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bambooshuohuop · 27 days

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in which, Zhongli takes care of you when sudden pains go through your body. yet when you keep being careless and neglect your health, he may or may not run out of patience. who knows how extreme he'll get just so you remember?

tags: fluff, short fic, zhongli being a lovely menace, health, nursing back to health, married relationship, sick!reader (not rlly), lowercase

; this is an idea inspired by my own pains :'). take care of your health, everyone!!

you should've known that your working habits will come to bite you back one day. sitting on a stiff chair for hours, unsupported back hunched unless you crack it back to stretch, your water intake barely existing, and the unhealthy habits of your meal times. all of which took a toll on your mortal body.

only when you start to get sick does it dawn on you how weak your immune system is.

of course, your complexion was something that bothered Zhongli. you were quite pale. in fact, when he was still courting you- he was already a worrywart about your health. if his work permitted him a freetime, he will absolutely take the chance to nurse you.

now your husband, his worry became tenfold. back when he was still single, Zhongli barely uses his paid vacation from work. but due to your carelessness, he began to use them frequently.

❛love, haven't I told you to stretch at least twice a day?❜ he mutters one evening, setting a cup of tea infront of you.

❛I knooowww.❜ you drag off, feeling your whole back ache as you sat idly on a chair. you heard your lover sigh in disappointment, yet you felt his presence coming up from behind— gentle hands gliding from your shoudler blades as he massages them.

❛but I just needed to finish some paperwork. I was so into it, too!❜

❛darling,❜ he calls out softly, ❛those are just some things that can be extended over a period of time. your health is more important than—❜

❛I know, Zhongli. I'm really sorry.❜ you mutter, feeling your muscles loosen as you slowly relax under his hold. you already know his sermon spiels that's about to come out of his mouth. you didn't mean to cut him off, but you've been so tired today. a lecture from your husband isn't really what you need right now.

unbeknownst to you, he was beginning to lose patience. something that never happened before. he was an old god after all, experiences shaped him to be patient and wise. a truly benevolent god befitting for Liyue.

yet when he hears that tone for the nth time. his patience can just snap. not at you but for you. here he was, your husband fretting over your mortal body. you can just disappear from his grasp at anytime. and no matter how much he tries to deny his worry, he does feel scared of losing you.

though here you are, not a shred of care for your own health.

Zhongli knew that falling in love with you will result in a bittersweet relationship. cut short by time taking away the liveliness of your soul. so when he keeps hearing the same apologies over and over with no absolute change done by yourself alone. Zhongli guesses it's time to do things as your husband. he vowed to take care of you after all.

he will help you. even if you do not want to.

❛w- wait! Zhongli, that hurts!❜

❛hm?❜ snapping out of his stupor, he felt you move away from his hands as you whined audibly. your hands weakly attempting to massage your sore back. he had realized that he may have accidentally pressed too hard on the sore spots.

oops.

...but well, you do need absolute help, right?

❛oh darling,❜ Zhongli tugs you back on the chair, a sweet smile adorning his face.

oddly enough, you felt a cloud of doom looming over your head by his expression.

❛I did a research yesterday on how to sooth away your stiff shoulders. it has to be like that.❜

❛what?!❜ you basically screeched, forcing your body to scoot away from the devil, ❛you just made that up!❜

❛the books do not lie, darling. now come here, so that I may nurse you back to health.❜

❛w- wait Zhongli, i'm really sorry—!❜

suffice to say, from that day onwards you learn to never piss off Zhongli (even if he doesn't say it out loud). much less the ex-archon of your nation.

forgetting to drink water? now you drink at least 2 Liters a day from the large water bottle your husband had kindly gifted you.

hunched back? don't worry, he had made you a schedule (merging with your work time) to stretch your body every 30 mins. if it truly does hurt to do it by yourself, he'll personally come and help you when he gets home. he recommends not to skip it, even when you're engrossed with your work lest you meet his wrath.

you know that he won't harm you. he loves his spouse too much to do that. however, he won't let you be without consequences and long hours of lecture if you disobey him.

eating times? expect a temporary house husband Zhongli to come to the rescue! prep meals are already by the dining table, all you need to do is heat them up.

❛Zhongli?❜

❛hm? what is it, dear?❜

❛.....thank you.❜

no matter how much jarring it is for the sudden change of schedule. you truly are grateful for such a doting husband. from then on, you try to be meticulous on your health, just so you wouldn't see the pout on his lips or the furrow on his brow worrying about you— even if it meant enduring to the cruel process of pain. (it's just a massage, you're being dramatic.)

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old-daemon-farts · 4 months

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Is daemonism safe?

Daemonism, when broken down to the bare minimum, is a mental and imaginative exercise. It's not meant to push yourself into anything potentially unhealthy. You are not forcing hallucinations and there shouldn't be any dissociation of identity or losing control of yourself.

Let's Start With Projection

Projection is applying mental images overlaid on your surroundings. It is using your imagination and relying on your ability to visualize outward what is being produced by your mind's eye. With practice, you can make your projections quite vivid, and after a while you may not even register that you are still seeing right through them. The apple exercise is a good example. Lets say you picture an apple on a plate in front of you, but the apple is fleeting and inconsistent. Its shape, colors, and size flickers rapidly or fizzles out entirely. You *know* it's not there. There's little presence or weight to it. If this was glass, it would be described as crystal clear. But, with practice, it becomes more consistent. You can now see one shade of red and the size remains the same. Perhaps you have even added details like a shadow. Now, if this was to be compared to glass it would be glass with a light tint added. You can still see right through it, but you also know something is there. You don't have to be a daemian to be able to project. Concept designers, artists, architects, althetes... projection is a type of visualization. It's a creative tool. It's not a hallucination, nor is it intended to be one.

Extreme vividness can be from hyperphantasia, but if you worry projecting may trigger or influence hallucinations then you are welcome to avoid it! Projection is fun, but not a requirement, and you should do what is most comfortable, healthy, and safest for you. Daemians who experience projection as hallucinations already have a history of them from what I have seen within the community.

Fronting and Dissociation

These are experiences usually seen within DID and other plural spaces. Daemonism doesn't focus on switching with your daemon, and you likely won't find resources specifically about it. Of course, you can switch who's in front, and some plural daemians may have advice for how to accomplish that, but again, that's not the point or focus of daemonism at large. They are usually hands off within our lives. We are the ones in the driver's seat while they are the backseat drivers giving us direction. They aren't expected to take the wheel from us. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to or being able to switch with your daemon, just to be clear. I'm only pointing out that getting daemons to front is not a priority like it is in other plural spaces. This is another reason daemonism is very easy to get into and something I consider much safer and easier to manage for the average Joe.

Dissociation isn't something that is associated with the daemon experience either. Dissociation *can* occur, but there are likely other reasons you would be experiencing these things and not just because you have a daemon. Dissociation from ADHD, stress, illness, or DID are just a few examples. Switching with your daemon could just be masking, or perhaps your mind is already comfortable sliding your daemon into front because you have DID. Again, if you are worried having a daemon could trigger dissociation or a loss of control then please do what is in the best interest for you. You know your health and history best. But, there a *many* daemians who are systems and quite happy and comfortable having daemons. Daemons have even been known to help with dissociation and sense of identity!

Talking to Yourself

Is 100% a normal, human experience. There's been a surge of exploration in self-talk and how it affects us, and talking to yourself in 2nd person even has proven benefits. You also don't *have* to talk out loud to your daemon; you can keep it all internal. Just know that splitting your own mental monologue into a dialogue isn't unhealthy and it's something many of you already do even without a daemon.

TLDR

You do only what you are comfortable with here. If something sounds risky, then don't do it. Daemonism is meant to be a healthy and fun activity.

You want to form find but not separate your daemon from yourself? Awesome.

You want to only talk to your daemon and avoid projection? Neato.

You want to project but not talk to your daemon? Perfect.

You want to learn how to switch with your daemon? We ain't really the community for that but you are free to if you are comfortable!

You do what's best for you. It's meant to fill whatever you need. Healthy mindset, growth, or just straight-up something fun to do.

Topic spawned from a question on Discord over the difference of imposition and projection as well as some differences between us and other techniques out there for headmate creation. Cleaned up and formatted better for Tumblr.

#daemonism #actually plural #endo safe #multiplicity #thoughtforms #dæmonism

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alpaca-clouds · 8 months

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How to Blow Up a Pipeline (or: why the climate movement is failing)

Okay, talking about politics this week, let me talk about this amazing book that you all should read, because it is not that long and it really makes a lot of good points. I found this book through the Philosophy Tube video a couple of years ago.

So, what is this book about?

To put it lightly: It is about how the climate movement is failing over their refusal to use any sort of violence or sabotage. And it is about the ethics of violence.

Which is not only important to the climate movement, but all sorts of progressive movements. Which again brings me back to what I talked about so many times before: Being against a revolution is being against change. And the left in general has a problem with idealizing parcifism to an unhealthy degree.

