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apompkwrites · 3 years

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hi!! I really really REALLY like your blog!! (reminds me of getting a warm hug on a long day ㅠㅠ) can I request for Kaeya, Diluc and Xiao's reaction (in Reader Impact, hehe I love the au) to the trailer of the reader, which is going pretty well, Reader's mischievous and playful as usual until the ending, where it goes dark and all that is heard is a whisper from Reader ("Forgive me, traveller.")? Thank you and take care!! ( ◜‿◝ )♡

reader impact || trailer voiceline

series masterlist characters: diluc, kaeya, xiao genre: fluff summary: when mihoyo decides to release a trailer for the newest update featuring you, they drop an... interesting voiceline. notes: hehe thank you! i'm glad my blog is has a comfy sort of feeling :D

diluc -

diluc is always up for anything related to you.

he doesn't think there's anything that could go wrong with you.

i mean, you've been through a lot already.

surely mihoyo won't do anything more!

...right?

his chat is trying their hardest to not give anything away.

the trailer starts with you at the winery.

you're in front of... that vase.

"i didn't expect you to be here, traveler," you greet, quickly turning away from the vase. there is no verbal response but you still let out a quiet chuckle.

you step away from the stand and walk over to the camera, placing your hand on what is probably the mc's shoulder. you pat it lightly before walking off screen. the shot cuts to you outside in the middle of night, ready with your weapon in hand.

he's having fun watching how your attacks are in terms of the storyline.

like how (if you use a claymore) you heave your weapon around to fight the abyss mages.

he doesn't show it but he comments on how amazed he is at your skills.

not just as a fighter but as person/character in general.

he's ready to talk to chat when the screen turns black.

"please... forgive me, traveler."

...

he doesn't say anything.

he's just dead quiet.

his chat is trying to ask him what's going on.

what does he think of the trailer?

what are his theories?

but they're getting nothing out of him.

he just... needs some time to think.

kaeya -

okay, first off, kaeya keeps wine next to him at all times when he's gaming.

it doesn't matter if it's on stream or off, he'll have at least a bottle next to him.

now then, about your trailer...

it's supposed to be a normal character trailer.

you finally get your own trailer paired with the new version coming out.

so it's pretty much the only thing he was looking forward to.

it starts with you just on-screen in the tavern, drinking what's probably your favorite drink.

"there's the honorary knight," you muse, placing your cup on the table. you trace the rim of it with your finger, staring at the screen with your signature smirk.

the person behind the camera, presumably genshin's mc, says something that prompts you to chuckle and stand up from your chair, holding out your hand.

"let's head out on an adventure, shall we?"

that scene is supposed to take a minute at most.

on-stream, it takes kaeya five to get through that.

he's constantly pausing and flirting with you during those five minutes.

finally, he lets the rest of it play.

basically, you're traveling through the new area and showing off your abilities :D

and then you leave mc behind, your scarf floating behind you as you walk.

the screen fades and he's ready to talk to his chat.

"traveler... forgive me. but this is something i need to finish. for them."

...

"HUH?!"

his cool and calm demeanor vanishes immediately.

he doesn't care that this is the first time he's "broken character" on stream.

he's actually panicking.

he has a small idea of what the newest update will contain.

and he doesn't like it at all.

solution?

time to drink every single wine bottle he has in his home :D

xiao -

xiao... isn't completely excited to see the newest trailer.

you've already had a character trailer and it was really sad.

so how bad will it get now?

with a lot of prompting from his chat, xiao finally hosts a watch party.

so the trailer starts with you at the inn's balcony.

you're sitting on the balcony railing, staring out over liyue. the moon is shining down on you as the camera (mc) walks closer to you.

"traveler," you call out, looking over your shoulder. "what is it?"

you are met with no response from the audience's perspective. in terms of the story, however, mc has most likely said something of note happening in liyue. you respond with a brief nod, disappearing over the railing.

the trailer follows your normal routine, fighting off any monsters that are "tainted by the demonic" as you so lovingly said in your story quest.

xiao is, as always, in awe of you.

from your attacks to your design to your voice, he loves you.

the trailer seems to end with you spinning your weapon in the air.

the screen is black and he's relieved that there wasn't anything bad happening to you.

"traveler... forgive me."

AGAIN?!

WHY?!

WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO YOU?!

"mihoyo. serious question."

he will turn to the camera with a conflicted face.

"w h y ?"

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pedropascalunofficial · 3 years

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Pedro Pascal and Lena Headey

Head to head interview

Hunger Magazine, Issue 6. Released December 28, 2014. Photoshoot October 15, 2013.

Thirteen million. That's the number of people, on average, who tuned into each episode of the third season of Game of Thrones. Among them was Chilean actor Pedro Pascal, who was as enthralled by the sex and slaughter as the rest of us. But little did he know that within a few months he'd be pitching up on the shores of Belfast to join the cast as Oberyn Martell, affectionately known as the Red Viper. Sound ominous? It is. The Red Viper is GoTs newest anti-hero, “sexy and charming but driven by hate”. Sounds like he'll be right at home.

Pedro, on the other hand, though he looks good on paper, wasn't the obvious choice for the role. Expecting a big name to ride into King’s Landing, the show's fans took to forums to express their concerns as soon as the news broke. So is he worried? Like hell he is. “The fans had the part cast in their minds already. They knew who they wanted and it certainly was not me. But I'm not stupid, | presumed that people were going to say ‘who the fuck is this guy’. Since I anticipated the reaction it didn't throw me off.”

“There are so many different ways to go into battle with yourself when you're trying to get a job. I felt a certain amount of pressure because I wanted to make everyone happy. The fan base is so specific and, as a fan myself, I understand the relationship that they have with the show. The Red Viper is the best part I've ever played, and in season four shocks come at the most unexpected times. You might think you know, but you have no idea,” he explains.

Looks like the Red Viper could be in line to fill a Walter-White-sized-hole in television, but to test the theory we pit Pascal against Lena Headey, aka the Queen. Because if you can come away from Cersei unscathed, you can handle anything.

LH: So, Pedro, you come into Game of Thrones in season four, playing a pretty major character. Does that fill you with joy or dread?

PP: I'd say it fills me with joy because it’s a really fucking fun part. He’s a badass. He comes up against a lot of the main characters in the show. I'm very aware of the show. I watch it like a fan.

LH: Were you a fan before you arrived in Belfast?

PP: Yeah, I was a proper fan. I was caught up in the drama of it before I even auditioned for the part. I was already up to speed.

LH: I remember meeting you and thinking, “he fucking loves the show’.

PP: I kissed your ass.

LH: Well, it worked. We're friends now.

PP: I was like a tourist visiting the set, and yet I had to act with you and be in a scene with the characters that I had such a specific association with already.

LH: So you’re saying it’s boring?

PP: No, it wasn’t boring at all. It was extremely, relentlessly surreal.

LH: And who were your favourite characters up until that point?

PP: Not you.

LH: I realise that!

PP: There are too many characters to have a favourite, but I was fascinated by the Lannisters because they're so frightening. They scared me and then you would come in and pull sympathy from your audience somehow, and I found that rather fascinating. The Northerners were so easy to like or get behind, but it was quite something to see people sympathise with a Lannister, after you made people see things from their perspective.

LH: Speaking of being slightly ambiguous as a character, you come in as a major player and a very well-loved character in the eyes of people who read the books, and he’s somewhat of an anti-hero. Did you base him on anyone?

PP: What does an anti-hero mean exactly?

LH: It means he doesn't wear deodorant, doesn't it? [Laughs]. Someone you shouldn't champion, but you do, like Walter White in Breaking Bad.

PP: No, | didn’t really base him on anyone.

LH: Did you take anything from classic movies that you thought you could use and spin to your advantage playing the Red Viper?

PP: God, that’s a good question. I probably did subconsciously. Now I feel under the spotlight because I need to think of somebody, and I have so many in my mind! I think that’s something that is happening a lot in TV today: the anti-heroes are central to these television shows, and people are really getting behind them, even though they're not necessarily the most moral characters. So I'd say that ‘ve become more familiar with the character who's obviously very flawed but gets you on their side — you have complicated feelings about them. But I think I saw the story too much from this character's perspective to perceive any flaws.

LH: He has some.

PP: I know, from the outside. But I don't see any of them. What are his flaws?

LH: His flaws? He's a dirty bastard!

PP: Why is he a dirty bastard? He likes to fucking fight, for sure.

LH: Back to you as an actor. You've done it for a long time and, as we all know, the path is not always golden, and sometimes you think, “fuck it” and you want to leave it and do something else. Have there been moments where you wanted to give up?

PP: Yes, there have been moments where I came very close to giving up. But I never had anything to fall back on. I think you can understand that.

LH: Because were stupid?

PP: We're stupid.

LH: I can't even make pizza!

PP: We don’t have any other skills.

LH: None at all!

PP: And that’s the odd conundrum. You get to a point where you think, “This isn’t going to happen. This isn’t sustainable. I'm too exhausted, and it can't be good for me.” There were moments where I truly did try to formulate an idea of what I'd do. I thought I'd go back to school, start pre-med again and go to medical school or something like that.

LH: But that didn't happen, you just thought about it?

PP: Yes, I'd have thoughts, but it was still fantasy really. But at the time it felt like a practical life plan. Do you know what I mean?

LH: Yeah of course, you need to pay the fucking rent.

PP: Exactly. You just try to escape from the chaos of what you're feeling by trying to create order in your life. Order seems like a solution to save you from the pain of acting!

LH: It's a mental pain. Who was the first person you called when you got the role?

PP: My sister.

LH: Does she watch the show?

PP: Yes, she does.

LH: Pedro Pascal... or Pablo as I called you when I had too much wine, which was deeply insulting.

PP: Even family members have done that to me! Do I look more like a Pablo? Because it happens with about ninety-five percent of the people I meet.

LH: No, I think I’m just an ignorant drunk person.

PP: No, you were an ignorant drunk person that night is what you're saying.

LH: And now I’m educated.

PP: [Whispers] But | want you to call me Pablo.

LH: Ok, Pablo! When you first arrived on set in Northern Ireland, what was your feeling showing up to a bunch of British actors? Did it feel different to doing an American project?

PP: Yes, but I loved it. It wasn’t intimidating. I found it surreal because I’d watched and loved the show. I hadn't had the opportunity to work on something that I was really familiar with before, so it was overwhelming. But it was far more delightful than intimidating. Also you guys were really cool. Everyone was friendly.

LH: Oh, that’s just fake.

PP: Well, you guys were good at it!

LH: We know Game of Thrones is very popular obviously. Do you have any thoughts, or fears, about what this is going to bring you in terms of exposure?

PP: I have hope.

LH: Oh, God. I don’t mean to shatter that, but give it up.

PP: I don’t know really. It’s all been filmed, and now I'm back to my normal routine, so I haven't really thought about it. I remember when we finished filming and we were on our way to the airport, you asked me, “How does it feel you're all done?” and I couldn't really answer.

LH: You were quite emotional that day.

PP: I was very emotional because I’d had such an amazing time doing the part. Also just being there immersed in the experience... You described it to me best. You told me how I'd be feeling.

LH: We don't know your character's backstory when you enter the show, and you have some rather brutal scenes. Anyone who has read the books will know what I’m talking about.

PP: My character comes in, he stirs a bunch of shit up, and then he makes this fucking enormous exit. Now can | ask you a question?

LH: What is it? I’m not going to sleep with you. Give it up.

PP: Oh, come on! This has gone to shit and it’s your fault, so good luck to whoever has to edit it! But anyway, sometimes I'd hang out with the cast members and we'd go to dinner and they would get stopped constantly. There was no denying who they played because they were so recognisable, but you got away with it because you have this beautiful blonde wig on in the show, and in real life you are...

LH: Grey?

PP: {Laughs] No! You have beautiful chestnut hair! Is it liberating to not be recognised the way some of the other cast members are?

LH: Yes, it is liberating.

PP: Liberating being able to walk down an alley in Dubrovnik without being stopped?

LH: Yes, except sometimes | get recognised in the weirdest places. A woman was emptying my bag at Heathrow Airport's security gates and just went, “Are you the Queen?” while rummaging through my underwear. It was so fucking weird.

PP: It seems they're more respectful to you?

LH: Because they're frightened. Wait until they meet the Viper.

PP: Well, that covers it.

LH: I think we're going to get our own show out of this, you know

youtube

Interested in learning more about Pedro? Check out Pedro Pascal Unofficial on Pinterest!

#pedro pascal #lena headey #hunger magazine #shot October 2013 #published December 2014 #game of thrones #queen cersei #prince oberyn #oberyn #oberyn martell #hunger tv

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sunshine-tattoo · 3 years

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For people who think that the Boiling Isles titan is King's father, i think y'all may have misread the history a little.

The island made from the titan has been around for eons.

We know this because there are wild witch ruins in the snowy knees dating back many centuries.

Belos has only been around for about 50 years.

It is impossible he killed the island titan because his rule was too recent.

However. It is possible he killed other titans. Potentially King's father. We don't know.

I personally don't think so because his interest is in reviving the island titan. If he had access to a living one, I doubt he would kill it. But again we just don't know yet.

As for Belos himself, he is mainly a political leader.

His magic is strong but his real power comes from his devoted followers.

How did he get these followers? By solving a problem that existed prior to his rule.

It seems that before Belos, the isles were not united and were under constant tribal warfare.

Covens may have existed, but they were a way to focus one's magical talents, not cut off all other magical abilities.

Belos rose to power the same way as all cruel dictators: he offered a solution to a place's largest problem.

'Follow me and my ways and your family will no longer live in fear of the other tribes.'

So people agreed to it. Not realizing the true scope of what belos was planning.

He creates the coven system so that magic is no longer wild and people can live more orderly lives.

Of course, this also spells death for anyone who does not wish to follow him. Both magical warlords and people like Eda who just want to be left alone.

There is also a very good chance that there are witches out there who remember a time before Belos. 50 years is not a very long time. For us, it's 1971. My mom was in high school then.

Eda and Lilith's parents were probably young adults. That's only like 2.5 generations ago.

I hope we get to meet the witches at some point who survived Belos's takeover, whether by going into hiding or joining the system. It would be really cool to see the island's history from their perspective.

So. Who is Belos? I have two theories.

Theory 1- He is a human who came to the Boiling Isles by accident, like Luz.

This could explain why he has to literally eat magic from palismen in order to survive and stay powerful.

He arrives as a young man, sees the problems of the isles, and decides to take over by exploiting them.

An outsider's perspective could open up many possibilities unseen by the locals.

It would also explain why he stays masked: to hide his ears and lack of fangs.

As for why he addresses Luz as a human, it's clear he sees himself above everyone else. Be they human, witch, or demon.

His plan may be to portal to earth and take it over using magic. Making him the ruler of two worlds.

Theory 2- He is a witch who believes in what he's doing.

Perhaps he was a young man who lost his family to the inter-magical fighting.

He hears a voice he believes is the titan itself and swears to bring the Boiling Isles to peace. Under any cost.

As time passes, he gets more and more power hungry and perhaps even goes a little crazy.

He even wants to extend his "peace" to earth. Even though the Boiling Isles and earth have had no real contact before.

So. Which do I believe?

I'm more inclined to Theory 1. It makes more sense thematically that Luz would have to fight a mirror image of her own experience: a human who ended up on the isles.

There also seems to be more evidence for this one than the other.

