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actualbird · 2 years

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observations on the boys' personal story 3s part 1: vyn, luke, and opposite methods resulting in a similar consequence

[obligatory disclaimer that these r just my own thoughts and interpretations. spoilers for perso story 3 and some cards here and there too]

so ive been percolating thoughts in my brain bout the perso story 3s and it's fascinating to me how some of the boys' stories are acting as two sides of a similar coin or linking directly with similarities despite being so so different at first glance. currently, im still not done with marius' but ive already put together some thoughts about vyn and luke, so i'll go thru this first:

vyn and luke are doing opposite "methods" irt how theyre treating mc. ive seen a few other people talk about this and YES, THANK GOD because this was the first thing i picked up on after finishing vyn and luke's personal story 3s.

vyn wants to expose mc to the darkness of the world, and luke (albeit indirectly and not much a focus in his personal story but still apparent in like, literally everything else hes ever done) wants to shield and protect mc from the darkness of the world.

but while these seem to be opposites, theres a p clear link still between what theyre doing

vyn richter: controlled exposure

vyn's rationale for his exposure is clearly explained in the flashback of the very last bit of his perso story 3, in his monolog about eagles teaching their young how to fly.

(pictured: vyn making the knife cat expression. oh and also the metaphor)

and like, while this is a KINDA INTENSE WAY TO WORD IT, LOL (part of me thinks that this was vyn tryna one up cap morgan in this scene by wholly unsettling him. TACTICS!) this completely tracks. like, Yeah, experience leads to growth and in a world as complex and fucked up as the world is, exposure to the ugly and scary and whatnot helps one learn and become stronger.

however, i think it's key to note the context of the eagle monolog. this whole bit happens cuz captain "third wheel" morgan criticizes not just vyn's choice to allow mc to talk with uhhhh whatshisname, the PUA poet guy who looks like nearly every dude i saw in the fine arts department of my college. morgan also criticizes vyn's choice to keep mc in the dark.

morgan and vyn hatched this plan together, and for a while, mc was missing parts of the story and chunks of information. vyn wants to expose her to the evils of the world for her growth, yes, but he also does so in a controlled manner where he held more of the cards and set up more of the situations.

it's exposure but it's controlled by the strings vyn is pulling.

let me now pivot to luke.

luke pearce: controlled protection

luke's personal story 3 indirectly tackles his desire to protect mc. at this point, hes still keeping his illness a secret and also works hilariously hard keeping sphynx's true identity away from her. this is luke still protecting mc from certain darknesses (i.e. his illness, aaron who would also link to his illness)

(pictured: luke pearce digging an even deeper hole for himself)

but outside of his perso story 3, the protection shtick is apparent as hell.

main story 5.1 and the whole NOOOO, LEAVE THE NXX TEAM, IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!! lost gold and the whole nOOO, I DONT WANT U TO SEE MY MURDER SIDE!! smaller moments here and there where luke employs a well-meaning but ultimately condescending kind of chivalry: sott and the whole TOMB EXPLORING IS DANGEROUS TOUGH WORK, LET ME DO IT. him doing 90% of the work in SR Timely Rescue and making mc feel like crud, him being overprotective in SSR Iridescent Heartbeat and making mc pissed. YOU GET MY POINT.

overprotection leads to controlling another person's actions. this is what they can and cant do, what they can and cant know, etc.

like listen, im a luke stan, and to me, this is one of his most apparent and interesting character flaws: he wants to protect so much to the point that he ends up disregarding mc's feelings and right to make her own choices.

putting things together: exposure and protection act as opposites, but both vyn and luke are controlling whats happening

looking at vyn and luke together shows that theyre not as different as theyd first seem: vyn goes the route of exposing mc to world's bad parts but it's an exposure hes still ultimately in control of. luke goes the route of protecting mc from the world's bad parts in a way that, whether intentional or not, attempts to control her actions.

both of them are doing what theyre doing out of love. they want mc safe. vyn sees her safety as something that will grow along with her skills and potential due to the exposure and while that happens, he'll play protector at the sidelines, ready to swoop in should she ever be in danger. luke sees mc's safety as something that can persist so long as he acts as a shield from all dangers, be it situations or cases or information he doesnt want her to know.

vyn and luke are employing these opposite methods out of the same motivation: love for mc

yet these opposite methods also results in a similar consequence: removing mc's agency to a certain extent.

i'd like to see this tackled as the stories progress. luke said in his perso story 3 that he doesnt wanna lie anymore, but hes....still lying a lot sdkfhsd. at least theres awareness now! baby steps!!

meanwhile vyn's story hinted at his method maybe failing in the future, with darius' warning to him that vyn wont be able to control everything in the world, even vyn has limitations.

at some point, the control both of them are exhibiting is gonna fall through and things will come to light

then mc will see whats been hidden from her, and from there, she the choices she makes are truly unimpeded and wholly hers.

#tears of themis #luke pearce #vyn richter #tot luke #tot vyn

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atreehugginghippie · 2 years

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no, wills confession does not, in fact, also apply to el.

okay so ive seen people try and say that wills speech in the van can still be applied to el- that thats why will was able to even say all of it. and that annoys me so im here to explain how the speech doesnt apply to el at all like every other byler on tumblr !

1. "Because, I mean, without heart {mike}, we'd all fall apart. Even El. Especially El. These past few months, she's been so lost without you."

okay.. so i dont know how to explain this but el is going through a crisis bc she doesnt know who she is. she needs stability, encouragement, love, family and friends. she thinks shes lost her dad, moved from the ONLY place shes ever had anyone, is relentlessly bullied, etc. she doesnt know whats missing because shes never been allowed to figure herself out (from the lab, to hiding, etc). she doesnt know what she wants because shes never been allowed to think about it. she wants mike bc mike is 'easy'. familiar. a reminder. will however- as young as he is- has never seemed to not know himself. hes always seemed to know who he is- even if he hates doesnt like some aspects. and he knows mike, more than anyone probably. will knows whats missing from his life- friends, acceptance- and he knows what would ease it- mike, soft words, reassurance. he wants mike because mike is, well, mike.

2. " It's just, she's so different from other people, and... ( haltingly ) ...when you're... when you're different, sometimes... ( sighs ) ...you feel like a mistake."

agreed. this applies to both el and will. byers twins twinning. cool, moving on to the bigger part of this chunk-

"But you make her feel like she's not a mistake at all. Like she's better for being different"

it always confuses me when people say this speech can also be applied to el but especially because of this part. because just a few eps into the season she was questioning whether or not he sees her as a monster. she was worried he saw her as a monster like everyone else. and the whole 'what did you do? what did you do?' right after the angela hit. and the 'she didnt look fine' at the table. making her feel guilt and shame instead of trying to help and understand. its been like this since season one, really. the 'what did you do' is even, in my opinion, paralleled when el threw lucas in the first season. and the fight he had with her when wills body was found, making her feel guilt. as if it was her fault. it probably feels, to her, that its always her fault when her trauma gets too much or she cant control her powers. so yeah the speech doesnt fit. does it ?

2.5. so this is a continuation of the last quote so reread that and come back.

"And that gives her the courage to fight on."

the vines vecna was choking her with tightened when mike was telling her he loved her. that she was a superhero. that his life started the day he met her. why is that ? i thought he was supposed to give her courage in being different? and why is it that every time she finds her strength its because her loved ones are in danger or hurting. or- and this is super important- it's because she is finding herself. it's bc she had a moment where she accepts herself. it doesnt have anything to do with mike- or anyone else. and her courage, and im not even talking powers here, comes the same way.

3. " If she was mean to you or she seemed like she was pushing you away, it's because she's scared of losing you, like you're scared of losing her. And if she was going to lose you, I... I think she'd rather just get it over with quick. Like ripping off a Band-Aid."

el really wasnt 'mean' to mike. far from it. the only 'blow up' she had at him in season three was a breakup that was framed as a joke and mild eyerolls and comments that were soon forgotten. and in season four the only time she was 'mean' (honest) was the "from mike" scene...

and she was never pushing mike away. he kept her at arms length. she wrote to him constantly, made sure he felt welcomed when visiting, etc. and she didnt lie to keep him distanced, she lied because she thought it would keep everyone happy.

will though, wills been more 'snappish' at mike. less tolerant of his bullshit. will didnt reach out when he couldve. hes terrified that mike will cut him off eventually (esp for his 'secret') and so to save that heartbreak- he thinks of doing it first. but.. he cant. it hurts just as much anyway.

yes, el and mike are scared to lose eachother. theyre scared to lose all their friends. however how this is worded means something different. and its not the way mike and el are scared of losing eachother. el and mike leave fights unresolved. will and mike never want to. why is that ?

