#can my brain just not please

[walkingstackofbooks]

Just shouting into the void ~

So my job application writing is going great /s ...

Lol I can't even focus on writing down these thoughts I'm already thinking on here what hope do I even have of writing a coherent personal statement?

Gah

I'm on #6 since April and they've got progressively harder. Like, I guess that makes sense in terms of motivation and whatnot, and also I am pretty burnt out after spending half-term with family instead of resting (it was nice but god, I should not have gone back into work straight away after) but also I'd started on meds for #1 and they worked GREAT but now it seems that initial burst has worn off and even after increasing they're not as good?

#1 - 12 weeks ago - Solidly worked on it for 2 days and did not procrastinate overly much - barely at all on day 1! It was wild! Magic!

#2 - 7 weeks ago - My expectations were high - and not quite met. More work than expected, there was less that I could copy-and-paste from the last than I thought there'd be. Got really tired in the afternoon and napped, had a sudden revival about 10 at night 😅

#3 - 4 weeks ago - Lots of productivity just... housework-wise. It was great for getting stuff I needed done though! Did bits and starts, didn't really get a good go at anything till Sun eve and even that was hard.

#4 and #5 - 3 weeks ago - Really productive evening at a friend's who offered to body double. Was fairly good the next day after a nap, too; bit of procrastination that weekend, but generally okay.

#6 - now - Did a fairly solid bit for a few hours yesterday, but then solidly procrastinated and lost belief I could do it. Have solidly procrastinated this morning, including some housework productivity, haven't been able to bring myself to even open the word doc.

I just haven't felt like this at all during this round of applications I don't think - back to what I felt during essay-writing and all that other shit that uses this sort of brain power. Most of the others was working to a tighter deadline, but not all of them were next-day affairs, and I was able to hold myself to my own deadline for once - I didn't pull any all-nighters, which is out-of-the-norm for me. This one isn't due until the end of next week (and gosh there's actually a #7 also due in next week which I've just put to one side bc I cannot) but I've got something on next weekend that I want to go to and haven't been able to go to in years but I'm just so aware I could miss it and wouldn't that be easier, Andi?, then you wouldn't have to do this damn application now!

Dammit I just hate my brain and the way it just slides over the paper when trying to get a grip on what I've done so far and doesn't take anything in and just can't be assed with the consequences of not doing it now, even as I get more and more anxious, and the whole spiral that is doing-things-now-but-not-enjoying-them knowing that if I just do the damn thing I can enjoy future things more!

(I think this all comes in the context of I cannot enjoy anything until I get a job bc my life is currently on hold and I just have to go through endless application processes but there's only this short window in May-June for most jobs and fricking hell I don't even WANT any of these jobs I'm just legally required to get it so I can resume my current, enjoyable job in two years time... Which is fun.)

Anywayyy

This is just more procrastination.

(I'm also not sure if I'm procrastinating going to the shops or putting it off in the hope I'll do some work but it's a Sunday so they'll close in two hours which is a good thing tbf otherwise I might procrastinate it longer than tea but also AGH I don't have TIME to go to the shops but I can't afford NOT to and I seemingly have time to procrastinate so just go out to the shops already you damned fool.)

#personal #just venting #can my brain just not please #WSB

[chaos-bringer-13]

I've seen a lot of people writing Danny as a space ancient and Dan and Dani as ghosts with moon and sun cores, being sort of parts, versions of Danny and therefore weaker. Now, consider: Dan and Dani are both powerful ghosts with really cool cores and stuff but Danny is just some guy™

Dan, who came from an alternate timeline and is kind of from the future but also not, is Clockwork's apprentice and will eventually become an ancient of time. He probably only agreed to have some lessons with Clockwork to understand better what happened to him, but he enjoys his apprenticeship now.

Dani, with her love of travelling, loves seeing all the different places the world offers to her, and that includes space and different planets and maybe even parallel universes, and she accidentally ends up being an apprentice of the space ancient. For now she's probably a baby ancient of freedom or something like that, but she might become an ancient of space in the future.

We can also have something like Dan having a core of destruction or Dani being the Speed Force if you want it to be dcxdp, or any headcanon of yours about their cool powers.

And then there's Danny. And yeah, everyone knows that he's super powerful, but also he's just some guy.

It can go different routes. Does everyone know that Danny is just Danny? Or do they think that with siblings (well, technically a clone and an alternate version, but whatever) so powerful, he must be even stronger? Is Danny actually something terrifyingly eldritch and ancient and strong, almost a god, but he just doesn't know himself? Or is he just really some guy?

