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virtue-and-beneviolence · 11 months

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This made me think how much hanma and draken have this funny enemies thing going on so imagine ur pissed at shuji or just sick of him not making a move yet? Y’all act like a couple but this mfer never made it official? Like why is his hand always in the back pocket of ur jeans? Why does this mfer offer u the last bite of his donut? No tell me why tf does he hold ur hand in a crowded place?🤨And when u lowkey joke about oh are u in love with me? And he laughs saying “don’t be silly doll” doll? (I’ll end him I swear) so u flirt with draken and yknow how he hates his guts that’s why u do so to piss him off and I think pissed shuji very sexy tbh wow 🤲🏽👍🏽and the thought of losing u to another man? And that man is bald with a braid? Aw hell naH Shawty he confessing so fast🤭😳

No because making draken the sacrificial goat is killing me lmao. Dw we won't do draken dirty here I've got a work-around.

also massive apologies to you vivi i'm sorry you knew abt this for an inordinate amount of time

Official.

it takes idiots (reader and shuji) many months, jealousy and miscommunication, and some prettiness to finally make it official.

cw: fem!reader, reader loses her temper and shuji is super needy so its a lil more subby!shuji smut, cream pie, unprotected sex (don't recommend, be safe out there), ye idk im gonna go pretend this isn't posted now, peace ✌️ ~2.2k

God but hear me out it starts at a toman party. Shuji and you are acting the way you always do. You're literally in his lap lounging in the corner of the couch. He's playing with the hem of your skirt, flipping the end between his fingers and rubbing the skin of your thigh. You're talking to Yuzuha who's occupying the chaise lounge. You haven't seen her in a while, she's been abroad with hakkai on so many modelling gigs lately. And she totally misreads the situation. She's like, so how is it, finally being together?

At first it's silly, though you have a tinge of want at the end of your words when you joke back with, "Well we've actually been married for three years, we just never found the right time to tell you all."

Yuzuha clocks it as a joke, but not as a sore spot for you. Or maybe she's so shocked and that's why she won't let it go that easily. "Hanma what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Undiagnosed ADHD and probabl-"

You give your friend a we're-going-to-talk-about-this-later look as a baffled Yuzuha cuts him off. "Wha- Hanma god damn it I meant-no- you know what I meant."

He offers a half shrug, "What? M'young."

That's when you excuse yourself blankly to get another drink. The insinuation that Shuji was still playing the field left you a bit numb. He wasn't. You knew that he wasn't because you were with him 90% of his waking hours. Hell you'd platonically (as platonically as you and Shuji ever really were) slept in his bed last night and woke up next to him. The bastard slept with his arms around you and snored in your ear half the night and he has the balls to joke like that? His words stung like a betrayal of the highest degree.

In the kitchen you found Draken looking for a pong partner. Perfect, you decide, a distraction with alcohol built in.

He tells you casually between turns he's fresh off (another) a break up with his on again off again girlfriend and you feel a dark part of you light up and a wicked idea is born.

You throw the pong game. To the point where Draken has to give you pointers. Has to get real close and talk lowly in your ear about how we need you to aim for the left one this time okay? His honeyed baritone sends shivers down your spine and you wonder for a second how much better this scenario would be if it were Shuji in your ear. Shuji's hands on your hip, his thumb dipping below the waist band of your skirt.

You huff a little. Nah fuck him. it's time to put your plan into action. You throw with your usual accuracy. You get the point. Out of the corner of your eye you see a certain skunk striped boy half-fixated on your game.

Showtime, you brain screams.

Excitedly you hop in Draken's grasp, throwing your arms around his neck and revel in his pleased laughter. "You're up again," he says as he puts you down and steps back. You stop him by the wrist, tug him back a little.

"Wait can you help me line it up again?" You bat your lashes a bit, playing at being drunker than you both know you are.

"Sure thing." You feel his warmth and relish in it, stalling and pressing into him. It's a miss, but the tiny peck under your ear he plants feels like a win.

The ball splashes in a cup on your side and you opponent, Kazutora smirks. Draken offers to drink it but you refuse. It's cheap beer. It's rough going down. Draken puts his hand between your shoulders and says that for such a pretty little thing you sure can hold your alcohol. The praise, more than the alcohol, warms your cheeks.

It's the last shot and you make it. You excitedly turn around in Draken's grasp and catch his lips in yours. You never intended for it to be a just celebratory peck, but you pull away, blushing a bit and stuttering apologies to make it appear so. Draken drawls out some praise for his pretty girl that won the game and draws you back in by the small of your neck and pulling the plush of your lower lip between his teeth.

You hear Kazutora cat whistle and know, you just know, it's meant to alert his buddy Shuji. Mentally you apologize to Emma but after she's regaled you and the girls with all the filthy details of the nasty make up sex she and Draken have, somehow you think she won't mind this little show, given that's all it was.

You hope she'll also forgive the two heavy punches Shuji lands on her Kennyboy before Kazutora pulls your next friend back and you can get back between the two again. People are staring, hoping for a fight. Some even boo when Emma whisks Draken away by the collar of his shirt and you try to push Shuji away.

"Fuck him," he spits and looks at you, "you too you little shit," he accuses and pulls you away by the wrist.

God, you're a certified sucker for that crazy look in his eyes. It's the first thing you think when Shuji slams the door of a spare bedroom in Pah Chin's house. You can't help it. There's nothing like Hanma Shuji slipping into his aggressive chaos mode on this earth. His irises glow with his emotion. And, wow was it easy to forget that he had you pressed against the door of this room with all his energy and attention fixed on you.

His fingers were knotted in your hair and you vaguely noted his growl asking you what the FUCK you thought you were doing.

"And who are you to ask that? I'm not yours. We're not together Shuji. Never have been. You're young, still right?" You shoot back

"Tch, that's what this is about?"

Maybe he had you caged against the door but liquid courage had you fighting back. You shove his chest. "Yeah. Yeah that's what this is about. What the fuck right do you have to treat me like I'm yours? You drive me everywhere. You hold my hand. You share your bed. You kiss my forehead. You make me breakfast. You know my secrets. You call me yours. But you can't make it official? What the fuck is up with that?"

With every sentence you've pushed Shuji back till he was perched on the corner of the bed.

"How the fuck is that fair, huh? You want me to be yours Shuji? Then tell me you're fucking mine." It's not a request. It's a demand. An ultimatum. A last chance to be honest with you.

He's looking up at you still as a statue, emotion so unreadable it unnerves you. You know how he wears almost any emotion. He rarely surprises you, and yet...

"I'm yours."

Shuji says it quietly at first like there's a lag between his awareness and speech. You're shocked he's caved so quickly and you stutter out an "Excuse me?"

"I'm yours." He repeats, more confidently. "God I'm so fucking yours." He's dragged you by the hips to straddle his lap and his lips are on yours and you swear you can taste the adrenaline on his tongue.

It's every bit as addicting as you guessed to properly make out with Shuji. You don't know how long you've been sat on him attached in this kiss but when you tug him by the hair to catch your breath and hear him groan at the tension you think you've died and gone to heaven. He's mumbling little "all fuckin yours, baby" up and down your neck and you feel his voice reverberating in your throat.

You grind down on the swell of his hardening dick and smirk a bit, lips ghosting his, "all?"

"All."