4. "So, yeah, El needs you, Mike. And she always will."

then why does el always seem happier when theyre not romantically together ?

el can get on without him as a boyfriend after awhile. she, at the end of the day doesnt need him like that.

everytime will and mike fight its framed as if its just as important as the end of the world. why is that ?

#byler #byler analysis #i have no life im sorry 💀#the van scene #wills confession #byler endgame #will byers #mike wheeler

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dream-critical · 1 year

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i kinda just want to get this off my chest . my bad if this isn’t even the right place to say this lmao. ive been a fan of tommy for quite a while and im well aware hes close with dream but my god. i do not like dream i fucking hate him tbh

obviously hes not going to suddenly drop dream anytime soon out of the blue but some dumb part of my brain wishes he would lololol

i know im not the only tommy fan who’s also a ‘dranti’ or whatever the fuck . and i really just dont know if i should stop watching him or continue what ive doing- engaging in his content while ignoring everything abt dteam

hes on thin ice for me right now i guess . idk anymore

As someone who used to be a very avid Tommy watcher and someone that really tried to stick with him until the allegations happened (after seeing him constantly interact with dream on twitter I just unfollowed/unsubscribed etc as my interest was fading and I was barely watching his videos anyway and it was genuinely frustrating to see him act like that), I totally get that.

A lot of inniters downright hate dream. And like. Yeah I get that, but I think like. After a certain point you should probably like realize that Tommy is openly friends with dream and even has made jokes about the situation and he's not going to stop anytime soon. And I really think that just taking a step back and just. Dropping him for now would be the best move.

Tbh like I think one thing influencing the whole thing is the fact that Tommy is clinging to the dsmp for dear life bc he just kind of seems lost? As if he doesn't know what to do and how to proceed without the dsmp.

The exile merch, the announcement for yet another "dsmp finale" etc.

Tommy has potential, but I feel like he's throwing it all away bc he refuses to separate himself and his brand from dream and also bc it seems like he just did not expect to lose that big of a chunk of his audience this fast. If the allegations didn't happen he wouldn't have afaik, but he did and now he's just. Stuck like this.

Anyway I haven't watched any of his content in ages so I might be slightly wrong, feel free to correct me ig.

#mercury.txt #asks #anonymous #cc critical #dream critical #dream neg

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tvlandofficial · 1 year

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Can I just say I love how the TV keeps getting plugged and unplugged in this blog’s canon

Like. Most people would assume that it’s been unplugged for years until just getting plugged back in in Chapter 2 for whatever reason,

But honestly one thing I’ve wanted to talk about for a while but never know how to word is how the reason fan content of future Chapters never really hits the same way the real thing does is because of assumptions like that. Unlike Toby, who already knows what he’s gonna do with everything, we as the fans don’t typically take the opportunity to build off of small stuff like that, or just add new things to old characters instead of simply recycling what we currently have. Despite the fact that a lot of things we didn’t know in Chapter 1 actually came from things we did know, like how when you see the knockoff controller for the console under Kris��s bed, you’re supposed to assume that it was used by them as yet another visual display of their inferiority complex, only to find out that it was actually used by Asriel so they could have the real one. Or how it was revealed in Chapter 2 that Alphys’s “Cat” is actually Susie. Or how Queen’s sipping noises from Chapter 4 were never shown off or foreshadowed previously, they were just made up on the spot because her whacky personality allows for that kind of randomness, and in turn, also makes it kinda off-brand for her to not have new stuff. The thing about the plug is especially synonymous with the first thing ‘cause the whole extra lore about Toriel being some kinda god basically hinges on it

Overall, I’d say it’s safe to say adding small new things and building off of small old things is a decent chunk of what makes DR as good as it is, and without that, it just feels like something’s missing

Not that that’s not understandable. Coming up with your own shit can be pretty hard, especially if you’re not planning on covering a full Chapter’s worth of content. Plus the concern about how poorly stuff like that might age, considering what happened with Mike- Shit I’m getting side tracked

Anyway yeah, I like how this blog’s take on the Chapter has a neat detail like that

this is so sweet, thank you anon! 😭 like ive said before i dont wanna knock other people's fan chapters - the creativity in this fandom is really great and i love seeing what people come up with! there's a lot of it that i haven't really been able to keep up with, and lots of ocs that seem to have popped up because one person made a cool little idea and people latched on. but for tvland, i wanted to keep it tied to the game as we know it as much as i can, even with the nature of this kind of thing making a lot of it have to rely on my own creativity and headcanons. a lot of people have told me tvland is somewhat unique in that regard, so i'm glad everything people have been coming up with seems to be their own!

kris unplugging tenna and throwing out all their things bc of how they sympathize w the darkners is an idea ive gotten more and more attached to as time goes on. i can't know exactly what's going on in toby's head, but i like to write the blog as though someone handed me deltarune as an unfinished game and went "how would this end?" the big line of the game is "no one can choose who they are in this world", and i'm sure people who've been following and will keep following me and @officialralsei have probably picked up on where that theme pops up again and again. i don't want to show my whole hand when it comes to what i'm doing here, since i am telling a story at the end of the day, but the two of us spend so much time going over the darkner stuff in the game with a fine-tooth comb that i at least hope i made a satisfying continuation to it here.

in the end, this tenna won't be canon. but she means a lot to me, and it seems like a lot of people love her! if it turns out she's a totally different character in canon, we can just pretend this one is her long-lost cousin or something :P

#ooc #long post #WOW. thank you anon

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heytoneejay · 2 years

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(i published this on my facebook page on the 10th of may 2022... reposting it here for posterity.)

as a person who grew up evangelical... the past 6 years and most importantly this election period has taught me that the catholic church cares more about my country than whatever evangelical church ive been to. ironic, because evangelicals are always striving to be relevant, to tap into the culture, to reach this generation. and yet at this time when we are starved of the truth and the system is failing us, all we get in return from them are the same old platitudes: "god is sovereign," "pray for wisdom," "pray for our leaders." perhaps i would have accepted this if things were more grey. like let's say we had choices that wouldn't actually be immoral. but at a time like this when things are distinctly black and white, is being neutral really the christian response? and why be neutral? why be silent? because we don't want to cause division? because people will leave church and go to hell? please, please remind me of a time when jesus ever felt bothered because droves of people left him. because i don't remember that at all. i can't, for the life of me, believe that the church where i played reverb-y guitar worship songs for a good chunk of my young adult life has turned its back on me and my generation with its silence. the church that told me to carry my cross and to bear the shame of sharing the gospel to my "lost" classmates in college would not even carry its own cross by upholding the truth even at the risk of losing attendance--and consequently tithes and offerings. and that truth is so important. because expressing it, upholding it, championing it would affect not just me. but also my future children, and my children's children, and their children, and so on. protecting that truth would help build a society where they can live freely and fearlessly. sure there are pastors here and there voicing their opinions, but that's really the bare minimum. you're supposed to do that. but it's just not enough. way too many evangelicals have a distorted perspective that they cannot even tell which is fact and which is fiction. to be fair, the catholic church is not perfect. they have their own share of darkness. and perhaps their efforts have not always borne fruit. but at least i can certainly see they are trying. it's odd that a priest in vestments would be more in step with the times than a pastor in full uniqlo costume. it's really fucking odd. especially when you grew up believing that the catholics are the ones who do not know christ. LISTEN. i don't need you to tell us what to choose. that's not the point. but at least show us when we're being fooled like sheep for the slaughter. because from where i stand, you just watched thousands of us be manipulated by blatant lies. i don't really know where this post is going. it's 3am. i feel tired. if there will be negative comments, to be honest, i dont fucking care. only proves my point. will long lost evangelical friends suddenly reach out to me? will there be concerned leaders? i dont know. but it's too late for that now, isn't it. praying for peace and strength.