The fact that we know zero about Belos's past is unusual for a dictator, unless he's hiding something.

If Belos really were from the Isles, there would be a freaking monument to everywhere important in his life. From where he was born to where he heard the Titan's voice.

There would be books available about his life. Plays about him. Anything you could think of.

But there isn't. At least as far as we know as the audience.

To everyone on the Isles, he just... appeared one day.

Much like Luz.

But again. These are all theories.

We shall see how things progress within the show.

#the owl house spoilers #the owl house #toh #toh belos #emperor belos #toh king #toh season 2 #toh theory

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prismartist · 3 years

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/rp

okay. if the c!tommy apologists and c!dream haters come after me for this, then so be it.

tommy shouldn’t kill dream. not just because of basic moral decency, but also because, from an outsider perspective, he quite literally has no reason to. because really, it will just do no good to anyone, including tommy.

(uh please keep in mind this is /nm, even if it doesn’t seem like it lmao i’m just a bit sassy for some reason)

tommy’s belief that he should get rid of dream comes from a mix of paranoia resulting from his trauma and the hero complex that was instilled in him since forever. he’s looking through an extremely muddled and biased lens. he’s convinced dream is going to break out when in reality, dream is fucking powerless! he may be unhinged and he may be dangerous, but he can’t do shit in the prison. he has no one to use the revival knowledge on, and they have stated time and time again that it is literally impossible for him to break out without assistance. and if any of y’all start to mention enderboo, let me remind you that the theory of enderboo being manipulated by dream isn’t canon. even if it was, you would think that he would have gotten out by now because really, dream would want to get out asap, yet he’s been in there for three months now.

and about what i said about dream not being able to get out unless with help? it’s actually quite possible that, in entering pandora’s vault, tommy might accidentally let him out.

(there are wilbur parallels here! would you look at that! hey remember the last time wilbur gave in to his paranoia and ended up hurting a lot of people? hope that doesn’t happen again ahahah-)

also, doesn’t tommy realize that he’s deteriorating his own mental health in trying to achieve this? i mean that should be obvious the moment he tried exposure therapy. he always thinks he has to confront dream to make things even when he really doesn’t. like he reaaaallly doesn’t. he’s trying to keep up his hero complex even when it fucks him over. remember the last time he tried confronting dream? that didn’t work out so well now did it?

not to mention, tommy is just giving dream power but stubbornly facing him over and over again. because he keeps getting beat up! he keeps giving dream something to play with! and that’s been the case the entire time!! there’s a reason dream only ever targets tommy, and only tommy.

riffing off that, tommy thinks dream will hurt everyone on the server when that’s kind of misguided as well?? dream’s main priority has always been keeping tommy in line. anytime he targets anything else, it’s because he sees them as extensions of tommy. l’manburg, the discs, tubbo. even if dream does get out, even if he resurrects wilbur, it’ll just be because he’ll be after tommy. which, yeah that’s terrible for tommy, but he’s not endangering the entirety of the server.

“so what do you suggest we do about dream?” nothing! you can do nothing!! i mean quackity’s already doing a pretty damn good job of beating him up (even though he really shouldn’t) or you can give him some therapy perhaps?? someone unbiased to talk to?? just don’t send in the clearly traumatized 16-year-old to do the work himself!! he’s in no position to kill anyone, much less face his abuser.

also there’s the argument that killing anyone no matter what is unlawful but for some reason y’all don’t seem to take that as seriously as the other points. which, fine, i’m not going to try convincing y’all otherwise, i’m just going to say that there’s a weird dissonance in saying tommy’s murder isn’t justifiable while dream’s possible one is, when both are results of trauma build-up, muddled points of view and a strong belief that the victim is the cause of all their problems. but one is more correct than the other ig (/s).

also can we stop. othering abusers and treating them as irredeemable? there’s a good post that explains this in depth but basically targeting abusers doesn’t help anything because it’s not actually tackling the root of the problem, that is, the system that molded them into abusers, and so just by punishing the abusers themselves and making them worse that doesn’t help to prevent other abusers and dehumanizes them.

now i’m not saying it’s not understandable why tommy thinks these things. it is! as i said, it’s a result of his upbringing thinking that violence is the only solution to your problems as well as the hero complex forced upon him. plus the obvious trauma caused by dream and co. i’m just saying that he’s making a big mistake by targeting dream when he’s posing no threat at the moment. also murder is problematic.

now the only reason why i would like for tommy to confront dream and attempt to murder him is that it would be an interesting storyline, and it would be extremely intriguing to see tommy’s train of thought while he executes his plan. but in-lore, i don’t think it’s going to be a positive experience in any way shape or form. he’s just endangering himself and dream rather than protecting everyone else. and i wouldn’t want dream to die from a meta standpoint; i feel like that’d be a waste of his character, that we weren’t able to see his pov before he gets ousted out of the storyline for good. especially since he’s the one who started the server.

TL;DR tommy shouldn’t murder dream, not only is it not supposed to be justifiable but facing him would probably have serious consequences on his mental health.

#tommyinnit #dreamwastaken #dream smp #mcyt #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis #dsmp #c!tommy critical #unintelligible rants #long post #cursing #tommy apologists come @ me i dare you #but be gentle also im fragile #murder mention tw #abuse mention tw

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the-darklings · 3 years

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coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective.

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part.

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that.

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing.

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager.

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now.

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash.

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But.

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts.

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed.

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm.

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received.

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy.

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely.

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem.

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself.

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too.

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020.

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call.

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind.

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.

So I didn’t.

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest.

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back.

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either.

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that.

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited.

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly.

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you.

Love,

- Kat.

#kat speaks #blog psa #i suppose

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aot-snk-4238 · 3 years

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AOT No Requiem Fanfic Review Part 2

Disclaimer: I am not a supporter of ANR myself, so I knew that I probably wouldn't like most of what this fanfiction is putting out there. That being said, I decided to check it out anyway because I was interested in seeing what changes these people were planning on making. This review is not meant to bash the work or the team of artists and writers behind it. These are just my own personal opinions, and I will try to express them as professionally as I can without coming across as aggressive or rude, as that is not my intention.

After a four month hiatus, it looks like the popular fan fiction Attack On Titan No Requiem is back in action. I'm glad to hear that their creator is doing okay. Since this fan fiction covers the final three chapters, I'm splitting my review into three parts. The first one can be found here so if you haven't read it, you can check that out first. I kept it short and to the point and I intend to try and do that with the rest of these as well, so without further ado, here are my thoughts on the second installment of this short series:

This chapter opens up where the previous one left off, with a clash between Eren and Armin's ideologies, their discussion getting more heated by the minute. Armin still believes in a more peaceful way out of the situation that involves more talking and less bloodshed, whereas Eren sees no other options other than the path he is currently on. Fuming with anger now, Armin grabs Eren by the shirt and this is where the scene transitions to the rest of Eren and Historia's conversation from chapter 130. I still can't believe we were deprived of this in the canon universe, so I was interested to see if any of it would play out in a way that I wasn't already expecting. As it turns out, it did not. I was fully prepared for them to confirm or at least imply that Eren is the father of Historia's baby considering what theory this whole thing is based off of and that's exactly what happened. To their credit, they didn't make it as cheesy and overly-romantic as I was afraid they might, but it still could have used a bit more exposition and time to develop. I didn't care for what appeared to be a brief elopement scene in the woods, though. And was that supposed to be Floch officiating it? That's...just too weird for me. Sorry, but a secret wedding in the woods with Floch as the priest felt more like a joke to me rather than a serious event. I remember when most fans used to hate him, but that changed at some point and now he's quite popular. I can't tell if it's for the sake of memes or if people really had a change of heart. And just to be clear I have no issues with people liking him, I'm just a little confused as to how it came about. As for the whole pregnancy subplot in general, I don't think there's anything that can done to make me like it at this point. It came out of nowhere and it led to nowhere. It looks pretty clear to me that making Eren the baby father is the only solution that people can come up with to have it actually mean something and have relevance, which only serves as further proof to me that it never should have happened in the first place. Even if this team has something clever up their sleeve, I feel like there's only so much they can do to make it better, especially considering that they're only changing the last three chapters. To me, a much better handling of Historia post time-skip by Isayama would have involved giving her a chance to actually be queen and exploring her thoughts on Eren's actions and whether she would have allowed the Yeagerists to take over the island. We saw in the end that she did let them take over, but we're not clearly shown why. We also never found out why Eren was able to change her mind so suddenly regarding his plan and what made her decide to have a child. Not to mention that not once did we get to see her interact with the rest of the cast, which it doesn't look like will happen in this fan ending either. It was just her in that stupid chair and then the baby is born and that's it. I appreciate the AOTNR team's attempt to breathe some life back into her, but it still doesn't make up for all the missing screentime she had from chapter 90 onwards.

Moving on to the last part of this chapter, we see that after learning Eren's secret, Armin has had enough. He calls Eren a hypocrite for hiding what he did with Historia from everyone and how things could have been better if he just trusted them, but Eren is still unfazed. Armin asks Eren why he was brought back into Paths if it wasn't actually going to fix anything, and this is how the rest of the chapter plays out:

I like the way this cliffhanger is depicted. It shows Eren and Armin both as children this time facing each other, each with a determined look on their face while their adult faces shine in the background. It serves as a good visual representation of just how much things have changed between them since their early years and prepares the audience for a huge face-off outside of PATHS where everyone else is still trying to fight off Ymir's horde of ancient titans. Speaking of that, these two fan-made chapters have not given much focus to what's been going on on the outside, unlike Isayama's chapter 138. It looks like their three biggest priorities here are giving us Eren's POV, which we didn't get until the very end, Historia's POV, which we never got at all, and a final boost of character development for Armin. As a result, other important plot points are put on hold, such as what's next for Zeke and the rest of Eren's friends. This, paired with a lack of action sequences, causes the pacing to feel slow. Seeing where we are now, though, I'm assuming that it will pick up next chapter. And now that they've given Historia some much needed attention, I'm interested in seeing if they have any plans for Mikasa. There are a lot of people who strongly dislike her, so changing that perspective into something more positive looks like it's going to be a big challenge and I'll be very impressed if they pull it off. Overall, I thought this chapter was okay. It's very good for a fanfiction, though, and I'm glad that other people are enjoying it. I'll be grateful if it brings at least some level of peace to this fandom in the end, so until next time, thanks for reading ✌.

#snk #attack on titan #attack on titan no requiem #snk fanfiction #eren jaeger #armin arlert #historia reiss

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colorseeingchick · 3 years

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The Inevitable Dystopia of My Hero Academia (WITHOUT manga spoilers)

As noted by your local political science anime lover.

(This is a summary/rambling about a political science paper I wrote on My Hero. This is only based on the anime. I’m not caught up on the manga)

Warnings: Vague reference to abuse (Endeavor), discussion of political theory, discourse.

A/N: It’s lengthy and all over the place. It also might be impossible to follow. So I’m sorry in advance lol.

THESE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS AND A FORM OF DISCOURSE. I’m open to discussing if you have thoughts! Political science is about understanding policy and structures, not taking a stance. Any comparisons to ‘modern society’ are in reference to 1st world/developed societies, as those are the governments that parallel the My Hero Academia government.

The politics of My Hero Academia is... pretty morbid if you ask me. It’s not worse than the real world, sure, but maybe that’s why it’s all the scarier. Even with quirks and super powers, the impossible becoming possible, it isn’t enough to save them from the undesirable. Their society seems to have fallen into a cycle of suffering and oppression that has no end.

Now, I know no one really gets excited about political theory (unless you’re like me, then please be my friend), but there are some concepts that you’ll need to understand in order to follow along with my argument. So bear with me.

First, utopia. Utopia is probably a term you’ve heard casually, but the definition political theorists hold it to is simply- “a good place.” Often times it is depicted as a far away dreamland, only possible in the realm of fiction (and this makes sense given that My Hero is fictional). It is very important to understand that utopia is not necessarily perfect. It’s just better than average. There are a few standards that characterize utopia, one being the utopian focus on having very strict laws to repress the unstable nature of mankind [1]. I’ll come back to this.

Next is dystopia. Dystopia as an idea was actually made in response to utopia. It’s the ‘not-utopia,’ and is lumped with ‘anti-utopia’ (this comment is in reference to the semiotic square, if you would like to develop a further look into it). The simplest way to understand dystopia is to know it’s ‘a not-good place.’ [2] But that’s surprisingly broad. Dystopias can be a failed utopia, or they could have developed on their own as a result of any number of reasons. You’ve probably seen all sorts of depictions of dystopia (climate dystopias, medical dystopias, technology-based dystopias, literally any YA novel from my childhood, you get the idea). Its key to note that unlike an apocalypse, where there is utter destruction and it ends with complete annihilation of humanity, there is hope* inherently written into it.

*Hope here meaning there’s theoretically a way for the government to be changed/overthrown without death of the majority.

Now that all that boring stuff is out of the way- let’s talk about My Hero Academia.

I’d argue that, at first glance, Hero Society seems to be working towards utopia. When reading from Deku’s perspective, especially in the beginning, you would think that their society is close to becoming utopian. The impossible is possible, being a hero is a reality, and a symbol of peace tangibly and definitively exists. When you compare it to pre-quirk society, these changes would appear to be developments. As for the ‘in progress’ aspect, I think Hawks verbalizes it best when he says his goal is for heroes to have too much time on their hands. They aren’t there yet, but if that goal is achieved, it would be a mark of utopia.

They’ve achieved some level of utopian standards by meeting the ‘strict laws to repress the unstable nature’ standard. Think about the concept of licensing quirks, quirk regulation, and the government institutions that regulate quirk society. Remember when Tomura cornered Deku at the shopping mall and mentioned something along the lines of, ‘all these people could wield their quirks at any moment they want, but choose not to? Instead they smile and laugh.’

He has a point. Why is that? From a political theorist point of view, it’s honestly very shocking. For centuries, theorists have argued about how to manage human nature. It’s a difficult task as is. Give everyone superpowers? That would have to be 10x as chaotic. But in the My Hero world, it’s not. It’s well organized. The government took action to regulate the physical instability of humanity which arose from quirks. What’s so impressive to me is that they managed to mitigate (not eliminate) the instability of human nature/behavior along with it.

But if you take a step back to look at My Hero Academia, slowing down and stepping out of Deku’s shoes, I don’t think the instinct is to classify it as a utopia in progress. Of course, its superpowered with quirks- adding to the realm of possibility. But crime of all sorts is superpowered, just as the justice systems/law enforcement in the country.

When I made this realization, I understood I had kind of been drawn into the propaganda the society puts out. It’s a sort of cloak built up by the positive media around the heroes, the narrative being focused on young heroes and their great mentors, and the universal title of ‘villain’ being put on everyone that breaks the government’s laws (this really bothers me, and maybe I’ll discuss it another time). Things aren’t better. Crime rates have gone down I believe, but the anti-hero sentiments being harbored are more intense than in certain real world societies. Hero society hasn’t necessarily resolved any of the problems that our society would have. The balance is the same, but the possible actions people can take, or the behaviors that are exhibited, are scaled up on both sides of the law.

What’s worse is that- even if its not a universal experience, this society is also a dystopia for many people. The first hint of this society being less than perfect is when we hear from Stain and his pursuit of a ‘just society’ by eliminating fraudulent heroes. His ideals are surprisingly level-headed, and very rigorous in standard, even if it is based in questionable morals. But it’s easy to brush it off. However, its less deniable as you learn more about these characters.

