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#but honestly just like dm me if you want to talk about it or something
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A Personal Post
Hi guys, I'm finally making the post I kept telling myself and my best friends I'd make but wanted to put it off until I felt better. That hasn't happened and with how things are going I thought it was best to just post it now.
So for a while, since probably late 2023, I've felt less like my blog is for me, and more like it's some kind of fandom archive. Which, if you use it this way as-is, great! I'm glad my blog could make you happy like that! But that's not what I set out for it to be.
I'm the sort of neurodivergent person who likes to categorize things, including my interests. All my tumblr blogs are specific to one thing, and this one was no exception.
I began tagging things soon after I made the blog because I saw a lot of people were sad about the twins, and I thought "well since I love both sad and happy stuff, and I'm really good about categorizing things, maybe I can try and help!" And according to many, it did help!
But I think that also gave off the impression that I was making this blog for other folks, and that isn't the case. I'm sorry I never clarified. It's not an archive; I do not reblog shipping posts, posts from people I've blocked, AUs I don't click with, and sometimes just not everything I see.
I've gotten popular in the fandom, and for the most part I do, from the bottom of my heart, enjoy it. I have people who care about my hyperfixation! That's amazing! I have people who love my cosplay and want to meet up with me. I've made so many friends of all shapes and sizes and it's probably the most incredible thing I've ever experienced, truth be told.
But yeah my blog being mine has gotten away from me a bit, I think.
I want to keep tagging my submas tags, that isn't going to change. I will tag triggers when asked, unless it's kind of impossible due to the blog's subject (trains, for instance) or a name or really common word (like the word 'head' or something). Other than that please reach out and I'll do my best to remember. But other tags? Those will be up to me. I don't want to tag when OCs show up. I love OCs and like seeing them, and don't want to have to remember that one person who visits my blog doesn't.
I had anon off for a while because honestly ever since making this blog, there have been anons who really made me unhappy. (Also yes, non-anons but that's been fewer and far between). I've gotten misinformation, accusations, horrible and disgusting explicit asks, and criticisms and complaints, and I'm just... Not here for that. Keep the explicit things and misinfo out of my inbox, I am no arbiter of morality or personal decisions, and I am not here for you to share your negative opinions of submas or the fandom.
Anon is on for people who are too self conscious to chat face to face, for people to send fun headcanon ideas (remember when people did that back in 2022 when this blog started? I miss that, it was sweet and wholesome), to share song recommendations... That kind of stuff. If you have an actual problem, please, PLEASE talk to me off anon, whether that be DMs or a non-anon ask that I can answer privately. Especially if we're friends; please, please just talk to me about stuff. I don't bite! I swear!
But yeah the bottom line is I'm here to participate in fun (and sometimes heartbreaking!) fandom stuff. I'm here for FUN, not as my job. I know that we're all a bunch of neurodivergent folks and sometimes interactions can be a swing and a miss, but please try to be mindful. Please treat me like a person and not just like a museum curator for this blog.
Truth is, I haven't been okay for a while now. It's gotten worse this year for sure, and due to life stuff I cannot see things feeling better for me for some time. I need to go day by day for a lot of things, and I am trying to get better about needing to set boundaries and all that sort of thing. I suffer from intense paranoia too, and having so many eyes on me is genuinely terrifying at times. I'm trying to manage that as best I can, but I do ask that folks be kind.
NO I am not going anywhere, my blog is staying and will continue on as normal, but I really, really needed to get this posted.
Please continue to interact with me and chat and everything like that! But also please remember to treat this space, my blog, as my space. Thanks for reading!
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calamitydaze · 2 months
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long tag ramble below u have been warned
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#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again#but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags#(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now#but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t#anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable#and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it#her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night#but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt#or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort#and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person#and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal#as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward#i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer#but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been#either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing#i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever#also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway#sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation#i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me#but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down#so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again#but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to#anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open#love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks
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forbiddennhoney · 13 days
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):
#personal#ugh#not a day goes by where i dont think of her /:#we were such good friends /:#and like admittedly i needed to take space after all that i don't regret it#but i h8 that she prematurely apologized b4 even hearing my frustrations or why i was hurt#bc she apologized for what she THOUGHT i wanted to hear#and it sucks /: cause i really hope she's doing better#i hope shes ok#and i miss her#but i cannot bring myself to message her bc like......#i just don't understand how you hear your friends say something shitty happened with someone ur involved with#and blow up at them and demand proof of it#like i dont care how stressed you are with other stuff .......... who does that??????#nvm the fact that like. majority of the stress she had expressed to me then was literally about...... the ppl who did the fucked shit.......#idk. im just sad#she made me feel so seen and held and heard and we were just friends but like..... i cherished her so much ):#ALSO NVM THE FACT THE DAY BEFORE SHE DID THIS I LITERALLY TOLD HER (after talking to her abt smthn separate) tht#the only way we'd stop being friends is if she did LITERALLY exactly what she did#and yeah she sent it to my Wife's DMs#but honestly that makes it worse cause she knew i was there#nd treated my wife after all that like she was an evil meanie while she apologized to me#(which imo idc it reads and transmisogyny)#and she just like. up and left Everything b4 realizing she fucked up#like she did choose this#and im respecting that and respecting myself enough not to try running and begging her to be friends again#i just. idk man. it sucks
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barkingangelbaby · 2 months
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re: the last thing I reblogged
@ poetry night one of the featured authors read a poem she wrote based off the "save me..." meme that was an impassioned list of all different kinds of dykes and yeah.... save me.....
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borderlinegerard · 3 months
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more zoloft please
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batmanshole · 1 year
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with soap2day gone, it's important to remember that talking about piracy online is inherently dangerous for the hosting site. if you have a site you like, DO NOT POST ABOUT IT. especially not on tiktok / twitter / instagram. do not turn it into a meme. if someone wants to know where to watch something, dm it to them and explain why you shouldn't share info willy nilly. honestly if you have the resources, get into torrenting.
loose lips sink ships. some things aren't widely talked about for a reaon.
edit: okay this post is getting annoying please stop dming me asking for links. not gonna happen. this post made in 5 minutes at the coffee shop is not an extensive list of reasons why soap went down. did you know multiple things can be true at once? please leave me alone i’m literally just a batman blogger.
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I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.
A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.
However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.
I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."
I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.
I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.
While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.
I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.
Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.
AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.
What are these acronyms?
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snifferish · 3 months
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Never in my life did I think that re-tweeting resources for SA, and supporting victims would be considered problematic or performative.
I should not have to bare this, but I'm going to tell just one of my stories, because I need you to understand where I'm coming from. TW // Sexual Harassment
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When I was 15, I had my wisdom teeth removed. I wanted to avoid using the pain medication they prescribed. I struggle a lot with sensory issues, medications and substances made it worse.
However, my surgery was for impacted teeth, and only two days in one of my stitches fell out. I was in so much pain, and couldn't eat solids w/ out pain for up to three weeks.
So, a week into my recovery, one of my friends invites me to their house. They were having our friend group over, it was just a little bonfire get together kinda thing. I took my pain meds a few hours prior, and only half a dose, but I was out of it to some degree, and somehow still in pain.
I was sitting on a lawn chair outside, when one of my close friends came over and asked to sit on my lap. Honestly, I said yes at first, because this was my childhood friend, someone I trusted, and I thought our relationship was incredibly platonic. Then he started to shift/grind about in my lap, and I started to feel things of theirs I did not want to. They made a noise that deeply unsettled me, and I told him to get off, they didn't. It was only when I told them that he accidently triggered the emergency call shortcut on my phone (it was in the pocket of the lawn chair, yes they were moving that much and I was moving trying to push him off) that he finally got up.
I was bewildered, and a bit confused, and also embarrassed that my phone nearly called 911. I claimed I wasn't feeling well, and went home early.
That was the first time someone touched me in a remotely sexual way, but I didn't dare to label it until I talked to my therapist. It made me dwell on a lot of experiences with this person as well. How obsessed they were with being taller than me, how often they'd grab me and force me to see if they were stronger than me. At the time, I was in a friend group of predominately non-men, and they were all friends with this person.
However, when I told them about this, when I expressed the discomfort it brought me. I was brushed off. "He's just like that!" oh "He probably didn't mean it" etc.
I didn't feel comfortable in the same room as this person. My friends would continue to invite them to hang outs. One of my other friends told everyone about what happened without my permission. I started having breakdowns in my classes with him. I had panic attacks all the time. I felt as if I had to continue this façade of being nice to him, or else I would lose my friends of years and years.
I was happy when covid started, because for the first time I had breathing room, but by then so much of my trust was dismantled.
Due to my friends association with this person, and the fact that not being their friend excluded me. I eventually got over it, and told myself I'd grown past it.
Three months ago, this same person admitted to me they hold extreme grudges against me, that they projected their "mommy issues" on to me, and quite literally said the words, "Yeah yeah, you're a woman who's outspoken and challenged me and that bothers me yeah yeah." in regards to that. They said it with sarcasm, like it was something they knew, and their mother was reminding them for the 12th time.
--
I bring this all up, not to make you feel guilty, but to discuss the harm of not supporting victims, not listening to them. It puts them in a position of isolation, and in a position to potentially be hurt again.
