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megaderping · 14 days

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I feel like when people compare Akechi to Light Yagami, they fundamentally misunderstand his character. Their similarities really end at their designs, and Light is the kind of person Akechi would despise. Light Yagami lives a pretty privileged life at the start of Death Note. He has a stable home, with two parents and a sister who care about him. He's a successful student. There isn't really inherent tragedy to his life. The whole reason he starts using the Death Note is a mix of curiosity and a jaded worldview, and when it works it empowers him, very quickly goes to his head, as he believes he is one who can be a god of a "new world" once the shock of his initial kills wears off. While his first kill was to help someone, that altruism didn't last. He is in charge of his choices, while Ryuk mostly vibes and maybe eggs him on a little. Fundamentally, Light has something Akechi lacks: agency, and a comfortable life he took for granted. Meanwhile, Akechi is someone who lived on the bottom rung of Japanese society. His very existence is shameful there, between his mother being a sex worker, his status as an illegitimate/"throw away" child, and his mother's suicide. Years languishing in a foster system that is notoriously inhumane, in a country where 90% of the adoptions are grown men for inheritance and patriarchal reasons, while very few children in the system find permanent homes. When Akechi awakens his power, he approaches Shido not because he wants to kill people but for a stupid revenge plan cooked up by a traumatized child who's been nudged along by a malevolent god. He wants to build Shido up so that at the height of his power, he can expose him for the monster he really is, while another part of him genuinely wants to be useful to Shido, as Cogkechi later calls out. His feelings are a mess of contradictions, and so it's no surprise that Shido was able to mold him into his assassin at only 15 years old. It's also worth noting that Akechi only approaches Shido with his ability to cause psychotic breakdowns. Shido is the one who teaches and instructs him to do shutdowns. He's still complicit, very sunk cost with his revenge plan, but as I spoke of here, even if he wanted to quit, he couldn't alone. Shido's cleaner and control of the law and ability to effortlessly turn him in would render the Metaverse his only safe haven. I think people look at 11/20 Akechi and Akechi in the early parts of the engine room and assume that's just his "true self," when in reality it's another mask. Royal makes it very clear because in Rank 7, he outright warns Joker of what's to come via a pool metaphor and offers an out (though he's MUCH happier if you don't take it/stick to your principles), and in Rank 8, he goes on that big "I hate you" speech... while Sunset Bridge is playing. Y'know, the song that plays at the end of most confidants to reaffirm bonds. So when he smiles as he shoots what he assumes to be Joker, that doesn't mean he's genuinely happy. More likely, he's an emotional clusterfuck, given he also is disoriented enough to namedrop "Shido-san" over the phone, and in the subsequent meeting with Shido, tells him not to kill the Phantom Thieves and that Morgana is "just a cat." Yes, he says they'll make them fear for the rest of their lives, but remember, he's talking to Shido. The things he says are likely all incredibly calculated to sound appealing to Shido. And when you consider that he planned to utterly destroy Shido's reputation after the election, the "delay" makes even more sense.

Later, Akechi goes on about how the people he induced shutdowns on were deserving of their fates, but I don't think he believes it so much as it's the only way he could convince himself that it was worth it, and given how much society failed him, and given how many of the people he targeted were likely rivals/competitors or rich fucks, I think he'd be less inclined to assume good faith. Kunikazu Okumura was not an innocent little victim, after all. He was one of the people who requested breakdowns and shutdowns the most. I think Akechi enjoyed killing him not because of how it'd hurt Haru, but because of catharsis. Because Okumura is just as monstrous as Shido, so why should he feel remorse? However, I don't believe he feels the same about Wakaba, as when he discusses her with Shido, he mentions how her fate was because she refused to willingly work for him. It's another justification, but I personally think Wakaba's death was the most painful for him because he was effectively making Futaba just like him. That's why I think his reaction to Sae threatening Sojiro's custody was genuine. Anyway, evil grinning Akechi is just another mask, as I said. Keep in mind, this is someone who laments not meeting Joker years ago, someone who Morgana outright points out is lying about his hatred. And that's the thing. Light Yagami, while a really fascinating character, is not someone who had all this childhood suffering or lack of agency. He does not regret his actions in the slightest and goes down due to his own hubris in both the anime and the manga. While you can argue that Ryuk set him up by dropping the Death Note, Light was the one who picked it up and chose to use it. Any nudging from Ryuk didn't coerce Light into doing it because Light seized the opportunity. No, if Light Yagami is like anyone in Persona 5, it's Masayoshi Shido, not Goro Akechi. Both believe they are god/god's chosen, that they are the ones who will reshape the world to their ideals, and to be frank, both use and abuse women to serve their own purposes. Goro Akechi goes down sacrificing himself for the Thieves and pleading with them to stop his father and again in Maruki's reality when he refuses to let Joker accept a gilded prison of a world for his sake when he knows better than anyone what it's like to have no true freedom. If you max his confidant, you see him in the postcredits, leaving his survival entirely possible, and I think it works because at the end of the day, Akechi was meant to be a victim and a foil. Light is a villain protagonist and a cautionary tale. Though its his POV we follow, he isn't someone we're meant to root for, but I definitely don't think enjoying the character is a bad thing at all. He's really interesting! I just think that a lot of the Akechi and Light comparisons are surface level at best.

#goro akechi #persona 5 #p5r spoilers #character analysis #long post #death note spoilers

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rjalker · 8 months

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id call myself cpunk but i am scared the disabled community wont think im disabled enough even though i have chronic pain that affects my ability to live and do basic tasks......

im in denial lol esp w/ the discourse

You are 100% welcome, the Cripplepunk community is welcoming to all physically disabled people (it's just the ableists and ablebodied jackasses anyone has a problem with), and if you have chronic pain, you're physically disabled.

I'd suggest looking through Cripplepunk blogs who post about chronic pain, or just checking out the chronic pain tag, if you want to see what people are talking about.

Chronic pain is a physical disability, even if the rest of society makes it seem like you're just being lazy or a crybaby. The normal level of pain for ablebodied people is none, and especially if it's impacting your ability to function, you're definitely physically disabled, and you'll be welcome in the Cripplepunk tag :)

The "discourse" is people who aren't physically disabled in any way by any definition, who think that they can just "loophole" their way into calling themselves physically disabled, by pretending that physical disability is like...

Like, a riddle or something, and they're trying to be Extra Clever™ in solving it in the most obnoxious way possible, so they come up with "Well, I'm autistic and ablebodied, but the brain is an organ, and autism comes from the brain, so therefore, my brain is disabled, so that means I'm technically physically disabled! Ha! Checkmate, cripples!"

And completely ignore the actual meaning of the words being used, and ignoring the fact that physically disabled people can't "Well, actually--" our disabilities away. Physical disabilities don't stop existing because of a technicality in language that's purposefully ignoring the context.

You can't tell your chronic pain, "Well, actually, you're just a product of my brain, so you can stop now". Talking about your feelings and learning coping mechanisms for when you're feeling upset isn't going to stop your chronic pain, because it's not an emotional problem, it's a physical one.

But these people think that they should get an award for "loopholing" their way into claiming they're physically disabled, while suffering none of the drawbacks of actually being physically disabled. Like chronic pain, and the kinds of systemic ableism that only impact physically disabled people, like lack of access to 90% of society via lack of ramps, no sidewalks, no elevators, doors that are too narrow, and so much more.

Physically disabled people are welcome in Cripplepunk as long as they're not ableist, and if you have chronic pain, you are welcome. No one who belongs in the Cripplepunk movement is going to judge you or tell you you're "not disabled enough" by comparing your chronic pain to theirs, or anything like that. And anyone who tries is gonna be the one who's not welcome in the community.

Here I've copied the original principles and rules of Cripplepunk:

Principles of Cripple Punk:

Cripple punk is exclusively by the physically disabled for the physically disabled

Cripple punk is about solidarity & is open to all physically disabled people

Cripple punk rejects pity, inspiration porn, & all other forms of ableism

Cripple punk rejects the “good cripple” mythos. Cripple punk is here for the bitter cripple, the uninspirational cripple, the smoking cripple, the drinking cripple, the addict cripple, the cripple who hasn’t “tried everything”

Cripple punk fights internalized ableism & fully supports those struggling with it

Cripple punk respects intersections of race, culture, gender, sexual/romantic orientation, size, intersex status, mental illness/neuroatypical status, survivor status, etc.

Cripple punk recognizes that there is no one universal disabled experience

[originally italicized for emphasis] Cripple punk does not pander to the able bodied

Rules of Cripple Punk:

Cripple punk is not conditional on things like mobility aids & “functioning levels”

Always listen to those w/ different physical disabilities & different intersections than yourself. Do not speak over them

Disabled people do not need to personally identify w/ the words “cripple” or “punk” individually to be a part of cripple punk

Able bodied people wishing to spread the message may only ever amplify the voices of the disabled

Able bodied people may never use uncensored slurs themselves, but never censor our language

Able bodied people must always tag things like reblogs with “I’m able bodied”

Physically disabled people wanting to be a part of the movement who are uncomfortable using the slur may refer to it as “cpunk”

#Cripplepunk #cpunk #cripple punk #asks #replies #anonymous #chronic pain

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diabolus1exmachina · 1 year

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Lamborghini Urraco P300

Despite having been conceptualised as the model to dramatically increase sales and bring Lamborghini greater financial stability, the Urraco P250 proved a commercial flop. Production started in late 1972 following major equipment and floorspace investment. However, by late 1974, less than 500 had been delivered. The Urraco should have gone into production two years earlier than it eventually did. Lamborghini had originally conceived the model with a view to selling over 1000 examples every year.

The disappointing reality left Lamborghini deep in the red, but the Urraco was only partly responsible for a difficult few years.

Compounding the firm’s troubles had been delays for the Countach, a worldwide recession, problems at Lamborghini Trattori and unionised labour, all of which contrived to take their toll on the company founder. In 1972, Ferruccio Lamborghini had sold his tractor company along with 51% of his motor car business. He cashed out of the final 49% in 1974 when the world was in the midst of an energy crisis that slashed demand for gas guzzling machinery.

Throughout this tumultuous period, development work continued on the Urraco. It mainly focused on the Paolo Stanzani-designed V8 engine that had been created especially for the new model at considerable expense. In November 1974, an uprated Urraco P300 was launched at the Turin Motor Show. It immediately went into production alongside the Countach LP400, Espada Series 3 and Jarama S.

Most significantly, the Urraco P300 came with an enlarged three-litre engine. Equally importantly, the power unit now incorporated dual instead of single overhead camshafts.

To take capacity up to three-litres, Paolo Stanzani’s all-alloy 90° V8 was stroked from 53mm to 64.5mm. Bore went unchanged at 86mm for an overall displacement of 2997cc (an increase of 534cc). Compression was dropped from 10.5:1 to 10.0:1. Four new Weber 40 DCNF twin-choke downdraught carburettors were installed to replace the old 40 IDF 1s used previously.

