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quivntana · 4 months

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HIIII so ik ive restarted my page basically to post glee stuff and things from other fandoms, WHICH I WILL BE MAKING A POST ABOUT IN THE FUTURE !! but i wanted to announce that ill also be posting some short stories i write :3 this is a little old story but ill post it here like its new; go along with it 😭 ITS CALLED:

“Happy Four Years, Dork..”

It was a rather clear Saturday afternoon. Clouds parading the sky. Sun shining down on all the little people down below. There was a slight breeze causing the grass and trees to sway. The girls had been driving for a while. Quinn had a blindfold covering her eyes. Her hand holding Tanas in a nervous but excited state. She hummed in joy before she continued to try and ask for hints. “C'mon tell mee, i want to make sure you’re not about to ditch me somewhere in the desert.” Quinn would joke. Santana's eyebrows furrowed as she kept her eyes on the road. “Believe me I would never do that. Now quit trying to interrogate me here. I'm trying to drive.” Santana would announce in a teasing tone. Quinn huffed as that was her last attempt at trying to get the secret plan out of Santana.

Santana had planned this whole day out since it was their four year anniversary that day. Santana had gotten the blonde girl a gift as soon as she had woken up. Quinn had an idea on how to spend their day but Santana took care of that. She had planned a beautiful picnic at Quinn's favorite park. The park was filled with nature and was always kept clean. It was like a movie scene during the afternoons, which was why she was trying to get there as soon as she could. A mutual friend (Kurt) Had helped Santana set everything up without Quinn knowing. He helped plan the food, scenery, even a small guitarist who was going to sing her favorite song. Of course Santana was appreciative of Kurt for this. It probably wouldn't have gone well if she had planned it all by herself. It would’ve probably been a disaster. Luckily, the girls had finally made it to the park; barely anyone there. Santana excitedly parked before she spoke up. “Okay Q, we’re here .. now you sit tight for a second while i come help you out.” She’d say with a smile.

Quinn would nod eagerly though she couldn't see shit. Laughing at herself she sat in the car as she heard Santana exit. To be fair this was quite nerve wracking for Quinn. There was no need to be nervous since it was Tana, the girl who's been with her through thick and thin, the one who's dealt with her for four whole damn years as girlfriends. They had been dealing with each other for much longer .. since kindergarten. These two girls have been there for each other since day one. Quinn couldn't have asked for a better partner in crime. Santana quickly snapped Quinn out of her thoughts as the door opened. “It's just me..” Santana would announce in case the blonde girl threw some punches. Tana then gently held Quinns hands helping her out of the car. She watched as a smile quickly formed onto her face. Santana practically just fell in love all over again. She laughed silently before they finally made it to the spot.

Santana hummed in excitement. “Okay, let me help you with this..” Santana would say in a softer tone untying the blindfold and slipping it away from Quinn's eyes. She peaked over the girl's shoulder to see her reaction. Quinn's eyes widened, her jaw falling agape slightly. A small sniffle was heard before Quinn turned towards Tana. Santana stood there with her head tilted slightly and a warm smile on her face. “Happy four years dork..” Santana said with a soft teasing tone. Quinn, who was practically crying, threw herself into Santana's arms for a tight hug.. Some tears of happiness flowed down her cheeks. Quinn laughed aloud. “Thank you Santana.” was all she could say at that moment. She was so filled with joy. The pair stood there for a moment in each other's embrace with smiles from each one. Santana was glad Quinn liked the surprise, she was happy how it turned out.

After that moment, Quinn finally let go from the tight embrace turning back to see the beautiful scenery in front of her. Quinn had wiped her tears with one hand, and the other was interlocked with Santanas. The two walked towards the picnic mat that was on the grass. A basket with some of Quinn's favorite snacks was set on top with some roses. The two sat down on the picnic mat still holding each other’s hands. Quinn had let go for a moment unpacking the basket with a small laugh. “You even got my weird snacks in here.” Quinn would say sniffling with a smile. Quinn had a few “weird snacks” as Santana would call them. Santana would refuse to eat them but she kept note of them which came in handy for today. As the blonde girl continued to unpack Santana would just observe with hearts practically forming in her eyes. She heard a soft laugh which snapped her out of it. “Quit staring ..” Quinn had said with a small huff.

Santana smiled at her. “Whaat, I'm not staring ..” She replied. Her cheeks turned pink in embarrassment from being caught. Quinn would laugh, shaking her head. “Yeah sure you weren't.” She replied. “What else do you have planned for today, creeper.” She would ask, causing Santana to laugh afterwards. “Hey, I'm not going to spoil the surprise.” Santana would say, causing Quinn to roll her eyes playfully. The two finally dug into the food, Quinn forcing Santana to at least try her weird food combos. Surprisingly she had liked one or two. Both girls had spent some time talking, and snacking. Quinn laughed loudly a few times. It was as if the two were the only ones. The only ones in the world. Everything and everyone around them seemed to disappear. It was always like that whenever the girls were doing something together. They liked it that way anyway.

As the girls continued to act like lovebirds they had made it to the ice cream part of the basket. Two pints, one strawberry and one vanilla; Quinn quickly grabbed the strawberry pint with a smile. “Ohh my godd i haven't eaten strawberry ice cream in soo long!” She exaggerated. “You literally ate it last weekend.” Santana spoke up teasingly. Quinn pushed her arm playfully. “Whatever..” She replied in the same tone. Quinn opened up the pint and took a spoonful quickly. Her shoulders melted showing how good the ice cream tasted. Santana would just laugh seeing the girl's reaction. Not shortly after, a boy had walked up with a guitar and a small box in his back pocket. He had looked at Santana first, nodding his head as if he was waiting for Santana to signal back. Quinn had looked between both of them with a confused look before Santana gave the same head nod.

The boy quickly sat down in front of them on the grass, trying not to invade. He took a big inhale before his fingers started to strum the guitar. The tune was Quinn's favorite song, “My love Mine all Mine” by Mitski. Though the song was mainly played on the piano and drums; Santana had forced the boy to make it work with his guitar. As the boy continued to strum, Santana had begun to sing along; though it had been a while she had tried her best. Quinn had always loved listening to Santana sing so this was the cherry on top. As the two continued with the song, Quinn had brought her knees up to her chest, observing the raven haired girl with hearts forming in her eyes. (cartoon style) As Santana continued the song she couldn't help but turn red at the hazel eyes that were on her. Suddenly she felt a few more eyes on her. When she had finished the song and finally was brought back to reality, she looked around to see people from afar watching and clapping.

The boy who had been playing the guitar had also begun clapping. Santana shyly smiled in gratitude at everyones clapping and cheering. When the crowd had left, Quinn seemed to be star struck. Quinn quickly spoke up. “You sound perfect every time.” She would say taking Santana's hands again. The boy who had played the guitar cleared his throat before taking the box out of his pocket and handing it to Quinn. He smiled at the pair before leaving. “I had forgotten I told him to do that.” Satnata spoke up with a laugh. Quinn shook her head with the box in her hands. She shook the small box with a smile. “I wonder what this could be~” Quinn teased before opening the box to reveal a ring, with an S on it. Quinn's eyes quickly widened before looking up at Santana who had her eyebrows furrowed. Santana was nervous about the blonde's reaction.

“Tana.. what?” Quinn said with an awkward laugh before Santana shook her head. “Don't worry I know what you might be thinking, this isn't an engagement ring.” She had reassured her. Quinn was still confused but calmed down. Santana nervously took the ring in her hands before showing Quinn her hand. The raven haired girl's hand had a ring just like that one with a Q on it. “It is a ring though .. a promise ring.” Santana began, Quinn looking up at her with her eyes widened. “Quinn , these four years together have been amazing , perfect even.” Santana said, looking down at her hands nervously. “You make everyday feel like a movie; whether we’re on the couch watching Jersey Shore together or on a date just talking .. it's always perfect.” She said, causing Quinn's eyes to start to water.

“I got us matching promise rings to show that I promise to continue loving you. I promise to love you till our wedding day. And yes I have that planned too.” Santana said, adding the last part with a laugh. She had begun to choke up, causing her voice to break a few times. “I thought today was the perfect day to do this because you know i suck at doing relationship things. Will you accept the ring?” Santana said Quinn had been looking at her with a soft expression letting her tears flow silently. “Oh tana..” Was all Quinn could say. She smiled nodding before leaning in for a quick kiss. Tears and all. After Santana had helped Quinn put on the ring, both girls had been silent, not an awkward silent but a comfortable one. After everything they just needed to soak it all up. Whipping away the tears that had been shed during their intimate moment.

As the silence carried it was sundown already, it didn't feel like long but the girls quickly ditched the picnic mat to go walk around. They were hand in hand going down a slim, rocky path. Santana had been collecting the flowers that they passed to form a small bouquet. Quinn was in her own world, her hand grazing the long grass that they passed. When the bouquet was big enough Tana decided to give it to her. “Psst.” She said, “Look at what I made.” She added with a soft tone handing the blonde girl the flowers. Quinn’s expression softened. “Awe T.” She said with a warm smile taking the bouquet in her hands and smelling them before looking back at the raven haired girl beside her. “I love them .. thank you.” She said as they continued to walk. “I hoped you liked today .. I know you had plans and I felt terrible for making you ignore them.” Santana began, her expression soft.

Quinn shook her head. “It was no issue my love, I'm glad I canceled them for this.” She said with another warm smile. “Today couldn't have been more perfect.” She added. Santana smirked. “I dunno about that~” She teased as Santana stopped in her tracks. “Hm?” Quinn hummed. Santana pushed through some tall grass and trees before they made it out to a lake where the sunset had been reflecting onto. The orange and pink colors from the sky colored the water beautifully. As the sun was setting, bird chirping could be heard faintly. This moment calmed the pair. “I spoke too soon.” Quinn would say lowly, whispering almost. The blonde had rested her head onto the raven haired girl's shoulder as they were tangled together watching the sun set. You could hear all of nature's noises. They spent that moment watching the sun settle, as it did Santana led the way back towards the path making sure her girlfriend wasn't bitten by anything.

