#marta rumbles poetically

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I find it fascinating that some people think that Roman’s mountain top outburst with Matsson was a fucking business strategy, that it was actually a negotiation tactic. I’m sorry, but did we watch the same scene? Not only did Matsson fuck them over by giving an offer the board absolutely won’t refuse (which shits right on the genius master plan of Kendall taking over Waystar - yet again, for what?), he also pretty clearly blew his lid off. Is revealing all the ways they planned to fuck the deal supposed to be this amazing tactic? Absolutely not. He lost it, it was a culmination of all the grief, all the anxiety, and all the anger at Matsson for dragging them up there days after their father died, and he just fucking erupted. Comparing him to Logan in that moment only matches if you think about Logan fucking losing it and making a stupid decision because he lost his tempter (like his little tantrum after PGN went to shit). I feel like in their world, you’re either an emotional wall or you lose, that’s it. No cards on the table, because you can’t manipulate someone if not only they can clearly see through you, but you also just come out with unhinged monologue, revealing everything (which I’m happy that Roman did it, he needed that catharsis, but also - not a good business move overall). Lucas was not intimidated by Roman, he was amused, he threw more money at them to solidify the deal, because he saw an emotional value ATM holds for them. That’s what the picture from Shiv was about, that was his one big fuck you. In the end of the day, it is a big dick competition.

I also saw some interesting (if only questionable) opinions on Shiv - Matsson stuff. Like yeah, I think girlie was definitely winning this episode, especially when you had her brothers as a comparison, who just stood there with dicks in their hands, looking absolutely clueless half of the time. At this point what is going on between Shiv and Matsson could be considered a mutual symbiosis; they are kind of like two parasites feeding of each other, playing each other off but to the benefit of both of them. But this cannot be long-term, we all know how things go - the closer you get to the sun, the more painful the fall is going to be. Matsson getting Shiv on his side (with quite a lot of enthusiasm on Shiv’s side, she did try to play her own angle all along), is a very easy way of getting himself an insider to the company. It’s also very easy way to take care of Kendall and Roman problem. Shiv has a motivation to stab her brothers in the back, she can sense that she is not being included, and she can very clearly see that her brothers are actually incompetent and don’t have a plan. Which means that Matsson going with “you remind me of your dad” was an extremely good move on his side. It solidified it for Shiv, it literally lifted her of the ground. Because everyone with a pair of working eyes can see that Roy siblings cling to Logan like he’s a raft, and all they want to do is either make daddy proud or be like daddy. For Shiv it’s a compliment of a highest standard to be compared to Logan, because Logan was the big boss, because in the end of the day - Logan always won. They are still playing the same old game, and I’m worrying that it’s about to bring the same results it always brought, just from a different person.

Then again, obviously this show is very highly open to interpretations and I might possibly be giving a bit too much credit to Matsson (in the end of the day he might turn up to be a complete idiot, business-wise, although I doubt it), but that was my overall read on the last episode.

#roman roy #they have no fucking clue what they’re doing #especially ken and roman #i think they are all very clearly getting played by matsson #and its about to turn into a fucking bloodbath #where they stab each other and bring the whole family to ruins #succession #kendall roy #succession hbo #shiv roy #logan roy #lucas matsson #marta rumbles poetically

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I think we can all agree, after this episode, that Roman is going down into incredibly dark spiral, which will only get worse, because he is not processing his grief, like, at all. I think Lukas’s words had to be ringing through Roman’s head this whole episode, when he said that if Logan was here now, he would be embarrassed (disappointed, always fucking disappointed) in what Kendall and Roman are doing with his legacy. It shows in the way that Roman aggressively tries to exert the control over his situation and his self-image, by firing people who he should be keeping close. All because he thinks that this is how his dad would behave, that this is what he would have wanted (and because everyone is seeing him as a failure, as ‘not good enough’ replacement for Logan, as a joke that he always was and always will be). There is a clear disconnect between his actions and his emotions, and everything in-between is just a dull afterimage of repressed guilt, and grief, and loss that he cannot possibly overcome. He is trying to regain power, even though he doesn’t want it, even though it was drilled into him that he can only be happy when all his control is taken away from him.