He's shimmying out of his pants, when you slide off his lap to kneel on the floor. You're met with a sizeable bulge hidden under tight black fabric and you damn near moan just at the sight of his freed dick springing up to tap his abs when you pull the last offending piece of fabric away. "Shuji you're so fucking beautiful." You say as you brush your fingers over his length carefully. His mouth opens in an amused playful smirk but you're on him immediately, stealing his words by licking a stripe from base to the tip that you pop right in your mouth. His jaw hesitates and then goes slack as you look up at him and take as much of him as possible.

You don't know what you expected but he is not quiet. He's mumbling praise and expletives and he exhales the hottest, breathiest moan you've ever had the pleasure to hear, let alone cause, when his tip hits the back of your throat and you swallow around it. You smile around him and want to giggle but you settle on humming around him. You force his fingers in your hair into a fist telling him to set his pace but he pulls you off instead. He's panting a bit and you feel a pang of pride in your chest.

"Need to fuck you. Need your pussy." He's already clamoring to help you up and discard your skirt. You do him the honor of not remembering his words as needy and stuttered as they were just this one time.

You climb over him to straddle his hips and stroke his cock once, twice, before running the tip along your slit. Rather than taking the tip you pivot your hips and pin his dick to his abs and run your soaking lips along his length. The sensation of his hot head nudging your clit brings you to your elbows, moaning in his ears.

Big hands grip your ass and grind you even harder into his dick. And between the warm stimulation and the nails digging into your skin you're already on the fucking edge, but you'll be damned if the first time you fuck Shuji you don't cum around his cock.

Finally after your relentless teasing you lined up his dick and hovered over him bobbing just enough to tease his tip with the velvety walls of your pussy. Shuji can barely whine a "fuck, doll stop teasing me cant take it," before you've sunk down and taken his cock whole and he's groaning and squeezing your ass, pulling you onto himself with bruising strength. You're suddenly laying on him again, collapsed down to your elbows with the power of your orgasm, while your fluttering walls only spur him on.

The weight of years of fantasies of this moment hit him at once and before you can process it, he's bear hugging you and rolling over to take the lead. Fuck, how could he not? After pining after you for so long, imagining getting to finally fuck you and promising himself that he'd make sure you wanted no one else when he was done with you.

It's endearing, you think, how he mutters as much to you over and over as he makes your pussy his as he fucks you through your high and beyond. You giggle and moan and gasp and think this is exactly how you pictured sex with Shuji to be needy, whiny, unexpected, a little rough.

You can read him so well that when his breath hitches just right, you wrap you legs around his waist, ignoring the stuttered warning of his own impending orgasm. Instead you gripped his hair, pulled his face to yours and breathed, "Gonna make me all fucking yours?" over his lips.

Immediately he pulled away from your kiss, unable to coordinate as he lost his composure and filled you, half locked in place by your legs. Muttered curses and filthy nonsense about how you feel around his is all he can get out until he's spent, finally latching his mouth on your shoulder to give an affectionate bite, not unlike bites you'd exchanged as friends a few hours before. You let him lay on you a minute or so to recover before he pulls back and sits up on his knees to look down at you, at his handiwork.

"Holy shit."

"Yeah," you agreed.

"Why haven't we done that before?"

"Hm...something about you being young?" You tease as he eases out of you.

"Yeah yeah, I get it. We already fucked that issue away," he jokes back and combs his fingers through some minor tangles in your hair, "S'not like I meant it anyway, y'know."

You catch his hand and tug it, wanting to be closer, "You're free to prove that to me any time."

In true Shuji form, he gasps in that goofy performatively dumb way he likes to as he brings his face close to yours for a kiss, "You mean I can do this again?"

#i don't have it in me to tag this #hanma shuji #hanma shuji x reader #hanma shuji smut #hanma shuji x you

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akgaereporter · 3 months

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nct: sunflowers attacking dream over recent haechan live ☠

tldr: during haechan’s recent welive he said he permed his hair & dream "thought something was wrong" with it so he got it straightened again. some sfs/hc solos started losing their damn minds over that🤕 he also talked a lot abt music he wants to release and highkey called sm out, and all of this got the sunflower girlies real mad i guess..

so earlier haechan went live on weverse and was talking about dream's reaction to him perming his hair:

some sfs went kinda insane over this☠

like woah..? how did we go from 1 to 100☠ i cant even tell whos a solo, a unitzen, or a dream anti thats how bad it is..

and when dreamzens started ratioing these folk, this person said its hypocritical for them to say psychoanalyzing is weird when drmzens did the same to 127 with their constant coworker allegations

idk what they were tryna say here like okay..?? then yall both freaks☠

☆ my opinion

icl and say i’ve been keeping up w this 284828483 year old unitzen drama but i do remember the coworker allegations the last person was talking about, it got really bad at one point, however that doesnt excuse the INSANITY that is going on here. inserting urself into this big ole grown man’s relationships and acting like hes some kind of poor bullied people pleaser who can’t make any choices for himself is so crazy PLEASE wake up. if any of yall lewsers read past the first line of those translations youd see he agreed and said he also didn’t like the way the perm came out (bc the back was all curly and his bangs weren’t)☠️ imagine getting ur hair done and looking crazy, so u listen to ur homeboys and get it fixed but ur deranged 70 hour sceentime having ass fans start acting like they punched u unconscious, strapped u to a chair and straightened it themselves.. id smoke a pack the size of both koreas too if my stans were so insufferable like dont embarass me.. all y’all doing is exposing u have absolutely zero friends bc ive never seen a more normal interaction between groupmates☠️

but all this lowkey feels like a reaction to some of the things hc said concerning music/solo scheds during the live. its obvious that sm is in fact sabotaging him bc ur telling me 8 years in, as one of nct's strongest vocalists and a popular member, he hasn't released any proper solo music despite wanting to..??? and is still getting micromanaged this far into his career? if 2+2 is 4 um...

like i thought after a certain amount of time idols start having more of their own creative/appearance direction like with bts, seventeen etc. i guess it might be bc those groups make a lot self written music but still..? doesnt hyuck write music too? to have a star on ur hands like this and fumble is so crazy to me, theres no other explanation than they want him to stay local and not get too big for the brand since hes one of the centers in nct.

but girl bye.. if they let his fame grow, all they'd have to do is treat him properly and he wouldn't want to leave they wack ass company. they just dont want him to have a choice☠ now they got him on lock bc they dont know how to act right. im not condoning anything but i really do understand why so many haechan/nct solos in general exist.. it all starts & ends with sm's fuckassery cause if my biases got steady treated like garbage id get hostile towards ANYONE in and out of the group too like..

anyways had to wake this tea up🤕 haechan deserves better everything i fear. better company, better fans, but NOT a better group. he loves those boys down and all of them are highkey in the same boat but saying that on unitzentwt will get you SHOT. stay strapped in these streets..

[c l o s e t a b ?] ◀ ⇨ akgaepop.com

#kpoptwt #nctzens #dreamzens #haechan #kpop twitter

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leoneedincorrectquotes · 6 months

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Sorry if this is overstepping but I love your ichisaki matchmakers idea and I just wanted to propose some possible ships for Shiho and Ena i think would be cute (plus this is totally an excuse for me to talk abt cute poly ln ships)

Honakanaena: Like Ena is just sooo down bad for Kanade (source: just trust me bro) and her and Honami are so cute together in the Rainbow Canvas event, like both of them have hangups about art and talent (Hona more about fitting in and Ena about having the skill to do it professionally) and they managed to work through some of their problems together, and Hona even invited her and Emu to the thank you concert!

