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yeoslattes · 3 months

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How We Live In Tokyo

Genre: Smut, TFATF: Tokyo Drift AU!

Word Count: 5.8k

Pairings: street racer Matz!Hwa x street racer fem! reader

Summary: You were notoriously once known as the drift princess, but now you're Hwa's girl. In attempt to reclaim your title, you race, pissing off Seonghwa in the process. You are also Hwa's number one cheerleader.

Warnings: Hwa comes off as a meanie during certain parts, VERY minimal description of reader, Hongjoong openly flirts with reader (his bffs girl...), Hwa confesses, possessive Hwa, weed use, high sex, manhandling, ruined orgasm, oral m+f receiving, eating it through the panties..., lots of spit, spanking, mentions of Hongjoong fucking you by Hwa, Hwa is low-key into it, choking, just rough asf, reader cries during sex, deepthroating, creampie (unprotected sex asf), use of sir like once, basically Seonghwa fucks you stupid, very minimal subspace by reader, aftercare

A/N: She's here, for my first smut after a while it's not too shabby. I'm an over thinker so I kept reviewing and editing just making sure I was happy with the final product. Also I based the reader's car off Suki's pink car in 2003 movie, just cause I thought it'd be perfect for her. I hope you guys enjoy this Hwa as much as I did!

“Ready! Set! GO!” You swing the red cloth in your hand down, the cars beside you rev noisily. Smoke from the tire burnout goes up in the air engulfing you in a heavy cloud, and just like that the first racers of tonight were off. This was one of your favorite parts of the night life in Tokyo, the races. You never intended to become a car girl, but after a couple flings here and there got you into nighttime racing, the rush and thrill it brought you was simply euphoric. The crowd cheers loudly, flip phones out recording and taking pictures, you jump in the air waving your hands cheering over the loud music and screams.

While everyone was focused on the race at hand your eyes scanned the scenery for the only man that mattered to you, however he was nowhere in sight. You walked over to your pink Supra S2000 and leaned against the door. Your manicured hand ran over the sleek paint, you smiled at how smooth the finish felt beneath your fingertips. This car was your baby, everything was thought out and hand picked. Rolling around in a ride like your own had never made you feel anything less than superior. You were also Hwa’s girl and that in itself said enough.

As if manifested by thought, the loud exhaust causes heads to turn, the familiar midnight blue body and chrome accents on the 350Z were unmistakable. Your eyes lingered on the white lettered decal spelling ‘MATZ’ on the upper windshield, you smirked slightly as he pulled up next to you. People cheered when Hwa stepped out, clad in a long fur coat and a muscle tee underneath, he looked delectable. Despite the layers, the large letters in black ink decorating his neck were perfectly on display.

He greets his racing partner Hongjoong and the notorious KQ Fellaz who had also built an impeccable reputation amongst the Tokyo racing scene. He smiles at you as soon as he spots you. The glimmer of his grills catch the fluorescent lights of the crowded parking garage. “Hey.” He grumbles lowly in your ear, pulling you into him and pressing a searing kiss on your glossy lips. He looked down at you, long strands of raven black hair falling over his eyes. “You look good babe.” He compliments, long fingers coming up to tap on the hoops that were slightly hidden behind the layers of your hair. You smiled up at him, your legs suddenly feeling like jelly under his stare.

The arm wrapped around your shoulder drops as he turns around to look at the S2000 you were resting your weight on. He walks around it, a singular hand running over the paint. He lifts the hood up, whistling when he sees the engine, “V8 is looking good babe.” He closes the hood after admiring, “Thanks, can’t wait to take her out on a spin tonight.” At your words Hwa’s face drops, his small grin being replaced by a disapproving expression. “Not tonight baby.” You huff in annoyance, see before you and Hwa had gotten together, you were one of the best female racers in this particular part of Tokyo. Every Friday night you’d come out to the streets and race against other girls and even guys. More often than not you’d end up winning. Slowly, you built up a reputation for yourself, even earning the nickname ‘drift princess’ in the process. But that was before Hwa came in and dethroned all the top racers and drifters, ending your streak as well. Eventually, you fell for him, and while he looked stoic and rude on the outside he was a sweetie behind closed doors. His charm was all you needed to become enthralled in him, needless to say you became his princess; you were Hwa’s girl as everyone knew. You ate that title up every single time, however, the singular con about being his one and only was that in fear of you getting hurt, Seonghwa didn’t let you race anymore, not against the good ones at least. He’d always let you go against the newbies, those who were still getting the hang of the Tokyo streets and drifts.

“Seonghwa.” You begin in a begging tone, but he put his ring clad hand up, silencing you. You rolled your eyes, brooding against the Barbie pink car that was begging for a race. You watched as he went back to where Hongjoong stood conversing in a group.

A frown replaces the big smile you had just minutes ago.

You look around, hoping to find someone that’d wanna take you up on a race, even if Seonghwa had said no. Majority of the seasoned drivers were men, and due to their fragile egos, they wouldn’t dare race against you in fear that you might actually beat them and they’d never be able to live it down.

You huff in annoyance, and pull your car door open, slipping into the pink leather seats. Your mini skirt is short enough that you feel the cool leather against the plumpness of your ass. You shake your own tan fur coat off, flipping your long hair over your shoulder to give your moistened skin some air. Rummaging through your glove compartment filled with body spray and lipgloss, you pull out a roll of bubble gum, shoving a fat piece in your mouth.

As you reapply gloss and fix your hair in the mirror a female voice catches your attention, “hey,” you looked up at your friend who was polishing the car door just a few minutes ago. She nods in the direction of Matz.

Your eyes turn into slivers when you see 2 girls chatting with Seonghwa and Hongjoong. Hongjoong has his arm around the slimmer girl, he gives her a cheshire cat like smile and you could almost see her swoon, but that’s not who you were worried about. Seonghwa, is leaning against his car, arms crossed, talking to the girl in front of him. Her dainty hand comes up to touch the fur sleeve of his coat, she says something with a big smile that causes Hwa to cackle loudly. She wears a low cut halter top and a mini skirt slightly longer than yours, but the expanse of her legs made it look like a belt around her waist.

You rolled your eyes and stepped out of the car. You walk over to them, a big smile adorning your face, “hey baby.” You say in a sultry voice, your hand comes up Hwa’s arm and you proceed, “Who’s our new friend?” You turn to look at her, popping the pink bubble gum in your mouth.

You can audibly hear Hwa sigh, he leans into your ear so only you can hear, “play nice.” He whispers, his cold hand resting against the warm skin of your waist. You continue to look at her, and she smirks, “who are you?” You chuckle loudly at her words, catching the attention of the people that were around. Seonghwa lets out an airy laugh looking back at Hongjoong as if to say ‘are you seeing this right now’ to which his best friend just raises his eyebrows and chuckles, fully invested in the face off. “I’m his girlfriend. Who are you?” People are starting to gather around, you step closer to her and feel Hwa’s hand squeeze your side as a warning but you ignore him. There’s a look of realization in her eyes and her face relaxes, “ahh,” she starts, “you must be the so-called drift princess.” Her faux friendly expression drops into a stoic one, “Where I’m from there are no nicknames. You’re either good or absolute shit.” She spits.

Your heart hammers in your chest but you ignore it, “Is that a threat? Cause I bet you I can give you a run for your money.�� At this point you’re so close to her you can see the glitter lining the underside of her eye. “If I lose, I’ll leave but if I win…” She pauses momentarily, looking behind you at Seonghwa, who stands arms crossed against his car, a serious look adorning his pretty features. He hated where this was going. “If I win I’ll have him.” You chuckle and so does Hwa, making the girl in front of you cock an eyebrow up in confusion at his reaction. “I hope you pick something else.” You say shifting your weight from one leg to the other. Her eyes wander to your right, “oof didn’t think the puppy had a designated owner but that’s fine. I’ll take your car.” People around you gasp and ‘ooh’ at her request. When you tongue your cheek, she feigns a pout knowing she’d hit the spot. “Deal, see you in 10.” She whips around and walks off somewhere.

Before you can take a step, Seonghwa grabs your arm tightly, spinning you around to face him. “You must be out of your fucking mind. You bet off the car you’ve worked so fucking hard on?” He scoffs, his tongue pressed against his cheek in annoyance, “you’re fucking unbelievable.” He groans, your arms cross at your chest, resting underneath your tits, causing Seonghwa to glance down for a split second. “Oh but if it was you it’d make it okay?” You leave him with his words in his mouth, walking away before he even got the chance to get a syllable out.

Hongjoong laughs loudly at your attitude and Seonghwa’s distress, he slaps his friends back in amusement. “She’s giving you a run for your money huh Hwa?” He says. The annoyed man shoots his blonde friend a glare, resting his hands on his hips he throws his head back and huffs out a breath.

You stand on standby waiting to get the okay from your girls as they check your car before the race. Your teeth toy with your bottom lip, nervousness settling in your tummy.

You hop in your ride and turn it on, the loud engine causing people to whistle. You might’ve been old to the game but the pre race jitters were very much real. Your opponent on the other hand seemed relaxed. Your hands are clammy on the wheel but with deep breaths you manage to bring the bile rising up your throat down. Hwa stands front row and you can see him through your windshield, he stares at you before whispering something to Yunho who was part of the KQ Fellaz. The tall and slender man draws his eyes to you as Seonghwa is in his ear, and he nods agreeing with whatever your boyfriend was saying. Hwa finishes and stands still in his spot, his jaw ticks, clearly upset at what was about to happen in just mere seconds.

A girl in low rise jeans and a skimpy top comes between both cars, your foot presses on the gas, your car sputtering loudly. “Ready! Set! GO!” The pretty girl lifts her hand up and just like that your foot slams onto the pedal. You feel it before you see it as you zoom down the spacious garage. With your opponent already a couple feet ahead of you, your heart hammers in your chest, body running on pure adrenaline.

A tight turn is up ahead and you maneuver the wheel and use the e-brake to perfectly drift around until you’re heading straight again. She on the other hand turns slightly too wide slowing her down by a couple of seconds allowing you to zoom past her. The girl is hot on your ass but you keep her at bay not allowing her to get the upper hand. Her pretty face contorts in frustration as she struggles to make any moves.

This is when you start to relax and it’s like you had never stopped racing. Your mind becomes so aware of your surroundings and what you were feeling. From the way your new wheels felt smooth on the cement, to the low vibrations shaking through you; this was euphoria.

Your eyebrows knit together in pure concentration as you accelerate. You hit another tight turn, performing the drift that many struggled with effortlessly. Right before the parking garage ramp that spirals upward into the main street, you keep going straight. With a heavy foot you press on the gas, giving it all you got, you can see the exit of the garage and the final drift that everyone always anticipated.

As you neared it you turned the wheel and pulled on the e-brake, successfully drifting up the ramp till you made it out, the hoard of people eagerly waiting. At the sight of the pink lights adorning the underside of your car, Seonghwa relaxes. You had fucking done it. Your wheels skid loudly as you slow down to park your car.

People high five you and jump on the hood celebrating what had basically been your comeback after so long. You hopped out the car, pulling your slutty skirt down and jumping on Hwa. His hands wrap around your waist, stuffing his face into your neck, taking in your sweet perfume. “Good job baby.” He whispers in that deep voice of his. “You’re so fucking hot you know that?” He says pulling you into a sloppy kiss. The girl who had raced you parks her car and hops out storming over to you. “That wasn’t fair.” She argues, “you are either good or absolute shit.” You shrug, reciting her words back to her. She grits her teeth and storms off, disappearing into the mass of people. You feign a pout and roll your eyes. As people start to head back down into the garage, Seonghwa pulls you into him. “Bad girl.” His words shoot straight to your pussy, a heat wave rolling over your body.

Another Friday rolls around, it'd been precisely one week since you won your first race back. It was already 11 PM but the streets of Tokyo were calling your name. Tonight’s outfit consisted of a low rise pleated miniskirt and a long sleeve crop top. You looked in the mirror, enjoying how your belly button jewelry dangled and glimmered under the warm lights of your room. Tonight would be special since Matz had gotten challenged by two random guys who wanted to claim territory. If there was one thing you loved to do on a night that Hwa would be racing was look pretty and sit like a good girl in the passenger seat of his car while he raced. I’ll be there soon baby, you sent Hwa a message through your pink flip phone hoping that he wouldn’t be too distracted to read it.

Singular strands of your hair stick to your glossy lips as you cruise down the somewhat empty roads, the wind blows through your hair and you sing along quietly to the Nelly Furtado CD Hwa had gifted you. It wasn’t long before you were pulling up into the infamous garage. If there were alot of people last Friday, they had tripled today, of course just for Matz. You pulled into the spot next to Hwa, your loud exhaust catching his attention. He went from talking with Hongjoong to looking at you. He smiled at your car, still not over how perfectly the pink decked out car suited you.

You killed the engine and hopped out, already feeling the eyes running over the expanse of your body, Hongjoong and Hwa included. If there was one thing about Hongjoong was that he did not care. Yes, Seonghwa was his best buddy, but he made sure to let Seonghwa know just how delectable you were with no shame. Still, in other ways he was respectful of his best friend’s relationship but he loved to take peeks anytime he could.

You walk over to your boyfriend who instead of the iconic big fur coat wore baggy cargos and a muscle tee, his arms on full display. “Hey baby.” You say pressing a kiss on his cheek, you smile at the slight residue of your lips on his cheek. He grabs your chin and kisses you, you try to pull back but the suffocating grip on your face keeps you in place. His tongue toys with yours, and he sucks your bottom lip into his mouth before letting go with a final bite. When you pull away he grins at your flushed face and how he had basically eaten all the lip gloss off.

“Hey Hongjoong.” You pant loudly, greeting the other man who had seen the entire exchange in front of him, he nods his head up at you, “drift princess has made a comeback huh?” He teases, you nod sheepishly. “Maybe next time you’ll take me up on a race?” You ask with big eyes and he smiles, “is that a challenge?” He asks, cocking his brow up, “of course.” He lets out an airy laugh, “that’s if Hwa lets you.” He teases, before walking towards his car. You turn to look back at Hwa who’s grip has tightened around you.

