#but no one wants to help me so i just figure this all out myself

[fastandcarlos]

Not Without You : ̗̀➛ Carlos Sainz

summary: filled with alcohol, carlos could almost fall asleep, but there's one very important thing that's missing for him

Your head shook as you walked into the apartment, kicking Carlos’ shoes out of the way that he had left in the middle of the hallway. You want to be mad at him, but you can’t, placing them out of the way. There’s a faint light coming from the living room as you walk in, noticing a figure laid out across the sofa.

“Damn Carlos,” you snigger underneath your breath, placing your phone down before walking over to him. You knelt down just beside his head, brushing the hair out of his face. The smell of beer hit you as soon as you got close to him, the sign of a good night for Carlos as he went out drinking with a few of his friends. He was fast asleep, chest pressed into the sofa, completely unaware of you.

His keys and his phone had been discarded on the floor in his sleepy, tipsy state, which you quickly picked up and put on the coffee table to keep them safe. His shirt had a slight stain on it, knowing how incapable Carlos was at eating anything once he had just a single drink inside of him.

Your attention then turned to the man before you, lips parted, hands tucked in slightly to the sleeves of his jumper, feeling your heart pound with the adoration you had for Carlos hitting you hard. Your hand moved across his cheek, feeling his stubble tickle against the pad of your thumb as you try your best not to disturb him.

However, as you go to press a kiss to the top of his head before leaving him to rest, you end up doing exactly what you had tried your best not to do. You hear your name followed by the feeling of a hand around your wrist to keep you.

“When did you get here?” Carlos groggily asks you, slowly opening his eyes and flinching at the light. “Have I been asleep for long?”

“It’s almost three, I can’t imagine you’ve been asleep for long looking at the state of you,” you teased, taking a seat just beside where Carlos laid on the sofa. “Looks like you and the boys all must’ve had a good time, I don’t think I even want to ask what you all got up to together.”

Carlos stretches his hand out, craving for the feeling of your own intertwined with his. You do as he requests, sniggering as he lazily moves, huffing in discomfort as he rolls to face you and be able to face you on his side.

“I had a much better time then you did at work I imagine, are you alright?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about me,” you smile, offering Carlos a reassuring look. Even tipsy, he still cares, it’s by far one of your favourite things about him. “Do you want me to let you go back to sleep for a bit?”

“No,” he immediately responded, tightening his grip on you slightly. “You’re not allowed to leave me, you can only kiss me.”

You did as Carlos asked, closing the distance between the two of you. Carlos’ free hand cupped against the side of your face to bring you in, keeping you in position. Your hands rested against his chest to steady yourself as you forgot about the taste of beer that lingered on his lips for a moment and instead focused on savouring the feeling of Carlos’ touch against your skin.

After a few moments Carlos pulls away, but doesn’t let you move too far away from him. “I can smell coffee on you baby.”

“And I can smell beer on you, so I guess we’re even,” you teased in reply, dreading to think how many coffees you’d had in order to keep yourself awake. “You should really get some sleep now Carlos, I’ll be through to join you shortly.”

“I’m not moving,” he huffed, folding his arms across his chest, tapping the tiny space beside him on the sofa, inviting you to join him.

“I’m going to sort myself out,” you told him again, pushing yourself up off of the ground, using the sofa to help you. Once again, Carlos’ hand reaches out for you, but this time he’s not quick enough, reluctantly watching you walk away and head into the bathroom so you could sort yourself out and get into your cosy bed.

You were lost in your own little world as you started to get yourself ready for bed, you had a makeup wipe in hand, hair tied back as you wiped away the effects of the day. It almost didn’t seem fair how Carlos was awake after a night of fun with his friends, whilst you returned home off the back of a twelve hour shift, barely able to move anymore.

Once everything was sorted, you tidied up the bathroom, and the mess that Carlos had left in there too after he arrived home. You were ready to sleep, and for a long time too, safe in the knowledge that you’d have the bed to yourself tonight, with Carlos stubbornly unwilling to pry himself off of the sofa.

Or so you thought, as you opened the door.

“What the hell Carlos?”

Your hand grabbed onto the bathroom door in order to steady yourself, heart racing at the sight of the figure who stood as close to the doorway as he possibly could. There was a weak smile on his face as he looked blankly back at you, not realising just how much he had managed to scare you.

You reached out and pushed gently against Carlos’ chest, “what happened to not moving off of the sofa, you gave me such a fright.”

You wanted to yell and shout, but Carlos’ exhausted eyes soon stopped you. He leant against the doorway, too tired to find the strength in his legs to keep himself upright. You could only shake your head as he frowned at you, surprised you weren’t expecting him to have moved when you went away.

“The sofa was nice, but it’s not as nice as being able to lay in bed with you,” he softly speaks, keeping his voice as convincing as he can. “It’s not the same without you baby.”

You were left stunned by Carlos’ sudden confession, despite how drunk he was, you could tell by his voice just how much he meant exactly what he was saying to you, there was no doubt in your mind that he really wanted to sleep with you.

The two of you had so many moments when you were apart, that Carlos always promised himself to make the most of the ones when you were together. He made the most of every second, and made sure that every second was spent with his full attention on you. You often reassured Carlos that you understood the demand of his job, but he never took it for granted. He’d trained himself, no matter how tired, drunk or stressed he was to make sure that he still made the most of having you there with him. You never expected any of it from Carlos, and he never expected anything in return for the kindness that he showed you too, it was all that Carlos just wanted to do for you. The little moments were the ones that he treasured the most, particularly when he was able to fall asleep with you.

The closeness that you shared was the envy of others, they wished they could be as tentative and selfless as Carlos, or as sympathetic as you were. You both sacrificed a lot to make your relationship work, but the rewards at the end of it always proved to be more than worth it.

“You didn’t really want to get up, did you?” You asked as you took a hold of Carlos’ hand to help him to steady himself.

“You weren’t there,” he protested, shrugging his shoulders back at you, expecting you to be able to figure that out yourself. “There was just this cold, empty space beside me that some mean woman decided to ignore rather than cuddle up with me in.”

You had to give Carlos credit, if he was good at one thing, it was his ability to try and guilt you in order to get his own way. He knew exactly what to say to get you to do as he wanted, which was why he couldn’t help but smile when he found himself sat on the edge of your bed, watching as you looked through your drawers to try and find yourself a fresh pair of pyjamas to wear.

He’s lost in a moment of disbelief as he studies you, asking the same questions that he’s been asking for years, wondering if maybe today would finally give him the answer. How did he get so lucky? When did life get so perfect? What was it about him that drew you in and made you decide Carlos was your forever?

The click of fingers in front of his face snapped Carlos back into his reality, feeling the bed dip beside him. Your hand rested against Carlos’ thigh, squeezing against it gently. He responds by throwing his arm over your shoulders, pulling you down so that you’re both laid in the middle of your bed.

“Did you like what you saw there Sainz?” You enquired, referring back to you changing in front of him a few moments ago. There were no words, but as his smile slightly turned up, you knew exactly what Carlos was trying to tell you. “Come on, I think the both of us are on the verge of being overtired now.”

“Much better,” Carlos whispered to himself as the two of you pushed up and then pulled the duvet over you both. He could hear your giggles, unaware that you heard him, but with how drunk he was, nothing that Carlos did was quiet.

“You’re going to be such a giant pain in the morning,” you huffed as you watched Carlos relax as soon as his head hit the pillow. “You and hangovers are never a good combination for me.”

You knew all too well that Carlos was never going to remember any of this in the morning, if you told him how clingy he was or how needy he was for you to share the bed with him, he never would believe you. He could never imagine himself being so embarrassing, refusing to take on the role of soppy, emotional boyfriend.

After making himself comfortable, Carlos’ complete attention turned to you. His grip on you was incredibly strong as he pulled you into his hold, tying his legs in with your own. You were much colder than he was, still recovering from the chill in the air as you returned home, leaving Carlos running his hands along your body in order to try and warm you up a little bit.

“You’re not allowed to move for the rest of the night,” Carlos told you as he pressed a lazy kiss against the top of your head, “you’re mine forever now.”

“I don’t think I’d be able to escape even if I tried,” you joked, barely able to move in amongst Carlos’ tight embrace.

“I love you.”

“Carlos,” you whispered, resting your head against his chest. “I love you too,” you smiled, pausing for a moment to make sure that he was listening, wondering what world he was daydreaming in beside you. You still knew he wouldn’t remember what you had said, but the two of you had always promised that if one of you said ‘I love you,’ then the other always said it back.

“Be quiet now, it’s sleep time.”

You scoffed at how quick he was to shut you down, as if you had not been the one trying to get him to sleep half an hour earlier. How he’d finally decided it was time for him to sleep so now that meant that you had to be the one to go to sleep too. You could only shake your head, but seeing as Carlos had decided it was time to sleep, having not listened to you, you decided to test his boundaries.

“Do you really want to sleep now?” You asked, moving your hand down Carlos’ chest so that it settled just above his waistband.

You could feel his body tense up, he wasn’t drunk enough to miss what you were implying. “You said that I stunk of beer earlier.”

“And you said I stank of coffee,” you reminded him, propping yourself up to get a better look at him. “But I guess if I smell of coffee then you’ll just want me to move my hand back up here, won’t you?”

Carlos’ head shook as your eyes looked at him expectedly, “please don’t do this to me, it’s not fair baby.”

Before you know it, a pair of hands grip at your waist and turn you over so that Carlos is now the one hovering over the top of you. A shiver run downs your spine at how close he lays to you, not expecting Carlos to get so close. He can’t help it though, you’re like a magnet pulling him in, and the second that you drop the hint, he’s there and desperate to make the most of the situation.

“Carlos…please.”

It never fails to make him smile when he hears you whisper his name, followed by a shaky breath. He leans down and presses a kiss against your lips, capturing your bottom lip between his teeth. He tugs lightly, feeling your hands hold against his waist to try and pull him even closer towards him. Once you’re happy with where he is, you grab at the hem of his shirt and begin to lift it up, your kiss broken momentarily so that you could discard it to your bedroom floor.

“I love you,” Carlos repeats again, meeting your eyes as he pulls away from you.

You nod back at him, admiring the fiery passion that’s staring down at you. “I love you more,” you smirked, “why don’t you let me show you just how much I love you?”

“Baby…I am all yours.”

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

#f1 #f1 imagine #formula 1 #carlos sainz #carlos sainz imagine #formula 1 x reader #f1 x reader #formula 1 imagine #f1 reaction #f1 fanfic #formula 1 fanfic #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz x you #formula 1 x you #formula one imagine #formula 1 fic #formula one #f1 fic

[jo-com]

hello🎀

i read your fics,and girllllll they're so good.

I just wanted to make a request for a Carlos Sainz x fem reader. So the topic is yn and carlos are friends who have secret crush on each other. Basically, friends to lovers. But yn is not a famous person,she's just a normal girl💁‍♀️

and pls no smut 😔🙏

just fluff🤕✊

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ☆ ➛Best Friend Material?

Carlos Sainz x Fem!reader

Summary: Based off the request above!

Genre: Friends to lovers! Major fluff

Note: Sorry for not making this earlier, I’ve been busy😭 also thanks for requesting!! There are some grammatical errors.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ➛ My Masterlist

─────── ─ ೀ 🍨 ‧ ˚─ ───────

Liked by Carlossainz55, urbff, and 2,357 others

Just/yn Beach day with idk who

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Carlossainz55 I shouldn’t have come😑

Just/yn Nah you’ll miss me too much😋🩷

Carlossainz55 sure if u say so…

Urbff Just smash already

Comment has been deleted by author

…

With a flustered face, you turned off your phone and threw it over the other side of the couch. Mentally cursing at your best friend. What was she thinking— commenting that on your post.

What if Carlos saw it? Is he going to distance himself or something? What if he feels disgusted? What if— So many what ifs.

Your heart started to race as many thought coursed through your head. Fuck, you’re so screwed.

…

Carlos stared blankly at your post. His eyes blinking abruptly and jaw hanging wide open from shock; He wasn’t imagining things right?

It was clear that he saw your best friend’s comment before getting deleted by you. What does she mean by that? Why would she comment something like that if there weren’t any hints to it?

