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drvscarlett · 28 days

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Sweet Nothings (2)

Carlos Sainz x pageant queen!reader

Summary: All that they ever wanted was sweet nothings but everything changed like midnight rain.

Sweet Nothings: 1, 2, 3. 4

A/N: i indulged a lot with catriona so expect a lot of her faces. i like to build up things hehe.let me know your thoughts

YNjpeg posted a photo.

Liked by CarlosSainz55, LewisHamilton, and 543,456 others

YNjpeg thank you for the opportunity for the roundtable to discuss different issues faced by our society [link]

User4 the way she speaks says a lot about her character

User6 I dont need to see any other queen, Y/N is my Miss Universe 2024.

User7 i never knew Y/N is this knowledgeable

User9 right?? i mean before we all knew her as just Carlos' partner User10 is it bad for me to say that i think Carlos and Y/N break up is a good thing? User9 true bestie.

LewisHamilton Wonderful insights, thank you for using your voice!

YNjpeg honored to be appreciated by you Lew! LewisHamilton 👑☝️ User12 real recognize real!

User55 anyone notice that carlos is still liking?

User90 omg i just noticed that! User77 my divorced parents

F1News posted an article.

Carlos Sainz sits down talking about championships, end of contracts, and relationships.

The hottest topic in the paddock at the moment has been Carlos Sainz. He is the driver that has been to watch out for as he becomes the El Matador that crushes Red Bull's streak of victory. The soon to be ex-Ferrari driver thanks the team for building a good car and creating new strategy that allowed them to best Red Bull several times already.

It was no surprise that him and teammate, Charles Leclerc has been chasing Max down for the championship. When asked about how does he deal with the pressure, he mentioned that he kept himself grounded by a note tucked inside of his helmet. He said that the content of the notes cannot be discussed (as well as the writer of the note) but he is very grateful for it for keeping him in touch with reality. The Spaniard is currently sitting at the second place with only 2 points difference from the current champion.

"It has not yet been decided" this is what Carlos has to say regarding where he would sign next. Carlos assures everyone that there are offers but he is still weighing which will be a better option. His focus at the moment was not on the signing because as he states "if I'm a good driver then the offers will just keep coming." He wishes to focus on doing his best with his current team and reiterates that he has no ill feelings with the team.

Another hot topic that Carlos was asked about is regarding his love life. There were rumors about his split with long-time girlfriend and now running for Miss Universe, Y/N L/N. Carlos explained how he is very proud of Y/N and that he wishes all the best for her. He refused to answer questions detailing more about her since he explains that "focus on Y/N as a beauty queen and not because of her relationship. She deserves more than just being someone's girlfriend."

CarlosY/N4ever

CarlosY/N4ever me realizing that Miss Universe 2024 and the Las Vegas Grand Prix is happening together???!!!

User5 wdym together???

CarlosY/N4ever It will both happen in the 24th,the gp will go first at 2pm while the Miss Universe will start at 6pm. User5 OHMYGOD????

User7 So are we going to watch miss universe or f1???

User8 Im gonna watch both User9 rip to us with a different timezone

User10 i love how we can use Y/N's reactions for this

User11 girlie is a walking meme User13 walking meme but still elegant

User19 SO WILL THE GRID BE WATCHING????

User22 what is barbenheimer when we have this going on!!!

QueenYNUpdates just posted a reel

Well my gowns and my costumes have been carefully selected. Everything has a meaning. It is an homage for my country and of course to the best parts of myself. [Can we have any more insights about your evening gown] All I can say is that I want to make Filipinos proud and the color has a very personal meaning.

User10 Im excited to see her final look!

User12 agreeeee,her attention to details is everything!

User7 Our filipina queen! PERIODT!

User13 the color has a very personal meaning + that smile.. anyone wanted to bet with me that its ferrari red???

User15 I might cry if its really red User18 and its carlos' last year to ferrari as well User90 I just want to have a good time on this app

User55 Go fight for the crown!!!! Bring home the crown!!!

QueenYNUpdates posted a reel

[What can you say about your relationship with Carlos, everyone is curious about what happened] This is the only time, I'll talk about this. If you are looking for drama, there is no drama between the two of us. Carlos and I met when we were still young people and we grew up together. We matured as individuals..Its not a bad thing. I am extremely happy and proud of where he is right now. Were both chasing our dreams. What we are, what have been. Its all good. That's all that I have to say.

User5 This basically confirms it.

User6 we are really children of divorce

User7 CARLOS GET HER BACK, ITS NOT TOO LATE

User8 YEAH SHE IS NOT YET MISS UNIVERSE User9 BRO DON'T LET HER GO CarlosSainz55

User11 Its the miss universe curse. If the girl really wants the crown then they will undergo heartbreak

User14 why do we have to sacrifice someone?? User15 so miss universe is just like ferrari strategy? here we sacrifice a boyfriend, in ferrari we sacrifice leclerc User17 that comment got me gagged.

YNjpeg posted a photo

liked by CarlosSainz55, LandoNorris, and 876,525 others

YNjpeg I am ready to represent!!! Flying to Vegas!!!

Charles_Leclerc goodluck Miss Philippines!!

YNjpeg thank you charlieee

LandoNorris can't wait to see you take the crown

YNjpeg lando you believe in me too much LandoNorris I SAID take the crown!!! YNjpeg ON IT!

User5 im so happy that she is still being supported by the grid

User67 bring home the crown Y/N!

User8 Mark my words, she will come back with the crown!

User9 safe flight!!!

CarlosSainz55 just posted a photo.

CarlosSainz55 You always hated flying. You told me that there is a certain discomfort and uncertainty when you are a thousand feet from the ground. Right now, you are flying. I know it has a certain discomfort and uncertainty of what's to come but I believe you can find some joy in it.

You will always be the most beautiful in the universe.

User7 OMG????

User6 CARLOS I WAS UNFAMILIAR WITH YOUR GAME

User8 bro really went to tell the whole world that he will be here no matter what

User15 were always talking about how Y/N is Carlos' biggest fan but Carlos is also Y/N's biggest fan

User17 ITS TOO ERALY TO CRY

CarlosSainz55 just deleted the post.

#carlos sainz x reader #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #carlos sainz imagines #f1 fic #f1 smau #carlos sainz x you

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sinceileftyoublog · 7 months

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Say Anything Interview: Intentional Is My Default

Photo by Nicole Mago

BY JORDAN MAINZER

I'm waiting back stage at Riot Fest for Say Anything's Max Bemis to finish a photoshoot, one that sees him lie in the grass in various positions that make it look like he's stretching after a tough workout. Despite the fact that he hasn't yet gotten his real workout in yet--his newly reformed band would go on stage in a few hours--and that this photoshoot is full of capital-p Poses, I'm taken by how at ease Bemis seems with everything. When we speak, he reveals to me that, yes, while he did in fact feel awkward during the photoshoot--most of us do--he's learning to lean into his feelings much more naturally.

Five years ago, the legendary emo band disbanded, with their 2019 album Oliver Appropriate billed as their final LP for the moment. A purported sequel to their beloved sophomore record ...Is A Real Boy, the album was publicized in conjunction with a nine-page letter from Bemis, in which came out as bisexual and admitted to struggles with drug use. (The frontman has long been open about his diagnosed bipolar disorder, previous self-medication through drugs, and manic episodes.) During the pandemic, Bemis stayed busy, performing livestreams of older material, but there was always lingering doubt the band's hiatus would become permanent.

It wasn't until late last year that Bemis dropped that the band would be reuniting for festivals in 2023. In typical nonchalant fashion, he shared that the reunion would include past members drummer Coby Linder and bassist Alex Kent by replying to someone's comment on a Facebook post. In April, the band released their first new material since Oliver Appropriate, the maximally stream-of-consciousness rant "Psyche!". The song sees Bemis laying out those same struggles for everyone to bear witness to, blaming himself for his personal, marital, and familial problems atop a bevy of references to the band's older material, Titanic, and Riot Fest itself. "By Riot Fest '24, I'll be coughing up corks if you supply the Malörk," he sings, a line that's instantly iconic and bound to be infamous for its satiric misspelling of Chicago's shot of choice. In August, the band followed it up with "Are You (In) There?", which also establishes itself within our emo universe, with mentions of Sunny Day Real Estate and mewithoutYou, but a more personal ode to Bemis' wife and the love they have for each other despite his past actions and shortcomings. And just this morning, Say Anything annouced ...Is Committed (Dine Alone), their new record, along with a single entitled "Carrie & Lowell & Cody (Pendent)", Bemis placing his "mommy issues" in conversation with those of indie folk luminary Sufjan Stevens. The song is musically heavier and more complex and full-throated, while also containing gorgeous choral harmonies from Bemis' wife, Sherri Dupree-Bemis.

At one point, the future of the band was a mystery to everyone, Bemis included. But with some newfound perspectives, the musical and personal influence of new band member Brian Warren of Weatherbox, and therapy, it seemed from just the short conversation I had with Bemis and Kent that they're in a good place, ready to embrace their new chapter. Read my interview below, conducted last month before I knew about their new album, edited for length and clarity. Catch the band three nights next week at The Regent Theater in LA and at When We Were Young in Las Vegas next weekend.

Photo courtesy of Say Anything

Since I Left You: How does it feel to be back?

Max Bemis: It feels great. I don't think I would have decided to write the songs again if I didn't aspire to how this feels now, which is very different than our experience as little kids being in a punk band, which was very intense and an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. But this is comfortable, and it feels like having the best job ever, in the words of Piebald. It could have been a stress fest, anxious, or bad, but the only reason I wanted to write again was to reach for this thing that we never got to settle into, being dads approaching 40. The bands we looked up to were doing it at that age and still making inventive music but still seeming to chill and not base their entire personas and aspirations around being in a band. I think I appreciate it more now that I'm not trying to be "a guy in a band" as hard as I was.

Alex Kent: Something we've been talking about since getting back up and running was the transition from utilizing it as an escape versus a form of healing. Because we've been through so much traumatic shit in our lives, most of the time Max and I talk, we talk about therapy. It's fucking weird going from 18 years old on a tour bus to having that self-awareness and reflection.

MB: I didn't need it like that for many years because our entire life cycle was keyed in to being on tour. I wasn't living a normal person life. I'm not saying I ever have really or ever will--I wrote comic books for five years. That's still weird. We're still weirdo guys. Having a family, coming out of that kind of circus, I feel more like my 14-year-old self who needed this music for that reason.

SILY: The new songs have a self-aware quality.

MB: More than ever.

SILY: How do you include the self-awareness in a set at a festival or concert, where you're literally referring to other songs you're playing in the setlist?

MB: We refer to Riot Fest itself!

SILY: And Malörk [sic]

MB: And Malörk. It's incredibly self-referential and ironic, but because the band started that way, it's come full circle and is no longer ironic at the same time. There's still a lot of exaggeration and bullshit, but it's closer to me saying actual things that are happening. As you age, everyone's life becomes a circus, more surreal. The world has been very surreal, with COVID and Trump. You kind of have to say your inner experience now. It's an emotional, crazy, surreal thing anyway. It's not like before, when I said, "I have to think about my ex-girlfriend, but I'm thinking about my wife, and what the fuck is this about?" Now, this is about being at Riot Fest. And I am at Riot Fest.

SILY: There is a song about your wife, though.

MB: Yes. Also quite literal. So many emotions are certainly exaggerated, but the sincerity isn't. The love for my wife is very real. But even there, if you're in any successful relationship, it goes through the most intense rebirths and reformations, and you're adjusting to each other, especially after having kids. It's more potent to me to say what's happening or what my emotions are than do what we did on In Defense of the Genre, where I was literally forcing drama into my life on a regular basis. Now, I have no room. I'm tired. I have children to look after. The drama just happens from kids, life, everything. It's real and heartfelt, but a seasoned emotion and not so adolescent. I still love those songs, and I relate to them, but they all speak to a certain side of me I can't live out anymore.

SILY: Do the new songs more than ever exemplify the idea that the more personal you are, the more universal the songs can be?

MB: Yeah. But probably by being a little too hyper-specific. That's why I fell in love with this kind of music. Saves The Day got me into wanting to be in a band. What wowed me was when he was talking about the names of the other band members in song, like, "Ted's drooling on his sleeve." He's just saying he's in this New Jersey bar and he misses his girlfriend. He's not cloaking anything. Our thing has been a kind of parody of that, but now I don't have to stretch anything for it to be a parody.

