#but this is a doodle ive had in my head the past couple days

[liquidstar]

<3

#its been a long time since ive done pixel art like this #but this is a doodle ive had in my head the past couple days #and ive had a rough day so i dont have energy to do a big drawing but i did wanna draw Something to unwind #but yeah its just about fond childhood memories. we havent spoken in a long time but its still nice to look back on those times #so i tried to get the colors to look kind of like sepia.... #but wherever my childhood bestie is i hope shes well truly. even if its been a while since we were in contact i wish her all the happiness #finn's art #pixel art

[justmeinadaze]

Aftercare Part 2 (Steddie X You)

A/N: I had an extremely ugh day (couple of days actually) so Ive been living in this fic, writing it out lol Enjoy it <3. I feel safe with them.

Part One Here

Warnings: Dom Steddie and Sub Reader and all that implies (I regret nothing!) , Spanking, DP, mentions of previous bad past relationships for the reader, Smut and fluff. No angst today my friends.

Word Count: 4275

It had been a few days since your tender incident with your roommates Eddie and Steve. The day after they took care of you, you found yourself incredibly sore, not just between your legs but your ass and wrists as well. 

The continued to look after you, changing your bandages and icing the swollen area of your limbs. Today they both had to work so your plan for the rest of the afternoon was to put on one of Steve’s shirts and cocoon yourself in Eddie’s bed while you waited for them to come home.  

As you entered Steve’s room, you found yourself looking at it with a completely new set of eyes. The smell of his cologne hung in the air making you dizzy as your memory floated to him sitting on the edge of the bathtub caressing your thighs. Your fingers ran across his dresser as your grinned at the pictures you passed of the three of you together. On his desk were some applications for jobs he had been looking at including one at his father’s firm but thankfully he hadn’t filled that out yet and you hoped he never would. 

Yellow notepad paper caught your eye and you reached over to bring it closer to you so you could read it. 

Sexy things I think Y/N would enjoy:

Spanking (The correct way!)

Restriction/ Handcuffs (Eddie may have some that won’t hurt her.)

Daddy? (This is more for me and Ed. I know it turned me on hearing her talk like she did.)

DP ( I think she’d love to have us both inside her especially with how fucking tight she is…) 

I know she said she likes it rough. Eddie said he had some ideas of things he did with other girls. I don’t think she wants us to really hurt her…I don’t know. I should ask her…

Edging ( I just want to hear her beg me in that little voice to allow her to cum)

Role play? (She loves scary movies. I bet she’d love Eddie and I pretending to stalk her and then using her.)(Seriously that thought got me ridiculously hard!)

You smiled as you read his list. The men you tried this dynamic with were always pretty selfish, focusing on their own pleasure instead of yours. Steve seemed to genuinely care about you and your feelings; they both did and always had. 

Picking up a nearby pen you scrawled a note of your own on the bottom. 

All of these sound fantastic, Stevie! Or should I say Daddy? ;).

Reaching into his closet you grabbed one of his button up shirts, giggling as you wrapped in around your naked skin. He was so much bigger than you were, his shirt feeling like a nightgown as it touched past your knees. It made you feel safe, as if he was there right now with his arms around you. 

You pleasantly sighed as you left and headed to Eddie’s room. The metalhead was night to Steve’s day. Where Steve’s room was neat and organized, Ed’s was a complete disaster. His room had a cologne smell like the other boys but it was hidden under is signature smell of cigarettes with a dash of weed.

Even the pictures he had of you three were slightly different. All of Steve’s were from outside in the sun whether it be at the beach or a school event you guys had attended in high school. Eddie’s were from nighttime activities like after one of his shows at the bar or a heavy metal concert outside of town. 

You grinned as your finger’s ran over his guitar. God, you loved watching him play. The way his eyes zeroed in as he focused on the notes or the way his fingers moved across the strings… Fuck. A small moan left you at the memory of those same fingers thrusting inside of you. 

As you sat on his bed, one of his composition books bent into your thigh. You opened it expecting to find doodles and notes on his next D & D campaign but were surprised to see song titles. 

Y/N’s Mixtape 

No One Like You- Scorpions

Little Lover- AC/DC

Rock Me- Great White

Why am I not better at this?! 

I don’t want them all to be sexual! I need to ask the guys. 

-Learn to play Def Leppard 

I want to play a song for her on stage and I know she likes them.

Photograph or maybe Animal?

Not Pour Some Sugar! Too cliché!

It took you awhile to find anything to write with in Eddie’s room so you settled on a marker you found under a pile of clothes. 

“You got some kinda hold on me You're all wrapped up in mystery So wild and free So far from me You're all I want, my fantasy.”

Your grin grew as you turned on his stereo and Metallica lightly flowed through the speakers. Finding a spot in the middle of his bed, you curled up into a ball, hugging his composition book to your chest as you slowly drifted off to sleep. 

##############

The bed dipped by your side, followed by the notebook gently being pulled from your grasp. 

“Did she write something in it to?”

You kept your eyes closed so you could hear what they would say when they thought you weren’t listening. You could hear the subtle smile in Steve’s tone as he asked Eddie his question who responded with an equally happy sounding voice. 

“Yeah, she did.”

“What does yours say?”

You felt a calloused palm tenderly pet your head, pushing your hair out of your face. 

“I wanted to play something on stage for her. I thought she deserved something special after what she went through…has been through with those other assholes. She provided a suggestion.”, he grinned. “What about yours?”

“Shit, dude. What I was working on wasn’t as romantic as yours.”, Steve chuckles. “I, uh, wrote down some things I thought she’d like to try…in bed, you know? Especially since no one seems to be doing it correctly. I still can’t believe she didn’t know what aftercare was.”

“Yeah…what did she write? Hell, what did YOU write?!”, Eddie laughs at his friend. 

“She said she liked them all especially, um, calling us Daddy.” The bed gradually dipped on your other side as he lowered his voice. “Dude, that little voice she spoke to us in—fuck—I’ve been jerking off to that sound for the past few days.”

You tried so hard to hold it in but it was impossible to catch the heavy, pleasure filled sigh that escaped your lips. 

“Hey Harrington, did your list mention touching her while she slept?”

“Naw, Ed, it didn’t. I think this sweet girl would hate that we made her feel good and she wasn’t awake for it.”

“Very true. We can think of it like a punishment for snooping around our rooms and taking your shirt without asking.”

“I wasn’t snooping.”

“Oh shit, Munson. Would you look at that. She’s awake.” You slowly open your eyes to meet their beautiful smiling faces. 

“I just wanted to be close to you guys since you were both gone.” Sitting up, you lean your cheek on Eddie’s shoulder. “I missed you two.”

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

You excitedly flash them your wrists. “Much better! And I can definitely sit normally now.”, you giggle.

“Did that prick call you?” Steve sighed when you shook your head. 

“Probably won’t come around again until he’s horny.”

“Well, he’ll have to go through us so…” A wicked grin spread across Eddie’s face when he noticed you exhale again. “You really like us being protective over you, don’t you?”

“I like knowing that I’m safe and cared for.” Your head hung in shame. “I’ve never felt that before.”

Steve’s fingers hooked under your chin, lifting you to face them. “You’re always safe with us. We would never make you feel unwanted or unloved.”

That giddy feeling from the other day returned at his words as you shuffled your shoulders and beamed with pride.

“Can-Can we play?”

The metalhead chuckled as he turned to Steve. “She’s so polite. I love it. Which makes me wonder…Y/N, were those other guys just hitting you to hit you? Like with your idiot, why did he spank you with a belt?”

Your eyes narrow at him as his choice of words for your now ex-boyfriend. “I told him I wanted to try something rougher so he said he could spank me.”

“But that’s not you, is it, sweetheart? I mean you’re not into that sado-masochistic stuff. No judgement if you are.”, he grins. 

“No, I don’t want to be hurt like that. I just…like being controlled… and punished if I do something wrong.”

“Like going through our stuff when we aren’t here.”, Steve replied.

“I wasn’t going through your things! I just—”

Eddie interrupted you by roughly grabbing your jaw. “Didn’t sound like to me he was asking but telling you that you did something incorrect. For a pretty girl that’s so polite, you should know it’s not ok to touch other people’s property when they aren’t there.”

The action of him grabbing you and talking the way he was had your pussy clenching as you felt yourself slowly dropping. 

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I did a bad thing.”

“It’s okay, honey. You’ll learn.” Steve smiled as the metalhead loosened his grip. His eyes were constantly scanning your face for any discomfort. You seemed to be enjoying yourself so far so Eddie continued. 

“Do you have a safe word you prefer?”

“I usually use Red. I mean, I haven’t used it yet but…”

“Tough girl. Can I ask you something and I want you to be honest?”

“Yes of course.”

“Have you wanted to but you felt embarrassed? You said last time that fucker hit you too hard sometimes. Why didn’t you use it?”

“It’s not that I feel embarrassed… I don’t want to seem weak…”

They both heavily sighed but Steve couldn’t help himself as he climbed further up the bed and collected you in his arms. 

“Y/N, we know you’ve been through a lot. Not just with guys but with your family to. You’re not weak if you need to stop because you feel uncomfortable.”

“Promise us, princess. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or anything like that, you will say that safe word. No matter what we will still love you.”

“I promise.” To add emphasis and lighten the mood you do the “cross my heart” gesture along your chest making them laugh.

Eddie crawled up the bed as well till he was shoulder to shoulder with Steve. “What do you think, Harrington? Should we let this descension slide just this one time?

“I mean, little girl needs to learn the rules and respect us, right?”

“I-I respect you…”, you mumble. 

“Hm. I don’t know, baby. Maybe just a small punishment, Munson. Just to let it really sink in.”

The man nods and motions for you lay your head on his lap, adjusting you so you stomach was across the other man’s thighs and your ass accessible. Steve tugs your panties down your legs, gently running his palm over the soft flesh. 

“These cuts do look a lot better, Y/N. You said they don’t hurt anymore?”

You shook you head aggressively before responding in a tone that had both boys subtly groaning. “Eddie took really good care of me.” 

“Yeah, he did.” A small yelp left your throat as his hand came down on your backside. It wasn’t hard but meant to tease while making sure you were okay. “How did that feel, honey?”

The metalhead brushed back your hair from your face as your nails dug into his jeaned leg. 

“Good. S-s-so good.”, you moaned. “You can spank me harder i-if you want to.”

Steve didn’t do it immediately, choosing to run his hands along your skin before finally rearing back and delivering a much harder smack that had you pushing up on your arms. 

“Do you like that, princess? Do you like Steve spanking you?”

Your eyes practically roll out of your skull as he does it again a bit harder. “F-fuck, yes I like it.”

“Say it correctly, babe.”

*SMACK*

“Mmm—I like Steve spanking me.”

“Jesus… here, Y/N. Don’t…don’t move.”

The man slides out from under you and you hear sounds behind you of him shuffling around before something clanks loudly to the floor. 

“Again, didn’t take long for Harrington to get naked.”, Eddie chuckles making you smile as he continues to play with your hair. 

Your hips are abruptly lifted so your lower half is more exposed for him on your knees as he firmly spanks you again before his tongue suddenly licks between your folds. 

“Steve! Oh my god…”

“It’s ok, baby. You’re ok. Remember, you’re safe with us.”, Eddie coos. “As sexy as you look, I’m going to slide this shirt off you.” 