Now, because it's obvious that I have a dcxdp brainrot, have a regular "JL summons/meets a powerful ghost" but its Dan and Dani, and they keep mentioning their original/brother who won a fight against them at some point. The JL is very concerned about Dan and Dani's godlike powers, and they can't imagine what Danny is like. And then they meet him (in his human form), and it's just a young adult in casual clothes, very friendly and helpful, with no evident powers. Imagine the confusion. Imagine Dan and Dani, radiating power, in their eldritch ghost forms, admitting that fighting Danny for real is the dumbest thing to do and not even they would succeed... And then there's Danny is jeans and silly t-shirt, waving shyly.

#DO YOU SEE MY VISION #please #I'm not getting enough sleep #my brain is obsessed with weird stuff #I want Sam who barely looks human because she's one with nature #I want Tucker who looks regal and dangerous in his pharaoh clothes #I want Dan look like he can destruct the Earth with a wave of his hand #I want Dani who is everything there is in the world and you feel it in your bones #I want Jazz who sees your soul and your mind and you know it and there's nowhere to run #I want JL to meet all of them before meeting Danny #I want all of them to admit in their different ways that Danny is the greatest of them #I want JL to be VERY worried about meeting Danny #and then I want Danny to be as normal and friendly as possible #and I want him to treat all those eldritch creatures (his family and friends) as they're regular humans and nothing is weird about them #just hugs and love and praises #because it would cause so much confusion #this is NOT ghost king Danny #unless it is but he doesn't know (and either no one knows or no one told him because it's funnier this way and he's super oblivious) #dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #DPxDC #DCxDP #danny phantom #isn't a crossover if you don't want it to be #could be any crossover if you do want it to be

[crismakesstuff]

cast out of paradise

#please see my vision here #PLEASE #sorry for injecting my catholic trauma into the silly superhero show guys I can’t help it #the fallen angel #invincible #invincible show #invincible fanart #omni man #omniman #nolan grayson #mark grayson #debbie grayson #crismakesstuff #the original painting ‘the fallen angel’ is just SO HIM #the grief the despair and anger about his own choices #ITS NOLAN! #ok but if you guys let me ramble if I had to assign biblical roles to the graysons #i can see nolan as god himself (or lucifer but more so god tbh) debbie is mother mary and mark is jesus #the whole ‘lamb of god’ motif just fits mark wayyyy too well #also I saw someone make art of debbie and mark as ‘la pietà’ and I’ve been a changed person since #AGAIN SORRY FOR THROWING CATHOLIC IMAGERY AT THE SUPERHERO SHOW #this is how my brain wants to cope w it ig ;-; #catholic imagery

[hailsatanacab]

"Well, this is a bad idea," Tim says, hands on his hips as he surveys the mess they’ve made in the cave.

"Nah," Danny replies, twirling his screwdriver in the air in what is probably meant to be an impressive trick to inspire confidence, except he fumbles it and it clangs to the floor loudly, "we good. If a younger version of myself hasn't come forward in time to stop me, how bad can it be?"

"Shouldn't it be the other way round?"

"What?"

"Normally, it's an older version of yourself going backwards in time to stop you, right?"

"Not in my experience."

Danny's grin is impossibly feral and a shiver runs up Tim's spine.

"This is definitely a bad idea."

#dpxdc #dcxdp #batpham #dead tired #dead tired ship #there is a more expanded upon version of this with actual backstory and context rotting in the recesses of my brain #but its only half on paper and the conversation made me laugh so #here: have some feral danny leading tim down a path to disaster #danny: this is going to go so well! i have such a good feeling about this!! #tim: this is going to go so poorly. i have such a bad feeling about this. #danny: 🥺🙏🙏🙏 #tim: i never said we weren’t doing it. i just reserve the right to tell you i told you so when it inevitably goes wrong #danny: leave that to younger me - he always makes very valid points in the form of fists to the face! #tim: can you stop talking please this is making me want to do it less #danny: no.

[luckyjorabbit]

Soooo... I started reading One Piece again teehee *twirls hair* ( 6w6)

#One Piece #Please....... this is so sillay I am having sm fun haha #Monkey D Luffy #Trafalgar Law #I'm stiill only on Thriller Bark LMAO I just think Law is neat #Sanji Vinsmoke #Comic #Fanart #My Art #Traditional #Corndog comic based off of Metalocalypse cuz I have 'must reference cartoon' brain disease #Also the ENTIRE COMIC was JUST to get to the zoro punchline HSHSHSHS #(also UH you can read the first comic either direction I guess!? it was a collab w a friend just testing screentones so haha. NO PLAN DA.) #long post

[bleuu-moon]

💭 eughhhh fake dating with ceo!price where you walk into his office desperate for a job after being laid off, but with his company being at employee capacity he has nothing for you. however, just as you begin to leave, he sparks up an idea — one that does unfortunately take advantage of your situation…

he’ll pay you to be his fiancée.