Photo by Ben Trivett

SILY: What do you think Brian Warren brings to the table on the new songs?

AK: I've known Brian since we were 9 years old. Our very first band, we were in together.

MB: I wouldn't know about Weatherbox if it wasn't for Alex.

AK: He brings this calming energy. Humble is a weird word to describe him.

MB: It's accurate.

AK: Weatherbox is fucking amazing.

MB: He has more impostor syndrome than even me.

AK: He can play everything, and he writes cool shit.

MB: He's a virtuoso. The cool thing about Brian is that there's always been a connection between our bands. It's similar to me playing music with [Chris] Conley [in Two Tongues] back in the day. It's surreal, but it makes so much sense that you don't have to think about where he fits into the sonic picture or personality picture because we're friends.

AK: It's very cool how much sense it makes.

SILY: Has your relationship changed to your old songs?

MB: I like them more. Over the break from the band, I would listen to Say Anything, with my kids or in my car, alone. The way I severed it was so intentional. I wasn't saying, "The band was over." I was saying, "We're probably going to get back together, but I have to sever this incarnation." I was listening to [old Say Anything songs] and thinking, "I like Alex's bass part. I like the production. I even like my voice." It was like listening to another band, because of the space. I've grown to like them. I definitely know people in bands that are not what they listen to, but Say Anything has always been a conglomeration of the type of thing we listen to. If I'm going to listen to The Get Up Kids, I might as well listen to Say Anything.

SILY: Moving forward, are you trying to continue to be more intentional, or do what feels best?

MB: Both. I know that's cliché to say, and it does and doesn't make sense. I find that intentional is my default, and before, I would second-guess myself constantly. Now, I allow myself to make mistakes, and I let other people give me advice that before were such cerebral trips. There was a lot that weighed on me. If the lyrics are super intentional and literal, I'm just going to do it. If I feel awkward in a photo shoot like right now, I'm just going to be awkward in the photo shoot. That is, of course, my safe and happy place in life.

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fishy-xp · 2 years

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KinnPorsche Ep 8 Brain Rot

(ghosts and love and trying to ignore the honkee)

Porsche and his fear of ghosts - I don't know if they really just threw that in there for some heeheehaha comedy but I will take the opportunity to superimpose my thougts and call it analysis. I have zero clue about Thai culture and their beliefs in the supernatural so this rambling comes from a secular perspective but I would definitely love to know more about Thai beliefs and relationships with ghosts. But my canon, if you can call it that, is that people who see the underbelly of the world, mafias, murderers etc etc are more inclined to be scared of ghosts because at this point they aren't scared of humans anymore. They know just what humanity is capable of, all the horrible little things about us so it no longer scares them unlike a regular person who would definitely be terrified of their closest serial killer. But death for these types of people is always knocking at the door so at this point he's just an unwanted salesperson. But on the otherhand, ghosts and the supernatural, it provides a sense of uncertainty and the unknown. A human, no matter how bad, is still limited by their mortality. They will die if a bullet is put in them, Porsche knows this. But a ghost? How tf does one even begin to fight off the ghost of your boyfriend's ex? Is it even possible? So yeah, why wouldn't he be scared of something he knows a bullet won't stop.

I would defend Ken some more, but right now he only needs protecting from KinnPorsche's unending hornkeeness

KINN TAKING SNEAKY BITES WHILST PORSCHE SCOLDS HIM BECAUSE HE'S TRYING TO TAKE A PHOTO IS SO GNTIGJVSKRANFMEDWRNTE, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME

The shift in Kinn in this episode may seem out of character for big bad mafia but for me, someone who loves you will bring out the part of you you could never be in your day to day life. Throughout life, you become this mold of a person that is incredibly hard to change, the roles you fall into seem so natural and you find yourself unconscionously giving and giving to this expectation of yourself. But when you're in love, suddenly, those roles are reversed. Someone else makes the decisions for once, that person draws out the spontaneity to your timetabled-to-the-hour perfectionist. The other person throws a complete hammer in the works and at first, it's anxiety-inducing to be taken out of your comfort zone before you realise it's just the fact you've never been on the receiving end until now. In this ep, Kinn is taken out of his element, put in sheep's clothing and he realises how much of the pretty green meadow he hasn't seen because it's absolutely beautiful. Porsche wanted a beautiful dinner by the river, but Kinn has spent his life in excess, opulence and beauty. But you know what he hasn't done? Sat on the ground next to a fountain and eaten fishballs off a stick. You can look at one thing every single day and the beauty may fade, you bring someone who has never seen this thing before in their life and you will see the stars in their eyes expanding. This is what Porsche does for Kinn. This is why Kinn seems so completely enamoured and happy by the entire day. AND IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES.

I wonder if Kim is like an asshole of endearment? I remember in one earlier episode he said to Big 'why are you still here?' and I just remember thinking WOW WHAT A DICKHEAD WHY HE WANNA CATCH THESE HANDS. But then this time, his very thinly veiled 'joke' about Porsche being his dad's secret child makes me wonder if he's actually friendly with Big but in the insult your friends type of way.

Okay I really can't remember anything else from this episode other than soft KP (like the bread) and then very very hard KP (like Kinn's Magnum pistol lmfao, send help)

Sidenote, I was also one of the people eagerly awaiting some VegasPete and I'm absolutely feral because I was convinced we would have a Killing Stalking moment of Vegas of giving Pete some severe blunt force trauma to the head as the final cliffhanger scene. So now I've decided absolutely not to listen to KP Tumblr because the way y'all got my hopes up SHSHSHSHHS

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #vegaspete #kinnporsche ep8 #kinnporsche meta #kinnporsche brain rot #kinn theerapanyakul #kinnporsche la forte #i miss my boy macau #i bet yall thought i was gonna say vegas #and you right #i miss my red flag as well #kinnporsche brainrot

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sleevesareforlosers · 2 years

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how's the road trip going?

oh my god. dude.

so on ONE HAND im a living cautionary tale about (sorry to anyone with common sense for what im about to say i did) buying a 46 year old motorhome without ever seeing it and then not having a mechanic look at it before you leave and then not getting any kind of roadside assistance membership and then driving to uh. las vegas from vancouver (and back. hopefully). yesterday we broke down three seperate times and ive spent a SIZEABLE amount of my getting-hit-by-a-car insurance payout on just keeping sally (my motorhome) running (this includes two mobile mechanics a heavy-duty tow a regular mechanic AND a few visits to auto parts places) (im gonna become a self taught mechanic but only for 76 chevy vans)

on the OTHER HAND: im literally having the time of my life. i live in a 25 foot motorhome with two of my best friends and every day we just get up and drive however far we want and then we find a (usually free) place to smoke, eat, and sleep. rinse and repeat. there was a solid stretch of a week where we swam in a different body of water every day. we effectively got paid to camp a few nights when we stayed in casino parking lots. ive seen world-famous national parks for free (which was because we broke down in the line to get in but whatever) and woke up to sunrise in the sierra nevadas and watched sunset from a cliff overlooking the pacific ocean. AND THE CLIMBING. oh my god the climbing. i need everyone to look up promontory in california we didnt climb the main wall but just looking at it gave me the shakes. i got no photo access rn bc all the best pictures are on my roadmates phones but once the trip is over i might do a post w some good climbing shots bc !!!! wow! i can climb a lot of really scary stuff REALLY well

on the OTHER other hand. i am disgusting. every single killjoys blogger ever romanticizing eating canned food and living in a car in the desert needs to paypal me 25 dollars so that i can pay for a night in a place with a shower. literally as i was typing this answer i had to have a discussion with my roadmates about wanting clothes washed *with soap* because we're at a laundromat and forgot to put detergent in one of the loads the first time around. ive got bug bites from weeks ago that still havent healed and we dont know why and the STATE of my toenails is. ill say less. do not get me wrong this trip is fucking fantastic but i am discovering and blowing straight through every personal hygiene limit i could possibly have. i share a bed with a boulder pad the size of another person that is STILL shedding sand from the oregon coast

so uh. if you ever have the chance to do a minimal-planning roadtrip you should. even the most stressful days (of which we have not had a shortage) have had good moments and the best days are perfect

#anonymous #sorry if you were expecting more of a like 'heres where weve been and what weve seen' no.#listen to me talk about washing my underwear in rivers

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frontproofmedia · 8 months

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JERMELL CHARLO VIRTUAL WORKOUT QUOTES AND PHOTOS

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Published: September 13, 2023

Undisputed Junior Middleweight Champion Charlo Challenges Undisputed Super Middleweight Champion Canelo Álvarez Headlining SHOWTIME PPV® Saturday, September 30 from T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas

HOUSTON, TX. – Undisputed junior middleweight world champion Jermell Charlo held a live-streamed media workout on Monday and previewed his upcoming showdown against undisputed super middleweight world champion Canelo Álvarez topping a SHOWTIME PPV Saturday, September 30, from T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas. Canelo Promotions will present the Premier Boxing Champions Pay-Per-View.

Houston’s Charlo will look to earn undisputed status in a second weight class with a career-defining triumph over Canelo in the first showdown between two reigning male undisputed champions in the four-belt era.

Tickets for the live event, which is promoted by Canelo Promotions and TGB Promotions, are available through AXS.com.

Charlo’s workout streamed live on the SHOWTIME Sports YouTube channel and SHOWTIME Boxing Facebook Page and was co-hosted by WWE Hall of Famer and radio personality Booker T and PBC announcer Ray Flores. Here is what Charlo, along with trainer Derrick James, had to say Monday from his training camp in Houston:

JERMELL CHARLO

“I’ve been doing this my whole life, and now it’s time to put on for my city. Put up or shut up and do what I do. I’m facing one of the best fighters in the world, you have to be excited for this moment.

“Now is the right time for this fight. We’re in our primes and at our best. I wanna shake the doubters off and prove to the world why I’m in this position. There’s a reason I made it this far. I’m gonna show what I’m made of. Everything I’ve done since I was eight years old, I’m putting it all on the line now.

“I’m not going to have to worry about losing too much weight. I’ve been sparring bigger guys for a very long time, and now it’s about bringing that same mindset that I have at 154 pounds and bringing it up with me to 168 pounds.

“Of course, there’s pressure. We have to be dominant and not just rely on a knockout. I have to beat him for 12 rounds. I have to do what I have to do in the ring to protect myself while still being vicious.

“This is a dream come true, just like winning undisputed, winning a world title and making it out the mud was. Once you get this far and see yourself prospering, you just want to keep bringing it. I’m staying focused on handling business.

“We’ve done so much sparring and conditioning. I’m working on the mental as well, because I know it’s not only about the physical. I’ve been training 14 weeks and making sure I do everything I need to.

“I just have to stay hungry. And I’ve been hungry. I would’ve fought Canelo years ago, and it probably wouldn’t have been as big as it is now. But I’m not too focused on being in the ring with Canelo, I’m just hungry. I want to win this fight for my city.

“If I accomplish this massive goal, it’ll be hard to top. I’ll be in the record book with the greats of boxing for a long time.

“I’m so dialed in as far as my team and everyone around me. I just need to get in the ring and do what I have to do.”

DERRICK JAMES, Charlo’s Trainer

“Having two undisputed championships at the same time would be amazing. It would be historic for Jermell.

“It’s gonna be back and forth early. Canelo has to impose his will, and Jermell has to show him who he is. You have to stop him from being his great self.

“Jermell’s advantage is actually his size. You have to maximize that advantage. It’s about what Jermell is able to do. He doesn’t have to become the guy, he has to be the guy.

“You win the fight in the gym. You’re not pulling a rabbit out of your hat. You have to go in the ring having done it the right way.”

(Featured Photo: Andrew Hemingway/Showtime)

#HF #Jermell Charlo #Canelo Alvarez #Premier Boxing Champions #Showtime Boxing

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thewaybackcloset · 1 year

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Market In The Alley: A collective of creators, designers and makers

Ever since moving to Las Vegas, I sought out to find a gathering of small business owners and generally anyone who is side hustling in some sort of way. With Vegas having a stigma and allure of being the Sin City to satisfy your vices, I want to remind visitors (and myself from time to time) that it also is an actual place with actual people. This year I have become more invested in how I spend my time. I have been freelancing much more than actually going to my "day job", which graciously allows me to work as part time as I want. So, with various copy writing projects filling my time, I thought what better way to ignite my right brain then to seek out the passion projects of Las Vegas and unveil some buried inspiration.

