#for being people who just wanted the basic freedoms in life we were always denied

[bevydev]

Small rant underneath

Challenge for my mom:

Stop talking about my sister like she's is some ungrateful wild child who ran off on her own instead of someone who was denied any ability to grow and live her life because of your suffocating expectations that eventually succeeded in driving her off since there was no chance to make things better with you at home.

Level: impossible

#tw: rant #it honestly looks like I'll have to leave home one day and never explain my whereabouts #bc if i stay here Lord knows when this woman will ever let me go #she says she wants independence for me but in reality she wants a child who acts like her perfect adult puppet #that she can basically control like another version of her for life #i can't even see my sister because of my mother's selfishness and her refusal to see reason and yet she still blames both of us #for being people who just wanted the basic freedoms in life we were always denied #and adamantly went against my sister being in a relationship or living in her own as if it was some affront to both her and god #literally the cognitive abilities of a toddler: my mom cannot process anything beyond her own narrow-mindedness #this is why she's going to end not having neither of us in her life in the future but still be dumbfounded as to why

[zel-zo]

Hey so you know how in the Izuru-Fuyuhiko conversation, Izuru assumes Fuyuhiko intends to use Izuru for his talents? And Fuyuhiko refutes that like right away. Based on the recent art you made, do you have any thoughts on Izuru making himself useful (as a meat shield apparently) anyway? Izuru usefulness complex vs. Fuyuhiko 'people arent tools' complex or something like that? Sorry if this is a strange ask to get out of the blue haha I am interested in the narrative.

Ok so this is a FANTASTIC question and it took all my restraint not to send back an entire essay lmao💛💛💛 (correction^ I wrote 544 words of this so, maybe a LITTLE bit of an essay)

So, here are my thoughts on Izuru and Fuyuhiko's potential relationship in DRS:US:

I feel like the reason that Izuru may in fact stay with Fuyuhiko in this scenario (I mean, he outright says that if he were told to be free without orders he would probably just disappear overseas and cut contact,) is Fuyuhuko’s resolve not to use Izuru for his talents. I think that, in one way or another, this wont sit right with Izuru, who can easily reason out the fact that he’s a passive force until acted upon, and if acted upon (or used) for the good of humanity, that would have an overall better net benefit to the world than valuing his independence and letting his talents go to waste. As little as Izuru seems to care about anything, the thought process behind letting him do whatever he wants and not like, idk, make him cure cancer, is an absolutely atrocious error in judgement and has to be the fault of some under-developed moral code of Fuyuhuko’s. I think this intrigue is part of why Izuru would want to stay with Fuyuhuko: to see how long it will take for Fuyu, given ample opportunity, to abandon his personal code and start using Izuru (weather for humanity’s benefit or his own).

Note: I also think this is why Izuru would “make himself useful” (like the meat shield incident). By showing how much he could benefit Fuyuhiko when his talents are used, he’s subtly testing his resolve to keep refraining from doing so.

On the FLIP side we have Fuyuhiko, who’s honestly got a point. He’s definitely not thinking of it in the same big moral strokes that Izuru is, but he is thinking of the basic gist of it: What should you value more, a person’s freedom or the good they can do? In his (learned) opinion, the value a person’s life has and the potential they have for good aren’t exclusive, but that person needs to do the good on their own for it to have meaning. His relationship with Peko comes to mind hard here as someone who has been given a role and carried it out perfectly, denying their own free will in the process. Fuyu doesn’t go through the same lesson in the same way as DR2, but it’s clear that he’s coming to similar conclusions about valuing Peko’s free will in their DRUS interactions. I feel like, similarly, Fuyu would just want Izuru to start giving a damn about being used by people and stop treating himself like a means to an end.

So, does this turn into a genuine friendship? Something more?... Maybe??? I see a lot of interpretations of Izuru’s character were he’s an unfeeling machine, which I personally really dislike. I mean, the man has enough emotion to be bored by being unable to be surprised by anything anymore. He does Cry, even if he doesn’t know why. In my eyes, Izuru is mentally incredibly developed, but emotionally underdeveloped because of his emphasis on learning and usefulness since his ‘creation’. So, these two’s relationship is both ambiguous and up for interpretation, but I do think it has room for Izuru to come to understand Fuyuhuko’s thinking and maybe even start caring for him eventually. Honestly it’s all up to your personal interpretation of Izuru’s character!

But yea, those are just my thoughts! Let me know Your own interpretation!! I love these characters and always wanna hear other people's thoughts on them!!! 💛

#fuyuhiko kuzuryu #sdr2 #drsusc #danganronpa s ultimate summer camp #izuru kamukura #Ask #Ask zel-zo #zel-zo #danganronpa #spoilers #possible spoilers #anon #izuru kamakura x fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Feel like i have to tag this every time I post about these two but INTERPRET HOW YOU WANT!!! #Ship or no ship or generally abiguous #We stan all kinds of relationships in this household #I need to see more people talking about these two so feel free to flood my ask or the notes with your own thoughts

[mikeslawyer]

as a will byers fan I respect byler and won’t have an issue of it happening but I don’t think it’s fair for bylers to insist that it’s the only way for will. He absolutely could do better and open his horizons he is only 15 years old, in his head he’s thinking that’s it that’s all he has but I think for his coming of age they could show that he isn’t alone out there and that he could find love somewhere. It absolutely doesn’t have to be with mike either and I know this will trigger a lot of you since your hardcore bylers, but this is coming from a person whose only looking at this from a different view. I think he deserves more then what Mike could give him cause Mike is dealing with his own stuff and has made some mistakes regarding Will, plus he has his relationship with el he’s dealing with.

Again I wouldn’t be mad if byler was endgame cause if wills happy then I’m happy, but If it’s not I understand it exactly it’s all I’m saying.

I truly don’t even know where to start telling you how wrong you are.

First off, let me address the “he’s only 15 years old and he thinks he doesn’t have perspectives” because no. Will absolutely knows he has perspectives, he just doesn’t want them. Let’s not forget he lived in California for a year and even though it’s still the 80s, it was much more open and progressive than Indiana. California passed one of the freedom laws in 1974, following with more - they basically agreed that if both parties have consented, then it’s none of their business what’s happening between two people. They allowed gay people to be open, to express themselves.

Secondly, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie and many, many others existed and spoke up regularly and openly. Look up either of their interviews. Will knows he’s not alone, he’s not the only one. He literally moved back to Lenora, but he simply doesn’t want to. My guess is he explored his sexuality there, met more gay people, learnt about himself. Mind you, he doesn’t hate himself for being gay. He knows he can’t change it - it’s Mike who’s denying his own sexuality. Will has long since come to terms with being gay.

Another thing - I hate when people say that Mike can’t give him everything he deserves, because yes, he absolutely can and will and would always. Did we watch the same show? Mike would and has walked through hell and back for Will. His first insist when they were being shot at was to literally shield Will with his own body. Mike doesn’t see the world besides Will - he literally said that his home isn’t home because Will isn’t there. He has repeatedly, time after time, proved how much Will means to him.

Yes, Mike has problems with his relationship with El, so what? Let’s not forget that he, too, is fifteen years old and he, in contrast to Will, did not spend a year in California, a place much more open than Hawkins. Another thing, as much as Nancy would protect her brother no matter the situation, they don’t exactly talk. Meanwhile, Will has unconditional love from both his mom and his brother, who have shown him support when he cried. Mike would rather die than cry around Nancy or his mom. He has no one to turn to, no one. The only person he trusts like that is Will, who not only is the problem Mike is struggling with but also seems to just not get him anymore.

Lastly, putting all of this aside. Will is in love with Mike. He doesn’t want better. He wants Mike and I cannot stress this enough. And saying that he deserves better than the closest person in his life, someone who would walk through fire for him, someone who literally would and has protected him at the cost of heir own life - saying that just proves that you don’t understand either of their characters.

#anyway #i am the wrong person to come to if u wanna slander mike #have u not seen my username #byler #mike wheeler #byler endgame #stranger things #byler is canon #will byers #will x mike #mike x will #byler tumblr

[iris-sistibly]

The Targ Talk (a review series): House of the Dragon episode 4

[🔥]

The way Rhaenyra's fingers touched the pendant that Daemon gave her, when she saw Caraxes flying all the way to King's Landing, and the way she smiled when she finally saw Daemon in the flesh after 4 long years. The way Daemon's expression softened up upon seeing Rhaenyra again, their flirting moments, I am living for these!!!

THE BROTHEL SCENE WAS SOMETHING I WASN'T PREPARED FOR!!!! Of course I knew about that part in the book, but man the oozing chemistry between Matt and Milly was *chef's kiss.* Their sexual tension was so on point, I really felt how Daemon and Rhaenyra wanted each other so badly. Perhaps the reason why Daemon held back was because even if he asks for Rhaenyra's hand in marriage, Viserys would never consent to it (as seen in the later part). But anyhoo, this is the hottest scene in this episode so far and I can't wait for more Daemon and Rhaenyra scenes!

The scene with Criston Cole was hot as well but not as hot as Daemon and Rhaenyra, and I don't like Ser Criston even if he's cute (if you've read Fire & Blood, you'll know why).

Spoiler alert: There were two contradicting accounts about Rhaenyra's virginity issue. One was Maester Runciter's where he narrated that Daemon seduced Rhaenyra and he was the one who claimed her maidenhead, and when they were caught in bed the next day, Rhaenyra insisted that she was in-love with Daemon. But in Mushroom's true telling, Rhaenyra had eyes on Ser Criston Cole and Daemon...well, he basically "taught" her how to pleasure a man (yes, he brought her to brothels aside from doing a demo with her and her doing a return demo on him, if know what I mean 😂). But Criston was true to his vows so Rhaenyra wasn't able to apply her "learnings" on him.

Aaaaand yes, Daemon admitted to having a thing with Rhaenyra and asked for her hand in marriage, but Viserys was one angry papa and he was not having any of it because his brother was already married to someone else.

The side by side comparison of Alicent and Rhaenyra's lives were brilliant. Here we see Alicent who was wife to the king and has the position any woman would want, yet it was clear that she wasn't happy. She was dragged into a marriage her father carefully plotted, birthed one child after another, performed her role as a dutiful wife which includes visiting her husband's chamber whenever he needed her. It wasn't the life that she wanted, yet she had no say towards it. Her being a queen is just a facade but in reality, she is a prisoner, she cannot complain, she cannot refuse, and she is silenced in many ways.

Fan theory + spoiler alert: I have a hunch that this will be one of the many reasons why she went insane during her final days (the start of Aegon III's reign)

Rhaenyra on the other hand, though also being burdened by her role as heir and being placed into so much pressure to get married, has always had a voice (aka getting into a heated debate with her father just to prove her point). The thing with Rhaenyra is that the more people try to control her, the more she is likely to go against it. The more she's being held back, the more she desires freedom and that gives her the fire to do whatever the fuck she wants.

Speaking of which, this personality of hers is pretty much like Daemon which is why they're such a perfect match.

Again, a part of me believes that Alicent cares for Rhaenyra. However, I think the reason why the latter denied her bff the truth was that she knew she couldn't trust her anymore. Instead, Rhaenyra used this opportunity to make her father strip Otto Hightower of his title as Hand in exchange of her marrying Laenor Velaryon which I think was a clever move. Otto deserves it anyway hahaha!

Spoiler alert: Rhaenyra was adamant to NOT marry Laenor and was only brought down to her knees when Viserys threatened to make Aegon his heir. That's when Rhaenyra consented to the marriage.

I forgot about the part in the book where Viserys actually came to his senses and fired Otto as Hand 😂. But I am so glad that he wasn't as dumb as we think he is, the king removing that pin was so satisfying.

I also found it funny at how Rhaenyra had to dramatically put up some shit about Otto trying to ruin her, but Viserys ended up not believing her anyway (that she didn't have sex). Rhaenyra's face when she was given the tea (as ordered by Viserys) to get rid of the possible consequence was so freaking funny.

#house of the dragon #hbo series #fire and blood #george rr martin #viserys i targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targaryen #alicent hightower #otto hightower #ser criston cole #laenor velaryon #paddy considine #milly alcock #matt smith #emily carrey #rhys ifans #fabien frankel #theo nate #3Ts

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

hiii ella, i have a question which is kind of inspired by one of your reblogs from yesterday(i think), so do you believe in concept of wasted time? and if yes what does that mean to you?

I've been in this funk lately and im trying to figure out if I spent las

jesus, my ask about wasted time got sent before I finished it and I can't remember what I was typing so yeah you don't have to answer i just wanted to hear your thoughts :))

hope you have a nice daay<33

hello kind anon!! i did really go off in the tags of a post yesterday, didn't i? jshfkr

you were going somewhere with that last sentence, but i think i can already try to say some stuff that are true to me, and my experience, that might help? and you can always come back!

so this was that post and it basically said okay things about it being okay to grieve when you feel like life isn't going your way. i think the sentiment isn't wrong and op was trying to convey a nice message about hope, but i think the priorities and the bottom line were off. in the end, the focus was on "making up for lost time", and i don't agree with that. i don't agree with the overall sentiment that your life is only worthy if you manage you "build a new future".

it's tricky bc obviously the message is about not being hard on yourself when you're in a slump that you do want to get out of. i personally get depressed and then there really are times when the weeks and months become blurred and i don't really know what i've done with my time. and there is sometimes a sense of time that's been lost when you have to go through this struggle (again and again), bc it feels like you lost yourself. i think the real power lies in acknowledging that whatever state of mind you're in, or whatever you're going through, or whether or not you're productive or going places or achieving things, you're always still you, and especially: you're always still living.

after years and years of dealing with my depression, the way i have come most to terms with it is accepting it as part of me. i don't fight it, i don't deny it, i don't ignore it. when i go through funks and slumps, i remind myself that this is something my brain does, and that i always come out on the other side. if i made decisions during those times that 'set me back' in terms of my relationships, or perhaps things i'd been working on in life, then those can be seen as lost chances, things i can be sad about, but i will also do my very best to not fall into a spiral of self-chastising over a mental illness i can't control. this doesn't have to necessarily be about depression btw, this can apply to any life, bc we all experience our emotions in waves. to pretend like we always feel the same is a mistake, bc then we take away ourselves that freedom, and we deny what's naturally us. there's no reason to limit ourselves like that. you can't say "that's unlike me" about something you've done or felt.

i think the concept of "lost time" never made sense to me bc at a time when people kept saying it to me, it honestly felt like a slap in the face. i did a gap year after high school and academically it did nothing for me. i just spent a year abroad. so, people back home didn't see why i'd do that. and when i came back i was a different person. a year of not having to achieve things constantly, of taking away the pressure to prove myself so that i could finally get to know who i really am changed my entire perspective on life. if anything, i had won time, just because i was finally living a fuller life.

the time we spend in funks, is time our body asks of us to rest. it's a fog that sets, that can be incredibly frustrating and hard to get through, but eventually it lifts, and we feel better. think of it as a hibernation - when a bear reemerges after the winter, he's also ready to live a beautiful full life.

so, kind anon, i don't know if that helps you in any way, but apparently i had a lot to say about this lmao

and then i haven't even gotten started about the notion of lost potential bc i can write a book on that i think

#sorry for the delay!! the spotify wrapped chaos dropped hahaha #kind anon

[spikeinthepunch]

your cryptoalia post about vehicles is interesting! I love seeing how people world build like this, with such freedom and then where they end up. From my personal experience, something is missing for me though - bikes! I couldn't imagine a world without that kind of easy personal short range vehicle, so I'm interested whether you have considered it all.

Another thing that stood out for me is "work" vehicles like garbage trucks or tractors for field work. How does that work?

