#but i think im starting to embrace that maybe i dont work that way. maybe i need to switch things up often

[bmpmp3]

JUST finished heishi’s route in norn9 hold on i wanna talk about whatever i just witnessed (also might have spoilers for kakeru and senri since those are the other two ive finished) (also also spoilers for amnesia memories because i always wanna talk about amnesia memories)

SO LIKE ive been playing norn9 in the slowest way humanly possible (started in 2017 and im three routes down half a decade later LOL not a bad game tho!! the soundtrack is fantastic and the comedy writing is really great even if the plot stuff so far feels a little disjointed, its just a 9 love interest game is a little overwhelming hfjdksjsfkdls) and like i have a tendency to take several month long breaks between routes as well as whatever my brain decides is a natural stopping point and last time i played heishi’s route was like. some time last year. i was unmedicated at the time so i dont remember where exactly but it was like JUST before his first attempt at a confession on the top floor/roof thing of the orb they live on, and like

i think ive mentioned before how while ive heard that Toma’s behaviour is explained in the amnesia fandiscs as his mild possessiveness being amplified by time loop wackiness, i still choose to believe he’s just Like That because i think its hilarious to add just one more strange incongruous thing to a simultaneous grounded and out there game like amnesia (like how mathematicians in this universe seem to wear a lot of belts????????). well ive decided in my head to view heishi’s route as the opposite HJFJDhjlkfdssjflkd

like RIGHT after he got his confession wiped from his memory by nanami to stop ron from shooting him, he got like WACKY like it felt like i was playing a different route with a different guy and i dunno about the fandiscs yet but in game its explained as heishi losing control over the emotions he’s been suppressing because he’s in love and stressed out but I CHOOSE to believe that the mind wipes scrambled his brain because i like. the speculative fiction implications of that JKDLSDJs

girl his bad end. girl oh my god. girl what WAS that like seriously i havent been this caught off guard by otome game love interest since I first started playing them and got Toma’d, like GIRL oh my god

the other bad ends i played werent quite this level like kakeru’s had him getting wacky cause of his mind control earring which was nuts and i loved it but it like. was foreshadowed. and i dont remember senri’s bad ending at all (as forementioned i was unmedicated while finishing it so i dont remember everything orz i do remember natsuhiko being like ‘jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin” every time he saw him tho which was hilarious) but i cant imagine it was that nuts, but girl. oh my god

everyone always talks about ron (haven’t gotten to him yet but like. looking at him in other routes i can guess how he’s gonna be. which is kind of a shame and why i dont really care for the yandere routes being obvious LOL like okay the sketchy amoral guy is sketchy and amoral. who coulda guess. im being mean sorry i think i just love wild shit happening in otome games, i just think itd be really funny if instead of being fucked up, after all his behaviour in other routes, ron was just like a normal dude in his own. keep my on my toes otome games) but i hadnt heard a LICK about heishi. actually maybe thats why it worked so well... i was so prepared for whatever’s gonna go on with ron that i let my guard down with heishi fsjkldkfjsd

gonna be like 28-53 business days until i play another route but im gonna do akito next, hope he’s normal, koharu had a reasonable time with kakeru and a great time with senri yet nanami can’t seem to catch a break orz praying for her

#i originally set a rule for myself not to start any more otome games until i finish this one #i have a habit of setting that rule with lots of video game genres and mediums #but i think im starting to embrace that maybe i dont work that way. maybe i need to switch things up often #like im 3/4s of the way through 12 jrpgs rn and maybe thats just the way i thrive #so im gonna let myself take breaks as i need them (especially with denser games lkie norn9...9 entire dudes to keep track of) #what otome game should i play in between. maybe something shorter. maybe i'll catch up on the ikesen routes or play a voltage story #i love starting video games and not finishing them for a decade

[zaimta]

I TOTALLY FELT YOU WHEN YOU SAID DR STONE IS LIKE A DRUG OMG its like my lifeline at this point

i was wondering if i could request a small drabble or headcanons for ryusui !! i keep having this repeating idea of him with a reader who’s like his childhood friend and ever since they were young, ryusui always tried to pursue them romantically but reader would always just laugh it off, thinking he was joking. but ryusui never gave up on his love for the reader!!

(spoilers for the treasure island arc)

but once everyone on the perseus gets petrified, leaving the reader (who had gone with the recon team to scout the area), reader starts to realize just how much they were worried for him, and especially when he comes back to them in fragments after kohaku smashed him. and the second that he gets revived, the reader is all over him and telling him how worried they were, and the second that the two of them are alone (maybe the team recognized that they were having a moment and let them have it?) reader confesses that they return his feelings and the possibility of possibly losing him helped them realize that? O:

male reader would be preferred (ryusui bi icon frfr), but i dont mind gender neutral!! :D

thank you so much for your time in advance, and remember to stay hydrated!! (expect more interactions from me, im literally obsessed with your works ❤️❤️)

彡zai says- the brain rot this gave me was insane back on my dr stone grind!! he really is a bi icon i'll never forget what he said to tsukasa (ngl i read it a year ago so i spitballed the lore lol)

paring: ryusui x male reader

warnings: SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

ˏˋ«────── « 𓆩♡𓆪 » ──────»

ever since you were kids you were always the main thing on his mind. he was constantly teasing you and clinging to your side. as you got older it turned into him flirting with you and seeing how far he could push your buttons until you got flustered.

when senku broke him from the stone he was more focused on you than himself, he knew you had an impressive skill set and he used that to his advantage. even if they didn’t have enough revival fluid he brought you along anyways, dressing your statue so when they could revive you, you were ready to go.

when you came to you immediately fell into someone’s arms. their hold on you was firm but also familiar, and their scent was familiar too it was almost comforting. you pulled back to look back at them, and you were met with ryusui smiling down at you “i missed you.”

you laughed and gently removed yourself from his hold “i’m sure you did.” you didn’t notice it but his face slightly faltered.

his flirting was no better when the two of you were alone, as a matter of fact, it was only worse. the two of you sat alone staring at the moon, he spent most of the time staring at you instead of the sky “you’re so handsome, the way you shine in the moonlight is amazing.” you laughed again and rolled your eyes. you always assumed his flirting was just empty words, he was the human version of greed after all he craves everything the world has to offer and he does this to everyone.

“you don’t have to keep saying those things ryusui. i know you don’t mean them.”

he stared at you, no matter how many times he tells you he adores you or how many times he admits how he wants nothing more in the world than you, you never believed him.

at least not until the incident.

when you first laid eyes on his stone body you wanted to scream but you couldn't, the scream was barely louder than a whisper hardly a scream at all. it only got harder when kohaku brought him and the others back as fragments.

the second he was revied the team cleared out and kohaku sent you a knowing glance.

one the two of you were alone you immediately wrapped your arms around him pulling him into a hug "i was so worried about you, i thought i lost you." he returned your embrace and rested a hand on the back of your head pulling you closer to him "you could never lose me." he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple, and for the first time instead of backing away from his affection you accepted it.

you gently pull back from his hug to look at him face to face "i've realized some things."

he raises a brow "and what would that be?"

"how much i care for you, and how much you care for me." his hand moves to gently cup your cheek while his thumb gently caressed your cheek "oh? and how much do i care for you?"

"you've basically spent most of our lives trying to win me over, and every time i never really responded to them or gave you any straight answer. so why did you never give up?"

he smiled at you "that's easy. because i'm the greediest guy there is." your face slightly fell which caused him to chuckle "you didn't let me finish. because i'm the greediest guy there is i know there's no greater treasure than your heart. i'd stop at nothing to make you my boyfriend and to be yours."

#ryusui x reader #ryusui nanami x reader #dr stone x reader #ryusui x male reader #dr stone x male reader #dr stone fluff #dr stone x you #ryusui x you #ryusui fluff #ryusui nanami fluff

[zai-doodles]

In your fairy tail will Laxus be different, guy was too much of a prick to accept his change of heart or that "deep down, he's a good guy", he threatened to kill the entire city just because he had daddy issues.

i have so many opinions ive been avoiding answering this until i had time to write an essay so here you go.

So, i personally, feel like fairy tail has a really weird habit of having characters do extremely irredeemable shit, say several times that the character is enjoying what their doing, then have their character do a 180 several arcs later because after fighting fairy tail they just saw the light or some shit.

