#gotten so far at explaining my feelings for him rn

[aerticent]

my love for Maven has evolved into something and no matter how hard i try i cannot put it into words and it’s driving me crazy

#i have a post talking about how his body is decaying from the inside out due to his soul rejecting his mother and that’s the closest i’ve #gotten so far at explaining my feelings for him rn #i’ve also stopped seeing him as this sad pitiful creature and am more so leaning towards he was a rage and resentment fillled creature and #his main ways of showing love went hand in hand with him putting Cal and Mare through the worst pains/horrors imaginable #he also is absolutely batshit like #bro is on the brink of madness the whole time it’s a wonder he never fully falls through #bet u money if he had been successful in killing Mare or Cal he would’ve fully lost it #cause like now what #this whole war and the two ppl he hates/loves the most r dead and it’s his fault #idk what i’m talking about #he got me feeling like #[CAR CRASH] [GLASS SHATTERING] GOOD LORD! [GENERAL COMMOTION] [BABY CRYING] WAAAAH WAAAAH [YELLING] [POLICE SIRENS] WEEWOO WEEWOO #he still is sad and pitiful but he’s also a rage filled monster who was given too much power without enough guidance #just running on hatred and whatever fucked up version of love he knows of #the closest he got to truly not gaf about literally anyone or anything was his reaction to Elara’s death #did all that running on nothing but anger and hatred almost killed Cal he was so enraged #does this make any sense? #he’s still baby girl sunshine loml 🔛🔝 tuck him into bed and read him bed time stories little angel

[smileysuh]

real talk

🌙 starring. Mark Lee x afab!Reader

🔮 preview.“You’re Jeno’s roommate, Jeno’s my friend- I know we’ve just met, but I know things about you.” Hyuck explains. “When you were with your last girl, Jeno used to come to the bar and bitch about you never coming out- he’s been wanting you to meet the rest of the boys for a while, but never wanted to invite us over cuz your last girlfriend had some supernatural cootchie-grip hold on you or something- point is, I know you’re a serial monogamist. Two long-term girlfriends. You like the domestic shit, and I get that- but if you want domestic, it’s not our little Miss Sunshine expo girl. She can’t even sleep next to guys she’s fucked- wakes up at five am, and dips out without a word. Trust me on this, dude, you wanna stay far away from that man-eater.”

tw/cw. Unprotected sex, multiple sex scenes, reader has a hard time cumming, oral (f/m receiving), Mark is a MUNCH, deep throating, fingering, masturbation, use of toys/vibrator, dirty talk, praise, Mark is a simp, sex realism, overthinking during sex, mentions of sexual favours in return for affection, a string of bad ex-lovers, breast worship, creampies, aftercare, finger sucking, drunkenness, etc… I pet names: (hers) sunshine. (his) puppy boy.

👹 rating.18+ explicit I wc. 19.4k

🍭 aus. Restaurant au, line chef!Mark, slow burn, coworkers to lovers, fuck girl who looks like sunshine meets a serial monogamist who looks like a fuckboy, etc…

☀️ mlist + an. I wanted to touch on some realism to kick off the year. Not everything is as easy during sex as it appears in fanfic/p*rn, so I wanted to make something that might be more true to the real experience of afabs who overthink and need extra help to cum- I hope maybe this fic can normalize girls who need some extra machine power to get off ;)

One:

Mark has only been working at his new restaurant for two weeks, but he’s already fallen in love with the place. Morning shifts have been good for him.  With the help of his favorite expo girl - who always takes the time to explain small details and things he’s been messing up on - he’s already gotten used to the menu. Every day feels better and better.

“This tuna is looking so good, Mark,” you grin, inspecting the plate. 

When he’d first been hired, the fish he’d cut had come out mangled, but after talking him through it, you’d both realized it had been a knife issue. Sharpening his blade had led to Mark perfecting his slices, and now, he eagerly awaits your praises when he puts his food up in the expo window. 

Mark’s eyes follow you as you dart off toward the bar, the plate of tuna balanced perfectly in your hand. The new chef can’t help the smile that works its way onto his lips, and he leans forward, hand flat on the cutting board station in front of him.

“This tuna is looking so good, Mark,” Hyuck’s annoying voice snaps him out of his trance, and Mark turns to look at the man next to him. “God, can you two make it any more obvious that you’re into each other?”

“She’s just doing her job,” Mark assures the other line chef, but he can feel his skin heating at the idea.

“Sure she is. But she doesn’t compliment my cooking as much as she does yours.” Hyuck crosses his arms over his chest, letting out a sigh as his gaze shifts to the view through the expo line. You’re at the bar now, chatting with the man who you’ve just served. However, you’re taking longer than normal, and you’re smiling a lot too.

“No fucking way,” Hyuck breathes, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes. “That guy is hitting on her.”

“Is he?” Mark also dips his head toward the expo window, eager for a look.

“Yeah, mans just slipped her his number,” Hyuck laughs. “That’s our little Sunshine though, isn’t it? This restaurant is her playground.”

“What do you mean?” Mark asks.

“Just that she’s quite popular,” Hyuck brushes it off as you approach the expo line again. “Did you get a number, sweet thing?”

“Why, you jealous?” You grin, holding up the slip of paper with digits on it. 

“You wish,” Hyuck scoffs, but Mark gets the feeling there’s something else going on between the two of you, something unspoken. He’s still getting used to the dynamic of the restaurant, and in work spaces like this, relationships aren’t uncommon. He wonders what history you have with Hyuck, wonders what chance he has with you- wonders if it’s even a good idea.

Two

“Luna never runs her own food,” Sumi notes, standing with you by the entrance to the restaurant while you watch the tall waitress lean against the expo window. “I know that our new chef is cute, but, damn.”

“She can do what she wants,” you laugh, wiping down menus. “Makes my job easier.”

“You know, it’s kind of felt like you and Mark have some sort of understanding,” Sumi grins, moving close enough that your hips touch by the host station. “He watches you a lot.”

“Does he?” Your gaze moves back to the expo line.

“Uh huh, almost as much as Hyuck does- which, by the way, you sure did a number on him.”

“Hyuck will get over it, he’s a fuck boy,” you wave your hand. “I’m great at attracting that kind of guy.”

“Do you get fuck boy vibes from Mark?” Sumi wonders, tapping her pen against the top of her Ipad thoughtfully.

“He’s definitely cute enough to be a womanizer, don’t you think?”

“Key word being cute,” Sumi points out. “I don’t know, he doesn't give me fuck boy vibes like the other line chefs do.”

“Well, he’s roommates with Jeno, isn’t he?” Your eyes move to the bar. Jeno’s a night bartender, but his close friend, Renjun is working today. “Jeno’s a fuck boy, he got Hyuck and Jaemin jobs here. They’re both fuck boys. It would make sense if Mark was that kind of guy too.”

“I’m still not convinced,” Sumi states, crossing an arm over her chest. “Speaking of men though- whatever happened to that guy who gave you his number the other day? Are you actually considering a date with him?”

“I already had a date with him,” you admit. 

“Yikes, from the way you haven’t mentioned it at all, I’d guess it didn’t go so well?”

“Meh,” you shrug your shoulders. “He won’t be getting a second date.”

“How many first dates have you been on this year?” Sumi asks. “Didn’t you say it was like… a lot?”

“Too many to count,” you giggle. 

“So what’s the deal with that? Like- what’s your type? I know you were seeing Hyuck for a little while, how come that didn’t work?”

“It just didn’t,” you say, looking down at the menus you’ve wiped clean. “I try not to think about my failures too much.”

“Really? But you could learn so much from them,” Sumi frowns. “I mean- look at me and Doyoung. I was never into the more serious types, always went for fuck boys and younger guys- but after some soul searching, I realized I needed someone older who had their shit together.”

“You also have a thing for guys in powerful positions, and Doyoung is literally one of our managers,” you point out.

“Well, I’m still a work in progress,” Sumi winks. “Anyways- think about it. If you look at your dating patterns, you might be surprised by what you find.”

Three

There’s nothing like the air outside after being in a hot kitchen for a few hours. The lunch rush is finally over, and after having a 20 top that ordered an insane amount of food with an even crazier amount of modifications and allergies, Mark is ready to take a massive puff from his vape pen.

He stands by the back exit to the restaurant, looking out at the cars on the street as he takes a long drag. As he inhales, the door behind Mark opens, and he turns to come face-to-face with you.

The shock of seeing you makes him choke a little, and he begins to cough out a large puff of smoke. Mark’s lungs burn, and his skin feels even hotter, enflamed by the embarrassment of you seeing him take a crappy hit when in reality, he’s a vaping veteran. 

“You good?” you ask, reaching out and gently rubbing his back as you step past him.

“Yeah, I, uh-” Mark’s entire body tingles at the physical contact. “Sorry, you just surprised me.”

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” you grin, stopping in front of him. He notices the way your eyes go to his vape pen, and he immediately holds it out to you.

“Want some?”

“I mean, if you’re offering.” You reach out and accept the sleek black vape. “What’s the flavor?”

“Uh… cotton candy?” God, Mark feels like a fool, especially when you raise a brow at him. “I have a bit of a sweet tooth.”

“Didn’t peg you as a sweet tooth type,” you grin, bringing the refillable device to your lips. Mark watches you take a drag, focusing on your mouth and the way you look sucking on something- he starts to imagine what you’d look like sucking on something else, something substantially bigger. 

As you exhale, you cough a little, and Mark wonders if you’re doing that to make him feel better about his screw-up a moment ago- or maybe you simply don’t vape often, he’s not too sure. 

“Thanks,” you say, still coughing as you hand the vape back to Mark. Your fingers brush gently as he accepts it from you, and as Mark brings the device to his mouth, he’s extremely aware of the fact that your lips had just been where his now are. 

He wonders if it means anything that you’d be so willing to swap spit like this, even on something as innocent as a vape pen. 

“How long are you here till?” you ask, breaking him from his daze. 

“Started at seven am, eight-hour shift, should be off around three when the night cross-over guys come in,” Mark explains. 

“Any fun plans for tonight?” you continue to press. “It is a Friday after all.”

“No plans, will probably just go home, make some food, and watch Netflix all night… what about you?”

You sigh. “No hot dates, unfortunately. Will probably do the same as you. Do you have any good show recommendations? I’ve been looking for something new.”

“I mean, it depends, what are you into?” Mark asks, eager to hear more about your tastes, your likes and dislikes- he knows so little about you, mostly things related to work. He’s curious about what you do in your downtime, and he’s grateful he has an opportunity like this to get to know you even a little bit better.

As you part your lips to respond, the back door swings open, and Hyuck steps out, already mid-puff of his neon orange vape. 

“Oh,” the line chef grins, exhaling through his nose and flashing a grin, “Am I interrupting something?”

“No,” you respond quickly, and Mark notes the shift in your energy, “I was just leaving actually.”

“See you later,” Mark offers, watching you hurry off. 

“Classic her,” Hyuck sighs, coming to stand next to Mark.

“What do you mean?”

“She’s a runner, that one,” Hyuck takes another puff from his vape.

“So you two definitely used to date,” Mark states. The interaction he’s just witnessed verifies his suspicion, and since they’re technically outside of work/the kitchen, Mark feels able to actually discuss this now.

“I don’t know if I’d call it dating,” Hyuck cocks his head to the side, eyes still fixed on you where you’re crossing the street a couple hundred feet away. “Look, do you want real talk? You wanna know about your favorite expo girl?”

“Yeah, I wanna know.” Mark lifts his vape to his lips, readying himself for whatever is about to come out of Hyuck’s mouth.

“I know she looks like sugar and sunshine, but I hate to burst your bubble Mark- she’s a bit of a fuck girl, that one.” 

“It takes one to know one,” Mark points out.

“Touche, but to be fair, I never claimed to be anything other than a guy who likes pussy, and little miss sunshine knew that when we started hooking up a few months ago.” Hyuck lets out another large puff of smoke into the air. “Look, I said I’d give you real talk so here it is. She’s got a lot of expectations. Girl reads those horny romance books-”

“Erotica.”

“Yeah, that’s it, erotica.” Hyuck nods to himself. “Well, she reads erotica, and her ideas about fucking are kind of hard to make real. She’s too in her head all of the time. Apparently - and don’t repeat this anywhere - but apparently no guy she’s fucked has ever made her actually cum. She has this thing where someone told her that if a guy doesn’t make you cum, he doesn’t add to your body count, so allegedly her body count is zero and she’s a virgin, but we both know it’s a lot higher than that.” 

“The whole body count thing doesn’t phase me,” Mark says quietly, although the wheels in his head are spinning.

“Sure it doesn’t,” Hyuck scoffs. “Just listen, if you’re into her, it’s not going to work out. She’s not for beginners like you.”

“Beginners like me?” Mark side eyes the line chef.

“You’re Jeno’s roommate, Jeno’s my friend- I know we’ve just met, but I know things about you.” Hyuck explains. “When you were with your last girl, Jeno used to come to the bar and bitch about you never coming out- he’s been wanting you to meet the rest of the boys for a while, but never wanted to invite us over cuz your last girlfriend had some supernatural cootchie-grip hold on you or something- point is, I know you’re a serial monogamist. Two long-term girlfriends. You like the domestic shit, and I get that- but if you want domestic, it’s not our little Miss Sunshine expo girl. She can’t even sleep next to guys she’s fucked- wakes up at five am, and dips out without a word. Trust me on this, dude, you wanna stay far away from that man-eater.”

Four

“Mark?” you ask, looking at the takeout bowl in front of you.

“Yeah?” he leans forward, lips parting as he waits for your judgment.

“Didn’t they order the spicy yogurt on the side?” You push the rice bowl forward, pointing at the lines of orange tinted cream that cover the veggies. 

“Shit,” Mark cusses, grabbing the chit-paper receipt and scanning it. “There were like, three other modifications, I didn’t even see the yogurt on the side.”

“It’s okay,” you assure him. “It’s takeout, and there’s pretty much no one in the restaurant, so you have time to make another… besides, I’ll just take this one as my lunch.”

One of the perks of the job is getting to take home the food that’s not correct. You’d been dreading going to the grocery store, your fridge empty of easy meals, but now you don’t have to make the trek, and you’re more than happy about it.

“You know, Mark, you’re my favorite new chef.” He’s also the only new chef, and you’ve been reaping the rewards of minor fuck ups the past two weeks. 

Mark, however, doesn’t seem to note your teasing, and he offers you a genuine smile. “You’re my favorite expo girl.”

“Yeah?” you grin. “And why’s that?”

“You’re really nice about things I mess up,” Mark’s eyes shift to the dragon bowl you’re packing up. “Like, you point things out, and you turn them good. As you said, it’s an easy fix, I have the time, and now you get to eat that.” 

“It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement, that’s for sure,” you laugh. 

“You’re also pretty happy most days, always makes me happy to come in and see our Little Miss Sunshine.” 

“Jeeze, not you calling me that pet-name too,” you roll your eyes. Hyuck had taken to calling you that a few months ago, and somehow the title had stuck. Mark was the only chef using your real name, but it looks like those days might already be behind you.

“It fits,” Mark assures you. “I think it’s cute.”

“Does it fit because I’m cute?” 

You notice the way Mark immediately swallows thickly, his skin turning a pretty shade of pink. “Uh- I mean, yeah,” his voice cracks, and he fiddles with his sleeves, pushing them up to his elbows, “you’re cute-”

“Oh my God-” you stare at his forearms, which are usually covered by his chef coat. “Have you always had all those tattoos?!”

“Did you really never notice these?” Mark looks down at his arms, lifting them so you can see the details.

“I have never noticed them,” you confirm, leaning forward. “Damn, how many tattoos do you have?!”

“A lot?” Mark’s tattoos are patchwork style, all black. They litter his forearms, and you wonder how high up the markings go- you wonder if his chest is covered, or his back- what about his legs?

“I need a tattoo tour,” you insist.

“I mean… I can’t show you all of them-” Mark says sheepishly. 

“Start with that one,” you point at a tattoo of three letters near his inner elbow, “What’s SSG mean?”

“So uh- the first restaurant I worked in, a few of us dishwashers worked our way into the kitchen with no formal training or anything- just started at the bottom, and went up from there. One of us came up with the idea of being the Soapy Suds Gang, like- dishwashers to chefs. Was at that restaurant from the age of fifteen to twenty, and when it closed down cuz the owners just didn’t wanna be in the business anymore, me and all the others got the matching SSG tattoo.”

Mark is adorable. Like, shockingly so. It’s such a stupid yet endearing story- and for some reason, it feels so on-brand for Mark. 

He begins to tell you about a few other tattoos. There’s a shotgun to commemorate his years playing Call of Duty online with friends. A cartoon puppy because apparently his mom never let him get a dog - something about him not being able to handle it if the dog ever died - so when he turned eighteen, he got a dog that could never bite the bullet, etched into his skin with black ink. 

All the marks have meaning, stories that make up the groundwork of Mark’s life. 

“What about that one?” you ask, noting a King of Hearts tattoo that he’d skipped over.

“Oh, uh…” Mark rubs the back of his neck shyly. “My ex-girlfriend wanted a Queen of Hearts tattoo, so I got this one, and… I mean, I don’t regret it, I was with the girl for three years- but, it’s not a tattoo I talk about too often.”

“Three years?” you ask in shock. “You were with your last girlfriend for three years?”

“Why do you sound so shocked?”

“It’s just- I mean,” you lick your lips, leaning in so Mark’s the only one who can hear you, “I hate to say it, Mark, but you look like a total fuck boy.”

“I’m really not,” Mark admits. 

“Even before your last ex?”

“Even before,” the line chef confirms. “I’ve got two ex-girlfriends. The last one ended about a year ago, dated her from age twenty-two to twenty-five. Had a girlfriend from when I was sixteen to twenty-one-”

“So a three-year relationship and a five-year relationship?” 

This gossip keeps getting juicier and juicier. 

“Yeah. The first one moved to another country to teach English, and I’ve never been that into long distance. We tried to make it work, but we agreed the best thing was to let each other go. Then the last girl decided she wanted more from life than some line chef so…” Mark trails off and you feel your heart hurt for him. “Anyways, what about you? How many relationships have you had?”

“A lot more than you,” you answer quickly, although, that’s only if you count one-night stands, flings, and situationships, but you won’t go into those details with Mark right now. “I mean… are you looking for anything right now?”

“What do you mean?” Mark cocks his head to the side.

“You didn’t hear it from me, but… a few of the waitresses are into you,” you whisper.

“Really?” he looks past you at the restaurant, and you see him trail Luna with his eyes. “That’s nice and everything, but waitresses really aren’t my type.”

“Then what’s your type?”

“Expo girls.” 

His words hit you in your chest, and you can feel your pulse quicken immediately.

“I mean-” Mark’s skin has returned to that pretty pink colour. “My first girlfriend- the five-year one, she was the expo girl when I met her- we got close cuz we spent so much time together. I didn’t mean you- I wasn’t trying to hit on you or anything- not that I don’t think you’re cute, cuz you’re definitely cute- fuck.”

You watch him, smiling and completely amused. It appears you’d read the new line chef all wrong. He’s not a fuck boy, he’s a lover boy, and you kind of adore that about him.

“I should uh- I need to remake this dragon bowl-” Mark turns away from you, and you watch him scurry off to the fridge to grab vegetables. 

You’re kind of hoping to tease him so more when he returns, but before he does, Doyoung appears from the back, and he waves you over. “It’s been dead for half an hour,” your manager notes, “you’re cut. Head home, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Five

Mark hasn’t been able to stop thinking about your conversation. All night, he’d had you on his mind- and he’d kind of been hoping to get to talk to you today, but you have the day shift and this is one of his first nights scheduled.

Even so, Mark arrives to work thirty minutes early just on the off chance he’ll catch you, and as he’s waiting outside the backdoor, hitting his vape, his hopes come true.

You step out of the back of the restaurant, looking down at your phone. The jacket you’re wearing today is vibrant in contrast to your all-black uniform, and the comfy sneakers you always put on after your shift in flats are beginning to look a little worn out now that winter is almost over. 

“Hi,” Mark says, drawing your attention.

“Oh,” you put your phone into your pocket, offering him a smile. “Hey- you just starting?”

“In ten minutes or so,” the line chef nods. “I uh- I wanted to apologize for yesterday.”

“Apologize for what?” You cock your head to the side. 

“All of it?” Mark suggests.

You laugh, and the sound does things to Mark that he’ll never be able to express. “Seriously, we’re all good,” you assure him. “I think you’re pretty cute too, so, don’t worry about any of it.”

Mark’s mouth feels dry, and it’s not just from the vaping. He fiddles with the device in his hand, working up the courage to say what’s on his mind. “I was wondering- I mean, it sounds like you’re still on the market and all- so I was thinking, maybe, if you’d like- maybe we can go out sometime, or something- but no pressure.”

Your smile widens, and you step closer to him. “What would going out with you look like?”

“Honestly…” Mark swallows thickly, “it would look more like staying in. Since we both work in a restaurant- or maybe it’s just a ‘me thing’, but I’m not super into drinks as a first date, or even food- I’m a bit of a homebody. I’d love for you to just come over, watch some netflix, talk- that sort of shit.”

You look him up and down, and Mark’s body tenses as he waits for your response.

“That actually sounds pretty nice,” you admit. “Here, give me your hand.”

Mark holds out his palm, watching you pull out a Sharpie from your pocket. You write your phone number across his skin. “Careful,” you say, as you draw the last digit, “Don’t wash this off or anything.”

“I won’t,” he assures you, already planning on taking a picture of it with his phone just in case. 

“I should get going, but yeah- text me when your shift is over and we can figure something out.” 

“You got it,” Mark grins, unable to hold in his excitement any longer. “Have a good night.”

“You too.” 

With one final exchange of eye contact that makes Mark’s heart lurch in his chest, you walk off, the line chef’s eyes following you all the way out of sight. 

As he turns to head inside, Mark bumps into Hyuck. “Don’t go in just yet,” Hyuck insists, “stay out here and vape with me for a minute.”

It’s hard for Mark to focus on anything Hyuck is saying about the afternoon rush, but he manages to nod and make sounds of affirmation while his coworker rants about some party of fifteen that walked in and only ordered appetizers. 

“Mark, you’re not paying attention,” Hyuck sighs.

“Sorry, I’m just kind of-” Mark swallows the lump in his throat, “yeah, I’m distracted.”

“Got a hot date?”

“What?” Mark looks up.

“Someone wrote their digits on your hand,” Hyuck grabs at Mark’s wrist, “let’s see-”

Mark tries his best to pull away, but Hyuck’s already assessing the phone number. After a moment, the younger man lets go, his mouth forming a firm line. “I warned you about her.”

Mark’s surprised that Hyuck - who has the memory of a goldfish most days - clearly recognizes your phone number. 

“I told you she’s not for beginners.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t have to listen to you,” Mark insists. “And not everything is about fucking. She’s gonna come over, we’re gonna watch movies- nothing has to happen. I just want to know her better.”

“Lover boy,” Hyuck scoffs, “she’s going to eat you up, and spit you back out.”

“And if she does, then that’s my choice,” Mark says firmly. “I know she fucked you over or whatever, but that doesn’t mean anything to me, Hyuck. I’m sorry, but I really don’t care about what happened between the two of you.”

“Ouch, dude.”

“If she’s as bad as you say, then you can say you told me so when this is all over. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Six

“So this is Jeno’s famous fuck pad,” you tease, stepping into Mark’s apartment and looking around. 

“Uh, he doesn’t actually bring girls here that often,” Mark says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “He likes to go to their place, makes it easier to run than kicking a girl out the next morning, you know?”

“I suppose that makes sense,” you nod… you usually fuck guys in their homes for the same reason. “It’s a nice place.”

“Thanks, my ex had a lot to do with the decor and shit.” Now that Mark mentions it, the vibe definitely doesn’t scream ‘boy’, and it especially doesn't scream ‘home of a line chef and bartender.’ 

The cream-colored couch in the living room has pretty sage pillows, there’s a tasteful rug under a circular coffee table. On the table are three candles varying in size, as well as a design book that you’d bet has never been opened or looked at in detail by the men who live here.

It’s a comfortable home, but you wonder what it feels like for Mark to live in a space that constantly reminds him of an ex who ditched him for not having his own shit together.