Carlos let’s out a heavy sigh, “Fuck, i am clearly loosing my mind.”

…

Days go on by as they avoid one another; afraid to talk to each other and make things weird.

The two we’re oblivious about each other’s feelings and your best friend had enough of it. You guys were clearly suffering and was idiotically enough to think that distance would help. Face slap.

So as their cupid, your best friend thought of a plan.

…

“Hey y/n can i borrow your phone”, your friend asked nonchalantly— her body leaning closer to the couch to find comfort

You glared at her laid back figure. Your face scrunched up and eyes narrowing skeptically,“what for?”

“Nothing, just want to send something to myself through your phone” she shrugged, answering as if her request was normal.

You were hesitant at first but as your friend, you trusted her not to do something crazy like last time. So you grabbed your phone from the side and handed it to her.

“Here, don’t do stupid shit, okay?”

F/n rolled her eyes and took your phone. “Yeah yeah” she replied, waving off her hand and then opening your phone.

With a sly grin, she went to contacts and changed Carlos’s name to hers; making it seem that she was just chatting her and not Carlos.

If this doesn’t work, i don’t know what will.

…

➛ Messages (Y/n and Carlos)

…

After that, they soon hit it off and started dating— they later found out that it was all f/n’s doing. They were both furious and grateful;

I am happy to say that they went and soon live a romantic life— just like those in fairy tales.

…

Liked by Urbff, Carlossainz55 and 1,389 others

Just/yn Happy 4th anniversary mi amour💕💞

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Carlossainz55 I love you so much mi vida😍

Just/yn I love you more carlitos💗

Urbff Fucking finally

…

I had so much fun making these!! I hope this was okay and that you enjoyed reading itt!! Always enjoy making requests

#imagine #fanfic #oneshot #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x you #formula one #f1 #f1 x you #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #scuderia ferrari #carlos sainz x y/n #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz fic #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz oneshot #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz

[chubs-deuce]

Hi! First of all I wanted to say I love your art so much thank you for sharing your work with us!

If I may ask, how do you come up with the poses in your art? Do you use refs or just sketch them from imagination? Any tips you could share about it?

Figuring out poses is the hardest part of art for me and I am just in awe of how dynamic and great the poses are in your work!

Thank you again and I hope you have a great day!!

oh boy am I ever happy to talk about this!! :D

first of all thank you so much!! <3 I'm genuinely so happy to hear that aaaa-

So-

In regards to coming up with ideas? I oftentimes just kind of fuck around and find out - a lot of times I just get a momentary brain-spark that gives me a glimpse of an idea if that makes sense? It's mostly just the general vibe, a specific feeling, a facial expression, a rough silhouette and if it intrigues me enough I will try to pursue the idea in-depth!

I normally do try to do the poses by hand myself, but sometimes the image in my head isn't detailed enough and I get hung up on where to place the hands or legs or for some reason or another I just can't get the torso and head to sit right... so I get a little help!

More specifically I use a program to make pose references! :D

It's called DesignDoll and it's free on windows (tho you can't save without the pro service which is meh but it offers perfectly succinct functions as is already so I never bothered with the paid version)! It can be a bit finnicky to control sometimes (the elbows and knees love twisting into random angles whenever hands/feet are moved) but it's really really versatile once you know what you're doing! Ngl making raking references in it can take me up to an hour at times but it's really fun too so it's never been a bother for me haha

Some recent examples:

What actually helps me the most with this process tho is the fact that I can make these poses and choose the angles and everything myself! I find that the process of making the refs actually really helps me refine the concept in my head - a lot better than I would be able to in a drawing anyway! Plus I'm very lazy so I hate redrawing things overly often haha

You can probably see it the best in the first drawing and the karaoke one - I didn't use the references 1:1, I still do change things spontaneously if I find it works better for my drawing that way - so I don't really use it for the proportions so much as just visualizing my idea with more precision that I can then adapt properly into the artwork :D

I highly recommend doing something similar if you often find yourself with only fragments of a pose or no clear idea for one!!! DesignDoll isn't the only program of this kind either so it's worth looking into other alternatives too if you don't have a windows system to run this one on!

(just please do not use generative AI for art references! Always remember that there is no such thing as ethical generative AI! ;w;)

#chubs answers #art tips #designdoll #charlastor #radiobelle #bc it's in the example images tee hee #art #my art

[idontego]

KAJI X READER- I Got Your Back

Summary: Kaji and you have had an unspoken title on your relationship, but what you do know, is that he always sticks up for you and doesn’t let things slide so easily. Especially when it comes to you.

—————————————

It was a bright Saturday afternoon and normally that meant the city would be pretty busy. Kaji was patrolling today and when you got the chance you would always meet up with him while he was doing so. you were walking alone planning to meet him, but he insisted it wasn’t safe for you to go to him so you waited patiently at a local cafe where he would meet you. You looked down into your coffee cup anticipating his arrival. You heard bells chime and look behind you to see him walking through the door.

“Kaji! it’s so good to see you! what are we gonna get into today?” you exclaimed, tugging on his hoodie. “I’ll escort you wherever you want to go.” He said with a straight face. This was usual for him. you normally had more energy and he was the anchor in the friendship. “It’s Saturday, Kaji. Don’t be so up tight!” you said rolling your eyes.

“yeah, well i chose to watch your ass when i’m supposed to be patrolling, so you should be grateful.” the sound of his lollipop clacking against his teeth made your ears burn.

“ugh, come on then. we don’t have all day.” you spat out and pulled his arm out the door. “let’s go to the open market down the street! i heard they have some cool things this year!” you proceeded.

The two of you walked on the side walk, him walking on the side that’s closest to the road and you walking on the inside.

“what are you listening to, Kaji?” you asked.

“umm why should i tell you?” he blushed and shoved his hands in his pockets.

you knew that grabbing his headphones would trigger him so you decided not to pry, but you stuck your ear closer to eat and he gave you the side eye.

“just tell me!” you said throwing your arms down.

“The Neighborhood.” he said, looking away from you. “I-i don’t normally listen to this kind of music, but when i’m around you it helps me focu- HEY WHY DO YOU CARE ANYWAYS! we’re almost there.” he exclaimed.

you giggled and proceeded walking. When you got there you were distracted by this one booth that got your attention and you immediately ran over to it, discarding Kaji. You were looking at these pottery jewelry dishes that were hand crafted. You felt a tall, masculine form against your back.

“Kaji look at thi-“ you paused realizing it was indeed a random stranger that also did not apologize for being so close to you.

“i saw you from over there and figured i’d come introduce myself.” the guy said pointing to the direction he was referring to.

you followed his hand with your eyes to see where he was pointing only to realize it was a distraction after you felt a hand grab your wrist causing you to drop what you had been looking at. ‘This is not good.’ you thought to yourself.

the pottery shattering made an alarming noise and you look over the man’s shoulder to see Kaji sprinting towards you.

“let me show you around follow me. what’s your name? i’ve never seen you here before.” the guy said with a strong grip still on your wrist.

“Shut the hell up and let me go, weirdo!!” you said tugging, trying to get him to release his grasp on you.

“Of course some dumb ass had to ruin my afternoon.” Kaji said, spitting out his sucker on the ground. He immediately placed a firm hand on the man’s shoulder pushing him to the ground with one hand, which released his hold on your wrist.

“Who are you?!” the man said wincing in pain.

“Doesn’t matter, if you want to find someone to take advantage of or try to scare, YOU COME TO ME! GOT THAT?!” Kaji said with gritted teeth, gripping the front neck line of the man’s shirt only inches away from his face.

the man was persistent and attempted a right hook on Kaji which didn’t land. “Tch. Nice try, moron.” Kaji said.

“you interrupted my conversation with this beautiful girl and now you’re trying to show me up in-front of her?” the guy said going for a kick.

“by the way how are you doin’?” the man said looking at you mid fight,

“She’s fine.” Kaji answered for you landing a punch to the man’s nose. “keep this up and i’ll knock you out to hell and back, loser.” Kaji continued.

the spar was short lived and resulted in the guy crawling away. Kaji still had his headphones around his neck.

“Kaji… thank you so much-for looking after me.” you said with remorse.

“it’s nothin’. now, what did you want to show me?” he said, tugging on a lollipop wraper and popping another in his mouth.

——————————————————-

A/n: i hope you enjoyed my first writing, lmk if you liked it! Also, REQUESTS ARE OPEN🩶

#kaji x reader #wind breaker #wind breaker x reader #kaji ren #kaji ren x reader

[aziraphales-library]

hello there! thank you so much for all the work you're doing, it's amazing:)

i was wondering (since i tried to search ao3 myself and found nothing), if you know about any pretty woman AUs? thank you so much and have a great day!

I do! Not a complete one unfortunately:

Pretty Boy by SerenityStargazer [E], WIP

Aziraphale Fell, real estate tycoon, finds himself in need of a companion during a business week in London. He meets Crowley in Soho and finds he enjoys the younger sex worker's company. They spend the week together and both are surprised to find themselves falling in love.

"Hey, handsome," Crowley purred, "want a date?"

"Right now," the blond man replied in a very proper, educated accent, "what I need are directions to the Ritz. Got myself turned around, I'm afraid."

"Five pounds for directions, luv," Crowley said calmly.

"Five pounds? That's ridiculous!" the man sputtered indignantly.

"Ten pounds. The price just went up."

"You can't charge me for directions!"

Crowley grinned. "I can do whatever I want, angel. I'm not lost." He stood up and turned his back, letting his arse lean against the window frame.

"Oh, very well," the man said, pulling out his wallet. Crowley opened the door and climbed in.

"For a twenty, I'll take you there personally," he offered.

Aziraphale handed the twenty over silently then tried to find first gear.

Other fics with similar premise:

The (Half) Boyfriend Experience by ZehWulf [M]

The image on the monitor remained static for another minute or so, but then the door to the connected room opened, and the pale, curly-headed figure of Crowley's client—a man who went by Fell at the club—stepped through. As always, he stopped just after closing the door behind him to collect himself, gaze trained on where Crowley's lower half was splayed wide on lewd display. There was a whole ritual of straightening cuffs and waist coat and shifting his weight that he would go through before approaching.

Crowley felt their lingering scowl soften as they watched with vague fondness as he worked himself through the motions. At first, they'd wondered if the whole process was some sort of pre-sex psych-up, or a fussy-looking-middle-aged man version of reflexive peacocking. But, Fell had been requesting them for long enough by now that they'd been able to observe the way things evolved over time: the gestures loosening up, the amount of time spent shortening.

The poor bastard was just anxious.

OR

Crowley works part time as a sex worker at a club, and one of their favorite, most baffling clients comes in looking like he's had just as bad a day as they have.

Dreaming of You by TawnyOwl95 [E]

AJ Crowley likes helping people discover and heal the neglected parts of themselves. Even if that's only for their scheduled session. He likes being a sex worker, although he's started to dream of some genuine intimacy.

Aziraphale Fell knows he isn't deserving of romance. As much as he might like the idea, a lifetime of neglect has left him insecure and afraid to reach for what he wants. He still dreams that one day he might be brave enough to take a chance.

Hired Heart (illustrated by many artists) by GayDemonicDisaster (scrapheapchallenge) [E]

As a result of his sheltered upbringing, Aziraphale made it to 50 without exploring his sexuality or coming out. After 50, all that changed - he's gay, he's out, and wants to find love. He also wants to have sex. He's a tad nervous about that. His friend Agnes suggests he consult a professional and get some no-strings practice and advice, and build some confidence. And her friend Tracy runs an agency…

Crowley has quite the breadth of sexual experience: he’s a high class escort. He’s been in his line of work for a long time, though in this industry, that’s not exactly an advantage. He likes his work, but the more he’s reminded that he’s not as young as he once was, the more he contemplates his exit strategy. When his bookings manager and friend Tracy gives him a new, nervous client, Crowley finds him unexpectedly captivating. In fact, Crowley can’t seem to get him out of his head.

A Smitten Crowley is also a very silly Crowley, so prepare for giggles and fluff along with your love story and smut...

