#me in a cold sweat:

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[lunarw0rks]

john “big stretch” price

simon “make it fit” riley

soap “just the tip” mactavish

kyle “give me one more” garrick

#i feel as though i am wholeheartedly correct and will not share my research with any of you #but i am also half asleep and thought of this list ina cold sweat so LEAVE ME ALONE #!!! #mw2 #call of duty #task force 141 #mw3 #141 task force #141 #rachel speaks

[sofiaruelle]

❄️☃️The SDV Girlies in their winter garb!☃️❄️

One side how i interpreted their lil avatars and then the other side is just me playing dress up lmao.

“Bois when?” Dunno. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I will if anyone donates screenshots.

#stardew valley #stardew valley 1.6 #stardew valley winter #stardew valley maru #stardew valley haley #stardew valley penny #stardew valley leah #stardew valley emily #stardew valley abigail #sdv maru #sdv haley #sdv penny #sdv leah #sdv emily #sdv abigail #i was sweating drawing this #the ph is having a fucking heatwave at 40*C / 104*C #and i’m not even living in the city where its definitely worse!!! #my pinterest algorithm probably thinks i’m insane for searching up winter outfits #penny looking lightly dressed for winter in her 2nd lewk but she’s dressed in several layers in dresses and skirts #i just wanted to show a lil bit of the layered neckline #ngl my fave lewk has to be emily! #she probably made her whole ensamble from scratch #abgail probably goes around lightly dressed #‘cold never bothered her anyway’ -elsa #haley going from cocnut girl to cold girl aesthetic #also i based maru’s outfit in this really cool chinese obre puffer jacket + 90s pastel tracksuit #with leah… what can i say gay in primary colors #thank you to henarikat for sending me a screenshot of their avatars!!!!!! #and also for being a beta for Haley and Penny’s looks hahaha

[heartscrypt]

OH MY GOD WAIT I NEED TO TELL THE PEOPLE. ok so. you know how magicam is the twst version of instagram. i dreamt about the twst version of tinder.

it's called cinder (like cinderella) and its tagline is "find your prince before the clock strikes twelve". its gimmick is that when you make a match with a person you have 24 hours to talk with them. if you like them, get their contact information before time runs out. because otherwise you're never fucking seeing them on the app again IT BLOCKS THE OTHER'S PROFILE. this is where capitalism comes in though. through a paid subscription, once per day, you can "leave a glass slipper" on a match's profile. it functions as a bookmark and keeps your conversation open for another 24 hrs. after the time is up you can keep the glass slipper there to extend more time or remove it to leave it on someone else's

#twst #jamie talks #txt post #bolted upright in a cold sweat like I need to tell the tumblr people about this one #this is so useless and so small but its so funny to me #cater has this downloaded. most definitely #someones GOTTA be catfishing as someone else on there i just dont know who

[hvcklebury]

i walked by sufjan stevens is so them

#i did this in a cold sweat very late at night bear with me #straight from my saw playlist #chainshipping #adam stanheight #saw fanart #lawrence gordon #saw #hvck #Spotify

[stuck-in-jelly]

I don’t know if im really looking into it too much but something I keep going back to is Marcille telling her party about her idea to use dark magic to revive Falin

Its easy to see she is devoted to Falin and really is willing to do anything to bring her back, we can see it as Chilchuck and Senshi scold her she is resolved and uncaring towards their opinions on ancient magic. Its even more clear in the manga how quickly she brushes them off

But even though she seems to have already made up her mind about doing this regardless of what others think of her she still turns to Laios and essentially ask for his consent to revive his sister.

And of course without a second of hesitation Laios says yes

But its the fact that she still asked him that gets me

Despite her feelings and what she wants and is more than willing to do she still doesn’t make a move to begin until she hears Laios’s answer.

She looks worried for a moment that he’ll say no but they both love Falin endlessly and despite their differences they respect and care about each other as well there was a reason only Laios knew Marcille’s real speciality because Marcille knew Laios wouldn’t judge

There was no reality in which Laios says no but she still waits

It feels sweet despite the dark topic they really are friends

#jelly tarts #does this make sense i woke up in a cold sweat and wrote this im going to crawl out of bed now and be a human #dungeon meshi #marcille donato #laios touden #they are brother and sister-in-law to me your honor #friends they care and respect each other despite their goofs

[opikiquu]

these 2 gonna drive me insane

#^ positive i love them i love them i love them i love them #as if im not already insane for them . Sighs #honkai star rail #honkai sr #hsr #hsr dr ratio #hsr aventurine #dr ratio x aventurine #ratiorine #aventio #my friends getting sick of me i KNOW it but i just CANT STOP TALKING ABT THEM #<- my justification for like 7 posts in 2 days. #★ arin rambles #i woke up in a cold sweat after having a dream about them its getting absurd. #No THE NOTE joke this time (im giving everyone a break since i bring it up every 7 seconds) #Please…talk to me about them… i will listen….. #we should make dr ratio more of a dork #dork-tor ratio #i need to stop rambling in my tags i look insane #Nvm i refuse. Not when it comes to aventio. i refuse to be silenced . #‘stop talking about ratio and aventurine’ NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. #★ arin makes stuff

[kitkatpancakestack]

Eddie literally woke up from his coma and kicked his girlfriend out of the room so he could make convalescent moon eyes at Buck. Eddie literally looked like he'd rather hide himself in Buck's rib cage than face the world. Eddie literally first named him while effortlessly validating his entire existence and implying nobody would know Buck like he did while they both had whole entire girlfriends waiting for them at Eddie's surprise party. Eddie literally said "Nobody will EVER fight for my son as hard as you" and he was about to go home to his actual girlfriend whom would eventually give him panic attacks. I for one think we've grown too lax on bullying him for his insane behabior tbh.

