#can you even begin to imagine how many of my most important relationships came from of all places gaia online and tungl.hell

[kaijutegu]

Yesterday, I went to Baltimore with the intention of visiting a friend in hospice. Her health had taken a sharp nosedive over the weekend, and on Monday evening, the doctors said she maybe had a week left.

What actually happened was I went to Baltimore to help clean out her stuff, because she died at 8:44 on Tuesday morning and my plane didn't land until 8:50. So me and another friend helped another friend/her roommate (before hospice) find important documents, as well as save sentimental items for her actual loved ones because her family, well.

Her friends were her family. But because she died intestate, the people in her family of choice were entitled to nothing under the law. Instead of her beloved, disabled partner, her estranged family has legal rights to her savings bonds and the rest of her estate. (Sometimes common-law partners can inherit but they weren't together long enough to meet that criterion.)

I knew this was coming for a long time. You don't recover from the brain cancer she had. But it still really hurts. And knowing that people she hadn't spoken to in years are getting that money instead of the person she loved most... well, that hurts too.

Please, if you don't have one already, make a will. It's not hard. We don't like to think about it, because nobody likes thinking about post-death legal matters, but you need to make a will. If you're in the US, you can use websites like Free Will. You don't need an estate attorney or anything like that. In many states, a notarized letter is fine. I don't know enough about international estate law to say anything in that regard, but take half an hour to google estate laws in your jurisdiction and put together a will.

If something happened to you tomorrow, who do you want taking care of your pets? Do you have a collection of anything that you want looked after? Do you want your money to go to a person, a charity, or something else specific? If you don't have kids, everything reverts to a spouse. If you don't have a spouse, it goes to your parents. I know I don't want to burden my parents with figuring out what to do with my tegu, my skeletal collection, or my library. But if I died tomorrow, my will would take care of all of that. Thinking about mortality isn't fun, but dying intestate is worse. Make a will.

#death cw #her name was Constance but we all called her Corn #I met her in 2006 on an art adoptable sub forum of an anime forum and we'd been friends ever since #can you even begin to imagine how many of my most important relationships came from of all places gaia online and tungl.hell #it's so many

[uniquetosmbody]

Howdy i love your art and i was curious what are the characters roles in you recent zosan au. Sanji and nami are dancers, zoro some important client of some kind, but like who are ace and luffy in this

I imagine this au like this:

The reference (base of the story) was a very famous TV series (magnificent century), so if you know it, you can immediately understand a lot:

Sanji, Nami, Vivi and others are dancers, concubines in the possession of an influential person (I do not know who from the characters lol)

Crocodile is their mentor, gives instructions, and hires all concubines. Everything goes by his order

Zoro is an influential traveler, a bounty hunter. He came to visit a friend (?) or just an honorable person.

Luffy and Ace are ones of the many employees of this house. Cleaning, laundry, training, guards, hunting, etc is their job.

I don't think I'm going to continue this au (I actually created it for fun and didn't think there would be anything further than the first couple arts)

But for the sake of just expanding a lil bit the universe of this au:

1. I wanted to add Usopp as Sanji's best friend. He with Nami and Vivi could dissuade /insist on continuing the relationship with Zoro/ Ace

2. Among the readers' ideas, I liked that Crocodile has feelings for Sanji. (He may be hiding it, but he is secretly jealous Sanji to any guest he need to spend time with)

3. I'm sure Sanji is not the only guy among the dancers. Who are the others? Maybe you can find out in the future.

4. The seed for the next chapter: Hiyori is waiting for Zoro around the corner, and when she encounters him "accidentally" asks to take her to the concubines' room. Zoro agrees to let the situation with Sanji out of his head, but he can't do it. Along the way, he doesn't even listen to the conversation. They run into Sanji at the door. Hiyori does not miss the chance to openly flirt with Zoro in front of Sanji. Sanji immediately runs into the room, being in shock.

5. Double jealousy? Perhaps... hehe

6. From the very beginning, I wanted to add Doflamingo, Law and other characters, but they need suitable roles. So far, I have neither ideas nor the desire to add them.

So that's how it is~

Thank you so much for the support🫶 I really appreciate it

maybe one day I’ll continue this au, but I need time for plot cause atm it doesn’t have it 😂

That’s the most recent part of the dancer au im talking about, in case someone doesn’t know what I’m talking about, there’s also a link in it to other parts 🫂

#zosan comic #sanji x zoro #zoro x sanji

[ranmaruswife]

Force Live & Pablo Picasso -

A Lyrical Analysis

In honor of Shining Live's 6th Anniversary, I thought I would post a write-up on one of the game's first theme songs, Force Live.

You may not know this but the opening line to the song, “I do not seek. I find.” is a quote famously attributed to Pablo Picasso, one of the most influential artists in history. It can be found in a 1936 article titled ‘A Trend in English Draughtsmanship’ by Graham Sutherland, another famous abstract artist who took great inspiration from the works of Piccaso.

Now this is particularly interesting because Picasso also often spoke on how an artist must “steal” from other artists, lest their work become stale. He was also famously quoted as saying “Success is dangerous. One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility.” Which to me speaks volumes about Quartet Night’s rivalrous relationship with each other. They do not allow themselves to be satisfied as they are. They always seek to achieve greater heights. And to do that they find that which they lack in each other.

Going back to Force Live, there is a phrase in the final chorus that ties into this idea - 一つに束ねよう（一つになろう） 足りないエレメント（重ね合って） translating to Let’s tie each other into one (Let’s become one) Our lacking elements (Overlapping)

Speaking on the subject of elements, I actually find it very interesting the specific elements each of them were assigned in this song. Particularly Reiji. It is easy enough to see why Ranmaru would get lines about fire, while Camus gets lines about ice. And Ai even has the kanji for wind in his name. But Reiji was given light as his element. Whereas one would more typically assume earth. This can also lead us back to Picasso, though!

Not only does Piccaso have another famous quote about how an artist can transform a simple yellow spot into the sun, but he also pioneered the concept of painting with light, where one takes a light source in a darkened space and moves it around to draw a picture while taking a long exposure photograph.

Now there are more lines in Force Live that can bring us back to art and to this innovative artist. The most obvious being 歴史（ヒストリー）のキャンバスに描け or “paint on the canvas of history.” To quote Picasso once again, “I don't believe in accidents. There are only encounters in history. There are no accidents.” And Quartet Night often sing about their fated meeting and the importance of the bond they have built with one another. Despite the times they have fought and quarreled and nearly lost their way, they still always come back to each other. Rising from the ashes only stronger and hungrier for success.

AND ON THAT NOTE- the main lyrical motif in Force Live is them speaking of all their elements as being destructive, but coming together to form something new and better than what they can achieve alone. And to finish out my rant, once again in the words of Picasso,

“Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.”

And now my own little personal thing (yume warning)- As you can see I find Picasso to be very inspirational and as a yume I have always used another one of his quotes to explain my relationship to others.

Picasso said, "Everything you can imagine is real." Which is a statement I take to heart. Ranmaru might not exist in the way you or I do, but even as a fictional character, he is so influential and impactful. He is real in the sense that he has an image, a voice, music, story, and in my opinion, a soul. Many know him and love him. He has changed lives. Including mine. And in that sense, he is very, very real. No matter how much I may have to "imagine" him.

And since I always used this quote to put things into perspective for other people before Force Live came out, it meant a lot to me to have him quote the same artist. To feel that Ranmaru was inspired by Picasso as I have been. It feels really nice to have yet another connection to the love of my life through song ♡

#uta no prince sama #utapri #shining live #quartet night #force live

[iliketoydinosaurs]

Essay on Sam and Dean’s childhood

Heyyy here’s my essay on Sam and Dean’s childhood and how it affects the show. I wrote it for English class so it’s a little tedious. Edited for tumblr.

Sam never saw his childhood the way Dean did. In “Just My Imagination”(11x08), it’s shown that Sam had an imaginary friend because he was so alone all the time. In that episode we see the lines,

SAM. I was kind of a lonely kid, Dean. 

DEAN. You weren’t lonely, you had me!

This shows that while Dean had thought he had taken care of Sam, Sam never really saw it that way. This largely comes from the fact that though Dean physically took care of Sam, Sam was still emotionally neglected. In this episode we also see that both John and Dean are away on a hunt, so he was being physically neglected at times as well. Sam was Dean’s responsibility from a very young age, something John enforced heavily. Dean’s whole life was centered around his family and taking care of Sam, but Sam saw their family, particularly their father, as what it was: neglectful and abusive. Dean was too young to have the emotional tools to truly take care of another child, especially considering he was emotionally neglected himself. Though Sam liked Dean significantly more than their father, Sam’s neglect still caused him to resent Dean. When he grows up he understands more how his brother was also just a kid.

In “Dark Side of the Moon”(05x16) Dean gets mad at Sam because all of Sam’s memories are when Sam was away from John, Dean, and hunting. We see one of Dean’s memories with their mother, Mary, from when he was four. In the memory Mary and John had gotten in a fight, and Dean tells Mary that John loves her, and he loves her. When Sam sees this he says, “I just didn’t realize how long you’d been cleaning up Dad’s messes.” One of Dean’s most treasured memories is consoling his mother, and Sam sees it and instantly takes it as Dean’s first instance of apologizing for his dad’s behavior. It’s obvious why they view this memory so differently when you consider that Dean has been explaining away his father’s behavior his whole life, but Sam never had to. Sam grew up with a less rose-colored-glasses view of his family, that Dean never had the luxury of. Whether it was between Mary and John, Sam and John, John and himself, Dean had to be the peacekeeper. This was only exacerbated when Mary died, John telling Dean he had to protect Sam no matter what, living on the road with little contact outside of his father, and the isolation that comes from being on the run and having to keep something like monsters a secret. Dean had to adapt to be like his father, this is often shown by characters calling him “daddy’s blunt little instrument.” These two episodes showcase how differently they view their childhoods; Dean with nostalgia(even in situations he maybe shouldn’t), and Sam with hurt and cynicism. 

What’s interesting is that when John dies, they flip opinions on him. For the first time in his whole life, Dean can safely assess how he feels about his father. And he’s pissed. Sam on the other hand, ever the optimist, begins to regret fighting with their dad so much. 

Dean and Sam’s unhealthy relationship is also largely influenced by their childhood. Because of their upbringing, Dean is overly attached to his brother. And with John constantly telling Dean that his one job was to protect Sam, Dean quickly came to the conclusion that Sam’s life was more important than his own. While Dean is overly attached to Sam, Sam is never quite as clingy. This disconnect greatly affects the show and causes many fights. When Dean gets back from purgatory in season 8, he’s upset that Sam never looked for him. In season 9, Sam is about to die. Dean makes a deal with Gadreel/Ezekial to possess Sam and heal him. This inevitably goes sideways. In the episode “The Purge”(09x13) Sam shouts at Dean that Dean should’ve just let him die and we see,

DEAN. Alright, you want to be honest, if the situation was reversed, and I was dying, you’d do the same thing.

SAM. No Dean, I wouldn’t. Same circumstances, I wouldn’t. I’m heading to bed.

Not only does Sam directly tell Dean that he’s done with constantly bringing each other back from the dead, he’s dismissive and he leaves. 

This is a perfect example of their attachment styles, and how they differ. Dean has a fearful-avoidant attachment style, resulting in his massive fear of abandonment. Dean is terrified of getting close to people, especially non-hunters, as he fears it will end in death or pain, but Dean wants nothing more than to be loved. When monsters are trying to upset Dean, the first thing they do is use Sam (and others) to say Dean is a burden. This is also shown by how Dean processes emotions, by refusing to talk about it, until he has an angry outburst. After Castiel’s season 12 death, Dean says nothing about Cas’s death, but punches a door until his knuckles bleed when alone. This contrasts—and conflicts— with Sam’s avoidant attachment style. Sam withholds a lot of information from Dean, like in “After School Special”(04x13), it’s shown that in high school Sam was bullied and got into a fight, something he never told Dean or his dad. Sam has very few emotionally close relationships and he’s independent to a fault. Sam is more aware of this though, and more determined to have a normal life, so he tries many times to stop this behavior by getting in relationships, but his partners all die, betray him, or he leaves them, so by the end of the show he’s largely given up on normalcy. This is one of the reasons their relationship gets more unstable and codependent as the show goes on. Sam also has a tendency to bury his own feelings (especially when Cas dies) and deflects by trying to make Dean talk about his, which largely just ends in fights. Dean’s attachment style was shaped by not connecting to anyone outside his family. Sam’s was mostly shaped by not being cared for as a child.

And, of course, they were both shaped by John’s abuse. It would be pretty hard to dispute that John emotionally abused and neglected the both of them. And there’s many implications that he physically abused Dean (I will also point out that from my memory it’s never really implied that Sam was physically abused, so take that as you will. I could be missing something though). To name a few:

DEAN. Well, you don’t remember, do you? You ran away on my watch. I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead. And when Dad came home… (05x16)

DEAN. He'd be furious. That I wasted a bullet. He wouldn’t be proud of me, he’d tear me a new one. You’re not my dad. (01x22)

Anyways I could go on but I think I’m done for now. 

#can you tell i have autism #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #i hate john winchester #character analysis

[westernfrontier]

In Memoriam

Yesterday, I bought Alice Winn's debut novel In Memoriam. I hadn't heard of her or the book and only happened upon it in Waterstones but let me tell you it was brilliant. I read the whole thing in one night and finally fell asleep after the sun had come up. In Memoriam takes place during WW1 and follows the stories of Henry Gaunt and Sidney Ellwood, from their English boarding school to the front lines of war. It is first and foremost a love story, but it also depicts the horrors of war and the friendships they forge. It's a rather sad read, as I'm sure you can imagine and Winn's writing makes it so vivid.

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

A fair portion of the opening chapters are written through letters between Ellwood and Gaunt, whilst Ellwood is still at school and Gaunt has joined up to the war effort. What marks the end of this correspondence and finally forces Ellwood to decide to leave the comfort of school to join the front lines is a letter from Gaunt where he tells Ellwood of the horrors of war. Prior to this he'd been keeping the letters quite sanitary and since we as the readers haven't seen much from Gaunt's side either, it comes as quite a shocking plunge from Ellwoods' school antics to the reality of the trenches. I would say it's the first turning point in the book and what he writes is both poignant and revealing. He describes how he saw men dying from gas (I won't go into too many gory details), the fear of going into No Man's Land and how when he stood amongst the fallen bodies of his comrades he writes 'I stood on the most God-forsaken patch of earth I ever hope exists and I thought: I wonder how Elly is.'. Whilst this is only the beginning, the letter was so memorable even by the end. Besides Gaunt and Ellwood, there were many great characters whom I came to love. Especially Gaunts friends from the Offizierslager (a type of German war camp specifically for commissioned officers) that he is sent to in the second half of the story. In particular, Gideon Devi and Archie Pritchard, with whom he attempts to escape. It's funny, there are so many names who get mentioned and then pop up later that make you go 'oh it's him!'. This section of the story also works to break up the intense front line action that the story has so far been packed with and gives you a welcome respite to relax and not worry about any of the characters you like dying horrifically. The story has a lot of dry wit comedy that makes you laugh at the most unexpected times, but this section is especially amusing in a way and knowing how things are going on Ellwoods end has you holding onto it. I also loved Hayes, whose friendship with both Gaunt and Ellwood (though he might not admit to the second one) was so important to the story. The way he supports Gaunt and goes on to look after Ellwood after he leaves. Which brings me onto the scene when Hayes gives Ellwood Gaunt's final letter, which was so perfectly written and heart-breaking (that Hayes even thinks to give it to him at all when it's only one line). And lastly, the ending. To be perfectly honest, the ending is my only point of contention with this book. Not because I think it's bad, more realistic in a way that makes me sad after everything they went through to get there. It ends on an uplifting note, suggests that things will get better but still, I feel sad for Gaunt even whilst I understand how everything has built up to make Ellwood the way that he is. I just wish they could've been a little happier, that Ellwood could've been a little less angry. And also maybe that the two could've discussed some things a bit more about the history of their relationship that I think needed to be said. But 10/10 would recommend.

#in memoriam #alice winn #sidney ellwood #henry gaunt

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #72

We have made it safely to Pennsylvania once more. After over 7 hours of driving, J, Br, and I are all safe and warm in the hotel room. I drove a little more than half of the route, and it wasn't so bad. This bodes well, given that I must drive back tomorrow morning. I'm grateful that Br will be with me to keep me company. Driving is always safer when there is more than one set of eyes on the road and more than one person who can take the wheel if necessary. Safety is important, especially for long trips. J, meanwhile, will be flying back in the small plane that he bought - the very same one that I showed you in the 58th letter I wrote to you.

…The second installment of your remade story also comes out today. I am anxious to see what's in store for you (I am very scared about you getting hurt some more…), but J needs my support, and I must prioritize tending properly to my real-world relationships. M will wait to play it until I return home tomorrow. I have asked M to play it instead of me, because… I'm not sure I've got what it takes to press the buttons to make Cloud raise his blade at you. M has no such limitations (and does not mind that I do have them), so…

…Maybe it just means I'm a coward, at least in this regard. Even if you came at me with your sword drawn with the intention to hurt me (impossible, I know), I still don't think I could bring myself to raise a hand at you; you've been through enough already. I'd probably just take the hit and, if I'm still conscious, look up at you, wondering why.

J, Br, and I went to an awesome place to get dinner. I can't share it with you, sadly. But I did take a few pictures. Here:

I also took a few pictures on the drive up, during the portions when J drove. And when it was my turn to drive, J took a few pictures for you, too (I'm so lucky that he's this supportive of me!!). Here:

I don't know what the future holds. I'm scared for you. I don't want you to get hurt anymore. I don't want you to have to do difficult things anymore. I don't want you to be in pain anymore. Haven't you already been put through enough? Haven't you, with your childhood and most of your adulthood being the way it was, been punished enough?

You shouldn't have had to face such punishment just for having come into being. But such was your lot, just as it is for so many of us in my world. Such was my lot. Such was the lot of so many people I love. I look around, and I can't help but wonder… hasn't there been enough senseless suffering? What is it going to take to get everyone to stop punishing each other? What is it going to take to get them to stop punishing themselves? I wish I knew…

Sephiroth. I hope, sincerely and with every fiber of my being, that your story might be able to light the way to recovery for so many people in my world. I hope that once it's all said and done, you will be able to enjoy the peaceful, ordinary life that you so desperately wanted. I hope to see you build a life for yourself that is full of loving friends and mostly free of pain. I want to see a life for you in which the problems are solvable with sufficient self-reflection and communication.

…If nothing else, I hope someday you'll be able to look at me, and see that such a thing is possible. Even if I have my struggles still from time to time, a peaceful, wholesome life after cruelty and despair is still possible. And if it's possible even for someone as silly and derpy and clumsy and broken as me… I can't even begin to imagine the kinds of wonders that someone as amazing as you can do.

I want to see just how brightly you can shine - and not in the ways that most people seem to define what it means to truly shine. Words such as "strength", "courage", and "dedication" have a different meaning for me than they do for most other people, it seems. Maybe you've picked up on that by now, if you've read everything else I've tried to convey to you at this point.

Sephiroth. You can do it. You can make good choices. You can act in ways that are gentle and loving. You can make a peaceful life for yourself and for everyone on your planet. You can break free of your conditioning and from all those who would seek to exploit or control you. You can forge genuinely loving relationships based on mutual care and respect. Sephiroth, I believe in you. And I will believe in you for as long as this defective body of mine still clunks around in my broken world. And I will still believe in you even long after that - no matter how many times you fall down. I will be right here. I'll always be right here.

You are loved. So please… please keep yourself safe out there. Please don't disappear.

In return, I will do my best to keep myself safe on the road on the way back so that I can write to you again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

#sephiroth #ThankYouFFVIIDevs #ThankYouFF7Devs #ThankYouSephiroth #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy vii crisis core #final fantasy 7 crisis core #final fantasy crisis core #ffvii crisis core #ff7 crisis core #crisis core #ff7r #final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy 7 remake #ffvii remake #ff7 remake #final fantasy vii rebirth #final fantasy 7 rebirth #ffvii rebirth #ff7 rebirth #final fantasy 7 ever crisis #ffvii ever crisis #ff7 ever crisis #ffvii first soldier #road trip #apprehension #wholesome

[captain-of-silvenar]

Based on @thana-topsy's OC asks, I'll answer some of them with as my Skyrim Dragonborn, Yera!

Which areas of Skyrim do they find most beautiful and most dangerous?

"Call me bias, but I think Whiterun and Riften are my top two for most beautiful places. The plains of Whiterun have ample space for hunting, and the way the wind blows over the grass is novel and refreshing. Riften, so I've been told, has beautiful trees that turn the most amazing shades of reds and oranges in the autumn. Pity I can't see them, but hearing the leaves rustle reminds me of home. There's also the lake here with plenty of fish, so I eat them when we're out of meat in the house. "The most dangerous I would argue would be The Reach. There are lots of steep cliffs and mountainous areas, and while I love a good hike that stuff is dangerous if I'm not careful. Not to mention all the hostile locals there, out in the mountains and in the city! I'm never going back there again, not if my life depends on it."

What are their religious affiliations, and how does their worship (or lack thereof) affect their day-to-day life?

"Y'ffre is the only God I actively worship in my day-to-day life. As with most Bosmer, our relationship with Them is unique to everyone and everyone has their own interpretations of the Green Pact. I personally try and keep from harming any plant life while I'm in Skyrim. It's difficult, and I know that this is not Valenwood but it still bothers me, you know? Plus I try to keep my diet the same. Also incredibly difficult, but there are plenty of wild game to hunt and no one really appreciates a good fish these days. I just wish I could keep with one of the most important ones, but not killing in self defense is... the most difficult thing to keep in Skyrim. The bandit problem alone made me have to compromise. It's a really pity to be honest."

Would they be able to live off the land if they were lost in the wilds of Skyrim? How skilled are they at foraging and hunting?

"Oh uh... I don't think I would be able to survive for very long in Skyrim off the land. At least alone. I would have to rely mostly on traps and hope that something is there for me to eat. I could hunt with my bow but can you imagine trying to hunt while blind? I'd need an aid for that. Foraging is out of the question, I never bothered learning any of the plant life in Skyrim so I can't do that even in the most dire of situations. So it's a very solid no, but wouldn't that be nice..."

What is their opinion on Skyrim's "bandit problem"?

"By Y'ffre's hairy ballsack, why are there so many of them?!"

Do they believe in snow/sky whales?

"The what now?"

What is their favorite kind of food that can only be found in Skyrim?

"Mammoth stew and cheese! Especially the cheese, you can't get this specific kind anywhere else in the world but in Skyrim. I don't get why people are so particular when I mention it, every time I've had some mammoth cheese it's been the best so far. And the mammoths here, when you can hunt one down, are fatty from the winters and reduce splendidly in a slow stew. Reminds me of the one my dad makes back at home, but the mammoths there are a bit more lean. And no cheese."

Do they believe the old nordic tales about the Dragonborn? If they are Dragonborn how has their experience differed?

"I didn't in the beginning. Funny, considering I'm the Dragonborn. But you have to understand I came to Skyrim to run away from the Thalmor. I wasn't even supposed to stay in Skyrim. Plus I didn't even want the title, I tried running away from that as well. But... circumstances changed, and I've now dedicated myself to this country as a Hero of Legend. And I'm fine with that. I'm happy with it and I've done a lot of work to help out these people, regardless if they can't believe a Bosmer can be a Dragonborn. It doesn't matter; I'm here and I'm here to stay and protect. Don't need the people's approval to do that."

How are they with money? Do they hoard, or do they spend until their pockets are empty and they have to find work again? Have they saved for any houses?

"I have so much of it. I have literal bags of it, it's ridiculous. Lydia has to help me count the coins into bags to put into a safe. A safe! I have a safe in my house to keep my money out of sight, it's so funny. Between cave diving, dungeon crawling, and work sometimes as a Dragonborn I have enough money for a house in every Hold if I really wanted to. But nah, I keep most of it for extreme emergencies and for Lydia to use for whatever. I don't really ask for much luxuries, it's not that useful to me. Except for those really nice boots... or that nice waterproof backpack. Hey Lydia, can we go shopping before we head out again? I want to check Balimund for some new stuff. No, I promise it's for good things this time. That last one had a purpose, I swear-"

Can they read?

"In a vague sense. I have this really sticky ink from home that if you write with it, it leaves a raised surface when dried. But it's hard to get from Valenwood to Skyrim, and I have to focus really hard to write. I don't let anyone use it, you have to write slow with it. There are some braille books in Skyrim, but books were never really that important at home nor do they seem that important in Skyrim unless you're a scholar. Not to say I hate them, but I prefer someone reading them out to me."

