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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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AITA for being frustrated with my dad's procrastination and finally calling him out on it?

I (25 f) live with my dad (50ish? Too mad at him rn to check, m) because of mental illness rendering me unable to work due to lack of treatment, until now.

Recently, after I had to be taken to the emergency room for a ruptured ovarian cyst that I'd needed checked out for years prior to it popping, I decided on a whim to bring up my mental illness during the follow-up with my doctor, which put me on a very fast track to getting diagnosed with severe ADHD and prescribed medication (more specifically 5 mg of Adderall twice daily). And let me tell you, holy shit, it was like a miracle, I didn't even know medication could act that fast.

Well, long story short, it fixed my time blindness and made me consciously aware of my dad's long-standing bad habit of perpetually putting things off until "next weekend", affecting several major things both recently and not, including my ovarian cyst that I knew I had for years but couldn't go to the doctor for on my own because my car was perpetually in use by my sister or broken down, picking up my prescribed medication for said ovarian cyst because my car broke down ages ago and he never taught me to drive a stick, fixing my car or paying someone to do it for that matter (I can't afford it on my own), teaching me to drive in the first place when I came of driving age, my prior autism diagnosis (which itself took years to ever get done), several attempts at homeschooling that fell apart because we both forgot about it simultaneously, at least one broken bone that I can remember, and yes, the ADHD that I could only get diagnosed because I piggy backed off of an actual medical emergency.

Needless to say, I am not happy about that, so with my new executive function in hand, I confronted him. I basically laid out that I didn't think it was normal to procrastinate that badly for years and that he should consider getting evaluated for ADHD too because it's hereditary and I had to get it from somewhere, and added that if they put him on Adderall too it might help him write his book.

However, my dad accused me of talking like an addict (it's only day 2) and threatened to call the doctor and make him change the dose or take me off Adderall (my dad can't do that and I'm contractually obligated to stop him if he tries). When I pointed out that the dose I was given isn't even remotely enough to cause an addiction this early and that it felt like he was upset with me for being able to confront him now, he told me to back off and that I was acting like a jerk, and he demanded I talk with my doctor about alternatives (my doctor very specifically had me start on Adderall because he didn't think anything else would be effective--and given my understanding is that the alternatives would make every other brain function as bad as my memory and executive function so they're not as bad in comparison and not even fix the lethargy and excessive sleeping, uh, I think I agree). Note, he doesn't usually act like this at all.

I know that Adderall's side effects include irritability and I've always been bad at self-evaluation when I'm mad, so I've decided to take to the Internet to ask--aita?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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lostryu · 5 months

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If it s a minor med, how do you know they won’t call the cops? I don’t really trust services like that.

i literally accidentally took my gfs adderall, a highly controlled substance. they didn’t question shit about if it was intentional or not, they just asked me my age, weight, possible health conditions, time of ingestion, zip code, number, and name.

the first four is so they can calculate a toxic dose, or if you’ll have an adverse reaction in general. the fifth is to locate a hospital to call (if you need it) so in the event whatever you ingested knocks you out, or if you are unable to drive/have someone drive you, you can still get medical care.

i was asked my first/last name, but they honestly didn’t ask for anything else, and i could’ve given a fake one if i wanted. they don’t check. your number is so they can keep checking in on you as needed. in my case it was 2 times throughout the stages of uptake of adderall into my brain to make sure that i didn’t go manic or get seratonin syndrome at the peak of effectiveness. each call was like 2-3 minutes and they were very sweet.

i understand not trusting a lot of medical places (i’ve been there) but i do believe that poison control cares more about you not dying than like. ingesting a bizarre amount of tylenol cause you forgot when you took the last dose.

at no point was i judged for my blunder, and at no point was i demeaned for mixing up meds like that. maybe i was lucky to have an exceptionally nice person that day, but i do think that poison control is a good thing and that in the event you do something like i did (god forbid) you call and be safe.

once again, when applicable, always tell your healthcare provider what drugs you’re on and what you take for funsies. they’re not there to rat you out to the cops, they just wanna make sure they don’t fucking kill you with whatever they’re prescribing/doing with anasthesia.

#lost.txt #ask #anon #literally they do not want you dead #there are shitty doctors and people #i will be very honest and aware about that #but like. these are services so you Don’t Die #or send yourself into an anxiety attack at 6:45am

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purplethespian · 8 months

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How long of taking a medication should you go before telling your doctor you think you’re having side effects. Because on Wednesday I started taking adderall in addition to vyvanse (as prescribed by my psychiatrist) to help me with difficulties getting started in the morning. However, I feel like my anxiety has been worse since I started taking it, and I didn’t do anything all weekend because my anxiety was so bad. Like literally was frozen in my bed for almost two hours on Saturday because I somehow forgot to wash my hands after using the bathroom and thought I’d contaminated everything with E. coli. However however, I’ve had A Lot of things to be anxious about (such as more upcoming deadlines, fallout from the war that’s happening, etc) lately. So I’m not sure if it’s worth being like “Hey Doc I think the adderall is making my anxiety worse” if it could just be situational. And idk how long to wait until I can be sure it’s one or the other. Anyone have thoughts?

#i know some of y’all are medical professionals and/or real adults #so would love input #meds #adhd meds #medication #tagging for exposure #i guess #anxiety #zoe posts #do not reblog please

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pumpumdemsugah · 2 years

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What is your job title? I’m really interested in your shift into tech✨🤧

I don't really consider it tech but I am around alot of numbers, data and coding so I guess lol. It's more a data role than anything with finance and coding. Idk about saying my job title ( it's a pretty broad term and I might change my mind in the future) but I'm more than happy to tell you if you directly message me and answer any questions. I'm happy if any of my advice can help other women skip some of the nonsense I went through

I wanted to become a data scientist or UX designer but my brain was not having it lol and I just didn't have the skillset years ago to make the jump in a year so I had to figure out what my bridge job to that path would be. My previous job put me on a course for data science. I completed the dell data science associate and analytics, which helped and the benefit of doing courses is it will expose you to even more jobs involved in that sector. When I applied for my previous job, the job title was, data administrator but the title changed.

It got long sorry lol

When I was trying to go from customer service roles to office roles years ago, I looked up assistant positions for jobs I wanted and wrote out a list of the software, skills, achievement and main duties from the job specifications I kept seeing. This gave me a rough idea for a time line for how it will take to gain certain skills and what I'd be willing to do ( willingness is key )

Then I tried to figure out how to force my customer service job to give me opportunities to do lesser versions of these tasks, which was easy because I'm assertive and I'd just flat out ask lol. All customer service jobs usually involve admin tasks the key is figuring out what data or tech skill is similar enough that you can call those admin tasks " database maintenance"

YOUTUBE is actually really helpful for understanding what a specific skill looks like in action. It's one thing to read a duty for a job being, creating a database but you might not realise a spreadsheet is a database and that's how lots of people end up under-selling themselves. That way you can describe your skillset in a more accurate and flattering way

Going on indeed and searching for assistant versions of certain jobs and going on sites like https://www.prospects.ac.uk/ and looking up related jobs or career progression for roles can help you better apply for or find role titles, related to what you're trying to do because you might have enough skills to get entry level roles in close proximity to more data and tech jobs

Tbh data is much easier to get into but I'm in a data role so I'm biased lol

I've also tagged this and some of my other posts about this and jobs as "job blah". Hopefully something is useful and I really don't mind answering any direct messages. My job doesn't ramp up for a few weeks so I'm bored lol

However easy these YouTube videos make it sound that you can become a data analysis in a few months, ( it is possible with a good plan and Adderall) it's normal that it takes longer lol. My ADHD means everything I do takes longer.

