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sugar-grigri · 9 months

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Fans are Denji's source of unhappiness

First observation: Fumiko is worse than Barem

I don't like making meaningless comparisons, especially in a work like Chainsaw Man where when the characters aren't nuts, they remain at least morally gray. But this comparison makes sense in the sense that the construction of the chapter refers to it. As usual, let's analyze this by following the chapter's chronology.

This one takes place in a funfair, which is not an insignificant location, but we'll come back to that later. These few lines of dialogue already evoke a very simple idea: Denji isn't so stupid that he wouldn't know he was being manipulated. He knows full well that Fumiko was placed in Yoshida's care not to protect him, but to keep a close eye on him, to prevent him from turning and joining the church.

But she tries to disprove all this, evoking the ecstasy one might feel if one were Chainsaw Man. Being Chainsaw Man is also a source of unhappiness for Denji, who corrects her, and Fumiko adapts to his speech, looking for the first negative point that comes to mind. I think it was a real mistake for Fumiko to mention this point, but once again, she adapts to Denji's reaction. He's completely horrified at having been observed in the bathroom, so she shares his negative view of the situation.

She knows that Denji's main objective is sex-related, so she builds on that by downplaying what she's doing. This is fan behavior; fans are sexually obsessed with Denji in the hope that it will delight him. But Fumiko knows no bounds, either ignoring his consent or stalking him, which logically engages Denji's rejection reaction again.

Once again, he perceives the means of manipulation with the word "fan", and rejects it. So far, these experiences have only been negative and intrusive, and even when they have been positive, whether with Asa romantically or Power platonically, the demon of control, another female figure, has put an end to them.

But instead of stopping the manipulation, Fumiko goes on to confirm Denji's words even as they express pure disgust and rejection. For a character who knows absolutely no limits, she may also override stopping this conservation, but she continues with her family history. If public demon hunters know anything about Denji apart from his natural distrust and need for affection, whether sentimental or physical, it's his sensitivity.

I can't say that the story Fumiko tells is a complete lie, just as I can't say that she's telling the truth. She's a hunter, and anything she mentions could well have ended up in a report, especially given the national authorities' interest in the gun demon. But even if her story is true, the tragic aspect, not for her but for Denji, is even stronger.

Fumiko says she lost her parents because of the gun demon, that CSM didn't hear her cries for help. I'd like to remind you that chapter 79, the chapter in which she refers to Aki's death, is dedicated to the trauma of what it means to be Chainsaw Man.

For the demon from the future, Aki died in the worst possible way, not for him, but for Denji. It's clear that the little boy is forcing himself to continue this snowball fight he no longer wants to play.

At first, he tries to reason with Aki, forcing him to wake up, but when he himself is shot trying to spare one of his only loved ones, people won't let him lose. Chainsaw Man is a weapon of vengeance into which everyone projects their frustrations, the deaths of their loved ones. Denji was forced to be resurrected, to kill Aki not for himself, but for the community. Chainsaw Man never acts for himself. If Aki died in the worst way for Denji, it's because his fans, this community, forced him back to life to remove one of his sources of love.

Denji was traumatized by having to win.

Let's be clear: it wasn't Denji who ignored their calls for help, it was they who ignored his.

Isn't it tragic to criticize Chainsaw Man for not hearing Fumiko's cries for help, or the cries of all those people, when he was instead so compelled by them, like a machine that would be reset to kill a loved one ? Chainsaw Man, on the other hand, hears all the pain in the world. This doesn't mean that Denji is altruistic - he isn't. He's closer to amorality than compassion, but like a permanently dehumanized machine, he must serve others. It has no morals, so how can it live for itself ?

That's why what Fumiko says is so paradoxical: saving Denji means finally allowing him to live for himself, granting him the right not to hear all those voices.

She doesn't mean what she says when she says she's never thought of him as a god, but simply as a child in need of protection. She's only setting up a dissident discourse to that of the church, which idealizes him by banking on the part of identity that is Denji, while the church banks on Chainsaw Man. How can someone who is constantly sexually abusing Denji be competent to protect a boy?

This chapter is about setting limits for children. To have access to the merry-go-round, you have to be over 1m10 tall. These clear limits were never set for Denji, either when he was forced to kill Aki or even when he explores his sexuality.

Having killed his father, been martyred by the mafia and then manipulated by a demon, Denji is now at the heart of other vicious circles. He's condemned to being too young an adult, watching over Nayuta like a parent while children play behind him, not enjoying the funfair with friends, a girlfriend, being cloistered on that bench. The bench represents the stagnation in Denji's life, his questioning, placed on the bench of his own life, his name unknown to his fans, his nature instrumentalized, his age ignored.

Denji needs and must be considered with the age he is, a 17-year-old teenager. Yet even this characteristic, even the fact that he's still a child, is ignored by Fumiko, hence her insistence on the word "senpai".

The treatment of Fumiko is good, I find her to be the very embodiment of Denji's sexual trauma in the sense that she constantly manipulates him to play on his interests, and constantly ignores his own desires, his limits.

Fumiko manipulates, hence the emphasis on her outraged expression when Barem interrupts. If Barem's manipulation is more grotesque, it's not to manipulate Denji but to mock Fumiko's strategy. Although it's incredibly more insidious, the weapon has a clear idea of what she's up to.

And yet, in just a few sentences, it's right on target. It's much closer to Denji's reality than to Fumiko's human perspective. Weapons are seen as weapons, machines at the service of humans, whose immortality is a pain, as it leads them to the trauma of always winning.

Barem uses a cigarette, obviously reminiscent of those smoked by Aki, who had given in to Himeko's advances and needed an outlet for his stress. Aki's misfortune is to have spent his life on revenge, living to avenge the dead, not living for himself. The cigarette was his flaw, the proof of his humanity, the one he threw at Denji to spare him the pain of getting involved in the horrible business of hunting demons.

Whether or not it was there to manipulate Denji by reminding him of his older brother, whether or not it was there by chance, it conveyed the same message: proof of the humanity of a man who lived for others. A man who was executed once again for that same community.

This community, Denji's fan club, is the cause of his deepest misfortune. Chainsaw Man has never been so popular, yet Denji has never been alone. Because he's not allowed to have loved ones. Nayuta, too, is proof of this: she wants her brother for herself, and convinces him that he's loved by others by acting under the cover of Chainsaw Man.

That's why Denji's intervention to stop the attack in progress is much less certain. All these fans, this humanity waiting for Chainsaw Man, are the source of his misfortune. Of course the fan club will call Chainsaw Man. What's less obvious...

Will Denji listen to their cries for help?

#csm spoilers #csm 142 #chainsaw man chapter 142 #chapter 142 #csm #csm part 2 #chainsaw man spoilers #chainsaw man #denji #fumiko #fumiko mifune #barem #nayuta #makima #aki #himeno #my thoughts #analysis

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piratecaptainscaptainpirates · 7 months

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Right, so, I've been seeing some persistent misconceptions in fanfiction where a character has ADHD. I'm a man of color with ADHD and I want to clear some things up. This is specifically about how people tend to write Ed Teach, but it can apply to other characters you're writing with ADHD. And I'd love if other people with ADHD, especially other people of color with ADHD, have any additions to tack on!

These things are NOT what ADHD is.

ADHD does not make you "stupid." This whole thing was inspired because I just read a fic where Ed cites his ADHD as evidence he's "dumber" than the other characters (and this was supported by the writing in the story). There is no correlation between ADHD and intelligence, and we know that Ed is a genius!

ADHD does not automatically mean that someone can't finish school or can't succeed in demanding academic fields. I'm working on my PhD. It just means your character needs coping skills.

ADHD does not mean that someone will "hyperfixate" on or suddenly lose interest in relationships, whether romantic or platonic.

ADHD doesn't mean your character struggles with personal hygeine or keeping their home clean. Please stop making me read fics that characterize a man of color as dirty or incapable of keeping his home clean and excusing it because "he has ADHD!"

ADHD doesn't mean that your character will need someone to look after or supervise everything they do. Ed does not need a White man to take care of him or make sure his work gets done.

ADHD doesn't mean a character will be unable to sit still, focus, stay on-task, or sit in silence 100% of the time. We all have different tolerance levels and those can change depending on current circumstances.

Here are some more realistic, interesting ways ADHD can impact successful, smart characters of color, like Ed.

He might feel the need to be hypercompetent, all the time.

He might get frustrated with himself. ADHD can be frustrating! You can be on top of things 99% of the time at work and school, and have people look up to you, and then you'll realize that you've been forgetting to book that doctor's appointment for six months straight now and you'll feel like a failure.

He might overcorrect symptoms. For example, he might have trouble keeping a neat, organized space and know that messes stress him out, so he overcorrects by being a bit of a neat freak and avoiding mess wherever possible so his space never becomes unmanageable.

He might struggle with The Evil Boredom. That's when you feel super understimulated and nothing is enough to help.

He might have trouble sitting still or saying quiet when he's nervous, feeling strong emotions, or in a boring environment or trying to do a boring task (the scene where Ed struggled with being still and quiet while fishing, while also feeling strong emotions of guilt, was super relatable).

I like to write AuDHD characters (with both autism and ADHD), and it can add a fun new dimension! I personally headcanon Ed as AuDHD. When you have both, symptoms can be frustrating because they can feel contradictory (for example, my autism demands I keep a neat, tidy space and I like routines, but my ADHD means I have trouble keeping things tidy to my standards and routines are super boring).

And finally but crucially: it's obviously okay to headcanon a character as ADHD or with any other neurodivergence when you're White. However, it's important to remember that the experience of neurodivergence looks different for people of color. Boys of color with ADHD, for example, are often overdiagnosed with ODD and labelled as "defiant" or "uncooperative." I often avoid telling White friends and coworkers that I'm AuDHD because it tends to make them infantalize me, as if I haven't already proven to them I'm a capable adult. People of color often have to go undiagnosed or without appropriate medications (if needed) and/or are misdiagnosed. If you're writing about a chracter of color with ADHD, I really recommend finding a sensitivity reader.

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd ed teach

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yarrayora · 21 days

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So I love your thoughts on post king Laois and prince-elector Falin, and I propose some more options for prince-electors:

First, I think Laois would really try to get as many people from different races as possible, especially because it seems his kingdom has more diversity than others (it ends with him talking with an orc child, after all, so we know that along with "humans" there are at least some "demi-humans" as well)

So, the first prince elector is of course Falin. I don't think she represents either the Tallmen or demi-humans, given that she's. Well. A chimera. So I think later, her role would be filled by a family member close to the current ruler. Or maybe a random citizen! Who knows.

The next prince-elector is for the Tallmen. I want to say Kabru, but people might be worried he's too influenced by the elves (even though we know he isn't). Perhaps that goes to an advisor that Kabru carefully selects. Or maybe Kabru himself because Laois doesn't care about optics, he wants his friend Kabru to help him.