So yeah, I'm gonna be a little upset when people say I'm being "performative" about supporting victims of sexual harassment and SA. I'm not doing this because it benefits me, in fact it's caused a lot of backlash, horrible dms, and very triggering memories.
I'm doing it because I was once not heard, and i've sat with Caiti behind the scenes for months watching her lose passion for something she loved (content creation).
I didn't do this because I'm secretly sniveling behind the scenes tapping my fingers praying on peoples downfall. I'm not a Disney villain dude lmfao.
Honestly, this narrative that is being pushed, that people are doing it "because it benefits them" is quite ironic, considering most of the people talked about within the last 72 hours were under Wilbur's weird ass apology doing just that.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate how people are okay with this narrative, the misogynist undertones of it. I've seen people admit that they didn't like me or my friends the entire time, while simultaneously "calling us out" about this, so I ask you,
Are you calling us? Because it benefits your motives? Your feelings?
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a66-1 · 1 month
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starving.
Simon x Fem!Insecure!Reader.
Part 1 | ???
TW: Talk of ed's, negative self talk, low self esteem, bad mouthing (from reader to herself, comes with the territory) cursing, self harm. i tried not to be too descriptive with the reader, so EVERY insecure girlie who reads this feels seen. (these tw are for the whole thing, im pretty sure this is gonna be a series)
a/n: hey. if you need help, dm me. ill talk to you if you need it :). (also i made my banners. if you want one dm me! i make them for free, just with credit :)) NOT PROOF READ
i hope your doing okay honey.
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Stepping out of the shower, the towel around you just big enough to touch ends is slipped around yourself. Showering is getting harder. You can barely stand glancing at the mirror now.
You dry yourself off, and hand the towel back up. You can do it, just walk past the mirror to grab your clothes.
You take the steps past the mirror, and turn your back to the mirror to change. Slipping your bra on, and it squishes the skin on your back and you grimace.
Once your dressed, you turn back around. The nagging voices are just waiting to pounce. I mean, what? You used to be so skinny.
You used to be pretty.
You decided to let your hair air dry, and you walk into your bedroom. You had work today, but you really wish you didn't. It was a bad week, you'd skipped 3 meals in the last few days and you know what your therapist would say.
'The progress you've made, hun. You can't go back now.'
The bad days are getting too close to each other now. You used to have at least a week between them, but now it's barely 48 hours. Maybe being off medicine isn't working good anymore.
Maybe you're no good.
You throw in a big hoodie, one that covers you, and some sweat pants, glancing at the big mirror in your room.
You can't stop analyzing yourself.
There's not one good thing on you is it?
Fuck.
The rest of the day was spent at your stupid 9-5, with your stupid boss, in your stupid, lonely life. Christ, being off anti-depressants is really hitting you hard. Everyone at your job is stupid and today every customer who wants to blow you ear off about how you kids these days, by the end of the day, your so tense that your shoulders are aching.
You got about 30 minutes left at this off-brand kroger store, when a big, big ass man walks in, shoving a mask with a skull print on it on. You curse to yourself, you really don't want to have to call the police for a robbery, you just want to go home.
To be honest, if he had a gun, you'd be half tempted to let him shoot you-
"Ma'am?" A heavy British accent came from your right. You turn your head, and scan his few items. You don't bother with the how are you's and you sigh.
"It'll be 16.84." You drag your eyes to his, and he reaches to his pocket, pulling out..
A wallet. What else were you thinking?
He hands you a twenty, and you hand him his respective change. He bags his own items, because honestly, you seem like the only worker in the store. Your face is written with exhaustion, whether it be from this job or something else, and the guy notices.
"Have uh... A good day." He nods to you, and walks off.
You purse your lips, and sigh, closing your cashier, because fuck finishing today. You're too close to a breakdown, and you're not trying to let anyone see.
You drive home, your hands tight around the wheel. You know it's a bad idea to be driving this emotional, to the point you wonder what would happen if you swerve your car into a tree.
You won't do it though.
You need to get back out there. It's why you stopped taking your meds.
You promise yourself that tomorrow you'll go out, and at least get a one night stand, you want need, anything.
Once home and in bed, you scroll and scroll and scroll. Doom scrolling is too common on these longer nights. You have a pillow tucked into your arm, and your hand squeezes it every time that pang in your lower chest rings out. Loneliness, you think.
You always scroll through your old friends instagrams or snapchats, seeing their nice bodies and nice boyfriends. You've been so nice and kind and karma should be on your side, but it always failed.
Especially after your last boyfriend.
Your friends say to wait.
To wait.
To wait.
But waiting is getting harder. Days are getting longer, and your head seems to spin more when left to its own devices. Why do you have to wait?
Your looks.
Your personality.
Who'd wanna be seen with you?
You flip your phone over, and shove your face in the pillow, your breathing staggered.
You fell asleep late, that night. The tears brought you to exhaustion.
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woah why did this take 2 tries to write.
be waiting for pt.2
TRUST FINALS ARE SOOM COMING TO AN END and summer i will be STEWING TRUST!!!
Taglist!
@i-am-hungry-24-7
thank you for all the support. drunk simon blew up and im crying bc i came back after a 2 year hiatus and i wasn't getting the same feedback as usual so to finally seeing people enjoy my work again makes me feel great. <3
sorry simon wasn't in this part much. you gotta know the reader first tho, right?
bye babes..
-a661
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atinystraynstay · 3 months
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Double Take - Lee Chan
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Synopsis: Dino was convinced dating was just swiping on a dating app, going out for a diner, and maybe getting further than that before being ghosted. It was just the perils of dating as a young adult. There was just something different about you though.
Pairing: Non-idol!Lee Chan x fem. reader
Genre: "her first everything" girl meets the "first nothing" boy
Inspired by @aaniag - thanks for tagging me in this post ♡
First Encounters Mini Series: #1: #2: #3: #4: Wonwoo #5: Jeonghan #6: #7: #8: Dino
Word Count: 5k
Warnings: does contain descriptions of anxiety - please make sure you are taking care of your mind, body, and soul. If you ever need someone to vent to, my DMs are always a safe space 🩷
Dating in your 20s is not as glamorous as they make it seem in the movies. First dates sometimes flourished into second dates but quickly fizzled out. Or it sometimes was someone you were interested in that just turned into a one night stand.
While sure, there times that Dino wished he had a more solid connection with someone. But he was in no rush to settle down and get married.
Going to college helped Dino not only helped him find his passions in life but also found confidence in himself.
Maybe that was one positive to come out of dating apps? It made Dino feel good when he could swipe on someone and it was an instant match. He hated the moments where he would swipe on someone he found attractive, but would be stuck waiting to see if there was a mutual attractive. And sometimes, he would forget about who he swiped on because there would no ping indicating they swiped on him.
He never thought of himself as the most attractive guy. Honestly, he thought was more average than anything else.
But the moment he found himself in the bed of someone, he felt more reassured in himself. The more that people wanted him, attempted to gain his attention, he felt better about who he was as a person. I mean, college is all about self growth anyways, right? Dino's learning just happened beyond the classroom.
"Trying to find another date?" Seungkwan teased. "More like he's trying to find someone to fuck since he's getting lonely at night," Jeonghan added in.
There were times Dino regretted signing a lease with Seungkwan and Jeonghan. This was one of those times. The two of them thought fondly of their younger roommate, so they often lurked over his shoulder.
"Oh! She's cute," Seungkwan commented.
Hearing his friend, his head turned and narrowed his eyes at the culprit. He suddenly moved his phone close to his chest to gain some sort of privacy. But that was a big ask in this house especially with how close the three friends were. Jeonghan, being the menace he is, moved his hand around to move the phone away from Dino's chest which caused Dino to jump.
"Can I never have anything to myself?" he whined. "She's normally not your type, but maybe we could use a change?" "We?!" Dino gasped.
The two guys laughed before they moved away from the younger boy to go elsewhere in the apartment. Now alone, Dino did take a moment to look at your pictures closer. There were a few photos just of you. He found himself smiling at the way your eyes nearly closed when you were smiling wide. You also had a few pictures with friends at different events.
His thumb then pushed upwards on his phone screen, so he could look deeper into your profile. I have to know who she is.
The first thing he noticed was your name, 'Y/n," he murmured under his breath. It rolled off this tongue so eloquently. He also noticed that you were only 2 miles away from him.
Part of him wanted to stop and just swipe. There was always an element of mystery that came to first dates. Dino's favorite part was when he got to ask questions, got to learn about the other person. Yet, there was something urging him to keep going. After all, looking over your profile could give good talking points.
What sold the deal was your bio - "looking to experience something new 👀"
Intrigued, Dino swiped right on your account. And automatically, fire emojis skyrocketed from the bottom of the app and covered the screen. It's a match! was written across the screen as it brought up your profile with the ability to message you now available.
His fingers typed at lightning speed. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face at the presented opportunity to get to know you.
"I've never done this before. Wanna grab dinner tonight?"
You were at home, binging the reunion of Love Is Blind with your roommates. It was a lazy Saturday afternoon which of course required getting snacks from the grocery store, doing face masks, and a bottle of wine. All of your phones were placed on the table to minimize distractions
While all your roommates and you had different schedules, binging reality TV seemed to be the way you were able to come together. Everyone's eyes were watching the confrontation between two of the contestants when suddenly all eyes shifted to the coffee table once someone's phone lit up.
Specifically, your phone.