Shigaraki was abandoned and waited for heroes to save him, but they didn’t. Overhaul was also an orphan living on the streets. Eri was abandoned by her mother because of her quirk. Twice was villainized, when in reality he has mental health issues (dissociative identity disorder I believe). It broke my heart when Twice said “heroes only save good people.” Who decided they were bad people? Why weren’t they saved?

Also, can we talk about the quirkism? (Which I don’t know if that’s a real term within this fandom yet, it might be, but just to be on the same page, I mean quirk-based discrimination) You have people like Shinsou, who’s treated as villain even though he wants be a hero- solely because of his quirk. I believe Toga was also treated poorly because of the nature of her quirk as well (correct me if I’m wrong). And then you have Midoriya, who was harassed and bullied for not having a quirk at all. Clearly none of them have control over the way they were born, and yet they all had to deal with how society treats them because of the uncontrollable. (At this point I’m sure its clear there are a lot of parallels with the discourse around quirkism, racism, and sexism, which is a whole nother conversation).

Having good quirks also seems to get you a pass, or puts you outside the reach of the law. The only example I need for this is Endeavor and his children. Despite all the abuse he’s done that makes him a villain in my book, he stays the number 2 hero. That’s all I need to say.

The suffering of all these individuals is a direct result of the failure of the government. And this isn’t a ‘government should have taken extra steps to help them.’ This is a situation where the government’s structure, including the sensationalized media and monopolization of quirk use, has actively attacked and oppressed people who otherwise would have been untargeted.

This is a world of misery for them- the people who make up the underworld. We call them villains and criminals because they are- but I don’t think its fair to call all of them bad people. They definitely didn’t start out that way. They are the results of suffering. They are created by a society that solely aims to remove them from existence. This hero society is so unjust that its faults create its own villains. The villains they aim to stop came to be because of the ‘heroes’ in the first place. The irony there is painful, and I hate that it’s a sort of self fulfilling prophecy.

The reason why I think it’s morbid is because there is no escape. Quirk society in its current state is undeniably a dystopia for many. But the issue is (and this was the crux of my argument in my paper) dystopia and utopia inevitably and consistently coinhabit space. What is utopia to one will be a dystopia to another. There is no way to get everyone to uniformly view society.

What that means is, somebody will always be suffering in this society. At least, that’s the cycle that’s been set up. In the episode where Tamaki got shot with a quirk erasing bullet and Kirishima fought the gangster on quirk enhancing drugs, that gangster did say that this was ‘their time’ to rise. “It’ll be the age of those who live in the shadows.” They’re not looking for resolution. They’re looking for revenge. They want to flip the script and be the ones living in utopia while everyone else is subject to suffering. The concept of everyone living happily in harmony and true peace isn’t even in consideration.

There seems to be no middle ground, no solution to the push and pull between the ‘heroes’ and ‘villains.’ The unfairness will continue to be passed around, and unless someone can break the cycle, attack the corruption of the system at its roots,

the problem is not going to go away.

Sources!

[1] Claeys, Gregory, and Fatima Vieira. “The Concept of Utopia.” In The Cambridge Companion to Utopian Literature. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2013.

[2] Robinson , Kim Stanley. “Dystopias Now.” Commune, November 17, 2018. https://communemag.com/dystopias-now/.

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #my hero academia politics #boku no hero politics #political science and anime #political science #anime #discourse #colorseeingchick writes #discourse with the colorseeingchick

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erenspaths · 4 years

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This chapter was pretty cool but not enough eren centric per me...

But again, Isayama being a genius, offered us some new perspectives and theories that could almost proved, I’m gonna explain my point here..

After a talk with my co-writer, and friend, Yama @shingeki-no-eren, we conclude that something weird appears now to be concrete: Eren is somehow pretty dead. At least, only his will survived thanks to the paths and the fact he is the attack titan that I remind you, is the only titan that can’t be controlled, manipulated by others: the attack titan has its own will, its own goal to archive.

So yeah, his transformation in founding titan in Shiganshina needed his physical body to be but it seems that since his transformation, Eren looks asleep, almost like dead. His eyes are closed, his posture seems to be that of an unconscious person, his head and arms held together by wires? seemed to support the theory in which Eren’s mind and body are manipulated by someone else or entity.

Honestly I don’t know. I’m torn between several theories that all make sense to me.

First of all, one theory that I surely excluded is that Ymir Fritz manipulating Eren because after reading the manga as a whole again, Eren by freeing Ymir and when he asked for her powers to carry out his project, reiterates that he doesn’t need her to help him to bear his burden, he doesn’t her to follow him because she’s finally free, to wander in the paths without giving any account to the holders of the titans’ powers. He also stated that she could follow him if only it was her own will.

So Ymir’s apparitions in the paths next to Eren or during chap 131, is her own will. Eren is free to act whatever he wants to act, actually.

But then again, Eren is clearly tied by some kind of wires.. maybe they are only there to support the monstrous weight that Eren’s arms and head must weigh in suspension... 🤷🏼‍♀️ nevertheless, his current posture is still reminiscent of that of an articulated puppet. I just can’t help myself to think that Yams made that in purpose to be ambiguous.

So Eren may could be manipulated by the attack titan.. I saw that theory many times, and honestly I really thought about it, and pieces by pieces it makes sense and in way it makes no sense... are you still with the thread of my mind? 🥴

Let me explain.. as I said previously, the attack titan is the only titan to have its own will, its not controlled by any other external wills, but according to Eren and his determination to kill all of his enemies, the fact that he is the attack titan shifter only increases his personal will. I don’t think that this titan can manipulate Eren as an independent entity, it would mean that this particular titan is able to think and act independently of its shifter, but that doesn’t make any sense at all. Rather, the attack titan should be seen as a turbo engine and Eren’s will is its fuel. Yet Eren can still act and work without the AT while the AT cannot act and work without being possessed by a shifter.

Beside that, we know that Eren can have access to future moments and this thanks to the power of the AT. It’s precisely this titan that allows him to see the future, yet we never have access to Eren’s predictions though, only memories or flashbacks that can be triggered at any moments when the situation is suitable and necessary elements gathered. For example, before the raid on Liberio, his will is strengthened when he remembers his mother Carla being eaten by his father’s first wife Dina transformed into a primal titan.

Because let me remember you that before that raid, Eren seemed to have lost some of his will to destroy his enemies after spending some time in Marley and after sharing an evening with his comrades, drinking and eating with some muslim people. He is a little in doubt... “should I act as I planned?” - “Humanity doesn’t seem so rotten, it’s like inside the wall after all, there are some good people and some bad ones.”

Then the next day, he vanished. Spending months pretending to be an eldian soldier in the Marleyan army, trying to refocus his main goal by infitraiting the enemy camp, in order to get as much infos as possible.. then meeting on his way back to Liberio, the little Falco Grice, a kind of sunshine boy, who helped him without asking questions.. again, Falco made Eren questioning himself but then again, Falco wasn’t enough this time to change Eren’s mind.

He made his plan become real during his raid on Liberio and took back the warharmer titan and finally came back to paradis with Mikasa and the others.

But finally what made Eren increasing his will during his talk with Reiner? It’s Willy Tybur’s discourse that made him gone fury. He got it. Whatever he can do, even if he forgives to those who hurted him, even if he tries to change his mind, the others won’t do the same. The other part of the humanity hates Paradis, hates Eldian people, hates Eren. They should die.

There are three solution offered to Eren at this point:

1. He follows Zeke’s plan, and helps Zeke to euthanize Paradis’ inhabitants, and forces Historia having a bunch of brats during her 13 years of existence because she would finally be the FT shifter so her children could become the new shifters of the 9 titans and the story continues...

Well...Zeke’s plan could work if you accept to commit a genocide on your own people. But who knows if someone from outside the walls won’t be committing the same thing Grisha Jaeger did to steal the FT from Frieda Reiss? All you need is one silly eldian and subject of Ymir, who survived Zeke’s plan of euthanasia and some old serum or some spinal fluid and here we go..

2. He follows his own will to destroy his opressors/enemies in order to take back his freedom for him and his people, but he needs to commit a global genocide for that. But they would be finally free.

3. He does nothing and let the rest of humanity oppressing them and bring back the FT and the AT to the royal bloodline family, so Zeke or Historia.

He picked up option 2, because his will is strong. He is so determinated and that’s what chap 133 showed us.

“No matter whatever you want to say, you can’t change my mind, I won’t stop the rumbling, I can’t gamble Paradis’ future”.

“If you really want to stop me, you’re free to do, come and fight me but don’t fail and kill me, otherwise you will lose.”

Eren is offering a chance to his old comrades to fight him, he is not begging them to kill him, he is offering them a chance to change things and reach their own purpose: save humanity. But he warned them that if they don’t want to change their mind, he is not going to change his.. they will finally be forced to fight, unfortunately.

To come back to my theories, Eren is dead only his will remains.

It could be a possibility if you take Eren in the paths moments. He is always in his child form, when his determination to obtain his freedom started. At the age, his obsession for freedom started but especially when he got his titan powers from Grisha, more specially when he became the FT shifter even if the FT powers weren’t released yet for Eren. As Ymir who is also always portrayed as a child when we all know she died as a young grown woman, at the end of her adolescence, again she seems to look the same little girl when she obtained the titans powers.

To my part, Eren and Ymir look like ghosts, a kind of illusions, or a sort of holograms. They look weird and totally dismissed of a real physical body as a real person.

But finally, is that possible? Are we sure that into the bones of Eren’s FT titan form there is Eren’s physical body? If Eren’s really dead already, is he going to reborn into another person, form or is he going to remplace Ymir in the paths?

Eren remains to be the only solution of all this story. He is the key. He is the solution.

All he has to do, is taking back the 9 titans powers and trying to summon the demon of the earth to bring back the powers that were given to Ymir, 2000 years ago, then vanishing... is that possible you think?

Feel free to interact, I would love to read your theory or your opinion about that fucked post. ☺️

#sorry my typos I will fix it later #eren protection squad #eren jaeger #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #eren snk #rin is talking #eren #aot #eren yeager #snk theories #ending theories #eren theories #chap 133 #snk 133 #snk spoilers

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hellstenglow · 4 years

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Fiveya Meta: they need to talk

Endure me, I am on a fiveya-train and my thoughts don’t shut up.

After watching the most recent behind the scene videos of TUA season 2 we can conclude that they did make senseless choices in the plot because in some cases they had to. For example in the case of the snow storm created by Harlan in the final episode, that was added to the script because suddenly there have been a snow storm on the outside set the days before the scheduled filming and they couldn’t clean the place enough, in time for the recording. The snow was added.

I also think they could have written some of the characters better and given them real development (*cough* Luther, Ben *cough*). I wasn’t even a fan of the whole “Vanya lost her memory” thing, but I’ve read that Steve Blackman (the showrunner) doesn’t want to diverge from the original content too much (which is a bit silly to say since they did make major changes since season 1, but okay). I guess that’s why Vanya’s amnesia was still there, although they treated it differently. In the comics it was Mom-Grace who helped Vanya to find herself again and her own value, in the show it was Sissy who did it. I thought it was kind of a hint to the comics the fact Sissy resembled Show-Grace a bit (blond, kind and a mom). Did I think it was unnecessary to have a love interest for Vanya right after season 1? I did, but I justified the choice by thinking that the show wanted to give Vanya a taste of what real love (not like Leonard’s manipulative and abusive love) is supposed to be. I also thought it was a way to show how Vanya needs to stop clinging to the first person who gives her affection, attention and treats her with kindness. I hope she’d realize that and work on herself and family in season 3, first and foremost.

Even with the evident flaws I enjoyed season 2, especially because I decided to treat it as a passing by (detour/digression) chapter in a longer story. All Hargreeves siblings in the ‘60s tried hard to make a new life and ignored their actual life (Allison, Luther, Klaus) or had a convenient amnesia (Vanya) or focused on something too much to lose track of what matters (Diego). Everyone except Ben (who was not treated once again as a full character despite the apparent level up the PR promoted) and Five (who once again was running around in panic mode to stop an apocalypse). Remember Vanya saying, “New timeline, new me.” And Five replying “That’s NOT how it works.”? I may give the writers more credits than it is due, but I hope those two lines were some kind of meta messages for the more attentive viewers. Those two lines can explain perfectly season 2 to be honest.

Nobody can know how long a tv show would run, a fact that expose us to uncertainty. It’s always a gamble trusting writers and showrunners to deliver a good story, but all it’s fair game and one has only to accept it. I do not trust any of them, but I cannot help myself and still hope that they will not ruin everything. With all this said, let’s talk about something I think the show has to tackle in next seasons: Five and Vanya are two points of a theme that needs to be addressed and solved. They need to interact, talk and close their open theme together.

This is not a cohesive meta and I probably will lose myself in too many details, but I hope the message I am trying to convey will arrive. This is only my reading of the show and theories, so you can disagree. I just hope you’d find something interesting and maybe help someone to have a different perspective on what’s going on and where (I pray) the show will go. Here the points I will talk about, if you are in for a very verbose essay, please click on the “keep reading” button. Meanwhile I’ll wear my tinfoil crown and sip some margarita.

Five and Vanya are a theme

It was mean to be Ben

Why the Fiveya’s tension in S2 EP 7’s iconic scene is a symptom of something

I dare to hope in fiveya (at least until proven wrong)

1. We have a theme: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the apocalypse

It’s a twisted joke of the universe that the very thing Five is obsessed about in season 1 (the apocalypse) was caused by the person he trusted the most (“I’ve decided you’re the only one I can trust” - Five in S1EP1). The red thread that linked Five and Vanya can’t be more evident, that’s one of the reasons why I started shipping them. The family’s dynamic, the siblings’ relationships and bonds are equally important, they add layers and motivations to the story, but if we strip everything else and look at the core, we all know Five and Vanya are at the centre of it.

It’s not a simple coincidence that Five said “I’m the four horsemen”. At first, it’s just a funny line, because Five is drunk and he described himself as those fearsome figures (because he is the best assassin of the whole world and time. Death incarnated in his humble opinion). You don’t take him seriously when he said that line, you don’t pay attention to it.

However, later it gains a certain degree of truth. Subtly the show tells you that indeed Five is linked deeply to the “apocalypse” (Vanya), as much as the four horsemen (they are the prelude and the bringers of the end) are linked to the apocalypse (in the biblical sense). He lived it. He was trapped there for 45 years. He is obsessed with it. The Apocalypse is his business.

Timid little Vanya is the first person he looked for in the middle of the doomsday’s ruins and arguably his closest friend. On the first day of his return Five only have meaningful talks with Vanya. Five sought her to confide the horror of his memories and share the burden of the truth. He trusted her above everyone else. Then the universe made a laughingstock of him when it was revealed that Vanya caused the Apocalypse. Five didn’t know he was running towards her, despite wanting to go back to his family (her) all his life.

In the first two episodes of season 1 they made clear that Vanya and Five had an intimate bond in their childhood and still cared for each other after so many years, then the show proceeded to separate them until the finale. They tried so hard to keep them far away from each other during season 1 and we all know everything would have been different if they had time to properly talk, process their situation and find a solution together. Of course, the show didn’t give them that chance, otherwise the show would have ended in episode 3 and goodbye drama!

