lot easier to kill her.

So she stared back at him with sympathy. If she had to die, she was happy to die by his hands at least. And honestly, she’d take him to end at this point. If only because she thought he deserved it.

She’d come to terms with death being inevitable, it was only ever a matter of when. Maybe she’d make it out, maybe she wouldn’t. And life would go on.

She laid her hand on his shoulder, comforting him because she knew how uncomfortable it all was at the moment. Still she was so incredibly grateful for that promise. “Thank you and I promise too.” Another deal, another day. It was what it was. But she was still comforted by it. “Please?” she leaned forward taking a few sips and using some excess to wash her hands and face. “Thank you so much… How… How’s your head by the way? Do you need me to look at it?”

BRUCE

Bruce shook his head, though the pounding was getting worse and he really wanted to sleep. He knew you weren’t supposed to sleep with head injuries, even when you wanted to, at least until you could get it checked out. Bruce couldn’t get it checked out. He could only try and remember what he knew, from the sailors on smaller vessels who came back from storms having been tossed around by them.

But Bruce was doing okay. He wasn’t seeing double. His vision wasn’t blurry. And his mind felt clearer, at least, since earlier in the day. Still, as the sun slipped below the trees, Bruce thought he ought to take the first watch.

He didn’t trust himself to make any promises. He just didn’t think he was a good enough man not to break them, not at this point, with his track record. But he could, at least, try and show with gestures that he hadn’t completely lost his heart. That the Games hadn’t taken all of that from him yet. He had to, or otherwise he didn’t know how he was going to survive these next few days.

Maybe he wouldn’t. But he was going to try.

“It will be better in the morning. You should go to sleep. I’ll take the watch,” Bruce offered. There was more to say, but he couldn’t. It would have to be enough, for now.

#gliss #bhg #blood on my hands

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eightysixed · 3 years

Text

happier than ever

You call me again, drunk in your Benz Drivin' home under the influence You scared me to death, but I'm wastin' my breath 'Cause you only listen to your fuckin' friends I don't relate to you I don't relate to you, no 'Cause I'd never treat me this shitty You made me hate this city

words: 3.2k plot: emma and tomo’s relationship, in a nutshell. trigger warnings: abuse, assault, drugs, cheating, violence, blood, suicidal ideation, nsfw

Five years is a lifetime when you’ve just begun your twenties. It’s half a decade of years so formative and important that you don’t really realize their importance until they have flown past.

Emma spent those years with Tomo.

[ SEPTEMBER 2014 ]

A twenty-one year old goes to an Outkast concert. She gets propositioned by a guy. Rough, pushy, handsy, it’s enough to make her feel suffocated, plan paths of escape or desperately look for a face in the crowd that could intervene. Then he comes in with his buddies and they all but rescue her. How ironic Emma thinks, years later. What a Disney-ified, damsel in distress moment to have and to meet by.

They spend the rest of the concert together, follow it up with an after hours at Los Coyotes, wolfing down soft shells in between food-spitting laughter. Emma, Tomo, and his two buddies. The energy is infectious, and she doesn’t want to say goodbye at the end of the night. It’s a feeling she has never felt before; those sparks in his eyes that are in hers too, the way he grounds and floors her. They exchange numbers and Emma’s face lights up as she’s getting off her Muni owl: it’s a text from him.

It doesn’t take long for his contact name to acquire an Emoji heart next to it, the girl who ridiculed these kinds of things in high school now finding herself enamoured, head-over-heels, and not caring for the criticisms of formerly cynical self.

[ OCTOBER ] A month later and she’s packed up and moved into his place, about as happy as she has ever been of late; everything in life falls into place with him, just makes sense.

[ NOVEMBER ] He gets エマ tattooed on his collarbone; her name in katakana. She gets 23, his lucky number.

They spend thanksgiving with her mom in Cupertino. Frankie hasn’t seen Emma this animated again in a long time, composes a poem about in her head as the green beans and pumpkin pie are passed around. Later of course, she pulls out the baby photos, much to Emma’s embarrassment and Tomo’s delight. “You were such a fat baby, Jesus,” Tomo laughs. “She looks like she ate baby Jesus,” her mother quips.

