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railingsofsorrow · 5 months

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dance with me

[spencer reid x reader]

summary: who would have thought that a glass of water could make you sway in your feet in more ways than one.

pairing: s.reid x f!reader

w.c: 1.9K

warnings/content: exes that are still in love with each other trope; heartbreak!!; I'm a willifer stan, if you can tell; jack and henry being besties; pinky promises; dancing with an ex lover; I promise you heartache ™; mentions of alcohol and being drunk; ex partners walking down memory lane (longing); angst <3; poorly edited because I'm sleepy.

a/n: this is part of a short series that started with this one shot and someone asked me to do a part 2 but I ended up writing another stand-alone that may or may not connect with the first one.

navi

masterpost

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jj was one of the most beautiful brides you had ever seen. her dress fit her perfectly, it seemed to have been made especially for her, even though it belonged to her mother.

will looked at her as if she was the sky holding all of the stars. no one else was around as they danced, just the two of them, you could see it in their eyes.

you were kind of drunk on their love, from afar. and, of course, you might be a little inebriated because of the few champagne glasses you've had since the party started. in your defense, it was all penelope's fault, she offered you the first glass. your will to loosen up did the rest.

you almost fell down on your butt from the way henry pulled at your dress. you didn't blame him, he's been excited all night and he had to let it all out as much as he wanted. he yanked you closer to the spot he and jack were playing on the grass of the rossi household.

“uncle spencer told us the secret of his magic trick.” jack explained as you stared at the cards laid out in front of them. “but we can't remember it.”

a chuckled escaped your lips.

“and that's exactly why he told you.”

henry pouted, his blonde strands falling from behind his ear. giving him a soft smile, you brushed them back, booping his nose as he giggled in response.

“i know why you brought me here and I'm sorry to say that I have no idea how uncle spencer does his magic tricks.” you lament as they both protest in defeat. “he never told me. but I swear if he ever does, you'll be the first to know, okay?”

“promise?” jack hotchner raised his pinky and henry made sure to imitate him eagerly.

you nodded, intertwining your own pinky with theirs. “i promise.” you whispered, kissing both of their small cheeks before standing up. penelope and derek had approached your little group and you took advantage of that to walk inside the house and fetch a cup of water. your vision was starting to get a little blurry and that was the indication you had to know that your alcohol consumption was officially over for the night.

someone else seemed to share your train of thought.

“appreciating art?”

spencer was concentrated analysing one of the art pieces in the mansion's hallway. he didn't act startled at your presence, which meant he already felt you approaching beforehand. you stared down at your heels, wondering if they were too loud.

“it's an interesting painting,” you looked up as he said it. his eyes settled on you. “do you know this one?”

“a street scene.” you responded, shifting on your feet. your feet were starting to hurt. you can't remember for how long you have been on those heels. “can't remember the artist though.”

“paul fischer,” spencer promptly said. “it was painted in 1902. he was also known as copenhagen's painter because of how much he represented his homeland on his paintings.”

you let out a slow hum, walking past him to reach the kitchen. “over a century ago.”

“109 years ago.” he chuckled as you chugged down an entire glass of water and filled it up again. “thirsty?”

you lifted a finger, a silent request to wait. spencer leaned on the kitchen counter, observing you with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

“i think I may have...” you exhaled, “drank too much.”

spencer mumbled something that you weren't able to hear, but you didn't need to. you approached him slowly, also leaning on the countertop, the marble cold against your palms. narrowing your eyes at him, you said. “don't even say it.”

he had the decency to act bewildered though his lips betrayed him with a quirk on the edges. “say what?”

“you were teasing me just now.”

“i was not.” spencer raised a brow, sending a giddy smile your way. “i was simply stating that you can get carried away at parties.”

“i had two glasses.” you pouted, “maybe four.” you admitted, a half-assed lie. you had no idea how many you have had during the night. just that they were working really fast in your system.

the two of you stayed there. speaking in low voices, rather discreetly, as the party happened outside. the house was quiet but you could make out some loud voices from the open window.

your ears picked up a soft melody, and the voices quietened down. you figured it was the moment for some slow dancing.

“dance with me.”

you'd think you were the one who said that, given your state of mind a few minutes ago. spencer looked handsome in a suit, it was almost out of character for him, you never saw him without one of his sweater vests. you don't deny he's an attractive man. everything about him is attractive, not only the physical aspects but they did him justice alright.

those were the things you noticed when you were dating. and those are still the things you notice as you are exes. you wonder if there is anything you don't notice about spencer.

you froze at his outstretched hand.

oh, he said that.

is he inviting me to dance?

“me?” his grin made you blush. and to think you had been sober just now.

“yes.” he wriggled his fingers. “dance with me?” the tone of his voice carried a tinge of uncertainty.

your body responded before your mouth could. as your hand intertwined with his, the feeling of returning somewhere you had longed for so long squeezed your chest.

with your chin resting against his shoulder and the warmth of his touch enveloping your waist, the music didn't reach the kitchen anymore. you couldn't hear anything else but your heartbeat.

“you don't even like dancing.” you joked, letting him lead your swaying as you tried not to step on his feet.

his answer was closing the gap between the two of you, your bodies flush against each other. you didn't hesitate before laying your cheek on his shoulder. your fingers intertwined behind his neck, grazing against his uncovered skin.

it felt so familiar and normal that none of you flinched away. as if it was how it was supposed to be.

“i like it when I'm with you.” he said, breath tickling the side of your neck.

“the boys...” you drawled out, a smile stretching on your lips absentmindedly. “they asked me how you did your magic tricks. one of them, actually. the one with the cards.” his chuckled made his body shake a little.

“did they? but I told them.”

“you know kids don't learn it the first time. that's why you told them.”

“i can't just reveal my magic tricks like that, can I?” you pulled back a little to make sure he saw you glare at him. his grin didn't let you scowl much longer though.

shaking your head at him in faux disappointment was the worst thing you could have possibly done at that moment. spencer knew that quirk of lips as he knew his own brain and he recognized that tilt of head because of all the times you did that, it only meant one thing: you were about to tease him.

that was his weakness. your lazy smile along with your fluttering eyelashes. basically, your whole charming persona. you. you were his weakness. spencer has admitted that since he knew he was in love with you.

it used to overwhelm him to be this close to somebody, the warmth of two bodies colliding felt too much of a torture for him. until you came along and showed him what safety felt like.

he felt safe when your fingertips grazed the nape of his neck. when you laid your head on his shoulder and when you softly mumbled the song playing outside right by his ear.

you're right here and he's missing you.

isn't that crazy?

“that used to be my favourite song.” you said, caressing the spot behind his earlobe. his eyes were shut as his feet followed the slow rhythm of the melody.

he hummed, “it was all that you listened to for an entire month.” your laugh brought joy to him as he looked down at you. happiness looked good on you.

“yes.” you shrugged, touching his jaw gently. “but you enjoyed it.”

“i did.” he confessed. “it's calm. soothing.” like your voice. I never get tired of it.

he brushed a strand behind your ear. “is it not your favourite song anymore?”

and just like that, the light in your eyes dimmed. it might have been imperceptible if he wasn't that close. too close.

do people ever feel so comfortable around ex partners as he is with you right now? dancing to a song you used to sing it for him?

“it hurts to listen to it.” your voice cracked at the end of the sentence and you rested your head on his shoulder as if you were attempting to avoid his gaze. it physically painted him when you did that. “reminds me of you.”

he thought about apologising. he thought about asking why does it remind you of me and why would it hurt. but spencer was aware of the answer to both questions. he knew why you couldn't listen to it without memories swarming into your brain like a storm. he knew how hard it was and how much it absolutely crushed you that your favourite song reminded you of an ex lover. of him.

he chose to stay silent.

at the same time he wanted to spare you any emotional pain, he wanted to hear if you were hurting as much as he was. how unfair was that? loving you and having you in his arms but not being able to be with you like he wanted to?

was it hard for you too? did it make you want to take back the words you said just like he wanted to take back everything he had said? did it destroy you wholeheartedly?

spencer doesn't know for how long you stayed there at rossi's kitchen, swaying to a song that no longer played. at some point, you retracted your hand from his neck, lowering slightly to take off your high heels, immediately releasing a breath of relief.

and your touch lingered like a ghost. his soul was void. vulnerable and lonely. once again.

emily walked in the kitchen and you two acted as a couple that had been caught doing something wrong. you had been talking — dancing for just a previous moment — there wasn't anything wrong with that, was it?

spencer felt out of it all of a sudden. at one moment, he knows how to act around you, he feels as if he can touch you and hold you like he never missed his chance. and then, a second later, you're walking away and he's not stopping you from leaving.

“it's still my favourite song.”

and it was his, too.

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a/n: the dancing part was definitely not inspired by mitski's song my love mine all mine.

source: the painting mentioned

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taglist: @lilyviolets

#reader insert #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you

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charliebread34 · 25 days

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"All work no play"

By charliebread34

Summary: come In for an interview and come out victorious 🗣🔥

Tags: (derek x reader) first chapter, set before movie, fluf, might be boring lol. Use of y/n sorry

Working was something you cared very little about, but as you've come to realize apartments don't rent themselves. Jumping job to job became a pain in the ass until your bestie, an intern at Danforth Enterprises, claims that there is a perfect opening for front desk or assistant for you. Being saved by your bestfriend once again.

After arriving, seeing the towering building filled you with anxiety. You grasped your resume tightly to the side of your hip and walked in. Marble ran up the walls of the building and so did glass. The lighting was cold but soft. You rung up with the front desk and got directed to where your interview would be held.

As walked to the elevator you hear the sound of plastic grinding on marble. You looked up to see a man glide past you on skateboard before stopping. You looked at him with surprise from the professional tones of office his eccentric clothes and attitude made him stick out. Which maybe was the purpose.

He chuckles as you stare to long in confusion and grabs his board. He smiles and you see his eyes take all of you in for a second. His single earing and frosted tips bobbing a bit was the only sign he was checking you out but you decided to ignore him.

"Haven't seen you before" he stands next to you his eyes finally looking into yours. He ran a hand through his curls. "Don't talk much dear?"

You realize you've been staring and scoff awkwardly. "Sorry ugh yes I'm here for an interview"

"So haven't gotten the job yet? Well I'm sure it will be well wouldn't want a thing like you slipping away" from that alone you smiled a bit. Usually you wouldn't give some one flirting the time of day but this was a nice exception. From his words alone it was obvious he was a higher up you wonder what he does.

"Oh uh thank you but yeah just heading for my interview" you point to the elevator. You tried keeping interaction short and pull away a bit towards the elevator.

"I was just going there right now" he smiles and follows you. What a liar you just saw him come out minutes ago with his skateboard but it wasn't like you could ward him of especially since he hasn't done anything wrong. As you climb into the elevator you press the button for your floor.

He leans on the railing, resting his skateboard down a bit on the elevator walls. His smile was soft but his eyes told a different story. He Ogles you but he was rather nice.

Maybe I should introduce myself...I'm derek" he puts his hand out and you take it. Your smile slides as you repeat his name in your head ...derek...derek...derek danforth. You have been talking to the ceo of danforth enterprises and you didn't even realize.

"Oh I'm (y/n)" you try to bring back your smile not to show your intimidation.

"Aw don't tell me your scared dear. I don't bite" You smile briefly.

"Then what do you do?" Maybe flirting a bit back won't hurt.

"Work, been real bust lately especially after my assistant quit....maybe you'd like to help with that?" Work for him? That was an option? Or maybe he was just joking.

"Not sure how I can I barely have that kind of experience" he pokes your arm and free the resume from your hands and reads it.

"I think I can work with this dear...unless you don't want to work for me?" He flips through it and you find amazed. Do you want to work with him? His offer is better than going to that interview and gambling it. It wasn't like anyone else needed you at the moment.

"No no that's sounds like a great offer, I'm sure I can manage" he closes your resume and tucks it under his arm.

"Well then it's settled dear you'll work with me..." he shuffles a hand through his hair. "Be here Monday just tell the front desk and they'll direct you to me and we can get you started dear"

The elevator beeps and opens to the floor you were supposed to leave off but you stay. Derek walks out not before turning around to wave and give you a friendly smile.

"See you monday!"

Chapter one 😘

Thanks pookies for all the support 🥹

#derek danforth x reader #derek danforth #fanfic #the beekeeper #i ❤️ him #office #josh hutcherson #im mentally ill

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horsetailcurlers2 · 2 months

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YET ANOTHER long and obnoxious stream of my thoughts while watching greys anatomy for the first time (SEASON EIGHTEEN bc i’m nearly caught up!)

-i don’t like teddy and owen getting married but teddy looks really cute

-why did it take me a ridiculously long time to remember who the fuck nick marsh is

-why would he ask her to marry him a THIRD time after her second no

-this is a really interesting storyline about the racial assumptions still being the bases of some diagnostic formulas. i remember a science teacher in middle or high school trying to tell us that black people have less nerve endings which is such an insidious myth

-i don’t know how i feel about blonde jo you guys. it’s a little disconcerting. like when ur a little kid and your dad shaves his beard for the first time and it makes you cry

-i like that the show gradually got a lot more queer over time

-“she’s like my sister. you’re like my sister” IS IT ADDISON? IS ADDISON COMJNV ???? my love

-i’ll forgive the cheesy dialogue bc she looks great

-ik it’s a logistics thing with the actors but it would make a lot of sense if jake was here working on uterine transplants too considering he was really interested in it when he was introduced in PP. like, i feel like it would just make a lot of sense for this clinical trial to be a joint endeavor, especially considering he’s the fertility specialist

-addie’s scrub cap!!!

-while i’m at it, i really wish we’d gotten addison scenes or mention when derek died. this elevator scene is great and i love it but i think it’s often minimized how big of a part addison played in his AND amelia’s lives. like obviously i get it. it would be weird to bring up your brothers ex wife in front of his grieving widow but in my head i think addison could have really been there for amelia because they could have shared memories that meredith wasn’t there for. and at the time meredith had no interest in grieving with amelia. like, they were together for a decade and a half. just because they’re no longer married doesn’t mean that death wouldn’t have hit hard. especially because mark is gone too.

