#but i’ve just been riding it out we hit 25k so

[blueicequeen19]

In The Dark

So this was a dream I had and I want to have it saved somewhere so I can read it later 🤣

Warnings: angst, bullying, hate-fucking, public sex

I look back at JJ, his eyes hooded by his hair but I knew he was looking at me too. Pope and John B sat on either sides of him, fixing me with their own scowls.

“Stop looking at him.” Kiarra snaps from next to me, pushing my stuff off our shared work space. My books hit the floor with a thud, earning myself a few more shitty looks from other students but I glare right back at her. I wasn’t afraid of Kiarra Carerra. She acted like a bad bitch but that’s all it was. An act. I had to give it to JJ though, his pack of losers stuck to him no matter where he went.

I couldn’t help it though. My eyes went back to his. Those ocean blue eyes that I’d got lost in so many times. I wanted him. But I hated him. Our families hated each other so naturally we did too. JJ had been more open with his attraction than I had. It was hard to want someone when everything in your mind told you to hate them.

“What’s your problem, huh?” JJ’s voice sends chills down my spine. He was even hotter when he was angry. I wanted to crawl under that table and swallow him until his balls touched my chin. I wanted him to do awful things to my body.

“You’re my problem.” I bite back. First his dad stole from mine, then JJ stole 25k from my brother. 25k that we’d now have to earn back or end up at the bottom of the ocean. JJ leans forward, licking his lips as my eyes track that movements. What I’d give to feel that tongue just one time.

“What? Your brother signs my death warrant and suddenly you’re curious what I taste like?” JJ growls, slamming his hands down on the table with his teeth bared - earning concerned looks from his friends.

“Yea, actually.” I snap, leaning back in my chair so I was as close as I could get. I could smell the mint on his breath and the weed on his clothes. He’d have a hard time buying once he was labeled a thief.

“I thought I’d have more time to turn you down.” I smirk and JJ jumps to his feet, stomping from the room. My chair is suddenly kicked out from under me while balancing on two legs and I hit the cold tile, hard. The room erupts into laughter and just when I’m ready to lunge for Kiarra, our teacher appears with an in school suspension. Lucky me.

I wander down the halls, in no hurry to get to the office. They’re lucky I’m even still here. If I had a ride back to the Cut, I’d have left already. Fuck this school and all these people in it.

I round the corner into the new addition that’s still marked off with plastic and caution tape when I’m suddenly shoved so hard from the back that it knocks the wind out of me. I stumble into a maintenance closet, engulfed in darkness as I spin around ready to swing. My first thought is Kiarra since I can’t see anything in the dark, but when two hands fist my shirt and mint hits my lips, I know who it is. Even in the darkness, I know it’s him.

“Bitch.” JJ seethes, pressing his lips to mine and pinning me against the wall. I throw my arms around his neck, letting his tongue force it’s way into my mouth as I let everything else go just for a minute. At least in the darkness we could pretend.

“Dickhead.” I snarl back, taking his bottom lip between my teeth. My hands find his belt and I’m unbuttoning his shorts before I can stop myself. My brother would kill me if he found out. Literally put a bullet between my eyes. But I can’t stop. He tastes too good. He feels too good.

“Fuck me.” I demand, slipping my hand down into his boxers and grasping what I’ve been craving for years. His just as big as I’d hoped and soaked in precum.

“Why should I? You only want me on your terms. You’ll go back to hating me once I do.” JJ growls between kisses, his hands groping me through my shirt. I slide my hand up the back of his shirt, clinging to his warmth. I wanted to feel his skin on mine. I wanted to feel him sweat for me.

“I’ll never stop hating you. It’s in my blood. But for a moment, we can be two people enjoying the darkness. You can’t control what happens in the dark.” I squeeze his balls and he hisses in my mouth, shoving my back against the wall. He kneels long enough to yank my leggings down my thighs and spins me around, forcing my chest against the wall. I hear the tear of a condom wrapped then he’s pressing to my back, his mouth finding my ear as he lines himself up with my entrance.

“I hope you like who you are in the dark. Because I already like her better.” He slams into me, a hand clamping down over my mouth as he starts to fuck me ruthlessly. The closet quickly fills with the sounds of our heavy breathing and our skin slapping. He was so thick it hurt. I felt an ache deep inside me but it was worth it. My body was on fire, my orgasm racing forward from deep in my gut.

He keeps a firm grip on a hip, my leggings binding my legs closed as he fucks me in place. I wanted to touch him but I couldn’t like this. I was just along for the ride while he used me like this. I hated that he put a condom on. I wanted to feel all of him. I wanted to smother myself in him.

His hand moves to my clit, rubbing rough circles that send my eyes rolling into the back of my head. I cry out into his hand as I cum, feeling him let go a moment later with a choked sound. I felt the effects of my orgasm wash over my entire body down to my toes, leaving me feel like mush as he withdrew from me. I really needed a nap now.

I turn as I pull my leggings up, seeing him drop the condom in a mop bucket without a second glance. Someone was going to be pissed. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I could make out his still angry expression and those hate filled eyes.

“That was—.” He cuts me off.

“Don’t act like you care now. That was a fuck, nothing more. I can get plenty more of those elsewhere.” He snaps, fixing his shorts.

I push him into the closed door, his breath catching as I press my chest to his. He really was stupidly handsome. I reach up on my toes and kiss his slack lips. I didn’t expect him to kiss me back and he didn’t expect me to bite down hard enough to draw blood.

“Well you let me know when you want to roll around in the dark again. I’d like another good fuck before my brother kills you.”

Tag list: @lovedetlost @hoebx @strokesofstokes @alizabethcs @carnisidi @famousdestinygarden @i-always-come-back-xoxo @pankowforlife @my-baexht-ls @onmykneesforrafe @slutforsmutsstuff @bethoconnor @hellosexxxysalvatore @mrsjakeseresin @belcalis9503 @maybanks-luver @i-always-come-back-xoxo @adventuresinobx @hopebaker @drewbooooo @itsmytimetoodream @houseofperfecttaste @harlowsgirl @wh0reforstefansalvatore @urmommas Let me know if I missed anyone! 💕

#smutwarning #jj maybank smut #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #outer banks smut #obx2 #jj maybank fluff #jj obx #jj maybank x you #rudy pankow #dark!fic #dark!jj maybank #angst #blurb #blueicequeen19

[lululawrence]

hello!! i was wondering if u had a werewolf tag for fics? i would search it but not sure how to use tumblr that well :)) if not do u have recs? LOVE U HAVE A NICE DAY<333

hi babes! i don't have one here... damn that's a fucking great idea. hahaha i'm HORRIBLY unorganized when it comes to tags for fics on tumblr. i mostly use ao3 for the organization of fics. so! that said, i defo DO have recs for you!

you didn't specify pairing, which makes me smile because i get to rec rare pairs in addition to larry and hope you read them hehe okay, here we go!

He Carries The Key by me (8k, NR, niall/louis) - this fic is the only one of mine i'll include, okay? promise haha but it is also one i wrote for wordplay just a week or two ago and it's werewolves and a pack fic and i just had a lot of fun. very soft. much fluff. many feels. i hope you enjoy. lol

There's Fur Everywhere by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (4k, G, Harry/Louis) - this is a 5 times fic, and it's HYSTERICAL. it feels slightly spoilery for me to even be including it on this list, but also... it's still fucking hilarious. emmu is queen of the crack fic that makes you feel all the soft and wonderful things, and she doesn't disappoint with this one.

I Hear Them Calling for You by @jaerie / jaerie (6k, E, Harry/Louis) - this fic is... not for everyone. like at all. please please please read the tags and the summary and if you don't like it or it makes you uncomfortable, then close right out of it. as for ME i loved what she explored with it, all the emotions and the story and worldbuilding of it all. i thought it was fantastic and incredibly interesting. it is A/B/O, pack fic with claiming and... yeah. it's amazing.

Campus Creatures by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything and @louandhazaf / YesIsAWorld (25k, E, Harry/Louis) - werewolves! vampires! fae! university! frat houses! science research positions being vied for! enemies to lovers! like... not sure what more you could ASK for, but there's also a fuck ton of humor and nudity and sexual tension and... it's just a lot of fun. can't go wrong, really. haha

From What I've Tasted of Desire by @evilovesyou / 4ureyesonly28 (72k, T, Harry/Louis) - okay so i'm including this one even though like... harry and louis aren't werewolves. but it's a twilight au, so there ARE werewolves and i'm ASSUMING you know twilight and therefore know that means you know they're pretty involved and... that's true for this fic too. ahha for real, though, i love evi's writing and this fic was one of my first introductions to it and it was a fun read, so i wanted to include it in case it had enough of the werewolf flair to entice you haha

Compete Against the Stars by @daggerandrose / amomentoflove (31k, M, Harry/Louis) - omg okay so this one is like ANGSTY AF and i FUCKING LOVE IT because it's one of those fics that you HOPE you have figured out, and you probably do, but also there's SO many twists and turns to it all that you just have NO idea how it's all gonna work out and omg are they gonna just ruin it all for themselves by being stupid and ahhhhh the tension of just FIGURING OUT HOW THEY GET IT ALL TO WORK OUT!!! and of course it does. hahaha but HOW??? this is a RIDE and in my mind feels like a longer fic than 31k in the best of ways, they did an amazing job of packing a LOT of world building and storytelling into those 31k.

the straight for your heart (wolfpack au) series by foreverkneeld and foundfamilyvevo (96k, T/G, Multiple or No pairings including Niall/Louis, Zayn/Liam, OT5, and Shawn/Niall) - This series is the ultimate hurt/comfort and healing pack fic series omg. it was recommended to me when i was in a super hard time and my anxiety was so bad i couldn't focus on anything. These short fics that all focused so much on healing and found family were exactly what i needed. so so soft, so lovely. I still haven't read them all because i'm saving them for when i need them. they're glorious.

when the air ran out and we both started running wild by darlingjustdont (48k, M, Nick/Louis) - OMG OKAY LISTEN THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVS. a tomlinshaw werewolf pack fic?! ahhhhhhhhh i was SO happy when i discovered this one. louis is alpha of the pack and things are... shaky, shall we say. there's a lot going on that he's worried about and then he meets nick and it's kind of enemies to lovers? okay, more than kind of. but omg the FEELS. SO. MANY. FEELS. but also danger and a;lsdgkhas;ldfkja just please read this and rave with me because i don't have many i can talk about this one with and i LOVE IT.

You Smell Like by mystic_believexx (185k, M, Harry/Louis) - i had no idea this fic was so long hahahaha wow ANYWAY louis is human, but he's always been close with harry and therefore basically a part of his pack. but then one day harry leaves and louis kind of accidentally becomes the pack alpha. even though he's human. but there's SO much more to it. there's just sooooo much with the friendship and the pack bond as well as the danger and trying to figure out what the hell is going on... it's just a LOT and one of those epic fics that i still think about even though i read it...a year and a half ago i guess. but it's amazing and i highly recommend it if the word count doesn't scare you away haha

Canyon Moon by @eeveelou / delsicle (41k, E, Harry/Louis) - this is a lion king au, made a/b/o werewolves! i really enjoyed this one a lot, actually, because i could absolutely see the parallels, but also the way it was adapted made it so it wasn't always obvious how it would all play out. it was a really interesting and cool world building as well.

The Truth I Can't Explain (Smoke and Mirrors) by @fallinglikethis / FallingLikeThis (9k, M, Harry/Louis) - ohhhhh this one is SO cool cause it's by tabby so she made it incredibly fun and fascinating to try to figure out. there's magic and mages and werewolves and feuds and they're basically on the eve of battle and holy cow it's just SO cool.

One Touch Is Never Enough by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything (4k, E, Harry/Louis) - once again lauren delivers and there's just so much i keep giggling about with this because it is SO fun. there's a lot that louis is dealing with in this fic hahaha and the way she writes it all is so funny. the poor man just wants a fucking massage! lololol it's lighthearted, humorous, and basically filled with fluff, crack, and smut. hahaha

Knot Safe For Work by @jaerie / jaerie (6k, E, Harry/Louis) - a;sldkgha;lfdkjas listen i forgot about this fic until i found it in my bookmarks for werewolves because jenna writes so many fucking amazing fics that when i think of werewolves, i think of at least two others first, but i could NOT do this rec without this fic because now that i remember it exists i am going to have to go and read it again! hahaha harry's a werewolf, louis is a wizard, there's knotting dildos and table sex and... just read it. lolol

Saving's What I Need by @jaerie / jaerie (17k, M, Harry/Louis) - writer louis is out for a drive one day and he hits a dog. THIS POOR DOG! he takes it to the vet and tries his best to take care of it... but things are not as they seem. because yeah, harry is defo not a dog. lollllll this fic was hilarious and sweet and omg there's just so much to love about it. there were so many more emotions in it than i expected. loooove!

Out of the Wild by @jaerie / jaerie (22k, E, Harry/Louis) - this fic has such fun world building, which is actually a huge strength of jenna's fics and you'll hear me rave about it with all 50 of her fics that will end up on this rec list (not really 50, but ya know lol). louis is a fairly wild and undomesticated wolf and harry's from the city and they end up as roommates during the x factor process. oh my word this fic is so fun because of all the challenges they're going through PLUS the wolf side of things and just... the way they work together and navigate it all as well as falling for each other is pure gold.

Out With The Old, In With The New by, you guessed it, @jaerie / jaerie (7k, E, Harry/Louis) - listen, just. this one is smutty as hell and it's gonna take you some places that some people will be uncomfortable with, which is totally valid and fair. please be sure to read the tags and make your decision on whether or not to read accordingly, but also know that its written in a super interesting way that is also pretty amazing if you do decide to give it a shot. lol

Instincts by @marastarfar / StarFar ( 100k so far - it's a WIP!, T, Harry/Louis) - omg listen. i LOVE mara's fics so much and when this first posted it was a one shot little thing that was FASCINATING. i loved it! and then i was happily surprised when i learned more was added to it. and then it was turned into a wip and omg i am so far behind now but i trust mara with my life because i love everything i've read by them and what i've read of this so far is INCREDIBLE so just. yeah. lollll

There's a Power in What You Do by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (7k, T, Harry/Louis) - i just read my comment i left on this one and it was just mainly me begging for time stamps because there wasn't any way for her to improve upon the perfection of this fic (nesting! softness! even a silly comment in her endnotes to perfectly cap it all!), but i still wanted to remain in the story just a bit longer and learn more about them. hahaha anyway, those time stamps aren't happening, but this fic is still complete perfection.

amaryllis by @hattalove / hattalove (147k, E, Harry/Louis) - for a long time this was thought of as THE werewolf fic. if anyone was talking about a werewolf fic, it was probably this one. is that still the case? probably. i'm not sure. ANYWAY. there's a REASON it was THE werewolf fic and that's because this is amazing. it sucks you in and you feel like you're truly a part of the action. it's filled with the vibe of found family and wanting to figure out what happened while also adjusting to your new life and just... so many feelings. so much angst. SO fantastically epic.

#fic rec #my fic rec #werewolves #werewolves fic rec #love me a good werewolf fic mmhmm #i think i'm missing some of my favs #at least one by jenna #cause it might be tagged shifters instead of werewolves #i guess those are slightly different huh #anyway #i'll leave it here

[theimmaterialplace]

holding on | emily prentiss x reader & spencer reid x reader | ch. 2: falling

Chapter Summary: The morning after the reveal of Emily’s death and a conversation with Spencer.

Contains: mentions of cat-calling and panic attacks, light kissing, grief and mourning.

Word Count: 2.4k 

Comments: this fic is my new baby and i will nurture it to its end. this is gonna end up being a long story and emily won't reappear for at least another 25k so there's that! also look i gave a little flashback to their relationship! in case i didn't elaborate enough, spencer and reader are quite close and have known each other since elle left which ill get into in another chapter! so that's why she has some of his clothes and why he's so close to her and latching onto her. reader is going through it rn but she's shoving it aside which isn't healthy and not good in the long run so she'll have to adress it eventually but that's not now! she's kinda numb rn and trying to keep it together for spencer which is going... as well as one would expect.

i think my favorite line in this was "The song ends but the moment doesn’t." and "But all moments have to come to an end."next chapter, we'll be getting the rest of the bau team (yay!) and emily's funeral (💔)! reblogs and comments are highly appreciated! i love hearing feedback even if it’s something small!

also i’m gonna do a taglist for this fic so if you’d like to be added, send me an ask with the username you’d like to be tagged with!

masterlist | read on ao3

What am I now? What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

- Harry Styles, "Falling"

When the morning comes, you wake up first on your couch and feel a crick in your neck. The night’s memories rush back to your mind and you immediately feel nauseous. You manage to very carefully separate yourself from Spencer and manage to make it to the restroom in time to vomit.