Also I forgot about looking into credible certificates or professional certification you can pay for ( ranging anywhere from £300 to £2000 ) that you might need for certain jobs. Just make sure it's a credible provider ( LinkedIn certificates, udemy and most things on coursea don't count though it can help you learn more but jobs don't care about LinkedIn certificates)

#anonymous #job blah

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witchlockmonsterfox · 2 years

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second day of (on the niche little drug corner of my blog) The Phentermine Trials. once again i do not suggest you experiment on yourself like i am doing. i am a person with a long and extensive history of drug use as well as experience with an absurd amount of pharmaceuticals of all kinds, i have rudimentary medical knowledge, and have been studying psychopharmacology on my own for 16 years. i can’t stop anyone from doing anything, but i still don’t recommend doing something like this, especially if you’re inexperienced.

previous post here explaining phentermine and other information re: for the treatment of adhd

i took a break from the phentermine yesterday as like i mentioned, it gave me insomnia and i did not sleep until last night. i only slept five hours, but that’s not unusual for me. i’d say insomnia was the worst side effect from it, but i imagine with tolerance that’d go away as many people who use it for weight loss have no problems sleeping on it as long as it’s taken long enough before bedtime.

this is true for all amphetamines, so i don’t know if it’s really a specific drawback. i have little stimulant tolerance currently, and insomnia is something i’ll also struggle with with other amphetamines upon first starting them.

so i ingested another standard dose of 37.5mg six hours ago. i forgot to mention in the last post that 1) i’m on 5mg of valium (diazepam) 2x a day as well so that might be blunting side effects like anxiety/energy/jitteriness although with the usual and typical amphetamines i needed a higher dose of valium than that.

and 2) this drug takes 3 to 4 hours to reach peak concentrations in the body, HOWEVER, both times i have started feeling it well within an hour on an empty stomach, and it hasn’t been much different from my experiences with extended release amphetamines that can take 2-3 hours to really get going so it’s pretty comparable still.

after second dosing today and now knowing what to expect, perhaps some mild tolerance, and the previous dose still hanging around in my system slightly (it has a half-life of 20 hours so there’d be around 9.3mg left in my body) the energizing effect is milder than previously.

however despite this it’s still pretty beneficial for my adhd and those effects haven’t decreased in strength. in fact just this morning i was able to research and figure out everything regarding how to get a medical marijuana card, which i have been putting off for years. i got the motivation to post to a local subreddit about the topic and was able to read, respond to, and focus on the comments i received with the end result being a productive one as i now understand the entire process, have a clinic i plan to go to, and hope to be approved by the end of this week.

so here’s the breakdown… (all of these are going by comparison to therapeutic, standard dosages of commonly used amphetamines, not by recreational standards.)

the pros (for me, don’t forget this is all anecdotal!):

side effects such as anxiety, jitteriness, and agitation are extremely mild to the point i honestly can’t tell if it’s even related to the medication as i get those anyway.

MUSCLE SPASMS. i have a problem with muscle tension and spasms that stronger amphetamines (usually instant release like those found in adderall) trigger. this has had zero effect on them (even though valium is a muscle relaxant as well i would get them so severely on instant release adderall that just 10mg of valium wouldn’t help).

NO HEARTRATE OR BLOOD PRESSURE INCREASE which was very important to me because i have idiopathic sinus tachycardia (or: heart beat too fast all the time and it’s a mystery why) that i even have to take beta blockers for. my friend who was prescribed it for weight loss has high blood pressure and theirs also did not increase.

definite, NOTICEABLE and tangible increased focus and attention span unlike non-stimulant medications. you can tell this drug is working. helps you feel less foggy headed and less confused, able to organize your thoughts better. in fact in this one regard i can’t really tell much difference at all in this effect between phentermine and other amphetamines unless you were doing something intense or… (see below)

slightly increased energy, but seems to have waned after one dose a little. helps fatigue some but nothing like the usual amphetamine.

suppresses your appetite (hence its use as a weight loss medication) but not as bad as other amphetamines do. this is another one of the worst side effects for me even WITH tolerance. food can be impossible to eat and just the thought of it is so disgusting. this is probably worsened by my chronic nausea/lack of appetite i already have but i do know others report the same severity of this side effect.

now the cons:

the obvious: it’s not as potent as typical amphetamines and when it comes to motivation and focus it doesn’t work as well with things that you don’t want to do. however if you’re having difficulty even doing things you actually WANT to do (including productive stuff! it all depends) then it’s pretty equivalent.

insomnia, normal for all amphetamines and was about the same. not worse but not better either. again this probably just needs time to gain tolerance to.

Headache. it got pretty bad at one point. i assume this is from the norepinephrine as it’s the SAME headache atomoxetine (strattera) gives me which is an NRI (norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor). all amphetamines can give me this headache too, but typically more so when i’m using them recreationally and taking extra dosages.

for my fellow junkies, addicts, drug users, etc: low recreational potential imo. i don’t think i would enjoy increasing this drug in dosage as its focus is on norepinephrine over dopamine and serotonin (the Good neurochemicals). it seems like it would produce more side effects that would outweigh the positives too much to be worth it. the standard dose of 37.5mg did produce some very mild euphoria/content feelings but i don’t see much potential here.

(this last point could be seen as a pro depending on how you look at it)

in conclusion: doctors, psychopharmacologists, whoever: please study this drug for adhd! i think this might be an incredibly useful alternative for some patients who have issues with the normal amphetamines for adhd and poor/no response to non-stimulant medication (which let’s be honest… is most adhd patients)

also for those curious about it it MIGHT be worth asking your psychiatrist about as well! even just to get their opinion (which i’d be interested in hearing by the way if you did and wanted to share). it definitely has a reputation as a weight loss drug only though.

#ted.txt

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johnemulaney · 3 years

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John Mulaney: From Scratch in Las Vegas, September 4

Once again, spoilers for the show and what will presumably be in the special. This is about his relapse so tread with caution is that will be an issue for you. However, the tone of his struggle is the same one he used in his past specials so if you didn’t have any issues then, I think you’d be ok with this. Of course, use your own best judgement, friends.

The opener was Seaton Smith.

He opened with trying to find the rich people in the crowd but acknowledged that they’d go mwrmwmwrw money isn’t everything so then he started talking about golf and went aha I got ya’ll.

There was a joke about weed being the only Christian drug

He had a bit about when white people are nice, be nervous

He had a bit about there being a black man on the Bachelor and was like America (ABC and Disney+) were not ready for a black man to be fucking a house full of 50 white women. That shit premiered on Tuesday and the Capitol burned on Wednesday.

He also did some crowd work and roasted a couple in the front row for having different answers about kids and she was like I didn’t hear the question and was roasted about how not hearing questions you don’t want to answer is certainly a tactic, often used by drug dealers

He also had a bit about how different child rearing is in Texas versus New York and about how hitting your kids is treated differently, like his dad would have just threatened it whimsically.

Now on to the Main Event!

The first thing he said was “hiiiiiiiiii” exactly in the tone you think he said it in. he followed that up with a little shrug looking adorable and a little bashful

“It’s him! Mr. Problems. Oh Las Vegas, Oh my god” he then talks about how Vegas is a land of vice and a Choice for him to preform in as a recovering addict. He had a sober buddy and 3 bodyguards with him at all times.

“And here’s what happened” December 18, 2020, he gets invited to a friends apartment for dinner AND HE’S TWO HOURS LATE because he stopped, coked out of his mind, at SNL for a haircut because he still had his building access badge and he went to the hair department and they were like, he’ll leave faster if we just do this, and then he stopped at his drug dealers.

He called venmo and cashapp, apps for drug deals and was like what do normal people even use them for. He maxed both out paying for drugs.

He was the best looking person at his intervention. “Coke skinny, new cut” and the 12 people intervening looked like shit. He looked “tears for fears while they all looked jerry garcia” (I hope you know who those musicians are besties).

He immediately yelled “Can I go to the bathroom” to you know, dump his drugs because when you walk into that, you know what it is.

He was not allowed to go (he would be asked if he still needed to pee later and would say “what?”

There were 6 people in NYC and 6 people over zoom in LA because he guesses 6 people couldn’t be bothered to fly in for HIS INTERVENTION

Interventions can go two ways, it can be kind of accusatory and this is how you let us all down, or it can be supportive. Everyone but Nick Kroll got the memo to be supportive.

