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unkat · 2 months

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chilaios medical au idea i have been bouncing in my head (will not be written until after my current one is done)

i am thinking of a like firefighter/paramedic story for these guys. where laios is a new shift commander/chief at a small middle of nowhere station and chilchuck is a medic from a big city who keeps getting reassigned because he is trying to recruit for a union and the company is trying to make his job unworkable/find a reason to let him go.

laios was promoted because of his work ethic and ability to teach other people about the ins and outs of emergency medicine, not because he wanted to be in charge. he is too new and disinterested in the company politics to throw him under the bus for other people, and by the time someone explicitly says he needs to fire him, he has gotten attached.

"he's reliable, does good work, and catches things nobody else here would have. i know he cussed out the family trying to get into the rig, but he had already told them no and they should be grateful he saved their daughter instead of filing a complaint! even if i were to discipline, he deserves a verbal warning and not dismissal. You were not there, and i am his direct superior."

(wins the argument and walks away trying not to hyperventilate)

also falin is a surgeon and marcille is a research fellow who abandoned her big-city super-focused projects to come out into the country and work with subpar equipment and an incompetent assistant. im not thinking like full rural hospital here, but closeish to it. could be an academic satellite hospital and she switched from like gene therapy trials to studying exposures/population/histology stuff.

shifting the touden hyperfixation from monsters->medical fascination i think would still get across the same vibes. falin is very nice and pleasant but she treats everyone nicely and pleasantly without actually empathizing with them. shes one of those surgeons who went to shadow a heart transplant in college and cried because it was so beautiful and then got a bunch of scholarships plus student loans for med school.

laios hunts and has a big appreciation for the lives of things he kills and butchering/using everything he can. then it translates to him being fascinated by the human body as an object more than as a being that is different and special from other animals that he is a part of. he is a fantastic emergency responder because of this- people are a pile of flesh that is broken somewhere, and he wants to figure out why. (this is something that I'm like. not sure if it is okay for me to include because it can be squicky/triggering. but i feel like when I'm unsure if I'm going too far that is when i am reaching the line i want to?)

the touden siblings still go hiking and mudding and spend their time off in the woods (marcille wears white shorts and sandels on a hike leaving laios to be very explicit and offering clothes to chilchuck when he offers him to join. chilchuck borrows his shirt and it is way too big, but he keeps it for a while.)

chilchuck is extra divorced. he facetimes with the girls a couple of times a week and gets them on rotating holidays. sometimes ex-mrs. tims invites him over for dinner because she feels sorry for him and her new boyfriend is also there. it's awkward but they both know he's harmless, just annoying and closed off. he smokes but has tried to quit 7-8 times. started when he was an emt and couldn't shake it because it helped him destress. he only knows how to drive well enough to pass his vehicle license renewals and still doesn't know what the buttons in his car do. the ac has been "broken" for a week before a station mechanic pushes the button to turn it back on (they should put a subway around here, stupid cars).

laios respects his experience and history of being at a constantly busy station that saw a variety of crazy shit. chilchuck initially resents him for being so out of touch, but grows to respect his leadership abilities. laios also always follows up on cases at the hospital to figure out the outcome and reflect on best practices.

he is the first person to get chilchuck to actually debrief after a shitty call and chil cries and never wants to talk about it again. but its like a seal in a dam has been breached, and opens up when they are cuddling on the couch. they spend more time off shift with each other. chilchuck crashes on laios' couch and initially feels like he needs excuses to do it until laios says he really likes talking with him and having him there. he tells him about the company's EAP coverage and that he encourages everyone to take advantage of it.

in the end, they hit that threshold of basically living together, and one of them would need to change their station (superior/employee romance) after they go from making out off shift in secret to seriously considering having laios meet his daughters in person. (they already think they're married because laios is always there when they call now)

#unkat rants #i cant stand them #chilaios #dungeon meshi filter #...i updated the tag for folks who saw this directly already #sorry for the confusion

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hanni-simp · 2 years

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Doctor!Stone and Agent!Robotnik headcanons

-Im gonna be honest, it isn’t too different from their canonical dynamic

-Robotnik always plans the schedule so that they have as much time working as possible during the hours Stone has enforced (he had to make a mandatory time frame for every day because Robotnik would have them planned working nearly 24hrs a day)

-Stone has holidays off and gives Robotnik a good amount of days off, welcomes using vacation days. Robotnik despises it, saying that it goes against all productivity and that he should be planning the schedule anyways so he should have the final say in this (he both shouldnt and doesnt)

-One day Robotnik comes into work, shivering and sort of dazed. Stone gets a thermometer and Robtnik’s temperature is 103. Needless to say, he is on mandated sick leave for the rest of the week. When he gets back at work he rants for the first half hour about the human body being stupid and fragile. When he’s done Stone just nods and goes back to work, muttering something about how maybe if Robotnik took care of himself his body wouldn’t be so fragile.

-Whenever Stone is doing work and Robotnik has nothing better to do he’ll stand behind and loudly point out every mistake Stone’s making. Usually saying something along the lines about the government and its habit of uplifting imbeciles.

-Stone is painfully patient with it all, asking Robotnik what he thinks would be an appropriate solution to the problem and saying nothing when Robotnik raises an eyebrow and says, “Isn’t that your job, Doctor?”

-Robotnik refers to Stone either as “Stone” or “Doctor”, never says sir. He doesn’t explicitly state why but it’s obvious to the both of them its because he resents being someone’s inferior so neither mention it.

-Stone, despite his patience, does sometimes have to make sure Robotnik remembers that Stone is still his boss. Once, in a meeting, Robotnik explodes and goes off on Stone, making a huge scene. During all this Stone just stares at Robotnik with a blank stare. When Robotnik finally finishes, out of breath, Stone speaks up. “Do not speak to me like that again, Agent. I can and will have you fired. Do not show up tomorrow.”

-When Robotnik does get back into work he is purposely subpar as a way to get back at Stone who says nothing about any of it. Instead, he just doesn’t smile, staring wordlessly at the mechanics with a blank face. This barely-a-reaction eventually gets to Robotnik and he steps up behind Stone to correct something he’s doing but not in the way he usually does it. He’s gentler, explaining the mistake in its whole. Stone listens throughout it, smiling afterwards and going back to the work.

-Nobody at the government knows why Stone hasn’t fired Robotnik yet. It bewilders most if not all of them when Stone, the government’s most prized secret, stands back and lets his assistant introduce himself first with a look of what could almost be adoration rather than annoyance. When someone has the courage to ask he just shrugs and says something along the lines of Robotnik being intelligent and a capable worker. What he doesn’t tell them about is the day where Robotnik got hurt and for the first time after he’d let Stone help him with no hesitance. What he doesn’t tell them about is the fact that when Stone had caught Robotnik’s sickness and was considerably worse off, ending up bedridden, Robotnik had hummed some tune and held him, stroking his hair and shushing him when Stone would twist in bed and cry out in pain. How when Stone was finally coherent enough to give a reliable answer Robotnik asked him if he was okay, how he’d held on a little tighter when Stone shook his head. What he didn’t tell them was that they trusted each other, and that they were as equal as any boss and employee could be.

-Robotnik is often mistreated or talked down to since he’s considered to be just an assistant. While Stone generally frowns upon making a scene in front of the higher-ups this is an exception, him having given Robotnik explicit permission to talk back when someone is treating him poorly. It amuses him to no end to watch it happen.

-Even though Robotnik isn’t as smart as Stone he is still very much a genius so when Stone is talking technical terms Robotnik, unlike most of the room, understands completely and has his own interjections. However, when there is something that Stone talks about and Robotnik doesn’t understand, he gets angry afterwards and nearly throws a fit (well, sometimes he goes through with it, but Stone mostly stops him)

-The whole Sonic thing doesn’t happen. Stone is much better with social interaction and manipulation so with him being the smartest man in the world that would most likely be amplified and he would be able to just manipulate Sonic into things instead of doing whatever Robotnik was doing (I love him but Robotnik is an idiot sometimes, man couldn’t catch a child because he runs fast)

-When they do eventually get together Stone has to use the whole “I can still fire you” schtick when he finds out that even though he’s been giving both of them a good, healthy schedule to be in and out of work, Robotnik has been staying up until four or five in the morning doing research.

-Robotnik makes Stone’s coffee ofc, he’s not perfect at it because he doesn’t think he should be taking the time out of his day to perfect something as mundane as coffee. Stone drinks it anyway with a smile on his face because Robotnik made it for him and that man is whipped.

#stobotnik #sorry if this is ooc #actually Im not sorry #I lied just now #robotnik x stone #doctor robotnik #agent stone #stone x robotnik #I think about this AU way too much #every day #every hour #every minute #also the badniks shoot lasers instead of rockets #because its more efficient #poor stone #cant stop being bossed around #even when hes the boss

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slowjamastan · 1 year

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@council-of-beetroot i got self conscious abt adding too much to aris og post sorry

ohhh man.

whos both online enough and impulsive enough to buy a checkmark, and then be stupid about it... easy candidates: prussia, denmark, and the usa. i think canada, the philippines, belgium, and south korea also have potential (source: headcanons).

denmark would mostly impersonate people close to him imo, def sweden and probably norway. if he didnt get banned by then he'd do some of his non-related buddies too. anything he does is meme tier ("danish is a better language than mine #finallyadmittingit") <- not even funny he just wanted to screencap it. for "proof". no one laughs but no one cares enough to be mad

prussia is impersonating celebrities, historical figures, brands, the german government, whoever. hes got 15 alternate accounts on tweetdeck and all of them brand checkmarked. hes pretending to be queen elizabeths ghost and shit its real bad. when he impersonates another country its without a single thought to consequences ofc so he ends up digging up 1000yo beef with a bunch of neighbors (hungary, poland, ALLLLLL the baltics, not russia tho) so to retaliate estonia is archiving everything. for reasons.

i think canada would do some lighthearted joshing at america, also at meme tier. ("ill never be as cool as my big brother why do i try #ohcanada") alfred retaliates by being an asshole in real life. nut taps him at the next meeting or smth. al insists theyre the same age thats what hes on about

philippines and belgium im saying based off of vibe, i dont have anything specific to add. maybe theyre both smart enough to not impersonate other nations, but not smart enough to resist the temptation of checkmark shenanigans. philippines impersonates a fast food brand. belgium pretends to be a sports team. theyre all minor celebrities in their own right and funny on the internet. screencaps from each of their bs ends up in compilation threads and sometimes ppl notice the demigods names among the other people sometimes they dont

wait i have another one. hungary pretends to be austria and goes "Actually Hans Schuberht Johann VIs early compositions were subpar compared to his later work." roderich calls her later and is like. how could you say that about me i thought we were friends. then the rest of the time w her checkmark shes hyping up/one upping gilberts stupid antics. he convinced her to via discord call and theyre having so much fun. like children again

alfred is being an asshole. hes KY and ballsy enough to impersonate russia and talk shit at a politically unstable time. and technically hes not saying anything that crazy, but its Not Good. and hes like it was just a prank bro while the fbi is swatting his ass (i say all this with love in my heart). this was all after a long days work of impersonating trump and other us politicians

and south korea impersonates north korea in an insensitive manner! send post

#post #sorry i really love this

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whumpurr · 3 years

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Adrien and Sawdust part 6

cw: pet whump, whump recovery, bodily mutilation, self harm, brief and vague mention of past noncon, dehumanization, conditioned whumpee, unreliable narrator, brief mention of dissociation

masterlist

Sawdust was searching for his bag the second Master was gone. He hopped out of bed, punctuated with a fit of dizziness as he got to his feet, and crawled around the room looking for his duffel bag. The bright blue bag was nowhere to be found, and Sawdust wasn’t great at seeing in the dark either.

