#but she has absolutely none of the socialization that normally goes into raising a child

[words-writ-in-starlight]

I'm in love with your tags about Logan and Trans!Laura, just,,,, so you know I appreciate your tag stories!!!!!

anonymous said:

I would absolutely love it if you wrote some trans Laura content tbh. Even just your tag essay made me feel some kind of emotions

The original tag essay is here, and I’m operating in a functional AU of this thing I wrote one time, but that doesn’t matter unless you want the deleted scene of Laura trying to take Logan’s head off.

X-23 is one of thirteen…brothers, for lack of a better word.  The lab staff call them brothers, a little tongue-in-cheek, and X-23 learns to hate the word, learns the taste of being called brother like the taste of blood, learns it as thing and copy and weapon.  All of them do, but X-23 hates it the most.  

X-23′s brothers die one at a time–some of natural causes.  There were ten of them who never made it out of the ex vitro tanks, and X-14 dies at a year, X-11 at nineteen months, X-19 at three years, X-17 at five.  X-13 falls during training and the three broken ribs ‘heal’ straight into lung tissue, and the doctors usher the rest of them away.  X-13 never comes back from the medical bay, and neither do X-15, X-12, or X-22–broken leg, crushed hand, and cracked skull, in order.  Healed to death.

When X-23 comes looking for X-22, there’s a doctor sitting alone in an office with her hands clutched so tight the knuckles are bleached.  X-23 has always been a wanderer, more than the other brothers, and given to getting into trouble, often punished and all the more furious for it.

The doctor looks up when the door opens and scrubs the back of one hand over her face.

“Where’s X-22,” X-23 says flatly, and the doctor comes over to crouch down, on eye level.  X-23 is short.  They’re all short.

“I’m really sorry,” the doctor says, and she sounds sincere, her eyes red and her scent washed with something X-23 doesn’t recognize.  “He–he died, Veintitres.  We did everything we could to save him.”

If it was any other doctor, X-23 would snarl and storm off, retreat to the others.  They’re never reprimanded for their tempers, only for disobedience.

This doctor, though.  This is the nicest doctor.  She never wears anything that makes them sneeze, and she brings chocolates when they have to get blood drawn, and she never told a soul when X-23 carefully removed one of her earrings, a plain silver hoop on X-23′s palm.  X-23 gave it back, but–

“Pretty,” X-23 says dully, reaching out to touch one of the hoops.  “He liked them too.”

The doctor’s eyes spill over and that smell pours off her skin as she carefully–very carefully, there are limits even for the nicest doctor–wraps one arm around X-23.

“Come on.  Let’s take you back to your brothers.”

There are five of them who make it to ten years old–X-16, X-18, X-20, X-21, and X-23.

There is one of them who makes it to ten years and one day.

X-23 doesn’t have any brothers anymore, just heavy bones and anger.  The word brother is less dirty now that they’re all gone.

“What do we do with him?” X-23 hears a lab tech ask nervously as the newly silvered claws rip through another bed frame.  X-23 has destroyed two so far.  They’re an effort–metal frames intended to survive their rough treatment–but the claws are stronger.

X-23 hears him and thinks hate and decides then and there that she will be something else.

She destroys the fifth bed frame–she’ll sleep on the ground before she takes one of her brothers’ beds, and they never kept track of whose was whose, same scents, same bodies, same everything–and she stands there and looks at her new claws.  They’re brighter silver than the nicest doctor’s earrings, but bloody.

The nicest doctor disappeared last year, after X-22 died.

She sheathes her claws and storms out of the room and past the lab tech without a word.  She is a thing and a weapon and the last X clone and she will keep the secret that she is not him until they kill her, too.

X-23 is fourteen and terrifying when she hears that they’re thinking about doing a new set of clones.

She burns down the lab three days later and leaves with nothing but her tactical uniform.  She steals a hat when she realizes that her buzzed hair is drawing attention, and breaks into a library to google Wolverine based on a slip from a doctor, and starts walking north east.  

Her hair grows fast.  It reaches chin length and keeps going, scruffy and wild, and she takes off her hat one day and shakes it out in a house she broke into, and her face starts to ache.  X-23 puts both hands up to her cheeks and tracks out the smile in surprise, and gives her head another shake, and her hair, freshly cleaned with someone else’s drug store shampoo, tickles her shoulders and her cheeks like the glint of light on silver earrings.

She stops wearing the hat the first day someone sees her hair and calls her miss with the kind of bow you sweep to little kids.  She forgets to snarl at them.

X-23 is halfway through walking from Mexico to New York when she gets asked what her name is, where her parents are.

“I don’t have any parents,” she tells the man in the uniform, squinting suspiciously at him.  He’s crouched down, well outside arm’s length, but she’s thinking about whether she can put a claw through his hand before he can grab her anyway.

“Okay,” he says calmly.  “What’s your name, honey?”

Weapons don’t have names.

She runs before he can stop her.

When she reaches New York, and Westchester, she has a good old try at taking Weapon X’s head off.

It doesn’t work.

So when she’s done screaming wordless rage into his chest, and Weapon X is done deducing how she got there, they sit side-by-side on the ground and X-23 tries to imitate the way he clasps his arms loosely around his knees.  It feels natural, supports the weight of the adamantium in her arms without effort, and she scowls at him when he notices.

“So, kid,” he says after a few minutes.  “You said there were twenty-three of you, right?”

She nods stiffly.  “All the rest of them are dead.  They were going to make more brothers, but I stopped them.”

“Good,” Weapon X says grimly.  “If I’d known, kid, I’d have done something for you and your brothers.  You did good.”

“Do you have brothers, Weapon X?”

“No idea,” he says with a shrug.  “Don’t remember much before the experiments.  You call me Weapon X again,” he goes on in the same equal tone, “I’m gonna leave you out here.  My name’s Logan, kid.  You got a name yet, or haven’t you got that far?”

“They didn’t give us names.”

“Weapons don’t get names,” Weapon X choruses with her, and he sighs.  “Well, you gotta have a name, I’m not callin’ you Twenty-three.”

“Sometimes they called me Veintitres.”

“That’s just ‘twenty-three’ in Spanish, kid, nice try.  Uh.”  He scrubs both hands back through his hair and laces them behind his neck.  “I’m shit at this.  Stole my name off a movie poster.  You seen any you liked?”

X-23 thinks about it.  She’s seen movie posters.  Most of the names are either desperately boring, like Tom, or unfamiliar and unpronounceable, like Charlize, and she doesn’t really know what she’s supposed to look for.

She remembers a poster of a woman with earrings, and the old black and white ink didn’t make them glitter any less.  She didn’t see the woman’s name, but she remembers the title.

“Laura,” she says.

Weapon X blinks at her for a moment.  “Nice name,” he says at last.  “Don’t think I asked, kid. You a boy or a girl?”

“I’m a clone.”

He actually grins at that.  “Yeah, I got that.  But, uh, you like he or she?”

X-23 stares at him and thinks.  She’s kept this secret, this sole scrap of a person under all the metal, for four years, give or take a few months.  But Weapon X gave up his name to her without even hesitating, didn’t lay a hand on her except for a few bruises that are already healing, isn’t even fidgeting while she studies him, just letting her look her fill.

“She,” X-23 says firmly.  

“Okay,” Weapon X says, and unfolds himself with a sigh.  He’s short, she notices.  He offers her a hand and catches her wrist and pulls her to her feet, then drops a hand firmly on her shoulder and steers her out of the woods.  “Let’s go get some lunch, Laura.”

#xmen #x23 #laura kinney #wolverine #logan #dadverine #smolverine #trans smolverine #starlight writes stuff #today on 'gender fuckery i enjoy' #laura doesn't really...get it #like #she understands gender enough to say that she's a girl #but she has absolutely none of the socialization that normally goes into raising a child #she thinks of 'brother' as sort of a synonym for 'clone-weapon-thing' and of 'boy/girl' as secondary to being 'clone-weapon-thing' #it basically never occurs to her until logan asks that it matters whether she's a boy or a girl #and she still thinks of 'brother' as...a slur on someone's humanity more or less #some dude tells her they think of her like a sister and she's like 'yes i also think of you like a sister' #and they're like 'no i'd be your brother' and she gets angry about it #and of course logan has seen weirder shit than this so okay whatever kid anything you want #you want to name yourself after an old murder mystery? logan ain't got shit to say #you want to be a girl? dope logan wants to be a human being you can get there together #you want to be a real kid who goes to school and shit? logan's gonna get you some fake papers #(logan's papers are also fake he's on like his eighth set) #(laura suggests the last name 'logan' and he shuts her down immediately and tells her to pick a name that's all hers) #(she remembers vaguely the name on the nicest doctor's id card and writes down her best guess) #(it was not...close) #(but laura likes the way 'laura kinney' rolls off the tongue so she's going to keep it) #idiot teenagers with a queue #bonegoblin

[heavencollins]

Top 10 Films of 2020: Part Two

And the last five of my top ten are...

5: Unpregnant, directed by Rachel Goldenberg and written by Rachel Goldenberg, Jennifer Kaytin Robinson, Jenni Hendriks, Ted Caplan, and Bill Parker.

This HBO Max Original was the tipping point for me actually purchasing HBO Max, and I haven’t regretted it since.  Starring two absolute queens, Barbie Ferriera and Haley Lu Richardson, Unpregnant tells the story of a teenage girl who finds herself in a situation she wants nothing to do with: pregnancy.  Her boyfriend informs her that the condom broke a few weeks ago but he didn’t tell her, which is fucked up in it’s own right, but that they should keep the baby and raise it and get married.  Veronica, played by Richardson, quickly says no and runs to her old friend’s house; Bailey, played by Ferriera.  Veronica learned that you cannot access abortions in her state without parental consent, so she makes a plan to roadtrip to New Mexico from Missouri to get an abortion that should be a human right.

Veronica and Bailey have been estranged for years, as Veronica became popular and Bailey fell into the realm of introvert, pothead, and nerd.  But Bailey misses their friendship, and says yes to going on this road trip because she knows they’ll have time to grow close again.  Throughout the road trip, the girls reminisce and become closer than they have before; Bailey revealing her sexuality, Veronica facing the reality of her shitty relationship and not-great friends, and the fact that chosen family is often better than real family.  

The film is aggressively pro-choice and feminist, but also is a feel-great movie, not just good, but great.  it made me both laugh and cry, as well as cheer on both characters.  There’s a lot of really, really, really wholesome narrative within this and it’s a film targeted at teens for teens.  It shows what a healthy relationship is and that no matter how different your best friend is from you, you’ll still have the same connection as always.  I love this one.  

4: Saint Frances, directed by Alex Thompson and written by Kelly O’Sullivan.

One of my favorite facts about this film is that the lead star wrote it, and she works as a team with the director, Alex Thompson, and is partners with him in life as well.  Saint Frances focuses on a 30-something woman named Bridget who finds herself with no set path in life.  She’s childless, sleeping around, has no real career other than waitressing, and doesn’t know what she wants to do with herself.  Her friend recommends her as a nanny to a lesbian couple around her age who are having their second kid and need help with their six year old daughter, Frances.  

Shortly before starting her job as Frances’ nanny, Bridget undergoes an abortion via pill, which means you bleed in the safety of your home and get to do it outside of the medical appointment.  This plays heavily into the plot, as her periods end up being heavier than ever throughout the rest of the film and it becomes a slight joke between all of the characters.  It also shows how little Bridget really cares for her own health, as she doesn’t think to go to the doctors at all and that it’s totally normal.  

Frances helps Bridget grow up, as well as bringing her two mom’s together after the birth mother of the newborn suffers from extreme post-partum depression.  Bridget and Frances end up becoming best friends, and it’s a truly touching film that feels like a home, if that makes sense.  I could watch this again and again and never get sick of it.  O’Sullivan and Thompson are a fantastic writer-director team.

3: Shirley, directed by Josephine Decker and written by Sarah Gubbins and Susan Scarf Merrell.

A movie about one of the greatest horror novelists and short story writers of all time set in Vermont starring Elisabeth Moss?  Alright, I’m in.  Shirley held very tightly in the number one spot until just this month, because it was that good.  Moss plays Shirley Jackson, the horror writer we all know and love, and there’s something haunting about her.

While the story is highly fictionalized, with two characters being completely made up (the young couple played by Odessa Young and Logan Lerman), the film takes place right after Jackson published The Lottery and as she’s writing her next novel.  Her husband, Stanley Hyman (played by Michael Stuhlbarg), is a professor at Bennington College and Jackson finds herself shying away from the stereotypical role of a faculty wife.  She’s aloof, callous, straight up rude to the other wives and prefers to spend her time alone in her room, writing.  Hyman prefers to cheat on her with younger woman and yell at Jackson for not being more social.  This is most likely true to real life.

The young couple work as a mirror for Jackson, people she can project her novel onto and try to see how it will play out.  It’s reflective of her writing style.  This story is told with lavish cinematography and a score that reminds you of wind whipping between the trees, one of the best scores I’ve ever heard, actually, and it’s just lovely.  Despite being mainly fictionalized with some truth sprinkled in, it’s by far Decker’s most palatable work for a wide audience (though I loved Madeline’s Madeline).  I highly recommend this one to anyone.

2. Never Rarely Sometimes Always, directed and written by Eliza Hittman.

I’ve loved every single film that Hittman has put out, but this one is especially poignant in the current political climate.  Abortions should be widely available, but sadly they aren’t and often teenagers have to travel to other state’s to have to have their procedure done without putting themselves in danger by telling their parents.  

In Never Rarely Sometimes Always, two cousins go on a trip to New York City to procure an abortion procedure, not informing their parents beforehand.  Except nothing goes to plan; they end up having to sleep in strange places, use all of their savings, and even steal portions of money from the grocery store they both work at.  This film is quiet, sad, and real.  

Perhaps the best scene in this is when the title comes into play.  Anybody who has been to a physical appointment knows the questions they ask, but it’s especially nerve wracking when your body is at risk for something.  The nurse asks questions, stating never, rarely, sometimes, or always after each.  Skylar, played by Talia Ryder, starts to hesitate as the questions get more and more personal.  And then she finally breaks down.  It’s overwhelming and scary and she’s finally vulnerable for the first time in this entire movie.  

While Unpregnant and Saint Frances provide more witty and funny tales about abortion and unwanted pregnancies, Never Rarely Sometimes Always gives a dark and gritty tale of what having no help in those situations can look like, ultimately putting yourself in the most dangerous situations possible to make the right choice for yourself.  

1: Swallow, directed and written by Carlo Mirabella-Davis.

I don’t want to say much of this film because it’s something you truly have to experience.  Hunter, a woman who finds herself pregnant with her rich husband’s child, finds herself having what can only be called abnormal food cravings.  Except, what she eats isn’t necessarily food—she suffers from an extreme form of pica, causing her to eat everything from marbles to staples to little figurines.  She proudly displays her collection on her desk, cleaning them off meticulously once she passes them.  It’s a horror film but the horror isn’t necessarily in what she eats, it’s how she’s treated.

In fact, her eating habits are the one thing she has control over in her life until even that’s taken away from her.  Her husband’s family doesn’t care about her—only the fetus she’s carrying.  It’s a really good representation of an abusive husband that you don’t often see, because none of the abuse is physical, rather, emotional.  

I can’t say anymore because then I’d be spoiling—all I have to say is go watch it.  Please.  It’s so amazing. 

#films #top ten #2020 #swallow #never rarely sometimes always #eliza hittman #unpregnant #saint frances #shirley #elisabeth moss #film review #review

[mouthtrashworld]

HEAR ME OUT: PARIS HILTON INSPIRED ME TO GO TO ART SCHOOL

HEAR ME OUT: PARIS HILTON INSPIRED ME TO GO TO ART SCHOOL AND BECOME A FILMMAKER.

My sister and I played it cool until my parents dark purple grand caravan left the driveway. We knew we had to conceal our excitement of being home alone for a few hours in order to not seem suspicious. It was our chance to watch whatever trash was on television that day without the normal censorship our parents had set on us. My mother strived to win the gold medal for being a helicopter parent and my dad just agreed with whatever she said. Somehow we were always a step ahead of them. There was a vast lack of communication within my household which lead me to crave answers and sneak around to get them.

We really made a day of it. We pulled our big fluffy comforters off our beds and brought them to the couch, gathered every unhealthy snack from our cabinet (which was difficult as my mother kept a strict, low carb, low sodium, no sugar menu to chose from in our house) and hung heavy blankets over the windows to block out the glare on the 30 inch Panasonic VHS combo unit. My older sister, Cate, had control over the remote, she knew which channel number MTV played on and she memorized the Parental Control Password that was set on various channels that aired the exact rubbish it was to protect us from, but quickly became our favorite shows. At the time I didn’t even really know how Cate found out these shows existed. Our amount of media consumption was little to none. Living in a tiny town in Pennsylvania, attending private Christian school and hardly having a social life; our only connection to whats out there

would be the local blockbuster that my mother skirted us in and then quickly out of after renting wholesome family movies. I remember slipping away from my moms watch just long enough to find the “1 Night in Paris” sex tape DVD that was made in 2004 with Rick Salomon (who by the way has been married to Pamela Anderson TWICE!) and Paris Hilton as the star. A few years later, The Simple Life, featuring Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie became a huge success for Fox and was later taken over by E! network. The glimpse of the DVD cover was so scandalous I felt guilty just for looking at it. We were a few years late, really just catching the reruns of the show that E!, MTV or VH1 would play during the middle of the day, but we ate it up nonetheless.

The first episode I ever watched was on Season 5. The two girls become camp counselors and every week a different theme and set of campers come in to encounter their shenanigans. This episode was “Fat Camp” and the first order of business was for Paris and Nicole to give the campers enema’s before they start their week of dieting and exercise. It was absolutely ridiculous. I felt bad that these campers who fell victim to their bratty comments, yet my sister and I couldn’t take our eyes off it. Reality TV works in that way you know, where you feel bad, but not bad enough because its not your life.