#christianity #spirituality #leni robredo #lenikiko2022 #philippine elections

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djsangos · 23 hours

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ooc || 1, 6, 10, 11, 13, 20

1- Have you ever come close to dying? many a fucking time

6- Have you ever taken someone’s life? uh ive definitely splatted my fair share of people some of which probably didnt respawn they were also trying to kill me but i cant say knowing some of them probably didnt come back doesnt make me feel some sort of way

10- Name one (or a few) people in your life whose death would ruin you. the death of any single one of the agents or gramps would fucking destroy me gramps nearly dying in alterna definitely fucking did ruin me for a good second there and like i know hes getting up there and its going to happen for real within my lifetime and uh actually i dont want to think about that anymore

11- Who do you think would miss you most if you were gone? prooooobably either eight or marie i mean everyone probably would but those 2 might miss my insane bullshit a little bit more

13- If you had to choose a way to die, what would you choose? it better be cool like exploding in a ball of fire or doing something super badass like saving a baby from a collapsing building and the baby gets out fine but im crushed beneath the rubble and everyone remembers me for how cool and badass i was for saving that baby and not how much of a loser i was for getting caught in the rubble

20- If you’ve ever had a near-death experience, describe what happened and what you saw/experienced. i dont want to describe what i went through during possession via evil phone goop to anyone but my therapist but i was like half conscious throughout a good chunk of the hospital visit after the fact until like a day later they were like 'oh good youre conscious anyway we did our best to save your eye but you still might have lost some vision in it also your brain is probably irreversibly fucked up and youll never be the same again but congratulations youre not a zombie' okay thats like exaggeration but thats what it felt like

#wonderful-balan #ic ask #death //#ask to tag

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kanside · 8 months

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sentimental things

feel free not to read, this little entry is kindof a bummer

my grandma and grandpa on my moms side, my oma and opa on my dads side.

i try to think of the gifts they gave to me beyond money, physical items.

ill be blunt, i dont know any of them well. my grandpa is a bit creepy, missing a chunk of his brain, a classic narcissist, perhaps one of the only people i consider a lost cause. i still wish i had a grandpa though. of the few times i remember seeing his bashed in creepy face, his eyes always seemed sweet. despite the horror stories ive always been told about his actions and failures as a parent and grandparent.

i havent seen any of my grandparents on either side in a long time.

my grandma has cancer bummer i tried reaching out to her, she never understood me being trans but always respected it. we simply never got to talk much.

i couldnt hold a conversation with her. even now she ghosts my mom about her condition. i dont think she'll make it long. i dont know how to feel about that lol

ive never had to deal with the concept of grief before. ive tried talking about it, but nobody really understands. i got lucky, i guess. the only grief i knew was people willingly leaving me due to my own bad actions. i never knew anyone i loved or wanted to love who was torn away by death. i had a dog once, her name was chewie. but i was too young to understand the connection i couldve formed with her. she didnt like living with us, so we gave her to grandma and grandpa and she lived and died with them. i didnt grieve. i felt bad, i worried for my sibling's grief, but i didnt experience what everyone calls grief. i just moved on, cus i hadnt had anything else to do.

i dont understand grief, i dont understand what it feels like and i dont understand how to cope with it. i dont understand how to support people going through grief. and i dont know how i feel about my grandmother dying. because she is, and i wish she wasnt, but she's a smoker and my parents are smokers and we all know that at a certain point when you smoke too much you either get cancer or you dont, and once you have cancer theres no getting rid of it for good, i think.

i dont know if what im experiencing is a sort of grief, or perhaps my body warning me. saying "hey. your mom is grieving. shes going to grieve more. thats her mother dying, thats your mother's mother you never got a chance to understand in your adulthood and befriend. that's a person in the wrong place at the wrong time. surrounded by the wrong people and down the wrong path. yet she kept trying her best and supporting the best she could, even though your mother says she didnt do enough."

maybe its missing out. jealousy maybe? thats a little fucked up lol. i just want to understand. i just want to be prepared, because i know death and grief comes to everyone, and i dont have room to be unprepared for such a thing.

im a little off track

recently (well actually not recently, my time streams a little fucked. im not remembering in the right order. it was actually a long time ago i think. earlier this year) my mom went a trip. she brought me back a few trinkets, a few amethyst necklaces she picked up from some street shop. i dont like jewlery, it feels suffocating. it feels unnatural and weird.

but my perception changed. i really like when that happens. i really like my brain accepting new things. i began wearing the necklace nonstop. i tricked my own anxiety, i said "this necklace is a barrier, it is protection. i wear this and it channels the love of my own mother. it is a shield." the only time i didnt wear it was when i showered. i think i even wore it at the amusement park, but i dont remember. i stopped having dreams. i still dont know how to feel about that. i like dreams, but i also dont like them. they were becoming disruptive, distracting. now i could control when i had them. i could control how strong they were. at first they were intense and overbearing, but the longer i wore the necklace the more they subsided.

but i wasnt getting good sleep, at least not recently. i suppose i got overwhelmed with the feeling, irritated. now i take the necklace off at night and i dream. not much makes sense in my dreams, but i started doing therapy again, so i suppose it cant hurt to get lost in my head now and then.

im off track again

gifts

when i was really really little, i assume, too little to remember. my oma would make little gifts. a part of me likes it a lot more than money, but i know that physical things are too precious and too short lived, and they always end up collecting dust in my closet because i have no space in my room and my mind to have them.

she liked to sew little things together. i have a pillowcase with my deadname on it, its pink and cute. its started to fall apart

there are holes and rips in it. it is tearing to bits. but i have three pillows, and third pillow on the top right under my head must have oma's pillowcase. i dont know if its the unwillingness to let things go, even temporarily, but i still want to sleep with it even if it needs repairs or is unsalvagable.

my mom said "if its so sentimental then just store it away, we have more pillowcases" i responded, in another room by myself, when i thought up a better thing to say: "when you dont have people in your life, sentimental things mean more."

i dont know if thats the right way to word it. i dont have a good memory, i lose people regularly. not to death, but to time. to mistakes and growth and moving on. there are images of people in my closet from early days in school that i just know meant so much to me, but i dont know their names. i dont remember their voices. i dont know what they meant to me. i cant even grieve. the weight on my heart is not sadness, but a sort of confusion? like wonder, maybe. "i wonder what we were. i wonder what we could've been."

well, its whatever. life moves on. i will continue to dream and get lost in my thoughts. i will continue to fantasize about an unlikely future where i build a nice little cob house on a family farm and live off of the land that is totally not dying by man's hand. i will avoid the definition of feelings i do not understand, like grief, and wait until i learn the hard way. the hard way is the only way i've ever willingly learned, after all.

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d0un0m3 · 1 year

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getting my life back PART ONE

i used to be big in photography but my depression took over and i lost a lot of my hobbies like photography (duh), drawing, reading, and writing. but recently ive decided to try and take my life back like who i am and the person i want to be.

so recently i spent a chunk of my savings on a new camera and itll come in the mail soon and hopefully i can get better again.

but what i really want to talk about is how i gained this hope for myself back.

there is a person named Norman Reedus. you might know him from the walking dead as Dayrl Dixon. he is kind, genuine person and not only an actor but also a photographer. i recently came across his work after trying to learn about him and it is fantastic i dont know how i didnt know about him before. so i read some interviews he had and found out this man and completely different human being thinks like me or at least how i used to think when i was more myself and not what the internet made me be. he had dedicated some of his work to road kill and when i was young (about 12) i used to do that with my camera as well.

but back to the interviews. theres one where someone asks him about what personality traits he finds most appealing and honesty was the one he talked about most. now i am against lying completely. i remember what it was like to have to lie in order to be safe but i moved and now i never want to remind myself of that time again so i refuse to lie. everyone im friends with knows this about me and the fact that i say what is on my mind no matter what. Norman Reedus explains how it ruins it for him when people lie and i completely feel that way, i personally will never see you the same again.

in another the interviewer asks him about fitting in and he talks about how he doesnt want to fit in, how its not intresting. he says "And whats so bad about not feeling pretty inside?" it really opened my eyes and brought me to tears reading it for the first time. i never thought about that. why? why hate yourself for not being normal on the inside? why judge so harshly to the person you have to spend the rest of your life with?

they also speak about his style and how its dark and he goes

"I like dark things. i like the reasons why things are dark"

"what do you mean" she asks

"you know, like tears can be very pretty. like when someones crying and feeling horrible-- watching that happen, or watching yourself do that, finding those little minute reasons and avenues that lock into why they feel like that, theres something very cathartic and beautiful about it. i think once i sort of accepted parts of that into myself, i felt better about myself."

when i was young i thought i was sick, horrible, and wrong for the way i viewed things and the things i did. i thought id never even make it to 15 (and here i am past that). i thought id end up going crazy or in jail because i truly thought i was horrible for thinking differently.