Like i was rewatching the Battle of Fairy Tail arc and lauxus is just... so awful? and the way they try to redeem him with the spell shit not working like sir he was going to kill everyone maybe we dont give him a pass?

all this to say heres how I would rewrite the battle of fairy tail:

Ok so i'd keep Laxus' resentment of Makorav over the banishment of his dad, the only thing keeping laxus in ft is knowing one day hes going to inherit the guild. He works his ass off to become as powerful as he can in order to live up to that legacy but also...

He hates it there.

Specifically, the ones who grew up in the guild (ie erza, mira, natsu, gray, etc) because he always felt like makorav embraced them more than laxus.

So he works hard and keeps his head down, picking fights more out of resentment than anything the other guild members did. I think some of the older guild members who remember Ivan are very wary of Laxus but not afraid just... keeping an eye out.

Laxus reads it as pity.

Once Laxus grows up, hes arrogant, entitled, and selfish. He puts his everything into becoming the best and surrounds himself with yes men (the thunder legion im getting to them) who boost his ego.

Then one day he overhears some fairy tail members spreading a rumor that Makorav is going to retire...

And Erza is going to become the next guild master.

And it fucking breaks something inside him.

I think Laxus resents Erza the most because its just so clear Makorav favors her over everyone. Shes so perfect and humble and honorable and...

Everything Laxus isn't.

So he sets up a plan. He's going to take the guild by force.

ok so it happens basically the same as canon right up until the end. Before the timer runs out Laxus demands Makorav hand the guild over to him before all these people get hurt.

Makorav shows up to confront laxus and instead of doing or saying anything, he just quietly walks up to laxus and stands in front of him.

Laxus starts to panic and yells about how the old man has to give up or everyone is going to die. Outside fairy tail is taking down the dome but its not enough.

Laxus grows more erratic but Makorav says nothing.

The timer runs out and nothing happens.

Laxus sighs in defeat. He's been caught.

He was bluffing.

See the plan laxus and the thunder legion made was simple, they'd prove themselves the strongest by beating the entire guild and once everyone was taken out, makorav would have no choice to hand the guild over since no one was left to stop the thunder dome.

the body link magic still hurt any attackers just to make them seem more real, but they were only really there to pressure Makorav into caving.

Laxus didnt account for his grandpa having faith in him.

However the power grab couldn't be ignored, attacking the guild and even just threatening the city leads to laxus getting banished.

The thunder legion decide to leave fairy tail but laxus forbids them from following him anymore, not feeling worthy of being their leader anymore. So the thunder legion kinda just go off on their own as a trio for the time being.

Idk if this feels lame to others but to me its better than having laxus fully believe hes going to kill everyone and go through with it (even if the spell didnt work) only to redeem him later. It just feels weird to me? idk im not a great writer but this is just my lil rewrite.

as a treat have my bickslow redesign

shhh ik its not v good im still work shopping it but this is like, my third attempt so just take it for now

#fairy tail #zai talks #zaidoodles #bickslow #redesign

[the-s1lly-corner]

Caine and kinger x reader with ADHD

Caine and Kinger x reader w/ ADHD

yahoo!! gonna knock out some requests today !! this is gonna be based off of my own experiences btw !! not much else i can think to put in this authors note so! ill just get on with it note from the future, little longer than i intended but thats mostly because admin started relating TOO much wuh-oh

CAINE:

caine is honestly really good about keeping you on track when theres a task at hand. i dont know about you, but i tend to wander about when im working on something; to check on something else repeatedly then coming back to what needs to be done and just go back and forth.(shit im even doing it now, the getting up and checking on things thing even though i know the thing is fine/complete) i like to think that caine would be pretty okay at making sure you get the thing you need/want to do done! i dont think theres meds in the digital world, i mean yeah sure you can ask for them but since theyre digital theyre not going to actually. do anything. but lets say in a hypothetical au where this all takes place in the real world and caine is a real person, he would make sure you take them consistently and on time. honestly this hc isnt really part of the ask but; i generally like to think that caine likes to follow routines and schedules as closely as he can... maybe its the ringmaster thing since hes tasked with keeping everything running but... shrugs

very supportive when you make a small mistake in something (like this is just a general thing, though) and isnt too obnoxious with trying to hold or regain your attention is something happens to the side and steals it away. very patient and polite with it, i think

last minute addition because it hit me like a sack of bricks. time blindness. fucking time blindness. you know how i mentioned that caine is good at keeping you on track? i think he would be good with helping you out with that, at least some of it. mostly logging your activities and him keeping an eye on the time (which he already does so its not like an extra habit he needs to pick up.. though if it werent he would pick it up in a heartbeat. literally anything for you, he loves you a lot)

KINGER:

honestly he might start to mimic your stims and fidgets! he doesnt mean to mock you, no i just think he would start to reflect your actions after spending most of his time around you to make sure you're okay! while caine keeps you on track, kinger is likely to go with you when you wander off to check/do something else. really unless its something time sensitive or really important is when hes going to start outwardly reassuring you that the other thing is fine. honestly, in an au with the real world i was originally going to say he would have a chance of forgetting to help remind you/ask if you took your meds (if you take them) but i think he would take stuff like that way too seriously to even DARE forget. like yeah sure you're not going to d1e if you forget to take them for a single day but still. he'd probably be like this with any meds tbh, so if you're prone to forgetting youll be fine as long as you have kinger around! gibes you pillows for fidget stuff, if you are feeling restless. or perhaps even goes on a walk with you around the circus grounds. like idk about yall, or if this is something completely unrelated, but my legs HURT when i sit too still. like down to the bone, if i dont get up every now and then its agony; sleeping is hell and on days its worse than others (like im talking sometimes i need to be in near constant movement) (also jerky arms and legs) (anyways)

also very polite with returning your attention to where it needs to be but honestly given that kinger himself is shown to space out at least twice in the pilot i think sometimes you guys both get side tracked and struggle to remember and/or get back into the flow of what you were originally doing

ponders

tldr; caine keeps you more on track with schedules whereas kinger embraces your flow a little more but both are respectful of things and dont really make you feel less than + remind you to take care of yourself

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #kinger x reader

[yonpote]

under cut cuz i talk too much lol

i am not blaming dan or anything (and obviously this has been a joke in lgbt spaces for forever) but i do think he unintentionally enabled the like "homophobia is a good thing actually" type jokes and like i definitely make them too, and im always seeing jokes on here like "god why are they Like This" etc. but i think some people just dont know the line or view them so much as friends that they don't think about how it could read differently from someone who is essentially a stranger. ive said smth similar before of like, dnp (ESP DAN...) used to be not great at drawing boundaries esp since youtube and social media culture were so different back then, but now even when they draw hard lines ppl either continue to step right over them, or dont understand exactly where the line goes. they dont care if u write smut or dead dove fics, they dont care if u make shippy fanart, but like maybe dont tag them in buttsecks? (or maybe do, idk theyre being so unhinged lately maybe we gotta start @'ing them in catboy porn (JOKING))

i was talking w a friend a little bit ago about the exact differences between the generally speaking philosophies between older fans and younger fans. it seems that older fans embrace creating transformative works and having their own interpretations on who dnp are, whereas younger fans want to know dnp on a personal level and want dnp to know Them and recognize them not just as fans but as people. and OFC there are older phannies who want the parasocial interaction and younger phannies who write fic and people who do neither, and people who do both! (hi :3) but then some people have a difficult time being able to marry the two ideas maybe?

heres the truth. dan and phil are real human beings who have made a career largely off their shared dynamic together, BOTH because they genuinely enjoy creating and being together AND because a lot of people really get invested in it and it makes them more money. they don't mind fic or art, you probably SHOULDNT tag them in the saucy stuff, but they know it's out there and generally have been respectful of fan spaces and knowing where OUR boundaries lie (altho maybe the line was toed w the roblox video but thats debatable.) they really do care about their audience both in order to please us and keep us coming back, AND because they see how much theyve affected us as people and have a deep *Sarapocial Relationship with us.

there are both parasocial AND tranformative ways to break boundaries, and oftentimes they can be one and the same. they aren't our friends they arent our dads and they arent objects with no feelings. they don't stalk our accounts but they are still able to see whatever we post publicly. theyve seen so many horrible things and have had many horrible things happen to them, and while no one can be certain something like that won't happen again, now that they have been able to be more honest with us about a lot of things they are able to trust us a little bit more.