Soon Cate and I started adding other reality shows to our pallet of rebellion. The Girls Next Door, a reality show about Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends living in the Playboy Mansion. Real World Cancun, AKA Jersey Shore before there was Jersey Shore. And of course The Hills where Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag live it up in Orange County, a place I

thought was made up until I visited there in 2014. But the Simple Life remained my favorite of them all. But Paris Hilton was my first glimpse of glamour, so she always remained my favorite. Granted, Kim Kardashian has seemed to surpass her on many levels after starting out as her intern. And sure maybe Paris is an heiress who will never run out of money or resources and people behind her, producing her, but Miss Hilton found a savvy way to brand herself right at the pinnicale of the internet and she still had to work for it. As a filmmaker I am hyper aware of the way we consume media, which is why I’ve taken such an interest to Paris and this manipulation she had turned into an art form.

Before we go on, in case you don’t know how Paris got famous, I’m here to give you a brief backstory. Paris Hilton, heiress to the Hilton Hotels empire, was actually raised a lot like me. Her parents were strict. She wasn’t allowed to wear makeup or have much of a social life. I believe her parents knew what kind of name she bared and the harsh reality that could come with it, so they kept her on a tight leash. Despite their efforts to keep her tame she slipped away, out into the world long enough to meet famous photographer David LaChapelle, who became enamored with Paris and her sister Nicky, and insisting he take their photo. She knew it was highly against her parents rules to engage in that kind of activity but she went for it. He designed an elaborate set and costumes for them and they went ahead naively thinking the photos would be just for them to admire in private but were later were published in a 2001 Vanity Fair issue, getting her in a whole lot of trouble. She later had to turn down and offer to do Playboy because her parents would disinherit her. By the time she was 18 her career as a model

and professional partier could really take off. Paris became absolutely obsessed with fame. She came up with a formulated routine on how to grab the paparazzi’s attention. She would find all the places photographers would be hanging out that day and go to every single location just to be seen and her plan really seemed to work. She was the bright and shining star of every tabloid in America. She describes in the documentary film, “American Meme” how desperate she was, spending hours searching for a place with someone, anyone to take her picture no matter what it took. Her paparazzi access seemed responsible for Paris to become a household name. — add on?

We have to remember that this time, 2007-2009, was a turning point, as smart phones and blackberries were now in almost every American’s pocket and we were craving the tea more than ever. Tabloids started working around the clock to deliver us the latest scoop at the now possible all hours of the day; i.e. the tragedies of Amy Whinehouse, LiLo and her drug escapades, Britney Spears and her hairless melt down, the list goes on. We asked for it, we got it and kept asking for more. After Paris sought out these outlets, the offers poured in. Her own show, movie roles, modeling for brand name designers, she became a DJ, became an author, a business woman, a fashion designer she owns hotels in Dubai and is currently carrying a hefty 10.5 million instagram follower count.

I know what you’re thinking, like okay so who cares about this rich “bimbo” (dubbed courtesy of a New York Post article circa 2007) but just hear me out. Most of us can relate to her story and if not, at least to some of her tactics. What I grew to realize after becoming social media obsessed (possibly because I was deprived as a child) is that

no matter how information changes or what new technology comes to pass it along to us, we will always be doing it in the same way. I watched Myspace come and pass, seeing thousands of singers, bands and actresses get discovered through that site, even some playmates in Playboy magazine. I saw Facebook allow us to put every single thing about our lives on blast at any minute of the day. Twitter allows us to barf our thoughts up in once 180, now 280 characters, Vine stars made 6 seconds videos and now make 6 figures from their fame and last but not least Instagram, and trust me when I say I cringe having to say this, “influencers” sell to us with every photo or video they post. Whether that be a lifestyle, a product or just themselves as a person. A vast majority of us have to admit that we are drinking the juice. We ourselves are partaking in marketing our “best life” being lived via Instagram. So ask yourself, what is the difference between what we are doing on the Gram versus what Paris was doing in 2006, showcasing her persona to the media in the only way it was accessible at the time? Why not manipulate it the same way it manipulates us? Find out where the quote on quote Paparazzi are and market yourself the same way reality stars did.

Not that I have the intention to come up in the same way some of these heiresses who’s names are already famous or these vine stars or twitter comedians did but I have the power to show a portion of the world who I am and what I can do to earn my career as a filmmaker and communicator via social media.

I realized that what I was doing as a little kid, waiting for my parents to leave to seek a world outside my own is exactly what Paris did. She took the risk and got the answers.

Her obsession with fame coincided with my obsession with social media, to communicate and or get my work out there. I’m just trying to work system to brand myself. My research shows that the reality show we down load from an app store and place in our pockets has led me to some big wins. Upon getting hired for shoots or my work recognized in some way, I see there is a formula to the entire thing. When to post, how to post, who to follow, etc. I have no producers behind me to curate my Instagram, I have no connection to someone with a big name. All I have is myself to show for what I can do and if I keep going back to the place with the most access to the loudest voices , like Paris did I may have a shot at getting my own voice out there and I will say more important things than “thats hot” I promise you.

In the end I think that the reason I clung to Paris and her story so deeply was because it was virtually first and foremost example I had and to as impressionable young woman, that kind of thing sticks. The definition of success and how to obtain it was taught to me was by sneaking her show on a Saturday afternoon while my parents when to Shop Rite without me. I’ve just stayed observing all the ways fame has developed via internet and can lead to success. But the beauty of the defying gravity factor is that this blond “bimbo” and many other “bimbos” like her have done the same thing, most without the Hilton name. All I did was think twice before I believed that reality television was just a trashy phase. Instead I realized that I, like many others, am still consuming similar content in 2009 now in 2019, the difference is its in the palm of my hand and I’m deciding to take advantage of it.

#y2k #paris hilton #nicole richie #new york post #early 2000s #early 2000s fashion #90s fashion #90s nostalgia #90s kid #90s #the simple life #kim kardashian #kylie jenner #art school #pratt #pratt institute #blog post #art blog #journalism #cultural commentary #social commentary #new york #brooklyn #la #los angeles #nyc #photography #disposable camera

[edenkept]

❛                      NOW    I    KNOW    IT’S    NOT    YOU    ,    but    me    that    i'll    love    a    little    more    .

wish    i    could    use    emojis    to    express    how    i    feel    ,    but    jus    know    that    for    the    entire    day    that    ONE    PART    in    roman    holiday    has    been    playing    in    my    head    on    repeat    &    i    ?    couldn’t    turn    it    off    .    anyway    ,    my    intros    r    usually    super    long    SO    i    tried    to    keep    it    -    how    u    say    -    condensed    this    time    .    but    i’m    so    excited    &    i    am    so    hyped    to    write    w    all    of    u    !  @opalsmedia

LINKS    :    google    doc    /    pinterest     /    spotify    /    tik    tok    compilation

𝑭𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑨𝑴𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑨𝑳𝑺

full  name  :  baek  ye  -  seul

nickname(s)  /  alias(es)  :  eden  park  (  english  name  )

age  /  dob  :  twenty  one  /  march  3  ‘99

hometown  :  seoul  ,  south  korea

current  location  :  guildford  ,  england

ethnicity  :  korean

nationality  :  english  -  south  korean

gender  :  cis  female

pronouns  :  she  /  her

orientation  :  pansexual  ,  grayromantic

religion  :  agnostic  ,  raised  catholic

face  claim  :  jung  chaeyeon

language(s)  spoken  :  korean  ,  mandarin  ,  cantonese  ,  english  ,  some  french

speech  :  english  is  her  first  language  -  seven  years  spent  in  london  before  being  whisked  away  to  another  world  ,  she’s  still  got  a  hold  on  a  formal  accent  -  though  ,  doesn’t  sound  completely  english  or  american  ,  some  ambiguous  mixture  of  someone  who’s  practiced  the  language  with  someone  who  isn’t  a  complete  expert  .  all  being  said  ,  she’s  enchanting  enough  to  fool  even  the  wisest  into  listening  -  schemes  flinging  from  parted  lips  that  garner  attention  ,  though  often  what  follows  is  informal  &  laced  with  sour  intentions  .

hair  :  naturally  dark  ,  so  dark  its  comparable  to  a  moonless  sky  ,  though  ,  in  the  summer  &  constant  sunlight  it’s  known  to  lighten  (  just  -  barely  )  .  kept  just  past  her  shoulder  blades  ,  her  hair  is  naturally  straight  (  barely  wavy  )  &  not  often  styled  .  healthy  &  thick  ,  requires  little  uptake  at  current  length  ,  so  it’s  common  to  see  it  all  down  -  at  most  ,  will  be  swept  up  into  a  messy  up  -  do  to  be  kept  out  of  her  face  when  doing  something  important  .  entirely  effortless  ,  her  hair  is  often  the  least  of  her  worries  .

eyes  :  quite  the  defining  feature  ,  her  eyes  are  sharp  &  cat  like�� .  the  same  color  of  the  earth  after  an  unforgiving  rain  storm  ,  it’s  easy  to  see  past  a  confident  exo  -  skeleton  to  see  the  unresolved  pain  in  her  eyes  .  holders  of  wisdom  &  excitement  ,  there’s  a  lot  of  sadness  that  reside  in  her  hues  -  a  lone  survivor  in  an  unheard  war  ,  she  doesn’t  let  enough  people  close  enough  to  ever  let  them  see  it  .  instead  ,  it’s  more  often  found  to  catch  her  sending  a  glimpse  from  over  the  edge  of  a  book  -  sly  &  clever  .

height  :  five  feet  ,  five  inches

build  :  athletic  ,  with  toned  limbs  &  a  toned  torso  .

tattoos  :  none  .

piercings  :  only  earlobes  .

scars  :  easily  hidden  ,  a  small  two  centimetre  scar  on  the  inside  of  her  right  wrist  ,  just  below  the  fleshy  part  of  her  palm  .  when  asked  ,  the  consistent  story  is  an  accident  when  moving  in  with  her  adopted  parents  -  a  child  throwing  a  tantrum  &  getting  themselves  hurt  .  nobody  knows  the  real  story  ,  she  doesn’t  seem  keen  on  sharing  .

clothing  style  :  academia  aesthetic  ,  she  surrounds  herself  with  like  minded  women  who’ve  the  same  ideals  &  personalities  .  distinguishable  by  their  clothing  ,  carefully  smoothed  high  waisted  a  -  line  skirts  ,  high  turtlenecks  &  long  coats  over  black  tights  .  looks  sophisticated  enough  to  have  a  butler  (  which  ,  she  does  )  but  intellectual  enough  to  debate  her  professor  (  which  ,  she  often  does  )  .

usual  expression  :  like  she  knows  too  much  ,  as  if  she’s  seen  too  much  &  she’ll  use  it  to  her  advantage  .  with  the  constant  curve  of  her  lips  &  the  glint  that’s  always  present  in  her  eyes  ,  she  always  looks  as  if  she’s  about  to  cause  as  much  trouble  .  devil’s  advocate  ,  it  wouldn’t  be  too  far  off  for  her  to  be  minutes  away  from  stirring  the  pot  .

distinguishing  characteristics  :  her  fleeting  laugh  -  it  catches  your  ear  as  she  passes  you  in  the  corridor  ,  always  red  nails  ;  deep  in  color  ,  it  matches  the  shade  of  blood  ,  a  walk  that  demands  attention  -  it  exudes  an  aura  of  importance  ,  cat  like  eyes  that  always  look  like  they’ve  caught  you  doing  something  you  aren’t  supposed  to  be  doing  .

𝑹𝑼𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺

exterior   :  ethereal  ,  she  holds  herself  to  an  impossibly  high  standard  that  everyone  can  see  .  is  it  intentional  ?  the  looks  sent  over  her  shoulders  ,  how  she  parts  the  halls  to  reach  a  friend  -  no  .  a  normal  girl  from  a  normal  world  ,  she’s  sat  in  the  front  of  the  lecture  hall  making  eye  contact  with  the  instructors  ;  the  kind  of  classmate  who  learns  everyone’s  (  everyone’s  )  name  &  collects  numbers  in  a  well  worn  notebook  to  send  out  guides  &  make  friends  .  even  if  you  don’t  know  eden  ,  you  know  of  eden  -  the  life  of  the  party  who  always  arrives  with  glowing  skin  &  a  passionate  argument  to  have  in  the  kitchen  .  elite  ,  the  rumors  of  a  heaven  fallen  girl  wrap  around  her  with  the  moonlight  (  her  journal  left  in  the  library  ,  she’s  god  chosen  )  -  passionate  ,  with  the  fires  of   both  heaven  &  hell  wrapped  in  her  .  almost  normal  (  not  quite  )  ,  the  kind  of  girl  to  greet  everyone  by  name  while  running  through  almost  empty  corridors  -  she  tugs  a  lifetime  of  sorrow  behind  her  ,  hides  it  behind  ambition  &  blind  loyalty  .

interior   :  war  torn  ,  a  victim  of  poison  dipped  claws  &  a  dip  into  the  river  styx  .  her  mind  doesn’t  match  her  body  ,  stuck  in  between  the  pages  of  a  grand  journey  where  she  views  the  world  as  a  story  .  a  punishment  for  early  childhood  ,  penance  has  been  found  in  intricate  metaphors  that  don’t  match  the  sharp  callousness  that  falls  from  her  lips  .  lost  in  a  universe  where  she’s  half  god  ,  half  devil  &  her  enemies  are  heaven  -  bound  ,  she  pushes  it  all  down  to  pass  as  normal  .  a  normal  girl  ,  with  normal  goals  &  normal  roles  .  poetry  in  her  dreams  ,  written  down  on  hidden  yellow  pages  that  aren’t  meant  to  be  seen  by  the  ordinary  .  found  hidden  away  in  locked  boxes  are  journeys  &  important  figures  that  only  her  mind  understands  ;  a  gaping  scar  in  her  life  that  she’ll  never  rid  herself  of  .

𝑪𝑯𝑹𝑶𝑵𝑰𝑪𝑳𝑬

this  is  NOT  gna  be  pretty  i  spent  too  many  brain  cells  on  my  app  .

TRIGGER  WARNINGS  :  abuse  

there’s  an  email  from  doctor  seong  ;  it  reads  of  baek  ye  seul  &  important  things  to  note  before  a  first  session  with  her  .  irreversibly  traumatized  from  early  childhood  captivity  &  abuse  ,  she’s  learned  to  cope  by  transforming  her  life  into  an  intricately  weaved  story  .  each  significant  figure  in  her  life  has  a  title  ,  an  assigned  metaphor  &  character  -  though  ,  outwardly  ,  she’ll  show  no  signs  of  trauma  .  in  fact  ,  the  opposite  -  she  shows  tremendous  progress  in  her  personal  life  ,  easygoing  with  peers  ,  approachable  &  passionate  -  keep  an  eye  on  her  movements  ,  if  anything  internal  ever  goes  external  ,  it’s  a  dangerous  sign  .

a  file  left  open  on  an  agent  prothero’s  office  -  MI6  stamped  &  redacted  but  he  knows  the  story  by  heart  .  poor  eden  ,  left  in  the  hands  of  a  capable  agent  that  chose  a  target  over  her  own  country  .  the  product  of  a  traitor  &  a  criminal  ,  whereabouts  were  unknown  for  the  first  six  years  of  her  life  ;  but  through  extensive  therapy  &  decoding  childish  messages  ,  he’s  learned  enough  to  swear  to  always  keep  an  eye  on  her  .  held  captive  on  a  london  penthouse  ,  had  her  life  threatened  &  well  being  always  held  just  out  of  reach  while  her  mother  &  father  stayed  hidden  .  not  much  else  is  known  ,  no  specifics  ,  just  one  instance  -  she  drowned  ,  almost  ,  she  says  .  held  under  ,  he  can  still  remember  her  asking  what  the  most  peaceful  way  to  die  is  .  he  sends  her  to  partners  in  south  korea  ,  people  who  want  a  daughter  &  promise  to  raise  her  the  best  they  can  .

pour  over  comments  left  on  old  social  media  pages  ,  she’s  a  hit  in  her  new  life  .  sheds  her  english  name  as  quickly  as  she  received  it  &  thrives  overseas  while  growing  into  a  formidable  woman  .  she’s  intelligent  (  reminds  someone  of  a  mother  who  had  it  all  once  )  ,  sharp  &  witty  .  filled  with  enough  passion  to  light  a  palace  ablaze  ,  she  strives  for  greatness  &  settles  for  absolutely  nothing  .  always  equipped  with  a  plan  &  a  way  ,  she  gets  everything  she  wants  (  &  she  always  earns  it  ,  there  isn’t  a  single  unearned  trophy  on  her  shelf  )  .  either  loved  or  despised  ,  she  shines  as  bright  as  stars  that  are  millions  of  light  years away  from  earth  .

in  her  planner  ,  an  acceptance  letter  carefully  pressed  &  laminated  .  someone  told  her  she’d  never  get  in  ,  but  she  sits  on  campus  &  smiles  -  she’s  capable  of  doing  anything  she  wants  .  next  to  the  letter  is  an  unblemished  business  card  .  agent  prothero  ,  who  found  her  ,  gave  her  the  means  to  burn  everything  down  -  he  hands  her  a  promise  &  information  that  always  swims  around  her  head  .  her  parents  aren’t  dead  ,  kept  hidden  by  everyone  in  her  life  ,  they’re  still  kicking  &  on  the  run  .  a  goal  formulated  as  he  reminds  her  to  finish  her  schooling  -  there’s  the  same  glint  in  his  eye  that  she  often  sees  in  the  mirror  -  a  promise  made  to  finish  &  return  .  some  people  deserve  a  downfall  ,  her  mother’s  will  be  her  .

