#guilt and self hate

[pinkjeepwhitemonster]

i wish i could tell everyone how bad im struggling 

#guilt #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #tw sucidal ideation #tw self destructive behavior #vent #depressing shit #sh #Relapse #this is depressing #suicudal #su!cide #self h@rm #i hate myself

[bluerosefox]

The Trouble With Time Travel Guilt

Danny, due to a nightmare of his future evil self, does what any young hero teen with internet access would do late at night.

Starts a 'AITA' thread asking if it he was an asshole for destroying an entire timeline, even if said timeline population was a wasteland due to said evil version of himself almost destroying all life at the moment, by swearing to never become him (Dan) and locking his evil self away. And should he feel as bad as he does because of everything his no longer future self did??

He... wasn't expecting a lot of other people (some seem to teens his age, he even made friends with some like R3dRobyum~) that may or may not have experienced time travel too and dealing with this odd sense of guilt.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #crossover #blue rambles #writing ideas #random idea #ANY crossover will do but just imagine #like if its DC crossover #dp x dc #danny phantom dc #Tim finds the thread during late night research #his future self is something he hates remembering #but he understands Danny's feelings over it #its nice to know others have dealt with time travel in such a way #everyone who responds start trauma bonding #odd sense of guilt for a future no longer going to be #time travel is weird sometimes #any others are welcomed

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[slocumjoe]

I've said before that the synth thing would work better with a McCarthyism allegory, but for Danse specifically, its so similar to autism that it has to be intentional??

Like. The thing that really solidified that Danse in particular is just straight up about autism is Piper's line in Blind Betrayal. Paraphrased, it goes something like, "I mean...yeah, of course he's a synth. It was kind of obvious, wasn't it? I mean, have you heard him talk?"

The autism accent is a concept that seems to be popping up more recently, but its a real thing, and in my own experience, everyone in my life has been able to clock that there was something different about me from my speech. People thought it was weird that I used "adult" words as a kid, and was very technical and exact when speaking. I was often mistaken as being from places like Brooklyn because I had a weird affectation to my voice.

And there's just. This fucking line. "Have you heard him talk?". Piper is also the person who clicked McDonough as a synth. It's worth noting that McDonough and Danse both use words like "rabble".

But seriously.

Danse goes through his life being respected for his work ethic, intelligence, and strong sense of duty and morals, but he never really bonds with anyone, he doesn't make friends. He's respected, not liked. People want to work with him, but the best they have to say about him is about his work. He makes one single friend in his entire life, and never tries again after that guy dies. And no one tries to befriend him. He's their brother. He's not their friend. And he takes his job too seriously as a commanding officer to attempt emotional connection. He apologizes for overstepping on the few occasions he does.

He talks like a thesaurus, and no one is sure if its to sound smarter, or if that's just genuinely how he thinks. It's strongly implied to be the latter. He's incredibly knowledgeable and passionate about various topics. He sounds like a kid on Christmas when you risk life and limb cracking open a vault that's supposed to have riches, but instead, just has some historical items. He throws his Brotherhood prejudice away the moment he finds a farm run by ghouls that uses pre-war structures in a creative way, and scolds you if you do the Brotherhood thing and insult them. He also seemingly forgets that he's in the Brotherhood when meeting a child ghoul, that kid's parents, a shy, insecure ghoul who clings to children's media (despite Danse finding children's entertainment stupid and a waste of time), and Daisy.

And then there's the synth thing.

Danse has always been Danse, but one little word gets attached to him and his life turns upside down. His work ethic is no longer a work ethic, it's viewed as a perversion. His intelligence and manner of speech are no longer of his own merit and education he had to have given himself, they become inevitable, things he had no say in. His existence is both erased and explained by one word, and anything else is irrelevant or in question. People who once respected him want nothing to do with him, because this one word puts him in a context they find unnatural, corrupted, inhuman. There's even something there with the Institute. Autism is (incorrectly) associated with vaccines, the government, science gone wrong. It's a man-made horror.

And then you have the people he gets lumped in with, after being thrown out for this one word. They take schadenfreude in it. This is comeuppance, this is deserved. This one word, something they take pride in or have sympathy for and want to protect, suddenly becomes weaponized. It's a source of pride for others, but for this one person, we're going to use it as punishment. You weren't with us from the start, so now you really are on your own. It's not that there isn't a right way to be this one word, it's just that there's a wrong way, and even if you change accordingly, you will never belong with the rest of us.