After that, a prince-elector for the Halflings. I think Laois, who knows how important Chilchuck's union work is to him, would want to make sure there's someone who can advocate for them. Chilchuck might not want to do it himself (I could see him going either way) but I think at the very least Laois would ask Chilchuck who to choose.

Prince-elector for the gnomes would be Mr. Tansu. Not just because he's one of the few named gnomes, but I think it's good to have someone who isn't completely won over by Laois.

For dwarves, you may think it's Senshi, but no. He's not the kinda guy who cares for that. Not Namari either. But Daya would be good, I think. She apparently was a "guardian of a dungeon" and I think Laois would like to keep someone who knows and respects dungeons on his elector board. Plus, unlike Senshi, I think she is more in tune with what the dwarves would need from a king.

Marcille might be another no-brainer for the elf rep, but she's also no at first. We know she's terrified of losing her friends, and I think she would be really upset at being put in the position of having to choose a "replacement" for her friends. So they set up Mithrun in there first, if only because he would be the hardest for the other elves to influence. After all, he supports Laois and how can you bribe someone who can't even say what he wants most of the time? But eventually, perhaps after a generation or two, Marcille will have enough time to distance herself emotionally from the kingdom and become ready to step up to being the elf prince-elector.

The orcs are a bit more of a headcanon. So, I love the concept of political marriages and the way society shapes the idea of what is platonic/sexual/romantic. So I think Laois would get politically married to Leed. Not only because he loves monsters, but because the other races tolerate each other's sentience. They have their racism, but at least all "humans" are considered human. But demi-humans or monsters like orcs--while they are considered *kinda* human, they're also not. They're treated as more monster than human. So I think if Laois wants to successfully establish orcs as equal citizens of his kingdom, he needs to show that they are truly equal to humans, regardless of how many bones they have. And I know Leed is scared of Laois, but we see that she's willing to "make the sacrifice" to be his wife when her brother suggests it for the good of their people. Bonus, it fills the slot of queen so one less thing for Kabru and Yaad to worry about. So, political marriage. And yes, Leed takes a while to warm up to the Devourer, but I think she'll eventually see that Laois does love her people. I think she would eventually come to love him the way Izutsumi and Falin do. And even if they did have little half orcs, I could see Laois being like "I'm not gonna raise my kids like my dad did, training them to force them into a position they don't want". His kids can make a bid to be the next ruler if they want, but he won't force them.

All this to say, he would let his wife, Queen Leed, choose the orc prince-elector.

Izutsumi has a chair. She doesn't sit in it though, because she's like Marcille in that she would hate being forced to choose a "replacement" for a friend. She also doesn't sit in it because she's a cat. Izutsumi.

yep! basically the plan is to keep an equal amount of humans and demihumans as prince-electors (years later the term demihumans will be contested, as it's basically a vague term used to discriminate against various short-lived races as subhuman) (it is a realization falin came across to when during her travel around the world various establishments refuse to serve her, citing her feathery neck as proof that she's a demihuman)

the thing about Falin is she might be a chimera but she grew up a tallman with the perspective of a tallman. she ABSOLUTELY represents the tallmen as a prince-elector. so instead of another tallmen, they choose a kobold as the second member of the electoral college

you're right about chilchuck though. his first reaction would be "WHAT THE HELL'S WITH THAT FANCY TITLE? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE" before finally sitting down and listen to laios' explanation of his plan. chilchuck REALLY doesn't want peerage, but he also honestly. kinda doesn't trust anyone else to represent the halflings... so he takes on the responsibility.

as for mr. tansu i don't think he'll ever leave kahka brud. in the end theyll choose a gnome completely unrelated to laios' party. same with the dwarf! though that one is based on daya's recommendation. because daya herself doesn't seem to be to keen on politics.

same with mr. tansu, mithrun belongs to the western elves. he will not be part of the electoral college because he's not a citizen there lmao. milsiril will try to move there because of kabru, though uh, she doesn't fit their criteria of a Prince-Elector either. i can see them inviting marcille's mother in the end, since she has the experience working at a royal tallmen's court before.

i do think if it's to give the orc an honorable position, laios would give in and get politically married but like... the whole thing with inventing the electoral college thing is so he doesn't have to fulfill the societal expectations of being a husband and a father. so if he got married to Leed and then fail to perform (in like, the way autistic people has to perform in society, ya feel) as a loving husband in front of his court, they'll think Leed doesn't have his favor and shoves their own daughters his way. Kabru would be aware of this and not pressure Laios to get a queen. In fact he would talk Yaad out of pressuring Laios lmao

so, no, i don't think he'll ever get politically married to anyone ever. not when he has painstakingly created a system of succession that ensure he won't have to get married and have sex for the next heir to be produced. The Prince-Elector is already an honorable title to have, having Leed as one is enough to show that the orcs are not being treated as second-class citizens.

and yeah i think it would be Leed because while originally Zon was the one who received the offer, he refuses citing the fact that he has the responsibility to look after his tribe and that responsibility will clash with the responsibility of a Prince-Elector. he nominates his sister instead.

for izutsumi ngl my idea for her is that she becomes this folktale kind of charming rogue character because she makes money by escorting caravans through the monster-infested land surrounding laios' kingdom. there are children's books about her. she doesn't know she's popular.

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #dunmeshi spoilers #A Throne of Glutes and Gluten

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ranger-ribbons · 9 months

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More General Rangers Headcanons

Sixth Rangers are inherently more powerful than the regular Rangers. You'll notice that most can 1v1 difficult enemies that prove challenging to even the Reds of the team (ie.: Zhane (In Space Silver) 1v1'ing Ecliptor). This is because, on a power scale, the Sixth is supposed to balance the team out. A team that can work as individuals and an individual that can work on/with a team

Reds develop an attachment to their Sixth Rangers, be it romantic (Carter Grayson/Ryan Mitchell) or platonic (Leo and Mike Corbett), but it's close and quickly formed

Similarly, Sixth Rangers form quick and close attachments to their Reds, platonic or romantic

Pinks and Blues are either siblings or best friends and there is no in-between

Survivor's Guilt is a powerful force and 90% of the Rangers have it, especially the alien Rangers or those like the Lunar Wolf Wildforce Ranger

Rangers getting discouraged and believing themselves unworthy of the Power is also common, so there's a network of Rangers you can call to help with that kind of stuff

If you don't already have fantastic spatial awareness, you develop it pretty quick as a Ranger. It's damn near impossible not to because of all the attacks by Monsters, Bugs, etc

Red Rangers can give orders to their teams and the Power will give little pushes for the other Rangers to following it, but that doesn't mean the other Rangers can't refuse of their own volition

The Morphin' Grid affords its Rangers a form of immortality. They can be fatally injured, but otherwise, Rangers are effectively immortal

Some Rangers go on to become police officers, but most Rangers agree that working to assist and help people (ie.: lifeguards, doctors, breaking ground in the science fields) is best. Some of them establish dojos to train people to protect themselves (Tommy Oliver) and others work with volunteer efforts (Troy Burrows)

Veteran Rangers, Reds especially, tend to hang back during crossover events- this is to give the new Reds the confidence in themselves and their abilities, and allow them to grow into their leadership. The only exception was Forever Red, because Jason is a little bit of a control freak. He's the oldest Red, it's his right

When a Ranger is in a battle that forces them into demorph (i.e.: Gia, Jake, and Noah (Megaforce) against Creepox) the other teammates will be supremely worried and clingy, this is because of a trauma bond each team shares, but also because seeing someone you love get so hurt in a battle that they lose their ability to hold their morphs is fucking terrifying.

On that note, other Ranger teams will check in after those battles because seeing your successors get demorphed in the middle of battle is also something terrifying

Also on that note, some Rangers have specific nightmares in which they don't make it out of those demorph fights alive

The TMNT do on occasion pop out of the New York sewers to assist in a battle or two with the Ranger teams

Rangers who have martial arts skills (Ninja Storm, Jungle Fury, Samurai, Ninja Steel, etc) stick together, much like Rangers who are from or went to space

The techs of the teams have secret channels that they use to make "communication devices" (cell phones) so that Rangers don't have to rely on their morphers to communicate as well as being able to communicate with other Rangers and teams

Bulk and Skull have been linked so tightly with the Rangers that they've been kidnapped several times, only to be let go when it's been clear they aren't Rangers themselves

Junior Rangers have a chat, kids that helped Rangers (Heather, Jordon, etc.) have linked up and compared notes. They know of or know each other and most of them are tightly linked together

Possibility of more later, I didn't expect more than one post lol

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dealwithadeer · 4 months

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OOO hi love your radiohusk takes they're so very interesting

I am not quite sure what you mean by delusional!alastor so I'm sorry if I've misinterpreted: but what if a delusional!alastor who thinks Husk surely must love him back (platonically or romantically) despite his treatment of him

General:

Alastor is, in his own humble opinion, perfect. Or at least he knows better than most other people how to hide is potential flaws and weaknesses. So anyone who managess to gain his interest beyond the thought of what he might gain from them should consider themselves very lucky.

With Husk it started out when Husk was still an Overlord. The cat demon had caught his eye and much to Rosies amusement he had apparently not been as subtle about his interest in him during the meetings as he had thought he was.

Apparently by the cat demons body language (Alastor hated that you could see some of his true emotions through his deer ears if he did not pay special attentions to them but he found it actually quite endearing in the other) the nature of his interest was a bit .. misinterpreted. Althogh Alastor did not really blame Husker ("How many f*** times do I have to tell you not to call me that?") for his reactions, Alastor had a regular broadcast about what usually happened to Overlords he had paid attention to.

So he actually started approching the cat demon more often, frequented his casino and despite Husker not being te most cheerful fellow and almost honest to a fault, Alastor actually liked him. And he was sure that despite Husks strange insistance to leave him alone that the other felt the same way. Especially after Alastor had found out that if you manage to scratch Husker just right behind the ear that the cat demon (very involuntarily) would start to purr.

The Radio Demon wanted him and the Radio Demon was going to have him. Simple as that. Although he had expected to be Husks last hope when he was already on the streets and maybe even then Alastor would have to coax him into a deal.

But no, Husk has come to him after only a month of carefully orchestrated lost games.

When they set up the rules of their games Husk had thought of mentioning a lot of possible ways Alastor could cheat. He had however neglected to make 'don't use your shadows to spy on my cards' part of the arrangement.

What was a loss of rational thinking in the face of true despair was a clear sign to Alastor that Husker actually wanted to lose even if Husker himself was not entirely aware of it.

When every hellish possession that had once been Huskers found themselves in Alastors possession, Alastor had been tempted to make Huskers soul the next bargaining chip. That was what he was after, after all.

But to keep the cat demon a bit longer on the table, he was willing to take his powers instead, make him truely desperate when he would come crawling to him a second time for the soul deal.

Husk was the one who instead offered of him soul. And he really did offer up his entire soul to Alastor in exchange for his powers. He had not even asked for the less.. strict version of the deal but had offered himself on a golden plate just for Alastor without any sort of tricks or loopholes.

