#fandom reactions are better than the real thing

[frogkunlit]

OreImo is a Tragic Love Story

By this stage I assume you already know about the ending of OreImo. Doubtless, you have opinions. I am here to tell you that they are incorrect. My Little Sister Can’t Be This Cute! is a work of literary genius. Continue reading Untitled

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#fandom reactions are better than the real thing #how to watch anime correctly #i don&039;t know what i was on when i wrote this #i want a kawaii imouto #i&039;m allowed to hate this anime because i love it #incest for the win! #ore no imouto ga konna ni kawaii wake ga nai #the most beautiful love story #yeah i was trolling

[bastardlybonkers]

i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one

his name is toshiro 😭 lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.

ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication

ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.

#dunmeshi #dungeon meshi #shuro dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #toshiro nakamoto #dont get me wrong i understand relating to a character and hating whoever wrongs them cause youre protective or you relate really hard #but i think toshiros been getting the short end of the stick for a long time now 😭 #even his love for falin is misunderstood #he literally states all the reasons he likes her #and none of them are superficial #but hes so closed off and has such difficulty expressing himself that instead of asking her out or smth he just #proposed to her out of the blue 😭 #leading a lot of ppl to just assume that he went 'white woman spotted' and proposed #do Not misunderstand me i am #a HUGE farcille stan #obviously #but i dont think toshiros feelings are surface level and i think theyre absolutely crucial to understanding him and his motivations #as a character in this story

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Neil.

I know you are flooded with asks and this somehow became extremely long. Too long. “Why am I suddenly telling this poor man my life story?” too long. “I think I’d rather he work on the GO3 script than read this wild beast” too long. “He’s going to think you’re criminally dangerously insane” too long. If you never get to it, I’m good with never seeing a response from you. Maybe it’s better that way? Maybe an anon would have been nice here. But, it’s 2024, so I say “we ball.” It’s a privilege to be able to send this to you at all. You get a lot to this effect and I hope they give you good feels, so maybe what’s the harm, yeah? Because this is not an ask. This is a thank you letter.

First, thanks for reblogging my therapist post, I hope it amused you. I nearly sent you “How am i supposed to explain this to my therapist?!” But refrained. At that time.

So, therapy. What is therapy really? Well…

Things have been really rotten for as long as I can remember. Bad health, bad doctors, bad relationships, bad coping mechanisms, bad all kinds of things. (Yeah, bad is a weak and unhelpful word, my therapist reminds me, but we’re doing this.)

Well, things got even more really really rotten and BAD these last few years. Health declined further, coping mechanisms declined further and more intensely, packed up my life, applied for disability, moved back in with my parents across the country.

Then 4 years ago last week I watched my fiance die of a sudden heart attack. I was 29. Two years later my best friend died. Then last summer I sauntered vaguely into a cancer scare. Not long before an operation my cat who has been my companion through so much garbage died as well. I’m not entirely in the clear on the cancer scare front. All my attempts at going back to work, volunteering, going to grad school - they collapsed on me because I couldn’t get through this STUFF.

(Sometimes when I talk about this, when I tell people, I think “they are going to think you are a raging pathological liar.” Because I’m not sure I would believe someone if they told me all of this happened to them. In such a short time period. All before they were 35. And hell if that hasn’t been isolating. You know how it sounds? Lonely. And it is.)

I did the hypervigilant and sensation/experience chasing stage of PTSD. It got me in a lot of trouble in all kinds of ways. I had to do a lot of medical and psych advocating because things kept getting worse. That was exhausting. Then that peaked. I went into the thick of the “I feel absolutely nothing” stage for a long time. I didn’t feel fatigue or hunger or thirst. Not people, feelings, a reason. Not hope.

But of course, like seems be for a lot of us, I somehow found Good Omens at just the right time. I was a very “I’m so cool and intellectual I mostly consume non-fiction media” person for too long. Like, what? How is that even a real thing? And it wasn’t real. It was just part of this curated autism mask that I don’t think anyone really bought anyway.

I think I got to a point where I’d just had too much reality. I needed fantasy. I didn’t realize I always needed it. But I denied myself for too many odd and painful reasons. Maybe I thought it was an escape I didn’t deserve.

But as it turns out, it wasn’t an escape. I watched both seasons last fall, and then this light came on. I watched it again and again.

I came to tumblr because I needed more. I found this fandom. I stepped into this beautiful world of fanart and fanfiction and brain flexing meta writing and a sense of community and wonder that you and Terry created - that everyone involved in the show inflated - exploded in the right way - like fireworks if fireworks were some kind of autocatalytic reaction - a self perpetuating force.

It’s not a “saved my life” feeling. Not a “getting my life back” feeling. It’s been a “maybe it’s time for you to have the life you’ve always been denied - that you’ve denied yourself” feeling.

I’m creating. I’m not “great” yet. Not terribly “good” at all. Maybe “behind” as far as the “proper” timeline for starting. I know there isn’t one, not really, but boy does that society machine make ya feel like there is. And sure, I started and stopped a lot in the past. But the second it got hard I always gave up. I felt like if I didn’t get it “right” to begin with, then I just didn’t have it in me at all. But for once I’m really in it. I’m writing and trying to draw things that look less like fever dream five year old drawings. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those, is there? 🙃) I’m eating better. I’m sleeping better. I reach out to old friends more. I’ve made new friends who share this love of Good Omens.

My therapist has been floored by the change in me. After that first funny mini flop, he has been so encouraging about it. I saw him this week and I said “Maybe this is helping me get prepared to start living again. Maybe it’s a springboard.” And he honest to god said “But You ARE living. This is YOU LIVING. Why does it have to be a springboard? Why do you have to turn this into ‘work?’ Just let yourself have this for once in your life.”

But there were two more added elements that made it all work. And I can’t help but think this whole brainrot thing wouldn’t have happened without them. So many things just happened all at just the right time - a proper coincidence.

In all of the madness of the last few years I finally got the memo that I'm autistic. i figured I was for a while. But it finally sunk in for me and my docs and my people. So I’d been working on unpacking that. Grieving the life that could have been entirely different, shedding the mask. I let myself hyperfixate openly instead of hiding it and hating myself for “spiralling” or “obsessing” like others -!like ‘I’ always punished myself for before we knew that it was a trait and not a personality flaw.

Then over the last few months my therapist and I started trying this new exercise. One session he stopped me and said “in the last 20 minutes you have responded to what I’ve said with 9 ‘I knows.’” My response to that? “Ugh, I know.” So we started this “I know” swear jar type situation. Really, I’ve been afraid of not knowing. I couldn’t let myself “not know.” Because it meant I was “dumb.” I was just drowning for so long in guilt and self loathing for the “I knew better and screwed up anyway.” Or “I should’ve known better - I should know that by now.”

As it turns out, there’s a lot of things I don’t know. That I didn’t know. Things I will never know. And refusing to admit all of that kept me from learning a damn thing. Kept me from asking questions. Kept me from trying new things because it was scary to do something new - something unknown - and I "knew" how it would all turn out anyway. Kept me from connecting with people because it was painful or embarrassing when they knew things I didn’t and it seemed like I already should have. Kept me from getting better at making art, music, writing. Kept me from forgiving myself. Kept me from growing. And kept me from moving forward. Maybe not on. I don’t know if we ever “move on” from things. But we can move forward as we carry them. And as we do, the weight gets less. We’re able to carry it better. But only if we can admit that we don’t know how. Only if we don’t treat ourselves like this is something we do know or should know and we’re just failing because we’re less than. Not good enough. Not strong enough. Not deserving. We have to be able to say “I don’t know how to do this.” And then we can start looking for the answers. We can ask. We can learn.

I thought about the apple. Being able to tell the difference between good and evil. Aziraphale’s years and years of watching what he “knows” to be true be proven wrong. Crowley’s need to ask questions…

The simple and enormous gift of “Knowledge.” The “Knowledge” of the difference between Good and Evil. The “Knowledge” that can only be gained by realizing, accepting, admitting that there are things we don’t know. Asking the questions. Sometimes we get answers we don’t like. Sometimes the consequences of asking hurt us. And unless you want to stay in that painful place that painful knowledge got you, well, you’ve got to let yourself learn how to get out.

So all of this good? I never expected this. I never thought I deserved it. Joy and belonging and this sense that “Yeah, maybe things can get better. Maybe things can be good.” Because I said those things, not truly believing them, to the people I thought needed to hear it. But it couldn’t save them. It was hollow. The proof for us wasn’t really in our orbit or on our radar at the time. And now they’re gone.

People always say “it’s never too late.”

One of the people I lost said “it’s later than you think.”

I jokingly would respond “it’s already too late.”

It was for him in the end. For them. For some people I guess it really is. But maybe a lot of the “too late” people are there because they think “they know” that things will never be good for them. So they stop looking, they stop asking, stop finding. And eventually they just stop.

Then there came Crowley’s “It’s always too late.” The first time I heard it I thought “For sure, Crowley-cakes, I KNOW.”

But then…I just needed to rewatch the whole thing. And lines like that…familiar things…familiar themes…I was suddenly identifying with these characters. I suddenly saw myself. And the realization hit - I connected with something! Something new. And I FELT THAT. And that tiny little crack that made in the wall was just enough to start breaking it down. Yeah, when you start letting yourself feel after not feeling for so long, opening up to the good feelings means opening up to feelings and then the bad ones come out too. But when there IS good … it helps you balance. You can deal with the bad a little better because you’ve got the good thing to lean against when it gets too much. And now you’ve got feelings. You’ve got good and bad. You’ve got sticky foggy grey. You’ve got life.

Whew.

So, TLDR, thank you. From the bottom of my slowly healing heart, thank you.

And to sign off with some shits and giggles… I couldn’t find this in existence as a sticker so I had to custom order. Perhaps this will spread misery and panic among the humans of my city - or at least a malignant and creepy sense of unease.