It’s awful.

You don’t even know why it’s still hitting you so hard when Spencer is the one that should be feeling like this. He’s the one that’s known her for years and you were nothing but a fling for her.

You don’t glance at yourself when you exit your bathroom, already knowing the state you’re in. When you enter your living room, Spencer is still out so you decide to do the next best thing you can for him.

You’re thankful that you already have some leftover ground coffee beans from the day before because you really don’t want to wake him up before you can put a cup of coffee in his hands.  Going through the motions of making coffee and then a simple breakfast is calming.

You’re unsure if Spencer will be able to stomach anything if he’s anything like you are now so you make the lightest meal you can. When the coffee machine beeps, you grab two mugs and begin making the coffee the way he likes.

It’s as you’re making your own coffee that you’re interrupted by Spencer calling out your name. You turn around and find him rubbing his eyes and looking a bit better than when he first came in.

“Hey, Spence. I have some coffee if you want some,” you grab his mug at his nod and place it in his trembling hands, “it’s just how you like. Ninety percent sugar and cream and ten percent actual coffee.” A small smile crept onto his face at your joke and you’re glad you’ve managed to make him smile even if it’s just a little bit.

He sips on his coffee and you decide to plate the food that’s still warm onto your dining table. He follows and takes the seat across from you, mumbling his thanks. You both eat in silence for there are no words or fun quips to share with Emily gone.

Spencer is the first to break the silence. “Thank you… Thank you for last night. I couldn’t stay with my team after that. It was just too personal. I know I’ve mentioned it before but I’m the youngest of the team and though they mean well, they tend to baby me. I… I couldn’t handle it so I left them.” He pauses, fingertips tapping in a familiar tune on the ceramic mug, “I didn’t want to be alone and you’re the first person I thought of. I know you know… knew Emily and that you would just be there for me so thank you.”

He looks directly into your eyes as he says this and you know how serious this must mean for him so you reach out for his hand, which he extends for you, and squeeze it in your own. You have to articulate your response properly because you don’t want to scare him off by saying the wrong thing.

Maintaining eye contact, you speak, “I’m glad I was able to be there for you, Spencer. To be the first person you came to means a lot to me. I hope you know I’ll always be there for you, for the small and the big things. While I may not be as close… While I may not have been as close to Emily as you were, I will still grieve for her. Just knowing how much she meant to you is enough for me to know how much a beautiful person she was. From the little glimpses I’ve seen of her and the tidbits you’ve told me over the years, I know this is going to be one of the hardest things for you… and if you let me, I’d like to be there for you.”

He’s like an open book after you’ve told him your resolve, like the book you’ve reread more times you can count and the original copy has been worn down due with some of the passages long gone but memorized in your heart. His eyes are watering again and he’s out of his seat faster than you can comprehend and he lifts you up and his arms wrap around you tightly, as if you’re his lifeline.

He whispers words of gratitude into the crown of your head and you hold him back just as tightly, tears springing to your eyes. You’d do anything to take his pain away and if this is all you can do then you’ll do it willingly.

“I want you here,” his voice is low and wrecked, “I.. I don’t want to be alone. Please. Please don’t leave me. Everyone leaves, Please…”

You look up to him and grab his face gently in your hands, wiping the tears from his cheek as you say, “I’m not leaving, Spencer. I’m right here. I’m here for you always. I promise not to leave you. I’m with you. I’m here.” At this, he looks even more broken and only nods his head, breath hitching and his sobs ceasing for the moment. You know it’s not enough for him so you guide one of  his hands to the pulse on your wrist.

“Count.” And he does, his mind focuses on the beat and it calms him; it reassures him you’re still alive.

When the minute is over, he looks significantly more calm and less likely to cry again. He looks at you like he can’t believe you’re really there and you pull him in again. Physical contact is meant to ground people and you only hope this helps him.

A shrill ring interrupts your thoughts and you know it’s Spencer’s because you’ve heard it many times before from him and Emily both.

He lets go of you to answer it and he tenses immediately as he hears whoever it is on the other line. He says a few things in response and his eyes become glassy again. He hangs up only a few moments later and turns to you.

“My team wants me to help inform Emily’s mother of her death so we can start planning her funeral…” He closes his eyes shut and his fingers clench into his palms. Slowly, you walk up to him and unfold his palms and find red, crescent indents on his palms.

“I can drive you…? I know you took the metro here. Let me help, Spencer.” He just nods and you lead him to the bathroom to help tidy him up. You turn the faucet on and hand him his toothbrush, your fingers lingering on Emily’s red one before grabbing your own. It’s a familiar routine and as you finish, you leave to let him use the restroom and wash up while you rack through your closet to find something he's left over to wear for the day.

You manage to find a striped brown button up and matching brown pants while you put on a simple outfit, a grey long sleeve with jeans and a pair of black vans. You knock on the door and he opens it after a moment and takes his clothes from you. You go back to your room to fix up your hair and after a while you deem it acceptable.

As you’re doing your makeup routine, you hear a knock then, “Are you decent?”

“Come in, I’m almost done.” The door opens and you catch his reflection in your mirror. He looks better but the despair that clings to him is obvious to you.

He lets a small smile fill his face and though it doesn’t reach his eyes, you still match it. “I’m surprised you still had this. I had wondered where this outfit had gone but I remember that when I stayed over that night I had to leave immediately and left it here.”

“Well, I wouldn’t just throw it away and I kept forgetting to give it back to you. It’s a good thing otherwise you’d be left in some sweatpants and a Star Trek t-shirt.” He lets out a small laugh at that and you’re grateful you’re able to get him to genuinely laugh.

“Okay, I’m done. We can head out now.” He follows you out of your apartment and into the passenger seat of your car. The ride is silent to Quantico, unlike the usual rides you give him where you play a new genre for him and for him to compare it to his classical music and talk about some facts of the music.

When you finally arrive, you both sit there. He doesn’t want to leave and face reality and you don’t want to be left alone with only the truth to haunt you.

Spencer breaks the silence once again, “Thank you for everything. I don’t know where I would’ve gone last night… If you can, can you pick me up later? I… I can’t be with the team right now. It’s just too fresh.”

“Of course, Spencer. Just send me a text a bit before and I’ll be there.” He nods and gives you a quick hug before leaving and your eyes follow him until he’s nothing but a pinprick in your vision.

Like a switch flipped, you can only think of Emily. It’s not fair that she… that Emily is gone, that’s she’s dead. You never thought this was a probability. She was always such an impervious figure in your mind, a larger than life kind of person. You knew it was a possibility in her line of work but it never crossed your mind that it could actually happen to her. She was a strong woman, never letting anything affect her and you can’t believe she’s gone.

You shouldn’t even feel this strongly for her, you’re not meant to be more than a friend to her but you can’t help but think of her as your lover. Every little moment you’ve shared with her flashes in your mind. One in particular stands out, one that had happened only a month or two ago.

“Ugh, Emily. We’ve gotta go or else tomorrow morning is gonna be hell for the both of us.” You drag her away from the bar and shoot a smile at the bartender who only shakes her head and mouths “have a nice night”.

“ No ,” she whines, “I don’t want to, babe. We were having so much fun. Let’s stay here and dance some more.” She grins at you, taking your hand and pulling you back into the crowd. You let her because you can never say no to her, not when she’s looking at you with those eyes and that smile.

Her mood is infectious and you let her have this one last dance. It’s not even a song you know but you think it might be your new favorite with the way she twirls you around and looks at you with affection and fondness.

Being with Emily is the best thing that’s ever happened to you, even if this is a temporary thing. You would do anything for her, even leave her alone if that’s what she wanted.

The song ends but the moment doesn’t.

“Okay, okay, Em. We really need to go now.” She pouts at you but relents and follows you out of the club.

Before you reach your car, she pulls you in, her hands cradling your face, and she’s looking at you in wonder, “Y’know I can’t believe you’re actually here. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You mean so much to me. I hope you know that.” She leans in and kisses you. You savor every moment of it, feeling her smile against your lips. Like an imp, she grins widely and leaves multiple pecks around your lips, never quite touching.

It’s just you and her in that moment and she’s never seemed more lovely than in that exact moment.

Deciding that her actions are enough, you grab her by the chin and your free arm wraps around her waist so that she’s flush against you and slam your lips onto her own. Every emotion you’ve felt for her is poured into the kiss and you hope she can feel it. It’s passionate and messy and it leaves you wanting more.

She lets out a small moan when you move your mouth to pepper kisses onto her jaw and to suck on her sweet spot, sighing praises into her skin as if they’ll imprint on her, an irrefutable claim.

You’re not sure how much time passes between that moment but you only stop when you hear multiple wolf whistles and she groans before pulling away from you and yells at the offenders, “Shows’ over, you fucks!” Then she turns to you and leers, “We’ll finish this back at my place.”

You’re only able to nod and look at her in awe,  “Emily Prentiss… what a woman you are. I’ll never be able to forget you know?”

She smiles even wider at your admission, and beckons you forward and of course you come closer and she admits quietly, “You won’t ever have the chance to. I plan on never letting you go.”

But all moments have to come to an end.

If only that was the truth because she never brought up the conversation the morning after. Whether she actually remembered it and shoved it aside or she genuinely couldn’t remember, you can’t decide what’s worse. You never mention it because you don’t want to ruin something that already works and now… Now you would never have the chance to find out because Emily was dead.

Tears well up in your eyes and you recognize the signs of an oncoming panic attack. It’s with a wet laugh that you realize that you were right, your dramatic thoughts from the night she texted you had come true.

Emily Prentiss would haunt you forever and you’ll let her if it means you’ll never forget what she sounded like or what each gleam in her eye or each smile meant.

#emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x female reader #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #my writing #holding on

[atruththatyoudeny]

Monthly Reads | July 2020

Happy 28th! As always, my undying love goes out to all the amazing authors this fandom still has. You are all incredible! Thank you for sharing your work with us ♥ Here are all the 21 fics I read and enjoyed this month:

⋙ The Murmur of Yearning | MediaWhore | historical - no smut - arranged marriage past rape/non-con - implied/referenced dubious consent - minor character death - slow burn - 93k Four years ago, Harry Styles was forced into a marriage of convenience to enrich and ally both his and his promised's families. The sudden, and slightly suspicious, death of the Marquess of Haxshire, however, brings great disturbance to Crescentfield Hall and, as his late's husband's closest male relative, Harry unexpectedly finds himself the head of a family he never felt he belonged to. Between a meddling distant cousin hellbent on inserting himself in Harry’s life, his wicked and mistrustful mother-in-law and his late husband’s advisors refusing to help or take him seriously, Harry struggles in the fight to keep what he’s earned and make the Estate finally feel like home. Luckily he doesn’t stand completely alone and finds himself an unlikely ally in Mr Tomlinson, the elusive Land Stewart who has been taking care of the property in the shadows for years. Louis Tomlinson is caring, patient, and unlike everyone else, he doesn’t seem to think Harry committed a murder.

⋙ Donor-Conceived | jaerie | a/b/o - omega/omega - friends to lovers - intersex omegas - pregnancy kink - unplanned pregnancy - fertility issues - miscarriage mentioned - male lactation - lactation kink - 31k When Harry receives the worst news of his life, it's now or never if he wants to carry a child of his own. Without an alpha, it's a daunting idea. But after it's a go, he finds another omega having a child from the same donor and become fast friends. It is only logical that they raise the boys as half brothers, making sure their sons keep up the relationship with the only connection to their anonymous father. It seems like the perfect plan but life doesn't always work out that way.

⋙ Just a touch of your love | anonymous | a/b/o - touch-starved - past abuse - past rape/non-con - miscommunication - anxiety attacks - 12k “What if something happened to you? What would I say to Niall?” “Nothing, he would have to wait to see my corpse on the news like everyone else.” Deadpanned Harry. Louis’ gasp was all the answer he got. Ok, so that might have been a bit too much. With a calmer voice, he said, “It’s really fine. I’ve walked to the tube countless times, I can handle myself. Just go home and tell Niall to stop mothering me.” Louis was finally walking by his side and gave him a sideways glance before talking. “He doesn’t know, does he? Of your, uh, condition.” Harry tensed and his breath became erratic, but he didn’t say a word. Louis continued. “His nose probably hasn’t picked it up, and you’re lucky Liam’s also a beta, but it took me a minute to confirm it. Your scent is gettin’ so…” He seemed to struggle to find a word. He didn’t finish the sentence, but the emotion in his voice made Harry’s tummy churn. -- Or, Harry is a touch starved omega trying to get through it on his own. Louis happens to be the only alpha around to realize it and offers to help.

⋙ We're Not Who We Used To Be | jaerie | trans female character - trans Harry - childhood friends - friends with benefits - transitioning - gender dysphoria - body disphoria gender identity - first time - self-medicating - reference to depression - 7k Louis comes back to his childhood home and sees an old friend who has changed quite a lot since the last time they saw each other.

⋙ Sincerely, Yours | anon | strangers to lovers - military - 25k Prompt:Historical AU where Louis is a soldier on his way to first deployment and Harry is working at a diner. They meet there when Louis is waiting for the bus, Harry tries to cheer Louis up and agrees to write to him while he's deployed because Louis doesn't have anyone else to write to. People kinda make fun of Harry for writing to (and falling for) a virtual stranger but otherwise everything is great until Louis stops writing. AKA travelin' soldier by the Dixie Chicks but gay and with a happy ending.

⋙ Ever Since I Tried Your Way | anon | historical - 1940s - 1950s - farm/ranch - internalized homophobia - hurt/comfort - emotional hurt/comfort - fluff - smut - gender exploration - body worship - 26k Harry had been kissed before, but never like this. He’d shared sweet, curious kisses behind bleachers and in soda shop booths, one or two more daring ones in cars parked on dark suburban streets, but the girls he’d kissed had never filled him with the desperation that erupted from Louis’ touch. He parted his lips and pulled him closer, as though he could breathe Louis straight into his lungs, as if he could swallow him. He wanted to consume Louis the way he consumed the body and blood of Christ. He wanted to place Louis on his tongue and feel him dissolve into a frothy mess of starch and saliva. He wanted to gulp him down until his teeth were stained purple and he was drunk on him. He wanted him in some violent holy way that made his hands shake where they were twisted in Louis’ shirt. In 1949 Harry left his bride at the altar, running away from the only life he'd known. When a kindhearted farmer offers him a ride in his truck and a place to sleep the two find themselves inexplicably drawn together. Isolated on Louis' farm with nobody but a field of dairy cows to intrude, the men are finally able to explore the parts of themselves they've spent their lives hiding away.

⋙ sleeping on our problems | falsegoodnight | a/b/o - college/university - mpreg - friends with benefits - angst - slow burn - hurt/comfort - 67k I’m in love with you, Louis thinks. He feels empty, weighed down by his sadness and the loss of Harry inside him just moments ago before his knot finally went down. There’s moments where he’s sure Harry feels the same. Like now, when he’s gazing down at Louis with so much adoration and tenderness. It’s like they’re both on the cusp of something more, but neither of them ever say a word. His confession is on the tip of his tongue ready to slide out like honey, and yet he remains silent. They both do, looking at each other and recognizing the reluctance mirrored in each other’s eyes. It’s then that Louis realizes they’re both scared. - Or Louis sleeps with Harry and they have more than just catching feelings to worry about.

⋙ in a world alone | falsegoodnight | a/b/o - Swan Lake AU - historical - royalty - magic - curses - friends to lovers - slow burn - mpreg - 51k Harry’s breath catches as the glow grows bigger and bigger until he’s squinting his eyes and blinking at the sudden intense brightness. He closes his eyes, rubbing at them helplessly. When his eyes open again- he gasps, grip loosening on his bow as he gawks at the sight before him. Because the swan is gone. And in its place is the prettiest omega Harry has ever seen. - A Swan Lake AU

⋙ The Baby Whisperer | jacaranda_bloom | strangers to lovers - prior mpreg - neighbours - fluff - smut - kid fic - 19k Harry’s newborn baby is having trouble sleeping and nothing he does seems to work. Tired and alone and at his wits end, Harry is at a loss until a new neighbour arrives to turn his world upside down. OR the one where being neighbourly takes on a whole new meaning.

⋙ was in no hurry, had no worries | defencelouis | strangers to lovers - car accidents - smut - daddy kink - 21k The year is 1999 and Harry can’t stop dedicating songs to Louis on the radio. Or the one where Harry hits Louis with his car.