They did not confront each other in the end of season 1, they let Allison take that role because the show built up their connection as sisters and I didn’t dislike the choice. Did it work thematically? No, Allison has no connection with the apocalypse. That’s Five’s business. He didn’t confront Vanya, he let others take the lead in the most crucial moment and with no surprise the apocalypse still happened.

The other apocalypse in season 2 was still connected to Vanya and again Five ignored the cosmic signals and focused on dead ends. Despite knowing perfectly that the butterfly effect can come from any source, he didn’t even think about Vanya’s being the cause of the apocalypse again. Five should have listened Klaus when he suggested that Vanya might have been the cause. Funny how Klaus told him in S1 that he has an addiction and Five aggressively denied it. Funny how saving his family and stopping the apocalypse are always his top priorities, but Five still deny himself (for a reason or another) the time to confront Vanya (the apocalypse).

We have a theme waiting to be resolved: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the cause of the apocalypse. If Five does not confront Vanya the theme will never have a closure. It’s still open right now. It is still there, waiting to be picked up again. There is no resolution.

2. Vanya and Ben’s goodbye

The scene between Vanya and Ben was one of my favourites from season 2 and after pondering for a while I concluded that it couldn’t have been anyone else but Ben the one who helped Vanya in that moment. My theory is that the show will walk backwards the breaking points of Vanya’s life: Ben’s death, Five’s leaving and Reginald’s abuse.

Vanya is not fixed. How could she when she was barely Vanya in this season? “New timeline, new me” she said, but that was just a convenient escapism mechanism. Years and years of mentally and emotionally abuse don’t disappear in one week. The Hargreeves have still a lot to process and resolve, individually and as family. That’s why I hope the show will progress the story in the right direction and actually work on them in season 3. Especially Vanya, who needs to confront her trauma. That’s why the scene with Ben in episode 9 was necessary.

From Vanya’s book:

[…] Our everyday existence was full of evidence that Dad had [...]-pped into treating us like experiments. Not as children, but like animals. And what happened to Ben was the last straw that finally shattered the illusion for the others …

Ben died long time ago and his death was the last straw that shattered the illusion (for the others) that their father cared about them (even in his own messed up way). Everything changed from that moment and each sibling drifted away from one another after that. Ben’s death was the moment Vanya and the rest of her siblings stopped being a family. The definitive step of Vanya’s alienation from her siblings.

There was no place in the group for her. With Five’s absence and Ben gone (he is a caring brother, with Klaus is like that and I can imagine him being kind to Vanya in their childhood too. Although, Ben is not Five and we have seen him being harsh to her in the flashbacks in S1EP10), Vanya was truly lost.

The tearful and important moment between Ben and Vanya was a reverse moment in my opinion. Vanya needed that from Ben, his death heavily influenced the course of her life (everyone’s life) and it was only fitting that Ben should have been the one helping her to start again. It’s symbolic in a sense, but also very factual.

“Sorry that I left without saying goodbye” – Five, S1 EP2

“At least this time I can say goodbye.” – Ben, S2 EP9

I’m using my fiveya-goggles, but we all thought that what Five said in S1EP2 (when Vanya tried to find him at Hargreeves’ mansion) wasn’t just about him leaving her apartment. It’s a very specific line that works on double levels: text and subtext. The subtext of course refers to the day he run out the house and time jumped. I highlighted these two lines from Five and Ben because I think they share the same theme: leaving her without saying goodbye.

Vanya wasn’t on mission with the team when Ben died, and I doubt she even saw his body (or whatever remains were left) when the Umbrella Academy returned. She didn’t even see his manifestation during the Icarus’ fight, too focused in her own power. The scene between them in Vanya’s mind gave both the opportunity to make amend of untold words and missed moments.

Ben is dead, he is the one he cannot return. His departure is permanent, there is nothing they can do about that. However, they can have a closure. Ben needed to be the one first patching to mend Vanya’s relationship with her family, to remind her that she does belong. This sort of second death (finally move on into the Light) has more meaning than the first one, this time Ben completed the mission. He saved someone he loved (he couldn’t stop Klaus from destroying his life with drugs and alcohol) and could trust his siblings to take care of the rest.

I still think Ben didn’t need to die-die, but in a sense it was time for him to move on into the light. He was afraid to go on, but if he could move on so his siblings. It is time for Vanya to move on her own trauma.

(Yeah, I know. I still have problem with the scene because they erased canon in a way and Ben could do a lot more as character. They erased the fact drugs stop their powers like in Klaus’ addiction and Vanya’s pills, so how Vanya was able to use them under LSD? I tried to explain that to myself by the fact “they needed to bs that canon fact in season 1 and ignored it”.

We can also argue that Ben could have prevented the apocalypse in 2019 by doing the same thing, but in their defence S1-Ben didn’t know he could possess a body. Yeah, how did he do that without Klaus’ power help? No idea, that doesn’t make sense to me either. Ahah. I just swam with the flow at that point and accepted it as it is. Call it the power of superpowered siblings’ love. I’ve seen worse plot holes in my life. I can live with this).

3. Pass me the knife, there is some tension here!

From Vanya’s book:

Though prone to arrogance and outbursts, even more than the average preteen, Five was my sole confidante in the years before he disappeared. It almost seemed fitting […] the siblings to leave us, it would be him who [I fully?] […] who fully trusted me.

I said that Vanya’s walking backwards her life’s breaking points. So, after Ben’s death, she needs to address Five’s leaving. Five was her only confidante in the years before he disappeared, as she wrote in her book. Five was very important to young Vanya (and old Vanya needs to remember that) and I bet when he left, that was a scar never healed.

Vanya missed him and hoped for his return, for a while she kept the lights on in the house every night and prepared for him his favourite sandwich. When Five did come back Vanya couldn’t process that fact properly in season 1, all she could think of was that she didn’t want to lose him again. Five on the other hand decided that he would save everyone on his own and for that choice he made a bunch of tragic rookie mistakes.

Miscommunication is their kryptonite and right now Vanya and Five aren’t able to fully communicate at the same level. Reggie did such a good work at parenting that they’re so unfit to deal with their emotions and relationships, that will always be the root of their mistakes.

Same story in season 2, meanwhile Vanya is on the verge to provoke another apocalypse (although indirectly), as usual Five was too obsessed with his own plans and was not even aware of the situation. He knows nobody is insignificant when it’s about altering the timeline, but he always ends to focus on the wrong lead. The show again did incredible summersaults to avoid the two to interact properly and when they interacted things still didn’t work for a reason or another. She didn’t remember her past, he was not entirely sincere with her. She wanted to start anew (having a family with Sissy, easy-peasy), he is trapped again in a run against time to save his family. They are still not at the same page and for the show that is convenient. They still can play with their open theme (my point number 1 in this meta).

I don’t blame Five in S1 for thinking that if the worse happens, they would need to kill her. I think he was in a very delicate state of mind in that moment, he didn’t have time to process the fact Vanya (his favourite sibling and we all know she is his favourite) caused the end of the world. It was disappointing and cynical, but time was ticking fast, and he had been in his “maniacal-panic” mode for almost eight days. I also think he wouldn’t really kill her; he was the one who convinced the others that they needed to take her with them in the time jump. They need to “fix her” (aka help her to never feel alone in the universe and prove her we do love her) or they’re going to make the same mistakes again and again.

Just to be clear I think if Five wasn’t one day from the end of the world and in a rush to stop Vanya, he would had had the same reaction as Old Man Five in S2. His 14-days younger version take it very well “Fair enough” he said and then proceeded to tell Luther how to save Vanya, no mention about killing her whatsoever. Old Man Five had time (10 days more than our current Five) and a direct clue on how to stop the apocalypse (thanks Luther). Nobody was going to kill Vanya.

“Vanya will always be the cause of the apocalypse, unless we fix her.” - Five S1EP10

“Vanya is the bomb. She will always be the bomb.” - Diego S2EP8

Vanya is the bomb and she will always be the bomb unless she heals. A fact that can be added to my number 1 point in this meta, there is an open theme and they need to tackle it. Five and Vanya need to confront each other and resolve it.

This takes me to S2 EP7: the iconic stare-power stand between Five and Vanya. THE TENSION was real, and you could cut it with a butter knife. The first time I screamed at my screen, I felt like Gordon Ramsay in one of those episodes of “Kitchen Nightmare US” when someone finally serves him good food.

Of course, the immediate reading of the scene is that Five needed Vanya to come along and Vanya didn’t want to go because at that point these Hargreeves are still strangers to her (amnesia is so convenient), Sissy and Harlan are the ones she knows and loves in that right moment.

They were still able to cut each other with sharp words and hostile glares though. Five let her have what she wanted, not because he feared her, but because as usual he cares more about her feelings than what he would ever admit. It’s the second time in S2 he let her go, his soft spot and favouritism for Vanya was showing once again! *fakes surprise*

I think the tension shown in this scene is a symptom that Vanya and Five are on the verge of something they will (they have to) confront soon or later. This is the subtext reading I came out with.

Even if you don’t look at it with shipper goggle, you feel there is something going on. They let the viewers feel there is a sensitive something whenever these two have an alone scene together. All their alone scenes have a specific grade of intimacy, they made it clear since the scene in front of Five’s portrait. They care for each other, they love each other (sibling love, platonic love, we-could-have-been-something love etc…) and it’s there. However, Five left and Vanya never truly recovered from that. They didn’t process that fact and I truly believe they can’t move on until they heal that scar.

Basically, S2 EP7 Fiveya’s scene = We have to talk, but this is not the moment because the show is only on its second season! THIS TENSION IS HERE FOR A REASON.

4. Hope is the last thing to die

I shouldn’t trust a show, I’ve been disappointed so many times in the past years and showrunners of popular shows tend to be unoriginal and cowards. However, I am an optimist at heart and until season 3 I dare to hope anyway. If proven wrong, there are always fanfictions who can do better job than canon.

If all was lost they could have eliminated Alluther too from the universe because of certain fans screaming “harcest is incest you weirdos”, but Allison and Luther’s situation still exist and still work on the parameter “will they or not”? I imagine for their shippers it was annoying to have such a regression in season 2, but they didn’t destroy it and they still gave them scenes.

Fiveya had even a more subtle situation than Alluther but they’ve been granted the same level of intimate interaction whenever they have an alone scene together. Until Five (the character) will gain an older body (which he can) the whole thing is suspended. However, I think they wouldn’t have been open about the possibility of Five changing back to an older body and spoke about in season 1 if they didn’t have an idea for that.

I brushed off the line Five said to Old Man Five about being forever trapped in his 13-years-old body. It’s canon that there is a way to gain an adult body for Five, the Commission has the technology and even if it’s not the Commission they can mambo-jambo the thing in a way or another. That would never work. The actor is a growing up teenager and from season 1 to season 2 he has already changed. I imagined he will change even more before season 3 will ever start recording (maybe very late due the COVID-19 situation).

Aidan is a fan favourite and I am one of those who can’t see anyone else playing Five, with this said there are still ways for the show to give us fiveya. Young fiveya flashbacks will be always an option to explore the idea of “they had a crush on each other when they were young” and make other viewers understand that it wasn’t all “sibling” love between them. Endgame in a distant season can always have an epilogue with an adult Five (another actor I mean) having a very non-platonic (let adult Fivey kiss please) moment with Vanya, meanwhile building up the longest slow-burn (kinda, deep down I believe those feelings for each other are there) of the century.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe my tinfoil crow is too tight, and my brain doesn’t breathe. Maybe the show will succumb to easy paths and angry bullies. I don’t know, but until proven wrong I dare to hope.

PS: This is a monster of a meta and it probably doesn’t make sense? I hope someone will get what I’ve tried to say. I hope you survive, brave readers. Here a glass of margarita for you. I’d love to hear what you think

#fiveya #five x vanya #vanya x five #my meta

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phandom-phriend · 4 years

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Phic Phight 2020 - New Perspective

“Danny being stuck as Phantom and forced to deal with situations that he'd normally be as Fenton (like going to school, having a family dinner, etc)” | Prompt by @ectoamerican-blog

Word Count: 1,226

Some things are easier as Phantom. Fighting ghosts is a prime example, but even the small things like being on time or getting around Amity are done with a certain ease. On the other side of the coin, there are also things easier as Fenton. Blending in and giving off a heat signature for starters.

So it makes sense to keep the two separate. They both have their ups and downs, pros and cons. Sure, Fenton and Phantom are both him. And while it took a while, he accepts it. Embraces it. It’s just...who he is now. His name is Danny, he has two best friends, he wants to be an astronaut, and he’s half ghost. It’s as simple as that.

But things tend to go wrong whenever he’s involved. That’s just another thing he’s come to accept over the years. And it seems that lady luck thought him to be long overdue for some misfortune.

It all started with his dad's latest invention. Over the past two years they have switched from lethal ghost weaponry to subdued weapons. (Turns out it takes saving the world a dozen or so times before they would be more lenient towards ghosts. Who knew?) Which is how Jack came up with The Fenton Stabilizer.

Now what it was supposed to do was freeze up the ectoplasm inside a ghost bodies so that they couldn’t move. Simple enough, really. That is, until you bring a halfa into the equation.

Phantom, unfortunately, became the unwilling test subject after dealing with the Box Ghost. Even if the other can be a bit… much, it’s not like he wouldn’t take a hit for him...literally. On the outside, it appeared that nothing changed when the blast hit, much to his parents, and his own, surprise. He was still able to move freely and use his powers, leaving them to dub the Fenton Stabilizer… a dud. But when he flew off and met up with Sam and Tucker, it became clear that he was affected. His ectoplasm froze not his mobility, but his ability to transform back, leaving him stuck as his ghost half until it either wore off, or they found another solution entirely.

Which leads to another problem, he realizes the next day. School. His parents don’t really take notice of him when he is or isn’t there, so sneaking this issue past them for the night, but...

Normally he would skip out or Sam and Tucker would give excuses to cover for him, but Mr. Lancer had told him last time that if he were to ditch his class one more time this semester, his parents would be brought in. Which is a whole other can of worms he does not feel like opening right now. So, the solution to the madness? Go to school as Phantom!

No, his secret wasn’t out. And no, he wasn’t planning on letting it out anytime soon. But surely this was a fool-proof plan in need of no edits what-so-ever! (Not like he has the time to make edits if they were needed anyway)

The stares were expected as he flew into school, shooting a few of his classmates (not that they knew that) a few smiles and waves as he went by to his first class of the day. No one has questioned him directly yet, just murmurings among themselves about possible ghost attacks or conspiracy theories of his appearance, the usual stuff.

It wasn’t until he got to the history classroom that he was questioned, and it started because he was the one that asked something first.

“Hello, do you know where Danny Fenton sits?”

“What are you...doing here?”

“Attending school, same as you.”

Now, Miss Fletcher wasn’t really keen on Phantom. He was a disruption to class and the same breed as those that attack Amity. Not to mention she just wasn’t fond of teenagers in general. Why she became a teacher is anyone’s guess. But putting that aside, she wouldn’t easily be swayed by banter or words in general.

“I know you’re an...icon around town. But you can’t just barge into my class and ask about my students!”

“Oh, well you see, Danny and I have this deal going on.”

“Deal?”

“Yeah! He’s, uh, helping me with some ghost trouble! So I agreed to come to class for him today so he could get all that work done for me!”

“Ghost trouble?”

“Yeah, real personal stuff. Already talked it over with the principle, so! We’re all good!” Danny, of course, had not done that. Hadn’t even thought of talking it over with the man in charge until the words tumbled from his mouth. He’ll have to keep that in mind for the future. He is on Team Phantom if the small poster on his desk was anything to go by.