Roman does have lucid moments throughout this episode, where he realises that he pushed too far and made a mistake, but he doesn’t have the support that he needs to reel him back from the downward spiral of self-destructive power trips. Kendall is too wrapped up in his own manic sense of grandiosity, whereas Shiv attempts to keep herself from being pushed away from the business, by manipulating the situation to retain the sense of control. And Roman is left by himself in this sense of loss, where the only person who made him validated was gone forever; where he will never be able to get the same feeling of approval that only Logan was able to grant him. His sun is gone, and he is left stranded in the darkness, freezing in his own shame and self-hatred and sense of inadequacy. Roman Roy always gets it wrong.

The crucial problem is that Roman is never going to be able to comfortably emulate Logan. He is too guided by his emotions, too attached to the concepts of love and family, that the vulnerability that is an integral part of who he is, usually ends up being his downfall. His hurt feelings are always going to take the front seat, and guide his actions straight into self-destruction. In this episode, both of his attempts to imitate his dad ended with frenzied firing, and committing really two cardinal mistakes, one of them definitely bigger than the other. But most importantly, each time he did it, you could see a certain twitchiness about Roman (which was always there, like a background noise that could be easily missed if it wasn’t ringing so loudly), how his body inadvertently knows that this behaviour doesn’t fit, that it’s not really who he is, that he cannot possibly be a killer, when he spent so much of his life balancing on the edge of the knife. How his upbringing caused him to mistake abuse for love, to the point when he seeks that sense of degradation and shame as the only ways to reach fulfilment. To make him whole. Without Logan, Roman is just a landfill of shattered pieces, a puppet with his strings cut off, breaking at the seems. From episode to episode that grief for all he has lost, and for all he will never be able to get, keeps pouring out, and I don’t know how long it will be until there is nothing left to give.

#im scared for my boy #I don’t think he is going to survive this #i think there is nothing left for him now that Logan is gone #and maybe the only thing that is keeping him from fully falling off the edge is his relationship with siblings #but we know that is also about to implode #and what then? #im scared honestly #episode 8 is looking to be a trauma central #succession #roman roy #succession hbo #kendall roy #shiv roy #kieran culkin #succession spoilers #logan roy #marta rumbles poetically

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Look, I am happy to see sibs together, honestly. Actually, the fact that they managed to have a relatively civil conversations throughout the episode was pretty remarkable ( especially considering the sabotage and back-stabbing eleganza from previous seasons). But even though it seems like they are all nice and cozy, their ingrained sibling dynamics remain the same. It’s really not that surprising that, even though technically everything changed for them (their positions, their relationship with each other, and their relationship with Logan), things also consistently remain the same. Kendall and Shiv still team up against Roman, because this is what they’ve always done. I don’t think it happens consciously, I really don’t think they are menacing in their intentions, but the force of habit is strong on this one. You can kinda see how throughout this episode the light is slowly fizzling out of Roman’s eyes. Every time he’s outvoted, he looks more and more dejected and it doesn’t surprise me. The deal was that they are supposed to be the team, that they are supposed to consider his opinion and not push him aside. But even though Logan is temporarily somewhat removed from the picture, the impact that he left behind continues to control their interactions. Dog cages, remember? The pack and their weakest link.

At the same time, Shiv is also completely correct about Roman being defensive mostly because he is dreading the impending confrontation with Logan. He only really stood up to him once, and that was by the skin of his teeth. For fuck sake, he was using his love as a bargaining chip, that was the level of desperation he reached last time. Do you think he will really manage to pull the same stunt again? Logan will see the hesitation, will catch Roman’s self-destructive needs for love and approval and twist it for his own benefit. And Roman will cave, because the doors to the dog cage might be wide open, but he never really left. He is clearly scared that this fight with Logan (that got imposed on him, by the way) will end up with him chocking on the leash. And he will love how it burns.