⋙ Strong Enough | jacaranda_bloom | enemies to lovers - exes to lovers - angst - smut - divorce - 21k “So…” Liam starts, and Louis instantly knows where this is going. He’s actually glad it’s Liam that's dragging the subject out from the shadows and into the light. Louis turns to face him, mirroring his position on the couch and nods, ready for him to continue. Liam takes a deep breath. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?” Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

⋙ What's It Gonna Be? | zeldasayre | high school - 37k Louis looked thoughtful for a moment. “When are you meeting with Clare again?” “Thursday,” Bebe said, looking over at him, the ice clinking in her glass as she stirred it with a long spoon. “Why?” He grinned, narrowing his eyes. He took a long, dramatic pause, sipping his lemonade, and then said, “Scheming.” aka I've watched Shura's "What's It Gonna Be?" music video one too many times. ((Or, Louis and Bebe, best friends since childhood, have crushes on two of the most popular kids in school, and in an attempt to increase their respective chances, Louis befriends Harry Styles, quarterback of the football team, while Bebe befriends Clare Uchima, head cheerleader. Only... the plan... doesn't go exactly as planned.))

⋙ There Goes My Life | anonymous | older larry - colleagues with benefits - mpreg - unplanned pregnancy - smut - lactation kink - 8k Metallic taste in the mouth, check. Aversions to favourite foods, check. Nausea without throwing up, check. A heightened sense of smell, check. Sore and sensitive nipples, check. It had felt as though Harry had been ticking off boxes from his own mental checklist and every new addition brought him closer to an existential crisis. Pregnant. Everything over the last few weeks began to make sense; thoughts he pushed from his mind because he was too busy, and to be honest too scared, to think about. Getting knocked up from a few-night’s-stand was something that happened to teenagers and/or uni students, but certainly not to a forty-year-old Member of Parliament such as himself. *** Or, the one where Harry is single, a Member of Parliament, gets knocked up and has to deal with navigating motherhood in his forties. And Louis? Well, his life is about to change forever as well. This is a tale about colleagues with benefits and the consequences that can come with that.

⋙ Mother I'd Like to * | anonymous | implied mpreg - MILF Harry - 4k “What’s up, dad?” Oliver asks Louis, standing in front of Harry in a way that hides his friends from the view. “Is there something wrong with your mom? Your friends are staring a lot.” Oliver goes beet red at that. He groans and hides his face on his hands. “Oh my god. Oh my god.” --------------------- Written for the prompt: Harry’s and Louis’ son is like 16, so he is hanging out with his friends and his friends are teasing him about how hot his mother (aka harry) is, just like the 1D boys always did with Harry about Anne. The son feels super uncomfortable and Louis is super confused why these little teenagers boys always stare at Harry’s body when he is cooking for them whenever they visit until he finds out they think of Harry as the hottest milf in town (more humor than actual sexual references pls, this is supposed to be more funny than awkwardly sexual :D)

⋙ An Invincible Summer | Brooklyn_Babylon | farm/ranch - historical - 1940s - period-typical homophobia - adoption - minor character death - epilepsy - homophobic language - smut - 44k Never content to stay in one place for long, a few months down south researching for his novel seemed like an idyllic, slow-paced summer to Louis. He wasn't ready for the blistering heat, the backbreaking work of watermelon picking, or how stifling the attitudes in rural Georgia would feel. And he definitely hadn’t anticipated falling in love with the farmer’s son. The summer of 1946 would turn out to be everything worth writing about.

⋙ a trail of honey through it all | faeriestyles | strangers to friends to lovers - mild violence - D/s undertones - 27k The boy in front of him, well really, the man in front of him, was like something out of a confusing wet dream. Built, tall, tan and muscular, his skin glistened with sweat after a long day of working outdoors with his hands. He was wearing a cut up old American football shirt, the bottom hem was torn and the sleeves were cut off to the point where the t-shirt was really just a loose tank top. The shorts he had on had clearly been full length jeans at one point, and were now just crudely cut off above the knee. His white socks were pulled up too high on his calves, and the brown work boots he had on were old as fuck, the leather peeling along the edges of the soles. Curly brown hair stuck out from the edges of his backwards snapback, and there was a smudge of grease wiped along his brow bone. The smattering of hair along his jaw proved that he hadn’t shaved in a week or two, the hair growing in thicker across his upper lip and around his chin. His sinfully bowed mouth was pink and plump, and Louis was suddenly hyper-focused on the way that he chewed at the toothpick stuck between his lips. He looked like he needed a shower. Louis wanted to lick him. Or, the TPH fic we’ve all been waiting for.

⋙ The Recklessness in Water | LarryOn | light angst - smut - 50k Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He's stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren't bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

⋙ baby blue | soldouthaz | cowboy AU - famous/not famous - angst - hate to love - enemies to lovers - smut - hurt/comfort - minor violence - 39k Harry Styles takes his time coming out to greet them. Louis only knows what he’s seen on file and what he’s heard them talking about, but he fully lives up to the image he had inside of his head. He saunters down the front steps of the farmhouse in his Levi’s, brown snakeskin boots curving out from underneath the denim Louis’ sure he had specially made. He’s got on a plaid button-down tucked into the jeans because of course he does, curls spilling out from either side of his cowboy hat around his sunglasses and country-tan skin. “Harry Styles,” he drawls, extending a hand to Louis’ manager, “Pleased to meet ya’ll.”

⋙ with no way out and a long way down | we_are_the_same | royalty - soulmates - strangers to lovers - fluff - angst - no smut - emotional hurt/comfort arranged marriage - 31k Prince Harry is ten when he receives his soulmark.

⋙ adjudication | bottomlinsons | royalty - historical - enemies to friends to lovers - enemies to friends - love letters - betrayal - slow burn - light angst - arranged marriage - 75k Harry's been engaged to Princess Charlotte of Ryde for as long as he can remember. He's come to know her, to love her, through the letters she's sent him over the past three years. But when the wedding finally arrives, Harry quickly learns that nothing is as it seems. With his crown and country at stake, Harry must decide who to trust in this strange new land. And the sly Crown Prince of Ryde doesn't seem inclined to make things easy.

⋙ Something to Prove | trysomecats | a/b/o - enemies to lovers - mpreg - smut - 9k Louis is the first and only omega to work at Red Valley Medical Center. Despite being more than qualified, he still faces prejudice for his career choice everyday. From patients refusing his treatment to condescending alpha doctors intervening with his work, practicing medicine in Boston is more challenging than Louis had ever thought it would be.

#fic rec #28th appreciation #monthly reads #monthly fic rec #my reads #larry fics #completed fics

[asinnersalibi]

Frustration

I am this close to deleting my WIP and starting over I stg. I am going to scream. We are somewhere near 25k and the bitch just won’t. I’m going to fucking scream. 

I even got (kidnapped) a fucking cat, like maybe having a little furball running around all the got damn time would make my brain go “hmm, inconvenience, how about writing?” but noooo the bitch tit and a half decided “Inconvenience, how about writing? Oh but wait you’ve got that thing in that one WIP and those other things in the WIP you want to be working on and the last time you tried to do productive things you threw a chair at a squirrel and hit your neighbors car. Wouldn’t wanna do that again, huh? Maybe you should find a new interest, writing seems to be frustrating you.” You’re frustrating me you fucking fuck. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this fucking bullshit. I am so. D o n e. you stupid fucking gremlin brain I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you fucking die god damnit I fucking hate you just let me fucking write jesus christ 

I DON’T FEEL BETTER. KILL ME JESUS CHRIST 

What’s worse is I can only expend so much energy at once and it’s so hard to do other things because all my fucking brain is doing is “Write. Why aren’t you writing? Have you finally accepted it’s a waste of time? What about pottery? Nah, you’re violent, what about writing?” and it’s just so fucking exhausting just. . .fucking hell I just damnit kill me why can’t I just write I’m writing now but it’s not what I want to be writing I’ve tried your stupid writing prompts I’ve tried your stupid inspirations and bullshit schedules I’ve been sitting here for four fucking hours I have done everything you’ve wanted me to it’s been four fucking months and that in itself isn’t horrible but it feels so much longer and you fucking know that you shit stick. 

Fuck

Why 

Please? I can beg pathetically on my knees, I can grovel I just don’t know what I fucking did wrong, was it me? Something I fucking did? 

You know what, fuck you, I don’t have to write anymore I can just move to the fucking mountains and scare the locals until some stupid teenagers venture up to my hideaway for shits and giggles and when one of them gets abandoned by their shit friends they’ll realize I’m no local legend just a gremlin bastard who at this point either gave up or was given up on and I hate putting the blame on other people what if it really is just my fucking fault I wish I was dead just sitting in a dark fucking bathroom I don’t even know where I am anymore I haven’t even gone anywhere I just feel so fucking lost I’m not at home anymore. 

Bathtubs are comfortable for a while, then things feel too detached and your ass get numb and you have to inhabit some other space, living or otherwise.  

What is wrong with you? What did I ever fucking do you to you abdominal shit stick? I hate you. Fucking bitch. I want to unalive I don’t even fucking know if I’m tired anymore it’s just the weird fucking spectrum of how many emotions can I feel in twenty minutes. Three main ones; 

Frustration. 

Despair. 

and Rage. 

brain empty. Head full of thoughts. 

It’s like my brain decided to declutter and left all it’s fucking shit outside.  

Desperation is a feeling, right? 

I’m done, that’s it I’m tired and I’m going to sleep enjoy your fucking rollercoaster of desperation I never want to ride this shit again but we all fucking know I don’t have a fucking choice. fucking sticks. 

anyway the rest of this is probably unintelligible and anywhere between emotional and suicidal so just good fucking luck. I burnt myself out, I’m just going to sleep I’m done fighting the shit stick.  

I’m not okay but I don’t feel like hurting something including myself so that’s progress I guess. 

#writing #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #writers block #i hate everything #i have so many ideas #and my brain will not let me indulge in any of them #i fucking hate it so much #i have everything #i fucking hate everything #kill me #and this bullshit #kill my brain #kill my thoughts #I am so fucking done #I am so mad right now #it's fucking exhausting #fuck #fuck this #fuck hat #fuck that #I am so done #I want to scream #lost #bored #emotional #probably #goodnight #therapy

[getalittleclosey]

under 25k larry fic rec

hi! i’m becca and i read...so much fic. these rec lists are an accumulation of fic that i’ve read or reread and extra loved from 2016-now. there’s a wide range of stuff here and i think there’s definitely something for everyone!! i divided them up by length so you can check out all those categories below!

please make sure to read tags and warnings on all these fics!! the only things i think i can guarantee is that these are all larry, there’s no non-con, no age play, no eating disorders, no mentions of bg, they end happy, and they’re mostly aus. oh and they’re all on ao3 and some are locked so you’ll need an account! anyway i hope y’all enjoy!!!

under 5k

under 10k

under 50k

under 100k

100k+

☆ watching the world fall by whoknows 12k

This segment has been going on long enough that Louis knows what’s coming before James starts in on it, trying to sell him on something he knows that Louis wouldn’t normally be buying. But there’s four cameras surrounding him, and an audience watching him expectantly, so if Louis wants to continue convincing people that he’s doing just fine, he’s going to have to go along with it.

“We have a whole host of single men backstage waiting to meet you, Louis,” James tells him. “We want to help you find love tonight, on Late Late Live Tinder. Is this okay? Do you want to play?”

It actually kind of makes sense that his first date after the break-up is going to be just as public as said break-up. Something like coming full circle.

“Alright, James,” Louis agrees, hopping down off his stool.

“Okay, come down to the stage,” James says. Louis can’t even tell whether the excitement in his voice is genuine or not. “Right now, come on down!”

☆ enjoy the ride by 2tiedships2 11k

“Stop sulking and get up. I have a proposition to make.”

“Niall?” Louis questioned. “Do you think I should put glow in the dark stars on my ceiling?”

He looked over and found Niall giving him an unimpressed look.

“So, no?” Louis asked. “No stars?”

“We’re going on a road trip,” Niall stated.

Louis looked back at his starless ceiling and waved farewell to Niall. “Cool. Have fun!”

“No, you idiot.” Niall let out a frustrated sigh. “You, me, Liam, and Harry.”

Louis glanced over to Niall and back to the ceiling. “Who’s Harry?”

Or the one where Louis, an omega more than tired of being treated as lesser than alphas, is forced on a road trip by his beta besties only to meet Harry who might just be the alpha he never knew he wanted.

☆ like to keep you laughing by kikikryslee 13k

Louis gasped. “Are you straight? Oh, I'm sorry, man. You should’ve just told me; I would’ve left you alone.” “No, no, that’s not it," Harry said. "I like guys. I definitely like guys.” “OK…” “Louis, I’m ace.” Louis snorted. “Kind of full of yourself, aren’t you?” --- Or, the one where Louis is a frat boy who likes to hook up and Harry is someone who doesn't hook up ever.

note: ace and aro rep bless

☆ say that you can see me (i’ll speak up i swear) by coffeelouis (streamtpwk) 20k

“Well, it’s not like anyone really RSVPs,” Liam defends when Harry turns back to him, “No one takes Facebook events seriously.” Harry rolls his eyes, still finding it within himself to get annoyed in his moment of panic. Liam has been complaining about the lack of accountability Facebook events have bred in their generation since their freshman year. Harry glances back to the gallery entrance. Yep, still there and moving closer.

“But aren’t you guys friends?” Harry asks, trying to convey the urgency in his tone.

“Well, I mean, I talk to him when he stops by the office for supplies sometimes,” Liam reasons, “But I wouldn’t say we’re friends, exactly. Maybe more like, friendly acquaintances?”

Harry groans. “You’re the fucking worst.”

[or, the liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as the boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him.]

☆ a fire in us by hereforlou 12k

Louis had always thought it wouldn’t catch him off-guard. If he ever got his Time, he would be ready, and he would be calm, and he would make his way to wherever his soulmate waited for him and blow them away with how ready and calm he was.

When he got his Time on that Monday, years after he had stopped fantasizing about meeting his soulmate, Louis was not ready, and he was not calm. What he was was late.

(Or, the one where Harry waits and Louis worries.)

☆ just like the wolf before he bites by whoknows 11k

He’s loud, Louis is, and that’s far from unusual for him, but the volume of it still has Harry pulling back the curtain. There’s a half-formed thought in the back of his brain about telling Louis off, because it’s fucking half three in the morning, but then.

But then Harry’s eyes get stuck on the soft glint of Louis’ stubble in the light, and he’s making his way across the room before he even realizes it.

Louis, for his part, just tips his chin up to give Harry space and keeps talking, waving the joint in his hand around for emphasis. He doesn’t even bother to greet Harry, going on with his story to his semi-rapt audience, just settles a hand in between Harry’s shoulder blades and pushes him down firmly.

Harry just. Relaxes. His eyes slip closed, pushing his entire face into that spot underneath Louis’ chin, where his hair is still growing, neat and prickly. The scent of Louis’ cologne drifts into Harry’s nose, light and fresh, and it’s calming. Comforting. His breathing syncs up with Louis’ quickly, and Harry feels so much better than he had five minutes ago he almost wants to cry.

note: i’m rewatching teen wolf so this hits different

☆ wine not? by multiple authors 21k

Louis’ Wine Dive is a bar run by the people for the people. Wine Styles is a boutique tasting room that caters to a more highbrow clientele. When their worlds clash on a beautiful Charleston street, one of these owners may find that an ounce of pretension doesn’t stand a chance against a pound of perseverance.

☆ ain’t that a kick in the head by multiple authors 22k

“Well.” Niall unlocks his phone. “It wasn’t getting the traction I wanted on Snapchat. So…I tweeted it.”

What.

“You tweeted it,” Harry states, nearing a state of brain dead. “To your ten thousand followers.”

Niall nods, handing Harry the phone. “You’re a meme, Harry.”

“I’m a what?”

“A meme. It’s like an internet—”

“I know what a fucking meme is, Niall! Why did you make me into one?”

Niall has the fucking balls to cackle at that while Harry looks at the mess his former friend created. Videos of him screaming at Tomlinson about Tide Pods and his ass are being quoted and combined with memes to a create a level of memeception Harry has never seen before. That isn’t even including the thousands of tweets of him falling up the stairs remixed with random Top 40 songs.

~

In which Harry’s a disaster gay who doesn’t know shit about soccer, Liam drinks too many blue raspberry Coolattas, Niall knows everyone, Zayn looks dead, and Louis is Not Happy about sharing his breakout moment with “Drunk Hawaiian Guy.”

