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#douglas booth! nikki sixx fanfiction
sourwolf-sterek32 · 3 months
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The Dirt (Your Version)
Summary: Meeting Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee was a coincidence. Being friends was a choice. But falling in love with them both was beyond your control.
Or
A rewrite of The Dirt with all the highs and lows of Mötley Crüe from your perspective.
Pairings: Nikki Sixx x Reader, Tommy Lee x Reader, Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee x Reader
Word Count: 3.1k
Trigger Warning- self-harm, language, past drug and alcohol abuse
Previous Chapter
Chapter 20- You're All I Need
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Over the next few months, you and Nikki became closer than ever before.
You had opened up to him and exposed your deepest emotions and Nikki shared his own with you in response. The trauma you had both endured as children and the darkness that plagued you both as adults only pulled you closer while you learnt how to navigate the world together away from the darkness and into the light.
Nikki was sober now. No alcohol. No drugs. Nothing. He still struggled with his addiction though. The lure and temptation were always there, but he was strong. Stronger than anyone else you knew.
You both had relapsed a few times, Nikki with alcohol and you with a blade. But you were able to pull each other back up and support each other through those bad days. You spent more time at his mansion than your own house by the beach. He liked having you around and you didn't really want to go back to your empty cottage alone.
Neither of you had put a label on what your relationship actually was, but it didn't need one. He loved you and you loved him. And that was enough.
John Corabi left Mötley Crüe. It was bound to happen, and nobody was surprised. The fans wanted Vince back and the band's latest tour with Corabi was a total failure.
Not long after finding out about Corabi's departure, you received a phone call from Vince and by just simply hearing his voice which shook and sobbed a little less, you knew your brother had come out the other end.
He was out of rehab and sober. He could now look at Skylar's grave and decorate it with flowers for her birthday, and he could finally smile whenever he remembers the funny things she used to do. He was still grieving though. He always would be, but Vince was getting better.
"I'm heading to the store. Do you want anything?" You called out, slipping your boots on.
"Grab some bread, if you can!" Nikki's voice shouted from somewhere in the house followed by his laughter. "Wow, that sounded so fucking domestic."
You snorted softly, "bread it is. I'll be back soon."
Out of all the things Nikki could have asked for, he had to ask for the one thing that the grocery store was running low on. He couldn't have asked for milk or something?
Walking down the bread aisle you spotted one lone loaf sitting on the shelf and you sighed with relief before reaching out just as a tattooed hand grabbed the other side of the packaging at the same time.
You opened your mouth about to fight for a stupid loaf of bread, but your voice died in your throat when you saw who's hand it belonged to.
Tommy Lee.
"Holy shit, Y/N?"
You smiled, "hey Drummer."
Suddenly the world around you faded away and you forgot you were in a grocery store surrounded by random people as you stared at Tommy in person for the first time, in a long time.
"I'm so sorry about Skylar." Tommy quickly said, his hazel eyes saddening as he thought about the little girl that used to follow you around backstage like a shadow.
"Thanks." You replied, glancing down at the ground not knowing what else to say.
Tommy didn't say anything for a moment while he stood there biting his thumb nail. It was a nervous habit he has had ever since high school and it seemed after all these years, he never managed to kick it.
"I've missed you."
You lifted your head at his words and met his gaze as Tommy smiled softly at you.
"I've missed you too." You admitted before he held his arms out silently asking for a hug without trying to force it and you instantly stepped into his embrace before his long arms wrapped around your body tightly.
He rested his chin on top of your head as you closed your eyes, savouring this moment.
It had been too long since you had seen Tommy. You missed him. You missed hugging him.
Slowly, Tommy pulled away but rested his hands on your shoulders holding you in front of him and before you knew what was happening, his lips were meeting yours. You froze for a moment at the unexpected kiss, but was quick to kiss him back, nonetheless.
"Tommy." You whispered against his lips. "This isn't a good idea. You're married."
"I'm sorry." He sighed, pulling away resting his forehead against yours.
"Don't be."
You tilted your head up and placed one last gentle kiss to his lips before taking a step away and smiling sadly at him.
"I'll see you around, Drummer."
You turned and began to walk away.
"Y/N, wait." Tommy called out and suddenly his hand was grabbing your wrist, stopping you.
You let out a pained hiss as his fingers grasped your sleeve. The still healing cut that you had been picking and reopening for the past week suddenly flared in pain.
"Whoa, sorry. Are you okay?" He asked, instantly letting go. "Shit, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry."
He hadn't grabbed you hard. If it wasn't for the cut, it wouldn't have hurt at all. Tommy might be a little hot headed and easy to start fights when he was drunk at bars, but he was never violent around you. If anything, he was overly gentle, always afraid that he might hurt you by accident, despite you having to constantly reassure him all these years that you weren't some fragile piece of glass.
Although, right now, that was exactly what you felt like.
A fragile piece of glass. Glass that was already cracked and damaged, and on the verge of shattering at the slightest touch.
"You okay?"
You realised that you had taken too long to answer and quickly nodded.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."
You knew your voice didn't sound convincing, but you gave him a reassuring smile anyway. Tommy stared at you for a moment, those bright hazel eyes full of sudden worry.
"Why are you wearing a jacket? It's like 85 degrees out."
Shit.
"Uh, I've been inside most the day. Didn't realise it was so hot." You lied easily with a shrug of your shoulders.
Tommy didn't say anything for a few seconds, his eyes glancing down to your sleeves before an uneasy expression washed over him. And you knew that he had figured it out because when you were kids, he figured it out too.
-
Vince had gone off to the beach after school with his friends leaving you alone in the back of Tommy's van.
It had been nearly a week since you and Vince ran away from home. A week since Tommy smuggled you both into his van in the front yard without his parents knowing. And it had been less than 24 hours since you broke your promise and started to cut again.
It was a stupid mistake and you regretted it as soon as you saw the blood. Vince would be so disappointed if he ever found out. He had told you to talk to him if you ever felt like that again, but you didn't.
"Knock, knock!" Tommy's voice called out from outside the van.
You smiled softly, used to his verbal knocking whenever he came out to the van. You sat up and reached over pulling open the side door to find him standing there, his wild brown curls blowing across his face.
"Hey, hitchhiker." He smiled brightly. "I didn't see you much at school."
You only shared a couple classes with him, and you had different friend groups, but the two of you always seemed to cross paths throughout the day between classes and during lunch, but today you had just hidden behind the gym. You weren't in a very sociable mood and didn't want to be around people, especially Tommy because he would be able to tell something was wrong.
"Sorry. Had a lot of work to catch up on." You easily lied.
Tommy stared at you for a moment, his warm hazel eyes glued to yours like he was trying to figure out if you were speaking the truth before he simply nodded and pulled out a small Tupperware container out from behind his back.
"My mum baked heaps of chocolate chip cookies. Figured you and Vinnie might want some."
He held out the container of cookies towards you and your heart fluttered at his kindness.
"Thanks, Drummer." You smiled, holding your hand out to grab them but then Tommy's eyes shifted down to something.
"Hey, what's on your wrist?"
He grabbed your hand and brushed your sleeve up before you even had a chance to register what he was doing and by the time you did, it was too late.
A shocked gasp escaped his lips when he saw the self-inflicted cuts carved into your skin. The container of cookies slipped from his hand and dropped to the floor of the van as he took a step back, his hazel eyes widening in shock.
"Did you... did you do that to yourself?" He asked, unable to process what he was staring at.
You hastily pulled the sleeve back down and folded your arms across your chest so he couldn't see, but it was too late to hide it.
"Don't worry about it." You dismissed, looking away from him.
"Don't worry about it?" Tommy repeated in disbelief. "Y/N, are you... do you want to... did you try to kill yourself?"
Your head snapped back in his direction so fast you nearly gave yourself whiplash, "no!"
"Then why did you do that?"
He didn't sound judgemental or look angry. He just seemed sad and confused, which was worse.
"It's none of your business."
"If I find you dead inside my fucking van, then yeah, it is my business!" Tommy responded, his voice rising a little as he spoke before he ran his fingers through his hair nervously.
"That's not going to happen. I only did it because the pain... it helps." You tried to explain but Tommys brows furrowed in confusion. "I don't expect you to understand, it's okay. But if it makes you feel better, I regret doing it and it won't happen again."
He nodded and remained quiet for quite some time, but to your surprise, he didn't run off. He remained standing by the side of the van watching you carefully.
"Did you treat it?"
His question caught you off guard as you blinked and glanced over at him, his eyes glued to your hidden wrist.
"What?"
"Did you treat the cuts? I don't want them to get infected."
Oh. Oh.
He was worried about it getting infected. That hadn't even occurred to you. It should have, but it didn't.
Your silence was enough of an answer.
"My parents aren't home. There's a first aid kit in the bathroom. Let's go get it cleaned up." He said, holding his hand out towards you. "C'mon."
You stared at his hand for a moment before shaking your head.
"It doesn't matter." You whispered, looking away from him. "I don't care if it gets infected."
"Well, I care."
"You shouldn't." You muttered quietly, glaring at the blanket beside you like it had personally offended you, instead of meeting Tommys eyes. "I mean, look at me. I'm fucked up-"
"You're not fucked up."
You chuckled almost hysterically and shook your head.
"I am. I know I am. I'm fucked up. I'm broken, Tommy and I-I can't be fixed. I know that. I mean who does this? And you know what the real screwed up thing actually is? I-I like it. There I said it, I like it. I like the pain and I know I need to stop, but it's the only thing that helps. The pain... the pain helps, and I don't... I don't-"
"Hey, hey, breathe. Y/N, just breathe." Tommy quickly said noticing that you were working yourself up into a panic and you realised that you were in fact not breathing.
You couldn't breathe.
Shit, you couldn't fucking breathe.
"It's okay, just breathe. Deep breath in, come on. Breathe in, one... two... three. Breathe out, one... two, three. Good. Good. And again." Tommy coached climbing inside the van and sitting beside you.
His hand grasped your shoulder gently as he sucked in deep deliberate breaths for you to copy.
You stared at his necklace, focusing on the silver chain like a lifeline while you mimicked his breathing. Tommy continued to coach you verbally, your eyes glued to the chain trying to focus and after a few minutes your breathing slowly started to even out. You looked away from the necklace, your eyes locking with his beautiful hazel ones.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry." You sighed. "You didn't- you didn't sign up for this. Just, go. I'm sorry."
You lowered your head fiddling with the loose thread on your jeans, too afraid to look at him as silent tears trickled down your cheeks.
"I'm not going anywhere." Tommy replied. "You're more than just Vince's sister. I care about you, Y/N. Please, come into the house so I can clean the cuts properly. Please."
You tilted your head up and met his concerned eyes before you nodded, "okay."
-
"Show me." Tommy ordered still standing in the bread aisle of the grocery store as he stared at you with sad knowing eyes.
You blinked in surprise, "w-what?"
"Your arm. Show me your arm." He said again taking a step forward.
"Uh, no." You said, simultaneously taking a step back. "Why?"
Tommy sighed, "you know why. Show me your arm."
You held his gaze as he raised his eyebrows at you impatiently because he knew exactly what you were trying to hide beneath the sleeve.
"Fine." You sighed, lifting the sleeve of your right arm that you knew was bare. "Happy now? I gotta go."
"Your other arm." He quickly said before you could walk off. "Show me your other arm."
You opened your mouth to respond but then an elderly couple walked down the aisle and came to a stop beside you while they stared at the limited selection of food on the shelves. You closed your mouth quickly not wanting other people to overhear this conversation and Tommy seemed to catch on because he remained silent too.
Tommy held your gaze, his eyes filled with so many emotions it was hard to decipher any of them before his eyes flicked over to the elderly couple that had finally chosen their wholemeal wraps and were walking away.
"How many times?" Tommy asked once they were out of earshot because he didn't need to see the evidence to know what you were refusing to show him.
You sighed, "too many."
Tommy lowered his head grabbing hold of the shelf beside him as he sucked in a deep breath before meeting your gaze once again and you were taken back when you saw tears shining in his eyes.
"Look, I-I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but don't do this to yourself. Please."
"Tommy-" You tried to say, but he kept talking.
"I was so scared when we were kids. Even after you and Vince moved out the van, I worried about you. I didn't want to lose you back then and I can't lose you now."
"You're not going to lose me." You insisted.
His eyes shifted down to your arms folded across your chest hiding the cuts, "you sure about that?"
"If you asked me that a few months ago, my answer would have been no." You admitted causing Tommy's eyes to sadden. "I... I wasn't okay. I... maybe I'm still not okay, but I'm getting better. I'm trying to get better, and Nikki is helping me."
A look of relief washed over him at your words.
"Sixx mentioned that he was in contact with you again." Tommy replied smiling softly. "I'm glad that he's helping. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you-"
"Tommy, don't." You shook your head at him. "I left. And you have a wife. You have your own life to deal with. I'm okay."
He tilted his head with a sad smile, "but you're not okay."
You took in a deep breath and nodded.
"But I will be."
Those big hazel eyes softened as he stared at you before you leant forward and placed a gentle kiss against his cheek.
"I should go." You whispered, stepping back giving him a small smile. "It was nice seeing you again, Tommy."
You turned and began to walk away before he called out your name.
"Y/N."
"Yeah?" You said, turning back around just as he tossed you the loaf of bread.
You caught the bread with one hand and Tommy gave you a friendly smile as you nodded your thanks before walking away.
-
A few days later you were sitting on Nikki's bed strumming away at his acoustic guitar to the tune of Home Sweet Home when he walked into the bedroom and tossed a magazine down on to the blanket in front of you.
You stopped playing the guitar and looked down at the magazine in confusion until you saw the picture that was covering the front page.
It was you and Tommy kissing at the grocery store with the title: 'Tommy Lee Steps Out On Heather With Y/N Neil'
Your stomach dropped.
Fuck.
You and Nikki hadn't put a label on whatever it was that the two of you had going on. So, you had absolutely no idea how he was going to react. But as you looked away from the magazine to gauge his reaction, you found the bassist smiling softly.
"You still love him, don't you?" He asked, but it was clear he already knew the answer.
You had known Tommy for a long time. The two of you were never close in high school, but when Vince had shown up on his doorstep with you injured in the car and asked for a place to stay, Tommy never hesitated.
He had been there for you from the very start. To sleeping in his van, to looking after you whenever you had migraines, to ditching his honeymoon to be there for you during the miscarriage and everything in between.
"I do. I love him." You admitted, staring back down at the magazine. "I'm sorry."
Nikki walked over taking the guitar from your lap and resting it against the wall before he stood beside the bed and gently pulled your body into his stomach wrapping his arms around your shoulders.
You reached up and wrapped your arms around his midsection leaning against his side as he bent down and placed a kiss to the top of your head.
"It's okay to love two people at the same time." He whispered stroking your hair gently. "It's not like Tommy and I haven't shared you before."
"Wait, but-"
You pulled away as Nikki released you and you looked up to find the bassist smirking happily.
"I want to get the band back together."
Holy shit.
Really?
He sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for your hand lacing your fingers together.
"For so long, I thought it was about... what did you used to call us? The Terror Twins?" Nikki began to say, and you smiled with a small nod. "Tommy and I... we thought it was about us for so long. We forgot that we were a team, and Vince was the quarterback. We forgot what made us Mötley Crüe: the chance collision of four very different, very flawed, and very difficult personalities and the girl that kept us together."
"Nikki-"
"I haven't given up on Mötley Crüe." He stated, squeezing your hand. "Can you help me?"
You grinned, "hell yes."
-
Next Chapter
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prettyyoungandbored · 2 months
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Crushes [’You and I’ Side Story]
Pairing: Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx x Female Reader
Author’s Note: Takes place before the events of “You and I.” I was driving through Hollywood and saw a cute couple that reminded me of these two. So thank you, random strangers.
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Nikki exhaled as he closed the door behind him. He was relieved to be home after a somewhat mediocre gig.
London was slowly but surely losing its edge. He could feel it and mentally, he was preparing himself for the eventual breakup.
He made his way into the bedroom, setting down his bass. His head turned to see Y/N curled up in bed, hugging his pillow. He smiled, throwing off his shirt.
He knew she felt bad that she couldn’t make it to the show. She worked a double at the diner for the second time that week, exhausting her. He told her there would be other shows. He wasn’t so sure now, but either way her rest was more important.
His pants hit the floor and he kicked it away. He lifted the blanket and crawled under the covers. He threw an arm around her waist, moving his body closer to hers.
Just as he was about to close his eyes, he heard whimpering.
Her whimpering.
He opened his eyes, hoping she was having a sexual dream. But then he noticed the scrunching in her face and realized he needed to step in. He leaned up and gently shook her.
“Babe, babe, babe,” he coaxed her.
Her eyes shot open as she let out a sharp gasp. Her hand was on her chest and he moved closer to her, putting his hand on hers.
“Hey, it’s ok,” he soothed her. “Babe, look at me,”
She turned her head to him as he pulled her into his arms.
“You’re ok,” he assured her, kissing her forehead. “You’re safe.”
She let out a final sigh. “Fuck.”
“Bad dream?”
“That’s putting it lightly. One of the scariest dreams I’ve had in a long time.”
She leaned back onto the pillow, the palm of her hand rubbing her eyes as if that would take away the memories of her dream.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he murmured, his fingers carding through her hair. “It’s over and you’re safe. I promise.”
She looked over at him, flashing a small but grateful smile. She moved her body to him, snuggling her face into his chest and letting the smell of sweat, cigarettes, and Jack Daniel’s soothe her.
He smirked. “I can think of one way to get your mind off it.”
He leaned his head down to see her smirking back at him. “Nice try, Sixx.”
He chuckled as he kissed the top of her head again. “Worth trying.”
She hummed in agreement. If she had woken up on her own without a nightmare, maybe.
“How was your gig?” she asked.
“Eh, it was a gig,” he replied with a shrug. “We were good. The band before us fucking sucked though. They were a bunch of KISS wannabes which made it worse.”
“You don’t like KISS?”
“I thought they were cool when I was a kid, but they didn’t stick with me like other bands did.” He glanced down at her. “What about you?”
“I had a big KISS phase.”
He paused. “That…somehow does not surprise me. Did Gene Simmons’ tongue do it for you?”
“No, but Paul Stanley did.”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “Really?”
She looked up at him. “You judging me, Sixx?”
“A little, yeah,” he snorted. “I wouldn’t have taken you to as a lead singer kind of girl.”
“I’m not,” she insisted. “I actually find other musicians who play other instruments in other bands attractive.”
A pang of jealousy hit Nikki, but he wasn’t going to show it. Instead, he smirked. “Oh yeah? Name ‘em.”
She propped up on her elbow, her eyes meeting his. “Eddie Van Halen, guitarist. You should know that considering I told you that I lost my virginity to a Van Halen song.”
Nikki made a face. “Yeah, I sorta pushed that out of my mind because I don’t like hearing there were others before me.”
“There was only one, Mr. Possessive,” she reminded him, poking his nose.
“Yeah, yeah. Ok, Van Halen is fine. Who else is there? You’re forgetting a big one.”
“I am?” she questioned. Then she snapped her fingers. “Oh yeah!”
“Yeah,” he nodded.
“Drummer!”
Nikki’s face fell. “That’s not-.”
“Roger Taylor from Queen.”
He sighed, shaking his head. “So those are your choices? Paul Stanley, Eddie Van Halen, and Roger Taylor? You sure you’re not missing any other key band members you find attractive?”
She thought for a moment. “Ok so there is a bassist.”
“But it’s not Gene Simmons.”
“It’s not Gene Simmons.”
“Ok,” he nodded. “Tell me more.”
She rest her chin on his chest, sighing dramatically. “I don’t know if you know him.”
He knew damn well where this going, but he was down to play her game. “I might.”
“He plays for this band London.”
He chuckled. “London…yeah, I’ve heard of ‘em.”
“So he’s super sexy.”
“Super sexy? Sexier than the men on your list?”
“Definitely.”
“Ooh. Ok, go on.”
“He plays like a god. Like his talent is incredible.” She snuggled close. “He has impeccable stage presence.”
“Impeccable?! That’s some high praise, princess. What else?”
“He’s got black hair. Gorgeous eyes.”
He hummed. “Gorgeous you say?”
She nodded. “He’s also really good at comforting a girl after a nightmare.”
His jaw dropped, slapping his hand on his chest. “It’s me?”
“Surprise!” she giggled.
He leaned his head back. “Wow! I don’t know what to say. I didn’t see it coming.”
She laughed, burying her face in his chest.
“Hey Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“Out of all those crushes, which one do you like the most?”
She snorted and lifted her head up. “Who do you think?”
He shrugged. “You tell me.”
“Do you need me to stroke your ego some more?”
“So it is me?!”
She rolled her eyes as he threw his head back laughing. “You’re lucky I think you’re cute.”
“Obviously you do since you have a crush on me,” he reminded her. “So embarrassing.”
She pulled her lips back. “We live together, dumbass.”
He kissed her nose. “For what it’s worth, I have a crush on you too.”
She hummed. “And how many other crushes do you have?”
“Just one. You. You’re it for me.”
“Until you become a big rockstar and then have groupies.”
“Nope. I’m always gonna have a crush on you.”
She snorted. “Yeah, ok then.”
His smile quickly fell flat as his dark eyes softened. “Hey, I’m serious. I don’t want anyone else. Just you.”
The sincerity in his tone lifted warmed Y/N’s heart. She always knew he was serious about her, but every now and again, she needed a reminder that he loved her even if he couldn’t outright say it.
It was an issue she knew she would have to work on.
“And Y/N? I’m never going to let anything happen to you. I promise you’re safe with me.”
She pecked his lips before snuggling back into his chest. “I know. And I know you know you’re safe with me.”
His hand rubbed her back soothingly. “I know.”
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need help ~ nikki sixx;the dirt
word count: 1789
request?: yes!
“The dirt Nikki sixx x female reader, the reader been best friends with Nikki sense they were kids and became friends through them having terrible home lives, when motley Crüe started up she was their cheering him on. The reader also been in love with Nikki for a long time but when Nikki starts taking heroin she ends up finding him and taking care of him and this happens more than once but after he overdoses the reader snaps and says that she can’t keep watching the man she loves doing heroin. Please and thank you”
description: after finding her friend overdosing, they have a heavy talk about his addiction and his desire to get help
pairing: nikki sixx x female!reader
warnings: swearing, mentions of drugs, mentions of overdosing, lil angst?
masterlist (one, two)
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It wasn’t the first time I had found Nikki in the midst of one of his highs. In fact, it was becoming such a regular occurrence that I usually expected Nikki to be high as a kite whenever I went to see him.
What I didn’t expect this time around was to find him almost dead. Or...I guess completely dead.
I had gotten a call from one of his junkie friends - also nothing new. He sounded frantic and scared as he tried to tell me there was something wrong with Nikki. I thought at first that maybe he was just too high and was freaking out because Nikki was also high, so I wasn’t too alarmed at first. I drove to the address that the guy had given me, convinced that I was going to have to carry Nikki back home yet again and nurse him through his heroin hangover.
When I showed up to the house and found it completely abandoned, a feeling of dread started to grow in me. I walked into the house to find Nikki on his own, passed out, with ghostly pale skin and dried vomit on his mouth and chest. My heart stopped as I fell next to Nikki and checked his pulse. When I couldn’t find one, I immediately called 911.
The ride to the hospital was mostly a blur. The paramedics let me ride with Nikki, but I was basically curled up in an anxiety filled ball as I watched them trying to operate on Nikki. Just when I had lost all hope of him being helped, one of the paramedics injected him with something and he gasped back to life.
Nikki was put in a hospital room to make sure the drugs fully left his system before he was discharged. They allowed me to stay with him since he had no other immediate family to call. I slept in the chair by his bedside while he went through his detox, which was probably the most uncomfortable I had ever been. But I didn’t want to leave until I knew Nikki was okay. I wanted him to wake up so I could tell him that I couldn’t keep doing this.
I was eating a bland hospital food meal when Nikki woke up. I watched him slowly come to life before taking in his surroundings. He turned his head and focused his attention on me.
“(Y/N)? Where am I?” he asked.
“The hospital,” I responded. “Do you remember much about last night?”
He shook his head. “I don’t remember anything.”