She didn’t say anything this time, just rolling her eyes and pointing to Danny’s seat. This was going to be an odd day.

Things went by about the same in each class since that morning, but lunch was a whole other issue. Normally he’d sit with Sam and Tucker at the corner table or outside, but he kept being stopped by multiple students and different lunch tables. It ended up being more of a Q&A than lunch. Which, it makes sense that no one was really concerned with his need to eat since, well, the whole dead thing. So Phantom decided to just..suck it up, answer a few questions, and float his way to Mr. Lancer’s classroom. Easy-peasy.

“Why are you here today?”

“Danny’s helping me with something.”

“What does it feel like, being in school?”

“I died before I graduated, so it’s pretty surreal to be back now.”

“Why is Fenton the one helping you?”

“His family is known for ghost tech, seemed like a pretty logical choice to me.”

This continued for ten minutes or so before Danny was able to escape their eyes and make his way to Mr. Lancer’s class. To his surprise, the older man didn’t even bat an eye at the ghost's presence, floating into the room and in front of his desk.

“Uh, hello...sir?”

“Go and take a seat, Phantom. Second row, third from the left.”

“Uh, thanks. You’re a lot more...accommodating than I thought you’d be.”

The teacher put his book down and leveled him with an almost… kind look. “I happen to be a bit of a fan, I suppose. And every teenager needs to learn the literary arts.”

“Yeah, well-”

“And I assume you brought Danny’s work that was due today?”

“Oh, yeah! Of course!” and he did, surprisingly enough. It was meant to be used as a sort of bribe, but this works just as well.

“Then I don’t see how this will be an issue. Now, let’s begin.” he said, eyes as the class filled up with barely concealed whispers.

As Danny sat, or rather floated, in his seat as his teacher began to speak, he couldn’t help but to feel a different level of appreciation. Who would have thought that even in this form, his teacher would still have his back? Not that he knew he was Fenton, of course. But it was a nice sentiment either way.

And well, even just Wes’ strangled gasp from behind him made it all the more worth it every second.

#phic phight #its not the best #but i gave an effort #its been done for weeks #i need to be better about actually posting #its not like i even edit

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theradioghost · 4 years

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hey, can i pester you for some podcast recs? something with a good dose of humour and not too many episodes to catch up on. a sprinkle of queer romance would be a nice bonus. my fave so far is tsco starship iris, and i also loved greater boston, wooden overcoats, the bright sessions and caravan. and thanks always for all your great recs! you’ve brought many hours of joy into my life :)

We Fix Space Junk -- Two intergalactic repairpeople -- a knowledgeable cyborg veteran and a former socialite on the run -- travel the universe meeting people and fixing things at the behest of the terrifying intergalactic corporation they’re trying to work off their debts to. Hilarious British sci-fi sitcom featuring Evil Space Capitalism, many many wonderful AI characters, and an absolutely delightful teenage space wasp-human-cow hybrid princess who is probably off accomplishing her grandiose special destiny somewhere offscreen while the main characters deal with things like their bosses possibly trying to kill them (again).

Death by Dying -- People have a tendency to die in odd ways in the small town of Crestfall, Idaho. Luckily the town also has an Obituary Writer, an eccentric and nameless but impeccably stylish fellow whose closest friend is the Angel of Death, and who has a knack for solving murders even though that’s definitely not his job description. Throw in walrus haikus, extremely rude ravens, Something Mysterious And Malevolent Lurking In The Dark Woods Outside Of Town, disappearing childhood homes, silent nuns, ghost bicycles, and three man-eating cats, and you get something like a delightful cross between Wooden Overcoats and Lemony Snicket. (Also, OW is peak Canonically Bisexual Dumbass.)

Less is Morgue -- Riley is a paranoid, reclusive teenager with a fondness for conspiracy theories who lives in their parents’ basement. They’re also a predatory ghoul who feeds on human flesh. Evelyn is a cheerful, outgoing young woman with questionable tastes in media. She’s also a ghost, ever since she was killed by a falling stage light at a Nickelback concert 16 years ago. And since Riley dug up and ate Evelyn’s corpse, they’re roommates! Will they ever manage to record a coherent episode of their podcast without something going ridiculously wrong and/or Riley eating one of the guests? Probably not!

Victoriocity -- The steampunk buddy-cop comedy-mystery thriller you never knew you needed but definitely do! Featuring Inspector Fleet, a grouchy, extremely driven policeman looking for the murderer of the Empire’s greatest inventor, and Clara Entwhistle, an even more driven and unfailingly upbeat rookie journalist who has just arrived in the island-spanning, bizarre cityscape of alt-history Even Greater London. Come for some of my favorite sarcastic British narration since Adams and Pratchett, stay for characters-are-begrudgingly-forced-to-work-together-until-they-come-to-genuinely-and-deeply-care-about-one-another-as-friends trope. (Also for Tom “Eric Chapman” Crowley as the aforementioned grumpy detective.)

Quid Pro Euro -- From one of the other leads of Wooden Overcoats, this doesn’t have a typical plot as such but has made me laugh so hard I pulled a muscle despite the fact that I know nothing about the EU. Which is what this near-surreal, Look Around You-style comedy is about: Felix Trench’s vision of a simultaneously hilarious and terrifying alternate European Union, seen from the perspective of a serious of educational tapes from the ‘90s predicting what the EU would look like in the 21st century. It’s hard to describe this show in any way that does it justice, but it’s incredibly funny.

Time:Bombs -- A miniseries by the exalted creators of Wolf 359, which (because they are madmen) was written, recorded, and produced in the space of one week. Also, a comedy about an NYC bomb retrieval squad on New Year’s Eve, most of whom are just trying to get through the night while their leader attempts to break a record for most bombs cleared before the calendar ticks over. Chaos and hilarity ensure.

Superstition -- Wisecracking, bi, Jewish, definitely-a-private-eye-just-don’t-check-her-qualifications Jacqueline St. James receives a message from her father, which is weird, because her parents disappeared years ago. Following the trail leads Jack to Superstition, Arizona, a town in the middle of the desert where everyone’s got secrets, assorted ghosts/monsters/cryptids harrass the locals, and the missing persons rate is the highest in the nation. As a protagonist Jack is Looking For Trouble And If She Cannot Find It She Will Create It, so while Superstition isn’t a comedy per se, it’s got a fair share of laughs and is also just so, so excellent in general.

Standard Docking Procedure -- A self-declared hopepunk scifi workplace comedy about the somewhat dysfunctional staff of Pseudopolis Station, effectively a high-tech interstellar truck stop. It’s funny and heartwarming, nothing truly bad happens, and Julia Schifini is there.

Solutions to Problems -- A morally-questionable human named Janet who has defintely never done any illegal time travel and an easygoing, physically indescribably alien who likes to go by Loaf host an intergalactic advice podcast. Are you tired of your species’ insistence on solving everything via ritual combat? Not sure how to talk to your partner about whether body-swapping has a place in your sex life? Dealing with being a superpowered teenager summoned into being by the collective will of an apocalyptic groupthink cult? Janet and Loaf have you covered! Provided that Janet’s on-and-off girlfriend, the AI who supplies the air they breathe, doesn’t kill them all first. Oddly heartfelt comedy in the form of a relationship advice radio show from the Space Future.

Middle:Below -- This show’s tagline is “Remember: bad things WILL happen,” and that is basically a lie. This is actually a short, incredibly heartwarming and frequently funny show about Taylor Quinn, the only human with the ability to pass between the land of the living (aka the Middle) and the land of ghosts (the Below). Meaning, of course, that the dead call on him to fix all their problems, with the help of a girl named Heather, a ghost named Gil, and a cat named Sans. (Also, some of the most comparatively wild live shows I’ve ever heard.)

Inn Between -- Ever wonder what fantasy characters get up to between adventures, during all that time they seem to spend at inns? This show skips all the adventuring, question, and action, instead focusing on the quiet moments between where what is Definitely Not A D&D Party meet and progress from bickering strangers brought together by circumstance to close-knit found family -- all at the inn, of course. (Lots of queer folks in here also, although there’s no romance at least in the first couple seasons.)

The Godshead Incidental -- A relatively new but very exciting and so far really enjoyable show!! Following a young woman who writes an advice column through her life in a familiar, and yet strange city where anyone might be a minor god -- your editor, your landlord, that weird guy on the street who was shouting about how he’s the God of Memory and you got into a fight with him and now you keep forgetting everything? Also, your apartment is full of pigeons now because you found out the aforementioned landlord is secretly the god of doorknobs and he’s panicking. Good luck! (Starring Ishani Kanetkar, aka Arkady from Starship Iris!)

Gal Pals Present: Overkill -- Madison, a middle schooler at a Girl Scout camp, agrees to play a game with a somewhat tastelessly bright-pink Ouija board. However, Madison doesn’t know that she’s a natural medium, and now sarcastic mid-2000s 19-year-old Aya Velasquez has joined the many ghosts who are for some reason haunting scenic Harding Park. Aya, however, will not rest until she can solve her own murder (and possibly get to know that other ghost girl a bit better, who says romance has to stop when you’re dead?). Absolutely hilarious writing of a narrator who is almost definitely wearing spectral Uggs during the entire show.

Dark Ages -- The Rivercliffe Museum of Mostly Natural History is one of the finest museums anywhere! Or it would be, if anyone ever actually visited it. Or maybe if the staff weren’t a disastrous and dysfunctional collection of criminals, weirdos, wannabe immortals, idiot bisexuals who can’t just admit they like each other, and one extremely uptight elf with no people skills. Also, it would probably help if the legendary and fearsome Dark Lord, finally returned from his millennia of dormancy to complete his prophesied conquest of the world, wasn’t hanging around watching the chaos unfold because they’ve got his crown on display. (Fantasy workplace comedy with a theme song that did not need to go that hard?)

Brimstone Valley Mall -- It’s mid-December 1999, and at one mall in South Central Pennsylvania, a group of demons are going about their evil work -- namely, working at various dinky kiosks and restaurants, hoping of achieving every demon’s dream of getting to work at Hot Topic, trying not to do too much evil because Earth is way more fun than Hell and no one wants to get promoted back home, and preparing for their band's triumphant opening performance at the upcoming Y2K party. Just one problem: their lead singer is missing. Another absolute masterwork from The Whisperforge.

Arden -- 10 years ago, Hollywood starlet Julie Capsom vanished into the woods of northern California, leaving behind a car containing a human torso that may or may not have belonged to one Ralph Montgomery. Now, private eye Brenda Bentley and reporter Bea Casely, both of whom were among the first at the scene and both of whom have their own very strong opinions on the case, are setting out to solve the mystery on their true crime podcast, Arden. Providing, of course, they can stop arguing with each other long enough to solve it. (Or, a not-really-parody-but-definitely-comedy “true crime” podcast where the crime is a retelling of Romeo and Juliet -- and even knowing that, it’s still a genuine mystery with twists and a surprise ending! -- and the hosts are wlw Beatrice and Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing. In other words, it’s perfect. Season 2 is upcoming soon and is adapting Hamlet!!)

Alba Salix/The Axe and Crown -- Another high fantasy workplace sitcom, this one a medical comedy about the titular not-very-personable witch who runs the kingdom’s House of Healing and the various shenanigans she gets into, between her somewhat scatterbrained sister and brother-in-law the king and queen and her assistants, an overly-whimsical fairy and a wannabe monk forced to do community service. The same feed contains The Axe and Crown, a spinoff set in the same world that manages to simultaneously be a sitcom about the staff of a local pub trying to stave off foreclosure and come up with schemes to beat their business rivals, and a heartfelt story about gentrification and recovery starring a gay veteran with PTSD? Which is possibly one of my favorite podcasts? (Also contains one of the most unbelievable crossover cameos possible: Leon Stamatis.)

The Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root -- Also a high fantasy comedy! When a witch transforms heroic Sir Rodney into a small piece of wood, his closest companion Sir Gilbert must set out to cure him by collecting several highly powerful and dangerous relics, accompanied by a snarky dwarfen thief, an imperious princess, a slightly creepy human child raised by fairies, a picky elf sorcerer, a dead unicorn possessed by the ghost of a stoner, and a bard who breaks the fourth wall too much for his own good. So far as I can tell, nobody is straight.

The Amelia Project -- A dark comedy about a secret organization that helps people fake their deaths. Which is honestly a pretty full summary, barring the two important points that 1. this show contains possibly the most continuity-warping crossover event of all time (it’s the center point of this absolutely chaotic diagram), and 2. in one episode Felix Trench plays a character named Bartholomew Fuckface Chucklepants Knucklecracker.

#podcast recs #bobbie recommends things #yujacha #asks #my posts

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Reading beyond the veil: Paranormal book Recommendations From the Pros

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Don’t cross the streams. Never take your hands off a Ouija board without first saying “Goodbye.” The undead has to be invited in. Kill it with fire. Shoot it in the head. Wolfman’s got nards.

When it comes to the entertainment of the unexplained, or paranormal pop culture, humans live in a world(s) populated by all manner of preternatural, supernatural, otherworldly, and extradimensional phenomena. But entertainment also tells us there are rules that bring order to the abnormal – whether it’s a ghost or demon, alien or sasquatch, werewolf or vampire, or even a troll or fairy.

Yet behind every silver bullet solution that makes it into a script, there is typically a wealth of academic study that’s both complicated, and sometimes contradictory. From folklore to grimoire, anthropology to parapsychology, researchers have attempted to document and take a serious look at topics slightly askew from the norm. They are the real-world counterparts of Dr. Spengler, Dr. Van Helsing, and Father Merrin.

(And, perhaps unlike those fictional “experts,” many researchers would likely tell you the more they read up on these topics, the clearer it becomes there is more unknown than known, and more theories than rules.)

With that in mind, we reached out to a few notable figures and esteemed colleagues within the paranormal community to offer reading suggestions that go beyond what pop culture tells us about the unexplained. The following list is a guide for those inspired by the movies and TV shows to take a longer look through the veil, under the bed, at the stars, and into the forest.

Amy Bruni

(Host/Executive Producer, Travel Channel’s Kindred Spirits; Author, Life With The Afterlife):

ESP, Hauntings and Poltergeists: A Parapsychologist’s Handbook by Loyd Auerbach

“While I think it’s highly important to have a library of paranormal books, and to form your own research and investigative methodologies, I almost always recommend Loyd Auerbach’s ESP, Hauntings and Poltergeists: A Parapsychologist’s Handbook as a must have.

It was published in 1986, and is widely cited as one of the books that inspired many of today’s most well-known investigators to investigate the way they do. A good number of Loyd’s methods and theories still ring true, as well as his healthy dose of skepticism. It’s not the type of investigation you see on television, that’s for sure, but it’s got some great ideas to help distinguish between what could be an actual haunting vs a perceived haunting.”

Grant Wilson

(Host/Executive Producer, A&E’s Ghost Hunters):

Morphic Resonance & The Presence of the Past: The Memory of Nature by Rupert Sheldrake

“Rupert Sheldrake, Ph.D., and former research fellow of the Royal Society, guides us through his journey to discover if our memories exist outside ourselves, and how that idea could affect our view on how the entire universe operates. Sheldrake gently opens the mind to this idea with solid thinking, educated speculation, and sound experimentation. More than just a mental exercise, his theory proposes that all self-organizing systems, from crystals to human society share a common memory which guides their collective form and behavior. Basically, the more people learn something, the easier it is for others to learn. Which, if true, would have huge implications in the field of paranormal research, not to mention the fields of biology, chemistry, physics, psychology, and sociology. If our memories are collectively shared and stored outside our own brains, are ghosts simply some sort of manifestation of shared memories? I recommend this book to anyone looking to draw their mind out of the box we so comfortably live in and reshape how we think about well, pretty much everything.”