She’d probably fight the bug that bit her. They continued the path back towards their spot before they were met with fireflies. Quinn had quickly gone to go catch them only catching two before the rest flew off. She held them cupped in her hand before showing Santana. Santana peaked into her hands watching them turn on and off crawling all over the girl's hand. “Ew , what do they feel like?” She asked, only because she's never held an insect in her life because those r gross, ew. “I don't even notice them honestly.” The blonde replied. Santana raised an eyebrow. Quinn began to speak. “I hold them every chance I get, do you wanna hold one?” She asked, continuing to keep her hands closed. Santana was hesitant but nodded.

Quinn opened her hands and let the two fireflies crawl onto her hand. Santana quickly began. “Nope nope nope take your creatures back.” She said trying to keep her calm in case they bit her. Which they weren't going to .. I doubt they would bite. Quinn laughed, taking the bugs back quickly letting them fly out of her hand. She shook her head at Santana's reaction. “You are such a baby Tana, they weren't going to do you any harm .. I wouldn't let that happen.” Quinn stated, taking the girl's hand into hers. Santana shook off her disgusted feeling from the bugs and shook her head. “Never again blondie.” She stated as they finally made it back to the main area of the park.

They collected their belongings and threw away their trash. Santana was going to let Kurt deal with it or let some homeless man take it. Quinn obviously didn't let that happen and made Santana get everything and pack it into the car. The trunk was packed with the basket and mat. On the ride home the two were still hand in hand. Quinn made herself comfortable on the arm rest laying on her own arm but keeping Tanas hand in front. She knew if she slept on Tanas arm while they drove it would be a disaster cause she can't multitask for shit. While Quinn slept, Santana had peeked down watching her snore quietly. Quinn denied every snoring accusation Santana threw her way because she thought that was an ick but honestly; Santana found it cute.

It wasn't the loud obnoxious snoring, it was the silent but noticeable snoring. It was Santana's favorite thing about the blonde girl. On the drive, Santana was stopped at a red light that was taking longer than usual to turn green. She found the opportunity to make sure the girl wasn't cold. Covering her with a spare jacket she had in the back seat. Once Quinn was covered Santana kissed the blonde's temple and whispered. “I love you.” which was something she usually didn't say..

#quinntana #gleek #glee #glee fanfiction #wlw post #wlw story #quinn fabray #santana lopez #naya rivera #dianna agron #picnic #cute story #short story #wlw #sfw story

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lighthausen · 9 months

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[Martin + Tapes] A Story About Martin's OnlyFans.

So I wrote this and talked about it with @fakecrfan about a year ago now. I was reminded today that it existed, so I thought, hey, might as well share it with anyone else that's interested!

For those who are new to the Martin + Tapes universe and/or need a refresh, here's a chronological link to fakecrfan's Martin + Tapes tag

For a quick overview, in this au, the Beholding is in love with Martin, and by extension, anyone connected to the Beholding, even a bit is also at least somewhat in love with Martin. Many Martin-tormenting shenanigans ensue.

—

Martin jiggles his apartment door. It's locked today, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything, so he whips out his phone and checks the website.

There are three feeds running. Martin sighs, unlocks the door, grabs the broom he set leaning against the wall next to it for this specific purpose, and gets to finding the new cameras.

The first one is simple enough, installed in the corner of his bedroom. Martin smashes it like a bug under the handle of his broom. The second one, in his shower of course, is more difficult. They installed it behind the showerhead and he can't quite get a good angle with his broom, so he has to remove it by hand. The final one is easy, under his couch, not too much to be seen there. He sweeps it out and crushes it under his food with a satisfying crunch.

He checks the website again. All the feeds are gone. He breathes a deep sigh of relief, when— oh. They aren't all gone. There's one left, an audio feed. Martin groans then muffles himself when he hears his own groan played back. Great, just great. Martin decides to try humming a bit as he moves around, attempting to see where the bug is based on volume, but just as he starts to get a sense of where it is, the feed cuts off. Martin curses.

It takes an hour to find it. It ends up being in his pillow. How unoriginal. He breaks it, throws it out, takes a nap, and finds when he wakes up that the parts after the feed was cut were uploaded after. His eyes are drawn towards the comments.

listen to all his stomping and muttering, aauugh he’s SO cute

OMGGGGG the ENDINGGGGGG!!1!!!!! His little “There you are” before it cuts off eeeeeeeeeeeeee, HE’S TALKING TO ITTTTT, TALKING TO US!!!!😍😍😍😍

Something I find so charming and unique about him is his habit of talking to inanimate objects. I think it really speaks to how lonely he’s felt his whole life that he’s had to—

Martin turns his phone off. He doesn't feel much like eating right now, so he rolls over and goes back to bed.

—

The broom comes up in website discussion. He only knows this because the page where the camera feeds are has the most recent forum posts underneath it.

(What they say, I'll leave to the imagination, but Martin/Martin's Broom is the third most popular Ao3 tag in the Martin Blackwood RPF fandom. The first is Martin/Reader of course, followed by Martin/The Beholding)

(The Beholding was popularized in the Martin fandom after Martin was recorded saying "This isn't you! You're not in love with me, it's the Beholding monster thing—!" This was directed at YouTube star MrBarbarian in his video I LEAD A PARADE THROUGH LONDON TO PROPOSE TO MARTIN BLACKWOOD.

The video's virality, combined with some prominent members of the fandom stating they served the Beholding solidified its place in the Martin Blackwood fan-sphere.

The Beholding is often depicted as a tall, thin, white man with a third eye, a top hat, and a bow tie. Its attributes include sharp teeth, mind-reading, compulsion, a very long tongue, and an entourage of eye-covered tentacles.)

Anyway.

Things get worse and worse. They stop livestreaming the camera and audio feeds, opting instead to record privately and share stuff afterward. Martin keeps finding bugs. He never knows if he's got them all. He’s sure he hasn’t. Simply existing in his apartment is nerve wracking.

Final straw— he walks in and grabs the broom by the door as he always does, only to find that it’s… sticky. Martin shrieks and drops it. His hand is covered in a substance that Martin does not want to think deeply about as he rushes over to the kitchen sink to scrub himself clean with too-hot water. It leaves his hands red, and his eyes prickling with tears. He turns the sink off. That’s when he notices it, placed blatantly on the wall in front of him sits yet another camera. Martin can’t even bring himself to break it. He grabs his bag and runs, not bothering to lock his apartment.

He can’t stand to stay there tonight. He can’t go to a hotel or anything either, they’ll just bug it too, probably before he even gets there! With few other options, he goes to Tim, the best about boundaries of the archives gang. Not that he’s any good, it’s a very low bar, but still, he’s part of the Eye, so his apartment won’t be bugged. Tim is ecstatic to have him.

Tim is also genuinely sympathetic about the people bothering him, seems upset on Martin's behalf, even. He advises Martin to control the narrative. Give the audience something, threaten to take it away if they break into his apartment again.

"It feels better, when you make the choice," says Tim. "Like, sure, I suppose I was happy enough after that happy hour last month, when Jon and Sasha had to tie you to the radiator so you couldn't recklessly leave in the middle of the night, all alone.” Tim laughs at the memory. "But this? Having you here of your own free will? This feels amazing! I'm sure it'd be a similar situation for your other fans."

Martin wraps his arms around himself, avoiding looking at Tim, or the radiator. “You really think so?” he says.

“Absolutely!”

“Hmm… that’s something to consider. I really do want my apartment back.”

“Yeah! …But you’re not leaving tonight though, right? It’d be dangerous with so many creeps around.”

Martin shudders, feels the phantom heat of the radiator against his skin. “No, Tim, I’ll stay tonight.”

“Great! I’ll get the wine!”

—

After putting a lot of thought into it, Martin starts an OnlyFans.

The pictures he has on there are… rather bland. They’re the inoffensive kind of selfies and photos one might post on Facebook that family can see. They are ridiculously priced.

Despite this, the bugging stops. And for some time, Martin finally feels like he can breathe. He continues to check the website, content with how no new camera or audio footage is being uploaded about him. However, as he looks, he still sees the forum posts, the people online analyzing every single detail about every single photo.

Ughhhh there’s toooooo few photos on there, like, I’ve analyzed them all a hundred times already, when’s the new content coming??????

Hm. That doesn’t sound good. Martin posts more frequently. Which works, until…

These photos are great and all but they’re getting so samey, I want to see a real, authentic Martin, like in the videos people used to upload.

The people are getting antsy. “Give them what they want,” Tim said. Alright, he can do it. He creates a new, even more expensive pricing tier, with slightly less tasteful photos, ones that someone might share on a private Instagram that only friends know about.

They love it of course. And these photos are easier to take. Things are working out just fine. But…

WHEN is he gonna show some SKIN, like, COME ON

Seeeeeriously, i’d pay sooooo much to see his tits again

Martin sucks in a breath. Okay. They want skin? They’d pay a lot? Fine. Give the people what they want. He takes one new photo, and, y’know, just to see what happens, he’s gonna set this new pricing tier to be a million— no, that's too easy— a billion pounds.

(Is this possible? Probably not. Let’s pretend.)

The photo in question is fairly tame. A shirtless mirror selfie where he's biting his lip and posing in a way that could be construed as provocative. He’s also holding the broom (which he thoroughly cleaned).

He doesn’t expect anything as he lists it. Just for fun he checks out the fansite, and sees people going nuts about the new hidden photo. He chuckles and heads for bed.

When he wakes up and checks his phone, he gets a news notification about major data breaches across multiple corporations, about CEOs getting hacked and losing a ton of their assets, about stocks for companies associated with them plummeting drastically. He also gets a notification informing him 57 people have purchased access to his new photo.

—

A lot happens in the following days.

There were attempts to find the perpetrators of this mass-data breach and money loss, to no success. They got away with it.

There are news articles "The Photo That Sank 14 Companies" "How Martin Blackwood, Sexiest Man Alive Caused Brief Economic Collapse"

None of these articles portray Martin in a negative light. Quite the opposite actually! They all assert he deserves the money and that the photo is insanely hot.

They all mention the broom.

