#but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way

[just-rogi]

.

#like I’m sorry #I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me #and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard #and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles #but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way #and has never worried about money as a kid #and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course #but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book #like she did everything she can to understand and relate #but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone #because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am #and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping #I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind #but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child #that are impacting by daily life and interactions #and like I feel so fucking alone #and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING #I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops #I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd #especially not therapists of color #I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months #and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me #like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having #flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking #and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me #because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before #like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very #upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis #and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it?? #I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary

[givemeanaccountalready]

Haruka Sakurai: Breakdown of a Soggy, Blue Blorbo (2/2)

On the previous post, I did a play by play of “Weakness” and highlighting what I thought was important. Then, I introduced my theory that the girl in the pink dress that we see in “Weakness” is Haruka’s younger sister, and that something happened to her during the night of the fireworks.

So, I gave my theory, but what else proves my theory because it is built on the straws I grasped. I mean, in the Trial 1, (written) Interrogation Question 7, Haruka states that his family only includes his father, his mother, and himself. There is no mention of a little sister. If his sister didn’t die the night of the fireworks (and I’m leaning towards she survived that night), then I think she is the person who Haruka killed before he went to Milgram. And when you have a deceased family member, especially an immediate family member, there is the rather painful question of whether or not to include them in your list of family members.

The reason I’m still so dang hung up on the idea of the Girl being Haruka’s sister? Haruka’s jealousy. There’s your parent comparing you to the neighbor’s kid who eats all their vegetables and does their homework without complaint, and then there’s Haruka going “you would get angry with me and say ‘You’re hopeless’ / … / It’s fine, it’s all my fault right? It’s enough, I am a disappointment” like there’s a golden child-scapegoat situation and Haruka is the scapegoat. He isn’t a reliable narrator, but he’s what we got. And it’s easier to hold the scapegoat stay down if their golden child sibling is ‘perfect’ and doesn’t have the same issues as them despite having the same parent(s). “All-Knowing All Agony” kicks off Haruka stealing his mother’s necklace to these lines, which imply that he is competing with someone:

“You were always comparing me to someone else / You were always so generous, except to me / I will definitely make you love me again”

It’s probably not his dad. Haruka’s dad is absent. I can say that much with certainty. We are two music videos in, and haven’t seen hide nor hair of his father. In Trial 1, Interrogation Question 5, Haruka states that, “I disappointed him,” and in Trial 2, Interrogation Question 6, Haruka writes that, “He’s not that interested in me. I guess?” His father isn’t one of the people he wants to see, and he placed Es as his mother figure, not father or the more gender neutral parental figure. Any daddy issues about not having an involved dad pale in comparison to the Norman Bates level mommy issues that Haruka has due to her revoking her love for him.

Then there are the damn flowers. If I was right about the yellow flowers in “Weakness” being yellow camellia in my previous post, we know Haruka is longing for (unconditional) love. Haruka is looking at the girl, not his mom when the flowers first appear. Was his sister the first person to unconditionally love him? Does he long for the happy days they used to have when they were kids, back before the night of fireworks happened?

In the odd chance that they were yellow carnations, then the meaning is rejection. Haruka was rejected by his mother in favor of his sister. There’s the disappointment undertone, highlighted by the remarks that he’s hopeless and crazy and a disappointment. In “All Knowing All Agony” one line in the chorus was “If with one click, and I can reset everything / Can I be your favorite next?” And then that line changes at the end to be “I want to be your favorite next” These lyrics could be directed towards the audience, but if I’m right or have half a point with my theory here, he could be asking his mother if he can be her favorite child next. And I just want to say, in his Trial 2, Interrogation Question 20, (Do you hate the person you killed?) Haruka writes, “I wonder… I think I was envious of them.”

And here’s the girl we see him choking:

Does that hairstyle look familiar?

You gotta love animation. People may get haircuts but they need to keep their identifiable features present when they change their looks. It is hard to tell, but the Girl from “Weakness” has a face-framing hair just off of her temple. It’s hard to see on the ground of “All-Knowing All Agony” but it looks like the girl Haruka is strangling has a thick braid, just like the young girl from “Weakness”.

Interestingly, despite all his talk in his first trial song about wanting to be weak and pitiable so he can be loved again, in the Trial 2, Interrogation Question 15, Haruka states that if he had one wish, “[he’d] want to become a strong, smart, and interesting person.” I think the reason why he was obsessed with being perceived as weak and pitiable goes a bit deeper than him remembering being loved as a weak, little boy. This is speculation, but if your younger sibling gets hurt when you were supposed to be watching them, there’s a good chance your parents will come down hard on you for letting it happen. Because they were your responsibility, why didn’t you take care of them? Kazui pointed it out in his interrogation question. A part of growing up is taking up responsibility (something kids can get away with ignoring) and that can be terrifying. If Haruka’s first taste of what happens when you neglect your responsibility (watch your sister) is his sister being seriously injured and the consequences go beyond just disappointing your father to now causing your mother to take back her love, and you’d be a wreck over growing up too. As an older brother, Haruka is supposed to play the protector role. You need to be stronger and smarter than the threat but you weren’t and now everyone hates you. But you were loved when you were still seen as too weak to protect yourself, let alone your younger sibling. Can’t you go back to that?

I could see that being twisted into Haruka loathing his sister as the mental wounds fester. He can’t go back in time and change the past. But if his sister never existed, or ceased to exist, then his mother would have to love him again right? Everything would be reset. Look, his mother certainly wasn’t taking him to therapy and now he has an appointment scheduled at Arkham when Milgram is done with him.

Another reason he could be obsessed with being weak and pitiable is that a chronically unwell sibling tends to attract the caregivers’ attention. Haruka probably saw his mother dote on his sister while rejecting the strong, healthy him and made the conclusion that only the weak are loved.

To summarize:

To sum up what I’ve written so far: I think that the Girl from “Weakness” is Haruka’s younger sister and first human kill. I don’t think he killed her on the night of the fireworks, but I do think he either saw someone hurt her and blamed himself for it (which his mother and father possibly confirmed in their actions to him), or he was the one to (accidentally) hurt her and he wasn’t allowed or able to forgive himself for it, regardless of what his sister thought. Haruka’s obsession with being weak and pitiable so he can be loved probably stemmed from the attention and care his sister received from their parent(a) while recuperating from her injuries. Or his jealousy led him to think that he needed to be the weakest by default and he killed his sister.

Side note: I think there might also be a chance of Muu being his second chance at being a ‘better’ big brother and ‘protecting’ her. She’s around the estimated age for Haruka’s sister, and would not do well a physical encounter with injured Mahiru, let alone survive Kotoko and her steel-toed boots.

Tell me, what do y’all think?

#milgram project #milgram analysis #milgram theory #haruka sakurai #sakurai haruka #soggy blue blorbo analysis

[emilykaldwen]

@alexandria-millie asked me a BUNCH of Abby questions. Thank you!!

OC Questions on the Seven Forms of Love

Philia 3 - What qualities does your OC most value in a friend? Loyalty? Shared sense of humour? Or something else?

Abby values honesty and trust. She wants to find someone she can rely on in a world where honestly, she can't rely on. Or she does but doesn't quite trust. On a less serious note, she values lightness and humor, she likes friendships that you can escape in. Someone who shares in the optimism, who she can find laughter with. Friends you can have the peaceful silences with, or non stop laughter all night. People who will pull her from her comfort zone and go on adventures. Making friends in Westeros is really fucking hard omg.

Storge 1 - Did your OC's parents love them unconditionally? If so then has this helped them feel confident as an adult? If not then how has this affected them? What were the conditions their family attached to their relationship?

Lyonel and Celeste Strong loved Abby unconditionally. She was the baby of the family, and their only surviving child. Because Abby was so young when she lost her parents, they're pillars of perfection in her head and so part of her character journey is understanding that her parents weren't perfect, and she doesn't have to be perfect. They made mistakes, or were fierce in their own ways, and it's such a valuable lesson.

Storge 3 - How far does parental approval (imagined or expressed) impact upon their current sense of self-worth? What might they sacrifice or attempt to achieve in order to ensure the approval of their parents?

Abby very much is someone who wants to be a good girl. She wants to be the best girl, and she's a little teacher's pet. She's the friend who your parents would trust out of the friend group who you put forward to ask permission. And something Abby struggles with is wanting to be the perfect Lady, she wants to be the best she can be, as she told Otto in chapter one, she wants to reflect well upon her grace, the Queen. And a lot of this goes into that character journey of do I need external validation? or do I simply need my own.

Storge 4 - Does your OC have any siblings? If so then did their parents have a favourite growing up? Has their relationship with their sibling changed in adulthood? If they don't have any siblings then do they perhaps feel they have missed out on an important relationship? Do they have any especially close friends who go some way towards filling that role?

Abby has a few siblings! There was Harwin, and now there's Larys and Corynna, who share a mother. Cory is married to Tyland and Jason's younger brother and lives in Lannisport. However there's such an age gap that basically you could say Abby grew up as an only child. And even with as close to the clutch as she is, she does miss these sibling relationships bound by family like that, which is a big reason why she tries to find them through others. She's lonely, and I think she very much feels like she misses out on it. Her closest friend has been Helaena, and it does go a long ways to filling that role, and now Wylla is there as well.

Agape 5 - Does your OC find it easy to empathise with their enemies? Or do they see it as important to dehumanise them in order to combat them with sufficient determination?

Abby's a bleeding heart lol. It takes a lot for her to be angry, to let herself be angry. She doesn't enjoy being angry, she doesn't enjoy hate, because she sees so much of it (gesturing to team black vs team green). When Abby discovered what it means to have an enemy? It's going to be very interesting but I don't think she would ever need to dehumanize someone to do it.

Ludus 4 - Who was your OC's first crush? How do they feel about it now?

First crush? NOT AEGON (mostly). Her first crush was on Ser Gwayne when he came to King's Landing to brind Daeron to Oldtown. He was dashing and handsome, an image of a true knight with the bonus of not being someone she'd grown up around. No one in KL is like Gwayne. I guess we'll have to see how she feels about it now

Ludus 5 - What seduction techniques are most likely to be effective when it comes to your OC? Are there some things guaranteed to get them going? Or are they immune to such things?

Aegon, who regularly tries to slut himself out of trouble, is probably the better answer on this. Abby's not a tough nut to crack by any means, even though she tries to be. She responds very well to soft acts - tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, murmuring into her ear what you'd like to do to her, the teasing and anticipation work incredibly well for her. Also call her a good girl.

Pragma 4 - After the initial fires of passion cool to some degree, what would keep your OC engaged in a relationship? Shared goals? Similar values? Or contented companionship?

Contented companionship my underrated fave. The peaceful silences. The simple co-existence. Love is a choice that's made every day and I think it's important that amidst the passion, those moments are found. Enjoying each other's company is a huge thing, and actively seeking one another out.

#oc: abrogail strong #fic: the maiden and the drowning boy #omg this took me forever holy shit #I hope these answers are satisfying! #I really had to think on the friendship one.

[meltotheany]

Goodreads | Amazon US | B&N | Blackwell’s | Bookshop ARC provided by the publisher via Netgalley i feel like all my friends who also loved this one, were all by my side here on goodreads, back in the early 2010s, reading all the paranormal romances known to man (or that our moms kept on their bookshelves). the nostalgia for books like riley jenson, black dagger brotherhood, kate daniels were so very felt. yet, this book completely stands on its own and is a really good book that i highly recommend. and this book had so many of my favorite paranormal romance trope sets – forbidden romance, bonded fated mates, and of course a marriage of convenience between our two main characters: ➛ misery – vampyre who has been living amongst humans her whole life, but finds herself as the key component in an alliance that will keep the peace with her people, while also having her own human inspired agenda for this forced arrangement. ➛ lowe – werewolf alpha who is still asserting his new dominance over his people, while also trying to assess who he can trust or not, while also being an amazing caretaker for his little sister. “I would take anything she chose to give me—the tiniest fraction or her entire world. I would take her for a single night knowing that I’ll lose her by morning, and I would hold on to her and never let go. I would take her healthy, or sick, or tired, or angry, or strong, and it would be my fucking privilege. I would take her problems, her gifts, her moods, her passions, her jokes, her body—I would take every last thing, if she chose to give it to me.” and they had me truly rooting for them, unable to put this book down, after the very first scene of them together. but this also has a pretty big mystery plotline that took me by surprise, and also completely enthralled me. and ultimately this had such a big emphasis on found family and finding your own pack of people you love and trust unconditionally that i feel like i just ended up loving the entire cast of side characters too. let’s just embrace the bullet points and quickly talk about other things i really loved:➛ obviously vampires and werewolves➛ arranged marriage but forbidden romance➛ one bed scene(s)➛ the cutest little sibling ever➛ the sweetest brother and sister relationship x2➛ and also a really heartwarming found family / best friend relationship⤷ It was truly giving bryce and danika but better➛ a big appreciation of peanut butter➛ an amazing epilogue that will hopefully set up a book two in this world i will say that there was a very unnecessary and annoying third act conflict that just didn’t make sense to me (and made me side eye lowe a little), but i still really enjoyed this one and it was such a fast paced read that really tugged at my heartstrings in all the found family ways. i think i just really like ali hazlewood’s stories, and i always end up connecting with them on some level, and that just enhances my reading experience each and every time. i recommend this to all my romance friends, but i extra recommend it to all my pnr friends who want a little extra nostalgia on top of a really good story. lastly, and least importantly, if i ever dated anyone named misery, i feel like i would have to send hayley williams or paramore royalties. because the way misery business was living in my head rent free while reading this was actually insane. content warnings from the author (please use caution for potential spoilers): death of several people within the context of a war between different species (vampires, werewolves, and humans) is mentioned, several mentions of blood, kidnapping, mild violence, poisoning and attempted murder, attempted kidnapping/harming of a child (she is unharmed), death of a parent (off page in the past and off page in the present), explicit and graphic sexual content, knotting (the mmc’s apparatus is not quite human?), cursing and vulgar language other trigger + content warnings i found while reading (ali’s books really do have such good tws – ...