A few days later as Husk has begun to accept his loss (hey he had lost the game, and now he was going to be in this other demons employment for a very long time if he was (un)lucky. But that was just how things worked down here) but it was only when Alastor had decided that he needed a change of wardrobe that he learned just how f** he actually was.

"Oh don't be like that, Husker" Alastor had told him with a grin and a look in his eyes that 'Husker' did not like at all after the cat demon had made his displeasure about apparently only being allowed to wear pants a red bowtie and a hat with an equally red ribbon tied around it known.

"This is what you truelly want after all. You want to be mine. In fact, you were even begging to be mine with the way you offered up your soul."

#okay this is just the general pre-Hotel stuff #will add the difference between platonic and romantic delusional!Alastor later #radiohusk #husk x alastor

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nicksbestie · 3 months

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hii um ive never made a request before but i looove your johnnie fics >.< if itz okay could i request some fluff of johnnie x a male reader like maybe johnnie realizing he wants to be more than friends with reader?? thank yoouu !!! ^^ <3

awww! thank you so so so much!! and yes you can absolutely req this :)

i just wanna put out there that i do not have the male experience, so if any of this is wrong or inaccurate please let me know!! i would love to improve the writing <3

Feelings

warnings : none!

word count : 1382

pairing : johnnie guilbert/male reader (romantic)

enjoy!! <3

There were a lot of things in Johnnie’s life that he hadn't figured out yet. There was always a level of anxiety when you were in a career field such as his, as there was a possibility that something could happen and it could go downhill. He was also still young, only in his mid twenties, so he wasn’t expected to have his entire life figured out. However, there was one thing he thought he had figured out for certain, and that was who he had romantic feelings for. He liked girls, and only girls. He had figured that out years ago, or at least he thought he had. But that was before he met you, and it had been weighing on his mind for weeks.

You were his newly obtained best friend, the person that he had been spending a lot of time with lately. You had met fairly recently, but you had just clicked in a way that made both of you know it would blossom into a really strong friendship, and both of you were very excited about that. It wasn’t like you didn’t have any friends, but you were always open to making more, especially creating close bonds with them. You had been filming a lot with him, getting used to being around each other, and you loved the fact that there had been almost no awkwardness, even from the beginning. You were comfortable around each other, and that was the best part of the relationship.

But Johnnie was dealing with more behind the scenes, a lot of confusion, a lot of self reflection. He didn’t understand why you were consistently on his mind, why he couldn’t think about much else. He knew part of it were classic signs of having a crush, but that couldn’t be what was happening, because he was straight. He knew that, it was one of the very few things that he knew for a fact. He hadn’t thought about it in years, hadn’t even considered opening his mind to other possibilities, because he didn’t believe he needed to. But now, with you consuming his mind over ninety percent of the time, it seemed like he was going to have to think about it.

The thought of that was terrifying. To realize that something that was so concrete in your life may be crumbling, that could have the potential to completely reshape how you view yourself, is scary to anyone. Johnnie had pushed it to the back of his mind for weeks now, having known that there was absolutely something there, but he really didn’t want to spend the time thinking about it because he didn’t know what he would do about it should he realize what he was dreading. He couldn’t deny the fact that he was afraid of people’s perspective of him changing, possibly losing people in his life, and because of that, if he didn’t think about it, then it wouldn’t become a problem, right?

It wasn’t until multiple videos later, a couple more weeks of denial, before he finally spent time actually thinking about what he was feeling for you. He knew it was more than platonic feelings by this point, but he didn’t know what that meant for him exactly. He also didn’t know if he would be able to continue a friendship hiding it from you. He’d never felt anything for anyone of the same sex before, and he didn’t know what to do about it. Sure, he’d kissed Jake a couple times, but that was just for fun, there was no actual passion behind it, but for some reason, he couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss you. He hated the way that he really, desperately, wanted to know what that would be like.

He’d finally given into the fact that he was attracted to you when he woke up in the middle of the night from a dream, swearing that he could still feel your lips on his, or at least, what his subconscious decided that felt like. He was unable to shake that dream out of his head for the rest of the day, which made it especially awkward because you were hanging out that day and filming again. He very pointedly ignored the comments that drew attention to the way his eyes had lingered on your face for a bit too long to be friendly. Unfortunately, you didn’t ignore them, and he cursed himself out in his head when you were sitting next to him, and tilted your phone towards him to show a stream of comments about it, complete with a timestamp.

Of course, you had to click on the timestamp to see the clip. Of course you did.

You looked at him, absolutely noticing the way his eyes immediately darted away from your face.

“They kinda have a point, don’t they?”

He laughed, scrolling on his phone, breaking eye contact.

“I guess, people love to make things up.”

You decided to push it a little bit.

‘You have been staring at me a lot lately. I’ve noticed it while I’ve been editing videos. If you weren’t straight, I’d say you had a crush or something.”

You took note of the way he swallowed hard, half shrugging without looking at you again.

“Or something, yeah.”

You sat up, intrigued.

“Or something? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That I’m straight, or something like that.”

You could feel the fact that he was hiding something, and wanted to know what it was, despite having a feeling that you already knew.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? I know we haven’t known each other all our life, but I’m not gonna judge you for anything.”

He sighed, pretending to be distracted on his phone, but you were sitting close enough that you could see he was watching the same video over and over again.

“I’m not sure, maybe I’m not straight. I haven’t totally figured it out yet.”

“Oh? What prompted this?”

You thought he was ignoring you for an agonizingly long couple of seconds before he spoke again.

“Nothing, I was just thinking about it.”

“Yeah, I call bullshit. Something prompted this. Have you got a crush?”

His silence told you everything you needed to know.

“Oh my god, you do! Who is it? Spill.”

“I can’t tell you.”

You scoffed, knowing you’d already heard worse in your friendship than a small crush.

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

It was at this point that he turned back to look at you, another sigh escaping his lips.

“I just… can’t.”

His eyes made it look like he was begging you to understand, and he could see the realization hit you as yours widened a bit, mouth falling slightly open.

“Oh. You’re crushing on me?”

You couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped your mouth, immediately regretted it when he blushed a lot harder, and immediately went to get up off of the couch. You grabbed his wrist, stopping him from leaving the room.

“Wait, no, I wasn’t laughing at you, I was just surprised, that’s all. Sit back down, yeah?”

He rolled his eyes, but he could feel the fact that you weren’t going to let go of his arm, so he did, once again refusing to look at you.

“I just didn’t realize it would be me that made you rethink your sexuality.”

“Yeah, me either.”

You smiled, despite the fact that he couldn’t see it.

“Well, I can help you confirm it.”

He turned his head at this, possibly doubting what he just heard.

“What?”

You took this moment of vulnerability to press your lips to his. Fear rushed through you for the split second that he wasn’t kissing back, but the second you went to pull off, his hand came up, threading through the back of your hair and keeping you pressed against him, desperation pouring from his body. Eventually splitting apart to breathe, you had a small smile on your face, and staring at him, you realized it matched his. He ran his hands through his own hair, leaning back against the couch, smiling wider.

“Well, I’m definitely not straight. And that was just as good as I dreamed it would be.”

#johnnie guilbert #johnnie guilbert fanfic #johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert fic #johnnie guilbert fanfiction #johnnie and jake #fanfic #jake webber fluff #jake webber fanfic #jake webber fanfiction #jake webber #jake and johnnie #johnnie guilbert smut

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eyeofthebrainstorm · 6 months

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This is probably so stupid and I might delete it later but I can't stop thinking about it.

I can't convey how deeply Liam and Sam relationship effected me, especially in Cr1, especially in the finale.

I know I shouldn't project this kind of things on people I don't actually know, and this has more to do with my impression of it than what it really is... But:

Two adult men crying over each other fictional characters and the idea of losing them, Sam being devasted by the fact that he can't save Vax, apologizing desperately to Liam. And Liam just softly saying - I Love you - under his breath to let him know it's OK. Surreal. I've never seen anything like that before, ever.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to push any romantic agenda on this, actually I'm on the Aro-spectrum and I think that the platonic aspect of it is why it impacted me so hard.

The idea that you can have feelings of friendship that are that intense, especially coming from two men, I don't know... It just squeezes my heart.

Sometimes the idea that it might be fake (though I don't think it is) gives me a sense of fear, because I want to believe it's possible to have a friendship that deep and moving. And then I think that even if it's presented as more intense than it actually is, there's something good just in the fact that it's out there, that they showed it in any way.

I kinda had to get it out out of my system because I've been thinking about it a lot, as I try to catch up with Cr 3 and I see how much has changed from campaign 1... And also you know, personal life and stuff.

#critical role #cr campaign one #Cr1 #vox machina

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jeons-catalyst · 1 month

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What are your thoughts on possible jikook break ups along the years? I’ve seen a few jikook blogs discuss the possibility Jikook breaking up at certain times because of the way they seemed at certain points. Do you think Jikook ever broke up? If yes why?

Hey anon,

Jimin and Jungkook are human beings just like you and I and what that means is that if you and I can go through turbulent times or periods in our relationships then they can too.

I think it is possible that Jimin and Jungkook could have gone through tough periods in their relationship (whatever it is) which could have let to them taking breaks from each other or even breaking up. I cannot pinpoint any point in time but i do know that there’s been certain moments when things seemed a little off between them but all that could be true and still not have anything to do with them together but rather them as individuals.

So often, i have seen people (jikook supporters and haters alike) single out certain moments and use them as proof that Jikook are not together because you know, why didn’t Jk look at Jimin here or why did Jimin hug Suga instead of Jk or why didn’t Jk go to this concert with Jimin instead of Tae? People pick and choose these single moments forgetting that there is literally alot we don’t know about how these boys and the course of their lives. For starters, we don’t know the true nature of their relationships with each other. Many of us suspect that Jimin and Jungkook could be more than platonic friends but we forget to realize that all that could be true and still wouldn’t mean Jimin and Jungkook are actively dating each other or in a committed relationship. There’s just too much we don’t know to come to certain conclusions.

Also, Jimin and Jungkook’s circumstances are unique. They are not in a “normal” romantic relationship like most of us are, so one of the biggest mistakes we make is comparing them to what we are used to in our everyday conventional lives and relationships. In our lives, most of us don’t feel the pressure of being members of the biggest boy band in the world, while being citizens of and living in a homophobic country and dating a same sex band mate. Who here can say they know exactly how that feels? Literally no one because none of us have walked that path before. So yes, considering all these things i thing Jimin and Jungkook have had their fair share of hurdles as a pair.

It is possible that sometimes, somethings felt off to us because things were actually off with Jimin and Jungkook. It is possible that sometimes the weight of everything got to them and they had to battle with balancing how they felt for each other and how to manage their professional and private lives seeing as they had alot to lose or worry about if they were ever outed. It is possible that at certain moments they disagreed on how to show love to each other. Maybe at some points, they felt like what they were getting from each other wasn’t enough. Maybe Jimin got frustrated at the fact that he couldn’t get Jk to tell him that he loved him and really show him how he felt for him. Maybe it was hard for Jk to show those feelings for Jimin as much as Jimin wanted because Jk himself hadn’t come to terms with how and what he felt for Jimin. You may wonder why i brought this up.