You can find those lamenting what happened, who do not like Martin Blackwood online. There’s plenty of posts about it, but the ones that get more than a tiny bit of traction almost always get deleted and the accounts they belong to go mysteriously silent.

There are those who attempt to sue Martin over what happened. None of these lawsuits go very far.

One of the buyers is Elias. He used Peter's card, which he has free access to.

Martin feels Extremely Guilty

And. That's an unfathomable amount of money so Martin will lose access to it before he can do too much. But…

Some things that could happen:

He donates as much as he can of it

Some goes to innocent people who lost their jobs due to this whole… situation. It's difficult to find them, but he asks Sasha (and therefore all of the Eye people) if he can get a list of them. He gets one within an hour.

General charity donations, going through gofundmes, giving away a lot to his mother's care home (is his mother still alive? She would get a ton of money.)

He also buys out his apartment building and gifts the apartments to the families living there.

Unfortunately, a day after he does this, one of his neighbors knocks on his door and tells him and tells him that someone just offered to buy their apartment for 10 times its cost and they accepted, just wanted to let you know, Martin.

Then the rest of his neighbors reach out to him with the same story.

Martin's apartment building is now filled with Eye freaks.

He would definitely lose access to the money after this, having that much money gives him far too much power for the Eye to be comfortable with. Instead, the money goes into a private account that the Eyevatars can use only on Martin. A trust fund, of sorts, that they can lovingly torment Martin with.

Cherry on top, he can't sell the apartment or apply to live anywhere else (Eyevatars see to that) So it's his apartment or the archives.

Martin has also been banned from OnlyFans.

#martin + tapes #martin/beholding #bonus: Elias has tried to make himself a face claim of the Beholding to some success #he has printed framed and hung up MANY pieces of fanart of himself boxing Martin in against a wall in that manga-y way

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daydream-cement · 1 month

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Hello I am a new writer and recently wrote fanfic is there any tips you can give to upload without being nervous it won’t do good

i can certainly try my best!

first! make sure not to put too much pressure on the fic or yourself! as long as writing is an enjoyable process for you then post all the stuff you want and who cares if anyone reads it! TRULY!

second! i think formatting is huge! personally i think the simpler the better! give your audience a little summary, warnings if needed, and the characters so they know what they are getting into. tags are also a wonderful way to make sure your work gets seen.

in the past, i have even asked for others to give me feedback so that i know others are enjoying my work (but some stories i love so much that i don't necessarily care if others are reading it).

i think its important that the whole fic is formatted in a way that's easily digestible too! making sure sentences, structure, and paragraphs are formatted in a way that is understandable by the average user is big! for example, my reading style personally prevents me from being able to read big paragraphs were multiple people are speaking at once, so making sure your stories are structured in a way similar to most fictional books if great!

remember that tumblr is a huge global platform! so give your work a few days to get dispersed within your community or fandom!

i hope this helps. i know its nerve-wracking to post your art, but im sure you will do great!

#answered ask

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ninja-knox-ur-sox-off · 2 years

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hi okay i'm so sorry if this is a bother but i'm literally screaming uh oh my GOSH OKAY

SO i'm the author of this fic !! and your comment literally made my entire life i'm crying right now oh my gosh

okok i just also really want to say a big thank you!! you've been my writing inspo for ages, whenever i need a break from certain fandoms or fanfics i always find myself going back to yours?? and the way i've spent hours just reading your works because your writing style is so . SO . ACDHCISUCIHUS it's just amazing ?? like your fics are the ones i stay up all night reading because i literally cannot stop?? i went on a one-year hiatus and posting another fic since then on ao3 was terrifying,, but your comment just . AGSJCBHSC made me feel so welcomed and at ease 😭 i know it's just a comment and it shouldn't be that big of a deal but man as someone who just . AKSCS loves you and your writing like holy smokes is this the real life???? like?????

OKOK IM SORRY FOR MY OVERUSE OF WORDS IN THIS BUT THANK U ILYSM HAVE AN AWESOME DAY

I HAVE BEEN HOLDING THIS ASK GENTLY FOR THE PAST HOUR HELLO??BGSDLFKMA;WIWEMFA

LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF A BOTHER I'M GBSADL;FAWE

i'm |;A;/ /pos I think this is straight up the most cherished ask i've ever received in my life I'm saving it forever thanksBG;LAKWMFOAWBHEF

Posting new writing fresh off a break can be pretty nerve wracking, I'm still working on getting back in the writing groove since my break tbh gbsdkfmowe, but my guy, my guy, ur writing?? REAL GOOD, REAL GOOD STUFF 10/10. One of the first things Kai Sand did when we got on VC this morning was drop a link to your fic in as many places as he could, and after reading it MAN I CAN SEE WHY, IT'S FIRE WRITING AND CHARACTERIZATION. Even people not in the fandom in our little group read it and liked it, so that says something about the quality. You've got mad skills and I'm glad someone like you is back into writing stuff and doing what they love, even if it was a little scary to put the writing up on ao3 <3

ALSO I'M BGSLDFMA;OWFOAWEM IT MEANS SO FREAKING MUCH TO ME THAT MY COMMENT COULD HELP WITH THE NERVES A BIT, AND I'M STILL |;A;/ OVER U LIKING MY WRITING N STUFF I'M GONNA SOB GBSDFMA;WOIEAMF NOT ME CRYING ON VC OVER THIS ASK BBGSDLFKJSDFLSDF

Anyway, you're lovely, thank you so much for this ask it genuinely just made my day /gen /gen /pos /pos /pos bG;LKAWMEF;OAWEF

For anyone wondering what fic we're talking about its she was my sister before she was your lover ninjago fic HIGHLY RECOMMEND GIVING IT A READ IT'S LOVELY AND HONESTLY INSPIRING MAKES ME WANT TO START WRITING SOME STUFF FOR NINJAGO AGAIN I GOTTA BE HONEST, FR REAL GOOD STUFF

#knox rambles #asks #kirishimas-manly-eyeliner #Ninjago #fic rec #it always makes me so happy when people like my writing and i'm just AAAA *DANCES DANCES DANCES*#I need you to know i vocally said out loud to kai sand that 'oh hey they're a good writer' in vc and kept complimenting the pacing #like the comment i left was a small part of what i actually was thinking fr bGKAMWEOF #GOOD STUFF THO #KEEP WRITING STUFF YOU LOVE MY DUDE YOU'RE DOING AMAZING <3

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kokiseiko · 3 years

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Fleeting Touches and Unbreakable Bonds

Shouta Aizawa x Reader; Hizashi Yamada x Reader

Song Recommendation: All I Ask - Adele

(Y/N) – Your Name

(L/N) – Last Name

Word Count: 1.8k +

Fandom: My Hero Academia | Boku no Hero Academia

Pairing: Shouta Aizawa x Pro-Hero!Reader; Hizashi Yamada x Pro-Hero!Reader

Rating: SFW

Warnings: Angst, Bittersweet

Summary: Is it possible to love someone so much that you can’t let go even after death?

Note: This is a special request made by my lovely fellow Aizawa simp: @nire-chann.

Thank you for beta-reading this for me Ate Selene @yourgoddessselene | @saudade-mayari

The events that had happened at the start of this fic are a few months after Aizawa became a teacher at UA.

A rush of sudden adrenaline that wracks your body, heart pounding, ears ringing, your entire system shaking with emotions you can’t even pinpoint. Walking towards the white-lined road of the city, the rays of the noon sun spilling all over the bent light posts, the once smooth grey cement on the sidewalks now cracked, malfunctioning traffic lights blinking and crackling, the aftermath: debris of the earlier commotion.

It was an explosion, a burst of dust-filled smoke that pained the eyes of individuals who unfortunately had it opened, then a sickening crash of building facades, window splinters raining throughout the area, injuring civilians from which you’ve catered immediately. Quickly healing wounds and giving directions for immediate evacuation.

You were Frantic. Desperate. Searching throughout the wreckage even when your quirk wasn’t for such. Continuing to move through the rubbles of building you spot the shine of the once yellow gear now cracked, broken into three, not far from it was a mass of black, crimson spilling underneath him, a shine of a bloodied band adorning his right hand.

You knew that it was near impossible even with your quirk to stabilize him, yet you continue, hands glowing in hues of emerald as you move his blood-soaked charcoal locks.

---

He feels lighter every passing second, but your presence grounds him. There’s so much more to say, to feel, to do. He sighs internally, he looks at you with such intent, he wants to let you know, to speak to you, but how can he, when his throat feels restricted. Even lifting his hand to touch your tear-stained cheeks to help ease the furrow in your brows had him use too much energy.

There was so much more, but having to look at you with all the emotions he could muster in his two light-grey orbs are what he could only communicate with. He can’t speak anymore, but he wants to at least taste your lips one last time.

To at least feel your heat and the cool contrast of your wet cheeks.

He’s barely noticing the tingle of nerves, that strange warm sensation he used to feel whenever you used to tend to his wounds, his injuries. His eyes wrinkle slightly when he remembers your pout during a rant a few days ago, your plump lips moving and going on about him being reckless.

He’s doing it again, but it has been too long since he had let himself fall through a never-ending well of questions, of replays, flashbacks, images, doubts, concerns. This may be the last time he’ll ever let himself tumble throughout the dark abyss of just him and his thoughts.

Was he content? He doesn’t know.

He just simply wants to remember your smile, your tears. You.

You were his anchor back then. Back when he was crumbling into a mess of a wanna-be hero who had his friend die during Hero-Work Studies.

You pulled him up when he was too tired to even recognize and register the warmth feeling in his chest that was being overpowered with guilt, regret, and frustration.

He never really accommodated these positive feelings, thinking that they would just be swept away with a whoosh of wind, only to return with a hard blow of hatred, anger, and pain.

He doesn’t want to experience that again, to go through that momentary shock and be hit with the sad consciousness of reality.

His throaty whisper was heard above the ringing in your ears: “Thank you…” for loving me, he wants to add, for being with me… I’ve loved you, tears cascading his cheeks

“I’m sorry…” for not acknowledging these wonderful feelings, for taking so long to let you know that, looking to your also wet cheeks, eyes pooling with tears from frustration? Sadness? Pain? Maybe a mix of three he guessed, “… I love you.”