He started to wonder, to second guess himself. Did Master put the bag somewhere in the room and Sawdust just isn’t seeing it? Is he overlooking it? Did he even have a bag at all? Did it come with him to this new house, or was it left with his previous master? No, no, he remembered seeing it next to his kennel with those other people.

If he left the room now, Master would surely hear it and question him, or worse, punish him for disturbing his sleep. As much as Sawdust wanted his ears back, he just had to trust that Master would return them in due time.

Sleeping was difficult without the familiar squeeze of his headband around his head, but with a full stomach he managed to eventually fall asleep even if it took a while.

Sunlight came all too soon for Sawdust. The light peeked through the curtains and he couldn’t physically sleep any more. He was dreading going downstairs and having to face his master, having to eat beside him. He could only imagine what his master was going to do to him. Would he record him? Bring his friends over and show him how pathetic and stupid he looked eating out of a bowl on the floor? Sawdust shook himself out of his thoughts; he was just a dog anyways, he shouldn’t have enough of an ego to be embarrassed.

He was getting himself out of bed, going down onto his hands and knees when he heard a soft knock on the door, followed by Master’s quiet voice.

“Sawdust?” Master said from the other side of the heavy wooden door. “Come on, let’s go get some food.”

Sawdust got to the door and opened it with his paw, stepping out and following Master.

Master gave him a bowl of dog food once he was downstairs. Sawdust half contemplated asking Master about his ears, but really, if Master had taken them away then it was because Sawdust did not deserve them any more.

“Master,” Sawdust murmured, “Is- is there anything your pet can- can do? To assist?”

Master looked thoughtful for a moment then laughed, laughed at Sawdust.

“I think my work stuff is a bit advanced for you,” Master took a bite of his own food, “I want you to focus on… recovery, for now. Okay? That means you rest up and come get me if you want anything, food, water, whatever.”

Sawdust nodded, “Yes, Master,” before he continued eating, the hard kibble crunching satisfyingly between his teeth. He couldn’t work up the courage to ask Master about the ears or his bag, or where they’ve gone.

Lunch and dinner went similarly, with Master coming, getting his pet, and taking him downstairs to eat. Each time Sawdust couldn’t work himself up enough to ask Master about his ears. The lack of his ears made Sawdust feel… Wrong. Like he wasn’t a real dog, like he was a subpar pet. He wasn’t good enough to this new Master who had otherwise been so kind to him. What had he done to deserve this?

Night eventually fell, and Sawdust did his best to do as Master said and get to sleep. He curled up in the nest of blankets and pillows that his Master had made in the corner for him, and let himself begin to drift off. As he was doing so, he couldn’t help but wonder why his Master was withholding his belongings from him. Nevertheless, his eyelids grew heavy, and he eventually fell into a deep sleep.

Adrien was still getting accustomed to feeding someone using a dog bowl, with dog food, on the floor. It was a strange experience, and doing it made him feel dirty, but it was all Sawdust was going to accept so if it was between that or making the pet starve again, he would have to go with the former.

He was still very aware of just how lost he was in all of this. He searched the internet and scoured his social media for something that could give him some kind of life preserver in all of this. Finally, finally, he found something. A chatroom for pet owners. From the looks of it, it was heavily moderated and geared more towards pet liberation activists, and pet rehabbers, and people who actually cared for their pets. He requested to join and was accepted within the hour. He immediately sent a message to the ‘help’ section.

Adrien: >> Hey guys, I’m a new owner and I didn’t do as much research as I should have. >> Long story short, I didn’t keep as close an eye on my pet as I should’ve, and he ended up not eating because I wasn’t giving him dog food. Is that a normal thing? How can I help him?

It wasn’t five minutes before one of the other owners responded,

1Y4N4: >> oof, thats no good dude.. definitely watch him harder and probably just stick to feeding him what he wants for now. u said hes new right? let him stay in his comfort zone for a little bit probably

Adrien: >> Thanks. I’ll do that.

1Y4N4: >> np, im a bit more experienced as an owner but i dont think mine were as conditioned as urs >> at least not in that way

Zo: >> Bro wtf? You’re the source of your pet’s whole life and shit, you really should’ve done more research.

Adrien sat and watched as this ‘Zo’ person continued to rip into Adrien for his irresponsibility, though the ‘1Y4N4’ user at least tried to defend Adrien. It wasn’t long before Zo quieted down and 1Y4N4 was able to speak up again,

1Y4N4: >> lots of actual dogs eat things that arent dog chow >> maybe show your pet some videos of people feeding their dogs other stuff, maybe hell be more open then

Adrien thanked the user, and used the rest of his evening compiling some videos and researching, finding the outer bounds of what dogs could eat in hopes that he could convince Sawdust. It was far from exactly what he wanted, but he felt some semblance of satisfaction that there was at least a way to progress forwards.

Sawdust finally came up with a plan when he was coming out of the bathroom the next morning. It was before Adrien had gotten up. As Sawdust was leaving the bathroom, he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

His hair was all matted, and the fringe at his forehead was beginning to grow to hide his eyes. He looked lacking without his ears. There were deep circles under his eyes. At least the peaks of his cheeks and his lips were starting to regain some color now that he had a steady supply of food which he undoubtedly did not deserve. The scratched scar across his nose bridge and cheek that one of the other dogs gave him was still there. He looked at that and followed it across his face to his second ears.

His dumb second ears, the ones on either side of his head that his last master hated so much. His previous master had always told him that they made him look less like a dog, less like a pet, when a pet was all Sawdust ever wanted to be. Because if he wasn’t a pet, then he was a toy for both Master and the other dogs, and that was one step above the most reprehensible thing he could be. He had been downgraded to ‘toy’ for a short amount of time previously, and he was eternally grateful that he was never dropped even lower, to being nothing but food for the other dogs.

Master threatened that sometimes, chopping him up and feeding him to the other dogs.

Whenever Sawdust looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn’t help imagine it. Being cut up and thrown to other animals to eat. He found some part of himself that felt that- even if he could never do anything else right- he could do that right. He tried to halt that train of thought as quickly as he could, before his mind shunted him off to some dark, foggy place where he couldn’t think or feel until the bad thoughts went away.

But at the root of those thoughts, he found the problem, as well as the solution. He scrambled down to the kitchen as fast as he could go, wanting to work quickly before he could stop himself.

He got to the kitchen sink, and stood up on trembling, unused legs. They could hardly support his weight, he had to lean onto the granite countertop with his elbows as he reluctantly removed the tape from his paws using his teeth. He would need his fingers for this.

Sawdust’s breath was quick in his throat, the edges of his vision grew blurry as he tried to focus on this and only this. He had one task and he was not going to fail it. He wanted his ears back. He wanted his master to be happy with him again. Maybe this way he could earn his master’s attention and... Maybe even his affection, if a pet was allowed to hope.

Sawdust’s paws were shaky and clumsy as they took out the biggest knife out of the wooden blog. It was heavy and cold in his paw. With one paw he held the tip of one of his second ears and pulled it as far away from his head as he could.

The cold edge of the blade rested on his skin, at the valley between his second ear and his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn’t break down now, he couldn’t stop now. He took a deep, sharp breath and pressed down on the knife as hard as his feeble paws could.

Adrien shot out of bed to the sound of a piercing, howling scream from downstairs.

taglist: @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi@neuro-whump @whump-me-all-night-long @cupcakes-and-pain @whumpzone @whumpcreations @dancinglifeboat @pinkraindropsfell @looptheloup @cowboy-anon @meetmeinhellcroutons @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @firewheeesky @maracujatangerine

#whump #whump recovery #pet whump #whumpee #whump scenario #whumpblr #whump community #whump writing #whump blog #adrien and sawdust #my writing #whump fic #whump story #pet whumpee

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shinsouskitten · 3 years

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Okay so hc’s of Hawks, Dabi, Bakugo, and Shinsou with an outta pocket s/o plz! She just oozes crackhead energy and says the most funniest most wildest shit. (Hawks:*teasing her* S/O: Ah, so you think cuz your balls drag across the floor, you got jokes huh? ☺️) Sis could come up with the most immaculate of roasts (S/O: Mineta, you waste of sperm! I will rip your spine outta your ass and make it into fine China before sending it to your parents 😡) and do the dumbest things just cuz she wants to (Monoma’s on his bullshit and S/O just suplexes him without saying a single word). Imagine their faces when she breaks the fourth wall a couple of times, says some freaky shit with a straight face, or she’ll just go “Nope” and jump out of a window with no hesitation (she don’t care how high the drop is, she heading out). Need them to be with someone who just has “I woke up and chose violence” energy.

