#god i cant believe this silly scene ended up being so long

[itsjaywalkers]

a lil smth under the cut for u guys (part 3) <3

(light nsfw)

part 1 part 2

“Well, it’s not perfect, but it’s decent enough, so it’ll have to do,” James says, and Regulus it’s too busy trying to keep his breathing under control to be bothered by the other man’s words. “Relax your shoulders a little, love.” 

“Don’t,” Regulus hisses, even though he isn’t sure himself if that response is because of the nickname, or James’ touch, or James’ closeness, or something else entirely. 

“Don’t what?” James asks, sneaking a hand up and massaging one of his shoulders until both of them sag. 

“You know what.” 

“I don’t even think you know.” 

Regulus huffs loudly, and hates that he can’t argue back. 

“Show me how you do a jab,” James requests, his hands returning to Regulus’ waist after one last press on his shoulder. 

Regulus clears his throat slightly, feeling a bit flustered all of a sudden while he raises his right arm and gets ready to do what James asked. He only hesitates for a couple of seconds before doing the punch, not as confident as he’d usually be after having James criticise him so much. 

He knows he’s no expert. He isn’t even that athletic to begin with. But he still has a boxer brother, which means he’s definitely not as clueless as James is making him out to be. 

Maybe if it were someone else, Regulus would find it in himself to fight back, defend his knowledge and Sirius’ teachings. But, as it turns out, having a professional boxer watching you try to punch is an incredibly humbling experience. Especially one as mind-blowingly good as James. 

Not like Regulus would ever tell him that.

James hums. “Not bad,” he says, and really, it shouldn’t satisfy Regulus as much as it does. “It’s a bit too slow, though.” 

Regulus tilts his head back, in an attempt to look at the other man, but he barely lasts a second after realising how fucking close both of his faces are. 

His heart beats wildly in his chest. He can only hope James doesn’t notice. 

“How so?” Regulus wonders, so relieved to hear his voice sounds completely normal. 

“Jabs focus on speed over strength,” James explains calmly. “It’s a matter of overwhelming your opponent, rather than properly hurting. The punch has to be quick, and once the arm returns, it’s gotta go up, protect your face. Like this.”

He grabs one of Regulus’ arms gently, moving it forward and then back very slowly, to demonstrate how to do it, and then fast, jostling Regulus’ whole body with it. 

“See?” James murmurs, and he could swear that his tone has gone lower. “You don’t have to worry about being strong enough. It’s all about speed.”

“Okay,” Regulus replies with a tiny nod, doing his best to concentrate on what James is seeing, and not on all of the points where they’re touching. Or on how close James is. Or how nice he smells, despite all the sweat—maybe even because of it. “I think I get it.” 

“Yeah? Wanna try again on your own?”

Part of Regulus wants to snark back, argue that it’s only a stupid jab and James is just being picky because he’s a professional boxer and it’s not like there’s an actual science to throwing a punch. But having James holding onto his waist must be clouding his mind, because he just gives another nod, and does his best to replicate James’ movement and speed. 

“Yeah, that’s it,” James breathes out, and Regulus can almost hear his smile. “Very good, love. You’re a natural.”

“Oh, I’m a natural now?” Regulus huffs out, but it comes out more teasing than irritated. 

“Or maybe you just have a great teacher,” James adds playfully, accompanied by a squeeze on his hips. 

“You’re right, Sirius is pretty great,” Regulus responds with a shrug, relishing in the way James clicks his tongue. 

“But I’m better.”

“In your dreams, Potter.”

“Wait, what happened to ‘James’?”

Regulus feels heat rushing to his cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

James chuckles way too close to Regulus’ ear, and his breath hits the side of his neck, goosebumps breaking all over his skin. Regulus has to swallow a very embarrassing and very needy sound before it makes it past his lips.

“C’mon, love, we were getting along so nicely. Don’t try to ruin it now.”

“You’ve finally lost it,” Regulus states, trying to laugh the whole thing off. It probably doesn’t work, though, considering how unstable he sounds. “There’s not a single universe in which you and I get along, Potter.”

“Liar,” James whispers. “I’m growing on you.”

“Whatever gave me away?” Regulus grumbles, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“The fact that you’re letting me touch you,” James murmurs, voice smooth and silky, feeling like a caress. “How you keep leaning against my contact, and catching yourself at the last second.”

Regulus’ breath hitches. “That’s—” 

“The way you’re not even arguing with me anymore. Not really,” James continues, unrelenting, his lips grazing Regulus’ earlobe and making his eyes flutter shut. “If anything, I’d even dare to say you’re flirting.”

“You’re delusional,” Regulus spits, too breathless to sound as furious as he’d like to. “The fucking audacity—”

“And,” James cuts him off, tone so frustratingly smug, “I bet you’re aching between those pretty legs of yours.” 

Regulus lets out an embarrassed noise, barely suppressing the urge to press his thighs together. 

“No,” he croaks out, shaking his head a little and face burning. 

“No?” James mocks him, pressing his smirk behind Regulus’ ear. “Shall we check?” 

One of James’ hands moves slowly, sliding from its place on Regulus’ waist to rest under his navel, fingers playfully caressing his waistband. 

Regulus hates how that mere touch is enough to turn his mind into static. To make his heart stutter in his chest, and the mess in his underwear almost unbearable.

“Potter—”

“No.”

Regulus’ eyebrows shoot up, and before he has the chance to ask, he feels James’ teeth at the side of his neck, nipping teasingly and dragging a fucking whimper out of him.

“What—?!” he begins, completely red in the face and attempting to move away from the other man for the first time since he allowed his touch.

James holds him tighter, bites down harder. “Behave, Regulus, or I’ll fucking make you.” 

Regulus doesn’t listen, despite how the tone of James’ voice makes him tremble like a leaf. He keeps resisting, an outraged sound leaving his mouth while his body betrays him and becomes even wetter. 

“Oh, you don’t get to play the clueless card on me,” James murmurs, his teeth giving way to a devilish tongue that turns Regulus soft and pliant, his attempts at freeing himself growing sloppy, lazy. “I always do my best to be patient, to respect your boundaries and control myself, but you’ve been a damn tease all afternoon, and I’m fucking done.” 

“What the fuck are you even—” 

“Enough,” James growls back, and it’s so commanding Regulus’ mouth snaps shut with a clack. 

There’s a beat of silence, and then James is laughing under his breath. “Good boy.”

It’s filled with mockery, bordering on mean, and yet, it still makes Regulus moan like a fucking bitch in heat, eyes rolling to the back of his skull and body going completely boneless. 

“Fuck,” James whispers, a mix between awed and devastated. “I should’ve known. I should’ve fucking known. Is that what does it for you, baby? You wanna be my good boy?”

Baby. 

Baby. 

Baby. 

Regulus moans again, even though it’s weaker this time, but he still shakes his head, or tries to at least, holding onto the last traces of sanity and refusing to let James win whatever twisted game they’re playing. 

“C’mon, you were doing so well,” James mumbles, tongue licking up the side of his neck. “And you can’t fool me anymore. Not like you ever did, but still. I know you wanna be good for me, baby. Know you wanna please me, let me use you in whatever way I see fit.”

He tries to shake his head once more, but somehow, his brain gets the order wrong and Regulus ends up nodding instead. 

“That’s right,” James coos, dropping a kiss on his skin, long and lingering. “Now, say my name, Regulus.” 

“James,” he gasps almost against his will, mouth moving before his mind can catch up. 

The other man groans and then attaches his lips to his throat immediately after, tongue pressing down as he sucks, the sting feeling absolutely heavenly. 

Regulus tilts his head to the side to give James more space, eyes hooded and limbs heavy, back coming to rest against James’ chest. 

“James,” he says again, without being prompted this time and the word almost sounding like a whine. 

“Fuck, you’re driving me insane,” James hisses against his neck, peppering the skin with open-mouthed kisses, his tongue and teeth mapping out Regulus’ skin. “You don’t understand how long I’ve been dying to do this.”

Regulus whimpers, hands moving on their own volition and reaching behind him until they bury themselves into James’ messy locks. He pulls, a bit harsher than intended, but before Regulus can manage to apologise, James is moaning loudly, the vibrations on his skin making him shiver. 

He pulls again, and James bites down on his throat hard enough to leave a mark. Regulus doesn’t have it in himself to reprimand him, or to tell him to stop. His brain is unable to focus on anything that isn’t James’ mouth working down his neck. 

“We could’ve been doing this ages ago if you weren’t so fucking stubborn,” James sighs, lips caressing his exposed shoulder and dragging another obscene noise out of Regulus. “I knew you wanted it. I knew you wanted me.”

“James—” Regulus pants, apparently unable to speak anything else apart from the other man’s name. 

It’s kind of embarrassing, how pliant a couple of kisses and a few dirty comments can make him. Regulus isn’t usually this easy, especially not in bed; he likes having a modicum of control, always ready to remind his partner that he doesn’t enjoy being bossed around. But, and as much as he hates to admit it, James knows what he’s doing. 

Although, maybe it’s not even a matter of skills. Maybe it’s simply that it’s James, and despite how much he’s tried to deny it, he’s been desperate for him almost since the moment he laid eyes on him. 

“God, baby, you taste divine,” James grunts, sucking on his collarbone almost at the same time that his fingers dip into Regulus’ waistband. They don’t get very far, and it’s more of a playful contact than anything else, but his breath still hitches. “Can’t wait to put my mouth between your legs.”

Regulus makes a keening sound, hips twitching, and James chuckles cruelly against his shoulder.

“You’d let me, right, baby?” James goes on, the hand that had slipped inside the basketball shorts changing its course and travelling up up up, until they’re caressing Regulus’ chest, following the shape of his scars. “There’s no point in pretending you’re not fucking gagging for it at this point. Just look at you. Look at you. I bet you could come from this. From me marking you up while I whisper in your ear.”

“N-no,” Regulus huffs, blinking furiously and doing his best to break out of his daze. “You’re too—too full of yourself. This isn’t enough, it could never be, and I—”

“Not enough?” James questions, stopping his ministrations. Regulus bites his tongue to stop the protest at the tip of his tongue. “Is this your way of asking for more, baby? Because you’re gonna have to do better than that. I don’t listen to brats.” 

Regulus wishes he could scoff, elbow James in the stomach so his touches stop clouding his mind and tell him to fuck off. Maybe even show him how well he can throw a stupid punch. 

But his body isn’t listening to his mind. It doesn’t care about what Regulus truly wants. Or what he’s been telling himself he wants, at least.

That’s why when he parts his lips, none of the curses he’s been preparing come out. Instead, there’s only need and lust. “Please,” he whimpers, closing his eyes tight momentarily. “Please, James, I—I just—”

James shushes him gently while circling a nipple, Regulus’ toes curling inside his toes and cunt clenching around nothing. “Oh, baby. It’s okay. I’m gonna take care of you so well. Give you exactly what you need.”

“Yeah,” Regulus exhales, hands spasming around James’ curls. “Please.” 

“Gonna let me fuck you, baby? Let me finger you nice and open, so you can get ready for my cock?” 

Regulus moans and nods and thrashes around, one of his hands slipping from James’ hair just so he can grab one of James' by its wrist, pushing his arm downwards and hoping to get some relief where he truly needs it. 

James stops right before he reaches his waistband, a cocky grin curving against Regulus’ skin. 

“Well, well,” James breathes. “Aren’t you a needy little thing.” 

“C’mon,” Regulus complains, uncaring of how childish he sounds. He feels too fucking drunk on everything James to be able to think about anything else apart from getting off.

James laughs again, because he’s mean like that, and Regulus can already feel some tears prickling at his eyes out of frustration.

“You have to tell me what you want, Regulus,” James says, and his voice is so damn casual it actually hurts. “This won’t work otherwise.” 

There’s no this, Regulus wants to snap back, but then James is pressing nearer, until Regulus can feel the outline of his hard cock against his ass. It makes him gasp and push back against it, really pleased by the little hiss James lets out at the pressure.

“See what you do to me, baby?” James whispers, dragging his lips over his shoulders, the side of his throat, behind his ear. “We barely did anything, and yet I’m so fucking hard it’s actually painful. You’ve no idea of how many times I’ve jerked myself off to the thought of you. Wishing it was your hand instead. Your mouth. The inside of your cunt.” 

Regulus’ knees shake, a mewl escaping his parted lips, and James’ grip on him turns even stronger. 

“I bet you’ll feel all tight and warm around me,” James goes on, tone husky, words dripping with so much desire it makes Regulus light-headed. “Make the sweetest sounds, too. I used to think you were too uptight and that I needed to fuck the stubborness out of you, but it turns out that you’re real fucking dirty, baby. Grinding back against my cock and opening your legs the moment I praised you a little. Oh, if they could see you now, baby. Big bad scary Regulus Black. Reduced to a pathetic, whimpering mess.”

“Shut up,” Regulus grits out, but he doesn’t stop rubbing his ass on James’ cock, or pulling at James’ wrist insistently, in an attempt to get his hand inside his pants. “You’re all bark and no bite. Spent all these months telling me everything you wanted to do to me, and now that I finally give you a chance, you’re only teasing and babbling in my ear.” 

“Good try, baby, but you should know by now that that attitude of yours only turns me on.” 

“Yeah? Then how come you’re not fucking me yet, huh?” 

James’ other hand, the one that hasn’t stopped gripping Regulus’ waist for a single second, lets go and climbs up, taking a hold of Regulus’ chin. James uses it to tilt his head back, forcing their gazes to meet, and Regulus despises how he feels himself get slicker at the flash of danger on James’ gaze, the sharpness of his smirk. 

“God, the mouth you have on you, baby.” James cocks his head to the side, considering, and he grips his chin even tighter. “So fucking filthy. And so pretty when you beg.” 

“I don’t beg,” Regulus murmurs back, aware that it’s a lie. He still narrows his eyes when James barks out a laugh. 

“Yes, you do. You already have. And you will do so again, if you want to come.” 

“I don’t need you for that. I can just—just walk out of here, leave you hanging and get off all by myself—”

“No, you can’t. I’m sure you’ve also jerked off while thinking of me, right, baby? All that tension, all that repression, I know it took its toll. Did you finger yourself slow and deep as soon as you got home after our interviews? Came with my name in your mouth?”

Regulus only glares at him, not even trying to defend himself. What’s the point, when James can see right through him? Lying won’t do him any favours. 

“You did,” James states, ridiculously pleased with himself. “You’re not gonna go and waste this chance over your wounded pride, baby. Argue all you want, but we both know you’re not going anywhere. Not when you’re practically drooling at the thought of taking my cock.”

“Don’t act like you don’t want it as much, if not more, than I do,” Regulus grumbles. 

James shrugs, leaning forward and forcing Regulus to do the same. Until their noses are grazing each other, breaths intermingling. 

“Never said otherwise,” he retorts with ease. 

“Then what the fuck are you playing at?”

“Nothing, really. Just waiting for you to tell me what you want. I’ll give it to you, baby, I swear. You just gotta ask.” 

Regulus purses his lips, but James does sound sincere, and at this point, it’s not like he has anything else to lose. It’s too late to try and save face, and his dignity, or whatever was left of it, took its leave the moment he allowed James to get this close. 

Besides, he wants this. He wants James. Has done so for a while, probably since the very beginning, and not even he has this much self-restraint.

“Fuck me,” Regulus says in a soft exhale, watching the way James’ pupils eat at his irises. “Please, James, fuck me. I need you inside me, it’s—fucking unbearable, really, and I’m gonna lose it if you don’t—”

“Yes,” James gasps out, nodding fast, moves turning erratic as he finally slips his hand under the shorts, under Regulus’ briefs. “Yes. Of course, baby, anything you want, I’m—shit, you’re so—let me just—”

His fingers rub at his clit playfully, pulling a moan out of Regulus, before they continue their path down, until they’re running through slick curls, teasing at his entrance and marvelling at the wetness they find there. 

“Fuck, baby, you’re fucking dripping,” James whispers in wonder. Regulus can only whimper, pushing against his eager hand. “And it’s for me. All for me. Fucking hell, just—come here—”

It’s when James tilts his head up, clearly wanting to kiss him, that Regulus finally manages to go back to himself. That Regulus remembers where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s doing it with. 

Reality hits him with such harshness that the ground seems to tilt under his feet, leaving him breathless, and dizzy, and having to swallow down a wave of nausea. 

What the actual fuck is wrong with him? 

“Wait,” he squeals, James’ mouth already touching his. “Wait.” 

To the other man’s credit, he does stop immediately at Regulus’ words, pulling back and fingers freezing where they were exploring at his cunt’s entrance. 

Regulus takes a gulp of air, heart rumbling loudly inside his head, his brain screaming at him to get a fucking grip. 

“Reg?” James calls him, a worried frown twisting his features while his eyes roam all over his face. “Baby, you okay?”

“Don’t—” Regulus wheezes out, clawing at James’ arm until he gets the hint and takes it out of his pants. He can’t think with those thick, calloused fingers resting on his cunt. “We can’t do this. It’s—no, James, just—no.”

Something pained flashes in James’ gaze, before it disappears, being substituted by a harshness Regulus has to look away from. “Regulus—”

“No,” he repeats, a lot firmer this time. “I’m not—I can’t, James. I’m sorry, I really am, but I just can’t.”

Regulus doesn’t stick around to hear James’ response, or watch his reaction. He moves away from him, legs shaky but still managing to support his weight, and he exits the ring without daring to glance back.

#AND FINALLY #ITS DONE #god i cant believe this silly scene ended up being so long #especially when i wrote it . without actually making an effort . since it's just a snippy and i was simply having fun #but i guess i should've expected it #anyways hope u guys enjoy!! #and that the wait was worth it!! #if u see any mistakes or something that doesn't make much sense #no u didn't #it's almost 4am and im knackered #be gentle with me etc #going to sleep NOW #boxer james agenda

[theghostofwilburtheworm]

Alright i puss in boots, i have a whole lot of feelings about it, so buckle up! This is gonna be long, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!

So im a very grand dreamworks fan, they where one of my main inspiration on why i want to become an animator, through my whole life, on 2020 i got incredibly hyperfixated on dreamworks as a studio (their history, production of their movies yadayada) that hyperfixation has followed me to beginnings of 2022 so im very god damn attached to this studio (cuz autism) so man i got so emotional when i saw the new intro i started tearing up aaaa, okay now onto the movie.

After the universal buy of dreamworks i was very fucking worried about the future of the animation studio, so much so that i really just accepted httyd 3 as their last movie, they went out with a bang i sated to myself, and i wasn't much more re-comforted when their first movie after the buy was abominable, is a nice movie yes! But it has that illumination-e feeling of being just a safe product (regarding its story, thr animation is fucking gorgeous) and then it came trolls world tour (sure was okay) the boss baby sequel, the croods 2 (i actually really liked this one it was very funny and creative!) Spirit untamed (what a sick joke! I mean the animation is pretty and all but ive always hated the spirit series bc of shiting all over the og movie, sorry im salty abt this one) But then! The bad guys came out!! And it was such a fun and creative and beautiful movie!! Having such an awesome art, so dynamic and cool the mix of 2d and 3d it was just so cool! and such a fun story and it was just soo good!!! And it gave me so much hope for the future of the studio!! Specially after seeing the trailer for the puss in boots movie!! Seeing that dreamworks is also taking this more experimental approach to animation made me sososo happy!! And yk i was going to watch puss in boots only for the animation before, i didnt really tough it would have much of a deep story i was contempt with just watching a silly goofy movie with beautiful animation!

And don't get me wrong the first puss in boots haves very good story and the emotional moments landed pretty well!! I just didn't think dreamworks would do that kind of stuff anymore (due to what they've been putting out lately being mainly funny silly movies [wich theres nothing wrong with!!]) BUT HOLY CHEESE N RISE!! Through this movie, if i wasn't tearing up about how cool and beautiful the animation and the fight scenes where, i was tearing up about gato's conflict with his fear of death and his relationship with kitty and fucking seeing gato's past life with shrek and donky and man im so emotional about this

And also the music it was soo good i absolutely adored the motif for the death and the little "dreamworks motif"™ at the end it was so beautiful

And the character design!!!! Omg it was soo good, DEATH HOLLY MOLLY DEATH he looked sooo goood it was so fucking scary and cool!!! And his weapon!!!!! And then theres the little dog he was soo cute, and the other guy that i forgot his name!! And goldi and the three bears!!!!

Speaking of which i also really fucking loved goldi and the three bears' acr and their interactions where absolutely delightful and nice!! And i really loved their ending

And perrito's and kitty's story, and the final confrontation of gato and death!!! And aaaa it was all so beautiful and awesome and cool and dazzling, and then the ending of perrito, kitty, and gato going to far far away, and the scene at the beginning of the first fight of gato and death!!! It was soooo sooo cool, the colors and the lightning IN GENERAL ALLL OF THE FIGHT SCENES WHERE SO AWESOME!!!

And man the little scene of gato remembering his mom giving him the boots, i was so nice guck i cant believe how attached im to these freacking characters

And like dude the colors where so vibrant and aaa this movie was just so beautiful!!! Im so happy and sad and im just a mess of emotions due to this movie it makes me so happy for the future of dreamworks animation, and mainstream animation in general, because and i cannot stress enough, animation is not a genera for kids, is an art form, just as versatile and beautiful as any other.

Anyways this movie was pretty epic probably my favorite from this decade with gillermo del toro's pinocchio and i for once, can't wait what the future will get us :]

#welp that was a whole lot of word vomit so sorry gamers autism won today aaa #this was just such a good movie :'] #puss in boots the last wish spoilers #puss in boots the last wish #gh0ost txt

[muffindaddystyles]

𝑌𝑂𝑈𝑁𝐺 & 𝐵𝐸𝐴𝑈𝑇𝐼𝐹𝑈L 

A oneshot of how you two met in the beautiful city of Italy, how Harry finds you an Angel descended from heaven above that took his hand and became his light. Dad!harry full of fluff..oh yeah dad!harry nation lets rise. .Part two of tooth rotting dad harry of it is here too. young and beautiful (II)

It's Saturday night. Harry and you intentionally have no plans but to loaf around in your guys cosy homely space. The candles flames with rośe tranquilness, the intro to movie watched many times together rolling in. Both of you are snuggled onto large body sucking sea-green velvet couch infront of telly.

His daddy long legs nestled atop your hip hooking around your ankle protecting you from falling if possible (moreso the fact he's extremely protective of you in your pregnancy.) His one elbow snaked around your collarbones which are now hiding underneath soft swelling, his sweater pawed arm sheltering around your huge eight months baby bump slender tender fingers tucked underneath your side.

You relaxes into him, back pressed to his tanned chest and with his chin resting atop your hair whenever he rasped out something it bobbed your whole head.

"Yeh' kay, baby? comfy?" He asks you for the hundredth time now caressing and stroking your chin, then earlobes, collarbones to your belly and the list goes on. It's one of his habits that he doesn't realizes himself more as ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑢𝑎𝑔𝑒. Harry's love language's physical contact, lots and lots of them. He finds calm in touching you here and there, raking his palms without them knowing their destination. He's cuddly and clingiest when drunk. Although, he has stopped drinking since you both are expecting but the clingy part of him jumped out during this period his only excuses are "wanna stay close to me' three babies." Or "i feel empty when you're even a bit away from me." 

"'M lover, stop worrying." You bring his jaw down with the tip of your pointer finger to kiss his lips gently with a tilt of your chin. He mumbles an anxious "cant." in your mouth running his thumb under the curve of your womb with amiable affection.

You hiss into his mouth when one of your bubba kicks you with ever most force and he pushes away with amused eyes, when he felt the kick against his palm. It's not like it's his first but everything related to his unborn babies muse him to utter excitement and tears of joy.

He shifts a tad resting his a little scruffy cheek against your silken naked bump, you're wearing one of his crotched zinc orange crop top and it bunched up your belly in very much likeness of Harry, he thinks you look so endearingly sexy he could make you use him as many times you want. His ear tucked under the crescent of your chest, "feels like jus' a barrier of skin between us." He bubbles his accent and you smile down at him infectiously. Meanouvering your fingers into his chestnut curls and massaging his scalp that made his eyelids futter into bliss.

There was another visible kick and Harry smoothed down the skin eyes shinning up at you, "a footy champ this one." You sucked your bottom lip trying not break into fits of laughter because from the weight your pelvis muscles has become weak and you end up leaving wet tiny splotches most of the time. First time you had it was two months ago you were fucking embarrassing and couldn't stop crying right after an hour of genuine laugh ofcourse caused by Harry when you guys shopped for babies and he wore that one onesie on his head being all goofy and child of two while expecting two himself.

"How're meh' baby girls. meh' bunnies." He smauched loud wet kisses all over your belly making slobbery snuggly voices to annoy you. You tug at his roots whining loudly because you know the undeniable loving scene of Harry talking to his two daughters will bring you to tears all because of stubborn hormones. Yes, two!

While you weren't even expecting a pregnancy, God said wait for my bumper surprise.

Everyone told your bump looks healthier than normal pregnancies but you ignored it until the day of gender check-up. Harry was ecastatic, fist pumping the air, bouncing with your hands intervined tears bloodshot in his eyelines. So were you...but you had a huge breakdown on the wooden floor of your home's threshold. You were blabbering thousand questions to him, body shaking and fighting to breath.

"I...I can't do this, Harry...too much 's too much." You cried to him that day. But he cradled your face into his calloused palms his temple kissed yours, "ye' can, my sweet girl. we can. wish I could bear one of our baby bunny, it's sad that I cant help ye'. But, it's my promise to be there for you forever and always." He leaned down to kiss you with so much love, more love he was keeping to himself ever since and more more love he can't put into words.

He comes back from your belly to leave a feathery kiss on your lips that makes you yearn for him more and settles back to his previous position, his face shoved into the crook of your neck and he presses kisses to the corner of your lips while your eyes remains glued to telly.

As Sally and Harry bickered in the car you chuckled softly fingers tracing his nose and the mole sheltered under it, "remember how we met?" His breath fanned tickling your cheek heartily when he shook his head with a giddy giggle.

"How could I not? Yeh' were a honey pot and a weepy mess after tha'." He scrunches his nose at you adorably reminiscing the night and series of nights after that.

"It was your fault mister." You twitch your lips turning to his side with his help and his hand sprawled at your back instinctively. "Ye' souvenired t' give a lonely guy like me some company, first." He smiles when you huffed. His beam getting joyously wider when your belly pressed tightly against his's and he kisses your forehead multiple times.

"Who thought that guy escapin' from Gucci's biggest event could be a dad of two girls." You quip playing with his neckline and his chest rumbled with a titter that sent you to cloud nine.

"Not me at all. But, if I could meet him back in time I'll tell him how lucky he's gonna be, how happy he'll be, that he doesn't needs to be a grumpy daddy when he could be a real happy one." His eyes are glassy and you cupped his cheeks placing your lips atop his into a feverish kiss of gentleness.

~𝐹𝑎𝑙𝑠ℎ𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 2015~

Gucci's spring festive on full blossom in the most popular old city of Italy, Milan. It's luxurious in all it's glory. A-list celebrities and world claimed most beautiful models. The hall clattered and shushed with talks, rumours, gossips and greets. Then it's fashion and tailored-fitted clothes, formal gowns. Fake smiles. Cold hearts.

On the long dinning table piled with food that sometimes's too difficult to pronounce Harry sat along with Kendall Jenner. His ex-girlfriend and a friend for now. She talks excitedly with the person infront of her snarling rude remarks here and there. Her hand came squeezing his thigh under the table that startled him from his imaginary world. A world where he's at peace, the luxuries doesn't exist and he's nothing but a normal person.

"Huh, love?" He kinks his brows together fiddling with the napkin in his lap and she gave him a furious pout for not giving her full attention, "I was pointing out how fast-fashion brands are shit." She rolls her eyes. Harry can't believe her bratty arse. He shrugged his thigh with a tad more harshness to get rid of her touch.

"Dunno. No' everyone could afford luxury brands." At this the model infront of them cackled more in her mock and sniffed to be polite in the fake hush of the room. Harry's eyes turned glassy and the jade in the murky to the visible irritation at their behaviour. His expressions dark and unreadable under the very less light.

