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rqnvindr · 3 years

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delicacies

pairing: baker!childe x gn!reader

genre: fluff, modern bakery!au, suggestive

w.c: 1.5k

warnings: making out lol

synopsis: moving to a new country was quite the adventure. and you found new areas to travel further within the cute boy right down the road’s ocean eyes.

it had been a total of two weeks since you arrived in italy. getting settled was your top priority, but now that you’ve got your place set up and are getting used to college life in a new country, it was about time you started checking off some of the more leisurely activities on your checklist.

the streets were clearer, less busy than usual, on the weekend you enter the bakery. it seemed like an unpretentious, small business, with the simple, yet homely, beige walls and the old vinyl in the corner playing soft tunes. the bell rings when you enter, but no one seems to be behind the counter when you examine the array of cakes in the front display.

“welcome! i can help you when you’re ready to order!” a perky male voice interrupts you in the middle of eyeing a slice of strawberry cake. you look up to see a ginger with a warm smile, the crinkles around his blue eyes genuine.

“hello! i was hoping to get this slice of cake right here.” you point to said strawberry treat.

“ah yes. my older brother has been WAITING for someone to try his new signature strawberry cake. but there honestly can’t be anything special about something that tastes the same no matter what.” you can practically hear the way he rolls his eyes as he takes the cake out to put it in a box.

you raise an eyebrow. “complaining about your own products? that doesn’t seem like a very good marketing strategy, but i suppose reverse psychology will do its job.”

“you sound like you know about sales quite a bit.” he smiles wryly. “are you a business major?”

“yup! i actually just moved here to study at the local university for an overseas program.” you only knew this guy for a maximum of 30 seconds, and he had already seemed so open and was able to read you like a book. it made you want to know more about him in exchange.

“so your family bakes everything here?” you ask.

“yes we do! my parents usually do the baking while my siblings and i work varying shifts here up front or stocking up the inventory. but we too, also experiment with different recipes to sell new things.”

you hum in response. “you must have a lot of siblings then.”

the boy chuckles in response. “i do. i don’t know what i’d do without them.” he sounded so happy while talking about his family and it made you feel warm just hearing about how they worked together.

“is this a competition for how much we can learn about each other within a span of a few minutes.” he smirks. “when we haven’t even learnt each others names yet?”

you inspect his attire, pausing at a name tag pinned to his shirt pocket. “ajax? nice to meet you, i’m (y/n).”

“well, (y/n), hope to see you again after trying my brother’s cake. hope it makes you realize that you gotta go for the chocolate or vanilla, not something that wasn’t meant to be a dessert in the first place.”

“i mean it was good so i came back for another one?” you can’t help but laugh when the same boy you met at the counter last week shakes his head.

“and you came to order right around closing time too, huh? guess this makes you a new challenge for me.” you avert your gaze to the ground, suddenly feeling nervous from his chastising.

“fine, you can lose the pouty face. i’ll accept your questionable taste just this one last time.” he pushes his hair back with a sigh after packing up your order and you catch yourself staring.

and of course, just when you allow yourself to indulge in the sight of a mysterious sea of unanswered questions in his blue eyes, he locks eyes with you. he knows you’re checking him out, causing him to smirk coyly.

“ajax,” you begin, preventing the atmosphere from heading somewhere more tense. “have you lived here all of your life?”

“as a matter of fact, no i haven’t. my family has been around, but i think we’ve finally found where we’re supposed to belong here. i’ve been living here long enough for people to start calling me by two different names too. ‘tartaglia’ and also ‘childe’.”

hm. so he was attractive and went by multiple names....

“‘tartaglia’? interesting, sounds like you’ve even earned yourself a name amongst the locals here.”

“i don’t know why they named me after the guy from that one play, though. maybe it’s because i leave a little bit of a stutter in people’s lives.” childe winks.

stutter, huh.

you thought he was just being a boastful young man. until you found yourself just happening to visit the bakery during times you predicted he’d be there.

childe was like a peacock strutting his stuff out in the open, captivating, and divine. you had never met someone so adventurous yet down to earth at the same time. one moment he’d be bragging about his ventures with his friends, and then next thing you knew he’d do a 180 if his little brother called in the middle of your conversation.

it wasn’t just his actions. he grew more bold with his words too. eyes shooting stars as he looked you up and down, noticing the new outfit you wore just for him when he purred about how good you looked and how it was always a treat to have someone as sweet as you visit after a long day at work.

he was always full of surprises. you’re reminded of that when you find him standing behind the counter in a hoodie and jeans instead of his usual work attire.

“what’s up? disappointed that i’m not wearing the apron?” childe exits the space separating you two, and stands dangerously close to you. “don’t worry, i can put it back on when i show you the new frosting i’m working on.” he chuckles and rubs your shoulder, the small exchange of body heat making you feel warm all over.

“a new product, huh? is this to help your family business or to compete with your siblings?” you watch him count the cash at the register with your hands tucked underneath your chin.

“sweetheart, even a guy like me can take on baking as a hobby rather than just a way to make ends meet or pick fights.” with that, he slides the cash register drawer closed. “come on, it should be processed by now.”

you slowly follow childe into the back. as promised, he puts the apron over his casual clothes, the sight rather domestic.

he dips his finger into the light pink frosting after giving it one last stir and licks it off. the sight makes you shiver and lick your own lips.

“mmm. so i guess strawberry does taste pretty good. if done right of course.”

“what made you change your mind, mr.strawberry-anti?” you smirk.

“baking is a delicacy. i was never a ‘strawberry-anti’, just wary of how it’s supposed to mesh with desserts for the sake of compliancy. i made this frosting to test it out some more, and as a special treat. for you.”

before you can receive his gesture to claim your treat, childe gives you the same glimmering look that he always uses before pulling at your heartstrings even further.

and it becomes way too much for you to handle when he leans his face closer to yours.

“here, have a taste.” childe teasingly presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth. he continues to leave gentle pecks on your lips, and you let out shaky breaths every time he pulls away.

“why did you stop?” you whine and he hovers over your entire body this time, pushing your hips onto the counter.

“hm, not enough? come closer then.” you wrap your arms around his neck, this time, getting a real taste of his creation when he claims your mouth whole.

you grip onto his hair when he adds more pressure into the kiss, pulling especially harder when he nibbles on your bottom lip. as if having unlocked the key to your greatest depths, he effortlessly slides his tongue into your mouth, and you moan upon tasting the lingering strawberry flavor mixed with the feeling of your tongues connecting.

much to your dismay, you both pull away for air. your breaths mingle hotly before he coaxes you into taking a bit more for yourself. not long after you savor the sweetness, childe’s lips are back on yours. the way he sucks the cream off your lips makes your head spin, making you forget about everything else but this one boy in front of you, the mystery boy in a foreign country who sent you through a rollercoaster during only your first month of living here.

“ajax...” you breathe out his name when he lets go of your now swollen and red lips. the boy proceeds to kiss your cheek and jawline gently, laughing softly against your skin.

“i can’t help it, baby. it tastes even better on you.”

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #childe x reader #childe fluff #childe imagines #childe scenarios

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solomonish · 3 years

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Solomon Headcanons

I didn’t like my old headcanons for him and I think I have a slightly better feel for him so I’m posting these bad boys. Maybe at this rate I’ll just post Solomon HCs every month

Also this turned into more of a “I’m going to talk about Solomon in depth and maybe throw in one headcanon about kissing him” and is no longer “lol what kind of dates do you go on? <3″ so uh. do with that what you will. It’s also SUPER LONG (or feels that way) so make sure you have a hot second to read them

you can find my for real headcanons for him here but I don’t necessarily stand by them anymore? They’re just there for fun now lol

Solomon’s Relationship With Relationships

Solomon has been alive for...a long time, and with that naturally comes a lot of experiences, negative and positive. It’s also natural that it would also have him break out of traditional structures regarding...everything, but especially things regarding relationships and specific other people.

(Not to get sociological or philosophical about society or whatever, but the way we view everything is accented heavily by the end. With exceptions, and this certainly varies from culture to culture, but as a general idea, we view things expecting them to take place over the span of 70-100 years. Certain positions in politics or business or something try to look at things generationally, but how capable of that are we and how far ahead can we truly see?)

(What I mean to say is that immortality naturally shifts the entire context in which you would view things that were expected to be “lifelong.” What once existed to enrich a life is now a tether to a system that doesn’t necessarily suit his existence.)

Psychologically, however.....I don’t think Solomon has tried to (or even can) rewire himself entirely to the point where he doesn’t feel love. He’s already got a fondness for Simeon and Luke (always crying about him calling them “dear friends” in the circus event i don’t know if he says anything in the lessons because i’m only on like 21 LOL) so he’s clearly capable of fondness and affection.

Not that those should equate exactly to romantic feelings (because they shouldn’t), but there’s undeniable similarities between platonic and romantic affection and, for the purposes of speculating about an immortal’s capability to still feel both, I think they can be equated in this regard.

There are a lot of assumptions I’m making about him to make this post, namely the following: that there is still reconciling to be done internally between his immortality and humanity, that Solomon’s composed and confident nature is a bit of a front (only a bit - I’ll explain more later), and, related to these two, that he even cares about humanity and that he still wants to preserve his humanity.

While this might be my perspective as a regular human, I really don’t believe that the desire to be human and fully encompass what that means has left. If anything, I think his intrinsic desire for knowledge and power stems from it, and he’s just suppressed the “mushier” emotional parts of that as a sort of....defense mechanism, if you will.

SO the tl;dr of this is that you know how alloromantic people just like feel in love and they get their romantic crushes and it’s natural and they can’t control it? Solomon gets that! He just isn’t the type to swoon over someone or really make it known.

He also as a person is big on being manipulative shady and in control, so if he were to just be super obvious about having a crush on someone and not being able to do anything about it, that would sort of tarnish his whole image.

So yeah, I think Solomon just has his emotions on a tight leash when they probe to be out of control. Clearly, he doesn’t have every part of him under this sort of watchful eye (whether that’s because he still wants to feel genuine happiness or he knows if he came across as emotionless and calculated people would trust him even less, I haven’t decided), but those that cause trouble stay behind locked doors.

Additionally, I don’t think Solomon is opposed to falling in love. I’d bet he’s had lots of different partners over the years and remembers them fondly (you know, assuming they ended well)

I also think his immortal status makes dating different? I feel like doesn’t really date to find a life partner because. well. (gestures).

That’s not to say that he doesn’t date casually sometimes or something. In the terms of a serious romantic partnership, though, it’s rare that it happens because he knows that it’ll die with them (and stay within him for probably forever, even if/when there comes a day he can no longer remember their name or their face).

Another assumption I’m making that I forgot to mention: I think it’s rare that Solomon’s serious, long-term partners know the true extent of the magic he dabbles in. Maybe he lets them know it’s real magic, or he pretends it’s all show magic and parlor tricks. Sometimes he pretends his pact marks are tattoos, sometimes he tells the truth. If ever these confessions are laughed off, he laughs them off too and creates a cover story.

He doesn’t intend to lie, but it’s very difficult to meet someone and explain........all of THAT. On which date to you mention that you can control 72 demons? Do you send a card explaining how you’ve been alive since Biblical times and you’re not even sure if you birthday is your real birthday anymore, let alone how old you are? And should that card be store bought or homemade?

So while it’s rare for Solomon to have a serious romantic partnership, it’s even more rare for him to be entirely understood or accepted for EVERYTHING that he is because he can’t get into it. Arguably, that hasn’t happened since his “death” in his original timeline.

A crush for Solomon isn’t a hopeless affair, either. Should you choose someone else, he’ll allow himself the disappointment and move on.

With Solomon, romantic love sparks naturally, but genuine true love isn’t some all-powerful, unstoppable force. He falls more in line with the people who believe it’s a choice and a decision, somewhere between “it’s purely a biological impulse we just gave a fancy name” and “it’s the magic that makes life more enjoyable”

With MC

In the case of MC, however, I think he might initially see it as bothersome or a hinderance to whatever his plan is with being down there for the exchange program. Maybe he convinces himself he’s just naturally attracted to you because you’re human like him. Once he comes to terms with his feelings and gets to know MC a bit more, he might even see it as a lost cause seeing as you already have several of the brothers vying for your affections.

For Solomon to act on a crush that he’s already decided is hopeless, it’ll be up to the MC to show that THEY are interested in HIM

He finds no particular pleasure in being someone who is chased after or “playing hard to get,” but he already has a complicated relationship with complicated relationships. He’s gonna need a down payment of affection a sign that there’s anything even there to pursue

Traditional flirting, while he’ll have his fun with it (and probably enjoy it at least a little - who doesn’t like feeling desirable?), doesn’t really work for him. Lots of people and creatures have used it to try and charm him, plus he has a pact with Asmo, so at this point he really sees it as more casual fun then an indication of true interest.

Honestly, to get him to realize “oh shit I actually have a chance,” you’re going to have to do two main things: 1) make him feel chosen over the others, and 2) respond to his displays of affection

Making Him Feel Chosen

This isn’t really a competition thing, or some selfish hoarding of your time. The thing is, Solomon knows he isn’t the only one in the running and he knows that anything he has to offer, somebody else could give you a portion of it.

(You won’t get the same experience or combination of traits with somebody else obvi, but with 11 suitors and an added chihuahua, there tends to be a little bit of overlap with everyone)

A crush for Solomon is a romantic interest, but if he intends on pursuing a serious relationship (which, I feel, is what he intends to be the final goal of his crushes as opposed to more casual affairs), he needs to see SOME reciprocation

Being with him is an ordeal, maybe a lifelong one for you, so he needs that assurance that it’ll be worth it and there aren’t better avenues

Basically, this means that ✨ quality time ✨ is of the utmost importance

At first, it doesn’t have to be anything big. Sit with him at lunch when you see him in the cafeteria, meet him in the library while you wait for your demon escort to be finished with their extracurriculars, chat him up in the one class you have together (and then ask him to help you study what you missed in class by talking. it’s a required transfer class but you already know everything about it, right, Solomon? 🥺)

As your relationship progresses, that’s when things start to get harder. Invite him out to things that you think he’ll enjoy, and say yes to as many excursions with him as you can. Bonus points for making it clear that you want to go when you’re unable to attend.

(He finds himself a little embarrassed how happy it makes him when instead of just a “no” or a “sorry, not today” he gets something like “I’m on dinner duty so I have to spend that time preparing :( but we should definitely make a date so you can tell me about it later!” It makes him feel like a priority.)

It isn’t until you find yourself comfortable enough to ask him to accompany you to something you want to do that he starts to realize you’re hanging out with him for him and not because he’s just offering up a bunch of fun new experiences for you to try.

You don’t even have to say “hey, i’m pretty sure you know all about the birds in the Devildom aviary but I haven’t had a chance to go and would really like to spend the day with you. Wanna come with?” If it’s something that he knows you know isn’t in his wheelhouse, he’ll be able to figure out that OH.....you’re inviting him for HIM.....oh

Make him feel like a priority, like he’s the one that you want, even out of all your choices. You can be as enthralled by the birds in that aviary as you want, just as long as you make it clear that your enthusiasm to be with him is on the same level and he’ll finally kick himself into gear.

Responding to His Affections

Now, you don’t have to do anything you don’t like. I hear in his dame card devilgram he’s a consent king, and he stands by that every day of the week

He also isn’t the type to need an exact equal to everything he does. Yes a relationship is a two way street, but this isn’t saying that if he gets you a gift you need to present him something with equal or greater value within the next 24 hours. he’s not mammon haha i’m so FUNNY

Just...let him know that he’s doing things right. His serious relationships are few and far between and people change as often as the times do, so make sure that he knows what he’s doing is landing. He’s not insecure per se, but he would like to know that he isn’t making a fool of himself entirely, you know?

Don’t brush him off in front of the brothers or he’ll think he’s read the situation all wrong and you’re back to square one. If you do it because you don’t like touching and he put an arm around your shoulder or something, that’s fine, but if he thinks you’re uncomfortable being with him in front of the brothers he’ll wonder if you even liked him at all.

To him, a secret relationship isn’t really feasible. First of all, those brothers are ALWAYS in your business so bold of you to think you’ll have ANY secrets by the time the exchange program is done, and secondly, don’t you both have enough on your plate that you shouldn’t make something that makes you happy needlessly complicated?

He is an odd case and knows there’s a lot that comes with him, so if you’re uncomfortable simply showing that you’re in a relationship and reciprocating, he’ll think you aren’t equipped to handle.....All That.

In case you haven’t noticed, he’s weird. He’s a weirdo. He doesn’t fit in. And he doesn’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen him without that stupid cape on? That's weird.

If you respond to his affections in a similar way, such as putting you arm around his waist or a hand on his back when he puts an arm around your shoulder or reaching up to fix his hair when he reaches to mess with yours, it’ll make him happy for sure. He doesn’t have any specific expectations for you but he’ll like to feel like you’re on the same wavelength.

A lot of his affections are morphed into specific and targeted teasing (but not like *gently bullies u* teasing). It’s a lot of inside jokes at your expense (and the more inside jokes he has, the more he probably likes you)

It’s also a lot of messing up your hair, sharp pokes and frustrating games like “guess what?” “i don’t know, what?” “i told you to guess, MC.” “ugh...you won the lottery” “guess better” “please don’t do this to me Solomon”

He probably responds best to Acts of Service and Quality Time (though at any stage in the relationship he’s a flexible man). While he’s trying to woo you to solidify his spot in first place against everyone else, if you continue to make the effort to be around him or like. recognize he’s taking time out of his day to romance you and do something for him in return he’ll cement the fact that oh yeah, this is happening between the two of you

(not to say that romancing you is a chore, because it’s not, but man if it doesn’t make him happy that you’re wanting to make his life easier on him so he can pursue the other things he enjoys, too.)

What a Relationship with Solomon is Like

He isn’t the biggest person on PDA, or at least not on purpose. He won’t see you and immediately be like ‘oh there they are i need to kiss them kiss kiss kiss’ or whatever, but he’s not averse to it?

He doesn’t want physical affection to be a big deal, or at least not in public. unless that’s what you’re into ;) If the two of you are out and about and you kiss his hand, or you’re a generally physically affectionate person he’ll smile and respond and be generally unbothered by it, but don’t expect him to ever really have the desire to like make out in public or something. Really, you probably won’t get much more than a quick kiss because he DOES always have other things on his mind.

You will NOT be able to get out of him messing with you. If you need him to tone it down that’s fine, but the more you let him get away with, the less energy he’ll have to redirect into other troublemaking activities

Has a weird thing with licking too probably? like he’s not gross about it and it’s not like a NSFW fixation but he’ll do that mom thing where he licks his thumb because “you’ve got something on your cheek” and then reveal that he’s a LIAR

or he’ll put his face really close to yours and stick his tongue out when you turn your head so it hits your cheek

it just gets such a DRAMATIC reaction out of you so that’s why he does it? if you ask him genuinely to stop he will but if you comment on it he’ll just give you a small smile and not say anything then continue to do it

when he messes with you, it’s ok if you say he’s doing something weird but don’t make him feel childish. setting boundaries (and making regular observations - he is kinda weird) is more than alright but admonishing him just feels......off and will turn him sour for a bit

VERY appreciative of someone who supports his adventurous side. Also fond of someone who’s happy to tag along but knows that some things he has to do on his own.

Even if you don’t want to go, he’ll appreciate the support or the interest you show in what he does. Ask him where he’s going and what he’s doing there, but ask him because you’re interested and not because you’re overly worried.