After a few years of exploring places I would normally go to "get out of the house" I stumbled upon a daytime event this past January. On a random Sunday I went to Market In The Alley in downtown Fremont across the street from the abandoned Fergusons Motel, which has been a vacant space for many years, except for the Burning Man Big Rig Jig sculpture towering above the desolation.

Now, the downtown Fergusons is a bustling hub in the making. It has finally undergone a major makeover to become a co-working space for various workshops, boutique hotel rooms, main offices for Market In the Alley and other downtown businesses. At the last Market I wandered over to take a look at the progress and there are few units already in operation, like the new Hatsumi Japanese Restaurant and a space proposed for a coffee shop.

The Downtown Fergusons collective also started a monthly event in the evenings that focuses on tasty libations: alcoholic and non-alcoholic called Pour in the Alley.

The Pour in the Alley event is usually during the week before the next Market, which occurs every third Sunday. In the past they have had tasting events focused on tequila, coffee and most recently, mezcal. Next month's will be rum focused. For future Pour in the Alley events peep the Fergusons Downtown Pour in the Alley Calendar.

Vulnerable moment PSA: The first time I went to Market In the Alley, I was feeling pretty down and out after getting into a car accident the week prior. I really needed to GET OUT and be around people doing cool things: making, creating, moving on, working towards their goals, letting their creativity flow and flourish, instead wallowing in the event that had just occurred. I'm so happy I did, because not only was it a distraction, but it ignited something in me to keep going and keep brainstorming ideas on how to resolve the situation. And walking through the Alley is inspiring...

So, with friends from work we have made Market Sundays a regular day date. Each time we go, I always meet a new person who wants to collaborate; whether it's cosmetology, photography, music or film production. This area is full of creatives that are wandering around looking for their next inspiration. This is what makes the wheel turn: a community of individuals that hustle for their dreams and aren't afraid of collaborating for free.

My hairstylist I now see, I met her twice at the market! Once at the January market and then at the February one; it was fate. She coaxed me into getting a fresh look from her along with makeup for a photo and video shoot. Out of that one collaboration, I now know a Vegas based fashion stylist, hairstylist, makeup artist and photographer. And we all have regular Market Sunday meet ups.

As for the event vendors, there are always so many. It's hard to list my favorites. Vendors change monthly depending on if they can snag a booth in time before the deadline or if the event sells out. A few lovely vendors I frequent have been there regularly and always have an assortment of their own goods: from vintage wrestling tees, jewelry, coffee, organic home products, and so much more.

Each month I feel like there are more vendors than the last. Market in the Alley is definitely growing in popularity and it's fun for everyone. There is always a rotation of live music outside nestled in the middle of the Market greens. The Bunkhouse Saloon has specials all day, plenty of food trucks to satisfy every different diet, coffee, animal adoption and morning yoga some days. As we move into the 'hotter than hell' of desert summers, Market in the Alley will most likely transition into a Night Market.

Hope this helps anyone in Las Vegas, visiting or stationary, that is looking for another way to socialize, take in the local scene or get those creative juices flowing... ✌️

#dtlv #Las Vegas #creatives #entrepreneur #freelancingfemales

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theliterateape · 1 year

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The Final Stage of Grief

by Don Hall

Prior to recording a recent Literate ApeCast, Himmel and I talked a bit about the Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief. In regards to the demise of my third marriager and subsequent demolishing of the life I thought I was living, it turns out that I have mixed them up some, skipped one step altogether, and am now in the final act.

The stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I think I went through Denial and Depression at the same time during the four months hiding in my one bedroom apartment in Vegas. I skipped Bargaining altogether and only recently got to Anger. So, what does Acceptance look like?

Before Apple got all on top of things photos-wise, I used Google Photos a lot. I got rid of it a few years ago because Google has become a predatory feature in the world of data sales but apparently had not deleted the cache of pictures taken over the years.

My iCloud only goes back as 2012 with exactly one photo of me getting a key lime martini in a high end bar with Vanessa Harris. I don't know why I kept it but I like the look on my face as well as the odd spectacle of having a bright green cocktail in hand. Looking at the shot reminds me of a day when Harris and I were wandering around together, telling stories, getting drunk in the day with booze and words. It was a good day and I suppose this one photo expands in my recollection.

The Google Photos account is less curated and more like a giant photo dump. A fair amount of duplicates exist in this digital desk drawer or suitcase and there are over 8,000 pictures of bits both large and small littered in the mix. The timeline went as far back as 2006. Eighteen years of my path suddenly thrust in my face.

As I did eight months ago when the sordid details of my third wife's secret life blew up in my face like sewage suddenly shooting straight up out the shower drain, I decided to cull every photo of her, of any hint we had been together, a purge of memories that revealed to me what a sham the whole thing was in effort to do something that felt like emotional chemotherapy. Kill the cancer, grow your hair back, reframe existence.

I used to keep screenshots of plane tickets as a backup and, in this moment, each represented the beginning of a hundred little getaways and vacations, holiday travel, and work related journeys. Before 2014, there were a lot of pictures of me. An embarrassing treasure of Narcissus, gazing into the pool of selfies, reveling in my transformative weight loss of that time when I dropped 80 pounds in 2007/2008. Also in tow were hundreds of inspirational phrases laid out on stock photos as reminders I suppose.

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." "Do no harm. Embrace possibility. Live to tell about it." "Live the Dream. Endure the Nightmare." and one of my favorites that seems to encapsulate both my desire for reminders to avoid being bogged down in convention and my tendency toward treating obstacles with unfettered aggression: "Life is Short. Can you really say you've lived if you haven't punched a stupid person in the face?"

A shot of my friend Matt sleeping on my couch the summer he crashed for three months waiting for his fiancé to return from France. Carl Kasell posing with a bunch of the Carl plush dolls I ordered to sell for Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me!. A panorama shot of me standing on a Michigan beach taken by Alice.

Countless pics of performances of The Moth, BUGHOUSE!, LitMash, and the myriad events I produced for WBEZ all around Chicago. Family photos from Christmas and the Fourth of July—the shock of seeing my nephew (who died from a fentanyl overdose in 2020) when he was alive and happy was bittersweet but lovely. Joe and I roadtripping it to Kansas for my grandma's funeral.

Apparently, from 2008—2016 I had some bizarre desire to take brochure shots of bathroom graffiti in seedy bars all over Chicago.

Along the way I deleted photos of people who were friends at the time but ended up enemies. "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." Up until 2014, I saw a lot of me, a lot of my friends, a lot of life as it unfolded in the form of events and shows and pledge drives and time in the gym. I had already culled through the Alice pictures but strangely managed to still have a few shots of Katie whom I only dated for six weeks.

Sunday, May 11, 2014 was the day things changed. All of the inspirational phrases, carefully set in creative fonts, became pronouncements of love.

"She's mad but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire." "And suddenly, all the love songs were about you." "What we find in a soulmate is not something wild to tame but something wild to run with." "You're kinda, sorta, basically pretty much always on my mind."

The tone shifted in the Google Photos slog through nostalgia. All of a sudden there were scores of pictures of her. The third wife. The fiancé after three dates. Out of the 8,000 stored images, nearly 5,000 were of her or us.

One of her quirks, I'll call it, was that she seemed to be living every one of her failed relationships as if each one had ended the day before. She was still angry at the high school boyfriend who dumped her, the blonde dreamboat who moved to D.C. leaving her behind, the porn photographer who "lost his sexual mojo." She would routinely rant about the frequently homeless guy she dated before meeting me who fetishized her, had a horse cock, and tried to smother her with a pillow once out of jealousy. The frustration of thwarted expectations sat within her all the time to be dredged up in random moments on random days to foul her mood and revisit that which still felt fresh and bleeding in her mind.

I never really understood this quirk as I can barely remember any of the bad times in my past relationships to the point that, when I do think about them, the simple narrative of why it worked and why it failed obfuscates any remembrance of anger or pain. The first ex-wife and I married too young and out of sense that that was what we were supposed to do. We did our best but, in the end, couldn't sustain it. The second ex-wife and I got married out of a transactional artistic arrangement and when I stopped producing shows for her to direct, she found someone else. Alice, while not a wife but a four-year off and on battle, couldn't get enough of sex with me but fundamentally didn't like me much. I stopped ruminating on the specifics of how's and why's and could see more good than bad within each failure.

My past is represented in scars, I thought. Hers are perpetually bleeding.

So I culled my Google Photos of the memories as thoroughly as I could. Countless pictures of the two of us on vacation—Jamaica, St. Thomas, New Orleans, Paris, London, Edinburgh, places in Michigan, Reno, Flagstaff, Harrisburg. Countless pictures of family holidays. Countless shots of her playing drums with various bands in various venues around Chicago. Poetry readings. Storytelling events. Medieval Times. Cirque du Soleil. Pub crawls with flights of beer. House parties.

There were at least several hundred pictures of her nude modeling she'd sent me. At least several hundred of the two of us posing for a couples selfie all over the place. An entire album of our Vegas wedding.

Through it all, I kept expecting to be overwhelmed by grief or anger or disillusionment. I wasn't.

On the day after we decided to divorce but the day before she confessed she'd been working as a prostitute for nearly three years, I told her that, while things didn't work the way we thought it would, ours was the best marriage and the most loved I'd ever lived. I meant it, it apparently meant a lot to her, and we both cried. The next day she unveiled the unthinkable and all of that sentiment was forgotten.

That's the thing about shock. If you're at least a little bit emotionally healthy, it wears off. Sure, it takes time to heal up, to get those bloody cuts to scab over and eventually scar, but it does wear off. "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

What I see was what everyone else saw. A strange but lovely couple. I was ridiculously and wholly in love with this woman. For five years in Chicago, we had an extraordinary partnership even with the personal quirks and curveballs thrown by life. What I see is a man in love and a woman doing her best to love him back. I see joy and laughter. I see mutual support. I see my family embrace her and she embrace them.

I see, for five years, between 2014 and 2019, the best marriage I'd ever had.

When my nephew died, I put together a video in memoriam for my sister. It included pictures of him from birth until shortly before he passed. One of the awful things I noticed in putting it together was that as his life got closer to the day of his death, his eyes started changing. He looked like someone going downhill. It was stark and obvious when no one really saw it at the time.

The Google Photos from the time we arrived in Vegas until the day I knew she decided to live her lie and then until we split reveal something similar. There are fewer pictures of her and the ones that were taken show her flipping the camera off or looking annoyed that I'm taking a picture at all. She starts wearing more and more makeup. Her clothing, which was always sort of a grunge 90's aesthetic, became more tattered and trashy. We took a day trip to Rhyolite, NV and there are forty pictures of the place and only three of her, six of me, and one of the two of us together. She looks unhappy in the four she's posing in.

Another quirk of hers was to subtly adopt the local accent of any place we visited. I first noticed it when we honeymooned in Jamaica. As soon as we got off the plane, her normal speech was suddenly musical in that Jamaican way. When she spoke to locals it became more pronounced. She did this in France and in London, too. Perhaps this assimilation was deeper than the accents but with the place. Las Vegas is a place of easy money, flexible morality, and an influx of tourists coming to have a fine, filthy time before going back to their homes and cubicles.

I'll never know what the truth was and it likely doesn't matter if I do. Getting rid of her photos from this specific digital dump felt more like packing up the clothing of someone who died to go to Goodwill. The woman for whom I collected hundreds of excerpts from Pablo Neruda and lovesick sayings died in February of 2020—I just didn't know until much later. I'll confess that I miss her but who she was rather than who she is and that's some Grade A mindfuckery.

I didn't see the change in her until it was long past the expiration date. I was looking but wasn't seeing what is now completely obvious through the photographs through our time together. I wouldn’t change a day with her for those first five years because I was in love and was with the person I was in love with. The person she chose to be once we got to Vegas is no one I ever wish to see again and so I delete all memory of her as completely as I can. I suppose that’s how all split ups are and the duality of our memories pervades the path forward.

Funny that, as I deleted thousands of reminders of her, I'm keeping all the inspirational sayings and even a few of the romantic ones because you never know who’s coming around the corner, right?

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videographerlasvegas · 2 years

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The Art of Videography

The art of videography is broadening to include every little thing from digital computer animation and video gaming to internet streaming and still slideshows. Videography is additionally becoming a popular tool for remote sensing, spatial imaging, and clinical imaging. A lot of video possessions are bitmap or vector-based, and videographers frequently produce them totally on the computer utilizing software-driven services. The introduction of cell-phones and video recording has actually brought new difficulties as well as possibilities to the area. Innovative instructions for a video project starts during pre-production. This phase entails developing a storyboard, recognizing cam operators, securing places, and also coordinating with the task's director. Throughout production, the video team collaborates on imaginative video camera movements and make-up. Lighting as well as structure should match to develop the best image for the story being told. The Las Vegas videographer utilize various camera techniques to capture one of the most essential moments.

