#first time trying to make a fake screenshot. it was a fun experiment.

[artingstarvist]

AU Where Hua Cheng hugged him.

#tgcf #tgcf fanart #heaven official's blessing #hualian #xie lian #hua cheng #first time trying to make a fake screenshot. it was a fun experiment. #i dont really do anime style so i had to use references and i just painted over one of the backgrounds but w/e i think it turned out ok #I dont think it would fool anyone tho haha #my art

[tavyliasin]

Making the Most of Discord - Fandom Server Layout

As I've had more than a few positive reviews of my delightful House of Hopeful Sinners (aside from the fun fake reviews we put together for the post in my pinned advertising the space) I figured I might use the setup to help demonstrate the potential ways to use the features when making your own server.

This is by no means saying "this is the only right and correct way to set up a server" it's more of a "this is how I manage it and it has worked really well for our purposes, feel free to use what we learned from it in your own spaces!"

I'll put different headings below the cut as we go so you can skip to what you need, and a little shameless self promotion right here for our creative focused 18+ NSFW Baldur's Gate 3 Fandom space~ CWs - Screenshots show mention of NSFW topics and titles. There are no details but some of the topics are words that would be on CW lists.

Rules, Ownership, and Mods

Starting out your own server is exciting, and we don't like to sit here and think "we're going to have problems", but it really is best to try and anticipate issues and put rules in place to prevent them. This is really going to vary based on the kind of place you are running, but as long as everything is clear your users can feel confident in the space. Nothing can damage a community more than a disagreement that is blown way out of proportion or an incident that gets out of hand. None of us are immune to mistakes, either, so being prepared is the best first step!

Make Your Rules Clear

Ambiguity in the rules is a very easy stumbling block. Keep your rules nice and clear, as specific as they need to be, and make sure that your moderation team are happy with the rules and how you would like them to be enforced when needed. I strongly recommend using a reaction role bot with your rules post so members agree they have read and understood the rules before entering the main server (more on roles and bots later!)

Choose Your Mods Wisely

Temptation might be to choose mods from friends, and that can be a good way to go! However, even with the best intentions, not everyone is going to mod in the way you would like them to. It can often be better to be a little more selective, and either offer the position to people who have mod experience already or use an application form with some questions that will help see if the mods will uphold your server values the way you prefer.

It can also be helpful to cover different time zones if your server is international, and having enough people will mean that nobody feels pressured or guilty if they need a break for any reason. Remember too that mods are volunteers, if you're the owner then final decisions and responsibility will come down to you in the end.

Age Restriction and User Safety

If you want to host NSFW content you need to be aware of user safety. Your most basic tool here is to set channels as age restricted. This is technically enough to cover you legally as the user has to manually confirm via a popup that they are old enough to view the content.

Personally? I prefer spaces that are explicitly 18+. I ensure this in HOHS by having people specify to a mod what year they were born. People are less likely to lie to someone directly than they are to click away a popup. This said, I do not recommend taking IDs or personal details due to Data Protection laws in various countries (as well as your members' rights to privacy, should they wish it). Verbal confirmation of the year of birth is fine. If you find someone is underage later, you can kick/ban them.

If your space is open to all ages with only some 18+ channels, you may want to verify birth year with users before they get a role to access those channels.

The reason for this is twofold. First, obviously, is safeguarding minors in online spaces. Although we are all well aware that minors access unsuitable content on their own, it shouldn't be encouraged or openly allowed, particularly with socialising with adults. The second reason is that any adult discussing NSFW topics with a known minor - even from an informal educational point of view without any unpleasant behaviour or intention - is very much at risk of ending up on a watch list. I'm very serious on that one. I have friends who have seen entire Discord servers and all their members in real legal trouble and on offender registers because the server knowingly allowed minors to participate in NSFW content channels.

So. Keep all of your members safe, check when you need to, and set up your channels and rules in the way that suits your space.

Categories and Basic Layout

Layout and Category Names

Your top category should be your welcome area if you have one, with your rules and whatever channel you want people to arrive in first at the very top. It can be tempting to put your admin section at the top, but this can make it more awkward to make your server invitations. Each category should also be nice and clear as to what is found there, so members can find the channels they want even when all the categories are collapsed.

This is how I arrange my welcome area, which is several channels which all technically contain rules (Contract Signing is the main rule list which users are directed to manually when we verify their age and give them access - more on that later!) but I personally prefer to make it easier for people to find things separately rather then being overwhelmed in one long channel. Use the layout that works for you!

A lot of servers also prefer to have separate categories for NSFW content, which is a very good way to run things if you want to have specifically separated content for peoples' comfort. You won't see that in the HOHS channels though as we are set up to be NSFW by default, and there is essentially only one pure SFW chat channel.

Naming Channels and Server Maps

I also personally prefer easy channel names. Whilst fun nods to fandom things might be an aesthetic/flavour choice, it may not be as helpful for your members to know where a piece of content or conversation belongs~ Having a map with a brief description of each channel's purpose will also help members to navigate, especially in a larger space.

Whilst it can be nice to use symbols or emojis in your channel names to denote the content (particularly using the 18 symbol for NSFW areas) this might make it a lot harder to link the channels in your server map or for users to link the channel to say "let's move our chat to this channel" when the topic changes, or "there's more on that topic over here". Emojis can work at the end of channel names with less interference, and honestly is something I am considering for aesthetics, though it's a lower priority.

Text Channels, Forum Channels, Voice Channels, and Threads

This is a big one for organisation so I'm going to go over them in sub headings one by one!

Text Channels

These are your bread and butter basic chat channels. They're wonderful for discussions and general chat, but in my opinion their weakness is in content sharing. Things like fan creations can get lost quickly when people respond to them, so you risk either discouraging the chat about a piece of work or losing work in the sea of conversation.

You can, of course, use slow mode in text channels so that users can only post once in each period of time. For extra busy servers, or open public servers, this can be a useful tool in spam prevention too!

Messages can be pinned in text channels which is handy for instructions, references, or other important information, but you are limited to a maximum of 20 pins and they might not be obvious to all users.

There are other ways to refine your text channels. For example, you can select whether people can post images, voice notes, files, and links into a channel. This is very useful if you need to prevent spam in a more important channel, or if you do not want to moderate the use of voice notes (more on those later).

For things like WIPs, some people like to have a slow mode so one new post every 6 hours and contain the discussion on that post to Threads. This can be helpful for some setups and work well, but it may still make older works harder to find so it's better just for more regular progress rather than a library of works.

Threads

Threads are essentially a side conversation within a text channel. They're fantastic for certain purposes like discussing an item that was shared, or containing a long conversation on one topic, and particularly things like discussions on lore and research that people might want to come back to at a later date without having to search through a text channel.

Text channels have a setting for how long threads will remain visible in a channel list.

After this time, threads are still available within the channel from the threads tab, but won't show up in the channel list until there is new activity inside the thread. Below is what threads might look like when active in the channel list - we use them in HOHS for Kink Specific Chat which means that only the people who have joined the threads will see them when they're active, and allows for people to choose which of those in depth conversations they want to be a part of. Informed Consent, really, and I keep a list of links to the threads in the CW list channel so people have an easy reference to find the content they do want to engage with more.

But these could be used for anything you like, from character specific chats to off-topic discussions, and you have the choice in your role setup to allow any members to create/use threads or have them only created by your mod/admin team so you have more control if you don't want a lot of threads popping up that are harder to moderate. This is how our kink specific topics appear in the channel list, but they are only visible here to those who have joined them. Like text channels, users can mute threads at any time and they won't get the white dot of new activity, or users can also leave threads if they want to leave that conversation entirely. Threads can be locked by moderators or put into slow mode too, so you do have options for control where needed.

(I also just want to note that the Feminization topic thread is not in the slightest bit transphobic or problematic, though it is here because not everyone is comfortable with that content and we respect that in this house~ HOHS is a very LGBTQIA+ positive and inclusive space)

Forum Channels

These are my absolute bread and butter for sharing fanfiction, art, and resources. Forums are newer to Discord, so it might take a bit of learning and convincing for more experienced users to get used to them, but trust me on this one; when you have Forums set up they are a much better way to display and discuss creative works.

The reasoning really is that works are searchable, taggable, and people can confidently discuss a work without worrying about clogging a chat channel.

Forum posts can look a lot like threads in the channel list, and have a similar timeout method for how long they stay in the channel list with no new comments/activity in them.

This is an example if how I've arranged the HOHS FanFic "Library" - I have covered the names of most of the fic post titles for other users' privacy and left my own visible as the examples for you. Similarly to Threads, only the posts that a user has interacted with will show up in their channel list, so you don't need to worry about everyone's channel lists being swamped with forum posts that aren't relevant to them.

So here, each of the speech bubble headers is the Forum Channel title. When you're actually in a forum channel you (or any member) can refine how the posts are viewed. Here's some of the art share channels. I have covered the images to protect the works, as I do keep strict rules that art must have a link to the original artwork on a public share by the artist unless the artist is the one posting (ie, no sharing paid patreon only works or things the artist has not made public) so that proper appreciation can be shown to the original.

So this is in "Gallery View" where each post appears as a square with an image preview if there are images. You'll also see tags on the posts - these are a great way to find works and sort through them! You can have up to 20 tags available, and members can apply up to 5 tags to a single post. The tags can then be selected in the gallery menu to show works with that tag on them. This is what I have under "Main Character Art"

You can choose the emojis, and you are able to use your server emojis for these tags too if you like! Unfortunately though this is going to be a tedious part of setting up forum channels, you can't copy them over.

As an example of tag filtering and List View of a Forum, here's the Villain Fic Forum. So again we have those friendly grey boxes to protect the privacy of other members, but I've left my content uncovered for you~

Here you can see I've selected the Haarlep filter, so it is showing works with the Haarlep tag starting with the most recent. List view shows a shorter preview of each piece, and I hovered over the +1 part of the tags on the third post to show you how the extra tags can be seen. The most recent comment is displayed in the preview as well.

So essentially this way people can share their art and fics without worrying they'll get lost. People can also discuss each work in its own post without a long list of threads, and browse older additions based on the tagging system or searching by title in the top bar.

I think that mostly covers forums other than the setup of them which is relatively straightforward - similar to text channels you can use slow mode for both new forum posts and/or comments on forum posts, and the tags can be whatever you want them to be. Just remember you have a maximum of 20 tags for each forum channel and a maximum of 5 per post.

The only other thing is when you are adding tags there might be errors if you have made any other changes to the channel - save those changes with this button before trying to add tags!

Voice Channels

The last area to look at is Voice Channels. These are going to be harder to moderate, so you may want to consider what your community is like and what you want and need from voice channels.

Voice channels come with their own chat channel attached which can be useful for those who don't use a mic, those just dropping by who haven't joined the voice (so you can see here I'm not actively in the VC but I can open the chat window), for sharing images/links that you're discussing in voice, and similar.

Some people prefer to have a separate text channel to chat in alongside voice, which can be better for when you're streaming or running activities, because the attached text chat takes up a part of even the popout window for the voice/streaming/activity.

There are more options like stage channels where you can have a limited number of presenters and the audience are muted. This is great if you want to host talks or specific events and watch parties!

Lots of options so you can age restrict the channels as needed, as well as setting user limits. When a voice channel is active you can also set a status to it. You can choose if members are allowed to do this or only certain roles, but it's a good way to let members know what's going on without joining.

You might need to be cautious with the quality and settings on these if people have difficulty participating with connection quality.

Again, moderation is going to be a concern in a larger or open server, so make sure you have rules established and that members know who to contact in case of issues. But when used well, voice channels can be a lot of fun and even comforting or inspiring for members to get together and play games or work on creative pieces alongside one another. You can even host watch parties with some services.

Roles and Permissions

Roles are going to be the backbone of your member organisation. Beyond the usual Mods and Member roles, you can use them for a number of different organisational and interactive features within your server.

The Order Of Roles

The function of roles will go in the order you have them in your server. This determines where they show up on the member list (it is optional to have roles separate like this), the image that will show up with a member's name who has the role (this is for level 2 and 3 boosted servers), and the colour of a user's name who has the role.

So here even if a Haarlep's Helper Mod had the Swinger of Swords role, their name would be that red tone. Similarly if a user chose both Healer of Souls and Friend of Nature, their name would be Yellow because Healer is the higher ordered colour.