☆ tyger! tyger! burning bright by ryanreynolds 12k

They put on the Great British Bake Off, in a house in Donny, in England, that’s maybe inhabited by two ghosts, two lovers, stuck in the house where they used to have a life, so far away from the time they were born in. // A Buzzfeed Unsolved AU in which Harry and Louis died in a fire in the late 1800's, but death isn't the end.

☆ for the first time by mixedfandomfics 22k

The first Harry that Louis met was at his third school in as many years, and had shoved Louis’ head into the toilet when he walked into the mens restroom. Some slurs had been used, but the whole incident was kind of blurry thanks to the concussion he got when his head hit the tile floor.

The second Harry was a TSA agent when Louis was sixteen, returning from a trip abroad. The agent had smirked at Louis passport. “Layla, huh? Should think about dressing a little more feminine, no guy is gonna want you looking like that.”

Louis doesn’t want to see if “third time’s the charm” applies here. He’s finally secure in his life and happy, and he doesn’t want the heartbreak if his soulmate is just another bigot that wanted Layla and not Louis. Sue him for avoiding the pain.

☆ all i need is oxygen (and you) by lululawrence 12k

There are only two ways to navigate Bloomfield High School: become popular or make yourself invisible.

With the help of his best mate Niall, Harry’s introduction to high school hadn’t been half bad. Despite being a “bandie” – the lowest of the low in the ancient hierarchy of high school –Harry had somehow managed to survive freshman year relatively unscathed. So naturally, Harry would have been perfectly happy to resume his position of invisible trombone player number four for the remainder of high school. But one day something drastic happened, something that would change the course of Harry’s entire existence (probably).

It was the last football game of his freshman year, and the band was back in the stands after performing a rousing rendition of Bloomfield’s alma mater during half time. Harry was gracelessly wiping the slobber from the mouthpiece of his trombone when he saw him.

Louis Tomlinson.

Or...a High School AU where Harry is a bandie and Louis is the epitome of cool, so naturally, Harry must find a way to get his attention and win his affections.

☆ come together by bottomlinsons 11k

Harry and Louis slept together three weeks ago, and haven't talked.

Their coming group project is gonna change that.

☆ honey at seven by louiesunshine 11k

He’s in head to toe in khaki, from the oversized shorts showing off his thin and tanned legs to the buttoned-up shirt which is hiding his true form underneath. If his muscular arms have any indication, Louis easily assumes he’s fit and toned. A dark brown leather belt ties around his slim waist. And to top it all off, the man proudly wore a safari hat on his dark wavy hair.

Unfortunately from where Louis is at, he can’t get a clear view of the man’s eyes. But he’s able to see a strong jawline and a simple dimple curving his cheek. God.

Being the impatient guy that he is, he not so kindly pushes both Niall and Liam forward to speed them up.

“Welcome, guys, gals, and non-binary pals! Hop on in and watch your head. If you happen to miss your step and hit your head, then lower your voice and watch your language. This is a family attraction and we’d like to keep it that way.”

Or, where Louis goes to Disneyland for his birthday and finds himself a cute Jungle Cruise skipper.

☆ the switch (love is blind) by writeroffictions 13k

A Model Behavior/Princess Switch AU: Harry Styles is a doppelganger for the new face of Gucci, runway model, Dean Rose. Harry is asked to pose as him one night for an event, because the actual Dean Rose is violently ill. This leads Harry to meeting his celeb crush, Global Superstar Louis Tomlinson. Sparks fly. But are any of them real?

☆ fiction romance by orphan_account 18k

Harry has a type.

He likes older, sophisticated, mature men. Well-educated men. Men with life experience and passion for arts and social causes. Men who are established in their careers, who've sorted their lives out.

Niall knows this.

And so Harry can't understand why he's sat here opposite Louis Tomlinson.

A punk Louis/uni Harry blind date AU.

☆ under me, you by hazzafrazza (colberry) 12k

You Won’t Believe Who Was Spotted Leaving Harry Styles’ Primrose Hill Pad! If Harry was being completely honest, it probably wasn’t the best idea to be a world-renowned popstar and an infamous vigilante.

(Especially when all the comic books said never reveal your secret identity to keep your loved ones safe – which was all well and good, until Louis.)

Or: Harry wants a lot of things – fame, glory, Louis – but that last one is particularly hard to get when everyone thinks you’re dating your secret superhero alter-ego and suddenly you’ve become your own worst cockblock.

☆ superhuman tonight by rearviewdreamer 23k

A group of young offenders doing community service get struck by lightning during a storm, and begin to develop superpowers.

☆ sing you butterflies by objectlesson 23k

Louis stares for a moment before some primal sympathetic force in him activates. He has to help this boy. He can hardly walk, and he seems so young (yet ageless, beyond age, like a sea turtle or a parrot or a tree or something else odd and magical), and on top of all that, he has body glitter clinging to his skin, like that roll-on stuff his sisters used to use as preteens, only pink-gold and twice as thick. It’s, like, professional grade. He’s also wearing grass- and dirt-stained pink silk women’s underwear, so maybe he’s from London. Maybe he’s a drag queen who crawled all the way from a nightclub in Soho just to save Louis from his horribly mundane and woefully heterosexual neighbours out here in the middle of nowhere.

---

or, Harry’s a clumsy unicorn who accidentally stomps on a witch’s garden and is turned into a human as punishment, so he wanders into a nearby village covered in glitter, still figuring out how to walk on two feet, and meets the fairy-tale-fine Louis, who has to teach him how to live as a human and stop him from eating soap.

☆ i’ll be your love tonight by dinosaursmate 20k

“I don’t know how I’m ever going to walk away from you.” “So don’t.” Harry ran a fingertip over Louis’ thigh. “Stay with me.” - It's the summer of 1999 and Louis Tomlinson has been abandoned at a house party. A dispute over Smirnoff Ice and several night buses later, Louis is unsure how he'll ever walk away from this lovely, curly-haired boy.

☆ carried away like butterflies by dinosaursmate 17k

“Actually…” Liam said, scratching his chin absently. “I have a friend who is moving to London soon.” “Without anywhere to live? Who is it? Do I want them living in my home?!” “You met him at my birthday party. Harry, from Cheshire. Remember? Really tight jeans, curly hair down to here?” Realisation dawned on Louis, staring at Liam who was gesturing round about his nipples. Did he remember Harry? Did he remember Harry? He remembered Harry’s square front teeth biting into his collarbone, and he remembered Harry moaning, loud and obscene with no provocation. He remembered Harry dropping to his knees at the edge of the bed and roughly pulling Louis closer. He remembered, vividly, Harry’s lovely plump lips wrapping around his- “Lou?” “Uh- what?” Louis said, startled. “Oh, yeah. Um, I think I remember him.” - It was probably a huge mistake for Louis to let his former One Night Stand move into his spare room, especially when said One Night Stand doesn't seem to remember him.

☆ head head heart by turnyourankle 12k

After Dunkirk has wrapped filming, Harry struggles with his inability to reach subspace. He tries taking the matter in his own hands before Louis intervenes with a plan of his own.

☆ i got my eyes on you (you’re everything that i see) by balanceds 11k

“It’s not a secret, right, Harry? All of his friends seem to know--”

Harry slumps down and starts methodically banging his head against his newsroom desk. “Niall, it is a secret from him because I have spoken a total of ten fucking words to Louis Tomlinson and also he is incredibly out of my league and probably fucking straight as well!”

Or: Harry's a first-year on the school newspaper, assigned to cover the terrible men's first football team. Louis Tomlinson is the team's star defender. Harry pays significantly more attention to Louis's arse than to writing real columns. Pretty soon, everyone notices. It takes Louis the longest.

☆ then we kiss (all i wanna do is have a good time) by orphan_account 24k

Harry shuffles further into the room, timidly taking a seat on one of the chairs set in front of Louis’ table. He keeps his eyes on the floor, fumbling for words. “Sorry, I’m just—it’s just that I’m a bit nervous. And, uh, I wasn’t really expecting for you to look so—” he cuts himself off, just in time to keep himself from saying beautiful.

“Young?” Louis guesses, and Harry just nods, going along with it. “Yeah, don’t worry. I get that a lot, mate. People don’t really expect you to be head writer at twenty-nine. They think to get the job you have to be in your forties, or something.”

So a five-year age gap. Cool.

(harry is a potential new writer for a comedy show. louis is his kind-of boss. they flirt. stuff happens.)

☆ other habits (make your pleasure your pains) by jtsbbsps_dk 19k

Freaky Friday High School AU.

Wherein Harry just wanted to have lunch with his older sister, Cal sells ice cream, Gemma has a test, Anne thinks she knows (she really doesn’t) and Fate plays match maker, because no one puts her ship off course. Louis just tries to help out his best friend's little brother while dealing with a metaphorical butterfly invasion.

☆ the boy in the pikachu pants by mrsstylinson 20k

Louis stars as the bumbling idiot who's only a bumbling idiot around Harry. Harry stars as the charming bastard who steals his heart completely. They meet in the middle of a hallway with Louis in a state of considerable undress, singing Destiny's Child at the top of his lungs. Somehow that seals it for Harry. This is the boy he was always meant to fall in love with. Louis feels the same, only slightly more defeatist. It takes them a while to figure things out.

☆ all the small things by kitundercover 20k

AU. Harry is five inches tall and can't remember how he got that way, but maybe with Louis' help they can work it out. ---

Louis stares. “You’re five inches tall,” he says finally.

“I am about that.” The tiny man agrees.

“You’ve been making strange noises and scaring the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry.” The tiny man winces.

“You’ve been breaking my things.”

“Not on purpose.”

That voice is disconcertingly deep, and Louis keeps wanting to look up and find the fully grown person that it must surely be coming from. He takes a deep breath and moves onto the next impossible point.

“You’ve been riding my rabbit,” he says.

☆ like two softened shoes by marie24 14k

He sets his laptop on the bed, backing away and running his hands repeatedly through his curls. Okay. This is okay. This is fine. This is not real.

Will peeks his head around the door frame.

“Uh, everything okay in here?”

Harry tries to keep his breathing under control. “Yeah!” he says. “It’s, um, everything’s fine!” He can hear himself talking really loudly. Will looks doubtful.

“Are you sure? Because it really seems like -”

Harry barks out a laugh, cutting him off. “Okay! So this is going to sound really strange. But.” He looks at Will, with the same shiny fringe, blue, blue eyes, and sharp cheekbones he’d been writing about the whole last week. He worries his lip frantically between his teeth. “Um. I think I… I think I… wrote you?”

Or, Harry is a writer who gets through his writer’s block by pouring his feelings for his best friend Louis into a character. A few days later, the character lands in his bed, three dimensional and with no idea how to get back where he came from. He turns out to be very inconvenient for keeping Harry’s feelings to himself.

☆ ready to fall by whoknows 21k

“Ninety and rising,” Nick says triumphantly, as though making Harry’s heartbeat pick up by thrusting an obscenely attractive person in front of his face is any kind of success. “Louis Tomlinson has just walked into our control room and suddenly our dear Harry Styles has lost all ability to speak. Could this be some kind of strange coincidence?”

“I hate you,” Harry hisses, forcing his eyes back into Nick’s direction, uncaring that the mic must have picked it up. “I thought we agreed that you were going to play fair.”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nick denies, except he’s holding up a picture of Louis’ face now, sharp cheekbones prominent, soft lashes nearly sweeping against his cheeks as he looks down, and his fucking mouth –

“A hundred and two!” Nick crows, all but clapping his hands together in glee. “The highest it’s ever been!”

“To be fair, I did bend over the desk on purpose,” Louis’ voice comes crackling in the headphones. Harry practically breaks his neck whipping his head around at the sound of it, gaping at him through the glass panel. “You can’t really blame him for getting a little excited about that, can you?”

☆ gnossienne by pukeandcry 11k

Louis sets a challenge for himself; it gets a bit out of hand.

☆ tonight’s not over (come over and stay) by louistomlinsons 17k

Zayn doesn’t say anything for a moment, pausing and worrying at his bottom lip. Finally, he asks, “Have you heard that Cox guy is coming out with a new song?” Louis freezes, fingers hovering over his keyboard where they had been typing his password. “No, I hadn’t,” Louis says truthfully. “Where did you hear that?” “Tell anyone this and I’ll kill you, but I’d consider myself a big fan,” Zayn says. His face doesn’t change in expression, completely serious as he admits this to Louis. “Big fan? Like run a blog and everything?” or, harry is a famous singer and louis is a student who just wants to write his novel

☆ a love that feels this right by dontlethimgo 14k

As always, the classic high-school rumour mill is never completely reliable. Sure, there are those stories that fly around that turn out to be true—like the one about Niall getting with a model at a party a few months ago (which Louis still struggles to believe)—but this ‘rumour’ has so many versions, and none of them are actually right.  

The Sixth Form AU where Louis is the footie team captain, Harry is head boy, and no one at school has any idea that the two of them are in love.

☆ put your head on my shoulder by wayfared 18k

Niall gives Harry until the end of marching season to either a) make a move on Louis Tomlinson or b) get the fuck over him. Either is easier said than done. Basically, your High School AU with a drum beat.

☆ some nights i’m scared you’ll forget me by pukeandcry 15k

Zayn stifles a groan. He’s not terribly surprised -- Harry’d been mooning over Louis since the day they met three years ago when Zayn had moved into the house next to him -- but he’d been hoping that Harry would eventually get over it and redirect his attention to someone else. This development does not bode well for that turn of events, though. (High School AU)

note: this is zayn’s pov and has a decent amount of ziall and a lot of zarry friendship if i remember!

☆ oh how i hate this red string of fate by calamityk 14k

Harry thought being able to see people’s strings die would be the worst thing about his gift, until at twenty-two he finally met the other end of his own. --------- Or that soulmate AU where Harry can see the red strings of fate that tie everyone together.

☆ smoke dreams from smoke rings by objectlesson 18k

“When I get a craving?” Louis says, “You have to help me chase it away. Distract me”

Oh. Harry can think of about one hundred different ways to distract Louis Tomlinson. One hundred better uses for his mouth, for example. “Erm,” he squeaks, well aware of the fact that he's grinning and dimpling and blushing all at once, his whole face a suddenly mortifying warzone of transparent emotion. “How?”

“By hitting my arm as hard as you can,” Louis announces, holding out the arm in question. It bridges the gap between them, stiff and expectant, and Harry stares, not entirely sure if Louis’s being serious, if this is some prank that he isn’t clever enough to understand, or if the promise of touching Louis under any circumstances is so titillating that he just can’t process it. Louis rolls up the sleeve of his hoodie then, revealing his pale inner arm in maddening increments, pushing Harry somewhere between drooling and vomiting, he isn’t sure which. He just knows that his mouth is flooded, and the barely-there ghost of Louis’s veins through his skin is the prettiest thing that he’s ever seen. “Go on, hit me,” Louis orders. “Don’t be shy,”

--- or, Louis enlists Harry to help him with his bad habit.

☆ milkshake by speechless 13k

He's been saying it for years. He doesn't care that it makes Liam roll his eyes and Zayn sigh and Niall crack up. Lots of things he does get that kind of reaction from the boys anyway. Louis won't stop saying it, 'cause it's true. His milkshake does bring all the boys to the yard. It's a fact.

So the day he decides to get into Harry Styles' pants he says it again, when all three of his roommates are there to witness it. "I'll fuck him by the end of the month. You'll see."

☆ you drive me crazy (i just can’t sleep) by objectlesson 19k

The first time Louis ends up in Harry’s bed is a total accident.

☆ happily ever after by theneverending 19k

"It’s the Peter Pan that I work with most days. Harry got placed with us today and it’s really quite funny to watch him make starry eyes at Peter Pan from behind his camera. As if that would hide anything,” Niall claims with an eye roll, causing Harry to blush even harder.

“I didn’t think you’d notice,” Harry responds lamely, suddenly becoming interested in his food again.

“Harry, when you like someone, it’s written all over your face. You just kept staring at him.”

“That’s my job, I have to stare at him to make sure the photos come out nice.”

“You wouldn’t be getting defensive if I wasn’t right,” Niall rebukes, and Harry really can’t argue with that, so he lets Niall have the last word.

or, the one where louis and harry work at walt disney world, louis is a character performer for peter pan, and harry's the photographer that sometimes gets to work with him.

☆ like the stars that shined by butliamwhy 12k

Louis has stars in his eyes. Harry has known it since they were kids. They have their own tree, their own café booth, and so many years to fall in love. Perhaps a lifetime.