I'm asking because I find it fun to talk about this stuff but please tell me to fuck off if I'm bothering you lol

thank you! and im am so glad to have anyone ask further about the ideas! honestly it helps me further develop, since i dont always think about certain questions people would have on the outside. its good to bounce off others when they question things i just dont think of.

very good to question non-motorized vehicles like bikes, so much of my world has been built around a mysterious "energy source". the world basically relies on this energy source for everyday functions and it is known to be 100% reliable, and generally not questioned to use things outside of it due to convenience.

buuut its not like things like pushed skooters and pedal bikes havent existed (the influence on human history would not have been old enough to stop that from existing)-- rather they likely fell out of style greatly because of the convenience of electric vehicles. still, thats not to say theyre gone i think. people have interest in vintage history, or some may want to do something outside of the "system". overall, motorcycles are likely the only thing you'll find if you were to try and buy a "bike" and even then it'd be locked into the digital system tracking all tethered vehicles. so to consider something powered by your body would be to deny the ease of current life, and that could lead to be further thinking about those who dont want to follow the near utopia like system-- but. back to vehicles

body powered things like that, may have more levels of strictness in certain areas. because for our main setting (the most strict of places as Elias oversees it directly) tracking tethered vehicles and the way theyre used is important- hacking it, going off road in specific areas, etc result in fines or potentially jail time depending on what youre doing. body powered vehicles like bicycles cant be tracked.... so, thats a problem. most people would wonder why tf youre using something body powered anyways because energy powered bikes are so much easier, mostly when they put you on a track you can just follow with ease! i wouldnt say youd get thrown in jail just for having one lol- youre allowed to indulge in them and say theyre hobbies- and youre allowed to ride them on the tracks provided-- but like anyone else youd be greatly fined for doing something already considered illegal, but maybe with the added consequence of it being taken away from you too.

onto other things though- yes, i didnt really specify other kinds of work vehicles (was on my mind but didnt think to elaborate).

all kinds of work vehicles- like for construction, mail, garbage etc work a bit differently in order to conserve on space. those vehicles as we know are big, and the world has become very tight due to the lack of parking lots and roads.

Garbage trucks dont exactly exist in the same way and are entirely automated- not run by people. for ease of access these automated garbage trucks follow a specific invisible track in order to reach all households and trash containers. they aren't "untethered" in a traditional sense, because they are automated and their paths are predetermined. trash is gathered in specific areas/containers, which is where the garbage truck picks it up.

mail is also automated entirely (but post offices exist still) in a similar fashion as garbage trucks.

for things like.. forklifts, cranes, etc etc- a lot of the time, these vehicles are also automated to come degree, with users actually managing them outside of the vehicle itself (in an office/building where the company owns it). why? think of it this way-- the cities have become very compact in order to fit everything into it. the tracks for subways/trains and individual vehicles take up a lot less space which means more buildings. more buildings and way less roads means everything squashed together. when something needs to be built or taken down in such an area, precision it key and so is making your vehicles super small in order to actually work. Too small and skinny to want to put a person into it- it costs more, it can be dangerous, etc...!

theres probably more i could expand on in this department too-- as work related vehicles turns me to... farming etc... is that automated too? to some level, again yeah. its not to say those kinds of labor jobs dont exist in this world- i am heavily focusing on the current setting which is probably the most "advanced" in this regard, while other countries may not do everything this way because of money/scale/etc. Cryptolalia's world is... supposed to come off like a "utopia" where things are "easy and safe" even if a little strict in places, but often places that dont matter much to those who live there. lots of jobs are admittedly, office jobs... management, organization, political, etc with lots of labor falling out of style unless someone has a passion for it. but that will be a blog post for another day unless anyone is curious about something specific lol.

#vehicles #transportation #world building #cryptolalia

[gnosisjj2]

Declaration of the Free Gift

What is Salvation?

Salvation, in its most basic sense, is this: Jesus Christ, the son of God, came down from the throne of glory in the likeness of sinful flesh, yet lived a sinless life, and gave Himself on the cross as a sacrifice for the sin of the whole world. We owe our blood to God for sinning against Him, yet Jesus offered His blood instead (Eph. 1:7). Then, after being in the tomb three days, He rose from the dead and ascended up into heaven to sit at the right hand of the throne of God. The blood of Jesus Christ is now and forever will be the only payment for sin.

Who is Jesus?

So who is Jesus, really? Lion of the Tribe of Judah, Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Son of God, Son of Man, Messiah, Savior… Jesus has many names, but the one I like to use most often is God. In the book of Ezekiel, the messiah is prophesied to be four different things in one. He will be a man, a servant, a king, and God.(Ezek. 1:10) When Jesus came on the earth, God’s people were looking for the God king, but got the servant man. Jesus, the man, humbled himself as a servant to God. Jesus was king, having all authority over unclean spirits and dominion over nature, and was God, having been born of the spirit of God and one with God in unity. Jesus said to be one, even as He and God are one.(John 17:21) So he and the father are unified into one entity. So did God leave heaven to dwell on earth? No, God fills heaven and earth!(Jer. 23:24) So did good Jesus come to save us from bad God? Of course not! It was God himself who died on a cross for our sins.

Who Are We?

So now we understand that Jesus and God are the same, so who and what are we? Without the freedom of Christ, we are slaves to sin. “whosoever you yield yourself servant to obey, his servant you are to whom you obey.”(Rom. 6:16) So being obedient to our sinful nature, and not to the will of God, we are servants to sin. God said that “the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”(Rom. 6:23) So being sinners, our just reward is death. Now, we don’t see our reward yet, because you don’t receive your wages as you work. But a payday is coming. Jesus Christ, having never sinned, took the reward we deserved, death, and gave us the reward he deserved, eternal life.

What is Being Born Again?

Jesus told Nicodemus that he could not see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.(John 3:3) It was a troubling thought for Nicodemus as he asks, “how can a man leave a second time out of his mother’s womb?”(John 3:4) Confessing with your mouth that Jesus Christ died for your sins and rose again is simply not enough. God sees our hearts. You can confess Jesus with your mouth, and deny Him with your heart.(Matt. 7:21-23) God said that He “stands at the door and knocks.”(Rev. 3:20) You can yell to someone knocking to come inside, but never unlock the door for them. Jesus will not pick the lock and barge in. No, He must be invited in! So then how do we accept Christ with our hearts? The key is surrender. The key is allowing Him inside. Can’t find a way to do it? Great! God said if you ask for bread He would not give you a stone.(Matt. 7:7-10) Humble yourself down and tell God that you want Him to enter into your heart.

What is Truth?

Truth is a word not used often in Christian society, except in one instance, “nobody has all truth.” Not so! Jesus Christ Himself said, “I am the way, the truth and the life.”(John 14:6) In fact, the only way to really worship Him is “in spirit and in truth.”(John 4:24) Is God so far away that we cannot ask Him for truth? No, He is near to us, and always hears our prayers. So in this society, we convene among ourselves, interpret the bible to the best of our knowledge, and decide what God was saying with this scripture or that scripture. Did those people spend hours humbling themselves down, seeking the Lord, and not leaving their prayer room until they got an answer from God himself, or did they settle with what seemed most right to them? Some people say that there is no real truth. What I would like to ask them is, “what is the answer to two plus two?” Can it equal many different things depending on how you look at it? Can everyone be right no matter what they say the answer is, because after all, we all have our opinions and nobody’s opinion is better than another’s? Or is the answer four, regardless of what anyone else says about it? Jesus Christ has all truth and is all truth.

What is the Holy Ghost?

Jesus said that He would send a comforter(John 14:16-18), that would lead us and guide us into all truth.(John 16:13) The Holy Ghost. God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost are no different one from another , just as someone who is a baker, a father, and a husband is not three different people. Even further, that baker may stop baking at home, but never stops being a baker, and may not be around his spouse or children at work, but never stops being a husband and father. Many people believe that the Holy Ghost and the gifts of the Holy Ghost are not for today. The bible tells us that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”(Heb. 13:8) So what He did in the early church, He will still do today. Again it says, “I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh.”(Joel 2:28) So we have a way to find the real truth of the word of God, and it is through the Holy Ghost of God leading us to it.

Why Read the Bible?

The Bible is the very word of God, and not only that, but God Himself. “In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God.”(John 1:1) Secondly, Jesus Christ is the word of God. “The word was made flesh, and dwelt among us.”(John 1:14) Jesus said that if you do not eat His flesh and drink His blood you have no part in Him.(John 6:53-56) So when we read the word of God, we are really fellowshipping with Jesus Christ Himself. God said that “all scripture is given by inspiration of God,”(2 Tim. 3:16-17) and in another place that the scriptures are not of any private interpretation. (2 Peter 1:20) The Holy Ghost must interpret the bible for us, not our own thinking. God said “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.”(Matt. 24:35) What good news! Though everything else we can stand on will crumble underfoot, we can stand on the word of God which endures forever.

Where to go?

So where do we go from here? There are so many different denominations all preaching different things, but why? Should we stay away from church forever because nobody seems to agree on what God is saying in the scriptures? The word of God says that the ministry is given for the edifying of the body and the perfecting of the holy ones.(Eph. 4:11-13) And again, how can someone hear unless there is a preacher? And how can someone preach unless he is sent?(Rom. 10:14-15) Ah, that word, sent, seems to be the key, doesn’t it? We have a great many preachers ordained by bible schools, but how many are ordained of God? Sadly, not enough. So we need the ministry, yet nobody seems to speak the same thing. Do we just go to the church of our choice? The solution is to let God decide. The children of God are led by the spirit of God.(Rom. 8:14) So, if you seek the Lord, and trust Him to lead you, He will. It may not be pretty, it may not be the biggest church or have ten thousand members, but if God Himself speaks through the pulpit, it is where you want to be. The bible says that God is a shepherd, and we are His sheep. It says that His sheep will know His voice, and a stranger’s voice they will not follow.(John 10:4-5) We can learn His voice, and know it is Him when He speaks! How is this done? If you spend enough time with somebody, you can spot their voice out of a crowd of chattering people.

What to Know

There are a few very important things that God would have you know. First, salvation comes by grace, not of works.(Eph. 2:8) It is the free gift of God, and comes through the blood of Jesus Christ washing us clean of our sins. Salvation cannot be bargained for, bought, or taken. It must be received by faith. Second, Jesus Christ isn’t a God far away from you, that looks in from time to time, but a God near to your heart.(James 4:8) God loves you, and wants you to love him back. It isn’t enough to serve God as your Christian duty or obligation, because he wants a relationship with you. When you are in love with someone it becomes a joy to do things for them. It changes from a burden to a privilege. When Jesus was on the cross, He was thinking of you. He knew that you could not make it without Him, and so out of a great love He shed His blood for you. Yes, that blood and those tears were shed for you. Third, Jesus said that He was to be the first among many brethren.(Rom. 8:29) God wants to adopt us as sons and daughters.(Rom. 8:15) What we know about children is that they take on the traits of their parents, and just as that is true, God wants to change our hearts and transform our minds to think, act, and love like He does. The bible tells us that we will be joint heirs with Christ(Rom. 8:17). His inheritance is eternal life and peace, and so is ours.

What is God’s Plan for the Church?

God said that He will have a perfect church. No divisions, no lies, nothing other than truth.(Eph. 5:27) Jesus said, “be ye therefore perfect, even as your father which is in heaven is perfect.”(Matt. 5:48) Well, He can’t really mean perfect, can He? Perfect, without sin, completely obedient to God. Can we do it? Absolutely not. Now we are faced with a contradiction, aren’t we? No matter how you slice it, that was a commandment from God. But don’t be discouraged! Let’s go further into being born again. What does God birth inside someone that is born again? What really takes place inside of them? An incorruptible seed, perfect, enters into a born again believer.(1 Peter 1:23) Jesus Christ, that seed, indwelling a believer, is absolutely perfect.(Eph. 3:16-19) Now that’s good news! I heard a preacher on the radio speak from and quote a scripture from John, “if you love me, keep my commandments.”(John 14:15)(John 14:21) I was awaiting the explanation, but it never came. If you love Him, you WILL keep His commandments, but not because you try hard enough and finally after years of toil succeed, but because that perfect seed, if watered, will grow. So, if denied the proper nutrients, can a baby die? Yes it can, and the same can happen with that seed. Without taking root, without finding water, it can die. The bible says that “he that shall endure to the end, the same shall be saved.”(Matt. 24:13) So it isn’t the beginning that is important, but the end. Did we fight a good fight? Did we hold fast the faith? God’s plan is that eventually, that righteous seed inside of the believer will grow so strong that when faced with temptation or sin, the spirit of God inside will overpower the wants of the sinful flesh, because that spirit cannot sin. We can stifle it, override it, and say no to it, but if it is there inside of us, it will prick our hearts and convict us of our sin. So, how do we keep this seed alive? You feed it! But do we feed it just any old thing, or what will really strengthen it? Do we let ourselves be satisfied with lies, half-truths and compromises, or do we feed it the absolute truth of the word of God and honest, real time with a God who loves us? There is a depth of relationship and love and peace that we have never known waiting for us in Christ.

So friend, give your heart to Christ, for He gave His for you.

[miamoo27]

Before I do anything I need to write this

This weekend "it" started again. I felt the guilt come on of not wanting to spend time with my family or anyone. It isnt that I dont like people, I spend time with people all week. At work, school and home I am constantly having to deal with others energies. I need a break most weekends from the constant rush of the week days. I liked to use the weekends to do work, smoke, crochet, watch tv and rest. But it seems whenever my mother or father is around it is hard to relax. I am sitting her exhausted from forcing myself to look "happy" for my mom when there is 10000 things on my mind and the only thing I want to do is be alone and smoke and vibe. By myself. I dont know if it is healthy but my energy is depleted. It is the constant need my mom has for me to be around her and my pressure I put on myself to give her the attention.

Our personalities clash. All of this is very hard for me to admit or write down. I have no excuse anymore my mother is a good person. It used to be her drinking so i didnt mind saying anything negative. But now I feel like shit. But I have to remember my feelings and these journals are anonymous.

My mother came from an Italian catholic family. Stranegly enough her mother was really successful and work herself to get a good job and go to get a PHD as an immigrant. Her father was um machismo, racist. I love my grandparents but its the truth. For some reason my mom never like questioned that her parents had negative world-views. I get it was a different time but my mom grew up in the 70s so it isnt that insane for her to question her parents values. But instead she let her parents values of gender, race and class affect her. They brainwashed her and she never had the freedom to question it. Despite my mom being similiar to her parents in that regard. I feel the complete opposite and knowing who I am now I always questionsed everything my parents, teachers or society told me. It was just in my nature.

My moms parents were mean to her as well. Throwing degrating comments at her like "shes a broad" "shes bigger" "You arent good at art." The last one shocks me, my uncle told me they told her that after she came home and asked my grandma why she never puts her paintings on the wall "Because your no good." Who knows if thats true. When I brought it up to my mom she didnt answer. I cant believe the grandmother that basically raised me acted like this. But I even questioned her.

Who knows I dont know if this is just her. Because similiar to my brother I know why her parents (mom) maybe had ill feelings about her or were testing her. My father likes me more. I know thats hard to admit. He loves all his kids I know that. But he likes certain ones in particular, espically the struggled story ones and the fighters.

My father worked insanely hard to get where he is. I can confidently say my dad is smart. Hes intelligent in a different way then i am but he works his ass off. I work my ass off. He struggled because of money I struggled beacause of my learning disability we both struggled and made it out successful. My father watched me year after year fight for my education and never stopped supporting me. I know I annoy him piss him off but I cant deny that I love my dad. Even the times when I wanted to never speak to him again after cheating on mom, drinking with her and being a poor husband. Which affected him as a dad he was not here. But he always managed to stick up for me. And call me out on bs.

So when he believed me when I said I got accepted to FDU. EVen though I got into the interview. I wanted to cry. My dad who usually only believes me when I am telling the truth is sticking up for me when I lied because I am embarrassed that I did not get in anywhere and did not apply to montclair. I hate it. I am so mad. I am so confused. I worked so fucking hard and I know how this work I know life is not fair but I worked so hard I earned this I got so many punches I need a win.'

Also i feel weird I lied. I know when I am lying. I been in therapy long enough. I just want to make evryone proud. Think I can do something like go to grad school. But is it really what I want? Do I really want to be in jersey? I have so many terrible memories here. I dont want to be around Nick or Andrys. I dont want to be around everyone thats done me wrong. Not that they are the only reason I need to go. ASAP.