Role Colours

The main thing to remember with Role Colours is to ensure that they are easy to read for people using the default light or dark mode of Discord. Those who pay for Nitro may have more options for background colours, but most members will use the defaults. You will see examples when setting the roles that can help you determine if the colour you have picked will work. The default list are balanced relatively well to have contrast to show up in a readable manner for you, so it's more the custom colours that you might have trouble with.

So that standard dark red is pretty clear on both, but this custom blue is somewhat painful on the dark mode version:

Similarly this pale yellow is perfect on the dark mode, but against the light mode background it's almost invisible.

Commonly Used Roles

Some of the most commonly used roles are for pronouns, so users have an easy way to know how to refer to their friends in chat. Some servers like to assign a colour to these for a quick visible reference. I've used images with them in HOHS

So this is also in the order so that the highest role is the one that appears next to the name (you can only have one image icon unfortunately), and hovering over the image will also show the role name.

This is just one way you can make use of the roles for your members~ I'll go over making it easy for members to choose them a bit lower down but I would like to mention one of my favourite uses of roles:

Optional Pingable Roles

These are some of the more basic alert roles I use - members can opt in, and some of them are able to be pinged (notification tag) by any members. So people can use "@ Beta Reader" to ask for those with the role if they're available to help read and edit a WIP, and the admin/mod roles can alert members to server changes with the Server News Alert role.

One way I really like to make use of these for member engagement is character based pings which are perfect for fandom servers like ours~

These are just a few, I've got them set up for a lot of characters, and allowed anyone to mention the roles. I encourage members to use them for both fics and art, so people with the role know there is new content for their favourite and where to find it. With the bot setup, people can remove their role at any time if they find the notifications overwhelming.

So this is an example where I used them for a fic, tagging the character roles. We do the same when sharing found works and art, which means those looking for the content don't miss their favourites.

Role Permissions

Your roles can all be customised to have global permissions, and each channel can have its own permission overrides where needed too. So for example you might want a role to be able to post images and files in most of the server, but you might not want that role to post them in a specific channel that you want to keep as text only.

It takes a while but properly setting up each channel will give you better control over the content to reduce the moderation work in the long run (ie, you won't need to ask people not to put things in the wrong places).

A Note On Voice Notes

Voice notes are going to be a very personal preference thing. I generally prefer not to use them, because users may not be able to listen to them at the time which makes moderation more difficult too. I have also seen issues arise from the use of voice notes, especially when people post them with no context note of what to expect.

So, personally, I disable voice notes in my server. I have seen them well used in other places, and they can arguably be an accessibility feature, however if you leave voice to text and text to voice enabled then those who need to hear or use voice instead of typing should still be able to interact as they need to.

I would generally advise asking members to leave at least a few words with their voice note, for example "replying to [username]" or "impression of [character]" or "discussion of [topic]" so that people know what to expect when they hit play. It's entirely up to each of us how we run our own spaces, however, so choose the best option for you and your server~

Helpful Bots and Setup

Bots can help you get the most out of your server without too much hard work once they're all set. These are the ones I personally use and recommend for different features, but there are a number of options out there to choose from!

Reaction Roles

If you have roles, this is the easiest way to allow people to choose and assign them for themselves and change them when they wish!

So this is using Carlbot https://carl.gg , which I have renamed "The Archivist" for a theme in our server. There are a lot of functions to Carlbot, but the most commonly used are these reaction roles.

It's relatively easy to set up, but you will need to manually type or copy the emoji code for the reacts you're using for the roles. There are a few other settings you can play with there too, like only allowing those with certain roles to pick up a new role.

It's also a great one to have people confirm they have read your rules to access the main server if you role lock your main channels to the member role.

Starboard

One fun feature that Carl (and some other bots) have is Starboard. This is a way for members to highlight their favourite messages on the server and look back at those moments! You can choose how many star reactions are needed for a post to go there, then they will automatically be sent to your starboard channel. You can also choose whether or not to include NSFW marked channels, so if you want Starboard to be SFW only that is an option. One that I didn't take for HOHS given that we are NSFW by default~

Ticket Bots

This is one of your easiest moderation tools - you can use a bot like https://ticketsbot.net/ which will allow users to raise an issue privately with ease. The command is often /open to bring up a new ticket which mods can then join - it'll show up as a thread for you. It doesn't take too much setup on the dashboard and there are other options, but this can be a lot easier than asking people to DM a mod directly.

Automated Messages

Carl and other bots can send automated messages on a schedule for you. This can also include notifying certain roles, so if you want to have a weekly progress check-in set up for creative communities, or even self care reminders a couple of times per day, that's all very easy to get running and can help you to keep the community ticking over with engagement on a semi-regular basis.

Post Embed Fixing

Meet one of my favourite content bots - Keto (Click here to add it to your server). This one takes site links to Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and others and puts a proper visible or playable version in the server.

This is so useful particularly for TikTok where the standard Discord setup will show you a still image with a play button on it.

You can see here that the bot automatically takes the link and converts it to a playable video (which is a still image here, but you can see the buffering bar on there). As with other bots, I gave it a nickname in the server for flavour and fun~

Good Gods That's A Lot Of Work

I know, right? Setting up a server isn't something you can do overnight, not if you want to have a larger space. Often servers will reorganise as they go, making more space as they find what their needs are, but if you can set up how you want it from the start, that can make things a lot easier so people don't have to adapt and adjust as much to a change.

Any Questions?

I think I covered pretty much everything other than the very basics of server setup, but I am more than happy to help any of you with questions about the setup, use of forums, channel layout, and anything else you need with your Discord organising~

And as always, those who share our values are welcome in my House of Hopeful Sinners~

#Discord #bg3 discord #Discord Setup #fandom discord #fandom community #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #creative community

[kinocomix]

devlog 15: meanwhile...

The script for TSTW is coming along. So far I have written 3 scenes. i expect the pace to pick up soon, but to be completely honest with you we’re deep in the “trust the process” part of the making of this. it’s been a bit weird finally jumping into the deep end of this, i’ve prepared for it but the inevitable “this is a different story” realization finally kicked in. we march on. 

As that’s happening I want to discuss an idea I’ve had for a while that won’t really work as a webcomic per se-i imagine It’ll instead be released as a PDF or something (i’ll figure that out later) here’s what i have so far. some time ago I drew this character that a friend jokingly said should be called killouette. (this design was an early one)

i quite liked the energy she was giving off since it reminded me of my cousin christy so initially i wanted to make a children’s book. I even got to the third draft and had some semblance of the idea of what it would look like. we’ll be talking about that later. here's the scrapped script for that:

The reason I ended up ditching the idea of making it a children’s book is because I honestly don’t feel comfortable squeezing narratives into that small a form factor. I genuinely envy people who can do that and make it the only version of the story worth telling, as opposed to a more expanded version being the superior one. So I shelved the idea for a while until one day I was having a conversation with a friend about an experience he had as a scout. What's to note here is that I was sharing the fact that I didn’t have any worthwhile adventurous memories as a kid because I was an indoor kid. We’ll talk about that in another devlog but I want to bring your attention to a very specific thing that I do with my projects. when an idea had something interesting but not enough meat and potatoes to justify the time investment, it usually ends up getting combined with another one.

case in point: I really liked growing up media about kids with practical intelligence like Harriet the spy or kids next door or spy kids. There's like sixty million examples I can give and while I’ve always contemplated making my own, I never saw a reason to seen the overcrowded niche. At some point last year it clicked with me that i could combine the current skills that i have with killouette and the idea of very smart kids and use that as a jumping off point to talk about my experience growing up: that of an indoor child with helicopter parents who didn’t do many things. now obviously if i did that one to one it would be a depressing slog of a book that was mostly unintended emotional child abuse occasionally interrupted by me talking to my therapist at 25. instead, here’s the vision:

the book would be formatted to look like a child’s diary, except that this child loves drawing and presents their diary as a comic book. It would be a compilation of multiple children’s points of view all drawn by the same person detailing their adventures in trying to do normal kid things such as smuggle candy or get internet access. what’s better is that it makes sense for killouette to be the person drawing here because in some ways her being the head of operation who lives vicariously through her friends is the most empowering thing you could do. kids are also like, very smart. here’s some of the screenshots i’ve been compiling off of reddit:

this one is a fake doctor’s note that was presented to a school:

So really, the only suspension of disbelief here is the fact that the characters are animals. I’d like to include an annex for the schematics for all the machines that the kids make in the book. In addition, it would be really fun doing some parallel storytelling here (I’ve explained this in devlog 5). Maybe since this is a child's journal, it was packed alongside their favorite book, which could be about these two:

and we could use this second story to talk about the themes of the first one in a more mature way that’s not filtered through the lens of a child.

great! making a plot at this point emerges naturally from the subject matter: what does a kid care about enough to put in their journal? I have the answer since I technically started thinking about this at the same time as this devlog started. Kids want to have fun. What does a kid hate and is afraid of? having fun taken away. great. how do we embody these two things within our narrative?

for the having fun thing, it involves answering several other questions which is the point of the whole book. what actions do these kids undertake to get what they want and what are they trying to work around? off the top of my head, based on my personal experience they could be trying to do normal kid things that they’re not usually allowed to do: leave the house, see each other outside school, have internet, pass the time… while thinking about all this i realized that everything would come as an extension of the characters because the events and reality the story takes place in are very normal. so:

Talbas, a bear who acts as the computer wis of the group. He has access to the internet thanks to a previously successfully executed plan by the group, which was to connect an ethernet cable from the cafe at the bottom of the building to his house on the fifth floor. Talbas is a girl, easily excitable and way too down the rabbit hole of weird internet videos she should not be watching at her age. She can be quite prone to anger, given her history of online gaming and is usually the first to suggest new activities for the group to do. She's clumsy and lazy and very awkward in person, but in reality she cares deeply about everyone in the group and is always happy to be there in person.

bata tete, whose gender is never known. The kids simply refer to them as “bata” and never use any pronouns, even addressing the fact that they have no idea if they’re a boy or a girl and that it doesn’t matter, because they’re really strong and good at aiming. bata is on the large side, and frequently lets their gluttony get the best of them which is the main reason behind the candy fiasco of july 2018*. bata is very brave, gentle, and generous and frequently strands on the frontline of the group’s operations, though they can be stubborn due to their anxiety, [redacted]

Motsik, a skinny chicken who acts as the eye of the group. motsik owns a walkie talkie the other end of which is with killouette. Motsik is very softly spoken, quiet, only ever speaking when spoken to. [redacted] he also mentions at one point how he enjoys being in high up places, and wishes he could bring killouette (and even the others) to see things from his point of view. he has some self destructive tendencies that show up for example in his lack of desire to participate in some of the group’s plans, in response to which killouette has to coax him in. his occasional apathy is contrasted by his encyclopedic knowledge of certain topics, as well as his undying loyalty and love for the group. 

Falefil the bear is the spokesperson of the group. his parents are frequently shown being very kind to him. He's very polite and is learning to play the flute, citing that one day he wants to own a tin whistle:

falefil is a coward, frequently bowing out the second danger peeks its head around the corner. he’s also neglectful [redacted] he has the iq of a tomato plant and is very spaced out. [redacted]

Zmik is the new kid in town. He acts as the audience surrogate in some scenes and is…boring. He doesn’t do much, rarely has anything interesting to say on account of having lived a very similar “jailed” life to killouette up until that point. Recently he’s been allowed out of the house, and over the course of the story his character develops as he takes on the different sensibilities of the group.

Claude is a hercules beetle that lives in killouette’s closet, frequently helping her spy on her parents for intel. she’s her best friend, is a genius when it comes to making contraptions and [redacted] for the most part, claude is very cheerful and is always excited to talk about science, her inventions or anything really. She's very curious and is always excited to socialize or plan some new scheme. She's quite intolerant of authority, frequently showing signs of vengefulness whenever parents affect one of her friends.

Lastly there’s killouette. part of what killouette’s job is, is balancing all the moving parts and variables between the different members of the group. She's the mastermind of the operation, and is fiercely protective of her friends. if you hurt one of them, you have another thing coming. mischievous to her core, incredibly caring yet meek in the face of her parents. She's never allowed to leave her house alone for whatever reason other than school, and so decided to cultivate her gang of criminal friends that live nearby by inviting them to her house, eventually causing her friend’s parents to have her come for sleepovers. The story is centered around empowering the idea of killouette, so she doesn’t have any noteworthy flaws. 