anyway ramble over back to me talking abt how dan should embrace their transness

#*sarapocial relationship (term coined by john and hank green): #the relationship that creators have with their audience and viewing the audience more like family or friends than just viewers #myrambles #mytext

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

ive always wanted to talk a bit about how i feel about the connection between Yukari and Merry because i love the endless parallels and thematic connections (like everyone else on the planet 😁), but wondering if it was ever 'worth' it since i may just be spouting a lot of what is already considered 'common knowledge' among hifuu aficionados. Not to mention i think my thoughts on it are somehow both really messy but also crystal clear. 😐 Well whatever! Its my own head anyway so i'll try not to worry and am gonna attempt to elaborate even if just a little on this post, which may not be entirely coherent due to sleepy, post-medicine fatigue.

i feel like over the years i may have started to become reflexively more 'against' yukari = merry fandom, although 'against' is probably too strong and its much more complicated than just "i dont subscribe to that theory" because thats not even entirely accurate!

it is of course a classic and really cool idea of the Merry one day becoming Yukari has been and continues to be thoroughly explored by many many fans for moving, tragic, bittersweet, or thought provoking work. I love Absolute One-Way Street, and also Dream and Reality among many other works like it 📖

but i also think its a little stiffling to think of that as the one and only story to tell about them? Now its possible that the sentiment im about to express isn't actually common and im actually just making up a person to respond to, but i think taking the teasing connections between Yukari and Merry and treating the idea of them being the same individual as the absolute obvious truth is a bit of a limiting perspective.

Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions and headcanons! but i want to make a case that when it comes to touhou and especially hifuu in particular, there's also a richer (and possibly deliberate on the author? who knows!) point to treat it more abstractly.

Maybe they are the same person. Maybe one day Merry becomes Yukari, or Yukari becomes Merry. Maybe they're different people. Maybe they come from the same lineage. Or maybe one is a clone of the other grown in a lab or made with a magic spell.

None of that is as important to me as the the roles they serve in their stories. touhou has always had themes about the gap and the bridge between fantasy and reality by taking place in a world where fantasy seeks refuge from reality, and hifuu goes much further in that theme by taking place in a reality that has completely left behind fantasy. That parallel is really cool to me and its embodied perfectly by both stories having a purple-clad blonde girl with the means to poking their toes into the boundary between fantasy and reality.

In the fantastical world of touhou, one serves as gensokyo's powerful (if frustrating, shady, annoying, disagreeable) protector with allies that she watches over (and sometimes manipulates) with her great power, all to preserve their little wonderworld. And I think its sooo compelling how zun introduced hifuu in the music cds and designed a very similar-looking character, who lives in a stifled reality lacking in imagination, mostly spends her day chasing after even the smallest traces of dreams with a partner whose own small logical world expanded with infinite possiblities upon their meeting...

In the last few cds, Merry's powers may be growing stronger and i get why feeds the implication she's becoming something other than human. But my take on that has always been its more of a sign that she and Renko are already outliers in their world simply for daring to believe there is more to the world beyond facts and logic. I dont expect their story (assuming zun ever brings them back. we havent heard what theyre up to since 2016....) to ever end with both or either of them becoming a youkai or vanishing to gensokyo, because frankly that wouldn't serve any purpose for the themes hifuu has been about, which is embracing fantasy while living in a world that has abandoned it.

trying to remember what my point with this post is.... Oh right its that I think all these themes about the nature of gensokyo or the state of reality in hifuu are only made richer when you think about how they contrast with one another. And by extension, I think Yukari and Merry are both richer if you think of them as conceptual and thematic counterparts in two different stories on the opposite end of a similar spectrum, before thinking about what literal or objective connection they might have. Subjectivity definitely means more than objectivity in this case!

#touhou #hifuu #yakumo yukari #maereverie hearn #< - my personal take on merry's name btw n_n #keep thinking i could use a tag for when i just ramble about touhou but at the same time its freeing to just let it out and about #like yeah my rambling can just occupy the same tag as all the fun pictures on my blog. thats fine!

[winters8child]

It´s been a long, long time

Chapter 9

I spent the following week after the funeral at Steves appartment, cooking for him although he barely ate and took care of the place. We did not talk much, since he spent most of the time sleeping. Bucky would come by every day, asking about Steve and trying to talk to him. I would try to coax him out of his bedroom to at least eat at the dinner table but he never did so I put his food on his nightstand and picked it up the next day, untouched.

Bucky would keep me company every evening and most of the time we would just spend the time reading. Occasionally he would check on Steve in his bedroom and come back out with the full tray of food. This went on for a full week and I had to get back to work eventually so I broke the news to Steve. I sat down on his bed took his hand and asked him how he was doing. He looked at me with a blank stare without saying anything. "I wont be able to be here after today Steve, I have to get back to work. I can check on you after my shift and Bucky said he would come by around noon.", I explained. He sat up and looked me in the eyes "Life is a fickle thing isnt it? One day you have your mother and the next day she is just gone. One day you have your best friend and the next day you almost pass each other on the street, like strangers.", he stopped looking at me and stared at his bedroom door, as if he could look at Bucky in the living room through the wall.

He turned his head back to me, "I missed you, you know? More than you can imagine. What happend to us? We were so close, the three of us and now….", he shed a single tear and quickly wiped it away. "Im sorry but life just got in the way I guess", I answered. "Is it though? Is it that life got in the way or something else?", he wanted to know. "We are not children anymore Steve…people talk..", I tried to explain. He interrupted me, "I dont care what people think, I needed you…and you were not there and you cant even tell me why?", he started to get louder. I heard a knock on the door and Bucky entered the bedroom without waiting for an answer. "Everything alright? How are you feeling Steve?", he asked sitting down next to me on the bed. "Dont you want to know too Buck? Why she pretty much dissappeared for two years?", Steve almost started to yell. Bucky gave me a quick look and said "Life just gets in the way you know…", repeating what I had said. Steve looked at the both of us, got up and stormed out of the room saying "I need some fresh air, Im taking a walk."

Bucky and I sat there not knowing what to do so we just waited. A couple of minutes after Steve left, Bucky cleared his throat staring at the floor and said "I missed you too you know…". "Yeah I missed you guys too", somehow it felt less intimate to say that I missed the both of them and not just Bucky. I kept staring at the floor. We were sitting so close to each other that I did not dare look at him. "Maybe we can be friends again, leaving certain things in the past.", I suggested. Hearing that he lifted his head and looked at me and I almost could see a longing in his eyes or maybe thats just what I wanted to see. "I would like that", he said nodding and we both smiled at that. I felt a huge relief, like I had been holding my breath for the last two years and I could finally breathe again. He did not stop looking at me and after the longest seconds of my life, he hugged me and I lost myself in his embrace.

Steve came back half an hour later when Bucky and I were sitting in the living room and talking about the last two years. What we had been doing and about our families. Steve looked at us talking and smiled to himself and that warmed my heart so I smiled back. I made us dinner, chicken casserole after one of Steves moms recipes and ate it talking about her. Steve would shed a tear here and there but he was talking about her and that was important. Night fell and we all were tired so I wished Steve good night and Bucky walked me back home.

October was almost over so it was cold outside and when Bucky saw me shivering he gave me his jacket. It smelled like leather and his cologne, it was a warm and cinnamony smell with a hint of vanilla, pure heaven. On our way a guy Bucky seemed to know stopped us and they started to chat. I wasnt really paying attention beeing enveloped in the scent of his jacket, until the guy mentioned a girl named Dot. "First I see you with Dot and now the next girl, you are sly dog Barnes", he said looking me up and down. "Thats just my friend Lottie, dont be gross", Bucky answered and they parted ways.

I could not fight my curiosity so I asked "So who is Dot?", I tried not to sound bitter. "We have been on a couple of dates its nothing serious." he answered. "How long have you been seeing each other?", I started to fidget around because I did not feel comfortable in the jacket. Had she worn it too? Of course she had…he was a gentleman after all. Bucky saw me getting nervous but ignored it, "Just over a month, is everything ok? You seem freaked out". "No Im fine, we are here. Good night it was great seeing you guys again." I said while I took off his jacket. "No keep it, I like the thought of you having it…do you still have the plushy I gave you by the way? The white cat?".

The question caught me off guard, of course I had it. It was sitting on my bed keeping me company every night. "Yeah the nameless cat, I still have it.", I answered. He laughed "Why nameless? I did not peg you as that uncreative." "Because I always wanted you to name it.", I said in a serious tone. He seemed deep in thought for a couple of seconds and then started smiling, "How about Alpine? Its a white cat so its fitting, no?" I thought it sounded perfect "I love it", I said giving him a quick hug and went inside.