You lift up on your hands again, helping pull Steve’s shirt over your head as the boy behind you continues to aggressively devour you, moaning into your cunt as he strokes his length. 

Pulling back, his palm comes down on your ass and you mewl as your head falls back down to Eddie’s lap. One of his hands reach underneath you to grab a handful of your breast as the other pushes his tongue back inside of you. 

“You really are so beautiful, sweet girl. You deserve to be treated right.” His fingers caress your nipples causing you to moan as he gently tugs on the erect bud. “Do you want that? Do you want us to take care of you and make you happy?”

“You…you both have—fuck—have always made me…happy.”

Your answer genuinely makes him smile. “Not like this, sweetheart.”

Your mouth falls open in a silent whimper as you cum, body collapsing as you twitch with pleasure. Sighing, you feel yourself being lifted and wrapped up in Steve’s embrace again. Your eyes remain shut as you inhale him, forehead pressed to his neck as they both tenderly praise you. 

“I want you both…to feel me at…at the same time. I don’t think it’s fair for the first time we’re together one of you has me first.”

“Who said we were going to fuck you tonight?” Your eyes meet Eddie’s playful ones, glimmering with mischief. “I mean, you misbehaved and then, I don’t know about you Stevie, but…” He obnoxiously stretches his arms wide. “I had a LONG, stressful day.”

“I did to, Ed. There were so many rude customers and we were SO busy. I kept thinking ‘Gosh I can’t wait to come home and just crash on my bed ALL ALONE.’”

“Oh, come on! Like you haven’t been thinking about fucking me for the past few days.” You crawl off Steve’s lap and climb into Eddie’s, straddling his waist. “I have ever since I saw you both naked. I kept thinking ‘How could I have known these men for so long, lived under the same roof even, and had no idea their cocks were that big.’”

The boy underneath you exhaled through his nose at your words, feeling his dick get unbearably hard against his jeans. Your palms glided down his chest, raising off his shirt before leaning forward to place delicate kisses along his shoulders and neck. 

“Please, Eddie. You both deserve to feel good to. Make me yours.”

The metalhead practically growled as he crashed his lips to your own. Effortlessly, he lifted you off him, passing you to Steve who was more than happy to pick up where his friend left off. 

“Have you ever done this before?”

“Not at one time. I have had anal but…”

The man’s fingers tenderly lift your chin. “It didn’t feel good?”

Your own fingers run through his hair as you place a kiss on his lips. “Not with him but I trust you two.”

Steve grinned as he held on to your waist, shifting his body down the bed till he was flat on his back. A now naked Eddie pounced back onto the mattress making you laugh before licking your lips as you watch him pour some lube into his hand and stroke it along his cock. 

“You ready, honey?”

You nod as Steve grips the base of his own cock, allowing you to descend onto it at your own pace. Even with just the tip of him inside of you already full.

“Steve…fuck…”, you moaned, lowering yourself further. 

“Yes, baby, you’re doing so good. Just…take your time. Y/N, I…”

“T-tell me, please.”

“I’ve never felt a pussy this fucking tight before. Fuck me, Ed. You don’t even know what you’re about to experience.” His words had you fluttering around him making him groan until you were fully seated on top of him. “Don’t fucking move. I swear I don’t know how long I’m going to last.” His newfound gruff tone had you clenching again, leaning forward on your hands as Eddie gently pushed you down.

“Oh yeah? You like hearing me tell you what to do?”

Steve watched as your face scrunched together as Eddie gradually began pushing his dick into your ass. 

“Jesus Christ.”, he grunted under his breath. 

The other man grabbed your throat, pulling you closer to his face. “I asked you a question, little girl. You want to play rough you have to show respect. Now…” They both thrust their hips into you roughly at the same time eliciting an obscenely beautiful moan from your lips as your forehead fell on his. “Do you like hearing me telling you what to do?”

“Y-yes, Steve. I-I-I like it.”

His hand snaked around to the back of your neck, bringing your lips to his as they began thrusting into you. Eddie’s palm slid up your back, intertwining his fingers in your hair as he yanked it back. 

Steve looked up at you with half-lidded eyes swearing he had never seen anything or anyone so perfect. He had always hated the way people in your life treated you. To him, you deserved the world but he had always been so scared to make a move. He was terrified of losing you and at least as your friend and roommate he could keep an eye on you, protecting you while being there when you needed him. 

Eddie spanked you hard and you whimpered at the feeling as he leaned over you to kiss along your shoulder; his ear closer to your lips so we could absorb those gorgeous sounds coming from them. The metalhead struggled to get along with anyone but could always connect with you and Steve. You always made him feel like a person and not the freak everyone thought he was. There was that level of insecurity within him though that felt you could do better than him. He always wanted to tell you how much he truly loved you but, like Steve, was so scared of losing you. 

Truth be told, they needed you as much as you needed them. 

“Fuck me…I’m gonna fucking cum. Do-do you feel comfortable with us—”

“Yes!”, you cut Steve off. “Fuck yes—mmm—please. Fill me up, Daddy.”

“God fucking hell—”, his voice strained as he tightly gripped your hips, trusting into you roughly as his spend released inside of you. 

Eddie wrapped his arm around your chest, pulling you up against his own as his fingers reached between your legs to rub your clit. 

“Cum, pretty girl. Fucking squeeze us both as fucking hard as you do. Come on, baby.” He kept urging you as he pumped faster.

“What-what should I—fuck—call you? Are you Daddy to?”

“I’m whatever you want me to be, princess. As long as you do what I say.”

Your arms clung to his as you placed your lips against his ear. “I know—mmm—you’re an amazing…dungeon master. Do-do you want to be my master to?”

The moan that left his throat was too much for you as your eyes closed and you came. Eddie soon followed, pounding into you roughly till he grunted against your skin and released his seed inside of you. 

The three of you collapsed on the bed, panting as you tried to catch your breaths. As Steve started to stand however, you quickly reached for his arm. 

“Don’t leave!”

“Whoa! Hey, honey, it’s ok. I’m not leaving. I was just going to get something to clean you with because I assumed you wanted to lay here for a little bit before taking a shower.”

He could still see the panic in your eyes until Eddie’s arm slid under yours and pulled you tighter against his sweaty chest. “It’s ok, sweetheart. I’m right here. You’re not alone.”

“Did you wanna take a shower now?” The metalhead chuckles as you nod, Steve smiling as he lifts you into his arms. “Maybe we should do it like this till she gets more comfortable.”

“I’m sorry.”, you pout; afraid your making things too difficult.

“Baby, there’s no reason to be sorry. Now, Eddie, on the other hand should be sorry for how much of mess this fucking bathroom is.”

Said boy who had been getting the shower ready, stood to his full height and playfully squinted at his friend. “Excuse me. Rude. I like my bathroom. I know where everything is.”

“Yeah, on the floor.”

You giggle at their banter as you step into the tub. “I don’t mind your bathroom, Ed.”

“THANK YOU, princess.”

After both men follow you in, you stand still allowing them to clean and take care of you. There was a vast difference between this time and last time. The biggest one being while they had been rough with you there wasn’t any lingering intense pain. You ass stung where they had spanked you but it was a good burn that had you softly sigh as you leaned back against Steve’s chest. 

You were already sore between your legs and your ass but it was a dull, lingering pain that you knew would have you constantly thinking about them and how good they made you feel. 

That garbage feeling you had come to know after each sexual encounter wasn’t present here. All their attention was on you and as they continued to care for you, you felt your brain slowly return and leave that previous headspace you were in. They never pushed you or made you feel rushed. Because you had felt so heavy and collapsed in his arms last time, Eddie always kept his hand or arm on your waist just in case. 

If you happened to feel that clingy impulse, you would rub your nose into Steve’s chest and he would smile softly as he held you to him. After you and they were clean, they quickly dried you, shoved a shirt over your head, and jokingly tossed you back into bed.

Eddie chose to remain naked, lighting a cigarette as Steve thew on some boxers before laying on either side of you. 

“Fuck. Look at me being a dick. Y/N, is it ok if I smoke this close to you?”

“It’s fine, Ed. I don’t mind.”, you grin. There was a comfortable silence that feel over the room as you laid together. Your smile grows as you place your hand on Steve’s chest. “Um, so I’ve never done roleplay or any other punishment type stuff before but I’m opening to trying anything you suggest. Just nothing too violent… like don’t punch me or anything.”

“Who wanted to punch you?!”

“No one! I just… I’m still learning…”

“Sweetheart, no one should be punching or kicking you.” Eddie raised his arm and you lifted your head to rest on top of it. “Did you like what we did here?”

“Yeah!”, you exclaim a bit too excitedly making them chuckle. “I, um, I didn’t hate the belt with my ex. I just—he just—”

“It’s too hard. Y/N, is that your way of saying you’d like to add that into our thing here?”, Steve smiles coyly. 

“I think as long as I’m with you two, I’ll like anything you try.”

Eddie squished the cigarette into the ashtray, rolling onto his side to face you. “Is it ok if we try, maybe, taking you out to dinner or a movie?”

“Eddie, of course. I love hanging out with you guys.”

“That’s not what he means, honey.”

“Oh…”

“Before you said you didn’t want this to be a one-time thing but you didn’t actually say if—”

“You wanted to be our girl or just do this.”, the man gestures around the bed. 

You scoot your body further down the mattress and grab Eddie’s cheeks as you place your lips on his. As you roll over, you do the same with Steve before settling down fully in the metalhead’s embrace. 

“’Our girl?’ Is this the 60’s? Are you going to give me your jacket pin, Steve Harrington?”, you teased. 

“If that’s what you want, pretty girl. Hell, I’ll do whatever I have to do to show the world how much I love you.” His tone dropped to a more serious register as he reached out to caress your cheek. “WE love you.”

Eddie lightly gripped your jaw, turning you to face him. “We do. Now I don’t have a jacket pin but I can tattoo my name on you somewhere.”

“No!”, you laugh as his fingers tickle up your sides. “I love you to. I’d love to be your girl."

#steddie #eddie munson #stranger things #steve harrington #joseph quinn #fan fiction #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson smut #joe keery #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #daddy steve harrington #sir eddie munson #steddie x y/n #eddie fanfic #steddie ask #steve stranger things #aftercare #aftercare is important #steddie x reader #steddie smut #steddie x you #steddie fluff #steddie fanfiction

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

pt.1: the swapping begins

-> 4-fking-am masterlist <-

b:katsuki / f.reader

genre: neighbor au, pro-hero bakugou

warning(s)!!: bakugou's potty mouth (ofc)

status: on-going!

synopsis: you had just moved into your new apartment and like every other college student under the sun, you had the worst sleep scheudle known to man.  due to this, you find yourself playing music through your speakers at 4 am. your neighbor slides you a note under your door about your ‘shitty’ taste in music, thus the note swaps begin.

a/n: the first part has arrived! hopefully, updates on this particular series won't be so drawn out since i'm planning to keep all written parts on the shorter side along with the smau parts being just easier since it's all just dialog LOL (ive done smau in the past for other things but they weren't so hot but hopefully i'm better now lol rip)

-x-x-x-

w.count: 1.3k

-x-x-x-

Why did you decide to go back to school to pursue further education again? If it wasn’t to stress yourself into early grey hairs or to rip out those grey hairs until you were bald, then why?

