#but to achieve my dream i would have to change my very Catholic mother and I simply cannot move that needle enough.

[essektheylyss]

Listen, using D&D to live out your dream of fighting a parental figure in hand-to-hand combat is a very valid approach but I'm here to live out my dream of having a metaphysical and/or ethical debate with a parental figure that doesn't circle back around exclusively to Catholic dogma, and I am also valid.

#here's the thing: you can just fight your dad. you can even win. #the ability to fight your dad relies primarily on some amount of training and also maybe getting him to Washington State. #(duels are legal here!) #if you wanna fight your dad you really primarily must change yourself. #but to achieve my dream i would have to change my very Catholic mother and I simply cannot move that needle enough. #anyway this inspired by a discussion with my dm about having this kind of discussion. #my mom is VERY SMART and REALLY WELL READ and it is a fucking SHAME SHE IS AS CATHOLIC AS SHE IS #and now i have to simulate these conversations in dnd. 😔 #also FOR LEGAL REASONS THIS IS A JOKE

[mistresstaru]

Soul Call Chapter 2

Exposition is my favorite. This story is a modern-ish AU, where the biggest difference is the existence of heaven and hell. And please, if you like this, then you’ll love Exotic, a canon-ish story starring Silco and Zolana. You can read it on my ao3 and here’s a link https://archiveofourown.org/works/35576899/chapters/88693981 (I will not be posting each individual chapter here that’s ridiculous).

Soul Call

 :::

 Father Silco is in his office tonight, going through orders and shipments. Before that, reading up on anything he could find on succubi. Not much is known about them, and if what she says is true, then the information is not accurate. He’s still not sure if what he saw was real or not, but he did take the demon’s advice to sleep more, or at least try. He is too busy to sleep, with pretending to be a priest by day, but by night… “Nice and cozy office you got, here.” He’s startled and looks up, seeing that gorgeous succubus, Zolana. He’s never seen anyone more beautiful, but according to the research he’s done, she might just be shapeshifting to his preferences. However, she said the last time that he’s ‘exactly her type’, so it could just be a perfect match made. “Told you I’d be back.”

 “Fantastic to know that you’re real, and that I’m not going mad.” He says sarcastically, ignoring his recent thought. “How do you get here, through my dreams?”

 “Did you find that in a book, too?” Zolana asks, sauntering over to the front of his desk. “Not technically. I do get here through you, and I can do so because of your strong desires, your dreams. But I don’t ‘travel through them’. Speaking of which…” She leans on the desk now, extreme cleavage in his view. “Have you thought about what I said?”

 “… I have.” He looks down at his work. “I don’t know if you could help. What I do… it’s a very delicate process that’s taken me many years to achieve. Something like you could ruin it.”

 “Well then…” She stands straight up, pursing her lips angrily. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so insulted in my whole afterlife. You don’t even know what I’m capable of.”

 “And what is that? Rejuvenating sex, as you say?” He touches the rosary around his neck. "Even if I am a loose-practicing man of the cloth, I do practice celibacy, like you guessed the last time.”

 “And I also guess that you forgot I took you to the floor easily the last time.” She snaps back. “I’m not just a pretty face. I’m a warrior, an assassin, a femme fatale, and a damn good dancer.”

 “Is that your résumé?” He scoffs. “I assume you weren’t always a demon.”

 “You’re correct. I was indeed human, once.”

 “And were you all of those things, then?”

 “I was.” She looks at him. “You wanna hear my life story?”

 “I do, actually.” He says, putting his pen down. “I didn’t mean to sound rude, earlier. I do find you fascinating, despite what I said before.”

 “Oh… well…” She perks up, sitting in a chair in front of his desk, heeled ankle over her knee. “I was born about 550 years ago, now. My father was a soldier and taught me how to fight, and my mother was a housewife and taught me how to sew. But what I really wanted was to dance. They supported me, and I was on my way to becoming a professional. Until… I was raped by five men, all married and supposedly esteemed Catholic patrons of the ballet. They had a cult, you see. A cult where they raped young, pious women.”

 “That’s awful.” Silco says, shocked. “I’m terribly sorry.”

 “I was raised Catholic myself, and was a proud worshipper, but that day, everything changed. I developed what is now known as PTSD, except back then, I was just going crazy. Being devout still, I decided to take it as a sign that I should become a soldier like my father, only I would kill men who rape and kill young men, women, and children, including the ones who raped me.”

 “Brilliant.” He likes her thinking.

 “However, the more work I did, the more horrifying things I saw men do in the name of God, or just because they can, the more I began to question my faith in Him. I would ask Him, ‘Why do you make people suffer like this, O Lord? Why must good people suffer and bad people win and reap the benefits?’ My questions were never answered. And my last job as an assassin, I died slowly as I watched a poor sixteen-year-old be raped by an old man, and she begged me for help… but I failed.” She pauses. “And then, I see a light, and I see the Pearly Gates of Saint Peter. I’m almost there, thinking all my work paid off… but then I fall. I fall fast and hard to Hell, and I become this vision of beauty before you.”

 “Were you damned because of your questions?”

 “I think so, but I don’t know.” She replies. “It’s part of our punishment, to not know why we’re down there. We have to figure it out for ourselves. But yeah, I don’t think it was because I killed or had sex out of wedlock, I think it’s because I questioned Him. His stupid plan.”

 “And you continue to question Him.” He smirks.

 “I’m having a great time in Hell, actually.” She uncrosses her legs. “Another part of our punishment is that we have to continue to work, but at least I have a job that I love, dancing. It’s not ballet, but I love any kind of dancing.”

 “And the kind of dancing you do is…?”

 “Do you have to ask?” She smiles wickedly. “Any and all things exotic. My boss is quite proud.”

 “Lucifer?”

 “No, Lucifer’s not my direct boss, he’s like the CEO and my boss, Asmodeus, is like one of the managers.”

 “Asmodeus… so the seven princes of Hell exist?” Father Silco asks.

 “Yeah, and each manage a ring, or circle of Hell. Technically, there’re nine because Wrath is so big it’s divided into three circles. Most people go to Wrath when they come to Hell.”

 “Do you live in the Lust ring?”

 “You’re so smart.” She smiles flirtatiously. “Yes, and demons there become known as succubi and incubi. And my boss told me he had a very special job for me after all these centuries… you.”

 “Ah, so he’s the one who sent you.” He leans forward on the desk.

 “I saw you and I… instantly felt a connection.” Zolana holds her hands to her chest. “I asked him what I was supposed to do and he said, ‘The answer will become clear with time’.”

 “Really?”

 “The guy spoke very clearly with three heads, so…” She shrugs. “It looks like we were destined to meet.”

 “I don’t believe in that.” He snarls. “There is no destiny. We need to push our lives in the direction we want.”

 “Fine, if you want to look at it that way… I won’t argue with you.” She crosses her arms. “All I know is that you’re stuck with me. My boss orders it.”

 “Tsk…” He didn’t know that.

 “But as I told you, I have many talents.”

 “Can you shapeshift?” He asks, remembering this thoughts from earlier.

 “Yeah, but not how you’re probably thinking.” She stands. “I can’t change my appearance into any old person. But I can do this…” She makes her horns, wings and tail disappear. “It’s for convenience. And this…” Her appearance turns human, her skin a lovely bisque color, her eyes an emerald green, and her outfit changing to something more presentable. “Is a human disguise.”

 “…” He is floored by this one, her human self just as lovely as her demon self. It must be how she used to look when she was alive.

 “I also can do a fun, eldritch party trick, but you’re not ready for that one.” She changes back.

 “That bad?” He crosses his leg under the desk, ignoring the heat in his groin. “Anything else?”

 “I can breathe fire, and I’m invisible to everyone but you unless you want me to show myself.” She tells him. “And, my senses are insanely keen. For example…” She sniffs the air. “You smoke cigars, very expensive ones.”

 “Anyone with a nose could tell that.” He’s not impressed.

 “And you hide the little suckers…” She goes over to the cabinet, bottom right door, to the back, and pulls out a box of them. “Here. As well as liquor that is not the blood of Christ.” She finds three bottles of bourbon. Okay, now he’s impressed. “You pay for these with donations?”

 “Just put them back where you found them.” He wonders what else she could find with that nose.

 “I also smell firearms.” She finishes, standing up and moseying to his desk. Sniffing some more, she pulls on the top right drawer handle, but it’s locked. “This is the one. Hmm… two guns?”

 “One gun and one grenade.” He smirks.

 “What the hell do you need a grenade for?” Her eyes widen.

 “You never know.”

 “You’re not making this easy.” She pouts, realizing that he’s playing her. But she’ll sniff out all his secrets. “I smell other people. Teenagers.”

 “This is also an orphanage.” Silco explains. “I take care of many children and teenagers.”

 “Interesting. You don’t seem the type.”

 “It isn’t easy, nor am I the best at the job.” He shakes his head. “But this is how things are, and it’s my responsibility to teach these children how to survive.”

 “Wow.” Her gaze softens. She is now impressed by him. She looks on his desk, the evidence of these children clear as day. There’s a cute monkey mug, a scribbled-on ashtray, and a colored pencil left behind. On the wall behind him, drawings outline the round stained glass window. How did she not notice these before? “These are actually pretty good. They’re all from the same kid.” She sniffs again. “And there’s more.” She goes around to the other side of the desk and opens the bottom drawer. She goes through each file, and one of them is for this kid’s drawings. “Jinx?” It’s the file’s name, and the backs of her drawings are all signed with the name.

 “She’s a very special child.” He smiles fondly.

 “So she’s your favorite.”

 “I didn’t say that.”

 “But she is, though.” Zolana grins.

 “… She is, I guess.” He looks really cute right now.

 “You’re something else.” She puts the file away, quickly scanning the others. “These are all pretty legit files for a priest to have.” She closes the drawer. “Where are the real ones?” She points to his desk, knowing very well that those don’t go with the others.

 “What happened to that nose of yours?” He taunts. “You can’t sniff them out?”

 “I could, but it would take me longer.” She leans down, eye level with him. “And I know what you’re doing; you’re testing me. Auditioning me for ‘the job’. However, I still don’t know what the job is.”

 “Father!” They hear a voice from down the hall.

 “Speak of the devil.” He turns to the succubus. “You need to go.”

 “I told you, I’m invisible.” She goes to sit on a cabinet on the side of the room. “I’ll just sit right here.”

 “Hi, Father.” A teenage girl with bright blue braids and an even brighter smile comes barreling into his office. She has a black and red Catholic school uniform on and she’s holding yet another drawing, no wait… it’s a fucking blueprint for a grenade?

 “What the fuck?” Zolana asks herself. Silco side-eyes her, hoping she truly is invisible.

 “What’s wrong?” Jinx looks where he’s looking but doesn’t see anything.

 “Nothing, Jinx. I’ve been… having a bit of a rat problem.”

 “Is it a big one?”

 “Very.” He glances at the demon again, who is now flipping him off. “What do you have there, child?”

 “This is my new design!” She skips to his desk. “A smoke bomb. Isn’t he cute?” The bomb design has a bear’s face on it.

 “He’s adorable. What’s his name?”

 “Grizzles.”

 “I love it.” He takes it. “Once the supplies come in, you’ll be able to make him.”

 “Maybe I should make it a cat instead, to help with your rat problem.” Well, isn’t she cute and apparently deadly?

 “How about a mouse trap in the shape of a cat, instead?”

 “Ooooo, good idea.” She looks like she’s formulating in her mind. “Oh, I left this here! I’ve been looking for it.” She sees the colored pencil. “Thanks, I’m going to go draw up a new design.”

 “What you need to do is get ready for bed.” He stands.

 “Aw, why?” She whines, pouting. “You get to go to bed whenever you want.”

 “That’s because I’m not a young, growing child.” He leads her to the door. “I’ll be by to check on all of you, later. Good night, Jinx.”

 “G’night.” She hugs him tightly before skipping down the hall.

 “Alright, what’s going on here?” Zolana asks. “Why did that fourteen-year-old have a design for a bomb?”

 “Are you aware of what’s happening in this city?” He shuts the door.

 “There’s a civil war, right? Between the north side and south side?”

 “Yes. The Undercity, or as we call it down here, Zaun, has been repressed by Piltover for generations. My generation started the war. A lot of our people were sacrificed, or worse, corrupted by Topside. Things are a little better now, but not the best they could be. I am trying to free my city. I’ve decided to go underground, be ordained, and work against Piltover from the shadows. They think I’m just a former rebel who found God. They have no idea what I truly am.”

 “And that is?”

 “The kingpin.” He grins.

 “Oh.” She couldn’t believe it. She knew he wasn’t a normal priest, maybe the leader of a cartel, but she didn’t expect this, for him to be the faceless crime lord of his nation. “And her, and the other kids here?”

 “They are indeed orphans, but they are not helpless.” He says. “They have brains and brawn, fascinating for their age. Jinx is a brilliant engineer. And her sister is…”

 CRASH

 “What was that?” She asks.

 “Not good.” He pulls out his dagger, running down the hall.

 “Wait for me!” She follows, wondering what was happening. They swerve through the halls until they reach a large room with multiple beds. That sound they heard was a window breaking, and the culprit was a big, burly guy unconscious on the floor. A pink-haired girl a little older than Jinx is standing over him, blood dripping from her fist. “Again, what the fuck?” She looks around the room and a few kids were scared, but most of them were primed and ready to fight. Jinx is there, kind of being a bit of both.

 “What happened?” Silco doesn’t put his knife away just yet as he walks into the room.

 “Some rando broke in, but Vi knocked him out before he could do anything.” A thin boy with spiky brown hair says. “I checked outside but didn’t see anyone else.”

 “Good work Vi, Mylo.” Silco crouches down in front of the intruder. “Patch up the window. Claggor, help me with him. We’re going to the basement.”

 “O-Okay.” A heavyset boy with goggles comes and helps Silco lift the man up. Zolana lets them pass before she follows them down to the ‘basement’, which looked more like a dungeon. They put the intruder in a chair and tie him to it.

 “Thank you. I’ll take it from here.” Silco pats the boy’s shoulder before he leaves.

 “These are some kids you got.” Zolana says. “I thought children didn’t have to be like this anymore, just… raised to fight, like I was.”

 “This is how it is, here.” He stands, staring down at the man, waiting for him to wake up. “Children of Zaun don’t get the privilege to go to school, play around, or even have parents to care for them, whether they die or throw them out onto the street. These kids are lucky to have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs.”

 “So, what are we going to do with this guy?” She twiddles her clawed fingers.

 “I’m going to question him.” He says.

 “And what if he doesn’t answer?”

 “I’ll make him talk.”

 “I can help with that.” She grins. “With my party trick I told you about earlier.”

 “No.”

 “Why?” She asks. “Why don’t you want my help?”

 “Won’t it cost me?” He looks at her. “Do I need to sell my soul? Sacrifice that which I love?”

 “Jeez, those books you read need to be rewritten.” She puts a hand on his shoulder. “There is no cost. We don’t need your money, or your firstborn, or another damn soul to stuff into Hell.”

 “Then what do you want?” He wants to shake her off, but that electric feeling from her touch feels too good.

 “…I’m just happy to get out for a while, you know?” She smiles. “This is fun, new and exciting for me. Besides, the air is fresher here than it is in Hell.”

 “I doubt that.” He huffs. They turn to the intruder, who is stirring awake. “Wait for my signal."

 “You got it, Father.” She salutes him, stepping back while he squats in front of the man, cassock fanning out around his knees.

 “Hmmm… huh?” The man wakes to an angry priest. “What the f- OW!” He’s slapped across the face. “The hell? What kind of priest are you?”

 “The kind who does his divine duty.” Silco brings the knife out from behind his back. “Why are you here?”

 “Uh… I dunno…” His eyes shift, clearly lying. “I got high and thought this was a liquor store.”

 “That’s a new one.” Silco smirks, twisting the knife in his hand. “You’re going to tell me who you work for.”

 “I don’t work for nobody!” He struggles in his binds.

 “Your employer could teach you proper grammar, as well as how to lie.” He looks over his shoulder, seeing the winged creature that was enjoying the show, but desperately wanted to be a part of it. Very well. He would use her. “Tell me, would you like to meet a beautiful woman?”

 “Um… well yeah, of course I would.”

 “Very good.” He stands, clearing the way for her. She nods, sauntering up to the man and grabbing his throat, pushing his head back.

 “Whoa, what? How are you doing that?!” The man asks hoarsely, freaking out.

 “You might want to turn around.” Zolana looks at Silco.

 “It’s fine, just do it.” He says. She turns back to the man, and suddenly he can see her, looking her right in her red eyes.

 “Wh-What?” He’s terrified.

 “Hi, big boy.” She smiles before she screeches an unholy noise and her face opens into many slices, her head a homogeny of eyes, mouths and tentacles. It truly is a sight Silco wasn’t ready for, good eye as wide as his mutated one, but he was able to keep the scream inside as the intruder shrieked for him, probably going to lose his mind instead of telling him what he wants to know. Thankfully, she stopped after two seconds but it felt longer, like they had both seen death and Hell. Silco gathers himself, looking at the man who has peed his pants and still screaming.

 “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!” He yells, apparently not being able to see her anymore.

 “T-Talk, or you’re going to have to see it again.” Silco grabs his shoulder, pointing the knife at him.

 “OKAY, OKAY! I was sent by a guy who just got promoted to the Council! His name is Jayce, uh… Talis! Jayce Talis.” The man says, shaking. “He told me to come here and find out what this place is hiding!”

 “Were you with anyone else?”

 “Y-Yeah, but they ditched me.” He tells him. “I wasn’t going to hurt anybody, I swear to God!”

 “Well, make sure to tell God when you see him.” Silco raises the knife to his jugular.

 “W-Wait, I told you everything!”

 “I never said anything about letting you go.” The priest thrusts the knife through his neck before he could prattle more, and he dies quickly, a mess of blood and piss.

 “That was so much fun. And you were…” Zolana stops, looking at Silco, whose adrenaline was slowing down and remembering that horrid form of hers and cringing. “I told you, you weren’t ready for it.”

 “Is that your true form?” He cautiously looks back at her.

 “No, this is me.” Her wings expand. “I’m one of the lucky ones.”

 “Is that right?”

 “Oh yeah.” She smiles. “And it’s nice to know you think I’m beautiful.”

 “It was for the act.” He scoffs.

 “Mm-hmm.”

 “Please, help me take the body to the cremator.” He uses the bloodied knife to cut the dead man from the rope, and she picks up right up like he weighed nothing. He leads her to the cremator at the corner of the room, opens the door and pulls out the shelf. She places the body on it and he pushes the shelf back into the burner, about to turn on the fire.

 “Oh please, allow me.” She stops him. “Hellfire burns things real quick. Watch.” She inhales sharply and blows fire from her lips. The body is nothing but a pile of ash in seconds, no bones remaining. “See? No evidence.”

 “Incredible.” He looks at the ash inside the burner, shocked by all the things he’s seen from her. To have such a useful tool just handed to him with no price, no angles… no, there has to be a price. This is too good to be true. And if she doesn’t know, then her ‘boss’ would…

 “I can see the wheels turning in your head, Father.” She closes the door for him. “I guess you would have a lot to think about.”

 “Yes…” He puts his fingers on the bridge of his nose. “Now I have Jayce Talis to deal with.”

 “He’s a member of the Council?”

 “Yes, and so far I’ve been able to steer them in opposite directions, but this new Councilor, the ‘Golden Boy’…” He doesn’t feel like rambling. “Are you able to take objects back with you to Hell, books, for example?”

 “No, sorry. Can’t bring anything from Hell here, either.” She shakes her head. “Why?”

 “I want you to study the history of the city.” He smirks. “You’re going to need to know these things if you are going to work for me.”

 “Work for… oh.” She perks up. “Oh, yeah? Well, I am able to look into it back home.”

 “Good, please do. And then when you come back…” He realizes he doesn’t know her so-called ‘schedule’.

 “I will be there when you need me.” She smiles. “Even when you don’t think you will.”

 “That’s vague.” He huffs. “You may go, now. I need to check on the children.”

 “Fine, see you later.” She watches him walk to the stairs, loving his thin yet menacing frame. “I’m missing you already.”

 “Hm?” He turns around, but she’s gone again. He releases another breath from his lungs, hating this feeling that he has whenever she’s here, and whenever she isn’t. The feeling is somewhat familiar to him, in his younger years, the start of a relationship between two rebels. No… he has no time, and no room in his heart for that feeling again. He’s too old, and too busy for such nonsense. And to even entertain the notion of having a relationship with a demon… it’s not even possible. It could never be.

