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#circle of birth and death
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From Anglicans Online
We doubt whether the name of Richard Hillary is particularly well known to many. Born in 1919 in Sydney, early in his life he came to England, was educated at Shrewsbury, and proceeded to Trinity College, Oxford. Possessed of a personality that courted daring and danger, he joined the University Air Squadron in 1938 and was called up to the Royal Air Force in 1939. He was handsome, flirtatious, and a bit unthinking. He flew brilliantly, but took risks. In August 1940 his plane was hit by gunfire and he bailed out of it, horrifically burned. Spending three excruciating months in hospital, he underwent a series of experimental plastic surgeries. He was eventually released, his striking face somewhat rebuilt, but still bearing the scars. His muscles were irreparably damaged and his movements forever impaired, but he insisted on resuming flying, despite being barely able to manipulate a knife and fork at the dinner table and despite all recommendation to the contrary. Hillary's last fatal flight was 'round midnight, 8 January 1943, wintry and windy. Shortly after take-off his plane straightaway ran into difficulty. The undercarriage would not come down for landing and the fuel was running low. Hillary and his navigator were instructed to circle a beacon near the centre of the aerodrome. 'Are you happy?', came the somewhat unusual question from the radiotelephone operator, querying their dire situation. 'Moderately', replied Hillary. 'I am continuing to circle'. Minutes after, the plane began losing altitude and soon smashed into the ground, killing both. On this last day after Pentecost or Sunday next before Advent or Stir-up Sunday or the Feat of Christ the King (however one counts it), Hillary's last words — 'I am continuing to circle' — resonate. We have come to the end of the Christian liturgical year, having woven our Sundays and Holy Days into yet one more annual ring of celebration, observance, feast, and fast. We have formed our circle once again. And yet, and yet, only for this life. Our yearly ring, through God's mercy and at a time unknown to us, will slow and stop. Our time will no longer be measured by feast and fast or marked off as 'ordinary'. We shan't 'continue to circle'. Our journey continues in a way we know not. But we trust it will continue, spiralling towards the centre, towards God. 'The disagreement between the two kinds of religion is chiefly on the point whether it is a good thing or a bad thing to be born at all', writes Eithne Wilkins*, continuing: 'The negative wheel is that which merely circles, causing birth and death to recur ceaselessly, and it also broke the spiked wheel of human passions under which we are torn to pieces. St Catherine might be regarded as a good Buddhist in that through her prayers she broke the wheel, so that it could no longer harm her, and after she was decapitated her unsullied body was wafted away by angels. She did not, in a negative sense, "continue to circle". The positive wheel is not that on which we dismally recognize "This is where we came in", but that with a spiralling movement towards the centre. It is the great glowing round that is also the western window, the rose'. We are part of the circle game of life, made meaningful by our following the pattern of Christian fast and feast, and marking the yearly passage of our pilgrimage. Our Lord broke through the circle of life and death on that first Easter, shattering its meaninglessness once for all: 'The Last Enemy to be destroyed is death'†. The circle was broken here on earth, spiralling to an eternal circle in the life of the world to come. Double helix indeed! And now — here's where we 'come in' — we stand on the threshold of Advent, waiting in this strange end-of-year space briefly before we enter that dark quiet time of count-down once again. The liturgical year is indeed a way of time travel, a circularity that brings with it the story of salvation. Our parts are waiting for us, if we will join in.
[Alive On All Channels]
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salty-beez · 1 year
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Annnnd another thing - don't know what's up with this planet - but it seems like the boiling isles is almost a titan graveyard. If you look in the background you can see two other titan corpses which implies that this is where titan's go to die or had just become the sight of genocide (or maybe both).
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But there is an implication that there are more types of titan magic to uncover or at least societies that seem to predate those on the boiling isles as the level of decomposition for the body on the left is greater than our titan. Maybe it had something to do with still being partially alive, who knows.
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pro-birth · 2 years
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“Birth is a moment where a woman touches between life and death!” Stfu lmao
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akatusk · 2 months
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what were the "big three" of falmeri culture... passes you the microphone
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sspacegodd · 9 months
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You're randomly born Helplessly alive And doomed to die.
Relax.
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idolbound · 1 year
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For the record, after the Qunari invasion and Viscount Dumar’s death, Meredith opted to enact martial law over the city-state of Kirkwall, refusing any and all attempts to replace him, which essentially made herself the de facto Viscount.
In this time, where tensions were rising, and Meredith eventually got her hands on the red lyrium sword, her already existing paranoia increased tenfold. It was at this point that she wrote a letter to Divine Justinia in Val Royeaux, requesting permission in advance to invoke the Rite of Annulment (according to Ser Karras in game).
Meredith was rightfully denied; of course, the urgency of apostates and maleficarum was not ignored, but the Divine likely did not want existing tensions to rise. Had Meredith enacted the Rite sooner, all hell most definitely would’ve  broken loose; she’d have had no rightful justification to act in such an extreme measure, only her deep-seated fears and paranoia.
However, with Anders’ actions in blowing up the Chantry and killing Grand Cleric Elthina (the only person with power to keep Meredith leashed and in check), alongside Meredith’s exasperated state because of the idol’s influence, that was justification enough to invoke the rite, even if the Circle mages had nothing to do with it. She cites that the people of the city would demand ‘retribution’, but that simply covers a longstanding desire to ‘purify’ the Gallows with ‘fire and blood’ 
Meredith is the templar extremist (and a direct foil to Anders’ extremism, more than Orsino, who holds the the middle-ground view, and willing to make compromises), and this is the dominating factor. Of course, the undue influence of the idol pushed her even further, faster, but in my view, she would’ve gotten there on her own, eventually.
It was just a matter of time. 
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unknownshiny · 7 months
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it's crazy how much blood mosquitoes steal from me, just squished two in my hand and now i gotta wash em cause i look like i murdered someone. mosquito season is like a constant period level loss of blood, if i was a superhero I'd be anemia-man
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ioniiaa · 3 months
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My Darling, My Honey
Alastor X Fem!Reader (Part 7)
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7
Quick Notes:
You, the reader who is an artist, and had become Alastor's sweetheart, have just died.
Alastor is about to find out.
Part 7:
The sound of a singular gunshot rang clearly in the night that had been so peacefully quiet up until that moment in time.
Alastor, with the engagement ring in his pocket, who had been peacefully reading a novel within the confines of your shared home, nearly ripped his book in half upon hearing the sound of a gunshot in these woods.
The forest around here was part of his private property, anyone who dared to trespass or hunt in his neck of the woods was shot on sight. Many people ignored the plentiful and very obvious warning signs, so it wasn't his fault so many people ended up becoming your and his meals. Everyone else just thought the law didn't apply to them, straight-up criminals. In his eyes, they all deserved it.
Thinking it was just another nuisance, a "tsk" left Alastor's mouth as he grabbed his shotgun and headed into the woods.
After a few minutes of walking, he finally caught sight of the transgressors. Two men that he, unfortunately, recognized right away as the men from the bar who liked to push his buttons by harassing you.
The seething rage pooled in his core, bubbling up into his chest. This was his chance to get rid of those nuisances once and for all.
They would trouble his darling no more.
For him to get into a better position to take the men out, he crouched down and quietly circled around them like a hunter playing with his prey.
After circling around to position himself behind the men, what he wasn't expecting to see was the most nightmarish sight he's ever seen.
His beloved sweetheart, soon to be betrothed, all disheveled and tied up against a blood-splattered tree with a bullet lodged in the middle of their forehead.
Your eyes were lifeless. There was no doubt about it, the love of his life was dead.
Alastor didn't need to even think before pulling the trigger on the men, shooting one after the other, over and over, even after their bodies had hit the ground.
He. Was. Enraged.
By the time Alastor was done with them, they looked like Swiss cheese, barely strung together.
Alastor's breath was heavy, his chest heaving, near hyperventilating, his eyes were enlarged and his mind was focused on one thing. You.
His beautiful love, he couldn't bear to see you in this state.
In his oddly manic and shocked state, he untied you from the tree and took your body back to your shared home in the woods not too far from here.
For a few moments, his rage was replaced by sorrow and mourning as he buried you in the backyard. As fucked up as he was in the head sometimes, he would rather die than think about eating you. You were sacred to him.
As he laid you down into the ground, he embraced you once last time and took the ring out of his pocket. He placed the ring onto your ring finger and kissed the top of your hand, "In life and in death, I am forever yours, as you are forever mine. I love you, dear."
After you were buried, the rage returned like a vicious tsunami. Oh he wasn't done with revenge just yet.
Every single man or woman that ever mistreated you or offended you, was put on his list.
This night was the catalyst that gave birth to the serial killer known as the "Bayou Killer".
Alastor stopped visiting Mimzy's bar since your death, with his sole focus and dedication in life going to hunting down those that had harmed you in life. After all, they deserved it, you were like an angel to him.
But what Alastor didn't stop doing, was broadcasting his radio show. So many of his connections were made because of his show, so it was a valuable resource to keep active, to use to his advantage.
Alastor continued living his life like this until every single name was crossed off his list.
It was then that it was time for his luck to run out.
Right upon the killing the very last person on the list, was Alastor also shot right square in the forehead.
Before his consciousness faded into black, all he could hear was the muffled panic of a stranger who seemed to be apologizing for mistaking him for some sort of animal.
All Alastor could do was chuckle at the irony of the whole situation, the maniacal laughter was the type that only a madman could produce- before everything went dark and he died.
He thought he would never see you again, because surely, his beloved sweetheart would end up in heaven right?
The answer to this would remain a mystery for many decades to come as Alastor descended into Hell and became who is now widely known in Hell as "The Radio Demon".
-> Part 8
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Hiiiii could you do a fic where reader is pregnant for the first time? I need more soft!young president coriolanus so so bad
Soft as Snow || Young President!Coriolanus snow x reader
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A/n: thank you for this request anon!! I need more soft coryo too 🥹
Warnings: fem!reader, mention of death
Wc: 860
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Divider by @firefly-graphics
In the opulent sun room of the presidential mansion that you call your home, you sat in a plush chair with a bowl of fresh lychee perched carefully on your pregnant belly. The brightly lit room, adorned with decadent furnishings, seemed to reflect the weight of the world you carried not only as the First Lady but also as a soon-to-be-mother.
The door cracked open and Coriolanus entered with an air of authority that seemed to dissipate as he laid eyes on you, his precious wife. Coryo gestured the servants to leave the two of you alone as his steely gaze softened, and a small, genuine smile graced his lips as he approached.
"May I?" he gestured toward the empty space on the chair beside you. You nodded with an eager smile and he took a seat, his eyes fixed on your protruding belly which was covered by the softness of your silk dress. Gently, he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. "How are you feeling, my love?"
His voice, usually reserved and commanding to people outside of his inner circle, held a tenderness and softness that sent a comforting shiver down your spine. You couldn't help but smile at the sincerity in his question.
"I'm well, Coryo. Our baby seems to be quite content by these lychees," You chuckle as your rub your stomach. Coryo smiles, lychees were a rare fruit to come by this time of year but he made sure that you were fed only the most juiciest, ripe, lychees.
"I'm glad," he hums. His hand finds its way to your belly, fingers tracing delicate patterns on the fabric of your dress, ghosting over your skin underneath. "It's a remarkable thing, life," he mused, his eyes reflecting a mix of emotions—awe, anticipation, and a hint of vulnerability.
You watch him knowing where his mind was at. The thought of his mother dying during birth along with his baby sister. You knew that he was scared. Scared that maybe you would have the same fate as his late mother. But you assured Coryo, that times have changed and that you would be alright.
The weight of his responsibilities seemed to momentarily fade as he focused on you and the life growing inside you. Your fingers dipped into the fruit bowl, a lychee in between your fingers as you bring it to your lips, Coriolanus watching with fascination. The atmosphere hung in a delicate balance, as if time itself had slowed down to savour this tranquil interlude.
"Have you thought about names," he asked, breaking the silence. You chuckled softly, the sound echoing through the room, "I have actually. Vicky," you watch Snow's features contort into a mixture of emotions.
"Vicky. like my mothers-" "Yes, like your mother's name." You interrupt him as your thumb brushes over the back of his hand, a comforting gesture that spoke volumes. "I love it. Vicky Snow," He says with a smile on his face.