(Also the promo for the new episode and him comparing himself to John Lennon has a two-fold meaning considering what happened to John, and I feel something bad is going to happen)

#this show puts my brain into meat grinder #succession #roman roy #succession hbo #shiv roy #kendall roy #logan roy #marta rumbles poetically #succession spoilers

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I can’t stop think about how Roman is permanently locked in the state of being a child. They all are, really, but I think in some way it’s really visibly reflected in how Roman craves his parents love, his siblings acceptance; how he goes and checks whether they’re okay, how it clearly hurts him when they continue to treat him like a moron, like a spare. It’s in the way he is still that kid that got beat by his dad, and then made feel like he deserved that to happen. How it was him being annoying that got him to be smacked around. And he fully believes it now, you can hear it in every self-deprecating joke he says, and in the way his face takes on this dejected look whenever he is described as a ‘moron’, or as a ‘ruthless fuck, who will do whatever it takes’. Roman intimately knows that there is something wrong with him, that the fact that he was put in the cage at the age of 4 and treated like a dog must mean there is something awfully, inherently wrong with him. And that he deserves to be punished for it.

Roman is still a child and like a child he accepts any form of love he is given. He will accept even the most pathetic and small excuse of affection, and he will treasure it. It will be enough. Connor said that he is a “plant that grows on rocks and lives on insects”, but I think that is also the same for Roman. There is nothing to feed off in the Roy family, the limited resources of affection tossed out for the sake of the next opportunistic business deal. But unlike Connor, who learned to accept it, learned to anticipate the coldness and ignore the pain, Roman begs for it. Like the abuse he went through was not enough. Like it doesn’t fully matter that he will hurt later on, if he can feel the warmth of attention right now. He will come back after being kicked, over and over again, because that is how love works in his head. Love is pain, and love is humiliation, and that is the love he deserves. Because there is something wrong with him.

#another brain rot about roman before new episode comes out #i did not have enough brain power to analyse everything in the last episode #currently struggling with two opposing hyperfixations #they are both painful #(the second one is house md btw and imagine how house’s psychology fucks me up) #but anyway #marta rumbles poetically #succession #roman roy #succession hbo #connor roy

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Roman listening to that video of Logan over and over again is such an interesting portrayal of trauma bond towards an abusive parent. Because even though the video is altered in the way that offends him, it’s still his dad. It’s still his voice, saying his name. It’s that familiarity of the intermittent cycle of abuse and love, humiliation and pride; push and pull that was always a constant in Roman’s life. He will keep his hands on the burning stove, until his skin peels off, until he is down to the bones and he can finally feel something through this pain; something that maybe sometimes meant love.

#i worry that Roman might be willing to follow Logan even into his death #because people don’t really change #and there is nothing left for him in life #he is forever deemed to sit at his fathers feet #succession #roman roy #kieran culkin #succession spoilers #succession hbo #logan roy #marta rumbles poetically

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I think that Logan passing away pushed the siblings into this frenzy to keep things in control, especially when there was nobody left to control them. That additional power that they have never possessed is as intoxicating, as it is blinding. They get so overwhelmed by it, that they end up committing mistake after mistake, where they might have otherwise be reeled back by Logan. They don’t actually know what they’re doing, there is no direction, especially that the only person who could validate their win, who would solidify their place as the number 1 child is gone. The only reason to remain in the game is to keep their control, to give themselves something to do, because in the end of the day - what are they without this constant chase of the unattainable?

How all the siblings are essentially children locked away in adult bodies. The foundation of their behaviour revolves around the trauma that they sustained during childhood, and because none of their issues got solved at any point when they grew up, they are still stuck in this naive, self-absorbed child-like state. The constant grievances, finger pointing, the “let’s start a new game where you can’t say no”. How they still believe that they are locked in the cage and their dad expects them to fight, to win, to be the top dog. Logan Roy continues to loom over his children even beyond his grave, stronger than ever, because now that they’ve lost their biggest, common opponent, they can only make enemies of each other.