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#2024 #Ali Hazelwood #ARC #ARC Review #Book Blog #Book Blogger #Book Review #Book Reviewer #bride #meltotheany #Netgalley #Paranormal #paranormal romance #PNR #Romance #Signed Books #Vampires #werewolf

[myriadxofxmuses]

@indiestarter

Open to: Thomas Shelby, Peaky Blinders fandom/Canon divergent aus (set during season 2 and beyond. Will be pro-ship, slow burn, length will vary)

Muse: Emily. (Cliff's note bio: She had three brothers. All were called to war. Her parents are deceased, so she volunteered to be a nurse (having started training while married to her first husband - who has divorced her over her inability to provide him a family. Her miscarriages and subsequent finding of being barren adding to his decision.) while her siblings were off fighting. They all end up perishing. She moves to start a new as a nanny - her nurse training a plus for families. Becomes Ada's nanny for Karl after her husband dies and that's how she's brought into the Shelby's world.)

Emily had just gotten Karl down for the night when Ada came home from work. She was busy finishing up dinner and cleaning up the kitchen.

"Karl's just been to bed," she called out as she turned off the sink and shook her hands clean. "He tried his best to stay up for mum, but his little eyes got too heavy for him," she reported as she made their plates.

Ada walked in, half furious, half in shock, and made her way to the small kitchen table. She set her things down, the house keys Tommy had given her included, and scoffed.

"What are those?" Emily asked as she brought their plates to the table, motioning to the keys as she sat.

Ada remained silent, still in disbelief that her brother found her. His reach really was far. Farther than she expected. She would never be able to outrun the Shelby name, no matter how desperately she tried to.

"Ada?" Emily asked, pausing her meal in concern. "Are you alright?"

"My brother, Tommy, gave me a house earlier today," she finally admitted.

"Really! That's wonderful," she told her excitedly. "Now maybe you won't feel so cramped," she offered in continued congratulations, referring to a recent conversation about Karl and his growing need for space.

"I'm not taking it," Ada told her almost emotionless.

"Not taking it? Why? Ada, this is a good thing. You just said you wanted more space for Karl to play and grow, but we're worried you wouldn't be able to on your salary. Now you can."

"I'm not taking it because it comes from filthy Shelby money. Money my brother only uses for his own personal gain. Nothing more," she explained further. "My brother is only doing this to further his 'business' and to keep tabs on me. He can't accept that I've given up the Shelby name."

Emily could hear the disdain for her brother in her voice. She'd divulge enough to know the tensions between Ada and her family back in Birmingham - the races, the danger, the constant drama. Even how Ada's newfound communist beliefs pushed them away. . Emily had heard most of it, but what she had also gotten out of it was that the Shelbys were tight-knit. Nothing got in between their bond or their loyalty.

Emily stopped eating and took hold of Ada's hand, bringing the woman's attention to her. "Ada. I know you're angry with your brothers, but Tommy obviously loves you or he wouldn't have wanted this to be yours," she said placing the keys in her hands. "Families fight. All of them. My brothers and I would argue until the cows came home sometimes. I couldn't stand it and I'd wished them dead more than once," she admitted with a soft, sad chuckle. "But there is nothing I wouldn't do to bring them back for a day - even if it meant fighting with them. Don't throw away what little good the Shelbys do because of differing beliefs and past tragedies."

"You don't know Tommy."

"No, but you do. And it is obvious he loves you and only wants the best. For both you and Karl and it seems to me that he is trying to make it right with you," Emily assumed. "Give him a chance."

Ada couldn't believe Emily was siding with Tommy. Without so much as a hello nonetheless. But she was right on some level. Ada knew Tommy loved her unconditionally. Regardless of her anger and dislike toward him currently, she couldn't dent he'd always been there in the past.

"I'm not saying you have to go back to being friendly with him or the rest of the Shelby clan. But it can't hurt to at least go and see what he's given you," she said putting the keys in her hand.

She took the keys and rolled them in her grip. Taking anything from Tommy always meant there was a catch. But she did need a bigger place. And his arrival, though infuriating, was convenient.

"Fine. But we're only going to look. I don't want to be in Tommy's pocket just for a bigger roof over our heads."

------

The two women looked up at the house the next afternoon. It was beautiful. And big.

"Shall we head inside?" Emily asked with a smile, still hopeful Ada would change her mind about the place.

And it had.

It would only take the women a few days of constant work to be moved in and settled. And another few weeks after that when a knock came calling as Emily put Karl down for his afternoon nap.

"Can I help you?" she asked the man on the other side once she'd opened the door.

#open starter #indie rp #open rp #peaky blinders rp #tommy shelby rp #thomas shelby rp #oc rp #open #starter #open roleplay #indie roleplay

[grapecaseschoices]

infam0us 0c rambIings part3

Ask, Part 2

Storge – Unconditional, Familial Love.

1- Did your OC’s parents love them unconditionally? If so then has this helped them feel confident as an adult? If not then how has this affected them? What were the conditions their family attached to their relationship?

It is hard to answer this because we haven't met the dad yet and we also know mom and dad weren't around. I think, from the bit we got, the answer MIGHT be more yes than MC thinks but -- IDK. So partial response.

Team Angry: Ori, Hiyam

Ori: I think Ori has no belief that his parents love him unconditionally. He supposes they do love him but it is very much that qoute: If you love me, Henry, you don't love me in a way I understand. It definitely adds to, if it is not the root of, his insecurities / low self-esteem. And it is definitely the root of his anger and frustration -- and Ori isn't typically one to get ANGRY [BUT he can become highly frustrated, and even feel defeated at times]. It isn't as bad as it could have been because I gave him parents. And he had Seven. For a time he never doubted that SHE loved him sans conditions.

Hiyam: Hiyam actually was, as well, rather unaffected beause she had Seven. I think it seeped into her but she never made time/had the time to really process her parents love - conditions or sans - because 1) they were off making [her] money 2) because, of course, they had expectations of her -- they had white collar jobs and she is their daughter; in her mind it helped push her 3) to a point it became a weird mix of the distance suiting her nature while it was all she knows. 4) She had Seven. Like around the age that even Hiyam couldn't explain away her parents absence, Seven came in like a wrecking ball -- and brought Lucy with her. They fed any empitness she might have -- and Seven came in like a wrecking ball that she was totes too bamboozled to notice anything else. It is not until the shine of Seven disappeared, Hiyam started noticing the cracks in her life. So idk, it did affect her but not in anyway she noticed/is willing to notice [tho it is hard not to recall the lack of support when faced with the Hollands]

Team Indifferent: BJ, Alana, Lala [of sorts]

BJ: It didn't affect him yet it kind of did. I don't think - like Hiyam - BJ weighed too much "do mom and dad love me?" because he had -- duties to fill, one could say. He was busy focused on fulfilling expectations and I think there was the belief if he was a "good kid", they wouldn't be disappointed. Eventually he came not to care. I think he realized - or felt - they didn't love him unconditionally but it was THEIR problem. It is like "Your behavior toward me is not my responsibility. How I react, is" Does it hurt? Yes, at times. But he’s not going to let that control his life.

Alana: I think it led Alana to be disappointed and more eager for their approval than she might want to be -- which probably translated to her bad luck with romance. But eventually, she's kind of tired and brittle regarding the question. She has kind of given up [kind of because she is still disappoonted,amd maybe still hoping for their approval].

Lala: I think Lala is the only one who has learned to meet their parents where they are. Who is WILLING to do so. I don't know if they've made PEACE but its a wip.

2- Does your OC have children? If so then how fiercely do they love them? If they have more than one then do they love them all equally? If they do not have children then is this part of their future plans?

Team Kids: Alana, Bethany Josnel

Team Eh [Poooossiblllly]: Lala

Team But I'M Baby: Ori

Team WTF LOL: Hiyam

3 - How far does parental approval (imagined or expressed) impact upon their current sense of self-worth? What might they sacrifice or attempt to achieve in order to ensure the approval of their parents?

See 1. Though I might come back to this for Alana and Hiyam as the series goes on.

4- Does your OC have any siblings? If so then did their parents have a favourite growing up? Has their relationship with their sibling changed in adulthood? If they don’t have any siblings then do they perhaps feel they have missed out on an important relationship? Do they have any especially close friends who go some way towards filling that role?

Missed Out: Hiyam, Lala, Ori

Did not miss out: BJ, Alana ... Ori?

As for friend who fills that role: For Lala and Ori - more so for Lala - it is Seven. In their eyes he is their little brother. For Ori the band is family but there is no specific label to it -- tho if one pressed, then yeah. Hiyam: Not really? But also Rowan? For Alana and BJ -- I don't think so ... they do consider the band family, but in Ori's mind they're Lilo and Stitching it -- it is another level with/for him. For him with Seven, Seven is LIKE a sister -- she is his twin flame.

5 - Is your OC able to love without necessarily needing or expecting reciprocation or reward? Or are all their relationships to some extent transactional? Have they ever loved another person unconditionally, whether a child or another adult?

Alana: I almost was like duh, ofc the princess of love can love unconditionally -- then it hit ... Alana thinks she does. And she CAN. But so much of her dynamics have been transactional - outside if the band and Seven - and with her parents being as they are, there is definitely the belief that she needs to give something in order to get love back. But I think there is also the idea of when she does give and give, love should [or some mimicry] should be handed over. It isn't as egotistical as it sounds but I think it has led to a bit of selfishness as she finds her way out of what toxicity has burdened upon her shoulders. I think there is a lot of selfishness and expectation - at first - in her newly realized romantic love of Seven. The thought if she behaves well and pushes well, things will be solved.

So, no.

BJ: Sort of. I don't think he needs reciprocation but I do think he feels if he gives love he should be merited with others "good behavior" --- ahhh, okay now I see the parental issues 234trrte oh BJ. He did love Seven unconditionally -- I think. Now I am wondering.

Hiyam: Love is DEFFO transactional. LOL. The only [sort of] exceptions are Rowan and the band. And Orion. [Though she doesnt realize that yet.]

Lala: Love is not transactional. And yes they have.

Ori: He is sorta similar to BJ and Alana, yet not -- I think HE believes he must act a certain way, but he doesnt really expect love from it. Just being tolerated. Hence there no sight of reciprocation. He wants you to accept his existence, but he shall love you anway.

#character insight #insight: infamous #infamous ocs and love #new tag

[sabineelectricheart]

Trapping Natasha Rostova

Summary: Barbara is using Chad for his money. He lets her, at least for now, but he has a plan.

Rating: M - Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, or coarse language.

Mentions of violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Words: 1500

Notes: I quite like War and Peace. I think having Natasha here as a reference is really good, as it shows the twists in perspective.

Chad has known many debauched desires in his life, brought upon by affluenza, male hormones, youth, and little regard to his fellow man, but he had never estimated what pleasure it would be to lay on her lap beneath the shadow of an old oak tree standing in the grounds.

Just him and Barbara, and the book she was reading. Sunlight broke through the gaps in the leaves as they swayed in the wind, tickled his skin while the breeze refreshed him. Even if this is not a life that he feels that he could live forever, he sure hoped it would not end soon.

“Read to me?” He asked softly, a puppy-like quality to his demeanour.

Her expression turned sour for a moment before she shook her head, taking a deep breath, turning another page.

“It’s Russian realist prose, Chad. You wouldn’t like it.” She responded in between reading.

The football player huffed. I like everything you tell me, he wanted to say. It threatened to spill out, but he refrained, wondering if she would catch on to the subliminal meaning he put into it. She would, he wagers, as she is a lot smarter than he is.

It was true, was it not? Barbie liked to tell him what to do, and she is prone to send him on errands, fluttering her eyelashes at him as she told him what she wanted but could not have. Pity her, after all, with a wicked stepmother and a weak-willed father, who lost her scholarship in a corruption scandal, who has to survive on charity of others.

She wanted some fancy signature coffee here, a new book there. Some sweets, perhaps, or décor for the dorm room she shares with Trish. Jewels for her mother that she never sent, and alcohol for her father that she drank with her friends instead.

No matter what, if it was just that, Chad was happy to supply her, least she goes to someone else for it. He knows she had other ways of getting what she wants out of men, between that bastard Sutty, Officer Helms, Mr. Montgomery and Dean Monroe. The moments that he spends with her in return every few weeks or so is enough to still his hunger for a while, and he would not want to abdicate a single kernel of it.

How long would he be able to contain himself, though? Even if he was just a means to an end, Chad really loved Barbara. She is aware of it, which is why she used him so much. It might be castrating to submit himself in this way, but he could not bring it over himself to deny her a wish when she came to him as if he was her saviour. Even if, when he makes plans for the two of them, she cancels more than actually shows up, he could not be angry at her when she eventually fulfils her debts and asks him out for a walk or a party or a poetry session at the Student Union.

Times like those gave him enough fuel to carry on, to keep humouring her with his power and wealth as she desired. If not for his stand in society, she would probably not bat an eyelash at him, but he had rich parents and no siblings, and for that, she liked keeping him close.