For example, a filmmaker might zoom in on a person's birthday celebration, and also film just that component of the occasion. In contrast, a cinematographer may fire several takes throughout the event. A videographer can additionally choose to fire a wedding or an underwater event, which can be a different sort of event. To be a great videographer, you should learn the technological aspects of videography and create a strong narration skill. This is critical for any kind of type of material. The very best videography skills are tempered by real-world experience. In addition to recognizing the fundamentals of video clip production, you have to have the ability to manage difficulties that turn up throughout paid tasks. Periodically, the illumination conditions will change unexpectedly, or there might be noise pollution. These obstacles call for a lot of understanding and also experience. For aspiring videography, it can be useful to make use of an electronic cam. DSLRs and mirrorless cams are excellent options for novices.

The videographer Las Vegas recognizes exactly how to utilize their camera to produce high-quality videos. After that, the next step is to practice making use of the cam as well as try out its settings. A video manufacturer or manufacturing firm can work with a videographer or cinematographer to develop a marketing video. The video group will certainly use video cameras to develop a brand name photo and marketing message. They will see to it that the footage is innovative as well as is visually appealing. The objective is to make the audience feel something through the movie. Cinematographers as well as videographers are similar in their job duties, however they have different skills. A cinematographer will certainly spend even more time pre-production preparation, while a videographer will certainly be much more hands-on. A cinematographer, on the various other hand, deals with a team of employees to make certain that every little thing goes efficiently. They will certainly likewise route various other workers to make modifications as well as guarantee the film remains in emphasis. Along with videotaping relocating images on electronic media, videographers can likewise include sound as well as songs to the film. They are worked with for movie jobs as well as can function alone or in tiny groups. The job of recording a story entails shooting several scenes at various locations as well as making up the video clips into a film. Some kinds of videography include brief films as well as music videos. For more information about this topic, click here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Videography.

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qqwin999999 · 2 years

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Poker Bloggers Are My QQWIN99 Heroin

There are more poker blogs popping up QQWIN99 in cyber world. I can't keep up. I definitely need another new intern to help me sift through everyone's sad tales of bad beats, their triumphs at newer limits, and their own personal sagas with work, relationships, and other things in the real world. Yesterday I clicked on every blog link I have listed. It took me like 15 hours but I wanted to see what blogs I needed to go back and catch up on this weekend. I made a list. I've also noticed that a handful of blogs have not updated since I took my hiatus. In some areas, I didn't miss much. I really need to trim the list and add newer blogs that I know are out there.

Here's some of the stuff out there going on...

Can someone tell me what happened to Lord Geznikor? Chris Halverson has all these OIC reports. Check them out. Felicia and Glenn have posted trip reports about Arizona card rooms. I'm waiting for HDouble and Iggy's Vegas trip reports. Phil from Studio Glyphic posted his. Riding the F Train has a dozen or so thought provoking entries and you should not miss his NYC card room write ups. Bad Blood posted a bunch of things he's going to do in Vegas. Grubby celebrated his one year as a poker blogger. Boy Genius has all kinds of thoughts about all kinds of topics. Toby from The Nut Heart Flush mentioned that her poker book The Bad Ass Girl's Guide To Poker: All You Need To Beat The Boys is now posted on Amazon.com. Poker Nerd has been posting again. Wil Wheaton had an audition with Alias. I hope he beats out Finch from American Pie. Double As hit a milestone and man I could go on and on and talk about all these blogs. Just go read for yourself.

Random Thoughts

A quick question to all my Canadian readers. Do you guys get as irked as I do when you go to a store, make a purchase, and after looking through your change you find an American coin? I get Canadian pennies, nickles, and dimes all the time. Just wondering. Maybe we can set up some sort of Exchange your change program.

Did anyone else see the Desert Inn imploding on TV a few weeks ago? End of an era. Kinda like when Jerry Garcia died. You know that moment marked the official end of the 1960s. And after the dust settled in Vegas, it made me think that my father's generation's Las Vegas will now become a distant faded memory, like an old decaying photo in an album in your attic.

I see Party Poker ads on TV all the time now, especially during the NY Knicks games. They changed it slightly. They are now no longer pushing it as an online casino, instead saying that Party Poker is the largest online poker school. Hmmm. Interesting twist on the marketing.

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daddys-littlegoddess · 4 years

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PSA on Britney Spears and the #FreeBritney movement for anyone that needs or wants more information on what is going on with her. It’s a fucking rabbit hole, so buckle up.

A little backstory first. Britney was a child star starting at the age of 4 years old on Broadway, and then worked her way to the Mickey Mouse Club, and eventually the solo career we know today. Her career has been on autopilot her entire life. If you look back at her music, she’s been telling everyone for years she’s too controlled and treated as a product if you listen to the lyrics of most of her hits. Examples include: Lucky, Overprotected, My Perogative, Circus, Piece of Me and Gimme More. Her music videos, social media posts, tour props and photoshoots regularly show her in a cage or in chains. If anyone has ever seen videos of her when she was younger, you’d know her REAL singing voice is very similar to Christina Aguilera’s. Her record label didn’t like it, as they were both on the Mickey Mouse Club and about to release their debut albums at the same time. So they had her voice retrained to sing in the baby voice we all know today because they believed it to be more iconic and would create a brand and career for her instead of her real voice. It’s unhealthy, and it’s been destroying her voice over the years, thus why she is known for lip syncing. She wanted to make an acoustic type pop album in 2006 titled Original Doll and reinvent herself using her real voice. The album was shelved and cancelled once her label realized she would be singing in her real voice. She isn’t allowed to sing live because she will either fail terribly, or she’ll have to sing in her deep voice that she isn’t known for. Her entire career she has been treated like a product meant to sell.

Now, for the real tea.

Everyone remembers the 2007 meltdown. Everyone. Leading up the meltdown Britney was going thru a public divorce, had two children under the age of 2 at the time and was VERY much the focus of the public. We all saw her on every magazine cover. We all also saw the photo of her with one of her kids on her lap while driving. Go on YouTube once and look up ‘Britney Spears paparazzi’. You’ll watch her be chased and followed by hundreds of them, even trying to get into a public restroom to photograph her, videotaping her in tears asking them to leave her alone, and even filming her thru the windows of an ambulance while she was naked being taken away for her final mental health hold.

After the public meltdown, shaving her head, locking herself in her home with her children, speaking in a british accent on regular basis, wearing the imfamous pink wig everywhere, and shopping naked, she was hospitalized twice. After the hospitalization, her father petitioned the courts to be a TEMPORARY conservator to her until she was mentally stable and for only one years time. 2 months after her hospitalization she did a guest appearance on How I Met Your Mother. 6 months after her hospitalization, she drops the Womanizer video and starts to promote her new album Circus with its worldwide tour that grossed $131.8 million. If she’s so unwell, why did she start working right away?

Her father after one year petitioned the courts for the conservatorship to become permanent due to her ALLEGEDLY having EARLY ONSET DEMENTIA in her TWENTIES. It passed and has been that way ever since. For 12 years to be exact.

Now for everyone that doesn’t understand what that means let me break it down for you.

Britney Spears is a now 38 year old woman who is not allowed to do the following without her fathers permission or he can legally lock her up in a mental health facility:

• drive a car

• vote

• get married

• have children

• spend HER OWN MONEY

• see how her money is being spent

• see her children (she has 30% custody of both of her boys due to her dad assaulting one of her sons)

• leave her home

• hire her own lawyer

• have any control over her career

• speak about the conservatorship publicly

• do interviews that aren’t scripted and all final cuts are approved by her father as well

• use a cell phone without being monitored

• use social media unmonitored

• contact ANYONE without being monitored or having them extremely vetted. (Iggy Azalea allegedly had her house searched for drugs top to bottom when they collaborated on a song together)

• go shopping

• go for a walk

• get Starbucks

A conservatorship is meant for people with mental health issues or decaying health. Most likely grandparents or people with actual dementia etc. They are meant for people who literally cannot take care of themselves. If she is so unwell that she isn’t mentally capable of doing anything for herself, why is she still working? Since the conservatorship began 12 years ago she has:

• released 4 albums

• done 3 worldwide tours

• did a FOUR-year Vegas residency

• was a full time judge on X-Factor

• released multiple perfumes and a lingerie line

• made $138 MILLION DOLLARS or so A YEAR

In January of last year, Britney was placed in a mental health facility for 3 months after being seen driving her car to In-N-Out with her boyfriend without permission and for refusing to take the sedating medications her father has doctors prescribing her to keep her under control. She testified to a judge in documents that she was held there against her will by her father. After it was leaked to the press that she was there against her will, the Free Britney movement picked up speed causing a judge to open an investigation into the impact and legality her conservatorship has on her life. Britney’s mother Lynn was also liking and commenting on Free Britney posts saying she agrees that Britney is trapped by her father. Britney’s team had Twitter disable the Free Britney hashtag, and regularly threatens any celebrity that speaks out using the hashtag with a lawsuit if they don’t remove their support for the movement. She was seen shortly after leaving a hotel thru the front door (99% of celebrities park underground to avoid paparazzi unless they WANT to be photographed) stumbling while carrying her shoes, and out of it. Her team used that moment to justify to the public that she needs this conservatorship. She is not allowed to have any say in the hiring or firing of anyone on her team. Every year she pays $1.1 million dollars in fees for the conservatorship to continue, including paying her father a solid $100k+ salary and paying a lawyer she isn’t allowed to choose. She is allowed an allowance of around $1,500 a week for bills, shopping and essentials. Her net worth is $250 million.

So, when everyone sees her on Instagram walking up and down her hallways like it’s a fashion show. That’s all she is allowed to do. She has NEVER had control over her life. I don’t care if you personally like her or her music, NO ONE DESERVES THIS. All this woman wants is to see her children, make the music she wants to make, and go get a frappuccino in her car. She is a light of sunshine in this world, and we must protect her at all costs. So please, do not make fun of her, support the Free Britney movement, and send good vibes her way. She has a court date this month to review the conservatorship and decide if it is abusive or will continue to be in place. There are so many details to this that i left out that would make this post entirely much longer than it is, but a simple search will show you what else is out there. Spread this far and wide. ❤️ Free Britney

#free britney

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unpopularwiththepopulace · 3 years

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Don’t I Get a Dream for Myself ? – Bernadette Peters and the 'Gypsy' Saga

Gypsy. It’s perhaps the most daunting of all of the projects related to Bernadette Peters to try to grapple with and discuss. It’s also perhaps the most significant.

For someone notoriously guarded of her privacy and personal life, careful with her words, and selective of the questions she answers, the narrative around this show provides some of the most meaningful insights it is possible to derive in relation to Bernadette herself. The show’s ability to do this is unique, through the way it eerily parallels her own life and spans a large range in time from both Bernadette Peters the Broadway Legend, right back to where it all began with Bernadette Lazzara, the young Italian girl put into showbusiness by her mother.

The most logical place to start is at the very beginning – it is a very good place to start, after all.

(Though no one tell Gypsy this, if the fierce two-way battle with The Sound of Music at the 1960 Tony Awards is anything to be remembered. Anyway, I digress…)

Gypsy: A Musical Fable with music by Jule Styne, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, and book by Arthur Laurents, burst into the world and onto the New York stage in May of 1959. After closing on Broadway in March 1961, Ethel Merman as the world’s original Mama Rose herself led the first national tour off almost immediately around the country. Just a few months later, a second national touring company was formed, starring Mitzi Green and then Mary McCarty as Rose, to cover more cities than the original. It is here that Bernadette comes in.

A 13-year-old Bernadette Peters found herself part of this show in her “first professional” on-the-road production, travelling across the country with her older sister, “Donna (who was also in the show), and their mother (who wasn’t)”.

The tour played through cities like Philadelphia, Chicago, New Haven, Baltimore and Las Vegas before closing in Ohio in 1962. Somewhat uncannily, its September 1961 opening night in Detroit’s Schubert Theatre even returns matters full circle to the 2003 revival and New York’s own Schubert Theatre.

Indeed this bus-and-truck tour was somewhat of a turning point for Bernadette. She’d later remember, “I mostly thought of performing as a hobby until I went on the road with Gypsy”.