#yera oakvine #bosmer #tes #skyrim #shadytext #answered ask

[ichinoue]

Hello! Do you think in the future there's possibility of Kubo makes a story focused on Ichigo and Orihime's love relationship? Like the concept he did with WDKALY. Idk but I have that impression that Kubo was not really into Ichihime? I mean.. He made their chemistry very implicitly, only people who read it thoroughly would understand their development (as we can see there are so many readers who failed to see it) . Let's stick with his clarification about how Bleach is a shounen story that wasn't focused on romance, but he could executed the romantic atmosphere for RenRuki, even from the earlier arc when Renji showed us so many times about how important Rukia for him. We could see that Rukia and Renji always stick to each other in almost every arcs, it's not difficult for us to see their lovely dynamic. But it's kinda 'dry' for IchiHime, to the level of me who ship them from 2008 found it's make sense that those IR said that IH is lack of moments. Kubo prolly understands clearly that many people would hate it if he writes a story a focused on IH, since we know Orihime has a handful of haters everywhere. I could understand it. He even let it to our imagination on how Ichigo and Orihime went through their relationship. Did you ever think that way too? (Sorry for my awful grammar, I'd love to see your response)

Nah, I don't think he would make a story based on their relationship. I think we would still see them featured as a couple, of course, in any future works involving Ichigo and Orihime like we saw in the special Hell verse chapter, but their relationship wouldn't be the main focus of the story. Bleach is a shounen after all, so a spin-off about a romantic couple doesn't seem very fitting to me. If you mean a novel rather than a spin-off, WDKALY already addressed how their relationship came to be, and even WDKALY was not solely based on the RR love relationship; rather, it was used as a means to catch up with the characters and events happening in SS and Karakura following the war, culminating with Renji and Rukia's wedding and Ichigo's confession to Orihime.

I don't agree that IH was too implicit to notice or understand. I think the reason many readers failed to see that it was being written with the intention of becoming a romantic couple in the end was because they had already pinned their hopes on the more popular main male/female pairing from the very beginning, which generated an extreme dislike for IH as a result for being the direct competition, and so they weren't looking at the pairings objectively, which created a lot of denial and confirmation bias. Even in IH's most obvious moments, they still closed their eyes and shook their heads in denial.

And I love RR, but I don't think RR received more focus than IH? In the SS arc, sure, but IH received a lot more focus in all of the rest of the arcs. Starting from the arrancar arc, no other pairing received as much screentime or content as IH did. You say that Kubo executed a romantic atmosphere for RR via Renji's feelings for Rukia, which is true. But I think you're forgetting that Kubo did the exact same thing with IH via Orihime's feelings for Ichigo--and I would argue that IH and Orihime's feelings were even more explicit and "shoujo-esque" as it included Orihime's very explicit love confession, a hand-hold, and an almost kiss in "goodbye, halcyon days."

I think it's laughable for IR shippers to claim that IH had little screentime or moments. I compiled a list of IH manga moments here, and it's very extensive, spanning the entire manga. As I said before, IH received more screentime and content than any other pairing. Meanwhile, IR's screentime greatly plateaued after the SS arc.

So, I disagree. I don't think Kubo was uninterested in IH at all. I think if that were the case, he wouldn't have written so much content for IH. And I think if he were uninterested in it, he definitely wouldn't have made some of the most pinnacle moments of bleach so IH-centric (the arrancar/HM arcs, the Grimmjow/Nnoitra/Ulquiorra battles, the lust arc, and most importantly, the "final boss" battle against Yhwach).

I don't think Kubo cared about the hate for Orihime or IH. It clearly didn't deter him from writing a lot of IH/Orihime content, and he said himself on twitter that he would write more screentime for Orihime out of spite when people would complain or send him hate about her. Someone even compiled a graph showing that Orihime had the second most panel time in Bleach, with Ichigo being the obvious first. He wasn't concerned with catering to the haters, or holding back out of fear that it wouldn't be well received.

Basically, I think Kubo did a great job executing the romantic relationship between Ichigo and Orihime. He gave them plenty of content and development. To me, it doesn't make sense for people to complain that we didn't see their relationship confirmed until the final chapter, because that is basic shounen formula: to hold off pairing up the main characters until the very end, with a marriage and kids reveal.

As Kubo said, romance is only supplementary, after all. But even so, he still gave us more than that by confirming in WDKALY that Ichigo had been harbouring romantic feelings for Orihime for quite some time, and he created through words and a beautiful drawing the moment that Ichigo approaches Orihime to confess/ask her out.

And I think that's more than enough for a shounen.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

You mentioned Meredith Vickers from Prometheus in blorbo post and HOLY SHIT, you've thrown me right back in the blorbo trenches. I watched that movie to kill time, and came out of gnawing at my own flesh about (im)perfect daughter (im)perfect son subtext... like, god THIS was my Succession long before Succession graced our screens. I have So Many Blorbo Feelings about her! Please share yours as well

!! But exactly this! Yes!

The thing is, there is this really big focus on the dysfunctional relationship between Weyland and David - but most of the time when I engage with the fandom, Vickers is kind of reduced to this secondary bully when really, she's also a deeply wounded person and her relationship to Weyland and her trauma are at least as complex. Even on the more redditor-side of fandom, I've heard a thousand times "why does it matter that Weyland is her father, how is this an important reveal" and this just tells me that they never noticed her as a character, never really engaged with her as anything other than a plot-device. But if you pay attention to her, to her actions, to her rivalry with David - then finding out that she's Weyland's daughter makes all of that fall into place.

There is this really interesting theme where she tries to be as inhuman as possible - immediately doing push-ups after waking from cryosleep while everyone else is puking their guts out, the deleted scene where she is disgusted/annoyed by Janek's little christmas tree, the flamethrower scene, even her clothing and style at the beginning of the movie - which is why Janek asks her if she's a robot, too, but she's deeply offended by the notion (by the way, I once thought about this one AU idea where it turns out that she is, in fact, a robot, and it is kind of a controlled experiment on Weyland's part and she gets away at the end either with Janek or Shaw and she has to work through that).

Like...literally, she is so fascinatingly robotic at times:

She just desperately wants to be good enough, strong enough to be recognised as a human being and a person (and I think this is also a relevant theme about womanhood, the idea of her trying to be recognised as a person, as a child, as an equal to her "brother", of working harder than your male peers just to be taken seriously, acting colder than them to be taken seriously...)

Generally, despite the grand themes, they really break down to an abusive family situation where both children blame each other and envy each other instead of realising that their parent is neglecting and mistreating them both (Though I think David is less caught in than loop, I just don't think it makes as much difference in his books) But also, there is this one deleted scene where she tells David that "these idiots are about to infect my ship🙄🙄🙄🙄" and I loved this moment where they actually formed a small in-group in her eyes, them vs. the idiots...) Also, I like that as I mentioned, her clothing and style is very "robotic" at the beginning, but you can actually see her look become more "human" as the film progresses and I love that too. (Also I love that David actually plays up his own android-ness when he wants to annoy her like 'cup of tea, ma'am?' after she threatened to kill him. Really making her feel like she just yelled at a roomba). I actually believe that because of her resentment of David, she actually comes close to seeing him as a person - because resenting a device would be pointless - but that idea itself is insane and she would sound insane if she brought it up. So she is stuck working side by side with her fucking nemesis who can always hide behind being a fucking machine. Even stuff like David's obsession with Lawrence of Arabia or dying his hair - for everyone else, that's just a funny robot quirk but for her, it's probably maddening as hell. Especially because she doesn't know if he's doing it on purpose or whether she's starting to imagine things. Especially when he's clearly aware of this and can dial it up and down on purpose when he's feeling vindictive)

And then there is her relationship with Weyland. For one, you have the distance between the two of them. Weyland doesn't mention that she is his daughter in the big recorded hologram speech - he only talks about David (and how soulless he is). She literally has a different last name (is she married? were her parents not married? did she take on a different name to step out of his shadow? In fact, even that she is on board is really telling because if she was his heir, you would assume that she wouldn't accompany such a risky, potentially one-way mission, thereby risking the company legacy)

There is so much resentment between Weyland and her - but also, I genuinely believe that she loves her father (unlike David, who is just programmed to obey him - but who Weyland actually talks to and confides in instead of her). We know Weyland has this extreme god-complex where he wants to be a creator and he wants to archieve godhood for humans - for himself - by showing the Engineers everything he has accomplished and that they should give him immortality in return when he's already dying. And then you have Vickers reminding him that "A king has his reign and then he dies" - in a way, she is his reminder of humanity, his memento mori (his human daughter). She is the only person in the universe who can give him her honest opinion, actually freely criticise him - but at the same time, that only causes him to push her away further because he cannot stand that. She sees him as human and she's the only person who cares about him as a human, as her human father, but because he tries to erase that part of himself and become god, she has to watch him destroy himself and take them all with him. For Weyland, creating David was a crowning moment for him, for the entire human species. That was the moment THEY created life and became equals with the Engineers. And as his daughter, she cannot live up to that, no matter how much power and success she has and now much tea David has to pour for her.

I just think she's neat, okay 😭

#prometheus #fandom

[kamyru]

Some ideas about Daimon Togo's possible route

I don't remember making a post about how I think Daimon Togo's route will be. Yet, now that we know he will get his route, I think it's time to awaken my inner fortune teller. So, here are some ideas I have:

He is the only middle-class/below-middle-class LI. I have said in a previous post that it's canon that Ukyo, Kunihiro, and Eiji are from rich families. And taking into consideration that Shu studied in the same school as Eiji, Kuranosuke's family also seems to be at least upper middle class, they also are pretty rich. So, I think that Daimon Togo is the Jun Araki of "Oops! I Said Yes?!" I wouldn't be surprised if they grew up in the same orphanage. A clue to this is that he worked as a tutor for Shu while Shu was in middle school, which means Shu was 12 and 15 years old. That makes Togo 19-23. During Kasai's second season, I somehow calculated that Togo started to work at Miyoshi Concepts when he was 22. So, imagine that this man had to take a part-time job and teach a middle schooler because he didn't make enough money at the beginning of his career. I don't think someone from a wealthy family would do this.

As a continuation to the previous point, I think another reason Kasai and Togo hate each other so much is that one is self-made, while the other inherited fame from his family. I know that Shunichiro Tachibana and Jun Araki don't have anything like this, yet it's a pretty interesting topic to follow in a new game. So, what if Voltage is thinking just like me?

This doesn't have a base, yet I want his route to be the "she fell first, but he fell harder" or Togo to fall the first. I don't remember seeing many routes in Voltage games where they make the man be the one obviously in love with MC before MC understands her feelings. So, Voltage, please let this happen with Togo.

Another thing that I am thinking about is that Togo may not be another Jun Araki. He can be another Tsugumu Kido. I see him as the oldest kid who suddenly became the only money provider in the family. I also see him as a straight-A student with at least three part-time jobs. 

TOGO DIDN'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WHILE HE WAS ABROAD. I want to believe this. Let me believe this, and Voltage, make it real. I want Togo to suffer and be in love with MC even before going abroad. So, as a good family man, I imagine him to be, I don't think he had tried to start a relationship with anyone.

Some of you may have guessed that I am sure he tried to confess his feelings just before he found out about moving abroad. Maybe he even asked MC out and then never came to the date. Who knows?

Another idea I have about him is that there's not a single LI in "Oops! I Said Yes?!" who was in love before. So, there's a possibility Voltage wants to give him a dead girlfriend. Of course, we have Ukyo who encountered death, yet it was something else. It's strange to have six men who had never been in love. That's why I think Togo is qualified to be the one with experience in feelings. 

One more similarity that may occur between "Irresistible Mistakes" and "Oops! I Said Yes?!", but this time between Togo's and Natsume's route is that there's a possibility MC will try to marry Kasai at first and then Togo will stop them. It's more dramatic than what was between Natsume and Shunichiro, but of the same league. Togo's relationship with Kasai is too important not to be used from the first season. 

I feel this may happen, yet I'm not sure how to feel about the possibility of Togo being the Takaomi Tsugaru of "Oops! I Said Yes?!" You know, the most traumatized character that is obviously in love, yet you need an infinite amount of stories and seasons for them to be together. I love traumatized characters, and Tsugaru is in my top 10 Voltage Inc characters. Moreover, I am sure that I can see Togo being traumatized. Yet, I want him to be with MC as fast as the rest of the characters, not after four seasons. 

And that was it. What are your expectations of Togo's route? I hope I didn't bore you too much with my Ted-Talk. Have fun and share your thoughts and love towards Togo with me. 

#her love in the force #irresistible mistakes #oops i said yes #our two bedroom story #takaomi tsugaru #shunichiro tachibana #jun araki #natsume asaoka #ukyo senkawa #kunihiro kasai #daimon togo #kuranosuke kiba #eiji takao #shu hasunuma #tsumugu kido #voltage inc #personal

[the1975attheirverybest]

I’ve had a feeling this was coming. The combination of Matty repeatedly making a point to tell us they aren’t going anywhere, Jamie stressing that this is the last set of shows for a while, and Adams ATPOAIM episode is what did it for me. I couldn’t imagine them jumping right back into another album cycle after the year they’ve had, either. I didn’t even expect this second leg on tour.

It’s heartbreaking to hear confirmation, but besides COVID, they’ve been going nonstop for a decade. Longer breaks just seem inevitable as they get older.

He says a lot of stuff that doesn’t come to pass (he also said they’d take a long break after Notes which didn’t pan out), but he also speaks very deliberately. He seemed nervous when he said it, and the vibe shifted majorly, he knows the weight those words hold. Maybe they’ll make a return in 2025 or 2026 instead of the usual two year cycle.

Anyways, I’m hoping this means his solo project sees the light of day.

Yeah I think you’re right. It’s been a wild ride, the album cycle, right? With everything that’s happened, coming back from Covid and all.

I was talking to @abiiors about this, and, we were saying how this might be a similar thing to what ended up happening with the Arctic Monkeys. There were a few years when they paused. As their families and personal lives grew. And we got TLSP in the meantime. You know?

And, like, let me make a disclaim rn cuz some of y’all in my asks and dms need to fuckin chill. Im NOT saying I don’t want the boys to rest. They SHOULD. It made sense for them to operate the way that they’ve been operating for the past decade because they were establishing a career. They were practically children. From Drive Like I do, to The EPs. By the time ST was a thing they were like 23. They’re grown men in their mid 30s now. Mentally, socially, physically, their lives look very different. They’ve been in serious relationships now. Baby boy Hann is growing up and Hann has been on the road for most of these big important milestones as a father.

It just doesn’t make sense for them to keep going the way that they have been. Ross is now a producer. George has produced a bunch of other records. Matty’s broadened out and made friends with Phoebe and Jack Antonoff (who may or may not be his solo project producer). The boys are growing up. (That’s was going to be the subject of my ‘essay’ on BFIAFL btw. That’s why I’d called it ‘boys to men’ like as a pun on Boys II Men.) that means that their art and their jobs are going to grow and change as well. Slowing down is essential.

And while we’re on the subject, I don’t think that the way they’ve been going for the past 10 years is sustainable. It’s not right. Not healthy. You guys know how Matty always says “we create in the same way that we consume”? It’s true. Because of streaming, post-modernity, etc (especially post-Covid), our consumption of art and entertainment has changed. We have shorter cultural attention spans. A song that came out 6 months ago is already old news today. So, with Notes, Matty has talked about wanting to keep putting out records as long as he has something meaningful to say and as long as culture is hungry for more. And while that might sound like great news for us as fans cuz it just means that we’ll always have new content around the corner. But let’s step back from that for a moment, yes?

That’s not healthy for him. He has already worked himself to the bone over the past ten years. Even at his worst and darkest moments he was making music. And he’s a bit of a workaholic. Sure, he doesn’t have a family just yet, but that doesn’t mean he should do this to himself. Obviously, it’s his world and his life and if he feels okay to keep doing things a certain way, that’s his business. I’m just saying that as fans, our investment in the boys doesn’t begin and end with consumption and creation. I’m interested (as I’m sure many, if not all of us) in his health and sanity. I can cite endless examples of great artists from the past few decades who burnt out hard and crashed because they didn’t want to “waste the moment” or tried to capitalize on their fame when it hit peak levels. I’m personally really proud of Matty for doing this past year clean / off the drugs, and in tip top physical health. What I wish for him, whether he chooses to pursue it or not, is that he would give himself time to be bored. Stop and learn how to deal with the quietness of mundane everyday life. Cuz, that can fuck a person up. Sometimes, when you’re so used to the lifestyle that the boys have lived for the last 10 years, just going home and being with the people that you love feels like torture. And people easily start self-destructive habits to cope with that. I want him to learn all that on his own terms, you know?

My sincerest wish for him is that he will continue the tremendous growth that he’s shown over the last few years. By leaning even harder into the healthy habits that he seems to have established for himself mentally and physically. Not backtrack and fall on the old nonsense. But in order to be able to do one or the other he needs to actually HAVE TIME. We all know this is a real issue for him. That’s what fuckin RoadKill is about. “When I think I won’t die from stopping.” “Not really how babies get made,” etc. it would genuinely be healthy for him to feel like he’s gonna die from stopping and then learn that he won’t actually die.

So that he can come back and be creating from a place of security and mortal dread. To pick up a guitar/ pen/ whatever he uses to write because he wants to and he has something to say, not cuz if he doesn’t, he might go insane.

This is true for all of the boys, Ross is the other ostensibly single one whose immediate private life might feel quiet too. (For all we know. Like he might be in a serious relationship that’s not our business.) really this is true for all 4 of them. And of all the people who have loved and supported them over the past 10 years. This isn’t easy on family and loved ones and their live musicians and crew either.

If they have to miss and album cycle or two, then so be it. Maybe we will get Matty’s solo record. Maybe we’ll get DLID, maybe that weird feature film that he’s been writing for as long as I can remember, maybe, maybe, maybe….. all that would be great but not necessary.

HAVING SAID ALL OF THATTTTT. Let’s not fuck around. For many of us, the 1975 has been the constant, comfort, strength, love, meaning etc. and it going away for however long that will be, is LEGITIMATELY A SAD THING. There is absolutely no reason to minimize or trivialize that pain. Or feel that you are selfish or don’t care about the boys, or any less of a fan, just because you find that having to imagine a future when SATVB isn’t on tomorrow or the day after, and we aren’t hyperfixating on or analyzing Matty’s cryptic speeches or thirsting after his torso extremely sad/ difficult/ bittersweet/ lonely/ scary. C’mon. Some people have been in this fandom since ST (not me), that’s their whole fuckin life, man!!!!! It IS sad. You SHOULD cry. ITS OKAY TO BE UPSET. and frankly anyone who makes people feel bad for that is a piece of shit.

Saying things like “oh they’ll be back.” “They’re not going anywhere.” “Matty will be chronically online” are all true BUT THEY DONT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THINGS ARE CHANGING. FOR GOOD. ITS OKAY TO FEEL HOWEVER YOU FEEL.

The boys are still around for the next few months. Let’s cherish them (and each other) while we still can. But imo this is not a silly subject and it’s okay to be upset.

Love y’all. The 1975 forever 🩷

[misguidedquotes]

10/11/22 (1:26 am)

It has become incredibly difficult to try and find words for where we are at the moment, or to name exactly what we are going through. I hardly know how to describe what I'm feeling, let alone categorize this overall. I'm trying to take each day as it comes, and to live each day as simply as I can.

Step 1: Wake up, wait to call Anduin

Step 2: Focus on taking care of myself and getting through the day.

Step 3: Get to the end of the day to call Anduin.

It hurts my heart so much to not have him with me. Kissing him on the head and telling him goodbye felt like ripping a piece of my soul out and leaving it on the chair in that shop. I know that he's been seperated from me before, obviously when you guys stayed with Jess and Andy. But this felt different. This was different. I know that he will be taken care of whether he's with me or with you. I just never really imagined that there would be a point in time where this would also involve seperate households.

I don't like the idea of saying we're seperated. I've seen Friends too much to be comfortable saying we're taking a break. I hate the idea of even insinuating that this is something permanent, or that I'm interested in ending our marriage. I'm not. I would very much like for us to work things out and be able to come back together. But I also think that we need some space from each other. I think that's been the easiest way for me to describe what's currently happening. I think there are some foundational things that we need to consider on our own before we can consider them together. Before we can come back together.

Part of that, for me, includes trying to determine my own feelings. I love you, that I know for sure. But I can no longer tell if I am in love with you. What sucks is that the realization didn't necessarily hurt. I'm supposed to say that it did, and even now in the privacy of this space, I nearly wrote that it did hurt. But that's not true. I think it felt more like making myself look at something I'd been avoiding.

That's not to say that I can't get there again. I'm sure that I can. But I think right now a lot of that is going to depend on our ability to grow, and to get some help for our relationship. Our way of communicating is toxic when we're upset, and I can't even begin to describe how awful it makes me feel. Or the edges it pushes me too. I know it can be difficult sometimes to remember that my reactions to the outcome of one argument aren't necessarily as a result of that one argument. Sometimes I get upset because it triggers memories of a previous argument, or because the argument itself was triggering. In this most recent argument with the dress, there were so many other factors at play. That small disagreement pushed me to an edge where I became a danger to myself, and where my thoughts began to wander in a negative direction. It's why I chose to leave the house, so that I could put myself in a safer environment. It wasn't until the text was sent about me not being ready to talk like an adult that I got pushed to my limit and broke.

Unfortunately, you have a history of making statements like that in our relationship. When there's a disagreement or argument that begins to drift toward something you don't like, you usually accuse me of being a child. Not always, but in enough instances that it has become a pattern, and it is not one that I appreciate. It's not something that I am willing to tolerate. I am your wife, your partner, your lover, the mother of your actual child. Telling me that I am not acting like an adult or that I'm being childish because I choose to handle a situation differently than you would, or because I'm giving myself space, is manipulative, demeaning, and disrespectful. It also makes me feel like nothing that I have to say has any credibility or importance to it because in your mind, you've already dismissed me. It hurts, and it's an awful feeling to experience.

I also came across a term earlier this week that caught my eye. In situations where a person has been abused (physically, mentally, or emotionally), the victim can reach a point where they become abusive in turn as a result of reaching a breaking point. This is called reactive abuse. I hate that this struck a chord with me, but it did. There are too many times that I can go to in my mind's eye where I felt that I was backed into a corner until I had to lash out to be left alone. I've mentioned in the past that I don't like that I feel like I get pushed to a certain limit, and that you push my emotions to a certain level and then blame me for responding in kind. I didn't know there was a phrase for that sort of thing, but there is.

This is something I know we need to talk about in therapy, but it's important to me to make a very clear distinction. Having some negative traits or flaws does not make you a bad person. I do not think you are a bad man. I would not be spending time on us if that were the case. I think that you haven't had the best role models, and that you've picked up some behaviors from those closest to you, but that's obviously a given. What concerns me is that I'm not sure if you're capable of recognizing those things, accepting them, and being open/willing to change. Sometimes it's scary to hold up a mirror and realize that you don't like what you see inside. Trust me. I know. I'm trying to accept that I will always have flaws in some form or another, and I'm trying to give myself the freedom to just discover that.

I do feel like in the majority of our relationship, my focus has primarily been you. Whether it was making things easier when we lived on our own, or when we moved down to 60th, even to moving to Fallbrook, there have been concessions that I have made for your comfort. That's not to say that it's because you've asked for them. There are things that I have done or put up with without being asked because I am your wife, and I know some things are non-negotiable. A lot of that is dealing with your parents. I know Lea Anne bears the brunt of the blame in your mind. Unfortunately, I think your parents both have a very active hand in making questionable choices. You've seen my family dynamic. It feels like two completely different worlds.

[thenatashamaximoff]

Mine To Love

Summary: Every other year, you’re required to train the new SHIELD agents, but will your relationship with Natasha survive the ups and downs when a certain new recruit becomes enthralled by you?

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

Warnings: blood, cheating, torture, drugs, obsession, stalking, sexual assault

Words: 26,106

✎

♞This is a dark fic as confirmed by multiple readers. Please read at your own risk! ♞

The first time she laid eyes on you, she had thought she was still asleep. The beauty, the perfection that caught her attention was only able to be manifested in a dream, but here she was, staring at the impossible goddess as she continued to pinch herself in an attempt to wake up. She was instantly drawn to you, ignoring whoever was talking to her to marvel at you. The way your ears perked up when you smiled, how your eyes sparkled when you spoke, your tongue flicking out to lick your lips when you listened. She was on the other side of the room, but your laughter reached her ears and it was the only noise she heard in the busy lobby.

You placed a hand on Clint's elbow, bidding him a farewell before walking away. Jealousy instantly fell upon her as you left the room, eyebrows pinched together in anger as she watched Clint turn and approach the small group, ordering for attention.

"Welcome to SHIELD, agents," he called out, a smile plastered on his face. The room instantly quieted down, all eyes on Clint Barton as he greeted the new agents. She was amongst the group, a fresh face in the middle of even more fresh faces. She couldn't get her mind off of you, already knowing she wanted you. "This is officially your first day in changing the world. Does anybody have any questions before we begin?"

Her hand was in the air faster than the rest of the recruits, Clint's eyes landing on her immediately. He glanced down at the clipboard in his hands briefly before looking back up at her with a grin.

"Agent Hopkins, what's your question?"