“Hongjoong is up first. Are you gonna be a good girl and cheer for him baby?” Seonghwa says leaning down so you could hear him. You nod and clap excitedly when you see Hongjoong’s car by the start line. As soon as Hongjoong takes off you and Seonghwa run towards the finish line, you both wait, watching through the small flip phone screens as people document the race. You cheer loudly when you notice Hongjoong’s car is ahead. In no time he is skidding up the ramp, drifting into the big pit. He had won! Hwa claps and whistles loudly at his partner's success, now it was up to him to win the second one to maintain the best of the best title.

You follow your boyfriend down to the garage and hop into the 350Z, you inhale the fresh car scent mixed with his cologne. “Ready baby?” You ask him, he grips your hand and kisses it, “always.”

Hongjoong peers in through the passenger side window, you buckle in as he talks to his best friend, paying no mind to what they were discussing. When he finishes he taps the edge of the window and sends you his infamous cheeky smile and a wink.

You sit quietly, sucking in a breath and getting ready for the ride. Hwa exits the garage, and that’s when it becomes too real. One thing about Seonghwa was that he always preferred racing in the streets rather than the garage that almost every race took place in. You place a hand over your chest, feeling your blood pumping muscle thrumming beneath your fingers. At the sound of you sucking in another sharp breath Seonghwa turns his gaze to you. “Scared?” He asks, a teasing smirk playing at his lips. You purse your lips swallowing thickly, nodding. “It’s usually more dangerous Hwa, I hate when you do this.” You say, voice barely above a whisper.

“Dangerous…” He scoffs, “That’s what I said last week when you raced and you still went against my word. So, sit, look pretty and hold on tight or get the fuck out.” He had gotten you there, regardless, there was no way to ever argue with Park Seonghwa. So, you shut your mouth up and look down at your fiddling hands.

The starter is another girl, she swings her bra up in the air and when it drops Seonghwa takes off. The g-force alone pulls you back into the seat, your hands grip the door handle and your seat, ironically your fear only grew. He hollers loudly already having a great advantage to his opponent, your body turns with the car as he drifts. You stared at his pretty features, his perfect skin and long nose bridge accompanied by his pink and plump lips. He’s too busy looking for the guy through his mirrors to really pay attention to anything else, the air blows violently into the car, your hair a mess now. The longer you sit in the car, the more you start to relax, the cool breeze in your face relieving your anxiety.

Seonghwa startles you when he grumbles loudly, he hits the steering wheel out of frustration, his opponent had passed him. You weren’t too familiar with the path Hwa was taking, perhaps racing here once or twice before and if you remembered correctly he was more than halfway done.

“Hold on!” He yells, he presses the red button beneath his thumb, immediately you are pulled back from the sudden acceleration. His 350Z zoomed by the guy in the other car and already you could see where the finish line was. Hwa keeps the man at bay as he rides his ass. As if it were clockwork the crowd of people disperse to make room for the infamous Park Seonghwa. He crosses the threshold into the pit of people, the car coming to a noisy stop. He cheers and you cheer along with him “I fucking love you.” He yells, you feel everything go in slow motion at that moment, the faces of the people cheering him on outside become a blur, it almost felt like you had ascended. “W-what?” you say in confusion, “I fucking love you. I am in love with you.” He says, smiling widely at you.

Like a tradition, people hit the roof and hood of the car congratulating him on another victory. He pulls you into a heated kiss and when you pull away you lean into his ear. “I love you too Hwa.” He hops out of the car and you follow suit, instantly, he wraps his arms around you and lifts you up. Hongjoong comes up and gives him a hug, “we are still the best of the fucking best.” Hwa’s best friend yells.

The rest of the night you had spent velcroed to Seonghwa’s side, celebrating the win and watching other races go on. By 2am you were ready to call it a night. That's when Hwa pulls you aside, “wanna spend the night?” He asks tucking a loose piece of hair behind your ear. You nod eagerly, “we can get high and do whatever we want.” He whispers only for you to hear. His hands softly caress yours. “I’ll see you there baby.”

The drive to Matz’s garage is about 10 minutes, you pull in and park in the spot Seonghwa had reserved for just you.

The garage was Seonghwa’s and Hongjoong’s working space, it was scattered with car parts as well as half built vehicles. You stepped out of your pink mobile and headed up the metal stairs, your boots stomping loudly, sending vibrations up the railing. Hwa stands at the door and lets you in.

You stepped into the warm apartment, fully expecting Hongjoong to be there but instead it's quiet. “Where’s Joong?” You wonder, not wanting to impose on his personal space and most definitely not wanting him there if you and Hwa got to it. “Found some girl at the race tonight so he won’t be here.”

As always Hwa hands you an oversized shirt, it was a routine any time you stayed at his. Given that your clothes weren’t always the most comfortable, he’d always have an oversized tee on deck just for you. You strip in front of him, already feeling his gaze burning holes into your supple skin. You sigh gleefully at the feeling of the tight clothes being off your body.

Seonghwa sparks the blunt, his slender fingers bring it up to his lips, he takes a long drag and hands it to you. “I don’t know if I should.” You say quietly, weed just wasn’t your thing like it was Hwa’s. “It’s indica this time baby. You’re here with me, it’ll be okay.” You take the burning blunt from him and raise it up to your lips, praying that you wouldn’t end up panicking like the first time you had smoked with him. Your eyes close softly, as the smoke rushes into your lungs, affecting all your senses.

You hold the smoke in for a couple seconds, handing it back to your lover. Seonghwa takes 2 long hits, relaxing into the couch you two were on. Your eyes linger on him, you could see his eyes drooping slightly from the marijuana. His limbs are loosely splayed on the couch, blunt hanging loosely between his pointer and thumb. Without much thought you reach for the burning plant and take another hit, that was enough to have you feeling like you were melting into the couch. You didn’t know how, but Hwa always managed to finish the blunt, this time was no different.

“I’m pretty high right now.” He mumbles thoughtlessly slouching down even further. As the minutes tick by you feel yourself get more and more intoxicated. You felt tingles run up and down your arms and legs and your eyes felt heavy. Seonghwa drapes his fluffy blanket over the both of you when he notices your body starting to shiver. Normally, you’d be freaking out but for some reason you felt fine, just high. Seonghwa lays his head on your lap, eyes on the TV. You looked down at him watching his eyes slowly blink as he focused on Finding Nemo. The chills had subsided, if anything you felt warm now, even warmer as you felt Hwa’s hand trailing up and down your bare thigh.

He grins slightly when he feels your thighs twitch beneath him. He kept this up for what felt like ages, never getting close to where you really needed him. Seonghwa shifts down, the full weight of his head now resting on your left thigh. You lean your head back on the couch when he runs his hand between your legs this time. He fully reaches your hot heat. “H-Hwa…” You whimper weakly, you pout when he looks up at you. He sits up, one leg pulled in and the other one resting on the floor. He presses his lips against yours, his hands gripping your face. Nothing was neat about the kiss, it was filled with hunger and lust. His spit coats your chin now and you moan when his tongue snakes between your parted lips. He roughly pulls you onto his lap, large hands going directly to rest on your ass. You pulled away momentarily, to mumble a quick “I love you Hwa.” He pauses his actions, fingers brushing messy hair strands away from your face, “I love you too baby.”

Seonghwa grunts when you grind down forcefully on him, he pushes you off him roughly, and drags you into his room. You bask in his sheets, his scent completely engulfing you, you felt like you were drowning in him. “Been wanting to fuck you ever since I saw you in that stupid slutty outfit of yours.” He tugs his shirt off you. Immediately his lips latch onto one of your buds while his free hand toys with your other tit. You felt like you were floating and in a way he felt so far yet so close. All your senses were on overdrive thanks to the weed. “Seonghwa please.” His hands wrap around the back of your knees to flip you onto your belly,

His hand comes down heavy on your plush ass. Hwa smiles sinisterly at the red hand print forming, he feels himself twitch in his pants. He delivers a couple more slaps, “don’t think I have forgotten how you’ve been flirting with Hongjoong.” You lift your head up to protest but he shoves you back down and you let out a yelp. “What a slut. My best friend? Really?” He grits out as he works on the button of his pants.

You can’t push down the tears that sting your eyes, despite his words you knew he knew you’d only ever pick him, he just wanted to pick on you.

You rest tummy down one cheek pressed against the mattress, “Hongjoongie keeps messing wi-.” You’re cut off by Hwa’s hand landing on your already abused skin. “Don’t try to make it his fault.” He grits, leaning his torso to get closer to your ear, “but honestly if I was him I’d wanna wreck you too.” A wave of arousal crashes over your body, shooting straight south.

Hwa pauses, watching the way your thighs pressed together. You sniffle, tears rolling freely now out of frustration. “Are you fucking crying?” Seonghwa says brushing your hair away from your eyes. He scoffs, “no way you’re fucking crying.” Seonghwa clicks his tongue in disapproval.

“It’s okay baby, maybe one day I’ll feel nice and let him fuck you too. Would you like that?” He teases, flipping you back onto your back. You shake your head ‘no’. He spreads your legs open and toys with your sensitive bud that your panties outline. “No? Because you’re soaked right now.” Without slipping the dampened undergarment off he leans down and flattens his tongue against your cunt, soiling the fabric even further with his spit.

Hwa works his long tongue languidly against you making you writhe in his grasp. “H-hwa.” You moan attempting to shove your hips against his face. The grip he has around your thighs prevents you from doing so. He presses harder against you and loosens his grip allowing you to fuck yourself on his pretty face. You groan, involuntarily grinding against him desperately trying to chase your high. “Cum baby cum.” He sounds muffled, the weed heightening every sensation has you teetering on the brink of your orgasm rather quickly. Right before you fall over the edge he pulls away; waves of what could've been your orgasm roll through you but fade as quickly as they came leaving you unsatisfied.

You groan in annoyance, tears pooling in your eyes yet again. “You’re leaking from both ends now, that’s new.” Seonghwa says as he cups your chin, he leans down so his droopy eyes are directly in front of your teary ones. “There's no reason to cry so stop before I give a reason to.” His words make the tears actually roll down your face this time and he grins at the sight.

He flips you back onto your belly, “all fours baby.” As high as you were, you did your best to move into the requested position, your limbs moving slowly due to your impaired motor skills. He pulls your underwear down, sniffling slightly. You can feel his cockhead prodding at your sopping hole, you whine, wiggling your hips back against him. His large hands come to your shoulder blades to hold you down while he pushes in. You gasp at the intrusion, the stretch so delicious you squirm back to get more. “Stay still.” he grumbles annoyingly. He fucks into you hard, his hips being unforgiven against the globes of your ass. You keep shifting to which Seonghwa stops and places a hand on your lower back to deepen your arch. “Don’t move.” He keeps you there, his thrusts are deep and forceful, hitting that spongy spot deliciously.

Your mouth is agape but there’s no sound coming out. “God- fuck Hwa,” you pant, tongue lolling out of your mouth and your eyes rolling back to your skull. “Feels good huh baby” He grunts, his own pants and groans filling the room, “so fucking perfect- you’re perfect.” He whines desperately, rutting into your wet pussy, you fight for air, your gasps sounding high pitched every time you sucked in air.

He pulls out, “Get up quickly.” He commands, grabbing you by the arm, he manhandles you on your knees. “Open.” Your mouth drops open, tongue out ready for whatever he had to give you. Seonghwa wastes no time shoving his cock down your throat. You relax as much as you can, spit pooling in your mouth and falling onto your chest in thick ropes. Through the slits of your eyes you can see Seonghwa looking down on you with heavy eyes, the ‘Matz’ scribbled across his neck stretching beautifully as he throws his head back. Spit bubbles at the corners of your mouth and he grabs your head and shoves his dick desperately as far as he could until you are fighting to pull away.

You push back, resting your ass on your heels, fighting to catch your breath. “Good fucking girl baby. Cmon get up so I can’t fuck my load into you.” Hwa says, slightly out of breath. You lay back on the bed, hips hanging slightly off the bed, he slips right back in. Your spit mixed with your wetness, allows his cock to enter your walls smoothly. Your back arches off the bed as he fucks you hard, his hands push down on your waist once more to pin you down.

The fat head of his cock hits your spot again. Everything feels far away now, but your orgasm is fast approaching. “You’re fucked d-dumb aren’t you. Does my dick do that to you?” He asks, his tongue running over his pink lips, “look at you can’t even fucking answer me.” Seonghwa’s hand wraps around your throat tightly while his free one toys with your clit, stimulating you to the brink of your orgasm, a couple more strokes and your legs begin quaking on his shoulders, “Fuck Hwa, sir too muc- I can’t.” You cry out, bringing your arms that suddenly feel so heavy to push him off but instead he wraps his hands around your wrists and presses them into the bed, “it’s o-okay baby. I’m almost there.” Sweat drops are now falling on you. He slows down his thrusts, he grinds himself into your cervix that sends him over the edge. His hips still and he groans loudly emptying his load into you. You whine, weakly trying to get him off, but still relishing in your postorgasmic bliss. He pulls out watching the way you weakly curl into yourself, his spunk seeping out of you and he can't help but smirk.

“Don’t float away from me yet baby.” He says tapping your cheek. He slips the same shirt you had on earlier over your head and wipes you down. Slipping on some sweats and an old shirt he tucks himself in bed with you. Your eyes are now closed, the cloudiness of your high slowly dissipating but still, you felt exhausted. You slowly blinked, now realizing that Hwa had turned off the lights and you sleepily admired the way the neon purple lights from the signs outside illuminated the room.

“Hwa?” You ask into the darkness. “Hm?” He responds, not moving from his spot, “I might’ve agreed to another race next weekend.” You say sheepishly, he rolls his eyes in the dark, and you can feel the disappointment and annoyance radiating off him, “you’re in big trouble.”