“You...um...well, you overdosed, Nik. Your heart stopped and everything. One of the paramedics managed to re-start it in the ambulance.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t read his facial expression, but I assumed he was shocked by this news. Or at least I hoped he was.
I sat at the edge of my chair, looking down at my hands. I couldn’t look at him. The words bubbling in my throat were hard to get out.”
“Nik, I can’t do this anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
I started picking at my hands. My vision was becoming blurry, but I refused to let Nikki see. I had to remain strong so I didn’t back down from this decision.
“I can’t keep watching you nearly kill yourself with drugs. I can’t keep finding you high out of your mind and having to take care of you until you’re well enough to shoot up again.”
“What are you saying, (Y/N)?”
I took a deep breath and forced out, “I can’t be friends with you while you’re like this, Nikki. I can’t keep doing this to myself.”
Silence filled the room. I was picking at a hangnail on my thumb until I accidentally made it bleed. I stuck my thumb in my mouth to try and combat the bleeding, which resulted in me finally looking up at Nikki. He was looking at me with sad eyes. I was a little caught off guard by the reaction and felt guilt building inside of me.
“You...you don’t want to be friends anymore?” he asked. “(Y/N), we’ve been friends since we were in diapers. You really want to end all that?”
I nodded. “I have to, Nikki. I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t good for me, and I can’t come to your rescue and worry that I’m going to find you dead permanently.”
“That’s not gonna happen.”
“I didn’t think so either, until I walked into a crack house to find you unresponsive and alone.”
“That’s because those idiots left me. That won’t happen again.”
I shook my head. My guilt was quickly being replaced with anger. He wasn’t understanding what I was saying. He wasn’t understanding the severity of the situation I had found him in the night before. He wasn’t going to get clean, he was just thinking about when he could get his next high.
I had to get out of there. I was no longer worried that I would go back on my decision, but rather I was worried of what I might say while angry. I got up from my chair, my body aching from being there for so long, and collected my things to leave.
“So this is it?” Nikki questioned as I headed for the door. “A lifetime of friendship and you’re throwing it away while I’m recovering from a near death experience?”
“Don’t give me that shit, Nikki!” I snapped. “It wouldn’t have been a near experience if it weren’t for me! In fact, there has probably been a number of times I’ve saved your ass. And do I get so much as a ‘thank you, (Y/N)’, ‘I appreciate you, (Y/N)’, ‘I’ll stop taking drugs and nearly killing myself, (Y/N)’?”
“I never asked you to do any of that.”
“No, you didn’t, but I still did. Because I love you. And I can’t watch the man I love killing himself anymore!”
The silence that hung between us was thicker now. I felt a wetness on my cheek as I realized I had finally let the tears start falling. This was exactly what I hadn’t wanted to say, but now it was out there and I couldn’t take it back.
I quickly threw myself out of Nikki’s hospital room. I made a beeline for the elevator, trying to put as much distance between me and that room as I could.
At least admitting my feelings made it easier for him to let me go, I thought to myself.
The sudden sound of hospital machines beeping followed by voices yelling drew my attention back to Nikki’s room. The brunette rock star was trying to shove past the number of hospital staff that was trying to coax him back into his room.
“Sir, you’re still detoxing, you have to go back to your room until the doctor discharges you,” a nurse was saying as she tried to push Nikki back into his room.
“I’ll go back in if she comes with me,” Nikki said, pointing towards me.
I felt my face heat up with embarrassment as the staff looked at me. “Nikki, you have to finish your treatment. Go back in and I’ll come see you when you’re better.”
“I don’t believe you,” he said. “I think if you walk out now that I’ll never see you again, and you can’t leave me after what you just told me.”
It felt like my throat was closing over from trying to hold back the fresh tears welling in my eyes. I managed to choke out, “I can’t.”
Nikki finally managed to break away from the staff trying to restrain him and rushed over to me. Before I could realize what he was doing, his hands were grabbing my face and his lips were on mine. It was far from being the picture perfect kiss you see in romantic comedies. It was rough and almost felt desperate. But it was a kiss, and I couldn’t help but get lost in it because it was something I had been dreaming of for years.
It was broken up when two hospital guards appeared and grabbed Nikki, forcing him away from me and back to his room. He tried to fight against them, but when he saw that I was following them now he stopped and allowed them to put him back in his bed and hook him back up to the machines he had been attached to.
I sat back down in the uncomfortable chair and we were right back to where we had been moments before, as if the last ten minutes hadn’t happened at all.
“So,” I started, “was that...real?”
He gave me a funny look. “How could it not be real?”
“I don’t know, it could’ve just been a tactic to get me to come back into the room.”
Nikki chuckled a little. “You don’t think there’s even the smallest possibility that I did that because I also have feelings for you and I didn’t want you to walk away without me telling you that?”
I shrugged my shoulder, which caused him to laugh again. “You’re so cute.”
It was hard not to smile when he said that, but I quickly wiped the smile from my face. “I still mean what I said, though. This admitting that we have feelings for one another isn’t going to change my mind. If anything, I’m much more firm on my decision that I’m not going to sit around and watch you kill yourself.”
Nikki sighed and nodded his head. “I know. I have a problem, (Y/N). I didn’t want to admit it, but I always knew that I did. I crashed Tommy’s wedding because I was high, I’ve ruined friendships, I almost died. I almost lost you. It’s just not worth it anymore. I can’t keep living like this.”
I moved closer to his bed and took his hand in mine. When his eyes met with mine I felt like my breath was taken away. He was always so handsome, even now when he was being his most vulnerable with me. Especially now that he was being his most vulnerable with me.
“We’ll get you help, Nik,” I told him. “There’s plenty of good rehab facilities you can go to, or you can try and do it on your own without the help of professionals. Either way, I’m going to be by your side every step of your recovery.”
“And when I’m clean, I’m going to do what I should’ve done a very long time ago and I’m going to take you out on a proper date.”
I smiled again at him and said, “It sounds like a deal.”
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𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 ; 𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐤𝐢 𝐬𝐢𝐱𝐱 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
!! disclaimer before we start this girliez !!
it's gonna be a multi-part fic
it's based on the movie (i read about the band's and nikki's life, but it'd be complicated)
fem!reader will be half russian and half of another nation (you can insert yours here)
it's gonna have some TW parts as cussing, drugs, sex, miscarriage, depression so please read with caution!!
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏.
word count: 2.308k trigger warning: cursing, pole dance, smoking
1981, hollywood, sunset boulevard
♡ 𝐘/𝐍 ♡
the fake lashes tickled her eyes as one of her colleagues helped her to ruffle up her hair, well, if you can name the other girls who pole dances with you in a night club 'colleagues'.
"i fucking hate this shit" she muttered, putting lipstick on her lips. jessica, the girl who helped her shrugged her shoulders.
"when you're done with that, you can go off with a guy. old men pays way much more then the broke, skinny rock and roll wannabe-ones."
"it's a good idea jess, but i want to use my young years, and maybe get a normal relationship." y/n knew that this decade had its own fuckboys, just like the teddy-boys in the 60s with long coats and hair with much gale, and the hippies in the 70s with those fucking irritating and bad-looking flares and too much color, and now... they had log hair, black clothes and bulked up with studs, now just on their clothes, but on their face, too. sometimes it was fucking disgusting, even worse than punks, but other times, it was pleasant dig into a boy's long hair while he ate her out.
"your choice, baby. two minutes and simon will come in, so prepare yourself." simon was the guy who talked with them; when to go to the stage and when their shift ended, handing out the girls' 'salaries' to them, always in cash, of course. dancing here wasn't her first option; y/n wanted to go to somewhere, where an audience could tell that she had a good voice, or just tell her to fuck off, getting into dancing and singing, acting universities were difficult and expensive to get in. but since she had to pay the bills in the house she shared with two other girls, collecting money wasn't that easy.
in two hours, she was dancing in the big area on the counter, letting men tuck money into her panties and throw it in the front of her legs. shaking and crawling her body to the music, she almost completely shut the world out from her own world. at least she could dance, and she liked dancing, as soon as...
a bolting light shone through the bar. it was impossible to miss that is was a camera light. what the fuck, she turned and saw a couple of guys standing there, making pictures in front of where she was dancing.
"the guys will be so jealous when they're gonna see this! okay, brad, could you-"
"what the fuck do you think are you doing?" y/n stopped dancing, getting their attention.
"just making some pictures, don't worry, babe."
"don't fucking babe me! you can't take pictures here, do you understand?" she hollered, climbing down from the counter.
"could you take a picture about us with your friend in the back? or could you call down her?"
y/n snatched the camera from them.
"if you don't fuck off, i'm gonna trash this piece of shit."
"i'd listen to the girl." two other guy stepped in, they had long hair just like the rockers they probably listened to. one of them, the curlier and brown one carried a drumstick with himself, tucked into his belt.
"sorry, but what the fuck are you?" fuckface brad's one friend asked him.
"just a guy who walks in here from time to time and doesn't break the rules."
"i don't fucking care, could you please go away? we have to take some pictures, give me back that shit!"
"this?" y/n asked, looking at the camera, then, with her heart stomping in her chest, she trashed it down to the ground, breaking it into thousands of pieces. the fuckfaces got shocked.
"are you fucking mad?!"
"you deserved it anyway", the drumstick-boy's friend said, but the next moment, y/n got a punch into her face, crashing into the counter where people stood before it. looking up, she felt something warm running down to her lips, but instead of crying being hurt, she grabbed the nearest bottle she could find, breaking it, she successfully scratched the boy's arm.
"fuck you!" she screamed, aggressively waving the bottle in front of her. "fuck off, right now, motherfuckers!"
"y/n, what the fuck are you doing?" simon got in the picture. y/n looked around; some of the guests and jessica stared at them, the rocker boys stopped punching the other two guy as she fretted the third of them with a broken bottle. "if you do it again, you are gonna get fired!"
the girl looked at him, laughing, grabbing as much as money she could.
"yeah? then you won't gonna get the chance to fire me, because i quit! fuck you, simon, and fuck everybody in this craphole! i'm done!" screaming, she walked back to collect her things. not saying a word to anyone, carrying her clothes and her wallet, she walked beside simon, pushing his shoulder with hers as he tried to talk with her. but now, she was mad and unstoppable.
"you can never go back here if you quit now!" simon yelled to her as she stood at the door, now everybody staring at them.
"you know what simon?" she asked, licking her lips. iron from blood. with money in one hand, she dropped her things for a second and showed up both of her middle fingers.
turning around, she left the place that was her second place to go, but not her second home. out the door, she saw that people were staring into the bar, probably they heard the fight.
"hey dude! give me a fucking cigarette." getting one, they lit it to her.
"do you know what happened? we heard yelling and screaming." a woman asked, y/n nodded, blowing out the smoke.
"yeah, it was me. and don't come here, because the motherfuckers replace half of the whiskey with water." then walking away, she sat down on the side of the road, smoking the stick between her lips as she put on her skirts, top and her jacket. she couldn't think about what's gonna be with her. there was always a place for a crawling, dancing girl who could dress up as a slut.
"hey, are you okay?"
turning around, it was the same two guy who tried to defend her. she couldn't blame them, she blamed the brad-kinda assholes. holding the cig with her hand now, she bit her lip.
"except that the fact that now i'm jobless, that my face hurts and got rearranged, i'm pretty good, thanks." they sat down beside her.
"we're sorry for what happened. but we beat them up."
"you were cool, too! with that broken bottle. i'm tommy, by the way, and he's nikki."
"i can talk myself too, tom."
"i'm y/n. and that's my job... well, was."
"sorry that we couldn't stop it." nikki looked at her. he had pretty, green eyes, not the ones she could see everyday.
"don't worry, it was just a matter of time. otherwise, if i have to handle those three, maybe i'd be in jail now. and i hate this shit", she added, tearing down the fake lashes.
"would you actually stab them?" tommy asked.
"of course. if they break the rules, i break them head." at that, the two of them looked each other. "what? you don't meet girls everyday who smash others for being a motherfucker?"
"no, most of my girlfriends cry and scream, or throw something at me." tommy shrugged his shoulders. "i'm gonna borrow some cigs, do y'all want some?"
"yes, please." y/n said, and nikki nodded, also. now, it was just the two of them. she turned to the guy.
"and you? any troubled girl?" he shook his head.
"not one yet. but an upcoming band, and it's gonna be fire."
"upcoming band? you drive in bands?"
"yeah. but the last one was shit, it was called london."
"bands with names of towns never work, didn't anybody tell you that before?" nikki laughed at her question. "well, now you know. and any plans about the new one?"
"it's gonna be... the best band you've ever seen. but i still need some members in it, now i only have tommy. so tell me, can you sing?"
it this the hand of fate? y/n was far too much played to believe in some guy's promises and questions.
"well, nobody wanted to beat me when i was carousing in my rent." laughing at this, nikki turned to her.
"maybe if you can really sing, i'll count a frontwoman into my band."
"frontwoman? don't joke with me." y/n shook her head at his words.
"why would i joke? why do you think it's a joke?"
"because i got fucked up by some people before, and i don't believe to empty promises. see, i'll go there, and if the band is cool, then i'm in."
tommy came back, handing the cigarettes to them, showing up a bottle alcohol.
"guys, i found this on the ground, it's only half empty!" he said, making y/n grimace.
"watch out, maybe it's piss. happens a lot of time." the two guy laughed again.
"were did you learn these comments?" tommy asked. y/n shrugged her shoulders, letting nikki light her cigarette.
"anywhere. i spent my childhood with people i learned a lot from."
"were you in orphanage?" nikki asked, and she nodded. another piece of ash falling to the ground.
"kinda. i grew up in sacramento, and getting out from it, i came here."
"that's fine. i sent my mother into jail, but she was an asshole anyway." nikki added, making y/n pull up her eyebrows, nodding approvingly.
"hard."
"do you wanna go to party? tommy?" the guy asked, tommy shook his head.
"sorry, but i gotta be home. i think that girl broke up with me, but anyway, it was nice to meet you, y/n."
"see you again, toms."
"how so?"
"your friend just invited me to sing in his upcoming band, the one that never anybody has seen before." she teased nikki.
"wow, that's cool! i thought we're gonna have a guy, but that's okay."
"can't i be as good as a guy?" she asked back, making tommy look at nikki. "whatever, it's only a trial."
as tommy got away, y/n finished her second cigarette. "it was a pleasure to meet you, nikki, but i gotta search for a new place to work."
"really?"
"why? until 4am, they're open. it's not a big deal."
"come and party with me instead of it. or just sit down and talk, hm?" the girl smiled at this, rolling her eyes.
"are you trying to fuck me? other guys just pay me the drinks and help me to get to the bathroom."
"no, i just wanna get to know more about you. you're probably not pure american, judging by your accent." nikki answered, helping her stand up. y/n looked at him.
"it's true that i'm a half-blood. half russian, half (y/na). every cop asks for my id, everybody thinks that i'm a fucking illegal immigrant, but i'm just as an american citizen as this fucking ford!" she said, pointing at the car beside them.
"fuck the police anyway. and... you said that you were a foster kid, how so?"
"i don't want to talk about it. besides, not everybody's choice to get their parents int jail."
the truth was that her mother was truly an illegal immigrant, and in the short half and a year she was in the states, she got pregnant with her from a fellow guy she met with. when y/n was born, her mother had a beautiful, lovely six months with her baby, but then, one day the police knocked on her door. having no father and living in a mother's home, it was an instant way to get into orphanage.
"i'm sorry about that. do you want to forget these things with some booze?" nikki asked as they turned down on the road.
"do you have an actual place to live?" she asked him.
"do you have a place to stay?" nikki asked back.
"hell yeah, just because i'm stated as a slut by the society, i'm not a homeless one!" y/n spread her arms beside them, almost slapping a guy. they both laughed at that. "lead me to your place."
"right away, princess." he replied, setting his arm around her shoulder. "can i?" nikki looked at her, y/n looked up to her from her real eyelashes.
"what?"
"people can think that we're going up to me to fuck." y/n laughed, shrugging her free shoulder.
"and do i look like i give a fuck about what they think?"
♡ 𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐊𝐈 ♡
y/n could be only one girl from all those who he met through the years, but she wasn't. he was unsure about that he really should invite her to the band, because if they really would get famous, everybody would bully her do death. and maybe she wouldn't get it on herself, but he would blow up from all the shit she'd get. looking at her, he only knew her a couple hours ago, but the way she protected herself from the creeps in the bar in underwear, the way she talked, she could be a pure ghetto chick, but she was more than that. it was like... she born into the wrong place, wanting to be more than she was now.
"is something bad? or are you just thinking?" she asked him.
"what? no, i just hope that i locked the windows before i started the night."
"i fancy the simple fact that you are a guy who is capable of thinking."
he wasn't a fan of fast and strong emotions, but if she doesn't stop replying sarcastically, he's gonna marry her.
it was just a matter of time...
...and tons of drugs, music and trouble.
𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓.
a/n: i gotta get into writing since i just got back, but i hope you still like it. if you want to get on the taglist, dm, comment or write here
take care and stay safe girliez
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Keep it to Yourself (1)
✶ Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx x OC ✶
Warning: This story will contain scenes of drug/alcohol use, sexual content, mentions of death, overdose, physical and emotional abuse. Please read at your own risk. I do not own rights to Motley Crue or any other famous person mentioned. Portions of this story will be pulled from Motley's book and film The Dirt as well as The Heroin Diaries. There will be parts that are complete fiction as well.
Taglist: @fancywasmyname1, @kaitieskidmore1, @xxisxxisxxis, @sparxx27,  @cruecifymesixx, @tempt-ress, @a-sia-san, @x-xinenas, @casualcomputerarbiter-blog​, @makaelahdelvalle
Author's note: Hello everybody! It's been a while since I thought about this story but now I want to bring it back to life. I think I rewatched The Dirt about 20 times in the past couple of days (Thanks snowstorm!) and i've been thinking about this story and all the other amazing Crue stories that are on Tumblr. So, with that being said - I have decided to rewrite Keep it to Yourself. I went back and read the original version and I want to revamp it in a way. I've changed a couple things and I hope to make it better than before. If you were tagged in the original version, I went ahead and just tagged you for this new update. If you would like to be removed, just let me know and I will take you off. If you aren't a part of the taglist and would like to be, just let me know and I will get you added. I hope you enjoy the new and improved Keep it to Yourself!
“Bryant –“ He paused. “I know I’m probably the last voice you wanna hear on your answering machine, but I desperately need your help right now.” A breathy sigh blew through the speaker. “I’m at my wits end and I have no idea what to do with him.”
I stared at the device – my hand curled against my mouth as his words flowed through my living room. “The drugs are constant – he’s high 24/7 – Half the time I don’t even know if he’s alive or dead when I get into his room. It’s not just him – they’re all fucked – but he’s the only one with one foot in the casket.”
How he got my number remained a mystery. They made him millions of dollars – more money than the man could even count – yet he was calling me about his issue. From the beginning, I told him that it would only get worse. The guy had issues way before he formed Motley – way before the money and fame came into the picture. Sure - he dabbled in drugs before hitting peak stardom, but the money was there, and he was a kid in a candy store.
“I know the two of you ended on such a sour note, but I feel like you’re the only one that can truly help him get out of this fucking mess. He needs you – I – we all need you, Bryant.” He went on to leave the number to the hotel they were staying at for the night. Begging one last time for my help. I must’ve played the damn message 10 times – each time making my anger rise. Doc was the one who let it get to this point – he fueled the fire when it should’ve been sprayed out years ago. He pushed the drugs in their direction – Nikki was always a step ahead though. He attracted the slime that had the harder, faster drugs. The drugs that would make him feel nothing when in reality his whole fucking world was crumbling down…
I continued to move the spoon around the cup, the sugar long dissolved by now. I was so lost in my own thought – Doc’s words swirling around in my brain.
“You’re thinking about going, aren’t you?” The brunette in front of me asked. “I know that look and that look tells me that you’re giving in.”
Hannah Hastings was the first person I met when I moved to South Carolina. She was an event planner – a free spirit in a Dynasty like world. She would spend hours on my couch, a bottle of wine being shared, as I spilled my entire life story into her lap. She knew all about my history with Nikki – how we met – our marriage – and the demise of our relationship.
I let out a sigh, “I don’t wanna go but something’s telling me that if I don’t –“ I paused. “If I don’t go, he’s gonna end up dead and then I’ll be blaming myself. At least if I go and say I tried and I don’t succeed, I won’t beat myself up if something does happen to him. Like – It’s not even a matter of if – it’s a matter of when.”  
“He was such an asshole though, Bryant. The man was toxic to you-“She reached across the table taking my hand in hers. “I don’t want to see you get hurt or worse. You know how drug addicts are – he could get violent and not even realize it until it’s too late.”
During the three years we were together, he never laid a hand on me. I was the one who had the heavy touch. Sure, we had awful arguments that pushed me to the point of slapping and pushing him away, but he always stormed off before touching me. The drugs at the time weren’t as hardcore as they are now though. I could walk in his house and come back out with a bullet hole this time. Hannah was right – drugs fucked with people’s brain – I’m sure Nikki was already there.
“Are you gonna tell Wyatt?”
I slumped back in my seat at the thought of telling my Uncle Wyatt. To say he hated Nikki would be an understatement. He warned me from the beginning that Nikki Sixx would be nothing but trouble, but I didn’t listen. He was used to guys like Nikki – being a kid from the wrong side of the tracks himself. He made a promise that he would do everything he could to protect me from men like Nikki. We only had each other and when Nikki came into the picture, the worst type of thoughts ran through his head. He knew what guys like Nikki did to girls like me – innocent until proven insane. It happened to my mother – her infatuation sending her straight to the grave.
“I figured I would just call him when I got to California-“Her eyes growing large. “You know so he can’t talk me out of it or worse come and get me.”
She shook her head in disbelief, “You know I love you and I’ll support you in any way –“I felt a “but” coming along. “But –“She smiled. “This is one decision I’m very wary about, Bryant.”
I felt the same way. I had multiple scenarios playing like film reels over and over in my head. Some pretty good while others resembled horror movies. Even I knew that Nikki’s reaction to seeing me would not be a good one. He broke my heart, and I broke his even worse. Besides the band, I was his only true constant. He barely had any family – his grandparents living states away – not even aware of their grandson’s antics. Sure, the art of touring and going to different states brought about groupies and so-called friends but he didn’t have anyone to call or return home to. I was that person for him.
“You and me both, sister…”
I waited for the line to connect – the operator being nice enough to connect me straight to his room. Doc and I didn’t really have a relationship. He was Motley’s manager and at the time I was just a wife. I was glad the guys had him at first – their success was growing like a wildfire but that was because of their drive for stardom – Doc was just there lending a helping hand. He was extremely pissed when I ended things with Nikki. His own mouth spewing curse words my way once Nikki was served with divorce papers.
It makes the band look bad when a member gets divorced.
Nikki refuses to get out of bed and it’s all your fucking fault.
Girls all over the world would stay with Nikki no matter what – cheating, drugs – Learn to turn a blind eye.
“Hello?” I sat straighter as Doc’s voice sounded – my thoughts suddenly escaping me. “Hello?”
“It’s me.” My voice cracking. “I – uh – I got your message.”
“Oh, thank God, Bryant.” He sounded relieved. “I was worried that I would miss your call –“He paused. “Or if you would even call at all.”
I stayed silent – not really up for conversation.
“Listen, I know this is a bit of a tall ask, but I really do need your help. Nikki – hell all the guys for that matter – are ticking fucking time bombs. Nikki’s clock is etching closer to midnight ever second the fucker breaths – and I pray every night that he’s still doing so. He’s high ever second of every day. He shoots up when he wakes and right before he passes out for the night. I have no idea what he’s even taking anymore. Shooting up, snorting, smoking – he’s the walking picture of Nancy Reagan’s campaign.”
My grip on the phone tightened as he spoke – realizing that he was more far gone than thought.
“I need you to come out here and help us deal with him. I think Doug and Fred can deal with the other three, but we can’t get through to Nikki. Fuck, it’s not even Nikki anymore that we’re dealing with. He’s so mean and terrible to be around. His moods go from zero to sixty – it’s even worse when he’s coming down. Poor Tommy’s getting married, and I can’t even imagine Nikki standing up there with him when he’s high off his ass. You’re the only one that I think can get through to him – he still loves you, Bryant.”