Its. Autism is about exclusion, from everyone and everything. Always being an outsider, often too polite or nervous or jaded to even bother looking in. And at every point in Danse's life he didn't belong. He was a rogue synth, so he didn't belong in the Institute. He naturally thrives as a soldier, so he didn't belong as a junk seller in Rivet City. He was a synth and considerably more kind and compassionate than the rest of the BOS, so he didn't belong there. And because he was a BOS soldier and is still working out some bad traits after his exile, he isn't welcomed by the people who he was thrown to. Everywhere he goes, there's a big neon sign over his head that changes to whatever word will ward off everyone around him and he's so used to it, the thing that makes him angriest about being a synth is that he doesn't even have parents. He doesn't even have that connection to the world, of being born into it. There is nothing he can connect himself to beyond the Institute (which he hates) and the Brotherhood (which, if he continues to connect himself to, will drive him to suicide out of sense of duty, and he already agreed to not do that)

Its just. His entire story is one of absolute isolation and the final dickpunch of "You've always hated yourself, right? Good news, here's a reason to kill yourself that's professional and won't illicit pity from your peers, so no one will judge you for doing it or grieve you."

#fallout 4 #fo4 #paladin danse #gettin emosh with the babygirl this fine evening #always sobbing about how Hancock hates Danses fucking guts but not as much as he hates Danse laying down and accepting death #theyre such similar people its just that Hancock has finished his first arc of bettering himself. he just hasnt worked thru the guilt #and self hatred #meanwhile danse only gets the realization hes been an ass and needs to change. he never hits act 2 or 3 #because of shit writing

[topaziraphale]

"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,

The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"

Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.

What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.

#derpy speaks #good omens #good omens 2 #no i dont think crowley is gonna ever hate aziraphale for what happened but he's allowed to be angry #he's allowed to be done with it all. he's allowed to be exhausted. just look at his face when he drives away. #meh. idk. but i dont know how i'll feel if crowley just INSTANTLY accepts aziraphale back in a situation involving #idk - ''hey help me stop the new apocalypse'' #at least. without like. SOME pushback? it can even be something small like ''are you SURE you want ME to help you? do you really need me?'' #doesnt have to be a straight refusal but i'd like SOME kind of action to show that crowley is putting his foot down for once #he deserves that self respect #do NOT reply saying that im insinuating that aziraphale is actively malicious or doing it on purpose. #everything he has done up until now is his own complicated response to all the trauma and guilt he's been through #but despite that crowley is STILL allowed to be upset... it's messy. i can write a whole paper about how this whole thing #is just unfortunate on both ends. again. we didnt get queerbaited we got communication baited 😭 #but help me out here. am i just too fandom-brained to have these expectations from the story? #is there something obvious im missing that is making me sound like a complete asshole here? do i need to get my head out of the gutter? #someone please explain it to me if so because whatever it is‚ i can't find it #not queued

[itsdefinitely]

do you think boy jerry contemplates clawing his eyes out sometimes

#definite's ted talks #for an christian man he sure has a lot of catholic guilt #and just like this i can connect him to every lord in black #pokey - campfire songs (virginity rocks). need for control #blinky - see no evil #nibbly - self-explanatory #tinky - knows both spankoffski brothers. uses funny little games to cope & hates it when something doesnt go his way (applies to pokey too) #wiggly - wants his wrath #boy jerry #nightmare time 2 #abstinence camp #hatchetfield #i love using the phrase 'hate the sin love the sinner' #and i will continue to use it until it stops being true #guys nmt3 boy jerry episode... trust me. would i ever lie to you

[vitospaghetta]

"However, I personally think that when Leon decides to find his worth, he’ll stop going after women that don’t want him—no bad mouthing on Leon, though, he totally kicks butt, but when it comes to the ladies, it’s questionable." (x)

Stephanie Panisello fucking gets it.

#leon kennedy #resident evil: death island #resident evil: infinte darkness #stephanie i owe u my life #nobody hates leon s kennedy more than leon hates himself <3 #burdened by guilt and loneliness #self-sabotaging left and right while simultaneously trying to fill a void #what a mess

[books-and-dragons]

I'm so sorry, I'm kinda drunk and dropping another idea, do with it whatever ye will.

Yknow how in the beginning of the game, Sojiro tells Ren he won't take care of him when he gets sick?