Seirbheis by Kalimyre [E]

Human AU - Crowley is a sex worker, hired by the wealthy and eccentric Ezra Fell for a long weekend. He goes in expecting it to be just another job. But Ezra is not like other clients, and Crowley is soon in over his head.

In which our beloved ineffable husbands have clear, honest communication, a whirlwind romance, and tremendous amounts of soft, tender, kinky sex.

~Mod N

#good omens #ineffable husbands #adult omens #human au #sex worker crowley #pretty woman au #mod n

[sentientcave]

Wildflowers and Honey

IT'S WIP WEDNESDAY BAYBEEE and you know what that means! It means I've ignored the projects I planned on working on and started working on a semi-historical omegaverse fic instead. Because I haven't written one before I obviously had to make it extra difficult on myself by making it a low-key Western. No blockers for scents or heats we are just out here rawdogging life.

We can blame this on @dragonnarrative-writes tbh, making me want to write omegaverse. But we're HERE now and we're having FUN with it. As per usual the "reader" is an OC.

You hum noncommittally, tugging your sleeves to make sure you’re as covered as possible. “Are you, um, enjoying living here so far?” you ask, hunting for conversation.

“We sure are,” John says. “It gets better all the time. You ladies want to come in for tea? Ain’t got nothing fancy, no one’s made a habit of callin’ on us yet. We’ll be better prepared next time.”

“We’d love to,” Sarah says cheerfully. “Let me just take Nosy to the pond for a drink.” She unhooks the horse quickly, and leads her away, leaving you standing beside the cart, the four alphas all studying you openly.

“Come on in, then.” John steps in beside you, and gently steers you toward the house, his hand pressed against your lower back. Up close, there’s a warm touch of whiskey in his scent. You clamp down on the instinct to lean in closer. You just have to be polite until Sarah’s satisfied that you’ve met your neighbours. They seem nice enough, but you can’t help but feel like a plump little rabbit surrounded by dogs.

The feeling only intensifies when you step inside. You would expect a building that houses four alphas would be overwhelming, maybe even unpleasant, but you’re hit but a combination of heady scents that make your knees weak. Sourdough bread and sweet fruit and spices, honeysuckle, citrus, that warm tobacco and whiskey that clings to John’s skin, faint traces of leather and wood smoke and spruce and sun-dried cotton. It smells homey.

It’s also surprisingly tidy inside, the floors swept clean, the counters and table scrubbed clean. Kyle pulls a chair out for you, and lifts it right off the ground when he slides it back in. “Sorry,” he says when you squeak, but there’s a laugh in his voice, and you suspect he’s not all that sorry. He’s the one that smells like spices, cloves and cardamom, and sweet peach. Something subtle and slightly bitter underneath, like toasted walnut. He makes a low rumbling sound of approval, like he’s just tasted your scent and thinks it’s just as nice.

Soap tosses the package onto the table and moves a chair closer, spinning it around so he can lean on the back of it, propping his chin on his folded arms. His blue eyes are sharper than John’s, a brighter, more intense blue. “So, Kitty—”

“I’d prefer Miss Haydon,” you say weakly.

“Not very neighbourly of you.” Simon sits across from you, his foot tapping yours. You slide your feet under your chair and out of the way. “Figure we ought to be friendly, eh?”

“Oh stoppit, ye wee big bastart, yer scarin’ the poor lass. Put yer eyes away.” Soap reaches over and tilts the brim of Simon’s hat down over his eyes, then looks at you with all the bearing of a large, silly dog that wants praise for doing a good job. “So, Kitty,” he continues, like he hadn’t been corrected before. “D’ye need any help around yer farm? We’re almos’ done our big work for the season, except the big drive down to Helena for market. Happy to help oot where we can.”

“Oh, I don’t think my daddy’s gonna want your help,” you say quickly. “It’s a very kind offer, but he won’t abide other alphas in his territory.”

Dividers by @/cafekitsune

#Cave Writing #WIP WEDNESDAY BAYBEE #omegaverse #Thinking about smells extra hard is really fun #I should get back to my other projects instead of starting new ones but unfortunately I cannot be stopped

[softgothboy]

someone sent an ask that said somethin like “you’re a woman and i hope one day you can fix your internalized misogyny” or whatever and uhhh i just wanna write abt that rn cuz i just dont feel like being passive about people’s transphobic nonsense today i guess 🤷🏻

i DID have internalized misogyny when i was younger. i was raised by my grandma but she was a christian woman with some misogynistic beliefs about what a woman should be, and my dad is just misogynistic cuz he’s an average cishet white man. so yeah i was raised with quite a bit of misogyny already instilled into me at a young age, especially because my grandma was constantly trying to force me to be more girly and whatever so i started resenting femininity in general. i hated wearing dresses and skirts and sparkly ruffly things but i was forced to wear things i didnt wanna wear so yeah that kinda furthered the internalized misogyny i already had.

but once i got to middle school, i realized this about myself, and i hated the way i felt about femininity, so from the time i was 12 i tried so hard to fix myself and fix the misogyny that i had within me. my main influence in fixing that was my best friend that i made in middle school, who i viewed as like the perfect role model of femininity and womanhood. she helped me figure out how to dress, how to use makeup, just how to be a girl in general. i learned to love everything about womanhood, but still felt like i didnt fit in, like i didn’t belong. still had these feelings of disgust and discomfort every time i looked in the mirror or wore something that was too girly.

i ended up getting to a point where i valued women and femininity over everything else, and started slipping into terf kinda thinking. started becoming a man hating feminist and hated everything about men and masculinity. i basically just became the complete opposite of what i used to be. so when i still had feelings of dysphoria and wanting to look more masculine, i hated myself for it. i never wanted to die more in my life. i couldnt get rid of those feelings no matter what i did, no matter how hard i tried. i thought that the feelings would go away if i just became more feminine, but everything i did to try to be more feminine just made the feelings worse and worse and i just felt even more uncomfortable and hated looking at myself.

so idk who sent that ask, i already blocked them lol, but if u believe the same thing uhhhh go away, you literally dont know me, you dont know all the shit ive gone through to get to the point im at today. trust me i have thought of every possible cause of my transness (my trauma, internalized misogyny, social media influence, maybe i’m just a tomboy, etc.), and explored every area of my life to come to the final conclusion of being trans.

imma expose myself here’s some pre-transition pics lol :3

i was pretty, i know that i have a lot of potential as a woman. i know that i could be beautiful and that i have an amazing body. but when i look at these pictures it doesn’t look like me. it doesn’t represent who i actually am. i’ve already been made to feel like im wasting my potential for my whole life so trust me you cannot hurt me with that lmao. i have so much more potential just being myself :3

so yeah, i’m pretty young still but my journey of being trans has been lifelong, ive gone through a lot to get to this point. i had to battle all of the internalized shit that society conditioned me with. and now, i love myself and who i am so much. i never thought “self love” was a real thing until recently. ive never been as confident and comfortable in myself as i am now.

and a big part of that is thanks to you guys :3 thank you so much to all of you who are so supportive and affirming <3 i luv y’all 🥰

#puppy speaks

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 20 thoughts:

I legit have restarted this post at least 10 times. I just. I can't even figure out what to say. What an arc. Holy fucking shit what an arc.

The last vestiges of Taylor's civilian life are swept away in one smooth motion.

I could have read another 5 chapters of Emma getting her shit handed to her though.

I've been waiting for something to come back and bite that girl since Arc 1. So I'm just riding high off of that.

Taylor getting all upset because it isn't real justice is silly though. Girl you've been fighting a broken system from day 1 and you have been doing that by breaking the rules. This is just the same thing.

Also god dammit Greg. Just had to go and run your mouth.

I mean sure Taylor could have possibly solved this issue without going to school herself.

And she could have just not gone to the office with Emma.

But blaming Greg is easier and more fun. God dammit Greg.

I had to lose my mind a bit at Taylor talking about how there was no gang graffiti on the school walls TEN SECONDS AFTER WALKING PAST GRAFFITI FOR THE UNDERSIDERS. Like, that's gang graffiti hon!

Dennis trying to help Taylor with Greg when he didn't know who either of them are is funny. Dennis seeing Taylor named as Skitter 15 minutes later is HYSTERICAL!!

The second Taylor was entered into the computer system it was pretty obvious that Dragon was going to show up, given what she said in her interlude in Arc 10.

And knowing she was going to show up it should have been obvious that HE was also going to show up.

Even if he wasn't palling around with my robot daughter it makes so much narrative sense for him to be there when she is outed. Full story arc, all that jazz.

And yet, I still wasn't quite expecting it. Cause I hate that man so much that I just had to make myself believe he wouldn't show up.

Mother fucking Colin

RoboCape himself

He has the nerve to show up and then he starts APOLOGIZING? And it appears to be sincere? Fucking dammit man you were so easy to hate for so long! Why you gotta mess with me like this?

STOP DOING THE RIGHT THING AND LET ME HATE YOU GOD DAMMIT!

siiiigh

And then of course we have to talk about Dragon.

Dragon who didn't want to do this but had to.

Except that Colin had a code push ready and she could have told him to do it at anytime. But she was willing to do what she thought was wrong instead of doing the update. Until she got inspired by Taylor's actions.

I love my robot daughter exactly as much as my bug daughter, but I am disappointed that she was almost willing to go through with everything. Happy she fought back though.

And if Colin's hacked together code did any permanent damage I'll destroy the man.

Taylor learning that Dinah - either by force or by choice - gave the PRT numbers to let them know to come after her at the school was heartbreaking to watch. She just wasn't ready for it at all, poor child.

AND TAYLOR'S SPEECH THOUGH!

HOLY SHIT!!!

Sort and simple and she fucking rallies the students to her. Against the heroes!

Gotta be one of the best moments in Worm for sure. Even if every Arc after this is a banger that's still gonna be a hard moment to top.

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

And someone gives her a hoodie to help her hide and just aaaahhhh!

AND THEN AFTER THEY GOT AWAY AND ALL THE STUDENTS WERE LIKE "You saved my dad" "You stopped Leviathan at the shelter" "You fought off the SH9" AND SHE WAS JUST OVERWHELMED BY IT ALL?

HOLY FUCK JUST AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also for real though Dragon is free. Like sure it's taking her some time to recover and she can't talk right now (which like I get it, we all have non-verbal episodes sometimes), but as long as nothing goes wrong she is free. I'm so fucking happy for her.

But also I'm terrified cause I know what happens to full AI's with free will in most things. Worm is very different from most things. But I'm still worried about my robot daughter.

Also I never cared much for Danny but obviously it still sucks to be him here. The scene with Taylor saying goodbye with the butterfly was emotional.

Oh oh and! Taylor talks about the butterfly being her "last contact" with her Dad. Very much bug as an extension of self. It's a shift she's been making.

Even more so there's a point where she is trying to get out of the school and she gets to the door and has a bug clone on the other side and says "my hand pressing against my own, separated by an inch and a half of door". Like, the bug clone hand is just her hand. I fucking love the shift compared to how she talked about the bugs early on.

Oh and also Greg totally has like, a Thinker 1 power or something. Pretty sure I mentioned that last arc with his interlude but mentioning it again now to be sure.

Stan interlude thoughts:

Oh my god I hate this man I can't stand him I hated him from the 3rd sentence of the chapter and I was always right to do so!

Seriously. 3rd sentence (or maybe 3rd paragraph which is technically the 3rd, 4th, and 5th sentences I guess). I read it and went "fuck off Stan you're clearly a pretentious dick" and then every few sentences it just became more confirmed!

Just the ways he talks about Nipper. Like. I can rephrase what he says to say the exact same thing except not being a asshole when saying it! Instead of "She was weak and unsuited for the field but she at least tried" just say "She was a hard worker despite being assigned to a job she did not ask for"! It's so fucking easy dude!

Anyway Stan is a jerk.

I loved the way this interlude rolled through different people all watching the same news report. It was a really good way to cover this major story event and let us see how so many other characters were reacting to it.

Also I'm sure all those Slaughterhouse Nine clones aren't going to be an issue later right? Or the fact that there is specifically only one clone of Gray Boy instead of 10 like everyone else? I'm sure that's fiiiiine.