-“there was tension” yeah and they should kiss about it

-they forgot how to write addison a little bit. also the convo with amelia feels really ooc. i get it’s showing how the pandemic fucked with everybody’s mental health but “truly hate” is a bit much and …. “i hate that for you” ???????? what

-my bestie tom looks good with a little gray in his hair

-ooh! meredith is in her kicky heeled boots era. love it

-i really like maggie’s hair this season

-bailey’s timeline is so fucking confusing. she was still a resident in seasons four and five (which span one year) which means she must have only been a fourth year in seasons 1-3 (also one year). yet she’s seen having way more authority and autonomy than any other class of residents had at her level. and she’s always going on and on about how she’s responsible for shaping and teaching meredith and her year of residents… which yeah sure but not in a very large capacity until maybe later on bc she was only a fourth year resident when they met. i’m so lost.

-i’m getting a little tired of the random car crashes you guys

-i’m not invested in link/amelia tbh but jo/link doesn’t interest me at all. none of the relationships are interesting rn

-oh my god this scene with all the blood and the waterfall on the podcast is so unsettling. there’s no way they’re going to continue the webber method after this

-i know it’s not going to happen and i know this makes me sound like a horrible person but god i would love it if hayes left and owen died in this car rn

-OH MY GOD OWEN TOTALLY KILLED THAT GUY AND HE TOLD HAYES BC HE THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE, RIGHT? is that what they’re hinting at with hayes bringing up mercy killings to meredith? bc that would make this boring episode interesting to me

-link has a right to be upset but he’s pissing me off. he’s rewriting history and hasn’t been listening to amelia at all since the initial proposal

-didn’t they used to do m&m s in a much bigger lecture hall?

-i think the show was not necessarily less cheesy and melodramatic in season one but i will say that the cheesiness and melodrama was much more fun when everyone had flip phones and they were playing tegan & sara and the script in the background. not to mention everything is far too well lit and high def now it makes their bad choices look less sexy.

-now that farouk is older he looks really familiar. i’m trying to figure out what else i’ve seen him in

-“she’s ruined every good thing in my life” i feel for link, i really do, but i am so done with his whining.

-little ellis looks SO MUCH like ellis senior it’s insane. a+ casting

-owen sucks (x9)

-i was just reminded of that time in the earlier seasons when teddy and cristina’s patient wanted physician assisted suicide or something and owen got all weird and angry about it and overstepped a bunch. and now look at what he did. huh

-bailey needs to take several hundred seats

-addison looks so good !!!!!!!!

-do you guys remember a couple of seasons ago when jackson wasn’t gonna do that new bottom surgery for the trans woman and catherine yelled down the hallway “jackson avery!! i thought you were woke!!” ? that’s me rn but with teddy.

-am i supposed to like link??? is it an unpopular opinion that i don’t

-i feel like kai doesn’t vibe with kids and i think they should be up front about it before things get more serious

-i would play boggle with teddy :(

-ooh they’re using songs from the early seasons’ soundtrack

-let her LEAVE!!! why is nobody else taking any responsibility for the state of things. this in no way should fall on meredith’s shoulders. bailey especially! i get that she’s stretched too thin but that’s part of the problem.

#greys anatomy #i’m hanging on by a thread u guys #i can’t stop now only one more season until i’m caught up #meredith grey #teddy altman #amelia shepherd #addison montgomery #!!!!#you can find the rest of these under #greys reactions

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j-nightingalesb1tch · 1 year

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well now that it's been a couple days since i watched the teen wolf movie and i've sufficiently forgotten 90% of it, i think it's time i told you all what i liked/disliked about it

1. jackson whittemore

he was just so fucking funny, like why was he even there?? did they give colton a script or did they just give him a recap of everything he missed in the show before simply throwing him on set and going "good luck."

i loved him though. it really feels like he's more comfortable in himself now. when he came back in s6, he wasn't as bitter but he still felt quite stiff. now he's comfortable in his sexuality and his place in the world, and he's no longer trying too hard. love that for him. his friendship with lydia also means a lot to me. i originally thought they were gonna put them back together, but i adore them as snarky besties.

also i'm glad they didn't break him and ethan up. we got our lgbtq+ scraps, guys!!

2. peter hale

hasn't changed a bit and i love it. his entrance was iconic and so fitting for his character. the tension between him and chris was obvious (perhaps because of melissa?) and i love how they still have an air of mystery when it comes to him. no one truly knows if he's on the good side or the bad.

also i can confidently say that peter crawling on the floor in human form, sniffing, was the absolute highlight of the movie.

3. eli hale

he was a great addition to the cast. i loved his relationship with derek, but him as a character really refreshed the film and gave us some wholesome but funny moments.

also we all know he's basically a stiles mini-me, so it was nice to have someone there to fill what the film would've been missing because of stiles' absense without full-out replacing him.

4. jr borne

his acting in the movie was absolutely outstanding. i was in shock. he was already amazing in the show but he's outdone himself. i really felt his emotions through the screen. literal chills. what a powerful performance!

5. the hellhound

i'm so glad they gave parrish an important role in the film. the hellhound was one of my favourite supernatural creatures from the show, so it was great to see ryan kelley shine once more.

6. coach finstock

he also has not changed a single bit and it's really refreshing to see. they didn't try to shoehorn him into the story too much. he simply played the part he always has, and made us laugh doing it.

7. the jeep

when they said the jeep would be featured in the film, i didn't think they meant they would try and stick it in every scene possible. i love it.

as a sterek shipper, i love the idea of eli nicking the jeep because he knows derek has some complicated feelings towards it. i won't do a sterek section on this list because i don't know whether i'm happy or mad about it, but this was an interesting addition to the film.

8. melissa had a crossbow

she had a crossbow. it's about fucking time.

now what i disliked:

1. the misuse of key characters

why were liam and mason used as side characters?? why did they barely speak, they're best friends?? why did they introduce hikari and not bother actually giving her a personality outside of being a kitsune?? i have too many thoughts on all of this, but it pissed me off.

2. just general confusion

they didn't specify if melissa and chris were still together or not. no explanation on why scott and malia split up. how did parrish and malia get together? who is eli's mum? why did liam have the nogitsune? why did scott and allison adopt eli?

also where has all the chemistry between the cast gone?? shelley especially felt so awkward with everyone. it's like they're not friends anymore, which i know isn't true.

3. the nudity and swearing

i could've gone my whole life without seeing allison, parrish and malia's bare asses. also the swearing was great, but they all felt like year 7's when they did it.

4. the returns

as someone who didn't really care for allison, her return was just annoying. out of all the characters they could've brought back, allison is the one they definitely should've left alone. hers was a major death in the show, and the start of a lot of character development for scott and chris. they should've come up with a different story not involving allison or the nogitsune. you know they only brought her back so that scallison fans can have their endgame.

and adrian harris?? what?? why?? he didn't even do anything of purpose in the film. what was the actual point in bringing him back??

5. derek's death

i'm not even gonna touch this. but i'm fuming.

#teen wolf #the teen wolf movie #teen wolf movie #derek hale #sterek #scott mccall #eli hale #allison argent #chris argent #liam dunbar #stiles stilinski #jackson whittemore #lydia martin #i'm not tagging everyone #this list was rushed cause i'm lazy

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soleadita · 5 months

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Okay. Babe. My mutual in closest proximity. Talk to me about Stargate Atlantis pls.

OHMYGOD. okay. okay. i accidentally wrote you an essay. i'm not sure how much of it is coherent. i love u thank u for sending me this it made my night. <3

disclaimer: i'm so new. many people know much more than i do. and i still have about a season and a half left; i've been watching with a bestie so i've been forced to pace myself more than i would otherwise.

plot/premise: SGA is a spinoff of a movie (Stargate) and another show (Stargate SG-1). i was told, repeatedly, to watch the others first, but i'm impatient...i was a little confused but i got the gist eventually. ANYWAY. it's like...the lost city of atlantis has been located, except it's in another galaxy, and a group of scientists and military fools are going there for an expedition to like...explore/learn things? they're kind of in space, but it doesn't feel like that too much—by my standards, at least, and i am a known hater of media that takes place entirely in space. there's a team, they're a family, they get into Situations...u know the drill.

why i, specifically, enjoy the show:

john sheppard. JOHN. SHEPPARD. babe, i have not been this down bad for a character since DEREK HALE. im NOT KIDDING. i wanted to say more about him but i don't feel qualified enough to have my own thoughts yet. (or at least, i still feel shy about saying them out loud on the internet. i can and will go on and on about him in private, though.)

i did go into this for john sheppard. i will fully admit that. (i had a few mutuals who'd put him on my dash every so often and i could just tell he was gonna do me in.) HOWEVER. i am falling in love with nearly every single character. the character development is genuinely some of the best i've seen, and the way the team gradually turns into family who have each others' backs no matter what?? I'M EATING IT UP. (here is a video of the team, i CANNOT talk about each of them individually, i'd be here all night.)

john and rodney's dynamic is DELICIOUS. they're both obnoxiously intelligent (and they're both obnoxious, but in different ways). they annoy each other. they delight in each other's presence. they're teammates. they're best friends. they keep each other alive they'd do anything for each other they know each other better than they know themselves. (AND I KNOW I'M ONLY SCRATCHING THE SURFACE OF IT MYSELF, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED THE SHOW.......)(here is a video bc there's no way my words are gonna do it justice.)(also here are more words.)

the fic is SO good, too, and it's been especially fun bc the authors of a lot of my fav sterek fics had also written for sga back in the day, and getting to read stuff from them that i hadn't read yet....aughhhh. i love fandom.

the dialogue is hilarious, the situations are WILD (cannot tell you how many times i've been like WHO WAS IN THE WRITERS ROOM HOW DID THEY COME UP WITH THIS), and generally i'm just having such a great time.

in conclusion (bc i'm cutting myself off here), i'm never really sure whether i should recommend things to people or not bc my own tastes are basically just whatever happens to hit the unpredictable switch in my brain, but GENUINELY it's just SO FUN. i'm having the time of my life. i cannot shut up about it. <3

#i meant to answer this in a quicker time frame but sometimes hyperfixation medias are so hard to talk about...#it's consuming my thoughts it's all i post about but if someone asks me about it i suddenly have never had a single thought in my life??#anyway. i really don't think i did sga justice here but if u ever watch it....or if u ever want to know more...PLS. I AM ALWAYS HERE.#also kate argent is in it briefly. that threw me for a fucking LOOP. can't believe she's canonically tortured two of my best guys.#kitkatpancakestack #bestie mail <3

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justagalwhowrites · 10 months

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just to offer a different opinion to the other anon who thought doc was gaslighting joel about the whole tommy situation…. we have to remember that they weren’t just regular broken up exes like they were when joel broke up w her pre-outbreak. he straight up hated her (or at least acted like he did) and told her multiple times that he wished he never met her and never wanted to see her again. in my mind, that behavior dissolves any and all claim you have over someone, even to those who would normally be off-limits (i.e. family members). doc was absolutely in the right in that conversation imo. honestly, joel should be on his knees thanking doc for even looking in his general direction atp after the way he treated her all those years.

i get it that dating the family members of exes is weird (and if doc and tommy got together in an AU where the outbreak didn’t happen and sarah didn’t die, i would be more on joel’s side) but in this universe, with the way joel treated her, honestly he has zero right to be mad at her for anything (though i get why he was, bc the real emotion behind his outburst was probably just jealousy and anger at himself for not getting his shit together sooner). that’s my take on it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi Bestie!

Another view on the Doc/Joel convo about Tommy!

This is a little more in line with how I approached the Doc/Tommy relationship from a writing perspective (which doesn't necessarily mean it's the right interpretation! However it came off to you is right for you!)

Another part of this, Doc is so fucking wrecked by EVERYTHING with the outbreak and Joel and really only has Andrew to rely on for support and Andrew had Jess. Doc didn't want to pull him away from the life he was making for himself by bogging him down in her shit. She was lonely and just a very broken person - she couldn't even come around to the idea of trying to date someone after Joel she was so devastated by him and she internalized all of it because she had no outlet. Tommy knew all of these really devastating things so she wouldn't need to explain it, was kind to her, wanted her and was so willing to go along with whatever she needed that he felt supremely safe.

Even if Joel was THAT cruel to her in a breakup in a no-outbreak scenario, she wouldn't have dated Tommy because she wouldn't have been so fragile. She would have had support (Cass, Louisa), she wouldn't have survived everything she had to get to that point so she wouldn't have the same trauma. Tommy would have been totally off the table, even if he put the moves on her. It'd have taken her a while but she'd have found a Derek or a Brad on her own within a few months and kinda-sorta moved on. At least to the extent of having a somewhat fulfilling relationship with him if not being head over heels in love with him. The Tommy/Doc situation was one that came about only because everyone was so fucked up from trauma and Joel's reaction to it was to lash out to force distance between him and the person he loved most and Doc's was to self destruct.

All that being said, I don't blame Joel for being pissed about it. Especially since he directs his anger at Tommy and not Doc. I think he understands how much he hurt Doc (not that he wants to think about that, he'd much rather dodge that thought as much as possible) but he's like "WTF Tommy I didn't do anything to you fuck you."

ANYWAY! That's part of my thesis on the Joel/Doc/Tommy situation lmfao I could talk about this all day because there were LAYERS to me planning out that relationship lol LAYERS Y'ALL

#fanfic #lavender #send asks #kit answers

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reidsaurora · 2 years

Text

"Observations" ~ A. Hotchner

GIF by merakiaes

Summary: When Y/N starts to feel grouchy (and nauseous and hungry), JJ seems to be the only person to put two and two together. When Y/N determines that JJ was correct in assuming that Y/N is indeed pregnant, she begins to worry, but especially about what her boyfriend and coworker Hotch is going to think.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Pregnant!BAU!Reader

Word Count: 1,577

Content Warning: pregnancy related topics, birth control/pregnancy related topics, very mild swearing

Genre: mostly Fluff

Extra Notes: the timeline of JJ being pregnant and Hotch being a single dad isn't completely accurate so just ~ignore~ that

Based On: an idea from my bestie

Features the One-Liner: "I have a human growing inside of me. I'm not okay."

Originally Written: 02/21/2022

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

"Hey, pretty woman," Derek smiled at Y/N as she walked into the BAU's kitchenette.

"Who do I look like? Penelope?" she sassed back, beginning to pour herself some coffee.

"Woah, what crawled in your Froot Loops this morning?" he chuckled.

"Sorry," she shrugged. "Just having a bad morning."

He chuckled, "Tell me about it. This coffee's the only thing getting me through this morning."

"Same here," Y/N chuckled.

The two walked out of the kitchenette and off to the round table room, ready for JJ to begin briefing them on their case.