For every good deed he did for her, Chad felt validated when she hugged him or kissed his cheek or, although rare, let him lay in her lap and nap for a while.

Even if he was aware of her intentions, he loved Barbie enough to overlook her playing with his feelings and using him. For how long, though? How long would he be able to keep it up? He wanted so much more, her attention and affection, he wants everything, and he wants it all for himself. He wanted it unconditionally, not just because she felt like paying him with it in exchange for anything else.

“You look mad, Barbs.” He noted, one eye open to watch her reaction.

Indeed, the corners of her mouth dropped as she heaved a long sigh, partly in annoyance, as he was interrupting her reading time. It must have been so uncomfortable for her to have him lay on her legs for hours just so she would please him for a bit. The price she had to pay…

“There’s just someone bothering me. It’s this group of juniors that keep spreading gossip and stuff like that. You know, they say I only use you and shit.” She puts the book aside to look at him ruefully. “You wouldn’t believe these rumours, would you?”

The football captain countered the self-pity she deceivingly assumed for herself with a smile, shaking his head. “Of course not, babe. I know that you love me for real.”

Chad might not be the brightest bulb in the shed, but he was well-raised and well-bred. He was taught to lie, and to do it well. He talks as if he wasn’t the one trying to sully her reputation around the university, and unless she catches him in the act, for all her intellect, she would not be able to figure him out.

It is all part of his plan, after all. If someone believes these rumours, Barbie would only have him to save her honour. Even so, no-one likes to stick around people who used others for their own gain. He is sure that ragtag group of friends of hers will soon disappear. At least Trish and Bryce would vamoose, as would April and Thomas. Once the story has festered, who would she turn to with all the will she had to give? He expects it would be him.

Barbara seemed surprised as he suddenly got up, the wind rustling through the leaves above them and flipping over the pages of the book she was reading.

“Do you want them dead?” He asks, point blank.

His words did not seem to reach her at first, as she remained quiet, her mouth opening much before she had processed the meaning behind his question.

“W-What...?” She eventually mumbled.

Their eyes met, serious intent shining in his. However, as spontaneously as the question had dropped into her life, the boy grinned again mischievously, plopping back down in her lap and shook his head.

“Just kidding!” He laughs, good-naturedly. “Can you imagine?”

“Oh...” The blond girl laughs nervously, clearly finding no humour in his joke.

The surprise and shock in her face was a welcome change in expression to what she usually wore around him. In fact, it probably was one of the sincerest showcases of feelings he had ever seen on her face.

“They can die all they want, I don’t care. They’re stupid.” She said as she tried to save herself, noticing him still watching her.

Putting on a tough act is not going to save her now, as it only made Chad realize how much more he wanted to see of her. Perhaps true love and sincere affection are not something she could ever show him, perhaps the sort of love that he first wanted is not in his reach, no matter what he does. However, it was a start to know that she could still experience the horror that he had to offer.

“Fine, then. I’ll go kill them now.” He said, unbothered by what he was talking about.

His casual tone failed to convey the horrifying implications of what he was proposing to do. As if it was yet again just an expensive gift that he was buying her, just a trinket of his affections. It would not hurt him, he has ways around any consequence for his actions, and he was happy to provide it if she benefitted from it.

Rocking himself upwards, he hesitated before standing up, instead reaching his hand out towards Barbara and pulling her close by her chin.

“Anything for you, babe.” He breathed against her lips, stealing the first kiss between the two before getting up and walking away.

All hell would break loose when he presents her with the heads of the students that he hired to spread the rumours about her. However, throwing a glance over his shoulder back to her utterly confused and flabbergasted form beneath the oak tree, he deemed it well worth the hassle.

Chad could not wait for her reputation to be buried with the bodies of the people he killed and the face she would make when no one believed she that he, the champion football captain, well-liked and respected throughout Sugardale, murdered so cruelly those poor and innocent souls.

In fact, he could not wait for all the emotions that Barbie would show him soon when he was the only one to still stick around her. He could not wait to see the face she would make when she realises her only friend left is the one she fears.

*_*_*_*_*

College Craze Masterlist

#college craze #Chad Vanderheim

[class1akids]

I've seen a meta piece going around saying that Shouto isn't kind like his brothers. Do you agree with this take?

Look, I've said this before, and I guess I need to say it again: I am never ever interested in using this blog to try to dissect other people's metas, so I find asks like this always infuriating and disrespectful of both me and of the other person. There is that whole DLDR idea in fanfic circles, which I think should be extended also to people who write meta. It actually takes time to prepare an analysis like that and even if you don't agree with it, it's disrespectful to try to run to other bloggers to stir up shit. Just close the browser and move on - it's not that hard. Or even better, take your own blog and write what you feel about it - and don't expect others to come with words that will express exactly your interpretation. We all filter these things through our own experiences and what one person takes away from it may be very different from what it means to you without there necessary being one right interpretation.

I will only ever give you my take on things and that's it:

For me, what stands out in the story is that all three Todoroki brothers struggle to perceive themselves as kind.

Which makes sense, because kindness is a very confusing concept - it's more than being "nice" or "polite" (the lady who refused to help Tenko after all was very nice, but not kind) and sometimes can come across as angry or violent (how Izuku punched some sense into Shouto during their match).

In a way, kindness is translating a capacity to love unconditionally and selflessly into actions, empathy, concern, patience, sympathy, understanding... There is not one single way to be kind, and normally people would experience and learn the many facets of such unthinking acts of kindness as expression of unconditional love in a family, from their parents and grandparents.

But in the toxic and broken Todoroki home, none of the children (maybe with the exception of Fuyumi, who had Rei in her formative years and wasn't burdened by Enji's expectation) could learn and internalize kindness in the normal way. Plus their sense of self is fully formed around Endeavor's ambitions - whether masterpiece or failure - they are only defined by how they measure up to Endeavor's goals and not as their own unique individuality that should be cherished on its own.

So while it's very clear that Touya, Natsuo and Shouto are all capable of kindness, neither of them is really capable of perceiving themselves as kind, which makes it hard to "choose" to be kind deliberately.

Shouto starts to break through this when he experiences Izuku's kindness and goes to see Rei, but even after months of practicing kindness, taking care of his mother, connecting with his classmates, protecting people, he's shook to the core when Izuku puts a label on his actions and calls him kind.

We know less about Natsuo, but judging from how his college major is about helping people like his mom or how he keeps showing up for his siblings' sake, he's definitely a kind person, but because he's so defined by his resentment towards Endeavor, he can't see it in himself.

And for Touya, who is locked in the deepest into his negative feelings, into the "failure" label stuck on him, and who I would argue has the least sense of self out of the Todoroki brothers in that he sees himself fully only as an extension of Endeavor (his fire, his failed creation) - it is probably the hardest to conceive of a self-image as a kind person. He may even see kindness as something that would undermine his goal of destroying Endeavor, so he rejects it and tries to rationalize it as self-serving.

I think all three of them are learning to recognize kindness in others and in themselves, and Shouto has made the most strides at this stage, because he started at the Sport Festival and has a strong support structure at UA of friends and teachers who not only embody kindness but help Shouto identify it in himself.

Natsuo, I think is generally kind in his everyday life, but struggles with kindness in the home environment, because he perceives a fundamental conflict between what he believes it should look like (be forgiving like Fuyumi) and what he wants to do (to cut Endeavor out of his life). And he needs help to see that not wanting to forgive his abuser doesn't make him an unkind person.

Touya is so wrapped up in his single-minded goal of destroying Endeavor that not only is he not capable of seeing himself as kind, he actively doesn't want to be seen like that by others - because accepting that he has kindness in himself would naturally lead to questioning the way he's going about his revenge (destroying outsiders, trying to kill his brother, hurting his fellow victims). He knows on some level that these things are not right of course, but as long as he's a villain, as long as he's unkind - it's ok for him to scorch the Earth in search of closure.

#c1a asks #todosiblings

[jeweled-blue-eyes]

i like to hc (or i think it’s canon. like it was heavily implied) that athy has a mental illness..? depression i think. ( pls let me have this ok! i know it’s so cliche but i also have mdd and her character just hits me esp her reincarnation as a person in our world and she... died 😭😭😭) also i like how functional she is? like yes she has dark thoughts a lot, but she has a good facade. she is strong (i mean she’s lived under poverty, no parents AND most likely worked at customer service) works hard, and smiles and keeps doing all of it, she doesn’t want to die bc of claude. do we know if she overdosed on purpose? was it an accident? we can’t know exactly. *LONG (AND I MEAN LONG) rant ahead i tried to make it make sense and this is just my own experience i’m sure other people will see it differently. you don’t have to read this, so please skip it if you don’t want to read this! and if you did and if you’d like, tell me what you think x*

what we do know is that she opened her eyes and she’s suddenly... a pitiful princess. and you know what? she’s not having any of this. she doesn’t want to have yet another shitty life. and yes she’s tired and she keeps wondering if what she’s doing is right. if she’s making the right decisions. when it gets REALLY hard she thinks “i thought i’d finally be happy”. she’s felt so lonely, and scared, finding a real friend like jennette, i think her fear of possible death if jennette were to be noticed by claude is surpassed by her wanting an actual connection with someone. to be loved. and who better than her sister? 🥺🥺 LISTEN IM A FIRM BELIEVER WMMAP SHOULDNT HAVE ROMANCE AS A MAIN THEME (especially in the novel where everything is more fucked up, here it’s more family centered) idk why they were shoving a lucas romance so fast when my girl athy is having a breakdown. for me, she just needed a friend. i think she had finally found a healthy connection to someone. jennette is her sister. and! she loves athy unconditionally. she’s never scared of her because she knows jennette would never want to hurt her. in fact, jennette would almost die for her like twice. (talking manhwa) i wish we could have focused more on the sibling bond in this story because it does athanasia so good. and i think, it’s a parallel with ana and claude’s relationship. athanasia and jennette, they choose to love each other and i think that’s so sweet. peak writing there spoon 💓🤧

also it’s like. a really good depiction of mental illness too (even if it was maybe? unintentional bc we only see the dark thoughts a few times, when claudes in a coma, especially but that works great because it often just. lingers and that’s why ppl don’t get treated until it’s serious and more dangerous.) she’s high functioning. i can see a lot of typical behavior? for some of us it impairs us, won’t let you even get out of bed or take care of yourself. losing interest in things you liked before is common etc but for others! work and study and it’s SO hard and there’s bad thoughts and all you can do is. eat something because food doesn’t really fail ever. smile! distract yourself by doing daily tasks, etc ☠️ i hope this isn’t too tmi i don’t wanna overshare. maybe someone will relate lmao. ANYWAYS the amnesia arc, this is my favorite lucas, sort of. like you know how i’ve said before that i have a love-hate relationship with this dude. this is kinda why, i wanna elaborate 😭. because im so angry at him right now

ok so yes lucas is not great! and his relationship with athanasia is... uhh! kinda unhealthy 🥴 like i feel like athanasia clings to him because he’s literally the only person who is there, but not under normal circumstances it’s not really an effort on his part because he’s super powerful and he’s not in actual danger. so he can’t really relate to the magnitude of these events like a normal person would. he thinks blowing things up is gonna solve their problems (that’s not problem solving lucas) when something traumatic happens lucas is put there so we associate security to him. you also said that he’s been a victim of abuse. so i can understand why things are happening like this (i’m not happy about it though they could have written something better😔) it’s sort of like clinging to people who show you the bare minimum of what is kindness because well. you’re scared of loneliness perhaps. or, you aren’t used to others being kind to you, and it feels nice. this can make some mentally ill people easy to manipulate, AND it can make others too clingy or controlling. i see it something like that. maybe in my case i like him bc of this? ☠️ i’m speaking from experience here

maybe athy has associated security with lucas. sense of security and the few instances where he’s kind, bc he’s bitch shaped, in the middle of all of the uncertainty. it’s not the best support someone could be giving and he’s definitely not a good person, but no one (jennette should but also we know they’re pushing for lucas/athanasia interactions so they just won’t let her be there with athy ugh 😩) else is there when athanasia is having these traumatic experiences (again probably doing this on purpose and it DOES sound manipulative doesn’t it? not lucas, the writing). i was actually expecting character development for lucas bc of the amnesia arc.

i finally saw him caught off guard for once, because athanasia is actively having “dark thoughts” (i’m calling them that but i really mean suicidal this is where i get the idea she did kill herself), and he didn’t want to show her the world tree branch because he’s scared she will die, that she will “leave him”. he cares for her but it’s a little more on the unhealthy side bc they’re both mentally ill. moving on. he also shows her the tree branch because hes scared she is feeling hopeless (very depressed). sure it hurts but if it means she stays alive, he will try to aid her if it makes her feel better. when he sees her like this, he relents and shows her it. the tree tells her of this method to cure her dad, and he gets angry because it will put her in danger and it’s uncertain that it will actually work. see, this is where i actually liked lucas. helping claude isn’t possible for him. in contrast to how he talks about aeternitas being weak, and being out of touch because well he’s THE wizard. this is one of the few things that he cannot do, so he is sort of in the same place as athy right now. a feeling of helplessness? he can’t do anything, as powerful as he is, to cure her father. and you know? it’s nice. i wish he had stayed like this.