As you continued to share the bowl of fruit, the conversation drifted from politics to dreams, hopes and the shared future that awaited your family. Coriolanus, a man known for his strategic mind and politics, revealed a more vulnerable side, a side reserved for you, his wife carrying his child.
Time slipped away, and the room glowered in the soft hues of twilight. Coriolanus stood, his eyes lingering on you with an affectionate gaze. "I've got state matters to deal with, my dear. Just know, you and our child are always on my mind."
~
Days turned into weeks, and the swell of your belly grew more pronounced. The Capitol buzzed with excitement over the impending arrival of the newest member of the Snow legacy. Coriolanus, ever the stoic leader, became a pillar of support, attending to your needs with a grace that contradicted his ruthless reputation.
One evening, as the two of you stood on the balcony overlooking the Capitol, he wrapped his arms around you, his hands resting protectively on your belly. The lights of the city below shimmered like a sea of stars, and for a moment, it felt like the world paused to witness the union of power and vulnerability.
As the days dwindled down to the eagerly anticipated arrival, Coriolanus stood by your side, a beacon of strength. The birthing room, stark and sterile, contrasted sharply with the opulence of the Capitol. Yet, in that space, you found an intimacy that transcended the political stage.
The first cry of your newborn filled the room, and Coriolanus held the tiny bundle in his arms with a reverence that bordered on awe. His usually composed demeanor crumbled, replaced by the unfiltered joy of fatherhood.
"She's so beautiful, just like her mother," He whispers, his eyes never leaving the small face nestled in his arms. "Thank you, thank you for gifting me a gift beyond measure," Coryo looks at you as you couldn't help but let a teardrop roll down your cheek as you gazed at the future you had brought into the word.
You couldn't help but marvel at the unexpected beauty that had blossomed in the heart of the Capitol's calculated power.
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caesium-55 · 1 month
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—seven days [ epilogue ]
pairing: max verstappen x manager! reader
summary: as the third time world champion, max verstappen's manager, you function on the belief that whatever max verstappen wanted, max verstappen shall get. but this time, after four years of working as his manager, you can't give him what he wants anymore and that was to stay.
warnings: mentions of death and suicide.
author's note: here's the epilogue and the end end of the seven days series. thank you everyone for showing love to this fic! i was honestly so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of all of you. also, i apologize for all the broken hearts i caused after posting chapters 4-7. stay safe yall! i'll rest my fingers for real now. my doctor wasn't very happy with me. NOT BETA READ. NOT EDITED.
tags: @whatamidoingwithmylife-ramdom @eugene-emt-roe @bellezaycafe @barnestatic @theseerbetweenus @wcnorris @notyouraveragemochii @lpab @vildetry06 @a-beaverhausen @formula1mount @loloekie @alucardsdaddyissues @juky-ps @cassianswh0reeee @devotedlycrookeddonut @amberpanda99 @supermaxv1 @evie-119 @spideylovin @harianaswhore @formulaal @landorris @onecojg @leclercdream @vicurious28 @c-losur3 @spookystitchery @0710khj @strollnstroll @justab-eautifulmess @ssrcsm @seasonswinter @kravitzwhore @mycure156 i hope i didn't forget anyone
masterlist.
Julio [Name] was not an ambitious person. He didn't have dreams or concrete plans in life. But in 1985, his first dream was born. He wanted to be an F1 racer after reading about the Portuguese Grand Prix in a local newspaper where he saw a Brazilian racer even younger than him participate in it and winning it. Ayrton Senna was the racer’s name, twenty-five years old. At that time, Julio [Name] was the same age.
He immediately searched for the nearest karting track. He brought his then girlfriend, Sally Kingston, a dental student in USC, to the kart zone for their date. It was safe to say that driving was not exactly his forte. He crashed his rental kart and had to pay the damages. He was afraid that he made himself a loser in front of the Sally Kingston, the richest, prettiest, and nicest girl from L.A., and that she wouldn't wanna go out with a bumpkin like him anymore, but she had only laughed at him—her eyes turning into little crescents, showing too much teeth and gums—and from then and there, he knows he’s going to marry Sally Kingston one day. He might not have become a F1 driver, but he ended up marrying the girl of his dreams.
Him and Sally welcomed a son in 1991. They named him Damiano and he turned out to be a carbon copy of his beloved wife, not that Julio was complaining. When Damiano turned five, Julio brought him in the kart zone and let him try driving the kart. Damiano adored it so Julio signed him up for racing school. Three weekends later, Damiano got sick of driving around in circles so he stopped. Sally gave birth to a daughter in the same year—1996.
Five years later, he brings [Name], his mija, into the kart zone. He expected that you’ll be like Damiano, too, getting sick of the thing after three weekends or so. You didn't. You loved karting and going fast, almost dangerously so. You lasted five weekends so Julio signed you up for the kart zone’s junior racing school and you were their first female member. You won your first race when you were six, only seven months after you officially joined.
“She was born to race,” the team head told Julio. Julio then decided that he’d do whatever it takes so you could become a F1 driver.
Like his initial dream, his dream for you couldn't be brought to reality. When you were nine, you had to stop karting for financial reasons. Damiano was in high school, Rafael had leukemia, and Dominic had just been born. When Julio told you the news, you were sad but you understood why the decision was made so you never complained. You learned how to play billiards instead and your Abuelo was the one who taught you. It's cheaper than karting so Sally and Julio gave you their full support.
Julio [Name] was pleasantly surprised when you told him that you got accepted in USC’s engineering department years later. He half expected that you’d be like Damiano, who took an interest in dentistry, and was attending dental school. He was going to be a dentist like his mother. He was a perfect copy of Sally.
“If I can't be a racer, I’ll become a mechanical engineer,” you declared, head held high. Julio couldn't be anymore proud. You were living his dream.
If you asked Julio [Name] if he had lived a happy life despite not reaching his dreams, he would say yes without hesitation. He married the love of his life, Sally Kingston, now Sally [Last Name]. His first son, Damiano, had topped dental school and followed in his mother’s footsteps. His daughter, [Name], graduated with flying colors, a mechanical engineering degree under her belt and entered the motorsports industry, the first in the family to do so. (You even got him Fernando Alonso’s autograph! That's his second favorite driver!) Not only that, she volunteered at the LAFD during her college years and competed in a billiards tournament in Vegas, Australia, and the UK. You had the potential to be an international-level pool player but you didn't pursue the sport because you wanted to be an engineer. Rafael didn't let leukemia beat him and now, he’s finishing up his last year in CalTech, pursuing mechanical engineering like his older sister. A research team in Sweden had been eyeing him for a while now. Dominic, on the other hand, is steadily building a career for himself in volleyball. He was offered a sports scholarship in Harvard so, despite the fact that he’s going even farther than his siblings with no relatives near him like in L.A., Julio pushed him to pursue what he wanted. His children are his pride and joy. He spent every single day bragging about his children to his colleagues. The others had expressed their envy to him. Did Julio save a country in his last life to have such great children?
Furthermore, he’d been promoted to be the captain of Station 131 in Austin. Julio may not have driven an F1 car but he wouldn't even trade this family over anything in this world, not even the life of luxury and thrill of a Formula One Driver.
(What Julio didn't know was that Damiano had serious depression in dental school that he carried even after graduating, that you weren't accepted as an engineer in F1 and was stuck in a managerial position for the last five years, that Sweden found a better researcher than Rafael so he’s stuck suffering physically and mentally in a degree with his future unclear and cloudy, and Dominic was slowly losing passion in volleyball but it's the only thing putting him through college right now so he grits his teeth and put himself on court. No one told Julio. Julio got enough of his dreams broken already.)
Truthfully, despite working for Red Bull for half a decade, you never liked its taste. You were always the Monster Energy type of girl. It's the one drink that kept you functioning through all the all-nighters you pulled in engineering school. However, you kind of lost the palate for Monster Energy so now, here you are, standing outside a gas station mini mart in the middle of the dusty highway that leads to El Paso. You hold the chilled can of Red Bull against the side of your neck, satisfied with the feeling of something cool pressing against your skin. The temperature in Texas is going absolutely crazy this time of the year. In your other hand, two cigarette sticks balance in between your fingers. You crave the deadly nicotine. Desperately. But you're not stupid enough to smoke at a gas station because of your cravings.
Your phone vibrates and you pull it out of your pocket to see who messaged you. You snicker when you view the barrage of pictures from the Austin Grand Prix that Leo sent. A stolen shot of Logan, meme faces of Alex, the air show, a selfie with THE Fernando Alonso, and a Tiktok video with the other Williams mechanics.
You watched the race from the stands today and truthfully, you prefer watching the race in the garage than on the stands. It's unbelievably boring to be there. People pay thousands of dollars to sit under the excruciating heat of the sun and catch a glimpse of very fast cars for a nanosecond. You wouldn't even catch sight of if you blink. Nevertheless, you're happy that Leo is having the time of his life. You wish you share the same shoes.
leo: so so sad that u have to go
you: id be flattered if u actually mean it
leo: *rolling eyes emoji*
leo: i hope you choke on your beer
you: i hope you choke on the celebratory champagne
you: and i dont drink and drive
leo: good to know ur not stupid
leo: on a serious note make sure to drive to el paso safely
you: aight aight
leo: u know i have something to confess
you: if it's something stupid, don't bother
leo: ur stupid
you: fuck u
leo: shut up
leo: just wanna say i didn't break up with u bc u gave max too much attention
leo: i know that's what i said but i only said that bc i knew that u needed max to achieve ur dreams
leo: and idk i just thought max wouldn't give it to u not when im still dating u
you: that's stupid
you: max isn't like that
leo: hes in love with u
Your heart stutters. You ignore it.
you: liar
leo: i could tell u lil shit
leo: idk he looked like someone who’d hold a grudge
you: he does hold grudges
leo: and i cant allow myself to stand in between you and the one person who can give you your dream you know?
leo: i loved you enough to let you go to him
You choke on your saliva. You don't love Leo romantically anymore and you are sure that the feelings are mutual but his abrupt confession is enough to bring back the pain of loving him and letting him go all over again.
leo: u sure u won’t stay to see him?
leo: he’s the one who wants to see you the most
you: his ig messages makes me think otherwise
You're a fucking coward. A pussy.
leo: you didn't see the man [name]
leo: you don't know how empty he looks now
A shadow of guilt darkens your eyes. You quickly shove your phone into the pocket of your jacket. You open the Red Bull and take a large swig, almost draining the entire can. You exhale loudly after drinking, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. You stare at the vast expanse of the dry earth before you, starting to understand the appeal of aimless road trips in the southern roads.
The world seems to be turning in slow motion now.
Ever since your father died, time feels like it was moving too fast. You arrived at the hospital half an hour after Julio was officially pronounced dead. At that time, you felt like the world was ending. Your knees gave out in the middle of the hospital hallway. Your mother’s wail echoed in your ears. Damiano and Dominic were trying to console her, both of whom were crying terribly. You stare at them, face empty despite the hurricane brewing within you. Rafael wrapped his arms around you and you held onto him as he cried uncontrollably.
Your mother possessed a weak heart. She’d grown weaker and weaker day by day after your father passed. Your father’s station held a ceremony for him to pay tribute to their fallen captain. You were the one who carried his helmet all throughout the ceremony because the entire station knew you were his most prized child. When you flipped the helmet, there was a photo taped on it. A photo of the entire family at your graduation ceremony in USC. You maintained that tired and empty stare during the entire procession. In the middle of the ceremony, your mother collapsed.
Your father’s death was the first domino to be tipped. Your mother’s collapse during the funeral was the second. From then on, everything turned to shit. Your mother had always been frail and prone to sickness so it didn’t surprise you when she had grown so weak in a matter of days. She couldn't sleep. She didn't want to eat. She lost her will to do anything else. You took her to the hospital after a week because you were afraid she was beginning to become malnourished. Damiano suggested moving your mother to El Paso, to your Abuelo and Abuela’s farm, so your mother could recuperate there, and you agreed. The entire family moved to El Paso quickly, leaving the house in Vista Del Pueblo empty and celebrated the New Year there.