I know I can do more than this I feel it. I am not content. Thats my issue I relax but feel fire in me. Maybe I am a sag. I have a restless fire alway even if I am upset. The only time it rests is if I am sick.

My blood pressure was high again. I know why I am a mess I am nervous without me knowing it anymore. I dont feel it as much. All the lexapro and adderall drowned me out to not even being aware of my own anxieties and issues. I think of smoking weed all the time. I hit my juul and drink coffee excessively even right now. I put on a happy face genuinely think positively but I am so aware it hurt me. I get bored so easly I stay away from people. I bask in my addictions and pleasures. I am fearful still of someone leaving. I have been hurt so I would rather be alone. I am not depressed but I am aware of life. I accept it but then I move restlessly about. THinking all the time. My mind does not stop.

I won though. I won when I told myself today I am going to do what I want. NOt what will make my family happy. Or what I want to do in order to make them proud. But to actually do what I want. I dont know what that is yet but I am planning on figuring it out at some point.

[fruitcoops]

Hi, Eve

Rose here from yesterday, thank you very much for the Birthday message, I wasn't expecting you to read it let alone reply but I was looking for Coops kids Birthday fluff specifically. It doesn't matter if you don't have time however as I don't want to be a bother.

Hello Rose, and happy (belated) 20th birthday! Sorry for the wait--I really wanted to get this one right to celebrate such an important number. I hope your day was absolutely fantastic! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, but Stella is an OC

Combined with asks for Sirius lightly making fun of Remus' accent and Remus yelling at a game show (@nazar4114)

“Medusa!” Stella shouted with all the force in her thirteen-year-old lungs. Remus leaned forward on the couch. “Medusa!”

The front door opened with a creak. “I’m h—”

“Yes!” they cheered in unison as Nicole answered correctly. Remus turned and gave Stella a double high-five, feeling his heart squeeze at the vivid joy on her round face. “Good guess.”

“I knew she was gonna get it,” Stella said with a pump of her fist as she turned back to the show and folded her legs underneath her.

“Gonna,” a familiar deep voice mimicked from the doorway. Paper bags rustled before footsteps stopped behind the couch; Remus tilted his chin up without sparing a glance, and Sirius pressed a laugh-laced kiss to his cheek before dropping one on Stella’s head as well. “You sound too much like your dad.”

“Love you, too,” Remus said wryly.

“I’ll take ‘Myths and Moths’ for 400, please.” Nicole’s voice snapped his attention back to the screen, and Stella narrowed her eyes.

“Daily Double!” the automated voice announced. Stella gasped; Remus bit his lower lip. “This mythical shield was wielded by Athena, and is sometimes said to be made of goat skin.”

“Aegis,” Stella whispered, then raised her voice. “It’s the Aegis, Nicole. You know this.”

“We know you do,” Remus said, scooting forward. “You just guessed whose head is on it.”

Nicole’s buzzer went off with two seconds to spare. “What is the Aegis?”

“Hell yeah!” Stella whooped.

Remus turned to her and raised his eyebrows. “Excuse you.”

“Sorry.”

“Are you two going to do this the whole afternoon?” Sirius asked from the kitchen, obviously amused. “We might need to get the neighbors some noise-cancelling headphones.”

Stella blew a dark lock of hair out of her eyes as she flopped her head back. “It’s almost final Jeopardy, papa. We have, like, ten minutes.”

Sirius blinked at her, then shook his head. “I swear you two share genes.”

“Ope, you caught me,” Remus said over the noise of the commercial break. “When I was 20 and had literally never left Wisconsin, I went and had a secret kid in Maine who looks terribly like you just so that someone would watch Jeopardy reruns with me thirteen years later. Oops.”

“It’s the truth,” Stella said with great gravity. “I remember.”

“Mon dieu,” Sirius muttered, though he couldn’t keep a smile down. He had never been able to hide around Stella, not once in the three years since they had adopted her. It was one of the things Remus loved most about him. “By the way, nobody under the age of fourteen is allowed in the kitchen for the next…hour. Ish.”

Stella squirmed around until she could rest her arms on the back of the couch. “What if I get thirsty?”

“I’m sure you can invoke birthday privileges and ask your dad to get something for you.”

“Birthday privileges?” Remus scoffed. “Nobody in this house has a birthday today. Yours was last month, and mine’s in March.”

“It’s my birthday,” Stella said.

“What? No, it’s not.”

“Yeah-huh.”

“Your birthday is in June.”

“It’s today.”

“Or maybe July?”

“It’s today, in December, when there’s snow,” she insisted, throwing herself back against the pillows. “Come on, dad, that’s not funny anymore.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Is somebody too old to find their poor old dad amusing now? Can you go back to being twelve so somebody will laugh at my jokes again? I know, I know, we're super lame compared to all your friends’ parents—”

“So lame,” Sirius agreed from the kitchen.

“—but I like to think we get one more year of pre-teen cuteness before the teen angst takes over.”

Stella sat up again with a groan. Looking at her, Remus saw a mix of himself and Sirius that had always baffled him, considering they had adopted her comparatively late in her life; beneath it was something uniquely Stella. Maybe it was her double-jointed elbows, or the board-straightness of her hair next to their curls, but there was no mistaking that she was her own person through and through. He loved that about her. “I’m not going to be a terrible teenager.”

Sirius poked his head around the edge of the kitchen—his nose was adorned with a smudge of flour. “Can I record that for future use?”

“Non.”

“Ooo, using the French,” Remus hissed. “That transformation is already beginning.”

“It’s not like you were bad teenagers, right?” She settled upside-down on the couch with her flamingo-patterned socks high in the air.

“I almost convinced Grandma to let me dye my hair blue, but otherwise I was pretty good.”

“I was terrible,” Sirius laughed. “I didn’t talk to anybody for a solid three years.”

Stella frowned. “How? I think I’d die if I did that.”

“He’s stubborn,” Remus stage-whispered.

“I heard that.”

Stella suppressed her laughter as best she could, but she was about as good at hiding her emotions around them as Sirius was. She didn’t really giggle—the amount her voice had deepened over the past three years always gave Remus whiplash—but her laugh had the same cadence as it did the first day they heard it. While Stella had been quiet at first, it only took love and time to bring her out of her shell. Within a year she settled into their lives like she was always meant to be there.

A thoughtful look crossed her face. “This is my last year before high school.”

“Does it feel different?”

“Not really.” She paused, then shrugged. “And a little. I don’t feel older. It just feels like there’s stuff I won’t get to do anymore.”

“And a lot more you will get to do.” Sirius left his dishtowel on the counter before joining them on Stella’s other side. “You can drive soon, you’ll get a longer curfew, you get more freedom…”

“I guess.”

“What are you going to miss?” Remus asked as she toyed with the hem of her shirt. It was a basic Lions FAN jersey; he was fairly sure she bought it to be ironic. That, and she only wore one of theirs if she was upset with the other, or if one needed a boost at a game.

“I dunno.” A few beats of silence passed. “My classmates. My team. It feels like everything’s going to turn upside down.”

“You can still keep in touch with your friends, and I bet your team won’t be too different,” Sirius said quietly. “Even if it does, that doesn’t mean you have to give all of them up. People change in different ways. They come and go on their own time.”

“There’s going to be a lot of upside-downs over the next couple years, kid.” Remus offered her a smile. “But you’re going to be just fine.”

“You two sound like such dads right now.”

“This might shock you, but that’s because we are.”

The corner of her mouth tugged up and she lolled her head to the side to look at Sirius. “Is the cake done?”

“Fifteen more minutes.”

“Will you watch final Jeopardy with us?”

“What’s the category?”

“US Presidents.”

Sirius exhaled through his nose, but nodded. She grinned and turned herself upright to snuggle against his arm. “You just enjoy watching me lose.”

---------------------------

“Alright, is everyone ready?” Sirius called from the kitchen.

“On three,” Remus said, raising his phone camera. “One, two, three!”

“Happy birthday to you,” over a dozen voices sang. They were off-tempo and so out of key the composer was probably spinning in his grave, but Stella’s clear joy didn’t waver for a millisecond even as her cheeks reddened. “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Stella, happy birthday to you!”

Finn, of course, dragged out the last note. So did Leo, Logan, Kasey, James, Lily, and Talker in varying degrees of awful harmony attempts. It was terrible, and beautiful. “Make a wish,” Sirius said softly as he set the cake down and stepped back. His eyes were the brightest quicksilver Remus had seen in many moons.

Stella closed her eyes, took a breath, and blew as hard as she could—the entire room erupted into cheers when all the candles went out. She was laughing and blushing at the same time when Remus turned the lights back on, though the humor won out in the end and she helped pass plates of cake to her many aunts and uncles. Like every year prior, Regulus managed to smear a bit of frosting on her chin, only to immediately deny it with great offense when she noticed. It was becoming a bit of a tradition—one that Remus never grew tired of.

I know what I would wish for, Remus thought as he looked around the table at their patchwork family. Celeste, Dumo, and his own parents had no doubt spoiled their first grandchild with ‘cusp of adulthood’ gifts, and Natalie and Lily would certainly steal her away after cake for some girl time. Finn and Logan would remain the fun uncles while Leo and Regulus kept their thrones as the cool uncles; Stella would interrogate Jules on the intricacies of high school for at least an hour before they destroyed everyone in a snowball fight. The world they built together had a place for everyone.

I would wish for this. This, for us, forever. It wasn’t a bad eternity to imagine.

#remus lupin #sirius black #coops #coops kid #stella #lions #regulus black #my fic #fanfic #sweater weather #vaincre #lumosinlove #birthday party

[eligaxy]

Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact scenario #venti x reader #venti x traveler #venti x lumine #venti x aether #el writes♡

[neoculturetravesty]

We met in online class - Part 6

Image adapted from here.

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, some fluff, lots of angst in this part Warnings: Strong language, descriptions of stress and anxiety, fist fight Word Count: 7.7k

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | You are on Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Last Part

A/N: Buckle up for some angst.

They say when it rains, it pours and Renjun was about to learn the true meaning of this expression.

Throughout his college life, Renjun had heard his share of praise from his professors who would tell him that he was gifted in a way not many artists were. But now that the career drives and job fairs had begun, Renjun learnt that at best, he was average. In the real world, he wasn’t ‘golden hands’ or gifted or anything like it--he was just one in a line of millions. Because in the bigger picture, Renjun’s competition was not just people in his school; he was competing with even better artists from even better universities that had even better skills and even better means. His design professor had very plainly told the class one day that out of all of them, maybe one or two would ‘make it’ in the real world, if they got lucky. So Renjun knew that if had to shut up anyone who ever doubted him, compete with the best and place anywhere solid by the time he graduated, he needed to land a stellar internship.

Not that his current internship was going any better. Renjun learnt that even small studios were a handful and that an internship basically meant being an errand boy. When he had taken on the job, he had fantasized about meeting exciting artists and maybe even helping the chief curate his best work yet. But more often than not, he found that he was sweeping the place down, and if he got lucky, he got to make a few calls to potential clients (who would yell at him before hanging up). 

And of course, like any self-respecting college that thrived on the student body’s mental health deterioration, the professors weren’t going any easier on the projects, even with the impending exams. 

On top of everything that was happening, Renjun had developed a constant tension in his neck and shoulders. Jaemin reckoned it was because Renjun was hunched over his paintings all the time as he followed the perfect lighting all over the apartment. You, on the other hand, reckoned it was because of all the stress.

“You’re just carrying a lot of anxiety on these gangster shoulders, Huang Renjun.” you had said as you kneaded your knuckles into his hurt one day as you brought him food. Lately, you had taken it upon yourself to make sure that Renjun was eating and staying hydrated through these pressure cooker times. Because when he was left to his own devices, eating would be pretty low on his priority list, simply because he did not have the time for meals. So you’d bring him a snack any time you saw him on campus, and when you didn’t see him, you’d get something delivered to him and if you couldn’t, you’d text him a reminder to eat. But as one would have it during end-of-semester madness, Renjun had received your food more than your company. Because truth be told, you were just as occupied.

Renjun hadn’t seen enough of you in what he was sure was now going to be a good two weeks running because you had way too much on your plate as well. Like Renjun, you too were swarmed by assignments and exams. But other than that, any time he did see you, you were ‘interview dressed’ for all the on-campus drives that were happening in your department. Renjun had come to wish you good luck on one of them and had seen how distracted you looked because apparently, you had pulled some all-nighters to prepare for this. Donghyuck had been the one to tell Renjun about this little bit. 

Because when you weren’t studying or giving interviews or working on projects, you were preparing to throw an end-of-semester party with Donghyuck. He had to admit, there had been moments where Renjun had been irritated that Donghyuck would know more about what was happening in your life than did he. But then again, who was to blame for that?

Renjun knew it was no one’s fault but his own. Because that’s the dumb precedent he had set from the very beginning--that he wouldn’t get too close. He was paying that price for it because somewhere along the way, you had begun to confide in Donghyuck more than in Renjun, though this development was gradual and subconscious. He supposed that since you had met him, some part of you had learnt that she was walking into a wall anytime things got deep with Renjun. And there are only so many times that people were willing to walk into walls before they learnt their lesson.

Renjun knew that you were always ready to provide emotional support. But he also saw that when you were the one that needed it, you were subconsciously turning to Donghyuck rather than to him. 

And because you weren’t doing so consciously, Renjun couldn’t even be upset with you. Who was he to be upset with you over it in the first place? He had spent all those weeks skillfully blocking you. So, just because he had changed his mind now didn’t mean that he could earn your vents right away. It would take some effort on his part and he acknowledged that.

But it wasn’t you hanging out with Donghyuck that bothered him. It was someone else.

Wong Hendery, it appeared, was always around you these days and for some reason, that really bothered Renjun. You had a lot of friends. You were just the kind of person who made friends wherever you went. His own friends were an example. Lately, any time he ran into his roommates in the living room or kitchen (since all of them were buried in work otherwise), they would inquire about you instead of him. You just made a lot of friends and that was a fact of life that Renjun lived with. And whilst so far, Renjun had been okay with all of them, he had no idea why seeing Wong Hendery around you made him feel some type of way. 

And in the strangest turn of events, he had even found himself subtly voicing this to you a couple of times. It had bothered him even more that you had never taken him seriously any time he brought it up. You had either been distracted or disinterested whenever this came up. Or perhaps you had very tactfully been avoiding the subject. You weren’t exactly the scheming type, so Renjun was sure it wasn’t that. All he knew was that at the end of it, he would just end up feeling stupid, because, well… it was a stupid, baseless feeling to have, whatever this was.

All in all, Renjun couldn’t tell what matter it was from the pillage that kept his mood sour these days. His failure in the job fairs, his increasing workload, the impending exams, his lackluster internship, or something else. He recognized that a big part of it had to do with not seeing you enough. He wasn’t going to be the idiot that denied that anymore. Since the party at your parent’s house, he hadn’t had a moment with you where it was just the two of you and you could talk about… well, the two of you. Not seeing you enough was making him sour, he knew that. However, not seeing you enough combined with the fact that Wong Hendery was around you all the time was probably pretty up there as a reason for his bad moods. 

The only upside in the end-of-semester times was that the damn virus seemed to be under control. Students could now more freely move about and a lot more cafes and parks had reopened. So, at the very least, Renjun could get a change of scenery whilst he painted or studied because he was getting tired of his apartment and the library and the damn studio. 

Today, he had just grabbed his things and sent you a very persuasive text, because really, enough was enough. Yes, you were both very busy. Yes, you didn’t have any time today. But you could at least give him one study date out in the sun, and finally, for the first time in two weeks, he had felt that happiness in his chest when you told him you’d come.

The two of you sat by the river as Renjun sketched and made notes and you typed away on your laptop. Your hair was done up in a bun and you wore the campus hoodie and you didn’t even look up from your work when Renjun leaned over to feed you some rice. It had made Renjun smile. You looked like every boy’s fantasy of a college girlfriend but thinking about it also made his heart a tiny bit heavy. Because after all this time, the two of you still hadn’t had that conversation. Come to think of it, the two of you hadn’t even kissed ever since that afternoon in the strawberry fields. And maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t sat with you like this in a couple of weeks, or maybe it was seeing you share your time with other people. But Renjun felt that he had to address the some elephant in the room sooner rather than later. Because he didn’t want a some relationship any longer. He wanted more.