Or maybe they’ll say “wtf” and go home and google it and they’ll fall into the Good Omens hole they never knew they needed too.

Thank you for this. I never quite know what to say to messages like this apart from I am really glad that it helps. (It becomes the weird extra piece that I worry about when writing season 3 -- hoping that it will be that thing again. Not just a story, but something that helps people feel and helps with healing and helps with love.)

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Why are people sleeping on the darker sides of Gales character and reducing it down to "he was groomed so it's not his fault/he only does it to hide his insecurity BC he hates himself so it's fine"

Y...you know his hubris is mega sized right? His ego is crazy inflated right? He's a power hungry man who genuinely thinks he's better suited to welding ultimate power than anyone else and he actions this perspective in game if you support him in it/unless you interrupt him right?

Like he has the Wizard Ego we see in Rolan, in Lorroakan. He has it too. It's kind of a wizard... Thing in the game at least, where they act like they're hot shit and spend their time trying to put other wizards down because they treat it like Highlander lol (THERE can BE only ONE ultimate hot shit wizard and of course it's me!)

He thinks he has the best opinions, he thinks he's the smartest, he thinks he's the best suited for power and that he's entitled to it because he's the best. He is extremely ambitious and he thinks being ambitious is one of his best qualities.

Have you seen his reaction if you try to let your Tav deal with that magic in that scene? Where he goes off about being the most qualified and that you CANT do it, and if you do he calls it sheer dumb luck?

Like you can totally say he acts this way due to severe insecurity but *he 1000%* DOES act this way in game and again, it's good writing! Is he a loving gentleman? Was he groomed and abused? All yes.

Does he have the hubris of a man who thinks he's better than everyone else and deserves godhood for himself and does he have an ego the size of Faerun that is also so delicate he threatens to explode if you tell him he's unimpressive ? Yes

Cause he's multi faceted and well written and he has good aspects and rough aspects and questionable characteristics and negative characteristics almost like a person who is capable of being many things at once, like real people are.

C'mon, fandom, let's try to take characters for all that they are and not pedestal them. It really take the flavour out of the experience because there's so much potential in characters that are more than just the 'best' parts of themselves

He also grows and changes throughout the game based on your characters influence and that's important to note as well because that's super cool and it means he has character development

#love Gale #hes totally a little shit #who thinks he deserves to be a god bc hes the highest qualified #power hungry wizard #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 gale

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

Calling them "Daddy"

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairing: Dazai, Chuuya, Nikolai, Akutagawa, Atsushi, Fyodor X Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Format: Drabble

Warnings: Suggestive content, Pet names (Baby girl, Dove, etc)

Word Count: 1.1K

A/n: Some of these are based on some TikTok vids I've seen before, so credit to them lol

↳Chuuya Nakahara

"Can you help me with the zipper, daddy?"

Chuuya choked on his wine as he started coughing rapidly, with you watching him having a big smile on your face.

"What did you say to me?"

"I said can you help me with the zipper?"

"No no after that" He shook his head and came closer to you, looking at you eagerly "What did you say after that?"

"Oh you mean daddy?" you rolled your eyes playfully, hands reaching for his bowtie to fix it. "What? Aren't you my daddy?"

"I'm your daddy" He grinned and pulled you closer to himself just to lift you up, which you collaborated by wrapping your arms around his neck. "I like that, keep calling me that"

"Ok daddy"

Chuuya was losing it when you planted a kiss on his cheek, as if your coquetry wasn't enough already.

"Yeah keep calling me that and we'll never leave the bedroom again, baby girl"

↳Osamu Dazai

"Welcome back, daddy" You walked toward your boyfriend and his colleague who were sitting on the couch in the living room. He raised his head with a smirk and stared at you smugly.

"Thanks, Bella. Daddy has had a very long day"

"Oi! Are you two for real" Kunikida protested with a sharp tune, only for Dazai to ignore him while stretching his arms out.

"Ugh I'm exhausted! C'mon baby girl, come give daddy a massage"

"I can't believe you guys. So shameless" Kunikida got up and walked away, with your eyes following him until he exited the room.

"Let's go to the bedroom now, shall we Bella?" The brunette beamed as he placed a hand behind your back, guiding you to your shared bedroom.

"Didn't you want a massage, Osamu?"

"You can do better than a massage, baby girl" His hand squeezed your ass from behind. "Also, call me by my name one more time and you'll get a hard punishment. You don't want daddy to be disappointed, do you?"

↳Nikolai Gogol

"This meal is so sour! Don't you think so, daddy?"

Nikolai raised his head from the plate, smirking at how lewd you were to call him that in a public place. He was also turned on of course, so he put his hand under his chin while staring at your face which had a hidden smile on it.

"You think so, Dove?" "Yeah! I can't believe how expensive it is when it tastes so awful! Seriously daddy, these people are trying to scam us. You should teach them a lesson"

"Oh I will do anything for you Dove" He got up from his seat, placing his head next to your ear, sending shivers down your spine every time his lips made contact with your ear. "I will kill them all. No one has the right to upset my Sugar cube"

"Oh daddy~" Placing a kiss on his cheek, you smiled innocently at the tall man beside you. "You would do that for me?" "I would" "Then, I'll have to show my appreciation to you somehow, right?"

"Don't you worry your little head about that" Nikolai caressed your hair while imagining all the things he was about to do to you in the restaurant's bathroom. "I've already figure out the perfect way for you to repay me, baby girl"

↳Ryuunosuke Akutagawa

Akutagawa had literally zero experience when it came to dating before meeting you, so when he heard the word "Daddy" slip from your mouth, he only got confused.

"What?"

"I said what do you want for dinner, daddy?"

His eyebrows twitched and he looked at you with perplexity in his eyes. "Why... Why would you call me that?"

"Well... What do you think?" You winked at him playfully, finding his reaction cute.

"Is it because I remind you of your dad?" "What? No! Ewe!" "Then why else would you call someone daddy other than your biological father?!"

"You know what just forget it" You shook your head with a soft smile and went back on cutting the onions again, thinking you had a lot of things to teach this charming inexperienced adorable man.

↳Atsushi Nakajima

Drops of blood shot out of his mouth the second he heard you calling him "Daddy". His face turned as red as a tomato, blood rushing to his veins from embarrassment.

"Wha- Why- I- stop messing with me y/n!"

"What?" You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling playfully while giving his neck a small lick. "You don't like it when I call you daddy?" "It's not that I don't like it, it's just that..."

"Awww! Is my daddy being shy?" Shortening the gap between the two of you, you got closer to him until there were only a few inches between your lips. He was still embarrassed, but there was a new feeling growing inside him. A new one that made him impatient when you took your time to tease him.

"Don't be like this, daddy. You like it when I call you that, don't you?"

Yeah, as inappropriate as it was, he would be lying if he said he didn't like it.

"C'mon daddy, show me how much you like it when I call you that"

"You're going to be the death of me y/n" is what he says before slamming his lips on yours.

↳Fyodor Dostoevsky

"I'm sorry that I spilled water on you, Fedya" You said with fake embarrassment, standing in front of your husband who was sitting on the couch. He was a tiny bit irritated, but he didn't want to make a fuss about it.

"It's ok. Be careful next time"

"That's it?" You reply curiously "Aren't you gonna punish me for being distracted, daddy?"

Fyodor's eyebrows rose with surprise, but soon a small smirk found his way to his lips. "Oh? So you did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking abou- Woah!"

He suddenly pulled you on his lap, starring into your eyes as his thumb caressed your bottom lip gently. "You're being naughtier than usual, Myshka. Is that how desperate you are for my attention? To the point that you're willing to ruin my clothes? Maybe you do need to be punished"

Well, that night you definitely did got the attention you were yearning for.

Reblogs are appreciated!

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd imagines #bungou stray dogs #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #atsushi x reader #nikolai x reader #fyodor x reader #akutagawa x reader #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #atsushi x y/n #atsushi x you #dazai x you #dazai x y/n #akutagawa x you #akutagawa x y/n #chuuya x you #chuuya x y/n #fyodor x you #fyodor x y/n #nikolai x y/n #nikolai x you #nikolai gogol x reader #fyodor dostoevsky x reader #dazai smut #chuuya smut #atsushi smut #nikolai smut

[jaspvids]

The Diagnosis Of David

Disclaimer: I am by no means a mental health professional. This is just a meta-analysis.

What do we think of when we think of David?

His values of kindness. Optimism. Hope. Conviction. Passion. His drive to do his best every single day. The way he always makes an effort to reach out to others.

But also:

Attachment issues. People pleaser. Rose-colored glasses wearer. And at times, though the fandom doesn’t want to acknowledge it — Selfish. Unstable. Rude. Hypocritical. Kind of a dick.

See this video I made;

He’s complex, so let’s try to unpack him, and figure out what he’s got going on under that floof.

On David’s Childhood

David has been through a number of traumatic events in his childhood, most notably:

Witnessing Jasper fall to his near-death.

Finding Jasper, and being almost mauled by bears during the escape.

Clown school was apparently very bad, given the flashback-like reaction he had when it was mentioned. I’m unsure of his age when this occurred, however.

The fight with Jasper at the cave before they parted ways.

Losing Jasper. He says Cameron told him he was picked up by his parents, but I’m not convinced it’s not just his mind trying to erase painful memories.

As far as what we don’t necessarily see in the show, but can infer, David’s father was either not present or not great. He dreamt Cameron was his real father, as seen below.

And we all know Cameron is an awful father figure to begin with.

Yet, that’s better to David, apparently, than whatever he had at home. Which implies it was likely a pretty bad situation.

This can also be backed up by his attachment to the camp — growing up (and even now) it seems to be more of a home to him than his actual home.

That’s a home that hasn’t ever been mentioned, by the way. Contrary to Gwen, we know absolutely nothing about his family. He hasn’t talked about them once, if I recall correctly.

