#growing up alone

[furiousgoldfish]

Abusive parents will talk about your childhood experiences as if you were so stupid and annoying and obtuse that of course they had to humiliate and smack you and degrade you for how stupid you were. They'll act like it was your fault you didn't know that you're supposed to prioritize adults never being interrupted or inconvenienced or annoyed by you at all times! You just HAD to have that drilled into you and if they didn't do it you'd grow up an entitled selfish brat who'd be nothing but a huge burden on society. (they still call you that regardless).

But if you go back to reality, you can acknowledge that you were put in completely impossible scenarios, that even an adult would not be able to get out of without trauma. As a child, you were experiencing everything in the world, for the first time. You needed guidance, you need someone to show you how, to explain in a way you could understand, to allow you to try things out. You were supposed to be introduced to the world by someone who cared what kind of experience you would get.

Instead, what you got is people who didn't acknowledge that you were a literal child with no knowledge of how the world, and no direction to how their selfish minds worked. All you had was your genetic wiring which instructed you to ask for attention, to ask for help, to try things out one way or another, to ask for your needs to be met, to rely on your family members to be a support to you. It's what the society was built upon, elder members teaching and protecting their young. Instead, you get these mongrels who not only fail to teach you anything, but if you ever, without any instruction or guidance, do the wrong thing, you get to be punished. You get to be a child with no sources to how to do things, how anything works, but if you try and teach yourself, since nobody else will teach you, you are put thru pure hatred. If you mess up, everyone in the world that you know suddenly is enraged with you and hates you. They're ready to hurt you for not knowing the information you were never fed, that there was never a way for you to gain access to.

And they go above and beyond to make your lack of knowledge a shameful thing for you! They sabotage your learning process because now you're not allowed to show or admit that you don't know something! You're not allowed to ask questions, to request to be taught, you'll get laughed at and called an idiot and asked 'how don't you know this, how old are you?!' and possibly punished just for your lack of experience. You'll get shamed for 'not learning by looking at their example' despite them never giving you an example to learn from!

There is no way even a full adult would know what to do in this situation! In every other scenario in life there are guides, resources, mentors, teachers, guidelines, rules of what to do and what not to do. When you start a new job you spend time being trained and being allowed to ask as many questions as you want. In any normal educative scenarios, you're allowed to ask for things to be explained to you. In real life, you're allowed to try and fail something hundreds of times only to figure it out and get it right, with NO punishment!

So why is it that you, as a child, who had no way of knowing ANYTHING, least of all how cruel and selfish your caretakers are, had to get shamed for not knowing things in advance? Punished for making noise, for trying to learn, for accidentally annoying people who were supposed to be obliged to help you go thru this process?

And it's devastating to grow up like that! Since young age, constantly hyper-aware that if any problem rises up, it will be your problem and yours alone, nobody will help you figure it out. Not even when you sink into panic, not even when you don't know what to do and in your child head, the thing is a disaster which will cost you everything, not even if you're feeling dread and lack of hope for week, nobody will come and explain the realistic way to solve this problem and comfort you and tell you that you did nothing wrong. Instead, you learn that anything you do could potentially have catastrophic consequences if it accidentally annoys your caretakers, and instead of learning, growing, having fun, making friends, living care-free and normal life, your entire focus has to be on not accidentally annoying these people. You have to hide, learn to never cause any issues, never to have any visible problems, to cry silently, to not ask for anything, to try and figure out day after day, what would make these people hate you less, what would make you a less of a burden on them.

And then, these assholes can go and laugh at how 'stupid' you were as a kid. They can joke about how they 'had to punish you' so you would learn.

You were not stupid. You were alone. You took the overwhelming task of raising yourself because nobody else would. You didn't fail. You didn't do anything wrong. It was never warranted to punish you. You taught yourself how to live when nobody else would even look at you. You had to figure out friendships, relationships, education, parental relations, and on top of it, how to stay alive, how to not have any problems, how not to irritate anyone, how to never be visible or needing anything, or god forbid, making problems for anyone else, all by yourself. When you were just a child. You had no guidance, no protection, no caretakers. You probably got into so much trouble that would have been completely avoided if only one person cared enough to sit you down and have a conversation with you and showed you that they care, explained to you how things work. Who would have told you that you were a good kid and that trying and failing is how all of us learn.

There is nothing funny about the neglect they put you thru. There's nothing funny about torturing a child who never received care or attention. You were not supposed to grow up surrounded by people who felt nothing but contempt for you. You did not deserve to grow up without love.