“I didn’t realize Jeno was a tidy guy,” you note, thinking back to the line of dirty cups he always allows to build up in the bar dish area. 

“He’s not, but I am.” Mark enters the living room, and he takes a seat on the couch, kicking his legs up onto a small puff stool next to the coffee table. “I guess when you work on the line, you’re used to doing little clean-up jobs to keep everything smooth. I don’t mind moving two or three beer cans to the sink every day if it means there aren’t any piles building.” 

So he’s a sexy line chef, with tattoos, who likes long-term relationships, and also cleans up his home? Mark really is a catch amongst flounders.

“Are you going to come sit?” Mark asks, noting the way you stand at the edge of the room. “Or, shit, should I offer you a drink first? We’ve got beer, or I could make you a cocktail or something-”

“I’m good, just… getting used to this.” 

It feels kind of odd to be with Mark in a casual setting. You’ve only ever seen him in a professional manner, with an expo station between you both- now, Mark is right in front of you, and as you sit on the couch next to him, you’re hyper-aware of the way your thighs almost touch.

“So… Netflix?” you ask.

“Yeah,” Mark grabs the remote, the sleeve of his hoodie pushed up so you can see his forearms. 

“You still haven’t given me a full tattoo tour,” you tease, reaching out to gently trace the puppy etched against his skin.

“Maybe that’s a date number two sort of thing,” Mark suggests, tugging the fabric down to cover his skin.

Your grin widens. “Do I make you nervous, puppy boy?” 

“Definitely,” he lets out a shy laugh, and you watch his Adam’s apple bob with the effort of swallowing. “So uh… what do you wanna watch?”

You let out a sigh, relaxing back against the couch. “Surprise me.”

“Well, there’s this anime I’ve been wanting to get into-” Mark finds the show in his ‘to watch’ list.

“Let's do it.”

“Really? You’re down?”

“Uh huh, I’m not that picky,” you nod, offering him a smile.

“It can be…” he starts the first episode, “like- if you wanna keep doing this sort of thing, it could be our show.”

“That actually sounds nice,” you admit. You suppose it shouldn’t be a shock that Mark is thinking long term- you do work together after all, but when you’d been seeing Hyuck, every day was a question of longevity. Would he call? Would he not call?

Hyuck never talked in definitives. He never made promises. The only true thing you could count on was seeing him at work three of five days of the week when your schedules aligned, and he never locked himself in for any more than that. 

“Should I-” Mark licks his lips, “I mean, finding a show was way easier than I thought it would be. Do you want a drink? I’ve got chips?”

“I’m okay, but if you want something, you should grab it.”

“I’m good if you’re good,” Mark mutters, leaning back against the couch. Your shoulders are touching, and you’re already finding it difficult to focus on the tv screen as the anime begins to play.

You’re aware of each breath, each slight shift of Mark’s body. “Are you comfortable?” he asks after a short while.

“I mean, we could probably find a more comfortable position than this one,” you note. 

“Like… do you wanna cuddle?”

“If you want to, I’d be up for that.”

“Okay, one sec,” Mark turns, grabbing at the back cushion of the couch. He tosses it to the side. “I can big spoon you.”

In under a minute, Mark is settling behind you, pillows are adjusted, and a gentle hand finds your hip. You wiggle slightly, trying to get snug against the line chef’s chest. 

“Is this good?” he asks, his breath ghosting by your ear.

“It’s nice, but let me just…” you grab his hand, threading your fingers and bringing it up to your chest, so you’re truly wrapped in his embrace. You can feel his heart against your spine, and you can hear the way his breath catches. “That’s better,” you let out a sigh of relief. 

The anime is fun, but you’re much too focused on Mark. Something tells you he’s quite focused on you as well, and finally, your patience snaps. You roll onto your back, looking up at him.

“You good?” he prompts.

“Uh huh. Just thinking.”

“About?”

You shrug. “I guess maybe I’m just wondering what work is going to be like tomorrow.”

“Hopefully busy.”

You laugh at how innocent Mark can be. “I mean in terms of cuddling with you tonight, then working together in the morning.”

“I mean… how was it with Hyuck when you two were seeing each other?” 

Your heart clenches. “Oh… he uh… he told you about that, huh?”

“Mentioned it once or twice.”

“All good things, I hope?”

“For the most part,” Mark nods. “But just so you know- I don’t take everything Hyuck says seriously. You two had something going on, but every relationship is different. I’m sure you have your own side to the story. I know you’re a good person - that’s what my heart tells me at least - so that’s what I’m going off of.”

You stare up at the line chef. The man you’d pegged as a fuck boy, who is turning out to be the farthest thing from a womanizer that you’ve ever met.

You can’t help but reach up and cup his face. There aren’t words that come to mind, but you hope your expression shows your gratitude for his kindness.

Mark’s gaze dips to your mouth, and you watch the way he sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, gnawing on his slightly. “So no pressure or anything,” he says, voice cracking, “but uh… can I kiss you?”

“You can kiss me,” you confirm, staying still and waiting for the precious man to make his move. Part of you is scared to take control- you’re worried about scaring Mark off, like you’d scare off a wild bird with one wrong muscle twitch. 

You’re still cupping his face, and Mark mirrors the act, gently cupping your cheek. He looks down at you, searching your eyes for a moment. You wonder if he’s looking for any hesitation, any sign that you regret your affirmative answer. Then he looks at your lips, and you can see some of the tension leave his body.

In fact, you see the exact moment Mark decides to give in to his desires. His lips part ever so slightly, his brown eyes shyly meeting your own as he begins to move in closer-

As his mouth presses to your own, you realize this might be the softest kiss a man has ever bestowed upon you. He’s not trying to shove his tongue down your throat- not biting at your lip and asking for entrance. It’s a simple brush of lips on lips, and it leaves you wanting more.

Your hand finds the back of his neck, and you drag him closer, letting out a small mewl. You capture his bottom lip between your own, suckling on it gently-

Mark pulls away, and your eyes open. You’re disappointed, but when you notice Mark breathing heavily, your annoyance dissipates.

“Was that okay?” you ask, worrying that maybe you’d been going too fast for the soft man.

“Yeah- better than okay,” he assures you. 

“Can we… can you kiss me again?”

“Uh huh,” he nods, leaning back down to press his lips against your own. His hand finds your hip, and you play with the hair at the nape of his neck. The kiss is just as gentle as the first, but the passion begins to burn brighter with each passing second.

No one has ever kissed you like this.

You can’t explain it- but in a matter of moments, your attraction to Mark has grown tenfold. 

When he breaks away from you for a second time, you’re both breathing heavily. You open your eyes to stare up at the pretty line chef, watching him swallow thickly.

 “Should we uh… should we keep paying attention to the show?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you say after a moment’s hesitation. “Yeah, we should.” You roll onto your side again, and Mark settles against your back. He tucks you closer, his fingers threading through yours. 

It’s impossible to focus now, and you begin to wiggle slightly, pressing your ass back against the front of his jeans.

“Are you uncomfortable?” Mark asks, letting go of your hand to grab your hip, steadying you.

“I’m fine- I’m just…” - unbelievably horny - “you’re a good kisser.”

He lets out a small laugh. “Thanks. I liked kissing you too.”

“So…” you look over your shoulder at him, “wanna kiss me again?”

Mark grins, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to your lips.

As with the first two times, Mark pulls away much too fast for your liking.

Your head is spinning. You’ve never experienced a situation like this. Mark is being respectful- he’s keeping his hands in PG locations, and the kisses have involved zero tongue- does he not like you as much as you like him?

How much do you like this line chef?

Do you like him because he’s not completely fawning over you like you’re used to?

What is going on?!

“I just want you to know,” Mark says, “it sounds like you’re used to fuck boys and shit, and I uh- well, I’m not like them. There’s no pressure to get naked or anything today-” his voice hitches, “in fact, Jeno will be home soonish so it’s better if we don’t-”

“You don’t want to fuck me?”

Mark tenses behind you. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“If we move to your room, Jeno won’t walk in on us.”

“It’s not about that,” Mark assures you. “Look, I want to take my time with you. This is our first date. I want things to feel right. I want to do this right. Can you understand that?”

You think maybe you’re too horny to want to understand it. 

You want to tear Mark’s clothes off. You want to push him down and ride him until he’s gasping your name and filling you with his cum. You want to feel him still dripping out of you when you go into work tomorrow morning- 

No one has ever made you wait. You’re much too impatient for playing around- and your past lovers have been the same way. 

Even so, you respect the boundary Mark has just expressed. “No fucking tonight,” you agree, “I get that. It’s for the better.”

However, it’s not for the better of your throbbing pussy. 

Seven

God, Mark can’t take his eyes off of you. It’s been two hours since you arrived on shift, and Mark has been distracted for all of it.

You look adorable today. Your black outfit hugs your body just right, and Mark’s mind is consistently wandering to last night, when his hands had traced your hips before lacing your fingers-

When you speak, he finds his focus shifting to your lips- those pretty lips he’d kissed. The lips that had left him wanting more- the lips he’d thought about for hours after you’d gone home. He’d dreamt of kissing you, but it had fallen quite short to the real thing.

You’d sounded hurt when Mark had said you shouldn’t fuck last night, and part of Mark regrets drawing the line in the sand. But on the other hand, Mark had meant it when he said it wasn’t the right time. 

He doesn’t want to bed you after watching a few episodes of anime. You deserve so much more than that. 

Besides, if he had fucked you last night, Mark might have needed to take a sick day just to calm down. Even now, knowing he’s tasted your lips has his skin heating every time he looks at you. 

God, you’ve got him practically bewitched.

As the lunch rush comes to an end, Mark finds time to go outside and vape. He watches the cars pass while he puffs on his device, closing his eyes and imagining your lips.

As his little break is coming to an end, the door hinges squeak behind him, and Mark turns to find you standing there. 

“Oh, hi,” you grin. 

“Hey.” He looks you up and down. “You leaving?”

“Doyoung cut me again, it’s been slow this week,” you nod. 

Mark swallows thickly. He can’t help the way his gaze dips to your lips again.

You step forward, smiling. “You wanna kiss me again, don’t cha, Mark?”

He doesn’t even bother responding. He slips his vape into his pocket, grabbing your hips to tug you closer. As he brings his mouth down to yours, he pauses for a second, meeting your gaze. If you want to pull away, he gives you ample time, but instead, you wrap your arms around the back of his neck, closing the distance between your lips.

You take more control today than last night. You lick at his lower lip, not doing too much tongue, but providing just enough that it has Mark’s skin tingling with need. His fingers dig against your hips, pulling you tighter. 

The kiss deepens, and Mark’s entire heart lurches in his chest when you let out a pleased mewling sound.

Fuck, he loves your sounds already- you sound so fucking pretty-

“Jesus.” Head Chef John’s voice makes Mark practically jump, and he tears his lips away from your own, eyes immediately finding his boss, who’s standing by the exit door. “Damn, newbie, you work fast, don’t you?”

Mark’s skin feels like it’s on fire, and he’s quick to let go of your hips, stepping away and running an awkward hand through his hair, “Chef-”

“Don’t tease him, Johnny,” you sigh. “You nearly gave Mark a heart attack sneaking up on us like that.”

“I’m shocked neither of you heard the door.”

“We were busy!” you insist, raising your voice in jest at the head chef.

Mark is shocked at the way you talk so easily with his boss. But he supposes you’ve been at the restaurant for over a year- maybe you’re closer with the tall head chef than Mark realized.

“Look, I’ll say what I said when Hyuck was trying to get with you, sunshine,” Johnny grins, reaching into his pocket to pull out a jacked-up vape pen. “As long as you use protection we’re good, I can’t have my line chefs becoming fathers and taking time off.”

“And I’ll say what I said last time you told me to wrap it: never gonna happen.” 

“IUD’s aren’t a hundred percent viable,” Johnny points out, making Mark nearly choke on air.

“Mine has been so far, so stick it old man.” You turn to Mark, “Don’t mind him, he’s protective.”

“I was protective with Hyuck, because he’s a douchebag, but Mark seems okay,” Johnny laughs. 

“Thanks?” Mark can’t believe what he’s hearing. 

“Listen, I’ll text you okay?” You grab the front of Mark’s apron, pulling him in so you can press a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Have a good rest of your shift.”

Mark watches you dart off. He’s tongue-tied, skin still flaring, heart racing in his chest.

“She’s a good one,” Johnny muses. “Best expo girl we have. Don’t fuck it up, Mark, I’ll fire you before we get rid of her.”

“Trust me,” Mark coughs, “I wasn’t planning on fucking things up any time soon.”

Eight

In the year you’ve had your solo apartment, you’ve not had any guys over. Your MO is to go to the man’s place so you can dip out whenever you get anxious or tired. Inviting a man over to your safe space woman sanctuary is new. The nervousness is manifesting physically; you’re fussing over the overswept floor and the frill on your couch blanket when Mark texts you that he’s arrived. 

With one final breath, you head down to the lobby to let Mark in.

He’s in blue jeans and a black hoodie that sets off the blonde tone of his hair. You’ve been meaning to ask him about who does his bleach out, but you know men can be touchy about their physical appearance and certain body modifications, so you’ve been holding yourself back.

He looks good. That’s all that really matters. 

“Hey,” Mark grins as you open the door, pulling you into a hug. 

“Hey, yourself,” you smile back, pulling away from the embrace to lead Mark to the elevator. You can hear the line chef following you, and you suddenly feel self-conscious about your building. 

“It’s a nice place,” Mark notes, as if he can read your mind. “New build?”

“I think it’s been here like three or four years? I moved in last winter.”

“Right,” he nods, coming to a stop next to you as you hit the button to call the elevator. 

You can feel him staring at you, and it’s making you even more nervous. “What?” you ask, letting out a short laugh.

“Nothing, you just uh… you look cute.” 

“I’m literally in PJ’s.” Your gaze dips to your simple fuzzy purple shorts, and the tank top you’re wearing.

“But they’re nice. I’ve only ever seen you in work outfits, and when you came over last time you were in jeans. You look cute dressed down like this.”

You’d been worried about being so casual with Mark- dressing for comfort instead of the need to impress, but it seems you’ve succeeded in both comfortability and making a good impression. 

“Thank you,” you smile, your insides practically glowing from the compliment. No other man has seen you this way and called you cute- it’s one of the reasons you usually dip out from a man after sex. There’s no comfort or getting comfortable- your other relationships have always been rigid, a push pull and need to be perfect at all times in order to be deserving of attention.

You make it up to your floor, and another wave of anxiety washes over you as you let Mark into your small apartment. “It’s not much,” you sigh, “but it’s home.”

Mark slips off his sneakers by your door, looking around. “No, I like it,” he assures you. “No roommates kicking around- I bet living alone is pretty relaxing.”

“It can be, but it’s also lonely at times,” you admit.

“Well, if you get lonely here, you can always call me and I can come entertain you.”

Mark’s words give an air of longevity. He sounds certain about this, as if it’s a given that he’s part of your life now, as if he’s not going anywhere. 

You’re not sure what to make of Mark. You’ve never really had steady consistency from a man- but he seems so sincere, it makes you want to be hopeful, and hope can be a dangerous thing for a girl like you.

“So uh… can I get you something to drink?” you ask. “We’re just watching anime right?”

“I’m good. If I get thirsty, I’ll let you know,” Mark assures you, taking a seat on the couch in your living room. “Should we uh… should I move some of these pillows so we can cuddle again?”

You grin, pouring yourself a cup of water. “If you want to cuddle, we can cuddle.”

“I want to cuddle,” Mark states, immediately grabbing at the cushions and rearranging your space to allow for you both to lie down. 

He’s adorable. Laying down in front of him already feels kind of natural. The way he grabs your hip and tugs you close to his chest has your heart singing, and his breath against the back of your neck is as familiar as anything.

Not much needs to be said as you start your anime. You’re simply enjoying the comfortability of companionship- companionship lacking any pressures or timeframes. You’re two souls sharing your moments together.

It’s a different feeling for your mind to go blank while you’re with Mark. You’re shocked by how safe you feel in his embrace. 

You talk here and there, the two of you discussing moments in the anime, but conversation doesn’t get much deeper than that. You actually kind of enjoy not having to use your brain, and you’re definitely enjoying the warmth of the man behind you.

“I’m uh, gonna take my hoodie off,” Mark tells you, shifting slightly. 

“Okay.” You give him space, turning to look over your shoulder as he lifts the fabric off his body, revealing the white tshirt below. “Wait, can you give me a deeper tattoo tour now?”

“Uh…”

“You said you’d give me a proper tour on the second date,” you tease, hooking your finger in the neck of his shirt and gently pulling, giving yourself a tiny peak of marked skin along his collarbones.

“I guess I did say that, didn’t I?” Mark laughs sheepishly. “Okay,” he takes a deep breath, sitting up again and grabbing the hem of his shirt.

As Mark reveals his chest to you, you’re a little taken aback by what you see.

Generally, you’re pretty good at guessing a man’s build under his clothing, but Mark is much more toned than you thought he would be. It’s clear he works out, and the muscles you see are amplified by tasteful placement of tattoos littering his torso.

“Where do I even start?” Mark asks, looking down at himself.

“Wherever you want to.” You turn to face him, anime forgotten in the background.

He brushes his own fingers across one of the ferns decorating his collarbones. “These are my mom’s favourite plant.”

“Her favourite plant?” you grin.

“Yeah, I know, most moms have a favourite flower, but my mom kind of really likes ferns.”

“Sounds like you’re close with her,” you note.

“I’m a complete mama’s boy,” Mark admits with a laugh, which is when your gaze lands on a heart with the word ‘Mom’ tattooed on his ribs.

“I see that.” You reach out and gently brush the mark.

The line chef shivers under your touch, the muscles in his abdomen jumping deliciously. You wonder how ticklish he is. 

“Then this one,” Mark touches the moth blooming out from his sternum, “was just really cool and the artist needed someone to practice on, so I said, let’s do it, fuck me up.”

You grin at his choice of words. Mark can be kind of reserved at work, it’s interesting to hear his dirty mouth now that you’re alone. 

You kind of love listening to him as he continues with the tour, tracing the lined patch work. Each mark is another story or detail about the line chef you’re starting to fall for, and you commit his words to memory. 

He’s done the tour of his tattoos much too fast for your liking. You trace the last of the marks, a dagger on his bicep. 

Laying on your back with Mark on his side next to you, things feel very intimate, especially now that his focus has shifted away from his tattoos and is solidly fixed on you.

His hand finds your abdomen, and he gently lines the curve of your hip with his fingers.

Neither of you say anything, caught in the peaceful quiet and moments of mutual discovery. 

His fingers brush by your rib cage, and you’re struck by the need for more. Gently placing your hand over his, you prompt him up higher, until his palm is placed over your breast. You sneak a glance at Mark, noticing the way he swallows thickly.

“Are you a boobs man, Mark?”

“I mean… who isn’t?”

You grin at his answer. “Should I take my shirt off? It’s only fair, right? Yours is off.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he assures you.

“I want to take my shirt off.”

“Then take your shirt off,” he says quietly.

You sit up, quickly discarding the fabric before laying back down again. Now you’re just in a bra and PJ shorts. Mark sucks in a breath, his hand finding your bare hip. Once again, you have to guide his touch up to your breast. This time, when he squeezes you, his thumb rubs over the swell of plump flesh.

You can feel your nipple hardening with interest, pressing against the cup of your bra. “We should take this off next,” you suggest, grabbing at your strap.

“Yeah?” Mark’s eyes widen as he looks at you, his lips parting as he breathes heavier.

“I mean, unless you want me to keep it on?”

“Like I said,” the line chef brushes his thumb over your skin again, “do whatever makes you most comfortable.” 

You sit up again, reaching behind your back to undo the clasp. For a moment, you pause. This is a line you won't be able to uncross. You’re about to show your coworker your boobs. Your sweet, honest, adorable, line chef coworker, who gazes at you with stars in his eyes- your fuck boy look alike secret softie-

You undo your bra, throwing it off the couch before laying flat again. This time, you don’t have to prompt Mark’s hand, he gently traces his fingers up your ribs until he’s cupping your breast. He watches you tentatively, sucking his lower lip into his mouth as his thumb brushes over your hardened nipple.

“You’re so pretty,” he whispers.

“You think so?”

“I know so,” Mark says, firmly this time.

“Come here,” you reach up to cup the back of his neck, drawing his lips to yours. He kisses you like he’s afraid you might break, but when you whimper, he responds with a groan, deepening the passion as his tongue glides against your own.

His hand kneads your breast, making you moan again, pushing up toward his palm. You can feel the desire growing between your legs as he kisses you, and you reach out to trace his chest. Your touch begins to lower, fingers grazing over his abdomen-

Mark breaks the kiss, nuzzling against your jaw to prompt your face to the side so he can access your throat. He peppers your skin in soft kisses, slowly descending until he reaches your collar bones-

You realize what he’s about to do and tangle your fingers through his soft blonde hair, pushing your chest up in silent affirmation. “Mark-” you whimper, rewarded when his wet lips wrap around your nipple.

Fuck, he feels so good-

Has anyone ever felt this good?

Maybe it’s the waiting- the going slow, or maybe it’s just the fact that Mark makes you feel safe, but regardless, each touch, each brush of his lips and tongue, has you mewling. You’re pretty sure you’ve soaked through your panties at this point, your pussy practically throbbing with each flick of his wet muscle against your pebbled nipple.

“Mark?” you whisper, tightening your grip in his hair. “Are you…” you swallow thickly. “Are you going to fuck me?”

The line chef pulls away from your breast, looking up at you with dark chocolate eyes. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do-”

“What if I want this?”

“I usually don’t sleep with girls on the second date-”

“Make an exception?” you plead. 

You haven’t been fucked in a few weeks, and you’re feeling desperate. You want to connect with Mark on that physical level, and sex is always the way you do that with men. You want him to feel good, to give him a reason to stick around like he says he will.

“But wait-” you feel your skin heat, “I have something I should tell you first.”

Mark cocks his head to the side, waiting for you to continue.

“I uh… I’m going to be super real with you right now.” You take a deep breath. “Look, I read a lot of smut? That’s like- I read a lot of erotica, written porn, I guess- and, in smut, and porn especially, girls always just cum so easily- and I wish I was that type of person, but I’m not. No guy has ever… you know, gotten me there. What I’m trying to say is, I can have fun even without cumming. So if I can’t get there with you, it’s not you, it’s literally me-”

“Hey,” Mark reaches up to cup your cheek, cutting off your rambling. “Thanks for telling me, but there’s no pressure. Whatever happens, happens. For some girls, you have to get more comfortable. My first girlfriend was like that too, and there’s never any judgement from me. I’m willing to wait for you to feel safe enough that your body relaxes.”

“You are?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assures you. “I mean, I can’t promise that I’ll be as good as the guys in your books or in porn. Dirty talk is something I have to get used to using too, but, if we give it time, I’m sure we’ll figure each other out.”

You search his eyes, processing what he’s just said. Then you give him a small nod. “That sounds good to me.”

“Good.” He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours. “But, if we’re going to do this, I’d like for us to go to your bedroom, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course.” You sit up, getting off the couch quickly while Mark follows. As you get to the door of your bedroom, you look over your shoulder, snaking your fingers into your shorts and pulling them down.

“Fuck-” Mark groans, eyes taking in your body.

You can see a half chub pressing against the denim of his blue jeans, and your pussy throbs again. “Come on, puppy boy,” you tease. 

He’s quick to catch you, wrapping his arms around you and pressing his chest to your back. His lips find your neck and you giggle, moving toward your bed while dragging the line chef with you.

“You’re so pretty,” Mark groans, tracing your curves with one hand while the other reaches to grab your breast.

Turning in his arms, you press your lips to his, enjoying the way each kiss gets deeper. He’s relaxing against you, his tongue exploring you more and more. 

When you make it to the bed, he gently prompts you to sit down. You look up at Mark, watching him take in your form. “How did I get this lucky?” he asks.

“You asked me out,” you remind him. “So you did this all yourself, Mark.”

“Did I?” he grins, sinking to the floor.

You’re surprised by the new position, surprised by the way he gently parts your knees, his gaze finding your hot core. 

“Can I take these off?” he questions, gently tugging at your panties.

“Yeah-” you whisper.