THIS IS JUST PART ONE ILL CONTINUE PROBABLY TOMORROW> I JUST HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY AND DONT WANT ONE POST TO BE SUPER LONG.

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dourpeep · 3 years

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dont look @ me ive been Fixated on the kazuxiaoreader au, SPECIFICALLY the modern au but like. yknow, reincarnated and xiao remembers his past life, that one. and ive been thinkin abt that. and like.

the Joy of not only bein able to meet his s/os again, (even if they dont remember anything abt their past lives in teyvat) but getting along well right off the bat and becoming best friends and then comes the pining.

like, sometimes, to xiao it feels as if theyre picking up where they left off as if reader and kazu never died in the first place. and then he remembers theyre not exactly together anymore, which is strange to think abt since they never broke up, and with the knowledge of the past xiao can clearly tell theyre all smitten.

so i feel like. since this is somewhat of a second chance at life and love, hed be a Little more bold, since he 1) knows how they feel, 2) DEARLY missed them, 3) feels as if his time with them was too short (since he lived so long and human lifetimes are super short in perspective And, bc we KNOW this man woulda taken SO long to warm up enough for an actual relationship to happen)

so like just imagine, the trio in xiaos bedroom (before being Official and before he got a bigger bed) like hangin out and reader is like

"3 best friends in a room~ they might kiss~" as a joke but not really and before kazu can shoot back with more joke but also not really flirting, xiaos like "they will." leaving kazu and reader stunned but like in a good way 🤌✨

he sips his drink and avoids their eyes like he didnt say anything afterwards cuz hes still shy but hey hes tryin. like comment and subscribe mwah

FOR SURE

Ugh god I love them so much. This little lovely trio...ahhh

After so long without his loves...? The lights of his life? The ones who singlehandedly could bring him back from the depths of his thoughts and the insecurities and fears that constantly eat at him???

The moment that he sees them he's already made his decision. Truthfully, he's decided mere decades into his newfound solitude following their passing.

No matter how long it would take, no matter how much wooing he would have to do (Xiao's cheeks flush at the thought of taking initiative--it's been a bit since he's held them in his arms), he would sweep them off their feet time and time again. Through any lifetime, any era-

Anything to be reunited with the ones he loves and the ones who love him in return.

Of course, it's sweet--when he does bump into you (as he finds you first again), you laugh and apologize because, ah of course his coffee has spilled over the front of his shirt. You pat his chest with a wad of hurriedly gathered napkins and he hasn't spoken a word.

It's you.

It really, truly is you.

You joke about how he's speechless. Something about if he's fallen in love with you or something and Xiao desperately wants to tell you that he's loved you all along. But he holds back for now because he remembers how Kazuha (way back when) teased Xiao for his eagerness in affection when the then-adeptus (now retired?) bluntly stated his intentions.

When he doesn't speak, you're concerned.

Then, he offers to buy you a drink.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around?" The laugh that bubbles sends a shock through his system. He missed your laugh so much.

The realization of his offer hits him as well, though, and his cheeks flush a pretty pink and he looks off to the side as he mumbles a sweet compliment. That day, he goes home to his apartment $4.25 poorer with a smile on his lips and your number in his phone.

It's a few months later that he sees Kazuha.

Xiao should've known better than to run after the afternoon bus (that he'd just gotten off of) and really should've known better than to try to beat it to the next stop.

But the flash of pale hair with a chunk of striking red made his heart skip in his chest and mind go blank.

The coincidence of meeting you and the fact that there was someone--possibly--who could be his other long lost love was too important not to risk being late for his shift.

Luckily for him, though, the man stepped off the bus that next stop, gazing at Xiao with amused delight. But...rather than leaving the bus entirely, he stands on the last step (having let everyone else through), holding onto the side railing with his head tilted in question.

"Did you forget something?"

Of course, Kazuha hasn't lost the light tease to his words.

"You--" He wheezes a bit. That was a lot of running.

"Me?"

Kazuha steps off the bus now, the sounds of the air brakes puffing mingling with the sound of the vehicle accelerating away as soon as he's safely on the curb.

"No-! No I just-"

And Kazuha shakes his head with a smile, reassuring that he was only teasing the dark-haired man.

It turns out that Kazuha was only just moving back to the city after a while of living abroad. Thinking about this, Xiao can't help but chuckle. Both of you really haven't changed one bit.

A month later the three of you are reunited. On accident, actually.

Xiao planned to introduce you on a later date, but instead, at work, you both ended up surprising him unintentionally.

Definitely worth it to see the fluster on his face.

You...you already knew each other.

Thus!

The three of you begin to hang out more often. It was almost like before. Almost.

When you're all gathered in his room after his work shift, you sit on the bed with Kazuha laying across it, Xiao shuffling around his closet trying to find the right shirt. It's become pretty commonplace for you to be around each other (normally gathering at Xiao's place) to the point that a shirtless Xiao hardly is a head turner (well...okay no, it certainly is).

He joins you on the bed, gently nudging Kazuha to scoot to make room.

"3 best friends in a room~"

You lean heavily on Xiao's shoulder, laughing.

"They might kiss-!"

Kazuha flicks at you, lips parting to speak until-

"They will."

And for once, Xiao's rendered you both silent instead of the other way around.

It's palpable, the few moments following.

Kazuha's first, naturally, sitting up to face Xiao. In his chest, he can feel the familiar flutter of his heart, a whisper of that promise that he has long since forgotten. And you feel it as well. You've felt it long before you bumped into Xiao.

The fact that it's only gotten louder since meeting him, since reuniting with Kazuha? It can't be coincidence.

With bated breath, Kazuha leans in to brush his fingertips against your hand. Their lips touch.

And it feels like home.

#anon asks #kazuha x xiao x reader #xiao and his two lovely dumb s/o's #modern au #soulmate au #reincarnation au #modern au xiao #modern au kazuha #genshin impact xiao #genshin impact kazuha #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact fics #genshin impact drabbles #polycule #polyamory

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intervoids · 2 years

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I've gotta go to sleep but like i do love vash the stampede, i in no way think hes a flawless, like hes a creep to women which is the biggest flaw of the entire series, which sucks bigtime. but the art style of trigun is just so fucking good. like to date its my favorite like low tech post apocalypse and def my fav desert post apocalypse. i think they do the western thing very well also. and like its just so fucking cool where they take their art style and how much they do with such a simple and old premise.

vash being the classic, 'i refuse to take a human life no matter what' is done really well but like they do such a good job of juxtaposing it with how cringe and fail he is, and that is also a quality thats been done to death before and since in other anime. and im not really into many anime but ive been exposed to a lot of them through friends. but they do such a good job of like slowly turning the character to show more and more of him through the episodes and like it never feels like theyre not revealing more of him as a person but it also never feels like theyre just going through the motions and doing rhe same thing twice but more or twice but with a twist like every other show does

and then they give you wolfwood with his tits out for jesus and he he has no problem killing, just like everyone else. then you find out more about vash and youre like shit i see youre doing the age old oh he was so human and taught us how to be human even though hes a monster. but thats not human, and this guy has so much goddamn love in his heart for humanity and it literally tears chunks off his immortal body year by year, just because he refuses to cause harm

and like the show never tries too hard to make you feel that, i never feel like the tone or the characters were just tools to pry my heart open to these feelings, the show did such a fucking good job of just letting me feel how i wanted and even though thst was its intent, the atmosphere and plot and characterization just get you there and the show gets you there so gently and just coaxes the emotions out of you so incredibly patiently, all while never being boring. which is fucking incredible

and then theres wolfwood, who when met with the superhuman and met with this thing thats as close as anyone has ever glimpsed of something beyond the human, like vash is closer to god than anyone living, and hes taken with him just like everyone else is. but wolfwoods a hot priest who kills when he needs to even past this higher powered up dude pleading constantly with everyone to settle things without killing. and eventually, patiently, gently, he listens and he tries to do the thing that the show has shown us but never really told us clearly or pointed to, that the superhuman is the only one anywhere who does this. and wolfwood dies like anyone anywhere would if they tried this. vash is in many ways not human, the human who tried to live up to the extremely human ideals dies and the superhuman lives.

