#do people think the show went out of its way to show wills rejecting the attractive girl in his class cause they were in a silly goofy mood? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mystxmomo · 9 months

Text

Oh shit. Another curiouscat I had to move to tumblr because I broke character limit again.

So I am combining these two together in the same ask because, in truth, I don't think you can talk about Luca and Alva being mischaracterized separate from each other. So much of their mischaracterization comes from a respective opposing interpretation of the other character. I'm actually going to start with Luca, because I do think this is his story for better or for worse.

Guys. Luca is an adult.

More then that, Luca is an abuse victim and an adult runaway. Like that's not a headcanon, that's plain text canon. His dad neglected his family. He got a college application and rejected it within his deductions. 1900 wasn't so long ago that people were going to college at 16. By the time we meet him in the canon of the story, He's an abuse victim still dealing with that, a newly disabled former able bodied man, and coming out of Victorian prison.

A lot of people view Luca as being very childish for how he handled the fight with Alva. And to some degree it was, Luca doesn't seem like he has very good emotional regulation in the way a lot of young adults in that age range just generally are not. Even in the modern day, the amount of early 20 something's having breakdowns on their Twitter page about the injustices of the world is immeasurable.

But he wasn't /in the wrong/. From Luca's perspective, for all the information that he has. Alva Lorenz IS a thief. Not only is he a thief, but he's a thief in such a way that it, TO LUCA'S KNOWLEDGE, profited off his fathers work at the expense of his families well being. His mom died, man. And learning that Alva had those plans recontextualizes it to be just as much Alvas fault as it is his father's.

He has every right to feel betrayed! He has ever right to indignation! Alvas entire platform, to the information Luca has available to him, is based on plagiarization and theft of his families ideas. While there's shown to be a confrontation, we know this argument went on for a significant amount of time because Lucas deductions SHOW people talking about it. Luca accused him of being a thief before the confrontation that killed Alva and disabled Luca, and at any point inbetween that process Alva Lorenz could have sat him down and explained to him that he worked with his father, and that he had as much right to their ideas as his family.

But he didn't. Because Alva Lorenz is kind of a coward! He thought it would go away on its own!

This is where we get into the Alva Lorenz side of things.

Alva, from everything we have been given, is an incredibly immature man hiding that immaturity under the guise of stem professionalism, and then religious authority. With all of the above in mind, even if their relationship WAS strictly a platonic mentor-student relationship, let alone a sudo-familial one, it would not be a healthy one. Their relationship is not a healthy one.

They are both adults. Alva Lorenz is the adult with more life experience. He is the one that should have sat Luca down and explained himself. But he did not. Alva is not mature. He is not a good man. He would NOT be a good father figure. People, when they ship him with Herman, really try to make the fact they have wives work with lavender marriage. You are being too kind to his character. He would have cheated on his wife to be with Herman. And I understand wanting a more positive approach to these relationships, I understand not wanting the female characters to suffer. But that is not the canon we are presented. And we know this, because of how he treated Ann.

If he was a father figure, he would be willing to enable Herman's neglect. He was willing to enable the cat cults abuse of power to get what he needed, and he would be willing to enable Herman's neglect for that same reason. We don't know what he got from the cat cult yet, but we know he was willing to work with them. We know from Ann's perspective that he ruined her life. We know from Alvas perspective that he doesn't even think about the fact that he ruined her life, because she is NONEXISTENT in his narrative. It is ALL about Luca, and his relationship to the Balsa's.

And that's good writing. I know people are disappointed that she doesn't pop up more with him, but that tells you exactly the kind of authority figure he is. She was no one to him, and he treats her like she's no one.

The thing about Luca Balsa is that he loves passionately. Everything he does is from a place of sincere belief in the *rightness* of it. He feels as strongly as he does about perpetual motion because he believes it can help people, and if HE discovers it, HE is helping people. He sincerely does care about the people in his life, even if he is a moron about it. I think Alva Lorenz is a selfish man. I think he loved Herman, and Loves Luca, and because he cares about them that's what his focus is. He does not care that he hurt Ann through the cat cult. As far as we can tell, he does not care that Ann exists. Alva Lorenz exists in a perpetual state of "fuck you I got mine."

The most infuriating part about all of this is that Luca already has a surrogate father figure within The narrative of IDV. He HAS someone that does want to be a healthy mentor figure to him. It's BURKE. burke has been projecting onto him since we have gotten his second year letter. This relationship with Burke is literally what people who don't like Alvaluca characterize the Alva & Luca relationship to be. But at the end of the day, their goal isn't exploring a complications student-teacher relationship. It's engaging with a set of characters in a way they personally see as being morally correct.

And don't get me wrong. I do have a few issues with the Alvaluca community's interpretation of the two that I've never been quite quiet about, and that gets a lot of AlvaLuca people really defensive sometimes. The Alvaluca relationship IS an unhealthy one. You cannot get around that. No matter how much they love and care about eachother, they are so deeply and horribly bad for eachother. But that's the meat of it. They're soulmates in the worst possible way. Theyre always going to effect eachother, intrinsically and miserably.

Above all else, I want to explore Alvaluca as this really uncomfortable relationship. I want the eternity manor au to be brimming with melodrama over the Alvaluca relationship. I want Tracy to try and talk to him directly about her concern only for him to dismiss her. I want Naib to try and bring it up while they're smoking only for Luca to LIE HIS ASS OFF about not thinking anything is wrong with their dynamic. I want Edgar to hate Alvas guts because he's fucking Luca, because he sees the situation and he projects his situation with Sarai and sees red.

Because the unfortunate reality of being an adult that exists in the working world is that your friends will get into these deeply uncomfortable, deeply unhealthy relationships. There will probably be a time where someone you personally care about date someone two decades older than them. One of your college classmates will get caught hooking up with the professor. One of your retail coworkers will get caught fucking in the break room. Some of these relationships will crash and burn, some of them will move on to marriage despite the power imbalance. These are very real things that happen all the time and to say that we are forbidden from exploring that in Media is absolutely goddamn ridiculous.

#It's not to completely tangent #but this is what I mean when I say we don't actually have any toxic yuri in idv.#EmmaEmily is the closest thing we have to that #and people start getting squeamish when their relationship is still being portrayed as relatively positive and caring #just from a former power imbalance. That is aside from the point! Just something I wanted to bring up because you have me ranting and raving #we dont have any femslash pairings that have quite the same level of THIS complexity in its toxicity #unless 15 year olds are calling you out for shipping it its not a true toxic ship

16 notes · View notes

onewholivesinloops · 1 year

Text

...I want to say I have mixed feelings about this arc after reading the latest chapter but that’s been the case since this arc started (understandably so, probably) so I’m repeating myself.

I’m just a little disappointed by the Ooishi change. I liked how in the Sotsu version Teppei went out of his way to ask Ooishi for help on his own so it wasn’t something Satoko anticipated and seeing how much her uncle is willing to do to keep her safe was something that furthered her conflict, but in this version it’s something she manipulated him into doing so it’s all within her expectations.

I guess she’s a little surprised when Teppei kneels a second time and begs Ooishi to accept Satoko’s request to have a drink so maybe we’re going to get something similar here but it’s just less pronounced right now because it’s only the beginning (I’m presuming this arc is going to be 3 chapters minimum like Oniakashi or Wataakashi because it’d be odd to speedrun it when Tataridamashi is the longest question arc).

There’s still the stuff with the Child Welfare Office and the phone call with Rika that should be coming soon. Perhaps Satoko doesn’t fully buy into Teppei’s change of heart at the moment but him showing that he’s willing to go as far as sacrificing himself for her sake will make her feel conflicted.

It’s very possible nothing will come from that end though and it’ll have more to do with Rika because she’s the one talking to Satoko (thinking of how she brings up Satoshi and Satoko’s expression can be interpreted as frustrated which might mean something in the context of how her showdown with Shion went in Wataakashi) which I’d probably be into but ideally I want a little bit of both if possibl--

Anyway I don’t think Teppei was handled well at all in Sotsu and I’ve gone off about this plenty in the past so I get why some people might prefer for him to be irrelevant in this, but I think I’d find that really disappointing so I really hope that’s not what the manga is going for. I think it’d be more offensive to introduce good!Teppei into this storyline then do nothing meaningful with him. Even if he wasn’t written as well as he could be in Sotsu it still felt like the show was making effort to be a little critical of his change by respecting the trauma Satoko had because of him. There was some real nuance whenever Satoko did the happy witch eyes. She was smiling but it still looked like she was deeply hurt every time she was around him because she looked detached and melancholic. It was the core conflict of the arc that was constantly raising the question of whether Satoko is truly happy with what she’s doing and the answer ends up being that she’s not which is why it culminates in her rejecting her uncle because of her inability to move past her trauma and all the resentment therein so she doubles down on the witch side and detaches herself further from her human feelings.

I’m willing to compromise and be open to the narrative doing something different in the manga but I think for it to succeed, Satoko seeking bliss from her own misery and putting herself in this retraumatizing situation has to have a realistic effect on her, because as much as she close to becoming a witch right now, she’s still a victim of serious abuse, and I don’t think any amount of “teehee I’m so quirky and evil” can make the effects of such trauma disappear. This type of characterization works well enough when the power fantasy aspect is being emphasized but this is going to run its course soon enough and it really needs to start feeling like there’s something beneath this act in a way that’s similar to the anime (maybe even better but I want to keep my expectations in check). The manga needs to switch gears soon if it wants to treat Satoko’s trauma with the weight and gravity it deserves. There’s also the tonal shift from Tataridamashi to Nekodamashi and Tatariakashi is all about Satoko fighting herself so maybe this is what the twist of the arc is going to be. This was the point of Sotsu with Satoko being so deep in denial about retraumatizing herself because she believed she’s winning but I’m wondering if the manga is emphasizing the denial part so the result can hit harder.

Anyway I wanna give credit where credit is due because otherwise I’m just being completely unfair towards the manga?

I still think Meguri is generally handling the power fantasy aspect better in terms of Satoko enjoying this because she craves control more than anything and I like that it took one of the most interesting plot points from Sotsu (Eua saying Satoko enjoys making herself into an object of pity to get attention and sympathy from others) and made it more explicit. I also think it’s very possible for the manga to smooth over the things where it’s been seemingly falling short in upcoming chapters. It’s not as overt as Sotsu but I’m thinking of her “fake” breakdown in the classroom because not only does it make it clear that she still hates her uncle but the fact that she had to make herself imagine being abused by him to play out the breakdown convincingly is really interesting.

She was crying at the end and it could be argued that it’s part of the act but she had to be broken out of it by Rena or Shion yelling her name so the fact that she’s overdoing it might be messing with her and her trauma might come to a head in the upcoming chapters.

There are plenty of things I can point to to say that the manga could be laying the groundwork for something interesting (and I’m pretty sure I’ve been bringing up most of them the past few weeks) but I want to remain cautiously optimistic. It’s not out of the question for Tomato to mess up here so I wanna keep this in mind. I think the way he handled Satoko in Satokowashi was great but Tatariakashi is more difficult to get right.

#higurashi #higurashi meguri #satoko houjou #gamo.txt

27 notes · View notes

magiclovingdragon · 2 years

Text

So, anyone want to read my theory about how and why syIvie cant really continue as a character past Ioki s2?

Warning this is not exactly sylvie/sylki friendly. I’m not attacking anyone but please dont read if you’re going to look for a fight, I dont want one and its literally just a theory.

I don’t think Sylvie can continue as a character past s2.

The only character she really interacted with in s1 was Loki, her storyline with Kang and the tva is pretty much all wrapped up (one could argue her childhood nexus event but it was already l, very subtly revealed. When they arrested her as a little girl, she was playing with her Valkyrie dolls and she was roleplaying the Valkyrie that defeated the dragon and saved the day… she was playing the hero. Loki’s are not supposed to want to become or become heroes at all, they are supposed to be the villian who always loses. so because young Sylvie wanted to be a Valkyrie and protect Asgard, she violated the sacred timeline. She was not meant to be a hero, none of her actions so far in s1 make her a hero, to me she can not and will not be a hero going forward and the Lamentis nexus event was designed by He Who Remains to get her and Loki off Lamentis, back to the tva and then to the citadel). Her individual plot in s1 is only ‘kill HWR’, not even properly stop the tva because she could have been recruiting the tva workers instead of killing them, she knew they were victims like her that had been kidnapped and brainwashed. But she didn’t, she went straight to the top, killed HWR and has seemingly left to live her own life. Her story arc is essentially done. I don’t think she will have a redemption because she doesn’t think she did anything wrong and even if she did think it she wouldn’t admit it (like killing the minutemen she knew were victims - she just said “I did what I had to do”, no accountability or remorse).

She has no meaningful or lasting interaction with anyone else but loki and HWR. The former she betrays and rejects, not just romantically but in every way between “you cant trust and I cant be trusted” and her repeated denials of being like loki/“a loki” and the latter she kills so where else can her character development go? They had some really interesting potential between her and B-15, Ravonna, Mobius, etc. but they barely did anything with that and only really cared about her in regards to TVA Loki. She has no real interaction with the other Loki variants in the void either, and they barely let her remember her own parents or her Thor. She is completely isolated in her story and I cant see her crossing over into the main mcu because even with as much as we’re told she’s amazing, frankly she is very bland and unlikeable, her only characterisation is ‘angry and can fight’. If she interacted with other mcu characters they definitely wouldn’t like her after finding out she was willing to put the whole multiverse at risk for her own selfish desires.

I know from what’s already been said by people working on the show about s2 essentially being “the search for Sylvie and to right the multiverse” but I can’t imagine her going “Oh I was wrong I’m so sorry, let me team up with you guys even though I insult and assault you all the time and betrayed you Loki. We’d make a great team even though we’ve already established we cant trust each other!” It would be out of character. She’s such a lone wolf and clearly hates working with others so I can’t imagine a redemption involving her joining other mcu heroes. Sylvies arc is so self-centered and selfish, her attitude so abrasive and condescending, that without Loki pining after her or the tva hunting her she cant believably interact with anyone else. Ravonna is Kangs love interest in the comics so I can see that happening and her expanding out. B-15 could become a shield agent if she wants or could just go back to her old life and never be heard from again. Mobius is a popular character and has other potential with him being MR Tesseract in the comics. Sylvie, there is next to no potential for her because she’s already achieved her selfish revenge, screw everyone else in the multiverse. There is no redeeming that in my eyes other than a last minute ‘I’m forced to help the mission/fight kang as defence and then be killed’ style “redemption” (and I personally hate those because its not actually redemption because there is no work being put in to be a better person, its just dying) but again I dont see it happening because she doesnt hold herself accountable. I think either she will refuse and live on a timeline, maybe with the postman mentioned in ep3 if they ever actually existed, never to be heard from again or she will in some way be forced to fight a Kang and he will kill her to A) establish him as the big bad both in the show and in the mcu proper going forward, B) as a mirror of her killing HWR (who was keeping his other variants in check) and starting all this multiverse mess and C) as a mirror to Ioki “helping” Thanos and then being killed by him. She could potentially be a villain, it would definitely be interesting and her actions in s1 pointed that way to me but again I cant see anything that could involve her crossing into the main mcu as a villain because right now it would be too similar in the broad strokes to what has been done with Wanda so I cant see them going that route again, especially so quickly.