He still loves you, Bryant.
Maybe the old version of Nikki was still in love, but I can assure you the drugged-up version was only in love with his high. That was Doc’s way of trying to lure me in – telling me that Nikki still loved and cared about me. I still loved and cared for the guy too – the Nikki I met at a 7-Eleven almost 6 years ago. Pre-Motley Crue – before the fame, drugs, egos, and women.
“I’ll pay for your ticket out here and everything if you agree, Bryant.” He stressed. “I’m desperate – he’s gonna die if we don’t do something.”
I let out a sigh, closing my eyes, asking myself if I really wanted to do this. It was a constant battle with my head and my heart. My brain was yelling at me to tell Doc to fuck off, but my heart couldn’t deal with the thought of Nikki no longer being here. “You think seeing me will snap him out of this spiral?”
“I think seeing you will probably piss him off more but at least I know you’ll be there and have the chance to stop him.”
My brows furrowed at his comment, “You’re making it sound like I’m gonna be with him at all times?”
His silence confirming my question. “You can’t expect me to stay in the same house, hotel room, or wherever with Nikki –“
“That’s exactly what you’re going to do, Bryant.” He cut me off. “I need that man to have constant surveillance – can’t put a bodyguard in there with him. He needs to have someone that he’s familiar with – someone that’s gonna remain sober and not give into his advances.”
“Then why don’t you stay with him then?” My attitude starting to come out.
“I’d end up killing him and then all of this would be for nothing.”
I shook my head as I pulled the phone away from my ear. I could hear Doc’s voice as he continued to talk. “Listen-“ I spoke up, cutting his sentence off. “I will come out there but I’m only there for a week. Once that week is up, whether he’s getting help or not, I’m going back home.”
“That’s not gonna work, Bryant.” He huffed. “He gets more fucked up when he’s out on the road than he does at home. These fuckers waiting in back alleys and backstage – knowing that he’s looking to score – that’s where I need you the most.
I’d been on tour with Motley when they were first getting their feet wet. I watched as they performed their first gig at the Starwood and then when they were opening for bigger acts like Ozzy. Going on tour with four men – the four Motley men was not for the faint of heart. I saw more body parts than I cared to see. Drugs, alcohol, and women were being pushed in their direction – more so as their popularity grew than before. Nikki and I shared a bunk and even that got old after a while. Living with four men for months on end would cause any woman to eventually lose it. Nikki and I were constantly fighting. Hell, I was fighting with everyone, even Mick at times. This was their dream, and it was my absolute living hell.
“I don’t th-“
“What do I need to do so you will say yes? Walk on water – swallow arsenic? Please, Bryant. I have never been so desperate in all of my life.” His voice wavering. “You were in love with this man at one point – I believe you may still love him. Just remember the reason why you fell in love with Nikki and do it for that reason."
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Left Behind ch.2, Nikki Sixx
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Word Count: 1.3k~
Read Chapter 1 here!
TW!: mention of prior drug and alcohol use, rehab, slight angst
Five months of being back in Los Angeles had proven to be just the same as when Nikki and I lived in Los Angeles all that time ago. The only difference was the new apartment I lived in and, of course, Nikki. I hadn’t spoken to him since the night we broke up, and it’s been slowly weighing on me as time goes on. Now six months pregnant, I try to find things that once made me happy like before, but it hasn’t been easy.
I don’t know how Nikki’s doing right now; I don’t even know where he is. The guys called me a lot when I first left, but I never answered their calls, and eventually, they slowly stopped. The only time I answered was when Mick tried calling me, and I explained where I had moved to and why; I didn’t tell him that I was pregnant, however. I hardly even turned on the TV anymore, too afraid to see a news report concerning his death from an overdose, only to be revived in an ambulance afterward.
Hearing what happened made me want to go to him and just make sure he was okay, but I felt like I couldn’t. I knew I was probably the last person he wanted to see, and sadly, I didn’t want to see Nikki the way I saw him before I left, strung out and barely holding onto himself as the heroin constantly coursed through his body. I don’t want memories like that coming to mind when my little girl eventually asks about her father. I want to be able to talk about the good moments we had before everything came crashing down, and I ended up where I am now.
Getting home from my shift as a hospital receptionist, I sit down on my couch and rest as my back relaxes from the reduced straining caused by my large bump. I didn’t think I’d be this big until maybe the last couple of months, but that’s not too far away. I just wish the swollen feet would go away. Out of everything, that has to be the worst part of my pregnancy.
Hearing a knock at my front door, I lift my head from the back of the couch and look toward it. In the time I have rented this place, no one ever comes to my door, not even solicitors.
Standing up from my couch, I walk over to the door before looking out the peephole, only to see an all too familiar figure. However, there are a few differences between him now and the last time I saw him. A small noticeable difference is the small strip of hair growing down his chin. On the other hand, the major difference is the healthy look he has, all while being nervous as he stands in front of my door. I’ve never seen Nikki insecure about anything, always finding confidence from somewhere.
Unlatching my door, I open it, Nikki’s eyes instantly catching mine as he comes into my full view. He doesn’t look sick like he used to, with the skin around his eyes no longer holding a purple hue to it and his cheeks appearing a tad fuller. By the looks of it, Nikki might even pass as clean to someone, but for me, I find myself in disbelief at the thought. I can’t assume anything and make myself hopeful like so many times before.
“Hi,” I murmur, completely lost as I stare at the man in front of me. He shyly smiles back, also appearing lost for words. Mick must’ve told him where I was since I haven’t told anyone else.
“Hi, baby,” he responds, his eyes flickering down to my noticeable bump before flashing back to mine, now wet with tears. “I’ve missed you, a lot… You have no idea.”
“Where have you been, Nikki?” I can’t help but ask, taking a step outside my door to fully face him. His arms awkwardly linger by his sides, not quite knowing what to do with them. A long time ago, Nikki would have instantly taken the chance to pull me close, but now, his actions are halted by uncertainty.
“In all honesty, I’ve been in rehab for the past several months,” he confesses, my eyebrows jolting in slight shock at his revelation. “Me and the guys, we all checked ourselves in. And now, we’re finally clean,” Nikki adds, his smile shining with a bit of pride now. At the same time, I also feel myself proud of him despite everything else.
“That’s great, Nikki,” I tell him, watching a tear slip from his eye. My instincts tell me to wipe it away from his cheek, but the hurt that remains holds me back from doing so.
“I-I know what I said when you left was horrible, and I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am,” Nikki tells me, causing the harsh memories to flow back into my mind. “I’m so sorry, baby. I never wanted to hurt you, and I’m sorry I did,” he continues, making me tear up as he steps forward to cup my cheek in his hand. “My memories of us were the only thing getting me through withdrawals, and every time I thought about the night you left, I broke down. I never wanted to lose you, and I never wanted you to go through anything alone.”
My eyes squeezed close at his last comment, the reminder of what he used to say to me, making my heart clench in my chest. “Two against the world,” I can hear his voice from long ago say. The words were a reminder that I wasn’t alone in anything I did; I had someone there to catch me if I fell. But I’ve been alone for a while now, and it’s not that easy for me to just open myself up to him all at once like before, unfortunately.
Seeing his eyes linger on my belly, I find the courage to take his hand in mine and rest it against my bump. “Why don’t you come inside, and we can talk some more,” I suggest, his hand ever so gentle as he runs it against my sweater. “I can show you pictures of our baby girl too, if you’d like,” My voice ends up in a whisper as I say the words I’ve wanted to tell Nikki ever since I discovered our baby’s sex.
At my comment, Nikki looks back at my face with even more tears clouding his eyes before pressing his lips to mine in the softest kiss Nikki has ever given me. His hand still remains on my belly, albeit his fingers are now intertwined with mine. I didn’t think I’d get to do this with Nikki again; I didn’t even know if I’d ever get to see him again.
Pulling away from the kiss, Nikki’s smiling face lingers in front of mine as he rubs his thumb against my cheek. His touch still remains gentle, careful with every move he makes. “I’d love to, baby,” he answers me, his voice choked up a bit. “I’d love to more than anything.”
Smiling back, I can’t help but feel more tears begin falling from my eyes. This feels almost unreal to me, and I can’t help but feel an overwhelming amount of emotions hit me all at once. Nikki holding me just like he used to is one of the best things I’ve ever experienced, and as he wipes away my incessant tears, I realize just how amazing this moment is. Nikki is clean, he knows about his little girl, and he’s finally back. The Nikki I once loved is back.
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littlecrow-rogue · 1 month
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Trough the Lens: A Mötley Crüe fanfiction - Chapter One
Hi!
So the other day I made a post aboute writing a Mötley Crüe Nikki Sixx x OC fanfiction.
I did it!
I am bit nerves posting it cause english is not my first language so this was a bit hard, and even tho I asked some help from Google and transolaters to fix my grammer mistakes probobly there are still some mistakes left or wrong usage of words. But I hope it's still enjoyable.
If you read this have fun and let me know if you think and if you'd like a second chapter for it.
XoX - V
Chapter 1: "The Beginning"
The band members of Mötley Crüe sat huddled around a cluttered table in Nikki's flat, the air thick with anticipation and the remnants of their brainstorming session. Empty beer bottles mingled with scattered papers, evidence of their search for the perfect promotional plan and a testament to the chaos of their creative minds.
Tommy tapped his fingers impatiently against the table, his dark eyes darting restlessly around the room in search for inspiration. The weight of their first gig hung heavy in the air, a silent reminder of the task at hand.
Suddenly, Nikki's voice shattered the silence, cutting through the haze of uncertainty that had settled over them.
"Alright, guys, time to get down to business," he declared, his tone commanding attention.
Vince lounged back with a smirk, tossing out a suggestion that earned a mixture of amusement and disdain
"A little spray-painted graffiti on the side of Sunset Boulevard could drum up some serious buzz”
Nikki shook his head with a wry smile.
"As much as I appreciate the guerrilla marketing approach, we need something more polished," he said, running a hand through his tousled hair as he leaned forward, his gaze fixed on his bandmates.
Mick nodded in agreement.
Nikki arched an eyebrow, his gaze locking onto Tommy’s with a curious intensity.
"Do you have any ideas, Tommy?"
A mischievous grin spread across Tommy's face as he leaned back in his chair, confidence radiating from every pore.
"Actually, I do," he declared, capturing the attention of his bandmates.
"My sister, Katie, she's a photographer. She could help us make some flyres with some killer shoots."
The mention of Tommy's sister piqued the band's interest. They had heard stories about Katie Lee, Tommy mentioned her a lot, but none of them had ever met her.
Mick, ever the pragmatist, cut to the heart of the matter with a single question.
"Is she any good?" he asked, his skepticism evident in his gravelly voice.
Tommy's response was immediate.
"She's incredible," he declared, his voice brimming with pride.
"She's been working as a photographer in downtown LA for the past two years, but she has been obsessed with photography since we were kids. Trust me, guys, she's the real deal. "
Vince grinned.
"Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go pay Katie a visit and see if she can work her magic for us."
As their car glided to a halt in front of SutterLux Studios, the first thing that caught their eyes was the imposing sign, polished to a mirror like perfection, a testament to the studio's prestige as it boldly announced its name to the world. It stood as a beacon of elegance amidst the bustling cityscape, its modern architecture a symphony of clean lines and sleek facades that mesmerized passersbys. Every detail, from the smooth curvature of the walls to the precise symmetry of the windows, spoke of craftsmanship and artistry that left an indelible impression on all who saw it. Surrounding the entrance, a meticulously curated garden, a lush oasis of greenery, provided a tranquility to the building's exterior.
As they stepped out of their car, the band's rock and roll style clashed brilliantly with the polished surroundings. Leather jackets, ripped jeans, and a smattering of tattoos made for a striking contrast against the backdrop of elegance.
Stepping into the studio, they were greeted by a receptionist girl seated at a marble-topped desk, her workspace packed with notepads and notebooks in neat order wich spoke volumes about her attention to detail. With a shy smile playing on her lips, she chirped a warm welcome, while her eyes scaned the group of men before her.
"Welcome to SutterLux! What can I help you?” her voice was light and airy.
Tommy leaned casually against the desk, flashing his trademark grin as he addressed her.
"Hey there, we're here to see Katie Lee. Is she available?" he inquired, his voice laced with confidence.
The receptionist's bashfulness only added to her charm as she inquired about their appointment, her eyes flitting towards the calendar as she searched for any openings.
"I'm her brother, and I just want to talk to her if she's free," Tommy explained with a nonchalant shrug, his charm evident in every word.
Recognition flickerd on the receptionist's face as she realized who Tommy was
"Oh, you're Katie's brother Tommy? She's mentioned you," she remarked, her shy tone melting into a warm, friendly demeanor.
"Let me see if she's available. Please take a seat. I'll be right back."
With a graceful gesture towards the plush black sofas on the other side, she disappeared into the depths of the studio, leaving the band members alone in the lobby. The air crackled with anticipation as Vince, Mick, and Nikki exchanged nervous glances, unsure of what to expect when they finally met Katie Lee.
As the receptionist girl reappeared with Katie by her side, the room seemed to brighten with her presence. Her fiery red hair cascaded down her shoulders like a waterfall of flames, framing her face with an aura of vibrant energy. Her eyes twinkled with a mischievous sparkle, and every step she took radiated confidence.
"Tommy!" Katie exclaimed, her voice filled with genuine delight as she enveloped her brother in a tight hug.
"What are you doing here?"
Tommy returned the hug with equal enthusiasm, his grin stretching from ear to ear.
"We came to see you, sis," he replied, pulling back to gaze at her with fondness.
"Who’s we?” she asked couriously as her gaze shifted to the other men standing behind Tommy, her smile widening at the sight of them.
"Nikki, Vince, and Mick," Tommy introduced, gesturing to each member of the band in turn. "Guys, this is my sister, Katie."
The band members exchanged greetings with Katie, their admiration for her evident in their eyes. Her easygoing demeanor and magnetic charm left an impression on each of them, drawing them in with her infectious energy.
"Do you have a little time to spare for us sis?” Tommy asked eagerly.
"I hope so.” Katie replied with a grin.
"Sam, when's my next client scheduled to arrive?" Katie turned to the receptionist girl, who quickly returned to her desk.
Sam scanned the schedule and checked the clock on the wall before responding,
"You've got about an hour and twenty minutes until your next appointment."
Katie nodded thoughtfully.
"Great. In that case, why don't we head over to that coffee shop down the street? We can grab a table and chat," she suggested, turning back to the band with a warm smile.
"Sounds like a plan," Tommy cheered, his excitement matching hers as they left the building.
As Katie and the band strolled down the bustling streets of downtown LA, the city pulsed with an electrifying vitality and amidst the vibrant chaos, they sought refuge at a quaint corner table in a cozy café, where the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee enveloped them like a warm embrace.
After placing their orders, Nikki leaned forward, his piercing blue eyes fixed on Katie.
"So, Katie, Tommy's been singing your praises as a kickass photographer," his voice as smooth as silk. "We're on the hunt for someone with your skills to help us make a splash with our upcoming gig."
Katie nodded, her interest piqued.
"I'm all ears," she replied, leaning back in her chair.
Tommy, unable to contain his excitement, leaned forward eagerly.
"We've headlining at the Starwood Club next month," he announced, a grin spreading across his face. "But we're not just looking to play; we want to rock the joint!"
"And to light up that stage, we need some badass posters, flyers, and all that jazz, something that draws  a lot of people in" Vince chimed in, his voice hyped.
Katie soaked up their vibe, a glint of excitement dancing in her eyes.
"Consider it done" she declared, a smirk tugging at her lips.
"But first could guys maybe show some of your music for me? Just to get a better image of Mötley Crüe.”
The band exchanged looks, a smirk playing on their lips.
"We'll crank up the amps and give you a taste," Tommy promised, a grin spreading across his face.
"You just got a backstage pass to our sonic circus," Nikki added, a playful twinkle in his eye.
"Why don't we invite you to my place? We've got a rehearsal space set up there, so you can experience what we're all about."
Katie's eyes gleamed with excitement.
"That sounds perfect," she exclaimed, a radiant smile gracing her lips.
"Then it's settled," Mick declared with a decisive nod. "We'll make our way to Nikki's place once we're done here."
With the first part of their plan solidified, the band and Katie lingered over their drinks, their conversation flowing with easy.
As the time drew near for Katie's next appointment, the group decided to escort her back to work. Upon the arrival, Katie vanished into the studio to finish her job for the day.
As the band settled into the reception hall, time seemed to stretch out before them, each minute feeling like an eternity as they waited with for Katie's return.
At long last, the door creaked open, and Katie emerged with a satisfied smile playing on her lips.
"Sorry for the wait, guys," Katie apologized, her voice carrying a note of excitement as she joined the band.
"I'm ready to roll now."
With a renewed sense of anticipation, Katie and the band made their way to Nikki's car, the excitement practically crackling in the air around them. As they headed to the Sunset Strip, Katie couldn't suppress the thrill bubbling within her, eager to delve deeper into the realm of rock 'n' roll.
Arriving at Nikki's apartment building, Katie was greeted by a surge of excitement at the thought finally getting to know the band wich her brother was part of.
As Mötley Crüe and Katie entered Nikki's flat, they were greeted by a space that perfectly encapsulated the rock 'n' roll lifestyle. Posters of iconi musicans adorned the walls, while instruments were scattered haphazardly around the room. Amplifiers hummed softly in the background, hinting at the music that was created within these walls.
The furniture was a mix of vintage pieces and modern comforts, giving the space a lived-in yet stylish vibe. A plush couch sat against one wall, its cushions worn from years of use, while a sleek bar area beckoned from the corner, stocked with an impressive array of spirits.
Nikki led the group into the room with a grin, gesturing for them to make themselves at home. "Welcome to my humble abode, where the magic happens" he said, a twinkle in his eye turning to Katie
"Make yourself comfortable."
As Katie and the rest of the band settled in, Nikki made his way to the fridge, a mischievous glint in his eye.
"Alright, folks, what'll it be?" he called out, opening the fridge door to reveal an assortment of beverages.
"Beer, wine, whiskey? You name it, I've got it."
The band members exchanged glances, a collective smirk crossing their faces.
"Surprise us, Nikki," Vince replied, a playful edge to his voice.
Nikki chuckled as he retrieved a selection of drinks from the fridge, passing them out to the group with a flourish. As the band settled in with their drinks, Nikki turned to Katie with a grin.
"Are you ready for your private show, Katie?" he asked, his eyes alight with anticipation.
Katie's face broke into a wide smile.
"Absolutely," she replied, excitement coursing through her veins as she leand back comfortably in the couch, drink in hand. With a casual ease, she propped her legs up on the coffee table, fixing her gaze on the band with eager anticipation.
With that the band took their place on the stage, wich was the other side of Nikki’s living room, and launched into their first song. The music was filling the room with its raw energy. Katie's eyes danced with delight as she listened, completely captivated by the electrifying performance unfolding before her.
Song after song, Mötley Crüe poured their hearts and souls into their music, each note resonating with passion and intensity. Katie couldn't help but be swept away by the sheer talent and charisma of the band, her appreciation for their music growing with each passing moment.
As the final chords faded into silence, Tommy and Nikki took their seats on either side of Katie, their faces flushed with exhilaration. Vince and Mick settled into the armchairs surrounding the coffee table, their expressions mirroring the sense of accomplishment that filled the room.
"So, Katie, what did you think?" Nikki asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice.
Katie's eyes sparkled with enthusiasm as she took a sip of her drink, considering her response.
"I loved it," she said, her voice filled with genuine admiration.
"Each song had its own unique energy"
With the mood buoyed by Katie's praise, she launched into her ideas for the flyers and posters, drawing inspiration from the music she had just heard.
The band members listened intently, nodding in agreement as Katie outlined her vision for the promotional materials.
"I love it," Vince exclaimed, his eyes shining with enthusiasm.
"It sounds like you really understand our vibe and what we're all about."
Katie smiled, feeling a surge of pride at the band's reaction.
 "I'm glad you think so," she replied.
"I can't wait to get started and see what we can create together."
As the excitement of their collaboration filled the room, Katie and the band members of Mötley Crüe quickly settled on a date for the photoshoot.
"How about Saturday, two days from now?" Katie suggested, her eyes alight with enthusiasm.
The band members exchanged eager nods, they couldn’t wait to see Katie's vision come to life. "Sounds good to us," Nikki replied, a grin spreading across his face.
"We'll make sure we're ready to rock and roll."
With the date set and plans in motion, the group toasted to their upcoming photoshoot, excitement buzzing in the air. As they continued to chat and laugh late into the evening, Katie couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation for the creative journey that lay ahead.
As the evening wore on and the excitement of their collaboration began to wind down, the band members of Mötley Crüe started to make their exit.
Vince, with a mischievous glint in his eye, rose from his seat, his voice laced with playful banter.
"Alright folks, see you on Saturday. I'm off to see my girl" he declared, his announcement met with teasing cheers from the rest of the group.
Shortly there after, Mick followed suit, offering a nod of farewell before vanishing into the nocturnal embrace of the city.
Tommy glanced at his watch, realizing it was time to pick up his new flame.
"I better get going, my date is waiting" he said, flashing a grin at the others.
"New girl?” Katie asked quirosly.
"We will see” he answered with a huge smile still plaster on his face
"But before I head out, Nikki, do you mind taking Katie home?"
 "I'd be happy to make sure she gets home safely." Nikki nodded in agreement, a warm smile on his face.
Katie smiled gratefully
"Thank you, Nikki," she said
"I appreciate it."
With goodbyes exchanged Tommy dissapiered and soon after Nikki and Katie made their way down from the flat to Nikki's car, the cool night air greating them as they stepped out side. They exchanged casual banter as they walked, their laughter echoing off the surrounding buildings.
 "So, Nikki, where did you and my brother crossed paths?" she asked, a hint of amusement in her voice.
Nikki's gaze drifted to the road ahead, a nostalgic smile gracing his lips as he recounted the story.
"Well, it was after I had a falling out with my former band's singer and decided to quit London," he began, his voice tinged with nostalgia.
"I was feeling pretty lost and unsure of what to do next."
He paused for a moment, lost in thought, before continuing.
"I found myself sitting in a diner, flipping through the ads of musicians looking to join a band," he explained.
"That's when Tommy walked up to me out of the blue."
A smile tugged at the corners of Nikki's lips as he recalled the memory.
"He was this cocky guy with wild hair and an even wilder personality," he said.
 "I remember him saying he had my poster on his bedroom wall” he laughed and Katie started giggeling next to him.
"And then he just seated himself infront of me and started twireling his drum sticks and as they say the rest is histroy”
Katie glanced over at Nikki, a smile playing at the corners of her lips.
"It's amazing how things just seem to fall into place sometimes," she remarked, her voice filled with admiration.
"It's like the universe has a way of bringing people together when they need it."
Nikki nodded in agreement, a thoughtful expression on his face.
"Yeah, it's funny how life works out like that," he replied, his voice tinged with reflection. "Sometimes the most unexpected encounters can change the course of your life in ways you never imagined."
They fell into a comfortable rhythm of conversation, sharing stories and laughter as they made their way through the city streets. Before they knew it, they had arrived at Katie's apartment building, the glow of the streetlights casting a warm halo around them.
As Nikki pulled up to the curb, he turned to Katie with a smile.
"Well, here we are," he said, his tone lighthearted.
"Thanks for the company, Katie. I had a great time tonight."
Katie returned his smile, a sense of warmth and gratitude filling her chest.
"Thank you for the ride, Nikki," she replied, her voice sincere.
With a final wave goodbye, Katie stepped out of the car and watched as Nikki drove off into the night. As she made her way up to her apartment, a sense of contentment washed over her, grateful for the unexpected connection she had formed with Nikki and the band.
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ali-r3n · 2 years
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Nikki Sixx x Reader
While lounging by the pool, you and your husband Nikki Sixx get up to a little fun
A hint of smut 
This is my first time writing and posting this kind of story. 
Minors DNI
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Dressed in a red bikini, Y/N laid on her stomach. A towel between her revealed skin and the lounge chair. Her eyes were closed behind her giant sunglasses as she rested her cheek against her folded arms. 