As JJ briefed, Y/N found herself making both mental notes and physical notes of things she wanted to focus on related to the case. However, as she made her observations of the case, she also noticed herself observing a couple random waves of nausea throughout the briefing.

Y/N shook it off, attempting to tune herself back in.

"Y/N," Hotch called as she came out of her trance.

"Hmm?" she replied, blinking a couple times.

"Did you hear me?"

She shook her head in response, a small feeling of guilt coming over her for not focusing on the case like she should.

"I told you to go with JJ and Reid to the police station once we get there," he explained.

"Oh," she said, almost as an unamused sigh.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Y/N answered defensively. Perhaps a little too defensively.

None of the team really knew how to respond to Y/N's anger. After all, she usually had just as much pep in her step as Penelope did.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

The team could tell something was wrong with Y/N, especially Hotch, but instead of saying anything else (for fear of getting on her bad side), they chose to ignore it and continue on briefing.

☆☆☆

"Sorry about that, guys," Y/N apologized as she walked out of the bathroom for the third time since they'd arrived at the police station. "I guess all that coffee this morning went straight to my bladder," she chuckled.

"Trust me. I know the feeling," giggled a very pregnant JJ.

"Actually, it only takes between 15 and 45 minutes to urinate after drinking coffee, which means it most likely exited your body long before we even got on the plane," Spencer informed Y/N.

"It was a joke, Reid," she grumbled under her breath.

"Oh, I know. I was just explaining why it was a medically inaccurate joke."

Y/N took in a deep, annoyed sigh as she rolled her eyes. She walked over to the evidence box and began looking through the items with Spencer.

As they continued to do so, a small grumbling from Y/N's stomach could be heard all throughout the room.

"Did you eat this morning?" JJ asked with a giggle.

"Yeah, I'm not sure why I'm hungry again," Y/N answered. "Although, I do have a strong craving for chocolate all of a sudden," she observed.

"You know, sudden cravings, how often you've been peeing, and all the mood swings you've had today… you could be pregnant," JJ pointed out.

"Trust me, Jaje, I'm not pregnant," Y/N scoffed. "I'm on a birth control ring."

"There's actually about a 9 out of 100 chance of your birth control ring falling out. Hence why they're actually only 91% effective. Plus, there's other factors, like if you took out on days you were supposed to use it or if you forgot to put it in on time in the first place," Spencer explained.

Y/N couldn't explain why, but with every fact that Spencer spat out, she seemed even more annoyed than the last time.

"I'm not seeing anyone, so if you can explain that, by all means," she replied sarcastically.

"You mean to tell me-"

"Don't even go there, JJ."

JJ was the only person who somewhat knew that Y/N and Hotch were together. She'd been speculating it for a while, but neither of them would confirm the relationship, for fear of HR getting involved.

"I'm just saying," JJ replied in a sing-song voice.

"Well, you're wrong."

☆☆☆

"Dammit," Y/N let out under her breath.

"What's up?" Hotch asked.

"I just want to finish one page of this before I have to get up and pee again," she complained, slamming the notebook down on the desk.

"You OK?"

"I'm fine, Hotch."

Hotch knew better than to engage any further when his girlfriend was in a bad mood like she'd been that day, so he simply turned back to his work instead of continuing on with the conversation at hand.

"Y/N, can I see you for a minute?" JJ asked from across the room.

"Sure," she exhaled in response.

JJ and Y/N exited the room, leaving Hotch and Spencer to continue on with the case.

"I think you're pregnant," JJ said point blankly.

"I am not pregnant, JJ!" Y/N whisper-shouted.

"I'm telling you. I acted the exact same way during my first trimester."

"I'm not pregnant."

"I think you should take a test, just to be sure."

"You wanna know what I think? I think there's no possible way that I have a human inside of me," Y/N rebutted.

"Well, when it turns out I'm right, I'm gonna need you to either confirm or deny that Hotch is the father," JJ joked.

"I'm not pregnant, and if I was, Hotch would not be the father."

☆☆☆

"JJ, can I speak to you in private for a moment?" asked an extremely worried Y/N as she once again entered the police station.

JJ stood and walked over to Y/N, leading her into a private room. "What's up?"

"I'm pregnant and Hotch is the father," she confirmed.

"You took a test?" JJ asked.

"Yep."

"And it had either two lines or a cross?"

"Two lines… multiple times."

"Y/N, that's wonderful news," JJ said with a big smile.

"But what about Hotch? I mean, he's just now getting used to being a single dad. I don't want to ruin how good his relationship with Jack is now."

"You'll figure it out. Right now, the only thing you need to do is focus on your health and tell him about it."

"Hell, no! JJ, are you crazy? I can't just tell him something like that in the middle of a case," Y/N rebutted.

"Suit yourself. But you can't wait forever," JJ commented before walking out of the room.

Y/N wondered about what she was going to do, not only about her health, but about Hotch.

☆☆☆

"They need us at a new crime scene," Hotch announced.

"I'll stay behind with JJ," Y/N offered, probably a little quickly.

"I'm fine. You don't need to stay here because of me," JJ said.

Y/N shot her a look, and JJ immediately understood why she'd offered to stay behind.

"Or she can stay with me. I could use a little help around here," JJ tried to cover up her last statement.

"Are you OK?" Hotch asked as he turned to Y/N.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?" she replied nervously.

"Can I see you in here for a moment?" Hotch asked as he walked toward the room he was currently using for an office.

Y/N let out a sigh, following behind him. "This is it," she thought to herself as they entered the room.

"Y/N, please tell me what's wrong," Hotch asked, closing the door.

"Nothing is wrong, Hotch, " she lied. Everything was wrong, and she knew it.

"I'm a profiler. I can tell when you're upset about something. Plus, I'd be a pretty terrible boyfriend if I couldn't tell when something is wrong with you."

"I'm serious. I'm fine," Y/N responded, a sudden wave of frustration hitting her. "If one one person asks me that today, I'm going to commit manslaughter."

Hotch crossed his arms, giving Y/N a knowing look.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"Are you sure you're OK?" he asked once more.

Finally, she cracked. She sat down across from Hotch, head in her hands. "No," she managed to let out as she began softly crying. "I just found out I have a human growing inside of me. Of course I'm not OK."

"You what?" Hotch asked in a very confused tone.

"I'm pregnant, Hotch."

"Honey, that's wonderful," he smiled, walking over and wrapping her in a hug.

Y/N looked up at him through teary eyes. "You're not mad?" she asked. "I mean, you already have Jack and I don't wanna ruin that for you."

"You're making him a big brother, something he talks about nonstop. He's gonna be just as over the moon with this information as I am right now," Hotch reassured her.

"Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack," he confirmed.

Hotch leaned down, giving Y/N a reassuring kiss. All of Y/N's worries melted away as he did so.

"I love you, Y/N. Don't you think for one second that I'm anything less than happy."

Y/N took in a deep sigh, though this sigh was much different than all the other sighs she'd let out that day. This one was a content sigh, a sigh of knowing that everything would be OK. Hotch was happy, Y/N was happy, Jack would be happy, and in nine months, they'd be holding a happy bundle of joy.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Guys, I am so sorry it took me so long to get this posted!! I wanna give a quick shoutout to my bestie @bfunsolvedboys for beta reading this on short notice and helping me come up with a title! love youuuu ❤

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

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gb-patch · 3 years

Text

Ask Answers: March 30th, 2021- Part 1

We’ve been really focused on getting the Step 3 DLC done and keeping up with asks kind of got away from me, aha. Thank you for waiting for a reply! We’re still definitely behind, but here’s a good chunk of responses!

I love Our Life so much but if the release of the step 3 dlc is in April, please don't "release" it on April 1, my poor heart can't take that prank 😭

Don’t worry! I’m horrible at pranks, haha. When we do post something specifically for April Fool’s it’s always to pretend it’s a joke when in reality it’s something we’re actually planning to do. But we don’t have anything like that arranged for this year. Any posts on April 1st will just be like normal.

Omigod, can you end the game in love with Cove but not in a relationship? My character stayed calm at the restaurant and Cove slept over at her home and I think I may have missed it. I'm delirious if I did, may never stop laughing. The children are idiots

Haha, yes, it is possible to be in love and still not get into an actual relationship. There’s no forced ending where the two are made to confess their feelings and accept, it’s all optional/avoidable.

How can you see the new main character cut-in images? I'm not trying to be rude, but, all of my playthroughs, but I haven't seen them yet. (I know you can go through an entire game without seeing them, but I have went through multiple games.)

It’s a bit of a spoiler to say here, but you can check out the guide we posted on Steam HERE!

Is it possible to win first place in the library quiz with Lizzy (Step 1 DLC)

Yep, it is! Someone made a guide for the answers HERE (it’s also on Steam). We probably shouldn’t have required a perfect score to win a children quiz, but oh well, haha.

Hello!

In the future (in step 4) can you marry Cove even if you are friends? I would love to have a platonic wedding with him!

I’m afraid not. As much as he cares for the MC when they’re besties, Cove would only really want an official marriage if it’s based on romance.

Hello! I bumped into Our Life randomly last month, and it is one of the best coincidences I have ever laid on. I love how the choices and little details in the story changes throughout the game, and I'm excited to keep supporting you! I'm absolutely in love with Cove and would like to ask what keeps him to be especially interested in the MC? Other than how you can choose what fondness level you have with him, what ultimately leads him to be in sync with us? Sorry if it's a little much & thank u!

Cove likes the MC because, regardless of the different personality traits you can give the MC, they meet him on his level, listen to him, understand him (even if you’re indifferent and not really close the MC still gets where he’s coming from), and if you’re fond/crush/love than you’re there for him. He finds the MC someone he can respect, trust, and, if they’re close, feel safe with. I’m glad you enjoyed the game!

hi there! for xoxo droplets i see the that female pronouns are used in the description, in the actual game can you change the pronouns or are they stuck as female? i'm aware the game is free, but i have a bad habit of buying dlc's before playing the game so it would be helpful to know before i spend money on it. if anything i'll save that money for more our life dlcs when they come out :D

XOXO Droplets does have a set MC. It’s the story of a specific person rather than a game about making your own story. All of our games prior to Our Life were about exploring MCs that were fully fleshed out people in their own right, so you can’t get the OL experience from what we did before. But we do plan to do more custom-style MCs going forward from here!

For the our life nsfw dlc, will you have to be in the patron to have it or will there be another way for people who really support the game but can't pay to get it?

I’m afraid not. We might put it up for sale somewhere other than Patreon someday (though never on Steam or Itch) since we know not everyone can use that site, but it will still cost money on any other hosting page we use. It’s unfortunately not a piece of content we can give away for free.

Hello! I finally got to play Xoxo Blood Droplets and it mentioned about a DLC coming out soon. Is it already out or are you still planning it?

We are still planning to finish it when we can, we just had to put it on hold because 2020 was a tough year and we needed to put all our focus on Our Life. There’s some of the extra DLC stories available for beta testing on the Patreon.

Is there a link to the soundtrack for Xoxo Blood Droplets? I really like the music in this game!

That’s not available yet, but we’ll probably put it up for sale once the rest of the stories are done.

Would there be any chance for XOXO Droplets OSTs to be released in the future? (Please take my money-)

We might! There are some things we wanna do and fix before we really start advertising XOXO Droplets things again, but hopefully it all comes together.

Why does Cove dislike Shiloh so much despite all of Shiloh's efforts to get along? I can understand his dislike for Lizzie, but why Shiloh?

They met under bad terms (with an arranged play date he had no choice in), Shiloh’s sort of pushy himself when it comes to trying to get along, and Cove thinks he’s just kind of unusual in how he interacts/reacts with people. They don’t click, basically.

Is there a way to have your character be a tsundere? And have Cove toughened up a bit due to that? Sorry if the is a stupid question! ^^;

Maybe? The options in the game aren’t based on those types of personality tropes and I don’t know them well enough to say if you can accurately find a way to make it work with the available options. But it’s not a stupid question, I’m sure plenty of other people have considered something similar c:

do voiced names work only with their exact spelling? cause my mc is called Sophia and one of the voiced names is Soffia so i was wondering but if only works like that it's fine (sorry if i made any mistakes, english isn't my first language)

“Voice” and “text” are separate! You can pick the “voice” you want and then type in whatever “text” you prefer. And your English is really good.

Will OL:NF be based on a season/break like the first game? Or some other type of setting?

Our Life: Now & Forever takes place over the full course of Autumn. So, the start of school and then into the fall holiday season type of time period.

Will we ever see a jealous cove😭😭 please im begging u-

Only in small ways, really. Sadly, I’m just not someone who enjoys jealousy in stories and therefore I don’t know how to implement it in a way that feels enjoyable. Maybe I’ll figure out a angle I can work with in future projects.

Do you have any plans with Our Life once step 4 has been released along with step 3's DLCs?

After the Step 3 DLCs and Step 4 we’ll be releasing the Cove wedding DLC, the Derek romance DLC, and then the Baxter romance DLC. The project will likely be considered fully complete at that point.

Hello, I just needed to first of all sat how amazed I was when I discovered this game. I thought I would be disappointed by the lack of love interests, but you worked so hard to make sure Cove is the Best Boy for so many different people!! It really has been my comfort game for a while now, and I think all the different choices you allow make it the best romance game I’ve played in my life. The only problem is now my expectations for love are Cove level, and no one can live up to that. You’ve put so much consideration to make this game super inclusive and I think it’s amazing. If I can ask, for the exclusive NSFW Patreon dlc, will it only be available for the month it comes out? Or could I become a patron months later and still be able to download it. I just don’t have a job right now otherwise I would LOVE to subscribe to your Patreon and definitely will once I have the money again!! Thank you so so much for making such a lovely game that’s brought me so much joy.

Hiya! I'm so sorry for sounding like a complete degenerate for asking, but will the nsfw moment on patreon still be available even if i'm not a patron of the month it comes out? (e.g. i didnt pay/join the necessary tier before the moment is released) Thank you for your hard work on OL, I really connected with Cove in a way I never anticipated.

Thank you very much for such kind words! The Patreon DLC will be up for download on the Patreon indefinitely once it’s done. Just like the normal DLCs, you can pay to get it whenever you like but it won’t be up for sale until it’s finished. So take all the time you need.

Sorry to bother you guys, but there was an earlier ask detailing the OL LI's love languages and I was just wondering- Would that be for them personally, as in what they do, or the love language they enjoy receiving the most? Because I know for some people it's different for both on giving and receiving and was a bit confused, haha. Sorry for the trouble, your games are really nice!

