#cant fucking sleep disorder

[maidofmetal]

i’m literally gonna cry if i can’t fucking sleep jdjdjdmd

#metal speaks #insomnia #painsomnia #cant fucking sleep disorder #i’ve literally only slept like 12 hours in the past 2 days and i’m so fucking tired #i was up all day hoping i could exhaust myself and fucking sleep #butnfufjdkdmd #it’s been like 3 hours #i’m so tired #i too pain meds + melatonin and im dying 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #i’m so tired i feel like death

[nabaath-areng]

I haven't RPed in like 4 years and I'm severely more limited than last time, so... any disabled RPers got any tips for someone who's scared of dipping their toes back in due to their limitations? I'm a bit hesitant to just dive in given how much has changed in my absence, as well as worried about how my unpredictable health might affect the quality of my participation...

#like with all these days of unbearable pain and brainfog which i cant predict in advance #not to mention my fucking sleep disorder making scheduling outright impossible for me #like theres SO much that makes me worry that ill fall short and disappoint #even though i had these issues before as well they werent as bad as they are now #i just really struggle with the social bit and being brave with strangers and that has never gone away and likely never will #hashtag multiply disabled gang lmao #sincerely im ALL EARS for any potential tips or tricks from others who struggle with disability #silvi talks

[spacebugarts]

I'm just... so tired of needing to filter my words 500 times in my head before actually saying them in order to avoid giving off the wrong impression with my tone/wording, and then failing anyways. Even over text I need to rewrite things multiple rimes and use multiple different tonal indicators and it still comes out wrong!!! And then neurotypical people are just out there saying whatever and people understand what they mean every time! Its so exhausting just let me say things the way I mean them pls

#currently dealing with the rsd of someone misreading a silly little comment i made #and im probably misreading their tone too but its so hard to tell and i just wanna be done with that #hhhh brain... brain bad #i gotta get some sleep #pls dont read into anything i say its not that deep im just dumb and autistic #from now on just imagine me saying wverything with a flat tone and no expression ok thx #autism spectrum disorder #rejection sensitive dysphoria #rsd #neurodivergent #audhd #asd #autism #ahdjshsksj i just blocked someone bc i just. i cant deal with this rn #and i know itll probably just make me look like an asshole but at this point theyll probably think that regardless #and the whole ordeal is giving me a headache #but i wanted to say something just to get it out of my head #so i can fucking sleep #hhhhh

[wiseoldtree]

I'm (not) okay.

(I skipped one of my final papers because of a severe panic attack. I'll move up a grade anyway after a private exam but I feel like I made an excuse for myself. The looks of my family and peers don't help.)

#i feel like crying #and i hate it #bad mental health #i cant do this #i feel like im going insane #i feel so fucking alone #idk what to do anymore #i feel sick #i feel empty #i feel insane #i cant sleep #i cant stop crying #my head huuuurts #there are monsters in my head #not under my bed #bpd #generalised anxiety disorder #major depressive disorder #depr3ssion #adhd #i hate my existence #and my brain

[tianshiisdead]

Forget school actually please send hate to distract me from no money I'm so hungry o(-( dunno how much longer I can go with the 1 food item per day money saving scheme to attempt to afford rent

#diary #eating issues cw #not bc eating disorder for oncebut yk #mfw my periods stopped #idk if bc food or stress but wehhhhhhhhhhh hewp me #mfw ottawa unlivable rn #next sem student loans should save me for a while but they dont come till Jan... #like. ive been here before but im rlly sick this time (im usually sick but lol) and then exams on top of that and stress abt grandparents #im excited to see parents for xmas bc i feel like i cant continue on sometimes and i dont feel safe being alone in my flat #esp bc its so... like. dark aand small yk and i get claustrophobia but housing is so expensive rn so its the only place i could afford #idk idk its nothing new but im at the end of my line rn #ive been sleeping w the lights on despite cost bc paranoia and i think its fucking with me tbh tbh but again claustrophobia #like in general idk if i can go on like this 🗿🗿 #i feel so sick and cold every day and also tired nd its hard to study when im scared to buy water bc card may decline and my fridge is empty

[databent]

[pained wailing emoji]