She jumped with a squeak when a calloused hand came down on one of her ass cheeks. The impact made them jiggle.  
She looked over at the lounge next to her where her husband Nikki sat, a shit eating grin on his face. 
I should’ve known, she thought as she pushed her glasses down so that he could see her blank stare. 
“Sorry Babe,” he started in a voice that implied that he was anything but. “I couldn’t resist. You know how hard it is for me to keep my hands off of you.” 
He leaned in with a mischievous gleam in his gaze.
Y/N playfully rolled hers at him and reached down to grab the bottle of sunscreen from her bag. She gently tossed it at him before she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. 
“Here, if you can’t keep them to yourself, at least make them useful.” 
Nikki. picked up the bottle with a grin. He moved to sit beside his wife on the lounge chair and uncapped it to squirt some of it into his palm. He placed the bottle down on his black jean clad lap and rubbed his hands together before he messaged it into her skin. 
Y/N let out a content sigh and a lazy smile spread on her face. 
“You like that, Baby?” 
“Mmmm, a little harder.”
She let out a groan when he applied more pressure. 
“Just like that, Nikki.”
She closed her eyes and laid her cheek back on her arms. 
One of his greased hands slid down her spine and underneath her bathing suit bottom. She blinked her eyelids open and looked over her shoulder at him.
“Nik, I don’t need sunscreen down there.”
He ran a finger over her lips which made her breath hitch and her body shudder. 
“Just act casual.” 
Y/N laid her temple on her arms and bit down on her bottom lip when he slipped a finger into her wet, willing body. A small noise slipped from her throat as she watched a smirk spread on his face.  
“Nikki,” she moaned, quietly. 
He gave her a wink. 
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Across the pool, Tommy reached over and smacked Vince’s chest to get the Singer’s attention. 
“Ow. What?”
The Drummer motioned to Nikki and his wife with his head. “Are they doing what I think they are doing?” 
Vince, Mick, and Tommy squinted over at the couple. 
“Yep,” Mick replied. “They’re doing what you think they are, Drummer.”
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cruecifymesixx · 4 years
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Love and Leather /part fifty nine/
Word Count: 7k
A/N: in honor of Mötley Crüe rising from the dead, we’re getting closer to what everyone has been so patient for! Enjoy! I’m pairing ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ from the playlist with this chapter.
Warnings: Language, angst, Vanity having a mental breakdown in therapy
Taglist:  @brideofdraculana , @xstarryeyes , @aryssav , @miserablecunt  @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol , @anntheboneless, @venus-calum, @justjodeye, @supernaturalvikingwhore, @are-we-real, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent, @romanticvengeance , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy, @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @swoopygorl, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @wheresmyvodkabitch, @waywardprincess666, @malibubarbievince, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @zoenicoles,  @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist @emmaelizabeth2014, @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @cranberribread, @lauravic, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @sleepyjunhong @lovemythsworld @meetthesixxter @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks, @unknownoblivion, @xpoisonousrosesx, @love-struck-aries, @lavendersoundbarrier, @oskea93, @idumpyourgrass, @minxtruck, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @xsixxx, @fentitrbl, @cruesixxlover1991, @kaitieskidmore1, @arianareirg, @kellysimagines​
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-April, 17th, 1995-
*Vanity’s POV*
I walked through the doors, a security guard opening them up for me prior, “Welcome, Miss Blackwood. Haven’t seen you in a while.”
I looked over at him, “Trying to save money.” I said with a wink as he let out a laugh. I was currently out shopping while Arianna was at school still. I was trying to find ways to keep me busy and out of trouble while Clementine was out of town. Who needed therapy when sliding my credit cards gave me the same relaxation?
Tommy had finally grew some hair on his balls and asked Clementine to be his girlfriend and that train is moving at full speed. So, in Tommy Lee fashion he had already whisked her off to California to meet his family and of course, meet the band. I wasn’t too excited about that part.
*Flashback, Vanity’s POV*
“So Tommy asked me to come to California this weekend.” Clementine said as I stopped mid bite to stare at her. I swallowed before reaching for my water.
“Already? It hasn’t even been a month..” I trailed off as she nodded.
“Yeah, I know that. But, I’ve never been to California and I think it would be fun. He wants to introduce his parents to me.”
I chuckled, “Has he took you ring shopping yet?”
Clementine rolled her eyes at me, “Fuck off, we’re going slow.” I laughed before I continued eating.
“His parents are cool and so is Athena. I’ve met them a few times. Athena is with what’s his face. He was in Scorpions.” I pointed out as Clementine nodded.
She was quiet for a moment before she looked over at me, “He also wants to introduce me to the band...”
I stared at her for what felt like forever, “The band? What band?” I got up and threw away my food as I wasn’t hungry anymore.
She chuckled, “Vanity, I’ll tell Tommy I’m not ready to meet them yet. He mentioned something about Nikki wanting to throw a BBQ and have us and everyone else over.”
I frowned, “No, no. It’s okay. Tommy wants you too so you should.” I shrugged.
“Just uh-“ I cleared my throat, “Don’t say anything about me or Arianna, or knowing us or just anything. I know you know that already, but still.”
She nodded and reached across the table to hold my hand for a brief second, “I know that. Please, with everything I’ve heard from you and Tommy, I already can’t stand the guy.”
I shook my head with a little smirk on my lips, “Form your own opinion of him. Nikki Sixx is a nice guy when he wants to be.”
*End flashback*
So, they arrived in California yesterday and were going to my old house later today to meet everyone. I’m not worried about anything I know Clementine would never, ever say anything. And I’m not worried about Tommy either. I mean, I know he’s internally combusting due to having to keep it to himself, but I also trust Tommy to not say anything either.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a burgundy dress that had a slit going up the side of it and had golden gemstones trailing along the hem of the bust line. I walked over to it, reaching out for it as it looked just like my size. When I grabbed it, I saw a manicured hand reaching for it as well, “I saw it first.” I stared at the ring on her finger before looking at her, feeling my blood turn to molten lava as it rushed through me. I felt my heart beat in my ears as I continued to look at her.
“Oh really? Because my hand is- Oh! Vanity! You do live!” Brandi cackled as she tried tugging the dress out of my hand.
I gripped the dress a tad hard as I spoke through gritted teeth, “Yeah, I live. Now give me my dress.”
Brandi brushed a piece of hair out of her face, “It isn’t yours. You haven’t even bought it yet.” She tugged again, this time pulling me along with her.
“Oh, by the way, thanks for the few dresses you left behind. They fit me really well.” She taunted as I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, you’re welcome. I bet it feels nice to wear things outside of your budget since playboy didn’t work out.” I pulled on the dress, careful to not rip the delicate fabric.
She laughed in my face, “Oh don’t worry about that. Marrying Nikki made up for it. You know, something you never got to do.”
“Is that a diamond? I can’t tell with how small it is. Mine was way bigger than that.” I smirked, poking fun at her wedding ring as she let out a scoff.
“I’m sure I could easily get a bigger one with his credit card.”
I frowned, what a fucking cunt.
“He’s not...He isn’t your personal bank Brandi. Give me the fucking dress.” I tugged on it as she came towards me this time, “Hope you’re enjoying my sloppy seconds you stupid whore.”
She let out a laugh, “Oh, I’ve been enjoying redecorating that house of yours. You have a very tacky taste.” She rolled her eyes, “There’s plenty of other dresses your precious little oil money can buy you.”
“That house is beautiful and my taste is clearly good enough for you to come in and steal Nikki from me.” I pulled on the dress more roughly, watching her stumble over her own heels.
She tugged it back, “Well, I tried to get a new house but he cried like a little bitch every time about it being your house.”
“Because it is MY house! Just like how that’s MY bed.”
Brandi shook her head, a proud smirk on her lips, “I don’t see you getting fucked in it.”
I was seeing red by this point, “Fuck you. Give me the god damn dress!” I pulled on it, starting to walk away as I dragged her through the store with me.
“Could’ve at least-“ she muttered, pulling on it and making me stop, “At least sent your mutt back if he knew where you lived.”
I turned around, glaring “If you do anything to my dog Brandi, I swear I will kill you.”
She chuckled, “Don’t worry sweetie, Nikki won’t let me get rid of her. I’ve already tried.”
I shook my head, feeling angry tears beginning to bubble to the surface, “Brandi, please just let me have the dress. You’ve already taken everything from me.”
I saw her expression change, “He has no idea you’re here, does he?” She questioned, almost with a surprised tone in her voice.
I stared, “I’m...I’m just visiting.”
“So, you’ve seen Tommy?” She questioned, eyebrow raised as I shook my head, “You and this chick are the reason he flies out here all the time. Honey, he’s already checked all of California and Texas. I’m sure he would love to know where’ve you been hiding the last little while.”
I felt my bottom lip tremble, “Brandi, please don’t tell him. I...I don’t want him. You can have him.”
If I didn’t get out of this store soon I was going to have a full on meltdown. I felt like my heart was going to beat straight out my chest.
Brandi chuckled, “Don’t worry Vanity. I know he still loves you, it’s pathetic really. But I don’t want divorce papers so I’ll pretend I never saw you, if you let go of this dress.”
“I don’t- I don’t want him back! Just give me the dress! You’ve already ruined my life and this is how you repay me!” I tugged on it as Brandi let go of it and caused me to bump into a glass vase holding flowers. It fell off the table and to the marble flooring, completely shattering all over.
“Oops.”
I glared at her, “You stupid homewrecking cunt!” I groaned when the security guard from earlier came over, “Yeah, I’m going to pay for it.”
He glances between us, “Both of you leave before I decide it was the both of you who made the mess.”
I rolled my eyes, “Can I at least pay for this first so this rat doesn’t have it?” I asked him sweetly as he nodded with a smile, “Yes, of course Miss Blackwood.”
I smiled at Brandi before going to pay for the dress. They folded it up in tissue paper before putting it in a black bag. I thanked them before walking out the door. I could feel Brandi following me by the the sounds of her heels clicking against the sidewalk at a rapid pace, and cause of the steam she was blowing off.
“What? Nothing better to do?” I said with a snarky laugh as I unlocked my car and put the bag inside.
“You are such a bitch. No wonder why Nikki wanted me over you.”
I quickly turned around as she took a step back away from me, “We were fucking happy!!” I shouted at her as she rolled her eyes.
“But we’re you really though?” She smirked, fumbling with her purse as she got her keys out, “Cause if so, he wouldn’t have been fucking me in the shower for you to see.”
I stared at her, holding my keys in my fist, “Piss off Brandi!”
“It was nice seeing you again, Vanity. I had a fun time catching up.” She laughed before turning her back to me and walking to her Bentley. It took everything in my being not to attack her from behind. I watched as she drove away from me as I got into my car, slamming the door shut.
I sat in silence for a moment, before I started hitting the steering wheel to let out my frustrations. I raked my nails through my hair as I began to cry. I couldn’t catch my god damn breath.
“Fuck...” I croaked out, clutching my chest as I leaned back into the seat.
I need to call Jason.
*a week later, Vanity’s POV*
I watched the rain droplets hit the windshield as I listened to a loud crack of thunder rumble above me. I sighed and looked towards the therapist office doors before leaning my head against the steering wheel. I had made an appointment for today last week. The whole Brandi showing up here has successfully gotten under my skin. I really tried to not let it bother me but that stupid Skank got the better of me. Go figure.
I peered over my shoulders and out the windows, checking to see if anyone was around the parking lot with me. Everyone seemed occupied and didn’t care enough what I was doing. I quickly dug out the small baggie in my front pocket jason had given me early this morning. I groaned, I was already almost out and I wouldn’t see Jason for a few days since he would be out of town. I shook it off and dumped the remaining bit on the center console, I had enough for maybe two lines. My fingers trembled over a twenty I had in the cup holder as I rolled it into a make shift straw before snorting it.
I rubbed my nose before looking at the time. Shit, I was gonna be late regardless if I was sitting in the parking lot or not. I wiped off the residue before grabbing my purse and a umbrella as I stepped out of the car and went to the doors.
I closed the umbrella as I stepped into one of the office doors, hearing the faint tranquil music again. Hey, they got a new water feature this time. I stepped up to the window and signed in on the sheet.
I sat down, holding my purse in my lap as I popped a gum bubble. I wasn’t too excited about having to be here together. But, I figure the responsible thing to do was talk about it and not disappear for a whole day while I drown my sorrows in blow and alcohol. One step at a time, I guess.
Just, the thing about Brandi is she isn’t even remorseful for what she did to me. Practically ruined my whole entire life. Not saying having Arianna ruined my life, she makes it so much better. But maybe this is just how the world works sometimes? Maybe this was how it was supposed to be all along.
“Vanity Blackwood?”
I smiled at the nurse as I followed her to the back, “How are you?” I asked as she looked over my shoulder.
“Great, thanks for asking.” She said in a fake cheery voice as I rolled my eyes, “Dr. Watson will be with you shortly.” I nodded as I went into her office and sat down on the couch. She had jelly beans in a crystal dish this time. I picked out the blue ones and popped them into my mouth.
I let out a huff as I waited patiently. I looked up at the clock on the wall, Arianna would be out of preschool in about two hours. Maybe I should get some food after this, I haven’t ate today and I think I probably should.
There was a knock on the door and then Dr. Watson came in, “Hello Vanity.” She extended her hand as I shook it with a smile. She sat down across from me as I leaned back into the couch.
“Surprised to see me?” I questioned as she let out a chuckle, “No, I knew you would come back to therapy when you were ready, not when someone had asked you to go.”
I sniffled and rubbed my nose, “Yeah, I figured now would be a good time to come.”
She put on her glasses as she pulled out some papers, “Are those from last time? You keep them?”
She nodded, “Yes, in your patient folder. It’s a nice way to see the progress if there is any. So, what brings you in today?”
I chuckled a bit, “Well, I don’t know really. I just wanted to talk to someone.” I explained as she waited for me to continue, “So I wouldn’t like disappear again and come home extremely intoxicated.”
She chewed on her pen as she examined me with her eyes, “What about now? Are you intoxicated? You’re quite fidgety.” She pointed to my fingers that were tapping against the fabric of the couch.
I licked my bottom lip, “Uh, no. Just a habit.” I chuckled nervously as she jotted something down.
“Okay, well how is the drug use?” She questioned as I frowned.
“I Uh...-“ I cleared my throat, “I’m still using, but really only when I’m with Jason.” 
She nodded, “And how many times a week are you with Jason?” I shrugged, “I dunno, like every other day. He’s been staying the night at my house sometimes.”
“Are you two serious now?” I shook my head, “Well, how come?”
“I don’t want him to be my boyfriend.” I bluntly said as she seemed to be confused, “I can sleep with a guy and he doesn’t have to be my boyfriend. It’s a casual thing.” I shrugged, reaching for more jelly beans.
Lilian took off her glasses and rubbed them against her blouse, “Well, I know you didn’t come here to talk about Jason. So what do you want to talk about Vanity?” She asked, smiling at me as I chewed on my bottom lip.
“Okay, last week I went shopping and I ran into Brandi. And we got into a verbal argument and then she followed me to my car and continued arguing with me.”
“Whose Brandi?”
I sighed, “Nikki’s mistress or wife or whatever the hell you want to call her.” I watched as she picked up her pen and jotted that down on the paper.
“The Nikki you didn’t want to talk about it I remember it correctly?” She questioned as I nodded.
“We um...we can talk about him.” It was like ripping off the bandage on a wound that wasn’t fully healed yet.
“Only if you want too.” She gave me a reassuring smile as I nodded.
I sat in silence as I stared at her for a solid minute. I chewed on my bottom lip as every memory that I’ve chosen to block out flooded back into my head. I felt a lump in the back of my throat, and boy was I fucking suffocating on it. Was all of this because of him? Me being pregnant and not being able to deal with it properly? Basically hiding away all the emotions so I could raise my daughter, our daughter?
“How about we talk about the argument first?” She suggested as I sucked in a fresh of breath air.
“She um, she wanted a dress I already had my hands on and she was just saying mean stuff I guess. Stuff like, ‘oh guess you should be use to me taking what’s yours’. Just petty bullshit like that, which usually wouldn’t get under my skin but it did. Then she threatened to tell Nikki where I was and I’m scared he’s just gonna show up here.”
“Why are you scared of him showing up? Are you scared of Nikki?” She questioned, her voice sounding concerned.
I quickly shook my head, “No, god no I’m not scared of Nikki himself. I just know Nikki, and I know how upset he would be with me and how he would react.”
“Upset over you not telling him he has a child?” I nodded in agreement, “He would hate me. He would be so devastated.”
“How do you know Nikki would hate you?” I shrugged, “I just know.”
“Well, how did you react to the argument?”
“I wanted to grab her by her fucking pencil neck and snap it. I wanted to bash her head into my windshield. I wanted to hurt her, really, really badly.”
Lilian looked concerned and mildly terrified, “But I didn’t. I stayed calm. Yeah sure I argued back, but I didn’t do anything to her.”
She grabbed her cup of coffee and took a sip before she decided to speak again, “Can we talk about Nikki again?”
I sighed, “Sure. Nikki, Uh...Nikki and I started off as friends who ended up sleeping with each other. Nikki caught feeling before I did. Uh, I don’t know? He got sober after dying for like a few minutes and then we got together. Nothing to special about us...or what use to be us.”
“He died? And then got sober?” I nodded, “Yeah, he’s a heroin junkie, or was one. He and his band mates went to rehab for a year.”
“Band mates?” I chuckled, “You know...band mates. He’s in a band. Um, Nikki Sixx? He plays the bass in-“
“Mötley Crüe.” She said with a smile as I nodded.
“Well, your breakup was quite publicized. So now it makes sense to me. That’s why you left California because you were pregnant. Huh.” She let out a huff as she wrote some things down.
“Are you judging me now?” I asked, my voice becoming timid as she gave me a smile and shook her head.
“Of course not. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to help.” I nodded as I reached for another handful of candy.
She continued, “Can you tell me about your relationship with Nikki? You said he had feelings for you first?”
“Yeah, he did. I denied mine for a long time. I mean, it took him dying for me to tell him because I was so scared of a life without him. Before he was sober, we were always fighting, arguing, bickering. All of it. We were constantly at each other’s throat. We weren’t healthy for one another at that time. We’d make each other mad on purpose. But if anyone tried talking like that to either him or myself, we’d protect one another. We always had each other’s back.”
“I didn’t take him serious half the time when he’d tell me how he felt about me because he was always high, constantly sneaking away to go shoot up. I can’t tell you how many times I had to get him ready before his concert because he was so out of it. Plus, he’s a rockstar. He didn’t need a girlfriend at the the time holding him back. I knew the whole time what I meant to him.”
“And after he became sober?” She butted in as I looked at her.
I chuckled, “Nik was a total different person. He was more level headed and calm to approach. He was happier too. He made better choices about every aspect in his life. The music sounded better too. He was the man I knew he could be. He had bought a house for us in Hidden Hills. Beautiful, marvelous house. It was my dream home and he got it just for me. He got me a dog, her name is Anarchy. I think she’s six now? Sure, we still argued a bit but it was nothing like before. We weren’t screaming and we weren’t about to rip each other’s hair out. We were in love.”
I felt that itch in the back of my throat again, it was tightening around me like a vise, “He dealt with my crabby grandparents when they completely tore him to shreds when I took him to meet them in Texas. I knew Nikki wouldn’t of had a chance against them. I came home high on coke one time after a friends birthday party and I brought drugs into the house that same night. I wish I didn’t do that. And he even tried being nice about it! But I was just a bitch to him! He stayed calm until I started pressing his buttons. I spent almost twenty thousand dollars of his own money shopping with his credit card all while bringing home a four hundred thousand dollar car. He always called me a spoiled brat but he’d say it while giving me a kiss and a smile.”
I frowned as I got up and went over to the water dispenser. I felt her eyes on me the entire time. I threw the cup away before coming to sit back down in front of her, “Okay, can you just tell me about Nikki? Nothing else. None of the fights, none of the bad things. Just Nikki.”
I gave her a weak nod, “Nikki, yeah…Nikki. He loves his music and he’s super talented when it comes to writing lyrics. He could write you a song in less then thirty minutes. Nikki just has this…this dominant, assertive presence about him. It’s not bad, it’s more of a ‘he knows what he wants and if you don’t give it to him he’s going to get it himself whether you like it or not’. But at the same time he’s extremely soft and very, very sensitive. He would do anything for the ones closest around him. He’s funny, charming, caring, he can either be your best friend or your worse enemy. It’s just all based off of how you treat him.”
I reached for some candy, “Or that’s how he was-“ I shrugged, “Sixx coulda changed. It’s been a while.”
I watched as she closed her notebook and put it on the table, “Now, tell me how Nikki was with you.” She retorted as the smile left my face.
“Oh, um.” I stared at her and twiddled with my thumbs, “I don’t know. It’s been so long.”
“Vanity.” Lilian said my name sternly, “Stop beating around the bush.” My lips parted in shock just a bit over her demand.
“Nikki, was uh..he was great. He was wonderful to me. I know others would think not due to our history and the fighting. But we never cared about their opinions. Wasn’t their relationship to deal with.”
“I was with Nikki, friends with Nikki for a good chunk of my life. We did everything together. He um…Nikki was my best friend.” I felt my eyes swell up with tears, “He was the love of my life. I can’t even begin to put into words how happy he made me, how happy we made each other. He didn’t give a shit that I was some billionaire princess who knew nothing about the real world and I didn’t care that he was a scared, drug induced guy running around the world playing a guitar for a living.” I wiped my face on my sleeve as I took a moment to collect my thoughts.
“Nikki did everything for me. He would’ve done anything to make me smile, to make me laugh, to make me feel safe. He could make me loose my breath with just one simple look. That smirk of his just fit so god damn perfectly on sculpted jaw, I fucking hated it. I couldn’t even be mad about it.”
“And then, how did it end? What happened?”
I shook my head, “We got engaged. He got me such a beautiful ring. It was perfect.” I sighed, “He was home on a break from touring for a little bit and I had found out I was pregnant and I came home and he was getting sucked off by Brandi.”
I let out a laugh, wiping a falling tear away from my cheek, “I fucking told him he should’ve just died when he overdosed. I had never felt that much anger before. For him to do that to me! When he’s suppose to be the fucking good guy after getting clean! He wasn’t suppose to fucking do that to me! We were suppose to be better!!” I shouted, getting worked up as she let me.
“We were finally going to be happy and be together! And after everything he put me through he goes and fucks some stupidly gorgeous playboy bunny?! And fucking marries her while I’m here taking care of his daughter!? And yeah! Save me the fucking rant, I know I should’ve told him but I didn’t! I couldn’t!”
Ever so calmly, “And why didn’t you?”
“Because I was fucking hurt!! Because Nikki fucking had my heart in the palm of his hands and fucking tore it to shreds!! I was heartbroken and I ran!! I couldn’t fucking look him in the eye and tell him he was gonna be a father! To know I had created a child with someone who would fucking do this! That would toss years and years of chasing each other around down the fucking drain! That the moment I got him finally I wouldn’t really be able to have him!”
“And the most fucked up thing about this all is, he tried to fucking fix it! He tried his god damn hardest to get me back home to him! He called every fucking day at least four times! Leaving voicemails on my moms answering machine! How much he loved me and how much he needs me!”
I rolled my eyes, “All the, ‘Doll, I love you. You know I love you. Please just come back home’ and all the ‘Princess, just let me fix it. I can fucking fix it if you let me.’” I mocked his stupid voice as I grabbed the tissue Lilian was handing over to me.
“He even wrote a dumb letter to me! I never read it. My mom sent it back to our house and then blocked his number the same day. I never heard anything else until Tommy came to New York.”
I wiped my nose, seeing blood on the tissue, “God damnit!” I yelled, snatching the box of tissues away from her hand as I plugged up my nose. Bloody noses have been happening a lot lately.
“Why would he fucking do this to me?! How could he even think about bringing another woman into our house?! He fucking had me! He had every part of me and he just threw me to the fucking side like I meant jack shit to him!” I cried, feeling hot and heavy tears stream down my face.
Lilian shifted in her chair, “I don’t know. I may have some answers but I don’t have them all. The only person that can tell you why is Nikki himself.”