"Oh my god, guys! Y/n matched with someone on Tinder," one of your roommates called out. "And they messaged her."
And just like that, Love is Blind was forgotten about. Your third roommate reached for the Amazon Fire Stick remote to pause the Netflix show. All eyes then flickered from the coffee table and you. Never before had you been glad for a face mask to cover your face to hide your rouging cheeks, knowing that will only result in further teasing.
"Relax, you hyenas," you called out. It was as if they were holding their breaths until you read the message.
You typed in your password since your Face ID was not able to recognizing your face with the sheet mask on. The extra stop practically caused your roommates to shake with anticipation. You couldn't deny. You shared the same excitement, as you have decided this year, you were intentionally investing more in dating.
It's not like you had chosen before to not date. It was just something that settled on the back burner. You had always hoped to meet someone more organically, like at the coffee shop or on public transportation. Something out of a Hallmark movie. But that's not how reality worked. When you did meet someone, it was always overwhelmingly flirty which made you instantly retreat from the situation.
Yet, you couldn't deny the happiness you saw from your own friends and roommates when it came to their dating life. Oddly, even if it were a bad date, you wanted to feel the rush of getting ready for someone. You knew that in order to date that would require you putting yourself out there and being vulnerable. Your own saving grace was knowing your morales and not falling victim to social pressures.
Even if it meant not matching with many people because you wanted to take things slow, you would be content as you search for your perfect person.
Dino sent you a message
And maybe that was Dino.
There was no denying the smile that curled onto your lips at the name. You found the name adoring, peaking your interest. Your clicked on the message to read it.
"I've never done this before. Wanna grab dinner tonight?"
Your eyes widened which caused your roommates to lean in closer. The two right by your side let out a gasp, as the other two were practically going to pounce on you. However, you were too preoccupied with looking through his profile.
It took everything within you to maintain your composure, even if you wanted to squeal and kick your feet at the potential date. There were a few photos taken when he's been out to dinner. One in particular that caught your eye was him in a black tee shirt with a silver chain around his neck. Hello big arms! He had a softer face with a sharp jawline. Something about him seemed so friendly, making you even more willing to take the leap of faith.
"Come on, y/n," your one roommate begged. "We want to take a peak on tonight's bachelor."
You rolled your eyes before giving in and showed them his profile. One by one, your phone was passed around. Yet, after each person, there was a wide smile which indicated a sign of approval from your roommates. They knew that it took someone special for you to say yes, but it seemed like Dino had unlocked it just by sending a simple message.
"So what's the verdict, y/n? Are you extending a rose to Dino?"
What can you say? You guys really do love reality TV shows.
Without responding, your fingers went to work on the keypad of the app.
"Yeah, that sounds great! What's your favorite type of food? You can pick the restaurant as long as you meet me there at 7pm."
6:55pm
Dino had a routine when it came to first dates. Of course, he would shower first. He then would pick out an outfit that looked good but also one that was comfortable. Sometimes, after sitting for a while, he disliked the way certain jeans felt and he didn't want to be too squirmy in the chair across from his date. But he didn't want to dress too casually that might give the impression he was putting in little effort into this date.
For tonight, he opted for a pair of baggy jeans, a white t-shirt, and a tri-color cardigan. It was approaching that time of year when it might be a bit warm when the sun comes out, but gets a bit chilly still when the sun sets. Plus, he suggested going to a Mexican restaurant in between the two of you, so he knew while it might be a laid back setting, that he still looked presentable.
He had driven to the restaurant, since taking public transportation would take a bit too long especially since the restaurant was not even 20 minutes away. It was still light out too, but he knew when it was dark, he also had the opportunity to drive you home in the event you opted not to drive.
With his wallet and keys in his pockets, he approached the front entrance of the restaurant. It was a bit crowded for a Sunday night, but honestly, Dino didn't mind either way. He was admittedly excited that he was going to go out with you. Before leaving, Jeonghan and Seungkwan hyped him up and warned "she seems like a good girl, don't scare her."
There, indeed, was something different about you. Dino just couldn't put a finger on it, but that also made this date exciting. He's never had this level of interest in someone before.
As he approached, he noticed you were standing up front waiting for him. He couldn't help but smile at the gesture but also pick up his pace, not wanting you to be left waiting for long. Your thumb double-tapped your home screen, showing the time. Your noticeably let out a sigh before picking up your head. With a slight turn of your head, you made direct eye contact with him.
Dino couldn't help but notice the way your shoulders relaxed. Was she nervous? That's adorable. He wouldn't be rude and comment on it. He was just meeting you after all, and he wouldn't be so mean to embarrass you. Talk about a bad first impression.
"Hey y/n," he said as he approached you. "And you must be Dino," you smiled.
Gosh, her voice sounds angelic.
He never knew of someone who's voice matched so well to who they are as a person, but that wasn't the case with you. You were dressed so elegantly. Nothing too outlandish - just a pair of jeans and a rainbow colored sweater that looked light enough to be worn in any type of climate. You looked cute and breathtaking at the same time. A real life angel.
"I'm sorry if I kept you waiting," Dino apologized.
He reached behind you to open the front door, nodding his head for you to step in first. Your cheeks flushed quickly which caused Dino to smile brighter. "Thank you," you said before walking in. Dino let you take a few steps ahead of him before he joined in behind you. He kept a respectful distance, so you didn't feel uncomfortable but enough to indicate to any patron you two were together.
"Hi! I called earlier for dinner for two? The name is under Lee Chan."
The hostess nodded before looking down at the booklet, her finger acting as if it was guided to her name. Once she spotted his name, she grabbed the sharpie and crossed it out. She then proceeded to grab two menus before turning towards the two of you. "If you will follow me."
You glanced behind him with a wider smile this time. "You made reservations?" "Of course! I wanted to play it on the safe side."
It was such a tiny gesture but one that surely made your heart flutter. You never knew of anyone calling this particular restaurant for reservations, let alone anyone make reservations for the two of you. Knowing that Dino had been that thoughtful made you feel special. That had to be a tell-tale sign of the type of person he was. It just reassured you that this indeed was a good decision, even if it was spur of the moment.
You two were led to a booth along the wall. You were able to people watch if you desired, one of your favorite things to do. But it also offered enough privacy for the two of you to really get to know each other.
"M'lady," Dino said jokingly.
And he's funny! You giggled before accepting the menu from him. Being a bit nervous, you did look over the menu online before the date. You weren't trying to put too much weight on this date and all that it could potentially lead to. However, you still wanted things to go well.
"So? I gotta ask, is your name Dino or Chan? Or is there some secret third option?"
Dino couldn't help but laugh at your question. It was a fair question, and he knew that he would have to provide some context eventually. Lowering his menu, he wanted to be able to make eye contact with you. He didn't want to be rude!
"So, my full name is Lee Chan, but my friends call me Dino." "Dino," you said to yourself, smiling. "Why do they call you that?"
He smiled fondly at the memory of how he gained his nickname.
The menu was fully resting on the table, not only because he had made his dinner selection but because ehe was now fully invested in the conversation with you.
On the receiving end, the attention was a bit overwhelming. You were not so accustom to someone you were interested in making such direct eye contact with you. It only intensified the butterflies you felt in your tummy by his conscious choice of body language.
Yet, it wasn't something Dino just knew to be good manners. Plus, after one date when he looked all over the restaurant instead of just focusing on his date, he learned that's one way how you don't secure a second date.
"Well, believe it or not, y/n, I was a shy guy. Especially when I first was starting college? I could barely say hi without feeling nervous. But I guess as I experienced what it means to be in college, put myself out there, I started to gain more and more confidence. Eventually, my friends started to notice and said I was like the T-Rex in Jurassic Park, just bursting into the room and getting everyone's attention with my loud energy."
You nodded gently as you listened to him, smiling. You wanted him to keep talking to you, about himself. It helped take some of the pressure off of yourself, but you also were genuinely interested in Dino.
"Well, it is a very fitting nickname. Cute, I like it." "Cute like me?" Dino winked.
Immediately, your cheeks turned bright red as you tried hiding behind your menu. Dino couldn't help but chuckle more which only made you want to sink further into the booth, to hide. Was it a pitiful laugh or did he find it attractive?
God, what have I gotten myself into?
The waitress was your saving grace. You didn't have to come to some lame excuse or be subject to Dino's line of questioning quite yet. The waitress also coming around to take your order allowed the blood to subside from your cheeks. You wanted to try to be this cool and mysterious, to leave a good first impression. But honestly? You felt like a fish out of water. This was a brand new experience for you, and you were beginning to think you were too over your head.
Were you even ready to date? How does one even know if they are ready or need more time?
Once your orders were placed, Dino and you handed your menus to the waitress before she left you two alone. Here we go.
"So, y/n, tell me about yourself," Dino asked before taking a sip out of his water.
Okay! An easy question! Perfect.
You sat up a bit straighter in the booth, becoming a bit self conscious of your posture. At least from everything you've heard and seen about dates, even the tiniest things can make or break the date.
You told Dino about how you recently graduated college in the winter. Recently, you took the leap to move the city as your job was switching from remote to a hybrid model. You also needed the change of scenery, which has helped you want to put more roots down in the city.
Dino was impressed with your sheer perseverance. It's never easy to say goodbye to what you now and venture into the unknown, but you proved it was possible.