Anhane + Shiho (idk the ship name): 1A trio always and forever, Shiho gets a good moment in her wolf forest card story where she finds An and calms her down, and there’s just so many good moments for them in there. Shiho talks about how much Kohane wanted An to enjoy their room, Shiho and An talk about how caring Kohane is, and An tells Shiho that Kohane told her before how cool Shiho is. It’s really great for the three of them. And then An and Shiho had all their moments in Resonant Town but I could talk about them for way too long if I didn’t stop myself.

Minoharu + Shiho: Once again, 1A trio always and forever, the Minoshiho dynamic is so silly, they get a funny moment in Minori’s wolf forest card where she has to hold together one of the costumes while someone goes to get the glue for it, but she also really wants to eat cookies, so Kohane and Shiho feed them to her. And Harushiho, lovers of cute things. I really loved Haruka’s recent bday story where Shiho picked out the customizable phenny plush for her bday gift. This ship is just sweetness all the way down.

I’d absolutely love any pairing you decided on though and I’m super excited to read the fic when it comes out!

Thank you so much for the ideas, its totally fine to send in stuff like this. I think that, for the ships, I do really like AnHaneShiho, I haven't actually read resonant town yet, but I do know that they have interactions together, and An and Shiho are suprisingly similar characters. As for Minoharushiho, I think that it could be very fun to use, and I think I could probably find a way to use it, my only concern is that I feel like Minori and Haruka work slightly better as a pair, while there are several other characters that work in Anhane in general. Finally HonaKanaEna does make a lot of sense, but personally something about it doesn't fit for me. It's not that it is a bad ship, I just feel like there's something better for Ena, and while it's a good idea, and I will absolutely think about it, It's not really making me crazy, unlike AnHaneShiho.

#project sekai #leo/need #shiho hinomori #honami mochizuki #not a quote #fanfiction discussion #an shiraishi #kohane azusawa #minori hanasato #minoharu #haruka kiritani #anhane #kanade yoisaki #ena shinonome #once again thank you

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mochinon-yah · 19 days

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AJDSJKSKKS HI HELLO SORRY MOCHI I JUST SAW THIS NOW PLS EXCUSE MY HAREBRAIN

ahem

man i just got off my break like a week ago hhhhh, but i can relate to being lazy and videogaming lol fdkjskj (me with acnh and genshin coughs) but my sleep schedule is considerably better? i have to wake up early on weekdays bc of my kid brother sadly smh and i spite him for it pretty sure college students are more stressed

JkeKJF THANKIES!! tbh i kind of just kept my bday private for a smaller group of friends (that includes you btw) + my boyfriend, but yea me being 20 isn't much different from being 18 lol. you rlly don't feel different until you hit 30 coughs anyway i return the headpaps and hugs mweeheheh >:D

istg my bf is just like albedo (but make him emo), cuz like he always struck me as the kind of person who will try to out-compliment you but at the same time is genuine? if that makes sense? EHFfdkskSKJFD but yea he's a sweetheart hehehe yes its real healthy couples do exist and i feel like a unicorn

anywayyyy yea i can name a lot of times where people can't catch onto my body language and i do that as well. like a simple question is fine if someone needs to get somewhere, but if it's someone i don't like i'll make it obvious. in general, if i don't know someone very well, i'll kind of just like veer away from them while giving them a dead stare- (and they still don't get the hint or are insanely blind to social cues)

NO CUZ THATS SO REAL?? if i get into a book, then it's usually because of a fanfic or some other form of media?? kind of like the acotar series i wanted to get into but like hesitant cuz i don't know if it's spicy ;3;

andd headpaps accepted nyehehehe

LMAOOO IT'S OKAY THO, NO WORRIES VIVI!! I woke up so suddenly so idk if i can answer this ask with the right mind 😭😭 sorry if there are soem typos or whatever grammatically wrong things lol

Hdjsjsjs a break will literally activates my lazy mode, and i swear i will get so, so lazy it would probably make you wonder why am i even still ali- *cough* anyway, thank god, your sleeping schedule is much better than mine 🥹👍👍 your lil brother is such a menace but i guess helpful too lmao

And YAAA, NO PROB VIVI :3 last birthday of mine was kinda quiet because only some people remembered lol. Then again, i'm a really quiet person irl, i doubt anybody would remember it- okay, this just turns so sour??? I'm gonna stop talking abt it jdjwkiekwk

I'm part of your smaller group of friends? 🥺👉👈 awwhhhh, you're making me blush- (i'm weak to words like that wth, no guys i do have friends too irl, i'm not a loner 😭) BUT LMAO YEAH, I AGREE WITH 'you rlly don't feel different until you hit 30'. Well, i haven't hit 30 yet, but i guess the only different thing would be that you can say you're old now- /jjj

(LMAO I FELL ASLEEP WHILE ANSWERING THIS.... anyway, back to answering vivi's ask :3)

Imagining emo! bedo and you with the dynamic of emo but cute x cute and cuter is so jdnsjkska 😭 i understand why you would feel like a unicorn even in ur own relationship.... for me, i feel like the side character who just saw the main character fall in love with each other lol

BUT LIKE AAAA SO CUTE, YOU AND HIM ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER?????

*cough* anyway-

People should really be attentive to other ppl ☝️ at least they should know if they're making it uncomfy for other ppl. But err, for me personally, i don't mind people gathering close to me, buuuttt it's possibly because of my friends since all of them are a lot, lot more sociable than me hahhaahaha- honestly, they often told me to talk more with people so i can know the latest gossip and just overall have many friends, but i really can't 😭😭 friendship with me is like the slow build-up but overall genuine one, or at least that's what i think....?

But ngl tumblr has help me a lot to be more expressive in public and just overall making me more sociable than in the past <3 i won't thank the tumblr app itself because the one who made me this way now is literally myself and also a whole bunch of amazing people i had met here, including youu!!! <3 whether you and them help me directly by interacting or just endulging in my silly behavior, ily all ueyehhewh (just gonna tag some ppl here teehe -> @beloved-brynn, @meimeimeirin, @leftdestiny-posts, @fishanonishere, @navxry, @calxlu (you) ♡ ily all, all of u are just so amazing, idk what i even did to meet u all, literally so happy if we ever talk or interact here <3)

OKAY 🤚 THE VIBE IS GETTING A BIT MORE.... UN-SILLY, SO UHHH MOVING ON TO THE NEXT BIT-

Fanfic literally runs half of the fandom, and that fandom could be anything lmao. Well, not really half, but a significant amount! I think memes also run a significant amount of keeping the fandom alive too lol

BUT YEAH, I ENDED UP BUYING PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, RIGHT? AND NOW I'M LIKE... "hm, what in the world is this word? who is talking in this part?? what is even happening-" jkjk, my vocabs is kinda limited since i'm not a native english speaker, but i do understand most of what the book is actually explaining

AND YAAYYY MY HEADPATS ARE ACCEPTED <3

#reli-answers : vivi <3 #literally running on silly behavior to keep me alivr #LMAO #school is always making me be serious so i hope u all don't mind if i get really.... really..... silly sometimes-#heheh

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insert-neologism · 29 days

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maybe by flower face - notes

Im sorry abt the blocks of text in the middle omg it was NOT supposed to be this long but im citing ppl! very exciting.