In this clip, we have Jimin complaining about Jungkook’s emotional availability. Here, he sees the way Jungkook treats Lee Minwoo and feels bad because according to Jimin, Jungkook has no feelings for him. You can clearly see that he is worried about it and one notable difference is how Jin responds to it. Jimin’s complaints about Jungkook having no feelings for him is not something Jin can relate to and it makes sense why he couldn’t relate to it. Normally, you wouldn’t really see friends, especially guys worried about the other’s emotional availability, but Jimin clearly had a problem with the fact that he just didn’t feel that something he wanted to feel from Jungkook yet and that begs the question WHY?

Jungkook has grown so much and has learnt how to be emotionally available for Jimin in was that Jimin deserves but he wasn’t always like that and i guess even when he started doing it, it wasn’t always easy for him as it was easy for Jimin. So this could have been one of the things that strained whatever relationship they had/have. Jimin is the person who doesn’t have a problem telling you he loves you a million times a day but Jungkook just wasn’t and up till now, still isn’t really that kind of person. He might feel things but he is so bad at expressing his feelings and things like this could be tough for people like Jimin whose love language is clearly Words of Afirmations.

Jimin and Jungkook have come a long way and i can imagine that they have gone through so much both from external and internal factors. So i can definitely see there being moments where they both would have felt like throwing in the towel. Maybe there have been moments when they actually broke up with each other, or decided to stop doing whatever they were doing. Maybe there’s been moments when they’ve felt resentment towards each other. Maybe there’s been moments when their anger at each other clouded their love for each other. All of these are definitely possible and as a matter of fact, should be expected in romantic relationships under such circumstances.

I had once said that one of the biggest reasons i thought Jikook were more than friends is because of how realistic they are. I once saw someone say they like jikook but they prefer taekook because all of taekook’s interactions give you butterflies but jikook is sometimes hard to watch and i nodded and said, that’s how you can tell reality from fiction. A real relationship isn’t always supposed to give you butterflies. A real relationship under these circumstances should sometimes frustrate you to watch and even make you shed tears. There should be moments of softness, butterflies, and smiles but there should also be moments of angst, frustration and sadness that someone watching their lives unfold should feel. Tae and Jk or Jk and any other member don’t share feeling that are really complicated so there would rarely be a reason for certain things to occur between them. Jimin and Jungkook on the other hand share extremely complicated feelings and have to learn how to deal with them amidst other things. How do you expect to always get butterflies when you watch them? How do you expect to get butterflies when you are watching them at a moment when they are fighting or going through a breakup? They may be professional and act civil with each other while at work but the energy will still be picked up on. How do you expect to feel butterflies if they are mad at each other or frustrated because of their circumstances? How do you expect to feel butterflies if you are watching them in those moments when one or both of them are being childish, unreasonable or selfish? All these things are common and happen in all our relationships. The only difference is, we don’t have cameras shoved in our faces 24/7 even when we are dealing with things we don’t want to show the world. You cannot see your body language or facial expression when you are fighting with or are mad at your partner and that is why you don’t get that there isn’t a very big difference between these boys and yourself.

So yes anon, i do think Jimin and Jungkook might have been on breaks from each other or broken up at certain points. Why, i don’t know and can’t say for sure but i think some of the reasons could include what i mentioned above. The opposite might also be possible and the weird energy we felt between them sometimes were maybe about them individually, not together. They may be a in a romantic relationship but that doesn’t mean their lives completely revolve around each other. If they had health problems, family problems or career problems, all those could have aswell affected their relationship so maybe we just caught them at certain points when they were dealing with things involving them as individuals or a pair.

#jikook #jimin #jungkook

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phasmophobia-territory · 1 year

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The Ultimate YANDERE TYPES List (part 3) | SHACKLING + "DENPA" DELUSIONAL YANDERE

(this is PART 3 of a 4 Part Post. Click HERE to start at part 1)

Full sources and links to further reading will be below in the notes!

Remember to read the trigger warnings and content warnings. This is Yandere fiction we’re talking about, so it’s going to get messed up.

Themes + Trigger Warnings + Content Warnings:

Possessiveness, Obsessiveness, Unhealthy relationships, Religious themes, themes of sociopathy, themes of mental illness, hallucinations, delusions, hallucinations and delusions due to drugs, mentions of: physical abuse, sexual abuse, brainwashing, murder, suicide, murder-suicide, self-harm, stalking, panic attacks, cannibalism, necrophilia.

S H A C K L I N G

Primarily characterized by the need to “shackle”/keep their Darling to themselves.

SUBTYPES WITH THEIR VARIANTS

♡Easily jealous: Very common trait of nearly all Yanderes. These yanderes are usually not okay with their love interests being involved other people, romantically or platonically. Their opinions on whether another’s interaction with their Darling is acceptable or not depends on the yandere.

♡Self-imposing

Dependency: Takes care of their Darling in everything with the ultimate goal of making their Darling dependent on them.

Contact: Being with the Darling is the goal of this Yandere. Their ideal type of contact is ending up in their Darling’s care (sometimes even becoming financially dependent on their Darling). If any factors on unease is found in their shared life with the Darling they’ll often show their jealous nature.

♡Overprotective

Doll: Having the Darling under their surveillance is the major requirement for this Yandere, and they do not wish for their Darling to do as they please. They are doting, and as long as the Darling is within their monitoring range, the Yandere will spoil them.

Glassware: These Yandere are afraid of losing their Darling more than anything, so they safeguard them extremely carefully. Extremely fearful and is timid in their approach to the love interest.

♡Easily lonely: This Yandere is afraid of being alone above all else, so shackling their Darling to them becomes their aim.

♡Matching: Psychological identification is the ultimate aim of this Yandere, so they would force their Darling to match with them. More common when the Yandere and the Darling are of the same sex.

"D E N P A" D E L U S I O N A L

These Yandere usually suffer from some type of untreated mental or emotional unwellness. And as typical to those classified as delusional, they usually believe things that are undoubtedly untrue, especially when it comes to their Darling.

SUBTYPES WITH THEIR VARIANTS

♡Hysteric (Emotionally Unstable)

This Yandere is emotionally unstable and has panic attacks about the smallest things.

♡Desire for Ruin

Forced Murder-Suicide: These Yandere have given up on everything and will drag their Darling along with them in death.

Hope in the Next Life: These Yandere believe death is simply a stage which leads them onto the next life. At most, they’re regretful that they have to kill their Darling but in their mind their Darling “just has to endure it and it’ll all be over.”

♡Abnormal Behaviour

Seld-contained: These Yandere deal with their excessive love for their Darling alone, and perform abnormal or disturbing actions in places away from view. Usually the Darling is disgusted by them once they discover what they’re doing.

Abnormal Fetish: These Yandere perform abnormal or disturbing actions disregarding whether or not it may endanger a life. These actions are not self-contained and end up involving others.

♡Sociopath

Unlike those who have congenital psychosis, it is possible for this Yandere to develop affection for someone. These Yandere become fixated on their Darling and would carry out inhumane actions on other people without a thought. The type of Yandere who can shred someone into pieces without batting an eye will most likely be categorised here.

♡Blurring Fantasy from Reality

These Yandere blur the lines between fantasy and reality and will twist their interpretation of things to suit their needs. When they’re rejected, for example, they will just stare back blankly not understanding what is being conveyed.

♡Actor

These Yandere will pretend to be someone who has mental abnormalities and can switch their acting on and off at will. However, they are a swindler at heart so they can’t be considered mentally normal. Mysterious characters who are often outwardly cheerful easily fall into this category.

♡Religious (Worshipping)

Faults Viewed Favourably (Intoxicated): These Yandere worship their Darling as a god and agree with everything they do or say. It is mostly more accurate to say they have devotion to their Darling rather than romantic feelings.

Imposing Ideals: These Yandere see the love interest as their god, but they get furious if they have traits that differ from their image of the ideal god.

♡Religious (Sharing Values)

The target of worship for this Yandere is not the Darling. They are the type to invite and drag her into worshipping their wonderful “god” and would become furious when the Darling rejects their god.

♡Mental Disorder (Lack of Emotions)

These Yandere have difficulties with their emotions. They have no aversion to brutal acts of crime and may develop into the Abnormal Fetish variant which calls life and death into question as a method of expressing their love. They may cannibalize the love interest, practice necrophilia, or perform other inhumane acts.

♡Mental Disorder (Acquired)

Traumatized: These Yandere are not mentally stable due to abuse as a child or a side-effect of medication.

Delusions and Hallucinations: Yandere of this variant do abnormal things as a result of having injured their head or side-effects to drugs. There are also some who may have taken drugs that induced hallucinations before becoming this type of Yandere.

Lack of Knowledge: Yandere of this variant don’t know how to express their love as a result of abuse during childhood. Having no ill-intentions is a trait of this Yandere. The gap in this Yandere’s knowledge is not something that can be filled by just teaching them as it is a deeply rooted problem.

Sources:

This does not belong to me. I only gave a summary of what I read. ORIGINAL SOURCE LINKED HERE.

This information is from an English translation of material from an upcoming game called Yandere Town. UNTRANSLATED, ORIGINAL JAPANESE SOURCE LINKED HERE.

(Original translators, I have no problem with taking this down if you don't want me reposting your translation to my blog! ^_^)

♡If you want to see more content like this check out the Writing and Yandere Masterlist and if you want to learn about this blog check out all things sketchprincess02!♡

♡Please consider REBLOGGING and COMMENTING if this helps you!♡

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iminyourbookshelf · 4 months

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QSMP community positivity because the streamer awards made me so happy

(under the cut because it's going to be A LOT)

QSMP Digital Artist - Ate and left NO crumbs ever omg. The amount of detail, varying styles, and epic scenes are my favorite. The variety of art styles for QSMP artist is like just going to a buffet to browse and they're all special little dishes made with so much love.

QSMP Tradtional Artist - HOW CAN YOU DRAW/PAINT SOME OF THIS STUFF?? Watercolor paintings of QSMP bulids, notebook spreads with cute little details, the fact that you can draw traditionally at all. All so talented.

QSMP Beginner Artist - NEVER GET DISCOURAGED <33. Everyone was a beginner at some point and seeing people improve over time with their art is so cool. I consider myself still a beginner even though I've been drawing for a couple years now lol. There is still so much for me to learn, and the fact how kind the qsmp art community is makes me so happy. Keep improving, your art looks great <3

QSMP Fanfiction Authors - I don't know whether to compliment you or ask for my therapy payment (/lh). So many authors have ripped my heart out and left it out to dry and others are like a bucket of fluff and joy. I love both of these. The writing quality is genuinely amazing on so many of these. I love to visualize when reading and with all the details it's basically just watching a movie.

QSMP Web Weavers - You guys are AMAZING. Finding so many quotes, transcripts, fanarts, aesthetic photos, and being able to combine them in a way that represents characters so well is beautiful. Not to mention the fact how your able to put credits for everything in an easy to find way??? Perfect.