"Who was that you were talking to?" She knew the other agents must have better questions than her, but she couldn't find it within herself to really care. That was the most important question to her: your name. She wanted to feel it come off of her lips, form on her tongue. She needed to know your name urgently.

Confusion crossed Clint's features, clearly not expecting that to be the first question. But he quickly regained himself, his small smile returning. "That was Y/N," he answered. "Some of you will be training under her. She is one of the best agents we have, so you'll all learn a lot from her. Any other questions?"

Her hand remained down this time.

Y/N. The way it felt so natural to think, even more natural than breathing, just made every concern and fear she had from her first day disappear. Her imagination can't even begin to fathom how your touch feels, how your voice sounds. She needed to hear you, only your laugh was replaying in her head. And as that was enough for now, it wouldn't be enough forever.

Clint's words blurred into the background as she let her mind wander, thinking about you, how her first meeting with you would go, how she could be a reason why you smile or, if she's lucky enough, laugh.

"There's six of you," Clint announced, dragging her attention back to his speech. She cleared her throat when she realized that she had been blushing, her face hot with red. "You're going to be put into groups of two and you're going to shadow an agent." He read off the list and she felt her heart drop when her name was attached to a Romanoff and not yours.

But it's okay. Once she's done with training, she'll have you wrapped around her finger.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━⧗━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You were too busy looking down at your phone to see where you were going, rounding a corner rather sharply. You ended up running into somebody, your phone falling out of your hands at the sudden impact and you immediately looked up. You made eye contact with a doe-eyed woman, her eyes wide in shocked surprise as a small smile settled on your face. Her black hair extended past her shoulders, light and bouncy.

You don't know how many times she had apologized, bending down to pick your phone up for you, but you knew it was at least a thousand.

"Hey, it's okay," you assured. "Accidents happen. Besides, I'm pretty sure it was mostly my fault anyway." You accepted your phone from her and shoved it into your pocket, her face still frozen in shock. "You're new, aren't you? What's your name?"

"Agent Maria Hopkins." She moved her hand up to her forehead, her body straightening as she offered you a rigid salute and you laughed. There was that sound again, the laughter she had been playing inside her head all day. And now your voice was in her head, even better than she had imagined. She wanted to keep you talking.

"You don't have to do that," you told her. "Who's your trainer?" You crossed your arms over your chest and leaned your shoulder against the wall, getting into a more casual position. She enjoyed seeing you act casual, knowing you didn't need to be wary of her. Relaxed, trusting, everything she needs you to be.

"Agent Romanoff," she answered, your smile widening. She mirrored your smile, wondering what kind of inside joke you were thinking about and if she was ever going to be in on it.

"Good luck," you told her. "Nat's a bit of a hardass. And you could tell her I said that." You laughed as you pushed yourself away from the wall, holding your hand out to her. "It was nice to meet you, Maria."

The way your mouth formed around her name had her heart beating hard against her chest. She immediately got nervous, thinking you could hear her heart pick up speed, that it was that loud. And when she accepted your hand, your touch was warm and surprisingly soft. She didn't want to let go, the most amazing thing she ever felt was you. But she felt herself getting greedy, already wanting to touch more of you. Wanting to break the barrier between you and her - your clothes. When your firm grip loosened, she had to let go. She didn't want to scare you away.

"It was nice to meet you, too, Agent-"

You laughed, waving off her sentence. "Please, don't start the formalities with me. Just Y/N is fine."

"Y/N." It was the first time she said it out loud since she learned it this morning, and she loved the way it sounded coming off of her mouth. She felt herself melt as you sent her one last smile, your eyes twinkling with the stars of the night, before walking around her, bringing out your phone once more as you ventured away from her.

She watched you walk away until you disappeared around another corner.

"Watch it." You looked up, startled, as you stopped in your tracks. Natasha laughed at your expression, uncrossing her arms from over her chest as you tuck your phone away.

"You know, I was just telling a new agent about you," you said as she wrapped her arms around your neck, her hands hanging limply behind you. She hummed thoughtfully, a grin forming on your face. "Yeah, I told her that you're a huge pushover and that you should never, ever be taken seriously."

An eyebrow quirked up, a look of a challenge resting on her face. Here we go. Every other year, when the new recruits come in, always shadowing you, Natasha, and Clint, the wager is always the same. By the end of the training, you'll have each of your agents pitted against each other in a sparring match, the loser has to pay for the fanciest, most expensive dinner on the market. The rules remained the same, you can do whatever you want to the trainees, but you can't let them find out about the bet. There isn't allowed to be any influence in the finals. You've been on a losing streak, but this time you weren't going to lose. You have faith in your recruits this year.

Natasha pulled you against her, her arms still resting on your shoulders as your nose brushed against hers. "Let's spice it up this year," she offered and you pulled your face away from hers so you could look into her eyes. This time, your eyebrow raised. 

"Last time you said that I ended up having to clean our bathroom for a month."

"And you did such a good job," she whispered, leaning forward to brush her lips against yours. You couldn't help but laugh, bubbles rising in your chest at her closeness. Her smile grew wider as you placed your hands on her hips, pulling her flush against you. She knows what she's doing to you.

"What is it this time? A month of laundry? Am I going to have to be your personal chef?"

"Oh, so you're welcoming a loss?" Natasha laughed when you wrapped your arms around her waist, squeezing her against you. Your cheeks burned hot under her stare, your heart beating for her touch, and the only thing you could think of was how soft her lips looked. This woman.

You couldn't help but lick your lips after sneaking a glance at hers. That motion didn't go unnoticed, Natasha raising her eyebrows in a challenging manner and a smirk resting on the lips you just needed to touch. She wants you to kiss her as much as you do, but that would mean letting her win. You didn't want to lose. "No, I didn't-"

"It seems like you are," she interrupted, smiling widely when you rolled your eyes. "It's okay, Y/N. I know I always win every time."

She was right about that. When it came down to it, it was always between you and Clint for second place. You don't know how she always manages to win, but you didn't care as long as you didn't come in third. If she was going to add another little challenge between the two of you, though, then you have to come in first this time. Or at least get her to be third place.

"I was thinking," she continued, "that we take a little vacation this year."

A vacation? The two of you hadn't taken a vacation in forever, even separately. You’ve been dating her for almost four years (friends for longer) and you haven't even vacationed together. And, boy, did you two need one. All that vacation time you have gathered has just been sitting there, growing, while you ignored it. Maybe it'll do some good to take a breather from everything.

You couldn't help but laugh. "You think that you're going to survive a vacation? You?" You knew Natasha was a sucker for the action. She wouldn't be able to sit still during a vacation, let alone be able to stay away from work.

She left you cold when she pushed away from you, a small, subtle smile resting on her lips. "I can definitely last longer than you, Y/N."

You weren't even going to argue with her on that one. As much as Natasha loves the work, you love it even more and there's no denying that. "What's the bet, Nat?" She laughed again as you pulled her back to you, her fingers resting delicately along either side of your jaw. You leaned into her touch, resting your forehead against hers as your eyes fluttered close at the feeling of her pressed against you, waiting for her to speak.

"Winner gets to choose the location," she said.

You pulled away from her to look her in the eye once more, skeptical. You could see that glint she's got going on. She already planned this out. You wouldn't be surprised if you looked at her phone to see a whole itinerary for the trip. What game is she playing right now?

"You already chose one, didn't you?" You laughed when she shrugged innocently, maintaining eye contact. "You're so cocky, you know that?"

She nodded as she dipped her head, her lips locking onto yours, but the kiss didn't last long before you heard someone clear their throat.

"Enough PDA." You broke away from Natasha to see Clint, taking a step back with your hands raised in surrender.

"I'm sorry, officer, but she made me do it," you announced. "I'm a victim here."

"And I'll do it again!" Natasha grabbed your shirt and pulled you into her, connecting your lips once more, the kiss deeper, more passionate than the last. Your cheeks ignited, hot red coloring them as you felt her push against you, desperate to get you as close to her as possible. You definitely would've dropped to your knees if she weren't holding onto your collar. It was interrupted when you started laughing, looking over at Clint to see him roll his eyes. A small part of you wanted to take Natasha out of the public eye, behind a closed door, but the bigger part told you that you had some agents to meet and you didn't want to be late. Responsibilities. You stepped away from Natasha once more but held onto her hand. You wanted to keep that physical contact for as long as you could.

"So, I showed the recruits their rooms and left them to their own devices," Clint said, crossing his arms over his chest. The one advantage Clint has in this competition is the fact that he meets them before you and Natasha. And you're pretty sure he changes the assignments, making sure he gets the best ones. But, if he does, then he doesn't do a very good job at it considering Natasha always takes the crown at the end of everything. "Hey, Y/N, if you manage to keep both of your recruits this year, I'll give you five dollars."

"You're going to eat your words, Barton," you commented. You've lost at least one of your trainees the past few years, but you've been managing with just one perfectly fine… 

"You've lost last time," Clint pointed out. "And the time before that. And the time before that." …alright, maybe not. Can he read your mind right now?

"I'm trying something with morale this time," you stated. Maybe you're too harsh on the recruits. You can't see it, though, considering you've seen Natasha train and she's a bit more aggressive than you. "I'm taking my recruits out to lunch."

"Is that why you put down my offer for-"

"No, it's why I postponed it to tonight," you interrupted quickly, looking at Clint with wide eyes. Hopefully, he doesn't put two and two together. "I have a date with not one, but two people."

She rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face told you she was only joking as she said, "I'll remember this tonight."

"What's tonight?" Oh, Clint Barton, you innocent man. So clueless. His fear of missing out on things was going to be his downfall. Yet, you couldn't blame him. A lot of fun things happen around here.

You and Natasha smiled widely at him.

"I want in," he stated, looking between the two of you. The smiles on both of your faces weren't helping his case. "Come on, guys. I've been preparing for this stupid training thing for weeks. I haven't been out in so long."

"I'd love to stay and chat, but I have some recruits to meet," you expressed, slapping Clint's shoulder as you released Natasha's hand. You looked at her. "I'll leave this to you."

You walked away with a grin, letting Natasha fill Clint's mind with the things you were going to do to each other tonight. Though, you know she's not going to get too far into it before he realizes.

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When she walked out of the training room, she bumped into you once again. She was caught in a daze when you laughed, grabbing onto her shoulders instinctively to make sure she didn't fall over. When you released her, she yearned for more of your touch, but the smile on your face sedated her, calmed her. It prevented her from doing anything too rash as you were only standing less than a foot in front of her. So close, she could feel the heat radiating off of your body. Her instinct was to get closer, to push her body flush against yours, but she refrained from doing that. Instead, she blurted out a simple apology. She doesn't even know how she managed to get her mouth to form coherent words, but she did.

"It's fine, Maria," you assured her, a smile still plastered on your face. She doesn't think she ever wants to see anything but the smile, to see how happy you were was the best thing for her. "We should stop meeting like this, though." Bumping into you is the best way to meet. It gives her a good excuse for physical contact, even briefly.

"At least you didn't have your phone out this time," she commented and you laughed once more. Oh, the things your laugh did to her body. She needed to find a way to record it so she could play it on loop. For now, she's just gonna have to go by memory. "How was your training?"

"Oh." You didn't expect her, a recruit, to question the other trainees' session. It was the last thing on a recruit's mind, wondering how the others were doing when they're too busy trying not to mess up themselves. "It was fine. How was Romanoff?"

Maria blew a raspberry, your smile growing. "You weren't wrong about her being a hardass," she said. "Thanks for the warning."

"Hey, I'm just trying to keep people around," you said, casually shrugging. "I figured it's better to expect what you're stepping into. Nat was the one to train me when I first started, too, so at least I know you're in good hands."

She opened her mouth to say something, but cut herself off when she heard the training room door open behind her. She stepped to the side, opening up the rest of the doorway so whoever wanted out could leave. Maria watched as your face lit up, your eyes sparkled and the smile on your face grew even wider. She wanted you to look at her like that, like she was the only thing in the world that mattered. And she felt her stomach twist with jealous rage when Natasha stepped out of the room and brought you into a hug. When the hug ended and she peeled herself away from you, though your hand remained on her waist as she looked at Maria.

"Hey, that was great work today, Hopkins," Natasha commented. Maria plastered a smile on her face, but it wasn't as genuine as it was thirty seconds ago. "You're pretty advanced. I might have to start training you separately."

Maria felt her chest puff out at the compliment, eyeing you to see your expression, but you were no longer concerned about Maria. Your attention was all focused on Natasha, your eyes not once leaving her face. As if you were scared that you'd go blind at any moment, memorizing every single inch of skin on the redhead's face, savoring it. Maria lost her confidence, simmering down into nothing as Natasha looked at you. "Thank you, Agent Romanoff," Maria said, earning her attention, but not yours. She cleared her throat as she added, "It was nice speaking to you again, Y/N."

The sound of your name finally pulled your attention away from Natasha, your eyes finding Maria's within mere seconds. "As you." That's it? Just two simple little words? She found herself hating Natasha even more when you looked back at her, no longer giving a care about Maria anymore.

She watched, her fists clenched tightly by her sides, as you walked away, catching Natasha's hand into yours and keeping her close as you left Maria behind. She felt her jaw lock, her teeth grinding together tightly at the anger she was feeling as she watched you plant a quick kiss on Natasha's cheek, your amazing laugh mixed in with her harsh one.

She would have never thought that you and Natasha Romanoff were a thing. This would make it harder to obtain you, but not impossible. 

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"You know, I don't understand if I'm being honest with you." Maria was immediately attracted to your voice, following it around the corner to see you sitting on the couch in the common room, Natasha's head rested in your lap as you absentmindedly stroked a hand through her short, red hair. Maria lingered around the corner, listening, watching in the shadows. "Fisher, one of my recruits, dropped out. It's only day three, Nat. Now I'm not going to get five dollars."

Natasha rolled over to lay on her back, looking up at you, her hand delicately tracing over your jaw to make you look down at her. The frustration on your face quickly evaporated when you made eye contact with the redhead, easing your tense shoulders just by her breathing in your direction and Maria aspired to have that effect on you someday. "Not a lot of people can handle this life, Y/N," Natasha said, her voice soft. Your hand got lost in her hair, the curls tangled around your fingers as you melted into Natasha's eyes. "They think they can handle it, but in the end, they realize they can't."

"Easy for you to say. You've never lost a recruit."

Natasha's lips quirked up into a smile as she said, "You would've been my first loss if you had gone through with it."

You remember that day, the day that seems like forever ago. During a shooting drill, you kept accidentally shooting the wooden boards that were supposed to be the victims, ultimately failing the drill on more than one occasion. Natasha must've felt the moment you decided to give up because she went to your room that night, ordering your roommate to leave so she could talk to you alone. She ignored your packed bag and sat on your bed, giving you a secret pep talk amidst a casual conversation. That was the day you realized you had feelings for your trainer, but you were too much of a coward to act on them until years later.

"Did you know that that was the moment I knew I loved you?" You smiled, your free hand placing itself against her chest, her heartbeat hammering against your palm as you leaned down closer to her face.

"What took you so long?" she whispered, your laugh fanning your breath over her face. "I knew the moment I laid eyes on you."

"You're such a liar," you declared before your lips pushed gently into hers.

Maria has seen enough, stepping out into the light and making her presence known by clearing her throat rather harshly as she approached you. Your back straightened when you saw Maria, Natasha turning her head to watch the new agent pause a few feet in front of the couch you were sitting on, her hands folding behind her back out of respect. "Agent Romanoff, I was wondering if I could take you up on the private training," she stated. "I've come to realize that the limited training I receive alongside Agent Griggs is not reaching my full potential." To her, she sounded robotic. She couldn't find it in herself to put any emotion into her words when all she was feeling was anger. Angry that you don't realize you love her yet, but you will.

She couldn't help but watch the smile grow on your face as Natasha sat up, your hand becoming free of the red tangles. She eyed Natasha's curls, not being able to imagine your hand running through her black ones. She'll have to change that.

"It looks like your cockiness is rubbing off already," you commented, leaning back into the couch with a laugh when Natasha playfully smacked your shoulder with the back of her hand. Despite the anger she was experiencing, Maria mirrored your smile, she couldn't help it. The happiness that radiated off of you affected her. "Hey, Maria, if you need any real advice from a professional, come see me."

"I might just take you up on that offer, too, Y/N." She could say your name all day, looking for any excuse to say it out loud in front of Natasha, hoping to make her as jealous as she feels, but when she glanced towards the Black Widow, her expression was only reacting to your words and not hers. "I will take all the training I can get." And all the alone time she could with you.

"Don't go stealing my recruits because you can't keep a leash on yours." Natasha laughed as your eyes widened, looking towards her as she immediately cupped your face. Maria watched with envy as she planted a kiss on your cheek, apologetic.

"Go away," you stated with a smile, waving Natasha off of you. She was still laughing as she stood up, smiling widely as she gestured for Maria to follow her when she started walking. But Maria stared at you for a moment, frozen in your beauty once again as you looked at her, an eyebrow raised in confusion at her hesitance in following Natasha. You released a breath as you said, "You'll be fine, Maria. Once you get past that hard shell, Nat is secretly a big softie."

Maria blinked, falling out of the trap that was you when you said Natasha's name. She only wanted her name coming off of your lips, nobody else's. "Of course," was the only thing she could say before nodding politely and walking away, joining a waiting Natasha to start the private training.

Maria couldn't help but wonder what Natasha had that she didn't. They were practically the same height at a glance, Natasha being just an inch taller than her, and Maria knows that she could treat you better. She would give you every single second of her attention, her hands wouldn't dare touch anybody else, even if it was just as simple as a handshake. She would be strictly yours to love, nobody would even think about it being any other way. But the obstacle that is one Natasha Romanoff was going to have to move, just an inch, just enough for Maria to slide right on through. You weren't going to look at her if Natasha was in the way.

"Excuse me, Agent-" You looked towards the voice with a raised eyebrow, seeing your last recruit, John Nolan, walking up to you slowly. His words caught in his throat as he cleared them away, shaking his head. "Apologies. Y/N," he corrected.

You stood up off the couch. "What can I do for you, John?"  He seemed nervous, his hands crossed behind his back in a tight, respectable stance and he avoided eye contact. You were pretty sure you saw droplets of sweat drip down his temple as he cleared his throat once more, sucking in a deep breath and finally maintaining eye contact for more than five seconds.

"Agent Barton offered Fisher a better position in another state," he told you, looking away when he saw your eyes narrow. "That's why he left. I… thought you should know."

The last piece of the puzzle finally clicked into place, the gears in your head spinning at an impossible speed as you put two and two together. It wasn't your fault you couldn't keep a recruit under your belt. It was Clint! He doesn't have the authority to give them a better job than a level six agent. Offering them something that seems better on paper, but in reality, could quite possibly the worst job SHIELD has to offer. Why, that little-

"Y/N?"

"Did he offer you something?" 

He shook his head, seeming to be a little bit more relaxed when he heard that your voice came out evenly calm, not a trace of anger in your words. "No, ma'am. I overheard him and Fisher. I don't think I was supposed to-"

"It's a good thing you did," you interrupted. "Clint probably made it sound better than it is, so you're not missing out on anything exciting." He relaxed a lot more on that, letting you know that he was jealous he wasn't the one to get the offer. 

"What are you going to do?" His proper posture evaporated, his hands resting on his hips once he saw that you weren't mad at the messenger. "You're not going to tell him I told you, right?"

"Of course not," you assured. Though you really wanted to call Clint out on it, hunting him down so you could get him an instant loss and you would only have to worry about Natasha, there's a much bigger part of you that wants revenge. "Thanks for the heads up, John. You don't have to worry about Clint, I can handle him. If he goes to you with a similar offer, let me know."

John nodded and left. You knew Clint wasn't going to offer John the same job, he wasn't going to take both of your recruits. He wanted some competition, but not the tough one. You should take this as a compliment, he sees you as just enough of a threat to shoot one of your legs. But now you gotta return the favor and figure out something to do to him.

You wandered out of the common room, lost in your thoughts. You couldn't tell the recruits about the bet, that was the only rule in this thing. You had to figure out a different route, something that doesn't lead to you when it's over with.  

You heard your name being called, turning around to see Clint jogging to catch up to you, a wide smile on his face. Your jaw clenched, eyes narrowed, but you plastered a smile mirroring that of his own. You had to bite your tongue to prevent yourself from calling him out on his little evil antic.

"I heard you lost another one," he said. You wanted to smack that shit-eating grin off his face. "He didn't last as long as the others. Such a shame. At least I get to keep my five dollars."

"You know what? It's not even worth five dollars," you said. "You're going to be spending a lot more than that when I beat you in this thing."

He snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "With just one recruit? I'd love to see that."

"Well, consider yourself with front row seats, Barton, because you're going down." Your arms crossed over your chest tightly. "I'm thinking the big steak. That thing costs an arm and a leg."

He patted you on the shoulder, smiling even wider. "Good luck, Y/N." He gave you a small, mock salute before walking away, his shoulders shaking with laughter. You groaned in frustration.

It was impossible to win with just one recruit. He has to fight four people to get the points you need to come in second, at least.

You had plenty of time to figure out a way to get revenge. Training is three months long, and it's only the third day. You knew John was going to be safe, so you weren't worried about it. But Fisher was a stronger agent than John and that's going to take you down a peg. Ugh, Clint, you cheating bastard.

You wonder why he doesn't go after Natasha's recruits. She's a much bigger threat than you are. Both competitively and physically. As long as he didn't come in third, it makes sense why he only sabotaged you. If he went after Natasha and she found out, Hell would be his safe space when she's through with him.

You found yourself outside the training room almost an hour later, walking in to catch Natasha taking Maria down with ease. A smile landed on your lips and everything about Clint left your mind as you watched the two spar, your posture relaxing. Maria caught a glimpse of you in that moment, her measly struggles to get out from underneath Natasha grew stronger in the desire to impress you. Natasha was saying something under her breath to her, giving her tips and advice to get out of a situation like that. Her grip loosened on Maria, giving her an easier chance to break free, and you saw the way Natasha's muscles relaxed. She was going easier on her and Maria didn't like that.

She flipped Natasha off of her, tossing her to the side in one swift movement. She sucked in a deep breath, relieved that all she wasn't breathing was Natasha anymore. You appeared above her, offering your hand to help her to her feet, which she immediately took.

"Your little private session is going well, I see," you stated, patting Maria on the back as she released your hand. She immediately relaxed under your touch, the tenseness in her muscles from having to protect herself against Natasha evaporated. She was at ease.

"I don't see her training lasting three months," Natasha said as she joined you, her hands on her hips as you crossed your arms over your chest. "She might graduate sooner if she keeps this up."

"I'm a fast learner," Maria said, shrugging casually.

Natasha smiled as she looked at you, her eyes soft, her smile genuine, her body relaxed, the same way Maria looked at you. Except you didn't notice it when Maria did it, only Natasha. And that's what made her mad.

"How about I take her for a spin?" The way your eyebrow quirked upwards would have made Maria fall to her knees and beg Natasha to say yes, but the thought of getting tangled with you on the mat made her stressed. She wanted to prove herself, show you that she can handle anything and make you proud, but she didn't want to hurt you. She didn't want to make you feel less superior. She would beg Natasha to say no.

"I don't think-"

"Ah, c'mon, Nat," you stated, playfully shadow boxing her. "I could do with some stress relief." You stepped closer to her, Maria crossing her arms across her chest as she watched the two of you closely, jealousy spreading through her as you lowered your voice to a whisper, seeing Natasha's skin prickle with goosebumps as your breath fanned over her neck. "Between you and me, John's not a very good sparring partner."

When your hand rested around her waist and pulled her closer to you, Maria had to look away, her eyes cast downward to the floor as Natasha planted a kiss on your lips. "Fine," she expressed. "For training purposes."

"Let's go, Hopkins." You clapped your hands as Natasha stepped back, giving the two of you some space.

She preferred hearing her first name come out of your mouth, but Hopkins had the same effect on her.

You squatted down to a defensive stance, the smirk playing on your lips left Maria in a daze. She blinked a few times before she managed to pull herself out of it, getting down in her own stance as she faced off against you. She didn't know if she could handle it, touching you would be too much for her, but the playful sparkle in your eye made her want to have this kind of fun with you. She knew she had to get used to this kind of playfulness. Your ability to laugh at the smallest of things is one of the many, many reasons why she loves you.

When you stepped towards her, she found herself stepping back. Was she really that scared of hurting you? This wasn't a life or death situation, she wouldn't hurt you on purpose. But it was the idea of it being an accident that distraught her. Her capability of hurting you was there and that scared her.

She tried desperately to block you, swatting your light punches away. You were going easy on her, she could tell. She hasn't seen you fight before, but Clint had said that you were one of the best and this was not something someone would do if they were among the top of the totem pole.

"Come on, Y/N," Maria declared after blocking yet another miserable attempt to kick her, drawing your foot back to the ground to maintain balance. Even though you weren't pushing her limits, she still had sweat dripping down her temple. She instinctively wiped it away. "I thought you were the best."