STILL WITH COLOURS but now its harder to explain bc its not pov; theyre being talked to. so im gonna just keep the original colours from the planning doc (wich is mostly who is shown rn)

jackie blue, shauna red

You cut so deep but

she cuts herself. p obvious i think. but its not only physical (more or less) but also jackies words (in the context of the whole scene)

I’ve always loved you deeper

1we know cannibalism is a sign of love (at least i think everyone whos found my edits does. idk the fanom rlly apart from tumblr). shauna has always loved jackie (even though she doesnt know it), through the years of feeling inferior to jackie (until the end). 2jackie cuts herself to give to shauna but its like more outer layer ig? anyways shauna eats like. her whole or at least not 5 cm flesh

Those voices in your hallway, if you let her in,

sort of resembles a hallway//obvsly th hallucinations started before she ate the ear but it was like the start of the hungry thing

You’ve gotta keep her

love the eye thingy omg. same as above

who’ve you been talking to

more like 'what have u done' but u get the picture

What do they want you to do?

also like. obsvious i think

Baby, I’m afraid you’ve been reckless with my heart

NOW jackie is talking. no more 3rd person narrator.

anyways yeah i dont rlly know what to explain here. she tore the last connection jackie had to their friendship and uh @amygobrrr said it better than I could rn

bc "Shauna was supposed to be the one person who truly loved her. The one person who loved Jackie, not as a soccer captain (like the team did), or as just a girl (like her boyfriend did), or as the mirage of perfect daughter (like her parents did), but loved her as her, as Jackie. Shauna's journal reveals even that to be a lie. [...]

Jackie is hurt, not over Jeff—though he provides her with a convenient excuse to the others—but over what Shauna being willing to sleep with him says to her about how Shauna must view their friendship. Shauna has told her that love and friendship don't matter. The romantic love Jackie knew she didn't feel for Jeff, the romantic love she believed Shauna didn't feel for her, and the platonic love she believed Shauna did; none of them mattered, none of them ever existed. [...]

Jackie is, at this point [the arguing scene], totally convinced that no scrap even of the friendship she was so desperately clinging to really exists. Everything she feels for Shauna is unrequited—everything except, of course, the anger and the hurt."¹

anyways thats why she died

While i was sleeping you slipped in and burst apart

sleeping = death. thats my humor. bursting apart references the panic yk sorta

God knows i love you so, but i won’t be your ghost

(^ thats not wjat ure hungry for is sorta love to me. idk why but i always have to think of that. one day im gonna analyse that)

ghost/hallucination idk. jackie tells her 'what? actually, you dont know. [my death] was totally ur fault'. shes not formless, passive, not just like hanging there (obviously its more shaunas pov as shes the one imagining the whole thing. so its shauna making jackie reject her again? (nvm the 'but we were just children' rn) maybe bc its because thats the most prominent memory shauna has of jackie; being rejected constantly. bc of jeff, bc of her giving her attention to other ppl, by telling her what to wear etc and therefore directly rejecting a part of shauna herself.

in her hallucinations jackie is way more like sharp and mean sorta; thats how shauna remembers her. this is how she lives on in her memory; for shauna, jackie is saying: im not yours, i never was and i never will be, even after death. even when literally nobody else can see me (REGARDING THE LYRIC. NOT THE ACTUAL TEXT i should probably say this.) doesnt matter if that is how jackie really was/felt about shauna bc thats not what it is about. not anymore, not for a long time; its about how shauna sees jackie, and herself through jackie. jackie doestn exist anymore; shes a mere mirror through which shauna sees a distorted version of herself whcih she attributes to jackie. (i feel like i should make a post abt this (esp bc you can reverse the whole thing) if somebody is rreading this (hi) pls tell me if i shouldd)

You’re the one who’s in my body ripping at the seams

(still jackie talking like vo style) I LOVE THIS its about shauna living jackies life. she lives the normal, homecoming-queen, married-her-hs-sweetheart life, not the went-to-brown life. instead of jackie - bc she 'killed' jackie (for the sake of this symbolism). thats shes in her body is a bit more extreme than that shes just living her life but like i get it? she has assumed jackies role, she literally married jackies boyfriend. shes not living a live similar to the one jackie wouldve led, but literally living her life.

but its ripping. bc shauna is not jackie (but fundamentally different.) shes not the normal housewife; if its only bc she cheats or her violent tendencies (outright murder) or her past alone. stuff thats like bigger than jackies body? idk how to say that. rabbits dont symbolize that but they remind me of like innocence almost? childlike maan idk how to say that but stuff that shauna is decidedly not; stuff that jackie probably would be. to me, it shows the difference; shaunas assumed life vs her real self. shes keeping the ceramic rabbits, shes keeping them, shes trying but shes still sb else. its not her life, it was never supposed to be

You’re the one who’s crashing on the highways in my dreams

(now shauna is talking) the bridge has aways been symbolic with dreams for me. probably bc its night there idk anyways jackie is haunting shauna, similar to a nightmare. when she turns jackies gone; it becomes abundantly clear that its not real, its a dream but shes still dead

maybe i won’t, maybe i will

yeah. maybe shell stay outside, maybe shell come inside

haven’t slept so easy since you left me in the wild

rlly love this bc technically shauna left jackie outside, in the wild. and she didnt sleep that well out there (she died). BUT i love it more to interpret this as 'jackie went outside, jackie died and left shauna alone to spiral into madness or something close to.' also shauna hasnt slept that easy after tbh

I wish i could have loved you right

bet she does wish that. bc they loved each other! they really, obviously did. but they (here shauna) didnt know how to do it right;

but i was just a child

(which makes sense consiering their circumstances etc). and they were children and like its normal to make mistakes and idk its probably not that normal to cheat on ur bff with her boyfriend but the point is children make mistakes. only normally they dont die for it. and i dont think shauna was cheating on jeff for jeff but for jackie (which is like. wildly popular thought (?)(has to be bc ive heart of it lol) so i dont think i have to explain it much) (or at all rlly) bc she wanted jackie and the only way she could have her was by getting with her boyfriend (the only person with which she was physically sort of closer than shauna). smell jackie on him and pretend its her etcetc

maybe I won’t, maybe I will

she was with jeff, she is with jeff, but in the same way jackie was and is still with her.

Run back to you

always (shows the progression, jackies always there frfr)

There’s something dark inside me and i can’t get it out

violence etc; its obviously still in her adult years

My thoughts ring in your voice now and i can’t make a sound

like i said above. shauna projects her thoughts onto jackie

You loved me holy with your cross and your disease

eating=holy??maybe. cross stands for faith; technically christian faith but it says YOUR cross and its a heart so its their faith into each other. disease bc idk made sense in my mind

Did you feel that close to god when you had me on my knees?

actually not sure abt that one; either its jackie asking: shaunas finally standing her ground, being bigger than jackie, confronting her and jackie is subdued (on her knees)

OR its shauna asking (in the context of the argument) if jackie ever felt that close to god when she idk put shauna under herself?? how do i word this (in shaunas pov) and jackie responding 'what? no'

If you don’t love me now, well then we all go down

if shauna doesnt go outside to get jackie inside then theyll succumb to cannibalism. and jackie dies (which is what happens, bc shauna does not 'love her now'

I’m your sweetest parasite, you fill me up with pesticide

shauna still loves jackie. think thats clear somewhat. (=sweet) jackie basically nests herself in shaunas brain, wont let her go (=parasite). pesticide doesnt refer as much as like. 'go away fuck u parasite' but, U GUESSED IT, the words that jackie says. bc she doestn actually say them (bc shes dead); thats shaunas doing.