For Cove and Derek it’s what they like to receive and what they give. For Baxter, it’s what he likes to get. What he gives is tailored to his partner. He’s flexible that way~ And it’s no trouble.

asking (and also fanning... fanboying? fangirling? fanpersoning? screw it- from a distance) anonymously because my confidence is nonexistent.

will you be doing a kickstarter for our life: now and forever? i know it's probably been asked and mentioned before, but will you be doing a kickstarter akin to the one done for our life: beginnings and always? if so, will you be doing similar tier rewards? (if you guys do so, i will [politely] throw my money at you).

now, to the fan.. personing? FAN. uhm. to the part where this anonymous agender idiot will begin to act as the fan they are.

THE GAME IS SO. SO NICE. IT'S CUSTOMIZABLE. I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT PART. AAAAA I ALSO ENJOY THAT YOU GAVE US THE OPTION TO JUST STAY BEST FRIENDS OR SOMETHING A8DBAIHEW- AND YOU INCLUDED AROS AND ACES IN THAT SEXUALITY CHOOSING PART- aaaAAA AND YOU MADE ELIZABETH FILIPINO- THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR CREATING SUCH AN INCLUSIVE GAME!!!

to summarize; will you be doing a kickstarter? and thank you for creating such a nice game. i, and likely the majority if not all of those who have played the game, am thankful.

Aw, thanks <3! I’m so happy it was such a nice experience for you. We are planning on having a Kickstarter for Our Life: Now & Forever. It’ll have similar rewards to the Our Life: O&A Kickstarter, but some changes will have to be made. Like, we’ll definitely need to increase the rate for getting a voiced name. Originally it was $3USD, which was super low for how much work it really took to add in a customized piece of voice acting, aha. Live and learn.

So sorry if you've already answered this, I looked but I couldn't find anything. Is the 18+ DLC coming out alongside the Step 3 DLC, or do they have different development timelines entirely? I'm so excited for all the DLC coming out in the future, and even though the release dates aren't out, I'm already counting down the days. :)

They have different development times and will come out separately. Despite taking place in the same Step period, they’re disconnected pieces of content and making progress on one doesn’t mean the other is closer to being finished. The normal Step 3 DLC is releasing first. It’s great to hear you’re looking forward to them!

Hey!! I'm absolutely LOVING Our Life! I have been pondering on one question though, what's Cove's ethnicity, if there is a set one? Or is it something we can Headcanon?

hi hi! i wanted to say first of all that i absolutely adore our life. it's one of my favourite games of 2020, and i think it was just the perfect dose of positivity we all needed, even if you didn't intend to release it during such a hectic year lol! secondly, i wanted to say: if it's alright to ask, what ethnicity is cove? :-0 and what about his parents? i was just curious about it ^^)/ thank you!!

Cove’s mom, Kyra, is white. But his dad’s, Cliff’s, race doesn’t come up and players are able to headcanon it. So Cove is half white and half whatever you prefer Cliff to be!

hello! there was a post on the patreon where you can run your fingers down cove's chest in errands - how do you get that scene? ♥

That was an old mistake on my part- you can only get that scene in the Ending rather Errands. You have to leave the big family dinner at the restaurant to go into the car, be dating Cove for a while, have Cove come see you there, and then mention using your hands when Cove makes a joke about hands.

in baxter’s dlc, is there any point where you can tell him about the previous renters of the condo?

You can talk to him about that in the normal Step 3 DLC!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you for all the interest in our games everybody :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever #ask #ourlifeba #ourlifenf #gb patch #gb patch games #long post

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jedivszombie · 3 years

Text

Okay gang, since there are a bunch of anons going fucking wild across the dash tonight about some joking posts about Mark Webber and Ann Neal - that were someone’s shocked reaction to the age difference between them. I thought it would be interesting to go on a little journey together.

This little journey is the story of how Ann and Mark met, and will hopefully give you guys some insight as to why the ‘sexism’ and ‘ageism’ arguments you are currently using are bullshit - and why using these words in such a buzzword way actually is not the kind of critical thinking you think it is. And why this situation is more akin to a student and teacher starting a relationship - which I think we can all agree is not advisable, even if you don’t know why.

Below the cut is going to be a little discussion of Mark and Ann the early days; the reason the age difference is iffy at best and fucked up at worst; and, a little discussion about how these situations require nuance and the ways in which f1blr often likes to blow situations out of proportion.

I have split it into three parts:

Mark and Ann: The Early Days (1994-1997)

Nuance, my old friend. Anon hate, my enemy. (tw: for racism here, be careful)

The pitfalls of discourse and the importance of looking after yourself.

A little disclaimer for you guys: I do not pretend to know anything about this relationship, other than what is readily available to learn about it from what they themselves have put out about it. I am just providing a timeline and some facts. Whatever conclusions you draw from it are your own.

Feel free to come for me if you so desire.

Mark and Ann: The Early Days (1994-1997)

We start our story in Australia in February, 1994. Mark is competing in Australian Formula Ford Championship and Ann Neal is the new media and PR officer for the category. This is their first meeting. Just so we know what’s up here Mark was 17 at the time, and Ann was absolutely an adult (apparently there is a 13 year age gap, which may not sound like much but we will get onto that later, which makes her roughly 30 when they first met).

Some key things to be aware of from this first meeting:

Mark is 17, Ann is about 30. Mark is a young racer, Ann is the media and PR officer for the category he races in.

In an excerpt from Aussie Grit, p. 57 to be exact, we get to find out what Ann had to say about the first time they met:

“She thought I was a bit of a smart-arse when we first met. ‘But I liked how bold and cheeky he was,’ she says, ‘and how mature he seemed. When I asked someone how old he was, I was shocked when they said 17 – he was confident beyond his years.’”

In another excerpt from Aussie Grit, p. 61, Mark tells us other things Ann remembers about their first meeting:

“Ann remembers our first meeting and my opening remark about her being so important. She can even remember what I was wearing – a stripey green and red top, one of those United Colors of Benetton things – so that was pretty prophetic, as things turned out!”

Now this may sound extremely cute to some of you, like they’re just having a normal ‘aww remember how we met’ moment. But let me please re-direct your attention back to the fact that Mark is 17 (and still not an adult yet if this is what you are gonna nitpick about) and Ann is very much an adult, in a position of power.

So, a teenager makes a quip about how important you are and you commit to memory what he was wearing the day it happened?

Now let’s bring in the first quote I put up there where Ann herself was recalling the first time they met. I would like to draw your attention to the following sentence: ‘and how mature he seemed. When I asked someone how old he was, I was shocked when they said 17 – he was confident beyond his years.’

Hmmmm, where have we all heard language like this used before? If, like me, you have some experience of adults trying to start inappropriate relationships with you as a teenager then you will be very familiar to this sort of language. The emphasis is on how mature he seemed, is what’s sticking out for me here tbh.

Now, if this had been a fleeting meeting, and they had met again a few years later, I would be more on board for whatever justification some of the anons have been trying to use. However, it wasn’t.

Again from Aussie Grit, p.61:

“After that first meeting we kept in touch. My family sometimes met up with Ann and Luke for weekend get-togethers, and I ensured she got her motor-sport fixes by dragging all my old F1 tapes out. By way of revenge she would bring down all her British Formula Ford tapes for me.”

Oh cool, so she gained the trust of his family and Mark was hanging out with her son. This is so sweet Alexa, play Chosen Family by Rina Sawayama. Real talk though, again if this is how it had ended - with them just being family friends - then we would not be having this conversation.

BUT, we all know how this little story ends so onwards we march. We shoot forward to late 1994, Mark has done okay in Formula Ford but his Dad is no longer able to fund him. SO, he turns to their old pal - the ever present and super helpful Ann, bless her heart - to try and drum up some sponsorship for Mark so he can race.

Little background on why Ann was chosen to try and help with this, I’ll give you 3 guesses and only one of them is correct. Yes, that’s right, it’s her experience - which she has managed to get by being 30 and having a background in motorsports. She started out as a motorsport journo and ended up dealing with press and PR for Paul Warwick (Derek Warwick’s brother). In 1986 she started dealing with Johnny Herbert’s media before working for Formula Ford in Europe in 1991.

Ann begrudgingly accepts and draws up plans with Mark, which leads him to a Yellow Pages sponsorship for his next season in Formula Ford, and beyond - how sweet, how nice, they are #winning! We stan teamwork besties! And Ann started working with Mark and his family to further his career.

Ann had a plan for Mark, as outlined in Aussie Grit, p.69-70:

“By the end of 1995 Annie told me, in no uncertain terms, that – and I quote – I had to get my arse out of there. She didn’t just mean Australian Formula Ford, either: she meant Australia. She thought it was time for me to go and have a crack at some of the big guys, and she proposed to help me go about it in a serious, business-like way.

‘How the f#*k are you going to get to Formula 1 coming from Queanbeyan?’ Anyone who wants to trace my journey should start with a piece of paper that Ann drew up on 6 July 1995.”

So, now Ann has outlined her hopes for Mark and a glimmering career in motorsport. I would like us to know that at this point in time Mark was the ripe old age of 18, going on 19.

In 1996 Ann and Mark moved properly to the UK so Mark could drive in the British Formula Ford Championship - at this point Mark is still 19. At this point he is living in the UK with Ann and her mother, and Ann’s son.

So this is probably sounding pretty okay so far and sure it’s just a business relationship with a business set up, like no real cause for concern. But then we discover that this business relationship had turned into a relationship-relationship pretty damn fast.

From the horses mouth himself, Aussie Grit, p.87:

“Back in England, Ann and I moved house to Aylesbury in Buckinghamshire, on the edge of motor sport’s equivalent of Silicon Valley. We had started out as teammates and friends on a mission but over time our friendship had deepened into something else. I enjoyed spending time with her and we felt entirely comfortable in each other’s company. Moving to England was a huge step for me and I think it was a case of us needing one another and that’s how the relationship was formed.”

Okay, okay, okay so I know at this point Mark is 19/20 he’s an adult right? He can make his own choices. But, can we please admit that at best it’s an iffy situation because of the position of power and authority she was in? In his life? For his career?

There are a few other excerpts I found particularly interesting, about Mark’s family’s reaction (all from Aussie Grit, chapter 3):

“My parents came over to the UK in the English summer of 1997. While they were thrilled about how things were developing for me in racing, they’d been less thrilled by the romantic relationship that was developing between Annie and me....” “...Annie was bitterly disappointed at my behaviour. Her plan to take me to the highest level of motor sport was starting to go horribly wrong, so she left Australia earlier than planned and headed back to Europe. My family arranged for Alan Docking to collect my belongings from the house we had been sharing and the one and only car Annie and I had at that stage...Campese Management told her that they had been instructed by the Webber family to terminate her role as my manager and that Campese Management would be taking over all aspects of my career, including the negotiation of my driving contracts.“

“While I knew Annie provided the support and guidance I needed in my racing career, I was missing her in so many other ways too. We were such a dynamic force in every sense; we could make things happen when we were together. We were teammates, soul mates, call it what you want.“

“As to Mum’s concern about our age difference, that has never been a factor for us. When we began to be more open about being together, perhaps the top end of the age gap shocked a few people. In those days people were less accepting of a big age difference between partners, especially when it’s our way round. It’s not such a big deal nowadays and it makes us laugh when so-called celebrities reveal they’re dating an older woman or younger man!“

While the Daily Mail is trash, the beginning of this video is very revealing to me - particularly Jackie Stewart’s comments from 00:12.

Obviously you can make up your own conclusions from all of this information, and I would once again like to point out that none of us - not me, not the anons, not you - actually know the nature of their relationship. They have been together for 24 years - good for them! Whatever they have going has obviously worked for them, this is not me trying to shit on that or anything, and I’m gonna be real I’m not the biggest Mark Webber fan.

Nuance, my old friend. Anon hate, my enemy.

All I want to do is add some nuance to the conversation, an overview of the timeline, an understanding of what the facts are. So that some of those cowardly anons (or anon) can hop off their self-built thrones and get a grip. The sexism and ageism argument literally does not apply here, for all of the evidence and reasons listed above - if the situation was flipped we would still be calling it out. The only difference is you guys would probably be on board with it being called out.

So Ann is a woman? So, what? Do you think she’s above reproach? You think one person’s 50 note post on this site is gonna rock the foundation of a relationship that has been 26 years in making? If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are either: a) Mark Webber himself, or b) delusional as hell. You really think that responding by sending anon hate to a teenager, who btw only made a post calling out the age difference because she was shocked and had just discovered it, is the right way to go?

You really think that sending me this message, attacking other people in such a vile and racist manner is okay?

So you don’t like Nehir and Sera? Good for you, go block them, if you follow them, unfollow them. Those options are free and readily available to you.

For me, it’s so funny to see you hiding behind that little Anon mask spewing this vile shit. The commitment you have to proving that you are just a cowardly person with nothing better to do than rag on a bunch of different people for reblogging a post, that in the long run is not going to reach the people it’s about, is outstanding. I really hope you pat yourself on the back for this one.

The pitfalls of discourse and the importance of looking after yourself.

There has definitely been a spate of ‘conversations’ that have been happening recently that have very much been straying into the land of discourse, over very small comments or posts. I think that some people need to remember that we’re all here for our own entertainment and as soon as it stops being fun - you are allowed to log off; you are allowed to block people; you are allowed to unfollow people.

Sending anon hate is so counterproductive to whatever conversation you think you are starting or having with a person. Also guys, sometimes it’s not that deep - sometimes jokes are just jokes, sometimes someone finds out something they didn’t know about a driver or an ex-driver and they make a joke post about it. That does not give you the right to send them hate, or to make racist comments in other people’s asks.

Sometimes these discussions require a debate and sometimes discourse can be good - but honestly? I’m worried about some of you guys, it is not healthy to get so angry at other people for the things they post on their blogs that you are not obligated to follow or interact with at all.

I am also worried about people who turn every little thing into something discoursey. There are causes and issues to care about in this sport and community, for sure. But sometimes you also have to pick your battles - especially when I know a lot people in this community have fragile mental health. I do not say this to patronise any of you but to just provide a reminder that you do not need to engage with everything that makes your blood boil, and furthering some of these conversations sometimes is not doing you guys any good. Burnout is real.

Please take some time to take care of yourselves, the pandemic is doing a number on all of us and I know being online gives you a gateway to being connected to people, but sometimes you just have to walk away from a discussion. Sometimes you have to just go and reblog something unrelated, or stare at a photo of your favourite driver, or listen to some angry music. Anything else to process your knee jerk reaction, to give yourself time to figure out how you feel about something and whether it’s worth engaging in or not.