#silco #silco my beloved #silco fanfiction #arcane #arcane fanfiction #silco/oc #priest silco

[stormblessed95]

Did Jimin just say he doesn't believe in destiny? What happened with Serendipity and "destiny? I told you: I am you, you are me" 😭 This is really a direct contrast to what JK said on his wine Vlive in 2019. I'm not saying this means jikook broke up or anything, just curious of what changed their thoughts. Maybe the pandemic? What do you think?

Pls don't take this as insecurity, I was just really surprised by his answer but don't think it necessarily has anything to do with jikook.

Hello Anon,

Let's talk about Serendipity again!

Everyone should take a second to just enjoy Jimin performing Serendipity again...

A reminder that Jimin did NOT write Serendipity. RM did. Jikook have adopted that song as their own but it can express the feelings that Jimin has for Jungkook without him agreeing fundamentally with every single line. It can be a love that feels like Destiny, because even if you don't believe in it you can still associate what those feelings would feel like and feel them for other things, like a partner.

Jimin can still relate with the message of "I am you, you are me" in the song and in his relationship with Jungkook. That doesn't have anything to do with Destiny. Also Jimin is an individual before he is someone in a relationship. Not everything he says or does has to be about Jungkook. You can truly be in love with someone and think differently about certain topics. That's okay

Let's also remember that because Jimin write Serendipity, he wasn't using the song to say he believes in Destiny. In fact, I can't remember a time he actually said that. If I am wrong, please correct me. And if he DID, its okay for views to grow and change. Jimin stated how he worked hard and that is how he achieved his dreams and wishes. He doesn't attribute that to fate, but through his own hardwork, dedication and passion. And we should all applaud him for that, destiny or fate, he worked so hard over the years and I'm so proud of him!

Jungkook was the only one I think who definitely declared his belief in fate. Its absolutely okay for two people to be happily in a relationship and not agree. For a bigger example... my parents have been married for 30 years now. My mother is catholic and my dad is an atheist. They are still happy and very much in love. I was raised with knowledge of catholicism and knowledge of many other religions as well. I actually lean more towards Buddhism, but I don't really identify with any religion truly. We all have wonderful and intellectual conversations regarding this stuff when we get together and it comes up. This is because we respect each other. My parents have a lot of respect for each other so they don't need to agree and be the same on everything. Jimin and Jungkook respect the hell out of each other, its very clear. I would love to hear their conversations about Destiny, Fate and the Divine honestly. They would probably be very stimulating, intelligent and insightful!

So I don't think anything drastically changed between them with this Destiny stuff, nor do I think that believing in different things is something that is a deal breaker or causes issues between them. Its just simply how Jimin feels, and it doesn't relate to JK at all. Thanks for the ask anon, you kept it very respectful even though you seemed worried. I hope you have a good night.

#jikook #kookmin #jikook destiny #ask #anon #jikook festa

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Mandatory High School AU That No One (Except Daniela Dimitrescu) Asked For (Part 1)

Summary: Donna has a crush on the beautiful, strong, and tall Chris Redfield but she is just your average (somewhat clumsy) teenage girl. How can she possibly be any match for the gorgeous Miranda? Luckily she has friends like Alcina, Karl, and Salvatore to help her achieve her dreams!

“You’re too old for these.” Miranda chuckles.

Donna grits her teeth and reaches for Angie.

“Aww, give it back, Miranda. You know that she has no other friends!” Claire chuckles.

Her lower lip quivers. Why did Miranda have to take Angie? Any of her other dolls would have been tolerable but not Angie. She reaches out again and mumbles, “give her back.” It is about as useless as telling Karl to put out his joint and actually attend classes for once. She knows that he would rather smoke his days away listening to Metallica and Mötley Crüe in the boys bathroom.

She remembers him mentioning, ‘Smoking in the Boys Room’. She very vividly recalls a night when they had sat upon the soccer field. It was a summer afternoon, the summer before her freshman year. She remembers Alcina smiling as she tossed a frisbee to Moreau. He hadn’t been paying attention though so it hit him in the face. Back in those days, it didn’t matter though, nobody laughed at you for falling over or being clumsy--a problem Donna has frequently; she is very clumsy and, of course, very average looking. Just an ordinary girl. She remembers that on that very warm and unforgettable--really it was as plain as she--summer afternoon that Karl had looked off into the sunset, “it’s like this song was made for Smoking in the Boys Room.”  A warm breeze stirred his hair.

She had nodded in agreement and she too looked off into the sunset. Those were simpler times. Much simpler.

Perhaps if she weren’t so presently distressed she might have wondered why the sun was setting in the afternoon. But she is no scientist. She is just Donna, plain, boring Donna. With her unremarkable face. Maybe Chris would notice her if she looked more like Miranda with her flawless skin and her perfect tan and a perfect mane of blonde hair that fanned out like blonde hair shimmering under the sun.

“Hey, what do you think your brother will think of Angie?” Miranda quirks a brow. She gives her perfectly styled bangs a flick. She lazily tosses Angie to Claire without looking in her direction. Claire fumbles, just barely clutching onto Angie’s dress and Donna’s heart skips a beat.

Claire pinches Angie’s little hands between her pointers and thumbs. “I don’t know but I think it’s creepy. Chris isn’t into weirdo goth chicks.”

“I’m not…”

“You’re right, he so totally isn’t.”

Donna sighs, she hopes Chris doesn’t think that she is a weirdo, she has only been crushing on him since the third grade and that was when he was still shoving crayons up people’s noses with Ethan. She remembers when he was nice but then he got hot and joined the football team and everything changed. Suddenly he no longer wanted to eat glue with Moreau. Now everything is football, football, and sneaking into college parties so he could talk to Jill Valentine.

“College girls, ya know?” He says to his friends. “One time I dated a college girl, she said she was studying beer pong. That’s what I’m going to major in.”

Donna is a little more ambitious, she would like to double major in art design and theater and minor in geology.

“Seriously, give Angie back.” She whimpers.

Miranda throws her head back and laughs, “not a chance…~loooser~!”

Donna feels her heart breaking, she doesn’t know what she will do without Angie.

“This thing is ratty junk.” Claire declaires.

“Angie is not junk!” Donna gets to her feet. She thinks that this is the first time that she has ever spoken up for herself. But it doesn’t last, her spunk dies away as soon as Miranda takes a step forward.

“If she’s not junk then…” Mirinda quirks a brow and hovers Angie over the garbage can. “Why is she in the trash?”

Donna gulps. Just when she thinks that Angie is done for, the garbage can collides with Miranda. Donna catches Angie before she can meet the floor. The same cannot be said for Miranda who is well on her way to the very other end of the hallway.

“Alcina!” Donna perks up.

The woman stands boldly, with her hands on her hips, within the rays of sunlight streaming through the window. She extends her long arm and Donna takes her hand. Her skin glitters in the light of the sun. Donna’s eyes light up, Alcina is glittering all over. “You’re sparkling.” Donna comments. Of course it is only natural for a vampire to gleam.

Alcina rubs the back of her head, “yeah...art class.”

“Oh.”

“What do you mean oh?”

“I just thought...never mind.” She isn’t sure why she thought that vampires sparkled. “Thanks for saving Angie.”

Alcina nods. “Anytime.”

"How dare you!?" Claire asks.

Alcina pulls a basketball out of the void and chucks it at Claire. The girl yelps and scowls. "Just wait until I…"

Alcina retrieves the basketball and chucks it a second time. This time Claire scoffs and stomps away. Alcina picks up her basketball once more.

“Aren’t you worried that principal Nemesis is going to find out about this?” Donna shudders.

“I’m not worried about him. He likes me.”

Everyone likes Alcina, she is the school’s straight A student, basketball champion who also sings opera in the school choir and single handedly stacked every single chair after last year’s graduation assembly. Donna doesn’t know one thing that Alcina can’t do.

Donna hugs Angie to her chest, she doesn’t know why Alcina is bothering with such an average, run of the mill, super plain, and also a little clumsy person like her. “I don’t know why you’re bothering with such an average, run of the mill, super plain, and also a little clumsy person like me.” She says.

“You are adorable.” She pats Donna’s head. “Very small, very quiet. It is nice. Everyone else here is…” She glances around the hallway. One look reveals Karl shoving Moreau into his locker as he strums Baby Shark on his guitar, Ada Wong riding her skateboard straight into Leon who is drawing a penis on Ethan’s forehead as he tries to win his chess match, and Chris punching a boulder to block the entrance to the boy’s room.  

“I hate it here.” Alcina grumbles. “I should have went to that nice Catholic school that Mother Miranda picked out for me.”

In all of her years of attending Umbrella High, she still hasn’t been able to figure that one out. She is certain that Miranda, Alcina’s ultra strict and controlling mother and the school mean girl are the same person existing simultaneously, the same entity yet separate at the very same time.

It doesn’t matter; neither version of her is likeable. But at least Mean Girl Miranda doesn’t hold up ‘God hates Ethan Winters specifically’ signs and host Kool Aid testing parties every Sunday evening. It must be embarrassing for Alcina to know that her mother attends vaccination protests every Saturday--it dawns upon Donna that Alcina has probably contracted her ‘hereditary’ blood disease because Mother Mirada doesn’t allow her to get vaccinated.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what, Donna?”

“Your life. I would be devastated if my mom dedicated a whole day of the week to antagonize one specific person for no reason.”

“Oh, it isn’t just one person.” Alcina laughs. “She goes to Hobby Lobby every Tuesday to complain that the fabrics aren’t pre-assembled in her dress size.”  Having realized that it has no more use in this chapter, the basketball finally fades out of existence.

"That must be embarrassing."

Alcina shrugs. "What class were you heading to?"

"Lunch class."

"Wonderful. I for one can't wait for lunch, I heard that they're finally serving Jill Sandwich again. I'll walk you to the cafeteria."

Donna shakes her head, "Lunch class, not lunch. I forgot how to eat."

"Ah, okay." Alcina nods. "I will escort you to lunch class."

#Resident Evil #Alcina Dimitrescu #Donna Beneviento #Salvatore Moreau #Karl Heisenberg #Mother Miranda #Ethan Winters #Chris Redfield #Claire Redfield #Leon S Kennedy #Jill Valentine #Fanfiction

[oddlovergirl]

Giorno Giovanna Headcanons

Alright, here’s my headcanons on our Part 5 JoJo and golden boy, Giorno “GioGio” Giovanna ^_^

WARNING: There ARE spoilers and some examples of child neglect and abuse are mentioned. Please proceed with caution if you haven’t got very far into the series that is JoJo and/or have suffered from child neglect and abuse in the past.

-          Since Giorno was still a three-year-old toddler at the time when all members of the Joestar family awakened their Stands thanks to DIO, he was afflicted with the same curse that struck Holly and Josuke. The fact that his own mom was apathetic to his ordeal made it much worse.

-           A year before his mother married his stepfather, Giorno first discovered the picture of DIO that had fallen from his mom’s nightstand while playing a game of hide n’ seek (which is just his mother’s excuse to not play with her child). Though he had no idea who the guy in the picture is, it brought the kid much-needed comfort as that man in the photo has the same star-shaped birthmark as Giorno and started clinging onto the faint glimmer of hope of the guy being a much better person and parent, which is the reason he’s carrying the photo in his wallet (to think that meeting his biological father in person in Eyes of Heaven, both in Story Mode and Free Battle Mode, and seeing what he is truly like is a rather big let-down to Giorno).

-           I speculated that Giorno might be the mobster’s maternal nephew (y’know, the Mafioso whose lived was saved by Giorno and decided to help the boy with his crapsack childhood?). I don’t know why I think it might be the case, but I think the mobster might be related to Giorno as his maternal uncle, having lived in Italy with his divorced father before circumstances force him to become a Mafioso, with the man being against drugs due to the fact he used to live in Japan where there is a much firmer stance on drugs to the point that even the Yakuza viewed drug dealers as the lowest of the low. The mobster (who shall I name him Akimitsu, meaning “bright light” in Japanese to reference the fact that he was Giorno’s light in the boy’s dark past) was not aware that his sister (who shall I name Haruka) had moved to Italy with her husband (who shall I name Brutus) and son at first, but when he found out from an informant while recovering, Akimitsu decides to drop by to beat the stepdad to a pulp and give his sister a well-deserved stern talking-to, just before threatening Brutus that he will end him if he hits Giorno again.

-           After Brutus made the mistake of blaming his stepson and beating him to a pulp for being the reason the mobster forced him to stop abusing him, Akimitsu made good on his promise to end him, and because of this, the mobster decided to drop Giorno off at a Catholic orphanage where he would be well-cared for.

-           While Giorno IS the son of two British men (or more accurately speaking, one British man’s bodiless head attached to another British man with no head who had descended from a proud lineage of Highlander Warriors) and one Japanese woman, I do think that the awful, drunken shite-bag Dario Brando is an Italian immigrant since both “Dario” and “Brando” are both legitimately Italian, which makes Dio half-Italian, so I guess that technically makes Giorno quarter-Italian unbeknownst to himself and others.

-           When one of his hairs first turned from black to blonde, Giorno was reasonably confused. Is he dreaming or is this actually happening? Unaware of his father’s bloodline, he thought it was the result of severe stress. But remembering the photo of DIO, maybe this is hereditary? As the rest of hair started turning blonde, Giorno thought this is normal, but upon seeing his Stand for the first time and seeing what it can do so far, Giorno started to realize the cause for his hair turning blonde may be supernatural.

-           Even though the Mafioso he saved managed to put an end to the bullying the boy endured, Giorno is still lonely since his classmates are now terrified to be even near him out of fear of provoking his Mafioso protector into retaliating. Even at his boarding high school, his classmates are more like acquaintances to him since he’s busy building his criminal credentials to join Passione. This makes Team Bucciarati, starting first with Bruno Bucciarati and Guido Mista, his first real friends in a very long time.

-           When Team Bucciarati is given the escort mission of delivering Trish to the Boss, Giorno forged a letter to his boarding school that he had to deal with a family emergency. Since Giorno became the Don of Passione at the end of Part 5, I think he had forged a letter to his boarding school that he’ll be transferring out to a different school.

-           After Giorno became the Don of Passione, he had a chance encounter with his childhood hero (and uncle) Akimitsu, who ended up becoming one of the few people to know that Giorno is really Diavolo’s replacement. To be frank, Akimitsu was stunned to find out that the boy he helped had become a Mafioso but is nonetheless proud to know that Giorno ended the drug trade. Throughout the whole thing, Giorno is stoic on the outside but on the inside he’s like an excited fanboy exuberant to see his idol again after so long.

-           Giorno may be a serious and collected individual, but he’s still a fifteen-year-old boy at heart. He may think he can handle whatever life throws at him, but there is only so much he can realistically handle before he cracks. On a lighter note, Giorno couldn’t help but snicker at some of the inappropriate jokes usually told by Mista.

-           When Giorno learned about his biological father DIO from Polnareff, he was understandably horrified to learn that he was born to a monster not unlike Diavolo. He does get the consolation that the body DIO stole and used to sire him belonged to a morally righteous man that is Jonathan Joestar, but even then, Giorno was really worried that the spirit of Jonathan would be disgusted with him just for existing as DIO’s spawn before Polnareff assured Giorno that Jonathan is proud to have him here, especially since Giorno just overthrown the vile Diavolo and change Italy for the better.

-           Regarding the Pucci situation in Stone Ocean, it was stated by Araki that Giorno and co. were on their way to stop him when the universal reset happened. The original Stone Ocean manga ran from 2003-2004, which is seven years before the dubiously-canon Purple Haze Feedback was published in 2011, which had Giorno working alongside the Speedwagon Foundation. This is where things started to get rather iffy in that this would conflict with the main storyline since if being part of the Speedwagon Foundation is truly the case, then Giorno should’ve been alerted about Pucci and easily put a stop to him with Gold Experience Requiem. Putting that into consideration, I believe that there is a possibility that Giorno (who has been told that Pucci worked for his father DIO) arrived to Miami on March 17 (which is a day after Jotaro got his Memory Disc back and recovered) with the intention to defeat Pucci, with Mista assisting him. Unfortunately for Giorno and Mista, Pucci used Whitesnake to incapacitate them both, giving the priest free reign to achieve heaven in DIO’s eyes.

#jojo #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo golden wind #jojo vento aureo #Vento Aureo #Golden Wind #JJBA Vento Aureo #jjba golden wind #JJBA #jjba spoilers #jjba part 5 #jojo part 5 #Giorno Giovanna #giogio #jjba headcanons #jojo headcanons #cw child abuse mention #cw child neglect mention

[whatwouldmindykdo]

I wrote a little something about coming to terms with my sexuality and thought I’d share it here...

For as long as I can remember I’ve dreamt of my wedding day. As soon as I was able to comprehend the concept of wedding and marriage it became my only goal, my ultimate achievement: I wanted, I needed to get married. This would make me successful and prove my worthiness. I would be happy forever. And so, for years, I’d spend hours imagining the magical day: the dress, of course, and its designer, the venue, the guests, the music, the menu, the bridal party, the decor. And of course, the groom. Because it was always a groom. However, I would find it extremely difficult to imagine him. I could think of qualities I would look for in a partner, but that was it. Looking back now, I think that, more than any of these things, what I dreamt of was being loved and being in love. I was just hoping to find the kind of unconditional love I grew up surrounded by. Not a person but a feeling. An ideal. 

I grew up in what you would probably call a liberal family. My parents are very open-minded, left-wing voters and I grew up having political debates at the dinner table. But it was always about tolerance. Every love is love, they would say. Everyone deserves to be happy, they would say.

This, however, was not true for them growing up. Both my parents grew up in working class families and worked their way into the middle class. As liberal as my parents are, their own parents were rather conservative in thought. 

My father’s parents had grown up on farms. Their own parents, my great-grandparents, lived a life I cannot even begin to comprehend. After the Second World War, as life was changing everywhere, and especially in the countryside, my grandparents left for the city (well, a city, not THE city) to work in factories. They were deeply religious and my father was raised a Catholic. However, he also enjoyed great freedom. He was free to come and go, almost as he wished, to play with his brother and friends. He was free not to work in school, drop out after middle school and go on to work with his father. Which he did, for a while, until he realized he didn’t want to do that his entire life. In other words, he was free to fail, and try again. Would it had been the same thing had he been a girl? We will never know, as he was one of two boys. 

My mother, on the other hand, was not. Her grandparents had been mining workers, as almost everyone in the area. Her own parents had been saved from this life, and pushed to look for work in other industries. They had married young and my mother was the eldest of two. Her parents were heavily involved in political and union movements, pushing for workers’ rights. This gave her an awareness of the political situation and an ideal of what is achievable when you work for it. My mother, however, is also a woman. And as such, her parents expected her to behave a certain way. 

She was expected to be the perfect little girl. Calm, pretty, smiling. Not to take too much space. Do well in school. Be polite. And so my mother tried her best to be this ideal girl. She excelled in school, practiced many sports, and took it upon herself to keep the family together and happy. She eventually went on to work and had to move out to another city, but always close to family as she was sharing an apartment with her aunt. When she found another job closer to her parents, she moved back home. Eventually, she met my father. They dated for a couple of years, but moving in together was unfathomable. Not before marriage. And that’s how my parents ended up married without having ever lived together, something I honestly find quite hard to imagine. Her brother, on the other hand, lived a life closer to my dad’s. He could not roam the streets or drop out of school but he did leave high school without graduating, moving out to work away and never looked back. He introduced many girlfriends to his parents before eventually having a child and getting married, in that order. 

My parents would probably tell you that they raised me and my brother the same way. That not more was expected of me. That I could do the exact same thing he did. And to some extent that is true. We were both expected to excel in school. To be polite and respectful. We were both told we could dream of being whoever we wanted to be. But what had been instilled to my mother was also, somehow, perhaps more sneakily, taught to me. I also had to be the perfect little girl, no excuses. The one that doesn’t move. The one that doesn’t scream or make a scene. The one that helps at home. As Michelle Cliff says in Notes on Speechlessness, ‘I am reminded that a great compliment of my childhood was: ‘she’s such a quiet girl’’.

Instead of rebelling against this system I made it mine: it was my way of taking up space. My way of being remarkable. I was expected to excel at school: I was top of the class. I was expected to be calm and discreet: I would literally never speak. Even today it takes a lot for me to be able to do things I know my parents disapprove. Because I have built myself through others’ approval, and then who am I once they don’t approve? 

What does that have to do with being a lesbian, you may wonder. See, I knew about lesbians. I knew about gays. It was not entirely unknown to me. I saw them on the news, we talked about them at home. But no one in my family was gay, lesbian or part of the LGBTQI+ community, at least not openly. That was not what we did. As much as my family rebelled against capitalistic society, we were expected to conform in certain areas, and this was one. We, as a family, are heterosexuals. And so I unconsciously associated being a good girl to being heterosexual. 