David is often open with emotions, if not wearing his heart on his sleeve. So why would he never mention his family and home?

We know why.

Even as an adult, he has retained this attachment to Cameron (who has in turn, continued to use this attachment to his benefit). He gets very excited about helping Cameron change in “keep the change” — because he needs to believe people who hurt him can get better. Otherwise, it’s too painful to bear.

The Loss Of Jasper

Part of his childhood, but significant enough to warrant its own section.

Jasper and David had a very interesting relationship. We’ve seen in the past that David was pessimistic, foulmouthed, and hot-tempered, directly compared to an optimistic, peppy, popular Jasper.

But then Jasper saw Cameron’s real self, and David received a modicum of praise for what was likely the first time based on his reaction. And so, they basically did somewhat of a switcheroo.

(David takes on many traits of Jasper after this experience, showing that he does admire him at the end of the day. I believe these traits are the foundation of David’s many masks.)

Despite the whole shebang, further episodes show us that they form a strong bond (or maintain one, we don’t know what happened before the first Jasper and David episode.)

What makes this friendship especially crucial in David’s development is that I believe Jasper was the first person to truly stand up for David.

David is, as we have seen, easily manipulated. Jasper picks up on this, and knowing Cameron’s just trying to use his best friend, tries to take Cameron down.

Jasper essentially died trying to protect David.

If Jasper hadn’t died, I don’t think David would have ended up as gullible and dependent as he is. If he had the more rational and realistic Jasper by his side during the rest of his developmental years, I believe things would have ended up much, much differently.

With Jasper’s death, there seems to be nobody else at camp who knows of Cameron’s crimes, or possibly, doesn’t want to speak out about them. Nobody to stand up for him. Nobody to redirect him.

So there’s nobody to stop the unhealthy-attachment-train from picking up speed.

Cameron And David’s Relationship

Cameron is manipulative and abusive towards David. This even becomes physical:

Despite this, David continues to idolize him as is seen in many cases of abuse. He works his ass off maintaining Cameron’s camp. Cameron’s approval makes or breaks him, because this is the man he sees as a father, unfortunately.

In addition, David is unable to let go of the hope that Cameron can change, because he’s convinced himself that deep down Cameron is still “good”, based on his skewed perception of him. And we all know how that ended.

But as Diane from Bojack Horseman once said —

And that is David’s problem — he wants so much for there to be a “deep down”, that there will be a day where Cameron showers him with praise and throws signed adoption forms at him, etcetera.

He judges Cameron not on who he actually is, but who he wants him to be. And so, the unhealthy attachment remains.

(Which is, of course, incredibly destructive to his mental health.)

Other Things We Know About His Mental Health, From Canon

We know he takes meds.

We know he has (sometimes dissociative) panic attacks.

We know he has been seen to suddenly snap, even to the point of violence.

My Final Conclusion: C-PTSD

(As the trauma has been not just one event, but many over the course of his life, and among other reasons, I believe CPTSD fits better than PTSD.)

David meets much of the criteria, most notably:

Lack of emotional regulation

Dissociation

Flashbacks

Anxiety

Guilt and shame

Distorted perception of abuser

Relationship difficulties

Okay this was long I’m tired good night.

#camp camp #camp camp david #cc david

[tommykinard6]

Buddie fans, my loves, come have a seat for a moment.

I want to have a chat, from a long time Buddie lover to you, whether you’re new or have been here a long time.

It’s okay.

I’ve been in the trenches with you. I’ve been pulling for Buck and Eddie to get together for years. I haven’t given up, even as I’ve seen other fans leave because they lost hope. I don’t blame them. The Buddie section of the fandom has been powerful and beautiful and all consuming. We’ve gone seven seasons and up until this point, not one of the two men in question was even confirmed to be queer.

But we all need to take a moment and breathe. That’s it. Stop doom scrolling for a moment and breathe in.

Good. Now hold for a moment.

And breathe out.

I’m going to get real here, alright? And you might not like everything I say and that’s ok.

We need to stop being a problem. Stay with me. I’m not saying we need to stop shipping Eddie and Buck. Far from it. I will love that ship forever. I’m not saying we need to stop our fanfics or fanart or our love for these two. Our feelings are valid. Many of us have been in love with these two for a long time. The Buckley-Diaz family is a strong unit.

Our feelings are valid and we feel what we feel. But our reactions are utterly and entirely our own responsibility.

We need to stop the bullying.

Let’s face it, many Buddie fans have also been long time bullies in the fandom. Particularly in regard to the actresses who have played the female love interests in the past. Don’t get me wrong, aside from maybe Ali, I have disliked every love interest introduced. But have we not yet learned to separate actress from character? If we are going to dislike an actress, let’s do it for a valid reason. Marisol’s actress for example is problematic. But many fans have rained hell down upon any woman introduced.

I’ve noticed this issue for a long time. But now we’re dealing with the issue being even more widespread because of Buck/Tommy. Now fans are bullying each other. The fandom is divided, even in what is probably one of the better seasons we’ve gotten (in my opinion). I need you guys to stay with me here.

Buck is bi.

Let’s say that again. Evan Buckley is bisexual. A major character on a major show on a major network, previously a womanizer and still a very masculine figure, is queer.

This is monumental. This is amazing.

But so many of you are letting your feelings about Buddie get in the way of appreciating the progress we’ve made. Especially with the reintroduction of Tommy Kinard, Buck’s love interest.

Let’s clear up a couple of things, shall we? Tommy Kinard is not Sal DeLuca. He is not Captain Gerrard. While he was part of the old 118 and definitely was in the old boys club, not only is he not the major problem, but in most cases that he’s an asshole, it can be traced back to his own secret. It’s not great, sure. But let’s look at the facts. Chimney is friends and still keeps in touch with him. Hen appears to hold no animosity and was clearly comfortable with him. In Bobby Begins, they all are friends. And clearly, Tommy has undergone a massive self-growth period. You cannot try to back up your point with inaccurate facts.

People can change. People can also be forgiven. It’s the prerogative of those involved. Enough said.

“But TK6,” you may say, “Buck should be with Eddie! Tommy is a plot device!”

Let’s set aside instant gratification culture really quick and talk about storytelling. You cannot get everything you want when you want it. You also cannot have your cake and eat it too. Buck and Eddie, if both queer, were never going to come out at the same time. Do we really want that?! Because identity is messy. Self discovery is messy. Eddie has Catholic guilt. Buck has self esteem/worth issues. Life isn’t a fanfiction. The real possibility of their relationship surviving such a transition isn’t all that high. IF Eddie is canonically queer, he’s going to have a rougher path than Buck has had.

Also, everyone is a plot device. Let’s get real. If a character doesn’t move a plot along, what’s the point? YES, Tommy is there for a storyline. That doesn’t in anyway invalidate his existence or his presence in Buck’s life.

If you want an instant Buddie storyline, visit ao3! There are amazing stories on there.

Now let’s talk about Buck/Tommy, or TEvan.

I am a long time Buddie lover. I also proudly ship TEvan. Yes, those can coexist. I don’t often multiship, but it’s a beautiful thing. I want Buddie to be endgame, sure! But I’m also okay if TEvan lasts. If they end up being endgame, will I be disappointed about Buddie? Of course. I will also be thrilled because Buck and Tommy are a sweet couple and I’m here for it.

As a queer woman, I’m happy that Buck is bi. Multisexual representation is still sorely lacking. Male sexuality that lets a man keep his masculinity while being queer? Even more so. Just take a look at the ao3 tag. Buck is emasculated in many fics. That’s why I stopped reading a lot.

We have a ship here that includes two very masculine men, who are emotionally vulnerable and exploring something new. I understand ship disappointment. But the negativity is wild. We need to stop the bullying. We need to stop the cheating storylines. We need to stop making Tommy into an ab*s*r only because we apparently can’t handle a love interest being a good person.

At the end of the day, these are fictional characters. It’s a fictional show. But these are real people. All of us are sitting here behind our screens with real feelings. We need to stop.

Buddie may one day happen. And maybe they won’t. TEvan might be endgame. They might not be. Tis the way of 9-1-1. It’s exciting, isn’t it? Waiting for something new and exciting. It was starting to get a little stagnant.

As a queer person, I’m not trying to gatekeep anyone. However, we cannot sit here and say “stop queerbaiting us!!!!” (They weren’t, we’ve always had queer representation on 9-1-1) “give us more representation” and then when they give it to us say, “NO! Not that way!”

If it was about the representation, it being Eddie or Tommy would matter a lot less.

So if you are someone using representation to shield yourself, kindly just be honest with yourself and everyone else.

In the words of our Lady and Savior Taylor Swift, “You need to calm down”.

Now, back off into the world of scrolling you go, my lovelies. Remember, keep an open mind and breathe. At the end of the day, it’s a show. But I for one will happily wait for every episode because I’m loving this.

#911 abc #9-1-1 #911 season 7 #911 show #tommy kinard #bucktommy #evan buckley #buddie #eddie diaz #911 spoilers #911 meta #I’m sure I’ll get hate and I’m prepared for that #however #I’d like to point out that you’ll simply prove my point #it’s two am and I just want people to get along #lgbtq community #lgbtq

[danieldrivesfast]

After some absolute bullshit I've seen in the last 12 hours in Formula 1 circles, I need to let the intrusive thoughts out.

These are GROWN MEN participating in a multi-billion-dollar global sport. Stop projecting your feelings and experiences onto them. The infantilization of these men is absolutely ridiculous. The behavior of so many fans is out of control. It's exhausting to have to constantly navigate around this stuff and block a dozen people a day for the crap I see.

Nobody is saying you can't have fun in fandom, make jokes, write your fanfic, make your edits, etc. I'm on Tumblr. Obviously I appreciate that stuff.