#now the only thing they can do is to tear each other apart #for the sake of the throne that was never really their to take #the king is gone and the bloodbath have only began #im insane about these people #the absolute trauma #im living for it #succession #succession hbo #roman roy #kendall roy #shiv roy #succession spoilers #logan roy #succession season 4 #marta rumbles poetically

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I’m honestly so proud of Roman in this episode. He looked fucking terrified the entire time, much more scared than Shiv or Kendall who stood calmly against Logan, willing to shot him down, bury him alive. But Roman was shaking in his shoes, and you can see which way the abuse went in their family, the physical abuse, if so much as his fathers’ presence could force a grown man to completely retreat into himself. And the fact that Logan tried to reason with him, just him alone, tried to offer sugar-coated promises, proves that he knows that Roman is the weakest link, he is the most scared, the easiest to break apart. I’m honestly blown away by the way writers and actors portrayed family dynamics in such clear, yet subtle way. So yeah, I’m proud that regardless of the fear, Roman managed to stay by his siblings. And maybe it was their presence that worked the spell, maybe it’s the knowledge that they have his back in this, that right now, they are a team. Hell, who knows, maybe Kendall’s presence during vote of no confidence would have changed the whole outcome. At the end of the day, Roman needs someone behind who he could cower, someone to shield him, protect him, because he was never given the luxury of safety; that need is at the core of his character.

I’m literally never recovering from this episode.

#just another blah blah blah about succession #because im still shattered #and its still swirling in my head #succession #roman roy #succession hbo #marta rumbles poetically

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It’s interesting how this season kinda built up to Roman ultimately falling apart. Not in the same way that Kendall did, we saw Kendall drowning for more than two seasons now, there was visceral chain of events to his behaviour. I feel like this whole season Roman was slowly going towards the high that came from Logan’s approval, maybe for the first time feeling like a number 1 child, with Shiv failing to assert her position, and Kendall blowing up his own path, excluded from family’s inner circle. Roman was always the weakest link, always the one that needed supervision or training, who needed to be scolded and controlled to not fuck up the deal. But everything suddenly flipped and he was making deal, after deal, after deal bringing more people to Logan’s table and he could feel the approval, the supposed love; he was finally trusted, seen. He was flying so close to the sun, he mistook burning for warmth.

But as he was closing in on his position, he also became more boastful, arrogant, his jokes nastier and more cutting. Not to mention the level of incest and sexual jokes. It felt like he was trying to absorb all the attention that he could, positive or not, and finally scream that he wins, that in the end this moron, weakest dog is closer to the top that any of siblings could ever imagine. I feel like the amount of delusion that he was showing was painfully visible both to the viewers, but also other characters; Kendall repeating to him “You are not a real person”. I think he wasn’t, and it started to slowly pour out, the moment he slipped, the moment his arrogance took control, and he stopped being cautious. One misstep and it was enough for Logan to be sure that Roman is still nothing more than a little pervert, and a good attack dog to use to his advantage. But not the heir.

So him starting to show more and more emotions towards the end of 3x09 was literally him falling down the sky. Bargaining his love for Logan, pleading, trying to use something that he always hoped was there, that all this abuse, and humiliation, and pain had some reason, was coming from some place of care. But it wasn’t , it never did, and apart from losing 3 people that he stupidity cared about so much, he also lost his goal that was driving him for years. He lost the illusion that he used like a shield, treated like a smoke mirror against the truth. And both Shiv and Kendall, and even Connor already understood that truth, they already made peace with it, but Roman never did, it never occurred to him. He was used and abused by Logan, but he was also taught that loyal dog comes back, that there will be consequences otherwise, that he will feel cold without the approval that Logan could give. Trauma bonding and emotional dependence on someone who sees emotions as weakness.

I saw someone writing about how Roman had to stifle these emotions, while also being probably the most sensitive out of all Roy’s. Had to push it down and reconfigure his whole persona to fit into Logan’s vision, to be more like him. But it was never meant to stay for long, it never did. So seeing him finally break down a bit was almost cathartic, like it was long time coming, and he had to finally hit the ground, like all his siblings did, going over their heads and trying to measure to the sun.