From what we know sylvie’s only appearance is in 2 locations, the mcdonalds and a record store which I’m assuming will happen in the same episode so I really don’t think she’ll play a big part at all in s2. I dont think they’ll continue with sylki after she betrayed him and all the offscreen controversy surrounding it (incest, transphobia ect). Marvel cancelled brucenat and stevesharon over less harmful criticism. The ship is also just pure toxic, its not a progressive relationship at all, if their presenting genders were swapped it would be abusive but because its a female presenting person doing it to a male presenting person its brushed aside, he’s a simp and she’s a girlboss. There is also no growth for her in the relationship because she has already established that whatever she may feel for him is not as important as her own desires and again she then rejects and betrays him.

As a character most people just dont really care about her much. Critics didnt really like her other than “girlboss we should hype up”. We know that critics were only previewed the first two episodes, the first two episodes were the most watched and highest rated. I fully believe, what with everything Tom has said, that he was proposed the show based off the first two episodes. Everything from episode 3 onwards felt like a completely different show. Sophia herself isnt that skilled an actor or personally likeable, especially after her comments on Loki’s genderfluidity. She doesnt have that much onscreen or offscreen chemistry with any of her costars and she actively shits on Loki’s character to hype Sylvie up and she admits she did not research into Loki at all, not even collaborating with Tom and said Sylvie was basically being made up as they went along and Herron added extra Sylvie scenes in while they were filming which makes sense when Season 1 had a different original storyline (and I’m sensing that season 2 sort of is the OG storyline that they had in mind what with marvel reusing the s1 synopsis for s2). I remember Michael Waldron saying in an interview that they were mid way through writing the show when a female writer came to them and pitched the Loki and Sylvie romance love story, and he said he and the rest of the crew just went with it and Herron has previously said she thought the end of s1 would be the last we see of Sylvie.

#pls dont attack me for this its just a theory #I’m not saying I want it to happen #loki s2 theory #loki series meta #loki series critical #loki series negativity #anti sylvie #anti sylvie laufeydottir #anti sylki #antisylvie #antisylki #loki s2 #loki series

54 notes · View notes

animalstamp · 2 months

Text

Birds of a Feather

Chapter 23

Chapter 23: Its Show Time (Show Me You Mean It)

Boi made it to the nice sandwich place with time to spare. Yep, just enough time to have both excitement and anxiety take turns beating up his heart. Then the object of his anguish finally shows herself.

She dressed nicely today as well. She wore a dress, much like the one she wore when they first met but distinctly different. It has a slit up the side that showed a tantalizing amount of leg. Boi shifts in his seat. Down Boi Jr. They were so overdressed for this place.

“Babe! Over here!” Despite his poor nerves, he was very happy to see her.

She smiled as she sat down opposite him, but he could see that she too was nervous with the way her hand maintained a harsh grip on her purse. “Don’t you look handsome today. If I didn’t know better, I would think something important was coming up?” She joked tautly.

“It is an important day, so I decided to dress important too. You’re gorgeous as always.”

“Yeah, today is special… that’s why I have to tell you something.” Roxana exhaled.

“I’m all ears.” Boi puts his hand out for her, and she doesn’t reject his offer for comfort, setting her hand in his.

Hands now joined Roxana continued. “You’ve been so good to me Boi and despite all the headaches, you kept being good. So, I understand if this might be the one bit too far.” She bites her lip.

And the more Roxana hesitated and agonized over it the more Boi wonders how badly this conversation must have gone for her before to make her so reluctant. How many people have broken her trust? How many people have called her terrible things for just being what she is? How many people have ghosted her?

“Hey, look at me a moment?” Boi stopped her, feeling a little bad when she winced at his request.

Roxana avoided his eyes before finally looking at him. When her eyes met his he could feel it. The fear, sadness, uncertainty and self-loathing. Eyes, so familiar to him and yet so different. She longed to be understood and Boi knew that feeling. Of trying to cover the gap between, to reach the other person so for once you could feel seen. He was also familiar with the pain that came when the divide between is too far and the hurt that came when the other person would refuse to even meet in the middle. Feeling like a shade, only half realized without being properly perceived.

Boi leaned forward and confused Roxana copied him until their foreheads touched. He stared deeply into her eyes, willing her to know that he did understand and that he wasn’t afraid of her for what she was. Praying that she’d believed that if she reached out that he would reach out too.

“Tell me.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’m a demon.” It finally came out and it was weight off both of their shoulders. “But you knew that already, didn’t you?” Roxana sighed.

“Yeah, sorry. Pico told me.” Boi admitted.

“How long did you?”

“The day that I ran out of the house.” Boi cringed at the memory.

So, he knew for a while and kept going about his day as normal. She should have known that Boi wouldn’t flinch. Balls of steel. However, she still had a question. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“Is it weird that I felt it was important that you told me?”

Roxana looks away for a moment. “Does it really not bother you? I’m not like other girls. I’m not going to be able to be cute all the time.”

“Babe, no offense but you were kind of weird from the jump.”

Aghast, Roxana’s eyes return to his. “What do you mean??”

“Eating bones is a little weird, I’m not going to lie to you. And don’t let me forget how you almost made me shit myself that one night. Stalking around outside someone’s window is a little strange.” Boi couldn’t keep the amusement from his voice. Thinking back, he really should have figured it out by himself. A lot had been going on at the time, but Roxana was definitely going to rip Pico into shreds. Or how she wanted things to be dark during “fun time”. Did she look different when she got excited? His mind went straight to the gutter.

However, he was distracted from all that as Roxana covered her face in embarrassment. “Was I really that obvious?” She knew that she hadn’t been on her best behavior, but the hindsight was killing her. She hadn’t even realized how some of that must have looked from his perspective. Sooo embarrassing! Made even more so that it took her so long to say anything.

“Aw, relax Roxy. Pico still had to tell me.” And that reflected more poorly on him than on her.

“I really am stupid.” Roxana whined, “How can I live like this, being this dumb.”

“Aw baby, if you’re stupid then I’m stupid. We can be two stupid peas in a pod.” Boi pulled her over to his side of the booth, so they were side by side. He pressed a handful of kisses to the side of her neck and let his other hand tickle up her side. She squirmed and giggled just as he hoped she would. “Being smart is overrated anyway.”

Roxana returned his affection with a kiss on the mouth. “Thank you.”

“Huh? For what?”

She tucked her head into his shoulder. “For being such a good boyfriend.”

“Then I should thank you too for being the best girlfriend.”

Finally, it felt like his words were reaching their destination. The tips of her pointed ears were turning red. Now was time for the killing blow. He reached down for the bag that he sneakily hid from view. “I got us a little something~”

“Oh, Boi I don’t think my heart can take much more.” Roxana’s flustered face made its reappearance, and he couldn’t help giving her another kiss right on her nose.

“Just bear with me for a little longer.”

Roxana couldn’t help thinking that she wouldn’t mind bearing with him forever but cut herself off. It wouldn’t be the first time she had thought that. You would be surprised how short forever could be. Regardless, she watched as he pulled out a simple black box. He paused to check that she was watching before removing the lid. Nestled inside were the cutest necklaces she had ever seen. She might feel that way because they really were simple, very unlike the kind that her parents tend to wear. Her eyes went straight to the blue one.

“Oh baby, they’re so cute!”

“Here let me put it on for you.” Boi picked up the sapphire on its delicate gold chain. The dim restaurant lights did little to diminish its beauty. It was dazzling but the act itself was what was leaving her feeling dazed.

Roxana lifted the mass of her hair so that Boi wouldn’t have to struggle for too long. Even with her effort he still took longer than he needed to, but she couldn’t help teasing him while he was so close. When he finally finished, redder in the face than before, the pendant sat just above her cleavage. She absolutely loved it.

“Your turn.” Roxana reached for the ruby necklace to place it on Boi. She noticed that the chain was a little thicker compared to hers, giving it a slightly more masculine air. She didn’t have nearly as much trouble getting his on him, being the more experienced of the two. His necklace sat handsomely right in the middle of his collarbone. Roxana barely stopped herself from purring at the perfect picture in front of her. It was hard, with how the emotion was overcoming her. Overwhelmed, tears gathered in her eyes.

The panic in Boi’s eyes only made him even more precious.

“Roxana why are you crying?!”

The demoness pulled him into a tight embrace as she started to sob. “I’m-I’m just so happy.” And she really was! Even if it was hard to tell around the tears. She doesn’t think that she has ever been this happy.

Boi relaxed into her as his surprise faded. Instead of saying anything else he rubbed her back until the wet noises started to taper off. “Better?”

“Y-es.” Roxana sniffled. She gasped as she took in the mess that she made on him. “Oh my gosh! I’m sorry for slobbering on you like that.” Her makeup had graffitied his shirt in a mess of red and wet marks. It looked like a massacre.

“Aw, don’t worry about it. Also, I hope this won’t be the only time that you ruin one of my shirts. If you know what I mean~” Boi wiggles his brows at her.

Never a dull moment with him. “You’re the salt of the earth Boi.” Roxana smiled as she wiped her tears away. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Uh…Are you two going to order…. oooor?”

Boi couldn’t keep the frown off his face. Can’t bro see they were having a moment? This was the problem with people today, no sense of romance or timing. The rapper makes harsh eye contact with the host from around Roxana. “Sampler. Sweet Tea and-”, Boi changed his tone as he referred to Roxana, “What would you like babe?”

“Oh, yes, can I get a BLT with a cherry coke?” Roxana smoothly added and the guy nods before hurrying off. She turned back to her boyfriend. “You know what this means right?”

“Uh, we can never come here again?”

Roxana laughed, shaking her head at him. “No, silly. Now I have to get you something nice.”

“Wha? Roxana, you don’t have to. I mean you did give me a studio first.” He tried to dissuade her.

“Mmm. Nope. I don’t think that counts.” His girlfriend hummed as she grabbed a makeup wipe from her purse and cleaned her face.

Well, he wasn’t going to argue with her. He will just have to get her something else nice to help keep the ‘score’. They made idle chitchat as they waited for their food. For now, the thought of punishments, schemes, parents, and Song Battles were far from their minds.

They just enjoyed each other’s company.

The sun crept to a set far too soon. Sporting a new shirt and fresh black hat that Roxana insisted that she buy for him, they drive to the speedway. They both must have looked a sight, dressed as nicely as they were on a mean-looking bike.

“Hey babe you’re going kind of fast!” At least it felt fast to him.

“Sorry, my bike is kind of excited. It’s been a minute.”

“…What?”

“Oh, right. My bike. My devil bike is alive, and it loves the speedway.” Roxana elaborated for him.

“Oh, yeah that makes sense.” Boi was just going to have to get used to that huh? Just roll with it. “So, it’s like…a dog or something?”

“A dog? Yea, I guess it's kind of like a dog.” Roxana hadn’t really thought about it that hard. It was just there when she needed it to be. Should she have been feeding this thing? She sure hopes not.

It wasn’t before long that the lights of the event guided their way. And a long line of traffic that killed their momentum.

“Oh no, what is she up to? This isn’t just a Song Battle; this looks like a concert.” Roxana growled lowly.

“Ah, wait. So, everyone here is going to watch?” Boi's eyes scanned the lights of the building crowd and felt something inside him quiver in fright. He wouldn’t consider himself someone to get stage fright but then he had never been in front of more than 100ish people tops. This had to be thousands and even more than that if he would count the people on the other side of the cameras. Oh, man, he was starting to feel a little lightheaded.

“Boi stay with me! Don’t you even worry about them! You got this! I’d bet my life on it!” Roxana’s voice called for him as if sensing that he was about to spiral.

She was right! He had a plan, and he was sticking to it. “Thanks, Roxy, I almost lost my head there.”

“Aw, don’t worry I’m sure I can get it back rolling soon enough.” A frightfully familiar sultry voice taunted, startlingly close.

“Mom!” Roxana jumped hard enough to almost fling them both off her bike. She earned a growl from her hog that she quickly apologized to with some gentle pats to the handles.

“Yes, the Mommy in the flesh.” The woman in question strikes a pose from the top of her limousine and the nearby motorists erupt into thunderous cheers and howls.

Boi couldn’t decide if he wanted to cover his ears or his eyes more from the angle that he was at.

“Now I know this little event was sprung out of nowhere, but I knew my fans would support me no matter the time or day.” The statuesque woman ignored the two teen adults to refer to her adoring crowd. “And for all your devotion I have an extra special show tonight! My sweet little Roxana has brought a special challenger today.” She points a talon down at him. “This devious little, short stack had the nerve to beat my poor snookum.”

She paused for dramatic effect, letting the people boo and hiss and work themselves up into a fervor. “But tonight, I will defend my husband’s honor and send this blue-haired tramp running with his tail between his legs. You know what time it is!”

The crowd goes crazy. “Song Battle! Song Battle!” They chant.

Mommy raised her hand and suddenly it was as quiet as a funeral. “Unlessss, you want to run away now? Never say that Mommy doesn’t have mercy~” She kneels down and the limo protested the shift in weight with a creek. With all the smugness of a cat that got the canary, she pointed the mic to his mouth.

He could take the out while it was offered. She was threatening a very public execution.

“What’s you say?” The giant woman grinned.

Roxana traded a nervous look between the two before whispering, hand covering the mic so that she couldn’t be overheard. “You can back out if you want Boi. This is really too much.”

Boi doesn’t respond as he gestured for the silver microphone. The pop star handed it off to him and waited eagerly for his surrender.

“I’m sorry.”

Mina beamed. Her plan worked! Just as she knew it would. This little boy was a little dicked nobody not even close to being worthy of her daughter. It’s better to rip the bandage off now before she goes and gets too attached. It will save her the heartbreak in the long run.

“Boi.” That was all Roxana could say. She knew when a limit had been reached. This was too much to expect him to overcome just for her. She wasn’t worth the possible pain and humiliation.

“I’M SORRY I’M GOING TO RUIN YOUR BIG NIGHT! Hope you're ready to join your husband because I’m whooping you next!” The crowd exploded, at this point he couldn’t tell if they were hyped or about to break out into a riot, but it mattered little. “I hate to break a couple up.” He finished with a glare hoping the meaning of his words hit their mark.

The frown on the star’s face was all the confirmation he needed. With a smirk, he blew Roxana a kiss. With the way her face lit up, he knew that this was the right decision, even if he did get murdered. Her smile made it worth it.

“Fine. Have it your way.” With a terrible claw, the elder demoness snatched Boi up by his arm with effortless strength. She throws him harshly to the back of the limo as she sauntered to take her place in the very front. “Let’s roll boys.” And the vehicle speeds off.

Boi screamed as he started to slide further back. The threat of falling off was real. Something stopped him and he took that time to get to his feet. “What the fuck lady!?”

“What? You're fine.” Mommy brushed off his concern. “For now~ I hope you’re ready” With the last word the music takes over. He wasn’t sure from where but now was hardly the time to wonder about it.

He recognized the melody. Roxana’s prediction was accurate. He’s got this! Or he would as long as he keeps his feet under him. It would be a hell of a lot easier if his legs would stop shaking. How fast were they going anyway? Not that it mattered because falling off a moving car at 30mph or 50mph was going to hurt regardless.