Nick Kroll went first.

Nick Kroll listed all the ways John was a bad best friend and brother over zoom and John was getting texts during the intervention saying Nick wasn’t supposed to do that and they were all sorry.

Bill Hader went next. he originally wasn’t going to be able to make it so he had recorded a thing but since he was there, he did it live. (He would eventually send the video to John in rehab, which is not what you want on the way to rehab “awesome, more intervention”)

He tried to derail the intervention, “there’s not enough latinx representation” he said he’d go to any rehab except the one they had picked out for him. This was a star-studded affair and he was mad no one was being funny.

Natasha Lyons went next, telling him his life and career is in shambles

So he gets carted off to rehab after this intervention. Don’t let 12 comedians pack your bags for 2 months at rehab. it was bombas socks and iphone chargers.

A little secret about rehab, you’re not allowed to bring drugs in. You remember how he was late? In his pocket on the way to rehab included: a huge amount of pills, 3g of coke (which was 2g by the time he got there, courtesy of a koala station in a gas station bathroom), and $2000 in cash. He had other plans for the weekend. He was admitted for xanax, coke, perocet, and adderall addiction. Say what you will, but he does not do anything half way.

It’s 4am when he’s sent to detox, he’s been awake for 3 days.

He also gives a small lesson on how to get drugs. Find the lowest rated doctors on yelp and webmd reviews and go ask for them, they need all the business they can get. You become like Captain Phillips, I am the doctor now.

Dr. Michael was his shady doctor. He was a first avenue apartment where he would write prescriptions from his kitchenette where his girl Minerva was always asleep. “I didn’t kill my wife Minerva.” But John would ask for his drugs, Dr. Michael would write the script and then ask what he needed it for. Dr. Michael would also make John take his shirt off, always offering a flu shot and going no, shirt all the way off (in case you were wondering how bad this addiction actually was)

The first moral is now you know. The second moral is get vaccinated.

He’s sent to the regular ward the next afternoon and they finally get him to sleep.

He’s sketched out that doctors have last names at this establishment

He asks for drugs such as klonopin and is taken aback a bit when he doesn’t get them. The doctor is like PA state law says no, and so John suggests they go to a CVS in Jersey to get some.

His bestie Pete Davidson starts calling that night. Except Pete changes his number every month and a half so John has him send a selfie and saves the new number under some other random name, at this point in time, Pete is saved as Al Pacino. (We get an Al Pacino impression) John is asleep and his nurse sees Al Pacino trying to call him 5 times and so she wakes him up.

Pete Davidson and John Mulaney did not do drugs together. (The author is lowkey surprised and sad about that, like if Pete was my bestie, we’d make so many poor choices) But Pete was always very supportive of his sobriety.

John needs recognition so badly, in group when they introduced themselves he said “I’m John M.” and no one cared. So he left a tabloid out with the news of his admittance and his face on it in the rec room on the table. The not being someone was “driving him bananas.” When they talked about what they do for a living and he said I’m a a stand up comedian, someone asked if he made a living that way. He said “yeah ask your daughter” (or your son)

One of the things you do at rehab is break up with your drug dealer.

One of his drug dealers only bought drugs to keep John from buying worse off the streets and only got into the game because John kept asking him for drugs and was his only buyer. That guy was originally a painter and John has no idea how they met. John is the only person to turn an innocent man into a drug dealer.

Here he did the Baby J is back baby joke. the Park Theater is one of the biggest stages in the world so he did that joke in one pace across the stage and said the stage is that joke long.

“I am no longer on drugs. It’s very good but also ah---” He’s in a 12 step anonymous group.

“I need attention, clearly.” After a show you think he would be sated, but no.

He wants that attention that the kid who’s grandparent died and showed up to school dressed for the funeral and got to sit in the beanbag chair for reading despite it not being his turn, gets. He went on about being willing to let one of the lesser important grandparents die so he could get attention, for quite a while.

He feels left behind in science, like his C’s and D’s in those classes. All those classes were was putting things on a windowsill for the janitor to throw away. He had a bit about how the fuck people put dinosaurs back together, it’s like getting wayfair furniture without the instructions.

He also things the moon belongs to America. Like we got there first and when other countries say stuff about the moon he’s like mmmmmmm.

He also had a joke about paying to get into college and like, for white people that’s always how it’s been.

The show ended with him going over the highlights of that GQ interview that he was so coked out for that he forgot he did it entirely. He has no memory of it at all. He was just called up that day and asked for an interview and you know how coke is the best drug to receive attention on? He just did whatever he wanted with that attention.

And that was the show.

#John Mulaney #john mulaney: from scratch #spoilers #kid gorgeous #The Comeback Kid #The Top Part #New In Town #show write up

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uinuvien · 2 years

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Now that I have learned I have ADHD and gotten it diagnosed (thanks to Teen Wolf fics, btw) it has kinda started to bother me when people write Stiles as having ADHD and taking Adderall AND drink coffee AND be just fine.

Yeah, I take Conserta, not Adderall, but as far as I can tell, the same thing happens with both if drinking coffee and you know what that is?

Anxiety.

"I have accidentally driven myself to meltdowns with a nice cup of latte" levels of anxiety.

Drinking coffee while medicated for ADHD can also make you jittery, and some people actually get this right (accidentally or not), but I have also seen Stiles written to have that reaction to Adderall alone, which would indicate that he doesn't actually have ADHD (I saw a theory sometime ago that he actually has childhood PTSD misdiagnosed as ADHD and I think that was a very good point)

Also, while not everyone with ADHD react to caffeine the same way, it's really common that caffeine and other stimulants can make us tired and sleepy and it can also be used as a "stabilizer". I have accidentally and intentionally made myself fall asleep with energy drinks more than once when I misjudged the amount, but I have also managed to stabilize myself when I was ricocheting between fatigue and vibrating out of my skin in 5 minute intervals and calm down anxiety. I got addicted to tea when I was 10 and later in cola which in a hindsight were my unconscious attempts at self-medicating. They didn't and still don't make myself not-tired but they make it bit easier to focus when not medicated.

This very poorly structured post was brought to you by me forgotting to take my meds this morning and trying to patch things up with caffeine (because taking my meds after certain points means I won't sleep that night) and kinda failing and also making a mistake couple days ago and forgotting to order decaf latte and needing to listen EDM music on high volume to counter the resulted anxiety that almost made me throw up ✌️

#teen wolf #stiles stilinski #adhd #what is post structure?

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twopoppies · 3 years

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I really hope this doesn't come off as me trying to start a fight (I'm not, I swear!!) but i saw the ask about the old pictures with the condoms in Harry's pocket and then the ask about his change from skinnies to his current style and your response, and just wanted to add my 2 cents because this is something that has been kind of heavy on my mind for awhile. I think that there's this fine line (lol, not intentional but I am laughing about it) between being sexualized and being acknowledged as being an attractive (sexy) person that we in the fandom are all kind of continuously trying to walk and also trying to get a feel for where Harry stands on it. Harry's comment about it being "so weird" and "so uncomfortable" to be a sex symbol I think has sort of thrown us all into a tizzy and we've gotten to the point where we can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. To me, what it comes down to, is sort of this - Harry is, of course, a sexual being (um hello, we all are, and also, have you ever met a 27 year old man?), and he is more comfortable now than he used to be with sharing that part of himself with his fans and the world ("Medicine" is typing... "it's all about having sex and feeling sad"). But I think that doesn't mean there isn't a line that we should be really mindful not crossing, between acknowledging Harry is a person who likes to have sex and is embracing that about himself, and sexualizing Harry. I think of it a lot in terms of how much different the discourse would be around this if Harry were a woman, and fans were talking about being able to see her nipples through her shirt, or the outline of her vagina through tight pants, or making tiktoks dedicated to her being visibly aroused on stage, or (and god help me, this hurts to even write) talking about how she has a "good p**sy eating nose." I think if that were the case, there would be absolutely no doubt that the discourse surrounding Harry is inappropriate. And there has been a lot of conversation around how the way a person chooses to dress and the physical parts of themself that a person chooses to share does not then entitle the world to get greedy and take more. So, to me, whether or not Harry said he was uncomfortable being sexualized or uncomfortable being a sex symbol or both or neither doesn't matter as much as the fact that the way a lot of his fans talk about him is often inappropriate and gross. Again this definitely, definitely, isn't aimed at you or intended to be an attack or start a fight, it's just something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately, and I wanted an outlet for my thoughts (and then once I started typing I couldn't stop. Can you tell i forgot my adderall this morning?) Thanks for hosting such a safe space for all of us to share our thoughts.