Quiffing his long hickorey curls back he nibbed at his pointer finger's knuckle only to bend it under his chin afterwards, "'m serious." Kendall sighs loudly at this clearly annoyed by the way he's acting and the model infront of him gave him a 'whatever makes you sleep at night.' look and a shrug of her shoulders in arrogance while eating her steak.

Enough. Harry thinks with a grumble struck in his chest. He rakes the chair back that drew some attention but it drifted to some person sharing their experience and all that shit talk again on the loop.

Harry's guard followed him behind pushing the paparazzi away. Flashes in his eyes. Made up assumptions to his ears and shoved up opinions to his chest. He's sick. From all of this. He wants to shout to no-one in particular but himself, he wants an escape. He wants it with his every bleeding cell.

Then he takes a curt turn with a whiplash of his torso to dark alley beside the building from which he just exited and when he reached the end it was blocked by a brick wall so he jumped with ease to other side, his expensive boots scruffing against the gravel. He gave no care to the guard behind him.

He was in a local less populated street. Wider with the bumpy stones and there were people indeed but nobody paid him heed.

He sat on the concrete bench. Flinging his one leg over another hand gripping near his crotch and with a relieved huge exhale of breath he took his phone out going through it. After, so long he feels like he's a free dove who could breath free escaping from it's cage.

He's broken. Empty and in the rough path of his life. He doesn't know how to cope with it. It makes him fuckin' insane.

There's an ice-cream cart few steps away from where he's sitting alone onto bench. His head snaps at the beautiful giggle bouncing through the tangerine sky. He squints his eyes to get a better look of the group of friends crowding near the cart and licking onto their ice-creams.

Your white cotton dress furled with a wave of zephyr and the loose errand of your hair slipping from your low bun cascading around your face while you gave a belly ache laugh to one of your tall friend bopping his nose at his silliness.

Harry stares at the interaction of young people. They're just like him but looks more happy and youthful then why couldn't he?

His eyes are set on a certain figure and that's you still hidden from him as your friend Mona blocked the sight of your perfect view to Harry nudging your ribs.

"Is that Harry Styles." Jo mutters when his eyes fell over him and then he bashfully hisses, "don't look back! Don't look back. You guys are being too specific." Considering yourself stupid you spinned to have an ethereal sight of Harry sitting all by himself on the cold bench, his carved features glowing with the illumination of his phone screen still unlocked while he got distracted by you people.

"Doesn't feels like he's enjoying himself." Mona quipped taking a large swipe of her cold delight. None of them too interested in his wear abouts.

Call it clićhe but you don't have any thought in your mind before you're asking for an ice-cream cone from the ice-cream man heading towards him with your hands occupied with two.

Harry's breath hitching in his palpalating heart at the complete sight of you, for sore eyes for sure. His nerves jittery and knee bouncing in restlessness as you approaches him with a sweet grin. He takes in your complete look. White flowy dress and nude sandals, loop earrings and the bright red lipstick resembling the blood gush of his heart. 'Less is more' making you appear so beautiful.

Harry's so lost in his own brain wrecking that he forgot where you went but you rounds him from behind flinging your left leg on the other side of bench to sit on it with your legs on either side of it, he again startles getting off-guard hastily turning to face you when you tapped his shoulder.

Licking your own vanilla sweetness you forwarded the cone to him a sweet sheepish smile on your glowing hearty features. His body guard instantly changed his position to stop you but Harry gave him a stink eye accepting your offer shyly. Your cheeks heating even in the mild temperature when his supple fingers brushed yours.

"Thank you." His voice timid wiping the corners of his heart shaped lips but you just shrugged your shoulders leaning back with your hand pressed against the bench, "no problem. you're welcome." Harry gazes at your collarbones prodding from the flimsy fabric of your v-line then he shifted his gaze down to his Gucci loafers telling himself not to be a pervert. It's just you're too delicate that he can't stop admiring.

"I like your suit." You compliments him with glinting eyes and his cheeks flushed with shyness mumbling a "thank you." Under his erratic breath.

His eyes flutters and tummy flips when you bring your hand closer to him taking the sleeve of his jacket tugging at it, "it's too graphic you know...in a good way." He finds it endearing that you were this engulfed in just the design of his suit and when you tilt your chin peering up at him, he feels like his brain stopped functioning. He nods eyes still locked to yours and when he sense some coldness dripping down his thumb he quickly ducks down to lick it off causing his sculpted cheek to stroke against your silken ones in utter gentleness.

You gulp timidly sitting back straighter.

"So...? For what stuff you're here for Harry?" He loves the way his name sounds mellow coming from you. He clears his throat unwinding his long legs to stretch them wide and it nudged yours sending jolts to both of you, "uh, 'm 'ere fo' Gucci event." You beam at this shifting closer to him.

"I like the way it sounds comin' from you." He cackles at this running his fingers to tame his matte curls.

His tense demeanor slipping bringing his shy, timid and goofball ones exposed to you. He's himself surprised that all the built up frustration in his nerves drained away from your presence.

Being an art major and a fashion geek you asks him with ferverishness patting his knee, "what was it like? I've heard it's mesmerising." He chuckles at this. He wanna scoff because a sweet girl like you wouldn't last a second there.

"'S okay. I guess." He elevates his shoulder in bored expression and when the ice-cream swipes at the tip of his nose you giggled bunching forward to his side. He smiles down at you squinting his eyes narrow in an accuse.

"And what yer' here fo'? Wait yeh from here?" You bite the waffled cone chewing it. Words muffling with a full mouth, "having a trip with my University's friends. I live in London though. I really really wanted to see Milan. So, here I'm." You make an innocent childish face raising your arms in air to show him and his heart's soothing to peace with every homely action you'd pull to make him relaxe.

Then there was silence that Harry was unaware how to break. He could hear you talking for an eternity. On the other hand you aren't that akward to make conversations with people. No doubt you're shy, and wants your own space to blossom but this one habit of yours is inseparable.

"You know when back home. An ice-cream man would come daily at midnight in summers. Me and my cousins would climb up his bicycle cart like darn monkeys. Pop our heads inside the freezer and annoy the fuck outta him. God I miss home." There's this un-pointable feeling. That's unfigurative to Harry but it's there; of admiration and of endearment. His heart's at cloud nine caressing itself to the pink cotton candy.

His heart reaches out for you from his ribcages as the homesickness glistered in your irises. You weren't obliged to talk to him, to give him company but you still did beacuse beautiful accidents and coincidence happen in the admist of rushed streets.

Harry parted his lips to talk to you more but he has nothing, his life's not unknown by anyone and the normal scenarios of people entertains him so much.

His head snaps when you grin widely at him throwing the last and best of cone inside your mouth. Your small pretty mouth chewing like a rabbit and Harry wants to have a touch, just some to shush the fire in his stomach.

His head snapping when you yelled to children that were skipping on rope waving to them, "hey kiddos! Wanna have some ice-cream!?" They all left their play of galloping running towards you. Harry looks at you wide eyes eating his last bits away.

"Our hotel gave us a coupon for free ice-creams." You laugh standing up and he wants to catch you by wrist to stop you going away from him but when you squeeze his shoulder leaning to whisper in his ear chills ran down by his spine, "will be right back." He swallows thickly nodding eyes trailing to you as you collects all the little fellas to cart.

He watches you. Is she an Angel? A mirage to help him out of his anxiousness? Or a smoke in his mind that'll disappear soon? He thinks picking on his nails. He's not ready to step out of the calm bubble you created so delicately around him. Only if life could be this easier.

He rolls his eyes playfully sucking his lips inside his mouth when he sees you paying extra for more. He looks back to his body-guard. Maybe you didn't noticed him or cares less but Harry's kinda annoyed that he has to be here in such a happy vulnerable moment of his life.

"Thank you nice lady!" Harry chuckles gleefully when all of the kids thanked her licking onto their sweets. "It's okay kids, be careful before I take them back."

Shaking your head you strides back to Harry coming to stand infront of him. You can fit perfectly between his legs if he opened them wider for you, that desireful thought swooshed through his mind but he shakes it away.

"Thank ye' nice lady." He squeaks in high teasing pitch standing up and your eyes widened when he literally towered you fully. Your height differences funny even you're in heels.

"Not you now." You declared with blushed cheeks. His irirses glinted when you fumbled with the sides of your dress.

"So...this's it?" You ask him peering up at him with such gooeness he could whimper. Shivers running down your body as the weather turned rather more chill.

"This's it.." Harry whispers. He feels what? a lump of wetness in his throat? He's at the brink though.

"Thank you for bearing my monkey ass." You guffawed out but he has serenity in his eyes. He thins his lips. "I should be the one to say thanks."

He was taken aback when you hugged him running soothing circles at his back. He inhales your tangerine vanilla scent embracing you fully now. If he could freeze the time he would in a snap. He feels like he's all the way back home after travelling shallow through the whole world.

"It's gonna be alright, whatever it's Harry. It'll be alright. You're gonna be alright. It gets bumpy but you still have so much for you." Harry wants to cry in some strangers arms. He feels so defeated and tired. But, the determination and affirmation in your voice made him think opposite. He'll do it. He can do it.

He didn't let you go first. You untageled yourself from him gently swaying on your feet, taking a step back and he couldn't blink his eyes away from you as you bit your crimson lip.

You take steps away from him eyes still locked to his jade ones and he calls you out through the breeze looking for passing by cars if possible because you're standing in the middle of street.

"Hey, stranger!!!" You tilt your chin in a questioning and shake your head at his lopsided cheshire smile, "forgot t' tell ye'r name!" He yells out in rushed anticipation and anxiousness as if he'd loose you if any minute ticks by.

Goosebumps appears at your bare legs from the chill, "Y/N. Y/L/N." Then you spin around raising your hand high atop your head waving it for Harry.

"Ba-bye. Harry." You says loudly but it doom vacuumed to emptiness once you step inside your hotel's lobby leaving Harry at his own sake again.

Standing still at his spot. Hands shoved into his trouser's pocket and long spiral curls framing his sculpted features he watches you with a furrow of his brows from the glass of hotel. His frown getting deeper when you threw your head back laughing when you bumped into your friend who was coming to find you, you caught his wrist eyes widening at something funny he said and Harry sighs thinking maybe you're just this kind and generous and that he's not a special case in your book.

With an exhausted sigh he makes his way towards his bodyguard who gives him a side mishevious eye, "happy now, Styles?" Harry jabs a shove to his bulky shoulder playfully lips twitching and eyes narrowing, "oh shut up!" His mood more lightened and gleeful than his previous one thanks to you.

***

Next day when Kendall and her friend dragged Harry to fancy the local streets of Milan. Harry had a less scowling face than before. They stopped infront of some shop to buy bagels that someone bumped right square into Harry's back making him stumble a little.

It's you. Rushing out of a pharmacy. Harry's gaze trails from your toe to head and his lips parts in surprise. The whole past night in his lonely hotel bedroom you were his dream of heart and the stubborn thought of his mind while the thump of after party going downstairs kept him occupied and fainted the erratic pace of his heart. Then his brows kink in worry and concern at the grueling sight of you.

You're in a pink sweater and pyjamas. Eyes glassy. Cheeks flushed and blazing. Nose running and hair poking out in every direction. He takes a gentle step towards your astonished figure brewing fingers reaching out to hold you but when you keeps a distance from him his heart falls in his arse, and when you cough in your elbow he realizes that you're maybe cold or having a fever.

"You okay, love?" He asks you. Voice that of honey and panic dripping from his features. You gives him a big smile bobbing your head quickly and he have an urgency not to roll his eyes at you. Because you don't seem okay from any angle!

"'M just having a tiny cold it's not that worrisome." Harry's eyes pops out from his socket at your voice. It's groggy and hoarse not that sweet warm honey that was fusing in his ears last night. "Y/N. You can barely speak, are you sure you're okay?" You try to give him a small smile at his care but it got suppressed by another throat tearing cough. Poor little thing. Harry fawns looking down at you.

At this he abruptly saturates the distance between you two, "note me' number, darlin'. Promise me you'd call me if you feel too sick." You give a glance to his two friends coming by to stand beside him.

"Hi." You greet them in hoarseness and they wince when you forward your hand for a shake making you feel ashamed and embarrassed of your politeness when they didn't accepted it. Harry jaw ticks in furiousness as he glares them it's all adding up to push his nerves now.

He takes your shivering hand with an arch of his brow to his friends in challenging sterness noting down his phone number at your palm. You give him a soft "okie." and a "thank you." waving him and his friends a good-bye. He notices that you're not someone to hold grudges against someone. He knows that Kendall's behaviour throws people off but you didn't seem to mind it too much.

"Who was she Harry?" Kendall asks him chewing onto her bagel. Harry shrugs not keen to spill any precise details, "someone I met last night."

She tries to scrape more from him. "How?" Harry closes his eyes tugging at his roots not ready to snap at her.

Harry thinks many times to say the right words so that she'd shut up but still ends up saying something that infuriated her ego and mock, "she offered me ice-cream—" Her friend scoffs perking his head.

"Mate you're nuts for accepting something from a stranger." Logically yes. But you meant no harm to him. Your eyes were truthful and shined with sincerity.

Harry stays silent walking inside their hotel. The hostess asks them if they'd like to have a brunch.

On the other hand you climbed up the stairs to your room with a lazy gait. Your lungs burning. Once inside your room. You takes your medicine with a shivering body and minus energy to even raise your finger. You want to cry but you give a pep talk to yourself that you're a brave girl squishing yourself in your bed, hiding under three blankets.

There's bright sun outside but still you're feeling like someone placed you atop Antarctica's glacier snatching every clothing item from you. Your friends are all out and you wish you could have them. You hate being sick and alone.

When you woke up again. You felt horrible. Feeling like a truck crushed you underneath itself. When you tried to sit up, you fell back a reckless painful sob erupting from your lungs as with wavering fingers you massaged your sweaty forehead. The sheets under you drenched into sweat and hotness. Panic rising in your chest as your vision blurred with blackness so you dialed Harry's number immediately in the fear someone should be with you in case you faint.

"He—" He was cut off with your loud crying. The fork in his hand clanking against the sleek plate gaining everyone's attention. "'S okay. 'M comin'. I'll be there in no time love." He speaks hastily telling his bodyguard not to follow him with a gesture of his hand while striding to his car in big steps.

"Y/N. Darlin'? Yeh' there?" He asks you with his chest tightening with anxiety when the other end of line was dead as grave, "'m, i'm." Your breath spurts into coughs and Harry sighs sympathetically at your condition. It took him fifteen minutes to reach your hotel.

"Which room?" None of you noticed that the phone was still on line. You were half conscious cheeks soaked and smashed into silk pillow case. "Room number, sweets?" He asks you patiently running through different floors to take care of you as soon as possible.

"2-234.." You stutter. Harry halts in the middle of corridor snapping his head everywhere your room was three rooms away from him.

"Can yeh' stand up for me and unlock the door for meh? Can yeh do that sweet girl?" Harry's standing at your door and your sob muffles into your arm when you shake your head in denial. Luckily the door was unlocked.

"Stupid girl." Harry mutters under his breath pressing the red button when he finally tumbles inside your room. He wants to scold you for not caring for your safety when you're sick, fragile and barely able to stand up.

His heart grips into a knot when you turn to your side. The girl he was with last night long gone. Your lips blue and wobbling. Cheeks red and wet. Sweat sheening. Your body shaking. You could be barely seen from under the layers of blankets.

"Oh sweet girl. 'm so sorry." The mattress dips under his weight and he hovers over you taking you in his arms instantly. Squeezing you tight and warm, it feels good so you cuddles your face into the crook of his neck. He gasps when his hand glides down your back and finds it pooling with so much sweat, and you burning like sun outside.

"You're burnin' love." He says with wide eyes cautiously smoothing his hand at your back to make you feel better.

"It hurts, Harry." Harry pulls you from your shoulders rolling his thumb in the dips to massage them, "where?" Your chest rumbles with another whimper as you bolt your eyes shut.

"Everywhere."

He inquires further and you give a drowsy moan when he expertly massages your shoulders and arms, "did you take your medicine?" You nod at this head falling against his chest and if he wouldn't be so worried about your condition his tummy would've flipped so hard.

"And did yeh' ate somethin' befo' that?" When you shake your head in rejection he again pulls you back looking down at you in offend and shock.

"Y/N..." He warns you with a tough expression. Then he cups your cheeks making you look at him even though your eyes are closed he scolds you strictly, "Y/N you should be kind to yourself too."

"Now. 'M gonna take ye' to hospital." He announces and you squirm away from his grip shaking your head like a child. You hate hospitals.

"Y/N..don't be difficult darlin'." Only if he knew he has to deal with this his whole life. As you try to speak your words swallows back when he snakes his arms under your armpits making you stand up.

"No buts. Look at ye'. Yer condition will worsen if yeh' keep refusin' to go." With your whole weight over his side he makes you sit in the passenger seat, stroking your cheek with his knuckles giving you a reassuring smile and rounding to his driver side.

He keeps on checking you through the whole drive. You're still high on fever when he places his palm at the curve of your neck then at your forehead tsking when you moaned in pain, "'s gonna be alright." He rubs your knee trying to give you a smile through his own anxiousness.

They checks you in the ER. The doctor notes your symptoms on his notepad and Harry gazes you in full concentration sitting right beside you, he has your fingers laced with his's and he's continuously rubbing your back to provide you with any warmth.

"I've a very low immune system since I had a tonsillectomy when I was nine. Had an ice-cream last night and quite often I know I get sick in this season." You toy with his silver rings carelessly. Harry admires you. Dunno why. He just do. Because he thinks he might be falling for the way you talk, you behave and try to remain polite in every circumstances.

"Miss Y/N since you've your tonsils removed your coping mechanism from bacteias's less and you've caught a pneumonia." Your head immediately turns to look at Harry and when he sees that fear in your eyes he unwinds his hand from yours leaning to take your chin, "hey...hey lovie'. It's okay you'll heal in a week."

The doctor hands the prescription to Harry. The next thing he announces makes you sob like a five years old, "no. no. no." You shake your head shrinking back and Harry gives the doctor a sheepish akward smile stroking your hair.

Doctor sighs at your behaviour leaving at last, "the nurse will be here soon to give you injections."

Harry quickly stands up shutting the large curtain that's around the stretcher bed you both are sitting at as soon as he comes back you wrap your hands around his forearm. He hisses when you dig your nails to his flesh your tears dropping at his wrists.

"I don't like needles. I loathe them. They scare me." You sniffle and Harry ducks to your level metting your glossy gaze. He caress your head kissing your hair, "you're so brave. I know it. It would just be a pinch. Ye' can squeeze the fuck outta my hand if yeh want to." He has his fingers tucked under your earlobes as he again and again wipes your tears.

The nurse comes to you shutting the curtains behind her. She's old lady in age and observes the couple infront of her. Well, for her you both are looking like one.

You immediately move back to Harry's side as he's sitting now with his front infront of you, "scared of needles." Harry tells her timidly in a low voice puffing his cheeks a bit in gentility.

Harry saps his opal teeth into his lower lip when you wrapped your elbow around the nape of his neck bringing him down closer to you and your face shoved to his chest near his armpit. His other arm wrapping around your waist to flush you closer to him. He tries to drift your attention to himself whispering sweet nothings into your ear and the nurse awes applying alcohol where she has to inject the needle.

"'S okay. We're gonna get home after this, have some soup, will take a nap, watch some telly...." He smoothes his hand over your spine grasping it softly. You stiff in his genial hold twitching and hissing loudly when the needle was poked and pushed into your delicate skin. His white shirt's completely soaked into your tears now but he doesn't give two fucks.

"Just two more." The nurse mutters and you perk your head away from Harry's chest looking at her horrified, "two more!?" You squeak out hiccuping and Harry has to suppress his giggle at your expense from how adorable you look.

He again shoves your head back in his armpit muffling your huffing and tantrums. "Don't move darlin' don't wanna get yeh' hurt." His hold tight and firm.

"Hurts." You pout and Harry traces it stopping himself to just lean down and kiss it. Nurse left you guys to yourself and Harry breaths loudly grinning at you, patting his thighs standing up helping you too.

"Thank you, Harry." You crane your neck to see him properly rubbing your nose once Harry makes sure you're sitting in his car comfortably.

"No problem, love." He kisses your cheek making your lips quirk up for the first time.

***

You're sitting crossed legs on the twin sized bed of your hotel room. Harry takes a quick glance of you pouring soup into some bowl. Your temperature a little bit coming back to normal, sweat still there as you rests your head back at the board of bed. You're room's nothing sort of luxurious it's dinky and compact.

"Here love." Harry hands you the soup making sure to be careful that you don't get burnt and you takes it from him with a series of appreciation.

"Feelin' better now?" He asks you rubbing your ankles as you places your feet in his lap. Blowing onto your soup and he does the same shoving spoonful in his mouth.

"Way better. Felt like dying honestly." Harry couldn't imagine how bad your condition was he saw it himself and he gives you a weak smile, his man-bun getting loose now.

"Where are your friends? they should have known that you weren't feeling well."

"They asked me but—" Harry's low voice cut you off. In just a day he got to know what your nature's like.

"But you didn't wanted to spoil their fun." You roll your eyes playfully wiggling your toes in his lap to tickle his tummy but he catches them making you squeal through sore throat.

He giggles when you slurp purposedly attaching your lips to the rim of your bowl. Once you're full he places your medicine in your palm and when you makes an icky face he gives you a stern gaze, "uh-huh. Take 'em."

When you swallow the bitter medicines down with a huge gulp of water he pats your head, "good girl." He puts the glass at nightstand. Caressing your jaw, "wanna take a nap?" You nod.

"W-would you lay down with me, ...'s just my body aches and—" You tried to explain without letting heat to creep at your cheeks. He bobs his head furiously more than okay to fulfil your wish.

Without any word he shifts gently to your side getting rid of the hair band that was trapping his long curls into a bun, squeezing into twin sized bed with you, "sorry." he quips when you hiss at his cold bare feet touching your warm ones.

"It's okay." You smile up at him moving closer to him. Sheets rustling underneath as you rests your head over his sprawled forearm. Your bodies reacting automatically like one of soulmates when your knee nudged his legs and he parted them so that you could place your sore one in between them. You molded into him like a piece of puzzle, that was just meant to fill the part of him that was scraped out because of his fate leaving him shallow and empty.

"Sorry for ruining your day." You mumble into his neck fingers brushing the baby curls at the nape of his neck. He shakes his head running his thumb in circles under your hair that were sticking to your neck, "No, thank you fo' makin' my day better. 'M havin' fun babying you." You titters at this and he sighs. There's calm. Heart beats in sync. Yours was racing moments ago. You're tangled into eachother's embrace and he pulls thin blanket ontop of both of you.

You purr wishing he could be always with you at how he's a walking talking heater, "you're warm." Harry senses come to a pause at the kitten voice you just let out snuggling into him deeper and exhaling the breath he was holding in. He melts into you kissing your forehead and petting your cheeks.

"Sleep sweet girl." His breathing lulls you to deep slumber.

***

It's late in night. Harry squints his eyes to street lights coming from the balcony window. He groans and when pushes his face away from you, a huge lovesick smile dances at his lips. He slept so good after so long. Your warmth and sweet flesh pressed into him made him drift to sleep so quick.

He brushes your loose hair back, adorning every feature of you. Fever making you look more glowy and swelly. Then when he leans to kiss your forehead he hears the quite whimper escaping from your lips.

He places his hand at your neck to check and you're again burning. Sighing he wakes you up by smoothing his hands down your arm, stroking your hair gently and tapping your cheek with his two fingers.

You're murmuring weepily in your sleep. "Wake up y/n. It's time for your second dose." He keeps his voice slow not to startle you and your eyelids fluttered taking it's time to absorb his presence.

You shift back against the headrest. He brings the glass closer to your lips after giving you medicine. One hand on your head other making you sip water.

"W-wanna go home. Home Harry." You say in your breaths hiccuping and Harry feels so helpless. He tries to calm you down in every way possible.

He knows you're not talking about going back to London. Your talking about your actual homeplace. Then it hits him, that you're both missing that feeling. Even though you're bubbly, happy and cheerful girl you still miss home as Harry does too. You're perfect for eachother.

He takes you in his arms bringing you back to bed. You hug him close to your heart tearing in his embrace, soft whimpers in his ears that's a knife to his stomach. He pecks the side of your head multiple times.

"Home." You sniff eyes dropping. Harry messages your scalp. Your body moving up and down as he breaths. Your continuous blabbering of 'home' dulls to your sleeping breath and Harry's own eyes craved for more drowsiness with you.

He bolts his eyes shut when his phone vibrates under him. "What!?" He spats whisper yelling, you still over him. He doesn't want to disturb you by any means. Not when you're sick and went back to sleep with so much difficulty.

"'M not coming." He declares dryly as his manager tries his best to coax him back to whatever place they want him asap.

He throws his phone onto sheets cuddling back into you, letting your scent to consume him fully. His heart prancing at the thought of serenity he'll feel while sleeping else it's just jolts of anxiety.

***

Next morning your arms were holding onto nothing, there's no shoulder on which you were crying earlier. The room's dull and sheets cold. Sun refused to outshine for today it didn't got any emarld to beam at.

"Harry...?" You whisper innocently rubbing sleepiness from your eyes and when the silence laughed back at your face you sigh sadly.

You knew from the very start that his presence was just a mere touch of heaven and it's not his fault that you never got to complete dive into him.

It's just you and your homesick soul staring blankly at the flower wallpaper. His soft, giddy vanilla smell hugging you from every side. Consuming your body and you didn't realized you'll miss him until now.

Maybe, you and your love was contagious to him.

.

𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 a 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞!!! Don't forget to give your feedbacks.

#harry style imagines #harry fanfic #harry angst #solo harry #harry x y/n #harry x reader #cute harry #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurb #harrystyles smut #dirty oneshots #harry smut #romantic harry #dadharrynation #dad harry styles #harry dirty #hsh #harry styles fanfiction #harry harry solo #harry styles #fluff #harry styles smut #harry fluff #young and beautiful #dark academic aesthetic #harry alternative universe

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Stand In Chapter Three

Masterlist

The filming is done and the trailer is coming ,but you have to deal with some unexpected consequences of being so close to Henry. Then your mother drops a bombshell that she may have let your career change slip to one of your many overprotective brothers. Meanwhile Henry has a revelation with some help from Anya and Joey.

Warnings: Adult Situations +18, Masturbation, fluff, Swearing

A/N:so here is chapter three,as I have said before I'm trying to make this realistic from a fangirls point of veiw. this is going to be a bit of a slow burn to so buckle up guys! anyway I hope you enjoy xxx see you soon xxx

Taglist: @dark-night-sky-99 @thummbelina @sofiebstar @jellicorn05 @m3anwhil3misha @thefangirlsblog  @al-wiisa  @healojane​  @thatgirly81​ @angelofthorr @iloveyouyen​   @two-unbeatable-beaters​

As the scene was called to an end a small round of applause was held, everyone seemed to be pleased with your performance which was a relief...your performance did dictate weather they kept there jobs or not so it was safe to say it was smiles all round. You finally let loose a breath slumping your shoulders 'Keira' receded and you shrunk under everyone's gaze blushing. You looked around seeing the crew and cast. Everyone seemed happy and you hadn't forgotten any of your cues or lines. You looked down at your shaking hands as relief and adrenaline flooded your system. You'd been shaking for most of the scene but thankfully the thick material of the costume covered it well. The scene itself was...Intense the air was thick for most of it as you Joey and Henry's interactions were carefully executed there were a few small hiccups but nothing you couldn't overlook...They added to the scene if you was quite honest.

As silly as it was you wanted to cry but was desperate to hold back not wanting to be silly. You jumped looking up as you were almost body slammed into a hug, the torso wasn't to wide so it had to be .Joey. You smiled brightly as the crew began to move about the hustle and bustle of set resumed. Joey plastered himself to you hugging tight and pulling you up off the floor for a second laughing.