Let me explain: The left has in general very much drunken the cool-aid to accept that there is no violence happening right now, so using violence against the perceived non-violence is wrong. But that entire idea is bullshit.

Letting people starve, while there is enough food around for everyone, is a form of violence.

Letting people die of preventable deseases, because they cannot afford health care, is a form of violence.

Letting people die in extreme weather, just so that a few people can profit from fossil fuels... Well, that is a form of violence, too.

But left people - especially white, leftists - have very much accepted that non-action can never be violence. So, not giving someone the food they need, cannot be violence in their point of view. So, using violence to act against the system that lets this happen again and again... that is "out of proportion" in their point of view. Because they do not suffer themselves, they do not perceive the violence.

The book talks about how specifically the climate movement refuses to use any form of violence, even just in the form of sabotage, in which no human would ever come to harm. Which is why the title is "how to blow up a pipeline". Because blowing up a pipeline would harm those, who profit from climate change, from the fossil fuels. The book is also about how the climate movement then goes ahead to appropriate civil rights leaders, without really understanding the context they were in. Because they will name Martin Luther King, Ghandi or Nelson Mandela as examples of people who succeeded with non-violence, without acknowledging that all three of those leaders were leaders of a non-violent group that closely associated with a violent movement that aimed for the same changes. And through that contrast - of a violent group and a peaceful group with widespread support - the people in power were forced to make a move to work towards them to some degree.

Now, technically the book involved nothing new to me. Because I thought about this topic - about the ethics and visuals of violence - for a long while now. It also is fitting with the entire French Revolution thing I spoke about on Sunday. Because we see it in the judgement of the French Revolution as well. On how there a) was a peaceful group first, and b) the violence that happened, happened in response to other violence.

And as the book points out: The fossil fuel industry does not care. As a German I know this too well. And I think it is no accident that a lot of the examples of this in the book come from Germany. Our climate movement here is very tame. It is mostly just kids (like people between their teens and early twenties) doing protests in forms of blocking streets and the likes. Yet, the fossil lobby and those in power will call that "terrorism" and will call that one time when folks tore down a fence at the coal mine as "extreme violent behavior". They are doing massive and at times violent police action against those KIDS, who organize the street blockades. Having thrown literal teenagers into prison for at times weeks, before judges intervened clearly saying that "the kids have done nothing illegal".

They do not care that the movement is non-violent. And the movement will not get anywhere, without some group standing in and doing some damage to the most important thing those people can think of: Their base line.

#how to blow up a pipeline #climate movement #fridays for future #climate action now #anarchism #anti fossil fuels #protest #solarpunk

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human-encounters-diary · 10 months

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Day 15

We are set to arrive on Fendaar in two cycles. As we are currently stuck on the SIIR Noxos, I have concluded that the passages of time that I am free of duties would be best spent continuing to observe the human. The human, on the other hand, seemed to have different plans in that matter, as it took me an unusually long amount of time to locate her.

As I eventually found her, she seemed to be working on one of the control panels in the main control room, so I may excuse her absence with duties she had to attend to. As she saw me, although, she seemed rather…excited (this is obviously mere speculation, as the study of the Terran so far has provided far too little evidence to prove such theories)?

As she rolled out from under the control board and sighted me, her face once again split into a wide opening revealing her horrifying amount of teeth.

"Hey! Dude!", she said, raising to her full height and stepping towards me, still baring her teeth, although I did not recoil, as I did not want to seem impolite. She raised her arms, each pointing into a different direction, away from their connection to the human's body.

"Human Quinn. How are you?"

"Me? I‘m fine, the whole 'wandering around in space' thing just made me throw up, I honestly don‘t know why they insisted on keeping me there for two whole days."

The ends of her fingers, studded with claw-like (rather short and rounded instead of sharp, perhaps they were not meant to function as claws at all, or perhaps the beings on Terra were far different from what I knew, and therefore a shape like this was far more useful to hunt) protuberances, scraped over the back of the connection between her head and her upper body. If I interpreted her facial expression correctly, she seemed to be thinking.

"Maybe I got a light concussion too, I’m not entirely sure. But it's improbable, because I’m fine now."

I decided to focus on one piece of information at a time. "Well, this "throwing up" can certainly not be a healthy nor normal process, otherwise, it would not seem so violently painful and involuntary, would it?"

"Well it‘s not…unnatural, it‘s just something that can happen. And about health, it‘s not unhealthy, it usually helps us to get rid of stuff that is bad for our bodies!", she eludicated, moving one of her arms in a rather random manner.

"The scientists have concluded that this fluid is highly acidic. If this 'stuff' is so harmful to you, wouldn‘t it just dissolve in this fluid before being able to cause any further harm?"

Quinn seemed to think about that.

"Well, just because it gets dissolved, doesn‘t mean it‘s gone, you know? It's still in our bodies, and we have to get rid of it somehow. And if it needs to be fast, we throw up. Honestly, I‘d definitely explain this further to you, but Biology‘s never really been my strongest subject, ya know what I mean?"

I did not, in fact, know what she meant, but I decided against questioning her further.

After a pause the Terran spoke up again: "So, this planet we're landing on..." "Fendaar.", I clarified. "Right. So, this planet that we‘re going to, it‘s a desert, right?" "That is correct." "So, is it a sand, an ice or, I guess you could also count rock desert? 'Cuz on my planet, we‘ve got all of those types."

"Fendaar‘s ecosystem is mostly made up out of sandlike landscapes with rather scarce vegetation and biodiversity. Most of the planets in system 36-54 have rather extreme temperature ranges, and Fendaar is no exception.", I eludicated.

"Alright, cool.", she spoke, rolling back under the underside of the control panel she had been working on previously. She seemed to be sitting, or rather lying, on a piece of metal with four small wheels attached to it, allowing her to move it around.

"Your planet.", I initiated.

"Yeah?", she responded, while continuing her work on the wiring.

"Am I assuming correctly that your planet has a far bigger biodiversity?"

"Oh, yeah.", there was a small spring in her voice, as if she had let out air in the middle of speaking. "Big biodiversity. We‘ve got deserts and rainforests, coral reefs and permafrost - although perhaps not for that long anymore - mountain ranges and all that stuff."

"Interesting.", I supplied, for lack of a better response. If Terra had such differences in temperature and landscapes, it was a logical conclusion that the humans had evolved to survive under such circumstances.

"Yeah."

It was unusually quiet for some time. That was, until Quinn rolled out from the underside of the control panels.

"Alright, I‘m done." She took a deep breath before opening her mouth once again. Then, all of a sudden, the muscles of her face started contracting as if she was plagued by an invisible pain. Her eyes squeezed shut and she let out horrifying noise, holding an arm angled in front of her nose and mouth. The noise itself was not particularly loud or long, but I recoiled either way, as a measure of safety. I could not be certain if this gesture was meant to harm me, after all.

Quinn‘s arm sank down again as her other hand rubbed at her nose. She huffed, a sound far less threatening than the one she had produced a moment ago. One of the hair patches above her visual organs raised itself, prompting the question to arise if human hair was controlled by muscles or if it had a mind of its own, although this was a question that could be further investigated later. One of the corners of her mouth raised, revealing the seemingly sharpest teeth in her mouth.

"I guess dust is an inter-galactic thing, huh?"

I did not respond. Her face muscles contracted, causing the skin above her visual organs to crease.

"Hey, you okay? You‘re looking a little spooked over there."

"Human, I do not wish to cause you discomfort, but, if I may ask, what was the purpose of the noise you just uttered?"

She did not respond for a moment, blinking with both of her eyes as she stared at me. It was quite unsettling, considering her previous explanation, that most humans preferred not being stared at.

"I…sneezed?" The creases in the skin above her eyes deepened.

My front pliers uttered another rattling sound. "What is this 'sneezing'? What purpose does it serve?" I admit, I was quite curious. Terrans seemed much more complex than I had previously assumed.

She paused, seemingly to think of an answer. "Well, it‘s like…if something is bothering us at or in out nose, like dust, for example, it‘s kind of the natural response to that. To keep things out of our bodies that don‘t belong there."

"Human bodies seem to require a lot of defense mechanisms.", I commented.

She raised and lowered the connection of her arms to her upper body, baring her teeth once again while raising herself to her full height, using one of her arms as support.

"Y’know, it’s surprisingly hard to explain something you’re so used to to someone who’s never heard of it. I guess I still have to work on the whole 'awareness that I‘m around aliens' thing. S‘ kind of surreal."

She patted off her clothing, as if to remove non-existent filth once again. I had noticed the past few cycles that most of her clothing seemed to consist of several, usually differently-coloured, pieces of fabric.

Her clothes usually covered her body from the connection between her arms and torso to the connection between her legs and, presumably, her feet. Her feet were usually also covered, although I could not determine the purpose it was supposed to serve in the environment we are currently in, although the theory that the conditions on Earth are vastly different compared to the ones on the SIIR Noxos is gaining more probability, based on the Terran's narrations.