Hi sweetheart. I actually really, really agree with you. What I was pointing out (or trying to point out) was that a lot of people use that quote of his to attack others for even noticing that Harry is attractive. There’s just a difference between being sexualized and being sexual. And there’s a difference between noticing (or even appreciating) someone’s sexuality and sexiness, and being vulgar and dehumanizing them in a sexual way.

Which I think is along the lines of what you’re getting at. I was just too lazy to type it all out. 😆😆😆 But I really appreciate your additional thoughts. And I definitely agree that if he presented as a woman, everything would be different. And that’s a huge conversation in and of itself.

In reference to this

#Harry’s image

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viaravt · 2 years

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I posted 671 times in 2021

168 posts created (25%)

503 posts reblogged (75%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.0 posts.

I added 1,419 tags in 2021

#tma - 381 posts

#the magnus archives - 163 posts

#magnus archives - 154 posts

#magnuspod - 137 posts

#rusty quill tma - 128 posts

#tma podcast - 109 posts

#tma fandom - 102 posts

#the magnus pod - 100 posts

#random - 78 posts

#tmart - 67 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#that crawls and chokes and blinds and falls and twists and leaves and hides and weaves and burns and hunts and rips and bleeds and dies!

My Top Posts in 2021

Got my bestie into TMA and she sent me this and said, "aw I found the perfect engagement ring for Jon and Martin" and all I could think to say is, "then Jonahlias can just watch like the weird voyeur he is"

106 notes • Posted 2021-07-13 03:07:48 GMT

So @beansmakesart finished the most amazing and poignant TMA animation today and so I've been inspired to work on my silly one all today <3 This is the beginning and I think it's about 90% done. Enjoy! Always happy to hear any comments and constructive criticism! <3

120 notes • Posted 2021-08-02 03:18:07 GMT

Today's date included this Spiral AF door:

It's like 3 ft off the the ground and there's not even an indication of stairs having ever been there. Michael/Helen, you're not fooling anyone with this. [ID: A door in a brick wall. The door is approximately 3 ft from the ground and there are no stairs. The picture was taken from a parked car. End ID]

122 notes • Posted 2021-07-30 03:06:48 GMT

Went up on my Adderall dose today and I feel this emotion, Mr. Nugget. I had a partner tell me once that they can tell that I actually have ADHD because when I take my Adderall, all I want to do is nap. And I don't think that it's because I'm necessarily tired or anything - I think it just quiets things down?

When I'm unmedicated, my brain is just a constant litany of nonsense. It's like if you put a radio on 'seek' and you only hear like 3 seconds of each station, except instead of radio stations it's "Lists of Things I Need to do" or "The Greatest Hits of me Being Dumb" and I just get this constant stream of nonsense and it's hard to relax.

But when my brain is quieted by the chemicals in my medication, it's blissfully quiet. I can relax, even sleep! I can concentrate without that nonsense screaming for my attention.

I just wish someone had told me about this before I was 32

135 notes • Posted 2021-07-13 20:06:26 GMT

I forgot to post this yesterday, but I got a TMA-inspired manicure :D

If you like it, reblog and put which is your favorite design in the tags <3

139 notes • Posted 2021-07-20 23:36:46 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #tma #the magnus archives #magnus archives #magnuspod #rusty quill tma #tma podcast #tma fandom #the magnus pod #tmart

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obligatetrekkie · 3 years

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🧽

my mans Hazamada is STINKY. he smells like if a ferret took a dip in a cup of instant ramen. has gone like a week without showering before. his room isn’t very clean either, dirty clothes EVERYWHERE. probably some spilled drink he forgot to clean up, too. lucky for him, I like cleaning. however, I also forget to shower sometimes, so we have that in common. but with the power of adderall and prozac, I get around to it, so I can at least be all, “Ey buddy, Imma shower, and you should, too,”. anytime he forgets to brush his teeth, I do it with him. when he has trouble taking care of his hygiene in other ways, I tell him something along the lines of, “Do it for Pink Dark Boy!”. this sort of makes him go red, but it works! besides, he’s cute when he’s embarrassed, not to be too cheesy. not to mention, showering with a s/o is better than without… but honestly, having somebody to look up to in a hard time really does help. “I’m just like my idol, so brave, so amazing!” or “idol cares about me so much, they want me taking care of myself! they’d be so proud!” even for doing the smallest of things. it’s helped me in rougher spots, and it’s okay to do. human nature is comparing oneself to the “body” somebody else presents, even if it is not their whole self, because one desires more than anything to not be their mistakes. sorry for rambling, just a message I thought was relevant.

#toshikazu hazamada #self ship

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nightinngales · 3 years

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Hello there, sorry for the question and if you don't feel comfortable with it just ignore it. But the thing is you are the only blog that I follow that talked about adhd and I have read a lot about it on the internet and it seems that my friends kid has a lot of the symptoms but in my country it's not talked about it and there isn't any specialists for that as the kid has been to so many psychiatrists and doctors but they haven't even mention the possibility, all I have read about is from American sites, there isn't even any info about it in my native language. So my question is how do you actually cope with adhd, how can you suppress the symptoms and how it's actually treated?

ok strap in cause this will be long. under a read more because hella long

Treatment Options:

adhd is usually treated with stimulants, such as adderall or ritalin, which at least in the us, are controlled substances and you have to have a new script written every month in order to refill it. there are a few non-stimulant alternatives, like straterra, but i never noticed a difference while i was on them.

How do you cope with symptoms?

most people with adhd, even undiagnosed, end up self-medicating, usually by unconsciously seeking out stimulants that help them focus. lots of non-diagnosed people with adhd end up addicted to caffeine or cigarettes because they are both stimulants and can mimic the effects of medication (for a short time). however, it’s a game of diminishing returns. without moderation, your body eventually builds up a tolerance to substances like this, requiring more and more of it to produce the same effect. in medicine, this is called the “therapeutic level”: the amount of a drug needed in the bloodstream to actually produce an effect.

why is this important? because, basically, even if you self-medicate with stimulants - you can only go so far. you can only drink so much coffee, or smoke so many cigarettes. eventually none of it will help, and merely keep you operating at a baseline, with detrimental effects should you drop off on usage (see: caffeine withdrawal).

what’s more important, especially if you’re not able to be medicated, is learning how to cope and adapt to the symptoms of adhd. this is called compensating. for some this is automatic, as your brain adapts to the deficiencies. but, a lot of the time, it’s actually not possible to just make the symptoms go away. it’s a neurological deficit. no amount of coping skill will magically cure the condition - but you can learn to live with it.

as far as coping techniques go... it depends on the severity of the symptoms, the age of the child, and the type of adhd they have (there’s actually several). what works for one person with adhd won’t work for everyone. my suggestion is this:

identify the child’s “struggle” areas: what do they have the most problem with? for example:

emotional regulation - temper tantrums, massive mood swings, rejection sensitive dysphoria (look for MASSIVE downswings in mood when disciplined), overstimulation (do they get irritable when crowded or too much is going on?)

hyperactivity - this can also present as anxiety in some kids. if your kid isn’t visibly hyper, check for other tells: fidgeting, nail biting, leg shaking, rocking, other symptoms of general anxiety - this can actually be a sign of hyperactivity, and the child finding other ways to burn off or cope with excess energy.

focus, listening, “zoning out” - inattention, unable to stay focused, could also be hyperfixating. as a kid i had an issue where i could hyperfixate and totally tune out anyone who spoke to me. i genuinely would NOT hear things even if people were screaming at me.

audio processing issues - if a kid doesn’t seem to be able to understand when spoken to, or lags behind (ex: asking “what?” and then, seconds later, answering appropriately as their brain processes what was said)

learning difficulties - specifically check for issues with classes focusing on reading (such as their native language), and math in particular. dyslexia and dyscalculia are extremely common with adhd. get them tutoring or extended time on tests

memory issues - does the child seem to say “i forgot” an inordinate amount? it could be a symptom of adhd. people with adhd often have issues with memory.