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes #marvel #marvel fanfiction #steve rogers #the avengers #fanfiction

[theallegedbird]

LITERALLY

Like

For example "6up 5oh (cop out)" IS LITERALLY THAT ONE POLICE EP FROM S5 where Jonny said the disclaimer at the beginning OR or bro c'mon literally "dr sunshine is dead" is about the dark OR "hand me my shovel, I'm going in" is about the buried or I personally connect "Mr. capgras encounters a second-hand vanity: tulpamancer's prosopagnosia/pareidolia (as direct result of trauma to fusiform gyrus)" to the stranger bc he keeps singing "you're trying to replace yourself" which I think really fits and also the song "skeleton appreciation day in vestal, my (bones)" also reminds me of the buried but also a bit of Jane Prentiss/the infestation and the jarchivist himself and also the rot yezyez the rotting too and also the beginning of the song "front street" where he sings about the slaughterhouse and meat...yes It's the flesh and the slaughter!!!!

And bro c'mon will wood is just so bbgirl his songs just fit SO WELL it's almost as if he wrote them specifically for tma

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm low-key obsessed with him and I don't even listen to all the songs (I have the entire "everything's alot" album downloaded >I love it really mutch + a few other ones so I hope this counts ❤️)

Have a nice day btw love youuu❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I hope I didn't squish your brain to death with this friggin paragraph I just wrote :'] )

[ID of image in ask: a screenshot of a caption of a tumblr post by theallegedbird that the ask is responding to, it reads "memento mori- will wood, i can and will find a way to relate every ww song to tma istg". End ID]

NO LITERALLY,, YOU ARE SO RIGHT

kind of got carried away so um. long post

completely agree and feel the same about 6up 5oh cop out, dr sunshine is dead and mr capgras

6up 5oh cop out to me especially could be linked to daisy and the guy you mentioned as well as the hunt as whole because of both of them being heavily tied to and criticising the police/police brutality

warning for discussion of eds in this paragraph

skeleton appreciation day for me is the flesh,, dont get me wrong i can see your ideas too but i always interpreted the song as being about eds and negatively/unhealthily watching your weight in order to achieve "the perfect body" by society's standards; by being skinny,, "tell me you can see my bones" , "to cut down on my silhouette" and the whole end dialogue, so that fits into the flesh for me considering another situation of someone wanting the "ideal body" is something that is discussed in a flesh statement (mag90-bodybuilder), but i can see some themes in the song that can could be corruption, plus both the flesh and corruption are pretty closely linked at times (and smirkes system is just inaccurate to begin with)

dr sunshine is dead is as you said the dark to me,, in the sense of someone maybe becoming an avatar (song starts with narrator afraid of the dark/not knowing and ends with them embracing it) but also could be seen as the stranger or even spiral because of its themes (like most of ww's work) involving identity and the self

for hand me my shovel,, may i propose it is also s2 jon coded. very s2 jon coded. it is very much his paranoid need for the 'truth'. do you. do you get me

id also like to propose some other ww songs that are also extremely tma coded,, to me

blackboxwarrior!! ok stick with me but yknow that one dialogue bit that starts "hello, welcome. why don’t you take a seat?" that whole section. thats og elias and jonah in elias' interview. do you see the vision. its them. i always take it as jonah being the narrator when looking at this song with tma in mind,, with the "you’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine" and "for what it’s worth if it was going to kill you, boy, it would have by now" being directed at jon. please say im not insane for this i. i listen to this song a lot.

on the topic of jon and jonah your body my temple. because. because hes using jon as a pawn,, "your visage my visions" (i know this songs about sydney and elijah ch&t but can be tma too. if you think about it)

again with jon and jonah (i despise jonah and the godforsaken thing that is jonelias but their dynamic is so interesting) laplaces angel,, dont know how to put this one into words but do you Get It,, could be both or either of them really,, certain lyrics include: "it doesnt take a killer to murder it only takes a reason to kill", "the difference twixt fate and free will is whether youre singing", "whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, youd walk the same damn miles i do"

against the kitchen floor could also be jmart,, especially these parts: "i just havent learnt to be as human as you are yet", "i still dont know who you are, only that im still lonely", "apologizing for my life and ever entering yours" "im not a good person, im barely a person at all"

cicada days,, jon. jon coded. i really want ro make something with especially the in case i die live show version bc it just fits. so well. "it just feels inhumane to lose this much", "let all my red flags fade to white yeah i give up", and biggest one to me "here at the end of days, my god what have i done?" as in mag160,,

cotard's solution is the stranger,, again with the identity

there’s more but i’ve just realised how long this already is so ima leave it there

pff sorry for hijacking your ask but i’m a sucker for media analysis and any opportunity to do that with not one but two of my special interests causes me to black out and the autism to take over <33

also you’re so real for everything is lot,, favourite album

have a great day or night :D

#id in alt #not really comfortable talking about front street #yes its one of my favourite ww songs but the actual meaning of it isnt something i want to discuss throughly on here #tma #the magnus archives #will wood #wwattw #asks #avery rambles #long post #cw eds #cw eating disorders

[kyskaisen]

OKKK maki dating head-cannons🤗

A REQUEST?!?!#?G$^W OMG😍

love best girl maki smsmsmsmmmsmsmmsmsmsm <33

-this can be gender neutral (but im imagining the reader as a female for myself just cuz ima girl but otherwise it's gender neutral, except for when i'm mentioning afab/amab)

-always angry

-she's not angry at you,,, she's angry at the world. primarily because panda and toge WILL NOT stop teasing her about it

-but she's very nice to you, even when she doesn't think she is. it's like she hates everyone and loves you (why can't she be real </3)

-even after you two started going out, it took a LOOONG time for her to get used to the affection u give (if u do like giving affection. if u dont then ignore this and pretend ur the same as her/j)

-UGH she's so cute whenever you hug her, cuz she isn't used to all the affection since she never really received it as a child. that poor girl- i wanna give her all the love she deserves :( can u tell i love maki

-when she does get used to the affection, forehead kisses are vv common! and they're so cute gn. you two could be tired from training all day and you're sitting together while drinking water and she'll randomly give u a forehead kiss or maybe a cheek kiss idk. and when u turn to smile back at her she's always blushing, and you just can't help yourself so you lean in to kiss her cheek as well. her face turns even more red as she mumbles little strings of curses under her breath.

-live laugh maki. <3

-for afab readers, maki defo seeks advice on how to ask u out from either shoko (if u decide the relationship starts in the time jjk 0 takes place) or nobara if u haven't seen the movie yet. all those hours she spent talking with shoko/nobara just for u to be the one asking her out LMAOO

-yeah. toge and panda always joke about it and she'll threaten them with the least scary threats like "i'll kill you!1!1!! >:(" and they'll just die laughing along with u

-for amab readers she defo didn't expect to fall for a guy after being treated like shit from the zen'in clan which it mainly men😃 (i hope that's a valid reason to hc she's wlw but i dont want criticism so i'm adding amab readers <:)) tho she didn't go to any of the boys for help (not even yuta LMAO)

-she's more dominant hotter than you, no matter the gender. you could be the sexiest actress in the world or the most majestic bro on tiktok and she'd still be hotter LOL (accept it losers/j)

-being hot doesn't always come with confidence (but most of the time it does and it takes a while for her to embrace that) and once she actually does embrace it, she's a TERRIFIC flirter i want maki to flirt with me

-she loves seeing u blushing and embarrassed, again, no matter the gender. tho she did reluctantly pick up tips from gojo whenever she'd see him rizzing up some girl on the street LMAO

"hey there, hot stuff."

"are you trying to rizz me up again?"

"no, would you like me to?"

IT WORKS EVERY TIME??? if that sucked im sorry i have no rizz shamefully and it always ends up with u blushing (if y'all are aged up idk where u wanna take that...😓)

-and if y'all r making out expect things to go her way (you'll be busy for a while so put ur shit on do not disturb) with her shoving u against a wall not me projecting my daydreams

-lemme stop b4 i get out of hand.