#.pdf #rd #THE REST OF THIS IS JSUT ME WHINING. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE #i dont wanna go to work ‼️‼️‼️ i feel like i am nearing a breaking point i am sofucking burnt out #every time i go to work. my brain gets Scary at me. stresses me out. dont like it ☹️ #im supposedto be going in tonigjt but im dreading it sososo much #my work hour options have changed from “fully flexible” to “7am-9pm only” whcih yeah i know that doesnt sound that bad. but i have non-24 #(circadian rhythm disorder that makes me sleep progressively later every day circling fully around the clock over ~3 weeks or so) #and bcos of it often i have to force myself out of bed in what my body thinks may as well be the middle of the night just to get to work #and then i dont ever get enough time to recover from that to actually let my sleep fall back into its natural schedule wjich is the only #time i feel properly rested. so essentially im chronically sleep deprived which is making me chronically stressed and way less productive #i just reslly really want to fucking save up a little money and just Not work for a week or two. bjt. with my sleep bullshit i cant really #work enough to be able to put anything aside. at all #so. kind of an unrealistic desire i guess. lol #ive been feeling like this ever since like early january when i was told i ahve to stick to a more normal schedule. & its only getting worse #idont know i just wishthere was something i could do that was fully flexible on timing but also doesnt havw the kind of workload that would- #-stress me out like basically anything with longer-term projects so ykmow Most flexible schedule jobs. #i do have one thing in mind i could do on my own but its dumb and probably wouldnt make much money and has startup costs i cant afford rn..

[machinedramon]

legit wondering if when I start going to the doc for all my physical shit I should ask abt who I should see abt maybe getting mood stabilizers

i'm sick of this unending cycle of getting eight million ideas and scrambling from one to the next before burning myself out on all of them and falling into a depression and hating myself for not doing any of the eight million things I was excited about

#i am losing my fucking mind here i cant fucking take it anymore #i dont think im bipolar i just think the adhd takes the wheel and fucking floors it #i dont have delusions of grandeur (not more than a flight of fancy that i know is unrealistic anyway) or like. euphoria. #i also dont not remember stuff from from those surges of inspiration #i mean i might forget something but thats bc i got distracted and my brain dumped it to focus on New Shiny Thing #this is the equivalent of my 2AM mental breakdown so bear with me here i am Going Through It when i should be sleeping #also it feels like theres shit crawling on me and there isnt but i cant sleep bc i am ITCHY WHY AM I ITCHY WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THIS #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #fun fact: the sensation of shit crawling on you is called formication #which is really fucking funny #like i understand its from formica meaning ant but it is literally one letter away from fornication #anyway doing my usual webmd doom spiral and guess what gets formication as a symptom sometimes: bipolar disorder #im gonna laugh if i get a bipolar dx but it doesnt seem right #all the other options were autoimmune disorders like parkinson's and MS and fibro and RA #which. i might actually have rheumatoid arthritis. but the others? theyre scary. i dont wanna deal with that. #i dont even wanna deal with RA lets be real #farmer voice: i was just fine before i went to the doctor and now all of a sudden ive got an immune disorder #wait i dont think parkinson's is an autoimmune disorder thats a neurological condition #ok carry on #more fun facts since i am now down a wikipedia rabbit hole to distract myself from my itchy self #the process of ur limb falling asleep and going numb is called obdormition #then when the feeling starts coming back the pins and needles feeling is paresthesia #formication is an uncommon kind of paresthesia #obdormition is our funny word of the day and i look forward to telling someone about it randomly or for it to show up in a crossword soon #bc u know how u find something new and suddenly it's everywhere? #yeah. i get the feeling thats gonna happen here.

[tittyinfinity]

Another morning of typing out tumblr posts and then deleting them because of realizing how irrelevant they are

#and i cant use words correctly this morning i didnt sleep off my seroquel #and then got fucked real good lmao i got sex brain disorder #damn it im gonna miss him so much #.bdo

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#how is it that i can get only like 6hrs of sleep. go for an hr run up a mountain and still b wired #like ??? make it make sense??? im not even a lil tired. im considering going up thr mountain again #how does my body do this? im not even euphoric. i just habe too much energy #i just wanna smash things with a baseball bat. its so weird. i guess its not really an issue. i just dont understand it which bothers me #its either a mood thing or the hyper disorder :-/ but like idk how i havent noticed it before #like have i always been like that? i have evidence going back to 2019 but i didnt actually notice it until the last year for real #...i guess there is maybe a reason i didnt have so much energy before this but ya kno #whatever. i can try to find a therapist in like 10 days or something. so ill try to figure it out lol #idk im just vibing bc im sorta unemployed rn. i mean ive been hired as a TA but dont meet for that until thurs but im not at my research #assistant job anymore as of Friday. so i can do whatever tf i want. except im still working on my data 🙃 bc im fucked up like that #hopefully the energy lasts. or maybe not bc idk how i would fucking sit in an office at a desk like this #jesus. im like: me having adhd is impossible. but also me: having to do 3 things at once to pay attention and fucking dancing while i liste #bc i cant sit still. listen. i wont believe it until someone diagnoses me. but it wouldn't not make sense #ugh. i wanna run up the mountain again. but last time i was running twice a day to get rid of energy i fucked up my leg and its still #fucked up. but like not enough thst it hurts to walk so i still run on it. maybe ill go see a doctor once my new insurance kicks in lmao #oh Jesus my brain. maybe im just happy to havr all my insurance bullshit cleared up. i guess thats a bonus to living in like libertari4n #land. less regulations than my last state in terms of car insurance lmao #or maybe im nervous abt thr start of the semester. its gonna b a fucking wild ride lol #unrelated