With all the confidence of a long-time singer, Mommy hits her first few notes without a sweat. Loud and clear as a bell, you would think that she normally sings on top of moving cars. Boi wasn’t quite so poised. Even knowing what was coming up his voice came out like he was out of breath. The adrenaline was making his chest tight with stress.

Get a hold of yourself, Boi! You’re flubbing up the easy part!

Oblivious or uncaring of her opponent's inner turmoil, she continued her side of the song before passing it back to him. His voice was a little more steady as he mirrored her notes just in time to duet her to try and take some ground back. And while he fought back in the song, he also forced himself to step forward into the wind. It seemed a lot more stable the further he was from the bumper.

It might not have been his best vocal work, but he managed to keep up with her and finished the first song. Boi takes some deep breaths desperate to get some air back into his lungs for what he knew was to come. Satin-Panties was a Mommy classic, back when she was Mearest instead of Murder and it was the slowest song she had.

“Not bad little boy but you’ve ain’t proved yourself a man yet” Mommy set a hand to her hips, devastatingly casual. Did the wind just not affect her or what?? “Let’s kick it up a gear.”

Boi fought back a scream as the limo lurched under him and picked up speed. Despite the acceleration, another limo pulls up beside them with a pack of those grinning goons dancing on top like it was the club. Was Boi high? Is this what being high is like?

Boi stared at them long enough to almost miss the start of the next song. The drums kicked in and he knew instantly which song it was. How ironic but he couldn’t let himself get distracted! He had to fight for his place in this song or be left unheard.

High was a more obscure song from her but not disliked. She didn’t get to sing it often as it was made for duets. Boi is more than happy to oblige her for the afternoon.

He was doing well with the song too. Up until the pop star stamped her heeled boots into the roof of the car, the force of which made the limo dip for a second right before springing back up. Flung upward, Boi screamed as suddenly he had nothing under his feet but air.

He barely heard his name being called over his life flashing before his eyes. Waiting for what he knew would be a painful if not life-threatening fall, he braced for impact. Only to beep as instead of having his skin ripped off or his skull being cracked open, his ribs get bruised smacking back on the top of the limo.

Wincing, he climbed back up to his feet. Damnit! He just missed the whole last quarter of that song! Boi’s brain caught up with him. How the fuck didn’t he fall off there? The limo was going plenty fast enough to leave him in the dust.

“Oh, dear. That was scary. You’re very lucky that you didn’t fall off.” Mommy’s false concern stung almost as much as his ribs did.

“Fuc-!”

“Boi! Don’t worry! I’ve got your back!”

“Roxana!” Boi looked around for her before spotting her keeping pace with them on her motorbike. Their eyes met and despite the red color that covered her normally black eyes Boi never felt safer. It made an interesting contrast as he glared over to another very similar pair of red eyes.

“What’s this?!” The larger demoness snarled. Her eyes ignited into an ominous glim. “Roxana you can’t be serious?!”

“Fair, is fair. Plus, I have skin in this game too, don’t I?” Roxana huffed in defiance.

The giantess growled before smirking. “You really want to win, huh? Enough to even study my songs and my moves? Well, I’ve got one more surprise,” She hissed through gritted teeth.

Then a fog rolled in completely out of nowhere. To the backdrop the crimson light of the setting sun the next track plays over the speakers. The guys on the other limo laugh and jeer as their queen starts.

This beat…These notes…He hadn’t heard this one! Shit, this is a completely new song!

He didn’t have time to panic as it quickly became his turn to sing. He stayed on his toes and freestyled it. It was a little cheeky of him, but she hadn’t given him much to work with yet. He couldn’t see her expression with the fog, but he could guess that she was beyond pissed.

Too bad for her because he was in the zone now. With Roxana at his back, that was all the ammo that he needed.

And he needed it as the wind went from a decent breeze to trying to rip him to shreds. He couldn’t see the turns in the road or even verify if there were any. The car rocked and bucked under him like an angry bull and the storm tore at his shirt. He could only guess that it was Roxana’s magic that was keeping him sure-footed despite everything.

Grinning, feeling even more emboldened, he stomps his way forward again. His voice came through clearly even over the wind and motors. He wanted to see her face when he beat her at her worst. With her standing on the hood, they were almost eye to eye, and he wanted to make sure that she saw that he wasn’t intimidated by her.

He finished off the song and solidified his win. The silence lay between them as the cars continued to race into the fresh night. The daylight had reached its end and so had the Song Battle.

“Um, ma’am?” The imp driving hesitantly questioned. His grin looked more like a cringe at this point.

With a blink the pop star reactivates and turned to the camera that they collectively forgot was there. “My, my isn’t this a turn of events.” Abruptly she was normal again. “But the show isn’t over yet. Like I said this show is going on all night. And while I might have lost, I do hope you enjoyed the debut of my latest song M.I.L.F.”

She effortlessly goes back to charming the crowd like the battle never happened. The people certainly didn’t seem to care. They got their money and more.

He won. That means it was time. “Excuse me ma’am mind if I cut in for a second more?” Boi asked nicely. The Battle was over and in Boi’s books that meant everything was water under the bridge.

With the way her eye was twitching, she probably didn’t share in his philosophy, but she didn’t rebuff him. “Fine then. What you want?”

“I just want to make a little debut of my own.”

The giantess rolled her eyes. “Fine! It's not like I had time to book an opener anyway.” She stomped down to the hood and being this close Boi could clearly see that she had been denting the shit out of it the whole time. “Bubbles! Take us back to the stage.”

Fine. The little bastard can have his moment. She needed some time to calm down anyway.

“Thank you. You’ll regret it.”

“What was that?”

“I think you’ll love it.” Boi looked over to Roxana and the look on her face was more beautiful than the moon herself. If he could help it, she was always going to look like that.

#fnf #friday night funkin #fanfiction #my art #artstamp #long post

3 notes · View notes

willgrahambf · 2 years

Note

I just feel Will doesn't love Hannibal. Will only loves how Hannibal makes him feel. Hannibal wants Will to be a killer because he thinks that is his true self and he would be happy that way but for Will his relationship with Hannibal is all about what he himself gains from it. Not trying to say Will is bad for that, Hannibal doesn't deserve anything and most would kill him for what he did in s1 and he would deserve it. But I just feel Will would gladly kill Hannibal, would gladly leave Hannibal to rot in prison but can't bc he wants to feel understood. Wdyt?

well, let me just start off by saying that every relationship you enter into is selfish in some way because you are getting something out of it, whatever it is that that person makes you feel. loving someone is not entirely sacrificial. it's just not. (i've been in a relationship for almost a decade so i know this lmao) and even if this weren't true, will and hannibal are both inherently selfish people and you can't really understate the importance of being understood on hannibal. the whole theme of the show is being "seen," being understood. the amount of times that someone says, "what do you see?" or "see?" or "see." or any other variation is... a lot. i haven't counted but you get the point. and this is one of the greatest things that you can ever feel with someone. we often feel an internalized loneliness because no one else can really "know" us in that they can't see every thought and feeling and emotion that happens inside of us. human emotions are complex. sometimes its hard to even understand what you yourself are and what you feel and what you want. so will getting this from hannibal is not just some sort of satisfactory, feel-good response. its not just pleasure. its everything. he says, "i've never known myself as well as i know myself when i'm with him." and will does give this to hannibal in return. the feeling of being understood is reciprocal. in secondo, he travels across the ocean to find him. he goes to his childhood home because he wants to understand him. he does this even in the face of rejection, of almost dying, against the advice of everyone who cares about him. if he didn't care for him in some way, he wouldn't have done this because when you love someone you do want to know everything about them and if you really really love them, you're willing to disregard everyone else to say "no, there's something worth seeing and loving in there. what we have between us is worth it." by this point, their relationship is more than hannibal seeing will's capacity for violence and wanting to bring it out in him. they both feel alone, more alone than even a normal person would, but when they come together the world makes sense. as for will being "glad" to kill hannibal or leave him in prison forever... i think there's evidence that that isn't entirely true. perhaps he could have lived with hannibal in prison, but only because hannibal was alive and will did know exactly where he was and where he could find him, and i don't believe that he could be entirely "happy" with hannibal in prison and this goes back to knowing himself and the world making sense when he's with hannibal. as soon as he's pulled back into the world of the fbi, he says he has to go see hannibal even though we've seen will solve murders with way less evidence even when his brain was on fire. he could have said no to jack. he could've solved the case himself, but he didn't. he went back to hannibal.

will is a complex character who contradicts himself constantly and makes himself willfully ignorant at times. he tries to believe one thing that he believes is right or he's been told is right until he has to make a decision and then the real will comes out. if he'd been glad to kill hannibal without a second thought, he would have shot him in his kitchen in yakimono. he would've slit hannibal's throat when mason had him over the pig pen. he could've come up behind him in the uffizi gallery and stabbed him in the back. will has numerous chances to kill hannibal, and he chooses to save him every time. no example is greater than the wrath of lamb. he sets up this whole thing where dolarhyde is going to kill hannibal, but when the moment comes, he draws his gun to stop dolarhyde. the only way that will is glad to see hannibal dead is if he is with him. because they are one. they're conjoined. living without each other is the real agony because they'd go back to being alone. i would say if you don't understand this, watch the show a couple more times. remove yourself from the sugar-coated idea of love that tv and movies give us. real love is about accepting each other, being free to be yourself, knowing that no matter what you are safe from judgment with that person. i've told my partner things that i have never told another soul. i just can't say enough how being understood is not a trivial thing. if its selfish then its the most important selfish thing that you can do for yourself. if no one ever understands you, you will feel alone forever, and humans are not built to be alone. we need someone to be looking back at us.

#yep this is really fucking long but anon asked a big question so here's a big answer #i genuinely hope this helps #i think hannibal is one of those shows that takes a few watches to really get it #hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannibal meta #ask

85 notes · View notes

erstwhilesparrow · 8 months

Text

okay. been thinking about double life mecha AUs because there's some really good pacific rim AUs out there that make me want to chew on drywall. let's. attempt putting thoughts to words:

not really thinking about pacific rim specifically on account of I Haven't Finished That Movie. the drift thing sounds cool, i am generally willing to trust that it can be / is an interesting analogue for soulbonds. people should tell me if this is true / false.

also thinking about the way friends at the table tends to talk about mechs. Mechs Are About Bodies. what bodies do we think are beautiful / terrifying / grotesque. what do we think of as a human body. how do we talk about bodies and machines and where are the [blurred lines / overlaps / divergences]. this can be interesting when considered next to double life on account of [minecraft bodies are weird]? the only way to really interact with them is. distantly or violently. you can throw someone a thing but you can't put that thing in their hand directly. you can punch someone but you can't hold them. you can stand in front of someone but that doesn't necessarily stop them from moving past / through you. i don't have more of a thing here but this could be Interesting To Play With.

thinking about neon genesis evangelion's thing where their mechs are explicitly an attempt to copy a technology / being that they didn't quite understand that was capable of destroying the world. connected to this, thinking about minecraft as a game whose history clearly contains Something Happening. the ruins and the ancient cities and so much of it overgrown and wrecked. i like the idea of their mechs being something they copied the shape of but not the purpose. like, these things used to be used for games and now they are for war?

("sparrow are you implying the existence of mech sports" yeah have you ever seen friends at the table's bonus episode where they play Sports Are Just Numerology and invent mech sports. it's good and important and There's Precedent. you're lucky i didn't try to bring Mech Fishing into this.)

related to the point about games, opening sentence that struck me and never went anywhere: "It works just like the old games: three strikes and you're out." (about martyn trying to save grian, trying to save ren, trying to save cleo, and then failing or being rejected at each turn and giving up and killing scott. the realization that grian didn't want / need to be saved from scar in 3rd life. the dying right after ren did trying to kill desert duo in that season's finale, and also i hear whispers about helping ren out with a fire in his base in last life? thinking cleo needs to be convinced / saved from scott in double life and being told no, cleo suggested this and wanted it. hell, even as its own thing separate from mechs, this is not completely nothing.)

considering a scene where cleo, fed up with whatever nonsense martyn's doing, asks what he's even trying to accomplish, and martyn answers, "I'm going to get us out of here." which. implies some things. i haven't bothered fleshing out those things.

mech names. shoutout to Thunderbirds_and_Lightning for Slingshot Eden and Flower Delta. shoutout to friends at the table for Belgard and Stray Dog and a million other incredible names that i'm forgetting. wouldn't it be fun to have names that refer to each part of the pair. Mawseed:Brachiate. Calotrope:Diffusion. wouldn't it be fun to put them next to each other ostensibly joined but still visibly separated by something. consider the ways this can be like soulmates.

okay 100% this one is a porn premise but thinking about that post that's like "mech pilots aren't horny because of the joy of meeting your equal in battle or whatever, they're horny because the mechs have direct connections to their nervous systems and inextricably link violence / destruction to being pumped full of dopamine / oxytocin" and martyn getting fucked up while still connected to the mech and later showing up on cleo's doorstep talking about how his brain's gotten scrambled and asking them to hurt him because it's the only thing that feels good anymore and they're the only one who gets it. (alternatively, asking to have someone to hurt. alternatively alternatively, neither of them quite actually wants to be the one getting hurt but also they are the only ones who understand each other about this so they suck it up and deal and remind themselves they'll get their turn later.)

actually. direct nervous system connection to the mech is Also something that would be fun and interesting to play with just in full generality. i don't have more here but like. You Can Make This Upsetting (tone: having fun :] ). (Mechs Are About Bodies: what bodies count as bodies? what's a fair punching bag and what needs careful maintenance and how might a war adjust those priorities? -- thinking also about that one ttrpg that has a move specifically called Meat Is Cheap; Save The Metal.)

also thinking about that post about. mech pilots should be more visibly changed by their connections to their mechs? like. can't keep down food that isn't This One Specific Nutrient Paste. visibly haggard and also drippy from spending so much time in the cockpit filled with the fluid that lets them interface with the mech. clearly moving in ways and with the force necessitated by a giant body of metal, even when not in that giant metal body. cleo and martyn using each other as mirrors, tracking the other's deterioration (comparing it against their own?) and feeling some type of way about it? could do miserable (delightful) sickfic about this.

related to above: (1) cleo and martyn as mirrors of each other ("we're both survivors"). (2) that thing about not having mirrors causing you to kind of forgetting you're a person (and this also, is about mechs, because when you make a world with mechs it is probably good to ask: 'are mechs people?' AND 'are the people put inside mechs considered people?' thank you austin walker for your list of mech questions.).

#sparrowsong #let's be clear: i'm not going to write any of this.#if someone else sees something here and wants to write it. please. take this idea / these ideas from me.#although. honestly i am satisfied with this post being the end of it. here you go.#at least the thoughts have been recorded for others' perusal.#looking at this and going 'wow i really only one (1) influence huh'

2 notes · View notes

omfgdinosaur · 2 years

Photo

Blackbeard in episode 8 really bothered me because his general demeanor just doesn’t line up with the rest of what we see in the show. I get that he was reverting to the juvenile version of himself that he was when he was with Calico Jack but there was something else that was nagging at me...and I think I finally figured it out. Bear with me while I psychoanalyze Blackbeard to understand the dynamic between him and Calico Jack....