#abusive parents #toxic parents #child abuse #abusive caretakers #growing up alone #child neglect #growing up neglected #sabotage of learning #toxic shame #enforcing shame on children for not being all knowing #enforcing punishment on children for things adults are not punished for #traumatic childhood #neglected childhood #psychological abuse #abuse denial #abuse excuses #promoting abuse as 'teaching tool' #traumatizing childhood

[blueprint-poetry]

𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔤𝔪𝔞𝔫

There’s no getting any further tonight, so under this weight, this chemical depression and wretched heart and worthless existence, I crawl under sheets, and in the loneliness, I lay. I was meant for this: raised unto this: to the depression and the emptiness and to walk alone and face this alone. You cannot tell me otherwise anymore; for how many needs have you already said I am on my own for? So, this- this is no different. I heard it all from a young age, and I am negligent  . . .

keep reading

#poetry #blueprint poetry #the hangman #negligence #abuse #recovery through poetry #healing #trauma #growing up alone

[pien-art]

Little Moiraine and baby Anvaere 💫

(click image for optimal quality)

prints available here !

#i can just imagine moiraine as the best big sister when they were growing up #protective and patient and eager to do right by anvaere. to keep her safe. to make her laugh and smile. reading to her and playing with her #and teaching her how to survive #and then she learned to channel #and suddenly anvaere was all alone #my art #wot #twot #wot fanart #fanart #the wheel of time #wheel of time on prime #wot on prime #moiraine damodred #anvaere damodred #art

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Sorry for not having a Year of the Dragon MDZS artwork; Unfortunately, I can only picture Dragon LWJ in this particular flavour.

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #wei wuxian #Dragon AU #MDZS AU #noodleji #(IT'S A REAL TAG!!! AAH!!! THROWING MY HAT TO THE LITTLE GUY LOVERS!) #Yes I watched Fruits Basket in my teen years and yes it left a significant impression on me. #'The Dragon Transforms' and its just into a small little guy. #Even more points if the human form is a Tall Guy. #Sadly this does not appear to be a common nor popular variation so I will sit on my little hill alone. (EDIT: I WAS WRONG) #Dragon LWJ probably would be some kind of river dragon. Lesser god of a small stream. #One that grows bigger with time but always has the reputation of being benevolent and calm to those who seek its clear waters. #Do not pollute these waters or your ass is going to be bit. 1000 tiny puncture marks. #I imagine that's probably how wwx first meets him (accidently pours booze into lwj's river) (gets bit - gets bit - gets bit-) #WWX eventually befriends him through stubbornly showing up every week to give him offerings. #Takes him into town in a little pot of water to show him how the people live. Maybe go to a festival. #When the day is done and he's back in his river and alone - LWJ finally feels a new emotion...it is longing and loneliness.

[youngchronicpain]

You do not deserve the pain that you are in. I am sorry that you are hurting. I am hurting too. I wish things were different. But I am glad that we are not alone in this.

#chronic pain #words I wish would have been said to me when I was younger #because growing up with this much pain without knowing anyone around my age living with moderate-severe chronic pain was so freaking hard #so isolating and difficult #I didn't deserve it then and I don't deserve it now #but at least I am not alone in my experiences

[karkatting]

i like to thingk bro had an STRONG fucking texan accent in comparison to dirk so when dave met dirk and he spoke relatively normal it was so jarring for him

#txt #i still think dirk has the texan accent to an extent #but its not as strong #smth about growing up alone and being raised (presumably) by media #unless a!dave left voice recordings or something and dirk tried to mimic his manner of speaking #this is a whole different post in the tags sorry

[anglerflsh]

lonely games for lonely children

#[.art] #toh #the owl house #collector toh #the collector #they're a bit growing on me. Shared experience of being a young child and being very alone + the abandonment issues flaring up in ftf #this is a render of one of the last sketches i posted!

[yashley]

"Yeah, but we talked about it and I didn’t want it." "Why not?" "Because it scared me."

#critical role #ygifs #cr3 #fearne #she got me fucked up #her leaving her treasured cherished postcards at the altar of the raven queen where so many memories are left #leaving the one thing that had been her lifeline and her hope. the most important thing to her and she leaves them behind #because they weren't what she thought they were. #her innocence growing into sadness and that's the reason why she feared the dark versions of herself #because she was sad and angry and alone #this faun wearing her heart on her sleeve and running from what hurts her and it's just. ms johnson i'm #''do you think it’s the world changing you or do you think it’s you changing in the world?'' ''yes.'' girl i'm on my knees #I couldn't be more grateful fearne continued from exu this growth hurts so so so good I'd die for her #fearne angry? delicious. fearne sad? delicious. fearne tits? del- #fearne this episode you can really taste the If I'm Not Pleasing People It's My Fault When They Leave and it bit me

[firerubyjam]