But when you're wishing horrible things on Alex Albon/Williams because poor widdle Logie Bear isn't going to race because tHaT's NoT fAiR, it just shows you have no concept of reality when it comes to the business of the sport or Logan and Alex's objective worth to it. You can feel bad for Logan as a person while acknowledging reality and not making threats.

When you're slandering Daniel Ricciardo as a selfish prick/bad friend/disgusting person for not going to Scotty James' snowboarding competitions because you don't understand how adult friendships, travel logistics, professional schedules, and equitable relationships work, you're just showing your immaturity.

When you think it's okay to scream in people's faces, throw things at people, grab/touch people without their consent and if you don't act that way you're not a real fan or "real one," it shows you have no respect.

When you think talking hate, spamming comments, sending nasty DMs, looking up medical/family information, basically stalking women who are associated with the drivers is fine (because you think you have a chance with them), you're a creep and have zero boundaries.

When you position yourself as an authority on F1 but care more about posting on social media for a reaction/likes/comments than actually sharing things that are true, you are a problem and an embarrassment to content creators/members of the media who are doing actual work. That's not directed at honest mistakes, that is to the people who are wilfully ignorant and/or feed misinformation/sensationalism because it makes them popular.

NONE of that energy is needed in F1, or any fandom. It's absolutely gross and just as nasty as the men who act like know-it-alls and treat people like crap, just from the other end of the bell curve.

Do better.

#formula 1 #daniel ricciardo #alex albon #logan sargeant #scotty james #lando norris #charles leclerc #carlos sainz #do better #toxic fandom

[riririnnnn]

I tried choking myself like this and oh boy it was such an awful experience—it felt as if someone had placed a really heavy stone over my head Don't try it, not worth it at all, I promise. 0/10, wouldn't recommend.

To choke yourself to the point where saliva is pooling out of your mouth and for you to cough like an asthmatic person, your airway passage must be blocked which means that this dude was really going at it.

So, let's talk about him:

What Kaiser has for Isagi now isn't rivalry anymore, it has become a near obsession and keeping their ship aside, they actually have a pretty unique kind of relation—they both want to get ahead in the path of their soccer career and un/fortunately, they both just happen to be the best stepping stone for eachother right now.

Since the very first time Kaiser was introduced, he had made it clear that Isagi was some sort of a pawn for him to get ahead in his soccer career and that's what Ness also said here:

And Kaiser's words seemed to match Ness' words too:

And I don't blame Kaiser for choosing Isagi to be his rival.

You see, it's tough to truly understand how much impact Isagi's goal had in the BLLK universe. The investors and club owners were literally putting pressure on Noa to make Isagi play—defeating such a boy and proving that you are better than him is a perfect way for literally anyone to increase their value; it fits even well for Kaiser since they both are in the same age group too.

But, the recent chapters, especially after BM Vs Ubers match ended, confused me more. Royale Madrid/Re Al is said to be the strongest/best soccer club in the whole world in BLLK universe, so it indirectly means that Kaiser's value increased—it actually did increase though, about ¥20 millions and Ness' reaction perfectly sums what I want to say:

Kaiser achieved what he had came for in NEL to achieve.

However, we all know what his reaction was: he didn't care, all he cared was that he was inferior to Isagi.

...why?

Like, it just doesn't make sense. He got what he wanted. Besides, Kaiser has a value of ¥320M meanwhile Isagi is still behind Rin and Rin is himself behind Kaiser by ¥100M+! Further, every team has man-marked Kaiser right away! He is already perceived as some kind of threat by every opponent team, what more he wants? Is it some pride thing of boys that I don't understand?

It just feels.. weird.

If Kaiser were to be a real narcissist, then I don't think that he would've accepted so easily that Noa is better than him and that he can't compete against him.

The above statement sends me back to this again:

Chris words can be considered as something said just to provoke Kaiser which worked a bit too perfectly well. I don't know why, but the above panel seems much more important to the story, especially to his character when we glance at this panel:

Just.. what the heck is this guy's backstory!?

I must say that he is very well written and honestly, when Blue Lock Manga ends, Kaneshiro-san can literally make a spin-off of him and the Fandom will inhale it instantly. I wish Itoshi brothers had one too.

.

.

.

When NEL starts in the anime, I hope an official BLLKTV/BLLKTWT app gets launch. Istg it'll be a massive hit.

#blue lock #bllk #michael kaiser #雪 ranting

[chibsandchill]

How to secure a future

Fandom: HOTD (House of the dragon)

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x AFAB!reader (no use of Y/N or pronouns)

Summary: Aemond’s delusions about besting his Uncle in combat comes real, and he lives out the aftermath of the war in a cabin with you. Only, it’s not enough. 

Warnings: Obsessive behavior, Aemond Targaryen, mentions of Daemon, allusions to sex, descriptions of murder and gore, metaphorical self-harm, unhealthy relationships, Aemond has truly given in to the delulu, toxic behavior and mindset, spelling and grammatical mistakes (English is my second language), allusions to cannibalism, Aemond baby-traps you, etc

Masterlist

Comments and reblogs are always appreciated

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

If Aemond knew anything it would be obsession. That gut-wrenching longing, the want for more;  the bottomless pit of darkness – a starved beast rattling rusty bars, frothing at the mouth for more. Every inhale heavy with hatred and jealousy, his blood thick as tar with envy, he was a mere shell of a man driven only by the desire to possess. To conquer. His uncle – Daemon – was much the same. His brother too. Though, Aemond thought himself cut from a different cloth. Same material, same maker, but Aemond was driven by love, he ached for the chaos that the chase brought. He thirsted for the blood of your enemies, a thirst that could never be quenched. 

Or could it? 

Had he not cut his beloved uncle from cock to eyes he might have asked for advice. Perhaps then he would be more like the prince his mother wanted and less like a rabid beast drowning in a sea of longing. Wave after wave threatened to pull him under. Sometimes he wanted to let it take him. There could be pleasure in that too. Is there a better death than one in pursuit of you? You’d cry so sweetly over his corpse. 

No, 

the thought disgusted him. He was the one deserving your affection, your tears, your pain. All of it. All his, his, his, his. 

Alas, 

Daemon, his severed cock and all his wisdom (for all the good it did him) laid buried beneath hundreds upon thousands of men in an unmarked grave, and so could not say much at all. 

If only his mother knew what Aemond was truly up to when he said he’d take Vhagar for a flight. She’d cry. Perhaps even strike him. He wouldn’t feel it, so he’d let her. Her words couldn’t hurt him anymore than the back of her hand could – not even his brother’s depravity elicited a reaction from him anymore. Their blades grew as dull as the scars they had left behind, more akin to a cold summer’s breeze than a sword through the gut. How could they hurt when you cut him so deeply? When you looked past him as if he was one of many in a crowd but you’d move so sweetly against him when he visited you at night; when you looked at him and saw nothing, but he looked at you and you were everything. 

The dragon fire in his heart was helpless against the cold left in your absence, he was a man without purpose, with naught but envy, envy, jealousy and longing and spite keeping him at your heels. Even when you were in the same room did he long for you, burn with envy at the sight of your friends sitting next to you, of your cousin who smoothed down wayward hairs, of your uncle who pushing in your chair, of the clothing that clung to you, of the very air you breathed, the blood in your veins, everything. There was not a thing he did not envy for their closeness to you, and not a thing he had not thought of tearing away so he could take his rightful place. 

Were he a better man he would write you poems. Mountains of them. Through mangled hands and bloody fingers would he write scroll after scroll declaring his love and devotion in flowery prose and sweet, sweet words that dripped with adoration. 

But Aemond was a dragon prince and he dealt in chaos, burning possession and fiery jealousy. It was all blood and gore and violence, but Aemond liked to imagine that before the war when he still had that softness to him that his grandsire made sure to beat out of him, he’d woo you with soft hands and smiles and flirtatious words spoken through giggles at grand events, and kisses stolen in gardens. 

But you saw through the flames and violence and saw Aemond for what he was. You had to. You did. He knew you did. He covered you in blood and through a wobbly smile and tear-filled eyes Aemond swore he saw your future together. 

And he grabbed a hold of that future with no intentions of letting go. 

“Honey, I’m home.” 

Aemond locked the door to the cabin behind him. Swinging from his hand was an unlit lantern. It sparked to life without much protest and a pleasant glow lit up the room. Gaunt faces drawn with unsteady hands on water-logged parchment stared down at him from where they hung precariously from rusty nails lodged in moldy walls. It hadn’t begun to smell yet – the mold – but the air was humid. 

“Aemond.” 

“Hello.” He placed the lantern on the kitchen table. It shook under its meager weight. Aemond would have to get you a new one for the new house. “Did you miss me?”

“Like a prisoner misses the headman.”

“Time has not dulled your tongue, my love. I’m glad.” 

You hummed. 

“Have you eaten?” He asked. 

“Yes.”

“Good. I brought dessert.” 

Aemond set the table. Two plates, both cracked, and a fork for you and a spoon for him. You have no glasses, not anymore, so he brought two wooden mugs with him. The handles have splintered from overuse but they served their purpose. He brought two lemon squares dusted with powdered sugar and candied lemons from the kitchens. Perhaps you’d even taste one of them this time. 

The smell filled the room, but you didn't move. 

Aemond let out a sigh as he placed the treats on the plates. “It’s your favorite.”

“Were. They were my favorites.”

His eye twitched. 

“My cousin used to steal platters of them from the kitchen the night before my nameday.” You mused. Aemond knew this already but said nothing in fear that you’d go back to silence. The sweet lilt in your voice warmed him ever so pleasantly. “They were my favorite because they were hers.” 

“Would you rather I bring something else?” 

“Candles. I don’t like the dark.” 

Odd, considering how you clung to the shadows of the room to avoid him. Aemond loved the chase. You knew that. 

“Of course.” He agreed with a dip of his head. “Anything you want.” Within reason. 

“Anything?” You pressed. “I want to go outside.”