Consider: he's not used to city germs/being that closely shoved against other people on the train. He DOES start to get sick around Kamoshida's Palace, powers through it, and then is SUPER sick just after it's over.

He plans on sucking it up and hiding it, but Futaba hears his hacking coughs over her bug even when he's upstairs, followed by wheezing, maybe even a little weeping. He's constantly in and out of the bathroom, and he's starting to run out of tissues.

Futaba nervously texts Sojiro that the kid they took in sounds awful. Sojiro is gruff at first and says he's not a baby, he can take care of himself. She responds by sending him the audio and suddenly Dad Instincts kick in

y/n

obviously it's a YES, our brainrots continue because early-game ren and sojiro dynamics break my heart every time how dare you get me so invested in this idea, this post got too long so it's going under a read more

listen listen look i love sojiro and the coffee family okay, but early-game?? sojiro could catch these hands

ren has already been though so much by the time he arrives in tokyo, to then be put into a dusty old attic like a spare part would absolutely fit in with ren's own perception of himself at that stage. it would be almost too easy for him to put his own health on the backburner kinda like he's already used to it

very used to not taking up space, 'not being a bother', and then sojiro really reinforces this message when ren first gets to leblanc- so when ren inevitably gets ill a month into his probation, it's already doomed for maladaption

tokyo would be such a breeding ground for sickness compared to the countryside, and ren just doesn't have the consitution to deal with it. the dusty attic and poor eating habits don't help matters, and then we have the stress of kamoshida and the metaverse?? ren is not having a Good Time™

at first it's something he thinks he can shrug off, and is adamant that ignoring it is the way to go. a cold, it's nothing, he can handle this alone, no need to bother anyone else with it.

inevitably, he gets worse, because that's what happens when you don't rest and let yourself recover. a tickly cough becomes a tightness in his chest, mild congestion shifts into an attack on his senses and blurriness- but maybe that's the dizziness. he's not really sleeping, either.

it's something that's becoming increasingly difficult to brush off and hide, he even relented to finally getting some medicine (nothing as strong as he needs by this point, that would eat too much into his limited funds, but some painkillers to take the edge off). once or twice he's tempted to stay off school, at morgana's insistence, or a too close call where he definitely blacked out for a minute, but then sojiro's voice will ring in his head 'i won't be the one looking after you if you get sick', 'your parents got rid of you for being a pain in the ass', and all his worst insecurities come rushing back and he's resolved to deal with it on his own

meanwhile, futaba's been making use of her hidden audio bugs- normally they're a comfort for her in the daytime, but since the new kid- ren- has been staying at the cafe (part-timer her ass, how gullible does sojiro think she is?!), she's been listening more frequently. when ren gets sick, she figures it out quickly.

time goes on, he's not getting better- he's actually getting worse- and futaba starts to wonder if she's the only one who knows

(there's something in his sharp contrasts- the quiet kid who shuffles through the cafe and takes sojiro's scolding, to the coughing kid who cries into the silence of night when he thinks there's nobody there to see it- that stabs through her numbness. it feels like a companion to her own ghost)

one night she swears the kid gets up to be sick, and there's hardly any sound heard from the attic all night. if nobody's gonna help ren, then she will (futaba used to like helping, once upon a time).

she texts sojiro the next day, when ren doesn't say anything again, and goes off to school with what she bets is a fake assurance on his face

and you're so right, sojiro dismisses her concern really easily, claims the kid can 'take care of himself' and he won't 'baby' the part-timer. insists ren needs to learn some disipline, then maybe he'll stay out of trouble

frustration wells in futaba- if she was less fixated on what was going on with ren, she'd register it's one of the first changes of mood she's had for months- and she responds with nothing but an audio clip, an attached explanation that this is just from the past few days- it's been going on for weeks, then she waits, and hears the distant sound of her compilation through one of the bugs, a hitched breath from sojiro, curse words under his breath-

for all his earlier postulating about not helping ren if he gets sick, sojiro is immeditely struck with a pang of concern- it sounded bad, and if futaba's words were anything to go by, this had been going on for a while. the kid's at school now (at school, being as ill as that and he was still going to class-), so sojiro will talk to him when he gets back. there's a chance he goes a bit too over the top, between the variation of medicines he purchases, supplies he grabbed from home- if you accused him for over-compensating after maybe being too harsh on the kid in the beginning, you'd be right

and you just know ren would be so resistent at first to help, or even just the offer of staying off school. in his sickness-induced fugue, ren's filter-less in rattling off how he can't stay off, what will the students and teachers think, and he has work that afternoon, and a test soon, and he doesn't want to get in the way-

sojiro's heart just shatters

this kid, whose been silently carring the weight of the world and has apparently been falling to pieces for weeks now and sojiro didn't even notice?