#ateez smut #hongjoong smut #jongho smut #mingi smut #san smut #seonghwa smut #wooyoung smut #yeosang smut #yunho smut #matz smut #smut

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koolades-world · 1 month

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this was originally a request and i accidently got rid of it i think? i'm not really sure what i did but it's gone im literally so upset

so basically i posted sunday's post by accident, and only realized after i clicked on the next request so in a panic, i clicked off without thinking about it to do I wasn't sure at the time. i eventually resolved to just let that be and move sunday's original post to monday, but when i came back looking for the thing i had tried to start it was gone :(((

I'm so sorry to this anon they said some very sweet things about how visiting my blog was comforting and that they liked how i penned the characters and i just wanted to say thank you for that and hope you're reading <333

please enjoy!

Mc with burnout symptoms

Lucifer

when he notices you exhibiting the symptoms he knew from experience, he's quick to check up on you

he immediately talks to you about it and works with you to walk you through what he does in hopes of helping

his method of coping is meditation and yoga

if you're up for trying it, you can make this a thing you do together

Mammon

lately, he's been running into you more and more awake at three in the morning on RAD nights

he's awake just because he has a bad sleep schedule, but you're not like this at the frequency he's been seeing you at

one night, he prepares a cup noodles for both of you so you can chat over something you both love

he deeply cares about you since he feels as you're the first person to express how much you love him, so anything he can do, he will do

Levi

it's scary to him to being to see you echo the negativity he knows so well

he notices you begin to lose passion for the things that you loved before

he felt lost at first, but he knew that you needed his support so he stepped up for you

he lets you know he's willing to chat about it and will help you out however he can

Satan

while he doesn't catch on right away, he does notice your change in behavior

he does frantic research until he thinks he's figured out why you're acting different

he tries his best to subtly make changes in your life, such as making an effort to get to bed early with you and taking the scenic route home to enjoy the nature

when you inevitably notice, he lets you in on what he did, and how even after you overcome the burnout, you can keep up these habits if it makes you happy

Asmo

he noticed your newfound irritability before you did

when he came to talk to you about it, it was then you realized you had burnout

while he knows pampering you can't solve every problem, he loves to make you feel special and to help you relax

the two of you can go talk to solomon about it as soon as possible to ask for his help

Beel

when he notices the burnout symptoms, he didn't know what is was at the time

but he did know that sometimes he saw the same things in lucifer

so, he did what he does with lucifer: do some fun exercise together!

not only do the two of you get more time together, he just wants to help you and is doing it how he knows best

Belphie

watching you slowly being to just lay around like him was almost scary

the onset of creeping negativity wasn't like you

he resolved to help you find a way to work through it together

anything that you tried, he would do too to give you a little extra motivation, even if it's something he would never normally do

#obey me #obey me!#obey me x reader #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me beel #obey me levi #obey me belphie

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retrieve-the-kraken · 1 month

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Okay, so I’ve finished my taxes, and I’m basically out of the woods with some overwhelming work stuff, and everything turned out well with a medical situation with my mum, but I am still very tired, but I also cannot keep going without putting my preliminary thoughts on my very first viewing of season 3 down on a post…

It seems my worst characterization so far is assuming that these two idiots would learn to communicate. They haven’t, they’re stupid teenagers, they’re really bad at it, they get mad at each other for everything, and they don’t listen. And that needs to change soon if we want Wilmon endgame.

Boris, do you do couples therapy? PLEASE HELP THEM.

I think a big reason Wilhelm lashes out, besides getting caught up in his own head, is the fact that he’s also constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing and pissing Simon off. But the stakes for Simon are clearly higher. Wilhelm really needs to learn to communicate, but he’s dragging a whole life of terrible communication and zero support, so HOW is he supposed to learn, if he naturally feels afraid to open up?

It shows in the way he reacts to learning about Erik. Simon might be right, and Erik maybe just gave in to peer pressure, like everyone else in that school (which we see over and over again, like with the strike, and that guy who just repeats ‘yeah hilarious’ when Vincent tells him, and the graduation rituals and basically everything that everyone does at that fucking school), and maybe he wasn’t particularly homophobic. Or maybe he was, but if he had found out about Wilhelm maybe he would have changed his views (after all he was a stupid kid too)… But how would Wilhelm know? Erik is dead, there’s no way of asking him, confronting him about it. And people still call him perfect, and still compare him to his brother.

It must be so traumatizing to have held this person in your head as the one you trusted for everything, the one who would support you most, the one who probably knew you better than anyone else, who would love you and be there for you no matter what, and it turns out that he might not have accepted you at all. And just like that Wille is all alone and angry and afraid again.

(This is why it’s extra cruel that August posted that fucking video, especially how premeditated it was to share it over the whole world, but also then tell Wilhelm that his brother was possibly a homophobe. It doesn’t matter that he went through that horrible hazing, it doesn’t matter that he put a stop to it, and it doesn’t matter that he’s a stupid kid too, the fact that he did THAT to someone, anyone, is awful and he should have known better.)

So that scene in season 1 when Erik teases Wilhelm about his crush potentially changes completely. Maybe he didn’t suspect anything, maybe it was just a coincidence that he never used any pronouns…

And that makes it even more traumatizing that his parents still think of Erik as the figure of perfection, and Wilhelm, who is queer and scandalous and rebellious, is the real thorn on their side. Fucking Ludvig saying that Erik really was perfect, that he didn’t have “that darkness inside of him”, to his surviving son… But for all we know maybe Erik’s death was not accidental, maybe he did have “a darkness” inside of him.

On the other hand, that “darkness” doesn’t excuse Kristina at all. I am convinced that this depression/burnout that she’s going through is absolute bullshit. Sure, she might be depressed, she’s still grieving her “perfect” heir, and she’s going through a lot. But it’s like Wilhelm says, how convenient that she shuts down and breaks down now. She wasn’t like this when the video happened, because she could still cover it up. And she wasn’t like this when Wilhelm called her to scream that he was going to abdicate, because she could still drag him out of Hillerska. It was only when he told the whole world, and there was no covering it up anymore, that she suddenly became fragile with grief.

And even if it were true, even if she’s going through a severe depression or burnout, as a result of everything that’s happened, that doesn’t excuse her previous lies and manipulations. And it makes the fact that she still really wants Wille to become her successor, despite knowing what it could do to him, despite knowing that he’s already extremely anxious and that he does not know how to manage his own emotions, is evil.

(And even if she wants August to be the backup too, knowing how he is, knowing his own family history, and how it could affect him too, is evil too.) MORE on this later.

Kristina uses her breakdowns to emotionally manipulate Wille into trying to do his best to be the perfect crown prince, now indirectly through Farima and Ludvig. And Wille’s so concerned with her and her fragility that it affects his relationship with Simon. Because he’s anxious about the possible imminence of having to take over, of being the new monarch, when he can barely control his own feelings, when he just wants to enjoy his first relationship and just be in love.

Of course he made things worse for himself and Simon when he publicly revealed their relationship, but we can understand where that’s coming from. He didn’t want to hide anymore, he didn’t want to not be able to be himself anymore, not be able to be with the boy he loves. But they’re still forced to hide, because people start hating on Simon, because people won’t stop talking about them (as much as I HATED Wille shushing Simon, I also understood that he didn’t want anyone to hear their argument, because he didn’t want to give people more reason to talk about them, but also there’s probably a lot of ‘keeping up appearances’ embedded in his mind), because they are very different and almost incompatible for many reasons, and because being the crown prince means conforming to a lot of things (no tattoos, no cutting your hair shorter than, no nail polish, no expressing political opinions, etc etc), and so he has to remove the nail polish and he doesn’t want his foundation to be geared toward LGBTQIA+ people or mental health issues… He can’t express himself, he can’t be himself, because what he is or who he is for real is not compatible with his role or what is expected of him… he’s so repressed still.

(The whole nail polish scene, and the scene where Simon suggests that Wille’s foundation could be geared toward LGBTQIA+ youth, reminded me a little of Isak in SKAM saying that he wasn’t just going to start marching in the Pride parade or wearing makeup. Wille is not necessarily about identity expression, or at least he doesn’t think that he should be. He just wants to be himself, and be with the boy he loves, and that’s it).

As for Simon, he can do no wrong, and I absolutely agree with everything he says and does, but he has always been very idealistic, and he does come across as a little more naïve than I expected, especially with the whole social media comments and his song. It wasn’t the first time he experienced it, because things went south for him when he appeared on the video, so for him now to think that people are magically not going to be cruel.

But I understand how much he’s sacrificing for Wille, and Wille not appreciating it at all must sting. Just like he points out that he didn’t have contact with Micke for years, for Sara’s sake, and suddenly she’s living with him… that fucking hurt. Simon has always been very opinionated and outspoken, and he’s very authentically and proudly himself, but he’s also always molded himself to what other people need, like being a parented child and taking on too much in the house to relieve Linda, and taking care of Sara, and worrying about his father, and letting himself be manipulated by Marcus, and now basically giving up a lot of himself to be with Wille. And as a result Linda treats him like he’s a drug addict, and Sara goes to the father she didn’t want to have contact with, and Marcus talks shit about him to the press, and Wille doesn’t listen to him…

Sara saw the light (sort of), so maybe hopefully Wille will too. More on that later too.

Anyway, it would have been nice for someone from the royal court to sit Simon down and explain to him what being the boyfriend of a royal involves, so that Wille doesn’t have to figure out how to tell him all these difficult things himself. Wille is so used to some of these things, they seem so obvious to him, that he might not immediately think of how weird or outlandish it might seem to Simon. (THat scene with the cake, I mean… it was funny in a way, but I wonder how many terrifying thoughts crossed Simon’s mind, the obvious “wait what??? did I just eat poison???” but also “wait what??? someone’s trying to poison my boyfriend????” and “there are kids here, have they also accidentally been poisoned????”).

I really really hope that, since he’s being forced to go to Boris with August, that Wille will think about going with Simon, and trying to work things out. They need to be able to say all these things to each other, get on the same page.

More importantly, I need a callback to what Boris said to him in season 2, about the expectations of his family, about being able to make his own choices. Which Wille internalized beautifully with that speech to Simon outside his house.

Anyway, this is already very long. Moving on to more general thoughts:

- I did think that the fact that they sort of resolved the whole issue with the police report and the drugs felt a little anticlimactic. It was built up and built up and the whole season 2 finale was about that, and we had a cliffhanger and everything, and then… bye. I wonder if it will come back (more on that later).

- And for that matter, Alexander just became a background character. Did he even have any lines? I could barely spot him.

- August telling Wilhelm in front of everyone at the table that he’s sure Wille will fuck up on his own… rich.

- Also Stella and Rosh was sort of hinted at, it happened in a blink, and then Fredrika was… jealous? Confused? Homophobic? All of the above? But then… NOTHING. Stella was even missing in the last episode, because she was “sick”… (scheduling conflicts for Felicia? Actually sick?)

- I think it’s interesting that Sara preached and preached to Simon about giving people a second chance, including their dad, and then she… goes and does it? It wasn’t the first time she did, she was with August despite the awful thing he did. And then she goes and… gives August ANOTHER chance????

- Someone needs to tell Sara that she needs to stop getting wtih August, because every time they get together somehow, Wilmon go south… It seems these two couples cannot exist simultaneously…

- So I still have to rewatch, but… is August then in the middle of selling his father’s estate to pay Simon? Are any of his friends aware of this?

- I have a cultural question: what was the whole deal about travelling to the US? I mean, I thought they were asking if these kids have never travelled abroad, but they mentioned the US specifically, several times… Is that a thing in Sweden, traveling to the US? Not any other part of Europe? Not Asia? Just wondering. Made me curious.

- Still waiting for this season’s Elias song… just one episode left… If we don’t get one, or a callback to Revolution, I might claw my face off…

- Nils repeating that maybe Wille would have been better off with someone from the inner circle. Seriously, Nils, who do you mean? WHO? Who could you be referring to? Hmm?

- Something else about Nils… a part of me really wished that Wille would have asked Nils for confirmation on the Erik thing. Wille obviously doesn’t want to believe it at first, but then he does, and hearing it from August makes it even worse, so maybe hearing it from someone like Nils would be the final confirmation that he would need, that his brother was the worst. On the other hand, for him to ask Nils to confirm something like that, as a gay, and possibly hearing what happened to him as a result of it… that would have probably made it even worse.

- Really hate that Marcus was mentioned, that he came back to haunt Simon in a way, even if it was minimal. But props to Simon for not rising to the bait in that moment.

- Simon, my love, i understand that you’re upset and heartbroken, but… it would have been nice if you tried to get Wille to talk to you one last time, before breaking up with him on his birthday… especially seeing everything he’s going through. Not that your feelings are any less important than his, of course, but… are you trying to get him to jump out the window????

-Eternally saddened by the disappearance of the orange sweater. Eternally saddened by the fact that Wilhelm did not set foot in or around Simon’s house this season. Although who knows, still one episode left…

Things that I liked most:

- Seriously the chemistry between Edvin and Omar is OFF THE CHARTS. The intimacy coordinator this season was very good.

- Especially that sex scene. Not just because it makes me immensely happy when my favorite ship fucks, because holy shit that was hot, but also because there’s a whole theme around all the hate mail and messages and classism and homophobia and toxic masculinity that Simon is a target of, especially being Latino, whilst Wille, being white and privileged and high class and the heir to the throne, is probably seen as the “man” of the relationship (especially since in the video he’s also the one “in control” whilst Simon is the receiver), so it’s very VERY satisfying to see that they are both top and bottom at times, and they both equally enjoy it.

- Also the use of choir music during the sex scene, giving it a very holy feel, much like Elias’s Holy playing when they have sex again in season 2… seriously I NEED my Elias song this season or I WILL START A REVOLUTION.

