#but personal feelings aside

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[flintbian]

There's a disabled angel in good omens 🥺

#listen im only in episode two and i know there's some drama going down but im focusing on this lol #i love that not only do they show the angel using a wheelchair and being ambulatory #but they also visibly show them miracling innaccessibility issues so that they Can still use the chair #instead of just getting rid of the disability #part of my is conflicted bc im like... there's disabilities in heaven? and that makes Me sad bc my disability is hell and painful as fuck #But getting rid of disability in fantasy is eugenist crap and showing that god made a disabled angel is a net good thing #while it personally makes me sad to think if there was a heaven i could still be in pain all the time #not all disabilites are bad and need to be cured we're a wide spectrum and we've been fighting for disabled rep esp in fantasy for ages #it's objectively good my personal feelings about my own disability aside #part of me thinks it's cliche to say 'you were made perfect' bc they're an angel But it's not we literally havent had this type of rep lol #anyways it made me happy to see #and im so glad it's a power chair user that's ambulatory it's important for abled ppl to see that #anyways y'all keep your drama and spoilers off my post im not far in and im only talking about this shoo #oh also!! love the fantasy hover chair they use in heaven specifically too i wish we had that it kicks ass #p

[uncanny-tranny]

The absolute biggest thing I've learned as a trans guy: there is nothing more masculine and manly than not caring about looking or acting masculine or manly. Growing your masculinity or manhood takes time and care - you have no obligation to let the world water your garden when you can do that just fine (and you can, even if it doesn't feel like you can!)

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #trans advice #got a stereotypically 'feminine/woman' piercing and. i feel like a man *inverted shania twain riff from man! i feel like a woman* #nothing affirms my manhood more than not caring about the genuinely toxic imaginings that the world has about manhood and men like me 👍 #yes it can be a struggle ESPECIALLY if you're somebody who actively has to defend your masculinity/manhood... #...it's hard for me too sometimes. i had to not only build my manhood but jealously defend it from the 'phobes... #...but i am all the better for it because this is MINE. i have never truly owned something in this way... #...i don't own other people nor my cats nor even my material possessions - not in the way i own my manhood... #...i own it like a tiger owns his territory and i defend it similarly... #...i do not WANT to own my loved ones or possessions the same as i own my manhood and masculinity. this is special to me #my manhood was *made* for me to be owned anyway. i feel that applies to every trans person who hasn't felt able to own themselves #this is in the same vein as learning to cast aside the cissexist views of bodies&experiences that can make dysphoria worae

[markanddebbie-protectionprogram]

big fan of the new style they used on mark. i don't know about you guys but it really shows just how young he is. and it helps highlight just how heavy his burden is when you're visually reminded that he's barely even an adult.

#nolan beat out the cauc all he left mark was asian joke aside this style feels much more unique and personal ngl #invincible #mark grayson #invincible series #invincible season 2 #summer.txt

[stuckinapril]

so past the point of changing people's minds about me!! like i actually just realized today that i don't care. i am so much more capable of shrugging my shoulders at someone's preconceived notions of me than i used to be. throughout my life i will probably run into many a person who will have a negative impression of me that they will not be able to dispel (or will go out of their way to fuel for the sake of their confirmation bias or whatever it is). but i will also have the honor of meeting a lot of amazing people who won't do that and who will actually see me for who i really am and will affirm that w their thoughts and actions. so long as i know who i am, anyone who's willing to make the effort will know who i am too. and that's all that matters

#i feel like some people resort to delusion to self-soothe when they run into people who don't like them #or avoid them like the plague #but for me i just wanna be chill. like u don't like me? but it's not for any actual reason aside from ur preconceived notions of me? ok! #i am not going to expend energy into changing your mind or even avoiding you #in light of this revelation i will simply chill and do my thing anyway #i have a friend who tells me “we'll always work w people we won't like” so now i see these kinds of instances as practice #rather than something that actually reflects my worth as a person #p

[hel7l7]

I still don't ever feel like I'm good enough

#this is actually not about my body #just like my whole #being #not like my physical look #bcs #idk #it's just what I look like and I can fight my appearance but that will only take away the quality of my life #i'm good when i can live my life the way i want to and be healthy #but i feel like i'm not good enough as a person #as who i am as a soul #my body has actually very little to do with it aside from the fact that she carries my soul #also #i don't really look like the drawing so #whatever #body tw #not ed

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

sometimes i think about an AA universe where Edgeworth didn't have to be shuffled off every 5 seconds so he could maintain credibility as a rival....where Phoenix didn't have to win every case...yes AA is a game yes i understand why it did that for the narrative. but when I look at those lonely scared 24 year olds from AA1 i can't help but think that their version of a happy ending would be to be able to get used to each other. to face each other over stupid cases and small things. Sometimes one winning, sometimes the other, until it hardly matters anymore, all that matters is finding the truth together. I want them to take each other for granted!!! i want them to look at the other across the courtroom and say "time to face this bitch for the hundredth time i guess!!" these poor bastards have never had anything approaching emotional stability before let them have each other damn it