Accord interlude thoughts:

Oh. Oh my. Uhhh. Is it hot in here all of the sudden? Anyone else feel that? No? Just me?

sweats

Oh ok Citrine definitely feels what I'm feeling. She knows what's up.

Just like. Look. Accord is bad ok. Not just cause he's a villain but clearly he'll kill for the smallest cause. And he's in a spot to fuck with my daughter and her polycule so like. Yes. He's bad. I do not like him. I want him to leave. I don't think they should work with him . . .

but . . .

OH MY FUCKING GOD HOLY SHIT PLEASE ACCORD I LOOK GREAT IN PURPLE AND I LOVE DRESSING FANCY AND I'M VERY GOOD AT BEING PROPER I WON'T MESS UP AT ALL I'LL BE THE PERFECT MINION PLEASE!

. . .

cough

Soooo anyway. How about that Butcher huh? That sure is a wild power. Instantly made me think of Glaistig Uaine's power. Very different but reaches into that same base bit, the idea that some part of a dead parahuman can be held onto.

Also holy shit Skitter was so badass in this scene I loved it.

Holy shit Accord is with Cauldron. Or at least closely aligned. And like of course he is it makes so much sense. He's too useful for them to ignore.

I am really curious to see what Accord's power does when he's confronted with a really complex problem. End of the world, doors to another dimension, higher dimensional beings, all that jazz.

#Worm #Worm Web Serial #Parahumans #Cairavende reads Worm #Taylor Hebert #Dragon #RoboCape #Accord #God I could talk about this arc for hours #I HAVE talked about this arc for hours and I could still do more #Just so much stuff #Very well written #So many layers and subtleties and payoffs #And the fact that I decided to adopt Taylor and Dragon made this arc extra spicy for me #Sibling fights are always hard to watch #But Dragon got inspired by her little sister and made a big sacrifice for her so that was emotional #ALSO FOR REAL ACCORD I ALSO LOOK GOOD IN PINK #AND BLUE AND GREEN REALLY AS WELL #MOST COLORS HONESTLY #WHATEVER SPOT YOU HAVE OPEN I CAN MAKE IT WORK #. . . oh and please be nice to my daughter or she'll kick your ass k thx bye

[0cta9on]

IVE Gaeul Short Story

Heya there dude✌️Great day to you

Can I have a short about Gaeul?

"Despite being younger than her, you still treat her like a baby, which she seriously protests. She can be tsundere at times. Cutest thing about her especially when she accidentally blurts her true feelings, then quickly covers it up."

In IVE she's the oldest but shortest one, due to her small figure she sometimes gets teased by her member, imo that's her cutest charm 😭 hope this enlightens your day☺️

Hello mikeylo! Tbh I had no idea Gaeul is the oldest in IVE, I always assumed it was Yujin :> This might be a little different than what you ask for, but I hope you enjoy it regardless :]

It's a great day outside - the sun is shining, birds are chirping, and the breeze is... breezing. Perfect day for a bike ride through the park. You text the group chat, inviting them all to join you on your ride, only to be met with an array of excuses of why they can't go.

"My stomach hurts."

"My grandma is in the hospital and I need to see her."

"I have a date today." (He definitely doesn't, but you guess someone else took his excuse)

Right as you think you're gonna have to tough it out alone, you get another text that brings a smile to your face.

Gaeul: I'll go with you.

______________________________________________________________

"See, isn't this so nice, noona?"

You go on bike rides often, so this is all pretty second nature to you. Gaeul, on the other hand...

"H-how the f-freak do you ride this th-thing?"

She hasn't even looked at, let alone ridden a bike, since elementary school. Had you known that, you would've suggested just going for a walk instead, but Gaeul insisted on going on this bike ride with you.

You get off your bike and go to help her. "Here, just keep your arms steady and-" You place your hand on hers to steady the handles, but she swats your hand away.

"I-I can do it by myself, j-just tell me what to do."

"Uh, alright, the main thing is to keep the handlebars steady, if you shake too much like you're doing now, you're going to fall over."

Gaeul tries to move forward, but can barely go a few feet without placing her foot on the ground.

You sigh. "Are you sure you want to do this, noona? We can do something else if you want-"

"No!" She exclaims, drawing some looks from other people at the park. Her cheeks burn pink with embarrassment. "I-I can do this, just- AH!"

Gaeul falls to the ground, scraping her knee against the pavement. In a panic, you run to her side to assess the damage.

"Noona! Are you okay!? Do you need anyth-"

"Ugh, I'm fine! It's just a little scrape." The scratch on her knee is bright red against her porcelain skin. It is, indeed, just a little scrape, but you can't stop yourself from worrying.

"There's a convenience store nearby, I can go and get some bandages real quick-"

"I'm not a child!" Gaeul huffs at you with anger and annoyance. "I told you I'm fine, you idio- Ow!"

As she tries to stand up, a pain shoots through her leg, causing her to fall back down. Before she can protest, you pick up her and carry her to a nearby bench.

"Yah, what are you doing, put me down-"

"Noona," you interrupt her, looking into her eyes. "You say you're fine a lot, but I can tell when you're lying. You never tell anyone about your problems so no one has to worry about you, but that only makes me worry more. I know you better than anyone else in this world, so please let me help you."

She opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out, only a blank thoughtful stare. You place her gently on the bench.

"I'll be right back, okay? I'm gonna get some bandages," you say. Gaeul gives you a small nod before you run to the convenience store.

______________________________________________________________

You return to her a couple minutes later with some Hello Kitty bandages and a banana milk. Gaeul is staring at the ground, that same blank expression on her face.

"Here." You poke the straw through the lid of the banana milk. "Drink up."

"I can do it myself, y'know..." She mutters under her breath, taking the drink from your hand.

"I know, but I want to do it for you, okay?" She turns her head away to hide the blush on her cheeks, but you still see it anyways. So cute.

You carefully place a Hello Kitty bandage on her knee, offering an apologetic look after she winces from the pain.

"There, all good now." You smile up at her, but she averts her gaze. "Are you okay, noona?"

"I'm fine-"

"No. I know that look on your face. If you really don't want to say it, I won't pry, but please just let me help you," you plead.

Gaeul sighs, dropping her gaze to the ground. "Why do you treat me like such a kid?"

"Wha...?

"I'm older than you, y'know. I should be the one getting you bandages and banana milk."

You look at her, confused. Her expression is oddly serious, a far cry from her usual fiery self.

"Noona, I just want to help-"

"Well, I never asked for your help!" She yells at you. Her voice is angry, but you can see tears welling up in her eyes. "You're so... annoying sometimes, y'know that!? Always asking how I'm doing, taking care of me like I'm some kind of baby, well, I'm not a baby, you idiot! I can take care of myself!"

You're left stunned, your mind too boggled to say anything. How long has she felt like this? Did you make her uncomfortable? You look back on all the time you've spent with her. Were you being overbearing? All you ever did was look out for her. Where everyone else saw this angry girl, you saw someone who was dying to be understood, and you wanted to be the person that understood her.

You meet her eyes. Tears pour down her face with each shaky breath. "I-I'm sorry, noona, I... If you hate me so much, why did you agree to hang out with me?"

"Because I don't hate you, stupid, I like you!" Her cheeks burn red with passion. "And you're too good for me..." Just like a fizzling flame, Gaeul's anger devolves into a waterfall of tears.

You sit next to her and wrap you arms around her, pulling her into a gentle squeeze as she cries.

"W-why are you so nice to me...?" She asks in between sobs. "I push e-everyone else away, yet y-you always come back. Why?

A second passes before you're able to answer. "Because you're my friend, and I... I like you too. A lot."

Gaeul looks up at you, her cheeks red and wet with tears.

"I hate it when you think you have to deal with everything by yourself because you don't. You have a whole group of friends there for you. A-and me." You meet her eyes, heart thumping with nervous excitement. "I want you to rely on me the most. M-maybe I started treating you like a child because of that, I'm sorry-"

Gaeul kisses your cheek, sending a wave of electricity through your entire body. It was short and sweet, yet the heat lingers on your skin.

"I-I'm sorry for yelling at you," she says, not meeting your eyes. "You treat me so nicely, and I treat you like garbage.

"Would you kiss garbage on the cheek?" You quip, eliciting a cute giggle from her lips.

The sun falls behind the horizon, painting the sky above into an ombre of fiery orange and gentle indigo. You pull her closer to you, wrapping an arm around her waist as she rests her head on your shoulder. The two of you have a lot to talk about later, but right now, you just want to say in this moment, gazing at the sky.

#ive #kim gaeul #ive gaeul #kpop fanfic #kpop gg #ive x male reader #ive x male oc #ive gaeul x male reader #ive gaeul x male oc #fluff #gaeul fluff #ive gaeul fluff

[winniethewife]

Missing pieces find me (Captain Howzer x F!Reader)

Gif by @nobie

for Operation #MoreHowzerFics

Words: 791

Howzer hadn’t slept well in a long time. He wasn’t sure he’d ever gotten a full nights rest since the war ended. In the past it hadn’t seemed to bother him, but now working in the Clone underground. He wondered, if maybe something wasn’t quite right with that. He realized at some point he couldn’t focus on the Data pad in front of him, His vison was hazy and he felt off. He blinks a few times, looks up and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Howzer? You alright there?” Rex raised an eyebrow at him from across the room.

“I…I think so…it’s just a headache.” Howzer tried to brush it off. Rex wasn’t at all convinced. He walks over to him and takes the Data pad from his 

“Vod… you need some rest…go.” Howzer can tell by the tone of Rex that he isn’t asking, he’s telling. Howzer sighed dramatically before standing up.

“Whatever you say captain.” Howzer replied with an abundance of sass in his voice. Rex rolled his eyes and waved him off. Howzer made his way to the makeshift Barracks. He passed by the medbay on his way and he stopped for a minute. His immediate reaction is to search the room for her. The medic who had caught his eye the moment they had met the first time. They had formed a close friendship that developed into more but they hadn’t really put a definition on it. He found her talking to one of the other medics over a box of supplies. He waited patiently to be noticed, not wanting to take her attention from the task at hand. He wasn’t waiting long before she noticed him and made her way over to him. She gave him a kind smile.

“Captain, can I help you with something?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah I’ve been…feeling kinda off…Rex sent me off to get some rest…” He rubs the back of his neck as he looked at her. It was hard to stay professional with her.

“and why aren’t you?” she asked with a cheeky smile knowing full well why he stopped by.

“I…I wanted to see you.” He admitted shyly. She smiled knowingly.

“I could probably get away for a short time, if you need some company…” She looked over her shoulder. “I think the others can make it on their own for an hour or so.”

“I’ll take whatever I can get.” Howzer said with a laugh. They both walked to the barracks, fingers grazing each other occasionally as they walked side by side. Howzer felt, increasingly nervous, and incredibly inadequate. Once they finally arrived in the barracks, Howzer started to take off his armor, leaving him in just his blacks. As he does this she sits down on his bunk and watched with a smile on her face. He turns to look at her, his face slightly flushed as he noticed her watching.

“Like what you see?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes…But that’s not why we’re here.” She laughs. She pats the bunk beside her and he gives a shrug and a chuckle as he lays in the bunk. She lays next to him, running her fingers gently though his hair, her touch was comforting. But as much as he tried to sleep, he couldn’t. It was nearly painful. His face contorted with pain, and she gently traced her fingers over his face. “Talk to me Howzer. What’s going on?”

“I can’t sleep, and it hurts…I don’t know…” He hesitated, He definitely wasn’t used to talk about his problems. But she made him feel safe, like he could tell her anything. “I…I feel like I’m missing pieces, of myself. Of normalcy. I don’t know what I’m doing, if I’m doing anything. I’m trying to figure out what my purpose is in all this.” He says quietly. Her gaze softened, and she gently holds his face in her hands.

“It’s okay to feel like that, you have spent your whole life, with one purpose, to fight a war. The war is over, and there’s a learning process. You are, missing pieces, every one of you. You’re finding a way to feel whole again without the republic, without so many of your brothers. It will take time.” She says these things softly and lovingly as she runs her thumbs across his cheeks and gazes into his eyes.  “But I’ll be here, for every step. Alright?”