“No.”

“Why? The war is over, isn’t it? Aemond, please, I haven’t seen the sun in months.”

The real answer was on the tip of his tongue, but he’d never let them go. You wouldn’t like it. And for what did you need the sun when he was here? He brought a lantern, did he not? He was your sun, and your moon and even the stars. In this cabin nothing could hurt you without his permission, no one could find you and take you away, nothing to leach the warmth from you or dull your smile. He could not shine like you, so he had to bring it with him, unlike you who shone like the brightest star whenever you entered a room. He had lived for far longer than a few months in darkness, with mere glimpses of your light and warmth. The gaping hole in his chest had festered and rotted the longer he carried on, but no longer. Each day when you smiled at him as he entered the cabin tore the corruption from him, your laugh cleansed him off the darkness gripping him. He was reborn by your grace. 

“Perhaps tomorrow, darling.” 

You huffed. 

“Oh. I almost forgot.” Aemond pulled out a locket from his pocket. It was made of gold and lined with red rubies. “I had this made for you.” 

His chest burned as you moved out of the shadows. They clung to you, tugged at you with their dirty fingers. Your steps are almost silent against the floor, but the rattling of chains is louder than thunder. 

A precaution. 

“What is it?” Your fingers curl around his wrist. 

The words died in his throat. You were so warm, your touch soft as silk against his scarred wrist. he had never known a gentle touch before you. Gentle did not make dragons strong, and they certainly didn’t create strong towers capable of withstanding a dragon’s attack. But he had no use of dragon fire in here, or twisted claws, or strong walls to keep you out when all he wanted was to have you closer. 

Here he was simply Aemond. And he was almost… content. 

Almost. 

“It’s a locket.” He cleared his throat. “Look.”

He flipped it open to reveal a portrait he had commissioned of the best artist in King’s Landing, and on the other side he had your favorite flower preserved. A token of his love; everlasting. Much like the flower it would never wilt, never change. He burned for you now just as he did before. He was as addicted to you as his father had been to the milk of the poppy before he passed. You consumed his every thought. 

“Oh, Aemond.” You whispered. “It’s lovely. Thank you.” 

You pressed a kiss against his cheek whilst placing your hand on the other one. Wildfire spread under the skin you touched. 

“I understand it can get lonely-”

He didn’t (couldn’t) understand, but his mother made sure he was a skilled diplomacist, and so he spat out the words as though they were poison. You were two parts of a whole, how could you be lonely when all he wanted, all he needed was you. 

“It’s okay! Truly. I like it here.” You rushed out. 

He allowed himself to bask in your touch. His clenched fist relaxed, but despite your light, your warmth, your love, the root of his darkness could not be touched. In a way, he didn’t want you to. He feared that if you reached that part you would be tainted, or worse, you would take it from him. That part allowed him to do what it takes to love you like you deserve. 

But you never would find it. He had torn at himself until he was in a thousand pieces, drifting in the wind after you. Gradually he stitched himself together, then tore the stitches and created himself anew. Mangled and broken did he wander two steps behind you, darkness oozing from the crude stitching and infested wounds. Truly a monster. Until he made himself whole again. For you. Like you. In your image he made himself anew. He tore the wings from his back, the claws from his fingers and the fire from his chest so that he may never burn you. He tore himself from the sky so that he might see you one last time. Again and again he tore flesh from bone, bone from flesh, until he began to resemble what you needed, what you desired. A thousand layers of flesh to hide the remains of a beast unworthy of you. 

Still, he could tear at himself until nothing remained, could press himself against you until all that remained of him was fading warmth, and it still would not lessen the longing he felt for you, the heart-crushing need to be closer. The seeds of doubt, of what-if’s threatened to undo all that he had made himself. 

If he allowed you but one candle, would you cast him aside? If he was not your light, would you cast him aside? He was nothing without you. Would you think the sun’s warmth superior to his? It would steal your affection, and he would be forced to wander the darkness alone again. Though he did not think he would survive this time, for he had been shown what being with you was like. 

“Good.” He managed to choke out, dull pressure growing behind his eyes at the reminders. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” 

“How- how is my mother?” 

“Thriving. Your father hired that gardener from Dorne.” Aemond placed his hand over yours. 

“Good.” You smiled with glassy eyes. “Good. That’s… good. I’m… happy for her.”

 Aemond nodded. 

He would never tell you the truth. 

Your mother carried that same unnatural warmth as you, and her blood felt like fire. Your father felt like ice. How the mix created you, Aemond would never know. The gardener had heard them. He tasted like the desert – dry, hot and awful. 

It was one of the best nights of his life, and he had left you unable to walk properly for days after. 

Now they could never take you from him. 

Their weakness disgusted him. How easily they had abandoned you. Aemond would not stop protecting you even in death. 

“Yes. Will you eat with me?”

“Oh. Thank you for the gifts but I’m not hungry.” You pulled away from him and he was once more plunged into the icy depths that was being parted from you. His skin crawled with the absence of you. 

His teeth ground together. “That’s fine.” 

“I had a lot of dinner. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” 

It wasn’t. Did you think him incapable of providing for you? 

The lemon squares dripped onto the floor. They coated his fists. 

“I- Maybe next time.” 

“Do you not love me anymore?”

Tense silence fell over the room. 

“What?” You asked, stunned. 

“Do. you. not. love. me?”

“O-of course I do!”

His eyes burned. “Is there someone else?”

“Aemond! What’s gotten into you?! There’s only you.”

“Is it the farmer?” 

“No!” 

“The stable boy?”

“No! Aemond, please! You lock the door every time you leave. There’s no one else.”

“It’s me then.” 

“Did Aegon say something to you? Is that why you’re behaving like this?” Your face reddened, but for all the wrong reasons. 

Disgust coiled in his stomach as his brother’s name left your mouth. 

“My apologies.” He inclined his head. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I shouldn’t have accused you of such filth. I knew you would never betray me like that.”

Aemond felt like a fool. Somewhere along the way he had miscalculated, had missed a piece of corrupted flesh and stitched it along his love and devotion to you. He knew you loved him. Of course you did. You were meant for each other. Two pieces of a whole torn apart by cruel gods. He would need to tear it out, and begin anew. Once more would he bathe himself in blood and fire to become worthy of you. 

You shook your head. “It’s okay. I understand.” 

He barely heard your words. He felt as though he was underwater.  Drowning, drowning, drowning. It was dark, cold, silent, and you were not there. 

How could he cement his place next to you? He had coiled himself around you after you joined together, had left himself inside you so not even that would tear you apart. As you slept he would press himself closer to you, his hold would tighten like a snake coiling around prey until you whimpered, and yet he was not close enough. His knees felt weak. It could never be enough, this would never be enough. Surely there was a way. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

“Let me make it up to you.” He heard himself saying. 

“There’s nothing to make up for.” 

So understanding. 

“Even so. I’ve missed you.” 

A sharp inhale, and then his lips were on yours. It felt like coming home, like completion. The missing piece returned to the puzzle. He had spent hours trying to put the feeling into words, and yet came up empty-handed. There weren’t a lot of thoughts swirling around his mind when he was pressed against you like this. Not when his hands had already begun to wander down your waist until he gripped your hips. You let out a surprised sound but you welcomed his touch, your own hands coming up to rest on his chest. 

Somehow you make it to the bedroom. Aemond shrugged off his coat and shoes before pushing you down on the bed. Your pupils are dilated, a delightful blush coated the apples of your cheeks, and you were smiling at him again. 

Oh, that smile. 

“Gods.” He whispered. 

Aemond’s hands shook as he began unlacing his shirt, then his trousers, his shoes. They were all thrown in a pile. They didn’t matter. His hands were steady, sure, and gentle as he pulled at the frail strings holding your dress together. It came undone easily enough, and pooled around your hips. 

Just as he leaned down to kiss along the curve of your neck, the lantern went out. It mattered not to Aemond who was used to the darkness, and he knew your body like the back of his hand. Your head lulled to the side and you sighed softly. 

And if a few weeks after that night you greeted him in tears when he returned for the night with the beginnings of a swollen stomach, then that was no one’s business but his and yours. 

#house of the dragon #hotd #hotd imagine #house of the dragon imagines #aemond imagine #aemond x you #aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen imagine #aemond targaryen x reader

[di-42]

A post by @makewayforbigcrossducks prompted me to think about a few things.

As a neurotypical person who loves Aziraphale to bits, I wonder if it's true that most neurotypical people hate, dislike or simply don't understand Aziraphale. The consensus from neurodivergent people seem to be that yes, that's the case.

I was also wondering if another factor to whether we identify or love or understand (with) Aziraphale more than (with) Crowley might be age. I tend to think that those of us who are less young empathise with Aziraphale more than those who are younger. Which would explain why sometimes the tumblr fandom seems to be one sided as tumblr users are probably averagely younger than, say, 40. But obviously that's a wild guess and it really doesn't matter.

What I really wanted to talk about is the concept, mentioned in some reblogs of that post and in other Good Omens posts, of unconditional love. My first, instinctive reaction to that post was "interesting! I'm not neurodivergent but I would defend Aziraphale against any attack and I love him unconditionally".

Except, no. Actually, I don't love him unconditionally. I don't love anyone unconditionally, whether they are fictional characters or people in my real life. If I had children probably I would love them unconditionally but I don't and there's no one whom I would love just because they exist.

People in my real life, and fictional characters as well, have had to earn my love, and I theirs. I wouldn't love them no matter what they are and what they do, I love them because of what they are and what they do. If my husband had been a racist, homophobic and misogynistic bastard I wouldn't love him. Same for my friends, siblings and mum. I never loved my father.

Unconditional love is something abusers rely on. Unconditional love is also something oppressive religions rely on because is so similar to faith: you accept everything from those you love unconditionally, don't question anything and keep having faith.