QSMP Moodboards/Stimboard makers - These are so cute aaaa. I love seeing them, all the little collections of photos or gifs of characters I like is very fun.

QSMP Poll Accounts - I LIVE for taking polls. It's just fun to have a place to put an opinion you had for yourself that you didn't know how to put unprompted on your own post. Seeing results after a while also makes me happy to see what as a general consensus the fandom is on.

QSMBLR and QSMPTWT users - Transferring information from one hellsite to the other, I admire anyone who can survive in the discourse trenches and come back with account updates.

QSMP Clip accounts - I love seeing silly clips of cubitos, and especially those with transcripts and translations. It's a lot of effort and I admire that. Gives me so much info I would've missed otherwise.

QSMP translators - As someone still currently learning the other languages, it is so helpful when people translate it. Sometimes your brain just hurts and you can only read your native language. Also anyone who translates things from English to other languages, yes please make it for other speakers.

QSMP Multi-Shippers - It's so fun to see these, yes give your cubito 7 different romantic/platonic partners. You guys collect ships like Pokémon and it is inspiring

QSMP Cosplayers - I respect cosplayers so much. The wigs, the makeup, the costume, the PROPS?? All take so much work it's amazing to see final products. I reccently tried making a scythe for one I want to do, and I was struggling. Y'all are so cool.

QSMP Character Analysis Posts - Keeping fanfiction accuracy and my personal view on characters as close to canon as possible. These help so much when I need to look for a character I haven't watched much and easy to read.

QSMP Livebloggers - Save me from losing track of lore when I'm busy. I swear some of you just never sleep (please do but thank you for information). The amount of stuff I can figure out from vague post of combined livebloggers makes it much easier to know what's happening. Most of my mutual liveblog a lot and it saves me so much time <3

QSMP Rebloggers - KEEPING THIS FANDOM ALIVE‼️‼️ Tumblrs algorithm is based on reblogs, accounts that are just lurkers rb stuff ily. Hell yeah man, take all the cool stuff and share it.

QSMP Animatics - Movie night exists because of you guys!! Sometimes you all make me want to sob violently or laugh till I can't breathe. The differences in each video is so fun to see. The effort in each one is just beautiful too, animatics are NOT easy.

QSMP Editors - The fact that people can take a cube game and turn into epic/sad/cute edits with a few clips, transitions, and audios astounds me. You guys are so cool and I love seeing them. Also the fanart edits are so sick, finding the best ones to match.

QSMP Fan Video Creators - Stuff like the Federation Welcoming Workers Video, that one cucrucho cereal video, things like that. Quality is usually amazing and all the unique takes or camera work is epic. Idk what else fits in this genre but I just wanted to mention it.

QSMP RP Accounts - Seeing other people's takes on characters are so interesting and fun to see. RP is a skill I need to work on and it's done pretty well with these accounts. The amount of detail y'all can put is insane.

QSMP OC creators - Cringe culture is dead, I love seeing people make their little characters interact with eachother based on the QSMP. Keep it up and pls share it.

QSMP 3D Animators/Modelers - I never expirence more joy than when I see a 3D model of a qsmp rat spinning around. Also any 3D animators your dedication is insane. I tried learning 3D animation once and that was a STRUGGLE.

QSMP Vod savers/YT summaries -Actual lifesavers, there is no way I could've been apart of this community without them. Watching a few videos a day about what happened on the server makes it easier for me to actually do other things. Also that one person who made a QSMP2023 summary in UNDER 10 minutes, you are insane and did such a great job.

QSMP Accounts in Different Languages - QSMPBLR is heavily more English speaking than other languages, and when people main tag with post in different languages it makes me so happy. This was the point of the server, to let people post in whatever language they wanted. It's also fun for me to practice and try to translate it for myself.

I tried to get everything but please add if you have anything <3

#qsmp #qsmp positivity #qsmp fandom #qsmpblr #qsmp fandom pos #tw caps

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youthnighttarot · 1 year

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Umm…..so like tf going on? (What’s happening to you right now) PAC

Pile 1

Cards Pulled: FoC, KoS, SoSwrv

Reading: What I’m getting from what’s happening right now is some form of loss, grief or trauma that you’re focusing on. You may be carrying this emotional burden with and this could be causing some form of instability within your life. You need to build a routine and not just any routine a routine based around you and what brings you true happiness. You may need to have a conversation with someone who is responsible for this or even with yourself. Find the strength within yourself stand your ground fully and wholeheartedly. Some people are unwilling to change and you can’t use that as an excuse why you let them treat you the way that they do. You may have recently gone through a relationship separation whether it may be romantic, platonic, or familial. Don’t allow them to take you for granted. You are not going to heal overnight it is going to take some time and you have to be comfortable with that. Sometimes you may slip back but don’t allow that to become a pattern an later another bad habit. You may be detaching yourself from personal matters thinking of things that make you or made you feel guilty. You also have to be willing to change even if that means cutting people off. Create some self-discipline within your schedule and your time. You need some self-care ASAP. Relax and allow yourself to breathe your so tight and anxious and this only causes more stress and pain to your mental state. For those who have been wronged the bases revenge especially for those who have been monetarily abused…the best revenge is your paper 💰💅🏾. You really need to clear your mind and space pile one it’s almost suffocating this is not good at all. So I got the sugar baby card and the message I was most drawn to is “you need to get more independent…help yourself”. I need really getting this has to do with you it’s more so someone else….however if you feel this resonates with you then this is your message. This person more than likely constantly take from you and would rather use you than love you or give to you. This person needs to help their damn selves it’s not your responsibility to take care of a grown ass selves. Stop allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by this person or your current situation. It’s not helping and if you continue down this road it will continue to delay the am healing you desperately need. You definitely need to reconnect with your inner child because your beginning to lose yourself it’s as if your inner child barely knows who you are anymore. Talk to your inner child they need you to tell them everything is going to be ok. That you’ll get through and one day this nightmare will be a distant memory. This person or possibly you deserves and Oscar for the performance that they put on…it’s actually ridiculous. The literal fucking gaslighting that they do is utterly insane. Who would have the audacity and nerve to use someone trauma against them and even if that specific scenario doesn’t resonate…this person definitely gaslights you and it’s honestly weird….because you seem to be a genuine person and they see that as a way to use you or they take as an opportunity to

Advice from spirit: You need to heed these spiritual warnings because it will lead you to utter chaos if you don’t. You have the angel number 44 {“Angel Number 44 brings a message that you are being surrounded by helpful, loving angels who wish to bring you peace of mind and joy of heart. Angel Number 44 indicates that you are being given support and encouragement along your path, and when faced with an obstacle, rest assured that your angels are most willing to assist. Be assured that solutions to any issues or problems will soon be revealed. Angel Number 44 is a message that the angels and Archangels are with you, encouraging and guiding you. They are offering you inner-strength and support to enable you to get the work done that you need to in order to attain and achieve your goals and aspirations. They know and understand that you have been toiling diligently towards your goals, and encourage you to continue on your current path to achieve the success and results you desire. Work with the angels to ensure success in all of your endeavours.”} You need to absolutely do more work within the 3D realm because you have a lot of support from the 5D your team is supporting they got you. For some of you could be an air sign or you may have it in your chart. Or you may need to stop detaching and ground yourself some of you have been quite aloof lately almost lethargic. And all in all you need to relax pile 1 allow yourself to truly heal you need it.

Pile 2

Cards Pulled: 4oPrv, 2oWrv, KnoWrv

Reading: Pile 2 you are walking away from the old your shedding that old residue in a corner and leaving it. You may have spent so much of your time in the past giving to other people. Putting other people before yourself. They “y’all eat before I fix my plate mentality“ you were too open, and too generous to people who didn’t deserve it. Deep down you know this but may have chosen to ignore it. (Tbh this may be pile 1 after you heal for some of you) Your leaving behind this reckless behaviors. You were scared of changing that if you made the decision there was no turning back. But now you refuse the mu and not allowing yourself to be held back because of your past. Again I’m getting there were a lot reckless things you’ve in your past you or this person may have been careless, violent, loud and overwhelming obnoxious. You or this person had shown zero self discipline don’t allow people to put a chip on your shoulder and or don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder. You need a blank slate pile 2 or you’re starting a new beginning in your life where you start over. Again I’m getting in your past you may have had a lot of problems because of risky decisions you’ve made. Now is also not the time to make risky choices take some time to think it through. Is it really worth the risk that your taking if yes go for but if you feel deep down it isn’t don’t go for it. You don’t want to rush into things without any insight going in. Your life path number could be 11, 22, 33, or 44. Or those my be numbers that could pop up often around you. But you’re learning new things about yourself…taking new journeys that will lead to your life path journey. You can never give up or fail at what’s destined for you. So CONFIRMATION you already knew what was up with this person deep down but you ignored your feeling/intuition but now you definitely know why you felt the way you felt at the beginning. For some of you, you were dealing with a dust bucket and you had to get the hell out of dodge cuz they were on some next shit. And for the rest this person had red flags all up and through them but you that you could “fix” them. They may have interfered with your summer last year and caused a lot of real problems for you. This summer is gonna be different ain’t nothing gonna break your stride. (Go listen to that song 🎧)

Advice from Spirit: You took your healing path one day at a time…and it paid off. But you still have to make an ongoing effort to continue along this line because it will not always be easy. With tenth house energies coming out there could be a big career move happening or something having to do with recognition and financial stability. Also look into your natal 10th house as well as transit for April that may also give you some insight. You have angel numbers 134 and 33 popping out {“Be Keen On Your Physical And Mental Well-being.Angel number 134 comes with a message from your guardian angel that you are working effortlessly to realize your desires and goals. However, it also reminds you that you should not abandon your well-being to achieve your goals. Try as much as possible to get a balance between your health and your hardworking lifestyle. You can do so by altering your hardworking lifestyle to fit in some time to catch your breathe and relax.” “Master Number (Master Teacher) and resonates with the energies of compassion, blessings, inspiration, honesty, discipline, bravery and courage. Number 33 tells us that ‘all things are possible’. 33 is also the number that symbolizes ‘guidance’. The Master Number 33 is connected to the Ascended Masters, and the repeating Angel Number 33 is a message that many Ascended Masters surround you and are offering their assistance. All you need to do is ask, as the Ascended Masters are waiting to answer your prayers.