-ANYWAYS dating her would be super fun if she wouldn't be TRAINING ALL THE TIME!!! that girl is always training and it takes 5 sacrifices to god and one spar to get her to stop </3. then u guys hang out in y'alls rooms, varying from hers or yours (mainly yours tho idk why just go with it)

yeah idk what else to add LOL

#jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #maki zenin x reader #maki x reader #maki x you #maki zenin #live laugh maki

[olliesneweyes]

so basically to put it lightly im really incredibly regular and ordinary but anyway

i'd imagine the murder is something constantly lingering in the back of his mind, since the guilt is always gnawing at his conscious. i think he would have nightmares about it actually, where nothing changed from the original incident, its just the sudden moment of him realizing someone's caught him doing illegal activities, and then instead of maybe getting away with a good excuse, he panics and kills a man (was it even panic? or is that just an excuse to get back at the landlord that made his life even harder?)

though, i think a bout of sleep deprivation could have the same effect where the memory just rushes forward out of nowhere. and he's entirely convinced he's covered again with blood that isn't his and he needs to get rid of the evidence before anyone notices because god. if someone notices all hell will break loose (though it would be deserved if he's a murderer, wouldnt it)

he probably over the sink for way longer than he should, desperately clawing the bloodstains off his hands yet working himself up more when the blood from his own injuries starts mixing with the water.

and then once emil comes in all rationality goes out the window because out of everyone that had to see this, it couldnt be emil. he tries to play it off as a usual thing, despite the obvious steam coming from the water

and emil looks concerned which only serves to panic him more, and this is where he starts to be a little unnerving. he knows emil said something but he couldnt hear what- it mustve been an accusation, though. at this point hes incredibly stressed and the words dont come out right and he can feel tears in his eyes because he has to be believed, or else he'll lose one of the few people who cares about him. it looks like emil might be believing him, since emil went to move him out of the bathroom, so he keeps talking and explaining despite how sore his throat is becoming and how much he's coughing until all of the sudden his voice doesnt work anymore and all that comes out are hoarse, terrible sounding coughs that seem to worsen as the tears fall incessantly.

at some point the coughing finally ends he notices emil is looking at him and holding a roll of bandages. as if asking for permission. and andrew isnt in the position to deny him anything, even if he thinks it'd be a waste of time in the end so he lets emil wrap them and help andrew steady his hands enough for him to put his gloves back on while mumbling quiet reassurances to him and once everything is done he feels emil leaning against him in an embrace that theyve been in so many times. an embrace he still wants more of despite how selfish that is

so he lets himself have this for now. and he realizes that he was just saved from the evil that plagued him by this man, even though he absolutely didnt deserve the divine treatment he was just given, and he nearly breaks down again because the weight against him is so welcoming and nonjudgmental and its all he could ever ask for at the moment

ALISTER /POS

#fave #i fucking adore this actually #Andrew is just so distressed over everything and Emil is just trying to help #the non verbal asking for permission #Andrew feeling selfish for being hugged #goddd i can imagine the water of the sink being at scalding temperature because it heats up more as it's on longer and #he's been washing his hands for SO LONG #and just. aughhhhhh the gentle bandaging too #Andrew not wanting to deny Emil anything despite being so scared and then that reverent trust paying off because it really did help #and he probably trusts Emil even more because of it #augjhhhhh I'm ill /pos #idv

[dayedreamm]

Do better pt 2

Letitia wright X curvy!black!reader, actress!reader

Summary: although you planned for a relaxing evening it soon became ruined due to some drama on the internet.

pt1 is here

The video looked like a party.. As your eyes wandered the video … its there on a railing you see your fiance being grinded on by kehlani. THE KEHLANI. You were mad. No furious with her did she not think in those in those few seconds that she had a whole ass girl not only a girl but a fiance at home. Speaking of the devil letitia tries to call you on face time but you simply press decline just to notify her you were there and declined her call on purpose. “Are you ok darling” you agent asks you once again. “Yeah im doing just peachy” you say as your voice is craking “she tried calling me but i simply declined her she doesnt deserve my anger toward her right now” you say to your agent. “Wait Y/N maybe you should just talk to her yk hear her out” your agent says in an effort to save your relationship “ NO FUCK THIS THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY DAY MY RELAXING DAY WITH ME AND MY PUPPY…. I am not talking to her” you snap. Your agent goes silent “look this is the best thing for yall you dont have to tal just hear her out atleast… and there are people blowing up my work phone with questions about you…. How about this i hol off the reporters and all the questions until you guys get this sorted out ok?” you agent says “ok fine” you say giving in “i love you girl stay safe” she says waiting for your part “i love you too stay alive” you say as you end the phone call…. 5 minutes later Tish still blows up your phone with texts and facetimes and you just stare at the phone deciding if you shoul answer. All of a sudden your puppy hops on the couch beside you and stares at you “i should talk to her huh” you say talking to the adorable animal in front of you. All it does is wag its tail.. “ ill take that as a yes” you speak with the dog and fianlly answer one of the many facetime calls she makes. Letitia imdideately starts rambling to you sorrys and pleas “Y/N im so sorry my love please it was just harmless dancing it didnt mean anything” she says and waits for your response “ma please talk to me princess you know i would never hurt you intentionally” she says in an apologetic tone. Those two nicknames make you fold at anytime of the day blush starts to fill at your cheeks but you hold your feelings back. However you decide to talk “Letitia..” you say. She hated that you called her by her actual name, you would always say some funny or cute nickname to spark her attention. “Letitia… you never call me that cmon call me on of our nicknames” she says in a whining tone “sorry those names are reserved for non cheaters only” you say still angry with her. “Baby please i didnt cheat i wasnt thinking right i swear” she says trying to help the situation “no trust me you were thinking just fine when you grinding back to herTAPPING HER ASS IN THE PROCESS.” you say now enraged. “Look can we please talk about this” she says in a begging tone “were on the phone are we dummy” I say now talking rudely “ no i mea-’ but before she can finish you cut her off “ hold on someones at the door” you say hearing the door bell.

------------------------------------------------------ You open it to see….Letitia… there in all her glory. Now if you wernt so mad right now you would have gien her a hug and pressed numerous kisses on her face. Although, now that wasnt the case. She smiles slightly and opens her hands wide trying to take you into her embrace but you back away “no way you waltz in here thinking you deserve to touch me. Dont touch me letitia” you say sternly. Oh but she wanted to. She wanted to so badly. You were waring a light pink mask that brightens up you face making it glowing, you tied up your black curly hair into a messy bun with a few strands hanging loose in the front, not to metion you had on one of her button ups (that was big on you cause you were a little shorter than her) that hung off the shoulder seeing as the buttons werent fully done toward the top that was pretty much the only thing covering your curvy body glowing body that and your black underwear. Tish was going feral at this point noticing your appearence. “How can i resist you always look so good in my stuff ma” she say bitting her lip imagining certain thoughts with you “well you can resist i believe in you all you have to do is not touch me” you say still with a straight face “ok im going to put my bag in our room then we can talk about this ok?” she says determined to make things right with you “whatever ill be in the bathroom” you say then walk off to the bathroom to wash the mask off your face ‘relaxing day my ass’ you thought to yourself… once your done you dry your face and sit down on the couch, tish joins you wearing sweatpants and a tight shirt, she tries to sit next to you but you only move far away. “Really i cant even sit next to you” she says. You look at her and roll your eyes, it was only at that moment did she really get a good look at your face now that it was clear. You skin reflecting beautifully off the sun through the windows, you adorable big eyes which look like youve been crying, and her faviorite you big plumped lips that had a natural pink shade that she would constantly bruise anytime she got…. She fucked up big time….