I don’t remember the first time I heard of the LGBTQI+ community, nor do I remember the first time I had a crush on a girl. I am quite sure she was my primary school best friend. I very clearly remember wondering whether I was in love with her or whether that was just how you felt for your best friend (hint: I kinda knew the answer). And so, little me moved on with life. Eventually the feeling wore out, and there was a very intense and dramatic fall out. But that was it, no more questions about my sexuality. Not until I was well into my teenage years, at least. When I made it to university I had began what I would call my transformative journey, learning extensively about feminism, inclusivity and human rights. I was passionate about these subjects and wanted to learn more, and more. I surrounded myself with people who were open-minded, teaching me about these very topics, and, for some of them, part of the LGBTQI+ community. At about this time I began identifying as pansexual or bisexual. I have never been really sure about this. There was no major coming out though. I just stated here and there that I thought love was about a person and their soul, not their gender. Even though I was identifying as pansexual / bisexual, the doubt never really left. I felt ill-at-ease with the identification. Maybe I’m not into labels, I’d think. Maybe. 

Deep down, I knew. I think I’d always known. I would get major crushes on women in films and TV shows. Maybe that’s just identification. I could hardly imagine being in a relationship with a man. Maybe I just haven’t met THE one. I would feel uncomfortable whenever a man flirted with me. Maybe I’m just not into him. 

I just couldn’t imagine being a lesbian. And that’s not to say that I could fathom the very existence of lesbians. I knew they existed, I had a friend as they say. I truly believed that all love is love. What I couldn’t accept was that I was a lesbian. How could I not like men? Good girls like men. Good girls are straight. Good girls get married TO A MAN, and have children WITH A MAN. No way. I must be pansexual. Or bisexual. Not lesbian. 

Funnily enough, the pandemic was a big transitional time for me. I was able to truly connect with myself. Away from the world and the mundanities of everyday life, focusing on what really matters for the first time, I came to a realization. I do not like men. I do not find pleasure in imagining a relationship with a man. This realization was validated by experience. I signed up on a dating app (what??? I know, don’t judge). My immediate reaction was to set up my preferences to women  only (that should have been another hint right?!). However, almost immediately I changed those preferences to everyone (men and women). Why? Because, I thought, by excluding men I might miss out on the one (he’s always somewhere). What if I miss on the opportunity of happily ever after because I renounce to dating half of humanity? And oh boy did I regret that. I was instantly contacted by half the male population of my surroundings (the joys of being on a dating app) and it really felt like it was not for me. I was feeling miserable rather than happy, anxious rather than excited. I switched back to women only and I have felt safer and more myself ever since. 

I guess you could say that I have been feeling rather at peace with who I am. I have come out to a few (selected) friends, in the least dramatic way possible (well, they also are the least dramatic women I know). There remains the question, however, of coming out to family. Because although I have come to term with being a lesbian, I am still scared AF when it comes to coming out to my family and the main reason is: what if I am not lesbian after all (eye roll emoji)? The real reason, though, is that I know that as open-minded as my parents are, a coming out also means a period of adaptation, of understanding what it means exactly. And for someone like me who hates both confrontation and disappointing this feels like a big deal. Selfishly, I wish someone had been there before in my family. That I would not be the first. The trailblazer. The odd one out. The lesbian aunt. But then, I think of my little cousins. And how I could be that person for them. If I allow myself past the fear. 

Thing is, I also truly believe that I will not be able to be fully happy until I come out. I will not be truly happy until I can be who I am fully, knowing that the people who accept it are the ones who love me, for real. But what if that means losing my grandfather? What if it means that people will literally never stop talking about it? 

As much as I have talked about the hardships of coming out and coming to terms with my sexuality, I will also mention that coming to terms with this reality has been a huge relief. It has opened me to a world where love and inclusion are legion. A world where you are accepted for who you truly are. It has given me role models, values and a political awareness that I probably would not have had otherwise. In other words, being lesbian is a blessing because it is who I am, fully. And when I get to be this person, I can finally start to breathe. I can finally start to live. 

My problem lies with mainstream culture and the way it portrays lesbian relationships. I have grown up with the ability of seeing gay couples loving each other, hating each other, flirting, breaking up. Mainstream media and popular culture have very much romanticized gay relationships. What of lesbian relationships then? The reality is completely different. And how could it not be when Instagram still censored the ‘lesbians’ hashtag two weeks ago? When we only have The L Word as a reference? Where on TV and in films have lesbians been given the space and time to actually develop a relationship except in that show? And I’m not even talking about the perfect, happy relationship. Just any relationship. More than 3 minutes of screen time. You’ll have to agree that this is rather recent. 

How different would my life have been if I had seen lesbian couples on TV? How different would my life have been if people had not shied away from lesbian relationships? It is time for pop culture to be inclusive of our people. Little girls need this representation. They need to know that this kind of love exists, is normal, and brings fulfillment. I wish this had been my reality so that I wouldn’t have been mad when Casey from Atypical dumps her boyfriend to explore her relationship with Izzie. Because then perhaps I wouldn’t have been mad at her for doing that. I wouldn’t have been mad at Izzie for being honest. Because that is how deeply rooted my fear of being a lesbian was: I was mad at these two women for having the courage to explore their feelings and be true to themselves, when Casey could have had the perfect ending with Evan. And that is not ok. I need to let go of the idea that the perfect life means being in a heterosexual relationship. Because I know that this is not for me. This will not bring me fulfillment. 

#lesbian #lgbtqplus #about me #sexuality #coming out? #gays of tumblr

[fortitudina]

                DETAILED CHARACTER BIO QUESTIONS.

Name: Cillian Diarmuid Brockhurst ( Kye-Lan )

Nickname(s): Ci ( Kye ), Brocky, Snipes.

Name significance/meaning: Cillian ~ This name has several known meanings, including “war,” “strife,” and “bright-headed.” The word cille also means “associated with the church,” so the name is often associated with the word “church” or “monastery.”

Gender: Male

Age: 32

Birthday: 11th November

Deathday: ~

Star Sign/Astrology Sign/Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Location: Los Angeles

Birthplace: Los Angeles

Ethnicity: Irish-American

Nationality: American

Race: Caucasian

Physical Appearance: Clean cut and well presented average height male with brunette hair and blue eyes.

Skin Tone: Sandy-Tan ( https://www.schemecolor.com/skin-pastels.php )

Complexion: fair, smooth & soft.

Eye Color: Old World Blue ( x )

Natural Hair Color: Brunette

Height: 5’10” / 1.78m

Weight: 77kg / 169 lbs / 12st 12lbs

Body Type: Mesomorph

Build: Muscular / Athletic

Posture: Healthy [ x ]

Birthmarks: Strawberry mark on his right hip.

Scars: Gunshot scar on the right side of his chest & left side of the hip region of his abdomen. Stabbing scar to his abdomen and one on the back on the right hip area. One on the back of his neck.

Left Handed/Right Handed/Ambidextrous: Right handed

Age Character Appears to Others: 32

Dyed Hair Color: undyed

Usual Hairstyle: Short

Tattoos: Army tattoo on right bicep

Piercings: none

Makeup Style: ~

Clothing Style: Smart-casual

Clothing Size:  Chest ~ 32inches / Waist ~ 26inches / Hips ~ 32inches

Shoe Style:  Steel-toed boots, sneakers, oxfords.

Shoe Size: 10

Nail Appearance: short, well kept.

Eyebrow Shape: Straight ( x )

Features: Soft features overall; perfectly symmetrical 

Face Shape: Oval

Facial Hair: Light stubble

Voice: Deep

Distinguishing Feature: Smile

Extrovert or Introvert: Ambivert

Personality Traits: Cheeky, Compassionate, Loyal

MBTI Personality: ESFJ-A

Optimist or Pessimist: Optimist

Temperament: Cheeky disposition

Mood: Cheerful

Attitude: Positive

Strengths: Caring, Kind, Giving

Flaws: Blunt, Hero Complex, Brash

Mannerisms: Smirking, quirking of eyebrow, cheeky grins

Habits: fiddling with pens or small objects

Morning Person or Night Owl: Morning person

Pet Peeves: idiots, bad lying, loud eaters, slow people ( walking etc )

Favorite Sin: Gluttony

Favorite Virtue: Patience

Weakness: Loved ones or friends & colleagues getting hurt / involved.

Strengths: Sharp-shooter, Skilled hand-to-hand combat.

Expressiveness: strong use of both facial expressions and hand movements.

Ruled by Heart or Mind: A little bit of both; more heart though.

Mindset: Positive

Philosophy:  “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit”

Motivated by: Food, Justice, Happiness.

Everyday Speech: “The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.”

Life Motto: “Don't count the days, make the days count.”

Energy Level: High

Memory Level: Eidetic (Photographic) Memory

Disabilities: none

Phobias: Incredibly small spaces. 

Addictions: Does pizza and poptarts count?

General aptitude: Fluid Intelligence

Mental Strengths: Problem-Solving, Psychoanalysis, 

Mental Weakness: Not a Genius 

Physical Strengths: Physically fit, keen hand-eye coordination, 

Physical Weakness: weakened cervical vertebrae from an old injury during a tour in Afghanistan

Past Illnesses: Chicken pox twice as a kid

Major Surgeries: Surgery to pin his cervical spine. Surgery to remove various bullets.

Accidents: Had several bumps and scrapes whilst at work.

Stability: Very Stable

Allergies: Pollen, Shellfish

Job Title: Detective

Company: LAPD

Career Type: Police

Education: High School, Military, Police Academy

College: ~

Work Ethic: Hard-working

Job History: Sniper in the Army, Beat Cop, Detective.

Income: $74,000 per anum

Political Party/Organizations: Doesn’t do politics

Volunteer Work: Helps at the Veteran’s housing association.

Dream job: Got it

What job would s/he do poorly at: Doctor

Career satisfaction: Love the job

Diet: Coffee and any food easy to grab on the go

Favorite Foods: Poptarts, Barbecue-based, Chicago stuffed crust pizza.

Favorite Drinks: Coffee, Beer, Cranberry juice.

Favorite Movie: Top Gun

Favorite Music: doesn’t really have a favourite

Favorite Book: doesn’t have time to read

Favorite Place: Does bed count?

Favorite activities: Running, Shooting, Cooking

Favorite time of day: Morning

What makes them happy? Catching the bad guys, seeing friends & family happy.

What makes them sad? Losing someone close to them.

Hobbies: Shooting, Running, Cooking, Singing

Interests: Films, Artwork

Favorite animal: Hyena

Loves to do: Wind people up and be cheeky

Hates to do: Paperwork

Inspired by: Former Army Colleagues

Raised by: (family) Mother and Father

Parent Status: Married ~ alive

Mother’s Name: Siobhan Marie Brockhurst

Mother’s Age: 63

Mother’s Background: Irish

Father’s Name: Patrick James Brockhurst

Father’s Age: 68

Father’s Background: American

Relationship with Mother: Close

Relationship with Father: Okay..

Parenting Type: Strict

Only Child? One of Three

First Born, Middle Child, or Youngest? Middle

# of Siblings: Second of three siblings

Relationship with Siblings: Close to brother; Distant with sister

Extended Family: ~

Family Relations: ~

How has family life shaped the character? Helped to both break him and make him who he is today

What they like most about their family: They will all get together for holidays and birthdays

What they dislike most about their family: The religious side

Children: Nil

Pets: Two Dogs

Best Friend(s): Doesn’t have one.

Worst Enemy: ~

Many acquaintances or few close friends? Few close friends

Sexual Preference: Any

Orientation: Pansexual

Relationship Status: Verse Dependent 

Marital Status: Verse Dependent

First Love: Carlie Anne Vaugn 

Current Love or Aspiring Love: Verse Dependent.

Notable Ex-Lovers: Azrael Mortem

Top 3 Loved Ones: ~

Top 3 Disliked Ones: ~ 

Who knows the character best? Eoghan, his brother or Lupita, his work partner.

Childhood: Cillian had a fairly stable upbringing; his parents in a strong marriage and with an older brother to help teach him the ropes, Cillian did well during his early school years and thrived in all of his subjects.

Adolescence: As he got to high school, he joined the football and soccer teams; being rather sporty as a child meant his fitness was impeccable. When he finished High school, instead of going to college, Cillian got in with the wrong crowd and ended up being arrested for Breaking and Entering and several counts of theft.

Young Adult: Went through Military training then, Cillian’s Regiment was sent to Afghanistan where they served three tours before he was shot in the Line of Duty after going through Hell being tortured with one of his comrades.

Adult: After being medically discharged from the army, Cillian took a year out for convalescence before joining LAPD. Given his history with the army, he soon shot up through the ranks until he became a Detective. He will also play the role of Police Sniper/marksman if they have to go into particularly tough situations that require an overwatch. 

Moments/Experiences that shaped them: Getting into the wrong crowd after High school. Being sent into the Army. Being captured and tortured during his final tour in Afghanistan. 

How have they changed as a person throughout their life? He has matured a considerable amount and become regimented and organised as an adult, with a respect for the law and bringing justice.

Major regrets: Getting involved with who he did as a teenager and ending up getting arrested.

Biggest life lessons learned: Don’t get arrested.

Religious Beliefs: Catholic

Upbringing: Strict & Religious

Core Values: Dependability, Consistency, Loyalty, Reliability, Integrity.

Morals: Always tell the truth, Treat others as you want to be treated, Be dependable, Be forgiving, Have integrity, Take responsibility for your actions, Have patience, Be loyal, Have respect for yourself and others

What does s/he believe is evil? The force in nature that governs and gives rise to wickedness and sin.

What does s/he believe is good? Morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; pious

Risks Worth Taking: Those that keep both the city and loved ones safe.

Important milestones: Making Lieutenant in the army. Reaching Detective in LAPD. NOT DYING whilst in both the Army or LAPD.

Achievements: The Purple Heart as a result of his capture & suffering endured during that time.

Failures: Getting Arrested as a teenager

Lifestyle: Busy

Character Traits: Hard-working, Brave, Compassionate, Honest, Successful, Fighter, Mischievous, Thoughtful, Sassy, Humorous, Helpful, Independent, Loyal, Courageous, Responsible.

Culture: 

Main Goal: Have a long and happy life, full of hard work, fun and family.

Minor Goal: Drive the damn car at work.

Desire: There are several.

Biggest mistakes: Getting in with the wrong crowd.

Life lessons: Not everyone is going to like you.

Dream Life: The one I have now

Worst Nightmare: The Hell I endured whilst on my final tour.

Favorite Memories: Winding my brother up. Making Detective. 

Least favorite memories: Getting Tortured

Things they want in life: Family. Love. Fun.

Things they don’t want in life: Suffering. Pain. Heartache.

What obstacles are currently in their way? Work.

Any secrets: Yes, but if you think he’s going to tell anyone, you’re idiotic.

Worldview: It’s just a little bit fucked.

Personal Hero:  Former Sergeant Major. 

Internal Conflict: Questioning if he’s good enough for his job at times.

External Conflict: Seeing the scars upon his body and being reminded of each event; wishing he could get rid of them all.

What others think of them: Fun and loveable; a genuine and caring guy. 

What they think of themselves: an idiot; not good enough. 

What they wish they could change: What they did in the past.

What they wish they could have: less strict father.

What gets them fired up: Liars. Suspects who think they’re clever. 

Their definition of a good life: A steady job with a family and friends surrounding them.

Risks worth taking: Anything that keeps both family and friends safe.

Things they take for granted: Coffee. Beer. Time at times.

What inspires them: Seeing justice get served. 

What they have doubts about: being good enough.

What makes them feel alive: The thrill of the chase.

What makes them want to do better: Any case they do not solve / Criminal that doesn’t get a guilty charge.

What do they want to be remembered for? Being a good and loyal man.

How will the character change? He might become a husband or a father? Perhaps even Lieutenant or Captain of LAPD some day.

#* CILLIAN { HEADCANON }

[gunkyengines]

4, 7, and 9, for the s/i questions if you're still taking them!

Ohhhh my gods @jetsetspy I’m so sorry for answering this question so late ;-; My answers are under the cut!

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

Bellamy doesn’t have much of a backstory just yet, but I do know this:

·         Their family isn’t a huge part of their life, aside from a younger sibling, who, to this day, I have not yet named.

·         They want a sense of belonging somewhere, and have a number of self-image complications (it’s not really a set of “issues” to them, because they’ve found comfort in their body and self over time, but they still have wishes about what they could be seen as—androgyny is a tough line to straddle).

·         They hate the nickname “Bella”.

·         Bells, as far as I’m concerned right now, finds their sense of belonging amongst the ‘Bros ever since they just sorta started… tagging along, I guess? It was just an act of good will from the prince and his guards and a bit of hitchhiking on Bells’ end that got them where they are now.

·         They were originally a bit of a vagabond prior to meeting up with the guys. Hitchhiking, walking absurdly long distances, camping out often, all that jazz.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

Junko is a character who I largely based off of my late-high school self for both self insertion and coping reasons, but a few things do set her apart from me. As in, she’s a pretty close approximation, but by no means is she a direct, direct copy of me.

She’s a student at Kosei Academy, simply due to the fact that I read on the wiki that it’s speculated to be a catholic school (I was brought up in the catholic education system, so, I could find some accuracy and likeness in that), and attended meetings at both the drama and art club there. She has bitter memories of the two clubs, as she was betrayed by the one major figure in both: her childhood friend Hideo Sunjaya. Since then, she’s taken to expressing her creative outlets in circles outside of her student life, and finds her passion in writing. At the time of Persona 5 canon, she’s set on becoming an editor. In the future canon, she does in fact achieve this goal. In this way Junko’s less of a model of who I was, and instead she’s what I hope to be.

She comes from a somewhat broken home, but has a strong relationship with her mother. Despite her current disconnect, Junko feels that she owes it to her parents that she has such a good understanding of her own identity, as they were supportive when she first came out as sapphic, and continued their support when she decided to be GNC and soon after came into her identity as a demigirl.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

Lizzie is a pretty lighthearted simulacrum of a more feminine version of me, translated loosely into the scope of the year 1899. I’m by no means a historian, but here’s Lizzie’s life.

Elizabeth Beaufort is a born and raised resident of the town of Valentine. Her mother is whatever the RDR2 universe’s equivalent of Quebecois French is, having moved to Saint Denis due to a family matter down there, and subsequently met her father. A Valentine resident himself, he beguiled her mother and convinced her to move to Valentine and live as the wife of a livestock owner (he comes from some blue blood ‘round those parts—as mentioned by the VDL in Chapter 2, the town is a goldmine of trade).

As a lady of relative privilege, life was… well, it was what a privileged life is. Sheltered, simple, and for the most part pretty damned easy. However, her naivete wasn’t something that her mother would stand to see Elizabeth keep, as she wanted a strong daughter who wouldn’t simply bend to the hand of tradition. Would I say that Lizzie would’ve most certainly rallied with those girls in Rhodes? YES. I’d rather die than portray any iteration of myself as complacent rather than progressive lmao. Elizabeth Beaufort flows in the vein of RDR2’s… I guess, progressive* writing? More** on that below, I guess???

*I don’t actually know how well it was received by everyone else, and honestly, I’m not even gonna try to speak on anyone else’s behalf but my own—I found that RDR2, despite some shortcomings, made itself a relatively hospitable environment for me as a white queer.

** Lizzie does struggle a lot with her internalized homophobia? Like… she had a lot of difficulty when she was younger coming to terms with the fact that she’s bisexual. This is less prevalent in her backstory considering it only ever surfaces post-canon. Yes, my SI and her FO came out to each other at random after being married to him for approximately 3 months. And it went fuckin’ great cos guess what!! Theyre both bi!! WLW/MLM solidarity!!! Don’t @ me.

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley was brought up amongst a gang of outlaws, and her being born a woman changed nothing about the things she was taught by said gunslingers. She left the group she once called family because of the leadership turning sour. From that point forward she went it alone, shifting in and out of her identity as Gilley Wright and her masculine persona (a pseudonym-turned-identity) Giles Kingsley, to keep herself straddling notoriety and anonymity.

·         Gilley only started wearing her hair short because of an encounter in which her longer hair was used as a means to pull her back into harm’s way. She lopped it off shortly after out of the feeling that it was a necessity, but soon found that she preferred it that way.

·         Thaddeus, her large draft horse, once pulled carts. She took him during a robbery so that she’d have an adequate mount for her getaway. The connection was instant between them.

Taeko Atou – Tokyo Ghoul OC

Taeko went by another name before her time in the 20th ward. She had another face, another life. But that was a self she had to leave far, far behind. Before “Taeko”, she was a reckless twentysomething ghoul living off of her father’s money, basking in the upper echelons of society, indulging in Scrapper shows and seeing humanity as nothing but an unprepared buffet. The danger ranking on her CCG profile demonstrated as much.

