#cannot get over them. personally I don’t like what they did with Dick because he looks scary but it’s okay because I can make him cute.

[poeticheathen]

BIKER! EREN JAEGER x BLK-FEM! OC

double tap. my backpack. - 🎒☁️ …

summary: eren jaeger, a famous biker and bike content creator, is petrified of women. however, a particular social butterfly and social media fashionista, sanaí wilson (pronounce suh-nigh), vanishes that statement ever coming into existence after a memorable encounter.

wc: 12k (lengthy and descriptive asl) if u not a fan, keep scrolling lol

warnings: sanaí wilson (21), biker! eren (22), shy eren, eren is afraid of women lol, black original female character (she oatmeal thicc) !, (oc), fluff and just a lot more fluff, eren is appreciated like never before, smut, strangers to lovers, eren and sanaí are literal sweethearts, tatted! eren, oral fem-receiving, missionary, prone bone, switch eren!, sanaí is submissive but so is eren, they both sluts, written in third person, downright filthy like no bs, eren is 6’3 and sanaí is 5’4, high emotions, mention of other aot characters, sensitivity, confessions, overstimulation, squirting, big dick! eren, eren is down bad for sanaí lol.

this really did write itself. excuse any mistakes. part 2? enjoy! <3

“so you guys have been pestering me to do a q&a and i said i would at 500k… and so here we are at-ahem.. 700k.” nervously giggling underneath his helmet, step for step in his low all white air forces, eren scrolls through each anonymous message.

“i just got done with the gym, and saw this parking lot to be a cool location.. and thought why the fuck not film here.” eren shrugged, grasping his jansport backpack anxiously.

“real shit, i honestly cannot believe half the shit you guys send me.. like-”

eren lowly squeals momentarily until continuing, “like why the fuck did i agree to do this.” eren laughs nervously to himself, long and slender fingers decorated in a few clad rings rubbing down his compressed long sleeve gym shirt. his other hand pointing at the camera teasingly, “that was a joke by the way, i know why you sluts-”

his hidden beauty marks were tainted upon his abdominal muscles flexing and contracting underneath such fabric with each chuckle that fled from his lips. on constant occasions, jealousy poured through different individuals because of a snatched waist that led into a dangerous defined alphabet after x. his muscular lower half without a doubt explained of him never skipped leg day. but also could be said the same for his back traveling to his shoulders, decorated in a few tattoos and beauty marks too.

as the sun began to set, the outlet parking lot was beginning to slowly become vacant, but not fast enough for an antsy individual such as himself. “before we start, i know i go missing every few weeks and don’t post as much as i used to but i do hope for that to change since i have some more free time at the moment. but i do appreciate each and every one of you.”

a shape of a heart with shaky hands suddenly is directed towards the camera sitting across from a obsidian ducati 2024 panigale position upon its kickstand. “fuck, i hope that heart came out somewhat cute for you guys”, a small smile no could see but deep chuckle was heard through the cute interaction.

he is currently filled with anxiety but promised himself this year he would be more open to filming in public spaces without his friends. subconsciously, eren continuously fidgets with his fingers knowing he’s receiving odd looks from other individuals as they pass onward to their parked vehicles while recording a video in a helmet. “you guys are such whores like i don’t know if i should be concerned and contact a counselor or be flattered.”

eren snickers and shakes his head, “i get it at times, but fuck i saw a comment telling me to run them over religiously like what in the actual fuck.”

after his laughter died down, eren clears his throat and notices the parking lot starting to illuminate underneath the lights. he answers the first mild question he has seen too often and chose out the other 95% horny messages, “am i single? um yes.”

eren decides to expand after seeing a relatable follow up question, can i be your backpack?

he considers his choice of words carefully with pursed lips before saying, “hmm, i am a very private person as you all know but i don’t want anyone to get their hopes up.” eren nervously taps onto his bike with his fingers as he leans his sculpted physique onto his bike behind him, head covered in an expensive helmet that reflects underneath illumination and exhales into a brief sigh while chuckling, “but i am without a fucking doubt absolutely terrified of women.”

it’s crazy cause eren isn’t afraid of anything else. anything you named, he’s practically done it. from bungee jumping, snowboarding, jump out of an airplane, and even jumping off of one of his best friends house party roofs into a swimming pool for a dare. however, talking to women was where he drew the line.

a deep laugh and snort resonates from within eren, cringing at his past experiences. he remembers and has plenty of encounters of women approaching him with his helmet on at different locations but indefinitely turning them down gently out of low self-esteem and other reasons, “i just.. yea you guys just fucking scare me. and also being cheated on doesn’t help with that but i hope that answers your question.”

eren continues on to answer other questions with the inability to stay still and doing different cute actions with shaky hands hoping he doesn’t look like a fool. it’s actually all the opposite, not realizing the vice he has his viewers under. or how snug the leash around their necks tightened with an unintentional moan or curse under his breath. or even how tight they were wrapped around his pinterest built fingers. but, he didn’t notice at all. more so, he appreciated the compliments on his physique but no one knew of his identity except for those really close to him. he promised himself he would never do a face reveal which was covered at all times with his helmet or blurred in other bike creator videos which they respected and understood.

it was a harsh reality of being ostracized for not meeting certain standards. he noticed other bikers in the same situation just as he became well-known throughout the rising community. he embraces the rated r commentary not realizing his small actions of pulling up his shirt at 109 mph and exposing a sculpted washboard abdomen was nothing but innocent. or, his peek-a-boo of shoulder length wavy hair and beauty marks collected onto his revealing veiny neck exposing a silver dangling chain was more than attractive, but unholy in the eyes of many. and of course who could forget the exquisite patchwork dutifully tainted upon both flexed arms that illuminated underneath once in a lifetime tourist views. but after a while, he noticed it was a constant expectation for those unintentional movements which he thoroughly disliked with a passion.

and riding motorcycles was his passion.

luckily, early on, eren clarified those supposedly so called thirst trap videos would come every once in a blue moon and shouldn’t be expected from any biker in a rant reel video. he literally just chose certain clips while editing that were of his aesthetic. with over 1.3 million views over the next few days, eren gained more followers and respect from not only the bike community but others as well. but of course, so called ‘supporters’ had a few words to share with him via dm in contrast to the positive love he was receiving.

‘you��re gonna lose followers’

‘that’s the only reason anyone watches you’

‘what the fuck? it’s not that deep’

if it’s not that fucking deep, why are you dm’ing me?

he ignored the horny anonymous messages and only responding to those that dive into hobbies and interests outside or related to his motorcycle content. with excitement, eren finds himself rambling on to other topics and forgetting a particular question, to then proceed laughing nervously rereading it to answer properly.

“i want to try knitting, not gonna lie. i saw this tiktok- oh fuck tiktok is getting banned you guys.”

as he’s rambling about tiktok, eren hears a car pull up behind him which makes him stop mid sentence. anxiety starts to swim into his veins until he turns around carefully putting his hands onto the front pocket of his bag for protection until he’s met with a heaven sent angel.

a literal angel that could provide all the protection he needed.

nothing but silence. eren recognizes it’s a woman once her car window levels down, a beautiful woman at that. his eyes soak in the scene before him once the material fades to a clearer picture. fuck that word beautiful did not do her any justice cause she was more.

so much more. the anxiety traveling throughout his body continuously sweeps him off his feet, but his heart thumping at the sight of her overpowered all discomfort. her beautiful caramel complexion and fluffy curly hair draped around like curtains had his fingers itching to caress.

as her car lightbulb flickered and illuminated, it allowed eren to take in the the most stunning painting. a studded nose ring complimenting her supposedly false lashes that that expanded the curiosity in her eyes to shine even more than they already did. even though he couldn’t see the rest of her body, he knew everywhere else that was hidden was to die for. he just hoped his dick wasn’t becoming hard as he stared at her facial features. sparkling teal orbs followed her plump lips that were coated in gloss that seemed to be moving as if she were talking-

she was talking. was she talking this whole time?

ah shit.

eren shook his head, laughing nervously with hands shaking immensely as his daydream ended, fidgeting with his helmet , and gaining enough courage to ask her in a shaky voice, “fuck, i’m sorry. i was just-” don’t over explain eren. “-nevermind. um. what did you say?”

sanaí found herself beginning to smile, noticing his nervousness even if he was wearing a helmet. his body language told an entirely different story, “no need to apologize boo. but i just said i loved your motorcycle.”

sanaí waved it off, flashing her pretty length nails briefly. as she keeps her honda civic sports car engine running, eren stands there in his 6’3 stature awkwardly having to remember she complimented his bike which is actually a first for him “oh, um.. thank you. this is where all my money goes so that may be why.”

eren again laughs but unexpectedly so does she at his wittiness. “trust me, there’s no judging here. i spend most of mine on either lego sets or hella clothes.. ah and bills.”

eren eyes go wide, finding the words coming out of her mouth a surprise. he attempts to open his mouth but quickly closes it not wanting to annoy her with his rambling even if she did mention her interest first. eren blinks his eyes while putting his hand up playfully in defense, “hey, who am i to judge?”

sanaí knows better than to talk to random strangers like this but she could tell from store entrance once she looked over, he was anything but a threat. and even more getting a better look at his stature, weirdly she felt safe. “how long have you been riding?”

“3 years.”

“any accidents?”

“none. but i ride safe.. most of the time.”

“hmm, do you have other motorcycles?”

“2 more..?”

“beginner bike recommendation?”

“hmm.. a kawasaki ninja 300 or 400.”

wait, was this an interrogation? why was he answering her questions so easily? and was she typing on her phone of his responses? if so, that is so fucking cute.

but for who? herself? her boyfriend?

eren you’re getting ahead of yourself. like last time.

eren shifts on his legs noticing he was still uncomfortable but starting to sweat due to this sudden interaction.

just breathe

“oh.. um do you want me to take this off- s-sorry..”

you shook your head, not wanting him to become more uncomfortable as he raised his hands to quickly remove the helmet, “no, you’re fine. i just want you to be comfortable.”

what planet did she come from?

he was trying but she’s so fucking beautiful and so out of his league

sanaí quickly wanted to reassure him given his movements and stutter as he lowered his hands from his helmet, “i just wanted to know more about motorcycles because of my little brother is all. i’m jotting all of this down in my notes- ” she quickly shows her app opened while giggling and smiling so fucking adorably that eren felt butterflies floating inside of his stomach. “i hope that’s okay and i didn’t make you uncomfortable with all those questions.”

what an endearing sound of her giggling. he desired to hear again, “fuck, you’re so pretty.”

unprepared for the compliment, sanaí felt her heart flutter as she froze up while typing and looked up over at him, “t-

but before sanaí could complete her smile and say thank you, it all happened so quickly before her eyes.

his thoughts were voiced out loud noticing her expression which made him curse underneath his breath, bowing his head disappointed and embarrassed.

eren quickly apologized over and over hoping not to have charges pressed against him, retrieved his camera nervously, and exited the outlet parking lot with his insanely loud motorcycle but not before barely hearing, “ride safe.”

sanaí wasn’t upset or confused as to his sudden disappearing act. she understood just what he was feeling as she’s been there. she just hoped to run into him again to console him.

eren knew he wouldn’t be at this parking lot again for a few weeks. he just couldn’t handle all the emotions rummaging through his mind and body, “yup. not gonna lie, this helmet confidence is complete bullshit… or it’s just me..” eren scoffs at himself, “you’re a fucking idiot eren.. of course, it’s you.”

but sanaí didn’t think he was an idiot at all. he was enthralling. she had never been so smitten by someone and not know of their appearance in all her twenty one years of being on this planet. but she was with him.

as she exits the parking lot allowing the right of way to ongoing traffic and sulking somewhat at his absence, she recalls his striking appearance. he sported late gym attire comprised of a long black sleeve compressed shirt and grey sweatpants that had her legs twitching at the memory. shaking her head of her slutty thoughts, she thinks back to his air forces paired with nike socks. her eyes took in each piece as if the constellation could disappear in which it did sooner than later. she briefly reminisced upon tattoos that peaked from the end of his long sleeve shirt and lastly his whore of a silver rope chain, a sight she desperately wanted to consistently view as if it were on display in a museum.

in her case, her eyes and throbbing pussy were the audience. but her heavy bottom could applaud if need be-

“girl, stop it.” sanaí giggled cutely. as she truly did have the most sinful thoughts as she cruised on her way home. of course, she did hope he made it home safely and wasn’t too hard on himself.

but eren wouldn’t know just how much, until he viewed the video footage that captured the whole encounter.

as the voice of r&b singer, alina baraz filled her apartment through her bluetooth speaker, sanaí completed her night skin care routine after finishing her shower. she took her appearance very seriously, which may be why she has 509k followers on instagram for her fashion haul reviews and healthy lifestyle.

it’s been a while since you heard from me..

she hummed with the music while smearing and coating her face carefully with essential oil and cream products that was a part of her routine.

she couldn’t help but smile at the thought of-

what was his name?

she never got his name.

but she did give-

and he never got her name.

“sanaí, now how in the- you normally introduce yourself. so what changed this time around.” she didn’t sulk as much but it was quickly returning. she cutely pranced around in her white mesh nightgown, paired with a white lace robe.

white painted toes tapped against the tile floor, as her nails met her phone screen. the view from her apartment penthouse reflected inside, fingertips scrolling through her instagram timeline of newly released fashion.

she quickly sipped her wine glass she placed upon her coffee table and plopped onto her living room sofa, “you better sing alina.”

sanaí rolled her eyes at the plethora of men and women that flooded her dm’s. she blocked a few due to the weird confessions of either attempting to find where she lives and if they had the chance of slipping something into her drink. even if they dare to try to do any of those acts, she carried protection wherever she went for sexual and defensive purposes. she’s only had one relationship while in college, just starting her career. reiner braun, her first love and heartbreak.

reiner didn’t see her career as a real occupation but more so as a hobby. but she should’ve known better given that night his parents invited them over for dinner, he revealed his true feelings after pretending to support her for so long to get into her pants. his parents asked of her plans after college, and reiner quickly interrupted saying, “she’ll be my housewife as planned.” reiner nervously smiled and sipped his glass of water, as his parents looked overjoyed with his answer.

“although, she could lose some weight after the baby.”

what the fuck? a baby?

they were planning on getting married eventually. if he ever proposed but now she knew why.

sanaí started laughing, comically as if it were the funniest joke him and his mother ever told. because it was. his parents suddenly stopped talking as did reiner. you literally freakishly smiled with tears in your eyes, wondering what did you ever see in him.

reiner’s mother gentle voice asks, “dear, are you alright?” sanaí wiped her tears still laughing and painfully scoffing with anger. her response leaving all three of them speechless. a horror movie scream left his mother and a confused curse word left his father once a seat scraped their expensive floor and a plate of food drenched onto their bitch made of a son’s head.

she didn’t say a word.

the cherry on top was throwing the glass of wine onto his mother’s face. the horror scream got louder as reiner begged his yelling parents to not press charges. reiner ran to sanaí as she stomped out of his house with shades placed upon the bridge of nose as if this were a scene out of a blockbuster movie. he was yelling her name but she didn’t turn around even once until a hand grabbed her, “let me go.”

“sanaí, are you fucking crazy?” there was food pouring down his face and neck unfortunately soaking a dress shirt and pants she paid for. there was a cloud that washed over her and vanished just at the sight of him.

“listen once we-”

“reiner, i happen to not give any fucks about what you’re about to say. all i know is, if you’d like to press charges..” sanaí snatched her arm way and stepped closer to his ear whispering words that made him freeze, “.. remember i still have the receipts of you gambling with your parents hush money.”

and she hasn’t looked back since.

the cost of living in a one bedroom penthouse was not cheap. but sanaí had never been one to own anything that didn’t scream at the top of their lungs high value even when she couldn't afford it. her parents taught her to always save and the lavish life would soon present itself. and it did.

the luxury details consisted of high end appliances and stunning dining table in the kitchen. oversized windows that extravagantly emphasized the finest modern decor in the living room. the bathroom practically mirrored the kitchen, but a toiletry set and other necessities in a magazine were displayed expensively. a red fluffy rug appointed at the entrance, skin care products and other essentials such as candles were neatly placed upon the granite counter. the theme followed her sunset lights behind her flatscreen tv, plants in and modern art of different r&b artists hung in her bedroom. her apartment was the epitome of a pinterest apartment board.

can’t keep making a home out of you..

sanaí propped her legs inward, as she continued to scroll. having no control over adding things into her insta cart, inserting a few pieces onto her started cherry blossom lego set placed on the coffee table, and trying hard not to think of the guy from earlier.

as looney tunes played onto her tv, she doubled tapped left and right for a few minutes. until as she was about to scroll upward, the algorithm must’ve heard her conversation earlier with her friend about him that a random biker appeared onto her feed.

ejae.moto

sanaí sipped slowly, opening the comments before the as she raised her volume to hear him start to spill these words from his mouth, “so yea, i-i honestly can’t believe i did that shit. i said fuck you’re so pretty and my scary ass just dipped as if she was the plague.”

sanaí eyes started laughing at his fumbling, finding it all cute and adorable as he spoke, “aww, he’s so cute.”

she hovered over the double tap option on the video but stilled at his next words. she shook her head in disbelief, not allowing her delusional thoughts to catch up to her, “fuck she was so pretty. and my god-”

even through the wind drowning out his voice due to his weaving in and out of lanes, she could loud and clear hear his thigh twitching groan “-the fact that she played with legos had me almost levitating.”

wait was he talking about her?

sanaí recalls the interaction and shakes her head in disbelief cause there was no way, “nah, i’m tripping right?” she listens closely at his voice and watches the 360 camera automatically sway on over to a sudden fellow biker of his as he spoke while they were at a traffic light, “and she complimented your bike.. yea you fumbled hard.”

the other biker started laughing but quickly stopped as the biker that was starting to resemble the guy from a night ago presses a button that assumably powers off his motorcycle given he can’t move, “wow. real mature bitch, but i hope it was her boyfriend she was asking those questions for instead of her brother.”

yup… he was talking about her.

the biker throws him a gloved middle finger as his t-shirt flaps into the wind connecting to his defined upper abdomen as if it were wet skin once the traffic light changes to green, “yea, i recorded that whole interaction unintentionally since i was doing the q&a for you guys. i played it back a few times cause of her voice-”

oh my god, why the fuck is he so… adorable?

sanaí’s heart started to repeat that same feeling from a couple nights ago. she placed her hand over her heart, feeling the thump desperately wanting to come out of their chest. there was something about his gestures she could tell were genuine.

“eren, you such a simp ass nigga.”

his name was eren.

“fuck up ony. what i meant to say was i..” eren clears his throat as she heard laughter from his friend he called ony, adjusting his strap as he looks over his shoulder to proceed into another lane, “- won’t be posting that out of respect for her. and yea, i just decided to share that experience since i am so fucking private about a lot of shit but also.. i can’t stop thinking about it cause mans really had l rizz.”

eren nervously giggles, as ony mumbles, “what the fuck.. you cute unorthodox ass nigga.”

sanaí laughed at their repetitive banter while they both turned into a gas station, “i am cute as fuck.” eren raised one of his arms and placed his hand underneath his helmet where his chin resides into the shape of a check mark. she could tell he was most likely imitating a lightskin facial expression once he winked through his helmet visor. sanai let out a snort unintentionally while smiling from ear to ear and giggling at him facepalming his helmet afterwards.

“she seemed like she didn’t give a fuck and you just assumed as always. you should’ve asked her to backpack.”

she didn’t

“pretty sure she would’ve said no. i mean i was so nervous and.. just n-no, i fucked it up. bro if she sees this-”

backpack?

she heard the term a few times from her little brother when he would show her different motorcycle reels. she understood it as a biker’s significant other coming along for the joyous ride.

just the thought of it sent an exhilarating sensation throughout her body.

“-but to the particular woman.. fuck my life i don’t even know your name..” even though ony was wearing a helmet, sanaí could feel the blatant stare he was giving as he kept rambling adorably while coming to a stop at a gas pump. “.. but if you see this video.. which i pray you don’t. i’m sorry, i’m just not good with.. interacting with women that aren’t related to me like my mom or niece.”

before the reel ended, a wild ony comes into the camera which removed the attention away from eren and says while laughing, “fuck all that. ma’am, dm him please.”

next reel in 3…2…1

oh she will

she looked over to see as to how many likes he received and she could not believe the numbers, “513k likes.. and 320 comments?”

okay he’s a big deal..

sanai remembers when she was just starting out when it came to her social media content. there was so many rejections, barely any sponsors, and not even a decent amount of income to move out. so called friends never fully supported her, but was looking for a hand out when her appearance started to make necks turn even more before the money started to roll in. but she persevered cause she knew of her worth while getting a degree in social media and marketing. in just two years, sanai has became one of the top fashion haul reviewers and lifestyle guru's post-graduation. her previous set up beginning in her parents garage of just her phone as they fully supported her could not compare to the luxurious and expensive set up she currently utilized.

however, sanai is thankful for the humble beginning. she has been able to do what she loves everyday. but also an additional bonus is to be invited to multiple events of the biggest and well-known brands. from gucci, prada, tori burch, adidas, and even nike. as the success came, networking with other collaborators was top of the list. she ensured to become more of a social butterfly and make an impression any chance she was given with class and humility. having traveled to three different countries in the last two months, buying her parents a new house, paying for her little brother's college tuition, owning her own apartment, and buying a straight out recently released honda civic sport made all those sacrifices of skipping multiple invites worth it.

she's sure eren had a similar story.

without another second thought as another alina baraz song swims into her ears, sanaí double tapped the video. and before she knew it, she was ‘reviewing’ than stalking his profile. “he has 715k followers? well damn.”

as sanaí viewed more cinematic videos and pictures, she started to understand why eren was so popular. his quirkiness and authentic personality could draw anyone as it did to her. those sparkling teal eyes sanaí recall from that night piercing from his helmet and overall appearance from the neck down was a heavenly picture. it would make anyone dare not to be banished to hell after witnessing such a sight.

“he doesn’t realize just how much of a gem he is.. huh?” lucky for eren, sanaí wasn’t afraid of sending a dm.