𝑪𝑶���𝑬𝑻𝑬𝑫

throuple  /  trio    :    hee  hee  ,  as  explained  in  my  app  ,  jus  three  prodigies  who  get  along  so  well  that  they’re  jus  the  best  of  friends  .  kindred  spirits  ,  always  found  together  ,  wearing  complimenting  colors  while  they  try  not  to  laugh  to  hard  in  the  library  over  something  rly  stupid  .  they  hold  hands  while  walking  through  hidden  corridors  &  keep  their  heads  down  to  the  wind  ,  but  it’s  always  the  three  of  them  .

unrequited  rivalry    :   i.e.  an  opal  who  sees  her  as  a  “rival”  (  or  jus  pushes  her  )  &  eden’s  like  haha  peepeepoopoo  in  response  cos  she  doesn’t  think  anyone’s  worthy  enough  to  be  her  rival  .  if  anything  ,  she  thinks  it’s  more  endearing  than  annoying  &  it  gives  her  something  /  someone  to  look  forward  to  when  the  time  comes  down  to  it  .

the  angle  to  her  deivl    :    anyone  who’s  a  lil  kinder  ,  a  lil  softer  &  not  as  annoying  around  the  edges  .  eden  consistently  plays  devil’s  advocate  &  will  stir  the  pot  it  if  brings  drama  &  a  little  bit  of  chaos  into  her  life  ,  this  muse  is  someone  who’s  always  the  ‘  eden  no  ’  to  her  ‘  eden  yes  ’

in  relation  to  her  circlet    :    fully  explained  in  my  app  ,  but  eden  unabashedly  views  her  coven  as  family  -  even  if  she  does  lean  into  the  role  of  annoying  cousin  .  she’s  no  leader  ,  more  of  an  antagonistic  side  kick  who  always  plays  devil’s  advocate  &  causes  trouble  .  that  being  said  ,  when  things  get  dirty  &  things  need  solving  ,  that’s  her  main  job  (  she  ?  thinks  )

in  relation  to  the  opals    :    opals  ,  shmopals  .  a  characteristic  flaw  is  her  disregard  to  authority  figures  (  always  seen  arguing  with  professors  ,  will  fight  the  p*lice  when  called  to  a  party  ,  has  tackled  various  figures  around  campus  )  ,  including  the  opals  .  respect  should  be  earned  &  besides  being  her  seniors  ,  she’s  seen  no  other  reason  to  respect  them  .  so  ,  she’s  outwardly  disrespectful  &  idk  what  to  say  .

#opalsintro #THIS IS OOSOOO FLGNFJEAFH HAHHEH #WEAK SAUCE !

[erchommai-a]

demon blood.

trigger warning: abuse mention, gross, scars, etc.

origin.

Lilith, Mother of Demons, was not an easy creature to summon, even with Valentine Morgenstern’s talents and determination. His earlier experimentation had attracted the demon’s attention. And had manipulated certain events to inspire the man to consider her blood for his experiments, hoping that through him, she may finally bear that son that she could never have.

With it came an agreement ─ an alliance that while Valentine had no plans or means to keep, he made regardless. Should his Uprising ( or any others in the future  prove victorious ) it would not only be his Nephilim that should benefit but her included. And the added clause that she would get to watch over Jonathan while Valentine ensured that it could and cannot happen without his direct permission.

Contracts after all are binding intricate dances. Especially when done with the mother of all demons.

childhood.

His birth, for the most part, was normal. He only cried once, on that very night, and then never again. He never smiled. And often, had this knowing expression in his eyes as if he could comprehend the whole world around him, as if he could see the disgust written all over his mother’s eyes everytime she held him. It was the pregnancy with him that was difficult. Jocelyn suffered nightmares ; she suffered deep and unsettling exhaustion mixed with depression. An anxiety that wouldn’t leave her until that night Jonathan was born. A feeling that would only be replaced by disgust and almost fear for the first half of her first born’s life.

Jonathan for the most part was privy to these little things. Memories deeply ingrained in him but never really had full comprehension for it. More like vague nonsensical sequences, no matter how vivid the scenario is inside his head. Jocelyn crying. Green eyes looking down into his. Fingers in his hair. His fingers in her clasped hand. Valentine proudly called him his son. Stories of a grandmother and grandfather. Grand tales of a future to come.

Except for his eyes, by all appearance he looked normal. A quiet boy with advanced motor skills and seemingly quick and adaptive cognitive abilities. But he didn’t speak until he was around two and it was only one word, “Mom.” And he wouldn’t speak again until that fateful night his Father scoops him out of his bed and takes him away.

relationships.

In his youth he wasn’t as volatile or violent towards new people. He found them fascinating and could just stare at them for hours. It was for that very reason that people tend to react to him differently. This child with deep empty soulless eyes just looking up at you, trying to understand what you’re thinking, could be unnerving with his almost complete silence and obvious lack of affect. But generally it was the adults that could pick up on his almost other-worldliness.

Children paid no mind to it. Alec, among the few children of the circle, was considerably his most constant friend due to how close Jocelyn and Maryse had been then. And they often had no issue playing around with each other. So long as Alec doesn't push Jonathan when he doesn’t want to do anything or doesn’t take anything Joanthan considers to be his. Oftentimes, Jon would just sit there and play with his own toys right next to the other kids.

Quiet and contnet with his own company.

Of course, this changed as he grew older. Restricted and practically trapped in solitude, save for the company of his dismissive father ─ his idea of people was easily twisted by Valentine’s Dogma. And his lack of opportunity for actual social practice or basic social understanding forged instead into weaponry and spycraft. Because for the most part, he can be very intuitive in the nature of people. But his childhood has made him very much a cynic towards people. Or humanity as a whole. He doesn’t think anyone or anything is worth saving. He finds chaos to be more fascinating. Morality is muddled whether you lean towards good or bad.

Chaos, to him, could almost be his religion.

physical traits.

The most obvious and significant effect of the demon blood in his system was the black eyes. And by that I literally just mean black pupils. He does not do the whole black eyes thing in my canon verses. It is just deep soulless black eyes that are quite freakishly inhuman but also human. He’s a cryptid.

There’s also a  general sharpness to his whole countenance that he wouldn’t have if the demon blood wasn’t there. Although it’s not really something completely noticeable, or something that ruins the aesthetic of his features, in fact it enhances his looks a lot more. Accentuating the beauty to his features that almost make it unnatural. Cause again, he’s kind of a cryptid.

The best way to picture it is how it's such a direct and obvious contrast to Jace’s beauty. Jace is golden, the sun, absolutely angelic. Jon is raw, sharp, ethereal like the night, absolutely hellish.

nature of the demon blood.

Please take note of this, cause this is such a crucial part to how I play him.

The general philosophy regarding demon blood is plain and simple, it’s a cancer to his soul. It’s not something that had any serious instantaneous effect on him so much that he is inhuman ─ or that he was born demonic or anything like that. He is different. But he isn’t entirely all demon or entirely all human because he has angel blood. He is still Nephilim.

So with it came this effect of diminishing humanity ─ the hell fire inside of him was burning it up in a waythat it wasn’t just purely dependent on how he was raised but the demon blood itself was isolating him from his human traits. The good emotions, empathy, compassion, etc. And influencing him in a way that his aggression and general affinity for violence is louder. So it just amplifies deep dark baser urges that are already within him ─ like his impulse control and fascination with violence and blood lust. They were all only heightened. And you match that with Valentine Morgenstern’s school of learning ─ it builds inside of him a clashing.

Demon versus Human.

A conflict of demon and angel fighting within himself in such a profound way that him, being the one with it, can not tell the difference of how abnormal his physical constitution is. He neither feels it, nor comprehends it. To him it’s a natural state of being. That feeling of conflict inside of him that never goes away. That unbearable loneliness. That insufferable hunger or feeling of emptiness. That absolute soul sucking encompassing black hole that is never sated, never satisfied, never content. It never goes away. It just is. It’s just him.

He has been burning ─ rotting ─ from the inside out since he was born.

With that said ─ at no point does it take away his agency ( because please stop doing that ) to the point that it’s easy to assume that he would be different without demon blood. No, it won’t. The anger in him is something he was born with. That loneliness, he was born with it. He was given as much choice as anyone ─ he could have killed his Father but he didn’t. He could have killed Jace first, without hesitation or second judgement in City of Glass, he didn’t. He didn’t have to kill Max, but he did.

One could argue that he didn’t make the choices with the best capacity or capability to make those decisions, yes, But it doesn’t take away the fact that he made those choices of his own volition. He chose to follow the path that leads to his death.

The demon blood or his demonic nature is not the sole instigator.

But he has done and will do evil things.

morality.

This is just a quick thing because I stand by the notion that he isn’t evil. Not inherently. He has done despicable, heinous, evil things. He has nearly accomplished more devious and horrible crimes. And had he won ─ he could have continued to try to raise the stakes until that deep hole inside of him was filled and satisfied.

Which cruelly would never be sated.

But his intent had never been directly for absolutely malicious intent.

He was built and cultivated towards this prospect because after his first death. It is the only clear and obvious direction for him. Because without his Father’s purpose, he has nothing. Without that legacy to latch onto ─ he has nothing. That and Family has only been the two things Valentine had allowed him to strive for. So in truth, he wouldn’t really know any better.

And if you let him loose, absolutely and purely, on his own whim and want. Things would have ended differently. He would have thrived more beautifully in chaos.

It could have still led to a war. But a fun war. For him anyway.

Quick summary, he isn’t evil for evil sake. Kind of in the same vein, Valentine isn’t inherently evil. He was a villain who thought he was doing what was right, if a little bit over-zealously and like a megalomaniac. But I guess, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. There’s a method to both their madness.

effects and abilities.

infertile. This isn’t really something he knows or directly thinks about. Children, to him, for the most part aren’t like a big deal. But no, he can’t have kids. None of his own anyway.  The demon blood has taken that away. demon connection. Although his connection to Lilith is both in part because it’s her blood specifically that flows through him, it does extend quite a bit to others within the demonic hierarchy. With Lilith, it’s a very specific sort of connection. She can contact him, although with limitations, but she can make her presence very well known to him. In his childhood, she could only maintain it in short instances. Soft reassuring voices in his ears. Little visions. Little dreams. Nothing that could alert Valentine to her presence because of their contract that she is not allowed to see Jon without his permission / supervision. But this connection extends to all other demonic creatures specifically. It doesn’t only offer itself up as a sort of dowsing rod that works both ways ( he can sense them and they can sense him like he’s a beacon ). With that, also comes this understanding. He can speak in demon tongue that is also not just exclusively phonetically but emphatically or telepathically as well in the most natural sense. It was never something he had to study. demon manipulation. This is just an extension of the effects of Lilith’s blood in him. He can influence, to some degree lower tier demons. Order them around based on his blood connection to Lilith. Something that works almost similarly like light hypnotism. But is not overly powerful or overt that he can use it for very long or very often. And only works on the unintelligent breed of demons. blood magic / blood sorcery. There is, inherently, a lot of use for his blood in terms of magic and rituals. His blood being a unique combination of demon and nephilim make it a very powerful conduit or power source for dark magic.  And not only that, his blood is a good supplement to other things like summoning rituals and binding rituals. Summoning circles lined with his blood has a stronger binding energy against demons and may not be exclusive to just demons. ( He has yet to find out, although theoretically can be applied to anyone that falls within the confines of summoning circles. ) It also has  corrosive properties when interacting with objects heavenly by nature. Or some enchanted objects. ( e.g. deactivating the wards. ) demonic blood empowerment. Physically, this technically makes him stronger than jace to a certain degree. Partnered with his training, this makes him absolutely lethal. And both fast and stronger than the majority of shadowhunters. Along with it, is a sense of physical self reliance. The more the influence of the demon blood becomes stronger, the less he has a need for human things. It destroys him spiritually and mentally but it builds him up physically to the point that a lot of what is essential to another person may not be as essential to him. Like physical sustenance is less of a necessity to him which in turn makes him eat less, sleep less, basically do so little of the human things that most people absolutely need. ( e.g. dreaming art, little enjoyments, those sort of things. ) This is also where the advanced nature of his progress in childhood also comes in effect. It helped him adapt to the physicallity of growing up or maturity much faster than a normal child would have. pain supression / resistance. Mostly before LIlith's resurrection, pain to him was a normal affliction. He felt as much as anyone physically could. But again through Valentine Morgenstern school of how to be a monster, he was taught to make himself numb to it through training and with physical abuse, he did. Post Lilith’s resurrection, he was gifted with almost unnatural invincibility. He is more likely to feel the pain now unless it was directly imbued with heavenly fire. This also meant there was no scarring and that he could get stabbed as many times as he liked. Cutting his head off could also work though. If you were fast enough. limitations. For the most part, there are only three things that can effectively hurt / bruise him in a sense. First and foremost is Demon metal, weapons made from these are rare but can leave significant scars on his skin after. And nothing that any known magic or angelic rune had been able to remove. Electrum, can also have similar effects but not as aggravating or as long lasting as demon metal. In pain level, electrum is a lot more tolerable for him than demon metal. And the scars, no matter how deep, are not as permanent as weapons infused with demon metal. Sanctified objects or holy ground can make him feel kind of an allergic reaction. There’s definitely a different energy around them that makes him uncomfortable. Not to the point that it weakens and not even to any significant degree that it hurts him. But they do make him feel weird and kind of aggravate the hell fire in his veins so it’s almost like a fever that’s just there. Or an itch that he cannot scratch. Anything imbued with heavenly fire directly however can be excruciating to him.  magic. To some degree, he has an affinity for it. He can be very talented with magic. It’s something innate and he can be very  intuitive with. More so than his own father, from whom he learned nearly all the spells that are within his arsenal. However, he isn’t as in tune with it so to speak, spiritually, as he is with his weapons. It’s why even when he has the ability for most things like basic healing spells, tracking spells, etc, he still prefers to use his shadowhunter training and weapons. But he does have a working understanding of how to use and conjure magic for himself. He just doesn’t. edom magic. I thought I should separate this just to emphasize that edom was gifted to him by lilith. Edom is his and hers domain. There is nothing he or she can not build or unravel or undo or make or destroy within the confines of that universe. He is, within its world, by all means a god. It does not however mean he is omniscient or omnipotent within it. It just means every grain of sand and every single atom within the confine of said universe is his to control. wings. This is absolutely just me indulging myself because I live for the aesthetic. This comes about after the bond between him and Jace is broken in COLS. A part of Lilith’s gift. To expound on the image or her goal for her son too to be hell’s knight so to speak. An absolute bastardization of angels with his demon blood and angel blood, so voila, wings. They are dark and sharp, the wings fade from white to gray to black, right at his shoulder blades, where they connect to his skin. Blood red vains stretch from his skin to the arch of his wings.  They are retractable and can be easily hidden within his skin or just through plain glamour magic. ( Cause you know, still kind of a cryptid. Just a pretty cryptid. ) Outside of some ability for flight, they don’t offer him much protection. They work more like an extra appendage. And something that stays with him in post-cohf verses although they appear more withered then and scarred. They also appear as fresh new scars, that cover over a small part of his shoulder blade as well as over the lines of scars from his whipping across his back.

#𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓.┋study. #long post for ts #this is definitely a lot more extensive than the last one but i still feel like im forgetting something #BUT ALSO IF PEOPLE HAVE BETTER IDEA FOR terms cos i genuinely cannot think of better terms for some of his gifts right now #i'll have to read through this again tomorrow

[theexceptionaleccentric]

TUA Coffee Shop AU!!! (except there is no Coffee Shop just a Bar) [Part I]

Let’s do another Umbrella Academy headcanon because I don’t want to revise for exams and this is the perfect way to procrastinate!

Just so you know, in this headcanon the kids have no powers and are just normal, everyday kids and they technically aren’t kids (they are teenagers/young adults), but I still intend to refer to them as kids, because they are just so adorable. 

Also - this AU contains some ships, to be precise: Luther/Alison and Five/Vanya and I guess, you could find Klaus/Ben if you really wanted to. However, for controversy’s sake and because I honestly don’t feel like dealing with people telling me what a gross thing my wicked mind came up with or something similarly silly, you can rest assured that they are not actually siblings in this AU. So we all good? I hope we all good.

Also, I’ve never done this, but I feel like I should just to be safe here, so:

Trigger Warning! 

This headcanon talks about child abuse, drug abuse, psychological abuse and domestic violence. None of this is talked about explicitly, but it is mentioned and I understand it can be upsetting to some people. And let’s be honest - it would be difficult to do Normal-Kids AU and keep the characters the same if they didn’t have their trauma.

With that out of the way, let’s proceed to the actual headcanon!

Firstly, all the kids go to the same high school. Luther, Diego and Alison are the oldest and are about to finish their final year and go on to uni. Klaus and Vanya just turned 17, Vanya is one year behind the trio, but Klaus is technically in the same year as them and about to graduate early. Ben is 16 but in the same programme for gifted students as Klaus. Five is the youngest, just 15, but is too smart for his age, also in the special programme, and is going to graduate next year (so technically the same year as Vanya). If it’s confusing, then don’t worry. It will hopefully become clearer as you read on.

Now I should start explaining who actually is related to whom. Five (although in this AU he has an actual name - Quentin, I was thinking Fievel for a bit, but Quentin just sounds more like Five) and Luther are brothers (it is canon in the comics and I found it a fun idea) and their father is Reginald Hargreeves. Luther is older and is finishing high-school, Five is younger than him (he is 15 in this AU), but he is in a programme for gifted students and therefore just one year bellow Luther. 

Problem is, both brothers are currently in a difficult position. Their father was an abusive bastard (because that is the Reginald we know and love) who had been tormenting their mother (Dolores, because in the show she is someone Five actually cares deeply for) their whole life. Their mom took the burn of the physical abuse and did her best to shield the children, so they “only” had to put up with the verbal and psychological abuse. Reginald obviously preferred Luther, the golden boy, the sport-prodigy and the son that never defied him or acted against him. He spoiled Luther rotten and gave him everything he wanted. The younger, quieter, much smarter and much less docile Quentin was a thorn in Reginald’s side. The boy was happy to stand up to him and argue whenever he felt like their father was being unfair to their soft-spoken and loving mother. That behaviour started at a young age. Reginald rarely got him anything, Quentin was used to taking care of himself (he got into the gifted class with his own efforts, because he wanted to have a better chance of snatching a scholarship and stop relying on his father for anything at all). 

It was only when Reginald raised his cane against Quentin in a fit of rage that their mother couldn’t stand it anymore. She decided to take her boys and leave. However, because she was a housewife most of her life, she had little money and not many prospects. The only place she was able to afford at such short notice was a tiny flat with two bedrooms in a dodgy part of town. This flat is in a small building, above a bar that also serves as a night club on weekends (they only hire DJs for three nights in the week). Luther was baffled and furious with everything. He was so sheltered from the horrors happening in their house that he considered their father to be “stern”, but not cruel. He didn’t know about half of the abuse their mom went through (partially because he learnt to turn a blind eye, partially because she did her best not to tarnish the image Luther had of his father, she knew he adored Reginald). He mostly wanted for things to go back to the way they were - with his parents together and his father buying him everything. 