I don't know exactly what all these mission impossible things they want to do are, but i do have a semblance of a plot structure with an end goal, thus the [redacted] bits in the above section. I don't have much in the way of themes yet, but I do know the core thesis is problems are what you make of them. In this phase of the devlog as I’m writing the script for TSTW, we’re going to be working on killouette. it’s less research than TSTW, but I do think there’s a lot of interesting things to talk about here. 

that’s it for now.

devlog updates on tuesdays. 

#comic #webcomic #kinocomix #devlog #graphic novel #journal comic

[revilleaj]

Art update & 3D Robodi model images

It has been quite a while since I've last really done anything online. I've been heavily burned out and tired constantly since at least December or so (I have done drawings in months prior, but I have never posted them publically). I still do not have a new computer, even though I have enough money (about £1k) to buy the parts or even an entire computer, but there are other factors in life that need more attention being put towards right now.

I'm still in the midst of trying to get a job (damn required experience and driving license listings!), and drawing right now is bottom priority. It feels like a chore and it's not fun when I have rusted from not drawing in so long (making so many mistakes really sets off my anger problems). I really do not like being pressured into trying to do things, and I have been experimenting with 3D, but only to an extent.

So, with that said, I am going to put making newer drawings on hold for an indefinite amount of time until I feel motivated enough to draw. I'm not done with art entirely and I never will be, but I think I really shouldn't pressure myself as if art is some kind of requirement in life. I've been also having drawing tablet issues, and I noticed there's a small crack in my Huion that I haven't been able to use almost ever since I had it (thankfully the thing still works, and the crack is near the top, only half getting on the drawing area).

I may also finally add some images to my empty DeviantArt account. As much as I do not like that website nor its community, I think it would work if I just put my favorite drawings I've worked on there, specifically ones up until the end of 2023. All of the really old and weaker art (mostly from 2018 and 2020, and anything from 2017) I won't be reposting, as they no longer reflect me, and have not done so for a very long time.

-----

Now, for the second topic of this post, and in a much better light; the 3D Robodi model. I'm sure I've talked about this years ago on Twitter. Back in 2020, when I was still in my first year of university, I worked on a 3D model of one of my characters named Robodi, using Cinema 4D. It was never finished, but I did learn quite a bit when working on it. Here's some newer screenshots of him, now that I've managed to pick back up an older version of C4D (I do not like the 2022 UI layout change):

This is the last version of the model to not be animated, from May 2020. The image is rendered using the Sketch & Toon shader with the Standard renderer. A few options were altered to remove unnecessary outlines.

The model in the renderer itself; right is the objects list, bottom are the materials (vertex colors and textures, some with C4D specific features).

The last ever version of this specific model from September 2021, with the FOV heavily reduced to improve the depth. A single black thin cube was added between the eyes to create a fake extra outline. A bit of a hacky effect; I did not know how to do inverted normals, in fact I don't think I knew that was how most computer games handled outlines.

The very first saved version of the model, in Cinema 4D's editor, made earlier in May 2020. The pieces have default names and are not parented, some materials are not added yet, and the shapes are noticeably bigger, especially the base of the head and the torso.

I once experimented with "realistic" materials and shading (including the dreadfully slow Global Illumination), which doesn't make the most sense for a cartoon character. Here you can see the unit plate on the back of his head, which I don't think I have ever shown before. The camera may look close here, but it's actually extremely far away with a very low FOV (dubbed Super-Telescope). Some textures are no longer in the project files, so this looks slightly off from how it did back in 2020.

In October 2021, I went back to the older May 2020 model and decided to try and remake it. I realized that using one mesh and extruding it works a lot better with the Sketch & Toon shader, as it does not create unnecessary outlines when the default shader options are left the way they are. The lines in the middle of the eyes and nose are from the shader, rather than a black material cube. Of course, it would be more wise to just duplicate each mesh, enlarge them and invert the normals while applying a pitch black texture to them. I abandoned the model shortly after the progress I made here, and I am not sure why. Maybe I was burned out and lost interest.

I should probably try to attempt making a 3D model of him again and some others, now that I know a lot more than I did nearly 4 years ago (yeah, can you believe it has also been nearly 6 years since my Reville character was created? Robodi was first created in mid-2019; almost 5 years ago! Good things take time and care). It will be a difficult task, but I'll make sure to export whatever I make to a .FBX model, so that it doesn't get lost to C4D licensing Hell. Hopefully, that would make the models work in Blender and such (the materials will have to be baked into textures however, instead of being separate C4D ones. At least .FBX doesn't use an external material file unlike .OBJ, which I and others have had issues with). Maybe I could use them for rotoscoping or somethin'.

Here's hoping to me eventually finding motivation, losing my tiredness, and getting a job with stable income alongside continuing to work on my passion projects, no matter how much time has past since the day I first thought of them. I want to keep doing things, not resting in bed most of my days. Too bad winter is freezing cold where I live, and I suffer from mild hypothermia...

#3d model #software #update #indie artist

[pioneeroverc-my-5000th-sideblog]

FOUR MONTH ART IMPROVEMENT RATE COMPARISON - May 2023

art block: 2/19 (from 2/19)

personal: 19/19

study/figure drawing sessions: 12/129 days(from 32/105) check numbers on these

Same goals as yearly - absolutely not, I've really fallen off on these. Currently re-evaluating whether these are actually doable

Finish DAB Lesson 7 - no, but I did make good progress on it last month!

1 finished piece with 2pt+ perspective plotted background (or two sketched screenshot studies with same) - I assume this was supposed to be 'per month'… I did five things with actual perspective in the entire four month period but two of them were just sketches and most of them were very plain and undetailed. NO WONDER I'm not getting better at this lol

one screenshot study per month - can focus on any area (perspective, expressions, colours, composition, etc.) - I DIDN'T DO THIS AT ALL

In May, I will have even more mileage drawing hands interacting with things and have experimented with different ways of ideating on composition thumbnails - actually true!Definitely not anywhere near good at drawing hands yet but my 3D sense improving is helping me draw interactions. I tried a few ways of doing thumbnails but nothing has really stuck more than my painful 'just draw a bunch of stuff and try to fit it together afterwards' process. At least I tried

Studies done: FIGUARY, DAB stuff, breakdowns for some random objects I needed to draw, Proko ribcage and shoulder bones, lots of tracing (boot opening contours, heads to see how eyes fit in at 3/4 view, stylised hair/outfit trims to see how different artists do them), one fold study, some form intersections

Ups and downs here, with periods of Good Study interspersed with (more) periods of I Am Too Unmotivated To Do Anything. Whenever I am struggling to draw something, I end up just not drawing anything at all, even stuff that's unrelated and should be fun for me. This is something I really wish I could overcome because it ends up making me more stressed out overall when I have The Thing I've Been Putting Off and then all my other fun ideas AND STUDIES in the back of my head that also feel like they have deadlines on them. I'm still having trouble drawing stuff that isn't a character staring blankly off-screen with a solid colour background.

I started drawing a bunch of fake FEH alts during this period, and although I've really enjoyed designing them and getting to do more in-depth inking and rendering for once, I do feel like my time could be better spent drawing full pieces with backgrounds and, like, any thought for composition (since I'm hitting my skill ceiling with perspective and anatomy in particular for the alts - and the full pieces look 5000x more impressive). I still have a bunch of time-sensitive ideas for them, so I'm really not sure what to do here.

IMPROVEMENT METRICS

Anatomy/gesture: I am CERTAIN that my figure drawing improved because of Figuary but none of my actual finished stuff reflects that… I'm going to say same as last year just because I literally can't tell

Backgrounds/perspective: Much worse than last year lol

Composition/storytelling: Thinking about negative space more and still trying to add supporting elements. Worse than last year though

Colours/values: still having problems with stuff being too dark but also still working on it. Screencap studies could probably help this. Starting to get better at controlling saturation. Actually better than last year! Woo! Not a total failure!

Lighting/rendering: better than last year again, CAN I PLEASE TRADE THIS POWER FOR SOMETHING THAT'S ACTUALLY USEFUL??

PLAN OF ACTION FOR NEXT FOUR MONTHS:

Re-evaluate yearly goals

Finish DAB Lesson 7

one screenshot study per month, focussing on values first

two object studies per month

In September, I will have a better understanding of how the parts of the body fit together and be better at manipulating them, as simplified forms, in 3d space.

#art improvement #art progress #end of four months #this is really late in the month but i'm pretending it's still the first week of may

[iloveabunchofgames]

#JakeReviewsItch

After The End: The Harvest

by Elushis

Price: $AUD 7.50

Included In: Bundle for Ukraine

Genre: Role Playing

Pitch: It's Secret of Mana and Pokémon and and and, um, also you get to have a space ship, and you can go to a hundred—no, 200 planets! Plus also you can do crafting and get lots of cool stuff.

My expectations: Ohhhh, boy. I'm nervous. First of all, this is the banner image on the Itch page:

That's followed by 24 (!) screenshots and images explaining this game's mechanical systems and characters. Too much! Especially for an RPG that looks like typical Game Maker junk. This release includes DLC and "the official 300+ page Official Strategy Guide." The download is 3.1 gigabytes. For a Game Maker RPG with stock pixel art. I never go into a review looking for a bad time, but oof. I am not excited.

Review:

This map, taken from After The End: The Harvest’s strategy guide, depicts the game’s galaxy.

Within that galaxy are solar systems.

Within those solar systems are planets.

And on those planets is a slow, awkward action RPG.

The tile-based,eight-directional movement is mushy, especially when attempting to dodge incoming enemies. Attack range is inconsistent. Menus are cluttered. Weird scaling issues make text ugly and difficult to read. There’s a menu for remapping controller buttons, but it doesn’t work. I could type the dialogue faster than it appears on the screen, and there’s always a too-long pause afterward before accepting button presses to move to the next line. The same button is used for backing out of menus and for attacking, so I accidentally shot several shopkeepers. Visual bugs are everywhere. The technical performance is a joke.

Most of the strategy guide’s 246 pages (not 300+) describe items, locations, and fake Pokémon, but it doesn’t matter how much there is to see, do, and collect when every interaction is this grating.

+ Constantly getting new gear and reaching higher experience levels might make you feel a sense of accomplishment. Crafting materials are everywhere. + There sure is a lot of it. + I don't know if it's an original score, but they got the RPG music just right. + If you're willing to accept the consequences. you're free to kill anyone you like.

– Everything feels bad. Action, menus, advancing dialogue—atrocious. Don't even try to use a controller. – Boring, stock Game Maker tiles and sprites. – Boring, stock sci-fi/fantasy RPG story with boring, stock sci-fi/fantasy RPG characters. – A technical mess. Opens on an unnecessary, seemingly in-engine cutscene where nothing happens. This scene is just over one minute long, and it takes around two minutes to load. The rest of the game is a non-stop assault of stuttering, slowdown, and visual bugs.

🧡🧡🤍🤍🤍 Bottom Line: There's ambition, and then there's naïveté. Indie developers with a minimal budget, working in Game Maker, trying to make a massive, loot-heavy action RPG with elaborate crafting systems that's also Pokémon and a space shooter? That's not admirable. It's denial. There's some fun to be had from watching numbers get bigger and stuffing virtual pockets with every loose item in sight, but enduring After The End: The Harvest doesn't make sense in a world where hundreds, in not thousands, of other games offer that much and more.

#JakeReviewsTwitch is a series of daily game reviews. You can learn more here. You can also browse past reviews...

• By name • By rating • By genre

#JakeReviewsItch #Computer Games #Video Games #Itch.io #Reviews #Indie Games #After The End: The Harvest #Elushis #Game Maker

[milkplusvn]

Three Lilies — Delay, Progress, Talking About Direction

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:pensive: :face_holding_back_tears: Three Lilies is now being pushed to December. I’ve been having little bouts of illness that have been hindering my progress as well as sleep issues. Don’t worry about it, it’ll be okay. It’s not COVID, at least!

As it stands, because of those bouts of illness, I’ve only gotten halfway through scene one of Suburb. I do want to make Three Lilies a fun experience throughout the whole visual novel, so I don’t want Countryside to be great in terms of direction and then have the other two stories fall flat.