- At first I was annoyed at the whole “school possibly closing” plotline, because I thought it was unneeded. Or that maybe it would play a bigger role in the whole video-drugs controversy. But the truth is that it was really good, how it highlighted these kids’ privilege and the absurdity of wanting to cover things up and uphold traditions, and it also worked wonderfully to highlight the divide between Simon and Wille. As Simon says to Wille, he only takes a stand when he has nothing to lose.

- Felice. Felice this whole season was magnificent. Her whole breakdown over the end of her friendship with Sara, showing how truly important it was to her. And Madison saying that sometimes breaking up with a friend is worse than getting dumped, and I AGREE SO MUCH. But then I also think she loses her sense of self, because despite being popular and beautiful, she still gets used and treated badly, by August (obviously), but also by Wille (the kiss), and worst of all by Sara (who in a way used her for her horse, but also for the clout). And in the meantime, she’s treated differently than the other students for being one of the few black girls, and she gets singled out for her hair… and yet, the school is using her to make themselves look good. And now she decides to give Sara a second chance, because she really missed her, because it really hurt to lose that friend, and Sara goes and… does that…

- One of my favorite things about Simon is how he is proof that just because you’re gay doesn’t mean that you have flawless fashion sense. And i can’t help but wonder how fashion and style icon/ELLE’s Best Dressed Man/OMR Beauty founder Omar feels about Simon’s fashion choices. Never change, Simon, never change.

- Vincent was every bit of the tremendous asshole that I hoped he’d be this season. Did not disappoint. I wanted to punch him in the face every time he opened his mouth. Marvellous.

- I’m happy that we got more Madison, but still not enough. Still, iconic. Forever one of my favorite characters.

- I don’t know what to say about Sara and Micke. Just maybe that, when he played that song in the car, even before they started singing, i just knew “oh fuck, it’s all going to shit soon…” I guess Sara felt lost enough that she was suddenly willing to give him a second chance. And the whole “is that going to happen to me?” bit really made me sad. That she understands that mental health and mental illness is unfortunately many times hereditary, and worries that she might become just like him… But despite not being entirely like him, with addiction problems and such, she was still unreliable like him, she did bad things to her family like he did… I was rooting for you, Micke, we were all rooting for you.

- I feel that August’s love for status and for the monarchy might be starting to fray at the edges. First with the fact that he was reminded of his own traumatizing initiation, and reminded of how the crown prince, his cousin and friend and idol, himself was part of that. Second with the fact that Simon points out that he might have an eating disorder, how he would probably not fare any better than the queen if he were in such a stressful position as crown prince or king, how difficult it is for him to handle stress and anxiety. And third with seeing how it affects Wille and Simon and realizing that something similar might still happen to him and Sara. And the fact that he reveals to Sara why he is the way he is, that he lets his guard down with her, might point to even more growth (even though I hate that Sara sort of gave him a “second chance” again). Also I feel the reality of how they, the Royal Court, would control his life is finally sinking in. Hopefully he will also soon realize that they also use him as a manipulation tool. So maybe he won’t let himself be manipulated by them much longer.

- I loved Wille’s ultimate outburst at his mother and father, i love that he told them everything they needed to hear, about their emotional abuse, their neglect. Unfortunately they still refused to acknowledge how terrible parents they have been, and walked off, instead of trying to resolve it. So Wille throwing around the gifts, as impulsive and tantrum-ish it might come across, makes perfect sense. He tries to talk and gets nothing in return. If he’s repressed it’s bad, but if he expresses himself then nothing happens either.

- And I love that Simon got to see what Wille is really dealing with. As privileged as he might be, he’s still lacking the most important things: unconditional support and love. No amount of money or status can make it better, and Wille is broken. The only thing is that, Simon saw how broken Wille was over the death of his brother, whom he loved very much, but I don’t think he quite grasps the gravity of Wille learning that maybe that beloved brother wouldn’t have been so cool with him, because he has never had to deal with a parent or sibling rejecting him for his sexuality. It’s something very different to be rejected by society at large than it is to be rejected by your own family, and not everyone has the emotional strength to deal with that. So for Wille’s parents to still like his potentially homophobic dead brother more than him, is heart-wrenching. But I don’t think Simon really gets that because he’s probably not surprised that Erik might have been like that, because in his eyes those privileged kids in that school (except obviously Wille, and Felice and Madison, who is asking about the non-binaries) are probably all massive homophobes.

- Despite this, I love that Simon sets boundaries nonetheless. I mean, it hurt like fucking hell for him to tell Wille, on his fucking birthday, that maybe they shouldn’t be together. But just because Wille is hurting doesn’t mean that Simon has not also been hurting too. And if they can’t comfort each other, and try to support each other when they both obviously most need it, then maybe they’re just not going to work. And it took a lot of guts for Simon to bring it up in that moment, in Wille’s bed, in the palace, where he’s basically trapped, with nowhere to go, no way to get away (I doubt he called Linda in the middle of the night to come pick him up more than two hours away in Stockholm).

My hopes for the final episode (I don’t think I have any predictions other than, open ending or not, Wilmon will be endgame and there will be a revolution, I just don’t know how):

- Wilmon talk. An actual, healthy, heartfelt talk. A reconciliation for the ages.

- That the fucking school will close and August won’t be able to graduate, and he’ll realize that maybe he shouldn’t have “lived for that school”, as Erik once put it.

- That Wille will realize that, if Erik was not the person he thought he was, then maybe he no longer has to live up to his legacy anymore. @foreverunraveling pointed out how, now that the big Erik revelation is confirmed, then maybe the queen’s trump card to manipulate Wille into being the ideal crown prince is gone. Wille doesn’t care about the monarchy really, but he did care about not disappointing his brother, the “perfect crown prince”, and now we know that he was far from perfect. Erik lived a double life, as Wille points out, there was “public Erik” or crown prince Erik, and there was “private Erik”, or the real Erik (or so Wille thought, now we know there was a “secret Erik” which was the real Erik) and Wille struggles so much with the idea of having to split himself in two, . Wille cannot live a double life, he withers away when he has to hide himself, and now he gets the opportunity to leave that stifling life behind, and blossom.

- That Simon will get a fucking break. I hate that his whole life was turned upside down from the moment the video was leaked, and it’s just never going to be the same, whether he stays with Wille or not, he’ll always be the boy from the crown prince sex tape, he’ll always be the crown prince’s ex, or the crown prince’s boyfriend. But I want some positive feedback for him, someone bigger than the woman and the little boy wanting a selfie. I want him to have his own fanclub or something. Maybe that’s too idealistic…? (I may be imagining something like that scene in Red White and Royal Blue, when they realize that there’s a whole crowd outside the palace all excited to the the Prince and his First son boyfriend… one can dream).

- I want whatever Felice said during the interview to be taken seriously, and for her to stop doubting herself.

- I want a genuine apology from August.

- Also one from Kristina.

- I get the feeling that the fact that August leaked the video might still come out publicly, what with the whole school issue. And in that case, I would like for it to be Simon might to do it, tossing the money from the settlement in his face. It looks like Simon still feels guilty about accepting it, especially when he chided Wille about his privilege and Wille (figuratively) threw the money back in his face. What if Simon does it literally?

- I really wanna know what’s going to happen between Felice and Sara now. The outlook is not good.

- Is it too much to ask to know what’s going on between Stella and Fredrika?

- Most importantly, is the whole thing with Erik going to come out eventually? And how will people react? With support for the monarchy, or with support for Wille?

I have so many more thoughts, but I’m slightly burnt out, and I really should take a break. Also this is way too long. Might have more thoughts once I’ve rewatched the first five episodes, calmly over the weekend…

Also this is very long and I’m sorry.

#young royals #young royals season 3 #yr season 3 #yr s3 spoilers #young royals season 3 spoilers #young royals thoughts #young royals analysis

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asgardian--angels · 2 months

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Talking on the phone with my mom I finally broke down and cried thoroughly about the cancellation. I think I'd been holding it in for the last two days, or two months. And honestly I've been wondering all along why this show means so much to me. I am not queer, I am not neurodivergent, I am not POC or disabled or any of the groups that this show has been so important for in terms of representation and being treated with respect and dignity. I understand and completely empathize with all of you, and fight for this show and your rights worldwide alongside you, but it still left me wondering why I myself have latched onto Our Flag Means Death. I suppose part of it is that despite being white and cishet and the privileges that have always come with that, I have been treated like an outsider and ostracized my entire childhood and teenage years, for being ugly and having "disgusting" interests (primarily liking insects, reptiles, other creepy-crawlies - aka the thing I literally do for my career now). I was bullied relentlessly from preschool through early college and became a very lonely introverted person - I still am. Undoubtedly Our Flag Means Death gave me renewed hope that I haven't missed some key window for finding love or relationships of any kind that matter, as I sit here typing this at age 28 having never dated anyone.

But it had to be more than that. And with everything that's happened the past couple of months, and the last few days, I think it finally clicked for me.

Followers of my blog may or may not know that I am a conservation biologist, or pollinator ecologist, whichever hat fits best on a given day, they're quite close. I don't make many original posts like this anymore on here because my job is so busy. Basically, I do a variety of things - academic research, habitat management & restoration, and public outreach - to try and preserve biodiversity and ecosystems on our planet. I'm just going to say it: it's a thankless job. Nothing we do ever feels like it's enough, and burnout is common in our field because we sit with the guilt of feeling like we are the only thing between survival and utter destruction of planet Earth, and work ourselves to exhaustion. It's one of those jobs where your work is your life, and your passion is your work, and it's inseparable from who you are on a molecular level. We are often faced, on a large scale, with hostility, from people that don't believe in science and are more than happy to pull a shotgun on us, or rich old men in power who are content to watch the world burn for another penny in their bank account. There are days when sometimes it sinks in just how bad things are, and it's terrifying, and I feel like we will never be able to do enough, to change enough, before it gets catastrophic. It's paralyzing.

My ability to do my job is dependent on hope. Unwavering, unrelenting hope. Hope beyond hope. We have to believe what we're doing matters, otherwise we'd fall down and never get back up again. I'm no big-shot, I give talks to a few hundred people at a time, and make urban pollinator habitat on a local scale. Is any of that going to make a difference compared to the ramifications of a single oil mogul deciding to cut corners and cause an oil spill that kills millions of seabirds and damages ocean food chains for decades to come? If people in my field let thoughts like that linger, we'd be paralyzed to inaction. I have to hope that the people I teach choose to do something good with that knowledge, and go on to inspire others, or that the patch of habitat I make allows a declining species to maintain a foothold instead of going locally extinct. You just have to keep going.

And Our Flag Means Death got wrapped up in that for me. The Stede Bonnet effect, if you will. He set out to do pirating differently, treating his crew with respect and helping them grow. In return, they internalized that mindset, and it spread to how they interacted with others. It changed the trajectory of individual lives, and also at least began to change how the society of pirates operated as a whole. It was a beacon of hope that choosing small acts of kindness did matter, even if you yourself could not see the ripples it made. It renewed my faith that love persevered and would win. That we could all make life a little better for each other and ourselves through kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and mutual support. I think a good chunk of that is from Taika - these are running themes in his projects, and his films move me deeply for that. This show became in some, perhaps subconscious way, a source of strength for me to keep putting myself out there in my line of work to do whatever I was capable of to help the cause.

The cancellation was devastating, but the second cancellation (turbohell cancelation?) was even more so. Because now it's so clear that this is largely the work of David Zaslav and the regime he's built. It's petty, it's greedy, and more than anything, it's cruel. Indifferently, indiscriminately cruel, when one person at the top can have such power to make or break the lives of thousands, millions, beneath them, and though it would have been barely a drop in the bucket, a hand wave, to renew our show or let it pass to another streamer, he actively chose to shackle it to this sinking Titanic of a company WBD has become. I have always operated on the belief that you can do anything if you work hard enough at it, and believed deep down that there was some order, some justice in the universe, atheist though I be. We as a fandom did everything we possibly could, we loved this show harder than anything. The numbers were there, the awards nominations were there, the critic praise was there, and we were loud and loyal every single day. I felt like we could do this - how could we not win when we've done so much, and the show deserves it so much? Surely cause and effect will prevail.

This fight seemed small, though really it wasn't; we fought for the right of artists and creators to make quality, original stories and have them told to their natural end, we fought for diversity representation to be more than a token character - OFMD raised the bar so much higher on all fronts, we fought to shed light on the chaos and impending collapse of this industry silencing art and exploiting writers, actors, and all manner of production workers. It was a small fight from the outside, one that I really felt we could win. And I put my heart and soul into it, because if we could win this, if we could save this simple, kind love story about two guys on a boat, then maybe there was hope for the bigger, badder stuff too. It shouldn't seem an insurmountable task for several thousand fans to convince a streaming service that they'd turn a tidy profit to give our show one more season.

Yet we lost - through no fault of our own. I am so proud of us. But that really struck deep for me. If one peabrained CEO of a media company wouldn't budge on greenlighting a show that was in his every best interest business-wise - perhaps enough to even save Max from going under in the not-too-distant future - my god, what hope was there for changing anything bigger? The 'real' problems of the world? When no amount of ethos, logos, or pathos can penetrate these men at the top, where's that hope to fight? Lately the world seems like it's just going belly up all over. If we gave everything we could, and it still wasn't enough - if it could never be enough - what hope is there? It's like chaining yourself to a tree and the bulldozer plowing right on ahead. And I think that broke something in me. It shook me to my foundations because it broke my rules of how things are supposed to work. We believed hard enough, we worked tirelessly, and we deserved it for how important this show was to so many people. And it didn't matter. Our best wasn't enough. And that caused an avalanche of all of the horrible, scary things piled on my shoulders - we're losing the Amazon rainforest too fast to save, climate change is going to turn the corn belt into a dustbowl by mid-century, a border wall is going to devastate imperiled wildlife in Texas, deforestation and hurricanes on songbird wintering grounds could lead to entire species extinctions, saltmarshes are our lifeline and they're shrinking and we're still building stupid concrete stormwalls, invasive diseases will completely alter the composition of our forests to be unrecognizable to our children, and if you don't make every slide of this powerpoint utterly perfect and you fail to convince every single person in attendance to get rid of their lawn then you've failed and the world is doomed.