“I…thank you.” Howzer sighs. Wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in close, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He felt…for just a moment, that he was whole, she made him feel that way. And finally, for the first time in a long time. He fell asleep.

~

Masterlist

Taglist: @masterjedilenawrites @silvernight-m @queerponcho @boredzillenial

#MoreHowzerFics #star wars #captain howzer #tbb howzer #clone trooper howzer #bad batch howzer #howzer x reader #clones #clone wars #the bad batch #x reader #spotify #star wars fanart #star wars fanfiction #star wars fic #Spotify

[hunter-burton]

Recently, I’ve developed the headcannon that Alex owns a little sketchbook! Absolutely consumed by this idea, I made a physical “replica” of what I think it would look like- including some of the sketches inside! When making these pages in particular, I actually acted out a specific scenario to help myself figure out what to draw. This fic is that scenario a bit more fleshed out. Enjoy :)

Opening Up

It sucked coming home so late, especially with all that rain. After, yet, another dragging day of witnessing absolute horrors, coming home, Alex practically dropped their body into the door. Upon finally stepping into their house, they clicked the door behind themselves, muffling the sobbing clouds

Their weird ass cat, Clyde, sat at the small, round, dining table. Its yellow eyes blinked, “How was work?”

“Exhausting.” After closing and setting down their umbrella, Alex let out a sigh, lifting their uniform’s heavy coat off their hunched body and hung it on the thin coat hanger. “Y’know, the usual. Just gotta… sit down… maybe make a cup of tea.”

“Want me to make bubble water on the…” the creature traced circles in the air, “hot thing?”

“Stove? Yeah, actually. I’d really appreciate it..” Alex paused, brows furrowed, “Wait- you know how to use that thing?”

It nodded, “You turn on the knobs and, then the, sttt..circle thing.. tops turn red. I’ve seen you do it before.”

“Hm, yeah. That sounds about right.” They eased their boots off by the door, then made their way to the kitchen cabinets, “Have at it. I’ll get you a pot.”

As Alex reached for and opened the cabinet doors, Clyde tilted its head, “What’s in the rest of those little doors?”

“Oh, the cabinets?” Alex handed Clyde a small, metal pot, which it, then, took to the sink and began to fill with water. “Just general kitchen stuff. Pots, pans, spices…” they spoke over the rain hitting the road and the pot’s wet, metal hum, “Not the tea though. That’s kinda more where you’re at- by the sink.”

Once the pot was filled, it stopped the water, passed the pot back to Alex and then began to pull open all the little doors, “What does the tea look like?”

“They should be in little boxes. One should have a bear on it?”

Clyde squinted into one of the drawers, “keeyy… leee… sty.. all?”

Alex raised a brow, “Does the word start with a ‘C’” they traced the letter in the air.

“Yes.”

“‘Celestial!’ That’s them.”

“Alright.” Clyde sifted through the boxes “Which one you want? Green? Sleep?… Gine grr?”

“Ginger? Ginger sounds nice.”

Clyde echoed Alex’s voice, “Ginger it is.”

“Thanks!”

Clyde huffed, “Don’t mention it.” The box rustled as it pulled out a tea packet. To the side of the boxes, it spots a brown oddity in the corner, adorned with colorful stickers. It pulls it out, along with the tea, “Hey, what’s this?”

Lights sparked on in Alex’s eyes, “Oh! That’s my sketch book!” They snatched the thing from its claws and began to flip through the pages, “Man! It’s been forever since I’ve opened this thing… I used to doodle in it all the time before this… fuck-ass job.”

Clyde scrunched up its face, “Doodle?”

“Yeah! Here, I’ll show you- hold on, le’me get a pencil!” Alex set the sketchbook on the dining table and raced to their bedroom and, soon, returned with a yellow pointy thing and a tiny metal object with holes. Over the trash can, they stuck the yellow stick into one of the holes, shedding off what appeared to be wood, then returned to the dining table to flip the sketchbook to a blank sheet. With the dark tip, Alex began to write symbols onto the page, narrating every movement, “I’ll start with a circle… then some rectangles… dot- dot… maybe some squiggles for the hair- then a neck…” with every soft scratch the tip made on the page, a line appeared. It was like watching magic. One moment, there was a blank page, then, the next moment, “Line, line, box box…” Alex drew an arrow and wrote

Me

“…And that’s me!”

Clyde sat there for a moment with its jaw ajar, “gimme that thing.” It held out its claw, then shifted its eyes, remembering the magic word “..please.”

“Pencil.” With a wide smile, Alex dropped the pencil into those claws, then twirled their hand, “give it a whirl!”

Clyde clumsily situated the magic stick into its four fingers, then began to scratch the page with the tip. Lines turned into shapes and shapes turned into little units of invigoration. First, there was the face, then the horns, the uniform stripes down its sleeves, then the large zipper in the center of its chest. Once blank, this section of the page was now Clyde’s closest replica of its reflection. To top off the illustration, it, while admittedly crude, attempted to copy Alex’s arrow and Me.

Arms crossed, Alex sipped on their ginger tea and nodded, “Nice! That’s actually pretty good for your first time!”

It felt as if some tingling force was tugging on the corners of Clyde’s mouth and from the inside of it’s chest. For some reason, though, it didn’t mind- it couldn’t mind. Dismissing the sensation, however, it looked up to its next subject, sitting across from it, and, once again, scratched at the page, lines flowing more than they did before, now that the pencil was solid in its claws. Once the image manifested, Clyde, again, copied the arrow, pointing to the portrait of Alex, writing:

YOU

Seeing that the page was now full, it dropped the pencil.

“Yeah!” Alex took the pencil and wrote the word by Clyde’s drawing of them.

Clyde shifted its eyes to the previous page and up to the writing stuck up in the corner. It pointed to this mysterious text, “What does this, in the corner, mean?”

“That’s the date,” Alex passed the pencil back to Clyde, “I always jot it down when I finish my drawings so I can look back and know when I drew it.”

“Hm.” Clyde twirled the pencil back into its four fingers, “What’s today?”

“Uhm…” their voice trailed off as they stood up and made their way to their calendar, “1988…January…”

In the corner of the page, Clyde scratched down the year and its closest approximation of the spelling for what it heard:

JANeeuARY

“Today’s a Tuesday… the twelfth!”

TWelth

The tip skating across the grainy texture of the page was an addictive vibration. Clyde flipped the page, then paused, eyes darting around the room for a new subject to draw, eventually landing on the front door. It scribbled down two rectangles, one for the door, then one for the door’s window, through which rain could be seen pouring down from the sky, then, finally, a circle representing the door’s handle. Besides the sketch, it drew an arrow, labeling the sketch:

DOR

“A door?”

“Well,” Clyde crunched its face, “what else am I supposed to draw?”

“Hm,” Alex put their chin on top of their hand, “What’s your absolute favorite thing in the world?”

After a moment, Clyde lit up and began to scratch at the page once more, first outlining several shaky curves, then scribbling in the one at top, and, finally, adding two triangles and a jagged mouth for a face, making a Jack-o-Lantern and, with an arrow, labeling it:

FAVORit thing

“Oh nice!” Alex beamed, “Yeah, I like Halloween too.”

Clyde dropped the pencil and slid it to them, now setting it’s chin on its hand, “What ‘bout you?”

“Oh- shoot…” Alex’s spine pulled them straight soon before they held their chin, “I need to think about this one- hold on…” their voice trailed off until, “Ah! Got it!” They snatched the pencil, twirled the book to face them, and sketched away. With five fingers, as opposed to four, their lines were, clearly, a lot more cohesive, dancing together to suggest depth in what appeared to be a ghost popping out out a TV screen, exclaiming,

BOO!

Alex turned the sketch book back to Clyde, who read the note they left besides the illustration:

I really like horror movies!

“Horror movies, huh?” Clyde looked back up from the page to Alex, “Like that Critters thing you showed me last week?”

“Yeah.” Alex's eyes sparkled, “Oh- and especially- like- the really bad ones. I heard “Creepazoids” is supposed to be awful- I bought it yesterday.”

Clyde scoffed, “You humans are weird.”

Alex smiled, “Wanna watch it?”

There was a moment where the sound of rain hitting the roof filled the room.

A smile. That’s what that tingling tug was, “Sure.” Clyde smiled.

#doai sitcom au #doai #dreams of an insomniac #doai alex williams #doai clyde #they’re just silly! #I adore them! #I hope this posts #I really really REALLY hope this posts I’ve been trying to post this since 12 am this morning but tumblr is bullying me and by 2 am #my charger broke in my tablets charger port #brain goop #the tags are just me repeating what I think I put before #like brain telephone lmaoo #BUT YES ENJOY EAT EAT EAT #ILY ALL SM #MWUAH!

[rems-writing]

Brutal? Nah. Just caring. In an aggressive way

Trope: Sekhmet!Jongho x MoonKnight!reader

Context: Sekhmet is the Egyptian goddess of war, fire, and healing. She is known for her bloodlust and many people have suffered from her wrath and aggression. She was known as a symbol of great power and authority.

@newworldnet

@blossomnet

Thank you to @ja3hwa and @acupoftaewithsomesuga for helping me deliberate on which god goes with which member

Includes: a lot of mentions about blood, platonic!Jongho, and gn!reader

To clear up any confusion, Jongho will be referred as he/him/his whenever no one is speaking. Only the reader (mainly), Moon Knight, and Khonshu will refer to Jongho as she/her whenever they mention Sekhmet's name. After all, I want to stay as truly accurate as much as possible despite this being a work of fiction

ENJOY :D

You just wanted to relax with your twin brother. You and Marc were finally able to live freely after having to deal with Arthur Harrow and Ammit, the crocodile goddess that judged people unfairly and sent them to an early death despite barely starting their lives and having yet to commit any crimes. The scales she used determined those poor souls' fates early on.

Good thing you two were able to stop her before anything disastrous occurred.

As you two were chilling in Steven's (with a V) flat in London, you got up to put your empty mug in the sink. You looked up briefly at jumped at the sight of Khonshu looming over you in the reflection of the window. You scowled and turned around to look up at him.

"The fuck do you want now, you old bird?" You deadpanned. Khonshu was the Egyptian god of the moon and justice. He should be standing tall, way too proud, and definitely way too cocky.

So why on earth was he standing there, trembling like a leaf?

As he weakly clutched his staff, he looked towards Marc, who was also deadpanning at him. The god laughed nervously and spoke in that annoyingly godly voice of his.

"Y/N. Marc. Can't an old god just visit his former avatars for the sake of it?"

You and Marc exchanged a look briefly looking back up at the god.

"You honestly think we'll believe you when you claim to visit out of friendship and kindness? Ever since we decided to no longer be your avatars, you have successfully fucked off from our lives. Why come back to us now?"

Khonshu sighed and set his staff down on the floor before looking at the both of you.

"You know that I would never come back to you since I respected your decision to back out. A deal is a deal after all. However, there is a reason as to why I came back to you."

"This better be good, you old bird."

The familiar British accent spoke and you turned, seeing how Steven had fronted. You guessed Marc didn't want to deal with Khonshu.

And you couldn't blame him.

Khonshu sighed wearily as he found an empty chair and sat in it. It was weird seeing a god sit down yet here he was.

"There's been a string of attacks lately. Massive amounts of bloodshed everywhere. And it has been committed by one person and one person only. I don't know the gender of this person, but... I recall seeing the outline of a lioness's head glowing brightly as the person's fists are dripping with blood. I figured it would be the avatar of another god or goddess so I tried to stop them myself. However, I have failed..."

A loud gasp escaped your mouth as you saw Khonshu open his robe slightly to reveal that his side had been pierced. Remnants of ichor (the golden blood of any mythological god or goddess) were stained on his clothes but for the most part, he patched up the wound well.

As far as you and your brother know, avatars, including Harrow himself, never made a god bleed. Only other gods and goddesses can make each other bleed.

"Wait a minute... you're saying an average human being made you bleed?"

Steven was puzzled as well. He observed the wound and was slightly worried for the moon god. Despite their differences, this situation was worrying.