Please be there for him when he gets back to talk about it. He really likes feeling important or cool when he tells his tales, even if all he did was go and catch a few magic salamanders or something.

PLEASE be a soundboard for all of his ideas. He knows that sometimes he’ll talk about things that are way over your head that he hasn’t learned yet, but he really does want your undivided attention. It doesn’t matter if you’re encouraging him, debating with him, telling him the idea is stupid (though don’t pull this one too often unless you intend to ask to be let in to the fun) or just watching in confusion. It’s important to him that you value what he has to say, and he hopes one day that he’ll be able to tell you anything and you’ll have a response to it all. (Even if you don’t learn magic to the degree he knows it, he hopes you’ll get to a point where you understand what he wants, even if you don’t know what magical elements he’s talking about or something.)

A relationship with Solomon is one where you’re both independent, but also can’t imagine not going to the other at the end of the day. It’s startling how quickly you become constant in the other’s life despite being in COMPLETELY different stages of magical development and learning about the demon world.

The relationship will be lots of fun, but there will be many serious moments, too.

They’ll happen randomly. Maybe something from a class or a spell reminds him of something from his past, or maybe he’s reminded that he can’t remember so many things that he knows were important to him.

Sometimes, his Tuesday night blues will feel like a life-changing existential crises for you, but please, do what you can to be there for him in these moments. It worries him how much love and happiness he’s lost, especially when he knows he promised to remember it.

Once you get him to think aloud, he’ll say super heavy stuff life “What if I’ve forgotten who I really am and now I’m just something other people and magic have morphed me into?” or “When will the human race evolve or go extinct and leave me behind?” and it fucks you up, really. It fucks him up too

But please be patient with him, because there’s something important he has to get off his chest eventually. He’s worried already that he’ll forget you the way he’s probably forgotten so many others, but he doesn’t want to offend you and know that saying it would come off as uncaring.

You won’t have an answer for these moments, and he knows it. It’ll be best if you just hold him tight, stroke his hair if you’re laying down, and reassure him that you don’t care.

With how long he’s been alive, you’ll have to get past caring if you’re his “one true love” because he doesn’t have that. He gave up the right to having a one true love in exchange for never-ending life. But he still loves and he does love deeply, it just has a lot to cut through to properly be articulated.

So tell him. Tell him you know he’s had other loves, that you know you might not even be the best partner suited to him that he’s had. Tell him that you know when your time has come, he’ll find someone else eventually.

Tell him that what matters to you is that he loves you now, that he’s making things work with you now, and that he isn’t secretly yearning for some lover that’s come to pass or yet to come when he’s with you.

You can’t control what happened in the past or what happens in the future, but right now he’s yours and you’re his and he needs to learn to take things one lifetime at a time. Right now is YOUR Solomon time, and what happens after is just a consequence of time and you’ve already forgiven him for it.

instead of “mom says it’s my turn on the xbox” it’s “god says it’s MY turn on the Solomon”

send that to him for real and he’ll probably never forget you lol

How to Make a Relationship with Solomon Work

With all this in mind, the key to a good relationship with Solomon is keeping his head on his shoulders.

He’s ambitious, powerful, scary smart, and capable of so much more than you can even guess and he knows it. It’ll be good for him to have somebody to keep him on the ground.

Now, don’t be overbearing. If you try to stop him from going places or try to hinder his pursuit of knowledge out of fear for his safety, that’ll cause unbelievable strain on him. You will have to learn to let him work his things out the way he wants to, and it won’t always be the safest or most responsible way either.

He doesn’t mind a gentle scolding if he gets hurt. He won’t say it, but he kinda likes to be reminded how important he is to you.

Also be down to have fun and be a little reckless. Your safety will always be a priority to him, but nobody ever got anywhere without a little struggle, right? Sometimes adventuring with him and following him into the darkest magical corners of the world will require multiple (sometime literal) leaps of faith, but he’ll always be there to catch you.

Let Solomon work for you and the relationship, and you work to keep him sane and remind him that he can belong somewhere, even when he’s been himself for who knows how long and nowhere ever really stays the same.

You’ll always have to remind Solomon that not everything revolves around magic and power. He’s not been mortal for some time, so he gets caught up in the heady and lofty topics and ideas.

Remind him about the simple joys of just having fun and goofing off, that not every moment not spent on homework has to be spent on potions. Remind him (in the human world) how cool a sunset is, or convince him to go through a museum and pretend he’s seeing everything for the first time.

As much as he lives for understanding the grand topics most people can only dream of beginning to grasp, remind him of the little things. Remind him of human indulgences that he’s abandoned. Get him back in touch with that part of himself.

Solomon as a character feels like he’d be really aloof, but he’s honestly extremely devoted to what he invests his time in. He shows this devotion in small ways that feel more like riddles sometimes, in the way he always comes back after a rather dangerous magical excursion, in the way he shortens his time away so he can get back to you, in the way he learns to quiet his mind so he can properly take care of you and what you need and strengthen your relationship.

One thing that I think is a hallmark of a relationship with him is that Solomon loves things that can teach him more about what he doesn’t know. You don’t need to be the smartest person on the planet, or have a specialized and thorough education in some bizarre topic, or come from somewhere entirely different than what he knows to keep his interest.

You are uniquely human, and you help teach him about himself, the one thing that he can never seem to properly grasp and understand the way he wants to.

More importantly, you are you, the one who made pacts with all seven demon lords, the one captured his heart and promised to take care of it when you could throw it away for anybody else.

And you are the only one who could say those words that he believes. Hopefully, you’ll believe him when he says them, too.

#i feel like i was toeing a line that might have like. disrespected aromanticism and if i did i am so sorry #i just think that like. personally as someone who is alloromantic but not necessarily super OBVIOUS about feeling romantic attraction #there is a line between just being casually romantic or something and aromantic like #yeah i wanna marry my best friend but i still wanna MARRY them you know #marriage being taken here in a romantic context and not just a social institution #i don't know. maybe i just want him to be romantic so i can be romantically involved with him and i'm digging too deep with it #tldr aromantic rights!!!#obey me #obey me shall we date #swd obey me #obey me swd #solomon #obey me solomon #solomon hcs #mine #solomon fluff #?#long post

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colorseeingchick · 4 years

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Oh Baby! A Series (Tsukishima x Fem!Reader)

Summary: You and Tsukishima have been together for years- and pranking each other the whole way through. But what happens when one prank on Tsukki turns out to be a prank on you?

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of pregnancy, fluff

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: This is my first fic! I hope you guys like it :)

“This was the best you could do? Really?” You watch in horror as Tsukishima Kei, your husband of 5 years, holds the positive pregnancy test in his hand, a smug expression plastered across his face.

Fuck.

“Babe, this is like the oldest trick in the book. I’m pretty offended that you thought that this would fool me, of all things.” He shakes his head slowly and puts the test back in the bathroom drawer where you (thought you) had hidden it away from his sight.

You stand there, processing the scenario as it had just played out before you. But that clearly wasn’t enough to sort out how genuinely screwed (ha pun intended) you were.

How exactly did you end up here again?

Tsukki had been pranking and roasting you for 12 years now- 1 year as your classmate, 1 year as your friend, 5 years as your boyfriend, and 5 as your husband. Yeah, your high school sweetheart was this sarcastic four-eyes. You were simple to read and gave theatrical reactions which perpetually egged him on to keep messing with you, and eventually led to him developing feelings for you. Despite how annoyed you were by him at first as well, you soon found yourself loving his quick wit and taunting personality. Though the roasts were intense, the pranks were always light. Tsukki made an effort to never push serious or sensitive topics, and he would NEVER try to pull anything when you were in a bad mood. The pranks went both ways as well- and you never felt more accomplished than when you managed to catch your clever boyfriend off guard. Teasing was a staple of your relationship and both of you loved it. But the jokes sometimes had you both a bit too on guard. When Tsukki proposed to you, you thought he was just pulling a more elaborate prank than usual (which led to you initially rejecting him AND causing a hell of a lot of confusion/fear/panic for Tsukishima...until the jokes were clearly set aside. At that point you JOYOUSLY accepted the ring from him, but that’s a story for another day). Looking back on it, you always loved lecturing him on how it was his fault for always playing tricks on you, and that he can’t blame you for not believing him right away.

But OH! How the tables have turned.

5 years into your marriage, and the pranks haven’t gone anywhere. However, Tsukki made a “New Years Resolution” to make fun of you more than he had in previous years [Read: Tsukki thinks New Years Resolutions are FAKE NEWS and has made a dumb one to mock the concept]. But considering it was meant to be a parody, he was pretty doing a damn good job of teasing you more than you had ever experienced. Your favorite mug *magically* ended up in the highest cabinet possible on a frequent basis, pieces of your strawberry shortcake would disappear soon after being frosted, and there were plenty of jump scares (which Tsukki went through the effort of recording every time). By the time March rolled around, you were VERY riled up (mind you, at no point had you ever actually attempted to tell Tsukki to stop) and promised Tsukki that you were going to pull the GREATEST prank in the history of your relationship as your grand move of revenge. You made an effort to remind him on a daily basis after that point, and both of your competitive natures came out.

It was about three weeks after your initial declaration of revenge that you realized your period was quite overdue and morning sickness was setting in. You logically decided to take a pregnancy test. Low and behold, the test came back positive!

You had known that Tsukishima was ready for children for quite some time now, honestly. He had mentioned it a few times, but you hadn’t felt ready or prepared to be a mom just yet. The man could read you like a book, so seeing distress or discomfort come up when he mentioned it- he would never want to make you feel pressured to have a baby. But after seeing the test, thinking about it (for a good while), and reflecting on your relationship and where you were in life, you felt like you were properly ready to be a mom. All that was left was for you to tell the dad-to-be. But seeing as you two were in a pranking WAR, you figured the timing wasn’t quite ideal just yet. Which is why you decided to hide the test and tell him after April 1st, as to prevent him from assuming you were pulling your grand prank with the pregnancy test.

Never did you expect him to FIND the test on April Fools itself. If he had found it the days before, it would have been better than him finding it today. The one event you were trying to avoid was the only event to occur. As of right now, the world is playing a big prank on you. Though you definitely weren’t laughing.

And I was ACTUALLY going to do the prank today, too! Ughh. You slide down your bathroom wall, contemplating where to even go with this. You could go through with your real prank, but at this point it felt excessively stupid in comparison to everything else going on. Right now, the priority was telling Tsukki the truth. You get up and rush downstairs, to where Tsukki was sitting on the couch, book in hand.

“Kei, we need to talk.” You plop down next to him, casually placing one of your legs on top of his lap.

He closes the book and tosses you one of his classic smirks, side eye and all. “Yes, Y/N?”

“Kei... I’m…” You grab his hand, “I’m actually pregnant.”

He stares into your eyes, expression neutral. Meanwhile, your eyes dig daggers into him, as to say “I’m being DEAD serious you have to believe me or else.”

He blinks a couple of times, smiles, and then raises the hand you put on top of his, sweetly kissing right below your knuckles.

“I commend you for trying to rescue your prank, but you’re not gonna fool me like that.” He squeezes your hand before getting up and walking away to the kitchen, leaving you in absolute shock on the couch. He doesn’t believe me. Not even a little bit.

Fuck.

As the day goes on, you get more and more desperate to try and convince him of how you actually were now carrying his baby. And the more you try, the more he rejects the idea. Your last ditch effort is during dinner, when you make pancakes (breakfast for dinner was a Saturday specialty for you two) and you spell out “I have your CHILD” with chocolate chips on top of his stack.

“You realize how out of context, this could be read a VERY different way, right?” He would have been fed up with how persistent you were being, if it wasn’t for how creative you were being about it. So instead, he was just thoroughly amused.

You, on the other hand, are far from amused. Desperate, hopeless, and VERY irritated at the blond beanpole you called your husband, you aggressively stab your pancakes and eat in silence.

I definitely set myself up for this, I’m not gonna lie.

But there is only one way out, and that’s with fresh evidence. Right after finishing dinner, you leave the house and head to your local shop without saying a word to Tsukki.

...She’s really sticking to it huh. Does she know that this isn’t as funny as she thinks it is? He thinks to himself as he sips on some warm milk while listening to some music and reading on the couch.

[Trust me Tsukki. She doesn’t think this is funny at all.]

Though you weren’t at the store for all that long, your husband managed to pass out on the couch (the milk made him sleepy). You sigh, shaking him into slight consciousness and dragging him up the stairs to your bedroom. As you push him onto the bed, he grabs your waist and tries to pull you onto him. He manages to get you close to his chest, and he nuzzles his nose into your neck, mostly asleep and searching for cuddles. For how irritating, snarky, and teasing your husband was, he was awfully affectionate and overwhelmingly sweet in moments like these.

“Not yet, baby,” you whisper to his unconscious head, pulling his glasses off his face. “I have to prove how much of an idiot you are for not believing me. Then you get cuddles.” You wriggle yourself out of his grasp and head to the bathroom, taking another test to confirm what you already knew to be true.

Sighing upon the sight of the two lines, you place this test in the drawer with the other one. “I’ll show him tomorrow when he’s awake and ready to face my wrath.” You smile mischievously while shutting the drawer.

You take care of some unfinished business in your house as it slowly hits 1 am. Exhausted, you eventually find yourself crawling into bed and under Tsukki’s arms, nuzzling into his chest as his arms instinctively encase you, your face tucking into the crook of his neck.

How badly you wanted to stay upset at him. But it felt virtually impossible when he showered you with so much love. Being wrapped up in the warmth of his arms quickly helped you drift off to sleep.

---

You stirred back into consciousness at around 7 am,when the warmth that had wrapped around your body had disappeared, your husband not in sight. He usually woke up early on weekends to go run, so his absence wasn't surprising. Too groggy to worry or think straight, you instinctively get out of bed to go use the restroom as nausea shifts your stomach. However, when you approach the door frame of your master bathroom, you see Tsukki staring into the drawer, looking stiff as a statue. His face hidden, you could tell he’s deeply lost in thought.

“Kei?” You ask softly, “ Love, is everything alri-”

He twists his body to face you, an unreadable expression adorning his strong and normally smug features. It scared you a little.

“...Kei?”

He reveals the two tests in his hands as he strides towards you, holding them directly in front of your line of sight.

“Y/N, all jokes aside. Okay?”

You had a strong indication as to where this was going. “Okay.”

“Are you really pregnant?”

You paused for a second. Although the answer to the question was easy, there was a sudden fear that rose in your stomach upon hearing his tone. What if he was in denial because he didn’t want the baby? Would he be angry if he found out you were serious? But you were almost certain he would be as excited as you for the baby.

Your pause of insecurity was accompanied by a blank expression that had Tsukki’s anticipation skyrocketing. He really wasn’t one to overthink. Thinking just the right amount was his specialty. He’s a rational guy. But you always managed to push that a little, and became the exception.

“Y/N??” His hands grab your shoulders with a slight squeeze.

You jump back into reality as he calls your name. No matter what his reaction was, he would need to know the truth. You could do damage control after.

“Yes. I really am pregnant, Kei. But if you don’t think we’re rea-”

“Is it mine?”

At this, you got pissed real fast.

“The hell? Of course it’s yours, who else’s kid would it be what the hell do you thi-”

He engulfs you in a tight, crushing hug, pulling you against him entirely with his face nuzzled into the crook of your neck. He lets out a shaky breath as he sways you side to side in his embrace.

“Oh my gosh, I’m gonna be a dad.” Relief radiates off of him, and you could feel a genuine and innocent smile pressed against your skin.

Now you felt like an idiot for even worrying about telling him the truth.

You gently pull away from his body to look him in the eyes, his arms still draped around you. “Kei, why didn’t you believe me when I told you yesterday?”

He looked away from you, eyes on the ground. “Whenever I tried to bring it up in the past, you seemed uncomfortable, and you’ve told me before that you aren’t sure if you were ready to be a mom… I thought that I was the only one who wanted a baby... So when you promised a grand prank for days on end, and I found a positive pregnancy test... I just assumed it was an intense prank and didn’t wanna get my hopes up.” Despite everything, Tsukki had never been the best at direct confrontation. You both were advocates of clear communication and drawing lines, yes, but sometimes, for your sake, he tried to accommodate. It warmed your heart and broke it at the same time to see him all soft and vulnerable, compared to his usual tough guy act.

“Baka.” You pulled his face down to yours so your foreheads touched, his eyes having no option but to lock with yours. “I would never lie about something like this. We’ve always been good about keeping serious stuff serious, yeah?”

He murmured in agreement as he slowly closed his eyes.

You giggle. “You know me too well, though. For a long time I didn’t think I was ready. Even when I took the first test I had doubt in myself. But I thought about everything and… I think I’m ready to have this baby. If it's with you then, yeah. I’m ready.”

He opens his eyes again just to stare at you for a long moment before saying, “You’re gonna be as weird a mom as you are a wife.”

You smack his arm and scowl at him. He breaks out and laughs, “Don’t worry, our baby will probably be as weird as you, so it will be great.” Your scowl deepened. It’s his turn to grab your face and kiss your nose, staring at you with all the love in the world. “It's because you’re so weird that I love you so much. Who else would be able to throw back what I dish out AND amuse me at the same time?” He quirks an eyebrow at you.

You sigh, effectively flustered by his wacky compliment. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” His infamous smirk makes a reappearance and damn, are you a sucker for that smirk.

“But-” you continue, “we really have set some ground rules from here on out. I thought your proposal would be the greatest mix-up in our relationship, but this is too close of a second.”

“Agreed.”

“And throughout this pregnancy you sure as hell better lay off on the teasing and pranks because I swear I will-”

“I promise. I’ll be nice to you while you’re carrying our baby. I know- how absolutely uncharacteristic of me.”

You roll your eyes, a smile sneaking onto your face. “Be careful, I might get used to it.”

He rolls his eyes back, smiling as well. “So, truce?”

“Truce.”

He finally pulls away from you and walks as to exit your bedroom. “We’ll talk more about this later, I’m gonna go on my run for now. Do you know where my water bottle is by the way?”

You lean against the door frame once again. “It should be in the office.”

“Alright, I’ll let you know when I get back.”

You smiled to yourself, your stomach bubbling from nausea, yes, but also from happiness. How did you get so lucky with such a snarky beanpole? You had yet to figure it out.

“OI Y/N!” You broke out of your thoughts again as Tsukki sprints up the stairs and essentially throws himself into your bedroom.

“Yes?”

His face is completely awestruck, stuck in a state of shock and disbelief.

“You wanna tell me why there are dinosaur stickers covering literally everything in my office?”

A mischievous grin slowly crawls across your face.

His desk, chair, lamp, laptop, printer, and walls were plastered with dinosaur stickers. A flag with a dinosaur was hung behind his desk as well. (The visit to the shop the night before was the last of 5 trips you had made- you had gone to all sorts of stores to find jumbo stickers over the course of the past few weeks, because Tsukki would have seen packages if you ordered stickers online).

“You couldn’t even spare my water bottle?” He lifts it, as to express his exasperation.

The water bottle looked excessively stupid, as its usual blue service was covered with green baby dinos.

“What happened to the truce?” He asks, still shocked.

“I told you I would get my revenge.” The sass and pride was tangible in your voice.

“Happy belated April Fool’s, Kei.”