if they hadn’t made him so powerful i would have actually preferred him more as a love interest. it’s really difficult to connect to him because he is almost invincible most of the time, except for in the amnesia arc. before and after this time period, he is more cocky and so sure of himself, it’s like he can’t bring himself to feel empathy for others. so when i saw him be sensitive and unsure i wanted him to keep going on this path of becoming a better person, a better friend for athy, and realizing that he’s not all powerful. just because someone is mentally ill doesn’t excuse being a jerk, and two mentally ill people being in a relationship doesn’t mean that the relationship has to be toxic! but there’s steps in order for it to work and so they don’t sink together... athy and him could have actually helped each other (i’m not saying fix each other here, that’s not how it works) if he could just open up and be vulnerable, ack if they didn’t try to paint him as the usual love interest all the time. same as her! i want her to talk about her trauma and her problems to someone so bad, lucas knows she reincarnated, but they don’t talk about it. unfortunately the narrative is pushing the typical shoujo josei approach which has toxic gender roles and its so boring 😔😔 the incredibly strong and possessive ml and a weaker fl who needs help. right now i dislike lucas a lot, aack like really... he’s gone back to being inconsiderate and a bitch. hate it here

the only other person i know of that helped athy was my boy kiel, but! this child did have a lot to risk, in contrast. by running after athy he’s going against not only his own family but against claude which means sort of... certain death for him. he’s ACTUALLY contributing to this relationship by sacrificing things, putting effort in order to help her. hell, falling in love with her was probably one of his first choices. something that is “him”. it’s struggling if you’re a normal human person. again, we could have kiel and jennette to balance out the lucas and claude interactions but they are REALLY pushing for a lucas thing here bc he’s the novel’s love interest so they will reduce kiel to a second thought when i really think, even if he isn’t an all powerful wizard, that he could offer better support to athanasia and relate more to her than, well, most characters would, and in a healthy way. he would be more sensitive and would comfort her, not saying that they could simply solve it by destroying things but actually telling her, that yes, she’s right, that’s a very difficult situation and she shouldn’t have to go through that. he would not be able to fully understand but he’d try to help her in any way possible. because he was always on her side. it’s honestly great. there’s probably symbolism in there but i’m too stupid to notice. something about changing your fate. there’s certainly parallels between athy and kiel because they’re both changing the future. making choices for THEM. choosing to follow happiness. 🧍something like that someone will probably say it better than i ever will. 👉👈

and last, but not least, i wanted to talk about claude. it’s a similar situation with claude and lucas. he’s the only father athanasia ever had (unfortunately) and any fatherly love athy ever received is from him even if this dude REALLY needs to stop projecting and being violent and distant there’s so many things wrong with claude and he’s so complex. i enjoy his character but he’s a horrible father. at least he’s trying now unlike a certain black cat with red eyes instead of green ones. athanasia actually confronts him... anyways. mental illnesses are often hereditary (i’m not opening MY can of worms though but it runs in the family) we see how VERY unhealthy family dynamics have traumatized the obelian royal family for generations (aka intergenerational trauma babeyyy 🗣😩☠️) and it finally culminates in ana being possessed by aety, in claude becoming a tyrant, in him executing athanasia, and jennette unintentionally making him worse. aeternitas takes over the throne and well. it’s kinda the end of the empire lol.

we can see how this environment affects athanasia, in the first timeline especially, it is a reflection of her life the second time around, and the third time again. sure, she didn’t exactly inherit claude’s alcoholism (i’d recommend she doesn’t risk it though. stay away from alcohol) or violent behavior, BUT she is definitely suffering from a mental illness (like most obelian royalty) and she has also adopted the tendency of drowning herself in work just like he does. and she’s a little desensitized to the violence. it’s a bit of a softer blow because she didn’t internalize it as much as if she had been a baby, being an adult in a child’s body. but it’s still there. and claude got the most of it, a lot more than anastacius did. being an illegitimate child, etc. the person who got away from all of this mess and broke the cycle of abuse is jennette. she was raised in the alpheus manor and we can’t say roger is the best father because he has a lot of flaws. he’s using jennette and pushing ijekiel to be the next head, and probably instilling the wrong ideas in both of them since they were children. he’s put them both in danger with their greed. however, that will always be better than living in the palace. jennette has been affected by the way she was raised but in a very different way than she ever would have had she lived in the palace. ana will not be the best father either, but he hasn’t been in claude’s position who was most subjected to trauma in that same place than anastacius ever was. so he’s not on his level of fucked up, fortunately jennette will be ok with him.

i think jennette and ijekiel should have stayed closer to athanasia and they have a lot more importance than many people give them credit for. it’s a breath of fresh air from everything heavy that happens around her. hell, not even lucas was free from abuse and he has a lot of issues stemming from abandonment etc. they’re sort of the healthiest bonds athanasia has and she NEEDS those! she really does. i think i’ve talked too much already, 😭 idk what it’s supposed to be. analysis? rant? being angry that there’s SO much potential for more themes because the word building is simply incredible? so i’ll leave it here. thanks for listening and if you’ve read until here! don’t wanna force you to answer or anything. and sorry for clogging ur inbox

Headcanon accepted! I like to hc LP Athy to have an Avoidant Personality Disorder & depression. This is probably contradicted by canon since Lithium said LP Athy crying was so out of the character that even Claude was suprised by her breakdown but since it's the only panels where she has dialogue I imagine her to be similar to Hilise Inoaden in her first life: cries easily but only at night when she's alone by herself, hypersensitive, feels unsafe in big crowds or when alone with strangers, clings to every gesture that can be interpreted as kindness, tendency to excuse the actions of the people she cares about (really how has she not lost hope for Claude in those 18 years of her life facing his rejection and the noblility's mockery?).

Talking about mental illnesses being heredity, baby Claude could have also ended up with an Avoidant Personality disorder if he hadn't freezed his heart, I think. But now I hc him with an Antisocial Personality Disorder, Like Lucas.

But I don't think wmmap is good representation of mental illness. You could argue that Lucas' and Claude's "psychopathic/sociopathic" tendancies are mainly caused by dark magic and not their childhood trauma. Like even though Claude seems to have ASPD, baby Claude never showed signs of a conduct disorder. I know this isn't a must but still. Athy's trauma only gets bought up when spoon needs to stirr drama between her and Claude. It doesn't really impair her much in her everyday life. There isn't a day where she has a hard time getting out of bed or a day where she tries pursuing her hobbies but nothing brings her joy anymore. She still manages to be productive. She had no problems to interact with strangers and blend in with the tea party girl's in high society, even though their mother's betrayed her later and some of them surely did the same in the first timeline (ignoring Athy in favour of Jennette), yet she doesn't really harbour any resentment against the noble's that harmed her in her first life.

#anon #answered asks

[shewhotellsstories]

Hi, it is me again. If boundaries are so important to you, please also respect that I prefer to remain anonymous. Thank you

Oh believe me, I wasn't expecting you to be polite in any way, so don't worry

1. You see, you address the problem by the name. Lin shouldn't have done any of this in the first place. You can't expect respect, if you don't meet the person at eye level. So, to a certain extent, Lin kinda deserved what happened to her. Forgiveness is always the first step, certainly not everyone deserves it, but in this case I don't see why not. You say I'm downplaying it, but actually you're all exaggerating so much. I mean, Su could have let Tenzin out of there, but is she wrong though? Lin is so bitter that she pushes everyone away, which ultimately ruined her relationship with Tenzin

2. Su is not really irresponsible, as she has changed over the time. She tried to reconcile with Lin, so she has put more work into the relationship than her sister. Lin shouldn't be angry with Su though. In a perfect episode, I think Lin should have apologized for abandoning her own little sister. After all, Su still loved her in spite of everything and that should be enough

3. Nobody talks about a suicide pact, my point is that family should be the ones, who stick with you, who love you unconditionally, Lin had such a person with Su and still ignored her for 30 fucking years! Su is neither toxic nor abusive, she made mistakes, but she also had to atone for them, for a long time. It is just sad and heartbreaking

Of course robbery is wrong and Su is not poor either, so as I said, it would have been no problem to let her return the stuff. Lin should never put her job above her own little sister, she was 16, felt ignored, hurt and confused by her mother, Lin of all people, should understand that and stick to her instead of trying to bring her behind bars, for fuck sake. Then Su is separated from her mother and sister and was probably quite lonely until she met Bataar. She didn't deserved this

5. But they are only scars! If Lin had really loved Su, at some point she would have said that she knew that Su didn't do this on purpose and that she loved her in spite of everything, but she didn't. Also, you can't compare Su to fucking Ozai, who burned his own son's face out of sheer hatred. He has also done a lot more to Zuko than just a scar. So no, Zuko wouldn't say that

6. Pity party? How dare Su tell Korra, how sad she is that Lin won't have anything to do with her, after she asked? Su is not a manipulative master mind, she just opened up to another person at that moment. Oh, when Lin apologizes, is it suddenly sincere? All right

7. In a way, you can say that, yes. Why would she do this for selfless reasons, that makes no sense. I would say you hit the nail on the head, Lin actually seems to me like someone, who feels expendable and has a lot of self-hatred in her, that's why she constantly tries to put herself in danger with suicidal actions

Lin was happier, her smile as she took Su's hand speaks volumes. Why should she be happier alone, when she has her family back? She should cry with joy, because now she has the opportunity to make things right again

If parents fail, at least siblings should stick together. Fighting for attention wasn't the right way, it could have been the two against the world, but since Lin acted like Su's mother, she pushed her sister away and later abandoned her. Why is Lin allowed to be the good guy in this story? Why is Su held responsible for so much? Toph failed her daughters, but Lin has failed Su too. It makes me so sad to see how Su is portrayed as a bad person, when so much shit has happened to her. It is incomprehensible to me

I was taught from an early age that family must always stick together, that blood is always thicker than water, that even 100 friends are worth less than your family. Even when there are tough times, even when you get hurt, it doesn't matter

Lin didn't love Su enough to forgive her, to let her back into her life without letting 30 years go by, and at that point I just feel for Su

Your justifications for Suyin's horrid behavior reminds me a lot of this:

Now, I'm not going to address every single point because a lot of it is revisionist history and sounds like an alternate version of TLOK where no one treated Lin badly. A couple points:

1) How respectful is it to inflict your presence on someone who didn't want to see you? Lin didn't even want Suyin to know she was in the same god-damned city as her much less have dinner. Suyin wanted forgiveness because she wanted to feel better, not because she felt bad or felt Lin deserved a sincere apology.

2)Suyin is hella irresponsible. I've outlined why and if what I've heard about season 4 is true I'm going to have even more examples of how Suyin breaks things and brushes off the consequences. Pro tip: Responsible people don't send teenagers out into a city to help them settle a score when one of them has a huge target on her back.

3)Unconditional love doesn't mean love without boundaries. So if a family member scars your face, tries to blame you for it, and then years later downplays it by saying they weren't a "perfect kid" than that is an excellent reason to want them to lose your number. Forever.

4)She didn't take a candy bar from a grocery store without paying for it. It was a robbery. Suyin needed to face some consequences. And for goodness sake she got sent to live with her rich grandparents. Sure they screwed up with Toph but you make Suyin's life sound like Les Miserables.

5)Full stop. They're not just scars. If you don't get how physically and emotionally painful it'd be to be scarred by your sibling and then have to lie about it for years after your mom covered for them then you've got a major empathy problem.

6)Telling only one side of the story of an estrangement you are responsible for is manipulative and really suspect. Honest people don't screw their loved ones over and then talk about how sad it makes them that they don't want to deal with them without providing the full context. I've said it before but clearly I need to say it again: Suyin just found Lin's anger inconvenient.

Blaming Lin for the break-up with Tenzin is rooted in misogyny. She's not a "selfish" monster for not wanting children. It honestly would've been unfair to everyone involved if she'd had kids she never wanted. In fact dropping Lin the second some pretty, young thing confessed her feelings for him makes Tenzin seem fickle to say the least.

Finally people have more compassion for Lin because over and over again she's hurt by people she loved and is told to get over it. Even when they don't appreciate her, she puts her feelings aside to help them.

And a sister who scars you, throws a painful break-up in your face, refused to respect your boundaries, and undermines your authority is not someone worth having in your life.

Look dude. This is the third message like this you've sent to me and guess what? I still think Suyin Beifong is trash. No matter how you try to white-wash Suyin being a garbage person I will continue believing Suyin is trash. With a sister like that who needs enemies.

“I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.”

-Maya Angelou

#asked and answered #anti suyin beifong #lin beifong #tlok salt #lok salt

[sou-ver-2-0]

Sou Hiyori and Kanna’s Sister Parallels

In my short time in the Your Turn to Die fandom, I haven't seen anyone discuss the similarities between our Sou Hiyori and Kanna's older sister Kugie. This subtle parallel is one of the many fantastic writing details in this game, and it happens to be my favorite one. So I wanted to talk about it! 

I love the irony that the characters in YTTD draw a more obvious parallel between Kugie Kizuchi and the game's protagonist, Sara Chidouin. Both Sara and Kugie are high-school aged girls, and Sara often plays the part of Kanna's big sister, leading Kanna to project her feelings for Kugie onto Sara. Although this is sweet, it's still a superficial parallel. Sara and Kugie play the same role, but how similar are they really? If you choose to chat with Kanna on the first day of Chapter 2's storyline, Kanna will tell you the truth about her adoptive sister. Instead of idealizing her, Kanna paints a more complex picture of a flawed young woman. Unlike Sara, Kugie bullied Kanna when they first met. It took time for the pair of them to feel like real siblings. On a deeper level, Kugie's own mini-character arc is very different from Sara's arc, but it perfectly mirrors Sou's arc!