☆ green in the morning and blue afternoon by wildestdreams 14k

“Harry,” Louis whispered beside him.

Harry hummed, his hand coming up to stroke Louis’ back. Louis was still on top of him, his body sagging against Harry’s, heavy and warm, and Harry loved it.

“I don’t think it was a one off.”

“Me either, Lou.”

or

a Friends AU.

#fic rec #one direction #larry stylinson #mine #i feel like theres quite a bit of pwp in this one hahhahaha #40 of these oh lord #fic masterpost

[mychemicalficrecs]

Have any good killjoy fics? Thanx :)

Hi Nonny!

So the truth is: I don't read a lot of Killjoys fic.However. Going through the tags, I saw familiar names here and there. So this is a list of long-ish, finished Killjoy fics by authors I've enjoyed!

Killjoys Fics

we are not afraid (and we are not ashamed) by Trojie, Frank/Ray/Gerard/Mikey, 27k, Explicit. An ordinary skirmish in the desert with dracs leads to Frank taking the brunt of a new weapon - and ends with him pregnant, furious, and freaking out. When the shit hits the fan and he gets kidnapped and taken back for interrogation by Korse, and forced to listen to the contents of the Traffic Report, something in him snaps. This fucking dystopia has gone on too long.

Time Travel 'verse by ladyfoxxx, Frank/Gerard, Ray/Mikey, 79k, Explicit, General Audiences. In which 2005!Frank and Fun Ghoul get it on. Then Frank accidentally winds up in 2019.

Born to Motorbabies by jjtaylor, Frank/Gerard, 12k, Mature. Here's the thing with having a crush on a mysterious DJ; it's kind of an inconvenient place to hang your affections.

Kiss Me, You Animal by dear_monday, Frank/Gerard, 5k, Explicit. It totally wasn't his fault, okay? Frank would like that on record. Because it wasn't. An exploration of the complex dynamic between... oh, sod it. This is SHAMELESS KILLJOY PORN. \o/

Hold Your Heart Into This Darkness by tuesdaysgone, Korse/Gerard, Frank/Gerard, Ray/Mikey, 90k, Explicit. A Danger Days: True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys AU

Keep Running by silentdescant, Frank/Gerard, 25k, Explicit. The Killjoys love doing as much damage to BL/ind as they can, and until now, they've been lucky enough to avoid getting caught by Korse and his draculoid followers. But Korse's mission isn't to just kill them, it's to hurt them—hurt Gerard. And to do that, he uses Frank. After a traumatic, death-defying escape, Frank sets out with the guys to get revenge. In between the car chases and the gunfights, Frank has to let himself heal and figure how to return Gerard's feelings.

Ghost and Dust by Gorgeous Nerd (gorgeousnerd), Bob/Gerard, 28k, Explicit, General Audiences. Bob Bryar - also known as Spit Fire, the fifth Killjoy - should've died in the desert after Korse shot him in the head. But death isn't permanent in the zones, and rescue's nearly as ugly. When the fate of the resistance rides on Bob's shoulders, can Bob stop the mysterious enemies who anticipate his every move and cope with the mess Better Living Industries made of his life?

The Ballad of the Kobra Kid by romanticalgirl, Gabe & Mikey, 16k, Mature. You might be gone, but out here in the desert, your shadow lives on without you.

Empty Spaces by Ischa, Show Pony/Hayley Williams, Show Pony/Party Poison, 9k, General Audiences. Roughly five years in Show Pony's life. From his first love at 14, over his vow to never fall in love again to meeting Party Poison and then some more. “So, I hear you like words?” Poison asks out of the blue. Pony gives D a betrayed look. D has to fucking know that Pony isn't keen on being friends with Poison. He isn't even keen on pretending to be civil for god's sake!

Killjoys by greedy_dancer, Frank/Gerard, 7k, Teen And Up Audiences, Explicit. Gerard hasn't looked at himself properly in a while.

Bright white noise by Ischa, Party Poison/OFC, Party Poison/Pete, 12k, Explicit. Young Party Poison trying to find out who he wants to be. Ditching his fourteen year old brother, hooking up with dangerous women and catching rides with strangers. This is NOT a how Gerard became Party Poison fic. He knows that he's being a dick to her, but he feels restless and no one heard from Doctor D in weeks. It's not unusual, but Poison worries. Fuck, he thinks, he didn't worry when he was on the road and shooting at Dracs, letting Pischer fuck him and slept curled up in the backseat of her car. He misses the smell of the desert. This here isn't the desert. This is domesticated desert. It's not the same as being out there in the zones that could kill you just because you dared to step on the sand.

The Edges of This Map Have Been Burned by snarkydame, Frank/Gerard, 10k, Mature. The Killjoys took to the oceans, instead of the desert, and raid the BL/ind supply lines with only tenuous contact with the Zone Runners on land. When Gerard is lost, and taken by S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W's top captain, Korse, the crew of the Neon Angel have to get him back. Whether or not they'll get him back whole. . .

Keep The Car Running by inlovewithnight, Gabe/Mikey, 27k, Mature. Disaster Boy and the Kobra Kid: a love story.

A Spark Set to Flame by turps, Gen, 15k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gerard may be free, but he's discovered freedom costs. He's holed himself up in a room that's falling apart, he's lost the man he loves, and his brother is slipping away.Now Gerard's on the verge of losing himself, unless he can somehow find the strength to fight back.

War by akamine_chan, Korse/Gerard, 7k, Explicit. Korse doesn't usually see a need to go out into the field himself, he has his Draculoids and the S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W teams for that. But sometimes there's no way to avoid it.

Better Now Than How It Used to Be by Sena, Fun Ghoul/Kobra Kid, 9k, Mature. Kobra's life is mostly stimulants and science projects -- radios and water filtration systems being the two most important. He's got his projects and his pills, has his brother and the woman whose bed his brother warms, and that's more than enough for him. He doesn't even notice the way he makes room for Fun Ghoul until it's done, until there's a spot just for him that would be cold and empty if Ghoul ever walked away.

descend!verse by corruptedkid, Fun Ghoul/Party Poison, 133k, Teen And Up Audiences. Better Living didn't keep Party Poison alive as a kindness. "Rehabilitation," they called it. Slowly eating away at his identity, removing all the pieces they didn't like, then filling in the gaps until he was a normal, healthy citizen. But while they could silence his mind, there would always be music in his heart. There would always be a spirit that couldn't be crushed by pills or empty words. Even if Poison wasn't Poison anymore, he couldn't stop fighting if he tried.

Lost & Searching by wakingup, Lindsey/Laura Jane Grace, 10k, Not Rated. The Zonerunner pushed up into a sitting position, long legs bent in front of them. She couldn’t see their face because of their motorcycle helmet—a red anatomical skull painted on the side of it—all she could see was long brown hair spilling over their shoulders. Over the mouth of the helmet was painted “DEVOUR” in the same bright red. Lindsey felt goosebumps rise along her spine.

#fic rec list #killjoys #danger days #frank/ray/gerard/mikey #frank/gerard #ray/mikey #korse/gerard #bob/gerard #gabe & mikey #show pony/party poison #party poison/pete #gabe/mikey #fun ghoul/kobra kid #fun ghoul/party poison

[not-poignant]

I’m sure there are other factors contributing to your lack of motivation but gosh going off the word count you say you achieve? I’d hazard a guess a massive cause of your slump could be burnout plain and simple? No matter how much I love doing something if I do it too much I’ll lose all motivation and need to take a break sooner or later. Either way, hope the words come back to you when they’re ready 💕 please don’t force yourself, Pia the wonderful human deserves a break ! Wishing you the best

Mmm, possibly, but I don’t think it’s wordcount as much as everything else. For the past few years I’ve been able to rely on a default 25,000 words production every month as a minimum, and I didn’t go beneath that even during 6 weeks of head/neck radiotherapy last year. Like, word flow is generally pretty comfortable for me. It gets excessive when I go above about 35k, but in April I wrote 19k and this month I’ve only managed 23k before not being able to write.

There were other big factors that actually directly contributed to burnout this time which included:

* Some difficult interpersonal stuff* Going through an attempted carjacking on our last day in the UK, which was a direct PTSD trigger* 6 weeks in the UK having to meet people / go to new places, which was really exhausting for my anxiety / PTSD - so just sheer exhaustion there* A friend went through major spine surgery* A family member went through major surgery* I have an upcoming head/neck MRI (next Tuesday actually) to check which - if any - of my tumours are still growing (which would be catastrophic), and if I have any new ones, and 45 minutes in the MRI machine always kind of stresses me out in advance, regardless of the potential results. In the cancer syndrome group I’m a member of, we call it ‘Scanxiety’ :D * A low background worry that I have secondary cancer (and then knowing I need to get blood tests to see what’s going on with this) - also I probably don’t, but it is actually possible, and just...yeah I need to get those bloodtests.* My Disability Pension was suspended, so I’ve had no income for 4 weeks and I had no idea when/if I would get paid again (it’s been reinstated - it was suspended because I travelled)* Too much socialising, which is my least favourite thing on the planet.

Tbh, writing is kind of a coping mechanism for me, so not being able to do it was a pretty damning sign of just how exhausted I was, because it’s the first thing I reach for when these other things are wearing me out. It doesn’t feel like a break to not write, it’s a nightmare, though I did just let it ride for the two weeks instead of forcing myself to try and write through it, which helped.

But yeah, no, life has been a tad stressful lately, I’m glad that things are sort of starting to settle back into place again, slowly but surely! I mean aside from a bunch of health stuff next week, and needing to get all of that sorted out. But a lot of the other things are calming down. Thank goodness!

These last two months will be the first time I haven’t hit minimum monthly wordcount in a long time, which is personally disappointing, but not entirely surprising. But anyway tl;dr - yes it’s burnout, but no probably not because of my wordcount. It looks high to some other people, but it’s a lot lower than some professional authors, and 25k for me is actually pretty cruisey to achieve most of the time.

#asks and answers #personal #health stuff #i've been so stressed that i'm actually #not even as stressed about the MRI as i normally would be #because there've been bigger things to worry about #also the attempted carjacking was extremely unpleasant #and i don't recommend it as far as attempted crimes go #Anonymous

[missytearex]

Hi! So I’m combining my October and November favourites here, as I never made a post for last month! Oops. Anyway, I’ve started making fic boards! I’ll link to those throughout. Here you go!

Larry

Boiling Blood Will Circulate by whoknows | @crazyupsetter (42k)

The wait isn’t long before something starts rustling in the bushes. Harry takes aim, squeezes the trigger, body moving unconsciously. They’re motions he’s done a thousand times before, and his body knows how to do it without the input of his brain now. It’s what makes him such a good shot.

He misses. The shot misses.

Something howls in the woods, a pretty clear indication that Harry hit it, but there’s no telltale sounds of a big body dropping, no animal charging out at him to take him out before he can finish the job.

Something does turn and run, though. “Fuck,” Harry spits out, scrambling to his feet and slinging the rifle back over his shoulder, giving chase. He’s not going to lose this hunt.

The trail of blood goes on longer than Harry thought it would. He doesn’t know how long he runs for, but his muscles are burning, chest heaving with exertion, until the trail just - goes dead. No more blood, just like that.

“Fuck,” Harry says.

deleted your number (so i can't call you) by tofiveohfive | @tofiveohfive (9k)

Harry wakes up to a voicemail.

It’s Saturday morning and it’s raining, a barely there drizzle. He sees the notification as soon as he picks up his phone from the bedside table, bleary eyes making it hard to distinguish the words. He’s got a few instagram mentions, a couple unread texts, but what really stands out is the “Missed Call and Voicemail”.

From Louis.

Or the ten hours before Harry comes home to Louis, and the five hours after he does.

Lilo

don't you hear me howling by theamazingpeterparker (13k) - [my board]

Liam turns and looks at him for a while. A scruffy, sleep-warm Louis Tomlinson curled up in a Star Wars blanket, asking what’s for breakfast after a night of running around the upstate forests. Werewolf or not, Liam had almost forgotten what a goddamn menace Louis Tomlinson was.

Louis has seen An American Werewolf in London enough times to know that city living isn't an ideal lifestyle for a new werewolf. He moves back home to find that Liam never left.

i'm never gonna fall (but i'm never hard to catch) by carissima (5k) - [my board]

TFLN: we were supposed to fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years

“You’re fucking ridiculous,” he mutters, hooking his fingers into the waistband of Liam’s boxers and shoving them down past his knees. He’s inordinately pleased to find Liam’s dick is just as nice as he remembers. He curls his hand around him and hums happily as Liam fattens in his grip. “You know that, right? Who cooks breakfast for their one night stand? And then washes up afterwards? I feel like I should send your mum a thank you note or something for raising such a polite young man.”

“God please don’t,” Liam says fervently.

Lirry

the stars look very different today by colourexplosion | @jessimond (5k)

Harry's an alien who blogs about aliens. Liam's a human. Or is he?

an AU

Narry

just a little rush, babe by theamazingpeterparker (10k) - [my board]

“You know everything they say about Dracula? All that stuff I wrote in my paper?” Niall asks as he rips one of the glazed donuts in half. Harry hums. “It’s all bullshit. Real vampires do tomato juice cleanses and do yoga. Fuck.”

Harry's a vampire who's awful at parallel parking, being scary, and being alone. He meets Niall walking home alone one night.

Niam

Building Castles in the Air by el_em_en_oh_pee | @dulosis (10k) - [my board]

Liam is overwhelmed by his bootcamp roommate, who is loud and friendly and so totally up-front about what he wants out of this competition.

"I plan on winning," Niall says, twenty seconds after introducing himself, slinging his duffel bag down on his bed. "Touring. Playing my guitar, you know. Selling albums. Maybe working with Justin Bieber, if I'm lucky."

Lately I've Been Taken In by el_em_en_oh_pee | @dulosis (53k) - [my board]

Niall is the youngest in family of vampire hunters that extends back, generation after generation, for the thousands of years since St. Patrick brought vampires to Ireland to get rid of all the snakes. He's been well-trained in the fine art of slaying practically his whole life, racking up over eighty kills by the time he leaves the motherland to join a boyband.

His new bandmate, Liam, swears up and down that he’s not a vampire. But Niall’s senses never lie.

Nouis

Ask If You Know The Answer by disarm_d | @onedisarmed (4k)

It takes them longer than it should to realize that something is up. Telepathy.

Zarry

baby I'll never leave if you keep holding me this way by estrella30 (10k)

“Does he have your mark?” his mum asks. Zayn shakes his head. He’d looked at Harry’s wrist explicitly for the edgings of Zayn’s family crest but couldn’t find anything. Not that that means Harry’s not the one; it might need a touch or connection to come to the surface. Zayn’s not sure he wants to find out though. He doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to know for certain.

“Ah, well. It could be coming,” she adds, and Zayn shrugs. She’s silent for another moment, before quietly adding, “You could pick him, you know.” She sounds thoughtful, distant even. Zayn wonders what she’s thinking about, what she’s remembering. “If you want to that is. I know you’ve not been looking for your mate Zayn, but maybe this was what you needed. Maybe you needed your mate to find you.”

or - Zayn is an immortal modern times non evil sexual incubus who is reluctant to find his mate. And then he meets Harry.

Ziall

our names are written with starlight by softzindagi | @softzindagi (7k) - my board

After four years of failed attempts, Niall is still hopelessly single with no match to his soulmark in sight. But just because he can’t find his soulmate, doesn’t mean he can’t find love.

Got fire for a heart, i'm not scared of the dark by geewhizmo | @sleepymouses​ (45k)

“I dunno,” Zayn mutters. “I just think you’re much more in the business of flying than falling, y’know?”

That’s not entirely true, Niall thinks. I’m falling for you, aren’t I?

*

Niall leaves home for the first time and moves to a big city. There, he meets a group of people who will shape the course of the rest of his life. He tries (and fails) not to fall in love with one of them.

Also, they all have superpowers.

Ziam

Heart of Stone, Life of Fire by SoftlyandSwiftly (96k) - [my board]

A war with the city of Banshia and its conquering King threatens all of the Cities on the continent of Kiza. Young Zayn Malik finds himself hopelessly entangled in the web of the war, his future rewritten in the span of a morning as allies and enemies shift. Traded for the promise of an ally, Zayn finds himself among the warrior tribes of the Nakizi people, where he must carve out his own place and take his fate into his own hands.