Quentin, on the other hand, was delighted that they finally left. He was not happy with the living situation they ended up in, but he was determined to cope. Anything, anything at all, was better than staying with their father. He was ready to find a job to help mom support them (she had a long road ahead: she was divorcing one of the wealthiest people in the world while fighting for the custody of her children, the court expenses were likely to skyrocket), but Dolores was against the idea. She wanted her children to have a good childhood and didn’t want to burden them. That’s why Quentin decided that he would find a secret job. There must have been a way to juggle work, family and school and he was determined to find it. He ends up as a semi-unofficial bartender at the night club downstairs.

Speaking of the bar there were three important women working there; Eudora and Alison Patch (yes, in this AU they are sisters) and Vanya White. Eudora is the oldest, currently training to become a police officer, just like her father. She works at the nearby bar to earn some pocket money (the bar is actually a pretty safe and quiet place except for the weekends). Alison is the star of their high school theatre club and wants to become an actress, she is going to turn 18 soon, but her dad does not allow her to work at the bar all by herself. She only goes there to help Eudora every now and then and they split the payment when she does. She is also good friends with Vanya (both Patch sisters think about her more like a little sister than anything else) and likes to hang out around the bar when it’s Vanya’s shift just to chat with her. 

Vanya is Klaus’ twin sister. They both come from an abusive household, but the social services took them away from their father a while ago. After the death of their mother, their father started locking the kids up in cupboards or under the stairs like Harry Potter. He would also humiliate and degrade them whenever he could and sometimes beat Klaus up to “fix” his “unnatural” ways. Eventually, Vanya couldn’t stand it and called the cops after their father almost killed Klaus and broke her hand when she attempted to help. Now the kids live in foster care, which isn’t great, but they manage. They don’t live with the best guardians, but they both figured that neglect is better than negative attention from your parental figure, so they do their best to be as invisible as possible. 

Klaus is a really clever kid, but his mind tends to get a little too loud and cluttered and the time with their father left him pretty messed up. He developed claustrophobia and proper PTSD. The few sessions of counselling he got after the police locked their father up were not enough to help him and so he turned to addictive substances to chase “the voices” away. Even though he is undoubtedly outlandish, his brain is still brilliant. He has absolute hearing and eidetic memory, therefore, he can pick up languages and accents the first time he hears them. That is how he got into the same programme for gifted students that Quentin is part of. 

That doesn’t stop him from attempting to numb his mind - sometimes he falls into debt with people in the drug cartel and they roughen him up to remind him he has to pay. Every time that happens, Vanya gives him money to pay them back. Klaus never really questions where exactly she gets the money from and Vanya never tells him that she spends her afternoons and nights working at a bar. She just wants to make sure that her brother, the only family she has left, is alright. 

Vanya desperately wants to study music, but she can only practice at school, because “nobody likes to hear that screeching at home”. So she rarely goes to their foster home. She stays at school until they close and then spends time at the bar. She takes naps in the storage room or in one of the booths after they close up. Vanya is the youngest bartender there, only just turned 17, she lied on her application and pretends she is older than she is (Klaus taught her a thing or two about how to lie). Alison and Eudora know (Vanya goes to the same school as Alison and is part of the theatre orchestra), but Vanya made both of them swear not to tell anyone because she desperately needs the money. The Patch sisters reluctantly agreed, but they don’t like to leave her there by herself and almost never let her take the weekend shifts (the number of drunks, high and overall weird people that flock towards dark, secluded night clubs is incredible). 

Vanya tends to go to this small doughnut shop every morning on her way to school. The shop is co-owned by two lovely ladies, Agnes and Grace. Agnes has a husband, Hazel, but unfortunately, they never managed to have kids, even though they both wanted to. Agnes adores Vanya and eventually (at the end of this AU) convinces her husband to adopt both White siblings. Grace has one son, Diego (because how could I separate these two?), who just about to start attending the police academy. He thinks of Vanya as his little sister and looks after her at school. Eventually, he meets Eudora and finds out that Vanya works at the bar and is outraged at the whole situation, but that doesn’t happen for a long while yet. Vanya also eventually brings Quentin to the doughnut shop and it becomes “their place”. Grace and Dolores eventually meet and bond over what they had to endure in their ill-fated marriages. (Grace’s husband was an army officer and died in action so she knows it is difficult to adjust to life alone, without the support of a spouse.) (And yes, apparently half of the father figures in this AU [except for Alison and Eudora’s dad, Diogo's hero of a father and Ben’s parents] are scum. I haven't even introduced Harold, yet. I just had to account for their traumas somehow.)

If you are wondering about Ben, then I can assure you that unlike most of the others he actually comes from a good, loving family. He is also part of the programme for gifted students and has been friends with Klaus for forever. He is not happy with his best friend’s drug abuse and tries to find ways to help him, but so far he hadn’t come up with a lasting solution. He is not giving up though. He is brilliant in maths and physics which is how he instantly befriends Quentin when the boy starts attending their school, but his favourite subject is literature, more specifically poetry. He and Vanya write songs together for the school musicals and at one point they think of starting a band with Diego.

I know this is really long already, so I am going to do a separate post for the plot of this headcanon. Look up either #Tees Thoughts to see all my crazy Umbrella Academy ideas or #Normellacademy (because I love to give my headcanons the worst names possible) for the second part of this particular headcanon. I will post the plot for this craziness soon.

#tees thoughts #normellacademy #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #tua #au #trigger warning #fiveya #five and vanya #luther and allison #what is their ship called? #no seriously what is it called? #somebody help #headcanon

[eatingdisorder0]

3 Things Your Wife Wants To Hear You Say

Do you ever feel at a loss for what to say around your wife?  Maybe you are aware she’s really upset, but she’s not talking to you and can hardly make eye contact or be in the same room.  Now sometimes people just need some time to cool off a bit.  But other times this may be a sign of an emotional shut down.  Or maybe it’s not that at all.  Maybe she seems just kind of empty and sad at times and you don’t know how to make her happy again.  Or neither of those.  Maybe your wife is just fine and is absolutely content in life so you don’t really have a use for reading about things she may want to hear you say.  And if that’s the truth, go you!  However, if there’s even a seed of doubt about that (which there probably should be), you may want to just question that a little bit and check in with yourself and maybe even your wife to see if there’s anything else she’d love to hear from you.

  Here are 3 things your wife wants to hear you say:

  1) Thank you, I appreciate everything you do for me/us.

  There’s this funny thing about how women tend to be socialized.  Maybe not everyone, but a lot of us.  We’re often raised to nurture and serve others.  This usually isn’t a bad thing at all!  The problem is that somewhere along the way, it can feel like an expectation from others and often where there’s an expectation, there’s little to no gratitude.  So genuine “thank you’s” are super nice to hear and major bonus if they are about a specific act.  And if you have children, mentor them to show gratitude to their moms too!

  2)  How can I help?

  This kind of goes hand in hand with the first one.  Because women are often used to nurturing and serving, they get used to doing so without asking for help.  Sometimes we don’t want to burden others by doing so and other times maybe we’re being stubborn or prideful.  And probably many other reasons in between.  But we can get burned out without even realizing it and before you know it, resentment and bitterness are the internal expressions of our stress.  So even offering to lend a hand or just check in to see if we need help can be a kind gesture that goes a long way!

  3)  If I had the chance to do it all over, I would marry you again in a heartbeat.

  Relationships are tough.  You know that, we know that.  So many changes happen throughout a marriage.  Growth, successes, losses, you name it.  People change.  Sometimes your wife is aware she is a different woman than she was when you first married her.  Maybe she looks different, she’s not quite as vivacious or exciting as she used to be or maybe she’s just tired all the time now.  Chances are she’d love to hear you say you’re still very glad you married her because _______ and because _______ and because _________ (you fill in the blanks).

  If words of affirmation aren’t your wife’s thing, just know that sometimes words are still kinda nice but also you can do all of these things with out using words.  Let her know how much you’ve noticed she’s been working so hard lately and you’d like to spend some quality time with her, just name the date and you’ll set aside that time just for her.  Stop by the store and pick up something you know she often buys so she has it on hand for next time.  Send flowers.  Plan a vow renewal ceremony for your next anniversary.  Give her a hug and a kiss by way of leaving and greeting each time!

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The post 3 Things Your Wife Wants To Hear You Say appeared first on Harmony Therapy Group.

From https://harmonytherapygroup.com/3-things-your-wife-wants-to-hear-you-say/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=3-things-your-wife-wants-to-hear-you-say

from https://harmonytherapygroup.wordpress.com/2019/07/24/3-things-your-wife-wants-to-hear-you-say/

[astralnexus]

All fear questions for Les, Niri, and Elysia

Spiders: Does your muse squish bugs or put them outside?

All three, especially Nirihel, will not hesitate to safely put insects outside.

The Dark: Did your muse sleep with a nightlight as a child?

Lesthael & Nirihel were never children, but they don’t mind soft ambient lighting in their room.

Not so much as a child, but when she and Halcyon had moved into their apartment, Elysia spent the best bit of a year with a nightlight on in her room.

Snakes: Would your muse ever keep an unusual/exotic pet?

All three absolutely would. I mean, do the giant serpents beneath the mountains count? dflkgjlkjhlkf

Blood: What’s the worst injury your muse has ever had?

Lesthael’s almost had his wings torn out a few times and suffered a few deep wounds. Nirihel’s suffered from quite a few near-fatal chest wounds before. And Elysia still considers the blunt-force-trauma from Lesthael’s attack her worst injury that she’s ever had.

Clowns: Does your muse prefer comedy? Or horror?

Lesthael prefers horror, 100%. Nirihel could lean either way, she doesn’t have too strong an opinion of either despite being a large consumer of human media in particular. Elysia on the other hand, has a love/hate relationship with horror but prefers that over comedy.

Mirrors: What is your muse’s least favorite thing about their appearance?

For Lesthael it’s a minor gripe about his appearance but he’s not too keen on his posture at this very moment. Nirihel doesn’t exactly dislike anything about her appearance but she’s not so vain as to be enamoured with herself. Elysia strongly dislikes her scars.

Tight Space: Does your muse ever feel that they’re not living up to their own potential?

That’s Lesthael’s constant mood. Nirihel sometimes feels that way, but often looks back to what she’s done in the past and realises that she’s always living up to her potential. Elysia always feels like she could do better. She doesn’t beat herself up about it but there’s definitely an invisible, unspoken standard there.

Closet Monsters: Does your muse hide any aspects of their personality/life from others?

Of course. But are they ever going to reveal those? Not unless they strongly trust that person.

Crowds: What does your muse think of big cities?

Lesthael finds them aesthetically pleasing, but the noise does get to him very quickly. Crowded places are just not his thing. Nirihel marvels at how many people can be packed into such a large space at any given time. Elysia’s used to large places like that, having formerly lived in a city (she and Halcyon have moved back to Fai’aerkran in the last year or so).

Death: Name one thing your muse has lost that they wish they could get back.

Lesthael just wants stability back in his life. Nirihel wants the missed opportunity to raise a child back. Elysia wants the entire childhood she never had.

Ghosts: Has your muse ever seen something they couldn’t explain?

Lesthael hasn’t, no. He’s very eager to explain things - being somewhat scientifically inclined definitely helps there. Nirihel hasn’t had many experiences in that sort of area - and when she has, she’s often not cared to explain it. Elysia, on the other hand, has encountered a few wayward souls from the Void and not even they could explain what happened.

Needles: Does your muse have a strong stomach?

Lesthael absolutely does. Do you think he’d have a torture room if he didn’t? Nirihel does too - she’s put up with a lot over the past 13 billion years. Elysia on the other hand - it depends on the subject. Blood she can deal with. Wounds, too. But excessive trauma can cause her to turn away.

Curses: Does your muse believe in good/bad luck? How about karma?

Lesthael believes in some form of luck, but not karma. Nirihel believes that people make their own luck, but believes nonetheless. Karma doesn’t even get considered by her. Elysia firmly believes in luck, and does not believe in karma either.

Heights: Is your muse a risk-taker?

Lesthael is a risk taker, but only if the detriment is based around him. He doesn’t risk others’ lives. Nirihel prefers to weigh her options. Elysia can and will take risks if she can.

Solitude: Name 3 things your muse couldn’t live without.

For Lesthael’s dramatic ass those three things would be: Fai’aerkran, the Syraxians, and his mountain. On a more serious note though, it would be his family, his home, and his friends. Nirihel could live without her family, the gardens, and a gift she received a while back. Elysia definitely couldn’t live without those she loves, her weapons, and her berries.

Fire: Would your muse rather be very cold, or very hot?

All three would rather be cold.

Failure: Has your muse ever given up on an important dream?

None of them have.

Abandonment: How would your muse win back someone who left them?

Lesthael and Nirihel are both charmers that can and will take it up to eleven. If they know what works for you, then they can and will use that to their advantage. Not in a manipulative way - they’d only do it if the person had expressed interest yet again. Elysia wouldn’t try.

The Unknown: Is your muse a philosophical person?

Lesthael moreso than anyone else, yes.

Boogeyman: What position does your muse sleep in?

All either sleep on their sides or their fronts depending on whether they’re sleeping alone or with company.

Falling: What does your muse think about falling in love or commitment? 

Lesthael & Nirihel feel so strongly not just for each other but for quite a few other people - they think it’s a blessing. As does Elysia. She loves the feeling of falling in love.

Change: What was a turning point in your muse’s life?

For both Lesthael and Elysia, it was The Second Great Rebellion. Nirihel doesn’t consider anything really a major turning point.

Disease: What does your muse do on a sick day?

Lesthael carries on as normal until told to relax. Nirihel immediately tries to calm down the symptoms and relax for the day. Elysia is either in bed, or refusing to stay in bed.

Number 13: Does your muse believe any superstitions? 

Lesthael and Nirihel started some superstitions on Fai’aerkran, but don’t believe in them. Elysia doesn’t believe in any Syraxian superstitions, however she isn’t too keen about walking under ladders. Whether that’s due to superstition or spatial awareness however, is her secret.

Noise: Name one sound your muse finds absolutely unbearable.

All of them hate the sound of high-pitched scraping and screeching.

Insects: Name something your muse finds gross or annoying.

There’s not much that Lesthael finds gross, but he absolutely abhors people eating with their mouth open. Same goes for Nirihel and Elysia.

Dolls: Has your muse ever collected something?

Yes! Lesthael collects sharp blades from Earth (has been doing so for... a long time.) Nirihel collects plants from Earth, and Elysia collects bird feathers!

Getting Old: Would your muse rather live 50 years loved, or 200 years alone?

Given that both of Elysia’s parents have lived both of those options, Elysia would rather live 50 years loved.

Social Phobia: Does your muse consider themselves an outgoing person?

Lesthael’s definitely an ambivert, in the middle. Nirihel considers herself quite outgoing, as does Elysia!

#Anonymous #IT'S DONE LADS IT'S DONE

[n7soldiered]

          IMPORTANT  HEADCANONS  TO  CONSIDER  !

CAN THEY USE CHOPSTICKS:    Yes, he can use chopsticks.   I like to believe John is good at everything he does.  A jack of all trades but a master of none, however.   And as someone who is deeply connected to their Chinese roots, and raised in a traditional Chinese household, it pains me to say that he just stabs everything with them.  If there are noodles involved, expect him to swallow from the bowl.  ( and no, it's not rude table manners.  that’s a common misconception.  in asia, if you slurp or eat from the bowl, it's a compliment to the cook.  dunno about aliens tho ).

WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN THEY CAN’T SLEEP:   I’ve been mulling over this for the past few days ( and im gonna go off tangent ), but I’m pretty sure I’ve repeated this enough times.  If he can’t sleep and there’s shit to be done, he’s probably working.  If there’s no work to be done, which is an odd concept in itself, John probably won’t know what to do with himself for a bit.  Because he’s a total square.  And because John suffers from severe PTSD.

He suffers night terrors, oftentimes, but mostly sleep paralysis and hallucinogenic nightmares.  His trauma stems from the events of his childhood to his apparent death, as well as post-reaper war etc.  His dreams mostly consist of suffocating while in the vacuum of space, stuck in his N7 armor with no air to breathe.  For that reason, he doesn’t prefer total darkness in his cabin, and he can't sleep without having on some light.  I’m also positive that his lover has woken him up in the middle of the night due to these issues.  Still trapped in his nightmares, John just stops breathing or he wakes up, shouting.

On the really bad nights, he'll quietly move his shit over to the crew bunks and sleep there.  But if he lies awake in bed for too long, he’ll get frustrated, I’m sure.  I can see him invading the mess for food, maybe even try cooking on his own.  In short, he does stuff he doesn’t normally get the chance to do.  Oh, and if there’s someone else awake, he’d chat them up because he can’t help himself.  John doesn’t like to be alone.

WHAT WOULD THEY IMPULSE BUY AT THE GROCERY STORE:   This is timeline dependent.  As a kid/young teen, he didn’t have the money to impulsively buy random shit in a store.  As for later on, when he is an adult and has more than enough credit chits to spare, John buys anything he thinks someone will like.  I.E:  new boots for Jane; new leather jacket for Ryan; a massive cake for Jyn;  new rifle for Garrus;  new amp for Kaidan;  new makeup kit for Jack;  the list goes on.  Forever.   It’s probably awful how much he spends but, then again, counting how much currency one can gain in-game, the man is sort of rich as fuck, so it works out?

WHAT ORDER DO THEY WASH THINGS IN THE SHOWER:    I HAVE DWELLED ON THIS QUESTION FOR TEN YEARS.    And it isn’t because I'm perverted, I swear.  It’s because I first have to wonder, what the fuck is on Shepard’s mind when he gets into the shower?  What is he thinking after a long, hard battle?  What’s going through his head, after he’s killed a score of over fifty men and women, human or otherwise?  Is there regret?  Has he any doubt in the choices made?  Was he injured, is he in pain?

Are his hands still shaking from adrenaline having seared through his veins, burned his nerve endings to slag?  Is he disjointed from reality, barely able to stand on his own, in his private quarters?  Has he bothered removing his armor, before getting under the spray?  Is he still covered in blood and guts, weighed down by dirt and dross?  Is he thinking about how he almost lost a squad mate, this time?  Does his mind leap to contingencies, questions;  what if he hadn’t been fast enough, would he have been able to handle the loss while all alone, in this moment of fleeting repose?