“bro, that video now has over 1.1 million views.. she’s had to have seen it.” eren was conflicted. he wanted to remove the video, but a part of him was hoping she did see it.

should he remove it?

on this late evening, eren had just finished shooting a rolling video with a new sponsor and his friends ony, connie, and armin. it was evident they were all exhausted after 3 hours of shooting given the yawn that escapes from his lips which create a domino effect while packing up, “fuck, my mom probably seen it by now.”

just four years ago, all four towers decided to buy motorcycles and get their motorcycle license after connie finally convinced them in their senior year in college. none of them knew at the time the impact they would have on the youth, inspiring upcoming bikers, and families and friends. they wouldn't change this lifestyle for anything.

armin, the quiet one, without effort got all the women with just a smile and stare from his ocean blue eyes. his blonde curly hair was messy yet still neat as he raked his fingers. his appearance consisted of an all white baggy hoodie and blue fitted jeans paired with expensive white motorcycle boots. connie, the recovering fuckboy, goofy and reckless sported a raven moto lilac hoodie that hid neck tattoos, black jeans, and black motorocycle boots. lastly, ony, the dad of the group given his huge family is known to be blunt as fuck and a huge teddy bear. he pulled the shiesty from over his spinning waves after removing his helmet, and quickly brought his hood over his head since he too wore a hoodie but with a jean jacket attached that also hid artwork on his skin. he adjusted his gold chain in the night wind and walked over to his friends in black jeans and motorcycle boots.

what didn't help was that they all pretty much had undiagnosed adhd but it was never a dull ride with his day one homies. it was a worldwind of comical or chaotic events of connie always humping the air at traffic lights or better yet or any of them. ony cursing out everyone because no one listened to him when he stressed there was a cop, and armin randomly killswitching at traffic lights just for the hell of it.

but if there was a girl that requested a ride, they would all point to eren given his fear of women to tease him. he would close his visor and pretend to be mute bringing intense laughter out of his friends lungs. however, whenever a kid asked for a wheelie or a rev, they did so without question.

connie momentarily took off his beanie and rubbed his leopard patch buzzcut, smirking as he cleaned his helmet visor “speaking of moms, how is ms. jaeger?”

eren gave connie a deadpanned facial expression, "my bad." armin and ony laughed loudly, barely leaning on their bikes trying to stay upright while smacking one another at connie harmless jab at eren, "don't fucking play with me."

they both knew connie lived to annoy eren just as they both did. coming down from his contagious laugh, ony says seriously to comfort eren with a hand on his shoulder, “nah but foreal e, don’t trip. if she don’t, then she don’t. you gon be straight either way.”

eren sucks his teeth while looking off into the distance, “i’m deleting it, fuck it.”

“bro”

“nigga”

“pookie”

eren groaned as he tried to escape and step away, while the three of his friends reached out to him, knowing out of the four of them eren was the most easily stimulated. they know after his first relationship, eren changed a lot. it was difficult the first few months, but he turned that pain into making her regret ever stepping out on their relationship.

they all barely went to any parties. they all preferred riding their motorcyles late at night over meaningless sex and expensive booze which surprised a lot of people they considered friends. but they didn’t give a fuck.

while they attempted to talk him out of making that mistake, a notification chimed from his phone.

“see that might be her right now.”

bullshit.

eren pulls his phone out and his eyes widened at the sentence before him. he rereads it then clicks onto her profile to make sure what he saw wasn’t his imagination given he kept checking his direct messages religiously for the first time ever.

[DIRECT MESSAGES]

lifeofsanaí

well since you didn’t ask me, i’ll ask you.

can i be your backpack?

seen

now here eren resided outside her apartment building, double checking himself in his bike mirrors preparing himself to take sanaí wilson, the woman he couldn't stop thinking about out on a bike ride. he could barely sleep the last two days given how excited he was, but sanai had the same experience.

eren and sanaí chatted on instagram back and forth over the next few days until finally and surprisingly, eren sent her his number. both of their friend groups were annoyed yet were so happy in seeing them grin from something the other said to have them make such a contagious expression.

it was too soon to tell where this could go, but even if they both denied it being more than just a just a friendly outing, their friends called bullshit. without any fear, sanaí decided to call eren last night given her miniature nerves. she knew her actions were odd to others looking in, but once she heard eren’s nervousnesses dissipate while talking about legos, motorcycles, his mom, his younger sister, and interested to know more about her career he called it, she knew this was something more.both of them were anxious to see one another.

after showering and brushing her teeth, sanaí was currently rushing around her house with setting powder underneath her eyes and deciding which pair of shoes to wear with a less than extravaganza fit. she decided on a cropped black tube top and low baggy khaki’s sitting low on her hips that did nothing to hide the heavy bottom she genetically inherited. the outfit brought out her curvaceous figure as she walked by her bathroom mirror settling for olive suede pumas on her feet. her normal curly hair was pinned back into a low ponytail and baby hairs swirled to heaven, added just the right amount of class she was going for. the moment she started adding accessories, she hears a notification chime go off.

after adding her rings, heart necklace, and earrings, she dusts off the excess powder with her powder brush and places it into her self-clean makeup box. she takes a double look in the mirror as she sprayed her favorite burberry blush perfume. finally, she topped it all off applying her smeared black liner and gloss.

sanaí grabbed her phone from off of her kitchen counter, reading:

eren 🏍️ <3

downstairs

read

sanaí 😮‍💨🥰

coming (-:

read

while eren waited for her, he couldn’t shake the nerves no matter how hard he tried. he decided to keep his helmet on for the time being, not sure if he wanted to take it off anytime soon. he was hoping and praying the helmet confidence kicked into his blood stream sooner rather than later.

as he leaned against his bike, he shot the visor up noticing he was getting a few stares from apartment residents either walking their dogs or jogging confused as to why a male was sitting in a parking lot in a helmet. he didn’t want law enforcement approaching him whatsoever, so he nervously waved. however, he quickly realized that may not be a good idea. his eyes maneuvered around the area watching the shadows of different items in front of the apartment lobby outside shift as the sun started to set. he noticed this was nowehere near close to a cheap place to live. he applauded her hard work ethic, knowing it was not an easy road.

yea, he stalked her profile .. and?

eren fidgeted with his phone until he heard footsteps nearing him, and his heart damn near stopped.

sanaí waved happily while approaching his bike, her smile causing his eyes to squint hinting he was smiling too, “hi, the man. the myth. the legend.”

eren deeply chuckled as his eyes never left her, and let’s just say he wasn’t the only one taking it all in. he literally towered over her. she didn’t think he was that tall from that night, but here she stood to be proven wrong by that assumption. she almost let out a moan eyeing him from head to toe at his casual attire. it was a fact that he could wear a plastic bag and look better than half of the celebrities attending award shows. brown eyes traveled from all black short sleeve tee that did nothing to hide his patchwork sleeves that complimented his long fingers decorated in clad rings. he paired it with simple black jeans and classic black converse that made such an obvious statement with that consistent present silver necklace she adored sitting perfectly around his beauty mark filled neck.

“wow, that’s how we starting off, hm?” sanaí giggled in response to his child like muffled tone, playing gently with her belly stud piercing as he gathered his other helmet off of his bike. as he turned around, his eyes quickly followed the action that made his jaw clench and one of his nervous hands ruffle the ends of his hair.

“but hello, sanaí.” eren did a small wave, that made the butterflies grow even larger.

she had to know the effect she had on him right?

he had to know the effect he had on her right?

eren licked his lips quickly at the sight of her rolls and small pudge enhancing her curvy waist to her belly button piercing to be even more sexy than it already was. the wide hips he wanted to glide his hands over just did it for him. he was such a fan of women not giving a fuck and breaking stereotypes. he could faintly imagine her looking too fucking good when they fuck-

when?

“you look r-really good, by the way.” sanaí looked up at him, starting to blush from his compliment. he groaned at his stuttering, ready to apologize until sanaí held her hand up, “you better not apologize. eren, just be you, babes. if that’s you stuttering, or whatever else, i don’t care. i wanna see it all, remember?”

she felt like she was in high school all over again but a more mature crush. the way he was looking down at her was everything and anything all in one. both of their hearts could not stop loudly thumping in their chests, hoping neither could hear it.

“okay. s-” eren took a deep inhale before laughing as sanaí squinted her eyes attempting to be playfully angry at him beginning to apologize again. “yes ma’am.”

another heartbeat made itself known.

“so have you backpacked before?

“never.” sanaí shook her head, as eren stepped to her and her nostrils inhaled his dior sauvage cologne. “that’s more than okay as i’ll go over a few rules. but before that, protection is needed.”

“do we need protection?” sanaí gazed up at him smirking at his reaction. eren swallowed with nervousness trying not to look into her eyes while placing the helmet over her head. he could feel this was going to be a bumpy ride.

“for now, we do.”

fuck

sanaí was trying so hard not to grab onto his abdomen that looked as if was wet. the showcase of his defined abdomen and shoulders catching her eye until he got even closer to clasp the helmet in front temporarily hiding the view.

sanaí fidgeted on her feet as eren started to get high from her delicious perfume and body wash scent, “is it too tight, pretty?”

he didn’t hear a response as he was so focused on securing the helmet underneath. he maneuvers his eyes unprepared for such a lust and adoringly filled gaze. his hands left the helmet, as his jaw clenched again with never breaking eye contact, “no, it’s perfect.”

the way the words fell from her lips, eren felt she was speaking to him. he had never been complimented in such a way that it made everyone woman before sanaí, incomparable. she was it for him, whether she knew it or not.

they both separated once they heard a car alarm go off breaking their intense staring contest. eren cleared his throat patting his bike as sanaí rubbed underneath her necklace, “u-um this is delilah. my baby.”

sanaí cutely steps forward and rubs the bike mirror affectionately, “hi delilah. please don’t drop me.”

eren laughs with playful rolling eyes, “she’s not. i won’t let that happen. but if you don’t want to-”

“i do.”

eren cheeks were starting to hurt from the smiles sanaí caused upon his face, chuckling at her rushed out answer, “okay. so i’ll get on first, and then you’ll hop on, okay?”

once eren is seated, he holds his hands out for her to grab onto, “you see those little metal bars sticking out? they’re called pegs. so place one foot onto one, and then swing your other leg around to place the other foot onto the other but hold onto me for balance.”

sanaí did as eren instructed, his hand grabbing onto her leg to adjust it onto the peg which she found cute, “are you comfortable?”

“i’m good.” an upright thumbs up makes it way in front of eren confirming that she was indeed good. eren and sanaí giggled but his got caught in his throat suddenly when both of her hands wrapped around his small waist.

she’s too much and he loved every second of it

“f-fuck. okay, so the rules are simple-”

eren could feel himself getting hard against the tank once he felt her hands glide across each ridge and groove of his abdomen, “y-you are going to lean whenever i lean. tap my thigh to speed up. and-”

he couldn’t think straight with her hands on his body, but he persevered while explaining, eren groaning out “double tap to slow down. at any time, squeeze my shoulder if you need anything. fuck-”

“someone’s getting handsy.” eren nervously giggled as he cupped and still her hands as he felt her breasts pressed up against his back. he wasn’t sure if he was going to survive this. sanaí smiled at him clearing his throat from her teasing, “okay, the l-last is tapping your helmet like this-” he made a notion with his now gloved hands onto his helmet after he placed your phone and wallet into his bike compartment. “-if you see a cop and just hold onto me at all times, that’s it. need anything repeated?”

“hm hm. i got it, babes.”

now he was hard

“oh, just remember to hold onto the tank when leaning and let’s hope i don’t get spotted today.”

“why?”

“cause i don’t want to be interrupted when i’m with you.” eren didn’t even realize those words had left his mouth so easily since it was said with so much confidence. sanaí arms collected goosebumps from the swoon worthy statement.

but before she could respond, he flicked down his visor and hers, and his bike engine roared once he turned his key.

it sounded so good.

the helmet suddenly connected to his bluetooth, allowing sanaí to hear his deep voice in her ear, “this is cardo, which is pretty much bluetooth for bikers. you’ll be able to hear me and i’ll be able to hear you. ready?”

sanaí spoke into the helmet, while her hands tightened around his waist again with a grin on his face, “whenever you are. where are we going?”

“wherever you want, pretty.”

and they were off.

sanaí was in love with the thrill of it all. she could tell eren was in his element, given his head nodding to the music playing in both his and her ears. she didn’t give him any destination, so eren decided to show her his favorite spot to ride through. as tommy richman million dollar baby traveled through the bluetooth, he switched lanes with such ease. “you good, mama?” he says while tapping her thigh with both hands to the music once they came to a traffic light, feet planted into the ground for balance.

there goes her underwear

“holy shit, yes! this is amazing.”

it is amazing

she was already heating up due to the humidity, but getting more and more wet watching eren change lanes again as if it were a scene out of a james bond movie. his shirt started to move and be picked up by the wind as he sped up and shifted gears, causing her hands to meet hard ridges she daydreamed of touching earlier. eren hissed at the contact just as his bike revved loudly throughout the illuminated tunnel they were traveling under trying not to crash, “t-this is my favorite spot.”

she didn’t understand until the tunnel bypassed in a blur and the scenery that came into view stunned her, “wow, it’s so beautiful.”

it was a botanical garden. vines upon vines wrapped around the railings that hung near the road. flowers poured around the establishment giving the dark edge some type of floral aesthetic. sanaí suddenly felt eren’s hands grab both of hers to spread them, turning her figure into a shape of t, “spread them.”

her legs? cause she will.

sanaí felt the wind caress her skin and roar in her ears like an aggressive plastic bag, as she did as he instructed. she wasn’t scared at all traveling at this speed, eren smiling through his helmet upon hearing her excited squeals as he checked his mirrors and shoulder for any vehicles to change into the next lane.

sanaí was beyond wet at this point, desperately wanting to get to know the guy underneath the helmet but she couldn’t take it anymore. she needed him. she needed his touch.

it was at this point night time. sanaí swallowed as she watched eren fill his tank up as they had stopped and pulled into a gas station for fuel. the scene was happening so slowly in sanaí’s head. his body line ridiculously dangerous with his hair caressing the back of his neck. muscular biceps and back flexing with veins protruding from the minimal movement. to top it all off, his long well-kept fingers gripping the nozzle causing her thighs to twitch. he handled it with such delicacy as if it were made of glass. with eyes in the back of his head, eren says, “i can feel you staring”

“can’t help that you’re so beautiful from behind” eren smirked and blushed as he tapped the nozzle to ensure he got his monies worth before placing it back into its original position before his eyes met her lust and adored filled gaze, “i guess. have you seen yourself?”

“hmm, i have.” sanaí giggled sweetly and comes up towards him, taking a leap in wrapping her arms around his waist. “is this okay? i just wanted to do this.” she waited for eren to push her away, but eren stared down at her, breathing uneven, “y-yea. this is okay but someone could recognize-.” sanaí didn’t care if he was spotted as he hesitates with his hands until sanaí grabs them and immediately wraps them around her bare slim waist and he instantly rubbed there sensually with his hands, “is t-this okay?”

“more than okay.”

to any oncoming lookers, they could sense the love and without a doubt, sexual tension. eren was suppressing himself from touching her affectionately as if she were his girlfriend the whole time. but here she was, making a bold claim on him. he was also suppressing his covered dick with everything within him to not look like a weirdo but when she said these next words, it became even harder.

“you can go lower, if you want.”

eren eyes widened, sanaí smirking underneath her helmet upon feeling something starting to poke into her midsection and it was huge “you sure?”

sanaí nodded, with a pouty look in her eyes.

he was fucked

eren’s breath hitched, as his gaze mirrored hers, hooded and dark. he threw all morals out of the window, fingers slowly caressing her smooth skin and finally to the destination she and he both wanted. in both large hands, each covered cheek was gripped and massaged harshly as that helmet confidence traveled a long way into his bloodstream finally. sanaí moaned and eren groaned at the contact.

“you’re gonna bring out a side to me, you’re not ready for.” eren groaned again once her hands found his weak spot on his neck that triggered a shiver to travel up his arms. he couldn’t believe they were in public doing this, feeling all decency he upheld falling through moral cracks into immoral blackholes. but could anyone blame him?

who was this and what had they done to the oh so nervous eren?

“who says i’m not already?”

she was indeed not ready.

they couldn’t keep their hands off of one another while he rode home. sensual caresses here and there were never ending even once he parked his bike inside of his garage. sanaí pulled back and unclasped her helmet before placing onto the bike handle. while she fluffed the ends of her ponytail, eren slowly started to lift his helmet. "what are you-" sanaí quickly approached to stop him until he interrupts and says, “i want to.. i’m comfortable with you.”

sanai gave him a chance to rethink his decision for a few seconds before giving him the go ahead. as he lifted it and exposed a vulnerable part of himself, she felt the air leave her lungs. he was beyond beautiful. no words left her mouth, cause none could be said. suddenly, sanaí stood on her tippy toes to get a closer look as high as she could and carefully traced each and every detail on his face with the tip of her finger. and he didn’t stop her. nor did he want to. he held her waist with shaky hands, feeling nervous to reveal his identity a second time but sanaí wasn’t her. and he was glad, relieved even.

as both hearts started to beat as one, she took a mental snapshot of each feature he graced her with. the painting presented thick arched eyebrows, a narrow nose and rosy cheeks sprayed with pretty freckles under his intense teal eyes watching her every move. her gaze and finger followed slowly to his chiseled jaw that a blade couldn’t dare compare to. and finally, one of the places she wondered about on the ride here, his tempting moist lips. he was strikingly handsome and just down right beautiful, it was sinful. he put every model she had ever seen in a commercial to shame.

“you’re mesmerizing.”

eren felt warmth seep into his cheeks. with a jaw clenched and licking his lips, eren asks “c-can i kiss you?” sanaí immediately nodded.

he didn’t give her a second to do or say anything else before he started sucking all the air out of her mouth as his lips caressed her top and bottom lip in a dominant battle. sanaí heads turned with urgency as her hands flew to the back of his neck, eren groaning at the taste of her and her at the taste of him. shoes scraped his floor, a squeak emitting from below and another above as he backed the both of them into the one of his car doors, a dodge hellcat. he prayed he didn’t trip the alarm as they found peace and chaos in one another. luckily, he didn’t.

his hands grabbed onto her plump and voluptuous rear as their lips and tongue fiercely connected, a wet squelch echoing in the garage. caress after caress, until eren pulled back momentarily to gaze into her hooded eyes. she whimpered, “what?”

he pressed his forehead into hers, both breathing heavily as he suddenly pulled her by her pants belt loop with his finger, tugging her against him, “can i get a taste, hm pretty girl?” sanaí bit her bottom lip hoping it didn't bleed from how harsh as he whispered those words into her cheek. “yes, please.”

eren's eyes never left hers as he gave another kiss before descending slowly down her body. he kissed her neck, hands flailing to his back from the sensations he was inflicting upon her shivering body, "yes, fuck."

eren was so glad he moved out of the shared apartment with ony, connie, and armin and into his own place. he wouldn't be able to keep her moans at bay, nor did he want to deprive her of letting his neighbors or anyone within a foot radius know that he was the one providing her immense pleasure. just as she was about to remove her top completely, eren pulled it down just low enough to expose her beautiful breasts to the cool air, "leave it just like that, mhm shit."

he gave attention to both, hands caressing each with tenderness. nipples slobbered on as moan after moan left her mouth, “yes, baby.” sanaí kept her fingers in his hair, as he continued to gaze into her eyes with so much lust while making out with her breasts, “hm, yea keep going.”

and as she requested, he disconnected his lips as a string of saliva broke at a length of a distance. sanaí moaning once his large hands rubbed down her sides and his nose and lips grazed her taut stomach. sanaí nodded with a whimper as he kissed around her belly button piercing, hands finally reaching the button of her pants that became undone all while keeping eye contact.

“may i?” sanaí nodded urgently, his hands instantly pulling her pants down her smooth legs after quickly taking off her shoes and socks, and into a pile next to them. goosebumps danced upon her legs while she was just left standing in her white thong and tube top sitting underneath her breasts enhancing her wide hips.

eren pressed his nose into her underwear and inhaled the scent underneath. “hmm, you smell so good.” his hands traced up the front and back of her trembling thighs providing some type of relief. he knew she was pent up given the wet patch that collected onto the fabric and the throbbing of her pussy desperately needing to be filled “please, please.”

eren grinned ear to ear from hearing her beg and whimper, loving the sound of her so broken and he hadn’t even done anything to her yet, “beg again. you sound so fucking pretty when you beg.”

she begged and begged until he raised her left leg onto his shoulder. he shifted his eyes momentarily, simply to stared at the another beautiful sight before him. “never seen a pussy so pretty until yours.” her labia majora was peaking through both sides of the thong, plump and glistening with arousal. he watched as it throbbed once he blew minimal air, causing a trembling groan to leave her lips. she was anticipating all she deserved. until suddenly a crucial thick and tongue licked flatly through the fabric causing her to illicit a squealing moan into a pleasurable giggle, “hmm, yesss fuck.”

it became so filthy, his saliva dripping onto the fabric and floor from every lap and slurp of her labia. eren vanished the existence of there ever being a white thong with his wet tongue. her pussy become so transparent, the thong became second skin, “your pussy tastes so fucking good.”

eren sounded so drunk off the essence that spilled into his awaiting mouth. he never wanted this to end. the only noises they both heard were whimpering and the wet squelch that left his mouth upon making contact with her pussy. eren hummed as he sucked her clit in millisecond intervals, hands spreading both cheeks while watching her face contort in supposedly pain but nothing but the sound of pleasure exited her mouth, “fuckfuckfuck”

with swiftness, eren slid her undergarments underneath one of her thick cheeks and smiled into her now exposed pussy. eren loudly slurped as small bubbles seeped from the side of his mouth like foam. coming up for air, eren let his saliva drool messily onto her clit before bringing two of his fingers and tease the hole he hoped he would soon fill with something else. sanaí whimpered with tears gathered in her lash line as he repeated his pleasurable assault of drooling and slurping the mixed fluids continuously onto her pussy, “you’re gonna make me cum.”

sanaí whined with her head tilted to the side, one of her hands in his soft tresses and the other pinching her nipple, “don’t tell me. do it.” she couldn’t believe the words that were leaving his mouth. this was the same guy that was so afraid to speak to her, he ran away. but now here she was receiving so much pleasure, she was trying hard to run away. “hm hm, take this shit.”

a broken sob left her lips, as he groaned into her wet pussy that was lapped in now figure of eights, pulling her raised leg and hip closer with a strong grip, “take it. be a big girl, and take it.”