"Wow, that's really incredible. Good for you, y/n. I moved here with two of my best friends, so I cannot not imagine just making such a big move. Do you live alone?" "Oh no, I have like 5 roommates in our three floor apartment. It really helps." "So like a little family?" "Definitely feels like that sometimes," you laughed.
Truly, you held your roommates close to your heart. Not only did things work out for a good living situation, but they were the first friends you made in the city. They helped you through the homesickness you felt by letting you openly talk about life back home, or push for you to cook some of your favorite meals for them to try.
They also were big supporters in your venturing into dating. They offered many tips into how to date safely and allowed you to ask questions without judgement. They also were clearly very excited you took a chance of Dino rather than running in the opposite direction.
"So is that why you're on the dating apps? If you don't mind me asking, do you find yourself ready to date in a new palce?"
Well, he was half-right.
"Yeah, I think I'm ready to finally open myself up in that way. Moving and getting used to my surroundings really took a large chunk of my time." "No, that's completely understand. I've come to learn you need to be satisfied with yourself and other aspects of your life before being vulnerable with someone else because someone can really shake things up." "Well, for better and for worse."
He smiled at your optimism before nodding in agreement.
"So, if you don't mind me asking, when was your last relationship? It sounds like you have some past experience."
Dino couldn't help but chuckle. It wasn't really at the question himself, but the experiences he has had with dating were a bit comical. You frowned a bit, worrying that you asked the same question. He quickly stopped though to offer a gentle smile.
"Sorry, it's not you. Some memories of past dates came flooding in," he explained.
Well, that's more than I have, so you couldn't wait to hear them. Maybe they were just as funny as some are on the sitcoms you liked to rewatch?
Yet, you couldn't help but wonder if your very limited experience would be a deal breaker.
"What about you though? If you don't mind me asking," Dino said, restating the exact words you said to him.
It was meant to be comforting, but it made you all the more nervous. I guess it was the moment of truth.
"If we're being honest, I haven't been in a serious relationship before."
As you spoke, your tone was softer than from how you had previously carried it throughout the conversation. Dino couldn't help but frown and feel his heart chip a bit. Going on dates and then dating someone was always exciting, so he felt empathetic that you hadn't quite experienced that type of emotions yet. And he also felt sad that people had done you wrong.
"People suck," he murmured. "I'm sorry that you've been out with people who didn't take the time to realize how lucky they were for meeting you."
Your eyes widened at his words. You opened your mouth to clarify but you were so thrown off by his words. Luck? He thought it was a good thing meeting me? A complete stranger? You bit the inside of your cheek to try to rid of the creeping blush on your cheeks. This guy was too sweet to you.
"I mean, I felt like I was lucky when I found out you swiped on me," he confessed.
Now it was Dino's turn to blush. Your eyes widened but you couldn't help but smile wider. It was endearing to see him get a bit shy, almost like he was revealing the past version of himself. You were truly the lucky one that someone had just wanted to spend their Sunday evening with you.
"Trust me, I felt the same way. Even more so when you asked me. It was an easy yes."
Dino's ego came soaring back a bit. He knew the hardship of dating in college and trying to form authentic relationships. What he found himself wanting to do now was give you the best that he could offer to you.
"So is that what you meant in your bio when you put that you are looking for something new?"
It was as if in that moment you could hear glass shattering. Reality had come back into full swinging, shattering any sense of hope you had. There was no fighting the truth because it always finds a way to reveal itself. God, I just want to be eaten by the floor.
"Actually, yes and no?"
You sounded unsure of yourself. Yet, not wanting to jump to any conclusions, Dino kept a smile curled onto his lips. The way he sat was relaxed yet he was leaning in slightly, showing you that he was ready to listen to you. It was a silent way of encouraging you to speak, if you wanted to that is. Honestly, Dino just appreciated that he was with someone who seemed genuine rather than someone looking for a free meal or just to sneak off to the bedroom afterwards.
"So yes, this," you said, gesturing between the two of you. "is new to me. I've never gone on a date with a guy I matched from Tinder."
As if Dino's ego could grow anymore. You took a chance on him? You decided to try something new, to experience something different from your day-to-day all because you saw his profile? And that himself decided to take a risk and message you? Damn, he just won the damn lottery.
"But dating in general is new for me."
Woah, pause. You've never dated someone before? His eyes widened and jaw dropped slightly.
All you could do was sit there as began to panic. Oh no. Everything around you felt like it was coming tumbling down. And to make matters worse, the waitress showed up with your dinner plates. She set them down in front of the two of you respectful. The awkward tension literally being cut by the sound of sizzling meats from Dino's fajitas and the steam rising into the air.
"Let me know if you two need anything else!"
I need you to help me get out of this nightmare.
"Sorry," Dino said, clearing his throat. God, he felt awful. He could actually see the way your heart shattered at his reaction. And the thing was that he didn't even think it was a bad thing. He was just surprised because he was under the impression that everyone his age just dated around and that it was awful.
Time to do some damage control.
"I'm just surprised. I know it can't be because guys weren't throwing themselves at you. I mean, you are absolutely breathtaking," he vocalized. "But you really never have been on a first date? Ever?" "Never ever," you said, laughing nervously.
Now he felt the need just to get to know you, but also be protective of you. You truly were an angel in every sense to him.
The remainder of the date was smooth. It was as if disclosing your little secret helped you feel more relaxed. It also helped that Dino didn't come from a place of judgement. You did end up asking him what all he had experienced, and he admitted that it was quite a bit more.
But it seems like the thing you two were searching for was an authentic love connection. It was something Dino has gotten close to experiencing, but only scratched the surface of discovering.
Dino was the absolute gentleman during the date. He made sure you had enough water, that you were enjoying your meal, and that he even paid. That was something he wouldn't let you dispute. You weren't expecting it either, which also took Dino by surprised. He figured it was just first date etiquette that the man pays. Yet, you've heard too many horror stories from your roommates and TikToks were the guy doesn't even over to pay his half.
He even offered to drive you home. You were hesitant, for which Dino than at least offered to order you an Uber back to your apartment. But feeling guilty of him spending more money, you agreed to a ride back to your apartment. He allowed you to put in your address into the GPS before you relaxed in the passenger seat.
Never before did Dino think there was something special about a person riding passenger seat. Now, he wanted you always to be by his side in this sense. He loved glancing over whenever he rolled up to the stop sign or stopped at a red light that he could see you.
There indeed was something different about you, and Dino felt it. You were unlike any other woman he's been with as you seemed to want to invest in someone, to create something unique. You made him feel as though all those trials and tribulations of dating were all worth it if it meant it led all to you this whole time.
Coming up to your apartment, Dino parked the car. You raised an eyebrow as you watched him get out. It all clicked though when he walked around to open the passenger side door.
"You really are a gentleman, huh?" You said teasingly. "Hey, I'm just making sure you get to experience everything you've missed out on."
You smiled brightly at him before gently getting out of the passenger seat. And this time, you didn't hide your blushing cheeks. Dino loved knowing that he could elicit that type of reaction out of you, and he wanted to do it more often. Hopefully he's done enough to get you to consider a second date.
Once he made sure you were on the sidewalk and away from the door, he closed it. Slowly, he began walking you to the front door of your row house apartment. It was as if he didn't want the night to end. Neither did you.
"So," he began. "How was your very first date?" "It was everything I could have dreamed of and then some. Thank you for your kindness, Dino." "Anything for you, angel,' he confessed in a hushed tone.
Angel. I could get used to that.
Sooner than you two would like, you arrived at the steps of your apartment. Turning towards each other, you seemed like a lost for words. Especially you. What do you say to a guy that seems too good to be real? While you were hopeful he would want a second date, you wanted to be realistic. You couldn't fight the thoughts of your anxiety creeping in - what if he was only kind because he felt bad for you?
"I had a great time tonight, y/n," Dino began.
You were more than happy to let him take the lead on any sort of closing statement. Your racing heart and mind just was anticipating a 'but' to slip in.
"I don't want you to feel pressured to say yes to a second date. I know that there are a whirlwind of emotions that comes with any first date, let alone your very first one. All I'm saying is that I hope you consider seeing me again?"
The man in front of you was not the confident man you just had dinner with. He was biting his lip gently, his hands were in his pockets as he tried his damn best to keep eye contact with you. But, you could tell that he was anticipating a rejection.
Oh, how the tables have turned. Gently, you took a step towards Dino. His eyes widened slightly but he couldn't fight the smile on his face. Leaning up gently, you pressed your lips to his cheek lingeringly.
"And miss out on experiencing a second date? No way."
243 notes · View notes
lynnlovesthestars · 7 months
Note
Hi! I’m new to your blog and have been loving all of your works!
If you’re comfortable with it, I was wondering how you think Astarion would react/feel about a virgin tav/reader who went through SA when they were younger, and wish to wait until they are both completely ready and comfortable with being intimate?
Hii, I can definitely do it, though i will merge it with another ask I received- asking to write hcs about Astarion learning Tav is a survivor.