But while this production seminally marked a notable moment for the young actress as well as the point where her long and consequential involvement with Gypsy begins, it’s important to recognise she was very much not yet the star of the show and then only a small part of a larger whole.

Bernadette was with the troupe as a member of the ensemble. She took on different positions in the company through the period of nearly a year that the show ran for, including billing as ‘Thelma’ (one of the Hollywood Blondes), ‘Hawaiian Girl’, and additional understudy credits for Agnes and Dainty June.

The above photo shows Bernadette (left) with another member of the ensemble (Sharon McCartin) backstage at the Chicago Opera House as one of the stops along the tour. Her comment on the stage of the Chicago theatre – “I’d never seen anything so big in my life!” – undeniably conveys how her experiences were new and appreciably daunting.

Along the tour, she assumed centre-stage once or twice as the understudy for Dainty June, but playing the young star was not her main role. Unlike what more dominant memory of the story seems to purport.

Main credits of June went instead to Susie Martin – a name and a tale of truth-bending that’s now well-known from Bernadette’s concert anecdotes. While performing her solo shows as an adult and singing from Gypsy, Bernadette has often been known to take a moment to penitently atone for historical indiscretions of identity theft or erasure where her mother long ago conveniently left out the “understudy” descriptive when putting down Dainty June on her resumé, in an effort to add weight to the teenager’s list of credits.

Whatever happened to Susie Martin? – many have wondered. Well, she soon left the theatre. But not before appearing in two more regional productions of Gypsy and a 1963 Off-Broadway revival of Best Foot Forward with Liza Minnelli and Christopher Walken.

Bernadette too went on to other regional productions of Gypsy. She spent the summer of 1962 in various summer stock stagings with The Kenley Players, like in Pennsylvania and Ohio, and this time she did indeed get to play June.

Above shows photos from different programmes for these productions. While some may have featured odd forms of photo editing, they at least also bring to attention Rose here being played by none other than Betty Hutton.

The two women couldn’t have been in more different positions when they coalesced in these rough-around-the-edges, small-scale productions. A young Bernadette was broaching summer stock in starting to take on bigger roles in the ascendency to her bright and long career. Meanwhile, Betty found herself there while navigating the descent that followed her sharp but fickle rise to Hollywood fame in the ‘40s and early ‘50s. Top billing Monday, Tuesday you really are touring in stock after all.

While details aren’t plentiful for these productions, it was recounted Betty apparently struggled in performing the role. And understandably so. Following the recent traumatic death of her mother in a house fire, and the birth of her third child shortly before the shows began, it’s not hard to see why her mind might have been elsewhere. Still, she was apparently impressed enough by the younger actress who turned in one of the show’s “creditable performances” to make comment that she would’ve liked Bernadette to play her if a movie were made about her life.

Bernadette might not have done this exactly, but she did go on to revitalise Betty’s best-known movie role, when stepping into Annie Oakley’s shoes in the 1999 Annie Get Your Gun revival. With Bernadette’s first Ethel Merman show under her belt, the ball was soon rolling on her second.

The 2003 production of Gypsy was imminently beckoning as her next successive Broadway musical and it was Arthur Laurents who lit the match to spark Bernadette’s involvement. Laurents, as the show’s original librettist, drove the revival by saying he “didn’t want to see the same Rose” he’d seen before. Going back to June Havoc’s description of her mother as “small” and a “mankiller”, and Arthur’s take that Bernadette sung the part “with more nuance for the lyrics and the character than the others”, the choice of Bernadette was justified. Moreover, “Laurents – whose idea it was to hire her – [said] going against type is exactly the point,” and Sam Mendes, as director, qualified “the tradition of battle axes in that role has been explored”.

So Bernadette also had her own baseline of innate physical similarity to the original Rose Hovick, in addition to her own first-hand memories of the women she’d acted alongside as Rose in her youth to bring into her characterisation of the infamous stage mother.

But there was a third factor beyond those as well to be considered in the personal material she had access to draw from for her characterisation. Namely, her own real life stage mother.

Marguerite Lazzara did share traits with the character of Rose. She too helped herself to silverware from restaurants, and put her daughters in showbusiness for the vicarious thrill. Marguerite had “always wanted to become an actress herself”, but had long been denied her desire by her own mother, who likened actresses to being as “close to a whore as you could be without, you know, getting on your back”.

In that case, to “escape a housewife’s dreary fate in Ozone Park”, Marguerite channelled her latent dream through her pair of young daughters instead, shepherding them out along the road. Thus was produced a trio of the two children ushered around the theatre circuit by the driven mother, forming an undeniable parallelism and a mirror image of both Bernadette’s reality and Gypsy’s core itself. Bernadette didn’t see some of these familial parallels at the time when she was a child, considering “maybe I didn’t want to see” – “didn’t want to see a mother doing that to her daughter”.

It was coming back to the show as an adult that helped Bernadette resolve who her mother was and some of the motivations that had propelled her when Bernadette was still a child. She realised, “I think she thought she was going to die very young”, as her own father died young. So “she was rushing around to get as much of her life as she could in there”.

When she herself returned to the production in playing Rose, Bernadette conceded to sometimes bringing elements of her mother and her driven energy into her portrayal, and admitted too she looked “like her a lot in the role”. You can assess any familial resemblances for yourself, from the images below that show a young Marguerite next to Bernadette in costume as Rose, and then with the pair backstage in 1961 in a dressing room on the tour.

Marguerite was ambitious. From her own personal position and with the restrictions imposed upon her, it was ambition that materialised through her children. Irrevocably, she altered them. She placed Bernadette on TV as a very young child (“I was four when my mother put me in the business”); changed her daughter’s surname (“She told me my real name was too long for the marquees,” or really – “too Italian”); doctored her resumé (“Somehow the word ‘understudy’ vanished. ‘No one will know,’ said Marguerite”); and lightened her hair (“She’d say, ‘Oh, I’m just putting a little conditioner on it.’ But slowly my hair got blonder and blonder!”). All in the hope of giving her child a more favourable chance at the life she’d always wanted for herself.

On paper, a classic stage mother. “When I was a kid, she fulfilled herself through me,” Bernadette would say. “She put me into show business so she could get a taste of the life herself.”

But it’s important to consider Bernadette often qualifies that her mother wasn’t as brutal as Rose, nor was she herself as traumatised as June.

Bernadette didn’t begrudge her mother for her choices – at least by the time she was an adult, she’d rationalised them, explaining “naturally it was more exciting [for her] to go on the road with me than staying home and keeping house”.

As a child, Bernadette hadn’t necessarily wanted to be on stage, but there was a sense of ambivalence – not resentful belligerence – as she “didn’t care one way or the other” when she found herself there.

Like June, Bernadette may have been entered into and coaxed around a path she hadn’t voluntarily chosen. But unlike June, Bernadette had a deal with her mother that “she had only to say the word”, and she could leave.

Most crucially, she never did.

But that’s not to say Bernadette was enamoured with acting from the beginning.

She seemed to feel ‘outside’ of that world and those in it. And others saw it too.

It was in 1961 in Gypsy that Bernadette first met Marvin Laird – her long-time accompanist, conductor and arranger. The way he put it, he “noticed this one young girl, very close with her mother” who, during breaks, “didn’t mix much with the other girls”.

Beneath the effervescent stage persona, there’s a quieter and more reserved reality, and a sense of separation and solitary division.

When asked by Jesse Green in 2003 for the extensive profile in The New York Times if she thought her experiences on the road in Gypsy were good for her at that age, she gives a curious, somewhat abstract, predominantly dark, potentially macabre, response. He wrote:

She doesn’t answer at first but seems to scan an image bank just behind her eyes for something to lock onto. Eventually she comes out with a seeming non sequitur. “I didn’t know how to swim. I remember, in Las Vegas, I fell in, once, and they thought I was flailing, but I felt like: ‘It’s pretty down here!’ I might have been dying and I was thinking: ‘Look at the pretty color!’ And suddenly my fear of water was gone, and I could have stayed in forever.” After a while, I realize she’s answered my question. Then she dismisses the image: “But I had to get my hair dry for the show that day, so up I came.”

I’m still not entirely sure I know what she’s trying to convey here. My interpretation of this anecdote changes as I have re-visited and re-examined it on multiple occasions at different time points. It’s arguably multiply polysemic.

Was she simply swept up in a moment of childlike distraction, lost in the temporary respite alone away from the usual noise and clamour? Was she indicating comprehension that her feelings and perspectives came secondary to any practical necessities and inevitable responsibilities? Was she using the water to depict a muffling and fishbowl-like detachment from others her age who got to live more ‘ordinary’ lives in the ‘normal’ world above that she felt separate from? Was she referencing the pretty colours she saw as a metaphor for show business and how she became bewitched by them even despite potential dangers? Was she trying to legitimately drown herself, or at least exhibiting an ambivalence again as to whether she lived or died, because of what the highly pressurised demands on her felt like?

The underlying sentiment through her response in answer to Green’s primary question was that, in essence – no. Being a child actor was not “over all, a good experience for a youngster”.

Acting might have been something she fell in love with over time, but not all at once, not right from the beginning, and not without noting its perils.

It was a matter of accidental circumstance that landed Bernadette in the show business world to begin with at such a young age in the first place – “I just found myself here,” she would offer.

Her mother, who was “always crazy about the stage”, “insisted” that her sister, Donna take lessons in singing, dancing and acting.

A further point of interest to note is that, although it was Bernadette with her new surname who would grow up to be the famous actress, look to the cast lists from the 1961 touring production of Gypsy that featured both sisters in the company (see photo below) and you’ll find no ‘Lazzara’ in sight. Donna too, appearing under the novel moniker of “Donna Forbes”, had also already become stagified (nay, ethnically neutralised?) by her mother. As such it is clearly demonstrated that Marguerite’s intention at that point was to make stars of both her daughters. Correspondingly so, when her sister returned from her performance lessons some years before, “Donna would come home and teach me what she had learned,” Bernadette remembered. She may have gotten her “training second hand”, but the key element was that she got it.

For Bernadette, it was a short jump from emulating magpied tricks from her sister as well as routines from Golden Age Busby Berkeley musicals on the ‘Million Dollar Movie’ in front of the TV screen, to her mother getting her on the other side of the screen and actually performing on TV itself – belting out Sophie Tucker impressions aged five for all the nation to see.

The photos below show Bernadette in performative situations at a young age (look for criss-crossed laces in the second for identification).

“At first, as a toddler, Bernadette enjoyed performing; it came naturally, a form of play that people inexplicably liked to watch.” It was “just a hobby” and she “wanted to do it”.

But while she may not have detested it, she didn’t entirely comprehend what was going on either. “I didn’t even know I was on TV,” she said. “I didn’t know that those big gadgets pointed at me were cameras and that they had anything to do with what people saw on the television set.”

When she started gaining more of an awareness of how “such play [was being] co-opted for commercial purposes”, she grew less enthralled. “She didn’t care for the bizarre children, accompanied by desperate mothers, she began to see at auditions: ‘They spent their whole time smiling for no reason, you know?’”

Being a child who had become sentient of being a child performer began to grow wearisome and grating to the young girl who had her equity card, a professional (and strange, new) stage name, and an increasingly long list of expectations by the time she was nine. There’s a keen sense she did not enjoy being in such a position: “I wouldn’t want to be a child again. When you’re a child, you have thoughts, but nobody listens to you. Nobody has any respect for you”.

Gypsy did indeed mark a turning point for Bernadette as mentioned above – but not just in the way that seems obvious. Looking back at it now, it does appear the monumental turning point at which she started appearing in significant and reputable productions, beginning what would be the foundation to her ‘professional’ career. However it was also the turning point after which she nearly quit the business altogether.

When she returned from performing in Gypsy, Bernadette felt like she’d had enough. One way of putting it was that she “then retired from the business to attend high school”, wanting to have some semblance of a normal scholastic experience “without the interruptions”. But whatever dissatisfaction she was feeling as an early adolescent on stage, she didn’t resolve at school – going as far as saying that while at Quintano’s School for Young Professionals, “she was in pain”.

“When you’re a teenager you’re too aware of yourself,” she recalled. Being a teen and trying to come to terms with of the expectation of the ‘60s that “you are supposed to look like Twiggy, and you don’t, you feel everything is wrong about you”. Everything “was all about tall, skinny, no chest…[and] hair straight”. Little Bernadette with her “mass of [curly] hair and distracting bosom”, as Alex Witchel put it, was never going to fit that mould. “That was not me,” she stated. “At all.”