“i’m a big girl.” sanaí repeated it over and over as eren didn’t let up his aggressive make out session onto her pussy. he embraced the sinful sight above him of lips spouting gibberish, neck glistening, breasts bouncing, a thin line of sweat beaded upon beautiful skin that trickled down in between her belly button.

he needed more.

“can i…finger you, please?” sanaí couldn’t say no as she feel herself clench and unclench around nothing and leg tighten around his back “yesyesyes.” eren grinned, his greedy tongue quickly worshipping her by flicking her clit as his middle and ring fingers glided easily into her warm and tight pussy once given the okay. a squealing whine left her mouth as her pussy highly anticipated the sweet intrusion.

her insides were so warm and slippery. his fingers exploded endlessly until he was knuckle deep, “you so fucking wet, shit,” he murmured into her pussy after spitting and slurping again, emphasizing and elongated the curse word and adjective making her tighten as if he would pull out any minute.

she could feel herself on the brink of letting go as he drilled harder and cause her whole body to shiver once he curved his fingers hitting a particular spot, “fuck, i’m gonna cum.”

the squelch got even louder with each plunge as he suddenly smacked the side of her rear hard and sucked onto her clit harshly, “mhm, give it to me.”

and she did. nothing came out of her mouth as wetness poured into his mouth and down his chin like liquor, soaking his shirt, “such a good girl, good fucking girl.”his fingers were coated in white as he continued to overstimulate her. eren watched her head tilt forward with eyes rolled back, a high pitched whimper turning into an choked sob come out of her mouth as she swiped her pussy with shaky legs and hands onto his face, “s-shit.”

he cleaned up every drop, not wanting to waste any of it. sanaí ears were ringing, heart beating fast, and legs wobbly from the intense orgasm she just experienced. her toes curled as he slobbered over her pussy again, making her jerk in sensitivity and protest, “u-ungh!”

with one last kiss to her clit, eren stood up and quickly groaned at the taste of her on his fingers in his mouth. sanaí bit her lip while her breathing was still uneven.

she gazes down to see he was bricked. this time, she pulled him by his belt loops and he immediately kissed her allowing her to taste herself. “you’re too good at that, oh my god.” one of his hands immediately disappeared into the sideways fabric and cupped a thick cheek in the palm of his hand to massage while the other lovingly caressed her face with each release and connection of their lips, "you okay?”

sanaí nodded reeling in sensitivity. she lazily smiled still recovering from her orgasm.

he paused once she whispered into his lips , “fuck me, eren.”

“a-are you sure? i don’t want you to think i only wanna have sex with you. like i-” eren hesitates to confess given he’s only known her for a couple of days. sanaí looks up at him, watching his jaw clench and unclench. eyes floating in uncertainty and fear of rejection.

her pussy was throbbing with needy attention. she pressed her forehead against his while looking into his beautiful eyes with her other hand on the back of his neck to pull him closer to her height, “you?”

eren closes his eyes and shakily says, “i really like you, sanaí and i know this is moving fast but i-i can’t help the way i feel.”

sanaí smiles and instantly reassures him by cupping his jaw, having him open his eyes back up “i feel the same way. i really like you too.”

a sensual heartfelt confession transitioned into eren leading her upstairs into his bedroom while she kissed his hand a few times. he refused for their first time to be in his garage. his mom raised him to be a gentlemen even though he wasn’t about to act like one.

sanaí didn’t have any time to take in his decor seeing she was so focused on him. upon entering his bedroom, he gently seated her on the edge of his silk black king bed sheets. she quickly got a quick look over his bedroom. it was simple and minimalistic as she leaned on her elbows as he quickly removed his shirt and pulled down his pants and shoes while never taking his eyes away from her.

sanai decided to properly remove the tube top and underwear too. he didn't want to alarm her with his more than average size, but he slipped them off anyhow and it was lust at first sight.

eren’s dick was thick, leaking precum, and looked to be real heavy. the veins protruding along the base, emphasize his v-line and did nothing to hide his other two friends. sanaí licked her lips with hunger and nervousness as he steps towards her in his defined, and sculpted tatted glory. a dangling chain teasingly letting it be known it would soon be in her face.

sanaí brought her hands towards his face, caressing his back once he joined her in his bed by hovering over her small frame. instantaneously, both of their legs intertwined. a moan and groan escaped their lips at the feel of his twitching dick sliding smoothly up and down her pussy once contact was made, “you’re so big, eren. shittt”

eren nodded as he watched her face contort in pleasure as his head bumped into her clit and separated the labia majora due the thickness below. “hmm, fuck.” his own face mirroring from just the warmth and wetness her pussy provided, “i-i know. do you still want to do this c-cause we can go and play with my lego sets?”

sanaí smiled and giggled at his adorable offer which in return made him laugh. but this was confirmation she’d rather be nowhere else but with him in this exact moment in her most vulnerable state, “i want to, do you?”

eren brought his forehead closer to her, his nose grazing her cheek while he caressed each and every inch of her in this close proximity, eren whimpered “yea, yea i do.”

“then fuck me, please. legos after.” eren nodded, before taking his dick and lined it up with her pussy, making sure to keep eye contact right as he slowly filled her up better than his gas tank, “holy shit.. like fuck. this is way better than legos.”

sanaí eyes rolled back and toes curled from the feel of it all. eren and herself were both breathing heavy and started to kiss while pleasure traveled into their veins, “m-move.”

eren wanted to plunge into her leaking pussy but he restrained himself knowing how much of a punch he packed. he held himself back until she gave the command to do so and that moment was now.

eren continued to fill her up with the rest of his inches, sanaí squeezing around his shoulders and into his hair feeling intense pressure building up again once his pelvis met her pelvis with a plap!, “f-fuck.”

the wetness and sloshing echoed when eren slowly pulled out to re-enter and build up momentum, eyes leaving her fucked out facial expression to see the sinful view below. and oh was it a sight to see her pussy barely look like it could take him but it did, “ah, shit. your pussy feels so good.”

eren’s bent back blocked all her field of view. all she saw was his huge figure, wavy hair dangling with every roll of his dangerous hips, and upper and lower abdomen flexing with each precise movement. unexpectedly, sanaí sobbed with tears down her eyes as her body shivered from a sudden orgasm, his dick throbbing inside feeling her tighten around him.

“ohmygod.. you’re fucking me so goood-” sanaí slurred her words drunk off of his huge cock she could feel deep inside so as far as her stomach. she placed her hands around his neck pulling him closer as he moved one of his hands to harshly grip her ass and go to pound town. the other to holding himself up to not crush his weight onto her.

plap! plap! plap!

“y-yea? you feel good pretty girl?” eren was trying to last, but the blood was rushing from his head straight to his dick. he moaned and whimpered watching her pudge jolt as he delivered mean and precised strokes. “yesyesyes”

her tears stained her makeup face and ‘o’ shaped lips leaking with drool matched the mess they were both making down below. she could feel her arousal leak continuously between his balls and down her crack soaking his bed.

by now sanaí had came two more times due to a new earth shattering angle. overstimulation was kicked in full gear at this point. the sound of chicago gunshots mimicked once his pelvis met her full thick rear. his hand gripped her jaw to tilt her head up as she gazed into the huge mirror planted above that portrayed the backside of his anatomy delivering tantalizing and toe curling thrusts. her ass rippling with every movement underneath in this prone bone position, “u-ungh, you’re gonna make me.. cum again.”

more tears and drool seeped onto his hand as she sobbingly whimpered gibberish. “i know..i know. it feels too fucking good. but keep looking up baby. watch us, hm?” eren could feel himself on the urge feeling his legs shiver and dick throbbing from the vice grip she had on his dick. he was gonna cum any minute now.

“f-fuck.. i should’ve used protection.”

sanaí shook her head feeling his bed provide her clit stimulation everytime her hips plummeted inward, “we did earlier. now cum in me, please.”

eren shivered knowing exactly what she referring to and her evil for saying the magic words. he chuckled and groaned out multiple curse words once he felt her pushing back onto him, “you want me to cum in you.. o-okay.”

she screamed, as he tilted his head forward to talk her through another orgasm, feeling heavenly pleasure while sobbing out a groaned “fuckkkkkkk, yea do that. fuck me back.”

with whatever energy she had left, she did. she fell in love with the way he whimpered and moaned out her name without any ashamed. they both were on a high cause it really was hypnotizing the way he fucked her and the way she fucked him. he cupped her neck and brought her head back even more with a lovely arch, and the view of the mirror disappears. the view was replaced with his pussy drunk expression and sweaty curly curtained around her face, “u-ungh! yes daddy…. f-fuck this pussy up.”

“i’m daddy?”

sanaí nodded as best as she could with the vice grip he had on her neck that was being slightly choked. she felt him suddenly drill harder from the pet name as he kissed her lips sloppily, “yessss, fuck your slut, daddy,” she slurred.

“my slut.”

“your slut.”

“my pussy.”

“your pussy.”

“mine.”

“yours.”

they each muttered into each other lips sexily and drunk off another as the sound of her rear meeting his pelvis with a strong sloshing sound never dissipated. he opened her mouth at one point and drooled his spit before making out with her as he continued to deliver assault onto her drenched pussy. he was becoming very lightheaded as he pulled all the way out and back in a few times just to watch her pussy convulse, needy to have him back in. “p-put it back in..” he hummed and quickly watched his dick drenched in his and her arousal as if snow had came early this year and reenter.

sanaí couldn’t speak anymore. her voice was gone. she only could whine and whine as he quickly rushed out “i’m gonna cummm, fuck. holy shit.” she moaned out a small “mine” at the feel of him filling her up causing her to have a miniature orgasm to gush onto his pelvis. eren sobbed into her ear as his dick swelled inside releasing all of his love into her never letting up. his hips faltering as he slowed down until their highs vanished.

his body twitched and twitched as the sensitivity took over. he couldn’t move but he had to cause his eyes was starting to droop. “i-i wasn’t too rough was i?”

he removed his hand from her throat, and slowly pulled out with a hiss feeling her pussy still gripping. he licked his lips watching their juices intertwine down her pussy and onto his sheets, “no, i just can’t feel my legs right now.”

“it was soo fucking good. shit.” eren nodded with a chuckled as he gathered enough energy to kiss her sweaty forehead and walk to the bathroom as sanaí lazily picked up her head wondering where he went before he came back. she heard the shower running which activated her needing to pee but she was so comfortable and becoming sleepy rather quickly. she didn’t even want to look in the mirror cause she knew looked like a clown. she knew his sheets were ruined from her ripping and pulling but the final blow was the makeup from her crying out in pleasure.

her pussy ached in the best way as her eyes closed for a minute or two until feeling her head being caressed,

“let’s take a bath and cuddle for a bit, hm pretty?”

“then legos?” he heard her say sleepily say. eren chuckling into her forehead finding her so fucking adorable after she made him cum so hard.

he responds while smoothing down her curly hair, “then we’ll play with legos if our asses ain’t knocked out by then.”

she double tapped. and he finally found his backpack.

all rights reserved. @poeticheathen

do not attempt to republish any of my work as it cannot be modified, reposted, or in any way shape or form onto any platforms. every published work from this account is originally written by @poeticheathen ♡

#eren jaeger x black reader #eren jaeger fic #black fic writer #biker! eren #black fiction #eren jaeger x reader #eren smut #strangers to lovers #black oc #attack on titan fic #original character #aot smut #biker! eren jaeger #heathen palace films #eren jaeger smut #eren x black fem!reader

[ronnyraygun]

5 am food run.

#dick grayson fanart #dick grayson art #dick grayson #jason todd fanart #jason todd art #jason todd #tim drake fanart #tim drake art #tim drake #gotham knights #ron’s art tag #shut in the fuck up ron #they’re waiting for Bab’s food. she wanted spring rolls. #cannot get over them. personally I don’t like what they did with Dick because he looks scary but it’s okay because I can make him cute. #Tim is literally so small?? he looks his age. it’s so good??? #and I like that they made Jason distinct between all the designs. he’s the bbq dad of the Jason’s. 😭😭😭 #I know y’all didn’t come here for commentary but I really am excited for the game the concept is super cool and I like their promotions. 😭 #like the Valentine’s Day promo art. #my only gripe is the fact that we haven’t gotten any full robin gameplay. #I WANT TO SEE THE BOY TELEPORT!!! #HE CAN KEEP UP WITH HIS META FRIENDS NOW!! #but I personally like magical girl Jason. they basically did the same thing in new 52 with the sword in his heart thing. 💀💀💀 #at least this time he’s just spirit walking. #Nightwing full send Fortnite paragliding. #legend of Zelda fanboy goes too far. #KSHDJDHKDHDKDBDKDN

[mattitties]

sworn enemy - matt sturniolo

I don’t have many enemies in my life. I try to get along with most people, and even if I don’t like them, I do my best to be friendly no matter what. But there’s one person that I absolutely cannot stand: Matt Sturniolo.

I moved to LA about six months ago, and the triplets were some of the first people I met. I got close with Nick first, then Chris, and I attempted to get close with Matt, but he was so closed off and became outwardly rude to me every interaction we had. I have no idea why he hates me so much, but I will not tolerate him giving me that kind of attitude for no reason when I’ve tried to be his friend.

So I don’t try anymore. I’m over at their house more than I’m at mine, and I’ve gotten to the point of completely ignoring that asshole when he comes into the room. Is it rude to ignore someone in their own home? Sure, but none of this would be happening if he didn’t make it abundantly clear from day one that he has no interest in being my friend.

Nick and Chris invited me over tonight to watch a movie, so of course I accepted. Despite everything with Matt, I absolutely adore Nick and Chris and would never turn down an opportunity to spend time with them.

“Helloooo,” I say when I walk into the living room, where they’re already setting up the movie.

“Hey!” Nick smiles as he gives me a hug. “Movie’s almost ready, you wanna get some snacks?”

I nod and head to the kitchen, saying hello to Chris in the process. I’m so invested in rummaging through their fridge that I don’t even notice Matt walk into the room until he groans.

“Oh joy, look who’s here!” he says as I turn around.

“Don’t worry, I won’t bother you,” I tell him as I grab some drinks. “Just go back to your cave and it’ll be like I’m not even here!”

He rolls his eyes. “I can feel your presence even from there. Seriously, who invited her?”

“We did,” Chris says. “Come on dude, isn’t this getting a little old? It’s time to get over whatever dumb shit you have against her and grow up.”

Matt shakes his head as he takes a box of Goldfish to the couch. “Nah, I’m good. So what are we watching?”

“Oh, so now you wanna watch with us?” I ask. “Two seconds ago you were acting like it was the end of the world that I’m here.”

“Well, this is my house, and I should be able to watch a movie in my house even when little annoying creatures are sitting on my couch,” he smiles sarcastically at me.

I say nothing in response. He’s such a dick. 

“Oh, before I forget, do you want to come to TopGolf tomorrow night with us and our friends?” Chris asks me.

“I wish, but I’m going to a bar tomorrow night with my roommate,” I tell him.

“No worries, we’ll go another time. Matt’s not going either because he’s just too good for all of us, isn’t that right Matt?” Chris teases and pokes Matt’s stomach, earning a punch to his upper arm from Matt.

I roll my eyes at Matt’s clear inability to have any fun and sit back as the movie begins. 

I should not have gone out tonight. I’m having the worst night. I should have gone to TopGolf with Chris and Nick. All my life choices are being regretted. 

My roommate is currently in the bathroom probably sucking some random guy off, and I have somehow gotten in the middle of two drunk guys fighting over god knows what. The place is crowded and I’m being swallowed in a sea of people as I desperately try to get away from the fight before punches start being thrown. 

I’m unsuccessful. 

In the midst of the chaos, one of the guys accidentally nails me right in the eye as he goes to hit the other. He doesn’t even notice and continues going after him, but other people do notice. I really wish they hadn’t. I want nothing more than to just get out of there.

I push my way to the entrance and ignore the small crowd of people following me and asking if I’m okay.

“I’m fine,” I tell them, speeding up and breathing a sigh of relief when I make it outside.

The pain in my eye doesn’t even register until I open my camera and see it: red, bloody, and already starting to swell. I’m tearing up, and I can’t tell if it’s from the pain or from the disaster that is tonight. I need to go home, but there’s no way I’m going back inside to get my roommate, and she definitely won’t see if I text or call her. I could Uber, but I’m terrified of Ubering alone, especially in Los Angeles at 11 PM. I don’t want to bother Nick and Chris while they’re out, even though I know they would drop everything to get me. 

A pit in my stomach rises as I click Matt’s contact name and text him.

are you up? kind of in a situation here and need a ride

Bruh

Call someone else

i wouldn’t ask unless i really needed help

please

I hate how desperate I sound, especially to him, but I’m cold and scared and in pain, so at this point I really don’t care.

Jesus fine where are u

I send him my location and wait. He pulls up ten minutes later, and I do my best to hide my tear stained and bloody face as I get in the car.

“Thank you so much,” I tell him, trying to control my shaky voice. “I’m really sorry, I just–”

“Are you okay?” he asks. I’m barely looking at him, but I can feel him staring at me. 

“Yeah, why?”

He turns my face towards him with his thumb. His eyes widen when he sees my eye, which definitely looks worse than it did 10 minutes ago. “Dude! What the fuck happened???” 

“Nothing, I’m fine,” I tell him, my eyes starting to well up again. 

“You’re not fine. What happened? Who did this to you?”

“Nobody did anything, I swear. Two guys were just fighting and I couldn’t move fast enough and I got hit. It’s my fault, but I’m fine. It doesn’t even hurt,” I explain unconvincingly as I start to cry. 

“If it doesn’t hurt, why are you crying?”

“Because I just wanna go home, Matt! Can you just take me home?” I sob.

“Okay, okay,” he says gently as he switches gears to drive. “Can I take you to my house? We need to clean up that eye.”

I nod and look out the window as he drives us home. He is the absolute last person I want to see in this state. I know he’s going to use this against me in a few days and he’s never going to let me live it down. 

When we get to the triplets’ house, I make a beeline for Matt’s bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. 

“Oh my god,” I mumble. I look awful. My eye is completely swollen and it’s turning purple. I have a gash in my cheek. “Why the fuck did I go out tonight?” I say as Matt walks in behind me. “I have to go to work looking like this! I’m not gonna make any tips! People are gonna throw up looking at me!”

“Okay, calm down,” he tells me. “Sit on the toilet. I’m gonna clean it and get you some ice and then you can just chill here, okay?”

I nod and sit down on the toilet lid as he gets a cotton ball and some hydrogen peroxide. He tilts my chin up to look at him. “Little sting,” he mumbles. I scrunch my face at the feeling of the peroxide on the cut. “I know, I’m sorry, almost done.”

He dabs the cut a few times and throws the cotton ball out. “Come on,” he says, motioning me to get up. “Go lay down and I’ll get ice.”

I silently oblige and lay on his bed, giving him a small smile when he returns with some ice chunks in a ziplock bag covered in a paper towel. 

“It’s the best I could do,” he says when he hands it to me. “We don’t have any actual ice packs.”

“It’s great, thank you.”

He lays down next to me and turns on the TV. I’m not even paying attention. All I can think about is trying not to ask the one thing I desperately want to know. I almost keep myself from saying it, until it just comes out of my mouth like word vomit.

“Why don’t you like me?”

He looks at me, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “What?”

I immediately regret everything, but I ask again. “Why don’t you like me? I mean, Nick and Chris both like me, so I would assume you would too, but like… did I do something to you?”

He sits up and turns the TV off. “I dropped everything tonight to come save you from a bar. Why don’t you think I like you?”

“You’re just so mean to me. You have been since the day we met. And I don’t understand what I did to deserve that. If you don’t like me, that’s fine, I just want to know why.”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. “I do like you. I never meant to make it seem like I don’t, I thought we were just playing around. Like friends tease each other, ya know?”

“Well yeah, but… you’ve never done anything to make me think we’re friends, so…”

“I’m sorry,” he says. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something else, but then closes it.

“What?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Nothin. Do you want to stay here tonight? I can get you something to change into.”

“Oh,” I reply, completely taken aback by this. “Yeah… yeah, that would be nice. Thank you.”

He offers me a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt which I take into the bathroom and change into, discarding the ice pack in the process. I take another look in the mirror and sigh.

“God, I look fucking disgusting,” I say when I climb back into his bed.

“You look beautiful,” he says so quietly I have to double check if I even heard him correctly.

“Don’t tell me that just because you feel bad for me.”

“I’m not.” He turns on his side to face me. “You are beautiful.”

“Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?”

His eyes are moving between my eyes and my lips. I’m starting to put the pieces together, and it’s terrifying. 

“Because I’m tired of pushing my feelings down and making it your problem,” he says. I don’t say anything, I just give him time to explain. “I didn’t want to like you because you were Nick and Chris’ friend first, and I didn’t want to ruin anything. I thought being a dick would make my feelings go away. It didn’t.”

“I like you, Matt,” I whisper. “I have since I first met you. It made me so sad to think that you didn’t like me. And I’m sorry I’ve also been mean to you.”

“Don’t be sorry, I deserved it,” he says. “Do you still hurt?”

I shake my head. “Not really.”

“Good,” he says before lightly holding my cheek and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. I freeze for a moment, not fully processing what’s happening, and then I hold his wrist and kiss him back, our lips moving perfectly together.

It’s clear that neither of us have any intention of taking it further tonight. We continue to kiss for just a couple minutes until we separate, doing nothing but staring into each others’ eyes. 

“Goodnight, Matt,” I say.

“Goodnight.”

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader

[fxckn-sxck-fr]

You're literally so fucking disgusting (said with absolute joy).

Anyways, which of your silly little comic book yandere men are into petplay? And are they puppy-owner-coded or kitty-owner-coded?

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐂 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐕𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒: 𝐏𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐘-𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐘-𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐄𝐑…

!!! GN reader, petplay, can be translated as romantic or platonic, but the innuendos are 100% intended, collars, leashes, mentions of punishments, slight manipulation, drugging, I channeled my inner pet for this.