Both Kugie and Sou have a cruel streak and they each make rash judgments about other people. However, they eventually reveal with their actions that they truly love Kanna deep down. While Sara can make the choice to abandon Kanna, both Kugie and Sou would die for the girl. Because of the striking parallels I see between Kanna's memories of Kugie and Kanna's present relationship with Sou, I want to believe that Kugie was just as willing as Sou was to die in order to save Kanna's life. Kugie's story effectively acts as a microcosm of Sou's story. So let's take a close look at it.

KANNA: ...Sara... / You're just like... my sister.

SARA: Huh...?

KANNA: Your strength... and your kindness... / ... / But my sister... / Wasn't always kind from the moment we met.

SARA: (The moment they met...?)

If you speak to Kanna during negotiation time on Day 1 of Chapter 2, the girl begins her story by telling Sara that she's just like her sister, since Sara shares Kugie's "strength and kindness." However, she admits that her sister "wasn't always kind from the moment we met." This is the first major difference between the two girls, and it's what clued me into the idea that Kugie's story might be a metaphor for Sou's story instead. It's also an early moment in which Kanna reveals that she's not as naive as people think she is. She's aware that Kugie was flawed, just like she's aware of Sou's flaws. She keeps choosing to believe in their capacity for good, even as she understands that they are capable of hurting her. 

  Following this revelation, we come to a notable choice.   

1. CHOICE: You aren't blood-related?

SARA: ...Kanna. Are you and your sister not blood-related...?

KANNA: ...Right...

2. CHOICE: Guess I win

SARA: I was nice from the start, so guess I win.

KANNA: Ah... Even the way you say weird things like that is just like my sister...

SARA: (Strangely, that just got her more emotional...)

Sara can either ask "You aren't blood-related?" or smugly observe "Guess I win." Either way, Kanna will steer the conversation back to her adoption by the Kizuchi family. But the choice to declare "victory" over Kugie here fascinates me, since it's easy to connect this competitive sentiment to Sara's relationship with Sou. While Sara and Sou are obviously in a competition for their lives, what ends up mattering more is their competition for Kanna's affections. In both cases, Sou is painfully aware that he's the underdog with "zero percent chance of success." Sou is sure that Kanna would choose Sara's life over his life, if she were forced to make that awful choice.

For Sou, who believes that Kanna loves him less, his moral dilemma is whether to support Kanna in spite of this. The fact that he supports her unconditionally in the second Main Game speaks to his strength of character. He proves that he truly values Kanna more than his own life. For Sara, who already feels comfortable in the "victory" of Kanna's devotion, the moral question becomes whether the player will make choices that are worthy of the girl. Will you help Sou protect her? Or will you decide that Kanna's life is worth less than Sou's hacking skills? Sara's choice determines whether she truly shares Kugie's "strength and kindness."

I'll come back to Kanna's feelings on this "competition" later. For now it's enough to say that she recognizes that competitive streak in Kugie too, and that memory makes her "emotional." It shows how she loves these three characters even when they say "weird things." Again, Kanna is aware of Sara, Kugie, and Sou's flaws but still feels affection for them. That's just how it is when you love someone.

Kanna continues her story:

KANNA: ...See, Kanna's adopted.

SARA: ...!

KANNA: She came to her current family from an orphanage when she was little...

SARA: So you had different parents, too?

KANNA: Mom and dad were really kind... / Kanna... was determined to always smile, childishly thinking "I can't trouble them." / ...And Kanna's sister didn't seem to like her...

Here, Kanna reveals that she has always had the type of personality where she tries hard to please others. She was worried about being a burden long before the Death Game, but for a more ordinary reason; she's adopted. She's always been self-conscious. Her ongoing heartbreak and anxiety comes from a deep place of worrying that her big sister doesn't love her. This informs her current relationships with both Sara and Sou.

At this point, the narrative shifts to a flashback of Kanna's memories.

MOM: Stop it, Kugie! Why do you do such cruel things?!

KANNA: No, it's fine! Kanna's not angry... She's not, really... / Look, see! Ahaha... Ehehehehe...

KUGIE: ...What're you always laughing for?

KANNA: Huh...?

KUGIE: ...You're creepy. I hate it.

DAD: Hey, stop that! Apologize, Kugie!

Kugie calls Kanna "creepy" and even says that she "hates" that part of her. Sara can't ever say such cruel words to Kanna; the worst you can do as a player is speak sternly to her sometimes. But Sou absolutely can say cruel things. He has called Kanna "stupid kid," "dead weight," and a "hindrance" in front of the entire group. And just like the Kizuchi parents scolded Kugie for her mean words, our group members condemn Sou for his mean words.

Now, we know Sou wasn't actually speaking his heart with those words. He didn't have malicious intent. (In fact, he was trying to save Kanna's life.) Sou said those words because he wears a mask to cover his true self. That's the essence of his character. He tries to sound tough and logical to force people to take him seriously. He assumes that once he lets his guard down and shows weakness, everyone will vote to kill him. He becomes a bully because he's insecure.

What if Kugie was also wearing a mask when she bullied Kanna? Not because of the Death Game like Sou, but for a more ordinary reason. Maybe she was simply trying to sound "cool." Maybe Kugie bullied Kanna because she was also insecure, and it would be easy to take out her insecurity on a little girl like Kanna. Kanna is an awkward child who speaks in the third person and laughs for no reason. It would be easy for an older girl to look at Kanna and think, "At least I'm not as embarrassing as that." Even though we don't know Kugie as well as Sou, I think it's a logical assumption.

KANNA: Even then, I kept on smiling... I didn't... want to make sister out as a villain. / But one day, when it became unbearable... I ran away from home.

This is the saddest part but I love it because it's a direct parallel to what Kanna says about Sou! 

During the Second Main Game, when Kanna confesses that she took the Sacrifice card from Sara, she says, "Kanna...Kanna...!! She didn't want to let Sara die...!! And also...!! She didn't want to make Sou a murderer...!!" 

The things Kanna does for these two!!

In other words, there comes a point for both Kugie and Sou where their actions are so harmful that Kanna feels like she has to throw herself away to thwart their "villainy." She runs away from home. She takes the Sacrifice Card. Because she doesn't want these two people she loves to become villains.  

We continue Kanna's story with another flashback. This time, it's accompanied by visual imagery of a small Kanna sitting by herself and crying while hiding her face under a bucket.

KANNA: ...sniff... sob...

KANNA: (narrating) I couldn't go home. I didn't want to... Thinking that to myself, I sat in the park with a bucket on my head and cried.

This is Kanna at her most vulnerable. She is isolated and alone. She has given up. 

In the present day, Kanna has many hopeless moments like this since she has just lost her sister, the person she loved most. We can judge any of the game's characters by how well they treat her, the most vulnerable among them.

In Kanna's memory, there is a character who comes to speak with her at this time. A little boy who tries to joke with her and cheer her up. Kanna only remembers him as "Brat," but to the player, he looks an awful lot like a small Joe Tazuna! The following confrontation between Kanna, "Brat," and Kugie is my favorite part, because it leads to my favorite parallel.

BRAT: Hey! Whatcha doin'? / What's with the bucket?! Yer funny!

KANNA: ...sniff... sniffle...

BRAT: Huh? You cryin'?!

KANNA: ..........

BRAT: ...Alright. / *He lifts his shirt over his head.* How's that! Ehh?! Look at me! C'mon! Funny, right?

KANNA: ...uuuuu...

VOICE (KUGIE): What're you doing?!

BRAT: ...Huh...?

KUGIE: How dare you put a bucket on her head and tease her!! Beat it, you!!

BRAT: I-I wasn't teasin' her!

KUGIE: Liar!! Kanna's crying, isn't she?! D-Don't... be so cruel to my little sister!!

KANNA (narrating): ...That was the first time she called me "little sister"...

In the scene, "Brat" greets Kanna and tries to cheer her up by being a goofball. However, Kugie sees this and gets the wrong impression. She assumes that the boy is hurting Kanna and she rushes to her little sister's defense. As a result of Kugie's actions, Kanna finally sees Kugie's true loving heart.

This is, beat for beat, exactly what happens when Sou confronts Sara about Kugie's smartphone. Just like Kugie wrongly assumed that Joe was bullying Kanna, Sou wrongly assumes that Sara tampered with Kugie's smartphone to make it seem like Kugie hated Kanna. Even though Sou is wrong--Sara was trying to fix the smartphone, just like Sou was--this is the first moment that the player can see Sou's true heart. We learn that Sou's reasons for targeting Sara aren't due to him being some scheming mastermind; he's simply suspicious by nature and he makes rash judgments. He acts the way he does because he genuinely believes that Sara is dangerous. And for the first time, we see how deeply Sou cares about Kanna. We see him stand up to Sara to defend her. Then we see how he wrote a message full of love and hope on Kugie's phone. 

When Kanna finally receives the phone, she cries "tears of salvation" over Kugie's new message. But Kugie's words are really Sou's words. And by the time we reach Chapter 3, we learn that Kanna knew the truth the whole time.

(KANNA): Kanna was always with her big sister. / Because she loved her a lot… / But Kanna was always just a bother to her… / Even that time when it mattered most, she couldn't do anything. / So she thought she was hated… / But that message... made her remember. / That surely, her big sister was watching over her… / That she had to stay strong on her own… / But, well… / The truth is, she knew… / That it wasn't her sister who wrote that message… / *Kanna remembers Sou's face.* .... / ...There's people who tried to protect Kanna. / There's people who worked to encourage her. / So... she doesn't want anyone else to die. / Because... they're all such kind people...

In the game, Kanna shares these thoughts with the player in the aftermath of Sou's death. This is the scenario in which Sou gets to complete the same arc as Kugie. They both sacrifice themselves to save the little sister they love so much. I'm sure that Kugie would have been grateful for Sou's help in writing that message and saving Kanna's life.

I'll finish sharing the rest of Kanna's story about Kugie: 

KUGIE: ...You still crying?

KANNA: S-Sorry... sister...

KUGIE: ... / ...So you cry too, Kanna.

I think the wording of that last sentence in English is interesting. The obvious interpretation is that Kugie realizes that Kanna has been secretly crying and hiding her true self all this time. But on another level, I wonder if Kugie is admitting that she herself "cries too"? That would confirm Kugie's insecurity. And it would make this a moment in which Kugie sees herself in Kanna, just like it's implied that Sou sees his "weak self" in Kanna. In any case, this "unmasking" of Kanna's true heart is a good parallel for Sou's story as well. Kanna also hides her feelings like he does.

KANNA: ..........

KUGIE: .......... / Kanna... I'm sorry...

KANNA: ...Sister...

KUGIE: Mom and dad are worried, so let's get home quick, okay?

KANNA: O... Okay! Eheheh...

It is possible for Sou to apologize to Kanna in the prologue of Chapter 2, Part 2. His wording is more ominous than Kugie's, though he keeps Kugie's sentiment about returning home: "...Sorry. / Just relax. If you’re obedient, I’ll tell you how to survive."

Continuing with Kanna's story, the narrative shifts back to the present day.

KANNA: ...Ever since then, my sister and I got along really well.

SARA: I see...

KANNA: Without any blood relation... Kanna and her sister got along really... really well... / ..........

I love this line because it can apply to Sou as well, since he isn't blood-related to Kanna either. All of Kanna's protective siblings commit to her well-being by their own choice.

SARA: Kanna...

KANNA: Kanna... will definitely go home...! Because she needs to tell mom and dad...! / Determination... / A kind of determination... much too heavy for a girl her age to bear. / ...I should be going soon. Sou might wake up, after all... / Thank you very much... Sara.

Kanna ends her story with a determined speech to return home and honor Kugie's memory. As we read earlier, Kanna gives a similar determined speech in the aftermath of Sou's sacrifice. Later in Chapter 3, she further expresses a desire to honor Sou’s memory, saying “I want to know more about the man who sacrificed himself for me.” This is Kanna at her strongest! This is a Kanna who wants to live!

I mentioned earlier that I would come back to Kanna's feelings on the "competition" between Sou and Sara for her affections. Because Sara resembles Kugie physically, everyone believes that Kanna would choose Sara over Sou. Kanna even says that Sara is "the person she most wants to live." That is Kanna's emotional appeal to save Sara from being voted as a candidate. In the event that Kanna dies, Keiji rubs Kanna’s words in Sou's face at the beginning of Chapter 3, leaving Sou desolate.

But it's important to note that Kanna's choice was always to save both Sara and Sou. To say that she would abandon Sou discredits what actually happened. After Kanna makes an emotional appeal to save Sara's life, she shrewdly makes a logical appeal to save Sou's life. And when Sou tries to direct the votes to Kanna, thinking she has the Sacrifice card, Kanna easily thwarts his efforts by simply telling the truth. Kanna was the only character who chose to be honest about the Sacrifice Card, because she never intended to let anyone else die for her. 

Kanna's choice was to reject the “competition” outright. She doesn't even take it seriously. Her reasons for taking the Sacrifice card were twofold: to save Sara's life, and to save Sou's soul. It's never a real question for her which person she values more. She would have died for them both.

This matters because Sou doesn't parallel Kugie in such an obvious way like Sara does, but the parallel is still there. It's subtle enough that Sou can't even see it. He never feels confident in Kanna's affection, which is why he ordered her, "Kanna. / Don’t you betray me." He can't see what's right in front of him: that Kanna cares about him as though he were her own brother. 

In contrast, Sara feels self-conscious about the comparisons people draw between Kugie and herself. She always feels awkward about it. She is fully aware that Kugie was her own person, and Sara can only pretend to understand what she was like. I really like the way that the manga treated this issue. Although the manga cuts out many of the excellent character moments from the game, it adds more focus on Kugie.