"See? Nothing to worry about! That was brilliant Tink's!" You laughed nervously

"Err....Thank you...Can you let me go now...Please Joey?" He quickly released you letting you turn to face him gulping as you saw Henry smiling nodding.

"H-how do you feel about us- I mean all this now then?...It- wasn't as scary as you thought....W-was it?" You glanced to the floor and took a calming breath trying to get yourself under control then looked at the man sheepishly twiddling you fingers.

"N-no it was...Fun? Almost...You know once it got going...." he smiled sweetly at you

"Good! Good that’s err yeah I'm happy you found it fun....I'm sorry about you know....I err kind of forgot how err...I mean I...I tried to be gentle but..." you shook your head at him quickly

"Oh-oh that was...It's fine I knew it was going to happen but....It was my fault honestly and it doesn't even hurt so no harm done...It- your strength surprised me is all!" You said referring to what could have been seen as a incident, in the scene Geralt had to throw Keira to a wall and pin her there to interrogate her a little, at this point in the story neither really knew who the other was.

Tomasz had said the way you were so unprepared for him to throw you back was good that your surprise and flinching added to the scene making it more believable. Henry had misjudged his strength and you'd actually banged the back of your head on the faux brick of the 'corridor' he had gone to pull back immediately fearing he had hurt you, but you kept the scene going holding him still discretely out of shot and continued with the dialogue while you still had the nerve.

Henry smiled guilty he hadn't liked seeing you wince but he was glad that you'd continued he doubted any other takes would have been as authentic he would have held back to much.

"Still...I-I will try to be careful I don't want to hurt you...Your so tiny." Tomasz came over followed by Lauren both wearing huge grins.

"Yes! That was perfect! You did wonderful absolutely brilliant....Now your not needed for filming for another three or four days today was just so we can throw out a trailer...It should be done in a day or so?" You frowned at him days?

"That’s...quick is it always that quick?" Lauren chuckled

"No...but the trailer was done we just needed clips of you all the team need to do is slot you and a few of your lines in as a little narration and thats it!...With any luck it will be released on the app by....oh I’d say Thursday morning? If they upload it as soon as they get it...But in reality it will probably be by tomorrow afternoon sometime, after covid everyone is scrabbling to get their trailers out asap" Tomasz nodded in agreement then snapped to you remembering something.

"Yes and you will be announced as Keira the same day so be prepared." You blinked dumbfounded

"A-anounced?" He smile at you encouragingly

"Just on the main official websites, social media that sort of thing...You may end up having a Wikipedia page to but we don't have much control on that one...Don’t look so worried everything should go smoothly...Speaking of everything going smoothly would you like to watch what you’ve just done?" you gulped and shook your head

"Fuck no...I...I can't watch myself-OH FUCK I-I just realized...I cant watch it when it comes out!!..." All four laughed as you yelled swearing cursing to yourself Tomasz laughed patting your back.

"Don’t you worry you can work yourself up to it! Everything will be fine! You may get more media attention due to the circumstances of your audition...We are going to let it out that you was working on set and stepped up...we are naming you as our saving grace and explaining that if you didn't step in witcher would have been cancelled, that should help you get a welcome reception...If things do get hairy we will sort it out..Now as much as I'd love to chat we have a few more scenes with these two today and we need to shoot while we have the good weather... So you go get changed and relax while you can tomorrow you start your fight choreography" you nodded receiving one last hug from Joey and a pat on the back from Henry as they turned moving to their next scene. The one you just filmed was a little further into the season then where they were up to but as they said they needed it for the trailer.

Henry took a breath he didn't want to leave you..Not yet he had only just spoke to you for the first time and for the next few days you wont see much of each other, he had a few night scenes that needed to be filmed...At night that meant he would be asleep for most of the day when you would be up and about set. Even if he did manage to drag himself out of bed he doubted he would see you, you would be busy he had your schedule...He had managed to wrangle one from of the offices had he said you'd lost yours? Maybe...But he was just excited he wanted to see when you'd both be around one another so he could prepare himself. He seemed to just be on egg shells, blundering his way through conversations and if he wasn't stammering and mixing his words he was fucking staring. He really had to get this attraction under control, preferably by having you on his arm.

That scene had been incredible for him, it was a flirtatious piece before boiling into sexual tension as he Geralt had followed the shifty witch about the banquet hall before confronting her over his suspicions. He sighed happily the grabbing and touching, pinning you it sent his  thoughts running wild, he loathed to admit it but his manhandling of you had...Really did it for him, which surprised him he has never been one for the rough and tumble outside of the bed room...or in it really sure he topped but nothing majorly rough a few slaps on the ass here and there and some dirty talk. But ...with you he could see himself experimenting you just shook him! He wanted to go all alpha on your ass!, claim his woman and all that jazz...He  just- around you he truly felt like a man's man you know? The whole 'me Tarzan you Jane' scenario wanting to sling you over his shoulder and take you back to his trailer and fuck the living daylights out of your tiny little pussy!....Fuck!

Having his current infatuation, his fantasy! Pinned and held still to the wall had really fucked him up. I mean what was so sexy about overpowering you with a single hand on your chest? crowding you with his form? leaning so close he could feel your sweet breath fanning his face Fuck me!...Everything, all of it was sexy! he felt powerful and dominant, like he was this big bear who could protect you from everything even yourself!

His only gripe was that he had to remain stoic and irritated as you flirted with him...God he wanted to flirt back let you know he wanted you in the most depraved of ways but that wasn't in the scene. Just remembering the way he had held you was already making him twitch in the tight bottoms of his costume.

It didn't take long to slip, for his imagination to cross over into delicious dangerous territory. He had felt it! The way your heart picked up as he leaned in closer with vaguely threatening words, the soft pants and gasps between your breaths the way your pupils had blown only to return to the sarcastic unamused gaze of keira. He had watched closely as your lips trembled you were quivering and he loved everysecond of it.

"Henryyyy~ oh god really what you do one scene with your precious Tink's and we loose you completely?!" Henry grunted at Joey as they made their way across set, they now needed to film a town scene.

"I'm fine Joey...Just thinking" he snorted at Henry walking around the larger man stopping him in his tracks

"Well don't hurt yourself" Henry rolled his eyes then peaked at the impish grin Joey had.

"So? Happy? I mean you did just get to cop a feel! And be paid to do it mind you!" Henry stopped and stuttered

"I-I did not!  I would never! Joey it was a scene! I didn't cop a feel!" Joey pulled a face unconvinced.

"Uhuh? So your script said 'grab her by the tits' and not 'grab her by the throat'?" Henry stopped 'what?, it fucking? Did ? Oh fuck whats she going to think? Is that why she was unprepared? You are such a fucking dick shes gonna think your a god damn pervert!'

"Hey hey woah! Henry stop slow down mate...I can see what your thinking but just back up...I was joking....Fuck ...That's it calm down she didn't seem to mind...see its fine" Henry calmed down but not by much.

"What the fuck? How am I? Whats she gonna think of me now?"

"Whats who gonna think of what?" Both men looked up as Anya approached readying herself for the shoot. Joey spoke up before Henry could stop him.

"Well you know Henry's little crush had her first shoot today?"

"I don't have a crush!" Anya chuckled at his blatant lie and patted his shoulder

"We know Henry..." she looked to Joey whilst rubbing Henry's back in reassuring circles and continued as he pouted.

"So Tink's is the one replacing whatsherface I thought it was just a rumor" Joey laughed as Henry heaved a sigh becoming a light pink colour.

"How does? We-I don't have a...Fuck it" Henry gave up resigning to the fact that everyone probably knew no matter how discrete he thought he was being. Anya sighed at the buff man.

"Henry you wouldn't shut up about her we all know..." Henry looked between them a little sheepish he couldn't help it. Joey cleared his throat.

"...yes well at one point Henry here had to pin her to a wall by her throat but instead decided to use her boobs to keep her still...and he has only just realized" Anya sighed

"Oh god you didn't? Really?...please tell me you didn't squeeze..." he full on blushed.

"NO! FUCK-I I did not squeeze...I didn't even notice not until Joey just brought it up...Its probably why she wasn't ready and banged her head, she thought I was going for her throat to push her back but instead I....Fuck sake!" Anya looked to Joey for the full story.

"He pushed her a little hard and her head hit the wall...I'm sure it was your strength that caught her off guard not your meaty palm squishing her tits..." Henry groaned running his hands over his face.

Anya sighed looking at him she could tell this was going to eat away at him.

"Look if she didn't say anything then she probably doesn't even realize...just play it by ear...if she does bring it up then apologize sincerely...All women love a gentleman" Henry sighed Anya was right the scene just naturally progressed you probably wouldn't have noticed, but he couldn't help feel bad he liked you he didn't want to blow it.

"But...but what if she hasn't said anything because shes scared of me" anya scoffed shaking her head.

"Seriously? You think shes afraid of you?" Henry furrowed his brow as she and joey laughed

"Well she must be! She always ran away from me! And couldn't look at me when she auditioned and today she had to hide behind Kal just to speak a few words to me!...I can understand I mean shes small and I'm a big guy then I fucking throw her about like that!? Shit shes never gonna go out with me if I fucking frighten her! Why the fuck are you two laughing I'm serious?!" Anya managed to stem her chuckles feeling bad for him, he honestly had no clue.

"Shes not scared Henry...Fuck really you haven't noticed?"

"Noticed what?!" Joey intercepted still chuckling, honestly it was like watching a fumbling preteen with a first crush.

"She likes you...A lot shes embarrassed" Henry frowned at them were they making fun of him? He shook his head getting irritated.

"No...she can't it doesn't make sense why would she run and be all..."

"Nervous and stuttering?like oh I font know a girl meeting her favorite celebrity? " Joey added Henry blinked what? You were a fan?

"There we go the penny has dropped!" Henry moved shifting on his feet flushing red

"She cant be-"

"She is Tee told me, shes a fan of yours Henry so she gets all shy" 'was that true? You liked him; his work so got flustered and avoided him? Fuck Cavill you dumb ass! That makes perfect sense! She hid because she was nervous, and she used Kal as a coping mechanism! She probably doesn't want to freak you out!' Henry smiled getting more confident if..if it was true then all he had to do was get you used to being around him, he could relax now knowing he didn't scare you just made you...what? Happy nervous? He was snapped out of his thoughts by Joey.

"Why don't you come along with us tomorrow...Invite her out for a late lunch? We can go as a group so technically its not a date but we can get her a few wines down her and loosen her up a bit and get her relaxed and you two can talk get to know her more!"Anya gasped

"Thats a brilliant idea we can say its because me and Freya want to meet her before our scenes together! A nice casual lunch and we can sit her next to you Henry!" Henry smiled...That was a good idea he could get to know you and not come on to strong as like a date. He nodded to Anya and Joey he would go and ask you after shooting today, suddenly he couldn't wait for tomorrow envisioning finally getting to have a real conversation with you and hopefully get you to relax around him.

You ran back to your trailer, luckily it took half the time to get out of costume then it did to get in. It only took an hour and you were finally y/n again and ready to chill like Tomasz said. You heaved a huge sigh once alone in your new home. You wanted to just go back to bed but your mind was reeling ,that had been incredible and terrifying all in one. 'But bitch you did it! Fuck yes!...And oh my god he touched you....Okay so it was for a scene so does it count?...Maybe, and he got you food! He fed you girl~...Well again not really,...Just coffee but still he thought of you? like he Ugh! How the fuck are you gonna survive this?!...Okay breath you didn't squeal....or scream or dry hump him....So today is going to go down as a win! But oh my fuck he was so strong~ like fuck he could one hundred percent rip you in half and your sorry ass would fucking drool over his muscles during and thank him after! And he was warm to...So warm and his smelt handsome...How the fuck can anyone smell handsome? You didnt know but fuck he did clean and masculine and just UGH!...Yes...Just yes girl so handsome and big and buff and....Fuck you wanted to just UGH!...Fuck...Just oh my god how are we gonna get through this with him being all growly and beefy...Okay something else....Kal, Kal is so cute and fluffy and big just like his daddy-NO! No no no stop it...Stop that right now!...He was hot though' you could still feel where he had placed his hand over your chest, the tingles he left it was ridiculous! His palm had been so hot...Like the rest of him so no real surprise...But fuck for you to feel it through the thick dress he must be hot...Which some how was more of a turn on you were wet...Like whet.

You cringed as you shifted feeling the arousal in your knickers making them stick to your outer lips it was uncomfortable, should probably take care of that.. you got up moving to the small toilet flicking off your knickers and blushed...Wow okay the man had definitely done a number on your libido...And you thought tumblr smut did you good but shit this was almost laughable. You rolled your eyes moving to the toilet wiping yourself down cleaning yourself up. It did no use you growled twitching and bucking into your hand as you moved as fast as you could trying not to fan the flames as brushing past your clit silently praying that this wouldn't be a regular thing after shoots. But you fucking doubt it! Seriously on set he was a huge growly built witcher...Who was also a frequent fantasy so yeah looks like your knickers were in for a rough ride. You whined trying to wipe away as much as you could feeling embarrassed as well as a little naughty, but to be honest you didn't feel to bad about it. Was that weird? besides if you hid it then it wont be a problem...A few months of sexual frustration wont be so bad...would it? Not like the man didn't know he was attractive so if he did ever see well...He wont blame you...would he?.

You mulled over these thoughts then quickly shook your head deciding some questions are better left unanswered. You looked down at into the toilet...If you continued to wipe yourself down you'd have a hell of a job explaining a clogged toilet...There was no dignified way of explaining a clogged toilet. So it was settled you needed a shower....A cold shower and clean knickers then a nap! sounds like a plan. On that thought, You poked your head out of the shower checking for a mini washing machine...Nada great so had to settle for just quickly rinsing them in the sink then hang them somewhere. You moved quickly pulling the cord and flipping on the switch letting the water to pour through the shower head.

You hissed as you stepped into the cubicle and the cool water hit your bare skin. You blinked looking at the damp knickers on the floor of the tiny room you shrugged and threw them on the floor of the shower giving them a quick blast washing away your own mess then kicked them out choosing to find a spot to dry them later. It was only when you stood below the stream of water that you realized just how flushed you was. Your heated skin protested to the water but soon it was comfortable and relaxing you closed your eyes trying to take a few zen moments under the cool spray willing away all your troubles.

Mainly the throbbing between your thighs it only lasted a few minuets before you got irritated huffing it wasn't working! you growled  having a quick wash hoping your arousal would settle on its own but soon you realized it wasn't going to happen and you needed to clean your still tremble core. You hissed bucking having to bite your own hand as you moved the shower head to the apex of your thighs. You whined as the light spray washed away your arousal pressing against your clit. You moaned as the cool water seemed to be just what you needed cooling the heated flesh and giving you incredible waves of pleasure vibrating along your nerves in slow tremors as good as it felt it was...not enough? It felt nice and nice just wasn't going to cut it! you grunted trying desperately to find that spot, that angle and rhythm that will take you to paradise but this shower was shit... Nothing like your expensive high power shower at home.

You whined widening your legs thighs shaking one hand was on the side of the tiny cubicle bracing yourself as you rocked and circled trying to chase a high that was slipping away as your frustration built. You hissed out throwing your head back moaning in disappointment trying to conjure an image, fantasy anything that would help but each time you latched onto one it was him and for some reason it felt...wrong and dirty. You gave up with a angry grunt quickly hooking the shower head back up and flipped it off. Getting out and wrapping a towel around you now in a sour mood. How the fuck was it easy to masturbate over him when you've never met him yet fucking difficult when you had met him... But surely it should be easier to get yourself there thinking of him, you had more to go on now. Maybe it was to do with the fact you had to face him now? either way it wasn't going to happen well not today anyway...Or was it?

It was then you decided to start going through tumblr...Probably not going to help but fuck you were desperate! you were horny and had to try, tumblr smut fics had never done you wrong before hopeful the writers would work their magic once more quickly scrolling through to your favorite smut fics and settling in the bed at the back of the bus. You moved crawling across the soft covers still wrapped in the huge bath sheet towel not caring that everything  was getting damp, if you had your way they'd be getting a lot wetter!

You flopped on your back pillows propping you up a little getting comfy you took a deep breath and spread your legs your tablet leaning on one bent leg, headphones next to you just in case a porn audio took your fancy. You started eyes scanning the words of a particularity juicy fic that you'd reread hundreds of times by this point you knew it almost word for word but still found yourself becoming turned on by the well written words, the slow build up that had you panting as you ghosted your fingers across your thighs slowly making their way to your mound, then bypassing making you shiver as you continued the journey up your soft tummy goose bumps raising along the flesh under your slight touches all the way to your chest leaving light tiny pinches on the underside of your breasts and circled your nipples letting the words sink in getting yourself ready for a promising orgasm.

You moved things along skipping a few paragraphs finding the hottest part of the chapter finally you moved two fingers to circle your tiny throbbing bud. Arching as your soft fingers rolled in small figure eights around the swollen flesh you rocked lightly and dug your toes into the covers below you trying to hold still and enjoy your body for whats its worth. Sighing you moved plucking at it from side to side pulling and tugging it this way and that as your walls began contracting wanting to be full, aching to a full body shuddering orgasm! The pleasure built faster then in the shower under your own skilled fingers and you grunted moving rocking faster. Half of you wanting to make this last, to enjoy the slow build up the other half just wanted this over, already done with this shit. You lowered your fingers leaving your clit to drift lower and rubbing your opening digging in your fingertips to give the muscles a massage treating yourself before diving right inside your arousal was coating you making it easier. You closed your eyes forgoing the fic now finding yourself able to have your own fantasy. Imagining another of Henry's characters somehow you could separate Henry from captain syverson which was a fucking god send at this point! then just as you were going to impale yourself on your own fingers and finally get your well deserved release. Then you heard it, your phone. It was like god himself doesn't want you to cum today.

Your head fell back an you kicked at the mattress having a quick paddy before wrapping your towl around you with a grunt and clambered out of bed to see who was cock blocking you. It was a good thing you got up to answer it as the tell tale 'mama' by scissor sisters blaring out signalling it was your mum and you'd be in deep shit is you ignored her. you took a deep breath and sat at the small table just by the door tugging the towel tight and answered.

"hi mum..you alright?"

"hey baby! how did it go? did you enjoy it? when can I see my baby girls perfomance? it was for the trailer wasn't it? tell me!!" you chuckled and leaned back she was really excited about all this, probably moreso then you.

"It was...It was fun I was nervouse but everyone said I did good...Didn't forget lines and stuff...Tomasz said the trailer will be out early in a few days so just keep your eye out on netflix but don't send it to me or tag me in it please...don't wanna see it yet"

"Tomasz? he is the....Bard?!" you laughed out loud shaking your head

"No director...Joey is the bard"

"So it was all okay? I'm glad I was so worried for you I tried not to call but I couldn't help it been sitting here all day worrying...And I may have...Well don't be mad!" you took a deep breath oh god what has she done!

"Mum..Mum what have you done?..You didn't tell anyone yet did you please tell me you've kept quiet!" she chuckled nervously

"Well...I may have accidentally let slip to...Well Casper? just a tiny bit...Teeny weeny bit" you froze she fucking what?! oh god oh god oh god! if Casper knows then the others probably will soon! you'd hoped to keep this away from the entourage of seriously over protective older brothers!

"MOTHER!? WHA-why? what the fuck? please tell me your joking?" she sighed

"oh I'm sorry love...But I was here alone worried...I really tried but he called and well he knew something was up and I just...it was an accident....I just needed someone to share the news with sweetheart! I'm sorry besides they will be happy for you! you know that they look out for you they just care..I'm sure it will be fine!" you grumbled down the phone to her making her sigh

"I am sorry it just slipped...I know they are...overwhelming and cocky and stubborn but they are your brothers and they love you, your their baby sister and they just want what's best for you" you sighed you knew that but they were all very over the top, fuck they are the reason your a virgin! no one would dare cross them! when you had your first kiss the poor soul was pulled off you and got a smack in the mouth since then everyone knew you were off limits. Not that your mother ever found out that little detail she thought you’d done the 'hanky panky' in secondary school like the rest of them.

"Yes I know...I suppose that was why you called to huh? to warn me?" you heard her click her tongue and hummed

"Well yes...He was happy for you, then he seemed to get antsy over the whole fame thing...And then when he realized you'd be working scenes with Geralt...Especially when he know you like the man...God for the life of me I can't remember his name! Hank-Harry?

""Henry"

"AH! yes that's it Henry the one you saw on tudors? and superman and fuck what else was he in? The spy one...fuck haha! you know its funny I should know this of by heart from all the squealing and what did you call it? fangirling? ..How has that been going by the way I'm assuming you were filming with him?" you hesitated a little

"I-err well we spoke a little this morning..From what Joey;the bard before you ask, said Henry had come to the make up early to try and make sure I didn't freak out to much...its why I stopped messaging you" she gasped

"Oh well that was nice of him...He is looking out for you then?"

"Yes to an extent...He got me coffee and was nice and he let me cuddle Kal! I sort of had really bad anxiety and kal-bear noticed so crawled into my lap...Henry let him and then Joey and Henry walked me to set...Well dragged me I ...I tried to run a little bit"

"Well thats good! You’ll need someone to help you...I guess you didn't have a screaming fit then?" you scoffed

"NO! what am I a child puh-lease I am an adult woman mother and I can handle a small crush!" she snorted at you

"I think not! you should remember who your talking to I know you inside and out! just..I know you like the idea of him but looks can be deceiving okay? just be careful there's a reason people say don't meet your idols y/n" you sighed

"I know mum...But I promise he has been nothing but a gentleman he is nice and is very supportive, he said so himself at the audition he will mentor me so I can learn on the job...I'm effectively his apprentice and I have everything under control...We wont see one another for a few days now any way...Got fight choreography for the next few days then some more fittings for other costumes then I will be on set filming more...Any way I best go...Gotta get some lunch havent eaten today yet...was to nervous...gonna chill for the rest of the day..Tomasz thinks the trailer will be done and out by tomorrow sometime so its going to get hectic"

"Okay love...If Casper calls just answer him if you avoid it you'll make him worse and he will call the others and you'll be bombarded with texts and calls...he might even call Kane....besides if you sort it out now alt least you wont have to face any of them for a while...not till you come here for filming...Or Christmas"

"Oh did they get the go ahead from brian?"

"Yes he signed a few weeks ago free reign over the woods and fells so you will be here filming I think it was for five weeks...Okay then I will let you go, take it easy be careful and I will call tomorrow okay? love you"

"Love you two mum speak tomorrow...not before eleven though!"

"Yes yes I know now go eat!"

"I will bye" you hung up and took a deep breath. shit. if Casper knew he was bound to have told one or two of the others. You got up from the table sliping on a sweater dress and some leggings before making your way over to the dining tent for lunch deciding you would feel better after some food.

Jesus Christ, it had already begun! the chefs were all over you like a bad rash, it seems everyone had now either heard you was the stand in or seen it. They were all happy said nice encouraging things..A few teased you playfully like Mathew who had been a bit of a... well you wouldn't say creeper but he didn't seem to realize that you wasn't interested, not that he asked you out but he...You knew he wanted to but no...Just no. He was nice but you didn't like him like that,  he made you super uncomfortable and not in a nervous crush type of way that Henry had. After nearly forty five minuets of a cringey conversation you finally wriggled away from him and took a seat at one of the huge tables half way through the now cold soup thanks to Mathew you got the call.

Your phone buzzed to life with your brother Casper’s face. Fuck sake!. you debated ignoring it but knowing him he would go all commanding officer on your ass and you just didn't need that. You slipped the phone in your hand.

"Hello Cas"

"What the fuck do you think your upto?!" you winced oh yes definitely his officer voice

"What do you mean? look I know mum told you and if your just going to yell at me then fuck off okay? they needed someone"

"Then they should find someone, but not my little fucking little sister...Your still a little baby"

"Don't call me baby alright? Jesus Cas I do have my own life you know? I can do what I want!" he scoffed you could feel him shaking his head

"But-but with him how the fuck? your going to get hurt sis you know that don't you? please please please tell them no, say something came up and you have to come home" you growled

"NO! ABSOLUTLY NOT!" you looked around seeing people stop and stare as you shouted down the phone to your over zealous brother.you quickly tucked your self into your shoulders.

"No I will not let them down! I signed the contract and I'm doing it! I'm keeping my word and you know what I am fucking enjoying myself! You know being an adult cos funny enough that's what I am...I thought you'd be happy for me?" he grunted

"I am happy for you! but I'm also worried, your about to be in the fucking spotlight y/n don't you see that? interviews, award shows the whole nine yards! and with no fucking preparation! no one in your corner!" you scoffed

"Oh thank so I'm on my own? because I haven't packed it in and come home like a good girl? is that what your saying? huh how dare I go and do something for myself by myself?!" he groaned and huffed down the phone you heard a thump he had obviously just hit something.

"That’s is not what I'm saying and you know it!  I always have you back just like the others you know that! I'm worried for you...I love you y/n...I don't want to see you crushed..The media are cruel and the fan base can be crueler...Please just tell me that you thought this through." you took a deep calming breath and nodded covering your eyes and leaned on your elbow on the table.

"I have...Tomasz and Lauren; the director and producer...They are releasing it in a way to let people know that if I hadn't stepped in then there would be no season two so that's one brownie point...And Henry and Joey are also on board helping me, they are mentoring me along the way and-" Casper hummed

"I'm also worried about him to...I don't want you caught up with him, I know what you think of him but he is still a man and they are only after-" you suddenly got very angry at what he was insinuating.

"Casper! Dont you fucking go there! I know bloody well what you fucking think? for fuck sake you and the others made damn sure I would die a fucking spinster, never had a fucking boyfriend cos of that stupid 'boys want one thing' bullshit at this point I wouldn't even know what to do with one! so just drop it!" he sighed it was something that all the brothers shared guilt over, they had isolated you, stopped you from having that first love and heartbreak now you were terrified of intimacy and the thought of needing someone in our life...

They knew it was their fault in some overprotective male bullshit they had basically given you a complex and ruined prospect of marriage and a family. They each regretted it and wanted to go back and change it but they can't. And it wasn't just boys they kept you away from girls to, ones they thought would lead you astray embarrassing you by showing up at teen parties and dragging you home kicking and screaming in front of your friends at eight at night trying to protect your virtue wanting what was best for you leaving you now a twenty seven year old virgin...Not by choice they had kicked the shit out of anyone who fucking blinked in your direction to this day you were still bitter about it and rightfully so.

They were out of line and should have known better, even your parents pulled them up and had many talks about it warning that they were going to give you a complex and issues later on but they never listened and there were to many of them for your mum and dad to really keep track and keep an eye on.

"Look Cas please just trust me I...If I'm going to make mistakes let me decide which ones to make okay? I'm happy and I'm going to be careful...I know you have my best interests at heart but at some point I've got to..." he sighed sadly he knew where you was coming from they had suffocated you growing up and now you were naive and that was their fault and just made them worry more and more becoming one huge nasty cycle. They want you to be happy and settle down but they still saw you as the baby sister who needed her knights in shinning Armour! And they wasn't ready to let anyone else be your hero.

"Please Casper...Just tell me your with me? That you think I can do it? I really need my family right now to just have my back" you closed your eyes feeling a huge weight on your back, you loved each and every one of your brothers and always wanted to make them proud but it was hard when your the baby of the family, you know they all mean well but...Well they are men and idiots fucking, children if your honest. You took a deep breath waiting to hear his reply.

"I've got your back Titch, always got your back and I trust you...And if-if you do get close to him and want to ...You know go for it....But same thing goes I don't care if he is a big star he fucking upsets you I will break his legs! Okay? Anyway enough of that...Don't need to think of you doing the nasty...So who you playing anyway? mum couldn't remember" you sighed in relief at least Cas would back you up when the others found out.

"keira...I'm playing keira...Did a shoot today its going to be in the trailer...Think they are releasing it tomorrow sometime so keep your eyes peeled..." you smiled you heard someone in the back ground say something ad Casper grunt and swear

"Whats wrong cas?"