*Pulls out my 3 hour long slideshow* I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED, ANON.

First off, all of them are into pet play if I have a say in it. You will never catch me obsessing over a character I either can’t see collaring me or wearing a collar for me. So, really, this question boils down to if they’re a dog or cat person, LMAOOOOO.

Second, they all could go either way, honestly. These are just my personal thoughts on what they might gravitate towards. If you’re a certified puppy, don’t you worry, cuz the kitty enjoyers will love you the same, and visa versa.

Now let’s get started.

Bruce Wayne: I ALREADY CAN’T FUCKING CHOOSE, FUCK. My first instinct was to gravitate towards kitty-owner, but then I thought about his need to have some sort of physical tie to you (cuz he totally keeps you chained or handcuffed to him, DON’T FUCKING QUESTION ME), so he might be a puppy-owner for the sake of keeping you on a leash. Either way, you’re totally his little lap pet while he works in his office. Petting you gives him the strength he needs to finish all his paperwork. Also, everything you own is bedazzled to hell and back, from collars to toys. He likes to spoil his beloved little pet, okay?!

Clark Kent: I’m gonna go with puppy-owner. He might carry you around like a cat, but that’s only because carries dogs around like cats, too (that’s what happens when you have super-strength; everything is just so carry-able). Absolutely talks to you in that babying voice every dog-owner uses. “Who’s a good pup? Who’s a good pup?? You are!! That’s right, you are!! Aww, look at you!!” It might be annoying, but you better get used to it if you don’t wanna be locked in your uncomfortable cage while he’s gone. He knows you hate it, which is why he hates it, but it’s the only way to get you to behave!! Be his good pup, won’t you?

Dick Grayson: Very much leaning towards puppy owner. He’s all for training you into his loyal pup who follows him everywhere. Also lowkey talks down on you cuz you’re just a cute, dumb puppy!! You don’t need to be thinking big human thoughts!! Let your loving master take care of everything, okay? Ah, ah, ah! Silly, pup! You’re not supposed to speak! Now get back on your hands and knees… puppies don’t walk like people do, remember? Or does he have to get a little mean to remind you? You don’t want that, do you? Yeah, didn’t think so. Now sit… good job!! Why don’t we give you a treat, hm~?

Hal Jordan: Another one that can go either way. Honestly, though? The more I think about it, the more I’m digging kitty-owner Hal. There are so many ways this could go that it makes my head hurt. Is he a condescending owner? “Poor little kitty… got something to say? Hm? What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” Or a soft owner? “Such a pretty little kitty… did you miss me while I was away? Yeah? I’m so sorry, sweetie.” What about one of those cat-dads that started out as we-are-not-getting-a-cat and ended up getting totally attached? “What do YOU want? Huh? Whatcha up to, pusscat? AYE!! Get off of the couch!! Come on, you know better.” The possibilities are endless.

Jaime Reyes: You know, it’s kinda weird. I see him as a certified puppy by default, yet as an owner? He’s kitty-adjacent. You’re just the cutest kitty-cat ever, he can’t help but keep you as one!! Definitely gets one of those bell collars (with a cute bow on it!!) for you. It helps ease his anxiety whenever he hears it jingle. Better be a cuddly kitty, cuz he canNOT keep his hands off of you. Poor guy’s always on the verge of a panic attack at the thought of you running away. It’s a common occurrence for him to pull you into his lap, eyes shining with unshod tears as he quietly asks, “you’ll never leave me, right?” If you don’t want to sit there awkwardly while he hyperventilates, I suggest you be kind and nuzzle into him.

Remy LeBeau: 100% kitty-owner. Expects you to greet him at the door when he comes home. “Y’miss me, minou? Yeah… Gambit missed you, too. C’mere.” Whether you like to admit it or not, he gives the best scratchies. He’ll have you lay against his chest for hours, softly petting your head as he listens to your rhythmic breathing. Absolutely sits you on the counter while he cooks so he can feed you small morsels as a little treat!! Every chef has to have an adorable sous-chef, no? Oh my god, he is just so soft that it makes my heart melt. You’re his precious little kitty and he’ll never let you forget it!! Just don’t be up to any trouble, okay? He may be gentle, but he also knows how to punish naughty kitties.

Scott Summers: Puppy-owner puppy-owner puppy-owner pupPY-OWNER— you bet your ass he’s training you to be the perfect little puppy. When he’s through with you, you’re gonna be the most obedient pup around. Don’t get me wrong, he’s actually a very soft and sweet master!! Gives you tummy rubs, praises, and even treats (when you’re good). However, when it comes to obedience, he’s absolutely the no-nonsense type. Do not test him; the literal leash he has on you is short for a reason. Disciplinary Scott is a very scary Scott, so I’d suggest you start acting right if you don’t want to get the cruelest punishment ever. “That’s right. Be a good little pup for me. You know what happens to bad puppies. Behave.”

Tim Drake: Have you met him? Kitty-owner for sure. He wants a lazy kitty that’ll sleep in his lap whenever he works (read: he wants to drug you so you’re constantly lethargic and can’t run away from him). Be prepared to be a weighted blanket, cuz he loves when you lay on top of him. Whenever you wake up, he’ll always be the first thing you see. “Good morning, Kitty! Sleep well? C’mon, it’s breakfast time!” Does NOT let you do anything for yourself (not like you’ve got the energy to, anyway). He loves to take care of his cute little kitty!! Also, has about 3,000 photos of you on his phone so he can look at them when he’s away. He just misses you, okay? You’re all he thinks about on patrol!!

Wally West: The puppy-owner thoughts won. He wants a happy little pup to pounce on him anytime he comes home!! Oh… you don’t wanna do that? Well, it’s okay!! He’s very good at training disobedient mutts. A quick word of warning, you do not want to trigger his stern mode. He’ll dish out the most cruel and devious punishments, all with the “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” attitude. Soft and sweet owner Wally is where it’s at. Loves to make you do tricks and give you treats afterwards!! He can get a little condescending and tease you, but it’s all done out of love! Unless you’ve been bad. Then it’s completely intended to be malicious. But you would never be a bad pup for him, right? He loves so much and spoils you rotten, why would you ever be bad? Come one, now!! Walkies time!! If you don’t tug on the leash, he’ll give you a big reward!!

#❥ CALL INCOMING: DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES? #❥ TW: YANDERE #❥ YANDERE CHARACTER #❥ PLATONIC YANDERE #❥ ROMANTIC YANDERE #❥ YANDERE BRUCE WAYNE #❥ YANDERE CLARK KENT #❥ YANDERE DICK GRAYSON #❥ YANDERE HAL JORDAN #❥ YANDERE JAIME REYES #❥ YANDERE REMY LEBEAU #❥ YANDERE SCOTT SUMMERS #❥ YANDERE TIM DRAKE #❥ YANDERE WALLY WEST #❥ YANDERE VARIOUS X READER #❥ GN READER

[canbean-enby]

You Found His Sketchbook Bakugou x gn!reader

~You accidentally find his sketchbook~

Hope you guys like this one!

TW: cussing and mentions of stalker behavior

Best experience in light mode

The hot summer sun was caressing your skin as you read over the sentences in the blond-haired boys' book. Comparing the notes to yours, let’s just say that yours didn't have the pizzazz~ that his notes did. 

As you finish up the last page, you feel a slight vibration in your pocket. You take your phone out and see that it is a text from the same person that is letting you borrow their notes. 

You rolled your eyes but chuckled at the rude comment then put your phone back, not even bothering with a response. After a couple of minutes, you checked to make sure that you transferred everything into your notes. After confirming, you get up and start walking towards the dorms, letting your mind wonder about the city that you’re in and the people that you have met. Your mind especially wandered to the crimson-eyed boy. 

You cannot understand why you admire him but there is just something in your soul that just yearns for his company. Admittedly, you were a little disappointed when he sent you that text because it meant that you won’t interact with him for that short amount of time. 

Your heart started to sting at the fact but before your thoughts could continue on, you arrived at the dorms. The shock of how quick you got there washed away as you enter the facility and exchanged smiles with some of your peers. 

You take the steps up to his room, wanting to hold onto this piece of him just a little longer. The dragged-out walk lasted a little while and you sighed as you opened the door to his room. 

The darkness of the room did not surprise you, and neither did the All Might figure sitting on his dresser, the romance books, or the anime posters sitting on his wall. You have been in here plenty of times before due to the study sessions you both have every other day. Today was supposed to be one of those days but he got caught up with something so you had to supply yourself with the knowledge. 

You look around to the room you're used to, to see if he has added anything new to his room. To your surprise, you found a black book sitting on his desk. Now, this is something that you have never seen before. 

Your mind races rapidly. Thoughts of invading the blondes' privacy are at the forefront of it. It wouldn’t hurt to look at some of it...right? I mean if there was anything bad then he wouldn’t just leave it out like this. 

Both the devil and angel on your shoulder advocate heavily for you to listen to them. In the end, you chose to just place Bakugou’s notebook on the desk and just leave. He wouldn’t touch any of your stuff, you don’t have a right to touch his. 

As you were reassuring yourself of your decision, your hand knocks the sketchbook over anyway. It just so happened to flip open to one of the first pages. Was that...you? You move in a bit closer to see but someone swipes it up before you could see the detail that Bakugou put into the drawing. 

“What part of my text made you think you could look through my shit? I didn't know you were illiterate.” 

Your whole body froze as you heard the sly comment from him. When he usually insults you, there is a slightly joking tone you can catch every time. However, this time you couldn't seem to find it. 

“Oi, dumbass, I’m talking to you.” He grabbed your shoulder and turned you around in one smooth motion. His firm hand stays on your shoulder as he continues to chew you out. Telling you how much of an idiot you were for going through his things and that he didn't know you were a stalker. You started to become mad at his demeaning tone so you interrupted him, “to my defense, you dick, it fell and I was going to pick it up. And as a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure that was me in your drawing. Therefore, you have no right to call me a stalker.” His mouth immediately shut as you voiced your observation. A small pink tint grew on his face but was invisible to you because of the lack of lighting in the room. 

The room went silent for a few moments, he then scoffed and put the sketchbook back on his desk, and turned the light on in his room. You looked over to see the same drawing that was on the ground right in front of you. The detail pounced at you and you couldn't help the gasp that escaped your mouth. The small imperfections on your face, even your birthmark...it all looked so incredibly real. You turned back over to the male with widened eyes, “when did you draw this?” 

He scoffed once again and broke the eye contact that you both held for a few milliseconds. “Why the fuck you wanna know?” His remark was met with silence as you turned the pages of the sketchbook. Your jaw dropped even further as different sketches of Japan met your eyes, even drawings of your friends were featured in the sketchbook. You couldn't help but notice that every other picture was of you. There wasn’t a single batch of pages that didn’t feature you. Why the hell did he draw you so much? You thought out of all of you, he would draw himself the most. But there wasn’t one page that had the crimson-eyed male on it. His gauntlets were the closest thing to it. 

“Is there a reason you haven’t drawn yourself?” You look back over at him but he still isn’t making eye contact. “I don’t know, just- don’t feel like it. Would rather draw other people instead.” 

“Well, I think your style is pretty nice. Drawing yourself in this style wouldn’t look too bad.” His head turned back to you, eyes gazing into your own “tell anyone about this and you're dead.” You chuckled softly, you know that is his way of saying thank you. 

If you enjoyed this, please leave a like. Let me know if you guys would like a part 2. I kinda have an idea for it so just let me know. Also, If you have any suggestions for what character I should write about next then write it in the comments, message me, or leave it somewhere I can see it (can you tell idk how tumbler works ;-;) Love you all and thank you so much for reading. 

Part 2 Part 3

#part2? #bakugou x reader #bakugo katuski #mha fluff #mha bakugo katsuki #bakugou fluff #bnha fluff #sketchbook

[its-monster-mash]

Alright so, there’s been a sleep between me and the House of Wax rewatch, so I’m going to TRY to organize my feelings by Chronological order of the movie. This is going to get long, so there will be a cut so I don’t take up too much dash-space for people who want to scroll past.

Basics of it: Bo Sinclair apologism and Let Vincent Have Agency over his own actions. Also people are DICKS to rural people for no reason, like seriously FUCK Wade. Wade Deserved It.

So RIGHT off the bat, with Bo’s first appearance in the woods with his truck—Bo did NOTHING wrong here. I live in a very rural area(I grew up in the middle of the woods, but now I live a ten minute walk from where I used to—there are so many cows). Where I’m from, if the landowner catches you in his woods you’re as likely to get SHOT AT as not. Showing up in a truck and staring at you is kind of a universal POLITE, gun free, warning—most people WILL scramble when someone shows up if they’re trespassing in the woods.

Now, what I think Bo was doing here was taking a headcount—deciding whether or not he wanted to deal with them, and I actually think he decided AGAINST killing them.

Despite the fact that they treated him aggressively and fucked up his truck, I feel like it cannot be stressed enough that BO DID GET THE FAN BELT.

Again, as a person from the middle of nowhere, it made ME fucking furious the way Wade came into town and just started breaking into places and LITERALLY breaking things. And, without prior knowledge that the church was full of wax victims, Wade was so impatient that he just couldn’t wait for Bo to FINISH UP AT THE FUNERAL, and decided to just let himself into Bo’s shop and take a fanbelt—leaving a “This is probably enough” amount of money. The entire time ripping on rural people and how they live(not to mention how he treated LESTER. Lester 100% acted like a normal guy around here. 10/10 girls I knew growing up would have LOVED to see his knife. That was an EXTREMELY normal interaction where I’m from.).

ANYWAY BO.

Bo straight up told them they could wait for him while he went ALONE to his house to get the part(also Wade questioning that a MECHANIC has some of his stock at home?? Fuck you man), and it was Wade that insisted on going along.

I do not think Bo intended for Vincent to go Snip Snip through the floorboards. (On top of that, Wade made the DUMBEST little noises after getting sliced—Bo getting changed upstairs probably 1000% thought “Jesus Christ the fucker is blowing up my goddamn bathroom”. He may not have even known yet that Vincent got him; depending on whether or not he noticed the signs of struggle in the already kind of messy house.

(On THAT note, I got pissed as hell the way Wade was judging the Sinclair Home—like bitch you are the reason moms in the early 2000s went berserk about the house needing to be spotless when guests come.)

Bo was genuinely surprised when Carly LOCKED HIM OUT OF HIS OWN TRUCK. I feel like THAT was the point where Bo decided “Fuck it.”

I think that, up until then, Bo WAS going to fix up their car and get them on their way, because he KNEW they had a whole lot of friends who were coming back for them—Bo may not be the brightest, but I feel like he was smart enough to know that that could have got them caught or hurt.

My best friend and I joked that we would have survived our trip to Ambrose because we simply would not have been assholes. (And we would been HUGE nerds in the Wax Museum, and well, NOT took a lighter to the pieces??? Vincent probably would NOT have shanked us. Tbh we would not have gone into the Sinclair home because when Bo said “You can wait here if you want” we would have simply said “Thank you.”. Well, we wouldn’t have broken into the Museum AT ALL, but given who we are we may have ASKED Bo if we could see it.)

Now, I’m not saying Bo ISN’T a bad guy, like, he very much definitely DID lock Carly in a basement and glue her mouth shut, but I didn’t really see a whole lot of like?? Gratuitous Sadism?? Is there more in a novelization or something?? Like, he threatened her to keep her quiet—but since he and his twin are literally serial killers I think that’s pretty standard?

The fact that Carly was able to so EASILY dismantle the chair makes me kind of feel like it wasn’t really used much? I mean, Bo is a mechanic, you’d think if that were a thing he made a habit of it would be in better repair. I didn’t really get the feeling that this was like, an average Tuesday Night for Bo or anything.

(On that note, I would have been the worst victim because the MINUTE he turned the music on I would have been like “Oh shit dude I like your taste” and he would just “???” Of course, I may have met a completely DIFFERENT fate because I simply would not have locked him out of his truck. There would have been no chase.)

AND VINCENT.

I don’t get where the “Uwu Soft Boy” “Bo’s Victim” thing comes from unless people were just taking Carly’s late-movie assumptions at face value??

Like, Vincent DID very much get in a truck and go into the woods just to hunt Blake and Paige. Like, he had no reason to do that, and Bo was straight up mad about it until he settled down and told Vincent he did good and they’d fit the set. Like, Bo is the one who imprisoned Carly, but Vincent VERY MUCH WAS THE ONE WHO DID THE KILLINGS. Bo did not tell him to do any of that. It kind of makes me mad because it feels like Vincent’s agency is downplayed a lot in the fandom and that it’s just because of Bo snapping on him One(1) Time, and Carly’s assumption in the final chase.

And as far as Bo snapping on him goes!!

Bo had AN ARROW IN HIS CHEST AT THE TIME(Also Bo, I love you, but FUCK WHY DID YOU PULL THE FINS OF THE ARROW THROUGH YOUR ARM??? He should have just?? Cut the arrowhead off and pulled the SMOOTH part through?? This man). I think most people are prone to snapping when they’re in severe pain(and I think the way Vincent IMMEDIATELY rushed in to survey Bo’s wounds shows a lot about how they DO care about each other, like very clearly Vincent is not AFRIAD of Bo—considering even after he snapped Vincent was just like “Whatever, go ahead and bleed, I’m going back to fixing up my mask.”). The sibling of mine I actually KNOW is significantly younger than me, so we didn’t have any kind of antagonism with each other—largely because I was a Parentified Sibling—but every close in age pair of siblings I know can be pretty mean to each other, but always in an “ONLY I CAN PICK ON MY SIBLING” kind of way. Bo calling Vincent a “Freak” and then IMMEDIATELY taking on a softer voice and telling him how great his art is had HUGE “I’m sorry, you can hit me back, don’t tell Mom.” Energy. I really don’t think Bo abuses Vincent.

I mean, he said “You’re not supposed to go anywhere WITHOUT ME”, which implies that they DO go places together; and given how easily Vincent killed everyone he killed in the movie, it makes a LOT of sense that Bo wouldn’t want him going out alone. Especially if(and this is my own speculation) Bo is used to always being around to “Protect” Vincent from people who would make fun of him.

>Inserting this here because I forgot to mention it: I genuinely think all the killing started while Trudy was still alive, because Bo talks about how he and Vincent can “Finish what she started”. Additionally, in the beginning of the movie, Lester gives that little speech about how people can “get used to a lot”. That makes me feel like the brothers were probably RAISED to do the things that they do(supported by the fact that the fucked up machinery Vincent puts his victims in looks OLD, so it’s not unlikely that Trudy used it first). That doesn’t absolve Bo and Vincent, of course, but it does make them ALSO victims.

Moving on to Carly’s speculation at the end—she CLEARLY pissed Vincent off. I mean, she just BEAT HIS BROTHER TO DEATH and then called BO a freak and suggested that BO was behind everything. Not only did she kill HIS twin(and she and Nick would know better than anyone how much pain Vincent must have been feeling in that moment) but she called BO a Freak too. Given the amount of abuse Vincent watched his parents hurl at Bo, that was probably a rehashing of how he felt when his parents would bind and beat Bo and yell horrible things at him. (Also like, FUCK, the fact that Bo’s high chair STILL has fucking blood on it??? Like their father was a DOCTOR, and he just made Bo sit and eat with his Rotting Old Blood right there??? FUCK.)

And finally, Lester sitting on the back of his truck at the end of the movie, Jonesy sitting with him—he was probably waiting around for some sign of what happened to his brothers, and THAT breaks my goddamn heart.

But like, bottom line, I don’t think Bo was the “Evil Twin” much in the same way that Nick wasn’t actually that bad of a guy. The Sinclairs are obviously the result of a very fucked up upbringing, but aside from the whole wax thing and the locking Carly in the basement, Bo actually feels like a pretty normal dude??? By slasher standards??? I definitely don’t get any kind of a “Bo is the mastermind” vibes from the movie—it feels very much more like this is just the life that’s been NORMAL to Bo and Vincent for so long.

Yeah, they should have just left Ambrose and NOT kept killing, but Bo is CLEARLY still trying to get his mother’s love, and I don’t think Vincent even WANTS to stop. I don’t think Bo would have ever left Vincent even if HE wanted to stop.

#Bo Sinclair #Vincent Sinclair #lester sinclair #sinclair brothers #house of wax #house of wax (2005) #mypost #Bo Sinclair Apologism #Like honestly Wade had every chance to NOT be a fucking dick and he just kept digging his own grave #fuck Wade #all my homies hate Wade

[murdererofthumbs]

I find it fascinating that some people think that Roman’s mountain top outburst with Matsson was a fucking business strategy, that it was actually a negotiation tactic. I’m sorry, but did we watch the same scene? Not only did Matsson fuck them over by giving an offer the board absolutely won’t refuse (which shits right on the genius master plan of Kendall taking over Waystar - yet again, for what?), he also pretty clearly blew his lid off. Is revealing all the ways they planned to fuck the deal supposed to be this amazing tactic? Absolutely not. He lost it, it was a culmination of all the grief, all the anxiety, and all the anger at Matsson for dragging them up there days after their father died, and he just fucking erupted. Comparing him to Logan in that moment only matches if you think about Logan fucking losing it and making a stupid decision because he lost his tempter (like his little tantrum after PGN went to shit). I feel like in their world, you’re either an emotional wall or you lose, that’s it. No cards on the table, because you can’t manipulate someone if not only they can clearly see through you, but you also just come out with unhinged monologue, revealing everything (which I’m happy that Roman did it, he needed that catharsis, but also - not a good business move overall). Lucas was not intimidated by Roman, he was amused, he threw more money at them to solidify the deal, because he saw an emotional value ATM holds for them. That’s what the picture from Shiv was about, that was his one big fuck you. In the end of the day, it is a big dick competition.