I don't love Aziraphale unconditionally. He's better than that. I love Aziraphale because of who he is. If I thought Aziraphale accepted the offer because he's power-hungry or because he's basically so stupid as not to see the metatron is trying to manipulate him I wouldn't love him. That doesn't mean I think Aziraphale is perfect. I think he's got lots of flaws and faults, which is ok. Like in real life, you can love someone and their faults without loving them unconditionally.

I also don't think Crowley loves Aziraphale unconditionally. He wouldn't love Aziraphale if Aziraphale's behaviour over the millennia had been like Gabriel's for example, or Muchael's. Crowley and Aziraphale love each other because of who they are, because of the choices they've made in their history, because they know the other has lived through their own trauma and because... I don't know. Everything. Because of how they make each other laugh. Because of how the other is always there. Because of the trust they've built. Because they see in the other something that heaven and hell will never see. Everything. But not unconditionally.

Which gives me hope. Because I think Crowley still loves Aziraphale but I also think it's not unconditional love. It's love that comes from a shared history and Crowley will know Aziraphale is not just going to betray him. Crowley will know there's something else going on. Just as soon as he recovers from the initial shock.

And, well, everything will be ok.

#justice for aziraphale #aziraphale #crowley #good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens season 2 #azicrow #aziracrow #good omens 2 #aziraphale defence squad

[frogkunlit]

My Theory About The Secret Of Little Busters!

Warning: Spoilers for the Refrain anime so far. Continue reading Untitled

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#all my feels #fandom reactions are better than the real thing #i don&039;t know what i was on when i wrote this #little busters #refrain is so good it feels like a completely different show #yeah i was trolling

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

you once said that the ZK do not allow the canonical Zuko to show real, sometimes ugly signs of trauma. can you write more about this? because that's what I always felt when I came across their terrible takes, but I couldn't express it.

Gladly! But first, I need to mention the sign of trauma that Zuko usually lacks - and that, for some reason, the fandom insists defines his character:

Fear

Don't get wrong, I'm not saying Zuko never experienced fear. We all saw that poor boy on his knees, crying, begging his father not to hurt him.

But in "Zuko Alone" we also see 10-year-old Zuko get bitter that only his younger sister was expected to show off her firebending skills, and deciding that he would go against his father and demonstrate his own skills to the Fire Lord - that despite the fact that he knew Azula was better at it than he was. Even when it goes wrong, he is upset, but doesn't look afraid of the consequences.

That same episode shows Azula mocking him for playing with knives despite not even being good at it, and even though the fandom insists she was his worst fear ever since he was a child, Zuko responds with a "Put an apple on your head and we'll see how good I am." That little guy has exactly zero chill.

Let's not forget why he was banished either: Despite being considered too young to be in that war meeting, Zuko demanded to be there, eventually got his way, and despite having been told not to say anything, the second he hears a general suggest using their own men as "fresh meat" to lure the enemy, Zuko speaks out against it. And at the start of the Agni Kai, he looked 100% ready to fight a grown ass man with battle experience - until he saw it was his father/Fire Lord.

Let's not forget his Agni Kai with Zhao, which was his idea and that he actually won - and before that, he openly calls Ozai a fool, to which Zhao points out that banishment clearly not teach Zuko to watch his mouth. Or the time he openly challenged Azula in Ba Sing Se and they only didn't fight then and there because Azula knew she'd have the advantage by using the Dai Li. Hell, at the start of that very season, after she tried to lure him to a trap, Zuko's first reaction is to charge at her, fire-daggers in hand. That boy is the definition of "Fuck around and find out."

He has also done things like choosing to save his uncle from earthbenders instead of chasing Aang, crossing a blockade and going into actual Fire Nation territory even though he legally is no longer allowed to do that, and helped rescue Aang from Zhao as the Blue Spirit. It shows us that Zuko doesn't have an issue with temporarely deviating from his mission because of something HE deems important even though his father doesn't, openly disregarding Ozai's orders, and even basically saying "My father will have the Avatar as a prisoner only if I'm the one to capture him"

And, of course, on the day of the eclipse, Zuko grabs his swords and directly threatens Ozai, telling that bastard to sit the fuck down, shut up, and listen to his list of reasons why he sucks as a parent, ruler and person.

Zuko is brave. Unbelievably so. He is fierce, proud, and impulsive to the point of getting himself in situations that he should have known would not go his way (like fighting a waterbender in the snow, in the full moon) because he is very much a "act first, think later" kind of guy. So the fandom's insistence that he is constantly paralyzed by fear is a gross over-simplification of how his trauma affects him.

We only see him genuinely afraid of Ozai twice. During the Agni Kai itself, and then again when he WANTS to speak out against his father's plan to burn the Earth Kingdom to the ground, but can't bring himself to because he remembers what happened last time he spoke out against that kind of horrible thing during a war meeting, at that very room. It took something THAT triggering to make him cower before a challenge.

However, fear wasn't the only reason why didn't speak out during that moment, and that takes us to the first "ugly" sign of trauma that the fandom as a whole likes to pretend Zuko wasn't repeatedly shown to experience:

"My father is right about me, actually"

Zuko doesn't think Ozai was wrong to disfigure and banish him. How could he? Nobody in that entire room stood up to at least try to support him, not even his uncle - who also once said "Why would your father have banished you if he didn't care about you?" because, surprise surprise, nobody in that family knows how to help someone through trauma because they're all dealing with their own shit. Even his crew, who WAS sympathetic to him after finding out how he got that scar, were still 100% willing to not only support Ozai, but risk their lives for him.

Zuko isn't just trying to heal from abuse, he is trying to heal from victim-blaming, and to go against YEARS of indoctrination that say the Fire Lord can do no wrong. That's part of why it was so difficult for Iroh and others to help him: Zuko didn't believe that he needed or deserved help.

And that is also one of his three major unhealthy coping mechanisms. Claiming that HE needs to prove himself to Ozai, that HE needs to make up for HIS mistakes, not the other way around.

It might seem strange that this could be a way to cope, but look at it this way: If it WAS his fault instead of Ozai's, then that means his dad is not an unfair, abusive piece of shit that is unbelievably cruel and impossible to please. Zuko just needs to accomplish this mission of capturing the Avatar and everything will be fine, they'll be a normal family again, and he won't have to be afraid of someone he thought he could trust.

It was like Iroh said: Things are never going to be the same ever agin, but the Avatar gives Zuko HOPE. And that hope that his abuser will one day have a change of heart and be a loving father to him again is both what allows Zuko not to give into despair - and what keeps him trapped in that awful situation.

Misplaced Anger

Another "unpleasant" sign of trauma that Zuko has is how he clearly has an anger problem. Sure, he's a moody teenager with a short fuse, but we see over and over again that he tends to blow things way out of proportion, and that when faced a fact or opinion he doesn't like, he is quick to lash out at someone with VERY cruel words (see him calling Iroh a lazy, shallow, jealous old man in "Avatar State", or calling him crazy and saying if he wasn't in prison, he'd be sleeping in a gutter in "The Headband").

Through the entire show, many people faced Zuko's wrath - Iroh, Aang and friends, his crew, Azula, innocent people of the Earth Kingdom, Mai, Ty Lee, that one rando that talked to Mai, and even Zuko himself.

The one person that usually escapes said wrath is, ironically, Ozai. In "Zuko Alone" he refuses to believe his father would ever be capable of harming him, in "Avatar State" he snaps at Iroh for doubting that Ozai really changed his mind about the whole banishment thing.

He is mad at Aang for being too difficult to capture, and at Zhao for stealing his one chance to come home. He never stops to question if it's fair that his father had him chase someone that was presumed dead, aka an impossible task, as the condition to bring him home. He also never addresses how he feels about the reason WHY said banishment happened until the Day Of Black Sun.

He is mad at Azula for lying to him and trying to take him home as a prisoner. He never gets mad at his father for not only wanting to lock him away forever because ZHAO screwed up at the North Pole, nor how messed up it was that he put Azula in charge of said mission.

For fuck's sake, in the day of the eclipse, we find out that Zuko legit believed his mother was DEAD - and the entire circumstance was shady as hell and put Ozai in a very bad light. Yet Zuko still wanted his love, still wanted to be a "worthy" son.

He HAS to direct his anger at other people, otherwise he'll realize that no, his father, the adult that was meant to care for him, is a complete monster.

Everytime Zuko lashes out at other people before confronting Ozai, he's basically acting like someone who is drowning and, in a panic, is trying to pull the nearest person under so he can try to breathe. It is one of the most accurate and honest representations of trauma and abuse, and it makes me SO mad when people erase it in their fics because "poor, innocent, helpless turtleduck that can do no wrong" makes Zuko look like less of a dick - and also completely strips him of his agency.

And that isn't even the thing that fans ignore the most. That "honor" goes to the simple fact that Zuko, as expected of a child raised to believe the Fire Lord can do no wrong, decided that Azula had the right idea and that the best way to avoid being a victim again was...

Copying His Abuser

Zuko has REPEATEDLY let his "inner Ozai" out through the show.

He is all manipulative by not letting the pirates know he was chasing the Avatar who was worth A LOT more than the scrowl they'd get as a reward for helping him, and by using Katara's necklace as a way to try and get her to say where Aang was.

He repeatedly steals stuff from innocent people (including some who helped him, like Song) because, in his own words "These people should just be giving stuff to us" - aka he's very much an entitled prince.

He betrays his uncle by joining Azula in Ba Sing Se, leading to Iroh being thrown in prison. He also doesn't give a shit when Katara says "I thought you had changed!" and he sends a freaking assassin after the Gaang. Even him refusing to tell Azula that there was a chance Aang could still be alive works both as a "Zuko doesn't trust Azula to not use that against him, and for good reason" and "Zuko did not even stop to think that, since Azula was the one who killed Aang, him coming back also puts HER in danger, because he's too focused on his own problems to notice anybody else's."