#maisie talks #the post that no one asked for but we sure as shit needed #anon hate below the cut #would also like to say that i am not pretending to know shit about their relationship and this is all information provided by the couple #themselves #under the cut is a bunch of information about their relationship up to you how you take it but i know how i feel #tw racism #i went insane i've seen the opposite of god #thnx ana for supporting my rage #here i am a hundred years late and a dollar short #mark webber

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christinesficrecs · 3 years

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Hello, i hope youre having a lovely weekend/holiday so far, i was wondering if you could rec some movie aus preferably rom-coms? Thank you and i hope you're doing all good and are healthy. Lots of love!!! x

Hey! I hope you’re having a great holiday!! Here are some rom-com au’s. Since it’s New Year’s I have an excuse to rec this fic. AGAIN! 💜

Oh baby give me one more chance (to show you that I love you) by LunaCanisLupus_22 | 54.7K | Explicit

The Sweet Home Alabama AU that nobody asked for.

The Holiday by matildajones | 16.5K

It's Christmas, Stiles is alone, and he finds himself swapping Bed & Breakfasts with Cora Hale over the holidays.

Wait by cutloosemcgoose | 23.4K | Explicit

Sitting on his couch, staring at the wall, it feels like Derek is watching his whole, miserable, lonely life flash before his eyes. He’s twenty four and he’s alone. No family, no friends, no real pack. He’s six days away from spending one of the most family-oriented holidays of the year trying to avoid any human interaction. If anyone could see him right now, they would tell him he looks pathetic. If Laura could see him right now, she would probably beat the crap of him and then tell him he’s a loser.

A Walk in the Clouds by Dexterous_Sinistrous | 13.9K

The one set during WWII where Stiles is a pregnant grad student and Derek is a PTSD riddled soldier, both of them looking for a better life.

as long as the stars are above you, i will love you by ericaismeg | 14.8K

Four years ago, Stiles started working with Mr. Hale, and in that time, he's never hated another person as much. Suddenly, he's being pulled into a meeting room and being asked about their engagement or else Mr. Hale will be deported. Stiles can't afford to lose Derek now, so off to Beacon Hills they go for his grandmother's 90th birthday.

Oh boy, pretending to be engaged to the boss he's hated for years is going to be tough, especially when he realizes he doesn't hate him at all. Not one little bit.

The Rest of Your Life by paradis | 4.1K

“Seemed like a buttercream guy,” Stiles says innocently, and grabs two forks and pours two huge glasses of milk. They eat in silence and when Stiles finishes his mouth is filled with the too-sweet taste of peanut butter icing and chocolate cake, and he’s full, but he feels good, too. He stares at Derek, who’s licking his lips after his last bite of cake. “I think I’m probably not straight,” he says suddenly. And Derek says, “I ripped down the whole top floor of the house this morning thinking about Laura.”

A High School Cliché. by halelujah | 2.8K

“Are you the one that played a porno in the Principal’s office?” A gruff voice asks.

“Depends if you’re the one that threw a dumbbell through a window.” He drawls, not bothered in moving from his comfy spot.

Just Like Heaven by skargasm | 23.4K | Mature

Derek Hale is a recently widowed architect moving into a new apartment in Beacon Hills. But the apartment isn’t entirely empty: it’s haunted by the ghost of a man called Stiles. And although Stiles can’t remember much about his life, he’s convinced he isn’t really dead. While Derek recruits Kira, an absent-minded psychic, to get to the bottom of Stiles’ identity, he and Stiles begin to fall in love.

Easy Alpha by interropunct | 4.6K

Easy A/Teen Wolf AU. Wherein, Derek Hale is the high school hussy, Jackson and Scott really need to learn to use their inside voices. And, contrary to popular belief, everyone is still a virgin.

He's Just Knot That Into You by aggybird | 3.6K | Mature

Stiles doesn't have much luck finding Mr. Right, and Derek the bartender hears all about it.

Seen that wild blue yonder (let's hide under the covers) by dearericbittle (dutchmoxie) | 25.9K | Explicit

Weatherman Stiles doesn’t have time for a relationship. So when his friend and neighbor uneasily tells him that he’s thinking about dating again, but he doesn’t feel ready yet, the solution seems obvious. Friend sex. Obviously.

Or: 5 times Derek asks Stiles about the weather, and one time he doesn’t need to ask.

The Proposal by Firenation | 17.9K | Explicit

Stiles Stilinski is the long-suffering assistant of Derek Hale, editor extraordinaire. Also jackass extraordinaire.

The Proposal AU where Stiles has to get engaged to his terrifying boss Derek in order to prevent him being deported. And somehow has to persuade his family that they're really in a relationship (stop laughing, Scott). Difficult doesn't even cover it.

I See Your Face Before Me by jezziejay | 9.2K

While Stiles was studying in New York, Scott moved to LA and found a new co-bestie. Stiles can't wait to meet him. The feeling, however, is far from mutual.

AU piece, based somewhat around one of the stories in the movie Love Actually. The end especially.

tumescent by kellifer_fic | 9.3K

"I would have to want to date Derek for your plan to work," Stiles points out, secure in the knowledge that his logic is infallible and yes, he's had a pointless and soul-destroying crush on Derek for as long as he can remember but nobody knows that.

I'll Love You Still in Hell by talktowater | 10.7K | Explicit

Stiles has always had these dreams where he was drowning, they were just dreams, really fucking horrible dreams but just dreams nevertheless. Right?

Seriously, it's like you're photoshopped. by nevermetawolf | 8K

"Oh my god," Stiles squeaks out again. "You're unbelievable."

Hot Bar Guy bobs his head agreeably. "I've been told that before, though usually people are more out of breath and less clothed when they say it."

Or, the Crazy, Stupid, Love AU nobody asked for.

A Lifetime of Laughter by the_problem_with_stardust | 15.4K | Mature

“Are you serious? Who in their right mind would marry me?”

“Well, you’re – you know – you.”

“Thanks. That clears everything up.”

The Beacon Hills version of a Proposal AU

We Pick Ourselves Undone | 24K

Derek Hale has been cursed with a wolf-like face since birth, which he can only be cured of by marrying a fellow high-society blueblood. Derek has little hope of ever finding anyone he can stand, or who can stand his face, until he meets Stiles, and his carefully-maintained isolation is completely upset.

#asks #sterek fics #ficrecs #rom coms #crossovers #movie fusions #holiday rom coms #blindedbyziam

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goblinconceivable · 3 years

Text

oh ffs, i have feels but also head exploded

So basically someone liked a story I wrote a million years ago and mostly forgotten about, and when that happens I often reread the thing. (I can’t be the only one who does that...) Can’t say I’ve thought about Alex/Izzie since I wrote it, couldn’t even tell you when I stopped watching the show, though I think it was before her cancer.

Anyway I infected myself with feels for them again. And I dig the style I was using, 1+1 started a third chapter for funsies and should have stopped there. Because I did some reading and watched some clips and it’s all too much and when that happens I meta.

Usual mishmash, structure desired but no work put into achieving it. Classic brain dump.

Okay, fundamentals first. I am for now ignoring how Izzie/KH left the show. Because they had to exit her somehow and I’m sure Shonda was pissed at her, (or was leaving the door open for her return but I doubt it.) Haven’t seen it, if I needed to I could work it into my conception of their whole arc, but since I’m more critically hung up before that point, not worrying about it.

What’s got me messed up is that RIGHT AFTER Izzie promised to not go crazy, she... went crazy. Like, WTF was that about? I get that GA is all about the soapy drama, that is why I stopped watching. First couple seasons: brilliant. Downhill from there. But two things:

1) We never get to see these two happily together. One hot second and bam.*** Every. Time. Shonda allowed it for Meredith and Derek, but in my brain other couples got it for periods of time at the least. But these two, nope. And know what? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FASCINATING TO WATCH. I could delve into this and might swing back around but trying to hit highlights.

2) It set them on two different storylines instead of one. And Izzie got the short stick. Yes I can see how it works on paper, but not on screen. There are limits to the visual medium and limits to how much screen time they were given, which pretty much destroy the ability to nuance something this complex.

a) Izzie’s in her own world dealing with a ghost and is basically in two relationships at once (mental note to look for parallels with Alex’s exit and Jo v Izzie.) Except one’s a dream and the other is a reality that is still developing, yet she can’t give attention to. She has to fight every time to be there for Alex in the real world, and we don’t really get to explore her struggle. It often just looks like distraction and distance and him being second right after she firmly laid out that she cares about him.

b) Alex is in a relationship and is super happy and excited and wants the perfection he’s dreamed about to be real so much he’s overlooking everything that’s off. In his own little dream world I guess, but like, the whole thing skews into this being the story of Alex while Izzie is wandering in circles somewhere over in that direction, all serving the purpose of advancing exploration and development of Alex’s character. When did KH ask to be let out? If it was after this point, Shonda svcks. I mean, it is cool to watch him really blossom, but since he’s doing it under his own steam I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth. Because he’s not really in a real relationship. I want to see him get that, I want to see it for real.

***What IS interesting, I’ll admit, is that when they’re not together, they’re beautiful. Which is most of the time, so they gave me that. I’m a massive fan of the bittersweet, the star crossed, the never-quite-on-the-same-page, the nuance, the “it’s a deeper connection, a deeper love than just romance.” Thank gosh, it is time for excited thoughts. Because there is a strong friendship and mutual reliance and helping each other grow, pushing and giving hard truths and encouragement, and yes romance is woven through this but not the genesis and used more in terms of nudging everything along the path.

I love that Alex basically imprints on Izzie. I love that he loves her the whole time. But he’s willing to step back. He may get jealous and resentful and petty and scared and mean. But those are natural human emotions, Izzie gets them too, and they’re fundamental to his character and through those things he learns and grows. Izzie doesn’t make him. She entices him. Yeah, often directs him, especially at first. But at some point he’s growing on his own, in fits and starts, in reaction to his own emotions.

For example, when Izzie tells him she slept with George, he gets pissed, but also admits why pretty readily. And he tells her the truth, remarkably straightforwards. He reaches out to her a lot. And she turns him aside a lot. And he keeps loving. Even if romance is off the table. He runs after her a lot. Sits next to her when she’s upset a lot. Is understanding a lot. He’s different with her, and look I’m a fangirl, it’s a trope, I swallow bait line and hook. Which should be bait hook and line if my vague understanding of fishing is correct. I fished once, with safety implements, and still cried even as they removed the fish and popped it back into the water. (Okay I just reread to sort out where I’d gotten too and it’s hook line and sinker. Statistically someone will probably read this someday, you have my full permission to laugh at me. Anyway...)

The quintessential moment, the revved to 100, of course being when Izzie is clinging to a dead Denny. They’re all standing around. No one even looks surprised with jilted Alex talks to her. In a really caring way. And this is still fairly early on, wasn’t watching anything but their scenes but this had to be rare sight eh? (Mebbe?) And then he picks her up and sits down holding her and she clings and cries and like symbolism and could essay that but not going to right now because the broad relevant stroke is that Alex loves Izzie selflessly. And this is the pinpoint core of why I can buy his ending, because he can’t NOT love Izzie. I don’t think he even wants to stop. Though he can set it down in his heart and let her go and doesn’t pine. But he never stops loving her and it’s so many kinds of love imperfectly yet perfecly forged.

Forged. But also born. Stars uncrossed. I have emotions without words and if I try I’ll never get out of it to move on, so moving on.

(Oh, George telling Alex to talk to Izzie because she won’t talk to him about whatever it was. Isn’t is crazy that Izzie’s emotional squishy bestie goes to the emotionally stunted bad boy to help her because... it’s an understanding of the two-way Izzie/Alex bond, but also this crazy trust that Alex will show up.)

I love that Izzie isn’t blind to his faults, truly doesn’t like his faults, but has eternal faith for who he is and can be. She always saw him as someone with walls, once she stumbled on a lose stone and got a glimpse inside. She knows. She doesn’t always understand, but she knows.

Slight divergence from that line of thought, but its a great moment when they get together and he’s fairly transparently trying to make sure they’re in a committed relationship by dangling other women in front of her, and she’s a little ticked that he seems to be taking it rudely casually. Probably a bit of insecurity, but I’d say more that she has a long history of not reading him from the perspective of him loving her. Ie, 100% not recognizing that telling him about sleeping with George would hurt him. And doesn’t get it until he comes in and he’s dropped the swagger and it’s a “I know I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know how to do it right so help me” thing.

(Random memories of Sloan/Don from The Newsroom when she’s crying on the floor and Don comes in a sits next to her. I wuvs them too.)

I love that she openly leans on him, when he offers support she takes it. She doesn’t ask why, she accepts it and leans into it and is open to it because she trusts him because she knows him. The bits where she hates him tend to fall out of romantic issues, but when that’s removed from the equation they’re in sync. And the thing is, just as caring is fundamental to Alex’s nature, trust is fundamental to Izzie’s. And those two things weave into each other. Kinda like rats and the food button. When Alex reaches out Izzie she honestly accepts it, a “reward.” So he’s comfortable doing it again, and again. And when she does rebuff him he’s seen rewards come out enough that he doesn’t just scatter. And when Izzie trusts him, he rewards her with gentleness and care. She has the rougher time of it overall, because Alex is more screwed up emotionally, and breaks her trust more often than she rebuffs him, but that’s where Alex’s constant love comes in. But I cannot recall enough critical moments to have a cohesive proof, so I could be a little off base.

In my head Alex has always loved Izzie more than Izzie loves him, but I think my memory was unfair. There is a real constancy to Izzie’s affection, though I don’t think she imprinted on Alex as he did on her. She’s a different person, loves differently, has different issues. But my longstanding impression is mostly because of Denny. Who she truly did love, though the qualities of that love deserve exploration which I will not at this time attempt. And Denny loved her. The whole “side loves along the way” being a trope. Though usually “it ended in death/deathlike state” is given to the man and so THANK YOU SHONDA. Thinking of classics like Jane Eyre and Rebecca though I think both were actually crazypants first wives. And I do think female character’s side guys have a habit of dying, but it tends to feel more like a plot point to shut the door on continued love, whereas Denny remains a part of Izzie’s life.