Does he wonder what if, one day, commander Shepard just isn’t enough?

I don’t think John really washes anything in order.  He gets under the shower, and he just — he just stands there.  For a while.  At least, until EDI warns him that he’s dipping into the emergency water reserves and that he can continue his shower once the Normandy goes through one recycle sequence.  In other words, he can continue his shower after waiting 30 minutes.  If John’s in a bad place—I’m talkin’ a really bad place, she shocks him with freezing cold water to get his attention.

John usually takes it without protest, save for tensing up or yelping out a half-bitten curse.  But he always thanks EDI.  Always.  And EDI always says you are welcome.

WHAT’S THEIR COFFEE ORDER:  Please, do not EVER give John watered down sugary seasonal frappe crap.  He will hate it.  John likes the taste of bold roasts.  Bit of sugar and cream.  He likes it sweet and bitter.

WHAT SORT OF APPS WOULD THEY HAVE ON THEIR SMARTPHONE:   I         I actually don’t know.  After thinking about this for a bit, I don’t think he’d have anything particularly interesting.  Weather app, news apps, forum/thread apps revolving around politics, world news, stock, and market.  I think John isn’t one to entertain himself with electronics when he could be doing pretty much anything else than staring at his omni-tool.  In a modern verse, it’s pretty much the same.  Perhaps, just slightly less boring?

His most interesting app would definitely be p!nterest or something—and I’m not saying that because I’ve been using it a lot lately lmao.  I think the visual stimulation is the only thing that could capture his attention.  Since I don’t exactly see him as a vain type, I doubt he’d like taking pictures of himself.  No Instagram account for himself or anything like that, but, he’d definitely have an Instagram account filled with pictures of his life, his lover, his family etc.  The contrast of pictures of his dog vs him is absolutely staggering.  Overall, he’s not huge on social media.  If you need to talk to him, find him yourself etc.

HOW DO THEY ACT AROUND CHILDREN:  Oh, lord.   John doesn’t …  okay, as of now, he doesn’t know how he feels about them.  Doesn’t know what to do around children.  I mean, he’ll do his best to console a crying child, and he’s held a toddler for pictures before, but that doesn’t really make him feel any better.  If you want me to get specific, he’s borderline terrified of babies.  How do you get them to stop crying?  How do you hold them without breaking them?  Just his one hand is larger than half the baby.  John won’t know what to do with himself.

That isn’t to say he doesn’t want kids.   Be it adoption, surrogate, lab-born, it doesn’t matter how; he wants a family one day, he really does.  It’s just ... when he thinks about babies—children—he gets terrified he somehow might hurt them.  And if he ever came to accidentally hurt his own child, I don’t think he would ever forgive himself.  Honestly?  If kids are around him, he’ll go stand in a corner and hope to god nothing blows up since things do have a tendency to suddenly explode around him.

WHAT WOULD THEY WATCH ON TV WHEN THEY’RE BORED & NOTHING THEY REALLY LIKE IS ON:    Once again, John just isn’t the type of person to waste time.  There’s too much for him to do.  He’d rather do anything else than suffer from ‘boredom’.

tagged by:  @kyberborne  thank you!! tagging:  @littleredrenegade @risenspectre

#( . i apologize for typos and stuff once again sdlkfjsdf #( . did this on my break and i feel kinda irked because i wanted to delve more into some of these but i couldnt find the right words to say. #✯*:･ﾟ ❝ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ᴇɴᴏᴜɢʜ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴀʙʟᴏɪᴅ ᴊᴏᴜʀɴᴀʟɪsᴍ! ❞ [ headcanons ] #ᴀ ʙʀᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴏғ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴏᴄᴏʟ│✯*:･ﾟ[ musings ]

[remainloved]

Rivarly - Ethan Dolan (Part 2)

Summary: In movies, books and stories, captains fell in. The captain of the soccer team and the head of the cheering team will always make the perfect couple. However, what if these two captains despise each other?

Warning: none?

Word Count: 1.2k+

Y/L/N = Your Last Name

Part 1

Ugh… Just because I’m the cheer captain doesn’t make me all happy and go lucky kind of person to go to school. I mean, who’s happy about going on to school this early in the morning especially on Monday. This is absurd.

The way high school stories portray cheer captain irritates me sometimes. No, I don’t wear the cheer uniforms all the time. No, I don’t always wear skimpy and all pink clothes to school. No, I never picked on someone who’s ‘under’ the social status. No, I never eat only salad as my meal. Lastly, never have I ever dated the football team captain.

Ethan Dolan. His challenge. It wasn’t really on was it? I mean, I did not even give him an answer. It’s not yet official.

--

“Y/n! Would you like to answer the question?” Mr. Sharman, our Physics teacher asked.

No, I would not like to answer the question. Obviously.

“I’m sorry Sir, but could you please repeat the question?” I asked honestly, knowing that I spaced out in the middle of the class. The boys sitting behind the class snickered. Mr. Sharman was about to reply when, “The Siphon will fail to work if the level of the liquid in the two vessels are at the same height.” Ethan cut him off.

What even is a Siphon?

See, I told you he aces in academics as well. Everyone was shocked when he helped me with no snarky comments being followed. Normally, he would laughed and teased me for not knowing the answer. Then he would answer the question confidently and got it right. It was annoying.

I turned around to look at him and he stared back, smiling then he winked.  I see, he’s playing it already right now. Everyone in class was cooing and I even saw a girl beside me grinning ear to ear, whispering softly, “My ship is rising.”

“Very well, Ethan.” Mr. Sharman complimented him. Ethan has always been his favorite student as he aces this class with such ease. After he complimented him, the bell rang, indicating that we are dismissed.

Finally.

Everyone packed his or her bags and rushed outside. I was about to step outside when Mr. Sharman called my name. “Y/n, would you stay back for a moment?” I turned around and nodded.

“You’ve been slacking off a bit in Physics. Do you mind if I would give you a tutor?” Mr. Sharman asked with his eyes glinting with mischief. I nodded my head and he said, “I think Ethan Dolan would do. He’s good in Physics and I believe you guys are in good terms seeing that he often helped answering questions for you.”

I was in utter disbelief. “Hey, there princess, looks like we’re going to spend more time together.” Ethan was standing at the doorway smirking at me.

--

“Mom, Ethan’s coming tonight to tutor me Physics!” I called my mom as she’s away at Maldives for her company meeting or something like that.

“Ethan Dolan? ETHAN DOLAN?!” She shrieked. She knows that I absolutely despise Ethan. “Will my house be unharmed?” She answered teasingly.

“Mom! You care more about the house than your own child.” I said through the phone and she chuckled. “I know that’s why I’m enjoying this so much,” she chucked. “I have to go honey, tell me soon how it goes, okay?” She replied and hung up.

I was in my loose sweatpants and white t-shirt and hair all tied up in a messy bun that is nowhere looking as good as the ones on the internet when the doorbell rings. Ugh… he’s finally here.

I opened up the door and he’s there. He’s wearing his white hoodie and carrying his school bag with him. “Hey, princess. Eager to see me, huh?” he greeted. I raised my eyebrow, daring him to say more, knowing that without any second thought I’ll kick him out. He chuckled and I opened my door wider for him to come in.

We sat down around the living room. He started explaining the Newton’s Law of Motion. I understood the first and second. I lost it when it reached the third. “Y/L/N, how could you not understand? It’s the easiest among all the other laws.” Ethan grumbled. “Physics is just not my strongest suit, it’s just like how Biology is to you.” I answered back.

He looked at me and smiled, “You paid attention to me, not bad princess.” I grunted, “Can we take a break? I have enough of this stupid thing already.”

“Anything for the princess.” He chuckled. He continued “At least, the both of us are good in Chemistry. Although you lose to me in that subject as well.” He said grinning.

“I’m pretty sure I’m a kick-ass in Chem. How would you know that I lose to you in that subject, Dolan?” I replied back sassily.

“We have chemistry together, princess.” He smirked animatedly white using his index finger pointing towards him and me.

My eyebrows furrowed together in disgust. I was about to say something else when the doorbell rings again. Finally, my beautiful pizzas. “Don’t touch anything, Dolan.” I sighed and got up to open the door. I handed the delivery man the money and brought it back inside.

“Wow, pizzas? Y/L/N, you sure are the girl of my dreams.” He said in a dramatic tone. I rolled my eyes and opened the box. I smiled and started eating. Ethan, on the other hand was just looking at me with his eyes wide opened.

“What, never saw pizza before?” I asked him incredulously.

“THERE’S NO PINEAPPLE ON IT!” He screamed. I laughed at his face that was red and it was hilarious.

“Pineapple on pizza is just weird. That’s not supposed to be even legal.” I answered calmly knowing that it’ll just tick him of even more. He groaned acting annoyed yet he took one slice of the pizza.

“Y/L/N, you’re not even giving an effort to this challenge.” He said softly looking up to me. The atmosphere shifted from being light into something tense.

“Are we really doing it? It’s not possible.” I answered softly as well.

“It’s possible.” Ethan stood up, walking up closer to me.

“What will the winner get?” I asked him challengingly.

“The freedom and rights to brag. Simple.” Ethan stopped and bent lower to have the same eye level contact. “Don’t tell me you’re really scared princess.” He taunted.

I took a deep breath and looked at him straight into his eyes and answered, “You’re on Dolan.” With your smirk growing wider and wider. His eyes flickered to your lips for a mere second and looked away.

“Okay, then we should set some ground rules.” Ethan suggested. “I agree.” I nodded my head in agreement.  

“We should start by dating.” Ethan answered. I looked up to him and smirked. “Eager to have a date with me, Dolan?” He shook his head and chuckled.

“If we’re gonna date, you have to ask me out first.” I said smugly. He looked at me with his eyebrows raised and nodded his head, “Fair enough.”

“While we’re ‘dating’ you should not have any relationship with anyone.” I stated. “That goes to you as well, Y/L/N.” He said and I nodded my head.

“No one should know that this is a bet.” He said seriously, I looked at him confused. “There’s no fun in it if everyone knows this is just a game.” He answered and I nodded my head. “Okay.”

“How long are we going to do this?” I asked him, wishing that there will be a time limit. At least, I won’t have to deal with him anymore longer.

“Until one of us fall and admitted.” He answered and smirked.

ps: okay, this is not edited and i’m so sorry for any errors...i’ll try fixing them soon. this story is getting plain and i’m sorry for that... i’ll try making it up for part 3, i guess..

+

please somebody be my friend... :)

#dolan twins #the dolan twins #ethan dolan #grayson dolan #the dolan twins imagine #the dolan twins imagines #dolan twins imagines #dolan twins imagine #dolan twins fic #the dolan twins x reader #dolan twins x reader #the dolan twins fic #ethan dolan imagines #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan one shot #ethan dolan blurbs #ethan dolan blurb #ethan dolan fic #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan imagines #grayson dolan blurbs #grayson dolan one shot #grayson dolan blurb #grayson dolan fic #ethan dolan x reader #grayson dolan x reader #grethan #youtube #my writings #eth’s story

[mojave-misfit]

1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS

original by @belomihelps

taken from beth kinderman and nikki walker’s the 100 most important things to know about your character. a good list to help develop a character’s background, personality, and general aspects.

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name?  Charles Merle Quinn

Where and when were you born? Boston Massachusetts, October 13, 2050

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) Mother: Carmilla Quinn nee’ Merle. Occupation: None, Personality: Easily agitated, kind, and somber, Father: Malcolm Quinn. Occupation: Photographer, Manager. Personality: Distant, Workaholic, Kind

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? No

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. I live in Red Rocket Truck Stop with two robots, Ada and Winston, and Dogmeat. 

What is your occupation? Railroad Agent, Mercenary, and General of the Minutemen

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. 5′7″, 145 lbs., Caucasian and Pale, Jet Black Hair, Pale Blue eyes, Whatever isn’t too bloody, scar on lip and right eyebrow.  

To which social class do you belong? The living one

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? Easily tired

Are you right- or left-handed? Right-Handed

What does your voice sound like? (see Male Sole Survivor voice on YouTube)

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Sorry

What do you have in your pockets? Candy and a knife

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? Always picks up random things to build with, always having to have 5 packs of fancy lads snack cakes on hand, and never throwing away nuka cola of any variety. 

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general? Lonely. 

What is your earliest memory? Meeting my mother at 5 years old. 

How much schooling have you had? Bachelors Degree in Engineering

Did you enjoy school? No

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? Military

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. I always looked up to detectives. Basically anyone willing to provide justice to the world. 

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? I didn’t have any other family other than my mother and father. The neighbors kept me whenever my dad was gone and passed me around like potato chips. 

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be James Bond. 

As a child, what were your favorite activities? Petting cats and Reading

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? Quiet, Pyromanic, and Loner

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? No. I had a cat. That was it. 

When and with whom was your first kiss? It was Nora on December 24, 2066

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? No, I lost my virginity on my wedding night on...August 25, 2072. 

If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. Military training and the genuine will to live?...and my desire to avenge Nora and raise Shaun in peace. 

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Shaun being born. 

Who has had the most influence on you? My mother. 

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Being alive. 

What is your greatest regret? Er...I try not to regret much. I guess..Never saying goodbye to my mother. 

What is the most evil thing you have ever done? Other than killing a man for a pair of ugly sunglasses or burning my home down? Not sure. 

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? I set a man and then a house on fire. 

When was the time you were the most frightened? When I was seven and my mother tried to strangle me. 

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? Existing

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? I would live happily with my mother and father. That was my only wish as a child. 

What is your best memory? Either marrying Nora, Shaun being born, or meeting Hancock.

What is your worst memory? See most frightened above. 

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Realistic

What is your greatest fear? Another apocalypse

What are your religious views? Christian views, but I’m not very religious in general

What are your political views? Government in general holds too much power over people and too many corrupted individuals have held that power. 

What are your views on sex? *turns red* Er...well....only the 18 and consenting. 

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? *gestures to wasteland with a raised eyebrow*

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Enslave others

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Depends on how hopeful and/or drunk I am. 

What do you believe makes a successful life? Good friends, family, good food and drinks, and an unholy amount of turrets

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? Depends on who I am around. I’m a fairly honest person, but I can hide emotions when needed. I am who I need to be. 

Do you have any biases or prejudices? Dogs are always better than people. 

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? Enslave another person. Everyone should be able to decide how to live their own lives. 

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? I’d die for the Railroad’s goal and for the people I care about. 

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? I treat everyone with polite distance at first. If they are rude to me, I tend to be even more distant. If they are nice, I’m less so. 

Who is the most important person in your life, and why? Shaun. He’s my son. 

Who is the person you respect the most, and why? I respect Nick Valentine the most. He is just a genuinely nice person when he has every reason not to be. 

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. Rosa Stellata: Wonderful, Crazy, and Kind. Deacon: Sneaky Egg, Sad. Cait: Irish, Tougher than nails, Will kill you, Sad. Glory: Glorious, enough said. Drinking Buddy: He gives me Ice Cold Nuka-Cola I love him. Nick: Cool Synth Detective, Not a dick. Hancock: Perfect, Handsome, Funny, *goes on for about an hour*

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. Nora was my wife. She was..wonderful, smart, beautiful, kind, and strong. Hancock..*blushes* He’s a force of nature. I’ve never met anyone who made me so happy to simply be alive. 

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. Yeah. I've been in love with two people: Nora Cunningham, and John Hancock. Nora is in a better place, and John and I are still together.

What do you look for in a potential lover? Expressive eyes, a kind heart, and natural confidence. 

How close are you to your family? I was very close to Nora and Shaun. My parents? Much less so. 

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? Yeah...Nora was my wife. I already described her, so...My son is an innocent child.

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? No one. I don’t want to be a burden. 

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? Whoever I’m traveling with. 

If you died or went missing, who would miss you? I hope no one will, but maybe the rest of the Railroad and Hancock, at least a bit. 

Who is the person you despise the most, and why? The raiders at Nuka-World. They enslaved so many people...and that is something I can't forgive.

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? I avoid conflict when I can. 

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? No, but sometimes it just happens. 

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? No. too many people working for the same thing is dangerous. 

Do you care what others think of you? To a certain degree. 

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? I still love reading and petting animals. 

What is your most treasured possession? My wedding ring. 

What is your favorite color? Blue

What is your favorite food? Fancy Lads Snack Cakes. 

What, if anything, do you like to read? Magazines, books, blueprints, etc. 

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Watching other people try to kill things, reading, exploring, burning things, and the Red Menace game. 

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? I take med-x and psycho in emergencies and drink Nuka-Cola Dark on occasion. I have no desire to quit as I want to live a little on both occasions. 

How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Sorting through weapons, ammo, armor, and/or supplies. 

What makes you laugh? Something funny. 

What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Entitled people who think they are better than others due to money or status. 

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? Red Menace or rereading magazines

How do you deal with stress? Holotapes. 

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Spontaneous

What are your pet peeves? Everything has to be sorted into a certain container and I have to have 5 snack cakes with me at all times. 

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? Check ammo supply, go kill things, go kill more things, sell extra ammo and get usual ammo type, repeat until tired. Interruptions are welcome. 

What is your greatest strength as a person? Being okay with violence

What is your greatest weakness? Everything else

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would forget a lot of things. 

Are you generally introverted or extroverted? Introverted

Are you generally organized or messy? messily organized

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. Good: Building things, Modding weapons/armor, Shooting things. Bad: Explosives, killing mirelurk queens, dealing with people. 

Do you like yourself? No

What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) I want to help people. I want to see others happy. 

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Destroying the Institute, Marry Hancock, and see Shaun grow up to be smart and kind. 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Hopefully alive. 

If you could choose, how would you want to die? *shrugs* Burn to death? 

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Spend the day with Hancock, say goodbye to the Railroad, and bury Nora. 

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? Being a decent person/father. 

What three words best describe your personality? odd, shy, and kind

What three words would others probably use to describe you? odd, shy, and kind

If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…) (Forgive him.)

((Edit: Minor changes.))

#100 character questions #fallout 4 oc #this took an hour

[simplyoriginalcharacters]

Acidalia Planitia, Cipher

(Her full name and title is obnoxiously long- Acidalia Planitia e Alestra Harmonia Cipher et Aquilifer- but this is a setting where every name is obnoxiously long, so it doesn’t really matter.)