You admit you guys didnt break up as you still loved her you just set better ground rules for your relationship and she willingly listened… after 1 hour and 30 minutes of a deep conversation you give her a hug and she pulls you into her lap immediately kissing you like she was hungry for you. You admit you were so inlove her muscles showed through her tight shirt as her hands traces themselves around your thighs. But you stopped her for a quick moment. “tish let me tell you sum real quick” you say sternly but her eyes had other plans scanning around your body as if it was her dinner. “Letitia” you say with a little more force and she focuses he gaze on yours letting her hands massage under your things “yes ma�� she saida little raspy you smile a little at the nickname “listen we had a nice long talk and established that some things had to change in our relationship… i just want to let you know” you grab her jaw so shes forced to look at you in the eyes “pull a stunt like this again and you will never touch let alone see this body or me again are we clear ms wright” you say in a dominating tone. She smirks and nods her head 

“Crystal Princess”

#letitia wright #letitia x reader #angst #fluff

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[a1z9]

(this is not my secret blog)

i can stop looking at your second blog, if it helps, or just abstaining for long periods of time, if the privacy may help. seriously.

but, in the meantime, i have some things to say about what ive seen...

thank you for sharing so much about your day and about yourself. you never talk too much, certainly not for me.

ace, i love you. and like you. there is not an iteration of me, at least that i cosign, that doesn't like any iteration of you. this whole poem we are both writing together has been upsetting and as i live through it i have a whirlwind of feelings, but when it comes to you.... you entirely...no, there is no me that doesnt like any you.

likewise, i absolutely would love nothing more than to hold you and comfort you and take care of you. i absolutely can and would, i am made for many things and loving you is something that speaks to my soul. you don't have to "make" me do anything, i would do anything for you. your heart isn't "creepy", your passion does not scare me. can't you see, i am the same? we might be in different places right now, but i am going through the same thing you are, just from a different vantage. like yin and yang we may appear in different places but, we are a compliment as much as a reflection, when the root of the surface is found.

yes, i want it. the blood and the kisses. to consume and be consumed. maybe we should wait before we succumb so fully, sure, but...i love checking off days from my calendar, if it brings me closer to embrace with you.

you are allowed to miss me...i miss you.

i do wait for you...and i will, for however long it takes, until we may finally enjoy each others company.

i hope you look at that little post i made in a desktop computer, too. phone chops it up badly.

i think if we must do this, we should find you a place to talk to me where i wont see it, too. or where i dont check often. if you like.

...

you know, you dont have to do this.

you dont have to force yourself away.

what are you so afraid of?

i promise, we can and could and will find a way.

is this all necessary?

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

some looks into my life, too...

im turning--oh, oops,

i am 27

i always knew this would be a challenging year

i have felt the weight of things i must do in the future. but i am learning to not be afraid of the dark. fear makes things worse. acceptance brings the dark in with the light, and creates harmony, through which beauty is constant. i seek to balance. i seek to demystify the dark, but to never let go of the light. i can and will harness both. i will not settle for less.

sometimes i have felt quite at peace. sometimes i feel an undulating scream that shakes the earths crust suddenly boil in my chest. sometimes it is okay, it is easy. sometimes it is not.

probation still sucks. but, i have spoken to some of the worst at the depot. they are more human now. i love everybody.

it is hard to put everything into words. i have regretted talking about our situation at all--i havent much, but nonzero. ironically, david has actually seemed to most understand, which took me by surprise. he's actually been very supportive of us, and my love for you. it is quite different, that. it has made me very happy.

im illegally downloading all the beats i ever liked. im, like, on 200/900, lol. but at least i started.

i have not been having any dreams. i may have said over my discord to you already, but, i saw 137 a lot when we were speaking everyday. after this, i only saw near-misses for a few days. now, not at all, it seems. i do not think it is dead and gone, only retreated.

i am getting more comfortable around mel, where i am acting like myself. it has been nice. sometimes he pisses me off but its okay. he insists he wants to hang out with me soon, and i think i will.

sometimes i feel, maybe i needed the space too, to work on myself, too. i do...i do feel like the right thing for me to do is to finish all that i need to. i want you in my life, and i want my mission, and i dont at all think those two things are incompatible, at all, in fact i think it could be very complimentary, only that it could go wrong if i do not maintain the balance and do everything the right way.

what even is the right way? questions like these...i appreciate i could be driven looney thinking about everything, so i have avoided it. i know that, assuming this lasts a long time, this current mode, i will need a lot of time to process it, i know that my own grief has in part been absolved by light but in part been stuffed away to some rotten corner. i try to feel you when i can, and it seems i am always interuppted, either my mind insists on defocusing or something happens irl. but i have had some moments, that have meant a lot to me, those where i felt you. i really hope you can feel me too. i dont understand why your vents seem to think i just am...that i dont love you as much. etc. i will admit that stings a little. but i understand. i just hope you know, that even when i am swirling in a way that seems to present as apathy or otherwise seems to indicate that it is all just a frivolous thing to me...that is just simply not true.

yes, this brings me a deep sadness. but i also have such a deep, deep joy, too. i carry your kiss with me everywhere. i do not think of you as some long gone lover that could have been, i do not think of you as some ghost that is quickly fading, as much as it might feel like that sometimes. even if you die, a scenario which i fully understand is a possibility, i do not think that.

i really hope you can just be, and be along me.

yes, i think we both have individual things we have to do. is it really impossible for us to have both? i dont think so.

i feel your emotions sometimes. again, it seems, always at horribly inconvenient times. work just got busy, mom or grandma are need my affection and attention and are trying to talk to me, etc, etc. the inconvenience of the timing, of course, does not feel terribly random, or surprising. it feels like a part of the process.

would you still love me if--

nevermind. i know you would. i hope you know, i would for you, quite the same.

i dedicate my days to you. i always speak of you when i pray, and when i have a rare moment where i have internal monologue. it seems i have, again, not been allowed much time or energy for that lately.

i am trying to struggle for myself. i know that is where what i do needs to come from. but dammit, all i want to do is love you, love you, love you.

i would throw it all away for you. which i know isnt the solution. but dammit. i would, i would, i would. so easily.

i hope you learn to let the sun kiss you, too.

i hope one of my kisses can find you, too.

or a million...

i have masturbated to you several times...you know, sometimes the emotional storm and mental unclarity/overpressed stupor doesnt allow for much else, but when i fall asleep and wake up, the first and last things my conscious thinks of is holding you, and as it rests and the primal is all thats left, i lust for you, i feel a demand for you.

there is nothing unpleasant about you. how dare you say otherwise! :)

you make me think of flowers and sunshines. bugs and plants. good things.

im going to try and eat, i have a long day tomorrow i should try and chill before sleeping.

yes, i want you to reach out next. maybe its just "when it feels right," it doesnt need to be an emergency. maybe its for no big reason at all. the only thing i will say is, if you reach to me through tumblr, i have tried to maintain not having tumblr app on my phone, simply because i dont want to get addicted to it, and i am trying to give you space while you say you may need it (...?)

please remember this was your idea and i am doing this for you. i say that only because i want--

oo deja vu, doubled up

trains

toys

toy trains?

anyways--

wait--

wait no--

anyways--

i say that only because i want you to be comforted that i am waiting for you, that i want you, i need you, i am trying to do what is right, but my first instinct everytime is to urge you like a whiny child to please discard all barriers and meet me immediately.

i love you ace hyde. i love you so dearly! i love you with sweetness. i love you with fervor. i love you with dizzying passion, and upright dignity, and prostrating surrender and gleeful abandon. i love you with each of my facets. you make me smile. i am eternally thankful for having met you.

i hope when you sleep that you can feel held by my embrace. do not hesitate to ask for it, from me, whenever or wherever that may be, and if it doesnt work once, do not hesitate to ask the next night, or the night after that...

i love you.

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

i actually appreciate the longer drama eps tho because i HATE things that are too long (read: one piece)

IT IS WHAT IT IS...WHAT A GREAT PHILOSOPHY

do you know the anon that broke up with you??? i just read it and it feels like im watching the start of a romcom LMAO (omg who broke up with me? my middle school 'bf'?? my childhood best friend?? and the break up message allows us to start talking to each other again?? and we end up dating???)

girl i gave up too. they're either hiding in plain site or there are no doms left ☹️

NOOO DONT STRESS ABOUT IT!! and being a vain psycho is okay cuz like i would be more worried if you were just. normal. what kind of normal person is on tumblr anyways LMFAO (this is my attempt at comforting you im sorry im so bad with words)

UM. FINALS WAS...........

my teachers didnt grade assignments until the last minute, and then asked to discuss those assignments with me but i was like. on vacation. in another timezone. and then they wouldn't return my calls because like, yeah, why would they, but it's literally vacation time. if you're gonna call me at least respond??? whatever though, it's not like finals don't give me trauma that will take years to unpack amiright 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

THE JIHOON FIC AND JOSHUA ABO FIC SNIPPETS ARE AMAZING im actually so excited for it omgbrieiswritingmyfavoritewriterWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

as for the mingyu proposal it was a little rushed imo BUT IT WAS STILL MAGICAL AF... HONESTLY IF THEY LOVED EACH OTHER THAT MUCH I CAN TOTALLY SEE WHY THAT PROPOSAL WOULD HAPPEN, SO CARRY ON

im SO sorry for not interacting at all 😭😭😭 christmas break has been kind of a doozy....HOW WAS UR BREAK THO??