So, Blackbeard is really sensitive to rejection and afraid of being mocked. He definitely lashes out in extreme ways when he is made fun of. Think of him screaming at the captain that called him a donkey....and the way he reacted to the passive aggression. He also very, very desperately wants to be liked. Think of him interacting with the crew on his first day of the revenge. He really basks in their admiration and is definitely showing off. He waits till the last second to tell them that he has a plan because he wants everyone in a full panic before he swoops in to save them. He needs the moment to have maximum drama to get maximum attention.

Also consider what we see of him as his flashbacks of him as a kid....he seems like a quiet, sensitive lad. Now imagine that kid at 15-18, as a young pirate on his first crew. He just very desperately wants to be liked and doesn’t want people to see any of his sensitivity. I posit that when him and Jack first met, Blackbeard thought he was literally the fucking coolest and went into full “people pleasing chameleon” mode to avoid any risk of rejection. I think what was nagging at me as being “off” about the Blackbeard/Calico Jack dynamic was that Calico Jack is the dominant personality in that relationship. Blackbeard is giving off a “Wow I can’t believe such a cool guy likes me” quasi sycophantic vibe. Blackbeard takes all his cues from him and really just wants to please him. Whatever activity Jack wants to do he does it, which makes sense if that is the pattern that he established with this guy back when they were teenagers.

The screencap is the scene when Calico Jack was leaving the ship. Blackbeard is very much avoiding eye contact and seems very unsure of how to navigate this conflict beacause he can’t say a word against Jack. He has never said no to this man in his life. He really, really doesn’t want to leave but he knows he will if Jack asks him.

He starts to finally push back a little bit the next day on the beach when he tells Jack “its a bit early for that don’t you think”...but then he gets a sharp response...and just starts drinking anyways just to go along with him. He pushes back more by not letting Jack murder Lucius for his dinghy...but he’s still willing to just be dragged along by Jack to wherever. He finally stops making himself conform to the version of himself that Jack likes when he realizes that if he doesn’t, Stede will die.

I need to end this rant because I know it’s already quite lengthy but I think the reason Ed loves Stede is because he is a chronic people pleasing chameleon, but making Stede happy actually aligns with his genuine interests and feelings. It doesn’t feel draining and wrong to be pleasing to Stede. For once, it feels like he’s wearing his own colors.

#our flag means death #blackbeard #calico jack #ofmd

146 notes · View notes

ohnominamino · 3 years

Text

An Essay on Love in Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a movie about love in all its forms. From the love of family, friends, and neighbors, to the compassion we feel for people we have never met. The movie reminds us that love is something we continuously gain, lose, and choose, again and again. Which love is greatest? In my opinion, the answer to that question is left up to interpretation. In this essay, I will give my own personal interpretation on certain character interactions and what I believe we are meant to take away from their Rebuild portrayals.

The character I will start with is one I’ve noticed the most outrage over from people who haven’t seen the movie and read out-of-context spoilers: Kaworu Nagisa.

Kaworu is a beloved character among many Evangelion fans, especially those who are members of the LGBT+ community. He is a canonical love interest of Shinji Ikari and I want to reassure people that this final movie does not change that fact. However, it does not make the couple blatantly endgame either. This skirting around the couple might make some fans upset, and while their feelings are completely valid, I do not think they fully understand the difficulties faced by LGBT+ people in Japan, nor do they understand the way that romance is typically conveyed in Japanese storytelling. (I recommend watching “Is ‘Yuri On Ice’ Good Gay Representation?” by James Somerton for more about storytelling nuances.)

What have we been shown about Shinji and Kaworu’s love? The good news is, anything you read into the original TV series and End of Evangelion is completely true for the Rebuilds— because Kaworu is the same Kaworu. This movie proves Evangelion is a single universe set on repeat, and that Kaworu and Shinji meet each other every loop, and in each, Kaworu is trying to make Shinji happy. Within the final movie, Shinji becomes aware of the loops and chooses to break the cycle and free Kaworu from his pain.

What does the relationship between Shinji and Kaworu teach us? I believe the purpose of their love is to show the audience that first, in the words of Kaji, “love has no gender.” Second, I believe Kaworu’s love in particular is a warning about basing your own happiness solely upon another person. There are parallels drawn between Gendo/Yui and Kaworu/Shinji. Gendo could not exist without Yui, and so he was willing to destroy the world to be reunited with her. For Kaworu, it was not the destruction of humanity, but the destruction of himself that defined his tragedy. What’s important within the final movie, in my opinion, is that Shinji does not reject Kaworu’s love. With the insight he’s gained from remembering past loops, he sees Kaworu’s love and appreciates him, but he also sees his suffering and wants to ease it. He helps Kaworu into a new world where he can seek his own happiness and find balance in his life (something his father did not have).

While Kaworu and Shinji are not seen as an explicit couple at the end of the movie, it’s significant to note that, when he sets Kaworu free, Shinji holds out his hand to Kaworu as a promise to stay together. Over the course of the movie, Shinji comes to accept his connection to others through accepting touch (in the form of hand holding and hugs from Rei, Misato, and Gendo); however, Kaworu is the only character in the movie who Shinji initiates physical contact with and that speaks to how much Kaworu means to him. This simple gesture, in my opinion, keeps the door open for Kaworu and Shinji to be a couple one day, after Kaworu has found more balance in his life.

If I were to write an entire essay about Kaworu, it would be titled, “Out of the Coffin: How the Resurrection of Kaworu Nagisa Buries the Tragic Lovers Trope” because this movie truly does just that.

Another potential love interest for Shinji for many years was Asuka; however, unlike with Kaworu, the nature of this relationship is not left up to interpretation by the end of the movie. Before her big final battle, Asuka tells Shinji, “I think I loved you back then” (regarding their time in middle school) and Shinji, during Instrumentality, tells Asuka, “Thank you for saying you loved me. I loved you too.” It is past tense.

What does this relationship teach us? It’s a beautiful way of showing that we can love people, and grow and learn, and let go when we no longer fit each other. Letting go is an integral part of life. Whereas other Instrumentality scenes involve touch, Asuka’s, mirroring the ending of End of Evangelion, has a distinct lack of touch. Shinji sits with his arms around his knees and Asuka turns her body away from him. He gives her his thanks and he sends her off to find her peace. Asuka and Shinji teach us that it’s okay to grow out of relationships. You can appreciate what they were to you at the time they happened and move on.

What about Rei? To be honest with you, this movie is less about Rei’s relationship with Shinji, and more about her relationship with the world. Rei teaches movie viewers about the simple pleasures of living. While Shinji is in mourning for the first quarter of the movie, Rei (as “Sokkuri”) is learning about crop growing and community, the wonder of babies and kittens, the joy of the bath after a long day of fruitful work, and the power of words and picture books. At the end of her life, she only regrets not having more time to spend with the people she loves. In Instrumentality, Shinji accepts her hand when it is offered to him, which I hope signifies he is ready to see life as she had come to during the final movie.

Rei teaches us that we can love living and to not take our limited time for granted.

Next, we move on to parent figures: Gendo and Misato. I think they both represent people ill suited to the role, who do the best they can despite it. Gendo, as mentioned for Kaworu above, is a warning about defining yourself by your relationship to another person (Ikari, afterall, is Yui’s name). He is also a lesson in how people mourn and how they can lash out. Misato, like Gendo, felt herself a poor parent, and while mourning the loss of Kaji, she gave up her child to be raised by other people, but, unlike Gendo, went forward to put all her energy into protecting humanity. Both of them reach out to hug Shinji within the movie and he accepts them where they are.

While I wouldn’t say the movie shows that Shinji forgives Gendo, it does show his making an effort to understand and make peace with what others have done. For Misato, it is fair to say we can still hope for a better future, even when it feels like everything is crumbling around us. Her self-sacrificing love for her son and the whole of humanity is what enables Shinji to then save the people he loves (via the spear of Gaius).

In the movie, we are also shown friendship. Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke are important members of their community who maintain open communication with those around them and respect others’ boundaries. They are patient and kind and represent the importance of being present. They teach us to meet people where they are and support them how we can, whether it’s giving them a warm meal or giving them space when they need it.

There are many more characters that could be talked about, but today I am going to end on Mari. Mari’s love is physical. She enjoys being in people’s personal bubbles. She cuddles Asuka and helps trim her hair, she gets into Gendo’s space at college, and at the end of the movie, she reaches out her hand to Shinji to help him stand up from his seat. Upon first glance, some viewers might take Mari and Shinji’s final scene to be romantic, but the reality of it is this: We do not, and cannot, know what kind of love she is meant to represent in his life.

We do not know Mari’s relationship with Shinji because they hardly interact in the movie. She clearly cares about him, but in my opinion, it comes from a place of duty and compassion— Mari was friends with Gendo and Yui. She has been there since he was born. (If we take the manga to be canon, then Mari even had romantic feelings towards his mother. Her hairstyle and glasses are from Yui. At the end of the movie, Mari has changed her hairstyle, which to me implies she has moved on, and “getting” with Shinji would be a thematic break.)

Additionally, their conversation, while flirty, is very much one that implies they haven’t seen each other for a while. Mari is someone who is very physically affectionate. With everyone. If someone ignores that and focuses on the fact she gets into Shinji’s space and claims that’s romantic, they better acknowledge it’s possibly romantic with Asuka, who we see far more intimacy with. When Mari flirts, Shinji flirts back and her initial reaction is surprise, “Wow, you’ve learned to talk back!” Her purpose is clear. She is there to remove the DSS choker from his neck.

Personally, I love that Mari is the one to close the movie, for the exact reason that we do not know her relationship with Shinji. For Mari to have an assigned role would be to say, “This kind of love is most important,” when the entire movie was spent showing us each love is of equal importance in the balance and building of our lives. (It’s wonderful to see those types of love embodied across the platform from Shinji at the end of the movie: Rei and Kaworu, who, just like in End of Evangelion, could signify the ability to connect with others and be loved.)

If you view Mari as a romantic love interest, then I think it speaks to the value that you as an individual give to romance rather than what the characters themselves are feeling. To me, Mari, the character who was created to “destroy Eva,” is a symbol of all love. When Shinji takes her offered hand and then pulls her to run into the new world, it’s a symbol of balance. The give and take of any kind of relationship.

We are the product of every relationship we have ever had, from our parents to the people we once loved, from our friendships to any other person we want to stay connected to. Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a story about these relationships. It is a story about love.

#rebuild of evangelion #kaworu nagisa #shinji ikari #asuka shikinami #mari makinami #rei ayanami #misato katsuragi #gendo ikari #thrice upon a time #kawoshin #essay #movie review #shinkawo

468 notes · View notes

witcher-and-his-bard-archive · 3 years

Text

The Way I Am

Pairing: Geralt x Jaskier Warning(s): virgin!geralt, loss of virginity, erectile dysfunction Rating: explicit

Summary: Geralt doesn't think anyone could ever want him because he can't perform sexually, Jaskier makes a point of proving him wrong.

Geralt has never been wholly comfortable with his body. It was essentially created to kill monsters and survive and for no other purpose and it does its job, but Geralt doesn't like it. And not only because now that he's older it's covered in scars and his left knee has never been the same since the injury, but his body doesn't function normally. He's not supposed to be human, not any longer, but he hates that his heartbeat is so slow, hates that he can't turn off the hypersensitivity when he's in a crowd.

But the second round of trials brought with them an additional problem that he doesn't share with the others. When he was younger, it was his hair that bothered him the most, that set him apart even from the other Witchers who shared the rest of his maladies, but as he grew his hair became the least of his problems.

Geralt was fourteen when he realized his cock didn't work the same as everyone else's. Which is to say, it didn't work at all.

It wasn't unusual for the boys to mess around with one another; they were all learning and developing and with the heightened senses it could be a lot. But Geralt never had before and the very first time it went… badly. The other boy had been confused as to why he couldn't get hard and when Geralt had continued to struggle, the other boy eventually tired of waiting and went off to find someone else.

It hadn't meant much at the time, but Geralt had continued to dwell on it, thinking about the look on the other boy's face, how wrong it had made him feel. He hadn't tried again after that, afraid to face the same confusion and rejection a second time, afraid to even share his secret with those closest to him. Eskel, he's sure, wouldn't care that he was broken, but Geralt wasn't willing to take that chance.

So when they set out on the Path, Geralt makes a point to avoid sex in any context, bottling up the need when it arises and focusing on his job above anything else. He knows no one will want him because he has nothing to offer them in bed and that's just something he has to live with. But he still feels the need, still desires a soft touch, but even that seems beyond his reach because he's a Witcher and people have little love for Witchers.

Then, he meets Jaskier who is both a blessing and a curse. Because Jaskier is soft and sweet and beautiful and treats Geralt like he's no different than anyone else, but Jaskier is also stunningly beautiful and Geralt longs to get his hands on him. But he knows how that would end, so he keeps him at arm's length, and still, Jaskier just continues traipsing around after him. He takes his leave on occasion, but never longer than a few weeks at a time before he's bounding back into Geralt's life with some new wonderful thing to tell him about.

And Geralt, regrettably, falls hard.

He can't tell Jaskier how he feels because he knows the second they fell into bed together, the whole thing would fall apart. Because no one wants someone who can't perform and at this point, Geralt is so inexperienced, he'd be embarrassed to even consider sleeping with someone, even someone as caring as Jaskier.

So he keeps his feelings to himself for years, suffering through Jaskier's failed relationships and many more dalliances in between. And he tells himself he's okay with it because he could never be what Jaskier wants anyway. Then one night, they're in the city for a festival. Jaskier is performing and between sets he's ducking back to their table, chatting away happily with Geralt and sharing drinks with him. And by the end of the night, they're both a little drunk.

So when Jaskier saunters up and climbs into his lap, Geralt doesn't stop him. Because Jaskier's hands feel good on him and he so rarely gets to indulge in even the faintest of touches. Jaskier's sitting back, smiling at him as he twists his fingers through Geralt's hair and then he gently tips forward, pressing their foreheads together.

"Geralt?" he breathes, "Can I kiss you?"

Everything in him screams no because he can't let himself have this little bit of Jaskier and then never again, but he's already come this far. So he nods, slips a hand up around the back of Jaskier's neck and pulls him close.

And Jaskier's mouth slides against his own like it was meant for it, soft and needy and he doesn't seem to care that Geralt is a little out of his depth. He guides him, showing him how to move and Geralt copies Jaskier's motions as well as he can, licking lightly into his mouth and nibbling on his lip.

Jaskier moans against him, sliding forward so their bodies are pressed together, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging and oh he likes that. But then Jaskier pushes further, sliding a hand down Geralt's chest and pressing against his crotch, and Geralt panics.

He shoves him away without thinking, sitting back in his seat, and when he looks up Jaskier looks hurt and confused. And Geralt knows he can't tell but he doesn't know what to say to him, so he pushes himself up and hurries away, making for their room.

He shuts the door and locks it behind him, stripping out of his outer layers and curling up in the bed. He knows Jaskier will be back before too long or if Geralt's lucky, he'll find someone else's bed to sleep in tonight and Geralt won't have to worry about him until the morning.