Collapsing over your desk- textbook open and notes out in messy piles with doodles across every edge and corner from wandering concentration- you groan. Exams were right around the corner, but you couldn’t for the life of you get your brain to focus on one thing- much less multiple things- for more than a couple hours, so studying quickly turned into a failed attempt to study.

Normally, studying wasn’t so difficult for you and you actually found it therapeutic in its own weird way. You enjoyed learning new things and the pride and wholeness you felt after succeeding to teach yourself something new was well worth whatever the process to get there was to you. But, this current college burnout was making all those end results hard to get to.

You glanced at the clock on one of the elevated shelves of your desk, the dimly glowing orange letters showing the time of 3:54 am. You groaned again, pushing your forehead into your written words and definitely smearing pencil lead on your forehead while you were at it. Maybe you’d soak up the words this way and have the knowledge transferred automatically into your brain if you pushed just hard enough.

Another dull and unrelenting amount of minutes pass you by before you officially call it quits for the night. Giving up, you walked to the other side of the room and plopped down on your bed’s edge next to one of your nightstands, your wrist rubbing your forehead to hopefully clear away the mess of leftover lead on it. On this nightstand was your radio and beneath it along the shelves and below the drawer was a collection of CDs.

In a world where albums were digital and everything was Bluetooth compatible and no one carried around a portable CD player anymore, you felt somewhat awkward sometimes at the seemingly large and ridiculous collection of yours. There were still plenty of people with CDs and even vinyls, but still- the awkwardness of your ‘retro’ thinking at your age did make you feel a bit self-conscious; no matter how idiotic it sounded.

You leaned over the bed and down to the bottom shelf cubby and grabbed a thin, plastic album case. Popping it open, the cheap plastic threatened to break and bend as you pushed open the top of your radio and placed the CD inside, shutting it again and turning it on.

A small little baby blue boombox that resembled a sort of bubble-like structure- a late birthday gift from your friends back in your hometown.

You figured if you didn’t absolutely blast your music, it would be fine to play aloud. Plus, you decided to put your bedroom in the backmost room, and the second room closer to the front room of your apartment was used for storage- since renting a storage unit was way too expensive. In your mind, the room closet to the door for a single living tenant would definitely be their bedroom- so you did the opposite when you moved in.

With your legs still handing off the side of the bed, you threw yourself back onto the mattress with your arms out to your sides. You stared at the ceiling of your room, thinking that at some point you’d need to purchase some cheap glow-in-the-dark stars to tack up there just for nostalgia’s sake.

As you heard the radio read the CD in small hums, you shut your eyes and smiled when the first track started. To be honest, you weren’t really pressed for what music you were going to be listening to, so you just kinda pulled from your cubby and popped the CD in without even looking at what you grabbed. You almost laughed when an older album your mom used to listen to started playing.

You weren’t exactly sure how it happened or when, but the next thing you knew, you were staring blankly and tiredly up to your ceiling again. The sun outside had risen and you heard birds, outside chatter, and basic roadside living outside. Even being up on the fourth floor, you could still hear the world below fairly well since you almost always had your window open with a fan inside of it.

Your body was sore from how you were laying on your back with your arms out, and you felt stiff. Legs partially numb from hanging off the bed all morning when you turned to look at your clock on the desk with squinted eyes.

Almost noon.

“God,” you moaned, forcing yourself up and wobbly making a path out of your room and into the kitchen to solve the problem of your severe cottonmouth. Stepping out of your narrow, short hall, you yawned and stopped before stepping into the kitchen when you saw a note at your doorstep. It had been slid under the front door and was face down, small blotches of black bled through to show that the other side had something written on it in marker.

More intrigued with the mysterious note than ready to deal with your dry mouth and throat that demanded water, you trotted to the paper and flicked it up. Your eyes quickly scanned the note and you gasped, slightly slapping a hand over your mouth.

‘Your taste in music really fuckin’ sucks’

Oh my god, someone heard that? Were you too loud? Was it annoying? Who in their right mind has the further room from the door other than you who did it on purpose so that this situation could be specifically avoided? Would you need to move rooms? No, then you’d have your other neighbors slipping you notes or even knocking on your door.

Maybe this neighbor has a roommate and had no choice but to take the room furthest from the door. Would you need to move out now before you died from overthinking the situation?

Racing back into your room, you tore out a sheet of lined paper and a mark erfrom your jar of pens, pencils, highlightser, what have you, and began to write in large letters a note back.

‘I’m so sorry about the noise! I’ll make sure not to play it that ungodly early again! (also, no it doesn’t, my taste in music is fine).’

You felt a little silly putting the added small text at the bottom of the paper in parentheses, but you felt the need to nip this particular neighbor’s opinion about your music in the butt- you boiled the choice down to comedies sake.

Making your way back to your door, you unlocked the bolt and unlatched the chain as you poked your head out. For it being almost the middle of the day, you made sure no one was in the halls before you jogged out your door and to the left. Your room was the furthest left room and they heard it, so clearly it had to be the left side neighbor... right?

Taking one last left-to-right look down the hall, you knelt at the door, pushed your paper under it, and dashed back into your own apartment before locking it back up. You let out a breath, as you pushed your back into the door, feeling awkward and almost embarrassed at the idea of passing notes with your neighbor. Trying to be secretive about it and acting like if someone saw you push a note under their door you’d be looked at strangely.

In a somewhat awkward way, you felt like some weird criminal.

“Whatever,” you shook your head, slapping your hands on your cheeks and heading to the kitchen. Finally ready to get that glass of water you had been craving to soothe your aching throat with. You had other things to get done today anyway. Now that you were awake, better get your day started.

Even if you may have just completely fucked your sleep schedule.

#bakugou #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou smau #bakugou series #bnha smau #bnha #bnha bakugou #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader au #bakugou x y/n au #bakugou au #pro hero bakugou #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #mha #mha bakugou #bakugou fic #bakugou fluff #bakugou crack

[warmau]

{Special} College!AU Dowoon

major: character animation

minor: film 

clubs: frequents any club he finds interesting, but is never a permanent member. has done everything from surfing club to painting club to opera club

sports: did freshman soccer and then schoolwork took over his life LOL

dowoon is super chill - like he’s never ,,,, stressing out or getting super passionate about anything

he always has the same “life is good” expression on his handsome face and it makes people feel really comfortable around him

because he doesn’t seem like the judgmental or fake type

he doesn’t even have to try to make friends,,,,people gravitate toward him like he’s got some calm magnetic field

jae doesn’t get it - he thinks dowoon can be a real little shit sometimes (but jae thinks this about EVERYONE so,,,,)

while wonpil on the other hand flat out ADORES dowoon

nudges past youngk to sit next to dowoon when they’re eating lunch or running halfway across the quad just to say hi to him

wonpil just points at him like “my tall son”

and dowoon is like “im not your son, but do whatever makes you happy hyung”

the animation majors nicknamed dowoon the koala because he kind of does everything pretty leisurely, but at the same time look serene as hell

also whenever someone draws a koala they give it that calm look on its face,,,,,much like the always calm look on dowoons face

dowoon thinks its cute

but wonpil argues that dowoon is WAY more of a sloth than he is a koala

he choose character animation because he likes cartoons,,,,especially really silly cartoons

youngk or sungjin are always reading those dramatic webtoons or whatever but dowoon enjoys comic strips for quick, funny jokes

and he was always way more of a dreamer than a devoted student,,,doodling cute characters in the margins of his notes rather than jotting down his homework

traditional art like painting and sculpting were never in his interest either 

quite honestly he’d snooze whenever his class had to take trips to museums or when he had to take the class on human anatomy sketching

thankfully people liked him enough to nudge him awake when the teacher was looking LOL

he added film as a minor only because he’s interested in story boarding - a lot of his homework is actually done by wonpil and youngk who have vast opinions on cinema

while dowoon is like “uhuh, mhmm, oh ok i should right that in my essay? oh,,,,wait,,,you want to write my essay for me? i mean,,,well only if you want to,,,,”

is the drummer of night6 and decorated the back of his kit with small drawings

everytime someone points them out dowoon is like “i dont know how they got there ^_^”

totally a college student who owns a mickie mouse sweatshirt

totally owns mickie mouse pajamas that he wore to seminar once

messy haired boy with an even messier backpack

“hey,,,prof,,,i left my sketchbook back at the dorm!”

“did you bring anything to class dowoon?”

“,,,,,,,, my sticks,,,,,for drumming?”

 you see what i mean 

but it’s like lovable he’s like messy, dorky, and loveable

because he might not get his work in on time,,,,but he sure as hell gets his work in

and the glints of passion you can see on dowoon are secluded in his dorm room when he’s drawing 

or when he’s on stage drumming 

got a love letter from a fan once at a concert and wonpil was like ooooo romance~ love~ whats it say~ 

and dowoon was like

“it says i remind them of a bean sprout because im getting skinny and i shouldnt lose so much weight”

wonpil: “THATS touchig they care about your hea-”

dowoon: “THERES A DISCOUNT TO A CHICKEN PLACE IN HERE WOOOOOOOOO”

you know the rest of his friends are all like,,,,thinking a little about romance and love - wonpil is literally bursting with it while jae acts like he doesn’t care but lowkey writes all their songs about being lonely

youngk and sungjin too,,,,

but dowoon seems to think of romance as the last thing he’d ever need in his life right now

when people ask about relationships he assumes they’re asking about his friendships

and whenever someone shows interest dowoon reciprocates with absolute obliviousness

he’s just a fun-loving dude who likes to doodle and take naps in the library,,,,,,

that’s all he needs

and those naps in the library are how you meet dowoon

you work in the library, mostly just re-shelving and helping students find textbooks on reserve 

you envy the people who got desk jobs checking out books or helping with laptops,,,,,but at the same time you don’t mind the walking around 

it helps clear your mind

and one afternoon,,,,you were stuck in the least visited section of the library

there were new books to shelve so you were trying to figure out where they belonged when your foot caught on something 

and you almost ended up tumbling over whatever it was,,,,,,stopping yourself from face planting into the floor just in the nick of time

flipping over, you expected to see - a book,,,,a water bottle,,,someones backpack or something

but instead you saw a person

a boy,,,,,,with his legs stretched out and his head leaned back against the shelf

dead asleep

after a moment,,,you clear your throat and the boy jolts a bit

only to rub his sleepy eyes and give you a half smile

“is the library closing?”

he asks with a yawn

you deadpan “no, but you’re also not allowed to sleep in the bookshelf aisles.”

he doesn’t even seem to budge in response,,,,just stares at you with pool of dark brown

“oh”

oh????? is that all he has to say????