When her mom falls asleep, they sneak out and climb up Emma’s childhood treehouse armed with blankets. They gaze at a sliver of night sky through a gap in the roof as Emma tells him her childhood dreams of flying to space and inventing computers that could contact extraterrestrial life. They kiss, they make love, Emma ponders her stance on marriage being outdated and for chumps and losers next to a snoring Tomo.

[ FEBRUARY 2015 ] Their first Valentine’s day together they drop acid at Pier 39. An irate parent yells at them for making out on the merry-go-round in view of children; have they no shame.

She makes new friends, dozens, someone always at their place as Tomo plays them new tracks, smoke weed together, and watch the oil projector light show make shapes on the ceiling. They talk about the future, fame, and world domination.

They don’t discuss babies because neither of them care for that sort of shit — but they do talk about moving into a bigger place together, maybe getting a dog or two — the breed is subject of many arguments.

[ MARCH ] In peak puppy fever, Emma adopts a two year old rescue bulldog named Tito. It’s the first, tiny sign of a crack in their relationship, of dissent — she thinks she sees Tomo glare at the precious pup when he thinks she isn’t looking. But maybe she imagined it. He does shed and slobber uncontrollably after all, and her boyfriend happens to be a clean freak.

[ JULY ] That summer, Emma braves a plane once more to see Tomo play in Atlanta. His set is off the walls and for the first time, she is amazed to see just how many fans he has, how far this boyfriend of hers has come from making tracks in his living room. It’s just too bad she is fast asleep when he tiptoes out of their hotel room to meet one of said fans for a back-alley blowjob.

They roadtrip across the South to play some more venues and the pattern repeats itself in Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico. She wakes up in a cold sweat one night in Vegas, confused as to why he’s gone. “Out getting food. Got hungry.” The message hits her in a weird place, but she is tired, sleepy, and in a haze; Emma accepts, does not question. He even returns with some Taco Bell for her.

Timeskip — 3 years:

[ APRIL 2018 ]

Emma is on her hands and knees in a bathroom, vomit dripping off the toilet rim. She can’t remember how or why she got here, but she’s here. Everything seems to be swimming backwards. Eventually she is able to collect herself off the floor, splash water against her face and wall-to-wall stagger back out of the bathroom. It didn’t work, she’s purged the worst of it but still feeling funny. “Oh, Emma, there you are.” A man’s hands wrap around her. He says he’s friends with Tomo. Says he’ll take her to him. Fade to black.

Waking up with strange bruises should not become a norm, but it does. Emma dismisses it, goes to work, does her best.

Things with Tomo are a violent rollercoaster; some days are great, some days nondescript; and some days downright nightmarish. They fight, throw shit, break shit, yell at each other. Things almost border on the unacceptable as words turn into threats, threats turn to action. A hand around the throat; a body pinned to the wall — her body, of course. His weed grinder he threw that hit her in the head which he swore he’d meant to only toss at the wall. It never crosses a line into the unacceptable, though. That’s what Emma tells herself. He might push her down on the bed, sure, but a bed was soft. He might squeeze her throat in the heat of an argument, but never so much that she’s passing out. He doesn’t hit, kick, or punch her. That was what abusers did, not him.

She tells herself he can’t help it, his mother used to punish him and his father didn’t love him and now he lashes out the only way he knows how, on the only person he can. He didn’t grown up in as loving a home like she did. He had his reasons. It was okay. They were okay. And the makeup sex afterwards? The best ever.

[ MAY 2018 ] A month later and Emma is walking in on some girl riding Tomo’s dick like the world was ending, right there on their couch. On their goddamn couch they picked out together, hauled up the stairs with the delivery men. Somehow, the worst part about it all, Emma’s fucked up brain tells her, is that Tito is there to witness it. Her innocent, furry son, witnessing his ‘dad’ for all intents and purposes, cheating on his mom. A ridiculously thought but one she has nonetheless as she’s driving away, Tito next to her in the passenger seat. She goes to sleep at a friend’s and sobs the entire night.