“He already said he didn’t know.” I pointed out, “He said it when I left him standing in our driveway.”
“Vanity, I think you are dealing with something extremely traumatic. Even if it doesn’t seem that way to you. A breakup can alter the human body in ways we don’t understand. It can cause a change in appetite, it can quite frankly give you a broken heart. It changes the chemical balance in your brain too.”
“In a easier way to put it, your brain got a taste of a real, true, passionate love and now it doesn’t know what to do with itself without it. Hence the reason why you are addicted to cocaine and the reason why you are sitting across from me higher than a kite. The eyes never lie, Vanity.”
I took the bloody tissue out of my nose, “So what? My brain is broken because it isn’t getting any love? I have my friends and my daughter and my family. I know I’m loved.” I stared at her, tasting the saltiness from the corner of my mouth, “How do you fix me?”
She let out a chuckle, “I can only do so much. The rest is up to you, Vanity.” I stared at her as she took off her glasses and came to sit by me on the couch, “You don’t need to be fixed. You aren’t broken. I like to tell my patients that they are never truly broken, just tiny little pieces chip away from the hardness and the issues that come with life. But you, Vanity Blackwood are not broken. You’re caring, almost to a fault. You just radiate love and kindness. I want you to keep coming in, on your terms. I also want you to look at some drug abuse meetings.” She got off the couch and went over to the desk and grabbed a brochure.
“I’m sure with a few sessions and learning ways to cope with your traumatic events, you’ll be back to yourself. Cause this-“ she motioned to me as I frowned, “I’m sure isn’t you.”
I nodded as I dabbed my eyes with a tissue, “Thank you.”
She smiled, “No reason to thank me, I’m just doing my job. You take care of yourself, okay? Come and see me again.” I nodded as we walked to the door and she gave me a pat on the back.
I walked outside, taking in a deep breath of fresh air. The rain drenched me as I headed over to my car. I sat inside for a moment, resting my head against the steering wheel. I don’t know if I felt better getting all of that off my chest. I do know I feel like I got punched in the chest and my breath was taken from me.
*Nikki’s POV*
I stepped out of the shower, almost tripping over Anarchy as she was laying on the rug outside of the shower door, “Anna! Go on.” I nudged her as I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist. She started walking around my legs, “Anarchy, would you quit it?” I nudged her again before patting the top of her head.
“Fuckin sick, man.” I mumbled to myself, as I checked myself out in the mirror. I had gotten a new tattoo on my sternum last month when I had gone to Japan with Tommy. It was a simple Kanji lettering, but it meant ‘free spirit’. The experience was pretty cool too.
My eyes drifted downwards to the cursive on my skin as I let out a deep sigh. I need to stop being a pussy and just get it covered. I shook it off before starting to brush my teeth. I looked down at Anarchy who gave me a sloppy, drool filled grin.
“Do you miss her?” I asked her, seeing her ears perk up as she ran out of the bathroom. I chuckled to myself before rinsing out my mouth. I started shaving, opting to leave the goatee I was trying to achieve. Never been one for facial hair, so I thought I would try it out.
I went through the drawers to look for a hair tie but couldn’t find one, I think Brandi has giant clips she uses for her. I opened up her drawer on her side of the sink and grabbed one. I furrowed my eyebrows seeing a little pink disk. My curiosity got the best of me as I opened it up to see little tiny white pills with dates on it. Today’s date was already popped out. Was this her birth control?
I tossed it on the counter and stared down at it. I’ve been trying to get her knocked up for the past four months now and nothing has happened. This didn’t make any sense to me. I ran my hand through my hair before I started acting out. Maybe this is an old prescription? But then again, why would she keep it? And it looks pretty new as we were only about a week or two into the month.
“Hey Brandi?!” I yelled for her, grabbing her birth control as I walked out of the bathroom, clutching it in the palm of my hand.
“Downstairs, babe!”
I don’t understand. If she wanted to start a family with me why was she still taking them? I was excited with the thought of being a father. A better one then what I had.
I walked down the stairs, seeing her lounging on the couch as she watched TV, “Hey handsome.” She smiled at me as I forced one back.
“What is this?” I questioned, holding up the pills as she stared at me, her eyes flicking back and forth between the pills and me.
“I have no idea. What is it?” I closed my eyes, trying to take a deep breath in before I started yelling.
“It looks to me like it’s your birth control.” I spat out, tossing it onto her lap, “Are you still taking it?”
She put the container on the coffee table as she turned off the TV. I watched as she got up and came over to me, standing toe toe as she rested her hands on my shoulders, “No, of course not Nikki. We’re trying to have a baby, remember?”
I looked into her eyes, I honestly couldn’t tell if she was lying or not. I took a step back from her as she gave me a slight glare, “But…but the date is popped out for today?”
She rolled her eyes, “Why the hell were you snooping around my stuff?” She snapped at me as I raised an eyebrow in surprise.
“Snooping? You’re my fucking wife! It isn’t snooping! It was in my god damn bathroom!” I shouted as she gave me a smirk.
“Our bathroom Nikki, just like it’s our house.” I rolled my eyes, “It’s my fucking house, I bought it!”
She sighed, cupping my jaw as she looked at me, “It’s an old prescription. I just haven’t gotten rid of it. That’s all. You’re getting worked up over nothing, baby.”
“Then why the hell aren’t you pregnant!? Because I’ve been giving you load after load and I know it’s not me!”
She let out a laugh, “Are you sure about that, Nikki? Maybe all the years of sleeping with whores as caught up to you.”
I glared at her, “Well I slept with you, didn’t I?!” I fired out before I could even think about the repercussions.
She scowled, letting out a shocked scoff as well, “Me?! I’m the whore?! Screw you, Nikki.”
I sighed, “Brandi, I didn’t mean-“ I was cut off by an opened palm slap to the face. I rubbed my jaw as I looked down at the floor. Who the fuck does this bitch think she is? I glared at her, anger running threw me.
She cackled, “You’re not as smart as you think you are Nikki. I’ve been taking my birth control this whole time. Didn’t think you’d actually want children, so I screwed myself over with that one. But you’ve been clueless to it this whole time.”
“Then why the fuck would you tell me- why Brandi?! What’s the point of being married if we aren’t gonna have a family?! If I’m not gonna be a fucking dad!? Just fucking live here with you and the dog you hate so much?!” I screamed at her as she took a step back from me.
“Because I don’t want you to leave me!” She fired back as I rolled my eyes, “Leave you?! That wasn’t even a thought in my fucking mind you stupid bitch!”
I let out a frustrated yell, “You’ve been getting my hopes up this entire fucking time! I’ve been waiting patiently for the day you tell me I’m gonna be a dad! God, what is the fucking matter with you!?”
I shook my head, turning my back to her as I started walking up the stairs, “Don’t walk away from me! We’re talking here!” She yelled, running up the stairs behind me.
“I’ve dealt with some crazy chicks, but this takes the fucking cake!” I yelled back, opening up my closet door as I dug out my suitcase.
“Nikki! Please don’t leave! I am sorry!” She yelled but I ignored her, continuing to grab clothes and stuff them into my bag. I heard her begin the crying fit as I rolled my eyes, “Nikki, I love you!”
I scoffed, “Love me?! If you love me you wouldn’t have done this! Who even fucking does this to their own husband!?”
I felt her hand wrap around my arm, “Get off of me! I’m fucking leaving!” I yelled in her face, prying her grip away from me.
“We can have a baby! I’ll give you as many children as you want! Just don’t leave me!” She croaked as I laughed at her.
“Too late for that one, angel.” I rolled my eyes as I zipped my suitcase up.
“I was there for you! I was here when she left you and nobody else would even fucking look at you! Don’t you know that?!” She yelled, taking my suitcase away from me as I glared at her.
“I’ve been here! And I’ve loved you! I’m not running away from this like she did! Like you’re currently doing!”
I shook my head, “Fine, you stay here and I’ll run away.” I grabbed my suitcase and walked out my bedroom, “Oh, cause you’re so good at that!”
I turned around to face her, shoving my finger in her face as she stared up at me, fear flashing across her eyes, “Don’t fucking act like you know me!! You’re never here anyways! Always jetting off to get naked for some photoshoot while spending my god damn money!! All the clothes and the jewelry! You’ve ruined my house with all the stupid remodeling! And I am done with it! I’m done!”
“Done?” She squeaked out, “No, no, baby, no. Please? I love you.” She muttered wrapping an arm around my waist, “I love you so much Nikki.”
I stared down at her. My brain was telling me to run, to leave and get the fuck away from her. But my heart was telling me to stay and try to fix it. But I didn’t want to fix this.
I took her arm away from me, “I am leaving.”
I walked through the house seeing Anarchy-oh fuck, Anarchy. I’ll have to call Mick to see if he could come get her, “I’ll be back babygirl, you be good.” I kissed the top of her head and petted her ears until Brandi shoved me from behind.
“Don’t fucking push me!! You aren’t gonna fucking like what happens!” I yelled, gently shoving her away from me.
I grabbed my car keys as I walked out the front door, “So you’re just walking out on me?! On our marriage?!” She yelled, continuing to follow me to my car door.
I turned to look at her after putting my bags in the car, “Yeah, I guess I am Brandi.”
She shoved me into my car repeatedly as I glared at her, “You fucking asshole! I hate you!!”
I smirked, quickly grabbing her by her upper arm as I pulled her to my chest roughly, “Feelings mutual, you cunt.” I pushed her away from before quickly getting into my car. She started banging on my window as I flipped her off before driving out of my gates.
I ran my hand over my face as I grabbed my sunglasses and put them on. I dug into my pocket for my cigarettes and lit one, “Chicks equal trouble.” I mumbled to myself as I let out a deep sigh.
Where was I even going? Maybe just a trip to the coast and rent out a beach house for a little bit? Maybe go see my grandfather, Tom? But He needs a little preparation before I come storming up there.
Maybe Florida? Always loved it down there, and the chicks are fucking beautiful. Sure, I could find one to keep me entertained for a bit.
I groaned and flipped on the radio, Billy Joel’s ‘New York State of Mind’ was playing. I rolled my eyes, never really cared for him. I tapped my fingers to the beat of the song as I exhaled the cigarette smoke.
Well, why not New York? I was always too fucked up to even get a glimpse of what the city has to offer. I could catch a play on broadway, maybe catch a baseball game. Even though I like the Dodgers. I could check out some of the sights. Always wanted to see the Empire State Building, maybe check out the metropolitan museum. Plus, I’ve been slacking on my photography and I’m sure New York City has a lot to offer.
New York it is then.
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nikki-fcking-sixx · 3 years
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please ruin my life bae LMAO
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myfatbottomedgirls · 3 years
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Florence mornings
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I’ve been thinking of writing fan fiction for years so I’ve decided to do a little blurb of Douglas Booth x y/n (genderless). This is my first piece so be kind! Just fluff! 
You awake with the light streaming in through the sheer, white curtains. Stretching your limbs and looking to your left to him warmed your heart. His dark brown hair, falling slightly over one eye; his full lips slightly pursed in his slumber; smooth cheekbones and lines from every smiled he cracked when you told him one of your ridiculous, sleep-deprived ideas or silly dad jokes.
You stood up and found one of his shirts on the floor, buttoning just a few for decency and creeped your way into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. The two of you were in Florence for a romantic summer away. Douglas was taking a sabbatical from filming for the next year so you’d both moved out to sunny Italy for a few months. The flat you were renting was quaint, an open plan kitchen and living room, warm chestnut wood covering every surface, plants, books and older trinkets you had picked up throughout your relationship was in every nook and cranny of this beautiful flat.
As the coffee started you looked down on the rug you were standing on, a beautiful floral design on a cream woven base. You’d remembered when the pair of you bought it; it was a beautiful Saturday morning when you and Doug had decided to go on a walk through Camden Lock and get a warm drink and some breakfast, looking around the stalls and small music shops as you did so. When suddenly, it was like the sky had broken in two and the torrential rain started. Seeking shelter, the pair of you ran into the nearest shop, a small handmade rug store. Giggling at what had just been, you begin to look around, with Doug holding the small of your back as you ran your hands over the different materials, until you stumbled upon this very one. It reminded you of the one you had in your grandma’s kitchen when you were small.
Hearing the pot begin to whistle, you snap out of your happy flashback and are drawn back into reality and take the pot off the stove. Taking two small mugs out of the cabinet, you feel two hands wrap themselves around your middle and a sleepy head rest on your shoulder. You stop what you’re doing to turn your head slightly, receiving a kiss on the cheek. Giggling at Douglas’s sleepy, loved-up antics, you squeeze his hands and turn in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” you say.
“Mmm, hello,” he replies giving you a lopsided smile with his eyes still closed.
Turning back around, you ask, “Coffee?”
“Always, thank you darling.”
“Open the balcony doors will you, love, need some more light in here now that you’re awake.”
Begrudgingly as he wished to stay with you in his arms forever, Doug does as asked, opening the doors and allowing the light to fall into the small flat, illuminating your soft features in the morning. He can’t stop staring as you perfect both of your coffees to exactly the way you both love it, grab the packet of cigarettes on the side and walk over to him, setting the coffees down on the small metal table you keep out there.
“What?” You ask softly as you begin to sit down and light your cigarette. 
As you exhale Douglas looks at you with all the love a lover could ever hold in their heart for someone. He brushes your hair slightly out of your eyes, kisses your forehead and lightly shakes his head with a soft smile that seems permanently planted his face.
“Nothing, darling, thank you for the coffee.” He moves the other chair to sit adjacent from his lover and puts one hand on their leg as he lights his own cigarette.
Music from down the street can be heard flowing throughout the small town they’ve decided to reside in for the next few months. Content and happy, the lovers are in peace, paradise.
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sourwolf-sterek32 · 3 months
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The Dirt (Your Version)
Summary: Meeting Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee was a coincidence. Being friends was a choice. But falling in love with them both was beyond your control.
Or
A rewrite of The Dirt with all the highs and lows of Mötley Crüe from your perspective.
Pairings: Nikki Sixx x Reader, Tommy Lee x Reader, Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee x Reader
Word Count: 4.1k
Trigger Warning- self-harm, mentions of past child abuse and cancer
Previous Chapter
Chapter 19- Truth comes out
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"Who did this to you?" Nikki questioned, his fingers brushing over the dark bruise around your neck.
It had been a long time since you had heard that protectiveness in the bassist's voice. It had been a long time since you had seen him. And an even longer time since he had touched you like this.
"It doesn't matter." You sighed.
"Was it Vince?"
"What? No! He would never hurt me. Never." You insisted and Nikki nodded, his brows furrowing as he brushed his thumb over the bruise carefully.
"Tell me who and I'll fuck 'em up."
"It was my father and Vince already fucked him up."
Nikki's eyes widened in surprise knowing you hadn't been in contact with your father since you were a teenager. Nikki had questions. You could tell that he had many questions to ask but seemed to be holding himself back.
His sea green eyes were watching you worriedly. The last time you saw each other was that day at the studio. The day Vince had quit, and you walked away.
The guilt of that weighed heavily down on your shoulders. Mötley Crüe were finished. It didn't matter that they had a new singer, the band was over the moment Vince left and it was your fault.
"If you want me to leave. I'll leave." You whispered.
"I don't want you to leave, princess."
Just hearing that old nickname bought tears to your eyes and you lowered your head so he wouldn't see them fall. Nikki Sixx had seen you cry too many times to count over the years. You didn't want him to see you cry anymore.
"Come inside. Can I get you a drink?" Nikki offered. "I'm sober, so there's not many options."
You smiled, heart swelling with pride hearing that.
"Water is fine."
He disappeared in the kitchen, and you walked over to his couch and sat down hugging your knees to your chest. Nikki returned shortly after handing you a glass of cold water which you took with a small smile.
"It's not that I'm not happy to see you after all this time, because I am. But what's going on?" Nikki asked worriedly.
"Skylar died."
"Oh, fuck." He sighed heavily the shock of that information hitting him hard. "I'm so sorry."
You fiddled with the glass of water as Nikki walked around the couch and sat down beside you.
He asked what happened. You told him about the tumour and cancer that spread through the little girl's body. He asked about Vince, and you told the truth. Your brother was a mess but was trying to get himself better.
The two of you sat together in silence after that, Nikki trying to process everything while you sat there fiddling with the empty glass trying not to cry.
Grieving was hard.
Whether it was for your own baby or someone else's. Grief in general for a lack of a better word... sucked.
The suckiest part about it was how lonely grieving made you feel. And yeah, sure, your family had been mourning the loss of Skylar. But you've been mourning the loss of your own baby too because you had never really allowed yourself to grieve that unborn child until now.
And then you'd felt angry at yourself for it because that was in the past and Skylar had just died. Your little niece had just died, but you weren't only thinking about her. And that made you feel guilty. And then that guilt turned into anger. And you were angry at yourself for being angry because dear God, it wasn't like they had died on purpose, but it happened, and you couldn't save either of them.
So, you were angry.
You were angry at the world because it kept spinning after those horrible deaths. And you were angry that you were still living when Skylar had her whole life ahead of her and your own baby never got to draw its first breath.
But you know what? You'd take the anger, the sadness and the guilt because the only reason all of that existed within you now was because love existed first. Because it still existed in you now. And you knew that if you had loved Skylar less or never found out about your pregnancy, things would be easier, but you didn't want to live in that world.
So, yeah, you had a lifetime of those sticky grief feelings ahead, but you welcomed them with open arms because you had four years of love with Skylar and a couple months of knowing about your baby and that will always, always be worth it.
"Shit, princess."
Your head snapped in Nikki's direction to find his sea green eyes swimming with tears, and you very quickly realised that you had just said all of that out loud.
"Can I hold you?" He asked, wiping his teary eyes.
"Please."
Nikki shifted closer on the couch before wrapping his arm around your shoulders, pulling you gently into his side and kissing the top of your head. You buried your face against his chest and squeezed your eyes shut not wanting this moment to end because you had missed this. You had missed him so fucking much.
Nikki eventually let go of you, saying something about needing to piss before he disappeared leaving you on the couch. You were pretty sure that the bassist just needed a moment alone to compose himself because he hadn't allowed himself to mourn or grieve over your unborn baby until now either.
You reached up and rubbed your thumb over the scars and cuts on your wrist thinking about your brother. Thinking about Skylar. Thinking about Razzle. Thinking about your unborn baby. Thinking about everything.
You were so lost in thought you didn't hear Nikki approaching until he sat back down beside you causing you to nearly jump out of your skin at his sudden presence. His shoulder was touching yours and you quickly shifted your bracelets to cover the cuts.
You leant your head against his shoulder, the two of you remaining quiet for quite some time, but you didn't need to fill the silence. That was the nice thing about Nikki, he could appreciate silence when others wouldn't. Not needing to speak just for the sake of talking.
He kissed the side of your head and squeezed your hand for comfort, knowing how everything was taking its toll on you.
But he didn't know everything. He didn't know about those dark thoughts that still haunted you. He didn't know about the cuts hidden beneath your sleeve.
"Let me see your neck." Nikki suddenly said, speaking up for the first time in a while.
He hooked his index finger under your chin tilting your head up as you lifted it off his shoulder. You hadn't had a chance to look in the mirror and see the damage yet, but by the frown forming on Nikki's face, you knew it wasn't great.
"Does it hurt?"
You shook your head and gently touched the angry purple and blue finger shaped bruises with a small wince, "I'm fine. It only hurts when I touch it."
Nikki didn't seem happy with that answer. His frown only deepening as he inspected the marks carefully.
He shouldn't care about you though. Nikki should be angry at you for what happened in the studio. He should be furious. He shouldn't be worrying or caring about you. You didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve him.
"You should hate me." You whispered.
Nikki's eyes met yours, "what? Why?"
"I'm the reason for Mötley Crüe's downfall. It's all my fault."
"It's not."
"It is!" You answered a little louder than you meant but you couldn't help it. "I mean, fuck, you warned us at the start, Sixx. You said hooking up with me would jeopardize the band and now look what happened."
"That's not on you."
"It is."
"It's not. That's on all of us." Nikki insisted and you knew there was no point trying to argue with him on this.
You sighed, "I should go. I-I don't know why I came here. You have your own life... I'm sorry."
You stood up from the couch but before you could walk back towards the door, Nikki suddenly reached out and grabbed your hand stopping you.
"Don't go." He said, his voice nearly pleading as he looked up at you with gentle sea green eyes. "It's getting late. Just stay here tonight. You can take the spare bedroom. Please. Just don't go. Not like last time."
You hesitated for a moment as you glanced over at his front door before looking back at him and nodding in agreement. Nikki's shoulders relaxed instantly, and he gave your hand a gentle squeeze before he showed you to the guest bedroom.
Given Nikki Sixx's track record with girls, you were expecting him to try make a move or convince you to share his own bed, but to your surprise he was a complete gentleman. He had matured a lot since the last time you saw him. So much had happened since then, yet for some unknown reason, Nikki still cared about you.
You ended up sleeping on the couch that night because the mattress in the spare room had a very distinct scent of urine on it. Underneath the black sheets were multiple yellow stains and although they appeared to be old, the smell was definitely there, so you retreated back to the couch.
It wasn't so bad. You had slept in worse places especially while on tour with the guys. So, a blanket on a leather couch was actually pretty good in comparison.
You laid there staring up at the antique looking ceiling fan above you in the dim light unable to fall asleep. Your mind wouldn't shut off. You kept thinking about Skylar which then turned into thinking about Vince and what your father had said.
Your entire life had been a lie.
Vince wasn't your brother, and your father wasn't even your real father. And your mother... she killed herself after giving birth to you. Did she not want you that badly? Did she really think that leaving you with that abusive piece of shit would be better than whatever she could provide? Was a bullet to the head the only choice she had?
Your mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions as you laid there squeezing your wrist feeling the calming sting of the cuts.
You must have fallen asleep sometime though because the next thing you knew, your eyes were snapping open, and you sat up gasping for air.
A gunshot echoed in your mind. Your mothers blurry figure falling to the ground in a pool of her blood. Your fathers angry voice screamed in the background somewhere. You could still feel his hands around your neck choking you.
"Y/N, hey. Just breathe. You're okay, just breathe." Someone's voice suddenly said, but through the haze in your head you couldn't figure out who the voice belonged to let alone trying to focus on breathing.
You couldn't breathe. It was like your father was still choking you. All the air had gotten sucked out of your lungs and there wasn't anything you could do about it. You could feel your chest tightening as you buried your face into trembling hands trying to calm yourself down, but it wasn't working.
A small voice in the back of your head was telling you that you were having a panic attack, but that little piece of information did nothing to help.
"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me. Y/N, look at me."
Somehow you forced yourself to lift your head and your eyes locked with familiar sea green ones. Nikki was looking at you in worry, but you just shook your head unable to shut your brain off as the lingering nightmare flashed through your mind on repeat.
"It's okay. Deep breaths. Y/N, princess, just breathe. Copy me, okay?" Nikki instructed, kneeling down in front of you as he took in an exaggerated deep breath, and you mimicked him before he released the breath slowly and you did the same as he repeated the action.
It took a while, but eventually you managed to get your breathing under control. Your heart was beating out of your chest, your body shaking, but you were breathing. Small victories.
Nikki was kneeling beside the couch watching you worriedly and you only just realised that he was shirtless. Has he been shirtless this whole time? How the fuck did you miss that little detail? Or big detail because Nikki had definitely been working out since the last time you saw him. His chest and arms were more muscular than you had ever seen them.
You rubbed your face with trembling hands trying not to think about his attractive body before you slowly sat up on the couch with a heavy sigh.
"Shit, I'm sorry." You whispered, realising that he had just witnessed you totally freak out.
"You don't ever have to apologise to me."
"Did I wake you?"
"No. I was already awake."
It was a clear lie to make you feel better, but you appreciated it. Nikki didn't move from beside you though. His hand was hovering over your arm like he wasn't sure if he should touch you right now or not.
"Are you okay?"
Nope. Not even remotely okay, but were you going to admit that? Absolutely not.
"Yeah."
Nikki didn't say anything after that and you were pretty sure he saw straight through your lie, but he didn't call you out on it. He was good like that. He understood not wanting to talk after nightmares, God knows he was riddled with his own demons in his sleep too.