bleed me Baby, gemini, hurt me til you feel all right

she bleeds. she loves her. idk what else to do. she does tell her; twist: shauna still is very much not alright

and i won’t, no, i won’t

she wont

You got into my head and now i’ll never be the same

'parasite'; as we see the violent tendencies have carried on into the adult life. also I rlly like her look here I think it rlly captures the essence of what i was trying to say

My trigger finger twitches every time i hear your name

well she does look uneasy

And maybe I won’t, maybe I will

maybe

Run back to you

literally spends the rest of the song running back to her. BUT ITS NOT RLLY HER OMG

you can find the edit here

¹whole cited post

#mitos incredible life #long post #like fr guys every time im writing these i get possessed halfway through and go completely off the rails #jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water - notes #jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water #god dont i love having Too Many Tags #anyways

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magnoliamyrrh · 10 months

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i find the whole conversation around self-dxing to be interesting too because while self-dxing can indeed be dangerous and bad, on the other hand i am also quite anti-psychiatry, if youve got something youve obviously got it without a diagnosis, and getting a diagnosis can be hard af

like idk i think way too many ppl push this "go get therapy go get professional help and evaluation!!!" thing all the time. as if many therapists and psychs arent stupid af, as if they cant be wrong, as if they cant further traumatize someone, as if they can't be smart and kind ppl but Still get things wrong. and as if the entire psych system for the most part isnt fucked in manyyy ways...... like... yea, if you can and find a good one go i guess depending on circumstance... but you better take everything they say with a grain of salt too, wtf

.... yes teenagers and in general young ppl self diagnoing themselves with 2000 things is harmful. they may be doing it either for attention, because its cool and trendy, bc theyve actually got histrionic or mauchausens, bc theyre pathologizing normal human reactions, or bc theyve not done enough actual research and went off of articles which explain things in such a way that frankly most humans would relate. or they may confuse disorders among each other, or they may not be pragmatic enough abt it. yes this is a huge issue. weve got 20000 teenagers and young adults and even some adults running around saying theyve got turrets or did or autism or bpd or ocd or whatever the hell is trendy. psych wards for symptoms and conditions (which are themselves often imperfect) have been watered down to an extreme and are thrown around. therapy talk is being used to make excuses for behavior which should not be excused

...... at the same time. yea self diagnosis isnt inherently harmful all the time. the ppl who say otherwise and are 2000% certain only docs can tell u shit arent skeptical enough of docs. with some things its obvious. i didnt need any doctor to tell me i had anorexia nervosa or bulimia lmaoooo that shit was obvious and clear as day. i didnt need to be told i had bpd, i caught on at a young age i had it, and bc i neither could go to therapy nor wanted to, i spend years understanding that disorder on every which side and way and recovering from it myself. it saved my life. i dont even wanna know how bad things would have been if i didnt accept i had that and understood it - and yea, i didnt need no doctor to tell me to know. and low and behold, docs agree i used to have bpd, still hsve some symptoms, but have mostly recovered from it. funnily enough i caught onto having some sort of osdd/did years ago, than denied it completely to myself for years, than i couldnt ignore it and deny it anymore. ended up getting a diagnosis for that too. :/ i figured i had adhd for years on end but docs either thought it was something else or i wouldn't bring it up much. low and behold i have a diagnosis and the high doses of adhd meds i can handle without feeling st all "drugged out" are proof that i do actually have adhd

if anything lmaoo i have personal experience with having a crazy psych. a woman who mistook cptsd&osdd/did for bipolar disorder, gave me drugs literally illegally which ate at my body and told me not to tell anyone, and also yelled at me that i was crazy. had a therapist who thinks being molested makes ppl homosexual and that step-parent sexual attraction is normal on some level.....;;;; like;;;;;;..... yea. the psychs and therapists arent some sort of final say people. they can be crazy and they can be wrong

and the idea that Inherently someone with bpd, or did/osdd or whatever else Cant Know of their disorder before being told (tho the latter was actually suggested to me many yrs ago by someone) is just. wrong and harmful frankly. yea in some cases pls dont know, or theyre in extreme denial (like with anorexia). but not with all. not with all. 👀 my psychs found it surprising how self aware i was, impressive, but they did not think this was some sort of disqualification

idk. yea. like. theres definetely issues around self-dex especially in the hell were living today but acting like its Always Inherently Bad and Will Never Help and docs are some sort of authority who are the only ones with some say... ,,,, yeaaaa. no. that's also dangerous

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girlwithfish · 2 months

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im still trying to fully accept that i dont need validation from the person whos caused me physical emotional mental psychological harm like . hes not gonna fully admit to the horrible shit hes done and when he has kind of acknowledged some things its weird empty blanket statements or always paired with an excuse or some way to minimize or offset shit like the times he tried to talk to me just pissed me off bc it came off as incredibly manipulative. all like "dont u think u owe it to urself to not be angry at me that soudns hard" like thats any of his business and its so clear he only wants to ease his conscience and feel better and he literally said he feels so much better talking abt it like that annoys me soo much... good for him ig but i dont and ofc its always about him again. I dont need the person whos already shown me who they are repeatedly over the past two+ yrs to suddenly validate how shitty and cruel theyve been to me bc they already revealed how they feel about me how they are willing to treat me like obviously this person is not gonna own up to it and does not actually care if they cared it wld have stopped a long time ago. obviously i was not cool w his abuse when i was in it but its really hard to get out of smth like that which idk it feels isolating bc idk if u havent been in it u dont get it and so its easy for ppl to say like why didnt u just leave etc but ! the constant manipulation from him to always turn it on me and make me feel crazy and also like i was the problem for ages or downplaying him severely hurting me and causing me pain and doing disrespectful acts to me and being told to my face that it doesnt matter its just disgusting. idk how someone can do that to another person. 0 accountability

#i think hes genuinely a bad person and wish nothing but the worst for him

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angelsofneonandgarbage · 2 months

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sorey for being a bit. scary on main. i just finished madk vol. 3 which is finally out in english and i was so excited for it but the ending is a near closed-loop cyclical ending which always really bothers me n puts me in a state in nihilistic anxiety/dissociation idk but also. it just makes me wanna feel things again. i wanna stop taking my meds. ive had the upped dose for a week ish now n its bringing back my paranoia which should settle in a week tops but it's bothering me bc it means i cant listen to tma bc that's creepy enough to set it off. sorry i swear my mental health has actually been better these last couple of days im slowly regaining mental functionality to an extent but i keep slipping and falling and i just. don't have the spoons to figure out every problem i have and address them enough to be functional again. like there's the attachment problems w my ex which keep coming back every time i feel like jm getting over them, the chronic exhaustion and general symptoms of pots, my meds fucking with me, general depression but also manic episodes, the fact im way over budget but my mum wants me to get her a 60 quid fountain pen for her birthday/mothers day and im not going to be there to see her around that time anyway sso i have even less of an excuse to cheap out. and ive been committedly lying abt my mental state to my parents to convince them im getting better than i was at xmas even tho im worse bc my mum will come up here and invade my uni life if she realises how bad i am doing

ah yeah i hate when fiction leads to like a major dissociative bit especially bc i love to use media as an escape when im floating out my body and then it goes and makes it worse and sets off a chain reaction of pent up shittiness? the absolute worst fr

not to sound like an overbearing parent but pls take ur meds !!!!! ik it sucks rn getting thru the adjustment phase but think of how things will change once u get used to them! u may not notice a crazy positive change right away but think of the small things. like u can listen to tma again once ur adapted to ur meds!! even if it’s something small that gets u thru daily tasks like that. u could take ur pills in the morning and be like “this is for u martin”