Despite herself, she doesn’t break up with him; but the rift is a mile wide and constantly palpable. Tomo becomes relentlessly apologetic. Not only does he beg forgiveness, he does it live on-air at a radio station, on social media, Emma bombarded by strangers she doesn’t know writing her to take him back. Then he goes and uses her personal kryptonite pulls a Lloyd Dobler outside her work with a Cocorosie song she was absolutely weak for. She hates making a public scene but the sentimental part of her is melting at the gesture, the boombox, all of it. Emma stays. He’d been a shitbag, but he was her shitbag, with all his lovable and terrible qualities wrapped into one person, and she just had to take the shit with the good. Because there was no one else she’d rather be with, ripping side-stitches from too much laughter at four in the morning, tears in her eyes for a good reason this time, from one of his horrifying jokes.

He was hers and she was his, that’s just how it was to be. Well, as much as she could call him hers when he seemed to be everybody else’s in the process.

Emma does ridiculous, degrading, uncomfortable things in the name of love, and yet in the end she can’t hold on to the love she had for him in the beginning. Way back when they were going up on that ferris wheel at the pier and he looked at her like he had nothing but love in this world, for her. That was what hurt the most, because now the ferris wheel only went down.

There are threesomes, fivesomes, sixsomes, so many bodies in between hers and the one she loves, all in the name of exciting him, holding onto him, trying to be something for him that measured up to Enough. But none of it is enough. None of it makes him happy, nor did it make her happy. She gives him an inch and he takes a mile and then demands more, smiling with blood in his mouth. She breaks down and becomes something she doesn’t recognize in the mirror. Whether it was an act of revenge or desperation, or finally wanting to give him a taste of his own medicine, Emma sleeps with Corey, one of his best friends. She takes pictures, sends them to him “by accident”. She hates herself through it all, every moment of it, mostly for what he made her into. And yet, underneath all the layers of attempts at hurting him she was really just crawling on all fours, begging him to love her again, need her and want he the way he did in the beginning. Craving to get that first hit back, the one she had been on a residue high off of for four years, the one that now tasted metallic and rancid in her throat.

The worst part? Tomo doesn’t care. He texts her back, telling her to have fun, to send more pictures. She’s never felt this hollow, this empty, this non-entity of a being. The day of her high school graduation flashes in her mind, her dad telling her to never lose her identity, the core of what made her, her. Emma took that core and probably threw it into the Pacific. Somewher between Japan and California, it lies at the bottom of the ocean.

[ APRIL 2019 ]

Turns out, Emma could draw a line, and that line was becoming accessory to a drug deal. She knew Tomo sold on the side to make up for all the money going into the records, but it had always been a few pills here and there, nothing big. But this? Fentanyl, Xanax, bricks of coke and hash? It was a lot. It was too much.

He sells the drugs and her to go with it, and that’s the end right there. The package she delivers to the apartment he asks her to deliver it to turns into a hostage situation, and she leaves hours later, bruises and caked blood on her. She can’t go home, doesn’t want to. She wants to jump off the bridge she’s crossing from Oakland back to the city. Any bridge, any of them would do. She understands why people jump from the Golden Gate now, or maybe always had. She was there now, climbing the railings, she was ready. She wanted that plunge so badly, would be sad to leave one parent, but good to be reunited with the other. Maybe there she’d be happy, maybe there she’d find peace.

She calls Ben that night. She’s dry eyed and unemotional, but as soon as she gets the right words, verbalizes her situation, she’s sobbing again. Tomo is out of the city, across the country in Philly on tour. Now was the time, if there was any time for it. She’s not even done with the call when Ben is getting in his car to drive to her. It’s 6 hours from Ojai to San Francisco; he tells her he’ll be there in five. She never deserved a friend like him and never would, Emma thinks as she packs, hastily because somehow Tomo walking through the front door as a ‘surprise’ wouldn’t be out of the question. In the end, she can’t pack everything, has to leave so much behind, her records, books, knickknacks. Five years in this apartment and she’s leaving all of it behind, making a getaway in the middle of the night like some kind of burglar.

By three in the morning he’s here, and they get to packing her suitcases in the car, stacking them as best as they fit in his trunk and backseat, all of Tito’s things and then Tito on a bed in the seat in the back. Emma is in busy mode, stacking and packing everything as fast she can, still somewhere in the back of her mind thinking Tomo would appear at the last minute, and how with Ben here, things could get ugly. She doesn’t want them to get ugly. She loved him far too much to see him have to deal with Tomo, the only person in that specific firing line should be her and no one else.