I will say, making it with the hc has been a little easier on me, usually when i write about SA i spend an insane amount of time making sure i'm comfortable and you (readers) are as well, and i hesitate a lot before publishing it *(queue up scars and blood, that I wrote on an impulse after a nightmare, and it took me a solid week before publishing it)*
ANYWAYS.
ofc I hope this will be of comfort to you, and it won't trigger you.. sometimes all we want is to find solace into our favourite characters, so i wish tonight this will in a way comfort you...
and if anyone needs to vent, or talk, feel free to hit up my dm's, they are a safe space for anyone and i'll always offer up comfort.. we don't need to struggle alone, and sometimes being heard is what we need to make a new step forward<3
As always, my little stars, excercise kindness! we don't know who's gonna pass by this, and we don't know how hard it can be for them.
This being said, I hope you'll like it!
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Headcanon: Astarion learning Tav is a survivor.
Pairing: Astarion x reader. Warnings: mentions of past trauma and SA. wc: 1.7k
-He starts suspecting something about it around the time of the tiefling party. He had offered to sneak out while everyone was asleep to "enjoy yourselves", but you refused right away. He definitely picked up some involuntary movement you did that told him there was more to the "I'm not ready". You probably flinched or jerked away, usually it would go unnoticed, but Astarion could recognize the subtle harshness hidden behind your reaction.
-He doesn't want to pry into it, as much as he needed to know as much as possible about you- he says for the sake of his undead skin- he wasn't entirely confident you trusted him enough to share your past. Also he wasn't sure he could handle someone confiding in him, but he would never admit it. At the end of the day, all he knew about social interaction were faint memories of his magistrate life, or means to survival. He simply wasn't sure he could have the empathy to deal with someone else's emotions, both in good and in bad.
-When you meet the gur, and you start peering into his past, he can't hide the very obvious rock in the shoe, Cazador and his spawn life, and it is because of the gur that you actually open up to him. When he starts going deeper and deeper into Cazador's orders to him and his repulsion towards sex, you do feel like you can share something so intimate, that's been heavy on you, well since it happened. 
-The first time you mention it though, you are very blunt.
-"And honestly I don't know anything else besides disgust for it" He'd admit as he bit the inside of his cheek.
"I'm sorry, Astarion" You'd start, you wanted to hold his hand to comfort him, cause that kind of pain you knew. "I understand how you feel though. If you need—" He cut you short, anger was bubbling quickly in his stomach. You swore his face almost reddened in anger as he raised his voice.
"No, you don't" He was one sound shirt from hissing at you. "You cannot understand what it feels like" He'd sneer at you. "No one can understand what it feels like to be stripped of your bodily autonomy". In a way the harshness in his voice was like a slap to your face, cause you did in fact know. From the other, you didn't expect your brain to beeline directly towards that sealed drawer in your brain where you tried to hide the haunting memory. 
“I went through it myself, you shithead” You got up, uncaring of whatever reaction he could have in that moment, and you just left.
-He was taken aback, on different levels, both because of your sudden shift in mood, because of the blunt reveal, and deep down because he was sorry, though again he’d never admit it out loud.
-You ignored him for the rest of the day, avoiding his stare and disappearing in your tent right after you were done setting camp, and that unsettled him so much that he was weighing the possibility of apologizing cause, of course, he didn’t know.
-You skipped dinner, and even when everyone else was asleep, you didn’t come out from your tent to take your usual nightly walk. The pang of guilt was becoming more like a stab as he saw the light in your tent still burning, and the faint shadow of you moving around restless.
-He prepared a peace offering, a bowl of the leftover stew, as he had to muster the guts to apologize. 
-”Sorry, I was an asshole earlier, I brought you food” He blurted out right after he knocked on the wooden support of the tent, and he was surprised when you still let him in.
-Initially it was awkward, cause you were eating and not saying anything, but after a while he mustered up the courage to offer his shoulder to you. “If you even wish to talk” He’d say.
-You told him a bit of what happened, without going too much into detail, since you were still shaken from the memories that resurfaced.
-Since then he started to learn your boundaries: how to catch your attention without startling you, what were triggering topics for you, how you liked physical touch, and how it triggered you as well.
-In a way he becomes very protective of you, especially if you open up more often about your trauma, and you can see it.
-He made sure everyone respected your boundaries, whether it was Gale with his weave thing pulling you too close, or a stranger breathing on your neck, he was always ready to remind them of their place. 
-”Don’t you see our dear captain doesn't want to be that close?!” “Keep your hands to yourself, they don't like being grabbed by the wrists” “Get away from her, before I stab you” 
-He noticed how you always double checked the perimeter of the camp before the sun would set, and before getting in your tent you’d always look around in the distance, trying to spot if something was out of place. So he joined you in your routine, helping you check around and make sure you were ready in case anything could have happened.
-As you get closer, and you both open up more to each other, he even suggests he moves his tent closer to yours. “I can keep an eye around” Was his explanation, when he first brought it up. 
-And it helped so much with your sleep, you felt a little safer.
-If you didn’t feel safe at night, he’d suggest putting your tents together into one. Maybe it was a way to keep you closer, or he needed reassurance, but he made sure you knew you could place your bedroll anywhere as far or as close to him as you liked.
-Eventually as your bond would deepen and deepen, and you’d grow fond of each other, you found yourselves rediscovering your touch together. It started with your fingers tapping on his arm as you were walking, or a strand of your hair being pulled behind your ear. Some nights you’d sit close in your tent, and would hold hands, caress each other’s cheeks, and slowly even reach out for a kiss or two.
-It was a slow process, where you really got to know each other like no one else ever did. You could read each other like a book, yet you never shied away from asking each other for consent for anything.
-”Can I hold your hand” “Can I kiss your cheek” “Can I rest my head on your chest”
-The thing you both struggled with the most, was falling asleep holding each other. You’d panic very quickly when you would feel your chest becoming tighter. He’d move away as quickly as possible, and give you the space you needed.
-When he confesses he has been falling for you, it’s time to approach the very delicate topic of sex. You opened up about the fact that you wanted to wait ‘till you were ready, and he agreed without hesitation. Of course because he understood where you came from, he never asked for any help either, if he’d feel like he needed some release, he’d disappear for a bit and deal with it himself, without making you feel like a burden.
“I just want to make sure we are on the same page on this” You’d say as you crossed your arms, almost as if you wanted to fold yourself in and away. “If you want to have sex, I can’t right now” You’d start saying, but stop on your tracks for a second. “Wait, not that I can’t. I don’t want to have sex at the moment” You’d correct yourself, confident in your statement, he wasn’t even thinking about it, though he respected completely.
“I get it, and it’s okay my love” He’d say, patting your shoulder, and wondering whether he wanted to hold your hand or kiss it, he wanted to let you know he truly understood. “I don’t want to either” He smiled, and in that moment it was like both you two finally breathed. You’d reach for his hand to hold it in yours.
“It’s not because of you though” You wanted to explain to him, you were so close it was something you were ready to share, especially since you were slowly walking towards a different level of intimacy together, he had to know. “I want to do it when we are both ready” 
“I understand, my sweet, there’s no need for explanations” He’d smile again, one of his fangs slightly poked out against his lip. “You said you don’t want sex yet, so it’s no” 
“I’m a virgin” You’d blurt out, and that was something he didn’t entirely expect.
“Oh” He’d say at first, but as he noticed your cheeks slowly warming up, he pulled you closer to him, his forehead against yours. “It’s okay, I don’t care about it” He’d exhale. “As long as it’s you, I don’t care about anything” 
-When you reach Baldur’s Gate and finally you settle in the elfsong tavern, you made sure you always had a corner of time dedicated to helping each other relearn touch. 
-You'd lay next to each other in different levels of nakedness depending on how you felt at the moment, and you'd spend your time tracing each other's features. Whenever you'd feel comfortable enough to venture into a new thing, he'd ask for permission. 
-"Would you feel comfortable if I touched your hips?" "Can I trace your scars with my fingers?” “May I pull you closer?”
-You didn't fight time, you didn't rush towards sex. It came slowly and it was a process full of ups and downs. Some attempts ended up with you both sobbing, too overwhelmed. Other's ended up with panic attacks. Eventually though, after a lot of work together, you reached a point where you'd be able to make love.
-it was a very soft moment between you two. It involved a lot of comforting, kisses and patience, but it was something so profound, it wasn't only about shared pleasure, but it was about connecting your bodies and your souls. In a way it was like a wedding for you two it was the peak of trust you could have with each other. 
-He'd whisper so many times how proud he was of you, how much he loved you, and how glad he was that you were the one that would spend their life with him.
-Tears eventually arrived, they were the tears of two souls that finally had reclaimed a bit of their freedom. It was the cries of someone that was finally healing. 
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unreliablesnake · 8 months
Text
Bliss (Ghost x f!reader)
Summary: Ghost gives in to his feelings, putting the fact he's above you in the ranks aside, and meets you after your latest mission.
Note: Part 2 of this, but it can be read as a stand-alone. / Here's the happy ending, I hope you'll like it. / If you want to know when I post new stuff, follow @unreliablesnakefics and hit the get notifications button.
Warning: SMUT, MINORS DNI! Afab!reader. Fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v.
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A little voice in the back of his mind kept telling Ghost to break down his walls. Let’s not worry about ranks, let’s not worry about consequences. Keep it a secret, make it some fun sneaking game just for the two of you.
To his disappointment, you kept your distance after that night. Not like he could blame you after he made it clear there could be nothing between you. While he stood next to Price in the briefing room, you looked at him every once in a while, your eyes showing the kind of sadness that made it hard for him to focus. He wished he could hug you, tell you he was sorry and he made a grave mistake by pushing you away.