(a part of it reminds him too much of the other kid he's got at home, the countless ways he's already failed futaba, and now ren too? he feels useless)

sojiro focuses on what he can do, and that's making the kid rest. work will understand, school can wait, ren isn't an inconvenience, he guides the kid to bed, calls takemi immediately (who rushes over, despite the fact she's technically closed at this hour, and refuses to take any payment),

even still, there's this stilted awkwardness between them when the quiet pushes on too long- they hardly know each other, afterall. sojiro is still figuring out the 'caring for kids' thing, and ren isn't familiar with any kind of parental affection, so some of sojiro's care veers a bit too close to clinical or mechanic, and ren still struggles to communicate what kind of help he needs, but it's enough for now.

for now, sojiro is there. he's trying, and at least ren's getting some colour back on his skin. for now, ren's willing to take a few days off and have some medicine, but he's over-apologetic and definitely tries to make up for his sickness once he's healed. it's gonna take them both a while yet, but luckily there's always their guardian hacker, ready and able to call them out when needed (and maybe some day she'll be able to keep an eye on ren and sojiro in person)

#ask #also the idea of it being futaba who first realises going on?? developing hers and ren's bond before they even meet?? #june i love your brain have i ever mentioned #such a gem even when it h u r t s (which is obviously only ever ALWAYS <3) #us : *sees angsty p5 game content* it's free real estate! #i want ren to have a HUG and REASSURANCE and also a bowl of soup #instead he gets dusty attic and milk-crate bed and instant noodles he packed for emergencies :c #persona 5 #p5 #persona 5 headcanons #ren amamiya #futaba sakura #sojiro sakura #oh also also!! imagine how sojiro might feel about his early-game behaviour by late-game/post-canon?? #ohhh i bet he'd hate it and there'd be so much self-blame/loathing there #parent guilt and all that good stuff y'know #futaba? seeing herself in early-game ren? ren? seeing himself in palace-futaba? sorry they make me soft and emotional your honour #i love my coffee family but i love it more flavoured with all the issues they haven't yet worked through #once again THIS WASNT MEANT TO BE SO LONG

[zeb-z]

missa, after his self resentment and lamenting about how he doesn’t feel worthy or like he should be accepted, after telling himself and the capybaras that he doesn’t have a home, not really - after all is said and done, he returns to phil & missa, leaving his mini mi in the house on the wall. as if he’d consider anywhere other than the house he shared with phil safe enough. seeking out safety and home brought him right back where he started.

something about how despite his internal conflicts and issues about what he thinks he deserves, he’ll still come back. and for all he worries that he is not enough to be loved in return, his name is still on the warp stone.

#he’s got issues out the ass of his self worth and it’s like. yeah shit man you haven’t been reliable but you’re not unloveable #he wants to be better and he tries and he cares the issue is he holds the rest of his family on such a pedestal #this shame and guilt bubbles up and is only made worse when he isn’t rejected or hated like he’s expecting. he’s taken back with open arms #so he follows phil for guidance as to what’s acceptable. without phil there how can he know if it’s ok for him to stay in their home? #as if he didn’t also build their home yknow #but even when all is said and done he returns. even if it makes him feel guilty even if he thinks he doesn’t deserve it #because as much as he doesn’t want to be a bother he wants to be better most of all. wants to be present #I just don’t think he ever expects to be wanted to keep around. like he wants to prove himself and he’s expecting his loved ones to reject #any sort of redemption. meanwhile they don’t see the need for a redemption in the first place #shaking missa you wet cat of a man you dense self sabatoging silly silly man #stop your hero worship. own up and show up. and let your family love you because my god you are so loved #sorry tags got away from me it’s like 5 am and I’m like ahfhhrhfhshfhhs #mcyt #qsmp #q!missa #missasinfonia #z speaks

[pretty-emo-dad]

No fucking way someone on TikTok blamed Mike for Max sacrificing herself mf wasn’t even in the same state

