erstwhilesparrow

[erstwhilesparrow]

I might’ve gotten a bit too mentally ill and drew a silly silly guy [ he got 2 cameos at the end of proble’s POVS and was never seen ever again ]

#excellent #outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

Could we get a Eloise? (Which is your preference)

Yes you may :]

#:D #outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

I drew a c!apo!

Love this skin a lot

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

Ngl forgot to post this here lol

But have a O!Krow!!!

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

‘Magic? Please! Magic!’

#:D #outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

I MISS THEM RAAAAAAAH

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

I've never watched outsiders. however. I am rewatching the maze runner movies. So there

[ ID: A drawing of Owen from the chest up in portrait. He's looking up with a wary expression and tense shoulders. He's wearing a t-shirt and some sort of harness. He has short wavy hair. End ID ]

Tag list: @luna-spacedoodles @convexers @renchanters @tangodyke @grey-nova @chimbamuerto @gardenergulfie @oakskull @sadgeish @im-troublesome @griancraft

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

shouldn’t have left the woods 🫡

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

he’s a little fucked up

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

One Final Goodbye.

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

Wanna play the knife ga-

[ ID: A drawing of Oeca from Outsiders from the chest up. He has one hand raised with a knife floating above it, and he's looking at the viewer with a smile. He's wearing a slightly ripped shirt, overalls, a glove, and a sun hat. End ID ]

Tag list: @luna-spacedoodles @convexers @renchanters @cuuno @grey-nova @chimbamuerto @gardenergulfie @oakskull @sadgeish @im-troublesome @griancraft

#knife game :] #outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

THIS PIECE PISSED ME OFF BECAUSE I COULDN’T GET IT TO LOOK RIGHT BUT I PUT TOO MUCH TIME INTO IT TO NOT POST. WE LIVE WE LAUGH WE LOVE

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

hey does it ever make you kind of crazy that post-reunion, c!owen introduces himself to us as owen agarci? agarci as in the name of the demon he shot in the chest during his trial? we know that's not c!owen's real last name -- he tells us so right then and there -- but i think it matters that of the last names he could have chosen for his lie, he took this one. his last name might have been the only thing he still carried with him of his family, of his past before the attack, and he refuses to use it or admit to it.

because it is an introduction, y'know? his narration, after the reunion, is a way of remaking himself in our eyes -- he is not the person we thought he was, so he needs to introduce himself again. and here, the thing he claims as his originating point, as the moment from his past he wants to carry around with him in something so fundamental as his name, is the moment he first killed a demon. this is the most important piece of his past. this, he is telling us, is where he comes from.

i think a lot about how we never actually see owen's parents. i don't even think we get their names? we get their voices in flashbacks over shots of empty fields and unpopulated streets. there is a kind of blankness to owen's past, or to what owen will reveal to us of his past, that forces us to take on faith that he is telling the truth when he talks about his own history. there is no one who could say otherwise; all the people who might have known him before he was a soldier and then a general are almost certainly dead.

it grants owen a fascinating degree of control over his own history. of course he can remake himself in this way, of course he can tell any story he wants of himself in this way; there's no one left to dispute his claims. in a way, he is his own origin -- as he tells us the story of his life, he is also creating that story. he came out of those woods with nothing but a bow on his back, no history, no one still living who could call to him by name. whatever life he lived before that point doesn't matter -- the thing that fundamentally made him the person who walked into town and demanded to join the army wasn't the life he lived with his parents, it was the violence he'd been exposed to and the violence he'd discovered himself willing and able to engage in. or so his story goes.

do you think when he woke up at the bottom of that elevator, memories wiped, nothing left to him of his past, there was some strange sense that he had done this before? do you think he rose up toward the light of the clearing above, empty-handed and alive, his entire life before this point a history waiting for him to tell it, and wondered why it felt familiar?

or maybe it's that he's refusing us. because following his turn during reunion, there's almost a sense that he has tighter control of the camera now. he addresses his 'voices' nearly antagonistically, wishing we/they would go away, responding and talking to us/them in a way that feels harsher than how he's addressed chat in the past. he's frustrated with us/them: why are you still here, i thought i was done with you. he accuses us/them of only pretending to care, of lingering not so much out of concern or any desire to do something as out of some morbid curiosity. there's a degree of access to him that we seem to have lost. it's as if he's finally certain that there is an audience, and what he's willing to show us shifts.

there's something really lovely and horrifying about a lot of the more scripted sections of owen's pov after the reunion. how it shows us things only he knows (the knife in his hotbar for much of his dinner conversation with guts, the beat where he grabs his backpack and reaches for a weapon when it seems like ayngel is about to recognize him, the interaction with puddy in the second clearing when he visits with krow), but we are nevertheless shut out of his interiority as he starts talking less to others, starts favouring third-person camera shots and narration where he gets to step out of the moment and talk to us directly. you can even think about the 'scripted by owengejuicetv' segments after each kill as signalling this: he has such visible direct control of the story we get to know now. he is the one who gets to tell this story, who gets to move the pieces on the board. here's what happened, he says to us. this is how it went. this is what i do and who i am and here are the parts that mattered. do you ever think about how rasbi's ending wasn't streamed from her pov? do you ever think about how the only witnesses to rasbi's death were rasbi herself, and owen?

#hi prev YOU ARE NOT BEING ANNOYING AT ALL #THESE ARE REALLY EXCELLENT TAGS THAT I WOULD PUT IN THE BODY OF A REBLOG IF I KNEW YOU WERE OKAY WITH THAT #your thoughts on this are very very good #i am listening So Intently

[erstwhilesparrow]

What happened to the second clearing! Drawing that never got used in any official way but I really liked it so I kept it! (old drawing)

#outsiders smp

[erstwhilesparrow]

i keep going "wow i wanna Make Poasts" and then realizing none of the posts i want to make will make sense unless you have had access to one very specific set of DMs covering the past like six months. i will not let this stop me but it is. a slight hindrance.

#sparrowsong #does it matter at all? no not really #eventually you'll hear All Of My Thoughts. we'll get there. #take my hand. i can show you the most incomprehensible takes you've ever seen.

[erstwhilesparrow]

ok then. bye i guess

#oh. there he goes #outsiders smp