Jeff Belanger

(Author, Writer/Researcher, Ghost Adventures; Host, New England Legends podcast, and TV series):

Confessions of a Ghost-Hunter by Harry Price

“Published in London in 1936, this is a must-read to see how far paranormal investigation has come (and how little it’s actually changed in almost a century). In the book, Harry Price (1881 – 1948) explores some of his favorite cases, how to test a spirit medium, spirit photography, and he delves into his methods of investigating including equipment, trigger objects, interviews, and theories. Harry Price is the original ghost hunter.

Read it for free online here: https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.218596/page/n9/mode/2up

Ghosts: True Encounters with the World Beyond by Hans Holzer

Parapsychologist Hans Holzer (1920 – 2009) helped usher the paranormal into the mainstream with his many books and media appearances. Originally published in 1997, Holzer profiles some of his favorite cases and the first-hand experiences encountered by the witnesses he interviewed. By 97’, Holzer had reached the age and point of his career where he believed he pretty much had everything figured out. Though I don’t agree with all of his theories or ideas on the afterlife, I tip my hat at his confidence on spelling out the unknown.”

Bryce Johnson

(Actor; Co-host, Bigfoot Collector’s Club podcast):

Where the Footprints End, High Strangeness and the Bigfoot Phenomenon Volume I: Folklore by Joshua Cutchin and Timothy Renner

“What in the hell is really going on with Bigfoot? Is this just a flesh & blood creature like most think, or is there something more “paranormal” taking place? It’s a great question, and one that Cutchin and Renner (both outside-the-box thinkers) tackle head on. It’s hard to deny that these guys are onto something, and after having read it, I don’t think that I can ever go back to thinking that Sasquatch is just an unconfirmed North American Wood Ape. Instead, what if the big guy/gal is more like a wilderness poltergeist? A “Wildnesgeist” if you will. A term coined by the authors. And while the term does not exactly roll off the tongue, it certainly could help explain the strange lights and orbs, sudden dematerialization, telepathic mind-speak, and the countless varieties of size, shape and colors reported with Bigfoot sightings. Books like the aforementioned are an integral piece of the puzzle if we ever wish to get to the bottom of what is really taking place on this strange planet of ours, and perhaps what Vallee did for the UFO phenomenon, Cutchin & Renner could do for the Bigfoot Phenomenon. Overall Rating 4 Bigfeet out of 5!”

M. Belanger

(Comparative religious studies author, The Dictionary of Demons; Paranormal Investigator, Paranormal State, Portals to Hell):

Poltergeist by Colin Wilson

“For those doing research into ghosts and the paranormal, Colin Wilson should be on your bookshelves right next to Hans Holzer. In addition to his landmark eponymous survey, The Occult, Wilson produced numerous books exploring psychic and paranormal phenomena over his decades-long career. My personal favorite is Poltergeist, which explores the concept of destructive hauntings. Extensive, cross-disciplinary research is a hallmark of Wilson’s work, and this book is no exception. Poltergeist includes theories about what these “noisy ghosts” really are, explores psychological and supernatural implications of their manifestations, and recounts numerous documented cases of the phenomena from the ancient through the modern world. Throughout the book, Wilson blends perspectives from psychology, anthropology, folklore, and mythology together with dedicated reporting of modern experiences. I keep my copy next to Harry Price’s book on the same subject.

The Phantom World by Augustin Calmet

“For a deeper dive into the folkloric roots of many of our modern beliefs about ghosts, hauntings, and even vampires, it is worth the search to score a copy of Augustin Calmet’s treatise on the apparitions of spirits and on vampires, often titled simply The Phantom World. This chunky tome covers a wide variety of hauntings, retelling experiences as they were relayed to Calmet himself, often through other members of the clergy. As a French Benedictine monk, Calmet was viewed as an authority on the supernatural and the miraculous, and although he does not apply much in the way of critical analysis to the stories he receives, the fact that he was able to record and publish these tales at all makes up for what modern readers might consider a fairly superstitious nature. As with Glanvill’s Saducismus Triumphatus, it is important to keep in mind that clergy effectively filled the role of paranormal investigators during the 16th, 17th and 18th centuries, collecting, verifying, and disseminating the accounts of their parishioners. Without their writings, credulous as they may in hindsight seem, we would have little access to any record of these strange and frightful encounters. Calmet’s work is of special value because it is one of the fist treatises to collect a wide variety of European vampire encounters, including some of the stories that have proven seminal to vampire folklore as we understand it today.

Demoniality by Lodovico Sinistrari

The final volume I would recommend for modern investigators is a slim treatise produced by another member of the European clergy, this time a Franciscan priest by the name of Lodovico Sinistrari. Sinistrari is arguably where we derive most of our beliefs about incubus and succubus demons, and he collects both his theories on these creatures and several compelling tales in his book, Demoniality. It is a quick and fun read — if, like me, learning about demons is your definition of fun.”

Margee Kerr, Ph.D.

(Sociologist; Author, Scream: Chilling Adventures in the Science of Fear):

On Monsters: An Unnatural History of Our Worst Fears by Stephen T. Asma

“Hailed as “a feast” (Washington Post) and “a modern-day bestiary” (The New Yorker), Stephen Asma’s On Monsters is a wide-ranging cultural and conceptual history of monsters — how they have evolved over time, what functions they have served for us, and what shapes they are likely to take in the future.”

Richard Estep

(Author, Haunted Healthcare; Travel Channel’s Paranormal Night Shift):

This House is Haunted by Guy Lyon Playfair

“In a field that’s chock full of sensationalist books, Guy Lyon Playfair’s This House is Haunted is a breath of fresh air. One of the few comprehensive accounts of a poltergeist-type haunting that runs from the very first incident through to the end, Playfair’s book is a masterclass on how to investigate the paranormal. There’s no drama, no theatricality; seasoned investigator Playfair and his partner, Maurice Grosse of the Society for Psychical Research, examine the strange goings-on in a small house in Enfield with a critical eye, always seeking out rational explanations and debunking whatever they can. This House is Haunted works as a page-turning narrative, but also contains a wealth of information for today’s paranormal enthusiast. As such, it deserves a much wider audience.”

Brian J. Cano

(Paranormal Investigator; Travel Channel’s Paranormal Caught on Camera):

The Encyclopedia of Ghost & Spirits by Rosemary Ellen Guiley

“To me, this is a must-have in any serious paranormal library. It references an impressive amount of material, and I use it often. There may be a name or concept that sounds familiar to me and when I need a refresher, it’s the first tome I reach for. Invariably, as I turn the pages, I get sucked in, and end up delving into many other entries. It’s like an academic supernatural “choose your own adventure”!

How to Hunt Ghosts: A Practical Guide by Joshua P. Warren

“This gem of a guide is perfect for anyone looking to get their feet wet in paranormal investigating. It is thoughtful, comprehensive and delivers the necessary information for anyone to begin doing the work while walking the fine line between skepticism and belief. I’ve recommended it many times over the years and the guide has held up to this day.”

Buy How to Hunt Ghosts: A Practical Guide on Amazon

Ryan Sprague

(Author, Podcast Host, Somewhere In The Skies; Co-host of Mysteries Decoded on the CW):

Communion by Whitley Strieber

“In the 1980s, author Whitley Strieber was best known for his horror novels such as The Hunger and Wolfen. But below the surface of his fictional works was a story so visceral and bizarre, that it would change the course of his career thereafter. This was the 1987 best-seller, Communion. Many are familiar with the now-famous book cover of a beige-colored alien with big, black orbital eyes. But the contents of the book is what truly stays with readers. The story of a man struggling with fractured memories of being taken in the night by what he calls “visitors” and experimented on. The raw and traumatic string of events is what packs the biggest punch in the book. But even stronger are the bigger questions to be asked of this supposedly true story: If we are not alone, and we are being visited, what do these visitors want, and to what lengths will they go for their true agenda? Communion is well written, brutally honest, terrifying, beautiful, and profound in the most alien of ways. It ushered in the alien abduction controversy for many years to come and has ingrained itself into the annals of both pop culture and UFO history forever.”

Buy Communion on Amazon

Lynne S. McNeill, Ph.D.

(Folklorist; Author, Legend Tripping: A Contemporary Legend Casebook):

Aliens, Ghosts, and Cults: Legends We Live and Lucifer Ascending by Bill Ellis

“These two books present a folklorist’s perspective on the kinds of traditions and phenomena that paranormal investigators are interested in. His perspective highlights that folklorists aren’t looking to debunk or prove anything — they simply want to understand the cultural role that these ever-popular topics are playing.”

Buy Aliens, Ghosts, and Cults: Legends We Live on Amazon

Ty Gowen

(Paranormal Investigator, Haunt ME):

Ghost Hunter by Hans Holzer

“This may not be an obscure text in paranormal circles, but that doesn’t make it any less important. Holzer existed in a liminal time for the paranormal, when the obscure community was in the direct center of a century-long shift between the popularity of the Spiritualism of the late-1800s, and its Hollywood resurgence in the mid-2000s.

This book chronicles some of Holzer’s cases while researching in NYC, as well as providing his commentary. This commentary is particularly important to those studying the field. We’re able to get a snapshot of what early research and curiosity were like, before it was tainted by the entertainment industry. It can be a bit dry, but that is part of the appeal; the book isn’t meant to dazzle or secure ratings. It might not be for everyone, but it was definitely a gateway book for me.

Honorable mention (because it’s fiction) is Ghost Stories by Roald Dahl. He read 749 short stories and narrowed it down to 14 for his book, and they’re great! Who knew the guy who wrote BFG was so macabre!”

Buy Ghost Hunter on Amazon

Aaron Sagers

(Creator, ParanormalPopCulture.com; Paranormal Journalist, Paranormal Caught on Camera, Paranormal Lockdown; Co-Executive Producer/Host, Paranormal Paparazzi; Co-Host, NightMerica Podcast):

The Mothman Prophecies by John Keel

“Journalist John Keel remains a giant in the paranormal field, and for me personally, he was the first person whose work I discovered that connected the dots between multiple phenomena. He’s described by some as a UFOlogist, but I think he’s so much more. Before it was a 2002 movie that did wonders for the Chapstick brand, The Mothman Prophecies was Keel’s 1975 book that documented strange sightings around Point Pleasant, West Virginia – which culminated with the lethal collapse of the Silver Bridge in 1967. Yes, this book discusses the winged thing (Cryptid? Demon? Alien? Ultraterrestrial?) eyewitnesses described in Point Pleasant, and gives historical and folkloric context to it, but Keel goes deeper into the story. Though he does have his own conclusions, the author’s journalistic approach, and open-mindedness, served as an inspiration and starting point to me within this strange world. For a second helping of Keel, I’d recommend Operation Trojan Horse.

Buy The Mothman Prophecies on Amazon

A History of Ghosts: The True Story of Seances, Mediums, Ghosts, and Ghostbusters by Peter Aykroyd

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Notice that last name? Yes, Peter Aykroyd is the father of Dan Aykroyd, aka Ray Stantz, Ghostbusters co-writer, UFO aficionado, and entrepreneur of the metaphysically themed Crystal Head vodka. Dan inherited his love of the paranormal honestly, coming from a family of prominent Spiritualists, and in this book, his father discusses the Aykroyds’ role in the belief system popular in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Though it can be a dry read at times, and is not a collection of spooky ghost stories, History takes the reader on a tour of an era of living room seances, mediums, charlatans, eccentric characters, and famous names. I also think there are a lot of parallels to the age of Spiritualism, and the one we’re in now, where reality-TV paranormal programming continues to be a popular genre, and many people seek life answers in the supernatural world.”

Buy A History of Ghosts: The True Story of Seances, Mediums, Ghosts, and Ghostbusters by Peter Aykroyd on Amazon

The post Reading beyond the veil: Paranormal book Recommendations From the Pros appeared first on Den of Geek.

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rutilation · 5 years

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Listen, they’re not evil. They just lack empathy, and go into a dissociative state and commit atrocities.

As much as it pains me to do so, I’m going to start off by talking about the bastard himself. I must say, believing that rage and misery is the inevitable endpoint of a person’s life is an awfully convenient belief for Aechmea to hold when his plan would end all sentient life as collateral damage. If all your victims are better off dead anyway, then your actions don’t warrant any guilt!

There’s a little moment in chapter 67 that has always stuck out to me as being representative of Aechmea’s character, and I think it’s especially relevant to this chapter. It’s the part in which Cairngorm is trying to argue that it’s in Aechmea’s best interest to keep Phos as mentally stable as possible since they’re his staunchest ally amongst the gems. My reaction upon reading that line was that their appraisal of Aechmea’s intentions was very naïve. To the contrary, the more unstable Phos becomes, the easier it is for Aechmea to manipulate them. At this point in the narrative, Phos is no longer carefully treading through negotiations with Aechmea, as they were in volume eight and the beginning of volume nine; they’re now doing exactly what he wants, with gusto, and no thought to the long term consequences. This is entirely deliberate on Aechmea’s part, and indeed, in the very same chapter that Cairngorm brought this up, Aechmea pulled the same trick on them. He made Cairn feel cornered and desperate, presented himself as the sole solution to their problem, and thus Cairn went from being deeply suspicious of Aechmea to…still being deeply suspicious of Aechmea, tbh, but burying it under an ironclad sense of denial. This chapter even contains a callback to chapter 67: Both here and there, Phos/Cairn is broken and despondent, Aechmea is looming over them, and they reach out to weakly cling to his hand.

He asks Barbata to “handle” Phos’s memories of the past two hundred years. That’s an ambiguous line if I’ve ever heard one. Correct me if I’m wrong, but Phos shouldn’t have memories of the past two hundred years, right? I’m not sure if this is implying that he wants Barbata to implant false memories within Phos of the past two hundred twenty years, or—heaven forbid—if he’s implying that Phos actually has memories of the timeskip, and that he wants Barbata to make sure Phos doesn’t lose any of them. If it’s the latter, that would suggest that Phos has, somehow, been conscious this whole time (holy shit,) and that Aechmea doesn’t want Phos to be able to move past those memories. Regardless of what he’s referring to though, the sentiment behind his cryptic order is clear: now that he’s molded Phos into something he can easily control, he’s taking pains to ensure that they’re stuck in their current incarnation, so that they don’t evolve ever again. It brings to my mind this scene in chapter 54, in which Aechmea all but fetishizes Phos’s capacity for change. It was already pretty creepy, but knowing that this is what he intended for Phos to change into adds another layer of wrongness to that exchange.

It’s interesting that just a couple chapters ago, Phos was screaming at Kongou “If only you weren’t here!” But here, the sentiment has completely inverted, and Phos is weeping as they say that Kongou is the only one who still cares for them, and that it’s the gems who shouldn’t be here. In only a few short hours, they’ve gone from directing all their hatred at Kongou, to directing it at everyone except him. Their rage is unformed and all over the place. Good thing Aechmea’s here to refine it to his own ends!