#stranger things #mike wheeler #max mayfield #GOD #their reasoning was that mike scolded max for being careless w el’s powers in season three #so Max sacrificed herself for…. el? who she hasn’t seen? and has no idea that El is involved? #and in their caption they said that mike used max as bait #when that was so far from true considering that 1. max went against everyone to use herself as bait #and 2. MIKE WASNT IN INDIANA #and if he was he would have been so against the plan with max #yes Max’s survivors guilt made her do a self sacrifice moment but how is that at all mikes fault???? #like in that argument #he was in the right #and so was max! #but they were arguing about different things and didn’t get each other’s points #UGHHHHHH I HATE TIKTOK

[gideonisms]

I hate the layers of fake irony this site is coating posts in now. It's not fooling anyone either! We know you care about Topics that's why you are on here posting about them at 1:30 AM. I even catch myself mimicking that tone sometimes and I kind of hate it! Bring back moments of real joy and excitement, clumsily expressed, in 2024!!!

#i read a post written in horrible 2014 vernacular and instead of cringing i kind of found myself thinking #wow we had a lot of energy for life back then huh? #things HAVE changed and i get that we're all tired. i'm tired #but still #i just hate to ever cringe too hard at my younger self for moments of silly self expression #she did plenty wrong let's not pile on guilt that she ever felt happy

[littlefankingdom]

People: Bruce was awful about Jason when he was dead, insulting him and slandering him.

Me: Or, maybe, he was written by people who have been vocal about hating Jason (they wanted to kill that kid so bad) for people who hated the kid (you know, because he wasn't Dick).

#bruce wayne #red hood #batman #jason todd #dc comics #my ramblings #y'all forget that dc hates Jason and will do anything to make it know #sometimes it's not the character that is speaking but the writers #also sometimes y'all interpret the few words Bruce speak to mean something else completely as if he isn’t nd af #never trust a writer for a marvel or dc comic #also saying Jason was reckless isn’t slandering or an insult #it's like the regret of a father who let his kid get away with too much until it was too late #it's more self-guilt than saying something bad about his kid

[notmoreflippingelves]

It's dawned on me suddenly

And for no obvious reason

That I can't go on

Living as I am.

#esteban flores #elena of avalor #disneyedit #eoaedit #don't you hate it when you have a blorbo; a million song lyrics that suit them; and no photoshop skills to speak of? #esteban flores and pierre bezukov (specifically the version in great comet) would get along great tho #the same bruised desperate heart longing for purpose and overflowing with love but no vessel to put it in (at present) #the same intellectual snobbery as a faulty mask for profound and permanent self-loathing #the same...'survivor's guilt ' isn't even the right word...it's definitely that but it's also just 'existence' guilt #like 'yes; I failed to die alongside those I love on the battlefield. but even before that; I failed at being loved in the way I wanted to' #'which is like the one job we are supposed to have as humans: to love and be loved.' #'once I'd like to think I was worthy but now I know that I am not. I have wasted my chances and made too many mistakes' #of course they both Esteban and Pierre still ARE worthy of love but it takes time and effort and willingness to change to find it #am going to try to also do something with 'dust and ashes' at some point #not to mention like my million BATB broadway; Frozen broadway and JCS lyrics that suit Esteban #myedits #mygifs #obligatory ' I used to be butter; I used to be butter; I used to be butter' joke here

[s0fter-sin]

metalhead ghost who’s been in moshpits since he was a kid and is now a veteran of the scene and the self appointed look out. he keeps an eye out for anyone falling or passing out, kicks the shit out of anyone crowd killing or putting their hands where they shouldn’t

and he’s been keeping an eye on the punk in the kilt since he saw him throw himself headfirst into the wall of death

he looks like the type to start shit - loud and aggressive as anyone else here but a punk doesn't end up at a metal show for no reason - but there's also something niggling at him that he's gonna end up getting himself hurt. and ghost can’t tell if he’s going to do it on purpose

if he does, ghost needs to know. he uses these places as an escape - the music, the violence, the community - always has and he knows all to well how easily an escape can curdle and become destructive. he’s seen too many people lost to the darker parts of the scene, almost lost himself to it; he doesn’t want it to happen to anyone else if he can help it

so when he sees the punk sweating his mohawk off, his movements becoming looser and uncoordinated, he has no issues with yanking him out of the pit and pulling him away from the crowd; pushing him up against the venue wall and ordering him to open his mouth