At any rate, despite superficial similarities, Alex doesn’t hit the trope because his crazypants relationship wasn’t ever really about the woman: yep Alex got Rebecca, and Rebecca was crazypants, and it was a plot point to get him to the crying. Rebecca wasn’t love. It was never love. BUT

She DID, in every way, highlight what needed to be highlighted. 1) That he desperately wants a family. 2) that caring for someone, not just about them, is fundamental to him, (and ties neatly into him caring for Izzie all those sitting on the floor conversations.) and c) it’s not entirely healthy. Which is ALSO why thrusting his new happy relationship with Izzie into caregiver role is insensitive and undermines the relationship because it only makes sense if we got to see them both happy in the relationship first. And then we can see the quality of his caregiving change. But we didn’t. So bugger it.

I do LOVE how they let almost the whole next season play out he fallout of all that. Something taken slowly! We got to explore it. Did feel a bit drawn out tbh. But it just emphasizes the weight of it, I guess. Especially as it was a subplot amongst 100 others. This was their development for the season. Which was mostly Alex. But Izzie’s reactions revealed some things about her as well. Majorly dancing around laying it out for a close look and I don’t know why.

Favourite moment? Maybe Izzie putting her hand on Alex’s chest when he’s freaking out and telling him to stop, he doesn’t need to say any more. Because he’s trying to convince her of something, and she understands. And the trying to convince is shredding him, and she knows that. It’s a very loving and accepting “stop.” She’d already taken charge of the situation, for the good of the patient. She’d already taken charge because she knew Alex couldn’t handle it, he was too deep in something to see clearly. And she’s still in charge. She doesn’t break down and cry for him, or try to comfort him, he’s been thrown back into childhood and PTSD might literally be at play and what he needs, and she understands, is someone he can trust, who’s calm and gentle but strong and solid, to say it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to carry this on your own. We have it now. Because when we’re little and in over our heads what we want and what we need is an adult to take the burden. And still the physical contact is comforting, her tone of voice reassuring. She creates a space where he can feel safe and heard.

Ugh, rewatching, and we’re watching him literally devolve. Stages of grief ya’ll. He’s using every tactic to try and get what he thinks he needs: being able to take care of Rebecca. He’s in denial that anything is wrong. He gets angry when Izzie grabs him, to the point of threatening to hit her (though it’s fighting words and not real threat, and Izzie totally knows that.) He dives into bargaining. She’ll be okay if he can take care of her. He can do it. He tries to convince her it’s true.

By the time he gets home it’s depression. Not just Rebecca, but about his mom. And Izzie approaches him differently. In the hospital it was immediate and she was “in charge,” and needed to be in all facets, but at home, with the situation taken care of, she’s a friend. An equal. Which is what he needs right now. His sticking point later is the crying, so I kinda wonder how he’d react just to having told her about taking care of his mom as a kid. Right at the start he told that kid about his dad, (dad beating up his mom and him beating up his dad) while Izzie was within listening distance and didn’t seem fussed. But it’s ultimately a story about him being manly and protecting his mom physically. Which would be why it’s several seasons in before this crops up - waaay more intimate information. Probably all lumped into one, with the crying as shorthand. And mostly that his past is a fact, it’s his emotions he wants to keep private and deny.

He clearly did try to drown his emotions with sex. I’m not sure it would have worked with a random girl because he’s way too close to crying to do much of anything. And obviously doesn’t work with Izzie because sex is apparently emotional intimacy and I guess comfort for men moreso than women, but it plays out as a desperate attempt to get comfort in a safer way. Bargaining again, I suppose. “Have sex and will be fine tomorrow.” But, as noted, he doesn’t get that far because it’s too heavy and he rather quickly is just sobbing.

Which is a lovely parallel to holding Izzie while she cried on him after Denny died. Though Izzie had no qualms and no massive emotional recoil because emotions and vulnerability are normalized for females Izzie is a particularly emotional person. And an inverse of all the times Izzie is an emotional wreck and Alex sits down besides her and offers her support and understanding.

Could also argue that Izzie just saying “I’m sorry... About Rebecca. And your mom” - it’s an emotionally intimate moment. Of understanding. She’s acknowledging the two situations, and isn’t trying to do anything about them, explain or push or anything else. Just make him feel understood and not alone and sex is the way he can respond to that. How to process that in a way that feels manly to him? Also notably Izzie does seem to be going with it, and it’s aborted because he starts sobbing. And is still saying “Please” which is amazing, because he totally was never asking Izzie to just sleep with him. He wants to make it stop - the pain, emotions, probably reliving memories. But also... stages of grief. He needs to feel it, so he can accept it. He really just needs to cry, and grieve, and not be alone.

And it’s like... this is where their love story feels epic because it would look so different if they didn’t have all the levels and layers of love. Take out the romantic/sexual aspect. Take out the friendship. The trust. The family. Take out anything and this can’t play out.

Who didn’t love moments like Alex explaining to Bernedette Peters that men sometimes need to protect their manliness in the eyes of the woman they love. And they’ll do shit things to protect that manliness, but it’s because they care. Which is obviously idiotic and while romantic on screen is very much not so in real life, but this is fiction so hey ho. It’s such a wonderful foil. Because the situation here was not that Alex took his pain elsewhere to protect Izzie’s opinion, but that Alex completely and for a long time shut Izzie out to protect his manliness, which is entirely counterproductive but the only option he could see. He minimizes his experience as a “bad night.” (I mean, if you remove all the adjectives, he’s not wrong.) He’s protecting his own sense of manliness to himself. He doesn’t like feeling that vulnerable. He let Izzie get too close. He’s afraid. It’s all a tangle. And it pays off when they come back together and he’s willing to be more vulnerable, almost, and then enthusiastically, happy to be.

*But it does reference when he slept with Olivia when he failed his boards. So yeah, he’s done it literally too.

Backing up a step to revisit season 5. And actually they start out close. They’re all out in the cold waiting to greet patients and Alex grabs a blanket for her. He’s not irritated that Izzie keeps asking how he’s doing, just obviously in a bit of personal denial. And they’re totally messing around and lighthearted and look at each other with their heads really close and it begs some questions about the interim, though I guess they just haven’t talked about it deeper than “are you okay.” And per the Izzie/Meredith convo I guess they didn’t continue having sex (probably didn’t have sex that night either). Though the way Izzie looks at him as he leaves, she’s totally concerned that he’s not dealing with it.

Ah yes, forgot - so they just kept his breakdown unremarked upon, the superficial checking in is situational because Rebecca is a fact. They don’t talk about it, it’s fine. Pretending it did not happen. But it’s as soon as Alex thinks Izzie told Meredith about it that it goes pear shaped. It’s funny that his issue is the crying and he’s the one that told Meredith, but thematically Izzie saying “he’s opening up to me” is sorta the same. Also awww that even as she labels them friends, there’s this little glow inside her that they got closer. Emotional intimacy, what’s life without it eh?

So also 100% it’s high on Alex’s mind. That he did it, and so too that Izzie could betray him and tell others. Their relationship is so beautifully fragile in that short interim. It’s this little bubble where he’s okay that he was vulnerable with Izzie because she accepted it and isn’t making a big deal about it. And he does feel super close to her. But he can’t take anyone else seeing him in a non-manly light. For himself, and it works in terms of Izzie too if it’s an inside/outside situation. I’m a bit stuck and going in circles. If Izzie tells, then Izzie isn’t taking it seriously? Doesn’t understand him? I don’t think he’s even angry at her, if he looks weak to others then she’ll come to see him as weak? Halp, stuck.

Also so, I’ve seen it remarked upon that Izzie tends to forgive Alex when she maybe shouldn’t. But part of forgiveness can come from understanding the other person. Doesn’t have to be, especially for little stuff. But for big stuff?

Oh, and so weird but kinda cool that right after that rather self-aware conversation with Peters, he specifically lets Izzy see him with another woman. Were those scenes meant to be inverted? Or is he going into this eyes wide open? Trying to prove something? He’s hurting her though, is it intentional? Because cheating, by nature, is secretive, your person doesn’t know so you’re not hurting them directly, though of course when they find out it blows up. But the intention to wound is not there, it’s an escape. Proving that he’s really fine and back to his old self? They are not sleeping together so this isn’t cheating.

And even after that Izzy just shrugged it off. Popped in to tell him they maybe are getting kicked out, tries to get an apartment with him. She’s holding on to their closeness and friendship, despite him being prickly. And then... he smacks her or whatever they were doing which is back to flirty, and not meaningful but notably guides her out of the elevator before him. Though her barb about STD did hit him. Maybe he was trying to figure out how to stop being rude at her, and her continued friendliness was bufffer space until he could? He does say hello at the end, but who was she talking to about having no one?

It does bring up an interesting insight. It is true bout not something I thought about, that Izzie could be lonely, and actually does get as much out of their relationship as Alex ever did. They are incredibly close. And I think George might be married at this point, and thus no longer her “person”?

And then into the cryptic speak about them, while the father/son organ musical chair thing was happening. He’s looking over his shoulder at her, glances up, unspoken words yadda yadda. Follows her out into the hall when she leaves. The freeze out is shorter than I remember, but look, they kinda always keep communicating because freeze outs do not feel right. And I’ve moved to a blow by blow but Alex is trying to talk profession, and Izzie doublespeaks the “emotionally stunted” and he physically recoils and stutters like “yeah but no, that’s not what we’re talking about” and yet is now there and talking about them too. “Okay, ... I”m trying to be- I am, but this” WHAT is he trying to be/is??? Trying to not be emotionally stunted. Is emotionally stunted (or doubling down on trying?)

This is just such a beautiful conversation. Because Izzie IS emotional and caring but she has a mean backhand. Pettiness, ultimatum, she can smack back as hard as anyone smacks her. And she’s coming from a totally reasonable place, because he’s going hot and cold on her. And you can see that it affects him, and that falls out from that same pattern where he’s trying to tell her somehing and she’s not putting in a ton of effort to figure out what he’s saying, but is focused on her own needs and thoughts. ‘Cuz she’s hearing something like “give it up, you’re not going to get what you want out of me.” And he’s trying to say “I’m afraid I can’t be what you need, because I svck, please don’t make me try and fail.”

And they’re convo through parallels continues, Izzie calls Alex broken and is like “okay I do it your way my caring for you is pointless and it’s all fine.” Dad calls for son while kinda dying. I know they claimed different thought process but didn’t Alex call for Izzie when he was shot? And the payout from the series of exchanges: Alex is yelling at his standin to just step up and show he cares. With a hefty does of potential regret. It’s a 180, hoping that the kid does love his day, as well as getting emotionally invested. His relationship with his father isn’t mentioned, not sure if it’s meant to play into this, because he has previously acknowledged that he regrets losing his father completely.

(But then 10 seconds later she’s going to go crazy and by avoiding treatment it’s kinda like trying to kill herself and just... poor taste writers, poor taste.)

Cue a moment where Izzie knows what he’s trying to say and rewards it.

Enter Izzie being a little obtuse, I know I covered this but ending my personal cannon with them getting together - Alex literally says “are we going steady.” He’s literally saying “you tell me yes or no, and I will do that.” Of course he’s trying to say “I don’t know if you’re serious and I want to be please clarify and reassure” but one of those literal ones should have been enough. But then Izzie does always push him, not always intentionally, to be a little more direct, a little more vulnerable, trust her a little more. And the result is sooooo adorable!

And brings to mind when Izzie was trying to ask him out for the first time. And it went a tiny bit screwy and Alex flips it and asks her out.

There’s just so much awesome. *sobs* And there’s probably awesome in the cancer storyline too but I do not feel I can trust it and also it’s going to run full into Izzie being lame and leaving and all character development out the window? And I DO NOT want to see her trying to come back and Alex saying No. Because what will I see in the middle that gets them there? They always say yes. Eventually. And season 16 when JC is leaving the show is a bit on the long side, even if I ignore the details of the intervening years.

Throwing everything at the wall and maybe I’ll be done with dumping or can at least refine things. It’s the little speech I’ve only read and don’t want to hear bcause not sure how he did his line-read, but when he describes how he imagines Izzie’s life. In how much detail, how much he wants for her, what he knows she’s capable of building. He’s saying it to Jo and I’m uncomfortable with the idea he loves her, even if the letter to her does leak a “love you, in love with Izzie,” and I’m fine with Izzie loving Denny and don’t find it a problem Jo is still alive because I don’t see Alex going back but the thing where if he looks her in the eye he won’t return to Izzie and the kids is upsetting. And it’s just the kids and insta-family which is enticing. I mean, he’s not going to tell wife he’s leaving that he’s always loved his ex in a different way or anything. But he’s also not lying. He does mention to Meredith that he can’t go back to Seattle. He’d stay with Jo then out of... ? Halp. The best I got is he’s currently in a dream and if he goes back to his life, where he was happy, then he’ll lose the dream and it will disappear on him?

Slightly nicer is the elsewhere expressed (Meredith) idea that he’d set Izzie as unreachable. Thus, in line with what he told Jo, he didn’t want to contact her because he didn’t want to make it worse for himself, and his happiness comparison was completely excluding himself from the possibility of being part of Izzie’s life. It’s all happiness of them individually, not together. But yes, he always wanted to reach out, wanted to hear her voice and he never had an excuse? No excuse but curiousity, and that wasn’t enough to take a chance, but this was an excuse and he took it.

And the idea that he knows the right thing is to stay in Seattle, and being with Izzie and the kids is crazy, but it’s what makes him happiest, where he belongs. Meredith’s letter read first, so in that light, he’s overexplaining to Jo. Also exposition. References that conversation about his mental picture of Izzie, which I think was in the context of Jo questioning his feelings for Izzie. It scared him because... ? He focuses on the kids. It’s a little at odds with doing this for him, and a little suddenly ignoring the fact that he’s In Love with Izzie and I guess his mental image for Izzie was also his dream life and he gave it to her. Though where he thought her kids came from is possibly an oversight. Adoption?

Because it makes it sound like he’s torn between new and old love but the old love has is kids and wins. It’s a free pass to perfection. But he imagined a “whole life” for her, which is a massive investment opf time and emotional energy on someone he hasn’t seen in forever. I mean thinking well for an ex is al well and good but this sounds a bit beyond that, where she’s not a part of his life but a part of HIS life, believing she’s okay makes everything okay.

I am also willing to take up arms and claim that “I can’t look you in the eye because I wouldt be able to walk away...” doesn’t mean walk away from Jo, but walk away from Izzie. But that’s kinda tenuous. It just... it sounds like if he sees Jo he won’t be able to leave her, which puts her above Izzie (and even the kids, though he can still be in their lives) and that contradicts other statements, or at least their implications .