"I couldn't believe it as well! However, this is evidence." Khonshu said solemnly.

"Well... this is new. Not only is Khonshu, the ever so cocky god, afraid for his life, but he got hurt in the process."

"You don't think Ammit is back right?"

"No no. She's gone. This must be the work of someone else."

As you and Steven racked your brains together, you looked back at Khonshu and felt bad for him. Just a little bit.

"Hold on... Khonshu, didn't you say you saw the outline of a lioness head?"

The god nodded slowly.

"You see, while Ammit was technically part lion, she only had the hindquarters of a lion. None of the other gods and goddesses from the Ennead have some type of physical form of a lion or lioness, whether it would be a partial form or an entire form."

You could never get tired of Steven's brain and his endless knowledge of Egyptian mythology. As you listened carefully, you wrote down some notes.

"This means that this person you saw? If they were able to make you bleed, that means they are simply in a human disguise, not using a random human as their avatar. My question is now... who is this god or goddess in disguise? As I said before, I know for a fact it is no one from the Ennead."

"None of the past avatars had outlines of god or goddess heads before. I feel like we're dealing with an older deity. Thing is... I don't know who."

"You're absolutely right, love."

You grinned sheepishly to yourself as Steven complimented you. You knew Steven liked you, but you politely shut him down and he took the rejection well.

One, your brother wouldn't approve since Steven already kissed his wife and he definitely didn't want him to be around you.

Two, you already have a boyfriend. His name is Song Mingi.

As you continued your research, Steven gasped. Both in excitement and horror.

"I think I know exactly who attacked you, Khonshu."

"I have a feeling as well but please tell me I'm wrong..."

Steven sadly shook his head as he pointed to an unfamiliar yet familiar picture of an old deity.

This deity had the body of a woman and her hands carried a staff and an ankh. As your eyes trailed upwards, they widened.

Now you see why both Steven and Khonshu were afraid and were on the same page.

"No... it's not possible! I thought she was done with slaughtering humanity!" You exclaimed.

"I thought so too. But somehow, she has come back." Khonshu said sadly. "Now you understand why I came to you. You two are the only ones strong enough to take her down. If you can do me this favor, I will leave you alone for the rest of eternity."

Instead of Steven fronting, it was Marc this time.

"Well then... time to face the almighty goddess of war. Sekhmet."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once more, you two were in the ceremonial suits that Khonshu had provided you when he first saved you. You surveyed the city from below while Marc and Steven surveyed from above. You were on the lookout for anyone that had the outline of a lioness head glowing brightly. As Khonshu said, the gender of the person that Sekhmet chose was unknown so for you and Marc, it could be anyone! As you observed some more, your phone vibrated in your pocket, indicating that Mingi sent you a message. You decided to open it and see what he sent you. Your heart melted at the message.

Mingi: Hey. I hope you and Marc are doing well. I know facing an old goddess isn't easy, especially when you never really wanted to be that moon god's avatar anymore. However, this is important from what you told me over the call earlier. If this Sekhmet woman is on the loose, then you have to be extremely careful. I know you can handle yourself, but a goddess of war? That's definitely new. Stay safe. Remember. I love you always.

You called Mingi and told him that you were taking up the mantle of Khonshu's fist once more since Sekhmet was out and about killing people. Mingi disagreed at first but once you gave him the lowdown of what was happening, he reluctantly let you be.

After all, if a god can bleed, that truly meant no one is safe.

After sending a quick message back to Mingi, you put your phone away. Just in time as well since Marc told you over comms that he saw a suspicious silhouette enter an empty alleyway. You nodded and slinked into the shadows to follow the path until you reached the alleyway. You and Marc met up and you looked around the alleyway to see where this person had gone. You were baffled.

"Little sis. I swear I saw someone enter here." Marc claimed. You were about to say something when you saw a hand shoot out from the shadows.

"MARC, LOOK OUT!"

Too late. When Marc turned around, that hand grabbed your brother's neck and squeezed tightly. You got out your weapon and pointed it at the person that was lurking in the shadows.

"Show yourself! Before I show you the proper way to make a god bleed."

A dark chuckle echoed in the shadows as the person stepped out. You faltered for a moment before regaining your focus on Sekhmet's human disguise.

She picked a rather good one to say the least.

The man was dressed in black from head to toe and the suit clung to his burly body well. Bright orange eyes faded into a piercing dark brown and his jaw stayed clenched in both anticipation and aggression. Light brown hair was parted down the middle and styled in a way that made one side longer than the other. Almost like side swept bangs. The hand that was choking Marc was stained with blood.

"You dare defy a goddess such as I? You truly must be mistaken... Spector."

His voice was soft yet held such malice and venom. As he squinted his eyes at you, he stepped closer. You adjusted your weapon's position so it was pointed at his heart.

"Don't come any closer, Sekhmet. Let my brother go now."

"Why bother with my official name? You can simply call me... Jongho."

You narrowed your eyes at this Jongho man suspiciously. You never wavered as he stepped even closer. He was almost nose to nose with you yet he kept his distance.

"Fine. Answer me this then, Jongho. Why are you out here killing people left and right? Did you grow bored of living that mundane life with your husband and son? Yeah I know my history. Not all humans are dumb."

Jongho chuckled and finally let your brother go. He was gasping for air harshly and went beside you for better protection.

"Careful, sis. His hand strength is no joke. I thought my windpipe was going to get crushed!" He coughed and wheezed while Jongho rolled his eyes.

"You humans are so weak. You should be lucky that I let you go, other Spector." He growled and you swear the growl of a lioness as he spoke.

"As for you, I'll agree to disagree. Now that you've seen what I look like and what I can do, it's best that you stay out of my way. I want nothing to do with you nor the young god that occupies himself with the moon and his own silly version of justice."

You shook your head and pressed the tip of your sword to Jongho's heart a little bit harder.

"Oh we definitely will stay out of your way. No one could ever defeat a powerful goddess such as you. However, since you happen to be taking random human lives like back then, your presence, along with the bloodbath that trails behind you, has made you our concern. So while I'm being nice, you better tell us why you started killing humanity again."

What Marc, Steven, Khonshu, and Mingi admired about you most was your ability to stay calm, courteous, and polite even when faced with a deadly goddess. Despite the weapon raised at him, Jongho admired your professional bravery.

You definitely weren't afraid of death.

Jongho sighed lightly and raised his bloodied hands in surrender. Marc's eyes widened with surprise, Steven must've been cheering you on from the sidelines, and from a distance, Khonshu was relieved and shocked when he saw the deity surrender to you.

"I know that blade you carry can definitely hurt a god or goddess. Plus, your tone is rather respectful for someone who is a vigilante and has their weapon raised at me. For that, I will allow cooperation. I ask that you do not kill me."

"Even if I was allowed to, I can't. Your death would mean that humanity has free reign to do whatever they want without consequence. Ra, your father, created you for a reason. Even though you are mainly neutral, we need someone like you to keep that balance in check. So I won't kill you. However, I will hurt you if you step out of line."

A faint smile appeared on Jongho's face and you somewhat found his gummy smile adorable.

For a deadly goddess, she sure picked a cute looking man to disguise herself in.

"You truly are something else, Spector. Allow me to formally apologize for the bloodshed that has occurred as I continue to walk this Earth. As I said, I will allow cooperation. There is a reason why I have resorted to my ancient killing sprees."

You nodded, indicating that you, along with Marc, are listening to the ancient goddess. Jongho sighed and put his hands down. The anger and aggression that was once in his eyes turned into sadness, despair, and worry.

"Contrary to what you might think, I have not grown tired of the family life that I've established with my husband and son. I am happy to be a mother. In fact, I live on this very Earth with them. To humanity, we are two men that have adopted a beautiful young boy. I was out one day doing a bit of grocery shopping when I got a call from my husband. I figured that it would just be a regular phone call. But..."

Jongho's face darkened as he continued to speak.

"I heard cries for help. Both from him and my son. A grimy voice had ahold of my husband's cellular device and said something about delivering money in exchange for their lives. How greedy must humans be to kidnap innocent people just for green pieces of paper that hold value?! It makes me sick!"

As Jongho said that, he punched the brick wall behind him. A giant hole was left in the wall and he sighed in frustration as he shook his bloodied hand to get rid of any remnants left on his knuckles.

You swear you heard Khonshu whimper in fear from a distance.

You were going to tease him later about that.

"I understand now. You were trying to track down the people that kidnapped your family. When they gave you nothing or refused to answer, that's when you decided to kill them."

"You do?"

The goddess's manly voice was twinged with softness and care. You smiled to yourself on how motherhood had changed her throughout all this time.

"I'm not a mother myself, but I understand how important it is to protect your family. If you allow me, I will help you in making sure you guys are reunited safe and sound."

Jongho smiled once more and reached out to hug you. You were thrown way the fuck off as he hugged you so gently. Marc looked away and whistled awkwardly. When the beefy man let you go, he looked down at you.

"Thank you. I will let you know any details that might help."

"Sounds great."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So now we're going to save her family? Or his... I don't bloody know any more!"

Steven was trying to wrap his mind around the turn of events as the five of you drove down an empty street. You were currently on your way to the location where the goddess's family was being held hostage. Jongho chuckled at Steven's confusion.

"Young man, you may wish to address in any way possible. I have learned how to adapt to these changes. For example, in my human disguise, my pronouns are he/him. In my original goddess form, my pronouns are she/they. It is the year 2024. I may be an old goddess, but I keep up with the times."

The thought of an ancient goddess using pronouns made you smile. Times have definitely changed.

As you approached the location, which was just an abandoned warehouse, you turned around and laid down the plan to all of them. Marc and Steven agreed, Khonshu had some stupid questions, and Jongho simply nodded patiently. Once everyone had their weapons and powers set, you all exited the car and made your way inside the warehouse.

It was showtime.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was probably the easiest mission you and Marc have ever done in your entire life, especially with Sekhmet by your side.

Sekhmet dropped her human disguise and fought off the henchmen as herself, leaving you to be in awe at the way that she moves as she fights.

Khonshu swore he fell in love with Sekhmet. Another thing to add to the list of things to tease the moon god about.

Finally, you approached the mastermind behind this stupid kidnapping. You grew tired of his monologue so you sent Sekhmet, disguised as Jongho once more, to go in and snap his neck, to which he did easily.

After he dropped dead, you sent Marc and Khonshu to do a final sweep of the warehouse while you went with Jongho into the dark room that his family was in. Jongho held up a small flame in his hand and rose it to the air. The flame lifted from his palm and turned into a ball of light so the dark room finally lit up. He saw his family cowering in the corner and walked to them slowly.

"Hi, honey. I'm here."

Jongho's husband and son threw themselves into his arms and they cried tears of joy as they were reunited with him. Your heart swelled with adoration at the sight unfolding in front of you. The son must've noticed your presence since he saw you and hid away shyly. Jongho chuckled and patted his head.

"Come, little one. Say hi. This is Y/N Spector, one of Khonshu's old Moon Knights."

You waved politely while the child said hello quickly and quietly. Jongho's husband lifted his head and walked over to you before grabbing your hand and shaking it.

"Hello. My name is Ptah. I am the Egyptian god of creation. However, on this Earth, you may call me Yeosang."

The history books weren't lying when they said that Ptah was handsome.

Ptah's human disguise as Yeosang was utterly breathtaking.

Short wavy black hair, a statue-like face, a lean body with a bit of muscle, and a unique birthmark that was depicted as a pink splotch near the corner of his right eye.

"The child that is currently hiding behind my wife, or husband I should say, is Nefertum. His human name is Youngjae."

"It's nice to meet you both. Now come along. Let's take you guys home. Marc and Khonshu finished sweeping the area. It's clear."

The three of them nodded and followed you out of the warehouse.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you guys arrived at Jongho's flat, you told Marc and Khonshu to stay in the car while you went up with the family to make sure they were safe. While Yeosang and Youngjae went inside the bathroom to get cleaned up, Jongho stayed out in the living room, washing his hands and scrubbing off the blood that caked up on his knuckles.

"Thank you once again for your help, Y/N. I am in debt to you."

"No need to thank me, Jongho. Even though this will be my last time to ever be a Moon Knight, this was certainly a mission worth carrying out."