I would do anything to change the way my brain works

#night thoughts #i am alone #i love you #poetry #i love her #deep thoughts #i love him #quotes #relationship #deep thots #love heals #healingjourney #growth #100 days to grow up #grow up #growing #mentally fucked #mentally tired #mental therapy

[anna-scribbles]

do you think émilie agreste knew, on the day she became too weak to leave that house, that she never would again

#having a normal one. don’t worry about it #just thinking about how she never escaped even in death etc etc #do you think she knew even as she pleaded with gabriel to give up on her that he never would. #that no one truly loved her enough to heed her warnings #that adrien was going to be left alone #what must it have been like for her to grow slower and weaker and quieter until she was as still as the bed d #do you think she knew she was becoming another fixture of that house #beautiful and immovable and silent #how long did gabriel have that coffin ready in the basement. how much time did he spend building it. did nathalie help. #did emilie know where they went in those long hours she laid there dying? that they intended to keep her there -always dying and never dead? #is that why she left videos? because she knew they’d build an altar for her haunting and she had to give her ghost a voice? #i think often about gabriel saying that emilie never wanted what she deserved #i think about gabriel and nathalie not letting her die. i think about ladybug not letting chat noir die. #circles and cycles ending up right back where you started #you know. having a normal one #anna rambles #emilie agreste #thirteen

[daily-crowley]

Crowley Of The Day: gorgeous 😍

(I used up all my hashtags that I couldn’t do my usual GO tags that I always do lol I don’t care)

#personal update #I got into Trolls #but I mean really really really into it #new fixation the brainrot is unstoppable #it’s all I think about I’m to the point that I need all Trolls content to survive #all Trolls content HAND IT OVER! merch fanart fics ALL OF IT #I’m so in love with Branch Floyd and John Dory #Rock Zombie Branch is sooooooo #and so I’d Rock Zombie Poppy #I AM THE NUMBER ONE JOHN FORY DEFENDER LEAVE HIM ALONE HE DID NOTHING WRONG AND DOESNT DEAERVE THE HATE HE GETS #I need what Broppy have oh my fucking god it’s so cute the love they have for each other it’s consuming me #and I need more of Branch and Clay those two rule following safety loving nerds would have such a great relationship #DID YOU SEE CLAY FAWNING OVER BRANCH WHEN THEY REUNITED SQUISHING HIS CHEEKS #THATS HIS BABY BROTHER AND HES AS CUTE NOW AS HE WAS WHEN HE WAS A BABY #AND THE ENDING WHEN HE TOLD HIM HE WAS SORRY FOR MISSING HIM GROW UP BUT COULDNT WAIT FOR THWM TO HANG OUT NOW #everyone focuses on Branch and Floyd but I NEED BRANCH AND CLAY #Speaking of Floyd I love him so much. he’s all I think about. that is if I’m not thinking of Branch #John Dory is everything to me? like I’m obsessed with him in a different way. like I said I’ll defend him every single time #BRUUUUUUUCE!!! 💞💞💞💞💞 #Trolls 3 is still in cinemas and I’ve literally been going to rewatch it once a week #no joke I’m going again this Wednesday #AND I HAVE THE FILM AT HOME! I have all 3 of them and I watch them every day #I’m telling you the brainrot is unstoppable I am going insane #People apparently don’t like when I talk about any other interest of mine especially Trolls #it’s like I’m almost not allowed to talk about anything other than Good Omens #so since people don’t like me doing permanent posts YOU’RE GETTING IT IN THE TAGS #okay I’m done…. for now. #Crowley #Crowley Of The Day #Good Omens

[asoftepiloguemylove]

hi! could you do a webweave on realizing that you are a combination of your parents' worst? thx! ♡⁠♡

the word "father" rotted in my mouth

i hope this is what you were looking for !! some of these just about parental failure and this is really long but i have a lot of posts about parents lol. i hope you're doing well <33

Ethel Cain Family Tree (Intro) / wych elm Susan Smith / @filmnoirsbian Do Not Reply / Mary Ruefle Woodtangle / Julia Jacklin Less of a Stranger / Halsey I Would Leave Me if I Could: A Collection of Poetry / Ocean Vuong On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous / The Front Bottoms Father / @filmnoirsbian / pinterest / Warsan Shire How to Wear your Mothers Lipstick / Smoke Signals (1998) dir. Chris Eyre / Ocean Vuong Someday I'll Love Ocean Vuong / pinterest / @extrasad