He feels the gradual easing of his muscles all throughout his body. The blood rushing throughout his veins were subliminally slowing. The wet pelts of your tears dropping down his features would be a mere afterthought if he wasn’t focusing so much on you, but alas, his own mind was keeping him from doing so.

Even within his last seconds, his mind kept him prisoner.

His mind where everything was being played. His head spinning with the rapid successions of memories he subconsciously held dear. The majority of the replays containing you, your comforting touch when he needed an anchor, your soft kisses during those casual dates back in his favorite café, the hitch of your breath when you momentarily stopped the cute cooing noises you made whenever you petted the cats as you trailed your eyes on his kneeling form, your whispered ‘yes’ when he finally popped the question “Marry me?”, your wobbly smile when you walked down the red-carpeted aisle, the crack of your voice as your eyes that were holding nothing but love and adoration staring right at him as you began to state your vows began to pool.

Smiling.

He never thought that in his last moments he would be smiling. You’ve made him do things he thought he’d never do in this short life of his. And for that, he’s thankful.

You are truly something else.

***

Breathing was hard. His every inhale didn’t even feel like air, it’s akin to something much more condense. Black was all that surrounds him: a pool of nothing but midnight skies. A weird sensation constantly falling down to a never-ending night is what grounds him to- what exactly.

Though his throat was constricted, a single sound not able to flutter out his lips, his thoughts seemed loud on this vast plain of nothingness.

Where was he?

How can he even breathe?

“You’re still bound.”

What?

“You need to let go.”

Looking around him to at least locate the voice’s body was futile. Was this in his head?

“No. You’re in the middle. Stuck.”

Middle?

“Your time’s done, but you’re still tied down… by your bonds. Let go.”

Realizing what this meant he answered the disembodied voice in his head, I can’t.

A chilling gust of an unknown wind made its way throughout his existence.

***

It can’t be. He knows it can’t happen. He died. How can he still be standing- oh.

He doesn’t know whatever the wind did to him, but he at least deduced that it returned him to you.

You who was now kneeling in the mix of wet gravel and grass whilst staring into the distance with streams still flowing down your puffed eyes, cheeks streaked with layers of endless tears that managed to drip down your wobbling chin, your neck covered in his scarf that had splats of dried hazel-vermillion.

How long was he falling back there?

Two new sounds of weeping.

He sees that the usual gravity-defying golden hair was now instead streaking down the shoulders of a black leather jacket-clad voice hero. Mic. A figure kneeling down beside your form, hugging your side, whose body shook with great intensity together with yours. Midnight.

He aches. Thorns felt like they were encasing him within.

For a moment he wants to hold you, to comfort you, placing his hand to your other shoulder, placing the loose strand of hair behind your ear, but you don’t seem to sense him.

***

It’s been a long month of just watching, of just seeing but not being able to do anything. He hates the unfairness of it all.

He tries. Convincing himself that his touches were felt, that his hugs were warming your numbness, that his kisses were making the sting dwindle little by little, that him laying by the other side of your bed while you sleep with a pillow covered in his old shirt lets you know that he’s still there, that he still loves you, that he still can’t won’t let go.

His touches on your shoulder, which were supposed to reassure you just in turn made you shiver and look confused, bewildered even.

He wants to be heard, to be felt, to exist, but his traces no longer lingered, only a mere susurrate, a short-lived touch in your still graying ambience.

He wants to hold you while you cry and let all of the frustrations out of that head of yours, where he knows that like him you’re stuck, in your own scribbles of granite thoughts, that you too were deprived of the other’s warmth, that you too felt like a shell stuck with all of this sand you called your chaos, your blurring mix of feelings.

And as weeks turns into fleeting months. Months of winter blooming into a spring of years, left on autumn, in auto-pilot, watching, always nearby to see you recover. Recover from the debris and aching splinters that his existence left behind, while he still remains crumbling, pieces of him falling.

“Thank you Hizashi… you grounded me when it all felt like a dream.”

He should’ve been the one doing what Hizashi is now. It should’ve been black instead of gold that you were nuzzling into. It should’ve been his deep baritone rather than the smooth and gentle voice Hizashi uses whenever he encourages, supports, and anchors you.

He should’ve been the one holding your hand whenever you sit in a creaky wooden bench in a nearby park to admire the sunset.

“I know that it’s impossible to reciprocate what I’m about to say, but I at least wanted to let you know-”

“I like you too, Zashi’.”

He should’ve been the one you’re tending, taking care of. Your tears of frustration and aura of concern that was once reserved for him was now for another blond.

“Zashi’ you should start being much more careful you know?”

“I promise I will- ow!”, your smiles at his friend’s idiotic antics just adds jealousy to his mix of resentment and longing.

He should’ve been the only one who sees your gaze of fondness swirling in your beautiful solemn orbs.

But he can’t. He can’t anymore.

And to that he goes back to that midnight swirl, that feeling of falling, to that voice inside his head that was constantly questioning him, encouraging him to release the rope that was still bruising his slowly crumbling heart that he’s put at the back of his mind, not yet wanting to face the reality of the other side, a world without your soft hands holding his cheeks, an existence without your love.

“Surrender Shouta…”

It all felt like déjà vu. Your pretty face blurred with the sheer veil. Soft smiles and salty droplets of tears. The gold-lined red carpet. The people present. It was all like back then, but instead of that classic black tuxedo and a black bow tie, it was a white suit and a navy blue tie.

You’re smiling… at him. Looking directly at him.

It was a whisper, a message just for him; words that helped him to finally let go, to accept, and to be patient.

“Shouta… I hope that you still remember that you will forever be a part of me. Until the next life Shouta Aizawa. Wait for me, we’ll start again; continue what we can’t finish.”

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I hope you all liked this piece. My requests are (finally) open.

#Shouta Aizawa #Aizawa #Shouta Aizawa Fanfic #Aizawa Fanfics #BNHA Fanfic #Shouta Aizawa x You #Shouta Aizawa x Reader #Hizashi Yamada #Yamada #Hizashi Yamada Fanfic #Yamada Fanfics #Hizashi Yamada x You #Hizashi Yamada x Reader #Eraserhead #Present Mic #Eraserhead x Reader #Present Mic x Reader

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otterskin · 3 years

Text

I didn't like the LOKI show, no matter how hard I try, and it's messing with me.

My mother died at the end of December. A lot of other bad things happened as well, like the severe brain injury of my father.

I didn't cry. There was so much to do. I did it. And even then, when there was nothing left to do, I didn't cry.

I found distractions.

Today I went to see the Green Knight after a tough week at a new job that had me leave my father in another province even though he still needs help. I was trying to get back to the life I'd dropped.

I loved the Green Knight. The Arthurian Legends are as dear to me as Norse Mythology, and my copy of them had the Green Knight on the cover. The film was truly excellent, evoking the feel of the story whole still doing something unique and very A24. I cried at one point, like I did when watching the first THOR, because of how much it meant to see something I'd loved since the very first years of my existence finally make it to the big screen and be...right. It's own thing, it's own artistic product, but right.

Then I opened a tab in a browser and saw I had some messages on a website I comment on. It was just some minor criticism of the LOKI show I'd posted beneath an article and how it handled certain things.

I was downvoted. Berated. Hated. Lumped in the ad hominem twitter users who attacked the director and writer (I'd never, ever!) Told I was biphobic because I wanted to see more of a queer lens (I even addressed how difficult it is for bi people in queer cinema and society in general in my criticisms of the romance, but even that wasn't good enough - just disliking it was 'bad'.) I was told I just wanted my 'fanfic' made (I never made any laundrylist of plot points I demanded). I was accused of being a begrudged shipper (ha! If anything I'm an anti-shipper). I was told that I should love the show, it was awesome, and I was bad for not thinking so.

And I started to cry.

I don't cry. Only at movies. Not at real life. I didn't cry at my grandparents's funerals, I didn't cry when I was left with the body of my mother in the hospital room and my brother cried on my shoulder. I didn't cry when working through my dad's severe new disabilities as I realized how much he had lost. I didn't cry while realizing how messy my parents' finances were. I didn't cry when my mother's friends called me in the middle of the night and cried into the phone. I didn't cry when saying goodbye to my dog and going back to a rundown apartment with a terrible smell so I could go to work in a dark room for hours at a time.

But now I'm crying and writing this.

I've realized why. During everything, I looked forward to the LOKI show. The first THOR is deeply nostalgic to me and I watched it often in my first year of Uni when I was away from home. It tied in thematically to what I was going for. Thor 2 came out before I went on exchange, and while I disliked it overall, talking about it was a welcome distraction from my anxieties. Thor 3 was nerve-wracking, but it also came out during my first major job which I was struggling with, and I saw it so many times in theatres...it was such a huge comfort.

Looking forward to LOKI wasn't just a distraction. It was like a promise. A promise that I'd make it till then and see it and maybe it'd give me some comfort.

That's on me. That's a personal thing. It's an unreasonable expectation.

But I needed it, all the same.

Then it came out.

I tried. I really tried to like it, to forgive it, but the problems are things I've criticized for too long in so many other things. I always try to be respectful about, I never go ad hominem and attack the creators, only critique their work and I always mentioned what I liked but...

I didn't like it.

I have no urge to rewatch it.

And the Green Knight...the Green Knight was everything I wanted and needed it to be. It didn't let me down, though I've been anticipating it about as long as the LOKI show. They're very different, obviously, but in my heart they share the same compartment.

And after a very trying day...I realized how badly I needed to rewatch a Loki show I liked. But I can't even enjoy THOR or Thor:Ragnarok anymore. It's like everything I did like has been poisoned.

This thing that got me through immense pain is causing me pain. I don't want to be toxic. I'm sure it's in me. I try so hard not to wallow in disappointment, but to not even be allowed to talk about my problems without being lumped in with abusive online monsters...

I can't do it. I just can't.

This is supposed to be an escape, not another trial.