#im actually quite high #so im rumbling about roman #because feels #im probably way too over my head with his character #and reading into it too much #but i like to keep this version in my head #it makes it for more compeling angst and meow meow scenarios #plus im also high so being too poetic comes as a package deal #but j do have a lot of thoughts about him #and i would love to pick his brain #because its fascinating #psychologically #psych major here can you guess #succession #roman roy #succession hbo #marta rumbles poetically

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The fact that Roman has been met with three constituent heartbreaks in the span of 10 minutes, all from people he so devoutly and stupidity cares about, it just breaks me. He pulled out his dumb, little heart, ripped it out of his chest, right there and then, and said “that is all I’ve got, I have no ammunition, no leverage, I can only give you love” and they all just stomped on it. Left it in the bloody mess on the floor, next to his folded body. Because all of that didn’t matter, it never mattered, regardless of how much he hoped it will be worth it. The fact that he really tried so damn hard for his dad to see him, to appreciate him, to treat him as something more than a weak dog attached to the leash. The fact that he took all the shit that was thrown his way and scoffed at it, laughed it off, pretended as if it was nothing, because he still believed, deep inside, that it came from a place of twisted love. Stupid little Roman, runt of the litter, family private clown. Idiot who convinced himself that the shit that his parents served him is actually a chocolate cake.

How long he could keep pretending that he was not a real person, that nothing significant could touch him if he just kept the shrapnel screwing a hole in his mind below the surface? Disillusionment and repression, and joke, after joke, after joke. It doesn’t matter because nobody can differentiate between the truth and a lie, and if they don’t know that something is wrong, then nothing is wrong, not really. He thought that he could pace through all of this, full of mockery and false bravado, the act he trained for his entire life. But every string pulled way too strongly, for way too long, is bound to finally snap.

I feel like Roman has this special kind of self-loathing that fuels him to be who he is. To keep the facade up, to keep the show going, but whenever someone openly talks about him having a problem, you can see the crack in the surface; hatred pouring out in streams. It screams lack of control, his elaborate stories not enough to cover up the shitshow of reality. Because he can bullshit his way about how much he drowns in pussy, how everyone wants to fuck him, but the matter of fact is that none of it is true. He can’t do it, not like Kendall does, like Shiv, both Connor and his father seemingly more capable in that regard that he ever was. I’m wondering why he finds pleasure in humiliation, is it just another fetish or the fact that only when he feels degraded and powerless he can experience anything, any sort of pleasure. Reality that he is nothing more than a worthless failure making him drunk and dizzy, because it’s the closest to the truth he can get, thats what’s real, thats what makes him a real person. Equating love with pain, the only kind he ever knew.

#if you can see im still very much into my roman shit talk #i should just go for it and write fanfiction #at this point there is so much material #i could make it a real angst #so much potential for psychological horror #anywho #he makes me feel things #im absorbing the trauma like a sponge #succession #roman roy #succession hbo #marta rumbles poetically

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Roy siblings blocking their guilt by constantly saying things like “He enjoyed it”, “He loves it”, “He will laugh about it later”. The way they all dive into delusion by convincing themselves and others that their trauma and the harm done to their siblings wasn’t real. It was all a game, it’s funny, they wanted it. It’s like they leave it hanging in their subconsciousness, just below the water, keep it safe so it doesn’t touch the surface, because they know that if it comes pouring out, it will be disastrous.

#succession #roman roy #succession hbo #kendall roy #shiv roy #roy siblings #marta rumbles poetically

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What gets me every time is how each of Roy siblings latch onto Logan’s approval and faux affection as if it’s last ounce of oxygen they could get. Literally like it’s their lifeline, and it gets them into his trap every.fucking.time. His abuse and narcissistic parenting twisted their idea of what love should look like in such a persistent way that when they are met with actual affection they don’t know what to do with it. Because for them love is a game, it’s a competition and everything they experienced made them eerie, because they know that when it comes to their father - they always lose. I feel like this lack of power, complete lack of control makes them seek it, or makes them force the complete detachment from it.

