in a pretentious mood tonight and i like using my blog as my brain personified so here are some of my favourite quotes/poems
"I don't want to be the one who mourns everything when everyone else has clearly forgotten. It's mortifying. It's mortifying to be the one who remembers."
Ryan O'Connell
"I am tired of myself tonight. I should like to be somebody else."
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
"I was hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it, to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more. Just once."
Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
"While you wash your body you realize it is not your body. And at the same time, it is the only body you have."
Warsan Shire, Hooyo Isn't Home
"I am doing my best to not become a museum of myself. I am doing my best to breathe in and out."
Natalie Díaz, American Arithmetic
"I want to be myself again. I want to be six. I want to stop knowing everything I know."
Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless
"You are embarrassed about your blood, it's redness, the way it is just coming out of you with no concern for anyone's feelings. You are [...] embarrassed to be alive."
Carmen Maria Machado, In the Dream House
"Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined."
Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous
"'How do you get so empty?' he wondered. 'Who takes it out of you?'"
Ray Bradbury, Farenheit 451
"In a sense, I'm the one who ruined me: I did it myself."
Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
"Nothing has changed. I was the stupid one again. I was the girl who never understood who she was to people."
Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I'm Home
"'I am destroying myself so other people can't,' she said. 'And it's the worst kind of control but it's the only form I know.'"
Sue Zhao
"Mother / Eat me and give birth to me again / This time around I'll make you proud."
Maia Baia, Mother
"Who attached these heavy wings on my shoulders?"
Marina Tsvetaeva, On a Red Horse
"I search for you in my dreams."
Li Qingzhao, Tune: The Partridge Sky
"Sometimes I think if nobody spoke to me, I'd never speak again."
Alice Oseman, Radio Silence
"I want to / sin / every time / I am with / him."
Ming D. Liu, He wants to corrupt me. And I let him.
"I couldn't touch you without ruining you, / so I didn't touch you at all."
Mindy Nettifee, All I Had To Say For Myself
"If there is a God then I am going to make him cry."
S. Osborn, Blasphemies at the 5th Street Station
"I am here, alone, at the end of the world. I reach out and touch nothing."
Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World (tr. Alfred Brinbaum)
"I considered suicide, but I felt a strange fondness for my body, my life. Scarred as they were, they were mine."
Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye
"Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing."
Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
"This is what our dying looks like. You believe in the sun. I believe I can't love you."
Jericho Brown, Another Elegy (This is what our dying looks like)
"I am in the mood / to be forgotten."
Hanif Abdurraqib, FOR THE DOGS WHO BARKED AT ME ON THE SIDEWALKS IN CONNECTICUT
"It is awful to want to go away and want to go nowhere."
Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
"I took a certain pleasure in informing the gender clinic that even though their program told me I could not live as a Gay man, it looks like I'm going to die as one."
Louis Sullivan
"Lie to yourself about this and you will forever lie about everything."
Frank Bidart, Queer
"I am quiet, I bury no one, blood is drying beneath my nails. I do not know which me it belongs to."
Julian Randall, On the Night I Consider Coming Out to My Parents
"I have stopped bringing flowers to the grave of the teenager I used to be."
Blythe Barid, If My Body Could Speak
"My longing for the past is deeper than words."
Tao Yuan-ming, Matching a Poem by Secretary Kuo (tr. Burton Watson)
"The day I died / I didn't tell / my body."
Jasmine Mans, Black Girl, Call Home
"(does not dream; is only dreamed of)"
Franny Choi, Soft Science
"Growing up and seeing your parents' flaws is like losing your religion. I don't believe in God anymore. I don't believe in my father either."
Nicola Yoon, The Sun is Also a Star
"Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine."
Richard Siken, Crush
"I needed to be somewhere different. Maybe I needed to be someone different, too."
Heather Davis
"I wanted to be where nobody I knew could ever come."
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
"To be made of flesh was humiliation."
Alice Munro, Lives of Girls and Women
"Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be devoured?"
Friedrich Nietzsche, Good and Evil
"I am tired. / These people make me feel like I have a hole in the middle of me."
D. H. Lawrence, The Complete Works; The Plumbed Serpent
"I've polished this anger and now it's a knife."
Cathy Linh Che, Go Forget Your Father
"Home is the first grave."
Fatimah Asghar, How'd Your Parents Die Again?
"Who hasn't ever wondered: am I a monster or it this what it means to be a person?"
Clarice Lispector, The Hour of the Star
"That's how hearts get broken, you know. When you believe in promises."
Kathleen Glasgow, Girl in Pieces
"So much to do today: / kill memory, kill pain, / turn heart into a stone, / and yet prepare to live again."
Anna Akhmatova, The Sentence
"My body is burning with the shame of not belonging."
Warsan Shire
"I want things to hurt- / cigarette smoke to burn my lungs, / glass shards to cut my skin / pavement to rasp against my knees. / I do not want beautiful; / I want a goddam tragedy."
Meggie C. Royer, Tragedies
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