“No one’s going to be happier than me when this semester is over.” you mutter as you chew onto whatever Renjun had fed you.

“You and me both. Let’s celebrate our freedom together when it ends.” Renjun suggests as he sits up to stretch his neck. 

“Done deal.” You look up from your laptop to give him a fist bump.

“Hey, I was thinking…” Renjun hesitates. “Let’s go somewhere together. After the semester is over.” He feels butterflies in his stomach even as he asks you that. And he knows why. Because this is the first time he’s asking you for a real date, where he wants to take you out for your company, no opportunistic strings attached. But also, he wants to take you away from everyone else where he would have all of your attention and he could finally tell you how he really feels.

You smile as you shuffle your notes. “Where do you wanna go?”

“Anywhere. We could go to the beach and go mudflat fishing. If that’s not your thing, we could go camping instead.”

You finally look at him and smile an undistracted, attentive smile. “I’d like that.”

Renjun looks at you softly as he returns your smile. “My exams end before yours. Let’s go right after your last exam.”

“Oh, I can’t go then.” You say, shaking your head quickly.

“Why?”

“Haechan and I are hosting the end-of-semester, remember?” you remind him and Renjun holds himself back before he could exhale over ‘Haechan and I’.

“Okay, how about the day after?” Renjun asks.

“I can’t go then, either. Hendery and I have to go visit the tower.” you tell him.

This time, Renjun can’t hold back. Because ‘Hendery and I’ was way, way worse than ‘Haechan and I’. Before he could stop himself, he finds himself commenting

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Wong Hendery, huh?” he hadn’t meant for that hint of accusation to lace his tone, but it had come out that way.

“Ughhhh, tell me about it. He says he’d basically be happy never seeing me again once all of this is over.” you say as you steal his bowl of rice and begin stuffing your face. Renjun feels that irritation again because as always, you seem to be blowing this topic off. But for some reason, he doesn’t want to let it go today.

“I just don’t trust him.” Renjun says and he finds himself clenching his jaw a little.

You look at him from above the rice and smile amusedly. “Why though? He’s a cool dude.”

“I don’t know. There’s just something about him. I just… I don’t know, I guess it’s a guy’s instinct.” he says, and like anytime he has brought up this subject before, he’s feeling incredibly dumb.

You raise an eyebrow and look away from him. You don’t seem very impressed by the comment. “Nah, he’s super cool and all of that. You can meet him if you like.” you say in a tone that is way too nonchalant for Renjun’s liking. 

He had met him before, of course. But he didn’t know Wong Hendery even if he did know Wong Hendery. So how could he tell you that the man was bad news based on just a feeling? ‘He’s using you! Why don’t you see that he’s using you!’ Renjun wanted to yell at you. But he says something else. 

“Just, like… I don’t know. He just seems mysterious and unsharing.” Renjun tries to explain.

“So are you.”

There is a moment of silence as Renjun feels a sting and you look at him with no expression. 

You were right. 

Renjun hadn’t shared anything about himself with you. The things you knew about him was information you had probably collected through his friends. The only time he had really opened up to you was that one night in his room. Suddenly, more than irritation, he feels angry with himself. 

What a stupid, stupid, stupid idea it had been to set those dumbass rules with you. How had he expected it would pan out? How did he think he could use you as a means to an end, but not learn anything about you or give away anything about himself? He hadn’t thought this through at all. Then again, he hadn’t expected for it to go on this long; and he most certainly hadn’t expected that he would end up falling for you.

“I just… I don’t trust him around you.” Renjun admits and this time, he has the decency to sound a little ashamed.

“I know how to take care of myself, Renjun.” you tell him quietly.

Renjun looks away because for the first time since he’s known you, you’ve spoken to him that way. He wants to scream and pull his hair because no. You don’t. You don’t know how to take care of yourself. How could he tell you that you weren’t the best judge of character? How could he tell you that you allowed people around you to take advantage of you? 

‘It’s why you’re sitting here with me’ Renjun thinks with another sting. He knew Hendery was up to no good with you because he himself had been one of those people that used you for their own gain. He had used your kind heart and your willingness to see the good in people for his own stupid plan. The stupid, dumbass, flawed plan that he hadn’t thought through in the slightest. He had thought he had, because Renjun always assumed he was smarter than everyone in any room. That was probably his dumbest yet most defining trait; as kindheartedness was yours.

As if to add insult to injury, your phone rings and Wong Hendery’s name shines cockily onto your screen, mocking Renjun in all its glory.

“Hey, are you here?” you say as you pick up. You look around till you spot him and wave at him “Okay, coming!”

Renjun looks to where you had signaled and sees Hendery in his bigass car. He notices Renjun looking, waves at him and smiles. 

Renjun’s eyes close and he takes in a deep breath as you begin collecting your things. He doesn’t know why he’s being this way. He had been jealous before; he was an openly bitter person, that much he knew about himself. He despised every other asshole that did better than him. But this was a kind of jealousy he had never really experienced before. He wanted to protect you, but he also wanted to keep you… because now, he could feel you slipping away from him. 

“I’ll call you, okay? Make sure you eat dinner.” your voice sounds a little resigned and suddenly, Renjun feels his heart drop. It’s a strange feeling, but there it is in the pit of his stomach. Renjun realizes that the feeling really closely resembled fear. And it’s because you’re leaving like this. 

Had this been your first fight? Maybe it had. It hadn’t felt like a fight, because Renjun has fought with a lot of people before, and this was nothing like that. There was no screaming, no gaslighting, no accusations. But it was the tone you had taken with him. Like you were disappointed. Like you expected better. You had never taken that tone with him before. So as you stand up to walk away, Renjun grabs your hand. He looks up from where he sits.

“Hey…” his heart is sinking, he has this awful feeling in his chest and now he no longer knows what to say to keep you. So he brings your knuckles to his lips and presses into them for a few moments before he looks back at you. “Are we good?” He wants to kiss you, he wants to take you in his arms and kiss you and know that nothing has changed. But he knows that Wong Hendery is sitting right there and he doesn’t want you to think that he’s putting on a show of jealous, testosterone fueled possession. 

He watches as your face softens. You crouch so your face is levelled with his. You keep holding your bag that’s slung over your shoulder with one hand. With the other, you gently hold onto his cheek and lean in to press a soft kiss to his lips. 

“We’re good.” you say and you smile and then you lift back up to turn around.

Renjun watches unmoving as you walk away from him and drive off with Wong Hendery. He keeps watching till the car makes a turn and disappears from view.

Though you had told him that you were good, that sinking feeling hasn’t left his chest. Because Renjun realizes that what you had done had felt a lot like a goodbye kiss.

Renjun doesn’t get time to dwell on his aching heart too much, because soon after, exams begin. 

It is as if a lull had taken over the entire campus. Everyone around him had their heads down as they studied and slept and slept to study. Jeno and Jaemin had taken over the living room table as they crammed and kept each other awake through their all-nighters. Jisung would try to take some motivation from them but the boy had never been too fond of studying, so he’d end up asleep on the couch whilst Jeno and Jaemin took the floor. Even Donghyuck--who had insofar made it through college based on pure intelligence--could be seen bent over his notes in the library. For a week, each student on campus had a similar schedule; like someone had hit the pause button on everything else in life.

Perhaps it had been the exam stress. Perhaps it was everything that was happening culminating in Renjun’s mind, but that sinking feeling hadn’t completely dissipated from his chest. He had no way to explain what it was or why it was. But if Renjun had to describe it, it was as if a sixth sense was warning him. What the warning was about, he had no idea.

But as fate would have it, Renjun’s hardships were only beginning. Because right before his first exam, he had received a call from his mother. 

He had picked up because this had been maybe her third phone call to him this entire year. But two minutes into the call, Renjun wished he hadn’t. 

Questions were asked as if out of duty: if he was still in school, if he was still living with his friends, if he was looking for a job. And though Renjun hadn’t even asked for it--how she couldn’t send him money for the next couple of months because the Covid situation wasn’t doing any wonders for their restaurant. Although the conversation hadn’t even lasted a full 10 minutes, Renjun’s mind was fully fucked by the end of it. Why the fuck did she have to play with his head like this, just when he was about to go in for an exam? 

He shouldn’t have been surprised. His mother had a way of sensing any time her son was emotionally strained, because she would always show up right on time to add to his burden. This is how it had been most of his life. She would appear usually when Renjun was at his lowest and remind him that he was a useless fucker that nobody cared about. And because she was his mother, she knew exactly what buttons to press to positively fuck him over. 

Fuck this. None of it was fair. It wasn’t fair that she had called him after months and months. It wasn’t fair that she didn’t even want to know how he was doing. A global pandemic had turned the world upside down and she didn’t even want to know if her son was surviving through it. She just wanted to call to give him another reminder that she couldn’t take care of him. Fuck that. Fuck her. Fuck everything. Renjun didn’t need her or his father or anyone else ever again. Fuck all of it.

Renjun had hung up bitterly and that should’ve been the end of it. But for some reason, she had kept calling after that, which made Renjun throw his phone against a wall. Fuck that. She doesn’t get to call him to rub more salt to his wounds. He wasn’t going to give her that satisfaction.

It’s funny how when you’re truly feeling fucked, you tend to isolate yourself from the people who really care about you. And that’s what Renjun ended up doing following that phone call. Almost as if in self-sabotage, he started avoiding everyone and hid himself away. Because no way did anyone really need him, anyway. Renjun knew that even in his friend group, he was the one the others could do without.

Jeno and Jaemin had one another. They would babysit Jisung well enough, and when they didn’t, Jisung had Zhong Chenle. His housemates didn’t really need him, so hiding from them was easy. Lately, he had also stopped hanging out with Yangyang because he was afraid he’d run into Hendery. Lee Mark hadn’t really hung out with him ever since he joined the 127s. And Donghyuck… well, he had you. 

So even you could do without him. You had been doing just fine without him these past couple of weeks. You had still been bringing him snacks, even after that study date. But Renjun wondered if that was because of your bad, kind habit rather than anything else. Truth be told, Renjun didn’t want your snacks anymore. Because each time he got them, it reminded him that he was nothing special to you. He wasn’t any different to you than Jaemin or Jeno or Donghyuck. He was just another guy that you were kind to out of habit. Fuck that. He didn’t need your kindness, or anyone else’s. He was fine on his own.

But on the night after his last exam, he finally picked up the phone he had thrown and read his messages through his cracked phone screen. Just to see if someone missed him. As expected, no one did. But there were some messages from you.

‘Hey shoulder gangster, remember to put on pain patches before you sleep!’

‘I ordered some chicken for you guys, eat well and study well.’

‘Hey, I tried calling you. I had gotten you coffee, but I couldn’t find you so now hyuckie is drinking it.’

‘Ayo. I hope your exam went well. Sending some Chinese food over, so eat before you study!’

‘Hey, Jaemin told me your phone is busted. Idk if you’re gonna see this message, but just wanted to know you’re doing well.’

‘I tried to see you before you went in for your exam but Jeno said you had already left.’

‘Hey… I hope you’re not still upset with me. I’m gonna stop bothering you so we can both study, but I’ll come see you soon.’

‘Okay, I guess i’ll see you after exam week? Meet soon.’

That was the last of it. After that, you hadn’t sent him anything at all. Even you had stopped reaching out to him. 

It seemed that when it came down to it, no one would ever fight for Renjun. No one would want to find out why he was in hiding, or why he hadn’t replied. When worst came to worst, Renjun was always left to fend for himself. He was all alone in this world. 

Jeno and Jaemin would always know what the other was feeling without having to use the words. Neither of them had to explain to the other what was on their mind. They just… knew. When one was in trouble, the other would come running. When one was down, the other would pick him up. Neither had to ask; the other would just sense it and be there. Jisung and Chenle had a similar connection. 

But no one ever sensed Renjun’s heart. No one just knew when he was sad or upset or angry or in trouble. No one would pick him up because no one loved him enough to know his mind. No one had ever paid any real attention to him to know when he was struggling. No one had ever held his hand and taken him out of his despair. No one would even notice that he was in despair. Because he wasn’t anyone’s special anything. 

He had been hiding away for an entire week and no one had even noticed his absence. No one had called in to check on him. Because no one really needed him. Not his friends, not his family. Not even you.

They say when it rains, it pours, and Renjun was about to learn the true meaning of this phrase. Because just when he is about to put his phone away, he receives a text from his mother.

‘Renjun, I didn’t want to tell you this way. But you’re not picking up my calls. Come see me. Your father and I are getting a divorce.’

Renjun had never really been a big drinker. He’d drink some with the boys every now and then. But that was it. But tonight was an exception. Tonight, it was okay to turn to the drink. Tonight, he wanted to forget.

After the kind of day he had had, he thought that even his demons could give him a break. He felt drained. Like his mind was slowly giving up and his body was doing all the heavy lifting. Putting one foot in front of the other. Making him breathe in and out. Keeping his heart beating. It would be doing his mind a favor, drinking. His mind needed numbing, then maybe his body could follow.

He walks into the bar a broken man. And he wonders if that’s how all men are when they walk into bars. Maybe that’s why men who walk into bars make such good punchlines for jokes. He certainly felt like one. Because the people that should love him seemed to treat him like one. Who was he to think any better of himself?

He had made peace with the fact that his parents never wanted him. He had accepted that they were happy to get rid of him. Then why did he still expect their love every single time? What was it that made him go running to them any time they asked? Why had he expected that somehow visiting them would fix everything? 

Had he expected that they would sit him down and peacefully explain why they were parting ways? Of course, he hadn’t. Had he expected that his mother would cry and apologize for putting him through this? Of course, he hadn’t. Had he expected that his father would own up to his mistakes and call him his son? Of course, he hadn’t.

But he also hadn’t expected that neither of them would want anything to do with him after they parted ways. He hadn’t expected to be the collateral damage of a failed marriage that neither party was willing to own. He hadn’t expected to be summoned just so his parents could have a screaming match about whose son he’d be after they divorced. And that both would want to shift that burden to the other.

It suited them, Renjun thinks as he downs whatever the bartender had handed him. It would’ve been more unsettling to have made the trip to find something understanding and amiable. This was on-brand for them. This is how it had been since he was a child. They’d fight and Renjun would be collateral damage. This was the perfect ending to their twenty-one year old saga. Renjun had expected it.

So, why was he feeling like he had lost everything?

“Huang Renjun?” he hears a voice call out to him as if from miles away. Was he drowning? Then why did he feel like he couldn’t breathe? Why did the voices around him sound like they were coming from far away?

“Yoo Jimin.” Renjun finds himself automatically answering. He looks up and let’s his eyes focus and there he finds her. He smiles. Of course. Who else would’ve been the guest of honor in his pity party?

“What are you doing here?” she asks him and Renjun finds himself making a face.

“Drinking.” he says as he lifts up his shot glass.

“Did you follow me here?” she asks cryptically. Typical. Of course everything had to be about her.

“How would I know you’d be here?” Renjun says, looking away as he downs another shot.

“I told everyone at the party I was leaving to be here.” she says and her eyebrow is cocked as she comes closer.

“Party?” 

“Haechan’s party? All your friends were there. Weren’t you there?” she asks cautiously.

Ah, yes, the party. The end-of-semester party. Here he was, drinking his pain away. And his friends, the people who should be concerned about him were partying. It was all very fitting he supposed. This perfectly fit into everything in his life at this moment. Including the fact the Yoo Jimin had been the one to find him when he was at his lowest.

“I didn’t feel like a party.” Renjun replies.

Jimin scoffs. “Typical. Of course Huang Renjun thinks he’s above a party everyone would enjoy.”