Once you identify the problem areas, you can work on trying to help that child learn to cope with those issues.

They have issues with emotional regulation or overstimulation? Give them a personal timeout button. Any time that kid needs a break and solo time, let them step away and isolate. It can help them manage their emotions and have a moment to process them in private where they won’t feel judged. It is important however that if you do this, don’t hold it against them. If they feel like you’re going to punish them for taking a time out to isolate, that just defeats the purpose.

For hyperactivity, aggression, or impulsivity, find them an outlet to burn off energy. Get a punching bag, or some kind of active activity they enjoy. Even an active video game could help.

Focus & listening, memory: Unfortunately there’s really no easy way to fix this. This is an issue with a frontal lobe deficiency. The ADHD person can try to come up with ways to manage it, but it will be an uphill battle. To-do lists and post-it notes and all of that type of stuff will not work. Luckily, they will likely get better at this as they get older.

For learning difficulties, support them. Literally just support them. One of the major issues with ADHD is that it can present with RSD - rejection sensitive dysphoria. Any failure (perceived or actual) can send their mood absolutely plummeting into the shitter and kill their self-esteem and confidence. Don’t use blame-y language like “you didn’t try hard enough” or “If you could just pay attention...” etc. They’re trying. Trust me. They’re trying. And if they aren’t, it’s because they tried, and tried, and tried, and continued to fail with no encouragement, so they gave up. Encourage them. Support them. And prop them up when they do fail. Applaud their wins, no matter how small, and minimize their losses - make them realize a failure is not permanent, and they can always recover from it. This is super, super important for ADHD people with RSD because it’s so easy for them to give up on themselves.

With RSD especially, be very careful of criticism, especially with kids. Their emotions are volatile, and RSD can lead to sudden, severe swings into suicidal ideation if it’s bad enough. If that child has RSD, they’re going to need a lot of support until they learn to manage their emotions better.

With memory issues... Jury’s still out on that one. I’ve tried everything from calendars to post-it notes to alarms on my phone and still haven’t found one that actually works.

And keep in mind: ADHD presentation not only differs by gender, but also tends to shift over time as they grow older. No one “grows” out of ADHD, they just get better at compensating for it.

Girls tend to be less disruptive than boys. Less aggression, less acting out, but may still present with inattentiveness or other signs of hyperactivity (such as anxious tics/fidgeting).

And lastly - ADHD tends to run in families. If one kid has it, it’s likely that another kid will have it, or one of the parents will have it, even if undiagnosed. I was diagnosed at 15. My mom was diagnosed 10 years later at 45. She’d spent her whole life compensating for a disorder she didn’t realize she had until she’d asked me one day what it felt like and realized she had a lot of the same issues I did. If possible, the parents should get tested as well. One or even both of them could be living with ADHD and not even know it.

#adhd #Anonymous

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ellalette · 3 years

Text

personal opinion, but if you’re dealing with side effects from adderall you shouldn’t be taking adderall. either you don’t have adhd (or whatever else adderall helps with) or your doctor isn’t giving you other medication options or proper treatment. vyvanse made me feel like I was going to die and i became so tolerant of concerta so quickly my doctor didn’t want even try ritalin. straterra, for me, not even an option. I have no aderall side effects because I need it and it fucking is the best option for me. Stop telling me it’s the devil, it’s not. It’s a miracle. But I worked on it and it took years to regulate. Like. I hate bashing people for having “fake adhd” because it’s not like mine but I do it and I hate myself for it but like sometimes .... man. sometimes I’m like maybe you need water and sleep and a break from the crushing stress of the patriarchy and capitalism?????? try those weird herbal remedies that will absolutely not help anyone with adhd but nice try. like is your life ruined when you can’t find a pencil and you forgot to take your meds? have you ever taken your meds twice because you forgot you took them already? everyone’s adhd is different I know that. I want everyone to get the support and help they need but jesus I almost failed out of college even tho I had a brilliant high school showing before someone suggested it might be adhd. it’s not just not being able to focus. it’s not just that you can’t stay organized. it’s not always presenting as a manic pixie dream girl (let’s not even dive into that trash pile of a wet dream). if a meditation exercise could fix just the crippling grip of docotr strange type senario playing I wouldn’t need medication. if my creativity was destroyed because I took adderall and became a zombie ... well that’s not what’s supposed to fucking happen. I feel free and like clear and able to just exist and vibe. I can choose to focus, doesn’t mean I’m gonna do it, but I can consciously try to make the decision to do the task regardless of whatever else my brain says is more important than the task. Like nothing. It’s insane. And I can’t make my body do what I want it to sometimes. Tell me again how reducing my chocolate milk intake and some natural supplements is going to fix my brain when there are documented instances of me doing adhd things as a practically fresh baby? ugh. rant. over.

#adhd mood #sorry #I’m sorry about shaming others situations but those herbal remedies are dumb as fuck #dumb as fuck #adhd #small rant #adderall

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rinnnyxr · 3 years

Text

I’m happy I’m sad I’m motivated I’m unmotivated I’m sick I’m taken I have a crush I’m in love I’m single I’m brokenhearted

I want to sleep I want to study I want to go out I want to stay home I have school today I have work today

I’m afraid of spiders I’m afraid of being alone I’m afraid of snakes I’m afraid of flying I’m afraid of failure I’m afraid of clowns

I took chemistry classes in high school I took math classes in high school I took English classes in high school I took geography classes in high school I took biology classes in high school I had gym in high school I took art classes in high school I took science classes in high school I took history classes in high school I took physics classes in high school I was in the theatre after school program in high school I had some sort of music classes in high school I had some sort of dance classes in high school

Bold the things you’ve never done.

I’ve never gone to Disney World. I’ve never been out of my home country. I’ve never kissed a stranger on the lips. I’ve never read a book over eight hundred pages. I’ve never painted a picture on a canvas. I’ve never sang in front of a large crowd by myself.

I’ve never had braces. I’ve never learned French. I’ve never had a fight with my dad. I’ve never updated my status through my phone. I’ve never used Nair. I’ve never cut my wrists. I’ve never wanted plastic surgery. I’ve never drank organic regular milk. I’ve never learned Chinese. I’ve never blew up a balloon. I’ve never changed a baby’s diaper. I’ve never lost my phone for good. I’ve never lost a friend through death. I’ve never met one of my grandparents. I’ve never met someone with my exact name. I’ve never dated someone with red hair. I’ve never put on eyeliner for myself. I’ve never took a dance class. I’ve never tried weed. I’ve never tried drugs. I’ve never cooked dinner for my family. I’ve never had anything besides my ears pierced. I’ve never had a tattoo. I’ve never went to the beach to tan. I’ve never kissed anyone on the lips that was younger than me. I’ve never dumped someone. I’ve never stepped in something nasty barefooted. I’ve never cheated on someone. I’ve never waxed anything on my body. I’ve never dyed my whole head a different color. I’ve never kissed anyone who was above the age of seventeen. I’ve never kissed in the rain. I’ve never gone a day without laughing. I’ve never got held back a grade. I’ve never stolen anything over twenty dollars.