"Fucking recruits locked in the boiler room...Fucking tit honestly how I'm going to manage this lot I don't have a clue...Think I should send them to Kane...He'd fucking make them shit themselves" you laughed as he mentioned your stoic eldest brother who had a bit of a reputation for being a hard ass...Well a hard ass with a stick up his ass. He was good in the army terrified the newbies, if at least one didn't piss himself on the first day then Kane wasn't doing his job right..

"Oh god your not loosing your touch are you?" he swore at you grumbling

"No I'm not you cheeky little shit!" you giggled at his remark knowing the teasing meant there was no hard feelings and continued.

"weelll I don't know...Didn't scare me on the phone earlier and if it was Kane well...Yeah Kane is Kane" he hummed in reply before carrying on in a sly voice

"Well that’s cos you think that your not gonna face me for a while but I’m on leave in two months...And you never know your only gonna be in London~" you faltered the smug grin dropped

"What the- how'd you know?" he chuckled

"Mum gave each of us your schedule from when you got the job with Tee she knew we'd want to know sooo I'm guessing that things are gonna be the same, your in Scotland now then home in sturry and the rest in London...Not that far any way I'm off take care, be safe and I will see you soon~" you groaned into the phone

"Okay then see you soon? Love you miss you already"

"Love you to Titch" he hung up and you sighed well...that wasn't so bad? was it? you smiled moving to clear up your bowl an exited the tent just missing the down trodden Henry who had just left the tent himself.

Henry was devastated after spending an hour or so hold up in his trailer sulking playing what he heard over and over again trying to work out who you were talking to he had lost hope. He had summarized  that you had a boyfriend. After not hearing from Henry for over an hour when he said he’d text, Joey decided to pop over and had sat and listened as Henry was explaining what he had just heard.

Henry was nearly in tears he wanted to shout he felt so? so? what hurt? he was upset and embarrassed he had made a fool of himself and for what? You had a boyfriend fuck knowing his luck a fucking husband!

"No I'm sure you heard wrong Henry Tee said she isn't seeing anyone" Henry growled

"Yeah well shes fucking wrong! I know what I heard Joey! they argued her and this 'CaSpEr' he didn't want her to be here! or or do anything by the sounds of it a right dick head...She popped off at him...From what she said he must have ordered her home...Fucking cunt!...What kind of a name is Casper any way sounds like a fucking prick! and then by the end 'LoVe YoU MiSs YoU AlReAdY' and they must be serious cos she was all like 'how I need my family around me' so he is already family I've got no chance Joey! The one girl that catches my eye after all this time and shes fucking taken! Fuck how could I be so stupid...You know I'm lucky I heard and didn't make a complete fool of myself and ask her to come out with us! god why can't things just fuck?...ugh!" Joey watched hesitantly he hadn't seen Henry like this before...kal was curled up smothering him and he looked crushed. Joey sighed and pulled out his phone texting Tee again explaining things.

"Casper? was that the name?" Henry nodded still furious with himself he lifted a hand up.

"What the-Joey what are you doing? look fucking leave it its done move on...She'd never like me for me anyway, They all just want a fucking superman!" Joey scoffed

"Always so fucking dramatic-AHAH! Henry you fucktard!...Wow okay fuck you know I'd leave it, fuck that..Shes a lost cause I say" Henry sat up sharply making Kal groan a jump down to the floor with an indignant huff.

"W-what did she reply? whats wrong?" Joey cleared his throat re reading the text

"Henry she has siblings...A lot of siblings"

"Yeah and I have a few siblings I don't see how thats relevant?"

"No your not with me Henry. She is the youngest of nine....Shes got eight older brothers Casper is one of them...She was talking to her brother who is in the army" Henry blinked..siblings? Oh....Well shit he didn't even think..But yes that would make sense..wow he fucked up, and lost a chance to get to know her by throwing a temper tantrum like a spoilt little boy.

"Her brother?..In the army that's why she said she misses him...That would explain....Shit I fucked up"

"Yes you did! royally! you know Anya and Freya are expecting her to show tomorrow and its like nine at night so you can't exactly go ask now you fucking twat....My god such a child hang on Mama Joey will fix this but you owe me!" Joey sighed and quickly started texting Tee Henry moved looking over the mans shoulder watching as he typed letting Tee know what they had planned she replied instantly agreeing with lots of winky faces and eggplant emojis?.

"There all sorted Tee will invite her out and we will all casually bump into one another...And for fuck sake find out her brothers names so we don't have this again! Jesus!" Henry looked down sheepishly now ashamed of his reaction, it wasn't like him to sulk or as his mum would put it 'throw his toys out of the pram' Henry leaned over hugging the singer tight

"Thank you Joey...I really do owe you....And sorry for the sulking and bitching...Just you know I really like her, and I want this to...I just got a feeling about her...I-I think she could be the one...Never got this wound tight over a woman before and...And I don't want to fuck this up!" Joey smiled and stood up.

"Well to late for that my friend however I am here to help you know that! so is Anya and Tee and Freya if Anya has anything to say about it, you'll be a couple by the end of filming I'm sure of it...Hell when the betting starts im putting money down!” henry rolled his eyes pushing Joey a bit he laughed then began again

“Look your half way there she is a fan, just gotta get her out of the whole 'Henry Cavill movie star' mind set down to a more intimate 'Henry Cavill my sexy colleague who I want to fuck-OUCH FUCK! HE-HENRY! H-HEY NO PITCHING!" Henry laughed it was true he just had to get over the initial 'oh my god its superman' then things will be easier to manage...if he can control his own nerves that is. Henry gave Joey on final hug as the singer left thanking him and closed the door resting his back on the door taking a deep breath then jumpers the three steps up to the 'living area' and fist pumped the air having a little moment.

"Fucking Get In!! did you see that Kal!?! Daddy has a date with Tinks!!! hey you hear me buddy? tinks and daddy are having lunch!!...Okay well not a date but we are having lunch....Fuck...What should I wear boy?....cant go to dressed up...but sweats are...no....Shit! Kal son I've got fuck all to wear...I DIDN'T PREPARE FOR THIS!!"  Kal barely batted and eye lid at his human as he ran to the closet in a panic ripping through his clothes wanting to find something suitable. Kal yawned and looked to the huge bed in the back of the home away from home and huffed, Henry would be at this all night fussing over matching his body wash shampoo and conditioner scent and after shave...Not that he can shave but a bit of smelly never hurt to entice the ladies.

"Kal?KAL?! Coconut or Lynx Africa?!" Kal  blinked and turned on the spot and stretched yawning slowly away from Henry making the man sigh. With one huge leap Kal landed on the empty bed, if Henry wasn't going to use it then its no use letting the comfy spot go to waste, the Akita made a loud snort as he flopped down closing his eyes, when Henry got like this Kal just tried to ignore him, the human would tire himself out eventually until then Kal would get some shut eye. he peeked one last time seeing his dad who scrabbled about yanking out clothes sniffing them to see if they were clean or not, he shrugged digging through the tops he swore he packed a dark blue button up! and he was determined to find it even if it took all night!

#henry cavill x reader #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fic #henry cavill x y/n #henry cavill x you #geralt of rivia #geralt x reader #geralt x y/n

[bigsteeb]

this is gonna be a long post so bear with me, growing pains got a b i g emotional reaction out of me & I need to share my thoughts & feelings about it because jesus fucking christ.

ok first things first, someone hug this boy immediately. he’s sat in his room, still in his pajamas, in day time watching dog copter. this whole scene is just steven going “lol I’m sad, I’m gonna comfort eat & stay in my pajamas & watch a kids show I watched when I wasn’t as sad haha” & it’s not only upsetting, but relatable too fuck. his room is a mess along with him eating ice cream at what I assume is morning… making it his breakfast? geez steven. also idk if it’s just me here but in this shot he looks… bigger? like ignoring his body size shifting later on in the episode he looks a lot wider than he usually does when paul & drew board episodes to me, he’s rivalling etienne & maya’s steven’s wideness. did he… get chubbier from comfort eating? how much time has passed since together forever for him to put on weight if he has? this could literally just be steven slouching or his pajamas making him look bigger but as someone who is an advocate for the body positivity shown in su & suf it has me curious. I want to hug this soft, sad boy. It could also be due to how steven’s design fluctuates through the animation process, it’s never really on model all the time. 

the grunting noise he makes in this scene is very distressing, as are other moments from the episode too. a glimpse at the glow-bracelet he proposed to connie with is enough to physically pain him? fuck me man. is he leaving his room where there’s already ice cream… to get more ice cream? sobs. also the puns in this shot. I cant? slow burn?! you’re evil crewniverse. not to mention his body size changing throughout this scene, god this poor lad.

screams, this was when I started worrying. the boy is now in an environment he has never been in before & is feeling extremely uncomfortable & vulnerable. look at the lines under his eyes, his sad eyebrows & pout I hate it. also don’t even get me started on this part. the slight raise of a voice being enough to send him into panic?! fuck I hate how much I relate to that. 

here’s where I immediately broke, no god damn pun intended. seeing steven’s skeleton, steven’s fucking skull, like this pained me. that crack on his skull is from fucking jasper in jail break. I can’t express all of the visceral emotions that were going through my body at this. there was intense sadness for steven, extreme anger at jasper & the gems for allowing shit like this to happen to him. turns out he’s not as resilient as we thought he was. each hit he takes physically breaks him & then his gem instantly heals his wounds, my heart fucking broke at this. think back to everything that happened to him, everything that physically hurt him. it broke him I can’t deal with it! then there’s what priyanka says to steven next;

“you seem to of made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn't change the fact that you experienced trauma. you’ve recovered physically but, have you recovered mentally?”

this part here along with her reassuring him that there’s nothing wrong with his brain, how childhood trauma can have an impact on how your body responds to stress & how you act in your social life, the usage of the word “cortisol” too. this stuff being in a children's tv show is incredible. the writing for priyanka describes trauma simply enough for kids to understand, but for adults to fully realise too. folks, steven has ptsd. there wasn't one bit of sugarcoating about it or nothing, this is canon fact & it hurts me. for so long have I wanted steven’s emotional issues to be alked about, to not only be brought to steven’s attention but to the audience’s too.

everything that has happened to him has built up to this moment. this moment where his behaviour & coping methods are finally making sense to a large majority of the fandom, & to steven himself. he’s hurting; physically, mentally & emotionally, & he isn’t coping well what so ever about it. his emotional support system is complete garbage, no one regularly checks in on him & folks just take steven at face value like “oh yea glowing pink? he’s fine it’s just steven” but he’s the bad person?! I hope a lot of you out there who genuinely believe steven is a bad person re-think yourselves after this. dealing with trauma is tough as shit. some days you even wonder if that one thing that fucked you up is really worth being labelled as trauma. I still can’t believe this is the route they’re taking, if he doesn’t get some form of therapy by the end of future I’ll be furious.

then things begin to spiral as he remembers what happened with connie. he clutches his chest in pain & begins changing size over intense amounts of stress & it was extremely distressing to watch. steven immediately reassures connie that this isn’t because of her, but because of everything else that happened to him. however. I believe that that’s a slight lie, he wouldn’t of spiralled if he hadn’t of remembered the proposal, steven you fucking himbo. he continues to reassure them both that he’s fine, just that he needs them to leave so he can calm himself enough to control himself.

then this happens.

“I. CAN’T. BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!”

this was fucking intense. he means this literally in 2 ways btw. his body size shifting over the stress he’s feeling is a danger to both connie & priyanka in this moment, but it’s also because of how it started. being around connie hurts him. he’s not mad at her though let me make that very clear, just that thinking about what happened when he tired to propose to her is sending his head in a fritz. he did what he did full of confidence in together forever, for connie to then make him realise how silly he was being. these two are destined for each other, but that advice from ruby & sapphire has really fucked with him. he looks up to those 2, looks up to garnet, their relationship is so strong & stable. for them to give him that advice & to then scream “DO IT!” in his face is incredibly tasteless imo.

then greg gets here. I knew connie was calling for either greg or the gems when she was on her phone as she left the room, fuck yea connie I love you. the breathless, strained “thank you” from steven towards connie for calling his dad? g o d. connie telling him she’ll be there for him when he’s ready?! g o d. these next boards were done by rebecca, I knew immediately when I saw steven’s face. it makes sense that rebecca boarded these, because fuck. 

how do I move on from all of the stuff I’ve been through? how do I live life if it always feels like I’m about to die!?

I’m tearing up as I type this. when I first heard the leak of this audio I so badly wanted to believe it, but to also believe it was fake too. I was an emotional mess off & on for about 3 days over it because I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking distressing it was. like… shit steven. he seriously feels this. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain he felt just saying this in front of his fucking dad. he is hurting badly. this boy, this sweet sweet boy we’ve watched grow & develop into the person he is today is distraught about his future & life. it is… soul crushing to watch this. a group of friends of mine have found joking about the episode as a form of coping with the intensity of it & as much as that’s valid as fuck, any joke coming from this episode feels morally wrong to me. I can’t bring myself to join in it feels terrible even thinking about laughing at it to cope. I love them all, but I can’t bare myself to join them. this moment ending with greg comforting steven, telling him he’s here for him & all of his struggles, got me weeping. greg is possible the best father figure I’ve seen on tv, let alone a kids tv show. he’s amazing.

the final scene right here is lovely. greg making steven a hot chocolate & listening to him vent, reassuring him over his worry for his future. this right here is exactly what steven needs. someone to talk to, someone he could trust to talk about his feelings to. this the start of his support system, tag on peri from in dreams, bis in bismuth casual as well as connie from the past few episodes & it’s already looking great! even when greg eased him about being there for him steven still feels guilty about him leaving his tour, leaving his tour because he got a phone call from connie about his son being in need & steven feels guilty about it. fucking hell man. I did enjoy how the episode ended though, with that little moment between the both of them;

“just get some rest kiddo. you don’t have to solve all of your problems in one night.”

“yea. thanks dad.”

it’s a great message too, all of your struggles can’t be dealt with all at once. I’ve used a similar analogy before but it’s like removing a dead tree. you have to deal with all of the little things surround this issue first before you get to the deep, harder stuff. along side the message about trauma they’re both very important messages, I’m glad they exist in the show.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

one more thing before I end my thoughts & feelings over growing pains.

this ending shot;

as soon as I saw the frog mug my mind raced back to the promo for this scene, & this whole moment to come entirely. if you remember this moment has the first set of leaked audio within it, the audio of the gems basically cornering steven about him not opening up to them. christ pearl even gets mad at him for his gem building a wall behind him, protecting him from them. it’s common knowledge, I hope, that steven’s gem reacts to his emotional state. pearl herself has said this;

“I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.”

his gem building this wall? it felt like steven was being threatened by them. this scene now has awful connotations with it. because since we now know what the pink mode is doing to steven, how actually painful it is, think back to these;

yea. fuck the gems. I’ll let it slide if steven, greg or priyanka haven’t told them about what happened at the hospital. but if they do know, if they know how much it hurts steven being in his pink mode & still press into him about it I’ll see red. with steven’s trauma & now ptsd being cemented into the show I fucking hope garnet, amethyst & pearl get held accountable for what they put on him as a kid. that shit will not slide with me if they don’t. do not condone what the gems put him through. do not condone the gems for making steven feel like he had to be his mum for them. just… don’t. please.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk lmao sdngsjfhg #this episode fucked me up in more ways than one #i dont even think ill simmer down about it before next weeks episodes either #it was… a lot... to listen & deal with #i care deeply about steven as a character #& see it being canon that he has trauma & ptsd… possible c-ptsd #it fucking breaks my heart #god dammit it crewniverse #i hope you handle this with extreme care #i trust you but still… jesus christ #steven universe #steven universe future #su spoilers #su future spoilers

[lanchang]

you know if xl trio had stayed together or at least had had a more graceful parting... i think mu qing would have become less emotionally constipated.

like, its difficult to do better for yourself when such Big Things happen when you act with good intentions and an eye for the bigger picture... and you no longer have any friends... or maybe its just that the friend you still know the whereabouts OF is constantly fighting with you and while he did that before he has things to be Angry about (and so do you...tbh). and you're Busy bc you're a whole god!! and you might b immortal but do you have time to spend?? you have a reputation to worry about!

this is incoherent and too long but mq deserves Hobbies i want him to make silly little things. and also i believe in his ability to heal if given Opportunity but like i dont think he's really had the space or opportunity yet.

WAAAAAAH omg no i get what youre staying yeah literally like he tried to do what he thought was best and maybe if he’d actually been able to communicate his intentions to his friends it could have gone better and i have to reread the 33 officials scene and the rice scene (pain. pain.) but he does try but he just doesn’t get anywhere bc feng xin and xie lian don’t want to listen to him. like in the bit where he leaves and feng xin starts saying that mu qing was always gonna leave and how he wasn’t loyal and mu qing literally has to be like “don’t put words in my mouth” while xie lian is just like “okay well go” and doesn’t act like he wants him to stay. and both of those reactions suck to hear!!! i get where they’re all coming from that’s what makes me insane about their friendship like i think feng xin was also hurt by mu qing wanting to leave bc he keeps talking about it he’s not like “good riddance” he’s like “i cant believe he would leave i would never leave” and xie lian had never dealt a situation like that before he never thought mu qing would leave

omg you were talking more about mu qing specifically during the 800 years and after i got off track book 4 is eating my brain again but YES after the trio’s situation blows up so much i don't blame him for being like "well fuck if trying to help the people i care about ends like that im just gonna focus on being a god now it's literally all i have left and i had to work so hard to get here" and honestly what else could he do like no one knew where xie lian was and i cannot imagine what that was doing to mu qing's head the entire time (the way he camped out the communication array as soon as he knew xie lian was back...) and feng xin was in the mortal realm all the time too he really was alone with his duties.... BUT he still teams up with feng xin to help xie lian after all that... madness

i do like how tgcf ends with a small but noticeable shift in the way mu qing interacts with feng xin and xie lian (he lets go of the broom thing!!!) and i believe that their relationship will continue to improve now that mu qing has been able to say "i care about you" and i wish i could see that happen more (also i think it would be interesting with hua cheng hanging around lol as someone who almost never likes their friends boyfriends it adds a unique flavor to your friendships) but i believe in him learning to speak more openly and honestly AND i believe in his friends learning to listen to him... and yes :pleading: his hobbies... he can fix stuff... his mom taught him how <3

#the paragraphs i can have and will type about this particular fake little man.... thank you for indulging me #ask #anon #tgcf spoilers

[cower-before-power]

GUESS WHO??? it’s bc anon and she just watched 13 episodes today🤧💅 ok recap: noelle Did In Fact get her revenge on soiled, she whooped hims ass AS SHE SHOULD!!!! i was hollering for her the whole entire time. yuno is outrageous how is he so strong SAME WITH LUCK!!! also yuno and rill’s (i think thats his name! the aqua deers captain) fight was AWESOME!!! they were insane!!!! and finral. o my god Finral. i dont think i hate anyone in this show more than laryngitis or whatever. also i guess hes the traitor?? hes got the monster mana like the third eye folks and i hope julius has to kill him bc homie deserves it. anyways i was so shocked to see just how badly finral was hurt for some reason bc ??? finral couldnt hurt a fly. finral Wouldnt hurt a fly either. i cant believe lethargy hates him so much just for being nice💀 what kind of crack pot reason is THAT??? the way the bulls came to finrals rescue made my heart glow tho💔 shame asta couldnt end him tho. the draw thing kinda had me frowning bc asta wanted to avenge finral SO BAD even zora kicked it up for him!!! ALSO ZORA!!! i love him😅 he is absolutely correct and he should be fucking up the haughty stuck up magic knights. his dad seemed like such a good person he didnt deserve any of it. after seeing zoras backstory i totally get why he was such a TURD but i rlly like his magic it kinda goes off. anyways good for yuno and noelle for winning. i already forgot who else was on their team OH THE MUSHROOM GUY LMFAO HE WAS SO FUNNY!!! when he stood up for noelle after just meeting her i was like okay fungus man!!! anyways im right at the end point of this arc i think but im still chugging through it all!!! this arc was super fun (until language decided to try Fratricide) and i really loved it all a lot!! it was nice to see them all fight without lives being on the line (again, laboratory ruined that) and i will will continue to keep you updated!!!!

Sorry for the long wait my friend! I’m finally getting to your ask haha.

Seriously, your names for everyone make me laugh so much!!!! They are so silly but somehow so accurate for how we feel about the characters haha. “Laryngitis” and “Soiled” are my favs 🤣

It was awesome to see Noelle get her revenge!! Not to be too spoilery, but she will prove herself to her siblings again in the near future 😉

Finral is precious sweet baby and I was so made at Langris after what he did!!! That scene where all the Bulls jumped into to protect him is amazing. They have another encounter later one and it’s super great too (I actually enjoy it even better than this one) so look forward to that.

Zora is my hubby, I love him so much 🥰 but he is a bit of a bum haha, does not play well with others. He’s got a good heart though, and him losing his dad was so sad. Glad you finally got to know his real name!

Things are really gonna get wild soon, my friend!! Buckle up and hang on! ❤️❤️

#asks #replies #anon #bc anon #lauren’s sweet potatoes

[whence-the-woody]

Finale commentary under the cut

So I wanted to kind of liveblog as I was watching but held back so these are my remembered reactions/second watch reactions

Bummed there was no song recap but quickly figured itd play at the end

PUPPY. Best part of the ep, lbr, Dean was so cute with him

Theyre really doing a cheesey life montage huh - still not clear whether monsters are a thing in this new world?

I was watching the mins tick by during this first montage like OKAY we get it, cheesey happy home life, move along. There was only 40 mins left of the whole show like get on with it, it went way too long 

We definately needed to restablished that Sam is neat while Dean is messy. Totally necessary to spend time on that. Also didnt Dean get houseproud when they moved into the bunker?? What happened to that?

OMG get on with it

Then becomes apparent that hunting is still a thing. Which if so what was the point of showing then doing fucking laundry and dishes while “Ordinary life” plays - if its not just an ordinary life?

At this point i thought it might go the route of them being listless without hunting as a job but then murder scene so I guess not

This whole pie sequence is stupid and a waste of time, we all know it

Dean being a cold, heartless bitch about everyone being dead. Aces. Not unexpected but still just great. How dare you be so happy about pie fuck you dude. 

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER EILEEN

Pie is the face is not funny my dudes come the fuck on

I started skipping through during the murder scene. I was bored. Like, I dont care about tension building to the murder of a family we dont fucking know. Ive always skipped these scenes, what is the damn point. Its not scary or interesting. 

GET ON WITH IT

Same old FBI bullshit. Nice to see the journal again I guess. But like, this is STILL what we’re doing? In the very last ep? Same old, different day, just like 15 years ago. Really?

Singer and Kripke. Subtle. 

I skipped through the interrogation too. I dont find the scary brother act cool or entertaining 

15 mins in and nothing has happened

Theyre trying so hard to give Dean jokes and nothing is landing, its so cringe just stop

The way the little clown faces pop up - if that supposed to be scary? Really? Its all just so silly rn

Watching it again I realise just how easy this hunt is. The answer is in the journal. They find the exact family. They find the exact barn. The kids are just stood in a cupboard. This is what takes Dean out, really? Its not even a normal hunt, its a way too fucking easy one. 

I do not remember this chick or what ep she was in, maybe theres some parallell or foreshadowing by bringing her back but if there is I dont get it

Bottom line if youre gonna bring people back WHY THE FUCK THIS RANDOM GIRL

I knew so fast he was gonna go out like that. Hanging from a fucking nail

I kept saying out loud not like this, no way, this is so stupid, its so stupid omg

I paused and tried to talk myself into putting aside how stupid and awkward it was for him to be doing this scene hanging off a pole and just try to invest in the emotion of the speech. Which I achieved at times

but why was is so awkward tho?? Just the way hes stood pressed against it is fucking weird. Also 1000% Sam couldve gotten help and he wouldve been FINE. It took so long for them to talk, an ambulance couldve been there before they were done, there was no need for this

Okay the speech did make me cry once I pep talked myself into being invested. The reference to being scared Sam would reject him, the I love you so much, Sam saying dont leave me, the stay with me and tell me its okay - all those moments got me and I did cry. I appreciated the family business line. I liked Jensen telling Jared he always keeps fighting, that was a nice reference. 

BUT there were also those moments that made me scoff, roll my eyes or laugh. The whole “always you and me” bullshit especially. The second I knew he was going to say I’ll be in your heart I yelled at them to no do it, I hate that cheesey move, then literally was like “oh my god, he did it”. It WAS NOT always going to end like this - so much of the last 15 years was proving him wrong about that. This is all just so wrong, it is not good. 

Jensen and Jared did a good job with what they were given in this scene but my god

The audacity of the Cas erasure- always you and me. FUCK YOU. 

I laughed out loud when his last shot was a One Perfect Tear. I was literally like “Oh wow they did that”

DEAN DESERVED A BETTER DEATH

It also kinda loses all impact when you see him like 2 mins later

MIRACLE IS THE REAL MVP ILY

Theyre really doing another montage. Really. Like we get it, hes sad, we didnt need the toast to understand that

Omg Miracle by his side. The best of bois. 

Looking around his room like beer and guns was all dean was. Sure. Aces. 

I choose to believe Bon Jovi was a ref to before Dean went to hell

If Donna is back why isnt anyone else?!?

Oh Jared you look so old bby. Go home. He looks older there then later in the ridiculous make up

Why is that shot made to look like hes leaving the bunker forever?? Like that makes no sense

Bobby greeting him is nice and all BUT IT SHOULDVE BEEN CAS

Also they are 1000% doing the show don’t tell by having Bobby just sit and explain everything. SO FUCKING LAZY

Cas has been out of the empty, helping rebuild heaven. Okay, fine. Even Dean’s reaction to hearing that was fine. BUT YOU ASK WHERE YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND IS AND GO SEE HIM. WHO IS THIS VERSION OF DEAN WTF

I know people are upset Cas is back working in heaven but I dont think its anything like before. It sounds like he helped fixed things then got his own heaven. Also he’s God’s Dad, hes not serving God, hes teaching him. I know human Cas done right is what we wanted but I dont hate this for him. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN IT. 

Why is a memory of being a kid with his Dad what Dean is reminiscing on. They have literally reverted him back to s1. There are so many memories dean should be thinking about in fucking heaven

Hes going for a drive

Hes going for a motherfucking drive

In the car he was just in

WHY THE FUCK IS HE ACTING LIKE HE HASNT SEEN BABY IN YEARS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Hes going to drive around doing nothing until Sam gets there are you fucking kidding me. Not going to see any of his family from the last 15 years, just driving. Absolute horseshit. 

This is the moment where you realise that this episode has changed NOTHING. This is the same ending as the last ep except theyre in heaven not on earth

ITS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING

Okay so they skip over how Sam went from going on a hunt to walking with a toddler. OMG how unsubtle that they have literally just labelled the child Dean in big yellow letters. I couldnt help but laugh, how fucking stupid. 

I did get a bit teary when the music started I’ll be honest. But mostly through the whole montage (ANOTHER ONE) I was saying to myself This is so fucking stupid. omg this is dumb, what the fuck is this, so stupid.

They literally did a montage so long they had to play the song twice. Im just done at this point wow. 

The old man make up is so bad I just laughed. The only pictures being of the 4 of them, reinforcing the Winchester only bullshit, great. Not even pics of this new random family Sam’s got. The painfully cliche Dad moments for Sam, again so bad its funny. Omg the hand on the head of this random kid, this is so ridiculous. Old man sam in his bad wig trying so hard to move like hes old and crying in the impala. Wtf is happening, this is SO STUPID 

I thought theyd cast a more attractive son I’ll be honest. So he has the tattoo - are they a hunting family? Because that would go against both s1 Sam they’ve tried to go back to and the s15 Sam they build up to for all those years

I know they were going for an emotional parallel with that “you can go now” but this random man saying it to Sam in that make up, with the music cue lined up right there - its just funny coz its so dumb im sorry

I cant believe they actually played another different version, I’ll never get over that

Theres alot of things I’ll never get over

Is this bridge supposed to mean something? They shouldve picked a setting that meant something

I know theyre trying so hard to make Dean look happy and peaceful to convince us its a good ending but sis no

I laughed out loud when Dean turned around - WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT SAM?