Renjun doesn’t answer. It’s an annoying remark and part of him wonders why it is irking him so. His heart was burdened by bigger things. Perhaps his mind thought that being annoyed at Yoo Jimin was an easier emotion to address. This was an emotion he understood. It was an emotion he could process right away. So he turns to her and finds her sitting on the stool next to him.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, because really. Why is she here, talking to him, sitting next to him?

“Oh, don’t worry, Renjun. I’m only waiting for someone.” she says, rolling her eyes and flipping her hair.

“You can wait for someone over there.” Renjun points to a place far away with his glass.

“Okay, you don’t have to be an asshole. I just came in to see why you were drinking alone while all your friends are at that party.” she says and now more than agitation, Renjun feels anger.

“Why do you care if I drink alone, anyway? You’re the one that broke up with me.” he spits out.

“Renjun, seriously, what is your problem? I’m only trying to be nice to you. You don’t have to come for me like that.” Jimin’s eyebrows are high on her forehead as she matches Renjun’s tone.

“Well, thanks a lot, Yoo Jimin. Thank you for your gift of empathy, but I don’t really need it. Not after everything you did to me.”

“Renjun! Seriously, what is it that I did to you? What did I do to you?” she raises her voice in agitation.

“Well, other than abandoning me? Pretending that you were happy with me then pulling the rug from under my feet and breaking up with me? Not even waiting a month before moving on?” Renjun spits venom right back. Who did she think she was, coming here and speaking to him like that?

“Jesus Christ, Renjun. Would you listen to yourself? Does it ever occur to you that you could’ve been the asshole in this relationship? That maybe I broke up with you because you were the jerk?” Jimin’s face is contoured as she yells at him. It’s good that the bar is relatively full, otherwise this could’ve been a scene.

“I was nothing but nice to you. I treated you so well and you treated me like dirt!” Renjun hisses.

“Renjun, that’s your problem! You only see the faults in others and never in yourself! But you’re not ready for that conversation, so let’s not have it!” she yells and turns away from him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“No, no, by all means, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about all the times I mistreated you, please.” Renjun mocks. He was already too used to being gaslighted by his parents. Jimin could join that club. This was already the worst day of his life. It couldn’t possibly get any worse.

“Renjun, this! This right here. You never respected me. You never treated me like an equal. With you, I always felt like some stupid, airheaded trophy. I always felt like everything I wanted was superficial and shallow and not worth anything!”

“And whose fault is that.” Renjun laughs darkly.

“Renjun, you can’t even see what you’re doing! You just think you’re so much better than everyone else! You think everyone around you is a degenerate and that you’re the smartest person to ever walk this earth. I can’t believe I let you treat me that way for so long.” Jimin’s hands go from balling into fists to animatedly helping her point. “Renjun, I wanted to be a model for the longest time. But I didn’t, because of you! Because every time I’d post a picture on my Instagram, you’d tell me it was because I love getting validation from strangers. Every time an agent reached out to me, you’d tell me how showing off my looks wasn’t going to be a long lasting career. You just never respected me or my aspirations. Because all of them were so beneath Mr. Intellectual.”

Renjun turns away. He pours himself another shot and downs it. He didn’t want a lecture. Who was she to show up like this and give him a lecture unprovoked? 

“If it weren’t for Jongin, I would’ve believed everything you ever said to me. That people would only like me for my looks. That what I wanted to do was superficial and shallow and that I would never amount to anything if I followed my heart.” she goes on and Renjun has had enough.

“Save it, Jimin. We’re broken up now, so what does it matter?” he doesn’t look at her. She could yell at him all she wanted. He wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

“I only came to you because I saw you drinking alone. And I know that’s not like you. I just wanted to see if you’re okay.” her voice has lowered significantly, but the agitation hasn’t left her tone. Renjun wonders if she has more to say, because he certainly doesn’t want to listen to any more.

“Well, that’s very kind of you, but I’m fine on my own.” he says coldly, still not looking at her.

Jimin sighs. “Renjun, when will you realize that the whole world isn’t out to get you? I know your family isn’t perfect. But you’ve got friends that care about you. You’ve got people around you that love you. If only you could stop being an asshole to them for one hot minute and see that.”

Renjun still doesn’t turn. Because she doesn’t know anything. She doesn’t know his life. She doesn’t know how alone he feels. She doesn’t know jackshit about what he goes through, what he has been going through. Who is she to comment on his life and stand there like that and lecture him? She didn’t know anything. Fuck her for making him feel like he was the asshole. The world was taking a giant dump on him, and she was making him feel like he was the asshole. Fuck that.

She grabs her purse and gets off the stool. “I’ve got to go now. I just hope you feel better. Whatever it is that you’re going through. Please don’t go through it alone, Renjun.” she says before she walks away.

Renjun feels a lump in his throat. How could he not go through it alone? Who was going to be by his side? No one. So what use were his tears? He wouldn’t let them fall. He swallows that lump away, and when it doesn’t work, he takes another shot. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He could just go home and sleep. Maybe that would work. The alcohol wasn’t numbing anything. It was just making him more bitter, but for more reasons than what he had come in with.

So he finds himself walking home. Putting one foot in front of the other. Breathing in and out. Keeping his heart beating.

He felt so alone. Was he the loneliest man in the world? He could bet money that he was. No one knew what he was going through. And that’s what made him feel most abandoned. But then again. Fuck that. He didn’t need anyone. What good were friends anyway? Friendships really meant nothing. Renjun finally realized that what he had were not friends, but connections. Because at the end of the day, that’s what this goddamn college life was all about. Making as many connections as you possibly could, so you could reap advantages from them later on life. All of his relationships were opportunistic. And realizing this was giving him the worst headache of his life. Like all the alcohol was thrumming in his head and blinding him.

He arrives at his doorstep, punches in his code, walks in and freezes at what he sees. 

Jeno, Jaemin, Jisung, Donghyuck, Zhong Chenle and you were all in the living room, drinking and eating and laughing. None of them had even noticed that Renjun had walked in. Because they were all too busy bellowing together. 

Suddenly, Renjun feels his blood boiling hot in his veins. How dare they. How dare they look like one big happy fucking family right in front of him. Renjun pushes back all emotions he’d been feeling and holds onto one: red hot burning anger. He heads in.

“Hey, hey! Look who’s finally back!” Donghyuck says mid-laughter as he finally notices him. “Come join us because Mark is passed out on your bed, by the way.” he laughs but his smile slowly fades as he watches Renjun’s expression. 

“You okay, man?” Jeno asks slowly.

The others slowly start reading his energy as well because his demeanor has gotten everyone’s attention. Renjun wants to pick a fight. He wants to fight with all of them for not being there for him. But he looks around for an easy target. Someone he can direct all his ruthless anger towards. And his eyes zero in on you.

“What are you doing here?” Renjun asks you urgently. Like you’ve done something wrong. 

“I just got you some food. We all thought we’d eat with you since you didn’t come to the party.” you say and you get up smiling and take Renjun’s wrist “Come, sit.”

But Renjun roughly snatches his hand away from your grip, making you look up suddenly. Your eyes are round, but you don’t look angry. You perhaps look shocked, but mostly concerned. And that makes Renjun want to hurt you more.

“You can’t just show up here unannounced. I didn’t invite you here.” Renjun spits at you.

“Hey man, easy. We invited her.” Donghyuck gets up and puts himself between the two of you. 

“Well, this is not your house, either! You can’t just invite her without asking me.” Renjun scowls at the boy.

“Renjun, I just got you some food. I just wanted to make sure you had eaten.” you say gently, stepping up from behind Donghyuck to speak to him.

“Y/N, you are not my girlfriend. So stop acting like it.” Renjun snaps and he finally watches the hurt he wanted to see on your face. He also sees Jisung’s scared expression and Jaemin’s disappointed one.

“I…” you begin “... I know… I just… I came here with the guys… I…” you begin, but Renjun yells again.

“You need to leave. You can’t just show up whenever you want.” Renjun continues and takes a step forward but Donghyuck holds a protective arm in front of you. Whoop-dee fucking doo. Now his friends thought he was some sort of a savage. 

“No, Y/N, you shouldn’t leave.” He says then turns to his friend. “Dude, what is your problem?” But Renjun keeps attacking you.

“These people are not your friends, okay? They are my friends. You’re crossing a line and you need to leave right now.” Renjun loves the reactions he’s getting. He loves that he has provoked every single person in the room. Because Jaemin has gotten up and taken your hand protectively whilst Jeno has joined Donghyuck in blocking you from his view.

“Hey, man. Easy.” Jeno warns. Jisung and Chenle watch this strange confrontation with worried looks on their faces, eyes darting between him and the others. Renjun can’t believe it. All his friends were protecting you. All of them. He was the fucking monster in this room, too. 

“Renjun, I just… I just came here to see you.” you say, but there’s no accusation in your tone. Just annoying, tiresome understanding. He fucking hates it and all his friends can see that he does.

After everything he had been through, after all his life was putting him through, he was the asshole, he was the monster once again. 

Well, then. If everyone thought him a monster, he should become it completely.

“Y/N.” Renjun laughs as he looks away. Then he looks at you with that sinister smile still on his face. “Y/N, the only reason I’ve kept you around for so long is because I wanted to get to your brother. So you can leave now.”

That did it. 

Because Donghyuck’s eyes have closed as he stands in front of you and Jeno’s eyes have widened. Jaemin just looks shocked as he holds onto your hand. As do Jisung and Chenle. But you.

Your face has hardened. He doesn’t see shock or disappointment or the kind of reaction that would’ve given him full satisfaction. He sees your stone face as you finally say something with a hint of venom in your tone.

“Well, in that case, Renjun, you’ve been wasting your time. Because I got you a slot with my brother right after our first date.”

Renjun stands speechless. 

He would’ve remained speechless if you hadn’t pushed past Jeno and him and headed straight for the door.

“Y/N!” Donghyuck calls out and goes after you. Renjun watches the others. Jaemin and Jisung have looked away and he sees nothing but pure disappointment on their faces. Jeno, on the other hand, is looking straight at him. Renjun looks back. Good. He wants everyone to hate him. This was exactly right. 

He hears Donghyuck barge back into the apartment as the door bangs shut behind him. 

“Dude what the fuck is wrong with you?!” He yells and Renjun finds himself shoving the boy, pushing him so he wasn’t in his space.

“What’s wrong with me? Please, Donghyuck. Don’t even pretend like you haven’t been using her the same way I’ve been. You’re not any better.” Renjun punctuates the last bit with another shove and Donghyuck grabs at his collar and roughly pulls him by it. Before it can escalate, Jeno and Jaemin rush forward to break the two of them apart. Jeno grabs onto Renjun, Jaemin onto Donghyuck, prying him off and creating some distance between the two. Jisung and Chenle look from the couch, mouths hanging open, visibly distressed.

“You didn’t have to do that, man. You didn’t have to be an asshole to her.” Donghyuck accuses as he tries to free himself from Jaemin’s grip and come face to face with Renjun again.

Renjun laughs bitterly. “Well, now that I have been, you can have her. Live your happy fucking life.” Renjun spits at him and he gets the reaction he was looking for because it makes Donghyuck lunge at him once again, making Jaemin tighten his grip and pull him back.

“What is wrong with you? You fucking asshole! Why do you think everyone’s out to get you? Stop acting like a little bitch and start acting like a man for once!” Donghyuck shouts and that does it. 

Renjun feels his headache blinding him. And yet, he doesn’t know how he frees himself from Jeno’s grip. But before he knows it, he has balled his hand into a fist and aimed it straight for Donghyuck’s face.

Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.

#renjun fic #renjun angst #renjun fluff #ficscafe #kpopscape #neowritingsnet #dreamwritersnet #huang renjun #renjun #nct fic #nct fluff #nct angst #nct #nct dream #nct college au #renjun x reader #we met in online class

[kirishoshego]

Moneypulated PT.2//Aizawa

!!!MINORS DNI!!! 18+ONLY!!!

Special thanks to Emmie for creating this awesome S&M event and letting me participate and those who requested a part two of my first Aizawa piece x

If you like Sadism and Masochism, BNHA; AOT and Haikyuu the event is definitely for you :)

Pairing: Sadist!Mob-Boss!Dom!Aizawa x Masochist!Sub!femreader Words:3.2+

Summary: When your life is threatened Aizawa realized just how important you are to him. A small fight leaves you bend over the couch, cross eyes and leads to him admitting his feelings for you.

TW: slight mention of torture (a bit more at the end), s&m, controlling Aizawa, calling him sir, knife play (no blood), slight ass and nipple play, orgasm denial, slight oral, biting, spanking, hair pulling, dirty talk, slight bit of degration and teasing

Three month, three weeks and three days. That’s how long it took you to develop positive feelings for him. He gave you everything, but privacy, something you had to learn rather quick because that man was strong and even though he doesn’t look like it, heavy. You told him no twice. The first time left you bruised for at least three days, fucked into oblivion. The second time left you sobbing from his impact play. You hated how little you could control your body, dripping wet before he slipped into you. Something he would love to taunt you with. „Always so quiet and modest. Yet here you are begging to be fucked by a criminal after he spanked you blue and green. Don’t tell me you like that. Tsk, dirty girl,“ he told you with a slight smirk on his face, one hand having a strong hold in your hair to hold you up so he could look at you. The other one pinched and played with clit, milking orgasm after orgasm.

He knew how to work his charm, knew how to impress you. Listened, remembered basically every detail about you. Aizawa wanted to know everything about you, from childhood memories to teenage drama to your goals and dreams. Of course he was genially interested in you, after all he wanted you at his side, but it was also helpful to know one or too secrets. Just in case. It was understandable that he was a bit shocked and also even more alarmed when Shota noticed how fast you adapted to the captive state of yours. There was no attempt of you running away, either because you knew it wouldn’t work with guards everywhere around you, or because you were afraid. So he tested it out. Gave you a car, told you to go enjoy yourself, get pampered for a surprise he had prepared.

First thing you did was getting new underwear because as much as you… appreciated him buying it for you you would like to have a few comfortable pieces that cover more than 3 inches of your skin. You stopped to get a nice drink at a small restaurant, got a small snack before you ended up buying four new plants. A smile creeped up on his face when his phone signaled him he got a new message from Shinso. Attached to it was a picture of you smiling while picking up the most sad looking flower he had ever seen.

It happened while driving back. You realized happiness started to form in your stomach at the thought of seeing him again. Excitement about showing him what you had bought. How could you be happy? After how he treated you in front of so many men, so many strangers. But then again he took care of a man who had sold you for his addiction. You knew he was in the hospital right now, after trying to enter the casino again. At first you thought he was there to get you, to show at least some sort of remorse. Even though their boss told them not to tell you those details Denki let it slip that Kirishima caught him gambling. With that your last string of attachment ripped apart. It wasn’t hard to choose between being left alone with nothing or a slightly questionable man who (as much as you would like to deny it) made you feel good, save and wanted.

That day was the first time he took you to the casino with him, introduced you to a part of his world. The one that was less brutal. He wouldn’t not let you see someone getting tortured. But he knew how gruesome it can get and even though he wouldn’t tell anyone, he threw up after his first time, felt sick the first five. It just made it so much easier to get people to talk. Or make them stop. Sometimes they need to be taught a lesson or too to not put their noses in his businesses.

Rumors started to spread around fast after your first appearance. Shota Aizawa has a trophy wife. Something that made him weak. A pretty one on top of that and she was supposed to be his little lucky charm. Every table you appeared at, the house would win. You didn’t play yourself, you only sat besides your... Well, besides the mob boss himself.

There was no explanation for it really, it wasn’t luck per se. It was math. Some liked math in school, some didn’t. What you liked more though was winning. And games like these were hard to predict, but not impossible. Another aspect were their faces. Everyone focused on their face and those of others, tried to keep cool while detecting a mistake of others that they forgot about other limbs. Some tapped their fingers against the table or cards, others would play with their drink, swirling the ice cubes around without touching it. Some bounced their legs, crossed them, scratched them. Once you caught their mistake it was over for them.