#idk im just. emotional #i feel like at that age?? at that place in their character development??? romance aside that would be legit be #the best happiest situation for both of them. and i feel things when i imagine it #we see so much of the grand gestures intense moments side of their relationship #they're always helping each other in their darkest moments and stuff like that but i wish they could also have #a very mundane professional dynamic. bitchy and prickly and earnest cause they both care a lot. and loving in their way #it's sad to me that so much of fic revolves around the idea that 'when phoenix and miles start dating miles will finally stay' thats #so tragic!!!!!!! am i the only person who thinks that's tragic #the game had to keep them apart for Narrative Reasons but i know my boy miles edgeworth and he would want to get bored of that spiky hairdo #and that handsome face. from seeing it in court so much. #narumitsu #wrightworth #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #ace attorney #aa1 #aa2 spoilers #aa3 spoilers

[slightly-depressed-sloth]

Breakfast burgers!

(As always click for better quality)

I’d like to think that Damian is visiting after his Robin shift and they’re getting in some supersons hang out time before school

My emergency commissions are still open with everything 10% off the final price!

Version without lighting effects (+coloured lines) and zoomed in version under cut;

#idk what about stress makes me decide to draw big pieces but let’s just say this took about 25 hours 💀 #supersons #super sons #is there a space I can never remember #damian wayne #robin v #jon kent #superboy #batfam #superfam #superman #but only on his way to work in the background #dc comics #dc #art #slightlyslothdraws #on a personal note in a really weird state of limbo rn regarding housing where we don’t really know what’s happening when #i feel a bit weird about having my emergency comms up when theres a possibility itll get sorted through a charity soon but everythings #really uncertain atm and if it falls through then we'll be back to square one #personal note aside please enjoy the boys they are my children and i love them very dearly #(Clark bought the burgers)

[keepthetension]

this was made especially for those of us who cut ties with our shitty families, huh

i cried so much this whole episode. i know that i can't be in that house and be who i am at the same time, but the guilt and shame never really go away. i love that this episode said, wholeheartedly: fuck what society says, you should be wherever allows you to be happiest

anyway! you always hear that family estrangement is rare in asian communities, but i did it! and you can do it, too! dump your shitty family! i believe in you~

#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #it's incredible like i don't think i fully realized how ashamed i feel until this episode had me ugly crying into my blankie #especially because the abuse was invisible and people say: oh everyone's family says harsh things! it's because they care! they love you! #and no matter how hard you try to explain the magnitude of what was done to you people still shrug and say but they're *family* #not that there was ZERO physical abuse but like. that's just How It Is in the community i grew up in so it's not a Reason reason #and that's all aside from all that's expected of me as the child of an asian family (that i am simply doing none of) #FUCK i guess i just compartmentalized all of this so securely i didn't think it could bleed out anymore #thanks tsukutabe. i guess? #this show is RELENTLESSLY coming for me this season too like explicitly stated asexual rep? a treat for me personally! #idk i never expected an asian drama to be so clear about this especially because kasuga's abuse was invisible too #and the idea of not sacrificing yourself for your parents is COUNTER to what you're supposed to do #i am just VERY EMOTIONAL right now #i love kasuga so much and it was rough to see her going through it but i am SO HAPPY that she's accepted and loved

[sabotourist]

i feel so much about delta you guys

red vs blue really looked at me and said here is our logic fragment. this is the logic man. he feels logic. he has a strong survival drive. but also he loved york enough to be willing to die with him.

sigma wanted so fucking bad to be human, to be whole, to chase what they came from and what they were. that he totally missed the fact that delta fucking made it. Delta was more than the Logic Fragment. He had his own bonds, his own wants, his own drive because of his relationship with York.

And in his attempt to become whole again, Sigma... completely undermined that. Made delta into the Logic Fragment again. just another fragment, not a person of his own.

do you ever think about how if sigma had slowed down and really tried to work with maine, that maybe things could have gone so so differently?

i think about that.

#i could keep going #i feel so much about delta and sigma #sigma is ambition #he wants to be whole but then was used to break apart the alpha #no fucking wonder hes like he is #meanwhile delta is so fucking #genuinely caring towards york #hes more than logic!!!! #mind over matter makes him justice as well #but even putting that masterwork aside #hes a fucking person!!! #and he died and im so sad about that #because he didnt have to die #pretty much every major death in this show was avoidable and that kills me #this show is agony dude it writes death as the tragic yet unceremonious bitch that it often is and that kills me #doyle got to go out with a bang but fuck he deserved better too #anyway yeah i love these lil halo dudes #red vs blue #rvb #delta rvb #sigma rvb #york rvb

[fluffnflightillustrations]

My half of the art trade for Fai! The aftermath of the race-- 2nd place is still a winner, as far as Rukia is concerned.