You opened your phone for the first time since you landed in ATX on the 30th and a barrage of messages had been sent to you. From Daniel, Logan, Leo, Kendall, Julia. You freeze when you see Max’s name. Your finger hovers above it, hesitating. Your mind trailed back to the five years you spent in Red Bull, to all the memories with Max in it, to what happened inside his penthouse in Monaco, the jet, the night you spent in his sheets, the shoes and—
Fuck.
“Kelly,” you mumbled to yourself, typing her username in the search box. You began typing up a message. You're not mentally equipped to write a long message of apology. Your mental dictionary was not ready to use so you decided to half ass the entire message and hope for the best.
you: sorry about the breakup
you: i didn't know about the shoes
you: i didn't take it
you: im so sorry
you: i hope you're not too hurt
In truth, you loved Kelly for Max. You never had problems with her. At first, you were concerned about the great age gap between her and Max as she was even older than Danny but then you figured that you did not have a say because Leo was also younger than you, born in the same year as Max. Then, you saw how she was so caring to Max, so patient in dealing with his misplaced anger, so supportive. You saw how Max transformed into a better version of himself, something you are not even capable of doing, because of Penelope and Kelly. How he became the world's most massive girl dad without trying. You ignored every bitter feeling that sprouted on your chest because you saw Max was happy and his happiness always came first. And now, you’re here, apologizing to Kelly for taking Max away from her.
kelly: i think i’m the one who’s been taking him from you
kelly: take care of him for me
you: thank you for loving him
You can't imagine how hurt Kelly was. Imagine dating and preparing a man so he could be perfect for another girl.
you: but i can’t do what you're asking
you: not anymore
“Not anymore,” you whisper to yourself, as if uttering it to the wind would cement it as the truth.
Not anymore, Max. I’m sorry.
Rafael and Dominic told you that they want to drop out of college to help you out with Mama a few days after New Year’s. You quickly told them no, to finish college and that you could handle taking care of two senior citizens and your sickly mother and help out on the farm since you’re essentially jobless at the moment.
The third domino is Damiano. You were always aware he’d been clinically depressed, taking medications to help him get better. Whatever he went through in dental school, he carried it with him until he was working. You believed he was getting better. He was seeing a therapist for years now and you were checking up on him every day. Then, like Mama, he just…. became worse. Rafael found him submerged in the bathtub in his apartment, red painting his wrists. Had Rafael not been there at the right time, Damiano would have followed Papa Julio.
The fourth domino is Dominic. He ruined his hand in March. The doctor told him it was dangerous for him to continue playing volleyball competitively. It was either he learned how to set with only his non-dominant hand because his dominant hand is partially crippled or he stopped playing all together. He’d choose the second option with no hesitation as he had lost his passion for the sport but if he’s not playing for Harvard anymore, no one would be able to pay his fees until graduation. Not when Julio died, not when Sally was too sick to continue working, not when Damiano was currently unstable, not when you’re the only one who had been supporting the entire family through your entire savings account. Red Bull must have paid you a lot of money because you’ve been keeping the entire family afloat for months now.
The fifth domino is Rafael, who got his entire thesis overhauled so now, his graduation was out of the picture. It sucked. He’d always been expected to follow his older siblings’ footsteps, both of whom are academically excelling individuals and Rafael had been studying and studying and studying. So why was this happening to him? Why was this happening to his family?
The sixth domino was yet to be tipped over.
You refuse to fall.
You blink, suddenly back in reality when you hear a loud caw of a bird flying above your head. You shake your head, tossing the Red Bull in a nearby trash can and returning inside the mini mart. The amount of caffeine in a Red Bull isn’t enough. You need more. You need fucking coffee.
Gas station coffee sucks but you’re never the type who complains. El Paso is still eight hours away and you’re sure you're going to be driving your motorcycle the entire night just to reach the farm the next morning.
You walked towards the Yamaha XSR 155 parked in front of the mini-mart, a styro cup of coffee that’s as black as your soul and as bitter as your life in your hand. Hypnotizing swirls of steam rise from the cup. In each step you take, the key that is attached to your hip jingles.
It's a little past four in the afternoon but the darkness of the sky makes you think it's around six PM. You pocket your cigarettes and stand beside your motorcycle, hand on your hip while the other brings the cup of coffee to your mouth. A car suddenly arrives, coming to a screeching halt in front of you. You flinch in surprise, almost spilling your coffee in your hands. You hiss loudly, brows furrowing, a curse sitting on the tip of your tongue. You hear the sound of a car door opening and slamming shut and when you look up—
“Max.”
He’s still in his Red Bull overalls, drenched in sweat as if he ran to the gas station instead of driving. His hair is windswept, sticking out in multiple directions almost attractively so. He looks simultaneously distraught and relieved when your eyes met. The longing in his eyes. God. You unconsciously take a step back and turn around—a flight response—when he charges in your direction.
A strong pair of arms wrap around you from behind, stopping you from your tracks and causing your coffee to spill and fall down pathetically on the floor. You avoided the puddle, hands reaching behind you to guide Max away from the steaming liquid. But it’s too late. You saw the hot coffee touch his skin.
“Max!” you exclaim, eyes going wide. Your hand wraps around his forearm, pulling it but his grip on you tightens so you resort to tapping his arm in hopes that he’ll let go and you can inspect his injured hand and make a quick run for the mini mart for first-aid supplies.
“Max, let go,” you say, panicking. “Your hand—”
“Don’t leave,” his voice cracks.
“I won't go, okay? Let go and I’ll—”
“No,” the hug tightens and you suck in a breath. “You’ll leave again. I know you’ll leave again.”
“I’ll fix your hand. You can’t burn your hand—”
“I can endure it. Let me have this please,” he pleads. You pull his hand but Max remains stubborn. Resigned, you sigh. It turns out that you’re still the same, giving whatever Max wanted.
“I’m sorry for getting angry,” he begins. “I’m sorry for stopping you from going to Renault. I’m sorry for promising that I’d talk to Christian. I’m sorry that I didn't. I’m sorry that you had to break up with Leo because of me. I’m sorry that I realized that I fell in love with you while dating Kelly. I’m sorry for the shoes. I’m sorry for getting drunk. I’m sorry for being so selfish. I’m sorry for not considering you. I’m sorry for loving you. I’m so, so sorry, [Name]. For everything.”
His words come rapidly and frankly, you don't want to hear Max like this. Max rarely apologizes. You're not used to hearing him apologize.
“Max—”
“I called, [Name].”
You freeze.
“I called so many times. Not once have you answered. Not once—” a loud sob erupts from his mouth, interrupting him. “You always come when I call.”
You close your eyes, letting out a shaky breath.
“I sent you a message,” he continues. “To wait for me. I know I’m selfish but can I have five minutes please? Just….five?”
A pause.
“Okay,” you whisper. Max’s body trembles against yours and you stand still for a few minutes,
“Hey,” you say gently, suddenly reminded that you're standing in an open space and Max is still in his Red Bull overalls and he doesn't even have his usual cap on and this compromising situation you're both in was going to be bad for Max’s online reputation once the wrong pair of eyes manage to catch sight of you. You can already imagine what the headlines would be.
MAX VERSTAPPEN AND HIS FORMER MANAGER CAUGHT HUGGING IN A GASOLINE STATION AFTER AUSTIN GP.
MAX VERSTAPPEN AND FORMER RED BULL MANAGER IN A RELATIONSHIP?
FORMER RED BULL MANAGER POTENTIAL REASON FOR BREAKUP BETWEEN KELLY PIQUET AND MAX VERSTAPPEN?
MAX VERSTAPPEN CHEATED ON KELLY PIQUET WITH FORMER MANAGER?
MAX VERSTAPPEN, FULL-TIME WORLD TIME CHAMPION, PART-TIME CHEATING ASSHOLE.
God. You can already imagine the headache splitting the entire PR team’s skulls. The world already hates Max because of how good he was at his sport. You can’t allow people to shit on him more because of you.
“Max,” you try again, tapping his forearm so he can loosen his hold on you and you can turn around. “Max, baby, cooperate with me for a bit, yeah?”
You tug on his wrist and you can't help but sigh in relief when his arms loosen a little. He’s beginning to choke you a little bit. With his arms still around you, you pivot on your heels so you’re face-to-face with his broad chest.
When you look up to Max’s face, your heart shatters into a million pieces. His tears continue to flow and violent sobs wrack his entire body, robbing him of the ability to speak and barely allowing a breath to be drawn. He’s going to hyperventilate. Fucking dammit.
“Max,” how many times have you said his name in the last few minutes? “Hey, breathe with me.”
Your hand cradles his jaw and your eyes focused on his blue ones and fuck, they’re as insanely beautiful as you remembered.
“Breathe.”
You perform exaggerated inhales and exhales so Max can match your breaths, his hands settling on your shoulders. His palms feel heavy against your shoulders and his fingers dig deep into your skin.
“I’m here, Champ. I’m here,” you assure him. “I’m here now.”
You wait until he calms down a little and when he does, your right hand searches for his, intertwining your fingers together to assure him that you’re not going anywhere just yet. Your other hand comes up to hold the area below his neck and you slowly guide him back to his car. It’s a little difficult, Max obviously has no intention to let you go, but you know how to make things work.
Max sits on the driver's seat with you standing outside of the car. He's still clinging onto your hand and you use the other hand to hold the roof of the car for support. Max stopped crying now, staring blankly at you with a sad pout on his face. His tears are now dry, staining his cheeks.
“You okay now, Champ?” you ask, never failing to sound gentle. That's what Max needs now. Gentleness. God forbid you pull a Jos Verstappen.
Max shakes his hand, making you sigh deeply. Your eyes trail to the hands, the pale skin now an angry red.
“Max,” you call his attention. He looks up at you and you have to avoid his gaze because if you look at his face, your heart hurts. “I’ll get something from the mini-mart for your burn, aight?”
He shakes his head and his grip on your hand impossibly tightens. If he keeps this up, he’s going to break your bones.
“No.”
If you were the same person that you were in 2023, you would have let Max do what he wanted. What Max wanted, what Max shall get—that’s the philosophy you lived by. But things are different now. Leo told you that you’re allowing Max to take too much from you and Max needs to learn to actually listen to you.
You’ve been taught to treat even the most minor of burns as if it’s a major burn. That's what you are planning to do right now.
“Max,” you say, a little firmer now. “Gonna grab somethin’ in the mart real quick, you stay here, aight?”
“No—”
“Not askin’, Champ,” you interrupt him. “I'm not leavin’ yet, not goin’ anywhere until I make sure you’re okay. So stay here and wait.”
You swiftly remove the key attached to your belt and force it into his palm, “Here are my keys. I’m not goin’ to drive off and leave you here, aight? Do you trust me?”
You have a feeling that this anxiety of his might have stemmed from that one incident in his childhood where Jos left him at a gas station. Fucking son of a bitch that man was.
Hesitantly, Max says, “I do.”
“Good,” you ruffle his hair, dampening your palm.
You can see he does not like what you're doing now but he does not have any choice so he sits in the car, looking as pitiful as ever. You jog up to the mini-mart, immediately going to the beverage section to grab a bottle of water and passing by the hygiene shelf to snatch a handkerchief. You go to the counter and the middle aged guy manning the register obviously does not look impressed that you’re in his shop for the third time in the same hour, which is stupid because he should be glad that he has a customer. You put everything on the counter, pulling out some bills from your back pocket.
“You happen to have neosporin?” you ask.
“Do we look like a drug store?” he retorts. You roll your eyes, toss the bills to the cashier, and grab your items without even waiting for the guy to wrap them all up in a paper bag. You jog back to Max’s car.
“Excuse me,” you lean inside the car, opening the compartment to search for a burn cream you left inside there last year. Your eyes land on his keys, stiffening when you notice that Max kept every single gift you gave him. The bead keychain from 2020, the bottle opener keychain from 2021, the clay figure keychain from 2022, and the bracelet from 2023 sway slightly, staring back at you. You shake your head and resume doing your original mission. You find the burn cream and you immediately search for the expiration date. January 2025; it’s still good to use.