So, let’s look at the breakdown now!

Countryside

Writing — 100% written and edited

Artwork — 100% complete

Programming — 90% complete, needs an accessibility pass

Suburb

Writing — 100% written and edited

Artwork — 98% complete, need to add an expression to a CG

Programming — 5% complete, scene 1 of 7. All stories have 7 scenes each and are at least 10k words.

City

Writing — 100% written and edited

Artwork — 100%(?) complete. Another background is being floated, but this might have to be included in an update.

Programming — 0% complete (on standby)

Game Overall (AKA the things that (mostly) aren’t the script itself like the game screens)

Programming — 92% complete, gallery’s almost done! Still need to create one more screen for liner notes, need to finalize first time setup screen. I’m probably going to finish these things today—I’ve been doing lots of setup for them when I’m too sick to be particularly creative.

UI — 98% complete, need to finish City chapter select button.

Accessibility — All of the groundwork is implemented like functions, dictionaries etc. Chapter staging must be completed before I do a second sweep where I add image descriptions, screenshake and photosensitivity safety, etc.

Fun Direction Rambling Stuff

I thought I’d make this entry a little fun (for people who like to hear about technical stuff) to make up for the disappointment of the delay.

Three Lilies is a vast step up in quality compared to Soundless, which was intentionally designed to fake technical limitations. Now that I’m living in the present, I’m going all out with how it looks!

My main source of inspiration has been the recent TYPE-MOON visual novels, Mahoutsukai no Yoru and Tsukihime Remake. By taking advantage of things like crop, motion, and zooms, I’m trying to create a somewhat dynamic, filmic experience. Of course, it’s nowhere near the level of Mahoyo and TsukiRe since I’m just one person, but I think I’m doing pretty well especially when it comes to engine limitations.

These are all effects that I’m accomplishing just using code known as Ren’Py’s ATL language. I’m not making entirely new assets just to do what I want to do. The above screenshot was accomplished like this:

(The code can't be copied and pasted to Tumblr—view it on Substack!)

You’ll also notice that I’ve been posting GIFs of little emote marks next to character heads. This is accomplished using a neat little system I’ve made where I pre-animate the mark, then supply arguments to its transform to make it go wherever I’d like on the screen at whatever size I want.

Here’s the code for the floating heart mark beside Najwa’s face at the top of this entry:

(The code can't be copied and pasted to Tumblr—view it on Substack!)

And here’s how I show it in-game:

(The code can't be copied and pasted to Tumblr—view it on Substack!)

The first two numbers in the parentheses let me position it. The third argument, myzoom, doesn’t always have to be supplied because I gave it a default value, but here I chose to make the heart smaller.

Feel free to use this code in your own game. It’s very useful…If you didn’t know you could supply arguments to transforms in Ren’Py, well, now you know!

(I was going to show a biiig GIF of some animation I did, but Substack said the image was too large and it’s too big for a trustworthy GIF compressor, too…)

By the way...

I’ve been working on some promotional art. The pieces will be revealed closer to release.

#three lilies vn #three lilies and their ghost stories #vn development #vndev #horror vn

[spinnitegaming]

Dragon Quest IX Playthrough Information

Hello and welcome! I know this is a bit surprised I'm posting two information posts at once, but considering how I still want to play this game so badly again, I had to move forward. Don't worry, I will balance my schedule, I promised.

Now then, the reason why I had to play Dragon Quest IX is what I said in my 2023 plan post. I played this game on my DSi when I was a teen and I really had fun making my own characters, especially ones based on my favorite cartoon and anime characters. Jumping forward to today, you know me from my current story, "Artificial Fantasy", which is a VRMMO LitRPG original story with Isekai elements centering on two brothers. I had a big interest in the Isekai genre after watching Log Horizon, .hack, Sword Art Online, you name it. It has been booming during the 2020s. The protagonist gets summoned to another world, which is always a fantasy medieval world, and becomes a hero with a twist (or not a hero, but ends up becoming stronger than the intended one). The protagonist passes away (usually with Truck-Kun) and is reincarnated as another species or a noble (or to the Otome fans, a villain or a villainess). But there is one type of story you haven't heard of before. An isekai story where...there is no one to summon or get reincarnated from Japan or whatever country the webtoon or manga originally came from. Obviously, it's just called the fantasy genre with some works having LitRPG elements if they have one, but you get the point.

More specifically, there is a trend where a story involves a support party member of a hero's party getting kicked out due to their presumed load there. However, not only it's their downfall, but it makes the support member turn into a main character and become a better hero than the first one, even though they are not exactly the chosen one.

I got interested in that kind of story ever since I watched Beast Tamer and most of the manga in the Manga Up app. Let's just say I'm a bit interested and I want to try implementing some elements in one of my future stories. However, when I read these kinds of stories including one I can't describe because...NSFW reasons, I've been thinking lately about those so-called heroes depicted in them and that makes me recall Dragon Quest IX. And a thought came to mind: What if I become a better hero than those fake heroes that fired the main characters?

That's why I'm here! Just like Fantasy Life and Digimon Story: Lost Evolution, I can't record all of my experiences in one sitting. Like with all RPGs, it's a grindy game and if there is a situation that calls for it, I may need to go offscreen and level up as best as I can. And along with story deets and boss battles, I'll try to record my highlights outside them if I can. Just in case I'm being stupid or airheaded as usual. And just like DSLE, you're going to stick with crappy phone camera screenshots since I'm playing it in my real DSi, so sorry in advance.

With that, I think it's time to start those games. See you in both games' first part of their playthroughs!

#dragon quest ix #dragon quest ix playthrough #nds #playthrough #dragon quest ix ds

[mirukimary-artarchive]

"Mary's 2021 Summary of Art" - Published: Dec 31, 2021

(Warning: This is going to be a wall of text.)

January in January i was asked by a friend "Hey, i wanna learn how to make Live2D models. Wanna join?" At first i thought i couldn't do it, but in the end decided "Why not?". That's the mindset i wanted to carry through the year. Pictured is the result. I've been asked to try and complete said model, so next January will be fun! This month i also took part in a FFXIV tag on twitter, where we made fake screenshots for a dating sim. That's where i decided i wanted to try and work on a visual novel, at least once. It has always been one of my dreams after all!

February ...And so i jumped on the lemmasoft forums to look for work. Found a person making a cute little self-love tale for the Valentines Jam and figured it was a good idea to give it a try. It was so much fun. Took the challenge as far as i could, and i'm still really proud of being part of this! Still not sure if game art is for me, but felt great to finally give my dream a try. If you take anything from this text wall, let it be "Wanna do something new with your art? Try it out!"

March I think it's around this time we started playing our TTRPG game (Asera)? Ok i forget when we started, but this was the month i sat down and designed my little thief (Layla) and my boyfriend's fighter (Daimyorus). Also made designs for Layla's family. It was a rather busy month (character design is time consuming!), but nothing really 'wow' to show off for it.

April This month i drew some memes for Asera, and sketched a bunch of illustration ideas... That are still sitting there, unfinished. You see, this same month i got accepted into my first zine ever, as a merch artist! Trying new things continued to pay off~ I got stickers done from sketch to flat colors around this time.

May Finished the sticker sheet for the zine (pictured), then proceeded to take...around a week on the phone wallpapers. I restarted it so many times before... When the idea finally clicked i stayed up till 4am drawing >>;;; I was terrified I'd miss the deadline, and had an apology letter on the back of my mind the whole time LOL Thankfully, it worked out and they were delivered in time. Sadly had to skip Mermay because i was busy with miscellaneous projects (only drew 1 mermaid for it, which I wanna redraw someday). Started making little chibi faces for my OCs so i could have a catalog... Which is an idea I wanna revisit later. Having a good reference of everyone would be really nice! (...even if i never do anything with them lol)

June Asera bug bit me again, and i spent a while making chibis for our characters. Also made chibis for NPCs. Designed more NPCs. Designed some of our weapons. For work, got commissioned by a VTuber to draw them and their pet (pictured). Technically finished on July3, but worked on it most in this month so eh LOL

July I made an off-hand comment about working on commissions a month or two before, then on July my friend approached me like "Hey, so you said you're doing comms... Can I get one too?" I had! So much fun! This is also the first time i recorded my drawing process (i do have plans on making a youtube channel eventually). It made me realize i... Take a bit too long. This one was 36hs. That's a bit much LOL But hey, i'm proud of it and both friend&his girlfriend like it, so 100% worth!

August Another busy month, drew some twitch screens for a friend, updated an old drawing (xmas chibis), filled some ff14 memes, experimented with a more sketchy style so i can have a faster type of drawing (...why didn't i post it?) Pictured is the bday gift i made for my boyfriend. Still haven't posted it here, but it's on my stash somewhere >>; It's filled with love!! Maybe that's why I'm still proud of it.

September Made the final twitch screen (pictured), and designed more outfits for Asera (fashion design is indeed my passion). Cleaned up twitter and started working on a TOS so i can maybe open commissions soon... Speaking of commissions, this is when i drew the Dauntless illustration. Nature BGs are my favorite thing ever!

October A very busy month. Worked on commissions (all 6 of the characters O_O) + bunny boy for the EW countdown. The original sketch for the commissions was.....interesting....idk how that got approved LOL But the final result is something I'm very proud of! For the rest, drew more sketches and outfit designs for Asera, plus a chibi sketch to commemorate EW's release (bf's wol and mine ON THE MOON)... Having no idea it would be delayed very soon LOL

November Got into a bit of an art block, which was broken by... Asera characters as Animal Crossing villagers!! Why are drawing memes/challenges the best thing ever?? After that, i managed to start working on a commission my sister asked. Drew all of her students and their favorite toys. They're all so friggin adorable ;_; Was stressful, yes, but also a great experience. Also i think this was my first time drawing real people? Well, my first time doing that for a commission at least!

December Sadly another art-block month. Made yet another Asera sketch (bc i don't have enough of these!), and twitch badges/emotes for ADigitalKing (pictured, also sorry for the hideous watermark, but they paid for it ok TT). Currently working on twitch emotes for my friend, but struggling to have them on a quality level i'm comfortable releasing.

---

Phew, what a year! My journey for a year where i have finished art to post on every month continues, but i'm proud of how much closer i got this time. Also got to try so many new things too! Overall, a good year.

Onwards to 2022!

#maryart #summary of art 2021

[cryptic-fxngs]

I have such a love/hate relationship with Instagram. I wanted one so bad when I first got a smartphone. I wanted to take pictures on my phone and post them online. I even shared screenshots of Final Fantasy 9 and Final Fantasy 8 for a while when I played because I could share my favorite/funny moments. But, as all social media evolves, things tend to get bad. Instagram is all about image and cultivating a brand or a fake image and fake life. I hate that. I have remade and deleted Instagram so many times. I made one about a month or two again so that I could look at pastel/kawaii/rainbow stuff and it brought me joy. Now, seeing all that fake. All that feeling that I despise, I can't do it. I just want to delete it again. If I were to stick around, I would private my account and only focus on things that I want to share with my friends. Things that I can share that inspire, things from them in that form too. To build a small community of friends who uplift each other and just enjoy each other's presence. That sounds more fun than trying to make my life look exciting or documenting things so much for image that you lose sight of the actual experience or memory. I don't think I can be a part of that ever. I used to want that so badly. I wanted to work as an influencer so much. But there is too much stress. Too much pressure. It isn't worth it. When I do things, I want to do them for the pure joy of the experience, not to gain likes, follows, an image, or anything. I think I have just reached the point where I prefer peace, people who are real and true, and living slow. No more toxic environments and stress. That's my soapbox for today.

[jimines]

Whats actually happened between you and taemaknae? I read about it on the tea blog and still confused

This is an insanely long story so I'm going to put it below the cut so for anyone interested in this absolute shit show, continue on.

Essentially, I posted these headers about a month ago:

It was a set of like 8 colours and it was the first time I had ever posted any headers or anything. The issue nic had with these, was the ripped paper bottom. Because apparently you can trademark that. I had asked a (now ex) “friend” of mine if she knew where I could find the ripped paper effect because I had seen the effect on the header of her network blog and I had been trying to find a similar thing for months and google images never gave me anything good. She ended up referring me to google images anyways and after like an hour of dedicated searching, I found this ripped paper effect and used it. This ex “friend” went on to tell another friend of mine that I had "asked where nicole gets her resources for her headers" and then screenshotted my dm as "proof", which still confuses me because I never mentioned nicole there lmao. I've seen the screenshot.