Read more at: https://trustedpsychicmediums.com/angel-numbers/angel-number-134-meaning-and-symbolism/

Pile 3

Cards Pulled: 2oCrv, AoS, Justicerv

Readings: You may have ended a partnership or relationship that was causing a lot of disharmony within your life. There wasn’t a lot of balance between you and this person or group of people. You may have constantly been in arguments with one another. This person was really unfair to you pile 3 and I’m sorry for that. You may have even lost a couple of friendships behind this person. You are finally seeing this person through a clear mind or you and this person could have had a breakthrough with each other and been able to communicate but that only feel like that’s for a few of you. For a lot of you thought you’re finally seeing the truth about this person or group of people’s true self…how unfair they treated you how they never took accountability for being wrong but somehow could always point out when you were in the wrong. The hypocrisy of it all 🙄. You’re creating new plans and ideas without them and they probably can’t stand it. You able to see the truth for the first time and since then you never went back. There’s a pattern of mental clarity in all these piles so feel free to look at another one if you resonated with. You are finally receiving justice for everything you went through…..the scales are finally balance. You are now a force to be reckoned with nobody is gonna challenge your worth again. Take some time off and relax binge watch that series you’re always talking about or finish that book you’ve been looking at for months. Illusion from your past may be brought back up and this will be a testament to your will and strength. Though you went through this now is not the time to retreat in a shell entirely go out meet new people. Have a fling or two but most importantly heal yourself from within so that it may shine on the outside. Remember who you are and others will act accordingly. Yea so you know you don’t even have to worry and if you don’t now you know. This person is about to have all their shit aired out but whom I don’t know when I also don’t know but I hear soon. You need to let go of trying to fix everything and everyone….you can’t fix what’s already broken. Let the past go the longer you keep trying to fix it the more you will regress. You may be asking yourself why this person or group of people would even act this way. “WHAT WAS THE REASON” in my cardi voice. And all they can do is look at you stupidly like really. That being said they‘re not up worrying and thinking about you so why are you giving them your time and energy knowing they aren’t worth it.

Advice from Spirit: Divine teachings is what you will be receiving or you have already received and will continue to receive. Trust that these lessons do have purpose no matter how much they may hurt you or cuz you pain. Angel numbers 22 and 88 popped out {“If you find yourself in the midst of chaos or disorder, the angel number 22 is a sign from your angels that they are with you, and that harmony will soon be restored.This angel number 22 is also a reminder to stay positive and to have faith that all is working out for your highest good.Trust that your angels are guiding and supporting you, and know that everything will eventually come into alignment.” “The 88 angel number is a powerful message from the angels. It signifies new beginnings, abundance, and karmic connections. The 88 angel number is also a lucky number, and seeing it is a sign of good things to come. As such, it also represents financial abundance, success, and good fortune. Moreover, it’s a reminder that you are always connected to the spiritual realm and that your thoughts and actions have an impact on your life path. Perhaps most importantly, it’s a message from the angels, telling you that they are with you and helping you through whatever challenges you may be facing.”

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lovemyromance · 3 months

Text

Math, according to the anti’s

Elain avoids Lucien every time he is in Velaris + Elain loses her newfound boldness around him =

"Elain is scared of just how well Lucien knows her. She is scared how much he sees her. She is avoiding him because she feels too much for him."

Like, come on babes. How can he see her if he’s not even there? How can he “know her too well” if he’s NOT THERE. If she avoids him, how is that because she’s secretly pining for him? Especially when multiple characters comment how she is uncomfortable in his presence?

Azriel receives an order from Rhys to "Stay away from Elain" + Azriel is forced to tell Elain "this was mistake" hurting both of them =

"Azriel avoids Elain after solstice because he doesn't like her and knows what he did was wrong 😑 the BC ended Elriel!!"

Really guys? That's what you took away from this very clear chain of cause and effect? That Azriel, out of his own will, suddenly decided he's done with Elain?

Azriel, desperately in love with his woman, is agonizing over why the Cauldron didn’t pick him as her mate + Azriel, willing to beg on his knees for a taste of her =

"azriel is an incel fuckboi! He only feels lust for Elain! He feels entitled to her! "

Sorry didn't realize having attraction for your love interest in a ROMANTASY was bad now.

Azriel goes after the already mated Elain Archeron + after 500 years, it seems Azriel has moved on from Mor =

"Azriel only wants a mate! Thus, he waits 500 years and suddenly goes after an already mated female!"

He never said he wanted a mate. Where did this come from? He wants Elain and Elain only. Also, if he wanted a mate, why would he even be going after Elain in the first place? Wouldn't he go for any available female? He's not stupid, he knows she's not his mate. So why still pursue her if he only wanted his mate?

Majda says a mate should be able to figure out what is wrong with Elain + Azriel figures out her powers, freeing her from her murky realm with his understanding =

"Well, Azriel just figured out her powers. Her powers aren't what was wrong with her. Azriel just figured out her powers because he was excited the night court got a new weapon. And Rhys figured out Nesta's powers too, so it doesn't matter."

Come on. Literally she said, more importantly, SJM wrote, "if anyone can figure it out, it's a mate." And then AZRIEL figured it out. Is that not obvious?? Her mate was right there so he easily could've buzzed in at anytime with the correct answer. But no. It was Azriel.

Azriel, canonically, wanting to get on his knees for a chance to taste Elain + Azriel buying her a custom necklace + Azriel giving her truthteller + Azriel sitting with her in the gardens =

"nah, azriel doesn't like her. He's just like an older brother trying to be nice to a sibling that won't leave him alone and he pities her."

Idk how your sibling relationships are like, but maybe you live in Alabama or something. Bc that is clear attraction. Those are not mere acquaintances. Those are literally two people with big fat crushes on each other

Nesta tells Azriel "You're the new ribbon, Az" + Azriel remains unphased when Nesta and Gwyn and Emerie get taken for the blood rite =

MATES. Gwynriel are MATES. There is no other conclusion or possibility. She looked at him once and he raised a brow when she squealed. They are endgame meant to be.

Y'all just look silly now. Have you never been around a man? Is that it? Is that why you think perfectly platonic reactions are somehow signs of true love?

2+2 = 4. It is the right answer. It is the proven answer. You shouldn't have to jump through hoops and twist canon every which way and taint every interaction Elriel has with your scathing commentary just to make your ship work. Stay mad that your ship has 0 romantic moments 🙄

#elriel #azriel #elain archeron #pro elain #acotar #elain x azriel #elain

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yanderes-galore · 5 months

Note

yay, I can request funger!! Can you write a yandere concept for D’arce? :D

I'll try, sure! I've done Cahara, time to do another Funger 1 character!

Yandere! D'arce Cataliss Concept

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Fear of loss, Death, Murder, Violence, Grief, Jealousy, Blood, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Unhealthy behavior, Forced companionship/relationship.

D'arce has been described to be a loyal knight.

Her one true love has been Le'garde, in fact he's the reason she ventured into the dungeons.

She has been depicted as meek and hesitant at times, but her soul type makes her a natural leader capable of bravery.

There's times she looks down on people too, seeing those lesser than her as "commoners" due to her noble background.

D'arce probably met you in the dungeons.

At first she's hesitant to group with someone else.

That is until you end up saving her in the dungeons.

To repay you, she vows to help you on your journey through the dungeons, so long as you help her find Le'garde.

D'arce's more yandere behavior doesn't develop until after you find Le'garde.

You end up arriving too late, seeing the man dead before you.

You don't feel much towards this death, only really doing it for D'arce.

D'arce, however, is devastated.

You catch her trying to hold back tears, the darkness of these dungeons finally setting in.

Without thinking too much you pull D'arce into a tight embrace.

The ever loyal knight pauses for a moment, going rigid in your hold.

Yet with a hiccup, she returns the gesture.

You try not to spend too much time comforting her due to the amount of guards and other creatures shambling about.

You do reassure D'arce you're here for her.

You'll both survive this dungeons, no matter what you come across.

You standing beside the knight is what stirs something within her.

Her team and captain may be dead...

But she feels she can have a new start with you.

D'arce, as a yandere, is protective and devoted.

She is willing to slay anything for you.

She feels she becomes second to you.

D'arce seems like she'd use you, her newest obsession, as a replacement for Le'garde.

She refuses to lose you to these dungeons like she did Le'garde.

You can see her desperation in the way she fights enemies.

Her hits are harder and she cares little for the blood on her armor and face.

When it comes to you she ends up acting like she's your knight.

She's civil and polite with you, even after she decapitated a creature from these depths.

You end up scolding her at times for getting herself hurt on your journey.

She apologizes yet continues what she was doing before.

D'arce attempts to remain civil when you recruit others into your party.

In all honesty she hates them but goes along with what you say because she cares about you... to an obsessive degree.

D'arce does prepare to use violence against any fellow party members if they fall out of line though.

I personally feel the biggest and main part of her obsession is her motives.

She was so attached to Le'garde that seeing him dead broke her.

Which made her latch onto the second closest person, you.

Her obsession is a coping mechanism.

She has a feeling her obsession is bad, especially when she manipulates you...

But she feels she's nothing without you.

If she loses you, what else does she have?

To be fair, despite her jealousy, D'arce is not too much of a possessive yandere.

She has her moments and maybe with low sanity she'll get worse... but she's primarily a devote worship yandere with protective behavior.

She'd give you anything, just ask.

She'll kill for you, care for you, even be hurt for you.

She wants to be a tool you can use.

She's disposable to you, just like she was with Le'garde.

It's all unhealthy... but it's how she was once treated.

She's a mostly well behaved yandere.

An obedient knight willing to sacrifice it all for her obsession.

But when she snaps... when she realizes anything can take you away from her in this place...

She may turn violent against your own party... all to keep you safe and to herself.

#yandere fear and hunger #yandere funger #yandere d'arce #yandere d'arce cataliss

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huenation · 11 months

Text

ditto / cbg

word count: 3,550

genre: angst, supernatural

warnings: some profanity, talks about loneliness and grief, bullying (microscopic mention), and you can view this romantically or platonically ~ just know, there’s definitely love

synopsis: the day arrives where beomgyu, your angel, is leaving you, you realize you have nothing left to lose ★ request

soundtrack: ditto by newjeans

There’s more than enough reason to call Beomgyu a miracle to your life.

For one, he has illuminated and brought forth love and joy and friendship to you miraculously because it is not colorful and not brimming with life. Another, and perhaps the most obvious, is that he isn’t exactly human, unregistered by any other person. Only you have been given the gift of seeing him and talking to him, but that’s where the line is drawn. Even with such a limit, he has never failed you in this lifetime.

He was with you through the many moves from many childhood homes that never saw a birthday, every graduation, played with you and was always by your side when no one wanted to even sit with you at lunch or in class, made sure you’d walk anywhere and arrive safely, and never made you feel alone through all the highs and lows — and you had a lot of lows.

He is an eternal best friend.

At least you think so.

Beomgyu knows the end. And he knows it’s near for no longer being a part in your life. The worst part is that you don’t. How does he drop such a bombshell? There’s a list of reasons as to why he feels he can’t say. You’ve been doing so good lately, too, finally having gotten a paid internship at your dream job, earned a raise at your other part time one, and you figured out how to balance everything else perfectly, and yes, that includes a part for Beomgyu. There is a time devoted to long walks where you can talk to him, even if that’s what you do all day. You simply can’t get enough.

Maybe that’s why in your heart, even after all this time, you still fear the possibility of him leaving. In your eyes, nothing feels forever, even if it’s all you’ve ever known because you’ve known him for so long. There’s no other way to put your fear of losing the one good thing you’ve been given in your little life.