“and i just tripped over you, so you can see how it’d be a hazard-”

he slowly gets up, moving one limb at a time before he extends his hand to you

“sorry,,,,,,,,,ill help you up.”

you stare at his outstretched hand,,,but narrow your eyes and get up without his help

dusting off your shirt you give him a glare,,,,,to which he responds with the same dreamy half smile

“you can sleep in the student lounge on the second floor.”

with that you turn, taking your cart of books with you to continue your job

out of the corner of your eye you see the boy scratch the side of his head,,,,blink without thought at the things around him and then make his way out to of the aisle

you untense your shoulders,,,,,sighing

maybe you were too harsh or whatever,,,,but rules are rules and if anyone saw you letting him get away with it - it’d be your job on the line

although maybe you could have been less cold,,,,,

you shrug it off, not interested anymore in a student who you don’t even recognize as you continue working

you make your way over to the next aisle and just as you’re about to pluck a book of the cart you look down and 

there’s the same boy

sleeping

you straighten up,,,,staring at the top of his messy dark hair

you clear your throat,,,,but he doesn’t wake up

so you squat down beside him and use your index finger to poke him awake

he does the same little jolt and then turns to you

“hey”

“what did i say about sleeping in the aisles?”

he shrugs, giving the same goofy look to you

“it’s a hazard?”

you resist the urge to go “no shit” and instead motion for him to get up 

he does as told,,,,but gives you another half tired smile

“would it be cool if i went back to the aisle you finished shelving? i wont be a bother-”

“no”

he huffs, but the smile never leaves his face

he doesn’t seem fazed by your demands,,,,nor does he seem like he’s going to follow the rules

so you personally walk with him to the staircase and tell him again that the student lounge is free

he thanks you,,,,,,,,which makes you feel a little weird,,,,,and then disappears

you think about it for a bit,,,,,he looks like a slacker - or maybe he’s just the skipping class type

either way,,,,,,you hope you won’t find him in the next aisle

you dont,,,,,thankfully but when you arrive for your shift a couple of days later

you’re back in the same lonely part of the library

and just as you’re about to wheel your cart of books ,,,,, guess who you see

except this time,,,,he’s got a book over his face - as if he dropped it there right as he closed his eyes to sleep

you look at him,,,,crossing your arms

beside him is his open backpack,,,the contents threatening to spill out 

his hair is a little messy and peaks out from the book on his face and his pull over hoodie is thrown over his lap like some tiny blanket

you think for a moment that he must have been napping here for a while when you finally decide to lean over and poke him awake again

the books slides off his face and into his lap with a thump

he blink, coming to and then looks over at you

“oh,,,,,,,hey.”

he grins, you take note of his deep voice still laced with sleepyness

“didn’t i tell you a couple of days ago-”

he picks up the book and waves it

“i wasn’t sleeping,,,,i just,,,,dozed off while reading. i can read in the aisles right? that’s not a hazard?”

he innocently asks as you narrow your eyes

“listen,,,,,,i know you were sleeping”

he shrugs his shoulders up and down

“why cant you find somewhere else to take naps-”

you stutter over your sentence,,,,not sure even what this guys name is

“im dowoon, character design major.”

he puts his hand out for you to shake it and you stare at it

“ok, dowoon. you need to find other nap spots.”

he shuffles his hand around his bag and pulls out a tattered looking notebook

“i wont nap, i promise. ill just do some work and then i can stay, right?”

he flips it open to a random page where you can see multiple sketches and notes of different characters

technically,,,,students CAN study in the aisles of the library,,,,,there’s no rule against that

so you nod, going back to your cart of books

dowoon twirls a pencil between his fingers as if to send you off and then looks back down at his notebook

you go about your work,,,,but somewhere in the middle you get the nagging feeling to go check if dowoon really is working or did he rally go to sleep

so,,,,,,,you make your way down the shelves until you reach the one dowoon is in

and to your surprise he isn’t sleeping,,,,he’s actually drawing

and before you can make your quiet escape,,,,,he looks up and smiles

“wanna see what ive done so far?”

you feel a little embarrassed that you were caught,,,,but you nod and dowoon beckons you over

you sit down beside him and he shows you the new page of sketches he’s started

you stare down at one of them, it’s a bookshelf that seems to have come to life and beside it is a character

who looks familiar,,,,,

“that ones based on you,,,,,,i tend to be inspired by those around me.” dowoon says absentmindenly

and you look closer,,,,,shocked that even in such a small cartoonish drawing - there are details about it that do resemble you

you’ve only seen dowoon a couple of times but you’re shocked that he could remember just how you looked and compress it into such a cute drawing

you look up at him and he pushes the pencil behind his ear,,,seemingly content with what he’s gotten done

“well,,,,,as long as you’re not sleeping.”

dowoon nods, taking his book back “nope, plus i have class. see you around.”

he slips it into his bag before getting up and waving as he disappears out of the shelves

you sit there,,,,still thinking about the drawing,,,,,,and how maybe you had misconceptions about him afterall

dowoon does show up to the library again and again

but this time he doesn’t nap,,,,,he actually just spends time drawing 

which you actually come to really enjoy

he’s got such a simple, but fun style and he’s always willing to show you new sketches

and instead of him being that student who might get you in trouble,,he becomes someone you really look forward to seeing on your job

and after a bit of time,,,,you think dowoon feels the same way

just from how excitable he gets when you ask to see something and the cute smile he gives you when you push the cart past the aisle he’s in

in one way or another - you feel connected to dowoon,,,,you guys up in this section of the library,,,,,,,just the two of you

plus,,,,,,,,when you catch him sleeping again you let it slide - maybe because you’re sorta friends now

but also because you notice just how handsome he is when he’s asleep, pretty long eyelashes resting on the skin of his cheeks and the slightly curled dark hair that falls a bit into his eyes when he tips his head forward

but then,,,,,,,you come to work one day and dowoon is sitting in the aisle,,,,,,with someone else

they’re flipping through his notebook, giggling and pressing their shoulder against dowoon’s

you don’t know why,,,,but it makes you feel a bit ,, out of place

dowoon looks up just as you try to escape and calls you over

“i drew some more stuff for my class final, that character you like is in-”

you give a curt nod,,,,,,,and dowoon seems to falter when you turn away and shove your cart out of the aisle

but,,,,,,,he doesn’t follow you or anything

and when you find yourself aggravated,,,re-shelving books with way too much force then intentional

you ask,,,,,,,,what are you so upset over?

it’s probably a classmate,,,or a friend,,,,,,or a significant other

the thought of dowoon being with someone isn’t that baffling when he’s got this odd, calming charm to him

with a great face as an addition

but yet when you go up there the next day and dowoon is alone,,,,even then you don’t feel the urge to talk to him

but,,,,cold-shouldering dowoon is hard

not because you feel bad but because,,,,,after you ignore him for a whole week he just,,,,doesn’t show up anymore

and you think well whatever, right? now he’s gone and it’s not like you two bonded deeply or anything

but instead of dowoon in the aisle,,,,you find,,,,,,,,,,,

“im wonpil, you must be the one we’ve been hearing about.”

you look at the guy in front of you,,,,he’s definitely shorter than dowoon and his eyes have a different passion about them

“um,,,,im not sure what you mean?”

wonpil throws his hands up in the air and goes “dowoon! he hasn’t stopped talking about how he made one of the librarians mad! he’s all mopey about it too!”

you hush wonpil, his voice getting louder and remind him that this is still a library

and if anything you aren’t mad at dowoon,,,,you just had to work - this is your job after all

but wonpil doesn’t falter

even in a whispering tone, you can tell he’s still strung up about this

“WELL dowoon thinks you are mad! and believe me, dowoon doesn’t much care about how people feel about it him so you must mean something special.”

you open your mouth to argue but wonpil shakes his head

“no no you don’t GET IT- sorry indoor voice right,,,,,but dowoon has never shown an inkling of interest in anyone before,,,,,you’re,,,,,,you’re the first person he’s ever based a character on too didn’t-”

you pull back a bit, surprised “but,,,he told me he’s inspired by those around him?”

wonpil shakes his head, “inspired sure - but he specifically said he created that little cartoon to see if you’d like it. dowoon draws for himself, i cant even BEG him to make a little doodle for me but for you he’s-”

wonpil is talking a mile a minute and tbh most of it is going over your head at this point

because you don’t understand,,,,,,,you thought you were just another person to dowoon

just that librarian who nagged him before for sleeping in the aisles - but,,,,but now all of a sudden this random friend of dowoons is telling you ,,,,you’re something more??

“please just assure me you’re not mad at him.”

“im not,,,,,” you clutch your books closer to your chest and wonpil sighs

“ok. good. ill tell him and hopefully this is the beginning of something beautiful. gosh i just want dowoon to be in LOVE ALREADY”

you hush him and wonpil quiets down as he pulls his phone out and exits the aisle

you stand there for a bit,,,,,,,,but then turn to ask what the heck wonpil means by ‘love’ but,,,he’s gone

and although the whole thing stays on your mind,,,,work takes all of your attention

and when your shift at the library ends, you’re walking back to the main building of the college to get some late night studying done

when you hear someone call your name

you turn to see dowoon 

he looks like he’s just rolled out of bed,,,,wearing baggy overalls over a shirt you’re sure he’s owned for the better part of his life

he’s also got house slippers on which confuses you,,,,,,,did he like,,,,,run here in those?

“wonpil said he talked to you,,” dowoon starts

you nod slowly

“sorry he’s such a weirdo,,,he acts like my mom sometimes and i dont get it ,,,,”

you look down and wait for dowoon to get to the point - the point as to why he’s here after your shift in his damn pajamas for all you know

“he said you’re not mad at me,,,,so i hope i can ask you this and it’s ok,,,,,,,,,do you have time this weekend?”

“why?”

“the animation major is having a film festival thing and i wondered if you’d want to see mine,,,it’s really short like,,,,a minute and a half but y-you’re in it so,,,,”

the shock must be apparent on your face because dowoon is like oh but you don’t have to-

but you agree

you tell dowoon to tell you when and where and you’ll be there

but just as dowoon finishes giving you the details, he seems to want to ask something else

but you hurry off before he can

and the entire time you try to study you keep thinking about what dowoon means,,,,,,,you’re in his movie?

the film festival is really small, it fills up only one of the classrooms but it is filled to the brim

dowoon is surrounded by a group of fellow students, you recognize one of them as the person who was sitting with him in the book aisle

but you try to not let it bug you as you take one of the “free snacks” offered on a tiny table in the corner

dowoon only spots you when the films are about to start and he’s pulled away by a professor before he can come and say hi

you sit there, watching all the different cute films made by all the students

and they’re all amazing, you’ve never been much of an animation fan but the effort put into this works is amazing

and then,,,,,you see dowoon’s name flash across the screen

‘the magic of the library’ is the name of his piece

and it starts off with a character asleep in one of the aisles - until the walking bookshelf accompanied by the character who resembles you wakes him up

and taking his hand,,,,,,,,shows him the wonder of the library

dancing books, spinning desks, computers flashing with smiley faces

and you look at the characters - that are so obviously you and dowoon holding hands

and when it ends,,,,it is as short as he says,,,,,,you catch dowoon’s eye

he flusters when the clapping starts but you see that he’s got doubt on his face - an emotion you’ve never seen

and so,,,,without thinking

you make way through the students and up to dowoon

“did you like i-”

he starts, but you just lean up and press your lips to his cheek

the boys around him all gasp and dowoon turns to color of a lobster but goes 

“i,,,im glad you liked it,,,,,,”

“and you! THEY LIKE YOU DOWOON!” 

wonpil’s familiar voice comes from your right and everyone in the room goes “SHHH” as the next film starts

you take dowoon’s hand and he squeezes it as you two make your way out of the cramped room

and dowoon goes

“can you kiss me again, sorry i just want to know it happened.”

and you do it 

but then dowoon chuckles and go, “sorry - again. i want to feel it again.” 

and you’re like boy stop playing around

BUT it’s cute because now you and dowoon know your mutual feelings and,,,,,even though wonpil will probably not shuttup about it if you two go back in there

you’re content with that

but also wonpil’s like wanna ditch this festival and go on a date? and you’re like wont you get in trouble with your professor?