Her self-consciousness grew to the point that it became overwhelming and asphyxiating. “I was trying desperately to blend in and be normal, but that doesn’t allow creativity to come out,” Bernadette said. “I knew I was acting terrible. The words were sticking in my mouth and all I could think about was how I looked”. It was hard enough just to look at herself (“I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror”), let alone to have other people gawk at her on stage. So she stopped trying. She “didn’t work much from age 13 to 17” in the slightest. Bernadette would later reflect in 1981 in an atypically open and vulnerable interview, “I was very insecure. Insecurity is poison. It’s like wearing chains”.

It was a combination of factors that helped her overcome these feelings of such toxic and weighty burden to draw her back into the public world of performing and the stage. “The two people who helped her most, she says, were David LeGrant, her first acting teacher, and her vocal coach, Jim Gregory.” Jim helped with “[opening] a whole creative world for [her] with singing”; and it was David who’d give her the now infamous and often (mis)quoted line about individuality and being yourself.

Having these kinds of lessons, she reasoned, was “really a wonderful emotional outlet for a kid of 17”. The process of it all was beneficial for her therapeutically – “you have a lot of emotions at that time in your life, and it was great to go to an acting class and use them up”. And Bernadette felt freer on stage than she did out on her own in the ‘real world’, saying “[up there] I don’t have to worry about what I’m doing or saying because I’m doing and saying what I’m supposed to be doing and saying”.

Finally then and with considerable bolstering and support, she grew comfortable with the notion of being visible on stage and in public, and realised she was never going to blend in as part of the chorus so it was simply better to let go of such a futile pursuit.

David LeGrant’s guiding advice to Bernadette (“You’ve got to be original, because if you’re like everyone else, what do they need you for?”) wasn’t just a trite aphorism. For her, it was a life raft. It was the key mental framing device that allowed her to comprehend for the first time that she might actually have intrinsic value as herself. And that it was imperative she let herself use it.

She had always stuck out, yes, but she had to learn how to want to be seen – talking of it as a conscious “choice” she had to make when realising she did “have something to offer”.

Thus soon after Bernadette graduated, she stepped back into productions like in summer stock and then Off-Broadway as she made her debut at that next theatrical level at 18. It wasn’t long before she was discovered in what’s seen as her big break in the unexpected smash hit, Dames at Sea. And so Bernadette Peters, the actress, was back. And she was back with impact and force.

Besides, as she’s also said, she couldn’t do anything else – “if I ever had to do something else to earn a living, I’d be at a total loss”. An aptitude test as a teenager told her so apparently, when she “got minus zero in everything except Theater Arts”. So that was that. Her answer for what she would’ve done if she’d never found acting is both paradoxically exultant and macabre – “I don’t know, probably shot myself!”

Flippant? Maybe. Trivial? No.

Acting is thus undoubtedly related highly to Bernadette’s sense of purpose and self-worth. This is what makes it even more apparent that a show with such personal and historical connections for her, as in Gypsy, was going to be so consequential and impactful to be a part of again as an adult and perform on a public stage.

She’s called inhabiting the role of Rose in the 2003 revival many things: “deeply personal”, “life changing”, “like going through therapy” – to name a few.

In interviews regarding Gypsy and playing the main character, when asked what she had learnt, Bernadette would frequently say something like, “It taught me a lot”. Pressed further about specifics, her answers often hem close to vague platitudes as she maintains her normal tendency of endeavouring to keep her privacy close to her chest.

On one occasion, she actually elaborated somewhat on what she’d learnt, giving a fuller answer than the question is normally afforded anyhow. Beyond all it revealed to her about her mother, she extended to admitting “my capacity for love and my capacity for anger” as aspects in her that the show had permanently altered. Moreover, Rose to her was undoubtedly the “most rewarding and fulfilling acting experience” she had ever had.

But while such deep, personal and emotional depths and memories were being stirred up beneath the surface in private, she was getting vilified in public singularly and repeatedly by New York Post columnist, Michael Riedel.

Even before she’d set foot on stage, Riedel set forth in motion early in the 2003 season a campaign of vocal and opinionated defamation against Bernadette as Rose that she was miscast, insufficiently talented, and would be incapable of executing the role.

Too small, too delicate, too weak, too many curves (and too much knowledge of how to use them). Not bold enough, not loud enough – not Merman enough. Chatter and speculative dissent begun to grow in and around the Broadway theatres.

For such a prestigious and historic musical theatre role, it was always going to be hard to erase the large shadow of an original Merman mould. Ethel was woven into the very fabric of the show, with the rights to Gypsy Rose Lee’s memoirs being obtained at her behest in the first place, and the idiosyncrasies of her voice having been written into the songs themselves by their very authors.

To step out from such a domineering legacy would be a marked challenge at the best of times. Let alone when battling a respiratory infection.

Matters of public perception were certainly not helped when Bernadette then got ill as the show started its preview period and she started missing early performances.

Nor did it help with critical perception that the Tony voting period coincided so synchronously with Gypsy’s first opening months – giving Bernadette no time to recover, find her feet, and settle more healthily into the show for the rest of the run before the all important decisions were made by that omnipotent committee.

The tale of her illness is actually undercut by a more innocent and unsuspecting origin than you’d expect from all the drama and trouble it engendered. Bernadette decided nearing the show’s opening to treat herself to a manicure. In the salon, she was next to a woman very close to her with a frightful sounding cough. Who could’ve known then that this anonymous and inconspicuous lady through a fateful cause-and-event chain would go on to play such a part in what is among the biggest and most enduring Tony Awards “She was robbed!” discourses? Or even more broadly – in also arguably playing a hand in the closure and financial failure of an $8.5 million Broadway show after its disappointing performance at the Tony Awards that ominously “[spelled] trouble at the box office” and led to its premature demise?

Bernadette did not win the Best Actress in a Musical Tony that night on June 6th 2004. The award went instead (not un-controversially) to newcomer Marissa Jaret Winokur for Hairspray.

She did however give one of the most indelibly resonant and frequently re-referenced solo performances at the awards show just before she lost – defying detractors to comprehend how she could be unworthy of the accolade with a rendition of ‘Rose’s Turn’ that has apocryphally earned one of the longest standing ovations seen after such a performance even to date.

Even further and even more apocryphally, she reportedly did so while still under the weather as legend as circulated by musical theatre fans goes – performing “against doctor’s orders” with stories that have her being “afflicted with anything from a 103-degree fever, to pneumonia, to a collapsed lung”.

Seeing then as unfortunately there is no Tony Award speech to draw on here, matter shall be retrieved fittingly from that which she gave just a few years earlier in 1999 for her first win and previous Ethel Merman role in Annie Get Your Gun to wrap all of this together.

As has been illustrated, there are many arguably scary or alarming aspects in Bernadette’s Gypsy narrative. There’s undeniably much darkness and an ardent clamouring for meaning and self-realisation along the road that tracks her journey parallel to the show. But unlike Rose’s hopeless decries of “Why did I do it?” and “What did it get me?”, there was a point for Bernadette.

As her emotional tribute in 1999 went: “I want to thank my mother, who 48 years ago put me in showbusiness. And I want to finally, officially, say to her – thank you. For giving me this wonderful experience and this journey.”

Whatever all of this was, maybe it was worth it after all.

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wtf-yoongi · 4 years

Text

masterlist.

updated on july 2nd.

hello and welcome to my masterlist! most of my works are either one shots or drabbles – so short you can read many in one sitting :) please let me know if you like them bc i need reassurance all the time *sighs* happy reading!

latest one-shot/drabble ↠ Spoiled. // jungkook // f

latest timestamp ↠ [08:47 pm] // yoongi

key ↠ ★ reader’s favorite // fluff // angst // mature (but nothing crazy)

『 one-shots&drabbles 』

“I need one of those baths” // f , ★

you give a bath to yoongi after a long day at work

“Let me play you what I have.” // f

yoongi asks for your help with a song

“You sleep like that when you’re alone.” // f , ★

yoongi being cute before going to bed

“You taste like coffee.” // f , ★

you wake up in the middle of the night just to find the other side of the bed empty

“I promise you we’re going to be okay.” // a

the only thing running through your mind is we’ll never be broken beyond repair

Pouty baby. // f

you’re leaving early in the morning, but can’t resist saying goodbye in person

“Stay tonight.” // f

a few months after your break up, yoongi stumbles upon you while you’re drunk

Number one. // f

yoongi may hesitate to talk about his goals with other people, but not with you

Just for you. // f

yoongi begs you to stay longer in bed

Close your eyes. I’m your paradise. // f , m

a whole thing about yoongi kissing you and you kissing him

Warm inside. // f

yet another one that features yoongi being cute in bed

Bath card. // f

yoongi gets worried because you’re sick

Softie. // f

min yoongi is particularly soft this morning

『 timestamps 』

[06:57 pm] “what? this is just a loose, beaten up shirt.”

[00:23 am] “oh, i’m sorry. did i wake you?”

[10:03 pm] “fate was being anything but harsh on me when you came into my life.”

[08:24 pm] “i’m trying to be more classy. we are not teenagers anymore.” (m)

[08:23 am] “why do you have to look at me like that?”

[02:57 pm] “you keep that photo of us in your wallet?”

[03:01 am] “i think i’m in love with you and i don’t know what to do.”

[06:32 pm] “you don’t know half of the things you do to me.”

[05:03 am] “call me everyday, i just need to know you’re okay.”

[01:26 am] “oh my god, you look so cute.”

[09:01 am] “i swear you’re so freaking pale.

[03:10 pm] “hold my hand.”

[08:47 pm] “you like it salty, is this enough for you?”

『 one-shots&drabbles 』

“I messed up.” // f , ★

jk isn’t feeling well and you call him while he’s on tour

“I think this is the cutest thing about you.” // f , ★

your hands get warm when you’re sleepy and he notices it

Stage lights. ‹‹part I›› ‹‹part II›› ‹‹part III›› // f

you visit jungkook on tour for the first time

Muse. // f

it’s early morning and jungkook just wants to take pictures of you

“Your thing is kind of special.” // f

jungkook misses performing

Curly. // f

you help jungkook fix his curly hair after a shower

Let me drive. // f , m

road trip + california + kinda shy/quiet jungkook

Spoiled. // f

jk is super tired and you take care of his skincare bc that’s important

『 timestamps 』

[04:26 pm] “is this the moment that we kiss?”

[00:07 am] “and there i was thinking i could do this without waking you up.”

[09:02 am] “don’t hesitate, just kiss me.” (m)

『 one-shots&drabbles 』

Isn’t it just the loveliest way to wake up? // f

you wake up and want pancakes

Best kept secret. // f

late night summer date

Morning person. // f , m , ★

jimin can’t go back to sleep and wants you in the morning

“Deal.” // f

jimin’s coming home from tour and you want to surprise him

Hold my hand. // a , f

jimin helps you when you breakdown in front of him

『 timestamps 』

[04:06 pm] “i miss seeing your face.”

[07:04 pm] “why do i feel like i’m home whenever you’re near me?”

[12:37 pm] “look at me. i love you.”

『 one-shots&drabbles 』

“Leave this book alone and help me sleep, please” // f

in which you caress hobi to sleep

How am I supposed to sleep after this? // f

las vegas with your sunshine friend hoseok (idiots to lovers)

Day off. // f , ★

your human charger needs some charging of his own

“I’ve never seen him like this.” // f , ★

hobi is so, so in love he doesn’t even know what he’s feeling

『 timestamps 』

[05:38 am] “don’t blame it on the alcohol, you tasted like you wanted me.”

[03:55 pm] “can i tell you something?”

『 one-shots&drabbles 』

Don’t let it fade. // a

sh*t happens and you’re trying to understand what you’re feeling

Restless night. // f

jin is worried and can’t sleep because of those d*mn dance moves

One minute. // f

almost two years have passed since you last saw jin when you stumble upon each other (sequel to Don’t let it fade.)

“You talk too much.” // f , ★

jin just talks too much sometimes and he’s worried he’s annoying you

“Good to know.” // f

seokjin’s features are intimidatingly perfect

Tiny squares. // f

this is how seokjin wants you to pick your next vacation destination: from a bunch of folded pieces of paper

『 timestamps 』

[04:57 pm] “can i come over tonight?”

[11:58 pm] “you want to play?”

[04:12 pm] “i’m glad i’ve found someone as annoying as i am.”