The human seemed to evaluate a question she wanted to ask (this is, of course, a mere speculation based on previous observations: her face muscles were contracted to form a crease over her visual organs, which could so far most likely be interpreted as confusion, thoughtfulness or discomfort; her head was both slightly raised and tilted to one side at the same time, a gesture that was most likely supposed to convey an ongoing thought process).

Although, before she could utter a noise, V-7 informed us of a request from the Vitrichl to gather for a matter of importance.

The purpose of his summoning was to divide the crew into several smaller groups that were to be assigned with different tasks to fulfill once we sucessfully landed on Fendaar.

I was grouped with the Terran, which was unsurprising, as well as Tkzt, a member of the species that is widely known across the galaxies as Ctzas (it is to note that the Ctzas have not evolved any form of written language and communicate exclusively through clicking and chittering sounds. The written forms of, for example, names of this species, are written by other species to produce approximately the same sound as the Ctzas make when recited verbally).

Tkzt, as a member of the unit controlling supply chains and keeping a list of the stock of the SIIR Noxos, would make a helpful addition in our task of seeking out the nearest settlement in order to stock up on supplies.

After all matters of importance were settled, the crew dissipated, continuing their respective tasks. The Terran was ordered to stay and to assist the Vitrichl in another matter, which is the reason I did not cross paths with the human again for the rest of this cycle.

Despite this, I am positive that accompanying the human on an foreign planet will give me a further insight into the species' mannerisms and interaction manners with foreign species, which will prove to be helpful further on in studying the human.

#*does that scene from movies but in reverse*#*a bus passes through your field of vision and suddenly I am standing on the opposite of the street in a trenchcoat & shades hiding my face #*In my hand a new chapter*#So honestly #I'm really immensely sorry that I disappeared for almost two whole months without a word #I had a lot going on #Duties #Deadlines #Having to travel out of the country two different times #But now I'm back!!#And I got a lot more free time so I'll be able to go back to my normal updating schedule of once a day #I spent some time thinking about where I wanted this story to go etc etc #But now I'm really excited to have this chapter finally released bc I was honestly struggling with it and the storyline #But now it's done and I'm back on the track :)))#day 15 #nr.15 #I wouldn't be surprised if most of you thought I was just dead and never gonna continue this lol #Also obviously thank you for the messages I got asking if I was okay and if I was continuing this #While also staying very polite #You guys are great <3 #Thanks for your patience and also for the 300 more followers I got while I was gone #Ok now the actual tags this already almost as long as the actual chapter again #I put it under a read more tho bc the chapter itself is also pretty long #earth is space australia #humans are weird #space australia #humans are space orcs #humans are insane #humans are terrifying #humans in space

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psychicreadsgirl · 11 months

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BTS Park Jimin 2023 - 2024 Reading

This is what I can pick up from Jimin for his 2023 - 2024 year.

Health

Jimin's mental health for this period is like a swinging pendulum. Some days he's doing great. Other days he's suffering a lot with depressing/negative thoughts like about his looks/future etc. While he has tried to seek help, I am sensing that he doesn't find the help to be very useful and feels that counselling/therapy is a waste of his time. Perhaps he hasn't met the right therapist/counsellor for him or is scared that they will leak information about him, but it is best that he continue to seek help.

Jimin often feels very insecure about his future and about himself. This unfortunately makes him very anxious at times and also can make him jealous of those around him who seem to have it better/easier than him. He has a habit of comparing himself with others and forgetting about his own achievements. Jimin's constant comparing makes his mental health suffer too as he frequently feels he's not good enough or will never be enough.

Jimin's physical health is improving a bit as he is more focused on exercising and diet. However, his desire to maintain a certain look/weight can be unhealthy when taken to the extreme. He can be prone to overexercising, leading to injuries or a loss of weight that's too much for him. He can also resort to extreme dieting, especially during promotions.

Jimin's heart is on the weak side, so he may be prone to heart problems/blood circulation issues when he is older. Jimin is also prone to osteoporsis so it's important for him to intake calcium etc. Jimin's skin is starting to be more sensitive and his body is also becoming more sensitive to different types of food. He may develop some food allergies or intolerance of some types of food in the near future like potentially lactose products or gluten.

Jimin's digestive system is also weak. He often is constipated and bloated. It's no surprise that he had acute appendictis in the past. If he eats the wrong types of food like ones that are hard to digest for him/triggers his intestines or stomach, he will feel a lot of aching around his abdomen. He may also experience bladder urgency due to triggering food. He should avoid eating medicine without intaking food and definitely should not mix alcohol or take medicine with tea/coffee/alcohol etc. He's more prone to getting stomach/intestine/digestion related problems than the other members.

Family

During this period, there will be some tension between Jimin and his brother. For some reason they will likely have a lot of misunderstandings and miscommunication. There's an aspect of broken telephone at play. Jimin will feel that his parents side with his brother, while his brother will feel that Jimin needs to grow up/mature. The siblings may grow distant during this time.

Jimin may also experience some health problem within the family/some sort of unfortunate event related to a family member. It is possible for him to take some time off to spend time with family.

There may also be a wedding coming up within his extended family, which he's likely to attend.

Other

Jimin will run into some difficulties with his management company/executives/staff. He will feel pulled in many directions from now till 2024. Some things are not by his choice or were not done with his consent. He will often feel that his voice isn't being heard at work and at times he will feel like he is only a puppet of this company. He may feel the urge to break this contract earlier or not renew the contract. However, as of now, he is fearful of the repercussions of breaking the contract earlier and is really worried about not renewing the contract. The last time he renewed he felt very, very pressured by the management company to renew and also by fans and the media. While he appreciates being in BTS, he is not sure whether the concept of a group can be forever. He doesn't want to be forever known as BTS' Jimin. He wants to try to pave his own road and see what his own endeavors will take him.

In a way, Jimin feels rather caged by the name "BTS". He feels he is only defined by BTS, and whatever he does is in the name of BTS, not Park Jimin. It's as if whatever achievement that he has so far is because he's BTS' Jimin, not Park Jimin. Jimin is not as close to the members as before. In fact all of them have sort of gone their own separate paths.

Jimin is worried that what the management company has promised him will not actually happen. While he is happy that he had his solo, he feels that there were many things that could have been done better. He cant' help but compare himself with the other members and compare what the company has provided to the other members versus to him. As of now Jimin doesn't feel like he's getting entirely what he signed up for after the group renewed. He doesn't feel entirely appreciated by the company too and he doesn't have the confidence that he is headed in the right direction for his solo career. He is extremely worried that eventually he will be replaced by younger idols and will also be forgotten when he enters the military.

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astroyongie · 1 year

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BTS January Reading

Note: Please take the reading with a grain of salt and enjoy !

Jin

Love: He is still in love, still in a relationship with his partner (it’s been around like 17 months that they are together). His love life is happy and healthy, however I also feel a lot of family weight on his shoulders in a way where his family wants him to get married once he gets out of military

Career: As known there isn’t much going on now, I feel like he is quite trapped and his situation and like internally he had no wish to come to military but it’s not like he has much choices. His situation in military will also develop and transform

Health:

Physical: X

Emotional: I just see a lot of anger inside of him

Love: RM too is still in his relationship with his non idol partner and things are going very well and just like Jin I also feel family pressure for him to get settled and to just stop the idol life. He loves his partner a lot and things get complicated when work is involved. RM should also be more thoughtful and be more honest with his partner about his plans

Career: I see a lot of burdens. I don’t follow bts much so I don’t know if he is preparing for a solo or something, but if he is, then he is extremely tired from it and this project demanded a lot of effort to put in place. He also isn’t much sure of himself and what he is doing with his career

Health:

Physical: X

Emotional: He shouldn’t be listening to other people around him. He is extremely anguished, I see a lot of anxiety, doubts and instability and also just tiredness in general

Suga

Love: It’s extremely completed to interpret everything that is being said and also making sure I don’t go too far, but to resume It briefly he isn’t in a relationship but he does seem people for his own fun. However he should be extremely careful because his intentions aren’t always good and his lifestyle is very unhealthy at the moment. Suga can pick partners from everywhere and that’s his “dilemma” like “where will I choose from today” kinda of vibe. He isn’t seeking anything serious, if things get serious he just ghost people out

Career: He is focusing on himself for his career plans, and honestly his self centered work is actually going to be beneficial for him. Things are going very quick. This next 7 days Suga will give his fans a little surprise

Health:

Physical: He needs to be careful with his urinary system, his colon and his reproductive system

Emotional: He isn’t that well, doesn’t sleep well, is very tired constantly, lack of motivation

Jhope

Love: His love life is also going well with his partner, the communication is fluid and Jhpe really likes them and wants to be around them so I don’t have much to say!