I also saw some interesting (if only questionable) opinions on Shiv - Matsson stuff. Like yeah, I think girlie was definitely winning this episode, especially when you had her brothers as a comparison, who just stood there with dicks in their hands, looking absolutely clueless half of the time. At this point what is going on between Shiv and Matsson could be considered a mutual symbiosis; they are kind of like two parasites feeding of each other, playing each other off but to the benefit of both of them. But this cannot be long-term, we all know how things go - the closer you get to the sun, the more painful the fall is going to be. Matsson getting Shiv on his side (with quite a lot of enthusiasm on Shiv’s side, she did try to play her own angle all along), is a very easy way of getting himself an insider to the company. It’s also very easy way to take care of Kendall and Roman problem. Shiv has a motivation to stab her brothers in the back, she can sense that she is not being included, and she can very clearly see that her brothers are actually incompetent and don’t have a plan. Which means that Matsson going with “you remind me of your dad” was an extremely good move on his side. It solidified it for Shiv, it literally lifted her of the ground. Because everyone with a pair of working eyes can see that Roy siblings cling to Logan like he’s a raft, and all they want to do is either make daddy proud or be like daddy. For Shiv it’s a compliment of a highest standard to be compared to Logan, because Logan was the big boss, because in the end of the day - Logan always won. They are still playing the same old game, and I’m worrying that it’s about to bring the same results it always brought, just from a different person.

Then again, obviously this show is very highly open to interpretations and I might possibly be giving a bit too much credit to Matsson (in the end of the day he might turn up to be a complete idiot, business-wise, although I doubt it), but that was my overall read on the last episode.

#roman roy #they have no fucking clue what they’re doing #especially ken and roman #i think they are all very clearly getting played by matsson #and its about to turn into a fucking bloodbath #where they stab each other and bring the whole family to ruins #succession #kendall roy #succession hbo #shiv roy #logan roy #lucas matsson #marta rumbles poetically

[honeybcj]

omg han i have a tag now?! *explodes*

anywho..... it's the jarty anon and i've been on a roll with these + am obsessed with tattoo aus so here's a long (much more nsfw) one

masochist james and tattoo artist barty. aka james comes in at some ungodly hour of the night for his first tattoo, a sun on his left hipbone, and it's been a long day so barty is like, damn. this guys hot. james is a bit of an asshole, and barty's dwindling professionalism is taking so much because how dare this gorgeous man come in the middle of the night asking for a painful tattoo and proceed to be rude to me (it's hot). fast forward and james has unbuttoned his (very tight) pants, laying on the table and bartys starting on the edges of the outline, on the less painful sections. then b hits the bone dead on, and instead of hearing james yelp or tell him to "slow down, you dick, that hurt" like he had earlier, he moans. so barty drags the needle over the spot again, and james fucking whines and they're both so turned on. barty finishes the tattoo as quick as possible because he cannot fuck this up from being horny, and james keeps letting out little groans every now and then.

they end up fucking once james' tattoo is wrapped, right there on the bench, and keep fucking around every time james comes in for a new tattoo. they end up dating, and a year or so down the line when they both know they're in it for the long run, barty fucks james hard and then, while still inside him, tattooes his bitemark on top/around the sun james had gotten the very first day. james is in heaven, and bartys having a hard time concentrating because jesus christ james clenches every time he hits a painful spot, and bartys dick is inside his ass, so they're both hanging on by a thread and when barty finishes the tattoo they go for another two rounds before wrapping it.

um. ....anywayssssss

YES OF COURSE YOU GET YOUR OWN TAG! you’re feeding me the most exquisite jarty thoughts……and i’m severely unwell. each time that i think the last one was the best, you go and pull THIS out? i feel like my brain’s been knocked out of my skull. i simply cannot add anything to this because this, too me, is the literal gospel. i will drink it down and include it in every thought and prayer of mine. masochist james……that is hot. insanely so. and barty being a tattoo artist and taking full advantage of it? hell fucking yeah. i’ve said it before, and i’ll say it again, your brain is unmatched. i’m kissing it so hard, you have no idea. i could pick apart your brain and be the happiest person ever. whatever you’ve got cooking in there, keep up the good work. you are literally doing the lord’s work by talking about these two. i want to put them in a jar and shake them up a little bit. endearingly of course.

like barty fucking james over his station??? oh he doesn’t give two fucks because james just looks so good and he’s so arrogant that it’s pissing barty off so obviously the only way he can move on is to fuck him……….surprise bitch you can’t get off that easily. you’re stuck with him now. not that he’s complaining because that masochist inside james does something unholy to barty’s entire being.

anyway i don’t know what i did to deserve the pleasure of these stunning asks, but i’m so beyond thankful because i’m eating them up! smooching your brain some more. you’re brilliant, nonnie <3

#han’s asks #jarty anon #jarty

[angelasscribbles]

Thro(n)es of Passion: A Bad Romance One-Shot

Series: Bad Romance Continues

Original Series: Bad Romance

Fandom: The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir

Pairing for this chapter: Riley x Liam x Max, Riley x Drake

Word Count: 2,872

Rating: NSFW

Warnings for this chapter: Lemons, group sex, D/s dynamic

 A/N: Submission for @choicesprompts Smutember prompt event. Prompt: Three is not a crowd.

A/N2: The requested follow-up to Homerun. It got very long so I had to split it. There is a part 2, but I don't think it will be ready for smutember.

My other stuff: Master List.

Guys!! THIS ART!!!! This is a collage of bits and pieces of this amazing commission by @rosefuckinggenius. You can see the full work here. I wanted to share it so much but I don't want to get marked as explicit again so I'm going the safer route and linking it. I cannot tell you how much I love it though. I've spent far too much time just staring at it! Please take the time to go see the full piece, it's worth it! (Only if you're over 18 of course as it is NSFW).

They had taken dinner in the casual dining room on the third floor with Regina and several high-level live-in staffers.

The meal had been full of both awkward and flirty glances between the four of them as they contemplated the night to come.

Crown Princess Eleanor was spending the night with Regina and their most trusted nanny.

The air was thick with anticipation as the door to the royal apartment closed behind them.

“Would anyone like a drink?” Liam asked, suddenly a little stiff. He had very little sexual inhibitions. By any standards, he was pretty adventurous. He was both a voyeur and an exhibitionist, he liked to watch, he liked to be watched. He was pansexual, the attraction was about the person, not their gender. His relationship with Riley was open sexually, they both indulged in the occasional meaningless hookup. He was no stranger to group sex. Being part of a committed throuple, threesomes were common enough. Bringing a third, or fourth person in had happened on a few occasions.

None of that was the problem.

His eyes slid across the room surreptitiously as he poured thirty-year-old bourbon carelessly into four tumblers while taking in his best friend’s nervousness.

At least he wasn’t the only one.

Drake was the problem. The man was gorgeous but straight. Liam had put any unrequited romantic or sexual feelings in a box and locked it long ago. They were friends.

Best friends.

Their relationship had survived falling for the same woman but their arrangement, up until now, had kept their respective sex lives with her separate.

The memory of Drake naked in the shower after their last workout flitted through his mind and his dick twitched.

Shit.

He gulped down his glass of bourbon and refilled it before thrusting two glasses into Max’s hands, “For you and Drake,” he delivered one of the remaining two to Riley, not trusting his hands not to shake if he looked in Drake’s eyes.

Max took the two drinks and practically danced across the room to deliver one of them to Drake. Max had no fucks to give. Any night he got Liam and Riley both was a good night. Getting to see Drake naked was a bonus. A fucking glorious, amazing, dick-hardening bonus. He was sure he must be living his life right because the gods clearly favored him.

Drake took the offered drink with a steadiness he didn’t feel, “Thanks.” He didn’t make eye contact. Max was far too happy about the situation. Drake hadn’t forgotten all the comments about his ass.

As if reading his mind, Riley moved close to him, placing a gentle hand on his arm, “You don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to.”

He glanced down into her face and his heart skipped a beat, just like it always did. He was as helpless when he looked into her eyes now as he had been the very first time. And while the sex was the best he’d ever had, it wasn’t about that. He loved her, plain and simple, and he always wanted to be with her, regardless of what they were doing, but he knew if he opted out of this little adventure tonight, he’d be sleeping alone.

Even though it had been a while since Liam had brought up the terms of the marriage contract, Drake had no doubt that he would if he tried to coopt Riley for the night and he couldn’t even blame him. After all, he had already been inside her tonight, Liam hadn’t.

He was nervous about watching her interact with Liam and Max sexually. There had been a time when something like this would have tweaked all his insecurities, but he had come to terms with her relationship with both Liam and Max.

Witnessing it, however, was another animal entirely. Not that he hadn’t witnessed plenty of overt displays of affection between the other three members of their quad, they lived together, of course, he had. And he often had to stand by her side at public events as her head of security, hanging back as Liam put his hands all over her.

It no longer phased him. In fact, the glances they shared when no one was looking, the subtle brushing of fingertips, his hand at the small of her back as he escorted her places, all of it conspired to stoke his desire for her even higher. Watching her play the proper queen and wife to Liam at court, all the while knowing what was in store for him when they were alone, had become one of his favorite pastimes.

The rumor was out there that the Cordonian royal couple had an official arrangement and watching prissy, stuffed-shirted members of the nobility vie for her attention knowing that it was he, and not any of them, that would grace her bed at the end of the night was deeply satisfying.

He was used to sleeping alone, he’d been doing it most of his life, but he had to admit that the nights he spent with her were better in every conceivable way. And not just the nights the two of them spent in his room. He had been taken completely by surprise at just how much he enjoyed sleeping in the big bed with everyone else.

It wasn’t about sex, obviously. Up until now, anytime he was sleeping with them, there was no sex happening.

There was taking care of the baby, there was watching movies while snuggling under the covers, and there were late-night conversations in which he found Max not only hysterically funny but pretty goddamned insightful about a lot of shit. He had become accustomed to falling asleep next to her and he liked it.

She was going to have sex with Liam and Max tonight regardless of if he opted in or not, so if it meant he got to snuggle up with her afterward, then goddamn right he was going through with this.

Besides, he could definitely have sex again. He could always have sex again. In fact, he was more curious than he wanted to admit about what it would be like watching her with another man. He’d shared her with women before, but never another man. That first threesome they had with Siobhan was how he’d discovered he had what Riley called a reclaiming kink. Something about watching her be taken by someone else and then reestablishing his claim on her by possessing her body ratcheted his hunger for her to a level he hadn’t known existed.

A frisson of lust shot through him at the thought of watching Liam fuck her and his eyes flicked over to his best friend then back to the woman they both loved as he assured her, “I’m good.”

Riley’s body responded to his intensity like it always did, with heat pooling in her center. Staring into Drake’s eyes while she could see Max out of her peripheral and feel the weight of Liam’s gaze on her back sent chills cascading down her spine and electricity coursing through her veins.

Her clothes were suddenly too restrictive.

“I’ll be right back,” she excused herself as she sat her drink on an end table and disappeared into the bedroom.

“Would anyone like a refill?” Liam asked as he and Drake studiously avoided eye contact.

“Me, but I’ll get it,” Drake crossed the room to refill his drink. He poured a generous helping into his glass as he glanced up to find Max playfully doing a strip tease in front of Liam.

Liam laughed and abandoned his drink so he could use both hands to capture his lover and pull him close.

Max tried to squirm out of his grasp, but Liam sank his fingers into his hair and pressed his other hand firmly into the small of his back, causing all the fight to go out of him as Max went limp, submission and desire flooding through him.

Drake turned his eyes to the bedroom door silently willing Riley to return. Watching Max and Liam play slap and tickle wasn’t what he had signed up for.

When she returned, she was wearing a strappy red silk ouvert bra with matching thong and twirling a black leather collar around one finger. She stopped to take in the scene in front of her. She wasn’t sure which excited her more, the sight of Liam and Max all over each other, or the primal need she saw dancing in Drake’s eyes as they tracked her every movement.

She stepped further into the room, her eyes locked on Drake as she softly called out, “Max, come here.”  

Liam immediately released him and stepped back allowing Max to scurry over to Riley.

There had been a whole negotiation around how to handle Max’s submissiveness. While one dominant could easily manage multiple subs, the reverse was much harder to maintain. If orders conflicted, which master did he obey?

While Liam didn’t mind a bit of brattiness, Riley preferred complete submission so they had agreed that any time the three of them were together, her orders would supersede his. Since Liam was a switch, it wasn’t hard for him to step away from that role when they were all playing, saving his more dominant impulses toward Max for when it was just the two of them.

Besides that, Max had submitted himself to Riley before he and Liam were a thing, and she was the one who had collared him. He was hers.

“Yes, my queen?” Max licked his lips in anticipation.

Riley crooked her finger to indicate he should follow her.

Drake continued to trace her movements as she crossed the room, hips swaying seductively, to take a seat on the couch. Max immediately knelt in front of her.  

Drake watched as she buckled the collar around the other man’s neck. There had been a time when he would have found Max’s complete submission to her weird and weak. He no longer felt that way. Max was just Max, and while his kinks were different from his own, they were no less valid.

Liam retrieved his drink and slammed the rest of it down before crossing the room, discarding clothes as he went, and taking a seat next to her. Fuck it, he decided. He would just proceed as if Drake weren’t standing mere feet away, watching them.

The secret anticipation had nearly killed him. Sitting through dinner as if they hadn’t been planning a foursome immediately after had been an exercise in restraint, testing the strength of his resolve. His very active imagination had already gotten ahead of him with images of what Drake looked like in the throes of passion. Max’s teasing had only stoked the flame higher, watching him now kneeling in front of Riley was more than could withstand. He needed to touch them both.

He leaned forward and captured Max’s lips in a slow, languid kiss before sitting up and turning Riley’s head to face him. He parted her lips with his tongue as his fingers sank into Max’s hair.

Max dotted gentle kisses along the inside of her thigh, one hand on her leg, one hand on Liam’s. Max’s fingers snaked beneath the elastic of her thong. He paused and looked up at her, “May I?”

“Yes, sweet boy, you may,” Riley lifted herself a little to make it easier for him to ease the underwear from her body.

Drake stood at a distance, watching, until she called out to him, “What are you waiting for?”

Her voice spurred him into action. Discarding his own drink, Drake pulled the body-hugging grey t-shirt from his body as he crossed the room in three long strides. He leaned over the back of the couch and trailed hot kisses up the side of her exposed neck.

Riley had one hand tangled in Liam’s hair, and one in Drake’s. She had never touched both of them sexually at the same time before and it sent electric shocks thrilling through her body.

All three men’s hands and mouths were on her and she was lost in the sensation. Lips were on her mouth, her neck, her thighs, and the set on her thighs was steadily trailing upward.

She broke the kiss with Liam when Max’s tongue found her center. Her head thumped back against the couch as her body arched toward him with a sensuous moan.

Drake froze, watching her face. The jealousy he had expected never materialized. He was just as enraptured watching the ecstasy play across her face with Max’s tongue dancing between her legs as he had been when Siobhan had done it.

He didn’t notice how Liam’s eyes darted back and forth between Riley’s face and his own.

“Fuck,” Liam breathed out softly as Riley’s hands moved from his hair to Max’s.

“Mmm, Drake…” she moaned as she turned her head toward him.

With one fluid motion, he hopped over the back of the couch to take the empty spot next to her and covered her lips with his own. He leaned into the kiss, deepening it as she screamed her orgasm into his mouth.

Liam wasn’t sure which he wanted to do more, grab Max by the hair and move him between his own legs, or grab Riley and take her to their bed so he could throw her down and fuck her like there was no tomorrow.

The decision was made for him as Max took matters, and Liam, into his own hands. Or mouth as it were. Liam’s eyes rolled back as Max took his whole length in.

Next to him, Riley had climbed into Drake’s lap, straddling him. Drake’s eyes and hands roved up and down her mostly naked body as desire scaled through him. Earlier in the locker room had been fast and furious. This was slow and torturous.

“These need to come off,” she smiled seductively as her fingers played at the top of his jeans.

Max paused long enough to nip Liam gently on the inside of his leg as he shot a discreet glance toward Drake. Riley had moved off him so he could rid himself of the pants. Max watched in appreciation as Drake’s cock sprung free.

Drake kicked the pants to the side and sat back down, pulling her back into his lap.

Max returned his attention to Liam’s cock as Riley focused on Drake. She lowered herself onto him, slowly easing herself down until he was fully inside her. She stayed there, not moving as she lowered her lips to his ear, “Don’t cum yet. Can you do that for me?”

“I…maybe….no promises,” he expertly relieved her of the bra then he brought two handfuls of firm, supple breasts together and lavished them with his tongue.

She moved her body, grinding into him.

He could usually hold out longer, especially considering they had already done the deed once today. But everything conspired against him. The sounds she was making, the way her body moved against him, the familiar, evocative scent of her, these things were enough, but added to it were the sounds coming from the couple next to them. He might not be into men, but the soft whimpers coming from Liam dumped fuel on the fire already raging through him.

Riley cried out, pushing against him as she fell apart for the second time. That was the end of his restraint. His fingers dug into her hips as he pulled her down onto him while thrusting himself up into her. Obscenities spilled from his mouth as he pulsed inside her.

Liam had meant to stop Max before he came, but he found himself fixated on the sight of Riley bouncing on top of Drake. The moment Drake exploded inside of her, Liam erupted into his lover’s mouth. The sensation of Max’s mouth on him, coupled with the visual of Riley and Drake was more than he could withstand. His fingers twisted in Max’s hair as guttural sounds were ripped from his throat.

Max swallowed every drop, then ran his tongue over the tip for good measure before rocking back on his knees, pleased with himself as he licked his lips in satisfaction.

Liam’s eyes flicked from Max’s face grinning up at him to Riley as Drake’s fingers stroked down the bare flesh of her back. “I think we should move this to the bedroom,” he managed to croak out.

He had cum, but he wasn’t finished. Not by a long shot. He could definitely go again. And Max still hadn’t had any relief, he needed to remedy that. He also wanted to be inside Riley before the night ended.

Riley moved off Drake, retaking her spot in the middle of the couch as she turned toward Liam, “That’s a fabulous idea!” She pulled on Max’s collar, “Come on, Maxey, in the bedroom!”

Max scrambled to his feet and practically skipped to the bedroom. Riley followed behind him, Liam close on her heels. She stopped in the doorway and looked back, “Aren’t you coming?”

“I’m coming!” Drake took to his feet. He had decided to see this thing through, and he wasn’t a quitter.

#trr poly #trr au #the royal romance #trr #the royal romance fanfic #choices fic writers creations #cfwc fics of the week #liam rys #drake walker #maxwell beaumont #riley brooks #angelasscribbles #choices trr #choices #choices stories you play #playchoices fanfic #trr fanfic #trr fandom #choices fanfiction #choicesprompts #smutember 2023

[batman-obsession-by-secret]

Decided to upload the one fanfic that I actually managed to finish so far on here as long as ao3 is being attacked.

It‘s a Fake relationship AU between Stephanie Brown and Tim Drake (Batman all Media types) that DOES NOT end in a real relationship as Tim is together with Conner. Roughly 8.500 words. Deals with asexuality and aromanticism and includes conversations about sexuality etc.

Read here ⬇️

Wanna be my beard? Is a work of fiction that is based on works in the DC universe.

Originally published on Archive of our own, under the alias brunedoutstudentwithaloveforfoundfamily

Note to Reader

This work was written by me and is riddled with grammatical and orthographic errors as I did not have a beta-reader. Also, regardless of weather you know about asexuality and aromanticism, I want you to understand, that some of the conversations depicted are loosely based on conversations I myself had with friends. Just because I feel represented in my sexuality and romantic attraction in this work, it does not mean that every person on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum will feel the same. That is because it is a SPECTRUM. My experiences do not have to be like those of other asexual aromantics for me to be part of this spectrum and the other way around. It can help to compare yourself to others to figure out your identity, but it can also be harmful to focus on the differences rather than the similarities.

Start:

One of the many abilities he had gained as a bat was feeling it when somebody was watching him. Given that he was slumped over in his seat in the middle of the night, with only the blue light of his laptop illuminating the room, it was probably Alfred or, less likely, Bruce who had come to tell him to go to sleep. But both of them would have said something by now rather than standing in the door and just watching. Dick was in Blüdhaven, Jason wouldn’t enter the manor unless he was convinced into joining them for dinner by Alfred, and the demon spawn had no reason to visit him at four in the morning. Even if he did, he would have just thrown a shoe or something at Tim’s head and leave again.

Slowly Tim turned around and looked at the door.

Stephanie was standing there, T-posing and staring at the wall in front of her, wearing a weird mixture of pyjamas and her costume.

“What the hell do you want, Steph?” Tim asked exasperated.

“Ooooh, he has senses! Honestly, I thought your brain had morphed with your computer by now. Or did the camera tell you that you weren’t alone anymore?”

“Come on, Steph, it’s like four in the morning. Why are you here?”

Stephanie let her arms fall to her sides and quickly moved over to his bed, making herself at home. It was clear that whatever she wanted would take some time, so Tim sighed and turned off his laptop before turning around with his chair and moving his legs until he was sitting criss-cross applesauce.

“I just came home after patrol” Stephanie started, “and I had a very shitty day at the office and had some questions for you.”

“If you want me to give you pointers on how to survive in a company, I cannot help you. Half of my survival skills come from being the CEO and literally being allowed to fire people if they are assholes” Tim replied dryly, “If you really want help ask Uncle Clark.”

“Actually, this is something you can help me with better than anybody else I know.”

Tim raised his eyebrow doubtfully.

“Soooooo, Tim, you’re gay, right?”

“I mean, queer, but close enough.” Tim was getting really distrustful now.

“Yeah, but you are into men and in a relationship with a guy and happy in that relationship, right?”

“Obviously”

“And your dad can never find out, right?”

“Yes?”

“And I’m asexual aromantic...”

“….yeah?”

“And we both know than men ain’t shit and don’t take no for an answer unless the girl has a boyfriend...”

“Just-” Tim sighed and raised his hand to his brows, kneading the skin between them “What are you trying to say, Steph?”

“Wanna be my beard?” Stephanie grinned and wriggled her eyebrows at him with a huge grin on her face.

“Wha- like a fake relationship?”

“Yeah! I mean, think about it! You get to prove to your dad that you are definitely not gay, and I don’t have to deal with idiots who ask me out on dates at work, even if I say no literally every time somebody asks,” she shrugs.

“I thought you gave your cat a human name just to get out of these kinds of situations?”

“Yeeeeaaah, but people started getting suspicious because I couldn’t show them any pictures of me with my boyfriend, and everybody else has pictures of their partners on their desk or at the very least as their phone background. So, are you interested?” She leaned forwards on the bed, still with a shit eating grin on her face.