The consequence of these improvements was a dramatic jump in output. Peak power was up 40bhp to 260bhp at an otherwise unchanged 7500rpm. The torque rating also rose considerably; 195lb-ft was now on tap at 3500rpm compared to 166lb-ft at 5750rpm for the P250.

As before, ignition was via two Marelli coils and a single Marelli distributor.

Lamborghini’s five-speed manual gearbox was beefed up to cope with the increased power and torque. Transmission was via a single dry-plate clutch and Lamborghini differential. New damper settings improved the ride, but otherwise little was changed to the existing platform The P300 was based on the same steel monocoque body shell as its predecessor. The engine was housed transversely like the Miura.

Suspension was independent all-round with MacPherson struts, coil springs and telescopic shocks. Anti-roll bars were fitted at either end The twin circuit brake system incorporated unchanged 278mm ventilated Girling discs. Campagnolo’s handsome five-bolt cast magnesium wheels were retained. They measured 7.5 x 14-inches and originally came shod with Michelin XWX tyres.

An 80-litre fuel tank was fitted in the engine bay.

Visually, the only change made to the P300 Urraco was a switch from a two-bank to six-bank radiator cooling vent on the front lid. The rest of Marcello Gandini’s soft wedge creation was unaltered.In a decade not exactly renowned for design longevity, the Urraco proved somewhat timeless. Compared to Bertone’s other mid-engined 2+2, the Ferrari Dino 308 GT4, the baby Lamborghini aged very well, even though it was ultimately outsold by the Maranello product by five to one.Build quality was considerably improved over earlier examples and nowhere was this more apparent than in the cockpit.Bertone had originally been responsible for furnishing the bodyshells, but by the time the P300 was on stream, this work had been taken in-house.

Lamborghini used better quality materials and ensured a higher standard of fit and finish.To this end, P300s were generally equipped with full leather interiors instead of the often garish two-tone leather and fabric combinations seen earlier.

The full width dash layout was still just as haphazard though. The rev counter and speedometer were located at either end of the instrument binnacle and angled in towards the driver. Supplementary gauges and various rocker switches were housed in between.

Lamborghini’s unusual deep dish steering wheel with its four arced horizontal spokes and leather rim was also retained. Like the P250 (which remained in production for a few months longer to use up an overstock of parts), the only update was the gradual shift to anodised black bumpers, wipers and window frames. A more conventional three-spoke steering wheel was also introduced towards the end of production.

#Lamborghini Urraco P300 #Ferruccio Lamborghini #Countach LP400 #Espada #Jarama S #Miura #Ferrari Dino 308 GT4 #Bertone

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kawaoneechan · 1 year

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Why I don't like Unity

There's three reasons, basically, besides my personal inability to get any custom character assets into Unity, Unreal, or Godot.

Let me tell you below the readmore.

Reason #1: it managed to fucking bluescreen my system just trying to start.

How do you fuck that up? I download an installer and run it. This gives me a launcher. From there, I'm supposed to install the actual product I wanted to begin with. That's bad enough, to be honest. But then the fucking launcher managed to break so badly, I had my first BSOD in several months. With all I do to my poor laptops, I so very rarely got crashes like that it honestly threw me the fuck off.

If the launcher is gonna play like that, forget about installing the actual product.

Reason #2: CPU pegging up the ass.

On my previous laptop, attempting to run basically any Unity-based game would peg the CPU, all cores, until the poor thing ran so hot within mere minutes, it'd commit preventative sudoku. Maybe if I was lucky, I'd get a chance to set all the things to "lowest", and that might let me, I dunno, play long enough to get through the goddamn tutorial?

And I'm not even talking about state-of-the-art 3D games, but simple 2D games with low-resolution pixel art. Why would those run a dual-core at 200% until it fucking kills itself? Makes no sense.

Now, Phil Fortier of Icefall Games is an acquaintance of mine via SCI shenanigans, and when he released Snow Spirit (soon to be rereleased as part of Chronicles of Cascadia), I lamented to him about how his use of Unity would mean I couldn't run any of his stuff. So Phil looked into it and found a Big Fucking Thing to optimize. This basically makes Phil's SCI games the only things made in Unity that I can personally trust won't Do That.

Reason #3: About those 2D games...

I'm gonna dip into my Twitter archives for a bit and repost some stuff for this part.

*wavy flashback effect*

This is Angel Jump, a simple little arcade jumping game that's available on itch.io:

It's delightfully low resolution and has like four seconds of audio all added up. Can't be more than a few MB, depending on which sane development framework they used, right?

33 MB, actually. Because Unity. Let's see how it breaks down:

Unity main exe: 623 KB

Main game assets file: 1.19 MB together

A folder full of support DLLs like terrain and cloth: 7.17 MB, 90% or more of them never called because this is a 2D pixel-art game.

Unity's default resources: 3.41 MB. Mind that of these, only the splash logo is actually used because Angel Jump was made in the free edition.

Mono embedded runtime: 2.61 MB, and each game gets its own copy, much like how Electron apps each have their own copies of Chromium.

And another 17 MB for the Unity Player.

All in all, 33 MB of files for a game like that. Why? Because Unity is a bloated crapsack, I'd conclude from a cursory study like that. Let's compare that to some other games.

This is Elevator Girl, which is not on itch.io.

It has a lot of different animations and three fairly long background music tracks. It's only one file, 18.7 MB. I'm willing to bet most of that is the BGM, but I can't confirm it because it's just the one file.

And just for some historical perspective, the entire Crystal Caves trilogy is 1.31 MB, including some chaff. Commander Keen 4 on its own is 740 KB. Now, Keen and Elevator Girl both have OPL soundtracks, but the latter's is probably streamed.

Noxico is only 1.25 MB to download as a .7z file. Its only optimization that I myself actively apply is that I crunch the PNG files. The rest is text, and since the game uses a .zip file by another name as a game data source... yeah. That's a cheap win.

Now, back to Angel Jump. I went through the game's own resources to see what size it could conceivably have if it was not made in Unity. 54 textures, ten of them actually used. Tiny font stored in a weird way, possibly for distance field trickery which has no business in a 2D pixel game if you ask me. 921 KB of WAV files, high-quality bleepity-bloops, two of them jingles. 4.22 KB of PNG files, crunched like Noxico, for all but the creator's logo and the font. 973 KB for a copy of SDL, and I'd estimate at worst two MB for the main EXE.

The entire Angel Jump game could be no more than 4 MB and a half-dozen files, It's actually 33.2 MB, 92 files.

There's a more general computer programming issue that this reliance on Unity for even the simplest, smallest games seems to spring from: the bigger and better the computers get, the more lazy the developers get. Only have like four MHz, 640 KB of RAM and, what, 720 KB of diskette space, and no guarantee of an HDD? Better make the most of it, developers! But now the pressure's off and there's no more reason to exert any effort into keeping small games actually small.

*sigh*

#unity #rant #twitter

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beardedmrbean · 2 months

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Some Gen Zers have grown critical of capitalism in recent years.

Rather than dismiss the whole system, many are embracing an idea one researcher calls "safety capitalism."

Gen Zers are less likely to take certain risks, which could be one reason they want more of a social safety net.

When someone loses their job or can't work for health reasons, how much government support should they receive? If you ask many Gen Zers that question, they'll say the current social safety net is insufficient.

Christina Elson, executive director of the Center for the Study of Capitalism at Wake Forest University, told Business Insider that many young people have embraced an idea she calls "safety capitalism."

The theory behind safety capitalism is that a successful capitalist system can and should provide sufficient protection — or safety — for those who need support following circumstances like a job loss or illness. One of the key questions facing any economic system is, "What should failure look like," Elson asked.

While many Americans receive support from a variety of social programs such as unemployment, food stamps, or disability, some of these have been scaled back since the height of the pandemic. As things stand, many Gen Zers think the US's social safety net is inadequate.

Sixty-five percent of Gen Zers think the government should provide a job to anyone who wants one, according to a Wake Forest survey of 2,000 Gen Zers and millennials conducted with YouGov in 2022. Forty-five percent said they had a positive impression of universal basic income policies. In a 2023 survey conducted by the same group, 65% percent of Gen Zers said unemployment payments should match one's salary.

Most Gen Zers still support capitalist ideas like private home ownership and entrepreneurship, Elson said. But many are frustrated with how the high costs of things like healthcare, housing, and education have taken a financial toll on Americans — and think these systems could benefit from more government intervention.

"You hear about 'billionaires should be outlawed' — that really isn't the issue," Elson previously told BI regarding Gen Zer's concerns. "The issue is the bottom. What is the appropriate bottom living standard for an American citizen, and what role should the government have in ensuring that people don't fall below that?"

Some are even turning away from capitalism altogether. In a Business Insider survey conducted last July of over 1,800 Americans, 28% of Gen Z respondents said they somewhat or strongly preferred the economic system of socialism over capitalism, the most of any generation. Twenty-nine percent of Gen Zers preferred capitalism — the rest didn't have a preference or weren't sure.

Why Gen Z wants an expanded safety net

Compared to past generations, young people today are less likely to drive, drink, have sex, and more likely to live at home, per some surveys. Elson said these examples point to a level of risk aversion that may be unique to Gen Zers.

"Gen Z are 'younger for longer,' — they go out into the world slower," she said, adding, "What is it that this generation needs in order to feel that they're able to go out there and take risks?"

Elson said many Gen Zers seek a "redesign of social safety" to enhance what some feel is an outdated system. For example, unemployment insurance and Social Security were introduced nearly 90 years ago during the Great Depression.

The financial challenges currently facing the Social Security system — due in part to the US's aging population — are arguably further evidence of a system that's in need of reform.

"All of this network has been designed for another time and place," Elson said.

Exactly what, if any, changes the US should make to its social safety net is up for debate. Some young people may look to Europe, where countries generally have a larger social safety net than the US.

In Germany, eligible unemployed individuals receive between 60% and 67% of their previous salary for up to a year. Policies like universal health insurance and guaranteed sick leave are also more common in Europe. Before temporary changes were enacted during the pandemic, most US states offered six months of unemployment benefits, with Americans collecting an average of $372 a week, per PBS.

Regardless, Elson said it's important that the US's entrepreneurial culture — which can reward risk-taking and drive economic progress — remains intact.

Most businesses fail, but as prominent investor Charlie Munger once said — and Elson referenced in a recent post — a level of failure may be necessary to have a thriving economy.

"Capitalism without failure is like religion without hell," Munger said.

#nunyas news

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historia-vitae-magistras · 5 months

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Mandatory Latina ask: do Matt feel American as in part of one of the Americas? Part of the New World? Mexico and Cuba would try and explain they are all American and Alfred feels The New World™ on a Manifest Destiny kind of philosophy but do Matt feels some kindship with his friend Cuba and Caribbean commonwealth brothers and Latinos and former or current French colonies nations?

This is a fascinating question because it's a D.) all of the above. Question if this was multiple choice.