"I wouldn't say the best," Natasha countered. Maria had to fight herself from rolling her eyes. She had forgotten Natasha's presence, her input forcing her to remember that it wasn't just the two of you. "Maybe top, like… five? And that's being generous."

Your posture relaxed, getting out of the fighting stance you held for the past five minutes to look at Natasha, your hands resting on your hips as a smile brightened your face. You looked back at Maria. "Alright, I'll take it up a notch."

"A notch?" Maria wanted to see exactly what you were capable of. "How do you expect me to learn anything? I don't suppose the enemies in the field would take it easy on me."

You sighed, grinning. "Fair enough," you said, holding your hands out in surrender. "Just remember that you consented to this."

Maria nodded encouragingly, knowing that she'd consent to anything that has to do with you. The two of you fell back into a crouched stance, a bit closer than you were originally. And, boy, was Clint telling the truth! She barely had time to react to your punches, your kicks being strategically thrown in there to throw her off guard and it worked. When you made contact with your punches, they didn't hurt. They were light and fast, expertly so.

When Maria finally did manage to get a punch in, you easily and embarrassingly caught her wrist, tugging her close to you. She was flush against your chest, her back against you as you held her in a chokehold, and she completely lost her thoughts at the feeling of being pressed against you. She stopped fighting back, letting your warmth spread through her, but it only lasted a second before the two of you were on the ground. She was left breathless when she finally got herself to focus, seeing your face inches away from her own, both of you breathing heavily at the extended workout as you sent her a cheeky grin. You had her pinned in a much more difficult position than Natasha had her earlier, her arms trapped underneath your body as your hand squeezed her two wrists together, your other arm tight against her neck. That's why she's breathless.

You released her a few seconds later, hopping back to your feet and Maria had to take a moment to collect herself. You were so close to her. If she had just tilted her chin up a centimeter, your lips would've brushed against hers, but she was too dazed to comprehend that little tidbit of information.

She blinked and your hand was hovering above her, a temporary moment of Deja vu as you pulled her to her feet. You patted her on her shoulder as you released her, Natasha joining the two of you as she waved the imaginary white flag in surrender. 

"I don't know about that early graduation, sweetheart," you said, looking at Maria but talking to Natasha. You crossed your arms over your chest. "She still needs some work."

She knew you were only joking, but she couldn't help but feel disappointed in herself for not being able to impress you. She deflated, her shoulders slouching as she scratched the back of her head, no longer paying attention to your conversation once Natasha decided to put her two senses in there. She was trying to hold on to that feeling of having more than just your hand on her. The pure serotonin, raw adrenaline. She needed that feeling again. Your entire body was against her and she could still feel you.

Your laughter dragged her out of her thoughts, as it always does. She refocused, the conversation no longer on her skills, or lack of. The two of you were talking about dinner, a date, tonight. You seemed to have forgotten about Maria as you and Natasha faced each other, obviously oblivious to the black haired recruit. She could walk away and neither of you would notice, but she didn't. She listened to the details, wanting to know what exactly was going to happen.

She got angry when Natasha stepped closer to you to whisper something in your ear, envy when you leaned into her touch, her lips brushing against your ear and goosebumps trailing down your neck. That's when she walked away.

Otherwise, she would've punched something. Preferably someone.

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You couldn't help but watch Natasha as she read over the menu. Her eyebrows slightly pinched together in concentration, trying to decide what she wanted to eat. Her tongue flicking out to lick her lips put you in a momentary state of weakness, and she must have sensed that moment because her eyes looked up at you as a smile grew on her face. She picked her head up, resting her chin in her hand as she leaned forward.

The smallest, most non-sensual things send you overboard and she knows it. She preys on that, sending your thoughts into overdrive as you fought against your pure animal instincts to take her right then and there. She eats that up, and that just pushes you over the edge.

"Why do you do this to me?"

Her chuckle made you straighten your posture, tightly locking your body in your chair otherwise you would've given in to those instincts. She casually shrugged as she went back to her menu, the smile on her face not once wavering. "I want to know what your breaking point is."

Your breaking point wouldn't exist if you didn't have any dignity. She knows that, too. "You're getting there," you assured her, listening to the music that is her laughter. "Trust me."

She placed her menu flat on the table, crossing her hands across it as she met your eye. "Then I will keep doing it."

"And when you win?" You raised an eyebrow, a smile playing on your lips. "If I give in to these dark desires?"

She leaned forward an inch, subtle. You wouldn't have caught it if her elbow didn't bump against her glass of water. "What kind of dark desires?"

You sent her a wink, holding your index finger softly to your lips as the waiter came by for your order. Her eyes flickered, showing that hint of darkness you loved for a brief moment, letting you see just how vulnerable you made her as well.

You had to look away from her otherwise you were going to get yourself in trouble. You watched the waiter walk away with your orders, disappear around a corner and that's when you saw them. Your smile was associated with humor now, looking back at Natasha to nod in their direction.

"Looks like we're not HR's only nightmare anymore," you said, looking back towards Maria and John sitting on the other side of the room. Natasha followed your stare, a smirk resting on her lips.

"I'm actually surprised," she confessed, making you look back at her. Your expression was the only thing she needed to make herself explain, "I thought she was crushing on you."

"You thought Maria was crushing on me?" You couldn't help but laugh at the thought, taking a sip of your drink. "And what makes you possibly think that?"

She rolled her eyes. You could see the strain in her eyes as she thought about it, though the smirk that remained on her lips would fool anybody into thinking she was truly nonchalant about it. "It is painfully obvious, Y/N," she stated. "Do you really not see it?"

You shook your head, pursing your lips together as you counted back all the times you interacted with Maria and nothing jumped out at you. "No," you admitted, "because I'm only thinking about you."

You laughed when she rolled her eyes again, the sound of your laughter immediately pulling Maria's attention over to you.

"So… have you seen any good movies lately?" John cleared his throat, nervous, as he watched Maria watch you. "I've seen a good one. It's…" His sentence died in the air when he saw that she was too focused on you, not giving him the time of day. He cleared his throat again as he brought his glass to his lip, taking a harsh swallow before returning it to the table. "Maria, I-"

"Don't call me that." Her head snapped in his direction. She didn't want anybody to call her by her own name, Hopkins was fine. Maria belonged to you. 

"It's your name," he countered defensively. "Why did you ask me out if you're not going to put all your attention into this date?"

She scoffed, furrowing her eyebrows. "This isn't a date, Nolan." Of course, this wasn't a date. She had only invited John to not look like a sad, lonely person in the middle of a restaurant made for couples. She didn't give him the wrong idea. We should get some food. That's all she said. It was a suggestion and he didn't know what he was getting himself into. 

"This is a pretty fancy restaurant for just getting some food," he stated. "I mean, I'm not even appropriately dressed." She eyed him, noticing him for the first time and he was right. He wasn't dressed nicely, his training shirt and sweats didn't necessarily pass the fancy test, but nobody bothered looking at him. The restaurant wasn't maximum fancy, nobody cared. "I just assumed we were getting Chinese or something. Maybe some hamburgers."

"Well, you assumed wrong." The waiter came over then, taking John's order. Maria made the mistake of looking back at you, not bothering with the waiter anymore and not caring when John ordered something for her. "Don't mistake this for anything," she declared once the waiter left, her eyes remaining on you. "We're not friends." Even acquaintance was a strong word. She didn't even think about John, he was just there. He was the first person she saw that she knew would go get some food under false pretenses. 

He glanced in your direction, catching you feeding Natasha some of your food and laughing at her expression. "I'm pretty sure they have a bet going on."

His words caught her attention, her head slowly turning to look back at him. He made eye contact with her and cleared his throat. "What kind of bet?"

"The three of them," he explained. "Barton, Romanoff, and-"

"Y/N." You didn't like formalities.

John nodded. "Right." He sighed, clearing his throat. It was like he had something caught in it, desperate to try and get it out. "I don't know what it entails. I just know that it has something to do with us."

"How do you know this?"

"I overheard Barton and Romanoff talking about it," he answered, shrugging as he took another gulp of his drink. 

Maria grinned widely, the first smile that landed on her face ever since she arrived at the restaurant. John raised an eyebrow, confused. "This is why we're friends, Nolan."

He shook his head when she turned back to you. "You know, it's never going to happen." He chuckled at the thought of Maria attempting to snatch you away from Natasha. "I heard they've been together for a long time without a hitch." He snorted, a smile growing on his lips. "You're never going to-"

"Shut up," she snapped when she heard your laughter once more, not wanting John's annoying voice to interrupt that beautiful sound. He sighed as he sat back into his chair. She wasn't even listening to his words, but on some level, she heard him and knew he was right. But all good things must come to an end. And, in this case, your "good" thing will come to an end to an even better thing.

"You look utterly ridiculous." Natasha laughed as you tuck your napkin into your shirt, letting it sit against your chest like a bib. 

"This is a new shirt, Nat," you stated, "I'm not going to ruin it by getting food on it." You shook your head.

"You dropped one thing and it landed in your lap," she retorted, a hint of laughter still in her voice.

"I'm not taking any chances." You shook your head, looking at her. "This is a common thing in a place like this. It's not absurd."

"It's supposed to go in your lap, Y/N," she explained.

"Then how am I supposed to protect my shirt?" You scoffed, picking up your utensils. "I don't care about my pants."

Natasha laughed once more. "You know what?" You joined in on her laughter when she took her napkin, tucking it into her shirt as well. "I'm not going to let you look like an idiot by yourself."

"Well, thank you for joining me on this adventure, ma'am," you said, nodding your head in thanks. 

She rolled her eyes as she continued picking at her food. "I look just as ridiculous as you."

"Impossible!" you expressed, slamming a fist on the table. She jumped as the table wobbled underneath your fist, dishes chiming at the impact, her eyes widening as she looked up at you and only you, not giving a care about the other patrons and their silent judgment being sent your way, and she smiled. "You look absolutely gorgeous and that will never change! Let the entire world know!"

Red colored her cheeks, looking down and away from you. She tucked a strand of her red hair behind her ear, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. You couldn't help but laugh seeing her flustered, calming down long enough for the other customers to return to their meals in peace.

"So, the bet between us…" You trailed off, watching as she picked her head back up to look at you, intrigued. "Are you going to tell me what you picked?"

She smiled. "Why would I want to ruin the surprise?"

"Well, I definitely don't want to pick the same spot you picked," you answered. "You probably picked the worst spot to vacation."

Her eyebrows went up as she crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back into her chair. 

"I didn't mean that you have bad taste in vacation spots," you stated, stammering. "It's just… You… I…" You sighed, grinning. "I trust you to choose a relaxing spot, Nat, but if you even so much as think about work-"

"Y/N, I'm looking forward to this," she told you, leaning forward. She placed her hand halfway across the table, to which you met. She held onto you, her thumb rubbing the top of your hand in smooth, gentle circles. "Even if you do win, I will love it."

"I'm looking forward to this, too," you said softly, matching her grin as you squeezed her hand reassuringly. "But, do tell, what do you have planned? You have every single day planned out, don't you? Show me the itinerary."

She chuckled as she took her hand away from yours, bringing it back to her plate. "I never said I had a plan." That's fair, she didn't. 

"For some reason, I really don't believe you." 

Maria continued to watch from her seat, seething in pure jealous anger as she can see how undeniably cute the two of you were together. Yet, she knows that you and she would be even cuter. She was excited to be the shoulder you would cry on when your relationship doesn't work out. Not that you'd seek her out, but she'd find you. 

She'll always find you.

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48 days into training

The gunshots echoed in your head, bullet after bullet launched forward and you watched as they drove through the wooden boards painted soppily to look like people. John continued to shoot until his gun clicked, and you patted him on the back as he placed the weapon down.

"Great work, John," you complimented as he looked at you with a proud grin, "but next time, we'd like to avoid the civilians." His grin faded as his head snapped forward, looking out into the cluster of boards to see that he actually did shoot a civilian. "Try again."

As he reloaded his gun, you heard someone call your name from behind you. You instinctively turned your head, watching as the black haired recruit made her way to you. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as a small smile lifted your lips. John started shooting behind you as she finally reached you, placing her hands on her hips as she stared at you.

"I was wondering if I could join you," she said, nodding towards John. "Agent Romanoff cancelled all the sessions today."

Now your face was just confused. It's not like Natasha to cancel any sessions, she was always persistent when training. Never late, always early. And she didn't tell you she was cancelling today. You wonder what she was up to. "Why?"

Maria shrugged and you sighed at her cluelessness. "All the message said was to take the day off."

You pursed your lips together, thinking for a moment. Not about whether or not Maria could join your session, but about why Natasha cancelled hers. "Of course," you declared, gesturing towards John. "You can take the next turn. I'm assuming you already know how to-"

"Do this course? Yes." She nodded and walked past you, waiting patiently behind John.

You watched the recruits for a moment before anxiety bit you like a bitch, turning your back to them and pulling out your phone. You called Natasha, huffing out when it went to voicemail. You tried once more only to get the same result. You were so focused that you didn’t even hear your name being called until you felt a hand on your lower back, your heart skipping a beat as you gasped at the sudden touch. You turned your head, seeing Maria behind you as she returned her hand to her side.

“Sorry,” she said, grinning a little. You rubbed your forehead, sighing. “John’s out there changing out the boards. I was just checking to see if you’re okay.” Your eyes wandered behind her in time to see John struggle to change one of the boards, not being able to get it out of its stand. You considered helping him, but then decided that it was a learning experience.

“I’m fine,” you assured, looking back at her. “Why don’t you go help John with the boards?”

She sighed, placing her hands on her hips. “I thought the two of you have been together for a while,” she pointed out. “All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t lie to my girlfriend of four years.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, tilting your head. “It wasn’t a suggestion, Agent,” you demanded. “Go help Agent Nolan with the boards.”

Maria held her hands up in surrender, a small smirk lifting her lips as she stepped back. As fun as it was to hear her name come off your lips, she loved it even more when you took charge like that. The authority in your face sent her off the edge, her body warm and her mind fuzzy as she made her way to John, the small smirk on her face transformed to a wide smile.

Your eyes snapped to your phone when you felt it vibrate in your hands, your stomach dropping when you read the text. Maria turned to look at you, but you were gone.

Your heart hammered in your chest as you sprinted through the halls of the hospital, your mind thinking the worst despite her simple, ominous In the hospital, don’t freak out text. Your feet slammed hard against the floor as you ran, rounding the corner and nearly running into a nurse pushing a cart. You mumbled a sloppy apology as you continued forward, skidding to a stop when you reached the appropriate room number.

Natasha was lying on the bed, her head hidden in a pillow as you pushed against the door. She looked towards the sound of the door opening, picking her head up when she saw you. The door slowly closed behind you as you entered the room, immediately taking her hand when she reached for you.

There was a small skidmark on her cheek, something that’ll heal in no time, and that’s the only injury you could see right now. The look of relief on your face washed away into anger, causing her to roll her eyes and let her head fall back into the pillows.

“Don’t start, Y/N,” she said, a smile tugging the corner of her lips.

“You know how I feel about you riding that motorcycle,” you told her, starting anyway. “Especially since you seem to not like wearing helmets.”

“I’m fine,” she promised, looking back at you. She squeezed her hand, bringing it to her lips to plant a soft kiss against the top of it. You released a heavy sigh, eyebrows still furrowed in anger. “The brakes just stopped working.”

“You could’ve died, Nat,” you said.

“But I didn’t,” she told you, holding your hand against her chest. Your fingers were just close enough to her heart that you could feel it beat against the tips, the feeling sending waves of calmness through you. “It’s just a few scrapes and bruises. I’m alive.”

You released a deep breath, your shoulders relaxing at her words. The door opened behind you, but you didn’t turn to see who entered the room, already too far gone in Natasha’s eyes. It wasn’t until they cleared their throat and spoke that your view of her eyes were broken as she looked towards the interrupter.

“Ms. Natasha Romanoff,” the doctor said, flipping through a chart. You turned to look at him, squeezing her hand absentmindedly. He whistled. “You’re one lucky duckling, aren’t you? I’ve seen the motorcycle and it’s not-” He looked up to meet Natasha’s stare, seeing her shake her head urgently, but it was already too late.

Your eyes narrowed as you looked back at Natasha, raising an eyebrow and tilting your head.

The doctor cleared his throat. “I’ll come back in a minute,” he stated before rushing out of the room.

Natasha sighed as the door closed shut, leaving the two of you alone once more. “I didn’t want you to freak out.”

“I was already freaking out,” you countered. “Tell me exactly what happened, Nat.”

Your hand drew back to your side when she released you. “I was taking a drive around the city,” she started. “I approached a red light, but when I tried to brake for it, I felt the brake piston snap. I jumped off the bike when I realized what was happening.” You could picture the rest of it, her jumping off the bike as it continued forward into oncoming traffic. You didn’t need an active imagination to know what happened after that. 

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” you confessed, leaning down to gently rest your forehead against hers. “And your text didn’t make me feel any better, by the way. If you had become a vegetable or something, I would’ve killed you.”

She laughed, her hand resting on the back of your neck. She pulled you down, connecting your lips to hers in a soft kiss. You felt yourself melting into her, having to use the bed to keep you somewhat on your feet. When the door opened once more, you forced yourself away from her.

"Now that everything seems to be okay," the doctor stated, clearing his throat. He lingered by the door as it swung close behind him, flipping through the chart once again. "You're fine aside from the fractured rib or two, a few scrapes and bruises, but I'd like to keep you overnight for observation," he said, shrugging casually as he held the clipboard against him. "Especially after seeing the bike's condition."

"That won't be necessary-"

"She'll stay," you declared, interrupting her. You continued to stare at the doctor with a wide smile while she turned her head to look at you, eyebrow raised. "Thank you, doctor." You offered him your hand, which he shook briefly before leaving the room. You looked at Natasha, the smile still wide on your face. "This is your punishment."

She rolled her eyes, sucking in a sharp breath. "I would've preferred a different kind of punishment."

"Oh, I bet you would," you said, laughing. "You're not that lucky." She grinned, trying not to laugh to avoid the pain. "So, why'd you cancel your sessions today?"

She sighed, laying her head back. Her eyes fluttered close as if she were suddenly exhausted, her hand searching for yours in her moment of blindness. You didn't hesitate to grab onto her, feeling her relax under your touch. "I had some errands to run."

You tilted your head, confused. Errands? During training? The least she could've done was told you, you would've loved to go on an errand run with her. To get away from all the recruits and just take a moment between the two of you. No, something else was going on here. "You're a terrible liar," you declared and she laughed, but immediately regretted it as pain shot through her ribs.

"Don't make me laugh, Y/N," she pleaded, her eyes slowly opening to look at you.

"Keep your secrets," you stated, letting go of her hand. You smiled softly at her, genuinely relieved that she was actually okay. You couldn't care where she went or what she was doing, she's safe now. And that's all that mattered to you.

You had cancelled the remaining training sessions with John to stay by Natasha. It was the least you could do after making her stay in the hospital overnight. You didn't want to leave her to suffer alone, but you had eventually drifted off to sleep somewhere around midnight. Natasha watched you for a while, a small smile on her face as you laid in what seemed to be the most uncomfortable position in the hospital brand armchair, before she dozed off as well.

But she was stirred awake when the door clicked shut, a shadowed figure venturing into the room and she almost called out to you before she noticed that, in the sliver of light provided from the parking lot outside, you were still fast asleep on the armchair.

She watched as the new presence placed a blanket over you, causing you to move a little under the added weight before you settled back into your deep slumber. The person bent over, planting a light, soft kiss on your forehead and, in that moment, Natasha saw their face pass one of the rays of light and she was instantly on guard.

"I didn't know you knew your way around a motorcycle." Natasha's voice was firm, powerful, yet quiet as to not wake you. 

She tensed at her sentence, slowly straightening her form. Her eyes didn't leave your sleeping body, but she did lean towards Natasha. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Natasha stared at Maria's silhouetted figure, eyebrows slightly pinched together. "I know what you're doing." 

Finally, Maria looked away from you and towards the bed, her head moving slightly to reveal her blue eyes in a sliver of light. Natasha made eye contact with her. "What's that?"

She's really playing dumb. She could deny it all she wants, Natasha knows she sabotaged her motorcycle. She couldn't connect the pieces until now, seeing her care for you while you were asleep. She did her own inspection on her motorcycle yesterday, everything was intact. Not a screw out of place. But her brake piston suddenly decided to give in? That's sabotage.

But she didn't understand why Maria would do it. Now she does. Maria's trying to get rid of the competition, which is Natasha. She wasn't going down that easily, though.

"Stay away from Y/N." It was four words, each one filled with a different threat. Normally, Maria would've been obeying Natasha's threat without hesitation, but the things she feels just by thinking about you made her defiant.

Maria said nothing as she slunked away, leaving the hospital room like nothing had happened. Natasha knew she had to be on her guard now.

She just didn't think she'd have to watch your back, too.

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The agent you had been talking to separated from you, bidding a farewell as they walked into a room while you kept walking down the hall, now being able to focus more on your surroundings. And you saw the back of a certain little redhead that should be training right now.

She was talking to one of Clint's recruits, but the conversation seemed as if it was about to end by the way the recruit took a step back. You snuck up to her, the recruit turning on their heels as they said their thanks and parted ways. You were kinda annoyed with how she was supposed to be resting when she was standing right here, not in bed. You don't really understand why she'd lie to you. Lying usually means hiding secrets. Like what exactly she was doing yesterday to end up in that accident. 

When you reached her, you placed your hands on her hips, feeling her tense underneath your touch for a slight moment before instantly relaxing. "I thought you were supposed to be in bed," you said softly, your chin resting against her shoulder as your lips brushed her ear. She turned around and your hands were instantly back to your sides.

Your stomach dropped to your feet when you made eye contact with Maria, your eyes studying her new short, curly haircut that she had dyed red, her black hair no more. You took a step back, your face flushed with embarrassment as you looked around, seeing if anybody saw this devastating moment.

"You… You got a haircut," you stammered.

Maria smiled, thinking about how cute you are when you get flustered. "Yeah," she said, nodding as she ran a hand through it. You swallowed your mouthful of saliva, your hands playing with themselves nervously. "I figured it was time for a change. The long black hair just wasn't doing it for me anymore."

You chewed on your lip, still trying to wrap your head around what the hell is happening here. "I'm so sorry," you finally said, realizing that she was waiting for an uncomfortable amount of time for you to reply. "You just… You looked like my girlfriend from behind." You couldn't even remember her name in this moment of humiliation. And you didn't even realize how fast Maria lost her smile when you said girlfriend. As if the word was toxic. 

"Hey, I'm not the one apologizing this time." Maria laughed it off as you hid your face in your hands. She was so nonchalant about it while you were mentally scolding yourself. You felt like you cheated on Natasha, the guilt getting to your head a lot harder than it should. You didn't do anything. You didn't kiss her. You just placed your hands on her hips, maybe got a bit too close to her ear. That's it. "Y/N?"

You removed your hands from your face, cleared your throat, and maintained your posture. "I like your haircut," you commented. "Makes your eyes... pop." You sent her a smile, though she knew it didn't reach your eyes. "I have to go. John's waiting for me." You quickly scurried away, rubbing the back of your neck as you groaned.

You decided to hide in your room, too self-conscious to be out in the world right now. Lying in the middle of a dark room, door locked, you felt at peace with yourself. You don't know how long time has passed and you were pretty sure you dozed off because you were startled by the harsh tapping at your door. You ignored it, pulling a pillow over your head and pressing it into your face as the knocking got more persistent. Couldn't they take a hint?

"Y/N, open the door. I know you're in there." The sound of Natasha's voice should've soothed you, made you feel more relaxed, but it only stressed you out more. Does she know? Does she not know? You don't know which one is worse if you're going to be real. Deep down, you knew it wasn't as big of a deal as you're making it, but it felt so wrong.

There was a break in her knocking, silence for a moment. Long enough for you to believe that she had just given up and walked away, leaving you to wallow in your self-pity, but then you heard the door lock turn and the door was pushed open, closing a moment later. The pillow on your face was yanked off of you and you blinked, surprised.

She has a key. Of course, she has a key.

You felt the bed dip down behind you when she added her weight to it, her arm snaking itself around your waist and pulling you close to her. You didn't fight her as she rested her cheek on the top of your head, the arm that was resting around your waist moved up, her hand pressing against your chest, your heart beating steadily against her palm. You know she was ignoring her pain for you.

"Do you even know what time it is?"

"No."

You both were whispering as if you were scared to disturb the darkness engulfing you in comfort. This was nice. You had thought you couldn't face her, but her holding you so tightly in her arms, you felt right. You felt like everything was right in the world as if the whole Maria thing didn't happen.

"You've been in here for the whole day." Her voice was so… calming. It melted your worries away like a hot flame. You belonged here, at this moment, in her arms. Yours to love. "I was worried about you." She released a heavy, relieved sigh, her breath skinning across your cheek. Now that she knew you were safe and not off dying in a ditch somewhere, she could relax. "I haven't heard from you at all today. And when Nolan came to my room to tell me you missed training, I just…" She sighed once again, her mind rewinding that moment John found her, that feeling of fear and terror. She spent the rest of the day searching for you, getting out of bed, fighting against the pain of her fractured ribs so she could find you, so she could hold you, feel your heartbeat under her touch.