Shiv restores her power dynamics by treating Tom like he is lesser than her; Logan’s misogyny and lack of acknowledgment of her as a capable person and equal to her brothers makes her seek (and abuse) this power in her marriage. But she also wants to be loved, wants to be able to have someone that could actually emotionally respond to her, but who isn’t carrying her family’s forsaken genes that make them all cold and repressed and so detached from everyone else.

Kendall detaches himself completely, almost subconsciously ignoring the problem at hand, removing himself from himself. It’s drugs, and parties, and completely new personality of a liberal voice for women. It’s manic ups and downs, because he can’t defeat this lack of control that he constantly feels from his father, who is like a looming shadow, always hanging over him, pushing him aside but also keeping the leash tight.

Roman seems like he wants to remove himself from control, like he is so used to being berated and humiliated, that he seeks that familiarity, there is a certain level of warmth to the burn that they bring him. He is like a push and pull, afraid of intimacy, but also intensely seeking love and affection of those who would never give it to him. There is almost a childlike feature in the way he naively believes that his parents can do no wrong, that one pat on the head is worth being constantly kicked around.

It’s how Logan has persistently been using emotional and physical abuse against his children for literal decades. He created adults that have emotional capacity of a child, incapable of regulating or actually understanding their own, and other’s emotions. They are so desperate for love and affection that they are ready to tear each other apart and cross all the lines in order to get it. And it’s worth jack shit. It’s all a game, and the rules keep changing, and only Logan knows what they are. So they will always lose.

#im yet again high and rambling #hello ladies and gentlemen i woke up today and decided to be in emotional pain #you have no idea how family dynamics hurt me in this show #like i can feel the pain #im experiencing intense shrimp emotions #i just want to give them a hug #like i know they are awful people #but like they also make me cry #so yeah #marta rumbles poetically #shit just realised i forgot about connor #i love you connor forgive my stoned brain #but also you are more detached from family honey #roman roy #shiv roy #kendall roy #logan roy #connor roy #succession #successionhbo #succession rumble

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There is something about the striking opposites in the way Logan and Caroline are as people, that had to be terribly confusing to all Roy sibling as children. Because Logan is this huge looming presence, scary animal that can rip your head off without any warning and for absolutely no reason. Everyone is scared of him, his demeanour full of anger and violence, a ticking bomb that could annihilate you without batting an eye. We know that there was some sort of physical abuse going on, at least towards Roman, but apart from that his emotional manipulation and constant humiliation of his children, let to their unhealthy yearning for approval. All they want to be, is daddy’s favourite, whether it’s from fear or deeply dysfunctional love, or the combination of both, they choose him over anyone else.

Caroline, on the other hand, is cold and detached. All she gives is a complete emotional frostbite. They are there, and I guess it’s fine for her, as long as they don’t bother her with pointless conversations about their feelings. She wants their company, yeah, but she doesn’t see them as an extension of her; she might have given birth to them, but that is all she would be willing to provide. There is no empathy or willingness to show care for any of the emotional needs they have. She creates an absence, leaving them all with the feeling of abandonment. She knows she shouldn’t have been a mother, she knows she would rather take care of dogs than children. Because dogs don’t expect that much.

So all they had were two parents that run hot and cold, two far ends of a spectrum. Nobody to get comfort from, nobody really to rely on. It’s honestly no surprise to anyone that they turned out trying to bend reality to their will, forcing themselves and others to believe in their delusional, dreamy world of how great they are, how well they are doing. King, girlboss, and a sex machine. Everything else, everything remotely close to the truth, just shove it into the corner, into this inter dimensional pocket hidden deeply in the universe, and forget about it.

But the fact is, that behind the smoke mirror they are just locked into the constant state of being a kid, with two terrible parents, with siblings who were forced to be their rivals. Every man for themselves.