More importantly, he rejected a chance of a ceasefire with the Gaang three times (The Blue Spirit, The Chase, Crossroads of Destiny), much like Ozai refused his shot at ending the war in the finale before his battle with Aang, and not only did he challenge Zhao to an Agni Kai and seriously consider burning him, he also threatened one of his crewmen by saying he'd "teach him respect" - which we found out later that episode was what Ozai right before disfiguring poor Zuko.

For fuck's sake, Ozai was literally designed to look like an older Zuko. One without a scar, one that was never banished, one that never had to see first-hand all the death and suffering war brings and reflect on the role he plays in it.

Finally, we have the war meetings in "Nightmares And Daydreams", in which Zuko doesn't speak out against his father's completely inhumane plans to deal with the Earth Kingdom. When talking about it with Mai, he says "I was the perfect prince, the son my father wanted. But I wasn't me."

That is the turning point for Zuko for a reason. It's him finally being forced to acknowledge that, to become Ozai's ideal son, to earn his (conditional) love, to not be his victim he has to be just as bad as he is, just as cruel, just as unfair - and we see in Azula's breakdown how Zuko likely would have ended up if he accepted that path.

But he didn't, and that was not easy because even though it was the morally correct choice, it'd require him to sacrifice everything - his title as a prince, his right to be in the Fire Nation, his relationship with Mai, his (extremelly complicated, sometimes good, often awful) bond with Azula, the "easy" way to get literally anything he wanted at everyone else's expense, and, of course, accept that his father was never going to love him, was never going to change, and was never going to feel sorry for abusing him.

Erasing such a central conflict of his character for the sake of denying he ever did anything wrong is, ironically, removing one of Zuko's most noble character traits: his inability to just live with himself after doing something horrible. There's a reason he is in deep conflict even after getting everything he wanted after the fall of Ba Sing Se - he knows he doesn't deserve it after what he's done.

If you ignore his mistakes and the horrible consequences it had for other people, you also ignore Zuko's growth. This puts him more in the position of a good guy being held hostage by the evil villain, not of a troubled child that redeems himself as he matures.

No flaws, no mistakes, no growth, no arc.

Trauma Doesn't Just Go Away

This one is, by far, the bad trope regarding Zuko's trauma that Zutarians are the most guilt of: assuming that if he just gets enough comforting hugs (mainly from Katara), all of his inner turmoil will suddenly be healed. No more sadness, no more fear, no more of the ugly traits they never acknowledge in the first place. Just a happy, fully recovered Zuko.

But that's just not how these things work. Having the support of a loved one helps victims feel better, but it won't magically make everything okay. Trauma is a really difficult thing to handle. There's good days, bad days, relapses, bad habits that are difficult to move past from. And not only are there cases in which people take YEARS to recover, there are also cases in which they never fully heal, and instead just learn to live with that burden that is still very much present.

I understand the desire to show in fics and headcanons that Zuko will eventually be fully healed and happy, but the way Zutarians make Katara act as not just his girlfriend, but as basically his therapist that needs to find miracle solutions for every single one of his problems, comfort him whenever any minor inconvenience happens until he's gotten enough hugs to be magically okay doesn't just reveal how hypocritical they are, since they insist Kataang is about Katara being Aang's girlfriend/mom/baby-sitter, but also that they legit do not understand a damn thing about trauma and how it works.

Which takes me to:

How Mai Actually Did Right By Zuko

Poor, poor Mai. She gets blamed for "bring out the worst in Zuko", for not being "supportive", for being too cold and unemotional, for not "seeing the real him" - yet she's one of the characters that CONSISTENLY help put Zuko back on his track.

She offers him emotional support and lots of signs of affection over and over again - telling him not worry when they're arriving at the Fire Nation, pointing out she doesn't hate him when she says she's beautiful when she hates the world, explicitly saying she cares about him in The Beach, being incredibly sweet and loving to him during all of Nightmares and Daydreams, and then again in the finale by helping him get dressed up and acting all cute as they get back together.

But she also holds him accountable when he screws up. She doesn't let him use his difficult life as an excuse to be a jerk and calls him out when he's being unreasonable, or when she feels mistreated/like he's making a mistake (see The Beach and Boiling Rock Part 2).

But since the fandom loves to completely erase Zuko's mistakes AND to not let go of a stupid ship war, this completely changes the context, making Mai out to be this awful, bitchy girlfriend, when in reality, she did a great job handling Zuko - sometimes even better than the fan favorite and mentor figure Zuko had through most of his arc.

Uncle Iroh Fucked Up

Before all of you try to kill me, let me make one thing clear here: I love Uncle Iroh. He is one of the most awesome characters in the show, and I fully believe he was trying his best to help Zuko.

But he is still a human being that makes mistakes, and he was raised in the same dysfunctional family Zuko was, meaning he often had NO IDEA how to handle his deeply traumatized teenage nephew/son.

Him spending all of book 1 trying to help Zuko capture Aang so he could go back to living with the guy that disfigured him is already bad enough, but we also have the episode "Avatar State" in which Iroh asks "Why would your father banish you if he didn't care about you?"

Obviously he only did these things because he didn't want Zuko give into despair and depression - but he is still, at best, ignoring the issue, and at worst actively making excuses for Ozai's abuse of his own son. This backfires on him spectacularly, as Zuko sides with Azula over him both in the first and last episode of the season specifically because he believes that appeasing Ozai is the right thing to do, as he was only banished "for his own good."

But THE biggest mistake Iroh made when it came to helping Zuko was his refusal to accept that no, Zuko was never going to be happy by living a quiet, simple life in Ba Sing Se - even after Zuko explicitly said as much to his face.

Obviously, to some extent, Iroh HAS to make Zuko accept that he won't ever be able to come back home after Ozai literally ordered Azula to capture him, but he could have tried to find some kind of middle ground with Zuko, since being a waiter clearly wasn't making him happy.

"Oh, but what about how Zuko started acting after his metamorphosis? He was so happy about working on the tea-shop with his uncle, and that was supposed to reveal his true self!"

Yes, it was supposed to do that. But we saw how Zuko acted after actually dealing with his trauma and redeeming himself. He was obviously in a much healthier place, both mentally and spiritually, but he was still moody, still sarcastic, still as proud as ever, and even Iroh recognized that he was meant to be Fire Lord.

Zuko's arc has a lot to do with identity, with how he sees himself. At that point, the only thing he still had in life was his uncle - so he was acting like him, because there seemed to be no other role model, no other path. Seeing that weird, cheery, relaxed, always-seeing-the-good-side-of-things version of Zuko was honestly unnerving.

And Iroh thought that Zuko basically giving himself the Lake Laogai treatment was okay because he following in his footsteps, doing what helped IROH heal and change - he didn't realize it was never gonna be able to do the same for Zuko.

The very second Azula shows up, even when she's being hostile, Zuko drops the facade, because she's a reminder of both his old life and what he thought his future would be. And when she offers him "redemption" Iroh tried to advice Zuko against joining her by saying "The redemption she offers is not for you" (as in not for someone who is doing better and doesn't need to return to the Fire Nation) and "It's time for you to choose. It's time for you to choose good." How is it a choice if Iroh is explicitly saying which option Zuko cannot pick, essentially making the decision for him?

Iroh didn't just get the way to help Zuko wrong - he didn't realize his nephew didn't believe he needed help. They were not on the same page at all, and that contribuited to Zuko betraying him.

Though, thankfully, it ended up being for the best, as Zuko found his own way to redemption by himself.

Conclusion

This fandom as a whole tends to not understand Zuko at all and just eat up a bunch of fanon while pretending to be so intellectual, which I very much resent it for.

#anti zutara #pro maiko #pro mai #zuko is not an awkward turtleduck

[a-freemaniac]

News from a crazy mind...

Sherlock, mental health and the support from a fandom.

When Sherlock becomes what the doctor ordered....

100 days lie between those moments.

100 days since I wanted to die.

100 days since I emailed Dignitas.

100 days full of struggle and hope.

100 days later I made it out of hell again.

A handful of people who showed me unconditional love during the hardest setback of my disorder career.

I will love them till the day I die.

And once again the Sherlock world saved my soul before I destroyed it myself.

A fandom full of kindness and support and a detective and a doctor who saved me in more ways than they can ever imagine.

Had a doctors appointment on Friday and I have one hell of a doctor.

Not as good as John Watson but highly supportive of anything that increases my strength.

We talked about a little miracle.

A miracle that sounds so incredibly stupid but it is such a huge thing.

For the past five years I have to take besides my regular medication in mornings and in the evenings a little extra cocktail of meds in the afternoon to keep my extreme nervousness in check.

I'm nervous and tense 24/7 and it takes a toll on my body sometimes.

It makes it very hard to sleep and to find a way to sit still.

So the extra meds are necessary..

Ten days ago I started to listen to Podfics and quickly discovered a new way to enjoy the Sherlock universe.

I'm 43 years old and retired since I was 39 because my body couldn't take the stress anymore.

I have some free times during the day and I made it a habit for the past ten days to listen to Podfics in the afternoon and again at night.

And suddenly I could sleep and, and here comes the miracle..

I forgot to take my afternoon meds.

Even more my body relaxed in a way I haven't experienced in decades.

My body was obviously as surprised as I am because since a few days I have to drink a coffee in the afternoon, otherwise I would fall asleep.

I can only drink coffee without caffeine which tastes awful but otherwise my nervousness goes through the roof and I shake like a leaf.

But now instead of taking an extra dose of anxiety relief pills I take a real good old black coffee full of caffeine after listening to Podfics.

And that sounds incredibly ridiculous but for me it is a miracle because for the first time in over 15 years I feel calm and not because of a chemical reaction but because of a human reaction.

I know @totallysilvergirl had no idea what would happen by telling me about Podfics but I will never forget it!

Back to my incredible doctor who saw the change from a person who was determined to end this endless circle of depression and anxiety to a person who smiles again.