Most guys don’t eat you out as an appetizer. In fact, you have to ask most men to go down on you- but here’s Mark, doing it all of his own accord. And he looks so needy- in the best possible way.

Mark slips your panties down your legs, and then his lips find your calf. He begins kissing up your skin, spreading your thighs to accommodate him. 

“You don’t have to-” Your words are lost when he presses a kiss to your clit.

“Don’t have to what?” Mark asks, looking up at you.

“Don’t have to eat me out-”

“I want to eat you out,” he confirms. “I’ll eat you out for as long as you want me to- but, when you need more, just say something, and I’ll give you anything you want.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh,” Mark hums, immediately pressing his mouth against your core again. He licks a wet stripe of your pussy, and it makes your legs twitch on his shoulders.

You relax against the mattress, closing your eyes and focusing on the feeling of Mark pleasuring you. Your fingers tangle in his hair, keeping him where you need him. He focuses on your clit, circling it and toying with it.

It feels amazing- it does, but there’s some sort of mental block in your brain. You wish you could just cum from this, but the more you think about that, the more you distract yourself from Mark. God, you almost feel bad making him eat you out like this- he’s not getting anything-

The overthinking is something you’re used to, and try as you might to talk yourself down from the ledge of sexual issues, you can’t relax. You can’t focus on Mark, and it frustrates you to no end.

Finally, after what feels like hours of him eating you out - although it must only be a few minutes - you gently tug his hair. “Want your cock now,” you tell him.

“Yeah?” Mark wipes his hand across his mouth, looking up at you with pupils blown from lust.

“Please,” you nod. 

“Should I uh- should I grab a condom?”

You’re quick to shake your head. “We’re both clean right?”

“Yeah-”

“I have an IUD, remember? I want you to cum inside of me.”

Mark draws in a shaky breath. You watch him swallow thickly, then he stands up, undoing his blue jeans. When he pushes down his pants, he moves his underwear too, and just like that, your favourite line chef is standing naked in front of you.

He’s got a pretty cock. It’s girthy, cut, and must be around seven or so inches. The tip is curved slightly to his left, and it’s leaking precum even though you’ve hardly touched him.

Did Mark really get that turned on just from eating you out?

“Come here,” you offer him a small smile, shifting up your bed until your head reaches the pillows. You open your arms for Mark, watching him press a knee onto the mattress and approach you. Your legs wrap around his hips, and you drag him into a kiss.

The kiss is passionate, but there’s a tentative energy to it as Mark’s cock presses between your pussy lips, collecting the juice and saliva that’s congregated there. 

“Are you sure about this?” Mark asks, panting against your mouth. 

You open your eyes to look up at him, nodding.

“I uh… I need to hear you say yes.”

“Yes, Mark, I’m sure about this,” you say, trailing your fingers through his hair. “Please, I want you.”

He searches your eyes, then, with a final nod, he kisses you again. One of his hands slides between your bodies, and you feel him line his cock up with your core. Your legs tighten around his hips, and it’s something like a united effort when his length sinks into your pussy.

You both groan against each other’s lips. The kissing stops, but you remain close enough that your noses are touching. His breath is hot against your skin, and he begins to fuck you slowly, his cock filling you perfectly.

“You feel so good,” Mark groans. 

All you can do is moan in response, drawing his lips back to yours while he fucks you.

You get lost in the feeling of him, and the kissing does aid in calming down your tumultuous thoughts. You can focus on the pleasure that thrums through you with each thrust, the way his cock glides against your inner walls and stretches you out.

Mark grabs your hand, interlocking your fingers and pressing you against the bed, his hips working faster. His tongue is eager against your own, and he eats up your soft whimpers. His groans and grunts of effort make your soul sing, your heart beating quickly in your breast.

“Shit,” Mark pulls away from the kiss, looking down at you. “It’s been a minute since I’ve- since I’ve slept with anyone,” he admits. “I’m uh… pretty close.”

“Want you to cum,” you tell him.

“Yeah?”

“Please- want you to fill me up-”

Mark groans, pressing his lips against your own. You kiss him desperately, tightening your legs around his hips. He squeezes your hand, his groans muffled by your mouth.

His hips work faster and faster- then, all at once, he kind of just stops. You can feel his cock throbbing inside of you, and his grip on your hand is tight as he coats your insides with his cum.

You hold him through his high, your free hand petting his hair while he brings his lips to your neck, panting desperately and kissing your skin. 

He lets out a sigh of relief as he finishes. Mark pulls away from your throat, looking down at you. You can tell there’s something he wants to say, but it’s clear that he’s not able to find the right words. “I, uh…” he licks his lips. “Should I grab you a tissue or something?”

“Yes, please,” you laugh, letting go of him so he can get off the bed. You watch him look around your room, finding your tissues on the nightstand. 

His legs are as covered in patchwork tattoos as the rest of him, and you’re pleased that the tour will continue another day. He hands you the tissue. “Do you want to use the bathroom first?”

“You can go for it, I just need a second,” you tell him.

Mark nods, pressing one last kiss to your lips before he leaves your bedroom.

You lay there in bed, holding the tissue between your legs to capture any of the cum beginning to leak out of you. 

You’re glad Mark got to cum. You’re not surprised you hadn’t. You just hope maybe one day you will get there, and for some reason, you have a hunch Mark will be the one to achieve an orgasm for you. Or at least, you hope he will. 

Nine

“So did you do it?” 

“Hmm?” Mark looks up from the chicken he’s cutting.

“You had your second date with Sunshine last night, right?” Hyuck presses. “So…. did you do it? Did you make her cum, or what?”

“Why are you so obsessed with this?” Mark sighs, looking at the other side of the kitchen where John is working. “We shouldn’t be talking about this here.”

“Nah, this is the perfect place to talk about it,” Hyuck leans against the work station, his back to the head chef. “So I’m guessing you didn’t make her cum.”

“Is that all you were thinking about every time you fucked her?” Mark asks.

“Duh.”

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe that’s the kind of mentality that would make a girl overthink the situation?” Mark shakes his head. “I bet you would watch her super intently and then just ask her to cum.”

“That’s a move, Mark, it’s called having rizz.”

“But it never worked, so was it really rizz, or were you just fucking yourself over?”

Hyuck narrows his eyes. “So now you’re the expert on making girls cum?”

Over Hyuck’s shoulder, John stops what he’s doing and turns to stare at the line chefs. Mark can feel his skin heating, and he opens his mouth to rectify the situation, but Hyuck’s already speaking again. 

“I bet you a hundred bucks you won’t be able to make her cum.”

“Fuck you, I’m not betting money on this shit,” Mark hisses. 

“Sounds like something a pussy would say.”

“A pussy with a knife in his hand,” the line chef notes, his grip tightening on the handle. “Look, when I do make her cum, you have to stop bashing her like it’s her fault that you wouldn’t take the time to make her comfortable.” 

“And when you don’t make her cum?”

“It’s not going to happen.” Mark’s not sure where his confidence is coming from, but something in his heart tells him to be firm about this. He’s going to get you there. It might take a few weeks, hell, it might take over a month- but he’s going to get you to the point where you relax enough to cum for him, or so help him God-

Ten

Mark had cum inside of you three times since arriving at seven, and at two am he had finally broached the idea of heading home. “I should probably go,” the line chef had sighed, holding you closer to his chest.

“I mean… you could always just stay over?” you’d suggested.

“Yeah?”

“It’s our third date, why not?” you’d shrugged, cuddling tighter against him. 

You hadn’t planned this, it had just sort of happened, and that’s how Mark had ended up sleeping at your place for the first time. 

He’d woken up half way through the night, voice raspy, hands grabby, moaning about how lucky he was to be here with you. Falling asleep again after he’d railed you had been as easy as breathing, and now, in the morning hours, you’re in the shower to wash off all the cum he’d left on and inside of you. 

Neither of you have to be at work till the afternoon, and you kind of like the idea of lazing around with Mark, who’s still passed out in your bed. 

You take your time with your skin care and hair, and when you finally enter your room, you’re intrigued to find the line chef still asleep. He’s quite handsome like this, all bundled up in your white duvet, blonde hair shining around him like a halo.

You try to be careful as you crawl onto the mattress next to him, but Mark immediately rolls over to pull you tight to his chest. He lets out a soft groan, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

God, why are things so domestic with this boy already?

His hands trail up and down your back, fingers stroking your skin. You’d put on his shirt, but other than that, you’re naked, and it doesn’t take long for Mark to realize that fact. His touch moves down to your hip, sliding under the shirt. His thumb draws circles against your bare skin, and he lets out another moan. 

“Morning, puppy boy,” you laugh.

“Hungry,” Mark whispers. 

“Hmm?”

“I said,” he leans down, pressing kisses to your throat, his lips brushing by your ear when he repeats himself; “Hungry.”

“I can make you breakfast,” you assure him.

“Don’t want food,” Mark says. “Want you.”

In one quick motion he pushes you onto your back, getting on top of you. His breath is hot against your neck, and he tugs on your shirt, pulling it up to reveal your breasts. His mouth wraps around your nipple, and he sucks on it gently, releasing sounds of pleasure. 

You thread your fingers through his hair, letting out a sigh of relief. “Feels good,” you tell him.

One of his hands slips between your legs, his digits teasing your slit. “Always so wet for me,” he groans, releasing your nipple with a pop. “Can I taste?”

Mark is definitely getting more bold with you, but that’s what happens when you’ve fucked a handful of times, had three dates, and one sleep over. 

“You can do anything you want to me,” you tell him.

The line chef kisses down your abdomen, pushing your legs open as he settles between them. You thread your fingers through his hair as he brings his mouth to your core, licking at your pussy lips. 

Mark is really good at oral. This is the fourth time he’s eaten you out. With each time he presses his mouth to your pussy, part of you gets more and more convinced that you’ll cum this way. When he adds two fingers into your aching core, you’re pretty much sure that it will happen-

It feels so good, and the moans that escape you reflect that. Your hips buck toward his face, prompting Mark to press a palm to your lower abdomen, keeping you pinned.

But every time you think you’re close - every time you’re about to announce it to him - the feeling dissipates. 

You can feel yourself getting more and more irritated with your body, and soon, you give up entirely. “Mark?”

“Hmm?” The vibrations against your clit have your thighs shaking.

“Can I just- can we just fuck? Please? I want you inside of me.”

Mark pulls away from your pussy, his fingers continuing in your hole. “Are you sure? You know I enjoy playing with you like this.”

“I know- but, I just- I’m in my head again. Want your cock in my pussy.”

Mark takes his fingers out of your core, bringing them to his lips to lick clean. Then he crawls up your body, kissing you so you can taste yourself on his tongue. 

“I’ll fuck you,” he says, “but don’t ever think I don’t enjoy being between your thighs like that, okay? You don’t have to cum, I know from the sounds that you make that you enjoy it, and that’s enough for me until you get there, yeah?”

You swallow thickly, nodding. “I’m still in my head.”

“I get that, Sunshine,” he kisses you gently, cupping your cheek as he lines his cock up with your wet hole. “If there’s anything I can do to stop the overthinking-”

“Just fuck me,” you insist, wrapping your legs around his hips.

Mark laughs. “You got it.”

Eleven

“Dude, is that a hickey on your neck?” Hyuck’s annoying voice makes Mark flinch, and his hand immediately flies to slap against the side of his throat.

“What? No.” 

“It totally is,” Hyuck laughs. “Damn, you two must really be going at it a lot.”

“We’re having fun.”

“Fun like two times? Three?”

“Fun like five times in the past twenty four hours.”

“Jesus Christ.” Hyuck’s eyes practically bulge out of his head. “Are you serious?”

“I don’t know what you were talking about with her not being able to sleep next to you. She passed out just fine with me last night.”

Hyuck lets out a deep breath. “Fucking Hell. Maybe I underestimated you. So… did she cum?” 

Mark sighs. He hates to be talking about this while at work. You’re running food, but you could be back at any second, and Mark doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea about all of this. Hyuck is the instigator of these sexual talks, and Mark doesn’t know how much to keep to himself.

“So that’s a no,” Hyuck deduces. “Big ouch.”

“I feel like we shouldn’t talk about this anymore,” Mark says finally.

“Why? Is your pride hurt?” 

Mark lets out another annoyed breath. “I just think it’s disrespectful. You’re an ex fling of hers, you don’t deserve to know everything about her personal life.”

“I don't want to know about her personal life,” Hyuck rolls his eyes. “I want to know about her sex life, there’s a difference.” 

“I’m done talking to you about this,” Mark insists.

“Damn, someone is starting to sound like a protective boyfriend. Jeeze, calm down.”

Mark hates that there’s some truth in what Hyuck is saying. He already feels quite protective of you. He’s got dates planned, things that can make you smile. He pays close attention to you when you speak, looking for your likes and dislikes. 

Mark is falling for you faster than he’d ever care to admit, especially not to Hyuck of all people. 

Twelve

“Who does a staff Christmas party in January?” Jungwoo asks as a bunch of you take the big table after the restaurant has closed.

“We were all too busy at Chirstmas time, remember?” Jaehyun says, looking at his waiter friend. “And then there was New Years, and we closed early.”

“I agree with you Woo, a mid January Christmas party feels weird,” you grin, leaning against your favourite server. 

In all honesty, it feels like your managers Taeil and Doyoung just wanted to give you all some time to relax and celebrate. January can be a slow month in the restaurant business, and you’d heard Jeno mention yesterday that there are four or five bottles of wine that no one has been ordering that have to be used up. 

As you begin to drink the wine, the mid January Christmas party makes more and more sense. The chefs have finished their closing tasks, with John joining you first, followed by Hyuck, and finally Mark.

With Jaehyun across from you, Jungwoo on one side, and John on the other, you’re surrounded. Mark sits at the other end of the table, offering you a small smile. You give him a gentle wave in response, giggling to yourself over the rim of your wine glass.

“Gosh, Sunshine,” Jungwoo slides closer to you. “Are you drunk already?”

“You’ve been refilling my glass,” you point out, pouting a little.

“Because you’re a cute drunk,” he grins. 

“A very cute drunk,” Jaehyun agrees, eyeing you from across the table. 

The thing about dating a coworker and it being new means you can’t talk about it. Until there’s a label with you and Mark, you’re keeping your lips shut. As far as Jungwoo or Jaehyun know, you’re single, and the latter of the two has been hitting on you for months.

It feels odd to have Jaehyun calling you cute while Mark is just a few seats down. Your stomach twists into drunken knots, and you wish you could move to be closer to your new secret Boo-

In the periphery of your vision, you note Mark stand up and begin to head to the bar. It feels like the perfect excuse to get some time alone with him, so you hop off of your chair. 

Mark’s grabbed a glass and is beginning to pour himself a beer from the tap by the time you reach him. “Hi, puppy boy,” you grin.

“Hey, Sunshine,” he laughs, looking you up and down. “Jungwoo’s been feeding you the wine, huh?”

“Just like… a normal amount.” God, you can’t help but smile constantly at the boy who has your heart twisting into love sick knots. 

“Are you tipsy?” Mark cocks his head to the side as he finishes pouring his drink.

“Maybe…”

“Can I get you some water?” he suggests.

You lean forward over the bar top, lowering your voice so only Mark can hear you. “I’m thirsty, but not for water or wine.”

It takes Mark a moment to read the innuendo of your words, but then he laughs. “I should get you some water.”

“What if I don’t drink it?”

“What if I ask you to please drink it?” he counters, already filling a cup for you. 

“Okay, fine. Just for you, though.” 

Mark grins as he hands you the glass.

“Why do you take care of me so much?” you ask, as the two of you head back to the table.

“Because,” Mark pulls your chair out for you, “you’re my favourite expo girl.”

“I better be,” you say, teasingly narrowing your eyes at Mark before he walks back to his own seat down the long table.

You begin to nurse your water. Mark’s right about you needing it. The tipsyness has somehow intensified- probably because Jungwoo had insisted you finish your wine glass. You feel blurry as you sit there and listen to your coworkers chat.

“I just don’t like saying chicken breast,” Jungwoo states.

“But that’s what they are!” Yuta, one of the night line chefs, insists. “They’re breasts!”

“I just tell customers that the alfredo comes with chicken, they don’t need to hear me say breast!” Jungwoo fights back. “Jaehyun agrees with me, right Jae?”

“Yeah, I just say chicken,” the man across from you nods.

“Taeyong also just says chicken,” Jungwoo continues. “So right now it’s three to one.”

“Hyuck,” Yuta calls across the table, gaining the attention of the men at the other end. “Do you call it chicken breast, or just chicken?”

“Neither,” Hyuck says confidently. “Thems some chicken boobies.”

You can’t believe the conversation you’re hearing. “I think it’s time for me to leave,” you decide. 

“What? Why?” Jungwoo whines.

“I can’t be here for a discussion about chicken.”

Jungwoo slams his hand on the table. “See, she said just chicken too!” 

Yuta points his finger at you like you’re on a game show. “Is that your final answer?” 

You lean forward, pretending his hand is a microphone. “Chicken titties.”

“Yeah, we’re cutting you off,” Jungwoo decides. “You need to go home and sleep.”

“Someone should make sure you get back to your place okay,” Jaehyun notes, standing from his chair.

“I’ll take care of her,” comes Mark’s voice from the other end of the table.

Jaehyun turns to stare at the line chef, who also stands up. 

John is next to you, and you watch a knowing expression appear on his features, grinning as he sips his beer. 

“You still have half your drink left,” Jaehyun insists, “And, I’ve known our little miss Sunshine for much longer than you have. I’m sure she’s probably more comfortable with me taking her home.”

A muscle in Mark’s jaw feathers. You watch him reach down and grab his beer, downing the whole thing in three large gulps before wiping the back of his hand across his mouth.

Fuck, the motion reminds you of what he does whenever he eats you out, and you feel almost dizzy thinking about it.

“Who’s it gonna be, Sunshine?” Hyuck grins. “Jaehyun, or Marky boy?”

“Let’s go, Mark,” you say, offering Jaehyun a small smile. “We’ll see all you guys tomorrow.”

Jaehyun looks pretty defeated, but you can’t even bring yourself to care as Mark comes around the table to offer you his arm. At first, you think you don’t his help, but when you stumble after one step, you latch onto his bicep.

“I was hoping you’d go home with me tonight,” you whisper as the two of you exit to the parking lot, where Mark’s truck is waiting. He helps you climb inside, smiling and shaking his head.

“Sunshine, if you ever want me to go home with you, you don’t have to get drunk, just ask.”

Thirteen

“I’m really not that drunk,” you insist, making your way over to the liquor cabinet again.

Mark sighs. You’re a grown adult, he can’t keep directing you away from the booze. “Okay, I believe you. What do you want? Let me make it for you.”

“I want…” you think about it for a moment. “An espresso martini.”

“It’s late, won’t the espresso make it hard for you to sleep?” You’re definitely drunk and you both know it.

“I don’t care. Want espresso martini.”

“Okay, Sunshine, you got it.” Mark moves through your kitchen, finding the espresso machine there. He slips a pod into the device, setting up a cup. 

“Can you add honey?” you ask, already moving to the cabinet to grab a bottle. Mark takes it from you, squeezing some of the honey into the bottom of the cup as hot coffee begins to pour over it. “I also want Baileys.”

Mark laughs a little, shaking his head as you stumble to grab the large Irish Cream bottle from your cupboard.

“And also ice,” you declare. “Frothed.”

“This is a whole thing, huh?” Mark watches you fill the frother with Baileys. 

“I like what I like,” you insist. “We’re gonna triple froth this.”

“You’re the boss.” Mark reaches into his pocket, pulling out his vape. You’ve been letting him smoke in here, and he appreciates the reprieve as the two of you make this very complicated espresso martini. 

By the time you’re done with it, Mark’s not even sure you could call it an espresso martini. With the amount of frothed foam on top, this drink is something else entirely. 

He watches you lift the cup to your lips, immediately getting foam on your face. You simply giggle and wipe it off, licking your finger clean. Then you dip your digit into the froth, scooping it up and popping it in your mouth.

Mark swallows thickly while watching you do this.

“Puppy,” you groan, “this is so good.” You offer him your finger. “Try it.”

Mark can’t say no to you, so he allows you to dip your finger into his mouth. He licks you clean, watching the way your breath catches. You bite on your bottom lip, swaying a little on your feet.

“Your turn,” you say quietly, holding out the cup.

“My turn?”

“I wanna suck on your fingers.”

Mark knows you're drunk. He knows this probably isn’t the best idea for either of you, but he simply can’t say no to you. Not now, not ever. 

He dips his pointer into the foam, then presents it to you. 

You grab his wrist, keeping him still while you move forward to suck on his finger, releasing a small groan. Mark can already feel the blood rushing to his cock, but he ignores it as he goes for another scoop of froth. 

“Tastes better on you,” you tell him, licking his digit clean again. “More. Please.” 

The way you look at him each time you suck his finger tells Mark that you’re as horny as he is. When he scoops with two digits, you practically mewl as you lick.

“I wanna suck on something bigger,” you state.

“Sunshine,” Mark sighs, “I really don’t want to take advantage-” 

“You’re not. Mark, you’ve eaten me out so many times, please let me return the favour?” You’re already sinking to your knees on the kitchen floor, and the sight of you makes Mark’s cock throb in his jeans. “Please, I just wanna suck you off.”

“You know I can never say no to you.”

As the words leave him your hands find his belt. In moments, you’re pushing his pants down, your grip wrapping around the base of his cock. He watches you lick your lips, your gaze meeting his as you lean forward to take him into your mouth.

Mark immediately lets out a groan. “You feel so good, sunshine.”

You whimper around his length, and the vibration has Mark’s fingers twitching. He reaches for your head, cupping your face while you suck him off. His other hand places your drink on the kitchen counter before falling to his side. The line chef’s head falls back, his eyes closing as he eats up the feeling of you.

“That’s it,” he sighs, loving the way you twirl your tongue around his shaft.

You take as much of him past your lips as possible, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat. You gag around him, causing Mark’s eyes to fly open. He looks down at you with concern, but you keep sucking him.

“You don’t have to deep throat me,” Mark assures you, pushing some hair away from your face.

You let out a whine, sinking onto him again, only for your throat to constrict tight around his tip. 

Mark groans. “Fuck, Sunshine, I’m serious.”

The line chef could never do what you’re doing right now. Not because he’s not into cock, but because he has the worst gag reflex ever. He knows what it’s like to choke, and he doesn’t want you sputtering on his cock in the name of pleasuring him. 

When you try to deep throat him a third time, Mark simply pulls you off of him. He’s struck by the view of a string of saliva keeping you connected to his cock, and the way you look up at him in a confused daze has his heart thundering in his chest.

“Enough of that,” Mark says softly. “Let me take care of you.”

He reaches down, gently taking your hands so he can help you to your feet. 

“Bedroom?” he suggests.

You nod, swallowing thickly and wiping at your mouth, then you dart off. You’re awfully agile for a drunk girl, and Mark smiles to himself before following you. By the time he’s made it to the bedroom, you’ve already stripped.

You’re sitting on the bed, grinning at him with a hint of mischief in your eye.

“Take advantage of me, Mark,” you say as he pulls off his shirt.

“Jesus,” Mark whispers. “I hate to say it, but that line is not enticing at all.”

He’s still kind of questioning if this is a good idea, but at the same time, you’ve already fucked on multiple occasions. He knows you want him sober, and especially - it appears - while drunk. 

“Come on, please?” You pout out your lower lip.

Mark slips out of his jeans, joining you on the bed. You wrap your arms around the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss while your legs encircle his hips.

As his cock slips past your core, Mark is shocked at how wet you already are. Booze has really done a number on you, but neither of you are complaining.

“You sure you want this?” he asks.

“Don’t make me beg,” you laugh, “Cuz I will.”

“No, it’s okay,” Mark swallows the lump in his throat. “Just checking.”

Before he can reach for his cock, you beat him to it, grabbing the base and lining his tip up with your entrance. “Fuck me, Mark, I’m begging for it.”

He presses his lips hard against your own as he pushes into your wet hole, both of you groaning loudly at the feeling. 

“Shit,” you whimper, breaking the kiss to look up at him, “I’m so sensitive today-”

“Alcohol does that sometimes,” Mark notes, bringing up a hand to cup your breast. When his fingers pinch your nipple, you let out a high pitched squeal, pushing your chest up toward his palm. 