Aries

Waiting until the last minute TL;DR (too long, didn’t read) Angry crying 4 am seamless Big flirt Hot yoga “Why are you so upset? I’m over it now” No filter Cutting in line at the store Skipping to the “good part” Ignoring the speed limit Tinder Shoplifting Exclamation points!!! Bad tattoos Caffeine addiction Toned AF Muay Thai “Don’t touch me” Breaking a bone Spelling errors Picking fights for no reason Lowkey really sensitive Skipping breakfast 7/24

Taurus Falling asleep on the subway Going barefoot Using hands as utensils Calling in sick Materialism Tree climbing Cuddling Controlling the aux Great British baking show “I deserve to treat myself” Aesthetics Spending the whole day in bed Anything that says “natural” on it Long-term relationships Expensive sheets Picnics in the park Essential oils Sex as exercise Tender Wearing the same outfit 3 days in a row Says a controversial opinion and then “I’m not going to argue” Calm, cool, and collected Silk everything 5 meals a day 7/24

Gemini Giving unqualified advice 50 different tangents “Prove it” Playing Devil’s advocate Can’t keep a secret Scamming Carrying a book around Arguing for fun Always knowing the latest gossip Adderall Spilling guts to the Uber driver Rationalizing emotions Lying to be more interesting Most active in the group chat Anxiety Telling the same story 10 times to perfect it Philosophy 1000 ideas per minute Sardonic sense of humor Full of interesting facts 23 best friends Internet memes Forgot how to cry Living a double life 4/24

Cancer Screenshots Same friends since high school Sleeps with a stuffed animal Vintage clothes Cries when yelled at Going home early Nesting Holding grudges Mood swings Drinking tea Supporting others’ chaos Social anxiety HGTV Super protective of loved ones Accidental emotional manipulation Cooking for friends Likes animals more than humans Meeting someone and immediately planning their whole lives together Empathizing with film protagonists Vivid childhood memories “Mi casa es tu casa” Serial monogamist Good emotional memory Big hugs 8/24

Leo Mid-day outfit changes Giving out compliments Taking an hour to get ready Accidentally flirting Making friends in the Uber pool Using a window as a mirror Passionate emotional outbursts Lowkey insecure Creating drama to avoid boredom Opening up after just meeting someone Going to the spa Needing to make opinions known Large but fragile ego Wanting recognition for your generosity Making a scene Pretending life is reality TV Giving really subjective advice Overdressed for the function Creative genius Social media as therapy Trying something and being instantly good at it Can’t take a joke Self-care Urge to stand out 7/24

Virgo Over-analyzing friendships Fact check Knowing a little about everything Helping people get their shit together Very specific tastes Fixing it or making it 10x worse Personal projects Health routines Pretending to have your shit together Repeating a task over and over until it’s perfect On good terms with your trash exes Stretching self too thin Stuck in negative thought cycles Noticing little things no one else notices Needs to quit like 3 things Nitpicking Self-sacrificing Hyperfocus Reading 3 books at once “Sorry for the late reply” Functioning on 3 hours of sleep Can’t turn brain off Neurotic Putting yourself last 17/24

Libra Fomo (fear of missing out) Saying yes to every opportunity A little bit of suck up Fear of being alone Flirting with everyone but your crush Tossing a coin to make big decisions Easily influenced Art films Strong sense of right and wrong Torn between being social and having much needed alone time New crush every day Going to museums Overthinking romantic relationships Truly admiring all your friends Adopting others’ hobbies and mannerisms Overdraft fees Showing up late or not showing up at all Avoiding conflicts at all costs Talking about past romances on the first date Gossipy but with good intentions Panicking when someone raises their voice Trying to see both sides Unable to end a bad relationship Pretending to hate drama 9/24

Scorpio Resting bitch face Keeping the right amount of secrets Has a “hit” list (either meaning) Needing to have control in relationships Knowing what you want and exactly how to get it Disappearing at parties Morbid thoughts Believes in “energy” Attractive Staring from across the room Stalking crush’s social media Fascination with cults Still in an emo phase Breaking hearts but sad about it Trust issues All black Existential angst Silently walking away from uninteresting conversations Chaotic emotions behind a calm mask Craving emotional intensity “What am I gonna gain from it?” Seeming intimidating, actually really sensitive Friendships of utility Loves crime 12/24

Sagittarius Losing interest and quitting anything that doesn’t come easily Giving opinions without being asked No inside voice Arguing as foreplay Backpacking trips Talking over people Stating opinions as facts Corny jokes Took one philosophy class and is basically Nietzsche now Always having the last word Using big words to sound smart Speaking more than one language Fueled by laughter Calling friends on their BS Asking for advice and then not taking it Needing to change activities every 30 minutes Telling it like it is Correcting people Unwaveringly optimistic Laugh can be heard from across the room Talking about a book after only reading the Wikipedia synopsis Learning a lot from travel Periodically getting rid of all your belongings Pulling out a party trick 9/24

Capricorn Fear of not living up to potential Overcommitting Anything ‘rustic’ Favorite song is the NPR jingle Has real, tangible goals Repressing trauma Always on time Slow and steady Minding your own business Prefers on one hangs to group hangs Work/life balance Putting more money into savings than you take out Acting 20 years older than you actually are Is prepared for the worst-case scenario Never asking for help Reading for fun Is actually normcore Taking care of business Taking things seriously Motivated by stress Minimalism Hanging out with the same 3 people Bashful around crush Holding friends to high standards 9/24

Aquarius Lowkey superstitious Obscure music David Lynch Weird makeup Self-given haircuts Bad at flirting Feeling like an alien Reding conspiracy theories on the internet Estranged from emotions Experimental poetry Martyr complex Being called a free spirit Abstract concepts Making plans and canceling them Intellectual superiority A little arrogant Loves an underdog Using a thesaurus Activism Fuck the rules Intentionally provocative Highly ethical Queer theory Niche knowledge base 1/24

Pisces Head in the clouds Misplacing keys Unofficially moving in with friends Easily overwhelmed Empathizing with plants Existential crisis #3 Really long showers Leaving clothes in a pile on the ground Using fantasies as an escape Romantic drama Need for constant validation Acts either 7 or 70 Incredibly active imagination Cripplingly self-aware Over-apologizing In love with 10 people at once Binge drinking Giving good advice but can’t apply it to yourself Secretly writes poetry Crying in the bathroom at work Can’t take criticism Mind reading #NoBoundaries Saying something deep out of nowhere 12/24

I am most like a Virgo (my actual sign)

You have an ex You don’t wear glasses You have blue/gray/green eyes

You’re pretty tall

You can drive a manual transmission car

You know how to change the oil

You know all about cars

You have a serious passion for photography

You’ve known your best friend since middle school You’re close friends with someone since elementary school You prefer Quiznos over Subway

You’re in a relationship You’ve had a rebound before You’ve been in a relationship for five years

You’ve cheated before

You’ve dated someone who was Asian You’ve dated someone who was Hispanic

You’ve dated someone of your own ethnicity You like to sleep a lot You were born in winter Your birthday is in February

You’re the oldest in your family

You have a younger sister You have a cat You don’t have step-parents You often work the night shifts at your job

You can play the drums

You know a lot about flowers

You’re allergic to shellfish

You like garlic You like a lot of cheese

You get real Christmas trees

You’ve been in a car accident before You’ve snuck people over to your house You’re part Hawaiian

You’re a Pisces

You have no tattoos You have no piercings You have brown hair You have a Steam account You don’t have a Twitter

You’re hardly on any networking sites

You have an XBox360 You don’t like Playstation products very much

You have relatives in Alaska and/or Hawaii

You have a Toshiba laptop

You love German Shepherds You love Welsh Corgis You are Republican

You are Methodist

Your room is rarely ever clean

You’ve drunk dialed someone

A nasty rumor has been spread about you You’re in college One of your parents was at one point enlisted in the military

You are close with your family You like paintballing

You don’t smoke You don’t do drugs

You have a habit of keeping things you borrowed longer than expected

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cheeri0-queeri0 · 4 years

Text

My First Two Loves (WLW version): Chapter 3

Is she gaping? Emma has to be gaping.