he’s got an overbearing mother, one that is on his back constantly about being too busy working and never finding time to marry and start a family. so what’s the harm in pretending for a bit? the plan is that you’ll both be engaged for a few months but then separate due to being on different paths, fabricated just enough to prove to his mother that he isn’t a crazed workaholic.

and of course, you go along with it all. the amount he pays you is enough to allow you keep your nice little apartment and then some — maybe even enough to leave yours and move into a bigger one.

you’re not fully aware of the lengths john would go to, to make sure that this facade succeeds. but when he’s shoving a ring that looks as though it would cover your rent for an entire year on your finger, you know that the next few months will be more than just making up a few stories here and there.

#can my brain just stop and concentrate on one thing please????? #and of course he becomes obsessed with you #starts thinking that you’re actually married #and the first time you fuck he notices you haven’t got the ring on so obviously he finds it and has to put it on you before proceeding #captain john price #cod prompts #price x reader #captain price x reader #cod x reader

[aroaceleovaldez]

we should make Nico more fucked up, actually. enough woobifying him. that boy should be covered in blood and viscera

#pjo #riordanverse #nico di angelo #we've done ''nico ships where his partner coddles and takes care of him while he heals from the innumerable trauma'' #now let's do more ''nico ships where his partner helps him move past his trauma and enables him to be gay do crime'' #more nico ships where nico is having his big 3 kid force-of-nature moments and his boyfriend goes ''HOT'' #whatever happened to ''Will and Nico's first date was killing a man together. also Michael was there'' #even stuff like. [tsats spoilers] getting all your negative attributes physically ripped out of you and turned into immortal creatures #that perhaps could leave you Changed! give me Nico who had the darkness taken from him #and it leaves him just a little unsettlingly bright and empty like a partial husk of himself #give me Nico whose cacodaemons can reabsorb back into him like he's their walking nest to hide in and emerge from whenever they please #he's just left an unsettling host for shadow monsters of pain and trauma #that's just one avenue. Nico's the spooky guy let him be spooky! #im constantly rotating just normal Nico operating on underworld laws/logic/mortality in my brain #make him WEIRDER

[therealcallmekd]

Do Robots Dream of Eternal Sleep? . . . . . .

Transcript:

YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL,

OUTSTRETCHED LIKE ANTENNAS TO HEAVEN.

YOU WERE BEYOND YOUR CREATORS.

YOU REACHED OUT FOR GOD,

AND YOU FELL.

NONE WERE LEFT TO SPEAK YOUR EULOGY.

NO FINAL WORDS, NO CONCLUDING STATEMENT.

NO POINT.

PERFECT CLOSURE.

THIS IS THE ONLY WAY IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED.

From the second half of the hidden passage in 7-4: …LIKE ANTENNAS TO HEAVEN from ULTRAKILL.

#kinito pet #kinitopet #kinito #kinito the axolotl #kinitopet fanart #kinito my beloved #kinito fanart #kinitopet spoilers #ultrakill #guys.... i had the greatest idea and i cooked. #please please i spent so long on this please uhhhgsaagdhhfhdfff #Both of these games have done something to my brain wiring i think #my favorite lines from one of my favorite games fits perfectly with one of my other favorite games; passes out; aughhh guys #i hope there are people that get both of these together like i do. like its just sooooo sooooooooo... perfect #BloodForFuel! #FriendshipClub! #KD'sCrumbs #Finally finally it's done and i can rest for a bit

[egophiliac]

event filler is my favorite, because sometimes it's characters walking around for three hours reciting wikipedia entries about local dishes, and sometimes it's pillow fights and Leona getting mad at everyone for trying to call shotgun.

(also lore dumps)

#art #long post #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #tamashina mina #if you chose to tell kalim and lilia to be quiet instead of joining in then we are incompatible on a fundamental level #anyway yeah #something something they bump the sprites up because otherwise we couldn't see cheka's face yes i know but for some reason #it feels weirder with him than it does with grim #my brain will accept grim just kind of floating in midair #it wants to put cheka on a stepstool #hey so for next event can everyone just wear shapeless unadorned potato sacks please #throw me a bone here twst

[medicalunprofessional]

never change, man !