For All the Stars We Cannot See by iambluehead | @iambluehead​ (30k)

Zayn grins sheepishly, the light hitting his face and making him squint, his fingers curling around the strap of his bag and his other hand rubbing at the back of his neck, a habit of Liam’s own that he recognizes on the other boy. “Yeah,” he finally says. “Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow?” “Yeah,” Liam says, letting out the breath that he’d been holding in his lungs until it burned. “Yeah, see you then.” The door slams shut, and Liam watches him walk up to his front door, wondering what would have happened if in that moment, he would have just leaned forward and— “The boy’s in bloody love with you,” Louis says bluntly, pulling away from the house and slamming around a corner at the speed of light. “You should get over your fear of everything and just kiss him already.”

(This is the high school AU where Liam plays football and is afraid of failure until someone puts Zayn in his life and he learns to be brave. There’s music Liam’s never heard of, eventful rides home from school, and drunken toasts to the stars they can’t see from Wolverhampton.)

Zouis

all the stars were crashing by sarcangel | @sarcathlon (25k)

“We should practice,” Louis says. He’s got a faraway look in his eye that doesn’t bode well for anyone, based on Zayn’s newly-formed knowledge of Louis. “Find a place, set up a schedule, all that.”

“What?” Zayn says, not sure where the conversation is exactly headed anymore.

“You know, in a movie - like, this would be our montage sequence,” Louis says, hands everywhere, gesturing wildly. “There’d be some song playing in the background while we spar and gain strength and -”

(and lick sweat off of each other’s necks, Zayn thinks, and then you knock me to the floor and lay on me and)

“Yeah, that’d be sick,” Zayn says, instead, not knowing if he’s more surprised that anything coherent comes out of his mouth or that he’s actually agreed to Louis’ awful plan.

In A Small Town I Saw You by zouee | @louiswmalik​ (153k)

Zayn nods a few times, judging whether or not he should just fucking spit it out. He should rip off the band-aid, jump into the cold water, throw this earth-sized weight off his shoulders and look Louis in the eye. “You should’ve remembered me.” He feels like saying. “I’m the reason you couldn’t.”

~

Zayn Malik spends the past eighteen months alone - using whoever and whatever he can to take his mind off of the one person he regrets leaving - and it’s not until he finds himself residing in a small town called Hillside when he finally remembers what peace feels like. Louis Tomlinson spends the past eighteen months surrounded by people - he’s coddled, fawned over, and most sickeningly; sympathised with - until he finally breaks away from the suffocation and finds himself face to face with someone who instantly hates him. Cue: endless angst, devastation, pathetic pining and Disney references mixed together in a pot full of misunderstandings and one-sided memories. The end result is ghastly. Proceed with caution.

Gryles

hold this thread by disgruntledkittenface | @disgruntledkittenface​ (26k)

The air is heavy between them as they both watch Nick’s clumsy fingers mend the fabric. It must only take a minute, but it feels like ages. Beads of sweat form on Nick’s forehead and he can’t tell if it’s from the panic of the moment or the way the man seems to be waiting for something. He’s done a bad job of it, but finally the hem is stitched up. Nick loops the end of the thread and can’t stop himself from lightly poking the man’s skin again, next to the dark ink smudged on his hip that Nick is currently dying to ogle in full, just to… see.

The man shudders this time and luckily Nick is still looking down or he would have missed the man’s cock very clearly twitch in his bloody loose trousers.

Fucking hell.

On his way to visit Henry getting ready for his London Fashion Week show, Nick bumps into a (stupidly pretty) model and pulls a loose thread on the sample he’s wearing. Horrified, Nick tries to mend the simple mistake, but it may just unravel into the best thing that ever could have happened to him.

Tomlinshaw

Lost and Found by shiftylinguini | @shiftylinguini​, Writcraft | @writsgrimmyblog​ (31k)

In a year when things are coming to an end for Nick, an unexpected chapter begins at the start of a long, hot summer.

An accidental romance in Malta. Featuring Annie on the decks, Nick and Louis below deck, a handful of bad nautical puns and weather that's far too hot for trackies.

OT5

The Youth Branch of Magical and Fairy Tale Creatures and Beings Anonymous (Volume One) by sunsetmog | @magicalrocketships​ (5k) - [my board]

Sometimes trying to pass for human is hard. Monthly meetings of the Youth Branch of Magical and Fairy Tale Creatures and Beings Anonymous offers them the chance to be themselves, have an agenda, and work on some life goals. Just so long as Zayn can stop asking people to marry him after just one kiss, Harry can turn his Veela powers down, Louis can stop pre-emptively trying to usurp the god of mischief, and Niall can stop turning things into scythes. Liam just wants some orange squash and a biscuit.

steal my heart tonight by ThankYouMerlin | @thankyoumerlin​ (40k)

Niall rips off his ski mask, it was cliche and stupid (and totally Harry’s idea) anyway. “This is my mission.”

“We know,” Liam says, pulling his own mask off. Niall thinks they’re all wrapped a bit too much around Harry’s finger, maybe. “We just like watching you work.”

or,

An OT5 international thieves AU that contains very little actual stealing because I have no idea how to break into vaults in real life and lots of friendship and feelings from five boys in love.

Lilourry

only because you know (that you wanna feel the same) by words_unravel (34k) - [my board]

Liam may be able to catch glimpses of the future, but he never saw this coming.

Shiall

After All, You're My Wonderwall by alienharry | @aceniall (7k)

Guitar Prick: best eagles song, hands down, is peaceful easy feeling. they knew their stuff.

And Niall can't hold in his outrage. He's pissed. The Eagles are his thing, and how dare Shawn think he can message Niall, only nineteen years or so of experience under his belt, and shove his shitty musical concepts and overall terrible taste in Niall's face.

Niall: victim of love is clearly their best song. ya really ought to get your head out of your ass and educate yourself before running your mouth lad.

-

Niall's used to being the center of attention, so when a bright, musical boy with a charming smile starts routinely stealing his spotlight, he decides then and there to do everything in power to put an end to it.

#monthly favourites #fic rec #my recs #one direction #my lists

[hrrytomlinson]

here are a bunch of fucking fantastic fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of october. I recommend that you read these great fics in november, if you haven’t already!! also check out the Reverse Big Bang and 31 Days of Smut!

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)

1. Damn the Dark, Damn the Light 20k

“Why is this face of beauty ringing so true?” The genuine confusion in Harry’s voice causes Louis’ chest to painfully twinge. “You’re a complete stranger in my eyes, William Shakespeare, but not in my heart. How is that possible?”

Louis wants to live out every romance plot he has ever written in his own life. He wants to be the protagonist of his own narrative, the hero who finds true love and gets his happy ending. Instead, Louis is stuck with only dreaming of such wild fantasies and writing them down. He can create entire romances in his dreams, yet he can never live one.

2. Threadbare 20k**

Harry Styles was eight years old when Louis Tomlinson kept him from falling into a machine in a Manchester textile mill. He was 18 years old when nothing, not even the threat of death, could keep Harry from falling in love with Louis.

3. Don’t Come Down 6k

Louis takes Harry home to meet the family.

4. I’ll Take Your Pain 2k*

Or, soulmates have the ability to feel each other's pain, and Harry finds his after getting his arse waxed.

5. We'll Never Be Lonely in the Dark 6k

Detective Louis Tomlinson keeps getting blocked when he tries to use his psychic gift to locate a missing child. One late night he manages to get through but instead of finding who he's looking for he lands in the bedroom of a mysterious man.

Harry Styles, nursing student, baker, and all around exhausted medium, thinks he's having the best sex dream he's ever had when his fantasy man shows up in his subconscious. But is that really what's going on?

6. Aquarius 6k

Louis realises he's slept with a man of every star sign except for Aquarius, and that just won't do.

7. Forget-Me-Not 26k**

“I- I can't move” the elder one finally croaked out, and with more distress Harry came to see that the vines had wrapped itself around the lad's ankles.

With a dumb nod Harry took a couple of steps forward. He could see Louis flinch with his sudden movement but he tried not to think about it. Instead, he lifted his hands, and tried his best to concentrate, hoping his power would listen to him just this once around the other man and untie him.

Ever so slowly, the vines started to detach themselves from Louis's calves, and soon enough, the man was free. With shaking legs, Louis stood up from the position he was in, and suddenly the air around them got thicker. “You're- you're a witch.” Louis hissed under the harsh wind, making Harry flinch at the accusation in his voice.

Or, where Harry had something he did not wish to have. Louis was just trying to figure him out.

8. Gem and the Hunters: The Treasure of Babylon 34k**

Louis Tomlinson wished, for one thing, his whole life: to find the ancient city of Babylon. After one failed attempt, he swore to never again attempt a search for the city. His friend, Niall Horan never pushed the issue, but when his family finds themselves in trouble, Niall’s only option is to convince Louis to try and find Babylon again.

Niall enlists the help of two famous treasure hunters: Harry and Gemma Styles and their friend Liam Payne. Harry and Gemma love ancient cultures as much as Louis and would give anything to find Babylon. Liam is just along for the ride, running from a shade in his past.

The five embark on the adventure of a lifetime… and find much more than any of them bargained for.

9. I Never Did Believe in the Ways of Magic (Through I’ve a Feeling It’s Time to Try) 54k*

Louis can’t shake the feeling that there’s something in the woods, pressing close and watching him with a heavy gaze. It makes him antsy, fills him with jitters. He wants to run, or scream, but he knows to do so would only put him in danger if there’s actually something out there after all. He’s sure he’s just imagining it, but his heart nevertheless pounds in his throat.

When Louis Tomlinson goes on a songwriting retreat to the Laurentian Mountains of Canada, this isn't how he expects his evening to go.

Or the au where Louis is a singer who has been cursed to never make music again and Harry is a reclusive witch of the Canadian mountains who's going to help him break the curse.

10. Cancel Your Reservations, No More Hesitations 10k

Louis still has his eyes on the bill when he barges into Harry’s room without knocking because he doesn’t want to get evicted and the smell hits him first.

It’s overly sweet and unnatural, and his stomach drops because it smells like an omega. Louis eyes widen and he looks up and - Harry’s on his hands and knees, a half spilled bottle of synthetic omega slick next to him and a huge, knotted dildo pressing into his hole. Harry’s face is flushed and he looks fucked-out and -

“I’m sorry!” Louis squeaks out and quickly backtracks, face red, because he wasn’t supposed to see that and Harry’s an alpha but he - Louis isn’t going to judge him.

Louis is an alpha and so is Harry, but Louis helps him through his rut anyway.

11. Foothold 18k

Louis has crossed the galaxy with a ship full of crystals; they’re the only thing he has to offer in exchange for safe harbor. He thought getting to his destination would be the hardest part, hoping that once he got his family to safety everything would fall back into place; Louis struggles to adapt while his sisters thrive. Louis suspects Emperor Styles may have something to do with it.

12. Don’t Want Shelter 76k*

Louis and Harry have known each other all their lives. Friends as children, they danced around each other as teenagers, and have spent the last twenty-five years either screaming at each other or not speaking at all. Except for that one time ten years ago…

When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families' old vacation home that they begrudgingly co-own.

During the storm, and in the months after, they’re both forced to reevaluate their history and what they mean to each other.

13. Wasted Like a Memory 4k

Six years before Hurricane Nicole forces Louis and Harry together, Fizzy gets married. Harry wrestles with reconciling the different versions of Louis he knows. (Part of Don’t Want Shelter)

14. Taste and Plead 3k

Or, the one where Harry wants something, and Louis' never been one to deny his boy anything.

15. Home For Christmas 22k**

The Shameless Hallmark Movie AU you probably didn't ask for.

Or, the one where Harry didn't think he wanted a family, but with a little Christmas magic (and maybe one Louis Tomlinson) he realizes that he is very, very wrong.

16. A Million Stars 2k

Louis watches Harry perform at the Tower Theater, and the events of the night unfold in an unexpected manner.

17. No One Like You 19k**

Where Liam and Niall are art historians discovering the truth about two nineteenth century painters on opposite sides of an artistic divide.

18. Howls Like A Beast (You Flower, You Feast) 16k*

France, 1754. Château de Versailles.

“You don’t love me,” Louis had said, utterly blasé as he callously fractured the heart of a Harry that was just barely eighteen.

“I do,” Harry had insisted pleadingly, green eyes already watering.

Louis had rolled his eyes, exasperated and flippant in the way only beautiful, young boys could be when faced with the affections of a baby prince. He had run his finger down Harry’s cheek then, had forced him to look into his eyes as he delivered the final blow.

“You’ll change your mind once you’ve seen more of the world,” Louis had teased, pressing a brutally delicate kiss onto Harry’s lovely, pure cheek. “Once you’ve been properly defiled.” He had whispered filthily, delighted by the gasp he heard, the frantic pink blush that had rested high on Harry’s cheeks, the power he had felt at knowing he could make the Crown Prince squirm.

19. You Flower, You Feast 18k**

He's King of the Underworld, but don't assume Louis has it all. He could stand for some excitement in his monotonous, eternal life and maybe, even.....a soulmate.

(Despite not having a soul.)

And along came "Harry".

20. The Dead Things We Carry 25k*

September ‘49

He hasn’t seen him since that day in France, that horrible muddy day where for one terrifyingly long second, Louis really thought he was going to die. He winces with the phantom pain, the hand not holding his cane going to his stomach automatically, remembering the franticness, the tenderness, of Harry’s hands while Louis was bleeding out. This is the man who saved Louis’ life.

For one second, Louis fears Harry won’t recognise him, but his eyes widen when he turns to his left and they meet Louis’. He takes a step forward, reaching for him with a shaky hand before stopping himself.

“Louis,” Harry says with a shudder and Louis doesn’t think his name has ever carried more weight. This is the only man Louis ever thought about kissing for real.

“Oh,” Mrs. Padley says, clearly taken aback. “You two know each other?”

There are some things people never fully come home from. Until, one day, if they’re lucky, home comes to them.

21. Do You Like My Sweater 13k

When Harry's alpha fraternity decides to host a Sadie Hawkins dance, outspoken omega Louis has a thing or two to say about it.

22. Yellow 84k**

The city of Gotham turns blood red with a new, mysterious criminal element, a beautiful woman named the Blind Cupid. She threatens to tear the fabric of the city apart, aided by her deadly protégé, the Cat. Can Batman stop them? Will he resist the bewitching allures of the Cat?

A Batman/ Catwoman AU

23. Things That Go Hump in the Night 6k

Louis goes camping. Something horrible happens. Louis is miserable.

It’s science.

24. This Thing Upon Me (Howls Like a Beast) 8k

Harry and Louis weren’t meant to be together. They’d met when they were put together through their university’s AO MatchUp, a program that set up alphas and omegas based on the schedules of their ruts and heats so they had someone to help them through it. It was pure luck that they were put together.

25. Hands Clasped Tight 44k**

Or the one where Harry and Louis are high school teachers and their students have been playing matchmaker for over a year. Little do they know, Harry and Louis are already married.

26. And the Truth Shall Set You Free (...Maybe) 17k

Betism: A religion based on the belief that the beta gender has been chosen by God to protect and defend the purity and dignity of the human race by resisting and condemning the lustful ways and flawed biology of the alpha and omega

Harry is a Betist and Louis is an alpha who runs with a bad crowd. This is what happens when two worlds collide.

27. (We Will Be) As If Chosen 35k**

There's not a royal in the world who doesn't carry some sort of secret, and Prince Louis has more than his fair share. To protect himself and his family, Louis withdrew from the public eye and tried to live a quiet life, biding his time until his sister Lottie could take the throne in his stead. Unfortunately for him, the national media and the worst person Louis has ever met team up to bring him kicking and screaming back into the spotlight.

Under the watchful eyes of millions, Louis has to figure out how to keep his carefully constructed house of cards from falling, and the first step to accomplishing that is to keep from falling in love with the irritatingly charming Prince Harry, who just won't stop showing up and trying to whisk Louis out of the constraints of his boring life.

Or: the course of true love never did run smooth, because sometimes people are stubborn and sometimes people are scared and sometimes, just sometimes, love can cause just as many problems as it solves.

28. It’ll Be 13k

Louis has always wanted children and he decides he's done waiting for love to come first. However, after adopting a baby girl just days after she's born, he quickly realizes how hard parenting is. Louis hires Harry to be his Nanny, and it all works out great. Until Louis falls in love with him.