#i have so many thoughts #roman roy #kendall roy #shiv roy #logan roy #caroline collingwood #succession #succession hbo #marta rumbles poetically

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Thinking about how often the thought of what the fuck is wrong with me? crosses Roman’s mind. He plays the big game, but its never enough, he can never be enough in his father’s eyes; not as himself, not as who he assumes he is. Because that version is too soft, too stupid, either too much or not enough; weaker dog surrounded by the pack of wolves. And there is only one way to the top, but then they say he isn’t real, he is not a real person, he is crossing the line, but there was no line for anyone else, there was no line to cross when it came to him. He is not a real person, because if he was, they would finally have to acknowledge the trauma, and abuse, and the boot shoved in his face at every given occasion . But in reality, he is just as important as some random service boy sinking at the bottom of the lake. Just as brushed aside as all the women groped during cruises. He is not even a victim; blank name on the police statement; no real person involved.

But if he is not real, then why can’t he just be with the person; all these women, each more beautiful than the other, and he can’t stand the thought of them. He can’t even will himself to get hard, his body freezing when they say that they’re so fucking wet for him. Disgust folding in his stomach, when the touch becomes too much. If he is not real, then why humiliation feels so much better than love. Warmer, almost familiar; the only constant that he knew in his life. And he craves it; in the sick, disgusting way he craves to be back in that dog pound; squirming underneath Kendall’s gaze, way too young to fully understand what this game was. He loved it, and he hates it, and deep inside he wishes he was just a normo; another boring, white man boning his wife in missionary position.

But he is not real, maybe he never was, maybe all of that, is a nightmare, an illusion; someone else’s cracked reflection, too muddled to be worthy of a repair. Maybe he can equal love with subordination, his shadow kneeling at the foot of the power; always following, but never quite there.

Maybe if he reaches the sun, and he crashes and burns, and falls into pieces, he can at least say, that it was real.

#okay so im high #and still thinking about roman roy #that is supposed to be a meta narrative introspective bullshit #if i tried more i might have made jnto longer fanfiction character study piece #but oh well #i just have so many thoughts about him #i also crave angst #roman roy #succession #succession hbo #kieran culkin #succession meta #hbo succession #kendall roy #roy siblings #marta rumbles poetically

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I'm still thinking way too much about Roman in the last episode, I absolutely hated his behaviour throughout, it made me feel painfully uneasy, like watching a disaster happening right in front of my eyes, but not being able to witness the resolution. It almost felt like a cocaine-induced manic behaviour, like he was constantly laughing, and smiling, but he didn't look happy. Like am I insane to say this, or did he actually looked more stressed and wound up, just going at everything with a full speed, to force that happiness for others to see. Roman in this episode was so painfully different towards his siblings than he usually is, it was like he was trying to forcefully do everything in his power to make them hate him, just so he could keep doing what he's doing for the firm. Because I think it can be either his family or his position, he can't have both. Because when he tried, he was too soft, and cared too much, and didn't want to burn any of them strongly enough for it to be fatal. And he has to be a killer. In order for Logan to see him as anyone worth his attention, he has to be able to put away his feelings, to forget about them, bury them away. So I think, the way to do it, is to push everyone away.

And the line "You are not a real person" just hit me with a full force of a truck. He is not real, the dog pound wasn't real, of course he enjoyed it, because he was always fucked up, even when he was four, he wanted to be put there and eat dog food, and be kept on the leash. His dad punching him didn't happen, it wasn't real, because if Logan only knew that Roman was there, he would have never done that, it's not like him to do that. Of course he enjoys his siblings laughing at his sexual dysfunction, because it's funny, it's only jokes, and he loves it, will jerk off about it later. He is not a real person, because nobody ever treated him like a real person. He is a dog in a cage, and fucked up freak who enjoys being degraded, laughing his way through the molestation jokes and his insecurities, and the abuse, because if he can laugh it off then it didn't actually happen. Then it's not real.

Roman is a distorted reflection of what a person should be, and that reflection is a creation of everyone around him telling him that he should never cross the line, that he has a role to play and that role was always of a fuck up son, moron and a clown of a family. Glaring mommy and daddy issues, and a COO who cannot fuck. The one who will never ascend the throne, because he is just too stupid to see the gaps in his plans. Because all of that are the attempts to get at least some sort of love from his dad and it's sad and pathetic, and so typical of Roman.