"Do you want to be alone?" He asked eventually, breaking the silence.
You shook your head because the thought of being alone with your thoughts sounded like hell.
Nikki simply nodded before he stood up and sat down on the couch beside you leaving a respectable gap between you to give you some space.
You traced your fingers over the bruise on your neck thinking back to what your father had said.
"Is it hurting?" Nikki asked worriedly watching you touch the bruise gingerly.
You shook your head, "no. I'm just thinking about something he said before he, uh, strangled me."
"What did he say?"
"That he's not my real father. Said my mother dumped me on his doorstep as a baby and then killed herself."
"Jesus." Nikki swore softly under his breath not knowing what else to say to that.
You remained quiet for a moment biting your lip fighting back tears you could feel coming. You were so God damn sick of crying.
"It means Vince and I aren't even related." You whispered.
Nikki must have heard the crack in your voice because he turned on the couch to face you properly. The only good thing about your childhood was having Vince as your big brother. But it turned out that he wasn't even your brother at all.
"There's more to family than blood, Y/N." Nikki said gently, hesitantly resting his hand on your shoulder. "I know that better than anyone."
You sighed with a small nod wiping the tears from your eyes before they could fall, and Nikki squeezed your shoulder comfortingly.
Vince had said that it didn't matter. He said that you were still his sister no matter what, but it still felt wrong knowing your entire childhood and sibling bond had been bought up on a lie.
"You and Vince, you're family. Nothing is going to change that."
You glanced over at Nikki and smiled softly needing to hear that more than anything, "thanks, Sixx."
Neither of you spoke for a while after that. Nikki flicked on the television giving you a much-needed distraction from your thoughts. He switched the channel to MTV and lowered the volume down while he leant back against the couch and kicked his feet up on the coffee table.
"Why were you sleeping on the couch?"
"Spare bed smells like piss." You answered honestly glancing over at him.
Nikki sighed, "that would've been Slash. He's peed on that bed a few times. Sorry, I thought it was clean after the last time."
You screwed your face up in disgust which caused Nikki to smile before he turned his attention back to the television and the two of you fell into comfortable silence after that.
An hour or so ticked by. The clock on the wall across the room indicated that it was nearly six in the morning. Nikki had fallen asleep beside you a while ago. His head was tipped back against the back of the couch, his hair covering the side of his face as he snored softly.
You watched the bassist sleep for a few minutes before you quietly slipped away and made your way outside through the back door.
It was still dark outside and the view from his back porch was stunning. His house was on a hill at the far side of town and overlooked the entire city. The lights of Hollywood shone brightly in the distance, and you leant against the porch railing taking in the stunning view.
You rolled the sleeve up exposing the cuts along your inner arm that were now on full display as you glanced down at them in disgust. The skin was painted with a mixture of fresh and old cuts, some healed and scarred, others bright red and fresh.
You covered your wrist with your hand and squeezed welcoming the pain as the fresh cuts started to sting, but it wasn't enough.
The pocketknife in your jeans felt like it was burning against the fabric before you reached into the front pocket and pulled it out.
Your hands trembled as you flicked the blade out. Dry blood stained the stainless steel as you pressed the tip of the blade against an unmarked section of skin on your wrist.
Tears started to burn in the back of your eyes as you sliced through the skin like it was butter. Bright crimson blood instantly rose and trickled down onto the railing you were leaning against. You watched the droplets fall. The cut stinging as the outdoor air blew against it and you closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself.
The pain grounded you.
It was fucked up, you knew this was fucked up, but you couldn't stop. It was the only way you knew how to cope with everything.
The sound of the backdoor opening startled you out of your thoughts. You hastily tucked the knife back into your pocket and pulled your sleeve down trying to hide the blood and cuts.
Nikki hovered in the doorway, but you didn't dare look over at him because you had a sinking feeling that he had seen everything.
"Y/N-"
"I just need some fresh air. Go back inside." You said, barely even recognising your own voice.
"And leave you out here to cut yourself?" He questioned bluntly.
Yeah, you thought.
But you didn't dare say that out loud though. And Nikki didn't leave.
Suddenly, he appeared beside you and his hand grasped your shoulder gently. You tilted your head up at him, but he didn't look at you, his wide eyes were glued to your arm that you were trying to hide, but clearly not very well.
You glanced back down and there was no mistaking the crimson stains soaking through the fabric of your sleeve.
Shit.
"How long?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "How long have you been cutting yourself? Days? Weeks?"
"...more."
You didn't look at him as you spoke, not wanting to see the disappointment and pity on his face.
"Fucking hell." He whispered to himself.
Nikki let go, you could no longer feel his touch on your shoulder, and you fought the urge to reach out and stop him from leaving. Instead, you looked back out at the city lights watching the sun that was now slowly starting to rise along the horizon.
You listened closely for footsteps, but never heard any. Why wasn't he leaving?
A few tense seconds of silence ticked by before Nikki let out a loud exhale and leant down against the porch railing beside you.
"Princess, look at me."
You expected to hear him sound mad, to sound angry or pissed off, but he didn't. He almost sounded sad.
"Please. Fuck- please, Y/N, look at me." He practically begged.
Reluctantly, you lowered your hands from your face and glanced over at him through teary eyes and had to do a double take when you saw his own eyes glistening with unshed tears.
Seeing Nikki on the verge of crying was all it took before the flood gates opened. A violent sob escaped your lips as you cried, Nikki's expression breaking.
"I-I'm sorry. Please... please don't hate me."
Nikki's arm was instantly wrapping around your back, resting across your waist and pulling you into his side which just made you cry even more as you leant into him.
"No, no, sweetheart. I don't hate you. I could never hate you." He insisted, holding you tightly.
"I'm sorry. I-I... I'm so sorry." You whimpered, burying your face against his chest.
"it's okay. Shh, it's okay. It's okay."
He kissed the top of your head gently and just held you while you cried. You had been trying to hide your pain from Vince for so long, trying to be strong for him, but now, you allowed yourself to let your guard down and show your true feelings for the first time in what felt like years, knowing you were safe in Nikki's arms.
Eventually, Nikki lowered his arm, and you sniffed rubbing your face with trembling hands trying to calm yourself down.
He pulled out a red bandanna from his back pocket before he grabbed your arm and began to carefully pull up your sleeve. Nikki paused for a second when he got a look at your inner arm properly for the first time. A soft gasp escaped his lips, and you fought the urge to pull your arm away from him.
It was too late. He had already seen it. The damage had been done.
"Fuck, princess." He swore softly under his breath.
He pressed the bandanna against the still bleeding cut and neither of you said anything while he kept his hand pressed down on your wrist with the bandanna to slow the bleeding while you stared out at the view.
Nikki was staring down at your arm with a frown plastered on his face which was better. A frown was better than tears. You could deal with Nikki being mad at you. Anger you could handle.
"I-I didn't know... I never knew things were this bad." Nikki admitted, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."
"I was the one that walked away."
"I should have called."
"I'm not your responsibility, Sixx." You whispered, wiping the tears from your eyes with your free hand. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with my shit. Not after what I did."
Nikki let out a deep exhale, "what happened that day in the studio wasn't your fault, Y/N."
"We both know that's a lie."
"What happened. Everything we did... I would do it all over again."
Your eyes widened in surprise and Nikki smiled softly.
"If I could go back in time, I'd do it all again."
"Nikki-"
"I love you, princess. I didn't get a chance to say it that day, but I do."
You shook your head, fresh tears spilling from your eyes because you didn't deserve his love. You didn't deserve any of this.
"You shouldn't." You whispered still shaking your head. "You should hate me for what happened. You should hate me for this." You pulled your arm free from his grasp, the bandanna sticking to your wrist as you held it up for him to see.
"This doesn't change how much I love you. Y/N, hey, hey. Princess, look at me."
When you didn't move, he lifted his hand pinching your chin with his thumb and index finger and raised your head gently until you were forced to look at him.
"I'm serious. This doesn't change anything. I love you, Y/N. The next time you feel like this, come to me. I want to help. Let me help you."
You simply nodded, not trusting your voice at the moment as a fresh wave of tears resurfaced at Nikki's kindness causing his expression to soften before he pulled you into a hug.
"I just want you to be okay." He whispered, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too." You answered, and you meant it.
You and Nikki had started out cautious of each other. You were his singer's little sister, and he was the mysterious bass player who seemed to hate you.
Somewhere between that first meeting at Rock Candys gig all those years ago and to this moment now, the two of you had broken down each other's walls and had fallen in love without realising it.
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A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. 
I just had to work 10 days in a row with 4 of those days on call after hours too (I hated it) but I finally got a few days off and I am already editing the next chapter which will be posted in a couple of days. 
I hope you are all still enjoying this story. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments ❤️ 
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cryonme · 3 years
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† 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 †
“i have managed the Scorpions, Bon Jovi, Skid Row, KISS, i had been dragged through the deepest shit with all kinds of mentally ill people. but i have never been through what Mötley Crüe put me through.”
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𝙏𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙮 𝙇𝙚𝙚
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𝙉𝙞𝙠𝙠𝙞 𝙎𝙞𝙭𝙭
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i could’ve lost you ~ nikki sixx;the dirt
word count: 1891
request?: yes!
“The dirt Nikki sixx x female reader, can you please do some father daughter fluff with Nikki and his daughter”
“The dirt Nikki sixx x female reader, the reader is Nikki daughter who he had young and she goes on tours with the band, her Nikki are really close but Nikki starts pulling away from her after he starts doing heroin and after he overdoses she starts hitting him and screaming “I thought you were dead”. When she calms down her and Nikki talk and she tells him she can’t lose him besides Tommy, Vince and mick he’s the only family she’s got and Nikki promises her he’ll get sober”
description: after his near fatal overdose, nikki gets a wake up call from his own daughter
pairing: nikki sixx x daughter!reader
warnings: swearing, mentions of drug usage and overdosing, mentions of death
masterlist (one, two)
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It wasn’t unusual for Nikki to be MIA and for his teenage daughter to be home alone. Was that safe? Definitely not, but that hadn’t been Nikki’s priority in months. Not since his love of heroin trumped his love for his own daughter.
That’s how (Y/N) found herself home alone when she received the news of her father’s death.
She was asleep when the shrill of the phone ringing brought her out of her slumber. She got up from bed and trudged to the nearest phone. She mumbled something that was barley coherent.
“(Y/N)?” It was her Uncle Vince. “Honey, I’m on the way over to get you.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Oh honey...your dad...is dead.”
(Y/N) didn’t believe him. She started laughing, sure this was some sort of joke. When Vince didn’t start laughing too, her laughs turned to sobs as the realization sunk in.
She sat in the living room as she waited for Vince to arrive. The room was full of memories of the Sixxes. Photos of Nikki and (Y/N) from the day she was born right up until her first day of high school. Awards Nikki had won with the band, their records coating the walls. She couldn’t imagine not living in this house anymore, not seeing these walls, these awards.
(Y/N) had no one else. She didn’t know who her mom was, her dad had cut out his family long before she was born. The only family she had her dad and his bandmates. She didn’t know if she’d be able to be taken in by the other three members of Motley Crue. She didn’t know where she’d go. Not that that was her highest priority at that moment.
(Y/N) cringed when she heard Vince’s car pull up outside. She wasn’t ready to go.
Vince knocked before letting himself in. “(Y/N)?”
“In here Uncle Vince,” (Y/N) called out, her voice cracking slightly.
Vince appeared suddenly. (Y/N) couldn’t look at him. It hurt too much.
“Change of plans,” Vince told her. “We’re going to the hospital.”
~~~~~~
On the way there, Vince explained what he had heard on the situation so far. The details were spotty, but what he did know was that Nikki had OD’d on heroin and technically had died because his heart had stopped on the way to the hospital. One of the paramedics had managed to restart his heart. Now he was resting in the hospital while the drugs left his system.
Vince had barley stopped the car when (Y/N) jumped out and ran into the hospital. She raced up to the receptionist desk and said, “I need the room number for Nikki Sixx.”
The receptionist gave her a look. “Nice try kid. Go home.”
“No, I’m serious. I’m Nikki’s daughter, (Y/N) Sixx. You can look me up in your system or something.”
“Yeah, and I’m the Queen of England. Go home before I call security.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, lady! My dad just fucking died and got resuscitated and was brought here. He’s all I fucking have, so just tell me where the fuck he is right now!”
She didn’t even respond to (Y/N) this time. (Y/N) saw her reaching for her phone, obviously about to call for security. (Y/N) was overcome with frustration and did what a Sixx does best: she reacted impulsively and stupidly.
She took off down the nearest hallway, the receptionist calling after her as she went. She knew she had very little time before security caught her, so she had to find her dad quick.
The hospital felt like a maze, with never ending hallways and numerous stairways. (Y/N) looked into a dozen rooms before ducking into the nearest stairwell to try the next floor. She knew they wouldn’t have a recovering rock star just out where anyone could see, but she hoped to see something that would tell her where Nikki was.
She was on the third floor when she heard someone yelling. She looked over her shoulder to see security had finally found her. Panicked, (Y/N) dipped into the nearest room to hide. Lucky for her, the room she had hid in was none other than Nikki’s room.
“(Y/N)?” Nikki said.
Before she could speak, two security guards burst into the room. One seized (Y/N) around her waist and tried to pull her out of the room.
“Hey, hey!” Nikki said. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Sorry, Mr. Sixx,” one guard said. “We tried to stop this one in the lobby, but she took off before the receptionist could call us.”
“This one is my daughter, dumb fucks.”
The guard holding (Y/N) pretty much dropped her at this. She stumbled as she tried to regain her footing.
“Maybe do some research next time, idiots,” Nikki snapped. “Get out of my room.”
Both guards muttered apologies to the two of them before leaving the room. (Y/N) turned to look at Nikki. She knew he didn’t actually look any different, but she couldn’t help but see him in a different light. It was like she was looking at her dad, but she only saw a stranger.
Nikki reached for (Y/N) and took hold of her wrist. He pulled her a bit closer to his bed and reached over to take her other wrist in his other hand. “(Y/N), baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this. Who brought you here? Was it one of the guys? If I had known they were going to, I would’ve told them to wait until I was a bit better for you to see me. Did they tell you what happened? Wait, no, they must not even know themselves. I can’t see too much being made public yet.”
Nikki realized he was rambling and looked up at his daughter’s face. She was blank, like she wasn’t registering what he was saying.
“(Y/N)? Say something, please.”
(Y/N) looked at Nikki for another moment before pulling her hands free from his and hitting his chest. The quick motion shocked Nikki and it took him a moment to realize what was happening and try to restrain (Y/N).
“I thought you were dead!” she screamed. “I thought you were fucking dead! Vince called and told me you fucking died, you fucking asshole!”
Nikki was finally able to grab hold of (Y/N)’s hands again and get a firm grip on them so she’d stop hitting him. When she was no longer able to take out her emotions physically, she started to cry. Nikki quickly pulled her towards him, cradling her head against his chest as she sobbed into his hospital gown. He managed to coax her up onto the bed and held her tightly to him.
(Y/N) wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but eventually it felt like she had ran out of tears and her eyes felt sore from crying so much. She pulled away from Nikki so she could wipe her face, only to find that most of the moisture had collected onto Nikki’s gown.
“Sorry,” she sniffled. “You’ll have to get a new one.”
Nikki let a chuckle escape from his lips. “It’s fine. It’s not the first time you’ve soaked something I was wearing. At least this time it was just a stupid hospital gown and not one of my good shirts that you ruined with your spit up.”
(Y/N) chuckled at this as well. “I was like six months old. Are you ever gonna let that go?”
“Nope.”
She smiled and leaned her head against Nikki’s shoulder. He kept one arm wrapped around her, holding her close to him.
“I’m sorry I scared you,” he said. “I’m sorry I did that shit, and that I haven’t been around or caring for you the way a father should.”
“I mean, it’s not like we’ve ever had a normal father-daughter relationship,” (Y/N) said. “You’re a big rock star, you’re always traveling and shit. You didn’t have to be around 24/7 for me to know you loved me and you’d always be there for me. It’s just...” She trailed off, trying to figure out the right words to say. “When Uncle Vince called me and told me you had died, it felt like my whole world came crashing down around me. I was looking at pictures of us and realized we’d never have that again. That I’d never see the house again, I’d never go on tour with you and the guys again, I’d never have those late night movie and ice cream nights like we used to have. All of it, it was gone, and I felt like I took so much of it for granted.”
She lifted her head off of his shoulder and turned to look at him. “And then I realized that if I lose you, I have nobody. Sure, I have Uncle Vince, Uncle Tommy, and Uncle Mick, but they all have their own shit going on. None of them are ready to take in a teenager who just lost her dad and would be going through a shit ton of emotional trauma. I don’t have any other options besides you, and if I lost you...well...I’d just be alone.”
Nikki felt tears welling up in his eyes. He hadn’t thought about that. In fact, he rarely ever thought about (Y/N) when he was chasing his highs. Of course he still loved her and cared about her dearly, but it always took a backseat when he needed his fix. He never thought anything like this would happen. He always expected to come home to (Y/N), even if it was a day or two later when he finally felt stable again.
He never even considered overdosing to be something that could happen to him. Even when it was happening, he didn’t realize that he was dying. He just thought he was about to slip into another long sleep and would wake up a few hours, or a day, later. He didn’t think of the consequences his actions would have on others, primarily (Y/N).
Nikki took (Y/N) into his arms again and pulled her close to him. He placed his head on top of hers and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall down his cheeks.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered again.
“I know you are. You don’t have to apologize anymore. You’re here, you’re alive. That’s all that matters.”
Nikki shook his head. “No, that’s not what matters. What matters is that I’m here for you. No one as young as you deserves to be worried about losing their father and what would happen to you if you did. Baby, I promise you, the minute I’m out of this hospital I’m going to rehab. I’m going to get better, I’m going to be the father you deserve.”
(Y/N) felt a lump grow in her throat again, but this time it wasn’t one of sadness. She was overcome with so many emotions, but right now the main one was relief.
“Okay dad,” she said. “I’ll be there for you every step of the way, too. I’ll be your cheerleader.”
“You always have been.”
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gothpanda · 2 years
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A Little Bit of Attitude Ch. 40: Memories
WORD COUNT: 8.2K
A/N: Hello! This is the end! Or at least I think? This is my first ever chaptered fic and I don't know how to properly end things. I'm scared I'll come back to do an epiloge just for the sake of coming back. But I know it must come to an end. Thank you everyone whose read the story while I wrote it out. And thank you to whoever reads this long after I've completed it. :)
TAGS: @nosebleedblitz @emariehorror @madamsixx​
WARNINGS: none
Read On Ao3
Previous
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September 23rd, 1988
Los Angles, California
          Cars drove up and down the busy streets of downtown Los Angeles throughout the day as people reached work or school. People follow their designated schedules to be at a particular place at a specific time. Except in other cases, the people didn't follow those schedules and left others to wait for God knows how long for some kind of news. Once again, one of those people just happened to be Vince for what felt like the millionth time. In an occupied recording studio, engineers messed with their workstation to pass the time while glancing at 3/4th of Motley Crue inside the large booth, waiting for their singer to come around.
          Nikki sat on the carpeted floor, in front of a wooden coffee table that became covered with everything he needed to make a photo album. Photos from years ago were scattered alongside cut pieces of colorful paper, sharpie markers, and glue sticks for decoration. With an intense frown and firmly pressed lips, Nikki concentrated on the picture in his hand, debating on where to put it would look best in the album. After some time of absolute silence from Nikki's end, Mick and Tommy towered over him with looks of confusion as they stared at everything. Nikki almost didn't notice until hearing Mick clearing his throat made his head look up.
          "Uhm, what are you doing, Nik? You've had your nose towards the table since we got here," asked Mick.
          "And not like old times. Why do you have all this stuff?" asked Tommy, sitting on the sofa behind Nikki. He reached over Nikki and grabbed a random handful of photos only to let out a soft gasp. A smile crept on Tommy's lips, going through the images of even his past. Nikki looked over his shoulder, smirking as he looked up at Tommy.
          "Found something, T-Bone?" asked Nikki.
          "Where the hell did you get these?" eagerly asked Tommy again.
          "Your little sister. I found a box of film with old cameras in her apartment, and I thought they should get developed," said Nikki, resuming to glue photos in their perfect spots. Mick
grabbed his own stack to skim through, getting a soft smile as he sat down on the soda as well.
          "These are so old, dude!"
          "I understand getting old film developed to look back on memories, but what's with the whole craft project part of it?" asked Mick. Nikki sighed, labeling and gluing down what he thought looked suitable for the album.
          "Because I'm starting to get incredibly bored and music can only do so much," said Nikki, glancing at his bandmates.
          "Bored?" asked Mick.
"There wasn't anything to do while Sammi's at work and then I found this. I just wanted to surprise her and then it snowballed into a whole birthday present,"
          "Wow, aren't you getting soft?" teased Tommy. Nikki glared at his terror twin, flipping him off with some affection. "I mean it! It's nice that you're making something sentimental for Sam. Not all of us can think of these things," reassured Tommy, dropping the stack of photos back on the table.
          "Thanks. I hope she likes it when I give it to her,"
          "If you're bored doing nothing, how come you don't get into photography with Sammi?" pointed out Mick. Nikki looked at Mick in a pondering thought, eyebrows creating deep elevens.
          "Mick has a point, Nik. Since you and Sammi are so in love, you two can bond over that. I know Heather badgers me about bonding to 'grow' our relationship," said Tommy. Nikki only shrugged at the idea, continuing to work on the photo album as it seemed that was the only type of work he would be doing today.
          "Guys, Vince just pulled into the building. I don't know if you want to talk to him before we begin?" asked the sound engineer. The men all glanced at each other in the form of communication. They waited for who would be the leader to respond. Of course, they all knew it was going to be Nikki.
          "Yeah, just give us ten minutes," said Nikki. The sound engineer nodded towards the band and walked out from their side of the studio into the hallway. No one moved from their spots as they waited for Vince to walk through the double doors of the booth. It reminded Nikki of when Sammi and Sabrina caught them high, with Vince visibly angry. Nikki chuckled at the irony of being responsible and completely sober, unlike someone who should be. As Vince walked into the sound booth, he scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion when seeing two of his bandmates surrounding Nikki. The closer Vince got to the table, he could see the photos scattered out, only paying attention to the ones solely of Sammi.
          "What the hell's going on here?" Vince asked indirectly to Nikki.
          "You'd know if you were on time for once in your life," sarcastically said Mick. Vince mockingly chuckles.
          "I'm not that late," objected Vince.
          "Recordings were support to start thirty minutes ago," said Nikki, eyes still glued down at the album. Vince rolled his eyes in response.
          "Nikki's making a photo album for Sammi's birthday," said Tommy, leaning on his knees as he watched Nikki create this piece of work. Vince raised a single eyebrow with a mischievous smirk upon his lips.
          "Did you find any of Sam and me in those old photos?" asked Vince. Nikki didn't think to answer Vince but instead lifted his head as he began to think with eyes shifting to the lonesome bag on his far left. Nikki stood up in silence and pulled the bag off its stool, rummaging through it. Finally, he pulled out a separate stack of photos tied with a rubber band around the middle.
          "Thanks for reminding me, Vince. I found these in mixed in the final photos and thought you'd all like to keep them," said Nikki, releasing the rubber band and skimming through the thick stack. "Sammi took photos of everything over the years. There's a bunch of us alone or with the Princess," Nikki gave Mick and Tommy around 10 photos of them from times they couldn't even remember. All though he wouldn't say it out loud, Mick felt appreciative of Sammi's love for her friends, seeing the pleasant memories he seemed to forget. Once facing Vince, Nikki held out the rest of the photos from a distance, wanting to keep the same happy feeling going around. Vince didn't bother to move, arms crossed and eyes staring at the pictures in the others hand.
          "Come on, Vince, it's nice to look back at old memories sometimes," said Nikki, arm still raised. Vince only glared at Nikki before turning his back, ignoring the kind gesture. Defeated, Nikki flared his nostrils in annoyance and shook his head as Vince moved across the studio as if nothing. "You're really going to be like that?"
          "Yeah. Yeah, I am. Why would I want photos from Sammi?" asked Vince with venom in his voice.