I think, in the year of our lord 2023, he would probably call himself a North American and think of himself as a part of the New World, but usually, that definition for Canadians silently includes some of the South Pacific, so that doesn't make a whole lot of goddamn sense either. North Americans in a different way than the Americans but not as much the Pan-American sense of America. And that's very new. There's a small spurt of French Canadians considering themselves Latin Americans in the early 19th century with our revolt against the British and nationalism that corresponded with some participation of individuals in the wars of independence and other conflicts in South America. Matt had a moment before anglophone domination took over that he might have seen a future in that sort of Pan-American definition of American, but it was done by the 1830s.

After that, it was the British Empire. He defines himself by participating in that imperial system, not the French and not a sense of being North American until after WW1. And even then, it took until NAFTA in the early 90s for an actual large-scale cultural flow with the mainland. Cuba and the Caribbean are a little different because the trade relationship was there. Halifax was the main port for centuries, but it's still... it's an odd relationship. Suppose I look at the British Empire in Africa. In that case, it's easy to see how that would work because the Canadians played a small but very bluntly colonialist role in multiple conflicts. With the Caribbean, there's some exchange of people and trade. However, it's from an early enough date that Canada is still kind of too shitty and underdeveloped to have an oppressive relationship from the very get-go. Still, there is a lot of fuckery in there. I will say I think it's a bit easier than it might otherwise be as Black Canadians were politically organized in the late 19th and early 20th century, and that, amongst other forces, largely blunted our own want for a mini-empire in our sphere the way NZ and Australia did with island ports in their own neighbourhood. There's an alternate universe where Canada fought the Falklands War. So I think Matt gets along with them, but I'm not sure there's a sense of kinship so much as comradery in an 'oh fuck what'd the limeys/yanks/frogs/Spaniards/Portuguese do this time.'

Born a francophone, he has... it's a weird relationship he's got with the rest of the Francophonie. I don't think he feels a sense of kinship at all. Friendly, sure, increasingly interested in them, yes. But French Canadians, particularly the Quebecois, are pretty proud and tend to think of themselves as entirely different from France or Belgium. And despite what the Quebecois nationalists would say in the 1970s, we really cannot compare our history with, say, Algeria's or Vietnam's. And Matt is really aware of that. He was way more privileged under Arthur than practically anyone was under Francois.

He's not unique by any means. There's been middling anti-social sorts in every empire since the Akkadians, but he's just kinda everywhere and nowhere. He and Cuba have definitely had a relationship. Like, I don't believe it, but there's a reason there's a conspiracy that Justin Trudeau is Fidel Castro's son and not Pierre's lmao. If nothing else, Cucan has had some good sex. I think he gets along with Maria (my friend's Mexico) really well too. It doesn't help that he's not the most extroverted type either. He's such a weirdo I'm so sorry to whoever has to interact with him or us as a country lmao.

#the ask box || probis pateo #matthew || my country is winter #meatsack mechanics || the sociology and biology of nations

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sonicjustbecause · 4 months

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Sonic characters - who I like, who I'm fine with, who I dislike

This is what I wrote yesterday. I want to underline that this is just my opinion and that I have nothing against you. I'm adult for a while right now. Sonic is just a passion that makes me happy, that I enjoy for fun, but is not my life. I say that because knowing what the Sonic fandom may be like, is easy to feel intimidated by different point of view.

Let's start!

Favourites/I love:

SONIC (of course)

I discovered Sonic games in 1991. I was friend with two fraternal twins since kindergarden and we were among the first kids who were able to play videogames (I owned a commodore 64 my uncle gifted me, the twins owned a Sega Master System and a Game Boy). There were not much informations about Sonic's personality, but talking with my friends, we all perceived him being very similar to Shadow. Just openly more gentle.

In 1995 there were Sonic cartoons (Sonic SatAM, AoStH, in collaboration with Italy). Sonic was not like Shadow, but he was 'meh'... I liked him but he wasn't really my favourite. Also the design left me confused (my brother was more into the western design, i was more into the Japanese design).

To be honest I think the western design is cute. I would fix the quills, more classic sonic style instead of the mohawk and the hands, making them with five fingers instead of four. And some little adjustments on the ankles but for the rest is fine.

I loved Sonic in Sonic Adventure 2 and I liked Ryan's voice. I easily tend to imagine his voice if i read some story about him. I like Ryan's, Jason's, Deven's and the italian VA Renato). What I like most about Sonic is his kindness.

TAILS

There was a period were Tails received a lot of hate, maybe just because he is a child. But in early '90s' Tails was loved by player. His ability to fly made the level easier to beat, so everybody played with him. Since he is a fox, I excepted him to be cunning. Of course not toward Sonic (he is his friend after all) but toward Eggman, outsmarting him. I also considered Sonic and Tails being brothers. All of this before knowing him.

When I noticed he had two tails instead of one, I though it was because of an experiment by Eggman. The two tails genetic mutation does exist in nature, although is rare.

KNUCKLES

I saw knucles in early '90s for the first time but he didn't catch my interest. He was Sonic's opponent. I never had occasions to play Sonic's games until we finally got Sonic Adventure 2. Then I noticed Knuckles was about the stereotype of the cool boy... except he was not so bright and he was quite naive.

SHADOW

I loved his balanced design. The first thing I though is that he could be a great character for graffitis. Early Shadow seemed based on emo kids, it was fashion in early '00s'.

He was also quite depressed, almost suicidal at times. After 2006 Shadow became famous as 'the edgelord', almost an unintentional caricature of himself. Before 2006 Shadow seemed slightly friendlier and laid back at times. That bit that was enough to made him seem more alive. As if he sometimes did things just to have fun like Sonic. And it happened his idea of fun match Sonic's. In later years he seems recovering from his edgelord days.

AMY

Amy didn't caugh my attention earlier but right now is one of the characters I like. Though i miss her fangirling about Sonic. Also because they decided to remove that part of her, it was considered a flaw. Yet Amy could see Sonic's flaws and was honest with him about what she though. All the rest of Amy is there. And she had and has a lot of good qualities.

EGGMAN

Eggman is funny, hilarious. But he is wicked, manipulative, sadistic, cruel and I mean actual cruel towards beasts. And toward kids.

All Eggman's doing.

Also Eggman's doing.

Most Sonic's friends (including Sonic) are teenagers. Eggman has shown to be capable to kill fellow humans too. Without problems.

I like, but they can be better:

ROUGE

Rouge is a female Lupin III. I compare her to Lupin and not to Fujiko because, although she is a thief and a spy, although she may be cunning, she is a loyal friend.

The thing I don't like about her is her original design:

I'm not against her design for political correct bullshit reasons. Simply this design seems somewhat unfinished, heavy and awkward and the pink is overhelming. Rouge herself doesn't look much athletic. Also she looks like a character coming from the middle of the '900 and not a modern character.

I like more the prime design, where her figure is more atletic, muscular and balanced like her job (spy, thief) would suggest.

CHAO

The chao design actually is perfect the way it is. I love all the variants seen in SA and SA2. And the chao's minigame (I raise them only with Sonic and Shadow. They're the only who don't hurt them accidentally). However in a story their role should be about the same role of the flickies. Cheese is a prominent character, but it feels forced.

(Ignore Mario)

CREAM and VANILLA

I think they should be supporting characters when needed. They're nice and all, but I can't see them taking on adventures. They worked well when they took care of Sonic but they're better characters for slice of life or lighter adventures.

BIG

This one is quieter and more a loner than Shadow, yet he is very happy, kind and gentle. He has the natural nice personality most real cats have, especially male cats. Like Cream and Vanilla, i think his role would be more the one of a supporter character. The one who listen and who make all characters feel better after a chat. He doesn't work as protagonist and i think his start was rough. Big is a Siberian cat. Those cats have a cobby bodytype and are long haired

An actual Siberian cat

METAL SONIC

Although a robot, he can work. But he is like radioactive material. He should be used carefully.

Meh... forgettable

BLACK DOOM

I think his ugliness alone was more than enough to made him a laughing stook. He is evil manipulative, sadistic, abusive and all, sharing his flaws with Dr.Eggman. But he lacks Eggman's positive traits. Is not even funny. So fans and even comic writers treat him like one of those mignon who are all words and no substance. It might be unconscious.

Woooh, how treatening... villain's empty words.

Just an example of how people see Black Doom... (Drawn by Ama)

STICKS

Sticks may seem cute, funny, but in the end she's not that memorable. She's nothing more than the caricature of a conspiracy theorists, thin foil hat and such. That can work in another media but not in Sonic.

SILVER

I fail to understand this guy. Is he a blend between Sonic and Shadow? His design keeps leaving me unimpressed and it doesn't suggest me a personality in particular. Redundant.

CHAOTIX

Hate at first sight. Redundant.

MOST I WON'T MENTION, TOO MANY TO REMEMBER.

They're redundant, not much interesting.They seem a blander blend of main characters. Is like wanting to fix the main characters or wanting to create an upgraded version of the main character, instead is only taking away the fun.

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creature-wizard · 11 months

Text

Yet Another Ex-Satanic Fraud: Svali

The woman known as Svali seems to have picked up the torch of the Satanic Panic sometime around the turn of the 21st century. But unlike her predecessors, Svali never published any books or went on TV. Instead, she uses a pseudonym and keeps her presence largely on the Internet.

Svali's claims are clearly based on the groundwork laid by Mike Warnke, Bill Schnoebelen, and the like, who all assert that a global Satanic conspiracy is secretly controlling the world behind the scenes and practice various forms of ritual abuse, ranging from CSA to human sacrifice. These claims, of course, are rooted in medieval and later antisemitism and early modern witch panic.

However, Svali comes at this from a somewhat different angle than her predecessors. She gave a lot of details about the supposed organizational structure of the Illuminati, and described alleged methods the conspiracy used to put people under mind control and induce DID.

If you've ever come across stuff about jewel programming, metal programming, or color programming? That's all from Svali. That's literally shit she made up.

Today, some of her material is available on bibliotecapleyades.net, a site that hosts a lot of New Age and conspiratorial content.

Svali claims that she was a programmer - IE, a person who performed these brainwashing techniques - until the age of 38. She claims that:

I believed that the group would rule the world within my children's lifetime. In fact, I was told that my children would be leaders in the New order, which would be brought in by the middle of this century.

She claims that the Illuminati has thirteen leaders, and claims that "many were behind the banking system of the modern world."

This is the 13 Bloodlines conspiracy theory, which is deeply antisemitic, being a repackaged form of "Jewish bankers are controlling the world!" So in case you were wondering if you could separate all of this stuff about this alleged Satanic ritual mind control from antisemitism? No, you can't. It's a packaged deal. If you believe what Svali says about jewel programming, you have to believe the rest of her bullshit, too. If you're seeing antisemitic conspiracy theories in DID communities who've internalized this crap? That's not an accident. It's not a bug, it's a feature.