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyu #haikyu oneshot #haikyu fluff #tsukishima kei #tsukki #tsukishima x reader #haikyu imagines #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima oneshot #tsukishima kei x reader #Oh baby! A series #Colorseeingchick writes

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jamespotterthefirst · 4 years

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Drinks For Two

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Lilac Allende) Word count: 1,800 Warning: None Author’s Note: That premium scene from Book 1, Chapter 2 at the bar from Ethan’s POV

Catch up here.

_______

The raucous cacophony surrounding Ethan that evening at Donahue's is not enough distraction from his traitorous thoughts, much to his annoyance. Ordinarily, the small bar serves as his sanctuary, a blessed transitional space between the harsh demands of the job and the tranquility of home. On most nights, he prefers the place silent enough to enjoy his drink in numbing peace. Upon entering the place and seeing the crowd of intoxicated, uproarious interns, however, Ethan kisses that fantasy goodbye.

He decides to stay anyway because lord knows he needs a drink after the hell hole of a day he had. Ethan, ever the optimist, even finds a silver lining in hoping that the mindless, drunken chatter will keep him from reliving it. When that fails, the riotous noise is nothing but that: noise.

Ethan takes a swig of his drink, savoring the pleasant burn in his throat.

“I don't want your opportunities or your charity. I want my patient to get better.”

Memories of fiery, bright eyes flood him, unbidden.

“And if that's not everyone's priority at this hospital, I'd rather you fire me now.”

Righteous, impassioned anger had colored her face as she spat the words at him with a vehemence that had given him pause. And all after he had placed a precious learning opportunity on a silver platter for her taking? Who the hell did this intern think she was? The nerve, the gall, the idiotic insolence of that brash, silver-tongued, headstrong girl...

Ethan loses steam.

That passionate, fearless, intelligent and rather pretty girl.

A slew of less professional adjectives inundate his awareness before he can stop them. Inwardly groaning, he throws back another drink.

An eruption of cheers and wolf whistles mercifully pulls him from his thoughts. Ethan doesn't need to look to know it's coming from the surgical interns, the rowdiest of the bunch by default. Add to that scores of cheap alcohol and the galvanizing promise of competition a game of dart brings, and they are downright unbearable.

When he does spare them a glance, he is greeted by the sight of a burly, good-looking surgical intern dipping a brunette backwards before planting a scandalous kiss on her lips.

“Get it, Lahela!”

“Traitor!”

God, how Ethan hated PDA.

A whirl of green fabric and glossy brown hair is all Ethan sees as the recipient of the kiss straightens herself, slightly woozy and gripping Lahela’s muscular arms for dear life. It is only when she shifts on her feet that Ethan catches a glimpse of that distinctive smile— the very same he had seen all day, both in person and in his recollection. Lilac Allende, pretty face bright and eyes sparkling, grins at the surgical intern as he whispers something in her ear.

And then, like a stroke of lighting, her eyes meet Ethan’s for the briefest of moments.

Ethan glances away too quickly, his slight annoyance tapering into sheer irritation. His mood deteriorates when he finds his glass empty though he doesn't get the opportunity to order another because mere seconds later, he can see a hazy shape in forest green approaching.

Stubborn as ever, Ethan determinedly avoids gazing her way. He foolishly thinks this will be successful until she is right at his side and practically impossible to ignore. This, of course, does not escape her notice, officially deeming her the most frustrating person he's ever met.

“Something wrong, Dr. Ramsey?” she asks and he can practically hear the cheeky grin in her melodic voice.

As his eyes take in the full force of the outfit she is wearing, he mentally determines the only thing that is wrong are the thoughts the revealing number invites. He makes a conscious effort to keep his eyes on her face and not on the tortuous path her daring neckline sets. Ethan loses the battle for a millisecond because his eyes fall on the black, lacy contraption peeking from her blouse (if he can call it that), the sight a sweet kind of torture. Feeling like an absolute ass, he fixes his gaze on hers, convinced he can still salvage both of their dignities by saying something vague.

“Just noticing how… different you look out in the real world.”

Dr. Allende looks as though she doesn't believe him and she opens her mouth, perhaps to brashly tell him so. Luckily, Reggie slides over to their side of the bar.

“What'll it be?”

She becomes distracted by the question and Ethan privately thanks Reggie's impeccable timing. Dr. Allende pensively chews her lip as she contemplates his empty glass. Ethan pauses, promptly telling himself this is to humor her while also satisfying his own curiosity and not because of the vision that is her bottom lip, made swollen by the pressure of the bite.

“Scotches, neat,” she finally tells Reggie, with a confidence that almost earns her an impressed nod.

In their silence, Dr. Allende cuts him a look that is almost bashful, despite all the bravado she displays. Her posture is ramrod straight and Ethan can practically feel the nervous energy radiating from her. With a bolt, he realizes she is silently extending an olive branch. A truce from their previous encounter at Edenbrook.

“Why neat instead of on the rocks?” he asks, his own quiet way of accepting.

“The ice changes the flavor,” she returns at once, shoulders relaxing visibly.

“Right answer.”

A ghost of a smile escapes him and she takes this with evident satisfaction, returning it with a smug smirk of her own. The crowded, ebullient bar suddenly becomes stifling to Ethan as he holds her gaze. To make it worse, someone decides that is the best moment to play an Al Green song on the jukebox.

Reggie returns with their drinks, saving him again.

“You know I can't be bribed into favoring you, right?” Ethan keeps his face masterfully impassive, his voice expertly controlled as he says this, the first thing he could think of to deter from it all.

“I think you already favor me.”

God, she is good. That clever little quip is enough to inspire a quiet laugh from him, the sound almost foreign to his ears.

“You keep believing that,” he returns almost at once.

This, in turn, makes her match his laughter. Before he can squash it, Ethan feels a proud jolt of satisfaction at being the one to cause the sound.

Reggie returns, noticing their empty glasses. The loaded grin he flashes Ethan leaves no doubt the older man caught the exchange.

“Two specials,” Ethan says, ignoring this. “Thanks, Reggie.”

“Only for you, Ethan,” his old friend returns with a chuckle, his eyes moving over to Dr. Allende before he moves away to prepare his order.

She sends him a curious look. “You're on first-name terms with the bartender?”

“He's an old friend. I come here most nights.”

Ethan can see her considering the statement quietly. “You don't have anyone waiting at home?”

Ethan hesitates, marveling at her tone, easy and casual as though she was asking for the time. Shifting in his seat slightly, he consciously refuses to look for any meaning behind the question.

“I'll come here even when I do,” he responds after a long pause. “I need some buffer between the hospital and the world. An airlock.” Briefly, he thinks of Harper and the many arguments that became too constant in the last months of their relationship.

“Don't take the job home with you, Lilac.” He's not sure why he utters the advice, but it is gone from his lips before he can stop it. Vaguely, he realizes that is the first time he calls her by her first name.

Dr. Allende doesn't seem to notice. She considers him, biting the inside of her cheek. “I'll keep that in mind…” she says, “but you didn't answer my question.”

Ethan decides then that sharp perceptiveness will be his demise.

“No. Nobody waiting at home tonight.”

There is no reaction because his order arrives.

Grateful, Ethan offers her the dark liquid. “Here, try this.”

Dr. Allende accepts the drink wordlessly. She swirls it around in the glass before taking a careful sniff. Ethan almost rolls his eyes though he'd be lying if he said he wasn't amused. Seemingly satisfied, she downs more than half of it with spectacular skill.

“Well, how's it compare?” he prompts, unable to keep that insistent need to know what she is thinking at bay. The way she assesses the empty glass between his fingers, her jaw working as she collects her thoughts only adds to the allure.

She meets his eye with a grin. “That's amazing!”

When he finds no indication of dishonesty on her face, Ethan allows another wave of self-congratulatory smugness. “Either you're sucking up to me, or you've got surprisingly refined taste for an intern. ”

The lopsided quirk of her lips leaves him entirely too charmed for his liking. “I'm surprising in a lot of ways.”

“You'll have to prove that.”

The words are redundant for she had been doing just that from the very instant he met her.

Eyes locked on hers, he raises his glass. “To your intern year. In the hopes you don't completely blow everything you've worked your whole life for.”

Dr. Allende scrunches that freckle dusted nose of hers. “Morbid,” she comments, though not without a signature smile. “I like it.”

Their glasses meet, the clink of the crystal lost in the revelry around them.

An upbeat pop song he is too old and too prideful to know the name of booms through the speakers. It is met with approving cheers from the drunk crowd. Over the hubbub, the sound of her name reaches them.

“Lilac!”

It is from a group of interns at the other end of the bar. Ethan briefly recognizes the short, bubbly one as the intern who pulled him away from his furious rant earlier that day.

“Are we dancing or not?” she yells over the music.

Lilac turns to Ethan who only waves his hand dismissively, encouraging her to go. As she turns to join her friends, she halts, turning to consider him quietly.

For a wild moment, Ethan thinks she might ask him to dance. Drink in hand he selfishly considers what it would be to dance with her, bodies close and lost to the beat of the music. Where might her hands be on his body as they moved? Where would his be? He vanishes the thought with more determination than necessary, though the heat that flares from his neck to his face is impossible to ignore.

Perhaps realizing she is not quite so brave, Lilac shoots him one last smile and simply says, “Good night, Dr. Ramsey.”

“Good night, Dr. Allende.”

________

Author’s Note: Who could have put the Al Green song? Hmm.

Thank you for reading!

At the risk of committing to an ambitious endeavor, I really want to do as many of these as possible. I think my next one will be from the Dolores chapter.

_______

@dulceghernandez | @lion-ess24 | @emotionalswift2 | @the-soot-sprite |

#open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #playchoices #my writing

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donnerpartyofone · 4 years

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what makes people who crave social activity say that they are introverts? as far as i can tell, from personal experience, there are three main types of self-declared introverts:

1. people who genuinely prefer solitude on its own virtues (peace, quiet, time to think, freedom to choose one’s activities); or lacking that, very limited, curated, intimate types of socializing. even pleasant social experiences are tiring and have to be dosed out. public recognition can nice (though not always), but it is not a priority. feelings of “loneliness” are rarer than they are for most, and tend to be limited to wanting certain types of company, and/or only with select individuals. (e.g. ME)

2. people who are shy and anxious about the approval of others. socializing is not undesirable in and of itself, but appears challenging due to a sense of competition. when they say they prefer to be alone, they really mean that isolation is less unpleasantly pressurized than a social situation in which one has to compete for attention, and worry about whether they are “winning” or “losing” with/compared to others. while they prefer solitude to a social situation that they find challenging or even insulting on some level, they would almost always prefer to be at the center of a gathering in which they are the belle of the ball, if such were possible. feelings of loneliness are oppressive, and often attributed to others’ failure to respect or recognize their positive qualities. (e.g. my ex, who would fume for hours if even a small child or pet didn’t greet him at the door of a party with an approving look or gesture. i think there’s also a lot of these on tumblr; see below)

3. extreme extraverts for whom all realities will always fall short of their vision of social perfection. they may experience social anxiety, but it has more to do with being unable to see everyone they want and do everything they want, and to have all their friends be friends with each other, at the greatest party in the world; their anxiety is not related to any kind of real aversion. however, they sometimes misidentify their anxious, naggingly dissatisfied feelings as introversion. for a useful comparison, i often think of the most belligerent person ever to grace my extended social sphere, a person who made herself into a living caricature by being so consistently and explosively combative. one night i was talking to her about my being non-confrontational--a quality that i consider a fault of mine--and she replied, “dude, I KNOW, i am like THE MOST NON-CONFRONTATIONAL PERSON EVER, i am SUCH A PUSSY, i’m just SO SCARED OF FIGHTS.” it became obvious to me that for this individual, who instinctively seeks and finds a fight in every room, her scale of what constitutes a confrontation is way off the charts for any normal person; for her, anything short of nuclear holocaust is the same as passivity, so therefore, she considers herself a relatively conflict-avoidant person. (i have somehow met scores of these abrasively extraverted people who swear up and down that they’re introverts, and my only explanation is that socializing whips them into such a frenzy that they sometimes experience it as painful, even though they are incapable of being alone)

i know i’m acting competitive by even breaking this down, which is one of my less-good qualities. there’s something about mental illness (no, introversion is not a mental illness, but it is treated like an aberration in casual life, so i’m going from there) that can make people very competitive. i know a comics artist who does great autobio work, but who refuses to include her experiences with eating disorders; she says it’s because hearing the details of someone else’s ED often triggers other sufferers to either launch into competition--quantifying how much more profoundly they have suffered--or lapse into the despair of feeling like they “don’t have a real problem” if they haven’t suffered as much as someone else. in my experience, this is true of many psychological and emotional ailments, including depression and anxiety, and on a similar level i sometimes find myself guilty of judging people who make claims of introversion, while simultaneously making it obvious that they’re just anxious about their ability to get the kind of attention they think they need. i’ll have to figure out what my problem is, that i react this way, that i apparently think it’s so important to be a pure introvert who genuinely takes more pleasure in solitude than in anything else. i guess that will be a topic for my next shrink.

but there’s one more thing i need to add to this: that in certain environments--like tumblr, for instance--there is a tacit belief that being introverted is equivalent to being really deep and intelligent. a lot of people who consider themselves bright and thoughtful might feel pressure to also affect an introverted disposition, or to just claim that they have one, if no one else observes it about them. (see also: the pseudo-humble declaration of “i am such a NERD lol” from people who are absolutely not nerds, but who have detected the paradigm shift by which nerdiness is seen as special and unique) the delusional but popular sense that you can’t be extraverted, and have a rich inner life at the same time, is probably pretty oppressive for many people. sometimes i think about filmmakers i love, whose work i relate to intensely in my introspective and self-isolating way, but who i know must have great social facility in order to make something as complicated as a movie. i’m aware that my lack of desire to connect with people really limits what i can do in the world, or even what i can make. i expect i’ll keep trying to expand my horizons as i get older, especially if i want to really “do something with my life,” which is not at all mandatory but still an option. maybe some day i will find out what life really has in store for me, when i reach enlightenment by getting over my pressing need to declare 90% of the lonely desperate jealous attention-seeking “introverts” of tumblr to be just a bunch of fake-ass bitches.

#fake-ass bitches

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dxmedstudent · 4 years

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As a longterm single person... or a person who was single for long times during parts of my life, I’m usually very onboard with shifting the focus. But it feels like this entire article is a lazy missed opportunity. It somehow manages to alienate me even though I really, really want to be able to agee with it. For a start, the article does nothing to address that yes, society does highly value romantic relationships at the expense of other meaningful relationships, and pressures people - particularly young women, to conform to the expectation to be in one. The expectation to be in a relationship and how we are treated when we’re not in one goes far beyond people valuing sex. I’ve talked about this at length before, so I’ll skip over that part for now. It doesn’t even touch on how ace or aro people experience such a ban - you don’t have to be in love or having sex to miss a significant other - the key is in the ‘significant’ bit.

“And while I know there could be some troubling long-term consequences to this legal accident, I can’t help but feel that the frustration of many is misplaced.”

No. This is your first mistake. People are allowed to be frustrated that such a rule renders physically continuing intimate relationships if you live apart illegal. People are allowed to be frustrated that they can go to primark, risk coronavirus at work, use the tube, but aren’t allowed to hug their GF. Hell, people are allowed to just be annoyed they can’t go to the pub. It might not be a priority, but I wouldn’t write in whining about how other people miss something that I am not personally fussed about. “It means we can’t go to the pub, to a party, or to a friend’s house to sit on the sofa with a bottle of wine laughing our heads off; we can't have our families round for Sunday roast; we can’t even go inside if it starts to rain during one of the permitted back garden gatherings of six.”

But fundamentally, we can have a party. We can see 6 friends or family outside. We can share food with them. We can use the bathroom. We will soon be allowed to start going to establishments to eat and drink. However rather hilariously, the article somehow manages to paint sitting on someone’s sofa as equally (or more) important than romantic and physical intimacy with a life partner. Who cares that some people haven’t been able to see their intimate partner at all, much less so much as hold hands in 3 months, when I wanna sit on someones sofa!

I get it. These rules are still wildly different to our usual lives. You’re right, it sucks that we also can’t enjoy platonic touch. Hugging a friend, patting someone on the back. Just being able to be indoors and have a meal. But the rules let us live out a much closer approximaiton of life with friends - which is a start. Now, I have friends who run the full tactile spectrum from ‘absolute huggers’ to ‘don’t touch me’. I miss a good hug or just being able to sit beside each other, but for the most part I can easily enjoy most of what I can do with friends under the current rules. Apart from sit around playing board games together, cos you can’t do that 2m apart and it’d be less than ideal to do outside. This has still had a big impact on our social lives - particularly if you live apart from friends as I do. So I feel you. I can’t just up and drive over to most of my friends’, and even if I did, sitting around outside for a couple of hours wouldn’t be with the long trip. When you’re not allowed indoors or to stay the night it makes the kind of socialising many of us do much harder. It’s the same for me seeing my family, too. So I get it. It’s just that being banned from being within 2m of someone has a much bigger impact if you’re in a romantic relationship. Because physicality (and not just sex), and spending lots of time together is a bigger part of the deal when it comes to having a significant other. Many people aren’t overly physically affectionate with friends - I know many people who barely do beyond a handshake or stiff hug - and that’s fine. These laws just take away a much bigger dimension from a romantic relationship, than from most platonic ones.

On the Facebook group I run for single people, those who live alone simply want to know when they will be touched again. And by touch I mean simply a pat on the arm, a cuddle from their mum, their best friend holding their hand. These are simple things, but are so important. They matter to people just as much, if not more, as whether they have a 'significant other' sharing their bed - but you wouldn't know that from the discussion around these new rules.