You straighten, take hold of Max’s wrist gently, and roll up his long sleeves up to his elbows. You open the water bottle and tug Max’s hand towards you so he won't get water on his car as you pour water on his burn. Once the bottle is nearly empty, you apply the cream on the reddened area of his skin. Then, you use the handkerchief, which you dampen using the leftover water, to dress it.
Max is silent the entire ordeal, watching you work your way meticulously and carefully around his hand. The same meticulousness one can expect from a former firefighter paramedic volunteer.
You step back to inspect your work, but Max’s hand stretches out towards you, grabbing the hem of your jacket.
“Sorry,” he says and yet you see his knuckles slowly turning white, which makes you unsure if he truly is apologetic or not. “Just…yeah, sorry. Can you stay for a while please?”
“Have to leave soon,” you say. “El Paso’s still hours away. I have to be there by morning.”
He nods, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down, “Okay.”
“Thirty minutes, Max,” you decide. “Thirty minutes.”
You pull out your phone from your pocket to check the time and see the multiple notification bars. You type the password and direct to the message app to see the flurry of messages Max sent earlier. You have not noticed them.
max: i heard you came
max: where are you
max: please
max: can you give me ten minutes
max: just
max: please
max: wait for me
max: i’m not angry anymore
max: im begging you
max: or five minutes [name] im okay with just five
max: or even less
max: i just need to see you
“Who told you I was here?” you question, brows knitting together. There are currently two names in your head. They both start with the letter L and they both work at Williams.
“Leo called me and told me you were here.”
“Of course he did,” you roll your eyes. Logan will never dare betray you like this. You made Leo promise not to tell Max where you were in El Paso and the bitch told him where you were the moment you stepped out of El Paso. He didn't break his promise technically, but it's still a very bitch move for him to pull. You're going to have a lengthy conversation with him later.
“So you’ve been in El Paso?” he asks.
You nod.
“My grandparents’ place.”
He nods.
“Sorry about Julio, by the way.”
You sigh. God, you want to cry.
It's truly unfair how God decided to take away Julio [Last Name]. Death should happen to assholes and shitty people. To people who abuse their children every day. To people who waste years of their lifespan on nicotine and alcohol. To people who kill people. Death shouldn't happen to heroes, who risk every single day of their lives to save other people. Death shouldn't happen to Julio [Last Name], a firefighter who died saving a kid in a burning building. At least, not this early. Not until you fulfilled his dream for him.
(His last words: I don't regret doing what I did. I have kids, too. I want someone to save them the same way I did that kid if they ever get stuck in a situation like this.)
“Did Leo tell you that, too?” you hope that he didn't notice that your voice slightly wobbled.
“No,” Max shakes his head. “We—Logan and I came to Vista Del Pueblo in December. Your neighbor told us that…”
He doesn't need to finish his sentence for you to know what he’s trying to say.
You nod, “So that's why there was an article that day…”
You remember Damiano showing you the news article in his phone—AN UNLIKELY FRIENDSHIP: MAX VERSTAPPEN OF RED BULL RACING AND LOGAN SARGEANT OF WILLIAMS RACING SPOTTED DRIVING AROUND AUSTIN. You shrugged it off at that time.
“How are you?”
You turn to Max, raising a brow at his question.
“How am I?” you echo, sounding a little bewildered.
You see, Max has never asked this question. You're used to “Are you okay?” but not this. Not this question. You can easily lie to an are-you-okay. You can say yes even if you’re not, and you won't give yourself away because you only uttered one word. But with how-are-you, it’s different. It's not a question that is not answerable by yes or no. You actually have to explain how you feel. That's why Papa Julio only asked, “How are you, mija?” rather than “Are you okay, mija?” Papa Julio wants to know how your day went even if you're okay or not.
Yeah. You're definitely going to cry at this rate.
“How have you been after Julio?”
“You really wanna know?”
“I wanted to be there for you at that time,” Max confesses. “When I learned that Julio was gone, I wanted to go to you. But Leo stopped me. He said I was not what you needed at that time and I agree. I was too angry at you for leaving me. I’m glad he didn't tell me where you are, despite how painful it was. I was selfish and immature that I cared about my grief and forgot to consider yours. I reflected on my actions a lot. I am not sure how different I am now from that version of me but I think I changed a bit. So yes, [Name], I want to know, because I want to know how you felt and help you in any way I can.”
You stand there, stunned at what Max has said. And perhaps it was his sincerity or the way his determined blue eyes stare into your soul that caused the sixth domino to tip. You break into tears, a raw cry escaping your mouth. You are so fucking tired of carrying everything on your shoulders.
Max is quick to engulf you in a hug and you don't hesitate to pull him into you, pressing your face against his shoulders as you let everything out. You claw his back as if you're trying to mold himself into you. Your nose turns red, snot drips out of your nose. You sob too loud and too heavily that you can hardly draw a breath. You don't cry pretty and this is the first time you allowed yourself to cry with another person bearing witness to your fragility.
When you calmed down, you found yourself sitting beside Max, shoulder to shoulder, in the backseat of his car, playing with the drawstrings of your jacket.
“Sorry.”
“Don't be.”
“Sorry, I was just so tired,” you tip your head upwards. You can feel Max’s eyes on you. “Things have been hard since Papa died.”
“Do you want to talk? I’ll listen.”
You chuckle humorlessly.
Jesus, what did Leo feed this guy?
It feels like the roles are reversed now.
“Everybody's been takin’ it pretty hard so I'm trynna to be strong for them, you know? But I’m not that strong,” you begin. “I’m just as lost as everyone else and it's hard pretendin’ like I’m not. I’m not really sure what will happen with my life now so I wander around and do car repairs for a few folks in El Paso.”
“What happened to your dream? The job?”
“Well, it's gone,” you say, making Max’s eyes widen. “Not my time yet, I suppose. Or rather, I’m never supposed to have time. I guess I’m just not meant to be an engineer.”
“No,” Max turns to you, clasping your hands in desperation. “No, no, no. You always wanted to become an engineer. You can't just—I’ll think of something. I’ll ask Christian. I’ll ask the other teams. Renault isn't in Formula One right now but I can—”
“Max,” you smile sadly. “Let it go.”
“But—”
“Do you know what my Papa’s dream was?” you interrupt. “It’s to be a Formula One racer.”
You smile, remembering all the times you’ve seen your father watch the races on the television since you were younger. He’d wake up even in the ass crack of dawn just to watch them live. He’d be so tired after a 24-hour shift at the fire station but he’d refuse to even catch a wink of sleep until the Grand Prix broadcast is done. He always received a beating from your Mama because of it.
“He saw Senna in the newspaper and decided that he wanted to be like him, too. Sadly, Papa never vibed with a steering wheel so there was no future in that industry. He's always so disappointed in himself, sayin’ he can do the most unhinge shit at work but can't even drive a car. When Damiano and I turned five, he brought us karting. I could tell he was disappointed that Damiano didn't share his love for racing and I hated seein’ him sad so I learned to love karting. He signed me up and I did my best to win. I think I was good. Good enough to make him proud of me. Papa looked so happy when I won my first trophy. He cleaned it every week.”
You smile fondly at the memory.
“Then, shit happened and I have to stop. Papa looked even more disappointed than me that I had to stop. It hurts. Disappointment from your parents, I mean, even if I know that it's somethin’ beyond my control. I figured that if I can't be a racer, I’ll work in a pit stop. That's close enough. When I told him that I got accepted into USC and how I wanted to be an engineer, it was the proudest I have ever seen him since I won my trophy. I was livin’ his dream. I applied for Red Bull and Renault because those are Papa’s favorite teams and the rest is history.”
You pause.
“He’s never got to see me become an engineer,” you choke out, wiping the stray tear that fell from your eye with the back of your hand. “It was his dream. He always had his dreams broken and I was gonna reach his dreams for him but he’s gone before I can do so. Now, I’m so lost because I realized that I was shapin’ myself to become an extension of Papa and now that he's gone, I am an extension of no one. I was reaching for dreams that I don't own. I’m so tired and I’m so lost, Max.”
Max stares at you sadly.
“I should have talked to Christian sooner. Fuck, I hate myself for not talking to Christian. Fuck, why was I so selfish?” he presses the ball of his palms against his eyes in frustration. You chuckle, shaking your head.
“That’s okay,” you say. “I’ll find my way.”
You look at the scenery outside of the window. Night has fallen. You should have left for El Paso by now.
“I need to go,” you say, heart heavy.
“So soon?”
Max is panicking again.
“Jesus, Champ, calm down,” you pat his shoulders.
“Will I see you again?” Desperation laces his question.
“Dunno really,” you shrug.
“Can you wait for me?”
Your brows furrow.
“I’ll retire by 2028. No, that's still long. 2027. Ah no—2026? Can you wait for me? I—” Max’s hand trembles. “I love you. I love you, [Name]. I—I love you even before Kelly. I can’t. I can't lose you.”
The world stops.
“I am stupid, I am selfish, and I think I’m asking too much. If you can just wait for me, I’ll—I can even retire next year if you think it's too long—”
“Hold up right there, Champ,” you stop him. “You're not retirin’ early.”
“If you want me to, I will.”
You sigh in exasperation.
“Max,” your voice is low. “That’s your career. I’m not gonna—Jesus, Max don’t retire, okay? Not even for me. Retire only when you want to.”
This man is just…
You don't know if you want to choke him or kiss him.
“I want you to have me, [Name]. I… I want to be with you, to love you, and if retiring is the only way I can do that then I will,” he says. “I love you.”
You purse your lips.
“I love you, too, Max,” you confess and now, your chest feels lighter now that you've said it out loud. “But not now, I can't love you like this. I’m too… I can't pursue a relationship with you right now. Not when…”
“It's not our time,” Max nods. “I understand.”
He really did change.
“I want to find my way through life first," you tell him.
Max smiles and he pulls you again in a hug. He has tears in his eyes again and he sniffles, chuckling at himself for crying again. He pulls away from the hug slowly and hands you your keys.
“See you around?"
“See you around.”
You exit the car and you notice that your heart feels lighter now compared to the time you left Monaco even though you are doing the same exact thing—leaving Max to go home.
At the end of 2023, you grace the paddock with your presence—your signature YSL heels is back on the tracks. You wear pants now, instead of the corporate pencil skirts, matched with a Prema Racing polo shirt. The label at the back indicates: AERODYNAMIC ENGINEER. By the end of 2024, you are promoted to the strategy team. By 2025, you become a race engineer of an up-and-coming racing superstar and you kept the job position until now.
The world didn't end just because your Dad died. It took you a while to realize that your Papa didn't own your dreams. It was always yours to begin with. He just played a part in inspiring them.
Max Verstappen became the 2024, 2025, 2026, 2027, and 2028 WDC, marking history as an eight-time consecutive champion. He retired after the 2028 season and disappeared from the face of the Earth. He had stopped going home to his penthouse in Monaco, had put his private jet on sale, and had cut ties to his father, Jos, who was very disappointed that his son had retired too early in the sport. Max retired willingly—he had achieved more awards than most of his seniors and it's time to give room to the younger ones. Rumors say that he had established a racing program somewhere in Belgium. Charles Leclerc, Max's friend, refuses to update the media regarding Max's whereabouts and only says: "He's happy. Don't worry."
Years later, a thirteen-almost-fourteen year-old girl named Emiliana Julia Verstappen, racing under the American flag, become the youngest driver in history to join the ranks of the F1 academy and later, she becomes the youngest driver to ever drive a Formula One car, racing for Scuderia Ferrari as second driver, at only seventeen and a hundred and fifty days old, overthrowing Max Emilian Verstappen, retired eight-time F1 WDC, whom the world has not seen since his retirement, from the list.
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diana-thyme · 1 year
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The Ultimate Grimoire Guide
So! I have been seeing a ton of grimoire ideas and thought I’d stuff them all together. A lot of ideas are from @manifestationsofasort, @banebite, and @pigeonflavouredcake. Check them out! They have a ton of cool stuff there.
What Do I Use For My Grimoire?
You can use anything for a grimoire! For a physical one, journals, binders, and notebooks are good. For digital ones, Notion, Tumblr, Docs, and even just your file folder are great.
Introduction
A Book Blessing
Table of Contents
About Me
Your Current Path
Your Personal Beliefs
Your Spiritual Journey
Superstitions
Past lives
Favorite Herbs/Crystals/Animals/Etc.