Svali claims that the Illuminati have been linking with various occult and religious organizations over the years, and claims that "they have been funding paramilitary groups, extremist groups, and any groups with an agenda that includes hatred, ego-centricism, racism, or other isms to an extreme."

I suspect that claims like this may be why Svali's claims are finding their way into progressive-leaning circles, who aren't aware of the Christofascist history of the Satanic Panic, nor the thorough debunking of its early proponents.

It doesn't take Svali long to start in with the pearl clutching, though. She claims that the Illuminati is slowly pushing people toward "immorality and idolatry," and you can supposedly see proof of this by comparing media from the 1950's to the media of right now (the late 90's/early 2000's, at the time this was written).

Mmmm, those good old 1950's, back when the Hays Code forbade depictions of homosexuality, Black/white couples, corrupt clergy, and bad cops unless it was emphasized that the cop was just a bad apple.

The first chapter ends with the declaration that if you want to prevent the Illuminati from taking over the world, you have to choose to follow Jesus.

Once again, you cannot separate any of the conspiratorial claims and allegations made during the Satanic Panic from Christofascist agendas. It was nothing more than a bunch of fearmongering meant to incite fear and hatred of anyone who wasn't a cishet conservative Christian, and scare anyone out of leaving conservative Christianity.

#satanic panic #svali #illuminati #sra #satanic ritual abuse #conspiracy theories #conspiracy theorists #conspiracism

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nitewrighter · 9 months

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Do you think that the other characters forget Efi is only 12 (I think). Like she and Torbjorn spend the day going over super complicated schematics (and she even corrects him once or twice) then she puts on Power Puff Girl pajamas, watches Bluey while eating ice cream before bed? Could we get some fanteractions between her and the others?

I don't know if I discussed it on twitter or on here, but actually in the novel The Hero of Numbani, one of the things I thought was a really cute little world-buildy touch about how Efi interacts with the world at her age is that she often finds herself in these adult spaces, and the adults around her are drinking coffee, and they're like "uhhhh here" and they keep giving her coffee that's like... 50% milk and loaded with sugar--like it's clear they didn't really expect a kid to be in this situation and they're awkwardly doing what they can to try and accommodate her, and she partially recognizes that and also pushes boundaries and feels this need to prove herself.

Also like, 12 isn't really a "powerpuff girl pajamas and Bluey" age, 12 is like.. the age where you semi-convince yourself that you could probably stop arterial bleeding with your little bare 12-year-old hands if the situation called for it. 12 is when you're in a fucked up simultaneous state of "World is big and scary and my body is starting to do things I did not give it permission to do and I'm not ready" and also "I'm Nancy Drew levels of hypercompetent and you can't stop me." Ideally, 12 is where you're starting to push your own boundaries more and more but you're also kind of struggling with the fact that you are outgrowing things you used to really care about. You aren't quite at that asshole stage of "expanding independence but with very little concept of consequences" yet, but it is an age where you are grasping more and more complex concepts. But also your brain is still struggling to really make a leap into abstract/symbolic thinking, which is why algebra really sucks at that age. But again, Efi is a super-genius so developmentally she's at an even crazier intersection of what she can and can't do compared to her peers.

I got off track. Anyway here's Efi interactions.

----

Sojourn: ...You um, you don't have to stand all the way over there. I don't bite.

Efi: *awkwardly shuffles toward her*

Sojourn: ...

Efi: ...

Sojourn: Soooo---?

Efi: *hoarse whisper* You're so much cooler than in the cartoons.

Sojourn: *snrk* I was this cool the whole time.

---

Sojourn: So, I guess I should say, there's really no pressure here. If you did choose to join us, you would just be here as a consultant, and--*deep breath* Okay, the thing is, with Liao gone, you're actually one of the leading minds in the world on AI learning systems, and the way things are with Null Sector, we need to be better at anticipating their next moves. I don't want to put that pressure on you, but given everything you and Orisa have done for Numbani, your willingness to work with Lúcio before, and the position we're currently in, we would be honored if we could get your perspective on certain pieces of intel we have now.

Efi: ...

Sojourn: I get it, it's a very scary situation, and if you just want to stay with your parents and the rest of the civilians, we'll still do everything in our power to keep you safe. Orisa is proving to be an incredible asset on her own. Really, Lúcio just remarked that you seemed very passionate about protecting your home, so if you would be interested in the chance to do that on a larger scale--

Efi: Do I have access to the armory?

Sojourn: Eh--?

Efi: Oh it's not for me, it's for Orisa.

Sojourn: Uhm...

Efi: :)

Sojourn: *clicks tongue* Um--You know what? I'm going to call your parents because there are about 90 more parameters in this situation I need to figure out.

Efi: Oh! They're fine with me having access to the armory.

Sojourn: Yeeahhh I think i'm going to ask them myself.

#'tell me your parents are middle school teachers without telling me your parents are middle school teachers'#efi oladele #vivian 'sojourn' chase #overwatch #Let Efi go feral in Torbjörn's workshop--it's what she deserves

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system-of-a-feather · 2 months

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Are you still accepting asks about late stage DID recovery? I (host of a DID system in more early to mid stage recovery) have some questions about it, if you're comfortable answering (some of them might be too personal and I understand that).

What is communication like when you're Fei? Like, can you still feel and talk to yourselves as distinct? For example say one of you gets anxious about something, can you pinpoint "this is who is feeling anxious" and talk to them to reassure them, or does it feel like ALL of you are anxious and it's just everybody's feeling all at once, and talking to them feels like self-talk?

Do any of you (especially those who have tended to be more different from the rest of the system) feel like you've lost any of yourself and the things that make you you, when you're fused?

Especially regarding #1, do you know how your experience compares to people who say they've reached final fusion? Like other than it being temporary, is there anything that makes it distinct? And same question for functional multiplicity I guess.

Do you/any of you ever get scared/worried about the possibility of someday not being able to separate or even not being able to identify yourselves as separate consciousnesses? And if no, is that because you don't see that as possible for you, because even if it did happen it wouldn't scare you, or both?

There are a couple of vloggers with DID whose content we've been watching since pretty early into our diagnosis because it was comforting to us to see systems who could put words to things we had experienced and show us that things might not always be as hard as they were in those early days of system awareness. But one of them has just unexpectedly had her whole entire system fuse together in the span of like 2 months, despite that she wasn't aiming for final fusion (she didn't have a specific goal picked out as far as that)... and the other is coming back from hiatus and shared that they had a fusion that none of the system, including BOTH the alters who fused together, had wanted. And hearing those things freaked us out.

We're just now at a point of feeling like most of us know who we are, most of us can trust that the rest of the system has each other's backs, that kind of thing. For many of us, we can love ourselves as a whole (the way we exist right now though, a fragmented whole) and as individual consciousnesses, and we love each other like family.

But every single aspect of who we are as "people," how we function in the world together as a "whole person," how we communicate and relate to one another... every single thing about it would change if we fused, you know? I know people say that you don't lose anything or anyone when a fusion happens, but the fact is, no one involved in the fusion exists in the same way they used to anymore after it happens. (Or so my understanding of it is.) And that's a very scary and painful thing to think about for us right now.

I feel like 90% of the time, our communication and teamwork goes so smoothly. I wouldn't say we're close to functional multiplicity, because there are still a number of us who have little to no communication with each other (and I know I'm still not even aware of everyone in the system), but we're finally at a point of feeling stronger together, caring about each other, most of us trusting each other to have our backs, and that kind of thing. And hearing other systems talk about unexpected -- and especially unwanted -- fusions, well... yeah. That scares me.

If we ever reach a point where fusion feels natural and like something we want, we're trying to stay open to the idea of that and we think we'd accept it at that point. But we absolutely would want it to be something that we got to choose, and that happened because we wanted it to happen. You know? The idea that if we process through our trauma and keep working together well, that one day we might just... fuse without wanting to or deciding to... it freaks me out.

Thank you for bearing with this long message lol.

Ayeee Im gonna reply as I read this (I skimmed the first half and decided Id just write as I read); so keep that in context when reading my reply.

What is communication like when you're Fei?

So we actually went on a small tangent below the cut in this post about it cause we were thinking about it as Fei and found it interesting when we paid more attention to how we communicate. But generally when we are Fei we just kinda don't *need* to explicitly communicate or rather, in other terms, focus on paying attention to the communication we are having internally. A lot of it happens smoothly and fast to where a lot of the time it just kinda floats in our head quietly and passes through while we are acting and thus we don't always fully actively attend to the back and forth. As a result, if we aren't meaning to pay attention to it, it often gets kind of "brushed over" in how we internally interpret the communication to be kind of summarized in a more singular identity than specifically paying attention to which part is saying what.

The underlying conversation between parts is still there and if I reflect back and focus more into what was going on in my head, I can absolutely identify the individual parts and the interactions and even BE the individual parts, but usually - when I'm not intentionally looking closely at my thoughts - it's just "Oh I don't want to do that, but you know, I DO want to do that and I could do it better if I was in more of a [part] headspace so I'll let that part win over and so now I do want to do that" when underneath it there was a lot of banter between the "dominant" part at the time (in the post above, Riku) and the other part that would be better to have (in the post above, Chunn). It's only when I actively double took my own thoughts did I go "hey wait a minute that was a funny banter"

Like, can you still feel and talk to yourselves as distinct?

Yeah sometimes. A lot of the time unless something particularly comes up or sparks the interest of a specific part, usually we just kind of exist as a whole, but the second anything interesting comes up, parts tend to rear their head and blabber like they want. It doesn't usually feel as intensely like a whole separate part necessarily, but the distinction is pretty clear even then and its kinda funny as Fei sometimes cause I'm like "Lol [part brain] and [other part brain] are bantering". It's kinda like having mixed feelings I think but with a lot more respect to the complexities, identities, and histories that back the sources of those mixed feelings. I can hear and watch and feel and talk with the parts of myself that generate the mixed feelings and even see and visualize them without them Not Being Me. I am Chunn, I am Riku, I am XIV, I am Ray, I am all of them all at once but also at the same time, I could very easily just choose to be just one of them if I wanted because in the end, they're all me.

For example say one of you gets anxious about something, can you pinpoint "this is who is feeling anxious" and talk to them to reassure them, or does it feel like ALL of you are anxious and it's just everybody's feeling all at once, and talking to them feels like self-talk?

Yes to both. It's kind of hard to explain how it is Both, but firstly, absolutely we almost always can tell which part is feeling anxious as a whole and usually other parts do step in to help lessen their anxiety and help them soothe and talk through it 100%. If I didn't have that I would loose my mind and that is unironically coming from all of our parts. At this point basically everyone in our system is so deeply supportive and looking out for one another and it's really the only way a lot of us have been able to find any peace with how each individual part tends to be such a huge extreme and prone to bouts of really bad self care or maladaptive behavior when left on their own. So we really rely on each other to call each other out, support each other, step in when a part is struggling and cover for one another. Even as a unified whole, its very essential to be looking out for one another and being diligent over eachother's needs - it just kind of comes from a much "higher up" kind of eagle-view lens than a 'on the ground lens' for a lack of better words.