While some got scared because of it, others seemed to find a challenge in it. They wanted to beat you. How could you know that one night you will have the son of another mob boss on the table? He was supposed to be a spy, simply collect information about you and leave. But the opportunity to beat you and therefor Aizawa was too alluring. How could he know that he will lose almost 33 Million yen in one night? And with those 33 Million yen came a big target right on your back.

In less than 24 hours a collection of pictures and informations about you was delivered to Peony. In less than 24 hours your world was turned upside down yet again. The freedom you were given was taken away in order to protect you. His worry for you was understandable but when he decided to have Bakugo and Kirishima on your heels 24/7 you had enough.

--------------------------------------------

„I’m inside the house! The house has walls almost thrice as high as Kirishima’s 7 foot frame, a massive garden with six well trained guard dogs running around. You have the best alarm system there is on the market and still I’m not even allowed to use the bathroom in private. It’s humiliating,“ you explained to him angrily. „I would rather humiliate you than pick up your dead body limp by limp,“ he tried reasoning. „Do you even hear yourself? How can you say something like that? Do you not trust your men? I can defend myself! Eijiro has-„ suddenly you went quiet, realizing too late what gravitating mistake you just that you had just exposed yourself.

„Eijiro has what? Continue doll. I‘m all ears,“ he leaned back against his desk, crossing his arms over his in a black shirt clad chest. „We shouldn‘t be changing the subject now. I need-," „What you need is to tell me what Kirishima did,“ you wouldn‘t be so on edge if he yelled at you, screaming at the top of his lungs, slam his hand on the desk, anything. Instead he was dangerously calm, collected, ready for you to make the next step. Knowing you were trapped like a small mouse between a wall and an awaiting cat, only playing with its fear.

„I will tell you if you promise me he isn‘t going to suffer any consequences. He had no ill intentions,“ you started explaining, making a step forward and trying to look as timid as possible so he will show mercy. „You actually think you‘re in a position to negotiate? Oh darling, it is breaking my heart a tiny bit to see you’re underestimating me,“ he faked a pained expression before closing the gab between the two of you.

You knew better than to relax yourself into his touch as he caressed your cheek, planting a small kiss on your forehead.

„Now,“ Aizawa stood behind you within a second, your wrists in his hand behind your back, something cold against your neck. „Please continue before I lose the small amount of patience that is left inside of me,” he sounded threatening, his voice deep and raspy, mouth dangerously close to your ear lobe. The knife near your aorta send adrenaline through your whole body, your pussy pulsing as you caught sight of your current position in his window.

You noticed his eyes wandering over the curves of your body, as the sound heavy breathing hit your ear. It seems like he was holding back, but be the looks of it all he wanted to do was drag the knife along your clothes and watch it drop to the floor. It wasn’t on purpose, more or less, but your hand brushed against his crotch, hearing him hiss as you touched his hard length for a mere second. The grip on the red handle tightened, pulling your body into his and leading your hand back to his crotch.

Eyes met in the window as he licked his lips. He tilted your head back slightly with the tip of the sharp blade, kissing the spot behind your ear.

„Sorry kitten, but this isn’t the time to play,“ he whispered into your ear while you started massaging him through his suit pants. A smirk appeared on your face as you agreed with him ‚oh I know, sir‘ you basically purred. Within seconds you pulled yourself away from him with your whole strength, bowing as he went to grab your hair and kicking back into his stomach as you turned which send him to the floor as he stumbled. Grabbing the knife from his hand and dropping onto his hips as you held the knife to his throat.

„Eijiro taught me how to defend myself, so I don’t have creepy old men all over me,“ you told him, a sudden wisp of a moan leaving your throat as he grabbed your hips and ground his pelvis against yours. „I didn’t know I’m a creepy old man. Wasn’t it just yesterday that you begged me to stuff you? And wasn’t it you that screamed my name so the whole house could hear who fucks you ‚like a god‘? Hm… I must confuse you with someone else that came cross eyed all over me considering I don’t play with brats,“ as the last word left his mouth he flipped you around, turning you so your stomach was flat against the freshly cleaned floor, hand in between your shoulder blades to hold you down.

He thanked the sun for shining so brightly and the clouds for not appearing, considering it lead to you dressed in the shortest little sundress you could find in your closet. The color suited you so damn well and the dress made it so easy for him to uncover your ass. His hungry eyes starred at it in its full glory, feeling his rock hard cock to twitch in his pants.

The blade was dragged across your skin and he could have fucked you right then and there as he noticed how you tried to clench your legs, goose bumps appearing on your skin. „Don’t tell me you enjoy this, such a dirty girl,“ he stopped right at the hem of your underwear, dragging the flat side across your clit and earning another moan of yours. He chuckled, „I see.“

Suddenly the blade was back at your throat, his other hand massaging your ass. „If you try to move or forget to thank me I might have to use the sharp side next time and we don’t want that do we doll?“ Shota asked you, the tip slightly pressed onto your sweet spot as you took to long to reply for his liking. „No sir,“ your voice was slightly shaky as the anticipation inside of you grew. „Not so tough anymore, thought so,“ he loved your submissive state, every time he thought he went too far you were there dripping wet for him.

Without a warning his hand came down hard on your ass, massaging your cheek before disappearing again. „Thank you sir,“ you moaned, the next slap delivered right after. „Thank you sir,“ you said again, feeling our wetness slowly seeping through the thin fabric covering your cunt. Every once in a while he would dip his fingers between your folds, playing with your clit until you’re about to cum, only to stop and spank you again.

Once your ass was a bright red and noticeable handprints adorned your flesh he decided he had enough. The last few thank you’s gave away that you started crying softly, maybe slightly caused by the pain, but more at fault definitely were the denied orgasms.

„Had time to overthink your statement from earlier?“ Aizawa went down to your ass, pushing your panties to the side and dragging his tongue across your slit, dipping inside for a second to collect some of your juice. Kisses were plastered across your abused skin, bitting down onto it to hear you moan again.

„I give you ten seconds to go over to my couch, get undressed and bend over it,“ if you weren’t so incredibly needy right now you might even had begged for some more spanks.

You could hear him get undressed as you did the same, back turned to him to allow him a nice view on your behind.

You could feel his presence even before he touched you, the smell of his cologne mixed with his sweat hitting your nose. Rough hands collided with your ass once more, before wandering up your back, one finding its way into your hair, the other one holding his thick girth in his hand and dragging it from your clit to your hole. You whined as you noticed him going back down again with his tip, which lead to him plunging into your throbbing pussy all at once. Curses tumbled from the both of you, finally getting what you wanted.

Shota pulled you up by your hair, allowing his hand to play with chest. Cold metal came in contact with your nipples and only now did you realize that he had brought the knife with him. It took maybe a minute for your first orgasm to hit, considering the ones you were denied earlier had you on edge already. „Done already kitten? Does that mean you want me to stop?“ He knew it meant everything but. It’s just, having you beg for more gets him every time and he can’t deny how powerful it made him feel, which he needed now more than ever. „No, fuck. Please sir, need mo-oh, more,“ a moan cut through you as a single thrust hit your g-spot directly.

„Take it then,“ he pulled you down with him on the couch, his back against the backrest as you straddled his legs. Do to the new position his cock was even deeper than before and you were shaking with almost every bounce as you went up and down on him. Black eyes wandered from your face to your tits to your cunt, watching him disappear inside of you over and over again. Aizawa’s arms wandered from its resting place back to your body, one going to your back, the other one staying in the front.

You hissed, eyes growing wide as you felt rough fingers circling your puckering hole, while the other ones drew lazy patterns on your clit. Every now and then he would meet your movements, burying himself even deeper inside of you. By now you were a moaning mess, clenching around him as you could feel another knot building up in the pit of your stomach. „It’s alright, I got you. You can cum, I know you want to,“ Shota groaned, picking up the speed of his fingers and watching in pure bliss as you came undone once again, slowing down and pulling you into a deep kiss.

As you went to get up from him, your body now sensitive he grabbed your hips, pushing you down again. „Just because you’re on top doesn’t mean you get to control when we’re done,“ he said, delivering a harsh slip to the left side of your tits, before grabbing your throat and pushing you down into the mating press. „You have to remember your place doll. I get decide when we’re finished and I’m not done yet,“ he grunted, snapping his hips as the hand around you held you in place firmly. A warning slap heated up your tears stained cheek when you tried to wiggle away from him and he felt you clenching around his dick.

You looked so good with mascara running down your face, he thought, feeling himself getting closer and closer as you moaned his name like some sort of prayer. „Again, please,“ you said, feeling the third high coming. It took him a second to understand what you asked for, but when it finally clicked he cursed under his breath, telling you how perfect you are. As he slapped you again, holding your face in his hand and kissing your lips hotly you were holding onto his arm for dear life. Stars appeared in front your eyes as you came once again. You barely noticed anything but his thrusts turning sloppy before he released himself inside of you, buried deep and painting your insides white.

„I didn’t know pain turned you on so much,“ he said with a lazy smile on his face, looking down on your face, your embarrassed expression hardly hidden. „Me neither to be honest… You know how it went in the past,“ you hinted at your unsatisfied sex life with your ex husband, who thought doggy style was already pretty kinky. No shame to vanilla people, but now you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. „It’s good to know, we will test out more things in the future,“ the thought of it turned you on again already and you kissed his chest, letting him know you like the sound of that idea.

„I love you, you know?“ He mumbled as the two of you laid on the couch while drawing patterns on your back lazily. Your heart skipped a bit, this was the first time Aizawa mentioned his feelings for you. „You don’t gotta say it back, I know it’s all a bit messy,“ he said, kissing your forehead. „No, it’s just… After sex the mind is always bit-,“ „Yours might be after that but mine is as clear as ever,“ he cut you off, making you roll your eyes and laugh gently. „I love you too,“ it was mumbled, almost unnoticeable, but he heard you just fine which was all he needed.

————————————- Extra—————————————-

„I run this town. Piss me off again and your wife will find out about your little affair with your little lover boy. She’s pregnant, right? And you would like to be able to care for her don’t you? If so, I suggest you to never threaten my wife or my men ever again. It won’t just be your finger that I cut off, understood?“ He knew killing him off immediately will only cause war. He would win, of course, but it would be unnecessary and taking too much of his energy. „Yes Mister Aizawa,“ the hatred and fear in his eyes pleased him enough for the day, so he walked out of the room, ordering Bakugo to drop him off a few miles away from everyone. A nice nightly walk might clear his head he explained so the man bound to the chair could hear him just fine. „Don’t worry, I will let you keep your finger, but you should hurry, they turn bad fast,“ with that he went into the dark, ready to get home to you.

©kirishoshego//do not repost on any plattforms

#Shota Aizawa smut #aizawa smut #bnha smut #mha smut #bnha aizawa smut #bnha shota aizawa smut #mha shota aizawa smut #shota smut #aizawa x reader smut #aizawa x y/n smut #aizawa x you smut #shota aizawa smut #shota aizawa x you smut #shota aizawa x reader smut #shota aizawa x y/n smut #aizawa x you #aizawa x reader #aizawa x y/n #bnha x reader smut #bnha x y/n smut #bnha x you smut #bnha aizawa x reader smut #bnha aizawa x y/n smut #bnha aizawa x you smut #mha aizawa x you smut #mha aizawa x y/n smut #mha aizawa x reader smut #bnha shota aizawa x you smut #bnha shota aizawa x reader smut #bnha shota aizawa x y/n smut

[mistressemmedi]

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

Greetings from Miley Cyrus - phenomenal numbers.

The streams of Zitti e Buoni are growing by the second, and ahead of Muse, on the top of the English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. We almost tripled followers after Rotterdam (from 1.4 to 3.3 million, ed). Contagious and universal madness: T-shirts and merchandise sold out in 10 minutes. Like records, tickets for a tour that adds dates and expands on maps. They are even looking for us in festivals where the Rolling Stones have played. - Thomas

After the whole cocaine scandal that was started against us from France, which was later denied by my drug test, in Spain there people have been making murals with my face saying "No drugs". Some tweets made us laugh: «Congratulations, Italy! I have never been so sure that four people have fucked each other ". Miley Cyrus started following us. "You are great". “You are more” . - Damiano

From rags to riches - what a story

It was only 2016, and we were playing in restaurants, on the streets, in via del Corso (famous street in Rome). Damiano without a microphone, Thomas's guitar with broken strings, Ethan drummed on a cajón. At the occupations of the high schools in Rome (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first gigs and half an hour of fame, between those who criticized us and those who said "these guys are so cool". One of the rare times in which they offered to pay us to play - 50 euros each - we offered that money to those after us, in exchange for the chance to play during their time slow, as we knew there would have been a bigger crowd. We already understood then how it worked. That visibility was worth more than the money. We still think so ». - Victoria

The intimacy of rock - Choice of a genre

Music allows is this miracle which allows one to talk about very personal and private topics, even difficult and delicate ones. They are and remain deeply yours, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage which is like a delivery, they also find their place in you, their elaboration. They are overcome, they are accepted. One moment it feels aggressive, one moment later a (soft) ballad. It's very cathartic. - Damiano

Against panic - The stage as therapy

I have suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it is a problem that I have worked on thanks to a course of psychotherapy, to my friends and family. Playing has helped me not to let myself be paralyzed by my fears, not to be limited in my private and professional life. I have learned to accept, to live with this side of me. I don't hide it. I no longer feel ashamed. - Victoria

This belief that only crazy people go to the psychologist is widespread ignorance. Nobody is born learned. And it is often difficult to understand why we are here, let alone the derivation and direction of our desires. It is a long and legitimate journey towards one's clarity. - Damiano

Essere fuori di testa – Ma diversi da loro (Be out of your mind - But different from them)

Already feeling a strong passion for something that is not a 'regular' profession but an artistic language, it puts you on a level where you're an anomaly, and while you're neither superior nor inferior to others, it places you in the condition of what breaks the mold but you're also being at a loss, leaving it to you to be bold and to take risks, hoping that they will pay off and land you somewhere. "What good is it if you don't stand out on your own?". You want to give it an aesthetic to your artistic dream, but to others it boils down to " You dress differently! You must be gay! ”, I'm 22 now and it makes me laugh, but at 17 it had an effect on me too. - Damiano

The beauty of being unique - Of believing in that and defending it

After all, we are all different not because we want to be alternative but because really no one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty. - Ethan

Fluid sexuality - Pride is freedom

We appreciate heels on men, we kiss each other, we have an open, extended mind, and we are proud of it. The horizons become vast, beyond the oppression of conservative families. With information on the web, knowledge is enriched and with it the possibility that minorities will be fewer and fewer, because majorities will be fewer and fewer. This will lower the volume to insults and bullying. If social networks can reach a village of 50 souls to reveal to someone, who is afraid of the darkness, that someone has felt that same fear.. There is no longer the need to give it a name, to define that "something" to fear, to brand it with labels that only limit you. Definitions have always had this effect on me. Gender should not even be considered in a person's judgment. Let alone orientation ". - Victoria

Sexism - A culture to be dismantled

Emma (Italian singer) dropped the bomb:" When I went to Eurovision, they insulted me over a pair of shorts. Damiano - half naked and in heels - was never criticized ". The judgment against women is constant, ferocious, and demeaning (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool but Vic a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader she is domineering and pain in the ass, who is successful because only because of her looks [and not the hard work she puts in]). As a male I am privileged, the harassment I suffer is not comparable to that experienced by a woman, the comments on my aesthetics are focused only on my aesthetics and do not insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thinking in a systemic way. But I did find myself in a situation, out of nowhere, with someone who, pulling close to her for a selfie, started licking my face ... "What do you want, did you ask me?" Consent exists, and it is a must ». - Damiano

To grow as a person - The only rule to follow

For me, to conform is the total opposite of educating oneself, and the asphyxiation of one's expression (of freedom). Fortunately, I did not suffer heavy bullying, to the point where I felt I needed to change to adapt to how others saw me. But the matrix of who I am and the aggression that marks me is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and loves dolls, then allow me the freedom to do so. I used to be a kid who wanted long hair and played with Barbies. My friends, as a teenager, looked my long hair and teased me: "You have to find yourself a girl with a short hair to make up for it". My grandparents took the dolls away from me and said: “Stop it, they're not for you” ». - Ethan

“I was six and I already could not tolerate the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things typically defined as feminine as a child, and they made fun of me for skating, for playing soccer, for not wearing skirts, for giving myself the chance to be as I wanted to be. I suffered a little, as I was bullied, but I had courage to stay true to myself, and today thanks to that courage I know that I could have been much more hurt, or I would have risked leaving the most important decision to others: the one about being just me". - Victoria

Love - music and girlfriends

I've been married to music for the past 20 years. I cannot wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary. - Ethan

Everyone goes through their own experiences, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's never other people's business." - Thomas

When, for the first time, I developed feelings and attraction for a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage to go beyond the limitations I had imposed on myself. For society, being heterosexual is the norm and therefore often one automatically pegs himself in that way, giving up the freedom to experience many different shades and facets of love. Once I got over the initial insecurity of having to question one's own certainties, I lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone. - Victoria

I had paparazzi under my house morning and night. So, after four years of relationship, I finally revealed her name. I still have the paparazzi under my house morning and night, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore. - Damiano

The value of the group - Protecting each other

But the real relationship, the real family, is between us. Our band. We believed in it from the first day, even before calling ourselves Måneskin (moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon, on the poster for our first concert. We share everything, even the pain of the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because he was a victim of racism. Being a group is what we should all do together: stay united and not retreat in the slightest in the face of abuses generated by a distorted vision of someone "being different|. - Thomas

Non ho l’età – like Gigliola (It references Gigliola Cinquetti who won both Sanremo and Eurovision with her song "Non ho l’età" which translates to Not old enough)

Before us, the only one to win Sanremo and Eurovision together was Gigliola Cinquetti (in 1964). Is there is something for which I feel I am not yet old enough for? No, honestly no. Maybe for kids. I'll be honest, I'm not enough to be a dad. - Damiano

Reached the sky - What fears still remain

We are more than in the dream, we have conquered the dream. To fly high this high, there is the risk is to fall and get hurt, but we will try not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - somewhat presumptuously - reassures us rather than frighten us ". - Damiano

(ORIGINAL INTERVIEW IN ITALIAN)

[Please note that I have changed some words or structure sentence, trying to make it so that the interview made more sense lol - I skipped the first two paragraphs, which was basically the interviewer gushing over how pretty the band is lmao (relatable).