Career: His professional life is chaotic, I see projects that he wanted to do that didn’t worked out so he just gave it up. He has been working a lot though and not gave himself time to rest and to focus. People are also very demanding of him. I see Jhope traveling somewhere soon

Health:

Physical: His egs feel very sore after training and he has chest pains that he needs to look out for

Emotional: X

Jimin

Love: Soooo Jimin isn’t in an official relationship but he does see someone very frequently and they both have developed something for each other but Jimin is still unsure if it’s worth the risk, since this person is older and in a complicated relationship. They have a very good chemistry tho and he just needs some time to make his choice

Career: His solo and duet is going to be extremely successful, he will get a lot of money from it and a lot of recognition and the best is that he did half of the work himself so he really poured out his color in it. However I also see that the company will take a lot of profit and block him financially, so he needs to be careful with that

Health:

Physical: He had been feeling pains on his neck, shoulders and arms, also some troubles breathing but he already got checked out and getting better

Emotional: I see some mental confusion and hard moments, but he is very strong and he is fighting agaisnt his mental health

Love: I don’t know if V is still in a relationship of not, but very recently he had a huge fight with his partner and things went a little downhill. His partner got the last word and for now he is dwelling and taking some time over what happened. His love life isn’t toxic but it’s people around them that keep posing their love

Career: Everything is going well, he has his own projects and stuff to do, money is very good too but for now I don’t see any activity that deserves attention

Health:

Physical: He is suffering some some type of sickness, as I feel a lot of headaches from him, a high blood pressure, belly and stomachaches that are painful to him.

Emotional: Feels extremely lonely

Jungkook,

Love: He isn’t in a relationship but whoever Jungkook got close too recently he should get away from them because the energy is extremely heavy. I see that he is very bored in matters of love and he is trying to fill that by seeing several people, but that one in particular that is a divorced person doesn’t have good intentions for him and his Karma isn’t playing on his favor as well

Career: Things are quite prosperous for him, I see Jungkook working on something that he still is going through fruition and some changes that will happen in his career. Jungkook is also having help of some friends when it comes to his music

Health:

Physical: Just like V he is physically ill, on his case, I feel troubles on his hips, joints and bones

Emotional: He is extremely balanced at the moment and well on his mental health

#BTS #BTS astrology #BTS tarot #BTS reading #BTS headcanons #BTS imagines #BTS reactions #BTS scenarios

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 2 hours

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By: Andrew Amos

Published: May 11, 2024

Gender medicine is the field developed to manage patients distressed by their biological sex, a condition called gender dysphoria.

Gender identity is a theory, not a fact

The field of gender medicine is dominated by the gender affirming care model, which relies almost entirely on opinion, because of the lack of high quality evidence. Gender affirming care is based on the idea that every person has a gender identity that is independent of their biological sex. There is no widely accepted theory of gender identity, in fact most doctors don't have a clear idea of what it is, so gender affirming care recommends that doctors simply accept patients' report of their gender identity without question.

The only role for doctors in this model is to assess whether patients have the capacity to understand the nature of affirming interventions. If they do, the model says doctors must provide interventions whether or not they believe this will improve or worsen patients' health.

Gender affirming care reinforces non-traditional gender

The main impact of gender affirming care has been to prevent the investigation of the healthy and unhealthy causes of gender dysphoria. Because all major gender services follow this model, we still have very little idea of the different pathological processes that cause gender dysphoria, how long each of these persist without intervention, and the best treatments to reduce distress in each case. While it's been argued that investigating the psychopathology of gender dysphoria harms patients, we now know this is simply false.

In addition, while there's no systematic research on this, it's undeniably true that gender affirming care is ideally designed as a powerful form of behavioural shaping. Unconditional affirmation is likely to significantly increase the number of people who report a gender identity different from their biological sex. Gender services take confused and vulnerable children who're extremely dissatisfied with their social situations, encourages them to understand all their distress with reference to gender, and provides strong social rewards every time they report non-traditional gender experiences. In addition, the children know that they'll lose this unconditional support as soon as they stop reporting these experiences. It's difficult to imagine a system more likely to artificially increase reports of gender diversity.

Summary, and a point on suicide

In sum, then, the simple truth about gender medicine is that it's based on the theory of gender identity, which is not widely accepted, it's purposely avoided understanding the causes and best treatments of gender dysphoria, and the most likely effect of current gender services is to significantly increase the number of people subjected to life-altering, often life-long social, medical, and surgical treatments which have not been shown to improve health.

As a final point, the most damaging myth in gender medicine is that helping children to accept their biological sex is likely to result in suicide. This is completely untrue, and it's unethical for any clinician to claim otherwise.

#Andrew Amos #gender medicine #gender dysphoria #gender identity #trans or suicide #affirm or suicide #gender affirming care #gender affirmation #gender affirming healthcare #religion is a mental illness

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henriiiii-1001 · 4 months

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There's a big difference between a missing person and a kidnapped person in this au

When a bird of any species goes missing, it means they flied or were dragged by the wind too far away from the main lands. Whenever there's particularly nasty weather, especially during winter, investigations always start the day the wind calms down enough, but on different cases, investigations only start two days after the person has failed to return back home, and the background information that their family and friends provide help to determine the situation, and they usually come down to two main categories: runaways or a possible sudden health issue while flying (like a heart attack or stroke) Birds of prey don't have a police system so it's usually the person's family who goes looking for them.

On the other hand, kidnapped people are always either songbirds or game birds, and the kidnappers are always birds of prey. Kidnappings are actually quite rare, since whenever raptors do hunt smaller birds they leave their cadavers behind after they've eaten or collected enough to feed their young. Much like murders, kidnappings also involve blood because of raptors' brutality, but it's just that, just evidence that a struggle occured that the smaller bird obviously lost.

The smaller birds have no idea of the reasons that could lead to a kidnapping, but even if they knew they'd still not bargain or anything similar to get the person back, they're too scared of angering the raptors for just one person. All the few songbirds and game birds who have lost a friend or family member because they were kidnapped think that this system of not trying is extremely unfair, but unfortunately there's nothing they can do.

Mark is pretty much miserable. He's stuck with someone who is incapable of moving on from a loss, and he can't leave them either, because his bird instincts have been forced into depending on this person, so the couple of times he did try to escape he got very sick physically. He's stuck on an unhealthy "friendship" and is too scared to try to reason with them.

Ruth is doing a bit better, kind of. She lost one of her wings to her kidnapper, but did and still does try to talk to them, and overtime their dynamic evolved from kidnapper and victim to a companionship. This person still hasn't gotten over their loss, even after all these years, but Ruth still tries to in some way give them a bit of therapy, not just for her own sake anymore but for theirs now too. She even got them to stop hunting smaller birds at some point! (They joke sometimes that they're gonna break their new diet when Ruth tell them of her past and all the people who were assholes to her)

damn what's the weather got against them man xddddd

also p interesting overall! also didn't think you'd make mark and ruth live! p cool idea :D i do have ideas on who mark and ruth's kidnappers are, but i wont say bc i could be completely wrong LOL

#station interviews #mandela catalogue #birb au #though i do want to ask that maybe you can start posting your au stuff on your own blog instead of coming here?#if you're still too uncomfortable to post that on your blog maybe make a sideblog for it!#to clarify-this is not bc of the recent situation of people being impatient. again: that is not your fault so please dont feel bad about it #it's mostly just because to be honest - i'm not a big fan of when people only use the askbox to talk about their own stuff #i personally like to keep it open for people to ask questions abt my content (or even abt me) or even for ask games bc those are p fun #i do really like your au though! and i honestly feel bad that you feel you have to only put your ideas through my inbox -#- because my posts never usually get much attention and i feel really bad because of it #also i feel like it can be a bit confusing for ppl trying to find the au and all the info is on a page that's not the creator's

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swolesecrets · 8 months

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America is Obese.

Before I begin, I think it is crucial that I tell you a bit about me... My name is Gwyneth, I am a 17 year old girl who loves fitness, starting my fitness journey around 2-3 years ago. I have always had a caring and empathic personality, ultimately hoping to help people. For that reason among many others, I plan on pursuing a career in nursing as well as personal training. My goal is to preach the wonders of the fitness world whilst assisting people to attain their goals. Welcome to swolesecrets...

The detrimental obesity epidemic is an overlooked societal issue specifically throughout the Western community. "The latest estimates are that approximately 34% of adults and 15–20% of children and adolescents in the U.S. are obese." According to https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, this concludes that obesity is a health concern that affects every age segment of the U.S population. Just how detrimental can an obese population really be though?.. VERY bad.

Defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, the term obesity is “The condition of being extremely fat or overweight; stoutness, corpulence.” Ultimately posing affects one's physical capabilities and quality of life.

“But how does someone else’s physical health affect you?”

As a gym nerd myself and an aspiring personal trainer, it is simply a fact that this growing obesity epidemic will have an impact on the society as a whole, and here’s why… Given that as seen by definition; this state of health imposes compromises to the individual's physical demands… We can foresee economical issues given that more people are incapable of doing difficult jobs essential to a functioning society, such as trade work, floor nursing and emergency services amongst many others, and in fact increase tax rates and pose negative effects on the healthcare system.