So I guess, in this episode, he is going head first at it, using all these things against his siblings, just diving in into the fact that nothing about him is real, so he might as well burn everything around him. He is using all these deeply bitting jabs, knows where to cut people close to him, so it stings. Like he can say all these stuff but it still comes out manic, and almost desperate, like "look at me, look at me, I'm finally doing something worthy, I'm finally being a killer, and maybe dad will finally love me."

And we all know that this high will be short lived, because he IS a real person, and he is getting too close to the sun, and he will get burned very soon, and the fall will be ugly, and real, and probably painful in the way that he is not going to be able to process.

#this post is way to long #im spiralling about Roman #once Roman apologist always a Roman apologist #but in all honesty #I'm not even trying to excuse his behaviour #it's just sad #and painful to watch #I keep having these haunting thoughts #that for some reason Roman is going to be the one to die #but probably not #but he will probably have to deal with someone else dying #and I doubt he will deal well with that #roman roy #kendall roy #succession hbo #succession #shiv roy #kieran culkin #succession spoilers #marta rumbles poetically

[murdererofthumbs]

After the episode of heartfelt siblings reunion, I really hope it will persevere in season 4. I really need them to finally start getting the idea that, at the end of the day, the only people who will ever truly understand them, are the people who went through the exact same shit. That being a byproduct of this toxic family doesn’t always have to end up in a bloody competition where you can only win when you have the bodies of your siblings under your shoes. They saw that they can never succeed, that to Logan, love and family, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day, he fucking wins, and that’s all that counts. Him on the throne, one way or another, having them all on the leash, locked in the cage, jumping at each other throats. Well-trained attack dogs, ready to protect him, ready to fight for affection that is nothing more than smartly crafted manipulation. I need them to understand that it’s not fucking worth it, because no matter what they do, how far they go, and how much they sacrifice, it will never be enough; not to Logan, not to Caroline, not to anyone who stood by their fathers side all these years and willingly turned a blind eye on kids being abused and traumatised. They should start fucking trusting each other, be a team, and cut Logan once and for all, no regrets. Because he never regretted anything that he have done to them.

#i have a lot of feels about sibs #roman roy #shiv roy #kendall roy #succession #succession hbo #succession spoilers #marta rumbles poetically

[murdererofthumbs]

The funny (not funny) thing about this whole episode is that Logan was right; business-wise that deal was the most logical solution to the problem they had. It maybe wasn't right how he went about this, of course it was filled with abusive behaviour, because it's still Logan, but at the end of the day he did what he had to do. He told them exactly that. The truth is, none of his kids are fit to run the company, they don't have it in them to focus for long enough to actually pull through. They think only in present-oriented way, it's about the short-term solution to short-term problems, it's about the game, it's about who can outrun the other person in the most cutting way possible. But they can't seem to understand that their actions activate a domino-like chain of events, that things they say, things they do might, at some point, resurface and bite them in the ass. It is, of course, partly due to the trauma they experienced in their life, this kind of "think on your legs" thinking, when you don't really have time to ponder the consequences for long-enough, because hits are coming your way and if you're not quick enough, it would end up in bruising and tears. But in business, when the billion-dollar company is at stake, this kind of behaviour just won't work. And I think the siblings were so focused on themselves, on their own drama and petty fights, that they lost the sight of a bigger picture, of other people lurking from the shadows and actually doing what they had to do. Shiv was so preoccupied with fishing for daddy's approval, with thinking that she can outmanoeuvre everyone, including her husband, she forgot that Tom is not her. He was never in the same position as her or her siblings, he wasn't conditioned since childhood to be a dog that comes back to his master after being kicked multiple times. She underestimated him, and he used that opportunity to shove the knife back at her in the most killer-Logan fashion possible. The people who came on top this episode, and this whole season, were people who kept doing what they were supposed to be doing, who stayed in the shadows, waiting for their time, because they planned and they listened and they've learned on their own, and others, mistakes. Roy siblings never learned anything.

#succession #roman roy #kendall roy #succession hbo #shiv roy #logan roy #tom wambsgans #succession spoilers #marta rumbles poetically