Now he ordered a six months try of daily Podfics ( no joke) to see if my blood levels improves and accordingly my medication can be reduced.

He knows that in the past three years my disorder was always better during my Sherlock highs so he is actually happy about the new development.

Long story short ( too late I know)

Do whatever feels right for you!

Invent your own therapy!

Do what makes you happy no matter how unconventional it might be.

Because you matter!!!!

I attach you my new and exciting Podfic collection for you.

Maybe you will find something you like.

Of course everything is available in Reading form as well.

Be happy in your own, weird, wonderful way.

@keirgreeneyes @discordantwords @a-victorian-girl @bewitched-bullet @lisbeth-kk @whatnext2020 @inevitably-johnlocked @barachiki @babaybo @jobooksncoffee @rey-jake-therapist @missdeliadili @helloliriels @podfixx @johnlocky @johnlockpodficclub @johnlockficclub @peanitbear @strawberrywinter4 @chocolate1elise @kettykika78

#bbc sherlock #johnlock #john watson #sherlock holmes #fanfiction #fandom #alternate universe #sherlock loves john #johnlovessherlock #podfic recs are the staff of life #johnlock podfics #mental health #you are loved #you deserve it #you are not alone

[christiansorrell]

RPG Read-through: .dungeon//remastered

For a while on Twitter, I've been doing read-through threads where I post my thoughts as I'm reading through a game for the first time. I recently did the same with Snow's .dungeon//remastered, a TTRPG where you are players logging in to a dead/dying MMO and exploring the digital fantasy world. I'm adapting those thoughts here for a proper Tumblr post! Enjoy!

First up, credits! Good folks who do good work in my experience. Also, we get the first of what seems to be a common through-line here that I enjoy: an online fandom bent to this all being a sort of GameFAQ style guide for an in-universe game.

My initial impression from most of the interior spreads I've seen just flipping through it is that I really love the style and layout. I think black and white layouts are underrated generally, but it really pops here with the pixelated text/symbols and the old school GUIs.

It's interesting to have these kind of "no bigotry" rules you see in many games couched within an in-universe framing. I think this more personal angle actually makes them land better for me than they typically do in games.

Of course, the author is still powerless to stop the players (just like with any instance of these rules, and all game rules in general tbh) BUT this is worldbuilding too, and it gives me a greater sense for the kind of in-universe fandom that's risen up around .dungeon.

Similarly, here's the game's unique version of safety tools - an in-game help menu that reworks things like lines/veils, x-card and more into the game world itself. I really like this.

Once again, the art in this is just great. I love the Fez-like runes/symbols. My ARG brain wants to know if there's a hidden message here.

I was surprised it was jumping right into the starter adventure, Tutorial Town, but I quickly found out that this is character creation AND a starting area/adventure all wrapped into one, video game-style, and that's so cool.

Each room of the starting area introduces a step of character creation. It's interesting that stats are based on real-world (not you the player at the table real-world but your PC at the "real-world" computer playing the game) ability. Your game knowledge, response time, etc.

As a long time Dota player, I also just really enjoy that the saving throw-like stat here is TILT. I have tilted many times and known many of my teammates to tilt regularly. Just fun to see that phrasing in a TTRPG.

There's more of the in-universe real-world player here than I expected coming in. Definitely has some really intriguing potential. I do wonder though if the intent is to be playing a "real-world" level character or if you are "playing" as yourself at that layer. Both would work.

Monster statblocks. Easy to parse and straightforward to run as the GM (tho at time the layout does have one two many things laid on top of one another that can make them hard to read at first glance - like where "GOBLIN" is here):

Health here is SYNC, and it's shared across the whole party - I'm interested to see how that full mechanic plays out and how it may affect play.

Reaction rolls. I'm surprised to see them given the video game setting, cus mobs in MMOs just always attack you. I've gone back and forth on it with my video game-inspired TTRPG. Don't think it's a bad choice, just one that means the game world is more than a usual video game.

So you have your real-world level Job (based on your characters' out of game job) and your in-game "Role" which follow the classic "holy trinity" of MMO design:

PCs and monsters can team up to attack and can forego damage for stunts - potentially fun/interesting moments happening from that. Monsters deal dmg to SYNC but only per type is interesting, means a crowd of one-enemy is more a long trickle of damage than an overwhelming burst.

Not knowing the ramifications of SYNC damage yet, I'm not sure what the Risk v Reward looks like for Respawns but it's intriguing. Letting your avatar die to keep the party in a stronger position overall (but being able to re-join after a fight) is definitely unique.

This is another fun room (and I like that other than saying late 90s/early 2000s it leaves appearance options open). I am not sure where to find the starting origins tho (they aren't on this spread and there's no page reference). Sadly, the PDF isn't bookmarked either, it seems.

This feels like a smart roadblock to place in player's paths early on. It's unlikely they'll have a lockpick at this point so really, it's about getting players into that creative mindset. What is in the room for you to exploit? What gear do you have you can use in a new way?

Might seem basic, especially to the OSR-experienced out there, but you'd be surprised how many players don't have experience with thinking more freeformly about the game in this way. No fault to them, most trad games condition you to use your PC's abilities/skills as a menu.

Another cool interaction between the layers of the game here (tho I do wish they all played more off of something more than just the tarot card being in the real-world layer). Still wondering if most folks play as themselves or as a real-world level PC.

This is interesting. I wonder if there is going to be a real-world layer to play or if this is meant to be the amount your party can heal between sessions of play (like when the actual real you stops playing in actual real life - this meta layer stuff is tricky to communicate).

I like this - a very short and sweet travel system.

I continue to love this art. Also, this tease here around dual-wielding requiring the discovery of new Roles out in the game world somewhere first is really enticing (I added the highlighter there btw).

This is fun - there are both in-game NPCs and PUGs which are other real-world players' in-game avatars. That extra layer to those types of NPCs is really fun and them running the gamut of fully out-of-character chatting to being hardcore RPers is fun to consider.

Whenever it leans into the digital world aspects, I'm super into it. Very much my kinda thing. I do wonder though how often players can swap their Roles. I don't believe I've seen that said yet - my inclination would be once on the fly (like Final Fantasy's Job systems).

And if these various layers weren't enough, .dungeon also features in-game collectible cards that are sort of enchantments and buffs. I wonder if my real-world level character can spend real money to buy Bytes to buy more packs from a merchant in town? lol

I won't spoil/detail too many more of these but these kind of fun (and common to video games but rarely seen when thinking of the world of a game or the intended way to play) moments are really appealing. Also, this game has Goons in it. Oh no.

Now I'm thinking the intention is the "real-world" level of play should be the real actual you, the person playing .dungeon the TTRPG (as opposed to a real-world level character still within the fiction of the game) since stuff like this would be tricky to track. Cool item!

Tutorial Island is cool, a good blend of char creation, intro to what the game is, and just a fun adventure with a session or more of play to it. I'd have to run/play this to really see but I find the Sync being tied to essentially your real-world session length interesting.

This stuff is cool and leans into that meta/fan-level play that only comes out of these big community-driven games, both MMOs but also things like Dark Souls.

A lot of these kind of possible secrets come as comments in the text, possibly just to inspire the GM and to get players interested in ways that the table can build out on their own over time. So far, I don't see some of the more esoteric secrets to be laid out (which I like).

The rest of the book, as far as I've seen, is lots of resources, gear tables, monsters, etc. to build out the game after player's leave Tutorial Island. The game world here has that anything goes Final Fantasy bent to it. There's swords & wagons, but laser guns & skateboards too.

The setting here is also explicitly queer (mostly seen so far in the "real-world" PUGs) and includes things like sex workers and other elements that it maybe could not have had but that would certainly lessen the richness of its world, the fandom presented throughout, etc.

The spellcasting uses the in-game money as mana points essentially. That's a cool way to limit spellcasting and motivate player's, especially spellcasters, to get out there and make some $$$.

Okay, here's the real-world explanation I was waiting for (after the in-game gear lists and such). This is cool - it's fun to have a real-life layer to this and to have the game's world support that sort of dropping in and out, doing things outside of a full party session, etc.

I know a lot of folks do this with ongoing campaigns anyway, but this is one of those fun things to include here to build that in as an expectation in play. You have your raid nights with friends and you have your little solo sessions after work where you sell your loot.

Now, the rest is a nice collection of random dungeon, NPC, settlement, hexfill tables and more. Everything you'd expect from an OSR-like ruleset but occasionally with some fun added meta-layers.

Players getting a quest from an in-game Moderator and then being able to become a Mod themselves is a really fun idea and something I could envision becoming a long-term goal for one or more players at a table. The threat of encountering an Admin is scary as well!

To finish it up, we've got a cool AASCII-style character sheet, complete with MingLiU-ExtB font (my beloved)!

And that's .dungeon//remastered! I really enjoyed reading this, and I think it has a strong core that's really enhanced by its real-world interaction layer. Gonna put this on "Play Soon" list. There are some smart rules in particular I'll likely steal for a future project.

.dungeon//remastered is available digitally NOW with, I believe, physical copies coming soon. I backed the Kickstarter to get this digital version. CHECK IT OUT HERE!

#ttrpgs #ttrpg #indie ttrpg #fantasy #mmorpg #rpg #dnd

[olderthannetfic]

I don’t know what it is that makes teens first getting into online fandom assume it’s just a thing for teens, but I certainly remember being in that same place 20 years ago and leaving an embarrassing comment on the first smut fic I ever found that was like “wow what if your parents find out you’re writing this kind of stuff?” But once I actually got to know people in fandom who were married and had real jobs, I actually thought it was pretty cool and validating that adults were into this too. Not to mention it made me feel better about the fact that these older fans were much much better writers than me lol. It’s such a bummer that now so many fans’ reaction to the idea of older people in fandom is to be creeped out instead.

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