“Ava… y-you and… Mason? Are…”

Ava grins rakishly, rubbing a hand along Mason’s back. “Madly in love? Or, well, lust - we haven’t gotten to that other L-word yet.”

Nails. Nails are being driven into her heart.

For his part, Mason looks taken aback by her reaction. “I meant to tell you last night, Emma.”

“You could’ve texted!” A lump is rising in her throat.

Mason scratches the back of his head. “I wanted to tell you in person. I tried to call, but when the line kept dropping, I thought…this is better?”

No. No it is not. It is one million times worse.

“Yeah, you’re right!” Emma forces the words to come out chipper, forces a placid smile. “I… I’m speechless. Congrats, you two.”

Congrats on secretly shattering her heart. But hey, what’s another secret to the now-sure-to-grow pile?

Mason’s shoulders relax, the tension falling from his face as he turns to Ava. “I almost forgot, babe! I got a little something for you.” He reaches over on the hood of Ava’s car where he put a cute little thermos.

Ava tentatively takes it from him, eyes wide in surprise. “Caramel macchiato?”

Mason gives her a shy, crooked smile. “With two shakes of cinnamon.”

Ava’s favorite.

The girl slings her other arm around his neck and rests her head against his cheek. “You remembered! Best boyfriend ever!”

Emma...is going to combust from agony.

“You guys are just so...perfect together,” she grits out, hoping it sounds passably pleasant.

Ava’s eyes find hers, softening just a bit.

Mason lets out a breathy laugh that seems more like a sigh of relief. “See, Ava, I told you she’d be happy for us!”

Ava blinks, breaking her gaze away. “I knew she would be. She is my bestie, after all.” There’s something off about her tone. If she hadn’t told Emma in the car that they were still solid despite Lauren dying to usurp her place, Emma would worry that maybe they weren’t best friends anymore.

Hell, maybe she’s still a little worried. And now for more than the Lauren reason.

“I should leave you alone for some...couple time. Catch you later!” Cue an ungraceful escape.

Mason jogs to catch up. “There’s so many times I tried to call. To tell you.” His voice turns plaintive. “Emma, I just want to double check. Are you okay with this?”

No! I am unequivocally not okay with this! God, how badly Emma wants to shout that at the top of her lungs. If she said it, Mason is exactly the kind of guy who would follow through and break up. He’s good. And that’s the problem.

“Mason. I’m happy for you. And for Ava.”

“...Yeah? Because your happiness means a lot to me.”

And now she has to sell it. “Yeah. I’m stoked. You’re so cute together. I should’ve played matchmaker years ago.” That...might have been overkill. “I just have some things to take care of right now. Talk later, okay?”

Mason nods. It worked. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Emma power-walks away, tears pricking at her eyes as she let her feet take her anywhere else.

After a short time, she rounds a corner, realizing too late that she’s behind the gym near the back parking lot she usually avoided.

And she wasn’t alone.

“Hey there, princess. What brings you to my place of business?” The boy is smarmy, leaning against the brick wall, hair gelled so thickly it wouldn’t move even in a tornado.

Emma stills, confused. “Your...uh, what?”

He frowns, pushing off the wall and wandering closer. “My store. My shop. My livelihood. What you buying?”

Oh. Shit. “I’m not - I’m just trying to get away from some people - ”

The boy comes to a stop too close. “Save it. A sob story won’t get a discount.” He looked her up and down, calculating. Though he definitely didn’t look like someone who was good at math. “Adderall. Has to be. A study buddy. Everyone needs one, right?”

He yanks a plastic bag out of his pocket.

“Oh, no thanks. I appreciate it, but I am not interested.”

His jaw works, clenching and unclenching. “The offer isn’t optional anymore. You saw what I’m selling. You’re part of this.” He takes one more step, his Axe body spray stinging the inside of Emma’s nose. “Now open up that bag and find me two hundred bucks.”

Several thoughts race through Emma’s head. The first, unhelpfully, is two HUNDRED dollars for one bottle of pills? Shortly followed by If I run, will he grab me?

Sensing the direction of her thoughts, the boy huffs. “I don’t like having to hurt people, really.” But he would, hung unspoken in the air.

“Leave her alone, Darren.” The voice is unfamiliar, low, with a rasp to it.

Emma whirls around to the girl stalking toward them. She’s...dangerous looking, leather jacket slung around her broad shoulders, green eyes boring unwaveringly into the aggressive pill-pusher.

The boy - Darren - backs up quickly. “N-Noelle? I didn’t know you were back in town. I’m just trying to run a business, okay?”

Noelle doesn’t speak, just wrenches the bag out of Darren’s hands and flings it onto the roof.

“You bitch!” Darren hesitates, glaring, then turns tail and runs.

The other girl watches him go, the ghost of a smirk on her lips. Up close, she’s taller than Emma, but only just.

It’s like the bubble of nervous energy inside her just bursts, and Emma blurts out, “W-wow, that was...kind of amazing -uh, amazingly stupid!”

Noelle hums, glancing at her. Emma doesn’t miss the way her eyes drift down to her stomach and back. “You gotta fight like with like.”

Emma laughs, a tittering little sound that she hates. She bites her lip, hard. “You’re lucky it didn’t come to a fight.”

The other girl shrugs, unbothered. “I like my chances better than yours.”

Okay...fair.

Noelle sighs, swiping a hand through her bangs to push them out of her chiseled face. “You should get out of here. I can’t spend all day playing guardian angel.”

“Oh.” The comment rubs her the wrong way, but Emma brushes it off. After all, she did call the girl’s heroics stupid. Maybe...maybe there’s a way to make it up to her? “Unless…you’re new, right? Maybe I can repay the favor and show you around?”

Noelle raises a brow. “How do you know I’m new?”

Not an outright rejection, Emma can work with that. She smiles. “I happen to know pretty much everyone here.”

“Don’t be so sure.”

“So you’ve been invisible the past four years? I would definitely have remembered you.” The last part comes out without her even thinking it.

Green eyes drop to the ground, expression shuttering off. “I’ve...been away.”

“Like on a trip?”

“Not exactly.”

Emma pauses. She honestly can’t tell what the other girl is thinking. “You...don’t seem to like answering questions.”

Noelle’s lips twist into a humorless smile. “I’m told it’s one of my best character traits.”

Emma’s heart pangs. That’s messed up. “I’m not sure who told you that. It’s...sad. It keeps people away.”

“Sometimes it’s better that way.” Her voice is flat, either matter-of-fact or defeated. Who’s to tell?

“Not always,” Emma shoots back, challenging.

Noelle studies her curiously, weighing her words. She runs her tongue over her lips, then clicks it against her teeth, coming to a decision. “Fine. So, hypothetically, let’s say I take you up on this offer. What are you gonna do? Draw me a map or something?”

Emma snorts. She’s dismal at drawing. “I’d give you a tour. The campus has changed a lot the last few years, and I know all the best new spots. Besides, I’m not letting you get away that easy.”

She means it as a joke, but - she means it as something else, too.

Noelle’s back straightens, and there’s a renewed interest in her gaze. She gives her an easy grin. “I like the sound of that. Alright, I’m in.”

Something in Emma’s chest swoops. She can’t help but beam. “Welcome to Eastridge High tour extraordinaire.”

She takes the other girl around the school, pointing out landmarks important and trivial. Noelle opens up, not by much, but enough that Emma gets a glimpse of who she is underneath all the stoic backtalk. Intuitive, dry humor in spades, and…

And maybe...very, very attractive.

Emma’s only ever really had a crush on Ava, so she’s not totally sure what her type is, but damn. Apparently badasses check a lot of her boxes.

They wind up at the greenhouse, bequeathed by wealthy alum’s generous donation. It’s dubbed the Garden of Truth, the legend going that questions asked near the fountain in the center must be answered truthfully, with a magical limit of one a day.

Noelle chuckles, like legitimately chuckles. “You have to be making that up. Right?”