『 one-shots&drabbles 』

“I love it.” // f

you get a haircut you’ve been wanting for the longest time

Losing you. // a

things get complicated after you find out taehyung loves you in a different way

Flawless. // f

you’ve lost count of how many notes you’ve left in between his textbooks, but taehyung doesn’t seem to have noticed any of them

Plain sight. // f , a

taehyung just wants to be loved (and love is right under his nose)

『 timestamps 』

[05:23 pm] “don’t tell me you love me unless you mean it.”

[02:10 pm] “please come home, this doesn’t feel right.”

『 one-shots&drabbles 』

Kotler and Keller // f

you and namjoon are both master’s students

Right now. // a , f

he can’t help but feel like this is the last time he’ll be seeing you

『 timestamps 』

[04:39 pm] “i got a little carried away.” (m)

[09:09 pm] “just… no i want to be a dad talk today, okay?”

[02:09 pm] “i’ve fallen for you and it’s becoming difficult to get anything done.”

[11:42 am] “good morning… husband.”

#bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fluff #bts x you #bts x reader #bts x oc #bts imagines #bts scenarios #there u go hope you like it <3

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burkymakar · 3 years

Note

Can you please post screenshots from the new Athletic post from Peter 👉👈🥺🥺

i got you!!! i'm just gonna post the text and the pictures!

About half an hour after an intense playoff practice ended, Jared Bednar wandered back to the concrete circle surrounding the boards at Family Sports Ice Arena, where he greeted a smiling, blonde-haired 22-year-old. The 49-year-old Avalanche coach and his visitor shared a connection, both having played for the same junior hockey team as teenagers: the Humboldt Broncos in Humboldt, Saskatchewan.

Graysen Cameron, the guest at the Avalanche’s practice Tuesday, was a winger for the Broncos in 2018 when a semi-trailer hit the team bus, killing 16 people, including 10 of his teammates. Cameron suffered a broken back as well as a concussion and an eye injury. At the time, doctors thought he wouldn’t be able to play hockey again, and a photo from the hospital went viral of him and two teammates grasping hands.

“Bonding and healing,” read the caption, written by the father of Derek Patter, one of the other injured players.

“Just to see the strength of the people of that community and the families that were affected has been amazing,” said Bednar, who played for Humboldt from 1989 to 1991, on the three-year anniversary of the crash. “A bunch of amazing people there.”

In the aftermath of the crash, Cameron met Marty Richardson, the president and CEO of Dawg Nation, a Denver-based nonprofit dedicated to helping hockey players and their families in times of crisis, and the former Broncos player came to two of the organization’s events in Colorado. This week’s visit was less organized, as a cross-country road trip brought Cameron to town. He and his girlfriend, Madi Lynch, had been visiting his brother in South Carolina and were driving back to Alberta. He reached out to Richardson last week to see if he could stay with him while passing through Denver.

He’s gotten much more than a spare bed.

“I wasn’t going to just have him hang out here,” Richardson said. “I said ‘let’s make this a really neat trip.’”

Richardson took Cameron and Lynch to Game 1 against Vegas on Sunday, and they sat in a box with Avalanche great Milan Hejduk, an honorary board member for Dawg Nation. At one point, a few people slipped out of the box and returned with a jersey of Cameron’s favorite Avalanche player: 22-year-old defenseman Cale Makar, who Cameron watched play junior hockey while they grew up in Alberta.

Then, on Monday, Richardson texted Bednar to ask about attending the Avalanche’s skate Tuesday. The coach responded that practice would be closed to the public — but not to them.

So the three came to Family Sports Ice Arena just ahead of the 11 a.m. skate and, shortly after their arrival, met broadcaster Peter McNab, who played 14 years in the NHL and, like Hejduk, is a Dawg Nation honorary board member. They then picked out second-row seats and watched the Avalanche get to work.

“It’s a really cool experience, and I’m very grateful to watch these guys perform at their best and get ready for a big game tomorrow,” Cameron said as the players skated.

He of course enjoyed watching Makar, and he appreciated seeing Nathan MacKinnon’s speed up close. When practice started winding down, McNab walked back toward him and they talked about how fast the game looks at ice level.

As players started leaving the ice, Bednar put Richardson in touch with security, who led them down to the area next to the rink. That’s where Bednar came and met them.

“I really didn’t know what was going to happen,” Richardson said. “It was way better than (expected).”

Bednar, who is from near Humboldt and helped create the Humboldt Broncos Memorial Golf Tournament, talked to Cameron for around 15 minutes about his trip and the Avalanche’s second-round series, which they lead 1-0. The coach signed a photo for Cameron and is also giving him and Lynch tickets for Game 2 on Wednesday.

“You definitely see his character and the type of person he is,” Cameron said of Bednar, who he had met previously at the golf tournament. “He has a big heart and likes making people’s days.”

Added Richardson: “He’s clearly someone that thinks of others before himself, even when he’s in a really stressful time, which he is right now (with the playoffs).”

The special moments weren’t over. Richardson asked Bednar if he could have Makar sign Cameron’s jersey they’d bought two nights before as well as one for the son of a Dawg Nation’s sponsor. Bednar took both sweaters into the dressing room.

“He came out and handed me the jerseys back (unsigned),” Richardson said. “And he said ‘Cale wants to sign them out here. He wants to meet Graysen.’”

Graysen Cameron, Avalanche defenseman Cale Makar and Madi Lynch pose for a photo together. (Photo courtesy Marty Richardson)

Moments later, the star blueliner, who will likely be a Norris Trophy finalist this year, walked out of the dressing room area. He approached Cameron, shook his hand and posed a picture with him and Lynch. Then, as requested, he signed the white No. 8 on Cameron’s jersey. He stuck around for about five minutes, and then Bednar returned with forward Tyson Jost, the only other Avalanche player from Alberta.

“It was pretty low-key,” Cameron said. “Talked about the last game a bit, how they did and what they’re kind of expecting coming up. Just some hockey talk.”

Though he initially thought his own hockey career was over after the crash, Cameron recovered from his injuries. His first hockey game after the bus accident came in October 2019, at a Dawg Nation charity event in Colorado. He suited up alongside 10 current or former NHL players — including former Avs players Paul Stastny, now with the Jets, and Kyle Quincey, who retired in 2019 — and even scored a goal, bringing tears to his dad’s eyes.

Shortly after, he made his return to the Broncos, becoming the team’s first captain since the crash.

“Following in (the late) Logan Schatz’s footsteps there — my former captain — it was really emotional,” he said. “I just felt really honored and grateful to be a leader on that team.”

He played in 46 games that season, collecting 13 points, then suffered an ACL tear in his last game. But he rehabbed the injury and was able to play three games this past season with Northland College, a Division III school in Ashland, Wisc.

At season’s end, though, he decided to call it a career. His body had been through a lot.

“It just was starting to weigh on me mentally and physically,” he said. “ I’m happy and content with (the decision), but you always miss the game and miss being a part of practice.”

And that made watching the Avalanche skate Tuesday even more special.

“It’s really cool to see these guys do that,” he said.

Cameron is an Oilers fan thanks to his father — “he corrupted me at a young age,” he joked — so his childhood favorite team is out of the playoffs. But thanks to Bednar, Richardson, Makar and others around the organization, he didn’t hesitate when asked who he’s pulling for to win the Stanley Cup.

“Go Avs,” he said.

#colorado avalanche #long post #cale makar #jared bednar #Humboldt Broncos #injury cw #death cw #Graysen Cameron

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speechlessxx · 4 years

Text

Requite (Andy Barber x Reader)

Summary: A visitation to a prison invites new emotions.

Warnings: slight CHEATING (it’s a kiss and like feelings), slight SPOILERS, for Defending Jacob, language, implied AGE GAP, this was just a brainstorm I had, unrequited requited love kinda not really (if that makes sense), mentions of ABUSE

Word Count: 2.5k

Hope you enjoy!

READ PART 2 HERE

It wasn’t your place – and you knew that. So, why were you here – trembling in front of a glass barrier and fumbling with the cord of the telephone in your hands?

The man in front of you looked tired and rugged. The years he spent behind bars evident all over his face. But when you looked in this murderer’s eyes, you couldn’t help but see Andy’s. They were the same pristine blue shade. The only difference was that Andy’s were warm, inviting, and full of light whereas the man in front of you looked as if the light had been snuffed out of him – perhaps it was never there to begin with.

“You’re the wife?” He asked. He looked you up and down and cocked an eyebrow up. “You’re younger than I expected.”

“I’m not his wife,” you muttered.

“So, what are you, then?” The man gave you an amused look. He was taunting you, trying to make you snap. Your eyes narrowed at his words.

“That’s not your concern.”

“Then why are you here, honey?” You cringed at the pet name. You remembered your abusive father coo that very word at you to apologize for laying his hands on you. You remembered your husband do the same.

Why were you there?

Andy was your friend… of kinds. He was a neighbor in your picture-perfect suburban neighborhood. However, you were treated like an outcast among the other suburban ladies. You always attended parties and gatherings with, or without, your husband. And in the crowds, you always felt so alone.

You were young – still in your twenties – and married to a wealthy businessman that was old enough to be your father’s younger brother. You pretended you couldn’t hear the gossip – the whispers and snickers calling you a “gold-digger” or a “trophy wife”. You married because you needed financial stability to pay off your student loans. You couldn’t do it on your salary alone. Afraid no one else would love you or help you, you said yes to the first wealthy sleaze that got down on one knee.

You tried to make your marriage as picture-perfect as your neighborhood. To strangers, it was. You were good at framing. Your framework made it impossible for others to see the truth behind the photos.

You were a doting wife to a man who was always gone on “business trips” to Vegas with a barely legal bottle blonde on his arm. When you finally got the courage to call him out for his numerous affairs, he threw one of his foreign beer bottles at you. It smashed against the wall, beer staining the paint and scratching it up as small shards of the glass cut your skin. It followed with a “honey, I’m so sorry” which reminded you of your father’s abuse.

After then, the incidents gradually got worse. He’d hurl things your way when he grew aggravated with you. Then, he began to throw punches. He held you down by your wrists before when you threatened to walk out. You felt like your adolescent self again. Instead of your father beating you, your abuser became your husband.

It was Andy, your next-door neighbor, who first asked you about the finger-shaped bruises wrapped around your wrists. You played it off, calling yourself a klutz, but Andy saw right through it. When the bruises, marks, and cuts became a staple of your appearance, Andy knew something was wrong. You weren’t clumsy. You were being hurt.

He confronted you about it. He was relentless in trying to get an answer from you. One night he heard crashes and screams from your home. He rushed over although Laurie had told him to stay out of it and call the police instead. He reasoned that if you were in danger and something were to have happened to you, he’d feel responsible. He found you crying in your living room, picture frames smashed and your coffee table demolished, a dining room chair was lodged into it. You had a bruise forming on your temple, a bloody cut on your cheekbone, and you were cradling your arm to your chest. Your husband had driven off in his luxury car. Whatever doubt he had about the abuse vanished. The scene itself answered all his questions.

It was Andy who saved you from the dangerous home. It was Andy who helped you with your divorce.

After your divorce, your husband took off, leaving you the house and alimony checks. As your injuries slowly healed, you slowly built a relationship with the Barber family – primarily Andy. He’d often check in on you and invite you over, trying to make that big house of yours feel less lonely.

“I’m here for Andy,” you finally answered. You stared into the man’s eyes.

“Oh?” The man sneered. His teeth were yellow, maybe even rotting. He smirked at you. “You’re here about his boy.”

“Jacob’s a good a kid,” you nodded. You babysat and often drove the Barbers’ son to and from school when Andy asked. Aside from his standoffish and strange behavior (one time you swerved around a dead cat and Jacob seemed so fixated on the animal), he was a good kid.

“So, I’ve heard… But good kids don’t become murder suspects.”

“He’s innocent until proven guilty,” you frowned. “Why won’t you do it? Andy just wants you to swab your mouth. It’s easy. Hell, you don’t even have to do it, the guard will.” He crossed his arms and leaned forward to the glass. His stare was unwavering and cold – just like your father’s… just like your husband’s. “You want to punish Andy.”

“He won’t help me and he knows he can. He doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that I’m his father.”

“You haven’t given him a good reason to,” you snapped. “Andy’s a good man. A better man than most will ever be. And he’s a damn good father. He wouldn’t even have come down here if it weren’t for Jacob.”