and dowoon shrugs like “it’s worth it”

dating dowoon is a lot of just,,,,,,doing normal things together 

and wonpil absolutely LOSING IT over how cute you two are

like you’ll just be sharing a drink and wonpil has tears down his face like dowoon,,,,im so happy for you,,,,,,

it’s wild - but you get used to it

dowoon is a drifter - he likes trying new things but never gets attached to them for too long

like he’ll invite you to this club he found on campus about flower arrnging

and you’ll be like it was super fun! and dowoon is like mhmm, next week lets try rockclimbing

which you’re not really opposed to,,,,dowoon looks like the laze at home type but the reality is that he is super curious and likes to learn whatever he can

which you love about him 

it’s always an adventure,,,,,,,,but that doesn’t mean he’s opposed to just cuddling on a rainy afternoon and ordering food online

but - with you it’s different for dowoon

he is in it for the long run and he values your interests a lot,,,,,,,

which is new for him, aside from night6, he’s not really close to anyone

but you are the center of his world,,,,,what you like - he’ll like too because he does wanna support you

and when he asked youngk for fashion advice for one of your dates youngk was so shocked he asked jae if dowoon had a twin brother or something like was this really happening

dowoon is still dreamy though

you guys will be walking somewhere from class and he’ll see one dog across campus and be like i gotta go pet it

even if he’s late for a class

and you have to be like no no no come here e have to go to class and dowoon is like but :( puppy :( 

sometimes you’re the only thing keeping him on track to graduating LOL

you also really like watching dowoon practice the drums

he’ll always try to get you to play something and you’re like i cant and he’s like it’s easy to smack the drums

and you’re like thats not how it works babe

and he’s like that’s what ive been doing and it’s been working SO

dowoon doodles you in his notebook but is too embarrassed to show you 

you are dowoon’s first real serious relationship and so sometimes he’s a little clutzy with romance but you don’t mind

especially when he gets shy about trying new things ,,,,,, physically

but it’s dowoon - with his big warm body and cute as hell face

in your head you’re like he could do anything to me and id be fine with it but ofc dont say that outloud because the one time you did dowoon almost had a heatstroke 

you wear anything that shows skin. dowoon goes into a blushing frenzy

wonpil was convinced before you that dowoon didn’t have the capacity to be jealous

but one time when wonpil was leaning his head against your shoulder and being you know,,,,wonpil

and dowoon literally picked him up and dragged him away 

you: oh so strong

dowoon: <3

wonpil: dowoon. dowoon put me down. dowOON

also you don’t really know it but dowoon thinks that a lot of the stuff you do is super adorable

like you once told him you love the library because you love the smell of new books

and he was like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you’re the cutest person ever

and you were like hmm and he was like nothing huh books right

dowoon is a sucker for you combing your fingers through his hair,,,,any chance at it he’s like head in your lap and you’re like ok ok i know what you want

for your first anniversary for 100 days he forgot to get flowers so he drew a photo of some flowers and was like,,,,,,is this ok

and you were like ,,,,, how are you so darn cute

still gets fan letters professing love to him and he’s like oh. now i get it they like me and jae is like yeah dude

but dowoon shrugs and is like too bad im taken 

dowoon couple matching bracelets (which wonpil is jealous off and wont admit it)

dowoon is the type of love that seems simple and sweet but the reality is that dowoon has never had someone special

and having you has really changed his outlook on life,,,,,like it’s dramatic and sappy to say that

but he’s grown because of falling in love with you and tbh when you ask him 

when was the moment he started liking you

he shyly admits that he thought you scolding him in the library for sleeping was super cute

and you’re like what how

and he’s like i like,,,,someone who tells me what to do 

you, blushing : o-oh ,,,,,this is good information trjkdlsfj

dowoon lets you wear his hoodie and ur like u should wear one too its cold

and hes like babe,,,,if im being honest,,,,the one you’re wearing is the only clean one i have,,,,,right now,,,,,,,

date: you and dowoon at the school laundromat with him sketching to pass the time and you reading

but you look up every now and then to see if the machine is done and also to kiss when no one else is around ,,,,,,,,,,cute

he’s a soft boyfriend who thinks of a cute nickname for you but is too nervous and shy to say it outloud so he writes it down on a piece of paper and shows it to sungjin

and sungjin is like “you’re nervous to call your own significant other,,,,,,,honey?”

dowoon, ears red: “i dont want to come off corny like you sungjin”  

day6: jae | wonpil | youngk | sungjin by group: bangtan | vixx | got7 | nct | kard | monsta x | seventeen gg specials: amber | momo | irene commissioned: iu | chanyeol | hongseok | baekhyun 

#day6 scenarios #day6 imagines #day6 au #dowoon scenarios #dowoon imagines #dowoon au #day6 dowoon #sfw #day6 #dowoon #im wonpil through this whole thing

[dashielldeveron]

Cedere Nescio, or, Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Tom Holland/Reader. College AU. 

Warnings: dealing with mental health in a Big Way, extreme thirst, language (Latin), and swears. But that’s college, I guess. Notes: Tom’s a theatre major, and you’re a theatre minor.

_______________________________________________________________________

i Maybe you gave off a gay vibe? You really didn’t know. Would that the perception of your sexuality were as clear as those of Achilles and Patroclus.

You sit on the edge of the stage, taking a break from building sets. Tom’s up in the grid, adjusting lights and putting in gels, and his sleeves are rolled up past his elbows, by the grace of God. Even from this distance, his biceps ripple. His eyebrows are furrowed, lines drawn between them, as he bites his lower lip and sticks out his jaw very slightly.

You pop off the cap of a sharpie and hold it between your teeth, never letting it get wet, as you idly doodle perfututum onto the inside of your arm, covering some parallel lines you made with something a little sharper. Perfututum—it’s Latin for totally fucked. And it’s you.

Tom Holland’s untouchable, you know? Everyone, in the theatre department and out, wanted to be his friend; everyone wanted his approval or to impress him, and his genuine approval wasn’t easily earned. He dances through his classes with panache; everything is easy for him, a delight. His laughter reverberates off the walls of the arts building, and good night, did you want to be the cause of his laughter. Sometimes you were, when you gathered enough courage to speak to him, to have a legitimate conversation instead of his instructions to you in scene shop.

He calls down to you to stand centre stage; he’s trying to aim a light in the right direction. You push up on your knees and jog over where he wants you. You would go anywhere he directed you, do anything he wanted, and he didn’t have a clue—that oblivious bastard.

A curl falls across his forehead as he bends over the PAR-can, and you, squinting, hold a hand over your eyes when he swings the light your way. He’s too bright for you to look at.

ii The two of you are practising monologues due for class later that day. You’re alone in a hallway and holding his monologue in front of you. He’s sitting at your side and desperately running his hands through his hair as he strives to remembers the exact words.

“I am the dog,” you prompt him. His profile sharpens when he puckers his lips in concentration.

His eyes light up as he stares determinedly at the top of the lockers, not really seeing them. “I am the dog,” Tom says, bouncing his leg up and down and tapping his fingers on his knee, “Oh, the dog is me, and I am myself—”

He’s fidgeting too much. What you do in rehearsal determines what you do in performance, and this monologue isn’t a fidgeting sort of thing. He won’t stop fidgeting. Why’s he so nervous? Hector wasn’t even this nervous when he walked into battle and to his death. Tom is never nervous, so why is he now?

Hector, however, had verse upon verse written about him posthumously and a hero’s pyre, and Tom wasn’t a legend. You’ll make him one, and even if you don’t, you know he’ll be one some day.

“You’ve got to stop fidgeting,” you say, “Let’s find you something to hold instead of fidgeting.” Both of you glance to your sides in the hallway, but your backpacks are still in the scene shop. Nothing’s around. Inwardly, you beat your chest, fortifying all courage as Hector did for his troops—you roll your eyes in an exaggerated way and, in a stroke of rare brilliance, you say, “Here, hold this.”

You hold out your hand.

Tom’s face breaks into a grin, his even teeth showing, and he glances down at his lap before turning to you, crinkling his eyes in a different kind of smile, a closed-mouthed, tight-lipped thing of beauty that shows acceptance and gratefulness. Tom takes your hand, immediately lacing his fingers with yours, and he squeezes it firmly as he continues his monologue. His focus is no longer casually on the lockers but swops between your hands and your reactions. Tom tries to make you laugh, and he wrinkles his nose in triumph when he does.

When you move onto your monologue, Tom lazily twists the ring on your thumb between his own and his index finger. It’s not a purity ring, but it might as well be (it’s the one from Lord of the Rings). Tom doesn’t know that right now, this moment, is the farther you’ve ever gone with a guy, that this instance of holding hands is the most intimate you have ever been.

You’ve never dated, never been kissed—watched as your friends loved and lost, went on rampages, and downloaded tinder. It’s not that you don’t want these things; on the contrary, according to a BDSM test you made everyone take, you’re the kinkiest piece of shit you know. You hear stories and read a lot of fanfic about one night stands, sex before romance, and loads of kinky shit—things you’d never do in your actual, real life for a couple of reasons, the primary one being that since you got overly attached to cars you drove behind for more than ten minutes, who knows what would happen to you if someone ate you out and never spoke to you again? So, it wasn’t entirely intentional, but you were (fuck, you hated this about you and yet couldn’t bring yourself to compromise [and fuck, you hated this phrase]) waiting until marriage.

Tom slides the ring down to your knuckle. The skin where it usually sits is paler and softer than the rest of your thumb.

iii

Tom’s got bags under his eyes in scene shop today. His hair is dishevelled, roughed up like bed-head, and he’s got grey sweatpants hanging loosely around his hips. And he’s pissed.

When you ask him why, Tom says he had a tough voice lesson, but as the afternoon drags on (and you’re repairing an ancient piano with a staple gun), he, miraculously, allows himself to be vulnerable. He’s not doing okay, and it’s tearing him apart. His relationship with his parents is in an unfamiliar, rocky stage, and he’s lonely, so lonely; he’s secretly a ball of rage that he never shows (you wonder if you annoy him, especially when you talk about Greek culture). So much of Tom is hidden, because he’s insecure about it. He’s the only person you’ve ever met who can rival you in terms of self-deprecation, even though, in everyone’s eyes but his own, he has no reason for it.

Tom is furious at a lot of things, mostly himself, and you want him to be mad at you, in a safe, consensual bedroom sort of setting. He already was dominating socially in the scene shop, since he was more than capable at construction had to teach you, with unconditional patience, how to do anything, seeing as you had never picked up a power tool before this semester. Tom would order you about, and each time punched you in your stomach as you thought about taking commands up a notch. Aut futue aut pugnemus: either we fuck or we fight.

His insecurities mirror your own, save for where he is rage, you are sorrow. Two sides of the same coin, down to your side effects of depression. Loneliness reigns.

At some point, he catches himself, climbs down from the ladder, and grabs both of your hands, grazing the ring on your thumb. “Thank you,” he says, his eyes wide (eyelashes dark against his skin), gripping your hands tighter to show his earnestness, “for listening. I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you; you don’t deserve that. I usually don’t—I’m sorry. You’re very kind. Thank you so much.”