#this shit woke me up in a cold sweat stg #buddie #k spirals #inspired by the person i met in clinic who has a normal relationship w this show which ill never understand

[ozzo-the-wozzo]

the fandom is in absolute agreement to the point where its essentially canon on adhd marinette and nothing makes me happier but also everyone sleeps on autistic adrien in this essay I will

#saw a gif of him wearing earbuds in the movie and wrote this in a cold sweat #obviously my reasoning behind this headcanon isn't due to that but I saw it and got reminded of the blinding truth #first hit post after being back (the brain rot is consuming me whole) #miraculous ladybug #ml #mlb #adrien agreste #mine

[prezs]

deleted scene from the apollo's date

#mass effect #mass effect 3 #kaidan alenko #commander shepard #shenko #fshenko #kris draws #sorry for the mid quality i finished this in between commissions. i felt a cold sweat. #that one post saying kaidan would be a horrible dad joke enthusiast haunts me

[spaciebabie]

THIS IS A NORMAL SPACIEBABIE SPRINGTRAP ART POST

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #spacie scribbles #LISTEN- #I GOT CURIOUS #I HAD A VISION #I WOKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT #AND WAS LIKE OH THIS IS PLAGUING MY MIND I NEED THIS TA BE REAL I NEED IT PHYSICAL #springtrap #fnaf springtrap #william afton #purple guy #suggestive #<-just in case #I TOLD U I WAS GONNA GIVE HIM THE SANS UNDERTALE TREATMENT #I DUNNO STOP LOOKING AT ME

[ohposhers]

what if i went clinically insane for like 5 seconds

#im losing my fucking mind #i woke up in a cold sweat and had to draw it #i did not use a ref drawing prince d and it is very apparent i will do better next time i promise #kill me i think #prince d trolls #clay trolls #idek what this ship is called #clince trolls #its over for me #im just saying prince d would appreciate sick drip when he sees it #trolls #my art

[plisuu]

a revelation.

(please do not tag/comment with your OC)

#dragon age #dragon age fanart #blackwall #connor trevelyan #templar inquisitor #tranquil inquisitor #blood #my art #all my homies hate the chantry #i have brain rot over this quest #it's just sooOOO CRUNCHY #especially since connor was a templar #and a knight-captain #he has so much blood on his hands #anyways #i drew this over the span of two days in a cold sweat #i had to get it out of my braaaaaaiiiin #i'm so proud of it #but next time i try to draw a comic #remind me: #don't

[clouvu]

*wheezes* Okay so Hear Me Out-

#genshin impact #lynette #clorinde #clorinette #I WOKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT A FEW DAYS AGO WITH MY DELUSIONAL MONKEY BRAIN BEATING ME WITH A HOCKEY STICK #THESE TWO WILL PROBABLY HATE EACH OTHER OR NEVER INTERACT IN THE STORY BUT THAT WONT STOP ME #Stage performer x High Class/Authority figure...Rewrite the stars song esque typa relationship potential;;; MWAH chefs kiss #*slaps the roof of my smooth brain* This bad boy could fit so many delusional thoughts in it

[lelelego]

had a dream and drew it :o)

#im NOT tagging this as fallout #but i will tag #craig boone #boone/courier #oc: eli #doodly thingy #nebulous slice of life modern au #fallout tag #im not even sure if this should go in my blogs fallout tag but i mean. boone _is_ from fallout. okay i dunno ITS GOING IN THERE #anyway yeah insano mode waking up in a cold sweat jumping onto my comp to draw a boone/eli dream.......... bg3 could never #speaking of bg3 though my tav/astarion also has me in a headlock maybe i should draw some of them :thinkie: #ALSO just a looser compared to what im used to and i really like it! if you know which artist i used as a ref point.. hehe #its hatters/arts her comics are insane i really love the way you can TELL how big her brain is by when she says shes taking shortcuts but #the shortcuts all come from having already done the work. VERY impressive and i love the style derived from it!! #OKAY SORRY IM RAMBLING

[bakudekublogblog]

alright I’m bored so here’s my extremely optimistic crack theory: assuming katsuki seeing a vestige means we’ll see him in the vestige realm, when kudo sorted through izuku’s memories he put his forehead on the wall right??

what if izuku is having a crisis about being left quirkless again and vestige katsuki needs to touch foreheads with izuku to show him all his memories of izuku being heroic without a quirk and he tells him “you never needed a quirk. you were always a hero” or something like that because it’s what izuku always needed to hear

#bakudeku #bkdk #me at three am waking up in cold sweat #HERES HOW BKDK FOREHEAD TOUCH CAN STILL WIN #and then they kiss with tongue and hori shows all of it bc he’s a weird little freak and we all win #and everyone clapped #anyway that’s what I would do if #if I could possess horikoshi’s body and write the resolution #and then I’d add 30 panels of hugging and kissing and post them all online immediately on his Twitter then log out #this isn’t even a theory this is just me explaining why the plot demands a bkdk forehead touch it’s all there it’s been set up #and izuku sees all the memories of him standing up to katsuki and sludge villain and the river scene again #and them forehead touching is at the for front #and izuku closes his eyes and breathes deeply #BC ITS WHAT HES ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR AND HE HEARS IT FROM KACCHAN #anyway horikoshi let me into your brain I have ideas now draw it DO IT HORI DO IT LISTEN TO ME HORI WE CAN AND WE SHOULD