[gaysexforlosers]

dysphoria is literally the worst bc i cant fucking do anything about it. like i cant just up my antidepressant dose or my anxiety meds or do grounding exercises or whatever the fuck because the things im upset about cant be fucking dealt with like that. its literally the only thing i cant fucking fix i fucking hate it

#percy posts stuff #vent #the seasonal affective disorder is hitting hard this winter besties #i am having a Week #dysphoria #trans #ftm #i got home today and cried for 2 hours straight #and then i passed out for 4 hours and then i woke up and now im crying again #and im also insanely anxious bc of a thing thats kinda related to this but i cant get into so #yeah #i feel like im gonna throw up idk how im supposed to sleep like this #im overheating SO much #fuck winter i hate winter

[lunarflare64]

I think the amount of jobs should be doubled, in the sense that people have to work half as much, but I also think it should be doubled again, in the sense that the world needs to stop focusing on you diurnal fuckers so that nocturnal folk can actually do things aside from just working night shift during dark hours

#one of the most frustrating things i swear #i might not be able to work because of my other disabilities #but i know other people with my sleep disorder could really use that kind of flexibility #plus nighttime is just boring on its own #cant exactly go for a bar for breakfast or lunch but those would be my only options if i went out while im nocturnal #lunch is midnight people! stop making it the ultimate closing time >:T #oh to have a 24 hour society #unfortunately it cant be happening anytime soon because capitalism is shit #and there would be no protections stopping people from being forced to work 16 to 24 hour shifts #fucking hell #FUCK DIURNAL PEOPLE AND FUCK CAPITALISM LET ME DO THINGS DURING MY 'DAY' FOR FUCKS SAKE #its 11pm and im bored #imagine being able to go to a library rn #would be nice to be able to do food shopping without being sleep deprived too #and doctors visits! i have a lot of appointments and theyre really hard on me because of the way my sleep disorder is #im getting a ton of testing on my heart done in just over a week and by then ill be fully nocturnal and its gonna be so hard to coordinate #im used to waking up in the middle of the 'night' for things but when it comes to medical testing theres so much i have to specify #because otherwise itll be inaccurate #like if they looked at me like a normal person a spike in heartrate at 8am would be moving about to start the day #but if they looked at me like me a spike at 8am is an intense jump while im falling asleep #i know what ive got is rare but still #why dont people think about these things?

[uniquezombiedestiny]

what. the FUCK is going on with my brain today 👁_👁

#im like 80-90% sure i had a manic. thing ig #and now i think im in a more depressive one #its noticeable but not like. impairing #really none of my disorders are tbh theyve always been chill somehow #i have no idea what i have yet or if i have anything but theres no fucking waaaaay this is the sleep deprivation from 1-2 days ago #<- actually 2 days ago (stayed up all night day 1 #[i forgot i cant use commas oops] and slept at night on day 2) #whats weird to me though is that the manic thing only lasted like a few hours #and i assume this part will too #idk of thats normal or of its supposed to be longer #if* #oh and a 2nd weird thing - did a tiny bit of research so far #it said some symptoms of bipolar 1 and that its usually longer and i just. suddenly felt like crying/really sad over it??????? #calmed down and just left google tho lol and went here #since ive told noone about it yet #so.... yeah. oh and a semi related thing i think i may have ocd too #<- i will never get 2 brownies instead of 1 knowing i cant eat it all again #<- felt like they had to eat the 2nd one even tho it felt terrible to since i was full #so yeah our brain is. weird #oh also. 5s. like everywhere #i sorta. did actions/took steps in 5s at one point #and when i specifically put times in the microwave i end them with 5 #<- since i do that. pretty often #....and i have to have 25 tags on this now #which is easy bc i have enough to say to make it work B) -yesod

[pinkfey]

so my mom is in the hospital with pancreatitis + dehydration because she can’t keep fluids down + unbalanced acid levels because acid tablets are the only thing that combat the pain in her chest because her meds don’t work like they should and what do u know !! that all leads to organ failure !!