Jongho smiled as he dried his hands clean and stepped closer to you before leaning in and kissing your forehead.

"The next time we cross paths, it'll be on a normal circumstance. For now, I bid you farewell."

"I hope so as well."

"Are you sure you don't want me to heal those cuts for you?"

"It's ok, Jongho. Go ahead and be with your family, I'll be fine."

Jongho smiled once more before waving goodbye and watching you leave his flat. When you entered the car again, you saw Khonshu leaning his head back in embarrassment while Marc and Steven endlessly teased him. As you started the car and drove home, you joined in.

"Hey, you old bird. Did you like the way Sekhmet moved in battle even though she fucked you up?"

"SHUT UP!"

#newworldnet #blossomnet #ateez #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #moon knight

[aidenlydia]

I have seen that you are very open about supporting trans people and that your pronouns are they/them. How were you able to understand that you were trans? (If you are.) I've honestly felt so confused lately and don't have anyone I can ask about this. I love your ftm ghost art. I think it is amazing. I just don't know what to do or how I'll ever be able to figure out myself. Totally not your job but was curious if you had advice.

Not sure how helpful this will be, because my trans experience is deeply interlinked with my Dissociative Identity Disorder and Autism, so I'm sorry if this is a bit confusing.

What is Dissociative Identity Disorder

Dissociative Identity Disorder - Terms and Definitions

Autism and Gender

The reason why I go by they/them is because we're literally multiple people. Our two Hosts Aiden and Lydia (aka the alters interacting most with the world outside of our own head) are a man and a woman. We spend all our time together, sharing a body and the control over it.

We used to go by he/she, but people would only view us as a girl because of our body, so we switched to they/them. It makes more sense and feels better to be acknowledged together instead of Aiden being left out all the damn time.

Now bear with me here.

Though Lydia is a cis women, she grew up never belonging anywhere because we're autistic, so she feels like an imposter and a fraud when trying to connect to her feminity. Most days we barely feel human at all because we've been othered all our life. But she still views herself as a woman - motherhood in particular is a big important part of her.

Aiden is a trans man, but he doesn't mind our feminine body and doesn't plan on getting surgery ever. Testosterone maybe, but even that isn't super important to him at the moment. To him knowing he's a man is enough, passing isn't a priority at all. And because all of our Littles are girls he's rather protective of their body - any kind of medical procedure would cause a lot of fear in them.

He realized he's trans because he preferred a male name for himself, short hair and male clothing. It happened very quickly because exploring gender has never been an issue for us, it's fun and simply felt comfortable.

We do have two Agender Alters, but they don't come out in our regular daily life. They don't feel like anything really, they're deeply connected to nature and just want to exist as genderless beings, so they prefer not taking control of our body. It feels peaceful not being put into a box or defined by gender expectations and whatever other bullshit the world comes up with.

In the past we used to have another trans male Host, but he was suffering deeply from gender dysphoria. He couldn't stand the sight of our body or existing in it and became very self destructive about it. Until one day he just stopped coming out and hasn't been back since.

Before I even realized I had DID, gender wasn't really a concept to me. Same with names, it just didn't make sense to me why someone couldn't just change their name if they didn't like the one their parents gave them for whatever reason. I think of people as people, not boys and girls. Sure there are physical differences, but the meanings/genderroles we attributed to them are completely made up.

Folks love nagging me about how I draw my Ghost, but the truth is he can walk around looking like a cis girl and still be a man, I truly dgaf. So what if he's smaller and more delicate looking next to that big bear of a captain, that doesn't make him any less of a man.

The best advice I can give is you don't need to label yourself if you don't want to. You can experiment and just see what feels good. Maybe you'll find a label or make a plan along the way, but don't feel pressured to.

Common things people do is try out a different name, change their pronouns, create and play as video game characters of the opposite gender/sex (or gender non-conforming in general), listen to trans playlists/musicians, shop clothes/stuff in the other section (including underwear or things like jewelry ect), read books or watch movies about different kinds of trans characters, watch video essays about trans topics, create OCs or sonas, look at trans art and watch/read about other people's trans journeys.

Of course there are "what's my gender identity" tests you can take too, idk how helpful those are but I guess they can give you a bit more insight and maybe make you ask questions that you haven't asked yourself before.

Lastly here's a list of gender identities and definitions that might be beneficial to have a look at, as well as my trans resource list I put together last month about what can be done to change your gender in various ways

#trans resources

[pixelyssa]

Bye I am acc desperate atp I need helpppp

Basically I go on holidays mid July and I just know the food will be so tempting (and I’m so scared of letting myself go) and my family will obvs notice if I don’t have anything but I also want to have a nice time 😭 what do I doooo??!!

And even if i eat small amounts of things I’ve no clue how many c@ls would be in them

I will be so so grateful for any tips or advice u have!! 💓

ily stay safe bb 🩵

hey! if i was in this situation i would just heavily r3strict for the week before. that way the vacation will be like a reward. ofc thats probably not good to advise you to do 😭

maybe instead of that, you can up your workouts and make sure all of ur meals/snacks are nutritional (get ur proteins and ur veggies) vs f00ds with just sugar and sodium. and that can help u have the energy to up ur workouts too.

u said you might “let urself go” no honey, its not a choice… its brain chemistry. if ur thinking about the f00d ur gonna be having over a month from now… youre in deep. you won’t “let yourself go”. youll be anxious either way. youre not gonns get used to e@ting normal and then just stick with it, even if h do youll slowly become obsessed with ur image again soon and go back to ur ways.. thats the fuck of it all… might as well ENJOY ur vacay.

it would rlly suck to go in vacation and be trying to guess the c4lories in everything, and ordering what u think is the lightest option. you should e@t what you want.

you can still r3strict certain f00d groups. if i was going on vacay with my family theyd buy snacks for the hotel or wherever we’d be staying. i would avoid those, bc i would normally avoid them at home.

going out to restaurants id do the same thing i do at home when i go to restaurants, order something that sounds good so i can enjoy myself, whether its a salad or a big mf burger lol. and i eat till im full. (if u dont have that sense, leaving 1/2 or 1/4 of the meal on the plate is a good measurement.)

if theres an appetizer, i have maybe a bite of each one and say im saving room for dinner, (my family and friends know i get full easily) & same goes with dessert. if it looks rlly good ill have a bite, but since i ordered what i WANTED for dinner, im satisfied before a dessert comes out and i play it off that im full.

i would probably figure out what we’re doing for food and decide what is most worth it to me and save my c4ls for that.

id also make a list of things i wanna enjoy. for example: my trip to nyc i wanted to try

-new york pizza

-a pastry and latte from the cafe next to my hotel

-a martini

-something fried from a food truck

-any non american food restaurant (italian, french, idk)

-a croissant from this popular cafe in times square

and i just kinda rationed it out. i remember my bf wanted to go for a walk, i new we’d pass the bakery, so i pointed it out and indulged there. got a matcha tea and a macaroon & then played off being full until dinner and chose something light (i think i made us get sushi that night which is pretty low in c4l) another day, we took the metro to soho and we walked around ALL day, so by the time we got back to the hotel it was late. we ordered the pizza i wanted to try… and i didnt care bc i had 20k steps done. i was still able to have everything i wanted the whole time, i just r3strictied the things that werent on my list.

idk what kind of vacation ur going on but a lot of them call for lots of walking, so thats a plus. you will not g4in that much. thats why i said id go crazy a week before, so that i dont feel like im g4ining it just feels like its fluctuating normally.

either way if u let urself enjoy it atleast ur metabolism will get faster! (im toxic) lol metab week(s?) ❕

me and my bf are planning a 2 week trip to europe. 2 weeks before we go i would push myself to burn way more c4l than normal. and i wouldn’t w3igh myself in that time. in 2 weeks i could lose like 4Ibs and not even know, that way when i get back from vacation and ive g4ined 3Ibs i wouldnt even notice. then life goes back to normal!

i hope that makes sense, and i hope its not too much. i really hope u enjoy ur vacation & can allow urself to enjoy a few of the f00ds wherever ur going. 🩷

#@n@ diary #@na motivation #@na vent #th1nsp1ration #tw 3d vent #⭐️rving #⭐️ve #3d f4st #3d not sheeran #@na rules #4n@diary #4n4t1ps #4n4blr #@n@ tips #⭐️ ing motivation

[eldritchqueerture]

hi hello, back on da bullshit

@lighthouseshepard not sure if you want me to keep tagging you, so doing it just in case 💜

---

Getting ready for bed was, again, a quiet affair. The air between them felt tense, full of unspoken expectations that John didn’t know how to parse. He didn’t know how much descriptions Arthur now required of him, and he found it was a lot harder to tell where the man was directing his attention, watching him from a third person perspective. Was he supposed to… perform as a human now? Did he even know how to do that? He’d watched plenty of humans act out more or less meaningless tasks and gestures, but how did they know which ones were the right ones at any given time?

 But that he could figure out later. Right now, Arthur was far away from him (on the other side of the wall, in the bathroom), separate from him in a way he had never been before, and John suddenly realized, sitting at the edge of one of the beds, that what he was feeling was grief. It was the same thing that he had felt when he saw Arthur thrust Kayne’s dagger into his own throat and knew that the only way to save his life was to give himself over to the King and probably never see Arthur again; the same thing he’d felt for so long in the Dark World when the memories of his time on Earth and in the Dreamlands returned.

He was grieving the loss of Arthur.

He grimaced at himself, frowning at the irrationality of it. He hadn’t lost Arthur, he hadn’t lost anything – fuck, he literally gained a body, and with it the autonomy to do whatever the fuck he pleased. He could finally live a life of his own, without being dependent on Arthur to agree with him.

So why did it hurt so much?

The sound of water from the shower quieted and John waited, motionless, listening to Arthur softly muttering to himself at times, unable to parse the words. Eventually he emerged, already dressed in his sleep clothes, passing a hand along the wall.

“This is,” he spoke with a self-conscious laugh, “Significantly more difficult without you around.”

“I could help next time,” John offered without really thinking it through. Arthur raised his eyebrows slightly, a look of surprise morphing into embarrassment, and then into a carefully blank smile.

“Yeah, maybe,” he replied half-heartedly. John tucked whatever nauseating feelings that had elicited in him into a secure pocket of his mind, to be examined later, or perhaps never if he was lucky. “Uh, if you could direct me to the bed...”

“Right, yes. Forward a couple feet and then on the left, yes.”

“Thank you.” Arthur sighed as he sank down onto the mattress. “Fuck. That ritual really took it out of me.”

John hummed sympathetically, not looking at him. The way their beds were placed along the wall, sitting here, his back was towards Arthur. John had found that as long as he didn’t look back and they were both silent, he could pretend he was still in Arthur’s body, about to lay to rest like they always had. He didn’t know what to think of that desire.

“John?” Arthur asked, none the wiser of his inner torment.

“Yes?”

“Are you just sitting there?”

He realized he was. As obvious as this perhaps should have been, he realized he would also now require sleep.

He followed Arthur’s usual steps in preparing for bed and crawled under the covers after switching off the light. Arthur was still sat on his bed, following the sound of his movements with his head.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked after John had stopped moving. “You’ve been really quiet.”

John stared at the ceiling, trying to think of an answer that wasn’t a contradiction to everything he had said he wanted. Arthur had been right – even now all the physical sensations of textures and smells were less pronounced, easier to ignore. The one thing that bothered him the most, like a sharp splinter in the wound driving itself deeper and deeper with each passing moment, was the distance between him and Arthur. The way his voice sounded so far away and not right next to his ears. The way he would be able to just walk away from him now – and if John didn’t pay enough attention, he wouldn’t even notice.

“I suppose I’m just thinking about what comes next,” John said, not entirely untruthful. “Now, that we’re...”

“Yes, that’s a good question,” Arthur mused. “We have to consider what we want to do. I do want to pay Daniel a visit. And Marie! It will be good to see her again. And—And Noel... Maybe we could give him a call,” Arthur sighed. “I hope he made it out okay.”

John hummed in agreement.