“I mean... I would have to ask Kon first. What exactly would this entail anyways?”

“For me it would just be a few leading pictures and maybe you could join me on the office-Christmas party or some shit. And I guess I could accompany you to some family dinners or whatever you do with your dad?”

“You know what? Deal!”

…

The thing about Stephanie was that she didn’t do things half assed. When she had talked about “a few leading pictures” Tim had imagined some uncomfortable pictures with him hugging her from the back like couples always did. He did not expect her to take pictures of him sleeping, or to book an actual photographer for a couple-session in the park.

Admittedly, it was a lot of fun, though.

Kon had decided to join them on all their little fake-relationship adventures. Not because he didn’t trust Tim but because he wanted to laugh at them while they embarrassed themselves.

At first it had been embarrassing too, but the longer they were taking pictures, the more relaxed Tim became and as such he actually started to have fun.

Stephanie was wearing a beautiful long purple dress and had forced Tim into a suit in the exact same colour. They had started out with the typical “staring deeply into each other eyes” stuff and “hold hands while hugging a tree”, but now they had reached the “throw leaves at each other” and “pretend you`re drunk while walking” part of the shoot.

Instead of throwing the leaves into the air so they would artfully fall down around them, Tim had full on launched them at Stephanies face. They had found random bugs in her hair and dress for about ten minutes after that and Con had laughed so much, he had started to cry.

Then Stephanie had pretended to be drunk not by slightly staggering and laughing like intended, but instead by leaning her entire body weight onto Tim who unfortunately was still smaller than her. When he had shoved her away, she had tumbled down half the hill before eventually letting herself fall and roll down the rest of the way. The photographer had been very concerned while Tim and Conner were nearly choking of laughter. Bruce of course had taught all the Batkids how to properly fall before he had started teaching anything else, so there really wasn’t a reason to worry.

In the end, they had a very exasperated photographer who had a lot fewer good pictures than planned, two very dirty, and three very happy clients. Tim ended up giving the photographer an enormous tip as an apology. It would still take about a week until they would see the results, because the photographer was going to photoshop them first to adjust the lightning and such. By now Tim and Steph couldn’t wait for the pics.

After spending half of the day in the park (miraculously without Ivy interrupting them) the three decided to go to a restaurant for a “fake date”. That had been Conner’s idea and Tim was pretty sure he had only said that because he was truly hungry, but they decided that they hadn’t gone to a proper restaurant together in such a long time, that it only suited to do so now.

“Jesus fuck, Stephanie, don’t you know how to use a knife?” Tim laughed as Stephanie bit of another piece of steak that she had simply punctured with her fork and was now holding up in a single piece.

Stephanie said... something. Tim really couldn’t understand her with her mouth full.

Instead, he turned around to his boyfriend. Conner had ordered some type of steamed buns that were served with a hot pear-custard. Tim had originally thought that it was more suited as dessert, but when the dish arrived, they soon realised that the so-called buns were a lot bigger than expected. They were, however, very fluffy and Tim was dying for a taste.

Luckily, he knew his boyfriend well enough to not even have to ask.

“Ah” he said and opened his mouth suggestively. Con grinned and dipped his fork with a piece of bun into the custard again, before feeding it to Tim.

“Eeew, love” Stephanie commented loudly enough for the people a table over to turn their heads.

“Shhhh!” Tim hissed angrily at her despite his full mouth and ducked his head as he caught the eyes of the man next to them. Quickly he kicked her leg beneath the table, and she started swearing at him (luckily considerably quieter than before), but when Tim caught Conner only laughing at the situation, he couldn’t help but stare at him and smile. Soon enough Conner stopped laughing. He leaned forward and put his tilted face in his hand before reaching over with the other one and stroking over Tim’s lower lip where he had apparently spilled some of the gravy during their little dispute.

“God, you guys are disgusting” Stephanie said, but when Tim threw her an angry look, he saw that she as well was smiling.

“Must be horrible to be confronted with the exact same thing you are trying to get away from, huh?” he teased.

“Meh, it’s easier when I know that I’m not involved in it, you know? Like if somebody was staring at me the way Conner was just staring at you, I’d probably go find the next toilet to escape through the window” she laughed. “But when I see him looking at you like that, I’m honestly just happy for the two of you.”

“Awww, that’s so nice of you” Tim responded.

“Wait, I’m a little confused” commented Conner “I thought the two of you used to be a thing? Was the relationship with him so bad that you just decided to never try that again?” he laughed, though clearly in an uncomfortable way, as if he was a little scared of the answer or rather of offending someone.

“Nah, don’t worry. Our relationship was great! I mean we didn’t go very far, but the things we did do were nice... in a way. I think both of us only started that relationship because we didn’t really understand our sexualities yet but were became such good friends so quickly that we both though “huh, guess this is that love-thing everybody keeps talking about”, you know?” she explained.

“Yeah,” Tim added “I think the main reason we both were happy in that relationship was because both of us were actually so uninterested in anything truly sexual or romantic with the other one that neither of us felt as if we were being pressured into anything. Honestly, apart from you of course, Steph was the partner I felt the most comfortable around-”

“Awwww”

“Shut up! But yes, we broke up, because I had my first ever real crush and realised that maybe what Steph and I had simply wasn’t love. And I guess both of us were stupid enough to think that breaking up meant having to hate each other and avoid each other for ever, cause that’s what they show in the TV and stuff, so we pretty much cut off contact after the breakup. And then when we met again, we realised that we actually still acted the exact same way around each other as we did before, just without the weird attempts at making out, so we became friends again, and here we are” he shrugged.

“Oh, so you’re not just a lesbian?” asked Connery and put an arm around Tim’s shoulders while stuffing another piece of bun into his mouth.

“What? No! What made you think that?”

“Well, when Tim told me about your fake relationship, he told me there was no way you could try to make this into something more serious and I guess I just assumed...”

“No, no, I’m asexual aromantic.”

“Oh, asexuals are those who don’t have sex, right? So aromantics don’t fall in love?”

“Well, not quite. Asexuals can have sex if they want to, but many don’t want to or are even sex-repulsed but most of the time asexuality is defined as not feeling sexual attraction at all. Like not looking at someone and thinking “oh, they look hot” and stuff like that. But yeah, aromantics don’t feel romantic attraction. But you know both of these terms are umbrella terms so there are a lot of people that define themselves as aromantic or asexual but don’t fully fit the description I just gave you.”

“So, what about you?”

“Yeah, I don’t feel any sexual or romantic attraction and I also absolutely do not want to have sex. I mean everything about that just kind of freaks me out? I’m pretty sure if somebody sent me a dickpic I would just immediately throw up and if I had to touch one... god, I can’t even imagine. I mean they are just so disgusting? And vulvas are weird too? But I have one, so they are kinda okay, but like I don’t even like to masturbate and if I do masturbate, I don’t touch it with my fingers, cause yuck, so I just use toys. But yeah, my sex-drive is pretty small anyways, so I just masturbate like every few weeks?”

“Okay, that might be a bit too much information, Steph!” Tim interrupted while throwing a look around the restaurant. There was a young couple nearby who had stopped talking to listen as soon as Stephanie had started her rant and a server had approached their table, assumably to pour them more water, but had immediately left when she had heard their topic.

“No, actually, it’s really interesting to hear this!” Conner commented “I mean, I never really get the chance to hear about the opposite of my attraction you know? After all education is the most important weapon and I think we all know, that no sex-education teacher would ever get into such depth” he laughed.

“Oh please, as if this would get mentioned in sex-ed at all! I didn’t even learn about anal sex being a possibility until Bruce decided that school sex ed was shit and that he had to teach us about the real world.”

“True, in my first sex-ed class the teacher taught us, that every decision we did was subconsciously because of our sexuality and as an example she said that whenever we got dressed we subconsciously tried to look good to out crushes, which confused the FUCK out of me, because back then, the only person I actually wanted to impress was my mother, and I was actually trying to look like a good daughter whenever I got dressed. Seriously thought I had like an Oedipus complex because of that!”

Tim burst into laughter at that and didn’t manage to stay quiet, causing even more people to start staring at them.

“What’s an Oedipus complex?” asked Conner and Tim’s head whipped around to him with a face full of disbelieve before he started laughing even more.

“It’s when you wanna fuck your mom”.

“Ew, what the fuck? Who would even think about that?!?!”

“Well certainly not you, unless you decide to classify Lex Luthor as your mom”.

“Oh my god” exclaimed Conner and gagged while Tim laughed so hard, he had to hold onto the table and Steph’s grin became even more devious.

“Anyways, back to the masturbation thing...”

“No, please I don’t want to hear it if it involves your mom!”

“It does NOT! I said I only THOUGHT I had an Oedipus complex because that useless-ass teacher decided to generalize an experience that only y’all allosexual-hypersexual-perverted-horny-ass-dumbasses have!!!!”

“Please!” Tim managed to get out between his gasps “No more, Steph. I can’t breathe” and he wiped away tears of laughter from under his eyes.

“Shut up, I’m educating Mr. Kent here!” Steph turned back to Connor and put on an unexpectedly serious face “So basically porn doesn’t do it for me and hentai used to do it for me, but now I only find stuff that is like extremely unrealistic and often super rapey so most of the time I just listen to people having sex because auditive stimulation gets me going-”

“Errr...”

“And I can’t even imagine myself in sexual situations. Like my phantasies always surround other people-”

“Real people?”

“No like book characters and stuff.”

“Huh”

“Like 50 shades of grey”

“Excuse me?”

“Sure, the book was unrealistic as fuck and not particularity well written – in my personal opinion- but it was good if you wanted to read some smutty porn, you know?”

“No, I don’t. I don’t read porn... or watch it, to be honest.”

Tim stopped laughing and looked at Conner in surprise. “Really? You don’t watch porn?”

Connor shrugged a little uncomfortably. “Am I supposed to? I don’t know it never really did something for me...”

“No, you don’t have to. I just kind of saw you as.... I mean you have a pretty high sex drive” Tim commented with a face as red as a tomato and threw another quick glance around, suddenly caring about the other people in the restaurant again.

“I mean yeah, I do, but porn just doesn’t do it for me? Like it is so different from any sexual experience I ever had... it’s kind of like watching a very bad actor?”

“Mh, yeah, I guess I get that....”

“By the way, Tim. When I started this whole fake-dating thing you said that you were queer rather than gay, but when you broke up with me you said you were gay.... just.. I guess I’m a little confused. Can you explain that a little more? If you want to, I mean. No pressure and all that, you don’t owe me an explanation or anything, I just thought, since we’re already talking about it and stuff....”

“Yeah! Sure! I mean, a lot about my understanding about myself has changed since we broke up. When we broke up I truly though I was gay, but since then I had a few minor crushes on girls that made me rethink that, you know? It’s just that when you say “I’m bisexual” most people think that you like boys and girls the same amount, but I kind of prefer boys? Like every time I had a crush on a girl it went away quicker, but it also took a lot longer for me to develop one and it was always on a girl that I was already friends with."

He stroked his chin “I kind of thought that I might be a bit like demi-romantic when it comes to girls but a full-blown allosexual when it comes to boys? I don’t think there is an extra label for it, but I also feel the most comfortable with “queer” just because most of the realizations I had about my sexuality were years apart and I’m kinda scared to come out as something and realizing later on, that a different label fist better...”

“Well, sexuality is fluid. I think it is totally normal to find out later on that a label that used to be perfect feels different now.”

“Yeah, I know. The thing is coming out is already hard, but coming out a second time because you were wrong the first time? I would probably be too scared that people say “see I knew you lied” or “see it WAS a phase” to even come up with the courage for that. Apart from that...” he reached over and took Conners hand in his, smiling shily at him “as long as the two of us are together, any possible changes regarding my sexual identity won’t make a difference anyway.”

“Awww” Conner said and leaned down to press a tender kiss on Tim’s lips.

“I’m pansexual by the way” he said when he sat back again.

“HA! So, you ARE my complete opposite!” exclaimed Steph and Connor laughed again.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

…

The pictures came in less than a week later and they were amazing. The lighting was perfect, and the photographer had given himself the trouble to photoshop every single stray hair and pimple until the pictures looked crispy clean.

Most importantly they were cringy as fuck.

Tim loved them so much, that he went to find Alfred’s stock of picture frames and put the ones that were the worst onto the bedside table not only in the manor, but also his nest and some of his most frequently used safehouses. When Connor found out about that he decided to do the same just to fuck with everybody who ever visited him.

Stephanie on the other hand decided to take the most realistic looking ones and framed them for her office. Additionally, she forced Tim to take some selfies that she used as her phone background.

Technically they were now done from her side of the deal. The only reason why she could need Tim’s assistance again was if there were any company dinners or somebody still decided that she wasn’t if the table yet. Apparently, there was one very insistent co-worker Tim might have to scare off by actually showing up at her workplace though they both hoped that they would be able to avoid that.

But Stephanie still had to show up for her part of the deal which meant a dinner with Tim’s father and his new girlfriend Dana.

Tim was a very particular planner, and he had a backup plan for every possible situation which led to Stephanie staying at the manor with him for nearly a week prior to the dinner just going through all the possibilities.

The idea was pretty simple: Tim had already requested to be allowed to bring a +1 to the dinner and he would bring Stephanie over and driver her home (which of course meant the manor). Stephanie would wear on of the formal dresses she normally only wore to Bruce’s balls or charity events, and she would only speak about “proper” topics in a “proper” language to ensure that Jack Drake was pleased.

Jason had walked in on the two going through the pronunciation of certain archaeology terms that Jack was sure to bring up and had joked about them being the real-life version of Pygmalion and asked if they needed help from a professional.

Neither of them had gotten the joke which led to Jason walking away and muttering about “the uneducated youth”.

When the day came, both of them got dressed at the manor and decided to take Tim’s car to drive the admittedly very short drive over to Drake-manor. It didn’t occur to Stephanie that they hadn’t actually told anyone what exactly they were doing until the two were standing at the front door and Alfred came over to fix Tim’s hair and tie.

He had a weir look on his face. An unnatural state of nearly fully hidden confusion and pride. The confusion seemed to win over though.

Damian didn’t seemto have any interest in hiding his emotions. He was standing on top of the stairs with disgust clearly written all over his face. Next to him was Bruce who looked as if he was trying to solve a particularly tricky trap by the Riddler.

Stephanie was kind of sad that Dick, Jason, and Duke weren’t there. Cass would have either looked through their intentions within a second or at the very least hid her emotions well enough for Steph not to get it.

Tim seemed to be blissfully unaware of the tumult he had caused in his family’s minds.

“Thanks, Alf. We should be back in around 4-5 hours. I doubt it’ll take longer than that... at the very least you won’t have to plan for us for dinner. See ya!” He said and waved at all the people in the room before literally taking Steph’s hand to lead her out of the door.

As soon as the door shut behind them Steph snorted.

“What?” Tim asked.

“You didn’t tell them, did you?” She didn’t have to wait for an answer. His confused face told her more than enough. “Oh my god, Timmy. They all think we’re an actual couple now!” she laughed.

“What? No, they don’t.”

“Well, if they didn’t think so when we went out, clearly overdressed and claiming that we’re going out for dinner than they certainly thought so when you took my hand just then.”

Tim quickly let go of her hand as if he had burned himself and stared at her in shock.

“I only did that to get into the role!”

“Yeah, I know that, but they don’t.”

“Oh my god, that’s horrible” Tim swore and held his head in his hands “No, wait!” he looked up, clearly having had an epiphany “This is great! Oh, I can totally use that against them!”.

…

The dinner seemed to go well as far as Stephanie could tell.

They had decided to stay as close to the truth as possible, which meant that they admitted having had a relationship before, when Jack asked how long they had known each other, though they lied and claimed that they broke up, because Stephanie moved away for some while.

She had also admitted to her office job, which had been the absolute low of the entire dinner, as Jack had managed to subtly hint what he thought about office workers. Fucking rich people and their obsessions with good paying jobs- HA! I’m kidding. Their obsession with pretending their inherited money way showed their own hard work and achievements. Yeah, sure. Who are we kidding?

Still, Stephanie thought everything was going well.

Dana was very interested and attentive, leading the conversation away from work and over to hobbies. She generally showed good abilities to settle or even avoid any disputes.

So, Stephanie was certainly surprised, when she went for the bathroom and immediately walked into Tim when she exited.

“What the hell, Tim?”

“Plan F, we have to kiss.”

“What? What the fuck, Tim?”

“You agreed to all my plans!”

“Yeah, but only because I thought there was no way we would get further than C!”

“Come on, Steph. My dad does not believe us! We have to step up our game.”

“Can’t we start with like holding hands and stuff?”

“We did that the entire evening! I’m telling you, he does not believe us! I’m just talking about like a short peck, nothing more. We used to fully make out!”

“Okay, thanks, please don’t remind me of that. Fine, I’m okay with a short peck. Is Connor okay with that?”

“Yeah, don’t worry I asked him.”

“Okay, when?”

“Just at the end, when we leave. Jack is going to watch us get into the car and drive away, I promise. As suspicious as he is, he definitely will. I’ll hold the door open for you and we can give each other a short kiss before we enter the car and then drive of immediately.”

“Alright, let’s do it.”

…

It still took about an hour more until they were even able to leave. Jack had hired a cook just for the day and apparently that meant that 3 courses was not enough.

Eventually they managed to convince Jack and Dana that Stephanie had to be home early enough to get some proper sleep before she had to head to work (a lie, she didn’t work tomorrow). When Jack asked Tim where he was going to stay the night, he told him that he was going to stay with Steph, and there was a short moment of uncomfortable silence before Jack nodded but not without suspicion.

Finally, they managed to get their goats and just as Tim had predicted Jack went outside to see them of.

Tim led Stephanie to the passenger side of the car and opened the door. Just before she went to sit down, the two turned towards each other and Tim gave her a short smile, before she leaned down to give him a short kiss on the lips.

For a second, she could taste the sweat on his upper lip, but then the kiss was over and Tim soon closed the door after her.

In the mirror she saw him walk around the car and waving at his father, who looked a lot more convinced than before. Tim entered the car and started driving before he even put on the seatbelt. The two of them managed to wait until they were out of sight before Tim abruptly stopped the car.

“Eww, this used to be better back when I was straight!” Tim exclaimed and violently rubbed his sleeve over his lips. Steph quickly got a water bottle from the back of the car and started gurgling with it before opening the door and spitting the water onto the street.

“What are you doing? It’s not like it was a French kiss!”

“No, but I still got your taste on my tongue. God, why was your lip so sweaty? This was like kissing my brother!” she complained.

“I was nervous!”

“About kissing me?”

“Oh, please, been there, done that! I was nervous about my dad obviously!”

…

When they arrived at Wayne manor minutes later, Tim parked the car outside and once again went to open Stephanies door.

“Oh, thank you, my love” Steph mocked, and Tim grinned.

As they reached the entrance door, he held her back again.

“Hey, I just wanted to thank you for this. I know it wasn’t easy to let yourself be mocked by my father like that and to listen to his rambles for hours. So, yeah.... thank you.”

Stephanie smiled at him and eventually opened her arms in an invitation. It had been quite a while since the two had shared such an honest hug. The last few years had been filled with hardships and deceptions. It was good to know that the two had finally managed to get to a point where they could truly leave all of that behind them.

It also wasn’t often that either of them had the chance to enjoy a hug as long as this one without being interrup....

Somebody cleared their throat beside them, and Stephanie and Tim immediately separated.

“You two had a good time?” Jason asked from where he was standing in the door. He was holding his motorcycle helmet under his arm, clearly on his way to leave, and had one brow lifted in amusement and surprise.

Instead of explaining the situation, like Stephanie was just about to do, Tim gave him a blinding grin.

“Yes, thanks, anyways, goodbye!” he said and grabbed Stephanies hand, guiding her past Jason and into the manor.

…

Tim and Connor were cuddling in Tim’s bed in his nest, when Stephanie barged in through the window. Connor had Tim secured in his arms, playing the part of the big spoon for a change, while Tim was holding onto his arm with one hand and scrolling through his phone with the other. They had spent the day together and had decided to make the best of the little time they had before Tim had to leave for patrol. Unfortunately, due to the level of caffeine in Tim’s system, sleeping was off the table, so cuddling it was.

“Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim” Stephanie whined and threw herself on top of the two, causing Connor to laugh.

“Ugh, what do you want Steph?”

“They don’t believe me.”

“Mh? Who doesn’t believe what?”

“Elijah, that dude from work doesn’t believe me. Or maybe he just doesn’t care. But he’s still insisting to go out with me!”

“I don’t understand,” Con chimed in “Why don’t you just tell him no?”

“Wha.. Seriously Con? I did!!! He just doesn’t fucking care and doesn’t know how to take no for an answer!”

“So? You have the combined power of Robin, Batgirl, and Spoiler in your fists. Just make him understand.” Connor answered coldly.

“God, I wish I could, but B would kill me for that.”

“Doesn’t he have a no-kill-policy?”

“I meant figuratively.”

“Ooooh, Stephanie, pulling out the big words!”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“What exactly do you want me to do, though? I already posed for pictures with you.” Tim asked. He now had his eyes closed, clearly trying to mentally escape from the situation. The entire day had been so nice, just him and Connor, all on their own, in either silence or calm conversations.... why did Stephanie have such a loud voice?

“Come to the company Christmas party with me?”

“Pretty sure Bruce will throw some type of event that I’ll have to attend so no thanks, I’ll pass.”

“Ugh, fine, can you like pick me up from work or something?”

“That sounds.... doable.”

Stephanie grinned. “Great! I’ll see you tomorrow then!”

“Wait, no, I don’t have time tomor...” but Stephanie had already left through the window again.

Tim sighed defeated.

“Not that I mind, honey, but how long are the two of you planning to continue with this?” Connor asked.

“I don’t know. I mean I think my father is convinced. Tomorrow will probably be the last time...” he sighed once more, “Hey, Con, what are you doing tomorrow?”

…

He wasn’t entirely sure, why he was so nervous, but here he was, in nice but comfortable clothes and a bouquet of flowers in his hand, standing in front of the building Steph was working in.

It was an ugly looking office complex that had some visible cracks in its foundation, but considering that this was Gotham, it looked pretty good.

There was no receptionist or security, so Tim simply walked in and after a short look at the elevator decided to take the stairs up to the fourth floor.