but ... eventually the superhuman, who youve watched be in love with humanity for like 20 episodes and youve watched him try to live as a human as much as he can, he fails and he has to break his code and act against his most closely held beliefs. he doesnt die after this, hes maybe never the same again but not extremely, but hes just had a little piece of his soul defiled so that the people he loved were okay. and then he just has to keep on going, having lost something, and having lost

and he learns so much about being human, by losing, by giving up you ideals when the stakes are high enough and its awful but you keep on going and you dont abandon those ideals but you also don't abandon those people

and so he goes on, having had his soul tread on, having been broken, and so much hasn't changed even with so much having changed. and he is human and he knows love and it fills him even after life shatters him, and he still cares, and hes got a cool gun for an arm

#yeah #TRIGUN #and trigun spoilers #spoilers

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risukadarlin · 3 years

Text

[diabolik lovers] versus iv vol. 4: reiji vs azusa - track three

3; impending decisions

listen along・masterpost

COMMENT:

i dont usually add comments to each track but omg i didnt expect so many people to read my translations 🥺

thank u all so much! i'm assuming its thanks to reiji, lol! most of his cds seem to be translated other than this one. if any of his cds still need translating let me know and i’ll do it next! i have most of them.

he was the first character i fell in love with AND the reason i carried on to play more otome games so i owe him a massive chunk of my life as it is. stop putting me in his debt!!! lmao

thank u all for the kind words and i hope u continue to enjoy my translations!

much love ❤️

✿

Azusa:

Hey, Eve…

I wonder if Reiji… isn’t really okay…

Right?

Maybe we should… let him rest…

Reiji:

Azusa, I assume you’re trying to keep your voice low, but I can hear everything.

Azusa:

Ah, I’m sorry...

I’m just… worried...

Reiji:

I said it is nothing.

There is no need to pry more than that.

Stop wasting your energy thinking about it.

Azusa:

Okay…

I’m sorry…

I won’t say… anything else...

Reiji:

More remarkably, the next door has come into view.

I wonder what is written on the switches.

Azusa:

“Door” and “Azusa”.

Reiji:

This is…

Our choice?

If we choose “Azusa”, we cannot continue and the game ends.

But if we choose “Door”, then Azusa…

He even knew that I would come here with Azusa.

Kino…

How much will you dirty your hands before you’re satisfied?

You ask what we should do, but we have no choice other than to find another way to continue.

This is a choice we cannot make.

Azusa:

But… if we don’t hurry… everyone’s lives will be… in danger...

Reiji:

Yes, but these things are both of equal importance to us.

Azusa:

Reiji, we don’t need to… hesitate here...

Reiji:

Azusa. What on earth are you doing?

Azusa:

Eve, listen to me.

If Reiji is with you… you’ll be fine from… now on…

I don’t mind… as long as everyone… is safe…

I decided to protect you… even with my life…

So...

Reiji:

Wait, Azusa.

You don’t plan to...

Azusa:

Reiji…

Save everyone… for me…

Promise me...

Reiji:

Azusa! A pitfall?

Azusa!

It closed.

If I use my power, this measly cover shouldn’t stop me…

Don’t come closer.

I am aware of the danger.

But if I break the floor, I may be able to save Azusa.

Why can’t I?

My apologies.

I was just a little dizzy.

I appear to have exhausted my magic.

Yes, as you guessed, I used my powers earlier, when I was alone in the library.

I believed destroying this whole building would be the easiest way to escape.

In the end, I cannot control my father’s powers.

I cannot even destroy the boundaries set by Kino.

I am at a loss.

That I would be this helpless…

For what reason did I inherit my father’s strength?

Aren’t I pathetic?

To force Azusa to make such a choice.

And to not even be able to stand from exhaustion…

I am more than disappointed in myself.

I was not aware I was such a weak man.

Anyway, we must hurry forward.

You.

What are you doing?

Let go of me…

I must continue!

Huh? Your blood?

No.

I’m rather parched after using so much magic.

I do not believe I will be able to be gentle with you.

Move.

Why are you so disobedient?

I really must discipline you.

This means you do not mind if it is painful, I assume?

That’d you’d agree so quickly.

I might go insane.

Understood.

It’s clear that I need blood.

Just this once, I’ll grant your wish.

Give me your arm.

It hurts, doesn’t it?

You can still run away now, if you wish.

You can take it?

What guts.

It’s almost as if you were desperate for this to happen.

Your other arm.

Your blood really is exceptional.

And the fact it belongs to you is also satisfying.

Bring your face close.

I’ll drink from your lips.

You seem to be in a daze.

Thank you kindly.

I feel much better.

I may have lost my composure at Azusa’s sacrifice.

To so recklessly use my power…

I apologise.

I behaved disgracefully.

I am still unfit to lead our family.

If I had not been the one to inherit my father’s power, we would likely not be here.

No, this is not the time for feeble complaints.

Let us proceed.

The door Azusa risked his life for.

We have to go forward.

There is also a high chance he is safe.

It is not too late.

I will soon drag out the creator of this pathetic game.

And I will bring everyone home safely.

Azusa left it to me, after all.

I shall enter first.

Do not stray too far from me.

Another constrictive corridor.

But this time we can see the door already.

Yes.

I cannot imagine what is written there.

Could it be?

“Door.”

And “Eve.”

Just how much does he intend to toy with me.

There is no way I can sacrifice you.

I see.

The sacrifice needed to make me both the Demon King and the head of our family, is here.

I must accept it, no matter how many lives are lost.

Is that what this means?

The man who designed this game is testing whether I am capable of that.

No.

That’s incorrect.

He’s proving to me that I am, indeed, not capable at all.

What should I do?

You.

What are you-?

You mustn't!

If you push that switch, you--!

No!

#azusa mukami #mukami azusa #reiji sakamaki #sakamaki reiji #dialovers #diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers translation #diabolik lovers drama cd #dialovers versus #diabolik lovers versus #drama cd #drama cd translation #rejet

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we-always-hit-our-ass · 4 years

Text

First Date Headcannons with Shifty Powers

thank you so much @noneofurbusinez, you inspired me so much when you were chatting with me- 💕💕

-------------------

okokok this man will take you to the carnival ASAP, no questions!

when you two stop to look at the entrance, cue the squeals-

you two already knew that this date is gonna BOMB AS FUC-

you two arrive in the afternoon and while you look at the map, shifty’s already got his eyes on the food and a booth in the front

shifty is a literal sucker for EVERYTHING in the fair

will look in awe of the lights and booths and he will jump in glee when he sees the ferris wheel

points at the randomest shit and you two will literally you both forget that you are grown adults-

who gives a shit though, you two are EXCITED and HYPED

you two are the human embodiments of cuteness and happiness, and i’m living for it-

uhhh who tf gave him the right to be so cute???

you both feel like children again and you just constantly want adrenaline

there will never be a time where you haven’t stopped smiling with him-

both of you take turns choosing the booths or rides you want to go to

but he’ll mostly let you take him wherever because any ride will be better spent with you anyway-

you two go on every ride at least twice but you’ll never get tired of ANYTHING

if you say ’awww shifty, look at that plushie!’ or anything similar

and HE WILL LITERALLY PROCEED TO WIN YOU AT LEASt ONE PLUSHIE FROM EVERY BOOTH

shifty thinks he’s in heaven after he sees your smile after he wins you your plushies

its blinding him but youre adorable-

um hello excuse me, would you like to talk about how great of couple you and shifty are?

you have a mountain of plushies near you and shifty, and people are like hMMM

will give you piggyback rides when you sometimes get tired of walking

sometimes you two would just chill in one of the benches with mount plushie at your side

you and shifty totally name the plushies he won after the easy boys

you named the duck plushie after george and the dog one after floyd-

would literally not stop getting you plushies because shifty thinks you deserve more-

you tell him to stop but its one of the rare times he doesnt listen

“babe, i got another one!”