“Don’t apologise,” you say, your fingers curving into the bend of his palms, “I like listening to you. You have worthwhile things to say, and everyone needs to be heard. Don’t feel like you’re burdening me—” You say this, because you worry about it yourself. “—I want to be involved in what you’re going through.”

iv In one of the dreams between pressing snooze on your alarm and actually waking up, Tom wraps his hand around your wrist and leads you up the ladder to the grid, high above the rest of the stage. At the centre, where anyone could see, were anyone in the room, he releases your wrist, links his index fingers through the belt loops of your shorts, and yanks you close to him, his hipbones poking you briefly. Tom’s got your shoulder blades pressed on either side of a pipe holding up stage lights, and his tongue is between his teeth when he grins at you in the moment before.

Who was wearing strawberry chapstick? It doesn’t matter. His lips are pressed to yours, needy and wanting; you feel the crease of his brow through the kiss—don’t, you want to tell him, please relax, for one damn minute. He doesn’t bite but nibbles at your lower lip, and your tongue is on the inside of his teeth when he moves his hands from your belt loops to grip your waist, toying with the hem of your shirt. Your fingers curl into his hair, and you pull at the wisps at the nape of his neck. His breath hitches. Tom breaks the kiss, calls you my girl with a dark inflection, and shifts to kiss your neck, once, before he drags his mouth down your chest, stopping to press his lips at the spot beneath your naval where your shirt has ridden up.

And he’s thrown your shorts somewhere across the grid; your underwear’s been tucked into his back pocket. Tom’s bottom lip is firm as he pushes it up underneath your clit (he’s got friction around all of it now); he sucks on it just barely, and after testing how sensitive you were with the underside of his tongue, he smirks as he swops to the rougher topside. Your hips twitch. Tom holds you achingly still for too long; it doesn’t take the oracle of Delphi to know that you’re close—

But Tom keeps going after you’ve come, and you don’t want to chicken out for fear of what he’d think. With a shaking jaw, you keep your gaze on the ceiling, trying to zone out, because this is too much, all at once, and you can’t ah, ouch, that’s a lot. Your thighs are quivering, and yikes, please, no, stop, even though you still—

“I know it’s intense,” he says, the sound of an air pocket breaking in the second he pulls an inch away, “but you can take it.” Tom kisses your clit and reaches up for one of your hands, the one with the ring. “Be good for me.”

When your alarm goes off, your underwear is soaked, and when you wipe the rheum out of the corners of your eyes, you repeatedly snap the elastic against your skin as you debate whether or not taking a cold shower is worth it.

v The final rehearsal before the show opens, you and Tom are alone backstage. He’s in the lead (and an argyle sweatervest), and you’re one of the minor ensemble characters. You’ve had a hell of a day and are on the cusp of a panic attack, and Tom notices. He guides you over to a private spot and leans on a stack of crates, resting his forearms on top. You copy him, and your shoulders touch.

“How do you do it, Tom? How do you manage to keep it together all of the time? You never seem to crack.” You don’t count that day he vented to you. It wasn’t quite the same.

Tom laughs through his nose and leans close to you. His breath hits your ear and the back of your neck as he says, “To be honest, I’m cracking right now.”

He’s got to be. Rehearsals running until past midnight every night with hundreds of lines in Shakespearean verse, long afternoons building sets, being on duty as an RA, not to mention classes and keeping up with his friends. Oh, and sleep, you suppose. He’s had to shove everything he feels down so that he can deal with the next task. He hasn’t had time to think, and frankly, neither have you.

Tom insists he doesn’t want to talk about himself, because he’s been thinking a lot about that time you spoke to him about holy listening, how most people only wait for their turns to speak and how listening, genuinely, to help and to understand, was a gift that everyone deserves but hardly anyone receives. So, Tom takes your hand (again. It’s become practise for when it’s just the two of you, and you’re unsure how to handle this uncharted territory) and listens.

And thank God someone finally is.

You’re facing him as you speak softly about how you essentially act as a therapist to everyone in the department (even though you are newly learning healthy behaviours yourself), because you want people to have someone who will listen. You check in with people who are going through hard times, and you usually end conversations by asking the person how he’s going to take care of himself later that day. Tom knows this. He’s been watching.

What he didn’t know was that no one listens to you back. Whenever you pry yourself open in a half-hearted attempt to be vulnerable, everyone clams up. They shut down. No one notices when you’re having a hard time—he nudges you at this, and you make a stupid noise, dismissing it. When you mention that no one’s noticed the burn marks on the inside of your forearm near your elbow, he could, for the first time, make out the small, circular burns in spite of the dark, blue light. Tom slumps against the crates, and he rubs the back of your hand with his thumb.

“I’m tired of taking care of everyone,” you say, “I want to be taken care of.”

You’re breaking your chains that protect you from being vulnerable. You can’t watch the shadows on the wall any more. You’ve got to walk out of Plato’s cave and let the sunlight blind you, even though you don’t have a word for sunlight yet, for all you’ve known is a tame fire.

Tom wraps his arm around your bare shoulders (your costume isn’t as modest as you’d like, but for now, you’re grateful). He presses a kiss to your temple and holds it there, and an alarm goes off in your head, as if you’re not the one truly experiencing this. When Tom removes his lips, his furrowed brow goes to their spot. “You’re safe with me,” he says after a bit, “I hear you, and I want to take care of you.”

Both of you jump when other actors start channelling behind you to get to their places. Tom has the first line, but he tightens his grip around your shoulders and quickly prays aloud for you.

vi Closing night, the cast and crew goes to IHOP, and it’s a lot of overstimulation all at once. When they kick you out around one o’clock, your original driver is going home for the weekend, so you hitch a ride with Tom back to campus.

Tom is at a stop sign, his turn signal blinking to drive into the parking lot of your dorm, when you say, “I will pay you ten bucks to keep driving past the school.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Please. I can’t go back there right now.”

With a wry smile, Tom flips off the signal and keeps driving into the night. The city is quiet but still awake, still shining. He cranks up his music and points out his favourite restaurant to you, saying he’ll take you there soon. Next week, you decide. Urban decay increases the farther you get away: flickering street lights, crumbling buildings, a lone shopping cart, that one vape shop that no one goes to unless you feel like getting shot. Neon lights bleed together through the car window, and the stars blur and mumble under his 90s hip-hop.

You take backroad after backroad, curving around trees and into the valley, just going without knowing where, and eventually, you park near an overlook into the valley, showing the city teeming with a quiet energy, with a cemetery behind you in the trees.

You thank him again for how he’s been treating you during the run of the show; it’s incredible to have someone to depend on. To trust. He shrugs it off, and you talk about the show, how things could have gone better, how he did that one gesture just perfectly in the moment, how hey, you didn’t get all of your stage makeup off; let me get that for you, and Tom’s kissing you, lightly, barely, and he swipes some of your hair behind your ear. His nose prods yours when he breaks the kiss so that you open your eyes—he knows it was your first; he wants to make sure you’re okay. You nod, your mouth quirking upwards.

When you’re on his lap and his hands are in your hair (turns out you were the one with the hair-pulling thing, so die mad about it), neither of you are the strawberry chapstick ideal. You both taste like makeup remover, and sweat drips down between his shoulder blades and down your neck. Neither of you was performing for once. It was just the two of you, simple and vulnerable. You made Tom laugh when you pulled away to yawn, and you laughed yourself when you made him gasp at a simple kiss on his neck (muttering “Peccavi,” and refusing to tell him what it meant, even when he threatened to…he couldn’t think).

It should’ve been much too early to do this, let alone ever consider it, but it was Tom Holland, who understood. Courage, dear heart. You’re not ready, but you can promise. He probably knows what it means by now; he’s clever. He’s probably guessed. Just do it. Your cheek is pressed against his when you say, “It’s yours—” You twist your ring off your thumb and slid it onto his middle finger. “—if you want it.”

Tom shifts to kiss your cheek. “Not now. But someday, if you’re ready. If you want me to.” He smiles, and this time, you let the light blind you. “C’mon, love. Tell me what you want.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Peccavi -- I have sinned.

here’s the link to the BDSM test, if you’d like to take it.

#tom holland #spiderman #tom holland/reader #tom holland x reader #fic #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #DASH IT ALL

[franeridart]

I just found your profile and I love your style so much!

AHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!

Anon said:From kami's-hair-is-hard-to-doodle anon from a while back: I finally got it! Thank you so much for your advice - reading and rereading your tips kept me practicing! I'd also like to thank the Academy /orz

I’m glad it could help you at all!!!! :O Kami keeps on being a mystery to me (and Horikoshi himself ???) too so don’t get too down on yourself for it taking time haha

Anon said:Ive sent you a couple of asks before but Im just so in love with the content you produce. Like not only is your art style so cute and stuff, but the plot/story (Idk) of each post is just so original and adorable. Im just so blown away by everything you post. Thank you for sharing your art!!!! Have a good week!!

Anon said:Hi! I’m new to your blog but love your art, I think your very talented which is why I’d like to ask a question. Do you have any advice for posing? I noticed your very good at it and wondered if you have any tips. If you do answer this, Thank you!!

Firstly, thank you so much for the compliments!!! I don’t know how useful exactly any advice I could give you will be, since most of it comes from drawing a lot and watching drawings even more, but in general to pick a pose usually what I do is think of the scene as if in movement? As in, what the characters are doing, and how they’d move if I were looking at them while doing it - keeping in mind the characters personalities helps me with this a lot too. 

Take for example the confessions drawings I’ve posted a couple of days ago: it’s true that there’s no words nor movement anywhere in them, but as I drew them I had a pretty clear idea of what they were saying and how the characters would react in those situations - Jirou’s shy and easily flustered, so she’s averting her eyes, unable to keep eye contact, and closing in on herself a bit, hiding her face and so on; in the concept, Kaminari was the one who confessed, so he’s holding her hand, tentative, because he’s unsure about how she’s gonna answer (it’s all stuff that didn’t actually make it in the drawing, how he reached for her hand, how he’s gonna close his other hand around her knuckles, but in my head it was a complete scene and I just picked one frame of it all to draw). The same goes for Bakugou and Kirishima - they’re rowdier, louder, more assertive and inclined to take everything as a fight, so this time around I went for a scene in which Bakugou straight out yells his feelings at Kirishima and Kirishima answers me too (again, I had the before and after in my head too, I just picked the frame that best coveyed what I was trying to do)

As I said I’m usure about how much this might help you orz it’s just my way of doing things, and it mostly comes from the fact that I was originally a writer honestly, so thinking of a whole scene makes things easier for me #rip

Anon said:Can I say, I really like the colors for your confession pictures! :>

THANK YOU??????? H E C K ;O; 

Anon said:hi~ i just went through literally everything in your sketches tag and i just wanna say i love your art and your comics and stuff. also because i went through everything, i want to bring attention to how cool it is to see how much your style has changed! your lines seem more confident and your characters more dynamic in the last few years :D

HECK THANK YOU SO MUCH it’s always so damn nice to know people can see my stuff getting even just slightly better oh mannnnnnnnnnnnnn *sob*

Anon said:can we repost your art if we give like 100% credit

Nope, sorry, I’d prefer it if you didn’t do that

Anon said:those "confessions" must be the lewdest thing I've ever seen

why would you use that word tho

Anon said:I just wanted to tell you that I love your art and it always makes me a little happier when you post something! No matter if it's your comics or colored pics or "simple" doodles, I love all of them! (Though soft stuff is the best, hehe) I just hope you know that you're very appreciated, and I hope you only have wonderful days!