But it isn't long before Geralt hears the clink of a key in the hole and the door pushing open into the room. He doesn't look up and he doesn't move from his spot on the bed, but he listens to Jaskier. The door shuts and Jaskier crosses to the other side of the room, carefully undressing, but what Geralt isn't expecting is to hear the sound of his footsteps coming back toward him. Then the blankets are pulled back and a gust of cold air hits his back before Jaskier climbs up into bed with him.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, reaching out and tentatively brushing his fingers along Geralt's back. "I didn't mean to push, I thought it would be okay."

"It's fine," Geralt whispers.

"Obviously not, darling or you wouldn't have pulled away like that. I don't mind."

"It is," Geralt insists, "I… like when you touch me."

"Okay. What was bad about tonight, then?" Geralt just groans into his pillow, pulling it up around his face. One of Jaskier's hands comes up to settle on his arm and he leans up over him. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But you can, Geralt. You can talk to me about anything."

"It's just," he pauses, curling his fingers around the edge of the pillow in frustration. "I'm… broken." Immediately, he can feel Jaskier's despair and he doesn't know what else to say, he doesn't want to make it worse.

"You're not, love."

"I am," he snaps, frustrated by Jaskier's continued gentleness. "My fucking prick doesn't work, Jaskier."

"Oh," Jaskier says quietly and Geralt wants to scream, to throw something, but Jaskier just wraps his arms around him and holds him closer. "They have medications for that, enchantments."

"They don't work. I got desperate once and tried, even Yen- It was the trials, Jaskier, it's irreversible."

"The others-" he starts but Geralt cuts him off.

"Just me."

Jaskier nuzzles against his back and squeezes more firmly around him. There's silence for a long time, just the sound of Jaskier's breath, and Geralt focuses on the steady rise and fall, letting it soothe him.

"You know," Jaskier whispers at length, "none of that matters to me. I'm so sorry you were made to feel like you were somehow broken, Geralt, but it doesn't matter to me. I- I love you. For who you are, not for your cock, and I don't want you to think something's wrong with you because of it. You're too important to me." Geralt scoffs and Jaskier flattens his palm against his chest, sliding up over his heart.

"Don't argue with me, Witcher. "My love is mine to give."

"But I'm-"

Jaskier sighs softly, brushing his fingers against Geralt's skin. "Beautiful," he whispers, "kind, soft, loving. You're a wonderful man, Geralt, and there are already so many who refuse to see that. Don't be one of them. I'm not going to stop loving you, so you might as well accept it."

He presses his forehead against Geralt's back, kissing up his spine and Geralt shudders under the touch, biting back the insistence that he's not enough, that Jaskier will tire of him because he can't fuck him. Eventually, the soft brush of Jaskier's fingers and his lips calms him and Geralt drifts off, still wrapped up in his arms.

In the morning, he wakes to Jaskier's breath against the back of his neck. They've shifted during the night, so Jaskier is curved right around him, fitted against his body like he belongs there, and as soon as he realizes Geralt's awake, Jaskier kisses the side of his neck and slides an arm up his chest.

"Good morning," he hums.

"Mm, morning."

"How did you sleep, love?" Geralt hums but doesn't answer. He slept better than he has in a long time, but he doesn't know how to say that to Jaskier. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mm?"

"Does it still feel good when someone touches you?"

"I… don't know."

"Can I?"

"You don't have to," Geralt breathes, "I know it's not worth it for you-"

"Geralt," Jaskier interrupts gently, "I thought we went over this. I am in love with you and it's going to take a lot more than a soft prick to keep me away so unless you tell me not to, I will do everything I can to make you feel good."

Jaskier shifts behind him, and the arm wrapped around him slips lower, fingertips slipping through the patch of hair right above his waistband.

"Can I?" Jaskier asks again and Geralt can't bring himself to speak, too afraid to break whatever spell or dream he's trapped in. He nods against the pillow and Jaskier leans up, kissing his shoulder. "Tell me if it's too much, love."

Jaskier fumbles a little with the buttons on his trousers, getting them undone with one hand before slipping inside and wrapping around his cock. He squeezes a little at first, then moves on to stroking him slowly, letting Geralt feel him as he moves down the length of him. Sparks shoot up his spine and Geralt squirms, pushing into the touch and groaning softly because no one has ever touched him like this and it's overwhelming.

"I can't," he whispers and Jaskier immediately lets him go, but Geralt can feel Jaskier's cock swelling against his lower back and it only makes him feel guilty. "No one's ever touched me like that."

"Darling, I'm so sorry. Did it feel good?"

"Yeah."

"Good," Jaskier hums, "that's all I want." Jaskier smoothes his hand up Geralt's side, kissing his shoulders and humming against him. "Do you want to try again? It can be a little overwhelming, but I promise you it'll feel good."

Jaskier gets his hand around him again and Geralt groans as he strokes him, fingers slipping up around the head of his cock pulling back at the foreskin so he can touch him properly. Pressure builds as Jaskier touches him, squeezing around the base then pulling up the length of him again. And Geralt can barely breathe, he’s engulfed with pleasure as Jaskier kisses his neck and his shoulders and presses up against him.

And Jaskier is hard, digging into the small of his back and Geralt wants so badly to turn around and touch him, but he can hardly think through the fog of pleasure. His hips twitch forward, pressing himself into Jaskier's hand and Jaskier loosens his grip a little, letting Geralt fuck between his fingers.

"You're beautiful like this," Jaskier whispers, "Geralt you have no idea how lovely you are." He hums against him, pressing his nose into Geralt's hair. "Are you gonna come for me?"

"It feels-" Geralt gasps, but then Jaskier's hand is around him again, slipping to the base to stroke him quickly.

"Good?" Jaskier asks.

"Like I'm gonna split apart."

"Yeah, it will. You're so close, love, so close."

Geralt jerks in his grasp as the pleasure peaks and he's not certain how he can contain this feeling but then he's coming, spilling over Jaskier's hand and onto the sheets. And he's never felt anything like it before but it's incredible. Blood rushes in his ears and he's only barely aware of Jaskier talking to him as he whines and squirms against him.

Then it's over and he's left panting and hot, sweat gathering at the hollow of his neck and Jaskier's hand slips up his chest soothingly.

"How was that?" he breathes, pressing his lips to Geralt's shoulder.

"Felt good," Geralt mumbles, "really good."

"Yeah," Jaskier agrees, "it feels incredible. And just think of all the different ways I can make you come." His hips jerk, pressing into Geralt's back and he mutters a faint apology against his skin.

"What about you?" Geralt asks, turning in Jaskier's arms to face him. Jaskier tips forward, catching his lips in a brief kiss.

"This is for you, my darling, we can worry about me another time."

"I've never," Geralt starts but he feels awkward talking about it and ducks his head, staring instead at where Jaskier's hand reaches out to twine his fingers with his own. "I've never been with anyone and I know I can't, but…" he trails off and Jaskier presses in again, kissing his lips before tipping his head up.

"Geralt if you want me to fuck you all you have to do is ask."

"I didn't think anyone would want to."

"I do. Fuck, Geralt, the number of times I've thought about it… I've always wanted you ever since the first day. I don't care how your body reacts as long as you're enjoying yourself. So yes, Geralt, if you want me to fuck you I'd be more than happy to."

"Please?" Geralt breathes and Jaskier gets both arms around him, hauling him up against him and rolling onto his back.

Geralt settles quickly as Jaskier's hands slide down his back and over his ass, catching on the waistband of his trousers. When he tips his head up, Jaskier is looking back at him, his eyes dark with lust but somehow still soft and Geralt can't help but dip down, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. And Jaskier hums against him, sliding one hand back up to the back of his head and deepening the kiss.

He presses one thigh between Geralt's legs drawing him in and Geralt lets out a shuddering breath as his cock grinds up against Jaskier's leg.

"That's it," Jaskier hums, "I'm here for you, too, darling just wanna make you feel good." He pushes his trousers down, encouraging the roll of Geralt's hips as he gets them off of him and then, as he brings his hands back up, Geralt's attention is diverted.

His cock feels incredible where he presses it into Jaskier's thigh, but practiced fingers slip up over his ass, spreading his cheeks and dipping between and Geralt holds his breath. Realistically, he knows how men have sex, has seen his brothers do it and has come across it more than once in his travels, but he never expected it to happen to him and he can barely think.

Jaskier reaches for something on the floor, fumbling with it, and the next time he touches him, his fingers are cool and slick. He drags them across Geralt's hole and Geralt whines at the sensation that flickers through him. He drops to his elbows, burying his face in Jaskier's neck.

"Feel good?"

"Mmhm."

"Good. Want more?"

"Please."

"Mm," Jaskier hums, "how could I refuse when you ask so nicely?"

He brushes his fingers over him again, letting them catch on his rim and pressing a little firmer when they do. He circles his hole, pressing against it consistently and then pushes the tip of one finger into him and Geralt nearly cries out. Jaskier's free hand comes up to the back of his neck, stroking slowly.

"Still good?" he asks and when Geralt nods he hums pleasantly. "Good. It's gonna stretch a little, especially when I get my cock in you, but just tell me if it's too much, okay?"

Jaskier presses in a little further and Geralt inhales sharply. He remembers all the calming techniques he was taught as a child and shuts his eyes, breathing slowly. It feels good, having Jaskier's finger inside him and he likes the stretch of it, but he's already creeping close to the edge again, the pressure within him building and he doesn't want it to be over yet, he wants Jaskier to fuck him.

And it feels incredible when Jaskier adds a second finger, when he presses all the way in and rubs into him. He finds a spot deep within him that has Geralt moaning wantonly and grinding hard against Jaskier's cock. And Jaskier groans under him, not faltering as he continues thrusting into him, sending sparks of pleasure up Geralt's spine.

"Fuck," Jaskier groans, "Geralt you're so fucking sexy and you know I'd be happy to make you come on my fingers ten times over, but I'm not gonna last with you grinding against me like that. Think you're ready for my cock?"

"Yes," Geralt rasps and Jaskier is quick to pull out of him, but Geralt doesn't have the chance to miss the fullness before he's being shifted and the head of Jaskier's cock is pressing against him, pushing in.

It's much bigger than his fingers, but Geralt just keeps himself steady, face pressed into Jaskier's shoulder as he takes all of him. And once Jaskier is settled, he shifts his hips slowly, allowing Geralt to adjust to the intrusion.

And it feels amazing, the absolute fullness and the pressure against his cock as Jaskier's thrusts rock him and the fact that it's Jaskier, that he wants him despite everything. Geralt can't cope and he shuts his eyes, burying his face in Jaskier's neck and kissing him softly, frantically.

Jaskier keeps up the pace, finding an angle that hits that spot and sticking with it until Geralt can only whimper and moan with every thrust. It's all so much and before long, he's moving with him, unable to keep still any longer. He pushes back onto Jaskier's cock and ruts against his stomach, whining at the sensitivity of his cock and then without warning, he's coming.

He spills over Jaskier's stomach, dropping against him as waves of pleasure crash over him and he's barely aware of Jaskier coming too until he's pulling his head up and kissing him hard.

They rock through it together and Jaskier doesn't let him go for a second, running his hands over him and kissing him eagerly. It takes longer this time before Geralt finds his breath again, and when he does, Jaskier is right there with him, cheeks flushed and bright, and he can't help but lean in to kiss him again.

He doesn't know how long it is that they lay there, wrapped up in each other just kissing and touching, but eventually, it's Jaskier who pulls away.

"As much as I'd love to stay here for the rest of the day," he hums, lips still barely an inch from Geralt's, "I think we should have a bath and get some lunch."

Geralt would also like to stay in bed for the rest of the day, but his stomach grumbles at him and he finds himself agreeing. Jaskier runs a hand down his chest, wrapping loosely around his cock and brushing his fingers along it. Geralt's eyes flutter shut and Jaskier hums softly.

"If you're amenable," he breathes, "I'd like to rent a room at the kingfisher, one of the nice ones, and stay for a while." He slips his hand back up Geralt's chest and around the side of his neck. "I think we both deserve a break and I'd like some time to… get to know you better." His lips curl up in a cheeky smile and Geralt scoffs at him but doesn't resist when Jaskier draws him back in for a gentle kiss.

A shiver runs up his spine and Geralt thinks, maybe, that despite its flaws, his body isn't so bad after all.

#geraskier #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt #rex writes #spicy

328 notes · View notes

trueshellz · 3 years

Text

Seeing your abusive ex: Bokuto Scenario

Based on something that happened to me today and ended with me having to call my auntie to calm me down while I cried hysterically in my car. This is based in my own symptoms but is not an extensive or absolute list. This cute boi is my comfort character from Haikyuu. If anyone ever needs to talk about stuff like this, I will happily listen. You are loved. You are amazing!

Warning: possible abuse triggers, some angst, anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD type symptoms, harassment, past abuse hinted.

You were sure the car behind you was one you had seen before, as it popped up four times on your walk home you started feeling anxious. The first time has been when you left work, it was parked across the road with lights turned off as you left the building. The second and third time were when you went and left the supermarket to get dinner ingredients that you had forgotten yesterday. This time however, you were sure it was following you as you walked home. And if you were right it belonged to your abusive ex-boyfriend, one that you hadn’t seen in over two years since you threw him out after you gathered the strength to do so.

You knew not to walk too fast or too slow, you were holding a deodorant can in your pocket and had your safety alarm in your other hand with your keys. Your main issue was getting home safe. If you went home, he would follow you and know where you live. If you went to a friend’s house, she could be in danger and you didn’t want anyone to experience what you had. At the same time, it was getting a little dark and being out after sunset was just as bad. You could feel the memories of the abuse flash through your mind like a film reel, the familiar feeling of terror as you re-lived what happened. Your breath was catching in your throat as you walked, not from exertion but from sheer panic. You tried the breathing techniques your therapist had given you, tried thinking about you lovely boyfriend and the happy memories you had made together, but nothing stopped the darkness clouding your brain.

On impulse, you dialled Koutaro’s number, knowing he was at practice there was a small chance he would pick up and if he didn’t, your best friend was next. Glancing behind you again, you stayed on busy main roads as you walked, willed and prayed to God that he picked up his phone. Weaving through people hoping that he would lose sight of you and give up, at least long enough for you to get home safely.

“Hey gorgeous, I was just going to message you. I-“

“Kou... Kou... I...l...”

Your voice broke off in sobs as you spoke, the world around you seeming too small and the noises too loud as you walked. You had a small idea where you were, relying on muscle memory walking around the city but right now, all you cared about was the car that kept coming in and out your vision.

“Baby, whats’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I...”

Bokuto could hear your voice catch as you spoke, the sound hitting him right in the chest and making his heart hurt, he hated being on the other side of the city as he practiced for his upcoming match. It wasn’t often that he heard you like this, the nightmares had decreased and apart from the one time you opened up about a past relationship, you had never been this fearful.

“Baby, listen. It’s me, its Kou. Focus on my voice ok? Forget everything else. I love you. Tell me where you are.”

“I don’t know, Kou.” A pause as he heard you take a deep breath. “I’m scared.”

“I know, baby. Tell me what you see ok? You know this city way better than I do. Remember when I got lost on the way to your house? How late was I to our first date? I’m so lucky you agreed to a second one. You know this city like the back of your hand.”