Natal Chart
Craft Name
How You Entered The Craft
Astrology Signs
Birthday Correspondences (birth tarot card, birth stone, etc.)
Goals
Safety
Fire Safety
What Not to Burn
Toxic Plants & Oils (to humans, plants, animals)
Crystals That Shouldn’t Be Put… (in sun, in water, etc.)
Things That Shouldn’t Be In Nature (glass, salt, etc.)
Potion Safety
How to Incorporate Blood in Spells
Smoke Safety
Wound Care
Biohazards
Core Concepts
Intention & How It Works
Directing Energy
Protection
Banishing
Cleansing
Binding
Charging
Shielding
Grounding
Centering
Visualization
Consecration/Blessing
Warding
Enchanting
Manifestation
Meditation
What Makes A Spell Work
Basic Spell Structure
What Not To Do In Spells
Disposing Spell Ingredients
Revitalizing Long Term Spells
How To Cast Spells
What To Put In Spells
Spell Mediums (jars, spoken, candle, sigils)
Spell Timing
Potion Bases
Differentiating Between Magick and Mundane
Common Terms
Common Symbols
Intuition
Elements
Basic Alchemy and Symbols
Ways To Break Spells
Laws and Philosophies
Correspondences
Herbs & Spices
Crystals & Rocks
Colors
Liquids & Drinks
Metals
Numbers
Tarot Cards
Elements
Trees & Woods
Flowers
Days
Months
Seasons
Moon Phases
Zodiacs
Planets
Incense
Teas
Essential Oils
Directions
Animals
Symbology
Bone Correspondences
Different Types of Water
Common Plants
Entities
Deities You Worship
Pantheons
Pantheons & Deities Closed to You
Common Offerings
Epithets
Mythos
Family
Worship vs Work
Prayers & Prayer Template
Altars
Deity Comms
Devotional Acts
Angels
Demons
Ancestors
Spirit Guides
Fae
Familiars
House, Animal, Plant, Etc. Spirits
Folklore Entities
Spirit Etiquette
Graveyard Etiquette
Boundaries
Communication Guide & Etiquette
Spirit Work Safety Guide
How Entities Appear To You
Circle Casting
Common Offerings
Altars
Servitors
Mythological Creatures (dragons, gorgons, etc.)
Utility Pages
Gazing Pages
Sigil Charging Station
Altar Pages
Intent Pages
Getaway Pages
Vision Boards
Dream Pages
Binding Page
Pendulum Board
Crystal Grid
Throwing Bones Page
Divination Pages
Mirror Gazing Page
Invocation Pages
Affirmation/Manifestation Pages
Spirit Board Page
Other Practices
Practices That Are Closed to You (Voodoo, Hoodoo, Santeria, Brujeria, Shamanism, Native Practices)
Wicca and Wiccan Paths
Satanism, Both Theistic and Non-Theistic
Deity Work
Religious Paths (Hellenism, Christianity, Kemeticism, etc.)
Animism
Types of Magic/Spells
Pop Culture Paganism/Magic
Tech Magic
Chaos Magic
Green Magic
Lunar Magic
Solar Magic
Sea Magic
Kitchen Magic
Ceremonial Magic
Hedge Magic
Death Magic
Gray Magic
Eclectic Magic
Elemental Magic
Fae Magic
Spirit Magic
Candle Magic
Crystal Magic
Herbalism
Glamours
Hexes
Jinxes
Curses
Weather Magic
Astral Magic
Shadow Work
Energy Work
Sigils
Art Magic
Knot Magic
Music Magic
Blood Magic
Bath Magic
Affirmations
Divination
Tarot Cards
Oracle Cards
Playing Cards
Card Spreads
Pendulum
Numerology
Scrying
Palmistry
Tasseography
Runes
Shufflemancy
Dice
Bibliomancy
Carromancy
Pyromancy
Psychic Abilities
Astrology
Auras
Lenormand
Sacred Geometry
Angel Numbers
Ornithomancy
Aeromancy
Aleuromancy
Axinomancy
Belomancy
Hydromancy
Lecanomancy
Necromancy
Oneiromancy
Onomancy
Oomancy
Phyllomancy
Psephomancy
Rhabdomancy
Xylomancy
Tools
Crystal grid
Candle grid
Charms
Talismans
Amulets
Taglocks
Wand
Broom
Athame
Boline
Cingulum
Stang
Bells
Drums
Staffs
Chalices
Cauldrons
Witches Ladder
Poppets
Holidays
Yule
Imbolc
Ostara
Beltane
Litha
Lammas
Mabon
Samhain
Esbats
Deity Specific Holidays
Religious Holidays (Christmas, Easter, Dionysia, etc.)
Celestial Events
Altars
Basics of Altars
Travel Altars
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tarrynightss · 1 year
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How they are during your pregnancy + how they are with the baby
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Pairings: Jake, Quaritch, Tonowari, Tsu’tey x fem!reader
Warnings: Pregnancy, childbirth (nothing graphic), fluff
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Jake Sully
With Jake the pregnancy would definitely be a planned thing. He does his best to prepare himself, talking to Norm and anyone else he can find that has a good pair of brains. He wants to know exactly what to do in every situation that might occur, even reading up on it. It’s cute and you are glad that he’s doing his best to protect both you and the baby, but after you are a few months in, you almost want to rip his head off when he asks “Does your back ache? What is your pain level on a scale of 1 to 10?” yet again.
He’s constantly fussing over you, especially when you are getting close to your due date. The regular checkups from the human scientists have your Tsahík fuming, but Jake wants to make sure all ground is covered. He’ll take all the death stares if that means you and the baby are healthy.
Jake almost starts running circles like he’s in looney tunes when the birth starts. Another Na’vi has to force him to sit down by your side, and even then his tail is constantly swatting all over the place in anxiousness.
The type to say “god damn!” when he watches the baby being pushed out, making you almost snap his hand in two.
He won’t be able to take his eye off of his child when it’s born, hugging both you and them to his chest. He’ll kiss your sweaty forehead, crying as he tells you how well you did and that he’s so proud of you.
Sorry but when the baby is a few weeks old he definitely pretends to drop it because he thinks it’s funny, earning angry hisses and swats from you.
Will constantly cuddle with the baby when you aren’t holding them, rubbing his nose against their little belly. He’ll also love squishing their cheeks together and playing with their tiny ears, having them make funny faces at you.
Gags at least once when changing a diaper but doesn’t complain, just soldiers through.
Miles Quaritch
Who gave this man another kid?!? You did, and when Miles finds out he almost drops dead. He had just kinda assumed that they had snipped his ability to reproduce away just as they had snipped his ears. Boy was he wrong.
When your stomach starts growing and your urge him to touch it, he does so with much reluctance as he’s scared he might hurt the child. The tiniest hint of movement under his hand makes his ears perk up, and he’ll bend down to lay one against your belly. Na’vi hearing is incredibly good and he hears the thrumming heartbeat of your child instantly. “Our baby,” you whisper and caress over his hair. He repeats it back to you, accepting it a little bit more.
Miles continues telling Spider that you’ve just gotten fat until finally the boy has had enough, clearly seeing that you are pregnant. He gives his dad an earful about how he couldn’t even take care of him, so why the fuck is he having another. A valid point, but Miles tries to tell both himself and Spider that that was human Quaritch, not him. The boy accepts it just because you’ve always been a motherly figure to him, but he shoots Miles glares whenever he comes near.
He does his best to take care of you but this man is not exactly used to being gentle. He’ll cuddle you and rub over your stomach and back, trying to suite your aches. Where he fumbles is when you’ve been up almost all night, puking your insides out, and he dares to complain about his sore back. SORE BACK?!! He’s sleeping on the ground after that.
Strangely enough, as the months progress the pregnancy seems to be what forms you, Spider, and Miles into a true family. Both enjoy putting their hand on your stomach and feeling the baby kick, Spider letting out an excited “wooow!” at the force every time.
Miles starts sharing with Spider the few memories old Quaritch had of him as a baby. “Your head was gigantic,” Miles tell him, staring up into the sky with a grin. Spider laughs out a no, peeking over you to see his father. You lay like this often now, side by side as a family. “Humongous,” Miles doubles down, making you all cackle.
Miles is scared when you give birth, his eyes tightly closed as he holds onto your hand. He knows he doesn’t deserve to have this after all he has done, but lord, please let you and the baby be alright. He holds his breath till finally, he hears the baby’s first cry, his eyes snapping open. Both of you cry as you cradle your child close to your heart.
Suddenly becomes an expert on how to handle babies, constantly telling Spider to be careful with this or that, barely even letting him hold the baby the first few days.
Takes pictures of your child with a leaf hat on or something and finds it absolutely hilarious.
Carries the child everywhere, strapping them to his chest like a real male wife.
Tonowari
The first child born from your union is nothing short of a blessing to him. Even when your stomach is barely noticeable, he constantly touches it and it becomes a comforting feeling for the both of you.
Parades you around in front of the clan like you are the rarest jewel. He’s so, so proud of his beautiful mate, so happy that she’s carrying his child. He wants the whole world to see.
Tonowari constantly gives you massages, not even giving your feet or back the chance to start aching. He was already big on doing so before, but now you aren’t leaving the tent before the morning massages are done.
He’s so supportive and there for you that he goes as far as to hold your hair while you puke. You can scream your hormones out at him all you want and this man will just smile to himself, noting how ferocious you look like this.
Tonowari basically is the midwife during your birth, holding onto your arms as he helps you pace your breathing. When you push he puts his forehead against yours to comfort and support you.
Holds the baby up for the others to see after they’re born, the biggest smile on his face. He won’t stop bragging about his child to anyone who will listen. Every bump or blink is worth a reward in his eyes.
Takes the baby to watch over the ocean, telling them stories about all his adventures. When the baby eventually starts being able to point, he’s absolutely delighted, following to see what their chubby finger is pointing it. Whether it’s a simple barnacle or a fish, Tonowari will tell his child in great detail about whatever peaked their interest.
Tsu’tey
Finally. He has waited so long to have his own family and he’s absolutely overjoyed when he hears the news. He’ll pick you up and spin you around while laughing and cheering, making everyone around you wonder what is going on.
Tsu’tey was always protective of you, but with the pregnancy that gets 10 times worse. He’s constantly hovering over you, never letting you go out alone in the fear you’ll get hurt. You try to assure him you’ll be careful, but that’s not good enough. Too much can happen in a blink of an eye. He simply won’t allow it.
Instantly starts collecting beads for both the baby’s songcord and for their first neck piece, though the second will still have to wait a long time to be worn. He’s just too excited, already fantasizing about all he will teach his child, all the memories they will make.
He talks to the baby every night when the two of you are alone. Tsu’tey lays his head against your belly and tells your child all about his day, but also stories about what he and you have gotten up to in the past. It’s heartwarming to you to just lay back and watch him, chuckling now and then at his words.
Tsu’tey doesn’t just hold your hand during birth, he sits behind you, holding in his lap. He breaths with you as if one, stroking lovingly over your arms and legs as he encourages you to keep going.
Love is a word not strong enough to express what he feels for your child. As soon as their eyes meet, he smiles the brightest he has ever done in his life. The baby is perfect in his eyes, a beautiful mix of the both of you.
He loves sleeping with the baby cuddled up against his chest. At first he was too scared he might crush them, but after you swore you would watch him during those little moment, he gave in. It were the best naps he’s ever had, his heart beating as one with his child. Tsu’tey hadn’t thought he would ever feel this at peace.
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Things to put in your book of shadows
Of course, only put in your book of shadows/grimoire what you want. If you don't want to put certain subjects in your book then that's fine. It's your book, utilize it how you want. This is just a masterlist of ideas that I've put together. Feel free to add anything else to the list that I may have missed, because there's absolutely no way I included everything.
And for the love of all the gods, if you come across a closed entity or practice, don't try to work with the entity or practice if you're not already part of that group or tradition. You can research it but don't practice it.