and oh god ex drama we both know that one well. idk if it would help but maybe if every time u have a like thought abt them that makes u feel any way that’s great just text me ur thoughts to try and get them out yk. like how i texted u like “the voices!!” when i was talking abt my ex like the other week pls feel free to do that back if u think it would help

and exhaustion and depression suck man i wish i had some like quippy little tip or smthn for u there but i’m suffering right there with u on those. and maybe just the thought that we’re going thru that together could help? holding ur hand thru the horrors <3

and oh man money problems r the worse omg. ik u said the pen is like 60 quid and mothers day is coming up so idk what ur like personal budget is looking like but me when i’m trying to make bigger purchases is i set aside a few bucks a day like just a few dollars $2 or $3 nothing that seems like a lot just a little snack or drink price but somthing that adds up a decent bit when done for a few days straight and u have like two ish weeks till then right? so u could make a decent dent with that plan

and hey i’m all for lying to parents but i think u shoukd consider the possibility that u may need to ask for help at one point even tho that’s so hard and ur mom will get all up in ur business but maybe it could help. or u could think of ur daily life like ur mom is there or nearby as a way to like watch urself and try to control what ur doing if that makes sense?

#hi sorry i hope this made sense and i hope u don’t find my response annoying i felt like i had to say more back than just augh man that #sucks im sorry so i hope some of this helps a little? if its not for u tho that’s 100% ok i hope u find things that help u soon <3 #also not sure if u wanted this private or not so i can totally change it if u don’t watch this public #.🫀

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doctorguilty · 3 months

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Long cartoons ramble lol

That was from my queue but making me think abt s2 my biggest fear is s2 is simon being like out of the main story like as a character that just sometimes comes up not just because I like him like yeah but way more importantly I really liked how the dynamic and friendship between him and fionna and cake developed because it was like so extremely important for the entire world building and I get sorta miffed when people are like, uhhh it's fionna and cake not fionna cake and simon get over it 🙄 let other characters (finn gets brought up a lot here) take the spotlight, like firstly you're contradicting yourself because I don't see Finn in the title either, and not to say I don't want to see more of him (I do! And I anticipate more of him!) But he was NOT actually a major part of the story! And isn't actually all the relevant to fionna he NEVER was in the og series, ice king was, but lemme back up. . .

From the beginning, fionnaworld existing in Simon's mind, was entirely impacted by his feelings, which wasn't just the lack of magic it was the fact he was depressed and getting to his wits end, feeling out of place, that's why fionna was so sad in her world, "I'm not feeling like myself today" etc, it wasn't like in a vacuum she was 100% intertwined with him (always was! Ice king wrote her stories!) And the beginning of their relationship was this sort of hostility like simon being angry to know she even existed and wasn't just a foolish machination of the insane ice king, and his peers are like ohhhh we loved those comics ice king wrote, and meanwhile simon is like repeatedly attempting suicide (which would have killed fionnas entire world. Btw.) Fionna is a little more open to him, but leaning towards her self interest of the fact that if he dies her world does, cake meanwhile is like damn this guy sucks.

By the end of the journey though, fionna genuinely cares about him so much she'd rather risk losing the battle to save her and her world than for simon to destroy himself for her (and she does this twice actually! The first time when they were with the lich and fionna had secretly picked up the crown and tried to hide it so simon wouldn't put it on, she even fights with cake over it, her bestie cake), simon cares so much he (ALSO TWICE) tries to go against Betty's wishes to save fionnas world with the crown, and at FIRST it was like a convenient excuse to psychologically off himself like welp I don't care if I live or die, if I throw my brain awake this person lives, then it's settled. Later its like, he so genuinely wants to make the sacrifice he tries doing it in front of his chaos God wife (when originally.. the plan was to see her, apologize, and die with her)

After fionnas world became it's own thing separate from simon.. like, the parallel cannot be missed here, the fact that her world was represented by a dandelion she wished on to save, the fact that Betty blew simon away like blowing like a dandelion wishing for him to go back home and live, he and fionna stay in contact across the multiverse to be friends. And their friendship and love for one another peaked at this point, when they are no longer like involuntarily bound together, they both chose to make the best of the lives they have (fionnas being letting go of the magic she wanted to have, and learning to appreciate her world as it is .. which is better because the way it is, simon is not suffering (as ice king ) for it to exist. That's what her nightmare about the freezer was about.)

Like all the themes and parallels between fionna and simon are so fucking intertwined I cannot even understand why you'd want to see less of that :[ even if it's not the main focus of like, whatever stakes will be introduced in s2, their bond should still be like.. very prominent I feel?? To be like "well we don't need simon anymore since fionnas on her own" kinda like dumps out all of the stuff I was just talking abt yknow?? And idk like rip to you but I'm different ig but was it not super sweet and cute for a peppy 30 year old failwoman, her sassy talking cat, and a 59 year dorky widower with a heart of gold to be adventure buddies like..? :[

"Well Simon's story with betty concluded" I hear a lot well, okay! First of all the conclusion sucked but w/e that's a hot topic of debate, but more importantly, that's fine, that part can be concluded and. The conclusion was (the better part of it) that simon should stop letting his grief about betty kill him from the inside out and instead live the life she sacrificed herself for him to have. So... that.. lines up? Perfectly in fact?? that sets him up for s2 to have more than not a clean slate on one of the most major parts of his character since forever (betty) like if his journey is no longer about her then. He's like pretty fresh to do whatever. And what was ADDED to him was his relationship with fionna and cake. And as much as I WISH he got a happier end with betty, it is what it is, I'm very much ready for simon new game+ where he's happier and (especially since s1 set him up as like being pretty alone and isolated even from the people who love him b/c they're living their own fulfilling lives) gets a reprise with fionna and cake and they're like, his next closest people, and she like, gets another adventure with the person connected to the world of magic she wanted (who himself isn't even magic he's a human like her)

I don't wanna see that shoved to the side it would be heartbreaking!! They're friends! They care so fucking much about eachother! 😭 it's not just me right?? I can't be the only one who doesn't feel like their friendship is integral to the story 😭😭

#seth speaks

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guideaus · 1 year

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tristamp ep 12 thoughts

12 seconds in its... as heavy handed as always

wolfwood said im out

meryl miraculously got unstuck despite that being her excuse the last half ep for not doing anything (even tho she had a gun)

zazie's mask is strong

they sure did go hard on the impregnated plant stuff. im so blocking anyone who praises this lmao

also hate stampede's change of plants here? vash is Full Dependant plant, so humans mean nothing to him now? Orange really did make them soulless? and need the miraculous twin's "assistance" to not be soulless?

HATE them giving knives' line from trimax to vash. i think that scene was an illusion, but still

does tristamp knvies actually have mommy issues lol? like did Orange just put too many women in the motherly role, so it looks like that, or is it an intentional thing??