Though fair point that there’s a metric of who you’ll give up everything for. Izzie would for Denny. In a sense, I hear Meredith got her back in the Seattle hospital and she declined out of respect for Alex’s feelings. So in a way she gave up her life for Alex. And never reached out to him but did respond when he did. She picked up the phone. Maybe not knowing who it was, or they all kept their own phones. And Alex gave it all up for Izzie+kids. I want to know he’d give it all up for Izzie alone, and the life they could have had.

Or is it that he wouldn’t be able to leave Jo because, as noted to Meredith, it’s the right thing to stay in Seattle. And he’s become a man who does the right thing. And sometimes the right thing isn’t what we truly want, and to get that we have to be selfish. He one perfect thing is in Kansas. And it’s the family. It’s a family with Izzie. And his kids. It’s the whole package. If it wasn’t Izzie, the kids wouldn’t be enough? Also indicates that even with Jo was not exactly where he should be.

I’m also going with “some clues in various directions to satisfy various viewers but really offending most of them because this is all 10 years ago and people are newer viewers or forgot or hated Izzie when she left etc.” But preponderance of evidence leans in favour of this choosing what makes him happiest over what makes him happy.

ETA: he has a life for Izzie in his head because if she’s not happy, he can’t leave her where she is. He sees her as an optimist, the opposite of him and good things happen when you lean in that direction. He imagines her somewhere woody because that’s where they lived when they were married.

ETA2: Izzie didn’t notice Alex wanted to be exclusive. Because Izzie sees the good in him, but she doesn’t try to justify or explain things. She takes him at face value (mostly, she knows superficial crabbiness is just an unpleasant personality trait.) Until/unless she has very good evidence to he contrary. And THAT is why he has to take an active role and go to her. He does have to work for the relationship.

(Briefly skipped to a scene in season 6 (avoiding that season) and he actually says “I can’t be your nurse” which is so much character growth. Because I was afraid he’d gone full out into caregiver mode, which is not healthy for either of them. He’s protecting himself, but also pushing her to face up.)

CODAS

Watched Alex calling for/hallucinating Izzie when shot. Maybe it’s a Miranda thing? After freaking out right after she died, about how he can’t live without her, his breakup speech was essentially about how he realized he could survive without her. He doesn’t need her like that. And he was really hurt by the really shitty thing she did, leaving him. Thus valid conclusion that they should part ways and he’s not caught in the love/hate. But at some point after that, per hallucination conversation, he really wants her to... come back for him. To love him enough to not be able to stay away and come back for him it’s funny because the best way for her to love him was the respect his wishes and not come back. I mean she doesn’t even say anything after he asks that.

Interesting point “we married...” It’s a promise. He starts with “I’m sorry.” His breakup speech to her - rehearsed? He’s speaking from love and hate all blended and I think he’s a lot more honest and self aware, and he’s almost always been honest with Izzie. So his dying speech was also fear based? He’s scared, he’s in shock, like, physical shock. To when is his mind taking him? It’s natural to have regrets after a painful but necessary breakup. It’s been months but that’s still recent enough. So on the whole, inconclusive except yeah, he isn’t over her, but he admits during their breakup that he loves her “so much.”

Also love his “frozen together in time... and now we’re not.” They’ve both grown and changed, and so has their relationship, but there connection hasn’t. That hasn’t changed.

So back to his Izzie speech, which is meaningful intentionally as in 300th episode, where years later he was wondering still about her, enough to create a good life for her. A happy, rich and full life. He imagines it clearly and deeply enough to add smell to it. Smell is heavily linked to memory and emotion.

As happy as he is with Jo. Maybe it’s contentment? Something missing for each of them but not something he consciously knows? Meh. Back to frozen. He has an image, a full rich image of her and her life. It’s immersive but static, a snapshot. And the him who looks at that snapshot is the same him over time.

Letter to Meredith. “It’s about me.” Which is sorta back to breakup speech. It was about him, ending the relationship. He didn’t deserve to be left. And this is about him, not leaving Izzie+kids. There’s movement and beauty in this.

Meredith/Alex talking true love. So I’m torn. Jo refused his proposal, and the question is if you only get one true love. Did he think Jo was a true love, and if she refuses him it’s not? Or is he hoping that true love happens after they’re married? Given the constancy of his love for Izzie, from fairly early on, even if he didn’t call it that at the time I’m pretty sure it’s indisputedly much earlier than marriage, and she turned him down all the time, which would forestall true love worse, right? Can’t say as I’m not watching any Jo/Alex, cannot will not no need don’t gotta.

#alex x izzie #grey's anatomy #brain dump #meta #why couldn't i just leave well enough alone #and mess around with a vignette for funsies and a writing exercise #and not actually look at canon #because now i have feels #and am confused #and there are barriers to my feels #but it's okay i will live in my own little AU #and remember and know more than i did #given it was many many many years ago #i mean over 13 #right after season 4 started #izzex

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puckngrind · 4 years

Text

What’s In a Name: 5 - J. Toews

Chapter 5

Where we left off: Jon and the Blackhawks won the 2015 Stanley Cup and he elects to celebrate with Bekah at home vs. going out on the town.

Warnings: smut, language

Word Count: 3,405 (felt way longer when I wrote it)

Series Masterlist ) Puck ‘n Grind’s masterlist

Titles.

It’s hard to title something when you just don’t know what to call it or admit to it honestly. Bekah loved watching Jon and his team regain the title of champions. It gave him this energy as they enjoyed the time they spent together. Bekah was nervous when Jon told her his family was going to come over. They decided having dinner in was better than out since the entire city was electrified after the win. With that his family came over for dinner the night after the win but everyone kept the conversation more to the week’s plans of celebrating and not Jon and Bekah’s connection. Bekah wondered if Jon asked them not to discuss it or was it just not an issue for them? She observed the Toews family more than anything.

A phone call changed all that was planned when Bekah had to leave before the city celebrations for the cup. Jon knew he couldn’t beg her to stay when her boss called needing her back early and gave her the vacation days back times two. Bekah promised to use them all on him as she kissed him hard before heading into Midway and back to Ohio. Her presence was missed as he hoisted the cup for the thousands of fans who lined the streets and packed into Soldier Field. With so many eyes on him he really only wanted hers right there next to him. Then just like that he was back home in Winnipeg and their text and phone conversations continued like normal.

By the end of the summer, Jon and Bekah were laying in bed in his Chicago home when they decided just not to label it. The months between her leaving after the cup and his training camp starting they found a few times to see each other. He made a couple trips to Columbus on the way to or from vacations and work requirements. Bekah found herself on a plane a few times for a weekend in Chicago when he was there. He mentioned his days with the cup but then dropped it after she started talking about a major project. He also wondered if the spotlight of his career was part of it. He never spoke the words to her but it was almost constantly in the back of his mind. They enjoyed the time together but their lives didn’t quite mesh once the season started and they both knew it.

What the two couldn’t deny was that the sex was amazing and the friendship they built was different than any relationship they had with anyone else. Bekah was a complete open book with Jon. He knew the completely unfiltered Bekah even more than her own family or even Brynn. Jon confided in her in ways even he was shocked by sometimes. She wasn’t caught up in the fame of his world and venting about all of it seemed easier with her. Yet, at the end of the day, being in a defined relationship just wasn’t realistic so they decided friendship was perfectly fine.

Finding time throughout the season was rough. It added to the fact that a friendship would be the only thing that would work. Bekah had a big project for Christmas and Jon had the flu during All-star break. The timing just didn’t work and the tension was felt by both once the end of the season rolled in.

Jon: are you coming to the game tonight?

The Blue Jackets were playing the Blackhawks and Bekah was already at Brynn’s waiting for her to go.

Bekah: Maybe...

Jon: are you wearing your CBJ sweater or mine?

Bekah: I said maybe, Tae.

Jon: I know you are coming. I just need to know if I need to look for that stupid thirds sweater or the far superior one you own.

Bekah pulls her lip into her teeth to contain the smile.

Jon: that’s mine. I think you know what I’m hoping to see 😉

“That’s Jon isn’t it?” Brynn emerged from her bedroom with her self-deemed lucky Blue Jackets sweatshirt on. “Are you telling him you are betraying our friendship and wearing that?” Brynn’s face contorts looking at her best friend in a Blackhawks jersey curled up on her couch.

“Rin!” Bekah huffs out.

“What? Our team....excuse me, my team needs as much cheering as possible. It’s been a rough season and today is our last game and Chicago already made the playoffs,” she gives her bestie a sly smile, “but I get it.” Brynn flutters around her home before finally getting in Bekah’s car.

Bekah’s phone buzzes as her and Brynn enter Nationwide Arena.

Jon: I’m skating during warmups but I’m a healthy scratch. Just don’t want you to worry.

Bekah cusses and Brynn looks over and mouths what?

“Well, maybe I should have worn something else?” Bekah flashes the text to Brynn as they walk.

“Greeeeaaattt. They are resting him because this game doesn’t matter. He will be in the press box then.” Brynn points up as they stand at the top of their section.

Warmups start and Bekah crosses her legs tight when Jon’s eyes meet hers. It had been months since the two saw each other in person and while she thought the desire to be under him was gone, by the look on both of their faces you could tell that just wasn’t true.

“You two are eye fucking each other with an audience.” Brynn whispers into Bekah’s ear.

“What? No. Rin. We are friends.” Bekah feels the flush coming to her cheeks.

“Friendship my ass...” Brynn says under her breath as the teams skate off.

Jon: I can see you, Beks

Bekah: what? When you were on the ice?

Jon: Now. I might be in the rafters but you are in a sea of blue with my jersey on. Still looks smokin’ hot on you.

Jon: from every angle 😉

Jon sends a picture of Bekah and Brynn from his seat. Bekah turns around and looks up. She can see the top of his head leaning out the box.

Bekah: I see you too.

Jon: Can I see you tonight please?

Bekah: I guess.

Jon: I’ll meet you in the lobby after the game.

“I’m guessing I’m riding home with Derek?” Brynn leans into Bekah at the end of the game.

“Yeah.” Bekah feels the warmth return to her cheeks.

The game ended and Bekah found herself standing in the Blackhawks team hotel’s lobby waiting for Jon. Pacing and attempting to take in the surroundings. She was glad she had a decent t-shirt on under her jersey because looking like a fan girl waiting for the team was not a look she was going for. Especially after how long it had been since she was face to face with Jon without plexiglass between them.

“Hey Beks.” Jon’s voice whispers from behind her. She jumps and turns.

“Tae! Long time, no see.” She goes to hug him and he catches her lips in his with his hands on her face. Releasing her face he slides one of his hands into hers and leads Bekah up to his room.

Jon pinned her to the door as he locked it in place. “Sorry I didn’t play tonight.” Jon sucks on the spot behind Bekah’s ear.

“Sorry your team didn’t win.” Bekah laughs as she runs her hands up the inside of his suit coat. Pulling at his shirt.

“Well it looked like your team lost from your outfit choice. Speaking of, where is it?” Jon pulls his finger along the collar of Bekah’s shirt.

“In my car. Didn’t want to seem like a fan girl waiting for you in the lobby or...what do they call the girls who just want to sleep with the players?”

“Bunnies. And damnit Beks, you are not any of those things that’s for sure.” Jon lifts Bekah up by her thighs and she whimpers.

“It’s been awhile Jon...” Bekah whispers in his ear her voice unsteady.

“I know. I’ve missed you and this.” He doesn’t let up pressing her against the door.

“I mean you are the last man I’ve slept with.” Bekah admits biting at her lip. Jon leans back to look her in the eyes. Her hazel green eyes looking for something.

“You think you aren’t the last woman I’ve been with?” Jon kisses her lips then pulls back making sure she’s hearing the words he’s saying. “Beks. I’ve only slept with you since the All-Star game in 15.”

“Seriously? But we aren’t...” Jon kisses her lips in desperation.

“Beks. Yes.” He kisses her again and she moans in his mouth. “Can we please get undressed? I’ve been fantasizing about this moment for way too long.” Jon carries Bekah to the bed and undresses her slowly. Taking time to praise her body and kiss every inch of exposed skin. Bekah does the same as he hovers above her. Loving the way that Jon’s muscles tighten under her touch. The connection between them is undeniable. Words no longer needed to find the perfect spot. The night is long and slow taking their time and enjoying each climax together.

“When does your playoff games start?” Bekah whispered as Jon spooned her.

“Uh...in a few days.” Jon kisses the shell of her ear. “Can we talk about this?” Jon’s fingers graze the left side of Bekah’s rib cage where the words Always yours were tattooed in a half cursive half print text. “This is definitely new.”

“Oh, um....yeah. I got a tattoo. Do you hate it?” Bekah’s fingers find Jon’s and interlaces hers with his as he continues to rub over the words.

“I like it. What’s it mean? If you want to share.” Jon pulls Bekah’s body further into his.

“I found an old birthday card from my grandpa around Christmas. He use to always sign my cards always yours, Gramps. That’s his handwriting.” Bekah spoke softly.

“That’s really special Beks. I’m just surprised you didn’t tell me.” Jon kisses her temple.

“You were thinking you were dying of the flu then pissed you sat out a game because of said flu. And then I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Oh hey. If we ever have sex again I have a tat.” Bekah winces bringing back her thoughts that have plagued her brain for most of the beginning of 2016.

“Well I’ve been thinking the same thing about if we’d be here again honestly. Minus the new ink part of course.” Jon admitted.

Their conversation continued until both fell asleep with their bodies intertwined. The next morning Jon was sitting on the bed when Bekah woke up.

“Babe, we gotta get going. I have a bus then plane to catch.” His lips graze hers.

“Sorry. Someone kept me up all night.” She stretches out her arms and wraps them around his neck.

“Yeah, wasn’t as tired just watching the game.” Jon chuckles. “Let’s get ya to your car and I’ll see you in a few weeks?”

The Blackhawks playoff run was short lived. They lost in seven. Bekah picks up her phone at the end of game 7.

Bekah: Text when you want to talk.

A few hours later she got a response.

Jon: Thanks Beks.

She didn’t hear from him all week and she didn’t text him again trying to give him space. Brynn tried to get her to go out for drinks after work but all Bekah wanted to do was curl up and watch mindless television. Pulling into her parking spot she noticed a man in the car next to her. Not really looking she got her bag and headed towards her door.

“Beks?” Jon’s voice echoed off the wall. She slowly turned around to see Jon standing with a bag slung over his shoulder about 10 yards from her.