+ A blessing and/or protection
+ A table of contents
+ About you:
Your current path
Your personal beliefs
Your spiritual journey
Favorite crystals/herbs/animals
Natal chart
Craft name
How you got into the craft
Astrology signs
Birthday correspondences (birth tarot card, birth stone, etc)
Goals (if you have any)
Anything other relating to your personal practice
+ Safety
Fire safety
What NOT to burn
Plants and oils that can be toxic to your pets
What crystals shouldn't be in water, sunlight, etc
Things that shouldn't be put out in nature (salt, glass, etc)
Potion safety
How to incorporate blood safely
+ Core concepts:
Intention and how it works
Directing energy
Protection
Banishing
Cleansing
Charging
Shielding
Grounding and centering
Visualization
Consencration/Blessing
Warding
Enchanting
Manifestation
+ Correspondence
Personal correspondence
Crystals and rocks
Herbs and spices
Food and drink
Colors
Metals
Number
Tarot card
Elemental (fire, water, air, earth)
Trees and woods
Flowers
Days
Months
Moon phases
Zodiac
Planets
Incense
Teas
Essential oils
Directions (north, south, east, west)
Animals
Local plants, animals, etc
Dream symbology
+ Different practices
Practices that are closed to you (some examples below)
Voodoo and Hoodoo **Closed**
Santeria and Brujeria **Closed**
Shamanism and native american practices **Closed**
Wicca and wiccan paths
Satanism, both theistic and non-theistic paths
+ Different types/practices of magick
Pop culture magick
Technology magick
Chaos magick
Green witchcraft
Lunar magick
Sea witchcraft
Kitchen magick
Ceremonial magick
Hedge witchcraft
Death witchcraft
Grey witchcraft
Eclectic witchcraft
Norse witchcraft
Hellenic witchcraft
Animism
+ Deities
The deity/deities you worship
Different pantheons (the main five are Celtic, Roman, Greek, Egyptian and Norse, all open)
Deities and pantheons that are closed to you
Common offerings
Their epithets
Their mythology
Their family
Deity worship vs deity work
Prayers and how to make your own
Deity communication guide
Devotional acts
Ways to get closer to them
+ Other spiritual entities
Angels
Ancestor work
Spirit guides
The fae
Demons
Familiars
House spirits, animal spirits and plant spirits
Other various folklore entities
Spirit etiquette
Cemetery etiquette
Setting boundaries with the spirits
Communication guide and etiquette
Grounding, banishing, protection and cleansing, aka: "Spirit work safety guide"
How they appear to you
Common offerings
Circle casting
+ Divination
Tarot cards
Oracle cards
Tarot and oracle spreads
Pendulum
Numerology
Scrying
Palmistry/palm reading
Tasseography (Tea leaf reading)
Rune stones
Shufflemancy (Shuffling of a playlist)
Dice divination
Bibliomancy (Randomly picking a phrase from a book)
Carromancy (Melted wax)
Pyromancy (Reading flames)
Psychic abilities
Astrology
Aura reading
Divination via playing cards
Lenormand 
Sacred geometry
Angel numbers
+ Other types of magick
Candle magick
Crystal magick
Herbalism/herbal magick
Glamour magick
Hexing
Jinxing
Cursing
Weather magick
Astral work
Shadow work
Energy work
Sigils
Art magick
Knot magick
Crystal grids
Color grids
Music magick
Charms, talismans and amulets
+ Spellwork
What makes a spell work
Basic spell structure
What NOT to do
Disposing of spell ingredients
Revitalizing long term spells
How to cast spells
What to put in spells (See correspondence)
Spell mediums- Jar spells, spoken spells, candle spells, sigils, etc
Spell timing
Setting up a ritual
Taglocks: What they are and how to use them
+ Holidays and Esbats
Yule
Imbolc
Ostara
Beltane
Litha
Lughnasadh/Lammas
Mabon
Samhain
The 12 full moons (Esbats)
How to celebrate
Deity specific holidays
+ Altars and tools
What they are
The different types and their uses (travel altar, working altar, deity altar, ancestor altar, etc)
What you can put on your altar
What you use your altars for
Common tools in witchcraft
How to use the tools
Food and drink
Common herbs in recipes
Sabbat recipes
Moon water: What it is and how to use it
Potion bases
Tea magick
How to get your herbs
Foraging
+ Mental health and self care
Bath magick
Affirmations
Burnout prevention
Aromatherapy
Stress management
Mental health coping mechanisms
+ History of witchcraft
+ Dream records
+ How to differentiate between the magickal and the mundane
+ Calendar of celestial events (Esbats, retrogrades, etc)
+ How to dry herbs and flowers
+ What chakras actually are and how they work within Hinduism
+ History and traditional uses of reiki
+ The witches' alphabet
+ The runic alphabet
+ Common witchcraft terms
+ Common symbols in witchcraft
+ Your own witch tips
+ Good witchcraft books and authors to avoid
+ Any online resources you utilize often
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1644s · 7 days
Text
trust me, I’ve got nothing for you other than love
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warnings/tags: minors DNI, 18+, dark themes, implied babytrapping, woc!reader, mafia!AU (background), arranged marriage!AU, pregnancy, lovesick!lando, reader is on birth control but is she really?, manipulation, gaslighting, obsession, possessive behavior, dark!lando, these tags are not exhaustive
wc: 5.3k (what happened here...)
summary: Your marriage vows are til death do you part but Lando sees no harm in ensuring your forever is, well, forever.
dividers by @/cafekitsune :)
unedited, unbeta'd, etc. this was supposed to be maybe 2k but...here we are... anyway! there's a bigger background plot going on but I cannot be bothered to expand on it aldkjfas please let me know your thoughts and happy reading!!
also! sinha = lion in bengali :)
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“You just have to meet him, sinha.”
Through the grainy FaceTime call, your mother’s patient expression holds a touch of exasperation. She’s not scolding you but it’s a close call.
“No expectations?”
She shakes her head. “No expectations,” she promises and then she softens. She looks less like the wife of a criminal and more like your mom. “If you don’t like him—”
“Let me know what day he is free and I’ll clear up my schedule,” you interrupt, unable to bear listening to platitudes. It doesn’t matter if you like or dislike Lando Norris. Your father needs his family’s power and resources. This is a formality for your sake.
There are no expectations because this isn’t a choice.
You make a show of looking away from the camera as if being called and then look back at her with an apologetic grimace. “Sorry, I have to go. Someone’s at the door.” Your mother tries to say something else but you interrupt her with a hurried, “Love you! Bye.”
The call cuts. Your mother’s disappointed face lingers for a moment longer and then the screen fades to black.
Breathing out a heavy sigh, you rub at your face. Your parents have a way of forcing your hand and making it seem as if they are doing you a favor.
Objectively, Lando is nice. There is little overlap between your circle of friends and his but there is overlap and it lies with Carlos Sainz Jr.
Carlos has had nothing but good things to say about Lando when the topic is broached.
“A little immature but it is to be expected,” he laughed, wine sloshing in his glass. “He’s annoying. Like a little younger brother.”
That glowing review is all you have to go off of until Xavier comes back from his recon mission. You don’t think following Lando around with a camera necessitates such a dramatic title but it is not your opinion they ask for.
You’ve heard of what he is capable of but it is not the red flag it should be. Perhaps it is misguided and shockingly insensitive of you, but you care more if he will be a good person to you. You don’t need his affection but you do need his respect. And with that, you’ll need him to care about you enough to want to keep you safe. A man who feels obligated to keep you safe is not one you want.
Your phone pings. The screen lights up with a message from your father.
Clear your schedule for next Saturday. Wear something nice. Details to come.
-
Your spoon is halfway out of your mouth when Lando sits across from you.
His hair is perfectly styled to look effortless. A stray curl hangs down his forehead and only adds to his boyish charm.
He grins at you, eyes bright and shoulders relaxed. A backpack is slung over his shoulder and he’s wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants. They are of good quality but the lack of suit emphasizes his youth.
You’re suddenly struck by how young the two of you must look. It will be many years before Lando is expected to take over his father’s position but looking at him now, you can’t imagine such a situation. You know better, though, given his reputation.
“Fancy meeting you here.”
It’s so ridiculous it makes you laugh. “You really know how to keep a girl waiting, huh?” you say, more amused than not.
He’s fifteen minutes late but you don’t mind. Tardiness is the last thing you worry about in a partner. His body count, for example, is a more pressing matter.
The illegal one that is.
“I see you’ve gotten some food though,” he says, nodding towards the parfait you ordered. “Care to share?”
You offer him your spoon and when he reaches out, you pull your hand back. “Any allergies?”
He leans over the table and grabs your wrist. Dipping his head down, he takes a bite. “None,” he says around the granola.
You make a noncommittal noise. So far, he matches what Xavier’s detailed about him. There’s an easy going air about him which loosens the tension in your muscles. However, as much as you’d like this to be a normal introduction, you and Lando are working on borrowed time. So you’ll need to speed this along.
A litmus test might do the trick.
“Alright, let me see it.”
His smile disappears. “See what?”
“The file you have on me.”
He props his head with his hand. He’s careful as he says, “I don’t have a file on you.”
Leaning back into your chair, you cross your arms over your chest. You let the silence stretch between the two of you as you appraise him. When he continues to maintain his confused look, you sigh. It is foolish of you to think Lando will be honest. Honesty has no place for a marriage such as the one you will have with him.
“Okay,” you say simply. You tap your fingers against the table, a quick three beat tune before you give him a singular nod. “Let me know when and where to show up for our wedding. I’m impartial to a courthouse wedding but,” and you shrug, “It’s up to you.”
He straightens up. There’s a predatory stillness to him. “That’s it?”
You reach for your bag. He’s rented out the entire restaurant for the two of you so you’re sure the wait staff are being paid an exorbitant wage today. But it won’t hurt to leave a good impression in case you find yourself back here. You peruse your wallet, thankful you remembered to bring cash with you. “Yeah. Sorry to waste your time.” You’re perfunctory if not a little clipped with your response.
You think you’ll grab some lunch on the way back. The parfait, while good, only served to whet your appetite.
“Hold on.”
You can’t help but glance at your watch but you wait patiently as he gathers his thoughts.
“Why go through all this fuss?” Lando twirls his finger. “If you are leaving within—“ He looks at his watch and clicks his tongue, “Ten minutes?”
“I’ve been here for half an hour,” you remind him coolly. He winces but still offers no excuses nor an explanation for his lateness, so you steamroll ahead. “And if you’re willing to lie to me about something we both know is true,” you spread your hands out helplessly, “Then why bother with this? I’m sure my parents told you they set this up to appease me and you know what? Consider me appeased.”
He mouths appeased silently to himself. “You’re mad because you think I lied?” he clarifies, furrowing his brows.
“I’m mad because you are lying,” you correct icily.
“You really think I’d lay all my cards on the table so easily?”
“A file is all your cards?” you challenge.
His jaw locks. “No.”
You decide to cut him some slack. You dig through your purse and produce a folded stack of papers. Your parents were able to pull a sizable amount of information on Lando. It is supposed to remain confidential but this is your future marriage after all. You will be the one dealing with the Norris’, and Lando in particular, not them. You were rereading them up until you ordered and you presume Lando was doing the same given how last second this meeting is.
“I don’t want there to be an uneven playing field,” you say, waving the papers. “I want us to have a clean start.” Then you grimace. “As clean of a start as we can,” you amend.
He eyes the manilla folder. It’s fairly thick and you’re sure your color-coded tabbing only makes it more enticing. Lando kisses his teeth before reaching into his own backpack and pulling out a file. It’s much slimmer than the one you have on him.
You itch to reach over and take it but you restrain yourself. Placing your elbows over Lando’s file, you balance your head on one of your hands, mirroring his earlier lackadaisical pose. “So, is orange really your favorite color?”
“They have that in your file?”
He’s torn between being impressed and incredulous. It makes you wonder what they’ve managed to find on you.
You pull out a photo from your file. Flipping it over, you show him at a random dinner a couple weeks ago. You still don’t know how Xavier managed an invite to such a close-knit dinner but you suppose it’s best to not ask questions. “No. You just wear a lot of orange.”
He tries to snatch the photo out of your grasp but you quickly tuck it back into its place. “You have pictures of me?”
“I’ll show you mind if you show me yours.”
He rewards you with a laugh. “Yeah, s’fair.”