Any mistakes in the translation are sorely mine, nothing was proofread, so apologies in advance]

#maneskin #ethan torchio #damiano david #victoria de angelis #thomas raggi #i'm off to drink some wine lol

[genshin-impact-writings]

(I hope I did this right)

Howdy barista, can I get a:

Medium

Caffe latte

Hazelnut syrup

Whipped cream

Thief Venti X prince/princess reader

Thank you so much for your request! Here's your drink, my dear: A medium caffe latte with hazelnut syrup and whipped cream on top. I hope you enjoy! <3 (Reblogs are very much appreciated.)

Prompts: Hurt/comfort + royalty!AU + “Stay with me, please.” + “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” (400 followers event: JJ's coffee shop)

The price of freedom – Thief!Venti x royal!reader (gn!reader)

Growing up in a palace and being the only heir to the throne had always been tough for you. Between endless lessons about etiquette, history, politics and dancing you barely found the time to be yourself – or to have fun. Your whole life was strictly planned out by your parents, starting from the things you would do throughout the day through to the person you would marry in the near future.

And you were so sick of it. So sick of it that you had decided to break out of the golden cage around you to finally get some time for yourself at some point.

Therefore, sneaking out of the palace after dark had become a habit a long time ago. It was the only time where you felt like you could be yourself, like you could be truly (Y/N) without having to live up to your parents’ unrealistic expectations. When you were out there, you always felt like you could finally breathe again. There were no responsibilities, no lessons or meetings with members of the court who wanted to sweet-talk you into supporting their grand plans for the kingdom once it was your turn to claim the throne. It was so tiring to listen to their seemingly endless monologues which were nothing more than the jabbering of bumptious old men, at least in your opinion.

But the thirst for freedom wasn’t the only reason for your nightly wanderings. No, there was something else to it, something far more important than escaping your royal duties for a while. Well, not something, actually. Someone, rather.

Venti, the mysterious thief with the beautiful aqua-colored eyes who had tried to steal your wallet when you had first met and instead stole your heart. Up to this day, he hadn’t returned either.

Not that you minded it, though. Falling in love with Venti was the best thing that had happened to you in a long time, although you couldn’t deny that your relationship made your life a lot more complicated than it already was.

And it had gotten even worse when your parents found out about it. You would never forget the mixture of utter disgust and confusion in your mother’s eyes when your father confronted you about everything this morning. It still made your blood boil to think about the way they had spoken about Venti.

A worthless waste of space, your father had called him. As if he knew anything about him! They had no idea who Venti truly was and how happy it made you to be with him. Or maybe they knew and simply didn’t give a damn about your happiness, just like always. Why else would they insist that you’d never see him again?

“Don’t forget who you are,” your mother had said before telling you to go back to your studies, as if they hadn’t just shattered your whole world into a million pieces with a few words.

But you weren’t planning on giving your happiness up so easily. You weren’t the docile lamb they wanted you to be. No, you were strong and independent and hell-bent to fight for your right to be happy, even if it meant breaking your parents’ hearts.

One last glance at the palace, the place you had called home for so long, then you took a step towards the center of the town. Then another one, and another one, and before you even realized what you were doing, you were running.

Running away from the life you no longer wanted. Not when you weren’t allowed to share it with Venti.

*

You found him in front of the tavern where you had first met, showing some sleights of hand to bystanders who rewarded his tricks with polite applause.

Hesitatingly, you waved at him to catch his attention. When he saw you, a smile flashed over his face, his pretty eyes sparkling with joy while he started to gather his belongings, uttering apologies to the people who complained that the show was already over. “Come again tomorrow,” he chirped. “I’ll be here.”

You greeted him with a smile which he returned before grabbing your hand and dragging you into a less crowded area of the town. “You are insane,” he mumbled, just like he always did. “What if someone recognizes you?”

“Hence why I am wearing this,” you replied and pointed at the hood of your cloak that covered almost your entire face. People would have to come incredibly close to you to recognize you, and so far, that hadn’t happened. Or maybe it did because how else had your parents learned about your relationship with the infamous thief?

“I wanted to see you,” you added a little breathlessly as you tried to keep pace with Venti. Ignoring his cheerful “Obviously!”, you continued, “Please, it’s serious. My parents – they know about us.”

He stopped dead in his tracks, causing you to bump into him. When he turned around to look at you, the careless expression in his eyes was gone and replaced by a seriousness you had never experienced with him. “Say that again.”

You bit your lower lip- “My parents know about us. They have forbidden me to ever see you again and I-“

“You’re here to tell me that this is the last time we’re seeing each other, right?” Venti interrupted you, his voice shaking ever so slightly, although he was really trying to keep his composure. He had always known that this day would come – but he had never expected it to hurt so much. He wasn’t ready to lose you.

“No, silly, I’m here to ask you to run away with me.”

“(Y/N), please, don’t make it harder than it- wait, what?” He stared at you in utter confusion, completely taken aback by your words. “What did you just say?”

You gently squeezed his hand, locking your gaze with his. “Run away with me.”

For a few moments, Venti didn’t say anything. Your words kept echoing in his mind, your wonderful proposal to leave the kingdom to start a new life elsewhere – together. But could he really do that to you? You were born to rule over this kingdom one day, you grew up in a sheltered and luxurious environment and knew basically nothing about the world out there. How could he take all of this away from you just because he was too damn selfish to let you go?

“Why?” he finally asked, very well aware that you had expected a different answer. You were disappointed; he could see it in your eyes.

“Why? Because I love you! Because I want to be with you!” you replied, your voice getting louder with every word. “Because – because I feel like I can’t breathe in this damn palace where every step I take, everything that I do is observed and judged by my parents.”

Suddenly, there were tears in your eyes and you didn’t even bother with blinking them away. “Venti, I – I don’t think I can to this anymore. I constantly feel like I am not good enough, like I’m not the heir they want me to be and I – I just can’t go back there. Please, don’t make me go back.”

The tears were streaming down your face now, the sheer amount of sadness in your eyes tugging at Venti’s heartstrings. He hated to see you cry and knowing that he was the cause for your tears only made it worse.

“You will lose everything you have,” he finally mumbled. You sniffled. “I know. But I don’t care, don’t you understand? All of this means nothing to me when I can’t be with you. You are what matters most but if I have to, I will leave this kingdom alone. I want you by my side but I won’t beg you to come with me.”

It was only then when Venti realized how serious you were about your whole plan. You were ready to leave everything behind to start a new life – including him if he decided to stay which meant that he would lose you forever.

“Stay with me, please,” he said, the words coming out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Now he was the one begging you not to leave. “We’ll start a new life somewhere else; we will leave this kingdom if you really want to but – please don’t leave me behind.”

You wrapped your arms around his waist, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Thank you,” you whispered your breath warm against his skin. Venti kissed the top of your head.

He still wasn’t sure if it was the right decision to leave everything both of you knew behind but as long as you were together, he wasn’t afraid to find out.

Taglist: @blissmal, @aimicoos, @sunsaturnn

#jj's milestone event #jj's coffee shop #venti x reader #venti genshin x reader #venti x you #venti genshin x you #venti x gn!reader #venti x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagine

[nashibirne]

DESPERADO - 3

Helen and August are back. Sorry it took me a while to write the next chapter but our holidays got in the way of writing. Anyway, here it is and it's getting a little steamy. I somehow struggled with writing the smut this time, it was somewhat hard to find the right balance in their dynamics but I think it turned out fine in the end. I hope you like it, too. As you know, writers live off validation, so comments, reblogs and likes are very much appreciated 💜

Pairing: Augut Walker x OFC (Helen Nichols)

Summary: August has survived the fight with Ethan Hunt and the fall from the cliff. A few lucky coincidences saved his life and he ends up with a woman that saves him and gives him shelter in her little hermit hut. He is at a turning point in his life. What is he going to do?

Word count: ~ 3.1 k

Warnings: Description of injuries, smut, NSFW, 18+, unprotected sex, oral sex (f and m receiving), vaginal sex

NO BETA! English is not my mother tongue, so expect bad grammar, wrong spelling, chaotic punctuation and clumsy language. All mistakes are mine…

Credits: I don’t own August Walker and anything related to MI:Fallout. Pics for the moodboard from pinterest, face claim Helen: Rooney Mara

You can find parts 1 and 2 and my other fics on my masterlist.

Taglist (please let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabronte @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfan @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84 @sillyrabbit81 @emelinelovesjc

Let's go...

***************

Desperado

Oh, you ain't gettin' no younger

Your pain and your hunger

They're drivin' you home

Freedom, oh freedom

Well that's just some people talkin'

Your prison is walkin' through this world all alone

From Desperado by The Eagles, Lyrics: Don Henley, Glenn Frey

"She's dead. She died in an accident. She was gone. I stayed."

No matter how hard August tried to find out more about Allison, there was no way to make Helen tell him anything else but these simple basics. She'd worked hard on building a protective wall around that part of her heart and her mind, she had closed off the grief and the feeling of guilt and she wasn't willing to hand over the key to her memories to a random stranger who was lying about his identity.

Besides August's futile attempts to pry into Helen's past the next two weeks were quite harmonious. While Helen had decided to ignore the fact that Austin Peters was a fake persona to avoid any kinds of complications, August had decided to accept the inevitable and to be a nice houseguest and he grudgingly let Helen take care of him. They soon got used to the fact that her help made them share pretty intimate moments and August had a hard time granting her access to his personal space, letting her literally touch him everywhere when she had to treat his wounds or help him get dressed and undressed, but he also watched her blush and shy away from him with fiendish joy.

It made him feel better about his face that his body obviously still had a significant effect on Helen and he couldn't deny that seeing her running around in her underwear or imagining her standing in the shower naked had a certain effect on him too. And it wasn't only physical, he really started to like her. She was smart and tough but also witty and cheeky sometimes, and it was hard for him to admit to himself that he enjoyed her company. Stockholm syndrome for sure, he tried to tell himself but in the back of his mind he knew the truth.

He had no idea that Helen felt the same and that her aloof manner was mostly facade. Behind the mask of indifference she was growing warm feelings for him. Warm, foolish, irrational feelings for a man she actually knew nothing about and who was involved in an FBI investigation. She blamed her hunger for interpersonal interactions and warmth that resulted from her self-chosen isolation for these surfacing emotions and did her best to ignore them.

What was really bothering Helen most after only a few days was the sleeping situation. Despite the fact that the there-is-only-one-bed-trope was everything from hot to romantic in theory it was only leading to back pain in reality. August kept on offering to sleep on the couch but she wouldn't let him. He needed a comfortable place to sleep and her sofa was hardly big enough for her. A tall man like him wouldn't be able to get a wink of sleep on it. So after 14 nights she decided to do something about it. She had made a call in the morning, August had heard her muffled voice from the kitchen when he was in the bathroom, and now a car was driving up to the hut. He started to panic.

"Who's that?"

He looked at Helen and she gave him a shrug.

"A friend. He's bringing me a folding bed, called him this morning. I'm not going to survive another night on the couch."

A car door was slammed shut with a thud and foot steps were coming closer to the front door.

"He can't come in, Helen", August whispered, giving her a pleading glance. She raised an eyebrow.

"Why's that?"

"He mustn't see me. Please."

Helen eyed him up and down and when it knocked August held his breath, his heart racing. She turned to the door without another word and August grabbed a large knife from the knife block before hiding in the corner of the room that wasn't visible from the entrance. Helen flinched when she realized that he'd armed himself but after taking a deep breath she opened the door with a nonchalant smile.

"Naseer. Hi. That was quick."

"Hi Helen. Yeah, it sounded urgent on the phone and you can't sleep in a broken bed so I thought I better bring you the folding bed as soon as possible."

August tried to imagine the man who belonged to the pleasant, warm voice. His English was very good but he clearly wasn't a native speaker. Someone from the village he guessed. From the village he would have erased without batting an eyelid just two weeks ago. His stomach twisted at the thought and it filled him with anger that he seemed to evolve something like a conscience lately.

"That's really kind of you."

He could hear the smile in Helen's voice.

"Let me help you unload it."

"No, I'll go and get it. Just tell me where to put it."

"Just put it here on the porch. I'll take care of it later."

Naseer gave Helen a funny look and she knew he was thinking she was acting strange but she could hardly let him walk inside the hut where August was awaiting him with a knife. She watched her only friend walk to his truck, grabbing the bed from the loading space and carrying it to the house.

"It's no problem to carry it inside", he said when he was standing in front of Helen again. "I could also fix your bed. I built it, it shouldn't be hard to replace a broken part."

He built it? The guy built Helen's bed? August started to wonder what kind of friend he was and why the question bothered him so much.

"No! No, that won't be necessary, Naseer."

Christ, woman, don't talk so fast. Her nervousness was showing in her voice and August was worried he might really have to use that fucking knife.

"Really, it's fine...I'm quite busy right now. In the middle of a creative phase...you know...kissed by the muse."

Good girl, back on track. August's heart rate went back to normal.

"You're working on your book again? That's great, Hel."

Hel? He rolled his eyes, annoyed and impatient.

"Yeah, it really is. My agent is pretty relieved too, my writer's block made him quite nervous. But I'm working almost non-stop on it...so yeah."

She shrugged with a sheepish grin, feeling terrible for lying to him.

"Is that why you needed all those supplies? Because you don't want to leave for grocery shopping in the next few weeks? Your truck was loaded when we met the other day."

"Exactly."

"I see...well…"

"Yeah…"

"I better get going then. Let you work in peace…"

"Thanks for stopping by, Naseer."

"Anytime. You know you can always call me when something's wrong or when you need help, right?"

"Of course." Her laugh sounded fake and nervous and for a moment she thought Naseer was going to ask her what was going on but he only gave her a worried look before he left. Helen let out a long sigh of relief, turned around and closed the door behind her.