One night, however, her cushy life changed drastically. She went out drinking after a Scrapper show with one of her friends and decided to go hunting with her. Things were as usual, they stayed in their territory, but ended up getting apprehended by a group of Doves. During the getaway, her and her friend were separated, and she had no way of knowing whether her friend was alive. Drunk, desperate, and rather terrified, she decided to abandon all else and ripped her mask off to taunt the officers. They deserved to see her face, covered in gore and as ghoulish as they came! Nothing mattered to her at that point and she wanted to give them a scare…!

That is, until the next morning, when she recovered from her hangover and realized what she’d done. One of those Doves got a picture of her. In a panic, she called her father to ask for some sort of mercy money to clear the issue up. He’s frustrated with her constantly getting into increasingly worse trouble and tells her this: he’s going to pay for her to completely change her identity and her face so that she can move elsewhere, completely out of the way of harm. After that, he’d be cutting her off, leaving her with only the savings that she had prior to the cut-off. No more handouts.

This is when she became Taeko Atou, a pseudonym based off of her Scrapper show guest alias, “Miss AT”, and moved to the 20th ward. She has to adjust to average life a la Schitt’s Creek or Arrested Development.

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Bells LOVES anything that’ll make them look cute and androgynous. They’re super partial to a femme prince aesthetic. Blouses and linens and vests and suspenders and a bunch of that cute shit. (Yes, this is my preferred fashion style and I wish I could look like that all the time.) They’re also into stuff like your average sundresses and such when it’s too hot for “princey” attire because hell yeah.

·         They’d hate to wear… hm… short party dresses? Cocktail dresses n shit. (No shade to those tho theyre cute. Just not Bellamy’s style.)

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Junko’s super masc and butch in her presentation, binds her chest, does the simple graphic tee + jeans thing a lot. Think “Kanji Tatsumi but a lesbian”.

·         She lowkey doesn’t like wearing overly feminine clothes, like, she does not vibe with dresses.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Lizzie is pretty standard when it comes to clothes: blouses and skirts, dresses, all just… really basic stuff. She likes simple and solid colours, maybe simple patterns. She’s also like… very cottagecore. Probably likes overalls if she ever wears ‘em?? I’m not a frickin’ historian and I’m not gonna google early 1900s clothes styles at this hour don’t @ me.

·         This is literally just because I’m basic as all fuck and I like a skirt/blouse or sundress style outfit. I don’t wear it often but that’s my jazz y’know?

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley’s another one of my more boyish characters. She doesn’t deliberately go out of her way to look like a man unless she’s under the guise of her male persona Giles Kingsley. But let me tell you—she goes all out for those occasions, even electing to simulate stubble on her face with cosmetics. Think “cowboy drag king” and you’ll hit the mark.

·         Other than that, she just wears whatever’s convenient and comfortable.

 9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?

As dumb as this sounds I completely burnt out after writing only 2 self insert likes/interests profiles, forgive me lol.

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Favourite Food: Bells is indecisive, but they will gladly eat anything Ignis puts in front of them. They’re thoroughly convinced he uses magic in his cooking. (They’re only half joking about that—it’s so good!) If they were made to decide a top three, it’d likely be Garden Curry, Broiled King on a Stick, and Moogle Mousse with Kupoberry Sauce. Honorable mention being Gyashi Chips (yes, they like what’s effectively Eosian kale chips).

·         Favourite Colours: ANYTHING PASTEL will win Bellamy over, along with any colour considered light and airy. White, silver, pale green, soft gold, baby blue, lavender, and also whatever the sky has going on at any given time of the day—they’re an aesthetic little shit.

·         Favourite Activities: Travelling, leisure shopping when funds allow it (if given the means, Bellamy will 100% engage in excessive retail therapy, no joke), swimming, loving their friends, talking about books and music, gardening, and (I know this sounds vain but bear with me) preening. Yes, they’d be a vlogger in another life. Don’t @ me

·         Bells loves to talk in excess about what they like, and on occasion, when words fail, they tend to express it through squealing, jumping, etc. If someone points out how passionate Bells is about these things, they’ll end up flustered and ask the person if they could continue. I guess you could say Bellamy stims? I’m not diagnosed with anything, so take this with a grain of salt, but I do have stimming habits.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Favourite Food: Junko’s pretty partial to miso soup. It’s one of her weaknesses. Total comfort food. (Bro I fuckin’ love miso soup.) As well as baked goods like cupcakes.

·         Favourite Colours: Red, black, silver, pink, blue, purple.

·         Favourite Activities: drawing (sketches, scribbles, doodles, colouring, etc., singing, baking/cooking, writing, and she learned to love gardening after getting close to Haru.

·         Junko tends to show her happiness through verbal and artistic expression, she’s also the type that tends to crack jokes (mostly shitty puns followed up by finger guns).

Again, thank you so much for asking, thank you so much for asking! QwQ Asks are still open, everyone.

#ocs #oc #oc/canon #oc x canon #self shipping #shut up gunky #self insert #f/o #fictional other #FFXV #RDR2 #P5 #P5tR #Self Insert Development Ask Game #Self Insert Development Ask Meme #GK #Golden Kamuy #Final Fantasy XV #Persona 5 #Persona 5 the Royal #P5R #selfshipping #self shipping community #MHA #My Hero Academia #Tokyo Ghoul #TG #TG:RE

[strawberrywonderland]

Why be a teacher? why teach ?

The harder you work for something, the greater you’ll feel when you achieve it. -Brian Tracy 

Everyone in this world have different dreams, some want to become a doctor, a nurse, an engineer, an architect , a seaman and even a teacher. And I am one of those. But some people other way around, do not plans of pursuing their dreams because they are experiencing financial problem, family ,drug addiction,age. And there are some that even how hard the burden/load they are carrying still they have the courage to pursue. “Never give up for your dreams” as the saying goes. Like me, why I choose to  be a teacher someday it is because in the first place my mother who is my mentor is a teacher and that I want to take a part in shaping students mentally and emotionally. 

When I was little girl, I used to accompany my mother wherever she went especially in school so I really observed what she was doing. I  really admired her on how she handled everything in school being a teacher, a school GSP coordinator, a program coordinator and even a teacher that was the one who led the teachers for was a master teacher then, she was really very patient towards her work and hard working that she even went home very late at night just to finish her work without any complain at all. I said to my self then “ When I grow up, I will be like MAMA”. Till the time that I finished my elementary grades, I was enrolled in a private school ran by Catholic Sisters. My mother was my great motivator to really pursue my studies, I really worked hard till I finished my high school years.  

Confusion came to my mind when I was about to enter college because I changed my mind of what course I would like to pursue, it was to become a nurse which was away from my first like. I asked my mother if I  will be permitted to enroll nursing but she told me that she could not afford  with that course. So then as a good daughter I had to obey her.I enrolled in one of the colleges  with the course BEED. Happy but not contented of my decision until I with Mama that time met her former department head Mrs. Fabros. My mother introduced me to her telling that I was a college student and presently enrolling BEED, she was very happy and told my mother to specialize Special Education or Early Childhood, I heard every single word she said. It was then, 100 o/o decision made “ Teacher I will be”. So I focused on my decision .... I studied hard till  I experienced  something that made me stopped from schooling. After 2 years I transferred to the school where I am now.  I continued with the course that I  wanted.And I am happy in my decision and now I enjoy it everyday with my friends. 9 months from now God’s willing, I will say I AM A TEACHER, willing to be a part of the DepEd family.  

[tenaciouscupcaketaco]

1989-2020 Poetic Work Of Mario William Vitale

1989-2020 Poetic Work Of Mario William Vitale (Manuscript of Poet Mario William Vitale) From 1993-1997 - Attended State University in Connecticut,Attempted plays : Tartuffe, Miracle Of St. Anthony and Balm in Gieade,( His poetic aspirations had in 1989 from submitting his first poem entitled, "Remembrance Of A Loved One"- (Sparrowgrass Poetry Forum)Next from 1989-1997 ( Wrote primarily for Poetry.com and The International Library Of Poetry),* Received editors choice award in 1997 for poem, " A Beacon Of Light ",(1998) Sent poetic manuscript to N.Y. Time Magazine and Chief Editor " John Hyland".Back with rave reviews !* ( From 1999-2008:Had adapted a real keen sense of style for writing poetry: ( 1999- Sent Editorial to:New Man Magazine for the Passion of Christ Movie;Sent followup letter to company with poetry platform information attached,* 2000-2007 : Magazine : ( Catholic) Maries Rose Ferron Magazine submitted poem" Beacon Of Light", which had excellent editorial reviews as the outset !2008- Wrote poem entitled: ( The Heavy Cross) to Poetry.com* Achieved Poetry status of work of Excellence in writing from the Academy Of American Poetry in which still having received rank and status as a member of Academy;* ( The Connecticut Poetry Society)* Short story submitted entitled, "China Dog Ray" submitted to Virginia WritersQuarterly, West Virginia, Also having member status on their board of Poetry.* ( Attribute Poetry to an ever increasing love of God and his unconditional love that he has for us in return,Thankfulness toward family and friends.( To our past ancestors who fought to uphold freedom that far too many of us take for granted ?One needs a pure heart that's fixed on truth,This is in order to withstand the true great test of time !Life is way too short,Press toward the goal or mark of our high calling that is in Christ Jesus The Lord !~My contempoarry artists include that of ellan Bryant Voight, Kay Ryan and carl Phillips.Which all three are Participants in the Academy Of American Poetry.* Having been a member since 2006,My work reflects the likes of past poets such as C.S.Lewis, Hawthorne and edgar Allen Poe.Most of my work reflects with the values of religious beliefs intact,( In my personal view it is essential in demonstrating a real heart of creativepassion !The reader I believe will benefit by my artistic style of development in a verypositive light.)To further the need for poetry to become more main stream, Mario Vitale was born in Bristol , Ct Has developed a skill for writing poetry in the free verse form. has been featured on Hubpages.com, Starlitecafe.com & Poetry soup. Vitale lives with his elderly mother Ann Soulier in Wolcott, Ct. Currently has written well over 1,000 poems & 2 short story's toward credit platform. Vitale has taken the poetic world by storm being featured on Google, Yahoo & MSN. Looks up to contemporaries in the poetry industry such as John Ashbery & Major Jackson. Has been a favorite featured poet reader at Barnes & Noble in Waterbury, Ct. Also featured on such sites as Poetry soup, Writer's café & Neo Poet. Mario William Vitale 1 Winfield Drive Wolcott, ct 06716 A Beacon Of Light Written by: Mario Vitale A beacon of light to a much hurting world in need ! Can't help but to claim.., Some sense of identity, Stregnth and encouragement only come from above ! Amidst in the distance, the trapped seagull.., Lieth frightened but still yet adrift ! In a most vengeful fashion striking the passing fish, A true source of hope, Yet a most triumphal beam ! This beacon of light shineth forth, Passerby's can err' escape the helping hand.., To the most sparkling of radiance ! (2)Thanksgiving Dinner by Mario Vitale Home for the holiday from New Orleans, with Mother and Father at the tiny drop leaf, brown rosewood, mahogany table with the gold, grinning claw feet; Father, choler- red-in the-face, short- sleeved white shirt and cane, says the blessing as Mother brings in the turkey and cranberry. Then Mother asks, “Won’t you have more?” and father : “Do you think Moll Flanders was a *****?” (I have suffered and bleached my hair blond.) I am silent before their replies. Mother sighs. “I can scarce speak to her.” And Father, too, quotes Shakespeare. (I am thin as paper and the rose- colored bowl of blown glass sitting on the silver stand, half- filled with water.) “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless daughter” (3) Song of Spring Today I heard a robin sing heralding the coming spring A song of exultation to the sky an ode to earth's awakening I saw a willow on the hill It's branches greening in the sun and all the earth seemed hushed & still sleeping streams began to run I heard a softly rising breeze whispering through the grass singing through the still bare trees waiting winter's chill to pass I saw the sun, so bright and warm warming the earth after the rain the buds and leaves, no frost to harm at least, at last, it's spring again. (4) The Ancients It's my last day with the old giants In mourning I hike the lost trails, sniffing the aroma of the bark, that cinnamon of the forest Under tepees of wood in a membrane of shadows, I stalk the earth, its mammal traces, its elusive tracks, to sit on a fallen log where spiders macramé, moss sloping to my knees unaware of invisibles within, grubbing in their tunnels A lizard taps my foot, responding, I muse to its touch, my thoughts like Indian visions, And when daylight mushrooms into night, and an owl hoots from cedar, I still sit with a lizard on my shoe Huddled with the ancients of the woods (5) Epiphany Written by: Mario Vitale It clings to the cliffed shore, to the wintered face of the thistle path, to the fingers of the old man's glove as he waves his memory homeward In that breath between come and go she moves up from the bay; gold turns her stride, the line of her dress, the soft sea pulling at her feet When he reaches out and the frail birds fly and the sun and the sky have married deep into the sea, it clings Even as his shadow threads retreat, it clings, even now as it dissolves to mist (6) A Return Home, Only Time Will Tell Written by: Mario Vitale Oh blessed hope ! Both hardly a believable dream, Sweltering heat with bloodshed in the street... Send the troops home ! There is no clear reason for them to roam.., These are desolate times ! For we have chosen ill faded rhymes.., The casualties are enormous ? For a stated cause that clearly atrocious.., A mother's cry as the door chime rings, A vanishing salute to freedom as the church choir sings ! Let us look above to all the heavenly love.., Merciful one, take this chip off my shoulder.., Stop the senseless fighting before our dear nation grows a bit colder, Suddenly, seeds were dropped out of a farmers bag, In time roots spring up fresh out of the fertile soil... As the sun heats up, Time will tell when this harvest will soon boil... In the vast game of life, One's time is so very brief ! The soul yearns for its' heavenly relief.., Share with others who may want to turn over a brand new leaf.., Time will tell of the true importance of helping one another, To never give into the finish line.., Nor harsh criticism that our society puts out ! Like a famous fighter in his final bout ! Time will tell of the return home, To the open arms of a loved one ! (7) A Valiant Knight Written by: Mario Vitale A Valiant Knight Death springs a new day basking in the breeze In solemn moments lets pause to think of a place A far off castle in the mountains away from it all A valiant knight lived in the structure of it's dwelling Those days of old where mere men had a noble demise A beautiful maiden was in waiting for her knight He would often fight for the cause of stregnth and dignity The draw bridge where the castle stood had a very unique aura A mystery of sort sought up in the vast array of crowned nobility For the king on his thrown was humble yet greedy Always would take care of himself caring nothing for the needy A valiant knight was concerned about the kings trust Often they would disagree on who it was to serve A joker came in front of the king one day with a magic wand Waving the wand in the air then there floated ivy everywhere For the court jester was a fool in the making of his legacy The maiden would often come forth and see For she treasured a red rose that was plucked sometime before Cherished the calling of her stature to the glory of the throne A valiant knight would often sing sweet songs in the night Had a following of village people that would sit before his feet Having a way of words that he would often share The castle was filled with dragons and warlocks searching for love A cause to be brave amidst uncertainty of the kingdom The legacy of golden capulets filled ardent vestibules Let us toast to the valiant knight who keeps a watch on all that is good (8) Hampton Beach The smell of fresh fry doe Time had elapsed playing at the casino Fresh lobster with a side order of fries Those spacious wonderful sky's Down at the shell the continental were playing A walk by the lady of a statue in waiting Flip flops and the sound of laughter A playground for kids in the middle The boardwalk with seagulls flocking over head Fire works in the midnight air with a cheer (9) God's World It is raining again. Summer will be over before it ever gets here Thunder rolls far away, drops hit the windshield, the sky turns gray The Sunflower, the blue Delpinium, the white Stinkwood drink the moisture greedily. The green and silver leaves of the Aspens sparkle as the rain hits them, and the wind turns them round and round The creek flows on, oblivious to the change in the weather. A break in the clouds allows a bit of sun to hit the side of a towering mountain Three cows slowly wend their way homeward. It is dusk. The gray clouds lift and the sun bursts through, before sliding behind the hills for the night It is God's World. He gives it to us to enjoy and to share with each other (10) Jake's House There was a man whose name was Jake Who had a house upon the lake Every morning he would wake And for breakfast have a piece of cake He had a private fishing hole; He always used a long cane pole He fried his fish on red hot coal And served it in a great big bowl For a pet, he had a cat (11) In The Zone Written by: Mario Vitale In The Zone whispers... through the dark deranged portals you evoke fear filled with angelic fervor on it's textual base yet we dig much deep then ever before cries in the dark will light the spark of what we need to know still we stand idle as the average novice introduces its spell along again then the sadness evokes a newer feeling dwindling through the vain extraction of the never world we visually see a flash then a new day approaches on the lawn two lovers having passionate *** the screams of vile extreme explodes throughout perhaps this is the place where Nero tread yet again I sit alone in my house now huddled in the corner the twilight sun has tainted my inner vision the howls of Satanic laughter gives a piercing shriek through a candle was lit by the edge of my bed One can remain lax in the quietness of the moment yet again the setting of the sun a new day has begun as we embark on the moment Does death hurt you the most or is it fear You can equate logic through a firm grasp of the hand whispers again... then a faint cry, we construct living pyramids to honor the dead A stroke of luck an the impulse ensues onto so much more but for what are we grasping for straws what are we searching for ? quietness again this time I'm in the zone as if zombie creatures with viscous long fangs that bite dripping blood off side we run away to hide no one questions anymore no one has a voice alone one last time yet feelings of grandeur awake to the message of hope that spills from the sky a challenge to be free is a question of time eyes with spots digging holes in a pool of blood Satan laughing again spreads his wings Suddenly I awake but to what ? (12) An End Of The Age Of Innocence Part III Written by: Mario Vitale In our fast paced twentieth century world.., We oft' have neglected to stop to smell the roses, Oft' we used to bow our heads silently to pray, As we reflect back to the sixties is had launched a pad to rebellion ! With a vast amount of liberal bias and thinking, No wonder why our nation is sinking.., Sinking amidst a cuss pool of mere morality.., For now it is a quite different time, A very unique but different type of day.., An end of the age of innocence, One hath been enlightened.., From seeking truth, Some fresh out of a garbage can.., Yet for Gods' sake, He hath such an amazing plan ! Hence, to shun the broad road, Yet to seek to venture in the narrow.., Such as a distant bird in flight ! You might see this creature venture out at night ? Of the Eagle nor the Sparrow.., It used to mean something to have a sense of common courteous.., To hold open the door for your neighbor ? Yet for the time being we relent and waiver.., Would you prefer another taste of a certain ice cream flavor ? To ponder we must be content with who we are in the inside.., Nor, a mere fancy suit or blazing sport's car, Life is a roller coaster.., In what you do while busy making other plans.., Finding solace among the height of nature., Such to think at what is quite simple, As a young child reflects on his or her poster board, Playing with their magic crayons.., For in eternity it is such a very long time ! Take heed in what you do, Now is the expectant hour ! What will one choose to do ? There can be no place nor need for any compromise, Within it's vast perpetual spectrum ! One just can't put a price tag on a genuine but unique heart ! Hence, with honest integrity.., The time for change is today ! (13) He Was There by Mario William Vitale From the inner silence of the lamb he was there In welcoming to the world to share Within the multiple of words the mouth speaks As a heart beats through the passage of time To every poem that was ever written To every burden ever lifted To rivers crossing where people living Sometimes loving other moments giving In storms that were outside brewing What is the significance of this love In painted pictures from above To every soldier in a battle To every cow amidst the cattle Not a second glance at any real romance A field of dreams throughout our head From both fire and ice will make you think twice Perhaps another chance at a roll of the dice When every kingdom comes thy will be done Shadows in the shining morn if there's a rose it bears a thorn, He was there in every circumstance When they tried to throw stones at her He was there drawing a line with his finger in the sand It is my hope that some day all will understand A glance at the past will tell us of our future Amidst the inner pain & uncertainty Through shadows in a field of dreams In moments of solace amidst the pain A light moved out upon the street outside A day that wasn't meant to be Thorn crown was pulled upon his head Those shouts of intense anger from the mob There was only one who would help him back on his feet, A light that brought only a few to greet Let us not run away & hide Each one of our sins was placed on that cross To lose the battle now would end in tragic loss Father please forgive them for they know not what they do He said the prayer now the rest is up to you That cross that broke a sinful world apart With his blood-soaked crown with spear in side To show the whole world he had nothing to hide The summoned cry brought about healing in the sky Watch the free angelic dove fly! (14) Momma Of Pearls by Mario William Vitale Since there's nothing I could find That was worth giving you, I sat down to think a while And write a line or two If I had a magic wand I'd wave it just for you, And give you anything you'd like No matter how many or few If I could give you back the years You so willingly gave to me I'm sure that you spend them over again The same as they used to be Remember when those days and nights Instead of going to the fair I'd always say tell me again The story of the three little bears I tried to get a strawberry pie But they were out of season Then I thought of gold Mario William Vitale Written by Mario William Vitale 48/M/Wolcott, Ct 310 Please log in to view and add comments on poems

[deepestdarkestsickestpartsofu]

Introduction

We met in spring of 2017. He changed my life forever, in a way that I will never be able to explain. What I would want you to understand before reading this, is how much love has taken charge of my feelings and impulses. 