See, this is important, so maybe lead with this? It’s heartbreaing that many of us effectively have been banned from all human physical contact. But that doesn’t mean intimate relationships aren’t important to others - and complaining that those people are commenting on how it affects them is misplaced. Ths is not a competition between whether it’s worse that we can’t hug our friends or our boyfriends. Not being allowed to see an intimate partner is also depriving you of cuddles or simple gestures - a lot more than just sex.And yet the article frequently chooses to frame it as a ban against hookups when it also affects many people in relationships who can’t move in at this point in time. I’ve seen people complain that they can’t spend time with or touch their partners of several years, for example. But actually, we also shouldn’t have to minimise the importance of sex, even in a casual setting. So let’s get onto that. “Those grieving for those they've lost to Covid-19, I’m sure, are far more interested in when they can hold their loved ones than when they can next hook up. Headlines about sex bans must feel particularly grating to them.” News just in: holding your loved ones and sex are mutually exclusive. You know, if any of us lose loved ones, we’ll be heartbroken and it will suck whether we can’t hug our sister who lives far away, or our boyfriend who we don’t live with. Please don’t use cheap emotional blackmail to suggest people can’t miss both or that both can’t be one and the same if you love your partner. I’d argue this probably says a lot about what the author thinks about relationships or sex, but I hope it’s just poor writing. “The uproar about the apparent ban on sex also plays into the rather sixth form idea that absolutely everyone is having loads of sex all the time. God forbid a few of us have to wait a few months for our next chance.” Also, tangential much? People aren’t upset because they can’t go 3 months without sex, they are upset because 3 months in a pandemic without any intimacy with a loved one is hard, especially if you’re in an intimate relationship that got suddenly cut off. Because that person and their support and cuddles is particularly important to you. This is also a weird double standard: It’s apparently OK to be devastated because nobody can give you a hug, but god forbid you are sad about being entirely separated from a significant other against your will. Also, apparently we’re all fantasists playing up how much sex we’re having. I don’t understand why this article comes across as so weridly moralising, but it does. Reducing sex to hooking up is moralising behaviour: and as someone with an interest in sexual health I have to state that it’s not up to you to put a value on sex for someone else. I don’t like it being illegal for me to hug my sister, or ... yes, have sex with my boyfriend- or you know, hug him too since this isn’t about sex alone. But I’m not here to police if someone doesn’t like the rules because they just miss sex. Whoever they have sex with. Sex is a fundamental part of being human for most people. Intimacy is core to many people’s mental health, particularly in a relationship, and that need is valid. Physical intimacy in general is a massive part of intimate relationships. It’s taken decades of progress for people to accept that sex is valid and enriching, not shameful. I’m worried that yes, behind our attitudes lies the still pervasive social attitudes that sex is dirty, wrong, and something for us to police if it doesn’t fit the bounds of what we consider acceptable. We haven’t eliminated harmful attitudes to sex, and the desire that others get to decide if vulerable populations like disabled people or the poor are allowed to have initmate lives. This is about how easily rules can be used to oppress or police others - as they have been in the past. What happens to sex workers? To our LGBTQ friends if someone decides that gay sex is riskier? It’s worth noting that intimacy is only illegal if you live apart - favouring those rich enough to have the space to move in together and the married. The poor, those living with others, those who aren’t ready to take that step, those who rely on sex to make a living - face an entirely different set of rules. It’s worth asking yourself why it’s OK to move in (and risk exposing each other) but not OK to visit the person you’d be allowed to expose all the time. Why it’s OK for the government to draw a line on which relationships matter, and when - and what hoops you have to jump through. This isn’t new - out LGBTQ friends will tell us this was always a thing. But we need to be ever more vigilant as our personal lives are policed more and more. “Nobody is talking about this” is legitimate criticism when we’re talking about a horrifying event people may be unaware of, but lazy writing when we’re talking about something that both evidently affects many people and ... is being discussed. It allows you to fill an article with righteous indignation about how people aren’t doing something rather than just... doing it. As it is, I’ve read multiple articles about people missing grandchildren, wanting to see recently born babies, missing their friends, struggling with this whilst being single. I’ve read articles about the lonely and vulnerable. And actually, more articles about all those things when you add them up, than I’ve seen about romantic relationships. Which is great - because this pandemic and the lockdown are having a massive effect on a lot of people in many ways, and it personally interests me that we record those experiences and share them. I’ve even seen so many articles about people missing going to the pub, or which restaurants they wish they could visit. And that’s OK, it can be the little things about normality that we miss. I miss museum dates, for example, and there wasn’t even any sex involved! We all miss normality. And I’ve had those conversations in real life, too. These conversations are important, but it’s possible to have them without downplaying something that doesn’t matter to you when it obviously matters to other people. I have been single for long periods of time; I’d be the first to suggest here’s more to life than romantic relationships. Hell, at times that was my absolute last priority. I’ve lived away from friends and family - I am not new to loving people at a distance, and it’s still been hard despite my having the experience to deal with it. If anything, this pandemic just shows how those links feel very different, when we’re not able to travel. Suddenly everyone feels much further away, and I re-evaluate just how happy I am to live far away. For what it’s worth, I think we need more articles highlighting how difficult it is to manage all sorts of interpersonal relatioships at a distance as lockdowns ease. And as someone who’s in a romantic relationship, the pain of bieng isolated in all these spheres just isn’t the same. I miss hugging my mum. And I miss my friends. And I miss my boyfriend. It all hurts. Looking at her own personal examples, the crux of the matter isn’t that she can’t see her family or friends - it’s that most of them live far away, and even if they live nearby, she’s not allowed to hug them. I’d love to hear more about people’s lives - what they are missing, what they hope to be able to do soon. And I can completely empathise with her: I wish I could see my sister, too: I’ve only seen her once since lockdown, briefly and under social distancing. I miss my friends - we live far apart but that used to be easier to bridge when we weren’t under lockdown. I have friends’ babies I’m yet to meet. New BFs yet to be introduced, etc. Weddings we’ve all missed. I can fully empathise with the author’s frustration at being unable to do these things - it has truly had a significant impact on my life this year that I’m mssing out on many of these things too. But that doesn’t in the slightest make it any less awful that I can’t be with my boyfriend, too.

#sex and relationships #jesus christ #i would never have predicted I'd be out here talking about how sex is important to people #it isn't even that important to me personally most of the time #but come on #long post #covid-19 journal

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mannien · 4 years

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Let me tell you a short reunion story

June 9, 2020.

We’re in the middle of a pandemic. Although the curve is far from flattening here, our government loosened the restrictions. Self-distancing is still very much advised, but we are allowed to meet up in large groups in public spaces, given that if the authorities ask, we’re each 2 meters apart from one another.

Due to the global situation, I’m on an unpaid leave. As of right now, it’s been a month and a half since I’ve last been at work; for other people it’s over two or three months. Ever since I had to stay home, I said that I missed work generally for its environment and daily tasks. And I truly do miss this aspect: no room redecorating, nor the attempts to write my thesis, will make up for not being able to sit in our social room, making myself a cup of not-so-good coffee, and surviving through a 12-hour shift.

I thought that I would only miss certain individuals.

I’m a deep introvert, I have hypersensitivity and severe anxiety, and oftentimes I suffer from serious panic attacks. Only a few people from work know this about me. However, my workplace has been the source of the majority of my social interactions for the past 5 years. I have one friend from high school, one from my university, and the rest is… well, work. Every now and then, we would meet up for drinks, be it without occasion or for someone’s birthday. Those times I would always look for my comfort people, those that I completely trust. My anxiety acts up seriously whenever I’m around drunk people, or even strangers for that matter, so I dread being socially pressured to interact with someone I don’t particularly feel connected with. The fact that I’m the listener and observer is not an advantage in those interactions.

I feel like over the past year or so, I’ve gained a significantly wider range of people who care about me at work. I started feeling like a crucial part of the team and others started to make it quite clear to me with how excited they were to have a shift with me, or by simply worrying about me. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I started caring more about the sole atmosphere at work and contributing to it, rather than just being in it. I’ve also lived through a competition for a promotion, so that shone a light on me a couple of times. I found an important sense of belonging. My work is the place where I got outspoken and outgoing, because I gradually got comfortable there. It’s even safe to say that I’m a different person at work than at home. Still, in those two versions I’m very true to myself. We could see that as my only Gemini trait.

After some time at home, several mental health-related issues emerged. Hours and hours spent on talking to my therapist started to shape my reality without work and as it turns out, it started lacking its prime qualities which enabled me to breathe. When you lack certain aspects in life, even feelings, you tend to search for them unconsciously. I did so by dissolving into my work environment. No family is perfect, no way of upbringing nor childhood are ideal. I was sure I would be okay at home because I can care about myself, but it wasn’t enough. Being on the thin line leading to depression taught me that I used to supply myself with the missing pieces at work. Suddenly I craved each call from my manager about boring administrative things. I was dying to keep on messaging with my work friends. There were situations which showed me just how much those people care about me, and there’s nothing I desire more than being cared about.

Yesterday we broke the self-distancing rule, many times. I left my house for a social gathering for the first time in months and I was so, so terrified. I was panicking inside. I didn’t know who will be there, will anyone be willing to talk to me, how do we greet each other? I knew for a fact that I would hug my best friend from work, because we spoke about it briefly earlier. But the rest? How do we treat each other? Do we fear each other? Do we care about general statistics, or stick to the fact that nobody got sick for COVID neither in our workspace ever, nor in the whole agglomeration today?

The tone of my mind changed when I noticed my first friend. The guy who’s never been affectionate with me, who started taking me seriously only some time ago, yet counted on me the most in the race for promotion. When he saw me he didn’t wave, he didn’t fist-bump me as always. He casually reached out and gave me even bigger of a hug than I expected from him. My breathing slowed down and I smiled.

When more people started coming, nobody knew how to greet each other. It felt awkward at first. But there were some people who I wish changed their mind when they saw me. I only wish, because probably they would do so anyway. My manager and one of the trustiest people I know there now, he upped the game. The guys went his way to give him a proper high-five, but he stopped them. He said there are priorities and looked at me. And then he gave me the cozy bear-hug that I always dream of.

Solely seeing the people that I used to see on a daily basis was such a relief to me. I didn’t have to worry about interacting because watching them, smiling at them, and casually adding some things up to their stories… it all felt natural. During the whole night only once, a friend asked me why am I so quiet. Only one time.

My heart melted a couple more times that night. I got the pleasure of seeing the guy that no longer works with us but he’s still close to our team. We always had an exciting and loving chemistry between us two, almost as if we would make a good couple and we both knew it. We just appreciated each other, always enjoyed our shifts together, and then added a few affectionate gestures here and there. He woke up the crush that I used to have on him, when he greeted me. He was fist-bumping everyone, not breaking any safety boundaries, so I didn’t even stand up from my comfortable sit on the grass. But when he approached me he actually made the effort and leaned down to me, greeted me as everyone else, but then side-hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. My heart was full.

I hugged a lot with my work best friend, even though we didn’t greet each other at all: I was too stressed out. That night I got drunk not only with two soft beers, but also with love, friendship, and casual acts of affection contained within laughs and conversations. I didn’t need a girlfriend to walk me to the loo, but rather the most annoying at times but the most fun guy friend did it, made some drunken remarks about it, but then hugged me. I hugged a lot. I shouldn’t, but I did. My heart needed it. I didn’t care that some of those people were drunk as fuck, I just couldn’t care less. I was out with my team, they enjoyed my company, and I looked at the watch only once. Not once did it cross my mind to go home early. I didn’t want to. I was safe with my people. For the first time. All it took was a pandemic and loosing stable employment.

Oh, and my manager cares the most. He put me on the schedule for July. All he needs is the board’s approval.

I tossed around a lot that night. I felt very hot, quite sick even, so I started worrying that maybe I’ve gotten infected with the virus. But I don’t think I did. I just got drunk.

I love my people.

#me #my post #covid #quarantine #diary #writing #reunion story

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sunshineandfangs · 5 years

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Klarosummer - Bali, Indonesia || Terbang Menjauh

@klarosummerbingo

Caroline stared up at her light yellow ceiling from where she was sprawled on her bed. Even gazing straight up she could see in her peripherals the gaps where photos and cheer competition trophies and wall decorations used to be.

Most of her things had been moved to her dorm in Whitmore, leaving only the essentials in her old bedroom. And as Caroline laid in the bare bones of her childhood she wondered to herself what the hell she was doing.

She had turned down acceptances to her child self’s dream schools, bundling herself up and shipping away to somewhere close to home. And she had her list of reasons. Wanting to be close to her mom. Wanting to be close to her friends. Not wanting to waste the limited amount of time she had left with her human life, not when she had all of eternity promised to her.

And they were valid and important reasons, but she was also tired.

College was supposed to be one of her last big human milestones. Instead she and her friends were inundated with more Supernatural shenanigans: killing Silas (again!), burying collateral damage (how she fucking hated those words), uncovering anti-vampire secret societies (Augustine 0/10, do not recommend), Travelers, endless friggin’ drama.

So, that’s how she ended up here.

Contrary to her Caroline Forbes neurotic, control-freak on crack persona, she had spontaneously taken the weekend off to just get some space. Some perspective.

The sound of the front door opening carried up to her ears.

“Hey, Mom?” She called out, already half-down the stairs.

In uniform, as always, her mom jolted, hand going for her gun holster until she processed who was there.

The woman relaxed, though her eyebrows pinched together a bit, confused.

“Sweetie, I wasn’t expecting you.” The older blonde set down her coat, lips slightly down-turned. “Is something wrong?”

Caroline shifted, fingers rubbing at the material of her floral dress.

She bit her lip.

“Mom? ...Would-would you be angry if I took a break from college?”

And although Caroline’s relationship had vastly improved with her mother (it only took her death), she was still surprised by the calm reaction.

Her mom just pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and sat down.

“Can you tell me why?”

She paced back and forth, trying to put her mental state into words.

“I just- I feel tired. Right now, school is actually one of my lower priorities because it seems some new supernatural problem pops up every week. And even if that wasn’t part of the issue, I also know I can go do school anytime. Hell, I can go more than once if I really want to. And honestly, I never thought it would be me who’s saying something like this, but I want more time to discover what it is I want from my life.”

Caroline turned to face her mother, offering a slightly self-deprecating smile.

“You know me, I had all these plans. My five, ten, twenty year goals and lists and priorities all mapped out. And then a year ago I had to scrap most of it.” She ran a hand through her curls, turning slightly to pace a few more steps. “But now, I’m coming to realize maybe I’ve been clinging too hard to the parts I had left, rather than scrapping it and coming up with a new plan. One that works for the me I am now.”

“You seem to have given this a lot of thought.”

A giggle burst from Caroline’s lips.

“Actually I haven’t! Maybe it’s been building for a while, but earlier today I just hopped into my car and drove down here.”

She turned back to face her mom, hearing as the woman stood from her chair and walked over.

Her hand was warm but firm on Caroline’s shoulder.

“Caroline, I know we haven’t always been the best people to each other, and I haven’t always been the best mom. But I did always want you to be happy, healthy, safe. And this is the first time in a while I’ve seen you truly passionate about something. So, if you came here for my blessing, you have it.” The sheriff affixed a wry little grin on her face. “And if you wanted my guidance... well, maybe a happy medium between a twenty year plan and hopping in the car.”

Caroline’s resulting smile was enormous, practically beaming in delight. And she threw her arms around her mother, all but smothering the poor woman in a hug as she hid the beading tears starting to gather at the corner’s of her eyes.

“Thanks, mom,” she whispered.

Back in her room, having hashed out some of the logistics of leaving so suddenly (Thanks, Mom!), Caroline dug out her old globe. She grinned, tickled by the cliche she was about to indulge in.

Shutting her eyes and giving it a quick spin, she set her index finger on the textured plastic as it slowed and stopped.

Eyes opening, her finger traced over the bright pink islands. Small black text declaring her destination.

“Indonesia,” she breathed in wonderment.

A smile started to stretch across her face, she knew little about Indonesia.

In a blur, Caroline darted around the room, snatching up her laptop and scrounging through her near empty desk for a notepad and a sad three little highlighters (cyan, pink, and yellow).

And even as she pulled page after page of Google results, her tab count growing by the second, another resource idea wiggled around in the back of her head. Almost subconsciously her hand reached for her phone, pulling up her contacts, and pausing. Her thumb hovering over the K’s as Caroline glanced down at the screen.

Spontaneity has been working for me.

Before she could second guess herself and talk herself out of it, she tapped the name, pulling up the little menu and hitting ‘Call.’

It rang.

Ring. Ri-

“Hello, Caroline.”

“Klaus,” she breathed.

“I must say, sweetheart, this is a pleasant surprise. After our lovely rendezvous in the woods I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon.” She could hear the smile in his words and felt a bloom of heat in her cheeks (God, she couldn’t wait until she didn’t blush so noticeably anymore. Old vampires got all the perks). And then his tone shifted. “You’re not calling because you’re in trouble are you? I haven’t received any such news recently, but if you need something just say the word I’ll-”

Caroline cut him off with a laugh, ignoring the little flutter of her heart and the silly grin on her face. “No, no, it’s nothing like that!” Pause. “Wait a minute, ‘received any such news’? Klaus!” She admonished.

He was unrepentant. “I have not broken my word, I’ve not set foot in Mystic Falls.”

She scoffed. “Gee, I didn’t think I had to voice how not okay creepy spies are, Klaus. My mistake.”

Rather than reacting to her typical jab, Klaus responded with his unnerving brand of sincerity.

“I will not apologize, Caroline, for wanting some measure of the dangers in your life. Your friends aren’t exactly known for their restraint.��

“Yeah, well,” she mumbled, not having much defense against that. “That still doesn’t make it okay!”

“I’d rather your ire than your death, Caroline. Augustine, the Travelers, Silas? I admit I was a mere hairsbreadth away from breaking my word to you.”

Caroline coughed, flustered. She waved her hand in the air, as if he could see her trying to brush away the sentiment.

“Well, nevermind all that, it’s not why I called.”

She heard a door close and sheets rustle, Klaus having apparently retreated to his room to talk to her. Unbidden, imaginings of his bed sprang into her mind, before she quickly snapped herself out of it.

She cleared her throat. “Right, um, so actually I was wondering, if you had any traveling tips for Indonesia?”

“Indonesia?” He repeated, surprised.

“Um, yeah, I decided I wanted to get away for a little while. See a bit of the world and all that.”

“And college? Building a life for yourself with all your plans and the future and the things you want?”

She blinked, not having expected to hear her own words parroted back to her.

He continued, seeming to sense the direction of her thoughts in that uncanny way of his. “I remember all our encounters vividly, Caroline, and that day in particular is quite seared into my memory.”

She clicked on one of her forgotten tabs, absently reading the quick tips guide as she tried to calm her suddenly elevated heart-rate.

Her eyes froze on a line of black and white pixels, unsure of what she was even reading. Did she really want to keep doing this? Wasn’t she trying something new?

So, she took a breath and took a chance.

“I still have plans and things I want, Klaus. It’s just expanded to include some genuine beauty as well. After all I’m free, right? No longer bound by trivial conventions?”

Klaus sucked in a breath, and Caroline was pleased she could catch him off guard for once in this conversation.

“Yes, you’re free, Caroline,” he said softly, layers of meaning in his tone. The words sat heavy between them, the two feeling as if they were on the precipice of something.

And then he cleared his throat.

“So tell me then, what parts of Indonesia do you most wish to see?”

---

Caroline grinned, pink toe nails gleaming as she wiggled her feet in the smooth, hot sand.

She had been in Bali for a few days now, mostly indulging in its gorgeous beaches.

Of course Klaus had tried to steer her towards some of the more culturally enriched spots as well as a couple of the hidden gems he had come across in his own travels. But he had conceded (with some grumbling) to her desires to experience the more touristy attractions.

The beaches were first, just for their sheer relaxation factor, but she also had a list of temples, and Pura Besakih was one she was particularly looking forward to seeing.

And she may have casually mentioned that, perhaps, next time she visited he could show her his preferred places. That earned her another surprised breath and significantly less grumbling. (She was quite glad it wasn’t a video call though, her expression far from the cavalier attitude her voice implied).

Caroline shook herself from her thoughts, eyes glancing around to find the perfect spot to situate herself. Settling on one quickly, she then set it up to her liking. Towel, beach chair, beach umbrella (closed for the moment though, she wanted to bask in the sun first!).

Lounging in her chair, she shucked her shirt and sarong, leaving her clad in a light blue bikini. Sunglasses perched on her nose, she let her eyes drift shut, the sun warm on her skin.

---

She wasn’t sure how long she laid there for, but a frown pulled at her lips as a shadow fell across her.

Wondering which rude fellow beach goer was about to get an earful from her, she cracked an eye open.

Both eyes blew wide as she shoved the glasses up.

“Klaus?!” She spluttered.

He smiled.

“Hello, Caroline.”

...Should she be mad about this? Did she want to be mad about it?

As Caroline continued to stare at him, it was the tinge of uncertainty she saw that convinced her.

Pushing her glasses back down, she leaned back in her chair once more.