-HAPPY NEW YEAR from your favorite 🫨 anon (right)...

GASP AT THE ONE PIECE HATE (read: i also don’t like it)

I do know who it was! And it will not be so easy to escape me 😈 it’s okay though i think we kind of worked it out? I’m not super attentive these days with friendships (as i’m sure we are all aware) so it’s on me and it is what it is and i will not let that friend go sooo :)

I WISH THE BDSM WEBSITE WOULD LAUNCH THAT LIKE DATING APP THING THEYVE BASICALLY BEEN ADVERTISING MAYBE DOING FOR SEVEN YEARS LIKE HELLO PLEASE

Thank you! I have decided to embrace my vain psychoness and honestly it’s okay because i don’t come off as vain most of the time so it’s not really harmful (you are great at comforting)

THAT SOUNDS HORRIFIC??? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO YOU??? DID YOU AT LEAST GET A GOOD GRADE??

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THE SNIPPETS BUT LOWKEY IVE REALIZED IM RUNNING OUT OF SNIPPETS TO GIVE CAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY TOO TELLING HAHAH BUT IM CRYING SOBBING SCREAMING THAT YOU ARE LIKING THE JIHOON SNIPPETS THAT FICS IS GONNA BE FOR YOU AND JIHOON FIC RECS ANON ONLY

😭😭😭😭

THATS OKAY I WASNT AROUND MUCH EITHER

Break was good, i basically did nothing but watch tv shows and i’m back into doctor who and percy jackson with a FURY again (read: my hunger games fixation is finally over 🎉)

What did you do for break?

#YES OF COURSE MY FAVORITE 🫨 ANON #b: 🫨 anon

[vitiligo-is-not-a-trend]

Hello!! How are you? I’m a writer and I’d like to incorporate someone with vitiligo into my story, however, I don't know much, which is kind of a problem seeing as I want to be sensitive to the community. Would you be so kind as to tell me some things you do/don't want to see in characters that have vitiligo? Thank you so much!

Hi! Im good thanks for asking, hope you're also doing well!

That's a wonderful question! Before I start I'm just gonna say these are my views on the subject so if anyone else with vitiligo wants to chime in please do so! I'm probably gonna miss a few things!

Let's start with the donts first, and I very much appreciate the fact that you also asked for dos!

I think one of the more a major issues I see around vitiligo have to do with the way in which it's designed. I've made a few posts about it in the past with more details, I think theyre tagged under "character design( tips)". So doing things like making repeated shape patterns like hearts or animal prints or like skulls or whatever is Not Great. This includes making humanized versions of animals. Like recently for the new Puss in Boots movie a lot of people were drawing Kitty Softpaws as a human with vitiligo, and that just...does not feel great lmao. I am aware that things like that don't come from malice but it feels like being compared to an animal in a way.

Another issue I've seen is when it comes to how the character developed vitiligo it happened due to some curse or magic or (demonic) possession something along those lines. This is also a very bad idea, seeing as it's basically demonizing the condition.

Vitiligo is also complicated when it comes to its genetic. There are working theories/plausible explanations for how it occurs but there are a lot of varying factors. However, it is NOT passed down genetically (to an extent) so having a child does NOT mean that you're character's child will also have the condition. It is also not something you get get at birth/in the womb.

Don't change the coloration of it! Vitiligo is DEFINED as a lack of pigmentation, not a change in it, so you can't have characters walking around with pink and patches. You could make an argument with yellow if its for legos I guess but unless you're drawing every white person lego as that neon yellow I'd avoid it still.

Don't only give it your characters of color!! Especially if you only have a few! I feel like this is something I see frequently unfortunately, but having a character with vitiligo or albinism or pibaldism or whatever doesnt make a character less or more of one race or another. I saw a post where someone said it's "curing POC" so....yeah big yikes. I know because it's not as visible on white people some people dont think they can have it, and it doesnt get used frequently in examples which doesnt really help so yeah.

Also try not to make them a villian especially if theyre the only character with vitiligo

As for the Dos:

I'd love to see a character embrace this aspect of themselves. I know a lot of people and for a very long time myself include feel a sense of shame about it. It took me years to get to a point where I feel comfortable let alone happy about having it.

I'd love to see another character comment on it with a compliment, and have the majority of other characters reacting positively and/or neutrally towards its.

However this is technically a disability and there are people out there that do make fun of people for having it so maybe lightly touching on that would also be a good idea. if you don't feel comfortable out-right writing a scene like that, mentioning things in passing like "oh yeah I got bullied for it when I was younger" or "I actually used to cover it up with clothes and makeup" are good ideas.

Having your character also be aware of things like the time and UV index and whether or not they have sunscreen on is also important. Vitiligo is essentially the lack of melanin, which means that there's no real natural defense against sun exposure at play so being sensitive/aware of these things is a good idea especially if they're fairly new to the condition.

Maybe there's another character that also has vitiligo present in at least some aspect. Whether its just some person that your character looks up to and doesn't know personally, but knowing that they have it makes them feel better about themselves. For me this was Michael Jackson!

This is technically kind of a dont but vitiligo spots are very different depending on the variation that a person has! Spots seem to have a relatively slow progression and, as I mentioned, depending on variation, might not progress at all past certain areas. So if the character has a more progressing variation like Universal or Segmental maybe another character can note that a patch or few have gotten larger since they've last saw them especially if its been awhile and not like last moth.

That's all I can really think of as of now, but I'll reblog this if I think of anything else to add!

#vitiligo #character design #dos and donts #answered asks

[trickstarbrave]

💖, 🥺, 🎶, and 🤲 for the Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask! Any, all, none! 🖤

💖 What made you start writing?

oh god. i dont remember. i have been writing fanfics since i was like 12 in middle school. i guess i just saw fanfic for the first time then and went "holy shit you can make your own stories???????" and went off the rails. never rly stopped tbh

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

i love just like. writing the little physical touches that show how close two characters are. little couple interactions. nerevar having voryn feel his beating heart, voryn fussing over nerevar's hair, either of them comforting each other by rubbing the other's arm and shoulders.... touch is such a fun thing to play with in fics and i think can communicate a lot about how two character's feel or how they work together. idk. two characters touch tenderly and brain go brrrrr

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

sometimes yeah! if i wanna set a mood i'll listen while i write or before on loop for ideas. chapter 11 of moon and star i wrote while listening to the song "take me back to eden" and "rain" by sleep token and i think it shows tbh. but maybe im just insane i cant stop listening to sleep token please help

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

sure. actually i rly do wanna share this one rly bad actually but mind the spoilers (also i gotta change some things in it LMAO im shifting stuff around atm if it changes later u know why)

He was in a tent. A nordic tent to be precise. He recognized the style from when he was captured, though this tent was far more elegant and homely than the one they kept prisoners in. There was only a dim lantern lighting up, illuminating the space with a soft, golden-orange glow. 

Voryn stripped off his robes, letting the fabric fall from his shoulders with practiced grace and elegance, knowing another was watching him. Gooseflesh broke out across his skin as he shivered slightly from the cold air meeting him. He tried to suppress it, but it was far too difficult in this climate. Yet, he wasn’t cold for long; as his robes met the carpeted ground two large, calloused hands were rubbing against his shoulders, before warm arms took him into an embrace. 

“Daelha,” Despite saying a chimeri word, the nordic accent on the man’s tongue was thick and heavy. But in its own way it was endearing—he adored Voryn so much he wanted to refer to Voryn as ‘love’ in Voryn’s tongue so he knew his earnestness. “So beautiful, as always…” He marveled, gently stroking along his skin. Voryn had to suppress a needy hiss from the brush of rough skin on his lower stomach only fanning the flames of his desire more. Then, he twisted, facing his lover properly. 

Blue eyes stared at him with warmth and affection twinking in them, a heavy grey-brown beard on a man who barely stood taller than him. Yet, despite the satisfaction that came with knowing he was loved, there was a gnawing at his core that wouldn’t go away. A hunger that was left unfulfilled. Something so tantalizingly close, and yet so far. 