"He's gone. You can put that away." She pointed at the knife August clung to, her eyes shooting daggers at him.

"What?" He looked at her angrily, putting the knife back in the knife block. "I just wanted to be prepared."

Helen let out a snort. "For what? Naseer attacking an injured stranger?"

"I don't know him."

"But I do. He's a friend and you made me act rude without a reason."

"A friend, huh? Hel?" August said in a mocking tone wiggling his eyebrows. He tried to be cheeky and make her laugh to ease the tension but he knew it was a stupid move as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Yes. A friend. Austin."

She was still being deadly serious and stressed his false name pointedly crossing her arms in front of her chest. August didn't know what to say or do to keep the situation from escalating so he just shrugged.

"Fine."

"Fine? That's all you have to say? For fucks sake...tell me why you didn't want Naseer to see you. Explain to me why you armed yourself with a knife, hiding in a dark corner of my house. My fucking house, goddamn…in which you found shelter..." She was furious now and he made a step towards her, his hands raised up in surrender. "Okay, listen, Helen."

"I'm all ears."

"As I said, it was just taking precautions. I'm a mistrustful person, made some bad experiences in the past and got hurt too often."

"Bullshit." She shook her head. "Don't try to tug at my heartstrings. Just tell me the truth."

August took a deep breath, he was getting frustrated and annoyed by her insistence.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't, okay? Let's just leave it at that or…"

“Or what? Are you going to kill me?”

Her voice was full of sarcasm but her eyes showed him that a part of her was scared of him, wondering what he was capable of. The logical answer to her question would have been yes. His answer should have been yes, but when he said no, when he denied it, August meant it. He wasn't going to kill her nor would he ever hurt her.

“No, but I still can’t tell you.”

She could tell by the expression on his face that he was torn. He wanted to open up to her, but he felt like he couldn't.

“Just give me something. A little part of the truth to help me understand who you are, where you’re coming from and what you`re up to."

“That’s not so easy, Helen. You might not like what you’re going to hear.”

He gave her a shrug and something that was supposed to be a smile.

“I don’t care. August.”

He blinked repeatedly. “Sorry?”

“Yes...August.” She rolled her eyes. “I know that you've been lying to me from day one."

He got up and started to pace the hut, still hobbling a little, though his ankle was much better. He wasn’t really worried just debating with himself. After a while he stopped by the window, staring outside. “You're right. My name is August. August Walker.”

"Thanks, but I already know that much", Helen snapped.

"How did you find out about my name?" He asked as calmly as his fluttering nerves allowed it, turning around to look her in the eyes.

"Why did you lie to me?" Helen threw him a challenging look.

"How much do you know?" August was not willing to leave his questions unanswered.

"Why. Did. You. Lie. To. Me?" Helen shouted at him.

"It's none of your fucking business", he yelled back.

Helen laughed out loud.

"It's none of my business? Are you kidding me? I saved you. I let you stay in my house, sleep in my bed, I treat your wounds, I take care of you, give you shelter, I've helped you in every possible way, no matter how many of my personal boundaries have been transgressed and now you're seriously telling me that it's none of my business that you've lied to me all this fucking time?"

"I've never asked for your help."

His voice was calm, his facial expression blank and stern but his eyes were blazing with emotion. His stare was so intense it made Helen shiver.

"You ungrateful ass", she whispered, stunned by his audacity. "You took all I had to give without saying thank you only once. And now you're…"

He was right in front of her with two big strides, his lips crashing on hers with unexpected passion. Helen was too surprised to think about her reaction. She instinctively kissed him back, granting him access, letting him deepen the kiss, allowing his hands to explore her body. 60 seconds later she was in control of herself again. She pushed him away, staring at him dumbfounded.

"Shit. What are you doing?"

"Expressing my gratitude."

He gave her an outrageously sexy smirk and it took Helen just a split second to grab him by his shirt and pull him close again to kiss him feverishly. She wanted him. She wanted him badly. She wanted him now.

August pressed her against the wall with his huge body, caressing her tits through her clothes while kissing her neck. She moaned and started to tug at his shirt. He took it off in a hurry and Helen got rid of her top and bra. When they kissed again she let her hands run over his chest gently, making sure not to hurt him. She pulled away and looked at him, at his scarred face that was still so handsome now that the wounds were healing and the swelling had gone down around his eye. August averted his eyes, burying his head in the crook of her neck again, withdrawing from her gaze.

"Turn around", he mumbled, taking her by her waist.

She did what he asked her to do but when she heard him fumble with his belt and the sound of his pants hitting the floor behind her back, when his hands tried to pull down her sweatpants impatiently, she turned around again. She reached up and cupped his face with her tiny hands, running her thumb tenderly over his burnt skin.

"Listen, August. This is not going to be a quickie, okay? You want to express your gratitude? Great. I like this. But do it properly. Fuck me rough, if you want to, fuck me hard, but don't you dare to hide from me. Look at me. Kiss me. Give me the feeling of being wanted. Pretend it's more than just some kind of job."

He looked at her with an unreadable expression, hesitating for a moment. He opened his mouth but instead of saying something he pressed his lips together with a nod. Helen smiled at him before stripping naked slowly.

When he kissed her again he took his time, enjoying the sensation of holding her naked body close to his now. She was surprised by his tenderness, by his gentle touch and the delicate kisses he covered her body with and blown away by the passion that soon erupted from deep within him. It was just a small step from long, slow kisses to making out like two hungry predators.

He lifted her up easily and carried her to her bed where he laid her down on her back carefully. He climbed between her legs and looked at her.

"Ready to get fucked like never before?"

She smirked. "Big words. I hope you're not all mouth."

"You don't like my mouth?" He started to kiss her belly, licking her skin, leaving a wet trace that led down south where his tongue met her soft pubic hair.

"I love your mouth."

Helen moaned when he kissed her pussy and parted her folds with his tongue.

"Yeah? You like my tongue too?"

He started to tongue fuck her and she grabbed his head, pressing his face closer to her sex.

"Shut up and eat me out."

She threw her head back when sucked on her clit.

"Oh fuck…" She moved her hips slowly to the rhythm of his actions, rolling them with intense motions, burying her fingers in his thick, curly hair. "Just like this...yes."

Her moans got louder and louder and his dick was so hard it hurt, leaking precum. He knew she was about to come but she stopped him before she climaxed.

"Lay down", she ordered and so they switched positions. August had always been a dominant lover but being bossed around by her was a great turn on. He loved how determined she was, it was incredibly sexy how she was chasing her high, not even trying to hide that she wanted to fulfil her own needs most of all. She was starved, desperately in need of this, of him. In this moment she needed him, she wanted him, she allowed him to give her what she was craving.

Helen was kneeling between his legs now, grabbing his dick. "I love your cock too." She grinned at him before she started to suck him off with a devotion that was new to him.

She turned him into a whimpering, panting mess soon, her lips and her tongue working their magic on his dick, and just like her, he grabbed her head to have some kind of control over her actions. He made her take him deeper and she took him deeper.

"Good girl. Taking me so well."

His voice was raspy and she locked eyes with him, her gaze telling him that she liked to be praised. August groaned when she slowly pulled back, licking his length one last time.

"Fuck, Helen...I need to feel you."

"I'll make you feel me."

Saliva was dripping from her swollen lips and he almost got off just by the sight of it. His saviour, his saint had turned into a shameless whore and he was willing to worship and adore her for being his dirty, little slut.

"Yes, you will."

He grabbed her by her waist and pulled her onto his cock. She sighed with pleasure when he entered her tight cunt, stretching her wet pussy and as soon as she got used to his size she started to ride him, rolling her hips slowly in a rhythm that was giving them both the greatest pleasure. August stroked her tits, caressed and kneaded them and she supported her body with her hands on his chest. She picked up speed and when August pinched her nipple she came with a hoarse shriek, her whole body trembling with ecstasy and lust.

Helen bent down to kiss him and he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly while thrusting his hips. He fucked her without restraint now, his thrusts hard, fast and deep. He railed her mercilessly until his intense orgasm swept him away. He let out a long, satisfied moan and loosened his grip on her body.

He kissed her again but she seemed to be in a rush suddenly and rolled off him and went to the bathroom. August was kind of surprised and sobered to a certain degree when he heard that she was taking a shower. She either couldn't stand after-sex-cuddles in general or she really thought that he had just done her a favor to thank her for her hospitality.

He wondered how many times he would have to fuck her till she was willing to fall asleep in his arms afterwards.

*****

#henry cavill #cavillry #henry cavill fandom #august walker smut #august walker #august walker fanfiction #august walker x ofc

[goodnightmemes]

DEXTER SEASON ONE SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ You're mine now, so do exactly as I say. ❜

❛ Open your eyes and look at what you did! ❜

❛ I'm a very neat monster. ❜

❛ Pretty fucking please with cheese on top. ❜

❛ You have a morbid sense of fun. ❜

❛ What happened changed something inside you. ❜

❛ If God is in the details, and if I believed in God, then he's in this room with me. ❜

❛ I can kill a man, dismember his body, and be home in time for "Letterman." But knowing what to say when my girlfriend's feeling insecure...I'm totally lost. ❜

❛ Neither you nor I is in complete control of our destinies. ❜

❛ There are no secrets in life, just hidden truths that lie beneath the surface. ❜

❛ Keeping my face pinched in sorrow for two hours straight is a real chore. ❜

❛ A whole life reduced to ashes. ❜

❛ I can't help it. I kill things. ❜

❛ When you take a man's life, you're not just killing him, you're snuffing out all the things he'll ever become. ❜

❛ Killing must serve a purpose. Otherwise it's murder. ❜

❛ You don't play by the rules. Why should I? ❜

❛ If I had a heart, it might be breaking right now. ❜

❛ I'm all for sending the message, but this ain't the way. ❜

❛ Scream and lose a tongue. ❜

❛ Death isn't the end. It's the beginning of a chain reaction that will catch you if you're not careful. ❜

❛ If I let someone get that close, they'd see who I really am, and I can't let that happen. ❜

❛ I like it here with you. You're the only person people hate more than me. ❜

❛ Sometimes, I'm not sure where _____'s vision of me ends and the real me starts. ❜

❛ Everyone hides who they are at least some of the time. ❜

❛ So I'm neither man nor beast. I'm something new entirely, with my own set of rules. ❜

❛ Stop grinning like a fucking psycho and get back to work. ❜

❛ Freedom's just another word for one more way to get fucked. ❜

❛ Maybe you should just learn the basics before you reinvent the damn wheel. ❜

❛ The problem with acting normal is normal people get into stupid situations like this. ❜

❛ Maybe if I don't blink, my eyes will tear up. ❜

❛ Under normal circumstances, I'd take that as a compliment. ❜

❛ Keeping the truth from the people closest to you is how you'll survive, and how you'll protect them if anything goes wrong. ❜

❛ Every time something goes a little bit right, something like this happens. ❜

❛ God, I feel like I need a shower just looking at this douche bag. ❜

❛ ____ will forgive me eventually. That's who she is - bighearted, kind, nothing like me. ❜

❛ The only sound I hear, the only sound in the entire world...is my heart beating. ❜

❛ I swear, after this case, I'm submitting your ass for psychiatric evaluation. ❜

❛ We hit the motherfucking mother lode. ❜

❛ When did you first notice it? This darkness inside the guy you fell for. ❜

❛ God, this is such a mess, and I've dragged you into it. ❜

❛ Just let me grab my heart up off the fucking floor. ❜

❛ Goddamn, you are fine when you're mad. ❜

❛ Fascination with serial killers is an American pastime. ❜

❛ All the expectations I had, all the promises of greatness, wiped out. ❜

❛ My circle of friends is down to one. ❜

❛ Don't kill anyone who doesn't deserve to die. ❜

❛ I'm empty...but I found a way to make it feel less bottomless. ❜

❛ You pretend the feelings are there for the world, and for the people around you. Who knows? Maybe one day they will be. ❜

❛ I always prided myself on being an outsider, but now, I feel the need to connect with someone. ❜

❛ Why do bloodstains always look like crustaceans to you? ❜

❛ To some people, death makes perfect sense. Life - now, that's the puzzle. ❜

❛ This is the only way I know how to keep you out of an electric chair. ❜

❛ It feels like... I hate saying this. It sounds so fucking cheesy. It feels like making love. ❜

❛ I do have another motive. It's called a paycheck. ❜

❛ For the first time in a long while, I saw how easy it would be for me to fall back into my old life. ❜

❛ I guess this matters to me. So if I talk about it and it goes away, I'm actually losing something. ❜

❛ There must have been a time in your life when you felt powerless. ❜

❛ I'm gonna tell you something that I've never told anyone before. I'm a serial killer. ❜

❛ You're awake. Shall we analyze your dreams? ❜

❛ Trauma can distort the memory. ❜

❛ Well, thanks for the vote of fucking confidence. ❜

❛ Death is the great unifier. ❜

❛ My fingerprints were all over it. I figured it was prudent to get rid of the evidence. ❜

❛ I know I should be sorry that we met under these circumstances, but truthfully, I think it was the best way to get to know you. ❜

❛ My concrete foundation is turning to shifting sand. ❜

❛ Something finally got to you. I guess you're human after all. ❜

❛ You can talk to me, you know? Just got to open your mouth and move it. ❜

❛ I can always see other people's problems more clearly than my own. ❜

❛ What'd the freak do this time, boil your goldfish? ❜

❛ Thanks, but unless you know an expert in repressed memories… ❜

❛ You are all the family that I have, and I barely know you. ❜

❛ How often does someone get a chance to help catch a bad guy, huh? ❜

❛ You've been a problem. It's time for you to go away. ❜

❛ So, this is doom. I've been the architect of so much of it. It's only fair I should know what all the fuss is all about. ❜

❛ Don't you dare! Not in front of my baby! ❜

❛ Close your eyes, _____. ❜

❛ I've never had much use for the concept of hell, but if hell exists, I'm in it. ❜

❛ It climbed inside me that day, and it's been with me ever since -- My dark passenger.

❛ Don't struggle. That never helps. ❜

❛ I'm compressing your carotid artery, and that is cutting off oxygen to your brain. In about 10 seconds, you'll be unconscious. ❜

❛ Does that make you feel anything? Anything at all? ❜

❛ If I'd have known that this would get you back in the same room with me, I would have gotten stabbed sooner. ❜

❛ I put myself out there. I set myself up to get hurt. ❜

❛ No wonder I felt so disconnected my entire life. If I did have emotions, I'd have to feel...this. ❜

❛ You're not a parent. You don't understand. You do anything to protect your kids. ❜

❛ It's who you know and who you blow. ❜

❛ If you came for an apology, you wasted a tank of gas. ❜

❛ I mean, a real hour, not one of your "let's stretch this out till 2:00 a.m. you might as well stay and have sex" hours. ❜

❛ I don't often make mistakes, but when I do, they haunt me. ❜

❛ So desperate to fall in love. ❜

❛ I've lived in darkness a long time. Over the years, my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. ❜

❛ Surprise, motherfucker. ❜

❛ Spin me a story, asshole. ❜

❛ This is not the way I envisioned our family reunion. ❜

❛ You don't ever have to apologize to me. Not for who you are or anything you do. ❜

❛ Imagine how I felt when I tracked you down and found out you were exactly like me. ❜

❛ You can be yourself with me. Your real, genuine self. ❜

❛ You can't be a killer and a hero. It doesn't work that way! ❜

❛ I was so scared. I was so scared. ❜

❛ What am I, one of your victims now? ❜

❛ You should know this isn't easy for me. ❜

❛ You're the only one I ever wanted to set free. ❜

❛ Sorry. I can't hear any more...'cause you're right. ❜

❛ My devil danced with his demon, and the fiddler's tune isn't over. ❜

❛ I wonder what it would be like for everything inside me that's denied and unknown to be revealed. ❜

❛ This is what it must feel like to walk in full sunlight, my darkness revealed, my shadow self embraced. ❜

#rp meme #sentence starters #rp memes #rp sentence meme #ask meme #*mine #*tv #*dexter