I've struggled with being a perfectionist my whole life. This didn't help.

That's where I was a couple hours ago. But I took some deep breaths. I know the world isn't fair. But I really thought if we could win this one battle, then we could win the war.

But here's what I realized. Everything we did mattered. It mattered so much. Because there's the show, and then there's everything that was birthed out of that show. The community, so many of us around the world who have been uplifted by Our Flag Means Death in a real and lasting way that we will take with us and spread to affect those around us. The Stede Bonnet effect goes global. We raised thousands and thousands of dollars for charities around the world, real people whose lives have been improved, or maybe even saved, because of us and this silly pirate show. We brought a hell of a lot of attention to WBD and their shitty practices, keeping the momentum going in a way that I think is only going to build - and I sure hope it leads to Zaslav getting deposed. We have demanded more queer stories, more BIPOC stories, more disabled and autistic and middle-aged stories, stories with exquisite costumes and award-worthy wigs, dear lord, and we are being heard. We have expressed such love and support for the cast and crew, showing them that we appreciate their hard work and that we will be behind them in their future projects. So many of them have told us how the show and its fans have changed their lives. We convinced Rhys that his career isn't winding down but winding up, and to be unapologetic about his wonderful weirdness - we've proven to everyone through this show that your weirdness is what someone out there is going to love you for, not in spite of. We rallied to help writers and actors during the strikes in a way that was taken to heart and remembered. We have been out here talking it through as a crew, and turning poison into positivity, for over two years now, and that impact is permanent. They can cancel our show, they can try and slap copyright notices on our fan merch, and spew bullshit excuses about the numbers not being there. But Our Flag Means Death sparked a movement, the biggest pirate crew the world has ever seen, using our power for good.

We may not have any more new material for our show for a while, or ever. But I maintain hope that when the dust has settled and streaming has entered its 'new era' that they'll remember us and throw us a lifeline. Because hope is a part of my genetic makeup, and even in cancellation my hope has been renewed that the fight is worth fighting, that our individual choices of kindness are having an effect, and making the world a little easier to live in bit by bit. No one can take from us what we have built out of this show. And thanks to pirating, they can't take the actual show from us either. Despite this, no matter the outcome, I am so happy we got two seasons of this wonderful series. That was more than almost anyone expected. The story belongs to all of us, and it will always live on. We did not truly lose this battle, because in the process we gained more than we could have ever imagined. And I know there's still so much more to come. That gives me the strength to keep doing what I do, every day.

To me, Our Flag Means Hope.

#our flag means death #ofmd #this is a very long post but I need to write it for me #seeing the outpouring of love on twitter today has really been so needed #also realizing after i finish this that my blog name is literally 'There is always hope'#so i mean. this really has been my brand since i started here #personal

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sannirio · 8 months

Text

safe and sound [pt 3.]

pt. 1 pt. 2

wc: 2820

dom san x amab sub reader

18+ MINORS DNI 「im serious」

cw - non!idol au, werewolf san, heavy size kink, tummy bulge, dumbification, creampie, subspace, deep subspace, severe overstimulation, praise, degradation, san turning.

A/N: sorry this took so long ;( burnout was bad this week. i hope you like it though!

san had you on his lap facing towards him. sitting on the “bed,” your head was laying on his shoulder as he laid waste to your neck. hickeys and bite marks plastered your pretty neck. each time he left a mark a whimper escaped your lips, the sound was like a drug to him. you could feel him growing underneath you, his cock was bigger than you thought one could ever be. it was pushing past your ass basically half way down his leg. “nervous?” he growled into your neck before biting it once again, sending a shock down your spine. you nodded into his collar. was it even possible to fit that inside of you? either way you were going to try. “we’ll start slowly,” he whispered. his hands moved down to your hips, squeezing them slightly. “you’re going to grind yourself against me ok.” “first, i’m going to take these off.” san reached down and tugged at your pants. you lifted yourself up slightly, allowing him the space to pull your pants down past your knees and off your legs exposing your dick to him. he looked down at your cock smirking in the process. “aww you’re already so hard for me puppy.” you felt yourself get bright red. you tried to hide your face but san caught your chin in his fingers before you could turn away. “don’t get shy on me now hun, you’re going to show me how pretty you look while i’m inside of you.”

once again he placed his hands on your hips, slowly pulling you forwards. you felt your dick slowly push up against his abs, his shirt making it sensitive. you shivered as the fabric brushed the tip of your cock. san snickered under his breath. he continued to force your hips forwards and backwards, making your cock ache. you wanted to cum right there but before you could reach your high he stopped your movement. san took off his shirt, revealing his perfect body. wide shoulders, chiseled abs and massive arms. he was gorgeous… and huge. san placed you down and stood up, his hard on was extremely evident in his pants, it looked so heavy. he pulled his pants down slowly, revealing the monster that they were holding back. it was bigger than you thought, it was massive. it looked like it went past your elbow. if you had to guess it was around 33 cm, that was your best guess. “like what you see puppy?” all you could do was stare at his cock, “i’m going to assume yes” he smirked. “do you want a taste hun?” finally you looked up at him, red staining your cheeks. “yes sir” left your mouth before you could even think about what you wanted to say. “good boy” san whispered.

you were now kneeling on the “bed” slightly below sans cock, which was staring straight at you. “go on, let’s see how pretty you look with my dick down your throat” you placed a hand on the shaft of his cock while slowly licking the tip. san groaned, running his large hand through your hair. he tasted so good, he was already leaking into your mouth. you licked your lips before attempting to put him in your mouth. his tip filled you up completely. “holy fuck… how am i supposed to get this thing down my throat?” “good boy” san cooed, his words laced with lust and love. “c’mon you can go farther than that.” you pushed yourself a little bit farther down his length, 4 or 5 cm. you felt the head hit the back of your throat which made your eyes water slightly. “ awwww good puppy.” sans eyes were on fire, it looked like he wanted to devour you. again you pushed further, another 5 or so cm making you choke a bit. you were crying now, “how though?” you thought, you weren’t even half way down? you pulled off of him, gasping for air when he was all the way out. “good job!” san said smiling, “let’s see you go farther next time.” “again?” how could you go farther? he was so big, but you wanted to be good for him, you wanted to make him proud.

you took sans cock into your mouth again, sliding down to where you had been a few moments ago with a lot more ease. “see puppy, you just need practice!” the sensation mixed with sans praise was intoxicating. it was honestly making you feel fuzzy, you’d never been a space like this before, but it felt so good. once you got fully comfortable you moved down his length a bit more, it was easier this time. half way! you made it half way! you looked up at san to see his head thrown back, small gasps where escaping his lips. you were making him feel good. here was as far as you could go, comfortably that is, so you started moving. your mouth traveled up and down his length. a groan escaped him making you shutter. this sensation was so weird. you felt so small compared to him and yet you were kneeling here, him half way down your sore throat watching this man fall apart in front of you. “you’re doing so good puppy, making daddy feel like this.” you heard him growl. oh god, goosebumps washed over your torso. your mind was reeling, all you could think about now was his dick and being good for him. at this moment, that’s all you were meant for. san clasped one of his strong hands under your jaw simultaneously pulling his dick out of your throat. “good boy” he whispered “but it’s my turn to make my little baby feel good.”

san climbed up onto the “bed” positioning himself in front of you. he then pushed you onto your back. he was over top of you now, the motion of him pushing you backwards pulled your shirt up exposing your soft stomach to him. his cock was laying on it, still slightly covered in your saliva. one of his hands was up beside your head, the other was lazily tracing down your side making you shiver. san was mumbling under his breath, you heard him say “so beautiful~” he once again kissed your neck, leaving beautiful marks all over. when you were sufficiently marked up san moved his lips down to your chest then down to your stomach. his lips felt like a pillow brushing against you. then he got down to your hips, his hands were placed firmly on both sides. you took a deep breath as he took you in his mouth. this made you whimper loudly firing your hands down to try and cover yourself. san didn’t let you though, like he said, he wanted to make you feel good. your small hands wove through sans hair, desperate to hold onto something as your body began to fill up with the electric feeling. he’s moving slowly, on purpose, his mouth felt so good but you knew he wouldn’t let you cum any time soon. your arms moved upwards, the ability to do anything right now was gone. san was moving up and down, giving as much lazy attention as he could to your dick. you subconsciously thrust into him, a small moan escaping you, and a snicker from san. the embarrassment was overwhelming. you covered your face with your hands, san reached up and forced them off your face. “please,” you whispered, blotchy red patches plastering your cheeks. san raised his head letting you fall out of his mouth. “no hiding hun, you want to be good don’t you?” you nodded, you felt light headed, san praising you made you drunk.”

sans hands once again grasped your hips, using maybe 1% of his strength he rolled you onto your stomach. when the movement stopped you grabbed the pillow that was once under your head and pulled it close to you for support. two large hands groped your butt, spreading your cheeks apart. before you could say anything, san was eating you out. his tongue was doing circles around your hole. you had no idea this could feel so good. light moans escaped you, each time his tongue made a movement it sent shivers up your spine. san was enjoying himself way too much. he couldn’t help but smile every time one of those angelic whimpers left your lips. he lifted away from you, his mind reeling from how pretty you were right now. you felt a large finger touch you gently, circling around slowly in anticipation. “you need to get ready hun, im going to help you ok~” his pointer finger entered you, pushing slowly deeper into you until he was down to the knuckles. “good boy~ you’re doing so good.” san started moving his finger in and out of you making sure you adjusted to him. “now 2.” you felt a second finger enter you making you yelp. it hurt a little but more than anything it felt amazing. his fingers left your lower half feeling limp. “ok 3 now puppy” his third finger forced its way inside. how were you already feeling so full and he was just using his fingers? san made sure you were feeling good, his beautiful prince losing his mind and he wasn’t even done with you yet.

san pulled his fingers out of you leaving you feeling empty. “do you want me to fuck you puppy?” his voice licked your ears, the lust that danced around each syllable was suffocating. “yes sir” you stuttered, that wasn’t enough though “sorry i didn’t hear you can you please speak up?” “yes sir!” you needed him in you now. “relax my prince ill go slow ok~” you felt the tip of sans cock touch your hole lightly, then it moved forwards up to your back, he was teasing you. “please put it in sir” desperation filled your mind. you felt the tip of sans cock touch your hole again, for a split second he left it there then pushed himself inside. you felt yourself stretch open, his tip taking up every millimeter of you, already? “good boy” san whispered sending shivers down your spine. he pushed a bit more making you gasp. how can someone be so huge. you turned to look too see if maybe you could figure out how much of him he’s pushed inside. barely anything?! your head started reeling, how were you going to be able to take all of that? it was setting in now just how massive san was. pushed more of his cock into you, until he was about half way down. “see, good boy, you’re taking me so well. were almost there you can do it.” the pillow you were holding onto was your only source of support, the fullness you were feeling combined with sans cock brushing against your g-spot had you lulled into a trance of sorts. the amount of pleasure your were already feeling. perfection. san pushed the final few cm in forcing you to whimper, “fuck~ you’re so tight.” he growled. san felt so good, it was almost as if you were made for him, for him to fuck, to claim. he started moving slowly, each stroke creating a bump in you stomach that tickled when it brushed against the “bed.” angels danced around in your head, it was like you were floating. every thrust sent you deeper into the angelic trance you were in. san picked up his pace, his hips hitting your ass more and more. he was building speed, he was going to use you how he wanted too.

sans breathing was staggered, the way you pulled him in was intoxicating, he knew he was making you feel good. he again picked the pace up, he was fucking you so fast turing your soft whimpers in to moans and yelps. this feeling of possession was getting overwhelming, it was primal. a spark ran through sans nervous system, he was turning, and fast. the staggered breathing quickened as he felt the fur grow from his arms. he was trying to resist the transformation as best he could, but what was the point? the urge to claim you, make you his was too strong, overwhelming.

you could feel sans changing form as he fucked you, it scared you a bit of course, the fear was exhilarating though. “faster” you moaned through shallow gasps. san obliged. his cock stretched you open, the way he fucked you was amazing. you felt two large fur covered hands pick you up and pull you towards his chest. as your back came into contact with his body, he held your arms to either side of you keeping himself deep inside of you. looking down you saw the bulge his cock created. the sight of it added to the numbness you felt in your sub spaced brain. again sans paced quickened, any mercy he had was gone. the pace san had assumed was building your edge, you didn’t know how much longer you could keep it in. the speed at which he fucked you was intense, every stroke hit your g-spot forcing you to leak rivers. the “bed” was soaked with both of you combined, your cock leaking everywhere and the pre cum that was filling you up pouring out of your ass. san started to lick your neck and shoulders, you're a sticky brain dead mess. his tongue was just as relentless as his thrusts were, every inch of your neck and shoulders weren’t left untouched.

the pressure building on your g-spot was getting to a boiling point, even as you came sans pace didn’t slow, he was in so deep. the overstimulation san was forcing on your g-spot was getting to be too much, but he didn’t stop. you were shaking, the bliss and pleasure building up after you came was like a flame, every part of your body was on fire. cum was still dripping out of you like a waterfall. a low snarl graced your ear, as you fell limp onto san. you couldn’t move, all you could do was whimper, tears now running down your face. the overstimulation you were going through could leave even the strongest soldier weak. it felt so good but bad at the same time, like hot wax running down your back.

an eruption was building in san. “you filthy whore, you’re gonna take all of it. your pathetic little body's mine, MINE.” though you couldn’t respond sans statements added to your messy mind. one last rough stroke and san released his kids inside you, as deep as he could manage. the amount of cum he relinquished filled you up to the brim, forcing the already large tummy bulge to grow even larger. you not only felt full but looked it too. sharp moans pierced the air as san pumped every last drop of cum he could into your tummy, finally marking you as his. still sensitive, san pulled out of you, finally letting the metaphorical gallons of cum to pour out. he continued to hold onto as he did so turning back to his human form. he continued to hold you close as you came back from your overstimulation high, rocking you back and forth in his arms. as you re-entered your normal state, a strong hand brushed away the hair that plastered your forehead and eye area. breathing heavily you looked up to see a very human-looking san smiling over you. “you were so good babe.” he gave you a kiss and proceeded to grab a clean part of the blanket you two were on to wipe you clean. “you enjoyed yourself, didn't you?” san said softly as he worked away at your pre cum covered face with the blanket. a little dazed, you nodded, holding his gaze. “good hun, are you hurt at all?” again you nodded, a soreness was now spreading down your legs from your ass, that had been obviously masked by your orgasm. “it’s ok baby, let’s go clean up and i’ll take care of you. how does that sound?” “good” you whispered letting your head fall onto his shoulder as he picked you up, cum still spilling out of you. after a nice shower of fire-heated water, the two of you were back at the entrance of the cave. you wrapped in a fresh blanket on sans lap and him sitting there shirtless with a fresh pair of sweatpants on. “i’ve said it a million times already but you did so good for me puppy, you looked so pretty.” even though you had heard san say this a hundred times since you two finished, it still made you giddy. he pet your hair and gave you a kiss on your head.

you’d never felt more safe in your life.

sannirio©

#ateez smut #ateez smutt fic #choi san #choi san x reader #san smut #san #san x amab reader #san x male reader #san x reader

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mtkay13 · 2 months

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The peach blossoms are blooming

Lol @the fancy title, haha. Yesterday I promised "two hoboxu's today!" but I'm an inconsistant liar so the second is today and not yesterday, HAH.