Tell me where I said nicole. It was literally just a question born from seeing the header they had on their network lmao. I feel it’s important to mention I didn’t know this person ran said network at that time, which is why i said “these people”.

This other friend then came to me and just said my headers "may be seen as similar to nic's” and said she noticed it on her own and never mentioned my other “friend” approaching her. I was confused because other than that ripped paper effect that I know many people on tumblr use, I saw no similarities. Nic's headers are usually more complex and more than just a coloured background with a little effect in it. I just wanted to make some simple headers for fun because I was bored. But, regardless, I messaged nic about it to make sure she didn't feel the same way. I told her a friend of mine was worried nic might think my headers are similar to her's and I assured her that if she found them similar I would take them down, no questions asked. Nic told me she was surprised this friend brought it up and told me that it was entirely up to me if I found the headers similar. She never once told me she felt they were the same, never mentioned anything about them, she insisted it was up to me to do as I pleased. So, since I genuinely found no similarities, I left them up.

About a week went by and things between nic and I were fine, or so I thought, based off the fact that she was interacting with my posts, sending me cute asks and replying to a lot of my comments and stuff being kind and whatnot. Then, I decided to post a small list of my creations and the series I had running at the time. 

After that, all of a sudden I got an influx of rude hate anons:

To anyone I mentioned the anons to, they agreed with me, you cannot trademark circular icons. This anon also accused me saying “just the fact that you had an anxiety attack about it proves you copied them” Like no sweetie, it’s called three strangers walked into my house and I got anxious.

Despite me not seeing the issue, I messaged nic, assuming she wouldn't care about the icons (it wasn't like I was taking her exact work and copying and pasting them as my own) and that made her very upset. When she responded to me, she was incredibly heated and gave off the vibe she was waiting for me to message her about it. 

She said things like "this has actually been bothering me for a while", "i expected you to be able to read between the lines and delete the headers", "i don't know who that anon was but clearly they recognize my style". For starters, she never told me that she was annoyed with me, she was being very kind to me publicly. And I have no idea how I was meant to “read between the lines” of what she said especially considering how kind she was to me the following days. I also never accused her of knowing this anon, she just insisted it wasn't her and she didn't know them right off the bat. She also insinuated that I copied my gifs from others as well, which ticked me off because I made my 100+ layer psd myself thank you very much. But I kept my cool, and I told her I had no idea she felt the way she did, and I told her I would delete the headers (which i did as the conversation was going on), and that I would stop posting my icons and bringing attention to them because no one ever paid it any mind before that point. And I asked her “please tell me straight up the next time you have an issue with me because I am generally pretty dumb with social cues”, I have my adhd to thank for that. And instead of replying, she just blocked me. And conveniently, the hate anons stopped dead right after we blocked each other and I haven't received any since.

Also, these are the kinds of icons I posted:

Looks pretty generic and idk, universal, right?

Then, as I've recently found out today, she was in an "anti-loverjimin" groupchat with at least 2 other bloggers. 

Which explains why this all went and fell into place. I know who the two other bloggers are because of what happened two days later but I won't name them just yet, but these two people had been "friends" with me for several months. So, a day or two after nic blocked me, all of a sudden some good friends of mine were blocking me and not talking to me when I asked what was going on. I found out soon after it was because nicole and those two now ex “friends” of mine had taken old dms I sent them and were showing them to people. And I will go into detail about them but I won't name the people they are about for privacy reasons.

Before I move on, to clarify some lies nic has been spreading about me, I never once shit talked nicole to my friends. One of these ex friends also said I was trying to get people on my side. I would have reacted to this all very very differently if that were the case. I would be dragging everyone through the fucking dirt but I don't get off on drama or micromanaging what my mutuals do. My issues are with these people, if you're still friends with them that's your decision i could not care less. So, back to it, the only thing I said about nic was that she and I had a stupid small fight over icons and that she was spreading lies about me, based off of what nic said to jordan.

That exact message, or slight variations of it, was sent to anyone I interacted with because I didn't know if nic was going to stop at jordan or try and get to everyone I fucking knew lmao. Some of the people I messaged this to told ME nic had done this kind of thing before, that she has sent hate anons, launched hate campaigns, cancelled people, etc. Over stupid shit like icons lmao.

Here are some responses I received after I mentioned nicole:

And nic or one of her friends also took it upon themselves to send anons to that tea blog to blow shit up and named everyone and made it an even bigger mess when they saw no one was actively trying to fight me after the dms got out. 

I also love that in this following ask, they named my two “friends” that were behind the whole dm drama and backstabbed me, as well as two other people I never badmouthed, that story was twisted. But we’ll get into those details shortly.

And she also told people I clout chased big blogs and only cared about notes. At one point, yes, I did care a lot about my statistics. However, never once did I think clout chasing was worth my fucking time or energy, Nic is the biggest clout chaser on this damn site and there are receipts of that, ask jordan lmao. And I couldn’t give two shits about my statistics anymore lmao, much less anxiety that way. Do I still crave validation sometimes? Sure. But it's not a driving force of my tumblr experience like it used to be.

But, moving on to the dms, the first one was sent when I first came back to tumblr full-time and didn't understand why people self reblogged things, I found the pretence of self reblogging annoying and greedy and I complained about it and it was a comment fuelled by two bloggers that i would see sr a lot on my dash. But I never thought THEY were annoying, as these people are saying I did, it was self reblogging I found annoying and as you can see I have come to understand why people sr and I do it myself too. I didn't even know these two bloggers at this time either. That dm was cropped to hide the fact that this "friend" agreed with me and hid the date as well so it seemed recent, and was sent to one of the bloggers I mentioned as an example, someone I had since become good friends with. 

I didn’t befriend one of the people I mentioned there until mid to late June. That friendship is now over thanks to this drama and all the lies. The second friend of mine they went after was never spoken about in dms, they went and turned her against me through lies and manipulation so that friendship has ended too. And while those two were doing that, nic went off to try and turn jordan against me.

There was a particular user on here that I did say some nasty things about but we weren't friends, as many people have been made to believe. I was particularly mad at this person in those dms and was hurtful, I admit, and I have since apologized and owned up to all of it to these people. I did call them fake and/or two-faced. 

And what in the gassing me up bullshit was their response though lmao. I also sent this following dm before I even talked about the issue with this person. They urged me to continue and to name drop the person, and I stupidly thought they were trustworthy.

My reasoning for what I said wasn't unwarranted though, I don't make a habit of going around shit-talking people, unless they do something to me first. I vent when I am upset and this person had sent me a passive aggressive ask and then denied sending it when I asked and I thought that was just very fake, especially since she was so kind to me in dms before the ask came in. But all of these dms were cropped too to hide timestamps and responses, and in most cases, like those screenshots prove, these "friends" either gassed me up or egged me on to continue ranting or to name the people i was mad at and they had agreed with me on several, several occasions. Turns out they were trying to get dirt on me to use in their cancel campaign. But the point is, nic has made me out to be this horrible person that befriends "big blogs" (an overrated statement) and then shit talks them behind their back without remorse. Yet it was one person I said rude things about and I, again, owned up to it all and apologized to them the first day. I would've done it sooner had I a) remembered feeling the way I did all those months ago or remembered the dms themselves or b) felt that way still after meeting them. But neither is the case.

I find it really amusing though that these people wanted things to be kept quiet and didn’t want anyone they spoke to to talk to me about it because I was going to “out them on my blog” and “make a big scene”, then they three went and made it a big fucking scene and ruined my friendships. I’m familiar with this pattern of manipulation as it has happened to me in real life before and it’s the most childish bullshit to witness.

Before this callout day for nic, I had never once been directly rude to or about her, same goes for those ex “friends” that betrayed my trust and friendship. The fact that they plotted against me in a group chat while still actively talking to me and being all buddy buddy is just disgusting. Both of them were talking to me that day at the same time they were sharing the dms and shit-talking me to my friends. But yeah, that's my side, the untwisted side, of the whole story. I tried to be mature and talk to nic and when I didn't do what she wanted me to do, she blocked me and launched the hate campaign with dms and the power of photoshop. I’ve been hesitant to make any of this public because it was meant to be a silent ordeal but I’ve grown tired of her constantly publicizing everything without consequence while I remain silent like I promised.

#anon #replied💌 #tw:negativity #drama #long post #read at your own risk aha #its a shit show #idc if you rb it #pinning temporarily for the next day(sih) #ish* #edited with screenshots and whatnot that i forgot i had on my phone lmao

[maleyanderecafe]

Hey there was a mobile game I wanted to recommend you check out! It’s called MazM: The Phantom of the Opera. Obviously the phantom himself is a well-known character and prime example of a yandere, and this version’s Raoul also takes on that trait a little (although it’s mostly because Christine is in a life or death situation and this he’s protective over her), he’s very sweet and doesn’t wait a moment to shower her with praise. Anyway it’s a pretty faithful retelling of the original book and was extra fun for me as a yandere-lover as you play as Christine caught in between the yandere and the actual boyfriend. I think it’s coming to the switch soon as well if you want to wait for that.

...Are you sure that Raoul just takes on this trait a bit...?

Joking aside, sorry it took me so long to answer this ask. I was originally going to watch a walkthrough on youtube, but then I realized that you said it would be on switch and since I just got my switch emulator, I ended up playing with a friend. I will say that there is a lot for me to say about this game, so this will be a long read.

First things first, I'll admit that I've never actually read or watched the Phantom of the Opera before, so I genuinely have no idea what happens in the story. This is where my friend who I was streaming for comes in because she has read the story so she helped fill me in on what happens (she's also making a yandere vn in the future which I will be spamming the heck out of because yandere vn). I think from what she told me, most of the story is relatively accurate, though some parts are changed for one reason or another (for instance, The Persian has a name in this game, but in the original, he doesn't), which has some pros and cons for some characters. Overall though, the story was pretty good for a first timer like me since it really let me experience what the Phantom of the Opera is truly about. I think the creator Mazm did a good job for historical detail, which makes sense considering their platform is about creating games that reinterpret famous stories (they've also done one for Wizard of Oz and Jekyll and Hyde which I sort of want to play), and there are a lot of different notes the player can collect in the game that give more historical insight into what is going on.

The story for the most part is pretty linear. There are some choices you can choose, but except for two, they don't really affect the story. For the most part, the game plays as a visual novel, though you do have to walk around to talk or interact with things to proceed the story. There are cats and notes that lie around the game too, with the notes giving more historical insight and the cats being used as hints in case you don't know where to go. The story is about a detective trying to find out the truth of the Phantom of the Opera at a request of a client whos husband was a victim of him, but most of the story is played through a flashback.

There are also small minigames as well that aren't too difficult, though I honestly felt like some of the minigames got to be tedious at times, specifically the one minigame where you have to press the order of the mirror combo which I found really annoying because besides the fact that I'm bad at those games, you had to do it every time you wanted to enter under the Opera house, which was just... ugh. The game itself seems much more optimized for mobile than it was for switch considering how slow the characters move (and its really slow walking to different places sometimes) as well as the fact that it takes forever to load between different scenes and there's no touch screen option for switch (that I know of). Plus the buttons for moving and pressing hints were annoying to deal with (though this could just be because I'm using an emulator). I also kept getting confused when I was playing, since sometimes I would walk around the entire opera house trying to figure out what to do next, only to learn that I was suppose to talk to someone that was literally five steps from where I spawned. The last thing I found annoying was the fact that there's no option to skip dialogue which is really annoying when I wanted to replay a specific part of the story to take some screenshots. If you play this game, it's probably better to play it on mobile than on switch.

In terms of artwork, Mazm's Phantom of the Opera is really gorgeous, from the overworld sprites to the dialogue sprites to the background and CGs. I love how cute the overworld sprites are (I think Jammes and Raoul's are my favorite, they're both so cute) and every background is really nice to walk through and gives a good atmosphere of what it's trying to show. The character sprites for each characters are nice and varied. I can always appreciate characters that have recognizable faces and shapes, since a lot of times I have face blindness when it comes to characters that look way too similar. The CGs of course are super well done and I love all of them. Overall, the artstyle of this game is very solid and I love the way it looks.