I POSTED IT TO THE WRONG ASK 😭😭😭 i still have the other request saved on the actual document so at least i didnt completely fuck it up

still, im gonna go cry in a corner so brb

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i had a stroke reading this 😅

but like i read this out to my buddy @grapefantaenby and we both were like BRO I LOVE THAT, even if my writing of it is subpar at best lol

also that m*neta insult is actual perfection. might send it to my ex

Warnings: chaos, some swear words, m*neta exists 🤮

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Hawks/Keigo Takami:

🍗 Keigo loves it

🍗 He especially loved when the two are you are partnered up, simply because of how terrified the villains are when they see you. You’re not even that scary, they just have no idea what you’re going to do

🍗 You could either decide your weapon of choice that day is a chair, or take a bag of popcorn from a nearby store and just sit there eating it while Hawks does his job (heroes don’t steal so Keigo always makes sure to go back to the store and pay for you if you forget)

🍗 He’s used to you jumping out of random windows. He was absolutely terrified the first time, and jumped straight after you to catch you, but now he just sends a bunch of his feathers to make sure you make it to the ground safely

🍗 You don’t bend over and accept everything the commission asks you to do, and it’s quite common for them to demand that Hawks keep an eye on you to ensure you don’t get into too much trouble. It’s also quite common for you to just walk out mid meeting with a middle finger to the rest of the conference room and a scream that you want food

🍗 The fourth wall breaks. Oh God the fourth wall breaks. Hawks literally just stand there like ‘what the fuck’ when you turn to an empty piece of sidewalk and mutter something about villains being too hot for their own good (legit thinks for a moment you mean temperature-wise, but is still confused anyway)

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Dabi/Touya Todoroki:

💙🔥 Oh boy. If there’s one thing that gets on Dabi’s nerves it’s chaotic individuals. He deals with Toga and Twice on a daily basis, so you’d think he’d know how to tone out the craziness. Alas, he does not

💙🔥 Sometimes he wants to throw you against the wall and just tell you to shut up for a goddamn second, and other times he wants to praise you for showing some low level villain that the league was not to be messed with. Maybe you did it with an insult about his mother, but it still worked, and the villain left you with an apology quickly enough

💙🔥 Not that Dabi would ever actually tell anyone that he thought they did a good job, so he usually just ignores you, attempting to stay out of your way (he also doesn’t really want you to insult his mother)

💙🔥 Eventually he becomes more accustomed to your… uniqueness, and occasionally you actually manage to get a half smile from him with one of your numerous insults aimed towards Shigaraki. They can get pretty creative

💙🔥 If Dabi is ever at odds with the rest of the league for some reason (there’s not really a reason, he’s just being Dabi), they - usually mom Kurogiri - sends you in an attempt to cheer him up. If you don’t manage to cheer him up, you still manage to annoy him enough to force him back to the rest of them. Either way it works out

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Katsuki Bakugou:

💥 ‘Wow you’re annoying’ is the first thing Bakugou thinks when he meets you (he should meet himself) so he plans to just ignore you. After all, he’s not there to make friends. He’s there to be the best hero

💥 Annoyingly, even with your naturally chaotic energy, you still manage to stay right on his toes. That’s what finally gets him to notice you (notice me senpai), and to his frustration, you’re barely even trying to beat him, and yet you manage to remain hot on his heels

💥 He’s surprised you’re not suspended from all the shit you pull, but you always manage to get yourself out of trouble one way or another. Even if that way is jumping out of a second story window and claiming they can’t kick you out when you’re injured (how that actually works he has no idea)

💥 He’s wanted to throw a chair at that stupid copycat Monoma since he first met him, so when you actually throw a chair at the guy, Bakugou laughs. Like really laughs. Kirishima thought he might’ve been possessed for a moment, but Monoma’s expression when he finally got back up was priceless

💥 It takes a while but he slowly manages to respect your skill as a hero - as much as King Explosion Murder can respect anyone. And even though your personality is… unusual, you’re not Deku, so he can deal with you

💥 Besides, anyone who can and will suplex Monoma without any warning is a worthy friend for him

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Hitoshi Shinsou:

💜 The first time he met you, you were screaming like a banshee running through the halls of school, chasing after a small purple speck some way off in the distance. He didn’t get involved

💜 He saw you next being held apart from Bakugou with help from Aizawa’s scarf. You were screaming again, but this time at least you sounded human. He heard something about an ‘angry pomeranian’ before he decided to leave you to it

💜 You’re part of 1A, so Shinsou doesn’t pay you much mind other than the infuriating need to prove himself to everyone that ever doubted him. He’s surprised when you don’t act like the others in your class, and first gets to talk to you after you barrel into him in the hallways mid lesson (you were both skipping so he didn’t call you out on it)

💜 He asked if you were okay, and your exasperated response of ‘Bakugou’ explained enough for him. You sat together for a while. Okay, you refused to get up from the floor. He got tired of standing and decided to join you

💜 You get your first smile from him after you’re almost caught by a teacher looking for you, when you grab his hand and make a mad dash to a darkened classroom currently unused by anyone else

💜 Your first laugh comes when you flip off Denki after he tried one of his many pickup lines on you. The blond’s reaction was great, and Shinsou couldn't help but chuckle at how you managed to twist Denki’s pickup line into some distorted insult to his… nether regions

💜 Your chaos is a nice contrast to how nonchalant Shinsou usually is. You bring some much needed joy to the purple haired insomniac, and he helps to calm you down when your usual energy might be unneeded in certain situations. You know what they say; opposites attract

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #boku no hero fic #boku no hero art #hawks x reader #keigo takami #keigo takami x reader #dabi #dabi x reader #touya todoroki #touya todoroki x reader #katsuki bakugou #katsuki bakugou x reader #hitoshi shinsou #hitoshi shinsou x reader #mha x reader

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peachysnzs · 3 years

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genshin snz headcanons

i caved here are literally All my genshin snz headcanons cause im thinkin so hard rn

albedo

def sneezes in fits but tries to stifle whenever possible

uses his elbow most of the time, but sometimes when hes especially deep in a fit he ends up just sneezing desperately in the air

quiet and breathy

tries to make his sneezes as discrete as possible but the further in fits he gets, the more desperate his sneezes sound

every time he has a buildup to a sneeze, he kinda just shudders leadin up to it yknow

he always tries to be cautious and not get anyone sick when he is sick bless him

ok this fucker inhabits an ice mountain theres no way he doesnt get at least a *couple* colds

mona

sneezes in likes twos, threes

this is so unoriginal bcs hydro vision but like her sneezes are def at least a bit wet-sounding

uses tissues when avaliable, but if not she just kinda turns to the side

loud and high-pitched

she sneezes relatively suddenly and it takes her by surprise sometimes

tbh mona feels like somebody who’d have allergies and being all sniffly and miserable looking and still try to deny that shes allergic to anything and that youre stupid for thinking so. very tsundere.

speaking of sniffly her nose probably just constantly runs like a tap when shes sick

she wouldnt even try to keep her germs to herself and would be disgusted at sick ppl even if she was the one to get you sick

hu tao

literally almost never sneezes* but when she does its singles

uses her elbow and covers her mouth, ty hu tao for being a good snz role model

kinda low and naturally soft

long ass fucking buildups! her nose just kinda itches for a whole two minutes and her breath wavers before she sneezes quickly

so for the asterisk * i kinda lied, she sneezes up a storm only when sick, she has kinda a subpar immune systme so whenever shes sick she just is stuck with sneezng consistently through the whole day til shes dizzy

jean

also sneezes in singles, occasional doubles

alternates between using hankerchiefs if avaliable or just her elbow

i feel like jean is the type of person to like excuse herself right before succumbing to a fit

small sneezes, decently graceful

i feel like shed had a dust allergy honestly

jean literally will not take sick days even when she has awful colds, and while she tries not to get ppl sick she does a kinda awful job at it

amber

two to four usually

elbow once again, but sometimes when shes gliding she cant really use her arms so she just sneezes in the air

squeaky def, high pitched

she def has hayfever and one day opens her glider and its just covered in pollen

no build ups to her sneeze, just a sharp inhale and then the snz

eula

we already saw her snz so

either single sneezes or long ass fits, no inbetween

sneezes into her gloves, but when her sneezes start to get messy she switches to a hankerchief

breathy and feminine

cyro characters get colds cause i say so

no fr tho eula just miserable w a cold and just constantly having to duck foward and sneeze into her gloves

half of her cold is her denying shes sick even when she looks absolutely horrible and the other half is complaining about how miserable she feels and demanding people to do things for her

childe

doubles usually

he sneezes into the air or in his hands this fucker would never sneeze in his elbow

messy and desperate

long! ass! fucking! buildups! he tries to hide the hitching with his builds ups but hes not at all good at it

his sneezes get so much messier the sicker he is, until hes practically just dripping

dont be decieved by the way he hides being sick, he desperately craves being coddled whenever hes sick because of his home life

suprisingly good at caretaking

diluc

triples and quadruples i feel like

elbow primarily, but sometimes uses tissues

loud and rough

he tries so hard to hide his allergies but it never works because his sneezes are always so loud

fuck it give him all the allergies

his voice gets stuffy so quickly when even in like a five foot vicinity of flowers, and his nose itches so much to the point where it feels like hes just constantly building up to another sneeze

has probably sneezed on someones drink at least once while he had a cold

kaeya

almost only fits and he fucking hates it

he usually pinches his nose to stifle but if he cant manage he either quickly goes for the elbow or just ducks his head down and sneezes towards the floor

shaky and itchy-sounding if that makes sense

yknow that little gasp people do sometimes before sneezing i feel like hed do that

never takes sick days unless forced to by jean or diluc, and ends up shambling through his daily tasks shaky and feverish and sneezy

he tries to stifle but it really does not work

rosaria

singles, and if u catch her sneezing she’ll probably make you swear to silence

literally just in the elbow

honestly i feel like shed sneeze like a kitten, or just really high and femme

she sees being sick/allergic as a sign of weakness so fights sneezing very hard. like u can see the visible effort she makes pinching her nose and shit after her breath hitches even once

also one of those dumbasses that stifle way too much and doesnt take sickdays

ningguang

doubles unless shes allergic, then its fits

she has a fancy ass lace hankerchief she carries w her speficially for snzs to look ‘proper’

she forces her sneezes to be elegant, sneezing naturally is loud tho

small buildups but v audible breaths building up to a sneeze

she has a good immune system but when she does get sick she gets it bad and tries to cover up her flushed face and red nose with makeup

without people around her she just lets herself be miserable while sneezes, lettting out small little “..guh...” after a particularly bad fit