Really, they have nothing to say? No questions, no convo? They just have cheesey smiles and look over the water? This is so wrapped up in a fucking bow trying to force us to feel good my god

The cut almost immediately to them talking to the camera, still in character getup, was so cringe I yelled and turned it off

And they pan out to literally none of the people we want to see . Great, Good. 

LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT 

#supernatural #me #ranty #we achieved nothing with this ep yet I have THOUGHTS #finale

[theoneforgameofthrones]

Daenerys Targareyan: The Path Towards Madness.

Okay let's begin.

Intro: I read book 1. And then, I binge watched seasons 1-6 after season 6 finale. By that time, I knew all the major theories like L+R=J, dark!dany, targ!tyrion etc.

So, I was paying extra attention and these are some of the obvious moments where I felt they showed Dany's mad side show. Some points, you may find valid. Some points you may find silly and over-reaching. In any case, this is what *I* felt.

Feel free to have discussions. Appreciate positive critisism. However, just yelling/abusing will not be tolerated.

1. Lack of Empathy

Her obvious lack of empathy when her brother was killed.

I did not expect her to save him. I did not expect her to mourn him. I did not even expect her to cry for him. I did, however, expect a reaction, any sort of reaction, when someone close (despite him being an abusive asshole) dies that suddenly and that violently.

2. Her facial expression during Drogo's speech.

"I will kill the men in iron suits and tear down their stone houses! I will rape their women, take their children as slaves and bring their broken gods back to Vaes Dothrak!"

3. During her Breaker of Chains phase, she conviniently seemed to forget that she used to practice not only slavery, but also pillaging while she was with her khalesar.

Master Illeryoi owned slaves. Her brother owned slaves. She was gifted slaves to teach her how to please the Khal.

Her husband was a war-lord and her khalesar constantly raided and pillaged villages. They killed men. They raped women. Remaining alive women were taken as sex slaves and later sold. That was their way of life. She saved Mirri Maz Duur and several other women from the fate of gang rape and murder but they were still dragged along side the khalasar as slaves. In books, the reason MMD was not sold was so that she can assist Dany during childbirth.

4. The burning of Mirri Maz Duur (MMD)

This is going to make sense to a lot of people. But confuse the fuck out of many. But let's see.

In colonized countries, we have a term called "Savior's Complex". It is where a colonizer raids a country, steal its riches, impose extreme taxing, destory most of its heritage and then expect praise for bringing something (could be education, technology, architecture).

Dany takes the complex another step above. She not only expects gratitude from an enslaved MMD while dragging her along with her khalesar with sole purpose of assistance with childbirth, she also expects her to save the life of her husband. The war-lord whose khalesar raided her home, pillaged her village, killed her countrymen, raped/killed her countrywomen, dragged remaining alive women along with the khalesar to be sold later. Despite all this, Dany expects gratitude from MMD for her life. This flawed logic however is thrown back in her face.

"So, tell me again exactly what it was that you saved?"

"Your life."

"Why don't you take a look at your Khal? Then you will see exactly what life is worth, when all the rest has gone."

This is an old age tale of revenge. Khal raided her village. She took revenge on them for destroying her temple. Dany burned her for it.

What completely bamboozled me in this fandom was how much people hated MMD for what she did while completely making Dany the victim in this scenario while forgetting that MMD was the orginal victim who was not only an enslaved prisoner of war, but also gang-raped victim of her khalesar's doing.

5. Ser Barriston's words.

Ser Barriston in Mereen, tells her to treat injustice with mercy. She replies that she will treat injustice with justice.

Another quote by Ser Barriston: "He gave people the people the justice he thought they deserved."

Justice and what people in power percieve as justice is often very different.

6. Daenerys' justice for the crucified slave children

She did that by choosing 163 random Great Masters and crucifying them to avenge the 163 slave children. This seems like justice. But is it, really? They never recieved trial. They were never proven guilty. Like Hizdahr Loraq said, some of the masters were not in favor of crucifying children and tried very hard to stop it. Who knows how many other good masters she crucified?

This is a direct parallel to Ser Barriston's words about Mad King Aerys: "He gave people the people the justice he thought they deserved."

7. She stopped slavery only when it benefitted her.

Some of you, while reading point 6, may have thought, "They were SLAVERS! So what?!".

Well, while choosing 163 masters, Dany decided that all Masters are her enemies. She decided that all of them deserved punishment. She decided that they were guilty just for engaging in slavery while conviniently forgetting that if that were the case, she should be the one in the first cross.

8. She burnt Great Masters without even investigating who were behind the Sons of Harpy's attack.

After Ser Barriston's death, we again get to see more of her twisted sense of justice. By her own words, "Who is innocent? Maybe all of you are, maybe none of you are. Maybe, I should let the dragons decide."

It is not supposed to be called justice if you punish (and a cruel punishment, at that) without even caring whether they are innocent or not.

9. "You are a conquerer. Not a ruler."

Time and time again Dany proves this to be true. She conquered Yunkai and left immeidetely. The slavers took back the city in no time. She closed off the fighting pits and refused to open them despite being told that participants will be free men who enter willingly. This is where ruling comes in. Any place she conquered and freed, she failed to put something else to keep up the economy. She collapsed the economy so bad that slaves were selling themselves again.

10. Wrongful imprisonment.

Dany finds that Drogon has harmed children. The correct response is to either train or punish the dragons. She, however, imprisons the two dragons who werent at fault while Drogon ran free. Does that mean she is not responsible for whatever terror or death Drogon caused to wherever he flew off to? What exactly does imprisoning Rhaegar and Viseryion get her?

What kind of justice is it where the accused is free while the innocent get prisoned for association. Again, feeds into the twisted justice train.

11. Twisted Justice. Hipocrisy. Again.

While many men were fed to dragons, Hizdahr Loraq was imporisoned. He begged for mercy in terror.She also decides that she will show her respect for Meereen by marrying a member of one of its great families. For a woman who was forced into marriage and "sold like a broodmare", she sure didn't feel any moral dilemma in making a terrifed man betroth her. His death though, proved that he was not at all involved with Sons of Harpy and he was imprisoned for nothing.

12. Burning POW's

Burning Tarly's (father and son) was a direct paralell to her father burning Ned's father and brother alive. You cannot hide behind "It was a war. She gave them a choice." No matter what defenses one can attempt to give her, killing (forget burning) POW is a war crime. So is forcing prisoners against their own side of war.

13. Defending cruelty in path of justice

She killed Tarly's and defended that decision, by saying that was necessary.

When Hizdahr asks her how many men will have died to achieve her goal, she says "They would have died for a greater cause." She is talking about destroying cities and sure, that must be for a greater purpose.

When Tyrion reminds her that about what her father planned to do when she said she wnated to burn Mereen to the ground.. her response was "This is different,". How, exactly?

"The easiest way to defend cruelty is to say that it is part of the destiny."

14. The insinct to burn down cities.

By s8e01, she has wanted to burn down cities thrice. Meereen - once. King's Landing - twice. Both times, she had to be talked out of it by her advisors. The fact that her first instinct when her plans were failing was to burn down cities. Direct parallel to Aerys wanting to destroy king's landing because he thought there were traitors everywhere. The fact is that a person can surrond themselves with good counsel. But it is not necessary that the counsel is always heeded. Which is what happened to Aerys. He was going incresingly mad for months and his counsel members hid the fact from the outside world because they thought they could control the madness. We all know what happened in the end.

Since s7, Dany has been becoming increasingly paranoid about Tyrion's loyalty and increasingly more frustrated with every loss. How long before she decides not to listen to them anymore?

15. The entire collonialist/white savior imagary presented in Essos.

It is amazing how most of the fandom either ignores it or is just unaware of it.

Though this point doesnt parallel anything to the show, i just found it extremely cringy. I am sure members of most colonized countries would. I cant even beging to describe how cringy that mysha scene was.

16. The typical white priviledge mentality.

She wants to inherit her ancestor's throne and power. But she doesnt want to repent for her ansestor's sins and betrayal.

17. Wrong sense of entitlement

She truly believes that she is entitled to the North's fealty. She asks Jon Snow not to judge her based on her ancestors and in the same breath asks him to hold up the vows of his ancestors.

But, whatever vow the Starks made to the Targareans was broken the moment Aerys decided to burn the Starks. The fealty was made on promise of protection. Technically, any member of the houses that Aerys burnt, is no longer accountable to the vow.

Still, she expects everyone to uphold their fealty but refusing to accpet that her father broke that fealty when he decided to burn the vassels (whom he promised to protect) alive.

18. Savior Complex

Some parts of Dany reminds me of how missionaries work.

"Will your God punish me for not praying to him if I did not know about him?"

"No."

"Then why did you tell me about him?"

I believe one thing about Daenerys Targareyan. That she truly wants to help people. That she truly wants to save people. But her problem is, she wants to be the one to save people. She doesnt seem to understand that some people dont require saving.

She talks about freeing the world of tyrants and in the same breath refuses to give North the independence that they demand in solidarity. How is that not the definition of tyranny?

This is Westeros. I am not expecting a democracy and free elections. If she wants to be a conquerer, then she can be one. If she wants to bring to bring together the 7k, she can. What she cannot do is talk about destiny, talk about a wheel, talk about breaking the wheel, and and then do the exact same thing her ansestors did years go by spinning the wheel so that she is on top.

19. She was smiling when she saw that her dragons terrified people of Winterfell.

20. "They eat whatever they want"

Is that really the correct way to respond to people are already scared/cowering over the arrival of dragons? To people who have never seen such beasts before? Did she forget that few seasons ago "whatever they want" that Drogon ate were children?

21. Jaime's trial

She made Jaime stand trial and was heavily leaning towards punish him despite the fact that she knew what her father had planned and what Jaime Lannister had done. She openly spoke in favor of the Mad King in front of Northern Lords. When Tyrion intervened, she publically breated him and questioned his loyalty. Further adds to the Mad King's paranoia and unwillingness to listen to counsel.

22. Jaime Lannister

Not only has he tried to kill her, he has also questioned her intentions twice. The only living person who knows about Mad King more than anyone is perhaps Jaime Lannister. When he questions Tyrion, "Is she really different? Are you sure?" in a sceptical tone. If he doesnt trust her or thinks she had the Targ madness, then I am willing to bet that she probably does.

23. Her decling human connections

the show seems adament in making her seem alone. Like a stranger in her own home land. In an episode full of emotional reconnections, tenderness, friendships and relationships, she is shown all alone. In later episodes, she is incresingly shown alientated: Theon coming to fight for the starks despite being her bannerman, death of the Jorah, Tyrion's withdrawal.

24. jorah was her mercy.

She had shown jorah mercy despite his betrayal. She cared for him and most importantly, completely trusted and listened to him. When she felt no remorse about berating Tyrion and strongarming Sansa, jorah urges her to forgive tyrion and to try and make amends with LAdy of Winterfell. And, she listened to him. He is the only advisor she fully trusts and listens to without having to worry about wavering loyalties. And jorah's death is going to be the acorn in Ice Age that started the avalanche.

<<2 episodes left. will add more after next one airs.>>

This is not to say that she was an evil character. She was a good person with good intentions and bad execution with a twisted sense of justice and destiny. But, the journey to hell is paved with good intensions. Dany was a character who had the potential to be great. But she was always headed to doom. She is a good person whose downfall will be due to pride, ambition and obsession with destiny. She will chose her fate with a sound mind but a flawed personality. Her story will not be heroic, but tragic. Not because of what she was, but because of how she could have been.

#dany #dark dany #dark dany signs #dark dany foreshadow #mad queen #mad!queen #daenerys #anti dany #pro dany #daenerys stormborn #daenerys targaryen #pro daenerys #jon x daenerys #sansa stark #pro sansa stark #sansa stan #jonsa #list of dark dany #list of dark dany moments #game of thrones #game of thrones s8 #got #jon snow #anti targarean #pro jon snow #jonsa stan #jon x sansa #dark!dany #jon x dany #anti daenerys

[stimmypaw]

stimmypaw reads Thunder & Shadow, another blog post

much like the first time, I am continuing to read A Vision of Shadows for the first time and sharing my thoughts as I go! This post of course has a bunch of spoilers for Thunder and Shadow. It’s all in the read more, have fun!

I'm so glad echosong is okay but what will she do??? Where will she go??? I'm so worried

I don't like it that Briarlight is stuck in the medicine den all day, love to see her playing with kits and showing her strength tho she's so sweet and good she deserves better

Now littlecloud is sick too???? Fuck!!!!

Also seems Needlepaw and Alderpaw haven't managed to get along better yet, maybe Alderpaw can talk to her through Leafpool since she's going to Shadowclan?

Also graystripe is awful as always and I love him 2 bits

I love Rowanstar's character too, he's so stupidly proud. Shadowclan has a fun trend of having a long line of mediocre to awful leaders and I feel bad for Tawnypelt, Shadowclans braincell who should be leader.

Jayfeather is gonna miss his friends

YES, SKYCLAN!!!! SKYCLANNNN

Twigkit lifting her front paws im 💖💖💖💖 AAAAA BABY

Graystripe :] he's silly

Omg feather time

If something bad happens to this feather ill fraud my taxes I will commit many crimes this delivery must happen safely and if anyone takes it from violetkit I will Kill

Omg sleekpaw don't be so mean poor littlecloud :c medicine cats are important!!

I see alderpaw leaving his feather behind alderpaw get it to violetkit Now

Oh God imagine being puddlekit, shadowclan needs to get its shit together real fast

Leafpool is just that picture (i do not see) while trying to process the mess they got her in

OKAY SO I'm glad he's getting along with needlepaw and that he can finally give violetkit her feather but LITTLECLOUD GUYS??? LITTLECLOUD?????????

My heart melted with violetkit, this was so sweet, why are the queens so mean to her??? She's just an autistic icon bro!! Like every cat I like in these books.

Alderpaw: hey I have an idea, why don't we commit crimes?

Needlepaw: FINALLY I THOUGHT YOUD NEVER ASK

VIOLETKIT POINT OF VIEW FINALLY???? FUCK YES YESSSS YES YES SHADOWCLAN TIME IM SO HAPPY THIS IS SO COOL

Last time this happened the character immediately died tho

Hm

I am suffering for violetkit

i wish violetkit would spend more time with leafpool im sure she’d be caring maybe?? maybe im just desperate for violetkit to be loved

no one here knows how to treat a kit

OH YES YESSS

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS SSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHEYRE TOGETHER AGAIN

im so sad

im 

broooooo

aaaaa i hope needlepaw treats violetkit better from now on, this is hearbreaking.

Fuck I knew it, the rogues are coming for them aren’t they? And where’s Skyclan now????? fuck fuck fuck

ok I have no clue who Fernsong is but he’s funny already why is he like this what is happening why is he blocking them from looking at Honeykit while talking about how worried he is about her?? Absolutely misterious I love him

  Jayfeather 🤝 Yellowfang

 “I don’t want kits around me”

oh the girls are fighting

oh the girls ARE fighting

furzepelt had a cool name im sorry to hear he only existed to die immediately :c

onestar also is very proud, im glad he accepted help this time tho

SPARKPAW MED CAT MOMENT HAHAH

i forgot bumblestripe was a cat and i was wondering if it was just a typo for bramble

also what’s up with dove and tiger??? i forgot everything about their relationship in the previous books because i don’t care about it and the erins tend to write some pretty boring straight couples

the way they’re described makes me feel like needlepaw and sleekpaw are just differently colored versions of each other at times, are they related?? they don’t seem to be.

and here’s the bit that’s previewed, oh boy, it must have been seriously scary being violetkit, but i hope they don’t convince her the clans hate her :c thunderclan likes her shadowclan just sucks

What do these background cats want from Twigkit???? To shoot lasers out of her eyes?? I guess she isn’t magical or anything but also she’s just a kit??? Firepaw was also just a kittypet and he’s a big deal :/// y’all just don’t get it, I hope Twigkit doesn’t get Dovepaw’s protagonist anxiety

I know Twigkit is being scolded but this scene is just so cute like Jayfeather is just tucking her in a moss bed while being mad at her for leaving camp

Thats another one I need to draw i love them

SPARKPELT YESSSSS YESS SYE SYES YES 🎊🎉🎉🎉🎊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈💖💖💖💖💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💕

Mothwing ableist????? That's cringe

Omg poor kestrelflight

Jayfeather misses Leafpool so bad, Puddlepaw must feel awful though

OLD AGE? H HOW OLD IS LEAFPOOL THEN???

?????? OH GOD IM LOVING THIS???

This apprentice rebellion is Nuts its so good oh fuck!!! I'm loving whats happening here its awful and perfect

Violetkit is getting bitter :c she needs 2 be embraced and loved stat

She is also clearly getting some bad dependency and abandonment issues, desperate to do anything to please so she won't be left alone again :c

FUCK NO NO NO AAAA NEEDLEPAW WHAT WWERE YOU THUNKING??????? JESUS POOR VIOLETKIT

Kitnapping, this is bad

Oh, very interesting

These apprentices and rogues are so smart god this is a perfect plan

Twigkit absolutely is the sunshine

I love her interactions with Alderpaw, I wish she had gotten to see her sister

In comparison Violetkit looking around camp desperate for attention is awful

Oh fuck bribing

NEEDLEPAW DONT BE MEAN TO VIOLETKIT :C

Oh fuck ou fuck the 4chan kids are angry

??? BRO WHAT??? DONT KICK OUT VIOLETKIT, THATS WHY YOUR APPRENTICES TURNED INTO ANCAPS DAMN

I'm angy

Oh no

Something bad happened :c

Bramblestar: good day!

Rowanstar: Oh Is it??? You could say that while starving in winter, cringe ass

Mistystar: its not winter tho

Onestar: well you're fat

God rowanstar must be obliterated

Hey where's the rowanstars maps use idk loon on a lake or something this man has angst!!!

I appreciate Ivypool is her mentor, at least Someone is honest about whats going on and hey they can both relate on the fear of not being special! Ivypool can be very good to Twigpaw im counting on her

Oh fuck

Violetpaw sounds like she's in trouble with the rogues :c aa

AAAA TWIGPAWWWW AAAA

Violetpaw don't be mean about your sister :C she misses you so bad

Sleekwhisker is like that dad that let his kid starve until she learned to open a bean can she didn't want

Holy fuck

Aaaa violetpaw D:

Jesus christ that was awful

That was so intense I was so nervous for Violetpaw, I'm really happy for her now aaaa

Another gathering already? Wowie

I hope Shadowclan gets those herbs soon :c

I see he appeal in FernIvy and I appreciate it

Violetpaw and Twigpaw sharing a den my heart......this is IT

Jayfeather: I want to steal

I'm listening to Burn Pygmalion! and "viscious kin" is very fitting for this series ehhehe

I love violetpaw and twigpaw btw

IM CRYING

I cant believe Alderpaw is an all lives matter kinda guy

Yesss rebel get those herbs alreadyyy

Starclan has agreed to let kestrelflight kill onestar, goodbye onestar /j

Epic I love you harespring

Alderpaw being confused at Jayfeather saying he is proud is the Best

What an ending! Terrifying and hopeful at the same time, I am very excited to see the hijinks Bramblestar and Rowanstar will get into and how they will go searching for Skyclan, it was PAINFUL to have that prologue talking about them with 0 hope of them showing up again Nothing Nada Zilch, feels like that and the ending were just 2 remind us that that was still the major plot point hahaha, I appreciate it I guess. I'm glad Violetpaw and Twigpaw are on uh good terms despite it all, not very ideal and they're both upset but they still consider each other siblings and know they care about each other :'0 Alderheart getting his name is epic too!!! I was hoping he would soon. I loved everything about his interactions with Jayfeather here, loved all the characterizations really it was just top notch, Onestar being a bastard, Needletail, OH AND SHADOWCLAN JOINING THE ROGUES, top notch!!!! The ancap apprentices were a riot.

This was a good book!!! Flowed very nicely and smoothly, reading in shadowclan's point of view for more than around 3 chapters was great. I can barely wait for the rest!!! Will Violetpaw find belonging in this new era of Shadowclan??? Or will she leave again??? Will Alderheart somehow figure out where Skyclan is and get them together at the lake??? Will Twigpaw get all the spicy details of Dovewing's secret romance with Tigerheart??? Who knows!! But I am very excited to find out what happens next :D

#wc #warrior cats #wc avos #avos #wc a vision of shadows #a vision of shadows #warrior cats avos #warrior cats a vision of shadows #thunder and shadow #vision of shadows thunder and shadow #avos thunder and shadow #needletail #onestar #jayfeather #dovewing #my nyas

[riskeith]

HIIII hope you have been well my dearest last airbender hehe. i have so much exciting things to share <333

so first off, i did two wish rolls the other night and guess what? on one roll i got BOTH bennett AND qiqi!!!!!! (the other one was just weapons but 🤷🏽‍♀️) i love them both so much i literally ascended them the second i got them. i still can’t believe my luck. so now my team looks like: traveller, noelle and those two. i’m having a little issue bc i don’t have a long range combat character but i love them all too much to change anything. which means i struggle sometimes maybe if i roll for someone else in the future i might change but rn i’m LOVING them. have you ever had luck like that?

AND i started watching haikyuu again and i forgot how funny it is. i usually don’t laugh out loud while watching things but i was literally chuckling while watching some moments. i’ve only watched 10 eps-ish but i fell in love with it again at the first ep already. i cant believe i dropped it before i’m so stupid.

ok that’s all the updates i had hahaha ! i was like buzzing waiting to tell you lmaidhdhdbd 🥺

oikawa is SO pretty it’s insane. when he showed up i was like yeah.... that’s him. that’s the pretty boy. but then again pretty much everyone is pretty in haikyuu who the hell are we supposed to focus on hehdhd the art style is just that good yk?

ships that have silent (+ points for angry) yearning are just superior. and usually they fall in the enemies/rivals category which is lovely. nothing is finer than watching people struggle with their feelings like mmmmmm... tasty. also as good as rareships can be, popular ships are popular for a reason yk? like canon content isn’t everything ofc but if canon can back it up in some way more people tend to be interested heh

wanna know something super weird? when i consume content i always fall for the stotic bois with angst backstories first but after i finish the shows i always miss the cute happy babies and that makes me obsessed with them? idk it’s crazy like voltron for example keith is literally my favorite character of all time but when i finished voltron i was literally bawling bc i missed lance so much help

well i guess we’re talking about voltron now HAHA 😭 dude s3 was a fucking blessing i can’t believe we got that and they just cut it off cold. the leader and his right hand man dynamic makes me yell to this day 😭😭😭 remember all the scenes where they continuesly reassured each other 😭 the ‘leave the math to pudge’ scene lives in my head rent free no joke dhdnhdbdud... s3 was just them loving each other tenderly and dw stole it from us.. ALSO PLEASE WRITE THEM AGAIN LITERALLY BEGGING 😭 pls 🥺

dude our government doesn’t give a shit we literally have politics traveling around and chilling without masks. they don’t care at all we barely have any restrictions so people don’t care either. it’s a mess here ngl.. :/

can’t wait to hear from u again... mwah!

hi hi!!!! is this gonna end up being 2 replies in one day for you again HAHAHA i’ll try not to disappear after

!!!!!!!!!! QIQI AND BENNETT??!!?!!!!!!!! oh my goodness… oh my goodness!!! i can’t believe you got a 5 star before me fjskskkdd but big deserve 😭😭😭😩😩😩 i’m so happy for you nejdnskamxlxmm holy shit!!!!! that’s so cute tho that’s such a cute team… and big mood!! who cares about team dynamics/fighting styles all that matters is that you like them 😩 but also does that mean you currently have 3 sword users and 1 claymore on your team jdjsndnsm. i also used to not have a ranged fighter on my team but it just got so inconvenient lolol. and no my luck is actual ass :( so often i only roll weapons, and when i do roll charas it’s like. all the base free ones djdkskdk

haikyuu is SO funny!!! everyone’s humour is so >>>> omg they’re just silly boys… are you restarting it from the very first ep? and it’s all good if you dropped it before bc you’re coming back to it now and that’s what matters 😩 keep me updated tho! i’m so excited to hear what you think

HFJDNSKSN sorry i went mia and made you wait chksjs WHICH REMINDS ME!! omg i’ve been meaning to tell you and keep forgetting but i downloaded genshin on my phone last week for my trip and it’s so??? difficult? like mad mad respect to you for being able to play on mobile omg… maybe it’s just bc i was used to pc already but damn.. djsjjs

HAHA yeah just admiring the visuals instead of focusing on the story.. we’ve all been there 😩 sometimes you just gotta rewind and take 48394993 screenshots of the one scene you know? who let them be so gorgeous..

yesssss the mutual oblivious pining is so good.. like they’re enemies to lovers but they’re also IDIOTS to lovers… or my fave headcanon which hurts so bad… the one person (keith) pining for their rival (lance) but it’s unrequited and they’ve just accepted that and are kinda resigned to it but. they just want them to be happy above all else :’) :’(

and honestly you are so right like if the popular ship are foils and have all these parallels between them and a deep backstory and stuff that’s so good too there’s so much food AHAH

omg that’s kinda cute tho.. like once you’re done you enter the honeymoon phase w bubbly outgoing charas.. (speaking of honeymoons when’s ours 🤪) speaking of lance he deserved everything lmao.. he deserves everything PRESENT TENSE!!! wow we are really talking about vld in 2021 huh

LEAVE THE MATH TO PIDGE!!! I AM SCREAMING JUST THIBKING ABLIT THIS TOO!! WHAT THE FUCK DOCYOUCMEAN KEITH. WHY DIDNYOUCSAY IT WITH THAT SMILE. LANCE WHY DIDNYOU SMILE LIKE THAT IN RETURN. LEAVE THE MATH TO- KEITH EXPLAIN??? WHA WERE YOU WDOIDJGNDKDNSKFKDKFNDNNCMS the way that lance went from ‘despising’ keith and hating being beaten by him in everything to SEEKING OUT HIS ADVICE AND COMFORT???? IF THAT ISNT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS like their relationship progressed so so so so so so so so SO much in that one single season… like. i cannot BELIEVE that was real???? no fucking way. like. we were literally so close.. SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!!!!!! my god the trust they had in each other..… LANCE SEEKING KEITH OUT!!! lance accepting keith as the leader before even keith accepted himself EVEN WHEN LANCE HIMSELF SO DESPARATELY WANTED TO BE THE BLACK PALADIN bUT RECOGNISING IT WASNT WHAT THE BLACK LION WANTED AND i have to stop or else i’ll literally never stop typing chskdkdkndcuksncjxjskcoskosnaksj

hhhhhhh i wanna write them sometimes i get hit with the feels SO SO BAD (like just then? LOL) but i haven’t properly written them in so long i feel like i don’t even know how to anymore D; but anyway do you have any prompts? i have so many wips (i have one fic that i said was gonna be my Final klance fic but lmao i’m never gonna finish it at this stage so i guess i’m also not done writing klance? lmao) but after a while i just. have no desire to go back to them anymore fjdjjx so something new might spark my motivation! but also no promises sorry i always say i’ll do shit but never do JEKSKS altho i will try!! i’ll try bust out at least a drabble even if it ends up as an unfinished wip as well lol 😩

oh fucking rip that’s so horrible i’m so sorry you have to deal with that :((( legit it’s so upsetting to see so many governments just. complacent and not caring about this issue at all like?? this is your job? you’re literally meant to be doing all these things to help us right now and you’re just not. which i guess unfortunately also makes sense bc they’re the ones who would suffer least. it’s so frustrating lmaoooo >:(

:***** i’ve stayed up again bc i am Not intelligent fjskdk but i’m looking forward to your response!! goodnight and sweet dreamssss (for when you next sleep LOL) 💗😘

#cluna cries at 2am over s3 kl potential 😔 #marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

[mortuarybees]

do u have any more good omens fic recs?

oh boy do i. some of them are fics that i have included in my fic rec tag so if you’ve been in that bear with me there will also be others. basically my preferred and only accepted genre of anything is “unbearably tender” and “aziraphale is extremely neurotic and crowley loves him anyway” it’s therapeutic

at some point im going to update the original reference post with like. all the amazing content ive come across since making it but until then:

one may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel by lumosity aka @femmeaziraphale aka my very best friend

they have started another fic intended to destroy my life in which hell wins the next round and divines a special torment for crowley pls read it and encourage them to finish it because they don’t believe me when i tell them it’s amazing and i am  d e s p e r a t e  for more.