We keep an eye out for each other through a sort of collective lens rather than independently from disconnected views. And so we do notice when one part is agitated or on their shit and usually we can shift around parts to support and help regulate that part as they need. And we do still talk out loud, and it is both to ourselves and to the part at the same time and it feels both like self-soothing and like soothing another person and like being soothed by another person. The best thing is that you get both the joy and dopamine of being a supportive person for someone you care about AND the warmth and dopamine of being supported by someone you care about at the same time.

I never feel alone with myself.

Do any of you (especially those who have tended to be more different from the rest of the system) feel like you've lost any of yourself and the things that make you you, when you're fused?

Naaaah. We have the side system that is usually sleeping both when we are a whole and when we aren't that does sometimes - when fronting - feel out of place a bit because our life is not as centered around those parts being largely engaged parts of ourselves but even they wouldn't say they are "lost" at all

I mean to some degree, it might be somewhat because we are buddhist and don't really believe in the "concept of self / I / me" and don't really define ourselves in any way other than "whatever I am right now", but we just get to do and be everything all at once. Everyone is still here and everyone here can really just become the prominent part or even a completely dominant part and they will be 100% in their natural glory. Riku's disgusting optimism and stubbornness is still here. XIV's loud and obtuse opinionated ass is here. Chunn's "what do you mean you don't do weed you act stoned 24/7" headass is here. Lucille's lack of ability to respond to a tease in a way that doesn't make it funnier is still here. It's just kinda like we can just toggle whats expressed the most at any time.

From what I've heard its actually pretty similar? It's pretty hard to tell what with how complex internal experiences are and how you can only really communicate them through the limited confines of human speech and language, but from what I've read it seems to be pretty common with a lot of people who have reached final fusion.

I do think our perspective on self and life has a large impact on how we like to perceive and operate ourself because - between being AAPI and a buddhist - we have a very very very low value and concern for the concept of identity and individuality and largely do embrace a very fluid, open and ever changing idea of self. As part of our own life perspective and self care and practice, we do actively put effort to removing the concept of "I" and individualism from our lives because we find it just tends to cause more stress than its worth (and also play into the hands of capitalism and just a lot of things we hate about Western American society but I am gonna SMOTHER the XIV brain that wants to go off on that because its NOT the point of this post) so in THAT sense

I do think there is an element of "uniqueness" to the way we operate due to our very core value for fluidity, removal of the concept of "I", and active intent to practice appreciating and enjoying the world as parts of a whole not only in terms of DID but as a part of the world. The way we interact with our DID is about the same way we like to interact with the world and try to interact with the people in our lives, so those sorts of things are non-negligible aspects of how final fusion and functional multiplicity work for us compared to others that might not have as much of an approach to life.

At the core I think it's basically the same, we just enjoy a different perspective in life that tends to also reflect a lot in how we experience ourselves and our symptoms.

Before? Absolutely. Especially when we were first figuring it out and trying to learn how to hold Fei longer AND willingly re-seperate if we wanted to. It was actually absolutely terrifying at first because we had spent our whole life being specific parts and a lot of us were kind of terrified on what it would be like if anything got botched or screwed up or if only some parts fused and others didn't and it ruined the stability and synergies we had built up and god, the anxiety and catastrophization of it all is endless.

It used to be TERRIFYING and there were times we struggled to re-seperate when we wanted to (ironically in periods of high stress a lot of the time) and it did cause us some distress, but over time we kind of learned to just... relax and stop worrying as much about it and just trust in ourselves - more specifically ourselves as Fei. Cause I think in some way or form, us being anxious about not being able to re-divide kind of made us panic throw up partial walls between each other which did seperate us SOME but more than anything just made it harder to fluidly flow between parts which then resulted in us just getting stuck with one-part-dominant Fei. Which is what sometimes caused what we would call "fused-stuck" which feels a lot like being front stuck, but as a fused whole when you can't really properly utelize the other parts you are fused with. It was HORRIBLE, I hated it, but kinda like being frontstuck it passes with time and we just kinda had to go "this too will pass and we will eventually be able to regain our fluidity" and lo and behold, eventually we did gain that fluidity back as well as the ability to just be one specific part should we really want to.

That said, these days? No not really. To some level, yeah it is because I don't think it would really scare us much these days. I don't really necessarily like the idea of being forever fused, but I wouldn't really say it 'scares' us to think about it. Eh maybe a bit from certain parts, cause like right now like maybe 80% of my brain is "ehhh itd suck but itd be fine" and like 20% goes "uhhhh actually" and like at least the Riku part in our brain is going "UHH" so... XD

But even then, that's just when we think about it too long cause certain parts are prone to catastrophizing and thinking about all the horrible ways that could go whereas us - as a whole - are a little better at acknowledging the unforseeable benefits that could also come from it.

For the most part though, the reason it's a "no" is just cause we really just... don't think about it. It's not really something on the forefront of our mind or even like, the middlefront of it. We have a lot of things going on in our life and a lot of things we enjoy and things we enjoy a lot less but are important and it just... doesn't occur to us 98% of the days anymore.

I know people say that you don't lose anything or anyone when a fusion happens, but the fact is, no one involved in the fusion exists in the same way they used to anymore after it happens. (Or so my understanding of it is.) And that's a very scary and painful thing to think about for us right now.

Eh, yes and no - at least in my experience. It's less about parts being the same way or not the same way as they were before in any real way of "morphing" or changing or anything like that and a lot more of just... existing in a wider lens. Kinda think of it like a really detailed painting of sorts. When you are individual parts dissociated from eachother, you can look really really closely at a specific aspect of the art. You can look at how the artist used brush strokes on the specific flower and the hues and you can really appreciate that very close and specific view. Sometimes you can look at another part really closely and remember what the other corner looked like and there is a lot of deep and intricate analysis and appreciation that can come from those close views. The issue is, with those really close up views, its hard to appreciate both simultaneously and even more harder to appreciate MULTIPLE pieces simultaneously let alone appreciate the art as a whole.

And so for me, fusion is just kind of like stepping away and putting the microscope away and just taking in the complex art and painting as a whole. You can survey and focus - from a distance - at any specific part and you can quickly change between each aspect, compare and contrast them, analyze how the parts of the painting play into an overall narrative and how the styles and ways the art is drawn may reflect upon one another. Every individual part is still there and the comparisons and analysis can still be made from a distance. You just get to see more

And in my experience, sometimes I REALLY just wanna study that flower and how that flower was painted alone, because sometimes that very specific very close up very detailed understanding of a specific part of the art is better than just gazing at the whole thing. And that's the great thing. I can always just pull my microscope back out and hone back in.

Stepping away from the painting and getting a wider view doesn't mean that the flower that was otherwise zoomed in on is suddenly inaccessible.

And I guess the analogy doesn't work perfectly because in practice, sometimes interactions between parts may change other parts but 1) is that not just part of life and living in a social world? People come and go and everyone leaves a little part of themselves with everyone they interact with. Change is inevitable and a beautiful and important part of life and 2) even within the analogy, when you understand more of the full picture, sometimes your understanding of the flower alone will change, and that's okay because the flower is still them. Your understanding just became more complex

That said, I absolutely do still understand the fear and pain from the idea of it. Change is frightening, especially with a history of trauma and especially when you have found peace and safety within the parts in your system. I don't want to invalidate that at all cause yeah, absolutely been there and its horribly terrifying. I've just been doing this for a minute and over time I've just kind of learned to trust that no matter what form and opinions any of the parts have and no matter how they change, all these guys are never not going to be the people I need in my life and they are always going to be there for me, when I need them in the way I need them.

They're always going to be them and I'm gonna ride or die with these assholes so, fuck it man. If they turn into a 20ft tall tarantula tomorrow or a worm, I'd still love them and trust that even as a worm they'd still ride or die to support me.

Yeah thats a completely fair and valid place to be and honestly where we were for years of our healing journey. I think the most anyone can do with something that feels terrifying and is a bit unnatural / untrue to how they currently feel in life is to ask themselves to TRY to be open to an idea. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that currently it scares you and that currently its not something you are ACTUALLY open to the thought of cause thats fine and fair. Being scared, being not ready, and being unable to genuinely consider it are all completely normal feelings and feelings can't really be forced to change or appear in a specific way. Recovery is a huge and long journey and as much as everyone would love for things to just "be right" and have the "healthy mindset", that stuff takes time to authentically and genuinely develop. As long as there is a slightly creaked open door to be willing to let new experiences naturally flow in, I'm sure you'll get to a place that is healthy, happy and comfortable for you.

Whether or not that is final fusion, functional multiplicity, wishiwashi, or something completely out there beyond my fathoming is far beyond anything I could say cause recovery can take you wild places with it's ways of getting you to a place that makes you happy, but whatever form it takes, you'll get there. It might suck and struggle and be scary at times, but you'll get there - just don't judge yourself for not being able to fit into a specific direction or specific way of thinking or fitting into some standards.

Follow your authentic self and expression and I'm sure you'll find what works for you and what is right for you, even among the chaos. ^^

Anywayyyys, that's another long post to reply to your long ask XD It was a nice chat and ramble so thanks for the ask. I kinda like talking about this stuff so its much appreciated

PS: I will almost* never complain about a long ask, anyone that following this blog knows I post replies that are like 10 pages long for a question like "do you like cheese" because I go on so many tangents and have a lot of thoughts on everything and just like Thinking About Things.

(* = I do not wish to underestimate the power of weird tumblr users /neutral)

#alter: fei #final fusion #functional multiplicity #wishiwashi recovery #ask #asks #did #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #long post #i rarely tag that #but between the ask and my response #it is a LONG post

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gemsofgreece · 8 months

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https://dasarxeio.com/2023/08/28/128302/

Did you see this article? I am so devastated by the destruction that has happened in Dadia. It's so horrible a part of me cannot even process it :((

You know, I have stopped talking about this because it affects me. It gets to my well-being. On one hand the pain is so great, on the other hand I feel like we should be punished for all our political choices, all our problematic mindsets and indifference and chaotic selfish attitude and lack of organisation and foresight and poor system of justice that count decades at this point. We need the punishment until the lesson gets learned. At the same time, if I think about it, my eyes water about the forest and the animals and all the people living near it or holding it close to their hearts.

The national woodland of Dadia has been burning for 13 days now. The professor of forest studies in the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki has warned that the forest will need 100-150 years to return to its original form, so none of us will live to see it. Some won't see it again like they once did and the rest won't ever see what it was like. Dadia was one of Europe's most important ecosystems, being home to many endangered bird species, especially super rare vultures. We have no idea what happened to them. Either they are dead or they will never return.

Dadia was the pride of the region of Evros. It's gone. Estimations are that 150,000 hectares are gone and we keep going. The fire has been characterised as officially the worst fire in the history of the European Union.