You focused on the sound of his voice, the usual soothing melody as he spoke to you. The same voice that lulled you to sleep when you had a bad dream and screamed with happiness when you played games together. The one that groaned in your ear when he was too tired to moved or whispered how good it felt being inside you. Your bubbly, cute baby owl boyfriend. Remembering the instance he spoke about, he had gotten so lost that he was an hour late for your first date. You, thinking you had been stood up, had changed out your outfit and into a onesie. By the time he arrived, he had sweat through his shirt and looked like he’d walked about 50 miles. Being hesitant about the second date, he showed up with flowers an hour early and patiently waited outside while you got ready. His logic being the he could make the time up... somehow.

Telling him what you could see and reading out the name of the roads, you could hear his team in the background. Hinata being over-excited as usual, you could imagine him jumping up and down annoying everyone while Kageyama beat him up. While the other members were mumbling other background, Atsumu’s distinct accent was clear compared to everyone else. They were always so lively when you visited, jumping to talk to you or show you new moves, always thankful for the food and snacks you bought. Even if it made your boyfriend super jealous.

“Well done, baby. You’re doing so well. I’m so proud of you. Listen, you’re near Akaashi’s house ok? Remember him? He’s a year younger than me? We played in high school together. You met at our school reunion a while back. He’s a comic designer now.”

Casting your mind back, you nodded to yourself when you remembered the calm guy with dark hair that your boyfriend got along with so well despite being complete opposing personalities. The number of times you had heard ‘Akaashi’ shouted at various points, you had taken to copying Bokuto that night, much to Akaashi’s chagrin and your boyfriend’s delight.

“He’s expecting you ok? He’s a good friend of mine baby, I trust him with my life. He’ll keep you safe until I get there.”

Giving you his address, you started walking towards his apartment, it was near a main road and looking around you couldn’t see the vehicle anywhere. The panic from earlier still humming through your veins as you walked towards your destination.

“Kou, but-“

“Baby, don’t start saying anything. I know you’re thinking that you’re disrupting practice or ruining my game. That it’s a headache coming all the way over there when you haven’t even told me what’s wrong.”

His tone was calm and collected, but his words rang straight through your brain triggering your panic even further and the tears that had dried now coming back full force.

“Kou. I’m sorry.”

“Woah, hey. Don’t ever apologise. Ok? I never wanna hear you apologise for stuff like this. I’m leaving now. Go to Akaashi’s house and I’ll be there in as soon as I can, ok?”

“Ok, Kou. Thank you.”

“Welcome, baby. Love you.”

Waiting around for your boyfriend was making you edgy, you couldn’t sit still. What if your ex had seen Bokuto? What if he’d seen you come here? But you hadn’t seen him, a car was easy to spot right? What if he was tracking you? You had changed your number though? Akaashi had popped in twice to check on you, once to bring you a blanket and hot tea and the second time to ask if you wanted food. The tea was swirling in your stomach, the crying had made you fell nauseous and you were sure that your stomach would revolt against any food. Hearing voices from the hallway, your body tensed expecting the worst.

He found you.

He was going to hurt you again.

Instead, familiar grey-black hair popped up from behind the door and while your heart was still in your throat, the sight of him made the thread of fear loosen a little. Dropping his bag, Bokuto walked over to you before kneeling in front of you and holding your face in his hands as he leaned his forehead against yours. Thumbs wiping away any remnants of tears, he kissed you nose, cheeks and forehead before pulling you into his arms. The feel of his arms around you, the scent of his aftershave and faint smell of sweat from his sports wear eased the tension in your body a little but could do nothing against the sobs that broke free again.

“Shh, it’s ok baby. I got you. I’ll always have you. You’re safe now.”

“Kou... I saw him. He... he was behind me.”

Bokuto knew instantly who you meant, he wished he could personally do something about him but between his career and your fear, the idea of beating your ex to a pulp didn’t seem plausible. While he wasn’t super close with Daichi, he knew Kuroo was and was going to reach out and do something about it. Holding you at arms length, he brushed away your tears and kissed your forehead again, linking your wrists together so your couple bracelets latched on to each other. They were something you had seen on TikTok, two bracelets with magnets that would link when they were close. You thought he would reject the idea at first, but Bokuto thought they were the best way to show everyone you were his girl. Plus it gave him a great excuse to your hold hand when you went everywhere.

“See, baby? Look how these magnets find each other and attract one another. Just like you and me. Nothing could keep me away from you. I’ll always find you. Okay?”

You nodded, glancing down at the bracelets and then up at your boyfriend. His amber eyes full of worry but love and the way he held you like you were something so precious.

“Plus, if he tries anything I’ll beat him up, have you seen these muscles baby?”

You snorted as Bokuto flexed his arm, muscles straining against the sleeve of his tee and couldn’t help but fall into his chest giggling as he squished you. The tears from earlier forgotten as you embraced the loving nature of your gorgeous boyfriend.

#bokuto kotaro #bokuto x y/n #haikyuu headcanon #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu scenarios #bokuto fluff #bokuto angst #bokuto x reader #bokuto x you #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu bokuto

343 notes · View notes

youryanderedaddy · 3 years

Note

Hello, do you accept order? If yes, you could make a single one shot of Yandere! Brat Spoiled, please...

What would it be like if Yandere were the son of wealthy parents who always have everything they want, when they don't always get what they like, always act like a spoiled brat (and also his parents are afraid of their son, as they have already seen what he is capable of when he gets angry)... that's where the reader comes in. She is a new student at school, a nice and kind person, so the yandere knows her and falls in love so strongly that she never felt that way in life, but the reader is always rejecting her advances for being a spoiled brat and the way he treats the people around you.

What happens next?

Title: Eat the poor

Tw: non - consensual touching, obsessive/possessive behavior, violence, low-key bullying, blackmail / coercion, reader is in university

Part 2

It had started during your very first year of college, back when you still felt motivated to go to school and meet new people. You had heard the rumors about him before ever meeting his gaze and oh, did they disappoint.

You met Gabrielle for the first time when the snowdrops bloomed and the birds returned home – in the early autumn, at night, in a small crowded room reeking of alcohol, sweat and cheap cologne which you quickly realized wasn’t his. The man smelt like the cigarettes he never got bored of and sweet caramel. He was wearing a big leather jacket and a pair of dark jeans, yet the simplicity of the outfit seemed to suit the expensive brands displayed on the clothing. In a way the student represented the typical youthful boyish beauty with his golden locks, eyes the color of the sky and frame tall and well – built. Yet his face remained motionless the whole night and his body stayed still despite the mass of bodies dancing around in rhythm. But then some poor unfortunate fool managed to bump into the male, spilling his drink all over him, and his pretty face quickly twisted into a mask of disgust and anger.

“You stupid piece of shit!” The male yelled shortly after as his fist connected with the stuttering boy’s stomach. His clear eyes were now two wild thunderstorms pouring rain and lightning over the tipsy guy who was nervously apologizing and promising to pay for the damages done. “Do you know how much this costs?” Gabrielle spat with venom and pushed the other onto the floor, bringing his black sneakers to that white shirt until there was a mark of dirt formed on the otherwise clean fabric. Everyone else in the room had stopped drinking now and all the eyes were pinned onto the two men yet no one had the courage to do anything. Your own heart was beating hard in your chest at the sudden display of unnecessary violence but you had always been a calm kid, a kind soul too scared of its own shadow to learn how to fight properly. So you had no idea what to do.

“My father can have you expelled, you know.” The blond man suddenly spoke out in a quiet eerie voice as he pressed his foot harder into the shorter boy’s stomach causing him to whimper and squirm. “Unless you are willing to beg for my forgiveness, that is.” The bully proposed with a sly smirk on his pink lips as he glared at the victim underneath. The student on the ground was clenching his eyes tight so no one could see the tears in them when he shook his head no. You finally decided you couldn’t let this inhumane scene go any further.

“Stop this madness right now!” You shouted manically, drawing all the attention to yourself as you made your way between the two men. Gabrielle immediately pinned his burning gaze on you in unhidden intrigue. “This is too cruel. He didn’t mean to bump into you. Please, leave him alone.” As much as you had wanted to curse at the spoiled rich boy there was this suffocating feeling in your lungs telling you to be careful and play the mediator. The others quickly started gasping and some were already gossiping at your reaction proving your point that the guy was indeed dangerous.

Then he looked you straight in the eyes with his deep blue ones. He chuckled softly before smacking his lips in an unpleasant way, his “tsk” sending shivers down your spine. You had fucked up. “Well, well, well… Looks like the new girl wants to play hero. How cliché.” The bully grinned as he let his gaze roam up and down your body, your cheeks turning red in return when having realized he was handsome even while doing something so vulgar. “But if you do want to help him so badly…” The golden – haired man paused for a moment pretending to be deep in thought. “Maybe we could have a little deal, bunny.” He moved his leg away from the sobbing boy and stepped in front of you. From this close you could feel the warmth of his skin and the sweet aroma of burnt sugar it radiated. Gabrielle tilted your chin up almost gently and whispered in your ear “Kiss me.”

You tried to break free from the uncomfortable pose but the student simply squeezed your jaw line harder, his eyes cold and calculating, following your every move. You mind went blank and foggy at the forced intimacy and you couldn’t think straight with his breath on your neck. It felt like the time had slowed down just so the sadistic snob could mess with you a little longer. You opened your mouth to voice your protests but fortunately you didn’t have to say anything because at the very same time the host of the party appeared, ready to stop the fight.

“Gabrielle, I’d have to ask you to leave.” The dark – haired junior growled enraged as he pushed the taller male away from you. You couldn’t help but smile at him in appreciation. He was the only one brave enough to help you after all. “You are ruining the party for everyone. ” The stranger continued. The blonde seemed irritated at the sudden interruptance yet it was obvious he was powerless against the owner of the house. Still he grit his teeth and signed in annoyance as he turned to face the host. “Fuck you, Jackson!” The man cursed but eventually moved towards the door, red with anger. “My father will hear about this.” He looked at you as he reached for the golden doorknob, his features softened. “See you around, bunny.”

This was the first time you met Gabrielle. You already wished it was the last.

-------------------------------------------------------

After the incident the snob seemed interested in you, blatantly so. He would eye you up in the halls like you were a shiny new toy in a claw machine and try to strike a conversation no matter how much you ignored him. The man never once apologized for what happened at the party but at least he didn’t bring it up so you counted it as a small victory. You gradually understood just how much power and money the heir had. His father owned casinos, hotels, banks and apparently even the university you two were studying in received major monthly donations by the big businessman. This explained why everyone was so scared of the blonde, especially when he did nothing but flaunt his status at the slightest inconvenience. And now he wanted you.

In your eyes the boy was just an annoying brat who lived off daddy’s hard work, there really wasn’t much to him that intrigued you. The male was handsome, pretty even, but his grades were terrible and his interests were bland and shallow, mostly involving expensive brands and grand parties. But the worst thing about him was his personality. The snob treated his friends like servants and his enemies like dirt, but you he rather saw as a challenge. Gabrielle would ask you out every time you were unlucky enough to run into him. The first time the man gave you so many roses you couldn’t even count them, the second he demanded your affection with a silver necklace in hand ready to cover your neck in his mark of ownerships. You couldn’t recall all the other gifts the blonde used to try and court you with but you remembered refusing each and every one.

“Why can’t you just give me a chance?” He exclaimed one day after you had just returned the expensive bracelet you had found in your locker. It was a dark winter night and the heir seemed irritated with you for the first time, his eyes a deep electric blue just like the sky. The man had you cornered against the wall but you were used to his pathetic attempts at intimidation. Yet today there was something different in the air around him, some small voice at the back of your head wondered whether this time he wasn’t just joking around. “Are you still angry about that little wimp I expelled, bunny?” Gabrielle asked contemptuously yet his pupils remained cold and distant. Once again he was too close for your liking, too close for you to function properly, but that was probably exactly what he wanted. You to be compliant and obedient like all the others who crawled and kneeled at the very sight of him. “Or are you sulking because I beat up Jones after he asked you out, hmm?” What? The blonde man was the one who gave Tony the black eye? But he had told you it was just a street fight… Why had your friend covered for the bully you both hated?

“Why would you do that to him?” You whispered, staring at the twisted boy in front of you. Your heart was beating fast and your blood was boiling hot in your veins but you couldn’t let him win by showing him how much his actions affected you. Gabrielle reached out and cupped your cheek gently before smirking mischievously. “He was trying to take something that belonged to me.” The heir said casually as if he was talking about the weather. His fingers were cold against your warm skin and you fought the urge to vomit right then and there. “I am not yours.” You spat out with poison and pushed his hand away from your face. Next thing you know his knee was separating your thighs, lifting your short black skirt up, his breath lingering on your neck. “S-stop.” You stuttered and tried to squirm out of his hold but the man easily caught your wrists and brought them above your head, pinning you further into the wall. He was stronger than he looked and you felt so small and helpless in that moment you could have cried if your stubbornness hadn’t prevailed.

“What don’t you like about me?” The blonde suddenly spoke out, his voice unnaturally broken and needy, bordering on a whine, crying out in desperation. You weren’t sure whether he was trying to manipulate you now or if he actually wanted you to answer so you decided to be honest anyways. “I hate the way you treat other people. I could never love someone as cruel as you.” You inhaled deeply, ready to voice all the painful thoughts you had kept inside since the beginning of the semester. “You are spoilt rotten. Metaphorically and literally.” The man was breathing sharply like a wounded animal after hearing your words and as much as you wanted to sympathize with him, you couldn’t bring yourself to after everything he had done to you and your friends. He was irredeemable. “Let me go.” You finally demanded, hoping to use him weakened emotional state to your advantage.

Instead Gabrielle clenched his teeth and squeezed down harder on your already bruised wrists causing you to whimper in dull pain. His eyes were wet but the tears had finally stopped just like his willingness to show you his vulnerable side. The man had tried being nice and sweet to you, patient, then mean and patronizing, and neither worked. So obviously it was time to become the terrifying bratty monster everyone was so keen on believed he was.

“Have you noticed how many people seem to go missing after talking to you just once?” The heir whispered in your ear as his free hand traveled down to your waist, drawing you into his hard chest. You groaned at the sudden realization that the snob was actually right, less and less guys seemed to show up to your shared lectures in the last few months, but you had always assumed they just needed a break from school. University was stressful after all. “Did you…” You started off but couldn’t find the right words. Did you force your father to expel them? Did you harm them? Maybe a part of you didn’t want to know the answer. “I did.” Gabrielle responded before you could even finish the sentence. The sly smirk you knew way too well adorned his lips and it wasn’t hard to see he had already won. “And I will keep doing it until you agree to be mine and mine alone.” The man stated confidently as he sucked the sensitive skin of your neck until you arched your back in shock, your eyes rolling up to the ceiling. “N-nhgg.” You whimpered as you felt his teeth dig into your warm flesh leaving a scarlet mark for all to see. “Come on, baby, we both know you are too good to let them suffer because of your own selfishness.” He taunted you as he left a line of small wet kisses along your exposed collarbone. You wanted to argue, to yell at him how you weren’t the crazy, selfish one, but deep down you knew it was pointless. Gabrielle had power and you had nothing to bargain with. He could have anyone yet he wanted to torment you. “Give into me. I promise I can make you happy if you let me.” The blonde uttered softly as his lips brushed against yours, almost touching them, following your reaction with his clear eyes. Your own were puffy and red from the tears but he didn’t seem to care much about your misery and discomfort. The man wished to own, not to please, but you couldn’t do anything. And of course you wouldn’t let him ruin the lives of the innocent. Of course your stupid heart was too good and human for your own good. So you closed your eyes and slowly connected your lips with him even though they tasted almost metallic, like blood and defeat.