The main character of the story was Christine, who looks really good ( I really love her hair), was for the most part alright initially. While I found her to be a bit naive (because she believed that there was an actual Angel of Music when it was just... the Phantom), she was for the most part alright, and even ended up saving another character from the phantom. However, I found her actions annoying after she met the phantom, specifically the part where she agreed to stay underground with the phantom for two days and would be released as long as she didn't touch his mask, and guess what. Right as she was literally about to leave, SHE TAKES OFF HIS MASK, AND FOR WHAT? YOU WERE JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE?? The other thing that bothered me was the after being trapped with the Phantom for about a month, she is given free reign to go back above ground, under the conditions that she only goes to the opera house and at home. During this time, she's expected to break it off with Raoul, so she fakes a honeymoon with him before he leaves for the artic. However, during this time, she doesn't tell anyone, not even Raoul about what the Phantom is up to. She has an entire month, an ENTIRE MONTH to tell someone that the Phantom is likely to hurt people (as previously he had dropped a chandelier on top of the audience) and she just... didn't. Understandably, she might have been afraid that the Phantom might have heard her, but still, what is he going to do to the possible 100 people that Christine could have told about him. She could have saved people from death if something like that were to happen. Near the end, she does get proper character development and learns to choose things for her sake and not others, which was pretty nice and does stand up to the Phantom after all the trauma (and doesn't get stockholm sydrome, thank goodness), but I still think that a lot of her actions could have probably been written better to make her less naive (since apparently in the original she was about 16ish while in this remake she's about 20 so it's less awkward between her and the phantom).

Raoul is the next character I'll be talking about, because even though he is very adorable, he also has one braincell and talks about Christine way too much. My friend and I actually decided to make a counter on how many times Erik and Raoul say "Christine." Erik says Christines name 128 times and Raoul... says it 340 times. This isn't even counting his introduction and only starts up to when Erik is introduced as a formal character and also doesn't count any time he says it in the overworld. 340! My friend kept on joking around that because Raoul says Christine so much, his brother Phillipe became an alcoholic because he's so tired of Raoul talking about Christine. Raoul only really has like three things going for him: the fact that he was in the military, the fact that he's part of the Chagny household and Christine, and that's it. Throughout the story, his goals are pretty much always related to Christine, whether it be to give gifts to Christine, being worried about her or trying to protect Christine from the Phantom. When the chandelier drops on half the crowd during one of the performances, instead of being worried for them or trying to get out of the Opera House, he instead looks for Christine, who is on stage and quite literally in the safest location within the theater. I would consider him a redeemed/protective yandere though, considering his priority is always Christine (he even gives up his own family name to be with her) and he's always trying to protect her. There's a part of the story where Raoul becomes really unhinged when it comes to protecting Christine, lashing out her her friends and other members of the Opera house. He does some really dumb stuff because of the Phantom, specifically throwing away Christine's ring that she got from the Phantom (that she also literally told him before that as long as she's wearing the ring she wouldn't be harmed by the phantom and he just...?? okay??). When he's tortured in the mirror room, he hallucinates Christine blaming him for her capture, and he even cries while hallucinating that Christine friendzones him (which I though was actually really funny, even if it was a tad bit stupid). His redemption comes near the end of the story where he apologizes for being so emotional and realizing that he was a bit of an obsessive beast, and in one ending he lets Christine go to travel the world. To be honest, I don't know if Raoul would continue to be as protective and obsessed with her even after the Phantom's death, but I guess there's not really any way to know.

The Phantom, or Erik (which I know is his cannon name but it makes me laugh because he really doesn't look like an Erik) is the main villain of the story. Unfortunately, in this version, I don't think I can call him a yandere, for one simple character: Melek. Melek, as far as I know isn't in the original story, is a prisoner that Erik has after she refused to marry her. As a character, I do actually like Melek since she's the one of the more sensible characters in the story and she's the more rational one between her and Christine, but her role in the story basically deconfirms Erik as a yandere, at least in this version. For one, Melek is a blind maid of Erik that he did fall in love with and trap, similar to how Christine was, which kind of comes off as Erik being the kind of person who would trap any girl that he likes. Even if this is the case, I don't understand why Erik would keep her alive even after she fell for Christine. Supposedly the reason is that Erik wanted to make Christine feel despair and he did attempt to kill her, but Melek survives and he just... doesn't do anything with her. Honestly, if Melek were straight up not in the story, I would have put him as a yandere because pretty much all of his other actions point to a more possessive/worship type of yandere, but because of Melek it's just not possible in my eyes. Besides that Erik sort of reminds me of a chunni in this version (he's like this absolute darkness is my curse! Like people with 7th grade syndrom seem to have), it was kind of hard for me to take him seriously in certain times. He is very intimidating when he threatens Christine, but his overdramatic nature (which I know is something he's always known for, just this version is uh...) really makes him seem like a child. Erik is for sure suppose to be more antagonistic in this version, considering the addition of Melek and his general actions of possession towards Christine and his disdain for Raoul, but near the end we do see more of his story and we see just how devastating his life is from the moment of birth. I did feel really bad for him when Hatim/The Persian keeps on mentioning the prince he used to work with because its really obvious that he still has trauma from it (and he keeps begging him to not talk about his past and the Persian just... keeps traumatizing him I guess) and the fact that he was treated so badly because of his appearance, but this doesn't excuse his actions in the story. Christine does try to sympathize with him using her own tragic backstory, which Erik kind of pushes away (like bro, we're not trying to see whose parents are worse, she's just trying to sympathize with you, dang) as not being tragic. I think that Mazm did present him pretty well in this story, not showing just his antagonistic side but also his more tragic side. Sadly, like I said, I can't consider him a yandere because of the addition of Melek, at least not in this version.

In terms of other characters, I really like the trio of Meg Giry, Sorelli and Jammes- the friends of Christine. From what I can tell, they're all a bit more aged up in this version, with Sorelli being the oldest and Jammes being the youngest and I feel like they gave more character to them than in the original version. Sorelli is the head of the dancers and the dating partner of Phillip de Chagny, Raoul's older brother and she's the mature and strong willed one of the group, wielding a blade that she uses to protect her friends. I like the fact that they made her a bit more protective and in one of the overworld sprites its mentioned via rumor that Phillip fell in love with her after he saw Sorelli swing her dagger, which I thought was pretty cute. At the end though, after Phillips death, she realizes that she was struggling too hard to climb up the social ladder and decides to forge her own path. In the beginning she attempts to protect her and her friends from the Phantom, declaring that she'll stab him if she sees him. Next is Meg Giry, and from what my friend told me, she was very young in the original books and kind of scardy cat. In this version, she's a bit older but maintains the scardy cat position, and is very terrified of the Phantom. She does gain more character development during the story, standing up to her mother and the managers and overall being a more assertive and confident person, which I thought was a nice touch. Last but certainly not least is my best girl Jammes. In the original story, she barely makes an appearance, but in Mazm they made her quite literally the best character. For one, the canonical reason why there are so many cats hanging out in the opera house is that Jammes keeps on feeding them and letting them in and she has named all of them after the Opera House staff. Jammes loves to spin and has a cute animation and while she can be loud and a bit strange sometimes, she can be smart and assertive when she needs to. Jammes always pushes the other three into being better and protects them when needed (for instance, when Phillip lashes out at Sorelli, she steps in and demands that he apologize for his actions) and can be really smart at times (she's the only character that attempts to at least cover her mouth when the Phantom's fragrance, a hallucinogenic gas, starts to fill up the box seat, despite others who have been in there not even trying) and is the one who stands up for Christine's abuse as well as for the dancers at the opera house being treated unfairly by the manager as she organizes a strike against them. She also becomes part of the women's suffrage after the events of the story. I could go on and on about Jammes, but instead I'll leave a cute picture of her at the end of this entire analysis. Besides those three, I did like Carlotta, the original singing lead of the opera house. Originally, she became an antagonist towards Christine after she became the lead singer, however, she did apologize to her afterwards and befriended her once more before traveling the world. I love her interactions with Raoul because she basically said that Raoul only has Christine and military training and when he gets angry and lashes out, Carlotta glares and him, causing him to cower (this actually does happen multiple times), and I just found that really, really funny. Mifoid, though useless in the story is actually pretty cute as well, I love his bouncing animation. The last character I'll talk about is Phillip because he became meme material for me and my friend considering he probably is so tired of Raoul talking about Christine (we joked that the reason he was sent to military was so that he didn't have to hear her name again) and while he is mostly a decent but strict character in the story, his last appearance really makes him out as a jerk. I did think it was kind of weird that Phillip was so willing to let Raoul go to the Artic mission considering nobody that has gone there has ever returned, and he was rather elitest towards him, not letting him marry Christine because she's of lower

class but during his last chapter before he dies, he goes on a frenzy after he and Raoul have a fight, revealing to Sorelli that he only dated her for fun and not to actually settle down with her, which is just horrible. It's a bit sad though that Raoul only saw him as someone who tried to get rid of him considering that Phillip did raise Raoul and that his last actions were an attempt to save Phillip from the phantom, and yet Raoul barely has a reaction after seeing his body and doesn't even go to his funeral. It's really sad that Raoul didn't even really cry after seeing Phillip's body, considering that he was basically his father figure.

Overall, it's a good game to play and a good retelling of the Phantom of the Opera. I wouldn't consider the Phantom to be a yandere in this game, but I do think that Raoul is one. Thank you for this recommendation!

#asks #male yandere #yandere boy #yandere #recommendation

[genderqueerpositivity]

I guess I'll go ahead and do a 5 month HRT update today, because a few folks have asked how that is going. On Friday I'll officially be 5 months on T, which is just unbelievable???

CW: changes from HRT, talking about periods, eating habits, changes to body parts and gentials, sex drive, etc

My dose increased in June, so I've been applying daily .75 ml of a 100 mg/ml cream since then. I can't say that I've noticed an increase in how fast things are happening since increasing my dose. Some changes are still happening slowly and steadily, while it feels like others have backed off a bit.

My voice hasn't changed significantly since I last posted screenshots from the voice analyzer app. I'm fine with that? I really like my voice how it is now. It would be great if it drops more in the future, but I think I would also be fine if it doesn't?

My voice has gotten me he/him'd and sir'd a few times. My voice is now my most visibly trans feature and it's a powerful one. I recently showed someone my driver's license (which has not been changed) and filled out paperwork with my legal name (also not changed) and I was still consistently called he and sir the entire time, and I wasn't making any special attempt at passing, not even wearing a binder.

One thing I do wish is that I could get back to being able to speak as loudly as I did pre-T. In loud areas it feels like I'm constantly being told now that I need to speak up. Especially at work, it's difficult to lead meetings and even have one on one conversations. Being loud enough to be heard over background noise takes a lot more effort than it did back when I had a naturally high voice. Trying to force a louder voice for long periods of time leaves me with a sore throat. I think this is because I haven't gotten the hang of the whole "speaking from my chest" thing.

Body hair is still happening steadily. I have so much back hair now. Toe hair. Hair on the tops of my hands. Sideburns. Hair on my upper arms and upper legs. Butt hair, chest hair, and belly hair. Really this is getting ridiculous but I actually really like it. I had a diagnosis of hirsutism pre-T but now I see that my pre-T body and facial hair was nothing compared to this lol.

I've still been shaving my facial hair pretty regularly, because I wear a mask for 8 hours a day and it itches my face a lot. But I'm starting to really want to grow it out for a few weeks to see what it looks like on me. I'm a little nervous about what other people might think, and also about it possibly looking patchy and weird. But I also really want a break from shaving irritation and ingrown hairs, and I want to see if I'll like having my face unshaven or not.

Either I've gotten used to it, or my skin isn't as oily as it was at first. My skin is definitely still breaking out in places though. I didn't have this much acne during my first puberty. I definitely sweat more than I used to, but also it's August here so that could just be the humidity lol. I've noticed some changes to my shoulders, upperarms, and forearms for sure; they look more masculine and I've gained some muscle there and I like it. I've surprised myself with my own strength a few times, which is pretty cool.