#on loneliness #on growing up #on being alone #on parents #on mothers #on fathers #tw blood #ethel cain #family tree #wych elm #susam smith #mary ruefle #woodtangle #julia jacklin #less of a stranger #halsey #i would leave me if i could #ocean vuong #on earth we're briefly gorgeous #the front bottoms #warsan shire #how to wear your mother's lipstick #smoke signals #someday i'll love ocean vuong #words #poem #spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #writing #dark academia

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Get Their Ass.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin ling #jin chan #Yeah that's right. This guy is a named character. All those nameless disciples in the yi city arc and *this* guy gets a name. #Jin ling finally gets his much needed outfit upgrade! Rest in peace double straps. #I adore how we get to keep learning about Jin Ling and peeling back the layers on him...It's also so sad to see him so alone and friendless #especially knowing he really was starting to build peer friendships in the yi city arc... #Jin ling really is one of my top 5 characters in MDZS and its absolutely in part because of how you can *see* how he ended up this way #and we watch him learn and grow! He's doing what most adults refuse to do: Consider that his opinions are skewed and need to change. #You are NOT immune to propaganda and I adore characters who reflect and struggle with that! #Just because someone with assumed authority says something that fits into what you want to be true does not make it true B*/ #In this series about rumours and warped perspectives - Jin Ling is a great example of how hard you have to work for the truth #+1 points of friendship with jin ling: He will self correct himself if he says a slur now

[oddly-casual]

Trolls Band Together Spoilers

(Clay and Bruce trying their best)

One thing I’ve been dying to talk about are the little ways Bruce and a lay take care of their other siblings and why.

It’s all in the little stuff! Like I am of the belief that Bruce and Clay are so close is because they could only really find solidarity in each other. Growing up no one liked how JD pushed them to be perfect, but Bruce and Clay were the only ones who felt pushed in a box, they were the only ones who got angry.

Floyd was always the peace maker and Branch was a baby so the only ones who understood their anger was each other.

Clay and Bruce always have each others backs, but I wanna talk about how they take care of baby Branch.

Like when Branch is listening to the broad cast with Velvet and Veeneer, Bruce notices Branch’s worry and turns off the radio. (Bruce also carried around Tiny bc he is a true dad.)

During the ‘It takes two’ song, Branch pulls out his blue prints and John Dory immediately pushes Branch out of the way to take control and you can see Clay and Bruce wince like they know it’s a bad idea before Clay pulls John away for the transition shot.

Not to mention Clay and Bruce seem so unironically excited to see Baby Branch that they side like JD, and I know that was probably because they’re still on weird terms with JD, but I don’t think their happiness to see BB was only for pettiness sake.

Maybe there’s some stuff I missed because I only saw the movie once and I looked down at some points to take notes so may haps I missed some back ground stuff but if there is please tell me!

#trolls spoilers #trolls band together #dreamworks trolls #I like calling Branch Baby Branch I’m sorry #trolls bruce #trolls clay #trolls Branch #trolls john dory #I Wanna go more into depth abt how JD became a parent child and how that affected his relationship with his brothers #BECAUSE ITS SO INTERESTING PLEASE #Like the concept of how these siblings grew apart but do deeply care for each other means so much #Floyd was probably the one who was there for Branch the most! #Bruce and Clay felt a bond bc they both were in happy! #JD felt alone because of his position and even tried to go back to see Branch and Rosiepuff only to think that they died!!! #Thats sick and twisted!!!! #They all still treat branch like a baby bc they never saw him grow up!!! #except for Floyd who’s the emotional intelligence of the brothers #and bruce only had smaller children so he doesn’t know how to take his baby brother growing up

[royaltea000]

if I had a nickel for every time some blonde guy inexplicably got a child I’d have two nickels but it’s strange that it happened twice

#kotaro lives alone #digital art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital illustration #kotaro lives alone is about adults who didn’t get enough parental love when they were children doing their best to make sure this kid never #grows up feeling the same as them and through him they learn how to love and feel again and I cannot stop crying ;_; #kotaro lives alone fanart #sato kotaro #karino #what is this dudes full name again lol? #the other duo is mob and reigen btw lol #also the amount of criminally offensive side eyes they give each other is so funny

[raayllum]

Yeah, you can face this You're on your own, kid You always have been

#ezranedit #tdpedit #tdp ezran #ezran #my edits #graphics #music #taylor swift #i always thought if i edited a solo ezran amv to anything it'd be 'uneven odds' #and i still think it might be but #maybe a trio amv to this song tbh #idk i think a lot about how Alone even within the trio ezran probably feels #he's king he can't up and leave without consequence whenever he wants #he's not part of the couple he's been picking up callum's pieces and running his kingdom #ez being lonely growing up as a kid. ezran being lonely growing up as a king #but also loving his family. and having his council and a support system #and eventually things will get easier #it'll just never be Childhood again in the same way