Emma tuts, kneeling to dip her fingers in the fountain’s water. “One question only, so choose wisely.”

Noelle looks up at all the hanging plants, the vines climbing towards the ceiling. “You first.”

Are you into girls?

“Have you ever been in love?” Close enough, right?

Noelle stiffens. “No,” she says, sharply, then reconsiders. “Maybe. I had feelings for someone I- someone I shouldn’t have.”

No pronouns. No closer to an answer for that, then. There’s silence for a moment, Emma tracing patterns on the water’s surface.

“You looked upset when you showed up at the parking lot today. Why?”

Emma jumps, drenching her sleeve. She stands. “I wasn’t - ”

Noelle sends her a look. “We’re in the Garden of Truth, remember? Be honest.”

Emma takes a deep breath. It might be nice to tell someone, someone with no stake in the fight. “I found out the girl I like is dating my best friend.” She wraps her arms around herself, holding Noelle’s gaze. “N-no one knows that I’m… Don’t tell anyone.” Her voice actually quivers.

Noelle reaches out and puts a hand on Emma’s arm. “I won’t. I’m good at keeping secrets.” She takes her hand back, and Emma immediately misses its warmth. “This girl… Does she know how you feel?”

Emma’s vision clouds with tears. “No.”

Noelle tilts her head, eyes crinkling in sympathy. “Figures. It’s hard to imagine someone turning you down.”

It isn’t hard for Emma - that seems to be all she has been able to imagine. The way Ava’s mouth would hang open, the way she would back away, turn her down. How it would get out, first to the cheer squad and then to the whole school. There’d be whispers, cruel jokes, pity. Everything would change.

They walk back out. Emma spots a few cheerleaders lounging around a picknick table in the courtyard. They wave her over.

Noelle slows, shoving her hands in her light-wash jeans pockets. “Looks like that’s the end of the tour. Bye for now, Cheer Squad.” She walks off before Emma can reply.

“...Bye?”

Her steps felt lighter as she joined the group. Like Noelle had lifted the weight since the Ava-Mason bombshell went off this morning. A distraction, if only for a few minutes.

Ava’s watching her with a somewhat shell-shocked expression. “Emma, I can’t believe you were talking to Noelle Harris!”

To her right, Lauren looks delighted. She twirls a lock of black hair in her manicured fingers, eyes sharp. “Don’t you know who she is?”

Emma searches the team’s faces for a hint, but she can’t find one. “What, is she famous or something?” It’s meant to be sarcastic, but she’s so confused it comes of as genuine.

Toni clears a spot for her, patting the bench. “You’d better sit down. You need to hear the truth about her!”

Taking trepidatious steps, Emma has the sinking feeling she’s gotten herself further into a mess.

#playchoices #choices mftl #mftl

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izzy-b-hands · 4 years

Text

Kloktober, Oct. 8th: Prophecy or Vacation Time

Waited till the last minute for this one, because I couldn’t decide which one to do lmao. Since I ruined their vacation in a previous prompt, I decided to try Vacation Time again to see what I could come up with.

Synopsis: Charles is overworked, we all know that. Dethklok, however? Not as aware. Not even if a doctor tells them, and advises them that this should change, at least temporarily. Burning questions asked and answered in this fic: Can they give Charles a decent vacation? Do they pay taxes? What is a CFO even?

TW for brief mentions of mental health re: Charles.

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“I’m telling you he’ll have a breakdown,” the doctor said.

“So...he’s fine,” Nathan said.

“No...I specifically said he is not fine,” the doctor replied.

“Hes can keeps beings the CFOs?” Skwisgaar asked.

“He doesn’t need to quit,” the doctor said. “He just needs a break. A good few weeks to a month of a vacation-”

“A month?!” Pickles shouted. “And what the hell do we do for a month?”

“Whatever you normally do?” the doctor asked, puzzled.

“I mean...wes don’t wants him to die,” Toki said. “Right?”

Nathan nodded. “That would suck.”

“Haves to pays for a funerals,” Skwisgaar said.

“Do our own taxes,” Pickles moaned.

“Do...do we pay taxes?” Nathan asked softly.

“Everyone pays taxes,” the doctor answered.

“This ams a privates conversations!” Toki cried. “Who even ams yous?!”

“I...I’m just gonna leave my bill on Mr. Offdensen’s desk,” the doctor said. “And make sure he’s set in his room, and understands that if he keeps working, it will be against all medical advice.”

“Does whats you must!” Skwisgaar shouted. “Just goes!”

“So what do we do?” Pickles whined nervously after the doctor left. “We can’t go without a CFO that long, can we?”

“...reminds me what ams a CFO again?” Toki asked.

“Money guy,” Nathan replied.

“And that means?”

Nathan shrugged. “Taxes, apparently. Who fuckin’ knew, right?”

“Maybes wes give hims a week or twos,” Skwisgaar said. “And then if hes ams better, greats. If nots...wes figures it out then.”

“Yeah, like in pieces,” Nathan said. “So it doesn’t feel like he’s gone forever.”

“Wheres does we send him?” Toki pondered.

Murderface, who had been oddly quiet and observing, nodded. “I know what we do. We each pick a place to schend him, so he gets five weeks away. And it’sch like a present! Cuz we chose where he schould go!”

“That’s such a good idea!” Pickles said. “Specially since we forgot to get him a birthday gift for the last...uh...seven years? Give or take one?”

“I gives hims a gift cards every year,” Skwisgaar said. “Yous ams just unthinkings assholes.”

“What?” Pickles asked. “Since when?”

“Since he first starteds!” Skwisgaar cried. “I haves a reminder on my calendars. It amn’ts hard.”

“We’re off-topic!” Nathan growled. “We gotta decide where to send him...”

---

“So, I’m being forced to go on vacation?”

“Yeah,” Nathan replied.

“And first I’m going to...Sweden?”

“They wanteds to send you to an Ikeas,” Skwisgaar said. “I convinced thems this was better.”

“Thank you,” Charles said. “And then-”

“Florida!” Nathan cheered. “You’re welcome.”

“Neat,” Charles said, not a hint of emotion in his voice. “Then I go to...New York?”

“Yeah!” Pickles said. “Good food, good booze, lots of shit to do! Perfect.”

“I’m giving you the best one,” Murderface said. “A ticket to North Dakota, to Medora! I mean, you’re gonna get driven out there, they don’t have an airport. Rustic, prairie air! They even got a musical, just like a big city!”

“Uh huh,” Charles nodded. “Have you ever been?”

“Nah,” Murderface replied. “Too small a place for me.”

“I gives yous nots a ticket,” Toki said softly, almost sounding nervous. “Buts moneys. So yous can books a ticket wherevers you ams wanting for your last weeks away. I couldn’t thinks of a place to sends you, ams sorry.”

That stopped him cold. “That’s...perfectly okay, Toki. Thank you.”

“Bes okay,” Toki said, and wrapped him in a hug. “Have a goods time.”

“Don’t get too drunk!” Pickles added.

“Fucks some people, have funs with it,” Skwisgaar smiled.

“If you get the chance to like, go fishing...way more fun than you’d think,” Nathan said.

“Eat schome decent food!” Murderface scolded. “Scho damn skinny, livin’ on what? Adderall and coffee and cocaine? Have a sandwich or schomething.”

“I will...do most of that,” Charles smiled. The odd heavy fog that had settled over him for the past year wasn’t gone, but he could see a bit through it, in the moment. “Thank you all. Honestly. I know the klokateers will look after you while I’m away, but I appreciate your willingness to let me do this.”

“Plane is waitin’ for ya,” Pickles sniffled. “Get goin’, chief.”

He could see the tears in their eyes, and nodded. “See you all in five weeks.”

He didn’t expect it, but they followed him out, and waved at his plane as he flew away.

There had been worries in his mind, about coming back after this vacation. If he could still do the job.

But he would come back, and do his best. For them, and the care that they apparently did have for him, somewhere deep in their hearts.

#text post #LeeH writes #metalocalypse #metalocalypse fic #kloktober

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