And we generally lose 75,000 hectares every year, most of the animals living in them and 9 people on average. Where is this gonna go? We're not a big country. Not that being a big country would make this better in any way but still. This is not an one time thing. This has become systemic at this point and nobody does anything about it. We can not afford it financially, environmentally, emotionally, mentally. We can't.

And again. 90% OF IT IS NOT DUE TO CLIMATE CHANGE. IT'S EITHER ORGANISED CRIME OR WIDE INDEPENDENT CRIMINAL ACTIVITY. It is getting confirmed and proved again and again. At this point it is even admitted by the Greek government. Dadia in particular was targeted last year as well. Climate change can't always happen in Dadia every year, the northernmost and thus a humid and cold region compared to the average of the country!!!!

And yet the Greek state sits and watches. We must always remember that the Greek state for some reason dismantled the Firefighting sector of the Forest Service in the 90s and has made the standard city firefighting service responsible for forest fires. We are the only country with flammable ecosystems like ours that does this globally. And despite what happens every year, we do not correct this.

And you know the most maddening stuff. We have a lot of personell and we also spend more money than the average for the firefighting expenditures!!!!!!!!!!!! About 1.5 billion every year and we are the worst at it in Europe. Like... I can't make coherent thoughts anymore.

I can't talk about this more right now, I am sorry. Nothing I can say will make any difference anyway. The only thing I can hope and pray for is that speculations and predictions will prove to be pessimistic as nature is always so much stronger and resourceful than we are.

#greece #coals of greece #literally #wildfires #arson #dadia #evros #thrace #mainland #anon #mail #hide

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evolutionsvoid · 9 months

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The first thing to note is that the Tarasque is not a True Dragon, as it is a mammal and thus completely out of the realm of belonging to that family. I know that will upset some folk, but that is how classifications work! Despite their scaled parts and intimidating shell, they are not reptiles, and thus not True Dragons. As I said, they are a mammal species, one that possesses a bulky, spiky shell, a wicked long tail and six legs. I will also point out that having six limbs does not automatically make you a True Dragon either, which is insane that I have to argue against that idea. Some folk have gotten it into their heads that only real dragons have six limbs: your four legs, two wings scenario. They will prattle on and on about differences between dragons, wyverns, wyrms, and what not, all on the basis of how many appendages they have. Oh, is it that easy then? Well, has anyone notified the ants yet of their apparent dragonhood? What of the beetles? Or shall I say, beetle dragons?! Goodness, why don't I graft myself two extra arms onto myself and become a dragon! It's that easy! What a load of rot. If we followed such guidelines, the whole classification system would be in shambles. May I remind you that not all True Dragons actually have six limbs? Some only have four, or two, or even none at all! You may think this impossible, as how can a classified group such as this have such wild variation, but my I point your attention to the lizards. Lizards can have four or two or no legs, this is because they are either lost or extremely reduced. Same thing is what has happened to the True Dragons, starting with six and then whittling it down as they have split and adapted to new ecosystems and lives. Now I must cease this discussion now before it consumes the entire entry! Now where were we?

The Tarasque is quite the beast, with its appearance making it very obvious on why it has been included in so many legends and tales. They walk upon six, clawed limbs, carrying a massive spiked shell on their back. Their whole body hangs with shaggy green hair, making it look like they dress themselves with grass or swamp weeds. Their tail is long and prehensile, able to strike like a serpent with its wicked point. The head is horned and ends with a feline muzzle. Some folk think it looks like an absolute monster, while others believe it was cobbled together from random leftover parts. Turtle shell, lion head, snake-like tail and what not. No matter what you feel, the Tarasque is a real creature, and it can be found in temperate climates, particularly around forests and water bodies. Rivers, lakes and ponds are favorites, and typically one Tarasque will claim an entire pond to itself, or large portions of a lake or river. When they find a good place to call home, they dig holes in the ground to act as their nest, or perhaps claim a nearby cave. The hole isn't anything impressive compared to what most people think, just a round chunk of missing earth where they can rest themselves so only the shell is exposed. They will do the same in water, lying in the shallows with only their shell and nose poking out. Though they are massive and bulky, they are quite slow. Tarasques do not believe in doing anything fast. Or at least 90% of the Tarasque thinks so.

When you lay your eyes upon the Tarasque, one shudders to think what they eat. Such a fearsome look and size must mean a vicious appetite! Only knights and virgins for this beast, they will eat nothing else! I really don't know why legends write like that, it is really weird. Human tales would make you believe there is a whole swathe of animals on this earth that eat nothing but fair maidens. They partake in virgophagy! I am sure there is some kind of hidden message or subtext to all this, but I can't (or refuse to) wrap my head around it. No, Tarasques are omnivores, and not very picky ones at that. Anything they can get their claws on is good enough. Or rather, whatever their tail can take down. Though the beast is slow, their tail moves at a different speed then the rest of them, moving like an angry snake and striking as if it had fangs. It writhes and dances through the air, guided by the nose and ears, waiting for prey to get close. Since they move so slow and hide in water, they blend in with their environment, allowing thirsty creatures to come to them. When prey gets close, the tail whips forward and jabs them. If the prey is small, they will probably die from impalement, but if they are big, they will flee with a simple flesh wound.

It should be noted that the tail of the Tarasque has no venom glands, yet it is poisonous. The Tarasque's mouth drips with poison, with it riding on their very breath. They frequently anoint their own tails with it, which is capable of absorbing this toxin and saving it for the hunt. Prey that is pierced by them shall fall victim to this poison, perishing within the hour. At that point, the Tarasque follows the trail and scent to its fallen prey and enjoys! In some cases, if the head of the animal is close to where the Tarasque is hiding, they may simply rise up and belch out a poison cloud. When they inhale it, the effects work fast and cause prey to stumble and falter. This is typically enough for it to rise from its resting position and finish the job with tooth and claw.

It should be noted that they don't always hunt food like this, as sometimes the Tarasque is open to easier meals. Scavenging carcasses is an option, as well as munching on fallen fruits nuts or whatever they can dig up with their claws. When in water, they often scour the bottom for any goodies buried in the muck. It is jokingly said that their diet of muddy lake plants, fish and carcasses is what makes their breath so deadly. A joke more fitting for a cockatrice, I would say, but that's just me ruining the fun.

The tails and teeth are not just for hunting, but for protecting itself and its territory. Tarasques stake out large chunks of forest and river, and they don't like any other sizeable beast getting in their way. If another Tarasque comes poking around, their anger is terrifying to behold. They rise from the water like some kind of leviathan, their spikes changing to a violent red, and they let out a powerful roar. The two will do battle, trading claw swipes, tail stabs and crushing bites until a victor is decided. Whoever wins gets the spot, and the other must limp off in defeat. This nature is also why Tarasque are so infamous and feared, as they aren't the only species that wants these waters. Fisherman, traders and recreational boaters will find that a Tarasque is an ornery landlord that won't hesitate to take you out if you disturb them. They are particularly troublesome when it comes to rivers, because folks upstream can easily float down into Tarasque territory without knowing it. It may be smooth sailing for miles and hours at end, but then you unknowingly hit the one section of river that has a waiting Tarasque and that ominous shell begins to rise up before you. Tarasques that are infamous in certain regions can be easily identified by their scarred shells, where it is obvious that no claw did this, but rather the impact of a boat as the beast attacked the intruder. They typically capsize boats by getting in their path or ramming them, then use tail, tooth and claw to finish off floundering passengers. Those who seek to slay them will face heavy armor, thick fur and a poisonous breath. Don't think you can easily out maneuver them, because that tail makes up for their slow pace. You wouldn't believe how many stories have slayers on horseback thinking they can run circles around the creature, only to have their horse killed with a tail stab and the fallen riders instantly being shredded by horrible claws. It makes for a terrifying tale, but a frustrating one too.

Despite their anger and terrible appearance, Tarasque are rather smart animals. They may not exude this intelligence constantly, but they have been shown to learn and recognize. Most notably, they appear to remember people and smells, and create associations with it. While the stories love to paint them as vicious monsters, there are some local folk who claim that they can use the waters of the nearby Tarasque without incident. If one visits these territories enough and do not disturb the beast, it may not perceive them as a threat. If one brings offerings of food, then that is even better! Some fishermen say that they always share their catch with the Tarasque, which allows them to fish their waters in peace. Other villages see them as guardians of the water, preventing evil and outsiders from ruining this resource. Further study has indeed shown that Tarasques can recognize individuals and form these bonds. It seems their territorial nature is not triggered by human-sized beasts, but said creatures in a large boat does push that over the line. Once you get inside a sizeable vessel, you now look like something bigger and more intimidating, which causes them to attack. This is unfortunate, because you can easily see how things go wrong here. Locals live around Tarasque territory in peace, with no incident, but then someone blunders in with a boat or no respect of boundaries and angers the beast. It kills them and suddenly we have calls for slayers to do their job. It doesn't help that water is kind of a big deal for a lot of folk. You can't just leave these places alone, people need to eat, drink and live! As the number of people and dryads go up, so does the expansion towards any unclaimed body of water, which probably has a Tarasque in it, which means problems could arise. Do I blame anyone for this? No, I can't. Okay, well actually, in some scenarios I can. I have heard stories of rich idiots looking to hunt these creatures for the clout, and then they die horribly and suddenly the whole family tree wants revenge. Utter nonsense, all of it.

These encounters and attacks give the Tarasque a fearsome reputation, when they can actually be pretty reasonable under the right circumstances. A peace can be made, we just have to put in the efforts to do it! But since enough people have died and enough fishing businesses have had their bottom lines ruined by an ornery Tarasque, there are plenty of stories to go around about how horrible and monstrous they are. So much so, that I have heard some takes of this species being that they are these ultimate monstrosities of pure destruction, abominations destined to devour the whole world. Where do people come up with this stuff?! Is this why people want to tie them to dragons? To just hate them more?! It's like a gall in my side! Some folk need to find more productive things to do with their words!

Now some may say, "well don't worry, Chlora, there are a bunch of other stories about Tarasques being nice and reasonable! I am sure that off sets the damage, right?" I appreciate the comforting words, but I don't think they do enough to really sway the public on this. Also, I know what story you all are thinking off. Of the fair maiden who befriended an angry Tarasque that was terrifying a nearby village. Thing was killing and eating fishermen and travelers who boated on the river, and she tried to put a stop to it. Went out there on her lonesome to bring it offerings of food and kindness. Took a while, but she eventually developed a bond with it. Legend says they were such a close pair that she actually led it into town to show the people how peaceful it had now become. The townsfolk responded to this by stoning and spearing the creature to death. When it died without fighting back, the folk wept over the tragedy and their hearts changed that day. Folks point to this tale to show how people can be swayed, and that eventually the fearful folk will learn the true nature of this beast. I look to this tale and think it would be a more heartwarming story if they changed their minds before they beat the poor thing to death.