GODS THANK YOU SO MUCH I’m so so so happy I can make you a lil happier ;0; I hope you’ll have every possible wonderful day too, anon!!

Anon said:I just spent the last few hours of my Sunday going though your entire blog. It’s beautiful and I hope you know that you have ruined my life because of that beauty. God damn it.

That wasn’t the intention but I’m!!!!!!!!! glad you think so???????? sob oh my g od you all are too nice to me ;^;

Anon said:Tododeku?

It sure is a ship, isn’t it - I’ve drawn for it in the past, I most probably will again in the future! :D

Anon said:you're honestly one of my fav artists on here! i love your style it feels so unique and is so pleasing to look at (((:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M CRYING THANK YOU

Anon said:Your art has this unique quality about it... its really hard to describe but there’s something so dynamic and god damn pretty about your work. It’s fantastic and you inspire me to keep on creating! I hope your day is absolutely wonderful and thank you for blessing us with your art!

I’m!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so glad I can make you want to create stuff, anon!!!!!! that’s the best thing anyone can ever tell me, oh my god ;^; thank you so much !!!

Anon said:I love it when you draw cuddly bakugou!! Its wonderful!!

THAT’S!!!! super great to hear cause I could probably draw only that for the foreseeable future and not mind it one bit holy smoke

Anon said:THE HUG COMICS ARE THE BEST COMICS, I LOVE HUGS AND BAKUGOU BEING PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE IS SOMETHING I LOVE, A++++, WOULD RECOMMEND.

HONESTLY BAKUGOU NEEDS ALL THE HUGS AND IF I MUST BE THE ONE TO GIVE THEM ALL TO HIM THEN SO BE IT

Anon said:all ur comics are fucking delightful and make my day everytime. i ve read them all like too many times? i read each multiple times in a row and im still giddy? i love them i love u

I!!!!!!! LOVE YOU TOO???? HOLY SHIT THANK YOU

Anon said:*sigh* soft-phisical contact lover bakugou save my week. And kiri is the most wonderfull sunshine and no one cant discuss that *sit down in the floor and manly crying*

Kiri is the brightest sunshine isn’t he ;^; the sun to Bakugou’s moon, it makes me weak and I cry a lot

Anon said:I never knew I could be so weak for kiribaku omg fran what have you done to me, on that note what little things do you think theyd do to take care of each other? Like kinda lowkey stuff theyd quietly do? Ahh anyway thank you so much for all the wonderful drawings, hope everything is going well for you :)

Well, this is just the feeling I got, but I’d say they do plenty for each other quietly and softly in canon too, don’t they? Bakugou especially, pointing out to Kirishima his strength when he can’t see it for himself and always trying to find a way to cheer him up when he’s down and giving him space when he needs it, training together, studying together, worrying over one another, Kiri making sure to always know what’s up with Bakugou and following him to help him, just generally being there for each other so that if and when they need they’ll know they’ll have someone they can lean on - their relationship is really mutually supportive, isn’t it? I cry so much they make me so happy ;^; *sob*

Anon said:When season 3 comes out wouldnt it be fun if krbk fans filmed their ch.90 being animated reactions?? I think it'd be so cool/cute to see all the emotions! What do you think?

You know, I’m pretty sure that IS gonna happen? People make reaction videos for so many things! It’s nice and fun, honestly, I love it~

Anon said:I really love the way you draw spiky hair! It looks so floofy and soft.

Boi thank you!!!! Spikes are super nice to draw, though admittedly I make them less spiky then they’re probably supposed to be haha

Anon said:As someone who adores Sero Hanta And is a die hard krbk fan can I just say how much I love you? Like I was having a rough-ish day and I can’t stop smiling now because of your latest comic. Seriously, I love you and your art is everything.

I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THAT ONE!!!!!!!! I adore Sero if I had any better clue how to draw him I’d draw him all the time always, true story, he’s such a fave ;^;

Anon said:OMG Fran!!! I want Bakugou's name tattooed on all their faces now!! Hahahaha!

You know, one of my first krbk fanarts was Bakugou writing his name on Kirishima’s forehead, actually....................

#fran answers #art tips #sorta?? #something similar to it #i tried but you know how it is #i got no actual clue what im doing #lmao #anonymous

[schmerzerling]

Did dean ever get his heart transplant? I gotta know.

Yes. Absolutely. I had a sequel started and outlined where he does, and I went back to writing it whenever I missed Disneyland, but I haven’t worked on it in a long time. I just opened it for the first time in forever, and if it’s any indication of the pain I had planned, here’s the first line:

The good news is, Dean finally got bad enough that theybumped him up the transplant list.

The bad news is, Dean finally got bad enoughthat they bumped him up the transplant list.

Yeah, whoops.

HOWEVER, if it’s any consolation, when I opened that document, I found a couple little fic bits for the Your Heart Makes universe that I had written at some point and forgotten about? So uh, here’s one: 

Dean visits sick kids while he’s in the hospital because of-fucking-course he does. Since he andCas had started dating, Dean had been admitted to the hospital twice. Before,he’d been too sick to do much of anything. More pacemaker issues. Respiratoryproblems. Ideally, Dean’s job situation would mean he’s not exposed to thatmany germs from the people in the park, but Dean doesn’t exactly play it safeon his own time. Luckily, this third time he was admitted, he felt okay, wasjust in overnight as a precaution, but it meant that the whole time he was thereit was like he was blowing some kind of high-pitched whistle that only thenurses could hear.

They all came at him and wanted to tell him off for nottaking it easy or for eating too many fried foods or for drinking too muchcoffee. He took it gracefully until a dark-haired nurse with a sultry smileapproached to tell him that the kids down in Peds missed him, and then it wasall game-face and sullen determination. Dean didn’t like being here, hatedbeing strapped down to equipment, hated the way that hospitals made him feellike he was already dying, so Castiel could see the exact moment where hedecided to turn it into another exercise in self-destructive selflessness.

Cas was a part of this now. He couldn’t pinpoint the exactmoment he went from ‘unwilling tagalong’ to ‘reluctant co-conspirator,’ but ifhe had to try, it would probably be that first day back in the park, rightafter he learned about Dean’s heart condition. Right around when he kissed himon a ride that they shouldn’t have been riding at all. Dean, it seemed, neededto do these things, and since it was Sam’s role to tell him not to, Sam’s roleto object to the things they both knew he would do anyway, it fell on Castielto make sure he did them as safely as possible.

So when night fell, Castiel helped him to secure his leftarm in a sling so he didn’t forget himself and lift it above his head, then he strappeda paper mask over Dean’s mouth so he didn’t get anything nasty and catchingfrom a sick kid. And finally, it fell on him to follow behind Dean down thehallway, dodging nurses and wheeling his drips and monitors in an attempt to besomething approaching stealthy. Castiel figured out pretty quickly that thenurses must have been turning a blind eye to it anyway, because there wasabsolutely no way that no one would have noticed them by the time they made itto the elevator. They even shared the elevator car with a stout nurse who hid asmile behind her hand as Dean, red-faced, complained that Cas wasn’t willing tocarry his IV pole down two measly flightsof stairs.

It was quiet in the kids’ ward. A lot of them were settledinto their beds, but when Dean squeaky-wheeled his way inside, many of themperked up. It was clear many knew him--these were the kids who were obviously repeatoffenders. The whole ward was bright and overly cheery and the kids were paleor bald or skinny, and Cas felt himself taking a nosedive before he was evenall the way inside the room.

Naomi called what he did spirals.Little loops of bad thoughts that he got himself stuck in. She gave himbreathing exercises and thinking exercises and exercise exercises to try and work himself out of the bad places hegot into. And she taught him how to recognize when one was coming on.

That’s not really rational,she’d stop him in the middle of a story to say. That’s not what people really think about you.

Now, he recognized that it was silly to look at these kidsand pity himself. But he couldn’t help thinking of his two wasted years inno-man’s land, his two years wallowing in self-pity, his two years where a daydidn’t mean anything and if the earth had swallowed him up, he wouldn’t havecared, and he couldn’t have helped thinking the no one else would’ve either.Looking at kids like these, kids that had to fight ever day to just exist, kindof put things into perspective.

Dean was one of those kids once. He still hadn’t heard muchabout Dean’s childhood, but there were painted Disney murals on the walls, andthey struck a chord with something that Sam told him that first night. He couldsee little-boy Dean sitting in front of a television, watching 101 Dalmations, strapped to the sameclunky equipment he was right now and trying to make the best of his bad situation.Back then, he’d probably thought that when he was the age he is now, he’d havea healthy heart to sustain him.

And who was Cas, someone who so freely took advantage of histime here, to be with someone like Dean? Dean must’ve thought it sometimes,too. That Cas wasn’t strong enough for him. That Cas didn’t have the fortitudeto do more than survive when he washealthy enough to be living.

Naomi compared thoughts like that to a steam engine, andCastiel liked to think of his brain as the Disneyland Railroad, blastingstraight through Tomorrowland Station and right into the Primeval World. Exceptwith fewer dinosaurs, maybe. Naomi’s exercises did an okay job of slowingthings down, taking some of the coals off the fire—

“And this is my boyfriend, Cas.”

But nothing ever derailed the train quite like Dean. Cassnapped from whatever steep incline he’d been tumbling down and marveled againat the fact that that was so easy forDean. He took Castiel’s hand for a second, gave it a brief squeeze, and heldhis eye. Castiel could feel where Dean’s IV hooked into the back of his hand,so he tried not to squeeze back too much. But it was hard, because some part ofhim always wanted to hold onto Dean for forever.

Most of the kids didn’t give a shit who Cas was, didn’t givea shit about boyfriends or social stigmas, they only seemed to care that Casmight also be able to draw them in princess dresses or fighting monsters.

“Can you draw like Dean can?” One of the girls asked. Caslooked down at her. Visibly, there was nothing wrong with her, but she waspale, and her lips were a little bit chapped and dry. Castiel knew that he wasmentally assessing what was wrong with each of them, silently doing the is-this-one-going-to-get-better? tangothat Gabriel insisted everyone did but no one admitted to. They got a lot ofMake-A-Wish kids in the park. A lot.And the character actors were always amazingwith them—but the younger people working the rides. The seventeen- andeighteen-year-old kids who had just gotten their first summer jobs—they had noidea what to do with them. Cas didn’t really either. Definitely not to start.

It was always hard. Facing that. Facing something so damningin someone so young.

“No.” The little girl shuffled her feet. He wanted to say, I can’t do much of anything that would be ofinterest to you. I’m not even sure why I’m here. But that was probably alittle bit heavy for a little girl in princess jammies who was up past herbedtime. “I’m not very good at drawing.”

“Oh. I’m okay at it. Last year I won second in a art contestat Garcia’s. You know. The restaurant? I got a free burrito. But Dean’s betterthan me though.” Castiel nodded along. “Do you like horses? I can teach you howto draw horses.”

Castiel nodded again. He watched the little girl scamperback to her bed and grab paper and markers. And then he sat down, shut up, andlearned how to draw horses.

Dean was swamped with kids, smiling hugely behind his papermask, popping off caricatures left and right. Disney characters and otherwise.But Castiel took charge of just the one, and he followed her careful instructionsto produce about as good a horse as he had ever doodled alone.