“Fuck, Mark-” Your pussy clenches tight around him, and the feeling makes Mark dizzy. 

“You sound so good, Sunshine, and you’re gripping me so fucking hard-” Mark begins to fuck into you. Your nails claw at his arms, your head thrown back, eyes closed.

Mark reaches down to rub your clit. You shudder below him, legs tightening around his hips. “Fuck, fuck, fuck-” you moan loudly. “Just like that-”

He applies more pressure to your sensitive bud, making your hips buck toward him, your core clenching him in a death grip. 

“If you keep squeezing me like this, I’m not going to last long-” he warns you, tension building in the base of his cock.

“I want you to cum,” you insist, opening your eyes to look at him.

“Don’t you want to try and get there too?” he asks. 

“I don’t-” you swallow thickly, “I don’t think I’ll be able to.”

“Let me fuck you a little longer, yeah?” Mark prompts. “I can wait a bit. Actually, we should switch positions.”

“To what?”

“Can you get on your knees for me?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you nod quickly. As soon as Mark pulls away, you’re flipping over, pushing your ass into the air for him.

“Fuck, what a view,” he breathes, hands smoothing across your bum. 

You whimper, and the sound encourages Mark to slip himself into you again. The sigh of relief that leaves you has Mark’s skin tingling, his grip finding your hips. 

“It’s so deep,” you groan, tangling your fingers in the sheets.

You’re right about that- your wet pussy is taking every inch Mark has, and each smack of his hips against your ass has you getting even wetter. He’s pretty sure you’re dripping down your thighs at this point, and his fingers dig into your skin even harder.

The sounds you’re making are like music to his ears. Your grip on his cock is insane. Mark’s pretty sure tonight is going to be the night that you cum- but as he continues fucking you, it becomes more and more clear that only one of you is going to get there- and fast. 

“Fuck,” Mark grunts, his heart racing in his chest as he picks up the pace of his thrusts. 

“Cum in me,” you insist, reaching behind yourself.

Mark grabs your hand, lacing your fingers and holding you against the small of your back.

“You really want me to cum?” he asks, breathless.

“Please,” you nod, squeezing his hand. “Wanna be full.”

Again, Mark can’t say no to you.

“Okay, fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he whispers, fucking you even harder. “Shit-” 

His orgasm hits straight on, tingling through his entire body like an electric jolt. He pushes his cock into you as deep as it can go, feeling it throb as he coats your walls in cum. Mark throws his head back, eyes closed, overcome by the pleasure that courses through him.

He’s not the type that can fuck someone through his high. When he cums, he has to stop, has to experience the feeling in full. His mind goes completely blank…

But his first thought when the words come back is that he should tell you he loves you.

Fuck. This is becoming a problem. 

Every time he cums deep inside of you, his feelings grow. He’s overwhelmed with this sense that you’re meant to be, that he should just lock you down and let you know how much you mean to him.

But as always, that logical side rears its head, reminding Mark that it’s only been a few weeks of seeing each other. He needs to take things slow- for your sake. He doesn’t want to scare you away. Being a safe space for you includes watching his tongue, it means not putting pressure on you like this- 

If there’s one thing that will pressure you, it’s the admittance that he’s kind of in love with you.

Instead of saying what’s on the tip of his tongue, Mark pulls out of you. He gets you a tissue for the cum that begins to drip out of your pussy, and a cup of water to make sure you’re hydrated. Once you’ve both cleaned up in the bathroom, he cuddles you close to his chest, stroking your back and listening to you breathe.

To Mark’s complete shock, you fall asleep on him within minutes. 

It’s a sign that you’re truly feeling safe with him, and Mark thinks he must be going in the right direction. He’s careful not to wake you up, he simply enjoys the feeling of holding you close while you rest.

Fourteen

You wake up slowly, cuddling closer to the warmth next to you. It takes you a moment to realize that the heat is coming from Mark, and you open your eyes to stare at him.

“Morning,” Mark grins, putting down his phone to watch you. “Sleep well?”

“Shockingly well,” you grin, snuggling closer. “You?”

“I like sleeping next to you,” Mark muses, wrapping his arms around you. “You know, I was thinking I could make you breakfast or something. Neither of us have work today.”

“Breakfast?” You perk up.

“Yeah, I can cook most breakfast or brunch foods, but uh… don’t ask me to make eggs.”

“Eggs?” You raise your brows, looking at him with a laugh.

“I know, it’s stupid cuz I’m literally a line chef, but I never went to school for it, remember?” Mark grins, stroking your skin. “John tried to teach me during brunch last week but I just- don’t have the patience for eggs.”

“Poor John, hired a chef who can’t cook eggs,” you tease. “Are you sure you don’t want something else for breakfast?”

“Like what?”

“Like… me?” 

Mark laughs. “As much as I’d love to fuck you today, I feel like- maybe it would be nice to not sleep together this morning... You know this isn’t just sex for me, right?”

“Yeah, but… sex is nice, isn’t it?”

Mark strokes your cheek, meeting your eyes. “Sex with you is always nice, but I think I kind of want to be domestic with you today instead, if that’s okay.”

Your heart clenches in your chest at his words. You can’t help but lean forward and kiss him gently. “That’s okay with me.”

“Good,” Mark grins. “Let's cuddle some more, and when you get hungry, I’ll take care of the food.”

As you slowly wake up next to Mark, you’re struck by how comfortable you are. Being with him like this feels natural. There’s no pressure to fuck, no need to suck dick in order to earn affection- Mark simply cares about you, and it’s clear in the way he holds you.

If you’re not careful, you could get used to this.

Fifteen

Since the ‘Christmas’ party, Mark’s been wanting to broach the subject of Jaehyun with you, but in the handful of times he’s slept over with you since then, it’s just never come up.

Today, watching Jaehyun talk with you by the bar, the question is fresh on Mark’s mind, and he only has one person he can justifiably ask about it.

“So… how close are Jae and y/n?”

“Hmm?” Hyuck looks up from the burger he’s stacking. “Oh, those two? Pretty close.”

Mark groans at the lack of detail. “Did they ever date?”

“I think she’s definitely his work crush. Pretty sure he’s asked her out a few times, but I don’t know if she realized it was a date sort of thing.” Hyuck laughs to himself. “I actually walked in on him asking her out around Halloween, but I think she thought it was a group idea. She rejected him though.”

“Looks like he hasn’t taken the hint,” Mark says, mouth forming a firm line.

“Nah, Jae has a pretty big ego. I mean, you’ve seen his face. He’s not used to rejection, it doesn’t compute for him.”

Mark doesn’t say anything, he simply goes back to the alfredo he’s cooking. But it becomes clear that Hyuck doesn’t want to let this go.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you, Marky boy?”

“No.”

“Yes, you totally are,” Hyuck grins. “How long have you and Sunshine been seeing each other now?”

“Like… three weeks? A month almost?”

“Have you talked about being exclusive or anything?”

“Not really.”

Hyuck rolls his eyes. “It’s a yes or a no, Mark. There’s no ‘not really,’ when it comes to ‘the talk.’”

“No, we haven’t talked about it,” Mark admits with a sigh.

“Sounds like something you want though, right?” Hyuck presses.

“I thought I said I wasn’t going to talk to you about this anymore.”

“You’re the one who brought up Jae,” Hyuck points out, raising his hands in mock defense. 

Mark supposes Hyuck is right about that. He’s been considering defining the relationship recently- thinking about how a label could offer you safety, stability, things that are needed to help you relax. 

But now, the label transcends the use for comfortability and cumming, it almost feels needed.

You’re hot. Mark knows that. He sees the way people hit on you every day while you’re working. At first, he’d been okay with it- but now, he thinks maybe he needs something more. Maybe he needs the comfort of knowing that you’re taken, by him. 

He’s not the type to feel insecure, and he’s not even sure that insecurity is the right word for what he’s feeling.

All Mark knows, is that he wants to get to the next level with you, and he’s going to pull up his big boy pants to finally do it.

Sixteen

You’ve been at home for a few hours, having been cut from work early since it was a slow day, and you’re a little surprised when Mark calls you around dinner time.

“Hey you,” you grin, collapsing onto your bed to give Mark your full focus.

“Whatcha doin?” he asks.

“Just sitting here, was thinking of watching a movie. How about you? Just got off work?”

“Yeah, in a minute, just taking a vape break first. I was thinking maybe you’d let me see you when I’m off?”

“Definitely, you know my door is always open for you. But I should warn you, I have literally nothing in my fridge.”

“That’s okay, I’ll make your favourite and bring takeout,” Mark assures you. “See you in like… half an hour?”

That’s how Mark shows up on your home a short while later. You look him up and down, taking in his work outfit. “Didn’t wanna change after shift?” you grin, holding your door open for him.

“I uh, wanted to see you. Need a shower, so I figured I’d put on my fresh clothes after that.”

“Sounds good, you know that my home is your home. Go shower, I’ll put our food in bowls.” You accept the takeout from Mark, intent on turning to head to the kitchen- only for him to pull you back into an embrace.

“Hi,” he mumbles, kissing the side of your head and nuzzling against your hair.

“Hi,” you grin, turning in his arms to press your lips to his. “Go shower.”

“You got it.”

Mark goes into your bathroom, and a moment later you hear the water begin to run. You take your time in the kitchen. Mark has made himself alfredo, and he’s cooked your favourite rice bowl for you. You smile to yourself while plating the food, loving how domestic things have gotten with Mark.

Part of you is tempted to join Mark in the shower, but you’re not sure if you’re there yet, so you wait patiently for him to finish. This isn’t the first time he’s showered at your place, and you trust he’ll see his designated towel hanging on the hook behind your door. 

You kind of enjoy that he’s gotten so comfortable at your home. You’ve been spending so much time with him here and at work that it feels kind of odd when he’s not around. 

Soon, Mark is coming out of the bathroom. He’s in sweatpants and a tank top that shows off his tattoos. You have to actively stop yourself from drooling as you move to sit at the dinner table.

“So… did you need to talk to me about something?”

“Hmm?” Mark sits across from you.

“We didn’t have plans, you called and wanted to come over, I guess I’m just wondering if you had a specific reason.”

“Can’t I just miss you?” he grins.

Despite his words, it’s clear that there’s more to it, however you drop the issue. When Mark is ready to be real with you, he will be. You have time until then.

Mark begins to talk about work, how it had gotten busy after you’d left. You listen, happy to chat with him while you eat. 

After food, the two of you move to the couch, cuddling up while Netflix starts.

You’re two seasons into your anime already, it’s funny how time flies. You can turn your brain off when Mark spoons you, his lips pressing soft kisses to your shoulder every now and again.

One episode in, Mark reaches over you for the remote, pausing your show. 

“I guess there is a reason I wanted to come over,” he admits finally.

“Yeah?” You turn onto your back, looking up at him. 

“I hate to say that I’ve been jealous, but uh… since the Christmas party, I’ve been a little jealous about you and Jaehyun.” Mark won’t meet your eyes, and you give him the space to continue. “I just… people are always hitting on you, and I don’t know, I think… I mean, I’m a serial monogamist according to Hyuck, and I know we haven’t been seeing each other for that long, but I only see you, in all ways, and I just… I don’t want to lock you down if you’re not looking for something serious, but I guess I wanted to know how you feel about exclusivity and that sort of thing.”

“With you? Mark… I’d love to be exclusive.” You let out a small laugh. “Don’t you realize that I have to watch girls flirt with you too? Maybe we’ve both been jealous.  I think… locking each other down would be good for us.”

“Yeah?” Mark’s beaming now.

“You’re special,” you confess. “I’ve never been able to sleep next to a guy I’ve slept with, which feels like such a contradiction- but sleep has always come easy with you. I’ve never felt such a lack of pressure- such acceptance, for all of me, the good and the bad. I like you a lot Mark, and I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear.”

“It’s not that it wasn’t clear,” Mark assures you, cupping your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. “I just… I know you have that wild side, which is totally valid, I just wasn’t sure you were a settling down type.”

“I wasn’t so sure I was either, and then I met you.”

Mark kisses you instead of responding, but you can feel the emotion in the press of his lips against yours. He’s elated by what you’ve just said, and you’re close to floating to cloud nine too. 

Even so, there’s something else. You can feel it in the slight tension of his shoulders when your fingers brush over his skin.

“Mark?” you break the kiss, blinking at him. “Is there something else on your mind?”

“It’s just… I know I said there’s no pressure, but I really wanna help you cum. And I’ve been thinking maybe… maybe we could use some of your toys.”

“My toys?”

“Like… some girls cum better with a vibrator, and if you have one, I’d love to use it on you.”

“Really?” You’re shocked. Lots of men think their dick is good enough, they feel emasculated to bring sex toys into the mix- but here’s Mark, being as contrarian as ever. 

“Even if it doesn’t help you cum, I still think it would be fun. I’m not trying to pressure you-”

“We can use my vibrator,” you assure him, heart thundering in your rib cage at the mere thought of it. 

No man has ever used a sex toy on you- it’s probably one of the reasons you’ve never cum with a lover before.

“Come on,” you sit up, heading to your bedroom while Mark follows. “I keep my toys in the closet,” you explain, bending down to find the shoe box that stores your vibrator. You pull the device out, showing it to Mark. “Is this going to work?”

“Yeah, it will work.” Mark watches you stand up, and he holds out his hand for you to pass the toy to him. “I’m uh… I’m gonna put this down so I can get you naked.”

“Okay,” you grin.

He sets the vibrator on your bed gently, turning to you. Mark grabs your face first, pulling you in for a kiss. He’s gentler than you thought he would be, but you don’t mind it. You like getting lost in the feeling of Mark, allowing him to guide you toward the bed.

When you reach your mattress, his hands slip down to the hem of your shirt. He carefully removes it, and you lift your arms to help him with the task. Mark doesn’t immediately go for your pants next, he kisses you again instead, cupping your cheek with one hand while the other grabs the small of your back.

His touch is so gentle, smoothing across your skin. It’s making you even more eager, and you find yourself removing his shirt before he begins to work on your sleep shorts. Soon, you’re just in a bra and panties, but even those get taken off. 

When you’re completely bare, Mark gently pushes you down onto your bed, eyes taking in your body.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” he muses.

Your skin heats at the praise, and you begin to close your thighs, only for Mark to gently prompt them open. 

“Don’t hide from me, please,” Mark says softly, getting onto his knees at the foot of your bed. He leans forward, pressing a kiss to your clit before he pushes his tongue into your wet hole.

You breathe a sigh of relief, threading your fingers through his hair. You adjust your thighs on his shoulders, trailing your toes against his well-defined back. 

He eats you out for a little while, groaning as he goes. It’s clear to you now that Mark enjoys getting his fill of you, and it makes the experience ten times more enjoyable for you. You’ve been getting better at slowing your mind while Mark licks at your clit, better at focusing on him and not all the worrying thoughts that generally buzz around you.

You feel the bed shift, and you open your eyes to see Mark has reached for the vibrator. He turns it on, assessing the way the toy shakes on the lowest setting. “Do you wanna show me where to use this, sunshine?” he asks, holding it out to you.

With a deep breath, you nod, accepting the toy and bringing it to your clit. “I like… a good amount of pressure,” you tell him, showing him exactly where you like the vibrator to be held.

It feels kind of odd to be pleasuring yourself like this in front of Mark, but from the way his pupils are blown, eyes fixed completely on your core, you can tell that he’s enjoying the view. It makes you feel more confident, as you begin to drag the vibrator side to side, teasing yourself. 

“This sort of movement is good too,” you tell him.

“Can I take over now?” he asks.

You nod, allowing him to grab the handle of the toy. 

Now that you’re not the one holding it, you can focus completely on the feeling of your clit being vibrated. It feels amazing, your toes curling at the stimulus.

Mark’s free hand is on your inner thigh, smoothing against your skin, but soon, it joins the vibrator. He teases two fingers along your folds before pushing them into you, crooking them up to find the spongey spot that has you crying out.

“You make such pretty sounds,” Mark tells you, applying more pressure to your clit with the vibe. “Fuck, I could watch you like this all night.”

“Puppy-” you whimper, skin tingling at his words.

“You have no idea how good you look,” he continues. “I swear- I want you to cum, but even if you don’t, I’m not going to be able to forget about this. This view is- fuck, it’s the best view in the world. We’re going to be at work and this is all I’ll be thinking about. I won’t be able to get you out of my head.”

With each admittance, each uttered word of praise, you can feel the tension building in the pit of your stomach.

“Can you grind on this a little, sunshine? Grind on my fingers and your toy?”

“Yeah-” you whimper, hips moving as you try to follow with his prompt. 

“That’s it-” Mark groans. “Fuck, you’re so perfect.”

His fingers work harder inside of you, and the added pressure makes you squeal. You can’t help the way one of your arms comes up to cover your face, muffling your sounds as your body moves on it’s own accord now. You’re grinding against his hand, grinding against the vibrator that sends tremors of pleasure through your entire form.

“I’m so fucking lucky,” Mark tells you. “So lucky that you’re mine- I could watch you like this for hours and not get bored.”

“Mark-” you groan. Usually, when you acknowledge an orgasm building, it dissipates, like some cruel trick of fate, a complete defiance of the laws of physics- but this time, when you whimper “I’m close” the feeling doesn't fade, it only builds.

“Yeah?” Mark sounds shocked. “All it took was a vibe, huh?”

“And… and your praise-”

“You like when I talk dirty to you, sunshine?” Mark asks. “Like it when I tell you how perfect and pretty you are?”

“Yes-”

“Are you going to be a good girl and cum for me? Or should I finger fuck this cute little pussy even harder?”

“Oh my God-” you whimper. Mark has truly gotten comfortable with you now- he’s not holding back with his sinful words, and they make your stomach pull into a tight knot. “Please, harder-”

Mark presses the vibrator against your clit, turning up the vibration with his thumb while his fingers continue their brutal pace inside your core.

You find yourself gasping, unable to speak as he works you closer and closer-

“Cumming-” you whisper, your orgasm slamming into you like a train. 

Your breath catches, waves of pleasure surging through you. Your fists grip the sheets, your back arches, your thighs quaking around Mark. Whimpers and moans fill the room, your core pulsating around Mark’s fingers while he works you through your high.

“That’s it,” Mark groans. “That’s my good girl.”

“Puppy-” you breathe, the feeling almost becoming too much for you.

“What do you need, sunshine?”

“Your cock,” you blurt out. 

“Yeah?” Mark’s fingers slow inside your pussy. 

“Please, wanna cum on your cock-”

Mark lets out a breath. “Holy fuck.” He turns the vibrator off, taking his digits from your core. Mark licks them clean before he stands up, pushing down his sweatpants. “Move up the bed for me?” he suggests.

You wiggle up to the pillows, watching Mark get onto the mattress. He allows you to lock your legs around his hips, pulling him close while he crashes his lips to yours.

You tangle your fingers in his hair, kissing him deeply. He ruts his hips, allowing you to feel his cock dragging against your core.

Patience is a virtue, but you don’t have any left. You reach between your bodies, grabbing his hard length to line it up with your pussy. 

Mark slides into you, and you let out an immediate sigh of relief. His fingers had been nice, but his cock is even better. It stretches you open, you can feel him deeper than ever. You gasp against his mouth, dragging him closer as he begins to thrust into you. 

“You feel so good, sunshine,” Mark groans, breaking the kiss so he can press his lips to your throat. 

“Puppy-” you whimper, arching your neck so he has better access to find your sweet spot.

Mark captures your hands, lacing your fingers and pressing you into the bed while he fucks you. 

You can feel him everywhere. You’re completely bewitched by Mark Lee. Your core is practically dripping, each thrust made easy by the wet that exudes out of you. 

Then Mark is reaching for your vibrator. He sits up slightly, looking down at you. “Missionary? Or maybe doggy would be better?”

“I wanna see you when I cum again,” you tell him, accepting the vibrator he holds out to you. “Want you to see me cum with your cock in my pussy.”

Mark lets out a low groan, pressing his lips to yours as you turn on the toy, adjusting it onto your clit.

“If you can’t cum, that’s okay-”

“I think I’ll cum,” you assure him. “Just fuck me hard, and I’ll get there.”

“I can do that,” Mark grins, immediately picking up his pace and adding more power to his thrusts.

“And… tell me I’m pretty again?”

“Fuck, you’re so pretty,” Mark groans. “I’m so fucking lucky- how did I ever get this lucky?”

“Puppy-”

“You have no idea how into you I am- I love your sounds, love your voice- love the face you make when you feel good- love your smile-”

Each admittance has your heart buzzing in your chest. It’s crazy how easy it is for him to praise you- it almost feels like all these things were built up inside, like he’s a dam that’s just been released, and God, you love the flood.

You press the vibrator harder against your clit, entire body surging with energy. 

“You’re squeezing me so well, baby,” Mark groans, and the sound has your pussy throbbing. “Want you to cum with me so bad, do you think you can cum with me?”

“Yeah, just- kiss me?” you suggest.

Mark presses his lips to yours immediately, cupping your face with one hand. His tongue glides against your own. You eat up each other's sounds, getting completely lost in each other.

In no time at all, another orgasm is building in the pit of your stomach. 

“I’m gonna-” you whimper against his lips.

Mark fucks you even harder in response, and the motion is dizzying. 

“Please, sunshine, cum with me- fuck, I can’t hold it, cum with me-”

His words are your last straw as you explode on his cock. Your core clamps down hard, gasps of extacy escaping you.

To Mark’s credit, he holds off his own high long enough to fuck you through yours, and the moment you begin to be oversitmulated, he cums too. You can feel his cock throbbing in your pussy, his load spilling along your insides and coating your walls.

You kiss him deeply, enjoying his whimpers of pleasure.

You’ve never cum with someone balls deep inside of you before, and there’s a voice in the back of your mind itching for you to tell Mark that you love him- but you bite your tongue. You simply kiss him, holding him close while he finishes.

Finally, Mark lets out a small gasp, pulling away from your lips. His forehead presses against yours, and you’re both breathing heavily.

You’ve never felt this connected to someone in your entire life.

“Are you going to get us tissues?” you ask after a moment, letting out a small laugh.

Mark chuckles, pressing his lips against yours in a chaste kiss. “I just wanna enjoy you a second longer.”

“Puppy, you have literally all the time in the world.”

☀️ mlist + an. Thank you so much for reading! I really wanted to kick the year off with something more realistic. I wanted to write about a reader who over thinks, who doesn’t cum super easily like we usually see in fanfic. I wanted to touch on the realism of relationships, the use of sex toys, things discussed in the bonus like whiskey dick, domestic showers together and troubles sleeping next to someone new- I really hope you guys liked this even though it’s not as classic fanfic as I usually write :) 

🍭 support me by. sending a tip here or here - or become a patron to access monthly bonus content and extensions for fics like this one :) find the Patreon teaser below! 

🔮 preview. “I drank too much,” Mark admits. “Hyuck kept egging me on- I’m pretty sure he wanted to get me blackout so I couldn’t fuck you tonight- But I swear- whisky dick won’t last all night,” Mark tells you. “And, I mean, you know I love using your toys so it doesn’t even matter.” He’s adorable. Of course Hyuck wouldn’t take into account that sometimes Mark is perfectly happy making you cum with your toys and not fucking you at all. Mark truly is a man built for your pleasure, and you’re not surprised that ‘whiskey dick’ hasn’t phased him.

cw/ tw. drunk!Mark, shower shenanigans, fingering, pussy eating, use of toys/g spot stimulator, Mark has ‘whiskey dick’ and can’t get hard at first, unprotected sex, praise, dirty talk, munch!Mark, creampie/fullness kink, etc…  I petnames. (hers) sunshine. (his) puppy.

👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 2.3k I teaser wc. 250

🌙 starring. Mark x afab!Reader

bonus

“Puppy?” You sit up in bed, holding your phone close. Mark’s at some boys night thing, and you really hadn’t expected to hear from him, but here he is, calling you at midnight.

“Hi, Sunshine.” 

“Hi Sunshine!” Someone else screams in the background.

“Oh my god, fuck off, Hyuck!” Mark yells back. “Not you, baby, I’m talking to Hyuck.”

“Yeah,” you laughed, “I gathered that.”