I needed the LOKI show to be good, so I could come out of the dark into the light, or at least walk through the night with a lantern ahead of me. And instead it was just more darkness, and it's not even entirely its own fault. It's the online discourse. It's the uncalled for harassment of Herron and Waldron. It's the taunting jabs at people who didn't have a good time as if we're all jerks. It's having people roll their eyes when you point out things that made you uncomfortable in the story, it's feeling slightly gaslit when you find something gross that the story intended to be gross and then being told it's not gross, actually.

I'm sorry. I don't want to cause pain. I just...

I needed it to be good. And unlike Thor 3, which delivered me respite in a dark time...it let me down. Worse, it's hurt me.

I said I don't cry, only at the movies. Something about them lets me cry in a way nothing else does. I can't cry at a funeral, but I can cry in a movie theatre at the drop of a hat. It's a release valve, a way for me to process things.

I think I was waiting for LOKI to give me permission to cry. To give me something that could release this pain in me. And instead, it just gave me more.

I never should have given it that power. I didn't want to. But I had to, to get through this.

I'm putting away the few THOR pieces of tat I have. I feel foolish. I always knew it was a capitalist piece of art, chucked from creator to creator with no creative shepherd, which in itself was stressful.

The fandom is no sanctuary for me either, since I'm primarily interested in the family dynamics and I'm sick of 'Odin is an ABUSIVE MONSTER' stories or even unrelated fics and posts just dropping in hate for him that's not at all canon but seems to be very popular to the point where people think it is. Especially since I often read these stories when I need to think of home and my father. Or, most pleasantly of all, when I get called an abuser or abuser-enabler because I say I like Odin as a character. I also can't really bear to deal with anything to do with Sylvie, whom I had high hopes for as someone who wants more female tricksters, but instead I got this...this Mary Sue that's very hard to criticize without being yelled at. I swear I'm coming at her writing as a feminist and I don't hate anyone, I don't, I just...sigh. She's just personally frustrating to me and not being able to discuss it without being called names sucks.

Not to mention I'm asexual, and I always struggle with romance in media being pushed as the 'ultimate relationship more important than any other'. Part of the reason I liked THOR so much was that romance was not the main feature of THOR and definitely not THOR 3 (while my disliked Dark World was all about it, and so is LOKI). And when I criticize the romance, I get called a prude (guilty, I guess), a troll, or, my favourite, just 'a hater'.

I don't want to hate. Who wants that poison in their veins? I'm here because the Thor series HELPED me because I LOVED it. And now I look at the things I used to love and I...don't, anymore.

So much is asked of me right now. I can't willingly invite this painful thing to sit on my chest as well, especially since the world is already shoving it into my face without my doing anything, in ads, in news, in everything.

I suppose that's why I've leaned even more into Odin lately. He was untouched by the LOKI series (though not the Simpson special, which worries me). He's a trickster, he's queer, he's nuanced, he's 'misunderstood' (that old cliche, but he's misunderstood and misrepresented by the people always yelling about how this or that character is misunderstood, which amuses me, except when it gets to me), and he's in many ways free to make my own.

I still have some stuff I'm going to publish that's practically finished. Finnesang has a lot more written for it but needs some major sit-down time for re-writes and edits. Lokabrenna is practically done, just needs tweaks and Beta. I'll be here a little longer.

But I think I'm going to have to step back for now and put my passions into other things.

I will be back. After all, after Thor 2 came Thor 3. Maybe Love and Thunder will right the ship and Thor can still be awesome, and maybe eventually a creative I love will come to work on the franchise. Really, that's the key for me - I loved Branagh before THOR, and loved Waititi before Thor, and disliked Waldron's work (though I gave him every benefit of the doubt and hoped and prayed to be wrong - sadly, it was what I expected.)

But...if LOKI season 2 is more of this, more romantic tropes I hate and Loki being an afterthought in his own show and his family being devalued for new characters...I can't do it. I can't watch something I used to love just throw that all away for something I dislike.

My tears are finally drying. I wrote a lot of this while the screen was blurry, so I hope there's no grammar or typo too embarrasing. I'm not sure I have the strength to re-read it. Sorry for the rant. It helped me feel better.

Thank you all. I hope I feel differently someday.

#loki show #loki 2021 #meta #loki thoughts #personal #update

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bookwyrminspiration · 3 years

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wait is it quil appreciation hours? ok ok wait

you're such a cool person to have on this platform, and you're so nice and not at all scary, and your writing is just so wonderful, in your character analysises and in your fic

seriously- you answer asks in such a nice way and you're really cool about it, even when people send like literal essays into your inbox, and you write like full paragraphs of things whenever people send you art, which is insane and wonderful and i can't believe it /pos

being a newer member in this fandom can be a little bit scary at times because there are so many really big blogs and a lot of them have been around for a while so that's kind of intimidating, but your blog is really nice and welcoming and really cool!

and your analyisises are super well written and thought out, even when people send you like random headcanons or jokes or whatever, they're all super interesting to read through

and the wings au! i have no words to express how much i love the wings au- it's a full kotlc book but with better characters and WINGS and so many interesting little tidbits, it's wonderful

anyways i'm bad at english and adjectives but i love your blog so much

i--quil appreciation hours. you've named it now. apparently it is?? so many people have sent so many nice asks over the past few days and I'm just sitting here like :0 (i mean this in a fun way! i'm just flummoxed as to how I keep getting so many compliments!)

I have a lot of fun being on this platform, so I'm glad you like having me here! i hope to continue being nice for the rest of time--your compliment means so much to me. you're all equally as kind and interesting to be around and interact with, so it's delightful to know its reciprocated!

and you're complimenting my writing! ah!! thank you! literature and writing is a big part of my life and how I express myself sometimes, so it's very rewarding (and sometimes nerve-wracking) to be able to share it with all of you and just vibe together. just so many thoughts in my brain all the time and I can make them make the most sense when I type them out and oftentimes it feels like I haven't fully explained myself--especially when it comes to the character analysis--and yet you all are so supportive and encouraging anyways. it's just really cool to be part of this whole community <33

I try to be nice when I answer asks and just generally be encouraging of other people's ideas!! and I try to reciprocate and give everyone the time they deserve, because I want to explore all the avenues of their idea! I probably average between 15-30 minutes on each ask, but it really just depends on how distracted I get in the process and whether or not I need to reference a book or anything (fun fact! there are currently three keeper books just laying in my bed). and people sending literal essays just means there's more to talk about! and they've given me a lot of different perspectives to approach their thoughts from! I can't help but laugh a little about your comment on my paragraphs of art comments when i literally just did that before answering this one. but yes!! I know just how much long, in depth comments on art (including writing/edits/gifs/other medias) can mean to an artist, so i try to spread that and make sure when I'm complimenting someone, I'm genuinely complimenting the specifics of what they've done. i can be general and just say it looks cool or I like it (which is also fine! there's not one right way to comment and all comments are appreciated!), but I just prefer to let them know that I noticed some of the details and I understand the time that was put into their work. people's creations are so cool and I want to encourage them to keep creating as long as it makes them happy <33

I honestly don't remember my new tumblr days, but I do know that in the kotlc fandom it can feel like there are these big, established blogs and everyone just flocks to them and there's all these relations and connections going on that you just feel like you're missing out on. things like casually using other's names and referencing other things can make you feel really out of the loop--I've been here for years and it still happens to me! so I love that my blog feels welcoming. I try to be! don't fully know what I'm doing but i'm trying! it often involves a lot of exclamation marks. i should probably tone it back on those, it's getting excessive

oof you've just reminded me that I need to update my masterpost on character analyses--but thank you! I have a lot of fun writing them and just thinking them all through and they're one of the first things that really stood out as a specifically me thing in the fandom, so it's always exciting to hear people enjoy them as much as I do. (this isn't to say I invented character analysis or that I'm the only one whose ever done them, I just have no memory of anyone else really focusing in on that aspect within the fandom until I did it, but I could be wrong about that!) all the random headcanons i get give me the opportunity to apply a lot of what i've analyzed in these characters already, taking it from pulling them apart to trying to put together the pieces in a way that's consistent with how I understand them, so i love to go more in-depth on those. and they give me more of a chance to ask questions back to you all!!

and then the wings au! I say it all the time but I genuinely surprises me a lot when people just mention they've read it and i just go :0! my wings au?! my writing? that's the one you like?? and you're right! it does actually qualify as novel length, so it could be another book! except I just wanted to add wings and more drama and monsters, and I wanted to ignore the romantic drama for a while. there's so many elements of the characters that I feel get pushed to the side in favor of exploring the romance in canon, which just isn't personally for me. i really just went "i can fix them" and rewrote them just slightly to the left. but I think it's a lot of fun! and i'm very glad you're enjoying it, because there's still a lot to get through! it's not ending anytime soon! luckily for me tho, we've still got another year before the next book is released and completely changes how I could need to structure my worldbuilding. i'll probably finish it before then...no promises tho!

i'm thrilled you like my blog!! I have so many posts and just so many things I love to talk about so I'm ecstatic you'd want to listen! I'm just as verbose irl as I am online--my partner can attest to that. nearly every time we see each other I just talk at them for hours! english and adjectives can be very complicated, even with experience, but I love you so much (/p) and am very glad you're here!!

#i cannot believe you all are out here making quil appreciation hours #like I am just talking about things that interest me i should be appreciate /you/ instead #and I am! i do! i try to express that!#it's your interests and questions that let me do all the talking about things I like!#so thank you instead!#this ask made my day #had a few wacky schedule things that stressed me out earlier but this just makes me feel so warm inside #not great at identifying emotions and all that #but I know this is a very positive one and I really liked all of this #so many elements #so many things #i'm still not over quil appreciation hours btw /pos #quil's queries #nonsie #long post #random #nonsie love #quil appreciation hours #i'm giving you a tag for it #i am literally just someone on the internet and yet you all are so kind #i hope you know how much i appreciate and value you

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starberry-cupcake · 3 years

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@nero-neptune replied to your post:

as good as lok, i stand by the belief that it couldve been so much better if the team behind it didnt have to worry about whether or not they were going to get cancelled every new season

I'll reply in a separate post because I tried to summarize but I couldn't lol

It was nerve-wracking and annoying as a viewer back then to be chasing the show around and hoping it'd get its due time to close rather than get cancelled halfway. HOWEVER, I think that an unintended perk of the uncertainty, and a way in which they made it work, was that Korra got to have seasons with distinct and separate conflicts and very different antagonists, which represented more complex and conflicting ways to be opposed to the Avatar. I don't know if this journey of separate issues would have happened had they known from season 1 that they were to have 4, like they did with atla. It was also a great way to introduce more complex political and social topics for an audience which had grown up.