beidou

doubles or triples

beidou would also like never use her elbow, shed sneeze in her fist even if the sneeze is messy as hell

loud and proud of it

look all im saying is beidou is a walking health hazard whenever sick, she doesnt try at all to keep colds to herself and can and wil sneeze into her hand only to shake yours seconds later

no buildups, just sudden sneezes that scare the shit out of people tho

very very fucking messy

half the time does not care if shes sick, she doesnt really feel like she needs to take sick days because she doesnt feel that bad and stuff like that

lisa

singles and occasional doubles

she keeps tissues on her and uses them relatively often

delicate and proper

the idea of lisa having a dust allergy is just everything to me, like she blows off dust from a book and ends up stuck for a few minutes with her nostrils flaring until she finally sneezes desperately into a tissue

rarely gets sick, but when she does milks the hell out of it to be as lazy as possible. like “oh im feeling so awful rn, maybe a kiss will make me feel better?~”

venti

fits fits fits

hands or elbows, really depends on how hard the sneeze hits him

decently loud and a bit high pitched

look venti is an anemo god all im saying is when he sneezes the wind picks up, and when he has fits its enough to push you over

to remedy this he just avoids everyone when sick and avoids cats with a a passion

buildups are very breathy and desperate

his nose runs so much near cats and he makes a godddamn mess of himself the longer hes around them

cats absolutely love him regardless

xiao

he gets fits only bcs i say so

literally either just the air or his hands because nobody ever taught him that he should like cover his mouth properly when sneezing

quiet but messy

the idea of xiao w just torturuous buildups does something for me. he’ll be stuck there w his breath hitching and hazy eyes for like a whole minute before he finally just ducks into his hand and makes a mess of himself

he does not understand being sick and absolutely hates it when he does get sick, 100% tries to power through it and ends up a fucking mess by the end of the day

his sneezes get stuck so often

his nose gets so fucking flushed and twitchy after a while of sneezing

ganyu

doubles or triples

sneezes in her elbow most of the time

soft and low

when she gets sick she gets so sleepy, her sneezes just kinda draw all the energy outta her and she usually ends up taking a nap

shes allergic to dogs too bcs why not

she doesnt want to bother people when sick or get them sick too so she usually takes copious sickdays until shes absolutely certain that she cant get anyone sick

zhongli

triples literally always for some reason

either into his fist or into a hankerchief

low and masculine, a bit loud

doing the same god shtick with him, the floor tends to shake whenever he gets particularly sneezy and stuff on cupboards can and will fall over when in the vicinity

no buildups really, hell just be in the middle of talking and then he blinks a bit and then sneezes roughly

he doesnt really take sick days but he doesnt really deny hes sick either, just kinda tries to get through the day despite feeling awful

#g/enshin i/mpact #sneeze kink #snz #sneeze headcanons #damn this took a while #i played favorites w x/iao and m/ona honestly #its my personal goal now to write every g/enshin character snzing at least once in a fic

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conarts · 3 years

Text

hi hello nice to meet u all cant wait to party soon!!!!! i’m sol (they/them, 21+, cst) and im a weekend fairy but i’ll thank u in advance for being patient with me :~) i have some info on garam below the cut but like tl;dr: this is her lol

like this post if you’re down to plot! im way faster on disc but ims are chill 22

song garam, 26, phenomenally subpar at most things, and only good at things that no one will believe she’s good at. welcome to the real world, garam.

she honestly has the blandest most unexciting upbringing ever. only child with average parents that were neither too loving or too cold and they were also staunchly middle class w/ nothing to write home about... INSANE !!!! even the extended family was wonder bread plain

(admittedly no one knows her well enough to know whether anything she says about her family or her past or whatever is actually true? but that’s kind of the way she rolls. she’s as unreliable as unreliable narrators get!)

anyway she’s been pretty whimsical and u...unique since she was young. probably all of that bad fanfiction she accidentally stumbled upon in her youth? but she definitely wanted to make a name for herself or like. carpe that diem and shed her boring ass life or something

so she left home abruptly about two years ago after going through all the motions (high school - average! uni - average!) to “find herself”

and “find herself” she did lmao

tbh she doesn’t ever think things through. like she gets very swept up in things that seem “cool” or “fun” and just DECIDES she will do those cool and fun things. consequences? no thank you. hindsight? NOT EVEN 20/20.

anyway she spends about a year and a half absolutely fighting for her life (not literally but figuratively) to keep her head afloat. and by this i mean she’s doing a lot of part time jobs but definitely spending more time on random mmorpgs conning people into buying her cool gear for her character etc (not intentionally) (she’s just naturally #charming haha) (ok sorry) than she should be

some random endeavors she’s attempted and failed since leaving home: pickle business (TERRIBLE, 1/10, literally doesn’t even taste sour), feet pics sorry, et*y shop where you pay for handwritten roasts on nice stationary (actually a pretty popular idea but expenses seemed to outweigh profit)

part time jobs she was also pretty bad at: convenience store clerk (fell asleep, let the store get ransacked while asleep), advertisement mascot (gave all 300 of her advertisements to one person when she had to take a piss), tutor (“sorry i thought this was for english not for math. i don’t even know what a denominator is”)

"but sol is there anything she’s good at?”

great question, sol! garam is actually a talented writer, though she’s definitely never thought to put her talents to any sort of good use (at least not until recently). serendipity leads her to her new gig, which is actually ghost-writing for a popular horror novelist. the kicker is that her writing for this novelist is really only “good” because all of the real world examples of batshit crazy shit happening in her apartment building

so is there anything she’s good at?

no.

no, there isn’t.

wanted plots

one of 1983986489738972873 people that unintentionally got roped into a short-lived relationship with her that actually just ended up being her asking for money to start a stupid business and then ghosting (never intentionally but she is definitely still ghosting, objectively speaking)

banging on ur door at 3am because she came home late and her entire room’s been emptied b/c of whatever ghosts like to play pranks at 10pm. you’re like ‘can i help you’ and she is very honest about the fact that the ghost took the toilet paper too and she has ibs

sorry she accidentally scammed you on m*plestory but can’t we let bygones be bygones why ARE YOU HOLDING SCISSORS TO HER FAKE DESIGNER PURSE

you actually know how to cook? that’s so cool! do you want to try her homemade pickled daikon? wait why do you look like you’re about to hurl? what was that? call an AMBULANCE?

couldn’t help but notice you’re reading MIRRORBREAK by hit novelist [redacted]. not to brag but she wrote the best scene in that book- what? what do you mean you don’t believe her?

classic fake dating plot where she’s like “no im not single! im dating [your name]!” except it’s not very romantic because she really just wanted the couple’s deal on movie theater popcorn AND nachos. you understand, right? it comes with nachos.

maybe someday i’ll come back to this and put together some serious plots too? maybe? someday? stay tuned.

#lmn:intro

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warmau · 4 years

Text

★ donation request: rich kid!au hongseok

judging by the huge amount of applause that’s just come from outside of the gym

you assume that means that the star of this show has just arrived

other volunteers start running around, frazzled and worried

this one - yang hongseok - is known to be a bit of a,,,,,,,,handful

which you don’t understand

the guys just another athlete like everyone else

granted he has won an insane amount of titles in such a short amount of time

and is currently the world champion of his boxing class

(oh - you know - is well on his way to being a self-made millionaire)

you just ,,,,, don’t get it

how can you be moody and snappy when your life revolves around punching people - like get your anger out in the ring, dude.

either way, scoring such a huge star for your charity work is amazing

so you’re going to bend to his every will, even if you spend the majority of the time hating it

hongseok strolls in, followed by his manager - kino - who you spent most of your time talking to on the phone in order to set this up

you introduce yourself to him and shake his hand, he’s been nothing but nice

your worry is all but focused on hongseok

your charity is all about working with kids and helping them get into free sports programs

which means a lot of the people in attendance are innocent children

so you hope hongseok keeps it ,,,,,, together

he shakes your hand - but seems almost annoyed by it - taking the glasses he’s wearing off and chucking them toward kino

“how long is this gonna take?”

is the first thing he asks and you’re already gritting your teeth

“only half an hour, we want you to talk to the kids about how you got into boxing and then take some photo-”

“kino, did they say photo-op? i never agreed to that.”

kino looks like he’s gritting his teeth too, but he’s probably so used to the treatment that he just pats hongseok’s shoulder

“it’s only two or three photos. it’ll look so good for your publicity hong”

hongseok shrugs his hand off, but veers off toward the table where your volunteers have set up drinks

kino gives you an apologetic smile as he follows suit and you just stand there gripping the clipboard in your hands so hard you think you might break it

it’s only been 5 seconds and i already know - i hate him.

you turn you attention away from hongseok though, you’ve got to make sure the gym is prepped and the kids who’ve come out to hear hongseok speak are all here

as you pass by, you hear hongseok mutter something about how this place is subpar and hot

you wish you could tell him to shut it, he’s an athlete - a little sweat won’t hurt him

but instead you remind yourself: you need this, and the kids need this.

when you’re done and you’re ready to introduce hongseok to the eager crowd

you walk over to let him know, he has his glasses on again and when you tell him everything is ready

he barely reacts - just stands up and takes off the denim jacket he’s wearing

it’s hard not to stare - the shirt is black and tight, and he’s a boxer so his body looks like its been carved from marble

but you make a point to focus your eyes on your clipboard and not on his dumb, beautiful face

hongseok notes that you aren’t oggling like just about everyone else

as you lead him toward the gym, you have the urge to say something - to beg him not to put on that bravado hes known for when hes both out of the ring and in it

sometimes, he gets a little scary and mean, and these are kids so -

you skid to a stop and turn, hongseok raises an eyebrow and an annoyed look paints his otherwise (stupid, but godly) face

“um,,,,,,just so you know - the kids out there respect you, and they all think you’re cool so im hoping you can just,,,,,be professional?”

his mouth thins into a line

“oh, so you think im going to go out there and act like a jackass?”

“no-”

yes, that’s what im worried about genius.