“Holy shit! What are you doing here?” Bekah clutched her chest realizing how startled he made her.

“Uh...I went to the airport to head home and changed my ticket.” Jon closes the distance.

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” She smacks at his chest and he captures her hand in place. “I haven’t heard from you since Monday.” Her eyes meet his and they were soft but intense.

“Sorry.” Was all he said but his face said there was more.

“Come in. If I knew you were coming I would have stocked my fridge for ya.” Bekah turns the key and they both kick off their shoes. Jon removes his bag and places it on the bench next to the entryway.

“It’s okay. We can order in or go out or whatever.”

“How long are you staying?” Bekah heads back to her room and Jon trails behind her sitting on her bed as she heads to the closet.

“Monday morning flight. I have some things to take care of at home. Plus Mom wants to celebrate my birthday.”

“Oh when is your birthday? I don’t think you’ve ever told me.” Bekah leans out of her closet pulling on one of Jon’s old shirts she kept.

“Um...today.” Jon admits.

“Jonathan Bryan Toews...TODAY is your birthday! Well we are going out for dinner. Hold on.” Bekah returns to her closest and finds a dress that is flirty but not too fancy and re-emerges.

“Damn Beks. I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress before.” Jon stands and wraps her up in his arms.

“Well, we don’t exactly see each other with clothes on frequently.” Bekah smirks up at him.

“True. So where are you taking me?” Jon kisses her lightly.

“Hmmmm. Oh! The Guild House! It’s newer and I’ve never been. Plus I’m sure your face can get us in if there is a wait.” Bekah rubs Jon’s freshly shaved face and pats. “28 looks good on ya Tae.”

“Thanks Babe, I’m starving. Let’s go.” Jon pulls Bekah under his arm and the two make their way to the Short North.

Dinner was easy and they easily slipped back into their comfortable rhythm. Bekah got annoyed when Jon refused to let her see or pay for the bill. He just laughed it off.

“I know why you love this city.” Jon looks around as the they made their way back to his rental. “It’s a big city but feels very small town too.”

“Best of both worlds really.” Bekah smiles watching Jon explore a part of the city he’s never been. “Chicago is amazing but you know that.”

“Yeah.” Jon breathes out as they reach the car.

By the time they hit Bekah’s door their need for each other was felt. Jon presses his body against Bekah and wraps his arm around her abdomen holding her it him as she struggles to get the key in the door. His breath hot on her neck. “Tae, you are getting birthday sex just let me get the door open please!” She looked up at him as his eyes danced.

“Birthday sex eh?” He let his hand go from her stomach and backs up a little.

“Go ahead and head to my room. I need some water. Need anything?” Bekah kisses him.

“Only you.” Jon smirks and kisses her forehead as he retreats to her room. Bekah felt the blush in her cheeks as she got a glass of ice water and walked into her room. Jon was comfortably laying in his boxer briefs and carefully moved her larger colorful pillows off the bed. “Those are new yes?” He eyes the pile and back to Bekah who was placing the water on her nightstand.

“Yes. They usually take of up that side of the bed.” She points where Jon is laying. And his eyebrow shoots up but he doesn’t say anything as Bekah pulls her dress over her head and climbs in next to Jon. He kisses her with his hand holding her in place. She breaks for air. “Do you trust me?”

“With everything Beks.” He whispers and she wiggles out of his grip, toes over to her dresser and opens her top dresser drawer pulling out one of his ties. “How do you have that?” His eyebrow raises.

“It’s yours. You left it at one point.” She smirks climbing in and straddling Jon. She leans down and kisses him hard. His breath hitches. “Ready birthday boy? No touching.” He nods and she ties the tie around his eyes. Kissing down his chest she eyes her water and reaches for a piece of ice. Lightly touching it to Jon’s chest.

“Woah. Fuck. That’s cold Babe.” He jumps and she laughs.

“My hockey man doesn’t like the cold? Odd...” she moves the ice down the center of his chest and his muscles retract in it’s wake. Jon mumbles something above her head. “You good there Tae?” He nods his head and Bekah takes in his clenched jaw and hands tightly gripped on pillow. Tracing his abs with the ice she licks and kisses the trail. Jon panting and his hips jolt up. Bekah hums as she works her way to his waistband and she slowly pulls down his briefs settles her self between his legs. Placing the remaining ice in her mouth she starts kissing up his thigh then kisses his tip. Jon jolts and swears as she slides her mouth over him.

“Damn that’s so hot but also very fucking cold Beks.” Jon huffs out. “Can I touch you yet?” He’s breathless with his request.

“Is that what the birthday boy wants?” She licks up his length and takes in how unglued he has become under her.

“Yes. Very much so.” She slides up his body and loosens the tie. Jon grabs her hand and removes it while leaning up to kiss her. “My turn!” He grunts and flips Bekah onto the mattress. Removing her bra and panties with ease, Jon eyes Bekah’s glass. He pulls an ice cube from it and places the cube in his mouth. Starting at her nipples, Bekah’s body jolts with the sensation. Jon hums in the satisfying way she moves under him. He drops the ice cube between her breast and follows with his tongue as it slides down her body then keeps going down to her core. Sucking hard eliciting moans with every move he makes. Forgetting the ice on her navel, Jon moves his body back up and kisses Bekah passionately as he slides deep inside her. Finally letting go of their built up highs and praising each other as they come down from the overstimulation.

“Happy birthday Captain.” Bekah breathes out trying to catch her breath.

“Maybe I would call you Captain after that Beks.” Jon laughs as he kisses her temple.

“Funny Tae.” She buries her face in his chest. “I’m gonna need to change the sheet. You melted an ice cube on my stomach.” Bekah giggles as she feels the wet below her hip.

“Or just roll over.” Jon moves her body with ease and kisses the top of her head as she’s on his chest. “Come to Sedona with me this summer.” Jon whispers.

“What?” She says in his chest.

“We’ve both talked about how we love hiking and well...I have a trip planned before Worlds...and you should come with me.”

“Uh...Jon.” Bekah sits up and slides off him.

“Yes Beks.” His voices is soft as he brushes her hair out of her face.

“Jon, what are we?” Bekah leans further away from him to look deep into his brown eyes.

“What kind of question is that?” Jon’s nose scrunches up.

“Well we clearly are friends.” Bekah starts.

“Yes, the best of.” Jon finds her hand and intertwines his fingers wiggling them.

“And the sex is amazing...” Bekah closes her eyes with that unfinished statement.

“I fully concur.” Jon moans to verify his agreement.

“But what do you call this? What’s it’s title?” She motions between them.

“Does it need a name Babe?” Jon kisses her lips.

“I mean...We just...I don’t know Tae. I guess no.” Bekah huffs out.

“So back to my original question. Sedona....end of June? Yes?” Jon nudges her.

“Sounds doable.” Bekah laughs

“Doable huh? You know what’s doable?” Jon moves on top of her with a look that tells her she’s in for it.

“Poor choice of words I guess.” Jon laughs and dips down below the sheets. “Or not.”

#what’s in a name fic #WIAN #tazer me 19 #jonathan toews fic #toews tuesdays #j toews fic #jonathan toews #love a damn blackhawk 🤦🏻‍♀️

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sasarahsunshine · 3 years

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Soak Up The Sun - Fun Things/Facts

My favorite thing about writing my fic so far is exploring the relationships between my OC and the team. For example, I LOVE writing Emily and Derek the most, because they definitely have brother/sister vibes, and they remind me of my relationship with my own brother. I also want that for Kassidy: to have them there as her older “siblings” in a way. I especially love how close Kassidy and Emily are becoming.

(I’m going to be writing a lot about Kassidy’s relationships with the team so I’m gonna put a read more thing here now.)

Emily and Kassidy stay up too late talking on the phone, talking about boys (and girls) they used to like when they were younger, telling stories of embarrassing things they’ve done. They go on breakfast dates all the time, sometimes inviting the other BAU girls along, but sometimes it’s just the two of them. Emily convinces Kass to adopt a cat so her apartment won’t feel so lonely. The two of them like to go to pet stores and buy matching sweaters for their cats. They also constantly text each other dumb things that are on their minds. “I saw a fat squirrel today” “!!!no way!” Kassidy helps set up a private facebook for Emily so they can share pictures to each other (this is placed in 2010/2011 so they don’t get instagrams just yet). They love taking selfies with their cats, as well as taking pictures of the sunsets they see when on the jet. They start collecting postcards from the towns they visit and write them to each other, so when they get home they have fun mail to look at. Emily’s ringtone is the Kim Possible theme song.

And then there’s Rossi, who’s one of the team Dads(TM). I like to think Rossi sees Kassidy as the child he never had (SPOILER ALERT before Joy gets introduced to the story LMAO), so he’s extra sweet on her- and spoils her rotten. She never asks him for anything but eventually he starts buying stuff for her and paying for groceries to be delivered to her apartment and she’s like “???? what are you doing?” And he’s like “you’re my daughter now I am taking care of you.” LOL. Of course later on when Joy joins the BAU fam Rossi introduces her to Kassidy like “Joy this is my other daughter” and Joy is like “Cool I have a sister!” And Kass is like “I’m not actually his daughter tho-” “shush Kass you’re my kid, now smile for the camera.” She puts up with it and accidentally calls him “dad” once in front of everyone and it’s that whole scene from Brooklyn Nine-Nine and she’s like “no i didn’t why would I do that” lol. Rossi puts her in his phone as “Sunshine” since he’s the first one to ever call her that. She has him in as “Team Dad.” His ringtone is That’s Amore by Dean Martin. “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore~”

And then Hotch is like the other Dad(TM) who just wants to watch Kassidy and Spencer succeed at life and must protect them at all costs. Kassidy babysits for him a lot and freaking LOVES Jack. She becomes his unofficial “big sister” and lives for it. She loves taking Jack and Henry to the movies and park and is the best babysitter JJ and Hotch can find. Hotch has found her sleeping on his couch one to many times and just puts a blanket over her and lets her stay the night. He gets her coffee in the morning as a thank you for watching his son. At first she was embarrassed but eventually she gets a key to Hotch’s apartment, since he has a key to hers, and she just shows up sometimes just cause she can. She’s bad at buying groceries for herself but you bet your last dime she’s buying healthy foods for Hotch and Jack. She stocks their pantry FULL with foods, often showing Aunt Jessica where she hid the snacks so Jack (and Hotch) don’t try to get to them. She ends up with her own drawer in Hotch’s room that has some of her clothes and shower stuff in it cause of how often she’s over there. Her ringtone for Hotch is the COPS theme song LMAO.

Morgan is Kassidy’s certified Big Brother(TM) and he will hurt anyone who hurts his baby sister. He takes on the role so naturally around her and loves her for making him feel life can be normal sometimes. He has to tease her a lot about her crush on Reid, but that’s what big brothers do, ya know? The two of them like to go out for drinks and dancing when they get home from cases. Gotta remind themselves that life is beautiful and fun too. She buys Morgan a bunch of books and DVDs that she thinks he’ll like, and he always promises that he definitely read/watched them, but she knows he didn’t. Except when she buys him Tangled on DVD, telling him that it’s her FAVORITE Disney movie of ALL TIME. She knows he watched that one because she hears him humming some of the songs that got stuck in his head. They also hav the complete opposite taste in music, often fighting over what station to listen to when in the car. Usually Hotch or Emily has to tell them to knock it off or they’ll end up hitting each other (nicely). Kassidy HATES running, but she gets up at 6am on Saturdays to run with Morgan. She’s getting more stamina because of it, but she won’t admit it. Her ringtone for him is her favorite song, “Soak Up The Sun” by Sheryl Crow.

Penelope and Kassidy are besties for sure. They have girls night once a week when they can, binging on ice cream and watching lame rom-coms (Kass can’t handle secondhand embarrassment movies but she’ll watch them if Penny asks- hiding her face in her hands when those scenes are on). They like to go shopping together, hyping each other up in dressing rooms and picking out cute/colorful clothes. They always do brunch when they go shopping. They spend a LOT of money when they’re together, and have no filter whatsoever. Kassidy tends to get drunk by the end of the night if she was with Penny, which is always odd considering at the beginning of the day she swore she wouldn’t drink anything. She ends up taking a whole small chest for herself at Penny’s apartment, keeping clothes and toiletries in there. Penelope joked once that Kassidy had her stuff scattered all around the state of Virginia. She wasn’t wrong. Kassidy’s ringtone for her is “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina & The Waves. They also text cute pictures of baby animals to each other a lot.

JJ and Kassidy love getting mani-pedi’s together. And when they’re together it’s either a whole spa day, or they’re at the firing range- there is no in between. No matter what they do, a lot of money will be missing from their accounts at the end of the day, much to Will (and Rossi’s) dismay. Kassidy see’s JJ as a sister too, but more like a twin/super close best friend type of sister, not an older sister like she see’s Emily. She’s totally a Jemily shipper (as a joke, but like <w<). They like to lay in the grass in JJ’s backyard and stare at the clouds, talking about all the places they’ll visit someday. One time they planned a whole trip to Greece, pulling out their phones and looking up ticket prices for the plane ride, hotel, sight-seeing and more. They haven’t fulfilled that trip yet, but they sometimes mention it to one another, reminding themselves that they will go. Someday. JJ’s ringtone is the opening Disney theme to every movie ever.

And then there’s Spencer <3 From the beginning she felt kind of drawn to him, his mannerisms, his love of knowledge- all of it. They like to get coffee together on their days off and trade books (Kassidy had to buy a bunch of new books recently so she had more to trade with him). She’s been to his apartment quite a few times, watching French movies and Earth Documentaries. They just like being in each others company (uwu). Kassidy probably texts Spencer the most, even though he detests texting- but that doesn’t stop him from replying. Her text tone for him is R2-D2 beeping (even though he says he’s not really a fan of Star Wars). During cases they’re almost always paired up together to work on geo-profiling and victimology, sitting close at the table with their legs just barely touching, their feet lightly pushing into each other every once in a while to remind the other that they’re still there. They’re totally NOT playing footsie (they totally are). Her ringtone for Spencer is the Star Trek opening theme. “Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship, Enterprise.”

Kassidy hasn’t met some of the other fun characters of the show yet, but eventually she’ll love all of them too <3 This fic takes place in season 6, after Hayley dies and right before Emily “dies,” ;) ANYWAYS I wanted to rant about this a little so um, thanks if you read it? LOL. Let me know what you guys think? <3

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