Just within recent years, obesity rates have spiked immensely. In terms of a historical science stand-point, early primates and our ancestors were “physically fit”, because it was a factor that determined their survival rate, which can be proved by the Darwin Theory. “Survival of the fittest” literally and metaphorically.

It is most important to note that weight does not correspond to obesity! Everyone is different, in terms of metabolisms, genetics, bone structure and where they may carry weight. To say that being “skinny” or being “larger” is healthy or unhealthy is unfair, the truth is, there's no set definition of what a healthy person is as long as their body does not compromise them from expected average tasks and their favorite activities. Did you know that exercising speeds up your metabolic rate naturally, thust decreasing your risk of obesity.

In the most simple way, weight is determined by the average ratio of calories being consumed to calories being burnt. When the average person consumes more than what the body is able to burn, that's when we can observe a gain of weight.

“But do the pros REALLY outweigh the cons?”

There are so many reasons why exercise is beneficial for humans' emotional, physical and psychological well-being. I think that everyone could benefit from exercise, especially for themselves. It doesn't matter how you do it, the fitness world is so immense from weightlifting, zumba classes, pilates, yoga, aqua fitness, sports, swimming, cardio, home workouts, biking and perhaps even walking your dog.

Let's be real, many of us don't like exercising at first. I certaintly didn't. I was in grade 9 during the pandemic when I first set foot in the gym, not knowing what the muscle groups were even called. Nor what a benchpress even was. Thankfully though, through my mask no one could see my facial expression of udder confusion looking up "back workouts for girls", "instant ab workouts", "toned full body workout." into my TikTok search. I think thats one of the many reasons why fitness could benefit EVERYONE. It allows you to challenge yourself; work towards something. For me personally I truly believe fitness has helped immensely with my mental health. From being so isolated in my room every day throughout lockdown, fitness taught me determination, improved my work ethic, allowed me to process my feelings and gain confidence.

With that being said, throughout this Blog I will discuss the insides of the fitness industry including, the many benefits of working out, motivation sources, my journey in depth, healthy nutrition advice, my favorite workouts, time management with working out and much more…

#gym motivation #gym life #workout #personal trainer #bodytransformation #bodypositivity #wellbeing #mental health #obesity epidedmic

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lovehealgrow · 9 months

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Signs of a Trauma Bond

While many of us have a number of healthy, nourishing, and supportive relationships in our lives, it is not uncommon for people to have a share of toxic, traumatic, or abusive relationships as well.

Now, many people think that these traumatic, abusive, or otherwise toxic relationships are always easy to spot — and, therefore, avoid or cut out. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

Sometimes these relationships seem unavoidable — whether due to familial connection or lack of places to go if you leave the unhealthy situation. Sometimes they are what form someone’s perspective on what a certain relationship should be like — such as a parent-child relationship or a romantic relationship — so that person doesn’t know what they should be feeling or experiencing in a healthy relationship. Additionally, sometimes these abusive situations can actually make a relationship feel closer rather than distant, which makes us more reluctant to sever the unhealthy connection. This is typically referred to as a “trauma bond,” and it can be incredibly harmful to not only the victim’s self-esteem but also their overall health.

Today, we’ll dive deeper into the concept of trauma bonding — including how to recognize signs of it — as well as how you can break these types of unhealthy bonds in your life.

What Is a Trauma Bond?

Put simply, a trauma bond is the type of attachment an abused individual feels towards their abuser.

These bonds are born out of the basic human need for attachment, which turns into dependence on the abuser because of the abusive situation. This dependence and trauma bond is then further cultivated by the abuser through the cycle of abuse and reassurance until the entire situation becomes extremely emotionally complex, and the victim feels as if there is no other option but to go along with the behavior.

Typically, this type of bond is formed in relationships that have a cyclical pattern of abuse followed by reassurance or proclamations of love, regret and need for the abused individual. And it is one of the reasons why leaving an abusive relationship can be so emotionally confusing or overwhelming for many individuals.

What Causes These Bonds?

Truthfully, trauma bonding can happen in any type of abusive situation, regardless of the amount of time the situation lasts.

However, most commonly, this type of bonding happens in situations where the abuser expresses love to their victim and reassures them that the abusive behavior will not happen again every time it occurs. It is this cycle of abuse and positive reassurance and reinforcement that tricks the abused individual into believing that the abuser will change or that they are “not all bad.”

As mentioned above, trauma bonding can occur in any type of abusive situation, but listed below are some of the most common situations that trigger this type of bonding.

Sexual abuse

Incest

Domestic abuse

Kidnapping

Cults

Human trafficking

Elder abuse

Signs of Trauma Bonding

While trauma bonding arises from abusive situations, not all abusive situations result in this type of bond. This said individuals who have developed a trauma bond may not be aware of it until they start looking for signs.

The signs of a trauma bond include:

Abuse that follows a cycle where the abuser tries to “make up” for the abusive incident each time one occurs

The abuser promising to change but never does

The abuser isolating the victim from friends, family, and other loved ones or support systems

The abuser controlling the victim through gaslighting, manipulation, or other means

The abuser “winning over” the friends and family of the victim and getting them to side against the victim

The victim feeling at fault for the abuse

The victim feeling uncomfortable or as if they are unable to leave the abusive situation

The victim lying to friends and family to hide the abuse

The victim making excuses or covering for the behavior of the abuser

The victim continuing to trust the abuser after a continuous cycle of abuse and manipulation

The Impact of Trauma Bonding

The primary (and most detrimental) impact of a trauma bond is that the victim develops positive feelings for their abuser, which leads them to stay in the abusive situation rather than escape it. This choice leads to continued abuse, and in many cases, can lead to physical harm or, at worst, the death of the victim.

If an individual is able to separate themselves from the abuser, the mere existence of the trauma bond can lead to continued issues with low self-esteem, emotional or physical trauma, and many other lasting effects — such as anxiety or depression. Having experienced this type of bonding can also increase one’s likelihood of promoting an intergenerational cycle of abuse that can cause harm to their children as well.

How to Break a Trauma Bond

It is important to emphasize here that a trauma bond is nothing to be ashamed of. This type of bond is a natural consequence of our minds searching for hope in difficult situations and relying on our survival instincts to keep us safe in an unhealthy environment.

This said, once you have discovered a trauma bond in your life, you likely want to know how you can move past it.

Focus on the Facts

If you are in an abusive situation, you need to focus on the truth — look at the patterns and truly understand what the relationship is doing to you. Think about how many times you experienced abuse in the relationship and how many times your abuser promised they’d change. Ask yourself how your abuser’s choice to abuse you has impacted you and how it will continue to impact you moving forward.

Looking at an abusive situation from a fact-forward and analytic perspective can help you realize what the situation is and how it is affecting you.

Build Your Self-Esteem

An abusive situation can dramatically lower your self-esteem and make you feel less worthy of getting out of the situation and finding a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Because of this, taking the time and making an active effort to focus on speaking kindly to yourself and taking care of your mind and body through acts of self-care is absolutely essential.

Remind yourself that you are in charge of your actions and that you do not need someone else to find value in you for you to value yourself.

Plan to Get Out of the Abusive Situation Safely

If you’ve already gotten out of the abusive situation, you may not need this tip. However, if you are currently in an abusive situation, the best thing you can do is create a safety plan to get out of it.

Realize that you do not need to figure everything out on your own. If you aren’t sure where to begin or what you need to include in your plan, you can contact a support hotline like the National Domestic Violence Support Hotline or speak to a trusted healthcare individual, such as a therapist, to help you come up with the best way for you to get out of the bad situation you are in.

Seek Support

One of the characteristics of abuse (especially abuse that forms trauma bonds) is the isolation of the victim. This is because it is much easier to abuse someone when they won’t leave — when they have nowhere else to go. Because of this, one of the best ways to heal from abuse and break a trauma bond is to seek the support you need from others. This could mean joining a support group for individuals who have been in or are in abusive situations like yourself.

Another type of support you can get to help you work through and overcome your trauma is through therapy. In therapy, you can learn all of the techniques and strategies you need to work through the challenging emotions you are feeling after leaving an abusive situation, as well as help you discover how to avoid these situations in the future. Therapy can also be an excellent tool in helping you discover ways to practice self-care and improve your self-esteem after the toll abuse takes on it.

So, if you are in an abusive situation and are looking for guidance on how to safely escape it, or you are looking for ways to break your trauma bond and heal from the abuse you experienced in a past relationship, please do not hesitate to reach out to Love Heal Grow today.

#Signs #Trauma #Trauma Bond

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vividviverrid · 10 months

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the reposing force of the great lakes;

---by kael knoxton martin, a (real) wip intro.

genre - science fiction, superhero fiction.

age range - adult.

status - working on first draft.

content warnings - child abuse, drug use (marijuana), discussions of homophobia and transphobia, unhealthy relationships, gore, suicidal ideation.

summary.