“no, im just - theyre all young so-”

he doesn’t bother to let you finish, instead he walks right on past you and out into the gym

the kids roar into applause and you pale - you were supposed to go out there and introduce him!!!!

but its too late, and you swallow the horror that building up in your stomach

because you feel like you just made everything so much worse-

“hi kids, im hongseok and im here to teach you that everyone in this room can follow their dreams! i followed mine and now im a?”

he points the microphone toward the crowd as everyone cheers out the words “world champion”

hongseok laughs, a big and warm smile on his face

and you blink in surprise because

oh my god, he’s doing really well actually?!!??!

the whole event goes so smoothly that you almost dont believe its happening

hongseok not only connects with the kids and plays with them well, but the photo-op he was dreading so much - is so sweet

hongseok is letting kids hang off his bicepes, he’s picking kids up on his shoulders, he’s letting them play with his boxing gloves and even has kino bring out some merch he has signed to give out

you’re in awe - this is not the snooty, flashy dude you saw half an hour ago

and whose been splayed across online news pages since he debuted in the boxing scene

he’s just,,,,,,,,,,,,nice

but then again - you remember what kino had said:this is good publicity

it could all just be an act

one of your volunteers, tall and often lost looking yuto, taps your shoulder and asks if you can go get some supplies from the charity van you guys have out back

you agree, rushing over to get the things and as you’re piling out the boxes full of tshirts and applications packets

you hear the back door open

you’re half hidden by the car, but you immediately recognize kino’s voice and ,,,,,,, hongseoks?

“i want to sponsor all of the kids.”

“hongseok, that’s gonna be a hefty check you know?”

“doesn’t matter, but don’t put my name on it - just make sure the charity people know those kids are all going to be able to pick whatever program they want and ill pay for uniforms or baseball bats or whatever they need.”

“alright, ill go find the manager.”

you almost drop the box you’re holding - there are over fifty kids in there and he’s going to sponsor all of them?!?!?! and not for the free publicity?!?!?

you rush back inside, dropping the boxes in yuto’s hands who gives you a confused look as soon as you ask where hongseok is

he tilts his head and you turn toward the gym, through the door you see hongseok is taking a couple of more photos and waving goodbye to the kids

kino finds you, and asks if you two can talk for a moment, but you shake your head

“i need to talk to hongseok.”

standing out back in the parking lot, you thank him - embarrassed about how you had acted before

“i heard you say you wanted to sponsor all the kids, and im going to be honest i -”

“you thought i was an asshole, just the way i am when im boxing or on a late night tv show right?”

you kind of give him a - can you blame me? kind of look and hongseok laughs again

up close, its brighter and more comforting then you imagined

“being a ‘softie’ doesnt get you far in my sport - so i act out, everyones like if you have abs like that whyd you ever be humble you know?”

you try not to giggle, but hongseok says its true

“well thanks again, and i know it was rude of me to tell you to ‘act professional’ you-”

“listen, id do the same thing. plus, you are probably the first person with the balls to say it to me - you do know im a boxer right?”

you kind of fumble a little, because you dont know what to say

his tone is kinda flirty, but you’re trying not to think to much into it

kino suddenly appears, reminding hongseok of another event he has to get to

he smiles and says another goodbye to you, before you have to ask

“wait- why don’t you want people to know you donated so much to us?”

“ah, same reason. the guys arent going to let me live it down when these photos of me letting kids crawl me like a tree get out so i cant imagine what theyd say if they know i spent most of my championship money to help out these kids and not buy like....a yacht.”

he waves again and you cant believe it but you feel something in your heart twinge

that night you get a voicemail from the number you’d used when talking to kino

you assume its a message from him about the event, but you’re surprised to hear hongseok’s voice when you play it

‘aside from the fact i donated a buttload to your charity - do you wanna have dinner sometime? i actually have enough money left over for that?’

you don’t believe your ears and play it back one million or so times

in the morning you drag yuto into a corner and play it for him

“do you thin its a prank?”

yuto scratches his head, “no - i think yang hongseok is interested in you.”

#pentagon scenarios #pentagon imagines #pentagon au #hongseok scenarios #hongseok imagines #hongseok au #member: pentagon #ptg scenarios #ptg au #hongseok #pentagon #sfw #donation commissions

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flowerbeom · 4 years

Text

Double Pepperoni | LJB

Part of The Pleasure Chest | A GOT7 Cringe Collaboration

Lim Jaebeom x Female!Reader Genre: College AU, Crackhead Comedy Smut Rating: Mature. So very mature. Warnings: Bad puns, Swearing & Explicit smut scenes. Word Count: 4k

Concept: to: [email protected] hey cass, its me. your best friend. or what’s left of her. remember that kinda hot but kinda gross pizza delivery guy? the one with the nose ring and always smelt of cheetos? yeh, he’s looking less gross these days. what?! don’t judge me. desperate times call for desperate measures. it has been 154 days since i’ve had sex. shit’s dire here man.

A/N: If you lean into how bad this is purposefully meant to be, you’ll really enjoy it.

All GIF credits for this series go to @defsenses.

Day 97

📧 to: [email protected] hey cass! yes my phone is still broken, and i have no idea when im going to get a new one cause im broke from visiting you in another goddamn country - so just suck it up and reply to my emails like the good best friend you are. fuck i miss you already! why the hell did you have to be smart and shit and get into that international program and go to college in Seoul of all places! do you know how far away that is?! 16 hours cassandra! 16 fucking hours on a plane with no leg room, subpar food and a middle aged balding man snoring next to you the entire time so you get no sleep on a 16 hour flight AWAY FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND. it was really good to see you though, can you thank mrs kim again for me - you really struck gold with that housing sitch you got - especially your roommate! that fine ass college freshman you DID NOT allow me to fuck! yeh yeh whatever, i get it - how the hell are you meant to look mrs kim in the eye again when your childhood best friend who you talked up to be an angel fucked her only son on the fold out couch. yes i get it, stop rolling your eyes at me. either way, its still the dry season down here. miss you, love you. bye.

It’s funny how jet lag after coming home from a holiday feels almost identical to a hangover; it’s a painful reminder that something that was quite enjoyable is over. The headache feels almost the same, along with the cotton mouth, hunger, dehydration and utter disappointment and resentful emptiness that the fun you were having is completely done - but only one makes you hurl your guts out at the smell of orange juice. Condolences to those who are unlucky enough to hurl in both instances.

Either way, that’s where you found yourself - Thursday night, half unpacked suitcase lay in the middle of your living room, eyes bloodshot and staring blankly at the television; an all consuming headache pounding between your temples. Lucky for you, you knew a sure fire way to get rid of it without painkillers. Insert Mr. Pene Falso. No literally, insert it. You didn’t call your vibrator Fake Penis in Spanish not to insert it. And in case anyone hasn’t caught on yet, an orgasm legitimately helps get rid of a headache. Try it next time.

As ever, positioning is important - preparation is key. Sweatpants pushed down to your ankles, one leg completely fished out. Sideways lean, cushion under one elbow, completely bare leg propped up onto the couch; allow for maximum spread when those pre-orgasm hip rolls start. Set Mr. Pene Falso on one, there is no need to go hard straight away - ease into the session, let the endorphins build. You have been deprived of a real penis for a while, so you know you’re eager; but a little self control will yield the most delicious of results.

You will run the long race to Destination Stimulation and you will bite that bottom lip as your eyes roll back into their sockets as your long awaited, slow built, easy increase of settings on Mr. Pene Falso brings home the most delectable of orgams. It will not be a dry night, no sir. So lower that beautiful vibrating, bright pink silicone wand onto your clit--

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

Who the fuck..? Your eyes snapped to the front door, your hand clenched around your vibrator just millimetres away from your clit. A small loosening of your grip dropped the angle and the tip of your vibrator dipped against your clit, sending shockwaves through your body. A gravely moan escaped you; your focus immediately brought back to the task at hand. Literally.

Ignore it, it’s probably no one important. That’s what you told yourself, shaking your head and leaning back against the couch once again. You licked your bottom lip at the enticing notion of self-induced euphoria. Spreading your legs further than before, you corrected your grip and pushed Mr. Pene Falso into you. Your head dropped back involuntarily, your teeth marked your bottom lip and those pre-orgasm hip rolls started slowly. It felt devine, finally some release; a little bit of pleasu--

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

“Who the fuck?!”

“Pal’s Pizza!”

Tossing Mr. Pene Falso aside, you yanked on your sweatpants, wiped the one bead of sweat off your brow and stampeded to your door.

“You got the wrong house, buddy!” Ripping it open, your rage was greeted with a face you had not seen in a long time. Your eyes blew wide, as the eyes of the man before you narrowed; complimenting the smirk etching across his face. The ever familiar smell of cheetos, weed and pepperoni of years passed filled your nostrils and nostalgia wasn’t a word you wanted to use in that instance, but repressed memories were being dug up nevertheless.

A few moments of stone-cold silence passed before a subtle hum started to invade your auditory peripherals. Leaving your eye-line, Mr. Pal’s Pizza leaned sideways, throwing his smirk into the apartment behind you and directly onto the bright pink silicone wand still vibrating on your couch. All colour drained from your obviously stiffened face.

He scoffed. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt your alone time. Mind if I join you instead?”

Day 106

📧 to: [email protected] hey cass did you know that there’s a woman in Georgia, who due to a rare disorder, experiences hundreds of orgasms a day? she’s just persistently aroused and will climax any time, anywhere - even in the most obscure of places. whereas I cannot even have one, in my own goddamn apartment. because you will never guess who delivered a pizza to the wrong house last week. Crusty Jae. Yyu heard me. Fucking Lim Jaebeom from high school! Who by the way, still looks like a tryhard 2006 Skaterboi with his stupidly baggy jeans, Stussy t-shirt and bad haircut - or lack thereof who fucking knows. AND he still smells like damp. No no, he doesn’t smell damp. He smells like damp. Like the idea of damp. but istg i could still cut myself on that jawline of his. and come to think of it, I haven’t had pizza in ages. miss you. love you, bye.

Day 114

“Seriously dude, you need to stop ‘delivering pizza to the wrong house’. It’s getting pathetic.” You feigned irritation despite taking the box out of Jaebeom’s outstretched hand.

“Bruh, I am not. The guy’s next door never answered. So you--” He shook back his overgrown fringe and shifted all his weight back, angling his pelvis towards you. His eyes traipsed up and down your frame, saliva clearly pooling under his tongue. “-- get a free pizza delivered by this handsome mug.”

You didn’t even try to bury the scoff that escaped you as Jaebeom dug two thumbs into his chest; a pungent smugness wafting from his stained Pal’s Pizza t-shirt. You practically laughed in his face. Yet he didn’t waver.