You’ve also gathered that your boyfriend is drunk. You can hear it in his voice, and when he begins to hiccup, it’s even more evident.

“So uh, I wanna see you.”

“You can see me tomorrow, we have dinner plans, right?”

“No, I wanna see you tonight and tomorrow,” Mark insists. 

“You do, huh?” God, he’s adorable.

“Yes, please.”

“Don’t you want to finish boys night?” you prompt, not wanting to get in the way of his time with friends. You know Jeno would get mad about Mark spending time with his ex instead of his boys, and you don’t want to be that girlfriend who restricts her lover from his bros.

“Nah, fuck this,” Mark says. “Jeno went home with a girl, it’s just me and Hyuck and Renjun and Chenle and Jaemin and Jisung-” Sweet Jesus, he’s listing half of your work staff. “But I wanna be with you. I can call a cab and be at your place in like, fifteen minutes?”

“Whatever you want, puppy,” you grin. “I’ll be here.”

☀️ to read the full fic AND 2.3k bonus NOW, subscribe to my Patreon, then click here

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✘ nct taglist

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#mark lee #mark lee smut #nct #nct smut #nct dream #nct dream smut #nct 127 #nct 127 smut #nct mark #mark nct #nct mark smut #mark nct smut #mark lee x reader #mark lee x reader smut

[wanderingpages]

peach!! can you write a car sex jurdan smut? it can be short but the concept is so sexy 😭 on my knees rn

∞

“You’re trouble,” Cardan had told me minutes prior, but he repeats it now, more wary than he had been when he said it by the bar. Maybe I had used him then, because it sounded like flirting to me and I so badly needed his help. It’s how I’d always gotten what I needed before. Maybe I thought he was no different, so I took him down to a hall no one ever used and pressed him up against the wall. I smiled at him, feeling shy from his attention but not wanting to admit it. My hands had wound around his neck, and his fingertips traced up my shoulder, guiding my hair to one side. He placed a kiss on my throat and I felt it in the pit of my stomach. Then further up he trailed his soft lips and I gasped. I gripped at his hair to guide his lips to mine. He tasted heady and like the scotch I had given him. Cardan had cradled the back of my head, tilting me as he pressed his tongue into my mouth to open and deepen the kiss. He felt like mine, I felt a little guilty answering his question.

“Jude,” he had murmured against my skin, kissing a patch from my mouth to my throat, then his lips were by my ears and he asked, “What do you want from me, princess?” When I told him, he immediately fell back, only half in a daze but vehemently shaking his no – but I won in the end, because here we are, where I asked to be. I feel only a little remorseful and he’s telling me I’m trouble again.

I tilt my body, trying to get a closer look at the scene, but no matter how much I shift and turn, I can’t quite make out who my father is with, nor what he’s saying. My finger absently finds the buttons on the side of the car, but before I can lower the window, Cardan takes hold of my wrist. I’m already practically on top of him, my knees bracing against the console from the passenger’s side, and a hand planted firmly onto his lap. So it shouldn’t bother me when he pulls me closer, tightening his hold on me. Cardan’s warm fingers encircle my wrists, his thumb right where my veins sing.

I’m alive, he should note. I give him a look, eyes unable to stray too far from his still pink and swollen lips. I did that, I think to myself. I wonder how many other can say the same. And then I realize I don’t actually want to consider that at all. Cardan narrows his dark eyes at me, “Don’t even think about it, Jude.” My name on his tongue always felt like sin, but it’s when he teases me with my pseudo-reign that I feel like penance should only a breath away.

“But -” my mouth feels dry, searching for excuses but he shakes his head, halting my explanation.

“We’re not even supposed to be here,” he seethes, “and if you think we’re not being watched right now, you’re sorely mistaking.” I find myself pouting when he firmly guides me back into my seat, forcing me to gather the rest of my surroundings. We’re in a secluded area, backroads lined with trash bags and oily pathways between buildings. My father is currently having a “business meeting,” as he explained before abruptly leaving. I’ve only ever seen business meetings that take place between alleyways in movies that involve the mob.

When I tell Cardan this, pointedly looking at my father’s silhouette, he gives me a dry kind of look I choose to ignore. So long as he’s looking at me, I suppose. He was left in charge of watching over the club in Dad’s absence, but we both knew it just meant watching over me.  I was working the bar tonight, a job my father now is incredibly annoyed with, despite the fact it had been his suggested punishment for my overspending a bit.

“Just because there’s no limit does not mean you get to test that theory, Jude.” I roll my eyes now, because jokes on him; I'm a hit at parties now that I know to mix drinks and do little flairs that I’m quite proud of. I like to impress Cardan with them when he leaves Dad’s office and orders something boring on the rocks. I’m nearly positive that’s the charm that had him following me to that hall and led to him driving me right where we are currently parked.

“Haven’t you heard the saying? Curiosity killed the girl.”

“It does not go like that,” I tell Cardan, unamused.

I’m no idiot, I know Madoc’s club is only half of where our family income comes from, and the guests he entertains in the VIP section are never just guests. Business partners maybe, buyers or sellers, I could never tell. It was the same as usual until Dad had gotten a phone call in the middle of his hosting. It had seemed as if he had been waiting for the call all evening. However, him leaving abruptly made me too antsy to stand idle and make vodka cranberries all night. It always felt like the entire staff was in on a big secret I wasn’t apart of. It didn’t help that lately, Dad had been a little worn down, coming home tired or frustrated, answering calls curtly, stuck in his own head looking haggard. I’m allowed to worry.

“You didn’t,” Cardan says, pausing the sudden gnawing I’d been doing on my bottom lip, “by the way. Your bar tricks are not what got you into my car.” I guess he’s a mind reader now too.

“You’re telling me you weren’t impressed with my juggling?” I didn’t even break a bottle this time.

He sighs, “you probably could have just asked and I’d taken you.” I raise an eyebrow, not believing him since even with all my womanly whiles and eccentric charm, I still had to plead with him to get out here. The side of his lip tilts up in a smirk. “I just like watching you beg.” He shrugs, “So, you would have begged.” His warm voice sends a shiver down my spine. “Maybe I would have gotten you on your knees.” He could still get me on my knees if he asked nicely, but I don’t tell him that.  Cardan glances out the window, making a face at the two men. “There’s no point in being here if you can’t even hear what’s being said.”

I nod at this, finding my composure. “Exactly, Mr. Greenbriar.” I grin, “We should move closer.”

“No,” he tells me. He fumbles for the lock but my door is swung open before he manages to press the button. His eyes widen, “Jude,” he scowls quietly when I give him a triumphant grin. Without waiting, I duck for cover, sneaking up closer to the building. “Fuck me,” I hear Cardan moan. “Jude, you idiot,” he mutters, silently getting out of the car and following me. When he’s caught up, he pushes me behind him as we near the corner of the building. “You’re gonna get us both killed.”

“Are you not carrying?” I ask a bit startled. “Wait so that wasn’t a gun in your pocket? You really were excited to see me?” His hand comes over my mouth, and my eyes widen in shock, absolutely enthralled with the way he’s decided to manhandle me tonight. I’m always the one testing boundaries, so maybe my heart pounds a little faster at our proximity more than the shooters probably ready to gun us down – if Cardan is right about us being watched.

“Have you always been this bratty?” I wiggle my eyebrows at him instead of giving him an actual answer. He looks heavenwards before moving to stand behind me. One hand is now across my chest, the other still firmly over my mouth. I lick him but he doesn’t let off. “Of course, I’m armed, but I’m not Superman, princess. I don’t even think I have 15 rounds,” he says the last part more to himself, but that’s news to me anyways.

We lean closer to the alleyway, bracing our shoulders on to the bricks of the building. Whatever Dad and his friend are talking about is only slightly less muffled than before. Its longer than I expect to finally make out pretty keywords like “shipment” and “missing equipment,” and then something that has me ridged.

“You have three daughters don’t you, Madoc?”

“Don’t bring them into this,” Dad responds clearly. My heart beats even faster, I'm all too aware of Cardan’s palm searing hot against the unsteady thumping. He pulls me even tighter against him. Dad says, “I came in good faith to hear you out. You’re the one who lost my supplies.”

“You’re the one who lost two of my guys,” the other man counters, not really angry and seemingly uncaring for the men in question. He makes my skin crawl on sight alone.

“That’s not my -”

The other man holds up a finger, cutting my father off, offending me in the process. His phone had been ringing and Cardan stiffens, as the man answers, eyes still boring holes into my father. “Yes…really? Okay...” He hangs up and tilts his head, “Good faith? Someone’s tailing us.”

“I didn’t -” whatever my dad says, I don’t get to hear. Cardan is cursing, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me towards the car. It’s a struggle because my entire body wants to run to Dad, but the hold Cardan has on me is iron tight. A shot goes off and my body seizes. My eyes go so wide they hurt. I only wanted to know what Dad was hiding, wanted in on the big secret everyone knew but me – wanted some type of undeniable proof so he couldn’t brush this away, brush me away. More shots are fired and I’m too far to know who’s shooting at who.

Cardan pulls open the car door and shoves me in before rushing to the other side. I don’t even have my seatbelt on when he pulls out of the spot. I hear more bangs ricocheting and panic begins to set in, “Cardan! Dad -”

“He’s fine – Balekin wasn’t lying.”

“Balekin?”

Cardan doesn’t exactly answer me, but continues, “Madoc definitely brought back up. No good faith and all that.” He waves his hand and it freaks me out that both hands are not on the steering wheel. It also unnerves me that Cardan knows my Dad’s tells more than me. “We, on the other hand…” he trails off, shifting gears and stepping on the gas. My heart flies into my throat. I hurriedly manage to snap on the seatbelt, but even then, I don’t think that’ll protect me at all if Cardan decides to bend us into a tree or light pole or worse – another vehicle. “God,” he mutters, “you’re so reckless, Jude” he mumbles, “absolute fucking brat,” he continues. My cheeks flare pink but I hold my tongue, scared I might vomit if I talk. I grip at the leather seats so tight I feel my knuckles start to cramp. “And me – I follow you like a fucking dog.” Outside is a blur of lights and the night sky. I'm too scared to look at the speedometer but I know it’s beyond what the legal limit is. The one reprieve is that the road is clear for now.

“I think where in a fifty zone,” I finally manage in a squeak. Cardan side eyes me and I let out a yelp, “Oh my god, pay attention to the road!”

My hysterical tone eases him somehow, because he begins to relax. He eyes the rear view mirror and shrugs, taking a hand off the steering wheel again. My heart is beating so fast that my eyes seem to shake at every little pump. “We’re good,” he lets me know. He smirks at me and when I look sick at his lack of attention to the road, he tells me, “Crack the widow, let your hair down and all.” He does it for me with his free hand reaching to the top of my head, pulling at the clip securing my bun. It unravels just as the window slides down. Air gusts through my hair and stings my face.

My ears are filled with the rush of wind. “I…” My words are lost in the noise.

“It’s okay, princess, I’m a good driver,” he promises.

“What are you,” I manage, hoarse, “Dad’s getaway driver?” he shifts gears and I'm seeing double. Soon we’ll be doing donuts in the parking lot.

He shrugs, “When he needs me to be.” I remember what he said about curiosity killing the girl and that must explain the stroke I’m having. I feel like an idiot – a little girl trying to be much bigger than she is. What the hell would Dad even say if I go to him about tonight? He’d probably gaslight me. I shakily look back, wondering if we’re being followed. I calm when I see that its just us. “Do you trust me?”  

I nod my head and settle back into the seat. I try to get my mind off of this, thinking about our kiss from earlier instead. Had only an hour passed since then? I should apologize for leading him on only to get him here. Except I hadn’t really led him on. I’ve wanted Cardan since the moment Dad introduced us. I think him working directly under my father only fueled my desire more. It felt very taboo. However, those thoughts only race my pulse for a completely different reason. Slowly, I release my death grip on the seat and hold my hand out to Cardan. He raises a brow, but takes it anyway, letting me squeeze it tightly. “Yeah,” I whisper. I clear my throat, “I trust you.”

There’s a lot to take in, but I'm trying to stabilize my pulse instead. It’s like an onslaught of adrenaline wafting through me repeatedly and I can’t find a release. The car rolls to a stop just off the highway and into the cover of trees and shrubbery, This feels like an illegal spot to park, but what do I know? I watch in a stupor as the slim needle on the dashboard falls from somewhere in the hundreds down, down, down to 0. I find myself absolutely petrified but yet a giggle escapes me. Suddenly, I have this uncontrollable urge to laugh because if I don’t, I think I might cry.

“Are you okay?” Cardan reaches over and unclips my belt. He then brushes my hair back, forcing my gaze to his. He thumbs at my eyes, tearing up from the wind, and not at all because of the emotional turmoil I’m going through.

The rush that had been whipping past my ear had been halted so suddenly that my head begins to sway. I turn to look at him, uncaring for once how unput together I must look. “Dad…”

“He’s fine,” Cardan says again, sure of himself. “Are you?”

“Not dead,” I confirm, and he gives my hand a little squeeze. I give him a dazed look, and then, I smile softly at him. It must have been what he was waiting for. In one swift motion, Cardan tugs me over the console, guiding me to straddle is lap. My skirt hikes up and Cardan only pushes it up higher. There’s a pulse between my legs and when he pulls me down, his breath tickles my skin, filling me with heat all the way to the pit of my stomach.

“You’re okay,” he tells me quietly. “It’s okay, Jude.” I nod, placing my hands in his shoulder, fingers teasing at his dark curls. I stare at his neck, at the tendon there that I want to place my lip against. I bend down to do just that, letting his steady pulse beat against my skin. “Jude,” he murmurs, tilting his head to give me more access. When I press my lips on his skin, he sucks in a breath.

“I'm sorry,” I whisper, leaning up.

His hands run up my thighs, and if I had survived a shootout and a lone speed race, I don’t think I can survive Cardan and the way he looks at me right now. “For what?”

“Using you?”

Cardan chuckles, and reaches one hand up, working at the buttons of my shirt. Slowly, he pushes it off my shoulders, letting the material fall to the floor, all the while he’s admiring the swell of my breasts, contained only by sheer white lace. He looks up at me, gauging my come down from the adrenaline. I’m still utterly tweaked, and every touch of his is no help at all. My skin is on fire everywhere his fingertips touch. He teases a digit over my breast, up my neck and to my chin, pinching it between his fingers and pulling me forward. “I don’t think it counts,” he tells me. “I would have done this anyway,” he reminds me.

“Oh,” is all I can say.

His lips graze against mine and there’s a heat pooling between my legs. I shift, only to find him already hard and straining in his jeans. “Tell me to stop,” he mouths against me. I don’t. My eyes flutter and I hold on to him tighter. I pick at the buttons of his shirt, slowly undoing them until my cool hands can press firmly to his hard chest. His muscle seem to tighten when I graze them. Cardan holds my wrist gently this time, guiding it further down to his navel. “Come on princess, tell me this is a bad idea.” I stay silent. Even if it was a bad idea, I won’t let it stop. “Then open your mouth for me.”

My lips part for him and when our tongues meet, Cardan moans softly. He pulls me in closer, nipping at my bottom lip, sucking on it until my toes curl. His hand on my thigh slides over my ass and between my legs from behind. His fingers deftly rubbing at the already wet cotton and I gasp out, arching my neck, letting him trace his tongue down my skin. He pulls down a strap of my bra with his free hand, meeting my eyes and keeping my gaze as he lowers his head to kiss the tip of my breast. I inhale when his tongue laves my nipple, drawing it into his mouth. He sucks gently at first, finger rubbing over me just as soft. Then, he tugs my underwear to the side, now parting my pussy just as he begins to suck on me harder.

He makes a noise that vibrates against my skin. I hold his head against me, nearly close to weeping. His teeth graze my skin and I jump, hitting my head against the ceiling of the car. He pulls away from me, his lips obscenely wet and his eyes lidded. He reaches up, rubbing my head before feeling the side of his seat and pulling a lever to slowly recline the seat. “Sorry,” he says and I laugh, despite the ache in my breast and the throb in my pussy. I bite at my lip and undo his belt. “You’re so beautiful,” he tells me and my skin heats up. He pulls the other side of my bra down while I stroke his stiff cock. “Beautiful,” he repeats, I'm dripping between my thighs and his finger rubs me faster.

I go in for another kiss. Not short and sweet like I had been intending. This time Cardan kisses me rough and hard. There’s passion and ache between us. He reaches down to align the head of his cock where it needs to be. He rubs the tip between my slit with one hand, the other moves to come between us, rubbing soft circles into my clit. My knees strain on either side of him, and I let out a whimper when he teases the head shallowly. My hand finds his shoulders, and I cry out when he thrusts upwards, impaling me in one swift movement.

“Cardan!” My head falls forward, into his neck, and I try to muffle the cry into his skin. He gives me little time to adjust before he pulls out and slams back in. My muscles pulse when he pauses again, gripping him in spasms. He groans wrapping his arms around my back, moving me to his pace now, and I try to keep up with his steady pounding, but all I can find the energy to do is lay on top of him and take it as the length of him rubs every tender spot within me. I’m groaning and panting and he’s whispering my name.

“Jude…” my nipples feel so tender, brushing against his chest at every thrust, “God – you take me so good, don’t you?” I feel like I’m being spilt in two and its absolutely delicious. “Does that feel good, princess?”

“Yes,” I say, breathing hard. He thrusts into me harder, and harder and swear he’s rocking the car, but I want more of him, so much more. “Yes – Cardan…” my eyes get glassy, and I shut them tight, pressing my head onto his shoulder.  He slows down and grabs hold of my hair, pulling my head back. The slower he moves the deeper he seems to go; the tip of his dick kissing at my womb. I whimper, fingers flexing against his skin

“Look at me,” he whispers, sweat sheening his body now, slick and warm. His eyes are wild and full of lust and I'm so gone for him, so absolutely gone for this man. “Tell me,” Cardan requests in a slur. “Say it again.”

“It feels… so good,” I manage, “ah… more,” I beg and he’s ramming into me now, so hard and rough and then I say, “faster… please…” and it’s so frantic that I grab on to the headrest, bracing myself so I could take everything he gives me. There’s a tight knot at the pit of my stomach, and my cunt is dripping onto him. My heart hasn’t calmed down since the first gunshot but I find that I don’t mind the intense thumping anymore; it makes me feel so alive instead of being on the verge of death.

“Come for me, baby,” Cardan orders. He fucks me so recklessly, and his shaft rubs against my throbbing clit at every deep stroke. I feel delirious, holding my breath and clenching my stomach.

“Ah,” I cry out, back arching. His hand in my hair loosens to roam down my body. “I…Oh,” I bite at my lips, feeling the start of an orgasm that wouldn’t quite come. “I don’t know if I…” my confession trails off as I fall back with his guidance, careful not to honk the horn. He slows down again, torturing me. His finger finds my hardened clit and I scream when he presses down on it.

“You can,” Cardan lets me know. “You will,” he promises, in a breath. “For me, just for me.” My hands are frantic, unsure of what to hold onto. He pulls them around his neck, bringing me over him again. “I can go as long as it takes, princess,” he says into my ear before he kisses me there, then lower until his teeth latches on to the curve of my neck, all while fucking me hard and deep and so dirty, driving into me with little mercy. I’ve forgotten my name, it must be Princess with how much he says it. But it doesn’t matter, nothing matters, just him being inside of me does.

He fucks me endlessly and I bite down on his neck, mirroring him, screaming when I come. It feels so intense, I see stars as I shudder uncontrollably.  Cardan cries out too, slamming into me one last time, his climax mixing with mine and it seems unending when I shudder again, tightening my thighs against his. I gasp again when my stomach clenches, “Cardan,” I whimper, slowly coming down.

Cardans hand brushes down my back, soothing me as we both try to catch our breaths. He gently lifts me up, letting his cock slip from me. Come drips out of me, pouring onto him but he doesn’t care and I don’t think I care either. He smooths my hair back and pulls me in for a kiss, soft and slow this time. He reaches between us, and my body jolts when he pets my pussy, rubbing at the soreness sure to come soon. When we pull away, I ask, “Where did that come from?”

“Long time in the making,” he grins wryly, “you already knew that though.” I roll my eyes but jump at the vibration in his pants. His phone was buzzing. He pauses his hand on me and reaches into his pocket awkwardly. It’s my dad’s name on the screen and my cheek runs from a soft blush to full on crimson. Cardan unlocks it and reads the message. He looks up at me warily. “He’s asking why you left early from the bar.”

“Tell him I went for a ride.” I grin.

Cardan fights a smile, muttering, “trouble,” like a praise as he begins to type.

#jurdan #jurdan smut #jurdan au #the folk of the air #tfota #tfota au #tfota fanfic #the wicked king #the cruel prince #the queen of nothing #jude x cardan #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar #i was like how the hell do i write about car sex without turning it into an au lmao #then i was like in what au would he call her princess hmm #idk if it was really praise kink and there was no actual grinding but im sure that request also fits lmao #anyways trouble but its actually A&W that ive had on repeat #tcp #twk #tqon #idk i guess madoc is an arms dealer #smut #fanfic #requests #will edit later #soft vanilla but spicy

[yaksha-lover]

OH MY GOD I FINALLY FLIND YOU AGAIN! I remember finding your blog a long time ago when it was new I believe and sent a request later on

https://www.tumblr.com/yaksha-lover/691627436629213184/hi-idk-if-your-writing-rn-but-if-you-are-how-about?source=share

(this one)

I remember reading this response and was so excited and happy! I I just want to say thank you again for it ☺️🙏 (if I didn't say thank you then I'm sorry I was really nervous to send asks back then)

Request part! Can you make it the same as my last ask, but instead of the first years it being Lillia and anyone else you think will fit!

I think it'll hit harder with him since he's the one in actual power to let us go 🌝

Have a lovely day!! Make sure to drink water 💓

Haha happy you found me again! Thanks for the request, I hope you like it! Part 1

MC who believes they’re going back home (Vampire AU) - Lilia, Idia, Leona, Vil

Lilia:

You would probably try your best to avoid saying things like this around Lilia because of both the awkwardness and the fear that he’ll misinterpret things.

He’d end up overhearing you say this to others sometime and his reaction is definitely ambivalence. While Lilia does feel guilty for keeping you at the mansion, he knows the guilt is worth protecting everyone.

He wouldn’t be angry or anything at your words, he understands your reaction is completely natural. If this is at a point where the two of you have gotten closer, he may feel a bit upset that you’re so desperate to leave everyone behind, but he’s aware enough to realize it’s pretty much his fault.

Lilia would approach you to talk and explain that, while he doesn’t feel comfortable just letting you go right now, he’s willing to compromise and give you some more freedom than before, like chaperoned trips.

He’d ask what else he could do to make your life comfortable and make you happy, other than letting you go. Lilia would do anything in his power, spoiling you with gifts and luxuries. He would also try and send Silver to comfort you, because he knows you would rather be around his son than him.

He’d also be willing to promise you that one day you would be allowed to leave, even if it isn’t soon, but he hopes that you will at least come back and visit them occasionally, even though he knows you rightfully resent him.

Idia:

Idia would be pretty down whenever you bring it up, going from being normal around you (since he’s gotten used to you) to suddenly closing up sullenly when you start talking about going home.

Not many of the residents can tolerate him for too long, so he pretty much relies on you and Ortho to keep him company and not become a complete recluse.

Idia is far from delusional and, given his own experiences of feeling trapped, understands your desire to leave and live a normal life again where you have freedom.

That said, it’s hard when one of the only people who actually likes him and who he doesn’t get anxiety hanging around wants to leave.

This kind of talk, while rationally he knows has nothing to do with him, is pretty upsetting for him to hear because he feels like he’s not enough for you to stick around.

He can also be pretty blunt about it, telling you to be realistic and that it’ll be a long time (if ever) before you leave. Also isn’t afraid of weaponizing his little brother against you by telling Ortho to ask if you’ll keep playing games with them forever to guilt you.

It’ll probably be a big source of conflict between you, until you’re able to actually sit down and have a conversation about why he’s saying these things and why he feels this way.

Leona:

Leona is similar to Idia in that, while he’s smart enough to understand that your feelings are valid, he also can’t help but feel annoyed at your desperation to leave.

