#anyway pray for me
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love seeing stuff about church things in the not too distant future and going 'oh i won't be here by then'
#just kidding i hate it#tw suicide#i wish i was joking#anyway pray for me#personal#the won't be here refers to either if i go through with it or if i dont i will probably be hospitalised#so if i abruptly disappear at any point dont worry#assume im in hospital or otherwise unable to be on tumblr and okay#i long ago wrote a post and tossed it in drafts to be posted in the event of suicide anyway so if so y'all will know - all it needs is post#anyway yes don't worry
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Did I choose to start redecorating my room this evening? Yes. Have I only just finish for the night? Also yes. There will be more tomorrow tho…
#personal*#jess talks#started the day really keen to draw Chika in her anime form but in different ages#was going really well until my new years plan gripped me SO MUCH I had to do it today lmao#and if I decide I now don’t like it (cus it’s less cosy) then I have time before I go back to work to rejig it again!#anyway it’s cute#more practically for when I’m working#doggy will hate it tho cus she can’t lay on my bed and look out the window anymore#might have to invest in a crochet/reading chair that she can fit on#also feels weird cus I don’t have any wall art or pop figures out🤯#this was all to make more space for my shelves anyway technically#so once I get another bookshelf I can dedicate it solely to pops!!#I think my depression is hitting again tho#cus I always do this before a break down#‘need a change’ is my tell lmao#anyway pray for me
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Goin' to the beach & scared out of my mind because the bus' gear wasn't working :3
#very VERY scared that it stops working on the road#what if this bitch crashes???? it's fucking giant but god knows what'll happen to a small car#anyway pray for me#(why is it so hard to shove sense into parents tho????)#(the bus#is CLEARLY unwell)#🥨🪶
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y’all I might cry I might have to miss my college’s lessons and carols service (and hearing my chorale friends sing! and singing with them on the last song!) for a work training thing and it’s seeming very likely and I just 😭
#I missed it last year too and immediately I was like. next year. hold on til next year#anyway pray for me#maybe especially pray that by some miracle those two things do not coincide…
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Before we start this story, it's important for you all to know that I have a very type A personality. I get this from my mother, who is a planner and perfectionist from way back. I love a good list.
Holidays at my house are carefully choreographed. There's a list of when everything goes into the oven, taking into account cooking times and which oven will fit which item and whether or not an item has meat in it to accommodate the family vegetarian. This brings a sense of calm and order to the holiday, and gives everyone a good idea of what you're supposed to be doing.
This year, my mother is visiting her family for Easter, which means that preparation of the Easter luncheon has fallen to my father and brother.
This also means there is NO LIST.
Friends, I am dying. We will probably eat at three. (I already made my contribution. The pie has been latticed and baked and was ready and warm for what I assumed would be a 12:30 lunch.)
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whining.
AND NOW comes the insecurity!
Should I have just sucked up the lease with legal contradictions and unfavourable terms? Should I have jumped faster on Saturday on the place we like? Should I have sucked up the lease renewal offer from the people who bought our place? Am I failing my family by making these choices?
I want to be confident so badly and I want to make the right and best choices for my family and
I
HATE
RENTING
WAH.
#anyway pray for me#please feel free to disregard this it's just insecurity about the decisions i've made#it's not too pressing -- i'm still comfortable enough with them -- but it's that annoying little vizier who says i'm not good enough#and if i had him killed i'd have civil war
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Alright team I wanna quit my job what other jobs exist that don’t suck and pay over $16?????
#legit almost walked out#or maybe I just say I can’t do Sundays?#but like if everyday is bad usually Sundays are chill but I have to do everything#which is fine when there isn’t a Super Bowl#but like I’m not a manager setting an entire day up shouldn’t be my job#anyway pray for me
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started playing dark souls and i'm getting my ass kicked by the tutorial boss :((((
#of course i expected this to happen#i am pretty bad at video games after all lmao#but!!! it's still really fun trying to learn all the boss' moves#anyway pray for me#it's dark souls 3 btw
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honestly being an architecture student is so wild like what am i doing in this lovely rainy wednesday? what's that? i'm designing an entire 5-acre park (50000m2)?
oh FUCK
#IM GOING SO INSANE#I DIDNT EVEN RENDER IT ;_; ALSO IM MISSING THE CROSS SECTIONS AND THE DUE DATE IS TOMORROW#anyway pray for me#rambles
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i can barely handle school but if i don’t get the job i just applied for im gonna blow something up
#joking#i am joking#ur honor i am being silly this is not legally binding#anyway pray for me#miles on his bullshit again#???!!!!!!!
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I hate traveling
Like going on a long car trip sure like I can’t legally drive what brain power do I need minus keeping the driver company
Train like sure kinda stressful but you know Easy weasy
But Fucking planes I would rather die like packing everything under a weight and then getting through security and the added pressure of bags and shit Jesus Christ
#anyway pray for me#I’ll be watching the d and d Movie on repeat and listening to a 5 hour podfic while reading whiskey whatever that world war something#destiel fic
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Remember kiddos, sin consequences include having to disclose the sin on any ministry application form ever in the existence of ever.
#Gonna like go bury myself now#It's so hard to be like#'yeah this struggle was a part of my past but it's no longer who I am'#and not get into 'I now feel shame for my past'#anyway pray for me
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CDR3 REUNION AT DRAGCON LA
CDR3 REUNION AT DRAGCON LA
CDR3 REUNION AT DRAGCON LA
#this feels so correct#dragcon la is fully going to be the best weekend of my tiny little life huh?#anyway pray for me#cdr3#canadas drag race#pathetiic max
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I need to get this medical communication presentation done tonight and memorize it for tomorrow but I have ZERO motivation to get working like ARGH
#Why am I being so useless now out of all times huh???#The teacher is absolutely going to kick my ass#Also too busy thinking of Eric and Salim being romantically involved bc that's some untapped potential there i tell ya#Anyway pray for me#captains log
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ok good news, i have finished the roughest of rough cuts for my spn season 2 recap and managed to cut out 2 hours of footage
the bad news, that means i am still left with 3 hours of footage lmao
this edit is KILLING ME
#i wanted it to be around an hour and a half like the last one#I GOTTA CUT IT DOWN HALF OF WHAT IT IS LOL#its because season 2 was SO GOOD THERE'S SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT UGH#AND I COULD HAVE INCLUDED MORE TBH#anyway pray for me#j
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the greatest test of my internet tact is "telling a Californian I think something they did is stupid" and I consistently fail this test
#anyway pray for me#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme#i would like to get paid and maybe keep this gig
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