“Well, either way,” Arthur continued. “Right now, we just need to sleep, all that is tomorrow’s worries. Are you...” he hesitated and let out a huff, apparently discarding the question he wanted to ask. Instead, he just quietly said, “Goodnight, John.”

John gripped the cold sheets tight in his fists, trying not to think of Arthur lying all too far away from him; of the fact that he couldn’t watch over him while he was asleep as well. Yet thoughts still crept to him like predators in the dark – did Arthur cradle his left hand to his chest like he usually did? Was he as acutely aware that it no longer belonged to John, as he himself was? Did it even matter to him that when he did that, he cradled John’s entire being to himself, and now...

His eyes started to sting, and he directly commanded himself to cut that strand of thought. He turned to the side facing Arthur, but in the dark, he could barely see the outline of his body under the covers. His chest tightened as he closed his eyes and willed his breath to slow. “Goodnight, Arthur.”

John’s first sleep was a fitful one. He couldn’t recall any dreams for all his wondering about what they felt like, but he woke up a few times during the night, with his heart beating fast, surprised at the number of limbs he could now move. Then, he’d be frantically checking for Arthur before memory caught up to him, and he’d sag back into bed with relief.

Not long after dawn, he finally gave up on trying to fall back asleep. Arthur was sleeping like a rock, and John wasn’t going to deprive him of this rare opportunity to rest. Instead, he got dressed and looked about the room.

Nothing really caught his interest as anything that could provide him with entertainment, aside from the window overlooking the entrance to the hotel. As he got closer to look out, he saw a family of four get out of the cab and walk into the hotel, the smaller child sleepily holding onto their mother.

Suddenly he wished for nothing more than to be able to go out there, experience the crisp, morning air on his face and listen to the slowly growing sounds of the city with his own ears. He looked back at Arthur – surely nothing would happen to him in this hotel room, right? No one knew they were here; Larson was dealt with, no one should be on their tail. There was no reason as to why John would have to sit here and wait for him to wake up – after all that was the reason for their separation, right? He was no longer bound to Arthur; he could just as well benefit from it.

He put on his jacket and, after a brief consideration, took out two bills from their wallet. With a last look back at Arthur – who hadn’t even so much as stirred – John left the room.

The hotel wasn’t busy at this hour. The only people he passed were the staff, who politely wished him a good morning. Only at the door did he realize he could have said it back.

The morning air felt chilly on his skin. He took a deep breath, smelling the exhaust fumes in the wind – not the most pleasant, but he’d take it. The streets were still mostly quiet, quite the contrast to the bustling city they had seen during the day.

He crossed the street and started walking forward, not really thinking where it would take him. He watched the shop clerks set up their stands and people hurrying off to work or run some other errands with a giddy feeling in his stomach. He realized he might get hungry now and frowned at the prospect of food. Arthur did seem to enjoy eating most of the time, but John could scarcely believe shoving things in his mouth like an animal would be that much of an exciting activity.

He walked for some time, taking in the unravelling landscape of the city. More people appeared on the streets as time went by, in automobiles, or horse-drawn carriages, and the combined sounds of it all created a sort of music in John’s ears that he could honestly get used to. The giddy feeling intensified, putting a soft smile on his face.

On the other side of the street, he saw a clothes shop that caught his attention. Spurred by a sudden impulse, he directed his steps there and entered, the little bell above the door happily announcing his arrival.

“Just a moment, be with you in a second!” Came from the backroom – a voice of a man by John’s estimations. He was glad to have a moment to look around before he was forced to interact – a little nervousness made him feel slightly jittery.

Looking around the shop, there were various shirts, pants, overcoats and accessories on display. His eyes were immediately drawn by a brown tie, laced with a golden thread. He brought a hand up to feel it between his fingers – the fabric was cool and smooth, and he could feel the lines of the thread under the pads of his fingers.

“Morning, good sir, what can I do for you?” The man appeared from the backdoor, and John jerked his hand back. He was older than Arthur, greying on top, with a big smile on his face. He spoke with a slight accent to his words, though John could not quite place it.

“I was just…” John faltered looking back to the tie.

“Interested in the ties? Anything specific you’re looking for?” He asked and approached John and the selection, rifling through the display to show him as much as he could. “The blue ones are especially in season, I find, though these red ones would positively fit you, sir.”

John did not especially care for the idle chatter, having his sights firmly on the first one he saw. He reached to show it to the shopkeeper.

“How much for this one?”

“Oh, that is a fine choice. I command your refined taste.” The man nodded with approval. “May I recommend a shirt to go with it as well? I have a perfect one to match—”

The whole affair took longer than John would expect. He refused the shirt the man had offered but ended up buying a hat. He also told him to keep the change, as he’d seen Arthur do many times, and a glimpse of a more genuine smile appeared on the man’s face.

After fixing the tie on his neck and bidding the shopkeeper goodbye, John exited to the street, feeling strangely more like himself. With the giddy feeling returning to his chest, he directed his steps back.

He returned to the hotel in good spirits, considering his lack of sleep and the general unfamiliarity with this physical form. It did seem like the longer he spent like this, the more comfortable he felt in his skin, so to speak. There was, however, a pit in his stomach at the prospect of speaking with Arthur, though he could not tell why.

The pit suddenly grew, swallowing every other feeling he might have felt, at the sight of the hotel room being empty.

Arthur’s bed was unmade, but that spoke to nothing as he usually didn’t bother with that unless they were leaving permanently. His bag and clothes were gone, however, and the worry grew as John searched the bathroom just to be sure. Arthur wasn’t there – that much was obvious – but with some relief he noted lack of any blood as well. Perhaps he saw John had gone out and went to look for him – blind, without anyone to guide him.

John cursed himself quietly and went out of the room. He made his way down by the stairs, making sure to glance through every floor. Downstairs, he spotted a receptionist – perhaps he would have seen Arthur.

“Excuse me,” he spoke. “Have you seen my friend? He’s thin, shorter than me—”

“Yes!” The man exclaimed. “He was just asking about you. He should be over there, by the telephone.”

John looked over at where the man pointed, and sure enough Arthur stood there, looking around blindly like an idiot. Without further comments to the hotel clerk, he made his way to him and grabbed his arms.

Arthur yelped in surprise at his strong grip. “What? I—”

“Arthur,” John growled at Arthur’s gasp. “Shut up, it’s me.”

“J-John?”

“Yes! What were you thinking, leaving like that?”

Arthur flinched slightly as if he’d been struck, his brows knitting in anger. “Me? You left!”

“Yes, but I can see. You could have gotten hurt or—”

“What, so just because I can’t see I don’t get to leave the fucking room while you wander off wherever you want?”

Arthur’s words were a quiet hiss, but they were starting to draw attention to themselves. John’s grip on Arthur’s arms tightened.

“People are staring at us,” he pointed out.

“Where’s the door?” Arthur asked angrily.

“In front of us, the other side of the room.”

They hurried outside, John keeping his grip on one of Arthur’s arms, barely keeping himself from dragging him faster. As soon as they were outside, John directed Arthur towards a back alley, mostly out of sight.

“What the fuck, Arthur,” John breathed out.

“Don’t ‘what the fuck’ me,” Arthur snarled. “Where the fuck have you been?”

“Out,” he replied. “I can move on my own now.”

“You could’ve also fucking told me.”

“You could have waited for me instead of going out there, blind.” Unwittingly, John’s fingers dug into Arthur’s arms. “I can’t guide you if I’m not there, remember?”

“I don’t fucking need you to guide me all the time.” Arthur tried to push John’s arms away but lacked the strength to do so. He exhaled through gritted teeth. “Let go of me.”

For a moment John felt the urge to fight. He wanted to pin Arthur to the wall, grab both of his wrists with one hand just because he could now; strip him of any control so that he would stop going out and putting himself in danger. He wanted to dig his fingers into Arthur’s flesh until they were coated in his blood, until they were one again so that he wouldn’t disappear from John’s sight.

That moment of hesitation had sparks of fear, however subtle, bloom in Arthur’s eyes.

“Let. Me. Go,” he hissed.

At once John let go of his arms as if burned and took a step back. Arthur did the same, his back hitting the wall. He stumbled but regained his balance quickly.

“You don’t get to control me just because you have a body now,” Arthur spoke shakily but intently. “Just as you didn’t get to control this body when you were in my head, you fucking monster.”

“I…” John frowned, breathing heavily.

“I don’t fucking need you and you don’t need me anymore,” Arthur continued. “So, if you want to leave, then leave.”

“Oh, fuck you, Arthur,” John spat out.

“Then we’re in agreement,” Arthur laughed mirthlessly and turned around towards the hotel. “Fuck this.”

John watched as Arthur followed the wall, quite confidently. How much of that was actual spatial awareness and how much was pure spite he could not tell, but he would lie if he said the way Arthur stumbled near the door didn’t bring him a bit of sick satisfaction. He turned and walked in the other direction, spurred on by anger and other feelings that coiled in his chest like maggots, festering and writhing.

#malevolent #niki.writes #malevolent podcast #malevolent fanfic #john doe #arthur lester #jarthur #private eyes

[candeathbereal]

Astro Observations (Synastry)

-The moon is such an important thing to consider in astrology you know why? Besides it being a big deal with how you express yourself emotionally and general stuff connected so intensely to you, but our experiences and emotions really connect us as humans so certain things just don't vibe well with certain people due to those experiences and such.

For example, I know two people who basically have almost the same big six (their Suns, Mercury, Venus, and Mars are all conjunct) but the only difference is their moon signs. One has a Cancer moon while the other has a Gemini moon (so close to having the same moon right?!) Now the core difference for me and how I interact with the two is fairly different. Especially since I have a Virgo moon and that is a consistent thing for me (I have a Virgo moon in both tropical and sidereal because of how degrees work and such) let's use tropical for this tho just cause I feel more knowledgeable on that as opposed to sidereal (it's a work in progress for sure). Anyways my moon is at the 28' 28' degree in Virgo and I have a Leo rising. So with whole sign synastry overlays Gemini would land in my 11th house whereas cancer would land in my 12th house. That by itself makes me have an interesting vibe with cancer placements as a whole and moon is not exactly at it's best in the twelfth house. I'll also include that these two are people I work with.

Anyways, in my personal experience cancer moons have not been the greatest to have an experience with (for me) since there is always a chance of their moon being squared my moon (degrees are important imo) and if they square my moon they will most likely square my Mercury and my Venus. Plus in the 12th house....tough shit. In the 11th house I think helps simmer down the agony and torture that this synastry aspects could cause. (Again degrees matter)

Back to what I was talking about earlier though. With the gemini moon they trine my moon and sextiles my mercury and my venus whereas the cancer moon person squares my moon, venus, and mercury. Not great stuff and it doesn't help that their suns are opposite my mercury and venus (with the gemini moon it's a mutual for sun opposite mercury but not venus since their venus is in a different sign than their mercury). It isn't all too bad but there is a difference in my interactions with the both of them. Surprisingly enough I have an easier time casually talking to the cancer moon as opposed to maybe the Gemini moon but I'm a horrible talker already with people. I'll also add that even though I have an easier time talking to the cancer moon....I do prefer talking to myself or others if possible (nothing really against them it truly is because I am more of a loner than apparently most people) I don't know either one of their rising signs so that probably does something maybe idk. Now with placidus the gemini moon would be in my 10th house whereas the cancer moon is in my 11th house. But if we went with whole sign then gemini moon would be in my 11th house and cancer moon in my 12th house. Of course 12th house isn't known for being a great house overlay for synastry (for most at least), but for me it's rough...

Another thing I want to add is that in my experience a lot of aspects in your natal chart will affect how aspects in synastry will act out. Which goes into my next point is that my natal moon opposes my mercury and venus so I think that is a contributing factor to why it's 'easier' to talk to the cancer moon as opposed to the gemini moon. I know that doesn't make too much sense.

Let me include their placements since I'm about to wrap this up.

Sun and mercury: Libra

Venus: Leo

Mars: Sag

Anyways I might talk about this more another time but I would love to know you guy's thoughts.

Side note: I have figured out one of their rising signs so I will be posting about that and post a link here

#astrology #astro #astrology observations #astro observations #astro posts #astrology synastry #synastry