To say that Stephanies workplace was chaotic would have been an understatement. There seemed to be a couple of private offices at the edge of the giant room he entered immediately after leaving the stairs. Within the room however there were no separating walls but only thin plywood that barely gave anybody the privacy of not being seen when the sat. It only reached up to Tim’s chest when he was standing, and he was man enough to admit that he wasn’t exactly the tallest of people.

It was loud. Hundreds of people seemed to be talking at the same time and several phones were ringing from different directions. That paired with the constant clicking of keyboards and the whirring of the coffee machines and the lights created an unbearable mixture of sounds.

He saw several people wearing headphones, and absolutely everybody had an absolutely dead expression of their face.

Tim would have never found Stephanie if he hadn’t seen Elijah. At least he assumed that it was Elijah from the description Stephanie had given him. A washed-out blue button down, sleeked back blonde hair, and a devilish grin. He was slumped over one of the plywood walls which made him very visible as he was the only head Tim could fully see over the borders.

He was apparently talking to somebody, and his grin quickly changed to a badly executed puppy look and pout as Tim came closer.

“Aww, come on honey, I’m just asking for a single date, mh? Couple of drinks, maybe a little fun, that’s all.”

“And once again, no, I’m not interested.” Tim heard Stephanie answer. Her voice sounded resigned as if she had had the same conversation on a daily basis.

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that. I’m a great guy, really! I bet I could make you feel better than your boyfriend.” Elijah went on.

“Better than me? I doubt that.” Tim decided to interrupt and gave Elijah a blinding smile when he whipped his head around to him. Stephanie quickly stood up, clearly not having expected Tim to show up at this moment.

“Tim! Hey! I didn’t think you... aww are those flowers?”

“Of course, babe, I wouldn’t want to show up empty handed.” Right then and there, Tim decided to play his part as a loving boyfriend as overbearingly as possible, immediately leaning over the plywood and pressing a kiss on Stephanies cheek. “I missed you honey,”

Stephanie laughed, “we saw each other yesterday.”

“An eternity without you” answered Tim, and yeah, he may have overdone it a little bit just now.

“You are Timothy Jackson Drake!” Elijah exclaimed in disbelieve from the side. When Tim looked over, he saw with satisfaction, that his face had gone white, clearly seeing that he couldn’t compete with Tim.

“And you are?” Tim asked back, sending a disapproving and obvious look down Elijah’s body.

“I.. Uhm... Elijah.”

“A-ha,” Tim said, attempting to show his disinterest in Elijah’s person before turning back to Stephanie “I got a date planned, honey, care to join me?”

“I.. Still have to work though?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Tim grinned, “I’m sure somebody in my position can convince your boss for a few hours off.”

He walked around her and started to gather her things, noticing, that the room had become decidedly quieter as many workers were peeking over their workstations to see what was happening.

He went ahead and grabbed Stephanies coat, holding it up to help her put it on, before putting some of her stuff in her bag. It was then, that he saw the array of pictures she had on her workspace. While Tim himself had put up their fake dating pictures in basic frames, Stephanie had apparently opted to decorate her frames with an array of rhinestones and bows and alike. It looked like she had given them to a group of five-year-olds and let them do with it whatever they wanted.

She had however chosen some of the more realistic looking pictures.

Tim pointed at a random one of them. “That one is my favourite,” he commented, before taking Stephanies hand and leading her away from her desk.

Dozens of eyes seemed to follow them as they made their way to the exit.

As soon as they were out of sight, Tim wound his hand out of hers and snatched the flowers again.

“Hey! Those were mine!”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. Why would I get you flowers? They are for Connor.”

He had barely finished his sentence when Connor was suddenly standing next to him.

“Flowers?” he asked excitedly, and Tim couldn’t help but smile at him. This time it was a real one and not faked, as he handed the flowers over to Con.

“Sure! Do you like them?” he asked. He hadn’t been exactly sure what kind of flowers Connor would like. All those stereotypical-date flowers had seemed unfitting.

“I love chamomiles!” Connor exclaimed, “grandma always makes sure not to cut them when she tends to her garden, just because I think they are so pretty!”

“You two are adorable.” Steph commented.

“Yeah, we are also on a date,” Tim answered, “So scatter, we need some alone time.”

“Aww, come on. What am I supposed to do? You just took me out of work like 4 hours early!”

“There is no way, you can tell me, that you are enjoying that job.”

“Of course not, but it is better than boredom. Can’t I join you two?”

“Absolutely not!” Tim said at the same time as Connor answered “Sure, why not?”

The two stared at each other. Finally, Tim gave in.

“Fine, but if you destroy my date time, I’ll finish you.”

Minutes later, the three were strolling down some of the nicer streets of Gotham. Connor was holding the flowers in one hand and Tim’s hand in his other, as they were heading towards one of Tim’s favourite coffeeshops.

…

“We might have a problem.” Steph said before even greeting Tim and Connor.

“Why, what’s up?”

Alfred had convinced all of them to come to the manor. Over the last couple of years, the relationships within the family had gotten better. Only slightly so, but enough to go from weekly Saturday dinners to at least on movie or game night a month. There were only very few reasons that were seen as good enough to skip one and most of those included being of planet on a mission.

Lately most of them brought friends or lovers as well, so it wasn’t a surprise to anyone when Tim had invited Connor. He blended in just as well as Roy and Starfire.

It was still an hour or so until they would even start. Alfred was busy in the kitchen cooking up some snacks that went beyond popcorn and as long as he was in there only Jason was allowed to even enter the lower levels.

Tim was pretty sure that they were going to watch some kind of Disney movie – partly because Dick loved them so much and partly because Bruce still believed that Damian was the most innocent child to ever exist, and he didn’t want to ruin that. What a hypocrite.

Right now, that meant that almost everybody was still in their rooms and Stephanie had decided to join Tim and Connor in Tim’s.

Tim was already dressed in comfortable sleep clothes as he always did for movie nights, while Connor was still wearing his leather jacket and Tim was absently playing with one of the jacket spikes. Stephanie was sitting on the other side of the room at the laptop and had been browsing through the internet.

Now she put the laptop on her lap and turned around in the swivel chair.

“Look.”

Tim bowed forwards trying to see what she was looking at. It was a newspaper article from some kind of celebrity magazine.

Timothy Drake, CEO of Wayne-company, reportedly dating commoner Stephanie Brown.

“Huh?” Tim asked dumbfounded.

“Somebody at the company must have told on us.”

“Oh yeah, I didn’t even think about that being a possibility. Fuck we should have thought about that before we started this whole thing.” Tim mused out loud.

“What kind of wording is that?” asked Connor “`commoner` makes it sound like you are some kind of prince or king!”

“Who says I’m not?”

“Aww, you’re definitely my prince.” Connor said and kissed Tim.

“That’s disgusting” Stephanie commented drily, and Tim flipped her off.

“Are you not concerned about this?” she asked next.

“Not really. I mean, isn’t this kind of what we wanted to archive?”

“Yeah!” laughed Connor “I’m just glad our conversation in the restaurant didn’t manage to get into the papers!”

“God, that would have been terrible.”

“I bet people told the press and the press just didn’t believe them” joked Connor.

“Truuuueee” Tim and Steph answered in unison.

After a moment of silence, Steph spoke up again.

“So, we’re not going to do anything about this?”

“Not unless it becomes a real problem” Tim shrugged.

…

When the time came for the movie to start, the three of them decided to sit on the same couch, with Tim sitting in the middle. They had a dark-red comforter thrown over their laps and Tim was holding a tray of snacks on his lap.

Apart from popcorn and chips, which Dick demanded to be served for a movie night, Alfred had made some bacon wrapped dates, some typical finger-food, alcohol free cocktails.... all in all it was basically a buffet of snacks and drinks.

Tim wasn’t really paying attention to the movie. He was too distracted by Conners hand that was gently petting his thigh. Not yet in an inappropriate way, but just high enough to demand Tim’s full attention. Stephanie on his other side had sat sideways and had buried her unusually cold feet underneath his other leg. Apparently, his butt-warmth was better than the comforter and Tim was too comfortable right now to shoo her off.

Unfortunately, Stephanie had a thing for sugary drinks, and she was downing one after the other. It hadn’t been a problem until about 30 minutes into the movie when she started to get restless. Soon she was fidgeting, and it made Tim uncomfortable.

“What is wrong?” he whispered over the sounds of the movie.

“I need to pee”

“Then go pee!”

“But we’re about to get to the best part!”

“Jesus Christ...” muttered Tim, before finally speaking up loud enough to alert B who was holding the remote, “Stephanie has to take a piss.”

“Don’t say it like that!”

“Seriously, Steph?”

“We’re not even halfway through the movie, how can you already have to go?”

“Why didn’t you go beforehand?” a chorus of voices questioned annoyed. But Bruce had already stopped the movie and motioned her to go quickly.

Stephanie jumped up and disappeared through the door.

Tim sighed as he settled back into the couch. He felt as if his relationship with Stephanie had improved a lot over the past few weeks. They had finally managed to get back to their sibling-like bickering but at the same time she seemed to have been around everytime he went on a date with Conner, partly because of their little fake relationship, partly just due to coincidence.

Nonetheless, Tim missed his private time with Conner.

As Stephanie was gone and her fidgeting feet weren’t distracting him anymore, he realized that Conners hand had stopped moving under the blanket and was now nothing but a comforting and warm handprint on his thigh. Tim leaned his head on Conners shoulder.

He should probably apologize to Conner about the missed-out time. Maybe he could come up with a proper date idea just between the two of them. Something a bit more extravagant, like a trip to Hawaii or France... They wouldn’t even have to buy a plane ticket; Connor could just fly them. He smiled to himself. Maybe he could take off some time from the company and ask somebody to take over his cases for a week or so.

Tim turned his head to stare at Connor and smile at him. Con was still staring at the screen even though the movie wasn’t rolling at the moment. Sometimes Tim truly forgot how handsome he was. All sharp chin and wicked smile, but kind eyes and a cute nose. How did he manage to catch a man like this again?

Conner seemed to notice his staring because he too turned his head to look at Tim and his features softened when he saw his gaze.

Before Tim could even think about what they were doing, Connor leaned down and pressed a soft, tender kiss to his lips, while affectionately squeezing his thigh.

“TIMOTHY JACKSON DRAKE!” Bruce screamed so suddenly, that Connor flinched back with his eyes wide open, and Tim immediately jumped up with his fist raised, ready to defend himself from whatever threat was coming towards him. Hastily he looked around, covering any and every entrance, jerking his head into every direction, when he couldn’t find a threat.

“What? What happened? Who’s attacking?” he exclaimed in panic.

“How dare you?” Dick screamed at him with such hurt in his voice that he managed to pull Tim’s entire attention on him, despite his active fight or flight instinct. “How could you hurt Stephanie like that?”

After a moment of shocked silence, Conner burst into laughter next to him, but Tim still didn’t understand what was happening.

“Hurt her like what?” he questioned full of confusion.

“You’re cheating on her right in front of our eyes? Did you think we would not tell her about this?” Accused Jason, who had jumped up as well, but unlike Tim who was ready to defend himself, Jason looked moments away from jumping and attacking Tim.

“I’m not... what?”

Conner was no help as he only got lost in his laughter. He was leaning forward on the couch and holding unto the table in front of them as he was laughing hard enough to have tears escape from his eyes.

“What, you thought we wouldn’t find out about your relationship with Stephanie? It’s all over the newspaper!” Jason added angrily.

“Oh!” Tim exclaimed as finally he understood what was going on. “No, you misunderstand....”

“What is happening?” Stephanie interrupted as she walked back into the room and saw half of the Batfamily standing with fury in their eyes and Connor now practically laying on the floor.

Surprisingly it was Roy who decided to fill her in, and he bluntly stated that Tim was cheating on her. For a second Tim thought that the situation was going to be resolved, but then he saw Stephanies face change from confusion to hurt – a hurt he could clearly tell was fake and before he had the chance to stop her, she erupted, as Connor, who clearly realized what was about to happened howled in laughter.

“Babe!”

“Stephanie, no.”

“How could you?!”

“Seriously Steph, they are going to kill me-”

“After everything we’ve gone through together?!?!”

“For the love of god, Stephanie”

“After everything I’ve sacrificed?”

“Please lord, take me now.”

#fanfics #Tim Drake #stephanie brown #conner kent #red Robin #superboy #Pride #asexual #aromantic #Gay #queer #bisexuell #ao3 #ao3 is down #Batman #dc fandome #dc fanfics #dc fanfic #writers of tumblr

[somedeepmystery]

These retreat mentions share more if you are ready and want too :)

I will admit that I’m not sure it will ever be ready to post, but I do have a two sentence synopsis. But the bitch is 375k (absolutely ridiculous) which makes it difficult to fit into any size synopsis.

Elevator pitch: Two people with disastrous sex lives are matched together on an exclusive sex retreat, and the sparks fly. Months later, fate brings them together again but, to have any chance at a real relationship, they’ll have to overcome past traumas, personal conflicts, long distance, and a hidden connection that puts them both in the cross-hairs of a maniac.

(If you don’t like sex scenes, this fic is not for you.)

Getting Illya to go to a sex retreat? I know, I know, friend. It did take work. lol

I want to give a list of tropes but I’m drawing a blank, except for the most important one, lol, the Size Kink. Hahaha! Most important one to know going in, anyway. 😂

Gaby’s owns an automobile manufacturing company, Schmidt Automotive, which she inherited from her foster father. Things are going well in that department, but her sex/dating life is in the trash. All the men she dates end up being selfish/clueless in bed. After a particularly disappointing (insulting) encounter, she gets a call from long time rival Victoria, offering her a free trip: to an exclusive, tailored, sex retreat.

She doesn’t take her up on it immediately but eventually decides that, since she can turn down the person she is paired with, she might as well give it a try.

Illya owns/operates a company that offers security and protection services. His sex life also sucks-- mostly because of his, shall we say, anatomy? It’s more than a little intimidating. It sucks, sure, especially since his last long time girlfriend dumped him over it. **  He is ready to just deal with it, but his partner and foster brother, Solo, is not ready to leave things be and decides to but him a trip to this very exclusive retreat where they are experts at matching people up for sex. Illya immediately rejects this but, after some time and trials, he decides that doing something different is better than just doing nothing/same thing over and over. He decides to take a chance.

After a slightly awkward beginning to their first meeting, things between them go VERY WELL. In fact, it’s almost like they were made for each other somehow. Problem? This retreat was only supposed to be a one weekend deal. While Illya is hoping she’ll be willing to keep in touch, Gaby and her abandonment issues are immediately in retreat because of how much she actually likes the person behind all the great sex. She leaves without exchanging numbers, or even last names.

Six months later, her company is experiencing a security issue. Important, proprietary information has been leaked to the competition: Vinciguerra Motors! Waverly sets about hiring a security expert to come in and close the gaps. And who walks into Gaby’s conference room but the guy she left behind at the sex retreat. The guy she has totally not been thinking of ever since.

ANYWAY - there’s more after that, because it’s like three books in one lol, but that’s as long of a post as I want to make. Writing it all out makes me see how ridiculous it all is. But, in my defense, when I was originally writing it, it was just for funsies, so I wasn’t trying to make it make sense.

Hope that gave you a little of what you are looking for, anon. And it’s not just torture for something that will never be, because I cannot guarantee I will ever post it.

**all the tictok girlies calling out how ridiculous large dicks are in romances/erotica is so funny to me now because, yeah a huge dick seems normal when you read this shit but in reality? Sure. Illya's dick is too big, that's literally the point. *snerk* (Also, I started writing this Dec 2015, friends. And the idea was born after watching Magic Mike XXL, bwahahahahaha!)

#gallya #gaby x illya #tmfu #illya kuryakin #gaby teller #illya x gaby #fanfic life #project: the retreat #asks and answers

[scenetocause]

the way you write lando and max is so viscerally them that it gives me butterflies every time please don’t ever stop pressing keys on a keyboard thank you

heh i cannot. actually process praise because i am very mentally unwell but thank u anon here is a ficlet of them being hungover

Obviously, it was a terrible idea to get drunk at the F1 Arcade party. Firstly because everyone knows who they are and secondly because Max gets the worst hangover anxiety known to man and they're in a hotel and now he's agitating while Lando's trying, like any reasonable person, to become one with the mattress in the hope it will somehow stop his head hurting.

"Stop, look-" he grabs for Max, blindly. "C'mere."

Taking advantage of being bigger than Max these days to pull him down into the pillows probably is a little bit unfair but Lando can't deal with the way he's frantic-scrolling his phone. "No one's gonna have taken pictures of you checking my arse out or whatever, it was dark. And anyway, you do that normally, why are you worrying about-"

"Because," Max looks a bit tearful, from the way they're pressed very close, faces almost touching. "I can't remember what I did or how we got back and that's - fuck, I need to sort myself out."

Oh. Oh. It's not anxiety, not really or at least if it is it's about bigger things than Lando ordering them an Uber. It's that every brush with racing stuff reminds Max he isn't a driver anymore, lets him pick at himself and see every bit of his body and mind that's changed as a problem, not a success. Turns Max Fewtrell, happy and healthy on a sabbatical into a negative compared to Max Fewtrell, lost and spiralling in racing. Puts himself back in the place where it was his fault, where there's another reality he could go back to and prod and poke at it until something else happened.

Lando opens his arms, pulls Max close, lets him snuggle in. It's weird, that their size difference is the other way now and Max is so tiny, tucked against Lando's chest with his face in the crook of Lando's neck.

"Do you want avocado toast or, like, proper greasy breakfast?" Lando's trying to get his body as moulded to Max as possible, which he could justify as being like, Max's weighted blanket or something but is mostly just because there's never going to be a time when being in bed with Max, in just their boxers, isn't going to be exciting to him.

Max makes a humming noise. "Probably the avocado. It's your off-season though, you pick."

There's just enough movement between them that Lando manages to get a hand on Max's arse, so he can get their hips in line for some not-exactly-rutting but like. Just knowing their dicks are in the same place, reassuring more than horny.

"We're getting McDonalds," Lando decides. The hotel probably does Deliveroo and if not, they'll eat it sitting on Max's car's bonnet because he hates the smell getting in the seats.

Formalities over, he gets back to the real task of tracing circuit maps on Max's lower back and sucking his earlobe and pushing his leg between Max's until Lando can roll them over, be on top of Max while he's gently, like, ravishing him or some shit.

Max lets it happen, moans and arches his back when Lando sucks his nipple, bites at the chest hair he's kind of jealous of. By the time he pulls Max's boxers down he's basically all the way hard and a few seconds of Lando mouthing at the tip of his dick gets him the rest of the way there.

It's salty, velvety, nice. Max has a pretty dick, pink and easy for Lando to swirl his tongue around, hold in his mouth more than sucking, heavy on his tongue. He always ends up having to use quite a lot of hand but that's ok because Max likes it and it's not long before his balls are tight, under Lando's palm and then Max comes in his mouth and lets him keep going, basically making out with Max's dick as it softens.

By the time he's satisfied, wriggles back up the bed to drape himself on Max, he's kinda but not very surprised that Max is crying. Not a lot, just enough to say it was intense for him and sometimes Max doesn't have the words for whatever he's feeling. Doesn't matter, they'll work it out together, once Lando's head feels less like it's in a bear trap.

"Thanks, Bob." Max kisses him on the forehead and it's almost as good as paracetamol. "I'll get you back when we get home, yeah? Blowie in the streaming chair."

That's the best suggestion Lando's heard all morning, so he just unlocks his phone and shoves it in Max's hand, Deliveroo open. "I wanna double sausage muffin."

"Sure you do, buddy," Max says while squeezing his arse and. Ok, yeah. He does.

#emptyhalf fic

[iguessitsjustme]

Big Dragon Ep 5 Thoughts

-This continues to be the only show I do this for. It greatly increases my enjoyment of the show to post like this and I cannot explain why. I wish y’all could see and hear my reactions in real time though because they’re kind of hilarious. Anyway time for my favorite assholes!

-I cannot lie. I love this opening song. And the visuals. It has no business being this good. 

-Unrelated but the wind is so strong right now I’m pretty sure it just blew through my building. I felt a breeze and a receipt blew across my table and onto my floor. I should probably be concerned but this is one of those situations where I have no control so whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen and there’s no use stressing about it. I’ll probably be fine.

-Oh so Mangkorn was telling her no and she wasn’t listening. I mean he could have removed her at any time but I don’t blame him for wanting her to LISTEN. Considering this show started with a mutual sexual assault there is an insanely good amount of consent. 

-This is no longer the Bad Buddy song. The soundtrack has changed. Love that. 

-Of COURSE it starts raining. Why wouldn’t it? 

-YES. KEEP PUNCHING EACH OTHER. VIOLENCE. 

-Oh look. They’re fucking again. Thought it was weird that it was taking so long for them to fuck again. *eats Cheetos*

-Oh no not the model!

-Can he cook for me? 

-Oh this is so sweet. He made Yai a dish his mother used to make for him when we all know Yai has been particularly missing his mother lately. A mother’s love comes in all forms. 

-Aw they’re treating each other’s wounds. That they caused. They really went from punching each other in the face to fucking with no steps in between. 

-They make each other better and they make each other worse.

-For the love of god, please do not just throw away the sd card with your sex tape on it. If you want it gone, properly destroy it. Who knows who will go digging through yall’s trash. 

-Are they communicating? What’s happening. Or their version of communicating.

-These boys always eat seaweed snacks. What would happen if I fed them a cheeto?

-Y’all literally just had an intense fucking session and y’all are shocked by the kiss while eating the seaweed? 

-Caught in the ACT.

-I may or may not be in love with Mangkorn’s mother. Her facial expressions are sending me. I’ve been launched into orbit. I want to go get drinks with this woman. 

-At least they weren’t having sex when she walked in. Can you IMAGINE?

-Y’all really broke everything while fucking. His mom was probably concerned. Probably thought he’d been robbed or was hurt. And she comes home to find y’all kissing over some seaweed.

-BODYGUARDS. They don’t video call from the void like Yai’s father. Seriously. Why did he call from the void?

-The amount I love Park and Pong is absurd.

-None of these three know how to clean. 

-Boy was thinking about dick while eating that corn dog. Horny jail. 