*skip the next three short paragraphs if you don't want to read about periods or vague comments about bottom growth and sex*

Sadly my period hasn't stopped yet. I'm tracking it with an app, so I do know that they're happening less frequently now, are shorter (which means only 7 days and not 9+) and are lighter than ever before. I have fewer PMS symptoms now, and less pre-period sensory issues. Even my cramps are and feel different now; they seem less sharp and more manageable.

I'm actually really disappointed that my bottom growth appears to have stopped. I was hoping for more of that. I hope that what I've gotten so far isn't all there is, because I know that it varies a lot by person. I don't really know what would be considered an average amount of growth at this point, and I don't know what to expect personally overall.

In related news, I understand now why so many transmasc people complain about their sex drive increasing on T....because that is definitely a thing. And let's just say that things work kind of differently down there now, and I like the changes. I've also had a few experiences lately that have caused me to question my gray-asexuality a bit, so that sure is...something. Sexual attraction is odd--and this keeps happening to allosexual people, like forever? Sounds fake.

Other minor stuff:

I haven't noticed a change in appetite since starting T, but I do think I have less of a sweet tooth. Even when do I crave sweets now, I want less than I did before. And it seems like I'm more likely to have a stomachache after eating them. I don't really know why this is or if this is entirely HRT related.

I haven't lost any hair and I don't think my hairline has changed any yet. I have so much gray hair now though wtf.

I can still cry. I've cried today in fact (they were happy tears, no worries). I think I am quicker to get an attitude now though? I've had a few moments lately where afterwards I was like...."damn I really said all that out loud, huh".

As much as all of this is, I feel like I look the same as I did pre-T. The changes to my appearance haven't been drastic at all. I expected that by 5-6 months, I wouldn't be able to hide the fact that I'm on T anymore, but it looks like that isn't the case. I'm not out at work at all, and if anyone has noticed the changes, no one has said a word to me about it. Apart from the week or so around the time where I lost my voice (it was assumed that I was sick), and a single comment making fun of my facial hair (which I already had some of pre-T), not even my parents have caught on to what I'm doing. And regardless of how that all turns out in the end, I'm not going to regret doing this. Choosing to move forward with HRT has been one of my best life choices so far.

I've realized that I definitely feel more positive about my body now than I did pre-T. Showers and baths are more enjoyable. I went swimming last month for the first time in years and it was a blast. This has all been so worth it.

My next HRT appointment is in less than a month. And I've just realized that I'm might have to reschedule it, so that's fun. Anyway, if the lab tests come back good and I'm given the chance to increase my dose again at that appointment, I'm going to take it.

#hrt journal #hrt diary #genderqueer #transmasculine #ftm #op #personal #menstruation tw #gentials tw #food tw

[dirtycccat]

the demon bros + (un)dateables  drunk

tw for drinking so if you’re not into that yeah be warned. also there’s some mentions of horniness because uhhh,,,ya know

 Lucifer

normal soft drunk

it’s neither too easy nor too hard to get him drunk

also his drink of choice is probably wine really really expensive wine

he has a pretty high tolerance but not as high as his party animal bros

since it looks like he drinks pretty often if you look at all the alcohol in his  mancave  study

it’s canon he’s a soft drunk??? which,,,, cute

but also chaotic af

i feel like he just reverts to angel lucifer? the really cute innocent baby that’s also very, very chaotic (think of lesson 37+ luci which i only saw screenshots of but still)

expect him to do a 180: if he’s a stern emotionally constipated dad sober drunk luci is basically him with 0 filters but a lot of emotion

he’ll make weird dad jokes, tell people he cares about them, ask dumb dumb questions that he thinks about daily but never voices

“ok mc but what is lol actually and why does levi say that all the time. wait why are you laughing… lots of love? ok then I send you lol”

prefers to drink with close friends and family only because he knows how he gets when drunk

will not admit it but he enjoys being able to feel so?? free and say whatever he wants since he feels like he can’t normally

Mammon

heavy weight hyper puppy

he has a pretty high alcohol tolerance probably since he’s into partying

also he knows his limits because of past experiences

but sometimes limits are made to be broken

and once they’re broken oh boy

drunk mammon is just him but hyper

or more like even more hyper

i feel like he’d become as excited as a golden retriever on redbull in the first 4 hours

dancing with everyone, making crack jokes, getting into weird situations

and then if he drinks a liiitle bit too much

he’d just break down

and cry

and be an emotional mess

which ends up in him crying over your/ his bros’ shoulder telling everyone he loves them

and then end up falling asleep

so you have to take turns carrying him to bed and make sure he’s safely tucked in with a glass of water close by

you don’t mind though since usually he makes sure you get home safe when you go drinking 

Leviathan

heavy weight emotional drunk 100%

another boy that sleeps near a bottle of alcohol so he probably drinks regularly

if you’re in your room all day it’s pretty easy to just do it since you’re safe so he does it whenever he feels like it

this jealous boy can fake being chill while sober but once you get him drunk expect tears, angry rants, yelling, semi-public mental breakdowns

you always end up having to put him into bed while he cries on your shoulder all the while you try to lift this surprisingly heavy boy into his bathtub bed

but also since he’s the most artistic of the family I bet sometimes he does art while drunk?

you once went to his room trying to return a manga you took and oh no levi is painting a 2 meters ruri mural while he’s in the nude

don’t question it it helps him concentrate

sometimes sad bitch energy mixed with alcohol equals great things

he’s also in the lowkey horny drunk category

what can you do it happens when you’re a touch starved nerd,,, all alone in your room,,, drinking

 Satan

light weight happy drunk

two glasses of wine and he’s gone

remember like all cards with satan drinking? yup he’s a happy drunk

if sober he’s like ugh partying is for nerds

drunk satan just wants to party with everyone

and vibe

he’ll invite everyone to take group shots, dance all night, do weird shit that ends up being photographed (to his next day hungover dismay)

he’s terrible at club dancing but he will be found in the middle of the dancefloor going wild

expect embarrassing dancing at first

but if you want to correct him he won’t say no to dancing with you more,,, intimately

may or may not grab your hands and start waltzing at some point though

(you think it’s great he’s so happy and free so it doesn’t matter)

  Asmodeus

heavy weight horny drunk

has the highest alcohol tolerance since he’s the party animal of the family

lmao what did you expect

drink of choice is probably devilgrammable cocktails: fun, sexy, colorful just like him

he’s the definition of babe let’s drink so we can have wilder sex

loves how oversensitive he feels while drunk??? and how his senses get overwhelmed

will moan out loud if he bumps into a table while drunk no shame, no regrets

and dance really lasciviously with whoever catches his eye

if you’re romantically involved not only will he grind into you or let you do so with him

but expect lap dances

if you surprise him with lap dances instead expect to be,,,, rewarded wink wink

but if you do something meaningful for him or give him tthoughtful compliments 

he will go into his emotional mode and literally hug you and never let go 

...and you’ll have to spend your night in his arms while he tells you all about how he thinks you’re perfect for him and how thankful he is that you’re in his life

expect some tears in those moments (that he tries to hide while you casually pretend they’re not there in the first place)

Beelzebub

 idk normal tolerance and emotional drunk

since he’s HUGE it’s probably not super easy to get him drunk but also since he doesn’t really drink much it’s not hard either

talks about issues and cries

a lot

so he doesn’t drink all that much

and only does it with his family

him and belphie always end up cuddling and falling to sleep together if they both get drunk since they are both emotional messes when alcohol is involved

and you join them too if you’re drinking with them

Belphegor

heavy weight emotional drunk but on the angry side

like his twin but he probably...drinks more?? he’s such a sad bitch I mean c’mon

like his bro he’s an emotional drunk

sad crying, angry crying, just crying

that’s him that’s what you get into if you tell him to drink with you

will get in the stabby mode if too drunk

so don’t let him drink too much if you value your and his life  

...rather cuddle him until he gets too comfy and warm and falls asleep 

works every time

Diavolo

normal tolerance sleepy drunk

is used to drinking because of social gatherings and high class etiquette but he doesn’t indulge often

since he mostly drinks with luci, barbatos and you

high key prefers sweet cocktails instead of normal fancy drinks

i bet if you took him to the club he’d want to try out the weirdest most colorful cocktails

and then make barbatos redo them

can hold his liquor but he’s still a sleepy boy? like alcohol probably calms him and he’s just so comfortable and at peace he just,,, naps with his head on your shoulder (or luci’s, or barbatos’ depends who he’s drinking with or who’s closest to him at the moment)

if he’s in the club though it’s a different story

he goes full dad mode

doing all the embarrassing dad dances but proudly

remember the meme with prince william or whatever in the club? that’s him

A+ for effort though he really becomes the life of the party

 Barbatos

heavyweight vodka aunt

doesn’t really get drunk drunk since he has to take care of diavolo 24/7

but once it’s self care day

oh boy

he turns into a single suburbian mom

you’d think he’s the sophisticated wine mom but oh no

closes all doors and windows, puts on a hot bath with scented oils, lights candles, plays soft jazz in the background

and then drinks straight liquor out of the bottle

(like that one vine)

if you’re close and drink together he’ll also talk a lot more than usual

and give you fun stories about the bois and diavolo

“mc did i tell you about the first week lucifer and his brothers came to the devildom and had to cook for themselves for the first time in their lives? lucifer did not know how an oven works and that you have to close it after you’re done cooking and almost burned the whole house of lamentation down.”

 Simeon

light weight spaced out drunk

do not give him alcohol unless you want to experience weird random xD simeon

physically he’s here, spiritually he’s astral projecting

looks the same, smiles handsomely, no change here

...but if you try talking to him he’ll say the weirdest shit like

“mc do you think that the stars know that they are loved and we watch them every day”

uh idk simeon??? what do you think???

if you’re romantically involved he will flirt shamelessly, even more shamelessly than usual 

because,,, he’s just more honest so he just says whatever

people get uncomfortable around you two and end up backing off and leaving you alone

surprising enough or not he looks like he’s also a lowkey horny drunk

ofc you can’t tell since he’s so chill all the time

but I bet you he’s horny inside hornier than asmo

Solomon

heavyweight deep drunk

this boy has done some drinking in his lifetime 

...since he has whiskey grandpa vibes

will say really out of the blue thoughtful things??? which is so not like sober solomon 

“mc you remind me of one of the people that meant the most to me they too were here for me and believed in me when no one else did and I have to thank you for that”

wow solomon that sure was random since you were talking about how cold it is outside before but thank you i guess

fakes being not drunk easily but you can tell the moment he starts speaking that he’s gone

also looks at you straight in the eyes when he talks to you

and sometimes starts giggling or blushing

which makes you go??????? solomon are you okay

#oh yeah if you drunk do so in moderation and be safe #i felt like mentioning that #mine #my post #i love drunk people lowkey so have this #i had this in my drafts and thought yes it s the moment to post this #esp since the holidays are coming #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me headcanons

[six-is-sad]

I CANT FIND THE OH POST TALKING ABOUT THIS TO REBLOG SO IM TALKING ABOUT IT INSTEAD

Guy in a comment section talked about why shipping monix is bad. so I’m here to go through his points. Keep in mind that the original screenshot isn’t here and this is based on memory so I might be wrong about how I’m remembering his words.

1: he said that six betrays him, as if we didn’t know that. as if people aren’t allowed to interpret all the different reasons she might’ve done that. Like dude. People are allowed to think that she did so for non malicious reasons. There’s a lot of evidence that supports the claim that she didn’t drop him because she’s evil and didn’t care for him. Besides, aren’t games like little nightmares specifically made to be vague for the purpose of coming to your own conclusions?? Besides, shouldn’t we promote making things right with people we’ve wronged?

2: he said their small children. I’ve already gone into detail on how children have crushes on each other all the time. Wouldnt it be better to teach children how to properly handle romantic bonds as said romantic bonds come along naturally? Since there’s so many literal 40 year olds that are shit when it comes to love and hurt the ones they said they loved? I think that should be preferred. Shielding children from the world and the aspects of it isn’t going to help them. How are they supposed to understand things like this if you don’t let them experience it? Something as innocent as romantic love shouldn’t be taboo for kids. telling your child that they aren’t allowed to love someone, ESPECIALLY someone their age, because their “too young” doesn’t somehow make you a better person and parent. It’s only going to make them hide it from you since it isn’t justified. Not to mention If their too young to be together, then their too young for you to be sexualizing their relationship (when their not aged up of course) in the first place.