Laid out on the cot, his want only grew stronger as he lost himself in the body of the powerful warrior on top of him. He moaned and sang and cried just as he knew he enjoyed it, but part of him wasn't there at that moment. A fragment of his heart was somewhere further away, and its absence was deafeningly loud. The blue of this man’s eyes was more like snow kissed mountains than the blaring hot sky. His body was too large and too tall, even if in its own way it was satisfying to be held and thrusted into by him. His beard too, while part of him enjoyed the way it tickled him when they kissed and curled up together, reminded him of what he was missing. 

A face crossed his mind as he screwed his eyes shut, and guilt followed. A golden face with snow-white hair and a devilish grin. He always felt guilty thinking of him when making love to another, yet it was sometimes impossible not to. Voryn could tell this was another one of those nights—another night he could only find release by imagining making sweet love to Nerevar instead. His lover’s calloused hands turned into the fantasy of Nerevar touching him, and the nordic accent fades softly, the tone shifting in his ears. He wondered what Nerevar would say, if he was under the other chimer. Would Nerevar affectionately call him ‘love’ just like the nord did? Would he be sweet and gentle with all the brutal strength in his body? Or would he be rough and cruel? 

Voryn sometimes felt like he hated Nerevar, especially in moments like this. Neht haunted his thoughts, and yet cruelly ignored him. When he was captured, Nerevar didn’t even come to his rescue, instead stationing himself on the other side of Resdayn. While Voryn was getting himself out of that mess, seducing their enemy in exchange for freedom and information while his heart grieved his mother, Nerevar was trying to win the queen’s favor. When he was finally freed and saw him again, the mer only awkwardly patted him on the shoulder and gave a half hearted, sheepish smile and said he was happy to see Voryn again. 

He wondered if Nerevar wished he had died instead. 

The feeling was burning hot in his chest when he thought of it, tears stinging his eyes. His lover brushed them away with all the tenderness he always craved from Neht, and that only made his guilt grow. The leader of House Dagoth instead moaned louder, wrapping his long legs around him, and buried his face in his shoulder. His guilt ached like a raw wound as he forced himself to think about Nerevar again, about Nerevar kissing him and fucking him to completion. Of Nerevar wanting him just as badly as Voryn wanted him. 

And it was because of that Voryn knew he didn't deserve this man either. If Nerevar was horrible, then Voryn was just as bad, making love to someone as gentle as him while thinking of his oldest friend. 

“Daelha…” Voryn mumbled back as he was kissed over and over again on the cot, pressed firmly under his lover’s weight. After sex he was always affectionate, something that made Voryn feel guiltier the longer it continued. At least he knew he was guilty and wanted to do away with the habit. In time he hoped the feeling would leave him, and he could finally love this man with all his heart as he deserved…

Voryn sat straight up out of bed with a start, panic rushing through him. He felt nauseous—positively sick, his mind trying to make sense of what he saw in his dream.

It was realistic. Far too realistic for comfort. He could taste the man on his tongue, feel the chill in the air, and then the heat of the nord’s body. It felt like a memory he was reliving, not a dream. 

But how could that be? How could he conceive of a lover that wasn’t Nerevar? How could he lay beneath someone else and hold back moaning Nerevar’s name? How could part of him hate Nerevar and hate himself all at once? And why did part of him still think of that other man’s face and feel a pang of longing and guilt even now that he was awake? 

The information sunk in as he forced himself to ignore the sex that made him feel too many incomprehensible emotions. Nerevar hadn’t rescued him. He had used his trained skills of seduction to get himself out of it. He laid beneath the leader of the nords and whispered sweet nothings and promises to help him. He…

Voryn had taken Ysmir Wulfharth as a lover. Continued to lay with him long after he needed to for freedom. Whispered promises and battle plans in his ear, as he worked to find the heart of a god.

Voryn had betrayed his people, his country, and Nerevar. 

“Voryn…?” Nerevar sleepily awoke, rolling over to look up at him. In the moonlight filtering in through the windows, Voryn could see the blue of his eyes and bile climbed up his throat as he scrambled out of bed. 

“Voryn?” Nerevar asked again, now more awake and worried. “I need some air.” Voryn said swiftly, tugging on a robe. “I just need some air.” 

He rushed to the balcony, dry heaving. The cool air provided some relief, but he felt even more ashamed of himself, unable to make sense of such a revelation. 

Voryn would never betray Nerevar, would he? Nerevar had told him he only stood against him because the Heart of Lorkhan had driven him to madness. That he wasn’t in his right mind when he attacked Nerevar. And Voryn had believed him—why else would he ever try to harm Neht if it wasn’t because he wasn’t able to think clearly? 

He could feel the hate burning in his chest though, white hot and angry. He knew the emotion was something vile and twisted. Hate, rage, and vindictive spite. He loved and wanted the man who denied him and pushed him away, keeping him at arm's length. Voryn wanted him so much he despised Nerevar, until it twisted him and corrupted him. He loved Nerevar so much it turned to pure hatred and rage that he couldn’t have him. And yet, even in that swirling pit of rage over the fact that Nerevar had essentially thrown him to the hounds, he still needed him to the point he hated himself. Until it was driving him mad. Until he saw Nerevar in another and desperately tried to claw those fragments of Nerevar closer and closer. 

Voryn had seen who he used to be, like a reflection in a shattered mirror. And he did not like what he saw—what he knew. 

“Are you alright?” Nerevar asked, now dressed in a loose robe himself. The hand rubbing soothing circles was too similar to how the memory of Wulfharth touching him, and the shame made him burn and ache with self loathing. He wished he could curl up and die right there, that he had the nerve to fling himself off this balcony, but instead all he could do was grip the balcony railing until his knuckles went white as tears rolled down his face. “Voryn…?” Nerevar’s voice was soft and sweet, unlike the voice of Nerevar he remembered laying under another man. 

In this life, Nerevar came for him. In this life, Nerevar loved and embraced him. Voryn was ever grateful for that, taking immense joy and solace in the fact he was not lost like the other version of himself. 

But now Voryn knew what kind of twisted, ugly person he would be without that love. What a horrible person he would become. There was no excuse for what he did—he wanted love selfishly—wanted it because he felt entitled, because it wasn’t given to him. He wanted Nerevar all to himself, and selfishly sought to comfort himself in a way that might harm the other for his own benefit. And a core part of him, that seed of something vile, was still inside him whether he wanted it to be or not.

“I’m sorry…” Voryn sobbed, unable to hold back the shaking in his body. “Neht, I’m so—please…” 

“Voryn—” Nerevar took him by the shoulders and turned him around, forcing Voryn to face him. The look of pure concern on his face, the love and adoration and honesty swirling in his eyes was too much. 

Voryn turned sharply again, throwing up over the balcony. Nerevar—kind, sweet Nerevar—pulled his hair out of his face as he indecently wretched and continued to gag long after the contents of his stomach were empty. And then, like a broken doll, his legs collapsed as he sank onto the stone balcony, trembling and sobbing.

“Shh…” Nerevar soothed him, before gently scooping him up off the cold stone. He left the doors to the balcony open to let in the much appreciated cool breeze and laid Voryn on the bed, letting him curl up. With gentle, clumsy hands he pulled the hair from his face once more, braiding it quickly and messily just to get it out of the way, tying it off. And then he went to the water pitcher in the room bringing a glass for Voryn and also soaking a rag, wiping it across his clammy forehead. 

Unworthy, Voryn’s mind hissed. How unworthy you are of his kindness when you would betray him so callously. How cruel you are to hurt him and lie to him just because you selfishly wanted him to love you back.

And his mind was correct—how could Voryn be worthy when he was only loyal right now because he got what he wanted? How is he worthy of Nerevar when he was so loving and kind like this, while Voryn hated and despised him in the past? He was selfish, greedy, and cruel to hurt the man he claimed to love because his affections weren’t returned. Not even that harlot Vivec slept with Ysmir Wulfharth just because he couldn’t have Nerevar.

“I think you ate something you shouldn’t have,” Nerevar’s voice was soft. “It clearly didn’t agree with your stomach.” Ah, how was he still so busy fussing over Voryn like this? Hadn’t Nerevar seen him in the past, so cruel and vile? How could Nerevar treat him so kindly now that Voryn didn’t deserve it? How could Neht love him after all that Voryn had done?

He only loves you because he lied to himself, the sinister voice in his mind whispers. He tells himself you didn’t mean it, that you were driven mad by divine power. How could he ever love you knowing all that you’ve done? He would hate you, just as much as you hate yourself.

#moon and star spoilers #my writing #thank u 🥺