#this actually #makes me feel a lot of emotions #i love that rukia chose renji despite always losing #people always bring this up in a ichigo vs renji as if it matters to her how strong her lover is in battle #renji IS strong and he takes his losses well #and they arent pokemon so why are people shipping characters based on strength anyway? #fact is #she chose renji over anybody else despite not winning every battle #cause when you choose the person you love you dont really take that into account #anyway my rant aside time for actual tags #renruki #renji #rukia #renji abarai #renjiabarai #rukiakuchiki #rukia kuchiki #bleach #fluffstuff

[ozzgin]

I don't know your gender- but I had to assume it's a girl from your art with pigtails since I couldn't find a post that told about your gender, if you're not a girl, I'm sorry for misgendering you!

Ozz, the iconic haremer of all time, was a very pretty lady. She was very adored, had at least 9 quadripilition wifes and husbands. At this point, literally everyone was worshiping her and begging, no, DYING to be with her.

However, one anon was very annoyed by this. The 💠 anon. 💠 anon liked Ozz very much, but Ozz was busy with her harem, which made 💠 anon angry. Jealousy flashed through 💠 anon's eyes. “Why them, but not me?!” 💠 anon mumbled to themselves, as they watched Ozz being happy with everyone.

It was sickening to 💠 anon's stomach. Seeing Ozz get along with everyone except 💠 anon.

“What do they have that I don't?!” 💠 anon said to themselves again. Ozz didn't give 💠 anon not even a drop of attention, it made 💠 anon so angry… to the point they started thinking of kidnapping or breaking into Ozz's house.

It was 1 AM now, 💠 anon knew that all of them were asleep right now since they observed Ozz and her wifes+husbands a lot because Ozz wasn't giving them attention.

“Show time.” 💠 anon said to themselves. They quietly got in the house, they already stole the key since Ozz was too tired to realize she left the key literally at door.

It was quiet, everyone was sleeping and Ozz was at the right side of bed- so it was easy for 💠 anon to get her out of bed silently and without getting caught.

Ozz was still sleeping, when 💠 anon has kidnapped her. Well, respectfully of course. Nothing freeky or NSFW was involved. 💠 anon isn't that kind of a weirdo.

After 5 hours, Ozz woke up. “Wait… where am I? Where is my harem?” She said to herself as she looked at the floor in shock. She couldn't move nor go, since she was tied with many chains.

💠 anon giggled,

“That's what you get for ignoring me, Ozz. Even after my many warnings, you still continuously ignored me to the point that I had to kidnap you.” 💠 anon said.

“Now you'll never ignore me even if you wanted to.” 💠 anon said and smiled. With a gray bow on their head, and another gray bow on Ozz's head that 💠 anon gifted.

“We'll be together forever.”

-The 💠 anon.

Ngl I kicked my feet a little reading this. As my eyes scanned this masterpiece, I couldn't help but remember an old saying.

You got me here, 💠 anon. Hell, this could be a Yandere Heaven drama CD. Touché.

#personal #yandere #yandere anon x ozz #although I kind of wonder what pigtails doodle you're referring to #I thought I've always been bald #and yandere jokes aside I do hope you haven't been feeling ignored #we can't have mistreated anons 😤

[supemaeve]

You really will do anything to hurt me, won't you? So… what are you and William cooking up? Hmm? Maybe you two brought that supervillain to town.

#queen maeve #homelander #the boys #i'm having so many feelings about this today #i sometimes forget maeve is the only person who's ever called him that aside from his pseudo father #they are so much alike #these two together would've been unstoppable #whatever side they would've chosen #the world is lucky maeve didn't join him fully #though how cool an au like that would be #i really need maeve to be there when he's killed or whatever #she has to #i need to see that full circle moment #diabolical please i'm begging you give me an episode with them when they were younger #not even dating yet #just #lonely together #anyway i will stop now #or i won't shut up at all #my gifs #maeve

[transyashiro]

sir... why are we reblogging literal children on an nsfw blog?

like, its not your art and its certainly not suggestive, but like... this is specifically a nsfw art blog... it just feels... like kinda weird? idk maybe its just me reading into everything too much but like......... its weird :/

anon, with all due respect, you are reading too much into it. yes it's mostly a nsfw blog when it comes to my art, but i reblog a lot of sfw art by other people if i think that it's something my followers will enjoy (usually sapphic and/or trans art). like, genuinely, what's the issue here? "it feels weird" did all the other sfw art feel weird to you? more importantly, what's the harm here? the original artist gets a bit of a boost, more people get to see some joyous trans art, that's all. not sure what you want me to do with your discomfort, because it feels like you're either assuming bad intentions on my (or my followers?) end or have some weird ideas about what my blog and it's purpose are