I loved him, I love him. 

Nothing he did will ever change that.

At this point I bet you may be wondering who I am. Right... I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Nadir, a 25 year old man that is attracted to other men, but that’s not the most significant part in the story. I grew up in a quiet conservative town in Michigan, with a small population of less than 5,000 people. My mother is pretty old schooled and forced me to stay in school until I graduated. That meant no ‘girlfriends’, no sleepovers, no working. I always had the desire to help her monetarily by getting a job and at least pay the house bills. However she would constantly say to me to just focus on my studies and that would be what would help us in the long run.

My parents are originally from Israel. My mother grew up as Catholic, which was not the usual back then and my father grew up Jewish. They became less religious when they decided to move to the United States, which is where they had my siblings and I. They both lived here as immigrants and I didn’t understand what that meant when I was a child, I just thought we were like any other family living in the US. My father unfortunately passed away from a heart attack when I was 8 years old and it affected me in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine. During his wake, I didn’t cry. It was all so surreal and I felt like he would wake up randomly and claim that everything was a joke. He had a great sense of humor and always managed to make people smile, however his death wasn’t a joke. Once it was time to bury him, I cried as hard as I could since I knew I wouldn’t see him ever again. After that, my mother worked as hard as she could to give my siblings and I what we needed. She could barely afford to pay for the mortgage on the house until my older brothers started working and helping her out with as much as they could. My mother worked two jobs daily to make sure we had food on our table, clothes and a good education. 

It would hurt me to see her stress about providing for us, so eventually I managed to get a scholarship at San Francisco State University. Being the youngest of 4 children gave me a bit of an advantage to enjoy ‘the beauty of freedom’ as we know it now, and not have to struggle about being gay in the 70′s, not that it’s any different now. I mean there are hate crimes all over, shootings that keep getting more common by the minute and discrimination which is still pretty big now. That is one of the reasons why I decided not to come out to my mother, nor anyone in town for that matter. I was already struggling with self-acceptance and I didn’t want to be a burden to my mother. During my senior year of High School I managed to convince my mother to let me work to save up for essential stuff. I began working at a pharmacy and little by little saved up enough money to leave town and follow my dreams in a career I wanted. I wasn’t certain of what my major would be, however it needed to be in the art field. Whether it would be acting, directing, drawing or video editing. I decided to go with the flow and see what would appeal my interest. I wanted to be able to afford a place in ‘The City’, so working at that little pharmacy helped me save up & I also had a job secured so I would be able to help my mother with her expenses from afar. 

It took me a few months but right before spring classes started, I booked the first plane to San Francisco without looking back. My siblings showed up with my mother to the airport. Elijah, the oldest, was a bit of a role model growing up. He got married at 22, had 2 children and joined the police force. Amir, the second to oldest, was always a jokester which he definitely got from my father,  and had a bit of a ‘bad boy’ complex, which is quite the opposite of Elijah. He never got married, which my mother never agreed with, however he did have 3 kids, all with different women. Last but not least, my sister Hadassah, she was only 3 years older than me and I guess you could say we were the closest. Both of us would take care of my mom as much as possible and help her around the house as much as it was possible. She decided to stay in a community college to be closer to my mother and to help her financially as much as she possibly could. I hugged everyone goodbye, but when I got to my mother I couldn’t hold it in much longer. Tears started pouring down my face as I hugged her, but managed to remind her that this wasn’t a goodbye, but a ‘see you later’. I wish I could’ve come out to her, but I was afraid it would devastate her and we might lose the relationship we had built. As cliche as it sounds, she is my best friend, the person I trust the most in this world. I was considering staying as I hugged her. She pulled away and put our foreheads together. 

“You’ll be fine... You’ve got this! And remember einayim sheli, you’re stronger than you think! I’ll be supporting you from afar! Nothing you could do would ever disappoint me”.

“I love you mom. Don’t worry, I’ll send money your way and I’ll be back during the holidays!”

“You better, my dear! Now go, don’t want you to miss your flight”, she said as she hugged me once again.

Her words gave me enough courage to pick up my stuff and board the plane. I turned back once more before heading to the ramp and saw my siblings & her waving at me. Hadassah was hugging my mother and even though she was trying to stay as strong as possible, I saw tears rolling down her face. She noticed that I saw them and immediately wiped them off with a smile. I always admired how strong of a woman she is. She truly is a role model and someone I look up to as to how to live my life. However, I’ve never been as strong so I couldn’t hold back and started crying as I boarded the plane. 

The flight felt eternal and having anxiety didn’t help at all. I quit medication a few months before leaving since I didn’t think I would need it… Boy, was I wrong. I managed to calm myself down by working on some sketches I’ve been doing on my drawing paper pad. Next thing I knew, I was arriving in San Francisco, California; Population: 883,305, well... I guess now it’s 883,306 residents. I wasn’t necessarily going into San Francisco completely helpless, I was moving in with my best friend. I met Marcia in elementary school. Her father Sebastiao works for the government, and that’s as much as I know about him. That and the fact that he had to move to San Francisco due to a “really good job opportunity”.  Her father is originally from Brazil & his wife, Mayra is Mexican-American. Marcia grew up and learned all three languages, English, Spanish & Portuguese so she was able to fit in easier in “The Bay Area” when they left our little town. We would spend hours on the phone after she moved and she would tell me about San Francisco and how she thought I’d love it. She was honestly afraid to be one of those kids whose parents have to move regularly because of their jobs, but lucky for her, she didn’t have to do that. She set up a high bar for me arriving in San Fran and when I did... Well, let’s just say she didn’t disappoint. Her dad bought her an apartment and she was willing to share it with me at no cost, but I already had plans of helping her out with utilities & give her some extra cash to thank her for sharing her apartment with me. She shared her apartment with two puppies, Chuy & Elena, two small pomeranians whom she considered her children since she wasn’t planning on having any kids. When I told her I had gotten a scholarship to SF State, she immediately suggested I should move in with her. I wasn’t too sure of that idea, but it honestly was the best option I had so far.

I finally get my luggage and sit in the lobby to wait for her. I look around and see a lot of people meeting up with their loved one, whether it is their lover, or family. “You just left your family back there. You won’t even make it here nor achieve anything you had your mind set to. This is truly a bad idea. Why are you even doing here? You’re an idiot for leaving! All for some stupid experiment you want to try? Bullshit!”. I close my eyes and take another deep breath. I then feel my phone vibrate with the following text message:

“I see you!”

I looked up and saw her smile. She hadn’t grown much, stood about 5′6, black, curly shoulder-length hair, light skinned, with dorky glasses. People always claimed she was a weirdo, but who am I to judge? I was a bit taller than her, stood about 6′1, a bit of scruff on my face, brown semi clean-cut hair. I was always the weird kid at school, so we managed to click from the very beginning. She was the first person to talk to me in elementary school, and that meant the world to me. I was always a bit of an introvert, however she helped me come out of my shell little by little and when she left, I fell back into it. 

“Marcia! Babe! I’m so happy to see you!”

I ran to her and hugged her. It felt like yesterday that I had said goodbye to her at the airport. 

“Honeeeeey! Ugh, I’m soooo glad to see you! You smell soooo good! Don’t tell me you’re still into buying or should I say, collecting colognes?”

“Guilty!”

“Well then, you just might like what I have for you at home! Let me help you with your bags! I can’t wait for you to FINALLY meet Chuy & Elena! They’re going to LOVE you! My tia is still pretty mad that I named Elena after her, but she should take it as a compliment! It just means I love her! I mean, dogs are your most loyal companions... Not that she was ever loyal to my uncle, but still! I’m telling you, my little Elena is NOTHING like her!” 

I looked at her in disbelief. She still had that smile and a gleam in her eye. She had always had that hopeful gleam in her eye... Something I had lost a long time ago. 

I hated it.

“I’ll kill if I have to, but I’ll regain that hope again, just wait”

#My Story #My Writing #Story #Short Story #Twisted Tales #Chapter 1 #Introduction #Fiction #Writing #Twisted Love #Deep Dark Sick

[blondrichclosetwitch]

“Gaffa is Katespeak for gaffer tape--duct tape to Americans, but the image isn't supposed to evoke being "stuck," as Kate makes clear: "The idea of the song is that of being given a glimpse of 'God' - something that we dearly want - but being told that unless we work for it, we will never see it again, and even then, we might not be worthy of it. Of course, everybody wants the reward without the toil, so people try to find a way out of the hard work, still hoping to claim the prize, but such is not the case. The choruses are meant to express the feeling of entering timelessness as you become ready for the experience, but only when you are ready."

11 Years Ago fatatookay

It's very funny.. I'm not a catholic at all, nor a christian of even religious. I'm an atheist transsexual... and the song meant the world for me. Even though Kate never meant it like that...

Maybe that's the power of a good song: that you can project your own fears and sorrows into it...

My lines were:

I'm not a Pandora

I'm much morc like

That girl in the mirror,

Between you and me

She don't stand a chance of

Getting anywhere at all,

10 Years Ago Kaz26

This song communicates perfectly the frustration we all feel at some time in our lives when our pursuits fail to come to fruition, or at least not quickly enough, we find ourselves asking "can I have it all now?"

Suddenly my feet are feet of mud.

It all goes slo-mo.

I don't know why I'm crying.

Am I suspended in Gaffa?

As a result that self-doubt begins to creep in:

That girl in the mirror.

Between you and me

She don't stand a chance of getting anywhere at all.

It's not all doom and gloom though, as we are gently reminded that it will happen but "not until i'm ready for you". I have taken to singing this line to my very ambitious artist boyfriend who at times feels like he is wading through mud in the pursuit of his dream.

4 Years Ago justthismoment

This song is hitting a real emotional chord for me right now. To me this song is about having the hope of a better life dangled in front of you, and wanting and trying desperately to create that peaceful existence.

On a personal note, this relates to my current experiences undertaking a treatment program for a mental disorder. We are told that there is a lot of hope for recovery, but we need to practice the skills regularly in order to achieve this; ". . . unless we can prove that we're doing it, we can't have it all."

"But sometimes it's hard to know if I'm doing it right. Can I have it all? Can I have it all now?" These lyrics reflect my own self-sabotaging thoughts and feelings, and my struggle to accept that these changes will take time and trust in the process.

The reference to feeling stuck and despairing at times also resonates with me.

Ultimately, I feel that Kate is suggesting that reaching a desirable state of being requires both letting go, and taking responsibility.

18 Years Ago

For me, the meaning of this song is similar to that of "All We Ever Look For"--see comments. However, it seems here that Kate's search here is for something more specific like the path to the Beatific Vision. Of course, I'm reading into this greatly; but that is part of the fun of listening to Kate's work. I remember reading once an interview in which Kate mentioned something about this song and the experience that one might have of looking up at the clouds and seeing God peeping through--"I thought I caught a glimpse of God all shiny and bright..." Also, this is one of my favorite Kate videos--who else would wear a straight-jacket/fencing outfit, dance around in a wind-tossed stable, and drift into outer space all in one promo? She's barking mad and brilliant! IMHO...

16 Years Ago

General Comment:

I was once told that this song was about Kate's relationship with her mother who died. I'm not sure if this is true, because to me it doesn't even sound like the song was written from personal experience. And to quote the person who commented before me, she is indeed "barking mad and brilliant" and i've always thought that! I can't decide whether this song has intense deep meanings or whether she is just singing about...tape.

#kate bush

[femmociraptor]

I literally jusf realized I was a lesbian. For the longest time I thought I was bi, then I realized it was just because my mom was always pressuring me to be with men. I’m 19. I feel like a lot of my peers came to this realization sooner. Is that just me? I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. Also I feel like I’m surrounded by straight girls and I wonder if I’ll ever meet anybody...

[via Pew Research]

The age that people come out can be a very personal thing. It’s affected by a lot of factors, such as class, race, sex, gender, educational access, religion, region, family dynamics, and so on. There are averages to be had for every generation, sure, but the thing with averages is that they don’t tell a meaningful story. A lesbian from a working class family of lapsed Catholics is going to have a different experience from a lesbian from a middle class family of observant Muslims and a Butch lesbian coming from an educated WASP background is going to have a different experience from a Femme lesbian coming from an immigrant family kept intentionally functionally illiterate. You really can’t compare these stories with an eye towards assigning value judgments of who should be doing what and by when without doing a disservice to all the people involved here.

The Pew Research survey said that on the whole, young lesbians today tend to come to terms with their sexuality later than both gay men and bisexuals, with an average age of 18 for knowing and 21 for actually telling someone. There are a lot of reasons for this (compulsory heterosexuality being a major one). At 19, I’d say you’re actually right on track for your age group, despite how it may seem. The thing is, you don’t know how many of your peers are currently wrestling with these topics at the moment and just not talking about it. If you and I had been peers at 19, you would have thought I was one of those straight girls you find yourself surrounded by right now… and yet… :-) These things take time. The nature of coming out being what it is (and now in combination with social media), it can seem like everyone else is hitting those milestones way before you, that you’re a late bloomer, but I promise you, they aren’t and you’re not. You’re a lesbian, full stop, and for the great majority of us, the path to realizing that is not an easy one to take. Given what some of us have had to deal with, it’s a miracle any of us get there at all.

A lot of people (gay and straight) make the mistake of thinking that because so many Western countries have marriage equality right now that most of the work towards eradicating “real” homophobia is done. It’s not. Attitudes are slow to change and family dynamics persist. Lesbian is still a dirty word to many (in every sense of the word) and the cultural expectation of being quiet about your sexuality only works to keep gay people (especially gay women) in the dark and in the closet, purposefully separated from others who may be like them and kept away from that intimate knowledge about themselves. The fact that it takes so many of us so long to realize who we are is not an accident.

As for your mum, I empathize. I am in my 30’s and my mother still points out attractive men to me as potential romantic interests or half-jokingly encourages me to consider this man or that. It’s frustrating and it has gradually lessened over the years but given our starting point, I suspect it will never fully go away. The relationship a gay child has with their straight same-sex parent is often a complicated one. They’re projecting a lot of their own dreams onto you and often can’t separate who they are from who you are. Even the most progressive, pro-marriage equality parent has issues. Supporting something in the abstract is quite different from sitting across from it at the breakfast table or seeing it on display at Aunt Helen’s wedding. A lot of us have had to parent ourselves as a result so if you feel like you are in this category, just know that your path is a well travelled one and there are others like you who can help you. Seek out your local older lesbians and make friends. They are out there waiting to be found and if you go out with kindness and an open heart, more often than not that is what you will receive in turn.

Amongst my friend group, we’ve talked at length about the phenomenon where it feels like, when compared to our straight peers, most gay people are about 10 years behind. So many (out) gay people I know are off by a good 10 years or more compared to their straight peers on their educational goals, their careers, their relationship milestones, family relationships, financial goals (oh so massively behind…), family goals, and so on. It happens so much it’s almost a running joke now. “She’s in her early 30’s which is early 20’s in gay years, so she’s just wrapping up university now”… or how about finally getting the relationship with your parents in your 30s that your siblings had in their 20’s… or seeing lesbians in their 40’s and 50’s finally buying their first home and then seeing the awkward arm pats and “I don’t know why you didn’t do this sooner”’s from their straight friends and family contrasted with the glee and support (and envy) of their gay friends who just get it. To be quite honest, if you weren’t 10 years behind, based on my experience you would be the exception rather than the rule.

I won’t lie to you. You absolutely do have some catching up to do. You have some catching up to do with yourself. Every gay person does. This is a pretty big aspect of who you are that you’re just coming to terms with now and it’s going to change your relationship with yourself and your conception of who you are both in your past and going forward. You also are figuring out some pretty fundamental things about what you like and how you feel and that’s information which your straight peers have had access to their whole lives. And you won’t have the relative protection of adolescence and the legal protection of being a minor as you figure these things out… You won’t have the generally supportive parent who tells you that Jess is a nice girl but honey, you shouldn’t make your university decisions around her… or you will but you won’t be sure whether you can truly trust the motives behind their advice. You will deny and deny that your first bad relationship is actually bad because the other person will become a living stand-in for your gayness and a rejection of them is a rejection of you. And the “I told you so”’s in the aftermath when you finally end it will feel personal in a way you can’t quite describe… and the decisions you made during that relationship to keep it afloat will have greater and longer lasting consequences than the ones you might have made at 16. No one tells lesbians what safe lesbian sex is in health class and so you will fumble through your first few encounters and have to cobble together a bunch of broken and vague resources to try to construct your own understanding of how it works and you will find that when you first go to get tested, 9 times out of 10 that shitty About.com article you read at 2am will have more useful information to give you than the person sitting in front of you with a healthcare degree and sensible shoes. You will be tempted to get wrapped up in the celebratory nature of marriage equality (as will the good people around you), will feel yourself wanting something positive and good and unapologetic in your sometimes positive and sometimes good but often apologetic gay life, will find yourself seduced by the promise of legitimacy for who you are and the person you love, and will want to get married to the first healthy long term girlfriend you have… and if that relationship ends (as many, many do), you will have to decide amidst the grief whether you will mourn its demise in private or brave the disappointment and almost inappropriate investment your community had in your (very personal) life while also being a Bad Gay in the eyes of both the straight and sometimes gay people around you. As a gay person and specifically as a gay woman, you will have to learn to be your own biggest advocate. You will have to develop a spine of steel. You will have to go forward and forge a life for yourself with few role models and even fewer mentors. You’re blazing a path and it won’t be easy.

But it will be rewarding… especially compared with the alternative.

Be gentle with yourself. It’s hard and you’re just getting started but the payoff is a life well lived and (hopefully) well loved. You will meet someone, several someones if you’re lucky, and the more you live your life, the more you will notice a young lesbian coming into her own, growing up and finding out just who and what she is and being surprised time and time again at just how strong she really can be when all is said and done. You have the promise of an entire life stretching out in front of you. What do you want to do with that promise?

Never forget that you are a gay woman who was formed in a culture that was not meant for women and or for gays and would deny the agency and humanity to both. The fact that you are even at this point at all is a testament to your strength and the resiliency of your human spirit. Don’t dismiss that. It’s a hell of a thing and it will carry you a long way. Coming out to yourself as a lesbian is a massive achievement and I know first hand just how hard you’ve had to struggle and I want to say that I’m proud of you. There is a reason it’s called pride… because you’ve had to fight like hell (and you had to win) to get here.

#good luck anon #we are everywhere. #long post #anon #asks #my answers #lesbian content #lesbian culture #lesbian tumblr #coming out #compulsory heterosexuality

[laniakeabooks]

2018 Wrap-Up

Hey guys! So, this is my first post on my first book blog – bear with me! I’ve posted my introduction so if you’d like to know more about me check it out!

Many of these statistics are taken from my Goodreads (https://www.goodreads.com/LaniakeaBooks) which I use to track my reading… as many others do.

I pledged 30 books for 2018 (I don’t have a lot of time to read which sucks) but managed to surpass that goal, and not going to lie, I am hella proud of myself!

Number of books read: 68

Number of pages read: 21080

Average rating: 3.1 stars

Books and ratings: All synopses are pull directly from Goodreads along with the page count. If you’d like a review from any of the books I’ve read in 2018, feel free to request it!

The Trickster’s Lover by Samantha McLeod - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Caroline Capello doesn't take chances.

A graduate student at the prestigious University of Chicago, Caroline dedicates her carefully-planned life to the serious, academic study of mythology.

Until a god shows up in her bedroom.

Loki, the enigmatic and irresistibly sexy Norse god of lies, appears late at night in Caroline's apartment, cuts her clothes down the middle, and rocks her studious world in ways she couldn't even imagine. The next morning, she's convinced it was a dream--until she sees her clothes on the floor, cut in two.

When Loki's appearances stop as suddenly as they began, concern for her lover forces Caroline to risk everything in an attempt to reach Val-Hall, the ancient home of Óðinn's army. Once there, she must put all she has learned to the test.

If she fails, there's far more than Loki's life at stake...

509 pages

 Hungry by H.A Swain - ⭐⭐⭐

 In the future, food is no longer necessary—until Thalia begins to feel something unfamiliar and uncomfortable. She’s hungry.

In Thalia’s world, there is no need for food—everyone takes medication (or “inocs”) to ward off hunger. It should mean there is no more famine, no more obesity, no more food-related illnesses, and no more war. At least that's what her parents, who work for the company that developed the inocs, say. But when Thalia meets a boy who is part of an underground movement to bring food back, she realizes that most people live a life much different from hers. Worse, Thalia is starting to feel hunger, and so is he—the inocs aren’t working. Together they set out to find the only thing that will quell their hunger: real food.