John could use a break, anyway. You've been training him as much as possible to win this competition, so he deserves to skip a training session or two.

"I'm fine," you assured her softly, letting out a deep breath. "Just… mortified."

She hummed thoughtfully, encouraging you to say more as she pressed you tighter against her, sucking in a deep breath as she closed her eyes.

"Remember that night at dinner, you said that you thought Maria has a crush on me?" You felt her tense around you, her eyes snapping open. She couldn't stop her mind from wandering, picturing Maria advancing on you, replacing that with the feeling of her knuckles connecting to the bitch's jaw with no remorse. It could happen during training, the "accidental" injury between her and Natasha's fist. Nobody would question it. Only her.

"Yes." It was one syllable, one word, said between clenched teeth, her jaw locked tight in frustration at the thought of Maria touching you.

"I'm starting to think it's you she's crushing on."

That took an unexpected turn. You instantly felt her body relax, her jaw unlocking itself. "Why do you say that?"

"Have you not seen her at all today?"

"Y/N, I've been in bed all day, too." She shook her head with a smile as you turned to lie on your back, Natasha propping her head up with her elbow so she could see your face, her other hand resting on your stomach as you played with her fingers. 

"She got a haircut," you said, sighing. "Short. Red."

She furrowed her eyebrows, turning her head so she could watch you play with her hand. "Kinda like-"

"You." You nodded, moving to hide your face behind your hands, but she was quicker and managed to catch you by your fingers. "From the back, she looks just like you."

Realization dawned on her and she… laughed. Softly, not the "in your face" kinda laugh that would make you feel even more bad. "You thought she was me."

"It was humiliating, Nat," you stated. You relived the moment in your head again and you wanted to scream. "I just sort of… blacked out. One second, I'm standing in front of a new and improved Maria. Next, I'm hearing you knocking against my door." You stared ahead, eyes wide. "It's horrifying. It doesn't go with her skin tone at all."

Natasha chuckled, her head falling back into the pillow. "And here I thought something bad actually happened."

"Something bad did happen, Nat," you expressed. "I thought it was you, so I…" You explained what you did, cheeks red with embarrassment.

Natasha gasped, picking her head up again. "You didn't."

"I did." There was a moment of silence, Natasha letting you soak in your thoughts for a second before you smacked her shoulder. "I hate you."

"Babe, you're acting like it's the end of the world," she stated. "Did you sleep with her?"

"Wha- No! Of course not! Why would that even-"

"Then everything is fine," she assured you, laying back into the pillow. And then she chuckled as she said, "At least I know you won't cheat on me."

"I could cheat on you if I wanted to," you declared stubbornly, "I just don't want to."

"You're falling apart because you grabbed another girl's waist," Natasha said, laughing. "Just imagine what would happen to you if you actually did sleep with someone."

"Oh, my- I'd just have a full-on meltdown at that point." Your stomach twisted at even the thought of sleeping with someone that isn't Natasha. "It's all you. You're the only one I want, Romanoff."

She grinned. "Prove it."

You rolled your eyes, listening to her squeal as you rolled over on top of her, pinning her arms above her head by her wrists. Your legs tangled around hers, the blanket weaving around your ankles as you moved. She lightly tugged against your grip on her wrists as you used your free hand to smooth out the indent in between her eyebrows, your face close to hers. Your finger trailed down her face, rounding her nose and swiping across her bottom lip. When her face contorted in pain, you started to pull away, but she shook her head, desperate to keep you on her. To her, the pain was worth it. But you lifted your weight off of her a little bit, relieving her from some of the pain.

"I'll prove it," you whispered, your lips brushing against her ear. Her heartbeat picked up speed underneath you, her head instinctively turning away from you to give you better access to her neck. She writhed underneath you when your lips connected to a spot on her neck, her hands pushing a bit harder against your constraint, desperate to touch you.

"Let me," she pleaded, her sentence fading into a moan as you dragged your lips lower. "Y/N. Please."

You couldn't help but laugh at her begging, your smile pressed against her skin. The second your grip loosened, her hands were immediately under your shirt, gasping at her cool fingers dancing along your back, sliding upwards and creating a trail of goosebumps behind her path. 

"Stop teasing me," she whispered. "You've proven it."

You hummed against her neck for a moment before picking your head up, your nose rubbing against hers. She lifted her chin in an attempt to latch your lips onto hers, but your lips merely brushed against each other, leaving her whining underneath you.

"I am…" She made eye contact with you, her eyes begging for more of your taste, her tongue flicking out to lick her lips and you almost gave in. Almost. "...hungry."

She tried to hold onto you, but you managed to escape her and climb off the bed, laughing at her pleading groans. "I hate you so much right now."

You turned to look at her, seeing her tangled in the blankets, her hair tousled around her face, surrounding her in the perfect frame of red tangles. If she hadn't been so cocky, you would've finished what you started. And this picture of her right now would've ignited that burning desire deep down in your soul, but you made yourself walk backward, your eyes remaining on her vulnerable form as you blindly made your way to the door.

"The things I'd be doing to you right now," you told her, biting your bottom lip to prevent the smile from growing on your face. Your back bumped into the door, your hand finding the knob almost immediately. "You could be screaming my name right now."

"Y/N." She moaned your name, her hand reaching out to you, desperate for your hold. "Please."

You stepped forward, bringing the door with you as you opened it. "Maybe later." You sent her a wink before turning to leave, your heart dropping as you jumped back when you saw Maria on the other side, her hand up as she was about to knock. The gasp that left your throat was enough to make Natasha climb out of bed to join your side.

She saw it for herself, the new haircut Maria was flaunting matched that of her own. She didn't know how to handle this, the shock keeping her lips sealed as the two of you stared at her.

You were wrong. It went along well with her skin tone, but she didn't want to admit that. She knew why you said it.

"I was just… checking up on you." Maria stared between the two of you, marking the crazy hairstyle Natasha has going on, clearing her throat as she brought her arm back to her side. "We haven't bumped into each other today after this morning." She was clearly interrupting something.

"She's fine," Natasha said, finally able to find her voice while you, on the other hand, still couldn't. It was going to take a while to get used to the hairdo, knowing you're gonna have to pay close attention now that two distinct redheads are mucking about in the compound. You don't even know where to begin to comprehend how weird this could possibly be for Natasha.

Maria's eyes flickered to Natasha, blazing with annoyance. She was talking to you, not her. The look was subtle, hidden amongst a toothy grin and hopeful face.

You cleared your throat, finally snapping out of your daze. "I'm fine." You sent Maria a smile as you leaned against the door. "Thanks for checking up on me, Maria."

Her smile reached her eyes at your voice, her head tilting just slightly at your manners. You were oblivious to the tense stare Natasha was sending her; she wasn't, but she stood against it. She wasn't going to scare her away from you. "Anytime." She meant it when she said it. She'd drop anything and everything to run to you when you call. She turned to face Natasha, her eyes hardening to mirror the true redhead's glare. "I was wondering if we could postpone the training-"

"You, a rookie, are asking me to postpone your training?" Maria could see which way this was going to go. Natasha knows Maria's little secret, but what she doesn't know is the true depth of her feelings for you are. "Actually, I'm going to make it an hour earlier. I expect you to be on time." Natasha's arm extended in front of you, pushing you back slightly so she could shut the door on Maria.

"That was a bit harsh," you commented, watching Natasha run a hand through her tangled hair. You grinned, crossing your arms over your shoulder. "Are you trying to make me know that you're not returning her crush?"

Her hand froze in the middle of her hair, eyes zoning out for a moment. You don't realize Maria's affection and she's not sure if she should tell you or not. She's definitely not threatened by the likes of Maria, and if she was willing to go far enough to sabotage her motorcycle and to chop off her hair and dye it the same color as Natasha's, then her "crush" might not be just that. "I'd like to keep an eye on her," Natasha expressed. "I think you should steer clear from Maria for a bit, too. I'm worried."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why are you worried? Maria is harmless."

Harmless for now. Training her to become more of a threat is what's worrying her. She's gonna have to file a transfer, get Maria out of here and away from you. She's already advanced as is, with a month and a half of training under her belt. 

"Baby." Your voice pulled her out of her thoughts, blinking them away. You stepped up to you, wrapping your arms around her waist and pulling her close to you. "What's on your mind?" You pouted, the pout you always used to get information out of Natasha, the pout she always gave in to.

But she didn't want you to worry. Soon, Maria's just going to be a lost memory between the two of you once she gets that transfer filed. "Nothing," she said before planting a quick kiss on the tip of your nose. Your pout turned into a frown. You knew she was lying. "Let's go to bed."

"I wanna get some food first." You've been in bed all day, hiding from your humiliation. You sent her a warm smile, the tenseness in her eyes relaxing. "I'll be back." You caught her lips in a quick, soft kiss before breaking away from her, feeling a bit repetitive as you walked backward to the door. "Want something?" She crossed her arms over her chest as she shook her head, a small smile tugging her lips. She watched you leave the room.

There weren't a lot of people in the compound at this time, a few stragglers here and there, but nothing like it is during the day. It was quiet, peaceful, and the kitchen was practically empty aside from an agent or two enjoying a break.

You settled on something quick, feeling too lazy to cook actual food. You just wanted to eat and get back to Natasha as fast as possible, knowing she was waiting with an empty spot next to her just for you. You managed to get a few bites in before the chair next to you was pulled away from the table, having to do a double-take to make sure it was Maria and not Natasha.

You remembered Natasha's words and your first instinct upon seeing her sit down next to you was to run, but… you were frozen. You couldn't move.

"Hey," she said softly, a small smile lifting the corner of her lips. "Are you really okay?"

No. "Yes." How did she know where to find you?

She squinted her eyes, skeptical of your answer. There was zero thinking in the response. "Are you sure? If Agent Romanoff is hurting you-"

"Definitely not," you stated. You couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Natasha ever hurting you, shaking your head as you turned away from Maria and back to your food. "Nat would never hurt me. We’re fine.”

She released a long sigh, making you turn your head to look back at her. "I was in a relationship like that, once," she admitted, looking away from you. She rubbed her arms, shy, as a small smile lifted her lips. "We were together for so long and it was perfect. I was so in love that I didn't realize what she was doing to me. She started with little white lies, and then she told me to stay away from certain people, hiding things." And then she sighed, the reminiscing smile fading away from her face. “It wasn’t until I found out she was cheating on me that I had a wake-up call.”

You looked away again, your teeth clenching. Natasha loved you, she would never do that to you… right? "I'm sorry you had to go through that," you expressed, sending her a smile, "but this is not my relationship. We've been together for years and it's been perfect."

She pursed her lips together for a moment. "All good things come to an end," is the only thing she said. She patted you on the shoulder as she stood up, leaving you alone with your food… and thoughts.

She held a smile on her face as she walked away.

You and Natasha were fine. You couldn’t let Maria get into your head like that, turning away from her retreating form to go back to your food. You stared at the plate in front of you, eyebrows furrowed deeply in thought. Natasha wouldn’t do those things, she loved you… right?

You had suddenly lost your appetite, cleaning up your food before leaving the kitchen. You didn’t go back to the bedroom, to Natasha. Instead, you made your way to the training room and positioned yourself in front of a punching bag, wrapping tape around your fingers. You needed to think, and punching helped push your thoughts down the hill to get them rolling.

So what if she doesn’t tell you her thoughts all the time? She was worried about Maria, but why? You saw no real threat in the recruit. Really, you should be the one to be worried about Maria. Her crush on Natasha has managed to evolve into something creepy, like getting the same exact haircut. You should be concerned for Natasha’s safety, standing by her side in case Maria’s obsession takes a turn for the worse. Everything in you wanted to protect her, to hold onto her defensively. You knew Natasha could handle herself, but at the moment, it didn’t matter.

You just wanted her to be safe.

You threw a frustrated punch into the punching bag, huffing in annoyance when it ripped open underneath your fist, the pressure of the sand tearing the hole to make it bigger. You were forced to take a step back as the sand started pouring out, making a pile on the floor beneath the hanging bag.

“You must have some secret super strength or something you never told me about.” You flinched at the voice, picking your head up to see Clint walking into the room. You sighed, a bit relieved that it wasn’t a redhead, either one of them. “How come you never told me?”

“It’s an old bag,” you expressed, eyebrows furrowed in slight anger as you looked back at the hole. “It was going to give in eventually.” It just so happened to give in on your most frustrating punch.

He helped you unhook the bag from the ceiling, laying it flat so it would stop spilling its guts everywhere. You scratched the top of your head, staring at the big pile of sand in the middle of the training room. You chewed the inside of your cheek, lost in thought. So lost in thought that you hadn’t even processed that Clint was talking until he snapped his fingers in front of your face.

“What?” You blinked, looking at him.

He grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you okay?”

“Why is everybody asking me that?” You huffed in annoyance, harshly unwrapping the tape from your knuckles. You avoided eye contact with him, focused on the tape. “I’m fine.”

He sighed, watching as you started having trouble removing the tape from your knuckles, the strip getting tangled in God knows what, and you threw your hands in the air. You give up, your eyes burning with tears from how agitated you were with this whole thing. Clint saw this, taking a step forward and gently grabbing onto your hand.

You watched as he removed the tape from your knuckles for you, sniffling loudly. The quiet between the two of you was welcoming, needed. You just wanted the comfort of someone who’s not judging you, who’s not questioning everything you do. He crumpled up the tape between his hands when he got it all off of you, sending you a kind smile when you looked up at him.

“If I didn’t know any better, then I’d say that you’re definitely not fine,” he stated as a matter of factly. You glared at him through your unshed tears, eyes and cheeks red. “What’s on your mind, Y/N?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, chewing the inside of your cheek once again. Maria’s words just echoed in your head and you can’t believe you were letting her play with your emotions like this. “It’s just something Maria said,” you admitted, placing a hand on your forehead and closing your eyes. You just wanted to hide in your bed again.

“What’d she say?”

You scratched the back of your head as your eyes slowly opened, releasing a hefty sigh. “She suggested that… Nat was cheating.”

You saw the second Clint lost his casual mask, anger crossing his features within the blink of an eye. His eyes narrowed, fire igniting behind his pupils at your words. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this angry before, and you’ve seen situations where he was mad. “She said that?”

“Suggested.”

“And you believe her?”

“Of course not!” You were so annoyed with yourself when you even believed it for a second. The signs, according to Maria, were all there. The small lies, the controlling. Though it wasn’t as much as she claimed it to be. It was one little lie, one moment of controlling, one day of hiding, but there’s always escalation. Once it starts, you don’t think it’ll ever end. “It’s just the thought. The possibility.”

Clint was still fuming, his arms crossed over his chest as he harshly squished the wad of tape in his hand. It didn’t matter what anybody said, Clint knows Natasha isn’t a cheater. “Maria has an... infatuation with you.”

“That’s what Nat was saying,” you said, “but it’s painstakingly obvious that Maria likes Nat.” You could even say love if you wanted, but you didn’t. Nat wasn’t Maria’s to love, she was yours.

“Seriously?” The anger in Clint’s eyes seemed to have evaporated at your obliviousness, furrowing your eyebrows together when a grin showed up on his face. He was amused. “Y/N, she did her hair to look precisely like Nat.”

“Exactly.”

“Your girlfriend.”

“My- Oh.” Your eyebrows shot up in shock. Why hasn’t that even crossed your mind? Maria dyed and cut her hair to mirror Natasha’s for you, not for her. She thinks you have a thing for redheads when, in reality, you just have a thing for Natasha. Red colored your cheeks, clearing your throat from the embarrassment that you felt. Now that you think about it, it would’ve been a bit weird for Natasha to date someone that looks like her. Talk about an ego.

Clint couldn’t help but laugh at this serious situation, seeing the realization slowly cross your features in real-time. “How have you not realized the love that girl has for you?”

You already answered this kind of question when Natasha asked it a month ago, and you gave Clint the same answer you had given her. You were way too focused on Natasha to notice anybody else. Maria was just a recruit to you, not even a competition to Natasha. “It doesn’t matter how Maria feels about me, Clint. I will choose Natasha, every single time.”

He patted you on the shoulder, clearly glad to hear you say that. “So stop doubting her,” he declared. “She’s not cheating on you. She would never cheat on you, Y/N, because she loves you too much to do that. And don’t let Hopkins get in your head.”

“You’re right.” You groaned, rubbing your face. You really needed that vacation Natasha’s mentioning. At this point, you don’t even care if she wins and picks the location. You wanted to get out of here for a bit, not even think about anything SHIELD related.

“Good.” He nodded, uncrossing his arms and tossing the wad of tape in the air, but you managed to snatch it before it fell back into his hand. He rolled his eyes as you started walking away, tossing the tape into the nearest trash before leaving the training room.

You're gonna have to apologize to maintenance about the pile of sand when you see them.

“How’s your training going?” you questioned as he walked alongside you in the halls. 

He sighed. “Not good,” he confessed. “My recruits don’t seem to be into it anymore. They’re not even trying.” You had to bite back a smile, crossing your arms over your chest as you wandered around the compound with Clint by your side. Of course they were no longer trying. You had informed them that the top agent in their class would be nominated to be the director’s assistant, how it happened every few years and this was one of those years.

At first mention, it sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity, but the more you talked about assisting Nick Fury, the more it seemed like a chore. It was a made up position, obviously, so of course you had to go all out on it. The pay was absolutely horrible, they would barely get any time out in the field, and Nick Fury himself was just an absolute asshole to his assistant, not being able to keep one for more than a year. After mentioning little fake facts, you saw the look on their faces.

They didn’t want that job. The only thing that’s worse than having just one recruit is having two that don’t try.

“Looks like you’re going to be the loser this year, then,” you stated, clapping him on the back with a laugh. “Big, juicy steak with my name on it, just waiting to be paid by Clint Barton.”

“We’ll see in a month, Y/N,” he promised. “I’m going to whip these recruits into shape, even if it kills me.”

“Even if it gets you an HR visit?”

“Even then!” he confirmed and you laughed again. “I’m not a sore loser. I’m not rubbing the fact that you only have one recruit in your face.”

“Nat said something, huh."

“Yep," he confessed, laughing.

You grinned. Natasha must have told him to cool it on the teasing. You didn’t mind when he did it, but you thought it was even funnier when Natasha got on his case about it. Watching the “big man” cripple in fear underneath a petite redhead was the best thing you could ever see.

“Whatever,” he muttered.

“I didn’t even say anything!”

He rolled his eyes, slightly pushing you away from him. “Your grin says otherwise,” he countered and you laughed. “I’m going to bed.” Shaking his head, he separated from you, your laughter chasing him as he walked away.

You made your way to your own bedroom, excited to join Natasha in bed now. The door to your room came into view, your heart picking up speed at the thought of her, but you skidded to a halt when you heard the faint noise of someone crying behind a partly closed door, the maintenance closet. Everything in you told you to just ignore it, to walk away, but there was a small voice in the back of your head that told you to comfort whoever it was that was crying. The part in your brain that had the moral compass, telling you that the right thing to do in this situation is to check up on the person behind the door. And, so, you did.

You pushed the door open slowly, just enough to get into the room, the person crying in the dim light immediately halting their sobs, sniffling. You peeked around the corner and saw Maria sitting on an upside down bucket, sighing as you realized that you should’ve just kept on walking and now it was just too late to turn back now. You told yourself that Clint’s words were just not the truth, that Maria didn’t have any feelings for you. It made it easier as you entered the closet, staying a few feet away from her just in case.

“Looks like it’s my turn to ask, but are you okay?” You crossed your arms over your chest loosely, preparing to use them if need be.

Maria laughed humorlessly at your pathetic joke, nodding her head and using the back of her hand to wipe off a side of her face, though it wasn’t worth it. More tears just recovered it. “I’ll be fine.”

You sighed, taking a tentative step forward. “What happened?”

“John... broke up with me.” That’s right, she’s dating John! There was no way she’ll have feelings for other people if she’s opening herself up to dating, right? You had completely forgotten about their relationship, seeing them together for the first time a month ago in that restaurant and just not thinking about it ever again. It didn’t seem like they were dating, but you understood if they wanted to keep it on the down low. Especially since they’re both recruits.

You walked the rest of the way into the closet, kneeling down in front of her. You weren’t very good at the consoling part. It was easier with Natasha because if she was upset, all you had to do was just hold her and she was okay afterward, but you didn’t want to hold Maria. Even if she does look like Natasha.

“Hey, it’s not the end of the world,” you assured her. “Sure, it feels like it now, but that feeling doesn’t last forever. Trust me, Maria. I’ve gone through my share of breakups.” You rested a hand on her shoulder, not even thinking about the contact, not even thinking about how her jaw clenched and her eyes fluttering close underneath your touch. “He’s an idiot, anyway. You’re a great, kind person, Maria, and he’s stupid for throwing that away.”

Her eyes opened and she looked at you, tears no longer coated her eyes. A smile lifted her lips and the silence between you started to get awkward, especially since your hand was still on her shoulder. You wanted to break it, either the contact or the silence, but when you tried to pull your hand away from her, she quickly caught your wrist. Her grip was tight, refusing to let go even if you tried to lightly tug against her.

“Maria-”

“I need comfort.” You felt her pull your wrist to her, making you lose balance and fall to your knees, ultimately getting closer to her. She didn’t waste a moment, her lips finding yours the second your knees touched the floor, the second you were close to her. The kiss was rough, harsh, everything you didn’t want in a kiss. Her other hand wrapped around the back of your neck in a tight grip, pulling you into her and preventing you from pushing her away. You felt her teeth against your lips, desperately trying to get away from her. And thank God for breathing because the instant she needed to breathe, the instant she pulled herself back just a little bit to catch her breath, you managed to use your free hand to swipe up in between your faces, knocking her arm off of your neck.

You were on your feet immediately, staggering back to get as far away from her as possible. You wondered just how far she would have gone if you hadn’t managed to escape her grasp, the look of a broken hearted girl no longer on her face. She was angry, annoyed that you got away. Your hand found the door, pulling it open the rest of the way, letting the light from the hall flood the room in a brighter color.

She stood up, stepping towards you. “Y/N, I’m sorry,” she begged. “I was… just so vulnerable.” That wasn’t vulnerability. That was… something else. “Y/N, please.”

You finally got your common sense back and left the room, feeling her watch you run away. She gritted her teeth and kicked the bucket she was sitting on, wiping off the tears from her face. She had always been able to make herself cry on command, it wasn’t hard and it always works like a charm. She wasn’t dating John. And as long as you don’t bring it up, you won’t know that.

She knew you were running to Natasha and that only made her even more pissed off. She was mad at herself, too. She rushed into it too quickly, not giving you the time to process your feelings for her. She was scaring you off and she needed to pull back. But the thing is, she didn’t want to. She wanted you. She needed you. And that kiss? Oh, that was her breaking point. She had both boyfriends and girlfriends throughout her life and not a single one of them made her feel like that while kissing. She was going to get you.

And she’ll stop at nothing to get her way.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━⧗━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

When Natasha opened her eyes, she slowly rolled over, grunting in pain, to see you lying on your back next to her, your eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. If it wasn’t for your chest subtly rising and falling, she would’ve thought you were dead. She placed a hand on your shoulder, but immediately pulled it away when you flinched at the feeling, gasping as if you haven’t been breathing the whole time.

She saw a tear slowly crawl down your cheek and she was instantly on high alert, propping her head up with her elbow. Her eyebrows pinched together in anger, her jaw tightening as she stared at you, another tear following the trail the first one left.

“What happened, baby?” She tried to keep her voice even and calm, but there was a touch of toxicity in her tone. She couldn’t help it. Just the thought of somebody potentially hurting you to the point where you were just lying there like a statue… she wanted to kill them.

“I’m so sorry.” Your voice was quiet, cracking. Another tear slid down your face and she fought the instinct to swipe it away. “I… I…” You finally moved a limb, your hand covering your eyes as a sob escaped the back of your throat.

Natasha was scared to touch you. She didn’t want to scare you at the same time she wanted to hold you, to wrap you in her arms as tight as she possibly can and never let go. But her limbs were just as frozen as yours, anger making her rigid. Your hand still covered your eyes, refusing to let anymore tears be seen as your fingers soaked them up. She stayed quiet, letting you process.

“I’m so naïve,” you continued, your hand falling from your face. She saw you now, your red eyes, your red cheeks, your red nose. You wanted to cry so hard, but you fought against that feeling for now. “I should’ve listened to you and Clint. I should’ve… I should’ve walked away. She...” Your sentence cut off in a sob.

“What did she do?” Natasha instantly knew who you were talking about, her jaw clenching so tight that she could crack a walnut between her teeth. Her free hand balled into a fist, her nails digging into her palm. You weren't looking at her to see the anger and she was thankful for that.