“Well,” she sniffed. “Don’t just stand there, you’re blocking the sun.” She held up her fingers. “Sun, sand, swimming, the three essentials of the beach. I won’t settle for just two of the three, Klaus!”

His smile turned into a grin as he quickly sat on her towel, leaning back on his hands as he turned to look at her.

“Lay down, Klaus,” she commanded. “This is quiet, relaxation time. We’ll talk later.” She hesitated before tacking on, “I’m glad you’re here though.”

...

“Don’t let it go to your head!”

Klaus grinned as he laid back.

Too late.

---

Author’s Note: Today’s title is “Fly Away” in Indonesian. Also le gasp, what’s this? Mid-TVD canon divergence?! Wow, I didn’t know I knew how to do that lol. Also the vagueness and timeline jumbling is because I quit watching after season 3 so everything I know after that point I’ve absorbed through fandom osmosis.

#Klaroline #KlarosummerBingo #Klaroline Fanfiction #Klaroline Drabbles #Klaroline Edits #Klaroline Photosets #Klaroline Aesthetics #My Writing #My Edits

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Ava & James

Ava: I've told all my family James: oh Ava: Maybe don't oh that hard Ava: thinking you've changed your mind and that's going to be very difficult to do a 180 on tbh James: I'm actually thinking about Bella's dad's reaction Ava: As far as I'm aware, my dad doesn't have a shotgun Ava: or an excellent moustache Ava: definitely not James: Mine does, on both counts, but the mentality simply isn't there James: war of words is as far as things have so far escalated Ava: That's a good visual Ava: what about your mum? James: she's very busy lining up every single woman she's aware of between the ages of 20 to 30 within a mile radius or so Ava: Very Mr Darcy Ava: I'll gatecrash James: I look forward to the dramatic dance scene during which we only touch palms & exchange looks Ava: I bet Lizzie Bennet didn't 😳 Ava: shame my sister isn't around to push over so your parents are forced to take us in whilst she languishes James: 😂 James: I'll happily push my sister over or let her fall through an iced over pond to further our romantic narrative Ava: 💘 Ava: I know it's less about me but I can swoon nonetheless James: if you're 😳 then you'll have my full attention regardless Ava: Promise? James: yes Ava: even if the single ladies have really good period costumes? James: well, I hadn't considered that Ava: 😏 Ava: rude James: before I decide, what are you going to be wearing when you gatecrash? Ava: Obviously something unexpectedly knockout Ava: am the protagonist, need I remind you James: okay, what I'm hearing is anything you already own or could pick out from anywhere given a few moments Ava: You're adorable Ava: how did it go really then? James: does that mean I'll get to see you before there's a seasons changing montage? because I really want to Ava: Providing you don't need to exile yourself, of course James: I'm sure there's now several people in both our lives who would like me to, but I won't Ava: They were as receptive as I expected but I've made it clear I won't be stopping seeing you, hopefully put to bed the concerns I can James: in my case, the only concern is outward appearances so there's very little I can do even if I particularly cared to James: & Teddy isn't concerned so much as shocked & appalled Ava: Of course Ava: at least I'm an addendum re. the main issue of the whole divorce, in that case? Ava: yeah, do you think I should make a point of talking to him or give him space? James: will you? as far as he's concerned I haven't made a good decision within his living memory, but you two are friends, or were Ava: I'll try, definitely Ava: if I can make him see it's as much my decision as yours, it might help, in the end Ava: and I can handle another person having their say James: thank you James: I meant what I said, I'm more than willing to discuss this with your parents, at any point James: I can handle that Ava: Thank you Ava: I think it might help Ava: but I also think I'm gonna give them a cool-off period or it won't be at all helpful and that won't be at all your fault James: understood James: I'm currently having to employ a similar situation with Jay's playdates because her friend's mothers cannot possibly keep their nose out of my business or their mouths shut about where hers is and every other single detail they believe to be fact Ava: Oh lord Ava: I wouldn't have envied you having to socialize by-proxy with the self-professed yummy mummies before but now Ava: I can only imagine Ava: Poor Jay Ava: I can't offer a human child for playdates but Frank is always down Ava: and my lips are, naturally, sealed James: I was hoping to take them away for a few days but it's as though my dad has decided that in lieu of my failings in other areas I need to suddenly become the hardest worker in the history of this company Ava: Of course Ava: Hmm James: because obviously what my children require most in their mother's absence is to also see me less Ava: Well, yeah, that's not potentially traumatizing Ava: thank God for School being right 'round the corner Ava: and Matty still being portable James: I've been bringing them both to the office & the bulging vein in his temple is honestly such a strong contender for the book cover Ava: 😏 That's how you do it Ava: risk his health and wellbeing so you get the time off for yours James: King's didn't teach me everything I know, I've got a few tricks Ava: When are you giving me that tour? James: When can I see you? Ava: When is your dad not working you to death? Ava: I can make it work James: [A pause while he figures that out] James: he's out of the office all day on [a date in the foreseeable to make this office hookup a thing] Ava: No offense but if your brother shows up again you need to send him on a really long coffee run James: as you said, school is right around the corner, meaning my parents priorities have shifted back to making sure he'll go Ava: In that case Ava: 😈 James: 😇 for saying yes Ava: I have ulterior motives, I promise you James: oh really? Ava: really Ava: it's very unfair I've yet to see you in your work clothes James: [sends her a pic because nobody can stop him] Ava: um hello 😍 Ava: you're really going to be away from me looking so good Ava: unfair James: I'm sorry James: I really, really am Ava: Me too Ava: I've not seen you enough to warrant how badly I want to right now James: [a casual essay about how much he misses her and wants her and everything he wishes they could do, in a saucy way but also just in cute ways like] Ava: James James: Ava Ava: I really love you, you know James: I love you too James: what I most wish is that we could go away for a while Ava: That would be Ava: so good Ava: maybe we could in like the Christmas hols, when everything has calmed down Ava: hopefully James: it would be indescribable Ava: I have no doubt you would do your best Ava: and it'd be impressive James: the subject matter lends itself to nothing but my best Ava: I'm honoured🙇 James: so am I, especially by that visual Ava: Gutted I'm out rn and can't immediately fulfill that wish for a visual like you did Ava: when I get back though James: [sends her an even better visual] James: until then, there you are Ava: oh, well, you aren't distracting at all 😖 Ava: definitely gonna get you back when you're so hard at work James: 😈 James: I so badly hope you do Ava: I intend to Ava: every day of the week Ava: but especially when I get to come see you James: you know, the things I intend to do to you on this desk drastically shifts the audience we're going to be able to pitch this book to Ava: You'll have to restrain your imagination in the write-up so the audience can use theirs to fill in the blanks Ava: because there's no way we're leaving your office 'til we've done everything you've thought of James: finally some overtime I'm not upset about Ava: It's all about balance, right? 😇 James: & I'm aware that you've got very good balance Ava: Will that help me be the best good luck charm on your best I can be? 🤔 Ava: intriguing 😋 James: absolutely, but if you need any more help, I'll help you Ava: You're very helpful, baby James: I try to be Ava: I've never met anyone like you James: I don't think I'll ever meet anyone else that comes close to you either James: I certainly haven't before Ava: Good Ava: I don't need to think about competiting so soon James: you don't need to think about it, full stop Ava: not 'til the dance, anyway James: even then, I'll only have eyes for you, that's the cliche Ava: Of course Ava: doesn't mean I'm not gonna do everything within my power to ensure it's worth your 👀s while James: I don't want to dance with anyone else, Ava James: I don't want to do any of this with anyone else Ava: I know Ava: you know I feel the same too James: you know I couldn't have done this without you though Ava: You did it all though, all the hard conversations and hard decisions James: a lot of those decisions were made for me, so there's limited credit due, & a lack of conversation with her just cements that Ava: Yeah but the ball is in her court on that one Ava: you're if not ready at least willing whenever she is James: of course, because that's not a decision, to not act, not any more Ava: yeah, and that's going to be a good thing Ava: even if it is not good all the time James: I'll be interested to see if she gets in contact before school starts because that's unlikely to be a good thing Ava: Yes, I wonder if this is just a summer holiday or Ava: makes you wonder what she's even doing that could keep her so 'busy' James: whoever cleans the pool, probably, not that she'd ever admit to such a cliche Ava: 😬 Ava: definitely not getting paid enough James: 😂 Ava: I'm just glad that right now you don't have to deal with her on the day to day, even if it's only a momentary reprieve, it'll never be that bad again James: me too, I can't & won't pretend that I didn't know how bad it had become but actually getting a break from it makes me wonder how either of us dealt with that for as long as we have Ava: I bet Ava: she must've been as sick of it, even though she was the one not letting go and doing the fucked up shit, that has to be exhausting to live like that Ava: full level hell beast all the time, like 😈 Ava: sorry, I'm not fully sure where the line is re. her Ava: but I've been hearing great things from Nancy and Buster today so, that's in my head James: it's okay, you're not wrong James: & neither are they Ava: Okay Ava: if it's ever weird or like, not up for discussion though, just say the word Ava: or several, as you're especially loquacious James: there's a fantastic word Ava: as far as safewords go Ava: I can think of a few situations where it might be hard to get out but isn't that half the fun James: I'll make a note of it, because yes, that's definitely a large percentage of the thrill Ava: I wish you were here Ava: I only am to get away from my parents for a bit James: where are you? Ava: My friend's house Ava: Her sister is called Stasia, think she was your year-ish? James: I remember her, whether she would me, favourably or otherwise, I can't possibly comment James: I'll take you home when you want to go Ava: Really? Ava: well, I'll go at whatever time means I get some extra with you James: okay, I'll take that as my cue to leave now, not only because any reason to get out of here is welcomed though Ava: Please do Ava: talking about you so much has only made my need to be with you even greater James: I can absolutely relate & admit to having had the same urge all day Ava: Oh good Ava: we're on the same page James: that said, a necessary note in the margin would be that in actual fact I've felt that way much longer, because whatever I'm talking about, I'm thinking about you Ava: Sometimes I think I think about you too much Ava: but then I remember I'm the protagonist in this romance so it's not just acceptable but necessary James: you can do whatever you like, darling, it's your story Ava: In that case Ava: read on James: voraciously Ava: 🤤🤤 James James: I'm just making sure we're still on the same page Ava: You're gonna have trouble keeping me on the page Ava: and making me go home James: & the driver's eyes on the road, we may need more than the Twilight soundtrack on this occasion Ava: Pride & Prejudice 2005? Ava: gotcha, honey James: 😂 James: yes, exactly Ava: 😊 Ava: I love you so much James: I miss you so much James: if I could take you home with me, I very happily would Ava: I know Ava: one day James: after the move to the other side of the river, because we both know there is a line Ava: It's pretty exciting, isn't it? James: I'm glad to hear you think so because I was going to ask you if you'd like to come house hunting with me Ava: I'd love to! James: [a possible date soonish] ? Ava: That should be good for me Ava: I'll let you know if otherwise Ava: it'll be nice to look at some actual decent places, let's face it, I doubt my student digs will be all that inspiring, like 😏 James: barely room for whatever hazing pranks they have in store, I'm sure Ava: I'm still not convinced that particular visual doesn't just come from a certain type of movie, babe James: you'll have to let me know 😏 Ava: I'll make it good for you James: my faith in you remains unwavering Ava: 🙇 James: have you reconsidered your stance on spoilers? Ava: That does depend James: oh? Ava: have you dumped fake girl? James: she was very slow to accept her fate, but yes Ava: I can't blame her Ava: I wouldn't wanna lose you either Ava: [picture, assumedly in her friend's room or somewhere not just in front of them like oh hey] James: Ava Ava: Make traffic move faster please James: I'll do the quickest rewrite possible & see you at your friend's door Ava: I'll be waiting so patiently James: & I'll be waiting impatiently James: 😇 & 😈 Ava: I think you deserve to be 😈 right now Ava: been a long day, yeah? James: yes, though it feels longer now, stretching out with the queued traffic Ava: 🥺 Ava: we'll just have to see it as motivation to not waste a single second James: it's a promise, in or out of traffic Ava: I'm so lucky James: if you think you are, then I need a better word to describe my own fortune right now Ava: I'm just really happy Ava: in spite of anything else, everything else, right now James: good, me too Ava: 🥰 Ava: you deserve that even more James: you deserve more than I can possibly give you, however patiently you wait Ava: nuuh James: yes you do Ava: 😣 Ava: no Ava: and I want you James: I want you, I'm well aware that it doesn't mean I deserve to have you Ava: How could you possibly not James: because James: the reasons I lack words to describe you aren't even close to the reasons I lack them to describe myself Ava: but I can't describe you either Ava: not just because I'm no writer James: but you do, all the time, in both words & actions I can vividly see myself the way you think of me Ava: I'm glad Ava: keep looking, okay Ava: we'll work on the believing bit James: okay James: if you'd like to get in the car, we can start immediately

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irnwoman · 6 years

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PLAYLIST STORIES: come monday night --- god help the girl

DO NOT REBLOG !!! BASED ON MY OWN HCS, DO NOT COPY EITHER.

COME MONDAY NIGHT, WE’RE IN A STATE OF PRAISE TWENTY MILLION BOYS ARE CAUGHT UP IN A PAPER CHASE IF THE WEEKEND PROMISED MUCH, THEN I FAILED TO TOUCH ON A SINGLE COUNT’VE WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR

“You’re going to run yourself into the ground, Gin.” Mallory Andersen clicked her tongue, a combination of concern and mild annoyance in her words as she tossed her dark, damp ponytail over her shoulder. Her nails clicked on the counter top of Henrietta's Hideaway, the ocean grey-blue polish on them already chipping after overexposure to chlorine, as her plate of fries sat neglected.

Mallory’s eyes followed the near blur of orange and turquoise that was Ginny Potts refilling water glasses and clearing plates from the other side of the counter with the same sigh she always expelled. Ginny looked back at her from behind ginger bangs, walking over to refill her water pitcher. If Mallory was tired of having to give the same lecture three times a week, then Ginny was doubly tired of hearing it. She knew that her friend meant well, or at least thought she did, but she was talking about things she just couldn’t understand.

“You’re so dramatic,” she retorted, not really denying her claim. There would be no use to do so, it was only the second hour into her shift and Ginny was tempted just a bit to just curl up in an empty diner booth to sleep for a million years. Her body was still sore from swim practice, coach pushing them harder due to an upcoming tournament in Astoria in a couple weeks. Ginny was finishing in the backstroke and starting in the front crawl, which was going to look on her transcripts and to any spectators who might offer her scholarships; but it was terrible for the sixteen year old girl who was scheduled to work five hours each night that week before tackling her homework and any help her father would need. He was getting worse, although he refused to acknowledge it to them, Ginny knew. They all knew.

Mallory raised an eyebrow, “and you’re impossible. God, you’re like a robot sometimes. All you do is work, work, work. I gotta twist your arm to do anything remotely fun with me.” It was clear that she was in one of her infamous moods, unquestionable by the way she waved her arms and slouched back in her seat as if exhausted by her. Ginny had become skilled in reading Mallory’s varied weathers, her first most useful skill upon moving to Oregon. She’d have been more exhausted Mallory in return, if she didn’t catch the flicker of sadness in her eye. It was becoming more and more frequent, but no matter how she pried, Mallory denied its existence; which did nothing to make Ginny more sympathetic to her small tantrum. “Are you even going to be able to go to the competition? You basically live here, when you aren’t chained at home playing housemaid and nurse.”

Ginny stiffened, hurt flickering in her eye for a moment before swallowing it down. To her credit, Mallory seemed to realise this was a step to far. She didn’t apologise, but she backed down from her attack and looked guilty. Ginny, for her part, held a stiff upper lip and turned to put ice into the pitcher; using the moment of brief privacy to push her emotions down. Her temper would only get her in trouble and make Mallory’s mood worse. It felt unfair, but Ginny didn’t have many other friends. Friends were time, time was precious for her. It was lonely, and it had hurt as her circle slowly grew more and more enclosed. For all her griping, Mallory at least was contented to just fuss a couple times a week but remained by her side regardless.

The worst part, was that Ginny hadn’t quite figured out Astoria yet. She was working every moment she could spare, they needed money. Four paychecks wasn’t enough to get them everything they needed. Food and bills left hardly anything for her father’s health. It felt like a failure on her part, unable to pull some miracle from nowhere to solve it all. Ginny managed to maintain her high grade point average, working between classes, on breaks and late into the night on her homework. Swimming, and if she was honest, Gymnastics, were her only leisure activities - but even that wasn’t fully true. While she loved them, they were only allowed to remain priorities because of one reason: Ginny was too poor to pay for school on her own. She needed every opportunity possible. Scholarships, offers - if she was ever going to be able to help properly, she needed to more than the local community college.

Of course, this all relied on her father’s health remaining as stable as possible. Paying the bills on his latest treatment had set them so far in the red. But so far, signs were hopeful. Ginny didn’t take comfort in hope though, she took it from facts; and thinking about all of this now was only going to make her freak out. The ginger was just barely holding it together as it was, linger on details she had run through her head a million times over wasn’t going to solve anything.

Turning back towards Mallory, Ginny kept a calm and leveled tone as she spoke, “It’ll be fine, I’ll figure it out. We’ll have tons of fun in Astoria for the competition and it’ll be okay. Alright?”

Mallory didn’t answer this time, instead tearing the end off of her straw wrapper and blowing the remaining paper at her face. There was a cheeky grin on her face, one that (despite the hurt and annoyance from moments before) was infectious just enough to make Ginny roll her eyes and accept it for the weird truce it was done in the name of. “Whatever you say Ginnybot.” Mallory replied, but her tone lighter, even if a tad forced. She’d still take it.

“You’re ridiculous.”

Mallory shrugged, “Maybe so, but you love me.”

“Debatable.” she called back as she walked away over to the window, to pick up an order; hearing Mallory’s mock scoff of offense. It didn’t make a lot of sense, Mallory could be selfish and insensitive, but she really did. Maybe Mallory wasn’t the best friend in the world, but if she was honest, Ginny was far from it as well.

They deserved each other.

The sun had already fallen by the time Ginny reached their house. An old family stead that had been passed down between Potts’ for who knew how long. She imagined once it had been a beautiful ocean view house, but several storms and lack of funds had left it worn and a shadow of itself. It was spacious, chilly, but it had the most beautiful views of the coastline, and there was no better place to stargaze then from their porch.

Or maybe these were things she just told herself to make herself feel better about circumstances; that maybe in her most secret of hearts, she still pictured the small house with the blue door in Philadelphia as her home still. Maybe; but she knew that was a door she wasn’t up to opening, so instead, Ginny found beauty in her present circumstances.

The living room light was on, she could hear the TV playing from the porch. Toby, her mind instantly supplied, as he was always the one cranking it too loud. She winced as she closed the front door and was flooded with the sounds of recording shouts from the TV. Highlights from a baseball game were playing on the screen. “For god sake Toby, turn that down! It’s after nine o’clock!” she shouted, kicking off her shoes in the hallway and tossing her coat on the hook before marching into the room.

Her brother, Toby, lounged lazily on the sofa. Still in his uniform from the Grocery Store. He ignored her, as usual. A habit of his lately, calling her bossy and fussy. To which earned several retorts of do it yourself, and I won’t have to tell you. A retort he did not take kindly to, prompting several arguments between them. Already gearing up for another, she raised her voice, “HEY! Turn that down! Or off. Or SOMETHING. Come on, dad’s probably trying to sleep and some of us with ears would like to keep their hearing.”