In the fictional city of Knife's Edge, Michigan, home to the headquarters of the Reposing Force of the Great Lakes, a superhero collective is tasked with protecting the Great Lakes region from any supernatural threats or metahumans misusing their powers. The Reposing Force is massive, and its heroes are treated like celebrities, as if they're above reproach. The Great Lakes Reposing Force is largely corrupt, preferring publicity and self-gain over the actual goal of helping citizens that the Force was founded with.

Metahuman Ivy White is on her way to a recruitment appointment, with the goal of becoming a member of the Reposing Force. She lives in her car, struggles with mental health issues, and generally views membership to the Force as a last resort attempt to improve her life. Ivy meets Kingsley Henneth and Rowan James during the interview; both of them have powers almost as unique as her own, and all three of them get embarrassingly rejected for having "useless and embarrassing powers". Kingsley and Rowan invite Ivy to stay with them after her car breaks down. At roughly the same time, the leader of the Reposing Force, Graham Case, is making a deal with the queen of the demonic dimension Xulthea to trap his best friend, Soren's wife in the main city for eternity so she is unable to expose proof of a gay adulterous affair to the public.

After finding out what Graham had done, Soren, secretly an extremely powerful metahuman himself, believes his wife to be suffering in Xulthea, so he kidnaps the entire Reposing Force and tricks the queen of Xulthea into giving him free passage between Earth and the parts of Xulthea that are so unpredictably nightmarish that no one lives there. Trapping the Force in what is essentially endless psychological torture, in a realm that naturally must use their deepest fears against them, Soren tells Graham that he and his friends will remain there until his wife is freed. Meanwhile, his wife, Jessica, is unexpectedly bonding with the queen of Xulthea, perfectly safe, watching her husband destroy the city they both once loved.

Also, it turns out Soren missed one member of the Reposing Force. Kira Ramos, the Force's second-in-command who was out of the country visiting family at the time of the kidnapping, returns to Knife's Edge a day later, and must pick up the pieces and retrieve her friends before any supervillain senses an opportunity and decides to wreak havoc in the city. She recruits Ivy and Ivy's new friends to save the Reposing Force, promising high ranking membership and immense fame if they can complete the task.

characters.

main.

ivy white, 26, she/her, cis + bi. superpower: super strength when a certain amount of thc is in her system.

rowan james, 26, he/him, gay trans man. superpower: think waterbending but with cheese.

kingsley henneth, 27, he/him, cis + bi. superpower: fashion and accessories manifestation.

winter westbloom, 26, she/her, unlabelled. superpower: can see into someone's past when touching an object they owned.

kira ramos, 28, she/her, nonbinary lesbian. superpower: fire manipulation.

zee the bee, ageless-adult, he/him, nonbinary male-aligned heterosexual. superpower: flight, due to being half-bee; can manifest anything from nightmares into reality.

minor.

xorna, around 4000 (or 40 in earth years), she/her, nonbinary lesbian. demon queen of the dimension xulthea.

jessica hollows, 34, she/her, cis bisexual. not a metahuman; soren's wife.

antagonists.

soren, 35, he/him, cis bisexual. superpower: can manifest anything from his daydreams into reality.

domino ferncutter, 32, she/her, cisgender bisexual. creates an ai called oculomancer that becomes sentient; she tries to use ivy as oculomancer's host body.

graham case, 55, he/him, cis gay man (closeted). superpower: invisibility, accelerated speed.

excerpt.

The picture fizzles out, fading slow back into a void-black screen, and she’s gone. The secondhand store employee’s words echo through her mind: fucking Reposing Force, I swear to God… But the gates open, swift and fast like a predator. Ivy looks up into the skies, watches the building as it goes up and up and up, boundless above her. She takes a deep, deep breath, and begins walking again. She’s always walking, always transporting herself between what is real and what is fantasy and what is dreaded. When she isn’t walking literally, her body exhausted from its nomadic nature, she’s walking metaphorically, through the graveyard of her past, her former self an angelic statue fixed above a headstone. Ivy is adept at pushing through obstacles of any kind. She moves forward whether the universe likes it or not. She enters the building, and her boots make a thudding sound on the teal tile beneath her. There’s a mural behind the front desk—scenery of Lake Michigan that is too vibrant, too dreamlike, to be real or accurate. The state of Michigan is never that serene. But regardless, she approaches the desk. It’s a different secretary; how many fucking employees does this place have? She asks for Ivy’s name with a monotone voice, thanks her for it in a monotone voice. Ivy cannot help it. Her mind wanders to situations, to possibilities unknown. Are these employees super=powered too, are they considered lower than the heroic division? If she gets this job, will she be doing boring secretary work for the rest of her life? If she manages to get this job, will she get the opportunity to disrespect others, just as they have done to her? Would she ever get the opportunity to do true good, or will they stick her at a desk for eternity? She wouldn’t be able to handle that.

taglist :

ask to be added/removed.

#wip intro #writeblr #scifi writing #scifi writeblr #wip #work in progress #wtwcommunity #writeblr intro #science fiction wip #scifi wip #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #authors of tumblr #authors on tumblr #A REAL ONE. WITH A PLOT SUMMARY!!!!!!!!!#yes graham is under antagonists idc

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cowboyhorsegirl · 2 years

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omg evren please say more about tonynat on some sort of mission where they need to fake date!! <3

@meidui, you've never known this because i have unfortunately never gotten around to answering any of your asks before, but you always send the best ones <3 I started writing this response back in May and couldn't ever figure out how to write the last scene between tony & nat, but I've taken a crack at it now in the hopes that you can enjoy this insane infodump of meta & a bit of fic before you move on to healthier and happier things :)

!!!!!!!!!! ahhhh yes gladly !!!!!!!!!!!!

(and sorry this took so long i hope you don’t mind that I wrote you a novel lmfao)

((Also I’m going to talk A LOT about IM2 but bear in mind that it's been about a decade since i've watched it so if I misconstrue anything please let me know!))

First of all, I absolutely adore Tony and Natasha separately, and I think had they been able to interact more in the MCU canon they would have served to ease each other’s insecurities and curb their more self-destructive tendencies. There’s undoubtedly a lot of parallels between their histories and their motivations for choosing to be heroes:

they’ve got a lot of red in their ledgers, so to speak

they’re trying to even out the scale of all the harm they’ve done

they place the blame of those harms squarely on their own shoulders even though they are both–to varying degrees–victims of the systems they were a part of when enacting that violence (I will say I feel this is much more true in Nat’s circumstances with the KGB than in Tony’s with the US military-industrial complex, but the case can be made for him too what with Tony’s enduring addiction and mental health issues stemming from his relationship with his father who expressly expected him to take over the company [sidebar: i would make the case that tony does not and has never liked building weapons as these are not things that he chooses to do with his engineering prowess in childhood or at MIT, and while he is leading SI he acts out in ways that in my view indicate he’s deeply unhappy with his life and is trying to numb the pain] + the way he was manipulated and ultimately almost killed multiple times by Obadiah)

traumatic medical experiences involving painful, life-changing surgeries AND loss of bodily autonomy

But! There’s also some similarities in how they try to cope with these burdens. For example, they’re both extremely competent at what they do and in a perpetual state of trying-to-prove-themselves (this tends to function more internally for nat and more externally for tony) so their default mode is often to obscure what they feel/think in most situations from everyone but an extremely select group of trusted friends as a means of concealing emotional vulnerability. They are also both prone to throwing themselves into an unhealthy work/life balance because there’s always something more they specifically could be doing to help and it seems as though neither of them can bear to forgive themselves for inaction if their involvement could have saved even one more life regardless of the personal cost.

(That last point especially *COUGH endgame COUGH*)

So in my opinion they would’ve come to be able to recognize these habits in each other at a level of familiarity that Rhodey and Pepper do for Tony or that Clint does for Natasha, but in a shorter time period. Furthermore, because they see themselves in each other, I think they’d be much more discerning over when is the appropriate time to push the other hard to treat themself better because a coping mechanism is becoming overly destructive and when they should give the other a bit more leeway because, yeah, what you’re doing right now probably isn’t the most healthy way for you to process things in the moment but I understand where you’re coming from and I know that if I try and get you to work through things too quickly or in the way i think would be best I might accidentally end up pushing you farther away. I’d rather you be overworking and/or emotionally distancing yourself in my orbit so I can be here for you when you come up for air.

I’m going to put the rest of this under the cut because i haven’t even gotten around to the point of your message lmfao (thank you so much for the ask btw !!!)

However! The crux of the issue is that, for all of their similarities and potential compatibilities, Tony and Natasha first met when Tony was dying (stressful in its own right but in Tony’s case, it specifically ties directly back to the aforementioned medical trauma + previous near-death experiences) and Natasha was undercover on behalf of SHIELD collecting intel on him for a superhero initiative that he did not know anything about and did not know he was being considered for. They don’t really get the chance to engage and interact in good faith because of the inherent nature of “Natalie’s” mission, but I think that the sources for potential long-term mistrust go a bit deeper than that superficial subterfuge.