 “You know, you’re very familiar,” Aziraphale said, breath stinking of the sweet wine.

 “Oh? I guess I look like many goat herders,” Crowley allowed. Aziraphale snorted, nudging Crowley’s shoulder clumsily.

 “No! I mean that you just seem like someone I’ve known before,” Aziraphale said. Crowley felt that familiar ache in his chest. Suddenly he wished he was sober.

 “I have a common face,” Crowley dodged.

 “Say whatever you like, but I feel like we fit together quite nicely,” Aziraphale said, resting his head against the bark of the tree. Crowley took the opportunity to watch Aziraphale while he had his eyes closed. There were the same old blonde eyelashes against his cheeks, the one little drop of sunlight that formed a mole at the corner of his eye. Crowley wished to kiss his cheek only once. An apology for not losing. For not giving Aziraphale an eternity of listening to celestial harmonies.

wings and how to hide them by triedunture

Crowley's been annoyingly in love for six thousand years. What's another lifetime between friends? // if you follow me you’ve probably seen me post or quote certain excerpts a million times you may recognize it as His Body Is A Place And It’s Filled With Love.

He swallowed. So bloody awkward, staring up at Aziraphale like this, having his face held. Was he supposed to maintain eye contact? It seemed impossible. His gaze darted away.

"Keep your eyes fixed on me," Aziraphale admonished, giving his cheek a little pat. "Try to imagine, I don't know...slipping into my body the way you'd slip into a new coat." His smile was weak.

Crowley made a face. "Sounds grotesque."

"It isn't! Come now." His voice and eyes softened. "Please. Try."

Deep breath in. He would try. For Aziraphale's sake. "All right." He opened his eyes, held Aziraphale's plaintive stare, and pictured how it would feel. To be a part of Aziraphale. To be held inside him, to surround him at the same time.

To be loved.

hand in unlovable hand by courfeyrock (les mis solidarity)

“Goodnight, my dear,” he says, and Crowley swears, Aziraphale could call him my dear for six thousand more years and he still wouldn’t be able to get used to it. // it’s tender it’s bed sharing it’s “i love you in the human way” it’s quoting that unspeakable broadchurch scene its title is from no children by tmg; in short, it’s specifically designed to torment me.

Crowley’s head snaps around as if on a swivel. “Shall we… what?”

“Go to sleep? Normally I would love to stay up and have a drink or a chat but you see I really am exhausted and I--”

“Yes, yes, of course.”  Idiot,  Crowley thinks.  I am such an idiot.  "I'll uh, I'll sleep underneath the covers, and you can sleep on top." He waves his hand in a forcefully casual gesture that he hopes conveys just how normal it is for two platonic friends to be having this conversation.

everything just stops by witching

they are drunk and crowley wants to take a bath so he miracles one and they have. the most unbearable conversation ever fucking put to fiction literally returning to it to select one single quote was nearly impossible for me emotionally. god the tenderness the yearning!!!! “i like your silly aziraphale things”!!!!!!!!!! “i love you deep, angel”!!!!!! i hate it! just read it please i cant actually keep describing it or i’ll have to lay down for a little while.

 “Are you –” the angel’s voice was hoarse, and he paused to clear his throat, “are you playing some sort of game right now?”[....]

“I am not,” Crowley whispered fervently, his face frighteningly close to Aziraphale’s. “Six thousand yearsss, angel. You’re a part of me, and I jussst – just wanted you to know, is all.”

 Without warning, Aziraphale reached with both hands to pull Crowley in closer, forcing him to drop his own hand from the angel’s face. Aziraphale held him gently, pressing a single chaste kiss to the demon’s forehead, his lips lingering as his thumbs slid tenderly along his cheekbones, his fingers wrapped up in dark, dripping hair.

 When Crowley responded not by recoiling, as Aziraphale had expected, but by melting against his skin and sighing contentedly, the angel placed another kiss on one cheek, then the other. He moved to kiss Crowley’s eyelids, his jawline, his chin, the corners of his mouth, all the time cradling Crowley’s head in his hands, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Crowley to rebuff his affection.

Crowley, ever one to defy expectations, continued to allow the angel to kiss his face to his heart’s content. It was only when he heard Crowley sniff and let out a pitiful whimper that he pulled back, looking at the demon with concern.

hard feelings/loveless by witching

Aziraphale said it was like the opposite of the feeling you’re having when you say things like “this feels spooky.” Crowley didn’t know what to make of that, but he expected it was something like the opposite of the feeling you get when the only person who truly knows you makes a cryptic remark suggesting that you can’t understand love. Crowley understood love all too well. // crowley. crowley can’t sense love bc he is so goddamn full of love that he can’t see past it he’s just so full of it that he can’t separate it from just how he always is  c r o w l e y. also angelic/demonic mindmelding.

“What about - I mean, if that’s… love,” he struggled to get the word out, “then what’s this other feeling? The one that I’ve been calling love for all this time?”

 “I don’t know,” Aziraphale said. “I can’t possibly imagine.” He didn't have to voice his surprise at the fact that Crowley had an emotion he called love. It wasn't that he had truly thought Crowley was incapable of such an emotion; he was deeply aware of the power and range of the demon's feelings. He simply hadn't thought that Crowley was in tune with his own mind enough to understand it in those terms.

 “Can I show you?” Crowley blurted without thinking.

come as you are by punkfaery (explicit; trigger warning for body dysmorphia and disordered eating)

Aziraphale visits a modern art gallery, goes on a diet, and submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Not necessarily in that order. // this mugged me in an alleyway and ruined me emotionally for a whole night but like whatever. it starts with a mary oliver quote so idk what i expected

He dragged a kitchen chair out and sat in it, looking like he wanted to set fire to things with the power of his mind. He was probably angry enough to try it, too. Aziraphale moved a nearby copy of The Earth Compels out of the way, just in case. “It wasn’t really because of him,” he said. “It just made me realise, that’s all.”

“Realise what?”

Aziraphale swallowed. “That I’m not… quite as I should be. That you deserve better.” He lowered his head, feeling wretched. “That’s all. I’m sorry I didn’t say something from the start, but it seemed like a difficult sort of thing to bring up.”

Crowley’s face was indescribable.

“You thought I’d stop liking you because you’re not thin,” he said. His voice was utterly toneless. A muscle ticked in his jaw.

“Well, naturally when you say it like that it sounds – ”

“Seriously? After six thousand years of, of whatever you want to call this? After we literally saved the fucking world together?”

salinity (and other measurements of brackish water) by drawlight

It's an odd thing, getting on after the End of the World. Crowley takes to sea-watching. // michael sheen has read and recommended it. god. it starts with a quote from eros the bittersweet. it took me a full half hour to read past the first paragraph or so it’s so Much.

"I want to see you cook." (Something made from his hands. Something purely Crowley. Nothing pulled from the ether. Nothing sourced and given, no. Something made from his hands.)

He looks at his hands. Holds them up, splays them against the shale backdrop of his ceiling. His hands are always the same, day to day. They are clean but stained. His long and dawdling fingers, his bit of knuckles, his veins and tendons beginning to show a little more. Yes, more, he doesn't know the age of his body but he keeps it somewhere here, at indeterminate forty. There is a hangnail on the ring finger, there are stains of belladonna on the sides, on the rough spots.

Belladonna, that green plant sick with chlorophyll, sick with poison. Crowley is a gardener and he grows belladonna in his bedroom. He knows poisons the way Aziraphale knows the Dewey Decimal System. Yes, he knows them intimately, bent over his long counter, pulling the leaves apart, peeling the stems. Crushing the seeds. He knows not to lick his fingers after, that the leaves and berries are toxic to a grown man, that maybe even Livia had used it once, dripped into Augustus' wine. Not, really, that poisons would  matter  . It’s one of those little perks of the demon gig, that whole  immortality thing. What can get at him; what can cut it short? Only holy water and other blessed things. (Aziraphale is an angel, made out of blessed things. Crowley does not know how it might be to kiss him, mouth to wet mouth. If holy water might burn him, what can he expect from the freshwater mouth of an angel?)

birds of a feather by idiopathicsmile

Aziraphale nests. Crowley relearns some crucial facts about angelic courtship rituals. // look....im weak for home decorating as proxy or metaphor for domesticity and familiarity and this trope is literally this. i die

“Demons definitely don’t court,” says Crowley. “They fuck sometimes, but it’s—I don’t know if you’ve ever seen anything about the mating practices of insects but it’s more—like that. There’s no guarantee all parties will come out in one piece. Never seemed worth it, frankly. I like my pieces where they are.”

Aziraphale takes this all in with a series of slow, horrified nods.

“Wait,” says Crowley, “what do angels do?” He’s never pictured angels engaging with each other at all, outside of maybe mandatory team-building exercises.

“They nest,” says Aziraphale.

Crowley waits for this to all make sense. “What, instead of fucking?”

“No,” says Aziraphale primly. “Not  instead. It’s—it’s part of the courtship ritual. You have to be able to build a decent nest if you want to be seen as a viable mate—”

“Like birds,” Crowley repeats, disbelieving.

“Not like birds, birds got it from us,” shrills Aziraphale.

men have gone to heaven for smaller things than that by mercuryhatter

Aziraphale finds an age slipping away from him. // aziraphale and crowley attend robbie ross’ funeral, and aziraphale mourns the loss of the old circle. also there’s some brief dunking on bosie. i adore this fic with my whole heart

“Listen.” Aziraphale took Crowley’s elbow and dragged him out of earshot of the funeral, releasing him under a nearby tree. “It’s not that I’m not glad you’re back. Remember that, because I’m about to be very short with you, but it’s not that.” He raised an eyebrow questioningly and Crowley nodded.

“That being said.” Aziraphale took a deep breath. His voice was shaking slightly and he tried to press it back to steadiness inside his throat. “You will not get near one more human under my charge this decade, are we clear?”

“Angel–” Crowley started, surprised, but Aziraphale cut him off. Fury was bubbling up inside of him, bright and brittle and with a deeply-buried thread of exhaustion that he couldn’t afford to think too long about.

“No.”

where you stay i will stay by mercuryhatter

at the hundred guineas club, men went under women’s names. aziraphale went by naomi and he paid! to keep ruth free! for crowley!!!! while crowley slept! it stopped my tender heart

“Let’s see. We all know Victoria, of course. Betsey, Henrietta, Georgiana, Chastity, that’s rich, and Temperance too, particular friends of each other, I imagine? A few Elizabeths, not particularly creative… oh.” Crowley nudged Aziraphale until he peeked up from his place hidden in Crowley’s sweater. “Aziraphale.”

“No, dear, I didn’t put that one down.” Crowley huffed in fond exasperation.

“No, honey, you put Naomi.”

“So I did.”

“And… I don’t see a Ruth.”

“No,” Aziraphale sighed. “No, I paid them an extra hundred pounds a year to hold that one for me.”

“For you or for…”

and this isn’t a fic but another essay that means the world to me, making an effort: queer (trans) masculinity in the ethereal & occult beings of good omens by elegantidler and irisbleufic

#henry speaks #good omens #fic rec #ineffable husbands

[sanguinarius-archive]

im not that familiar with treatsforbeats i watched like. a few videos but other than that i know nothing! but i would be glad to hear you info dump!

there is SO MUCH..... im gonna put a read more below because this turned out to be way longer than i expected. but you asked for me to infodump so here goes

okay so. treatsforbeasts, i dont know what the whole meaning behind the channel is. i cant specifically say what the goal of the channel’s content is because its all in my interpretation. but i do know that there are meanings behind each video as silly as it may seem and im just gonna list them off here (note that not all videos will be included since i may not be able to interpret every one, also this is going from earliest to most recent)

1. men with small hands carry very little treats to give to little girls with the sharpest little teethinterpretation of this video is csa/child sex trafficking. “little treats” refers to pills or some form of drug (small, makes u trip). however the “sharpest little teeth” could represent the little girl fighting back.

2. mom ordered ants for my birthdaychild abuse. mother forces son to watch and/or possibly engage in inappropriate activity with her husband.

3. i love jesusobviously a dark parody of christianity/catholicism. shows how blindly some fanatical christians/catholics will follow their beliefs, to the point where they no longer truly “follow” it as theyve warped the message to fit their own morbid desires (using christianity/the bible to excuse hatred and judgment upon others).

4. i me you love godanother dark parody of christianity/catholicism. i believe it mocks how fanatical christians/catholics focus only on the negative aspects of the bible instead of learning the true messages, as many of the words used are from the bible and are negative words.

5. behdsPROBABLY just a silly video but, i think it represents how people let negativity embed itself into their lives and complain about it even though it’s so easy to just let go of it.

6. jaffreymocking some sitcoms for how dumb and repetitive they can be.

7. kiss papa’s mustachepossibly child abuse, again.

8. storytimereferences/implies child abuse. storytime is also the name of one of treatsforbeasts’ songs on his Sanguinarius - Sin Nomine album.

9. hymns for him (1 + 2)just total parody albums of christian rock. vocals make you feel like youre dying but its actually kinda good to listen to in some parts

10. i screaming inside my headRoii (the character)’s first appearance. also probably symbolizes how depressing some kinds of music are

11. felines have nine livesnot sure but i feel like this is a warrior cats reference, in complete and total honesty (dont watch it if you dont like c/at d/eath though, its fictional but. yeah)

12. beastsreflection of society as a whole

then there’s. the two short films and sin nomine. so i’m gonna delve into that now and be warned, it’s fuckin long

treatsforbeasts is the self-titled short film and the first longest video on the treatsforbeasts channel. basically what i get from this is that treatsforbeasts, the channel itself, symbolizes an actual channel that chauncy (the child character in the short film, who is portrayed as a literal oral fleshlight with a body) watches. he consumes these concepts, such as internalizing misogyny (claw-paw skit), toxic masculinity (can i like balloons skit) and being exposed to a normalization of christianity (heaven and hell skit). there’s also a skit in which a spider binge eats and then proceeds to throw it up, which chauncy actually mimicks when his father brings him food.his father very much disapproves of these messages being shown on tv. he tells chauncy in regards to the claw-paw skit, when chauncy belittles the female character, “that’s not very nice, now is it”, and says “you can like ballons, you can love balloons if you want to”. his father goes on long tangents about how many institutions have normalized and inherited the concepts of christianity, and that it is one of the contributing factors of violence in the world. he references colonization, the holocaust, and in general mentions minorities.we learn that the father actually ended up being a father to chauncy in the first place due to (nsfw tw) masturbating in a sock to a picture of robert smith, and 9 months later chauncy was born. so technically there is no mother. the father talks about the meaning of life, and how everyone on the inside is a little bit of a freak, but there’s only two real ways you can accept that: 1) realize that your freakishness gives you a special lense through with you see the world and aid it in the ways the sane and happy ones probably cant, and 2) realize that real way number 1 is just lying to itself and that youre still a somewhat integral part of the lives of those you care for so deeply. he says that choosing which way to live really reverts back to the meaning of life, that you cannot live day by day believing there’s no reason to. “but whatever reason you give yourself to live, [...] you do it, because it is correct to live.”

sin nomine comes after the first short film, but i’ll delve into that after because really it touches on many many of the points and interpretations here.

the second short film, the beast is dead, was released just this year on valentines day! i think the main focus of the short film ranges from relationships to just once again a mockery of christianity/catholicism. once again it starts off with a father and his son. there is no mother figure present though she’s said to have left, due to the father watching too much “birdies”, a show, which i think is a metaphor for porn addiction. the father is implied to being prone to neglecting the son’s wants and not really caring for him, being disappointed in him, etc. etc..something important about the beast is dead is that it uses masks to portray those who are “followers” and those who are not. the father, interestingly enough, does not wear a mask. he seems to acknowledge what his son is saying when he goes on philosophical rants as well, but disregards them as nonsense and ends up leaving after bonking him with the stupid spike (metaphor for how parents will shut their children up by giving them a phone or toy to play with).the three other characters who don’t use masks in the beast is dead are Roii, Tom, and Doctor Zoughth (pronounced Zoth). Roii makes a comeback, finally! but this time he’s singing a song called “i love the sound of screaming babies”. it symbolizes how men will impregnate women and then run off, whether or not because they fantasize about pregnant women. it could also be a want of seeing a hurt child (hence the line “i know that all of you watching must think i’m insane, for loving when something so innocent is in so much pain”).however another interesting factor is that, the characters who don’t have masks, aside from Tom and the father, have red eyes at some point. this is a metaphor for how they’ve lost their humanity. Roii, at some point in the music video scene, only has one red eye whereas his other is normal. this hints at how part of him has lost his humanity while the other is still in tact.the other character that has red eyes is Dr Zoughth, but instead of him having only one red eye, both his eyes are red. this doesnt show until later though when he’s taken Tom away from the masked characters (followers). Dr Zoughth is very much self-aware. he is not blind, but simply has lost his humanity. Tom tries to reach out to him, to get him to think differently, that maybe resorting to coping with emotional struggles by worshipping something simple like flesh or something more higher than himself and forgetting his own mortality isn’t the healthiest way to live. but Dr Zoughth, having been long gone already, does not accept this and executes Tom.his own personal disciples grow tired of his tyranny and kill him and perform a ritual of some kind, disposing of his body (in the river i think, not sure). this entire ending of the film is basically the title, the beast is dead. but, i believe the beast is not dead, personally, because someone like Zoughth will always live on in other people, other beasts.there’s also a scene called grandma hespar and i think it implies how little people focus on sexual abuse towards men (when it’s from women).

anyways, with that being said, it’s time for sin nomine.

so now that i’ve explained pretty much all of treatsforbeasts to you, and whoever else is reading, it’s clear that the person behind this has issues with christianity (or catholicism), and child abuse. the person behind treatsforbeasts is Jordan Diniz, as he is also the person behind sanguinarius.

sin nomine is a very personal reflection of jordan’s life from what i gather. it depicts his struggles with how he views the world around him, whether that be due to personal experiences or not. at first i interpreted most of sin nomine to be the story of someone who is lgbt, but with jordan himself coming to me and telling me he is straight (POLITELY), it’s clear that is not the case.

so it most likely has to do with trauma. either religious or not, or both. it even says in the song storytime (remember i mentioned it earlier?), “fast hand, white hot trauma, reverberates inside the skull. innocence and intellect raped, reveals a view of a darker world. flesh on flesh, the bonds of affection - confused for the bonds of submission and fear. self-hatred and mistrust repel all beauty that comes near.” i don’t like to say that this solidifies a personal experience, but it’s highly possible.

a lot of sin nomine kind of goes over the same points in different ways, but it makes you think. i definitely feel like something happened to jordan at some point in his life but that is his story and it’s not my place to truly tell, since i don’t know him personally.

there’s also the other channel, adrianturcher. it has videos with seemingly no real purpose except for there being two videos with the same names of two songs on sin nomine, “nex memoria” and “a fetish for psychos”. nex memoria is just a compilation of clips that seem to symbolize the process of death (nex memoria is a latin phrase which very roughly translates to “memory’s death”). a fetish for psychos is a bunch of old clips from parties and shows that possibly jordan himself attended. they’re from 2002 judging by the date in the video. the lyrics in the song “a fetish for psychos” also seem to hint at these events, so it’s possibly that it’s like looking back on happy memories that make you feel sad instead or something. the song also might possibly reference a mother at the beginning.

sanguinarius also has its own channel simply called sanguinarius. there’s the music video for divine comedy (one of the songs on sin nomine) and a cover of because you’re young by david bowie, posted on his birthday a year after his death.

anyway, that’s. pretty much all i have to say. jordan diniz is a fuckin’ mastermind, he’s really good and cool and he’s very kind from my experience talking with him a couple times. he supports the gays as well!

sooooo, treatsforbeasts does have some very creepy/unsettling moments in its content but its EXTREMELY good and i recommend getting into it if you can. 100/10

#asks #tfb #treatsforbeasts #sanguinarius #ok 2 rb #deerlcorn

[atlaslimbs]

March 26, 2020

    Maybe I should start using this platform for something productive. Not that my usual activity of sharing pretty things can’t be meaningful. I do believe looking at and sharing things pleasing to my eyes is something important for me to remain hopeful (especially after being flooded with all kinds of not to nice images lately.) I want to take the time to talk on here and express myself in a way that is loose and not pretty. Sort of a stream of consciousness style of journal entries. I have tried journaling regularly so many times. Every time I would try to do this style of stream of consciousness free writing with a pen and journal I would eventually give up because I would have too much to say and my hand would get tired or i would get too caught up in what my handwriting looked like as silly as that sounds. Recently I even tried this thing where as i was driving to school or work I would record myself talking out loud as a means of journaling. That didn’t work either because I wanted to refer back to them to see what I had said but could not stand to hear the sound of my own voice long enough to meditate on any of the words. So here I go bouncing it back to Tumblr typing away on my computer trying to quiet down all of these thoughts swirling through my head all of the time. I am not sure why I am not doing them in a word document that is private... I guess there is something to be said about the vulnerability of putting it all out there to where anyone could find or read these things. I would like to think I am a very open person but even as I am typing this into I feel myself wondering who is going to read this. I know a few people that I do know might read these, however the four or five friends and a couple ex lovers that have my account are ones I wouldn’t mind hearing the inside of my head anyways. 

    I guess I should set the scene here as if no one reading this knows anything about me at all so that I don’t get started from a place where I think there are already preconceived notions of myself that I must adhere to. Who knows, maybe the journal entries of a young person in 2020 might be useful one day. I sure have a lot of things to say that I feel like someone might want to listen to. My name is Sydney and I am twenty years old. I am going to be turning twenty one in April and was looking forward to having a fun outdoor party with all of the people I love there around me. For now we are going to have to celebrate from far away because of the recent stuff going on with the Corona Virus. We are being instructed to stay inside and away from people as much as possible. I feel like I will eventually get into a rant about the politics to all of this and my political beliefs in general but for now I just want to set the scene for anyone reading this. I am sitting on my porch watching cars drive by me. I cant help but think why are all these people still out? People seem to be acting like everything is okay which is just going to prolong all of this and cause more deaths in the end. God if you told me that this wasn’t fiction I wouldn’t have believed you last year. Wow last year me would be so terrified. Today me is terrified... But I am finding strength every day through managing my anxiety and trying to convince myself that I am prepared. Back to what I was saying, I am sitting on my porch listening to a playlist of my “top songs of 2019.” Each song takes me back to a certain feeling whether it be driving to school or screaming the songs out in my shower. I want to just say on record I LOVE TO SING. It is something in my life that I have always enjoyed. I have been singing more lately which feels so nice. My dad is a singer he sings in a band with some friends and they play at bars here and there locally. I just had the heart wrenching feeling of realizing that I may not be able to hear my dads band play for a very long time if ever again. I am thankful for all of the videos I have taken though that I can always refer back to if that is the case. I don’t tell many people that I love to sing because people tend to think that in order for you to love to sing you have to be good at it. Or at least people in our culture which sucks. If you think about it, all of our religions have some sort of exchange of energy with the highest power through singing. That has to mean something. When I am singing I feel like I am letting the songs feel for me instead of feeling them vulnerable all alone by myself. Even if the emotion is not one that is hard to feel it still is just so comfortable to experience it wrapped in a protective layer of a song. Some of my happiest memories are singing in the car with my dad. He never once has told me that he doesn’t like the way I sound or that I am singing too loud. I think that I really have got to start now on rebuilding a lot of the confidence that was torn away from me at a young age being around a couple of really toxic and sad family members. I remember wanting to sing along to the songs on the radio and them saying things like “Sydney we get it you know every word to the songs you don’t have to prove it” or “Sydney why are you singing so loud like you think everyone wants to hear you.” Thinking back on that and wanting to protect that small innocent version of myself I want to say to them “Have you guys never enjoyed anything in your entire life? Does anything ever FEEL GOOD to you?” I become more and more aware every day of how a lot of the time I suppressed doing things that brought me joy because I was afraid of them making fun of me for it or being “annoying.” Whoever made that word up sucks because it has been in my thoughts suppressing me ever since I was first called it. Note to self: don’t under any circumstances call someone annoying because wow that shit hurts. I want to talk about something one of my friends said but I feel like if I am going to introduce that person into the narrative I want to tell you all about her from the beginning. I wish I didn’t feel the need to be so thorough all the time but recently a friend told me that they love that quality about me so I suppose I will give myself some slack. If I were to get real deep and try to figure out why I do that I think I would have to link a lot of it back to being young and the toxic family members I mentioned before questioning everything I said to the point where I felt like I had to prove absolutely everything I said. So instead of simply being able to say “The other day someone who’s very important to me and one of my closest companions said...” my brain tells me that you aren’t going to believe how important she is to me if I don’t describe every detail of our relationship and portray it as beautifully as I have felt it so instead I have to divert and go on a tangent about that person before getting back to this story. I can see how that would annoy someone who didn’t care to know about the things I love, but luckily the silver lining to all of that is, being this way has showed me who cares enough to listen to me for hours regardless of what I am talking about. If you told that young version of Sydney who got brushed off every time she got excited about anything or told she talked too much that one day she would meet people who would make her feel like every word that was coming out of her mouth was worth listening to I don’t think she would believe you. Things like this are thoughts I have that restore every bit of hope I have in my body. Knowing that in the short time of being alive and away from my family I have found more love than I ever thought could exist in my reality really keeps me going every day. 

    Wow I am thinking so many things right now and want to tell so many stories. There is one person in particular that I keep thinking about when it comes to not only the listening to me talk thing but also about my love for singing. My dad is not the only person who has made me feel safe screaming music in the car and I am thinking about all of those people now. My brain automatically wants to use words like “tolerate” even though that is such a negative connotation when I’m sure they don’t feel that way about it at all. This person I am thinking about who would listen to me talk for hours or sing with me in the car is a very special person to me. She is honestly probably the only person who is going to read this at all much less to the end. I don’t know if I will ever be able to repay this person for the amount of love she brought into my life. I want to make a whole post describing all of our memories together but im not sure what format to put them in. Maybe I should tell them like a story. People always tell me I should write a book. I am going to end this here and maybe write out some topics I want to talk about more thoroughly and cohesively so that I can document them here. I would love to talk about all of my memories from certain time periods before they leave my head forever. That is a big fear of mine. I want to tell you about all of my first loves and all of the times I have felt love at all and all of the art I have experienced and everything. Thank you for reading this if you do. And thank you for loving me if you have because I am learning how to love myself and it helps so much to have people who show me ways. 

Maybe if you read this like it so I know. 

[passionandpurposeblog-blog]

Sexuality: No More to say and so over it

A few months after my long term girlfriend and I split up, I ended up in bed with Phillip, A nice guy that I’d known for some time. During the post-sex talk, he turns and asks “So does that mean you’re straight now?” 

“LMFAO” 

‘You’ve got a nice cock and I had a great orgasm, …..but you haven’t awoken anything in me that wasn’t already there. You cannot ‘make’ me straight and no one forced me to fuck you’ 

Infact, No one else would sexually awaken anything in me. Not the next guy after Phil, or the guy after that guy, or the girl after the guy after Phil. The list goes on and the list started waaaay back into my early teens. I've always been open, I was experimenting with drugs and people at a young age, I had a threesome with a guy and a girl when I was just 18. When I look back, I must admit that was very young for such an experience, but I just went with the flow. I don’t regret it, but I wish I had done it at a later age to really make the most of it and have the emotional maturity that you need to go with it. 