“You talk like you’re in love with the man.” He smirked. He leaned back on his chair as he studied you. “You are, aren’t you?”

“That’s not your concern.”

He laughed. It boomed and made you flinch. You looked down at your hands. You weren’t trembling anymore. In fact, you were just frustrated. How can a kind, compassionate man like Andy be the spawn of this heartless killer?

“What kind of a good man turns his back on his own father,” the man asked.

“He turned his back on a murderer.”

“And you don’t think he won’t do the same to his son?”

“Jacob’s innocent until proven guilty,” you repeated. “What will it take to get you to do it?” He smirked at you and you felt a wave of disgust as you remembered the reason he was here in the first place. “Not like that, you sicko.”

“I’ll do it,” he nodded.

“What?” You stared at him in disbelief. He repeated the three words. You frowned at him. “Just a second ago – “

“It’s good Andy has someone on his side. Arguing for him. Defending him and his son.” He smiled, wickedly. “Too bad you aren’t the wife, huh? How is his wife? Laurie, is it?”

“I’m not as close to her as I am to Andy,” you admitted.

“I wonder why you two are so close that you’re willing to drive up here to talk to me.” The man gave you a knowing look.

“It’s not like that!”

“Okay, okay, calm down, honey,” he chuckled.

“You’re not fucking with me? You’re actually going to do it?”

“I will,” he nodded. “You got a spark in you, honey… It’s a shame you aren’t the wife. I’ll do it for my son.”

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Barber,” you muttered and popped the telephone back onto its stand. There was no reason to stick around and hear his taunts.

You did what you came there to do.

-=+=-

Andy was relieved and a bit confused. Joanna had informed him that his father agreed to the swab. After the brief conversation that the father and son had, his father had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with the trial – that he didn’t want to help Jacob. So, what made him change his mind?

He remembered talking to you about it. You were the first person he saw on his way back from seeing his father. He unloaded his frustrations on you, and you sat and listened to him. It reminded you of the times when you would confide in Andy about the abuse you endured from your father and your husband. It was the least you could do.

“Go inside. Tell your mom about the fish,” Andy told Jacob as the two began to unload the car. His son nodded and began to make his way to their front door. With a frown, Jacob looked over and saw his dad hastily walk towards your home. He shrugged before going inside.

Andy walked past the “For Sale” sign posted outside your lawn next to your mailbox. He frowned at the sign. When did you plan on leaving?

He knocked on your front door a few times and even rung the doorbell. He stood outside for a few long moments and just as he sighed and turned to leave, you opened the door.

“Sorry!” You apologized. Your hair was tied up and your forehead had a sheen of sweat.

“No worries… Mind if I come in?”

You widened the door and gestured for Andy to come inside. He gave you a small smile and a nod as he stepped through the door. The walls weren’t as decorated as he remembered. You must’ve taken down the picture frames. It made sense. Your husband was out of your life. Why keep the memories around? The hardwood floors were littered with boxes. Some were taped shut and had words scribbled on their sides – “kitchen”, “bedroom”, “donations”, etc.

“Sorry about the mess,” you muttered when you noticed that he was looking around the house.

“It’s not a problem, (Y/N), really,” Andy grinned.

“What can I do for you, Andy?”

“I think you’ve done enough.”

“What?” You frowned.

“You spoke to my father?” He asked. His tone was angry – or at least you registered it as so. Your eyes widened as you desperately looked around the room – staring at anything but Andy’s eyes. You crossed your arms as you tried to pull into yourself. It was a reaction you had when your husband raised his voice at you, an indicator that his patience was wearing thin and you were going to need an ice pack later. Andy’s brows furrowed in realization – you often held that posture whenever you spoke of your husband’s abuse. “I’m sorry… I’m not upset or anything, (Y/N). I just wanted to know why…”

You relaxed your arms as you found the courage to look at Andy. They did have the same eyes. “For you… and for Jacob,” you rushed. “I know it wasn’t my place, but you were so upset about it… I figured I could… I could give it a shot? Maybe talk some sense into him or convince him? I dunno… You helped me when I was in a tough spot, I thought I should at least try to return the favor.”

“You didn’t need to,” Andy shook his head. “But thank you.” You smiled at him and nodded. “No, really, thank you,” Andy sighed. To your surprise – and maybe even his – he wrapped his arms around you. You felt your cheeks flush as your ear was pressed against his chest. Andy’s chin rested at the top of your head.

You two stayed like that for a few minutes – it felt like eternity. You had forgotten what it felt like to be held, to be cared for, and appreciated. Perhaps Andy was the first man in your life that made you feel safe and you were grateful. Maybe that’s where your crush stemmed from. Andy was a kind man and an amazing father – things that were missing from your own life.

In turn, Andy had forgotten how it felt to hold someone. His and Laurie’s intimacy had been challenged for years now and their marriage took another hit with Jacob’s upcoming trial. He remembered how much he wanted to help you and get you out of your abusive marriage. It was a distraction from his own marriage that was slowly falling apart.

“You’re moving?” Andy asked after the long beats of silence.

“Yeah,” you said. “Nothing’s really keeping me in town anymore.”

Andy felt a pang in his chest. Nothing keeping you in town? Sure, your divorce was finalized – your husband had skipped town when his abuse came to light – but nothing was worth sticking around for?

“What about me?” Andy asked. It was wishful thinking, at best. Andy didn’t know why he asked the question. He had no justification for his next action either.

When you looked up at him with confusion, you had the intentions of asking him what he meant. But Andy leaned in and kissed you. His eyes were closed as his lips pressed against yours while yours were wide open with shock. But the kiss was sweet, gentle – you don’t remember being kissed like this. With your hands pressed against his chest, you meant to push him off and pull away, but your body refused – it loved the affection even if it was just an in-the-moment action on Andy’s behalf (he wasn’t sure if it was), but the kiss was nice.

Instead, your eyes fluttered closed and your hands went up to his cheeks. His beard was rough against your lips and hands, but you didn’t mind. You began to kiss him back, allowing yourself to get lost in the moment.

Then your brain and your conscience flared up. Just as sudden as the kiss began, it was abruptly cut short. Your mind made you pull away and with wide eyes, both you and Andy unwrapped yourselves from each other.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, taking a step back.

“No, no,” Andy shook his head. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have – “

“It was nothing, okay?”

Andy was taken back from your words. He wanted to argue – to tell you that it wasn’t nothing, that he felt something, and he was sure you felt it, too. But he stopped himself. He wasn’t thinking straight. The stress – whether it from his marriage or from the trial on the horizon, he didn’t know – was getting to him.

“Okay,” he finally agreed. “Nothing.”

“Okay,” you muttered. Arms crossing again. Your eyes darted around the room as you licked your lips. You could still taste him. “Well, um… you better get going.”

“Right,” Andy nodded. You walked him to the door and gave him a tight smile. “If you need any help with the moving or the packing, I’ll be happy to help. Repay the favor for the thing with my dad.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Andy,” you tried to smile. You closed the door after your farewells and a hand flew to cover your mouth. Tears brimming in your eyes.

You weren’t going to take him up on that offer. The guilt was already killing you. Although abuse was a major factor in your marriage’s demise, your husband cheating with much other women was the spark that started it all.

Now, here you were. You were the other woman.

READ PART 2 HERE

#andy barber imagine #andy barber #andy barber x reader #chris evans x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #chris evans #chris evans imagine #Requite #defending jacob #defending jacob imagine

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ghostadventuresstuff · 3 years

Text

Jay Wasley x Reader (Request)

Requested via Wattpad :)

Y/N

Do you ever meet someone for the first time and know for a fact that you'll be friends for life? or maybe even lovers? Making friends in high school is hard, especially when you join a month into the first term when everyone already has their cliques. You'd always been a quiet kid keeping to yourself, finding comfort in your art and photography, it was actually through photography that you met Jay Wasley. The two of you clicked over your love of film and quickly became inseparable. You could call us high school sweethearts, having the cliche high school romance but always remaining friends foremost.

In the final year of high school, you applied to the Royal College of Art in London after some persuading from Jay who intended on staying in America. When you got accepted reality dawned on you that once the year was up the two of you would be separated. Jay promised the two of you could make it work, and you believed him, but as it got closer to graduation you both decided on remaining friends while you sorted out your lives post high school.

You and Jay had been through a lot, helping each other in difficult times and coming out with a much stronger relationship and friendship, one built on complete trust in the other person. It was hard to walk away from him and promised each other that one day fate would intervene and bring you back together again, and you were only a phone call away.

When Jay got the job on Ghost Adventures you rang him up to congratulate him, and he did the same when you won a prestigious photography award. It was a punch in the gut to find out he was in a relationship but he was happy and you loved seeing him happy, while you focused on work wondering if his comment about fate would ever become a reality.

Over the next fifteen years, you guys fell in and out of touch, both of you achieving your goals. However, when a friend from college asked you to join her in opening a photography studio in her hometown Las Vegas you jumped at the opportunity. It would be a nice change of pace from London. Little did you know that this was fates way of intervening.

JAY

It had been a really rough year for me, Ashley and I had decided to divorce after something happened on Ghost Adventures but remain friends. It was in moments like these I needed my best friend y/n back, but I'd been the one to break the promise of keeping in touch. Both of us had achieved our dreams, I just always assumed we'd do it together.

'Jay, who's the girl?' Billy asks, leaning over my shoulder.

I'd found some old photos from high school of y/n and I very much in love with one another.

'Her name is y/n l/n, we were high school sweethearts. I made her apply to art college in London and she got accepted. We promised to stay in touch, but I broke that promise. She was my best friend Billy.'

Billy hums, 'I'll be back in a second Jay, I need to make a phone call.'

I don't think anything of it when Billy excuses himself to make a call, I was too busy scrolling through happy memories of a more innocent time. What I wouldn't give to see y/n again, I could check her social media but I was too much of a coward.

Billy returns a few minutes later holding his car keys, 'I know how to stop you moping, come with me.'

I follow Billy, not quite sure what he was planning but the smile never left his face as I got into his car and he started driving. We drive for a good thirty minutes before Billy parks up outside what looked like an abandoned shop.

'Wow Billy you take me to all the nice places,' I joke.

Billy rolls his eyes, 'how much does this y/n girl mean to you?'

'She means the whole world to me, why?' I reply.

Billy taps his fingers on the steering wheel, 'a friend of a friend is opening a photography studio right here and there is someone inside you should meet Jay.'

I get out of the car while Billy remains in the car giving me a thumbs up. Who was this friend of a friend? And who did I have to meet?

Opening the front door a small bell pings, 'I'll be with you in a second,' a somewhat familiar female voice calls out.

As the girl walks out of the backroom my whole body tenses up, even though years had passed y/n still looked the same, maybe even more beautiful while I had a few grey hairs, 'y/n' I whisper.

y/n gasps and puts the box down she was holding, 'Jay, is that really you? What are you doing here?'

'A friend brought me here, said there was someone I needed to meet, what about you?' I reply.

y/n closes the space between us and throws her arms around me, 'a friend from college asked if I wanted to help her set up a photography studio and I said yes. I never thought I'd see you again Jay.'

I hug her back and smile, 'I'm sorry for breaking the communication promise y/n. There isn't a day where I haven't thought about you. God, you're beautiful.'

y/n giggles, 'I've thought about you a lot Jay, I like the grey hairs, your job is ageing you. How's Ashley?'

I pull back and motion down at my empty wedding ring finger, 'we got divorced at the start of the year, something attacked her at work but we remain friends.'

y/n bites her lip, 'I'm so sorry Jay, from what I saw she made you happy and that made me happy. No one ever put a ring on my finger, men are intimidated by a hardworking woman.'

I shake my head, 'maybe things happen for a reason y/n. I said fate would bring us together one day and here we are. Would you like to get a coffee with me and catch up?'

y/n chuckles, 'I would like that very much Jay, still the sweetheart I remember.'

I was going to have to thank Billy big time for this, I might never have been reunited with y/n if he hadn't come over to get a hard drive for the show as I was too distracted to review evidence. There was no tension or awkwardness between y/n and me, kind of like no time had passed at all. I'd let her walk out of my life once, and there was no way in hell I was letting her walk out of it again.

#ghost adventures #ghost adventures imagines #ghost adventures imagine #ghost adventures fanfiction #ghost adventures fandom #ghost adventures preferences #jay wasley #jay wasley fanfiction #jay wasley imagines #jay wasley imagine #imagines blog #imagine blog #imagines #fanfiction blog #fandom blog #fanfiction #paranormal

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