Because as the days passed, he became more and more sure that he should give in to his needs. He wanted to be with you, but strictly outside of work. This way he could keep a little distance, he could sell himself the idea of breaking the rules.
Soap noticed that something had changed between the two of you, but he only dropped half a sentence before changing his mind. He knew better than to dig into his superior's private life. Whether he had asked you or not, Ghost didn't know. But for his own sanity, he assumed he did not.
The night before they could finally go home, he was scrolling your Instagram profile while lying on his bed, smiling to himself every time he saw a picture of you. It was rare, mostly found among the photos you were tagged in, but he was grateful for each and every one of them.
Suddenly he felt the mattress shift as someone sat down on its edge. He turned off the phone's screen and put it down next to his head to see who it was. When his eyes landed in you, he felt a wave of guilt passing through his body.
"Why are you torturing yourself?" you asked kindly as you reached out to place a hand on his chest.
His skin burned where you touched him, making it really hard to resist the urge to put his hands on top of yours. "What are you talking about?"
You let out a sigh at this. "You liked those photos by accident, I guess. Ghost, you said we can't be together, yet you keep looking at my photos. I'm gonna ask you again. Why are you torturing yourself?"
As he propped on his elbows, Ghost thought about the answer. "I don't want to be away from you," he admitted so honestly that he surprised himself. Well, based on the look on your face, there was no turning back now. "I know I said we can't be together, but I can't stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I try. Why are you like this, huh? Why are you so irresistible?" he asked, his question nothing more but a barely audible whisper.
With a smile, you leaned closer and slowly moved your hand up to his neck, your fingers brushing the hem of his balaclava. "Meet me after the mission," you told him quietly, your voice carrying the sort of authority that made it impossible to say no to you.
Ghost knew he was at your mercy, there was no way he could say no to that. He wasn't strong enough. So he took your hand in his and moved closer to give you a kiss through the fabric of his mask, savoring the feeling just in case this was the first and last time he could do it.
"Come on, I know you want to meet me," you tried kindly, your eyes locked with his as you waited for his response.
"Fuck, love, how could I say no to that?" the lieutenant breathed against your lips.
And he sent you a DM to discuss the details, making sure to keep the conversation online so the others wouldn't know about it. He didn't want conflict. He didn't want tension. The tension between the two of you was more than enough on his plate.
Three days later he was standing in front of your door, this time without his usual mask, his hand raised to knock. But he hesitated, he wasn't so sure anymore about this date. No, he could do it. He shouldn't be that–
"So you're just gonna stand here without letting me know you're here?" he heard your voice all of a sudden.
When he looked up, he noticed you standing in the now open door, your arm resting against the doorframe. You looked so happy and relaxed, the total opposite of what he usually saw during missions. With your trendy clothes and light makeup, he felt like kissing you on those cherry red lips.
"God, why are you like this?" he asked from no one in particular before acting on his instincts and pulling you into a kiss.
You giggled against his lips as you pulled him inside by the front of his shirt. "And you're really handsome. Have you been told that?" you inquired with a wide grin when he kicked in the door and pushed your back against it.
He gently bit on your lower lip, happy to hear a satisfied moan escape you. "We're not gonna leave for dinner, are we?"
You shook your head in response, letting him know that he was free to do whatever he wanted. And Ghost didn't need you to repeat yourself, he took the lead without hesitation, his hands moving to remove your clothes with precise and calculated moves.
Ghost's hands roamed your body as if he was trying to memorize every inch and every curve, turning it into a core memory along with everything you were about to do tonight. Because he was sure this would be a night to remember, he could feel that what you had there was truly magical.
"I want to taste you," he mumbled against your neck, enjoying the way you pushed your body against his upon hearing his request.
You gave him the directions to your bedroom, moving in perfect sync with him until the point he picked you up and gently laid you down. Ghost kneeled down next to the bed then wrapped his muscular arms around your thighs to pull you closer to his mouth.
"Prop on your elbows, sweetheart, I want to see your beautiful eyes," he ordered you sternly, making you do as he said while his tongue ran along your already wet cunt. "Look at you. I barely did anything and you're already having trouble focusing on me."
While Ghost laughed at this, you couldn't mirror his reaction. Your thoughts were somewhere else, somewhere much higher, but he didn't mind as long as your eyes were on him. He gently sucked on your clit, the mewl leaving your swollen lips sounding like music to his ears.
It wasn't a race, but he wanted to win, and winning meant drawing an orgasm out of you as fast as he could. He wanted to see how badly you wanted him, how your body reacted to his touch, and so when you tried pressing your thighs together only from feeling his tongue exploring your pussy, he pushed them wider apart, not giving you the chance to stop him.
Your eyes were hazy when he looked into them again, which drew a satisfied smirk on his shiny lips. He let go of one of your thighs and gently dipped a finger into your needy hole, slowly pumping as he returned to your puffy clit, sucking on it as if he was having his last dinner in this world.
You threw your head back in pleasure when he pushed another finger inside you, whispering his name over and over again, begging him to keep going, to make you come. "Simon, please, I can't," you whined between your moans, your hands twisting the sheets.
Ghost let out a deep growl as he put his other hand on your stomach to keep you in place. "Come on, love, come for me," he said, his eyes fixed on you, looking for the eye contact that could hopefully push you over the edge.
And the moment you looked into his amber eyes, your body began to shake, meaningless words leaving those perfect lips like a prayer as you finally reached your first high. He lapped up every drop of your flowing juices, just like he was a man starved, and he couldn't stop smiling while he watched your body slowly relax again.
He licked his fingers clean before pressing one more kiss on your cunt and getting rid of his own clothes. He signaled you to move on the bed, and you crawled up to the headboard, your hand reached out to invite him closer, legs wider apart to give him enough space. He gave you a sloppy kiss, simply loving the way his cock teased your entrance.
"Mind if I don't use a condom? I wanna feel you, baby," he asked between kisses.
You were probably still too lost in the sensation your orgasm left behind to think straight, so you agreed, and he was bad enough not to care about whether or not it was the right decision to make. He wanted it too badly to play nice this time. And if it came down to it, there was always a morning after pill to solve the problem.
So he pushed the tip in, teasing you just enough to earn your whispered pleas for more, begging him to finally fill your needy cunt. But for now he enjoyed this little game of his, only giving you the tip before pulling out, slowly turning you into a desperate mess.
"Si, please," you begged again as you reached up to grab his bicep.
"You want me to fuck you this badly?" he asked with a smirk, then leaned down to give you a soft kiss.
You returned it, hungrily devouring him while moving your hips in a futile attempt to get him to finally make a move. Ghost thought for a second, wondering if he should stop being cruel and just give you what you wanted so badly. Seeing the look in your beautiful eyes, he let out a sigh and decided not to tease you any longer.
At first he went slow, pushing his cock into your cunt slowly, giving you the time to get used to his size. Your tight pussy felt like heaven, and he didn't think he could last long if you didn't relax soon. "Love, try to relax," he told you quietly, pushing a strand of hair out of your face.
"It's hard to relax when you're filling me up so well," you whined before pulling his head down into another kiss.
He began to move his hips in a steady rhythm, feeling ecstatic from hearing your sweet mewls and moans, feeling you press your body close to his as you arched your back from pleasure. He felt your cunt clench around his cock, keeping him deep between your velvety walls, and sending him closer to the edge.
He sped up, going a little harder maybe, but not hard enough to hurt you. He paid attention to your reactions, making sure you enjoyed every second of your time together. When your breathing and the noises you made changed, he knew it wouldn't take much for you to have your next orgasm.
So he reached down to rub your clit with his thumb, earning a pathetic whine from you in return, but he didn't stop, it only made him more determined to give you what you deserved. "Come on, baby, I know you're close," he told you before kissing your neck.
And soon enough you finally came around his cock, causing him to reach his high as well not long after that, but he was still focused, he still wanted to fuck you through it. You were overstimulated, completely lost in the sensation, and he simply couldn't get enough of this sight.
He raised his body to kneel between your legs after he pulled out, pushing his leaking cum back into your cunt as he proudly smiled to himself. There you were, a broken mess despite him not even going that hard on you. This was intimate and caring sex, not the rough stress relief he usually experienced with other women.
You were special, the light in his dark life, and the more he thought about it, the more sure he became that he didn't want to let you go. He crawled back next to you, pulling you against his chest before placing a soft kiss on your forehead.
"Mind if I stick around for a few more days? I could use more of your perfect little pussy," he suggested cheekily.
You let out a quiet chuckle before giving him a soft kiss. "I wanted to ask you to stay, so we were thinking the same thing."
Ghost wasn't used to this, but he loved this feeling. He loved how calm and happy he was around you, how easily you could make him forget about his crappy life.
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slvtforfiction · 2 months
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Short imagine + Headcanons for Schlatt :)
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☆ Schlatt X Reader
☆ Headcanons
☆ Fluff/suggestive
☆ If you are going to request: please check at the pinned post if requests are open,otherwise I will delete your requests which I have already been doing
☆ Creds to @cafekitsune for dividers :)
Masterlist | Pinned post
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☆ Schlatt is going to announce your relationship by posting a photo of you two cuddling (you cuddling him because he doesn’t want to seam “weak”) and saying something like “I’ve bagged a woman”
☆ Schlatt is honestly so sweet off camera,the different personas really making a switch. Like if you came onto his stream he would make constant jokes about you but if he’s not streaming let’s be honest,he cuddling up to your chest.