“but we have too much-”

“look what i won!”

“how did you even get it that fast????”

“wait, this one’s cute”

“shifty- nO!”

both of you have so many plushies you had to resort to naming the most recent one lord winters IV

man this adorable boy does not run out of energy and youre just constantly questioning how he has enough to run back and forth between the booths

when playing in booths that require aiming, shifty will totally hold you close to him and instruct/teach you how to throw the darts/shoot the toy gun.

like he will literally stand behind you, your back touching his chest

he will hold your arms up to where you need to shoot and whisper words of encouragement

and that method of teachings WORKS-

he’s so PROUD of you when your first target and the SMILE HE GIVES YOU-it will literally put the carnival lights to shame

stars who? sun who? i only know shifty’s smile-

you buy cotton candy for the both of you but shifty finishes his first and will take a BIG chunk from yours

you hit him with one of your many plushies but he hugs you and spins you around

you couldn’t stay mad at him for that long, i mean just look at this baby! you just cant get mad at him-

guaranteed sweet kisses from him while he holds your waist while waiting in line

he says that he holds your hand to not get lost but he lowkey just wants you near him at all times.

its like 10% doesnt want you to get swept away by the crowd, and 90% wants you near him and just wants to feel your touch

but dont get me wrong, shifty is worrying 24/7 about you

will probably lose his mind if youre not there the moment he turns around

turns out you’re just getting water but when he sees you he hugs you tightly but you dont care, its shifty

protective as fuck-

constantly asks the people running the rides if its safe to ride or not

after the 30th time asking he looks over at you with a sheepish grin and you two hop on

y’all are blinged out with the carnival’s merchandise

shifty’s lowkey flexing abt it and you just find it funny

you two stayed for so long at the fair that you already practically memorized the layout

you two will definitely stay until nighttime, and the fair atmosphere just CHANGES

it went from fun to really ROMANTIC quickly, loves-

will take you to the tunnel of love and hes just smiling bashfully the whole time

you will lean your head on his shoulder throughout the ride and his face is so cute oml-

he just loves and adores you so much, have i mentioned that?

also finds it cute when you that to him, like hes just constantly thinks abt u

sometimes too shy to lean back because hes worried if he’ll mess up or not

but you constantly reassure him while handing pieces of popcorn because he needs it, but like most importantly needs you

you might or might not have splashed each other with the water but who am i kidding?

shifty will blush and shit and its the cutest thing you’ve ever seen mark my words

when the sun goes down, its time for you and shifty to go to the ferris wheel

this baby is literally emitting enough energy and joy to power the whole entire planet

shifty will zoom into the ferris wheel and help you get on

you totally sit in shifty’s lap during the ride and you two just look like puppies-

YOUR SMILES ARE HUGE as you gaze outside the window to take in the nighttime view of the carnival

will kiss you so tenderly when the ferris wheel stops and you two are at the very top

forget the view, the view only worth looking at right now is shifty-

did i mention how adorable he looks when the fireworks go off for the night??

woah there matey, cuteness overload

the colored light from the fireworks give him a literal GLOW, like the angel he is excuse me

you two are sitting in the grass holding hands and being the cutest the thing in the entire planet, the other couples in the fair could NEVER-

couple goals right here, okay?

you even overheard an old couple saying how you two reminded them of themselves

you two were blushing the whole time and you just found it sweet

no but seriously everything about this carnival date is SWEET

the date is amazing and youre just falling in love with him over and over again

you two are leaning your heads as the fireworks come to a stop, and when you face each other the glow and twinkle is his eyes are unreal

so many kisses from today, but the one he gives you after the fireworks are the bEST

softness overload, this man is a gift from the heavens and you dont know what you did to deserve him

the world doesnt deserve him-

the way he admires you after you two pull away from the kiss, this man is WAY sweeter than the cotton candy you two ate earlier

words cannot describe how much love you two were feeling

this is lowkey the second best day you two had in your lives

(we’re saving the first for when you two get married)

its gonna happen i swear

we need to make one thing clear though-

shifty and you will certainly have more dates like this in the future 💕💕😩

-------------------

#band of brothers #band of brothers x reader #band of brothers headcanon #shifty powers x reader #shifty powers imagine #band of brothers imagine #shifty powers x reader headcannons #shifty powers #ahhh im so soft for shifty #hbo war

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kareofbears · 4 years

Text

persona 5 royal: my thoughts after finishing it five minutes ago

disclaimer: the only reason im writing this is because 1) i have a lot of thoughts and feelings that i need to write down and if i dont ill explode and 2) i want to be able to find this when p5s eventually drops so i can compare my thought processes. if you do not agree with what i’m going to say, that’s cool! just block me or ignore this post.

now for the sake of sanity, i’m going to try and narrow down this entire list into chunks because this’ll probably be very very long and very much about me just screaming about stuff that i liked, loved, and don’t like. i will be spoiling both the original persona 5 and persona 5 royal, obviously, so i hope you finished both!

1) Akechi

so yes. Goro Akechi. Everyone’s favorite murderer. I’m going to by spewing a lot of hot takes, and this is probably going to be the spiciest: i am in the most intense love-hate relationship with this brown haired antagonist because jesus christ is he a complicated son of a bitch. I know i’ve complained in the past about how much Atlus often struggles with utilizing a character well, but that does not at all relate to Akechi in any way, shape, or form.

I’ll say this now: He is a character I genuinely, truly hate, yet he is the one I want to hear from the most. He is someone who is a bad person (yes, he is a bad person) but whenever he comes on screen he makes me sit up, he makes me pay attention to him because that’s just the aura he exudes. He is a character who i would never, ever waste my time defending or justifying his actions, but every minute joker spends with him is a minute i want to stretch out as long as possible because he is just that good of a character. He is interesting, he is well defined, he is smart, he is clever, he is sassy, he’s a motherfucking asshole who’s never had a vibe check in my life and i still hate him. Goro Akechi is what Star Wars wanted Kylo Ren to be, and that allegory may not make sense to many people but it works for me so i’m saying it. It’s to the point where writing akechi in a fanfic makes me sweat because in my opinon capturing the essence of akechi is near impossible unless you know what you are talking about (i do not mean that in anyway to discourage people from writing him, im just saying that I am a coward because i will never be able to write a good akechi). Anyway, bottom line is: i despise him but my eyes are always glued to him at all times.

back to the main point-- Atlus absolutely nailed this character and every single addition they put in for Akechi. I’m so damn thrilled that you actually have confidant hangouts with him because every single time you talk to him, it services not only the plot, but it perfectly does what it is supposed to do: it makes you like him, but also leaves the player slightly unnerved. they do it so casually that I might have trouble explaining it, but bear with me: everytime you hangout with him, he always does or say something that unhinges you just a little bit, it leaves you asking ‘wait why?’ or ‘but how did you know that’ or ‘why are you saying that?’. akechi is constantly playing mind games with you. and not only that, adding backstory to akechi (moreso than in the original) is just fucking fantastic. he’s always been a fully fleshed out character but after playing royal, goro akechi actually exists in my mind, and i still hate him (but also i dont. but also i do. anyway)

2) the ending

just finished the game and this is the point where i am at odds with p5r for the first time. the ending to p5, in my opinion, was flawless; everything was perfect and had meaning. from the shot of akira being shown to not wearing glasses anymore because he no longer feels the need to wear a mask (character development: he was very unhappy at the beginning of the game and now he’s happy with his friends--i love it), to his friends being the one to drive him home (amazing, he left his home town and came to shibuya alone via transit, and one year later he’s now leaving with all of his best friends in a van they rented just so they could stay with him as long as they can--it’s perfect, i love it), and also all of them seeing how large and infinite the ocean is (because now there’s unlimited options for them because they all have a new perspective on life).

But....none of that is there in p5r. it feels impersonal. no one drops him off at his hometown, he was still wearing glasses, and there’s no grand metaphor about what they all achieved.