          "Because she took fun pictures of us to look back on and try to remember. Come see when you were pleasant to be around!"
          "Oh, I'm not fun anymore? I wonder why," spat Vince
          "Could you tell us please because I'm wondering as well?" budded in Tommy.
          "Maybe because he has to sneak behind everyone's back for a sip of whiskey," mumbled Nikki, putting the remaining photos back in his bag. Mick and Tommy faced Vince with raised eyebrows in silence to sound almost disappointed. Vince only cursed to himself as he looked away from his friends.
          "Of course, she told you,"
          "You thought she'd keep it to herself? After yelling at her about the shit hole you dug up for yourself?" asked Nikki, raising his voice.
          "I didn't yell at-"
          "Do not try to lie and make yourself look better, Vince. I thought having Sammi talk to you would be a good idea. She wanted to reach out as a friend after hearing why our asses came back home. But no, you decided to be a dick!" said Nikki.
          "I don't want Sammi in my business! I don't even want you guys in it! I'm just here to do my job,"
          "Job?! You don't even do that! You're either late or do the bare minimum when you are on time," argued Nikki. Arguments like these between the singer and bassist could go on for hours, but after learning life's lessons, someone knew to stop it. Mick tried to stand up from the sofa with all his strength, feeling the heavyweight in his bones. Then, with enough confidence, the oldest walked right in the middle of the yelling men, gently pushing some distance between them.
          "Enough! We're already behind on schedule, and I'm sure the ten minutes are almost up. You two can fight a different day when I'm not around," said Mick. Nikki and Vince glared at each other before simultaneously huffing and splitting apart to their own spots in the studio. Nikki yanked his bag off the stool and carefully gathered what was laid out on the table as he heard the sound engineer and now Doc come back in.
          "Hey, Tommy, can I ask you for a favor?" whispered Nikki, looking over his shoulder if Vince could hear him.
          "Sure, man, what's up?" asked Tommy as he grabbed his drumsticks.
          "I don't want Sammi to get curious about what's in here when I get home, so could you keep the bag safe for me? I'll pick it up when Sammi's at work tomorrow,"
          "Oh, don't worry, the album's safe with me!" proudly said Tommy. "If you want, you could work on it at the house, and I'll help out. Heather should be out the whole day,"
          "That would be awesome. I really appreciated it, T-Bone," said Nikki, swinging an arm around Tommy's shoulders.
          "Hey anything for my brother-in-law,"
          "Oh, you're so sure I'm going to be your brother-in-law?" asked Nikki with a playful smile.
          "You've already been for quick some time, my dude," smiled Tommy, sitting right behind his drum set.
*
          When Nikki unlocked the door of the now shared apartment, the smell of a lasagna welcomed the musician home, as well as the sight of Sammi on the sofa, watching something interesting from what he could hear. Nikki smiled to himself while slipping off his shoes in the corner.
          "Hello, my love!" said Nikki, jumping down to the empty spot next to Sammi, wrapping a loving arm around her shoulders. Sammi couldn't help but let out a giggle, her hair lightly flying up from the sudden movement and taking hold of Nikki's hand. Sammi kissed Nikki on the cheek, relaxing comfortably by his side.
          "Hello! Aren't you happy to be home?" teased Sammi.
          "What's not to be happy about? A good day at the office and now I get to relax with my lady with some dinner,"
          "You really didn't have any issues at the studio?"
Nikki only shook his head, paying attention to what was on the TV to distract from the question. Sammi had her ears locked on the news channel's recap of a trial case from earlier in the day.
          "How was your day? No trouble at the hospital?"
          "Somewhat hectic with patients and making sure everything is done on time. But at least I got home in time for the news to start!"
          "Yeah, just for to watch that freak Ramirez pretend to be innocent in front of all the cameras,"
News cameras followed the defendant as he moved through the courtroom towards his seat. The courtroom appeared filled with other news reporters who wanted to get every detail the judge or lawyers would say, primarily if the defendant acted out in any way.
          "He can pretend all he wants, here's no way his ass isn't getting life in prison. Or worse the death penalty,"
          "I just don't get how he's bringing in all those women. The man manages to have groupies show up at his trial,"
          "Now that you mention it, there is a chance some of those girls tried to get with you from the looks of them," teased Sammi, pointing out a blonde woman in the stands dressed in all leather.
          "Please don't put that in my head after leaving my groupie days behind me," groaned Nikki as he rolled his eyes.
          "What? You don't want to admit to having some questionable taste?" continued Sammi, nudging her elbow into Nikki's side.
          "I believe out of the both of us, you're the one whose taste is pretty questionable," smirked Nikki. Sammi scrunched her eyebrows together with a frown.
          "Did you just insult yourself?"
          "Yes, I did. Anyways! Do you happen to know what's coming up soon?" asked Nikki quickly before Sammi had anything else to add. Sammi pursed out her lips in thought, trying to think the coming days ahead.
          "Today's Friday. I don't remember planning anything for the weekend. I work all next week so I can't think of anything," said Sammi.
          "Okay, let me give you a hint. It's one of your parents' proudest moments," Sammi broke into a chuckle as Nikki also smiled at Sammi, finally getting his clues, wrapping the tips of her hair around his finger.
          "My birthday isn't for another two weeks, Nik,"
          "Yeah, but it's good to plan ahead of time for a celebration so great. Is there any gift ideas in that little brain of yours?"
          "How could I think of a gift if I can't even think of my birthday. A 7 to 5 takes up way too much space in my brain," complained Sammi.
          "Not even the smallest thought of wanting something right now?" bugged Nikki. Sammi shook her head, dropping it back against the sofa with a sigh.
          "You know what, you can surprise me with whatever you want. Do whatever you want and buy me whatever you- except a house or car- for my birthday. How about that?" smiled Sammi. Nikki's eyebrows shot up with glee, smirking as the wheels began to turn in his head.
          "In that case, I'm going to have a nice chat with Athena and Tommy tomorrow. Maybe debate on if we should get a stripper or two," teased Nikki, only to get smacked in the chest by Sammi. "I'm kidding!" Nikki chuckled, wrapping his arms tightly around Sammi, pulling her into a hug. Before Sammi could say anything, the timer on the kitchen counter rang out to alert the lasagna was done cooking. Nikki took the chance and launched himself off the sofa, heading straight towards the oven before Sammi could even register the sound of the timer going off.
          "I could've gotten it, Nikki," said Sammi as Nikki took out the hot tray off of food, leaning against the kitchen bar. Nikki only shrugged his shoulders with a smug little smile on his lips, ready to grab plates from the cabinet. Before Nikki could take another step, Sammi reached out for Nikki's arm, tugging him close into a loving kiss. "You're sweet,"
          "Thanks. Someone helped me with that," said Nikki, nipping Sammi's chin and giving her a kiss on the forehead. "You get the drinks and I'll serve this up,"
          "Sir, yes, sir," shouted Sammi, saluting Nikki as she marched to the cabinet, pulling out two glasses, one for soda and the other for lemonade in the fridge.
October 1st
North Hollywood
          The closet door opened from the spare bedroom slowly turned into an office for both Nikki and Sammi. But with now two people in an apartment together, a mess of boxes, suitcases, and other random things started to accumulate within the spare room. All by herself, Sammi chucked a carry-on bag to the top shelf of the closet, fixing it neatly to add a box labeled journals from Nikki right after. When reaching for another one of Nikki's boxes, Sammi knocked down a standing suitcase with her leg, the luggage falling with a soft thump. Sammi mumbled a 'dammit' as she put the box in the closet, then grabbed onto the handle to lift the light suitcase.
As she was putting away the suitcase in the closet, Sammi could hear the sound of something rattle inside from the slight movement. Sammi shook the suitcase with more force to listen to the rattle more clearly with a confused frown on her face. She knew the bag was one Nikki and her shared but knew they took everything out after a trip. Sammi kneeled to the ground as she unzipped the suitcase, revealing a relatively thick blue book by itself with a small photo of Sammi's face. The photo album. She didn't let her curiosity get the best of her as Sammi only examined the front and back cover of the album, touching the decorative felt. The sound of the front door unlocking stopped Sammi from almost taking her first peek inside the album.
          "Babe, I'm back! The line at Davey's was freaking ridiculous, but I have the bagels and coffee," yelled Nikki from the front of the apartment, locking the door behind him. Sammi rose from the ground with the album close to her side as she left the spare bedroom. Nikki paid no attention when he heard Sammi's footsteps come towards the kitchen, back turned while grabbing their food from the paper bag.
          "Hey, Love, what's this album doing in your suitcase?" asked Sammi, holding up the album as Nikki faced her. Nikki's relaxed and clueless smile turned into a frozen frown, darting his eyes between Sammi and the album. A cough only came from Nikki to clear his throat, staying silent. "Nik?"
          "Did you open that?" asked Nikki.
          "You still didn't answer my question," said Sammi, grazing her fingers between the pages, ready to look at a random page of what was inside.
          "No! Please. Don't," sighed Nikki in an almost defeat, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's your birthday present that I've been working on," Sammi's eyes opened wide as her eyebrows rose fast.
          "Oh! Wait? What?" asked Sammi, confused.
           "I got the idea to make you a photo album awhile back. I was going to give it to you this Saturday all wrapped up, but I guess not,"
          "But when did you start doing this? I hadn't seen you do any sneaking around since you've been back,"
          "That's because I have the help of your work schedule. One of the days I was bored and home alone, I found all of your old cameras with either film still in them or in the casings," said Nikki, walking over to Sammi, where he then grabbed the album to admire his work. "There were some photos I found from before we even met and when we were just friends,"
          "I promise to you, Nikki, I didn't open it at all. I thought it was something Tommy had given to you from my mom,"
          "Well, he did hide it for me so this exact moment wouldn't happen,"
          "Love, I'm sorry I ruined the surprise. How about you put it somewhere where you know I won't find it and I'll wait 'til my birthday like you wanted,"
          "That's a nice idea, Princess, but I think it's little unfair to deprive you of your birthday," smiled Nikki.
          "Did you at least get to finish it?" pouted Sammi.
          "To my own surprise, I did. There were a lot of photos to go through and not enough room. I'll get the coffee while you go open your gift," said Nikki as he kissed Sammi on the forehead and reached for the two paper cups of coffee while Sammi dropped herself on the sofa, waiting. Sammi smiled down at the album in her lap, hands caressing the felt fabric covering the front and back. Then, right when Nikki sat beside her, Sammi opened the book to the first page of a short-written letter.
          Happy birthday, Princess. I love you. I appreciate you more and more with each day that passes. This photo album was something I wanted to make for you, to look back on all the good times you've captured from your life.
          The flip of a page was all it took for Sammi to gasp in awe from Nikki's present.
          "Oh my gosh, is that-?"
"A sixteen-year-old Sammi?"
"Damn. I guess I'm not the best photographer if you found film this old,"
"It made it out alive in the end though,"
Sammi smiled down at the photo album in her lap, grazing her fingers on every single detail written in Nikki's handwriting.
"You really sat down, labeled, and decorated on every single page. Nikki, this is so sweet!"
"Let's look through it before I get any well-deserved praise," said Nikki, turning the next page to be deeper into his creation.
October 9th, 1982
Portland, Oregon
          "Smile!" yelled the tour roadie, pointing an old Canon camera at the motley-looking crew where the boys dressed back into their 'normal' clothes. Sammi held a tight grip around Mick's neck to keep him in the photo, leaning on his back while she sat on the top of the tattered sofa. Tommy and Nikki had laid across both Athena and Mick's lap, each with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a wide-tooth smile. On the other hand, Vince tried to keep his distance even while sitting closer beside Sammi on the sofa's base. Then, with their own versions of a smile, the group stayed still as the camera flash blinded them for a few seconds.
          "Thank you," smiled Sammi, kissing Mick on the cheek, chuckling at his 'annoyed' grunt.
          "You're lucky it's your birthday, Little Girl," said Mick, standing up to find another beer in the mess of people backstage. Sammi hopped off the sofa as the roadie gave her back the camera, looking around the room for something else to shoot.
          "Get off of me, Tommy! You stick of sweat," complained Athena, pushing herself away from Tommy. Athena followed Mick to the other end of the space only to be distracted by the looks of a man she had never met. The Terror Twins didn't bother to move from the sofa; Nikki propped himself on one elbow to take a sip of the straight whiskey while Tommy laid straight on his back. When Sammi turned towards the couch, she looked at the two with glee, pointing the camera in their direction.
          "Say cheese, Nik," said Sammi, capturing Nikki sticking out his tongue to Sammi, knowing it would make her giggle even if it was for a second.
          "That's the money shot," declared Nikki, jumping up from the sofa, getting a dizzy spell right when he stood on his two feet. Vince paid no attention to his surrounding as the white powder he became friends with took effect, looking around the place with alcohol in his hand. Only a bright flash was able to snap Vince out of his thoughts, blinking to catch Sammi with her camera aimed at him.
          "Sorry, Vince, you just looked nice sitting there. I just had to take a photo," said Sammi, putting the camera away in her messenger bag and stepping out into the hallway. Vince remained silent but with an unmistakable puppy love smile on his lips. From the deep corner, Nikki could see Vince's 'stupid' expression as Sammi left, taking this as his cue to follow her wherever she went. If Vince wasn't going to use his time to talk to Sammi, Nikki was most certainly going to take the time. Luckily, Nikki wasn't completely intoxicated like most nights, walking with a head held high through the backstage corridor towards the stage. It wasn't hard to find Sammi standing on the side of the main stage, watching the crowd go crazy for Kiss. Sneaking behind the short girl, Nikki placed his chin on the crown of Sammi's head, causing Sammi to reach above and touch the bassist's face.
          "It's me, dumb-dumb," chuckled Nikki, stepping alongside Sammi.
          "I'm just checking. You've could've been Tommy," smiled Sammi, shouting close to Nikki's ear.
          "Your brother is dead asleep somehow in the back,"
          "I don't blame him. I'm already tired and it's only been a day with you guys," with the change of a song from Kiss, Sammi walked back towards the corridor with Nikki in tow, leaning against the wall.
          "But you're having fun, right?" asked Nikki.
          "Yes, Nikki, I really am. It's a birthday for the books," smiled Sammi.
          "If you want, we can walk down the street to find something to eat. I've hardly eaten anything all day," suggested Nikki.
          "I can tell," teased Sammi, playfully poking Nikki right in the ribs to see him flinch. "But alright. Lead the way,"
          Nikki offered an arm for Sammi, walking straight to the exit door without thinking of telling anyone where the two were going.
*
          Nikki & Sammi didn't need to walk far from the stadium, finding themselves almost entirely alone in a 24-hour McDonald's. They sat across from one another at a table by the window, Sammi looking out the passing cars. Her attention was snapped back into the present after hearing Nikki speak.
          "Huh?" Nikki chuckled with Sammi before getting a chance to swallow.
          "I asked how's school. Are you getting sleepy on me, Princess?"
          "No, I just spaced out for a second. I am pretty tired though," said Sammi, grabbing a fry from her plate.
          "You can sleep on the plane. So, what's college like?" asked Nikki again.
          "Why do you want to know so much?" Nikki just gave a shrug.
          "I don't know, it just seems like an interesting place. I didn't finish high school to even try college,"
          "It's hard beyond belief sometimes. I'm starting to question if I even want to a vet anymore. It's too many years, too much reading, too much money to become one,"
          "Too many years? You sound as if you're already 30 and don't know anything for your life,"
          "It feels like it sometimes," muttered Sammi.
          'Shut. Up! You just turned nineteen yesterday. You'll be fine, now eat, or I'll drag your tired ass to a club again,"
          Sammi followed Nikki's 'instructions' with a chuckled, taking a bite of her cheeseburger. As the two ate in comfortable silence, a question Sammi couldn't shake off popped into her mind.
          "Hey Nik, speaking of clubs um… the kiss?" timidly asked Sammi. The question caught Nikki entirely off guard, coughing to clear his throat from almost choking on his food.
          "What- What about it?" asked Nikki, covering his mouth as a form of hiding.
          "I just want to make things clear between us & my siblings before I get furthered questioned. The kiss didn't mean anything, right?"
          Nikki's breath hitched in his chest, looking out the window to almost prepare him for what he would say.
           "Ye-yeah. The kiss meant nothing. I only did since it was your birthday & that was the only thing that popped in my head," stuttered Nikki, glancing at Sammi then down at the table.
"And that's what I thought! Plus, we weren't anywhere near sober, so it was all in good fun,"
"Exactly… all in good fun," mumbled Nikki, sipping his soda with his eyes laid low.
"Hey," said Sammi, lightly kicking Nikki under the table. Nikki flipped his hair to cover up his eyes, hiding away from the girl. "Let's take a photo together before we head out,"
"Only because it's your birthday, Princess," Nikki smirked, getting up from his seat to move beside Sammi. Sammi took the Canon out of her bag, setting it up while feeling Nikki's armrest behind her seat, before pointing at themselves. But, unbeknownst to Sammi, she would be the only one giving a genuine smile.
September 29th, 1983
San Fernando Valley
          Smoke in the air wafted throughout the two-story house. A mess of people gathered in every corner of the house, dancing or talking. Music blasted so loud; it could be heard almost perfectly outside. Sammi tried to walk throughout the house, squeezing herself past high or drunken people. It had been about 20 minutes since Sammi arrived at the house, but now she needed to find people she knew in the completely unknown place. As Sammi walked further into the house with fewer people and 'cleaner' air, her eyes caught a surprisingly familiar face unaware of her.
          "You've got to be kidding me?" muttered Sammi to herself. Sammi walked closer to the familiar face standing against the wall alone, standing in front of them, still unaware. Sammi cleared their throat in emphasis to get their attention, flashing a fake smile.
          "Hello, Princess," said Nikki, arms crossed and face stern.
          "Well, hello, Jackass," replied Sammi, mimicking Nikki's same face. Nikki almost groaned at Sammi, dragging a hand through his hair as he rolled his eyes. "Fancy seeing you here,"
          "I could say the same for you. What are you even doing all the way over here in The Valley?"
          "Vince told Athena & I about this party. Now I have no idea where those idiots are," Sammi said with annoyance in her voice, looking back at the crowds of people. "What are you doing here?"
          "A couple of guys Tom and I hang out with dragged me here. They're with some randoms for all I know," shrugged Nikki.
          "Sound like great friends,"
          "Yeah, they're the best…" mumbled Nikki.
A silence quickly grew between Nikki and Sammi, looking anywhere but each other. They didn't know who should speak up first after not seeing one another since they were fighting. Nikki was sober from any drugs at the moment, causing him to feel his emotions like an average person for once.
          "I'm sorry," cracked Nikki. Sammi didn't bother to react to Nikki, only turning her head away from him even if she didn't want to move from the spot. "Sammi, can you please say anything?"
          "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to, Nikki. You know that," stated Sammi. Nikki dropped his head with a defeated sigh, and slouched shoulders, wishing the music was louder to drain his conscience that Sammi started to bring out in him.
          "Can we just forget I ever touched that stupid chick?" begged Nikki. Sammi rolled her eyes, dragging a hand through her hair in disbelief.
          "No! Not until you own up to your mistake,"
          "Trust me, I know hooking up with Roxie was a mistake,"
          "Then tell Tommy! It's already been two weeks since that video shoots and nothing!" shouted Sammi, casting a few heads turned in their direction. Nikki only glared at the strangers to make them go away. Nikki gently pulled Sammi closer to him, having her arm yanked away from his grasp. Sammi leaned against the wall with enough space as she scowled at the taller man.
          "Sammi, I seriously don't have the heart to tell Tommy. I already feel like shit enough," whispered Nikki.
"You have a heart? I had no idea!" sarcastically said Sammi. Nikki narrowed his eyes at Sammi, biting the inside of his cheek.
"Are you just going to be a dick to me from now on?"
"Yep!" Sammi said with an enthusiastic smile.
"Even when you join the tour?" asked Nikki. Sammi averted her eyes away from Nikki's gaze, pressing her lips firmly together.
"I haven't made up my mind yet. So far, the answer is starting to look like a no even more,"
"You may act pissed off now, but I know you love hanging out with us more than your two stupid roommates," Sammi's eyes bulged open wide with a tight jaw and open mouth, scoffing at Nikki.
"You hardly know shit about me, Nikki, and don't act like you care either. Don't hold your breath on anything," bitterly said Sammi.
"Whatever, Princess. We'll see about that when December comes around," said Nikki, rolling his eyes.
"Will you stop calling me that?! You don't get to call me anything other than Sammi until you man up & take responsibility. And even then, just stop it entirely!" ordered Sammi, pointing a sharp finger at Nikki's chest.
"Fine, Sammi. Hope you find your sister soon," said Nikki, biting the inside of his cheek
"Fine," said Sammi, pushing herself off the walk to turn her back to Nikki until feeling a grasp on her arm. "What?"
"Are the birthday flowers off the table to until I man up?" smirked Nikki.
"You are so annoying," groaned Sammi, rolling her eyes as she finally walked away from Nikki. She gave a final glance back to Nikki from a safe distance, a subtle sting in her chest when catching him completely alone. Digging into her messenger bag, Sammi pulled out her old Canon that she decided to bring, setting it up before taking a photo of an unaware Nikki. Sammi then put the camera away, stepping outside to finally see Vince standing by a keg with a clear solo cup in one hand.
"There you are! Athena just went to the restroom to find you!" said Vince, throwing one arm around Sammi giving her his beer. Sammi stayed silent with a 'happy' smile on.
August 9th, 1984
Downtown Los Angeles
          "Are you sure the band's okay with us crashing their practice?" asked Emma. In Elektra's new recording studios shared with other record labels, Sammi led her two new friends to the end of the hallway, looking down at her new camera in her hands. "Sam?" asked Emma again, finally getting Sammi's attention.
          "Oh yeah they'll be cool with it. Plus, it's not crashing if I asked my brother beforehand," said Sammi. Right as the girls reached the end of the hallway, they could hear the loud echo of laughter from Tommy in the big booth area of the studio. Sammi didn't bother to knock or cautiously peek inside before opening the door, walking right in as if she owned the place, happy then confused to only see three members of Motley with their instruments. Emma and Sabrina timidly followed Sammi, standing close behind their shorter friend. Tommy was the first to look in the girl's direction, his excited frame slouching once he set his eyes on the three girls.
          "Hey guys, Sammi's here… with friends," said Tommy, walking toward his sister as he threw his drumsticks.
          "You seem happy to see me," sarcastically said Sammi, pulling Tommy in for a side hug.
          "Sorry, I thought you were Vince. He's late for the millionth time," complained Tommy. "You wouldn't happen to know where he is?"
          "No, I haven't seen him since I left his place last night. How late is he?"
          "An hour. Are you sure you don't know where you boyfriend is?" butted in Nikki, shoving his hands deep in his pockets as he walked over to the order of the studio. From the stern and cold look on Nikki's face, it was clear as day the feelings in the studio, Sammi immediately wanting to fix it.
          "Doesn't matter. Would you mind introducing us to these beautiful ladies right here?" asked Tommy with a flirty smile on his lips in front of Emma and Sabrina. Sammi couldn't resist rolling her eyes, playfully punching Tommy's shoulder as he gawked at her new friends.
          "Tommy, Nik, this is Emma," Sammi gestured towards the olive-skinned brunette. "Who coincidently is from Covina. She was a grade below me in high school," Tommy's eyebrows shot up with curiosity, elbowing Nikki with discretion.
          "Well, isn't a small world. I'll have you know I went to every swim team meet before I… left," said Tommy, grabbing softly onto Emma's hand.
          "And if I remember correctly, you only went for the blondes every time before you 'left,'" jokingly said Emma, snatching her hand away from Tommy with a smirk when looking at Tommy's deflated face. Nikki couldn't help but chuckle at Tommy's lousy luck, already liking the stranger.
          "And this is Sabrina. She recently moved to L.A from Sacramento," continued Sammi with the introductions.
          "Hi," politely said Sabrina with a short wave and smile.
          "That's Mick, over there, by the way. He's a man of a few words," said Tommy. Emma and Sabrina only waved at the silent man who only cared about his guitar.
          "It's nice to meet you girls. Hopefully it goes better than last time," uttered Nikki to Sammi.