#monthly rec #mine #fic rec #SOOOOOO MANY GOODIES #read these ASAP #i would tag all the fics like i usually do #but #there are so many so i'll tag some prominent ones #don't want shelter #yellow #threadbare #home for christmas #the dead things we carry #gem and the hunters #forget me nots #uh #i have a bad memory and I'm too lazy to scroll up #hands clasped tight #larry fic #larry fic rec #larry stylinson #harry styles #louis tomlinson #niall horan #zayn malik #liam payne

[masslessobtrusion]

I have moved upstairs out of the modly basement onto a couch. I have asked people to use other doors because my brother was walking through here 10-15 times a night to smoke cigs and drink beers in the garage.  This confirmed my fears of the cat getting out in the garage. It has been happening for months. I made a huge deal out of this. How this is a huge fear of mine and my brother knew it was happening for months. So, now that door is off limits to use. He admitted it when I realized the cat was stuck out there one day. The first night I slept up here.  I fixed my Dad’s computer. The start menu wasn’t working and it was filled with mal-ware. All of his accounts are corrupted. He doesn’t understand things like where to search.  He was watching a motorcycle video and there was a cyclist on the road. He said “look at that stupid f@$ot!I I hope he fucking dies!”. He has always hated cyclists for some reason. Even when I was little he used to buzz by them and joked about how he wanted to put a boxing glove on a tomato stake to hit them while they are riding the bikes because he has to swerve around them sometimes. It’s the strangest thing. It’s another example of the insane road rage he experiences every time he drives or goes somewhere. Today when I was fixing my computer I was just saying things about how I like a YouTube channel. I was fixing his computer. It took about 20-30 minutes and I was making food while doing it. I asked to watch a video about motorcycles I thought would be informative for him and he snapped at me to just go outside and shoot your ball! It’s so fucking weird. Watching a news story, “he screams, I hope someone shoots that fucking n-word! hahaha”. I lived in Boulder for 10 years and there was a mass shooting at a grocery store I frequented. My Dad was laughing at the “rich assholes” getting shot and said it’s probably fake. He’s truly a distrubed piece of shit. I have reached out to another friend from my past. Ashley.  She talked about how she should be making $25k more a year at her high paying corporate job. I’m like. Yeah, I can’t get a doctor to take me seriously because of my drug history. It was still nice to talk to someone. I talked to Arielle and have been laying off texting her.  I have an appointment with a doctor on the 22nd. I have been very healthy lately. Exercising everyday by playing basketball. Vitamins, vitmain d, only a few diet sodas, water ,metamucil, light snakes. I’m at a weight where I can start to get really strong again.  I haven’t smoked weed in weeks. I just make edibles and a gram lasts me 3-4 days.  I’ve been thinking about dating lately. I’ve been getting hornier. Arielle sent me a picture the other day, and god damn she looks so good.  I don’t know what it is about her. She’s beautiful by any standard. But not like super model hot. But her body is very fit. She has a great smile. Some of the best braids I’ve ever seen when she breads her hair. She would rarely wear a bra and she has very aesthetically pleasing nipples.  I told her a story about how I saw a girl from a block away in 2015 and made sure to make a u-turn on my motorcycle close to where she was standing to check her out. I told her this, but left this part out, but I could see her nipples through her shirt from that far away, lol. That’s like one of my biggest turn-ons. I said she was wearing a kind of see-through shirt. When I got closer, I realized it was her and was like oh shit, I hope she doesn’t recognize me. But she had only seen my red bike, this was a green on I had just bought was dating Lauren and she was with her boyfriend. I texted her a week later to confirm it was her. But yeah.  That means I’m getting healthier, because I’m getting hornier. Arielle is like the perfect kind of girl to me. It has been a weird relationship. I’d be hesitant to tell her I love her, she doesn’t feel that way towards me. We dated in 2011 and 2013. She’s beautiful but she dresses down and never wears makeup, so it doesn’t attract every eyeball/douchebag in the room trying to neg you and fuck her. If she cared about me as much as I could care about her. She could’ve helped me earlier. I twisted her arm into it. I’m not sure if it’s real. Or if she’s just fearful of me. She says it’s real.  I’m still hacking up black stuff. I took the antibiotics as prescribed. I have a doctors appointment on the 22nd to see what the issue is. Depending on that. I’m going to have to make a next move. I said to my Dad, depending on the diagnosis. I may have to fly to England or something. He scoffed “ha, that aint happening!”. Also, I picked up 10 2mg kpins. I am going to take them responsibly. I took half of one today. About to pop a half right now. This will get me through to the 22nd for the doctors appointment.

#raised by narcissists #recovery #abusive parents #borderline #bpd #heroin #xanax

[devonrunning]

Jack & Jill Marathon Training Week 2: It Feels Easy Now

This was the kind of week I had hoped for in week one: straightforward, uneventful and—dare I say it?—easy.

Most of my running was at a relaxed pace; my speed workout felt really short; pushing my 30-pound kid in the running stroller one day felt pretty effortless; and my long run was mentally challenging due to the conditions, but definitely not the worst long run ever.

It feels easy now. I know it won't feel that way for long, so I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

I'm trying not to make the mistake of running too fast, too often, which is a mistake I've made plenty of times before. The only runs I'm trying to work really hard during are my Thursday speed workouts and Saturday marathon-pace runs (although they're not every Saturday; this week was an off week). Every other run—especially my long runs—I'm going easy.

It seems like a counterintuitive method for getting faster, but I've read enough articles (like this one) to convince me it's worth a shot. I've never tried it before, and I've never made huge leaps in my marathon finish times before, so why not? Plus, I've never run six days a week for a marathon training cycle before. I need to take it easy at the very least to avoid burning out partway through.

Not every run feels like a sweaty, breathless, confidence-boosting rush of endorphins—and that's OK. I'm focusing on being patient, sticking to my strategy, and really going for it when it counts.

MONDAY: 3-mile easy run at 9:06 average pace.

I used to take Mondays off running to recover from my Sunday long run, but now I do a short recovery run instead. I don't think I could run fast on Mondays even if I tried. ☺ My friend Stephanie had five miles to do, so I joined her for the last three. Her first marathon is on April 21—so soon! I'm so excited for her. I also lifted weights and did some ab exercises.

TUESDAY: 5-mile easy run at 9:08 average pace.

I haven't run with headphones since I very first began running in 2010, but for some reason on this day, I didn't think I could get through these slower miles without something to entertain me. I listened to my friend Ali's podcast, The Ali on the Run Show, which I've become obsessed with. She interviews a great mix of pro runners, regular runners, celeb runners (like Andrea Barber, aka Kimmy Gibbler!), doctors, nutritionists and more. Ali is one of those people who can chat with anyone and make it fun and engaging, so listening to her show on the run is sort of like listening to a good conversation while running with friends. I ran on a gravel trail, and the show was a million times better to listen to than the crunch, crunch, crunch of my footsteps.

WEDNESDAY: 3-mile easy treadmill run at 9:15 average pace.

When I was dealing with my foot pain last week, one of the things I thought might help was replacing my orthotic insoles. I was originally fitted for them at a running store in Colorado, where we went on vacation last summer, because I had packed my running shoes but not my insoles. Anyway, I ordered those same insoles from Amazon, and realized when they arrived that there was an option to heat them up in the oven and mold them to my feet! (Or you can just let them mold to your feet over time, but where's the fun in that?) I followed the directions, then did a super-easy treadmill run in my freshly baked soles. They feel great so far, and this method was definitely cheaper than having custom insoles made at Road Runner Sports, which is what I used to do. That costs $80 now! Noooo thank you.

THURSDAY: 4-mile tempo run at 8:34 average pace.

It was super rainy, but also warm, so I wound up ditching my jacket midway through and just getting soaked during this run. That was no big deal, but maybe it was being too warm/messing with my jacket that made me feel a little off. I spent the 15 minutes of running at tempo pace (7:50ish) doubting that it was fast enough for my marathon non-goal. But I ran comfortably hard at a pace I felt I could sustain, like I'm supposed to, so I don't know. I just never settled into a good enough rhythm to feel satisfied with this run.

FRIDAY: Rest.

Rest day is the best day! We got a babysitter and went out for a kid-free double date with Stephanie and her husband at The Attic. Pizza, BBQ ribs and beer, oh my.

SATURDAY: 5.3-mile run at 8:38 average pace.

Aaron went for a bike ride first thing in the morning, and I decided to attempt a stroller run with Evie since we hadn’t done it in a while. (I say “attempt” because she’s almost two... you never know what will happen with a willful toddler.) 

Luckily, she was happy as a clam for most of the run since she had a snack cup full of Goldfish and plenty of people and animals to say “hi!” to along the way. It started pouring rain about halfway through, but again, it was warm rain. I’ll take that over cold rain any day! And we literally ran into Hallie as she was heading out for her run, so we enjoyed the last two miles with her. 

SUNDAY: 11-mile long trail run at 11:51 average pace.

Speaking of pouring rain... think of the most intense, relentless rain you’ve ever seen. Now imagine that going all day long. Welcome to Sunday in the Pacific Northwest! 

I was soaked within the first five minutes of this run, and it was not warm rain. Once I got onto the actual trail in the woods, the trees helped a little to mitigate the downpour, but not as much as I’d hoped. I also climbed nearly 2,200 feet, so it got reallyyyyy cold as I neared my 5.5-miles turnaround point and my hands went numb. I think it’s time to invest in some lightweight, waterproof running gloves! I borrowed Hallie’s for the Orcas Island 25K and they were so necessary. 

With the cold, the rain and the steep trail wearing me down, I had an internal battle with myself over whether I should keep running up the trail to hit 5.5 or turn back early and make up the mileage on the flat gravel path to the parking lot. The latter would have been easier, but I knew I’d be disappointed in myself if I chose to do that. During the Tiger Mountain Half, I won’t have the option to run some of the miles on a flatter trail. 

I’m glad I chose to push through my discomfort and keep going. It reminded me that, in addition to the physical rigor of running a race, at least half the battle—if not more—is totally mental.

Total weekly mileage: 31.3

Follow along in real time on Instagram @dev.on.running.

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

[swordarkeereon]

Live Intentionally

Each year in December, I choose a keyword or phrase that will inspire the coming year. At the end of 2018, I realized that I had lost the joy I usually found in my work. Writing had become a difficult chore that I dreaded. With that revelation, I had to stop and re-evaluate, and discover what, exactly, I had lost. Why was I dreading something that used to be my happy place? I came up with a list:

I was spending too much time on other people’s agendas instead of my own.

I was dreading the administrative work of marketing, releasing, editing etc.… but only because I was juggling that with writing, the day job, and running my local writer’s group.

I had taken on too much and it was impossible to reconcile all of it and do it all effectively.

The to-do list was so overwhelming that the writing itself was being set aside and therefore…

I was not getting the writing done that I needed to get done to create an effective (or regular) publishing schedule.

All of this was usurping the joy out of my writing. Hence my keyword for 2019 became JOY because I realized that in order to keep going and not suffer burnout, I needed to reclaim my joy. So, this past year I took on less. I stepped down from my writing group because being overwhelmed was negatively impacting my career. I took on less, and I put writing on the top of my to do list.

It took about six months, but with these small changes – I finally found my stride and reclaimed my joy.

That’s the beauty of having a keyword or phrase for the year. If you can identify what needs to change and the consequences if it doesn’t, you can create actionable steps to change it.

This goes hand in hand with the self-work of magick.  We define what needs to change (and how), then we create the actionable steps with the magick itself being a catalyst (in the form of strength and resolve, or manifesting opportunities) to help manifest the changes.

Some takeaways from reclaiming my joy in 2019 included that putting the writing first did help me write more, and only taking on what I could reasonably muster resulted in me having more time to write. Two habits I plan to continue with into 2020 so I can keep my joy going.

But over the last six months I also realized another thing: I had lost focus and direction, and as a result, even though I was writing more, I was still flailing. Despite all the planning and writing, I was not being as intentional as I could be.

For those of you who are magicians, you know that intention in magick is everything. Having clear intentions can be the difference between heading directly toward a goal or reaching that goal later, after a lot of unnecessary side trips.  This, of course, led me to 2020’s key phrase – LIVE INTENTIONALLY.

That means that aside from putting the writing first and maintaining my joy by not self-sabotaging by taking on too much, everything on my schedule in 2020 must be about living intentionally. By that, I mean putting my agendas first. On my agenda (in no particular order):

Spending quality time with friends and family.

Getting back into my daily writing habit (which is still a little hit or miss but getting better).

Writing on projects that MATTER to me and my career goals. Which means the publishing schedule is being adjusted and the projects I’m pursuing are better aligned with my goals. They’re intentional.

You’ll see more scheduled releases out of me in 2020.  I have a goal to complete Bloodlines part two and the projects I languished on in 2019. You’ll see some new series pushed forward, and other new series pushed back, which is really hard because I want to write ALL THE THINGS and release them in a timely manner, but I also know that’s not realistic. I have a speed at which I work and while I can work to increase that speed slowly, this means that I have a maximum output at my existing speed. I have to keep realistic expectations for myself and my goals. That’s the hardest part. It’s easy to say, “If I just write 2500 words a day every day, I’ll get XXX and XXX done” but the reality is that shit happens. You get a migraine. A family member has an emergency. Something else needs your attention now, not later. Shit happens and we all have to adapt to that shit while still moving forward toward our goals.

The changing writing market has forced me to put a series 8 years in the making on the back burner once again in exchange for other series’ that are more to market and timely. After all, a girl’s gotta eat, PLUS – I LOVE the new stories. Hell, I love all my stories, which is what makes it so hard to set some of them aside for a while.

I have 4 series right now that are of the utmost importance for 2020. Obviously, the Thirteen Covens. I really need to get through the final 5 covens (for Bloodlines), plus the OTS-Covens crossover, Darkness. Darkness was meant to be a 20-25K novella. It’s already hit 32K and is not finished. Writing schedule derailed. I didn’t account for the extra 20K it will take to complete this story, and if I’m doing 1500 – 2000 words a day on that story – that’s almost 2 weeks longer that it will take to write. Sometimes stories happen in their own word count. It is what it is.

The next series is a timely Covens spinoff that I know most Coven fans are going to love. I’ll be announcing that once Cult of Lucifuge is released. The third is my Wicked Ways mini-series. I have another three to write for 2020, but they’re short (10-12K) and they’re fun. I need the lighter stuff to lighten my overall mood with all of the darker stories I’m working on. Then there’s some Anne O’Connell stuff, a new steamy PNR series I’m writing in a shared world with six other authors. You’ll be hearing more about that this coming weekend when we announce it.

Then there’s Dark Prince. I won this cover in an auction last April. Initially this was a back-burner project, but my hand was forced, and due to some circumstances in the writing world, it seemed prudent to schedule this release in the next twelve months just in case. Long story short, I didn’t want to be out the money I’d already invested in the book because money doesn’t grow on trees and nothing I buy or create (with regard to my writing) should go to waste.

I think you’ll agree — especially with a cover like that. You’ll likely see the description blurb being updated throughout the year just because I’m not quite happy with it yet, and I’m not sure it captures the essence of the whole story right now. I still want to finish Tales from Black Lily and 7 Lustful Sins. Both are SO CLOSE to being done. Then there’s the S. Connolly stuff. I have 6 projects in the works there, and I’d like to release at LEAST one of them in 2020. Hopefully they’ll be worth the wait.

But right now, I’m fixated on fiction. I have 2020 releases already scheduled for January, April, May, July, August, October and November because I’ve made firm commitments to them, and Amazon is not forgiving to those who miss release dates on pre-orders. All of these are pre-order books. Which means Covens will still release as I finish them. I am looking into to pre-releasing the Thirteen Covens spinoff, too.

One of the challenges I’ll be facing is multi-tasking. With such a vigorous schedule, I’ll need to simultaneously write on one project and edit on another on dedicated writing days.  I haven’t been very good with that. (At this point, both of my January releases are in editing. Thank the gods.)

It also means I can’t slack on day job days. Whether I work on writing or editing (whichever takes priority based on release schedule), it needs to be done every day with the intention of meeting deadlines. I am also doing a rebrand of the OTS series in January. I think you’ll love the new look.

That said – I sincerely hope you all stick around for the ride! I have some fun stuff coming! 😊  Thanks so much for reading and I hope you are all having a fantastic December.

#changes #Joy #living intentionally. #new projects

[thenatureofpages]

5 Reasons You Should Consider Participating in NaNoWriMo

Leaves are changing colors, the air is crisp, and pumpkin spice lattes are available to the masses. Do you know what that means?

NaNoWriMo season is almost upon us!

That’s right – the nonprofit writer’s program National Novel Writing Month, commonly known as NaNoWriMo – is getting closer!

“Wait,” you might be saying, “What exactly does this mean?”

WELL! Allow me to tell you!

National Novel Writing Month is a writing challenge in November with a simple goal: write 50,000 words of a novel in 30 days.