3: he said their probably terrified all the time....and something about it being a world full of monsters. There’s literally studies done saying that adrenaline tends to increase peoples attraction to each other. That’s why it’s sometimes recommended to take your crush to a place with rides. don’t you think making it through trauma after trauma with someone, you’d feel at least a little closer to them and care for them more? Like seriously. Their friendship was a constant trust exercise. Don’t you think it would be better for two kids who are constantly terrified to have some sort of comfort? Shouldn’t encouraging people to find a reason to keep going no matter how bad their situation is be a good thing? Even if it might not be intentional? Besides, So many people’s motivations to keep going is literally because they have support and love from their close ones like wtf.

4: he said it’s a horror game that isn’t meant to be happy...

Jfc...you heard it here kids. Trying to find hope in a hopeless situation is bad. Trying to make a dark depressing situation happy again is bad. Your not allowed to be happy or allowed to try to find the good if your going through a bad situation. There is no light at the end of the tunnel if your life is bad right now. Just give up because your clearly supposed to suffer. Coping mechanisms are bad. Because little jimmy who wanted to be fake deep and edgy on the internet said so. ESPECIALLY SINCE THE OFFICIAL TWITTER FOR LITTLE NIGHTMARES 2 HAS LITERALLY RETWEETED WHOLESOME ART IN THE PAST. INCLUDING COOKING MONO FROM RECENTLY!! They put so much wholesome shit in the game. There’s literally a hand holding mechanic. Dear god. Also, so he’s willing to use “their too young” as an excuse for why they can’t love each other. But not willing to consider that their too young to be going through this much trauma, and that people want them to be safe because, he’s right, literal children who shouldn’t have to be tough, like six has been described as. They should be safe. It is incredibly fucked up to imply that these children do not deserve safety and happiness because their made to suffer. Besides, don’t you think these children who are quote “constantly terrified” would WANT to be safe? Once more, you heard it here folks, caring for these children and genuinely wanting to see them happy and safe with each other is bad and makes you an idiot.

People having fun with a game they like isn’t a crime. Just because it doesn’t pertain to what you personally like the game for doesn’t mean it isn’t allowed to exist. People trying to draw and write happiness into a world of suffering honestly is a good thing. If you only like the edgy horror aspect of the game and want to focus on that? Go for it! I like the game for that reason too! It’s very pretty and I love the artistic aspect of it myself! The music gives me chills every time! However throwing a tantrum in the YouTube comment section because people want to be optimistic about an apocalyptic world is bullshit and makes you look like an edgy tryhard in my eyes honestly, and not in the valid just expressing yourself way. Even if the game makers push the idea that hope is bullshit and that the world is terrible so you should never be happy. That’s still a really detested message by a lot of people, and people are allowed to separate art from the artist because of it. Pushing that happiness was never an option literally sounds like the monologue of a bad villain. If we don’t let 14 year old fangirls get away with it. We don’t get to let a company get away with it. There’s no benefit of telling people to give up no matter how gorgeously you depict it.

Those are all the points I remember. I may be missing a few but whatever.

#fandom #little nightmares #ln six #six little nightmares #mono x six #mono ln2 #mono ln #mono little nightmares 2 #god we really do live in a society huh?

[takadanobaba]

Prizoom Ticket Buying Walkthrough

Have you ever wanted to experience what a cheering screening is like regardless of location, even overseas? How about soundboard hell?

Well you’re in luck because there’s literally nothing stopping you because prizooms are a thing and they aren’t region locked at all!!! And I love them!!!!

I love them so much that I made a whole post just to make the ticket buying process even more easy!!!! 

If you’re interested in attending a prizoom, please participate and show your support for kinpri!!!

So to preface, “prizooms” are online King of Prism cheering screenings using Zoom and featuring a soundboard powered by Ainotte. Tickets are sold through RakutenTicket.

My first prizoom was Jin’s! 💙  I posted an impressions post here, in case if you wanted a detailed summary of what a prizoom is like! I also posted about Rei’s prizoom and will be using screenshots from buying tickets for that during this!

~

You’ll need a Rakuten Ticket account before trying to make your purchase, so if you haven’t, go to this link (the Rakuten member registration page) and make an account.

(Actually forgot most of the details for making an account when typing this but I do remember it being decently easy so.... if I’m missing anything it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out ^^;)

First part is pretty straightforward, they even have an official English translation of the registration page so you don’t have to put it through google translate! Also it doesn’t matter what language you set during registration, your account will work for buying prizoom tickets even if you don’t use the Japanese page.

For the address, I just looked up “Japanese postal codes” and put in the first result that showed up and picked the prefecture it came from (Tokyo) just to be safe. Pretty sure you can just put whatever you want though. Forgot what info I used (and can’t figure out how to see my account info to check?) but pretty sure I didn’t type in legit info and it went through anyways.

For the phone number, you can use your actual full phone number, including the country code!

(I forgot if they need to verify your phone number, but I’d suggest to use your real phone number just in case)

After that, confirm your information and create your Rakuten Ticket account!

So first you would go to whatever prizoom you’re interested in’s information page (usually found promoted on the kinpri twitter account) and then click the blue link, which will take you to its Rakuten Ticket page!

Then if you scroll down a bit, you’ll see the different tickets available for purchase! The first and most expensive option is for every showing in the event, the ones below it are specific showings.

Also!!! If you want to skip a showing, you’ll have to go through the purchasing process for each single ticket you want to buy. There isn’t a cart function as far as I’m aware, so I had to pay the service fee twice. It’s kind of a pain but I guess that just gives more incentive for people who just want to do 2+ showings to just go all the way.

(Looking back on it, I regret only doing 2 out of 3 and not just buying an all-inclusive ticket for Jin’s showing since I would’ve loved it...)

I want to attend the screening of SSS part 4, so I’ll click the red button for the 3rd option!

Next screen is where you choose which room you want to participate in!  The red option is the cheering room, and the blue is for the chat+soundboard only room. I’ve heard that the cheering rooms are more fun (and a closer experience to an actual cheering screening), but I started out with chat-only rooms and personally REALLY REALLY REALLY enjoyed them! Both rooms use the soundboard, so if you’re interested in cheering through that (seeing as most people using this walkthrough would proooobably not have much experience cheering or be confident enough in Japanese to turn on their mic), it’s okay to attend either room!

I’ll be going to the chat-only room again! So I’ll click that, and then click the dropdown and set it to the only other option so that I can buy one ticket.

After that, a confirmation screen pops up. The orange button on the left is to cancel/go back, and the one on the right is to confirm.

The next section asks how you would like to pay, you’ll probably want to (and most likely can only) pay with a credit/debit card, so just select the first option before scrolling down until you get a bunch of blanks to fill out like below.

Now here’s the fun part! Putting in some really obviously made up information!

The first line asks for your last name, and the line below that asks for your first name. Don’t bother trying to type in your name in English letters/romaji, the system will only allow Japanese letters. As long as it’s in Japanese, you can put any name you want! 

In the section below the first 2 boxes, it asks you to rewrite your name in katakana specifically. If you have trouble with differentiating hiragana/katakana/kanji, you can always just paste something into a katakana converter or go wild with google translate till something works. Though it’d be good for you to learn at least a little bit of Japanese since it makes the whole screening experience more enjoyable.

I just set my name as 高田馬場 (Takadanobaba) ジョージ (Joji) because why not. For the second set of name boxes I put タカダノババ (Takadanobaba in katakana) ジョージ (Joji again, almost every kinpri character’s first name is already written in katakana). If you don’t want to bother with putting in different info then you can just paste that in haha.

For the address, make sure you put in a Japanese zip code! Non-japanese codes won’t work. You can select any prefecture you want, but for the example I put その他 / ”Somewhere else”. For the next few boxes you can type in literally anything you want, it doesn’t matter. It’s just an online event so the only place they send you anything is to your email! (They should just remove the whole address section since it gets tedious to fill out and isn’t used for anything haha...) Your address doesn’t need to be consistent with the info you used to make your account! 

ALSO!!!! If you’re running the page through google translate or something and get stuck, make sure you revert it back to its original before filling in your information and hitting the orange button! If you don’t then it keeps switching your birth month to the default 1/January and you won’t be able to move onto the next page. Your birthday needs to match up with the info you used to make your Rakuten account with!

When you’re done, click the orange confirmation button to go to the next page!

Next page just asks if you want to use your RakutenTicket points to discount your purchase. You can only use them if you have at least 50 points.

After that, put in your payment information! You don’t need a Japanese credit/debit card and can use the information for any card you want......... as long as it’s valid for you to use! Don’t steal someone’s card info or put in fake information for this. This is a transaction with actual money involved here. ^^;

Putting in the numbers on your card is also straightforward, the most confusing part would probably just be the name. Make sure you type the cardholder name in ALL CAPS otherwise it won’t work.

Should be obvious but I only used “TAKADANOBABA JOJI” for example purposes, if you’re copying my info, don’t actually put that unless if your name is actually Takadanobaba Joji and your credit card really says that. I changed it to my legal information after taking this screenshot so my purchase would go through. Use the actual name on your card!

After you put in your payment info and it’s verified, review your purchase, scroll down, and check the box at the end if you want to go through with your order.

The box before that asks if you want to receive email notifications for when events relating to King of Prism and online events have their tickets up for sale.

When your tickets are bought, you’ll get an order code like this! (You don’t really need it, this isn’t used in your prizoom ticket)

To see your ticket information, you can either check your email or go to the RakutenTicket home page and log into your account to view your purchase history.

When you click whatever ticket you want to see information for, scroll down until you find your “入室用ID” / “Entry ID” information.

From here, you’ll see your ticket info, alongside a link to the event’s bonus zoom backgrounds right above it!

You will also get an email with your ticket information!

Your ticket info will consist of numbers separated into three sections by slashes like this! The sections in order would be:

1) The Zoom meeting ID code (882 8702 1252)

2) The password to be let into the Zoom meeting (964689)

3) What you need to set your display name to before entering (6703)

(The numbers won’t be the same, also this is from Jin’s first showing so it’s long over and this information is useless outside of providing an example.)

Only one device is allowed per ticket, so don’t try to distribute the same ticket to multiple people to get out of paying for yourself or anything like that!

(Assuming you don’t need this guide to tell you how to download Zoom or find the option to join a meeting)

Put in the first number into the first box and the third number into the second box. Then you’ll get a popup asking for a passcode, so the second number.

Then it’ll show you when the event is scheduled for in your timezone! This is helpful for if you haven’t already and want to set an alarm for when it starts but don’t want to fumble through time converters. Though it would be good to double check just in case if the popup is off.

On the day of the event and a bit earlier from the first showing, you’ll get an email with a link for the prizoom soundboard! 

The soundboard is the same for all of the event’s showings and both rooms, so please only participate when appropriate so you don’t ruin the experience in showings you’re not attending if you choose to listen in on them!

I’ve annotated the buttons for accessibility  💖 

The gender/voice options can be switched in the top right corner (it’s set to the female option by default). The volume can be controlled with the sliding bar (the default is 5 which is honestly wayyy too low of a number considering how loud it is)

And with that, you’re all set! Once you’ve done all of the above, all you have to do is just wait for the event to start and then experience the prizoom sparkle!  💖

Shortly after the event ends, you get an email asking for feedback like this!

Just click the link and you can also put in any information and comments you want... whether you decide to let the staff know that there’s international interest in kinpri is up to you ^^

If you find that you enjoy prizooms, or just want to help make sure that there’s an opportunity to experience cheering screenings regardless of location, it would be helpful to comment that they should keep holding them in the future!  💖

If there’s any other questions, I’d be happy to answer!

#king of prism #kinpri #prizoom #Me being a prizoom/soundboard hell shill #I'VE JUST BEEN IN A CONSTANT STATE OF I LOVE PRIZOOMS #Prism sparkle brainrot #Can you imagine how crazy I'd get at a proper irl cheering screening #Also made it because I figured that even if someone was interested in attending a prizoom #They wouldn't want to ask me for help #Either because confrontation is scary or people just hate me haha #...... it's a little weird how tumblr lets you see when people who've blocked you like your posts.... #Like thanks............ ? #Makes me kinda sorta really upset ahahaaa.... only being good as a source of kinpri content but hated otherwise ..... #....Oh well!!!!!!!!!!!! #As long as I spread the prism sparkle!!! :'D