#but how are they supposed to regulate her diet to treat the pancreatic inflammation when she CANT EAT !!!!!!! #her illness is so rare and times like these it dawns on me how much of a lab rat she��s been the past two decades and how much MORE difficult #it is for us to get treatment for her. no surgeries work. she gets a myriad of health problems like diabetes and pancreatitis as long term #symptoms. absolutely ZERO research goes into her illness because it affects no one compared to something like cancer #it’s so fucking frustrating. it’s destroyed her life and ours and the doctors really don’t do shit for her #she wouldn’t have to take acid tablets if they gave her the proper fucking meds !! #because the acid reflux is just part of her illness so there’s no making that go away #the dehydration is because she literally cannot get food or water down because not only does her esophagus not work due to the disorder #but all of the failed dilations and surgeries have fucked it up beyond repair. the only option for that is to remove it #just like. i’m so upset because only some of this was avoidable. #the dehydration and inflammation was bound to happen because that’s just what happens with her illness. she can barley get liquids down #but the acidity?? she’s been telling them for weeks the meds aren’t working and she’s been taking the tablets to compensate. this is on them #RNRNGNNFNDNG having a member of your family with chronic health problems is hard enough as it is but i can’t stress how much worse it is #when the condition is rare. we have hardly any resources and have to travel to get ‘good’ treatment like the dilations that don’t work #and so much is just fucking troubleshooting because so much is unknown #and she’s only getting worse. she’s literally wasting away physically and mentally because she’s getting no sleep and no nutrients. #AND AAAAAAAAAA i don’t get upset about this often because it’s so normal for me for the past fifteen years #but holy shit i deserve to be angry #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #every once in a while i really comprehend it all. how i had my mother robbed from me. from her own life. it makes me just sob #like i never did as a kid because i didn’t grasp it #if anyone read this far no well wishes please #i have a complicated relationship with her #and if anyone is curious what the disorder is it’s called achalasia and believe me i’m an encyclopedia when it comes to it #anyways.txt

[midyearflowers]

my mom, who every single day sits 15 feet away from where the cat litter is: hey can you stop everything youre doing and come downstairs to scoop the litter?

#gwyn tinvaak #god fucking forbid she gets up and does anything #she can just make me do it #and get all pissy and hard to deal with if i dont #but shes also one of those ''you did it once so now its expected you do it all the time'' #she thinks that cause im young im not capable of being tired and worn down #i literally this year was diagnosed with a sleep disorder that makes it hard for me to get restful sleep #but to her it might as well be a stubbed toe #aka not serious or important in any way and i cant complain about it #dont i know how hard it is for her? #sorry i had to rant

[haru-kanashii]

Who is anybody to say anyone is faking any type of disorder. You all speak so highly of getting diagnosed by a real professional.

Guess what.

you aren’t a professional either. You couldn’t actually say they are faking or not no matter the amount of research.

Just because their experiences are different. Ofc they are they’re living a different life.

You all talk like people fall into a different language composed of binary code. The perception of any disorder online, especially within social media, isn’t everything a disorder is about. Let them just mind their own business.

And for people who fake it. Just stop.

You all annoy me. I am infuriated.

#mental disorders #cognitive functions #dissasociation #faking disorders #healing #self healing #im so annoyed #self love #mental health #everyone #cant sleep #what the fuck #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #actually mentally ill #emotional validation

[suck-mein-pokeballs]

This week my entire paycheck went to meds and therapy

Being disabled is the best

#ive been trying to not take my meds on the weekend to save money and my good fucking shit #the difference between how i feel and my ability to function on meds and off meds is damn A LOT #and i dont even stop my antidepressants on the weekends #i just stop my sleeping medication and my adhd medication because theyre really expensive #and i cant even rest man doing this is so much fucking harder #im starting to feel less guilty about the mess that was my life and less ashamed #and starting to accept that maybe i am actually disabled #itll be a journey #i still think i should be able to do things #theres a part of me that still thinks im weak and i just need to try harder #and theres another part of me that is coming to terms with the fact that ive been trying to function with untreated ptsd + adhd+ depression+ #generalised anxiety disorders and its like well fuck maybe theres a possibility that it eas a little unfair of me to expect myself to #be able to function like everyone else #and maybe theres a small possibility that i might maybe be disabled #im working on this #ill get there #mein shit