“I knew you would come around, bunny.”

#yandere #male yandere x reader #yandere male x reader #yandere oc x reader #yandere male #yancore #yandere oneshot #yandere oc #male yandere #yandere concepts

374 notes · View notes

chipsncookies · 2 years

Text

Rambling about vortex and ryuu, dgs2 MAJOR SPOILERS, endgame spoilers. Im old fan so im still using japanese names (ryuun, vortex, etc also its v late when im writing this so theres bound to be mistkaes/details i forgot bc hot dang these games are so long) and this post is also long

One of the things in dgs that always haunts me is how vortex's downfall could've been avoided if he simply didn't let ryuu practice law in London. Yes even though Herlock plays a part in preventing his schemes, ryuun is the one who did the heavy lifting in vortex's chosen battlefield-the court, hes the one who helps unravel and presents all the schemes and manipulation he created. If ryuu wasn't there, assuming everything else went the same - asougi went to london and all that, barok would've been found guilty and the entire reaper case would've been shut and vortex would've become the most successful aa villain ever (the only villain that isn't directly involved in any of the murders mind you, bc he had other people doing his bidding thus eliminating all evidence. Like Matt Engarde but more craftier)

But instead, he let Ryuu stay. In fact, he actually asked him to stay when Ryuu already decided to leave. During their first meeting, vortex absolutely didn't take ryuu seriously, he suggests ryuu to take megundal/mcgilded's case because he 'dont hate entertainment', but after ryuu rejects it when he found out the victim would be hanged, vortex asked him to stay, appealing with the fact that the victim has no defense attorney who's willing to help him.

I ask myself all the time, why?

Keep in mind that at this point, two of his plans have failed -jezail has been arrested, asougi is dead, at this point he shouldve avoided doing anything that would further harm his plans, he shouldve let Ryuu return to japan after he declined his offer, yet he decided to let an unknown element (ryuu) in.

He certainly didn't take ryuu seriously in the beginning, so it would've been in his best interest if ryuu left, but Ryuu's speech made him change his mind. Why would a mastermind that has been scheming for years do this?

In this game, time and time again, vortex showed a lot of suspicious behaviour, controlling everything (and his design didnt help) until we finally find out that he is indeed evil. But also time and time again we see him talking about upholding justice, making london safe from criminals, etc. He even had a whole essay about how he'd go about making his plans to make london great again come true, in which ryuu hilariously passes out. This nerd behaviour seems anachronistic with his evil actions, but it makes sense when you think about it. He truly believes in justice for the people, but it seems that years of being obsessed with creating a perfect society that won't let any criminals go scot-free has corrupted him so much.

Back to the question of why did he ask Ryuu to stay? Before this scene, ryuu has been in defendant's role TWICE, he has a lot of sympathy for people that have been accused and thought he's not qualified and he doesn't find himself fit for such task as it would feel like toying with people's life, especially with londons severe death penalty. I had thought vortex wanted to teach ryuu a lesson bc of his naivety, but the way the scene plays out really looks like he's taken by ryuu's honesty and humility - Ryuu already formally excused himself and the screen faded to black iirc, but vortex reached out to him.

Now this is nowhere confirmed explicitly, but I strongly feel that Ryuun has touched his core that still cares for justice - the one that's still pure, beneath all his obsession and manipulation instincts, enough for him to abandon caution or reason, which is fantastic bc 1) it speaks VOLUMES about Ryuu's character, that his honesty, humility and empathy for the accused managed to change the mind of this seemingly cold and strict person at the top of London's justice system. He got accepted WHILE DECLINING Vortex's offer. (Also keep in mind that ryuu is illegally smuggled and shouldn't be here at all. And this is before we knew vortex was evil, as well as the scope of his crimes-replaying this scene makes you realise how much gravitas this scene has), and

Having said all these however, i also feel it's worth noting that this is also one of the game's flaws, namely why did vortex keep ryuu around even when he almost ruined his plan (revealing the secret morse code). He should've sent ryuu back to japan right then, who knows what else he could've uncover, but no, he kept ryuu around, only 'punishing' him by banning him from court for a while. The moment ryuu came back, he unraveled the super duper secret crime (enoch's case which leads to the uncovering of professors identity). He's even allowed to participate in the final secret trial (perhaps more for mere formality, but ignoring ryuus track record of uncovering the truth successfully is a massive oversight on Vortex's part).

2) it speaks VOLUMES about Vortex's character, that this person who's super duper strict (and also a crafty mastermind who kept his plans tight wrapped and having manipulated plenty of people) still has a heart? Which is also proven when ryuu's defendants who've been declared innocent (except megundal/mcgilded) didn't fall victim to the Reaper's curse - vortex kept his word that he only punishes the guilty. This scene also poetically sealed his fate - they both pursue justice, but unlike vortex, ryuu didnt use dirty tactics, instead he continued to fight even when the odds are against him for people he cared about- as well as all the people vortex has harmed directly and indirectly - which results in the downfall of vortex which seemed so impossible in the very end. Ryuu's justice won over Vortex's justice.

Idk if it is because the cases would become too long, but we should've got some justification for why vortex still keeps ryuu around. I mean hes the one with authority, sending ryuu back to japan without any explanation should be no problem and ryuu or anyone can't protest that decision (or kill ryuu, but having two exchange students dead overseas would be too sus).

I've discussed this with other ppl and I've came up with an au in which, what if vortex keeps ryuu in london because he wants to manipulate him. He wants to show him how flawed the justice system is and considering how unfairly ryuu was treated in dgs1-1 and dgs1-2, megundals case COULDVE been the nail in the coffin that convinces ryuu. A classic 'work with me and we can change the world :D' kinda deal, get ryuu to be on his side, which imo would be far more interesting and gives vortex more screentime depending on if you want to give this good ending, maybe herlock manage to steer him to the right direction and bring down vortex, or bad ending where he joins vortex fully and become part of the Reaper's curse or something. The possibilities are endless

I actually just wanted to post this fanart but i ended up explaining everything in dgs in order to explain whats happening in this picture so yeah. Have a good day

#ace attorney #dgs2 spoilers #dgs2 major spoilers #dgs2 #hart vortex #mael stronghart #chips's work #ryunosuke naruhodo #ryuunosuke naruhodou

40 notes · View notes

testudoaubrei-blog · 3 years

Text

Content note for discussions of eternal damnation, and all sorts of other shit that will trigger a lot of folks with religious trauma.

Before I get started I might as well explain where I’m coming from - unlike a lot of She-Ra fans, and a lot of queer people, I don’t have much religious trauma, or any, maybe (okay there were a number of years I was convinced I was going to hell, but that happens to everyone, right?). I was raised a liberal Christian by liberal Christian parents in the Episcopal Church, where most of my memories are overwhelmingly positive. Fuck, growing up in the 90’s, Chuch was probably the only place outside my home I didn’t have homophobia spewed at me. Because it was the 90’s and it was a fucking hellscape of bigotry where 5 year olds knew enough to taunt each other with homophobic slurs and the adults didn’t know enough to realize how fucked up that was. Anyway. This is my experience, but it is an atypical one, and I know it. Quite frankly I know that my experience of Christianity has very little at all to do with what most people experienced, or what people generally mean when they talk about Christianity as a cultural force in America today. So if you were raised Christian and you don’t recognize your theology here, congrats, neither do I, but these ideas and cultural forces are huge and powerful and dominant. And it’s this dominant Christian narrative that I’m referring to in this post. As well as, you know, a children’s cartoon about lesbian rainbow princesses. So here it goes. This is going to get batshit.

"All events whatsoever are governed by the secret counsel of God." - John Calvin

“We’re all just a bunch of wooly guys” - Noelle Stevenson

This is a post triggered by a single scene, and a single line. It’s one of the most fucked-up scenes in She-Ra, toward the end of Save the Cat. Catra, turned into a puppet by Prime, struggles with her chip, desperately trying to gain control of herself, so lost and scared and vulnerable that she flings aside her own death wish and her pride and tearfully begs Adora to rescue her. Adora reaches out , about to grab her, and then Prime takes control back, pronounces ‘disappointing’ and activates the kill switch that pitches Catra off the platform and to her death (and seriously, she dies here, guys - also Adora breaks both her legs in the fall). But before he does, he dismisses Catra with one of his most chilling lines. “Some creatures are meant only for destruction.”

And that’s when everyone watching probably had their heart broken a little bit, but some of the viewers raised in or around Christianity watching the same scene probably whispered ‘holy shit’ to themselves. Because Prime’s line - which works as a chilling and callous dismissal of Catra - is also an allusion to a passage from the Bible. In fact, it’s from one of the most fucked up passages in a book with more than its share of fucked up passages. It’s from Romans 9:22, and I’m going to quote several previous verses to give the context of the passage (if not the entire Epistle, which is more about who needs to abide by Jewish dietary restrictions but was used to construct a systematic theology in the centuries afterwards because people decided it was Eternal Truth).

19 Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will?

20 Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?

21 Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?

22 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:

The context of the allusion supports the context in the show. Prime is dismissing Catra - serial betrayer, liar, failed conqueror, former bloody-handed warlord - as worthless, as having always been worthless and fit only to be destroyed. He is speaking from a divine and authoritative perspective (because he really does think he’s God, more of this in my TL/DR Horde Prime thing). Prime is echoing not only his own haughty dismissal of Catra, and Shadow Weaver’s view of her, but also perhaps the viewer’s harshest assessment of her, and her own worst fears about herself. Catra was bad from the start, doomed to destroy and to be destroyed. A malformed pot, cracked in firing, destined to be shattered against a wall and have her shards classified by some future archaeologist 2,000 years later. And all that’s bad enough.

But the full historical and theological context of this passage shows the real depth of Noelle Stevenson’s passion and thought and care when writing this show. Noelle was raised in Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christianity. To my knowledge, he has never specified what sect or denomination, but in interviews and her memoir Noelle has shown a particular concern for questions that this passage raises, and a particular loathing for the strains of Protestant theology that take this passage and run with it - that is to say, Calvinism. So while I’m not sure if Noelle was raised as a conservative, Calvinist Presbyterian, his preoccupation with these questions mean that it’s time to talk about Calvinism.

It would be unfair, perhaps, to say that Calvinism is a systematic theology built entirely upon the Epistles of Romans and Galatians, but only -just- (and here my Catholic readers in particular will chuckle to themselves and lovingly stroke their favorite passage of the Epistle of James). The core of Calvinist Doctrine is often expressed by the very Dutch acronym TULIP:

Total Depravity - people are wholly evil, and incapable of good action or even willing good thoughts or deeds

Unconditional Election - God chooses some people to save because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, not because they did anything to deserve, trigger or accept it

Limited Atonement - Jesus died only to save the people God chose to save, not the rest of us bastards

Irresistible Grace - God chooses some people to be saved - if you didn’t want to be saved, too bad, God said so.

Perseverance of the Saints - People often forget this one and assume it’s ‘predestination’ but it’s actually this - basically, once saved by God, always saved, and if it looks like someone falls out of grace, they were never saved to begin with. Well that’s all sealed up tight I guess.

Reading through these, predestination isn’t a single doctrine in Calvinism but the entire theological underpinnings of it together with humanity’s utter powerlessness before sin. Basically God has all agency, humanity has none. Calvinism (and a lot of early modern Protestantism) is obsessed with questions of how God saves people (grace alone, AKA Sola Fides) and who God saves (the people god elects and only the people God elects, and fuck everyone else).

It’s apparent that Noelle was really taken by these questions, and repelled by the answers he heard. He’s alluded to having a tattoo refuting the Gospel passage about Sheep and Goats being sorted at the end times, affirming instead that ‘we’re all just a bunch of wooly guys’ (you can see this goat tattoo in some of his self-portraits in comics, etc). He’s also mentioned that rejecting and subverting destiny is a huge part of everything he writes as a particular rejection of the idea that some individual people are 'chosen' by God or that God has a plan for any of us. You can see that -so clearly- in Adora’s arc, where Adora embraces and then rejects destiny time and again and finally learns to live life for herself.

But for Catra, we’re much more concerned about the most negative aspect of this - the idea that some people are vessels meant for destruction. And that’s something else that Noelle is preoccupied with. In her memoir in the section about leaving the church and becoming a humanistic atheist, there is a drawing of a pot and the question ‘Am I a vessel prepared for destruction?’ Obviously this was on Noelle’s mind (And this is before he came out to himself as queer!).

To look at how this question plays out in Catra’s entire arc, let’s first talk about how ideas of damnation and salvation actually play out in society. And for that I’m going to plug one of my favorite books, Gin Lun’s Damned Nation: Hell in America from the Revolution to Reconstruction (if you can tell by now, I am a fucking blast at parties). Lun tells the long and very interesting story about, how ideas of hell and who went there changed during the Early American Republic. One of the interesting developments that she talks about is how while at first people who were repelled by Calvinism started moving toward a doctrine of universal salvation (no on goes to hell, at least not forever*), eventually they decided that hell was fine as long as only the right kind of people went there. Mostly The Other - non-Christian foreigners, Catholics, Atheists, people who were sinners in ways that were not just bad but weird and violated Victorian ideas of respectability. Really, Hell became a way of othering people, and arguably that’s how it survives today, especially as a way to other queer people (but expanding this is slated for my Montero rant). Now while a lot of people were consciously rejecting Calvinist predestination, they were still drawing the distinction between the Elect (good, saved, worthwhile) and the everyone else (bad, damned, worthless). I would argue that secularized ideas of this survive to this day even among non-Christian spaces in our society - we like to draw lines between those who Elect, and those who aren’t.

And that’s what brings us back to Catra. Because Catra’s entire arc is a refutation of the idea that some people are worthless and irredeemable, either by nature, nurture or their own actions. Catra’s actions strain the conventions of who is sympathetic in a Kid’s cartoon - I’ve half joked that she’s Walter White as a cat girl, and it’s only half a joke. She’s cruel, self-deluded, she spends 4 seasons refusing to take responsibility for anything she does and until Season 5 she just about always chooses the thing that does the most damage to herself and others. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, the show goes out of its way to demonstrate that Catra is morally culpable in every step of her descent into evil (except maybe her break with reality just before she pulls the lever). The way that Catra personally betrays everyone around her, the way she strips herself of all of her better qualities and most of what makes her human, hell even her costume changes would signal in any other show that she’s irredeemable.

