#but FUUUUCK this makes me SICK and i should 100% activate my ego or wtv it is im supposed to Have

[29121996]

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#i rlly just gotta get through the next month and then life will feel worth living again #i mean im gonna be on autopilot and living in that weird headspace i get when everything feels Too Much #but once i see twice ill have a new found joy for life and . itll kickstart something in my brain #it alwahs does #t1975 did jt last time #however . i do not wanna be alivs for the next few months bc despite the minor relief i feel #i feel like ive nust lost everything and theres a emoty Pit in my chest #its fun its fine its for the plot #anyway i wanna fucking kill myself. here we go again i gotta get this over with eventuslly #rip the bandaid off or something #bc evsn tho i know how i want this to pan out - there is a middle part i dont wanna deal with or accept is haopening #but too bad bc it IS happening !!!! #and . i cant or wont talk abt this bc its sl fucking delusional and . cringy but i am a just a teenage girl in a 21yr old #but FUUUUCK this makes me SICK and i should 100% activate my ego or wtv it is im supposed to Have #but diggity dawg . #side note i feel like i have imposter syndrom or something bc the way i do feel abt this is very . New #like i do genuinely think my self esteem or something has gotten better bc i am so fucking sad dont get mw wrong #but i also dont feel like ive lost a chunk of who i was this time. its just . Upsetting ti know that i dont get to experience that anymore #i gotta find a new way to mmget the same happiness or whatever. #i dont nnow. #i wanna die abt it regardless even if i think im okay #bc i am inherently and i will be !!!! but . hnhnhnhnhnhhn u all get it .