He thought the two of you had gotten pretty close and it feels like a bit of a slap in the face when you’re willing to talk about how happy you’d be to leave while simultaneously cuddling beside him.

When Leona is feeling rejected or hurt by your words, he’s quick to become more cold and dismissive, pushing you away when you try and touch him affectionately.

You don’t seem like you’ll miss him when you leave, so why should he allow you to touch him now?

If you keep pushing the issue, he’ll probably start mocking you, saying what a naive little herbivore you are for thinking you’ll ever escape. Unfortunately, Leona is hardly forward about his true feelings so you’ll pretty much have to be the bigger person here.

He’ll stay grumpy for a while unless you’re able to catch on to his feelings being hurt and properly comfort him by saying you’d want him to come with you or that you would be willing to stay with him.

Vil:

At this point, Vil is just getting to know you, so he doesn’t respond with the same vitriol as some of the other residents.

He’s pretty neutral about it, he understands your reasoning and thinks it’s understandable, although it does annoy him a little when you constantly bring it up, completely oblivious to the change in mood from your friends.

Vil sees how upset you make Epel when you talk about leaving, so he’s willing to have a private conversation with you about it later. He explains that while he understands, it would be nice for you to spare the feelings of others.

If you argue back, I think Vil would begin to point out that, while it definitively sucks that you can’t leave, other than that you have a good life. You don’t have to work, Lilia gets you everything you want, you get to spend endless time with people that care about you. That’s much more than other people can say.

He would just emphasize to you that while the situation isn’t ideal, all you can do is make the best of the situation and not spend all your time dwelling on leaving.

Although his words may seem harsh, they come from a place of maturity and care for both you and the others. Vil would offer to try and get you more freedom with Lilia, taking you to his filming sets when they’re nearby enough, bringing you back souvenirs, etc.

#twst x reader #twst vampire au #lilia vanrouge x reader #idia shroud x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #lilia vanrouge #idia shroud #leona kingscholar #vil schoenheit #twst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland vampire au

[ultralightpoe]

HII!!

could you please do a tangerine (bullet train) x fem!reader lil fic inspired by the song ‘life in the fast lane’ by eagles xx 🤍🤍

Life In The Fast Lane- Tangerine

Authors Note: YOU'RE KIDDING! THIS SONG! THAT MAN! OMG GOOD EYE-- I am working on requests rn. They are open until sunday so I recommend getting those in

Warnings: Stripper, drugs, abuse, death (not reader or tan)

Word Count: 2507

If you want to make a character + song request LOOK HERE

Enjoy!

He was a hard-headed man

He was brutally handsome, and she was terminally pretty

She held him up, and he held her for ransom

In the heart of the cold, cold city

The hallways of the club were dim, the very few lights there were flashing to the beat of the song that the girls on stage were dancing to. A feeling of dread filled you and you found yourself dragging your heels a little slower as you made your way to the private dance rooms of the building. 

You had just gotten off the stage, looking forward to sitting in the locker rooms for a moment when your ‘boss’ told you that you got the blue regular. One of the other strippers laughed, looking at you and muttering good luck. When you asked who he was she merely explained that he was a regular that always wore a blue suit and was hard headed and rude. How wonderful. 

By the time you reach the door you are sure you’re ready, taking a deep breath in as you turn the knob and sneak your way in. He doesn’t smile when he sees you, merely just tilts his head and raises a brow. 

You realize then that you are scowling, and as much as you don’t want to be here you need the money so you place a flirty smile on your face and lean on the pole in the center of the room, letting him admire you. “Hmmm…”

“What’s wrong, love?” He asks, flexing his fingers around the glass he was holding. He tilts it up to his lips, his eyes never leaving you as you do a small twirl around the pole. 

“I was just expecting someone….more….”

“More?” 

“They said you were hard- headed.” You smirk, one leg hooking around the metal and lifting yourself to spin before you land back on the ground and strut to him. “Hard-headed and rude.”

“Well something is hard, and I can tell you right now it ain’t my head love.” He teases, watching as you straddle his lap. “You’re quite a treat, aren’t you?”

“I like to think so,” You breathe out, twirling your hips to the beat of the song before his hands slide up your thighs. You slap them away, watching a possessive look flash in his eyes before shaking your hand. “No touching, against the rules.”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to take you home.”

“I have plans after this.” You smile, trying not to look into his eyes. 

“It’s quite adorable that you think you have a choice, pet.”

He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude

They said he was ruthless, they said he was crude

They had one thing in common

They were good in bed, she'd say

"Faster, faster, the lights are turnin' red"

He had quite the reputation around the club, and they weren’t good. The girls all whispered about the cruel things he had done, what he did for a living. They all warned you to stay away if you knew what was good for you. 

But you had gotten your first taste of him that night, and there was no going back from that. You were absolutely addicted. The first man in bed that could actually match your speed. 

“They say you shot a man in the club once.” You whisper, working him in your hands as he speeds up the car to pass a yellow light. “Is that true?”

“If it is?” He seethes out, trying to keep his cool as you work him to the edge. “Shit-”

“I just want to know- That was is red!” He runs it anyways, moving one hand over your own to help finish him. You watch in awe, a heat traveling your skin as he cums. 

“Pull over.” You order, making him look to you as he pants out, his load a mess across shirt. “Pull over. I want you.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. 

surely make you lose your mind

(Life in the fast lane) yeah

Are you with me so far?

The addiction to him was maddening, you found yourself thinking about him every second of every hour. You imagined him in the audience as you danced, imagined him under you as you did private dances rather than the older uglies. 

You couldn’t get enough of him. 

He, little did you know, was in the same position. It was beginning to mess up his job and Lemon was beginning to question him as well. He just wanted to breathe you in, and feel every inch of you every moment. 

Eager for action and hot for the game

The coming attraction, the drop of a name

They knew all the right people, they took all the right pills

They threw outrageous parties, they paid heavenly bills

Tan soon learned that the sooner he finished his missions the faster he can get back to you, which made him better at what he did. He was making money, so much money that he was sure he could buy the world for you. It was what you deserved. 

Everytime he got back from a trip he brought you a small trinket, telling you about the place he had been in as you danced for him, eyes gleaming with love and excitement. Something tightened in his chest every time he saw this look on you, he wanted to make you this happy all the time. 

“You seem mellow today, love?” He whispers, nipping at your jaw as you grinded back into him, eyes closed in content. Although he was happy you seem relaxed he was beginning to worry. 

“Took a pill…” You sigh, sliding his hands up your body until they were on your chest, your back touching his chest as you swirl your hips. He gasps out, cock springing to life but his head is throwing red flags. 

He takes a hand away from your chest, drawing a whine out of you, before turning your head to look back at him. “What type of pill?”

“I don’t know. The boss gave me….” You smile dreamily and he pulls your forehead to his own. 

“Why’s that?”

“He says all the good girls take em. And I want good shifts.” You explain, reaching for the hand that was still on your chin and taking his thumb into your mouth to bite on it. “Tan…..I need you.”

“Don’t take the pills love.” He warns and you shake your head. 

“It’s mardi gras party, everyone took em” And he really wanted to keep arguing but before he knew it you had one of his hands up your skirt and he lost all train of thought.

There were lines on the mirror, lines on her face

She pretended not to notice, she was caught up in the race

Out every evening, until it was light

He was too tired to make it, she was too tired to fight about it

He kisses you goodbye for once, telling you before he leaves which he never really did before. By the time he gets back he is desperate to make it to the club.

For the first time there they tell him you were busy, he asks when you were free and the security tells him in the morning. Tangerine, wanting nothing more than to bash the guys skull in and go grab you, waited in the parking lot smoking until the sun came up and mostly everyone was gone. 

He waited and waited until finally another stripper opened the back door, dried blood going down her face starting at her nose, and she waved him in. He tried not to panic about the tears rolling down her cheeks as he followed her to the back rooms. 

There was a circular booth around a table with a mirror, and he cast a side glance at the traces of lines on the table and the rolled up dollar bill before his eyes tracked you down. 

Sat in the center of the booth, slightly hidden in the dark, you sat numb to the world. Your eyes puffy with tears and one cheek reddened beyond belief, when he gets closer he can see lines of fingerprints on the skin and his body heats up.

“Your fucking manager?” He seethes, tone harsh as his hands gentle. He pulls you closer, trying not to scare you off. 

“I’m tired.” You whispered, leaning your forehead on his chest as he nodded and moved to pick you up. He was too tired to go after the manager tonight, and he wanted to get you home as soon as possible. 

His arms wrapped around your torso and under your thighs, lifting you with the ease of a man that spent his whole life fighting and killing, heading to the door when a hand clasps him on his bicep. Nails dug into his skin as he turned to look. 

“You can’t tell anyone- he’ll kill her.” The stripper with the bloody nose croaks. He bit back a smile, debating on whether or not he should tell her. But he doesn’t, not when you begin whining in his arms.

surely make you lose your mind

(Life in the fast lane) yeah

(Life in the fast lane) everything, all the time

(Life in the fast lane) a-ha

Lemon was shocked when Tangerine carried you into the apartment, never having seen his brother's girlfriend before, and was even more shocked when Tangerine laid you on their couch. 

“Get me some water, will ya mate?” He asks, tone sharp as he shucks off his jacket and rolls up his sleeves, not taking his eyes off your form while Lemon rushes to grab what he asked for. “Come on lovey, open them eyes for me.”

You don’t, not even when he pats your cheek.

“Is she dead?” Lemon asks, bringing the water. A wave of panic climbs up Tangs throat and he nearly screams, but he reigns himself in and grabs the water before pouring some in your mouth. 

You cough, eyes cracking open a little as he forces you to drink. “You’re driving me mad over here.” He whispers.

You, not fully awake, begin crying softly. Tears running down your cheeks as you curl up. “Don’t be mad. Pleasetan…”

“No no no. I’m not mad. No one is mad.” He soothes, moving to sit on the couch and lay with you. “I just meant I’m crazy worried, love.”

Blowin' and burnin', blinded by thirst

They didn't see the stop sign, took a turn for the worse

She said, "Listen baby, you can hear the engine ring"

"We've been up and down this highway, haven't seen a goddam thing"

Your phone blew up with calls from your manager at the club over the next few days, going from fake worried to just downright threats, telling you to show up. The last one reading ‘stupid whore better be laying in a ditch when I find you’.

Tangerine would go and handle the situation now, but he was focused on you and your withdrawals. You had been sweating up a storm, sick and puking nearly every five minutes and thrusting the blankets off to breathe even though you were shivering. 

He didn’t understand how you could be shivering cold and still be sweating more than the ocean, Lemon said it was normal. 

You cried a lot, which was completely okay, and you apologized way too much. You begged him not to be mad and he felt nauseous every time because how could he possibly be mad? Every night he curled around you, rubbing the bruised cheek and letting you cry into his chest before finally passing out clutching onto him. He was happy you were here, in his arms. But he wished it had happened without you in this state.

“Easy now, love.” He soothes, rubbing up and down your spine as he got comfortable. “We’ll make some breakfast in the morning. It is gonna be okay.”

He would make it okay.

He said, "Call the doctor, I think I'm gonna crash"

"The doctor say he's comin', but you gotta pay him cash"

They went rushin' down that freeway, messed around and got lost

They didn't care, they were just dyin' to get off, and it was

The man screams and cries in agony, begging for help, begging for a doctor. Tangerine doesn’t loosen up on his work, slicing up and down his hand with a saw as he pictures your crying face and your soft little pleas. He didn’t give a shit if this man was in pain, he had hurt you.

“ILLGIVEYOUANYTHINGYOUWANT” The man, Earl, screams as his other hand fights against the handcuff on the desk. Tangerine had already broken all his fingers on that hand and would soon be cutting out his tongue so he couldn’t talk. 

It was funny that he was offering anything he wanted, what Tangerine wanted was to be home with you enjoying the first good day you have had in weeks. But instead he left you cuddling his brother and watching thomas the train so he could be here, torturing the shit that had hurt you. 

“IHAVE - C…..C-CASHINTHESAFE=” He screams out as the hand finally falls off, Tangerine smiling and heading for the safe before he passes out of blood loss. 

“Code?” He asks, turning to look as the man mumbles out the 4 numbers to the code, a small feeling of pride filling him when the door swings open. “Ah. What a lovely chap you are.”

He didn’t mean it, his tone was dripping with sarcasm as he grabbed everything in the safe and threw it in a bag. Then he stops as he comes upon it, a picture of you. You hadn’t known the picture was taken, the camera looked to be up higher as you smiled on the phone with someone, no top since you had been in the dressing room. 

This must have been the night Tangerine called to tell you he was returning, you had teased him by telling him you were changing. “Oh bloody hell.”

“Imsorryimsorry imsorry-” The man sobs and Tangerine rolls his eyes and aims the gun he had hidden in his waistline. 

“I’m not.”

surely makes you lose your mind

(Life in the fast lane) yeah

(Life in the fast lane) everything all the time

(Life in the fast lane) a-ha

Four months later you are welcoming him home from a trip, jumping on him the second he crosses the door and tightening around him like a koala. “I. Missed. You.”

The words were said between kisses and he would have answered in same but instead he just carried you to the room with his lips crashing against yours and diving onto the bed. 

“I brought somethin back for ya.” He finally answers, panting to catch his breath when he pulls back from the kiss, pulling out a small ring he had stolen from a store. “Think ya might want it?”

(As per usual I'm nervous and hope you like it. Btw I'm a slut for comments so please comment! And send in your character + song requests before Sunday)

#tangerine #tangerine bullet train x reader #tangerine bullet train angst #tangerine bullet train #tangerine bullet train imagine #tangerine bullet train smut #tangerine angst #tangerine imagine #tangerine smut #bullet train #bullet train imagine #bullet train smut

[horrorscoupes]

im supposed to be writing a term paper rn but instead im gonna explain why regulus’ listener does not need a dedicated name because ive been pondering it for like. a year

cw: the usual dehumanizing/demeaning/manipulative/etc regulus shit 👍

the biggest and most overarching theme of regulus’ storyline is and always has been a comparison of love and obsession/possessiveness, especially now that we’ve gotten some extra info on the guy they were seeing before regulus came back from the slammer. obviously there is something so incredibly wrong with him- both because he’s Like That but also because in a patreon stream erik said smth to the effect of “oh just wait until you see how he ended up like that” which to me means that something either deeply traumatizing or catastrophic led to regulus being the mangy beast he is today. <- this is supported (in my opinion) by how rampantly insecure he is shown throughout all of his videos, most noticeably in the beginning when he’s vulnerable about how he’s been lonely too (“I don’t want you to be nervous when you’re with me. I want you to feel safe. At home. Because that’s how you make me feel. You make me feel so warm inside. It’s been a very long time since I felt that way.” [Yandere Invisible Man Makes You His Forever (11:10)]). that quote among many others lends to the theory and idea that something happened to him/one of his charges/etc that irreparably affected his ability to maintain healthy boundaries. all of that is obvious tho.

i think that regulus choosing his listener as his charge (as opposed to being assigned to them as ive seen some people on here say)(“I believe they were not his official charge, but he has now kind of taken them on as an unofficial one… …They were not his-- they were never an official charge of his, but, y’know they are… He would now consider them a charge. I don’t know that they would agree.” Working on the Train Model and Hanging Out (2:34:00)) was very deliberate, since it’s very clear that for as long as he was in their house the first time, no one was overwhelmingly worried about their absence from the outside world. that isn’t to say that no one was worried at all, we still don't know how he got caught, but it’s obvious that his preying on them had to do with their predisposed social isolation. this is clear to me because he watched them for a great deal of time before he ever intervened. 

before i get to the main point i also want to chime in on the ever present discourse of how he managed not to starve to death. in my opinion, there are two equally likely scenarios for his first stint with them, with one being far more likely for the second stint. his listener had close to no mental strength before him, and certainly did have much during his stay with them, so there’s no particular evidence that could prove he Never Ever put them to sleep (or just left them magically paralyzed) and left to filter feed out in the real world for a bit. i don’t know how likely that is after he got out of prison, but i don’t think it’s entirely out of the question. the second, probably more likely, possibility is that after days/weeks/months of nonstop love-bombing, physical affection, and manipulating regulus’ listener Did enjoy being with him. not in a conscious or happy sort of way, but by way of their body and brain reacting positively to his presence. when you don’t have anyone else, even an abuser can be a point of relief.

FINALLY onto the topic that i started word-vomiting over in the first place. i think that the most articulate and correct way to refer to them is as “regulus’ listener” for one very specific reason. i think that they are purposefully nameless. he doesnt call them by petnames or by their actual name because they don’t need it. they are not a person to him, they are a possession. he wrote over their memories of their boyfriend, wiping away the way him calling them “sweetie” made them feel, because he will never call them that in any kind way. 

his most recent video gave A LOT of context to their living arrangement and the way that he controls them on a day-to-day basis (as all of my friends have suffered through hearing about lol). and i think that the context we learned is really important when set against all of the other manipulatorcore characters we get to see on there. it seems very vital that his listener has no name and no identity, but he still requests their permission to “help” them (“I can rework these memories. I can make them feel better than you could ever imagine. Mine. I can help. I can fix this. Can I help? Will you let me help? Please let me help.” Possessive Yandere Demon Rewrites Your Memories (4:03)). in doing this he offers them autonomy that he has no obligation to give, but he still won’t give them a name. because, as he calls them 52 times in that one video, the only thing they will ever be to him is “Mine.” 

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted regulus #no hate to people that give them a name obv you guys have fun

[spacemooshroom]

I can see through you

Chapter 1 (you're here) Chapter 2

Satan/gn! MC (they/them pronouns)

Third person POV (both Satan and MC)

2280 words

Kind of angst?? I guess?? It's more of an exploration of Satan and MC's feelings at the beginning of Nightbringer

At first, MC was far more concerned about going back to their time rather than rebuilding their relationships, but Nightbringer, the cause of all their current troubles, had specifically "explained" that rebuilding their relationships was exactly what they had to do.

And it wasn't exactly easy.

The hardest person to get close to was, in fact, the person in a situation similar to theirs:

Satan.

Uhh not really spoilers tbh except for a brief mention about Simeon's situation in the late lessons of the og Obey me and uhh spoilers for one of the early lessons in NB? Early as in around lesson 8 I can't be bothered to check which one rn

This is my first time posting my writing anywhere so please be nice lmao

Also english isn't my first language so there's that

Yeah so I haven't gotten very far in Nightbringer but I got this idea about how Satan and MC were in similar situations in NB and thus this was born

This part is purely platonic but I do intend to make it romantic as it goes on so yeah enjoy :))

It was quite a bizarre situation.

Bizarre as in familiar and unfamiliar all the same.

MC couldn't help being reminded of when they first arrived at the Devildom- as a human exchange student and not as a lost and confused demon; Lucifer and his brothers were wary of them again, Luke was complaining about the demons, Simeon was trying to make the best of a bad deal, Diavolo and Barbatos seemed all too pleased with the situation MC had found themselves in, and Solomon was... still shady.

All of that felt familiar, but unfamiliar feelings started with their new room, at their new house, with their new roommate.

Who would have thought MC would come to miss the ruckus at the House of Lamentation?

And sure, it was funny to see Mammon and Luke bicker with each other; the young angel calling Mammon all sorts of pg-7 insults while the demon answered back with the same type of insults, but MC felt a pang of pain in their chest every time it was at them who Luke looked at with fear in his eyes, when it used to be them who Luke would go at seeking refugee from the demons "torturing" him.

And seeing Simeon so nostalgic felt strange as well, especially knowing the fate that the Simeon from their time fared.

It once was MC who asked millions of questions to Diavolo and Barbatos, while it was now the pair who tried to pry answers from them; answers they either didn't have or were strictly forbidden by Solomon to share.

Lying to all of them, to their family was the worst feeling in the world.

And even after revealing the truth about their nature, they still felt guilt.

And it felt even worse to see everyone around them with their already built relationships, something MC would have to make from scratch all over again.

At first, MC was far more concerned about going back to their time rather than rebuilding their relationships, but Nightbringer, the cause of all their current troubles, had specifically "explained" that rebuilding their relationships was exactly what they had to do.

And it wasn't exactly easy.

The hardest person to get close to was, in fact, the person in a situation similar to theirs:

Satan.

The young demon wanted nothing to do with his "brothers" or the angels or the demon prince and his butler or the shady sorcerer said butler hated for some unknown reason.

And especially, he wanted nothing to do with his "attendant" who was supposed to help him around the Devildom.

Satan didn't want help.

He wanted the exact opposite, in fact.

Rage consumed him day and night. His own rage confused him and exhausted him.

His mere existence was as exhausting for him as it was for his brothers.

None of them wanted to care for him, and the feeling was mutual.

What did Satan truly want? He didn't know, but he did know that whatever was going on in his life at the moment was not it.

Half his life wasn't even his own, it was part of an angel-turned-demon who due to his rage, created a being on his own and had the pride to call his, his brother.

Satan loathed Lucifer as much as he loathed himself. Hating Lucifer made his rage complete; his whole existence, his whole being was consumed by his own rage.

And he was punished by his rage.

Punished by his own nature.

Satan felt as if his brothers hated his mere existence, as if all they could make out of him was his rage.

Was it all that made him?

His rage? His resentment?

He wished he knew.

He felt like a stranger in his own body, in his own mind.

He hated feeling this way. He hated feeling like an extension of someone's worst feelings, and he absolutely despised anyone else viewing him as such.

He was a stranger in his own body, in his own mind, in his own family.

And MC could relate to that.

The way they presented themselves to the brothers and to everyone else made them feel strange, distant, different.

They were both strangers in the place they were placed at, neither of them feeling like they belonged, neither of them wanting to belong, yet both of them being forced to find themselves amongst everyone else.

MC knew how Satan felt. They knew very well about Satan's insecurities and fears, as he had laid them out to them.

He didn't feel like a stranger in his family in the present time anymore, yet MC recalled Satan telling them just how horrible it was for him when he was just created.

They could see it in him, how he would purposely distance himself from his family so as to not make them boil over, to not make himself boil over.

And they hated seeing him like this. Satan did distance himself from his brothers every once in a while in their time; whenever he felt close to bursting, but he was able to control it fairly well.

But in the past? Satan was still figuring out the mechanics of being alive and how to handle himself.

Which is why more often than not he ended up being chained up in a closet by his brothers.

MC empathized with him the most. And so they tried to get close to him.

But he didn't make it easy.

He hated the idea of being alive, yet he hated the idea of having someone help him how the whole being alive thing worked.

He snapped at MC every time they approached him, and he did everything he could to stay away from them.

But they didn't make it easy.

..................................................................

It was still early. The sky was still an orange-purple-ish tone, and the birds were starting to sing their song. Half of his brothers were still in bed, yet there it was, the knocking on the door Satan had come to know.

Tap-tippytaptap-tap-tap

The knocking on the door he had come to hate.

He let out a groan from his place in the dining room, where he sat alone, and walked down the hallway to receive the attendant.

When they first started coming, Satan didn't even respond to their knocking, but he had learned that if they were left waiting at the door for long enough, their tap-tippytaptap-tap-tap's only got louder and louder the longer they were left waiting.

If they were waiting long enough, they just started calling their D.D.D.s.

One by one.

Besides, if he purposely left the attendant waiting outside, Lucifer would just yell at him as soon as he found out they weren't let in as soon as they arrived.

Yeah, Satan didn't need to deal with the guy's yelling so early on.

So, despite his disgust and complete discontent to receive them, he went to open the door.

And there he found them.

His annoying attendant, a smile on their face as soon as the door was opened.

"Good morning, Satan! How did you sleep today?"

Their cheery tone annoyed him to no end.

"Good"

It wasn't true, but he had learned that if he told the truth, and told them that he was plagued by nightmares about memories that didn't even belong to him all night long, they would just start asking him questions about his wellbeing and listing remedies he could try against insomnia.

Their smile just got wider.

"Great!"

After that, they both went silent.

If they were expecting him to ask how their night was, they'd be waiting until the cows came home.

Despite his reluctance to have a conversation, their smile never faded, and they went on to say:

"So, may I come in?"

Satan shrugged, feeling the anger bubbling up in him already.

He stepped aside without saying a word, and they entered the house with a bounce to their step.

He shut the door behind him, and turned around to go back to the dining room when the attendant said:

"By the way, I have something for you"

He turned around, a dumbfounded "what?" leaving him and a puzzled expression on his face.