Aechmea says that he’ll answer Cairngorm’s question “when this is all over.” That could imply a couple of different things, depending on what he means by that. If he means he’ll tell Cairn after he’s finished dealing with Phos for this chapter, then that’s one thing. But, if by ‘all over’ he means that he’s not going to say anything until Kongou successfully prays, and his victory is assured--as with the previous secret he was keeping from Cairngorm, then that implies that whatever he was alluding to when he said he had loved Cairngorm since before they came to the moon, it’s probably something awful.

If you’ve been following my essays for a while, you’ll know that I’ve long suspected that some sort of Cairn-related plot twist will rear its ugly head at some point in the near future, and that mind-control eyeballs were perhaps only the tip of the iceberg. Well, after nearly a year of deliberation, I’ve settled on my personal theory of what this plot twist could be, but it’s far outside the scope of an essay focused on a single chapter, so I’m going to post my thoughts on that in another essay sometime in the coming weeks. Keep an eye out for it if you want to see me go fully and embarrassingly tinfoil hat. (With my luck, chapter 83 is going to reveal what Aechmea meant by his cryptic statement before I get that essay done, and it’s going to be something banal, thus ruining my precious conspiracy theory.)

But enough about cornmeal and acne man, let’s talk about the trajectory Phos seems to be on, and also about Cinnabar.

For quite a while now, it’s been a pretty popular theory that Cinnabar will eventually kill Phos with their mercury, and it does feel like things could head in that direction. Phos is so far gone that they’re willing to kill anyone in their path, and in so much pain that their death could be construed as a mercy. And since they can best Bort in a fight, it would seem that Cinnabar’s mercury is the only thing that could actually stop them, especially since it could chemically bind to their alloy and poison Phos from the inside out. To be perfectly honest though, something about this potential course of events has always rubbed me the wrong way, but until this chapter, I hadn’t been able to pinpoint exactly what it was I didn’t like.

The whole story was started because Phos thought Cinnabar deserved better than their miserable lot in life. At no point did Phos, or the narrative for that matter, ever suggest that it would be for the best if Cinnabar were simply put out of their misery. Their plight warranted not just a release from pain, but a better life to replace it. And as they are now, Cinnabar probably doesn’t want to die anymore, and I imagine they’re glad they didn’t go through with their passive attempt at suicide. (Come to think of it, I think they’re the sole character who’s moved away from being suicidally depressed over the course of the story, instead of gradually succumbing to it.) So, now that the shoe is thoroughly on the other foot, and Phos is the one at rock bottom, it would leave a really bad taste in my mouth if Cinnabar’s response to Phos’s pain ends up being: “Yeah, you should die.”

So, although the plot is probably going maneuver Cinnabar into a situation in which they have to decide whether or not to kill Phos, I hope that it’s ultimately in service of that not coming to pass.

Speaking of Cinnabar, I really hope we finally get more insight into them in these coming chapters. Broadly speaking, more stuff has happened with them the past twenty or so chapters than most of the rest of the series. Their whole life was upended, they (seemingly) made a friend in Bort, and they’re finally making choices that affect the plot, which hasn’t really happened since volume two. But, despite all this, we don’t really know what they’re actually thinking, of what emotions they’ve been going through. You can make some inferences, but that’s not really as affecting as experiencing their perspective firsthand, and I think that’s why people get the impression that they’ve been made irrelevant to the story, despite the fact that they’ve been contributing to the plot lately. So, hopefully we’ll finally get some further elaboration on them in the near future; I think it would remedy the issue quite a bit.

I’ve been thinking lately that what Cinnabar did to Phos in this arc is kind of a grim mirror of how Phos’s desire to help Cinnabar became muddied over the course of the story. I don’t believe that Cinnabar was acting out of malice in chapter 78 when they suggested burying Phos in pieces. If they genuinely wanted Phos dead, they could have encouraged the earth gems to go along with Rutile’s murderous impulses, instead of coming up with a plan in which Phos might come back eventually—certainly no one else in that scene, sans Euclase, voiced any objection to Rutile’s idea, and if Cinnabar hadn’t spoken up, they all might have gone along with it. I think it’s quite possible that they were attempting to protect Phos by trying to appease the other gems’ enmity in a way that wouldn’t bring Phos permanent harm.

But, just like how Phos’s ever-shifting goalposts pushed Cinnabar to the back of their mind over the course of the story, it’s possible that their new life among the gems had the same effect on Cinnabar. Thus, in their mind, Phos was relegated to an important but altogether distant obligation that they’d deal with later, when the time was right. But since these are gems we’re talking about, the time is never right, and complicated problems like these never get dealt with. And just like how it was cruel and thoughtless when Phos put Cinnabar on the backburner, it’s cruel here too—especially if, as I speculated earlier, Phos was somehow awake this whole time.

Because I am a sentimental sap who still has a little bit of hope for a bittersweet ending instead of a complete tragedy, I think that Cinnabar might actually be a wild card in this situation, one who has the potential to save Phos from themselves. (I’m sorry. I can’t help myself. My mind is stuck in power-of-friendship mode, and it’ll probably stay there until Ichikawa beats the idealism out of me, just like she beat it out of Phos.) Keeping in mind what things Aechmea has been able to deduce either through direct observation through Phos’s eye, or what might have been reported to him from any Lunarians returning from an attack on earth, he doesn’t have enough information to figure out that Phos had a strong connection to Cinnabar. Although he’s confident now that Phos has no ties to anything they once loved, and is wholly dependent on him, the previous chapter shows that Cinnabar still means something to Phos, even in this state. Since all of this exists in a blind spot for Aechmea, I think it has the potential to muck up his plans—if Ichikawa deigns it to be so, of course.

Now let’s talk about symbolism, because there’s a lot of it. First off, I want to talk about a pattern I noticed regarding Phos’s changes, one which I discussed in the very first meta I wrote for the series. At the time, I speculated that the title of the art book, Pseudomorph of Love, was hinting at this pattern, but when the artbook was translated later courtesy of @red-dia, it turns out that said title was alluding to something totally different. Nevertheless, I think I may have inadvertently stumbled onto a method regarding Phos’s changes that seems too consistent to not be deliberate, and I’ll reiterate it here: With the very notable exception of the pearl eye, down to even the most minor of losses, every permanent loss and addition to Phos’s body has been tied to an attempted act of kindness. Specifically, Phos loses parts when trying to do something altruistic, and they are given new parts out of kindness on another characters part.

They had to have contaminated parts of their body scraped away after trying to save Cinnabar from falling.

They lost their legs while trying to help Ventricosus return home, and gained the new legs because of an act of kindness on her part.

Although the ice flows initially tried tempting Phos into giving up their arms by reflecting their self-loathing, it was only when they frightened Phos with the idea that Cinnabar might kill themselves if Phos doesn’t change quickly enough that they accidentally-on-purpose lost their arms. While Antarc initially dismissed the gold they ended up giving to Phos as useless, they changed their tune when they noticed Phos projecting their own low self-esteem onto the gold. To me, it seems like the act of giving Phos the gold was their way of telling Phos that they’re not worthless.

They lost a bunch of small pieces while trying to save Antarcticite

They lost their head while trying to save Cairn’s arm. And then Cairn... uh… Let’s put a pin in that for now, and come back to it when their character arc has progressed a bit further. The element of mind control eyeballs that may or may not even be real makes the situation a bit more fraught than I care to get into right this very second.

They lost Lapis’s hair while shielding Morga and Goshe from the Lunarians.

They gave away a piece of their leg so the Admirabilis would know they weren’t holding a grudge against Ventricosus

With that established, let’s talk about the pearl eye. The moment they received it was practically an inverse of the established pattern. It was a transformation motivated by spite on Phos’s part, and for Aechmea, it was an opportunity to exert control over them. Even the act of receiving the pearl eye made them sick, mysterious human particles notwithstanding. The ensuing chapters after they received the pearl eye are, as I’m sure you’re all aware, a whole lot darker and meaner than what the story had been up to that point. If I had to draw a dividing line between the part of hnk that is simply melancholy, and the part that makes the reader feel like a frog in boiling water, I’d use Phos’s first trip to the moon to demarcate these two tones—and the symbol that heralded this descent into hell was the introduction of an unkind addition to Phos’s body.

That brings us to the matter of their most recent loss. Since it’s now apparent that they won’t be getting their other parts back, we can look back on the moment they lost those parts for good and see if it fits the previous pattern, and in my opinion, it does. The reason Phos was in that situation was because they were making a last ditch effort to do right by everyone else, and take responsibility for their mistakes. It was at this point that they mustered up the last bit of kindness and courage they still had in their heart.

But the loss of a given part is only one half of the equation, which begs the question: with what sentiment will Barbata give Phos their replacements? Barbata has subtly given off the impression that he feels guilty about his role in the various atrocities the Lunarians have undertaken, and is disillusioned with Aechmea, but is as of yet unwilling to actually go against him. If there’s ever going to be a point in the story in which he decides to do the right thing instead of just following orders, it’s now or never. I’m counting on you, pasta man. Follow your conscience for once! Either way, whether Phos’s reconstruction ends up being an act of kindness on Barbata’s part, or simply another expression of Aechmea’s corruption is, in my opinion, a crucial distinction that will have ramifications for the future of Phos’s character arc. Speaking of which, it now seems like Red Diamond is the most likely candidate for a replacement, since Padparadscha is busy being asleep on earth.

I’ve talked about how a character’s eyeballs and where they got them from symbolizes their worldview, broadly speaking. This chapter seems to be a continuation of that. Kongou shaped the gems’ worldview, which is symbolized by him giving them their eyes, Cairngorm’s devotion to Aechmea is accompanied by them adopting eyes that Aechmea made for them, during the time that Phos was trying to balance the needs of both the gems and the Lunarians, they had an eye from both Kongou and Aechmea, and now that Phos only has the single pearl eye left, they’re thinking with a one-track mind from a distinctly Lunarian perspective: that everything that gets in the way of their salvation needs to die.

I also find it interesting that Phos’s original material is mostly intact, and what they’ve lost are chunks of their legs and head. It probably symbolizes something, but my brain is starting to leak out of my ears at this point, so I’m just going to remember it for later and see if the meaning becomes clearer in retrospect.

Regarding Phos’s alloy shaping itself into a lotus’s seedpod, my first reaction was that it was a rather ambivalent symbol to use in the context of Phos’s downfall. On one hand, the seedpod only appears when the highly symbolic flower dies, but on the other hand, while the flower is the part of the plant to which a number of cultures have ascribed auspicious meanings like purity and renewal, it is the humble, unsightly seedpod that goes about the actual business of rebirth.

But, as @rinboz pointed out in a post on the subject, it appears to be specifically evoking the image of an empty seedpod. If that’s what Ichikawa is going for, then the meaning is unambiguously ominous, to put it mildly.

Lastly, I brought up in my previous essay that it was highly convenient that Phos happened to trip off the table at the last possible second, and in a manner so noisy that it woke the other gems, no less. In this chapter, Phos lays the blame for their failure on the earth gems interfering… but that only happened because Phos made a racket. I speculated that they may have subconsciously sabotaged themselves—it certainly wouldn’t be the first time. I don’t know how likely that possibility is, but I think it’s one worth keeping in mind.

Well, that was heavy. But on a lighter note, I think it may be time for me to update the only good meta I’ve ever written, birdseki no kuni. What should Phos 4.0 be? I think this feral demigod of vengeance ought to be represented by a real apeshit bird, like an Australian magpie, or something. This will require further deliberation.

#houseki no kuni #finally got this done #i haven't checked if the leaks are out yet #but if they are i hope they don't invalidate half this post #land of the lustrous

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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Can we just talk about all the age reversal aus where Robin is still a thing before Dick comes around??? It makes no sense!!!! Ik you’ve done a post on the importance of Robin before and it just really ticks me off!!! Like, if Damian is the oldest, why would he go by a bird name when he works with Batman? It would make more sense to be like ‘Shadow’ or ‘Shriken’ or just plain ‘Batkid’ but all these authors use the name Robin and then show Jason being resentful when Dick takes it over. Just wtf?

Tbh, I don’t have a ton to say on that particular subject other than I agree with you on it not making a lot of sense, because I just don’t really tend to read age reversal AUs anymore. They’re just not a premise that draws me in, y’know? I have issues with the way Dick’s status as the oldest brother tends to lead to him and his own problems being taken for granted at times, but the solution to that which I’m looking for is to have that addressed, not to have Dick just not be the oldest sibling anymore. I like Dick the way he is….I’m as fond of AUs as the next person, but ones that kinda alter the core of him just aren’t for me.

Like….how to put this…..from my perspective, I’ve noticed that outside of fics by authors who consider themselves Dick stans first and foremost out of all the characters, there’s three distinct tropes in the vast majority of fics where Dick plays a major role, and is regarded sympathetically rather than being in the way:

1) Fics about Tarantula, 2) Fics where Dick is a Talon and 3) Age Reversal AUs.

And the one common element in these tropes is they’re most commonly utilized while depicting Dick as particularly vulnerable, to the extent that he’s like….dependent on the other characters.

In the vast majority of Tarantula fics - majority, not all, there are exceptions of course - but the common thread is Dick tends to have very little agency in even the aftermath of what happened with Tarantula. He’s usually not granted the right of disclosure….people find out despite his wants there, and often despite his attempts to keep it from them (huge pet peeve just btw…..people, disclosure is a HUGELY big deal to survivors, because its one of THE single most powerful ways in which survivors take back control over their lives….they might not have control over what happened, but they can control who they tell about it and when. The tendency to write fics about survivors but displaying no real thought towards the fact that many survivors NEED agency over who they disclose to and when, is part of why I tend to rant about people kinda….commercializing this particular trauma even while saying they do so in the name of spreading awareness or healing or stuff like that….because they’re not actually like….thinking about things from the viewpoint of the survivor. In many instances, stealing a survivor’s right to disclose at the time and place of their choosing can be massively retraumatizing in its own way. And again, please don’t talk to me about how I’m generalizing or insisting there’s only one right way to write survivors…I know I’m generalizing, I’m talking about TRENDS, not specific fics, and I’m not saying its NEVER okay to write things this way, I’m simply commenting on how often things ONLY seem to be written this way).

But anyway, point is, a common theme throughout these fics is that despite Dick being central to them, its a story ABOUT him and what happened to him, rather than actually being HIS story. He himself has very little role in many of these stories, they’re more about what the others do to avenge him, or to take care of him, etc…..which is great in principle….I just can’t help but note the emphasis on him being dependent on others throughout it.

Which brings us to number two, fics where Dick is a Talon…..I’ve talked before how I just kinda can’t, and back out of fics where Dick remains a Talon or altered by the Talon process, because I think most people do that as kind of a metaphor for a disability and finding ways to live with a disability, but to me it will always read as body horror, because this isn’t so much Dick being disabled as it is him being altered head to toe in very deliberate ways by his abusers with the intention of making him something other than he is, and something he never ever chooses or wants to be. And the fact that there’s no need to write stories with disability metaphors, you can just write a character having a disability, so it always kinda feels unnecessary to me, personally, and an inherent tragedy because this was DONE to Dick, and thus is a permanent reminder of his abuse at the hands of his abusers….which is not inherently the same thing as adjusting to life with a disability, though there can be overlap, obviously.