“Ignore that it was a moment of weakness chat.” He’d say if you came into stream
☆ “Guys I hate Valentine’s Day it’s all bullshit-“ Buys you roses,chocolate and a small necklace for you
☆ If you ever joined one of his streams and got hate in dms,twitter etc he would definitely post something on twitter like ; “I love my girl and if you don’t fuck off,fucking idiots hating on someone you don’t know,get a life.”
☆ “Schlatt come to bed it’s late” You know what he would do? Mock the shit out of you before coming to bed to cuddle with his little girl ; “Awh does baby want some hugs?” || “Awh can you not sleep without me?”
☆ Honestly I feel like he wouldn’t actually go too far with his jokes, he knows the limits and boundaries of what he can say/joke about and wouldn’t cross them to save himself.
☆ Honestly a sweetheart but tell him that and he’s immediately a tough guy ;
*You and schlatt laying in bed together with schlatt on your chest*
“You’re such a pretty boy.”
“Don’t push it.”
☆ And adding to that,he secretly loves every nickname you have for him because he knows that it’s special to him and you don’t share that nickname with anyone else.
☆ The dominant one in the relationship,massively,not just in bed but all around the house he’s a very masculine presence. Need help with something? He’s on it immediately. Need help getting off?he’s going down.
☆ Will constantly let you have your way with his hair,though he would sit there and complain in actuality he has all the time in the world for you and so if you want to fiddle with his hair,put it in small pony tails etc. go ahead.
☆ If you needed it he would definitely help you with more feminine typical things such as hair,makeup and nails. (Disclaimer: I’m not saying these are feminine things I’m just saying it’s feminine typical!)
☆ If you are on your period he’s immediately by your side. “What do you want? Chocolate,hot water bottle?” || “I heard that *insert thing* helps”.
☆ He’s not letting anyone talk to you the way he talks to you,at all. If someone calls you a nickname he uses he’s making his presence known in the most intimidating way. Jealousy.
☆ He has the best music taste,long road trip? Turn that shit up !! Definitely the type of person to listen to any genre of music,as long as he likes the tune,he doesn’t care.
☆ Would help you with stream/youtube set ups. Would buy you lights/leds/cute little toys he’s found etc. Just to add a bit of himself to your set up.
“Babe I got you some more Leds for your room!”
“Awh you didn’t have to,thank you.”
☆ Would definitely brag about you to his friends. Ted has heard every single positive description of you along with multiple pictures of you whilst he brags about how pretty you are.
☆ Would absolutely spoil you. You know when you mentioned 3 months ago that you wanted a new pair of converse in that new colour you saw? They’re now at your door
“Jay you have to stop buying me things!”
“You’re my girlfriend,I’ll do whatever I want.”
☆ Would definitely call it weakness whenever he showed affection on stream. He would joke about it enough on stream but the moment he’s off camera he’s showering you with affection and praise.
“Chat you didn’t see that,that was weakness.”
☆ “Schlatt + His girlfriend,cute moments!” They come up more regularly on your YouTube feed than Schlatt himself.
☆ He isn’t a huge fan of PDA but he will wrap a light hand around your waist,kiss your forehead etc. he wouldn’t do any big gestures in public.
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pixiesfz · 2 months
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It make me so sad that’s there is not much lotte or Teagan content on here 😭
I’m gonna mix my two requests for teagan together!!
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take the punch t.m
plot: you take a hard punch in a corner kick, turns out it’s from the girl you’ve been talking to for months.
warnings: injury, aggression from teammates, Player gets hit in the face and player is only given a yellow also I am NOT a doctor
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You stared at your phone and the messages that were on it.
More specifically the girl behind the messages.
You had met Teagan at the start of the season on her debut as Liverpools goal keeper.
She had been a pain in your ass.
saving your shots left right and centre, it annoyed you but impressed you so much that you went up to her afterwards.
“Teagan is it?” You ask, walking up to her and she nodded “uh yeah, your y/n” she responded and you nodded “you know your really good” you told her “wasn’t fun for me but you know” you laugh and she laughed with you.
“I was honestly very scared to go against you” she admitted and you rose your eyebrows “really?” You ask and she nodded “watched you in the World Cup when Australia versed you, got those goals past us like it was nothing”
Oh yes, you remember that day.
“Sorry for kicking you guys out” you said softly and she shook her head “nah it’s all good, had me mesmerised to be honest”
You blushed, “yeah?” you ask and the goal keeper nodded “definitely”.
Before you could response you felt the hands of your teammate drag you away “Chloe!” You complained as she smiled at you
“No fraternising with the enemy y/n/n”
“Shut up”.
When you went to bed that night you didn’t expect to wake up to a dm from the Australian.
‘I really hope this is your account and not just a very popular fan account’
And for the first time in a while you woke up with a smile.
After a month or so of talking online with the girl your teammates noticed a change in your behaviour.
You were smiling in the morning, trying new things for breakfast and pestering Mary and Alanna for Australian facts.
One day Alanna turned towards you “Alright who is it?”
“Who is what?”
“Who is the girl that is getting you all…giddy”
You stepped back “there is no girl”
“There is such a girl, who knew our little German could find love?” She grinned and pulled you into a loving headlock.
“Fine” you grunted “there is a girl” you admitted and cheers filled the room.
“Who is it?”
“Does she play?”
“Do we know her?”
“Please don’t let it be a physio”
You turned to Jill weirdly “what?” You asked and she just shrugged before you turned back to your teammates.
“I’m not going to tell her name yet just in case it doesn’t go well, yes she plays and yes some of you know her well”
You gave away your hints before the team realised it could literally be anyone in the WSL.
“Can you at least tell us the team?” Mary asked, using her power of being one of the younger, cuter members of the squad.
“No.”
You were on a FaceTime with the Australian when she made the first move “Do you want to go on another date with me?” She asked after the topic of your worst date ever came up.
You smiled bright, a blush burning on your cheeks but you were so ever happy “I would love to, we can walking on the beach again”.
“Well we have the Liverpool vs City game coming up next week so after that” she declared “nah, I was thinking something fancier, we can go on a nice dinner and-“
“I want you to surprise me” you cut her off “I want to know what your creative Australian mind thinks of”
“Well mostly it’s you” she chimed in and you groaned, rolling your eyes “oh shut up”
Teagan laughed at your reaction, smiling at the way you reacted to her cheesy pick up lines.
Texts back and forth between the two of you did not help your nerves for the game ahead of you. But mostly you were more nervous for the activities afterwards.
You had ended up confiding to your national teammate Lena about your situation ship with the Aussie, not letting your club teammates know just yet.
But when the game ends and the girls see you walking out the doors with Teagan they'll find out who your mystery girl is anyway so with your blood rushing and head spinning you finally and well accidently tell your man city teammate and unfortunately Teagan's international teammate Mary.
"Really?" she responds to your quick words as you laid them out quickly, you just blushed harder before she gives you a thinking face "well that makes sense".
You furrow your brows "how-why- how does it make sense?" you ask, your arms moving with your words "well last international break she seemed much happier and that was after we versed Liverpool and if we weren't at trainings she was like stuck on her phone"
You stepped back at your friends words, You and Teagan had only successfully been able to go on one date together by the time the first international break came over, it brough a smile to your face realizing that she was in a similar state as you afterwards.
"I can help you two!"
"Mary I will not allow this to become a primary school relationship!"
Soon the game was here, you were lined up with your team in the tunnel, not in the starting XI but still in your gear as a sub. Mary was behind you, still the only teammate who knew about Teagan.
"look who's watching" she teased and you turned red, quickly turning around and smacking her arm "stop" you instructed and turned towards Teagan who was near the front of her line, she was already smiling at your interaction with Mary but gave you a small wave which you copied before you all walked out.
"that hurt" Mary rubbed her arm "deal with it".
You weren't subbed on until the second half, City were up by one as Lauren sent one through Teagan's fingers and into the net. You saw Teagan dust herself off as you ran on, her eyes fell on you for a second before going back onto the play which you joined in on quickly after.
Jess had scored not long after and you cheered after her, jumping onto her back with a smile. You wanted to look back to Teagan to see if she was doing okay but you were in your element, playing the sport you love and in this case winning!
In the 87th minute Kerstin weaved through the midfield and in between defenders as you lead towards the goal, her eyes darted towards you and sent you the ball, you jumped to header it in and then black.
The crowd watched as you jumped in the air, the ball hitting the front of your forehead and unfortunately the fist of Teagan's hands hitting the back, causing you to fall forward straight on the floor which you stayed.
Teagan all of a sudden didn't care about the ball that hit the back of the net and quickly dropped down to you, rolling you on your back so you faced up to her. "Oh my god-"
Teagan was cut off as your teammates pulled her away "Get off of her Micah" someone called out, Mary, cringing on the sidelines as she couldn't split her teammates and her friend apart. The words were catching your ears as you stirred awake to whatever had just happened to you.
Teagan ignored the man city players pesters and kept her eyes on you "please I just want to see if she's okay" she told them but Alanna pulled her back as medics ran on "Teagan she's not going to want to see you" she told her and Teagan crossed her head "I was supposed to ask her to be my girlfriend tonight" she told Alanna and the tall Australian stepped back and looked back over to you with wide eyes.