Natasha in this situation is manipulating tony to gather information on him and denying him full control over medical decisions, and he is not privy to this prolonged, imbalanced dynamic until much later. Plus, Natasha’s own assessment of Tony is that he is not fit for the Avengers, but that Iron Man is. I feel this could be interpreted by Tony as Natasha suggesting that SHIELD reassign someone else to pilot the suit, further digging into those previous harmful thought patterns for tony that he’s only as worthy as the weaponrymachines he builds, no one values or wants him as he is, people are going to force him to relinquish his creations if he doesn’t give them up voluntarily and with a smile with the now added bonus of: this suit makes me feel like my life is worth living again and now they want to take it away from me because I’m not good enough for it.

As is, this setup makes total sense for their first meeting: Natasha is an agent and a damn good one and Tony is a very powerful man who people are regularly trying to pry information/resources/technology/expertise from by any means necessary.

The problem lies in the fact that these two are then tasked with being on an elite superhero squad where they have to place very complete trust in each other and I just don’t really see that happening without some intense heart-to-hearts about what went down in IM2. Now, as we stated before, these are two people who are very reluctant to open up and share their internal strife even with the few people they’ve developed trusting relationships with over the course of years, so I don’t imagine they would willingly offer that painful transparency to each other.

It seems that the ideal conditions for this sort of conversation to take place would call for a mission requiring only Tony and Natasha to work in an extremely close capacity with each other that involves high stakes and high emotions and in which the success of the mission lies critically in their ability to improvise off each other in order to hide in plain site using the cover of an innocuous personal entanglement.

I sense a fake dating mission!!!!!!!

(Bonus points if the context of the mission harkens back to the one or both of their previous traumas.)

So, to FINALLY get around to the point of your ask, my ideal tonynat fake dating mission would serve the primary purpose of allowing tony and nat to work through the events of IM2 and develop their friendship. This would have to involve recognizing the many similarities they share regarding their motivation to undo the violence and harm that they both wrought in their previous lives and then using that foundation of recognition to build trust and eventually camaraderie and understanding!

And because this is my personal dream tonynat fake dating mission story, the secondary purpose would be to make steve jealous and have an early-onset Feelings Realization™️and/or tony-induced Gay Awakening© because i have perpetual stevetony brain rot and I simply cannot engage with any story without figuring out a way to shove a stevetony plotline into it🤪

The time: the nebulous space after AI/IM3 but before CA:TWS.

The place: a foreign nation with a highly advanced technology sector (I’m thinking either Singapore or Japan or Germany).

The mission: identify and infiltrate a corporation that is suspected to be funneling technology and product to [INSERT VILLAIN ORGANIZATION HERE] [PROBABLY DOOM LOL].

I imagine it would start with Fury assembling the Avengers to brief them on the situation and the long and short of it is this: a weeks-long mission that will involve Tony and Natasha attending a technology expo abroad to figure out who is supplying [VILLAINS] with their tech, infiltrate their operations, gather intel, and collect evidence. There should be no reason to expect any flashy shootouts, Fury insists while leveling a one-eyed glare at Tony, but Clint and Steve will rotate 4 day surveillance shifts on the helicarrier which will be hovering nearby over international waters and Bruce and Thor will be on call in case they do need back-up.

One last thing: undercover identities. Trying to conceal Tony Stark’s identity would be like trying to sweep an elephant under a carpet–Hill has to talk quickly to cut Tony off from reminding them all again how he managed to stay under the radar in Tennessee for a week and if it’s so damn hard for him to go undercover then how come the powers that be at SHIELD couldn’t find him in Buttfuck Nowhere, USA?–but it doesn’t matter because he’ll be able to blend in effortlessly at this conference under the guise of exploring new opportunities for SI to diversify its ventures in the tech sector.

Natasha, on the other hand, will need something a bit more involved. She’ll be attending as Nadine Roman, an aspiring model and Stark’s latest conquest, Fury explains while Hill drops a file detailing the persona in front of Natasha.

At this, the energy in the room shifts a bit as Steve, Bruce, and Tony all have subtle, but undeniable reactions to this news. Bruce frowns slightly, as if trying to imagine what this scenario would even look like. Tony’s eyes slip over to Steve and his smirk falls for just a moment before snapping back into place, albeit looking a little bit more forced than before. As Steve tries to clumsily disguise his own surprised expression, he remembers seeing a story in the news recently about Tony and Pepper’s split as he had been flipping between the international news section and sports.

“So…I’m going to fake date Triple Imposter over there?” Tony finally offers into the silence.

Fury considers him for a second, and is just opening his mouth to respond when Natasha–still studying her file to get the rundown on ‘Nadine’–says “Yeah, if you can handle it,” eliciting an unapologetic snort from Clint where he sits beside her.

Cut to the actual mission, and by all appearances ‘Nadine’ and Tony are technically pulling it off with no issues. Not like it’s hard, really, Red is a literal pro at undercover operations as Tony is quite well aware of having been on the receiving end of one of them. She slips into the role of harmless arm candy flawlessly, batting her eyes and smiling coyly over her bare shoulders at egotistical corporate executives with an almost surgical precision. Her flirting and the prestige that accompanies her temporary status as Tony Stark’s companion gains her access to secret meetings and lowly-lit offices where she fades into the background, making herself known and forgotten with equal efficacy.

For his part, Tony is providing the perfect cover for Natasha to work off of. He parades her around the first day, every bit his ostentatious self to make sure everyone gets the image of her on his arm cemented in their minds. He pretends to be too tipsy to notice when his date seduces men right behind him while skillfully avoiding the drinks that keep getting shoved into his hands. He schmoozes with global industry leaders who make him want to tense his body in disgust, but he forces himself to relax, fielding unwanted touches and unearned familiarity all while trying to pry information out using his own forms of deception and sleight of hand.

It’s strange Tony thinks playing this game again. It hasn’t been all that many years since this was his real life, though it feels like it’s been lifetimes. Considering how many near-death scares he’s had in the past few years, it may as well have been several lifetimes since the last time he’s flounced around one of these conferences with some nameless darling of the night on his arm and one too many drinks in his blood and a desperation to be outside of himself, even if just for a moment, even if he had to kill himself oh-so-slowly to do it.

Oh right.

In all the madness that’s been Iron Man, the ecstasy of building something to do good for a change coupled inextricably with the immense mental toll of his recent heroics, it had been easy to let himself forget what it had felt like to live with the shackles of a duller but more persistent type of misery around his neck.

It unnerves him, too, how easy it is to slip back into this life, but he supposes he had been born and built for it. It’s practically muscle memory or an instinct hardwired into his DNA, so deeply ingrained in him he couldn’t cut out the rot no matter how badly he might want to.

Tensions build as the days pass, until one day while Natasha is off trying to uncover potential industry connections to [VILLAIN ORGANIZATION], it happens. Tony’s in the middle of a conversation that he hates about the merits of private-sector civilian surveillance. But, because he’s Tony Stark and he’s smarter than all of these sleazy business fucks put together, he finds himself dominating the discussion. And, because he’s working this goddamn mission right now, undercover in plain site, he’s arguing for it. Arguing the merits of private sector civilian surveillance.

He finishes the point he was making, met with painfully unsubtle nods of approval and he can practically see the rusty gears in the brains of his so-called contemporaries trying to figure out how quickly they can relay what Tony’s just said to their own company boards.

He knows he’s lived this exact scene at least a hundred times before at no less than a few dozen past expos. He’s never been able to observe the charade so clearly before, though.

As he’s turning away from the crowd of executives surrounding him, Tony doesn’t register that instead of sipping at the glass of water he’s been nursing all night, he’s raised it to his lips and forcefully thrown his head back to drink until his brain realizes that the burn he expected to light a path down his throat hasn’t come yet.

Muscle memory. Just like all the worst parts of him, the parts he will never be without.

Horror dawns on him as he slowly lowers his arm, and the breaths start coming fast and shallow while the cold, cold weight of hysteria begins to settle in his chest, freezing him from the inside out.

I need a drink he thinks for the first time in a long time, and that… That scares him. Because he could do it, it would be all too easy to start again here, now. Someone would no doubt be thrusting another drink innocuously into his hands soon enough because of course they would, he’s Tony Stark and Tony Goddamn Stark is a drunk. Ever since that first drink in the dark of Howard’s office when bourbon branded his mouth with its awful liquid fire and his father branded his soul with a taunt Tony never stopped repeating Stark men are made of iron Stark men are made of iron Stark men are made of iron.

The next few seconds seem to collapse and stretch simultaneously around Tony as if he has suddenly found himself suspended in the middle of a black hole. There’s a slight tremor to his hand as he sets the now empty glass down. The conversation is still moving around him: attention snaps back to him and predatory smiles greet him in excess before he’s even finished turning to face them again. A thought passes through the haze in his oxygen-starved brain that he’s about to be eaten alive, consumed whole and used up so thoroughly that there will be nothing left. It’s so asinine that for a brief instant mounting distress gives way to sharp disgust at the momentary lapse of rationality.