Chlora Myron

Dryad Natural Historian

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More dragons! Or "dragons," shall we say. Well, here it is "dragons," but I am sure in others it is dragon. You know what I mean!

#tarasque #monster #creature #art #drawing #mythical beasts #mythical creatures

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anim-ttrpgs · 9 months

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Eureka: A lot of bang for your buck!

As mentioned in an earlier post, the rulebook for Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is on the longer side of the indie-TTRPG spectrum, coming in at about 230 pages at the time of writing this.

The rulebook dedicates about the first 90 pages to what we would probably call the “core gameplay”: That is, looking for clues, gathering evidence, drawing conclusions, talking to people, making plans, etc. as well as what each Skill and Trait does and how to create a normal player character.

The next 75 or so pages are dedicated entirely to combat.

Characters are fairly fragile in Eureka compared to most TTRPG PCs—they might even be more fragile than Call of Cthulhu PCs—and this serves to realistically and organically discourage a shoot-first-question-later style of play. However, we knew that making the PCs this easy to kill meant that we had to give the combat systems within the game a lot of depth to match, to give the PCs and their players a good degree of agency in the fight, or else they’d just be going along until wham the party is dead after one bad roll and it’s game over before they know it.

The combat rules in Eureka are deep but not overly complex. It��s less about determining the exact right turn to utilize a special ability that synergizes with the rest of the party’s special abilities, and more about positioning, planning around the environment, and striking first. This still uses the same 2D6 system as everything else—except for when automatic firearms come into play, then it’s D12s for a little extra randomness and because it’s easier to roll 10 D12s than 10 pairs of D6s—so you won’t need to really learn a whole new set of rules just to have a fight. Just keep track of the effective range of each category of firearm and how many bullets your character has left!

I’m actually personally very proud of Eureka’s firearm combat rules. They manage to create a very realistic simulation of a real shootout, organically encouraging realistic tactics and strategy without devolving into a slow grind where every character’s turn takes five minutes of math and re-checking the rulebook to resolve. After that, there’s a brief set of instructions on how to convert an adventure module not originally made for it to work well with the Eureka system. This chapter is only a few pages long because it really is that simple!

And then the last section in the book is dedicated to making and handling PCs that are a bit...less normal. This is about 60 pages, and covers the bulk of Eureka’s actual supernatural lore, and instructions on how to use that lore to create supernatural player characters that fit into that lore.

We’ve gone into this more in-depth in another earlier post, but let me give a simple rundown anyway: There is no “masquerade” in the world of Eureka, no grand conspiracy by either the mundane government nor a secret supernatural government to cover up the existence of vampires and werewolves and fairies and the like, in fact there is no secret supernatural government. Supernatural creatures are simply so rare as to mainly just fly right under the radar of most modern science, with actual sightings being considered the stuff of tabloid trash and unscientific sensationalism by most academic minds. So obscure are these instances of the supernatural that a vampire might not even believe in werewolves, or a werewolf in vampires. They may have even never met another one of their kind in-person. As for why these individuals don’t just get on camera and tell the world that they exist... well, the ones they have the less dangerous magical powers could usually be shown-up by a mundane stage magician in Vegas. Yeah right you can start fires with your mind, I bet you just have a remote ignition switch in your pocket!

And then the ones that have more impressive magical powers, like literally transforming completely into a bat, well, those guys tend to also eat people, so it’s really in their best interest to keep that to themselves, in case anyone comes asking questions about what happened to the neighbors and all those delivery guys....

Perhaps one of the most interesting mechanics here is how supernatural characters like these must not only keep their secrets from the world at large, but the rest of the party too! These PCs’ supernatural status is a secret from everyone except their player and the game master, and they must find ways to dodge their supernatural weaknesses, exert their powers, and take a few bites out of a victim all without alerting anyone else in the party or at the table to their true nature.

Follow @anim-ttrpgs for updates and look for Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy on Kickstarter later this year!

#eureka: investigative urban fantasy #eureka #monsters #vampires #rpg #ttrpg #indie games #indie ttrpg #indie rpg #magic #kickstarter #combat #firearms #guns #rulebook #roleplaying #tabletop role-playing game

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brdpch · 1 year

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{2} a game of cats, mice and hearts like ice

desktop: previous ✧ next mobile: previous ✧ next

synopsis: a very smart cat meets a very cunning mouse who claims his life as hers.

warnings: canon-typical violence, graphic descriptions of violence, sexual abuse, substance abuse, niragi, literally everything, you name it.

formatting: it's a glued-together dynamic roleplay between me and @bvrdel-mama, so the replies are separated by ♠♥♦♣, and the dialogues are written like — This. — yes, the symbols look horrible on mobile - we'll try to fix that in the future. or not. who knows.

statistics: 3,704 words 20,232 characters.

songs used: kesha - take it off; pop evil - boss's daughter.

author's note: part two, yay!

Shuntarō thought that it would be unwise to make his intentions known or he may be in Niragi's proverbial and literal crosshair in the future, so he only smirked once more and lifted his hands up in a mocking gesture of defiance.

♠♥♦♣

Before Hatter could even make a step, Niragi already stood up and walked over to the door, seeing that nobody had any objections - or, if they had, no one dared to speak up.

Good.

For now, the girl belonged to him, and he wanted everyone to know that if someone brings her into the conversation, it would be him. He found her, he claimed her as his own.

There was a slight pause without him, and it seemed like the tension in the room easied a little, but it didn't take long for the pierced man to walk over with his arm around the girl's waist.

And there she was.

Her frame was tiny compared to Niragi, and Chishiya took notice of the fact that even on her platform sandals he was still a bit taller than her - and that was unusual. Her waist was small, her legs pretty long, her thighs thick. She wasn't thin - she was skinny, but made sure her bikini showed off what's best in her - high waisted black shorts and rather a top than a bikini bra made her look appealing. No wonder why Niragi looked at her like he was hungry and kept her so close, his fingers playing on her skin, on the edge of her bikini bottoms for everyone to see.

Despite days being sunny in the middle of, well, summer, Unmei's skin was unusually pale, like even a single golden ray couldn't reach her. She looked around with a curious gaze of sapphire eyes, but when her head shifted towards Niragi, looking at him like he's the love of her life, playful smile on her full pink lips, the light played with the irises making them gray but so bright they looked almost white, like ice.

She had a silver septum hoop and some more piercings in her ears. When it came to jewelry, she also had a 90s tattoo choker with a silver cat's bell that rang with her every movement.

Well, that was definitely a match.

— Hello. — she spoke in fluent Japanese, without any accent that suggested her country of origin. Her voice was soft and sweet, and honey dripped from her lips, as she greeted the executives. — It's such an honor being here, thank you. — she bowed lightly, a cultural Japanese gesture. She knew where she is and what to do.

— So, babe, — it was Niragi who yet again cut Hatter off. — Whatcha think? Wanna join us and help with leading those headless sheep down there?

The pierced man nodded towards the window; behind the glass, two floors down, most of The Beach members were partying and chilling in the pool, drinks in their hands, drugs in their system, music in their ears.

It was almost like Mira looked in the mirror, and it was so easy to spot that Unmei had the same look of mixed innocence and cleverness. Oh, so maybe she wasn't that good of a wolf.

Unmei bit her lower lip.

— Well, yes, of course, and it's such an honor. — she assured, but frowned, turning her gaze back to Niragi, like she was too shy to speak to the rest of the group. Her figure shrank, hiding into her lover's protective posture. — …but I'm afraid of messing up. I'm really new to this, and I'm unsure if I'm a good fit, especially since I haven't been to many games…

— That could be easily fixed! — exclaimed Hatter, clapping his hands to turn all of the attention to him. — See, Unmei, we often supervise the games of soon-to-be executives. Niragi obviously likes you, so excuse me if I forbid him from being a supervisor, but are there any other volunteers?

♠♥♦♣

There was no point in voicing any objections as it seemed as the stance of everybody in the room was democratically chosen to be the same. Chishiya's gaze followed Niragi as he stood up and opened the door presenting his new treasure, his new partner in crime.

Shuntarō took her in as she entered the executive's meeting hall. And there was a lot to take in... unconventional beauty choices - piercings, the choker - it was all so vulgar and so culturally inappropriate. But... so was wearing eyeliner and bleaching your hair, he smirked. Right now though, she and Nigari seemed like a perfect match there standing next to each other. Her almost leaning into him, playful smile on her face, coy but alert eyes analyzing body language of each and every executive member gathered in the hall. It was so obviously an act it was painful for him to watch. The use of the traditional Japanese cultural bow from a foreigner's side was a nice touch, definitely working on some of the executives. Japanese people are known to be wary of foreigners and even if the world as they know went to shit, it was still deeply rooted into their subconsciousness.

Shuntarō smirked and laughed to himself quietly when she tried to make herself small in front of these people by diminishing her impressive achievement - a seven of diamonds. A wolf recognizes a wolf dressed in sheep's clothing - and oh, she was very good at playing both parts. Shuntarō was intrigued even more now, she could be a really really good addition to his plan.

Hatter's clap brought Chishiya back from the darkness of his cold, analytical mind and his eyes snapped to Unmei's face. He clenched his jaw at the question, there was a short pause before anyone spoke. Her achievement was impressive but she spoke herself - she didn't play many games and the more senior members and those who fell for her cute-sy, unsure persona might be taken aback by a possibility of taking a newbie under their wing.

Shuntarō slowly raised his left hand, tilting his head and looking into her gray, cold eyes. He then exclaimed in the most uninterested tone ever:

— My visa ends in 2 days anyways, might as well kill two birds with one stone.

♠♥♦♣

Ice cold gaze melted with each word Chishiya spoke, making Unmei lean even more into Niragi's embrace, much to the taller man's enjoyment.

— Really? I'm so, so, so glad! — she clasped her hands, a thankful expression on her face. — I've heard you have so much experience, I'll definitely be safe with you, right?

Her last question wasn't directed at Chishiya at all - she looked straight at Niragi, like she was looking for a confirmation... or maybe an order. Niragi hated Chishiya, so putting his little partner in crime into a game with him could end up badly. But here's the deal - it's such a thrill to try to check it by themselves.

Niragi, on the other hand, looked suspiciously pleased with Chishiya's offer.

Maybe she wasn't a wolf in sheep's clothing. Maybe she was an obedient, naïve lamb.

♠♥♦♣

Shuntarō put his hand down, his gaze ping-ponging between the Hatter, Niragi and Unmei. The woman was too... intense for his liking now, but if his suspicions are correct and they usually are, she can and will eventually calm down or reveal the colder side he sees.

The psychopath smiled at the possibility of Chishiya supervising the new girl. Why? - Shuntarō narrowed his eyes at him for a brief second. It seemed like for now she listened to his every word, and spoke directly to Niragi even though the question asked by her suggested being directed to Chishiya. Was he trying to learn what Chishiya's planning through her? It made him slightly nervous but in a thrilled way - a conflict on a horizon, one he could spin around and use to his advantage.