Orange said rem's one (1) personality trait is liking geraniums

are they actually going to acknowledge rem's influence on vash

i guess not

knives grew one wing like sephiroth, but they didnt exactly focus on it...

vash just got better for some reason

i dont really know why knives is attacking meryl tbh, she didnt do much. but ig they want the cliche "i heard her voice" thing

his hair sure is vertical

things sure are animated

also i fucking hate conrad now here. he's roberto's replacement for explaining information straight to the audience. come on

i guess they made wolfwood show up in some way. i was gonna say meryl is also useless except for the cliche "girl waking up bf in danger" thing, but whatever

i said this before, but tristamp really does have a stange placement of comedy

i also dont really know whats going on rn. tbh

vash has a typhon arm, but yet again they arent putting much focus on it for some reason...

how did these random ppl recognize vash flying through the air lol...

this scene also feels very contrived. vash flys low and towards soldiers, circles them, and theres the "mean humans hurting vash" scene bc of that

knives killing those ppl reminds me of omni-man's "that's your fault" hehe

also theyre now focusing on his wing. he does look a little strange floating in mid air but idk. who knows what a floating person would look like

there's smth off abt what vash just said but idk

wolfwood now cares

i was gonna say why does vash have his goth skin on, but now that theyre toussling in the sky, i see its like 98, maybe knives was super white in trimax too, who knows

i feel like tristamp messed up the plants or maybe knives? theres also smth Off abt this convo

they sure did animate him running, but that is not a good thing. that was literally my criticism of trimax's end. this feels just like when tristamp presented his rudolph ass as a good thing

i dont really get the significance of him declaring his name, but i cant say anything w/o comparing trimax

knives' va sure can scream, but i couldnt help but laugh at the scene

i also dont get why theyre going into space. do these plants not need oxygen

wtf was the point of going into space

that photo made me realize that is the only time vash promises for peace...

is zazie talking abt the humans. why did they see meryl as significant enough to tell that to

again the mention of humans from earth made me realize tristamp dropped gunsmoke attempting to reach them

i imagine mention of the insurance society and milly would excite fans, but it feels so ridiculous to me

nightow's other show reference. either wolfwood's been there or meryl smokes now??

we got eriks and the girl (i forgot her name sorry :( ). his hair better get long though. idk wtf kinda building theyre in though

i thought they were gonna show the hole in the moon :/

chronica.

#personal #trigun stampede spoilers

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pashminalamb · 1 year

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BELLE LOVE YOURE BACK!!!!!!!!! I've missed you so much 😭😭😭!!!! I'm so sorry to hear that you're sick though 😖😖. That seriously sucks, but I hope you feel better soon!!! Also I have a confession to make. I know I said I was working on blue lock drabbles. But like. The TR season 2 opening just dropped. I am not the same woman I was 1 hour ago. Episode 13 of bllk will probably kick-start my inspiration for the writing again (hopefully) but I'm hitting a block atm and all I can think abt is TR right now 💀💀. I have actually been so productive this winter break that it's insane. Cleaning, cooking, organizing, writing, etc. It's hard to believe I was the same person as last year tbh. I'm a hoarder and a sentimental sap so I never throw anything away 💀🥲. BUT I got rid of so much unnecessary stuff yesterday and I'm actually kind of proud of myself. I've been meaning to go to the gym again, but finding the motivation is hard, especially in the early morning when I'm drowsy and tired. I know it's not an excuse and I plan on going to bed early tomorrow so I can wake up without feeling tired 😤😤. Wish me luck 🥹🤞🏼!!! Also also. I have currently been listening to the new opening on loop since I heard it came out don't judge me and I'm pretty sure I have the entire visuals and lyrics matched up inside my head atp where I can hear it and know which character is on screen 💀💀💀. It's the same with the season 1 episodes again no judging. Yes I'm normal abt this 😌😌. Anyways ✨. Idk if you've seen my posts, but I have been freaking out abt the new opening since this morning adjkhgggkjggfdhjhg. I am so excited about next week. You are gonna be sick of me once the first episode drops I'm calling it now 😭😭💀. Anyways onto the actual important stuff. How was your vacation and holiday?? Good I hope?? How's the move to a03 coming along?? Again, I hope you feel better soon (Oliver sends his love from Italy ❤️❤️❤️)!!! Make sure not to overwork yourself and take care of yourself and rest okay love?? I really have missed you tho 🥹❤️. *sending all the virtual hugs and blankets and warm soup to you*

- ✨ anon

YES! I have returned !! I missed you too T.T , ahh its good to be back. ps. not only have i managed to fall sick... I uh... I twisted my ankle last night when I was celebrating new years. There was so much that happened last night, the dancing, hanging out with my roommates and last but not least. there were a lot of pretty boys at the club; but honestly, they were strutting around the place like some proud peacock and were intimidated by my height (yeah i was the tallest one last night with my three inched heels) and my calves are killing me rn; but totally worth it ✨ I SAW THE NEW TR OPENING! Pretty sure the fans are gonna crash the website; i wouldn't be surprised honestly- I am so looking forward to the new eps !! I read the latest chapter of bllk and... *sobbing cause no Oliver* Anyway, getting back to Tr; I am excited for the new season !! And i wanna see more of bonten and the shiba brothers arc, now i'm thinking if they're gonna introduce Nahoya and the whole baby of the family thing (cause the way i cooed when I was reading the manga) Girl. I saw you posted about Chainsawman !! And during vacay, we were passing by a bookstore... I uh... I ended up buying vol 4 with Aki as the cover. (i love it sm and i'm gonna treasure it even if I haven't reached that part yet) - the look i got cause the amount of profanities in there on opening one of the pages 😭 Vacay was fun, spent some time in the countryside and got a hold of new experiences that inspired me to re-write ruined rome (a project that i had started for Rin earlier on my blog) there was a cute guy on the bus who was watching rising shield hero i think? and i was busy watching one punch man cause i didn't get time to finish it, *sad cause i shoulda asked for his @ but i was really shy to talk to him and kinda disoriented cause of no sleep*

As for the move to ao3; I released the new chapter of Ocean hues and I'm working on a spotify playlist that you guys can play it when you read the series; hopefully you guys will enjoy it <3 speaking a bit and giving spoilers for the series; i included some of my dreams with Oliver (yes i am a simp and idc) And i have my oneshots saved in my draft, that will be getting posted as well... ao3 is getting fun for me cause i figured a way on using dividers and pictures. Not to mention even if ao3 does seem complicated its actually pretty easy to get by and i'm getting obsessed with alice in borderland- THE NEW SEASON IS FINALLY OUT! so i'm gonna be completing that and stone ocean's new eps (yes me likes JJBA. *likes jonathan, joseph and Jotaro*) And no bb ♡ i like seeing your rants on my dash and also. I. squealed at your Oliver drabble. Like i was walking around, stood for coffee before my flight at some 1 o clock in the morning and i saw this. And my gah- the way i was staring into my phone, I had a jolly good christmas and an early new year 😭 *busy working on a list of yandere wips and thinking the title to give my work*

*sending back hugs and wuv along with Bachira*

#belle.☏#.moot🍦: ✨ anon

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shinycollarboneapologist · 1 year

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okay let's be boring and go with ace as a name bc that's my nickname irl bc I'm a massive gilmore girls fan (team logan btw iykyk)!!

I really want to attempt writing fics but I'm wayyyy to nervous! I was okay at English in school and I always send obnoxiously long asks into blogs on here with my ideas based on their fics (sorry fellow tumblr.com authors you all get forced to see my writing) but I have nightmares of writing and putting it on here only to be bullied off the platform ahahahahah

jealous of the sun bathing in England rn its been pissing it down raining all dayyyyy, we only get like 1 week of sun a year and the rest of the time its very stereotypically rainy !! my day was shit but always better after taking to you bff!

also please excuse my excessive use of exclamation marks idk why but to me a full stop feels mean and I also use ellipsis way too much but I, like you, am the drama so I love to build unnecessary tension...