In between your sobbing and tears, you told her what had happened in that maintenance closet with Maria, even the moment in the kitchen, Natasha listening closely. Her eyes narrowed as your story was coming to an end, her blood boiling with pure rage, but the feeling quickly melted away when you covered your face with both of your hands, crying into your palms. As much as she wanted to go seek Maria and show her exactly what the consequences of doing this to you were, she wanted to console you even more. 

She gently placed a hand on one of your elbows. The second she touched you, you rolled over into her arms, your hands leaving your face as you cried into her. She held onto you tightly, rubbing your back as you half sobbed, half apologized.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't feel angry with you in her arms. She wanted to imagine what she was going to do to Maria, but she couldn't. She could only think of you, holding onto her so tightly as if you were afraid to let go. 

She planted her lips on the top of your head and stayed there, shushing you soothingly as you continued to cry. 

It didn't take long for you to fall asleep. Your sleeping schedule was all wrong now that you had slept the day away yesterday. And you would've stayed asleep, too, but when you reached for Natasha, your hand caught the mattress and not her body, pulling you out of your slumber. It was early, she must be trying to train. You wondered if it would go well with her injury. She doesn't necessarily need to be physical to train, but it's easier.

Your eyes opened, brain foggy. You instinctively wiped your face, feeling the dried tear stains and you were reminded of what had happened. Guilt ate at you as you sat up, rubbing your eyes with your palms as you sucked in a shaky breath. The urge to stay in bed all day again was strong, you even went as far as to pull the covers over your head. 

A groan came from underneath the covers and you threw them off your head, looking over at the empty spot and furrowing your eyebrows when you saw that Natasha's phone still sat on the nightstand. She usually takes her phone with her, it's a part of the job. You sucked on your bottom lip for a moment before climbing out of the bed with another groan, getting to your feet and putting on some fresh clothes before leaving the room.

You checked the kitchen when you didn't find her in the training room, spotting one of her recruits, Stephen Griggs, sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal. You walked up to him and he greeted you with a smile, a mouthful of cereal behind it. Milk dribbled down his chin as he quickly swallowed the cereal to greet you with a "good morning", wiping the milk off of his chin.

"Aren't you supposed to be training?"

He shrugged. "Agent Romanoff never showed up," he stated. "I just figured she was still training Hopkins."

You couldn't help but wince at the name, your posture straightening defensively. "They're not in the training room."

"No, they wouldn't be," he assured. "Romanoff thought it'd be better to train outside today because of the weather. They should be-"

"I know. Thanks." You waved him off as you walked away.

You knew Natasha was professional enough not to let what happened last night affect training Maria. The quicker she gets Maria out of the training program, the sooner neither of you have to see her ever again. 

After checking outside to see that she wasn't out there, you were starting to get a bit worried. You soon found yourself in front of Maria's door, a shared room with one of Clint's recruits, who was no doubtedly training right now. And if Natasha wasn't outside or in the training room with Maria, then Maria had to be in here.

Hesitantly, you knocked on the door. As much as you didn't want to, you had to face Maria to question her about Natasha. You had to put the humiliation on hold for a moment to find out where your girlfriend was… if the door ever opened, which it didn't. You turned away to leave, but froze when you heard a floorboard creak from behind the closed door. You could be hearing things, desperation can lead to you hearing what you want to hear, so you tried to open the door.

It was locked, but that didn't stop you from knocking on it again.

"Maria?" You leaned against the door, raising your voice so that she would hear you no matter where she was in the room. You cleared your throat, glancing over your shoulder. "Maria, I'm just… I'm trying to find Nat. Have you seen her?"

Silence. Maybe you were just hearing things, sighing after a moment before ultimately leaving. 

You made it back to your room, having to get dressed and ready for John's next training session despite Natasha being the only thing on your mind. You weren't going to be a very good teacher today, but John has been handling himself well. The only thing he needs help with is the same exact thing you had trouble with when you were training - the shooting range. Other than that, he was perfect. 

He actually has a chance at placing second. 

You were pulling your shoes on when Natasha's phone released a vibration, the nightstand enhancing the sound. You ignored it at first, not giving it a second thought. You tied your shoes and stood up, the phone flickering on a moment later with another text.

You caught a glimpse of it, the word baby catching your interest. You were just going to ignore it again, but now you were just curious.

You swiped the phone off the nightstand, unplugging it from the charger and unlocking her phone - your birthday was her passcode, isn't that adorable? - to look at the texts. 

Baby, I'm pretty sure I left my bra in your room. That text alone should've ripped your heart to pieces, but the messages kept coming, new, sent moments ago. 

Nat, are you there?

I'll stop by in a moment to get my bra. We don't need Y/N finding out.

Are we still on for tonight? I can do that new thing that Y/N doesn't want. You know, the position where you-  You stopped reading, not finishing the sentence. 

The phone fell from your hand and landed on the ground with a thud as you raced to the bathroom, dropping to your knees in front of the toilet to empty out whatever is in your stomach.

The more you pictured Natasha in bed with someone else, the more you puked. "All good things come to an end," thought in Maria's condescending, bone-chilling voice. You gagged into the toilet, but there was nothing left in your stomach. You had emptied it, just like Natasha has emptied your heart.

You stood to your feet and washed your mouth out with water from the sink, tears blurring your vision for a brief moment before using the stream of water to rinse your face off. You felt as if you needed to vomit again, the urge to return to the toilet strong, but you walked away. You left the bathroom, your room, and made your way to Natasha's. You had to see for yourself.

The door was unlocked, which was a good thing for you considering you had left your copy of the key back in your room and you didn't feel like doubling back. You entered the room, still a bit hopeful that all of this was some sort of sick joke. You dug through her room, and she made it easy with how she always kept it clean. A highly trained assassin never leaves behind a mess, or a bra you found stuffed underneath the bed.

Not one of Natasha's.

Not one of yours.

You didn't touch the mysterious bra, turning away from it to try and get the image of it out of your memory, but it was too late. It was permanently engraved, just like picturing Natasha with someone else in this exact bed.

"She would never cheat on you, Y/N, because she loves you too much to do that." Okay, Clint, whatever you say.

You practically ran out of the room, closing the door behind you and leaning against it to regain your posture. This was how your "perfect" four year relationship was going to end? By catching her going behind your back? And don't even have an idea as to where she is to confront her about it! She's probably off with her side whore right now!

You felt sick again, your stomach twisting in a bunch of different ways. You bent over in an attempt to get your stomach to settle before you pissed off maintenance even more by throwing up in the middle of the hallway, your hands using your knees as support.

"Y/N?"

You shot up, your back a rigid pole as you looked towards the source of your name, relief flooding through you when you watched John stroll up to you. You cleared your throat, instinctively wiping your face only to realize that you had tears running down your cheeks.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," you said. You sucked in a deep breath and stepped away from Natasha's room. "What's up?"

"Training started half an hour ago." Geez, you must seem like a really crappy teacher at this point, constantly missing sessions with your only recruit. "But it seems like you're not doing okay-"

"I said I'm fine," you stated, annoyed. "Let's hit the shooting range." You allowed him to take the lead, following him outside in silence. He didn't dare speak, accepting the gun from your hand when you pulled it out of the locker. "If you shoot a civilian, restart." He nodded as he started shooting the gun.

You watched him, trying your damned hardest not to think about Natasha or the mystery woman she's cheating on you with, but it was so hard not to let your mind wander back in that general direction. Your heart hurt, along with other parts of your body. All this time and effort in the last four years for one relationship, down the drain. You thought she was the one you were going to spend forever with. Now she's the one to give you trust issues.

John finished the shooting range on his second try flawlessly, not a single civilian hit. He reloaded the gun as you told him to do it again. Each gunshot echoed in your head, dulling your senses. You wanted to scream, to cry. You wanted to just… be in Natasha's arms.

What do you do when the person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain?

"Again," you commanded John when he looked at you for guidance, his third time just as perfect as the second. You seemed to be in a vicious cycle with John right now, telling him to do it over and over again as if the results were going to change, as if the last ten times in a row he's done it 100% were just flukes, just lies. He had run out of bullets an hour later, his hands sore and calloused from shooting for sixty minutes straight.

He looked at you, his eyes wide with fear as you stared at the gun, it's empty clips resting to the side, stance tense and muscles locked. He cleared his throat, glancing over his shoulder, before stepping forward. "Y/N?"

You blinked, tearing your eyes away from the bare gun to look at him. You breathed out, your eyes fluttering close to prevent the tears you feel threatening to escape as you sucked in a deep breath. "You're dismissed, John," you said as you breathed out again, listening to John's fading footsteps.

You opened your eyes and found that you were alone. You weren't going to cry. You told yourself you weren't going to cry for a cheater. So, you gathered the vacant gun and moved to the locker, taking out a box of bullets.

You heard someone approach you from behind, but you continued filling the clips for the gun, for the next users.

"How long have you been out here for?" It was Clint. Your jaw clenched as you loaded a full clip into the locker before taking the next empty one.

"An hour." Your answer was curt, hoping he'd take the hint and leave you alone, but he walked closer to you and knew he wasn't getting the clue. Or he was just ignoring it. Either way, it was clear that he wasn't leaving you alone just yet.

"You're not okay." You only managed to load one bullet into the next clip before you slammed it down against the locker at his words, your eyes squeezing shut. Your jaw tightened. "What is it?"

"You lied to me." Your eyes flew open and you turned to look at him. He released a soft breath when he saw your face, your eyes just wanting to let the tears out. "You lied!"

"Y/N, what-"

"You said…" You ran a hand over the top of your head, grabbing onto the back of your neck. You couldn't get the words out, knowing you'll just break if you say them. But the confused, concerned look on Clint right now made you say, "You said that she would never cheat on me, Clint. You said because she loves me too much to do that!" You were right, you broke. You fell to your knees, Clint immediately crouched down, his hand resting on your shoulder in an attempt to console you.

"It's not a lie, Y/N," he said.

You shook your head, looking up at him. "She's cheating on me, Clint! I saw the- the texts! The evi- evidence!" You were crying so bad, you were hiccupping. You moved to sit on your butt, bringing your knees to your chest as his hand slid off your shoulder. 

"No, that doesn't make sense," he argued. He cleared his throat, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He moved to be in front of you, resting his arms against his knees. "Nat wouldn't do that, Y/N."

"There's hard evidence, Clint!" You shoved him away, desperate to have space so you could just breathe. He sat down a few feet away from you, holding his arms around his knees and watched you. You were quiet for a long while, your eyes staring at an empty spot in the grass. 

He waited patiently, letting you work through your thoughts, hoping you'd see that she would never do this to you. The longer you sat in silence, the more calmed you became. Your sobbing stopped and your hiccups stilled. He sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly, feeling pain for you.

"I… don't know how long it's been going on." When you spoke, your voice was soft. He wanted to comfort you, but he didn't know how. He stayed his distance either way. "I don't even know where she is to… confront her about it."

The last time Clint saw her was sometime yesterday, but only because she was searching for you. He wouldn't be able to help you find her. He has to start training soon, and he wouldn't even know where to begin. If Natasha is nowhere to be found, is it a possibility that you're right? Clint still can't find it within himself to believe that.

"I need… a drink." You climbed to your feet, Clint following your lead 

"Y/N-"

"Clint, don't." He sighed as you marched past him, placing his hands on his hips as he watched you leave over his shoulder. He'll let you drink, let you numb your thoughts to stop thinking about this situation for a moment, but after… he's going to make you talk about it.

Your face was clean by the time you walked into the living area, immediately making your way to the bar and snagging the closest bottle of alcohol you could reach. Your arms snaked over the bar, digging underneath and grabbing the first glass your fingers touched. You didn't even finish pouring the drink by the time you were swallowing the liquid. Whiskey, what a way to start off.

You were semi aware of someone sliding into the chair next to you, but you had already taken your fifth shot by then and weren't looking too well. You turned your whole body to see who joined you, your heart freezing when you made eye contact with Natasha. "Oh, look," you stated, "the cheater returns."

"Y/N." Even in your drunken state, that voice didn't belong to Natasha. "Maybe you should slow down."

"Maybe you should just leave me alone, Hopkins." You waved her off as you turned back to your drink, refilling the cup and swallowing it within five seconds. "I'm superior. You don't get to tell me what to do, recruit."

She sighed. She wanted you to stop, but she wasn't doing anything to prevent you from continuing hiding your feelings in that bottle of whiskey. If you weren't drunk, you would've questioned that. But you were, so you didn't even acknowledge that. 

"My life is ruined," you continued, filling up your cup once more. You brought the glass to your lips, breathing in the amber liquid swirling around the glass. "The love of my life, Natasha Romanoff, has been cheating on me… for god knows how long." You swallowed the liquid, sucking your teeth as it burned its way down your throat. You breathed out, your shoulders slumping. "How can I want so desperately for her to wrap me up in her arms when she didn't even hesitate to rip my heart out and step on it?" As if your heart was a lit cigarette being squashed underneath a shoe.

Maria sighed, leaning forward. "Hey," she said, gaining your attention, "it's not the end of the world." You rolled your eyes, looking away from her to pour yourself another shot. "I know it feels like that now, but that feeling doesn't last."

You swallowed another shot, slamming the glass into the table and moving to pour one more, but Maria finally decided to intervene. She grabbed the whiskey bottle from you, sliding it away and out of your reach. You leaned forward, arm stretched, and your body rubbed against hers. In the feeling of contact, Maria froze for a moment, feeling that warmth spread through her at your touch. And then she came back to her senses.

If you weren't drunk, you would've seen her add something to the bottle. If you weren't desperately trying to drown your feelings in the dark golden liquid, you would've noticed how quickly she gave in to giving you the bottle back. If you weren't absolutely heart broken, you wouldn't have just taken a shot straight from the bottle.

It didn't take long for whatever drug she used to kick in. The last thing you saw before you passed out was Maria's smiling face.

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Maybe it was the fact that you couldn't move your hands, or the fact that your nose was being filled with an unfamiliar smell. It didn't matter. Either way, you woke up to unknown surroundings.

It seemed to have been a bedroom in an old apartment building. The floral wallpaper was peeling off in some parts, revealing the nasty green sitting underneath. There was a door to the left of you and a wooden bi-fold door to the right, a closet. At least the floor was a bit clean, save for… your clothes scattered on the floor, the ones you were wearing last night. Your stomach twisted as you looked down, slightly relieved that you were only wearing a set of pajamas (that weren't yours) but still freaked out at the fact that someone changed you while you were sleeping.

You looked up to see your hands tied to the iron headboard behind you, the knots tight enough to leave burns along your wrist. The room was lit up by the window, no blinds to prevent the room from being in the dark. You opened your mouth to call out for someone, but the door swung open and a smiling Maria entered the room. Her red hair is always going to throw you off, despite the multiple times you said it'll be okay.

"Maria?" You furrowed your eyebrows, more confused now. "What's going on? Did we…" You didn't feel as if you did, but you just wanted to be sure. 

"No," she quickly assured, bringing a glass of water to you. "I love you, Y/N, so I won't do anything to hurt you majorly." She sat down next to you on the bed, moving the glass to your lips. "Drink," she ordered before tipping the cup, forcing you to take a sip. The flavor of the water was not right, the metallic taste left in your tongue after you swallowed it made you cough. 

She offered you a big, kind smile as she placed the glass onto the nightstand. It was as if she was doing nothing wrong, like keeping you tied to a bed in the middle of some room was just another day of the week. Terror is the only thing preventing you from screaming. She had the upper hand here and you didn't know what she'd do with it if you misbehaved. 

You watched as she placed the glass onto the nightstand and turned back to look at you, her fingers delicately swiping your forehead and it took every power within you not to pull away from her. 

"What are you doing?" you asked gently, watching as her lips were pursed together in thought, a soft humming coming from the back of her throat. Her eyes were kind, like she was true to her word and she wouldn't do anything to hurt you, yet you were scared. "Why am I-"

"Shh," she whispered, moving her hand down your face to place a finger against your lips. You were instantly quiet, trying not to let the fear you're feeling show on your face. "I'm going to make you forget." Forget? Forget what?

But you didn't ask. Even when she removed her finger from your lips, standing up off the bed and making her way towards the closet door. She pulled open the bi-fold, blindly reaching in there and your face contorted to pure horror when she pulled Natasha out.

She was still in the same clothes she wore last night, her black, thin strapped tank top and her black shorts. Sweat covered her face, telling you she must've been in that small, hot room for a while. She was silenced by a rag cutting into her mouth, her hands tied behind her back, and blood stained her clothes. You tugged against your restraints as Maria forced Natasha onto her knees, her head barely able to stay upright. Your instinct to make sure Natasha's okay was strong.

"What did you do?"

"What did I do?" Maria rolled her eyes, a daze Natasha obedient at her feet. "I warned you, Y/N. I warned you, but you didn't believe me! And now you're heartbroken because this bitch cheated on you!"

You stared, wide eyed, at Natasha. She seemed so exhausted, like she had just given up. And it killed you to see that. "It's fine," you quickly assured. "I forgive you, Nat. I still love you."

You flinched when Maria banged a fist against the wall, your eyes flashing to her to see the anger on her face. "That's not why we're here, Y/N," she declared. She was struggling to keep her voice even, calm. She clearly didn't want to scare you but it wasn't working. 

"It'll always be Nat," you stated and immediately regretted saying it.

Maria released her hold on the weak Natasha, whipping the back of her hand across your face and you screamed as she fell over, limp. Maria wiped her mouth with the same hand she used to smack Natasha as she stepped towards you. "It's time for you to move on, Y/N." She held her arms out, smiling widely at you, a tense smile. "I have done everything to be the one you need. I will show you the love that she could never show you, the loyalty that she doesn't have! You're mine to love!"

You gripped onto the iron bars of the headboard to prevent the ropes from destroying the skin around your wrists even more, one of your hands pulling away when you felt a sharp pain jolt through your nerves. It seemed like one of the iron bars was deformed, split in the back to create a knife-like edge and an idea started forming in the back of your mind.

Maria sighed, clearly irritated with your silence. "You're going to feel the same," Maria promised. "It's her you want, isn't it?" She scoffed pathetically as she forced Natasha back onto her knees, drawing out a knife from her back. She gripped Natasha's hair roughly, pulling back to make her look up as she placed the tip of the blade against Natasha's jaw, a dribble of blood running down where the knife was digging into. "Why did you even think you love her? Is it her looks? I took her hair, I can take her face."

"No, wait!" Maria froze at your words, her head snapping towards you. Natasha made eye contact with you as you sucked in a shaky breath and released it. "You're right, Maria. I… I love you."

"You're lying," she sneered.

You quickly shook your head. "No, no. I'm not." You swallowed a mouthful of saliva, nervous. If you got this wrong, there's no telling what she'd do. "Ever since… Ever since I laid eyes on you on your very first day, in the lobby, I was in love with you. But I was a fool because I thought I was in love with Nat, so I didn't act on the feelings."

Maria released Natasha, the blade withdrawing from her face and you felt relieved. She gripped the knife tightly in her hand as she looked at you, pondering your words. The only thing she wanted was to believe them. She knew the feelings were there, that you loved her as much as she loved you, she just had to force them out of you.

"But there's no reason for you to hurt Nat," you continued, her eyes narrowing at your new words. You licked your lips. "Nobody deserves to die, Maria. You and I, we could just leave her here. We can walk out those doors together and never look back."

"Say it," Maria demanded, pointing the tip of the blade at Natasha again. "I want to hear you say it to her."

You looked at Natasha, your face stoic. "I don't love you, Nat." It pained you to say it, your stomach twisting at the look in her eye. You cleared your throat, and said it again. "I never loved you. I… I love Maria."

Maria breathed out in relief, satisfied that everything was coming together as planned. She should've figured that you wouldn't want her to kill Natasha despite what she has done because of your big heart. She tucked her knife away, Natasha's posture relaxing a bit next to her. She was happy, excited to have your love. The thing she had spent the last two months yearning. She sighed, heavenly, as she clasped her hands together.

"Where do you want to go?" she questioned. "We have the entire world at our fingertips, baby."

She crossed the room and lay down next to you on the bed, leaning down to plant a kiss on your lips, one you had to make yourself to kiss back. It was just like the one in the maintenance closet, rough, forced. It wasn't intimate, but she didn't feel that. She felt like she was in heaven, the warmth of your touch spreading through her skin like a wildfire. And she was ecstatic to know that she could do this any time she wants to now.

She pulled away from you, her eyes still closed and her heart just losing itself in her chest. Her lips formed a big smile on her face as she slowly opened her eyes, looking at you with love, affection, and a bit of a darkness in there that kind of scared you, but you maintained your face.

"I have something for you," she whispered. "I was going to wait until we left this place, but I just can't wait any longer. Stay here." She booped you on the nose before rolling out of the bed, stepping around Natasha's weak form to leave the room. The second the door closed, you slid the rope against the sharp piece of iron, sawing at it.

Natasha was having trouble staying up, her eyes closing for a long moment before she snapped them open. You wanted to tell her that it's going to be okay, that the words you had said weren't at all true, but you didn't want to risk Maria hearing you.

You felt the rope snap underneath you just as Maria entered the room, your hand stilling as if the rope were still intact. You watched as she held up a small box towards you, making her way to you. Her laugh sent chills up and down your spine and not in a good way, sitting on the bed next to you once again and presented you with the small box, a ring box.

She pulled it open and your mouth parted open slightly at the ring sitting inside the velvet cushion, an engagement ring. "This was what Natasha was doing on that day of her unfortunate accident." She was buying an engagement ring, something she couldn't tell you because proposals are always a surprise. "She was going to leave you and propose to her side piece! But I saved you, Y/N. I sabotaged her bike, I tried to help you sooner! But it's better late than never."

It was all clicking into place now. Even with Maria's contradicting words, you saw the truth. The vacation Natasha wanted to go on was where she was going to propose to you. And although she did have a plan in place, if you had won the bet, she would've made it work. Clint knew, that's why he was in such denial that Natasha was cheating on you. Oh, you're an idiot! She wasn't cheating on you! 

The ring box snapping shut pulled you out of your thoughts, back to the horrifying present. She tossed it over her shoulder, watching it bounce off the wall, losing it when it skittered across the floor. Maria leaned close to you, a bright smile on her face. "I love you, Y/N."

You stared at her, dazed. You had completely forgotten about your role, still thinking about Natasha's proposal. You didn't realize Maria was losing her smile even though you were looking right at her, clenching her fists tightly together.

"Say it back."

"I love you, too," you instantly said, the smile returning to her lips. You leaned towards her and, not being able to help herself, she met you halfway, her lips connecting to yours in a softer kiss than earlier, but it still twisted your stomach.

Her eyes were closed, using this opportunity to snake your free hand around her waist, under her shirt, and you gripped the handle of the knife tucked in her waistband. The next few moments seemed to happen in slow motion, knowing you had to react fast in order to do this.

You slid the knife out from behind her and drove the blade through her abdomen. She seemed to have known it was coming, feeling the moment the knife was sliding out of her pants and only having a moment to react, moving to the side when you stabbed her to prevent anything major inside of her from getting damaged. It didn't matter, you had injured her, slowed her down.

You pushed her away and she stumbled back, immediately focusing your attention on the hand that was still tied to the headboard. She groaned in pain as she slowly pulled the blade out of her, rushing to untie your restraint to be free. And you had just managed to undo the complicated knot before Maria came back to her senses.

You tried to climb out of the bed, but you felt a hand wrap around your ankle and pull you back to her, dragging you across the bed and flipping you into your back, pinning you to the mattress by laying over you, your hands trapped between your bodies as she held the bloody knife to your throat. You swallowed as she stared into your eyes, her bright blues wild, a fire in there that ignited the pain she was feeling, the anger and betrayal.

"I don't want to hurt you," she expressed through a locked jaw, pushing the blade against your throat. Not hard enough to pierce the skin, but hard enough to keep you from disobeying again. "Please, baby, don't make me hurt you." She ran her free hand across your forehead again.

You gritted your teeth, your hands squirming in between your bodies until you felt the warm, sticky liquid coat your skin, finding exactly where her fresh wound was by the feeling of the blood in your hands. You pushed up against her wound and she screamed out in pain, pushing herself away from you.

You quickly got to your feet, kicking her knees out when she bent down to coddle her wound. She fell to the ground, the knife dropping from her hand. The overexertion caused you to stumble forward, having to use the bed as support as you rounded it to make your way to Natasha. You ungagged her, your hands hovering over her face, wanting to touch her but not wanting to wipe Maria's blood on her.

"Are you okay?"

She breathed out when the rag was removed from her mouth, instantly relaxing under at your words as you moved behind her to untie her hands. The second her hands were free, she rested them on your cheeks. "I love you," she whispered, her hands not being able to stay still. "I would never-"

"I know," you interrupted softly, holding onto her wrists. "I'm so sorry I believed it. I should've known that you wouldn't do that to me." You helped each other stand to your feet, your head feeling warm and fuzzy now that Natasha was back in your arms.

She pulled you out of the way at the last moment, blocking the incoming attack from Maria sneaking up behind you. Natasha, although tired, still managed to block Maria's attempt to stab her, grabbing onto her wrist and pushing her armed hand away from her stomach. You stepped forward, the room seeming to grow into a hallway as you did, but you continued anyway, tracking Maria to the ground.