NaNo is also far more than that – it’s a community, it’s a way of life, it’s – okay, I’m probably getting ahead of myself. I’m just really passionate about the program – in fact, I even wrote my college admissions essay on the life-changing power of NaNoWriMo!

1. Having a Deadline is Incredibly Motivating!

I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but if you are, then you struggle with procrastination. A lot. If procrastination were a major, I’d have a Ph.D. in the study. Yet every year when NaNoWriMo season rolls around, I find myself eager to write and hit my daily word count goal. I’ll wake up early, go to bed late, and even get my regular work done faster to have more time to write. The NaNoWriMo website also provides you with badges as you hit specific landmarks – your first 25k, writing for 10 days in a row, etc. – which I love to try and collect throughout the month.

2. A Sense of Community!

This is one of my absolute favorite parts on NaNoWriMo – the community! Currently, the site boasts over 370,000 participants between the Young Writer’s Program and the main NaNoWriMo program! Every November, Twitter, Bookstagram, and BookTube is flooded with posts and #WIP updates for WriMos to encourage, inspire, and support one another! The NaNoWriMo website also hosts forums for writers to flock together and form a community. I found some of my best friends through their website and am still heavily involved in local events too!

That’s right – not only is there an online community, but there are also offline ones as well! Most cities host NaNoWriMo events put together by your local Municipal Liaisons – MLs for short. Depending on your location, libraries, coffee shops, and bookstores have been known to hold NaNoWriMo meetings for writers to gather and participate in word wars and chat about your book. It’s a blast!

3. No Time for Doubt!

The basis of NaNoWriMo is writing 50k in 30 days – this means you’re writing 1,667 words every day. If you’re a fast writer, this might be easier for you, but it’s definitely not for me! This will be my fifth year participating in the annual event, yet the word count still catches me every time! When you’re writing so many words per day, you don’t have time to stop and edit what you’ve written! There’s no time for writer’s block! If you want to make it to the finish line and claim sweet, sweet victory, you have to trudge through it one foot – or word – in front of the other. Eventually, the writer’s block or problem-scene will end, and it’ll become smoother sailing once more.

For those of us who struggle with self-doubt or perfectionism, this is also super helpful. I tend to go back and fret over my writing style, “is this too trope-y?”, and all the lovely fears caused by our inner editors. During NaNoWriMo, I have an excuse to say, “Nope! I’ll deal with that in December! For now, just write!”

4. Author Pep Talks!

Look, if you haven’t read the NaNoWriMo author pep talks, you’re sorely missing out. My personal favorite is Lemony Snicket’s, written entirely in satire. I crack up and get inspired every time I read it! If irony isn’t really your cup of tea, they have tons of other pep talks cataloged in their archives, and new ones are sent out during NaNo season!

Here are several of my favorite pep talks given in the past few years:

Brandon Sanderson, Erin Morgenstern, Gail Carson Levine, Holly Black, James Patterson, Jenny Han, John Green, Kate DiCamillo, Maggie Stiefvater, Marie Lu, Marissa Meyer, Meg Cabot, Neil Gaiman, Rainbow Rowell, Scott Westerfeld, Stephanie Perkins, Veronica Roth, and Lindsey Grant.

5. YOU WRITE A FREAKING NOVEL!!

There is absolutely no better feeling in the world than this:

You’ve been writing nonstop for the last 29 days. The end of your novel is in sight – you’ve been through ups and downs with your characters, you’ve cried with them (or because they refuse to stick to your outline), you’ve plowed through writer’s blocks, and you stuck with it for an entire month.

And here it is.

Stare at those words for a moment.

The End.

You’ve written a novel. A NOVEL! It might be terrible – goodness knows some of my NaNoWriMo drafts are so awful that I have to laugh at myself – but you’ve done it. You wrote a novel. You’re a novelist. A writer. An author – published or not, it doesn’t matter. You’re an author to a first draft.

“But Ally…”

“But Ally…I just don’t have the time to write a novel.”

This is by far the most common reason I hear from people for not participating in NaNoWriMo – and who can blame them? Life gets in the way!

I totally understand – but it’s only for thirty days! After the month you can go back to the sanity of having free time – but for NaNo, we buckle down, we prioritize, and we drink our caffeine by the gallon.

The best advice I ever heard for this problem comes from Chris Baty, the founder and former executive director of the program. He’s written three books about NaNoWriMo and started off the whole event in 1999.

Write in the small moments.

Can you wake up twenty minutes earlier? Go to bed ten minutes later? Write during your lunch break? Jot down snippets on the ride home from work? It’s incredible how many small moments you can find when you prioritize your writing and how much they add up!

“But Ally…doesn’t quality matter more than quantity?”

This is definitely the second most common reason I’ve heard for being nervous about participating in NaNo. The naysayers insist that writing so many words in a month creates a chaotic mess of words with no real quality in writing (no, honestly, I’ve heard someone say this).

Yes, I’ll admit – my drafts are a chaotic mess of words. They’re messy, wonderful, sometimes rambly first drafts that absolutely suck – isn’t that beautiful? First drafts are allowed to be terrible. Usually, they aren’t all too bad – there’s enough to go off of for a second draft. Then maybe a third. Then a fourth, and soon enough, you’re well on your way to getting ready to query for an agent.

Don’t believe me? Check out some of these novels that started off as NaNoWriMo projects:

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

Wool by Hugh Howey (soon to be a movie!)

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen (already a movie starring Robert Patterson and Reese Witherspoon!)

The Beautiful Land by Alan Averill

Cinder, Scarlet, and Cress by Marissa Meyer (all three NaNoWriMo projects went on to become best-selling books!)

That’s a pretty dang successful list right there. I think it speaks for itself – NaNoWriMo clearly doesn’t skimp on quality for quantity.

I hope this blog post has been enough to convince you to start thinking about joining NaNoWriMo! I’ll let you in on a closing secret:

Even if you don’t make it to 50k, you still have more words than you started with!

If you only manage to write 200 words during the month of November – guess what? THat’s still 200 more words than you had before NaNoWriMo! At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how fast you write or what your word count goals are – it’s that you’re writing. And having fun. And probably losing some of your sanity but that’s beside the point.

I really, really love NaNoWriMo and hope I’ll see you on the website! If you decide to join, feel free to add me as a writing buddy to get started! I’m kineticbugsy on NaNoWriMo’s website and @natureofpages on Twitter, where I screech about word wars and character aesthetics throughout the month.

Go forth and write!

Are you thinking about participating in NaNoWriMo? Are you a veteran NaNo back for another season or a newbie? Tell me about your upcoming project or feel free to drop any questions about the annual event in the comments!

TNOP out!

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#IFTTT #WordPress

[23daystotri]

Coffee is for Pussies

Wednesday 19th July

Only today and tomorrow left to train with any real intensity.

For breakfast it was the Lean Green (trumping machine) juice, a load of pills and a smoothie with oats, banana, strawberries, melon, peach, orange juice and spinach.

John was doing fitness tests today instead of Warrior fitness so we agreed I would do something more focused on my training today. I did a core workout and then went for a walk in Osgodby Woods. I walked 9.3K but did not chance running as I was really just testing my soleus, which was fine I am pleased to say.

My Chia Charge energy bars and SiS Go caffeine shots came today and I arranged to go for a bike ride to give me an opportunity to try them both out. We rode 25K with next to no elevation but it was windy and I rode in front giving my mate a tow. I had a caffeine shot before I went and it had no adverse effects during the ride. I also tried one of the energy bars, it was difficult to open while riding and seemed to crumb easily but other than this it seemed fined and again there were no adverse effects. After my ride I made a conscious effort to stretch a lot focusing on my hamstrings, which were tight before the ride. I also spent a long time foam rolling just to try and avoid tight hamstrings.

I made cod fillets for dinner with new potatoes, broccoli and corn on the cob with a garlic, parsley and butter sauce concoction. It was OK.

After dinner I decided to go to the pool to try and stretch a bit in the sauna and practice some of the swimming techniques I have been learning specifically the underwater breathing and triathlon turns whiles maintaining the same stroke and breathing. This proved difficult as there were 4 lanes today instead of 1 fast lane and a second mosh pit of beginner / intermediate swimmers. I got a few lengths in and had a sauna but realise I’ve done enough for the day and call it quits.

I returned home about 8:30 and start tidying and organising for the coming days. It dawns on me that the caffeine I took earlier is really pushing me on and that I am absolutely wired like a speed freak. I spent 3 hours on the phone to a friend whilst doing chores and I chatted absolute garbage, these things are nuts do not tell the kids about them. I could go on telling you how much stuff I got done with this stuff fueling me suffice to say I had a very productive 6 hours before finally succumbing to tiredness at am and hitting the hay. Is it wrong that I am looking forward to another one, I am finished with coffee that stuffs for pussies.

[phatjosh180]

RACE RECAP: SoCal Half Marathon

A couple weekends ago when I was running the Winter Series 15K here in Utah — I was miserable. I was freezing. I was hurting. And, I’m sure if I was out there running any longer — I would have been dead. To keep me mentally moving forward I kept chanting, “… I’m going to be running in sunny Southern California next week, I’m going to be running in sunny Southern California next week, I’m going to be running in sunny Southern California next week …”

Boy, did I ever lie to myself. It was far from sunny. Which seems oddly appropriate considering the year I’ve been having so far — but, that’s a post for another day. And, one that will probably come sooner than later. But, again, that’s a post for another day.

Anyways, since my friend Joe, who owns On Hill Events, created this race — I thought I’d go support him and make a weekend of it. Especially since my brother and his family live in Huntington Beach as well. I was looking forward from the escape that’s been a very long and cold winter for me.

  View this post on Instagram

  WE’RE GOING ON A SAFARI!!!

A post shared by They call me Josher … (@josherwalla) on Mar 1, 2019 at 1:54pm PST

I flew down on Friday morning and spent the day in San Diego at the Safari Park with his family. I even ended up buying an annual-pass (it’s like $110 for the year and $56 for the day) that’s good for both the zoo and safari park. More than anything it gives me an excuse to get myself to Southern California a couple times this upcoming year. Something I won’t  complain about.

The weather on Friday in both San Diego and Huntington Beach was pretty good. I kept my eyes on Saturday because rain was in the forecast. Being an Ogden Marathon alum — I knew that I needed to prepare for the unknown, so I packed a good windbreaker and extra clothes to change into after the race — just in case.

The — just in case — was very much needed.

  View this post on Instagram

  It’s always fun to see hometown faces in foreign places. Okay, California isn’t really foreign — but, I couldn’t find a better way to put that.

A post shared by They call me Josher … (@josherwalla) on Mar 2, 2019 at 5:12pm PST

Since my brother lived about a mile from the bus loading/finish line I was planning on just walking to the buses in the morning. But, the rain was POURING at 6am and luckily my brother gave me a ride to the buses otherwise I would have been drenched well before the race began.

As I picked up my race bib — my mental fortitude wasn’t very strong. I didn’t want to run. I kept trying to talk myself out of the half marathon and into the 10K. Heck, even the 5K or NoK even crossed my mind. But, I wasn’t going to let the rain stop me, I needed the miles for my marathon training — and I just needed to do it. As easy as that sounds.

After taking the bus to the start line (just south of Angel Stadium in Anaheim) the rain kept coming. It lightened up a bit, but it was still fairly constant. A number of runners just didn’t show up (probably 50 no-shows for the half marathon) and the crowd was a bit thin. But, there was still excitement in the air to run — even me.

  View this post on Instagram

  ⚾️♥️⚾️💙⚾️

A post shared by They call me Josher … (@josherwalla) on Mar 2, 2019 at 5:14pm PST

After munching on my breakfast of cheese and nuts, I followed the crowd and go ready to get going for the 8:30am gun time. After a couple pictures with local Utah running friends we were off. I felt fine during the first quarter of a mile, but as we got to the turnaround on the river trail near the Stadium — it struck.

The gut.

I ended up losing my breakfast.

I usually don’t eat breakfast on keto (I eat my first meal around noon) — but, on race days I like to eat some nuts and cheese for energy before I run. But, for whatever reason it just didn’t settle — and I lost it all. Which is really sad because they were nuts and cheese.

My stomach just felt very unsettled and I decided to hold back a bit with Lizz for a couple miles until I felt better.That never really happened, because I ended up throwing up again around mile 3-4. My stomach wasn’t happy — nor was I.

  View this post on Instagram

  A post shared by They call me Josher … (@josherwalla) on Mar 2, 2019 at 5:17pm PST

I tried to get into a good rhythm with Lizz, but I just couldn’t — my back and ankle started hurting, the rain didn’t any and then I started cramping because of the cold. By mile 5-6, I just felt like a complete hot mess — which I totally was — and I just didn’t care. I just wanted to get to the finish line at this point.

I’m so glad that I had Lizz with me — and she vice versa. We kept each other company with great conversation, lots of laughing and distracting each other from caving into “the suck” of the race. It was probably good that we ran together because there were a few homeless people I wouldn’t have felt comfortable encountering alone — especially when they’re asking for money and the only thing I could offer was a Salted Caramel Gu.

Homeless people don’t like Gu.

Neither do I, but that’s a story for another day.

  View this post on Instagram

  A post shared by Josher 🏃🏻‍♂️🏋🏻‍♂️🥩 (@runfitketo) on Mar 2, 2019 at 7:08pm PST

By Mile 10 we our fartleking was more like a mall walk — and yet we kept moving forward. We cheered on our friends who were running the marathon, took some pictures and then lost our complete minds at Mile 12 when I found a couple of snails and decided to match them up. Needless to say, I think they mated on a fork I was carrying them on — but, I can’t be too sure, because I failed sex ed in college.

Again that’s another story for another day.

The rain finally stopped during the last mile of the race and we made our way to the Huntington Beach State Park where the finish line was. We were definitely the last half marathoners — and second to last still out there as a marathoner was a few miles from finishing (to give you an idea at how slow we went).

It was definitely my longest unpaced half marathon (4:56:29) — and I won’t lie — I am a bit embarrassed by it. I was wanting something around 3-3:30 hours with a good heart rate run. But, it was what it was — and quite honestly — it was good “time on my feet” to prep me for the marathon and upcoming trail races. But, considering the pain I was in with my back and ankle on top of the leg cramping — it just sucked.

  View this post on Instagram

  I found a snail and carried him along with me on my dinglehopper. After a couple miles I found another snail and — well — I think I’m going to be a Grandpa soon.

A post shared by They call me Josher … (@josherwalla) on Mar 2, 2019 at 5:31pm PST

But, I wouldn’t trade in the time I was able to spend with Lizz. We really had a blast talking about the adventures ahead of us this year with Utah Valley, Buffalo Run 25K and Revel Big Cottonwood. The looking ahead helped deal with the disappointment of the outcome of this race for me.

In all, I’m still glad I did it. Will I do it again? Maybe. I actually told Joe that instead of running it next year, I might be more interested in just coming down and working the race. Especially since I already have a place to stay. But, who knows? It’s hard to say no to any race in Southern California.

I really enjoyed my weekend — not just with my brother and his family, but with friends as well. I was able to spend Saturday night in Downtown Disney with Terese and Shanalee. It might not have been INSIDE Disneyland, but I was able to get my “Disney fix” with a new Disney shirt and a hand-dipped corn dog.

Worth it.

  View this post on Instagram

  A post shared by They call me Josher … (@josherwalla) on Mar 2, 2019 at 5:38pm PST

I will write more about my back and certain health issues a bit later this week. I might have to change up my race schedule up a bit coming up. This weekend really helped me think a few things through in regards to my race schedule and pressing goals.

Anyways, next up is the Buffalo Run 25K on Antelope Island! I can’t wait to break out my walking stick and trail shoes, I am really excited to be hitting the trails out on the island. There’s a chance of snow on Friday — which means it could be A LOT of fun. But, I’m up for the adventure!

SoCal Half Marathon Time

SoCal Half Marathon (156); March 2, 2019 (4:56:29)

My Next Five Races

Antelope Island Buffalo Run 25K; March 9

Lucky 13 Half Marathon; March 16

Run Emigration 10 Miler; April 6

Salt Lake City Half Marathon; April 13

Wasatch Trail Run: Dimple Dell; April 24

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  A post shared by Trails & Pavement (@trailsandpavement) on Nov 10, 2018 at 6:54am PST

RACE RECAP: SoCal Half Marathon was originally published on Life In The Slow Lane.

#california #california half marathons #Family #Fitness #goals #half 156 #half marathon #health #huntington beach #huntington beach california #race 188 #race report #socal #socal half marathon #vacation half marathons #vacation races #wellness