H. A. Swain delivers an adventure that is both epic and fast-paced. Get ready to be Hungry.

384 pages

 Shift by Em Bailey - ⭐⭐⭐

 Olive Corbett is not crazy. Not anymore.

She obediently takes her meds and stays under the radar at school. After “the incident,” Olive just wants to avoid any more trouble, so she knows the smartest thing is to stay clear of the new girl who is rumored to have quite the creepy past.

But there’s no avoiding Miranda Vaile. As mousy Miranda edges her way into the popular group, right up to the side of queen bee Katie – and pushes the others right out – only Olive seems to notice that something strange is going on. Something almost . . . parasitic. Either Olive is losing her grip on reality, or Miranda Vaile is stealing Katie’s life.

But who would ever believe crazy Olive, the girl who has a habit of letting her imagination run away with her? And what if Olive is the next target?

A chilling psychological thriller that tears through themes of identity, loss, and toxic friendship, Shift will leave readers guessing until the final pages.

320 pages

 The Body Finder by Kimberly Derting - ⭐⭐

 Violet Ambrose is grappling with two major issues: Jay Heaton and her morbid secret ability. While the sixteen-year-old is confused by her new feelings for her best friend since childhood, she is more disturbed by her "power" to sense dead bodies—or at least those that have been murdered. Since she was a little girl, she has felt the echoes that the dead leave behind in the world... and the imprints that attach to their killers.

Violet has never considered her strange talent to be a gift; it mostly just led her to find the dead birds her cat had tired of playing with. But now that a serial killer has begun terrorizing her small town, and the echoes of the local girls he's claimed haunt her daily, she realizes she might be the only person who can stop him.

Despite his fierce protectiveness over her, Jay reluctantly agrees to help Violet on her quest to find the murderer—and Violet is unnerved to find herself hoping that Jay's intentions are much more than friendly. But even as Violet is getting closer and closer to discovering a killer... she might become his next prey.

327 pages

 Hourglass by Myra McEntire - ⭐⭐

 One hour to rewrite the past…

For seventeen-year-old Emerson Cole, life is about seeing what isn't there: swooning Southern Belles; soldiers long forgotten; a haunting jazz trio that vanishes in an instant. Plagued by phantoms since her parents' death, she just wants the apparitions to stop so she can be normal. She's tried everything, but the visions keep coming back.

So when her well-meaning brother brings in a consultant from a secretive organization called the Hourglass, Emerson's willing to try one last cure. But meeting Michael Weaver may not only change her future, it may also change her past.

Who is this dark, mysterious, sympathetic guy, barely older than Emerson herself, who seems to believe every crazy word she says? Why does an electric charge seem to run through the room whenever he's around? And why is he so insistent that he needs her help to prevent a death that never should've happened?

390 pages

 The Program by Suzanne Young - ⭐

 Sloane knows better than to cry in front of anyone. With suicide now an international epidemic, one outburst could land her in The Program, the only proven course of treatment. Sloane’s parents have already lost one child; Sloane knows they’ll do anything to keep her alive. She also knows that everyone who’s been through The Program returns as a blank slate. Because their depression is gone—but so are their memories.

Under constant surveillance at home and at school, Sloane puts on a brave face and keeps her feelings buried as deep as she can. The only person Sloane can be herself with is James. He’s promised to keep them both safe and out of treatment, and Sloane knows their love is strong enough to withstand anything. But despite the promises they made to each other, it’s getting harder to hide the truth. They are both growing weaker. Depression is setting in.

And The Program is coming for them.

405 pages

Full Review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2340984030?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1

 The Pledge by Kimberly Derting - ⭐⭐⭐

 In the violent country of Ludania, the classes are strictly divided by the language they speak. The smallest transgression, like looking a member of a higher class in the eye while they are speaking their native tongue, results in immediate execution. Seventeen-year-old Charlaina has always been able to understand the languages of all classes, and she's spent her life trying to hide her secret. The only place she can really be free is the drug-fueled underground clubs where people go to shake off the oppressive rules of the world they live in. It's there that she meets a beautiful and mysterious boy named Max who speaks a language she's never heard before . . . and her secret is almost exposed.

Charlie is intensely attracted to Max, even though she can't be sure where his real loyalties lie. As the emergency drills give way to real crisis and the violence escalates, it becomes clear that Charlie is the key to something much bigger: her country's only chance for freedom from the terrible power of a deadly regime.

323 pages

 Sapphire Blue by Kerstin Gier - ⭐⭐⭐

 Gwen’s life has been a rollercoaster since she discovered she was the Ruby, the final member of the secret time-traveling Circle of Twelve. In between searching through history for the other time-travelers and asking for a bit of their blood (gross!), she’s been trying to figure out what all the mysteries and prophecies surrounding the Circle really mean.

At least Gwen has plenty of help. Her best friend Lesley follows every lead diligently on the Internet. James the ghost teaches Gwen how to fit in at an eighteenth century party. And Xemerius, the gargoyle demon who has been following Gwen since he caught her kissing Gideon in a church, offers advice on everything. Oh, yes. And of course there is Gideon, the Diamond. One minute he’s very warm indeed; the next he’s freezing cold. Gwen’s not sure what’s going on there, but she’s pretty much destined to find out.

354 pages

 This is Where it Ends by Marieke Nijkamp - ⭐⭐⭐

 10:00 a.m. The principal of Opportunity High School finishes her speech, welcoming the entire student body to a new semester and encouraging them to excel and achieve.

10:02 a.m. The students get up to leave the auditorium for their next class.

10:03 a.m. The auditorium doors won't open.

10:05 a.m. Someone starts shooting.

Told from four different perspectives over the span of fifty-four harrowing minutes, terror reigns as one student’s calculated revenge turns into the ultimate game of survival.

288 pages

 The Merciless II: The Exorcism of Sofie Flores by Danielle Vega - ⭐⭐⭐

 Sofia is still processing the horrific truth of what happened when she and three friends performed an exorcism that spiraled horribly out of control. Ever since that night, Sofia has been haunted by bloody and demonic visions. Her therapist says they’re all in her head, but to Sofia they feel chillingly real. She just wants to get out of town, start fresh someplace else . . . until her mother dies suddenly, and Sofia gets her wish.

Sofia is sent to St. Mary’s, a creepy Catholic boarding school in Mississippi. There, seemingly everyone is doing penance for something, most of all the mysterious Jude, for whom Sofia can’t help feeling an unshakeable attraction. But when Sofia and Jude confide in each other about their pasts, something flips in him. He becomes convinced that Sofia is possessed by the devil. . . . Is an exorcism the only way to save her eternal soul?

Readers won’t be able to look away from this terrifying read full of twists and turns that will leave them wondering, Is there evil in all of us?

320 pages

 The Merciless III: Origins of Evil by Danielle Vega - ⭐⭐⭐

 Brooklyn knows that there's no good without evil, no right without wrong. And when a helpless girl calls her teen helpline, whispering that someone is hurting her, Brooklyn knows that she needs to save her anonymous caller, even if it means doing something bad.

Her parents and friends assure her the call was probably a prank but Brooklyn has always had a tendency to take over, whether someone has asked for help or not.

She discovers the call came from Christ First Church and finds herself plunged into the cultish community of its youth group. She's especially drawn to Gavin, the angelic yet tortured pastor's son.

Torn between an unstoppable attraction to Gavin and her obsession with the truth, Brooklyn is forced to make a devastating choice to rid Christ Church of evil once and for all. . . . But the devil has plans for Brooklyn's soul.

304 pages

 Angel’s Blood by Nalini Singh - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Vampire hunter Elena Deveraux is hired by the dangerously beautiful Archangel Raphael. But this time, it’s not a wayward vamp she has to track. It’s an archangel gone bad.

The job will put Elena in the midst of a killing spree like no other—and pull her to the razor’s edge of passion. Even if the hunt doesn’t destroy her, succumbing to Raphael’s seductive touch just may. For when archangels play, mortals break.

339 pages

 Camp Follower: One Army Brat’s Story by Michele Sabad - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 In this memoir, Michele Sabad takes us on one army brat’s journey with stories about a childhood in Calgary, Germany, Labrador, and Saskatchewan; becoming a young Air Force wife and Hockey Mom in Edmonton, Kingston, Winnipeg, and Cold Lake; building a career in Information Technology; and finally, settling in a new culture and life in Ottawa and Aylmer, Quebec. Michele’s story will interest, inspire, and enlighten both those who grew up in “the life” and those curious to peek at how this kind of life turned out. A base brat life, sure, but one unique in Canadian history—kids don’t grow up like this anymore—not even base kids. Fascinating insight; a slice of Canadiana.

196 pages

 Nemesis by Brendan Reichs - ⭐⭐⭐

 He killed me. He killed me not. He killed me.

It’s been happening since Min was eight. Every two years, on her birthday, a strange man finds her and murders her in cold blood. But hours later, she wakes up in a clearing just outside her tiny Idaho hometown—alone, unhurt, and with all evidence of the horrifying crime erased.

Across the valley, Noah just wants to be like everyone else. But he’s not. Nightmares of murder and death plague him, though he does his best to hide the signs. But when the world around him begins to spiral toward panic and destruction, Noah discovers that people have been lying to him his whole life. Everything changes in an eye blink.

For the planet has a bigger problem. The Anvil, an enormous asteroid threatening all life on Earth, leaves little room for two troubled teens. Yet on her sixteenth birthday, as she cowers in her bedroom, hoping not to die for the fifth time, Min has had enough. She vows to discover what is happening in Fire Lake and uncovers a lifetime of lies: a vast conspiracy involving the sixty-four students of her sophomore class, one that may be even more sinister than the murders.

443 pages

 Archangel’s Kiss by Nalini Singh - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Welcome to a dark new world where lethal, beautiful archangels hold sway over immortals and mortals both, with the Guild Hunters caught in between, tasked with retrieving those vampires who break their contracts with their angelic masters.

Elena Deveraux is a Guild Hunter. She was hired to do the impossible - to hunt down a rogue Archangel - and she suceeded where none had believed she could. But in the process, she fell in love. And not just with anyone: with the Archangel Raphael. It a love that's as powerful as it is terrifying and dangerous.

But the world won't stand still while Elena and Raphael enjoy their new-found love. Vampires and angels still go rogue and it's still Elena's job to hunt them down and return them to their angelic masters. While she is exceptional, Elena isn't invulnerable - and the more obvious her talents become, the bigger a target she becomes...

336 pages

 The Gender Game by Bella Forrest - ⭐⭐

 A toxic river divides nineteen-year-old Violet Bates's world by gender.

Women rule the East. Men rule the West.

Welcome to the lands of Matrus and Patrus...

Ever since the death of her mother, Violet's life has been shadowed by bad luck. Already a prisoner to her own nation, now after two unfortunate incidents resulting in womanslaughter, she has been sentenced to death.

But one decision could save her life.

One decision to enter the kingdom of Patrus, where men rule and women submit.

Everything about the patriarchy defies Violet's identity, but she must sacrifice everything if she wishes to survive the forbidden kingdom... including forbidden love.

How much of yourself could you give up to keep yourself alive?

418 pages

 The Girl Who Dared to Think by Bella Forrest - ⭐⭐

 The Tower's survival is humanity's survival, and each must serve it faithfully...

Twenty-year-old Liana Castell must be careful what she thinks. Her life is defined by the number on her wristband -- a rating out of ten awarded based on her usefulness and loyalty to the Tower, and monitored by a device in her skull. A device that reports forbidden thoughts.

Liana is currently a four, the lowest possible acceptable score, and despite her parents' perfect scores of ten, she struggles to increase it. Rebellious ideas come all too easily, and resentfulness seems part of her being. She is an overseer-in-training, but her future will be dark if she cannot raise her worth...

Threes require drug treatment.

Twos are isolated.

Ones disappear.

When Liana's worst nightmare comes to pass and she drops to a three, desperation spurs her down a path few dare to tread. A chance encounter with a cocky young man whose shockingly dissident attitude toward the Tower couldn't possibly have earned him the perfect "ten" on his wrist, sets her on a trail to save herself--even at the risk of dropping lower.

Stalking the young man seemed like a simple enough task, but after events take an unexpected twist, Liana finds herself taking a treacherous dive into the darkest depths of the Tower... and the decades' old secrets buried within.

In a society where free thinking can make you a criminal, one girl dares to try...

410 pages

 Banded by Logan Byrne - ⭐⭐

 In dystopian Manhattan, society is divided into six zones, with each one representing a citizen’s benefit to society: Stalwart (strength), Astute (intelligence), Collusive (greed), Radiant (beauty), Quixotic (no life direction), and the Altruistic (willingness to help others). On a citizen’s sixteenth birthday, a computer suggests a new zone for them based on their inherent benefit to society. When Kalenna Slater is sorted out of her home zone Quixotic and into Altruistic, she thinks things can’t get worse. Life looks dismal until she meets Gavin, a boy also just sorted into Altruistic who becomes the light needed on her cloudy days.

During sorting she receives a device known as ‘The Band’. It’s a large watch-like device that never comes off, and it measures a citizen’s karma on a scale from one to one hundred. If a citizen does good, they gain points. If a citizen does bad, including breaking laws, they lose points. When your number reaches zero, the band acts as judge, jury, and executioner, and you are injected with toxins that kill you within minutes.

After sorting, recruits are taken to a three month long mandatory school named HQ. It’s at HQ she meets new friends from different zones, and finally begins to feel at ease. Everything goes well until a rare trip home makes her discover that her father, who has been missing for a decade, may have taken part in a terrible program that stands to shake the fabric of society.

342 pages

 Illuminae by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 This morning, Kady thought breaking up with Ezra was the hardest thing she’d have to do. This afternoon, her planet was invaded.

The year is 2575, and two rival megacorporations are at war over a planet that’s little more than an ice-covered speck at the edge of the universe. Too bad nobody thought to warn the people living on it. With enemy fire raining down on them, Kady and Ezra—who are barely even talking to each other—are forced to fight their way onto an evacuating fleet, with an enemy warship in hot pursuit.

But their problems are just getting started. A deadly plague has broken out and is mutating, with terrifying results; the fleet's AI, which should be protecting them, may actually be their enemy; and nobody in charge will say what’s really going on. As Kady hacks into a tangled web of data to find the truth, it's clear only one person can help her bring it all to light: the ex-boyfriend she swore she'd never speak to again.

BRIEFING NOTE: Told through a fascinating dossier of hacked documents—including emails, schematics, military files, IMs, medical reports, interviews, and more—Illuminae is the first book in a heart-stopping, high-octane trilogy about lives interrupted, the price of truth, and the courage of everyday heroes.

602 pages

 Archangel’s Consort by Nalini Singh - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Nalini Singh steps back into the shadows of her heartbreakingly original world where angels rule, vampires serve, and the innocent can pay the greatest price of all ...Vampire hunter Elena Deveraux and her lover, the lethally beautiful archangel Raphael, have returned home to New York only to face an uncompromising new evil ...A vampire has attacked a girls' school - the assault one of sheer, vicious madness - and it is only the first act. Rampant bloodlust takes vampire after vampire, threatening to make the streets run with blood. Then Raphael himself begins to show signs of an uncontrolled rage, as inexplicable storms darken the city skyline and the earth itself shudders. The omens are suddenly terrifyingly clear. An ancient and malevolent immortal is rising. The violent winds whisper her name: Caliane. She has returned to reclaim her son, Raphael. Only one thing stands in her way: Elena, the consort who must be destroyed ...

324 pages

 They All Fall Down by Roxanne St. Claire - ⭐⭐⭐

 Every year, the lives of ten junior girls at Vienna High are transformed.

All because of the list.

Kenzie Summerall can't imagine how she's been voted onto a list of the prettiest girls in school, but when she lands at number five, her average life becomes dazzling. Doors open to the best parties, new friends surround her, the cutest jock in school is after her.

This is the power of the list. If you're on it, your life changes.

If you're on it this year? Your life ends.

352 pages

 What’s Left of Me by Kat Zhang - ⭐⭐⭐

 I should not exist. But I do.

Eva and Addie started out the same way as everyone else—two souls woven together in one body, taking turns controlling their movements as they learned how to walk, how to sing, how to dance. But as they grew, so did the worried whispers. Why aren’t they settling? Why isn’t one of them fading? The doctors ran tests, the neighbors shied away, and their parents begged for more time. Finally Addie was pronounced healthy and Eva was declared gone. Except, she wasn’t . . .

For the past three years, Eva has clung to the remnants of her life. Only Addie knows she’s still there, trapped inside their body. Then one day, they discover there may be a way for Eva to move again. The risks are unimaginable-hybrids are considered a threat to society, so if they are caught, Addie and Eva will be locked away with the others. And yet . . . for a chance to smile, to twirl, to speak, Eva will do anything.

343 pages

 Remake by Ilima Todd - ⭐⭐

 Nine is the ninth female born in her batch of ten females and ten males. By design, her life in Freedom Province is without complications or consequences. However, such freedom comes with a price. The Prime Maker is determined to keep that price a secret from the new batches of citizens that are born, nurtured, and raised androgynously.

But Nine isn't like every other batcher. She harbors indecision

and worries about her upcoming Remake Day -- her seventeenth birthday, the age when batchers fly to the Remake facility and have the freedom to choose who and what they'll be.

When Nine discovers the truth about life outside of Freedom

Province, including the secret plan of the Prime Maker, she is

pulled between two worlds and two lives. Her decisions will test

her courage, her heart, and her beliefs. Who can she trust? Who does she love? And most importantly, who will she decide to be?

304 pages

 The Tale of Dueling Neurosurgeons by Same Kean - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Early studies of the functions of the human brain used a simple method: wait for misfortune to strike-strokes, seizures, infectious diseases, lobotomies, horrendous accidents-and see how the victim coped. In many cases survival was miraculous, and observers could only marvel at the transformations that took place afterward, altering victims' personalities. An injury to one section can leave a person unable to recognize loved ones; some brain trauma can even make you a pathological gambler, pedophile, or liar. But a few scientists realized that these injuries were an opportunity for studying brain function at its extremes. With lucid explanations and incisive wit, Sam Kean explains the brain's secret passageways while recounting forgotten stories of common people whose struggles, resiliency, and deep humanity made modern neuroscience possible.

416 pages

 The Compound by S.A Bodeen - ⭐⭐

 Eli and his family have lived in the underground Compound for six years. The world they knew is gone, and they've become accustomed to their new life. Accustomed, but not happy.

For Eli, no amount of luxury can stifle the dull routine of living in the same place, with only his two sisters, his father and mother, doing the same thing day after day after day.

As problems with their carefully planned existence threaten to destroy their sanctuary—and their sanity—Eli can't help but wonder if he'd rather take his chances outside.

Eli's father built the Compound to keep them safe. But are they safe—or sorry?

256 pages

 Enclave by Ann Aguire - ⭐⭐

 New York City has been decimated by war and plague, and most of civilization has migrated to underground enclaves, where life expectancy is no more than the early 20's. When Deuce turns 15, she takes on her role as a Huntress, and is paired with Fade, a teenage Hunter who lived Topside as a young boy. When she and Fade discover that the neighboring enclave has been decimated by the tunnel monsters--or Freaks--who seem to be growing more organized, the elders refuse to listen to warnings. And when Deuce and Fade are exiled from the enclave, the girl born in darkness must survive in daylight--guided by Fade's long-ago memories--in the ruins of a city whose population has dwindled to a few dangerous gangs.

Ann Aguirre's thrilling young adult novel is the story of two young people in an apocalyptic world--facing dangers, and feelings, unlike any they've ever known.

259 pages

 Slated by Teri Terry - ⭐⭐

 Kyla’s memory has been erased,

her personality wiped blank,

her memories lost for ever.

She’s been Slated.

The government claims she was a terrorist and that they are giving her a second chance - as long as she plays by their rules. But echoes of the past whisper in Kyla’s mind. Someone is lying to her, and nothing is as it seems. Who can she trust in her search for the truth?

439 pages

 Speak: The Graphic Novel by Laurie Halse Anderson, illustrated by Emily Carroll - ⭐⭐⭐

 "Speak up for yourself-we want to know what you have to say."

From the first moment of her freshman year at Merryweather High, Melinda knows this is a big fat lie, part of the nonsense of high school. She is friendless--an outcast--because she busted an end-of-summer party by calling the cops, so now nobody will talk to her, let alone listen to her. Through her work on an art project, she is finally able to face what really happened that night: She was raped by an upperclassman, a guy who still attends Merryweather and is still a threat to her.