Background Info: Dalia is from a society called Eleutheria, a future Earth in the middle of a 3-way Cold War between two opposing rebel movements and the old government. They’re also at war with an alien race, but explaining the specifics is just too complicated here. The important bits are that it’s definitely dystopia- genetic mods are ubiquitous in the rich but nearly impossible to attain for the poor unless they’re forcibly given by the government, and every male child is enlisted in the military at birth. Women inherit their mother’s jobs, men fight until they die. Life expectancy is low not only due to the war and frequent deaths of kids barely old enough to fight, but also the complete lack of any safety regulations anywhere, frequent gang violence, and the rebellions killing each other’s members. So, it’s not great for anyone involved.

Name: She mostly just goes by Dalia or Acidalia. In this setting, names work in a weird way- Cipher is her title and Alestra is her mother's name, and they combine to make her full name. 

Gender/Pronouns: She/her, cisgender female. 

Sexual/Romantic Orientation: I suppose if you were to get into specifics, she’d be a heteroromantic asexual, but asexuality is pretty much expected in this society, so she mostly just calls herself straight and is done with it.

Age: 20 years

Birthdate: They don’t use normal Earth time, so it’s not something I really thought about. Birthdays aren't terribly important events anyway in this world- the majority don’t even know theirs.

Occupation: As her title says, she’s a Cipher. It’s kind of like a scientist who specializes in human DNA and genetic modification- a very, very wealthy and over-glorified scientist. Because the ability to literally manipulate thousands of other’s biology at will makes people rightfully scared of you, the Ciphers are the top caste in the system and wield immense power. The position is hereditary and has existed for centuries, and Dalia’s been studying it for years. However, she’s also an important figure in a revolutionary movement- her brother, a child soldier whose existence she wasn’t supposed to know of, was the one who brought her into the whole thing by showing her the injustice of how he and others were being treated. She has since become a very important figurehead (it’s not out of the ordinary; life expectancy is just so short a 20-year-old leader is nowhere near unheard of.)

Height: Tall; the upper class mostly is due to genetic mods.

Build: Average. 

Skin Tone: Olive.

Hair: It changes pretty often- unnatural hair colors are a symbol of wealth due to, again, genetic mods. It changes from orange to turquoise (neither of which is flattering) and then, once she stops having such easy access to luxuries due to war, it turns its natural black.

Eyes: Naturally brown. They used to be pink, but she hated them and thought they were creepy. 

Identifying Marks: She always wears white (color-coded castes) and usually copious amounts of jewelry. The blue hair was a pretty big identifying mark, but otherwise she’s not particularly recognizable to outsiders who haven’t seen her face on propaganda before. She does have a long scar up her side and one in her inner thigh (she got stabbed… long story) but it’s not usually visible to anyone.

Appearance: On propoganda, she’s usually portrayed as an almost goddess-like figure, but in actuality, she’s a lot more normal. She’s still graceful and elegant- highest caste- but also a lot more unsure of herself and blunt in person. She’s beautiful by the standards of the society she lives in, but pretty in an almost fake, uncanny-valley-like way (also due to genetic mods…) and very unapproachable seeming.

Personality: She lives kind of a double life- she has to act like the stereotypical, classist Cipher society expects of her in public, but also the fiery Revolutionary leader the people under her need to see. She’s been raised to be a ruler and a leader, but has come to see her citizens as her responsibility and something akin to her children instead of a group of idiots who are below her. She’s very protective of her younger siblings- the protectiveness for her brother, a child soldier, is what drove her to join a rebellion in the first place- and very quick to blame herself for anything bad that happens to them. She’s taken the message of “a government exists to protect its people” and applied it to herself, and she would do absolutely anything for her cause. She doesn’t consider herself inherently better than the people she’s leading, but does see herself as responsible for them and making their situation better, because it’s her family that caused all this suffering in the first place- and, as a Cipher, she’s one of the only people powerful enough to make a change. However, her self-sacrificial attitude and her unapproachable appearance make it hard for her to make friends with anyone, and there’s a certain degree of disconnect between her and the rest of the Revolution.

Motivations: To fix the mess her family started centuries ago- a three-way civil war, a war with an alien species, mass poverty, et cetera. Also to protect her younger siblings. (This goes horribly wrong, but she tried.)

Current Goal: To stop mass rioting that’s broken out as the civil war came to a head.

Life Goal: To restore a democratic government to the planet, or at least set up some scenario where life is better for her people. Best Quality: Classy, elegant, smart, and a good liar. Excellent at democracy and diplomacy, and can make incredibly powerful speeches. Her words can start- or end- wars. Inspiring to many people. Also, from years of programming DNA and studying past civilizations, she has an incredibly massive knowledge of biology and history.

Worst Quality: Can be patronizing when she acts like everyone else is her responsibility to take care of. Very unapproachable and bad at having meaningful social relationships. Very guilty about her family’s past and what happened to her siblings, whom she failed to protect. (Her little sister joined an opposing movement and her brother was murdered in an attempt to help Dalia. It didn’t work out for either side.) Blames herself for everything and can be a huge drag to other people- trying to talk to someone who’s heaped all of your own  issues onto her guilt is never fun.

Fears: Not being able to protect her civilization is a main one. She’s also terrified of coming face to face with the sister who betrayed her again- not because she’s afraid of being hurt, but because she’s afraid of having to hurt her sister. There’s also a soldier called TB-2116, a leader of an opposing rebellion and eugenics movement- he’s tried to kill her, is implied to have murdered her brother, and just generally unnerves her.

Hobbies: She likes chess and fashion/hair/makeup; one of her weird skills is finding clothes that are perfect for everything.

Talents: Years of living a double life have made her an excellent liar. She also has a rather pretty voice, and can play some future form of the piano, but rarely gets the chance to. The arts are considered trashy in this society.

Group/Organizational Affiliations: “The Revolution.“ 

Family: A brother, nicknamed Tee from his serial number, whom she isn’t supposed to know about. (The sexes aren’t supposed to mix, and especially not in high society.) A sister, Aleskynn, who isn’t supposed to exist (one daughter rule) and winds up betraying her. And her mother, Alestra, a member of the opposing eugenics movement. 

Best Friends: She was pretty close to Artemis, another Revolutionary member, but Artemis died. Her best friend is Andromeda, who is also another Revolutionary around Dalia’s age. She winds up getting pretty close to an alien politician named Raeilya, and becomes sort of a mentor to Lyra, a 16-year-old Cantator (a profession comparable to “actresses” in ancient Byzantine.) 

Relationship Status: Single and pretty OK with it.

Significant Other: None, right now. Dating and just romance in general aren’t very well-known or important concepts in a society where the sexes have been forbidden to mix and intercaste relationships are looked down upon. 

Other Relationships: Friends-is with a guy named David, a Martian farmer and a Revolutionary. Somewhat close to a slew of people: Athena and Ree, two budding astronomers, Atlas, another Revolutionary, etc. Is part of an intense one-sided rivalry with Cassiopeia, a woman who is just ever-so-slightly less powerful than her, and very bloodthirsty- they used to be friends, but Cass’s increasing hatred and extremism made them break apart. Influential Memory: Watching her grandmother Harmonia’s assassination as a child. Seeing Aleskynn’s birth (well, emergence from an artificial machine, but it’s pretty much the same thing in this world.) Nearly being murdered by TB-2116.

Role Model: Eventually, her late aunt Anya. Also, the mythical Great Elders- people who were said to have saved the world and founded the society thousands of years ago. 

Crush: Not a super huge one, but she thinks David is kind of cute. He’s in a committed relationship with someone else, and has two daughters (he’s 32, but shorter expected lifespans and lack of any sex ed make for young parents) so she knows it’ll never go anywhere and isn't bothered by it. (It’s less of an actual crush and more of an instinctive attraction to practically the first decent, non-family, not far too young or old guy she meets.)

Source of Embarrassment: Her family’s history of genocide, slavery at one point (not technically slavery, but pretty much slavery) and unethical genetic mods furthering the class divide. Her orange hair and pink eyes phase. Propaganda featuring her as a kid, mostly just because it looks absolutely obnoxious and manipulative, which it is.

Source of Pride: She’s an excellent leader and she knows it. She’s incredibly good at getting people to listen to her and empathizing with people who would normally dislike her. She’s also pretty proud of her singing voice, but it’s a talent she never really gets to show (the arts is not a well-respected field, and for a politician to take up painting/singing/dancing is considered rather trashy.)

Backstory: Acidalia was born to a wealthy Cipher woman called Alestra on Mars (thus, her name- calling a girl Acidalia Planitia is like calling a baby Sydney or Paris today.) She watched her grandmother get assassinated when she was 6 years old, which was the first time she realized the extent of the “slight unrest” her mother told her about. She was taught DNA mods, as well as the art of keeping a bunch of people subdued and in constant worship of you, Big Brother style. Her sister was born when she was 7 or 8, which was when she realized her mother's hypocrisy  multiple daughters was strictly banned, yet the Ciphers could do it freely. As a young teen, she met her brother for the first time, and quickly joined the revolution, rising quickly through the ranks due to a combination of her political skills and general knowledge others didn’t have. She there herself entirely into it, working a double life until she was 20. A murder attempt by Cass, TB-2116 and Alestra (complicated reasons) started an all-out civil war, and that’s where the main story begins.

This seems really long, I hope I wasn’t too overzealous. :)

Hello! Thanks for sharing Acidalia with us! Review will be under the cut.

My first question is what point of the war are we at when Acidalia’s story starts? Because you only have a little bit of time to establish the world, I’d like if you could get us right to where your work is about to open as far as her appearance, what she’s doing, etc. You can give us a bit more lead-up in the backstory, but everywhere should be as close to what she’s going to be like at page 1 as possible.

While I like that you’ve taken a lot of consideration into how she appears to others, I don’t know what she actually looks like besides tall and olive-skinned. This would be a good time to set up what the standards of beauty are in your universe. They don’t have to be the same as the beauty conventions of our world, but in a society which seems this heavily genetically modified, I’m sure that the societal conventions of beauty have also been heavily adjusted towards one ideal!

As far as Acidalia’s personality goes, you’ve done a very good job of nailing home the idea of her as a revolution leader. However, I think that you may want to take a little bit more time to describe the personality of her as an individual, rather than as a public figure. All you’ve given me so far in terms of personality is that she is protective and unapproachable. But those are things that people from the outside looking in would probably think. How does Acidalia feel about her position? Does she feel frustrated at times? Scared? Vulnerable? What makes her happy or contented? I feel like there may be more to her than just protective and hard to read. Even when you are telling us about her qualities and goals, try and figure this out from the perspective of Acidalia, who is, I’m assuming, a relatively young woman at the top of her social caste and also the figurehead of the revolution. How does she deal with that kind of pressure from day to day?

You give a very good idea of the people she has surrounding her–but there is a bit of inconsistency here. If all men are supposed to be conscripted into service, then I’m not sure how men like David would be around for her to connect with.

As far as her backstory goes–I feel like this should be longer in comparison to the rest of her profile. From what I know of Acidalia, I’m not sure why just knowing her brother was in the military would be enough for her to run off and join the revolutionaries. Also, you never really go into how her family is directly to blame for the dystopian landscape the world is in now, or how that affects her on a day-to-day basis. If she is working so hard to fight against it, I think we need a bit more information about how the events of her backstory have actually impacted who she is as a person.

Hopefully this is helpful for you moving forward! Please let me know if you have any questions!

- Choco

#SOC Critique #OC Critique #submission

[imaginexmeintheuniverse]

Talking to the Moon

A lovely anon requested: "hey im such a huge fan of your writing!! i was wondering if maybe you could do a peter x reader based off the bruno mars song 'talking to the moon' please? thank you so much if you do!!!"

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Stark!Reader

Warnings: very few swear words, mentions of implied death?

Word Count: 2, 651

Summary: Fast forward a few years from now, Reader is an advanced S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and Tony Stark's adopted daughter who's gone on an undercover mission and Peter Parker wishes there were things he'd said before they left.

Masterlist

A/N: This song is so good and I had too many ideas I couldn't sort them out which is why this ended up being a huge mess. I apologize in advance for this. The reader and Peter Parker are in their early twenties. I literally wrote this under the full moon which I think is pretty awesome. Also, as you may be able to tell, I've been catching up on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars

You've been gone for six months now. A little more than six months actually; 191 days as of tonight to be exact. 191 days ago, you got the offer to go on the undercover mission of a lifetime, the duration indefinite. 191 days ago, you had to leave immediately without so much as a goodbye to anyone. 190 days ago, was when you last communicated with the boy- now man, you are in love with.

The day after you were whisked away, you managed to slip an encrypted message through your adoptive father, Tony Stark, to let Peter know that you were okay. It was totally illegal and you spent the whole night encoding and encrypting when you should have been getting your rest for the mission.

You knew your father had the means to keep tabs on you throughout the project and you knew he'd give the team updates about you. You were never safe, but at least you were still alive. Little did you know, for the past two months you were totally off the radar and no one had any idea if your cover was blown, or if you were still alive.

For a while you didn't think you'd make it out. All you could think of in those moments, was that you might die without ever telling Peter how you felt.

I know you're somewhere out there

Somewhere far away

I want you back, I want you back

You never led a quote-on-quote "normal life". Your parents, who were also S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, were taken from you at a young age due to a mission gone awry. The number of agent casualties during that mission were the highest in a very long time, your parents included in the devastating death toll. They had trained you throughout your childhood, so when your skills were evaluated by the organization after their passing, you sent straight through the academic and recruitment process. Not long after being put in the system, they stuck you with Tony Stark for a bit and he decided to adopt you since you had lost everything, and he saw an unbelievable amount of potential on top of having grown to love having you in his life.

The academy was a boarding school, but Tony would bring you back to New York as often as he could. You grew up around the Avengers and considered them your family. Whenever you were over, you'd always hang out or train with them, leading you to acquire a wide variety of skills from each of them. As much as you love them all, you've always had a bias towards your dad's work with software and technology which was a large part of why you two got along so well. It was during one of your visits home that you had met Peter Parker.

Peter Parker has been in love with you ever since then. You weren't like anyone he'd ever met before. Besides the extremely impressive fact that you were a prodigy, having attended the academy at an earlier age than would normally be allowed, and graduating with honors. You trained with the Avengers while still attending the S.H.I.E.L.D. academy, and joined in on multiple missions. At first you assisted as Clint and Natasha's apprentice or under your father's wing (or sidekick as some may call it) for their individual missions, and now you had quickly grown to be your own hero as well as an official member of the team.

Being around the same age, you and Peter basically grew up together, seeing each other from your awkward teenage years to your still awkward young adulthood. Essentially being raised by agents your whole life, you were never the trusting type, but you trusted your father's judgment. If you're being honest, the first time you met Peter you couldn't quite believe that he was the friendly neighborhood genius from Queens your father told you about, because he face planted into a wall after seeing you. He was so stressed about making a good impression on you, that he somehow made the biggest fool of himself whenever you were around. At first you kept your distance from him like you would with any person you didn't know and observed his behavior. You brief social interactions consisted of you giving him short answers and curt nods, and him being a stuttering mess. He always maintained the excitement of a child and told really bad jokes which led you to worry that he might not be mature enough.

Eventually, you happened to come back home and came across him and your dad working in the lab. You watched them for a while before entering to greet them and he dropped a box of screws all over the floor. Witnessing how smart and professional he was while working, you decided to give him a chance. After all, you were both still teenagers and he just liked to have fun, but having grown up so quickly, you didn't know what that was like.

You soon found the thick walls you had built to protect yourself from the world crumbling down at the hands of the sweet boy with the big brown eyes. You had endless conversations about absolutely anything, but also felt most content in the comfortable silences. He charmed you with his sense of humor, bringing out the goofy side you didn't think you had.

When you'd fall asleep on the couch while marathoning the Star Wars movies he'd introduced you to, he took in all your features and how serene you looked when you're sleeping. He remembered every detail of all the stories or theories you've ever told him. During training, he memorized every way your body moves and was left flabbergasted at all the different ways you could kick his ass every time. He memorized the way your face changes when you were happy and the sound of your laugh as if it were the last time he'd see you.

He loves every bit of you and he never told you.

How could he not tell you? He saw you every day; when he'd go to the Stark Tower for work, during training, on missions, when you'd go out for lunch or hang out, and sometimes you'd even help him out with keeping the city safe. You spent all the time you possibly could together. Every time he would either forget about his insecurities and bask in the happiness you brought him, or he'd give himself lame excuses as to why he couldn't tell you, and later beat himself up about not being able to confess his feelings. You are best friends - or were- he doesn't know anymore and it's driving him insane.

The pressure of being a hero is getting to be too much for him. Crime rates have gone up recently, and when that happened in the past you'd always be more than happy to help him out. With you, he feels strong enough to save the world with you by his side and him by yours. Without you, he feels like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He wants you back.

My neighbors think I'm crazy

But they don't understand

You're all I have, you're all I have

Peter gets back to his apartment, hanging out on the fire escape after his nightly patrol. He stumbles, wincing as he slowly eases himself to a sitting position with his back against the wall. The jump in crime rate and the stress, not to mention the injuries that are adding up, are taking an immense toll on his body. He slumps down, taking a long and painful breath. He pulls out his phone, letting his thumb hover over the phone icon not knowing whether to bother or not. He can't give up.

He calls Tony, like he has every single day for the past two months, even though he had just been in contact with the man a few hours ago.

"Peter, I'm going to tell you what I've told you every day for the past two months: no one's seen or heard from Y/N. If anything changed I would tell you."

"Please, there must be somethingyou can do! Anything- Something we haven't thought of yet-"

"Listen, no one has heard from her, and none of us have the clearance to get that kind of information!" Tony snaps.

"Mr. Stark you don't under-"

"Understand?! She is my daughter! My pride, my joy, the one thing that doesn't make me feel like such an asshole when I go to sleep at night- And now I don't know if I'll see her again!" He sounds nonchalant and sarcastic like he usually does, but Peter senses the immense pain that lies underneath the surface.

"Please- I-I love her!"

Tony goes quiet on his side and speaks in a softer tone. "I know, Peter. I know." Peter's never heard Tony's voice so full of sorrow and he feels his knees go weak at the thought that something really bad might have happened. It was highly unusual for Stark to show that much emotion. Which is why Peter's heart hurt a thousand times more at hearing the pain of your father. "Peter, you need to concentrate on keeping the city safe right now. If there is even the least bit of trivial information that surfaces, you'll be the first one I call. But for now, you have a responsibility to this city."