It was only then that he noticed the book they were carrying.

He approached them, eyeing the book warily.

It was fairly old and torn, the leather covers eaten away by time.

MC presented the book to him, a grin plastered on their face at his curious expression.

On the cover, there was the engraving of a cat, laying down on a meadow.

Satan traced the engraving with his fingers, mesmerized by the creature portrayed in it.

"What is...?"

"Solomon has a lot of books in Cocytus Hall," they started explaining. "I was looking around the library the other day, when I found this book. I asked Solomon about it, and he explained to me that it's the story of the day-to-day life of a man through his cat's eyes"

Satan's eyes started to glimmer with their words.

"I skimmed through it, and found it quite interesting. It depicts the life of this man, with a life most mundane, but from his cat's point of view, his life suddenly becomes much more exciting"

"Solomon is also a fan of cats, you see," they smiled. "He read this book a long time ago, and when he explained to me what it was about, the first thing I thought about was you"

Satan started at their words.

"Me?" He asked. "Why would you think of me?"

The attendant giggled. By Diavolo, he hated them.

"What do you mean 'why would I think of you?'? I recall how fascinated you were with that cat we found a few days ago"

Satan recalled their meeting. They talked for a while and he got to pet a creature he had come to love in a short amount of time, a cat.

"I assume you already made your research about cats," They were right, of course, but why would they assume that about him? And how were they right about him? "So, I figured, now that you know more about them, you'd be interested in this book"

They presented him the book once again, and he hesitated before taking it.

"Is it really okay for me to have it? I mean, I don't want Solomon up my ass for keeping one of his books"

They let out a laugh, and their eyes crinkled on the corners and glimmered with mirth.

Foul.

"I specifically asked him if you could have it, and he assured me he was happy you'd have it. He did, however, ask me to ask you to tell him what you thought about the book after you read it"

He scoffed.

"Sure, I'll let him know"

Their eyes softened.

"And do let me know if you enjoy the book as well. I haven't read it myself, so I might ask you to lend it to me once you finish it"

He shrugged again.

"Sure, I will"

They gave him a smile and then they both went silent once again.

"I'll go check on Lucifer, then"

Like clockwork, every morning they were there, they would first go to Lucifer's office to ask him about their plans that day, so they could schedule their day according to theirs.

Satan nodded, and they started walking down the hallway with that bounce on their step again when he croaked:

"MC?"

They turned around, shock in their face that went away as fast as it appeared.

"Yes?"

"Thank you, for, uh- the book"

What?

They grinned at him.

"You're welcome!"

They turned back around and disappeared around a corner.

What was that?

Why did he stutter?

And why did he thank them?

He looked down at the book in his hands, and stared at the intricate design on the cover.

He opened the book and skimmed through the pages. Despite the cover appearing old and withered, its pages were in perfect condition.

Perhaps Solomon had placed a spell on it to keep its contents intact.

Whatever the case, Satan was glad to have something new to read.

It was written in a human language he identified as sumerian.

He was still perfecting his human language knowledge, but he felt confident enough to be able to read it.

And even then, he enjoyed a challenge.

He couldn't wait to get started in his new book.

He walked the path to his room, a light smile on his face.

..................................................................

"Sure, I'd love to give it to him, but don't you want to read it first?"

"Solomon," they started "I don't know sumerian"

"And are you sure Satan does?"

"The Satan from our time definitely does"

Solomon was taken aback. "How do you know he knows sumerian?"

"Because he once lent me a book that was written in sumerian, and when I tried to explain to him that I didn't know the language, he just said: 'what do you mean you don't know sumerian? You're a human, and besides, sumerian is very easy to learn'"

"He's right, though," Solomon teased "what are they teaching in school nowadays that you don't know sumerian?"

"It's a dead language!"

"Latin is also a dead language, but you do study it in school"

"Okay, yeah, I'm not doing this"

Solomon chuckled and ruffled their hair.

"You know I'm just teasing"

They rolled their eyes and smiled.

"So, can I take it to Satan then?"

"Of course" he smiled "I'm sure he'll like the gesture"

MC sighed. "I really hope so"

..................................................................

"So do you want me to teach you sumerian?"

"I do need you to help me read the book once Satan finishes it"

"So you do want me to teach you sumerian"

"Okay, fine! Whatever!"

..................................................................

This had me searching for the world's oldest languages and yeah sumerian is one of them, if you didn't know

This is me trying to make a sense of the canon timeline even though it is a complete mess but anyway yeah Solomon managed to own a book written in sumerian. Don't think too much about it

I'd really appreciate feedback and just comments so if you have anything to say just do so thank you :))

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me satan #obey me mc #obey me lucifer #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me fanfic #satan x mc #obey me satan x mc #satan x gn!mc #obey me satan x gn!mc #obey me gn!mc #mush writes stuff #obm

[aho-dapa]

TW: vent

No, because ACOFAS is genuinely so sadistic in its treatment of Tamlin. I'm actually deep in my depression rn and just all of that, all of those scenes of Rhys being heartless, genuinely sickening. Genuinely.

Listen, I'm probably projecting, but Tamlin is portrayed to have such a deep loneliness and depression (unlike Feyre's whose can be argued to be healed through love) and as someone who's depression doesn't go away for shit, I actually relate to him in this aspect. He's such a comfort character to me. Like I don't even know how to explain.

And I try to like Feyre, I know I did at some point, but like all of sjm's fucking characters, I lose them at some point. I even try to like Rhys. But I love Tamlin. And I actually hate that I'm in a fandom that literally won't treat people with respect over this. I hate that I actually relate more to a character that's actively villainized by the same narrative he was once celebrated in. I hate sjm's shoddy fucking attempts at mental health. I hate that I've come to find out that I both love and hate this series for some godforsaken reason.

In sjm's characterization of Tamlin as a villain she makes such a relatable character to me. And I haven't even gotten into how disgusting this series is sometimes. Everything with Tamlin feels like a desecration of writing, of the care put into writing, of the sacred feeling of creating. Of parading a dark fantasy with makeshift plot and calling it healing. It's a fucking massacre.

And I know that I've never gotten that deep of what writing means to me, it's literally my purpose in life, it's what helps me wake up in the morning. And I don't mean to say people can't write wish fulfillment books but fuck, sjm's books feel like personal fuck you sometimes with mental health.

I wish I could read this series for fun. I wish I could. I wish that I could separate what this book meant to me when I was going through personal shit. Because for all that I hate these books, some part of me loves the characters she's made. The fact that the characters I love in this series are shit on in canon is actually really tragic.

I wish I could look at Papa Archeron and not see a depressed disabled man. I wish I could look at Tamlin and not see my darkest moments. I wish I could like the wish fulfillment story sjm is trying to write.

I most of all, out of everything, I just wish this series acknowledged what it was. It's like, by putting out the message that these books are about abuse, it actively tells people to pay attention. It's about changing my mindset dark fic to hey I want to actually say something to you, and the message sjm says is actually fucking hurtful?

I say this again, because this series had the audacity to tell me to take it seriously only to spit in my face and my actual real life experiences.

Like, I don't know if I'm explaining this well, and I generally never get this heated about a series, but it gets a bit difficult sometimes to act 'professional' in my opinions when this series genuinely upsets me sometimes?? Yknow, like, yeah I'm gonna continue reading it, and I'll probably enjoy it too. But I'm also going to hate it. It's strange and I don't really understand it.

In the end, I feel like I'm reading dark fic (not seriously) when I'm reading it but then it zaps me right back into telling me to take it seriously and I just, it's exhausting sometimes. And tbh, most of this is the fandom.

Excuse my language, but sjm can actually do fuck all at this point, I don't care, but it does matter when this fandom cannot be kind. Like actually pause to think about anon hate. I honestly don't need some stranger calling me an abuse apologist for liking a fictional character after the shit I have actually gone through.

And if you've made it this far into this rant, I'm gonna be fine. I just needed to acknowledge that this series, mostly the fandom, is actually shitty, and I'm sure some other people agree.

#i also HATE the tamlin apologist thing #its literally in the name #gods #pro tamlin #i guess #acotar era

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

First of all, no worries lol. It's taken me literal months to respond to people sometimes, and not for any good reason so I'd say you're fine.

Anyways, with that out of the way let me just say I find that interesting. Kiri, to me, has always come off as someone who attaches herself to one place. In my experience, there's a difference between being able to adapt/connect anywhere you go and truly being a traveler at heart, and Kiri strikes me as the former. She yearns to dig deeper into her knowledge and connections regarding her home and thrives on the familiarity of the people, plants, and animals around her whereas I feel like Lo'ak needs to travel, needs to get out from under his father and brother's shadows. To just exist and be himself, find himself and his place without all of the history surrounding his birthplace. That's not to say I think Kiri doesn't like experiencing new things, I just see her as a very nostalgic and sentimental person who finds peace in the plants and animals and people she's known her whole life.

Ikr! I don't know why I haven't seen a single fic about it yet, but rest assured I have a doc opened rn (I feel like my wip list is just getting longer and longer dude). Little fun fact about me: I took horseback riding lessons for a good 5.5 years and so I'll be leaning heavily on those experiences for how Spider approaches his own riding experiences as a human (with obvious differences). There's something to be said for the feeling of a creature so much more powerful than yourself under you, having to be conscious of its every move, every action---the flick of its ears, the position of its head, etc.---- without being able to know for sure it's true thoughts or emotions but trusting it anyways that brings you closer to it in a way I can't explain, even with the ones you don't get along with. And I want that for Spider, I want him to embrace his humanity in this.

He doesn't end up in Awa'atlu at first for the ilu racing one, no. I've got a good idea what I want from this fic in the beginning, but what happens after he escapes is something I'm still pondering. I know for a fact I wouldn't want this to be a story where he stumbles upon Awa'atlu, though, if I end up writing it. I'm thinking maybe he ends up back at that one village and goes from there?

And I figured I'd tell you about another fic I'm working on as we speak because I'd love your thoughts: a world where Paz actually died back on Earth, but per a contract she signed giving away her memories (which she logged regularly) she was revived in an avatar body and put in the newest program. In this program, males and females are paired together to have children (for less than wholesome reasons). A big part of this is Paz being haunted by her experiences on Earth and not wanting to be a mother because of it, and she struggles to come to terms with it over the course of her pregnancy and the early days after Spider is born, along with being in this alien body that doesn't feel like hers. I think that by the time she's gotten pregnant with the 2nd child (they're going for a boy and girl per pairing) and is coming out of her numb fog, she's begun to truly think about the horrific future that awaits Spider and her unborn baby (spurred on by the threat of killing it if it's not a girl) and ends up plotting their escape and running away. Throughout the story thus far she's bonded with the other women in the program and comes to learn about motherhood and what it means to her, and when she escapes she takes the others with her and they make their own little family before eventually running into the Omaticaya and slowly becoming friendly. I'm playing around with timelines and stuff because I think it'd be interesting to compare her and Neytiri's and Grace's experiences with motherhood, which would be so interesting to write about (Grace doesn't die until later in this world, don't wanna give away the death I'm leaning towards though). I'm taking inspiration from the poetry book 40 Weeks and more, and I love the concept but am still working out the kinks. Thoughts? Still very much in the early phases.

Also, I saw you briefly mention my memory-loss idea and I'd like to say that that brought me literal physical pain. Why, you may ask? Well because my one and only doc of the draft I was merrily working on (around 10+ pages of gorgeous notes/early rough-draft work, which for me is astounding since I tend to just ball) was deleted??? And I don't know the fuck how???? 1000 emotional damage points.

And I'm so happy to hear you've taken inspiration from fmdttpt's world! Your idea sounds so fun!

~ CherryApollo

Haha, thank you, and I'm sorry I've done it again. I've been so busy with my new job that I am swamped all the time, lol. I'm bad at responding anyway but my job is making it even worse.

BUT ANYWAYS. I love your interpretations of the characters, I just love when people think of or experience characters differently but in a way that still fits to me. For Kiri, I've just always seen her feeling at home anywhere that Eywa is, and wanting to experience every part of her. Every way she can feel her or be expressed, explore different plants and animals and nature and study and be a part of it the way her mom would've wanted to. And I just think Lo'ak gets bored easily lol.

I looove the horse comparison, it's shocking no one has written this fic yet! You have a ton going but it's okay because I'm excited for all of them. Humans are experts at taming and riding shit, why can't he, especially something as intelligent as an ikran.

Hmm, okay, the village makes sense. They would be able to tell Tonowari and therefore the Sully's real fucking fast through, so it would be kinda similar to him finding Awa'atlu. You coullllld have him escape in the forest and find the Sully's missing? I've always wanted one of those fics.

That's a really interesting idea! I personally don't care much for Paz as a character, or stories about her, but that is a very cool idea and I'd definitely check it out to see where it goes.

NO NO YOUR MEMORY LOSS FIC IS ONE I'VE BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT, THAT'S THE SADDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD. Google doc man, I only use google docs.

And thank u for being chill with me getting inspired by/using it! I'm trying to catch up on all my asks today (answer but not post, I schedule those), so hopefully I'll be faster to answer you next time! I'm excited to hear how your works are going!

#i swear the asks are coming i'm catching up and i'm scheduling them i promise #kiri sully #miles spider socorro #lo'ak sully #spider socorro #spider sully #paz socorro #grace augustine #tonowari #ronal #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa's asks #melissa on avatar (cameron)

[taylortruther]

sorry to vent but i honestly am just so damn tired atp of having to desperately cover everything in disclaimers and constantly perform outrage just to be allowed to exist in fandom spaces now as a black fan. like my original mindset was just that it’s disappointing but i don’t and can’t expect celebrities to perfectly mirror my values, and with all the actual problems in my life and the world - including racism that actually affects my real life AND things i have the ability to potentially do something about - i wasn’t going to spend my time and energy being furious that a pop star i’ll never meet is fucking an edgelord i’ll never meet either. like i’m sorry but i already compartmentalized all this YEARS ago and have zero expectations of celebrities so it’s just whatever to me. if taylor herself was spewing racist comments or if matty was actually some white supremacist nazi and not just an intentionally provocative edgy douchebag it would be different, but TO ME PERSONALLY the actual situation as it is is just not that serious and not worth my outrage.

but am i, one of those ‘poc fans’ everyone is constantly falling all over themselves to declare themselves supportive of and ‘safe’ for, allowed to feel that way as one of the people actually targeted by that idiot’s dumbass comments? NOPE! you best believe people were FURIOUS that i thought i could get away with not performing Angry Black Woman Rage for them every single time i want to simply engage in my hobby and discuss fun things, or analyze surprise songs, or express empathy for taylor in any circumstance, or just do anything that isn’t ranting 24/7 that she’s terrible and racist and irredeemable. so now every time i want to do any of those things i have to write 6000 disclaimers that yes taylor is awful and no i don’t like matty just so overwhelmingly white fans won’t yell at me that i’m not really black (an accusation i’ve now gotten three separate times), or that i’m hurting other poc by “condoning racism” (which i have not done), or that i’m so far up taylor’s ass i would still stan her even if she personally called me the n-word (the final straw that made me turn anon off probably for good) and idk it’s just…not fun being here anymore now that everyone is just going to treat me like a doll who’s only here for them to virtue signal with (and ‘virtue signaling’ is a terrible term but like that is truly, genuinely what a huge chunk of this fandom is doing rn), claiming to obsessively care about my feelings and fandom experience so they’ll look good but then berating and scolding me every single time i step a toe out of line and try to express my own opinion or commit the grave sin of Enjoying Taylor Swift On My Taylor Swift Blog. like sure taylor disappointed me but it’s other (again, overwhelmingly white) fans who have completely ruined being here and made it a miserable chore to be a black fan, not her. atp I just want her to drop him and everyone to forget not bc he sucks but bc i just want to be allowed to exist peacefully on my own blog again, without having to constantly walk on eggshells so the people who ~care about marginalized fans~ won’t come call me a stupid brainless bitch who lets taylor manipulate me because i’m a self-hating racist. i’m just so tired.

i am tired too and i am really grateful to you for writing all this out (i hope it felt a little cathartic) because i 100% AGREEEEEEEEEE. the way this fandom acts anytime they start talking about uplifting poc will never not be weird to me and i think you explained why perfectly.

#like maybe this will only make sense to you anon #but i'm always just thinking 'it's not that deep' fjadskl #of course racism is deep but we aren't being anti-racist if we're just being bitchy about fandom shit on here #hot taykes

[panda-writing]

A/N: So this is an idea I got like last night. And I wanted to write it into something before I forgot it. I had a few ideas on how I planned to finish it. And it's very different from those ideas.

I was gonna add more to it, and make it more angst, but I got the fluff feels, and it ended up being more of a fluff piece at the end.

But, I did leave it open ended incase I ever come back to it and get more ideas.

Oh, one more thing. This is about my main OC I'm writing a huge story on rn. And her ship is Rex, because that's the one I typically do with her. ((Sometimes I do Fives, but I think Rex and Amaya balance each other out a bit more because my girl is unfiltered chaos at times))

Type: OC x Captain Rex

Story type: Fluff, Angst /Ficlet

And the beginning starts a little dramatic again because I have been doing that a lot more lately.

(And here's this header of Ryder I made because I briefly mention him in the story-

Calling this: Knowing (Rex x Amaya)

It had been only a few weeks.

But the time... It was like a silence.

And it felt so loud.

They lost people before.

He's lost brothers. And she's lost friends.

But this was different.

So much different.

It was in the way it happened. And.... It was Fives.

It was Fives.

That made all the difference in the world somehow.

He had been trained as a soldier. He was expected to move on.. But it was hard.

And then again.. Amaya didn't want him too.

The same thing happened when Echo died. She didn't want them to force themselves to move on.

Maybe it's why he's never heard a clone say a bad thing about her. She was always there for them.

The worst thing he'd heard was that she could be reckless. A fact she clearly had known well, as she said it herself multiple times.

But in the same way, it's what had him worried right now.

She was usually more of a talker. Happier.

Of course, the affect of the war was a likely cause too. But he knew better.

He knew her after all.

After Fives... She had barely spoken to him. It worried him. And brought out paranoia from deep within that he never knew existed in his own mind.

She'd tell him though. Right?

If she was mad at him. Or the even more alarming possibility, If there were regrets or second thoughts...

But she hadn't said anything of that inclination.

She hadn't said anything at all.

They spoke the day it happened. But she hadn't said much on her own feelings. She was more worried about him.

That... Was in her nature. But at this very moment, it had his nerves at an all time high.

She stayed with him and comforted him. She had always been open in telling him and his brothers that it was okay to feel.

Some clones still stuck closer to their programming in that regard.

He knew she wasn't technically supposed to go through her emotions the way most nat horns were either. In some cases the Jedi were unhappy with her disregard... For, well anything.

She would break rules or disobey command if she thought there was a better way. She openly told (him) that she thought the code was stupid at times. And her openness to emotion, she had explained was also against it.

But this far in the war, she really didn't seem to care too much anymore.

After what happened with Fives.. The next time Rex had actually gotten to see Amaya was around 2 weeks later. And that's when he noticed her acting strange. Especially in the way she wasn't speaking.

Well, outside of their duty-bound responsibilities. Because that aspect did.

It wasn't the same though.

Rex was looking through the outside of the window. It was a little quiet right now. The bridge on a Venator usually was, save for when there was a battle.

Or if Skywalker was there-

Rex was lost in thought, he almost didn't notice it as Ryder came behind him and tapped his shoulder.

He was the Commander of Amaya's legion. He wouldn't usually try to figure it out this way... But it was one sure way to figure what was going on..

"Hey Rex, do you have a minute?" He asked

"Y-yeah. Sure. What's going on?" He answered, quickly gaining composure.

Ryder was subtle as he glanced around the bridge area.

"You know- actually, it might be better if I show you." He excused

He was a better liar than a lot of clones. Of course, he had lots of practice considering he was constantly covering for his general since the beginning of the war.

"Okay.." Rex said, following him out.

There was nothing there. This earned Ryder an eyebrow raise.

"Rex, are you okay?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I swear I could feel the tension in the air, and obviously I'm not a Jedi but-" Ryder cut himself off

"There's something on your mind, right?"

"It could be nothing. I've had a lot on my mind lately." Rex excused

Now, it was Ryder's turn to give Rex a look. It was really more of a side-eye than a specific look.

"You really think I don't know you by now, vod?" he questioned

"Besides... If you don't think it's nothing, then it probably isn't. Mind telling me what's going on?"

"You never know, maybe I can help.."

He didn't exactly have many better options here, but it was still better that no one knew about his relationship with the general, so he'd be keeping it as vague as possible without being suspicious about it.

"Have you noticed anything off about the General lately?" he asked

Okay, so he hadn't exactly meant to get straight to the point, but here he was.

"I mean, personally I've always found there to be something off about Skywalker, and I mean that's saying something considering how my own can be at times, but-"

He was quickly cut off.

"I was talking about yours, actually.." Rex said all while giving him a look about making comments about his own general.

"Oh-"

Ryder cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Though... Now that you mention it... Pierce has been a lot less, well.. herself recently."

"She doesn't joke around a lot lately. More focused on getting through with the mission and whatever. But I didn't ask, because I figured she'd tell me if there was a problem. She's always pretty open with that kind of stuff."

It was good to know it wasn't just him, but it still wasn't a great feeling.

"She's been like this since what happened with Fives-" His expression widened and he cut himself off as he realized he'd said it out loud.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Ryder sighed as he looked down, but Rex patted his shoulder.

"Don't be sorry. What happened.... affected a lot of us." 

"I don't know if there's much I can do to help... But maybe it would help if you talked to her? She values your insight and friendship as much as mine. I'm sure she'd talk, if she realized it was from a place of concern." He offered

Yeah... Friendship. That was one word for it.

"It's worth a shot." Rex said

Sometimes Ryder thought there was something going on in the back of his mind. But he never cared enough to try and figure out if there was or wasn't.

Things were complicated enough lately, he'd rather the one thing that didn't feel that way to just... stay that way.

He tried reaching her on her comm.

After the second or third time, she finally answered. 

'If you could really call that a response'

"Hey."

Was she mad at him? She didn't sound mad, but it was always hard to tell with Jedi. Then again... he never seemed to have that problem with her..

"Uh hi... Do you have a minute to talk?" he asked

"Not really, I'm working on some stuff right now."

"It's important." He sighed

Now he definitely felt like he had to ask her.

He could hear her sigh over the other end.

"Okay."

"But It's gonna have to be quick. I have a lot of stuff to get done."

"Right." Rex said

"Where are you?"

"I'll meet you- actually.." she said

Her tone seemed odd, but he'd let it go, for now.

"Uh... meet me at..."

"We'll go to the briefing room-"

Okay, so it was obvious he was making this up as he went along. He had his doubts she even noticed, considering her lack of reaction to pretty much anything he said right now.

She didn't think much of it as she made her way over. She figured it was just stuff about their current missions, otherwise she may not have even come. 

She really didn't want to take a break from all of this, but in all truth... she had nothing. All she had was her gut feeling. And she was basically grasping at straws here.

She walked in with her datapad incase she got there first. 

Of course, she hadn't. He was already there.

There was a look on his face, but what was it? Was he worried..?

Focus.

"Uh.. Hey Rex."

"Hey." he walked up to her, making sure the door was shut so no one could hear him talk about how he was breaking multiple GAR regulations.

"You called?" she asked cutting to the chase.

"Yeah. I did."

He looked at her face. He hadn't specifically seen her in a few days... And right now she just looked tired. 

Instead of starting how he was going to, he looked on in concern and asked "When was the last time you slept?"

"I don't know. I'm not really that worried about it right now." She said in a nonchalant tone of voice

"Anyway, what did you need?"

What he needed was her to stop...

"I wasn't planning on asking about it like this, but I don't see any other way right now."

This was a them thing, she finally realized.

And it seemed to late to run off to avoid anything to deal with her mess of emotions surrounding her mind right now. Of course, if she had run off he'd either think he'd done something wrong, or likely catch her, and she had a feeling he was very capable of doing so if he really wanted to.

"I don't want to think about it right now." she sighed

He looked directly into her eyes, she avoided the eye contact.

"And why is that?" He challenged

"It has nothing to with you, But I can't... Not right now." 