Sara thinks to herself, "I don't know...how many regrets that person had..." which neatly foreshadows that Kugie would have regretted bullying Kanna. Speaking of regrets also reminds me of Sou, who--in the route where he dies--regrets not trusting everyone sooner.

I wanted to end this piece on a happy note, so I'll just say that I like to imagine that Sou and Kugie would have gotten along! Maybe they would even be able to see through each other's masks and help each other. They could work together to protect Kanna, and the Player could choose whether Sara joins them.

#yttd #your turn to die #kimi ga shine #sou hiyori #kanna kizuchi #shin tsukimi #sara chidouin #kugie kizuchi #sou and kanna #sara and kanna #kizuchi sisters #sou and sara #mine #meta #my meta #your turn to die spoilers

[lyssismagical]

you were never mine

I’m a bad student somebody stop me

AKA I wrote this on my phone during a zoom call for class, so it’s not the best and it’s kinda messy but here we are anyway

TW: abusive parent, violence, blood

another piece of a shameless au i’ll write one day

There’s an ear-splitting noise that sounds a lot like glass shattering, and Abbie flinches, tucking herself closer against the wall, one arm wrapped around a sibling, more by her feet. 

Their mom showing up, out of the blue, was protocol for what started out as a decent weekend. Harley ushered them all off, passing Bentley off to Abbie, as soon as he’d smelled the alcohol and weed on her. 

From Harley’s bedroom, they could hear everything that was happening downstairs, words mostly muffled but emotions just as clear as day. 

Bentley’s on her lap, Jonah and Dayton on either side of her, Aspen sitting on the other end of the bed, and Sebastian is on Aspen’s other side. 

Harley’s room smells like him. Like gunpowder, leather, cheap soap, and strawberry milkshakes from the diner. It makes them all feel safe, knowing Harley’s out there protecting them, keeping them safe, always. 

Downstairs, muffled and distant, Harley’s shouting, “They’re not your kids, Macy. They were never your kids!”

And Macy sounds like she’s crying, and Abbie can picture exactly what she looks like in that moment. Desperate and scared and angry, hair wild and eyes tired, reaching out to try to comfort Harley like he was ever her son. 

She’s always been pretty, in that hardened Tennessee way. Auburn hair, long but always tied back, skin clear and tan, eyes a dark honey-brown, hands calloused and angles sharp. 

Most of the Keeners have a lot of those same features. Especially the oldest, the ones that were Dad’s and Mom’s, not just one or the other. The younger they get, the farther apart they look. 

Bentley, the youngest, is Dad’s, not Mom’s, and she barely looks like family. She’s lighter and softer than any of the other Keeners, blue-eyed and a blonde tuft of hair, porcelain skin with softer edges. 

“Why is he yelling at her?” Dayton asks. He’s so young, only eight-years-old and he’s facing all this pain and suffering at the hands of the people who were meant to love him unconditionally. He barely knows Mom, doesn’t know who his dad is. He doesn’t understand why things happened the way they did, doesn’t get why Harley’s so pissed at Mom, doesn’t understand why he can’t have clothes that aren’t hand-me-downs. 

And Abbie just shushes him because she can’t begin to explain why. 

“They’re my babies! You can’t keep them from me! I’m their mom!” Macy’s shouting downstairs. There’s more glass shattering and Abbie pulls Bentley closer when she hears the telltale sound of skin on skin. 

“What if I did let you see them?” Harley demands, voice trembling and an octave higher. “Would you hit Aspen too? Would you attack Dayton? Would you scream at Abbie? Would you make their lives hell?” 

She can’t make out what Macy says in response to that, but she can guess it’s nothing but lies and grasping for pity. 

“I wanna see her,” Jonah says, blinking up at Abbie. “Why can’t I see her?” 

“Macy isn’t a good person.” She’s pissed, shaking with the fiery anger that’s flooding through her, and she hates that this it what she’s forced to do. Hates that Harley has to take the brunt of everything. 

There’s a future for them, she thinks, as she looks around at her siblings. There’s a future there. 

Harley’s set it all up for them, made sure they’ll be ready to get out of Rose Hill one day. He’s going to get them all through school, going to send them off to live their lives, far and wide, doing anything they wish to do. 

Abbie’s going to go to New York. She’s going to get a full ride to Harvard, she’s going to be lawyer, she’s going to be successful and live on the coast. She’s going to be the first Keener to graduate high school, the first to go to college, the first to have a real job, the first to make it out of Rose Hill with a future, the first to be be above the poverty line, the first to make it to nineteen without an unplanned pregnancy. 

And the rest of them will follow. Aspen, Sebastian, Dayton, Jonah, Bentley, and whichever children will be dumped on them from Mom or Dad or a stranger claiming to have Dad’s child. 

All of them but Harley. 

Harley will be tied to them until the day the youngest Keener gets out of Rose Hill. Even if they’re lucky enough to be done with Bentley, Harley will be stuck here until he’s thirty-five, never have graduated high school. 

“I’ve given up everything for them!” Harley cries, loud enough for them to hear, clear and heartbreaking all the same. “You’ve done nothing but take and take and take, and I’ve had to fill in every gap. I’ve been their mom, their dad, their brother, their sole caretaker, their breadwinner, their chaperone, their everything. And you’ve been nothing. You’ve done nothing for them. The best thing you ever did to those kids was leave them.” 

And it hurts like Abbie’s been shot, clinging to her brothers, bleeding out on Harley’s bedspread, dying unable to make a sound. 

“I want a second chance. Just let me have the littlest one, Bentley, let me take her and have a second chance at being a mother!” 

“You can’t just show up and take your fucking pick!” Harley shouts, a sob caught in his throat. “You weren’t here, Macy! You weren’t here to change their diapers or help with math homework or go to their sports games. I was here! This is about what I did!” 

Macy goes to say something, but it goes unheard under Harley’s tearfully loud voice. 

“I was here! I was always here when you weren’t! And you know what? I did a fucking good job,” Harley says, shouting and crying and desperate. “Abbie’s captain of the volleyball team and junior class president! Aspen’s got a perfect GPA! Sebastian’s captain of the debate team, he volunteers at the animal shelter on the weekends! Dayton made a solar system for science and got an A plus! Jonah’s running now, he’s talking in full sentences, he’s fully potty trained, and he’s starting kindergarten next fall. Bentley, she’s an angel. Her first word was Harley. I was here! Where the fuck were you?” 

“I’m here now, Harley,” Macy says, almost too quiet for the kids to hear upstairs. “I deserve to see my children.” 

“They don’t even know who you are!” Harley shouts and there’s more glass breaking. 

Macy’s voice drops lower. “I’m their mother.” 

“You were my mother too!” 

“Please, Harley,” Macy begs. “I just want to see my children.” 

But Harley’s never given up that easily, he’s never let anything come between him and his family. “No. Just get out. I’m not letting you see them. I’m not going to let you brainwash them” 

It goes quiet after that, save for a few muffled noises every now and again. 

“Is he okay? Do you think she- Do you think she killed him?” 

Abbie hits Sebastian on the arm. “Don’t say something like that, you’ll scare the little ones.”

“I’m serious. Are you sure he’s going to be okay?” 

“When has Harley not been okay, Bas?” 

It’s not the truth, Harley’s been far from okay for a very long time. And normally, encounters with Macy ends pretty badly for him. 

But there’s nothing they can do. Harley’s strictest rule is that when he tells them to hide, they can’t come out until Harley comes to get them. If Abbie leaves, that leaves Aspen, fourteen years old, to protect them. 

Abbie’s job is to stay here, protect the littlest one if, for some reason, Macy comes after them. 

It only takes about an hour for Harley to get up to them, shouldering the door open. 

He’s bruised and bloody and limping, but he’s somehow got a wide smile on his face. “Macy has officially left the building.” 

“What the fuck did she do to you?” 

Abbie’s up and over in a second, passing Bentley off to Bas, and grabbing his chin to get a better look at him. It looks like he broke his nose, blood smeared on his upper lip, right eye swollen nearly shut, one arm cradled against his ribs, fingers splayed on his chest. His lip is split open, jaw bruised, glass still clinging to his shirt. 

“It’s fine. She’s gone, she’s not coming back for a while. We’re safe and sound. How do we feel about mac and cheese for dinner?” 

There’s not much they can say otherwise, watching Harley grin, teeth stained with blood, and nodding to the door. 

It’s not like Harley would listen to any of them anyway. He loves them too much to let them talk him out of keeping them safe. 

Taglist:  @littlemissagrafina  @fancyxparker  @romeoandjulietyouwish @c-artara @shadedrose01 @likeaphoenix13 @misskirkstark @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @kitkatwinchester  @emo-girl10  @hold-our-destiny @imalivebecauseirondad @spiderman-peterman @dykeragee @maryserrao @heeeyitskay @parknerandirondad @lilacsandlilies4 @loveliestdisappointment @joyful-soul-collector @genderfluid-and-confuzled @fallenstar07 @gyurolls @sdottkrames {Lemme know if you wanna be added or removed}

buy me a coffee 

#lyss writes #shameless au #i'll write a real shameless au one of these days #for now. oneshots #harley keener #abbie keener #jonah keener #sebastian keener #dayton keener #aspen keener #bentley keener #parkner

[assassinshadow17]

Alright people I had to because I’m lowkey scared at how the “shocking death” could go down. Here’s a tier-list of whoever is safe/in-danger of getting the ticket out of life. I tried to be as realistic as possible and who gives more to Ari’s life and how he could grow with/without them in his life, if they served the purpose for his development in the 1st book.

SAFE - Aristotle Mendoza, Legs Mendoza, Gina Navarro, Susie Byrd

Aristotle Mendoza - He’s literally the protagonist and its overall his story and how Dante helps him open up to love himself, and to love Dante. Unless if Ari’s own “shocking death” is himself and the description was to throw us off with turning the POV over to Dante(if that makes sense) Ari isn’t going anywhere but forward in life. 100% SAFE

Legs Mendoza - You may think, “but wouldn’t the dog be in most danger?” Well no, see if Legs would die, I’m not sure it could trigger Ari to have to “fight like never before” I love dogs and think they are so precious, but looking at Ari’s story, I don’t think it would be enough to set Ari in a “new” direction. Although a small chance Ben could do it just to be a dick lmao. 95% SAFE

Gina Navarro and Susie Byrd - I think these are 2 of Ari’s closest friends that help him at school and he secretly loves to talk to. But I don’t think they are developed enough in Ari’s life to cause a huge impact, unless if they going to receive that sort of treatment. But for now, I’m assuming they will take a sideline role and support Ari in his time of grief. 95% SAFE 

UNPREDICATBLE - Cassandra, Baby Quintana(Dante’s soon to be younger sibling) Sam Quintana, Soledad Quintana

Cassandra - Cassandra is a new character that is just noted from Ben himself. She’s probably going to be Ari and Dante’s close friend to them, but unless if the point of her presence is to give Ari a new meaning to life(Which still wouldn’t make sense to me) Then I don’t see how Ari would be that affected by her death, but if Ben wanted it to happen that way, who am I to stop him? We will have to see how her arc turns out. 85% SAFE

Baby Quintana - Once again, a new character in Ari’s life, but it seems he would be more beneficial to Dante’s story and have Dante grow as a person than Ari. Plus being a baby, not really much connection you could give besides loving them unconditionally, which Ari would do overall anyways. 85% SAFE

Sam Quintana - Sam is a cool dad and very inspirational character, much like Dante, he has Ari questioning how someone could be so nice in the world. He’s very loving of Dante and would die for his son, and by further extension, Ari. I think his death would give Ari a hit in life, but it seems it would be more for Dante’s growth as opposed to Ari’s.(Again, based on the description, this death seems to affect Ari the most.) Although it would be a shock factor and grow Ari to comfort Dante overall, which I could see Ben doing. 75% SAFE/LOW-CAUTION VULNERABLE

Soledad Quintana - Pretty much Ari’s reassurance that even she can see the love that Ari has for her son, Dante. Soledad has a huge role, as Ari’s mom(who we will get to soon) in having the boys learn to love themselves and have them take command of their lives, despite knowing that most of the world will be against them. Soledad loves Ari nearly as much as Dante, because he gives Dante such happiness. I could very well see this death affecting Ari a lot, but also, it seems it would benefit Dante’s arc more-so. So I don’t think Ben will go this route. However I see a viable reasoning if Ben did it. 60% MEDIUM-CAUTION VULNERABLE

DANGER - Liliana Mendoza, Jamie Mendoza

Lilliana Mendoza - I’m sorry to have Ari’s beautiful and much of a QUEEN mom here, but I have to look at the point of view. Lilliana has been Ari’s only comfort in his life really, his dad was never mentally present, and she reassured his existence in the world and has made him felt loved everyday. With also joking around with him like he hasn’t been depressed for most of his life. If Lilliana were to die, this would affect Ari the closest of both parents, he would feel lost, vulnerable, and to an even lower point of sadness than before the beginning of the 1st book. I could very well see Ben going this route and probably so far the most predicted of who would die and make Ari really figure out how to “form a life of his own joy” 20% SAFE/IN-DANGER

Jamie Mendoza - Okay, personally I think Ben will go this route and let me just say why. Jamie, Ari’s dad, has been out of Ari’s life for most of it. He would help Ari if he was sick, but really left his wife to most of the parenting. Not even caring if Ari stuck in the clubs that he wanted him in. But I think Jamie’s purpose has been delivered to Ari in showing Ari that he doesn’t have to be afraid of his love for Dante, he doesn’t have to let his past consume him and let him feel drowned just because he didn’t want to talk about it or open up. Jamie gave Ari the opening to go after Dante and made Ari realize his feelings. I see Ari being affected by his death because of the confusion he could feel, would Ari feel sad or angry that he never really knew his dad more? And would he move on so easily or feel guilty that he couldn’t somehow open his own dad up, when they were so alike and how they could have grew if Jamie had been present. I think this would get Ari thinking, and Dante could help him navigate his emotions through his dad’s lost. 10% SAFE/IN-DANGER

UNKNOWN/DEPENDENT DIRECTION OF AUTHOR - Dante Quintana

Dante Quintana - Look all, I’m so sorry he’s not in the safe zone, the way of the description.... I can’t put him there. I’m so heartbroken I even think this, but I really think it won’t happen if Ben decides the route that we would all dread. However I have to display this possible outcome.