374 pages

 Brave New World by Aldous Huxley - ⭐⭐⭐

 Brave New World is a dystopian novel written in 1931 by English author Aldous Huxley, and published in 1932. Largely set in a futuristic World State of genetically modified citizens and an intelligence-based social hierarchy, the novel anticipates huge scientific developments in reproductive technology, sleep-learning, psychological manipulation, and classical conditioning that are combined to make a utopian society that goes challenged only by a single outsider.

288 pages

 Code Orange by Caroline B. Cooney - ⭐⭐

 Walking around New York City was what Mitty Blake did best. He loved the city, and even after 9/11, he always felt safe. Mitty was a carefree guy: he didn't worry about terrorists or blackouts or grades or anything, which is why he was late getting started on his Advanced Bio report.

Mitty does feel a little pressure to hand something in if he doesn't, he'll be switched out of Advanced Bio, which would be unfortunate since Olivia's in Advanced Bio. So he considers it good luck when he finds some old medical books in his family's weekend house that focus on something he could write about.

But when he discovers an old envelope with two scabs in one of the books, the report is no longer about the grades: it's about life and death. His own.This edge-of-your-seat thriller will leave you breathless.

200 pages

 Falls the Shadow by Stefanie Gaither - ⭐⭐⭐

 When Cate Benson was a kid, her sister, Violet, died. Two hours after the funeral, Cate’s family picked up Violet’s replacement. Like nothing had happened. Because Cate’s parents are among those who decided to give their children a sort of immortality—by cloning them at birth—which means this new Violet has the same smile. The same perfect face. Thanks to advancements in mind-uploading technology, she even has all of the same memories as the girl she replaced.

She also might have murdered the most popular girl in school.

At least, that’s what the paparazzi and the anti-cloning protestors want everyone to think: that clones are violent, unpredictable monsters. Cate is used to hearing all that. She’s used to defending her sister, too. But Violet has vanished, and when Cate sets out to find her, she ends up in the line of fire instead. Because Cate is getting dangerously close to secrets that will rock the foundation of everything she thought was true.

In a thrilling debut, Stefanie Gaither takes readers on a nail-biting ride through a future that looks frighteningly similar to our own time and asks: how far are you willing to go to keep your family together?

352 pages

 The Accident Season by Moira Fowley-Doyle - ⭐⭐⭐

 Every October Cara and her family become inexplicably and unavoidably accident-prone. Some years it's bad, and some years it's just a lot of cuts and scrapes. This accident season--when Cara, her ex-stepbrother, Sam, and her best friend, Bea, are 17--is going to be a bad one. Cara is about to learn that not all the scars left by the accident season are physical: There's a long-hidden family secret underneath the bumps and bruises. This is the year Cara will finally fall desperately in love, when she'll start discovering the painful truth about the adults in her life, and when she'll uncover the dark origins of the accident season--whether she's ready or not.

320 pages

 Legend: The Graphic Novel by Marie Lu, illustrated by Kaari - ⭐⭐⭐

 Born into an elite family in one of the Republic's wealthiest districts, fifteen-year-old June is a military prodigy. Born into the slums of the Republic’s Lake Sector, fifteen-year-old Day is the country’s most wanted criminal. But his motives are not as sinister as they often seem. One day June’s brother is murdered and Day becomes the prime suspect. Now, Day is in a race for his family’s survival, while June tries desperately to avenge her brother’s death. And the two uncover the truth of what has really brought them together and the lengths their country will go to in order to keep its secrets.

160 pages

 A Wrinkle in Time: The Graphic Novel by Madeleine L’Engle, illustrated by Hope Larson - ⭐⭐

 Late one night, three otherworldly creatures appear and sweep Meg Murry, her brother Charles Wallace, and their friend Calvin O'Keefe away on a mission to save Mr. Murry, who has gone missing while doing top-secret work for the government. They travel via tesseract — a wrinkle that transports one across space and time — to the planet Camazotz, where Mr. Murry is being held captive. There they discover a dark force that threatens not only Mr. Murry but the safety of the whole universe.

Never before illustrated, A Wrinkle in Time is now available in a spellbinding graphic novel adaptation. Hope Larson takes the classic story to a new level with her vividly imagined interpretations of Mrs Whatsit, Mrs Who, Mrs Which, the Happy Medium, Aunt Beast, and the many other characters that readers have loved for the past fifty years. Winner of the 1963 Newbery Medal, A Wrinkle in Time is the first book in Madeleine L'Engle's Time Quintet.

392 pages

 Archangel’s Blade by Nalini Singh - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 The severed head marked by a distinctive tattoo on its cheek should have been a Guild case, but dark instincts honed over hundreds of years of life compel the vampire Dmitri to take control. There is something twisted about this death, something that whispers of centuries long past...but Dmitri's need to discover the truth is nothing to the vicious strength of his response to the hunter assigned to decipher the tattoo.

Savaged in a brutal attack that almost killed her, Honor is nowhere near ready to come face to face with the seductive vampire who is an archangel's right hand and who wears his cruelty as boldly as his lethal sensuality...the same vampire who has been her secret obsession since the day she was old enough to understand the inexplicable, violent emotions he aroused in her.

As desire turns into a dangerous compulsion that might destroy them both, it becomes clear the past will not stay buried. Something is hunting and it will not stop until it brings a blood-soaked nightmare to life once more...

310 pages

 The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender by Leslye Walton - ⭐⭐⭐

 Magical realism, lyrical prose, and the pain and passion of human love haunt this hypnotic generational saga.

Foolish love appears to be the Roux family birthright, an ominous forecast for its most recent progeny, Ava Lavender. Ava—in all other ways a normal girl—is born with the wings of a bird.

In a quest to understand her peculiar disposition and a growing desire to fit in with her peers, sixteen-year old Ava ventures into the wider world, ill-prepared for what she might discover and naïve to the twisted motives of others. Others like the pious Nathaniel Sorrows, who mistakes Ava for an angel and whose obsession with her grows until the night of the Summer Solstice celebration.

That night, the skies open up, rain and feathers fill the air, and Ava’s quest and her family’s saga build to a devastating crescendo.

First-time author Leslye Walton has constructed a layered and unforgettable mythology of what it means to be born with hearts that are tragically, exquisitely human.

301 pages

 Once We Were by Kat Zhang - ⭐⭐⭐

 "I'm lucky just to be alive."

Eva was never supposed to have survived this long. As the recessive soul, she should have faded away years ago. Instead, she lingers in the body she shares with her sister soul, Addie. When the government discovered the truth, they tried to “cure” the girls, but Eva and Addie escaped before the doctors could strip Eva’s soul away.

Now fugitives, Eva and Addie find shelter with a group of hybrids who run an underground resistance. Surrounded by others like them, the girls learn how to temporarily disappear to give each soul some much-needed privacy. Eva is thrilled at the chance to be alone with Ryan, the boy she’s falling for, but troubled by the growing chasm between her and Addie. Despite clashes over their shared body, both girls are eager to join the rebellion.

Yet as they are drawn deeper into the escalating violence, they start to wonder: How far are they willing to go to fight for hybrid freedom? Faced with uncertainty and incredible danger, their answers may tear them apart forever.

352 pages

 Obsidian by Jennifer L. Armentrout - ⭐⭐⭐

 Starting over sucks.

When we moved to West Virginia right before my senior year, I’d pretty much resigned myself to thick accents, dodgy internet access, and a whole lot of boring… until I spotted my hot neighbor, with his looming height and eerie green eyes. Things were looking up.

And then he opened his mouth.

Daemon is infuriating. Arrogant. Stab-worthy. We do not get along. At all. But when a stranger attacks me and Daemon literally freezes time with a wave of his hand, well, something… unexpected happens.

The hot alien living next door marks me.

You heard me. Alien. Turns out Daemon and his sister have a galaxy of enemies wanting to steal their abilities, and Daemon’s touch has me lit up like the Vegas Strip. The only way I’m getting out of this alive is by sticking close to Daemon until my alien mojo fades.

If I don’t kill him first, that is.

335 pages

 Demonglass by Rachel Hawkins - ⭐⭐⭐

 Sophie Mercer thought she was a witch. That was the whole reason she was sent to Hex Hall, a reform school for delinquent Prodigium (a.k.a. witches, shape-shifters, and faeries). But then she discovered the family secret, and the fact that her hot crush, Archer Cross, is an agent for The Eye, a group bent on wiping Prodigium off the face of the earth.

Turns out, Sophie's a demon, one of only two in the world-the other being her father. What's worse, she has powers that threaten the lives of everyone she loves. Which is precisely why Sophie decides she must go to London for the Removal, a dangerous procedure that will either destroy her powers for good-or kill her.

But once Sophie arrives, she makes a shocking discovery. Her new housemates? They're demons too. Meaning, someone is raising demons in secret, with creepy plans to use their powers, and probably not for good. Meanwhile, The Eye is set on hunting Sophie down, and they're using Archer to do it. But it's not like she has feelings for him anymore. Does she?

359 pages

 The Complete Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi - ⭐⭐

 Persepolis is the story of Satrapi's unforgettable childhood and coming of age within a large and loving family in Tehran during the Islamic Revolution; of the contradictions between private life and public life in a country plagued by political upheaval; of her high school years in Vienna facing the trials of adolescence far from her family; of her homecoming--both sweet and terrible; and, finally, of her self-imposed exile from her beloved homeland. It is the chronicle of a girlhood and adolescence at once outrageous and familiar, a young life entwined with the history of her country yet filled with the universal trials and joys of growing up.

Edgy, searingly observant, and candid, often heartbreaking but threaded throughout with raw humor and hard-earned wisdom--Persepolis is a stunning work from one of the most highly regarded, singularly talented graphic artists at work today.

341 pages

 The Wendy Project by Melissa Jane Osborne, illustrated by Veronica Fish - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 16-year-old Wendy Davies crashes her car into a lake on a late summer night in New England with her two younger brothers in the backseat. When she wakes in the hospital, she is told that her youngest brother, Michael, is dead. Wendy — a once rational teenager – shocks her family by insisting that Michael is alive and in the custody of a mysterious flying boy. Placed in a new school, Wendy negotiates fantasy and reality as students and adults around her resemble characters from Neverland. Given a sketchbook by her therapist, Wendy starts to draw. But is The Wendy Project merely her safe space, or a portal between worlds?

96 pages

 Torn by Amanda Hocking - ⭐⭐⭐

 When Wendy Everly first discovers the truth about herself—that she’s a changeling switched at birth—she knows her life will never be the same. Now she’s about to learn that there’s more to the story...

She shares a closer connection to her Vittra rivals than she ever imagined—and they’ll stop at nothing to lure her to their side. With the threat of war looming, her only hope of saving the Trylle is to master her magical powers—and marry an equally powerful royal. But that means walking away from Finn, her handsome bodyguard who’s strictly off limits... and Loki, a Vittra prince with whom she shares a growing attraction.

Torn between her heart and her people, between love and duty, Wendy must decide her fate. If she makes the wrong choice, she could lose everything, and everybody, she’s ever wanted... in both worlds.

324 pages

 Ascend by Amanda Hocking - ⭐⭐⭐

 Wendy Everly is facing an impossible choice. The only way to save the Trylle from their deadliest enemy is by sacrificing herself.  If she doesn't surrender to the Vittra, her people will be thrust into a brutal war against an unbeatable foe.  But how can Wendy leave all her friends behind... even if it’s the only way to save them?

The stakes have never been higher, because her kingdom isn't the only thing she stands to lose. After falling for both Finn and Loki, she’s about to make the ultimate choice... who to love forever. One guy has finally proven to be the love of her life—and now all their lives might be coming to an end.

Everything has been leading to this moment.  The future of her entire world rests in her hands—if she’s ready to fight for it.

326 pages

 The Murder Complex by Lindsay Cummings - ⭐⭐

 Meadow Woodson, a fifteen-year-old girl who has been trained by her father to fight, to kill, and to survive in any situation, lives with her family on a houseboat in Florida. The state is controlled by The Murder Complex, an organization that tracks the population with precision.

The plot starts to thicken when Meadow meets Zephyr James, who is—although he doesn’t know it—one of the MC’s programmed assassins. Is their meeting a coincidence? Destiny? Or part of a terrifying strategy? And will Zephyr keep Meadow from discovering the haunting truth about her family?

398 pages

 Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children

No Solicitations

No Visitors

No Quests

Children have always disappeared under the right conditions; slipping through the shadows under a bed or at the back of a wardrobe, tumbling down rabbit holes and into old wells, and emerging somewhere... else.

But magical lands have little need for used-up miracle children.

Nancy tumbled once, but now she’s back. The things she’s experienced... they change a person. The children under Miss West’s care understand all too well. And each of them is seeking a way back to their own fantasy world.

But Nancy’s arrival marks a change at the Home. There’s a darkness just around each corner, and when tragedy strikes, it’s up to Nancy and her new-found schoolmates to get to the heart of the matter.

No matter the cost.

173 pages

 Red by Allison Cherry - ⭐⭐⭐

 Felicity St. John has it all: loyal best friends, a hot guy, and artistic talent. And she’s right on track to win the Miss Scarlet pageant. Her perfect life is possible because of just one thing: her long, wavy, coppery red hair.

Redheads hold all the power in Scarletville—and everybody knows it. That’s why Felicity is scared down to her roots when she receives an anonymous note: I know your secret.

Because Felicity is a big fake. Her hair color comes straight out of a bottle. And if anyone discovers the truth, she’ll be a social outcast faster than she can say strawberry blond.

Felicity isn’t about to let someone blackmail her life away. But just how far is she willing to go to protect her red cred?

336 pages

 Frostfire by Amanda Hocking - ⭐⭐⭐

 Bryn Aven is an outcast among the Kanin, the most powerful of the troll tribes.

Set apart by her heritage and her past, Bryn is a tracker who's determined to become a respected part of her world. She has just one goal: become a member of the elite King’s Guard to protect the royal family. She's not going to let anything stand in her way, not even a forbidden romance with her boss Ridley Dresden.

But all her plans for the future are put on hold when Konstantin– a fallen hero she once loved – begins kidnapping changelings. Bryn is sent in to help stop him, but will she lose her heart in the process?

321 pages

 Ice Kissed by Amanda Hocking - ⭐⭐⭐

 In the majestic halls of a crystal palace lies a secret that could destroy an entire kingdom…

Bryn Aven refuses to give up on her dream of serving the kingdom she loves. It’s a dream that brings her to a whole new realm…and the glittering palace of the Skojare.

The Skojare people need protection from the same brutal enemy that’s been threatening the Kanin, and Bryn is there to help. Being half Skojare herself, it’s also a chance for her to learn more about her lost heritage. Her boss, Ridley Dresden, is overseeing her mission, but as their undeniable attraction heats up, their relationship is about to reach a whole new level—one neither of them is prepared for.

As they delve deeper into the Skojare world, they begin to unravel a long-hidden secret. The dark truth about her own beloved Kanin kingdom is about to come to light, and it will change her place in it forever…and threaten everyone she loves.

309 pages

 Crystal Kingdom by Amanda Hocking - ⭐⭐⭐

 The kingdom she loves has turned against her. Can she save it before it’s too late?

Bryn Aven—unjustly charged with murder and treason—is on the run. The one person who can help is her greatest enemy, the gorgeous and enigmatic Konstantin Black. Konstantin is her only ally against those who have taken over her kingdom and threaten to destroy everything she holds dear. But can she trust him?

As Bryn fights to clear her name, the Kanin rulers’ darkest secrets are coming to light…and now the entire troll world is on the brink of war. Will it tear Bryn from Ridley Dresden, the only guy she’s ever loved? And can she join forces with Finn Holms and the Trylle kingdom? Nothing is as it seems, but one thing is certain: an epic battle is under way—and when it’s over, nothing will ever be the same…

432 pages

 High-Rise by J.G. Ballard, read by Tom Hiddleston - ⭐⭐⭐

 When a class war erupts inside a luxurious apartment block, modern elevators become violent battlegrounds, and cocktail parties degenerate into marauding attacks on "enemy" floors. In this visionary tale, human society slips into violent reverse as once-peaceful residents, driven by primal urges, re-create a world ruled by the laws of the jungle.

 Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds - ⭐⭐⭐

 1 hour, 43 minutes

An ode to Put the Damn Guns Down, this is New York Times bestseller Jason Reynolds’s fiercely stunning novel that takes place in sixty potent seconds—the time it takes a kid to decide whether or not he’s going to murder the guy who killed his brother.

A cannon. A strap.

A piece. A biscuit.

A burner. A heater.

A chopper. A gat.

A hammer

A tool

for RULE

Or, you can call it a gun. That’s what fifteen-year-old Will has shoved in the back waistband of his jeans. See, his brother Shawn was just murdered. And Will knows the rules. No crying. No snitching. Revenge. That’s where Will’s now heading, with that gun shoved in the back waistband of his jeans, the gun that was his brother’s gun. He gets on the elevator, seventh floor, stoked. He knows who he’s after. Or does he? As the elevator stops on the sixth floor, on comes Buck. Buck, Will finds out, is who gave Shawn the gun before Will took the gun. Buck tells Will to check that the gun is even loaded. And that’s when Will sees that one bullet is missing. And the only one who could have fired Shawn’s gun was Shawn. Huh. Will didn’t know that Shawn had ever actually USED his gun. Bigger huh. BUCK IS DEAD. But Buck’s in the elevator? Just as Will’s trying to think this through, the door to the next floor opens. A teenage girl gets on, waves away the smoke from Dead Buck’s cigarette. Will doesn’t know her, but she knew him. Knew. When they were eight. And stray bullets had cut through the playground, and Will had tried to cover her, but she was hit anyway, and so what she wants to know, on that fifth floor elevator stop, is, what if Will, Will with the gun shoved in the back waistband of his jeans, MISSES.

And so it goes, the whole long way down, as the elevator stops on each floor, and at each stop someone connected to his brother gets on to give Will a piece to a bigger story than the one he thinks he knows. A story that might never know an END…if WILL gets off that elevator.

306 pages

 The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 It is freezing in the churchyard, even before the dead arrive.

Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her.

His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble.

But Blue is drawn to Gansey, in a way she can’t entirely explain. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more than that. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little.

For as long as she can remember, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.

409 pages

 The Dogs of Christmas by W. Bruce Cameron - ⭐⭐⭐

 While nursing a broken heart, Josh Michaels is outraged when a neighbor abandons his very pregnant dog, Lucy, at Josh's Colorado home. But Josh can't resist Lucy's soulful brown eyes, and though he's never had a dog before, he's determined to do the best he can for Lucy—and her soon-to-arrive, bound-to-be-adorable puppies.

Soon in over his head, Josh calls the local animal shelter for help, and meets Kerri, a beautiful woman with a quick wit and a fierce love for animals. As Kerri teaches Josh how to care for Lucy's tiny puppies and gets them ready to be adopted through the shelter's "Dogs of Christmas" program, Josh surprises himself by falling for her.

But he's fallen even harder for his new furry family, which has brought incredible joy into Josh's life. He barely has time to sit down, between chasing after adventurous Sophie and brave Oliver, but when he does, his lap is quickly filled by the affectionate Lola. And Rufus and Cody's strong bond makes Josh wonder about his own relationships with his family.

With Christmas and the adoption date looming, Josh finds himself wondering if he can separate himself from his beloved puppies. At odds with Kerri, Josh isn't willing to lose her, but doesn't know how to set things right. Can a surprise litter of Christmas puppies really change one man's life?

233 pages

 Wink Poppy Midnight by April Genevive Tucholke - ⭐⭐⭐

 Every story needs a hero.

Every story needs a villain.

Every story needs a secret.

Wink is the odd, mysterious neighbor girl, wild red hair and freckles. Poppy is the blond bully and the beautiful, manipulative high school queen bee. Midnight is the sweet, uncertain boy caught between them. Wink. Poppy. Midnight. Two girls. One boy. Three voices that burst onto the page in short, sharp, bewitching chapters, and spiral swiftly and inexorably toward something terrible or tricky or tremendous.

What really happened?

Someone knows.

Someone is lying.

247 pages

 Enthralled: Paranormal Diversion by Melissa Marr, Kelley Armstrong - ⭐⭐⭐

 A journey may take hundreds of miles, or it may cover the distance between duty and desire.

Sixteen of today’s hottest writers of paranormal tales weave stories on a common theme of journeying. Authors such as Kelley Armstrong, Rachel Caine, and Melissa Marr return to the beloved worlds of their bestselling series, while others, like Claudia Gray, Kami Garcia, and Margaret Stohl, create new land-scapes and characters. But whether they’re writing about vampires, faeries, angels, or other magical beings, each author explores the strength and resilience of the human heart.

Suspenseful, funny, or romantic, the stories in Enthralled will leave you moved.

443 pages

 The 100 by Kass Morgan - ⭐⭐⭐

  No one has set foot on Earth in centuries -- until now.