They drive off. She only feels herself unclench an hour out of Daly City, somewhere in between the Bay and Southern California, where she can exhale. She’s still looking behind them constantly, wondering if every passing car could somehow be him. The saddest, most desperate part of all this that a part of her wants him to have followed. One last ditch attempt to get her back. An all out attempt, one where he would get on both knees and apologize, swear to never be this way again and follow through with it, because he was her person, he was her only person, there was nobody else in this world for her but him, but what do you do when you had to run from your person in the dead of night?

She pulls her raincoat tighter when they stop to get gas, a cold and windy middle of nowhere gas station. She’s not sure how she ends up embracing him, but they’re in it, and feeling someone’s arms around her, somebody that actually cares, who’d never hurt her, who was family, was her mom and his sister and everybody she loved rolled into one, feels like a reprieve. She feels like dirt for making him do this, making him worry, Emma was a piece of shit for that.

She says as much. He tells her to shut up, that she’s nothing like that and this was nothing that he wouldn’t have done for her on any night, any time at all. And maybe that, that was the night she fell in love with him a little bit, or realized she had always been, all along, but God likes to play Lucifer’s games with the little lives he watches over, and it wasn’t made to be, too late anyway since she’d left her heart in somebody else’s hands where it would stay. And he doesn’t need a mess like her anyway, just thinking of the name Catarina was enough. It had been five years but she still remembered the day like yesterday. How low he had been back then. How they would get high together and feel miserable together because at least they had that. They had Weetzie too, but she hadn’t experienced loss like they had, she sympathized but she’d never know what this particular slice of hell was like. But Ben and Emma knew. She knew it in that part of her ribs that met his, and she did not know what she would do if she didn’t have that, have Ben Abrams in her life.

[ MARCH 2021 ]

Fast forward two years, and the ex is in town. Here, in Los Angeles. That very ex you worked so hard to forget, to heal from, to act like he wasn’t there. And yet, reminders of him were constantly there, everywhere. She doesn’t tell her friends, doesn’t tell anybody he’s in town, just balks when his so called best friend turns up in her neighborhood. She nearly grabs Tito and runs the other way, but it had been too late for that and they have a forced, awkward catch-up. He’s oblivious to anything happening, had barely known about her and Tomo breaking up. Figures, Emma thought, that he would act like nothing happened at all.

He’s in town, and every day she goes to work dreading something happening. She thinks she sees him outside the tattoo parlor’s window, but it’s someone else entirely. She’s losing it again, losing sleep, falling prey to her nightmares. Has a boyfriend now but even that doesn’t help, if anything, he’s a guilty reminder of just how little progress she had made, because she couldn’t devote the time and attention somebody like that needed in her life. Not when all she could think about was him.

The worst part is that once he’s long gone again, back up north, she’s feeling that hollow feeling again. Feeling upset that he didn’t seek her out, didn’t come see her. Even though she knew what an unmitigated disaster that would’ve been, the horrible, rotten part of her wanted it. Of course it wanted it. Two years and her skin still itched for him like an addict longing to be in the throes of fullblown relapse. But he didn’t track her down, call, or text, and that was that. Her only run-in with him involves a party flyer papered on a wall, his name in big stylized letters as the headlining DJ at the club. She stares at that flyer for a little too long, it burns itself in her eye like she’d looked at the sun for too long. And then she does the worst thing she could probably do, go on instagram. Only to find he has a new girlfriend. A brunette with tattoos who looked fun and flirty and everything she had been all those years ago.

That was the last tip of the scale. She reactivates her Tinder, finds some half okay looking guy, makes plans to meet him that night. It’s terrifying, so terrifying going through with, but she gets sufficiently drunk, then high on top of that, and goes through with it. Thinking of another boy’s name the entire time, his face, his body, hands and all the rest. Twelve hours later she’s leaving his apartment, no longer the nun of two years she’d become and feeling shitty about that on top of everything else. It was probably time to go see Karen again she thinks, smoking a cigarette under the sun that melts her while waiting for her Uber home. Thanks friends, thanks family, I’ve made terrific process with all your help and am now back to square one. Thanks for everything.

Maybe in a decade’s time.

Maybe she’d be over it by then.

#billie eilish and her new album sponsored this para #literally billie wrote this song for emma i die #did i have his s.para tucked away for 2 whole years because i was too lazy to finish it? yup #emma #self para #self para: emma #npc: tomo slater

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