The knife flew from her hand, sliding under the bed as you landed on top of her. Your knee pushed into her abdomen.

"Nat, go," you pleaded through Maria's screams, but you felt her arms wrap around you, tugging you off the psycho.

"Not without you." She pulled you to your feet, assisting each other out of the bedroom and into what looked like to be a living room, though old age and vacancy made the apartment seem unlivable. 

You released Natasha as you stumbled ahead, your hands scrambling to unlock the front door upon reaching it and the wet blood on your hands wasn't making it any easier. You pulled open the door, turning around to reach for Natasha, but freezing when you saw two redheads instead of just the one. You blinked, still having that fuzzy feeling in your head. Were you seeing double?

It took you a moment to realize that no, you weren't seeing double and it was just Maria sneaking up on Natasha. It was definitely the knife raised in the air that made you realize.

"Nat!" The fear in your voice alerted Natasha instantly, spinning around in time to prevent Maria from stabbing the knife in her brain by catching her falling arm. The two redheads struggled as you staggered forward, your vision blurring the women together as they fought. 

Natasha managed to throw Maria over her shoulder, letting out a pained sigh as the perpetrator flew into the coffee table. You finally reached Natasha, grabbing onto her wrist and tugging her back to the door.

The door slammed shut behind you as you exited into the hall, looking both ways, trying to decide where to go.

"We need… We need to…" You breathed out as you almost fell forward. You would've fell to the ground if Natasha wasn't there to catch you, but how she managed to stay on her feet with her injuries was beyond you.

"Y/N?" 

You had thought you were feeling all warm and fuzzy inside because you had Natasha back, but that wasn't the case entirely. The metallic taste of that water Maria made you drink was still on your tongue. She had drugged you once again. Not to be unconscious, but to be obedient. You wondered how well that worked out for her.

"I'm fine," you said, your words slurring together. You held onto Natasha tightly, but when you heard the door start to open behind you, the two of you hurried down a random direction in the hall.

You managed to round the corner before she stepped out of the room.

"She's mine, Romanoff!" Maria's voice echoed through the abandoned building as the two of you hid around the corner, taking an extra breather.

"Come on," you whispered, shaking the blurry edges away from your vision as you looked at Natasha. "Nat."

She lifted her arm up to grab you, her tank top riding up a little to let you see a sliver of her skin, red covering her stomach. You were quick despite the drugs in your system, lifting up the shirt higher to get a view of a fresh wound. Maria must have gotten a good swing on Natasha during that fight.

"You're bleeding," you whispered.

She grabbed your wrist and tore it away from her shirt, letting it fall back down to cover her stomach. "We'll deal with it later," she said. "Let's go." 

You wrapped her arm around her neck and guided her down the hall, both of you stumbling and using the walls as an extra crutch. You were both tired, beaten. And you felt as if you would've just given up if Natasha wasn't here, giving you something to fight for. You could hear Maria calling out for you, her “love", from behind you. And when Natasha stumbled forward without you, she fell to the floor.

Maria was close on your heels, you knew that with how slow the two of you were walking, but when Natasha struggled to get back to her feet, you could hear her voice getting closer and closer as she continued to call out to you.

Natasha waved you off, not even having enough strength to tell you to leave her. Not like you would've done it anyway. And if you couldn't get her to her feet, you had to get her out of the open. The good thing about an abandoned apartment building is that none of the rooms would be locked, pushing open the nearest door and dragging Natasha's body through it.

The door softly closed shut by the time Maria rounded the corner.

You leaned Natasha against the wall beside the door, lifting her shirt once more to eye the knife wound. You had to stop the bleeding.

You looked up at her to see her eyes closed, using a hand to cup her face - getting blood on her was no longer a concern - and shaking her awake. "Keep your eyes opened, baby," you whispered, her green eyes melting into you when her eyes shot open. "Come on, Nat. Stay with me."

She tried to breathe in, faltering with pain, as she said, "I'm not… going anywhere." She sent you a small, weak smile, her eyes sliding close once more until the sound of Maria kicking open doors startled her awake. How did she know you had taken a moment to hide?

You took Natasha's hands and placed them above the wound, forcing her to push down to stop the bleeding. You covered her mouth quickly with your hand to stop her from screaming out. You knew she wasn't going to hold on for long, but it was giving her something to do for now so she wouldn't close her eyes.

You wobbled your way into the kitchen, using the counter as support as you pulled open drawers, searched through the cabinets, desperate to find something to help Natasha all while staying quiet. You whispered under your breath, begging to find anything that could stop her bleeding. You lost your balance, falling to your knees in front of the sink. You pulled open the cabinet in a last ditch effort, feeling a little bit of hope when you saw an old box of trash bags.

You grabbed them, returning to Natasha and ripping one out of the box. Her eyes opened when she felt your presence, moving her hands away and wrapping the trash bag around her, tightening it. It wasn't much, but at least it'd slow the bleeding.

You stood up, preparing to bring Natasha to her feet, but you were thrown back when the door was kicked in right in front of you. Pain shot through your shoulder, making you seethe as you quickly climbed back to your feet. You looked up in time to see Maria march into the room, making a beeline right for you. You tried lifting your arm, but the pain that jolted through your body prevented you from using it, leaving only one arm to fend with.

Maria was swinging her knife in large arches as she neared you, anger behind every swing. "I told you not to make me hurt you, Y/N," she said, her voice surprisingly disappointed for someone who seems so angry. “I don’t want to hurt you!”

She continued toward you, causing you to walk back to avoid getting hit by the blade she was swinging around. You tripped over something, the pain in your shoulder ripping through your body as you fell to the floor, the back of your head greeting it with a thud. You groaned in pain, unable to fight her off of you as she sat on your chest, your breath catching in your throat as she unintentionally put pressure against your shoulder.

"I can't believe you're making me do this to you," she said, sad. Her eyes were coated with unshed tears and you were having a hard time figuring out if they were sad or angry tears. "But you must learn your lesson. You have to know your place, Y/N."

She pulled down the collar of your shirt, pressing the blade against your collarbone. She looked upset as she dug the tip of the knife last your skin, causing you to wince. This was okay. As long as her attention wasn't on Natasha, this was okay. 

Blood dripped down your skin as she drew the knife across, leaving a long mark on your chest. It wouldn't leave a scar, it wasn't that deep, but in the moment, it felt like she was marking her territory.

"I'm doing this because I love you," she said soothingly. Your vision blacked out around the edges as she picked up the knife and moved to another location, drawing a second line into your skin. "I'm doing this because I want to protect you."

Tears silently rolled down your cheeks as she continued her torture, the pain in your shoulder and her pinning your arms to your sides left you unable to fight back. 

"I'm going to give you a mark for each time you denied your feelings for me." That's going to be a lot of marks. "But don't worry, baby," she said, lightly dragging the blade against your cheek as she shushed you softly, "I won't let them be permanent." She moved the knife back down to your chest, adding a third mark.

You were suddenly able to breathe, Maria being pulled off of you when a trash bag was wrapped around her throat, yanking her back. You fell into a coughing fit, fighting against the pain so you could see Maria tangled in Natasha's legs, pulling the trash bag around her throat as tight as she possibly could. You fell forward when you started walking, using your hands to catch yourself. You made your way to the women, catching Maria's hand in time to prevent her from stabbing Natasha with the knife. You pried the weapon from her hand.

"You might… as well kill… me," she struggled to say through her choking. Natasha eased the strangulation, her legs holding her tightly prisoner. Maria desperately caught her breath, her pink face returning to normal color. "I'm never going to stop until I get you, Y/N," she promised.

You pointed the blade at her as Natasha unwrapped her legs. "Get up," you ordered, but she continued to lay there.

Maria smiled at you. "That drug still in your system?"

You ignored her, Natasha climbing to her own feet and forcing Maria to stand. You blinked, but it seemed like forever for your eyes to reopen. You sighed as Natasha searched her pockets, pulling out a cellphone. 

In the moment it took her to pick up the trash bag intended to be used as restraints, Maria ran forward. You didn't have time to react as she ran at you, the knife plunging deep into her stomach when she made it to you.

Her blue eyes slowly dimmed, a smile crossing her features to reveal the blood-stained teeth, a drop of blood falling out of her mouth and down her chin. Your eyebrows pinched together in confusion, your hand leaving the blade of the knife as she leaned forward. "Why?" She didn't have to die.

"I told… you," she breathed, her inhales raspy. "You might as… well kill me. Years without... you is like… death anyway."

She fell to her knees, a smile still on her face as you stumbled back, falling to the ground as she fell forward. The light faded from her eyes, tears streaming down your face. Natasha fell down on her way to you, reaching out to you, but the smile Maria was sending you, even in death, would forever haunt your nightmares.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━⧗━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

17 days after training

The sun hit your skin, warmth flooding through you as the pelicans squawked somewhere in the skies above you. The waves crashed down, people around you enjoying themselves - children making sandcastles, parents too busy taking pictures of the ocean to focus on their spawns, surfers trying to hit the gnarly waves - but the only person that mattered to you, in this moment, just joined you on the blanket.

She planted a kiss on your cheek as she handed you a bottle of water, but you turned your face so you could catch her lips in a kiss, her smile breaking it. She grabbed onto your left hand, bringing it up so she could marvel at the ring resting on your ring finger. You laughed, tugging your hand away from her so you could open your water.

"Why do you keep looking at it, Nat?" you questioned, grinning as you shook your head. 

"Because you said yes and it feels like a dream." You laughed again as she crawled to you, locking in another kiss and only pulling a part when you heard a couple children express their disgust at your PDA, causing the two of you to laugh.

The remainder of your recruits graduated training seventeen days ago. Clint came in last, even with both of his recruits, and you had to confess your little lie you had fed his recruits. When he tried to get you disqualified, you used John's information against him and called him out for sabotaging you for years. Natasha came in first, but only because you told John to let Griggs win. You wanted to go on her vacation, see what she had planned.

She proposed a couple nights ago, right in front of the Eiffel Tower, and the two of you enjoyed the engagement phase by spending the nights in between in your hotel room together, tangled limbs in bed. Now, you had decided to greet the outside world once again and enjoy a day on the beach.

After the Maria incident, which took place over a month ago, you took yourself off as a trainer. John Nolan will be your last ever trainee in your SHIELD career. You were strictly sticking to operations. And Natasha grew her hair out, went as far to dye it blonde. You told her she didn't have to, but you were secretly relieved when she came out of the bathroom one day with long, blonde hair over her short, red hair, which is forever ruined thanks to Maria. She couldn't stand looking at herself in the mirror with her old hairdo, not being able to see anybody but Maria.

You still get nightmares about it, though not as much. So does Natasha. Sometimes, you even wake up screaming, but it didn't matter because she was always there when it got bad. Just like you were always there for her. It was hard to get that smiling face out of your head, and you would have gone absolutely nuts if Natasha wasn't here to share the pain with you. She was patient, walking with you every step of the way to recovery. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“What’re you thinking about?” Her voice pulled you out of her thoughts, slowly blinking as you refocused on her face. A small smile rested on her lips, but the look in her eyes told you that she had some sort of idea what was playing on your mind right now. Like a broken record. It was hard not to think about it, the traumatizing moment. You had almost died, she had almost died. You don’t know what you would’ve done if she had died, the doctors at the time didn’t even know how she managed to stay alive after everything was all said and done. She was a fighter and she has the scars to prove it.

“I was just thinking,” you started, pulling her against you and laying down on the blanket, melting into the sand, “about what to get for lunch.”

She rested her head against your shoulder as you held her, staring up into the sky as your fingers played with her blonde strands of hair, your muscles relaxing underneath her weight. She sighed peacefully, content. The love between the two of you is stronger and indestructible. Impenetrable. And you had made a mental promise to yourself that when Natasha says someone has a crush on you, no matter how small, that you were going to steer clear from them. Because you were hers to love, just as much as she was yours.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha #natasha x reader #Romanoff #romanoff x reader #Black Widow #black widow x reader #clint barton #hawkeye

[holymultiplefandomsbatman]

Running From The Truth || Young Noah Imagine

Young Noah x Reader

Summary: You are important to Noah. Noah is important to you. But because you care about him, you deny your own feelings for him, even though everyone can see very clearly that you love each other. (Especially Jonas. And he won’t shut up about it.)

Words: 3.6k

Warnings: fluff, a tiny bit of angst, mentions of being physically able to do something (twice), kissing

Requested by: @langdonsluxiouslocks

Request: Okay so, I loved the one u just wrote, really really sweet 🥺💗

When you have the time (again, no pressure) could u write another one? Also fem!reader x young Noah but this time like how they started dating? Maybe Noah being uncharacteristically romantic to try and impress reader but she was kind on the fence about dating? Something sweet cause I just loooooove young Noah and I need more of these.

Thank you so much lovely ❤️

Ok so, I literally wrote this while procrastinating an assignment. Idk how it happened but I wrote this whole thing down pretty much in one go, oops. But idk, it just kinda happened (and I was in my feelings). And when it came to the Noah-Jonas friendship, I stand by the opinion that we were robbed of more content, and any chance I get, I will write about them because I love them. I hope you like it! :)

My inbox is open if you wanna read more Dark stuff. Just drop in some ideas! :)

Also @bowieandqueen11​ because I feel like you might like this. Appreciation for our boy!

It started about a month ago. That was all you could say about it, really. About a month ago, life had become really, really weird.

You didn’t like the change that much. A month ago, Noah had started… Well, flirting was probably the most accurate word.

Noah had started flirting with you.

At the beginning, you’d been able to laugh it off, but now, it was becoming more and more difficult to deal with.

You liked Noah, you really did. He was your best friend - one of your only friends in the ranks of Sic Mundus. You might have even developed a crush on him. But you had only admitted that to yourself so far, in the safety of your room where nobody else could hear you.

Which was why this new development threw you off so much.

You were used to Noah being affectionate towards you. That included hugs for greetings and goodbyes, kind words to cheer you up, and many other things.

Recently, however, these affections had become more intense, and you couldn’t keep telling yourself anymore that Noah was doing these things just because. That he wasn’t interested in you.

No matter how much you tried to deny it, it seemed like it was obvious that you cared about Noah differently than as a friend. Other travelers had started commenting on it, in a joking manner at first. But soon, that shifted to shock about how the two of you weren’t actually together.

That was almost worse. The shocked reactions made your hopes a possibility, made them seem realistic instead of just childish dreams. And no matter how much you tried to tell yourself that you were imagining things, it started happening more and more that people commented on your friendship with Noah.

It had led you to become doubtful.

It wasn’t like you disliked Noah. He was your friend - best friend - and due to your crush on him, you would’ve loved it if people were right and he was actually interested in you.

Unfortunately, your past relationships hadn’t worked out well, platonic or romantic, and one of the reasons you’d joined Sic Mundus was to get away from those past experiences and have a fresh start. You’d been happy in the ranks of Sic Mundus. You finally had a task to complete, you’d discovered a sense of purpose. You mattered. Sic Mundus had given your existence meaning.

And then in strolled Noah with his stupid lopsided smirk and his kind words, and managed to throw your whole world upside down in the blink of an eye.

In the beginning, you hated him for it, for the control he had over you just by looking at you, how his smile could brighten even your darkest days.

Then, that hate had subsided as you became friends, and it had morphed into a caring softness for Noah – your best friend.

And now… You weren’t quite sure how you felt about him now.

“Hey, Y/n!”

You turned your eyes towards the sky, trying not to groan in agony as you heard Noah’s voice. The universe seemed hell-bent on torturing you recently, didn’t it?

“Y/n!”

Noah’s steps echoed behind you as you lifted the heavy basket in your arms, letting out a huff as you did so. You prayed it wouldn’t fall. Because if it did, Noah would act all helpful and would try to carry it for you, because he was just kind like that. You weren’t ready for that right now, not with the underlying yearning you’d felt towards him recently.

The basket slipped from your hands.

You let out an explicit curse and hurried to pick up the logs that had fallen onto the grass.

You weren’t fast enough.

“Hey, Y/n! Need some help?”

You didn’t even get the chance to say no before Noah bent down to collect the fallen logs. He didn’t put them back into the basket, instead even taking some more logs out and piling them up in his arms. He shot you a smirk and you almost dropped the basket again after just having picked it back up.

You bit back a playful insult. You just couldn’t stay mad at him, it was impossible.

Even though you were perfectly capable of carrying those logs yourself, thank you very much.

Noah just started talking while the two of you walked back towards the houses, as if he wasn’t carrying half of what you’d barely managed to drag behind yourself earlier. He told you about something stupid Jonas had said, the story leading him to laugh so hard that he almost dropped the logs.

You just shook your head, smiling to yourself. Noah was just an idiot sometimes, but he was your idiot, your friend, your stupid person that mattered so much to you.

Your walking speed slowed down over time, since, even though Noah was doing a lot of hard work in the mines, the logs were heavy and did impact him quite a bit. You offered to take them from him again, to maybe carry the basket together, but stubborn as he was, he refused.

This idiot. Your idiot.

At least you wanted him to be.

You bit back an annoyed sound, unsure of what that sound would have even ended up being. A huff of air maybe? A heavy sigh? A growl under your breath? You didn’t know, and ultimately, it didn’t matter anyway.

“You know,” Noah told you in his usual, casual voice, “they’re having this festival in town next week. We should go. I’ll take you with me, you need some time away from here!”

You couldn’t help the frown that spread over your face. “A festival?”

Noah paused, looking at you with what was probably a mix of surprise and disbelief. “You haven’t heard? Everyone is talking about it, even the people from Sic Mundus!”

Your frown deepened. Why would anyone tell you about the festival? Noah was literally your only friend at Sic Mundus, after all, so why would anyone even talk to you, period?

You weren’t like Noah, who had at least found friends in Jonas and Elisabeth. He was rather quick to make friends - or rather, casual companions. If they stayed long enough, they had the potential to become friends with him. Noah was just mistrusting of people sometimes, and it often took a long time for someone to prove themself to him.

How you had ended up gaining his favor and his friendship was truly a mystery to you.

“Come on, Y/n! Come with me to the festival, please. Some time away from here could really help you relax for once, and it would just be one evening anyway. Please?”

You rolled your eyes, not wanting to look at Noah because you were sure he was giving you that look again, the look with the big doe eyes that you could never resist. Eventually, he’d always get what he wanted from you, and he knew it damn well.

“Okay, fine! I’ll go with you, damn it!”

Noah jumped happily into the air, causing all the logs in his arms to fall right onto his feet. He let out a few curse words, his voice high pitched from the pain. But even that couldn’t erase the happy smile on his face.

Noah had spent every moment he could in front of his mirror for days before asking you, practicing facial expressions. He’d wanted the question to sound casual when he asked you to come to the festival with him, as if it were just two friends going to hang out to have a good time.

Because that was what you were, after all. Friends.

Noah hated it. He’d always felt a different kind of affection for you, one that had never been purely platonic. It wasn’t how friends were supposed to think about one another, not that there was anything that was supposedly just platonic that romantic partners weren’t allowed to think about, or the other way around.

Wait.

Had he really just referred to you as a romantic partner?

Noah buried his face in his hands and muttered a curse. He really was hopelessly taken with you, wasn’t he? Jonas had been right. Damn him and his smart words and the fact that he could read emotions so well. That he could read Noah so well.

Damn Jonas and the knowing smile he always shot into Noah’s direction every time he offered to help you with something. Damn the ways Jonas could call him out so easily whenever Noah denied having ever done anything for you that could be considered romantic.

Damn him.

It was as if Jonas had a whole list in his head of romantic occasions regarding you, that he could read aloud to Noah at a moment’s notice. And the bastard kept that damn thing up-to-date, too.

“So, you asked Y/n on a date, I hear?”

Case in point, once again.

Noah wanted to bury his face in his hands but he decided not to, not wanting to give his friend more ammunition. He looked up at Jonas who was just strolling into his room as if he owned the place.

Well, technically, he did.

“Yes,” Noah mumbled, not even bothering to argue that Jonas had called it a date. There was no use in starting an argument he wouldn’t win, anyway.

Jonas grinned at him as if he knew there was something Noah wasn’t telling him.

Damn him, again!

“And…? What did Y/n say?”

Jonas was now legitimately grinning, just that stupid teasing smile without any hidden agenda or any secrets, just amusement.

Noah rolled his eyes and turned back towards his mirror, looking himself over once again. He’d spent way more time than usual trying to pick out an outfit today - even though he’d vehemently deny it, should anyone ask.

“You know what Y/n said, otherwise you wouldn’t be here bugging me about it!”

Jonas just smiled sheepishly in response, as if he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Noah really wanted to be annoyed with him, but as much as he tried, he couldn’t do it. So, he just reached out and shoved Jonas’ shoulder with a huff and a small smile.

Jonas raised his hands, now grinning even wider. Noah hadn’t seen that carefree look on his friend’s face in a while, and it really suited him. He had to smile as well, just glad to see his friend so happy.

Even though he was being a royal pain in the ass.

Noah turned back to the mirror, pushing an invisible strand of hair to the side. Tonight, everything had to be perfect, and that included his look. Finding the right outfit had taken forever, and then even longer to clean it and get the stains out of it. Leftovers from his work underground, where he was building the damn tunnel for Sic Mundus.

“Are you done staring at yourself in the mirror?”

Noah’s head shot around so quickly that he felt dizzy afterwards. Jonas was still grinning, and no matter how happy he was that his friend was smiling for once, he would end up hitting him again if he kept this up.

“You’re lucky I don’t have anything to throw at you right now.”

Jonas only raised an eyebrow, his grin slightly lopsided now, having almost fully reached teasing territory.

“I mean… you have your shirt.”

Noah paused for a moment, slightly caught off guard by the comment. Then, he shot his friend a grin that was a mixture of amused and threatening.

“If I hadn’t picked this out especially for tonight, then I would, trust me. I’d strangle you with it, too, just to shut you up!”

Jonas just laughed, not fazed by the words at all, even though he should know that Noah would make that threat reality if he pushed him too far. Friends or not, he would end up getting a mouthful of fabric.

“You wouldn’t dare.,” Jonas just commented, still grinning, “That outfit took you ages to find, didn’t it? You wouldn’t risk getting wrinkles into it, not tonight!”

A second later, Noah had him in a headlock that squeezed the breath out of him with ease. Jonas gasped for air, hitting his friend’s arm to show he was surrendering.

Noah held him like that for a second longer before he released him. He turned back towards the mirror to check his hair once again.

Jonas coughed, attempting to get the air back into his lungs.

“That’s not the move you should pull tonight to make Y/n breathless,” he commented, his voice sounding strained.

Noah’s eyes widened. He caught Jonas’ gaze in the mirror, seeing how he was smiling while still struggling to breathe. Noah slowly turned around, his eyes narrowing at his friend.

“You never know when to shut up, do you?”

Jonas just let out a yelp before he started running, with Noah right at his heels.

You walked another round through your room, your shaking fingers wiping invisible wrinkles out of your clothes. You knew you were just nervous, and yet it was as if you’d combust once you stopped walking. You needed to get rid of the restlessness somehow.

A knock on the door had you almost jumping out of your skin. You hurried over to open it, your heart in your throat.

It was just Jonas, who smiled at you with a kind expression.

“I shouldn’t tell you this, but I know you’re nervous, so I’ll do it anyway. Noah’s on his way, don’t worry. He’s spent the last ten minutes in front of the mirror because he’s scared and he wants to impress you.”

You blinked at him, shocked by his words. You’d never really been acquainted with Jonas before, you just knew he was friends with Noah. But after this, maybe that would have to change. You’d really underestimated how kind Jonas was.

“Thank you, I… I don’t really know what to say. But thank you.”

You shot Jonas a quick smile, hoping it came across as genuinely as you meant it.

Jonas smiled back. He carefully touched your shoulder for a moment, having waited for you to nod your agreement before he did so.

“Noah really likes you, Y/n. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

Steps echoed through the hall, and Jonas quickly waved at you before he ran for the hills, making sure Noah wouldn’t catch him with you. You grinned to yourself as you carefully shut the door behind him, making sure the sound wasn’t too loud.

A few minutes later, there was another knock at your door, this time a lot softer and more careful than Jonas had been before. You smiled to yourself, butterflies erupting in your stomach as you opened the door again.

After what Jonas had said about his friend spending a lot of time in front of the mirror, you’d had some expectations for how he was going to look.

Noah surpassed those expectations tenfold.

He was wearing one of his favorite shirts - which you knew simply because it was one of your favorite shirts to steal from him and he had complained about it once. The color matched his eyes perfectly, and you wondered if they were truly shining so brightly or if it was just your imagination.

With the shirt, Noah was wearing a pair of black pants, rather simple, but you always told him he didn’t have to one-up himself all the time. Noah being himself was what you wanted, since you liked him just the way he was.

Apparently, Noah had listened to you for once.

He was smiling at you, a soft expression that made you weak in the knees.

“You look amazing,” Noah told you, his voice soft and so low that you’d almost missed it. It had been barely above a whisper, after all.