He rolled his eyes, “Dad’s out cold, he’s not gonna wake up.” Ginny scowled, snatching the remote from his hands. Toby yelped as she cranked the volume down, “Fuck off, Gin!”

“Then keep on low, idiot!”

“Oh my god, if you tell me what to do one more time…”

“What’s going on in here?” a new voice piped in, prompting both heads to turn and see Sean in the door, also coming home from work late. The eldest brother looked between the others with a tired expression. “You guys are going to wake the whole house, can you not get into tonight?”

Toby brushed passed Ginny briskly, knocking her shoulder as he did. “Whatever.” he grumbled, before storming outside.

Ginny’s eyes widened in anger, ready to march after him and tell him he couldn’t just take off before she felt a hand on her shoulder. Sean’s tired eyes pleading with her, “Please, Gin, just let him go.”

“You’re kidding me?” Normally Sean was just as actively on “Toby duty” as she was.

Her brother just sighed. “He’s in a bad mood, she didn’t call yesterday.”

The fight left Ginny at those words, the day before had been Toby’s birthday. She had been able to spend a fair amount of the day with them all before working a closing shift at the diner. When she had come home, the house had been dark and quiet. When she had left, she knew Toby had been, as casually as possible, lingering near the phone.

Their mom promised to call on holidays and birthdays; but her track record was notoriously poor. The last time she had spoken to her had been around Christmas. It was now May. Her own birthday having passed without a call either; but Ginny had cared significantly less than her brother. He had always cared more about it all; Toby and her mom had once been extremely close years ago. That had been before though. All she had hoped was that Gina Potts had put her work aside for five minutes to give her brother a phone call.

Apparently that was expecting way too much.

“Shit, really?” Sean just gave her a defeated sigh as an answer. It didn’t excuse Toby for his behaviour, not when he was getting increasingly more dick-ish to them all most days regardless. Still, Ginny couldn’t help her heart from going out to him in this case.

The T.V. was turned off, Sean had collapsed into bed soon after. Ginny had gone upstairs to check on her dad, who was comfortably still asleep, before bringing her books downstairs into the kitchen. Setting up at the table with a cup of coffee as she poured into her homework. Math was easy; Math was something she had already cleared between her lunch and breaks at the diner. Science was a bit trickier, going over the parts of an atom. Mallory was in her class, so she knew she could copy her notes later. English wasn’t hard, but as the hours progressed, her eyes began to blur as she dissected quotes from Macbeth. Ginny had learned that French and Spanish were best done in the morning; it was too damn easy to mix them up as she conjugated various verbs after one in the morning.

She was on cup number two when she heard the front door open quietly, footsteps running upstairs and disappearing into the room she knew was Toby’s. Breathing a bit easier knowing he was home. Around cup four, Ginny lost track of time as she tried to make her essay as legible as possible. Not realising the time until she felt a hand clasp her shoulder. Nearly jumping out of her skin as she turned to see her Uncle Morgan looking down at her. Just coming in from his late night shift at the factory; his eyes sympathetic and heavy with bags.

“Gin, what are you doing?” his voice, to his credit, held no judgement; but laden with concern. Something she was becoming increasingly tired of. “It’s four in the morning.”

“I have too much to do.”

“You’re gonna be exhausted, Gigi.” the nickname prompting a slight smile in the corner of his mouth, “You got class in a few hours.”

Ginny gestured to her books, her face coloured to show as if that was exactly her point. “I know! That’s why I’ve got to keep working.”

Morgan sighed, sadness tinting his eye. Not for the first time, and unlike with Mallory, she knew what this was for. The feeling of guilt; the feeling of sadness for how unfair it was that the three kids be forced into these positions. And unknown by Ginny, a bitterness about how the one who could help chose not to. Thinking how her radio silence the past few months happened to coincide with the diagnosis. What could he do? Tell her not to? Tell her to forget her homework? Quit her job? No, as much as he wished he could, he couldn’t say that to any of them. As much as he hated it, this was the life they were stuck with. “You ain’t gonna get anything worth nothing done now. You got a few hours still. I’ll drive you in the morning, go get some sleep. Please? And don’t tell your dad you were up late again, he worries.”

She wanted to argue, opened her mouth to tell him how there was no point, but a yawn wiggled out before she could. Making her arguments invalid. “...okay.” Her body felt heavy as she rose from the chair. Morgan gave her a half hug before ushering her out of the kitchen. Ginny felt her body run on autopilot as she moved into her room and fell onto her bed, still in her uniform. A testament to how exhausted she was, even after four cups of coffee… more if she counted what she had during her shift, Ginny fell asleep instantly. She slept until eight, earning four hours. Not the worst. She’d gone on less. The sound of her alarm felt like the cruelest thing in the world; but still she rose up. Body aching, screaming for more sleep. Just like the day before and the day before that. Ginny groaned as she stretched and moved to change her clothes. Her eyes fell on the calendar by her dresser.

It was only Tuesday.

It was going to be a very long week.

LIGHT THAT COMES IN FROM OUTSIDE IF YOU COULD CATCH IT ALL AND PIN IT TO YOUR WALL THEN YOU WOULD SLEEP MUCH BETTER BABY, YOU WOULD SLEEP MUCH BETTER

#ARC 001 / PRELUDE*#I'M TRYING TO DO THE JOB YOU WERE MEANT TO DO ( about* )#DO NOT REBLOG*#YOUR SECRETARY MIGHT END UP YOUR BOSS ( pepper potts* )#PERSONNEL FILE ( potts; tobias* )#PERSONNEL FILE ( potts-granger; sean* )#PERSONNEL FILE ( potts; morgan* )

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vorthosjay · 6 years

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GDS 3 Essay Response

In case anyone was interested, I entered the GDS. Since others seem to be posting their essays, I figured I might as well too.

If you made last night’s deadline, good luck!

1. Introduce yourself and explain why you are a good fit for this internship.

My name is Jay Annelli. I work in Emergency Management [Note, I’ve redacted more info about myself here]. As part of my job, I’m expected to deal with unexpected events at any given time and develop creative solutions to problems under severe time and financial constraints. This usually means working collaboratively in cross-cutting teams to create the best possible outcome, whether it’s a plan, a process, or the response to an event. I strongly value collaborative working environments and the pit sounds like exactly the kind of place I would thrive.

Because of my work in Emergency Management, I work well in stressful environments and roll pretty easily with sudden shifts in priorities. For instance, last year I was given five weeks to move our entire 30,000 square foot warehouse operation, a project that should have had months to plan instead had weeks. I’m used to projects being suddenly cancelled or having to re-work them from the ground up based on new directives with little time. But those same experiences have given me the skills to sell projects to senior leadership, and with government work I know how to slowly get traction for an idea while completing competing priorities.

I’ve always been a jack-of-all-trades, and thrive in positions where I have a lot of different kinds of tasks to complete. I’ve got experience in everything from legislative analysis to warehouse logistics. And I love Magic, and have turned my hobby – passion about the lore – into a paying freelance gig. The reality is I’m not going to be the best designer ever, but you don’t need great designers because you’re not working in a vacuum, you need people who can come together and make great design teams. I’m an experienced leader and manager and work well in team environments where I can complement my teammate’s skills. More so, I recognize the process through which work gets completed is often more important than the skills of the individuals performing the work. R&D has gone through some fairly major organization shake-ups lately, and it would be my hope to help continue to improve processes.

2. An evergreen mechanic is a keyword mechanic that shows up in (almost) every set. If you had to make an existing keyword mechanic evergreen, which one would you choose and why?

Storm! Because NOTHING could possibly go wrong with that idea…

In all seriousness, Dash is such a quintessentially red mechanic that I’d like to see it appear more often. There aren’t a whole lot of current mechanics that would make good evergreen mechanics, but cards like Ball Lightning and its kin were a staple of Magic for years. Red is all about short-term thinking and temporary gains, or making moves before the outcome is determined. While Impulse Draw has been a great way to try and overcome Red’s weaknesses, there’s still pretty clearly more work that can be done. Giving Red access to low cost but temporary creature spells really plays into the same flavor for red. It also gives the player a choice when combined with Red’s traditional looting. Do you cast the creature permanently at a slightly overcosted mana cost? Or do you keep it in hand and for fuel for your later game looting effects, like Cathartic Reunion?

Existing Dash cards focused on the ability to have surprise cheap attackers, with one or two covering Enter the Battlefield effects. What I think would be interesting are abilities that punish or reward the use of Dash versus hard casting. For example, if a Dash dealt damage to its owner when it returned to its owner’s hand, or included a more powerful “at the beginning of your upkeep” ability if the player manages to hard cast it. I would argue that it could be pushed into more colors than Red and Black, as long as the abilities involved were representative of the colors.

3. If you had to remove evergreen status from a keyword mechanic that is currently evergreen, which one would you remove and why?

Defender! I’m actually surprised that defender is still around after all of these years, as it’s by far the least useful keyword ability. Now, the idea itself is fine, but with ‘unblockable’ no longer a keyword, it doesn’t make sense to me that its counterpart hasn’t been similarly de-keyworded. One of the biggest problems I see with it is that the game places all sorts of conditional “this creature can’t attack” restrictions on cards, but none of them use defender. For instance, why wouldn’t River Serpent have defender, when for all intents and purposes it has conditional Defender? Magic doesn’t keyword “can’t block”, either. Defender has gotten a little bit of “Defender tribal” in some sets, but I’m not sure there are any cases where the use of ‘Defender’ is advantageous over simply saying the creature can’t attack. There are a handful of cards that care about creatures with defender, but a switch in the wording might make them even more useful, if you concentrate on creatures who can’t attack.

Besides the templating issues I mentioned, I just don’t think the keyword is needed to accomplish the intended effect most of the time. Most of the time creatures with defender seem to just be intended to be solid blockers, and the circumstance in which someone is going to be attacking with a creature that has zero power are rare enough that I’m not sure why Kinjalli’s Caller can get away without defender but a Pride Guardian needs it. In some case, creatures with defender have evasion and there might be an issue with abilities that can actually give them power, but in those cases simply giving them the ability to block the evasion (like if Wall of Air had reach instead of flying) removes most of their attacking potential, anyway. And in those few cases where an aggressively costed creature is necessary, “This creature can’t attack” doesn’t take up much more card space than “Defender”, which usually gets its own line on the template anyway.

4. You're going to teach Magic to a stranger. What's your strategy to have the best possible outcome?

If I had an optimal environment, I would stack two decks that allowed the game play out in a mostly scripted fashion, slowly introducing concepts over the course of a game, with the game playing out in favor of the person I was teaching. I would start with the pre-game basics: explain the library and graveyard, and have us both drawn seven cards, keeping our hands revealed. I would explain the most important parts of a card: the artwork and flavor text. Wait. I want them to have the best outcome… so instead I might explain casting costs and card types. The new player’s expectation is ‘What do I do?’, so I show them the land, and how tapping the lands allows you to pay for the other cards. Ideally I’d have one-drop that the new player could cast to feel some satisfaction on their first turn. This would go back and forth, with each turn explaining a new card type.

If I’m being honest, I’m stealing this from the 7th Edition tutorial, which had you play a scripted game out against the computer while learning each part of the game. The Duels of the Planeswalkers games fulfilled a similar function, and I’m the living embodiment of that Onion joke about someone explaining the rules to a game and insisting it will be fun. So if I REALLY wanted the best possible outcome, I’d get hired by Wizards of the Coast and sketch out a plan for a contemporary update of that 7th Edition Tutorial, maybe even a short web game, which I believe also existed once, so that there’s a consistent learning environment available so people don’t have to rely on potentially not-great teachers to know the game.

5. What is Magic's greatest strength and why?

Magic’s greatest strength is its versatility. It’s amazing that there are over a half-dozen ways to play and that there’s a huge Magic fandom that’s all over the map when it comes to gameplay. The framework on which the game was build is so adaptable that I was seriously playing kitchen table magic for years before I even learned there were more formats than just casual. Most of those more competitive formats just don’t appeal to me (although I recognize their value and find them interesting). Other major competitors, like Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, or Hearthstone, just don’t have that. Their frameworks, in some way or another, pidgeon hole them into specific playstyles. As much as Magic’s extensive rules cause me consternation, I know they’re the building block that makes everything else work. Whereas in Magic it just means an idea needs some creative problem solving to come to fruition, other games don’t have that extensive framework and thus don’t provide players with the same layers of choices.

Versatility allows choice, and choice is the key to a fun game. You want to allow enough that players can get creative. The same card can be used in entirely different ways even in the same format. It’s something that’s always fascinated me about the competitive scene. And then between formats, the card has entirely different value. I wish this answer felt like more just vomiting back things I’ve read on the Mothership for the last decade or so, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

6. What is Magic's greatest weakness and why?

Magic’s greatest weakness is its complexity. In the last answer I talked about how the rules are an extensive framework from which a lot of different games are built, but they can also be a huge barrier to entry. Complexity is a good thing, but Magic sometimes has far too much complexity for its own good. Even learning how to parse the Magic jargon is a challenge. In my career in Emergency Management, one of the major tenets of Incident Command is to avoid acronyms and jargon, because they’re hugely cultural and often feel like learning an entirely new language.

That’s not just limited to how people and players talk about the game, but how the game talks about itself. Keyword abilities are probably the most difficult. There are dozens of evergreen keywords alone, from activate to vigilance, that a new player needs to learn as a baseline before they can even start to parse deciduous mechanics, and then set-specific mechanics. Most Magic players who engage online have long forgotten what a barrier that is, which of course creates a disconnect between new and established players. And Magic players aren’t always the most patient, so when you sit a newby who still has to ask basic questions all the time, a single negative player is going to hurt their interest level.

Most of Magic’s players aren’t engaged online or at tournaments. They play at home like I used to do, and they buy packs from sets that look cool. I had no idea Kamigawa wasn’t a resounding success until I actively engaged online. To me, it was the cool plane of Samurai. When they open a pack and it has abilities with no reminder text, that’s a distraction from the game. Stopping to look something up online costs time and goodwill, which inevitable costs players.

7. What Magic mechanic most deserves a second chance (aka which had the worst first introduction compared to its potential)?

Level Up honestly has a special place in my heart, and I can’t help but feel that there’s a whole lot of space left untapped there. I think too many of the Level Up cards didn’t make each level feel important, and I think Monstrosity stole a little bit of its thunder. One of my biggest issue with it is that each level didn’t feel like a tangible benefit. I would probably change it look more like a Monstrosity variant, a place to sink larger amounts of mana to get a progressively more impressive creature. This would especially be useful as Monstrosity has some major flavor limitations. The template seemed to have been Figure of Destiny, but I don’t think any of the existing Level Up cards capture that quite in the same way as Warden of the First Tree. Warden of the First Tree could easily have a Level Up cost of {1}{w/b} and be a very similar card (although not exactly the same).

Sets like Ixalan that need some low cmc mana sinks could instead use a mechanic like Level Up. The original flavor was meant as a nod to Zendikar’s Dungeons and Dragons “Adventure World” theme, but it could easily be expanded beyond that. There seems to be design space, like with Monstrosity, to the actual ‘Leveling Up’ process. None of the current crop use one time effects upon reach certain levels, and that seems like a great way to make each level interesting for commons and uncommons with the mechanic without them all being Warden of the First Tree levels of power or complexity.

8. Of all the Magic expansions that you've played with, pick your favorite and then explain the biggest problem with it.

I would pick Return to Ravnica, although the biggest problem is the same as the original Ravnica block. With the ten guilds, the blocks tried to do too much, and failed to make all ten guild mechanics equally satisfying. There’s a lot of nostalgic love for those sets, but honestly I think the new set paradigm is going to be far better for any future Ravnica blocks. There just aren’t ten equally interesting mechanics to go around, and at least three of the guilds felt weak because of it. Return’s biggest problem is that it introduced new mechanics when it didn’t really need to, or used mechanics with limited design space to replace mechanics with equally limited space. Not every guild needs a keyword mechanic to be engaging, and in fact I would say most don’t, especially the guilds more focused on creatures, like Boros or Gruul, that could get by with some interesting effects on various cards but whose most interesting cards rarely seem to use their mechanic - or don’t need it to be a keyword mechanic.

Conservation of space is obviously going to be an issue as we start returning to planes like Ravnica a third, fourth, or even fifth time. You can’t burn through ideas at the rate that Ravnica has been if you’re going to still have something interesting for future returns. Ravnica is a lot of fun and a very satisfying place to set a product, but I think re-using other well liked mechanics rather than constantly trying to come up with new ones will by far serve design better.

9. Of all the Magic expansions that you've played with, pick your least favorite and then explain the best part about it.

Born of the Gods I would have to say is at least one of my least favorite sets, although it’s hard to say the definitive least favorite. Heroic and Inspired are two of my least favorite mechanics ever. But I really love the world of Theros and I think from a flavor standpoint, and the use of Bestow in Born of the Gods was stellar. It showed what the evolution of a mechanic in a second set should be, with cards like Eidolon of Countless Battles being particularly potent as both a creature and an aura. Most of the Bestow cards in Born of the Gods are simple designs that take advantage of the premise to create solid effects that work both as creatures and auras. The best designs don’t need to be fancy, they just need to make the most of a mechanic.

But the real reason I picked Bestow is because of Chromanticore, which to me exemplifies what makes Magic fun. Sure, there are more competitive cards out there, but for the casual player nothing captures the imagination more than a card like Chromanticore. Chromanticore is a big, splashy creature that demands you build around it. It has a soup of abilities that would make it appealing as a creature on it’s own, but the chance to cast it as an aura is incredibly tempting. Every set needs a card like Chromanticore that’s shiny for the casual crowd and may even entice a few more competitive players to build around it.

10. You have the ability to change any one thing about Magic. What do you change and why?

Mark Rosewater’s “Sorceries with Flash” instead of Instants really appeals to me, but I suppose he’s written about that so much that I would again just be regurgitating things I’ve read about the game online. So let’s expand on this in a way I’m not sure I’ve seen before, and talk about how to reorganize how things are typed. Supertypes always seem like a waste to me. Legendary Artifact Creatures or Legendary Enchantment Creatures usually mean the the sub-type (aka the good stuff, if you’re like me) can only support one type, maybe two if both are very short words. I’m not sure there’s really a good reason that can’t be represented some other way, either in a different frame (Legends are supposed to be different and special, after all) or with some other kind of symbolism on the card.

The sorceries with flash idea sounds really good on paper, but we get back into the issue of jargon, and another word new players have to learn. I would instead make Instant a subtype of Sorcery, opening up a few new avenues. You could also have ‘interrupt’ sorceries, that can only be cast in response to something. That’s an element of the game that was streamlined for good reason, but could open up some new design possibilities. I like otherwise how Enchantments are handled these days, so it’s really reworking supertypes and sorceries that I would change if I could change how types work. The legends issue has implications for tribal decks, so I think that’s what I would focus on, as it seems the most achievable.

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millicentthecat · 6 years

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Leaders, Not Heroes: Some Meta about Kylo and Snoke in TLJ

This post contains spoilers for The Last Jedi. It is also a Dark Side Positive post. It was posted on 12/17/2017 after seeing the film twice, so there may be errors.

In their first scene together Snoke acts as if he feels betrayed by Kylo. I didn't transcribe the dialogue, but it communicated something very much like... "I had faith in you to be more like Vader. I know some part of you isn't really in this. You failed me, and I'm angry, but I'm giving you pretty much infinite second chances, so...pull it together?" It's like a tough-love pep talk. And also some amount of "damnit Tiffany, I believed in you!"