A light hand settles on his shoulder, and Tony’s entire body tenses under the phantom weight of a much heavier grip. Someone else used to know how to spot the onset of his little outbursts once. A friend, a desperately trusted father figure, or so he had deluded himself into thinking once because he had wanted that, had wanted anyone to notice when he was trapping himself inside his own brain again and maybe even to care enough to bring him back down to earth when he did.

Panic seizes Tony’s heart in an iron grip, and it feels like Obie’s hands inside him.

Natasha looks up at him, but he doesn’t catch the expression on her face, eyes zeroing in on the spot where he had just set his empty cup down. On the table, someone has helpfully cleared the glass and set down a complimentary martini on the corner of a napkin.

It’s all a blur of a crashing martini glass and his own breath and blood loud in his ears and his body on autopilot getting him the hell out of there because yes, yes this is bad but if he doesn’t leave now it’s going to be worse. Vodka drips down his hand as he practically runs out of the hall back to the refuge of their hotel suite and he hasn’t even thought about the consequences, the damage control until he hears Natasha’s voice light and unbothered and a second later a round of raucous laughter from the crowd he’d just had eating out of the palm of his hand and then the door slams shut behind him and all he thinks about is the path back to the hotel.

When Natasha slips into their rooms later that night, Tony doesn’t waste any time deploying his own damage control strategy, but not so he can manage appearances in front of the men waiting to pounce on him once more on the expo floor. He can’t really bring himself to care less about keeping up appearances with them, and it won’t matter after tonight, anyway.

“I’m going back to the helicarrier. I’ll be much more useful there running surveillance and the suit is always available in case you need it.”

Natasha tilts her head and raises one eyebrow pointedly as she silently considers Tony’s words for a moment.

“No.” She says firmly, with a tone that would have ended the discussion before it even began were she not talking to a man whose stubbornness was outmatched only by the magnitude of his lack of self-preservation.

“Excuse me?” There’s just the slightest edge of panic to Tony’s voice, but even that small crack is threatening to collapse the entire facade.

“I need you here. There’s no other part of this mission where you’d be more useful.”

“That really isn’t your call to make,” Tony says brusquely, getting up from where he had been sitting in their lounge and walking over to face the view of the nighttime city skyline as it shines through the massive windows.

“It’s not yours either. I wouldn’t have taken this mission if I didn’t know you could do it, Stark.”

“Why?!” Tony bursts out, expression crumbled when he spins around to meet her head-on. “What changed Natasha? Two years ago, YOU said I was a liability, so what exactly has changed?” His chest is heaving with the effort of catching a breath, eyes wild and body frozen still against the backdrop of the city lights, held captive under Natasha’s assessing gaze in a way that’s so much more restricting than even the bounds of social convention he broke to escape the expo floor an hour ago.

For a few, awful seconds, Natasha’s face is totally blank as she stares back at Tony and he wonders desperately for a moment if she’s evaluating him in real-time, if she’s writing the mission debrief in her head right now about how Tony Stark has shown himself unfit for espionage, unfit for combat, unfit for superheroics, unworthy of so much more than just the Iron Man su—

“I did.” Her voice shatters the spiral he had just begun to fall into, sympathy written in the downward tilt of her mouth and the way her eyebrows draw towards each other, wrinkling the skin between them. Tony is so abruptly, acutely aware that this is an emotion she’s choosing to let him see, but unlike the way she had laughed airily at the jokes made by the businessmen at the conference downstairs or their first interactions together when she had still been Natalie, this is not an act. The masks have all dropped.

“What?”

“ I changed. I made the wrong call about you.” She slowly makes her way over to him.

Tony breathes out an incredulous laugh, one hand coming up to rub his face. “You’re really going to try and convince me that I’m not everything you wrote in your report to Fury? After what you saw down there?” The words are quiet in the still air between them.

“What did I see? Tell me why I was right.” She raises one hand to lower his from his face, not letting it go once she does.

“Isn’t it obvious? This… all the— the schmoozing and the grandstanding and the— God, the weapons. It’s like I never even left the industry, it all comes back so easily. That’s who I am, who I was raised to be. You saw it down there, I know you did. Please don’t— don’t lie to me.” He swallows heavily around the last admission, the unspoken again echoing louder than if he had just said it.

“I don’t know,” Natasha starts, a small smile forming on her gorgeous red-painted lips. The shade matches the color of the tie Tony wore today. She had hidden a microphone in the knot before they left earlier this afternoon. “Doesn’t seem like it comes all that easily to you. I imagine we’d still be down there schmoozing and grandstanding together if it did.”

A beat of silence passes before Tony breaks into a startled grin, Natasha’s smile growing in response to his. “I always forget that making jokes is something you do,” he admits, chuckling softly.

“Looks like we’ve still got a lot to learn about each other then.”

“Guess so,” the words just shy of a whisper as he finally pulls his hand from Natasha’s gentle hold and breaks their gaze to look away.

“Tony,” she says, resting one hand on his cheek to gently guide him back. “The man on this mission? That isn’t you. Maybe it was, once, but I know it isn’t now because I see you choose to be better than him every day. To do better than him. That’s who you are: the choice you make, over and over, every day, to be better.” Her eyes flicker away for just a fraction of a second, almost imperceptibly, if Tony hadn’t been hanging on to her every word, eyes fixed on hers. “And I… I wouldn’t hold yourself responsible for the person you were raised to be.”

He takes in a shuddering breath, unsure how he found himself here without any of his social armor. How Natasha disarmed him of his usual tactics, avoidance and distraction and redirection, he isn’t quite sure. But there’s a trust he feels blossoming in his chest as she cradles his head in her hand that pushes fear at bay, and he knows he should be wary, trusting the spy, but there’s a haunted edge to her expression that makes Tony think that, for once, perhaps he isn’t the one who stands to lose the most if he falls headlong into trusting.

“It’s too much,” he admits, “pretending to be who I was. It— it reminds me of Obie, and drinking, and… it’s just a lot. A lot to deal with alone.”

The corners of her eyes wrinkle tenderly as she smiles warmly at him. “It’s an act, Tony. You know this. You’re the only person who can do it, exactly because you’ve done it before, for so long. You fooled me didn’t you?”

His lips quirk up at the quip, he imagines that he’ll never quite get over how bizarre it is to hear Natasha banter with him like this, but it doesn’t much matter as long as he gets to experience the delight of her humor again.

“And Tony?”

“Yes?”

“I promise you, you’re not alone anymore.”

—

as far as the steve b-plot goes i’m thinking that steve would initially be feeling a sort of vague discomfort that he can’t quite pin down a reason for so he eventually just decides ‘oh you know what Nat is right and i’m probably feeling lonely and should try dating again after this mission is over’. but then he starts to see tony and nat acting more and more comfortable and affectionate and intimate with each other during the expo in a way that feels…. not so fake anymore and discomfort intensifies into a weird sort of frustration and anger and ultimately he realizes it’s jealousy and he spends a few days stewing in the helicarrier watching tony dazzle natasha in front of god and probably some villains and everyone else on the expo floor and he’s like this is so weird am i jealous of tony?? I don’t like nat like that she’s a great friend but i only see her as a friend and then one day on the ninth day of his latest shift because he’s started insisting to clint that he extend his rotations (clint is very on board with this bc as far as missions go this is literally a cakewalk to him & Nat and he promptly peaces out to go raise his secret family) steve’s watching the surveillance footage of the expo and he sees tony laughing so genuinely as he and natasha demonstrate an iron man gauntlet and he’s so enamored by tony’s joy and the way he squeezes his eyes shut and presses his lips together into a smile because he physically can’t contain his amusement and his laugh lines deepen so beautifully and he’s like oh. OH. i’m not jealous of tony i’m jealous of NATASHA. Because she gets to make tony laugh like that and touch him and be his and it’s all for a mission of course it is but what if it isn’t?? Because steve’s never seen tony laugh like that before and that was all for natasha and cue steve-centric shenanigans as he works through his gay pining for tony stark while simultaneously convincing himself that tony and natasha are now in a real relationship and angsting over that too. i feel like this would eventually resolve itself by nat and tony somehow getting themselves in danger as they finally hone in on their target and steve has to go save them and he’s carrying a bruised and bloodied tony stark out of his makeshift prison and tony is so delirious with gratitude that he kisses steve and steve feels guilty about THAT bc even though he’s elated he’s like ‘oh naur :( tony is cheating on my best close friend natasha with me and how could i do this to her’ meanwhile natasha is completely oblivious to this whole pity party steve is throwing himself and tony has literally been asleep in a hospital bed for 17 hours and thinks he dreamed that kiss when he wakes up steve thinks he’s in a love triangle but it’s literally all in his head bc he’s an emotionally constipated idiot but damn it if he isn’t tony’s emotionally constipated idiot

#if it's all the same to you i'm going to hang on to your 1872 ask a bit longer :)#signed sealed delivered #meidui #tony stark #natasha romanoff #mcu #meta #fic!#evwrites #scribbles #tonynat #plus a dash of #stevetony #bc it's me and of course there's stevetony

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