You smiled, spinning around yourself once just to show off your outfit. “Thank you! So do you!”

Noah did a spin as well, making you laugh. But he smiled warmly at you when he stood still again, offering you his arm.

“Thank you. Shall we?”

You just closed the door behind you and nodded.

“We shall.”

The festival was a lot more fun than you’d expected. Given your company, it shouldn’t have surprised you, but it kind of did. Being in Noah’s presence just made everything better, no matter what it was, and the festival was no exception.

Tonight, however, Noah seemed to be extra focused on making the evening a fun experience for you. He bought you some candy, for you to happily munch on as you walked, and he even accepted a piece when you offered, stealing the candy from your fingers so fast that you barely felt the touch of his mouth against your skin.

Barely.

Noah also appeared to be hellbent on winning you a prize from one of the arcade counters. No matter how many times you told him you didn’t need one and that you could get yourself a prize on your own, a plushie or whatever object it was - which was true and he knew it - Noah just didn’t let up. It wasn’t until he actually managed to get you a plushie that he stopped trying.

You just shook your head at him, hugging the plushie against your chest. It was nothing special, just a little donkey with button eyes, but you knew you’d treasure it forever.

“Thank you,” you said, only a little grumpy.

Noah smiled at you brightly, and really, how were you supposed to be mad at him when he looked at you like that? How??

“You’re welcome.”

He offered you his arm again, leading you further along across the town square where the festival was stationed at. Your eyes kept wandering over the lights, the sound of people talking echoing in your ears.

You felt someone looking at you, and when you checked, you caught Noah staring. Usually, he’d look away in these situations, but this time he held your gaze, kept looking at you without saying a word.

You slowed your step until you were standing in the middle of the market, your head tilting to the side in a question.

“What is it? Why are you staring at me like that?”

Noah shrugged, a bashful smile spreading over his face. You would have missed it if you hadn’t been looking at him.

Noah stayed silent for a moment longer, just smiling at you, before he finally answered the question that made your heart race in your chest.

“You’re just beautiful, that’s all.”

To be fair, his response did nothing to slow down your heartbeat.

Your mouth opened and closed slowly, no sound leaving your lips. You could feel heat rising to your face as you just stared at Noah, his words having truly stunned you into silence.

Noah slightly nudged you with his elbow, his smile slowly slipping. Worry snuck into his adorable expression, and you hated that he was becoming anxious. You never wanted that, especially not because of you. You wanted him to be happy, always.

“Y/n?”

Even Noah’s voice was shaking as he said your name. A small, nervous smile appeared on his face, but it fell again just as quickly as it had appeared, barely a twitch of his lips.

Your heart was still racing, heavily thundering against your ribcage. This was it, something inside you decided, the moment to find out if you were alone with your feelings for him or if Noah felt the same way.

“Do you mean that? That I’m beautiful?”

Your voice was shaking in your ears, just a little bit. You hoped Noah didn’t notice it.

“Yes.” There was no hesitancy to his answer, no doubt in his words. Noah answered quickly and truthfully, and it had your head spinning.

At that moment, you decided. You said Screw it! with your whole chest, bidding your past experiences goodbye. They didn’t matter anymore.

But Noah? Noah mattered, more than anything.

You took a few steps to close the space between the two of you, before leaning forward and kissing Noah on the lips. He froze against you for a second, before literally scrambling to wrap you up in his arms and return your kiss. You had to grin against his lips, and you could feel him smile as well, pulling you even closer against his body and softly tilting your head with his fingertips.

The sounds became background noise, even the screaming of the stallholders or the loud crying of a baby nearby. None of them mattered.

Noah easily overtook your senses. All that you could feel, smell, breathe was him. His lips were soft against your own, and the pure love in his kiss took your breath away until your head was spinning.

You eventually had to pull back to breathe, Noah still holding you in his arms. No matter how much you wanted to kiss him again, you couldn’t, not without risking that you might actually faint. Instead, you let your head fall forward until it rested against his shoulder.

Noah grew very still in your arms, but only for a moment. After a second of surprise, he wrapped his own arms even tighter around you, holding you against him in the softest hug you’d ever experienced in your life.

And right there, in that moment, it felt natural to finally admit it, to whisper the words into Noah’s ear.

“I love you.”

Noah looked at you with a smile, so soft and bright it melted you, before he pecked your cheek.

“I love you too, Y/n.”

There was no more running anymore now, for either of you. You’d reached your destination in each other’s arms.

More of my stuff

Fandoms I write for

#young noah x reader #young noah imagine #dark netflix #netflix's dark #netflix dark #hanno tauber #hanno tauber x reader #young noah dark #jonas kahnwald #mywriting🧡

[nojey]

fans

dream x streamer!reader

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 2.4k

warning(s): cursing, failed relationship, throwing things out of anger

synopsis: (y/n) and dream met through a mutual friend and their own friendship begins to blossom on its own. they start talking more and more and the feelings they have for one another grows so much more than either of them imagined. but as they stream together, they realize how much hate they’ve started to get and rethink whether or not they should be together or not.

looking back on it, meeting dream was one of the best days of your life. that day, your friend, sapnap, had introduced you to one of his friends and from that day forward, a beautiful relationship bloomed. not a single one of either of your viewers knew you two had become friends and it was nice; keeping something to yourself from a whole community that knew almost everything about you. you both went from talking every once in a while, to every week, to every other day, to almost all day, everyday. you grew to know pretty much everything about each other, where he grew up, how his childhood was like, everything from his favorite color to what he feared the most. and as you got to know him more, your feelings for him just grew so much more than you had ever imagined. and you hoped he felt the same way about you.

when he asked you if you wanted to facetime, you were shocked. you guys were only ever either in a discord call, regular call, or texting. granted it had been about 7 months since you both became friends, but you didn’t need to know what he looks like. you like him for the person he is, how caring and attentive he is to his friends, how witty his personality is and how cocky and confident he is. you like him for the passion he has in his heart for the people and things he loves. you never had to see his face to know these things about him. but because you knew this was a big step in your friendship, you accepted. him even asking you to facetime meant so much to you. 

he called you with his phone facing the ceiling and you had propped up yours so your upper body was on full display. “clay, you know you don’t have to show me your face? if you’re not ready to, you don’t have to.” you told him. “i’m more than ready to show you what i look like, (y/n). you’re an important person in my life and i want to show you.” he replied. “okay.. if you’re really sure. i just hope you know that whatever you look like, it will not change my opinion of you.” you assured him. “i know, (y/n).” he chuckled. “which is how i know i’m ready to show you.” you smiled. your heart warmed knowing that he trusts you this much. “whenever you’re ready, clay.” you said. “close your eyes,” he said. you did what he asked of you and you heard shuffling. he let out a breath, grabbed his phone and propped it up so you could see his face. 

“you can open your eyes now.” he said. you slowly opened your eyes and your breath got caught in your throat as you fully saw him. “wow..” you whispered, still examining his face. “you’re really pretty, clay.” he started blushing and said, “stop staring, you’re just going to fall in love with me.” laughing a bit. you started blushing too and looked away. both your reasons for blushing may have been different, but you knew you were blushing because what he said was true. 

for the rest of the night you both stayed up until 3am talking about anything and everything, getting to know each other more than you already did.

the day you both streamed together was about 4 months later. the internet went crazy. your viewers and his had absolutely no idea you two had known each other but they saw the way you two talked to each other; they knew you sounded like you were talking to your soulmate. you didn’t have to watch what you said, you laughed out to your hearts content, you both teased each other in such a flirtatious manner that it didn’t take them long to start thinking you guys were in a relationship. 

but with the people who supported you, there were twice as many people who hated the idea of you two together. at first it was bearable, neither of you cared about the hate because you were happy with where you both were with each other. clay was confident that you felt the same way about him that he had for you. he fell in love with you and you knew you had fallen in love with him too. 

a few weeks after your first stream together, he asked you if you wanted to fly to florida to meet him in person and you immediately said yes. you started packing your bags and by next week, you were on your way to meet the guy of your dreams. 

when you landed, he was already there waiting for you and when you got to baggage claim you saw him and immediately recognized him. you ran up to him and gave him the tightest hug ever; you were finally in his arms. the height difference was evident and he had to lean down a bit to hug you but he felt so content with you being there, in his arms. 

“you’re really here..” he whispered. “i’m here, clay. i’m here.” you assured. tears started slowly falling down your face and you buried your face deeper into his chest, taking in the warmth that was filling you. clay started crying too, thinking how lucky he was to be able to hold you close to him.

the day after you flew in was the one year mark of you two becoming friends so you went out to celebrate. throughout the day you guys reminisced back to the nights you both stayed up till the sun rose just talking and created new memories as you adventured through orlando. when it was around 3pm clay drove you to the beach to witness the sunset and you arrived just when the sun was kissing the water. you looked around the beach and saw no one but a beautiful set up with roses on the sand. you looked at clay with a surprised expression, he smiled, took your hand and lead you to where the roses laid. he brought you to stand in the middle of it and took both your hands in his,

“(y/n), when sapnap introduced us i never knew you would be such an important person in my life and i couldn’t be more grateful for you. you have helped me through my darkest times, celebrated with me in my happiest, been patient with me when i was being insufferable, stood by me during the most boring days and acted like you were having a blast when it was only just us talking. you’ve shown me that i can let myself be who i am without caring what any other person had to say about me. there’s so many words that i can’t put together right now because that’s how you make me feel. you make me feel so nervous when i’m around you and all the words in my head just get mixed up and i never know what to say. but i do know that right now, i’m trying to ask you on a date. so (y/n), will you go on a date with me?” by the time he was done with his speech you were close to tears. “of course i’ll go on a date with you clay.”

the night of your date had been the most magical night of your life. in the day you both went to disneyworld and at night he brought you to a hill top to, once again, watch the sunset while you both ate dinner on the hood of the rental car he got. everything was so perfect, it was the best date you’ve ever went on. 

he was an absolute gentleman, not letting you pay for your things, opening the door for you, pulling you closer to him when someone got too close to you, treating you like you were a princess and you couldn’t have asked for a better guy to be with. 

after you both finished your dinner you just laid down on the hood of the car and stared at the stars, talking about a future you wish had come true. that night you shared a kiss that would be remembered through the horrid months to come.

the day you left orlando, you didn’t think it would be the last time you ever saw clay in person. when you got home you talked like normal, already speaking about a second date the next time either you or he visited. you both missed each other like crazy and you believed you would see each other very soon.

you streamed together more often and no one was blind to the smitten words you both shared, to the adoration dripping in your voices. so many people hated it and you never understood why, was it because they thought you weren’t good enough for him? because they were so protective over him? did they just hate you? so many questions filled your mind when your phone ringing brought you out of it. you reached for your phone and saw that clay wanted to facetime. you answered with a smile on your face, “hi clay!” but it soon dropped when you saw the solemn look that fell upon his. “is everything okay?” you asked. he sighed and said, “we need to talk.”

and everything fell apart.

the next words that came out of his mouth broke your heart. “i don’t think we should continue dating, or maybe even being friends.” you could feel the tears pricking your eyes as you looked around your room, trying to understand why this would come up all the sudden. “what do you mean?” you asked, slightly laughing hoping he was playing some sick joke on you. but when you kept looking at his serious face, you understood he wasn’t and your tears finally fell. he looked at you and his eyes glossed over. 

it hurt him knowing he was hurting you; the most important person in his life, the person he believed he would get married to and grow old with, the person he stayed up, losing sleep for just to get to know because you were worth that and a million more. 

“i know you see all the hate we’re getting. and that’s only us streaming together. what happens when they find out we went on a date or if we do start dating, what would the fans say?” he said, no longer looking at you through his screen. “why do you care about what they’ll say about us?” you whispered. “look at me, please.” he slowly looked back at the screen to see your face full of tears and that’s what finally broke him.

“our fans. they hate seeing us together, we can’t disappoint them. we can’t dissatisfy them. i know your fans mean the world to you and mine mean the world to me too.” he said, wiping his tears away, wishing he could just wipe yours, kiss your cheek and tell you everything would be okay. “but we can make it work, we won’t stream together as much or at all anymore. we can be like how we were before they knew we were friends! we can make it work clay..” you said. he started getting frustrated, just wanting this to be over with so he didn’t have to see you so hurt anymore.

“i can’t keep going on with my fans hating the relationship i’m in (y/n)! i can’t keep seeing my fans hate you because of me! i can’t keep making my fans mad at me because i have a stupid little crush on you!” he raised his voice. the last sentence hurting you more than anything. and he saw that in your facial expression, immediately regretting it. 

“no, (y/n). i- i didn’t mean it like tha-” you cut him off. “a stupid little crush? is that all i was to you clay? a stupid little crush? so what, that whole year we spent getting to know each other was you just having a stupid little crush on me? you asking me to fly to forida to meet you, was that you just having a stupid little crush on me? me actually flying all the way to florida to meet you, did you think i just had a stupid little crush on you? did you think me saying yes to going on a date with you was me just having a stupid little crush? what, did that date mean nothing to you? did that kiss mean nothing? did you not mean anything you said to me the night you asked me on that date? because i meant every single thing i said to you clay. you’ve impacted my life so much in such a good way, but i guess you didn’t feel the same way. was i just a joke? just someone to play with while you were bored?” you asked, not wanting to believe what he was saying. 

“no, that’s not what i meant.” he sighed. “then why can’t we work things out!? i don’t understand, clay. if you really did mean everything you told me on that beach then why aren’t you trying harder for us?” you asked, disappointment dripping through your voice. “because i just don’t think we’d work out okay!” he yelled at you. neither of you spoke, just looking at each other. he saw the nasty glare and look of hurt wash over your face. “that’s all you needed to tell me.” you whispered. 

you hung up and as soon as the call was disconnected you sobbed. you cried your eyes out. the guy you were in love with made you believe he wasn’t in love with you. you were absolutely devastated and you didn’t know if you’d ever be as happy as you were with him.

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in florida, sat a man with his phone clutched in his hands, tears streaming down his face that didn’t look like they would stop anytime soon. he whispered, “what have i done?” he screamed, he threw things, broke picture frames, punched the wall. but doing all those things would never bring you back to him.

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twitter

(y/n): hey everyone! i think i’m going to take a break from streaming and all social media for a few months. i don’t really want to go into detail right now but maybe if i come back i’ll explain everything. until then i hope all of you stay healthy and hopefully i come back eventually, i love you all :]

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authors note:

you guys!! there will be a part 2, send me an inbox or a message if you want to be on the tag list !!

#dream #dreamwastaken #dream x reader #dream x streamer!reader #dream imagine #dream imagines #dream fluff #dream angst #dream mcyt #mcyt #mcyt x reader #mcyt x streamer!reader #mcyt imagine #mcyt imagines #mcyt fluff #mcyt angst #dream smp #dream smp x reader #dream smp x streamer!reader #dream smp imagine #dream smp imagines #dream smp fluff #dream smp angst #fans dreamwastaken

[eri-cheri]

Now that we have reached the last chapter of the year. It is time to do a 2020 roll call of what I like to call, “State of the Shippers”:

1. IzuOcha. Status: Placated.

-IzuOcha’s could celebrate several cute tidbits throughout the year. Mini moments as they say.

Anime Highlights: The OVA’s came in clutch with moments for shippers all around and IzuOcha is no exception. We got a cute tidbit where Izuku and Ochako bumped into each other and were flustered.

Manga Highlights: Christmas kept on giving to this fandom as the AM doll Izuku gave Ochako made many appearances. A cute fist bump between the two was also exchanged and Mina was right there bouncing with y’all.

Heroes Rising: Izuku super man carried Ochako to safety. And was Angy she was injured. Fans could enjoy the small Lois Lane moment.

Troubling Signs?: Ochako said “I would like to be excluded from this narrative” when it comes to her feelings for Deku. She’s a hero damnit! So if they are in for something, probably won’t be while they are still in school.

II. DabiHawks. Status: Yikes.

- Dabi and Hawk’s very public breakup set this fandom in disarray but also kind of disayay?

Anime Highlights: None yet. This fandom was cruelly cock blocked by Bones. Sorry DabiHawks stans.

Manga Highlights: Where to begin, my goodness. With these fans, I guess the good and the bad is a plus in this homoerotic double agent relationship. We have the notion that Dabi may have known Hawks when they were kids, which may be a positive? Hori sure loves his childhood friends. Other than that. The GIRLS WERE FIGHTIN’. Hawks is now permanently scarred by Dabi and I don’t think it was kinky folks. Tokoyami inserted himself in the middle to White Knight Hawks, Dabi broke up with him via YT expose and overall, shippers could anguish in the absolute MESS that this ship endured this year. But I’m sure that’s part of the appeal. So...yay?

Heroes Rising: They were both in it.

Troubling Signs?: The entire relationship is a troubling sign which again, is part of the appeal. Maybe Hawks will cuddle up with Dabi’s father after the war. That’s troubling! Speaking of...

III. EndHawks. Status: Yearning and Burning.

-If there’s one thing Endeavor couldn’t stop worrying about, it was his hot (in more ways than one) new side piece who probably should have looked at the fine print when signing a contract to be a recurring guest star on “Keeping up with the Todoroki’s”.

Anime Highlights: A fateful meeting finally in high definition for all our eyes to see! Hawks’s unwavering support of his biggest hero was endearing to watch and their shenanigans together spurred the anime onlies to finally jump on the biggest May-December ship in the series.

Manga Highlights: Endeavor’s admiration and concern for Hawks seeped through the pages as we entered our most exciting arc in the manga yet. Fate split these two up yet entwined their downfall together. And that Fate’s name was Dabi...or should I say ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️ or should I just say Touya!

Heroes Rising: “Don’t bite my head off, Endeavor.” Geez, can you flirt a little less loud Hawks?

Troubling Signs?: They say never meet your heroes and Hawks is in for a rude awakening. We shall see just how deep his admiration runs or if Endeavor’s past will split our dynamic duo up for good.

IV: TodoDeku. Status: “Precious”

-Shoto’s “Midoriya is in Danger” radar was highlighted in both manga and anime. 4th User’s quirk, who?

Anime Highlights: “Midoriya hasn’t returned yet.” “Where’s Midoriya?” “Midoriya! Grab my hand!” “Have some of my Soba Midoriya.” Shoto gets it. His emotional support friend is a danger magnet. TodoDeku’s also enjoyed tiny tidbits in the OVA such as a hand grabbing scene. Gotta hold tight to those crumbs.

Manga Highlights: Two Words. “Precious Friend.” Deku comes in w/o arms or legs fighting for Shoto and Shoto’s honor. These two spent the entire year worried sick about each other, and going against all odds to save each other. Precious Friends indeed. TDDK fans ate.

Heroes Rising: Shoto kicks some dog ass and then faints thinking of Deku (and Bakugo but shh. Let the shippers rejoice.) On the bright side, we have a 3rd movie coming featuring “The Three Musketeers” so shippers of TdDk can HOLD TIGHT to what’s to come.

Troubling Signs?: Shoto still doesn’t know about OFA and he’s gonna have LOTS of questions after this arc. Will Deku finally tell him? If not, it could make or break the ship.

V. TodoBaku. Status: “Shining through the city with a little funk and soul.”

-Who knew the greatest comedy duo we needed was Shoto and his hot headed “friend” or not friend? It still remains unclear to Shoto. Regardless, these two had a fun year.

Anime Highlights: “I wanna see your cute face”, disco dancing, and more fun in the provisional license training. Plus the OVA added some cute moments between the two such as Bakugo staying behind to save Todoroki during a dangerous excercise and his adorable plan neatly animated for us. I’d say TodoBaku’s really were resurgent and energized this year!

Manga Highlights: Shoto, that is not how you properly Catch a Kacchan, I’m sorry. But at least you did it you mad lad. As with Deku, Shoto spent the year worried sick about Bakugo. While the anime let us have our fun, these two were suffering in the manga.

Heroes Rising: Again, Shoto put a dog down and then fainted with Bakugo on his mind (and Deku but we ignore that. Shush.) TodoBaku’s have the 3rd movie to look forward to which is bound to have some amazing content!

Troubling Signs?: They have a lot of trauma to deal with. And a lot of Deku to worry about. I also imagine Shoto will be hurt about being left out of the OFA secret. We shall see what 2021 has to offer.

VI. KiriMina. Status: Unbreakable.

-Changing your hairstyle to match the gal who inspired you in middle school? Sorry y’all but if Mina were a guy, I’d say that’s gay af.

Anime Highlights: We got that backstory Bois. Red Riot’s origin might as well make him be called Pink Riot. Again with Hori and the childhood friends though I wouldn’t exactly call them friends. They just went to the same middle school but Kirishima was highly influenced by Mina’s Chivalrous spirit! A ship is born!

Manga Highlights: The influence is mutual! Mina creates a move based on Kirishima’s unbreakable and we all let out a collective “awwww”. Also in the war arc, we got Kirishima making sure Mina’s chivalrous spirit shines through right into Gigantomachia’s mouth! KiriMina may just be the unsung MVP’s of this arc.

Heroes Rising: They were in it.

Troubling Signs?: I can’t think of a single one. KiriMina’s can enjoy a peaceful sailing.

VII: KiriBaku. Status: Crumb Collectors.

-2020 was an uneventful year for KiriBaku but Bones made sure there were crumbs aplenty! Thank God for OVA’s!

Anime Highlights: KiriBaku’s did thrive in one episode! Kirishima reflects on the sludge incident and evolves his quirk based on inspiring words from Bakugo! Hooray! KiriBaku’s can thrive in their blossoming friendship. The OVA also has Kirishima (and Kaminari but shh) once again following Bakugo’s lead when it comes to the training excercise. How can you not? He’s so manly!

Manga Highlights: Not gonna lie. There is nothing much here this year. I did find a teeny tiny flake in Aizawa’s flashback. Kirishima and Bakugo are sitting next to each other. Oh! And at the hot pot gathering, Bakugo sits next to Kirishima! Eat your crumbs KiriBaku’s! There’s always next year!

Heroes Rising: Kirishima hangs with a lazy Bakugo and delivers the most hilarious line in the whole movie. “Silly Bakugo, there won’t be villains here!” Hahah... Silly Bakugo. Oh you~ KiriBaku’s can inhale the fact that those two sure love to hover around each other!

Troubling Signs?: With great crumbs come little responsiblity. No trouble if there’s no content! 🤔

VIII: KamiJirou. Status: Singing their hearts out 🎶

-If there’s any ship that’s coming close to canonization, I think this is it, folks! “Think of the person most important to you!” Can’t argue with Midnight!

Anime Highlights: Kaminari does non stop encouraging of Jirou and her hobbies! He works super hard to learn guitar for her sake! We love a king who can encourage his queen!

Manga Highlights: Kaminari thinks of the most important person to him and surprise! It’s Jirou! All of the feels can commence.

Heroes Rising: They were in it!

Troubling Signs?: Kaminari does love his women. And men. Kaminari overall is a huge flirt. But Jirou appears to have his heart strings. ❤️

IX: BakuDeku. Status: Rising. 👑

-Alternative Statuses include Winning, Thriving, Soaring. It’s just been non stop content this year. 2020 is truly the year for BakuDeku. The shippers can rejoice.

Anime Highlights: Three words. Be. My. Cane. The OVA’s helped fan the flames of the BkDk hearts with a surprise! Deku tops! Not only that, we got a lovely shoulder tap of encouragement in the canon material. While in season 4, Deku’s primary focus was Eri. Bakugo and Deku still had their moments to be hella gay.

Manga Highlights: Where do I even begin? I guess we’ll just cut to the chase with Bakugo Katsuki: Rising. We finally saw Bakugo’s true feelings manifest for Deku and if getting stabbed for him isn’t the ultimate showing of love, then idk what is. BakuDeku’s rounded out the year with the Volume 29 cover AND the volume 29 cover drafts to eat at our heart strings. Overall, their relationship got the spotlight in the manga this year. And we’re bound to start 2021 with a dramatic confrontation. Hand holding seems to be the key with these two and it didn’t stop with Heroes Rising...speaking of.

Heroes Rising: The entire movie. Like....yeah. That’s it. [OP, your bias is showing. You have to be SPECIFIC.] {But random criticizer in my head, if I lay out the entire plot of the movie, my post will be too long} [OP....] UGHHHH Okay okay. The POPSICLE MELTING. THE HAND HOLDING. THE CHARACTER DESIGNS OF WHAT MIGHT AS WELL BE THEIR LOVE CHILDREN. Did I mention? “It’s fine if it’s you?” CAUSE YEAH. Oh and All Might randomly officiating their wedding in their heads like idk. Isn’t it just simpler if I say the whole movie??!

Troubling Signs?: Well these two’s relationship is extremely delicate and while it has non stop soared this year, Deku might not take too kindly to Bakugo almost dying for him. Will they stop pushing each other away? Time will tell.

That’s all for this year folks! Happy Shipping and good luck to everyone next year!

#my hero academia #bnha spoilers #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #bakudeku #izuocha #tododeku #todobaku #DabiHawks #endhawks #KiriBaku #kamijirou #kirimina