I’ve been listening to an interview with Kate Pierson (B52’s) and she has recently married her long term partner, a woman that she has dated for 15 years. She said that she had always dated men, and was even married before and that this lady came along and bang she was in love, just like that. Kate Pierson is now 71, So this is her 55-year-old self experiencing a major transition and shift in her life. Whilst trawling through the B52s back catalog online I read so many comments from random fans. ‘She's a lesbian’ ‘I never knew’ ‘But she was married to so and so’ and this is exactly the snooze fest that I am writing about today. Yawn...... If she spent 40 years with different men and now met a woman, perhaps shes just er just bisexual? And more importantly, shouldn’t we be interested in the music and her voice? As much as I love her, when all is said and done I don’t really want to think about the bedroom antics of a 71-year-old yknow.  

What is it with the labels?  

It’s like no one is comfortable until they know exactly which box you belong in, and if you stray from that box then their tiny minds scramble and system overload occurs. ‘ANNOUNCE YOURSELF AT ONCE’ ‘What are you?’ and ‘Don’t you dare have options or change, it doesn’t fit with the label I’ve prescribed you’.  

Before we label Kate a lesbian, how about we mention that she’s a brilliant talented vocalist with over 40 years in the band? Or is that how we are defining her now ‘The lesbian’?. *Insert laughing emoji here* 

“Bisexuals always get dumped on,” says Cynthia Nixon from Sex in the City...The Media has too labeled her a lesbian when much like Kate Pierson, she was in fact with men and entered into this new world later on in her life. It’s like now we must erase her whole previous life and deny that any man has ever come close to her! How dare she now turnaround and say she's’ attracted to men! How fucking dare she, she’s lesbian property now and she has no voice! She never said she was anything, You did!   

I thought, ‘I get it! I get You, I just get it’. She’s attracted to people, they may be male or they may be female yet shes being kettled to a place she never asked to be. It really is that simple. Should her current relationship end, nothing stops her going back to men, dating another woman or even staying single. Your past partners do not mean that your future self is set in stone. It’s not difficult to understand really is it?  

But! And there is a But!  

Say Cinthia and her gf/wife did break up and she dated a man. She won’t find it that easy, because of what I call, the whole ‘lesbian fragility’ - Gay women who pride themselves on being with women and only women and god fucking forbid should you show any interest in a guy. Well, You are now damaged goods my girl. A sell-out, banished!....exiled from the pride....like the Lioness in last weeks BBC Planet Earth. How can you and the gay community ever really watch the L Word again together or listen to Ani Difranco in the same way? ‘It’s just not the same’ they’ll whine.  

I’m being serious. There is a reverse discrimination within the gay community! I’ve seen it first hand. I’ve seen a few women in same sex relationships end, then go for a guy and their ‘friends’ no longer feel the same way about them, there’s no time to hang out anymore and she is “too busy with her straight friends”.  

Awwwww did someone emasculate you? 

I’ve never really enjoyed the company of gay women if I'm honest. I always found their friendships forged on sharing of sexual preference rather than common interest, views or hobbies. I usually think their haircuts are shit and they present me with this feeling where they are unsure if they want to fuck me or fight me. Very awkward, not to mention its a very childish and incestuous scene.  

I have seen this so many times with women, either in a same sex or opposite and then switch later on down the line which is what I mean about experience and just understanding those around you. I think a lot of women are on the bi spectrum. Not all, no, but a lot are, and sexuality is fluid.  About three months ago my cock hungry straight friend told me she’d met some woman online and is now having the best sex of her life! Great, wonderful, Whoppie.  So how do I label her? …....‘Err Mary’......... I label her Mary. I can’t really call her cock hungry right now, so I’ll just label her ‘Hungry Mary’. 

One of my oldest friends is gay – full blown lesbian, never been with a guy but totally cool with every bi girl that has. She and I sit on a different part of the spectrum, but she gets it and like myself she gives those around her that mutual respect and safe space to be who they are. If she turned around tomorrow and said she’s dating a guy, I wouldn’t be shocked, not because she has ever indicated that she likes guys, but simply because people change.  

I know three guys that have also experimented with other guys, would identify as straight and two of the three have long term girlfriends and kids. I just think at the time they took the ‘any holes a goal’ attitude and like my younger self, just went with the flow. 

As we age and grow the fuck up, this should be more accepted and we should just allow people to do who and what they want without the questions, especially the silly questions. It’s really mind numbingly boring, not to mention so nosey!? Jeez, get your own life in order. Despite my ramblings, I'm actually a pretty private person.  I just don’t discuss my private life or anyone I’m dating, I have so many transient non-committal interactions with people that I just don’t feel I need to. 

 I’ve been chatting to some people for ages, and I still wouldn’t discuss parts of my life with them. I keep my circle so small, and If we don’t click like that, we don’t click like that. It’s cool, because there is far more to me and far more to you than who we have in our beds right? I cant imagine meeting someone and asking them, “so what are ya?” CRINGE. I’d die. I’ve got some friends that I’ve spoken to for years, we’ve had really great conversations and it’s never occurred to me to stop and ask ‘do you have a partner? Are you gay?’  

The small circle of friends that I have know me, they get me and that’s my safe space.  

I do find some of the questions and statements really annoying, and if I’m honest just plain weird. I have an irritating male friend in that likes to continually remind me that I’m attracted to women, and of course, there is no way that I can be attracted to men, because I’m not attracted to him..... *eye roll* Dick! It’s like me saying to someone, ‘but you said you like mixed raced girls, so why don’t you like me’ it’s really really weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its uncomfortable because he cannot address or acknowledge his own fascination with bisexuality and cannot stop mentioning it every time he sees me? He makes out he is cool and open-minded, yet I seem to be the topic of convo or butt of his jokes. Address your homophobia or your weird unrequited sexualisation of me whatever the issue is. Seek help mate, Your issue not mine. 

I cannot recall being asked what two women do in bed, but I have heard of it being asked to other people. It’s hilarious. I honestly believe that if you are over 25 and cannot work that out then you have a really dull imagination and I’d bet you are not very experienced. Not necessarily in bedding two women at once, but just in experiencing people; hearing their stories, watching porn, understanding their anatomy and physiology. OR You are being a menace and condescending..... I’ve never seen two men at it live, but I’m pretty sure I know how it goes down ;-)  

Sometime ago I spent a fair amount of time at a bdsm sex dungeon helping out an old friend. Id mostly film her sessions, and now and then Id help out by giving some guys the odd little kick in the nuts etc. Boy, I could write a whole new blog on that experience LOL! I saw some things!  

Meeting all the different types of people that came in the dungeon really opened my eyes to the world of sex and sexuality and just what turns people on. You really cannot judge what people are into, and you’d never know. It’s funny, the ‘geezers’ that make the gay jokes about bumming are often the same ones that ask the women to wear strap ons ;-). People have their quirks and their kinks, they just hide it well BELIEVE me. 

I’ve seen a lot and I’m very open and not much phases me, but because I’m not phased, or excited by the gossip or the fascination of it all I'm over it. …....over the labels, the questions, the presumptions, opinions and the basic inability to let people do what they want in peace. So because of this I decided a long time ago that I’m actually over my sexuality and stopped speaking about it  back in my twenties. 

Yawn.  

No one owns me and no one dictates.

I’m not anything, I’m just me in that particular point of time. No path is set and I answer to no one except who’s in my bed. 

Keep your own truth

#sexulaity #bisexuality fragility homophobia lgbt straight labels b52s #sexuality #cockhungry

[joonbird]

Fire & Desire | 1

➭ “Kim Seokjin is everything you don’t want in a man. Cocky, full of himself and oh so annoying. And that’s what makes him the perfect fuck buddy. Because it’s not like you could ever see him as anything more than a heartless player... right?”

pairing: seokjin x reader

genre: smut, fuckboy!jin, dom!Jin

wordcount: 10.1k

a/n: *that* shower scene → inspired by this picture!

part one | two | three

You have a crush. 

It seems a bit silly to use the word crush, but really – it’s the most fitting word to describe how you feel when you’re around him. Your chest squeezes when you think about how he smiles with his eyes first lips second, your heartbeat rutting at a rapid pace when imagine him directing one of those smiles at you. Yep, definitely a crush. You have a crush, a big, embarrassing, painful crush, on no other than Kim Namjoon.

Kim Namjoon. Kim Namjoon is known to most as the newly promoted junior partner of your firm, a man with a sharp brain and an even sharper tongue. You however, know him as the man who has you thinking ‘oh my god he’s looking at me don’t blush don’t you dare fucking blush’ on an all too regular basis.

Of course, it’s not like he notices you. He’s your type to a tee, the kind of man you always imagined yourself ending up with. But his gaze always scans right past you -  when all you want is for it to linger. 

That is, until now.

“Hey,” Namjoon hovers above your desk and his eyes meet yours. Your breath leaps in your throat and you immediately pin your shoulders back, hoping that you look poised, elegant. A blush colours your cheeks when you realize you’re overthinking your actions, as if good posture will somehow make him wildly attracted to you.

Still, you pull your shoulders back and smile at him.

“…” 

A long silence stretches between the two of you, he clears his throat with an embarrassed tilt of his head, and you realize that he doesn’t even remember your name.

“Y/N,” You stammer out quickly and Namjoon nods. 

“Of course. Y/N. I was wondering…” His voice dips and for a wild moment you fantasize about the words that are about to come out of his mouth.

“… Do you mind photocopying this file? I would ask that new intern, but he’s already left for the day.” He adds a little smile at the end of his words and you can’t help but melt, like butter over a stack of pancakes. 

You’ve been working at this firm for nearly a year and you didn’t suffer through the hellish ordeal of law school to merely photocopy... but still, you find yourself nodding. The file is well over 200 pages and going to take a year to photocopy, but you grab it like it’s a god damn golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. 

Namjoon doesn’t notice the blush spreading across your cheeks and he’s already glancing down at his phone, and with an absentminded ‘Thanks’, he strolls away.

You’re bent over the photocopier, trying to figure out how you’re supposed to change the ink cartridges when the machine doesn’t seem to have any clear instructions whatsoever, when you hear voices.

You recognize them immediately – Namjoon’s calm voice melodic against the deeper, huskier voice of Kang Minho. Minho is one of the associates in your firm, an older man whose default mode is one of condescension. Particularly towards the few women employed at your firm. Needless to say, you aren’t a fan. 

They’ve clearly stopped in your office’s large break room to grab a coffee, and you wave at them, but neither men notice.

“…So tonight’s the big night, huh?” Minho’s voice floats down and you pause, intrigued. 

You wonder if you should say something, reveal that you’re down here on the ground grappling with ink cartridges. However, a morbid curiosity shushes the words before they can leave your lips. You duck down so they cant spot you, feeling somewhat like a fugitive.

“Yeah,” You hear Namjoon answer, followed by a chuckle. “Man, I’m fucking rusty. I haven’t been laid in months. I haven’t even talked to a woman in months.” He laughs ruefully and your eyes widen. 

“I know what you mean,” Minho sighs. “When are we gonna get some better looking ladies in here? I could use a hot little PA, not an old fucking crone. Have you seen Beth? I wouldn’t fuck her if you paid me.” 

Namjoon just laughs in response and you wrinkle your nose at the crudeness the two men are exuding.

“Although,” Minho muses. “There’s Y/N, that new lawyer, right? She’s pretty hot.” 

Your eyes widen when you hear your name, and you realize you’re holding your breath when you hear Namjoon make a noise that can be best described as the vocalization of an ‘ehhhh’.

“She doesn’t count,” Namjoon says finally, and you blink. “She’s like another guy.” 

Minho laughs loudly in response. “True.”

Fuck! You’re squeezing the ink cartridge and it explodes in your hands, sending black ink all over your palms. The sound of the cartridge clattering to the floor causes you to jump, and cringing, you scrabble to duck lower behind the photocopy machine. 

“What was that?” You hear Namjoon question, and you pray to all the divinities out there to stop him from rounding the corner.

“Dunno man. It’s probably nothing. Come on, let’s bounce.” Minho responds, and you breathe out a sigh of relief when you hear the sound of their footsteps retreating. 

You stay still for a moment, crouched over, your hands covered in ink. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, suddenly all too aware of the horrible sensation in your your chest. You want to cry. And not just a few tears, a big, ugly, chest-pain cry.

She doesn’t count? Like another guy? 

You ball up your fists and will yourself to be strong. You hate this- the sharp whip of rejection swelling in your chest. He’s an asshole, you chant internally, who cares what he thinks, you add to the chant. The need to cry subsides, but the sting doesn’t.

You finally stand up and walk to the bathroom, you scrub your hands one, twice, three times, the routine calming you down. By the time your hands are relatively clean, you’re feeling better. 

You leave the bathroom and walk down the hallway of cubicles, past the symphony of clacking keyboards and tired sighs. It’s already late, the sun melting into the skyline, and yet half of your team is still hard at work. Any other night and you would be working away alongside them. 

It’s the price you have to pay if you want to climb up the career ladder in this profession. You have to give up any semblance of a life, let alone a love life. How long has it since you’ve gone on a date, had sex, or even interacted with a guy? Aside from photocopying files for a man like you’re a nameless, voiceless intern, you think to yourself bitterly. 

You reach your tiny cubicle and stare miserably at the stack of papers on your desk, the open laptop, the cup of coffee. It’s Friday night and your plans were to finish your work, go home, cuddle your cat and sleep. 

Some Friday night.

Maybe it’s the frustration blooming in your chest, or the wooden feeling from being reduced to ‘she’s pretty hot/she doesn’t count’ by two of your colleagues.

Whatever it is, it ignites in your chest as you slam your laptop closed and swipe your wallet off of your table. 

“It’s Friday fucking night,” You mutter to yourself. “And I need a drink.”

“He’s an ass.” Irene says, authority lacing her voice. “Truly. An ass.” 

You’re sitting at a dive bar around the corner from your house, a nearly empty bottle of wine sitting in front of you. It’s getting late, and you’ve been complaining to your best friend for hours. The more alcohol you consume the more you feel fired up, it feels like annoyance is running through your veins. Annoyance and red wine, that is.

“I’m the ass.” You mutter. “I’m done with men. I’m done with feelings. I’m done with being passive and not taking charge of my own life.” You end your sentence with emphasis, lifting your glass to your lips. Irene just laughs, pointing her glass at you. 

“Don’t be like that, you’ll meet the right guy. I did.” She punctuates her words with an angelic smile and you just shake your head at her words. 

“I don’t want to meet the right guy. Seriously,” You whine. “I’m done with feelings. I’m done with caring so much. What’s the point? You get invested and you get burned. Fuck that!” 

Irene just shrugs. “I mean-”

A loud laugh cuts through Irene’s voice- an obnoxious laugh, one that immediately annoys you. 

Your eyes fall straight on him, and to be completely honest- it’s hard not to, because he’s the kind of man the demands attention. He’s standing at the centre of the bar, leaning against the damn thing like he owns the place. 

He’s handsome- and you can tell he knows he’s handsome. You can see it in the way he carries himself, you can sense it in the lines of his shoulders- he is exuding the kind of easy confidence that only truly beautiful people have. 

He’s in conversation with a woman- she’s gorgeous, clad in a black dress that is molded to her curves like hot fudge dripping off a sundae. She’s simpering at him, her eyes wide and hopeful. 

Curiousity piqued, you watch as he laughs again –such an unattractive laugh for such an attractive man- and you’re amazed by how the woman continues to stare at him like he’s God’s gift to man. Complete and utter doe eyes. 

Even though he has most of his attention on her, he’s still glancing around the room, giving other women moments of eye contact, little smirks. He’s keeping his options open, you realize. He’s eyefucking half the room.

“Seokjin,” You hear her voice ring out, she pouts at him. “That’s such an amazing story. You’re so brave.”

He leans in closer to her and nods somberly. “I try to be,” You can hear him say in a serious tone. “I mean I have to be a brave guy, right? To talk to a woman as beautiful and out of my league as yourself?”

Ugh, what a fucking line. You roll your eyes, expecting the woman to see straight through him. Instead, her eyes light up and her cheeks blush pink.

You can’t believe she doesn’t spot how him he switches from spinning lines like a K-drama actor to being completely bored, the second she glances away. He’s a player, and a good one. A very good one. 

He’s charming, handsome, the textbook definition of princely. He works the sweet ‘I want to date you’ card to the right woman… and, you bet, he can flip it and become a complete asshole before that some woman can even blink.

“Pathetic,” You mumble under your breath. 

Almost as if he hears you, he glances up, his eyes meeting yours. 

Looking at him front on, you’re disarmed momentarily by how beautiful he is. Full lips, wavy hair, and piercing eyes… eyes that are staring right into yours, with no subtlety whatsoever. He’s trying to figure you out and when you give him absolutely nothing, his lips curl into a smirk. 

His gaze is focused and appreciative, as if he’s undressing you and he likes what he sees. You roll your eyes and tear your eyes away from him, forcing yourself to look at something else, anything else. 

“That guy won’t stop staring at you,” Irene hisses under her breath. 

You glance up at her with a deadpan expression. 

“Are you sure he isn’t staring at you?”

She sighs impatiently. “Yes I’m sure! Oh my god, he’s so hot. I’m wet just looking at him.”

You laugh, swatting your friend. “Too much information Irene… which guy?”

“The one who looks like a model!”

You glance up surreptitiously to see that same guy, still staring straight at you. The woman he was chatting up earlier is still by his side, batting her eyelashes at him, but he’s not even facing her. 

His eyes are on you.

“Please,” You roll your eyes. “He’s the kind of guy who’s too in love with himself to pay any attention to the girl he’s with. Probably gets off to his own photos.”

Irene sighs dreamily. “And I don’t blame him if he does. I would too. He’s seriously so- Oh my God, I think he’s walking over…”

You glance up in mild panic, seeing him sauntering over to you.

“Hi,” He says, stopping right in front of your table and offering you a smile. “I’m sorry for staring, it’s just… you’re the most beautiful woman here. Did you know that?”

You hear Irene let out a little sigh and you just purse your lips, unimpressed.

“And you’re the most obvious guy here, did you know that?” You retort icily. 

He’s unbothered by your comment, instead, he just lifts an eyebrow.

“You ladies out for some drinks?” He asks, glancing from you to your friend. 

“No, we’re here to raise sheep. What do you think we’re doing?” You snapback, holding up your glass of wine and waving it in his face. 

He just cocks his head to one side, a smile dancing on his lips. 

“You’re funny,” He comments. “I like that in a woman.” He gives you a slow, charming smile and you just stare at him with an uninterested expression.

“Sure you do,” You respond sarcastically. His grin widens.

“Kim Seokjin. My friends call me Jin.” He introduces, holding out his hand, and you ignore him.

“This is Y/N,” You hear Irene scrambling, you shoot her a death stare and she just grins innocently at you. “I should head home,” She announces, grabbing her purse and standing up. “Tae’s waiting for me.” 

Seokjin is still staring at you, he doesn’t even turn his head to look at Irene. 

You shoot her a warning glance and she just grins at you, mouthing, He’s cute! You give her a look that says, I’m going to kill you.

“Irene-” You begin but she just chirps out, “Bye!” And flounces off. 

Great.

“Y/N,” Seokjin says thoughtfully. “Pretty name.”

You put your wine glass down and glare at him. “Please. Stop. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re painfully obvious. I’m not interested.”

Surprise darts over his face.

“I’m not trying to do-”

“Like I said! Cut it,” You interrupt him, you hold his gaze for a long moment before he shakes his head, laughing. 

“Bad day?” He answers simply, you give him a withering stare in response.

“What, you think the only reason for me not falling all over you could be that I’m having a bad day?”

Seokjin just grins. “No, I can just read you like a book. Tell me I’m wrong then. That you’re not having a bad day.”

You let out a little huff. Seokjin just smirks at you. 

“You’re so tense,” He comments lightly, carelessly. “I can see it in your shoulders.” His eyes linger on your body and you let out a scoff.

“I’m tense because you’re here.” You snap at him, and Seokjin leans in closer.

He’s so brash and so confident that you’re momentarily taken aback.

“I can help you get rid of some of that tension, if you like.”

“Not a chance in hell,” You growl, shaking your head at him. Seokjin pauses, surveying you thoughtfully.

“Look, I meant what I said. You’re the hottest woman here. And I’m the hottest guy here.” He finishes his sentence with a nonchalant grin and a wink.

Your jaw drops a little at the sheer audacity of what he’s suggesting, narrowing your eyes. 

“You’re so-” You begin, irritation prickling over your skin, and he just grins, cutting you off smoothly. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re attracted to me, right?” He leans in closer as he speaks and you feel your breath catch in your throat. He smells good, he’s wearing cologne but he also smells like something else, like fresh linen.

This close, you’re practically swimming in his eyes and you can’t help but feel a buzz of heat in your body.

“I…” Your voice stammers out and a confident smirk settles over Seokijn’s face. You stare at him up and down. He’s confident, so damn confident, like you’ve already said yes, and you suppose for a moment that maybe you have. He’s attractive. Really, really attractive.

You grab your wine glass in an attempt to down it all in one gulp. Instead, your hand collides with the glass and sends it flying... straight on Jin’s lap.

He lets out a small yelp and jumps in surprise as the dark burgundy liquid soaks straight through his cream coloured jumper. 

“Oh my God!” Your hands fly to your mouth and you feel your cheeks burn scarlet as you fumble around on your table for a napkin. You twist your body around and your elbow collides with Jin’s drink.

The second drink topples onto Jin and then onto the floor with a loud crash, the glass splintering into crystalline pieces. 

Your jaw drops and you see Jin grimace. 

“I’m sorry, that was an accident, I swear,” You babble and Jin just lifts his eyes to meet yours. 

“I have to say, I’ve had women throw drinks at me before but never like that.” He says drily. 

“It wasn’t-” You begin but Jin just shoots you a look of faint irritation. 

“Next time just say ‘no thanks’ and leave it at that.” He mutters. 

Your jaw drops and you feel a spike of annoyance flare up inside of you, but before you can bite back a retort, one of the bartenders marches over, irritation creasing his face.

“Time to go,” He says bluntly. Both you and Jin’s heads snap to look at the man, whose arms are folded, lips pressed in a firm line.

“I’m sorry, it was an accident-”

“I don’t care,” He interrupts in a short, tight voice. “We’re nearly at a full capacity and you just broke two glasses. Now I’ve gotta vacuum and sweep this entire area. Out.” 

The protest dies from your lips when you see all of the broken glass littering the floor. You nod meekly, turning and slinking out of the bar, Jin following suit. 

“Ugh,” Jin mutters in annoyance as you step outside. He looks down at himself pointedly. “I’m all wet and sticky now. Thanks a lot.”

“Sticky?” You echo. “What the hell were you drinking?”

Jin lifts his chin defiantly. “Peach mojito.” He says in a pert voice and you can’t help the giggle that spills out of your mouth. He narrows his eyes at you.

“A peach mojito?” You repeat, giggling. 

“They’re delicious and high in alcohol content, for your information.”

You laugh again, once again slightly taken aback by how upfront he is. He wears everything on his sleeve, you realize- not his heart, because you’re pretty sure he doesn’t have one. But he’s not hiding anything. He may be an A-grade player, but he owns it, at least. Oddly enough you appreciate it. 

“Whatever you say, Seokjin.”

Jin narrows his eyes at you. “Hey! I’ve been kicked out of a bar and my clothes are ruined. I should be getting laid right now. Instead… I’m here. It’s just great.” He’s speaking with a hint of sarcasm and you watch as he runs a hand through his hair, letting out a sulky sigh.

“Sorry,” You try again. “Really.” 

Seokjin eyes you suspiciously for a moment before he shrugs. “S’alright. I’ll live. I’d just kill for a shower or something God, I feel gross.” He shudders and you feel a twinge of guilt.

“If you want,” You begin with a sigh. “My place is right around the corner. You can shower there and try get some of that out of your clothes.” You eye the humongous red stain on the front of his jumper and he glances at you.

“Your place?” He repeats, and you cut him off before that now familiar smirk makes another appearance.

“Just because I feel bad for you.” You clarify. “There’s no chance in hell. I’m honestly not that attracted to you. You don’t affect me.”

He just smiles at you. “That’s called denial, babe.”

“Nope,” You fire back. “It’s called honesty.”

Jin just laughs and shakes his head. “Okay okay,” He shrugs. “If you say I don’t affect you then I won’t try anything, promise. I’m a man of my word.” He raises his hand solemnly at you, like he’s reciting an oath, and you roll your eyes.

“Please stop talking. Are you coming or not?” 

“Alright,” He sighs. “Lead the way.”

You arrive at your place in five minutes. As you switch the light on and close the front door, Jin steps inside, gazing around gingerly.

You gesture at the door up on your right. “Bathroom’s over there.”

Seokjin nods at you and walks over as you check your phone. 1AM. 

“Hey,” Jin calls out from inside the bathroom, “What’s with your shower?”

You pad down the hallway and into the bathroom. Your eyes widen as you realize he’s standing there shirtless, in just his jeans.

“Uh,” You stammer, averting your eyes and coughing. Jin, unfazed by your awkward reaction to his half naked body, gazes around your bathroom. 

“So fancy,” He comments. “There’s a seat and everything.” 

He nods at the small bench tucked against one wall of the shower and you shrug, still not making eye contact with his torso.

“Yeah, the old owners were big time into new age renovations, and I guess a bench in the shower was one of them,” You clear your throat after you speak and Jin just nods slowly. He’s still looking around your spacious bathroom, an intrigued expression on his face.

“What the hell do you do for a living?” He asks in curiosity, and you flush.

“Lawyer,” You mumble. “You?” 

Seokjin just smirks at you. “Wouldn’t you like to know. Anyway. How do I turn on the tap in this fancy-ass shower?” He eyes the huge chrome tap in the centre of your shower dubiously. 

“Ah,” You start, leaning against the shower door. “Yeah it’s a bit different, you’ve gotta press the tap inwards with pressure and then turn it to the left.” 

Jin nods, frowning at the tap, for a moment before he leans in past you to grasp the tap. He’s close, his face pinched slightly in concentration. You draw in your breath involuntarily as he steps closer, but luckily the sharp intake of your breath is lost in the sound of the water hitting the shower floor. 

His shoulders flex as he adjusts the water pressure, and your eyes fall on the slopes of his shoulders, your stare lingering on his neck. You’ve never been a neck person but God, he has a nice neck.

“Huh.” Jin says lightly, but you barely register what he’s saying. The glass walls of your shower are slowly starting to mist up with steam and you’re still staring at Jin’s back. He has such a broad back, with a trim waist and strong shoulders. His skin is smooth, and you suddenly wonder what his shoulder blades would feel like if you dug your fingernails into them.

Jin turns his head to glance at you, catching your dumbfounded stare.

“What?” He huffs, and you open your mouth to say something, anything... but words evade you. 

You’re suddenly hyperaware of the fact that he’s nearly naked, and your eyes fall from his eyes down to his chest. 

He raises an eyebrow and smirks to himself when he notices your stare. It’s getting hot in the room, and you draw in your breath with a shuddery gasp as he dips his head down to you. 

His lips are mere inches away from yours, but he pauses. His eyes darken as his gaze trickles down from your eyes to your neck, skimming over your breasts. His eyes rake over your entire body, and his stare is pure heat. 

It’s like you can feel him lingering over every inch of you, and you swallow, absorbed in the way his neck tenses with arousal, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. Like earlier, isn’t subtle, and he’s not gazing at you with adoration. Quite the contrary – he’s looking at you with hungry, lust filled eyes. He’s blatant, and you can’t help but glance down, seeing the tent in his pants. You tilt your chin up, staring into his eyes. Willing him to kiss you.

Like he can read your mind, his lips inch closer to yours, and you don’t know whether it’s him or you who closes the distance first. Either way, you meet his lips in a fevered kiss. 

There’s nothing gentle about it, it isn’t tender, his lips slam into yours with an urgency that immediately gratifies you. You gasp into his mouth and feel your body tense, but he’s like liquid, smooth, assured, his hand reaching up to cup the back of your head, his other palm sliding down past your shoulder blades to settle on your lower back. 

The gratification doesn’t last long, because you want more, and you let out a low moan as his tongue licks your bottom lip. You tilt your head back, feeling your heart start to jackhammer in your chest as he kisses you long and deep.