the glaze that falls over his eyes concerns him even as he obediently lets his mouth fall open. he was right; the punk’s severely dehydrated, tongue and gums far to pale and along with the look in his eyes, he half-thinks he’s about to drop

he reflexively tightens his hold on his jaw to keep him up and the punk shivers, a flush creeping up his neck. an almost confused arousal joins the haze in his eyes and ghost smirks beneath his mask

looks like metal shows aren’t the only thing the punk is new to

#soapghost #ghostsoap #ghoap #ghost has a split tongue bc i said so #and soaps mohawk is overgrown and fluffy as hell running down the back of his neck #once ghost forces water down his throat soap comes back online and is his usual self and ghost starts to like him even more #he likes having someone that can go toe to toe with him #i wish i knew more about the scene so i could expand this but i dont know shit about punk or metal culture lmao #i do know itd be mid 20s soap and late 30s early 40s ghost and soaps just self destructing #wanting to be an artist but hes being strangled both by his family who think its a waste when hes so mathematically smart #and by the artistic community who hate his pieces for being too chaotic and non traditional #ghost keeps running into him at shows and he recognises that self destruction all too well #and he sees him declining and knows if he doesnt step in no one will #he was a drug addict after getting caught up in abusive relationship with roba #and it was only his brothers death that pulled him out of his spiral #he doesnt want death to be the end of this spitfire punks story #soaps also got that classic catholic guilt internalised homophobia going for him #hes only ever known the bad parts of the scene he didnt know there was anything different #until ghost introduces him to price and nikolai whove been together longer than hes been alive #and to gaz and farah and alex who make no secret of their love for each other and soap realises just how deprived he is of healthy love #not when his parents barely stand him not when his sister only got married when she fell pregnant and they forced her into the church #with a man she hardly knew just so they could keep their reputation #just ghost showing soap theres more to life than violence and hatred and theres so much love for him to discover #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #john soap mactavish #soap cod #save post

[mla0]

i always liked the idea of habit more in the sense of it being a force of nature, not an entity with its own sense of self. like, if habit were using vinny, noah, shaun, or someone else, it'd be completely different in terms of personality AND actions. it might still have the same general distaste for the man or whatever, but besides that everything else can be up in the air. i thought this was the direction it was gonna go in the early parts of EMH, and it's safe to say i was a teeny bit disappointed

#og #everymanhybrid #emh #no hate if you love canon habit though i just love this concept for something like this #especially given the name #it's like an influence with no central self on its own #brings out your worst and most hidden traits and pushes you to the brink of your physical limit #and then leaves you hollow and confused and full of guilt

[fellhellion]

Self admitted Miguel girlie here sure, but I’m just. honestly floored by takes that assume small inconsistencies between Miguel’s story about the collapsed dimension and how canon events operate = that he’s lying, and its not the story asking you to understand and accept a particular kind of lens to its stakes (what canon events represent and allow the characters to confront is more important than a scientific understanding to the pure mechanics) plus the fact that well.

Miguel doesn’t linger on these inconsistencies because he blames himself. Of course he Occam’s razor-s his own traumatic event and assumes his presence was inherently destructive, of course he’s unwilling to play mad scientist with billions of lives and see for sure what triggers will ensure dimensional collapse.

Even if blaming himself is the one of the worst, most isolating burdens, at least it’s an answer. It least it provides a path forward that will protect people, however stained that path is.

And if he’s wrong, not only does he have no answer for why he’s suffered, why an entire dimension suffered, even if it was never a moralised answer - but he has no certainty as to what to even do now. Every action that he took knowing the moral concession it asked of him as Spider-Man meant nothing, and he’s accidentally doomed people all over again.

#miguel o'hara #atsv #legitimately any Miguel is evil take falls apart the moment you consider he has nothing to GAIN from this #he’s buckling under the weight of his own guilt and grief and he’s so isolated from even his own organisation #he’s just. honestly doing the equivalent of self harm by watching Gabriella videos over and over again while hating the path he’s on but #believing there’s no other way #he’s literally sunk cost fallacy-ed himself in his own guilt and it’s TRAGIC and it makes me so annoyed lmao to see people view all of that #and go omg he’s just evil for incomprehensibly stupid reasons THAT DONT MAKE SENSE W THE ACTIONS HE TAKES #tunes talks spiderverse