“You’re still the same overconfident creep from highschool, Jae.” Jaebeom faked offense, a hand slapped on his heart - leaving a faint damp hand print.

“And I still managed to nab all the ladies.” Sliding his tongue over his top teeth, he winked and you almost gagged. The fact that Crusty Jae, the school’s resident stoner, managed to have the highest body count by graduation is something that still baffled you. Something must have been seriously wrong with the girls who let that inside them. There were rumours of course, but you weren’t willing to explore any of them to prove if fact or not.

Lifting the lid, you inhaled a glorious whiff of mozzarella and pepperoni but caught Jaebeom scratching his head from the corner of your eye; little flecks of dead skin floated to the ground and you couldn’t help but focus on the flakes of what looked like parmesan on the top of your pizza. Horror ensued, visible in the quiver in your voice.

“You.. you don’t make the pizzas do you?”

Jaebeom smirked, and ran a clammy hand through his greasy hair.

“Nuh babe, I just deliver them.” He punctuated his statement with a wink and pucker of his lips. You were not comforted and turned away before he could see the grimace on your face. You dropped the pizza box onto your couch and fished a twenty-dollar-bill from your wallet and returned to the door to slap it into Jaebeom’s hand.

“Nuh baby, it’s free.” He insisted with a stupid slanted grin. You shook your head, pushing the money harder into his hand and away from your door.

“Keep the change.”

“Damn, thanks for the tip.” He smiled softly. Maybe he isn’t so much of a creep anymore.

“Want a taste of mine?”

You couldn’t have slammed the door in his face any harder.

Day 129

European. What about Lebanese? Kirby? No, too short. Continental? Way too long. But then again Kirby cucumbers have girth, and it’s not all about length. It’s how you use it. Would you go raw? Or would you wrap it? How sturdy are Kirby cucumbers? You’d obviously have to wash it first. Oh shit, could they poison you if it smooshes up while inside you? No, well you eat them so they can’t be too dangerous. How much lubrication would you need?

“Little to none if you’re warmed up enough.”

Cutting off your mental ramblings and ripping you back into reality, your head snapped towards the voice. Jaebeom’s voice. Of course it had to be Jaebeom. Why is he suddenly everywhere?

“Excuse me, what?!”

“Lubrication. You wouldn’t need any if you’re warmed up. Cucumbers just slide right in.” He said with total confidence as if speaking from absolute experience. If anything, the pompous smile was enough to tell you what he was saying was true. You tried to swallow and gasp at the same time, causing you to start choking in the grocery store.

“Wh-wait-what, I was saying all of that out loud?!” You prayed it didn’t say all of it out loud.

Are you really that delirious from lack of sex that your pathetically curious and completely comedic wonderings about cucumbers as dildos was said out loud in the grocery store?! Have you become that incapable of controlling yourself that you can’t even keep being a horny bitch on the inside?! Must you zone out in full stereo?!

Jaebeom giggled.

“Maybe. I heard from about ‘What about Lebanese?’.”

You froze, the hand gripping your shopping basket growing dangerously limp.

“So pretty much all of it.” Jaebeom laughed again and reached across you to pick up the thickest Kirby cucumber from the pile and dropped it into your basket.

“Think of me.”

“What!?”

His smirk thawed you completely, leaving you standing in a lukewarm puddle of distaste. “Later babe.”

Seriously, you needed to find every girl who fucked him in highschool and just ask them “WHY?!”

Day 147

📧 to: [email protected] hey cass he ran out of battery I have no spares I live in a wasteland of despair miss you love you bye

Day 165

ring-ring-ring

“Pal’s Pizza, can I take your order?”

“Hey Jae, it’s me. The usual please.”

“Stuffed Crust?”

“No thanks.”

“No probs. How about I stuff you?”

“Bye.”

“See you in twenty minutes!”

Day 167

📧 to: [email protected] hey cass I think I’m living in a permanent fever dream today in my tech drawing class my professor told me if I lick the tip I’ll get better results so I asked him, if i let him lick my tip would I get extra credit? HE MEANT MY PENCIL CASSANDRA, HE MEANT TO LICK THE TIP OF MY PENCIL SO I GET THICKER LINES what the fuck is wrong with me?! oh I know. it has been 167 days since I’ve had sex ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY SEVEN DAYS and Mr Pene Falso still does not have new batteries. miss you love you bye

Day 175

You had never felt more accomplished in your life. In one hand rested your brand new phone, shiny and in-built with all the things to keep your easily distracted brain entertained. No longer did you have to make calls from the decrepit pay phone outside your apartment building. No longer did you have to sit on buses and pretend to like reading. No, you were reunited with the technology of your generation and you were ecstatic. Full time college and part time employment didn’t always meet the needs of your demanding lifestyle, but you saved enough to finally get a brand new phone.

And in the other hand lay two beautiful AA batteries. You know perfectly well what they were for. You were equally as ecstatic. But for some reason there was one person you wanted to talk to about it.

Your fingers dialed the number almost on their own; muscle memory taking over. It rang six times.

“Hello?”

“CASS!” So excited to hear your best friend’s voice you tripped on the corner of your rug; your body colliding with the couch.

“Holy shit, you finally got a phone. Took you long enough.”

“Shut up, I’ve been busy.” Rubbing the part of your shoulder that managed to miss abundant cushioning on the couch and hit the tiny piece of wooden framework beneath it all.

“Sure. Busy trying to get yourself off every chance you get.”

The fingers trying to unscrew the bottom of your vibrator halted; your bottom lip folded between your teeth - a pout formed in your silence.

“I--” Lost for words you resumed unscrewing the cap, placing one battery into each slot.

“You’re probably gonna go masturbate after you get off this call.”

The last battery dropped in with a clang, albeit muffled by Cass’s muffled laughter.

“You know I’m messing with you right?”

“..Yes.”

“Good. So how’s Crusty Jae?” She continued to laugh as you groaned.

“Dude, can you please explain how he managed to pull so much in high school?! Please! Am I the only one who doesn’t get it?!” Suddenly incredibly frustrated, you screwed on the vibrator cap with so much gusto that your grip accidentally turned it on; the abrupt buzzing ripping out a quiet yelp.

“You know his nickname used to be Double Pepperoni.” You scoffed so hard, you felt it in your ribs. “Nuh apparently he was packing.”

“What? Like what, like he always had slices stuffed in his pockets?”

“No, like p-a-c-k-i-n-g.”

“I highly doubt that flat-ass McGee is huge.” You smirked while Cass tried to stop herself from choking on laughter. “And even if he was, dude, I still don’t understand how that seemingly unhygienic mess can score so much.”

“Bro, I don’t know either. But from all the girls I’ve ever talked to about him, they all say that whatever he did to seduce them or whatever - their reactions were purely carnal.” You made a pathetic noise, like a dying car horn to highlight your skepticism. “Like apparently, he would do something or they would see him do something and they’d just snap. Fuck him once, have a great time but then refuse to ever bring it up again. Except to me.. Cause after all, it was Crusty Jae.. But that’s beside the point.”

“They’d just ‘snap’?”

“Yup. Like a fresh green bean.”

“Weird metaphor.”

“But you got it.”

“Sadly. I’m going to go now.”

“Happy Orgasm!”

“Fuck you.”

“Miss you.”

“Love you.”

“Bye!”

From putting down one electronic device to picking up the other, you settled into the couch cushions with Mr Pene Falso in hand - recharged and ready to go. Yes, you were obviously going to prove your best friend painfully correct by getting off as soon as you hung up that call, but honestly - fuck it. You deserved it.

Remember, preparation is key. Sweatpants pushed down your ankles, one leg completely bare. Hair pulled up into an overeager and messy as ever bun. Sideways lean. Mr Pene Falso, setting one.

It’s not meant to be pretty, the faces you pull while masturbating. And the sounds one makes, equally as carnal. But who the fuck cares. You’re doing this for you. And as those pre-orgasm hip rolls get more and more intense as your clit is vibrated right down to Destination Stimulation, you moan in pleasure for you know you are finally getting what you’ve wanted for so lon--

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

“Hey it’s me!” Your head snapped so fast to the door it cracked every bone in your neck.

“Jae!?”

“Yeh, can I come in please?”

“Oh come on, what the fuck!?” Fury swallowed you whole, Mr Pene Falso slamming into the ground in a fit of rage. “What do you fucking want, Jaebeom?!”

“Please, I need--” Jerking your pants back on, you charged at the door; ripping it open.

“Need what?!”

“-- to use your bathroom.” Sheepish eyes met your own; blown wide and shaking. Jaebeom stood before you, pizza delivery bag hung loosely in his hand; completely soaked from head to toe.

“Sorry, it’s fucking pouring outside and I delivered next door and I just want to dry off a little, that cool?”

His usually loose shirt clung to his body, every inch of his torso outlined. His hair, normally shaggy and overgrown, was completely pushed back off his face; slick and saturated to show every carved line of his face. Was his eyes always this piercing? Or was it only because it was in context with the rest of his beautiful face?

“So..?” Jaebeom reeled you back from your slow descent and you shook it off violently.

“Uhh yeh, that-that way.” Throwing a thumb over your shoulder to show him the way, Jaebeom slinked past you; a marginal waft of damp weed followed behind.

What has gotten into you? This is Crusty Jae we’re talking about here. You are not meant to find him attractive. Nothing about him is meant to be attractive. But there you were - standing in your hallway, dumbfounded as you watched Jaebeom take off his shirt and wring it into your sink. You tried to tear your eyes away from how broad his shoulders were, or how all the muscles around his waist tensed as he squeezed all the water out of his shirt. You couldn’t even fight off the shiver that crawled down your spine when you watched his triceps flex when he pushed his hair off his face. You swallowed hard when that shiver landed right between your legs.

“Like apparently, he would do something or they would see him do something and they’d just snap.”

He didn’t see you come up behind him but he felt the hand you placed in the middle of his back. Turning to face you, his eyes were as dark as yours were crazed.

“Sup.” His cheeto breath didn’t deter you.

“You’re a pal, right?” You swore you couldn’t sound any more desperate.

“Says so on my shirt.” You couldn’t quite figure out if it was Chipotle or Flamin’ Hot cheetos. But it wasn’t the time or the place. You had needs.

“Be a pal then.” Jaebeom quirked a lewd and curious brow. “Get me off.”