"let her go over".
Teagan ran over to you as the medics sat you up, The referee also showing her a yellow card but she didn't care.
"Hmm- Teags" you slurred as the girl came into your view "what happened?" you ask and the girl pursed her lips.
"Kinda punched you in the face"
"Oh" you said, not really gaining the information, a clear concussion on your behalf
Teagan watched as you were taken off by medics and went back into her box, the game quickly changed in the last ten minutes, the crowd was quiet and the teams weren't playing as hard, Liverpool excepting their defeat and man city not celebrating their win.
Not without you.
You were taken into the medics room before they quickly decided to take you to the hospital for a CT scan.
Meanwhile at the game, some of the players skipped the walk around the field to talk with fans and checked to see where you were. Hospital was what word was heard and Teagan along-side with Man city players were on their way.
Teagan drove herself, maybe going a bit faster than usual but you were on her mind, this was her fault.
She had had a concussion before, a bad concussion, it took her out for months on the team. She didn't want the same for you.
She was the first to arrived still in her kit, your teammates walked in five minutes later, quickly seeing the girl and walking up to her "you don't have to take pity on her" Kerstin said, Lauren quickly following "a quick DM would have been fine for her", their words were filled with pettiness which Alanna and Mary quickly shut down.
"They're not strangers" Mary said quickly and they all turned their heads "what?" Chloe questioned, Leia still stepping up to the Goal keeper "then what are they?"
"She's the girl".
Leia stepped back as Chloe gasped "oh my god, we are so sorry" Teagan just nodded, she ignored their comments her mind strictly on you "she was gonna tell you today after the game"
"before you punched her"
"useful information, thankyou Mary"
All the girls sat down, waiting for you "do you think she'll be mad?" Teagan asked Alanna who shook her head "she knows what she signed up for when she took that header, she knows the game" the blonde said and Teagan just nodded, still not convinced you wont cuss her out when you see her.
You sat in the room, looking at the scans, you would have a month off which you nodded your head at "I know it's not ideal but you have to be on a bed rest for about a week and you will have to miss the next international break for Germany" the doctor told you and you once again nodded your head.
"But you will be well enough for the Olympic but if you don't make it to the finals then you'll be out until the end of the season"
You sniffed, rolling your head back to stop any tears. You were sure Man city would make it to the finals with how they were playing, but if you missed a month you weren't sure if you would get any minutes on the film.
You had seen how time off had done for others, you didn't want that to be you.
You walked out of the room looking defeated as ever, your teammates were the first to walk to you, checking up on you with little questions before Kerstin gave you a hug, silently apologizing for her kick which you told her was not her fault.
It was nobodies fault.
When they all walked away, Mary softly turned your head towards the Liverpool keeper who had left to grab flowers from one of the stalls nearby.
"I thought you would have gone home" you said, relieved at the sight of her "and go to the dinner by myself?" she joked and you softly laughed.
You touched the back of your head "I don't think I look nice enough for a fancy dinner right now" you said and Teagan stepped forward her arm raising towards yours "Well personally I think you look amazing"
You blushed as she she tucked your hair you had taken out behind your ear "how long are you out for?" she asked "only a month" you smiled "that's really good Y/n" she started before looking down "I'm really sorry I just wasn't thinking and-"
You cut her off y quickly pecking her lips, distracting her completely as she widened her eyes "I don't blame you Teagan" you said, grabbing the flowers with one hand and grabbing her other hand with the other.
"So you're not mad?"
You creased your eyebrows "of course not" she let out a sigh of relief "well that's good, might have to cancel our plans though" she said and you smirked "how bout we order take out at mine?"
"yeah?"
"yes."
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lordoftherazzles · 10 months
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Fanfic is supposed to be fun first and foremost.
The amount of disrespect I have seen lately regarding creators is both shocking and disgusting, especially when coming from other creators, and I honestly can't stay quiet about it any longer.
Maybe I'm looking at a lot of this very closely considering I've recently taken an indefinite break from one part of creating I once really enjoyed due to such disregard for my time and effort (rip gif making), but to see such careless comments and treatment for fic authors too??? BY OTHER FIC AUTHORS???
Isn't the world already cruel enough? We should be inviting in positivity and appreciation for the works of others. To celebrate the victories and accomplishments around something that is already nerve wrecking enough as it is. We should not be cultivating a circle where tearing authors apart is acceptable, regardless of if you liked a story or not.
Would you want it done to your works???
Fandom spaces should be fun. Fanfic is a free thing, typically done in what little free time we writers have, and shared with other people for the sake of having FUN. We are not professionals. This is not our full time job. We are not paid for it. Yet to treat fanfic like a professional literary circle is just...wrong. Criticism (constructive only, and when asked for it) is fine, and if you want to shit talk in your DMs to someone else, go for it, but to outright tear someone apart for their FREE fanfic that they wrote to HAVE FUN and ENJOY the fandom with other people in a public space for all eyes (including the author themselves) to see?
Gross.
We are all from different walks of life, and have different experiences that impact why we may or may not go about fic a certain way. Some of us don't speak English as our first language, and some don't go about having a beta reader, or are on a time crunch for an event, etc. You don't know someone's life, and have zero right to talk down another creator because they don't meet your small narrow-minded criteria of what is “good”. What's “bad” and “tear apart” worthy to you, may be a gem of a story to someone else.
There is no room for “if you hated xyz's work, come talk about it with us!”, and if this is something you feel is welcome in any community, fandom, social setting....DO BETTER.
 And do not interact with me.
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i4oba · 2 months
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haechan as… 💭 / your study buddy ⊹◞✿
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haechan as your study buddy sounds like a complete nightmare
I KNOWWWW
but hear me out… Hear!!!!! me out I swear
when he’s determined, he can focus, it just takes … a bit too much in him to do that
not because he’s stupid, he’s super super smart when he’s actually trying
but you know… there are courses that are pain in the ass and you cannot even deny that
and as complete opposites.. you Do care about it, meanwhile he Does NOT give a shit about those
like he couldn’t care less if he failed introduction to philosophy
he doesn’t even know why he has to complete that course. like what’s the fucking point..
FUCK HEGEL???likeee
but you were hella determined to help him out and kind of motivate him
i mean, he wouldn’t mind a little extra cash as a scolarship either ???The least he can do is just sit down and study
that’s how it always have been anyways, ever since middle school
studying together at the library, solving math problems and talking shit in between two of these sessions
the latter part was hyuck’s favourite honestly, he’s such a shittalker fr (i get it, i am too)
he knows basically every gossip… that’s how it always have been! (he knew about the crush jisung had on one of the seniors back in high school and was sooooo into this little affair he singlehandedly ruined his chances… by accidentally spilling it all to the girlie… Oops was all he said too like LMFAO)
he starts and ends all of your uni study sessions with gossips as well honestly
he says it should be a sandwich (or some bullshit idk)–one nasty rumour, some molecular biology and one lighthearted gossip as a way to finish
letting some steam off
he’s not even sorry about it.. at least he has something to look forward to everytime you meet
he’s such a big gossiper it’s actually crazy
and when he gets soooo into it, his voice gets all squeaky and shit lol
him studying journalism doesn’t even help at all, like why is he so fucking interested in this
he says he wants to work at atlantic but… what are the chances? HE SHOULD STUDY
and that’s why you two were there!!! nose should be buried in books!!!!!!!
but his is… well, behind the screen of his phone, going through his instagram dms and showing off other girl’s messages
some extremely cute ones and some embarrassing love confessions as well
you cannot help but laugh when you see someone replying to his thirst trap stories with heart eyed emojis and shit
especially when you can recall how you literally called him a loser in your reply
i mean, you were right after all Lmfao
he knows you’re joking though.. he knows he’s hot as fuck and the most important: he knows that you know
but let’s get back to our main point ???Duh
you were Sat at one of the lesser crowded corners of the campus library, surrounded by a couple of notebooks, one half cup of coffee that has long gone cold, and your laptop–meanwhile hyuck only had one, pretty small notebook he used for every lecture he had, and it had been…
through a lot (as if a dog chewed on it or something but really it’s just that he didn’t care about it)
but anywaaaaays… in the first like, ten minutes he was actually working??? studying his stuff???? Even telling you some fun facts he could remember
like that’s how he is naturally, his method of learning is teaching at the same time as well
which is actually such a useful way imo, that’s how i do as well lmfao
but then you had to avert your attention and do the rest of your research paper to finally finish the project.. it had been ages since you’ve started and you were nowhere near the finish line
so he just.. went on his phone instead. he thrives on attention and when you’re not giving it to him… well YEAAAHHH
he intentionally puts the volume of his phone pretty high so he can annoy you with the sound of him typing and shit
going through tiktok and all
he’s such an asshole for that
but you like the presence of him. it’s soothing kinda that he’s .. there?? clearly not studying but keeping you company
i mean, doing this all alone would be rather depressing, isn’t it? You’re not a big fan of that
so he stays. because he’s aware.
and maybe, with some extra help, he could learn his material.. you just gotta take break more frequent so he can act like as if he was a lecturer ahah
mansplaining and shit ijbol
and at the end??? at the crack of the night??? walking you back to your dorm???? he’s the one offering you two should do this again soon
not tomorrow, he adds–there’s a frat party he’s expected to attend
but after that????He’s excited to do it again :P
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