Snoke uses force to discipline his right-hands. I compare that to the moment when Rose stuns Finn. To prevent him deserting? Or when Leia shoots Poe for disobedience? Snoke challenged his people and pushed them in a way that was definitely controlling and high-pressure. He was a leader. Snoke was the leader of the First Order. I know I'm eulogizing. If you don't want to read a eulogy, please scroll by.

Instead of responding to Snoke's pressure / pep-talk by committing himself, Kylo breaks. He snaps in half under the pressure. Kylo is very distressed by two forces: his desire to please others and his desire to protect himself. Those things shouldn't have to be mutually exclusive, but they are, and they have been ever since his mom and dad left him in an unsafe place. Maybe even before he was born. Because Star Wars isn't a safe world. It's an extreme, competitive world where you fight for your life unless somebody loves you and you're willing to die for them. If you're willing to die for someone, you do. That's what really happened to Kylo Ren. He grasped this conflict, probably at a very young age.

When Snoke confronts Kylo in that first scene, Kylo shifts hard into self-protect mode. He spends the whole rest of the movie there, with his fear. The Kylo who's committing all that violence against everyone, all that violation, is acting in defense and in fear. Even his interactions with Rey are geared towards turning her and neutralizing her. What he's doing is reasonable for someone whose priority is to stay alive--but only half of Kylo wants to be alive. The other half wants to do what others' want him to do. And people want him to die. For Kylo, loving others, giving them what they need, that means death. Luke Skywalker looked at him and wanted him to die. THE Luke Skywalker! Kylo can't be in a mutually loving, mutually trusting relationship because nobody is looking out for him and what he needs. (What does he need to be safe? No Jedi or Sith. No Leaders, No Gods, No Masters.)

Which brings me to Snoke. Overall I think Snoke trusted himself and his people kind of a lot. He didn't mind telling people his plans. He could listen to dissent. He could tell his people everything in a grand monologue and then hear them and respond and say, "hmm, your ideas are shitty and you're wrong." Or, "hey that's actually an amazing idea." I think this is very much the Snoke we saw. He was honest about his plans and clear about his feelings. He announced them. He gave praise and admiration when he saw something he respected (a lot!!!!) and he expressed displeasure and disappointment in things he didn't. When you look past his scars and his “creepy” tone and diction, that’s what’s there. The awkward metaphor about “rabid curs?” It literally communicates, “weak and damaged people are still useful, necessary, and important.”

Snoke builds a bridge in the Force between Kylo and Rey and manipulates Kylo's emotions surrounding Rey. This, he confesses to. It was part of his plan to draw Rey in. Now, there isn't a single good goddamn reason why Kylo would have killed his Master AT THE PARTICULAR MOMENT HE DID if it weren't for hopes of building something with Rey. Snoke nursed those hopes (not secretly!!! from "bring her to me" in TFA, we know what he's about). "Snoke ships it" is usually a Kylux tag, not a Reylo tag, but I remember writing about Tempest AU and mentioning that Snoke, like Prospero, might bewitch his apprentice into loving an adversary for political reasons. If I knew Snoke was capable of that, Kylo almost certainly knew. I think the part of Kylo that wants to love and help others was probably very willing to be a part of such a plan.

But TLJ Kylo is self-defending Kylo. So rather than go along with Snoke's "bring the girl to me" plan, he makes his own. "Renperor" actually turns out to be a pretty effective plan for him--if his goals are to self-preserve. I don't blame him for going that way and I definitely don't blame him for resisting a favored cultural narrative that demands he submit to people who don't respect him and don't treat him how he needs to be treated.

I also don't blame Snoke for failing to give him the support he needs. I'm not sure anyone could. I think Snoke did his best as a leader and I don't blame someone who trusts his allies for their betrayal. His plan was ambitious. The monologues the movie gives him--"I know everything my apprentice thinks! I cannot be betrayed!"--approximately--are self-confident and invoke the idea of hubris. "Hubris" is a religious concept which, like vanity, is mostly used for victim-blaming anyone with aspirations. Because really: Icarus flew too close to the ground.

Conclusion: Snoke's death hurts me. It hurts me even when the movie tries to make betrayal seem silly and casual. I understand Johnson's desire to subvert tropes, but sometimes you have to stop seeing tropes and patterns and see people. Vader destroying Palpatine was intense for a reason.

Snoke’s death also hurts because I feel the story tries to blame Snoke for it. And like. Nobody can control everything. Trusting your team means giving them rope to hang themselves--or YOU. And nobody's a perfect leader. The whole movie is full of "how to deal with failure" type stories. Luke, Rey, Finn, Poe... they all have these stories like "it's ok to be wrong sometimes! you can fix it!" But Snoke screws up with Kylo and Kylo kills him. He makes mistakes--building a bridge in the Force, manipulating Kylo's feelings about Rey, presuming he has any idea how those feelings work--essentially, failing to anticipate needs--and that's it. That's the ballgame.

I have feelings about that. I feel The Pressure. The "don't screw up or you'll die" pressure. The victim-blamey "don't screw up or you'll die and it'll be your fault for being too vain and proud and flying too close to the sun" pressure. Demonstrations like that just strike the chord in me that's mortally insecure about taking charge or using my voice to try and help. But failure doesn't make you a bad leader and Snoke's not a bad leader. He just failed to anticipate how Kylo would react. Sometimes people need things you can't expect.

#snoke #kylo ren #reylo #the last jedi #tlj spoilers #dark side positive #dark side positivity #meta #supreme leader of my heart #kylux mention #general hux mention #i changed the title for spoiler reasons

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indigenousmccree · 7 years

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saving the world, one iced coffee at a time

a very long fic for a very wonderful friend, @bilbows

Regina didn’t really know what, exactly; she was walking into – literally and figuratively – as she opened the door to Sedona, a semi-formal eatery she was told to go to when she had been approached by Overwatch via phone call the morning before. Regina hadn’t expected to receive so much media attention for her most successful invention, and while it was definitely a great payoff after all the blood, sweat, and tears she had put into her technology, fame and fortune were not a top priority for her. She did what she did because it was right, not because she wanted to become a household name. Still, Regina was human, and every human being enjoyed praise, especially after working so hard on something that meant so much to her and the people around her who made it possible.

The call she received from Overwatch had been completely unexpected. The invitation to speak to Angela Ziegler the next day over lunch was even more unexpected. Regina had been raised to give everyone a chance. She wasn’t cynical like Sombra or rude like Sonny. She highly doubted this would be a ploy at recruiting her like the two insisted on their three-way call the previous night. Overwatch wasn’t really in the position to be taking in new members. Their reputation was still on the line with the public – Regina included – and while conflict and unrest were starting to rear their ugly heads again, it would take a lot for those government sanctions put against them so many years ago to be lifted and absolved. Regina assumed this would be about funding. Maybe Winston and Angela wanted to help Regina expand her research facility with grants. It had been something they did in the past, and Regina would be hard-pressed to turn them down if they offered her money to continue her work. Sure, she had done well for herself what with saving up her winnings from jingle dress competitions – she had been able to hire someone to help code her tech – and she knew that if she ever truly needed the help Sonoma was just a phone call away – but Overwatch had connections that the Varga family didn’t. Regina wouldn’t sellout, but she would absolutely accept a no-strings-attached loan if it meant being able to branch out, hire, and help more people from where she grew up, and continue to change lives.

So Regina ignored the voices of Sonny and Sombra in her head, the ones that told her they had ulterior motives, that they were going to try and bleed her dry for not only her work but for her tech, and that sure, Angela was well-known and well-respected in the medical community, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t a snake with a mile-long rap sheet of unethical behavior. Regina loved to gossip with her friends as much as any other person, but she was also slightly more trusting than those two seemed to be. Regina didn’t let her optimism blind her, but she also wasn’t jaded by all of the ugliness in the world. She was like her grandfather in that way – he was a man who fought hard to preserve his way of life and his culture not only during the Omnic Crisis but every damn day – and not once did he ever allow the world to make him bitter. Frank would want Regina to seize this opportunity. He raised Regina to be confident, well-spoken, and aware of her emotions. If this meeting wasn’t what she thought it would be, she could always say ‘no, but thank you’ and leave. There would be nothing gained and nothing lost, but at least she gave it a chance.

Regina focused more on the advice from her grandfather and less on the snark from Sombra and Sonny as she approached the hostess, smiled, and told her who she was meeting. She was led from the front of the minimally decorated and modestly sized eatery to a table for two near a window. Angela’s back was facing her as she approached, but she quickly stood from her seat when the hostess placed the extra menu on the table and turned to greet her. She extended one hand for a polite handshake and used the other to brush stray strands of blonde hair from her face and behind her ear.

“Regina, hi,” her accent was thick enough without nerves adding onto it, “it’s so nice to finally meet you,” Angela’s smile was genuine and warm. So far, her first impression on Regina was decent, albeit forgettable. “Please, have a seat. I’m so excited to get to know you,” she gestured to the chair in front of her and removed a large messenger bag from the table. Angela tucked it underneath her feet and scooted closer to the table, making sure that the bag and its contents were still within reach. This was her first time doing this, ever, and she hoped that she didn’t come off nearly as flustered and slightly disorganized as she truly was. Winston and Jack hadn’t given her much time to prepare. They had seen Regina on the news, contacted her, and set up this meeting all within the span of just a few hours. Angela was a perfectionist and this situation was less than ideal. She understood that time was a luxury these days, but one more day to practice lines in the mirror would have been nice. This was her first time on the other side of the table. She had only ever been in Regina’s seat before. It did make more sense for her – a doctor – to go speak to Regina than it did Winston or Lena or Jesse, she understood that, but maybe having Jack feeding her lines through a barely noticeable earpiece would have been a better plan of action.

“Thank you, Angela,” she assumed it was fine to call her Angela and not ‘Doctor’, this was a casual setting after all, “it’s nice to meet you, too,” Regina was a little surprised at how cold Angela’s hands were, but she returned the polite smile as she sat down and decided not to focus on such little, petty things. She really, really should not have called Sombra and Sonny. They were terrible influences. “So,” Regina cleared her throat and shifted, crossing her legs as she unraveled the silverware in front of her from its napkin and placed it neatly in her lap, “is it impolite of me to ask what this is about?” Her polite smile turned into something slightly awkward. Regina wasn’t intimidated by Angela’s presence in the least, but she definitely wanted to know what this was all about.

Angela laughed a little bit and took a sip from her glass of water, “no, not impolite at all,” there was a pause as a waitress came by. Orders were placed quickly (sliders and fries for Regina, a chicken caesar salad wrap for Angela) and as soon as the brief interruption was gone Angela continued, “we – Winston and Jack and I – asked you to come here because we were so impressed by what we saw during your interview with Meghin Martin,” Angela knew that Regina knew that interview and what news program she was talking about. She was there, after all, so she felt like rehashing all of that was redundant especially since it had been mentioned in the initial phone call they had made to Regina to set up this meeting in the first place. “I have to say, it’s been a long time since I have seen anything quite like what you’ve done. It’s very impressive.”

“That’s very kind of you to say,” Regina offered up another polite/awkward smile hybrid, “I had been working on the baton for a very long time. Seeing it go from a sketch, to a blueprint, to a code and to an actual tangible product was one of the most fulfilling moments of my life,” she had never been much of a braggart, but she was also allowed to be proud of herself. Modesty was one of her best qualities – and one that Sonoma often lovingly teased her for – but just because she was humble didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to let people know how much her invention meant to her. “It took a lot of work and required a lot of help from so many talented people. Knowing that my invention will help improve and save lives is a feeling I can’t even describe,” she ended her sentence with a bite of a french-fry. The service at Sedona was fast and the food was good. She would have to make a note of that for future lunch dates with her friends. “I know that feeling very well,” Angela spoke as she cut her wrap up into bite-sized pieces, “my caduceus staff was the culmination of years of school, work, failure, and success. Without a doubt it is my greatest career achievement,” she paused to chew and swallow, “but what you have done is truly remarkable,” Angela was being sincere. Regina was a young, brilliant woman full of potential. Her baton was only the beginning. “Using your traditional medicine in such a modern way is so fascinating to me. You know, it’s quite amazing that such a thing is still relevant,” she shrugged and took another bite of her food, nonverbally signaling that it was Regina’s turn to speak.

Angela’s ‘relevant’ comment struck her as strange. What did she mean by that? Did she think that just because the world had changed so much, so fast, that her culture and way of life was deemed null and void? It was such an odd thing to say and Regina didn’t know how to respond, so she filed it under ‘things to tell Sombra and Sonny’ and let it go for the time being. Angela was not only a white woman, but a white European woman who had lived a very sheltered life. It wasn’t an excuse for saying something so downright ignorant and weird, but it definitely explained her way of thinking. Should she say ‘thank you’ again? Should she give Angela a history lesson? She wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. “Well, my background as a biochemist certainly helped,” Regina shrugged and paused on the fry-eating, the three sliders on her plate were practically screaming her name. “Making traditional medicine modern isn’t as difficult as you think when you have the right team,” and her team was full of people from the Poundmaker Reserve. If her team had been full of white men it definitely would have taken more time. “The hardest part of it all was saving up the funds to make my dream a reality. I was very lucky to have the support of my community,” she was also very lucky to be one of the best jingle dress dancers she knew. Never mind that. Regina was going to take some advice from Sonny. Regina was the best jingle dress dancer she knew. Collecting the winnings was child’s play. Sure, it took years, but those years spent undefeated were much easier than the time spent making her eagle feather baton more than just a sketch on paper.

Angela’s eyebrow rose in interest. Regina had made the next part of this very easy for her after mentioning money unprompted. Maybe she didn’t need that earpiece after all. “It’s interesting you mention that. I remember what I had to go through to get the funding I needed for my medical research,” it hadn’t been easy for her. Going to medical school without the support and encouragement of her parents was something she didn’t think she was going to have to do, and the fact that she made it happen was a miracle all in itself. “If it hadn’t been for Overwatch, I wouldn’t have what I have now,” sure, she would still be a doctor – an accomplished one for her age, too – but she wouldn’t have the Valkyrie suit, the ability to bring back people from the brink of death – Angela was a miracle worker, a literal angel in the eyes of many, and none of that would be on her resume if it hadn’t been for Overwatch. “They really helped me discover my potential and pushed me to always do better. I never needed for anything once I became an agent. I feel the same way about my staff and technology and my career with Overwatch as you do with your baton,” she took a sip of water before continuing, “it’s so very fulfilling.”

Regina was starting to relax ever so slightly. She had a feeling that her initial assumption about this meeting was correct and that for once Sonny was wrong. Angela was making it seem like Overwatch was interested in funding her research – in helping her continue to make a difference in the world – and it that was the case, Regina wasn’t going to turn it down. There was nothing wrong with taking money from people who genuinely wanted to help. While Regina didn’t agree with the methods Overwatch had used in the past to keep the peace (or whatever it was they pretended to do), it wasn’t like she had to be affiliated with them in any way if she took their cash. She didn’t have to answer to them; she didn’t have to wear their logo. It was a donation and nothing more. No strings attached like every check she had cashed at the bank after taking home another win after a dance competition. She almost wanted to let out a sigh of relief, but opted to finish off her second slider instead and let Angela continue.

“I’ve taken up enough of your time. I know you’re busy,” Angela pushed her empty plate to the side and reached under her seat to place her messenger bag in her lap. As she spoke, she pulled out a manila folder stuffed full of loose papers and a pen, “and I know you’re probably wondering why we really called you here. It definitely wasn’t just for a fast, free lunch,” Angela laughed, happy that Regina had done the same (though out of obligation, not because she found Angela to be even remotely amusing). “Anyway, enough beating around the bush,” she waved her hand in the air and sucked up her nerves. No wonder she had never been sent on any recruitment missions. This was much more intimidating and anxiety-inducing than she could ever imagine. “We need you, Regina,” Angela decided to be as straightforward as possible. She didn’t want to come off as desperate, but the reality was that Overwatch needed people. They were still trying to pick up the pieces, but the threats that were making themselves known were bigger than their organization was at the moment. “Your baton could be game changing on the battlefield,” Angela didn’t want history to repeat itself, but there was no denying that another war was on the horizon if something wasn’t done about Talon and whoever it was pulling the strings of the terrorist organization. Angela had no clue that she was talking to someone who happened to have one of Talon’s members in her address book, her name decorated with emoji’s in her phone. “We could help you make it even better than it is now, and even more efficient. We can give you a bigger research facility; we can give you more employees. Anything you need, we can provide it.

“We could also use your perspective, Regina. Your cultural background, well, it’s unique. Diversity has always been important to us,” and important for tax breaks and other government guidelines and requirements, “and you bringing your heritage into your work is such an out-of-the-box way of thinking, I can’t imagine what you would be capable of if you had the resources we could give you at your finger tips,” as she gave Regina the sales pitch, she opened the manila folder and started to organize the papers as she spread them out across the table. “And again, your baton could save the lives of thousands of people should it ever come to that. I’m only one person with one staff – but with you beside me on the field and in the lab, we could really change the world, Regina,” Angela placed her hands in her lap once all the papers – contracts, forms, personal information sheets, and mission statements – were in the correct order and laid out neatly. “On top of everything I have mentioned, we can even offer housing if you need it. I know that to most people, Overwatch is this huge, faceless organization. Maybe it was like that before, but now, it’s a family. We all take care of each other as we try to take care of the rest of the world. We do what you do, but with us you could do what you do on an even bigger scale,” Angela felt like she did well. Her sales pitch was sincere and heartfelt with the right amount of begging. It was her first time, but she felt confident. She didn’t stumble over her words or spill water all over the table or got on her knees and begged Regina. She felt like she related to the woman sitting in front of her and appealed to her interests, to her morals. She couldn’t wait to hear the good news.

Saying that Regina was in a state of shock was the understatement of the century. She was so thankful that she had finished her last slider and had moved onto something smaller, softer, and easier to chew by the time Angela asked her to join Overwatch. A french-fry was not as difficult to swallow in surprise as a mini-hamburger topped with bacon, onion rings, and lettuce. “I, uh,” she stumbled over her words for a second and finished off her glass of water, “I’m shocked, I’m sorry,” Regina let out a nervous chuckle, wiped the corners of her mouth with her napkin, and shoved her empty plate to the side as she avoided eye contact with Angela and skimmed over the ocean of paperwork in front of her. “I’m flattered, I truly am. Overwatch taking such an interest in my work is not something I ever expected to happen. I didn’t even expect to have an interview with Meghin Martin,” Regina forced out an awkward chuckle as she looked back up at Angela’s hopeful face, “I don’t do what I do for recognition. Everything I have done – going to school, studying nursing and biochemistry, making the eagle feather – I did it because it was the right thing to do. I have the means to go out and make a difference in people’s lives, just like you, but we aren’t the same,” Regina knew that sounded harsh, but the truth wasn’t always nice. “I don’t mean to be rude, Angela, but Overwatch has never done much for me or mine. My grandfather fought hard to not only protect me during the Omnic Crisis, but everyone on my reserve,” and it didn’t stop there. Frank was an advocate or all indigenous people. Even before the Omnic Crisis he did what he had to do to protect their culture and their way of life from everything that threatened it. “The Omnic Crisis hit us hard, too. But Overwatch didn’t send agents to our reservation to help rebuild, or to help look for those who went missing, or to offer medical care,” Regina shrugged and sucked her teeth, “that’s why I do what I do.