          "Shut. It. Nikki," said Sammi through her teeth, walking toward Mick without his awareness. Then, Sammi pulled and pointed her camera at Mick from a slight distance, taking a photo that finally made the guitar player lookup with an intense frown on his face. "Hi, Mick!"
          "What's with the photo, Little girl?" asked Mick.
          "I wanted to take photos of your guy's practice. Also, you haven't noticed anybody since I walked in so had to get your attention somehow,"
          "I don't remember hiring you to be the photographer," teased Nikki, ruffling Sammi's hair as he went back to the sofa next to Mick.
          "It was a company decision by Mr. Harrison. We just forgot to tell you all," chimed in Sabrina, standing next to Sammi.
          "And how do you know the CEO's name?" asked Nikki with a raised eyebrow.
          "I intern here," chimed Sabrina. Nikki and Tommy looked almost impressed at Sabrina, looking at Emma, who now stood next to Sabrina.
          "You're not going to tell us you're a secretary too?" asked Nikki. Emma and the girls chuckled at Nikki, sitting on the carpeted floor.
          "No, all I do is swim and tag along for comedic relief," said Emma, leaning back on her elbows.
Like the boys, Emma and Sabrina grew into a motion of comradery with one another. Sammi took the chance to take photos of everyone and everything in the studio. When Nikki or Tommy strike a pose, Sammi shooed them to relax, wanting more candid images of the day to look back on later. Mick was the only one of the three to get the message, mainly focusing on the writing he and Nikki needed to work on to take up the time. It wasn't until the clock read 4:30 that the missing link finally walked through the booth's double doors.
Vince halted when his eyes first laid on was Sammi sitting a bit too close to Nikki on the sofa, reading the bassist's notebook of lyrics. It was the giggle Sammi made that caused Vince's chest to twitch in a rage, kicking the door closed to grab the attention of everyone, especially Nikki's. Sammi quickly jumped out of her spot with a smile, dropping the notebook back on Nikki's lap, jogging over arms open wide.
"Hey, babe!" said Sammi, embracing Vince with a quick peck on the cheek. Vince immediately grabbed Sammi by her cheeks and brought her into an intense kiss, hearing a small, surprised squeak from his girlfriend. Seating on the carpeted floor, Emma and Sabrina shared a glance of cautious curiosity behind their friend's back to not cause any more tension. Sabrina did, however, look up at Nikki's annoyed face, moving away from him as he too got up from the sofa.
"Hi, beautiful. I hope you didn't have to wait too long for me," said Vince, wrapping his arm securely on Sammi's waist.
"I was able to pass the time. I want you to meet my friends," excitedly said Sammi, pulling Vince's hand to the center of the recording lounge. Emma and Sabrina hopped up from the floor, standing straight in front of the shorter man, both with polite smiles. "This is Emma. We actually went to high school together," Sammi pointed to Vince, "and this is Sabrina. She just moved here. This is my boyfriend Vince, girls,"
"It's great to meet you two. If I knew we were going to have guests, I would've come earlier," Vince excused himself.
"Vince, it's a sin to lie," chimed in Tommy from his drum set. Vince glared behind his shoulder at Tommy to then flash at Nikki, who kept staring at him right by Tommy.
"Don't listen to Blondie, girls. He's always late to almost every session," complained Nikki. Vince flips Nikki behind his back without the girl's acknowledgment, Nikki rolling his eyes. "Can we finally get started with practice?" asked Nikki.
"Yeah, Nik, we'll be on the sofa, so we're out of your guy's way," said Sammi, moving away from Vince's grasp on her. Before the girls could take their seats, Vince grabbed the canon camera off the table with a smirk on his face. He pulled Sammi back to his side with force, wrapping his arms tightly once again.
"Here, Emma, take our picture," ordered Vince passing it to Sabrina. Sabrina didn't say a word and only gave it to the right person, no change in her face at all. Emma glanced down at the camera to check it was ready in its place, looking through the viewfinder.
"Say cheese," said Emma. Vince and Sammi both smiled widely, close together, unaware of the boys being in the background, all with annoyance but not for Sammi. As Emma pressed the button, no flash or click was heard, confusing both the photographer and Sammi. "I think we finished the film?"
"What? That's not fair. You didn't think to save enough for us, babe?" asked Vince with a scowl, stepping away from Sammi. Sammi's cheeks flushed in deep pink, darting her eye to her boyfriend and the camera in a nervous tick.
"I-I-I swear, I double-checked to make sure the roll was new before leaving my apartment," stuttered Sammi. Nikki shot up from the stool behind the couple instantly, gently pulling Sammi away to sit down, and began pushing Vince towards the middle of the room.
"Oh well! Too bad! Vince, you have work to do. You can take photos later on your own time," said Nikki, grabbing his bass to plug in the cords. Sammi hung her head low to hide the pink cheeks, messing with her hands as a distraction. Emma and Sabrina sandwich Sammi between them, leaning on her for comfort to erase the awkward situation. Then, as Sammi glanced up to the boys, Nikki winked at her with ease, winning a small smile.
July 13th, 1985
Malibu, California
          The summer sun roasted immense heat on the beachy city, not stopping anyone from their weekend. Right by the waters were crowds of both tourists and locals enjoying time off with the hot sand between their toes. At the end of the beach hosted the lavish homes of the mega-wealthy. Some houses had the luxury of the water as their backyards. Sammi, Emma, and Sabrina rode along the rich roads of Malibu in the backseat of a Lincoln town car sent from Nikki, a complete surprise to both Emma and Sabrina. The girls couldn't help but gawk at the passing mansions that cost more than they'll make in their entire lives.
          "Where the hell is Nikki taking us?" asked Sabrina.
          "The only thing he told me was party in Malibu. I've never been here before," said Sammi, relaxing against the Italian leather seats.
          "None of us have been here before, so how does Nikki know Richie Rich?" asked Emma, still staring out the window.
          "Some music guy from a different record label that obviously knows how to spend their money," said Sammi, grabbing her bag from the floor of the car.
          The car soon pulled up to a gigantic two-story cream-colored house with gold pillars and a stone walkway. The open garage showed off six all-black expensive sports cars, either Ferrari or Porsche, to what Sammi can tell. Sammi stepped out of the town car with Emma and Sabrina by her side, thanking the driver before closing the passenger door. With the front door wide open, chatter from others and the good music could be easily heard, showing the girls they weren't walking to the wrong house. The girls entered the grand foyer, finding the home decorated with more accents of gold, from the marble floor to the two front staircase rails. Sammi couldn't help but feel smaller as they stepped further into the home, finding themselves in the sunken living room.
          "Sammi!" Nikki yelled behind the girls, coming out of what appeared to be in the direction of the kitchen. In swim shorts and an open button-down, Nikki walked up with open arms, embracing Sammi in an affectionate hug only. "Emma, Sabrina, it's always a pleasure to you two," said Nikki, touching Sabrina's shoulder for acknowledgment.
          "Yeah, hi, who's house is this?" whispered Emma, walking closer to Nikki to not bring attention to them. Nikki chuckled, still holding onto Sammi like she was doing to him.
          "Aerosmith's manager. Clearly, he's getting a nice percentage from them," joked Nikki, looking around the house. Both Emma and Sammi's eyes shot open wide, Sammi pulling herself away from Nikki's grasp.
          "Are you telling me Steven Tyler could very much be here?" asked Sammi, pursing her lips out. Nikki nodded with a mischievous grin, laughing with Emma and Sammi's shocked face.
          "Steven's single right now, Emma, if you want to have some fun for a month or two," suggested Nikki. Sabrina couldn't help but burst into a chuckle while Sammi only smirked at Emma, who turned playfully annoyed, leaving Nikki confused. "What?"
          "Uhm, Nikki, can I be honest with you?" asked Emma, looping her arm around Nikki's as the whole group walked outside to the backyard.
          "I guess?" said Nikki, sitting on the lounge chairs by the pool with Sammi by his side. Emma leaned forward from their lounge chair, looking around at her surroundings.
          "I'm gay," whispered Emma. Nikki's eyebrows shot up in surprise, trying his hardest to not bring attention to themselves as others passed them.
          "Well shit, finally found a woman I have something in common with!" joked Nikki, smiling at Emma, pleased to see her sigh in relief.
          "Hey!" said Sammi, scrunching her brows at Nikki. Everyone beside Sammi cracked out into laughter, Nikki pulling Sammi in for a hug and Sabrina doing the same for Emma. "We have stuff in common, and I'm a woman," pouted Sammi.
          "Princess, I also want to kiss you all the time. It is not the same thing," teased Nikki, kissing Sammi's forehead while she continued to pout. Emma and Sabrina glanced at each other with a knowing smile as they watched the couple be in pure bliss and in their own little world. Before anyone in the group moved to get a drink or show off their bathing suit, Sammi reached into her tote bag and pulled out her old Canon camera. As a group of girls walked towards the lounge chairs, Sammi reached out to stop the nicest looking one.
          "Hey, would you mind if you take out photo?" politely asked Sammi.
          "Oh, of course not!" said the girl, grabbing the camera from Sammi's reach. "Pose and say cheese!"
          Nikki wrapped his arms around Sammi from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder with a soft smile and bright eyes. The intimidating member of one of the most famous hard rock bands shows a moment of softness for everyone to see.
*
          Pressed into Nikki's side, Sammi closed the photo album with a fond smile, then pressed her lips against the pleather material, the memories she captured over the years finally one place to remember. Finally, Sammi straightened herself to face Nikki, cradling his face with her hands, kissing him on his forehead.
          "Thank you," uttered Sammi. Nikki held onto the hand that cupped his cheek, leaning into the touch as he only stared warmly at Sammi. Finally, he reached out for one single kiss to then sigh with great relief for the end of his little project. It was the most nerve-wracking process he had ever experienced, even if the man's life was a roller-coaster enough.
          "I'm happy you loved it. There were too many memories in those cameras to not have them developed," said Nikki. "Some of them surprising me,"
          "Like your portrait?" chuckled Sammi, resting against the fluffy sofa pillows.
          "Well, I was thinking of all the photos from on the road, but I do look good in that photo," said Nikki, resting his hand on Sammi's spread-out leg in his lap. "Even if you were pissed at me,"
          "When was I not?" teased Sammi. Nikki pinched Sammi's leg in response, chuckling at her yelp. "And yet I still couldn't stay away now, could I?"
          "Something I'll always be grateful for," Nikki said, leaning forward to kiss Sammi on the lips, almost climbing on top of her. However, Nikki didn't bother to sit back down, laying his head on Sammi's chest right where he could hear her heartbeat. Sammi's hand immediately found its way onto the long black locks, running her nails softly on Nikki's scalp. Nikki closed his eyes with a sigh of content from the feeling. "I love you," mumbled Nikki.
          "I love you too," replied Sammi, kissing him on his head. The couple laid together on the sofa with no worries running through their heads for once, enjoying the slow afternoon. Nikki listened to Sammi's steady heartbeat that put him back to sleep just as Sammi followed shortly behind him. The calm feeling between them was almost foreign yet appreciated compared to the treacherous path they made for years. Now it was time to create a new path that both Nikki and Sammi wanted to make that lasted for miles until their last days.
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oskea93 · 4 months
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Keep it to Yourself (2)
✶ DouglasBooth!Nikki Sixx x OC ✶
Warnings: Mention of drug use, cursing. A/N: Thank you so much for the love guys!! I hope you enjoy the 2nd chapter, it's kind of a long one. If you would like to be tagged, just let me know! Gif(@ughmerlin)
Taglist: @fancywasmyname1, @kaitieskidmore1, @xxisxxisxxis, @sparxx27,  @cruecifymesixx, @tempt-ress, @a-sia-san, @x-xinenas, @casualcomputerarbiter-blog​, @makaelahdelvalle
“Is this some kind of sick joke, Bryant?”
I leaned my head against the payphone door – watching as Nikki filled up his car. “Afraid not.”
Wyatt stayed silent for a moment, my surprising news turning more into a nightmare as the minutes passed. He let out a sigh, “You’re 20 years old – got your whole life ahead of you but you decide to fuck it all up by eloping that idiot.” His usually soothing voice dripped with anger.
It was a total whim – Nikki and I were just sitting around, and he brought up the idea of getting married. We’d been together for a year almost and the thought of marriage never crossed my mind. I didn’t even think Nikki found our relationship to be serious half the time. He had dreams of becoming a rockstar – a wife – the old ball and chain – would only hinder that dream. There was no ring – no getting down on one knee. It was basically you have this one chance to say yes and get it done or it’ll never happen again. We scrounged up enough money to get a marriage license and were married the next day at the courthouse. A random guy from the street was our witness – Nikki buying him a bottle of booze as payment. It wasn’t the fairytale wedding most girls dream of, but it worked for us.
“I thought maybe you would have a change of heart and be happy for us.”
An annoyed laugh rang through the receiver, “Be happy for you – Bryant, you need to be married to this kid like you need a hole in the head. I’ve told you from day one that he wasn’t the one – have you're fun and then leave. You need to be with a man that has structure – someone with a steady income – I don’t give a shit if the guy works on Wall Street or at the gas station on the corner, Nikki is not the man you need in your life.”
“That’s rich coming from you, Uncle Wyatt.” I muttered.
This seemed to piss him off even more – “And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
I played with the phone cord, unsure of what to say. “It’s just –“
“Just what, Katherine?” His tone aggressive as he used my legal name. “Now that you’re married, you think that you can talk to people however you want? Just remember this little girl-“ He paused. “I’ve known guys like Nikki all my life – Hell, I’ve been one of those guys and I know how they pick one girl, stay for a bit, and then move on to the next thing. Don’t come crying to me when he kicks your ass to the curb when the next little hottie crosses his path...”
I could pick the man out of a sea of people.
His hair was a little longer than I last remember – his clothing changing with the times and trends. The fancy sports-car that the guys purchased for him glistened in the California sun – the sun hitting the red paint just right.
“There she is.” His arms spreading open expecting me to jump right into them for one of his ‘famous hugs.’
“Hey, Doc.” I forced a smile as he pulled me in.
His touch felt more like relief than welcoming – kind of like a forced thank you for coming and saving my ass. “I’ve missed you, kid.”
I pulled away first as he took in my appearance. It’d been almost three years since we’ve seen each other – a lot of things changing in that time. “You look great.” He smiled. “More mature – nothing like that little girl I met backstage.”
“Yeah, well –“I shuffled nervously. “Someone had to grow up and become the adult.”
His eyes locked with mine, squinting as my words coursed through his brain. “May look different but that attitude is still the same.” He pulled my suitcase out of my hand, placing it in the trunk as I placed myself in the passenger seat. I took a couple deep breaths – the reality of what was about to happen finally hitting me. I was cool as a fucking cucumber the whole flight – only worrying that Wyatt would pop up at any second and drag me off the plane by my boots. I didn’t think about what I would do or say when I finally saw Nikki again. I already knew that he wasn’t going to be happy – raging would be more like it.
The thought of if this was a good idea was now creeping into my psyche. Hannah’s warning to watch my moves and have an escape plan just in case he’s bad enough where he tries to harm me played on repeat as Doc drove through the canyon. From the way he was going, Nikki still lived in the same house.
“So-“Doc smiled. “What’s been happening with you lately? Last I heard you were living in South Carolina.”
I glanced at him through my shielded lenses, rolling my eyes. “Just living life.” I was short.
“You got a job?” He continued to press.
“No –“I turned to look at him. “I just live off my good looks and hope old men want a young plaything to leave all their money too.”
His face instantly fell as he glanced at me – my face expressionless as he fumbled to form a sentence.
He chose to end the conversation after that leaving the rest of the journey completely silent. I was somewhat grateful but talking made me forget about my internal thoughts – the ones eating away at my emotions...
“Where are we even going?”
I watched as million-dollar homes passed by as we travelled further into the hills. Nikki remained silent – his eyes hidden behind his dark shades – a stoic expression on his stubbled face. We had been driving for almost 30 minutes – silence taking up most of that time. I could tell from his body language that he was nervous. His body was stiff as he kept both hands on the steering wheel. He was home from the first leg of the Shout at the Devil tour – the guy I had known before tour started was left somewhere on an abandoned highway. Nikki was different – a little distant – more focused on the drugs and booze than before.
Instead of saving the money that was coming in from the shows, he and the rest of the band went on a spending spree – laying thousands down on new cars, expensive clothes, and the finest designer powder they could get their mitts on. It was a nice feeling not to be struggling anymore but Nikki was going through the money like water in the desert. His habit went from a couple bumps here or there to being desperate for the next fix. Shady looking characters were in our apartment every night as he got ready to go out with the guys. They followed him around like a puppy would their owner – Nikki was their client – he had the money, and they had the blow.
I kept glancing at him as he concentrated on the road, “Is there a party up here or something?”
He cleared his throat, slinking further into the leather seat of the Camaro. “No.” His answer simple.
“Then why the hell are we u-“
He stopped the car in front of a large home – the exterior darker than those around. “Welcome home.” His voice flat. I looked between him and the house – confusion written all over my face.
“What?”
“You wanted a house, didn’t you?”
I stayed quiet for a second – trying to process the situation. “Are you trying to tell me you bought a house – this house – and you didn’t bother to ask me how I would feel about that?” I pointed towards the home; my eyes fixed on Nikki.
He ignored the question, driving past the gate that secured the house from the open road. The driveway was long and steep – the house sitting perfectly on the hilltop. It was an open landscape – not many trees and the perfect view of those that lived in the valley.
“Nikki – you can’t be serious right now?” He placed the car in park – turning the engine off before removing himself from the car. I didn’t wait for him to let me out, hastily slamming the door shut as he rounded the passenger side. “Please tell me you didn’t buy this house?”
“You know-“He smiled as he removed his sunglasses – the telltale signs of last night written all over his face. “You bitch about living in a small apartment but yet here you are bitching me out for buying you a beautiful house.”
I raised my hands in the air, “I didn’t ask you to buy me a fucking house, Nikki!”
He rolled his jaw in anger as I vented about how we were supposed to be saving money and not throwing it away on things that we didn’t need or things we could wait for. I was perfectly content in staying in the apartment – hell, it was better than the one he was in when I first met him. I made sure to keep it clean and we shared the rent 50/50. Just because Motley had become a success didn’t mean that I wanted him spending that hard earned money on a house. We had plenty of time to look at houses – a house we would both love – not the first one that had a for sale sign.
“Fine –“His voice low. “You don’t want to the fucking house – “He hastily reached into his shirt pocket fishing out the key before throwing it as hard as he could down the embankment. “Then no one will fucking get the house!”
“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” My anger exploded as I raced to find the key. He stood behind, leaning against the black hood. I knew it was gonna be like finding a fucking needle in a haystack – the only chance of getting into the house would be to break in...
Doc’s car pulled up the familiar driveway – Nikki’s overzealous purchases sitting in front of the house. “I’ve always hated this house.” I muttered.
“Yeah-“Doc smirked. “Nikki’s made mention of it a time or two.” He placed the car in park – a knowing sigh slipping past his lips. “Ready for this, kid?”
I tucked my lip between my teeth – a nervous habit I had since childhood. “Ready for it like a hole in the head I guess.”
He chuckled at my answer, walking up the stairs ahead of me. The day I left kept flashing in my mind – the way my shoes hit the stone steps – Nikki trying to follow behind but stumbling from the drugs. Doc unlocked the door using his personal key that he had made, telling me that he had keys to all the guy’s houses. Stepping across the threshold showed me just how much he had changed. The once bright living room was now painted in a dark red – black, leather furniture scattered around the room. The house was an absolute mess! Liquor bottles, beer cans, food containers, and clothes littered the living room and kitchen.
“You can’t afford to get him a housekeeper?” My nose turned up at the smell. “This place is a fucking pigsty, Doc.”
He waved me off as he started towards the staircase. From what I could see, all the doors to the rooms were closed – the bedroom we shared being off to the left side. “Let me go see if he’s up and decent.” I nodded my head, looking around in disgust at the mess.
Gold and platinum records lined the walls – older photographs joining here and there. The photos that hung while we were together were nowhere to be found – probably burned and turned to ash. Heavy footsteps sounded as the person descended the stairs – my heart starting to race at the thought of seeing Nikki again.
Doc appeared seconds later, “He’s not here.” He spoke out of breath. “Fucking needles and baggies are lying all over the closet floor – probably got high and left for God knows where.”
I threw my purse on the couch, taking a haphazard seat as Doc began to pace the room.
“When’s the last time you seen him?” His eyes connecting with mine.
He thought about it for a second, “Probably three – four days ago I guess.”
I looked up at the ceiling, my tolerance for him starting to waver. “You have a guy that’s actively addicted, knocking on death’s fucking door, and the last time you laid eyes on him was four days ago? Are you fucking kidding me, Doc?”
“I talked to him on the phone the day before yesterday and he sounded fine. I can’t be on babysitting duty twenty-four fucking seven, Bryant. I have other bands that need me –“
“No-“ I cut him off. “You have other cash cows that are out there killing themselves so you can make a name for yourself and have money in your pocket.”
He ran a hand through his thinning hair, “I didn’t bring you out here so you can rip me a new one, Katherine.”
My anger finally coming through, “Don’t fucking call me that.” My finger pointed in his face. “You don’t have the right or luxury to ever call me by my real name.”
“And who has that luxury, Bryant?” He pressed. “Your fucking ex-husband who’s out there killing himself because you fucking left him? You know you may think it’s my fault that Nikki is the way he is, but you’re just as much to blame. He didn’t get bad until you sent the fucking divorce papers – this is on you, sweetheart.”
“Fuck you.” I pushed past him, making my way to the front door.
I started walking down the driveway, not even caring that the sun was starting to set, and I didn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to pick me up. I made it about halfway down before Doc’s car came up beside me. “Get in the car, Bryant.” His voice monotone. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that in my 25 years of being on this planet. That was my go-to move anytime Nikki pissed me off and we happened to be in the car. Hell, there was sometimes I would just get out of the car at a red light and start walking down the busy street.
“I’m sorry –“ I turned to look at him. “I don’t accept rides from assholes.” My boots slapping against the concrete.
Doc let out a string of curse words, finally stopping the car as he got out and tried to catch up. His fingers grabbed tightly onto my wrist, spinning me around into his body. “Fucking stop, Bryant.” His breathing ragged. “I already have enough to deal with and you acting like a fucking brat doesn’t need to be added to the plate.” I pushed the hair out of my face, yanking my arm out of his hold.
I waited a second as he walked back to his sports car before inching my way back to the passenger side. I may have slammed the door a little too hard, earning a look from Doc as he drove to the main road.
“Vince is throwing a party-“He spoke. “My guess is Nikki’s probably there since all the dealers are there.”
“He’s like a month flying to a bug zapper.” I mumbled.
The drive to Vince’s beachside mansion didn’t take long – traffic being light for that area. Different cars surrounded the home as music blared out of the open windows. I watched as people moved out of the way as Doc drove up to the front – those outside looking to see who was arriving. I didn’t bother waiting for Doc this time – getting out and stomping up the staircase.
I had no idea where he could be – the house was ginormous. The music grew louder as I neared the living room – a circular couch sitting in the middle of the room. A tall skinny guy was the first person I noticed – still having the same stupid haircut he had when we first met. Tom was a fish out of water in the world he lived – the opposite of Motley Crue. It still amazed me to this day that he was the reason Motley got signed.
My eyes moved across the couch, a head full of jet-black hair bent over a silver serving tray caught my attention. I watched as the lines that were perfectly placed vanished as the rolled up bill moved in a vertical motion. His head popped up for a moment, rubbing his nose as the high was hitting.
“I see you found him.” Doc stood next to me. “This is mild compared to what he’s usually doing.” I kept my eyes trained on Nikki as he talked to Mick and Tom – laughing at whatever they were saying. “Bring back memories?”
I glanced at Doc, rolling my eyes before walking towards the white couch. Nikki was in his own world that he didn’t even notice that someone was getting closer. Tom was the first to notice, his jaw dropping to the floor as his eyes grew wide.
“Holy shit.”
Nikki and Mick looked up to see what caused Tom’s reaction, Nikki’s eyes connecting with mine. It took him a moment before his smile started to fall – sobering up within seconds.
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