"Yes sir."

After hanging up, Peter gets up and leans on the railing, burying his face in his hands with his elbows supporting his weight.

"I know it's pointless and I don't know why I keep doing this, but I don't know what else to do," he mutters to himself. He looks up at the moon, throwing his arms up in the air and releases a frustrated shout, "Give me some sort of sign!"

"Hey!" Someone calls from the street. "No one gives a shit!"

Okay... Not exactly the sign he was looking for, and yet he can't help but consider it as one. For all anyone knows you could be gone for good. He refuses to believe that. You've never given up on him and he sure as hell won't give up on you.

He can't give you up. He just can't.

You're all he has left.

At night when the stars light up my room

I sit by myself...

Talking to the moon

Trying to get to you

In hopes you're on the other side talking to me too

Or am I a fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon?

He sits on a chair that he's permanently left in front of the big window that leads to the fire escape as me places a bag of his choice frozen vegetables over his bruised ribs. It's become a ritual that he hasn't failed to complete every single day since you've been gone; call Tony for updates after nightly patrol, then pour his heart out to the night sky while he takes care of the damage done to his body.

"I don't know why I keep doing this either. Maybe I'm being foolish, but I hope you can hear me."

He had no idea how to tell you everything he feels for you before you left. So here he is, talking to the moon, telling it everything he wishes he could say to you, hoping that the moon will somehow deliver his messages and make you feel loved wherever you are.

"I miss you, your dad misses you, everyone misses you- but you probably already knew that," he starts, in a light tone as though he was pretending to be happy for your sake. "Aunt May's been worried sick about you. I told her you left for a long work assignment overseas- which I guess technically isn't lying to her, but she knows something's wrong. I think she sees it in my eyes every time I visit her without you by my side, and she still always has extra food prepared in case you do show up as a surprise or something." He chuckles, but the sound he emits holds more sadness in it than it does humor.

"I remember the first time I saw you smile; it lit up the whole room. I walked in on you reading a book in the compound's kitchen early in the morning. You were in you pyjamas; flannel bottoms and a large t-shirt with the pi numerals on it- I remember that moment precisely because it was the first time I saw you as just another kid my age. You always acted so grown up because your childhood was just another memory of time that was robbed from you. Anyways, I guess you read something funny because you smiled wider than I ever thought you could- it wasn't directed towards me, but it made me feel so happy." He feels the similar sting prick the back of his eyes.

And like he does every time,  he averts his gaze away from the moon, ashamed to have you see him cry. He fiddles with the frozen bag in his hands, and like he always does, he forces himself to keep going. "And the first time you smiled at me, it lit up my whole world. I knew then that I never wanted you to stop smiling, so I made it my personal mission to make you smile at least once a day." Peter watches his tears drip down, onto his bruised hands. "It was about the millionth time you had bested me in training, and you had me face-down on the mat. I don't know what made that time different, or if it was some dumb thing I said, but that day everything changed. Every time you beat me, I fell harder for you- Literally."

When he files through all his memories it's always bitter sweet. His happiest moments are with you, but when the daydream is over and he realizes that you're not there, it leaves a sour taste in his mouth. He sees you everywhere he looks, but when you disappear, he feels the back of his eyes sting. Thinking about how much he loves you but can't have you, it makes his heart ache. Lately, his thoughts of you bring him pain and he wishes it would just go away.

He rises from his chair and makes his way back out to the edge of the small balcony to get as close as he could to the moon; to you. "Every day, it gets worse out there, and I'm terrified. It's not about life or death, or getting hurt that I worry about anymore. What if I get injured bad and I forget even one single moment I had with you- I, I can't even imagine my life without you in it. I can only think of you and everything else is a giant blur." He looks all over the sky, remembering all the times the both of you would identify every single constellation you could see, and finally back at the moon that seemed to shine brighter than it ever had. "I love you more than anything, I hope you know that."

But he could never forget you. Even if he wanted to- which he would never, he couldn't. He knows that eventually, the pain will subside and be replaced by happiness. He knows that can't start until he gets past the denial stage.

Maybe it's finally time to move on.

"Goodbye, Y/N."

Just as his last tear falls and he turns to leave, something catches his eye in the street below. There's familiar silhouette of a person with their head tilted up to look at him and he can see the faintest sparkle coming from their eyes. The figure steps into the light of the moon, revealing their features.

It can't be.

There you are, looking up at Peter Parker with glassy eyes and a nostalgic smile. Your hair has been cut and dyed a different color, and you have fading scars and bruises all over your body, yet in Peters eyes, you are the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. He sees you and yet doesn't believe his own eyes. It's not until you speak that he realizes it's not just another dream.

"Peter?"

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #potatowrites #my writing #talking to the moon #bruno mars #tony stark #marvel #marvel imagine #avengers #avengers imagine #spider-man #spiderman #spider-man x reader #spiderman x reader #spider-man imagine #spiderman imagine #requested

[labellerose-acheron]

Belle Rose Beauton -- Character Sheet

and the heart is hard to translate / it has a language of it's own / it talks in tongues and quiet sighs / and prayers and proclamations in the grand days / of great men and the smallest of gestures / in short shallow gasps

but with all my education / i can't seem to commend it / and the words are all escaping me / and coming back all damaged / and I would put them back in poetry if i only knew how, i can't seem to understand it

Archetype — The Caregiver Birthday — May 6, 1993 Zodiac Sign — Taurus MBTI — ISFJ Enneagram — 5, the Investigator Temperament — Phlegmatic Hogwarts House — Ravenpuff Moral Alignment — Neutral Good Primary Vice — Envy Primary Virtue — Kindness Element — Earth

Overview:

Mother — Charisse Beauton (nee Dubois) Father — Maurice Beauton Mother’s Occupation — famous ballet dancer Father’s Occupation — inventor/clock worker Family Finances — lower middle class, verging on poor Birth Order — only child Brothers —  none Sisters — none Other Close Family — none Best Friend — Persephone Acheron (deceased), Hades Acheron Other Friends — Haku (deceased), Howl Pendragon Enemies — Yubaba Ono (deceased), Gaston La Beau Pets — Philippe, palomino percheron, 16 birthday present. He is 10 (b-day 2007). Vincent, black kitten, almost two. Baskerville, Black Shuck, and Bearer of Death, hellhounds. Home Life During Childhood — Happy, until her mother died. Her father fell heavily into depression, so Belle pretty much raised herself.   Town or City Name(s) — Swynlake, England What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — The same as it does now, for the most part. Floral wallpaper (white with light blue flowers), blue bedsheets, lots and lots of books. She has a window seat that looks out over her back garden and the forest beyond. Any Sports or Clubs — Nope. Favorite Toy or Game — Books, always. Though, she loves puzzles and taught herself to play chess (she used to play against herself to learn, isn’t that sad?) Schooling — Secondary education only. Favorite Subject — ??? All of them?? Maybe literature or history. Popular or Loner —  Loner. She was popular with the boys, but it made her uncomfortable. Important Experiences or Events —  Her mother’s death, her father leaving her. Health Problems — None. Culture — Smalltown English, Magick-friendly upbringing, French (but not much.) Nationality — French (mother) and English (father); born in France but raised in England. Religion and beliefs — She didn’t grow up religious, but she does believe things happen for a reason, that there is some Greater Purpose.

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim —  Emilia Clarke Complexion — perfect porcelain. She’s that bitch in high school who never had breakouts, but also wouldn’t care if she HAD basically she does not deserve her perfect skin. Hair Colour — Brown Eye Colour — Blue (with a golden ring around the pupils) Height — 5’2 Build — Belle is smol, kind of plump--definitely not skinny by any means, curvy. Tattoos — none but not particularly opposed Piercings — ear piercings Common Hairstyle — ponytail, belle almost always has her hair up, it is much more rare to see it down, though she usually has a couple strands that hang around her face because she wears the same ponytail for like two days straight sometimes and it just is a mess. Clothing Style — conservative, belle always wears her blouses buttoned up and doesn’t wear sheer clothing often. She usually wears skirts/dresses unless she’s riding or just having finished riding. Mannerisms — she plays with her hair a lot, tucks pieces behind her ears. She also folds her hands in front of her and fiddles with them if she is feeling especially nervous, but when she’s focused she can become super duper still to almost an uncanny level. Also, she bites her lips a lot. Usual Expression —

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — Nope! She’ll get the occasional sniffly cold, but that’s about it. And she absolutely loathes being sick. Physical Ailments — None. Neurological Conditions — Anxiety, but it’s pretty manageable since she’s generally a rational person. She can logic her way out of a lot of her triggers. Allergies —  none Grooming Habits — Belle doesn’t necessarily have bad grooming habits, but she definitely isn’t particularly concerned with being clean all the time. After she goes riding she’ll hang around in her dirty clothes and it doesn’t bother her. Sometimes she skips a day showering, eh whatever. She’ll wear the same sweater like two weeks straight and not even notice. Sleeping Habits — Belle is a light sleeper but it is easy for her to fall asleep, as long as she’s comfortable. In strange places it could take her a while because she’s not used to it. She sleeps curled up in a little ball on her side usually. Eating Habits — Belle loves fruit, especially apples. She’ll normally have an apple for breakfast that she eats as she walks to work, makes herself salad or a sandwich for lunch (sometimes spoils herself with Hatter’s). And always cooks dinner. She’s a by-proxy vegetarian. She’ll eat meat but since Hades is a vegetarian she’s kind of phased it out of her diet. Exercise Habits —  Goes horse riding almost every afternoon without fail (fight me this is 100% exercise) and she walks to and from work 6 days a week. Emotional Stability — 7 out of 10. Belle has her moments and she’s not entirely secure, but on the day to day she’s very good at taking things as they come and going with the flow, even if it upsets her later. There are very few things that trigger an extreme emotional response from her. Sociability — Belle can be quite friendly! The only times she really withdraws are if people are awkward/mean/standoffish. Then she has to analyze everything she says. It’s less shyness than a worry of saying something wrong, which is why when she’s comfortable with someone she will definitely chat their ear off. Body Temperature — Always cold. It’s a good thing she’s got a furnace for a boyfriend. Addictions — none Drug Use — never has, probably never will Alcohol Use — very occasionally; she’s only been truly drunk like 2 or 3 times in her life

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — not thinking she’s good enough, also bites at her nails sometimes, also is kind of absent-minded, she leaves dirty dishes in the sink. Good Habits — very caring, always looking after everyone. Best Characteristic — compassion Worst Characteristic — letting people walk all over her in order to be nice Worst Memory — oh gosh there are so many lmao uhh probably when Persephone died (the first time) Best Memory — the beach with Hades Proud of — her shoppe, her riding skills, her intelligence Embarrassed by — oh gosh lots of things but nothing like super concrete? Everything depends on the situation Driving Style — doesn’t drive, would like to learn though Strong Points — her compassion, her tenderness, her somewhat uncompromising nature Temperament — generally mild tempered, unless you rile her up and then watch out Attitude — she can be a little snobbish, but not on purpose Weakness — easily taken advantage of due to her trusting nature Fears — people leaving her, being useless; otherwise she’s pretty brave in the face of things Phobias — doesn’t have any, really. Secrets — uhhh her boyfriend is lord of the dead? Uhhh Belle doesn’t really have concrete secrets, but she doesn’t share her life with many people. Regrets — Letting Persephone die, not going with Hades when he exorcised Cassandra, not getting to say goodbye to her father. Feels Vulnerable When — she is alone Pet Peeves — people telling her what to do Motivation — to prove to people that she’s not useless Short Term Goals and Hopes — to be fuckin’ happy Long Term Goals and Hopes — she does want to travel eventually, and go back to school Sexuality — Belle is probably on the grey-ace scale, she’s not entirely interested in sex, though she does enjoy it when she has it. She’s definitely demisexual, and straight like 95% Day or Night Person — Day, but she’s become more of a night person Introvert or Extrovert — Introverted, unless you know her well, and then she’ll talk your ear off Optimist or Pessimist — Oh, definitely an optimist, it’s very hard to get her to feel defeated

Likes and Styles:

Music — Belle likes classical stuff, she doesn’t listen to a lot of music, but she’d probably like acoustic stuff more than anything else Books — lol im not even gonna start Magazines — pfft magazines, you mean fake books? Kidding, she likes things like the Times and National Geographic. Things that keep her plugged into the world. She has no use of tabloids Foods — Apples! Those are her favorites, but she loves fruits in general, and vegetables--she eats a good deal of salads. Drinks — Belle likes hot water with a little bit of lemon and honey, or tea, or water with a bit of lemon, she’s not a fan of sugary drinks, though she takes her tea with a bit of cream and one spoonful of sugar Animals — her favorite are horses, but Belle likes all animals Sports — Horse riding! Honestly, I think she’d have fun kicking a football around or going swimming Social Issues — Belle is extremely liberal, her motto is “as long as you’re not hurting anyone you can do whatever the hell you bloody feel like and no one should be able to tell you no.” Favorite Saying — “Don’t judge a book by its cover”, cliche, but so true for Belle Color — Blue! Jewelry — She has her mother’s costume jewelry that she wears to parties, otherwise she wears simple pearl earrings on the day to day and maybe a necklace (she has a lovely cameo necklace that she wears with relative frequency). Games — Loves chess and crosswords and things like that Websites — Pfft, she’s not a big internet person TV Shows — Doesn’t watch TV Movies — Doesn’t watch movies either Greatest Want — to be needed Greatest Need — to become confident

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — the house that her father left her; it’s a three bedroom cottage in the southwest side of Swynlake. She’s got a few acres of land too on which she has a little stable and a field for Phillipe. There is a lovely, overgrown garden in the backyard Household furnishings — Old, but not entirely outdated, she’s just never updated them. The floor is warped and the chairs in the dining room are rickety, but it’s cozy, even if everything is mismatched. There are clocks everywhere--clocks that tell time forwards and backwards and only move every hour and move way too fast. (Only one works properly, it’s in the kitchen, above the sink.) Favorite Possession — Her books. Most Cherished Possession — Pictures of her mother Neighborhood — She doesn’t have any neighbors near enough to see from her house because everyone has plenty of land. Town or City Name — Swynlake, Wiltshire County Details of Town or City — around 6,000 in population; university town; farmlands; magic friendly Married Before — nope! Significant Other Before — nope! Children — Opal Acheron, daughter (FC: Gravity Blue Smith/Mackenzie Foy), born: February 15, 2019 Relationship with Family — estranged from her father, who is her only family Car — none, does philippe count? jk Career — bookshoppe owner Dream Career — something that involves excitement and travel Dream Life — traveling the world and doing good in some capacity Love Life — dating Hades, though she hates the term “dating”; they’re very in love, even if it isn’t always happy or easy Talents or Skills — excellent horse rider, extremely fast reader, super smart, super analytical, a pretty good nurse, tbh Intelligence Level — very intelligent, almost to the point of accidental snobbishness Finances — she’s got like 5,000 to her name, make of that what you will.

Your Character’s Life Before Your Story:

Past Careers — none Past Lovers — none, though many people tried Biggest Mistakes — not speaking out more Biggest Achievements — she says none lol

#character sheet #about #inspiration #these keep getting longer #bc i keep ADDING CATEGORIES #i need to chill #also i scREAM about my fc on the daily #ugh my lil honey #i love my belle y'all

[duchesslablanc]

Mademoiselle Duchess LaBlanc  ╰☆╮ A Study

Archetype — The Creator Birthday — September 19, 1984  Zodiac Sign — Virgo  MBTI —ENTJ-T  Enneagram — 3, The Achiever Temperament — Choleric Hogwarts House — Slytherin Moral Alignment — Lawful Neutral Primary Vice — Pride Primary Virtue — Kindness Element — Earth

Overview:

Mother — Mademoiselle Josephine LaBlanc (nee Moreau) Father — Monsieur Charle LaBlanc Mother’s Occupation — Renowned opera singer Father’s Occupation — Lawyer/Member of Parliament Family Finances — upper class Birth Order — youngest Brothers —  none Sisters — Adelaide Bonfamille Other Close Family — Nephews, Tolouse Bonfamille and Berlioz Bonfamille, and niece, Marie Bonfamille Best Friend — Marjorie, they met in one of the multiple etiquette classes they were sent to and formed a quick bond that has lasted the test of time.  Other Friends — Margite, Josie, Nicolai, and various fashion designers. Enemies — Darla Sherman- The biggest brat and most ignorant person Duchess has ever met. Pets — Margot; hairless cat, given away after one year. Jacques; Connemara pony, sold to a stable seven months after her birthday. Cicily; white toy show poodle, gifted to her best friend Marjorie two year after receiving it. Snowball; white Turkish Angora cat that ran away two months after she was adopted. Home Life During Childhood — Filled with a certain sort of envy towards her older sister, while also being nurtured in the arts. To the outside world she was a happy child. A bit snooty but it was allowed because of her social status, almost encouraged even. Inside, though, she was a bit bitter and envious.     Town or City Name(s) — Paris, France What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — Her room was large and mainly white. There was a light blue accent around her walls and her her bed set was a soft lilac color. Though typically tidy, it was often cluttered with sketches and drawings of things that gave her inspiration.  Any Sports or Clubs — Nope. Favorite Toy or Game — Proper girls did not play games. They practiced their lessons and whatever art they were trained in. And Duchess did enjoy it. Her free time was spent drawing or painting, normally landscapes or whatever design popped into her head. Favorite Subject — Anything involving the arts. Music, drawing, painting. They were subjects that she thrived in. Popular or Loner —  Quite popular and she loved it. Important Experiences or Events —  Gaining her fashion empire at such a young age and then losing it only a few years later. Health Problems — None. Culture — Parisian, very neutral on the Magick front Nationality — French. Religion and beliefs — As a child she was raised to be a devout Catholic but she has broken away from it somewhat. She doesn’t exactly practice religion anymore though when she does go home, she attends mass like a good little girl.