That being said, even with the messy situation, bryke & co had more luck with their shows than current animators do today, because nobody but Alex Hirsch seems to be able to finish an animated show on their terms. This situation with the inconsistent networks and how they pull the plug when they please is also increased by how little respect both mainstream media and animation-specific platforms have for animated shows that are for "general audiences", those which aren't "for little kids" (aka middle schoolers or younger) or "for adults" (aka shows where people curse and/or have explicit content). The Emmy nominations that came out recently continue with this trend, in which animation for general audiences, which is the most popular fandom-wise, isn't respected, not only on the mainstream platforms but also in animation ones (like the Annies, in which these shows don't fit any of the categories for best series).

So, networks don't know what to do with these, apparently. They treat them like they would any sitcom without narrative and expect creators to be able to tie all loose ends within a small af heads-up. It's been happening even to shows with big response and popularity and nobody seems to be completely safe.

#reply #nero-neptune #i actually prefer korra's handle of antagonists but that's a whole can of worms i'll leave closed

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eemolu · 3 years

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2020 Creator Wrap: Favourite Works

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

i wasn’t tagged in this but i’m trying this thing where i support and love myself? and this feels like a good way to start???? idk don’t ask anyWAYS

1-3 are all from my jiliad, but let us first do since that’s where i put the most energy and hit the most milestones so i’ll be giving myself 3 chapters of that as my faves

1. chapter 15: this was the first chapter where i really leaned into the L&J fluff and really started moving the plot forward- it’s also the one where i hit 100,000 WORDS??? still can’t believe that & am forever freaked out about it

2. chapter 16: a big one for me because it featured the L&J sex talk that was so important yet so nerve wracking for me to put in. i so often see fics move right from the love confession into a sex scene, which is perfectly fine if that’s what the author wants. but i was thinking about how when i started this fic i was 17 yrs old, and so i wanted to show a couple talking seriously and awkwardly about consent and readiness and being open and honest about previous sexual partners. i worked really hard and i’m proud of what we got out of it. also there’s some sweet valentine’s wolfstar moments that i like too <3

3. chapter 19: it’s the latest one so it’s also very near and dear to my heart. i got to write to the tune of garden song which i am convinced led to the wolfstar moment that made it into the chapter. which i am also very proud of! it was a big moment for me to write and it’s not perfect which is why i’m so very proud of it, because it made me feel things regardless of its technical merits so that’s all that matters

4. something about this kid (irondad oneshot):

this fic... it was a birthday present for my dearest rachel (@writethroughthenight) and it took me SO LONG because it fully got away from me but i’ve always loved spiderman and i’ve also always had beef with marvel so i’m super psyched with how it came out. i forced one of my irl friends (alias brenda) to comment and she went above and beyond the string of emojis i expected to leave me seriously one of the nicest comments so that also gave this fic a special place in my heart

5. jukebox heroes ;) (julie & the phantoms oneshot):

i haven’t written for a super active fandom since i stopped writing for the 100 and i forgot how lovely and welcoming they can be. i had such a great experience writing my first jatp fic that i stayed up all night writing this one (and its a texting au which... i love to write SO much). the fandom didn’t disappoint, and so not only am i proud of the fic but i’m also happy that i got to engage with and meet so many new creators:) plus i made some good jokes so read for a good time

that’s it that’s five. i’m just gonna tag anyone who’s like me and doesn’t have someone to tag them in this- if you created anything at all in the past year or even if you haven’t, you deserve to celebrate yourself (i also rly want @datingdonovan to do this with their text posts dont b a coward)

love u bye

#emily writes fanfic #2020 creator wrap #jily fanfic #jatp fanfic #irondad #tag #mine #yeah i wasnt tagged and what about it #gas yourself up 2021

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momentofmemory · 4 years

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FICTOBER 2020 - day nine

Prompt #9: “Will you look at this?”

Fandom: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Characters: Michelle Jones, Peter Parker, Ned Leeds

Words: 1650

Author’s Note: Michelle’s in charge of AcaDec, which really shouldn’t be that much responsibility—except, of course, it is. Set a couple months post-HOCO, spring semester. Michelle POV.

>> i promise i’ll promise

“What is the melting point of mercury?”

Charles’s bell rings instantly, and its sound waves have hardly have the chance to make it to the back wall and bounce back before he’s following it with his answer. “Negative thirty-eight point eight celsius, or negative thirty-seven point nine Fahrenheit. Or two hundred thirty-four point three Kelvin. Or—”

“Correct,” MJ says, forestalling any further commentary. “No points. What does the term ‘amensalism’ refer to in—”

“Wait, rewind?”

MJ glances up over her notes at Charles.

“I got it right,” he says, “so why don’t I get points for it?”

Michelle sighs, blowing a stray piece of hair away from her face. She writes an extra study note next to his name. “The melting point of mercury is negative thirty-eight point eight, but if you'd paid attention to your flashcards, you’d know the Basic Guide says it’s positive six hundred and fifty degrees celsius. Presumably because they confused it with magnesium. So, the answer you should give is positive six hundred and fifty degrees celsius.”

Michelle doesn’t bother looking up when no one responds—the silence communicates her team’s confusion all on its own.

She flips to the next card.

“Soooooo.” It’s Betty’s voice this time. “You want us to give the wrong answer on purpose?”

“Does your textbook still describe Columbus arriving in America as discovering a new land instead of starting a mass genocide?”

“Uh—”

“Great, so now that we’ve established we’re cool with lying for grades, next question. Amensalism. Any takers?”

Charles’s previous enthusiasm for the bell must have evaporated, because her question is once again met with silence.

“The correct answer is ‘a relationship between species that harms one with no effect on the other,’” Michelle says. Then she gathers up the cards and straightens them by tapping the deck against the table. “We’re done with practice questions for today; break for individual study. And for the future, please cross-reference your answers and if you come across one that’s incorrect, memorize both the correct and stated answer and let me know about it for the record.”

The seven students on the stage just stare at her.

“So like.” MJ gestures towards the study tables. “Dismissed.”

She watches them slink off the stage and set up around the room, some in clusters of two and others preferring to study alone. Mr. Harrington’s out sick and the teacher that’s supposed to be helping is… incompetent, judging by the fact that she’s been snoring for the last fifteen minutes, so that just leaves Michelle in charge today.

It’s not a great day for that.

MJ sighs again, then swipes the Music Basic Guide off the desk and walks over to where Ned’s texting furiously in the far corner.

“Hey.”

Ned doesn’t seem to notice her. MJ reaches out over the table and then abruptly drops the book, which is considerably hefty, directly in front of him with a loud bang.

“Whoa!” Ned jerks upright. “Hi?”

MJ nods towards the phone. “That Peter?”

“Uh.” He tilts the phone away, suddenly very interested in her not seeing the screen. “Yeah. He uh, he said he’s on his way.”

“He always says that,” Michelle says. “Tell him MJ says that she’s highly aware of his growing absences—not in like, a creepy stalker kinda way—but in a she will literally kick him out of AcaDec kinda way. We only have nine spots and we need them all at one hundred percent if we’re going to win this year.”

“Good thing I’m here then!”

MJ turns just in time to see Peter, red-faced and breathless, slide into the seat next to her.

He drops his book bag onto the table—the noise once again startling Ned—and then has the audacity to ask, “Did I miss anything?”

She stares at him. “You’re half an hour late, Peter.”

“Which is still earlier than I was yesterday—”

“You realize that makes your argument worse, right?”

“—and Ned filled me in on pretty much everything, so, no need to backtrack for me.”

MJ pins Ned under the weight of her stare. “Oh he did, did he?”

Ned doesn’t even have the decency to look guilty about it, though he does shove his phone in his pocket awfully quickly. “You know what, now that we’ve established that I’m a great friend and teammate, I’m going to be even better and get us some snacks.”

Michelle’s eyes widen. “Ned, wait—”

“I’ll just run to the vending machine and back, don’t wait for me to get started!”

Ned then grabs his bag and is headed out of the room before she or Peter can get a word in, leaving both of them alone.

Michelle folds her arms on the table and lays her head in her hands, and groans.

Peter, mercifully and uncharacteristically, is quiet. After a few moments she hears his chair scrape against the linoleum floor as he finds a more comfortable position, and then the sound of the zipper on his backpack as he pulls out his study cards.

Michelle closes her eyes and ignores all the things she needs to fix, and probably all the eyes that’re pretending not to stare.

“So,” Peter says, somehow almost immediately after her heart stops pounding in her ears, “wrong answers, huh?”

“So many.” MJ drags her head back up and draws patterns on the table with her finger. “Or at least three, I guess. There’s probably more I haven’t found yet.”

“Still, the fact that you noticed them at all is really cool,” Peter says. “You’re good at detail stuff.”

“Or maybe just good at finding bullshit.” MJ chances a quick glance over at the sub to make sure she didn’t hear that. Mrs. Haney, predictably, is still asleep. “But I shouldn’t have had to find them at all. The USAD started charging for study materials this year instead of just handing out the topics, and the price was—a lot. Midtown’s already facing budget cuts, so they didn’t love the idea of spending money on a club run by a sophomore.”

Peter highlights a phrase on one of his cards before writing it down in his notebook. “But you got them, right? That’s got to count for something.”

“Yeah, until I found out they were a complete waste.”

“Complete might be an exaggeration—”

“Well, they’re not good enough!”

Peter pauses halfway through writing a sentence and turns his full attention to her, and it’s—a little nerve-wracking.