Dante is literally the boy who saves Ari’s life, the one who made him realize the universe is beautiful and that him and Ari are the best couple in El Paso. He teaches him so much, how to read advance literature, swim, all sorts of games he makes up lmao. Dante makes Ari question everything he thought of the world, Dante has that impact and he has the impact to make Ari not remember literally saving his life against a moving car. Dante loves Ari to the universe and back, Ari does as well, literally would die for each other. But the way the description says “He’ll have to fight like never before to create a life” now get this at the end: “THAT IS TRUTHFULLY, JOYFULLY HIS OWN” I’m not getting good vibes from “HIS OWN” Idk, maybe I’m reading too much into it and I’m hoping to the freaking divines that Ben doesn’t go the route of Dante potentially..... you know, I don’t even want to say it. Dante is literally the 2nd main character and we also learn so much about him, but by that phrasing, I could see a direction in which Ben takes out Dante in a permanent sense to grow Ari like never before. Like Ari would literally have to find his own direction in the world, and he would take Dante’s knowledge and personality with him in his future, he would live for Dante as he would have wanted together. I just think it wouldn’t work well and Ari doesn’t need his literal soulmate to get taken away just for an “Edgy, or growthful arc” if that makes sense. If Ben goes this route, I may never forgive him tbh, I just couldn’t if he ruined our boys like this. 100% SAFE OR 100% MOST LIKELY CANIDATE TO TAKE DEATH. DEPENDENT ON AUTHOR’S DIRECTION.

Note: if Dante is taken, I will cry and that’s a promise.

Thank you if you read this long asf post, but hopefully it can entertain you! I’m so looking forward to this book and I hope the “loss” is meaningful and not some shock factor, but its Ben so I trust him enough to make a sequel to the masterpiece that we all loved in the first place!

#aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe #aristotle mendoza #dante quintana #benjamin alire sáenz #ari and dante dive into the waters of the world #SafeList

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Eighteen

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

June 5th, 1985

“Now come on, Emile, the polite thing to do is to apologize,” his mom coaxed.

Emile stared up at her with a stubborn frown. “He shoved me first!” he said, accusing the boy standing in front of him, his own mother behind him.

“But shoving back is not the answer,” his mother reminded. “Apologize, please.”

Emile sighed but turned to the boy. “Sorry,” he sullenly muttered.

The boy didn’t say anything until his mother nudged him and he said the same. They both walked back to the playground they had been on and looked at each other. “Can we agree that apologizing is dumb and just play tag or something?” the boy asked.

Emile nodded. “Works for me. Saying sorry is only for when you really mean it, anyway.”

  January 7th, 2001

Emile couldn’t deny that things were awkward after Remy’s latest therapy session. He wasn’t proud of it, but he had been trying to avoid Remy the past couple of days so that they didn’t wind up in an argument, or worse, a screaming match.

Of course, things couldn’t stay like this forever, with Emile avoiding Remy and Remy just in general being very quiet and walking on eggshells. It was like he was expecting to be hurt, and it made Emile’s blood boil. So on a day where both of them were exhausted from long shifts, and Emile was stressing over his homework, and Remy was worrying about how much food they had in the refrigerator, Emile slammed a door, Remy jumped a foot and immediately snapped back a, “Hey!” and the dialogue began. “You can’t just slam anything you want when you’re angry, Emile! You know I don’t like loud noises!”

“Yeah, and you’ve never told me why, which leads me to a few unsavory ideas, which is what’s making me angry in the first place!” Emile snapped.

Remy growled. “We’re low on food and we barely have enough money for rent, and you’re angry about something that happened years ago?!”

Emile stilled. “So it did happen?”

“Yeah! My mother had a bad habit of getting angry and slamming doors and yelling! Sometimes at other people, mostly just in general! She’d mock whatever anyone said that set her off, and she’d stomp around like she was out for blood!” Remy’s breath heaved in his chest. “She demanded respect, and perfection, and when she didn’t get it, she’d get angry! That’s normal!”

“That’s not normal, that’s horrifying!” Emile exclaimed. “You’re acting like a living breathing doormat when it comes to your parents! You deserve respect!”

“No I don’t!” Remy said, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t even hold his scowl in place. “What kind of brat who can’t even be thankful for what his parents did to him deserves respect?!”

It was then that Emile realized he had miscalculated. Remy would talk big and pretend that nothing bothered him, but underneath that, he was still a person who can and did get hurt. And this was clearly a touchy subject. “Everyone deserves respect, Rem. Everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally. And not just from one or two people, either. Everyone deserves respect from everyone else. While they may not be loved by everyone, most people are loved by several other people, in one way or another.” His voice was measured, trying to avoid shouting, and he just hoped that Remy wouldn’t interpret that as anger at him. Emile tilted his head to the side. “Mind explaining why you don’t agree?”

“I...I don’t...” Remy stammered. “I...my parents...my parents don’t have to respect me. I have to respect them. That’s how that works. Respect doesn’t have to be a two-way street.”

“Yes it does,” Emile said firmly. “Remy, everyone, no matter how big or small, gay or straight, young or old deserves respect. Because they’re people. Living, breathing people with all their own experiences, their own emotions, their own opinions. They’re sentient beings. They deserve respect.”

“But...but then...then...why couldn’t...why couldn’t my parents...respect me? If you’re right, then that means my parents...my parents were wrong,” he whispered the last word, glancing around fearfully, and it broke Emile’s heart, dimming the fire that had been burning there not even minutes before. He needed to take the gentle approach, while still being straightforward.

“Yes, it does. Because they were,” Emile said firmly. “Listen, Rem. I’m sorry, but your parents weren’t good people. They treated you badly. They hurt you. If they don’t treat you with respect, then they aren’t respectable in my eyes. Full stop. Everyone deserves respect. Everyone deserves to be loved, and be taught to love, not to fear. Because that’s what they did to you, Rem. They taught you fear instead of love, and you’re paying the price for it.”

Remy’s eyes filled with more tears, as he said in a lost, broken voice, “They said they loved me...”

“Maybe they do. But they certainly don’t show it in acceptable ways,” Emile said, taking the few steps needed to cross the kitchen and wrapping his arms around Remy.

Remy hugged Emile back, sobbing into his shoulder, and Emile just hoped that whenever Remy calmed down, he would take what Emile said to heart, so they wouldn’t have to repeat this conversation over again. He hated when they went through the low in the cycle, where Remy was convinced his parents weren’t that bad, that he was overreacting and being a brat, that this, that, and the other thing were what Emile was wrong about when really, those were all signs that a family genuinely cared for you.

He wanted to destroy Remy’s parents, and maybe his grandparents as well, because clearly, they had to get it from somewhere. His siblings and aunts and uncles and cousins got a pass...for now, at least. Emile wouldn’t destroy Toby, ever, because Remy cared about him too much, and he didn’t know how the rest of his family reacted to Remy’s parents’ outrageous demands. But his parents could rot. And Emile knew that wasn’t productive, and Remy probably wouldn’t want to hear it at this point, so he kept that sentiment to himself.

After some time of them just hugging, Remy broke the hug apart, sniffling and looking away, crossing his arms. “Emile...I think my parents neglected me. Like, the actual legal definition.”

Emile felt the need to fight dim down into nothing, leaving only charred remains of the fire behind. “I know,” Emile said softly.

“You don’t,” Remy said, sniffling. “You have parents who genuinely love you and would never do anything to hurt you, even accidentally. You don’t know the half of what I’ve been through these nineteen miserable years.”

Emile winced. “No, I don’t. I said I know in reference to the fact that what they did was neglect. And emotional abuse.”

Remy sighed. He uncrossed his arms, letting them lay limp as his sides. “I’m tired, Emile. I’m so tired.”

“It’s okay to be tired,” Emile said, “So long as you don’t give up the fight entirely. Take a step back, regroup, and tackle this problem a different way.”

Remy laughed, voice still thick with tears. “Every day, you sound more and more like a shrink.”

Emile laughed with him. It felt like the sun was finally beginning to peek through the clouds. “Yeah, well. I suppose that’s a good thing, considering that I want to be a therapist, right?”

Remy rolled his eyes. “You may see it as a good thing, but I’m not so sure.”

“That’s okay,” Emile said, patting Remy’s arm. “So long as I know it’s a good thing, then you can think what you want. It’s my life, so my opinion is the one that matters most.”

Remy blinked. “See, I understand that in concept, but in practice...that’s never been the case. How does that work?”

Emile shrugged. “I’m not sure, it just...does? Like, I want to do something so I weigh the pros and cons, and if I think it’s a good idea, then I do it.”

“And you just...do it?” Remy asked. “There’s no...”

“No what?”

“No one saying it’s a bad idea, or forbidding you from doing it, or whatever?” Remy asked, waving his hands around.

“No. I mean, yeah, sometimes my friends call me a ‘grade-A dumbass’ but like...that’s just friends joking around together. It’s all in good fun, we’ve established it’s not said as an insult, and if I still want to do the thing, they won’t stop me,” Emile explained.

Remy frowned and shook his head. “That sounds...weird. Unnatural.”

“It’s called independence,” Emile said. “And not everyone gets the same amount of it. You’ve never had any and now, all of a sudden, you have all of it. No one can tell you what to do. If you wanted to you could up and quit your job. You could travel the country with nothing to your name but the van you’re using and an old worn-out guitar. And that’s probably...really overwhelming.”

“Yeah,” Remy admitted, running a hand down his face. “I never know if what I’m doing is the ‘right’ thing. Not in the sense of morals, but more in the sense of if I’m going in the direction I’m supposed to be going.”

Emile winced. That sounded particularly difficult, and he knew that a lot of adults struggled with that. “You don’t have to know that, not right away,” Emile said. “You might never know, and that’s okay. So long as you’re happy where you’re at, you have to be doing something right.”

Remy let out a breath and nodded. “I’m...I’m sorry for yelling earlier.”

“So am I,” Emile said. “And I’m sorry for slamming the door.”

Remy waved him off. “All things considered, it’s not the worst thing you could have done. And it got us talking again.”

“Still, I caused a flare-up in your trauma. That’s...really not cool,” Emile said.

Remy shrugged. “I won’t hold it against you,” he said.

“You’re being too kind,” Emile said.

“Nah,” Remy said. “If anyone else were to do that, I wouldn’t have forgiven them so easily. But this is you we’re talking about. You never hurt me on purpose, rarely do it on accident, and always apologize if you do.”

Emile blinked. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. Obviously, he didn’t want to hurt Remy, because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. But at the same time, Remy saw that as a big deal. And now Emile knew why, and it made his heart break more. “Of course,” Emile said. “That’s the right thing to do.”

Remy’s smile was a bit bitter. “You see, you say that, but not everyone agrees. That’s why you’re so important, Emile. Because you see those things that might hurt me as things that might hurt me. And rather than taking your chances, you avoid them. You’re...you’re important. To me.”

Wow. “You’re...putting a lot of faith in me,” Emile said.

Remy shrugged. “I like to think that you would have the same faith in me. If not now, then one day. When I know what I’m doing when it comes to making friends, and being a normal human being.”

“Rem, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years,” Emile said, giving his friend a small grin. “It’s that there’s no such thing as a ‘normal human being.’ No need to strive for something that doesn’t exist.”

“What should I strive for instead, then?” Remy asked.

Emile shrugged, looking around. “Why not being happy where you are? Being happy with who you are? Just...loving the moment. That’s always been my goal in the past, and I think it worked out well for me.”

“You think so?” Remy asked.

“Yeah, I do. I mean, I’m happy to be here with you, and studying all the while to follow my dreams. It’s nice,” Emile said. “And while it’s not the perfect situation, and we definitely need to figure out where to cut back in expenses so we can afford more food, and maybe a chair or two, it’s nice. I’m not sure if there is such a thing as a ‘perfect situation’ in all honesty. So I just relax, remind myself of why I’m happy, and just like that, my mood improves, and I’m content.”

“Wow. You...clearly do not have that many mental health issues,” Remy laughed.

Emile shook his head. “You worry me, Rem. I’ve had my bad days, but it’s true that I haven’t struggled with depression, or PTSD, or anxiety to the degree you have. It’s still a therapeutic technique that helps, though. I’d recommend trying it.”

“Right, because that will solve all my problems,” Remy sighed.

“It’s not meant to solve all your problems.”

“I know it’s not, I’m just not looking forward to trying it,” Remy said. “But for you, I’ll give it a shot.”

#if there's a place i could be #sanders sides fanfiction #remile #emile picani #ts sleep

[raebellian]

Why I love Katara from ATLA

Katara is underrated and doesn’t deserve all the hate people give her. Like everyone else in the Gaang, she was an invaluable member that they couldn’t have survived without. Hear me out—this is going to be a long one.