I've actually always wanted jury duty but I've never been called for it, I know it's meant to be so boring but I want to live my jury duty delusion of being a hot juror! a torrid jury love affair? hello I'd read that fic

spring break always sounded so fun to me as a sad English child!! we just call it Easter holidays and be boring and religious but when I hear spring break I imagine drunk people on a beach in florida yk?

my current obsessions for blogs are;

-lottiecrabie (pfms has me in a chokehold)

-toomuchracket (living in the flatmate! matty delusion rn)

-byyourside28 (loving the soft sound series as a person obsessed with getting tattoos)

-justlikemebutsixfootthree (literally all their smut is god tier)

-bookishstrawberry (fluffy and gizmo series has my heart)

-imightgetbetter (the whole love it if we made it series has me wanting children but only fictional ones with matty... the delusion creation is STRONG)

and OF COURSE the no 1 blog on tumblr is the beautiful, amazing and unmatched... shinycollorboneapologist

omg yes to only letting matty into our cottage to sing, we will bring him out tea and cigarettes but otherwise no rats allowed sorry ratthew!! taylor however gets the master suite with a 4 poster bed and unlimited pampering!! same with Ross, George and Adam bc only ratty needs humbling (I really do love you tho Matthew give me one chance I'll be your controversially young gf)

ily bff!!!

-ace (my new name rip illicit affairs anon you will be missed)

ps. apologies for the ridiculously long ask I literally am so obnoxious

..... i love gilmore girls. lets chat abt that.

okay that is very ... warranted. i also was super nervous and tbh ... style was probably never going to be posted but i was a bit inebriated after my birthday and just posted it without looking back. look at us now!!! so for that, i say you should 110% just take the leap. i will be your #1 fan actually.

i will send the sunshine and good vibes your way. i usually like the rain a lot, but i can imagine it gets a bit tiring if its like that all year long. im glad you had a good day!!!!

i love your use of exclamation points okay. there i said it. it just makes everything you say feel so excited and happy and i love it. the ellipses ...... love that for us. ofc you are the drama, you're the main character hello.

that is how i want my spring break to be, but alas i am working and writing my silly little stories for tumblr.com. SGLJFDLG easter holiday just sounds so cute though?

okay can we talk about pfms.... because that. that fic is my hyper fixation atm. like i just … it’s everything to me.

also all of those blogs i follow and love more than life itself. most of them axtually inspired me to write myself which is like 🫂 i use all of them as my silly little delusional daydreams (esp toomuchrackets flatmate!matty, the things i would do for that man and justlikemebutsixfootthree’s recent smut… jeez)

please you are too kind. idk abt no 1 blog BUT… i’ll take it okay.

maybe some cheese too, since he is a rat. taylor gets the master suite with us, we’ll bake her little cookies and biscuits and give her the best pampering treatment of her life. (also pls let’s not conjure matty to my blog … that would be so embarrassing to me i think i would keel over and die) (i also will fight u for the spot of matty’s controversially young gf)

ilysm and i hope u have a great day

#ace #rip to illicit affairs anon #u will be missed #ilysm bff

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magnoliamyrrh · 1 year

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just in case i don’t want to talk abt this any more tw incest u could just delete this

horrific n downright wrong. i wanna say u n everyone else includin that anon did not deserve this n the collective u deserves so much more but i am so grateful seein people talk abt this. i was raised w the extreme pressure that my gen was goin to break the cycle of that type of abuse n i have to come to terms that we didn’t n that’s ok at least to me. it’s so hard to admit to n so impactful to say out loud but it’s what has to b done. it a type of trauma that’s been in my fam for many many yrs n i gaslight myself into believin that we broke it. i stayed in denial n tbh still am in denial bcuz it’s so hard to blame a fam member. esp for me a girl n a teenage girl at that. this isn’t always the universal reaction so there is no guilt if this isn’t the case or if it is but u still luv them no matter what they did it’s so hard to blame them. but sexual abuse is sexual abuse. i hope to god every day that when i have children that will b when the cycle is broken n it all stops but i will never put the verbal pressure on them the way my parents did. one of them was a victim of smthn v extreme so i do not blame them (there it is again) but it’s torture to feel like u let them down when u did nothin wrong. admitting is always the first step to healin. i’m so proud of u for talkin abt this n that anon n everyone else.

ya! i think even though its uncomfortable as hell and disturbing its important that we talk about it. thank you <3 im proud of everyone who pitched in too, and of you, thank u for sharing; its really not easy. i dont think this is the sort of thing we can heal from individually, you know? especially when its a cultural thing. theres so much shame and fear and repression surrounding this kind of stuff, and the only way were gonna heal from it is if, like u said, well start accepting it and talking about it

and yea youre right it is really hard. like my father crossed any possible line with what he did and he abuses his wife too and. i really just want him dead like i dont give a damn, i have to try to calm myself bc i get too focused sometimes on how much i actually want him to suffer. but even with him at times im like,,,, ,, eh but i still care abt him? i went through a whole phase where i felt like it was my responsabilites to help him or like heal him from how deranged he is lmao. but it doesnt last long. but with everyone else its different. (?) like. i realized like idk a year ago that uh yea my grandma did lowkey molest me and it actually made me feel fucking insane. i had no idea what do with it and i still dont?? and its fucked and definitely not ok but like...,,, we all pretend like its fine or just didnt happen i guess bc its,, normal? acceptable??? its weird as all hell, most of the time i just kinda try to not think abt it because i have no idea how to even feel abt the woman when i do. if anything as much as it definitely kinda fucked me up, im frankly way more pissed abt the physical abuse/beatings and endless insults and yelling and shit - like that actually probably did more damage to me. but still like idk yea i .. idk if i excuse it but i definitely explain it like oh she didnt know better etc etc etc. but that doesnt.. ugh it doesnt excuse it?? but i still love her and care for her?? its a fucking nightmare to try to detangle all that. and the shit w my mom too and other family members like uh yea it grosses me out and definitely got to me, this combination of being raised as property + controlling parents + sexualized + actually being whored out by father has k.o.d whatever mental sanity i could have had and it took me many years to.... idk. even start remotely working through all that. but. i still care abt them...?? i think the fact that its no longer happening and dont rly consider it on the same level as the shit w my dad makes it kinda different in my head but its still not fucking ok

and yea. definitely one of the hardest parts of it is being blamed for being uncomfortable/grossed out or even punished for being so when rly thats such a normal reaction to have to this shit. it is psychologically torturous and it is gaslighting and it rly fucks u up in the head..... and its really hard to get to the point where u dont feel like u did anything wrong or you werent to blame. i do presume that w this particular kind of shit tho a lot of it is that they probably went through similar stuff, internalized and repressed it, never dealt w it, and then just proceed to do the same

i hope to god too ill be different. i want to believe in both of us and this new generation that we'll do a better job. i think the fact that were even talking abt it shows some progress u kno. my mother and grandmother told me for many years that i wont do a better job than them and its just normal for kids to be raised w beatings and yelling and insults and controlling behavior and all that shit,,,, but. ive always been terrified of that. since i was little i knew if i ever had a kid i wouldnt want to put them through any of this. if i cant break the cycle id rather not raise a kid at all. at least for the past like year or two my mother has actually accepted that some of the shit she did wasnt okay and that she was abused by my grandmother too and..... apologized??? which was insane. so. idk. its been a long and weird fucking process. but. i dont think its hopeless

#lmao speaking of mommy issues #god so many of us are so fucked up huh

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