Anyway, another painting of my very beloved; more about this piece below!

So aside of the obvious joke, what I really wanted to work on and represent on this picture is, as the title makes it clearer, grief, and what it looks like for ZZS.

The idea came from imagining ZZS setting off, happy with his disguise, and passing by a peach tree orchards and seeing all the peach blossoms blooming, and what it would entail.

...So let's talk about what TYK is about again, shall we?

(usual caveat: those are my thoughts and interpretations etc etc)

Little is known of the four years that separate the end of QY and the beginning of TYK. Even less is obviously stated when it comes to the reasons why ZZS has put in the nails, besides the obvious "requirement to leave Tian Chuang" part.

So, trying to leave all headcanons and other suppositions aside, and looking at what the text gives us, one of the main "storylines" of ZZS' personal journey across both books seems to be: dealing with the loss of LJX, first of their relationship, and later, of LJX entirely.

>I'm going to boldly announce that (I think) TYK is in great parts a story about getting over grief, or rather, properly living with grief.

Needless to say that it is clear that ZZS has a bunch of issues he's dealing with, including "the void after meeting your goals; what's next?" and some form of burnout from completely over-exerting himself and going way beyond what he thought he could sustain mentally; but also. Four years after he lost LJX, ZZS is still deeply grieving. Still seeing him in crowds, still thinking about him frequently, still hallucinating him, dreaming of him. He couldn't resist taking in ZCL because ZCL reminded him of LJX. Nearly every single thought of his own past ends up rooting back to LJX.

The first time he mentions LJX's name out loud in TYK, chapter 41, is the first time he mentions it at all in four years, and to quote the text:

Speaking out his name hadn't been that big of a deal, in the end; it had only felt like something had been pulled out of his chest—like he was now missing a piece, like it left behind an empty void.

(TYK ch41, TL by me)

The next scene is when it hits ZZS that he's going to die; from that moment on, ZZS starts feeling stupid, ZZS slowly starts wanting to find a solution, influenced by WKX... and the story culminates with ZZS making the opposite decision that he made in QY: instead of risking never seeing WKX alive again, and against WKX's decision, he goes to meet him, unlike LJX whom he was too scared to go meet, and lost forever without even saying goodbye.

>I think that ZZS essentially took the nails because he couldn't manage to live with that grief, basically. (I know, I KNOW there are other reasons, but for the sake of analyzing this theme, I find interesting to look at it from this angle; how the narrative shifts towards ZZS putting in the efforts to stay alive at the exact same times he starts letting go of LJX literally.) And then, as he learns, as he rediscovers life differently, the story becomes about getting free from the nails, about actially living with that grief rather than dying because of it.

*coughs* so, hum, yes. This is what I wanted to represent. What grief looks like, at this stage of melancholic, happy, self-deprecating acceptance of freedom through death—freedom of the burden of grief and guilt. It's a bittersweet feeling, but the way I see it, he smiles out of what he thinks is inner peace, resignation, and once again, self-deprecation.

I would go even deeper, in that ZZS' relationship to death with regards to LJX is quite complex and difficult, given how he was told by LJX himself that he ought to die for what he's done (or misunderstood LJX saying so), but that's a whole other can of worms and I don't have the brain juice to go there again (since it wouldn't even be the first time iirc). SO YEAH, again, grief, but ZZS style: turned into a bit of a melancholic, silly, but gentle joke, and with a smile on the face. On brand with TYK as well.

Cheers!

#tian ya ke #zhou zishu #liang jiuxiao #tyk #zzs #meta #qi ye

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footiehoemcfc · 7 months

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Bad day means pottery date

Surpriseeee!

Hi guys :) I have not written a fic in a while because I'm always busy or I just can't get myself to do it. Howeverrr, SOMEONE, and by someone I mean Soph (@masonmount07) encouraged me to write again. She has been sharing teasers for her fics which are AMAZING and you should deff read the ones she has posted!! That being said I won't commit myself to dates or requests because I don't know how often I will be writing fics. At the moment I have different ideas I want to write but it takes time so bare with me. Anywayss I hope you enjoy it! :) TW: none, 3.9k words, Fluffy

These were the types of days you hated. Feeling like shit, feeling tired, feeling like you could be doing something better with your life. Work had been awful, you were feeling very insecure about yourself for multiple reasons, you had burnout and you were just tired of it. Projects for work kept piling up every single day and it made you want to rip your hair out. You didn’t particularly love your job, but you needed it otherwise…well you would have absolutely no money.

Your insecurities have always haunted you, however the last couple of years you had worked through them and started accepting your body and everything about yourself because you figured you only have one body, might as well take good care of it and be happy. The problem starts when you start comparing yourself to other women.

Last weekend Mason had invited you to go see a game of his. You were not dating, but he had asked you out on dates, 4 times by that point. On those dates he got to know you loved football, so he thought it would be great to have you there so you could enjoy the atmosphere and support him. You gladly accepted, you really liked Mason and you loved going to stadiums. You and Mason had never kissed or anything further than that. You had exchange loving glances, kisses on the cheek and held hands during dinner but not much more than that. He never really attempted to as well which made you feel like maybe he just wasn’t that into you. That kind of started your insecurities. However when you went to the game, it hit you. Why the hell would he be into you? Look at these girls in his box. They look absolutely perfect. They were basically Instagram models of course they looked perfect. You felt very out of place.

Ever since that game you felt mehh about yourself. Mason said hi to you after the game, however you didn’t have a chance to talk to him that much since all of his friends were there and wanted to talk to him. You had been texting for a week now and had planned getting dinner tonight, but in all honestly you were not really feeling it.

Once you stepped into your apartment, you felt relief. You were home, you could relax and you could have peace of mind. That did not last long though. Not even 5 minutes in, your boss had texted you to come in earlier tomorrow since some of the staff had quit unexpectedly today and they needed backup. That was your last straw. You stared at the message and your vision started getting blurry. Your tears started falling and they didn’t stop. You wanted a break from it and from everything. You threw your phone into the living room sofa, went upstairs and just threw yourself to bed. All the emotions you had came out. You felt dumb for crying so much over a job and over yourself, but you needed it. The crying gave you a headache which resulted in you falling asleep.

You woke up to the sound of your phone ringing downstairs. You got up from your bed and quickly went downstairs to answer.

Without glancing at the name you answered, “Hello?”. “Hey you! I’ve been texting you since this morning.” You froze. It was Mason. You looked at yourself in the mirror behind the sofa, your eyes puffy, your hair all over the place. “Oh yea sorry I was really busy at work today I didn’t even get a chance to check my phone.” “That’s alright love, what time should I pick you up?” Shit. The dinner. Do you lie and tell him in an hour, try to get yourself ready and look at least presentable with a stuffy nose and try and get through the whole dinner without crying, or do you just tell him the truth and cancel on him? “Oh yea um listen…” Fuck. Think. “I just had a really bad day, I feel awful doing this to you but I just don’t think I can today.” You closed your eyes hoping for the best. “Oh no, what happened?” His voice was filled with concern which made you feel butterflies in your stomach. “Nothing for you to worry about I promise, just a bunch of workload and um…” your voice cracked. You couldn’t even tell him about your shitty day without crying how were you meant to get through a whole dinner with him. “Yea it’s just a bunch of stuff” you covered your mouth and closed your eyes to stop yourself from crying. “Aw babe, are you okay? I feel awful for you.” He did feel bad for you. You had mentioned to him before how your job was not the best but he didn’t think it was this bad. “Yea” you sniffed and paused for a second to compose yourself, “yea I’m okay don’t worry” you sniffed again and just wanted to hang up because you knew if he started talking to you and try to make you feel better you would just crumble. “I’m really sorry you're having a bad day today, I wish I could help you somehow”, “It’s okay Mase don’t worry, I’m really sorry for canceling so last minute”. You did really feel bad, you were never the type of person to cancel on someone no matter what was going on but today had been just a little too much. “No love, don’t worry. We can see each other another day. Get some rest yea? If you need anything you know I’m here, always” You smiled. These types of comments he made can make you feel so giddy, but then you remember you haven’t even kissed each other and it just goes away. “Thanks Mase. I’ll text you.” “Of course, goodnight love.” “Night Mase.” And with that you hung up.

After that call you ordered take out, watched a movie, took a bath and went straight to bed. Your body was exhausted and you had to get in early tomorrow to cover for other people. You were not looking forward to it at all. You wanted to stay in the whole day and not do anything.

6 am, and your alarm rang causing you to jump from your deep sleep. How did you sleep 8 hours yet you felt like you only slept 1? The thought of going to work made you nauseous. You knew this was not normal. After much thought, you decided to say fuck it and call in sick. Your brain felt like it was fried and your body felt like it was giving up on life.

After texting your boss you were sick, you didn’t even wait for a response, you went back to bed. You had no energy to give explanations. After sleeping for 3 more hours, you woke up at 9:30 am. You wanted to relax but you also felt like you needed to at least go out for a walk and get fresh air. As tired as you were, you wanted to get some movement going. Lately looking at yourself in the mirror made you feel uneasy. You had bag under your eyes, you felt like your body felt like jelly since you have no time to work out or even take walks. You were not feeling yourself at all. Seeing all those girls in the stadium box made you look hard enough in the mirror to find more stupid insecurities you didn’t even know you had. So, to try and feel a bit productive, you took a shower, put on some yoga pants, a hoodie and decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. Did it make you feel better? Nope, but it did help a little.

You spent the day reading, talking to your only friend in the office and cooking yourself breakfast, lunch and a snack. Your friend was concerned about you so she suggested you file a complaint to HR for the overload of work you had to do. It wasn’t a bad idea at all and you did it. The whole day Mason hadn’t texted you which felt weird. You would text him when he was free from training but no message came in. Maybe it was because you canceled on him? Maybe he finally realized he is wasting his time with you? Who knows but overthinking made you feel upset. You liked him a lot. Did he like you a lot too, as a friend? As a potential girlfriend? You didn’t know but you still wanted to find out.

It was 5 pm and no text from him came through. You were debating whether to bite the bullet or not and just text him yourself but you didn’t want to seem desperate. You started typing on his chat, “Hi Mase” adding a little heart. Press send you idiot, you thought to yourself. “Sent.” You put your phone down and walked away from it like it was a bomb that was going to explode. You idiot, you idiot, you thought. You decided to start cutting up some veggies to start dinner to try and distract yourself. Nerves started settling in. Maybe you should delete the text message if he hasn’t seen it.

You got a little lost in cutting up the veggies that when your phone rang it made you jump. “Jesus Christ” you muttered to yourself. The caller ID “Mase” appeared on your screen. You got nerves all over again. How can a man make you this nervous. “Hi Mase” you answered, trying not to sound terrified. “Hi love, how are you?” he sounded really chirpy which settled your nerves. “I’m better than yesterday, what about you?” “Oh great I’m glad you feel better because I’m picking you up in 30 minutes.” What? Picking you up? You don’t remember agreeing to seeing him yesterday before hanging up. “Umm what?” he laughed at your confused state. “I felt awful about not being able to help you out yesterday so I thought we could do something fun today instead of dressing up fancy and get a fancy dinner. Are you up for it?” You were smiling from ear to ear. He went out of his way to make you feel better and here you were debating or not if you were an idiot for just texting Hi to him. “Really?” you knew he could tell you were smiling and excited. “Yes really” he said chuckling. “So, wear something you don’t mind getting dirty, and I’ll be there in about 30 minutes yea?” “Okay, um but wait what are we doing exactly?” “It’s a surprise.” “A surprise?” “Yes a surprise, so get ready, don’t ask anymore questions and we’ll have fun.” You laughed at his comment. “Okay then I’ll be ready”.

Wear something you don’t mind getting dirty. What the hell were you doing with him today? Maybe a painting class? A cooking class? Will you go to those rage rooms to break stuff? Honestly you had no idea but it was exciting. You dressed up in some old but cute jeans you didn’t mind getting dirty and a tank top with just a simple jacket. You put on a little bit of makeup and you were ready to go. Mason arrived exactly 30 minutes after to pick you up. Once he pulled up, he rolled down his window and watched you close and lock your door. “Fucking hell you still look beautiful with old clothes” he said making you blush and roll your eyes. “Listen, I still tried to look good.” You opened the door and got in his car. He leaned in and kissed your cheek, “You always look good love.” You blushed yet again at his comment. “Stop it.” You said laughing, and soon enough he started driving you to your surprise date.