Sure, it’s nothing close to perfect. All throughout your school years, you had no one else but him. He’s been everything to you for so long, it’s true, but you were so alienated form everyone else that you didn’t really have a choice. The heavy weight of the stares and the constant discourse about yourself became something you could brush off. Especially when all you cared about was Beomgyu. So much joy and laughter he brought you, making you light up, when, to the people around you, you looked nothing more than someone entertaining themselves with make-belief.

No one else can see him but you. With that, it means you can’t touch or feel him. Seeing him was enough. A gentle, pretty person, long eyelashes, shaggy chestnut hair, white t-shirt and dark pants though every time you try and think of him in any other clothes your image of him gets fuzzy, but that’s who he is — your invisible friend who makes you laugh, a shoulder to cry on, someone to rely on. No one else was there for you, but Beomgyu. Your parents or people who would pick on you would try and confront you about your imaginary friend. Despite being unable to touch, you still felt the ghost of his hand on yours as you held your ground, refusing to give in to their accusations that you were delusional.

All this time, it’s just been you and him.

How could you question this weird fate that has perhaps saved your life in a million ways? Every now and again, you wake up from nightmares of life without Beomgyu, a tragic reality of loneliness and this pressurized but heavy fear of unknown filled in your chest because that’s how life used to be

College is here and there’s no pressure to make friends like back then, but you have toned yourself down. You do make two friends though, and one of them even works at your internship! Things are doing good.

But, like always, nothing stays that way.

So, the day where he must break the news eventually comes. It’s not a special one. Just a regular day of waking up, taking a walk and chatting, getting ready, Beomgyu reminding you to eat breakfast, which you do!, off to work, getting off work, making dinner, getting ready to watch a show on your couch, and the further the day has gone by, the less your typically loud angel talked. It felt a bit confining.

“Beomgyu? What is it?” You chose your words carefully, setting down your takeout with shaking hands. It’s like your body recognizes your fear before you even register it. The dim lighting beside him makes his features softer yet does nothing to lighten the very dark look in his eyes. “I… I need to tell you something.” He says, confirming your suspicions even if you don’t know why. That feeling in the pit of your stomach tightens and you just know it won’t be good. It’s dread, fear, denial, anguish, pain, panic, everything you’ve been avoiding, and he hasn’t even said anything.

“It’s nothing, forget I said anything.” “Beomgyu — ” “I swear! I’ll tell you later!” “There won’t be a later though… will there?”

The cicadas and mourning doves cry into the night, your wall clock somehow a lot louder than anything. The universe is giving you all the signs, yet he won’t. His lips tremble, a breath so shaky it could have fooled you for human leaving his body in small beats that has wrought his shoulders, and your heart is past the crust and mantle of your stomach.

He shakes his head very slowly, warily as if any wrong move could destruct entire infrastructures and civilizations. This moment right now sure feels like it.

And while it’s as though you’re pulling on the knife of the truth to pierce you further and further, a metaphorical hand over his as he painstakingly reveals why. There’s this look of nothingness across your face as he unravels each fine layer he’s kept to himself for all these years. His mission’s complete. You aren’t the first and you most likely won’t be the last. Each word drives a blade deeper in but you don’t see yourself walking away from this. In fact, all you see is Beomgyu talking but the more he talks, he sounds so far away.

After a few minutes, of which you just sat through blankly, you’re the first to draw up and move to your kitchen table, setting down the remote control on the way, to which you’d had in a vice grip.

“Why did you wait so long to tell me?” There’s an edge of accusation on your tongue to which he winces. “I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I knew you’d be upset with me and it’s just — you’ve been doing so good. It wouldn’t be fair.”

Your eyes are wide, pupils frozen but eyelids stretched and mouth caught at an angle that only gives away half the rage you’re feeling.

“You don’t think this is fair?” The doves no longer cry but the cicadas still sing in the background of this sudden tear of your reality. “It was never going to be fair! You’re leaving me and you have the goddamn nerve to have kept this information to yourself, knowing that I’m the one who’s going to suffer. Knowing that everyone always leaves me, knowing you’re the closest anyone’s ever got, and that you’re all I’ve ever had, and how much it’s hurt for anyone else to walk away from me when that’s what you’re doing. That’s what’s not fair to me, I can hardly look at you right now…” your words die, thin bated breaths of hyperventilating funnel from your frown, arms coming round to self soothe yourself. Beomgyu is by your side in an instant, but when you turn your face from him, he pauses. An outreached hand slowly falling back down to his side.

Rather than the voice of reason and wisdom, instead comes this unfamiliar one stemming from a far more unfamiliar place, your friend goes so far as to argue,

“Me telling you earlier wasn’t gonna change anything. Sorry I tried to keep you happy a little longer than you wanted.” It was a lame argument to pose in your case, in turn making you scowl.

“Oh, fuck you.” You hiss out, eyes getting shinier and shinier, vision blurring more and more.

Beomgyu has been wrestling with this information for a decade now. Living with guilt just as long. Contrary to all the missions he’s had in his lifetime, he’s never felt so active in his role, if that’s the word he resonates more with. There’s something different here, unable to hold his tongue and his mind and his heart that grows fleshier and fleshier the more time he’s spend on Earth, and especially with you. This unfamiliar drive that’s starting to mimic you and other humans.

“Look,” he starts with a sigh, closing his eyes, long eyelashes batting and almost making you forget the intensity of the situation. You were going to lose him forever. Your body wailed at you.

The forefront briefly whispered, pretty eyelashes, pretty eyelashes, painting a distant memory wherein you couldn’t sleep one night, lying flat in the midst of your covers and Beomgyu had laid beside you, watching you. That night, deep into twilight, you whispered your incoherent conversations and as the night grew later, you confessed,

‘I wish you were human sometimes’.

Half of that had been sparked by how you wanted to curl his eyelashes, paint each other’s nails, hold hands while walking through the rain, take a picture of him, put headphones on him because he deserved a good listen of music, something you and he really loved. The other half was out of selfishness. You wanted him to be as real as an anchor to a ship. Sometimes it didn’t feel like enough just to look at him and talk to him. That guilt still sunk its claws into you every now and then.

Now, it seems like a ghost of a memory this time ago. The two of you stay still, standing far away from each other like two strangers, and you’re already halfway grieving in your mind.

“What I’m trying to say is that I know I should have told you sooner. It’s against the rules for us to tell our humans so soon in advance. I just didn’t want our time to end so soon. Leaving has always inevitable, and I think you knew that, too.” Your arms are crossed, you’re turned away from him, still glaring at the ground and the tears pooling only inundate more and more.

“I did know, Beomgyu. You’re the longest anyone’s ever stayed, and you probably will be the last. I’m just… hurt because you know they always leave. And I’m…” you inhale sharply, hands fisting the hems of your sleeves. He doesn’t miss the shiny stray tear that darkens your sweater in fine dots, wishing he could catch them for you and hold you. All he’s ever wanted.

You’re afraid. It’s been your biggest fear all along, and here it is, all unfolding.

He tries another step towards you and you turn away even more, the line of your mouth dipping further. The seam of your lips tremble in effort to bind the sob building at the back of your throat.

“I didn’t want our final moments to be spent fighting… and you can’t even look at me now…” he breathes out, exhaling and turning away to face the window now. You see this much through the blurry film of tears. There’s little to no information on how beings like him are, but you know, more than anything, that Beomgyu is different. He’s special. He feels so real and lives like blood and flesh does, even if all he is is an apparition with a voice and a mind that is like home to you. It isn’t fair. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

You hiccup a little cry at that, earning his gaze, and you wish you could run into his arms. A warm hug, that’s what he is to you, and even now, as time is against you both, it seems to mock you that you can’t embrace him.

“No, don’t be. I’m being childish,” wiping your tears with abandon, using rough hands, you close the gap between you, and if Beomgyu had a real beating heart, he feels as though it’d settle just by your proximity and seeing a smile, albeit the circumstances, blossom on your face. To him, you’re a sight for sore eyes. There’s something inside of him that’s blooming thorns at the fact that he won’t be able to experience you any more. He’s never experienced such a thing before… as emotions? Autonomy? Feelings? Heavier but denser. Smooth but textured so finely as if this thing has lived a thousand lifetimes. “As much as I wanna pretend this isn’t happening, I need to know how much time left we really do have.”

He swallows down a lump at that, not dropping his eye contact with you.

“When the clock strikes midnight and the new day begins, my mission will be complete and I’ll be obsolete.” He drones like it’s a Sunday hymn, but in it, a sad edge to his words, and you nod understanding just how grave and just how late he waited to tell you. Oh, he’s bad. This is bad. You say just as much.

The day is almost over. No time to even wait ’til the morning to relive another blissful day that would only because of Beomgyu. While you no longer mistakably relied on him for joy, you still knew you’d grieve until the end of time once he vanished. No time to navigate the end of the two of you as you know it.

“What’s gonna happen to you?” It’s a question that has Beomgyu blinking in shock. He didn’t expect that. “Do you just move onto the next person?” He doesn’t say anything, small smile that’s wry in the midst of it all as he watches you fondly. You seem to break a little more at his silence.

“I don’t know. I don’t see anything else or another person beyond this moment. All I see is you,” he confesses. You’re rubbing your palms against your sweats, shuddering breaths escaping you when he says this, briefly pausing at the process of his words. “If this is it for me, that’s okay, too. I’m not afraid to disappear. I’m not afraid for you either because I’ve done my best to make sure you’ll be okay. There’s probably a better reason for me to have to leave now, even if it’s something we could never want in eternity, but I know for fact that you will be alright. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

A little hiccup of a cry comes out in response to that and he lifts a hand to cup your face but only he doesn’t. He doesn’t touch you but it doesn’t mean you can’t feel it; you feel it in your heart. If he could feel you, his touch would be warm, clammy but in a good way and icy cold when he needs to be. You close your eyes, squeezing a beautiful ink of an alternate reality where you could really be together, where you and he were more than this, and a part of you almost feels like you can really feel him.

“I mean it,” he emphasizes and you nod along.

“I know.”

“Then, you must know this, too — ”

Beyond touch, a soft flowery yet lavender-y scent, something along the lines of morning dew, meets your senses, a warmth works its way across your cheek, and there’s a distant palpitating of a heartbeat on the finger tips that have been conjured up.

You draw a shuddering breath.

It can’t be…

It’s the bated breath that falls against your nose that makes you look up and though he hasn’t moved, it’s like he’s grown closer to you, dark bangs falling over his eyebrows, the shimmer of his eyes far realer and glimmering than you’d seen all this time, the tickle of breaths from his little laugh. His other hand comes up and you welcome his completed touch, especially the gesture of his fingers curling so gently round your fringe, wading slowly from your scalp down to your jaw.

“I love you.”

He grins as he says it, surrounding you with his radiance. It’s overwhelming, the whole ordeal, but to feel him and to hear such a confession, both of which you’ve been dying for, as if he isn’t the one to be leaving you.