But the other tendency of the Talon Dick trope is how often this results in him being mentally altered. And not just in a brainwashed kind of way, as many of these fics have him raised as a Talon since his parents died and then rescued by the Batfam….but his entire mentality, personality and way of processing things and even speaking is altered….and the thing that bugs me about this is…..why? Why is this choice so prevalent in these fics, when there’s literally nothing innate about the Talons in canon that says the Talon process mentally changes their minds and personalities in this kind of way? Most of the Talons we see don’t speak….because they’re intended to be seen as mindless minions, a force of nature rather than people….its meant to add to their mystique, their threat, their legend….largely on orders of the Court, who thrives on those kind of things. But who is the Talon we see the most of in canon, the Talon that we’re specifically told time and time again the Court means Dick to replace, be the heir of? William Cobb.

And William is nothing like the way Dick is depicted in most Talon fics. He’s the same as he was before he was changed, just with the changes to his biology now. Mentally and personality-wise, he’s still the same as he was before it. And even in the recent Nightwing comic where Ric was finally brainwashed into being the Talon the Court has been manipulating him towards becoming throughout this storyline…..obviously, the Talon process hadn’t occurred yet, but even with the brainwashing, Ric mentally was still himself in the sense that he could process things, make decisions, speak all just the same as he did before he put on the brainwashing goggles….he didn’t speak most of the time because again, Talons are meant by the Court to be mostly silent enigmas….but when pressed, he was absolutely still capable of it, the same as before.

So again, the question is….why this particular choice, with this trope? To have Dick so radically altered not just in body, and with the emphasis rarely even placed on his bodily changes, as usually they come up with some tech disguise for him or use makeup to make him appear the same as he usually does, at which point his changes aren’t mentioned all that much other than to display his healing factor. No, the emphasis by and large is to how different he is mentally….even though there’s literally nothing about the Talon the Court wants him to be in canon, which dictates that he has to be in any way mentally altered by the process of becoming one. It isn’t his mental faculties the Court has a problem with, its his morals. No other brainwashing or mental conditioning method in comics or fics places such a strong emphasis on limiting the person’s mental capabilities rather than just altering their morality and way of thinking…so why is it different here, with Dick’s stories? And the only common result I can ever find is that it diminishes Dick’s autonomy and makes him vulnerable in a specific way where he’s dependent on the others to a huge degree, due to being less socially capable or even just mentally capable on his own.

And then finally we have the reverse ages AUs, in which Dick is still himself as he was as a young Robin in canon…..just the baby of the family, doted on and protected by his family, who are all fiercely defensive of him and in many of these stories, drop everything to rush to his aid when he’s in danger and rescue him. Which again, is perfectly fine in theory, but the thing this raises for me is…..how distinct this is from Dick’s actual time as Robin, where the actual emphasis was on how capable he was despite his young age, how autonomous and independent and competent even when face to face with villains twice his size and three times his age.

Situations like with Two-Face were the exception in his stories, not the norm…..much like the later Robins, like Jason before his death, Tim for over a decade in comics, Damian to this day….all roughly the same age Dick is in these reverse Robin AUs…..but when has Damian ever been depicted as that vulnerable and in need of his siblings’ protection, in canon? When was Tim? And in Dick’s own time as Robin when he was actually that age in canon…..how would he have ever lasted as Robin without all these older siblings in canon, let alone managed to become the inspiration for entire generations of other child heroes….if he weren’t as capable of protecting himself as he was…in actual canon?

Again, the focus of the premise, like with the other two tropes, often seems geared towards emphasizing a vulnerability that is kinda just…chosen for Dick, rather than being an inevitability of that trope, and results in him being particularly dependent on the rest of his family.

Understand, I’m not saying this to say oh these fics are all bad and shouldn’t exist, lol, I’m just expressing the common element through all of them that’s why they don’t appeal to me in particular - because as I’ve always emphasized in pretty much all my posts, one of the greatest appeals to me about Dick Grayson, and one of the things I love about him most, is his fierce independence, his commitment to being his own person and standing on his own two feet. And its why I have an issue with the common thread of infantilization that runs through a lot of the fanon tropes that treat him as though he’s incapable of feeding himself, clothing himself, or even cleaning up after himself or conducting himself in public without the help of others.

Because my issue isn’t that these things exist, its that I’m always going to want to know WHY.

Why, when Dick’s core characterization has always revolved around his insistence on his own personal agency and autonomy…..do so many stories revolve around…..denying him this, or stripping it away?

Why is it that he’s most appealing to many people when he’s not just dependent on his family, but forced to be dependent by the very premise of a story, with no choice or alternative in the matter?

What makes that such a common trend, and with his character in specific, as opposed to Jason, Tim, Damian, etc….none of whom display similar trends in their stories or most prevalent tropes?

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lilithsgayadoptednephew · 4 years

Text

Holy Hands

Fandoms: Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Not Rated Graphic Depictions Of Violence F/M, Other Complete Work

Chapter List

Chapter 26

How could MC possibly hide from him all day in such a small house? Lucifer searched every room including the basement, then he checked the town, finally he double-checked the house and still came up empty.

He would find them, he wanted his answers and he'd get them one way or another. That being said...he missed them. They always avoided him now unless they were reminding him to eat. He wanted to get back to how things were before they'd moved to earth. When they could banter and have fun in each other's presence.

What had changed?

As the night fell he retired to MCs room, defeated. The only way they could've evaded his search was if they'd sprouted wings and flown away. He could see them now standing on the roof to take off.

The roof…

MCs room was on the second story, but the garage roof was only one story tall. Which meant in theory…

Getting up from MCs bed he walked to their window and peered through the curtain.

Sure enough there MC sat on a convenient ledge of roof just under the window, face turned to the night sky. He felt victory well up in him as he opened the window to address them.

"Ah so I've finally found your hiding spot." Lucifer smirked in triumph as he stuck his head out the window. With a sigh they dropped their head.

"Good evening Lucifer," they didn't look at him as they spoke. "What have you eaten today?"

"Everything you've made me eat, you know I don't need you doing that. I'm fully capable of feeding myself."

"Have you drank water today?" They asked blandly. Lucifer cringed, water was something he wasn't fond of indulging in anymore.

"Yes… a little."

"Ok"

Then there was silence.

"Why can't you just tell me why you're avoiding me?" He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, is that what you wanted to know? I had no idea…"

"You will tell me."

"That right there"

"What?"

"That" MC twisted around to face Lucifer. "You haven't actually asked, you've just demanded an answer." They turned back around and looked at the sky again. "I don't owe you anything…" Even though their words were irritated, their tone was simple and wistful as they looked up at the starry sky.

"You don't seem to understand MC, you–"

"Stop talking from the window and get out here" they shook their head. Lucifer stopped and examined the small window. It was a tight squeeze but he managed to step out onto the roof. Standing beside MC he saw what they were staring at. The trees blocked a lot of the surrounding light pollution. The stars showed brilliant strips in the sky, even the Milky Way was visible. They were never this bright in the Devildom.

"Have you considered that you're just...too distracting?" MC interrupted his admiring the sky. He looked down at them but they didn't meet his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I have nine people in a house barely fit for two. And…" they shook their head.

"And what?"

"It doesn't matter, I'll figure it out. It's just taking a lot of work." Lucifer looked down and thought to himself. Thought about how much work MC was actually doing for all of them. Picking up extra shifts, making sure his brothers were comfortable, making sure Lucifer did basic things he should be able to do himself.

Maybe they had been a little justified in accusing him of slacking, from an outside perspective it did look like he'd given up. He looked down at them and thought, maybe looking down on them was the whole problem. He sat beside them, demon next to human, and he asked again with less force.

"What is it?" MC paused before answering.

"We're broke"

"What?"

"I'm completely out of money…" they buried their head in their arms folded on their knees. He was immediately in solution mode, no longer would he be slacking.

"That's alright, my brothers and I can work, we've done it before. It's the least we can do after all you've shared with us."

"Okay, but let's not think about it, not out here" they looked back up to the stars. The night air shuffled the inky branches of the surrounding trees, an ominous scene against the starry sky. "I don't think of real things out here."

Lucifer watched their face, a small smile on their lips. They looked tired, but peaceful.

"Why do all of our conversations have to be tense?" He didn't even know he was speaking until he'd asked. He had no proof they'd ever loved him, but he had a suspicion, and now they only ever tried to make him go away. They gave him a strange look but answered anyway.

"I tried to be on good terms with you, I just...you freaked me out when you yelled at me."

"Pardon?" Lucifer didn't remember yelling at MC.

"Before…" they waved their hand at the general situation. "This...you tried to take Acacia's phone away, remember?" He did remember, but that felt like a lifetime ago. Technically it was since he'd died.

"I was not in a good place." He admitted tightly, staring ahead of him.

"Yeah I know you were stressed and scared, but a lot of what you said... wasn't ok." Now Lucifer was confused.

"I understand I may have yelled when I shouldn't have, and I spoke in a rude manner, but I didn't say anything I didn't mean."

Wrong move. MC stood and looked down at him. "Then we have nothing to talk about." They started to leave, Lucifer wasn't going to stop them, if they were going to act like a child that was their problem. They stopped and stood for a moment. Then they lowered themself back down to sit beside him again.

"No, we do have something to talk about. Avoiding each other isn't helping this so we're gonna get to the bottom of it." With that they turned to him. "You meant what you said? For real?"

"Yes, I did mean it. It's my job to keep you safe as long as you're in the Devildom, well it was, and that means sometimes you just have to trust what I say."

There was a tense silence.

"That is not what you said"

"You call me a liar?"

"No I think your memory's shot from the stress you were under and the fact that you drowned recently." They placated.

"Fine" he conceded, "what do you think I said."

"I wrote it down." They deadpanned. Springing up from their seat they climbed into the house.

"You what?" He had not expected them to have recorded the event. He heard them dig around their room for a minute before returning to his side. They opened their journal and thumbed through it for a while, finally coming to the page they were looking for.

"Here," they pointed to a passage scrawled on the page. It was hard to see in the dim light but they read it aloud easily.

"'You must be confused MC, the only one who will be figuring this out is me. The rest of you are to stay out of trouble here in the house.'

'You are mine to keep and you will do as I say.'"

They gave the book to Lucifer so he could see better. They'd doodled some very disturbing and angry imagery that dangerously resembled his demon form. "Yeah then your horns and shit came out and you tried to back me into a corner."

Lucifer stared at the page. That's...not how he remembered it.

"I...said this? Looked like this?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer. It seemed like something he'd say unfortunately.

"Yeah, but you were really stressed." They shrugged.

"I didn't mean to sound so...possessive. I don't know how I was trying to sound honestly." He shook his head and gave the book back to MC.

"Wanna hear my guess?" They raised an eyebrow. His curiosity got the better of him.

"By all means."

"Well, and stop me if I'm wrong, but I think at least subconsciously you don't understand I'm...a person." They paused to gauge his reaction, his face remained carefully neutral. "You're a person, obviously. You have a unique thought process and outlook and values...but you're so far above a human like me, you never really grasp that I have that too. Just as much as you."

He couldn't help feeling a little patronized by their psychoanalysis, but he had agreed to it. They were on a roll now.

"I think you see me as more of a pet. Something too ignorant to know what's best for it, something you have to protect and order around so it doesn't get itself killed."

That one hit him a little too close. Had he really thought of them like that? He had to admit now that he was drawing comparisons, MC did hold a similar place in his mind as, say, Cerberus.

"Why?" He asked suddenly. MC was pulled out of their rant.

"What?"

"Why do I do that?" The question sounded rhetorical, but MC thought about it nonetheless.

"Maybe it's because you think so highly of yourself? I mean you're the Avatar of Pride and the definition of pride is to put yourself...above... God…" they trailed off, lightbulbs going off in their brain. "I bet that's it."

"What is?"

"God. God made angels to love him always, no matter what, you weren't given a choice."

"What does that–"

"Shut up and let me put this together" they waved him off. He wasn't comfortable with the subjects they were breaching, but they were on an interesting path. "God gave the humans the choice of whether or not to love him but he never gave the angels that choice. You see yourself above God and God didn't see your autonomy, so why should you see that in a human?"

He was actually really uncomfortable now, and it must've shown because he MC stopped their conspiracy there.

"Perhaps...my issues with my father went deeper than I realized." He said quietly.

"Oh no...I broke my own rule." They chuckled. He raised an eyebrow. "No thinking about real stuff on the roof." He was happy they were trying to lift the mood slightly. The roof really did feel like a place dark thoughts didn't belong.

"Ask me something stupid" he said. MC blinked at the unexpected request.

"Why?"

"Because I miss talking to you about meaningless things." He sighed. MC smiled, it was a simple enough reason.

"Ok lemme think" they were quiet for a moment. "Ok got it, so...nah that one's too stupid." They shook their head.

"No what is it?" He insisted.

"Heh ok well...is Satan like...your son?" They asked. Oh no, that was a weird one.

"That's complicated, you see he is made from my anger so in a way he's...how would a human say…a clone?"

"Really" they seemed genuinely interested.

"Yes" he was encouraged that they weren't unnerved by the subject. "Though I suppose in a way he's my... son" he admitted. "More than he's my brother."

"Then why do you call him a brother?" He didn't speak for a moment.

"I was far too young to be called... especially since I wasn't very fond of the man I knew who was called 'father'." He shrugged. The blush on his face gave away his embarrassment, but he didn't seem uncomfortable any more.

"Your turn." They said.

"To ask you a question?" He guessed, they nodded. He had a few silly questions he could ask, but he decided against it. They had made him very uncomfortable before and he couldn't just let that go without retaliation.

"Why did you stop loving me?" He decided to ask. He wasn't upset, but he was curious. He'd expected them to be thrown by the presumptuous question, but they took it in stride.

"I didn't." They shrugged

"Then what do you want from me?" He turned to them and fixed them with a stare.

"Nothing" now that he couldn't believe. How could they claim to love him but not want anything from him?

"You must be confused, surely you love something about me that you want. Is it protection? Status? Loyalty? I can offer you a lot if you just tell me what it is." His tone sounded light, but inside he was pleading. He'd had feelings for them for so long he was willing to give them anything their heart desired. And that was before they'd taken in his family, shared everything they had and resurrected him from the dead.

Didn't they know he owed them the world?

"'you must be confused'" they mimicked his tone. Did he really sound that condescending? "I don't want anything from you Lucifer. That's not how loving someone works."

He rolled his eyes in disbelief and they laughed a breathy laugh. As if having to explain it was silly to them. They thought for a moment on how to best put it into words.

"I love you...like I love the night sky" they decided. He looked up again at the beautiful night tapestry. "It's too far away to reach, but that's ok because I don't need to touch it. It's far too vast for me to understand, but I don't have to understand it to love it. It's there whether or not I show up to see it. And it's so beautiful no words could ever describe it." Their wistful eyes weren't on the sky as they spoke, but on Lucifer.

"It owes me nothing." They finished.

He was left speechless at the comparison. They had said no words were enough to describe the night sky but Lucifer had to disagree. What they'd just said was far more beautiful.

He was silent as he sat beside them, human next to human. He was silent for so long they must've thought the conversation was over. They stood slowly and bid him a quiet "night" before climbing back into their room. Lucifer just stared at where they'd disappeared from.

He thought he loved MC, but his idea of 'love' as a form of control was a far cry from the exalting definition they'd given him. To see someone just as they are, and to expect nothing. MC was a perplexing human indeed, their dignity and intelligence something he'd sought to own. Never taken the time to just see. As he thought of them he understood a little better that in the end they weren't his.

And they owed him nothing.

#obey me!#obey me fanfic #Holy Hands

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