Chishiya leaned in his chair and smirked at Niragi, answering the questions asked through him.

— No one's ever really safe here, you should already know that, but I'll try to bring you back alive to the best of my ability.

♠♥♦♣

The perceptive eyes of the blonde man noticed some more details on the woman, for example - lots of faded, barely visible scars on her thighs, suggesting either knife play, or that she had a history of self-harm in one of the most noticeable places - like she was seeking attention. Anyway, what a girl with short pink hair would be longing for, if not being noticed? Even if the dye faded, she still dressed vulgarly, with smudged black eyeshadow and eyeliner and her lashes covered in a thick layer of mascara. No wonder why of all people, she piqued Niragi's interest.

Abusive men - so what, she had daddy issues? Probability was indeed very high.

She listened to Chishiya's every word - even if she looked at Niragi with her pupils shaped into hearts, metaphorically, it was obvious. When she turned back to Shuntarō, her sugar covered lips curved into a flirtatious smile.

— Alright, if no one has any questions, the meeting's dismissed. — it was Hatter who finally broke the acts of shameless public displays of affection, and most of the executives decided to leave as soon as possible. It was uncomfortable to watch as Unmei clinged onto Niragi, and the way he let her do it - although it was something new, he never allowed it with his other toys.

♠♥♦♣

Shuntarō scanned her body closer, the cute façade hid pretty dark experiences beneath the surface - either an abusive past or a knack for masochism. Pink dyed hair - a symptom of attention deficit or perhaps of a not-giving-a-fuck-what-anyone-thinks kind of attitude.

And when she smiled at him, there was something devious about the smile, Chishiya thought. He returned the gesture, although it was the kind of smile someone gives another person when they feel bad for them - a condescending one if you will.

Hatter closed the meeting and the hall began to empty, he was one of the last ones to leave, still analyzing Unmei and all of the possible advantages her presence in his plans could give him. When passing by the two love birds he nodded politely, closing his eyes when doing so.

— I'll find you later. — he said matter-of-factly to the girl - it sounded almost like a challenge or a threat. Like she was supposed to hide from the blond man.

♠♥♦♣

If Unmei noticed the thoughts behind Chishiya's smile, she didn't show it at all, instead tilting her head slightly, like she's a little bit stupid. If she was as smart as Shuntarō thought, why would she continue playing dumb, especially when Niragi couldn't see the face she was making towards the blonde?

when the dark of the night comes around that's the time

As he was leaving, Unmei waved him goodbye with her fingers in a coquette-like mannerism.

— I'm sure you will~ — she hummed, her attention focused back on Niragi.

that the animal comes alive lookin' for somethin' wild

For now, she wasn't hard to spot. Evenings at The Beach were pretty predictable, and so were Niragi's habits - and as he sat there, on the sunbed, Unmei's legs on his own (he held her thigh, massaging the inner part of it), the party continued as always.

and now we lookin' like pimps in my gold trans am

Foreigner looked a bit bored, maybe pouty, while Niragi kept chatting with various Beach members including the militants and the idealists. Her glass was never empty, but even after drinking alcohol she seemed unhappy with the turn of events. What came next was either done out of boredom, or for a show - who could know, but she must've had enough of current activities, getting up and pulling Niragi with her.

got a water bottle full of whiskey in my handbag, got my drunk text on

It was probably the first time Niragi let go of his assault rifle in a crowded space, and the first time he danced - it wasn't that he lacked skill, he just didn't let anyone close enough to do so. Each previous girl he had briefly played with was pretty much kept as far as possible, and he didn't care about their entertainment, so that was an unexpected activity, to see him holding Unmei as close as possible while dancing body to body, her back pressed against his chest, her butt rubbing against his crotch, his hands wandering around her exposed skin. It wasn't just the militant saying she belongs to me, no, now she also claimed her position as his precious little treasure, making sure everybody saw it.

i'll regret it in the mornin', but tonight, i don't give a-

So either she needed protection and decided the pierced man was good enough, or she really fell into his trap.

there's a place downtown where the freaks all come around

She had glitter on her cheeks and black lipstick about to be smudged by niragi's lips eventually; her eyes were closed as she rocked her body to the rhythm, killing time before her first game as an official Beach member - and also the first one to decide if she's fit as executive or not.

it's a hole in the wall, it's a dirty free for all

Soon there will be cars and people assigned to drive players with expiring visas around tokyo to destined game arenas, and she just couldn't help but smile at the thought of having to cooperate with Chishiya. But right now, she had Niragi's lips on her neck, and fingers tangled in his hair.

and they turn me on

And yet she was waiting for Shuntarō's appearance, perfectly aware of her surroundings - of the number of people around them, of the number of people staring, of the number of people swimming; the drunk ones, the high ones, the fucked up ones and the fucked ones.

♠♥♦♣

Chishiya chuckled to himself at the display of innocent stupidity mixed with flirtatiousness, put his chin upwards a bit and smirked before turning his gaze to Niragi and giving him a quick glance up and down. He then turned around and ignoring Unmei's attempt at having the last word in this brief conversation exited the hall.

It was too early to say if this Unmei character fit the description of the type of person needed to steal the cards from Hatter. The jury is still out on the verdict if she could be easily manipulated and led where Chishiya wanted her. What would she want?

For now it seemed that all she wanted was to party, get drunk and high as Shuntarō observed her from one of the rooftops dancing by the pool with Niragi. She made him do something impossible - part ways with his assault rifle, however briefly. They danced pressed up against each other, and she sure knew not only how to dress vulgarly, but to act like it too. Niragi's hands sliding across her body incoherently as the alcohol in his system began to work. What could they want from each other? Protection? Maybe it's the situation where one of the predators makes themselves seem small in order to gather protection from a bigger, badder wolf. Sex? Probably. Fun? The psychopath was unpredictable, maybe it gave her the thrill, evoked emotions she rarely felt?

A voice broke his quiet contemplation time. It was Kuina, in her skimpy bikini and a cigarette hanging from her mouth.

— So, you found someone? — she questioned passing Chishiya a bottle of beer.

He took it, opened it on a nearby half-wall and took a sip, looking directly at Unmei, narrowing his eyes. She was grinding on Niragi's crotch. So unnecessarily vulgar, he thought.

— Maybe, too early to tell. - he answered. - I'm supervising her in the next game. I'll know by then. — he said, taking another longer sip of his beer.

♠♥♦♣

She was a stripper, after all. She knew how to dance, how to balance her body against someone else, how to look pretty and feel free while doing so. How many lap dances has she done? Hundreds? Thousands? For how long the pole was her only companion on stage, where curious gazes scanned every inch of her skin?

that girl, she's a loaded gun, gonna take 'em out take 'em one by one

She knew, most importantly - how to entertain the masses, get attention and charm others without even speaking a word. It worked - everybody will be able to recognise her from now on, noticing where she is and where she's not, and if she ever disappeared out of sight, it was easy to tell who is being looked for. and not only because she was from a different country, but also because she embossed herself in their memory.

she knows when she's dressed to kill, she'll put a bullet in your heart just to feel the thrill

Unmei being pretty was a question everybody had to answer themselves, but what she did was cool and she did fit in with the crowd, and that was enough to gain sympathy and somewhat a sense of safety. Acceptance, was the word. She blended in so she could be accepted and perceived as an ally. Clever, perhaps, if those were her true intentions.

she walks like she's walkin' on water, she moves like the boss's daughter

Niragi was sliding his hands through her belly down her shorts, probably just a tease, a threat to those who'd tried to do the same. And then the music stopped, the speakers invited The Beach members to the lobby. Unmei didn't care - her eyes closed for a few more moments, as she sang the rest of the song, still holding Niragi. He was about to part their bodies, but she held him. And he obeyed.

— She rides like a '67 chevy, in her drop top red and white and blue; ohh, what she does to me - with her long dark hair and her sexy thighs, baby, let me come inside~

— We gotta move, babygirl. — Niragi insisted, before she could continue, and she smiled at him so innocently, letting him guide her to the main hall where the real party started.

Hatter was known for his motivational speeches, but Unmei clung to Niragi's arm as the chaos after them emerged - people pushing others to get to the parking lot, correct cars, holding pieces of paper for random teams they had been assigned. It was Chishiya who was supposed to look for Unmei, so she took her sweet time waiting next to a pillar in the corner of the space, letting the militant press her to the cold wall and whisper sweet nothings onto her ear.

♠♥♦♣

Kuina went to sit down next to Chishiya on the half-wall. The blond man raised his pointer finger of the hand he was holding his beer in, highlighting the pair of love birds on the dancefloor for his companion. They were tangled in each other's bodies, definitely the center of attention, displaying themselves for everyone to see.

— There, the woman with blonde hair. — Chishiya said, leaning into Kuina's space.

Kuina narrowed her eyes and observed Niragi and Unmei for a brief moment.

— Girl, Niragi? There are choices we make, but this... this is a choice. — she chuckled looking at Chishiya, as if for confirmation.

Shuntarō shrugged and looked at Kuina.

— It's a smart choice. He's well situated within Hatter's inner circle, everyone is afraid of him, and he never parts ways with his gun. — he answered, not confirming Kuina's way of thinking. — Although he is revolting, it's a smart choice to wrap someone like that around your finger, and I'm sure he sees some uses in her as well. — he added.

After Chishiya uttered those words the speakers' blasting music transformed into Hatter's personal voice amplifiers. He sure did like to make a loud entrance, and just like the girl dancing seductively against the crotch of a psychopath with an assault rifle - he liked attention. Everyone was called into the main hall and Chishya knew it was his cue. He nodded at Kuina and patted her back and soon he was walking down the stairs and walking towards the pair pressed against each other next to a pillar.

They seemed to be briefly occupied with themselves not noticing him when he walked up so he stood there for a solid minute, before clearing his throat.

— You ready to go or do you need a couple more minutes of privacy? — he asked. — Although I doubt we've got time for that. — he added, tilting his head.

♠♥♦♣

Unmei might've noticed Chishiya, he could swear she glanced in his direction for a brief second, but either ignored him, or really didn't see him. Patting softly on Niragi's back, the stripper made her partner pull back, although reluctantly, and then smiled apologetically at her supervisor.

— Sorry! — she chirped, giggling softly. — Got really caught up in the moment. It's been a while since I could connect to someone on such... personal level.

When she spoke, there was something ominous in her gaze, like she was not only posing a threat, but also foreshadowing an unlucky future ahead. But that was it. On the other hand, Niragi looked at Chishiya like he was about to murder him, not even with his rifle, but with his bare hands. He clenched his teeth, but in the end relaxed when Unmei pressed a soft kiss on his lips. She had to stand on her tiptoes just to reach, pulling on militant's shirt for balance.

The black piece of clothing was soon found on the girl's arms, the white outline of giraffe pattern matching perfectly with her carefully chosen outfit.

— Here, Babe. A good luck charm.

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