The speed of which he had his hands under your arms and lifting you onto the benchtop was frighteningly fast. Your shirt was pulled hastily over your head and thrown aside, your pants were torn down your legs equally as fast. You had no time to question, no time to doubt - not when Jaebeom’s mouth was on yours, his tongue rolling over your teeth as if searching for hidden cheetos in your cheeks. But with the way his thumb circled over your clit through your underwear, you weren’t going to complain. Go on, fish for those cheetos baby.

Through wet and messy kisses, your hands tracked down his chest; stopping at his belt buckle. Of course, you thought, it was one of those snap closure canvas belts - ridiculously too long and matched his ridiculously baggy jeans. Nevertheless, you snapped open the buckle, fished it out of the loops and his pants fell instantly to the ground.

Jaebeom broke away from your mouth, leaning back to make room for his hands to pull off your underwear; just to have his lips crash back into yours the moment the lace garment hit the floor.

“Conmg-do. Cone--. Con-” You mumbled against his mouth. Strong hands pushed against his chest; disappointed eyes flashed for a moment, before turning devious at the sight of your naked breasts.

“Condom.” He nodded and you swung around to grab one from the medicine cabinet. Rounding back to face him, you saw his underwear was on the ground, his very erect penis greeting you fully. Double Pepperoni…

He ripped the wrapper open with his teeth, slid the condom expertly onto his length and caged you against the mirror in one fluid movement. He waited, paused for effect if you will and you weren’t having any of it. One hand scratched into his hair, the other pulled on the chain around his neck.

“Oh, you want me to stuff you do you?” Said with total hubris.

“Like cheesy crust.” Who have you become?!

Jabeom’s heavy hands found themselves on your hips, pulling you down onto his dick. He filled you wholly, deliciously; throbbing against your walls so achingly good that you didn’t even care that you could feel crumbs of garlic bread that did not belong to you in your mouth.

He pounded you roughly; each thrust making you bounce on your porcelain sink. His hair, still wet, dripped onto your shoulder and down your back as his teeth marked your neck. Your bathroom began to fill with lewd and erotic noises, squelches and squeaks of wet flesh against wet flesh and some against hard surfaces.

Jaebeom snapped his hips harder and harder into you, moans tumbled from your mouth as the orgasm you have craved for finally rounded the horizon. He was merciless, relentless, completely determined to drive you home.

You yanked harder on the fist full of hair in your hand, ripping a loud and gravely groan from Jaebeom. Not one to be upstaged, Jaebeom shoved his hand into your hair, tangling his fingers into your bun and pulling down to expose more of your neck to him. His pace had not slowed down at all.

He marked your neck, sucking and biting on your flesh so gloriously that you began to mewl - high pitched and needy, and it’s what sent Jaebeom over the edge. His hips snapped harder, forcing his dick deep into you; hitting spots you had forgotten about completely.

Different colours were flashing behind your eyelids and you were close, so close.

And as Jaebeom neared climax, he tore his hand out of your hair. Though in his earlier fervour, got so much of it tangled around his fingers and stuck under his ring, that your whole body was torn sideways and off the bench.

Landing on the floor, shocked eyes watched Jaebeom ejaculate all over your sink as your own orgasm retreated away; shrivelling up into dust and blown away in the wind - his hand still stuck in your hair. How the fuck, wasn’t he wearing a condom, you thought, only for you to reach down and find it stuck inside your vagina, half hanging out. There was literally nowhere lower you could go. This, this is rock bottom.

“Haha, holy fuck. Sorry babe.” Jaebeom leaned down and carefully untangled his fingers out of your hair. Towels were passed around for hygiene purposes and you almost vomited when you saw cheeto crumbs wedged between Jaebeom’s butt-cheeks.

You weren’t really sure what happened after. You think Jaebeom said something crass. Or maybe he said thank you. In a crass way. Either way, he eventually left and the two hour shower you took still didn’t make you feel clean. Especially not after finding a half-dried pearl of cum on your toothbrush.

But there was one thing you knew for sure. You totally snapped.

Day 0

📧 to: [email protected] hey cass in the interest of our friendship and for the purposes of full transparency it has been 1 day since ive had sex and we will never speak of it again

#got7 #got7creators #ksmutclub #got7 smut #lim jaebeom #jaebeom #jaebum #jaebeom imagine #jaebeom story #jaebeom smut #got7 story #got7 imagine #got7 fanfiction #rating: mature #🌙#double peperoni #the pleasure chest

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timegears-moved · 4 years

Note

☕️ mmmm pokemon games specifically (not including spinoffs)

sorry this is late im terrible with actually answering asks. ill do this generation by generation. also this ended up very long because i have a lot of thoughts about pkmn.

gen one: okay so right off the bat im gonna say that i have a massive soft spot for gen one, considering blue was the first game i ever played. i do have a degree of nostalgia towards it which is why i can never be truly be harsh on these games. i know they're a mess of glitches and mechanics that make no fucking sense (seriously FUCK psychic types and everything they stand for) but it has a certain charm to it.

but even as a "kanto apologist" (which damien calls me) i can absolutely agree that the pandering is fucking abysmal. they're trying cater to a demographic who hasn't cared about pokemon in years and aren't going to pick up a new game just because charizard is in it. by doing this it feels like they're alienating the people who actually care, like "yeah ur support is nice but we want the genwunners to like us more than anything.

also on the topic of pandering is that their pandering is so half-assed too. all of this gen one content and not one shred of love for my boys victreebel or cloyster? bro i hate it here.

gen two: i dont really have that much to say here tbh. i have no fond memories of it at all considering i only played through gold once right before hgss came out. i can say that i appreciate all of the bullshit from gen one that it fixed but i have issues with johto as a region that ill elaborate on when i talk about the remakes.

gen three: honestly i never cared much for this gen. i played it quite a bit growing up but it's always been whatever for me. a lot of it just feels kind of.....bland for me. i really don't know what to say because it leaves me feeling conflicted. there's nothing bad about these games that sticks out like a sore thumb but they just don't do it for me, ya know?

i do appreciate frlg for shedding a much better light on kanto though.

gen four: okay so i'll fully admit that the sinnoh games are my childhood faves and are still my faves now but im not letting nostalgia completely cloud my judgement on this.

honestly? i think pokemon peaked with platinum. dp had their problems for sure and some of those still carried over to platinum but the scale in which platinum told its story feels so much grander than any pokemon game that came before or after it. i absolute adore the sinnoh mythos and i only want dp remakes just so it can get expanded upon, i could care less about any actually gameplay from it. ive said this before but you cannot make the god of pokemon and not do anything with it.

as for hgss, i have very mixed feelings about this one but not in the same way gen 3 made me feel because i do have genuine problems here. ive talked before about them but i just cannot stress how bad the level and pokemon distributions are. how the fuck can you make brand new pokemon for your johto region and not put them in fucking johto?

like these games are fine ig. i never cared about the walking pokemon mechanic but it literally feels like people only praise this game as the best because of that one thing that has no bearing on the actual game itself. you can like these games all you want, i still enjoy parts of them myself, but calling them the best is a huge reach.

gen five: right off the bat im gonna say that i do love the gen five games so nobody thinks im being overly critical or anything. i love the aesthetic of these games, i ADORE the pokemon here and they're some of the most fun pokemon games to play through. it's the story and characters (with the exception of n i will absolutely give credit where it is die there) that throw me for a loop.

i feel like whenever i praise the story or characters im just following the crowd here. i don't know if im just very stupid (i definitely am very stupid) or what but none of it felt as powerful as people claim it is for me personally. maybe i should just pay more attention but i honestly don't know. im definitely not saying theyre bad or anything i just in all hobestly dont get the (very sudden) hype.

uhhh i can't say much about bw2 because i haven't beaten it since it came out but i remember liking hugh and it made iris a champion so i remember them being good on those two things alone.

gen six: hohohohoho here we go. tbh i don't even know what i can say about xy that hasn't already been said. like gen one might be a huge mess looking back on it but at least it had character. xy introduced a few pokemon that i really liked and some amazing shiny hunting methods that should definitely return but that's the most i can say in terms of praise.

i dont think pokemon has ever gotten this boring before, and that's speaking as someone who clocked over 300 hours into my x save file. nothing has life (which in hindsight is ironic considering xerneas is the god of life) and i hate the way mega evolution was handled so much. i really don't know what else to say because everyone has already said what i want to but i think this has been pokemon's lowest point so far.

oras once again made hoenn complicated for me. they made hoenn somewhat interesting for me in a way that didnt capture me in the originals. i don't think they're stellar but ive seen people call these the worst ones and....why. i get that the originals are special to a lot of people and that they feel like oras did them injustice but honestly i would oras over the originals because they're just more fun for me.

gen seven: it made popplio. 10/10.

okay so i can understand why the very slow start and unskippable long cutscenes threw a lot of people off but i just don't understand so much of the hate it around other things. again i see people proclaiming it as the worst and you can see it as that from a gameplay element, but the story fucking slapped ass and i don't think amybody can or should deny that. maybe i just feel very passionately about them because they're very personal for me in helping me through a rough time in my life but i just also dont see why everybody is so mad at these games sometimes.

the fact that sm mean so much to me makes usum's entire existence hurt so much more. like wow i love abuse apologism: the game thank you sooooo much gamefreak! /s

aside from ultra wormhole jumping, my baby dusk lycanroc and the new ultra beasts i dont care for anything new usum brought. it feels like it back peddled so much by completely ruining lillie's character by attempting to make lusamine likable when the damage from the first games was already done. i hate usum they're the only pokemon games i can state that i hate. i don't know how you can take sm's well-done albeit flawed blueprints, take out everything that was good and only leave stuff that either doesn't matter or is actively harmful.

also let's go pikachu and eevee exist too idrc

gen eight: ive already spoken my piece on swsh but im gonna be more clear here. i dont think swsh is inherently bad and i can still have fun with them. i dont think the issue here lies with the cut pokedex. i could honestly care less about that and i always figured we would get to this point. the issue lies with nintendo and tpci pushing for yearly releases, forcing the devs to make yearly subpar games. i can think of so many ways they can remedy this situation: taking longer times between releases, hiring more staff at gamefreak or even splitting developments for different projects between multiple different studios. i hope that the reported low moral at gamefreak at swsh's releases is enough of a wake up call for change but that could just be me being optimistic.

i am SO sorry this ended up as long as it is but i have a lot of opinions and not enpugh willpower to keep my mouth shut

#asks #ty for the ask!#jasper tag #long post #also im on mobile so i cant put a read more 😔

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deesdinner · 3 years

Text

Lunch Special - Egg Salad and Fruit

April 1st, 2021. 12:30pm.