“I just—” Michelle grasps for words, then settles by dumping out the flashcards she’d made with the highlighted errors. “Will you look at this disaster? Switching up the melting point of a metal isn’t just a typo; it’s lazy. And easy to miss. We’re going to have to fact check practically everything in the books because there’s no way of knowing where the mistakes are, and who knows if they’re going to quiz us on the right answers or the wrong ones. They just… they charged all this money and they don’t even care who it hurts, because they still get what they wanted.”

“Amensalism,” Peter says.

“Wow, Ned really did tell you everything.”

Peter grins, and Michelle tries very studiously to ignore the way his smile makes her feel a little softer inside. “He’s a very efficient texter.”

MJ rolls her eyes. Peter doesn’t seem bothered.

“I just. Liz chose me for this.” Michelle shrugs, picking at her cuticles. “And since she’s… I just feel like I owe it to her to do it right.”

Peter rubs idly at his wrists, suddenly uninterested in meeting her eyes. “Yeah. I get that.”

For once, despite his hesitancy, Michelle can tell he’s not lying.

It’s a nice change of pace.

Then she awkwardly fist bumps his shoulder and concentrates, intellectually, on how infuriating his flakiness and normal lying-ness is.

He is a disaster. And not interested.

She doesn’t need this kind of distraction.

“Anyway,” she says, abandoning her thoughts and pulling into a stretch, “it’s already done, so. I have to make this work somehow. I’ll figure it out.”

Except, there’s so much work to do already. Student profiles with strengths and weaknesses demarcated, logistics of traveling together for meets, a study plan complete with alternates, a recruiting strategy for next year, and not to mention all the drills she needs to run. Maybe an angry letter campaign to the USAD board while she’s at it.

Peter clears his throat. “Maybe I could help?”

Given his previous participation in AcaDec it is, quite possibly, one of the last things she’d expected him to say.

“I could go through the physics section pretty quickly,” he says, “and Ned can take economics, and—”

“Peter,” she says, still recovering from the surprise of his offer, “you can’t even make it to practice on time and now you’re promising to do extra work?”

Peter has the decency to wince. “Okay, well. Yeah, that’s fair.”

“Yeah.” Michelle squares her shoulders, and resigns herself to the mountain of undeserved work. “But thanks for—”

“How about I just promise to help now? Since I am here?”

Once again, more staring.

“And then next time I’m here,” he continues, “I’ll just promise again.”

It’s utterly ridiculous, but he’s also utterly sincere.

“So you’re.” MJ frowns at him. “Promising to promise?”

“Yes, that.”

“…Huh.” Michelle squints at him. “You’re full of surprises, Parker.”

His eyes grow wide in that way that always makes her think, maybe. And then that stupid grin returns and makes her think a whole lot of other things.

“And one of those surprises is a highly informed understanding of physics.” Peter makes a ‘gimme’ motion with his hand. “Wanna give it a try?”

Michelle looks at him, and how genuinely earnest he is about the whole thing.

Maybe.

“Yeah,” she says slowly, opening the Math guide to the appropriate section. She scoots closer. “We can try.”

#fictober20 #michelle jones #peter parker #spideychelle #fanfiction #spiderman #based off a real event in 2000 #memsfic

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edwardsvirginity · 4 years

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Hey friends! Just a quick note to anyone who wants a link to my full new moon edit but is too nervous to ask for one!

1. I don’t bite! I’m promise I’m nice and I’m not gonna make u jump thru any hoops to get the link. U could literally do the bare minimum and message me “link pls” or even just send me my own post with the implication being u want the thing. I’ve given the link to everyone who’s asked so far, and there isn’t any reason I wouldn’t give someone the link, unless u went out of ur way to insult me, my family, and my cow, and then salted my fields and burned my crops. I know messaging strangers online is nerve wracking but i’m chill, i promise.

2. I know growing up i was told, over and over again, never to click on a link whose source i didn’t know or download something i didn’t know the contents of and that’s good advice!! i respect anyone who doesn’t want to go around downloading links from strangers. i get it. but also like...i’m a broke 24 year old who screamed at a Mac yesterday (in front of my boss) because i couldn’t figure out how to minimize a window. there’s significant evidence that technology actually goes out of its way to inconvenience me. i don’t really even understand how a virus works. but feel free to ask some of the people i’ve already sent links to if my links are sketch, genuinely. be safe!!

anyway, if i have already given u the link, and u want to reblog/reply to this to reassure nervous ppl that i’m nice and not giving out viruses, feel free! i just love this fandom and want to share this cool thing i made, yknow?

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quelsentiment · 3 years

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hi pal!! im sorry it's been a while since you've heard from me - this week got super busy with school & work and i've just been exhausted haha. yay for it being friday now! im bummed that the 2nd message i sent you last time didn't go through but at least i noticed and sent you a summary! how sad would it have been otherwise if you just got the first one sdfsfsdf why is tumblr the worst. I don't have tattoos so honestly im totally unqualified to be writing this au HAHA (1/?)

but i got so excited about the au that i wanted to go for it anyways! and i did watch a lot of tattoo related youtube videos haha. you're spot on about the fic being angsty but im reaching the end now so i'll be writing a lottt of fluff coming up hahaha. i'm so indecisive that im scared of the commitment of getting a tattoo more than the tattoo-getting process itself. but i guess im also sort of a baby when it comes to pain so there's multiple reasons lol! oooh halfway through is GREAT progress on your big bang! thats awesome! you've definitely got this. I have posted some other fics! i had to go check my ao3 to remember haha but ive got 9 works posted :) i've def been around for a while but only really gotten into writing later on. I think i officially joined the fandom in like...2012? wow, that feels like SO long ago now that i'm thinking back on it hahaha. eep! what about you? tbh i think having gotten into fic and writing is one of the main reasons im still around. im a TA too! thats so cool haha! this week is our last week of classes and finals are next week so its been sort of crazy. i taught my last class of the quarter on wed and its so weird to be done. this was my first time ever TAing but i really loved it! how has ur experience TAing been?? im in a phd program in biology/computer science (like sort of combining the two?) so thats what im studying! winter break is coming but i'll still have to work in my research lab, so its not much of a break but i wont have teaching or classes and plus i'll get a real break during christmas & new years! we're locked down again too but our rules for this time's lockdown have been very vague and confusing dsfsdfsd. but officially yes, same here! ive been in the habit of staying in anyways so it hasnt affected me too much hahaha. anyways that was a ton of messages but maybe that helps make up for being gone for a bit too? hope you're doing well & happy friday! any weekend plans? take care! -S xx

hi pal 💕

tumblr is The Worst™ (this time one of your messages came in four times 🤪)

but anyway, it’s nice to hear from you!! and don’t worry if you can’t make it every day, i know it’s a busy time with the end of term and all

oooh angst and fluff, aka the best combo!! it’s gonna be amazing i’m sure! and yeah, i think it’s the same for me, the pain doesn’t scare me that much, but it’s definitely a big commitment, so i don’t know if i’ll ever go through with it... what design(s) do you have in mind?

thanks so much! yeah i feel pretty good about it, i’m writing the majority of it in writing sessions with a friend, and that’s definitely helping with motivation! also i’ll get matched with an artist very soon, and i’m SO excited 😌

oh wow you’re almost an og fan 😳 the things you must have seen jsksjksj but yeah i totally get what you say about writing being the main reason why you’re still here. i only joined at the beginning of the year, but tbh if i hadn’t got into writing and also met a lot of friends here, i don’t know if i’d still be here, or just as a casual fan i guess

oh, what are your all-time favourite fics then? 👀

that’s so cool you’re a ta too, and that’s great you’re liking it so far! i never had to teach, most of what i do is marking and assisting in zoom classes, so it’s pretty laid-back. i’d love to try out teaching though, but it must be nerve-wracking, at least until you get used to it 😅 oh, biology/computer science sounds like a fascinating combo! at what stage of your phd are you? i’m currently finishing up my masters in linguistics. i might do a phd some time in the future, but it also sounds like a crazy amount of work, so idk... plus i have mixed feelings about making a career in academia 😐 did you start your phd right after finishing your previous degree, or did you take a break from studying at some point? oh and a research lab!! i was working at one too until i moved back here, i miss it 😌 idk how yours is, but mine definitely felt like home! it’s still nice you’ll get a break for the holidays though. do you have any plans?

hehe same here, they keep changing the rules about lockdown, but i also tend to stay home anyway, so i can’t say my life has changed that much this year 😬 as long as i’m allowed to take walks outside, i’m good

as for this weekend, my plan is: 1. getting ready for louis’ concert, 2. losing my shit during at louis’ concert, 3. recovering from louis’ concert (with some writing and cleaning and walking in between lmao) what about you? are you gonna be able to attend the concert?

thanks so much for your messages, it’s really lovely to get to know you 💕 hope you have a good weekend!

#holiday pal <3 #asks #Anonymous

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kagetsukai · 4 years

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Author Interview

I was tagged by @lechatrouge673. Thank you! Tagging: @shannaraisles @out-of-the-embers @thebakerstboyskeeper @allisondraste @sarenkascrawls @andrasste @queen-among-writers @bitchesofostwick @dickeybbqpit @ellstersmash @hollyand-writes @irlaimsaaralath @laraslandlockedblues @ma-sulevin @novamm66 @naiatabris @poweredbycoffeeandwine @roguelioness @schoute @thejeeperswife @veridium-bye @wardenari

Name: Shan

Fandoms: Dragon Age, primarily Inquisition and its various AUs

Where You Post: I cross-post the 'big' stories between Tumblr and AO3. I tend to keep prompts on Tumblr :)

Most Popular One-Shot: That'd be Fade To Black. That amuses me so much because it's Solas smut written by a Cullenmancer :P

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: I'm going to go with Dance Like No One Is Watching :D It's also the one I'm currently updating so that helps :D

Favorite Story You Wrote: At this point, that's Drops of Satina :D It was an impromptu idea that I started and FINISHED. That doesn't happen often around here ;) And I'm happy to have given Hannah a place to be herself ^_^

Story You Were Nervous to Post: I get nervous with every story I post, tbh. Every time I update I am worried that nobody will care and that it will just pass by without notice. I don't think I've tackled anything controversial, so that was never a fear for me. I think my very first fic was the most nerve-wracking, though.