You pass over some of your photos and Lando does the same. You’re mildly terrified of how many Lando hands to you but he does not share the same reservations.
Lando flips through the photos. He keeps his expression neutral, betraying nothing as he sees how he’s been tailed without his knowledge.
“Do you have a favorite?”
You take a second too long to answer. “…Yes.” A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth but you refuse to let him embarrass you. “Do you have one?”
“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” he mocks. Without needing to sort through your pile, he reaches over and takes the one off the top. He places it flat down in front of you, waggling his eyebrows as he does so.
You motion for him to hand you the ones he’s holding and he obliges. It takes a short amount of time even with your feigned studying of the pictures to pick one out.
All of them vary in degrees of how off guard Lando looks but this one in particular looks as if it is any run of the mill day for him. He’s laughing, fingers digging into his friend’s arm for balance. His eyes are crinkled and there’s a lightness to him that seems as if it’s attached to him at all times.
You swallow. Heat begins to collect underneath your cheeks. You hope Lando does not realize how much this photo flays you open.
You slide across the table, face down as well, and wait for him.
“On three?” he suggests.
You can’t look at him. You’ve accidentally laid your heart on a platter and now you must let Lando decide if it’s worth devouring. “On three.”
“One…two…”
You don’t know what you were expecting but you do know it is not this.
“Oh my god,” you groan, cheeks warm for an entirely different reason now.
You’re lounging by the pool in an outfit that is appropriate when you think you’re not being photographed by a random man’s family. You’re shading your eyes with your hand, mouth in a pout as you consider someone in the distance. Odds are, you were arguing with your friend Hiba about something stupid.
However, discomfort soon replaces the embarrassment seeping into your skin as you make a mental check of when you last hung out with Hiba by the pool. That had been…months ago. Your parents had made it seem as if this arrangement was a recent idea and not one they’ve been concocting for months.
Your vision flickers for a moment as your blood rushes to your head. At least they decided against springing a surprise wedding upon you, you suppose. It can always be worse.
Lando lingers on his photo and then puts it down. “So lying is a big deal to you.” He frames it as a statement and yet, he glances up at you through his lashes. His bottom lip is tucked beneath his top teeth.
You thumb your stack of photos, hesitant to see the images that have created the baseline of Lando’s perception of you. A sharp pain flares at the corner of your thumb. Blood is smeared across the white edges of the photos. You press your tongue against the paper cut to stave off the pain. Lando follows the quick flick of your tongue.
“It can be,” you admit. You are many things but you are not unrealistic. There will be things Lando must keep from you, husband or not, for your safety and his. But you don’t think it to be too tall an ask for some modicum of honesty to be what the both of you default to. “I want to trust you. And I want you to trust me.”
“So you’ll be willing to divulge all of your family’s secrets then?” Steel underlays the playful tease in his voice.
You keep yourself from rolling your eyes but it’s a near thing. He is so dramatic. “You will be my family when we’re married.” An emotion you can’t place flits across his face. Filing it away for later, you point at him. “And you lied about something easy to disprove. I’d rather us not act like we’re strangers when I practically have a minor in Lando Norris and vice versa.”
He nibbles the granola from your yogurt. “A minor, huh? You’re that confident?”
You tilt your head. “Should I have booked a seafood restaurant instead for dinner then? I heard Mariana’s does an excellent salmon.”
“Ugh, no. They got that correct.”
You share a smile with him. The tension cracks, giving the two of you breathing room. “Look, I’m not asking for full discretion for the…unsavory parts. Just you know.” You shrug.
“A partnership,” he supplies.
You make a so-so motion with your hand. “Is that what we want to call it?”
“Well, I’m a bit of a romantic so…” His voice trails off suggestively. But the brightness in his eyes lets you know he’s mostly kidding.
You bite the bait he’s hanging so lowly in your face. Compromise is one of the commandments of marriage, right? “Oh, are you now?”
He nods slowly. He finishes off the parfait and now points the smeared spoon at you. “Just you wait.”
“Alright Romeo, let’s start with a date first,” you say, unable to keep from smiling. “I promised you that much, didn’t I?”
He slaps his hands against his thighs. “That you did. Steak wasn’t it?”
You make a face. “Boring but yes. Short notice and all.” You drop a couple bills onto the table before slinging your bag over your shoulder. “Ready to sweep me off my feet?”
“Born ready,” he drawls, standing up.
You don’t miss the flash of silver at his waist. The sweatpants don’t do a good job of hiding what’s hidden there but maybe that is the point.
He catches your wandering eye and extends a hand towards you. His fingers are callused and rough but it’s soothing to you. You’ve never known a soft touch in your life and Lando is no exception.
“I take care of what’s mine,” Lando assures you. “You won’t have to worry about a thing with me.”
His smile is all teeth.
-
It’s overwhelming to be the object of Lando’s desire you come to find out.
“Lando, not here,” you breathe, eyeing his closed but unlocked office door. His lips drag across your throat, open-mouthed and with a hint of teeth.
“I’m a newlywed I think I can be forgiven,” he says, rucking your dress up higher on your body. The edge of his desk digs into your thighs but you hardly notice as Lando traces his nose down your hammering pulse. “Or did you wear this—“ His fingers stop crawling around your hips when he realizes there is no scrap of fabric lying against your skin. He runs his hand over your smooth skin again as if to do a sanity check. “Oh, you’re such a tease.”
He looks up at you through heavily lidded eyes and you grin. With how voracious Lando’s appetite for you is, you didn’t think underwear was worth the chance he might ruin another pair of panties. You’re still mourning that hot pink set he ripped with his teeth.
“Didn’t feel like leaving you something to remember me by this time,” you quip, spreading your legs.
Lando groans, sliding his hand down your thigh until his fingers brush against you. “Fuck, you’re going to kill me,” he says raggedly. He nips at your throat, the bite sharp enough to leave the imprint of teeth. The pain dissolves as the fever in your blood heightens. He soothes the faint sting with a wet kiss, apologetic and unrepentant at the same time.
He sinks two demanding fingers into you with ease. You turn your face into his bicep, trying to keep yourself from gasping too loudly. Your teeth dig into the fabric as his fingers curl up, nudging a spot inside that heats your blood to an inferno. You whimper, urging him closer. Lust clouds your senses and makes his teasing touches torturous.
He drags his thumb across your clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure cascading down your spine. The muscles in your thighs tighten and your knee hitches up to his side.
Lando huffs a laugh, blowing cool air against your sweaty skin. “Thought you didn’t want this,” he mocks.
“I changed my mind,” you say. Unbuckling his belt, you try to shove his pants down. An impatient whine accompanies you when he doesn’t make it easier for you. “Hurry up.”
He kisses his way down from your jaw to your chest, ignoring how you plead with him. His lips skate across your nipples, tongue darting out to circle them briefly before he drags that same traitorous tongue up the line of your chest.
“Stop being mean,” you whine, trying to push his head off of you.
“You like when I’m mean.” But he acquiesces, shoving down his pants.
The head of his cock nudges at your entrance and your stomach twists. The smooth head rubbing against your cunt has you faltering, reminding you of where you are. You almost want to tell Lando to wait but then he’s hiking your leg over his hip as he sinks into you.
A gasp is punched out of you as he stretches you around his cock. He doesn’t give you time to adjust, instead, choosing to press himself into you even further, reaching somewhere in you you didn’t even know existed.
Lando drives into you, his pace so rough that you can hardly catch your breath.
You moan, a broken guttural sound that Lando swallows greedily.
“You don’t want the others to hear, hmm?” he whispers against your ear. His fingers trail over you, featherlight and too much on your oversensitive skin. Yet, you arch into the touch anyway.
Warmth begins to build up in your belly and you feel it down to your toes. Lando slides his hands underneath your hips and yanks you forward, forcing you to take him down to the hilt.
Tears blur your vision. Your blood pounds so loudly in your ears you no longer hear the muffled sounds of Lando’s business partners outside. A shuddering sob of Lando’s name escapes your lips.
“That’s it,” he croons. “Just like that.”
Lando rubs his thumb against your clit, synced with his thrusts. Before long, you’re tightening up and coming all over his cock.
He loses his rhythm as you whine against the sensitivity. With his chest pressed against you, you can feel all of him tense up. He jerks his hips into you shallowly one, two times before you feel the telltale warmth.
“Fuck, you’re so perfect,” he mumbles, resting his head against your collarbone.
Lando lifts your hand and curls your fingers so he can press a kiss against your wedding ring. And you think, yeah, this is a man you can learn to love.
-
The two lines weren’t enough to convince you but the ‘pregnant’ staring up at you is harder to dismiss.
You still rub at your eyes, hoping once your vision clears again, you’ll see the ‘not’ that is surely hidden. You wait a few seconds until your eyes adjust and the result does not change.
An anxiety induced nausea begins to curdle the little food that is left in your stomach.
You’re pregnant.
You’ve only been married for six weeks.
There’s a knock on the door. “Babe? You okay?”
You can practically hear Lando making the mental decision not to jangle the door knob though you know it kills him not to. Instead, he leans against the door. The wood creaks underneath his weight.
Somehow, you wet your throat enough to not have your voice crack as you call out, “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.”
You put the pregnancy tests back into the box and shove it behind your pads underneath the sink. Carefully shutting the cabinet door, you stand up and wash your hands. Your motions are methodical as if it is someone else commandeering you to scrub at your hands and dry them on the towel.
You turn the door knob slowly, pushing the door outwards. Immediately, Lando gathers you into a hug when you step out.
“I missed you,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss to the underside of your jaw.
You return his hug, perhaps squeezing him a little tighter than you usually do. “I missed you, too,” you say automatically. You’re still processing the two lines and the definitive pregnant you saw. If you had taken only one test, you could have convinced yourself it was a fluke. But two tests from two completely different companies would beg to differ.
“You okay?” he repeats, pulling back so he can look at you.
You don’t know how to lie to him so you say, “Just a little nauseous, that’s all.”
His attention sharpens. “Nauseous?”
“Mm hmm.” You try to duck underneath his arm but Lando holds you back.
“Hold on,” he cautions, running a critical eye over you. “For how long?”
You rack your brain for an evasive answer that will suffice but Lando is like a shark scenting blood in the water.
“How long?” he urges. There’s something wild lurking in his eyes. It cuts a serrated edge to his voice.
You won’t look at him. “I mean,” you hedge. “A while?”
That doesn’t cut it. “How long is a while?”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t keeping count!” you snap, throwing your hands up in the air.
“A couple of days? A week? Weeks?”
“Lando.”
He tries to smooth out the impatience in his expression. “My love, please humor me. I’m worried.”
You take a breath and count to ten. Running your tongue over your teeth, you try to remember the first time you felt this bone deep nausea that made you want to take your stomach out of your body. “Five days,” you say. “Now, can we go eat dinner?”
You aren’t hungry in the slightest. But a chewing Lando means there won’t be a talking Lando and you will take your wins where you can get them.
He looks like he wants to continue this frankly riveting conversation but you pout. It works more times than it does not and right now is no exception. He kisses his teeth and mutters an agonized, “You’re unfair.”
You force yourself to eat dinner. Your nausea clogs your throat, making each bite a monumental task as you try and listen to Lando recount his day. The food is heavy in your stomach, a leaden weight that you are overly conscious about.
Lando slows down in his complaints about Carlos. He puts his fork to the side of his plate. You find it hard to hold his attention for long.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
Smiling tightly, you nod. Saliva pools in your mouth and you pray you’ll last the five minutes needed for Lando to finish eating. “Just been a long day.”
He doesn’t believe you but he’s always indulged you so he swiftly moves onto discussing the rest of his day. You nod at all the right places and ask him follow up questions. Lando becomes so engrossed in picking at your brain that his suspicions are temporarily set aside.
It doesn’t take long for him to finish eating and for you to make your escape, citing a much needed shower as your reason. You rinse off quickly and run through your night routine before Lando can sneak in. You examine yourself in the mirror with every conceivable angle and find your stomach looks as it always does. Your pregnancy is in its early stages but somehow, you are fearful Lando will know by simply looking at your bare stomach.
He joins you while you finish brushing your teeth. There’s a disgruntled wrinkle to his brows and if you were in the right headspace, you might ask him what’s wrong.