Now, i am not a (complete) moron. I know why they had to change it: it’s because of persona 5 scramble (i think). they wanted to set up a plot for the next game and i feel like thats the reason why persona 5 royal’s ending suffered for it: they were too focused on the next plot that they forgot to focus on the sentimental ending for p5r. don’t get me wrong, seeing akechi in the train station absolutely made me lose my shit and made me scream at one in the morning, but i think they lost the core meaning in doing the other stuff. i did not like the focus on maruki and kasumi (will be talking about them later), cause i feel like it took away from the ending, and i also didn’t like the fact that the whole joker outfit in the reflection thing (but i will be letting it slide since it was during the after credits anyway). So while i do love one (1) new aspect of the final cut scene, i still adore and stan the one from persona 5.

3) the entire last semester

i’ll be quick: the final palace? the best palace. fight me. it’s fantastic, it’s innovative, it’s interesting, and most of all, the palace ruler is actually the best one in the entire game and i know i wont be the only one to say this. maruki is not a villain: i know for a godamn fact that im not the only one to say that i almost agreed with his deal of allowing the reality (damn i almost agreed twice) because why wouldnt you?? it’s literally a perfect reality! the only reason i didnt agree is because i knew the game wouldnt want me to agree and would force me to have the bad ending! anyway, i love the last section so much. the palace design is interesting, the antagonist is brilliant (who doesn’t love a morally gray antagonist?), and finally, the payoff of kasumi happened and it made me silent for ten minutes. the entire reveal of her being sumire and kasumi being dead is just so genuinely shocking to me that it nearly broke my neck.

what actually broke my neck was the initial incident for the third semester. seeing everyone in this wild alternate reality made me so unsettled that i literally got a stomach ache. i saw morgana as a human and nearly passed out. shiho in the underground? wig. ryuji saying he’s on the national pedastal for running? literally my eyebrows just popped off my head. fucking WAKABA? FLATLINED. brilliantly executed and i love the initial akechi and akira buddy cop movie vibes in the beginning it was just so fun.

one huge part of the third semester for me though, was of course, akechi. seeing him completely throw away his ‘charming ace detective’ speil was the most refreshing and interesting and not to mention, hilarious part of the game. he does not give a fuck about anyone and he is not afraid to let you know. he is the biggest savage and the most insane person on the phantom thieves group. he’ll roast you, he’ll roast your boyfriend, he’ll roast fuckin anyone and it’s fantastic. not to mention his dialogue is killer: he says the most bat shit insults ever and my favorite example is when you go up to him near the end of the game, you know, to hangout with him and be a nice guy, he just does not hesitate to say ‘what, you came just to see me? just the sort of brainless sentimentality i’d expect from you.’ i LOVE IT because why the hell would he try to be nice? the jig is up, he’s got nothing to hide. and he owns it. atlus seriously nailed akechi in this last semester and it’s brilliant and i love it.

4) everything else

- one small thing that pissed me off in both games (but especially this one) is how many godamn fake out deaths there are. Morgana has one, Akira has one, Ryuji has one, Sojiro has one, Maruki has one, motherfucking Akechi has two. it just hurts me!

- sumire is an amazing character who has depth and she is lovely and my biggest complaint is that it feels like atlus shoved her in. like, she feels like a new addition to the game, you know what i mean? maybe its because ive played the original p5 first, but you know, it’s not a big deal. but i love her so much

- on the topic of sumire, i cant say that im completely super duper happy with how different she felt from the other thieves? im sure that’ll be explained in p5s but she just got so much screen time that it just truly made me confused?? maybe im just a horrible person, or that’s just a really hot take. but anyway, yeah maybe im bitter because i really wanted to see extra hangouts/school trips during royal, but didn’t really.

-baton pass? literally orgasmic. it made turn base battles so damn fun and the addition of darts and billiards made me foam at the mouth it was SO SMART AND INNOVATIVE AND I LOVE IT ATLUS I LOVE YOU ATLUS YOURE SO SMART SWEETIE

-small thing, but making spells like ‘dormina’ actually useful just made the game so much more fun and dungeon crawling became something i truly, genuinely looked forward to

-being able to give gifts to my bros? absolutely incredible. thank you. side note: seeing akechi happy from giving him a multi vitamin cracked me up. side side note: giving ryuji a fuck ton of weights and him just smiling made my heart so happy i love that boy so much

- ah this game just looked so GOOD! i thought the original looked good but they really went all out. im not kidding, the smallest details in everyday life or even just normal cut scenes were out of this world. especially stuff from the third semester its just OOF good JOB atlus i love you buddy

-ahhh thieves den! how can i forget? i love it. at first i was a bit iffy with it since it really felt like persona 5 (undoubtedly the biggest game atlus has created) was just jacking itself off. but as time goes on, it became a huge addition to the game and seeing characters’ insights and extra lines of dialogue became super duper interesting and a highlight of the game for me. and don’t even get me started on how much i love love love the photos they added of them hanging out! so lovely, a bunch of them made me tear up

- i know it’s literally impossible, but i feel like the game just forgot that akechi is a person who can wield multiple persona and i just wish that could’ve been messed around with during Palaces

- showtimes are so, so crazy and i get so embarassed whenever they play on my tv because they are just outlandish and unashamed but i love them so so much it just defines persona’s personality

-because i love ryuji: i prefer the final conversation you have with him aka ‘whaddya mean? you’re there’ but there’s still a lot of really tender and sweet moments like akira genuinely telling him that he’ll miss him, and also the fact that ryuji wants you both to send each other your times through the exercise watch so you can still race ahhhh i love him so much yall

so, overall, this game is better than the original p5 because of the extra content we get. if persona 5 was the perfect dinner, persona 5 royal is that same dinner and you get to enter the dessert buffet. it’s brilliant, it’s smart, it’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, and it’s undoubtedly my favorite game of all time without exaggeration. while i do prefer the final cut scene (and final dialogues with some characters) in the original persona 5, in the overall experience, persona 5 royal is superior in my mind. i would willingly get amnesia to play this game again.

I didn’t get to cover everything, but this is definitely most of what i wanted to say. if you actually get to reading all the way to the end, thanks! it means a lot. i hope we can all enjoy persona and look forward to persona 5 scramble together :-)

#p5 #persona 5 #p5r #persona 5 royal #mine #such a long post but totally worth it

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system-of-a-feather · 4 years

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Hey how does Maladaptive daydreaming disorder, and DID together effect your daily life (without going into much detail ofc) because I Maladaptive daydream and i dont have DID, but (IVE HEARD AT LEAST) usually with DID people have a lost sence of time, and I know with Maladaptive daydreaming it also happens so... is it just DOUBLE the lost sence of time if that makes sence?? I'm really sorry if this doesnt make sence.

Okay so this is hella late cause we went / are on a kinda-hiatus but there are a lot of things that I would need to correct with this question, and a lot I am going to forget to correct but before I answer

1) Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder is not a thing nor a diagnosis - at least not currently. I personally think that it should be noted in more seriously in a clinical setting as a sub-type of something or as a disorder, but as it stands, Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder does not exist. Maladaptive Daydreaming is more of a behavior / symptom

2) DID results in time loss and dissociation-related amnesia. It isn’t a loss sense of time as much as it is “lost time” and often - from my personal experience - feels more like how I casually describe it as a “timeskip” than it does a blackout. There will just be a chunk that had passed without much conscious knowledge and actions that occurred in those times will either be absent or very foggy / blurry.

With maladaptive daydreaming, correct me if I am wrong since I haven’t looked as actively into it lately and I have been more in the stage of preventing relapse than I am in actively fighting MaDD, but lost sense of time is more like “time flying by fast” and time fasting slower or faster than expected due to being so immersed in the internal storyline or daydream going on.

Essentially as someone who was a very strong maladaptive daydreamer and DID, it was just like having two types of time-related issues. Sometimes I would loose chunks of time, other times the time would still be there, but would seem faster or slower than it should have been; though I will still remember what I had done there.