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim —  Blake Lively Complexion — Her complexion is rather fair, she didn’t get very many breakouts during her younger years but that is only due to a very rigorous personal hygiene routine.  Hair Colour — Blonde Eye Colour —  A dazzling blue Height — 5’10 Build — Duchess is tall but lean and very toned. Her hips don’t lie and are on the more curvaceous side and she definitely uses it to her advantage. Tattoos — None Piercings — ear piercings Common Hairstyle — her hairstyle varies each day. Being in the fashion industry, she is aware that you must be constantly be changing. This applies very much to her hair as well as her clothing. More recently though, she has taken to wearing her hair in loose, cascading waves. Clothing Style — by Swynlake’s standards, she dresses to the nines nearly every day. Her attire consists of flowy sundresses and strappy heels or custom designed pieces.. Mannerisms — she fiddles with her fingers a lot and runs her fingers through her hair when she is frustrated. And her French is more likely to come out when her emotions are running high. Usual Expression —

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — She doesn’t typically get sick. Perhaps once a year she gets a rather severe case of something that lasts a week or so. Physical Ailments — None. Neurological Conditions — Any neurological conditions she may have are undiagnosed because proper ladies do not have illnesses and if they do they are not spoken of. Allergies —  none Grooming Habits — Duchess is almost religious with her grooming habits. She showers daily, multiple times if needed.  Sleeping Habits — It’s hard for Duchess to fall asleep most nights, though once she finally does she is a hard sleeper. She sleeps on her left side, curled into herself slightly. Eating Habits — She’s a picky eater. For the longest time she would only eat meals cooked by her child hood chef or her nanny. It was so bad that she couldn’t be taken to fancy restaurants because she would throw a fit about the food not being right. As she grew older, her tastes grew more refined, though her meals still had to be prepared in a certain way. Now when she goes out, she’ll only eat certain things that she knows cannot be screwed up and if that plate is not offered, she will do thorough research on the chef to ensure they are up to par. Exercise Habits —  When home, Duchess walks just about every where. The town is much to small for her to commute any other way. She also has a personal trainer she sees three times a week. She’s gotta keep that rockin’ bod somehow. Emotional Stability — Outwardly? 10 out of 10. Duchess will appear stable to anyone. She’s got this persona that says she has it put together all the time. Behind closed doors, though, she’s not nearly as stable as she pretends to be. Sociability — Duchess is 100% a social butterfly. She would chat up the Pope if she had to. It’s an ability that was instilled in her when she was very young. You couldn’t make connections if you were afraid to talk to people. Body Temperature — Normal typically. Though, she is not much fond of cold. Addictions — none Drug Use — none Alcohol Use — She drinks socially, typically. She’s also one of those people to have a glass of wine with nearly every meal. She very rarely gets drunk. Only if she is with her girl friends back home.

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — Being a downright bitch? That’s like the biggest one. Or the most glaring one. Others include the notion that she is better than anyone without as many connections as her and thinking that anyone that isn’t her family is not worth her time. Good Habits — She is fiercely loyal. Once she decides that she cares about you she will do all she can to ensure you have the best and are taken care of. You can basically do no wrong in her eyes. She’ll stand behind you 1000% always. Best Characteristic — compassion Worst Characteristic — being an uppity bitch thb Worst Memory — The day her entire world came crashing down. She can still remember the confusion when her card got declined while trying to purchase fabrics, the absolute furry when she contacted her bank and found out that all of her funds had been removed from her account, and the all consuming sadness that everything had been stolen from her. Best Memory — Easily her first runway show. There was so much pride and adoration put into it. It was the first time she felt that she was better than Adelaide. The first time she felt like the brightest star in her family. Proud of — her niece and nephews, her own accomplishments. Embarrassed by — the fact she let a man rip everything from her. Driving Style — Ha. As if Duchess drives anywhere. That’s what her chauffeur is for. Strong Points — Her fierce and often unbreakable will, her loyalty, and her drive. Temperament — she can be a fiesty one if you piss her off. Other than that she walks around with this general sense of urgency and mild annoyance. Attitude — Hands down if she doesn’t like you she is gonna be an uppity bitch. But she can be very lowkey about it if she needs to be. If she likes you then she’s more apt to be kinder and more gentle. In the press, she’s aloof and teasing. Weakness — her own pride and suspicion. Fears — being taken advantage of by someone she cares about. Phobias — doesn’t have any, really. Secrets — technically everything in her personal life is a secret. She doesn’t typically share too much and what she does, she reveals on her own terms. Regrets — Being foolish and trusting someone she barely knew to help run her business. Feels Vulnerable When — when she’s in a room full of people without someone there with her to ground her. Pet Peeves — incompetence, being told what to do (unless its her Papa), having to conform to someone else’s visions.  Motivation — to prove that she is better than her older sister. Short Term Goals and Hopes — to produce a new fashion line and make a come back in the fashion world. Long Term Goals and Hopes — to find someone she can share her success with when she regains her rightful place in the fashion industry. And to rub her sister’s nose in it. Sexuality — She is very much heterosexual. She can appreciate the female form but she does not harbor any sort of sexual attraction. Day or Night Person — Duchess makes the most out of every single day, no matter what time it starts or ends. Introvert or Extrovert — She’s a good mix actually. Extroverted when absolutely necessary and very much introverted when she’s at home. Optimist or Pessimist — She is a realist. She used to be an optimist when she was younger but that was stolen from her when her world crashed around her. Now, she very much focuses on what is real and possible.

Likes and Styles:

Music — Duchess enjoys classical music and some French jazz. She normally has a French composer playing lowly in her home just to squash silence. Books — She reads a lot of historical things on some of her favorite designers. Other than that it is fashion magazines and the old classic love stories. Magazines — Vogue and anything heavily saturated in the fashion world. She has to stay on top of the game. Foods — Her nanny’s coq au vin. For the longest time it was the only coq au vin she would eat. Even to this day, she will visit the old woman and they will have that for their lunch. She’s promised that when she passes, Duchess will get the recipe.  Drinks — Perfectly aged sweet wines. Animals — Her favorite animal is the Persian cat. She had one when she was very young and very immature. But it was her favorite animal for all of a couple of months. Until it ran away. Sports — No thank you. Social Issues — Often controlling her annoyance and her silver tipped tongue Favorite Saying — “Fashion changes, style is forever’. Color — As an artist she adores each color. Though it has been said that she favors blue. Jewelry — Believe it or not she does not wear a bunch of jewelry nor does she have a lot. She has some pieces that were gifted to her by friends and designers wanting her to endorse them but she wears that only to events. Games — She is quite adept at croquet. Websites — Vogue.com TV Shows — She doesn’t typically watch much television. Movies — Old silent films or French independent films. Greatest Want — to be better than her sister. Greatest Need — to be wanted.

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — She has a large home in The Woods where she resides in Swynlake. It’s very large and way more than she needs but it is a place she fell in love with. She’s currently in the process of getting it all decorated and repainted to her own specific liking. Household furnishings — Very chic and minimalist. She has a lot of paintings and professionally taken photographs hanging in very lovely and intricate silver frames. Favorite Possession — Her closet Most Cherished Possession — She has a signed photograph of Gabrielle Bonheur "Coco" Chanel, it’s in a frame in her work room and she swears that it has been nothing but good luck for her. Neighborhood — She doesn’t typically associate with her neighbors. But the ones she has met have been perfectly lovely. Town or City Name — Swynlake, Wiltshire County Details of Town or City — around 6,000 in population; university town; farmlands; magic friendly Married Before — not at all. Significant Other Before — Nicolai. Children — Not yet hehehe Relationship with Family — She has a love/hate relationship with her parents and she honestly can’t stand her sister. She adores her niece and nephews though. Car — She doesn’t drive therefore doesn’t need a car. Career — Fashion designer. Dream Career — She is doing what she’s always dreamed of doing. Dream Life — She’s basically living it right now. All she needs is a husband and children. Love Life — She has a tingling feeling about Thomas O’Malley but she will not act upon it until she’s completely sure he isn’t out to use her.  Talents or Skills — fantastic clothing designer. Very adept at painting and drawing. Intelligence Level — she’s quite smart. She did attend uni and do quite well. Finances — Yeah, she’s like filthy rich. It’s ridiculous.

Your Character’s Life Before Your Story:

Past Careers — none Past Lovers — she has had many lovers. Her most remarkable is Nicolai, the man that accompanies her to many events. They were very much in love, or she was, and were together for nearly three years before calling it quits. Nicolai found love elsewhere, a man named Carlos, and while it stung to be left for a man, Duchess and Nicolai have remained close friends. Biggest Mistakes — being taken advantage of. Biggest Achievements — achieving her high status in the fashion world at such a young age.

#☽ aesthetic ☾ #after 84 years I finally finished this

[dragonracer]

Suicide and Mental Health

This is a very long post. Warning you in advance. But it's a topic that's heavy on my heart and it needs to be heard.

I don't usually discuss serious issues on social media because serious issues almost always devolve into political issues, which then devolve into incoherent screeching from both sides in an effort to see who can out-screech the other, at which point there is no longer a conversation and instead just a gigantic stressor added to your life.

But this topic is important to me and with yet another big suicide showing up all over my timeline and newsfeeds, I just need to say it. To put it out there in the world. Even though it will not change a damn thing and will simply be me screaming into the empty void. But it needs to be said: not only does the healthcare system in this country absolutely suck, the mental healthcare situation is even worse.

I lost my mother to suicide five years ago. It occurred from a mix of her own despair and failed systems. She was full-time caregiving for her parents because professional assistance was too expensive. My father was laid off due to company downsizing during a down economy and struggled to find employment, which meant he and Mom survived on unemployment and, when that ran out, got by on what remained of their savings, credit cards, and whatever assistance could be had by friends and family.

Which also meant no healthcare and no anti-depressants. Considering Mom had been diagnosed with clinical depression from a fairly early age, she needed them. My Dad's industry experienced a lot of fluctuation when I was growing up, so he had to endure many lay-offs (never his fault) and find new businesses in his field of profession, and those in-between times meant no health insurance. And even at a young age, I recognized Mom with her medication and without her medication.

Towards the end, she began to swing more and more wildly in her moods than ever before. I suspect more mentally was going on than just lack of anti-depressants, but I'll never truly know. And she had no access to help - be it physical or mental - because this country simply doesn't care about that... or if you're seeking free or discounted assistance, then you must be a deadbeat who is taking advantage of the system, just another hungry welfare mouth to feed (oh, hi, the start of my talk on stigmas as well).

I did my best to try and play "free counselor" with her over the phone every day. But I was ill-equipped to handle that sort of burden. I have no professional training in counseling or psychology.

And I DO NOT handle conflict well. At all. Mom suffered incredibly bad self-esteem issues. Which translated into not being able to really disagree with or argue with her without it being interpreted as a personal insult. I love my Mom. I always will. But it's only looking back on my childhood now over 30 years later that I realize I went through some level of psychological abuse. Totally unintentionally on her part, I know in my heart of hearts. She couldn't help it. And most of the time, Mom bled unconditional love. But when she was upset, the guilt trip to be had was a sight to behold. The very last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her, and so I grew up a life of walking on eggshells. Being careful with what I said. Often not expressing my own thoughts or opinions if they might conflict with hers. Dad has no fault in this whatsoever because he was living it, too, and trying to do much the same as me.

Anyone who knows me well has seen the effects of this. I don't talk out loud much. Even in family settings or coworker lunches, when everyone is sharing stories like normal people, I'm more comfortable being the quiet listener. And as soon as there is any conflict, I get extremely uncomfortable. It's why I avoid politics - raised voices make me uneasy, hell, I start feeling stressed just READING political threads, so I avoid them. And anytime I end up unintentionally in an argument or am fussed at for something, tears start. Like a damn child. But I literally cannot help it. I have spent my entire life trying at every turn to either avoid or de-escalate conflict... and it goes back to a childhood of trying to keep my mother on an even keel.

So, trying to calm her down from the ledge almost every day near the end was draining. So draining. And there was no help I could give her, no services I could really point her to for help at the time. I (stupidly) did not think she would actually go through with suicide because she had talked about it off and on my whole life. And you know what "they say" - if someone says it a lot, they're just seeking attention. Well, "they" are incorrect. At that point, what I SHOULD have done was had her Baker-Acted, but there's that whole fear of conflict again... I knew they'd throw her in a pen for three days and then she'd be right back out with NO HELP and then super-pissed off at me for doing that to her. Like, relationship-ending levels of pissed. That was my fear. Irrevocably ruining our otherwise very tight and very loving (if flawed in ways) mother-daughter relationship. So, I didn't. Because I feared the potential conflict. It is something I will regret my entire life... because had I tried that, at least I could then say "I did everything I possibly could". But I didn't.

It reached a point where I was so mentally and emotionally shaken by all this that in our final confrontation (online at the time), I refused to answer my phone when she called. The only time I never answered her. I called it tough love at the time. Something I had never tried with anyone because... again... me and conflict, cannot deal.

About an hour later, she ended her life.

After the hazy days of shock and the memorial service, I was losing my mind with grief, guilt, and anger. I was angry at her. Angry at God. Angry at the lack of help and services that could have potentially prevented all this. And I absolutely HATED myself. I held no greater anger than at my inability to have saved her, for not answering the phone and trying (as I'd successfully done so many times before). It didn't matter that my brain logically understood I was not at fault; my heart was broken, and that's all I could feel.

I looked online for grief support groups. There wasn't really anything locally that was either a) active or b) wasn't during work hours. But I HAD to talk to someone. Someone professional. Someone who had no previous ties or connection to me or my situation. I needed an outsider's perspective to keep the guilt from eating me alive. I saw a listing for a suicide grief support group at inconvenient times at Haven Hospice and drove out there. A very sweet counselor there admitted their group would be ill-equipped to help me - it was intended for people "further down the grief road", not freshly-introduced like me - but she let me talk and vent in her office and she offered as much support as she could, bless her, and told me to see if my workplace offered any services.

So, I did. Our ad director at the time handed me a little card with a hotline associated with our healthcare insurance agency. I explained my situation and they set me up with a counselor for a free six-week session. That is, sadly, the only positive thing this entire system provided.

I visited this counselor once a week for six weeks. She was... somewhat helpful, somewhat not. I don't feel like we were a very good fit at all, but she was the only one our emergency hotline plan would send me to. And ironically enough, that's all she took from them... for long-term, she didn't accept the insurance company my workplace uses and so if I wanted to continue my sessions past the six free weeks, I would have to pay in full out of pocket. Which was gonna be roughly $200 weekly that I didn't really have extra to spend.

After six weeks, I was cut loose. Because you totally move right past suicide survivor trauma in just six weeks, right? Ha. Haha.

I looked online for ANY counselor that might accept our insurance. I needed help. More importantly, I recognized that and wanted the help. I ignored the stigma that goes along with people seeking out a counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist. The stigma of being viewed as either crazy or weak. The stigma that exists for mental situations, but not physical... nobody views you oddly or as being weak for seeing a doctor when you're sick or injured, but if you're suffering something mentally?

I found very few who even accepted insurance at all, and none who took ours, and without the extra $800 a month to spend on my mental health out-of-pocket, I simply endured. I had no choice. I found an online forum for suicide survivors and that helped a little bit for a while. But as time moved on, I had to leave. Seeing the newly grief-stricken day after day merely reopened raw wounds and I could find no healing there, only other lost souls who couldn't find professional help and desperately turned to strangers online for at least the comfort of camaraderie in the world's most awful club.

Fast-forward to this year. I found myself in a mentally toxic work situation. I had taken a different position and it was NOT working out at all like I had hoped. What I originally viewed as a challenge and maybe an opportunity to expand myself spiraled into the worst possible decision. I ultimately realized I was not cut out for sales. At all. Because it's 90% rejection, 10% successes. And even the wins didn't feel good because there were so many not-wins. I felt out of control of my life. I felt like a failure. And in that kind of position, you often have to deal with angry people for reasons that you were not responsible for, but you were "the face" to yell at. Yeah, that whole conflict thing for me again... I was undone. I cried in my car a lot. Coworkers found me sobbing in the bathroom an embarrassing number of times. I was in constant stress mode physically and mentally and I feared it would eventually take a toll on my health. I was always fighting with everyone in my life and coming home in SUPER BITCH mode to my poor husband. I was not "me". Not by a long shot.

I was in such a bad state. But I also felt trapped. I didn't want to die, but I did want to simply "not exist". At least for a little while. I needed help. I would have LOVED to have some sessions with a counselor. But Google searches told me the same sad story as I experienced five years ago: nobody takes your insurance, if they take insurance at all, and considering I was constantly 10 seconds away from rage-quitting in desperation at any given moment, I wasn't gonna be blowing wads of cash for mental health out-of-pocket.

Thankfully, a new position opportunity opened up at work that was a MUCH better fit for me, so I received the escape I had desperately been seeking. Today is such a 180 from three months ago that words don't do it justice.

But what if that hadn't happened? What if I was still clawing inside my head? With no real access to professional help?

I get angry every time I read about a suicide. Because I know exactly what it does to those left behind. But I also can't lay much blame on the soul that was hurting so badly that their pain blinded them to anything else... because what freaking HELP do they really have? Friends and family can only do so much - if either is even in the picture (some people aren't so fortunate). A suicide hotline is better than nothing, I suppose, but that seems like trying to put a bandage on a severed limb... it might be helpful in the short-term, but what help exists long-term? If they have no insurance or their insurance isn't accepted by counselors, how can they get help?

"Well, that's no excuse for the mega-rich, they can afford it!" And that absolutely is an understandable response. Other than even if you CAN just blow wads of cash for non-insured treatment, you still get to deal with the lovely stigma of being "weak" or "crazy". Because mental health is not viewed the same as physical health. People don't get it. You're simply expected to "be strong" or "man up". On that note, I imagine it's even WORSE for men because you guys are often reared to "not cry" and "be a man" and essentially have it drilled into your skull that feelings are bad and belong solely to the realm of women.

I get angry every time I read about a suicide. Because that mental health stigma immediately rears its ugly head every time, with every comment about the act being selfish. Because while it absolutely is selfish on some levels, at the end of the day, this was a person who fucking needed HELP and either could not get it or was too afraid/ashamed to try and get it, most likely. The system failed them, but instead of us getting righteously angry about THAT, we victim-blame instead.

Our healthcare system SUCKS. Our mental healthcare system is essentially non-existent. And I think that makes me angry more than anything else.

/ridiculously long rant... if you made it through all that, thank you

#worlds longest rant screaming into the void crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal RIP Chester