First, her role as team mom: We all know that the Gaang saw Katara as a motherly figure—even Sokka, her older brother. Remember The Desert? Aang was having a mental breakdown over Appa, Sokka was high on cactus juice, Toph couldn’t see, and Katara literally held them together. Sure, sometimes Katara lost her temper or acted bossy, but come on! Whose mom doesn’t? In fact, Toph and Sokka agreed in The Runaway that even though Katara got on their nerves sometimes, it was that exact trait of bossiness that the Gaang relied on so much. And I think a lot of those scenes where Katara fussed over things were super cute; it literally made the Gaang seem like a little family.

Second: I know people hate on Katara for talking about her mom so much. But admit it, we were all annoying at one point in our teenage years. And imagine if something happened to your mom or a similar parental figure. If you were a young child when it happened? If you spent years and years thinking it was your fault? If your father was always away and you had to step up as your own mother’s replacement, forced to shove that darkness deep down, hoping for the day when you could get some closure?

When Aang realized he lost his people and broke down in The Southern Air Temple, Katara was there for him. She said it was okay to be sad, that she understood, that she was going to help him. She didn’t have to do that. She barely knew him at the time. But grief is grief, no matter its size and form and how it’s dealt with, and she found a way to get through to him. Same with Haru and Jet. Katara reached out to them by exchanging stories with them, and listened to theirs with compassion as well. 

Of course, everyone expresses/copes with grief in different ways, but Katara’s grief wasn’t any lesser than her friends, nor were her coping mechanisms any less valid.

Let’s talk about Sokka. He admitted he saw Katara as a mother, and that he couldn’t even recall Kya’s face. He also seemed to be much closer with Hakoda throughout the show. Might I also remind you of Sokka’s general goofiness and rather out-of-the-blue sexist attitude at the beginning. I really doubt the sexism was due to Southern Water Tribe Culture—or why would Kanna go there to escape the sexism of the north? Sokka likely developed that mindset as a coverup for his grief, whereas Katara had to bottle up her feelings and step up as the motherly figure as a young child. Sokka’s coping mechanism was to goof around and pretend nothing got to him, and Aang avoided his duties and hardships until he eventually learned to confront them. 

Yes, Katara said some awful things to both Sokka and Aang in The Southern Raiders, but she was a teenage girl mourning the loss of the person she loved most in the world, and whom she seemed to develop her whole personality and identity around. Sometimes you lash out, lose control, and accidentally hurt your loved ones—especially if you’re just a child forced to grow up too fast in a war torn world.

In any case, there’s no doubt that Katara regretted what she said to Sokka right after she said it (look at her expression in that scene), and it’s almost certain that she went and made up with him afterwards. It wasn’t the first time one of the siblings accidentally hurt the other, and it certainly wasn’t the last time either. But there’s no doubt that the siblings loved each other unconditionally, which gave them the ability to make up no matter what, every single time without fail.

Third: I know a lot of people criticize Katara for her initial mistrust of Zuko. True, Katara tends to hold grudges. But from her pov, Zuko did break her trust (which she gave out quite readily, especially for someone from the water tribe) and none of Team Avatar actually witnessed Zuko’s epic redemption arc firsthand. Katara also felt extremely guilty and scared for almost wasting the spirit water on Zuko’s scar, which would’ve ended Aang for good.

The others in the Gaang had more inclination to trust Zuko due to Iroh defending him when he came to them for help in Ba Sing Se, while Katara was stuck in a creepy underground cave probably having a panic attack and fully expecting to be killed at any given moment. I’d probably lash out too if someone locked me up and suddenly yeeted in a guy who tried to kill me and my friends on multiple previous occasions, even if his hair did have a major glow up. 

Speaking of Zuko and his glow up... oMg hE’s sO hOt! Cute fictional boy with dark hair, we all stan!!! Draco in leather pants, anyone? While I love Zuko as much as any ATLA fan, he did his fair share of bad things. The entire first season? His betrayal of Iroh? Sure, Katara had her moments, but did you guys really forget how Zuko treated Iroh? How he constant belittled him on the ship in S1 and in the prison in S3, while still demanding Iroh’s advice? Of course, Zuko got better and gained redemption and forgiveness—he absolutely deserved it in the end—but doesn’t Katara deserve similar sympathy after making far lesser mistakes than Zuko? Is it because she’s not an attractive bad boy? Imagine Katara as a hot dude with a brooding, chiseled face, and I guarantee you the same people who hate her so vehemently will automatically stan her. It’s almost as if there’s a double standard for female characters or something...

In conclusion: Katara cares so, so much with all her heart about everything and everyone, loving and hating with equal passion, and I think that’s beautiful. She is the epitome of gentle yet unyielding femininity (as opposed to Toph’s brashness or Azula’s coolness), and we need more female characters like her who are unabashedly feminine and proud of it. In today’s society, girls are often shamed for being girly, hence the “mean popular girl” trope and the “not like other girls” trend. That’s why we see so many tomboys in fiction, girls who are strong and tough and one of the guys. That’s why we see so many ice queens in fiction, who are equal parts beautiful and deadly in everything they do. Of course, these types of girls are just as valid (and why Toph, Azula, and so many other ATLA girls are so popular and iconic), but women irl are so incredible because of their diversity—not only in appearance but in personality. 

That’s what makes ATLA so good: each character has their strengths and weaknesses and undergoes an incredible character arc. Each member of the Gaang is unique and essential and they all balance each other out personality-wise. Without Katara, ATLA would not be the masterpiece it is, would not be so acclaimed for its incredibly written characters. Without Katara, western animation would be lacking of an incredibly written character, a POC girly girl who is soft and gentle and nurturing and can kick ass in a dress and fancy hair. Without Katara, little girls who grew up watching ATLA would grow up with perhaps many good female role models, but they would miss out on one in particular who would teach them it’s okay to care too much, it’s okay to cry and be angry and hate, it’s okay because in the end things will always get better and so will you. That it’s going to be okay, and there’s always hope and light in the world no matter what life throws at you. That’s what Katara means to me, and that’s why I love her so much.

~Raebelle

#atla #avatar the last airbender #katara #feminism #gaang #team avatar #katara is a badass #katara is amazing #femininity #sexism #misogyny #why all the hate #seriously you guys wtf #girl didn't come all the way from the south pole #bring aang out of a murderous rampage twice #literally fight the patriarchy #master waterbending in like a few months #deliver a literal human baby on a cliffside #literally bring aang back to life and singlehandedly save the avatar cycle #take mercy on her mother's killer #train and heal the next avatar as well #to be treated like this smh #stop sleeping on sugar queen already #thank you for listening to my ted talk

[carnistcervine]

Sokka and Katara / Zuko and Azula swaps

Okay, I kinda gotta get this off my chest. I really don’t see the whole Sokka and Katara swap with Zuko and Azula in Fire Nation-Water Tribe swap AUs.

Okay, I kind of do. On the surface, it’s perfect! They’re siblings, the same ages(or at least close, Sokka is 15, Zuko is 16/17), Sokka/Zuko is the overlooked older brother, Katara/Azula is the prodigy younger sister. Sokka/Zuko are the weapons masters, Katara/Azula are the master benders. And in a way, they are foils of one another. I get it.

But, every time I see it, the characters have to completely swap personalities. And what’s the point of calling him Sokka if he’s just Zuko in Sokka’s body? What’s the point of calling her Azula if she’s just Katara in Azula’s body? If your just going to completely switch the main characters personalities, why not just have a body-swap fic, or just change their nationalities? Why label them as characters they’re not? And ultimately, the characters do kind of have to drastically change personalities to work like this. (Read my whole thing, I swear I have a good reason to feel like this-)

Let’s take a look at Sokka. He’s intelligent, can think on his feet, a great strategist, a prodigy with weapons, extremely pragmatic, humble, fairly wise in some aspects, and great with plans. Of course, he’s also a very closed book, he’s insecure, he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings. He’s deeply empathetic, but also very slow to open up to others. He’s scared of his own vulnerability and has a strong desire to protect those he cares about. He’s also a clear voice of reason, who occasionally does dumb stuff for comedic effect.(They had to nerf him before he became too powerful)

Now let’s look at Zuko. He’s passionate, an excellent firebender, but not a prodigy, a natural with the sword, VERY dramatic, an open book, opens up to others fairly quickly, but not always. Headstrong, stubborn af. He’s kind of entitled, and rather prideful. He’s compassionate, even if he tries to deny it. He’s also deeply angry and hurt due to abuse and trauma. Deep down he is a good person, even if his attempts at being good or helpful are awkward or poorly thought out. Yeah, Zuko don’t plan shit. He leap befo he look.

While Sokka and Zuko do share parallels, they aren’t very alike. Now, I know that this could be interesting in a swap, but for this kind of swap, they aren’t similar enough to fulfill the other’s role in the story. Not without completely reworking their character.

On the fem side of the coin, let’s take a look at Katara. She’s very passionate, kind, compassionate, highly empathetic, dramatic af(lets be real). The Mom Friend(TM). She’s also self-righteous, headstrong and stubborn as an earthbender. She also has a vicious anger that seethes and boils, dark and troubling like an undertow. But ultimately she’s a very loving and open person. If a bit awkward at times.

Now let’s look at Azula. She’s cold. Not even a closed book, but a freakin’ locked one! She’s highly manipulative, saying whatever it takes or feigning what ever emotions necessary to achieve her ends. Her mask blends into her face, so it makes you wonder if she ever wore one in the first place. She’s highly pragmatic and a great strategist who can think on her feet. Her biggest problem is that she relies too heavily on fear keeping others in line, and her own luck. Also, yeah, she’s super intelligent. Gotta give her a lot of credit there. And finally, she’s very deeply afraid of her own vulnerability. She’s obsessed with perfection, and perceived superiority. She’s too haughty for her own good.

Katara and Azula share even fewer parallels to be honest. While Katara is very warm and open with a hidden venom for only those that genuinely cross the line, Azula doesn’t feel much for anyone. It’s possible that there are people she genuinely loves or cares about, but she never allows herself to be genuine long enough to show it. And no, I’m not saying that Azula couldn’t fufill Katara’s role because she EVILLL!!!1 I feel like good!Azula would be more like a character like Raava or maybe Yang Chen. Where she preforms her duty in a rather detached way. She does things for the greater good of the world, regardless the cost, while not particularly caring about who gets hurt or who’s toes she steps on. Meanwhile, evil!Katara wouldn’t be cold and detached or even care about perfectionism in the slightest. She’d be a calm, but dark simmering anger like an undertow that sucks you down and drowns you. She is not cold or detached, she’s very passionate and angry.

Really, Sokka’s cool nature and reluctance to open up makes him a better parallel for Azula, and Zuko’s hot, passionate, EVERYTHING makes him a better parallel for Katara.

Also, another thing we cannot forget- Azula is one of Zuko’s abusers. Katara. Would. Never. Hurt. Sokka. (And vice versa!!)

So, considering the characters personalities, their roles and themes within the story, I do actually have a swap idea that I think would work better.

Katara swaps with Zuko.

Sokka swaps with-

(drumroll pls)

....

Iroh!

Wait, hear me out! :’D

Azula and Zuko’s dynamic reads very heavily as extremely antagonistic. Azula almost never helps Zuko and spends the majority of the story either actively hunting him down or actively antagonizing him in some way. Even when she’s on his side, she’s antagonistic and rather mean towards him and may or may not be using him a blackmail/a buffer to avoid being in Ozai’s direct line of fire.

After all, it’s easier to be the golden child when the scapegoat is around.

Meanwhile, Sokka and Katara’s dynamic reads as very genuinely familial and platonically affectionate. We get a good sense that these two have a deep love for one another, Katara may be hotheaded and stubborn, and even irrational at times, but Sokka loves her and would do anything to keep her safe. He loves her unconditionally.

Sound familiar? :D Zuko and Iroh function in a fairly similar way, Iroh cares very deeply for Zuko and loves him unconditionally. He ultimately acts as a voice of reason and a pillar of support for his spit-fire nephew.

Now, it’s not a perfect mix. Iroh is way older than Sokka, and Sokka(the level headed one) sees Katara(the hotheaded one) as a parental figure. But over all, I feel like it works better without having to completely change their personalities.

Now, don’t get me wrong, if you are looking to actually swap/change character dynamics, Azula with Katara, and Zuko with Sokka works fine. I just don’t feel like Azula-Katara and Zuko-Sokka work very well as direct role/character swaps(which are the kind I usually see). I simply don’t feel the characters are similar enough to fit in the other’s roles. *shrug*

Wait I’m gonna have to write this huh?

I TAKE IT BACK.

THE SWAP IS FINE.

NO.

BRAIN NO.

fejnfnekjrngjk

*adds to WIP pile while grumbling about fandom being a Sisyphean task*

#ATLA #Avatar #Katara #Zuko #Sokka #Azula #Iroh #Fuck I want to read this now #BUT I HAVE TO WRITE IT #DAMN IT BRAIN #RIP me #Honestly this is a general fandom and fanfic issue #Where characters are swapped because their popular #But their personalities are not appropriate for their roles so it ends up as more of a body swap #I don't mind characters being put into positions that they wouldn't normally be in #But the dynamics between characters needs to reflect the characters actual personalities #Again this applies to a lot of fandoms and is not specific to these four characters #And no this is not directed at any one or any fics in particular #It's just something I've been sitting on for a while coming from various fandoms #My Take