-Oh here comes the drama. It’s payback for making me watch you thinking about dick while eating that corn dog with my own two eye holes . It’s KARMA. 

-Please for the love of god, let Hong be a lesbian. It’s all I want. 

-Mangkorn, let me help you with your words “I do not like Hong. We grew up together and are close. There is some family stuff I need to sort out before I can tell you more, but I don’t like her and she doesn’t like me.” There done. You don’t gotta tell him everything but geez you gotta give him something. He’s an insecure little baby. 

-Is this…communication? 

-This scene is too long. It’s too long of just people standing on talking. 

-They're just hurting each other. But this time with words instead of fists. 

-Oh no. No no no no no no no. You stop that. You put that microphone down. Don’t make me go over there. If you start singing I swear to god

-Yai is such a little drama queen. 

-DO NOT SING. WHY. WHAT DID I DO TO DEAERVE THIS. 

-Fast forwarding is the best thing that’s ever happened.

-You see. This is why you shouldn’t give a drunk person a microphone.

-That caterpillar is so random. 

-Nine is cute. He’s too nice for Yai though. Only Mangkorn for Yai. Only assholes for assholes. 

-This scene is so precious though. Of course Mangkorn is gonna catch them kissing. Are they kissing? Where else would the drama come from? His arranged marriage? No that would be too obvious. 

-End of episode. Next week looks promising. Love that for us. 

#big dragon #big dragon the series #big dragon bl #i really didn't expect to love this show so much but here i am

[benbamboozled]

Okay as someone who only tangentially knows about nightwing, I enjoyed the grayson series. I'm a whole-ass lesbian but watching him walk shirtless through a desert carrying a baby? I suddenly understood the whole "being straight" thing. Grayson cured my heterophobia lololol.

ANYWAYS it seems like you've actually read other nightwing comics so I was wondering what your take on the grayson series is? Is it OOC? If not, do you have any other comic recs where I can 👀 that 🍑?

Lol I actually haven’t read Grayson! Because…lol, okay, THIS IS STUPID I AM FULLY AWARE OF THAT, but because I resent the idea that Dick Grayson needed a series where he’s ALSO a super cool hot spy who’s a badass hot spy. ~~~OOOOH GOOD FOR YOOOOOU!!!!~~~

(Yes this is one of my personal foibles, sometimes I resent things for existing because I am odd and petty.)

I’ve thought about reading it for The Pretty, but I know certain fandom circles are, uh…less than enthusiastic about it, and certain other character fans are less than enthusiastic about it (*cough* Midnighter), so I just haven’t decided that I’m open to potentially being grumpified in favor of The Pretty yet.

Basically, I absolutely cannot speak on how IC or not it is. 🙃 I do know that I’ve read two things by Tim Seeley—one I like that a lot of people don’t (Robins) and one that was ABSOLUTELY ATROCIOUS LIKE TERRIBLE ON EVERY POSSIBLE LEVEL GAG VOMIT UGGGHHHH (Countdown to the Wedding: Red Hood vs Anarky—do not punish yourself with this it is so bad).

Sooooo I have no idea what that says about whether or not I’d appreciate Grayson!

Honestly, though, my Dick Grayson absorption is all over the map, so I’m not so much a great person to give recs I think.

Like, my foundational Dick run (hm) was Devin Grayson’s Nightwing run and, uh, that run is CONTROVERSIAL (to put it mildly), for some reasons that I agree with and some that I don’t. It also left me with a…very particular set of preferences when it comes to Dick Grayson In Comics.

(You know how 1984 starts with “imagine a boot stamping on a human face—forever”? Yeeeeeahhhh.)

If you’re in just for the pretty, the current Nightwing run—Leaping Into the Light (kind of a soft-reboot of the premise starting with #78 of the 2016 run)—is REALLY gorgeous. Like…wow. Not so much on a beefcake level necessarily, but like…gorgeous man f-i-n-g-e-r-s-t-r-i-p-e-s acrobatics long legs strong back mmmmmmmm. (I cannot be more coherent than that, just…guh.)

(I do NOT keep up with this book for the plot. The plot is…sigh. Lackluster. And the characterization is…kind of generic. AND IT TOOK NIGHTWING #93—A CONTROVERSIAL YET IMO GROUNDBREAKING ISSUE—AND BASICALLY RE-DID IT IN A WAY I FIND FRANKLY PRETTY OFFENSIVE BOTH TO STORYTELLING IN GENERAL AND THE WAY IT TREATED THE ISSUES ORIGINALLY HANDLED IN THE COMIC. ANYWAY like I said, I’m shallow and into it for the pretty pictures. Also it’s DC, and my evergreen tag “comics are bad and I hate them” is evergreen for a reason.)

I’m certain that other people who follow me have better recs/suggestions, so if anyone who follows me has insight on Grayson or feelings about good Nightwing runs for (*cough*) 🍑-purposes and wants to chime in, feel free! Reblog, reply, whatevs!

(Just, you know…if you have STRONG feelings, try to remember the “don’t yuck someone’s yum” principle. Criticism/analysis+discussion is great, but I try to keep things not suuuuper OTT negative. I don’t want anyone to feel bad about liking things.)

(No yucking anyone’s yum unless it’s Tim Seeley writing Red Hood vs. Anarky. I will never be nice about that comic and nobody can make me.)

Hopefully you’ll get some better info, anon!

#ask answered #in a very roundabout and rambling way that boils down to ‘I don’t have a good answer’ sigh. #Dick Grayson #Nightwing #i have seen some panels of RiC gRaYsOn that have made me Intrigued (tm) ngl. #i am a shallow beast at heart. #hopefully some of these words were useful. #god Bruno Redondo…I resent your eye for aesthetics because otherwise I could just look away.

[beachesgetpeaches]

Re: your post on Matty Healy/Taylor Swift.

She platformed him at her concert. She platformed a person who gets off on watching woc being brutalised and thinks nazi jokes are funny. This is not about parasocial relationships. Wouldn’t you be outraged if she invited Donald Trump on stage? A man that believes some of the audience don’t deserve human rights. It’s the same to thing.

Disagreeing with who she gives platform to and pointing your outrage in the right direction is different. I think people who are hurt by this, their feelings are valid, but people have put their actions towards performative activism imo.

Asking for Taylor to address the concerns publicly doesn't actually do anything. It is at its core performative, would be done to appease and calm the masses.

Do you want to know what is more outrageous? That multiple threads and videos and posts name the specific porn site directly. That buzzfeed and (more than likely) other sources have named the site thus making sure everyone knows how to get to it. The right course of action would have been to band together in all of the Swift fandom numbers, and decide to take this site down - find out where to write emails, who to contact, how to get shit done.

Instead we are crying at Taylor to address shit publicly when even if she agrees thar Matty fucked up on that podcast she is going to talk to him in private.

Sidenote: I did not pick up where he had nazi jokes that were funny so I just want to say that. Don't want people reading this and adding to the list of things without doing any due diligence.

Now onto the part where I will lose you...

I understand being hurt by what has been going around regarding Matty, but I do not believe he is a person who believes that specific groups of people do not deserve to have human rights. That is a very very very loaded statement. And as I've said in that post I think Matty in items brought up (idk if Ive seen everything that people are talking about) can come off as insensitive or ignorant.

The statement "believes people dont deserve basic human rights", and a lot of isms being talked about - for me to be a truly despicable person deserving of this level of hate and vitriol you have to continuously, consistently, purposely, with malicious intent do things over basically your whole career.

I don't think he has done this because if he has then the band would no longer be the band, I don't think they would actually have fans who are still willing to discuss when he is being a dick or whatever (fucking up). I do not think Taylor would associate herself with such a person. Like if he were truly so despicable, then we are basically saying everyone who "hangs out" with him is the same, and to me the proof for that does not exist... so he isn't the fucking devil after all, right?

--

bottom line: I cannot and will not stand behind the god awful hate and treatment of this man online especially when a bit of exploration shows that he stands for the things you are accusing him of. i respect peoples feelings and needs to distance themselves if that makes them feel better, but i cant stand behind these sentiments as I don't think they're "productive". my activism always focuses on what can actually make a change and sending matty healy and his family death threats or saying you hope he ODs is not it. public letters to taylor is not it.

#matty healy #taylor swift #also watched that lengthy interview of his where he idk #he says it in a good way what happens when you are fakous regarding interviews personas and someone will always #idk

[munchflix]

MUNCHFLIX - THE DIRT 1.25

IMDB BLURB: Based on the bestselling autobiography from Mötley Crüe, the film is an unflinching tale of success and excess as four misfits rise from the streets of Hollywood to the heights of international fame.

WARNINGS: Sex, so much sex. Boobs. Graphic depictions of drug use. Horrible 80s hair. Pete Davidson. We’re fucking dumb.

RATING: You don’t know fuckin’ shit about Motley Crue.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this.

Munch: The absolute shit I do for you. This movie had better slap ass because I really don't like Motley Crue and I don't think they're hot and there had better be some shit to make fun of. Like Motley Crue. I really hope I get to make fun of Motley Crue. I'm gonna start right now by making fun of the way they spelled Motley Crue like a bunch of fucking edgelords.

Biscuits "How many calories are in tequila" Horrorslash: where the hell is my shotglass??!? WHOO YEAH BABEY THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! This movie gave Motley Crue a huge resurgence in popularity. Everyone saw it and was like - my poor little meow meows uwu. Like - if by that you mean four feral cats let loose in your house screeching and pissing everywhere then yeah.

M: So we open with a little intro to the 80's and people are fucking and ...squirting...publicly....and I'm about to make Biscuits write this entire thing himself.

B: What did you really expect? Nikki is narrating and he has a sad backstory so everyone gets to slobber over him.

M: I'm not picking sides. I don't think any of them are cute. Why does Nikki's dad look like Charles Manson? He's very mouthy for like....a 10 year old? Nikki cuts his arm with a knife to blame his shit ass mom for it.

B: It is based on a book so it's them retelling their own rock star backstories, so take this with as many inches of dick as we're gonna assign to them. So Tommy gets like 8 and a half and Nikki gets like 3.

M: I'm not gonna ask how you know how big everyone's dick is.

B: These men have shown many parts of themselves. Tommy was naked like 90 percent of the time. Also that was a joke, I’m not even saying it’s accurate.

M: I still don't wanna know. So Frank Jr is now Nikki Sixx because he grew up and shit.

Frank Jr.? But he’s just a little girl!

M: Now Tommy is narrating? He comes from like...super suburban normal life. His family is like super normal and healthy. Except Tommy.

B: Tommy Lee was really attractive when he was young. He's the youngest! Tommy and Nikki meet in a diner and they're like - we should totally be in a band and fuck girls in the vicinity of each other! Or just touch tips. Nikki is like - my new band is gonna be so cool! I'm gonna get like 4 rabid raccoons together and just turn em loose on a stage! They find a guitarist but he's shitty and they hate him.

M: Who's this dude? (Mick Mars, he's gonna be the guitarist.) He doesn't like Tommy's old band, they suck. Mick Mars is a dick, jesus. He's like - I am the best guitarist EVAR.

B: Mick Mars is a better guitarist than most people. I have some respect for him, unlike the other members of the band. He's got ankylosing spondylitis and he can walk in heels and play guitar better than I probably ever will. So the band has picked up an old man with bone disease.

M: That's pretty fucking hardcore tho, no wonder he's such a dick. Chronic pain does shit to a person. They are looking for some random skinny dude with attitude to sing in the band. The requirements are so low here.

B: Tommy is giving off major Bill and Ted vibes.

M: They find what I assume Vince Neil singing at a pool party and they're like - HE IS SURROUNDED BY BABES we must take him. This guy looks nothing like Vince Neil.

People ask me - “What don’t you like about Motley Crue music?” I say, “The sound.”

B: Tommy speaks at 300 words per second. Vince is doing coke with his girlfriend because it was the 80's and everyone did cocaine except Jon Bon Jovi.

M: He's not even a rock star yet. This is the most haphazard getting a band together I've ever heard of. They're just like HEY WE ARE A BAND NOW AND WE'RE GONNA GET SO LAID!

B: Vince's girlfriend is just gonna stand there.

M: She's already trying to manage the band but they're gonna shut her down with the power of BUTTROCK!

B: Tommy Lee has the energy of a crackhead even when he's not high. He's lighting cockroaches on fire with hairspray. Nikki has a whole notebook full of doodles of pentagrams and shitty band names. That's just me. I have that same notebook.

M: Why is Mick the only sane member of this band?

B: He doesn't have the energy to do like all the fucked up shit, he's too tired. Vince looks like 80's coked up hooker barbie.

The bass player is the loser of the band, yes he is - if you don’t believe me, take a look at the one you’re with!

M: I guess they're playing a gig now? Or not. Vince and co are already kicking people's asses before a note has been sung.

B: They're throwing hands. And everyone is like - FUCK YEAH THIS BAND RULES! THEY JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE! I'd like to state for the record that my stenographer is refusing to type out some of the things I am saying. She's becoming more of a lesbian every second.

M: Number 1 - I am not your stenographer. 2 - you can edit in whatever you want but I am typing RIGHT NOW, 3 - I really am. Wtf is going on in the movie?

B: A montage of them doing gigs. That's Pete Davidson! They haven't been signed yet tho so I guess that's where Pete comes in. There's probably gonna be even more sex scenes in this movie.

M: There's already been like four!

B: THICK ASS. I almost put my hands on the table and howled like a wolf.

M: You'll be glad later that I left so many things out. So now Pete is talking to them and there's some chick under the table giving random blow jobs but he doesn't want one.

B: And now more violence!

M: Mick Mars just straight up Deadpools us by talking directly to the camera and he is now my favorite member of Motley Crue, at least in this movie.

He’s hip, he’s cool, he’s 45

B: Nikki doesn’t like Kiss. I like Kiss. Munch doesn't even like Kiss! What DO you like?? What do you listen to that's so great!?? Kate Bush? Bruno Mars or some shit?

M: You need more alcohol. I just don't fuckin' like BUTTROCK.

B: GLAM METAL. Buttrock is deragatory.

M: It's meant to be. Vince is somehow fucking yet another girl. How does he have time in his day for this. Pete talks to the camera and tells us not to leave our girlfriend alone with Motley Crue because they'll fuck her.

B: Probably good advice. Just a bunch of dudes in leather and studs and makeup. Just dudes being guys.

M: It was a very straight thing to do in the 80's.

B: I don't think that's the original track. That's not Vince singing...ugh. (disclaimer: read to the end for the SHOCKING TRUTH!)

M: How you even noticed that...and now for some good old fashioned SATANIC PANIC! And the band comparing how many women they've fucked. Once again Mick proves to be the only human being in the group. Who I think is supposed to be Ozzy in a dress comes around with money sticking out of his ass. Ozzy snorts...ants.

B: And pisses on the concrete. Both seem entirely like something Ozzy would do. Then licks it up. Oh Tommy sounds like he liked that

M: WHY AM I BEING MADE TO WATCH THIS. Ozzy is licking up Nikki's piss now. An aside from Doc says what we're all thinking.

B: Is this the indecent exposure incident??

M: Which one????

B: The one where Tommy was running through a hotel naked and some people got mad about it. And they arrested Mick instead.

M: Doc says they did stupid shit because they were Motley Crue. And now the mud wrestling sequence. 

B: They're acting like Vince was the most horny dude. Maybe he was but like - these other guys are also horny. Vince is like - Sharice you're my girl, move in with me, I won't fuck as many women. I was about to ask how these dudes had the energy to fuck this much but then oh yeah! Cocaine!

They’re soooo together!

M: Tommy is introducing people to his family and new fiancee? He has a few of them. Tommy's mom is SAVAGE. Tommy is coming across like a 12 year old with too much freedom.

B: That is basically accurate. 3 middle school boys and their dad who drinks a lot. 

M: Tommy and his new fiancee are having some...difficulties. 

B: This is not the last time Tommy will hit a woman. He had a bit of a temper.

M: I feel like you don't really need to watch this. You already are like...a Motley Crue historian. 

B: Oh we're just gonna drive drunk and leave Vince's pregnant wife here, I sure hope nothing bad happens! 

M: Oh yeah I forgot Tommy and Heather Locklear were a thing. 

B: "I love you." Tommy Lee to every woman he meets. It's the drummer from Hanoi Rocks in the car with Vince I think. And now death. This really did happen and yes he was drunk and yes that man died. 

M: But it's fine because they're in Motley Crue. 

B: Whoops! Uh oh. Oopsie Daisy. That man is dead. And it's your fault, Vince.

All the girls want to know - who’s the cutest boy on death row?

M: VINCE GETS 30 DAYS FOR MURDERING A DUDE. Wtf. Nikki is very sad that Vince is in jail but it's okay because he's on heroin now and Biscuits is never ever gonna have a heroin addiction because he can't stand needles. 

B: I can't even inject my own testosterone! And that doesn't even have to go into my veins! Vince has returned from uh...killing a guy.

M: Is he sober now?

B: Supposedly. No nevermind he's immediately snorting cocaine. And vomiting.

M: Oh he's snorting smack, no wonder he's sick. Nikki keeps blaming Vince for fucking up the band when he's busy injecting heroin every other scene. And missing repeated calls from his sad mother. Tommy Lee is in love every five minutes in this movie. Vince now has a kid I guess but she doesn't seem to like him much?

B: Well.....Theatre of Pain, are they gonna show Theatre of Pain Tommy Lee because I might have to take a break.

M: That's between you and jesus. Tommy Lee gives a life on the road montage where he shows everyone getting wasted and performing and then getting wasted again. Drink, snort and fuck everything in sight. It's a wonder they lived this long tbh.

B: All four of them are still alive actually!

M: It's honestly a miracle. This is hard to like...narrate because it's so chaotic. It's just like - watching a band go bonkers and slowly self destruct. (disclaimer: read til the end for the SHOCKING TRUTH about why it was so hard to narrate!)

B: That's the beauty of it all! It's 4th of July, we're recording this, well not recording it, but you know. There’s fireworks outside and fireworks on the screen. Nikki has mommy issues! Oh poor little meow meow. Come sit on my lap poor little meow meow!

M: People are gonna take you seriously.

B: I was joking there. Like 70 percent. 80 percent. Oh my god, not in your neck Nikki, ew.

M: I guess Tommy is getting married. Nikki is wasted as fuck.

B: You've got more opportunities Tommy! You'll have several more happiest days of your life! Nikki can't even put his suit jacket on. This your man? This your boy? Somebody come get him. Nikki Sixx did a LOT of heroin.

M: 1000 dollars a day is a lot of heroin.

B: Is this the part where he died?

M: You're the Motley Crue historian.

B: I'm not sure if this is that time when he overdosed or if he's just normal shooting up heroin. Wtf did you give him, I gave him heroin!

M: I'm guessing that's an overdose.

Hey guys...Kyle’s dead!

B: Nikki went to the great beyond! But he came back!

M: This was apparently before naxolo...naxostuff.

B: I think that's just adrenaline. I was happy, but I kept doing heroin! That's how drugs work, kids. Oh my god, they didn't need to show the vein thing more than once.

M: Well it's a good message to kids watching this. Drugs are gross. They will turn you into a bleeding arm gross man-thing. Now they're sober and shit and they hate each other.

B: They can't stand to be around each other when they're not high. They all had massive prima donna egos.

M: Hardly a shock. But they're all good clean boys now. Trying to have family lives and shit. And hating each other. A lot more. Vince is going to be a huge dick about this. He wants to have FUN. I really enjoy's Mick's little asides. He's just kind of in the background with his fucking vodka like - these dudes are all idiots.

B: Vince's wife left him. And he left the band.

M: If Pearl Jam is here their career is almost over anyway.

B: And then the 90's happened! It was a bad time for Motley Crue. Big manly rocker boy egos clash! I don't like you guys anymore! We're gonna get a new singer! John uh....Corabi. But they don't have a blonde guy anymore so it's never gonna work.

M: You can't have a buttrock band without a blonde guy!

B: Oh yeah Vince's daughter died of cancer, I forgot about that.

M: WHAT. That's super fucked up. Nobody likes new Motley Crue without Vince. He was kinda one of those unique voices. JohnBoy out here like WHOO I'M IN A ROCK BAND! He's about to be so disappointed.

Someone's gonna get a punch in the head. Who d'ya thinks gonna get a punch in the head?

B: There's a whole crowd of people out here booing you!

M: Everything is going to Motley Hell. Vince's kid is dying, Mick isn't looking so hot, Tommy's Heather is leaving him, Nikki is just sulking.

B: Yeah we had a good ride, except for all the drugs and you know...death, and crime...and punishment...Vince's kid, yeah she died. Nikki visits his dad's grave.

M: And meets a half brother he didn't know he had?? What the fuck is this shit

B: Oh he means a FAMILY! He needs a family!

M: His own MOTLEY CREW. NIkki and Tommy make up and touch tips and go out to find Mick who is looking more and more like death warmed over every day. But to be fair, he's got a condition.

B: We're getting the band back together, even though they just broke up. Vince, we love you man. You're our blonde man, man. There may be a million other slutty blonde men out there but you're OUR slutty blonde guy. Sometimes a family is four dudes who do drugs.

M: They're gonna go perform again I guess? Long slow dramatic walk to the stage.

B: Maybe the real treasure...the REAL MOTLEY CRUE is the friends we made along the way! And some tasteful ass shots!

“ One day you’ll look back on this as the best time in your life.” “ I sure hope not!”

M: Priorities. I guess they played together for another 20 years for some fucking reason.

B: Until 2015 but...They're doing a stadium tour like...as we speak.

M: Why. I don't really have anything to add. Biscuits just hurt himself headbanging. Oh my god. I just realized I forgot to turn the speed down and we just watched that entire movie at 1.25 speed. No wonder Tommy Lee was talking so fast.

B: *chokes to death on laughter* I can't believe we did that.

M: That's so fucking funny.

B: It's so on brand. I THOUGHT the songs sounded weird!! Holy fuck, oh my god. I don't even have any closing thoughts now because that's so fucking funny. Closing thoughts: we are two of the dumbest people who've ever lived.

#Motley crue #review #munchflix #the dirt #tommy lee #nikki sixx #vince neil #mick mars #humor #rock and roll #mötley crüe