He’s good at this- at kissing, he kisses with just as much confidence as you would expect, his hand cupping the back of your head, his tongue is deep and demanding. Your mind is racing, and just when you think you can’t feel more full of want, red hot, unadulterated want… Seokjin lets out a low, sweet moan into your mouth.

Jin steps away from you and his fingers grasp the metallic zipper of his jeans, and he pulls them off and steps out of them. Your eyes glide over his thighs, thick and strong, at the small V lines that slope inward to his dick. His dick, which is big, thicker than you anticipated, and completely erect. Your breath catches in your throat as he straightens, a smirk on his face.

“Join me?” He asks and he turns, stepping into the shower. Your breath locks in your throat and comes out as a strangled sound as your eyes land straight on his ass, he has a great ass. Scratch that, he has a great everything.

Your body is moving before your mind has fully registered what is going on, your fingers gripping at the bottom of your dress and yanking it over your head, your hands frantically curving around your back to unclip your bra. Heat and desperation is throbbing through you, your eyes locked on Jin, who is standing under the pouring water. 

He turns his head and his eyes meet yours, his eyes linger over the curve of your breasts and on your legs and he bites his lip, and you feel yourself start to unravel with desire. 

Your underwear are off, flung to the floor with the kind of carelessness that would normally make you cringe but to be quite honest you couldn’t care less.

You step into your shower and Jin is staring down at you with a smirk on his lips.

“Y/N,” He says your name and it rolls of his tongue and you feel a quiver of hunger deep in your core.

“Seokjin.” You say his name, you attempt to say it confidently but it comes out as a breathy groan. At the sound of your voice, Seokjin moves closer.

He doesn’t kiss you. Instead, he turns you around in one smooth movement so that your palms are flat against the shower wall. The tiles are cold against your skin, the steam swirling around the air, and you let out a shuddery gasp.

“You’re so annoying,” He leans in and murmurs in your ear, you feel his lips brushing teasingly against your earlobe and a shiver runs through your body.

“You are,” You breathe back, and his fingers latch firmly around your wrist. He has your arms pinned against the wall, and his neck crooked as his body locks yours in place. You feel weak from arousal, at feeling his body, so much larger than yours, curved around you like this. 

Jin lets go of one of your wrists, his hand trails over your arm and then down your spine. Your toes curl and you can’t help but arch your body back into his, the way he’s touching you has you entirely on edge. His fingers work quick patterns on your lower waist, right by the fleshy part of your hip. 

“I thought you said I don’t affect you,” He continues, his voice low.

“You don’t,” You reply, but your legs tremble and your words come out as a moan. Jin just hums, massaging his thumb into your hip. You’re aware of how you’re pushing off of the wall with your hands, it’s unlike you to be this needy, this desperate so fast but you can’t help yourself. 

Jin’s palm skims over your ass before he cups it in his hand, squeezing you.

“I think I do. As much as you don’t want to admit it…” He punctuates his words, massaging your ass in his hands before both of his hands are at your waist, spinning you around. You gasp again as you come face to face with him, he has an easy, confident smile on his face. 

“I think you are affected by me.”

You feel momentarily taken aback, this close he’s so handsome that it hurts, his eyes piercing into yours. And the confidence! He’s oozing with it, and as much as it annoyed you back in the bar, you can’t help but feel turned on by it body now. He skims the pad of his thumb over your pussy, right over your now throbbing slit, and you hiss in a breath. He pulls his hand away.

“And there’s my answer,” He murmurs in satisfaction. You feel a flash of sexual frustration, mingled with irritation. Your core is aching for him, a heavy thud between your legs, and you’re annoyed that he’s right. You are affected by him.

“Yeah, you’re hot. Is that what you wanted to hear, you ass?” You mutter, but the irritation drains out of your body when he presses his body against you. You can feel his erection against your ass and his hands grip your hips, pulling them against him. 

He lets out a small moan and you’re filled with a stirring of confidence from the fact that he seems to be just as turned on as you are.

“I’m so hard right now.” Jin mutters, and your feel a rush of arousal and pride at his words. 

“Good,” You respond, it’s all you can manage to say. Jin pushes you firmly against the shower wall, and once again the cool slick of the tile makes you gasp aloud. You see Jin’s eyes flash as he smirks, one hand pinning your hips down in place. 

He reaches up and runs his fingers through your hair, wrapping some strands in his hand before he tugs. It’s a firm tug and you let out an involuntary moan. He has you immobilized, locked against the wall, and you are completely in his grip. 

“Fuck,” You grit out, staring up at him from under your eyelashes. “Please,” The word comes out before you can stop it. You’re desperate for him, your entire body is buzzing with need.  

The shower is full of steam now, the air thick, and you have to crane your neck back to meet Jin’s gaze. You’re trembling in arousal, the heavy weight of his hand in your hair, and that arousal only heightens when you see the look in Jin’s eyes. The easy confidence is still there, he looks pleased with himself, cocky as ever. And it turns you on so much you can hardly stand it.

“I told you,” Jin says in a low, teasing voice. “I’m good.”

“You haven’t even touched me yet, stop thinking so highly of yourself.” You pant out in retaliation, Jin growls, and you let out a gasp, enjoying the way Jin tightens his grip on your hair. 

He lets go, his hand curls around the base of your neck near your jawline, his fingers gripping your chin. He stares directly into your eyes and you can’t help the small moan that rips from your throat. His smirk grows at the sound.

“You’re so needy,” He observes with a cock of his head. “In such a rush.”

Before you can respond, he slips a hand between your thighs and brushes a finger against your clit. 

You hiss in for breath, his fingertips are damp from the steam in the shower and his hand is still keeping your face forward, locked on his. His touch lasts only a moment on your soaking wet, needy slit, and you feel a spike of desperation when he pulls away. 

You’re faintly aware of how your breath is becoming erratic, and that the more out of control you get, the more Jin’s smirk grows. The thought occurs to you that Jin is right… he is good. You don’t know how but he seems to read your body and touch you in spots that have you practically mewling out his name.

“Please Jin,” You beg. Your pride is starting to give way to your neediness for his touch and frankly, you couldn’t care less.

His eyes flash and his fingers dart against your pussy again, this you can’t help but tip your head back against the tile and let out a cry. Jin lets out a little groan and you feel his fingers push inside of you. He slips his long slender finger inside of you, working up into your wet walls and arching.

Fuck, when he crooks his finger your entire lower back stiffens and your eyes widen. You let out a choked breath, Jin’s eyes are on you the whole time, his dark eyes hypnotic and amused as he slides another finger in. 

The second one he slips in slowly, teasingly, before the full length of his fingers are inside of you.

He makes slow, agonizing thrusts inside of you and you’re filled to the brim with lust. It feels like you’re spinning, the air in the shower is thick with steam and the water is still running behind you, but all you can concentrate on is Jin fucking you out with his fingers.

“Oh my God,” You whimper and Jin’s eyes flash in satisfaction, as he slowly pulls his fingers out of you and brings them to his full lips. You watch as he sucks both fingers clean, his eyes locked on you, catching the way your mouth falls open. Fuck, he’s dirty, but he’s good, so damn good. 

“You taste pretty good.” Jin says in an offhand way and with a shrug of his broad shoulders, and you’re filled with a flash of annoyance. 

“Asshole,” You mutter and the irritation you feel fuels your arousal, your lips finding his in a frenzied kiss.

Jin’s lips are full and his tongue darts into your mouth with a dominance that you’re not used to. His kisses are rushed and intense in a way that has your whole body keening into him. 

He’s so good at this. It’s the one thought that slips through your hazy state at arousal. Perhaps too good at this. Jin doesn’t just kiss- his hands are roaming over your body, his fingers massaging at a sensitive spot on your inner thigh and making you moan. 

You’re barely aware of what you’re doing in response to his touches. While everything he is doing is full of intent and purpose, your hands are fluttering in his hair, roaming down his back, cupping his ass in your hands. 

You’re a mess, and at one point you stagger under the streaming water of the showerhead. The water pours over you and makes you gasp, before he pulls you back out of the stream, your wet skin gliding against his.

“Fuck,” You mumble in between his kisses. “You have a great ass.”

He just smirks. “I know.” 

He reaches down and grabs your ass, smacking one of your cheeks playfully. “You have a great ass too.” He murmurs sweetly, and before you can say anything he’s captured your lips in another hungry kiss. 

You respond eagerly, and he’s pulling you by your waist, you’re following. He sits down on the ledge in your shower with his legs apart and pulls you down on top of him. Immediately you oblige, swinging your legs into a straddling position. 

His cock is hard, you glance down at it and swallow, he’s bigger than what you’re used to. He has a nice cock too, straight, long, and thick. You wonder if it will be able to even fit inside of you. Judging by the smirk on Jin’s face, he can read the brief uncertainty that crosses over your face from taking in his size.

You take his length in your hands, wrapping your fingers around his shaft and enjoying the way his Adams apple bobs in his throat from your touch. Carefully, you pump your hand up and down his cock, your eyes flickering up to catch the way his tongue darts out over his lips. 

His lips are unfairly pillowy, you think to yourself, so full, like a pornstar’s lips. And with that thought, you’re suddenly struck with inspiration. 

You push yourself off of him, bending down so that you’re on your knees. Jin’s eyes widen a little before he smiles, stretching his arms out and interlacing his palms behind his head.

The shower floor is hard and painful on your knees, but it just turns you on more. This whole encounter is turning you on like crazy, you on your knees in your shower with a guy you met at a bar. A guy unlike anyone you would normally ever go for. 

With that thought in mind, you run your palms along his thighs and glance up at him. Seokjin’s lips are parted slightly and he cranes his neck forward, you can see the arousal written all over his face as his gaze trails over your waist, taking in the way your feet are tucked under your ass. 

You continue working his cock with your hand and slowly bend forward, keeping your eyes on him. 

“Tease,” Jin groans out. You can see it on his face- utter anticipation, and seeing the oh-so cocky Jin waiting impatiently for you to put your lips around his cock floods you with heat.

You run your tongue slowly down his shaft, toying with him before you dart the your tongue over his tip. His legs tense under your palms and he lets out a barely decipherable grunt of approval. You smile to yourself before you swirl your tongue over his tip again. Jin lets out an even louder groan.

“Stop teasing,” He mutters, but you ignore him, enjoying the loss of control on his face as he clenches his jaw. 

Finally, you take his cock into your mouth. You take a moment to adjust, to wetten his dick with your mouth, before you slowly take him in deeper. Jin moans and you see his fingers clench at the bench. 

His hands hover forward and entangle in your hair. You take him in until his cock hits the back of your throat. Jin is moaning louder, your eyes spring with tears but you’re so turned on by the noises. He’s vocal, surprisingly vocal- he’s letting out dark growls and moans, as you start fucking him with your mouth.

“God I never would’ve thought that you’d be this good with your mouth,” Jin sighs out and his words have your chest swelling with an odd sense of pride.

“You look so hot, your pretty mouth around my cock… fuck, how do you, oh Jesus, how do you do that?” His voice is strained as you take him even deeper, ignoring the will to gag. You lift your eyes to see his face, contorted in pleasure.

You hum against his dick, his full length in your mouth and your throat. His eyes open and he glances down at you and you give a tiny nod. A smile dissolves over Jin’s face before lifts his hips up with his palms against the bench, and begins to carefully thrust into you. 

“God, you’re deepthroating me like a fucking slut, it’s so fucking hot!” Jin groans as he bucks his hips, your eyes fill with tears. 

You take each thrust, his moans filling the air, before he pulls out of your mouth, hoisting you up. Before you can say anything he’s pulling you on top of him, his fingers grabbing at your thighs and pulling them around his waist so that you’re straddling him again.

“I want to fuck your brains out, princess,” He tells you in a husky voice. “Have you got a…?” He raises and eyebrow and you nod. 

“One sec,” You stammer out and you hop off him, the bottoms of your feet leaving wet footprints on your bathroom floor as you yank open one of your drawers and rip open a condom. 

Jin grins as you return, rolling the condom onto his length. 

“C’mere,” He murmurs when you’re done, pulling you firmly on top of him. His fingers are finding their way between your legs, he’s not slow and teasing like before but desperate. His fingers work against your clit and you let out a loud whimper. He looks so good- his damp hair is pushed off his forehead, lips are full and red from him biting them while you were fucking him with your mouth.

“You’re already so wet for me aren’t you?” He mutters. “God, you’re so hot… my lucky day.” He smirks at you and you feel his cock twitch between your legs. He pulls his fingers out of you and gazes at you, you answer his unspoken question as you wrap your fingers around his cock.

You lift your hips and ease yourself onto him. You’re careful, knowing that he’s thicker and bigger than what you’re used to, but you’re so wet and so aching for him that you sink down around him easily. 

The feeling of him stretching you out is immense and overwhelming, your eyes roll back and you let out a choked cry. 

“Fuuuuuuck. Your pussy feels even better than your mouth,” Jin half laughs, his fingers gripping around your hips. 

As you adjust, you feel satisfaction and relief wash over you. You have been craving this from the moment he slammed you against the shower wall. You begin rocking against him, his fingers curve around from your hip to your ass.

He cups your ass and squeezes you. He’s leaned back against the wall of the shower, and you tip your head back. There’s something about Seokjin, you’ve realized- perhaps the way his eyes rake over yours hungrily while you ride him. Or maybe it’s the cocky smirk that seems to always be on his lips. Whatever it is, it drives you God damn crazy. 

“You sure can take my dick well,” He murmurs into your mouth right before he kisses you, another wet hungry kiss. He keeps his hands on your ass, guiding your motions as you rock into him deeper, harder. 

You’re reaching your climax, it feels like you’ve been on edge ever since the water started running in the shower, and seeing Jin like this- swallowing heavily, his jaw clenching, it’s almost enough to take you to the edge. It’s the shower too, you think, the thick steam and the sound of the water running behind you as you sit on his cock.

“I’m going to cum soon,” You hiss and Jin reaches up with one hand and grips your hair again. 

“You have nice hair,” He comments, completely ignoring you. His voice is strained with lust. “Next time I’m going to fuck you from behind, like this.” His other hand flutters up and he tugs firmly on your hair with both hands, and the burn on your scalp has you moaning out. 

“Next time?” You pant out and Jin nods, his jaw clenching. 

“Yes. I’m going to have you on your pretty stomach with your ass in the air. And then I’m going to cum all over your back.” He says his words with his usual confidence and it pushes you over the edge. 

“Fuck!” You collapse forward slightly and your eyes squeeze shut as you feel your orgasm sweep over you in shuddery, desperate waves. 

Seokjin doesn’t stop- he just lets go of your hair and rests his palms flat on the bench beside him so he can tilt his hips up. He keeps fucking into you. 

Your palms fall forward on his chest to support yourself, and your orgasm has already started to ebb away, it was intense and quick. But the feeling of him still fucking into you, harder, has your walls clenching again. 

Seokjin thrusts up into you with rapid, sloppy, desperate movements, and you let out a cry as your second orgasm chases the first. 

The second is more languid, a slow, intense one that seems to grip around you like a vice. The tension drains out of your body and you moan out his name incoherently, it feels like your entire core is about to melt in bliss. 

Jin lets go and wraps his palms around your lower back to support you, your body is weak, your fingernails digging into his chest.

“Fuck,” He mutters at the feeling of your walls tightening around him, and he lets out a guttural grunt, pressing his face against your chest as he moans out against your skin. 

His orgasm is akin to your first, desperate and frenzied, his body shakes under yours. Jin moans out your name and the sound of hearing him cum like that, so vocally, has you shivering in pleasure.

You stay there for a moment, his forehead pressed against your chest before he moves, leaning his head back against the shower wall. 

The only sound is the water still hitting the shower floor. 

Your whole body is numb, euphoric.

“That was…” Jin’s voice trails off and his eyes meet yours, and you know what he’s thinking. Insane. 

Carefully, you ease yourself off of his dick and wince. You’re going to be sore tomorrow, you think. 

Seokjin is still leaned back against the wall watching you, a lazy, slow smile spreading over his face. 

You sway a little as you stand up, you hover for a moment as the throb in your body slowly starts to fade. 

Finally, you step into the stream of water, letting it wash away the sweat and his cum. You stand there for a moment before you grab your shampoo from where it sits on the floor, squeezing a small amount into your palm and massaging it into your scalp.

After a beat Jin stands up and his thighs tremble, he leans against the wall for support.  He takes the condom off of his length and opens the shower door, tossing it into the bin before stepping back under the water. 

“Pass the shampoo,” He says, holding out his hand and you turn, nodding mutely and passing him the bottle. You quickly rinse the shampoo from your hair, suddenly feeling uncertain. Jin doesn’t notice, he’s too busy showering beside you and his eyes are still closed. 

You figure he’s in post-orgasm bliss like you are. Gingerly, you step out of the shower, grabbing a fresh towel and wrapping it around you.

“Thank you,” Jin says suddenly, you glance at him. He’s smirking at you, and you admit to yourself that he looks good. The curve of his back, his tight ass, his wet hair. 

“You too,” You respond honestly. “It’s late, you can stay here tonight if you want, there’s a blanket on the couch.” You say lightly.

“Cool, thanks.” He responds and you nod, turning and letting yourself out of the bathroom.

Once you’re out of the steam filled room, the cool fresh air hitting you, you lean against the wall. 

You’re surprised at the feeling in your chest. You had a great, no, a spectacular fuck, and you feel no lingering attachment after. 

You feel nothing but euphoria from your orgasm. 

No feelings, no doubts, just a warm, satisfied ache throughout your body.

You wake up feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks. 

You let out a yawn, your body curling in a lazy stretch. You smile when you realize you can feel the afterglow from your two consecutive orgasms still simmering in the pit of your stomach, and you allow yourself a moment to bask in that feeling. 

Finally, you force yourself out of bed. It isn’t that it hits you exactly how tired your body is – your thighs are sore, your core is aching, your head a little woozy. Still, your mind flashes back to how good it felt to have Seokjin’s hips slamming into you, and a flutter stirs in your belly.

Wincing a little, you get up and head to the bathroom, wriggling into an old tee.

Your cat Kale meows a hello at you as you shuffle down your hallway, and you pause to bend down and give him a cuddle.

“I got laid last night,” You tell your cat in a serious voice. He just stares up at you and then meows loudly, like he’s cheering you on. You laugh. 

Your house is silent, that nice calm that only the weekend can bring. You haven’t felt this relaxed in weeks. In fact, most weekends you can’t even sleep in properly, feeling too highly strung to sleep past 8am. But this morning… your eyes flicker to the clock hanging in your hallway and a tiny, giddy smile settles on your lips. It’s 11AM. 

You push open your bathroom door, still smiling. 

“Oh my GOD!” 

The exclamation spills out of your mouth when you spot Seokjin standing at your sink. He’s shirtless, dressed in just his tight black Calvin Klein briefs, rummaging through your drawer with a determined look on his face.

“You’re still here?” You ask in disbelief. “Are you going through my skincare? What the hell?” 

Seokjin glances up when he hears the commotion, not at all fazed.

“Yeah, do you have any facial cleanser? A better brand than this, preferably.” He gazes down in distaste at your drugstore brand cleanser. You’re momentarily shocked before you walk towards him, snatching the cleanser out of his hand.

“Not for you I don’t!” You snap, and Seokjin shrugs, unbothered. 

“Whatever. I’ll just cleanse at home then.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Speaking of home,” You begin, putting your cleanser back in its place. “When are you going to you know, go home? It’s nearly midday!”

Jin stares at you, his face serious. “What are you talking about?” he says. “This is my home now.”

Your jaw drops and Jin bursts out into a loud laugh- that same windshield wiper laugh that you first heard in the bar.  

“You should’ve seen your face,” He sighs, pleased with himself before he returns his attention back to your skincare drawer, rifling through it.

“Stop! Going through my skincare,” You mutter, closing the drawer shut. “And you’re not funny, not even in the slightest.”

“Please,” Jin sniffs. “I’m hilarious.”

You give him a withering stare. “Quite the contrary,” You mutter. “You’re disgusting.” You eye him up and down critically, irritated that even after waking up he looks this good. He’s practically naked in your bathroom, his hair a ruffled mess from his sleep, a pillow crease marring one cheek, but he still manages to look good. It’s unfair.

Jin just shoots you an angelic smile. “You didn’t seem to find me quite so disgusting when I was fucking you right there last night.” He nods over at your shower and smirks triumphantly at the pink flush that spreads across your cheeks.

“Yeah well you didn’t seem like such a know it all hotshot when I had your dick in my mouth.”

Jin just smirks, you seethe. 

“Yeah you were pretty good with that actually. It’s nice to meet a woman who can handle all of this.” He nods down at his package.

“Did you just refer to your dick as ‘all of this’?” You ask scathingly, scrunching your nose in distaste. Jin just shrugs nonchalantly and you roll your eyes. 

Kale wanders into the bathroom, winding around Seokjin’s legs, meowing loudly. 

“Kale likes you,” You comment in surprise. Seokjin glances up, smirking. “What can I say, I attract all kinds of puss-”

“Do not even think about finishing that sentence.” You interrupt, shooting Jin a withering stare. Kale meows again, rubbing his head against Jin’s calf affectionately.

“Why am I not surprised that you’re a cat person,” Jin mutters. “Dogs are much superior to cats. My dog Adam can-”

“Wait,” You cut him off. “You named your dog Adam?”

Jin just folds his arms stubbornly. “Yes. He’s British.” 

You stare at him in disbelief before you laugh. “That’s such a weird name for a dog.”

Jin’s jaw drops, an offended look flashing across his face.

“How can you make fun of my dog’s name when you named your cat after the worst vegetable ever?”

You open your mouth to retort when you suddenly realize how close you’re standing to him. The tension is crackling off your body in waves, and before you can help yourself, your eyes fall on his lips. 

A long, heavy beat hangs between the two of you, and you realize that your entire body is humming in anticipation. Kale is still sitting by Jin’s legs. The bizarreness of the situation has you suddenly suppressing a giggle.

“… So do you wanna go for round two-”

“NO!” You yell stubbornly, whirling around. “Get out, I need to use the bathroom, and for God’s sake put on some clothes!” 

You shove him out of the bathroom and turn to face your reflection, letting out a sigh. 

The last thing you expected was for him to actually stick around.

After you’re finished in the bathroom, you walk outside only to see a fully dressed Jin waiting for you.

“Look,” Jin says hastily, stepping towards you. “I was thinking last night. We were good.” He says the words with a completely serious expression. “Really good. Like, I’m probably gonna get off to the thought of you over the next few days good.” 

You wrinkle your nose at him. “Ew.”

“Seriously,” Jin continues. “I have needs. I get horny. And to be completely honest with you, not a lot of girls know how to handle me and my cock.”

You glare at him. “You are so full of yourself.”

Jin shrugs. “It’s true. I mean, that was the best blowjob of my life,” He grins at you. “And honestly? I wanted you from the second I saw you last night. You looked damn good,” His voice lowers into a murmur, his eyes intent on yours. You feel your resolve tremble. “And you are damn good.” 

A little tingle of pride eases its way up your spine from his words, causing your ego to flare. You attempt to suppress it, giving Seokjin a hard look.  

“Your point is?” 

“I was thinking… we should make this a thing. We can sleep with each other if we’re in need of a good fuck. We don’t have to call each other, we don’t even have to pretend that we care about each other… we’ll just you know. Help each other out when we need it.” He grins. You just raise an eyebrow at him. 

“What, friends with benefits?”

Jin just gives you a dry look. “That requires us to be friends, and…”

“No chance I’d ever be friends with someone like you.” You finish bluntly. Jin nods. “And vice versa.”

You stare at him suspiciously, biting your lip. “You’re serious,” You say slowly. “We call each other up when we need sex. Just sex… and…” 

“No obligations. It doesn’t even have to be regular if you don’t want it to be. Fuck buddies. Minus the buddies. I mean… it was good. Right?” He leans in a little closer and you breathe in sharply. Your mind flashes back to him, how it felt to have his hands and his mouth on your lips, on your skin. Your eyes fall on his full lips, the sincerity in his eyes… and you can’t help but wonder what that handsome face would look like between your thighs. 

“Yep,” You admit, swallowing. Jin’s face stretches out into a smile, his gaze unwavering.

“Okay,” You mutter, grabbing his wrist. “C’mere.” You drag him to your kitchen, ignoring Jin’s yelps of protest. You stop in front of your kitchen bench, grabbing the notepad and pen you keep there. Jin’s rubbing his wrist and muttering to himself but you ignore him, scribbling on the yellow lined paper.

“Alright.” You say, shoving the notepad at him and propping your hands on your hips. “Read that.”

Jin raises an eyebrow. “What’s this?” He glances down at the paper. “Hereby is the contract for Kim Seokjin and Y/N.” He recites, pausing. 

“That’s your last name?” His nose wrinkles. “It’s weird.”

Your jaw drops. “Weird – it’s a name!”

Jin shrugs. “It’s weird.” 

You force yourself to calm down and you sigh. “That is not the point. Keep reading it.”

Jin shrugs and continues. “…Jin and Y/N will have a purely physically relationship. They will not get involved with one another beyond the act of sex. They have no obligations to one another and can withdraw from the agreement at any given time.” He glances up and looks at you with disbelief. “Did you make a fuck buddy contract? Are you serious?”

You nod. “Yep. Keep reading.”

He sighs and continues.

“They can sleep with other people and do what they want. Protection is to be used at all times. No cuddling, no pet names, no dates, just sex. Y/N did you really write this whole thing in third person-” 

“Yes! That is not the point!”

“God, you are such a lawyer. Can I add a bit of my own?” 

You shrug, and he grabs the pen, scribbling something on the bottom of the pad.

“Okay…” You nibble your lip as you read what he’s written. “God you have messy handwriting… ‘no texting, no calling’.” You look up at him questioningly.

“I hate all that stuff,” He explains with a shrug. “How’s your day been? All that shit. No thank you. No texts, no calls. Unless they’re of the booty call variety.”

You think it over and nod. 

“No texting or calling sounds good to me. In fact, let’s just minimize the contact as much as possible. If we want to have sex, we should send each other like one word, and it’s either a thumbs up or thumbs down response. That’s it.”

“What, like an emoji as a code for a booty call?”

You shrug. “Yeah, whatever.”

Jin nods slowly, his eyebrows creased in thought before he grabs at the paper again, writing something. You glance over his shoulder.

“No texting, no calling. Except for texting the eggplant emoji, which will mean, do you want to bang- Oh my god!” You glare at Jin. “You’re. So. Gross.”

“The eggplant makes sense, I mean…” Jin glances down at his crotch and you make an impatient noise and grab the notepad.

“Okay, okay, whatever. Let’s move on. Eggplant emoji it is. Does this sound good to you?” You wave the paper in the air and he nods. 

“Well I mean it all sounds good to me.” Jin says confidently, snatching the paper and signing it. 

He passes it back to you.

“Your move.” 

You’re a little taken aback, a small part of you you hadn’t really expected him to go ahead and sign it. 

You stare at him for a beat, wondering if you can really go through with this. Have an arrangement like this with a guy like him. 

But then again, what else have you got to lose? It’s so easy- the promise of sending one emoji and getting laid, easy as that. You still have freedom, and he has his. No feelings, no risk of getting burned by a guy. No secondguessing all his words and actions, no getting hurt by aforementioned words and actions.

Just lots of nights like yesterday’s- great sex, a deep sleep, and absolutely no emotions.

You glance at Jin uncertainly. 

It’s not like you could ever fall for him. You don’t even like him. 

And so, you put pen to paper, signing your name with a flourish. You whirl around and whack the makeshift contract on your fridge, pinning it in place with a magnet. 

Jin’s watching you, a mildly amused expression on his face.

“Done.” You say, turning and outstretching your hand confidently.

Jin gives you that familiar, easy smirk, before he grips your hand.

“Done.”

A/N: pls anticipate more Kale in future chapters

#seokjin smut #jin smut #seokjin fanfic #bts smut #bts fanfic #seokjin scenarios #bts scenarios #jin fanfic #jin scenarios #seokjin x reader #jin x reader