#but she needs to go to bed before me

[anadorablekiwi]

I swear every time i tru to actually start getting ready for bed at s reasonable time my mom hasnt taken a freaking shower yet and i have to wait for her to take one before i can

#kiwi rambles #i use my mom’s shower cuz i like it better #but she needs to go to bed before me #and usually its not am issue #except when it is #thete have been many times ive gotten up to start getting ready for bed #only to discover my mom hadnt even started to get ready for a shower #so i have to freaking wait #because i often get distracted and can spent hours plus in the bathroom #usually doomscrolling before and sfter said shower #kiwi vents #not having a good time :/

[tamagoneko]

variety pack of boyfriend flavors ❤️💙

#dreamworks trolls #broppy #branch x poppy #branch trolls #poppy trolls #rock zombie branch #she love her bf <333 #my au.. i need a proper au name for him >:( #i personally think the cartoon picked weird colors for him but its whatever #trolls world tour #trolls the beat goes on #im going back to bed.. my head is killing me #fanart #my art #chibi #cute #tumblr artist #artist on tumblr #oh before i forgor i might put togeather the different bwanches in another post if idk yet

[spaciebabie]

this picture isnt real its all happening in twilights head and she's listening ta this as she's having her bi horse fantasies

un blurred below the cut as well as the lineart with flats cuz i want ta show it off sue me

edit: ignore that the images changed slightly i noticed a shading error i missed and it was bothering me 💀

#mlp #twishy #fluttertwi #mlp fim #my little pony #my little pony friendship is magic #fluttershy #twilight sparkle #spacie scribbles #twilight narration voice: ''i have to go...'' id say ''its getting late and i need to put spike to bed'' #fluttershy would yawn. a gentle cute noise befitting for such a cute pony before she would turn her head sleepily towards me #she would look at me with her big beautiful eyes and study me for a moment before saying in her sweet soft voice #''are you sure you dont want to stay the night? i would hate for something to happen for you on your walk back home...'' #oh fluttershy...always looking out for her friends. such a caring and gentle soul. my heart would swell at the thought although #id hesitate....and in response fluttershy would get closer and gently push her muzzle against mine... #''please twilight...stay the night...'' #my heart would be galloping out of my chest as the moon would gently glow through the window #the pale light highlighing all of fluttershy's delicate features #its as if luna herself planted the moon in this specific way...on this specific night... just for us.... #spike‚ interrupting the daydream: twilight are you...narrating a self insert you wrote abt you and one of your best friends??? #twilight: ....NO. BUT. DONT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS OKAY #spike: oookay! you got it. i wont tell a soul. #*he then tells everyone except fluttershy* #im crazy guys i swear #i just wrote fanfic abt twilight sparkle writing fanfic #she has a fanfic section of the library its all just her x fluttershy #good lord these horses.

[cozy-the-overlord]

Seeing people complain about the Speak Now vault tracks being too teenagery …. gee, you’d almost think a teenager wrote them /s

#i feel like it’s a lose lose situation #because if they’re ‘too mature’ like on the red vault people accuse her of writing them recently #but if they’re ‘too immature’ people complain about them being not as good #i for one really like the speak now vault #it may not be as deep as red but i think it’s still really eye-opening #like the kinds of things she was thinking about but felt she couldn’t share #idk maybe it’s because i was a Small Child when speak now came out #and it was really the first album i ever became obsessed with #and as a result i idolized taylor as this beacon of perfection and grown-up-ness #like obviously I’ve long since recognized that she was still a child in a lot of ways in that era #but hearing the vault tracks really made her feel like a Real Teenager to me in a way i never had before? #like the anxiety on electric touch #the insecurity on when emma falls in love #the hopefulness tinged with self-loathing/self-criticalness on foolish one #the wattpad-tinged fantasy of i can see you #idk i feel like teenage me would have related to all that a lot in a way that i never did with her other music #idk i’m rambling #i need to go to bed #taylor swift #speak now taylor’s version

[deoidesign]

.

#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without' #I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk. #can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work... #for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well! #it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to. #but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end... #I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too. #but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk. #anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better. #but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much. #and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so... #I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better. #and I'm just crying because of all this combined. #I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[dreameroftheblue]

I don't wanna wait till the sunshine fades And bury our love in a shallow grave 'Cause the world could be cruel to us or We could live for the dangerous so Let's start, let's start a riot Hard to sit still when your head's on fire Oh yeah 'Cause I'm a supernova And you're my four leaf clover

#this one just kind of spilled out of me very quickly - lines done in like. one session right before I should've been going to bed lmao #and then spent a few more finishing and fiddling with it including finding that middle version kinda neat #all those studies comin' in clutch! didn't need to use a particular screenshot of crowley's face as direct reference this time :D #good omens fanart #good omens #aziraphale x crowley #aziracrow #wings #angel wings #naga #lamia #artistic nudity #nsft #? #not really hornee because naga junk should be at the end near their tail #and right now it's all tucked away inside anyway haha #also I showed my mom this one and she seemed very very confused lol #haven't really gotten much other feedback so uhhh if it needs critiquing. go ahead I guess

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[kaurwreck]

love that my cats are so into my new duvet that they've both upended their usual sleep routines to spend most of their time curled on it.

don't love that the eldest is neglecting her anxiety by falling into rem outside of her designated rem nest under the bed, as she sometimes startles and launches herself into the atmosphere.