He leans his hip against the door frame as he watches you apply your moisturizer. The wrinkle deepens.
“You feeling okay?”
The nausea has finally settled but your nerves have not. A staticky energy buzzes underneath your skin. “Yeah.”
It has only been two hours since you found out and you don’t think you can keep this to yourself for any longer. God, you guys haven’t even discussed kids yet. Lando deserves a proper announcement but you can’t do that when you don’t know if he even wants kids this early.
But waiting will do you no favors.
“Lando,” you say. Your throat strains and you feel the pinpricks of tears beginning to fill your lash line. “I need to tell you something.”
He tips your chin up. Worry darkens his eyes when he scans your sickly face. Whatever he’s searching for he does not find given by the flex of his cheek muscle. A specific type of misery replaces his worry and it makes your stomach tangle into a knot to know you’ve put such an expression on your husband’s face. “What’s wrong?”
He doesn’t look like he’s keen on the answer but he smooths his hand over your jaw encouragingly. His shoulders straighten as if he wishes to brace himself.
“I’m pregnant.” The confession is clumsy on your too thick tongue.
For a moment, Lando doesn’t react. It’s as if the words have no meaning to him.
“You’re pregnant?” he breathes. Both his hands are placed against your cheeks, cupping your face gently. “You’ve taken a test?”
You nod, unable to speak. And then you hold up two fingers, hoping he understands.
“Both of them were positive?”
You nod again.
A bright grin spreads across his mouth. “I can’t believe it,” he murmurs, eyes dropping to your stomach.
“You’re not…upset?” you ask in a small voice.
He’s quick to snap his attention back to you. “Why would I be upset? Are you upset?”
You bite your lip. You haven’t given it much thought despite how you’ve spent the last hour on the brink of a panic attack. You want kids, that much has always been clear to you.
But you certainly hadn’t anticipated getting pregnant only weeks into your marriage to someone who is essentially a stranger. You like Lando, and in your private moments you can admit to yourself you will come to love him for who he is, but you don’t know Lando.
“No,” you say, testing how it makes you feel. It gives weight to the indecision warring within you so you try to remedy it by following up with, “It’s overwhelming.”
He strokes your cheekbone gently. “We’ll be okay. We’re probably better off than most.”
You cut him an irritated look. Your baby will be provided for but they will also be in danger for the unforeseeable future simply because of who their parents are.
It is something you’ve always known for your kids but you thought you would have more time to prepare for it.
He frowns. “Hey, you know I’d never let anything happen to you. Or our baby.”
“I know that. It’s just—“ You shrug helplessly. “It’s so soon, Lando. We barely know each other.”
He scoffs. “We know each other plenty. Our, uh, what did they call it?” He looks around as if the word will materialize in front of him.
“Courtship,” you offer, amused.
“Courtship! It was long. Longish,” he corrects sheepishly.
Considering how quickly both your families wish to secure this alliance, the period before your engagement was quite long. You’re reluctant to call it dating given that you and Lando knew exactly how it would end but it was a two month period you wouldn’t have been afforded if Lando hadn’t pushed for it.
He had been gracious with your hesitation, promising to go at your pace. For all of Lando’s lightheartedness, he had a maturity about him that surprised you. His patience endeared you to him and it didn’t take you long to stop pushing off the inevitable.
And now look at the two of you: married for six weeks with a baby on the way.
You think you are going to be sick and it has nothing to do with your pregnancy related nausea.
“How are you not freaking out?” You press your forehead against his shoulder.
Lando takes things on the chin. It’s something you admire and wish you could adopt into your own personality with equal finesse. Unfortunately, you are built to overthink and anticipate the worst case scenario.
“I don’t think it’s hit me yet,” he admits. “But when it does, I’ll still be just as happy. It’s me and you. We got this.”
Fear clings to you but it’s tempered by his confidence. “I’ll freak out for the both of us then.”
He laughs. The sound is pure sunshine amongst the doom and gloom you’ve held close to your chest the past few hours. “Don’t you always?”
You punch at his arm, if it can even be classified as that. He laughs again and lifts your head so he can kiss you. He’s smiling so much it’s hardly a kiss but it warms you all the same.
“Where are the pregnancy tests?” Lando asks when he pulls away.
“Behind the pads downstairs.”
His eyes widen. “That makes so much sense,” he says to himself. You look at him weirdly but he doesn’t notice. “Be right back.”
He’s out the door and down the stairs in a matter of seconds. You’d find it cute if he wasn’t literally going to go grab some sticks you peed on. But you also deprived him of finding out with you so you suppose it is cute.
You eye your box of birth control pills on the counter almost forlornly. You were supposed to start a new pack two days ago but with how severe your nausea has been, you didn’t bother taking them the last two days seeing as they would end up flushed down the toilet soon enough.
With a heavy sigh, you pick up the pack to throw it away. When your finger meets the frayed edge of the box, you pause.
You know you didn’t open this pack. You couldn’t have and yet, it pulls apart easily. Pushing the pack out of the box, your eyebrows creep to your hairline as you notice the first two days of pills are missing.
A hand disrupts your vision as Lando smoothly plucks the box out of your grasp and tosses it into the trash. You follow the box as it drops into the trash. The two punched out holes peek at you over the opened edge.
Unease knits itself across your heart. An unfamiliar tightness coils in your stomach, the sort that makes your blood curdle in your veins. Lando wouldn’t—he wouldn’t do this to you.
It would be much easier to convince yourself if a self-satisfied smile wasn’t currently curving Lando’s mouth.
“Guess we won’t be needing these anymore.”
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this fic is finished. there won't be a part 2. thanks!
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sspacegodd · 4 months
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Unzip your bunnysuit.
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two-white-butterflies · 5 months
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silver spring | coriolanus snow | part two
Description: Coriolanus loses his family to war.
Pairing: young-president!coriolanus snow/wife!reader
Warning: childbirth, major character death, angst, reader is presumed to have died before the 74th hunger games.
part one
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"Coriolanus," you whispered in the dead of night, feeling water trickle down your legs. "Yes?" he raised his eyebrows, eyes adjusting to the light. You were silent for another second. "Yes?" he repeated his question, believing that you were too afraid to speak.
"The child is coming," you groaned - feeling another wave of pain crash towards your hurting body. He bolts awake, not a flash of tiredness seen in his eyes. "Alira! Violet!" he called for your maids, another groan escapes your mouth.
"Coriolanus, calm down." you mumbled, taking the sheets off your lower body. He takes a shuddering breath, regaining his composure. "I am calm," he lied - and all the lights of the mansion began to open.
The first lady is giving birth!
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It was his destiny to be haunted by all of the women he's loved before. His mother, Lucy Gray - you...?
The doctors always told him that your pregnancy was critical, that one mistake could cost your life. It was part of the reason why he distanced himself, he doesn't like to feel hurt - he doesn't want to vulnerable again. He sits outside of your shared room, the doctor arrived a few hours ago.
Are you trying to kill me, Lucy Gray!
He remembers screaming for that damned woman, even during the birth of his child - he couldn't help but think about her. He wonders if he stayed, would his life be different? He wasn't meant to be this - he wasn't born to be the President of Panem, he wasn't born to have all these powers - he took them from someone.
What would his life be like without that pain?
Maybe it was a small cottage, the smell of pumpkin soup - and Lucy. No, stop thinking about Lucy Gray. She's dead. You killed her, Corio.
He snaps out of his thoughts when Alira peeks her head through the door. "She wants you, President Snow." the woman informed, opening the door further until the gap was big enough for Coriolanus to enter.
He sees you laying there - eyes dull, and skin pale enough to see through. "Coriolanus," you called out to him, holding out a hand so that he may hold it. "Does it hurt?" he inquired reluctantly, afraid to show you even a tinge of care. "Very," you chuckled - the servants pull out a chair for him to sit. "- a pain worthy for a strong son." you added - forcing a smile.
Coriolanus couldn't help but smile back.
It was the first time that his smile reached his eyes.
"They've pumped me with enough meds to make a tiger sleep. It's making me drowsy," you continued with the conversation, hoping that it would distract you from the brain-shattering pain on your side. "It's good, you won't remember the pain after." he responded.
He could feel your grip tighten on his hand. You stare at him - forehead filled with sweat. He hates you. He tries to remind himself, but it was no use. How could he hate the mother of his child? How could he hate his wife?
"I wish that they just made me sleep - and cut my stomach open." you mumbled, feeling those tiny needles prick your spine. "The pain will go away, you should listen to the doctor." he mumbled, rubbing circles on your fist. "Gods be damned," you muttered - closing your eyes.
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"What's your favorite color?" he asked, trying to distract you from the pain. The doctor told him that the gap wasn't big enough for the baby to come through. "Green," you answered quickly. "- it's the color of camouflage." you explained, bitting your lower lip.
"Ahh," you hissed, feeling another contraction. "What about you?" you opened your eyes to stare at his. "Orange," he answered. "- and brown." he added and you frowned. "But you always wear black." you observed, as if he was mourning for someone's death.
"It's a professional color," he responded, adjusting his collar. You chuckled through the pain - regretting it after you feel a short pain. "Why do you like those colors?" you inquired and he looked deep into your eyes. "Orange - because it is the color of the sunset. I was swimming when I saw it the first time." he remembered.
"And brown, because?" your eyes narrowed.
"They're the color of your eyes."
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After a few minutes, the child began to come out.
You felt slightly nervous - afraid that it wasn't going to be the boy that Coriolanus desired. You postponed knowing about the gender due to this same fear. "Boy," the doctor informed in a monotone voice. "Brutus," you whispered out, reaching for the baby.
"Brutus Snow." you repeated, feeling his warm skin press against yours. "He is precious," Coriolanus whispered in a tone that only you could hear. "He looks just like me," you smiled, pressing a kiss to Brutus' forehead.
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He looks at your sleeping form again, eyes shut and snoring. He smiles, rocking Brutus in his arms - close to his chest. He'll never love a woman deeper than the way he's loved Lucy Gray, but he's never loved a woman as deep as he loves you.
Brutus cooes, burrowing deeper into his father's arms.
Coriolanus couldn't wish for anything better.
Sure, there were many things that he regretted in this life - many things that could've turned out better, but if he could return and do it again - he wouldn't to it any different. All his mistakes led him to you - and to Brutus Snow.
Your eyelids flutter, awake and gazing up at him. "Coriolanus," you mumbled - also burrowing close to his chest. "I love you," you confessed and he presses a kiss to the top of your head. "I love you too," he responds - although the following day he'll deny it and act oblivious. A smile etches your face.
Nothing else matters.
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(CORIOLANUS SNOW'S EXECUTION)
"What do you think will happen after this? Our father will be executed but his government will still go on. You're not stopping the wheel. You're not changing anything." Abel intervenes, Brutus presses his palms together. "Whatever happens to father, he had it coming." the older brother replies. "You are delusional if you believe that Katniss is your pawn, she's dangerous." Abel hisses.
Brutus takes a sharp turn, hearing the drums from behind them. "- and you believe that you are safe? All because you love her?" his eyes narrowed in insult. Brutus decides to leave the conversation at that - he steps towards the podium. "Life is a peach, brother. Enjoy it as it is ripe and filled with flesh." Brutus angles his head, before facing the crowd.
"Welcome to the new Panem! Today, all of Panem - of free Panem will watch more than a mere spectacle. We are gathered to watch a historic moment of justice. Today the greatest threat to freedom shall be met with fire and end all wars. This day signifies the end of tyranny and the beginning of a new era."
"Mockingjay, may your aim be as true as your heart is pure." Brutus smiles, nodding at Katniss while raising his arms.
Abel looks at his father from below.
A cold man, but a man that loves his family nevertheless. Coriolanus lifts his head to look at his sons for the last time. Katniss draws her bow - an air of suspense permeates through the atmosphere.
Katniss aims her bow but changes the aim at the last minute, hitting President Brutus Snow.
Abel gasps.
He shares a glance with Katniss before the crowd storms in their direction.
Abel manages to get away - to run in another direction while the people rip his father piece by piece. It was the fall of Coriolanus Snow's dynasty, but in the face of that - all members couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.
The fire continues to burn.
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