“I’m not dreaming, am I?” You reply, tone confused, and when he reaches down to kiss your forehead, your eyelids give, twin streams running down your cheeks, one of them right into his fingers.

“Beomgyu,” you gulp, fingers hesitantly reaching to grasp into the fabric of his shirt around his waist. Every inch of him is warm. His eyes are so deeply gazing into you. He nods. “I love you.”

Relief hangs precariously in the air as you exchange these small laughs but it all soon grows quiet. No words are exchanged for some time, just for a moment, and there’s a look he gives you that settles your curiosity, This never happens, but for you, it did. Doesn’t make you feel particularly any better about the circumstances, but at least you get this. The pad of his thumb rubs softly against your skin, pinky curling on the column of your neck. He feels your pulse and commits the memory of your beating heart down like tendrils reaching into the deepest parts of his ancient soul. Pools grow in Beomgyu’s eyes with every fleeting second. You wish you could throw an anchor over the boat of this moment, anything to hold it down for even just a little longer than you were given.

In between sniffles, you say it over and over again, “I love you,” bringing your forehead against his, even if he must bend towards you. The two of you smiling wistfully through it all. He mirrors you. You step on his feet to get a little closer, clumsily, might you add, but it works, Beomgyu’s hand falling down to hold the small of your back. Your hand fists into his clothes. There’s only seconds left, your heart flutters in your chest, confirming it for you.

He reaches down to press a kiss to your cheek, a little gasp behind it, your hands clutch onto his back, arms around his waist.

“I’ll see you again.” You declare, as if fate can bow to your words, and in return, he smiles, breaths mingling.

“Ditto.” Beomgyu murmurs and he embraces you so tightly that it aches, deep in your bones.

You squeeze your eyes closed at the sensation, in a blink, opening them only to see nothing before you now, soreness dissipating your body like his final footprint on your soul. It hits you all at once.

Angels don’t last forever. At least not in your life.

Crickets continue their symphonies from outside your home while you stand in complete silence. It’s over. You know what you want to do. Scream. Start a fire. Scream some more. Cry. Scream again until you lose your voice among every other thing that seems too much for you, who has lost what feels like everything.

But, you know that even in his absence, even if the whole time this sweet dream was nothing more than your imagination, you will be okay in the end. It seems laughable to think of the so-called ‘grand scheme of things’, but you know that life is just segments of pain. You were loved, and you still standing here is proof of that; not just because of him, but you’ve brought yourself this far and even if you have nobody, you have yourself.

You will treat yourself with the kindness and love that Beomgyu taught you, and that you now promise yourself.

After your grieving period, which lasts an entire weekend, you return to work and your internship, back to the hum drum of your daily life, where you are welcomed by your newly made friends, who convey how much they missed you through every nuance of their own love languages, and it means a lot, though it is still so minute in the face of grief. Soobin, Taehyun, Kai, and Yeonjun. They tell you that they wish to introduce you to their friends and family. The gaping hole in your chest reduces by a fraction with their care, even if it’s your first day back.

The edges of your wound are cauterized and stitches fixed when they tell you about an incoming transfer to your workplace. Someone by the name of Beomgyu. It is simply funny coincidence, you decide, accepting your grief and the scar from it.

That is until you see who walks in the very next day and recognize him all too well. You were definitely right.

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

　　　. 　　˚　　　　*　　　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　　　　　　 ੈ✧̣̇˳·˖✶ ✦　　

ending note: i wanted this to pan out wayyyyy differently (this is soooo bad but i felt like it was going bad like milk the more i spent working on it) ugh like a dramatic argument that just kept going and once the ‘mission’ is done, for mc to become painfully regretful and to emphasize a moment of stillness (feeling like the world is ending) and for bg to reappear and to settle the tide of grief :) but nope this is the ending my hands went with :/ blame them not me ! aaaa saya my. love sorry i waited so long to finish this, really feel like your idea was perfect without my writing lol, had a hard time building off from it bc ur so big brained and this idea is perfect. i love you very much and i hope while you never change that you dont feel so alone :( i know its hard but you’re strong and im always here for you <3

#req ^3^#txt imagines #txt angst #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu angst #txt scenarios

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kaisacobra · 5 months

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I just read Second Best and I've never been punched in the heart by a fic like that.

Like, I'm losing my mind over what you've written and had to read all of the asks since it came out.

I definitely think Tara doesn't deserve R after everything she's said and done, you can't keep hurting someone and expect that love will be enough to patch all wounds. You said that Tara had some reasoning (maybe not justified but still) as to why she treats R that way and also I understand that everyone grieves differently.

I'd like to understand Tara on this, because it seems despite everything that happened she did love Amber and it might be hard for her to reconcile both Amber as her girlfriend and Amber as one of her attempted killers and THEN having to shoot her and ofc being threatened by people who seem close to you has got to fuck you up irreparably, like she definitely needs help and maybe having THAT conversation in the middle of a volatile environment such as a party full of alcohol and high emotions was an awful idea and R was right in trying to stop Sam and Tara, still, Tara's lashing out seems to me like just that, her lashing out because she may have started feeling crowded on and Sam reminded of how fucked up she might actually be and THEN bringing Reader into the argument finally (and unfortunately) gave Tara an outlet for all of her conflicting emotions. She has the perfect target, she knows Reader's weaknesses, she knows how to frame her words and most importantly she knows that R won't actually fight back. She just wanted to inflict damage somehow and she got it, she just didn't have the wherewithal to hold back on her words, and now she's left with the consequences of the damage she caused.

I'm not trying to make excuses for Tara, what she said was definitely fucked up and she may seem undeserving of happiness to some, but I wanted to understand the reasoning behind it, because in the end she is just a girl who needs help but refuses to see it and lashes out when confronted. And if she were to get a happy ending, I think the best way to go about it would be to work on herself first and start fixing what she broke.

Anyways. As for Reader I am so excited as to the realm of possibilities of moving on mean, especially now that they are in NY. Bringing in Quinn for Reader just so the Gang still has a connection to R despite the shit show that went down AND to drive the knife further (literally) on how fucked Tara was and watching R falling for Quinn's charms (platonically or romantically) just for Quinn to end up harming them to get TO TARA, maybe Quinn senses how R means more to Tara than she likes to admit. R being attacked and feeling more vulnerable than ever is ofc going to make her close up even MORE when Tara tries to make amends because, hasn't Reader been through enough, R is going to be guarded and hesitant around Tara, not so much cold because despite everything you can't make a love like that go away that easily, so R may be civil and even friendly with Tara but definitely won't be getting close enough to give Tara the power to hurt R again.

As for the Kate Route, I can definitely see it happening, R is out in NY and ofc is looking at safety measures to implement, they somehow meet through Bishop Security and that's that, R has now a Golden Retriver friend (who has a Golden Retriever!) that somehow became R's loyal bestfriend. R definitely takes a quick liking to Kate too, since Kate tends to be funny and protective (kinda reminds R of Tara too) and she is so outspoken and confident that R can't help but keep her as a friend, a breath of fresh air after walking on eggshells with Tara because of R's feelings. And of course, Kate seems like someone who falls fast and hard, and isn't afraid to show it, so even if R can't feel the same at the moment Kate understands and respects that, even offering some comfort after finding out everything that went down with Tara and R. Kate being excited to meet the 'core four' and everyone can't help but fall for Kate's charming personality, they see her being hopeful and daydreaming as the perfect contrast to Reader's 'down-to-earthness' and are relieved that R has someone in the group who can finally choose Reader FIRST, since Sam is Tara's sister and the twins are hesitant to take sides (even though Mindy thinks R is almost always right). Kate being fast friends with Chad over sports and becoming gym buddies (love the hc of Chad spilling the tea to Kate over some reps), Mindy likes that Kate is loyal and keeps R happy and although Sam is distrustful and paranoid at first she eventually warms up to Kate after finding out that Kate lost her father and has a shitty mother (Sam can relate) and the favors from Bishop Security to the Carpenter's definitely help too.

If following the events of the movie I can definitely see Kate trying to sus out the killer and ALMOST getting it right, her going into protective mode so fast and losing her mind when R keeps risking it all for the sake of Tara, she gets it since she fell for R but can't help but worry if there's something else to it and maybe she didn't notice how devastated R really was after Tara.

Tara WANTS to hate Kate, and she definitely gets close to it when seeing how affectionate Kate is (Kate definitely is into platonic PDA and can't help herself, specially since R doesn't seem to mind) (it's nice to feel wanted for once) and how receptive everyone is to Kate's go-lucky attitude and neverending gifts. Like Sam, she definitely isn't trusting Kate from the get-go and all the gifts Kate brings the gang aren't helping, but even from the beginning nobody takes Tara seriously because they can clearly see that it all stems from jealousy of not having Reader's attention to herself for the first time. And even though they try to ease Kate into their dynamic as to not upset Tara further it doesn't work because Tara doesn't even realize why she doesn't like Kate fully! They both seem like they could be great friends! Why is it though when she sees Kate and R she gets so mad?

Kate definitely knows what's going on and can't help but be cocky about it to which the gang just gets more exasperated with the added antics of Kate (who is in love with R but respects R's feelings, but loves to make Tara jealous) Tara (who is jealous, doesn't know why and thinks R and Kate are together) and Reader (who is oblivious to all of this and is nursing a broken heart while still in the same friend group as Tara), while also dodging a murderer, yay!

Honestly however it ends up, Reader with or without Tara, adding someone to stir the pot like Kate or Quinn? For a moment? Maybe?

We can all agree that Reader definitely needs a moment to heal and survive what's coming.

Also

"...because you promised her you wouldn't leave her alone and she just doesn't wanna believe that death is the one thing that's gonna break you apart".

That line hits so hard how DARE you

...aand i know I'm late since you are already writing the 2nd part but I still wanted to share my thoughts.

Awesome writing and I'm so invested! Can't wait!

You see, this is precisely why part 2 is getting so long🤭 I want you guys to understand Tara and why she's doing the things that way and i want it to make sense ever since the beginning. I don't believe people are born mean and i wanna transfer that into the story. Tara wasn't born mean and i want y'all to see why she's like that.

Now, am i saying this is gonna wipe every damage Tara has made to R and make her a victim? Absolutely not. But at the end of the day, she's just a girl with issues that needs to get help before trying to make up and be in good terms with R again.

Kate would definitely integrate herself so well within the core four and that would make Tara go ballistic. Not only does she has to deal with Ms. Perfect stealing her place as R's number one person but now she's winning over her friends as well? Tara would be pissed and always on the verge of throwing a fit whenever Kate's around.

And Kate is a little shit, let's be fr here. This girl is a rich heir with no siblings, she never had to share a thing all her life and you expect her to just be cool about this random gnome trying fight her over R? Nuh uh. She's doing things to piss Tara off on purpose (and sometimes she even asks you for permission before doing it, just to make sure she's not creating an awkward vibe)

Don't worry, you're not late for anything! I loved your thoughts and i had so much fun reading them. I hope you'll like what i have planned for part 2 🥰

#✦: 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑠𝑘𝑠

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