How You Choose Your Titles: Usually I search for the theme of the story, then look for a lyric/poem/saying about it, then I try to make a pun out of it. Sometimes it'll be a play on words and sometimes I'll just use straight up lyrics. It depends! Strangely, titles aren't that hard for me

Complete: I've only ever finished three things and that's been the month-long challenges I wrote. I am currently working really hard to change that. Let's hope it works!

Incomplete: *hides my AO3 folder* Currently that's Dance Like No One Is Watching, Pure Intentions & Forging a New Path.

Do You Outline? Yes. I used to think I was a pantser, but I realized I was wrong. I don't over-outline, though. I get a general idea of what is going to happen and go from there. I don’t go too much into details, though, because that tends to kill my stories. Give a story the rails to be on and let it go :D

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started: I am in the process of organizing the plot and prompts for this year’s March Madness. I will be writing about a struggling actress Mai Pham (in modern Thedas) who is trying make a name for herself in Val Chevin. There is going to a romance with Creme de la Krem and it's going to be CUTE. I'm literally using a fluffy prompts list for this. I cannot wait.

I was going to write a story about Varric and Bethany, but it not only spoils my Hawke!fic, but is also ridiculously dark. From my past experience, having dark prompts in March is BAD IDEA (TM). So, I will revisit this once I finish writing Forging a New Path.

Do You Accept Prompts? Yes! That being said, I don't generally receive prompts unless asked for and that's okay with me :)

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: Dance!fic, actually! :D I have three (probably?) more chapters to write above what I already have written/posted and then I am done with it! There's some fun stuff happening, some minor cliff hangers, and then I am done! I cannot express how much that excites me. I NEED TO FINISH THIS!

#tag meme #author interview #fun times!

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otp-armada · 4 years

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A Time Capsule

I’ve been lurking across several fandoms spanning a decade now, since my days of reading “Bones” fanfics on fanfiction.net. Before any inkling of Ao3’s existence. Maybe longer, my memory is murky at times.

I’ve never made a splash in any fandom, so to speak. I’ve always been content to stand shrouded in anonymity, residing on the edges of fandom, never an active participant. Perfectly at peace to never have a voice. Never brave enough to want to be heard. It has only been in the last few years that I discovered Tumblr and felt comfortable enough in taking advantage of its anon feature to interact mostly with The 100/Bellarke crowd, “conversing” with one user in particular. In the instances I chose to speak, there was safety in knowing my words never had an identity attached. A safety that lent itself to sending anon asks a fairly common activity until I wrote one recently sharing a remnant of my “The 100” viewing experience. The warm response from the users who read it left me smiling for the rest of the day. Their reply took a direction I didn’t expect. They encouraged me to take credit for my words under my username, which of course, I didn’t have, not being a Tumblr user.

I was flattered by the response, bolstering me to continue the line of conversation with another ask and was met with reiterated sentiments.

In the wise words of one of those awesome people,

“I was the ultimate lurker for a long, long time. I had a Tumblr account for four years before I ever made a single post, and even then I had to be talked into it. And you know what? When I finally starting “talking,” it was so freeing! Even if no one else was listening, even if I was speaking into the void, I was no longer dependent on anyone else to share my thoughts and opinions. I could do that myself.”

I took the compliment but waived the advice. Tumblr is made of communities built upon sharing and I have always been unto myself an island. It goes against my shy, introverted nature to take part in a community. I have no business pretending I have a place there. None at all.

And yet, despite my misgivings, the idea wouldn’t leave me as I believed it would. I started to genuinely ponder the merits of creating a blog.

There are strong reasons to support the affirmative.

First, the utilitarian benefits. In the absence of a blog, I turned to alternative methods of archiving appealing posts. If by some miracle, the item count of my browser reading list hasn’t yet ascended to the thousands mark, it most assuredly rests in the hundreds. My camera roll queue has indubitably reached the thousands count, currently sitting pretty at 3,300. I shudder to think of the sheer number of my bookmarks. One hundred and eighty notes on my phone. The final frontier has been broken, at last, habitually inundating my laptop with screenshots. Long has it been overdue to clean house.

Second, I find writing to be a herculean undertaking I enjoy in the moments it doesn’t drive me to the brink. A slow-going process, but when I’m able to appreciate the fruits of my labor, marvel at the polished product, I often feel quite proud. Writing is a skill I’ve lost touch with over years of disuse but found incrementally returning while expressing my opinions via Tumblr asks. Like any skill, it can be honed with time and practice. Transferring my streams of consciousness onto written medium challenges me to think critically, ask myself if my POV genuinely holds true or falls apart, requiring further reflection. If nothing else, it’s a good way to process thoughts and emotions. I find it easier than and therefore preferable to oral communication. I am a perpetual editor, always amending my statements which can’t really be done as effectively in speech.

Third, if there was ever a time to join the Tumblr fandom I’ve found a home in for the last three years, why not in time for the show’s last ride? The night I signed up for Tumblr coincided the first day of “The 100” cast and crew filming their 100th and poetically final episode. Around the same space of time, we got a release date and the nostalgic goodbyes of a few cast members rolled in. I know when Bellarke crosses the last threshold, I’d want it plastered all over my dash and I’d be able to make it happen.

But where there are pros, the cons inevitably follow.

Do I really need a further distraction from my responsibilities, spending additional hours and expending more energy I should not spare online? The too easy potential for more hours behind a screen when prone to headaches and horrid habits of not regulating my eating and sleeping schedules? The answer is a clear and resounding “No.” Would maintaining a blog be harmful to my mental and emotional health? Remaining anonymous has historically done a fine job of insulating me from general rebuke, which has mitigated the risk of reproach at least. No corner of the internet can be designated as a safe space. I knew I would in all likelihood have to work diligently to curate and be responsible for my experience, leading me to doubt how the effort could possibly be worth it. How could it be worth feeling exposed, self-conscious? Constantly second-guessing myself, debating whether or not my thoughts are best kept within the privacy of my mind to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes? Combating the periodic skepticism that my thoughts possess value worth writing?

There was always the lingering possibility I was overthinking the decision to my detriment, as is my norm. After all, it seemed silly and dramatic to regard one obscure little blog in a sea of hundreds of millions of social media users as momentous. But I know myself better than that. It is a really fucking big deal for me.

I vacillated between both sides of the argument for days before deciding not to follow through with the venture.

And then one night, a single stray observation ran through my mind. One observation became another, became another and before I knew it, I had formed the grounds for an entire meta post. It didn’t end there. More ideas filtered through. I expanded on those ideas. More traction gained. Another meta formed. More jumping off previous points. Before long, I had mentally written the foundations for four metas. And I was so excited and proud of forming these connections to this puzzle without even trying that I wanted to share it. I sat down to write them in my trusty Notes, outlining, trying to jot the main points down before they fizzled away from memory. I saw how long-winded these spiels had gotten sans the full writeup, subsequently rationalizing…well, not blowing up someone’s inbox is just good manners, isn’t it? And terribly inefficient to boot. More to the point, it seemed a disservice to myself to censor my rumination to fit the small confines of a Tumblr ask box.

The part of me that wanted to push forward envisioned what the future of my blogging efforts may look like. That part knows that this blog is for me and only me. What makes me laugh, what makes me cry. Smile. Rage. Flail. Think. Whatever the hell I want. I get to say what I want, however, I want. It’s incredibly nerve-wracking. It’s also exciting, thrilling, and yes, freeing. The notion of carving out a tiny space for me to fill to the endless brim with whatever brings me joy makes me…really damn happy. It’s not an easy feat to accept and harder to retain. I should be ok, so long as I never forget that I get to be in control of what happens here. It’s within my right to block anyone I don’t want to engage or associate with. It’s my full right to not care what anyone else has to say if I don’t want to. Block out anything negative I don’t want to endure with only a few clicks. If I decide I want to walk away, permanently or otherwise, for any reason, it’s within my right to do that too. It’s comforting.

There was a time when I “knew” I would never sign up for an Ao3 account until one of my favorite authors withdrew the majority of her stories from public consumption. I “knew” I was never going to post commentary until I did. I “knew” my username would never be seen by anyone aside from me, never to be affiliated with my commentary until it was.

I did. Each and every time I thought I would never, I did. I broke my own barriers with patience and some courage. Maybe the most intimidating aspect of something new is simply the beginning. I said earlier that I’ve been an island for nearly as long as I can remember. It’s still true, I don’t expect overnight results. It’s probably going to be true for a long time. Perhaps forever. But maybe it’s all the more reason why I should take this step toward peeking out of my self-imposed shell. Do what scares you, or whatever it is they say.

I wish I could say it was enough to reverse my earlier verdict.

Nope, I had to agonize some more.

What can I say? Fear is a damn powerful inhibitor.

Lo and behold, as if the universe took pity on me, I got the chance to communicate directly with the same awesome lady whom I quoted above and she kindly offered some more merciful wisdom to a truly maddeningly indecisive individual:

“When you create a blog, you are STILL anonymous. You have a username, yes, but it doesn’t lead back to you unless you want it to. You still have your personal privacy. Tumblr isn’t Facebook. If you want to disclose personal information, you can, but you certainly don’t have to.

And second, your blog is for you, not for anyone else. It’s for you to express your own opinions. Or create gifs or other visuals. Or just repost what other people create. You can be on every day, or just once a week. It’s also a great way to save stuff you might want to look at again. And then… and then… when brilliance suddenly hits you, you have somewhere to let it hang out! 😁”

It was much I had already considered, but it helped immeasurably to have my reasoning reaffirmed from an external source I respect. I logged into Tumblr for the first time the very same night.

After much deliberation, an uncharacteristic burst of bravery and a grueling four hours I owe to technological ineptitude, I have, tentatively and cautiously, opted to give this Tumblr thing a go.

With luck, a day will never arrive when I dust this preamble off for a much-needed pep talk. Instead, it is my hope that one day, this memo-to-me will stand as proof that I don’t always need to be afraid of the unknown. Not all endeavors have to be as frightening as they may appear. And if I can apply this attitude to all else suppressing my personal growth, I might just be peachy someday.

Bearing this in mind…

…here we go.

#about me #personal

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