"Do I get an actual answer? I've allowed you to essentially, ignore me for weeks upon weeks. I've hashed it out to you just needing space because of what happened with Fives..."

"But you can't keep avoiding me.." He hated how it felt, and being told that he wasn't gonna get a real answer had only made it worse

"It's not that simple." she turned and held her hand against her forehead for a moment.

he chuckled in a way that sounded both unamused and offended.

"If you think this is getting resolved without you telling me whatever the hell is going on with you, I suggest you reconsider that idea."

"I can't, okay?"

"I could and would tell you anything else, but I can't with this. Even trying to look into- It doesn't matter. Please just drop it." 

"Like hell." he said sternly

"You're not gonna keep doing this, whatever it is."

"All it feels like now... is that I did something wrong, or you're mad at me."

"And it sucks."

She never wanted to hurt him...

But what choice did she have in this scenario? If someone finds out what she's doing, and for some reason they figure out he had even the smallest amount of knowledge on it... She'd be taking him down along with her.

"You know..."

"I just wasn't convinced by it."

"What are you talking about?" He asked

"I don't know if I can say... If this goes wrong.. I can't risk involving you."

"What are you up to?" He squinted at her

"Oh the usual, war crimes and breaking multiple laws."

 That- that was kind of a joke.

And before now, he'd have been happy she was making jokes. But now, he definitely wasn't in the mood for that.

Especially considering the fact that anyone who really knew her, would also know that she often used jokes to deflect.

"That's not funny."

'Guf'nor'i, He's pissed.' (Expletive in her native language closely related to fuck, but not quite)

She nervously looked down.

"It's for Fives." and that's where she planned to leave it, but she should've known better than to think he'd just leave it there.

His expression softened, but now it was confused.

"Rex.. I don't even have any proof of anything."

"But he was one of my closest friends... If there's even the possibility he might be right. It is more than just duty for me to figure that out."

"What do you mean?" He asked

"What are you doing?" 

She refused to go into too much detail. She wouldn't bring the person she loved more than anyone down with her if she was creating her own path of damnation.

"The inhibitor chips.. I just want to find out.."

"He was killed by a brother. After everything- He wasn't dangerous... He was just scared and I-" 

She looked away, she didn't want to cry again. Especially not in front of Rex. Fives would hurt him more than anyone else... Except for Echo, but now they were both gone.

"I wish he could've gotten that chance to explain.. If I find out anything.. or he's right... He'll get that chance through me."

And she meant every last word of it. 

There was much she didn't say. Including the fact that she thought the chancellor was full of shit by his explanation. Of course, she already hadn't trusted him for a bit, so it was even easier to doubt him than before.

But ever voicing that was kinda treasonous.

But she was tired... so tired..

She turned back to look at Rex and sighed before leaning her head against his chest.

"Do you ever get tired of it? All the fighting?"

"The death... Everyone we've lost?"

He sighed, pulling her into a tight hug.

It seemed like he needed it about as much as she did.

"I love you... and I'm so sorry for everything." She said quietly, the regret filled her voice.

he held his hand against her face, he moved his thumb against her cheek, "I love you too."

He understood why she didn't tell him. But at the same time didn't like the idea of her doing something that had the potential to get her in that much trouble..

"Please promise you'll talk to me from now on."

She couldn't lie to him..

"There's more to it. But I don't want to say anything else."

"You're exhausted... I think we all are to some capacity. But tell me someday... We've started this pretty much since the beginning of the war, I don't want to hurt you and I know you don't want to do that to me either.."

She was 19 then... Became a Jedi Knight younger than most. She knew it was mostly because they needed more Generals, and was very aware of the mistrust that surrounded her... Yet, she was still grateful.

Now she was 21. And so much had happened.

Sometimes she wasn't sure how she'd been able to stay this strong.

She cupped his cheek before kissing him.

He had missed her and didn't hesitate to kiss her back.

He wasn't sure this was exactly resolved... And that had him worried. Last thing he wanted was to have to worry about Amaya for the same reasons...

Eventually she broke it off so she could hold him closer.

And then she yawned.

"Okay, when did you really sleep last?"

"I have no idea."

"Take a break, you're guilty of overworking yourself. Same as you accuse me at times." He said

"Rex.."

"Yeah?"

"Are you busy, right now, I mean?" she asked

"No, not really.. I was just staring out of the window until I- Why do you ask?"

She took a hold of his hand.

"...right-" he said

So maybe he didn't always catch on right away.

She sat next to him against the backwall, there weren't exactly seats, so they just sat on the floor.

She mindlessly traced her thumb in circles against the back of his neck, as she held onto him.

"Get some rest, Mesh'la."

"I'll be fine... until tomorrow.. Besides, how else will I get to talk to you?"

He tilted his head, giving her that one specific expression. She was pretty sure this tact could be considered cheating. But he still got away with it-

She gently moved his head and kissed him again.

"You win this one." 

"I usually do." he said

"Don't fool yourself. Usually if you win, it's because I let you."

"I'm not convinced."

She chuckled before leaning against him.

He held her close and eventually, she fell asleep.

#reader/oc x captain rex #captain rex x oc #captain rex x reader #tcw fic #star wars the clone wars #amaya (oc) #captain rex x amaya (oc) #commander ryder (oc) #star wars fic

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hi can I have some advice?? In a little bit of a pickle rn.

So basically, I identify as aroace (like no attraction whatsoever end of both spectrums). My best friend, who we'll call S for the sake of making it easier, is somewhere on the spectrum (I don't remember where rn but it's not very important to the story). We have a mutual friend, A, who is allo. The three of us have been friends since around 3rd grade, and have gotten a lot closer due to sharing more classes over the past year or so. They're both lovely people.

Now, the problem arose a few days ago, when we were riding back from somewhere we'd gone for S's birthday together. It was cold, and because of where we'd gone I'd dressed up in a cape. So I put my arm and the cape over A's shoulder, so he wasn't cold and also because it was kinda funny. We joked around, I sent a selfie of us to the gc the three of us have captioned "No Hetero" (because I'm female and A's male, it was meant to be an adaptation of "No Homo"). All normal things.

Later that night, when I'm at home, S sends me this text:

"Hey uh

I don't want you to tell [A] or make hints bout it or anything

But he likes you now"

We talked, she told me that she told him I'm aroace (which, while technically outing me, I didn't mind because I trust them both and I'd sent the flag in the gc that night so he would've figured it out with a quick google search anyways), and said she'd tried her best to explain. Meanwhile, A is texting me saying that he's sad (I'd asked how he was doing after he asked me), and responding "I found out something really disappointing and discouraging abt a friend" and saying that "it's really private, sorry" when I pressed for more. Which I'm almost 100% sure is about me.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I love them both (/p) and I don't want our relationship to change at all. And so far it hasn't, but I can tell A's more down than usual now. I don't want to break my promise about talking about it to S, beside I don't really want to discuss it unless I have to and A doesn't know I know, but I also don't want to feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I'm so scared of losing my friendships to romance, and this just happened in the middle of a really big and stressful life event for me.

So far things are staying the same, and I'm really hopeful it continues that way. But I'm also very aware that we'll probably have to talk about it at some point, because it has definitely shifted our relationship, at least internally.

Idk, something about knowing that a friend had/has a crush on me completely changes my worldview. Before I was scared of losing friends because society has made us believe that friends and family are second to s/o. And while I do still fear that, I just realized that it's actually possible for this to happen where I'm the "s/o", and after someone gets rejected or breaks up, it's not common (at least in media) to see them just chilling as friends again.

So, yeah. That's the situation, if anyone has any sort of advice, I would be very grateful.

-Raven (signing in case of future updates)

These situations are definitely complicated. It does sound like A developed some feelings and is disappointed those feelings can't be reciprocated. Even though no one did anything wrong, it can still be hard to deal with a situation like this. I'd recommend taking your cues from A. So for example if A pretended that it wasn't the situation with you he was disappointed by, I'd take that as a sign he doesn't currently want to talk about it. But there may come a time in the future he does want to discuss it, or does want to talk about you being aroace, and I'd talk about it then. Sometimes people need a bit of time to deal with hurting feelings, and sometimes when that hurt subsides a bit, they may or may not want to talk and clear the air.

Similarly, sometimes in these situations, the person who caught feelings may want a bit of space to deal with those feelings. If this happens, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to be friends anymore, so don't panic. And give him whatever space he asks for, but make it clear you still care a lot about him.

Situations like these are going to be more up to A how things turn out, but the best thing you can do to preserve the friendship is just keep being A's friend. Be there for him, listen to him, etc.

Beware treating media like real life. I know of lots of real life examples where someone caught feelings for someone that weren't reciprocated, or dated someone and they broke up, and they stayed friends. These things depend a lot more on individual personality and what kind of dynamic the people involved have than anything else. And when rejection comes because the other person just isn't attracted to their gender, while it's not 100%, people do tend to be forgiving because it's not personal at all.

Remember too that you didn't do anything in this particular situation. You didn't cause him to be attracted to you, it's all just chance. And I'm sure A recognizes that too, so be careful you're not beating yourself up at all over this. Just do your best to be a supportive friend, and I think that's really all you can do in these types of situations.

All the best and good luck, Anon!

[beelzeballing]

fuck dude. i guess its time for an intro post. but only because i feel bad for all my mooties who know nothing about me. strap in ig.

hello! i generally go by moogs on here, my moots can call me by my actual name tho <3 im not putting it here, iykyk. i'm 21 years old. i'm a transmasc nonbinary guy and primarily use he/him prns, but i also have a variety of neos in the back (most notably dia/diam/dias). i speak english, german and a teeny bit of french. quite frankly, i'm still a bit bad at using tumblr. i made an account like 7 years ago but ive only somewhat gotten my head around it recently. currently i do a shitload of our flag means death posting. i also love tma but its a bit on the backburner rn.

I block anyone who follows me with a blank profile. There are too many damn bots on this webbed site, sorry.

i have way too many side blogs because when i get into the MOOD of talking about one specific thing i get into the MOOD. this however also means that these regularly get abandoned for a couple of weeks or months until i get into the MOOD again. but there's also tons of media i might post about that i DONT have sideblogs for. ive tried listing them but... it ended up being a mess so ig you'll have to let me surprise you. sorry.

side blog list for your convenience:

@veedsynth: vocal synth blog. has been a special interest for so long that im almost normal about it at this point.

@paradisaeaaa: genshin blog. yes im one of those im so sorry. mostly hkv currently

@yaoi-vevo: i dont. have to explain this, do i? currently mostly slow damage and dramatical murder

@gnosiaz: gnosia blog. i love gnosia. sometimes i talk about it.

tag explanations:

#moogsin' : original post tag

#moogsles : art tag

#for later : ...for later

#mogcees : oc tag

#moogiggle : he he funni

#moogsynthing : general vsynth tag so i dont always have to tag vsynth and vocal synth and vocaloid and utau and synthv and synth v and synthesizer v and cevio and cevio ai and neutrino and

[uh... to be continued ig these are my only ones so far]

if you have any questions or want to talk or anything like that, please go ahead! i literally only have one friend on here whom i interact with on the dash so like. it gets lonely 😭

last but not least, since apparently i HAVE to add this: if you opened this post hoping to find some sort of "proship dni" or "antis dni" statement because you just HAD to know whether i was A Bad or A Good before interacting with- or following me: just dont. stay far away from me.

[lunarifie]

Rewatching Ninjago

(With no context other than the episode)

The Tournament of Elements episode 3-4

WHAT IS GOING ON

oh Zane’s having a nightmare.

Why a dragon though, you had one as a pet for like a whole season.

Nya, Wu is NOT the one to go for love advice.

Nya: its just, coles like, i connect with him on a deeper level.

Do you?

Nya: but hes always so serious all the time

No hes not

This was literally his goofiest season

I forgot Misako and Garmadon are still married.

Theyre like, husband and wife.

Thats so weird for some reason

Garmadon: theres a lesson to learn from this son.

Garmadon: If you turn your back on your evil sensei. You will not be served creamy biscuits.

Istg sometimes Wu and Garmadon just say shit and see if the ninja will interpret it in a useful way like an english teacher asking you what the poem means to you

Jay: And i thought ninja didnt steal other ninjas girlfriends!!

WHEN WAS SHE YOUR GIRLFRIEND???????

I love Chens character as a villain. All of this is merely for his entertainment and this whole tournament of manipulation is for his own gain. i love villains who are more manipulative than straight up evil. Thats probably why the overlord didnt stick with me that much.

THE HISTORICAL JAY AND COLE FIGHT

i still remember this from my childhood

Jay: One of us has to lose!!! Oh my god its totally gonna be me. Hes got super strength! And what do I have??!?! QUICK, TELL ME WHAT DO I HAVE?!?!

Insecurities coming in hot there Jay you okay?

Yes it sucks that theyre fighting punching bags with each others faces.

but that doesn’t change the fact that they both have a single headshot photo of one another—

Its startiiiing

Jesus christ theyre immediately at it didnt even let Chen finish speaking 💀

Nickname 1: Blue-belle

Yes that nickname was said as an insult

Apparently.

Not one of Coles best…

Zane escaped!

WAIT WHY IS PIXAL SCRAPPED?!?!?

How did that happen

If they never explain how then im headcannoning that instead of Zane putting himself back together. It was Pixal but she couldnt find the right nindroid parts, so she used herself, kinda like a lung transplant or something, in simple words. Especially since she had half his heart.

God these robots have gone through so much

“I was more upset about losing you!”

Ah yes the famed line

Jay and Cole made up so quickly😭

Why didn’t yall resolve this literally a few minutes ago all you had to say was a few words

AND NOW THEYRE FIGHTING TOGETHER

“I got your back!”

“And I’ve got yours.”

Theyre the bestest of friends i love their dynamic sm

Okay but you can tell that beforehand, they were yelling heated words at one another but they never tried to physically harm the other.

Theres so many moves theyre using rn that they didnt even try before

Thought process was probably like ‘okay so i can do this— wait that would actually hurt him.’

Lloyd using garmadons advice!!!!!

“Good work son :)”

When he becomes evil again im gonna be so heartbroken

Jay (now that one of them is being forced to take the jade blade): It should be you! We both know im lucky to even have gotten this far

Jay your really worrying me with your self deprecation at this point

The way Cole knew he would lose his power if he lost. That he doesn’t even really know where he’ll end up other than some sort of factory. But still sacrificed himself.

Got me feeling all emotional

God i could FEEL the euphoria of Kai learning him and skyler weren’t related, that was pure relief right there

Okay but that was some skilled manipulation.

Chen taking away something precious and then blaming it on Cole and Jay being uncooperative so everyone turns on them. Thats like manipulation 101

Smart tho

Kinda sucks that even Kai fell for it 🫠

Cole: you can take my clothes, my power! But you will never take my super strength!!!

Cole (tries to bust open the cell but fails): okay you got that too.

How is that even possible tho

Last I remember Coles super strength wasn’t connected to his elemental power

He picked up trees and shit when Lloyd was the golden ninja.

Cole getting all giddy and picking up a fortune cookie: you know theres a fortune in these right :D

Hes so stupid i love him.

Jay knowing how to roller-skate is so him.

Jay: did i ever tell you i got first place in the mother-son skate off!

Invisible guy: weirdo.

Dont need to be so rude about it damn.

Kai immediately fell on his ass in front of skyler its not looking too great for him

Jay doing flips/tricks in skates in the background, just having the time of his life is something so nice to see

Ninjagos actually pretty good with disabled representation.

Cyrus borgs character is just a good character in general, i like him a lot.

And the master of sound being blind. Yes, when he loses his elemental power he has trouble figuring out where people and things are but later hes shown as very skilled with hearing and stealth just from prior knowledge. Hes almost able to escape. before being fed to the serpentine that is.

OH. CAMILLE. LIKE CHAMELEON. BC SHE CAN SHAPE-SHIFT AND CHANGE FORM-

Chen is so entertaining as a character

Jay: its us against the world Kai!

That is smth so personal out of context

Skyler What the hell!!! Ik ur related to chen somehow but to pit Kai against his little brother?!?!?!

Also why is Kai so easy to manipulate

Youre not even here to win??? especially not against Lloyd. Your here for Zane.

Its so weird that only Kai doesnt know how to skate.

Skating isnt that common of a skill why do all these people know how to rollerblade AND shove people while doing it. Do you know how hard that actually is?

Nya (talking to herself): uhhhh nothing unusual to see here… just aaaa technological advanced mobile base camouflaged as a noodle truck 😀

Shes so funny i love her

Clouse: you were once comfortable with lying… it worked on Misako, didnt it?

now thats a low blow. How does he even know about the love letter.

Jay and Lloyd are so cool as a duo in this

Lloyd: you didnt learn that in your mother-son skate off, did you?

Jay: It was a fierce competition Lloyd 😤

Now i cant stop imaging Jay and edna shoving all these mothers and sons on skates while ed cheers in the back

Jays family makes me so soft

KAI DOING THE LITTLE MARCHES 😭😭😭

I remember doing that when I was learning

WAIT THAT WAS ACTUALLY IMPRESSIVE GO KAI

Jay is such a little bastard 💀

Jay dodging Camille as he holds her jade blade: i got it! You want it! I got it! You want it! Come and get it! Come and get it!!

FINALLY they're all on the ninjas side

Wait wait wait how was Lloyd able to turn the buggy into his own vehicle aren't only the techno blades able to do that?

Garmadon everytime Clouse tries to do dark magic: time to tackle this guy.

Why is he so dramatic just punch the pretentious fuck

Skyler: if all of us quit, what tournament would you have?

I feel like this was a moment where skyler stood up to Chen in a way.

Idk just makes me look at it in a different lense now that Ik they're related.

Cole: Zane!!! Your alive! You look- silver?

Zane: titanium. Cole you look, white!

Cole: (bursts out laughing)

the black cole head cannon is so funny in this moment

Cole sounds so happy to see Zane again 🥹

The voice actors are too good.

Guard: wheres Cole.

Cole: right here big guy! Whats wrong? Looks like youve seen a ghost.

They

Did

Not.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #Rewatching Ninjago

[whereismymonsterlover]

Djo came out with another ear-creamer and it's gay.

Djo (Joe Keery) has just come out with another single called Figure You Out. it's so good and I'm so excited for the album. I heard the first verse and was like "This... This is fruity." Let me explain: (light CW for mention of AIDS within an interpretation)

I'm beginning to understand

There's no mystery to this man

It's the simplest things I need

Just my friend and a place to sleep

But I never fail to surprise

There's a feeling that's new to me

Unmistakably that's my voice

And it's speaking as clear as day

"I've been trying to figure you out"

I like your funny words, magic maaaaan. I, being the dirty little queer I am, immediately added queer context behind it - using Steve Harrington as my test subject. The result was: Steve's Bisexual Revelation. It's so beautiful when you think of it like a man discovering he's bisexual (I might be acting really dumb and saying something obvious. I'm most definitely too used to being left with speculation when it comes to queer-coded storytelling).

But wait! It gets gayer!

How can you get to know yourself?

take a test and you get a grade

I read this as the man looking for a way to discover himself, hoping finding your sexuality was as easy as taking a test and getting the answer at the end. I've also been learning a lot more about the AIDS crisis during the 80s and 90s in America and UK recently and so my brain also linked this theme when I heard "take a test" - as well as in the lines:

If the money just wasn't there

And the power you had was gone

And these people were just like you

Tell me then would you lend a hand?

The singer is asking the higher power with the control and money (the government) if they'd actually take action if the queer people, drug users and all affected by AIDS were instead people like them (cis-het). I know that's a heavy interpretation, it is just simply one way I made sense of those lyrics!

Back to Steve Harrington. Another interpretation which I believe is truer to the actual meaning, is Steve evaluating himself, first year without the "King Steve" title, and realising he is boring.

There's no mystery to this man

There's nothing interesting or mysterious about himself.

it's the simplest things I need

Just my friend and a place to sleep

He is content with the bare minimum, no desire in the past for excessive material objects, no hobbies outside of the sports curriculum in high school.

"I've been trying to figure you out"

he's been trying to look into himself and explore new hobbies, potential interests etc.

Is the memory really mine?

Is the story I told just fake?

Steve has to embezzle on stories to make them actually interesting.; Sometimes, he relays someone else's story and claims it as his to make interesting conversation about himself.

How can you get to know yourself?

Take a test and you get a grade

Again, him trying to figure himself out.

If the money just wasn't there

And the power you had was gone

And these people were just like you

Tell me then would you lend a hand?

If Steve wasn't rich, if power was never synonymous with the name 'Harrington', and he was just like anyone else - would there then be something of himself? Something interesting and fun and different that would attract more friends and people looking to have a long-lasting relationship with him?

It's not easy when you're closing down, down, down

Mans having an identity crisis rn.

Something's in my mind and I'm focused on you, yeah

This line that repeats at the end goes back to Bisexual Steve Harrington and being infatuated with this other guy - causing this whole sexuality crisis.

I think those are all of my thoughts. I don't know, i just wanted to get some of my thoughts down and promote Joe's new album lmao The singles we've gotten have been absolute bangers so far and I'm so excited!!

#djo #joe keery #djo music #stranger things #steve harrington

[kidfoundonstreets]

last post hghhjknklnwi

istg if noel isnt found soon im gonna lose it you know what claire should do? she should get the key from sirius’s pocket and use it to open the locked door a bunch of demons just surrounded claire and made fun of her...........wack it was kinda funny tho ngl charlotte also messed around with claire, bringing up suspicions about basically everybody which honestly just lessens my suspicion about everybody if theyre putting it out there still nervous abt it tho i dont think noel did it it could just be possible his death was caused by none of the above WILARDOS POV WOOOOOOOO1!! hes been calm abt this entire thing but agh king moment 

welp im sad now so theyre all related,, and particia was basically claire’s best friend but she disappeared since claire let her into an area in grandma (dorothy’s???) house did claire step into the same room as patricia did and disappear as well. i think that can explain the memory loss if she was found by grandma something i find depressing is how the whole room is wiped except the place where the diary was. sirius hasn’t touched it in a while claire after looking at the diary still doesnt seem to remember but im happy she acknowledges it might be real THE WAY ASHE’S NERVOUS CAN I HUG HIM I FEEL RLLY BAD HE SEEMS TO CARE ABT FAMILY A LOT i really really hope we get tdoom bc he cant give an explanation why is he here?? literally what does he know he’s so sus and for what. i trust him but whats so bad that he lied about it picks ashe for who i think did it: picks ashe for who i trust most (relaistically its probably noel but idk):  mixed signals but whatever i just hope it doesnt affect anything if noel did kill sirius which i doubt he did at all and its bc of miss dorothy killing his father,, i dont think noel killed a person but i dont think he’s completely excluded from anything since his dad was brought up

aww the little skrnbunklies!!!

oh theyre kinda fucked up actually its cruel to blame claire or dumb her down to stupid for this but they are demons literally what was claire supposed to do though??

OKAY NEVERMIND EVERYTHINGS OK NOW IM HANGING THIS UP IN A GALLERY PLEASEPLEASE BE SAFE ASHE IVE GOTTEN WAY TOO ATTACHED TO YOU AND YOUR VERY SUBTLE SUSPICIOUS ACTIONS “as a member of the scp” ashe is an scp!!!! noel if hes trapping himself in his room i dont know how he’s gonna get water or food without someone bringing it to him or sneaking out,,

HGGGGGGGGG I HATE THIS GAME I DONT WANNA SUSPECT ANYONE BUT AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL LIKE ITS GONNA FORCE ME the way noel knows that. hand over ur brain rn i want to see it. the “i dont want you to die” was so painfully sweet and that also makes me sad i dont want noel to die either but if he says so it’s probably going to happen i can suspect wilardo but i think he’s just like this i can suspect ashe I DO SUSPECT ASHE but the stuff he’s revealed to claire so far it just doesn’t feel like it i can suspect noel but hsfkhiuwqhe2189e4h21ueh221j dying dying dying i dont even get it either we don’t even have a proper explanation on how sirius exactly died day 5,,,, “if only i were smarter” CLAIRE HONEY NO ITS OKAY YOURE TRYING YOUR BEST well ashe a re you hiding something????? demons keep appearing more often just to say random words that bring people down. is it the ones who died in the massacre ??

#kid's heart