Ever since a devastating nuclear war, humanity has lived on spaceships far above Earth's radioactive surface. Now, one hundred juvenile delinquents -- considered expendable by society -- are being sent on a dangerous mission: to recolonize the planet. It could be their second chance at life...or it could be a suicide mission.

CLARKE was arrested for treason, though she's haunted by the memory of what she really did. WELLS, the chancellor's son, came to Earth for the girl he loves -- but will she ever forgive him? Reckless BELLAMY fought his way onto the transport pod to protect his sister, the other half of the only pair of siblings in the universe. And GLASS managed to escape back onto the ship, only to find that life there is just as dangerous as she feared it would be on Earth.

Confronted with a savage land and haunted by secrets from their pasts, the hundred must fight to survive. They were never meant to be heroes, but they may be mankind's last hope.

323 pages

 Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Twin sisters Jack and Jill were seventeen when they found their way home and were packed off to Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children.

This is the story of what happened first…

Jacqueline was her mother’s perfect daughter—polite and quiet, always dressed as a princess. If her mother was sometimes a little strict, it’s because crafting the perfect daughter takes discipline.

Jillian was her father’s perfect daughter—adventurous, thrill-seeking, and a bit of a tom-boy. He really would have preferred a son, but you work with what you've got.

They were five when they learned that grown-ups can’t be trusted.

They were twelve when they walked down the impossible staircase and discovered that the pretense of love can never be enough to prepare you a life filled with magic in a land filled with mad scientists and death and choices.

187 pages

 Beneath the Sugar Sky by Seanan McGuire - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Sumi died years before her prophesied daughter Rini could be born. Rini was born anyway, and now she’s trying to bring her mother back from a world without magic.

174 pages

 How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff - ⭐⭐⭐

 Fifteen-year-old Daisy is sent from Manhattan to England to visit her aunt and cousins she's never met: three boys near her age, and their little sister. Her aunt goes away on business soon after Daisy arrives. The next day bombs go off as London is attacked and occupied by an unnamed enemy.

As power fails, and systems fail, the farm becomes more isolated. Despite the war, it's a kind of Eden, with no adults in charge and no rules, a place where Daisy's uncanny bond with her cousins grows into something rare and extraordinary. But the war is everywhere, and Daisy and her cousins must lead each other into a world that is unknown in the scariest, most elemental way.

194 pages

 Defy by Sara B. Larson - ⭐⭐⭐

 Alexa Hollen is a fighter. Forced to disguise herself as a boy and serve in the king's army, Alex uses her quick wit and fierce sword-fighting skills to earn a spot on the elite prince's guard. But when a powerful sorcerer sneaks into the palace in the dead of night, even Alex, who is virtually unbeatable, can't prevent him from abducting her, her fellow guard and friend Rylan, and Prince Damian, taking them through the treacherous wilds of the jungle and deep into enemy territory.

The longer Alex is held captive with both Rylan and the prince, the more she realizes that she is not the only one who has been keeping dangerous secrets. And suddenly, after her own secret is revealed, Alex finds herself confronted with two men vying for her heart: the safe and steady Rylan, who has always cared for her, and the dark, intriguing Damian. With hidden foes lurking around every corner, is Alex strong enough to save herself and the kingdom she's sworn to protect?

336 pages

 Fever Crumb by Philip Reeve - ⭐⭐⭐

 Fever Crumb is a girl who has been adopted and raised by Dr. Crumb, a member of the order of Engineers, where she serves as apprentice. In a time and place where women are not seen as reasonable creatures, Fever is an anomaly, the only female to serve in the order.

Soon though, she must say goodbye to Dr. Crumb - nearly the only person she's ever known - to assist archeologist Kit Solent on a top-secret project. As her work begins, Fever is plagued by memories that are not her own and Kit seems to have a particular interest in finding out what they are. Fever has also been singled out by city-dwellers who declare her part Scriven.

The Scriveners, not human, ruled the city some years ago but were hunted down and killed in a victorious uprising by the people. If there are any remaining Scriven, they are to be eliminated.

All Fever knows is what she's been told: that she is an orphan. Is Fever a Scriven? Whose memories does she hold? Is the mystery of Fever, adopted daughter of Dr. Crumb, the key to the secret that lies at the heart of London?

326 pages

 The Eleventh Plague by Jeff Hirsch - ⭐⭐⭐

 In the aftermath of a war, America’s landscape has been ravaged and two-thirds of the population left dead from a vicious strain of influenza. Fifteen-year-old Stephen Quinn and his family were among the few that survived and became salvagers, roaming the country in search of material to trade. But when Stephen’s grandfather dies and his father falls into a coma after an accident, Stephen finds his way to Settler’s Landing, a community that seems too good to be true. Then Stephen meets strong, defiant, mischievous Jenny, who refuses to accept things as they are. And when they play a prank that goes horribly wrong, chaos erupts, and they find themselves in the midst of a battle that will change Settler’s Landing--and their lives--forever.

278 pages

 Legacy by L.J. Swallow - ⭐⭐⭐

 Verity Jameson's day switches from mundane to disastrous when she runs down a stranger with her car. Fortunately for Vee, she can't kill Death.

Death, who just happens to be one of the Four Horsemen, and he's looking for her.

The Four Horsemen spend life preventing the end of the world, not bringing on an apocalypse. As gatekeepers of the portals which exist between the human world and other realms, the team fight to keep the portals closed and the supernatural forces under control. Without their fifth member, the Four Horsemen are losing the battle.

Now they've found Verity and what they tell her goes far beyond the conspiracy theories Vee spends her free time investigating.

A new life with four dark, sexy and dangerous men fighting demons, vampires and fae? Not what Vee had planned, but a hell of a lot more interesting than her boring job in tech support.

So what happens when the unbreakable bond of the Five takes control in a way none of them expected?

133 pages

 Bound by L.J. Swallow – ⭐⭐⭐

 Ewan's shock revelation sends Vee's life further into chaos, and she faces an uncertain future in a secret world she never knew existed.

Vee joins the Four Horsemen's hunt for those behind the plot to murder a fae queen, where she discovers society faces bigger dangers than she realised.

One night changes everything and increases Vee's determination to harness her power and step into her new role.

The Four Horsemen now have their missing link and will each do anything to protect and support her, but Vee's determined to show them she can be their equal.

The group are about to find out exactly how powerful Truth is

170 pages

 Hunted by L.J. Swallow – ⭐⭐⭐

 Who is Vee? Where did she come from? And what is the darkness the fae can see inside her?

Xander's reaction to these questions drives a bigger wedge between the fae and the Horsemen. His move isn't popular with the others because right now they need fae help more than ever.

A bloody message and a series of murders lead to a search for a threat from the past. Instead, the Horsemen encounter something new and dangerous. The race is on to find out what the creatures are and how big a threat they are to an already chaotic world.

Vee discovers using her powers has a strange effect on her relationship with the Horsemen. Although this pulls her closer to the guys, the conflict between Vee and Xander continues. But is the greatest conflict within himself?

And as the Five search for answers, someone watches. What does he know? Can he help? Or does he have an agenda of his own?

180 pages

 Guardians by L.J. Swallow –  ⭐⭐⭐

 Assassins, ancient magic, and the mysterious Collector bring new challenges to the Horsemen. Can the five find the answers they need before it's too late?

Three humans are dead, and the search is on for the surviving member from Vee's online group. If he's alive, Seth could hold the key to who's behind the attacks -- and why the group are targets.

Thanks to their broken alliance with the fae, the Four Horseman and Vee must turn to others for help and are pulled deeper into the supernatural underworld. The danger the world faces is greater than they imagined and someone is determined the Horsemen will fail.

The Four Horsemen will each do whatever it takes to protect Vee, but as Vee's relationship with the guys intensifies, so does her power. How powerful can she become and at what cost to the Four Horsemen's future?

171 pages

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[cherryjoylunagblog]

THE OPTIMISTIC FRIEND FROM ABRA

“There will always be rainbow after the rain, never lose hope and just keep the faith going”

If I am to describe this beautiful creature in one word it would be Optimistic. I’ll introduce to you a very inspirational person who never fears someone. A person that is full of Confidence and Positivity.

Alvinden Guitterez the pride of Abra. At a very young age Alvinden has proven a lot of things that makes his parents and school proud. He was a very talented and competitive student where in he became the school representative for the Provincial eliminations of the UP Namnama for three consecutive years. He was also named third place in the Short Story Ilocano Category and eventually that granted him a ticket to the Regional Eliminations held last January 2020 at Baguio City where he won again second place in the same category. And also awarded by a Non- Government Organization the National Discipline Award along with hundreds of others from the different parts of the Philippines. But he cannot achieve all these prestigious awards without the unending support of his friends and most especially his parents.

Alvinden grew up at Lagangilang Abra. He was the only child of his parents Arturo Gutierrez and Edna Balmaceda. At a very young age, his mother needed to work abroad in order to provide for their family so he was left with in his Father’s care and Grandmother. As time goes by his life never become as easy as what other thinks. He also survived waves of trials in life and conquered  a lot fears and judgements. But this man is very tough, fearless and Positve.

”One thing that best describes my life so far is blessed. With the many that I've experienced, be it sorrowful or joyful, I think that I am blessed with the life I don't really wanted but the life that God has purposely given to me. It made me stronger, made me wiser, and made me the person who I am today. I am blessed not because I have material things to be proud of rather I am blessed because this life is gift from God”

One of  his issue before is  dealing with his sexuality. Alvinden is part of the LGBT community where in he experienced harsh words and bullying from the other people.That cause him his biggest insecurities. He sometimes feel he was not beautiful that he is not nice, he  struggled so much with the way he look and on how to present himself to other people physically since he  was a fat person. But God make him realized that he he perfectly and beautifully made. That he shouldn’t mind the people who are judging him since in the first place they do not know him. When I asked him what will you say to yourself or promise then he said.

“There is one promise I have for myself and that is to never change because of other people's perception. Learning to accept what I have and taking those opinions as a constructive criticism and use that as a way or motivation to improve myself not perfectly but for the best with of course, true and real happiness will make me understand that being me is enough and that I don't need to please everyone. I should trust my self more than anyone else, and start making a positive impact to break the stereotypes towards beauty. This statement may sound cliche to everyone but it is true that “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY”.

Alvinden is currently a freshman Political Science Student at the University of Cordilleras. He finished his Grade School and Highschool at Holy Cross School Lagangilang Abra, a Catholic School. For him High school was the best part of life as a student. It made him even more aware of what the real world is. It allowed him to open doors of opportunities through which he thankful the most. He experienced becoming a student leader, a student commentator during mass, a pageant organizer, host for various activities and events, a choreographer and a trainer for performing arts such as dance and drum and glockenspiel or marching band. This 18-year-old student is aiming for opportunities to come in his life and career. He would like to become a successful educator and at the same time a lawyer someday. He wanted to take the course Political Science in order to get himself closer to the dreams that He wanted to pursue and given that it is one of the best preparatory courses when it comes to law. He has set of goals that he wanted to turn into reality. He wants to travel the world and experience its various people, tourist destinations, food, and their rich culture and traditions that makes them diverse in nature. He also wants to finish his studies in order for him to give back to his parents to which brought him to where I he is so far.

Aside from being a hardworking student he is also a jolly and funny person to his friends and family. He is the Clown of the group, that is why he has a lot of friends. He loves several activities including photography and Modeling. And he is a huge Fan of Korean Wave like Kdrama, K foods and K-pop. He is a self-proclaimed “ARMY” a BTS fan and someday, He want to meet them or even attend into their sold-out concerts. He loves their music for him it I feel like he was in a cloud nine every time he hears their music/songs. These and many more are the things that he wanted to achieve and hoping it will turn out well.

As his classmate and friend, I am so amazed and inspired by how he answers my questions and I am so proud of him. He was so Fearless and full of hope. I can see sincerity in is answers and the way he talks. Alvinden is such a inspiration for someone like me who has insecurities.

“True beauty is not measured by a mere physical appearance, but it is more than that. The bad memories that I have in the past has made me a strong person and had brought me to where I am now. Instead of hating those people who discriminated me,  I am thankful and will forever be thankful that without you, there is no room for improvement within my self. You're the reason why I have the confidence to accept my insecurities and be who I truly am.

I am beautiful and those who think I'm not are nothing but abnormal and insecure.”

        - Alvinden Guitterez

[atrayo]

Jewels of Truth Statements and Favorite Quotes of the Month of October x2

Hello All,

Since the festive occasion of celebrating the spirits of yesteryears and the merrymaking of All Hallow's Eve is merely one week away. I also wanted to observe at least the religious Christian or at least Catholic holidays of all Saints Day November 1st and All Souls Day November 2nd. Although I started off as Roman-Catholic making it as far as my 1st Communion. Now I belong in my conviction to all the benevolent faiths, philosophies, and traditions of God(dess). I suppose allowing the angels of grace to groom me for over 34 years now their outlook from a macro-perspective has rubbed off on me.

Today I wish to share another trio of "Jewels of Truth" statements as Inspirational automatic writing of angelic wisdom. For those with very little to nothing in understanding about automatic writing or psychography. It is an intuitive psychic ability in terms of taking diction and feeling for the words telepathically. In the 25 plus years of doing this clairaudient spiritual Intuitive art form, I have never ever have had writer's block period! The content speaks for itself using my vocabulary however not my writing style, nonetheless, it is like a merging of the best of my humanity and their divinity. To bring these messages across the threshold of time/space reality aka our world.

The angelic wisdom topics for today are on Truth, Divine Faith, and the Sounds of Creation. This last topic I channeled from the Archangel of Sandalphon as an ascended master. I usually channel from nameless angels of the Heavenly Host, however, I get a celebrity angelic entity every now and again. ;o)

As always may you find peace and comfort when reflecting on the premise being presented regardless if you can fully digest them. It is more about exposure and expanding your spiritual horizons for the novice to adept of other traditions to ruminate upon. Amen.

Truth:

2961) The world at least most of it seeks a truth that will comfort them from the woes of life. Many succumb to settle for biased truths that are presented in essence. This only serves for a moment as a half-truth that given time becomes a warped sense of reality. That leads those who follow it to a whole lie unfortunately only realizing this at the bitter end of their struggles, if at all?

The world can only do better when it lives with a compassionate sense of fairness as a level playing field of equitable grace for all stakeholders. Short of such a humane ethical rule there will be winners and losers living flawed lives collectively. What was once a standard becomes warped by cheats looking for flawed efficiencies that lead to eventual ruin.

Only when the truth is unconditionally presented in a moderated fair fashion can it overcome vile tendencies of injustice. Besides that of other foibles of the human condition upon this half-prepared civilization therein. No other force universally but that of God. Has so much pregnant potency to cause metaphoric mountains to crash them into the seas of hope and despair worldwide.

We the Angelic Host are the arbitrators of Creation meting out truths of all sorts and of all Infinite kinds of the Glory of God everlasting. Always by means of the Mysterious Will of God(dess) that bends not only towards justice as an arch of a living endless grace. But, towards a sacred Absolute Love as the substance of God made manifest in each of us forever.

Truth is only illuminated God as itself come alive as a healing balm and a weapon of discord. It is up to the created Children of God to wield it responsibly or not. Judgment is always final by and for God Almighty collectively in an all Inclusive macroscopic and microscopic manner. However, there is always Absolute Forgiveness as an eternal Love made manifest to reconcile evil with righteousness. Purely through an aperture of an apex original supreme enlightenment of God as him/her/itself in absolute truth. Amen. ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo.

Divine Faith:

2981) To be earnest reveals an initiative whose time has come forward. Only with such an impulse to succeed in whatever scope is your genuine attempt at first glance. Can it be revealed that the inner beauty of what is nearly inescapable of being fully articulated?

Here we stand at the crossroads of the divine and the mundane realities that dare to defy comprehension much less communication. By figuring out our choices with the grandest of sweeping changes of what the world tells us is correct when at times that too is wholly a fallacy. How does one endear the right outcomes when the options at hand are either incomplete, flawed, or plain nearly impossible to reach adequately in one lifetime alone?

The divine is often seen as a short-cut to triumph over the world. However, these ineffable truths are actually farther away than what they seem in temporal appearances. What appears as a simple effort soon bogs down an individual of faith with unforeseen conundrums. Thinking it is only a stroll down the street back to God is part of an illusion of our very own wishful making in naive terms of spiritual being. One unfortunately soon realizes it isn't just a short jaunt of faith, but a saga of a Heroes Journey as a trek of a lifetime.

Regardless of being a man, woman, or child in the world, the crucible is narrow at first until the proverbial wheat is separated from the chaff. A mirage-like no other of actual endless distance that most do not gauge appropriately until one finds solace at a soulful Inn as a pitstop along the route of the holies.

Nonetheless, such perseverance soon showcases the merit of a spirit upon the world the valor not just of the self, but the divine one within. That those with a sense of duty can reveal wonders few dare to imagine. After mere decades of service in whatever capacity is their corresponding love of God in this world. It is not a journey of a thousand steps or miles, but actually a journey of a thousand lifetimes upon this our shared eternity.

Success is achievable however not on your schedule but on the divine ones within the rays of the blessed out of physical reach but within emotional release by tenderness. This holy union may feel tepid at first as an acolyte to say the least as unproven soil. Only when the seeds are hardy can the meeting between divine sunlight and earth with nurturing grace as the living waters reveal back your courage to yourself. Eventually, a blushing first bud emerges as a sprout of new life and this is the first shoots of the heavens urging you to grow and grow some more.

The Divine Holy Ones realize our flawed childish nature now and always so this is why they always make the 1st gesture of grace on our behalf. Whether we realize it at first glance or not. They keep tapping upon our consciousness with an unceasing dedication to awaken us from the slumber of the world. Be it a pleasant dream at the time or an ongoing horrible nightmare of our broken human lives. Offering us a potential happily ever after of a fairy tale not at the very beginning but halfway in the middle of our lives and certainly upon the afterlife. No one is ever too old and too late for a miracle of God to sweep them off their feet. Amen.  ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo.

Sounds of Creation:

2982) To our Ears of all Life itself listen as the echoes of the divine permeates every tonal fiber of the living and the dying upon this reality alone. What is inaudible to the conscious mind of humanity is actually heard by other subliminal parts of the physical forms of your bodies collectively. Much like a sponge of tissues, sinew, and a latticework of veins and some arteries.

The sounds of the cosmos pre-date all life on Earth at least physically. However, the gas stellar winds that now make-up your solar system. Had inputs from its surrounding stars humming at sonic intervals of profound frequencies akin to a fanciful language all of its own kind. Stars communicate by light, sound, and various other disturbances as forms of deep spatial gravitational distortions. Akin to what can be construed as gas clouds or nebulas of various orders of scales dimensionally speaking. From the seen to the unseen spectrums of not ultra-violet light but through sub-atomic darkness of what is there but not shown.

What is gibberish to one listener is an orchestra of immense natural beauty to another set of ears. It is all subjective for what one listens or actually hears when the intentional focus of the mind is truly involved. Now to be certain there are omissions of reason when the sounds of Mother Nature as Creation itself sound absurd to the human ear canals.

Nonetheless, the beauty of sweeping harmonies can soothe the angry from a beast of burden, including that of humanity. Music not only heals the psyche it can expand the capacity for the mind to grow by many subtle dimensional corresponding factors of forethought. When the listener is exposed to audible and certainly specific inaudible tonal modalities one can begin to defy the known norms of logic. Well into robust forms of healing, learning, and creative Intuitions known simply as gut instincts that always pan out as real.

Here too the expanse of the Divine Spirit of God(dess) in each of us defies reasons for existing at all. Nonetheless, here we are together in what seems like silence and separations is actually a cacophony of clashing inaudible tones colliding by means of Creation fully alive as ourselves. Amen. ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo. (Channeled by the Archangel Sandalphon)

In creating a place of honor for every issue, and every experience we create a different form of power that is rooted in the whole truth of who we are. ---AI-Jen Poo.

Our fates are tied. We have this strange notion on this planet that our fates are not tied. If it were not so we would not be here together. It's that simple. ---Luisah Teish.

Gratefulness opens me up to receive the flow of blessing and connects me with the source of that flow. ---Rabbi Shefa Gold.

Ivan "Atrayo" Pozo-Illas, has devoted 25 years of his life to the pursuit of clairvoyant Inspired automatic writing channeling the Angelic host. Ivan is the author of the spiritual wisdom series of "Jewels of Truth" consisting of 3 volumes published to date. He also channels conceptual designs that are multi-faceted for the next society to come that are solutions based as a form of dharmic service. Numerous examples of his work are available at "Atrayo's Oracle" blog site of 15 years plus online. Your welcome to visit his website "Jewelsoftruth.us" for further information or to contact Atrayo directly.  

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