“Are you still not giving me any clues Sir?” you asked once you stopped in a red light. He turned to you, “No Ma'am, no clues, I told you it’s a surprise.” You smiled at his comment and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you Mason.” You were grateful he was doing all of this to try and make you feel better. “No problem.” You kept looking into each other’s eyes and were leaning in to kiss. You wanted to kiss him more than anything and you felt you were about to, until the car behind you honked to indicate to you the light was green. You both lightly jumped and laughed.

Once he parked the car you were still confused. The place did not look familiar and there was no sign of what the pace could possible be. “Okay then, follow me.” He took your hand and tangled his fingers with yours, leading you to a blue door. He opened the door for you and once inside you realized were you were. “Oh my god, are we doing pottery?” he laughed at your excitement. “Yes, we are doing pottery.” “Oh my god Mason! I’ve always wanted to try and do it!” “I know you did, you told me on our first date” he said smiling at you. Your heart melted completely at the fact that he remembered. You couldn’t help it and just hugged him, burying your face in his neck. “Thank you so much” you said, so only he could hear since your whole face was smushed in his neck from how tight you were both holding each other. “You're welcome my love.” Again, melting your heart.

You both got seated in your places, the machine in front of you and a bucket of water beside you. Once your instructor showed you how it was done and gave you tips, both you and Mason got to work. “Okay so what if we do mugs and we keep each other’s mugs” Mason suggested. “Oooh okay that is a good idea, make it pretty please I’ll be drinking tea out of it every day.” Mason laughed at your comment and both of you started getting the clay ready.

It got way messier than you thought it would. While trying to get the shape of the mug right, and talking to each other at the same time, Mason’s spinning machine started going way too fast causing the clay to almost fly out and causing both of you to laugh so hard your belly started to hurt. It was becoming the most fun date you have ever been to and your favorite. You loved how easy it was to have fun with him and to see him let his guard down with you. Mason on the other hand, loved seeing you happy, feeling better and making you laugh.

Since it was the first time attempting to make a mug out of clay, they didn’t turn out great. “Look at your mug!” Mason said pointing at your deformed mug and laughing really hard causing you to laugh as well. “Oh my God you are so rude, look at YOUR mug.” His mug was worse, it was wonky and it was barely standing. Both of you red on the face from laughing so much. “We are not going to be able to drink from this, look at them.” Mason said, causing you to laugh again. You looked over at the shelves and saw different mugs, cartoons, plants and much more already made just missing color. “Okay how about, we grab one of those mugs, paint them for each other, it’s way easier.” You suggested, making Mason agree. “Yea okay, that’s a better idea.”

Both of you grabbed two identical looking mugs, and the staff gave you different brushes and colors to paint the mugs. Both of you got concentrated in painting the mug, once you were done you didn’t even realize you had been at the place for 3 hours already.

“Okay I’m done.” Mason said, showing you his mug. It was blue and red with spider webs. ��Of course it’s a spiderman mug” you said, chuckling and rolling your eyes. “Don’t judge me, I’m a kid at heart, let me see yours.” You grabbed your mug by the handle trying not to get paint on your hand. “Tadaa '' you said, lifting up the mug. It was light blue and light green. “Oh wow, it looks really cool.” Mason said admiring it. “Well thank you, it’s for you.” Mason smiled and grabbed the mug. In exchange he gave you his mug, you laughed once you realized you were going to be drinking tea everyday out of a spiderman mug.

Once the paint was dry, the staff packed your mugs into a box and handed it to both of you. You said your thank yous to everyone and went outside. “Okay before we go anywhere else, I had something for you so close your eyes.” You were surprised, but obeyed and closed your eyes. You heard Mason open his car door and the close it. “Okay open up.” You opened your eyes and saw the most beautiful bouquet of roses. You gasped and looked at Mason who was already blushing and smiling at you. “Oh my God! Mase these are so beautiful! Thank you so much!” You said grabbing the roses. “You're very welcome.” Mason was still smiling at your reaction. “Mase seriously this are so pretty you didn’t have too.” You pulled him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his face into your neck. “I know, but I wanted to. I wanted you to have a great day.” You were about to tear up but you didn’t want him to see you cry. You swallowed the lump in your throat and pulled away to look at him. Both of you looked into each other's eyes and had the urge to kiss each other. You have wanted nothing more than to kiss him since the first date. He didn’t hesitate this time and kissed you lovingly. It was the best kiss you’ve ever experience in your life. This made your feelings for Mason much more stronger and hoped he felt exactly the same way for you. He brushed his tongue over your lip and kept kissing you. You didn’t want it to end but both of you had to breathe. Once you stopped kissing, you rested your forehead against his and just smiled. “This was the best date Mase.” You whispered. “I’m glad you liked it love.” He gave you one last peck and opened the door for you to get in the car. He started driving again, this time his hand on your thighs. “Where are we going now?” you asked breaking the comfortable silence. “Well, I don’t want fancy food in a fancy restaurant and I know you don’t either,” he said making you giggle, “so how about some five guys?” “Sound perfect then.”

You ordered Five Guys and started eating in the car. Mason had parked in front of a nice park with a nice view. The meal was really good, it consisted on reliving the mess both of you made with the pottery class and just talking about everything and anything.

“So,” Mason said, wiping his mouth with a napkin “I wanted to ask you what had made you so sad yesterday…I mean if you want to talk about it.” “Oh well” You were debating whether or not to tell him. How do you explain to him that you felt insecure because of all the girls he is friends with and that you hate your job without sounding pathetic. “Um my job has been a pain in the ass. I get projects every day it feels like and a lot of the staff quit unexpectedly so I have to cover for them which means even more work.” You said almost laughing at how ridiculous that sounds. No person should be dealing with the amount of work and burnout you were dealing with. “Oh shit, can’t you talk to your boss or someone like a manager?” “Yea, I mean I called in sick today because I just could not do it. I also filed a complaint to HR which I don’t really know if it will help but you know it’s at least something.” Mason was looking at you and listening attentively. “Okay good, maybe they can help, you shouldn't be feeling discouraged and tired in any job.” “Yea I know, it’s really just my job and I don’t know I’ve been feeling a little self conscious lately which is no big deal but it just throws me off some days you know?” Mason’s concern was evident in his face again. “Why’s that love?” You gulped, dreading to tell him you have felt this way ever since you went to his game. “Well, I don’t know. I just feel like sometimes I think about you and you know you are you and I am me. I feel out of place sometimes, especially last weekend with your friends and those girls. They are gorgeous and live like a different reality than me, but it's not that big of a deal I promise.” You really didn’t want to make it seem you were fishing for compliments or you wanted pitty from him but you didn’t want to lie to him.

“Hey look at me.” He said placing one hand against your cheek for you to look at him. “You can talk to me about this okay? I never want you to feel out of place, specially with me. You are the most gorgeous girl. I’ve really wanted to be with you ever since I met you. I know sometimes my lifestyle is very different from yours but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you. Since our first date I've been beating myself up for not even attempting to kiss you.” He said chuckling and making you smile. “I just really wanted to do this the right way you know? Like go on dates, get to know you first, not rush it. That being said, I’ve been really dying to kiss you though, and I’m glad I finally did.” You smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him one more time. It was not a heated kiss, it had a lot of passion. “I really like you Mase, I also want to do this the right way. Sometimes I just overthink too much and get like awkward I don’t know.” You said making yourself and him giggle. “I like you too. So much. You don’t need to hide your personality from me, you don’t need to always look “perfect” for me. I loved seeing you smiling, laughing, clay all over your face today.” You both laughed remembering how the clay went all over the place. He leaned in again and kissed you one more time. “Thank you for today, really. I've never had anyone go out of their way to do something like this for me.” You said kissing his cheek. “You're welcome. We are doing this again it was way too much fun.” He kissed your nose and you agreed.

Once you threw the food wrappers in a trash can near by, he drove off to go drop you off. While saying goodbye, he gave you a few more kisses and waited for you to get safely into your apartment. Once you got inside, you couldn't help but feel giddy and giggle to yourself. You heard a ping from your phone. “Cooking classes next date? X” You smiled to yourself as you read Mason’s message. “Perfect.” You replied. The butterflies in your tummy never went away that night.

#mason mount #mason mount fan fiction #mason mount fluff #mason mount x reader #mason mount x y/n #mason mount fic

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sunshine-zenith · 4 months

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I got my niece some Encanto stuff for her birthday and one of them was a book with brief character bios that came with a bunch of small figures. The bio for Bruno, interestingly enough, says he was the “star” of the family once — it kinda makes him sound like a parallel to Isa instead of Mirabel

That’s a pretty cool idea, actually, and does kinda make sense — iirc the directors said Alma would depend on Bruno’s gift a lot because of the unpredictable trauma of losing Pedro. While his gift is overall different from Isa’s, it makes sense Alma would cling to their gifts the most and make them out to be Golden Children — Julieta’s gift is the most dependable so it’s easy to see it being taken for granted/her being way overworked like Luisa, and while Pepa’s gift is the most similar to Isa’s of the triplets (controlling the weather and therefore affecting the crops/growing and to a degree controlling plants themselves), Pepa has less control over her gift. Shoot, when you compare the way Alma talks to Pepa and the way she talks to Mirabel, it’s pretty similar (criticism, reprimanding, frustration)

Bruno’s gift theoretically offers a chance to prepare for/change the future while Isa’s gift is on the surface level so benign is can only mean stability — you don’t need flowers to fight a war, so if you’re given the ability to grow a bunch of flowers you probably don’t have to worry about losing everything and dying. You Can Keep Yourself Safe vs You Are Safe

The difference I guess is Julieta isn’t currently going through major burnout and ending overwhelmed with the need to protect her community and family, while Pepa isn’t afraid to snap back a bit (the advantage of age, having a solid support system in their loving spouses, having to cope with basically losing their brother, and growing up before Alma worried about losing their miracle might’ve contributed to them having a slightly better handle on their mental health and self worth)

Bruno, going off this random page in this random book for small kids, could be a dark-end parallel to Isa — someone who spent years of their life trying to do everything Alma and the town asked for to their own detriment. I can also remember a couple occasions where their body language also notably changes around/when thinking about Alma — Bruno shrinks down when he thinks about her, Isa straightened her posture, both looked apprehensive. Isa was going to waste her life marrying and having babies with a man she didn’t love and Bruno literally lost ten years of his life in the walls of Casita. The difference is Bruno’s once-praised gift eventually turned to something hated and he turned from the golden child to scapegoat, while Isa’s gift is largely unexplored by her to keep it palatable to help her avoid losing the golden child status

Or something idk y’all I’ve been babysitting all week and I’m Tired

#bruno madrigal #isabela madrigal #encanto #encanto disney #the sun shines #long post #‘inaccurate information from a deeply condensed children’s book written by someone who saw the movie maybe once’ you say? well I say #‘secret lore drops!’#broke 100

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theawakenedstate · 2 months

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What is Divine Masculine Energy?

Curious about divine masculine energy? When it comes to understanding the divine masculine, this is a different playing field than the divine feminine. Let’s explore the Role that the divine masculine energy has in relationship to Spiritual Awakening so you can gain a deeper understanding of how to practically use divine Masculine energy in your own life.

Divine Masculine Energy is About Maturing the Ego

The Divine masculine is about Ego Awareness and Conscious Awareness. It’s the place where we mature our ego. Also, it’s connected to The solar plexus chakra because the solar plexus chakra is all about your divine will. Most importantly, the divine masculine teaches us about how we take action.

So when we are in a place of our divine masculine, it’s often about really being the conscious giver. The Conscious Giver of Energy back to the world. It’s basically like being a giver, but not over-giving to the point of Over-doing it(If you think about this with baking, you understand – don’t burn the cake!) The Divine Feminine is often about Receiving energy but the Divine Masculine is about giving that energy back to the world in the form of action, affirmations, making things happen, and support in relationships.

The Conscious Warrior

I always like to say when it comes to archetypes, this is all about being the warrior, the manifesting warrior, because the manifesting warrior knows to let go and let God fill in the gaps, but the warrior will not stay on the couch. He will get his ass up and go because in this energy of :

if I know I am led & guided, I will know the right actions to take. I will move forward anyway. Choosing to truly be in that energy of confidence, assertiveness and initiation, but I’m not going to get bogged down by my ego.I’m not going to be in the victim mindset about this. I’m not going to be in that energy and instead, I’m going to take the action I need to take.

That is the energy of divine masculine. I will not get bogged down by my ego. I will take the action anyway. That is what it means to step into the warrior consciousness because this energy is about owning your personal power.

It’s not about receptivity at all, waiting, or staying still. It is about having an awareness of owning your personal power by making conscious Movement forward. This energy is all about intuitive Confidence in who you are and that is what will drive you forward to take the actions you need to take.

Wounded Masculine Energy feels like burning out

Now, when it comes to being in a place of wounded masculine energy, it might be where you are burning out and becoming a workaholic without realizing it.

Have you ever felt on the verge of burnout before? it’s happened to me quite a few times over the years…one time resulting in a big emotional breakdown where things HAD to change.

It can be a bad habit, a slippery slope, and often…it can happen unconsciously to our proper awareness. Sometimes it can sneak up on us before we realize it…

It also can have a crazy effect on our mental health and capacity to take action. This is one of the hugest reasons why we might have imbalanced or wounded Masculine Energy.

We have reached the point of pushing too hard where we never stop, let go and detach.

Inevitably we end up – neglecting ourselves or losing ourselves.

This isn’t a fun place to be, it can be sneaky too.

If you’ve ever had thoughts of “well, i’ll just do this for one more hour…” “I can handle it anyway” “I feel exhausted but I’ll just workout anyway despite that” ” let me just keep going” and things keep slipping through the cracks…

and so forth.