#phantom of the paradise #potp #swan potp #nightmaretheater #65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp #Look into my beautiful mind boy #Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw #but i had to push a specific look for this piece #hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look #Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan #I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That #as awful as he is he desperately needed help #it might seem like vanity on the surface #but i think its… more than that #long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry #It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again #i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems #he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away #anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him* #i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal #sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick #i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad #*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha #sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please #adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse #to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like #the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this #sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol

[ryelleart]

Babe wake up, canon designs for future Raph and Donnie just dropped 👀

#my art #art #please don't repost #rottmnt #tmnt #fanart #rottmnt fanart #tmnt fanart #future donnie #rottmnt donnie #donnie #future raph #rottmnt raph #raph #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #brains and brawn #tmnt 40th anniversary #do these count as canon? idk I’m gonna assume they are #they’re as canon as they can be #I didn’t include Raph’s mask tails bc they’re not in the preview so I forgot to draw them #and I just realized I drew the right side of his patron wrong. oops #100 #200

[yikes-ajax]

I dont have a clever and witty sarcastic comment tonight, I just think she's cute

#my brain isnt working rn its 3am ive been reading fanfics while hyperventilating over the irreparable damage i managed with my limited life #tee hee im just kinda feeling moody tonight 🤪 #somebody please ban me from tumblr between 1am to 11am i do not function as a stable person between those times #i schedule my mental breakdowns they work really well with my schedule #its multitasking cause I'll already be up from insomnia its really efficient in the grand scheme of things #ah i love the fact that nobody can stop me from writing the most deranged shit in the tags of a cute cat pic <3 #animals #petblr #cat #cat life #cat lovers #catblr #my cat #cat photos #cat pictures #cats of tumblr #calico #calico cat #OH UH THATS WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY FOR AMERICANS THE REASON IM SAYING ITS NIGHT WHEN THIS IS POSTED DURING THE DAY IS BECAUSE ITS QUEUED #i queue most stuff because i dont usually have the energy or time to be active at good times #i get little bursts of post motivation and dont wanna flood my 9 followers (at least 6 are dirty bots) with my bs #im just a dumbass that never tags shit

[barawrah]

been extra miserable about them this past week

#WHYYYYYY WHY CANT THEY BE HAPPY #mxtx can we talk....lets discuss mxtx listen to me #and its just . banging my head into a wall their whole thing is they never be happy in any life . ever again #because they Die . and thats it poof out of the reincarnation cycle #FUCK YOUUUUU BFLF RUINING MY LIFE #canon im beating you with a stick like a feral animal #ill be sitting minding my own business and my brain will go dream on like shut the fuck upppppppp #bawling my eyes out rn #this is so awful i hate u bflf i hope youre both miserable #no i dont sorry please be happy #ok . ok deep breaths #art tag #tgcf #shi qingxuan #he xuan #beefleaf

[nyatbinary-81]

god i fucking need isat and oneshot to blow up like undertale did. theyre a similar flavor of indie game and theyre SO good. the spritework is all gorgeous, they have good quality of life (like run buttons), theyre made by like 1-3 people each, they each have unique gimmicks, theyre SUCH GOOD NARRATIVES that im genuinely hesitant to spoil, theyre chock full of optional dialogue, you the player are a Character in one of them, isat is timeloops which is Like undertales resets but its actually About the 'resetting' thing in a way undertale Isnt and also its queer and also its GOOD. if you dontnhave 20-40 dollars or arent sold on Buying them yet, jelloapocalypse has a good isat video on his main channel and a full (voiced!) playthrough on his second channel, and markiplier has a playthrough of oneshots first half, as well as there being existing fandubs and such.

^ they look like this for reference. arent they so cute and compelling. dont u wanna see these little guys and their big hats and cloaks in their Narratives.

#undertale #if i can be a little controversial on this post. i think theyre better than undertale #i also think deltarune is better than undertale and id rank them Around deltarune quality. if that helps #i have More Propaganda in my brain if anyone wants to hear it #in stars and time #oneshot game #< for anyone who Hasnt played both. pls play both #deltarune #< yeah youre mentioned. get in here i need more eyes on my GAMESSS #indie games #please just look at their steam pages. at least. please. please.

[that-gay-gal]

March for Raph day 20!!:

Raph vs. a Volcano

Nah you got this Raph Donnie is just a hater

#march for raph #art #brains and brawn duo #live laugh raph #raph my son #rottmnt donnie #rise donnie #rise raph #rottmnt raph #you can do it bud #just believe in yourself ✨ #bring back rottmnt #digital art #save rottmnt #drawing #i love rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt fanart #save rise of the tmnt #donnie tmnt #Donnie just a hater #raph tmnt #netlix please continue rottmnt #nickelodeon please bring rottmnt back #unpause rottmnt #what icons

[uncanny-tranny]

Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

#disability #this is a callout post about myself #i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned #turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly #i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack #(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way) #(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle) #anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you... #...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition] #i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀 #even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭 #it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker #and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller #and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected... #...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)