#i feel so bad ive accidentally woken her up twice #and she'll open her eyes and realize she isnt where she normally sleeps #and then just. go Up and Away. #also before anyone @s me about letting them sleep under my bed #it's in easy reach should i need to scoop her out in an emergency #and both of my cats come straight to me when the fire alarm goes off regardless of where they are

[martyrbat]

its so funny recognizing yourself in your parents and by funny i mean im going to be sick

#i hate my mother. i love my mother. i will always be her child. i will always be a stranger. i hate my mother. i love my mother. #like same woman who points a gun at me on the regular and mocked and laminated my suicide note when i was a kid to pass out at a family bbq #and the same reason i have such bad body image issues and chemical scars and burns. #but also. thats my mother. its the same woman who married a stranger because her two kids were homeless under a bridge after #my bio dad stole her car. its the same woman who held my hair back when i was sick as a child. who made cookies when i was depressed. #its the same woman who i had to talk down because she wanted to kill herself before she hit me and called me weak. #i miss my mother. i dont know if i ever had a mother. i love her. i need to move and never be around her. #its so difficult when you KNOW she has mental illness that runs in the family too. i know what impacts her behavior and how alike we are. #i know its not an excuse for the consistent abuse she still puts me through. i know this. i know i shouldn't feel guilty for my feelings. #i dont know what my feelings are. #i hate my mother to the point ive tried to kill myself to not be around her. i love her more than anyone else. #when your mother is a prophecy of all you might be as youre a reflection of all she could have been *family guy death pose.jpeg* #anyways. sorry for the rant heehee i am normal and going to bed before i craw out my skin and into some yellow wallpaper ^_^

[beannary]

Ok so I was at work today and before I left my mom was like hey we’ll visit you at work today what time do you finish etc etc and she was like ok I’ll text you when we’re on our way and so I go the whole day being like I am waiting for a text from my mother saying that she my dad and my grandma are on their way to the museum and then it gets to the end of my shift and I have received no text so I’m like ok they clearly aren’t coming otherwise they would have let me know so I clock out and leave and ten minutes after my shift ended my mom calls me and is like hey where are you and I’m like hello??? I finished work??? I’m walking back to the car??? And she’s like ok well we are here and I’m like 🧍‍♂️ ok so I walk back to the museum and I get there and she’s like hey now we can go see the galleries together and I’m like 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ girlie last call happened ten minutes ago we cannot go see the galleries because the museum is fully closing in 30 minutes and she’s like oh I didn’t know that and I’m like yeah you should have looked it up?? Or like asked me??? Or like come when I was working my shift because then you can like guarantee that everything is open

Anyways I’m just annoyed and it’s not even that much of an annoying thing I’m just extra annoyed because I’ve had an awful headache all day and I had to do twenty minutes of extra walking around with my parents and my grandma after work when I should have been driving home and listening to a podcast

#bean babbles #also like #my mom was like oh I thought the museum closed at six #like girlie my day either ends at 4:30 or 5:30 #you know this #and when im working till 5:30 I have told her before that means that im closing #if I close at 5:30 #why would the museum be open till six #AND #she visited the museum a few weeks ago!!! #i told her!!! the time the museum closes!!! so she would have enough time to go through the galleries and see me at the store before #I finished working #anyways im like mildly annoyed at this #and more annoyed because of my headache #but I’m in bed now and my dog has finished attacking me #he gets so excited to see me after work that he like deposits himself on me and licks my face for like #ten solid minutes before he’s like ok im don’t being excited #I need to make some tea and get an Advil I swear to god #OK BYE WE ARE DONE COMPLAINING #COMPLIANING IS OVER

[moonlightdancer26]

Me when “Always”:

Me when “It’s you who needs me tonight”:

#‘‘it’s you who needs me tonight’’ = my happiness flying away #i’m about to sob bro they didn’t deserve their ending 😭</33 #i need to know what went through jkr’s mind while writing in their deaths #like actually what made this hoebag think she can destroy our hearts like that?? #harry potter #remadora #remus lupin #also ‘‘always’’ still makes me cry dw guys i just sob a million times more with remadora #remadora solos what can i say #anyway #i need to read remadora before i go to bed #enjoy the rest of your night y’all #nymphadora tonks #hp