Wounded Masculine Energy turns into symptoms and signs of:

Not listening to your body

Not hearing your intuition

Neglecting your Emotional Needs despite that they are screaming at you

Escapism in the form of drugs or alcohol

Pushing beyond your limits in an unhealthy way…

Getting sick more often to your body’s physiological reaction to stress

and this wounded masculine energy, most importantly neglects our Divine Feminine energy so we’re cutting off listening to spirit…. So we burn out, get sick or mentally break down. Deep breaths, I know – If this is happening to you or you’re feeling this way, It’s awful and unfortunately way too common than it should be.

You may be feeling, How do we understand this part of ourselves? What does it even mean to have a wounded masculine energy vs a healthy divine masculine energy?

And How does this Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine ultimately connect to Kundalini? And what does THAT mean in relationship to ‘being Balanced?”

That’s what we’re exploring this week on the podcast,

Want to Know what the heck is Masculine Energy and how to start practically using it ?

Catch the full Episode on the Youtube or Season 3 of the Podcast on sunday

youtube

LISTEN ON YOUTUBE

LISTEN ON THE PODCAST

Do you struggle with burnout, pushing too hard or forgetting self-care? This might be coming from a Wounded Masculine energy. However we can learn how to properly heal this by balancing our masculine and feminine energy.

Share your experience in the comments so we can help support you or share your story in our Awakened Network community Here (we’re building off of social media)

P.S. Are you Ready for Divine Feminine Rising?

Balancing our Divine Masculine and Feminine Energy within is a practice and skill.

However It’s important to learn so that you can have more balance and Spiritual alignment in your life –

Where you learn how to get results easier through understanding your relationship with giving and Receiving.

Join us on an Important timely conversation in the membership where we’re going to break down the How to Get Started with the Practical Tools & Action Steps to help you balance Your Feminine and Masculine Energy Are you curious on How the Membership works?

By becoming an All Access member of The Soul-Aligned Life Academy, you get a Monthly Mini Course Bundle every month + VIP access to our whole shop library of Workshops and bundles (that’s over 60+ video Trainings + 23 Course bundles on all sorts of topics around spiritual awakening & alignment )

– Confused on where to get started? We have a Welcome Kit & Quiz to help you decide which direction would be perfect for you! New Content is added roughly each week and You have Coaching Q&A access when you need it in the Community space.

Ready to Get Started?

Be a New Member Today. https://www.theawakenedstate.net/the-soul-aligned-life-academy-membership/

Psst Like this Blog? Share it on the Socials or Pin it for A Spiritual Bestie to Find, Thanks!

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/what-is-divine-masculine-energy/

What is Divine Masculine Energy?

#divine feminine energy #divine masculine #divine masculine energy #spiritual alignment #spiritual awakening #wounded masculine energy

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christinesficrecs · 5 months

Note

Happy holidays in advance ❄️ 🎅 🎄 ! Whenever and if u have time Pl share fics where stiles or Derek have the bad boy image. Thank u!

Hey you! Happy Holidays!! 🎄⛄️🎄 I love it when they're both bad, very 10 Things I Hate about you. 🥰

A High School Cliché. by halelujah | 2.8K

“Are you the one that played a porno in the Principal’s office?” A gruff voice asks.

“Depends if you’re the one that threw a dumbbell through a window.” He drawls, not bothered in moving from his comfy spot.

The Athlete & The Criminal by damnfancyscotch | 12.1K | Explicit

“What’re you doing here, Stilinski? Did you only score half the winning points at the last lacrosse game instead of all of them?”

Stiles snorts and says, “I thought you were locked up, Hale.”

Derek huffs a laugh and drawls, “Not quite yet.”

The Great Pretender by talktowater | 45.2K | Explicit

Stiles is the new kid at Beacon Hills High, class of 1958 and he's trying to make an impression. Derek can't figure out why this kid is so set on making such a bad one.

Six Minutes by CosmoKid | 4.3K

“What do you want?” Derek practically grows when Stiles is near enough to hear. He can definitely feel the werewolf vibes coming from the guy as well as the fuck off vibes that roll off him in tsunami-sized waves.

Stiles has one thing he needs to say to Derek, but he also has eight million questions to ask him about the werewolf thing and he can barely sort out his thoughts as it is, let alone when there’s a ridiculously attractive werewolf who’s basically Adonis staring at him. Derek takes another drag of his cigarette and raises his eyebrows at Stiles expectantly. He shivers and blurts out, “Six minutes.”

Finstock’s Wilderness Camp for Boys by rainsoakedshoes | 12.1K

“What happens if I don’t go?”

“You get charged with breaking and entering, and you will probably serve time in a juvenile facility,” the sheriff said matter of factly. “That’s if you’re lucky enough to be tried as a minor.”

“You’d send your own son to jail?” Stiles asked in disbelief.

“You broke into someone’s home, Stiles!” The sheriff took a breath to compose himself and ran a hand across his face. “And this isn’t the first time. I can’t keep bailing you out of trouble. I don’t have any favours left to call in. Either you agree to go to the camp and clean up your act, or you risk getting tried as an adult.”

Don’t Judge a Derek By His Cover by captaintinymite (augopher) | 4.5K

Stiles doesn’t care about the rumors surrounding Beacon Hills High School’s resident bad boy, Derek Hale. In fact, he thinks the rumors are total crap. Of course, being secretly in love with someone has a way of clouding one’s judgment.

However, he knew for a fact that Derek liked books. So when the two paired up for a final English project, he was excited (but also a little terrified).

But you know what they say…never judge a book by its cover. The same goes for people.

The Best Bad Things by TroubleIWant | 10.5K

“Fuck,” Stiles moans again, squirming desperately against Derek’s crotch. “You gotta - gotta give me something.” He does his best to slide a hand into the back of Derek’s underwear, and gets far enough that his middle finger brushes the base of his spine.

“I am,” Derek says, reaching back to grab Stiles by the wrist. He deftly pins both of the kid’s arms above his head and grins, all teeth. Stiles goes quiet, then, chest heaving and eyes wide. This is what he’s here for, after all. To feel like he’s doing something dangerous.

"Five Days in Detention" (A Future Song by Stiles Stilinski) by alisvolatpropiis | 3.4K

It’s still preseason, sure, but he needs to be practicing. He led the team to the State semifinals last year, and he’s determined to not only make it to the finals this year, but to win the title. He should be on the field right now, practicing his play calls and prepping for next week’s season opener against Saint Pius.

And he can’t do that if he’s wasting his time in detention with these losers. There are a couple of burnouts lazing over some seats by the window, one kid with his face on a desk, hood over his head, and a few Goth kids are sitting in the back corner, looking surly and morose. Maybe you wouldn’t be so miserable if you didn’t listen to such shitty music, he thinks, turning towards his usual seat in the back of the room.

He pauses for the briefest of moments when he sees who’s already sitting there, in the second-to-last row, black-clad limbs spread out, acoustic guitar in his lap, long fingers casually plucking at the strings.

Stiles Stilinski.

#asks #sterek fics #ficrecs #shimmeringstarrs #high school fics #bad boy derek #bad boy stiles

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vashsmunch · 1 year

Text

The guy next door

Millions Knives x GN Reader

Synopsis: you're a stressed and overworked college student with a neighbor who likes to get on you about self care

Warnings: none really? slight mentions of food deprivation

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"How much longer are you going to continue to toss in your sleep?"

You sighed heavily, picking up the phone and staring angrily at the screen. "If you hate it so much, you can either: A. hang up or B. come over and bring some food, cause I'm hungry," Huffing as you rolled onto your back, you got out of bed and trudged across the room, stretching. "Specifically a turkey sandwich, make sure you panini press it." The clock read ten past midnight, and insomnia was a bitch. You opened the door to enter the hallway towards the kitchen. A massive project was due at the end of the week, but you figured you couldn't get anything done with the burnout you were experiencing.

Nai scoffed, his voice loud from being on speaker mode. "I would sooner be shot in the leg than deliver you any package at this hour. Do you not have any food in your apartment?" You could basically feel his irritation radiating from the screen.

"Uh... would a spoonful of oregano count? If we're feeling spicy, we can just do a glass of water." You silently laughed, putting the phone on a table and flicking the lights on. Food was never a priority considering how much work you always were having to catch up on (procrastination). Eating became an afterthought to allow yourself more time to sit hunched over your laptop, typing countless essays. Unfortunate, but there wasn't much you could do about it. There was a knock on the front door as you passed the living room. Who the hell... You cautiously walked over and looked through the peephole. Huh. A big grin was on your face as you opened the door, arms crossed. "Well, look who it is."

Nai pursed his lips as he shoved a paper bag into your hands. "The thought of you standing in your kitchen, shoving fistfuls of spices into your mouth, was too pathetic to bear," He stepped inside and looked around your messy apartment in distaste. "Did I not just clean this last week?"

He had, in fact, cleaned the living room last week, including the rest of the house, but you played deaf, humming as you followed him. The two of you have been neighbors for months, his place next to yours, which is how he came over so quickly. Irritating him was your favorite pastime, half because of his reaction and the other because you loved being close to him. You would never admit that to him, though; he would never let you live it down. But none of this really explained why he had your food prepared as soon as you'd asked. Maybe he was some kind of off-brand supernatural speed demon and happened to do it fast? You wouldn't put it past him.

He suddenly stopped walking, and you bumped into him, hissing as you grabbed your head in pain. Why was his back built like concrete? "Ugh, you good? Kind of hard to walk if you're just gonna stand in the middle of the hallway like that."

A slight scowl was on his face as he turned to face you, having just now entered the kitchen. There were piles of dishes in the sink and boxes of delivery everywhere, most notably cheap Chinese takeout (orange chicken got you through writer's block). You hadn't had time to clean recently; more often than not, you were just eating to feed your brain and then going straight back to work.

Sitting down and actually enjoying a meal hasn't been a reality ever since you started university. There just wasn't enough time. "I thought we agreed that you would buy groceries this week."

You shrugged, going to set the paper bag down on the counter. "I can last a few more days without them. There are leftovers from what I hadn't finished yet," When you pulled out the container of food, a smile came on your face again. Not only had Nai made your sandwich, but he had given you a side of salad, along with freshly cut fruit. He always ensured you had nutrients instead of just fats and grease in your meals. "How did you end up making this so quickly anyways?"

"I had it already made. I assumed you would be neglecting your basic human needs, and I was proven right once again."

What a smartass. Rolling your eyes, you sat down to eat your food. As you took a bite of the sandwich, you sighed happily and closed your eyes in satisfaction. He was a smartass, but damn, could he cook. You popped an apple slice into your mouth and glanced at him, getting a trash bag to clean up. "You really don't have to do that. It's not your responsibility," All you got was a grunt in response, making you laugh softly. "For someone who complains everytime he does it, you always insist on cleaning up after me."

You rested your elbows on the table, cradling your head in your hands as you stared at him. He looked really good for someone who was half asleep at 12 am. He always insisted on wearing a tight black turtleneck to bed, no matter what. Your eyes rolled over the crevices of his flexing back muscles as he picked up trash. Had he been working out more? How did he even find the time? Nai took as many classes as you did, but he always seemed one step ahead of his work, all while balancing a healthy routine as well. He went on runs, played piano in his spare time, and even meal prepped.

In some ways, you envied him. To have your life put together in that way seemed impossible for you. "You know, I never call anybody," He stopped moving and turned his head to look at you, but you kept talking, not even paying attention. "I get too anxious for that, so I prefer texting. But for some reason, you always insist on doing these nightly calls, even when we see each other every other day. Why? Especially when you always complain about me tossing and turning." You said playfully as you took another bite of your sandwich. Why did he have to be so good at cooking too? Fuck.

There was silence as he got up to tie the garbage bag and wash his hands. You glanced around the kitchen, which looked remarkably cleaner. All he did was pick up trash, which looked better than when you did chores for a full day. Who the hell was this dude?

As Nai dried his hands off, you finished your food, sighing contentedly. Then, a sudden wave of exhaustion washed over your body as you started to sway. He grabbed your shoulder, keeping you from almost hitting your head on the table. You weren't even phased as he picked you up and carried you in his arms back to your room like you weighed nothing. Guess the all-nighters finally caught up to you. He glanced down at you as he made his way to the back of the apartment, but you barely noticed due to how tired you were. There was a comfortable quietness between you two, as there always was. Sometimes, words didn't need to be said; his presence was enough. Again, you would never say this out loud. He would become insufferable. What a bitch.

As he stepped into your room, he delicately placed you on your bed, and you yawned, laying your head on the pillow. Jesus, you really were exhausted. As your eyelids started to flutter shut, you felt something touching your face. You looked up to see Nai's finger caressing your cheek with an unreadable expression. He then spoke quietly, "You are one of the only people who attempt to converse with me. I never understood why; I am not a fun person to talk to." He leaned over and got closer to your face, meeting your gaze. "However, I've grown fond of you regardless. And as such, I've also started to enjoy hearing your voice, which is why I call you."

You stared at him, suddenly wide awake. He was never one to talk about himself, much less his feelings. The two of you never had such intimate conversations, and on the rare occasion you did, it was always you ranting to him as he quietly listened. To hear him confess his true motives like this, it felt foreign. But it also made you... happy?

"As insufferable as you are, to be without you is like torture. I feel the urge to care for you and keep you safe. I clean up your apartment because I know you won't do it yourself. I make your favorite meals because you deprive yourself of things you need to stay alive. It's an integral part of my life that I can't bear to part with, and I want to keep cherishing you like this as long as I can. Because I care about you. More than you'll ever realize," He gives you a small kiss on the forehead as he stands up to leave. "Now rest, and I'll come to visit you in the morning." As he leaves, you roll over on your back to stare at the ceiling. He likes you. Holy shit, he likes you. Dear god.

A/N: i was NOT expecting so many people to find my account already LMAO, i'm honored

#millions knives #millions knives x you #nai x reader #nai x you #trigun #trigun stampede

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