It’s tempting to see this as Noelle’s version of being edgy - pushing the boundaries of what a sympathetic character is, throwing out antiheroics in favor of just making the villain a protagonist. Noelle isn’t quite Alex ‘I am in the business of traumatizing children’ Hirsch, who seems to have viewed his job as pushing the bounds of what you could show on the Disney Channel (I saw Gravity Falls as an adult and a bunch of that shit lives rent free in my nightmares forever), but Noelle has his own dark side, mostly thematically. The show’s willingness to deal with abuse, and messed up religious themes, and volatile, passionate, not particularly healthy relationships feels pretty daring. I’m not joking when I gleefully recommend this show to friends as ‘a couple from a Mountain Goats Song fights for four seasons in a cartoon intended for 9 year olds’. Noelle is in his own way pushing the boundaries of what a kids show can do. If you read Noelle’s other works like Nimona, you see an argument for Noelle being at least a bit edgy. Nimona is also angry, gleefully destructive, violent and spiteful - not unlike Catra. Given that it was a 2010s webcomic and not a kids show, Nimona is a good deal worse than Catra in some ways - Catra doesn’t kill people on screen, while Nimona laughs about it (that was just like, a webcomic thing - one of the fan favorite characters in my personal favorite, Narbonic, was a fucking sociopath, and the heroes were all amoral mad scientists, except for the superintelligent gerbil**). But unlike Nimona, whose fate is left open ended, Catra is redeemed.

And that is weird. We’ve had redemption arcs, but generally not of characters with -so- much vile stuff in their history. Going back to the comparison between her and Azula, many other shows, like Avatar, would have made Catra a semi-sympathetic villain who has a sob-story in their origin but who is beyond redemption, and in so doing would articulate a kind of psychologized Calvinism where some people are too traumatized to ever be fully and truly human. I’d argue this is the problem with Azula as a character - she’s a fun villain, but she doesn’t have moral agency, and the ultimate message of her arc - that she’s a broken person destined only to hurt people - is actually pretty fucked up. And that’s the origin story of so many serial killers and psycopaths that populate so many TV shows and movies. Beyond ‘hurt people hurt people’ they have nothing to teach us except perhaps that trauma makes you a monster and that the only possible response to people doing bad things is to cut them out of your life and out of our society (and that’s why we have prisons, right?)

And so Catra’s redemption and the depths from which she claws herself back goes back to Noelle’s desire to prove that no person is a vessel ‘fitted for destruction.’ Catra goes about as far down the path of evil as we’ve ever seen a protagonist in a kids show go, and she still has the capacity for good. Importantly, she is not subject to total depravity - she is capable of a good act, if only one at first. Catra is the one who begins her own redemption (unlike in Calvinism, where grace is unearned and even unwelcomed) - because she wants something better than what she has, even if its too late, because she realizes that she never wanted any of this anyway, because she wants to do one good thing once in her life even if it kills her.

The very extremity of Catra’s descent into villainy serves to underline the point that Noelle is trying to make - that no one can be written off completely, that everyone is capable of change, and that no human being is garbage, no matter how twisted they’ve become. Meanwhile her ability to set her own redemption in motion is a powerful statement of human agency, and healing, and a refutation of Calvinism’s idea that we are powerless before sin or pop cultural tropes about us being powerful before the traumas of our upbringing. Catra’s arc, then, is a kind of anti-Calvinist theological statement - about the nature of people and the nature of goodness.

Now, there is a darker side to this that Noelle has only hinted at, but which is suggested by other characters on the show. Because while Catra’s redemption shows that people are capable of change, even when they’ve done horrible things, been fucked up and fucked themselves up, it also illustrates the things people do to themselves that make change hard. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, two of the most sinister parts of her descent into villainy are her self-dehumanization (crushing her own compassion and desire to do good) and her rewriting of her own history in her speech and memory to make her own actions seem justified (which we see with her insistence that Adora left her, eliding Adora’s offers to have Catra join her, or her even more clearly false insistence that Entrapta had betrayed them). In Catra, these processes keep her going down the path of evil, and allow her to nearly destroy herself and everyone else. But we can see the same processes at work in two much darker figures - Shadow Weaver and Horde Prime. These are both rants for another day, but the completeness of Shadow Weaver’s narcissistic self-justification and cultivated callousness and the even more complete narcissism of Prime’s god complex cut both characters off from everyone around them. Perhaps, in a theoretical sense, they are still redeemable, but for narrative purposes they might as well be damned.

This willingness to show a case where someone -isn’t- redeemed actually serves to make Catra’s redemption more believable, especially since Noelle and the writers draw the distinction between how Catra and SW/Prime can relate to reality and other people, not how broken they are by their trauma (unlike Zuko and Azula, who are differentiated by How Fucked Uolp They Are). Redemption is there, it’s an option, we can always do what is right, but someone people will choose not to, in part because doing the right thing involves opening ourselves to the world and others, and thus being vulnerable. Noelle mentions this offhandedly in an interview after Season 1 with the She-Ra Progressive of Power podcast - “I sometimes think that shades of grey, sympathetic villains are part of the escapist fantasy of shows like this.” Because in the real world, some people are just bastards, a point that was particularly clear in 2017. Prime and Shadow Weaver admit this reality, while Catra makes a philosophical point that even the bastards can change their ways (at least in theory).

*An idea first proposed in the second century by Origen, who’s a trip and a fucking half by himself, and an idea that becomes the Catholic doctrine of purgatory, which protestants vehemently denied!

**Speaking of favorite Noelle tropes

#she ra horde prime #she ra #she ra catra #she ra spoilers #redemption arcs #toxic religion

222 notes · View notes

smileyoongle · 3 years

Text

Falling for a lounge singer (Yandere!Mafia! BTS)// Kim Seokjin

Requested anonymously.

Summary: Working as a part time singer, you never thought you'd find yourself becoming the centre of attention of a man's life, especially one who you can't run from.

Word Count: 2K

You bowed before the audience at your workplace, an empty smile tugging at your lips as you finally walked down the stage and made your way to the bar. This was the third consecutive day in a week where your boss had made you work overtime without paying you for it. You knew that as a singer who performed in a small but reputable lounge bar, you weren’t worth that much. In fact, the reality was that you could be replaced at any given time, the city not having any less talented singers than you and that made you insecure about your job all the time. But either way, you were just stuck here, trying to push your way through every single day just to clear all your debts.

Life was unfair. It had always been.

Sitting down on a bar stool, you leaned across the counter and rested your elbows on it, the cold surface feeling good against the warmth of your skin. The speakers in the lounge were now playing the latest radio hits, the beats making your head hurt as you were handed a glass of water by the bartender who looked at you with a pitiful smile. Thanking him, you sipped on the water before your manager made his way to you and placed a champagne coloured envelope before you. Frowning in confusion, you gave him a questioning look which he returned with a nervous but angry expression.

“Someone left a tip for you,” he sneered, clearly not liking the fact that you had received money which wasn’t given by him. An asshole is what he was, his intentions of seeing you worried sick becoming more and more obvious with every passing night.

Pursing your lips, you unsealed the envelope only to find a lot of money, money that was probably worth your salary of six months. Your eyes widened in surprise, lips parting as you tried to make sense of why someone would tip you off with so much cash. You weren't even that good and you could never be that good.

“Who?” you asked, following your manager’s gaze to the exit where a bunch of men were making their way out. Almost immediately, you were on your feet with the envelope tightly clutched between your fingers. You needed to know who this man was that was so generous to you. Needed to know what about you was worth so much.

Holding your dress with one hand, you made your way towards the exit, eyes worriedly fixated on the doorway which was now empty. The bouncers nodded at you in acknowledgement while you forced a smile upon your lips and exited the bar, a part of you thinking that he must have left. But just as you came in contact with the cold night outside, your eyes took in the sight of an expensive car with a man dressed in an equally expensive suit surrounded by, you were guessing, his bodyguards. You couldn’t see his face yet, only his back being your line of sight but judging by everything, he certainly was someone in power. But if that was the case, what was he doing in a place so...average?

Deciding to end your curiosity, you called out to him, not knowing that this man was going to turn your life around completely. In a good way or bad? That was for you to choose.

“Excuse me, Si-”

Right then, your heel decided to give away, your ankle twisting painfully before you tripped...except you didn’t. Instead, you felt two hands taking a hold of your waist to steady you, your hands immediately latching onto their shoulder in return. And that’s when you finally saw him.

Kim Seokjin.

The man who was known to be running the biggest drug cartel around the country.

Your breath hitched as your eyes widened in recognition, a shiver running down your spine upon the realisation that he was here and he was holding you. Your fingers involuntarily tightened around his bicep, his eyes intently taking in your face as if you were his prey and he, your predator.

“Are you hurt, sweetheart?” he asked, snapping you out of your daze. Swallowing thickly, you shook your head, too afraid to even move because what could you even do? If you had known that Kim Seokjin was the one who had tipped you off, you would have probably just handed the money to your manager without confronting him. But here you were, stuck in a situation that you didn’t know how to get out of.

Your ears perked up at the sound of a car door opening, your eyes darting towards the black vehicle that now mocked at you with its open door. Jin swiftly picked you up without a word, a small yelp escaping your lips as you stared at him with fear and panic.

Were you being kidnapped?

Before you could think any further, you were placed onto a cool leather seat, your legs dangling to the side where the door proceeded to stay open. You watched Jin kneel down before you, his hands gently taking off your heel to inspect your ankle as a frown made its way to your forehead. The sudden act of kindness was making you very confused and you didn’t know what to do about it.

Maybe he just treated people nicely before he got rid of them?

A sudden pressure to your ankle had you whimpering and pulling your foot away, your teary eyes meeting Jin’s as he looked up at you with a soft gaze only to have his heart ache upon seeing you in so much distress.

In all honesty, this wasn’t the first time Jin was seeing you and the fact that he had tipped you a fortune was no coincidence either. He had walked into this bar for a deal about a month ago when he saw you, your voice being the first thing that captivated him. You looked absolutely stunning in a satin dress with your lips stained red, your smile taking his breath away even though it was just for show. Ever since that night, he just knew he had to see you and know you even if it meant coming to this place.

When you went to the rooftop to cry your heart out, he was right there in the shadows, wondering just what he could do to take your worries away. When you were being yelled at by your landlord, he was right there holding himself back from ruining that man's life. In short, every single time you thought you were alone, you weren't. Jin was always there, slowly figuring out where he was going to fit himself in your life. This tip that he had given you was guaranteed to solve your problems but along with that, it also made sure that you would want to see him. And that's all he really needed.

“You’re hurt, sweetheart. I don’t think you can walk-”

“Are you going to kill me?” Jin frowned upon hearing your question, feeling a little hurt that the girl he was so insane about, thought that he'd lay a hand on her, let alone kill her. But he had only himself to blame for having an image that was tainted with the blood of many, innocents and devils alike.

"Why would you think that, Y/N?" He asked, placing his hand on the empty space beside you. Your lips trembled as you struggled to answer, your eyes taking in the number of guards around you two. As if reading your mind, Jin quickly dismissed them, your shoulders slightly relaxing as you watched them walk away to where you couldn't see them. Feeling a little hopeful, you wiped away a tear that fell down your cheek and held your head up.

"I know who you are and what you do," you answered, biting your lip as you watched a wave of disappointment wash over him. Jin had been left speechless and he knew that, his jaw clenching and unclenching out of habit. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he sighed, his hand gently taking yours into his as you tensed in your seat.

"I need you to listen to me carefully, sweetheart," he stated, drawing your attention to him and him only.

"I have been watching you for a while now," he confessed with apology filled eyes looking right into yours, "and hurting you, is the last thing I want."

Those words had you feeling breathless, too many emotions bubbling up your throat and making you wanna throw up. You had been the subject of a very dangerous man for quite some time and you had no idea. On top of it all, he said he didn't want to hurt you and you found yourself believing him. Maybe it was the way his eyes held so much adoration for you or the way he held onto you like you were a fragile little doll, you didn't know.

"Wh-what do you want then?"

"To love you," he answered without any hesitation, his hand coming up to brush away your hair from your cheek. His touch was warm, almost comforting, something you hadn't had in a very long time. Having been so lonely all this time, the idea of being cared for and loved seemed too tempting to let go. And knowing just how powerful Kim Seokjin was, it was very obvious that no one would ever dream of hurting you, be it mentally or physically.

But, were you really willing to choose comfort over the fact that he was a murderer?

"M-Mr. Kim, you don't even know me. I'm a normal girl who has a simple life and being roped into yours is the last thing I need."

You stated, noticing the way his eyes held a hint of sadness that seemed to be barely there. Swallowing thickly, you stood up with a pained expression, quickly taking your heels in your hand as you glanced at Jin one last time. This was the right decision, in your mind. Because there was nothing worse than having to live with a man, knowing he was cold and brutal. It was almost as if you'd be his partner in crime, something you just couldn't digest.

Limping towards the bar, you sighed in relief as a sudden silence surrounded you. Jin hadn't said a word to your rejection, making you think that he had understood what you were trying to say. The chilly air felt comforting now, your breath coming to you in waves of warmth. But before you could open the door to the bar, you heard a light click behind you.

Frowning, you turned around, your eyes growing wide upon coming face to face with the muzzle of a gun. Seokjin stood holding it firmly, his eyes red and angry. Your lips began to quiver immediately, your ears taking in the sound of his guards gathering around you.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, did it sound like you had a choice?" He sneered, stepping forward and pressing the muzzle against your forehead. You slowly shook your head, a full stream of tears falling down your cheeks as you dropped your heels and joined your hands together.

"Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry I didn't-"

"Shh sweetheart, shh," he whispered, sliding the gun down your cheek and pressing it against your jaw. You could feel his arm holding your waist firmly, a scared whimper making its way out of your lips.

"You have no idea just how crazy you've been driving me, Y/N. Ever since I've seen you, I haven't stopped thinking about you," he mumbled, staring into your eyes so intensely that if not for the present situation, you would've deemed it romantic.

"Every second I've been thinking of things I'd like to do to you. And I can't have you take that away from me now, can I?" You closed your eyes, your body shaking as you sobbed at his words. The proximity was starting to suffocate you, your hands desperately trying to push Jin away from you but he was too strong.

"Let me go, Jin. Please let me go," you begged, your eyes drooping shut as you grew tired, your head falling against his chest. His hand came up to the back of your head, caressing your hair as he pulled you flush against him.

"Not any time soon, sweetheart," he replied, suddenly pulling back and gesturing the guards to the car. Large hands came to grip your arms, a scream sounding through the night as you were pushed inside the car you were seated in before. Your palms pressed against the leather, the door closing shut behind you as you sat up and banged your fists against the window. Spotting Jin outside, you cried louder, hoping he'd take pity on you. Instead he leaned down to where your palms rested on the window, placing his exactly against yours.

"I promise you'll be happy, sweetheart. I promise."

A/N: Guess who's back! That's right! Me! A dumb bitch! Anyway, I'm so sorry for not posting for like more than a year but for some reason, my brain went on a break and it just didn't wanna come back. So much has happened in the time I was away and I wanna give y'all so many deets like, boy trouble- check, best friend turning out to be a bitch trouble- check, getting two surgeries within a span of two months- check. In short, my life is a mess and I'm loving it.

Also, this turned out really long for like all the members, which is why I'm gonna post them separately. I hope I give you guys the same vibes from my writing as before. Or I'd die from shame. Okay I'm off now! Tell me if you liked it.

#bts imagines #bts jin #kim seokjin #bts yandere #yandere jin #yandere mafia bts #mafia leader Jin #bts reactions #smileyoongle #yandere!mafia!jin × reader #requested #i don't even remember the tags i used to use #kill me pls #mafia bts imagines #yandere bts imagines #yandere bts reaction #bts

252 notes · View notes