[leviiackrman]

Did I choose to start redecorating my room this evening? Yes. Have I only just finish for the night? Also yes. There will be more tomorrow tho…

#personal* #jess talks #started the day really keen to draw Chika in her anime form but in different ages #was going really well until my new years plan gripped me SO MUCH I had to do it today lmao #and if I decide I now don’t like it (cus it’s less cosy) then I have time before I go back to work to rejig it again! #anyway it’s cute #more practically for when I’m working #doggy will hate it tho cus she can’t lay on my bed and look out the window anymore #might have to invest in a crochet/reading chair that she can fit on #also feels weird cus I don’t have any wall art or pop figures out🤯 #this was all to make more space for my shelves anyway technically #so once I get another bookshelf I can dedicate it solely to pops!! #I think my depression is hitting again tho #cus I always do this before a break down #‘need a change’ is my tell lmao #anyway pray for me

[miodiodavinci]

good news: we have water again ! ! ! a pipe had burst somewhere up the street so the city came out and fixed it today (we still need to run the tap to get rid of the air and muddy water but. it's something.)

bad news: i had to go to my partner's to do laundry and shower so i missed out on work time today (bad) (anxiety inducing) (i don't need this right now)

worst news: i have a killer headache and my throat is suspiciously stiff 👁 👁

#please please please for the love of god ; ; ; #i am begging and pleading do Not let this be a repeat of last semester ; ; ; ; #this is exactly how i felt last time i got sick with covid and i Cannot afford another late start ; ; ; ; #i am. suddenly stuck by The Unwelcome Guest last week cryptically asking me when you're supposed to test for covid #and then saying 'hmm. okay. good to know.' and then refusing to elaborate #i swear. to god if she got me sick i'm #i. can't even say. i'm suddenly struck by such helpless grief thinking about how little i can do to keep her from being in my life ; ; ; ; #we literally Evicted her she all but threatened my older sibling into letting her visit weekly to take care of her potted plants #and then in october last year she was like 'my roommate has covid and i don't have money for a hotel i have nowhere to go :'(' #so the agreement was she could stay for One Week #and basically she has been. on and off our couch since then. #like. only going back to her apartment for 1 to 3 days at a time before spending another two weeks in our house. #with new excuses every time. #and literally Every Time I Say No And Put My Foot Down older sibling begs on her behalf because she's busy hounding and guilt-tripping them #so like. what can i even do if it turns out she infected me with covid because she didn't care to disclose that she was feeling sick #(and decided to come over anyway) #i'm just. overwhelmed ; ; ; #i feel like crying ; ; ; #i'm already busy pre-mourning the loss of my mental health and down time with my internship starting back next week #i don't need to worry about whether or not i'm going to be bed ridden for 2 weeks #and suffer Even More lasting lung and brain and blood and fatigue issues on top of that ; ; ; ; #a a a a a i just. feel like crying a lot ; ; ; ; #i'm already behind ; ; ; #i should ; ; ; try to work more tonight before the inevitability of it all hits me tomorrow ; ; ; ; ;

[thebeautifulfantastic]

how unfortunate that i have two hyperfixations, several side interests, and a load of homework all clamoring at the same time for priority in my brain

#it’s so frustrating rn because yeah i do have to get some online coursework done so I don’t fail this class #but i ALSO want to relax before to go to bed #so what do i do? #(after i finish another module) #i could start heartstopper season 2 or i could make progress on the book i started today or i could watch a mission impossible movie #or i could watch a greta gerwig movie or i could start that tv show starring rebecca ferguson #there’s no WRONG choice but i want to do it all #& at the same time therefore this feeling that i have to watch things at the ‘right’ time in order to achieve maximum enjoyment #so like. that’s setting me back too because i want to reach maximum enjoyment for all these things #my gut feeling is to just start watching silo since i’m already obsessed with rebecca anyway #and if i watch mission i’d have to start from the first movie which she’s not in (until the fifth movie) #and i’ve been consuming so much alice oseman content lately i feel like i need to take a small break before i watch heartstopper s2 #and my book… well i am in a rush to finish it because i have to get through all my library books before i move #but it could probably wait until tomorrow #idk maybe i’ll watch an episode of silo and then read a few chapters if i’m still awake enough #wow this is such a rambly post i’m so sorry #belle speaks

[yangjeongin]

update i have five hyunjin bday countdown sets theoretically done and have started on three others what if i Can actually do it

#carly.txt #three months.....hold on let me Crunch Some Numbers #i need to make one set every three days until the first day of the countdown (february 18th) to be finished by then #Can She Do It #i have a couple more hours before my bedtime so i could gif more but i kinda don't feel like it #so might write instead or smth #or just go to bed early.....i sleepy...