Get ready for some hot takes and sad lunches because boy do I have news. Generally recently I’ve been getting these convenient salad bowl things or just heating up leftovers for lunches, as usually I eat lunch either between classes (15 mins) or right before class v soon after I wake up, but today I decided to do a recipe I’ve done before which is make a greek yogurt egg salad because I don’t like mayo or lunch meats but egg yummy and protein. However I fucking botched it and now I have to eat it for another two days. Also in trying to be a responsible adult who dislikes a lt of common cold cut associated vegetables, I decided to eat this egg salad with a side of fruit: apple, but due to circumstances outside of my control the fruit also ended up subpar but once again I must eat it. Or maybe foist it on janelle of luna.

Greek yogurt egg salad - lemon juice, dill, dijon, served in a tortilla wrap.

Tastiness: 2/5

Convenience: 2/5

Cook Time: 3/5

Servings Made: 3

Tastiness

So I’m a clown and the recipe I based this off of called for 1/4 c of greek yogurt, which in my head I go oh that’s 4 oz. I’m 1.5ing this recipe and the smallest cupe of yogurt I could buy is 5 oz, this is fine. it was not fine it was extremely goopy. Also i added way too much lemon juice.

Convenience

One of my greatest flaws is my inability to peel eggs. These eggs hated me. Shell shards got everywhere and the stupid ice bath didn’t work. Also i lowered the eggs lovingly into the boiling water with one of those little sieve ladle things and one still broke in the water. Also because I ended up boiling them for a little too short and I didn’t want to dirty a board and the fork method was annoying I ended up just breaking the eggs up with a glove but a fuckton of egg stuck to the glove so ig I need to lube the glove next time.

Also cutting dill is annoying af so I did it with scissors but the pieces are still too big and unpleasant to eat. Objectively this should be convenient because you just boil, peel, smash, mix, but here we are.

And because im not a freak before I can eat this and mix stuff in I need the eggs to cool off meaning I have to let them sit in the freezer for lik 5-10 mins.

Cook Time

The longest part is boiling the water and waiting for the eggs to cool. it took ~ 30 mins total to boil water, ~7 mins of egg time (which wasnt quite enough), peel time, then a while of freezer time, then like 2 mins to mix shit in to taste. Not that bad honestly but the peel time is annoying

“Recipe”

- Ripped off this lady but fucked it up - https://www.bowlofdelicious.com/greek-yogurt-egg-salad-with-dill/

6 eggs

1 little cup (like youd have for breakfast) of plain greek yogurt

Add-ins: dill, lemon juice, dijon mustard

Steps:

boil egg for like 7 mins

place in ice bath

peel egg

put egg in freezer bcuz ur cooking this between/during class and ur hungry

mix with yogurt and dill and lemon juice and dijon to taste. dont overlmeon it like i did

Notes

Way too goopy. Too lemony. Undercooked the eggs. Sad day for Dee lunch. I put it in a tortilla to eat and it just squooshed out the sides. wraps are not a vehicle for egg salad turns out.

FRUIT DILEMMA

I wanted honeyrisp apple. no hoenyrisp unless in a giant bag. i buy some sugarcrisp weird thing janelle said was good. i bite it. it sucks. i go towards the little oranges i bought. they are not as good as cuties. this lunch was so so sad

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #lunchspecial #lunch

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lyzande · 3 years

Text

ebarg thoughts - my swan song

just some shitty thoughts that I need to vent

I honestly don’t know how to start this, or what even to write. Where should I begin? How should I spin this tale? What will the ending be?

I’ve been struggling with formulating coherent thoughts over the last few weeks and months, and honestly, I can’t be fucked to start pulling myself together. Putting aside my academic obligations, thinking itself - in a logical, calm, and sensible manner - has become a huge burden. Even with the academic strain, I have struggled to perform and study up to the standards that I should be performing at.

This year has been ridiculously tough on all of us. At the beginning of 2020, no one could have ever predicted the shitty predicament that we would be in, from the very first month of the year.

I have to say, it’s fucking shitty that I’m in this state of mind once again. I’ve worked so hard to pull myself together back in 2018, and honestly, I managed pretty well in holding myself together all throughout the year of 2019.

I suppose I should reflect on my mental state from the beginning. Honestly, I’ve been struggling with this bullshit internally for nearly seven years, by my most gracious estimate. Although, I hesitate in claiming anything since I have not been diagnosed or even talked to any mental health professional. But, you know, at the risk of misdiagnosis, I have done research, bounced ideas off of different sound boards, ie. the people who I value in my life, and their opinions thereabout.

Having established my fragile state of mind, things could only get worse by the end of 2017. In my third year of college, I was elected to be an officer of our mother org, which I had no experience in at all. It’s not a surprise that there were a lot of struggles that faced me, a lazy procrastinator with whimsical ideas about life who was suddenly handed the responsibilities of a secretary. I did my best, or so I’d like to think, but it wasn’t enough to meet the standards which I should have worked at. I failed. I’m not going to sugarcoat shit. I failed horribly. I tried to learn as best I can from my failures, and I’d like to think that I may have improved from that.

At the same time, by the end of the semester, I had failed one of my subjects due to my own irresponsibility. I really don’t want to get into it but I accepted everything that happened. It was one of the only times that I broke down in school. I remember, 2017 was the year that two of my dearest friends saved me. To this day, I still love them unconditionally because at my worst, they were there, and at my best, they were the reason.

Anyway, fast forward to mid-2018, the end of our third year in college. By that time, I had lost my love for our org and had started spending more time with another. Although I did not neglect my duties, I had only given the bare minimum. I struggled with a few but our efforts were not enough to salvage the dumpster fire that was our responsibility. Again, I learned and I promised to never make the same mistakes again.

Enter our fourth year of college. It was the year where we had to finish our thesis, finish our internship and pass our other academic requirements in order to graduate. On top of that, I was appointed as the managing editor of our college paper. I was elected into the minor position of PIO within out college subcouncil. I was elected to be the President of our University’s student volunteerism organization. I don’t know if I’ve stressed this enough but I was not a responsible student. I resented my course. I chose neither Accountancy nor Accounting Management, and out of spite, I neglected my academics.

I struggled with juggling my other responsibilities on top of trying to have a social life. So it was a month into our fourth year that I tried to kill myself. I have already been actively selfharming for a few months by then, and it all peaked when I has one shitty night, and I drank a betsin cocktail of my own making. But I was stupid and I didnt have nearly enough to even give me a stomach ache. I probably should have gone for an overdose or something.

But to my shame, I didn’t die. I dont think anyone even knew what I attempted. I was lucky. A few weeks later, we had a team building activity, which I attended with some of my closest friends. They saved my shitty self again that day. For the first fucking time, i saw what I’ve been blind to for such a long time. I had people that actually fucking cared about me. I could not lose them. I’ve pulled my shit together. A friend made me promise to stop selfharming, and honestly, I was pretty good at keeping that promise.

Fast forward to mid-2019, I guess. My family had already decided I was going to be enrolled into law school. I’ve been struggling with the idea, I was willing but I wasn’t quite sure. Nevertheless, I pursued it. It was an amazing first sem, honestly. I met a lot of great people. I made a new family. We all went through the same struggles and joys. It was a whole new unique experience. By this point, I was in a pretty good mental state. I was stable. I made a promise to myself that I’d actually be making an effort, academically-speaking.

Of course, it wasn’t easy. On top of the already harsh standards demanded by law school, there were external stressors. Everyone has struggles in law school. Everyone had their own problems. These were mine: family expectations, distorted self-worth and self-view, struggling social life, and I was missing my first family - my closest friends.

Fast forward again to 2020, and holy shit. What a fucking year. It isn’t even over yet. Taal volcano exploded. Tried to help around in the ways I can. Still studying diligently. Then covid happened. Quarantine and lockdown enforced. That was a whole other struggle. Everyone had to adjust to learning on their own and thru online means. Still, it wasn’t too bad. We missed each other’s company but we managed somehow.

Having been in a stable headspace for the past n months, I decided to get back into the dating and social scene. Being the haliparot that I am, I made landi like it was going out of fashion. It was fun. Met a few people, got watered, figuratively speakin, y’all know what I’m saying? But then fucking shitty people making shitty decisions. Engineers are ghosters, y’all can’t change my mind. Engineer, if you ever read this for some reason, fuck you. (but if you want, I’m still head over heels for you, you shitty fucking fuck)

ANYWAY. Around July or August, my mom got sick. She struggled with her health. Those few weeks that she was out of commission was tough. She’s the only person working in our household, so we all depended on her income. I wanted to drop out and work, because I needed to help my parents. But I kept studying because sayang naman daw if I wasted my time. Im a full time student, being supported by my family. They wanted me to focus on studying. So I did.

Then about a month or so ago, my dad got sick. He can’t get up without getting dizzy. At first it was just blood pressure issues, which became blood sugar issued but now, apparently, it’s some fucking brain issues. My cousins have been covering the medical expenses and honestly, we’re struggling so fucking hard to live right now. I really want to drop out of school and work, just so we can have stable income but with this shitty situation we’re in? holy shit

the past few weeks have been a struggle. academic burn out. social burn out. i’ve been contemplating selfharm again. i want to die. my body is giving up on me. everything is hurting. i cant talk to any of my friends because im scare. i know i can rely on them but im so fucking scared. im becoming naother huge disappointment. im falling into a pit of my own making. i dont know what to do. i cant focus on my studies. im performing subpar. i need to support my family. my social life is dead. my heart is broken. im doing my best but my best right now? it’s worth shit.

im trying to pull myself together but i dont know where im at right now

im trying to reach out but i know how much people are also struggling and i dont wanna take away their time and effort

trying to look for work but im abrely qualified

constant headaches and body aches

my heart is still crying for him

my soul is condemned to eternal suffering

our society is falling apart

our economy is fucked

history is repeating itself

politics is bonkers

people are dying

i dont know what the shit is oging on

i want to die

i want to live

i want to survive

i miss my friends

i miss my fmaily

im tired

im so fucking tired

i dont know what to do

i just want to die

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