#and just. aughhhhhh the gentle bandaging too

[olliesneweyes]

so basically to put it lightly im really incredibly regular and ordinary but anyway

i'd imagine the murder is something constantly lingering in the back of his mind, since the guilt is always gnawing at his conscious. i think he would have nightmares about it actually, where nothing changed from the original incident, its just the sudden moment of him realizing someone's caught him doing illegal activities, and then instead of maybe getting away with a good excuse, he panics and kills a man (was it even panic? or is that just an excuse to get back at the landlord that made his life even harder?)

though, i think a bout of sleep deprivation could have the same effect where the memory just rushes forward out of nowhere. and he's entirely convinced he's covered again with blood that isn't his and he needs to get rid of the evidence before anyone notices because god. if someone notices all hell will break loose (though it would be deserved if he's a murderer, wouldnt it)

he probably over the sink for way longer than he should, desperately clawing the bloodstains off his hands yet working himself up more when the blood from his own injuries starts mixing with the water.

and then once emil comes in all rationality goes out the window because out of everyone that had to see this, it couldnt be emil. he tries to play it off as a usual thing, despite the obvious steam coming from the water

and emil looks concerned which only serves to panic him more, and this is where he starts to be a little unnerving. he knows emil said something but he couldnt hear what- it mustve been an accusation, though. at this point hes incredibly stressed and the words dont come out right and he can feel tears in his eyes because he has to be believed, or else he'll lose one of the few people who cares about him. it looks like emil might be believing him, since emil went to move him out of the bathroom, so he keeps talking and explaining despite how sore his throat is becoming and how much he's coughing until all of the sudden his voice doesnt work anymore and all that comes out are hoarse, terrible sounding coughs that seem to worsen as the tears fall incessantly.

at some point the coughing finally ends he notices emil is looking at him and holding a roll of bandages. as if asking for permission. and andrew isnt in the position to deny him anything, even if he thinks it'd be a waste of time in the end so he lets emil wrap them and help andrew steady his hands enough for him to put his gloves back on while mumbling quiet reassurances to him and once everything is done he feels emil leaning against him in an embrace that theyve been in so many times. an embrace he still wants more of despite how selfish that is

so he lets himself have this for now. and he realizes that he was just saved from the evil that plagued him by this man, even though he absolutely didnt deserve the divine treatment he was just given, and he nearly breaks down again because the weight against him is so welcoming and nonjudgmental and its all he could ever ask for at the moment

ALISTER /POS

#fave #i fucking adore this actually #Andrew is just so distressed over everything and Emil is just trying to help #the non verbal asking for permission #Andrew feeling selfish for being hugged #goddd i can imagine the water of the sink being at scalding temperature because it heats up more as it's on longer and #he's been washing his hands for SO LONG #and just. aughhhhhh the gentle bandaging too #Andrew not wanting to deny Emil anything despite being so scared and then that reverent trust paying off because it really did help #and he probably trusts Emil even more because of it #augjhhhhh I'm ill /pos #idv