To be quite honest with you, Angela, I’m very uncomfortable with aligning myself with an agency that has been the total opposite of transparent with the communities who put their safety and trust in your hands,” she was also very uncomfortable being affiliated with an agency that forced their presence into countries that didn’t want them there. Regina had seen the effects of colonization firsthand. Angela was delusional if she thought Regina would want to take part in that sort of behavior at all. “I appreciate you taking the time out of your schedule to come see me. I appreciate you showing an interest in me and what I do. But I’m going to have to respectfully decline your offer,” Regina couldn’t believe that she had given this woman the benefit of the doubt. At least she got free food out of the deal. She was an optimist after all.

“Oh, wow,” Angela couldn’t help but look defeated. Rejection was not something she was used to at all. She hadn’t been handed much in life – most of what she had she worked hard for – but she was used to getting whatever it was she wanted. Being told ‘no’ was not something she was accustomed to. She didn’t like it too much. “This was not how I was expecting this lunch to go, I’m a little surprised,” she tried to laugh to ease the awkwardness but it didn’t help, it just made her look pitiful. She was painfully aware of that. “Would you like some time to think about it? I know it’s a lot so quick. I don’t think that rejecting the offer so soon is the smartest option. Maybe sleep on it? Give it a few days and give us a call? Like I said Regina, we can give you everything you need and then some. But I feel like saying ‘no’ and not looking back is a decision you will regret,” Angela began to stack the papers spread across the table neatly in a pile and place them back into the manila folder. She didn’t tuck it into her bag though, hoping that Regina would reconsider and take all of the information home with her to look over and think on for a few days.

Regina, though, would not be doing that. Angela making assumptions on how she would feel after turning Overwatch down was an unsolicited opinion she did not ask for or want. “I don’t think so,” the smile she had forced herself to wear throughout this entire conversation was fading. Fast. “You’ve only known me for about an hour, Angela. With all due respect, I know myself better than you do, and I know when something isn’t a right fit. Frankly, my goals and my motivations do not line up with those of Overwatch at all,” she sounded so nonchalant as she shrugged. Regina was very in tune with her emotions and had no qualms with making them known to others, but in this particular situation it was a good idea for her to remain stoic. Regina knew she was a warm, compassionate, and welcoming person. Too often people tried to take advantage of that and push her politeness to its limits. Just because Regina was nice and personable did not mean she was a doormat. She wanted to make sure Angela knew that. She also wanted Angela know that despite her being young, she wasn’t stupid, and she didn’t appreciate being treated like she was. “I have an obligation to give to the community that always encouraged me, and uplifted me, and kept me safe. Last time I checked those people were not Overwatch.

“Again, I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to meet with me,” Regina knew that sounded a little snide. She didn’t care. “But I’m not interested. I already have a great team, I have my research facility. I also have a place to live,” she made a face, because the mention of housing was such an odd thing to hear during what was basically a job offer, like Angela assumed that because Regina had funded everything herself meant that she was dirt poor and sleeping on the couch of a very generous friends house, “there’s nothing you can offer that I don’t already have. I’ve accomplished more than I ever thought I could without Overwatch, and I will continue to do so.”

“I understand all of that. I really do. And I’m sorry that Overwatch wasn’t there for you when you needed us the most. But having you join us could ensure that that never happens again. That we don’t leave people by the wayside. Like I said, you could give us a fresh perspective – you could show us what we are missing, or doing wrong. And what you’ve built could really, really revolutionize medicine as we know it. I know I sound redundant, but you could save so many lives with us, Regina. Isn’t that what you wanted to do when you decided to go to school? When you dreamed up the initial concept of the baton?” If Angela didn’t sound desperate before, she sure as hell did now. She didn’t know what she would tell Jack and Winston if she went back to them empty-handed. They had put so much faith into Angela being able to pull this off. Having Regina on the payroll would do so much to improve their image. After everything Overwatch had been through, they needed someone like her. She was well-liked, she was respected, and she was new. They needed the trust of the public again. Getting someone who was once part of that untrusting public to work with and for them was something they needed more than Angela could even begin to explain. Regina was essential, and the people Regina could introduce them to were essential, too.

“It’s not my responsibility to tell you who needs help. That’s yours,” Regina was baffled by Angela’s statement, “the entire point of Overwatch was to protect vulnerable communities that other agencies couldn’t protect without being asked. We asked, but we got nothing in response,” she ignored the manila folder and also ignored the check the waitress had sat on the table. Angela was delusional, Regina had already established that fact, but she would be completely out of her mind if she thought Regina would contribute at all to the check. “And I heard you the first time. I don’t want my technology to be weaponized like yours was,” hopefully Angela wouldn’t ask how she knew that. She didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Angela knew that Sombra was one of her closest friends. Or if she had the Varga family on speed dial. Maybe telling her all of that would make her go away. She couldn’t believe she was considering that to get out of Sedona. “I want my technology to continue to do what it’s been doing so far: saving lives when no one else is around to do it,” Regina knew that Angela lived in some strange, privileged bubble that was so far removed from reality it was terrifying – but Regina lived in the real world. Law enforcement – local or federal – couldn’t be trusted and emergency services were inconsistent at best and nonexistent at worst. “Like I said, I’m not interested,” she didn’t let Angela get another word out before she stood from her chair and pushed it back into the table, “I’m not one to change my mind, either. Please, Doctor Ziegler,” she made ‘Doctor Ziegler’ sound like a slur, “don’t contact me again. I wish you and Overwatch the best. Good luck finding someone to help do you the bare minimum of your job. You’ll need it,” she was quite proud of herself for that quip as she quickly exited the restaurant and reached into her bag to retrieve her phone. She didn’t even look back to see Angela’s face. Her gut told her that whatever expression she was making was pathetic and did nothing to hide her age, and typically Regina’s intuition was on point.

‘You guys are not going to believe the afternoon I just had,’ Regina let out a deep sigh once she was out of eyesight of Sedona as she typed a text to Sombra and Sonoma. ‘Meet me tomorrow at Firefly for brunch. I’ll give you all the details then,’ she was far too exhausted after that experience for a phone call, nonetheless dinner with her two friends. The rest of the afternoon and night to unwind and unpack what had just happened was what she needed – preferably with a glass of wine in her hand to help. A small part of her wanted to feel bad for being so direct and cold to Angela, but the large part of her knew it was the only way to get her message across. She knew people like Angela: entitled, ignorant to the problems of anyone else or how the real world worked, they couldn’t take no for an answer and were shocked whenever someone criticized with them or didn’t agree with their very narrow world view. People like her wouldn’t quit until they got what they wanted /unless/ they were met with just the right amount of disdain. Sure, Regina could have explained herself better. She could have spelled everything out for Angela, but she didn’t owe her any of that. Regina was tired – mentally, physically, emotionally – of constantly having to educate people who should absolutely know better. Angela was a well-educated, well-spoken, well-respected woman. She could figure out why Regina felt the way she did towards Overwatch on her own. Maybe Regina’s swift, direct rejection of Angela’s offer would help, in Angela’s own words, give her a new perspective. Regardless of what Angela took away from their lunch, at least it gave Regina something to talk about at brunch with Sonny and Sombra. The high blood pressure she received was only temporary, being able to make fun of people’s ignorance with the two women she considered her sisters was forever. Maybe the meeting with Angela hadn’t been a total waste of time after all. Regina was an optimist.

The next morning, Regina was shocked to see Sonoma and Sombra sitting at their usual outside table before her. Typically, Sombra arrived five minutes after the established time. Sonoma followed second, usually getting dropped off in a large, black, tinted Navigator if she hadn’t walked. This was a pleasant surprise. Regina made a mental note to manufacture fake drama the next time she wanted them to show up to something on time.

Sonny stood as Regina approached, and looked down at her with a very out of character smile. “I’m glad you made it out alive,” Sonny’s gravelly voice was laced with a laugh as she embraced Regina and kissed her cheek. As usual, she smelled of menthol cigarettes and Bvlgari cologne. Regina really wished she would stop smoking, but they both knew that wouldn’t happen. If med school hadn’t encouraged Sonny to break the habit, nothing would. Regina also wished she would stop wearing heels. It was hard enough to hug her and return the kiss to the cheek when the six-foot-two woman wasn’t in heels, but again, she knew that would never change. “Sombra and I have been waiting very impatiently for you to get here,” Sonny winked at Regina as she adjusted the blazer of her Armani pantsuit and sat back down.

“We both thought the white devil dragged you down to hell with her,” Sombra copied the same motion as Sonoma – a quick hug and peck on the cheek – but the act was slightly more simple with Sombra only being five-foot-four. “We already put in your drink order. Vanilla. Iced. With extra whipped cream, extra caramel, extra sugar,” Sombra sat in unison with Regina and leaned back in her chair, “we figured you deserved an extra treat after al you went through yesterday,” the three of them shared an under-the-breath chuckle and picked up their menus. None of them really knew why they even bothered looking at them. Sonny always got the everything bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon, Sombra always got the chilaquiles, and Regina always got the crab louie. Regina would sip an extra sweet, cold coffee throughout, Sonoma would sneak a little bit of whiskey into her dark roast, and Sombra always enjoyed a red eye with her chorizo. There was something comfortable about the strict routine when their lives were so unpredictable.

“You two are so thoughtful,” Regina gently teased Sonny and Sombra as she adjusted in her seat, “I can’t believe you both beat me here,” she nodded a ‘thank you’ to their waiter as he dropped of their drinks, and there was a quick pause in the conversation as they listed off their typical orders, handed the menus over, and took gracious sips from their caffeine-filled glasses. “I wanted to do dinner last night to tell you two everything, but honestly? I needed the rest after what I had gone through. I think Sedona is permanently ruined for me,” there was another shared laugh, and Regina could tell that they were dying for the details. They were both so quiet for once in their lives, it was kind of creepy. Sombra and Sonny both were staring her down, eyes wide with intrigue, totally focused on whatever it was she had to say. Regina wanted to take their temperatures to make sure they weren’t ill. “It was really a surreal experience,” she figured she would just dive right into it. She had already made the two most impatient people on the planet wait long enough. She didn’t want to know what they would do if she didn’t deliver on her promise of good gossip, and deliver quick. “I walked in not really knowing what to expect. I figured that she just wanted to meet. We’re both scientists, you know? We both have that medical background. I guess maybe I thought she wanted to compare notes?” Regina laughed at how ridiculous that sounded.

“I went to med school, too,” Sonoma interjected, “but I’m not getting phone calls from the actual angel on earth herself to ‘compare notes’. And I went to fucking Georgetown and Howard,” Sonny rolled her eyes, but her attitude wasn’t directed towards Regina’s adorable trait of trusting people and always seeing the best in them. “You should have known she wanted something. She’s a white woman, Regina.”

“Sonny’s right,” Sombra had to butt-in before Regina could continue her story, “there’s always an ulterior motive with people like her. They want and they want and they take and they take. I hope you didn’t tell her anything,” Sombra took the stirring straw out of her drink and playfully pointed it at Regina with a grin, “before you know it, you’ll see Angela in an editorial in a health and science magazine holding your baton, except it’s an alphorn instead of an eagle feather.” Regina couldn’t help but to laugh – seriously, sincerely laugh – at her two friends. Both of them had such different types of humor, it was always interesting to see them work together to form a joke. “I know, I know. I should have known better. But unlike you two, I believe most people are fundamentally good,” Regina snorted at the exaggerated faces of disgust Sombra and Sonny gave her, “and don’t worry. I didn’t tell her anything about my technology. As soon as she mentioned something about ‘revolutionizing the battlefield’, I knew better than to give her any details,” Regina shuddered, but was instantly comforted by the plate of food placed in front of her. “Oh, wow. She actually said that?” Sonny’s exaggerated expression of disgust became very, very genuine, “nothing good can come from a woman like her using the word ‘revolution’. That’s, uh, pretty terrifying,” she stifled a gag with a large bite from her bagel, and shut up long enough for Regina to continue.

“It gets worse,” Regina sighed as she spoke, “she thought I would be a good addition to Overwatch because, basically, I’m not white and I would be able to offer a ‘different perspective’,” she used finger quotes to highlight just how ridiculous that was, “and that I would be able to help them make sure that they didn’t leave anyone behind when it came to who they protect and stuff like that,” Regina knew it was outrageous when it came out of Angela’s mouth the first time, but reiterating it only cemented just how ludicrous that expectation was. “It’s like they wanted me on their team to make sure they didn’t do anything racist?” Regina tilted her head to the side, “I’m not too sure what she meant by that, actually. I know somehow that it’s a very messed up, entitled way of thinking but I don’t know exactly how.”

Sombra laughed, but she understood what Regina was trying to say. “I get it,” her fork clinked loudly against her plate as she set it down, the chilaquiles that were once there totally demolished. Sombra didn’t do anything slow, and that involved eating her food. “That’s just such an odd thing to ask from someone. And you know full well they weren’t going to pay you enough for that, either,” sure, Sombra knew Overwatch could make Regina very, very rich, but no amount of money in the world would make playing babysitter to two white people and an actual talking gorilla when it came to race relations and social justice worth it. “What did you say to her?”

“I didn’t tell her what I was thinking, that’s for sure,” Regina was the second to finish her food so she could focus on finishing her delicious, sickeningly sweet coffee drink her friends so lovingly customized for her, “I didn’t know what to say, honestly. I was caught so off guard. She also offered me a place to live. I’m surprised she didn’t offer to provide me a full wardrobe and my own company car, too.”

“Oh, hála Istennek you didn’t take her up on that offer. Have you seen the uniforms the nameless grunts are forced to wear? Have you seen that terrible ensemble she chooses to wear? I could forgive you for selling your soul to Overwatch for the extra cash. I wouldn’t be able to forgive you for wearing clothes like that in public,” it was no mystery that Sonny took appearances very seriously. She was poking fun at Regina, of course, she would love her no matter what terrible outfit she wore, but Sonoma always looked her best even if she felt her worst. She knew her materialism was a flaw, but her father had made it very clear to her from a young age that appearances were everything. In her family, it was a defense mechanism. They did it to avoid suspicion and so far it had worked for them. Sonny came off as egotistical and narcissistic and shallow because of it, but Regina understood why she was the way she was. “They have all of this money but they can’t hire a decent costume designer? Use quality fabrics? That’s definitely not a group of people you want to associate with, Regina.”

“They take things too literal,” Sombra carefully observed her perfectly manicured nails for any flaws. She wasn’t as vain as Sonoma, but she still liked to look good, “Angela literally dresses up as an angel. Jack is wearing,” she paused and thought for a second, “whatever the hell that is he wears. They’d want you to dress up as their token Indian Princess. And you just know they would act offended on your behalf if you tried to explain why that isn’t such a good idea.”

“Ugh,” Regina visibly cringed at the thought, “please, both of you, stop making these hypotheticals so terrible. I can’t handle it. It’s too early,” she knew their teasing came from a place of love, but had she not been through enough in the past twenty-four hours? “You should have seen her face when I turned her down, though. I think that she really thought that I needed her help. It was just such a strange experience,” Regina was struggling to properly explain the vibes she had been given by Angela, but her not being able to verbalize helped Sombra and Sonoma realize just how outlandish the encounter had been. “I walked in thinking that she just wanted to meet me, you know, as a fellow woman in STEM, or maybe thinking that Overwatch wanted to help fund more of my research. It exceeded all of my expectations, that’s for sure, and not in a good way. She looked so defeated when I told her I wasn’t interested. That is a woman who is not used to being told ‘no’. Even after I politely declined the first time she still tried to win me over. If I hadn’t gotten out when I did I’m sure she would have tried to guilt trip me. It was just so unprofessional – her behavior – I don’t know if she was just nervous or what, but I was not expecting her to act the way that she did. It was really unbecoming, you know? My opinion of her was already pretty low. Her first impression was terrible. She is not someone I would be thrilled to run into ever again,” which was a bit of a shame. She and Angela were two very smart women in a field that typically let women fend for themselves. It was unfortunate that they couldn’t work together somehow, someday, but the chances of that happening had been reduced from a ‘maybe’ to a ‘not now, not ever’.

“You wouldn’t want to be affiliated with Overwatch or with Angela Ziegler anyway,” Sonoma dismissively waved her hand in the air as she finished her bagel, “sure, the money would have been nice, but you know if you ever need help I’m here for you, and Sombra is too,” Sombra nodded in silent agreement. “Besides, partnering with Angela would do nothing for your reputation. She obviously isn’t as good at her job as she thinks she is. I know this because I’m still in business,” maybe joking about the amount of bodies she cut into on a daily basis to examine was a little dark, but she was right. Being a medical examiner was still a career despite Overwatch being able to questionably resurrect people or blackmail them into being resurrected. Sonoma would start to respect Angela’s accomplishments as a doctor and as a scientist when her job was no longer needed and she didn’t have to edit the occasional autopsy report to make sure her father and his associates stayed out of prison for the rest of their lives. Business was still a-boomin’; Sonoma could still afford red bottoms and Fendi bags. She would eat her words when the morgue was shut down, but she didn’t think that was going to happen any time soon.

“Jesus, Sonny,” Sombra and Regina had learned long ago to not be surprised by anything that came out of her lipstick clad mouth, but sometimes her delivery was so dry it still felt like the first time they all met and were trying to adjust to each other and their strong personalities. It wasn’t an easy task, but the pay-off was totally worth it. “I hate that I agree with you,” Sombra shot Sonoma a look and shook her head, reaching across the table to lightly squeeze Regina’s hand, “you did the right thing, hermosa,” Sombra knew more about Angela than she liked to admit, and while she wanted so badly to share the incriminating evidence with her friends, she needed to confirm that the rumors were more than just rumors before she could. Everyone had heard the whispers of what she had done to Genji Shimada and Gabriel Reyes – but Sombra had more details than most, and she was relieved that Regina hadn’t agreed to get herself caught up in the web of a woman like that. “There is nothing they could offer you that you don’t already have. With people like that there are always ulterior motives. Being a member of Overwatch doesn’t mean the same thing it does today as it used to. You don’t need them to change the world.”

Regina offered Sombra a warm smile and squeezed her hand in return. She knew she had done the right thing even if she had been a little harsh in the process, but having that validation from the two people that mattered most in her life meant more to her than she could ever explain. “Have I told you two today that I love you?” Regina laughed and sighed at the same time, reaching to pat Sonoma’s knee once she freed her hand from Sombra’s grip. This was what Regina worked so hard for: brunch with her friends at their favorite spot, shit-talking the members of Overwatch like they were the rival clique in high school and not members of a very powerful, global peace-keeping organization. Nothing could get in the way of that, and no one could offer her anything better than crab louie and a sugar-laden iced coffee the morning after a very stressful day. Sure, Overwatch could give her the promise of a consistent income, it could give her and the few employees she valued so much at her modest, yet efficient research facility stability and security, but it couldn’t give her this. Brunch with Sonoma and Sombra was just as fulfilling as her tech going from a dream to a reality, it was just as fulfilling as her being on the frontlines and saving the lives of innocent people, and she wouldn’t trade any of those things for a spot on Overwatch’s roster.

Regina didn’t need to wear the Overwatch logo to be something, to do something. All Regina needed were her friends, her baton, and a large iced coffee, and she could change the world.

#bilbows

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