Together the two interact really heavily - or did - but lately the direct relationship of the two are up for debate. To keep it really without detail and general, when it comes to being really bad with maladaptive daydreaming and also having DID, I feel having DID has made it all that more critical that I HAVE to make sure that I keep my maladaptive daydreaming in check. Personally, I have found that due to the interaction, if I allow my maladaptive daydreaming to get out of hand, I am much more likely to not process emotions, more likely to split, more likely to rapidly deteriorate in functioning, and both maladaptive daydreaming and DID will have the negative symptoms rapidly skyrocket.

Personally the two are a horrible combo - enough so that for two or three years I entirely forgave my favorite hobby (writing) in order to make sure I could moderate it since it was important to my healing.

I know there is a community of people here on Tumblr that take MaDD as something not too serious or like a club of highly imaginative people, but I am really not one of those people and I’ve personally seen it ruin lives and worsen mental health conditions drastically. I don’t wish to start conflict with those that don’t see MaDD as an issue or that it is something that helps them because honestly, if it genuinely doesn’t cause dysfunction, power to you - but I am heavily biased in how it tends to be hyper dysfunctional and not a laughing matter for most.

-Riku (Host)

#asks #ask #alter: riku #madd #maladaptive daydreaming

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wintermutal · 5 years

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8, 11, 17, 20, 32, 36, 40!

8. Oldest WIP

now? probably the becoming, my obligatory gears reimagining tale. i started thinking about writing it in high school, but couldn’t settle on an exact version of gears to write. in college i’m still bothered by it, like it’s something i need to write but i just dont know how. i have a good plot set up now involving gears and mann in hong kong in the 80s that deals a lot with some mekhane cults and stuff, but it just….doesnt feel right yet. so that one’s like…..4 years old now lol

11. Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

amazingly- and this kind of sounds like it’s coming out of left field knowing the kind of stuff i read these days- gary pulsen. when i was in 6th grade i read a ton of his shit, and i remember a very specific moment where i was reading Winterdance. i remember one day, i loved what he had written for a scene so much i decided to go back and ‘figure out’ for myself how he made it feel so exciting using the words like that; it was the first time i ever closely examined someone’s actual writing technique. my 11 year old self observed that he used run on sentences in the areas where it got really exciting, and i started experimenting with it myself, and as you can see some eight years later…..i should have never done it. it’s now like, a hallmark of my writing style. if i would have never read that goddamn dog book we wouldnt be in this mess

as for more specific recent influences…..i stumbled across off-site access to a few obscure ancient ess see pee works over the winter. the story was…dazzling, and reawakened some of the awe and ‘fuck it, let’s write a wild ass story’ attitude i had when i was a newbie on the site. as of right now i keep them in a folder on my desktop for when i need to remind myself that nothing matters and its more fun not to care

17. What writing habits or rituals do you have?

i get awful writers’ cramp writing on paper. like, when i took my AP exams at the end of high school, i went out and bought an arthritic pen to write the essays with (it worked, and that pen is the most comfortable motherfucker ive ever used). i have no idea if i grip my pen/pencil too hard or if i fucked it up as a kid or what’s going on in there, but it means that i write almost everything on my laptop. this is unfortunate because i also do a lot of other things on my laptop, and my little gremlin brain gets distracted by them in .3 seconds. of course, once i get writing, i get writing and can go for hours, but it makes it hard to start.

this means that i have a separate writing program i keep up in full screen in another window 24/7. whenever i write, i go there. its great because it’s so fucking barren. look at this shit.

aside from that, i always find my voice a little easier if i read a page or two of something else before i start in on a session, even if it’s an old piece of my own shit or something. i dont always do it, because my writing schedule and mannerisms are chaotic as hell, but yeah.

20. How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

oh my god……………so many………..im never going to get through them all……

i’m on a pattern where i randomly cling to a certain idea and spend months to a year on a huge piece for it before shitting it out onto the internet. the two biggest pieces that have come as a product of this are Major Tom and ess see pee-4231, taking me 8 months and a year, respectively. i write other things, too, obviously, but i usually end up unable to shake a few very choice ideas, and those are the ones that get the most blood, sweat, and tears put into them. usually they’re larger ideas with a big scope to work with.

32. Most difficult character to write

right now? i have a main character named rowan in a big original project i have going on, and i just….haven’t decided on the kind of person he is yet. i have a good chunk of his backstory worked out, but he also ends up getting regularly drugged with heavy horse tranquilizers and reshaping his entire childhood with a few main events warped to reveal possible traumas, so you know how it is. he’s obviously very unreliable as a narrator, but i’m not sure what kind of person he is to be an unreliable narrator. like, the horse tranquilizers definitely helped it along, but there’s also a lot of…wild shit going on in there. he might just be being unreliable out of cowardice, because hes fully aware and conscious of the role he played in several murders, including those of a few of his close friends and collaborators. so who knows

36. Last sentence you wrote

Well, the last three are sentence fragments. So backing up a little to the last paragraph:

“The tile in the deep dark was black, white, grey. The eternal floodlights on vaulted caverns cast scales of reds, electrical white florescence. The door was six inches thick; the hallway was not patrolled; the cameras obediently turned away; and just like that, with a mix of something teetering between greed and fear, the Foundation chose not to see the place of necessary evils in the deep dark of the mountain.

Director Eiler beat him. And beat him. And beat him.”

40. Share some backstory for one of your characters

kilroy fisher’s mom really wanted him to be a web developer, and kilroy was pretty eager to please her until a couple things happened:

1. when he was ten, he was enrolled in a foundation research program doing brain scans of young technopaths with hopes to create an AI system to repel their specific psychic influence. part of the test involved kilroy being exposed to a prototype of this AI, written in an extraordinarily complex unique coding language. how he was able to interact with it and how the code felt to him when he was around it was like nothing he had ever experienced before. he was fascinated. the AI was set to be used, at least at first, around the most secure Foundation databases. the heart of the AI was strongly implied to be centered in the databases themselves. he’d only seen the skin of it.

2. he read william gibson’s neuromancer, and very quickly became a cyberpunk technopath hacker kid, to his mother’s horror.

Kilroy ended up obsessed with this. like, absolutely off the shits, increasingly lost in the sauce as his teenaged years wore on. he quickly discovered that if technopaths work with this coding language for like, more than an hour in their unique psychic state- which is the most effective way to go about it due to the complexity of the code- it starts manifesting in bleeding from various areas of the head (ears, nose, teeth) and eventually leads to seizures and really intense migraines. this makes sense because like….its literally used as an anti-technopath code for anti-technopath interests, but kilroy, who at this point was severely depressed and bordering on suicidal, became addicted to working with it as a means of regular self harm.

Kilroy ended up writing a bootleg terminal program for the language, which would theoretically allow people to more easily work with the code and even eventually break into that all-important foundation defense AI that was now his sole reason to live. after a fight with his girlfriend resulted in her calling him ‘a fucking ruthless pig’ for being literally obsessed with it to the point of regular physical collapse, he deemed it RUTHLESS.exe and started going with the handle ‘Gip’ online, especially in circles where the program was in high demand for Criminal Actions™ and he was seen as a fucking godsend to working with this thing.

this eventually culminated in some attempted hacking of the actual AI itself, quickly followed by an intense hospitalization while he recovered and had surgery to remove the traumatic cataracts in both eyes, subsequently followed by being shipped off to containment. technopath containment is literally just….a setting with no technology. in his case, this meant that he has since lived alone in a specially built little house on a foundation-owned little farm in the middle of nowhere.

he gets visits from foundation agents twice a week that bring him food and supplies, because he’s not allowed off the premises. he takes care of his sheep (or at least like, the sheep the foundation has put him in charge of as part of his ‘rehabilitation’ or whatever). he’s bordering on suicidal again, and they put him on some heavy medication that leaves him feeling numb most of the time. he wears bifocals because of the permanent damage to his vision. he lives without electricity. he reads a lot. he reads and rereads neuromancer a lot, and after a few years of this he decides that he needs to reach a decision on the whole ‘suicide’ thing, because this is really getting ridiculous.

and that’s where the story finds him. i have no idea how im gonna write all that backstory coherently. im probably gonna binge read more william gibson stuff and pray.

A Writer’s Ask Game

#this is so long im so sorry #and this is only one of them nooooo #scp wiki writing #writing #asks #long post #vandal.txt #v1als #bm tale

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