By the time the nurses came around to break up their not-so-subtlerendezvous, Dean had won the heart of every kid twice-over, and Castiel had aquiet field of pretty horses, grazing in the moonlight, on top of the starklinoleum. The little girl yawned and hugged him and took the drawing with herwhen she climbed back in bed.

As they waved goodbye to the kids and walked, nursesupervised, out the door, Dean bumped him with his shoulder. Castiel, stiffly,bumped back.

“You made a friend,” he teased, that same winning smilecrinkling his eyes.

“Yes, well. I learned how to draw a horse.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“No shit.”

“Nothing quite so impressive as your artwork, I’m afraid.”

Dean blew a raspberry with his lips, took hold of Castiel’shand with his one free one. The rubber tubing of his IVs rubbed against Castiel’sforearm, and Dean’s hidden grin softened into just a smile.

“Sometimes just being there is enough, you know?” Heshrugged.

Castiel squeezed Dean’s hand.

“Yes,” he said. “I suppose it is.”

#spn #how did i forget about this #there are like three more #my fic #your heart makes #long post #Anonymous

[hourtale]

HOW DID YOU GET SO GOOD AT DRAWING???? I LOVE EVERYTHING YOU DO IT'S ALL SO GOOD AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

EIUSDFKHNLAISDUZKFHJNALSKDJFN WHY DIDN’T TUMBLR TELL ME I HAD MESSAGES?!?!?!?!?!!!!THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! i really super appreciate it! ^-^ and i pRACTICED SO MUCH, GOODNESS! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!it wasn’t until the past year or two i actually started liking what i made XD i made alot of mistakes... ALOT lol both doodling-wise and life-wise, and drawing was a way for me to get my feelings out... i eventually got to the point i was tired of hating what i made and sat down one day, grabbed a shit ton of references from google of what i wanted to draw, and scribbled repeatedly. took alotta breaks in between... as in id dedicate a whole day to it, then leave it for a week or two, and go back to it, trying to remember everything ive learned and pull it directly from memory. eventually i started getting a feeling for things ^-^if something was looking too round, like... a fox head or something (i started out with animals around 7? years ago lol but this was about 3 years ago) then i tried a different approach. id shave the circle i was using, or discard it all together and tried to draw from memory on the structure of it.ANYWAYS recently like oh gosh if you look at my old space backgrounds from a couple of months ago XD   i really wanted to improve on drawing/coloring Space! so i took a day i had off and sat down, grabbed some images from google, and watched MANY videos on how other people style space! i didn’t do anything in this time... just sorta took it all in lol. once i felt like i had a few techniques i could use, i played around and made my own style!WOW SORRY THAT GOT LONG XD i got excited lmaoanywho! hope you have a good day! AND SORRY FOR LATE REPLY i didn’t even know until i saw it in my activity tumblr why you do dis

[chaosamplified]

Answer all the questions!

Alisons: Sexuality?

gay 

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

he/him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?

January 23, 2000

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

I think so

Baneberries: Favorite song?

im really feeling Dimple by BTS right now

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

my home family is me, my dad and Cammie. before college I saw my mom once a week. my dad’s side of the family is a bunch of Polaks, my grandma says she isn't polish but we have other thoughts (thats a joke...kind of) they are all mostly not affectionate and they show they care by making fun of each other and if you look at it from the outside it looks like we all really hate each other but thats just how we do things. my moms side is not like that at all, they all pretend to really care about each other but theres a split where half of them are really liberal and the other half is very conservative and borderline racist. I don't doubt that they all genuinely love each other and they do provide for each other in crisis times but they don't really....like each other u know. and the two sides of my family could start world war 3 with the hatred they have for each other 

Begonia: Favorite color? 

steel blue 

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

turtle 

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night person 

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

id be a cat they are always so chill and they know they can do whatever they want and they're right  

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

the house I lived in only had 1 story that was safe for children to be in so I was very bad at using stairs until I was 12 because I never had to 

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth? 

if I could do whatever I want id probably visit my mom and apologize for all the things I would never say otherwise. spend some time with Charlie and Lio. tell him all of the things im too afraid to say now. and end the day with Cammie and my dad, probably crying. 

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

single

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

greece maybe? somewhere on the Mediterranean that isn't Cassis because I want variety 

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

not yet

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

2 in each ear 

California Poppy: Height?  

5′1

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

no but I wish they were real

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

green sweatshirt, black “skinny” jeans, black vans, green and orange floral hat 

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

I kept my closet light on every night for the first like 10 years of my life 

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

Lio

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

courier new 

Columbine: Are you tired?

eternally (not actually, im chillin right now)

Coneflower: Dream job?

head songwriter/performer/art coordinator/all that shit for a touring solo act (me, im the act)

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

Puppy and Fred were both Dalmatians, and then Allie and Tom who were cats (I still have all of them at home except for puppy)

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Aquarius 

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

ive done lots of things that are worth having me remember, im not sure that ive done anything worth having other people remember 

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

literally not care at all

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

Cammie I think

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

talking about things when they actually matter 

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

I finished editing one of my songs! I performed live for the first time in over a year! I uhhh started growing a penis!

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

fine, not extraordinarily good but not bad 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

not one bit 

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

nothing :) sleep?

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

fantasy ideal is like. waking up and making out with my boyfriend and then going to an amusement park for a couple hours just cuz we can, spending the evening performing and then getting wasted with that same boyfriend in our luxurious house 

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

play piano and lay on piano 

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

like 5 that I would genuinely consider friends 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

I try too hard at some things and not hard enough at other things and never the right amount about literally anything

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I can see anything as art or potential art 

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

hm. well. inability to talk about things when they matter. boobs. ugly in general. lazy. the list goes on

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

I really liked creating entire universes. like literal different planets and creatures that live there and relationships between them and the way they live their lives. 

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

my mom going to jail

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

I picked Sam as a holder name while I was discovering that I was trans because it was very easily gender neutral and started with the first letter of my birth name and then when I came out I still hadn't picked a better name but I didn't want to hear my birthname anymore so I just said I was going by Sam. when I changed it legally I made it Samuel because I no longer related to gender neutrality and I never had a nickname growing up and wanted Sam to be my birthname. Somehow Alexander just came to me as a middle name, I didn't really think about it at all and was doodling things about names and wrote “Samuel Alexander” and was like huh. and didn't think about it for months. and then in class one day I said “guys I don't even have a middle name” and Hailey was looking up names and came up with a couple and wasn't satisfied with her findings and then she found Alexander and was like “ok this one for sure” and I had never even mentioned to her that I was considering Alexander and then I was like well this is it. later I realized that when I was little I usually picked the name Alex as my character names but then decided I couldn't use it because I wasn't cool enough. I still feel like im not cool enough for the name Alex but now I go by Sam to some people and Alex to others 

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Jackson, Michigan. I usually thought that it sucked because theres not a lot for like teenagers to do there. but I was never one of those who despised it there, which is how most people who live there feel. now that im in Ann Arbor I realize that there just aren't a lot of opportunities for what society says teenagers should do, but that we made do. I realize now that Jackson is actually pretty rad and I can't wait to go back there tomorrow. I miss it a lot. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

really awful lavender walls with pink, green, yellow and blue butterfly decor everywhere. my sister and I shared it and never changed anything about it from the years of 2003-2012 (2012 being when we moved out)

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

I kind of mentioned this before. It sucked in lots of ways. I was really suicidal for a long time. I hated all of my family situations. I thought I would never amount to anything, I thought I would never have the courage to come out as anything. I didn't think I was gonna go to college. but I also had some really awesome lovely friends in middle and high school, Max, Hailey and Eli in particular. Eli and I have some differing views and don't talk a lot anymore, and Hailey and I had a really bad falling out, but we had no tension it was great. with Max is where most of my “teenage fun” (?) happened tho. he had a car and we did dumb shit like go to Cascades and random parking lots and grocery stores. we smoked weed once and got drunk once. those days were great and I never thought about my family and was never suicidal when I went out with Max on random high school nights

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

we were moderately close when I was really little, and then my parents started getting divorced and some shit went down between us and we didn't talk for 6 months. when I started talking to her again things were very tense. I didn't like her and I didn't want her in my life at all. our relationship is still strained but I love her now and were never going to agree on everything and she's always going to hold to a lot of her ways, and were never going to have the relationship I wish we did. but she's doing her job as a parent now and thats what I care about. she has a very specific personality based off of pop culture and ive kind of developed some of that in my own life. she's hard to explain

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

until I was like 5 I genuinely thought that he hated me, but in reality he was just stressed and worked all the time and didn't really know how to be a parent. we were never exactly close when I was young, I was kind of afraid of him. then the divorce happened and he realized that I am a person with thoughts and feelings and goals and that he was in charge of helping me develop, now all on his own. he didn't do a great job with that transition, and kind of just started treating me as an adult. but it worked. we got really close and stayed that way for a few years. then he got in a new relationship and all of her children moved in with us and they were awfully behaved and him and his girlfriend treated my sister and I as if we were also awfully behaved even though we aren't, so for that time period I had strong feelings that he wasn't being a good parent and was quite frankly being neglectful, which honestly was true. now that they no longer live with us (them? I don't live there anymore) I feel like our relationships is a lot better. could also have something to do with the fact that ive moved out. now that im rebellious and don't care what he thinks my life is a lot better. aside from parenting, he's a really cool person. he plays guitar and has lots of knowledge about musical equipment, he is the reason I took this path in life and he supports me because that was his dream too. he is also so good at being a mechanic like his customers are so loyal that he moved companies and most of them came with him, he's great at it and has so much knowledge. he just in general has a lot of knowledge and great stories and is very funny. I love him a lot

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my Papa (grandpa on dads side) was my entire heart. he loved me more than anything and I felt the same about him. he died when I was 6 and I can't really get more into it because it is one of the saddest thing that has ever happened to me and I don't think I will ever get over it. his wife, my grandma, has surprisingly been one of my most supportive family members with my transition. she took me to France and not any other grandkids. I think im her favorite no offense. I also lived with her for a long time so we're moderately close. now that im older and don't care what my family thinks of me its really easy for me to talk to her. my grandma on my moms side lived with us 4 months of the year but she had some sort of mental problem that never got diagnosed that made it slightly uncomfortable to be around her, but she loved us with her whole heart and I love her too. her husband I only met twice in my life and I don't care about him at all

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

I met my crush by force 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I don't really have anyone that I look up to in the traditional sense 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

in love. making sufficient money off my music that I can take extended break periods and my partner doesn't have to work. having exciting adventures all the time

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

god. lol

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Cammie

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

not to be narcissistic but genuinely probably when I play a whole song on piano and can feel that im playing everything correctly 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

this is an unfair question! I usually put the nerf in the middle of the night at Michaels story because its lit. 

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

uhhh being abused. haha

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

easy when they are social issues or they don't personally affect me. hard if I have to tell another person my personal views on them or something they do

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

Cammie

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

like 7 hours with waking up approx 6 times in there 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

school. sometimes thats not enough and I don't get up

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

I don't have a job

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

I really like my blue/gold/white sweatshirt and the green and orange floral hat im wearing now (bc its from cassis)

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

gay punk alcoholic wannabe skater kpoppie 

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

I reallllyyyy want a Yoongi funko pop at this moment in time. in general I never know.

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

not knowing if he wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

literally 0. i haven't read a book like last march (?) when I sped read The Kite Runner in 48 hours for a class 

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

I have no clue! hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

unfortunately 

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I want to dye my hair a fun color but am afraid