#reading this in good faith even though i probably shouldn't #“literal children” come on now #can't bring up my own art because of the boundaries i have regarding what i personally draw so i guess a random rb will do? #like i'm sorry but this reads like you would've been way less nice if you couldn't call me sir without misgendering me #if this is genuine then please sit with your feelings and examine them idk what else to tell you #as an aside. if the og artist reached out and asked me to remove their art from my blog i'd do it #but this is clearly not what this is all about #benvey's askbox

[zabiume]

I get sad thinking about how during ichigo and grimmjows fight in hm. Particularly the moment when he see sees orihime's terrified reaction to his mask. I think he considered her previous trauma with acid wire ofc, but how must he have felt when orihime looked at him like that? She was the girl who managed to make friends with everyone and empathized so deeply with even her enemies, let alone her closer friends. And she was looking at him, completely frozen with fear, and he hated being the source of it. It just makes my feelers hurt so bad for some reason :(

i think the great thing about this fight is that it lets you empathize with both ichigo and orihime without diminishing either of their feelings, which is just. good writing. i'd go so far as to say this fight is also superb because of how it manages to address many overarching themes at once: a) ichigo's human-hollow struggle that keeps rearing its head every now and then b) orihime's complicated relationship with violence c) grimmjow's twisted desire to feel validated by ichigo, who he sees as his own mirror d) ichigo & orihime's long-term struggle to cross the chasm that separates them and meet in the middle.

a lot of people focus on orihime's fear here, but the truth is, ichigo himself was afraid of his hollow and was NOT confident about his ability to control it. when he tells orihime not to be afraid without his mask on, he looks at her and smiles. with the mask, he doesn't even make eye contact. when he accidentally does make eye contact later on in the fight, it crushes him, and the beauty of this fight is that it's all carried out through body language. his heart sinks, and so does yours, if you're invested in the fight. ichigo's entire arc so far has been about mastering this side of himself that he's desperately afraid of losing to, and now the person he's protecting is afraid of him, too. he begins doubting himself: what if grimmjow is right? what if he really did just come here to fight?

if you look at orihime's side of things, she's not wrong either. orihime's entire arc was about self-doubt at this time. she was never really sure of her worth to others, so how could she be sure that ichigo, who's reiatsu is rougher and darker than usual (just like her dead brother) was fighting for her? she does eventually realize her effect on him with a little help from nel. but in the end, nel's testimony doesn't matter much either because orihime realizes she would love ichigo even if he wasn't fighting for her. she just doesn't want him to get hurt.

lucky for us, grimmjow isn't right and it's obvious that ichigo did indeed come to fight him—if only to protect everyone and take orihime back home. fighting is ichigo's means to an end. his reaction to orihime is our indicator of that. the great thing about this fight is what it tells us—that if ichigo was this affected by orihime's face, then it means he truly didn't come here just to fight. that nel's cheers did nothing to grab ichigo's attention, but orihime's first broken whisper did. that having orihime nearby reminds him of what he's fighting for, which is something that literally saves his human life when he's in vasto lorde form. he left his heart with her, just as she did with him before she left. if we began this journey with rangiku saying ichigo needs orihime, this arc shows us how. this fight shows us how. yes, orihime's fear caused him some pain, but none of us can deny how cocky he got when she cheered for him, either, so it goes both ways :D

#i loved this volume very much & now that we have lust & horn of salvation their arc is complete :)))) #each ichihime moment has got to be seen as a conversation with other ichihime moments #and that's when you realize how nicely their romantic subplot has been fleshed out over arcs #personal biases aside i dont really understand calling IH rushed when they're the one part of the story that WASN'T rushed #every arc gave them a new status quo to navigate and among all the canon married couples #they're the one we spent the longest time with - even compared to ren&rukia #like sorry for waxing poetic about it i'm sure everyone feels this way about their favorite ships but i loooove IH <3 they're so good #asks #ichihime

[borderlinereminders]

I just spent a good few weeks feeling so energetic and motivated. I was getting so much done and feeling on top of the world.

I think it’s over though. Suddenly I’m feeling so heart broken. I feel so sad and want to cry. And I don’t want to do anything.

This is a constant cycle and it’s exhausting.

What honestly gets me through is remembering this will pass like it always does. But dang, it really sucks to feel the good parts fading (the energy and excitement and motivation) and I try so hard to hang onto them and I can’t.

#vent #personal #I just feel so sad and lonely #so I just wanted to vent #delete later #this is why I randomly get super active on here for a few weeks #and then it’s mostly silent #aside from a few queued posts #it’s the cycles of extreme energy #to depression